wait a second wait a SECOND.

idk if anybody else has said this yet but. the implications of daniel wondering what rashid armand’s blood tastes like??? considering he was addicted to it in the books????

and louis says honey and pineapple? and daniel asks for a refill? holy shit

what are they doing to me what tge fuck wait a second.

Swap AU Stuff

Alright let's jsut try getting down basics maybe

Also this maybe long actually.

The obvious Swaps Lunar and Eclipse: Basically how we meet them in episode. I legit went along with thinking this Eclipse wasn't memory wiped the whole time so thats kinda- in the air a bit. But Lunar being the original body (I have a post showing how Eclipse looked then), Eclipse with the one he made (to be taller. He can't stand being small... Well shorter than anyone really. A shame he has Bloodmoon towering over him.) The Glamrocks: They are as Swapped so Chica is Freddy, Freddy is Roxy, Roxy is Monty and Monty is Chica (I love them immediately after giving them luscious hair im sorry). Rox and Sun are friends and he's quite protective of Sun, also a cowboy cause swap au/Foxy etc. Digi in the discord came up with this and i died cause it was so good actually. Eclipse and Lunar still go thru the whole October Arc with Moon and Sun. Moon being far more quiet but aggressive. Made Sun to hinder Eclipse. Let me paste my lil paragraph i had in discord

"Sun likely has more denial about moons treatment of him, however like lunar he does start questioning if its good for moon to get the star (like sort of getting the Moon Wont Stop so i need to do something he might hurt himself etc) plus lunar and eclipses treatment of sun would be a huge factor too, eclipse obviously is terrible at communcating and while he's a bit of a jerk, realizing sun might be in danger or hurt is something he might catch on faster. maybe. im thinking anyway sun catches attachment to both that outweighs his denial of moon being terrible actually. he's still grasping at things even well after. doesnt realize he gets awful panic attacks until someone points it out actually. and then i lost my train of thought but moon still loved sun just…. very clearly was not the forefront of his goals tho. feels very betrayed by sun after and likely wont fogrive sun. vs sun whos too willing to forgive despite his anxiety screaming at him NOT TO. i just wanna show a different thing to this cause lunar recognized halfway into october and let moon handle the rest and recognizes that eclipse was hurting him much sooner than sun wouldve (see the… current sun. og sun recognizes now but it truly took him a WHILE, communication Real now.)" Anyway, Sun does end up getting adopted by both Eclipse and Lunar. He's never gonna be taller than Eclipse. But as mentioned he's got a lot of things to work through about Moon (Roxy will kick so much ass for him.) Generally trying to grasp that yeah no it was pretty fucked up of Moon to do anything to Sun. Now the timeline gets a lil weird beyond this because like KC would've also been in this plot. KC unlike our Bloodmoon, is actually far smarter (Im sorry to bm fans), he DOES work with Sun but generally more for his benefit of getting rid of Moon. He doesn't really need to be bribed for this actually. Imagine KC being so pissed about Moon showing up in his systems and hes LIKE WTF MAN. Zappity Zap Zap Double Dee Moon Anyway Cue Bloodmoon arriving. And like bloodmoon does- He does technically hold Eclipse hostage but gets bored. So there is mild agreement. Bloodmoon does what KC did and FORCED themself out (like our OG boy!). They're uh... theyre not very keen on sticking around a daycare as fun as itd be to tear it up. They like lightly bully Sun but Roxy to the rescueee. Anyway, 'Does KC die in this au?' No he doesnt. He gets CLOSE to it but Bloodmoon just goes 'Hmn. nah son you're coming with me'. Lunar still feels incredibly bad about it though. Space arriving sooner actually more or less helps like avoid some certain issues here and there. Unlike Earth where she arrives much later (due to be literally distracted.) Space goes directly to the daycare. Thus kinda- changing some bits. He does meet Bloodmoon, hates him though. 'Why aren't you thinking this through' 'We wanna see how much they scream' 'You'll be electrocuting yourself before you get the chance' '...That means Eclipse gets electrocuted?' 'Put down. the fork.' KC handles Bloodmoon with much exasperation. Bloodmoon picked up this sucker and went 'our Spawn'. Baffles KC. Space ends up meeting Crater, Moon got annoyed with Space's presence being literally really hard to work around. Sends Crater, Crater and Space get along well enough that it wasn't Moon intention but this works too. Space (theres irony here) gets concerned with Crater and her not viewing herself with autonomy. She is still just a 'basic AI' as she puts it. Does what she's told. Bloodmoon doesn't really use her just kinda shoo's her off to Space or Eclipse. 'No you're no fun-' 'I have told to monitor you' 'WE DIDNT ASK MOON FOR A BABYSITTER' 'I am programmed to defend' 'We dont need defending either' 'You are still vunerable' '...Go away' 'Affirmative. Destination please?' 'DAYCARE'

Anyway How do i sum this up. Roxy and Sun are besties Lunar and Sun vibe. Eclipse is soft with Sun.

Bloodmoon has claimed ONE child. Doesn't really claim Moon but thats a later thing. Moon and KC despise one another.

KC didn't really want this fatherly figure but he begrudgingly accept them. Funny things happen with these three. Bloodmoon doesn't become pacifist, just more or less moves away dragging KC with them. A little bitter at Lunar's murder attempt but its fine. No one died there but heavily maimed.

Eclipse and Moon still ultimately hate one another. There is a Swap version of Solar thats Moon and- we'll get confused so just know its out there. Space and Crater are good friends and partly why both end up questioning their existence but both support pillars to one another that it just kinda isn't as devastating. Unless someone dies. Crater does end up having her own personhood, Moon does get attached to her even if he doesnt admit it. Space doesn't question creator enough but Crater does and vice versa. Bloodmoon(s) does have a name but ill reveal that later??? idk

Hi there! I was wondering if I could request a Larissa Weems x fem reader fic? Reader is an outcast too, she can control people's dreams (for better or for worse) however she can't control her own, and she's the language teacher at Nevermore and her and Larissa have been dating for a little while now. One night she has a really bad nightmare about something from the past, Larissa manages to wake her up from it; as reader had been clawing at her own skin, making it bleed etc and when she wakes up larissa has her arms pinned and is trying to calm her down? Like laying on top of her trying to level out her breathing, kissing her cheek as she whispers "You're okay, you're okay." Like Larissa baby-ing her, that kind of thing? I'm sorry if this is a little long

I’ll keep you safe

Larissa Weems x outcast!reader

Warnings: annoying teenagers٫ Stress٫ nightmares٫ unintentional self harm(it’s not too focused on), being physically restrained, idk what else

A/n: Anon i have to say, i loved this request so much i got down like 6 paragraphs in about 10 minutes, instant ideas so thank you!!, I chose Spanish since you didn’t specify and it’s my first language (in short im lazy)

“We’re doing oral reports in two weeks! I want you all to pick a topic of interest and do research on it, this will have to include a progress turn in every two days, I don’t want you guys doing it all last minute, that’s one grade. Then your written work, just what you’re going to say up front so I can follow along and assist you when you need it! That’s another grade. The final grade will be your oral report, there’s different criteria I will be reviewing but that will be in a handout I’ll give you guys on Monday we will discuss it then!”

You can hear the collective groaning and complains coming from all sides of the class, “wait when do the two weeks start”, people trying to convince you to do something else, “Would you consider adding more time?”, those asking if they can skip the oral part and just to the other two things, and the two or three going “oh does it have to be in Spanish” like it’s not the whole point of the class and assignment.

“It will be three easy grades don’t let me down guys! Yes I know how much you guys hate it but it’s in the curriculum and you will need this depending on what you want to do in the future. You! Yes my love we can negotiate the turn in period, don’t worry”

“No I am not changing the assignment! No you can’t NOT do the oral report, you will lose a full grade unless you can give me a justified reason as to why you can’t speak up front. Yes it has to be in Spanish that’s the whole point, please calm down!”

“I will give you all nightmares if you don’t stop complaining!” The whole class went silent. Finally. “But I can just as easily help you guys out if you just behave and ask nicely. As I said the details will all be discussed on Monday so stop screaming at me, class time is already over, we could all be in our rooms by now if you guys didn’t throw a tantrum”

Your abilities as an outcast were something you genuinely loved about yourself, being able to control others dreams came in handy more than you’d think. You’d use dreams to give extra practice for those who asked (which was mostly the music, choir, theater kids), those who needed extra study time for tests, when you knew your students needed comfort or a safe space, specially since you could allow them to remember their dreams. It being the last class of the day you dismissed them and headed to Larissa’s office.

————————————————————

Once you came in Larissa greeted you. “You seem rather annoyed.. stressed? did something happen, beloved?”

“Just my last class, I assigned oral reports and they are not happy about it, i mean they were basically screaming at me about it, I love them, really, I do but they don’t know how to listen!” You sighed, coming around her desk and wrapping your arms around her behind her chair.

“Who would have thought advanced Spanish students would hate Spanish so much! I know it’s not personal but the way they groan and complain isn’t that encouraging either, just makes me feel like I’m doing everything wrong.”

Larissa’s hands soothed over your arms, taking one of your hands in hers and kissing it. “You’re the cool teacher, they aren’t used to not doing “fun” things in class, they’ll come around٫ love. Is there anything I could help you with?”

You groaned, hiding in her neck. “No, you’re right, I’m sure they’ll be better Monday once I explain.” Larissa nodded.

“30 minutes and we’ll get out of here, alright?” Teachers got out one hour before the principal, leaving you to wait for her everyday. You nodded and went over to one of the armchairs٫ pulling out your phone and deciding to answer emails.

You whined, dramatically putting your head on her desk, she chuckled. “More complains?” “You think they understand what “I’ll explain on Monday” means?”

They were stressing you out even more, and in your experience٫ Stress means nightmares.

————————————————————

“Love?” Larissa woke up to your squirming she thought you just couldn’t sleep, then she heard the whimpers, from there it somehow got worse so fast. The way your hands gripped your arms, your hair, how you curled into yourself, what broke Larissa out of her trance was a sob that tore through your throat. It was enough to spring her into action as she forced the sleep from her mind.

She was trying to be gentle, you were scared enough, frantic, she didn’t want any sudden movements to hurt her or you. First she tried to grab one arm, trying to shake you awake. “Angel?-“ she gave up on that quickly as she saw the cuts made from your own nails that ran down your arm and how you tore away from her just to claw at your own skin, alright option two. She straddled your legs to stop the kicking, taking your hands pinning them down.

She settled for talking you down as her thumb rubbed over your palms in what she hopped would be a calming notion “you’re okay sweetheart, you’re our room my love, it’s just us.” Your squirming died down but you were still tense, your complains and whimpers never stopped, the way you were gripping her hands was clear sign the squirming stoped merely because she essentially forced it.

“Oh my darling girl.. it’s me, my love it’s Rissa, it’s just a nightmare, my sweet, listen to me.” When you calmed slightly more she decided it was safe to loosen her hold and lean over to turn the lamp on. “It’s time to wake up darling.”

The way you snapped awake made her heart clench. How unsettled you looked, the way you looked around the room and eventually up at her, pupils blown wide panic written all over your face. She smiled at you reassuringly and leaned down kissing your cheek and forehead. “It’s okay, my sweet little love. You’re okay with me, angel.”

She didn’t want to fully surround you, it would be too much while you’re already panicked, but she also couldn’t afford you hurting either of them in that state, so she waited, and spoke softly. “You are in Nevermore, in our room, in our bed.” Larissa deemed it safe enough to let go of your arms, gently cupping your face. “I know, my love that you’re scared, but I’m with you, I’ll protect you for anything and anyone, you are safe, 100% safe, I’ll make sure of that, yeah?” You only nodded.

Larissa gave you a second. “Would you like me to move away?” You shook your head, wanting to cry at the thought, she saw it, and moved slowly, moving to your side and turning you with her, she hugged you tight and purposely slowed her breathing for you to follow, you of course did. She only hugged you tighter when she felt your arms coming shyly around her and you hid into her chest.

“I’m not expecting you to tell me what you just lived, nor am I asking, but if you want to my love, I will listen.” You shook your head again. “You hurt yourself angel, a lot, we have to take care of that later okay? But I’ll take care of you, I’ll keep you safe every second.” You frowned and looked up at her. “How can you be so sure..” you barely mumbled out. “Well because I risked a slap across the face to save you from you.” You giggled. “I’m- very sorry.”

She pinned you down and furrowed her brows. “Are you apologizing for having a nightmare?” She kissed the tip of your nose. “Is that stupid?” A kiss to your cheek this time. “Did you cause the nightmare?” Now on the other side. “No! you know I can’t- ohhhh” she pressed a final kiss against your lips and moved to look at you, making you smile. “Right, so it’s not your fault, which means you don’t have to apologize for that, my beautiful beautiful girl.” You blushed at that, hiding your face in your hands.

“Would you like to try going back to sleep?” She asked as she moved the lay beside you, and you shook your head, curling into her. “Darling, you got here exhausted.. you still are. I’ll wake you if the nightmares start again, and the lamp will stay on.” You didn’t say anything, instead pulled yourself closer to her and closed your eyes, she smiled. “Sweet dreams, angel, you’ll be okay with me, I promise.”

hey ik this isn’t a req but do you have any tips on writing fics?? im planning on writing and posting on my blog and you’re one of my biggest inspos so i’d love to hear your advice!!!

HIIIII, I’m so sorry I’ve gotten to u so late. I’ve been a bit MIA on here for a while because of stuff going on in my personal life, however, I would love love love to give you some of my personal tips :))

Another anonymous has asked something similar so this is also for them if they’re seeing this!! ��

Tip 1 : I’d say my first and most important tip is detail. In my own personal experience, people get bored of reading the exact same generic language used in the same way, if ur going to use generic language then as long as u can manipulate it to make it look pleasing + make it flow, you’ll be fine. People enjoy a story much more if it’s packed full of detail because they’ll be able to visualise it better. And yes, although sometimes it can be draining and you can get bored constantly having to put in detail, trust me, push through it and the writing will be much nicer in the end.

Tip 2 : my second tip is pretty simple, but much needed. DON’T GET LAZY WITH TENSE / PARAGRAPH SPACING AND PUNCTUATION. Obviously, it’s an absolute bitch trying to proofread everything, but when you don’t and someone is reading something with a bunch of typos + different tenses in it, it just looks poor and messy, especially when your paragraphing is all over the place, so be aware of that.

Tip 3 : Again, this is personal preference for me, but I’m often more drawn to stories that are unique / have specific character aesthetics. Don’t get me wrong, I love a simple reader x bf!Matt or bf!Chris, but don’t be afraid to shake it up a little. Maybe they’ve got a unique aesthetic? Or something that they really like? Or they have a specific piercing/tattoo (I could go on with this but I think you get the idea lol).

Tip 4 : PLOT. It’s important to build up character relationships and equally build up the atmosphere and vibe of your fic, don’t skip it just to get straight to the good bit, because 9/10 times it’s not worth it because your piece of writing lacks flow. Plus plot is so fun to write in my opinion, sometimes I get bored of writing smut because the actual characters are more interesting haha. (Side note: I wanna start writing angst and tooth rot for you guys 💀)

Tip 5 : finally, if you’re wanting to write about Matt and Chris, I think it’s essential you get each of their mannerisms right. You know you’re reading something good when you can actually picture them saying / doing what’s written down in the fic. Also I know this is weird but clothes are important, you need to make sure you write them into something they would / could pull off because it boosts your writing. Equally, if your going to use pet names, make sure it’s something you can picture them saying, if you can’t visualise it in their voice in your head, then don’t use it because I guarantee you it’ll also come out wrong in the reader’s head.

💋: that’s pretty much my 5 main tips that I live by whilst writing, if anyone needs any more help don’t be shy to message me :) thank you for even wanted my advice on the matter, it means a lot to me that people take inspiration from what I write.

hyunsu and arisu asking the reader out?❤️

ooooooo i love this request ♡

hyunsu and arisu asking you out would include . . . ♡

hyunsu :

- hyunsu would be nervous as HELL

- he would be practicing his lines all day even though it's just as simple as "do you wanna be my partner?"

- he would dress up a bit more nicer and would probably get you a card or something

- when you ring his doorbell, his heart DROPSSSS

- he hides the card in a drawer and answers the door immediately

- of course he sees you in your most beautiful state (which is all the time) and he's starstruck

- "hyunsu! i missed you so much!" you hug him and he freezes, but eventually relaxes into your touch

- "i missed you more" which isn't a lie. he misses you all the time

- you two eventually sit down and play some video games. he bought your favorite game because he always knows you want to play it

- hyunsu will of course order food for the both of you (and will let you order anything you want, he's such a gentleman)

- after eating, the two of you will relax on the couch and that's when hyunsu gets nervous

- he wants to confess but a million thoughts are going through his head

- "hyunsu, are you okay?" shit. you noticed he was spaced out

- "huh? oh yeah im okay! im just.. tired." not entirely a lie, but not entirely the truth

- he waits another hour and goes over to grab the card that has a whole paragraph on how much he adores your friendship

- "here," he hands you the card. "it's for you"

- thanking him, you read the card

- of course you have tears forming in your eyes

- "hyunsu! i didn't want to cry today. oh my gosh, you're the best person ive ever met in my whole life, I swear."

- he smiles and gets nervous once more. "you're the best person ive ever met as well, which leads me to my next point."

- hyunsu let's out a shaky breath. "I... don't know how to say this." he suddenly said.

- you smile and lay your hand on his knee. "you can do it. i won't judge you for anything."

- hyunsu nodded, avoiding eye contact with you for a moment. "...I really like you, in a way that's.. more than friends. you're really kind and funny, you're everything."

- hyunsu sighed, looking at you. his brows furrowed when he saw a tear fall from your eye.

- "y/n? what's wrong?" he asked, nervous that he made you upset.

- "i didn't know you felt that way... ive felt like that for a while," you confessed. "im crying tears of joy."

- "..really? you like me?"

- "what is there not to like about you? you're nice, funny, generous - everything! hyunsu, you're so wonderful."

- "do you want to.. be my partner?" hyunsu suddenly asked. "only if you're comfortable-"

- "yes- sorry, i answered a bit quickly." you laughed.

- "it's okay," hyunsu laughed. "im happy to be with you."

- the day would definitely consist of shy cuddles, hyunsu admiring you, and the both of you playing games

- the first kiss wouldn't happen until hyunsu was prepared because he wanted it to be special

- hyusu is sooooo in love with you, so asking you out was a big part of his life <3

ryohei arisu :

- oh. this boy would be a MESS

- he would've told karube and chota about asking you out, and they would practically convince him to actually follow through with it

- "what if they say no? what if they are interested in someone else-"

- "ryohei arisu, please shut up." karube laughs. "i promise you that they like you. i can tell. speaking of which, here they come."

- arisu's eyes widened as he looked your way. he couldn't believe you were here already, which caused him to panic a bit.

- "good luck, buddy," karube gave his friend a thumbs-up before walking out with chota

- you smiled as you sat down beside arisu. "It's just us today?"

- "uh, they will be back, i hope." arisu scratched the back of his neck awkwardly

- "hopefully? you don't like my company?" you teased

- due to his panic, arisu didn't realize you were teasing him and instead started to apologize to you. "no- i mean i so love your company, i just- i don't even know what i'm saying."

- you giggled. "i'm just teasing you, arisu"

- the panic would soon simmer down as the both of you would talk about what's happened since the last time you hung out

- the both of you had an amazing time and couldn't stop laughing. that's when karube and chota soon came back

- "hey guys, bars about to close." he reminded the soon-to-be couple

- "ah, i have to go home, anyway."

- arisu instantly stood up, clearing his throat. "i can walk you home, if you want."

- "that would be great," you beamed. "bye karube, bye chota"

- arisu followed along behind you but first looked at karube who sent him a thumbs-up

- arisu wanted to walk home with you, not just because he liked you a lot, but because it was pretty sketchy at night

- the two of you talked more as you walked to your house, but once you reached your destination, arisu's panic set in once again

- "thanks for walking me home, arisu. i really appreciate it" you smiled again, "i'll see you tomorrow?"

- "wait," arisu suddenly said. "wait- i, yes we will see each other tomorrow, but there's something i need to say"

- "what's up?" you asked, slightly nervous at what he was going to tell you

- "we've been friends since.. forever, and i really love our friendship that we have," he started. "you see, over time I've... developed feelings for you. i guess it's a crush, but i can't hide it anymore"

- he sighed quietly. "you don't have to like me back, but i just needed to say tha-"

- you suddenly wrapped your arms around his body, pulling him into a tight hug. "i've felt the same way, seriously"

- arisu pulled away to look at you, "really?"

- you nodded, a pondering expression on your face. "can i kiss you?" you suddenly asked

- "yes" arisu blurted around before your lips connected - it was almost as if they were the last two puzzle pieces to complete the whole thing

- this kiss would be remembered for a lifetime

Goodbye? I don't think so. I hope not. A very, very long rant about storage (🙄), simblr and whatever the fuck else I go on about for a few paragraphs. Skip to the end at the gold text for a more.... "definitive" answer. Especially if you want to skip the nitty gritty and sappy wappy.

i dont know what to do anymore, I freed up 18 GBs of space it all managed to go down the drain in literally an hour, Im moving my blender things to my external HDD, because that alone is 20 GBs (because of Scene sizes), I just hate to free up the space because I dont want it to go right back down. This all sucks cuz I really really enjoy being on Simblr, but sims 4 just continues to be a nuisance, whether its actual problems or its storage problems, it just always finds a way, every year, to get me to suddenly decide that im retiring until my next bout of Sims 4 hyperfixation. I love all of you guys and I love seeing how you all enjoy my work, and what I do, and I love seeing your stuff, you all make such amazing creations, granted if I stopped playing TS4, it wouldnt mean I have to stop interacting on simblr, it just wouldnt be the same. A pattern I notice anytime I start a social media platform, is that something always finds its way into completely demotivating me from posting, whether it's just literal lack of motivation, depression, realizing a project is too vast for me, storage problems, it's always something and it's always when I finally get comfortable or happy on a platform, especially after making friends, not that im saying my friends are one of the reasons I leave, thats far from it. I REALLY dont wanna take a break from Sims 4, I really really genuinely wanna start posting my story (W.A.S), but I'm not like a Sims 4 youtuber, I can't remain dedicated to one game, I play other games, I wanna play the Witcher games (or at least try to play them, I kinda suck rn), I wanna finish Detroit become human, I want to 100% Beyond two souls (and DBH), I wanna finish Disco elysium (started and never fucking finished 💀), I want to play Baldur's Gate 3, I mean, I purchased it at full price and I can't even play the game??... 😮‍💨 You get the point. At this point I wouldn't consider this a "goodbye," note, not... necessarily? I just get so frustrated having no storage, not to mention the fact that I need storage to literally do the stuff I do, like make edits, make poses, make renders, so the fact that I can't even do that, is just like... what's the point of even having Sims 4 anymore at that point? But I don't wanna leave simblr, I don't want to stop creating. It's funny, as I write this, I continue to give myself more and more of a reason to leave, the only real thing that's stopping me is just the fact that there's so many nice people here, I know that if I stopped playing the sims 4, I'd probably move onto another game (BG3................,,,,,..) and leave tumblr, or, at least leave Simblr. Which as I (think) said before, that's sad, I'd be sad, I'd miss people like Lori (groovetrys) and Lauren (miralure), June (circusjuney), Jade (gamyrmaiden), Anna (holocene-sims), butter (buttertrait), Fae (acuar-io), Verco (vercosims) and god, so many others, and sorry to break the atmosphere suddenly, but as I'm writing this, I'm listening to "In another life," from Everything everywhere all at once and it's making this very emotional for me, so if it gets sappy I apologize.

And I guess to be... insanely honest, as much as I want to release my story (trust me, I REALLY want to), I'm slowly beginning to realize more and more how not-easy it's gonna be to make scenes, writing it is fine for me, its just setting up the scenes feels like i'm forbidden to a life of staring at a bunch of words (pose names) trying to figure out what's what, where is what, what to do, where is where, who is who, who is what, how is what, how and why, need I continue. Storytelling is so insanely important to me, I believe that despite how little I read and despite how terrible of a student I have been, and despite how poor my literature skills are, that storytelling is still so important, fuck it, poetry has been such an inspiration for me, but I don't fucking know how to write poetry?? I can barely understand poetry at times, but it's still all so beautiful to me, the concept and the fact that people use metaphors so meticulously to create an allegory for something beautiful, or traumatic or sad, like in not so berry, the concept of an ocean being alexanders "love," and cataleya drowning in it, and her realizing she's drowning in his "love," but when she wants to leave, she really wonders if she actually wants to leave, to conceptualize and create this awful relationship in the means of an ocean is so... well, not beautiful in a reality sense, but in a technical/literary sense, it's beautiful, it's expression, and THATS what im passionate about. Remember what I said about getting sappy? Yea, sorry about that. After a while, I wonder what good repeating myself does, I've said about 5 or 6 times that I don't want to leave, yet here I am, with the mouse over the uninstall button like an idiot about to press the big "DON'T TOUCH" button, perhaps it's the idea that after repeating myself over and over again, that maybe I'll make up my mind, do I do a coin flip? I never listen anyways, I always continue to flip until it lands on what I like. So... why am I still writing? To be honest, I should've stopped by now, but you can only stop a dam so much before it all comes out. I do this with my friends, when I'm sad, I pour my heart out until it's a repetitive and overcooked version of "I'm sad." I write paragraph after paragraph and I literally could've just said "I don't have storage. Considering leaving simblr," and the same message would've gotten across, and I apologize, if you're still reading this, for making such a lengthy post, but I couldn't quite help spilling a bit of water everywhere, although I guess now my little puddle of water has become a flood. I use metaphors a lot, I apologize... again.

So what does all this bullshit that I typed out mean?

I don't know. I wonder the same myself, I'm fighting a battle more fierce than the one I had with my period last week, "Do I uninstall Sims 4 so I can have more freedom, and enjoy more content? or do I continue this rigorous battle of needing storage for the sake of a tumblr page, my enjoyment for writing and other shit I do in the sims 4?" I cannot say I will take a hiatus, because I will procrastinate, and I will forget completely about posting, and tumblr in general. I do still, at the very least, want to release my Official Teaser for my story, whether it be my last post or not, and at the very least, I want to introduce you to the characters, whether it be my last post(s) or not. Not to mention the fact that I want to continue sharing about Roo even if it's not about sims 4 anymore, I mean hell, I haven't even finished off the Leo and Roo part of his timeline.

For an INCREDIBLY watered down answer on whether or not this is goodbye, I say to you, not in this moment, not definitive enough for you yeah? Well, that's the thing, I don't have a definitive answer, you could fucking tear apart this entire college essay mat-pat style, and still not have a definitive fucking answer, and that's because I don't, sorry to all the people who don't want to listen to me rant or who want a clear answer, but I just don't have one. I've been known to make impulsive and on the whim (when I'm really emotional) decisions, and this is a situation where I don't want to do that, because I care about what I have here with ya'll.

If this ends up being one of my last posts, I bid you all adieu, I love you all, and I thank you so so so much for the laughs, and for the mutual connection we may or may not have had, I do not know if I'll make any actual posts for the next few days as I consider my decision, I will float around of course and continue reblogging this and that, and commenting and liking, etc etc. There's also a chance I may wake up tomorrow and look at this and think I was just being overly emotional about this stuff, and that now I look like an idiot, which is the case 9 times out of 10.

IM SO SORRY I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED YOUR TEGAN ASK

I feel so bad :( you said it took you three hours and also I had written a huge response and now it’s gone ;-;

Okay so I’m going to rewrite my response but I’m really sorry if I get things wrong since now I can’t review what you sent ;-;

————

I LOVE THE IDEA SO MUCH!!!! And I would love to hear more about their training and life on the ship!

I may be obsessing over Talon and Megan a tad bit…

I love all the possibilities of how they passed the time in the car so much. It would be so awkward at the start and I’m all here for it!! I imagine Talon carried most of the conversation from the beginning until after they really got to know each other. I feel like at the start Talon would just awkwardly try to tell her what has happened to the earth while she was gone in hopes of starting some conversation. I’m imagining the parking lot picnic with them just drinking slushees and eating whatever gas station food seemed good (I’m assuming everything is kind of run down?)

Car karaoke. Oh it would be amazing. Talon trying to find songs Megan likes and trying to get her to sing along, windows rolled down, it’d be such a vibe.

With the race scene I can’t stop picturing the scene from princess bride where they both are rolling down the hill XD

Their relationship is so great, two strangers bonding in a long car ride… oh wait they already knew each other? They were already in love from book one? But Megan’s memory was wiped- WAIT NO THEY WERE IN LOVE AND HER MEMORY WAS WIPED!?!? Okay, okay, it’s fine at least they became close again, just a fresh start nothing to worry about… HER MEMORY WAS WIPED A SECOND TIME!?!? TALON THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD!?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (this is so tragic but I love it so much)

Talon nooooo why the tragic backstory ;-; (I love it very much)

Oh and the art? I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! I love Talon’s design!!!!!! The drawing of him saying happy birthday to himself makes me so sad ;-;

Also question time!

Do you have designs for the sci fi ppl? Are they like aliens or just advanced humans chilling in space? Does Talon hide his tattoo? (I love that type of angst so much mhm hidden scars [in this case a tattoo tho]) and you said there was an image limit… could I see those drawing you couldn’t show? Also why is it called Tegan (is it bc Talon + Megan = Tegan…)? That should be all of my questions…

Anyway I absolutely love this story and please feel free to tell me more whenever! (I’d love to hear a lil more about Ivan too)

Again really sorry abt deleting the ask ;-; I hope you have an amazing day though!!

(I feel like I’m forgetting things I wanted to mention but idk)

Oh my I wrote out this whole thing and it deleted it for me hahaha let’s try this again

No worries about deleting the ask it happens hahaha and it doesn’t look like you got anything wrong so yay!

I’m gonna answer this paragraph by paragraph

-IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT and I’m pretty sure I have either the original google doc or a “Megan’s POV” doc that I can look into to give you those details :)

-I’m so glad you’re obsessing so we can be in the same boat

-I’ve been mulling over that car scene for years and somehow you managed to squeeze out even more serotonin for me to devour I thank thee. And I think it’s run down ish, like people are still there but WW3 is kind of happening/ just happened soooo you know

-it would be the vibiest ^^

-I’m so glad you said that bc I couldn’t connect the dots as to what that scene reminded me of but yeah that’s amazing

-IKR the mind wiping rocked my world. My friend was at the point where she was writing the post separation explosion and we were on face time and she casually mentioned “oh you know the cars weren’t the first time they met, right?” I went feral trying to get all the info out of her hahaha

-yes his backstory makes me so sad…

-I’m glad you like the design! It was our group’s “hot guy” design hahaha I’ve tried to make it more individualized to him over the years tho, and that happy birthday one gets me every time (especially since that’s probably how he spent most his birthdays…)

Yay Question Time!

-I believe I could at least get the designs for those people sometime soon. They are just random people who decided to work for big bad (aka the voice, bc they only heard his voice through speakers at first). The voice decided he could make some good money abducting children and forcing them to be assassins so he did that. The government doesn’t know about them bc they hide in space. The few organizations trying to take them down are the only ones who really know about it

-talon has a few different tattoos, the one he got initiated with is a tattoo/ permanent burn so it has to stay covered to protect it, the other is just on his neck and he leaves that one in the open (I can point it out in the pics below)

-and yes! Tegan is the ship name for Talon and Megan (it was that or Melon hahaha)

-Ivan didn’t really have much personality in the oh other than he was angry bc the scientist that snuck into the escape ship was dating his crush, I’ve made some personal modifications to him in my head though making him more protective rather than just angry (he’s also Megan’s cousin) and I just remembered I have a drawing of him? So cue the picture section :)

Picturesssss

Here’s Ivan, the permanent third wheel (he doesn’t know tho)

The first ever drawings of Talon and Megan 😬

Moving on… idk which of these are repeats so lemme know if they are and I could probably substitute them for new pics

And now the og Megan design vs the much needed redraw

Ughhhh the one on the left still haunts me…

I was struck by the limit again so I might reblog this with a few more, idk hahaha

But reading through this ask made me so happy you have no idea (insert the “I don’t normally feel things but that one got through” donnie gif)

Thank you so much and I’ll look into the daily life on the ship and the sci fi guy designs :)

ask game time! 💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

somebody told me that terezi was a bad character on instagram so im gonna write an essay on why shes my fave character

first off her sheer chaotic energy is fucking iconic. the complaint on instagram wasnt about that because it cant be denied but shes just fucking insane and i love her for it. i think shed bite off my fingers and then insult the taste of my skin. shes just so crazy and weird and murderous and nerdy and i love her for it. we all know this. but theres a lot of her character that is so overlooked.

heres an essay on why metatextually and narratively, terezi is one of (if not THE) most important characters in homestuck and how that connects to her relationship with vriska.

vriska and terezi are described by hussie like this:

This is the most important character relationship resulting from all the sound and fury of Hivebent's chaotic dispensation... It's the arguable axis around which the whole epic revolves, when you really study all the ramifications from the fallout resulting from their rivalry, ensuing revenge cycle, and mutually floundering struggle for redemption, in the warped way each of them defines that idea.

so i mean even HUSSIE acknowledges that theyre important. and of course we all know vriska is obsessed with trying to be at the center of the narrative and you could say she pulls terezi into that but thats NOT what happens between them.

so terezi meets vriska at some undetermined young age and they flarp together and become close very quickly as seen in terezis memories in remem8er. and when all the drama in hivebent goes down you really see that they arent just stable in their quadrants but that their codependency plays into this vacillation in a really twisted way.

Another snapshot of the tortured Scourge Sisters dynamic, in a long tale of angst and ambivalence concerning justice and morality. Terezi wrestles with this eternally. She wants to bring Vriska to justice. But she doesn't. She does, doesn't, does, doesn't. Vriska thrashes back and forth in a different way. I'm sorry, see how sorry I am? Isn't being sorry ENOUGH? What more do you want? I'm sorry, not sorry, sorry, not sorry. And being not sorry takes the form of lashing out, incrimination, daring Terezi into action, calling her bluff, etc. So her vacillation is more like, I'm sorry, fuck you, I'm sorry, you don't have the guts, I'm sorry, just kill me already! The dangerous dance goes on and on.

so yes. vrisrezi good. vrisrezi complex. but what makes this even more tragic is how they act as the ultimate doomed yuri. before remem8er, terezi talks about a lot of heavy feelings she hasnt really let on before.

GC: 1 N3V3R F3LT WHOL3 GC: 1 ST1LL DON'T GC: 4ND YOU M4D3 1T SO 1 D1DN'T H4V3 TO F4C3 TH4T F33L1NG GC: FOR 4 WH1L3 4T L34ST GC: 4ND NOW TH4T 1 TH1NK 1 KNOW TH1S 4BOUT MYS3LF GC: 1 TH1NK 1 G3T 1T GC: TH3 F33L1NG W1LL PROB4BLY N3V3R GO 4W4Y GC: ONLY COV3R3D UP 4T MOST, M4YB3 GC: W3 COULD W1N TH1S F1GHT GC: CR34T3 4NOTH3R UN1V3RS3 GC: SUCC33D 1N 3V3RY W4Y POSS1BL3 GC: 4ND 1'LL ST1LL F33L 1NCOMPL3T3 GC: V1CTORY WON'T F1X M3 GC: M4YB3 NOTH1NG C4N GC: M4YB3 TH3R3'S TOO L1TTL3 SUBST4NC3 1NS1D3 M3 TO 3V3N B3 F1X3D

she talks about her sense of incompleteness in a way that reminds me of the way you see space players experience loneliness--which is cool given that mind as an aspect has some parallels to both space and time. and she talks about how shes never been complete on her own. going back to the instagram post i saw that said she doesnt feel rounded enough on her own--thats the point. so much of her character is defined by vriska that its a part of her own identity and a tragic part of her actual experiences. theres another hussie quote which is about vriska but still applicable--

For instance, you could write dozens of paragraphs of meta on Vriska alone. But the moment you stop writing about Vriska in a vacuum, and start writing about Vriska x Terezi, the avenues of analysis seem endless. It's a circuitous, psychologically tortured mutual arc of competitive codependency, which on closer inspection serves as the axis around which virtually the entire plot revolves.

her codependency with vriska is one of the most central components of the entire narrative. without terezi's internal torment over vriska there would be no homestuck as we know it. [s] flip and the aftermath of game over (F1X TH1S) are among the most important moments in the entire story and both are defined by vriska and terezi's dynamic.

GC: BUT 4T L34ST 1 TH1NK 1 UND3RST4ND TH4T NOW GC: 4ND SHOULD B3 4BL3 F1GHT W1THOUT H4V1NG SOM3TH1NG GN4W 4T M3 GC: SOM3TH1NG TH4T F3LT UNKNOW4BL3, 4ND M4D3 M3 CONST4NTLY WOND3R WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG WRONG GC: 1'M OK W1TH L1V1NG L1K3 TH4T GC: NOT GO1NG TO PR3T3ND 1T WOULDN'T B3 N1C3 TO... GC: P4TCH MYS3LF UP, SOM3HOW? GC: GU3SS TH4T SH1P S41L3D, THOUGH GC: B4CK 1N OUR S3SS1ON, 1N WH4T3V3R W4Y 1 BOTCH3D MY QU3ST GC: OR D1DN'T R34CH GOD T13R, OR... GC: 1 DON'T 3V3N KNOW WH4T 1T W4S 1 D1D OR D1DN'T DO GC: 1 GU3SS TH4T'S TH3 PROBL3M, 1SN'T 1T? GC: TH3 MYST3RY OF 1T GC: TH3 TH1NGS 1'V3 SUPPOS3DLY DON3 GC: GOOD 4ND B4D, 1N D1FF3R3NT R34L1T13S GC: TH3 M1ST4K3S 1 M4D3, BUT C4N'T L34RN FROM GC: B3C4US3 1 C4N'T R3M3MB3R GC: OR TH3 H3RO1C TH1NGS 1 SUPPOS3DLY D1D GC: S4CR1F1C3S 1 M4D3 GC: TO S4V3 YOU GC: TO S4V3 3V3RYBODY GC: WH1CH T3LL M3 NOTH1NG 4BOUT MYS3LF, 4ND WH4T 1'M R34LLY C4P4BL3 OF GC: B3C4US3 1 C4N'T R3M3MB3R!

im including this stuff without much commentary because it just acts as illustration of how much more depth to terezi than just crazy murdery lawyer dragon girl. yes, shes tormented over vriska and how she lost her in another timeline and all the choices shes made in different worlds but its also about her. her dependency on vriska is a symptom of this deep deep loneliness she holds inside her. theres something to be said about her lack of a lusus and specficially the fact that her lusus's egg was held on a scale weighing it against sburb-associated machinery

the prevention of her loneliness is always doomed. she has no lusus--but in order to have one, the world would have to end. she has vriska--but she loses her in every single timeline without fail. she flirts with the humans--but kills john in one timeline and dooms a dave in another. she cannot pursue intimacy or friendship or any form of relationship without losing both her loved ones along with everything else. its not just that she doesnt have a lusus--its that her lusus hatching will end the world. its not just that she loses vriska--its that in no timeline we see do they get a happy ending, and the closest they get in being erased from reality in each others arms.

GC: M4YB3 1T'S D3LUS1ON4L OF M3 GC: TO 1M4G1N3 TH4T JUST H4V1NG 4NOTH3R S3T OF M3MOR13S 1S GO1NG TO M4K3 M3 F33L MOR3 COMPL3T3 GC: 1 C4N'T STOP TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T THOUGH GC: 1 GU3SS 1T'S 4LW4YS T3MPT1NG TO TH1NK TH3R3 1S ON3 H1DD3N 4NSW3R TO 3V3RYTH1NG GC: NO M4TT3R HOW F4NT4ST1C4L OR 1N4CC3SS1BL3 GC: 4ND 1F ONLY YOU COULD F1ND 1T, YOU'D F1N4LLY H4V3 TH3 P3RF3CT R3SOLUT1ON TO 3V3RYTH1NG 4BOUT YOURS3LF YOU C4N'T ST4ND GC: SO 1 JUST K33P WOND3R1NG TO MYS3LF GC: TH4T M4YB3 1F ONLY 1 COULD JUST R3M3MB3R GC: 1 WOULDN'T H4V3 TO F33L L1K3 TH1S

she is tormented by so much more than just vriska. and i talk about this through so much angsty and dramatic words but its really true that shes so tragic. and tragedy isnt the only reason to love her because shes also so silly and crazy and weird and offputting etc but the instagram post that pissed me off so badly said that she became uninteresting after the earlier-comic characterizations of her with her bloodthirsty lawyer/executioner persona.

GC: UH... WOW GC: 1 W4SN'T R34LLY 3XP3CT1NG TO T3LL YOU 4LL TH4T GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO C4TCH YOU B3FOR3 YOU GO OFF TO B4TTL3, 4ND W1SH YOU "LUCK" >:] GC: 4ND TO L3T YOU KNOW HOW 1MPORT4NT YOU'V3 B33N TO M3, 1N 4 W4Y TH4T W4SN'T L1K3 GC: CLOUD3D BY OUR USU4L TR4SH T4LK 4ND M1ND G4M3S GC: 1 GU3SS TH1S 1S WH4T YOU G3T FOR 1GNOR1NG M3 FOR TWO S3CONDS GC: 4 L1TTL3 TOO MUCH R34L1TY FROM 4N 1D1OT WHO'S MOR3 M3SS3D UP 1NS1D3 TH4N SH3 3V3R L3TS ON

she says it here. yes she is weird and silly but beyond the parts of it that are engrained into her personality it seems to be (at least in part) an act to cover up how messed up she feels inside. she is so full of shenanigans and whatnot and doesnt display her issues the way a lot of characters do (even the prospit kids who are so known for repressing their emotions show more signs of distress that terezi does, to the point that hussie made sure to note that her distress was genuine when her lusus died!)

More great and very imaginative sound effects. "GENUINE" seems like maybe it's an unnecessary qualifier, until you consider that Terezi is so full of shit, many things she does could be considered ungenuine. So it pays to point out when she is sad for real, like when her newborn baby mom dies.

vriska, downright infamous for being surrounded in discourse around the context of her actions, is even more obvious than terezi. she too plays up an act of her unfazed coolness about all the stuff she does but shes less extreme about it in such a way that its more obvious when she slips a bit in that facade. when terezi is distressed she usually doesnt show it at all because her layers of weird silliness are too thick. shes just a lot better at the whole violent killing stuff than vriska is! you can see this in vriskas breakdown in vrisky business:

vriska has a total breakdown over realizing shell need to learn to hunt after losing her arm and she says this:

bascially saying that that prime difference between them is that vriska, yes, has learned to be ruthless and violent and manipulative (and was never a good person in the first place but it was her lusus that shaped her into being like this) while terezi never had that stress. she could do whatever she wanted and be as wild as she wished which is why she grew into the crazy troll girl who is the most important character in homestuck. with why i love her out of the way its some analysis timeeeeee.

i already mentioned how important flip and f1x th1s are but i wanna dive into that.

terezi exhibits an understanding of sburb's timelines better than anyone else, even time players, letting her do things like lead dave to her own doomed self on his quest bed, and it becomes clear that this is the nature of her mind powers, combined with a seer's intuition. she has many traits that involve seeing through different barriers, if that makes sense--she can navigate the world by forming a mental image of her surroundings by smell and taste after going blind, and she sees through the layers of sburb's bizarreness just as easily.

[s] flip is one of the first places this ability is used in a way this vital to the progression of the main plot--she uses her powers to stop vriska from dooming them all.

Any divergence from this path to my knowing will taper into blackness like rotting roots. But if I was a Seer, such offshoots would be fully within my domain... A Seer would support her allies in battle not with her weapons, but her vision. She would sift through dross of her comrades' poor tactical inclinations and examine the grim consequences. A Seer would not charge into the fray headlong but direct it as a conductor with a baton. She would have the sight to eschew the obvious gambits, and find the path to victory disguised cleverly as setback, or even imminent defeat. She would behold the fortunes of friends and foes in totality, and appraise the contrivance of luck itself...A true Seer would know where luck is a given, where it is absent, and most importantly, where it doesn't matter at all. And she would know victory doesn't matter in a reality where all else is doomed to fail.

being from doc scratch this is ofc not 100% reliable information but its still some good meta. the last couple lines really emphasize her narrative place--as a seer, she is aware of the big picture, and as a seer of mind, she is more specifically aware of the branching timelines formed in sburb. she is a mastermind behind the plot but lacks the tools to truly direct it. (and i will also go ahead and point out the line about acting as a conductor since thats a very important symbol in homestuck representing movements of the story much like an orchestral symphony.

the actual conductors we see are the cherubs, calliope in particular. calliope and caliborn are characters with actual narrative power (caliborn takes over the whole story!) so its pretty impressive to be compared to that.

but it turns out terezi does in fact have a place in the story almost at this level of power.

it's revealed that the initial version of the events following the coinflip were in terezi's vision:

and that she turned around on that initial path to prevent it from happening. on its own, this isnt that significant. but this moment is the moment that the retcons revolve around, with an entire axis of the plot centered around this single moment between vriska and terezi woven together with terezi's visions and powers.

john may be the one to carry out the actual retcons, but terezi is both the one who ordered him to do so and the orchestrator of the entire narrative rewrite. this is the moment when she raises the conductors baton. this is why i refer to terezi rewriting the universe, not john.

all john did was use his powers to carry out the list of instructions that terezi used her powers to develop. most of them are of arguable vitality but the one that truly changes everything is the rewriting of vriska's death. by doing this, terezi is the reason why homestuck does not end in the disaster of game over. were it not for terezi, homestuck would have a far more tragic ending that the bittersweet conclusion we're actually left with. there are many characters who display a level of narrative control--vriska pulling the spotlight towards herself and being somewhat aware that a narrative like homestuck exists; the very existence of john's powers; doc scratch's role as a stand-in narrator on a level comparable to hussie's avatar; caliborn's narrative takeover in act 6 and ascension to lord english; calliope's role as a storyteller of the existing narrative--the list goes on. but terezi's actions are perhaps the most significant, even if her level of control is nowhere close, rewriting the story of homestuck entirely. she does get the password pages in there, which i'll definitely count as a sort of metanarrative presence in the presentation of the comic (like caliborn and doc scratch's site rethemes). yes, john does the necessary actions to achieve this end, but would not have been able to do so without the anchor points of terezi's direction of the plot.

and once again, this is inseparable from her relationship with vriska. yes, she does this to give another timeline a chance at victory, and to carry on her story in another life as she dies in the pre-retcon timelines, but it's also for vriska. killing vriska broke terezi as much as it broke the narrative and so rewriting canon for vriska gives that other version of herself a second chance. there is not point in leaving vriska out of this because the relationship between the two and the push and pull of their tumultuous dynamic is what is at the heart of the narrative--not one or the other.

and even with such a significant role, she is still bound to her fate outside of the changes john can make. im gonna bring back some dialogue from earlier--

GC: BUT 4T L34ST 1 TH1NK 1 UND3RST4ND TH4T NOW GC: 4ND SHOULD B3 4BL3 F1GHT W1THOUT H4V1NG SOM3TH1NG GN4W 4T M3 GC: SOM3TH1NG TH4T F3LT UNKNOW4BL3, 4ND M4D3 M3 CONST4NTLY WOND3R WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG WRONG GC: 1'M OK W1TH L1V1NG L1K3 TH4T GC: NOT GO1NG TO PR3T3ND 1T WOULDN'T B3 N1C3 TO... GC: P4TCH MYS3LF UP, SOM3HOW? GC: GU3SS TH4T SH1P S41L3D, THOUGH GC: B4CK 1N OUR S3SS1ON, 1N WH4T3V3R W4Y 1 BOTCH3D MY QU3ST GC: OR D1DN'T R34CH GOD T13R, OR... GC: 1 DON'T 3V3N KNOW WH4T 1T W4S 1 D1D OR D1DN'T DO GC: 1 GU3SS TH4T'S TH3 PROBL3M, 1SN'T 1T? GC: TH3 MYST3RY OF 1T GC: TH3 TH1NGS 1'V3 SUPPOS3DLY DON3 GC: GOOD 4ND B4D, 1N D1FF3R3NT R34L1T13S GC: TH3 M1ST4K3S 1 M4D3, BUT C4N'T L34RN FROM GC: B3C4US3 1 C4N'T R3M3MB3R GC: OR TH3 H3RO1C TH1NGS 1 SUPPOS3DLY D1D GC: S4CR1F1C3S 1 M4D3 GC: TO S4V3 YOU GC: TO S4V3 3V3RYBODY GC: WH1CH T3LL M3 NOTH1NG 4BOUT MYS3LF, 4ND WH4T 1'M R34LLY C4P4BL3 OF GC: B3C4US3 1 C4N'T R3M3MB3R!

she does not have the godlike narrative position that the cherubs achieve. shes not even a godtier! and thats another part of what makes her so tragic. she knows enough about sburb to navigate it and play it to her advantage but not enough to gain the self fulfillment she wants.

GC: TH3 TH1NGS 1'V3 SUPPOS3DLY DON3 GC: GOOD 4ND B4D, 1N D1FF3R3NT R34L1T13S GC: TH3 M1ST4K3S 1 M4D3, BUT C4N'T L34RN FROM GC: B3C4US3 1 C4N'T R3M3MB3R

highlighting this part, her seer abilities are both her greatest power over the narrative and one of her most tragic parts.

she has access to infinite timelines and choices and can tell how things will turn out but she cant simply unlock those realities and memories beyond her experiences. having the access to the memories of a better life also isnt necessarily a plus.

GC: M4YB3 1T'S D3LUS1ON4L OF M3 GC: TO 1M4G1N3 TH4T JUST H4V1NG 4NOTH3R S3T OF M3MOR13S 1S GO1NG TO M4K3 M3 F33L MOR3 COMPL3T3 GC: 1 C4N'T STOP TH1NK1NG 4BOUT 1T THOUGH GC: 1 GU3SS 1T'S 4LW4YS T3MPT1NG TO TH1NK TH3R3 1S ON3 H1DD3N 4NSW3R TO 3V3RYTH1NG GC: NO M4TT3R HOW F4NT4ST1C4L OR 1N4CC3SS1BL3 GC: 4ND 1F ONLY YOU COULD F1ND 1T, YOU'D F1N4LLY H4V3 TH3 P3RF3CT R3SOLUT1ON TO 3V3RYTH1NG 4BOUT YOURS3LF YOU C4N'T ST4ND GC: SO 1 JUST K33P WOND3R1NG TO MYS3LF GC: TH4T M4YB3 1F ONLY 1 COULD JUST R3M3MB3R GC: 1 WOULDN'T H4V3 TO F33L L1K3 TH1S

the access to this knowledge seems to be a part of why she is so internally desperate for answers. the solution is right there seemingly but just out of reach. and in this desperate moment of trying to unlock those answers?

she remem8ers. (and i know the title of the flash is a reference to the song used in it but i will also point out just how vrisrezi it is to have her desperate attempts to recall her other self's memories be written in vriska's typing quirk)

at the end of this flash, terezi and vriska are about to be literally wiped from reality forever. and yet, they face that end smiling in each others arms. they are no longer relevant. there is no narrative significance to this moment. but its still what terezi needed to see in order to fulfill that part of herself.

um. i spent all day writing this in my free time. enjoy.

terezi save me. save me. terezi. terezi. terezi save me

hi! so like, i might try writing smut soon enough (because why the hell not amirite?) so like, is there any advice you could give me? like DOs and DONTs, tools that could be useful to avoid orthographic errors etc etc (im used to using chat GPT to look at my horribly, horribly written texts and correct them, but i've got a feeling it will straight up censor it, and english's not my first language, so anything that would make my dirty dirty texts into dirty clean text would be dope)

Hi!

I'm sorry but because you're an ageless blog I'm not going to give actual smut-writing advice, but ig it's okay to give general writing advice?

Just a reminder to everyone, if you're a minor please do not interact with me or my posts!

In all honesty I don't really know what I even do when I write, the words just sort of appear and I'm like 'yep, that works', but that's not the most useful advice, lol

I envision the story I want to read, and then I write it how I want to read it. I hope that makes sense

I guess my main advice would be to find your own niche, like, are you a dialogue or an 'action' based writer? Ofc it's good to be good at both but people have their own strong suits. For me, for example, I'm much better at descriptive writing than dialogue so that's what I focus most of my writing around

People also have their own unique styles and formatting to their writing - I feel as though mine is pretty distinctive with certain types of vocabulary and paragraph spacing/grammar/etc - so I guess it would be good to find a style that works good for you! For example, don't stick to lengthy paragraphs of immense detail if that doesn't come naturally to you, etc

My absolute top priority when writing is to not tell the readers what's going on, but to show it. Sometimes 'They felt X/Y/Z' is a useful tool for emphasising a particular point, but sometimes it detracts from the writing overall.

As an example: 'He felt as if his heart was going to burst from his chest...' (This can be good when used in the right moments, but if that's the only descriptor the writing loses a bit of life to it)

Compared to: 'His heart hammered painfully against his taut ribs as he gasped uselessly for breath...' (This is showing rather than just simply telling, and is how I personally prefer to write a majority of the time)

It's also important not to repeat yourself unnecessarily - it can be good to repeat when you're really trying to emphasise a point, but sometimes writing can stagnate and become less engaging? It's very difficult to find the right balance but it makes a world of difference to a piece of text

For dialogue (arguably my weakest skill) the best piece of advice is that you cannot write accurately how people in real life talk. When we talk we mostly fill out thoughts with nonsense and fluff out the main point - you can't write this because the readers will become disengaged. There's an important balance to find between being too formal for speech, maintaining the main point of the conversation, and ensuring the characters still sound like themselves. I tend to really try and put myself in the characters heads, think about what they'd actually say, and then 'translate' it into a written format that works whilst keeping that characters traits.

The way I 'learnt' to write was through reading, and I'd really recommend you read in your desired writing language (I'm guessing English from your ask) to see the typical structures and vocabulary of that language when written down. Direct translations don't always work, especially with literature, because there are phrases and sayings and common slights-of-tongue that are language specific, so I think it's really useful to get used to that language in its own written form, yk?

I forgot!! But it's also important not to tell your readers everything. Let them fill some gaps in on their own - they don't need to be told how a line of dialogue was said if it's obvious in the speech and context, and they don't always need to know how a character moved across a room or what their hands are doing 100% of the time. Sometimes the best parts of stories are the bits that go unsaid :)

Sorry, this is rambling and probably not very useful, but I've never given writing advice before.

Writing really is all down to the author finding their own 'voice' within their texts, and I'm sure you're writing will be great!!! I hope this helps! :))

my trans\genderfluid non-complete story as a young transmasc for all the other young transmascs out there

(Im jumping to to teenagehood immediately cuz childhood is just another paragraph)

The start of it (body image)

Idk if this is niche but figuring out im trans has second handedly cured my eating disorder. Let me elaborate. Ive always been skinny, not sickly skinny but overall just skinny. Then i turned 15. I just didn't feel right in my skin and there were a lots of posts about ana and all that stuff and i said yup. That must be it. I need to starve i need to be those idealised pics thats been going around to finally feel at peace in my own skin. But as time went on it just didn't feel right, i starved i was miserable i pushed everybody away (cuz thats illness like that does to you traps you in a little cocoon away from everyone you ever cared about, pitifully sitting feeling sorry for yourself) those posts never resonated with me, you know people glamorising their sickness, the body checking, and plainly bragging about how little they ate and how wonderfully the number on the scale went down. It never resonated. I didn’t care to be the smallest person in the room, i fucking loved food and the whole idea seemed rather silly to me. Immature. Fast-forward to me age 17, started recovery because again starving was not my answer to why i didn't feel comfortable in my body, and here where things started to change.

Realization

I started thinking why every time i envision myself i see a boy, why every fictional character that i wanted to be and resonated with was a boy. Ironically i was even using he\him pronounce on all of my social media, it just felt right. Yes i started recovery (and its so much worth it 100% no regrets at all) but i was still miserable and i think that summer i was at my lowest with my own identity.

Features

My hair was long. I hated my hair. I hated looking at it. I hated people complimenting it. I hate the way it felt on my shoulders. Same with my curves. I didn’t have a big chest per se but it still wasn’t as flat as i fantasised about (another thing that didn’t resonate with me, everybody on these ed filled spaces wanted to keep their chest and felt sad when they didn’t) and overall the hourglass figure. How deeply i despised it.

Taking action

Fast-forward uni started. And oh boy. Everybody was expressive with their identity, different hair colors different haircuts and styles and i was at my most miserable. Started cutting my hair. It was short, not boyish, still felt uncomfortable. Changed my entire wardrobe to whatever the guys on my Pinterest boards were wearing, finally we’re getting somewhere. Cut my hair shorter, boyishly, didn’t go to a solan because they never succeeded the first time. And let me tell you this, cutting my hair by myself was the most humiliating thing i’ve ever done and it is the most rewarding. To have your gender crisis in public is character building, and it showed me that i’m capable of doing anything if it meant having peace within myself. The hair was a mess. I showed up everyday with different hairstyle different hair length and my cutting wasn’t perfect i’m sure it looked horrendous from behind, but i didn’t care. Or i did but there’s nothing i can do about it it’s either that or loathing myself and i chose the former. Anyway. Then i got a binder. Things have turned 180 degrees (get yourself a binder!). I was my most confident. Hair like a boy’s, so was my chest.

Envy

I still get dysphoric. hell more than ever, voice dysphoria, body dysphoria, height dysphoria, even neck dysphoria. And i am very envious of men. Just daydreaming my time away if i was born cis. and even other trans ones. living in a place where its not safe to come out and there’s no treatment whatsoever i.e no testosterone shots, no top surgery and if i came out and asked for these i’d probably be put in a mental hospital with sever religious supervision.

Afterthoughts

So for anyone struggling out there with the injustice of the world i hear you. But don’t let it deprive you from who you actually are, seek any gender affirming act no matter how small it is. Just because the environment around you is trying to suppress you doesn’t mean you let it. And please please be compassionate with yourself. the world is cruel enough doesn’t mean you have to be too.

YOU ARE AN AMAXING WRITER [My English is not so good I am sorry for mistakes!] do you have any tip for people like myself to become good as well?

thank you so much dear!!!

as far as advice goes, i can definitely give you some tips!!

if you’re an imagines blog, try new things!! i love doing events and different kinds of fics for different ideas

ride the wave of inspiration if you have it!

if you write x reader, i typically try to avoid being specific about reader’s appearance and be conscious abt how skin tone, hair type, etc can vary in reactions (like u cant run ur hands elegantly thru ur hair if its curly/coily and ur face typically doesnt turn red when u blush if u have a darker complexion) i like to make all readers feel welcome (also i try to stay as gender neutral as possible)

dont push urself to write if ur not in the mood, it’s gonna make u resent it. take breaks when u need to!!

if u take requests, be open and honest about what youre comfortable with and what you can do. you’re allowed to deny requests if you dont want to do them or cant

be a lil descriptive!! i use reversedictionary.com to find better descriptors when im having a hard time straying away from basic words

restart if ur not happy with what ur coming up with

space stuff out!! i see a lot of ppl adding several different characters’ dialogue into the same paragraph and you should definitely start a new paragraph/line every time you change speakers!!! it helps so much with the flow of things imo

use personal experiences! love writing about stuff that i have been able to see/do

i hope this helps and if you have any more questions i hope you send them my way!!!

tiny lil violet anon here!! hh second guessing is really common w creatives (i would know.. i'm a digital artist) but i want you to know that you're probably one of my favourite fic writers and you actually inspired me to start working on a rocket x reader fic of my own a while back!!! (would you mind if i sent you my fic if i ever finished it?)

honestly, i dont think you have to worry about how well you capture rocket's voice bc honestly you're one of, if not the best i've read— your triptych day 17 fic was genuinely mindblowing for example?? your understanding of how different people write rocket is so in depth and the way you made all three renditions of rocket different but so clearly still rocket got me awestruck (do you have any tips on writing the 3 different rockets btw? i'd love to understand more about how you differentiate them! ><)

i remember reading the boring adventures of space pilot and sweatshirt girl for the first time after reading the rocket comics and thinking that helping rocket out on that ferry was exactly what i was hoping someone would write?? it was the fic i needed and didn't deserve LMAO literally every thing you've written has always filled a gap that i didn't know was there & didn't know i needed ♡♡

sorry for the ridiculously long ask ^^; your work genuinely means so much to me and im totally in love with how you write rocket— while ik every artist doubts themselves, i want you to know that the work you create is so much better than you give yourself credit for!

tiny little violet nonnie!! (⸝⸝o̴̶̷᷄‸o̴̶̷̥᷅⸝⸝) you precious sweet little flower. please don’t apologize for long asks - i love them (they just take a while for me to respond to). this was also so, so sweet, and the idea that any of my writing means a lot to you kinda makes me teary ♡

i would love to read your fanfic! even if you don’t finish it! you can always send it my way via dms or share via ask if you wanna stay on anon. or post it and tag me ♡ the fact that i was able to inspire you a little bit is honestly one of the most lovely compliments i could receive and it is truly an honor

(｡•́︿•̀｡)

i’m also so grateful that you enjoyed sweatshirt girl ♡ one of my favorite things about fanfiction is that it can give us the stories we need and deserve (or give us the opportunity to write them!). honestly reading grounded all i wanted to do was pick up that raccoon and take him home and feed him warm food and that’s how sweatshirt girl happened ♡o(╥﹏╥)o♡

so part of the reason i took a long time to respond is because i was trying to really think about how i write the different rockets. and i decided i only have one “tip” for you (or rather, one thing that worked for me and which i hope might also work for you.

but you know im gonna take ten paragraphs to get there!

tbh even though i refer to them by their respective authors, i don’t think “i need to write rocket like skottie young” or “i need to write rocket like james gunn.” i think “i need to know rocket, and understand him, and figure out how he would react & interact in skottie young’s galaxy” or “in the mcu.”

my short tip for writing any character is understand what makes them tick. what drives them? what do they long for? how do they hurt? what do they fear? in what ways do their insecurities and survival mechanisms weave together and impact the way they see the world, interact with friends, protect themselves from enemies?

your best tool as a writer of characters is your ability to empathize with them.

know and love your characters the same way you do your best friends. as authors we are playing god with their world and their lives and it’s a little bit of a sacred responsibility to at least make sure we understand them as well as we can ♡

so for rocket specifically…

fundamentally, my personal interpretation of rocket in any universe is someone with profound empathy, who feels pain very deeply. and since he hasn’t had the opportunity to like, see & practice healthy coping mechanisms lol, he has learned to survive by trying to hide that empathy and that pain under layers of calcification and sarcasm and spikes and blades. and it like, kinda works?? but sometimes it ends up hurting people who don’t deserve to be hurt and when he realizes that, the hidden empathy kicks in and he hates himself all over again.

and like many people, rocket also doesn’t really want to give up his pain. people tend to fight to keep their most hurtful memories or vulnerabilities locked inside. they build so much of their identities around them.

so the real question comes down to, what is each rocket’s source of pain? how does that impact how he interacts and thinks? what is his support system at the point in time that i’m like, crashing his party? how does that impact his interactions and thoughts?

skottie young’s rocket gets laid, so he’s not going to be worried about seducing anyone tbh. he’s probably got the most confidence out of all the rockets, at least on the surface. geez, the 2014 run? it’s like. all about his copious ex-girlfriends and about he’s the only one of his kind in the whole universe. if i were gonna write a full fic based on skottie young’s rocket, i’d base my foundation on the idea that the reason rocket has so many exes is because he’s constantly searching for something that he doesn’t believe exists (basically, someone who can make him feel not-alone) and he probably ends up sabotaging his chances every fuckin time he gets close.

ewing’s or rosenberg’s rocket? still canonically gets laid but has gotten treated like dirt enough times — including being betrayed by people he trusts at various points — that he’s always waiting for that to happen. and mcu rocket? that boy is so insecure about his worth on every level that if he has any pleasant interaction with anyone, he’s probably baffled about why the fuck it’s happening.

all this to say: how do you see (each) rocket? how does he move through the galaxy his authors creates for him? and how does that change when you step in and make something different for him?

it’s late here and my brain is foggy so i’m sorry if i didn’t fully and properly answer your question, sweet little violet .｡༅:*ﾟ*:✼✿ all this to say that if i am successful at all in effectively communicating rocket, it’s more about studying (my interpretation of) who he is in each setting than studying a writer’s style, if that makes sense.

ahhh good night, little love. i am an old baba yaga and i must sleep

im gonna reply to some asks but not that many bc the last time i tried to type up one of these posts i accidentally closed the tab and lost like several paragraphs so now im scared

lots of heavypaint questions

@porch-gremlin

its the fan tool on heavypaint!! which is a free drawing app that i love a lot. and the fan tool is my fave its kind of a crutch actually im trying to use other tools gkfdhgsdg but its so fun i can do a whole painting using it exclusively. heres a video of it in action while i mess w the configuration options. u can slide the noise jitter up and down so its more or less streaky hehe ^^

thank you!!! heavypaint ROCKS!!!!! I love it... its like the only art program ill be a shameless shill for lol

also im flattered you think of my art while playing splat...i should draw more splat i feel like i havent done enough.

my phone!! I have a samsung galaxy note 20 that I am still not done paying off LMAO.... but I've been a galaxy note user for years. combined with heavypaint its a shockingly good mobile sketchbook.

I'm sorry it's crashing on your tablet... I don't have a tablet so I don't really have an advice. Unfortunately because HP is a small dev app it can be kind of finicky... especially in between updates. I think if you reached out to vaughn ling/heavypoly he'd probably respond though! he seems to keep up with the community pretty well.

@hellisrealsign nice nice.. I'm glad our tastes match up a little! hopefully that means you don't mind my frequent fandom jumping LOL. I promise to always be true to my homestuck-loving infinity-train-loving self.

LMAOOOOOO I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME? (covered in blood)

idk is it worth it to read any shounen manga for female side characters?????? (??) HEAVILY DEBATABLE. on one hand the casual observer would say no but on the other hand femslash shippers are the strongest people on god's green earth and will endure great tortures for paltry table scraps.

I think mha is a good manga but it's still a shounen, some of the tropes they squeeze the girls into kind of suck. I can kind of put my annoyance aside because regardless im still a big fan of cool fight scenes and the power of friendship but I think your mileage will vary depending on how much tolerance you have for that kind of story...? There's an awful lot of chapters afterall. I will say this: though toga and ochako aren't the main characters they're not in the background either. the path of their relationship spans multiple arcs across the entire manga and is both plot relevant and relevant to the greater themes/thesis of the story. it's pretty clear that the mangaka and editorial team are dedicated to giving these characters the time and page space to play out. it's not perfect but thats better than a decent amount of big shounen femslash in my opinion? shrugs

Thank you! for both the compliments and the concern. but I want to assure you that... to be perfectly honest I don't think I'll ever stop posting my art regardless of AI. I don't want to make this into a hot take like this is an entirely personal opinion and I don't expect any other artists to share my position but: Everything about my art that I consider valuable is inherently impossible for AI to replicate and everything about my art that is replicable and monetizable is not something I'm interested in owning or protecting. (this is also why at the end of the day i dont really care that much about art theft, tracing etc. and i think 90% of the time style theft is just silly)

I believe art should be freely shared and to restrict that is to make art into a product which is morally despicable and moreover uninteresting... to me. lol. I DO RECOGNIZE HOWEVER I'm very lucky to have both more of an online audience than I even want + a fulltime job that takes the pressure off any of my other art to make money. it's totally valid for other artists to have differing opinions on this especially depending on personal circumstances. AND also I make art that is primarily a product above all else for work everyday so im a hypocrite but. yeah thats my two cents.

I love posting art online LOL. I do it because its fun for me.

HAPPY NEAR YEAR!!!!!!!!!11111111

ghost!!! i am sobbing weeping crying omg twenty four hours is coming to an end and it is so very bittersweet. i found 24hrs on ao3 and stayed up until three am binging it, then immediately went and followed you on tumblr, and ive been keeping track of it ever since. im not very good a tumblr since i only started using the app for fanfic last october, and i am one of those people that sometimes is ashamed of being a fangirl, so it’s almost unbelievable to me that i have a space where no one will know it’s me and i can enjoy whatever i want. im still trying to adjust to that, tell myself that it’s okay to repost fanfics and that this is a safe space. but twenty four hours has helped me with a LOT of that. before i used to kinda be ashamed to go on tumblr, but now i scroll it daily bcs i didn’t want to miss any updates on the fic. i also made the plunge and officially got an ao3 account, after oh about, seven or eight years of reading fan fiction practically non stop. so im getting there, and i just wanted you to know that twenty four hours helped me to get there.

and i think the main reason that twenty four hours has helped me get there is because of the quality of your writing. you write beautifully, intricately, and most of all—truthfully. ive never read an x reader that has felt so real, so fleshed out and most of all, relatable. i would find myself having internal monologue as i read from the ‘reader’s’ perspective and then the next paragraph would, sometimes word for word, have ‘reader’ think what i was thinking. this fic was also so healing, in a way. the way you used literary devices to describe such complicated situations had me often feeling relieved—like i had just let something go. as someone with a lot of baggage right now and who has a hard time believing they could ever be loved, it was at the very least comforting to have my insecurities and my negative qualities forgiven and proven untrue through ‘reader’ if that makes sense.

ik this is sappy as hell but i genuinely feel this way. your writing has moved me in a way that actual published books haven’t done for me in a while. so i just want to thank you for the time, effort, and thought that went into this fic. and secondly, i want to suggest the idea of adapting this into a novel to be published or a screenplay for a movie, in case no one has mentioned that to you or you haven’t thought of it. i really believe you have something good here, and with your talent, i could see you being very successful. this story of these two people—who both have internal wounds inflicted on themselves, each other, or from the past—who then grow more self aware and choose to be honest, even when it’s hard, is such a rare thing to see in literature or any kind of art. and i think the world needs more of that. bcs, like i said, this fic was more than just a fic to me. it touched me deeply. i cried, i laughed, and i reflected my own self. in short, it was a journey in more ways than one.

so thank you—for your art, for ‘reader’, and for eddie. i can’t wait for the epilogue and to read whatever stories you may have planned for the future.

<3

(ps so sorry to have word vomited in your ask box.)

first and foremost — never apologize for word vomit in my ask box. i am always a-okay with that. 🖤

i don’t even know what to say. i have this terrible habit of putting a lot more of myself than i care to admit into both my readers and my ocs, and most of the time, it’s not the good parts. usually, it’s the absolute worst parts of myself. i take all the rot inside, and i throw it into these projections, and i try to justify how someone with those qualities would still be deserving of love. it’s always been a coping mechanism. always. and then i’ve always strived to be a better writer, make my words worth reading, because i know how much of myself i’ve put into it.

to know other people see themselves in reader or eddie or any character i write is both so strangely hopeful but also so saddening, and it just makes me want to give you the biggest hug 🫂

on the note of publishing, i have definitely considered it. it’s just a really scary journey to decide to take. but the day i do decide to take the plunge, whether with this story or any other i’ve written or any entirely new one, you all will be the first to know 🖤🖤🖤

thank you so so much for reading, for letting my writing touch your soul the way it has. i am so honored that this fic has had this type of affect on you. this message genuinely made me cry. i am sending you all the love. <3

please dont leave.

modern!xiao x gn reader (no specified pronouns)

warnings ; a lil bit of swearing, angsty

today, your boyfriend, xiao, was out playing with his friends. you didnt really have a good mood. it isnt because of your boyfriend or anything — it was because of one of your so called "friend". you've posted on your whatsapp status that you dont want anyone disturbing you because of your bad mood today — and that "friend" kept bugging you trying to figure out what happened and what caused your bad mood.

" y/n, tell me what happened! tell me! or you dont wanna tell me because.. maybe i am the problem? " they asked.

" can you not? im rly trying to calm down rn and youre literally making it worse. " you replied with slight anger

" cmon, just tell me. it wont hurt! " they replied in confusion.

" i literally js told you i dont wanna share anything. do you not fucking understand? just shut the fuck up already. please stop talking to me. " you replied in complete anger. what the fuck is her problem???

after that they finally stopped disturbing you. you felt relieved, but — you have an active channel in telegram where you update everything in your life, the channel's only for your internet friends that are on tele. you were literally so mad you typed angrily,

" why the fuck are they so annoying?? ive already told them to stop talking to me because im already in a bad mood and they wont fucking leave me alone. fucks sake why cant they understand someone isnt comfortable to share their problems out of force. "

you typed a few more paragraphs then finally stopped and turned off your phone. you wanted to get some rest until—

beep! you have received a notification from: "lover 🤍"

"oh, a text from him! lemme see what he said." you thought. you opened your phone to see a long paragraph from him. you wondered - why the sudden long paragraph? and read it, it said,

" hey— um, y/n. i saw your message in the channel, is that directed to me? im sorry if i annoy you too much. i didnt know you were in a bad mood, i shouldnt have talked to you. ill give you some space. but um, yeah. take care of yourself, im coming back late at night. dont stay up too late. goodnight. "

you were shocked. wait— those messages arent even directed to him! why did he think of that in the first place?! there, you were shaking and crying, trying to text him with a blurry vision because of the tears,

" wait— xiao wait— xiao please dont leave me. xiao, xiao please answer. xiao- xiao please dont leave. please, please dont leave. pick up. please just respond i need you! "

you were quite surprised no typos were made despite your blurry vision, but that wasnt the point — today was tbe day your mood wasnt good, and you ruined your own boyfriend's mood because of your vent texts. god you fucked up so bad because today was the day you needed him so bad and yet, you ruined his day too.

xiaos pov;

65 unread texts, 2 missed calls. god, who was spamming me this bad? ill check later.

around 20 minutes later he finally opened his phone to 78 missed texts, 4 missed calls from " 我的爱 🦋" jeez. what do they even want from me?

as i read her texts, i realised she was kinda getting on my nerves.

" xiao?? xiao, xiao please just answer me— " were the only texts i read. too lazy to read the rest. i respond,

" what? "

your pov:

" oh hes online, finally. " you said quietly.

" what? " was the only text you received. did— did he not care anymore?..

" xiao, please just scroll above. i explained everything. i just— nvm just, please look at those messages.. i understand if you need some space and dont wanna talk to me rn. when you come home, sleep on the bed, dont carry me on the bed or smth, im sleeping outside lol. have fun wit your friends. night, im going to sleep. "

you knew damn well you werent. youre overly attached, so when every single minute passes by, you check your phone to see if youve gotten any texts from him. unfortunately there wasnt anything from him. well, youve promised to give space to him anyway. its practically pointless now knowing he wont respond. you should probably just cry to sleep. maybe things will get better tomorrow.

:: a/n — hiii i felt abit angsty today so i um kinda tried writing angst wirh my creativity ig. some of these things are based on true events lolol. oh, thanks for the attention on my Xiao hcs btw ^^ love yall ❤️ please consider reblogging/ liking this post if you like it! follow me too btw :") okiess bye !!

now that more ppl are offline (and probably won't see it): here's a full mourning of blaseball, i guess.

warnings for suicide and mental health treatment. pls don't reblog this lol i just need it off my chest

i, like many others, discovered blaseball during the pandemic. i discovered it in... august? maybe? i think i "joined" around season 7, and really joined around season 10.

2020 was a rough year for me. 2021 was, too. in january 2021, i went to a residential treatment center. i was there until august 2021 (which is actually an incredibly short stay). the expansion era (seasons 12-24) happened march 2021 thru july 2021. it ended july 30th. i got out august 6th. literally like 6 fucking days. i am still pissed about this btw

anyway! i was 15 when i joined blaseball. im 18 now. im an adult. my first team, back in summer o' 2020, was the boston flowers. then i fluted to the shoe thieves. then the lift. and i was with the data witches during the coffee cup. i had fun on all of those teams! i even roleplayed some characters on twitter (i ran one of the val hitherto accounts, a kit honey account and jason datablase). (if you remember me from the first rp server i am so sorry. i don't remember what i said/did but im 90% sure it sucked).

throughout treatment, i kept blaseball close to my heart. my friends were able to send me letters, and i asked them to keep me updated on blaseball. they didn't, and at first, i was pretty upset. but when i got back, i understood why. there's really no way to explain the expansion era. even the wiki struggled. there was just.... so much. all the time. (although, when i broke up with my then-gf via mail, she sent me back a long letter explaining everything that happened in blaseball between seasons 12 and... 16? maybe?). nevertheless, my love for the splort persisted. i wrote fanfic in treatment, despite not knowing whether or not these characters would be alive when i got to get on the internet again. in hindsight, i probably could have snuck on blaseball.com on the computers, but some of the staff were just cruel. i would have been banned from using the computers at all, or from being alone near devices, or maybe from going outside, if a TL was having a particularly bad day. all of that aside: i loved and i created within a space that, looking back, was hostile. more hostile than i realized. i drew so much art, none of which i will be posting because i couldn't use reference images and the anatomy is so bad. i also listened to the garages. god, i listened to so much garages. suicide warning for this last part of the paragraph -- the night i had decided to kill myself, i put on music while waiting for others to go to sleep, and in the feedback (night) came on. the "i don't know i'd get you back" really, really dug deep. obviously, i didn't commit, and i have blaseball to (partially) thank for that.

i wouldn't say blaseball, specifically, saved my life. i would have found other songs that made me feel okay. other communities, other interests. but blaseball offered all of that. and, above all: it offered a creative space.

blaseball is unique in that fans create player and team lore, but it still gives a foundation for these. it's easier than making your own story from scratch, and (sometimes) easier than making ocs for your favorite piece of media. allowing that much creativity in a place with the basic building blocks of plot and world building & not much else is what drove many ppl to enjoy blaseball, including me. especially in the pandemic, when everyone was low on energy and motivation. i haven't shared a sizeable fraction of the blaseball art and fics i have created. i created so much because of this game!

i am going to love these characters until the end of time. i am going to carry a piece of them with me forever. literally. i have so many blaseball headmates. and, truly, i do have them and other headmates to thank for helping me get out of that place. they've done more than blaseball itself has. but, blaseball was the right thing at the right time: a mixture of community, music, characters to project onto, and characters to photocopy into my brain forever (the last part wasn't intentional, of course, but it did help).

blaseball will always be important to me, as all of my special interests are, past and present. i am forever changed because of it, but like, i'm 98% sure it's for the better. like, homestuck changed me, but that was 70% for the worse, probably. so it didn't have as much of a negative impact on me as homestuck did! which, like, is a bar so low it's in the sixth circle stadium, but i'll count it as a win.

i don't know how to end this rant. really, it's been amazing. i love this community and will continue to. i will continue to create blaseball content for as long as my autistic heart latches onto it, which can be, like, another two months or another ten years. who knows? not me. and i have to be okay with not knowing.

im terrified this community is going to fall apart. i've made great friends here. i will love you all and follow you whether you go. just don't go where i can't follow (hockey rpf)

i love you, blaseblr mutuals. i love you, blaseball community. i have a love-hate relationship with you, blaseball sim. many teams, one league!