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apute11as · 3 days

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Everything happens for a reason part 5 - Alexia Putellas x pregnant!reader

Summary: the world cup final holds some bumps and bruises.

Warnings: angst, blood, injury (all resolved don’t worry!!)

Notes: We pretend alexia played the full 90 of the final… and assisted the winner🤫and no R*biales situation. ALSO deepest apologies for how inactive i’ve been, i have been busy but… i’ve also been lazy i’ll try and be better from now on im sorry!! ❤️

⭐️My requests are open!

Other parts here!!

~~~~

Things had been a lot calmer since yours and Alexia’s phone call. The morning sickness and overall fatigue was ever present but the mind numbing arguing had subsided. Alexia still wasn’t overly impressed that you were still playing, as you were nearing the end of your first trimester. The management staff now knew about your pregnancy but after a medical checkup and lots of reassuring, they cleared you to complete the tournament.

The World Cup final was soon and you’d just finished the match that saw you get through. As the final whistle blew, relief flooded your system at the win.

“YES WE’RE THROUGH Y/N!” Screamed Mary, picking you up and hoisting you onto her back.

“I know I can’t believe it!!” You shouted back

The rest of the girls were celebrating as you remained on the goalkeeper’s back, her carrying you around like a carriage.

“Oi careful Mearps don’t want to damage the little princesa!” Bellowed Lucy, upon seeing you on her back.

You were pretty sure Alexia had threatened Lucy in some way in order for her to look out for you whilst Alexia couldn’t. You couldn’t go a day without the older brunette either piling extra food onto your plate, shouting at someone for touching you lightly or simply calling the baby “La princesa”.

——

Later that evening, you were splayed across Lucy’s bed, Alessia beside you as the two of you had decided to bombard the older girl until she agreed to let you come in. A Disney movie was playing in the background as you rested your head in Alessia’s lap, your hand absentmindedly tracing patterns on your small bump.

“Ughh why are my tits so sore!” You groaned

“I don’t think your wife would be too happy about me partaking in a conversation about your tits” joked Lucy sarcastically.

“oh shut up! Everything just hurts all the time now, my whole body just kills, especially after the matches” you whined.

“Old age feels the same” laughed Lucy.

“Well both of you are complaining an awful lot considering we only have the final to go, surely that’s exciting no?” added Alessia

“I mean sure it’s exciting but i’m not really looking forward to playing against my wife and half of our team”

“Yeah me neither honestly” agreed Lucy

“Ugh you’re both so miserable, we’ve made it to our first world cup final!” Alessia insisted

“I can’t wait to go home honestly” you began. “I mean obviously I’d love for us to win and this tournament has been incredible, but I just miss my wife and my dog” you explained, eyes filling with tears.

“Oh honey are you crying?” Alessia asked, pulling you into her embrace

“shut up i’m not crying” you huffed in disgust, causing alessia to squeeze you harder. “it’s the baby it’s not me” you sobbed

“look at that la reina is controlling you through her spawn even when she’s not here” bellowed lucy

“Piss off bronze” you sulked

———

Training leading up to the final was exhausting to say the least, and it really wasn’t helped by the helicopter parenting you got from half of the team, regarding the baby. The running joke of you “carrying the heir to the throne” caught on quick, even Sarina had played into it, which really didn’t help the teasing you were already receiving from the girls.

Alexia had managed to call you every day recently, inquiring after the health of her “princesas” and somehow managing to hover more than anyone, despite not even being there in person. That is how you found yourself, the day before the final on the phone to your wife, despite you both swearing not to speak to each other before the match.

“Yes Alexia i have been eating well” you huffed

“Are you sure mi amor? How is the sickness?” she replied

“Still exists but it’s definitely better now, it’s only in the morning so it’s not draining me quite as much.”

“That’s good bebita, how are you feeling about tomorrow?” Your wife questioned with a frown.

“Hey i thought we agreed, no football talk” you asked, raising your eyebrows.

“sí but i couldn’t resist mi amor, it won’t leave my mind”

“i know Ale but just think, after tomorrow we’ll be together again, regardless of the result” you smiled

“i miss you so much” she sighed

“i miss you too baby” you agreed

———

Dinner that evening was tense, it was evident that despite the excitement in the air at the prospect of a world cup final, the anxiety levels were also high. Even Georgia who was infamous for her inability to keep quiet, was relatively subdued. A strange sense of dread overcame your body as you realised your little bubble would burst as soon as the World Cup was over. Which was not to say that that you didn’t miss your wife because you most definitely did but you knew that this would almost certainly be your last game of competitive football before the baby arrived which was bittersweet when you really thought about it.

“How you feeling darling?” Questions Mary, lightly bumping your hip as she passed her plate onto the chef to be loaded.

“Nervous but excited i think” you half laughed.

“You’ll be amazing, you’ve saved us multiple times in this tournament. I know how hard it’ll be to be up against her but you deserve it y/n! Celebrate that regardless of the result tomorrow”

“You always know what to say Mary” you smiled, bringing the older woman into a hug.

You hadn’t slept so well since the tournament has started, sometimes all that was needed was a friend.

The journey to the match saw you receiving a good luck text from many people, one of which being your mother in law. Although you knew she’d be supporting Spain, as would Alba, you knew that the pair would be proud of both you and Alexia regardless of the result.

——

The bus arrived at the ground after a short 30 minute drive, something you were thankful for as that pregnancy travel sickness was no joke. You were seated next to Alessia much to your delight, the younger girl had been nothing but supportive of you the entire tournament. Ella and Mary were sat opposite you two on the table, playing a rather competitive game of uno.

“You ready?” Alessia sighed as she stood up.

“As ready as i’ll ever be” you said, mirroring her sigh.

“LETS GO GIRLS!” Bellowed Ella, the brunette forever having no filter.

You stepped off the bus, only to be greeted by masses of fans behind the gates, waiting to cheer you in. Many of those fans were adorned in Spanish shirts, likely hoping to get a video of you, Lucy and Keira as you noticed a couple of them with Barça scarves around their necks.

You smiled as you high-fived the row of mascot children to your right, carrying a bottle of water in your other hand.

As you found your way to the changing room, the atmosphere started to sink in as you realised you were actually at a world cup final, something that 5 year-old you had dreamed of since the day your idols Ronaldinho and Rivaldo had stepped onto that same stage 21 years ago.

Pitch inspection was up next as you wandered beside your captain with her reminding you of formation and reassuring you of your importance to the team throughout the tournament. You looked across the pitch and saw the Spanish team doing the same thing, wondering whether or not it would be appropriate to go and greet them.

Lucy being Lucy, beat you to that thought as she bounded over in the direction of Ona and your recognisably pink-haired girlfriend. Alexia was adorned in a navy blue tracksuit that proudly (or rather not so) displayed the RFEF emblem on her heart.

You wandered over, slightly more carefully than your counterpart, locking eyes with your wife as she looked up from her phone. Her gaze softened as it met yours, the both of you knowing that a conversation would result in tears, no matter the nature of it. Instead, you chose a simple hug, a hug that said more than words ever could. One of her arms was settled on your back, the other reached gently over your hoodie to caress the small bump that formed there.

“I love you” she whispered softly in your ear.

“Te amo” you responded, before breaking the hug and wandering back over to join the rest of your teammates, knowing you both needed the focus before the match and any further interaction would have to wait for the sake of concentration.

Upon reaching the dressing room, you began to change into your warmup kit, placing your hands where your wife’s have been just moments ago and smiling.

“Starting to show are we?” Questioned Leah with a smirk

“Hmm yes a little” you smiled

“How do you feel seeing her?” She inquired after Alexia

“Honestly relieved to be with her again” you sighed

“Well that’s good darling, we’ve got a game to win now come on!” She cheered as she dragged you by the arm, onto the pitch.

——

You readied yourself into position, you spared a simple glance at your wife, knowing that regardless of the result today you would end up in her arms and that thought alone was enough to calm some of the nerves currently enveloping your body. You glanced into the stadium briefly, scanning the crowd where your gaze met your mother and sister in law, cheering frantically. You noticed that Alba was in fact wearing an England scarf on top of her Spain jersey, a detail that made you grin slightly at her love.

The game kicked off relatively fast paced with Spain holding much of possession but luckily the majority of that possession was through their defence and midfield and far from your backline. The actual tempo of the game was relatively calm with the majority of Spain’s attacking opportunities being closed down through the talented midfield and sharp defence that England possessed.

However this all but changed in the 29th minute as Lucy made a risky run out into the middle and you were torn between covering her and staying on Jenni as she’d positioned herself perfectly onside, ready to receive any loose ball that came her way and likely put it in the net, knowing the talented feet of the 33 year old. Ultimately you stood your ground with Jenni, calling on Georgia to come back and cover. Before Georgia could grasp what you were saying over the volume of the crowd, Spain had regained possession via Alexia as she slotted a pass of pin point accuracy across to Olga Carmona who running at full speed down the wing, the wing in which Lucy should reside. Damn Lucy Bronze and her spontaneous spurts of energy. Your legs moved faster than your mind as you raced across the pitch, attempting to thwart Spain’s promising attack but before you could get there, Carmona struck the ball with a perfection that many could only dream of. You watched as the ball soared across the goal, straight at the right post and hit the back of the net as Mary stretched out fully.

The save never came.

Everything went silent.

Spain had scored and there was nothing you could do about it.

Your ears tuned back into reality as you watched Olga lift her shirt to reveal a message in celebration, you watched as her teammates, including your wife, rushed to pile her into a group hug. You watched as your own teammates sauntered back to the half way line in despair, knowing that your decision to stick back could’ve been the decider that cost a goal in potentially the most important game of your career.

Despite all this, you couldn’t help but feel a warmth inside you as you saw Alexia, the look of pure passion and happiness on her face, a look you missed seeing when she played. Your wife had assisted the goal to put her team ahead in a World Cup final and despite it being against your beloved England, you couldn’t help but feel a small sense of joy for the woman you loved.

——

Half time couldn’t have come any sooner as you wiped your brow and plodded off the field, exhausted from both the physical and emotional battles that the first half had brought.

The dressing room was tense, Sarina was in the centre of it offering a motivating team talk, a team talk you payed little attention to as all you could think about was how you selfishly hoped she’d pull you off at half time. You’d never ask to come off but if she did decide to take you off in that moment, you couldn’t help but feel you’d be happy for the rest as the pregnancy was seriously impacting your energy levels.

To your disappointment, your prayers were not answered and you were forced to likely endure another 45 minutes of football, despite the ache that persisted throughout your body. You gathered into the huddle of your teammates, just as the second half was about to commence.

“You alright y/n?” Asked Lucy, concern etched in her face

“Mhm just a little exhausted” you assured the older woman

“Well vamos chica let’s kick some Spanish ass!” Cheered Lucy, as the huddle broke up and everyone returned to their positions.

——

The second half started slowly with near enough no excitement, England has their chances throughout but none of them connected, hitting the crossbar or going just wide every time.

That didn’t stop Spain from fighting for a second all throughout, a second they might be coming close to.

Aitana dribbled through the English midfield as if they were cones in her training drill, leaving each one for dead and proceeding to boot in your direction. You met her run, using your body to shield your goal as she curved to the left, in an attempt to foil you but you stood your ground. Hands behind your back, body perfectly positioned as you blocked her powerful cross that would’ve found Jenni, unmarked in the box had it not been for your body. The ball went out for a corner as you let out a small sigh of relief which didn’t last long as you moved to mark none other than your wife on the edge of the box.

“Hola bebita” alexia grinned, in an attempt to distract you

“Shut up Putellas” you countered, causing her to roll her eyes and laugh from behind you, where her body was flush against your back, albeit a little softer than usual. Likely due to the precious cargo you carried.

Mariona aligned herself at an angle with the corner flag, holding one arm in the air to signal the corner routine.

A split second later she struck her foot to release the ball, a ball heading in your direction. You jumped and full power, in an attempt to beat a most definitely taller Alexia to the ball. Alexia jumper almost in sync, mind set on nothing but ensuring the ball reached the back of the net. However, neither of you made it to the ball and Alexia’s head collided sharply with the back of your head, causing a wave of pain to wash over you and your whole body to crumple forwards due to the shock, Alexia landing half on top of you.

You screamed out in pain as everything went black.

“Y/N!” Screamed Mary as she watched blood drip from your head.

“MEDIC NOW!” Yelled Lucy as the medical staff came rushing over to your unconscious form.

Alexia rubbed her head in pain as she sprung up at the commotion, met with the sight of her wife bleeding on the floor. Her pregnant wife, hurt, because if her. Reality kicked in at that moment.

“No no no no mi amor.” She pleaded “Lo siento, lo siento” she beckoned as she crouched down, eyes wide in horror at the sight in front of her.

She felt an arm grip her shoulder and pull her back and was met with the faces of Chloe Kelly and Lauren James as they shoved her away, screaming abuse in her face.

You’d regained consciousness as this point as the medics shone a light in your face and began assessing the wound.

“She’s pregnant” Mary announced to the medics, as they nodded with a look of pure worry that elicited a sinking feeling in the stomachs of those present.

Your teammates huddled close by, with concern present on all of their faces. Alexia fought her way back through pleading to you.

“Go away Alexia” was all you could manage before you slipped back out of consciousness.

Alexia’s heart broke at the sight, you blamed her, you thought she’d done it on purpose, shock set into her body as she watched in horror as the medical team loaded you onto a stretcher and stretched you off to medical.

“¡Quiero ir con ella!” Alexia demanded towards Vilda who shook his head and began lecturing her in Spanish. She protested consistently but eventually agreed to play the final 10 minutes, out of fear of punishment, not to herself by the younger players, should she argue any further.

The final whistle felt like an eternity later. Alexia having done nothing but fight the urge to run off the pitch in the final 10 minutes. Spain had won the World Cup but Alexia had no desire to celebrate with her team, all she wanted was to run to her wife and ensure you and the baby were okay. She was stopped by a firm grip on her hands as Vilda shoved her in the direction of the team. She shoved him right back, a moment she knew would be plastered all over social media later. A problem that could wait for the future.

As she was stopped again, Alexia spotted her mother in the crowd and signalled for her to find you and her mother did so, barging past security and into the tunnel.

Alexia slipped past everyone, ignoring the beckoning of the Spanish staff and bolted into the tunnel, knowing that the media would tear her apart later, calling her “cocky” “overrated” and “ungrateful” for her obvious disinterest in the trophy and general celebration but she did not care. The only thing on her mind in that moment was her family. No medal, trophy or football game was more important that you or her child.

After a frantic search she located you, accompanied by your medical staff and her mother and sister.

“Mi Estella, lo siento mucho” she pleaded, tears welling in her eyes

“I know Ale you didn’t mean it” you mumbled weakly

“No of course not amor! Are you okay? El bebé? Is the baby okay?” She rambled, ignoring the look of pure shock on her mother and sister’s face.

“We’re running tests now, just prepping an ultra sound machine” informed one of the doctors, as he squirted a blue gel across the gentle curve of your stomach.

“I’m so sorry querida” tears were streaming now “I hurt you! I hurt our bebita” she spluttered cupping your face as you felt the doctor begin to move the probe over your stomach.

“Ale no it’s okay, i’m okay look” you gestured towards the ultrasound machine

A steady heart beat filled the room.

A grainy image of your baby filled the screen.

The baby was okay.

“Oh, gracias a Dios” her mother exclaimed, relieved at the health of her grandchild that she’d only learnt existed moments ago.

“YOU’RE PREGNANT?!” Yelled Alba

“Sí lo siento for not telling you both, I found out during the tournament, we’ve been trying for months” you smiled, tears in your eyes.

The ultrasound technician wiped the gel with a tissue before printing out several copies of the image.

Your wife was unbelievably silent, staring, mouth wide at the ultrasound.

“Alexia” you called

“Te quiero más que a nada” she breathed. “I’m so sorry mi amor, I’ve missed you so much” she placed a gentle kiss to your lips, squeezing your hands firmly with her sweaty ones, before she placed a second kiss to your bump.

“I’m so glad we’re together again mi vida” you replied with a smile, touching your foreheads together.

“I so hope it’s a girl so she can be alba junior!” Raved the younger Putellas sister

“ALBA!” Alexia and Eli retorted simultaneously.

~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading this series, please send any requests in my inbox and any feedback too i love you all <3

#woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso #barca femeni x reader #barcelona femeni x reader #barcelona femeni #fc barcelona

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ozlices · 6 months

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as a person w so goddamn much medical trauma the thought of having to go through the process to find a new doctor that is not just simply compatible w me, but who is also, like. u know. an actually nice, understanding person who will put genuine effort into taking proper care of me is so taxing. like i wish it was a simpler process, but it's not. bc i gotta deal w the very real possibility that by having to go through this process, my medical trauma will be worsened even further. & it is already bad enough that i have panic attacks every time i have to go to any sort of medical facility.

im literally so fucking furious over how much this happens. & that there's no fucking consequence for doing it to a Human Being. for tossing a Human Being that needs medical care aside like a piece of fucking trash. the american healthcare system is such a stupid fucking joke.

#mine #and it sucks bc tbh im at a point where i rly wish i could say 'fuck it' & just. not bother.#but i dont have a choice bc im on daily medications that i cant abruptly stop & Have to take to function #like i literally dont even know how to like. deal w processing the doctor my family has had for potentially decades just dropping me #outta nowhere. like damn i literally cant even trust the doctor literally my entire immediate family has seen for YEARS #to fucking give a shit abt me.#ive been through such an absurd amount of betrayals this year i literally feel like a broken shell of a person #im numbing. i really fucking am. what the fuck else am i sposed to do.#like... literally i feel so nauseous over this shit.#no warning. no head's up. just 'oh btw we're not treating [them] anymore.'#like ?????????????????#bruh this year has fucking brutalized my dissociation. i literally dont feel like a real person w feelings anymore.#bc ive just been treated like a piece of shit that's an inconvenience & a burden & worth more effort than i deserve to be granted.#it's so... just... idk. man. i dont even have it in me to be sad or hurt anymore #im just so fucking burnt out & exhausted. ive been wallowing in merciless agony since i had to move back in w my parents #i am genuinely BARELY surviving at this point & Still shit just Keeps Piling On.#i literally dont know what to do w myself anymore. im trying as hard as i fucking can but holy fucking shit.#i already have way less energy to spare than the average person bruh. it's ridiculous #im sick of being told it'll be ok. im sick of being told ppl feel sorry for me.#im sick of complaining. im sick of being miserable. im sick of feeling like this.#i just want to be done w all the hardships im so fucking exhausted i dont wanna be a person anymore man.#also like. v fucking taxing bc not every doctor can nor will prescribe my adhd meds.#so. like. that's also terrifying. nauseating to deal with.#i literally just want to give up bruh and not even in a suicidal way like i just am so sick of trying for nothing #i could do nothing at all and still be put through bullshit im over it all im so fucking over it.#never in my life has being told 'it'll be ok' felt more dismissive than it does this year but my god. does it feel so dismissive & taxing.#ive literally never not been more not okay than i have been this year. & i continuously get more brutalized no matter what.#it's exhausting as shit just let me fucking breathe what the fuck jfc.

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bunnihearted · 3 months

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being in pain is so isolating nd alienating lol >.<

#bc the thing is nobody cares abt your pain. like that's simply human psychology #so even if that's how the human mind is built nd it's understandable. it still sucks to receive so little sympathy nd understanding #like i mean ppl get sick nd tired of u when u talk abt the pain nd just want u to stop complaining nd be positive #nd they're rlly unsympathetic nd just want u to shut up nd do the things you're supposed to do without whining #so yes idk having to shut up abt it makes me feel like im stuck all alone inside this miserable bubble #either way im getting better nd better at not talking abt it!!!!! even on here i dont say like 80% of what i wanna vent abt sksksks #ppl always treat me as if im exaggarating or just anxious nd worried nd that i need to relax nd that everythings fine #so i've gotten way better at keeping it inside nd not bothering anyone w it!!! thats good #i mean it hurts nd makes me feel isolated buuut it's better than being a burden nd a bother nd making ppl roll their eyes nd sigh at me #but it's also so hard for me to seek medical attention for anything bc i feel like im just being dramatic nd annoying #idk... anyway so many things i wanna complain abt rn pain wise but im doing so good at shutting up abt them i need a gold star ⭐️#hand in hand w this im getting better at just shutting up nd doing what ppl want me to do nd think im supposed to do even if im in pain

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sensazioneultra · 1 year

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am truly having the most miserable week and if i have to stay home and be sick in bed today i might truly go completely insane

#i kmow this sounds insand but i wanna go to work #i am sick and tired if being sick and tired #i wanna be OKAY mentally physically okay i wanna be fine #sorry ik i complain a lot lately but rn im feeling super awful like #im just so tired of the fact theres always smth wrong w me #either its mental illness or my body fucking fighting me i am sick of it i am tired #i literally feel like crying at the thought of staying j #in bed miserable and sick when i actually had plans today for once #and like yeah j was anxioys abt them and contemplating not going but nowk #im like no pls god. i wanna go. idc if it goes badly i just wanna GO #i hate everything im so #life rly isnt fun rn its actually rly fucking miserable and im. at my limit #and the thought of havjng to deal w mh doctor also makes me wanna scream #i hate that man hes so useless #and its fucking 6am ive been awake for an.hour and idk if i can sleep more i might have to just sit in bed and sloely go insane #ok thats enough i gota wavw of nausea im going #delete later

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yellowhearther0 · 2 years

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fucking. whatever honestly

#neg #not even using my tag im abt to have a cat 5 moment here #vent #negative #yada yada catchall sorry abt this #but i am jsut. so fuckibg sick and tired of being miserable and in pain all the damn time #its so goddamn isolating to know theres something heavily and wildly wrong with you and have nowhere to go and no ability to do a fuckibg #thing about it because the only people in your life you could go to you dont fucking trust #im SICK of fucking waking up every morning having no idea who the hell i even am im sick of sleeping through half my classes because #i feel like im about to pass out constantly im sick of seeing things that arent there in the corner of my eye im sick of spending everyday #that im at home pratically immobile because i barely have the energy to get out of fucking bed im tired of not being hungry ever so i dont #eat enough even though i know i need to eat more #im so fucking sick of it #i just want to know whats fucking wrong with me so i dont want to fucking off myself because i dont know whats happening to me and im #fucking terrified #im so fucking scared all of the fucking time because i dont know what to do or who to go to or what to say because its all too fucking much #everything hurts and im so fucking tired and i want it to stop and i dont know what to do #and anytime i complain i get taken the fucking piss out of but its my fault because i take the piss out of my own problems #and its not fucking fair to get mad when other people laugh along #and plus its not like anyone can ever do anything bc i dont want to put my big problems onto others #and i brush people off whenever they ask if im okay or not #and its not like i dont want help its just im so bad at asking for it and so bad at reaching out and so so bad at trustibg people when it #comes to things like this that i dont think i ever will get help and its entirely my own fault #im facing the consequences of my actions and now im all alone.#fuckibg. yippee

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anxious-witch · 5 months

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So a continuation of this soulmate poly! JO au

So! Again, this is not my usual high quality stuff, isn't beta read or edited and I have been feeling kinda eh about writing lately so...yeah. Be warned before going into it. But so many of your wanted some sort of conclusion so I had to give you one. I hope it's at least somewhat satisfying.

This needed a warning for vomitting not the last one my bad, also TW for Bojan's general low self esteem

Bojan wasn't feeling well. And it wasn't only because he was hungover from the whole spiked drink yesterday. No. It was also due to the fact that now they all knew that he was their fifth soulmate.

He woke up surrounded by three of them. Jure was curled around his right side, with Kris' arm thrown over both him and Bojan. Bojan was snuggled in Jan's chest and Jan's hand protectively hovered over his head.

Nace was probably already up. Bojan laid there fir a moment. Soaking in the warmth. For once, his soulmark didn't ache but instead hummed pleasantly.

It felt so natural, it was hard to remember why he was so scared of it.

Then a sudden nausea hit him and he had to practically launch himself from the bed. Jan stirred and sleepily called out to him, but Bojan didn't turn. He ran to the bathroom, just in time to throw up in the toilet.

He wasn't sure how he ended up on his knees and gripping the toilet. He also wasn't sure when Jan joined him by sitting on the floor and rubbing his back.

Only when he stopped throwing up for more than a few seconds did he lean more into the comforting touch.

"Aren't you supposed to be angry at me?" Bojan mumbled tiredly.

"Oh, I am furious," Jan said easily, "I just don't see the point of having this conversation until you feel better."

Bojan made a pityful sound, closing his eyes. His head hurt, his stomach hurt, his soulmark ached. He just wanted to die.

"You might as well. I am feeling miserable anyway. We can go for full physical and emotional destruction."

Jan sighed and gently ran his head through Bojan's hair.

"Kris went to make you tea and Jure to dig out some painkillers. Nace will probably make something to eat when he comes back from his run, if he hasn't already."

Jan scratched his scalp, like he was a dog. It was pleasant though and Bojan couldn't help but let iut a sigh and lean into it.

"I don't deserve you guys."

The fingers in his hair froze. You said something stupid again, Bojan's mind hissed.

"We'll talk about that too."

"I'm sorry."

Jan continued stroking his hair, but didn't reply. Bojan's soulmarked burned like a brand. He hates you, he hates you, he will never forgive you-

Kris arrived at that moment, taking in their state. His eyes softened as he watched them.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit. I don't know if you are asking physically or mentally, but the answer is the same."

Kris crouched down and gently put his hand on Bojan's forehead. His eyes fluttered shut at the gesture.

"You don't have a temperature," he mused, "which means just a bad hangover. You should come back to bed. I bought a bucket if you are sick again. And there is tea and painkillers. Nace is making pancakes too."

Bojan felt a sudden pressure of tears. Why were they all so nice? So considerate? Shouldn't they be yelling and demanding an explanation? He felt like he'd prefer that. It was what he deserved.

"Bojan, hey, what's wrong? Does something hurt?"

Kris gentle voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he realized he was crying. He shook his head and covered him face.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Why wre you all being nice? Why aren't you yelling at me? Why-"

"Shhh."

Kris hugged him to his chest and Bojan's body shook im his embrace. He kept a litany of apologies through the sobs.

"Jan, go tell Nace to finish pancakes later. I will get Bojan to the bedroom. I think we all need to talk first."

Jan probably nodded, because Bojan heard him get up and step out of the bathroom. Then Kris gently picked him up. Bojan didn't even complain, simply buried his face in Kris' chest.

He carried him to the bedroom.

"What happened? Is he alright?"

Bojan's heart squeezed at Jure's worried tone, but he didn't feel capable of answering. Which was why he was thankful for Kris.

"I am not sure. He started apologizing and then burst into tears. I think everything is hitting him just now. And you know how the bond can be overwhelming at first."

When he put Bojan on the bed, Jure curled at his back. Bojan reached out with one hand to him.

And Jure took it, interlacing their fingers. His and Kris' presence calmed him down slightly. Enough for him to stop babbling apologies at least, if not stop crying yet.

"Oh, Bojan," he heard Nace say from further away.

Then two more bodies joined the pile. Bojan could recognize each, despite having his face buried in Kris's chest.

That slowly made him calm down enough to stop the tears and carefully pull back from Kris' chest.

Kris didn't let him go far, gripping his waist when he tried to. Which was ridiculous, because they all surrounded him. He cleared his throat, blood rushing to his cheeks.

“Right. Can we just…get this over with, please?”

“Get it over with?” Jan hissed.

Bojan flinched a bit at his tone, ducking down to hide in Kris’ chest again.

“Jan,” Nace chastised him from somewhere behind his back, “Let's try and do this calmly.”

Jure squeezed his hand and then Jan swore, almost as if someone elbowed him.

“Fine.”

“Bojan, could you sit up, please?” Nace asked.

Did he have much of a choice at this point? Bojan sat up, suddenly much more aware of four pairs of eyes watching him.

He stubbornly stared into his lap.

“Tell us what happened,” Jure urged gently.

“I was at the bar, I was flirting with a guy. He drugged my drink.”

Jan sighed loudly, but it was Kris who spoke up.

“That's not what we are asking. We want to know why you don't want us.”

That made him snap his head up, staring at Kris in disbelief. Kris, who was biting his lip and looked incredibly close to tears.

“What? I never said that!”

“You made it quite clear.”

Bojan felt as if he'd been slapped. He could take them being angry, or even saying they don't want him anymore, but he couldn't take them thinking he didn't want them.

“That's not true at all! Of course I want you!”

Kris did not look particularly convinced, hunching in on himself. Bojan met Jan's eyes instead.

“Then why didn't you say anything? Jesus, Bojan Kris knows you for a decade.”

“Because by the time I realized, the two of you were already together! And then I couldn't say anything because I thought that if you had each other, why would you want me?”

Jan took in a sharp breath and Kris paled noticeably, but Bojan wasn't done. He turned his eyes to Jure.

“So I kept silent, until Jure came along. And then he fit right in. Not just in the band, but with the two of you. And I thought, fuck, I'm too late. So I didn't say anything again. By the time Nace came into the picture, I-I had no idea what to do. Besides, we all know I would ruin this.”

Jure crossed the distance between them in a second, practically launching himself towards Bojan and pulling him into a hug.

“Never,” Jure said vehemently.

Bojan felt a sudden wave of love wash over him. It took him a second to realize it wasn't coming from him, but from the Jure's side of the bond.

It was enormous and overwhelming and Bojan was completely unprepared for it. Which made panic seize his chest.

Then, Nace was there, putting a hand on the back of his neck.

“Breathe. I know it's overwhelming at first, but just breathe through it. Jure, back up a bit he isn't used to the bond yet.”

The sensation eased up a bit, even if Jure didn't let go of him. Bojan took in a shaky breath.

“Why do you think you'd ruin it?” Kris asked after a moment.

Feeling their emotions in tandem with their words was new. Even without prying, he could feel hurt and worry from Kris. Bojan realized with a pang that that meant they could feel the turmoil of his emotions, too.

This was exactly what he wanted to spare them from.

“Because of this! I am difficult to deal with. I know all of you know it, because you had to deal with me. But that's different from being in a relationship with me. Kris met like, all of my girlfriends, he can testify.”

Jure's arms tighten against him, paired up with a slight pang of annoyance. Bojan bit his lip to stop himself from apologizing. They should be aware of what they were getting into.

He expected Kris to look angry or maybe defeated, but instead he looked thoughtful.

“From what I remember of that, the biggest issue was you putting us and the band in general before them. Which wouldn't be a problem here, would it?”

Bojan stared. He never thought of it like that.

“That's still not a good idea. I am difficult to deal with. You'll get tired of me.”

Jan snorted and Bojan turned to glare. Jan met his gaze calmly.

“Right. Because before this we never took care of you being sick every two to three weeks? Nace didn't calm you when you got panic attacks? Jure and I don't regularly feed you because you are unable to cook more than two meals? Kris doesn't have your schedule memorized and reminds you of what you need to do?”

Bojan felt as if Jan's gaze was burning through him, right into his soul. He ducked his head. Except, Jan reached out and Jure moved, curling at his left so Jan could tilt Bojan's chin up.

“Look at me.”

So Bojan did, a zing of electricity going down his spine as he did so. Any rational argument he had got thrown outside of the window.

“You borrow our clothes and you cuddle with us and we are all together almost 24/7. Why the fuck would that change if we were in a relationship with you?”

Bojan opened and closed his mouth several times, feeling as if Jan had just knocked out all the cards from his hands. Like all the insecurities that held him back were insignificant in the face of Jan's argument.

His head suddenly started hurting even more and he closed his eyes.

“I don't know.”

“Alright. Postponing the rest of this for later. Bojan, go brush your teeth, we'll bring tea and painkillers in the meantime.”

Leave it to Kris to organize everything in a second.

“Can't I get a coffee?” Bojan asked, peering at him and pointedly avoiding Jan's gaze.

“After we are sure you won't throw up again. Do you need help getting up?”

Jan finally let go of his chin and Bojan tried not to feel disappointed. He never kissed any of them properly, it was always something for the cameras.

He wondered what it would be like to kiss them for real.

That thought scared him enough to jolt him into action and he quickly got up from the bed. Too quickly, since dark spots began to dance in his vision.

Nace swore and reached out to steady him.

“I'll go with him-”

“No,” Jan interrupted, “you go finish those pancakes. I got him.”

Bojan tensed. It wasn't that he didn't trust Jan, because he did. He trusted all of them with his life. The thing was, Jan seemed the most angry out of all of them and he didn't sugarcoat anything. Bojan wasn't sure how being alone with him would go.

No one protested though, Kris simply exchanged a long look with Jan and then nodded.

Bojan wondered if that simply cane with sharing a bond for so long and then he suddenly felt very, very lonely.

So he didn't protest when Jan took Nace's place and led him to the bathroom. He took his toothbrush and brushed his teeth. Jan walked closer and took his own, so they both brushed their teeth and Bojan tried not to think about how domestic that felt.

That distracted him enough for him not to notice that the toothbrush was the exact same one he had at home until after he finished.

“Since when does Nace have everyone's spare toothbrush?”

“Since we all started dating?”

Bojan started at Jan through the mirror. Jan calmly washed his mouth with water.

“I haven't been dating you.”

Jan sighed as he stood upright again and put his toothbrush back where it belonged.

“No. But even before the soulmark, you were always considered welcome. I think…on some level we all knew.”

Bojan swallowed against sudden urge to cry again.

“I should have known. The way you looked when we saw Nace's mark, I-”

“Don't say that. You didn't know because I didn't want you to. It's not your fault.”

Jan gave him a wry smile, shaking his head.

“Isn't it? Maybe if we figured it out sooner, you wouldn't think you were unwanted. For seven years, apparently.”

Jan's emotions were more guarded than Kris’ and yet, Bojan could practically taste the bitterness and hurt pouring from him.

Bojan couldn't help but reach for him, but as soon as he touched his arm, Jan tensed.

“I'm sorry. It-it's not your fault, okay? I promise.”

Jan pursed his lips.

“If you say so.”

He stepped closer then closer again, until their chests were almost touching. Jan didn't stop him, but also didn't make any moves towards him, either.

Bojan cupped his face and pressed his lips to his anyway, trying to pour all his mixed feelings into it. Then Jan moved, pinning him back against the sink. Bojan gasped and Jan took that opportunity to deepen the kiss.

There was so much longing in the kiss, Bojan kept trying to pull him closer, making a protesting noise when Jan pulled back.

“This is a bad idea. We need to talk this through first.”

“Oh.”

Jan was probably right. It was not a good idea, especially with the mess of emotions Bojan was feeling. Still, it was difficult not to feel a pang of disappointment. He felt…rejected.

He nodded and hung his head low.

“Fuck. Bojan that isn't-Hey.”

Jan lifted his chin once more and Bojan shivered. Something about the gesture made Bojan feel very small in comparison.

“I am not rejecting you. This is just because I don't want to take this too far before you feel secure in the bond, okay?”

Bojan swallowed and watched and Jan's eyes traced the movement.

“Okay.”

Jan took in a deep breath and then took a step back. Then he extended his hand out to Bojan.

“Com'on now. The others are waiting.”

Then he was tugged back into the bedroom. Jure and Kris were sitting on the bed and talking quietly, while Nace still didn't return. They went quiet once they entered and Bojan tried not to fidget.

“Don't stop on my account,” he mumbled, trying to get under the covers.

Perhaps he could suffocate himself under the blankets.

“Wait! The painkillers!”

Bojan stopped halfway, and Kris handed his the painkillers and the water. He tried not to make a face at being treated like a child. Firstly Jan with pulling back and now the rest of them eith treating him like he was fragile. They cared and objectively, he was aware he scared them last night.

So he took them and handed the glass back to Kris. Then he got under the covers and buried his face into a pillow.

“Why is he sulking?” Kris asked, directing the question at Jan.

“He kissed me and I said I don't want things to escalate until he feels comfortable with the bond.”

“He wasn't too happy about that, huh?”

Bojan was about to snap at them for talking like he wasn't there, but then another person shuffled under the covers and pulled him closer. Jure.

Jure's emotions were always on the surface and Bojan could feel them much easier than Jan's. There was a sense of deep contentment that he didn't expect.

Jure pressed a kiss into his hair and Bojan felt his annoyance begin to dissipate. Kris shuffled closer and began petting his hair and-yeah, okay, he could get used to that.

He was starting to drift when Nace came back, announcing that the pancakes were done. Bojan groggily got up, rubbing at his eyes.

“You can eat later if you are tired,” Nace said with such a soft look, Bojan felt the need to squirm.

“But I want pancakes,” he protested.

Jan laughed.

“Just let him eat. Maybe that'll wake him up.”

Bojan glared.

“Maybe now I won't go exactly because of that.”

Jan smirked.

“Well good thing we can all carry you then, no?”

“No-”

Nace crossed the room in a few steps and picked him up as if he weighed nothing. Bojan squealed. He knew Nace could pick him up, but actually being picked up was quite different.

He wrapped his arms around Nace's neck, even if he was pretty sure Nace wouldn't drop him.

“Rude,” he mumbled in his neck.

He was lulled once again into a feeling of contentment that simply radiated from the bond. Was it supposed to feel like that? Did it always feel like that for them?

Nace gently dropped him in a chair at the dining table. Bojan absent mindedly reached for the pancakes while the others all took their seats.

“Does it always feel like that? The bond, I mean.”

Kris cocked his head.

“How does it feel?”

“Content. Calming. Like…things clicked in place.”

Kris’ gaze softened.

“Not quite. There was always something missing. Like the connection flowed between the four of us and then it just…hit a wall.”

“Oh.”

Bojan fidgeted with his knife before anxiously taking the jam and smearing it over the pancake. He wasn't sure what to say.

“We have been waiting for you,” Nace added softly.

And this, this was exactly what Bojan wanted to avoid. He covered his face, willing himself not to cry again.

“This is why I didn't say anything. I don't-I can't complete you.”

“You already do.”

He began shaking his head, but then Kris was gently pulling his hands away from his face.

“We already acted like you are a part of this relationship, excluding kissing and sex. You already cuddle and steal all of our clothes. You hate being alone so you are in one of our apartments half the time. You already act like you are our boyfriend, this is just a confirmation you belong with us.”

Bojan felt speechless again. So he did one thing he could think about at that moment. He kissed him.

This kiss was much softer than the one he shared with Jan. Kris kissed almost hesitantly, as if not believing he was real. When Bojan tried to press harder, someone cleared their throat and Kris pulled away.

Of course it was Jan.

“Still not a great idea Bojči,” he reminded him.

Bojan stared at Kris, who was still kneeling by his chair, looking a bit dazed.

“Maybe not such a bad idea, if it'll help convince him,” Nace said, shrugging, “But we should wait until after breakfast.”

Bojan's brain came to a screeching halt.

“C-convince me?”

Jure sighed.

“That we want you. Obviously.”

Bojan swallowed. Don't think about it. But Kris was already kneeling and-

“Kris, go sit in your chair before Bojan has another crisis. And let's just finish eating first, yeah? Then we can discuss other things.”

He felt his cheeks heat at Jan's words and Jure chuckled. Kris simply rolled his eyes and went to take his seat.

They all began to eat and Bojan just tried to take everything in as they fell into easy conversation like nothing had happened.

His world tilted on its axis and…kept spinning, almost exactly the same as it had before. And surely, this would change things. Perhaps even his fears would be confirmed with time.

But for now, Bojan sat with four of his soulmates that he loved more than anyone else and simply let himself breathe.

Bojan was born with four stripes on his stomach. Yellow, red, purple and blue. And for the first time, his pink joined into the rainbow it created.

#my writing #poly! jo #joker out #I am too lazy to tag them all sorry it's like 12:20 am lmao

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catboyidia · 6 months

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how i think asgzc handles being/behaves while sick

(except im actually projecting because im really sick and miserable and mildly (very) delirious)(also this was written mostly in the short period between like 30 min fever dream plagued naps… so its all over the place and don’t expect accurate characterization)

angeal: hes that one motherfucker that can have a high fever and will still insist on doing everything, he could be on his deathbed and still trying to do stuff and care for everyone else until everyone else literally forces him to stop and rest, and even then he will still try to downplay his illness and worry about everyone else

sephiroth: realistically he doesn’t get sick but like… we’re ignoring that… he’s absolutely pitiful but without even meaning to be, like he’s perfectly fine being alone and letting it run its course but he ends up just looking so pitiful that genesis and angeal can’t resist him, they won’t leave him alone and end up trying to comfort sephiroth in any way possible, and upon trying to cuddle him, sephiroth will immediately cling to them, betraying his original ability to be alright alone

genesis: gets super clingy and whiny and refuses to let sephiroth or angeal leave him alone, inevitably forcing them to get sick with him, and hes total crybaby the entire time, needing reassurance about everything he has ever done and will ever do because for some reason being really sick makes him reflect on himself which makes him emotional and regret everything he’s ever done and fear that he isn’t good enough for sephiroth and angeal, all the emotional baggage and insecurities come flooding out until he cries himself to sleep again, wakes up from the strangest fever dream, clings to whoever is closest and the cycle continues, only breaking every so often when he forces sephiroth and angeal to feed him or they force genesis to take medicine, all the necessities ect.

zack: whiny clingy and needy, will cling to cloud like his life depends on it and uses cloud as a living teddy bear, unable to be left alone because if anyone even mentions leaving him alone for a second he immediately starts looking like a kicked puppy and clings on even tighter, desperate to be comforted, and needs to be distracted often from the fact that he is sick or else he will complain about how shitty he feels 24/7, also he will throw a fit and refuse any medication like a child until angeal either shoves a pill down his throat like a dog or crushes it up and hides it in some kind of food… also like a dog… angeal basically has to employ every dog medicine giving tactic

cloud: tries to isolate and let the illness do its thing, not wanting to get anyone else sick, and also not really wanting anyone else to see him sick and think he’s weak because he thinks every little thing, including unavoidable things like getting sick, will make him seem weak, but zack refuses to leave him alone, trying to comfort cloud in any way possible, trying to tend to every single one of clouds needs and constantly makes sure cloud is okay, although cloud tries to push zack away because he doesn’t want zack to get sick, plus unfortunately zack can get a bit stressful and be a bit of a pain in the ass to handle at times

#… maybe i projected really hard on one of them in particular… no one will ever guess who…#the answer is genesis and part of it is actually based off of a specific time i got sick as a kid #i am miserable and feel super shitty and cant do much so im doing what i can… making a questionable post i probs wont remember later :)#but that kinda seems like part of the fun!#unleash it and let others determine how much sense your half asleep sick fever dream brain makes #im not thinking straight at all i’ve been sick for a few days already so im slightly better now but not enough to think right yet #but then i also get to figure it out and make sense of it when im better enough to think :)#ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #crisis core #asgzc #angeal hewley #sephiroth #genesis rhapsodos #zack fair #cloud strife

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rengokuswif3 · 2 years

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The Pillars When Sick

Tengen Uzui

He is SUCH a pain in the ass while he’s sick

He likes to act sicker than he actually is to get extra special treatment from you and the rest of his wives

He whines a lot and is definitely that sick person to have a bell to alert the others he needs assistance. Like he will ring the damn bell so much you grab it and chuck it out the window, which only results in more whining from him

He will want all 4 of you to cuddle with him, yes he might get you sick but HE WANTS LOVE DAMMIT HE DOESNT FEEL GOOD

Giyu Tomioka

Literally the only normal one here and won’t be stubborn or obnoxious, he’ll just sleep the sickness off

He does want a lot of hot soups and teas, which isn’t a problem for you because he’s so sweet you want to take care of him

He doesn’t like to bother you so when he needs something he’s VERY hesitant

“Y/N? Um…sorry but could you please get me another blanket?”

Like YES BABY I CAN-

Shinobu Kocho

Sick? What is sick? She doesn’t get sick. She treats people who get sick. She doesn’t get sick herself

Like god forbid she catches a sickness from one of her patients, cause she’ll deny that she’s sick until she’s literally about to collapse

“You know for a doctor you don’t seem to care about your health all that much.”

“Im healthy, that’s why, I don’t get-ACHOO…sick-“

Muichiro Tokito

Actually never gets sick. Like when he does it completely knocks him down for days, but he really doesn’t get sick very often

“Well you like to sit outside in the rain all the time so that’s probably why you got sick.”

“That can’t be it-“

Will also peacefully sleep through the sickness and be a good patient, like he’s no a complainer at all and he’s actually super sweet when he’s sick

Like he’ll give you puppy eyes to come snuggle with him, and you’ll think he’s being all sweet but really he’s stealing your warmth-

Sanemi Shinaguzawa

Just drug this man, seriously. Give him some sedatives cause he REFUSES to be sick, you have to constantly yell at him to rest

Like he could be dying and still outside training his ass off and he’s extra pissy since he’s sick so he just screams at everybody until he loses his voice and you have to drag him back to bed

He’s especially angry that he can’t taste anything, like it just irritates him to no end. He groans a whole bunch about how he can’t breathe out of his nose, all his muscles ache, he’s still cold, just EVERYTHING

Like literally just knock him out-

Obanai Iguro

Also doesn’t get sick often at all, he’ll try to push through it when he does get sick but he knows his limit and when it’s time to relax and get better so he can get back to fighting

He’s kind of mad he can’t do anything himself and you have to make him his food and bring him everything cause he can’t get out of bed

But he won’t take it out on you, sure he might complain a bit but he won’t be super pissed or anything

Really likes cuddles when he’s sick, one of the only times he’ll let you be the big spoon cause he’s too tired to argue and honestly it feels kinda nice for a change

Gyomei Himejima

SWEETEST PATIENT

Definitely cries cause he feels like absolute shit, and it makes you feel even worse about him getting sick so you wait on him hand and foot, but then he feels bad you’re running around doing everything for him-

I’m sorry I don’t know a lot about him that’s all I got-

Kyojuro Rengoku

First of all, he is SO UPSET HE CANT TASTE FOOD. Like he’ll be eating the ramen you made him and just let out a sad “Tasty…”

For once he’s not overly energetic, like his eyes are a bit duller and he can’t keep up his permanent smile cause dude is exhausted and doesn’t feel good

He still sticks to a schedule despite needing more rest, like he’ll still wake up at the crack of dawn and go downstairs and drink his morning tea outside on the porch and you have to drag him back to bed because he needs to SLEEP

Mitsuri Kanroji

Cries when she’s sick, %100

Like she just feels miserable and just wants hugs and kisses to make her feel better. Maybe not on the mouth cause she doesn’t want to get you sick but she really wants some forehead kisses

Will want to have her head in your lap at all times, and she groans and cries when you have to get up

But like, give her some food and she’ll feel a lot better and isn’t so miserable. Food cures everything-

#demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #kny #the hashira #tengen uzui x reader #giyu tomioka x reader #giyuu tomioka x reader #shinobu kocho x reader #muichiro tokito x reader #sanemi shinaguzawa x reader #iguro obanai x reader #gyomei himejima x reader #kyojuro rengoku x reader #mitsuri kanroji x reader

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mamaestapa · 3 months

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Loved the blurb on Ethan and rutger taking care of you when you’re sick <3 any chance we could get one for reader taking care of sick Ethan and/or rut?

ethan and rutger would be the biggest babies when they’re sick. they’d act like they’re dying of the plague when really they just have the flu.

the flu was going around the whole hockey team. luca had it first, then mark, then both dylan and tj came down with it, so it was only a matter of time before the rest of the team got it too. unfortunately, ethan and rutger were the next victims of the umich hockey flu.

you were laying on rutgers bed, running your fingers through the poor boys hair as he shivered from the fever and chills taking over his body. as you comforted rutger and lulled him into a much needed sleep, you laid against ethan. ethan had his his chest pressed against your back with his face tucked into the crook of your neck. you could feel the heat radiating off of his body as he began to shiver just like rutger. you knew he was starting to run a fever too. you took your free hand and brought it up to ethan’s hair, running your fingers through his hair the same way you were with rutgers. both boys eventually fell asleep, which you figured would help them feel better.

you were wrong.

they woke up about an hour later feeling worse than they did before falling asleep. rutgers fever had gone up and his body ached. ethan’s head hurt and he was shivering like crazy. you hated seeing your boys sick and in pain like that, so you did anything you possibly could to make them feel better.

you made sure they were drinking plenty of fluids, staying on top of their tylenol and motrin, and giving them as many cuddles as they needed. the first day was the worst, both boys were so miserable all they wanted to do was just hold you like a koala and sleep. so that’s what they did, even though ethan was worried sick about getting you sick too.

“we’ll get you sick baby”

“i don’t care. if it makes you guys feel better then i’m more than happy to do it”

“i don’t know what we’d do without ya, cutie”

the boys loved having you take care of them, so after the first couple days, rutger and ethan started milking it a bit.

rutger would whine about his “tummy hurting” because he wanted soup…

“y/nnn my tummy hurts. i want soup”

“your tummy hurts? you sound like a child rut”

“pleaseee?”

ethan would constantly complain about how miserable he was and that he was dying…

“baby i think im dying. i can’t breathe.”

“your nose is just stuffed eddy, you’ll be fine”

“no i won’t. i’m fucking miserable, this is what death feels like.”

they’d both whine like children whenever you got up from bed or the couch to either leave or grab something for one of them.

“noooo come back, you’re warm”

“i’m getting you gatorade.”

“ethan and i don’t need it, we need you more”

you spend the rest of their recovery listening to then whine and complain about their symptoms (that were long gone by now). as much as you found them being dramatic very amusing, you didn’t mind how cuddly they were. having ethan and either wrapped around you at all times felt like heaven.

so while they’re the biggest babies when they’re sick, taking care of ethan and rutger isn’t so bad

#asks #digital animal asks #digital animal au #ethan e asks #rutger m asks

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neuroticboyfriend · 10 months

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i really appreciate your positivity post about those of us who can't wear masks outside in the heat. i don't know if i have anything diagnosable but i'm definitely disabled nonetheless in such a way that i can't stand outside very long without getting extremely tired/dizzy/sick/miserable/etc. and i feel like i'm very prone to heat stroke due to how physically weak i am by default, especially since my climate is so fucking hot & humid and probably one of the worst such places in the whole country (i'd imagine at least?). it certainly doesn't help that the masks we have that aren't the classic N95s are all... black and absorb the sunlight lol. i know a lot of karens complain that they can't breathe when they have to go shopping for 20 minutes that way and it's pathetic to us but i legitimately feel trapped, panicked, and overheated when i can't breathe freely. it's overwhelming for sure!

yw!! I've been being kinder to myself about it and I still have some anxiety over it, but I wanted to share cuz like. we're the last people who should be beating ourselves up. we cant control that our bodies dont do well in heat, and we shouldnt be risking immediate serious illness or death. and we shouldnt feel ashamed because some comparatively abled people whined and are still whining about masks.

so yeah. i hope you're able to stay cool and safe this summer ♡ and its comforting to know im not alone

#asks #anon #yaybox #covid #heat illness #covid masks

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0-cal-princess · 10 months

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I think my friend is cutting me off cuz she found out about my eating this order so I'm gonna complain and moan about it 🍓

So basically you wanna cut me off after nearly 4 years of friendship because I got a little too silly and developed an ed??? Even after everything we been thru together??? Girl what the fuck. I never fucking judged you for the dumb ass shit you do even when I knew you were 100% in the wrong. You have no fucking right getting on your high horse calling me sick, saying I need help and that I'm doing something wrong when you partake in equally self-destructive behaviors, what the fuck??? I literally was there for you when your life was falling apart (which was 100% preventable if you just stayed put and did things the right way like i fucking told you but oh well), drying your tears and holding your hand because i love you and i care for you no matter what you did so it really fucking hurts me to see you ghosting and avoiding, and treating me all dry. I understand it was my fault for being honest and transparent with you about my issues but you're literally my best friend??? Like i've never opened up to anyone like I have with you, that's why i felt comfortable telling you about my bulim1a. i never expected you to react the way you're reacting and it honestly really fucking hurts my feelings. Ik you're going thru a lot but if you dont like me anymore you can just use your big girl voice and fucking say it to my face instead of ghosting me and treating me badly. we are fucking adults so why dont you act like one???? I never fucking offended you, or body shamed you, or said anything about your weight so why are you telling ME im losing too fast and obsessing over it??? you could have just kept your mouth shut and let it go like I do every time you talk to me about some dumb ass shit you do. anyways your fucking loss i guess, thanks for being my friend and im sorry we broke it off this way i hope nothing but the best for you and i really hope you work on your issues, i will strive to do the same

my friend confronted me about my ed and then ghosted me after telling her it wasn't that deep. I feel like a fool for spamming her phone trying to get a response out of her. ig i'll wait another day then i will text her the classic "did i do something wrong :(" typa shit. i just wanted to vent cuz i cant get it out of my head. it bothers me so fucking much like sis what the fuck since when are you the moral authority??? but anyways

I broke my purge-free streak yesterday and it wasn't fun. I couldn't even purge it all cuz it got to the point where i gave myself a horrible headache so i just let it be. I think i will go over my cal limit today as well so yay aint it fun?? I feel like somebody beat the shit out of me, i still have a pounding headache, my chest feels like somebody punched the shit out of it, i have no energy and my throat is fucked. Im also very dumb so i weighed myself and got spooked so I took some laxs as if my life is not miserable enough yaay for me. Never purging again in my fucking life (that's a lie). anyways thanks if you read it all, stay skinny ladies <3

#ed not sheeren #3ating d1sorder #ed bllog #proan #tw ana fast #tw ana shit #ed disorder #ana trigger #tw ed rant #⭐️ve

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coiled-dragon · 10 months

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Whiny vent time

I hate being sick I really do. Not JUST because its disabling but also because I just... exist as Whiny. I just wanna complain. I feel useless. Time is wasted. I wanna DO things and I just cant because im too tired or have worse brain fog or I just literally cannot function. I feel like an annoyance because all I wanna talk about is how I feel unwell, even when its not that severe of an ailment.

I feel pathetic and miserable and like im bad to be around. UGH

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ace-headcanons · 1 year

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SICK DAZAI <33333

-When Dazai is sick, he complains so much more than usual, he whines and moans for Chuuya. He's v unbearable when sick.

-Chuuya will normally tell Dazai that he will kill him in the most horrible painful way possible, but if Dazai coughs or sneezes, Chuuya runs straight to him with a blanket, tea, medicine and a thermometer.

-Dazai once tried to follow Chuuya to work because he got so lonely. He got lost and some old lady phoned Chuuya at work because she found Dazai in his slippers and pj's crying in a bus shelter.

-Dazai refuses to eat when he's sick so Chuuya will take a day off sometimes and feed Dazai home-made chicken noodle soup.

-Chuuya refuses to sleep in the same bed as a sick Dazai so when he's about to go sleep on the sofa, Dazai grabs his sleeve and looks at him with puppy-dog eyes, pleading him to stay in his quiet innocent, whiny sick voice. Chuuya always gives in but tries not to let Dazai touch him, failing miserably because he can't resist Dazai's cuddles when he's so weak and quiet.

-Dazai likes being taken care of by Chuuya but he feels guilty about "taking advantage of him" even though Chuuya tells him not to.

-Stuffed animals are a must have in the Soukoku household when one of them is sick. Chuuya always warms them up for Dazai on the radiator.

-When Dazai is sick, he is whiny and tired.

Im doing Chuuya next loves!

#soukouku #skk #headcanon

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misspickman · 10 months

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curious about all of them but ESPECIALLY theory: existence is a mirror 👀

oh ive been wrestling with this one for a while and probably will continue to, its a tim's mental issues fic bc ive seen a lot of stuff about him being depressed/passively or actively suicidal but none of it really sat right with me so im trying to figure out how i think this would manifest with the character, but its tim and hes difficult. much to think about. so unfortunately this wip is a mess and im not working on it actively bc its so hard to get the vibes right and its frustrating. anyway heres a bit

“Don't you have anything better to do,” Leslie asks—complains—as she digs out a bullet out of his shoulder on a beautiful Friday night, “than run around clobbering people all night?”

“Crime doesn't sleep.”

“No, but you should. And you are not the only one for this job, are you?” she points out. Rightfully. Tim still feels unnecessarily defensive and just barely stops himself from trying to prove to her how needed he is out there, actually. “You're too young for this to be the only thing you do.”

That takes him aback. This is the sort of conversation that Leslie usually unleashes on Bruce. It feels… painfully unearned to be getting it in his place.

He doesn't want to be a part of this discussion. He'll leave that to Bruce, Leslie and Alfred to ponder over, and he can go back to his work as soon as Leslie's done wrapping up his shoulder. The only reason he's here and not doing it in front of his bathroom mirror anyway is because Helena decided to play protective and basically dumped him in front of Leslie's door, and would not let him leave even if he tried.

It's really not that serious. It's just a shoulder.

“With all due respect, Leslie—”

“Tim,” she cuts him off, taking none of it, “with all due respect, you are twenty one and sitting in my clinic with a bullet wound on a Friday night. And I know you're out there every night. Do you even socialize?”

Tim bristles. It's embarrassing, and makes him feel just as young as she's treating him. “That's none of your business.”

It doesn't feel good, being rude to Leslie, but it's an instinctive reaction. Tim is well sick and tired of people trying to tell him how to live his life.

He thinks back on his last attempt to talk to a person his age who isn't involved in any of his vigilante life. He even likes Buzz, he wouldn't mind reconnecting with him, which is what he assumes the sudden invitation was about, but there's nothing like a miserable social interaction where you can't think of a single non-incriminating thing to say to drive home just how unadjusted you are to having a civilian life.

It had been easier before, back when he had dad and Dana to keep happy with lies, and was basically forced to keep a normal life. Scratch that, it wasn't easier; he agonized over keeping secrets every waking second, he kept two messy lives and never seemed to make enough time for either of them, but it did mean he had some semblance of a normal life. He hadn't thought of it that way back then, but he can see it now. There's none of that left.

Now, he has more than enough time to dedicate himself to being Red Robin instead of Tim Drake. He thinks he's been doing a pretty good job of it—except, nobody else seems to share his opinion.

“You'll run yourself ragged until there's nothing left but the cowl,” she says, and Tim has an inkling that this is far from the first time she's said those words.

(title from this poem bc u know. vibes)

#if i ever do post it its probably gonna be in chapters i already have an outline for all of them #and many like. smaller bits written #but im trying to not be very on the nose about it and its turning out so hard. alas #thank you<3 #ask

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cimamongirl · 1 month

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I don't know what's going on. I was a kid who knew her ways with words, but I'm now an adult who can't even write basic paragraphs. I'm having a hard time expressing myself with words; it feels like my vocabulary has shrunk as small as the holes needles have. I want to be able to express myself the way I want to, which is why I'll be going to write every day from now on.

Well, today is Monday, which means I have class. However, I woke up not feeling motivated. I was overwhelmed and was overthinking because of the exam results. I woke up early, but overthinking got me. I could not stop my thoughts from flowing; I could physically feel my brain being full, and it was so frustrating. In the end, I was left without enough time to prepare for school. It's always like this recently. I don't have any motivation to do any work. I think too much that I don't get any work done. I know that there are consequences to my actions, and I'll probably suffer from them eventually, but I just don't know what to do. I feel tired every time. I think too much that I don't get any work done. I just want to lay in bed to sleep, to stare at my ceiling, and to just live or just die. Not die in a "sad girl" way though, I just want to disappear. I mean, if I can't live happily and satisfied, if im always gonna be like this, it's better to jus be gone, right? I don't know, I just don't feel like myself anymore. I feel so lonely, but I get uncomfortable when I'm with people. I want to tell my family that I don't want to be alone, it's just that they didn't give me any choice but to be alone. I always cry myself to sleep because of loneliness.

People would always tell me how lucky I was to live by myself. But what they don't know is how miserable it is to live by yourself. No one will take care of you when you get sick. I could go days without talking because who will I be having a conversation with? No one, right? At such a young age, almost all of the things that I know as an adult were all self-taught. I was alone, and it was unbearable emotionally and mentally. I know there's something wrong with me. I'm not okay, but I don't have a choice, do I? I can't complain because, of course, there's always someone having it rougher than me. Why are problems a competition? Can't I just suffer without being compared to whoever the fuck is having it hard too?

I've been guilty my whole life for acting like my problems. I've been guilt-tripped to the point that I don't even know how to handle my emotions properly because I do not know if they're valid or not. Why can't children be sad? Why can't we have problems? Is it illegal to feel emotions because I still feed myself using my parents's money? But maybe they're right; I don't even know what's wrong with me. I always say that I have it miserable, but when asked, I don't even have specific answers. Even at times, I ask myself, What the fuck is my problem? Why am I always crying? Why do I feel sad every time? I really want to know what's going on with me. Are my traumas valid, or am I just dramatic and want people to sympathize with me? What the fuck!!! I do want people to sympathize. Am I just an attention-seeker? Well, having to grow up being the least favorite child, it's valid to want attention, right?

The reason that I've been doubting myself lately and feeling guilty about having this root-deep anger and hatred toward people is because of how my mother has treated me recently. I always remember my mother being sadistic but still loving in a way. However, I always felt left out, or maybe it's just me? I always felt like she loved my sister more, my half-sister. My mother had her before marrying my father. I feel like they have this bond that I can't just be with. She would play fight with my sister while I'm at their side, wishing that she would also do that with me. I remember when we were still at our old house, it was raining heavily. For context, we have our main house and our small store. My mother and father, together with our newly born brother, sleep at the store, while me and my sister sleep at our main house. It was raining heavily, and I was scared of the thunder and the lightning. And when I said scared, I was TERRIFIED. I was shaking, and I'm really nervous. I could just die. I tried waking up my sister to seek comfort, but she did not wake up. I was so desperate that I gathered all the strength that I have left to go to our store to hopefully sleep with my mother, as she's the person I'm going to feel the safest with. However, after I got there and woke my mother up, she got up irritated and told me to sleep with my father, and then she brought my brother with him to go sleep with my sister in the main house. This memory still haunts me and I feel sick every time. This is just one of the many "unacceptable" things she's done and be ready for more. So much for the context, my mother now loves me. I mean, after my sister stopped wanting to be babied by her anymore, she got more "affectionate" with me, and I can't put up with it anymore. I feel like I don't have the right to be angry and sad anymore because she's over it. She's always like this, after giving you a soul-crushing, gut-wrenching, and sh-worthy sermon, she'll just go and act like she's the most loving and kind mother in the whole world. I kind of feel bad writing this because, as angry and insensitive she is, she's the most hardworking woman I've ever met. I just wish she'd be more emotionally intelligent when handling her children. I'm wondering if she knows that she raised three mentally ill children.

I started this note with something like, I can't write whatever, but would you believe this girl??? She can't even stop writing now. I don't know; it feels so good to have to write your own thoughts rather than drowning in them. My brain feels light, and I'm slightly smiling right now. I'm kidding; my brain doesn't feel light, but it got better. I still feel like I have so much more to say, but that's all for today. Goodnight, and I wish myself well.

#traumadumpingbecauseihavenofriends #im just a girl #losing my mind #im dying

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