#im so tired of trying to be something for anyone
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can you do literally anything with tara carpenter x reader (with a happy ending) because jenna ortega my loveee <33 - 🧚🏻
Hiding Place
pairing: tara carpenter x gn! reader
warnings: blood, killing/murder, kissing, the usual scream warnings
description: you and tara are stuck in a closet... again.
a/n: tysm for your request 🧚🏻anon! im sorry it took me so long to write, i hope you enjoy this as much as i liked writing it. ALSO i haven't watched scream (2022) in a while so i apologize if there are any like contextual mistakes.
Your fingers were clenched tightly against Tara’s sweater as you tried to calm your racing breath. The air in the closet was too stuffy and the proximity to Tara was definitely not helping. You couldn’t get your brain to stop thinking about what it would be like to just lean over and kiss her.
“Are you okay?” You deign to whisper into Tara’s ear, leaning as close to her as possible to hopefully mask the sound of your voice from anyone that could be outside.
“Not really, you?”
“If you consider getting stuck in a closet, waiting for death being okay then I’m doing great.” Tara’s mouth quirked up in a smile and she turned to look at you. Her brown eyes met yours as she let out a deep sigh.
“You really don’t need to stay with me. You can just go.”
“Tara… you’re my person, okay? I’m staying with you because I want to. Plus you need someone strong to protect you, hmm?”
“My knight in shining armor…” Tara said, trailing off slightly as she bit her lip. You smiled at her and rubbed her shoulder slightly, trying to make sure that the clothing around you didn’t make too much noise. “Thank you, really. You’re my person too.”
“I sure hope so.” You whispered in response, watching as Tara’s face lit up with a smile, even in her tired state she looked beautiful. “God you remember when we were last stuck in a closet together.”
“Seven minutes in heaven. Jesus, that feels like it was a billion years ago.” Tara said with a sigh and you nodded.
“I know right.”
“I never did know why you didn’t kiss me then.”
“Wha-” Your jaw had dropped and you knew you were staring as Tara quickly looked away from your face. “Tara… I would have kissed you then if I had known you had wanted me to.”
“And you just didn’t think to ask?”
“Tara… you were literally talking to Amber about your crush on that football player. I didn’t think I had a chance.”
“You have always had a chance.”
“So if I wanted to kiss you right now, what would you say?”
“I would say yes. We might die after all, it’s now or never.” You smiled slightly, feeling as the butterflies in your stomach took flight. You leaned closer to Tara, softly brushing your lips against hers and letting your eyes fall closed. She responded in turn, surging forward slightly to press her lips firmer against yours.
The dangers of the outside world fell away so all you could focus on was Tara. The way she felt against you and how long you had been craving this.
Moments later, after what felt like a blissful hour, you broke away from each other. Both of you laughed silently and you could feel your face brightening with a smile. That was before loud screaming broke you both out of the reverie.
Loud footsteps were heard outside of the closet door and you leaned down to pick up the knife you had managed to grab before rushing into the closet with Tara.
“Get behind me. I think we need to move.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. It’s going to be fine, okay?”
“Okay. I trust you.” You nod and then carefully open up one of the doors, stepping out into the hallway. You look over the bannister and see as Sam and Richie struggle for a few moments before Sam succeeds in killing him.
You feel Tara’s hand on your arm as you help her down the stairs, still holding onto the knife tightly. You never know when something or someone will jump out. When you get down the stairs you glance at the gun next to the bannister.
Swapping out your knife for the gun you feel the weight of it in your hand as you turn to Tara and brush a strand of hair away from her face.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, you?”
“Yeah.” You look over to where Sid and Gale walk out and smile at them. Sam rushes over to grab at Tara and you feel as they hug each other from next to you.
But the movie isn’t over yet because moments later Amber rushes out. You pull out the gun and shoot. She collapses in a heap as Tara gasps from next to you.
“No one tries to kill my girlfriend and gets away with it.” You breathe out as you lower the gun. Turning to smile at Tara as she smiles back at you.
#tara carpenter#tara carpenter x reader#tara carpenter x you#scream x reader#scream#scream movies#scream 2022#scream x you#tara carpenter x yn#jenna ortega#jenna ortega x reader
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the psyfe boys as romance tropes?
PSYCHIC FEVER AS ROMANCE TROPES
jimmy- fake relationship, forced proximity
imagine jimmy's sick and tired of everyone sliding in his dms, he asks you to pretend to be his partner in exchange for social clout. he invites you on a retreat with his friend group to protect himself from this one girl who's obsessed with him. you both have to share one bed though ohhhh im feeling queezy D;
kokoro- enemies to lovers, specifically competitors to lovers, angst
kokoro's a great dancer. he's a bigger asshole with an even bigger ego. that's why you can't let him win your town's dance championship for the third time. but what happens when the next challenge pairs you up with him for a partner dance?
ryoga- brother's best friend, forbidden love
your brother had one rule for his best friend ryoga in their shared apartment: ryoga cannot mess around with you.
and so it becomes a daily routine to wake up ten minutes before your brother's alarm goes off, so you can sneak out of ryoga's room after spending the night with him.
tsurugi- single father whose kids are your students
tsurugi shows up. not all fathers do that. he comes to the parent teacher conferences, and picks up his twin daughters and drops them off punctually everyday. so when he didn't show up for pick-up on their birthday, you couldn't help but feel disappointed for the girls.
"lets get you home" you sigh as you tighten their seatbelts and get in the drivers seat.
you drive home only to find that tsurugi has made the whole house into a theme park, with bouncy castles, magicians, and lots of cotton candy.
"mr. takahashi, why did you do all this just to leave them at school?"
"how else was i supposed to get you here?", he smiles widely at you, "besides, if there's anyone i trust with my girls, it's you."
(literally screaming as i wrote this btw)
ren- best friends to lovers
it was never the plan to kiss your best friend. you both were just playing video games.
"ren watanabe, prepare to meet your demise" you taunt him as you power up your character, making it damage his character even more.
"if i die, then who's gonna be the only man you can ever talk to" he mocks you, playfully nudging you off the couch.
you get up on your feet and distract him from the screen by sitting in his lap and snatching his console.
"shut up or i'll kiss you!!" you joke, like best friends do.
"so do it. kiss me." and the rest is history...
ryushin- wrong number romance
the number who's been trying to call ryushin for the past half hour is now pestering him over text.
"WEESA PLEASE PIK UP I NEED TO TELL U ABT THIS. BOY I SAW TODAY PLZZZZ"
the unknown number sends a picture of themselves making a funny crying face.
ryushin laughs to himself, finding you weirdly cute.
"can you stop calling me? you've got the wrong number." he replies back.
"haha very funny weesa. anyways so he works at the local cafe and he said his name's ryushi or something?"
"actually it's ryushin."
"how do you know?"
"because... i'm him" he sends a picture of himself to you.
weesa- protagonist is oblivious to the childhood friend who's been in love with you since the beginning, slow burn
weesa opens the door to you crying after another fight with your toxic boyfriend. you fall into his arms, feeling rejected by the world and fueled with a self-hatred weesa could never understand. as you let out all the tears and snot, he feed you your favourite cookies. he doesn't mind that you're wiping your face into his sweatshirt.
"ugh you're such a sweetheart. if only i could find a man like you." you confess as he wipes the tears from your face.
"hm." he stoically replies. he's heard this before. and he asks himself the question he's been asking since you both were kids, "why not me?"
#psychic fever#psychic fever from exile tribe#psychic fever x reader#psychic fever headcanons#psychic fever soft hours#ryoga#weesa#kokoro#ren watanabe#ryushin#tsurugi#jimmy psychic fever
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did yall miss me. i hope you did bc im returning with a bang. anyways here’s this. warnings: mcd, child abuse. up on ao3 within a few days
A new day, a new disaster, that’s what soap would say. He was always an optimist. Never heard saying anything about how they were likely going to die on suicide missions. Even though it was so valiantly obvious. He has to be watching from his overwatch position right now.
Ghost was glad to have him on his 6. They’d been switching places more often, soap on overwatch and sniping the people trying to end his life. He never called out to him about these people. Sometimes they’d just end up dead.
He always knows it was soap though, who else could do that so accurately. Soap was the best of the best. He’s not going to let ghost die. He’s not that selfish, never was.
Soap was the best of the best, most morally sound. He held his religion above many temptations. Infil was filled with chatter most of the time, except for soap, running his thumb over rosaries and whispering to a power long forgotten by the other men.
Exfil, a shell shocked soap would sit silently, or wail for not his mother, or ghost, but for someone, god maybe, to end his suffering. He was already going to hell, that’s what a priest told him at 15. He confessed and was told his punishment.
Never repeating that confession to anyone else, in fear of rejection. At 16 he carried his older cousin's casket in between the pews of that same church. He got home and told to man up. He turned 17 and enlisted.
That led to right now, soap covering his 6 and ghost shouting for help. A bullet lodged into his spine, blood gushing from the wound. His screams would’ve revealed his position if he cared anymore. There was no way he would get out of this. He just needed to get to a position he could radio to exfil from.
The enemy must’ve heard his screaming for Johnny, there was no response from soaps end. He must’ve been comprised.
The thundering footsteps we’re getting louder needed to move.
He pulled his hands above his head, chin resting on the ground. Looking up from under his eyebrows he saw about 20 meters until cover.
Pushing his arm to unbend he grabbed for purchase on the grass. He needed to pull himself forward to get to cover. His legs proving useless he grabbed a handful of grass and pulls. It rips.
He keeps trying to pull himself forward, but with every futile grasp comes a handfull of dirt and roots. The footsteps grow louder. He can’t die like this.
He screams in pain and frustration. Johnny is comprised, he’s comprised. It’s a solo mission, he needs to call exfil there’s no price here to scoop his useless self off the floor. He could cry. He won’t cry.
He grabbed a rock and pulled himself forward a foot. That’s okay, he’ll to cover soon. He’ll stay awake, he’ll stay strong. He will not cry.
Another idea comes to mind. He pulls 2 knives from his kit and stabs one into the dirt to use as a sort of handle.
One foot at a time he drags himself to the tree line. Sitting up to access his radio he leans on a tree.
He calls laswell. He needs exfil. He needs to leave. He’s losing blood, but he can’t feel it, he’ll pull through.
His eggs were twisted in horrible ways, he didn’t feel that pain, but he also couldn’t move them. He’ll be okay, he can just rest his eyes for a few minutes. His eyes were far to tired.
Nothing from soap. Nothing from laswell, there’s no point in staying awake, he’ll wake up to the radio transmission.
His eyes fall open again.
“-nom, SIMON! COME IN!” A young woman was on the other side of his radio.
“Mom? Mom I’m scared, I don’t want you to leave me here with him again.” It seemed he was crying.
“Simon who’s there, I’m coming, we need to know where you are.”
“Mommy I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’m in the woods mom. Please don’t let him find me. He had a bat mom.” Drearily weeping through the radio was not something that elete SAS lieutenants do. But his mom was back, he missed her so much.
She tried her damn best, especially since he was stuck with his bummy ass father. She tended to his wounds whenever she was sober. She took beatings for him when he was too young to know he’s a man and he should be taking it. She wiped his tears whenever he came crying. Somehow it wasn’t enough.
He still had his tooth knocked out, he still was given drugs before he realized what they were. He still had to see that sex worker die. He still has to kiss that snake.
Haven forgotten about that snake until right now the hissing in his ear was not of any relief. It should’ve, it would mean his radio was working. His hands were too heavy to really hit the button to turn it on though.
Tears were not allowed though. The snake was in his ear, not biting his lip, his mom was talking to him. And Johnny would be back soon.
“Ghost, Simon, do you copy.”
“Mom I’m not alone anymore”
Crunching could he heard, a dark figure approaching him. He had a pistol. He shot the gun, but the bullet shot right next to his ear. He let himself relax, foolishly.
The man in front of him was his father, but his face was skewed. One part of it was his father, and the other half was of price. The side with price reached out and told him to calm down and stay awake. Then price was gone and it was just his father.
He was screaming, not Simon, Simon would recognize who was screaming and it wasn’t himself. A blow landed on his head, he saw it but didn’t feel it. His father was standing there, his mouth was moving but he wasn’t saying anything. Then he hissed like a snake. Mouth open he saw the snake that bit him all those years ago, he started screaming for real this time.
The snaked closed is mouth and then said something in Spainish. This man was none other than a cackling manual roba. Scalpel in one hand he laughed. The scar on his ribs flared up as he was called every insult under the sun. He was told to not fear as, it would feel so nice soon.
Turning his head out of the grasp roba has on his face he was met with Vernon’s rotting skeletal face. There was dirt in his eyes, ears, mouth, nose. He was buried.
“GHOST!”
“Mom? Save me.”
“Ghost who’s with you right now.”
He opens his eyes, praying he can see at the end of this all. Scratched corneas would end his career, and his career is all that he had left.
In front of him, soap was sitting, thumbing his rosaries and mumbling a prayer. Without greeting he looks up. “Simon, I’ve missed you.”
“Ghost. I repeat, who is with you?”
“Johnny. Bye mommy, I’ll see you soon.”
With his final goodbye to the only person to truly love him, he can rest.
“Simon, I loved you too.” A Scottish lilt was the last thing he heard before the world went silent. He laid his head on the tree and closed his eyes. He hoped that Johnny was in the next 7 minutes. And price and Gaz. Maybe he can finally see them again too. Laswell will join them at some point. Then they can meet her wife. Maybe she’ll have kids after retirement.
He hoped he was happy.
-
Ghost was found 2 days later. Soaps rosary in his pocket and tear tracks running down his face wiping off the eye black.
Task force 141 was together, earthly and in spirit. Buried in the national cemetery one next to the other.
#fanfic#ghoap#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#soapghost#ao3#cod mw2#call of duty#ao3 crosspost#kate laswell#agnst#heavy angst#main character death#don’t like don’t read
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Could you do fic for James Vowles with wife reader? With her being in the Williams garage, she witnessed Alex and Danny incident at the Japan GP and was so worried about them that she ended up going to James at the pitwall for his comfort. He decided to hug her while calming her down and going to both of the drivers to make sure they're okay. Just something fluff and little angst. Add something if you want to. Thanks!! :)))
what is it with me only getting these fics out like 2-3 weeks after the race, anyway, it's again so short but my mental health is suffering right now, so, and im happy with it the length it is.
Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.
also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better
and if you want to be added to my taglist let me know :)
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“Come on Logan, show ‘em why you deserved to be in the car last weekend.”
Logan nodded as he pulled his helmet on and gave a thumbs up and a fist bump to Y/N. It was her first weekend at the grand prix, as she preferred to stay at home, and let James call her to give her an update. But James had been pleading with her to come ‘just once’ and after the disaster weekend they’d had in Australia, she had braved the timezone and flown out for Japan.
She sat down on the folding chairs with the rest of the pit crew, while PR managers and assistants and anyone who liked James, which was 90% of the garage, was trying to persuade her to sit on a more comfortable chair. She shook her head smiling, insisting she was fine as long as she wasn’t in the way, on the folding chair, with the pit crew.
James shook his head fondly, gazing at his wife as she chatted to Alex’s race engineer, before he slung his headset on and walked out to the pit wall.
Unfortunately the joy in the Williams garage lasted all of about 1 corner. A cheer erupted as they all got through turn 1 okay, but it was yelled too soon.
“As they make their way through AND OFF INTO THE WALL, off into the wall goes the 2 cars, and a big crash into the tire barrier,”
“Yeah, that’s going to be an immediate safety car, a heavy impact for Ricciardo and Albon…”
“Red flag, red flag.”
Y/N could see the anger as the mechanics grew angry, yelling stuff, but it all felt muffled underwater, as the camera cut to a replay of the crash. She sat there, staring as she watched Daniel and Alex’s cars clobber the barriers again.
So much for good luck this weekend. She watched as Daniel hopped out of the car, and she saw that Alex was having a little trouble due to the tyres almost balanced perfectly on his halo.
She heard the other cars filtering into the pits and as the pit crews dash around the cars Y/N escape through the garage and up to the pit wall, where she spotted James chatting to some of the other mechanics. She quickly crossed the pit lane and hopped up to the pitwall.
“Hey darling, what are you doing here?”
Y/N didn’t know what to say to that. What was she doing here? She looked at her husband trying to convey all of her current thoughts through her eyes. Thankfully he seemed to get the message and embraced her in a hug.
“Don’t worry, don’t worry, they’re both fine, they’re both okay. The red flag is because the barrier is destroyed and they’ll be here before the end of the red flag, okay? I’m sorry darling, that must have been terrifying to see that crash, especially when you have no information. How about you stay here, I think Alex and Daniel will come from there,” he pointed somewhere, Y/N wasn’t paying attention properly “so they’ll walk past here and you can see that they’re completely safe and sound.”
Y/N nodded at that, and snuggled in further to her husband’s embrace as he asked about tyres for Logan’s restart and discussed new strategy, keeping an eye out for the 2 drivers.
come walking down the pit lane. She careful extracted herself from James’ embrace, he nodded as he saw the 2 drivers arriving.
Y/N ran over and embraced them both in a hug, ignoring the commentators comments of ‘mom’ and ‘awwww’ and she pulled them in close and started rambling
“Oh my god, are you okay, that was a big crash, are you sure you don’t need to go to the medical centre, wait, hang on, what’s the test, uuhhhh, how many fingers am i holding up?”
“2, Y/N, relax, we’re okay.” Daniel put a hand on her shoulder
“Y/N breathe okay, I know that was a big crash and that I think was your first big crash while being here, so I’d imagine it's a little scary, but it’s okay. We’re both okay, Daniel and I in one piece.” Alex pulled her into a hug, before releasing her.
Y/N didn’t trust her voice, just nodding and furiously wiping away at the tears falling down her face.
“C’mon, I’ll get you back to James and then by the time the red flag is over, I’ll be back from media and we can watch the race together, okay?”
Y/N nodded again, smiling more than she was as Alex led her back to James.
“Keep her safe until I get back, yeah boss?”
“Oh come on Alex, you don’t trust me with my own wife?”
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taglist: @leosxrealm, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3, @pear-1206
#f1 x reader#miloformula123fan#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#james vowles x reader#james vowles#james vowles fanfic#james vowles fic#james vowles x female reader#james vowles x you#james vowles x y/n
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How much more can i give before there's nothing left of me?
#im so tired of trying to be something for anyone#im so tired of grieving#i just want to be loved#actually bpd#actually ocd#love#bpd#religious trauma#ocd#im sad#sadness#im hurting#hurt#pain#theres nothing#unloved#unwanted#depressed
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okay fine i’ll bring back the egg. sorry for the pun but i’ve been sitting on this for a while because i can’t decide what to name them
(thinking they/he???)
they love being warm and must be approximately as snug as a bug in a rug at all times <3
didn’t give much context before but we’re going with that the egg was abandoned in winter horns and recovered by a group of waddle explorers
there wasn’t a lot of (known) writing on dedede’s species so figuring out what to do from there was kinda hard and they didn’t really know anything for certain, but between a little research, a gut feeling, and dedede and mk already used to Parenting, they passed the egg onto them to look after and well. yeah
it was definitely a rollercoaster for dedede, to be given hope that there were others like him after all - so it was only natural he’d take it very seriously. he spends a lot of time with them and they’re very clingy because of it. he says they’re like a duckling
being so big also comes with problems because as clingy as they are, they outgrew being able to be held by other people pretty fast lol
“meta pls stop looking like ur gonna punt our kid”
anyway i guess i’ll introduce the other kid next? between the two of them uhh dedede had a very tiring few years. stay at home dad problems i guess. on top of being a king lol
he probably realized how grateful he was that kirby was so independent lol..
the real enemy is everyone (meta especially) having a busy schedule
#kirbyposting#i love getting carried away on ideas that were supposed to be small /gen#my art or something#meta knight#king dedede#metadede#how do you tag for fankids and ocs?? i have no idea#kirby oc#semi future au#omg oldee is in this post#if anyone has name ideas feel free to share#i couldn’t really strike a balance and find smth i liked#posting this for Wednesday because im not very impressed with it#so#happy cringe day Wednesday#i guess it’s kinda inherently uninteresting because they only really exist for a narrative#nothing new is being done here lol#buuuut since there’s a larger idea tied to this i feel i need to introduce them#and anyway! who cares if it’s interesting! two cakes or something#ill try to have the other post out soon I just wanted to save this for a wednesday#dedede is very tired in these doodles and i promise it’s just a coincidence lol#he might not be doing perfect but he’s doing good#and yes i am still avoiding redesigning him#bandee cameo wowie..
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Finally got enough energy to talk about Furina's SQ and while I loved her and the troupe, MC and Paimon were .... Not Great. I talked about this with friends but in Paimon's case especially, the way they interact with Furina feels like people who just don't understand trauma and depression and then engage with someone suffering from both in all the wrong ways.
Talking about how much of a downgrade her house is from the opera house, making fun of how she can't cook, pushing her to act when she's set a very clear boundary and then guilt tripping her after she's stuck to her guns, shaming her for not being able to fight well (Paimon literally talks about how second hand embarrassment is overwhelming and I'm just like ?????), telling her she's "not acting like herself" when she attempts to open up and be vulnerable....it's just really rough. That and the MC asking "is something wrong" when Furina gets sad over Poission ..like bro people died and she couldn't save them and she's tearing herself apart over it. Those people are never coming back and you know it and you have the gall to ask her is something wrong??? Of COURSE there is!!
It just feels especially odd because we literally get to see all of Furina's suffering and Paimon in particular is. SO mean? Like she was more understanding with Wanderer and Ei and THEY'VE tried to kill us multiple times!! I don't get it, and honestly I'm very proud of Furina for refusing to waver. Let her rest!! She's tired and depressed and she needs time to heal; and honestly fuck Paimon for trying to make her feel bad. Furina's worked harder than she EVER will.
#as someone with depression and who's highly sensitive this story quest hurt a LOT because ive also encountered people who don't understand.#i've been told i need to get over my anxiety. i've been asked what am i so tired from since i just lay in bed.#so furina's character and how she was treated hit very very hard for me. she's isolating herself and not coping well but she is TRYING.#she's trying so hard and she equates her worth to her role. like she literally tells you that she serves no more use to anyone.#and i wanted to shake her so hard. because it's not about what she can do#she has worth simply because she exists. full stop. she is loved and she is appreciated just for being herself#her worth isn't decided by her power yk??#i hope she can rest and heal and find some good friends - after the way mc and paimon treated her i honestly don't think they should be#or if they are; they'd have to work to earn her trust cuz good LORD. they treated her so weird and so tone deaf!!#i've seen a lot of people complaining about it too so im glad im not alone.#anyway. there is something wrong with me i have cried actual tears over furina please god she needs a hug#and to be told she did a good job and she can rest now and things will get better#4.2 spoilers#genshin impact#furina
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bro you are on the FANDOM WEBSITE why are you NOT supporting your fandom creators????? do you WANT us to stop??? do you want there to be no more art & fic?? because that’s what happens when you don’t reblog our stuff. this isn’t a threat, this is a reality. if there is no one here wanting to see our stuff we won’t post it. I’m not trying to guilt trip here, none of us are, we’re literally just saying that if there is no motivation to spend 10+ hours making fanart or 5 years writing a multichapter fic for free then we won’t fucking do it
^this shit? ridiculous. I LOVE EVERYONE WHO REBLOGGED & INTERACTED WITH MY ART! I LOVE EVERYONE WHO ASKED QUESTIONS & COMMENTED!! but so many of these people just liked it & left. this has been getting worse over the years, too. the reblogs to likes ratio has been getting crazier. I create because I love it, but if I have no reason to post, I won’t. fandoms dry up because of this. creators quit because of this.
we just need to stop acting like this is instagram, or that anyone cares what your blog looks like. people don’t see your likes, they see your reblogs. you want that favourite content creator to post more art? you want that writer to post the next chapter of your fav fic?? reblog it. share it. show them you care, because otherwise they won’t. this is a hobby we do for free. you consume our stuff for free. you aren’t entitled to it, so please just reblog, it isn’t hard.
#we aren't asking for money we're asking for you to hit a button#stop being a little bitch#this is tumblr. no one gives a shit about your ''aesthetic'' or whatever#no one even looks at who reblogs what on here#i'm sick of seeing people not sharing works out of spite & acting like wanting attention for our labour is bad#I SPEND 15 HOURS DRAWING YOU BETTER FUCKING REBLOG IT. I'M POSTING IT SO I CAN FEEL BETTER#AFTER SPENDING 15 HOURS HUNCHED IN A SHITTY CHAIR WITH MY WRIST ALL FUCKED UP & MY LAPTOP TRYING TO KILL ITSELF & ME#im not asking to be PAID im asking for you to share artist's & writers' works. we are 99% of the fandom's content#you want more content? fucking motivate us to make it. you are getting it for free. stop being an asshole & fucking reblog it#i'm so fucking tired of people with their cold ass takes#if i EVER like anyone's art & don't reblog it THAT WAS A MISTAKE. I MEANT TO REBLOG BUT TUMBLR GLITCHED OR I RAN OUT OF REBLOGS#i KNOW how hard it is to spend hours days YEARS on something & for no one to care#i am literally just asking for everyone to have some sympathy#like imagine if your employer started complaining about how selfish it is you work for free? that's this#you'd quit that job#YOU CAN'T COME TO THE FANDOM WEBSITE & COMPLAIN THAT FANDOM CREATORS WANT ATTENTION FOR THEIR WORK#EVERYONE WANTS ATTENTION YOU STUPID MANTHING IT CAME FREE WITH YOUR FUCKING HUMAN BRAIN
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Wow
#crabs#thanks to whoever gave me these crabs it is much appreciated#now my app is unusable but it's ok i need a reason to do something else anyway#like sleep#I'm tired#good night guys#it's 2:32 am god my sleep schedule is messed up#people like me are an ugly stain on society#xd im a silly goose frfr#how many tags can you even put?#anyone else ever play transformice?#the crabs remind me of /cafe on transformice#that was a fun game god i kinda wanna play it again i spent so long playing that game#but my tribe disbanded and it's kinda not as fun without a community to be part of#maybe i should try it again who knows#but for now i should sleep#god im such a lil sleeper such a lil snoozer#or i will be in just a second#when i go bed#gn guys#good night to all the lovely souls who ventured this far into the tags#i love you and hope you have a good day#or night#and don't let your also schedule get as fucked as mine#go to bed!!! (if it is an appropriate time)#(or if you just wanna rest just take a lil nap that's nice too)#jeez that let you put a lot of tags#holy like this is a lot should i even post this?#i don't wanna be annoying#meh who cares anyone who sees this follows me anyway fuck it imma post this now and SLEEP dammit
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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in my hater era
#sophie speaks#tw vent#like. what. what???#i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin#struggling hugely#had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something#and you know. thats on me#but saying like#im NOT trying??#i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person#what???#trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset#idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this#express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time#but then they dont believe you??#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes#like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself#i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive#im so tired#ive been suicidal for like 7 years now#my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just#it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit#cripplepunk core lmao#cripple and im going to kill you#this is just geniunely upsetting#i feel like i need a good cry#i really am so tired#i feel like i just dont want to do this#why am i paying for this? why am i doing this?#if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it
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#i figured this would be better suited for a separate post continuing from here#I've had people get angry at me for giving Steve a proper strongman build - thus making him fat and muscular in the process#ive gotten people mad at me for making him his direct colorpicked skin tone. got told I made him ''the wrong color'' for it#got called slurs#got told i need to just ''take a joke'' when im getting right fully angry at people telling me im wrong for making his AU design that way#been quite literally told our art looks ''ugly as hell'' when people ran out of bigoted arguments#its all just getting really hard and really tiring to keep doing what i love when everyone is vocal about hating it#and very few people are vocal about liking it#i do art for me dont get me wrong. and people have been supportive.#but i cant help but wonder if anyone would have even cared about the mega ref at all if it hadn't been surrounded by people full of hate#its just hard to stay motivated and put my all into something that's gotten so much backlash for stupid reasons you know#i've been putting so much love into my work surrounding this AU lately. my writing and my art. for over the past year now#i try not to ask anything in return other than for people to just pay attention to it at all. give it a reblog#but the one time we have something out of it become popular its because people are stupid and bigoted#i dont care about numbers this isnt about that. i just care about returning the passion i put into the world.#if anyone wants to send anything my way feel free. i could use it#sorry for venting
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#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess#but ive just been debating something for a while now#so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons#i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried#2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me#like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh#anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings#and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog#posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home#for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily#you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i#do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap.#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and#art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this#is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk.#le text post
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thinking affectionately of the m9 today :) Happy end-of-campaign anniversary to a bunch of rowdy distrustful chucklefucks with fake names up the wazoo who ended up, among other things:
in a circle on a memory wiping island, telling each other true facts, trusting the others to keep them safe. flinging platinum at scary beasts. getting banned from libraries. becoming pirates. getting banned from a pirate town. pissing off their neighbors with a glowing tree on their house. accidental heroes of a nation. saviours of some lost little kids. a buncha jerks bullying a foreman. flinging themselves into, in front of, and after danger for each other. drawing dicks everywhere. pestering enemies into becoming friends. pulling off(?) absolutely terrible and disastrous heists. attending shitty dinners. reading smut in tunnels. eating food together. being certain the world was going to end. saving it anyway. being kind of shitty. being better.
and maybe, most importantly, who ended up being happy. And better. On a pirate ship at sea, at a crowded dinner in a warm house, surrounded by family, surrounded by breakthroughs and fruits of labour, surrounded by loved ones, by warm flowers and life grown by bare hands. Surrounded by a world they saved, sure, yeah. But. These often unhappy, flawed people, who saved each other. Who saved themselves. Who have a glowing tree house in Xhorhas and a vacation spot on Rumblecusp and a magical tower full of cats. And each other.
they saved the world, they saved themselves, they saved each other, these trainwrecky distrustful little gremlins. happy one year anniversary :'D
#its about so many of them expecting so little from their futures managing to get a happy one anyway.#i know some people were unhappy with the ending of c2 and thats fair but like. hey. isnt it nice that these messed up folks landed upright?#im not phrasing this well. its okay. if i had more energy id try to make something a bit more encompasssing or cleaned up or do an ama but.#im tired. :)#critical role#c2#the mighty nein#if anyone wants SLIGHTLY better phrasing on this feel free to scroll to the bottom of my massive meta post to the m9 section.#i might reblog some later if im feeling nostalgic AND lazy still#meta#is this meta?#m9 end of campaign anniversary#spar speaks#my meta#i GUESS#narrative meta
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#really really hate how thoughtless and oblivious i can be to my own bad behavior#ill know something is important or that a shouldn't do a particular thing#but over time and assumptions and small acts of carelessnes shit just....fades and accumulates and one day#i look up and ive done something very stupid and hurt someone else#and i didn't feel it happening#my mind will take things and hide them from me is what it feels like. ill know they're there but it fades into the background noise#i am hard on the things in my life including people and relationships. and i am always so vulnerable to my own fuckin lmfao inattentivenes#this is why i struggle so much with the idea of ever having an intimate partner or children. it doesn't matter how much i care.#eventually and inevitably i do damage.#and i know consciously that people make mistakes and all you can do is try to course correct and make it right. but it's better#not to hurt anyone in the first place and i really don't know if i will ever be capable of that.#trying to convince myself this kind of shit is growing pains but man. man. i can't stop being what i am and it really#really feels sometimes like i am just destined to break and neglect#but then that ''im broken'' thing feels like trying to dodge around taking responsibility and improving. and i should be better than that.#but god how tf are you supposed to stop dissociating from the reality of what you're doing when you're. dissociated.#all i can ever think to do is isolate#*sigh* guys i think i might need to graduate to therapy with a trauma specialist#or adjust my medication. god. im so tired.#why is it so gd hard to be a normal decent person. it doesn't seem hard but then
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