#im not getting the support i need bc the ppl there suck at communicating and im too tired to keep begging
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when i love someone i WANT to learn abt their past traumas, their insecurities nd pain so that i can learn how to love them right. i want to understand how i should treat, reassure and comfort them. i want to learn their love languages so i can love them the way they need
#but why.... does no one ever want to do that for me?#i always have to bend and reshape so im as little bothersome as possible#and ppl always say stuff like omg u need to communicate nd u need to tell them blah blah blah#ok but what abt when u actually do all of that but no one listens to u????#i actually do communicate my needs. very clearly#yet... im never heard or listened to#am i just not worth that??? idk.. i dont get it#i just ache to be loved the way i love. bc i know that i love wholly and profoundly#but im gonna run out if i cant receive the love that i need#:((((#also it just hurts to be so understanding and supportive and want ppl to be comfortable#but then i dont get to take up any space or i dont get to have needs#i should only listen but never ask for anything in return#it just sucks#have i done smth wrong??? or am i just an awful person? delusional?#bc i have NEVER been in a space where im safe to express my feelings#not w my family. not friends. not even my therapists lmao (theyve also criticized nd judged me)#so im starting to think that maybe i actually am wrong#maybe if everywhrre i go im met by this. maybe i just need to suck it up#and be grateful for whatever scraps of love im thrown#bc clearly i am doing smth wrong!!!!!!
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i am straight up not having a good time right now (being alive)
#december gets harder and harder every year#my life stagnated#im not getting the support i need bc the ppl there suck at communicating and im too tired to keep begging#lost interest in my hobbies#do hardly nothing every day and feel terrible that im not doing anything#tired agitated sad mad empty frustrated etc.#dreading the holidays#like what do i have to look forweard to any more lmaoooooooooooooo#dw im not gonna do anything to myself i just have to complain bc its tearing me apart inside
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Disventure Camp Headcanons Part 1
AIDEN
Half Argentinian Half French Canadian
Had a huge TOP phase in middle school
Only child
Super good singer but hates hearing his voice
ALEC
Afro-Turkish and Japanese
Diagnosed w Autism when he was a child
Smokes
Started drinking shortly after he got married; relapsed after his separation w his ex
Has an older sister by 7 years
ALLY
Transgirl; came out to her grandfather and he was the only supporter she had
Definitely had obsessive love disorder when meeting Hunter the first time
Super fucking bad at dancing
Likes K-pop (Fromis_9, Stray Kids, Billlie, P1harmony, Enhypen, Stayc, aespa, ITZY)
ASHLEY
Country music defender
will actually die on the Country Music hill
like she's from Texas but she's FROM TEXAS ykwim
Transgirl; realized she was a girl at a young age and transitioned w a supporting family
Would probably roll her eyes at u if u assume she loved AppleJack when she was younger
I mean, she did
but not as much as ppl assume
CONNOR
Jewish
Despite having a booming business, he still doesn't understand technology
but he WAS a boss at programming his MySpace page
"programming is my passion" college dude
Nickelback liker
I'm so sorry
DAN
He and his sister shared a bedroom until she moved out
Actually convinced her to come back home bc he missed her
like
crying on his knees
"PLEASE COME HOME IT'S SO MISERABLE WITHOUT U THERE I MISS U"
blasting a radio to her favorite songs
did i mention he loves his sister
Pokemon kid
Oh, he's also autistic
DEREK
Half Filipino and half Columbian
Transguy; was an unhappy "girl" growing up and would refuse to listen to anyone who didn't call "her" by Derek
Facebook user
only to troll, tho
He tried trolling on Twitter too but Trevor had to pry the phone out of his hands
Secretly likes Trevor
and by secretly I mean he angry-cried while writing drafted emails of his confession
Barely cries or anything like that, emotionally, but angry-crying is his #1 basically
Is not a registered gun owner
DREW
Other than the notebook, he has a communication device
Adopted
Video games hurt his eyes
so do mobile games
Honestly i think he just needs glasses
likes dogs :)
ELLIE
Half Irish and Half Singaporean
Transgirl; came out in her last year of junior high
Middle child w two sisters
While struggling w her identity, she was a Pick Me girl to fit in #sad!
she ended up giving up on fitting in #gogirl
Malay's her first language
Mom passed when she was little
tolerates cats
FIORE
3/4th Italian 1/4th Chinese
hates horror movies
not bc she's scared of them or anything
she just thinks they suck
forced into a ton of shit to become normal
girlscouts, ballet, soccer, etc
she hated everything
but she can make a good cookie deal
GABBY
Has an unhealthy obsession w watching drag shows
she doesn't understand any of the lingo
she just thinks the outfits r pretty
LPS kid
also watches too much animal documentaries
will actually sit down and say "im bored, time to watch a 6 hour doc on cheetahs"
she just cray cray like that #loveher
unhealthy addiction to stickers
GRETT
Transgirl #slay
was a Toddlers & Tiaras kid
passenger princess
forces Yul to drive her places
they have almost broken up 5 times bc of this
she also genuinely forgot to tell him she was #trans
u should've seen the look on his face
when
..
yeah
#hedidnotcare
that's ooc but idc
she's bi :3
HUNTER
Half Chinese Half White
Dad left after his youngest sister was born
Lived in China until he was 8
He has autism
Christian btw
like pslam bunch-of-numbers in his bio
can quickly change languages like that
will talk to u in english then will answer his phone in cantonese
texts like a millennial
:/ sorry
smokes
the killers, staind, blink-182, and r.e.m fan
plays the guitar
JAKE
Half Korean Half Japanese
cannot speak those languages fluently, tho
sorry
he and his brother wrestled a lot
his brother would always win
anyways he was a theater kid
but quit bc of some drama
haha. get it ?
one of those gays who cries to mitski & ricky montgomery
but only listens to them when he needs to cry
which is often
JAMES
has been in cringe compilations before
imagine if i just ended this w just that hc
would that be funny
anyways
one of those middle schoolers who was violently supportive of the lgbtq+
like everyone knew he liked boys
except him
loves his younger sister
like a lot
they r bffies
will call her in the middle of the night randomly
"i just posted a new tiktok, go like it."
JENSEN
genuinely have nothing for him
like
can i just say he's dreamed of men shirtless before and end it at that
um so yeah
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ALL TUMBLR PPL PLEASE REPOST THIS ANYWHERE U CAN! THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE PROTESTS ABT THIS BC IT'S PRIDE! This can't go on for any longer. TW: p0l1c3, h0m0ph0b14, tr4nsph0b14
youtube
Qween Jean, a Black and Trans community leader was arrested at a PEACEFUL march for Trans Liberation on May 31st, 2023. AS SOON AS THEY GOT THERE there was lots of police and they arrested Qween Jean.
I'm not sure if she's out yet as I can't find info on tht. On instagram it says to bail support at 7th precinct 191/2 Pitt St, New York, NY, 10002
This can't keep happening, there needs to be nationwide peaceful protests abt this!! Demonstrations need to be everywhere!!!! IT HAS BEEN 53 YEARS SINCE THE FIRST PRIDE PROTEST! I say protest bc PRIDE STARTED AS A PROTEST! It can ONLY be a parade when we truly get our rights. We can't celebrate until we see our victory. Like, our victory is in the bag bc good ALWAYS wins but we need to take ACTION!
ALSO, ANOTHER THING! NOTE HOW WHEN THE NYPD GOT KICKED OUTTA PRIDE, THEY STARTED ARRESTING AND STUFF! If they actually cared they would let this go on. They would actually do smth and hold their own protests for police brutality and etc to stop. Ik there are good police out there who are actually helping out the communities but lets be honest, the system is screwed up. There is far too much corruption. You KNOW it's bad when even little kids are scared of the police! No, not bc they may look intimidating. But because they are literally scared for their life. Same thing with guns. I was walking home from the bus stop when I was in like 6th or 7th (i forgot) and I thought I saw a gun in someone's car tht was parked in front of me and I was scared to the bone. Thankfully it wasn't a gun, it was smth else.
Anyways I'm getting kinda off topic. But yk what I mean right? (if u got any questions, do ask, my dm's and comments are always open! ^w^)
I'm just so sick tht the stuff tht should be in HISTORY BOOKS is happening right in front of my eyes. Like there have been sm protests and stuff against this for FAR, FAR longer than I have been alive!!! (Ik im only 16 but still this is a srs outrage)
It srsly sucks that this is the world I gotta grow up in.
SO THAT'S WHY WE GOTTA CHANGE IT!
Any action u do can help the world change fod the better. Never miss an opportunity to do good! (big or "small")
SOOO! If u can, go to a local protest! Try to put ur community first, yk? Also, reblog this post and spread awareness about these kinda issues. I'd love to go to a protest buttt I do not have supportive parents and I don't have a car. ALSO, remember tht every act of kindness counts. And dont just keep it to ur friends. Support good local businesses, give compliments to everyone u meet, cheer ppl up, listen to others, donate to GOOD, TRUSTWORTHY charities, do NOT give canned food to food banks bc they need actual food, so give them money, and give homeless ppl money too yk? Ppl are like "WHAT IF THEY SPEND IT ON DRUGS AND STUFF?" Well ofc yea tht's a possibility but who says they won't spend it on what they need? Yk? Basically be a good person, support queer ppl and poc ppl, etc. The world needs sm more kindness. People say "HAH friendship, love, and kindness is such a simple concept tht's not needed". The fact tht it's simple says everything. If we had more of tht, all these issues would cease to exist.
Also, another thing:
PROTEST SAFETY RULES!!
Take water and stay hydrated! If someone doesn't have water and u have some to spare, waterfall it.
Keep face masks and switch your phone to airplane mode. This is a surveillance country. They know how to find you. And if u take pics, make sure tht ur location is extremely hard to pinpoint.
If a police officer arrests u, know ur miranda rights and STAY SILENT AND BE CALM! They will use what they can to take it against u. You have to think a stairway ahead of them. They can't say anything if u don't say anything! And justice will be served so dw, God's with you. Also, yes u can say ur manners like thank you and excuse me.
Again, please repost this everywhere u can.
Remember,God loves u ALL, no ifs ands or buts. ACAB and love is love. Trans rights are HUMAN RIGHTS!!!!!
You matter and the right to speak and protest is a human right. This is our world and we have the power to change it!
(also please tell me if I got anything wrong in this post)
#acab#pride parade#lgbt pride#poc alt#queer poc#people of color#queer tumblr#queer community#mogai#very important#please reblog#rawring 20s#scene revival#scenecore#scene kid#scene#rawr means i love you in dinosaur#rawring twenties#all cops are bastards#this is america#america#the usa#the right to speak#protests#current events#injustice#safety#protest#take action#activism
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this is actually a rant bc tumblr is now reccomending me stuff from the landfill of the internet & i read it bc im a dumb bitch but like
terf rhetoric is literally so funny esp when they collab w/ cis gay edgelords on the internet making shit up about the scary trans mascs (including binary trans men) trying to rape gay men by deviously tricking them into having sex with a ✨ straight woman ✨
but reality (when you like, actually interact with people in real life & are part of yk, irl communities) looks more like:
straight trans mascs existing
t4t trans mascs fucking other trans mascs being the vast majority (counting myself among their number)
not to mention the absolute adoration every trans masc i know irl has for trans women & trans femmes
trans mascs being extremely cautious with cis gay men for obvious reasons
trans mascs on grindr very clearly declaring this on their account & still getting bombarded by chasers, bi men, & yes gay men too lol
tons of bi and pansexual trans people?? these ppl wanna call me a straight woman but then explain how i'm buried in both cock and pussy of all genders?? explain!!
my cis gay friends reading the nasty smut i write to help me nail all the dick on dick details i need (fun fact if you gotta improvise lube shampoo will make all your dick skin peel off <3 my bud apparently learned this the hard way lmao)
meeting my singular gay coworker for the first time and hitting up one of the local gay kink bars & comparing grindr profiles lol he is lovely
listen phallo is amazing and sexy but like not very common for obvious reasons (major surgery and healthcare is a fucking farce and etc etc)... how exactly are these mythical cis gays getting raped by deception?? did they come in eyes squeezed shut and fuck some trans mascs ass then afterwards get jumpscared by pussy?? or did they have to talk to someone they weren't attracted to for a minute or something lol...
Yes, all the men messaging me on grindr are definitely straight or pretending to be bi that's why they keep sending me videos of them sucking cock lol that tracks (like yeah I get chasers but I'm not fucking stupid it's easy to tell them apart)
"trans men are delusional thinking gay men will be attracted to them" actually we've all seen countless examples of the disgusting ways cis gay men treat women's bodies so we are very aware that that reaction is both probably & that the possibility of cis male violence is present like bruh
Also personal pet peeve is when they go on defending how gay men act disgusted by pussy & other afab body parts like yeah. You don't have to be attracted to it oooobviously, but having VISCERAL DISGUST AND HATRED towards the bodies of half the planet's population is actually not part of your sexual orientation it's still mysogyny <3
& it's ridiculous to lean into that ANYWAY because the huge majority of cis gay men i've met have been wonderful & many have been my closest friends in different periods of my life like pleaaaaase stop making them look bad it's slander at this point
anyway trans men i love you trans women i love you & we all deserve to find supportive community & love bc most people out there aren't fringe edgelords who can only generate dopamine by being cruel on the internet
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not anything too serious,
my symptoms always get worse with stress, and when i’m about to go somewhere and have even the slightest symptom i get stressed about it happening while i’m out which then makes it worse, cycle repeats. recently this has led me to leave/cancel plans suddenly because i feel terrible and i panic about feeling awful while out and i’m worried my friends are starting to to resent me or that they will in the future
i never know if i should add in to these or if ppl just like talking into void but i thought id give u an affirmation n say i do think is p srs n that its the reality of chronic illness
stress is the #1 factor for all digestive disorders n most other chronic illness n stressing abt having a flare up at the wrong time is a part of chronic illness n it rlly sux bc it is like a self fulfilling prophecy n ppl do see it as a moral failing on the chronically ill persons behalf bc “well why do u have to be anxious abt it itll be fine” like its some sort of switch u can just turn off n on in ur mind
also ppl r a communal species n its nice having a support group n when ur going thru chronic stress n that chronic stress makes u sick n u develop a chronic illness if ur ppl start to leave u that can makes things worse bc now ur left to deal w all that stress on ur own which compounds the problem
but just bc ur worried abt ur support system leaving doesnt mean they will some ppl can be supportive n understanding
it can rlly suck to cancel plans bc it feels like the chronic illness is robbing u of ur life n enjoyment but just bc ur having a bad moment or bad episode doesnt mean thinks will be bad forever
one thing u can do is let ur friends know u appreciate them supporting u n being understanding of what ur going thru another thing u can do it make new plans if i have to cancel smth w friends sometimes we just change what we were gonna do if im feeling too bad to go out n am worried abt needing a bathroom randomly i usually invite them over to my place n we just chill in to make it up to them if they have a movie or show theyve been wanting me to watch ill watch it w them then lol but u might find ur friends r rlly supportive n thatll be less stress for u
it also helps making friends who also deal w similar issues i have a coworker friend who has lactose intolerance n ibs one friend also has gerd n one doesnt have a diagnosed stomach disorder but he has an anxiety disorder n his digestive system definitely is effected but we can all vent to each other n understand if someone needs to cancel or change plans or needs accommodations etc etc
thnx for ur ask btw i rambled a lot hahaha but u brought up important stuff abt chronic illness imho
#anonymous#digestive disorders#chronic illness#stomach problems#irritable bowel syndrome#gastroesophageal reflux disease#food intolerance#food allergies#irritable bowel disease#stomach ulcer#crohn's disease#gastroparesis#dysphagia#delayed stomach emptying#pancreatitis#gallstones
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Can we talk about how much of a shit show game mods are now??? There's 25000 different websites that host mods! Nexus, discord, patreon, tumblr, etc there's too many. They need to be consolidated because it's too much to have to sign up for so many different things just to mod a game!
argghh I HATE when ppl bury their mods in discord servers like… i dont wanna join your group chat just to download stuff 😭 cmon
not to mention the rampant monetization of mods these days. it’s rly getting out of hand. i understand early access mods within reason & i agree that modders SHOULD be compensated for their time where they can but there’s stuff in the sims community for example that never sees the light of day, despite saying it will go public at… some point. and it’s just greedy tbfh. im way more likely to support mod authors who ask for very little than mod authors who automatically lock all of their downloads behind a paywall.
i think the valheim modding community is by far the worst i’ve been a part of tho. i dont wanna namedrop but some of the people in the valheim modding scene suck severely & they even go a step further by installing what is essentially spyware onto your computer so they can pock access to their mods based on who paid for a “key” to use it, plus they badmouth other mod creators for no reason other than vanity. which is a shame bc valheim is really fun and the mods for it are rlly cool! unfortunately the people who make them are pissy snobs </3 and if you dare disagree with them and their sketchy methods they throw a massive fit and call you entitled lmao
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vegans have to remember that from a non vegans perspective, we are a mariad of different definitions most of which are negative. and that within those definitions, is us being people who want to take away something that is part of their life
I think thats why ive gravitated more towards focusing on the non vegan aspect of veganism than the full on Earthling Ed approach. As in focusing on tradition, religion, and the possible and practical part instead of just trying to switch to more plant based eating.
Because its easy to spit the facts and provide resources and find alternatives, but i feel theres no active support and conversation for people who "cant go vegan". there is, but its nothing concrete and big. just individual conversations
Like someone who has a religion who requires the killing or use of an animal, or a tradition or a culture.
I just feel like these people are alienated, even though they are talked about in reference AND there are vegans who fall under that category of course. but because white/cis/straight/rich/abled types of ppl tend to get more focus, it drowns out everyone else out and even though i KNOW veganism is diverse sometimes it doesn't feel like it. then again, im only on tumblr
but i also feel the alienation can come from the non vegan too, with no willingness to have a conversation and figure these things out. but its also understandable like i said in the first paragraph.
obviously if the talk was with me, id have someone tell me their situation and it would be more about them talking and me listening, since i wouldnt be in the same identity as them and therefore cant have that "same hat" convo people have within their own community
- but also there NEEDS to be a place or network of different marginalized identities so that non vegans can talk with vegans of their same culture/religion/etc.
and i mean im just on tumblr so im limited in what i see. so maybe this exists?
idk how to explain this properly. i just never see anyone double down on these, and focus on people who's best includes animal products, like i do (not saying im better for doing that, i just feel odd one out)
i feel that the more symapthy and understanding for those situations would help drive out the people who claim to be vegan but arent. to get rid of people who try and say veganism is 100% plant based, who shit on others and are racist with their veganism.
to really drive in the importance of "possible and practical" and checking in with yourself and being honest with yourself.
idk there just needs to be...MORE.
i feel there is an emotional/mental/spiritual aspect not talked about enough.
i was watching Earthling Ed and this one guy said that the only options on campus were tofu and it was gross. now with the rest of the video, this guy probably doesnt try hard to find other options.
But i sympathize. But Ed said that theres always options and basically said that he could choose the tofu
But im thinking, what if the only option was mushrooms. I either eat that or dont eat. Now i wouldn't eat animal products, but mushrooms make me gag. I would dread looking forward to eating. it would ruin my day. it would drain me, and thus it wouldnt be practical for me to keep trying to eat it bc of them varying affects it has on my health (mentally or emotionally)
which may seem extreme, but you wouldnt get to say that someone in that situation can just suck it up. there has to at LEAST be sympathy and understanding.
now for someone else if they chose chicken instead, is it worth the life of a chicken? No, but it also shouldnt be at the expense of your wellbeing. This is why we tell people who have ED's who cant eat plant based, to focus on their wellbeing. because its all goes off of situation by situation. Its not about "the life of a chicken for aomeone who has an ED" its about doing your best within the situation you have, and to focus on doing what is necessary for you, and try and avoid unnecessary harm.
And if youve exhausted all other options then i dont think anyone can blame you. Because who is anyone to say that its possible for you to eat the tofu? Whos to say its possible for you to do something you say you cant do? We have to trust people with what they say and work with them, even if they are lying.
Thats why there needs to be symapthy and encouragement of self reflection. And to do that often. check in with yourself every month and ask if maybe you can change something that you couldn't before
idk. i just never see ppl focus on this as much as i do and i keep wondering if im like idk. wrong for it?
and to be clear, when i talk about religion or culture im talking about the individual. Because within every religion or culture i assume, there are going to be people who view it differently. Religion and culture can be personalized while also being a community. i mean cultures change and religions change and its usually bc of one person. this is NOT to say we should aim to change an entire culture or religion, just simply stating that just because someone is from a religion or culture doesnt mean they cant..idk the word..go over their views and stance and see if theres room for change. like "do i actually believe this, or would an alternative work?" and sometimes they come to the conclusion that there can be no change, and sometimes they find things they can change. both are fine
So while culture and religion as a whole are not valid reasons to cause unnecessary harm (unnecessary being individually defined. this is about animal use only), individuals within that culture or religion get to decide whether its necessary or not
Because otherwise youre talking about pushing colonialist ideas and genocide, if you are to say that killing an animal isnt necessary for someones spiritual connection to their religion or culture. Or to say that wearing an animal isnt necessary for a ceremony. Because even though a life is taken, and it might not seen necessary to you, why do YOU get to decide for that person?
2 people within the same religion can have 2 different approaches to it, 2 different views. same with culture. i mean thats how religion and culture change over years. how traditions change
I just wish there was a place where ppl could talk about that with others like them, to get out their worries and their frustrations and also help establish even, a stronger connection by finding out what truly is a necessity for them.
which sometimes will be using animals.
and i support that. and i think someone can still be vegan even if they use animals if they deem it undeniably necessary.
idk maybe ill make a discord server. bc this bugs me. no slight at any other vegans, but it bugs me that non vegans have such bad experience with veganism (whether its actual vegans or not), and i feel that connection is needed.
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☢ 𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘈 𝘓𝘖𝘛 𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.
REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!
& DASHBOARD FUN ; mun addition ✧˖*°࿐
● name ; cloves is fine!
● pronouns ; he/him and they/them!! either of those or switching between the two is 👍🏼
● preference of communication ; DMs are ok! i only give out discord to ppl i’ve been rping with for a good while tho 😔 i’m not SUPER talkative but i try to reply to everything as best as i can!
● names of muse(s) ; ayalon!! i also.. have a canon character mutli-muse blog that i haven’t really done anything with.. maybe i’ll finally do something with it
● experience / how long ( months / years? ) ; i’ve been rping since i was 13, but for tumblr rp specifically i started in 2015!! and then took a much needed break from 2017-2019. i’ve always loved rping but the rp community back then was uhhhhh not as supportive of trans ppl or characters. it seems to have gotten better tho
● best experience ; i think anything i’ve done with my friend @carnivorarium // @phantasmaw!! i can’t really pinpoint a specific experience, but plotting and rping with them has been really fun and has really helped me get back into rping as a whole. IDK i was just so nervous when i first came back but she was super cool and nice and our characters hit it off super well!!
this isn’t a tumblr rp experience but back in 2015 me and a friend created this huge fantasy world with all kinds of characters and we had the whole rp plotted out till the very end. i cant remember much of what we established but i remember it being really in-depth and thought out LSJHGKF i was always so excited whenever we both found the time to sit down and toss replies back and forth to each other. but then a few months later the website we rped on didn’t exist anymore and we ended up losing contact. i really wish i could go back and read everything we sent each other but im pretty sure i cant
● RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS ;
i actually have a lot and that’s why im so selective LDJFHK like the tumblr rpc has gotten better, yeah, but there is still so much room for improvement.
1. being needlessly mean/high school bully level pettiness. Like bro there’s certain ppl on this website that do nothing but frequently make these long ass posts complaining abt how their oc(s) are better than everyone else’s, bc everyone else’s aren’t as “thought out, original, interesting, ect enough” and like? i just dont get it. i genuinely do not understand why ppl are so willing to kiss these specific kinds of ppl’s asses. the MOMENT i see any kind of “my oc is better than other ocs and here is a list as to why:” i refuse to interact. be proud of ur characters, but dont act like ur better than everyone else? i’ve also seen someone make a #girlboss post abt how “yeah there’s certain ppl on this website that want to avoid me so i go out of my way to befriend all of THEIR friends so they can never get rid of me :)” yeah ur weird. u are full on weird. u have not matured past 14.
2. any complaining abt mlm and wlw. this includes ‘gay ships are so popular online that m/f just doesnt exist anymore.’/’everyone just wants to have gay ships so i’m going to get back at them by only shipping m/f.’ i dont think i should even have to explain why complaining abt gay ppl finally being able to indulge in fictional gay relationships is a fucked up thing to do and yet ppl still do it. stop having this ‘i have to get back at gay ppl’ mindset.. it’s gross
3. when i say no to a romantic and/or sexual relationship and all interest from the other person is lost. im not hurt when this happens, but it gets so annoying. if i say no to a ship and all interactions are suddenly cut off, it is so obvious to what ur intentions were and i really don’t appreciate it. my characters aren’t shipping fodder for yours. i know it can suck when someone says no to a possible ship, but it’s also so shitty to take that ‘no’ and then deliberately ignore the person just bc they refused u. it’s obvious, and i do notice it.
4. this is a personal preference ig but i dont like the ongoing trend of ‘my trans character was SA’d for being trans’ that is suddenly so.. popular within the tumblr rpc. it really grosses me out and i cant stand seeing it and i dont want mentions of that on my dash at all. it’s a no-no for me.
● MUSE PREFERENCES ; fluff, angst or smut ; all three! tho i’m kinda selective with angst and even more-so with smut. i like to get a feel for someone and their character first before i rp angst, bc there’s been a lot of times i’ll be rping with someone and they would pile angst after angst on top of their character over and over again to the point it just got.. kinda ridiculous. like i love angst but sometimes ppl just get too caught up with making their characters go through the most fucked up shit as much as possible as a plot device. listen i love dragging my characters through the mud too but after awhile it gets repetitive and boring ;;v;;
i love writing smut but given that ayalon rarely feels sexual attraction to other ppl and when he DOES he’s too busy just bullying them so. smut writing here might not be that big of a thing LKJDHFK fluff is a free for all tho!! he wants to knead on everyone like a cat and pull on them like laffy taffy. that’s ayalon being soft.
● ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) ; i think everyone’s got a little piece of themselves in their muses!! it’s hard not to. but damn i WISH i was a giant goth dude with great hair. i guess the biggest thing we have in common is that we’re both pretty stubborn when we have our minds set on something
tagged by: no one in particular LJDKFG i just saw a lot of ppl do it
tagging: do what i did and steal from me. it’s ok to tag me too <3
#( .MEMES. ) 𝔑𝔬 𝔡𝔦𝔯𝔢𝔠𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 𝔟𝔲𝔱 𝔞 𝔣𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔦𝔫 𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔡𝔢𝔠𝔦𝔰𝔦𝔬𝔫 .⊱#yes i AM a bit of a hardass .. go men acai 😔#'we're both stubborn when we have our mind set on something' can u guess my rising sign LKJHDK#time to eat something and then.. back to drafts 💪🏼
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personal - dec 30, 23
i’ve legit stopped reaching out to anyone bc i have to schedule time two weeks or a month in advance
this isn’t to say they’re shit or doing a bad job, like fuck that they’re great friends, it’s not their fault. i just need to make that clear before i proceed for myself _ it’s just capitalism and what it takes from us. if you read this u know who u r, i promise i love u and it’s not about you or anything. i’m just pissed at y’all having to be slaves to working until you die.
but unfortunately with my mental illnesses, my isolation and insecurity has be believing , i truly don’t feel anyone wants to drop things for me anymore, and that sounds so selfish and petty and i suppose it is. but then when i think about how much i want to reach out and just ask for physical support it has to be scheduled. emotional support can only go so far and it’s starting to suck more and more that i’ve literally just stopped looking at my phone bc it makes me so sad that id really love a supportive community to be there for me but it isn’t like i need, and im so selfish for saying that i hate it. i hate that i doubt this delusional shit in my head i just wish my brain could be like,,, chill about something suddenly happening without thinking the world is going to end, what im going to do, how do i reshape my life around this
but then my therapists tell me it’s natural to want that and to be desperate for it when i’m lonely like this, to validate the suffering because it’s real and happening even if it’s to none of my friends’ direct fault,
but then i also don’t have family to lean on.
my reach of contact is one of my therapists and it helps a lil bit it’s just a text and nothing personal like a friend can say or offer, so i ask friends for good vibes, but i feel so crap about myself i think they think im such a nuisance bc i need to much support and that i ask too much of them
i got ghosted this past week asking for physical support after they offered it and i got ghosted - it was a communication error that they didn’t get my text (even though it says delivered) and they were the last friend i though could offer some physical support bc they live closer , even tho it was a miscommunication it still sucks to be waiting around on my phone all day waiting for them to keep their word and didn’t
i’m really glad my therapists are upping my care this coming year, because i’m unfortunately too incapable / disabled to lead a capitalist life. you’d think it would be super cool but when i can’t even get two days in a row to be consistent enough over a decade now but it’s actually fucking not - to live disabled is to live in constant pain and just fucking doubt in myself of ever leading a life that isn’t servitude to my parents or gvnt for money, but that struggle isn’t too different from the average american anyways, disability or not, it’s just shit here.
i can’t believe it’s been a fucking decade and i’m still living day to day mentally and have lost more “friends” in my life than have gained in support and im still crippled by the tiniest infractions in my day.
fucking everything i’m diagnosed with, just fuck them all. i know capitalism sucks, but i don’t think some ppl realize how desperately i wish i could at least get my own job to pay my own life’s way, but i cant. (maybe one day? but a long time from now)
i can’t believe i’m in my 30s and having to have my therapists talk privately to my parents on what’s going on and their future plan for me (to which i’m expecting a catastrophic response tbqh)
i am glad i’m not at a point in my life where SH or sui*de are not part of my daily rotation, so i know growth has been made, so it’s a weird feeling to know i’ll survive but also sucks that i’ll survive bc life is hard. apart from social neglect and isolation those are things that can be remedied, i think over time,
BUT BOY DOES IT FUCKING SUCK IN THE MOMENT LIKE THIS MOMENT JFC IT SUCKS I WANNA SUCK JOY OUT OF EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING AND I WANNA SCREAM AND CRY
it’s honestly stemmed from my family’s decision to not give a fuck about me around my bday this past year, and just cascaded into everything else while they continued to compact more stress and, unfortunately, burned my bridge completely for them this year and for the foreseeable future. to have the best xmas i’ve ever had last year full of support and wonder, to this year full rejection of who i am (which is why i spent xmas alone )
but i truly wish i was invited out to things and holidays to be included, but can’t be a burden bc how dare i think anyone should include me, so i decline because im not worthy.
my therapists say if things get the green from my parents come next month then things will be changing in my care and i so hope and wish for that to happen. they’ve been every stumbling block so i’m not hoping too highly unu
i watched a small like q&a with some furries (i know how it sounds) but honestly im not into a full suit but i’ve always loved fox ears and tail, thanks to gaia, and their community seems so welcoming and supportive. i don’t know anything about that world except most media and a few good words here and there but after this vid i watched im gonna do more research. i know this sounds harsh, but bc of the internet i didn’t really know that its not as sexual as the internet makes it, they just like to have fun and dress up and escape , like dnd. honestly the first time in months ive felt excited about maybe joining a new community, and although i feel cringe for the fandom, educating myself was important to get the misinformation out of the way for me to be like “oh, yeah i just think it’s cute! im not attracted to any furries or animals, but i think its fun and cute to play and cosplay!” always have, so i guess its me getting over my embarrassment of it idk - ppl just really wanna have fun and be silly and make others happy, even if its a costume like an animal. its creative af tbh,
all that to say i’m lonely now and it hurts so bad right now. i don’t even want a SO lmfao, i’m far from wanting anything like that, but just more friends who have more time. i honestly don’t even think it’s possible in america bc of our work grind culture, but i have to hope that over time maybe it gets easier on everyone idk
i’m just hoping and wanting friends and social interaction a lot and my disabilities are such a catalyst for it
jffiekgirorogorofogk it’s 3AM shit post man i haven’t shit post or blog posted on here in years like this , feels good. feels right. all my dirty laundry on the most worst trusted social media platform that somehow never sinks. LMFAO
wow i’m really fucking autistic LMFAO just thinking about how much this also reflects poorly on my routine habits and trying to gain stability in that, when it doesn’t happen my day is just gone and i’m in a brain fog of not understanding and trying to figure out social queues and if i did something wrong
okay, i feel a bit better. good vent session meggie LOL okay time to try to sleep and wind down i hope - even though im amped on ptsd dreams and avoiding sleep to not wake up 3 times having to change sweaty clothes
tomorrow,,, i buy something nice for myself. maybe a crystal.
#depressed shit#late night personal junk#huge emotional dump for me#it’s cathartic honestly#no one has to read but me so keep scrolling if ya want my good besties
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hello diary entry
#PAST 2 WEEKS HAS BEEN VERY BAD N SCARY .. two very intense and weird breakfowns for xompletely separate reasons#feelingvery isolated and distant drom everybdoy#sucks bot having a stable ‘friend group’ anymore Lol#but also partially self induced feeling bc i dont mf make an effort anymore anyways#but like in hk we have online school 4 a month bc of the virsu and that makes it worse cause im just sitting#IM JUST SITTING HERE#IN MY HOUSE#ALL THE TIME#and its fucking horrible ans tragic#and my bf is super sick (luckilg not with that) so i wont see hik for a while#AND I NEED HIS SUPPORT AND TOUCH IN THIS TIME ... i am just sitting here and overthinking what my brain thinks is the ‘objective’#validity of every human connection i have forged ever#what do i mean to others? am i but an amusing decoration? am i loved?#LMAO DUMB SHIF MAKING ME CRY 10 Times IN THE PAST 24 HOURS ALL BC I GOT HIGH W THE WRONG PPL#and the other tkme it was cause i yelled @ my parents (and you know what. i meant everything i said. n then i woke up to find them acting#like nothing happened)#sis wht i gotta do to get listening skills and communication on a vulnerable level from ppl over age 30#i am excited to live in a dorm lmfao and not desl with anyones shit#and not be an engironment where i know ive been slowly emotionally ruptured and everyone but me is blind to the consequences of their#attitudes and actions#fuck this shit im gonna wake up at 8 every day do my work and call one kf my friends 😎 and then when my love feels better ill hold his mf#hand#and in the meanwhile play minecrsft and read books i am pretending i dong have tjme for but DO#and also will DRAW#AND MAYBE ORDER SOME CUTEASS DEPOP SHIT#thank you#i am gojng to be very bad fr the next few dats but i have to realize i am actyallg fine and loved and am just scared of bejng connected to#ppl bc th 2 people who were supposed to introduce me to intimacy.. were imposing disrespectful and patronizing#goodnight. pee pee poo poo. send me movie recs cause i have too much time on my hands and too little executive function. thankz#*
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He literally said "I don't want people to take this any way"
He would "feel weird if people were talking directly to him or talking about him in a conversation.." (He trailed off but it's clearly like about other pronouns)
He said - and guys pay attention to this - "I feel like my pronouns are he/him". he did emphasize "my", and only said he/him in this sentence
Just because he doesn't feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it makes him comfortable!! Your pronouns are valid no need to force them on other people!!
This isn't directed at you ofc I just wanted to give some quotes from the stream when I saw you didn't watch this part haha
actually super appreciated anon thank u so so much for the direct quotes like i cannot brave the embarrassment of those donos ToT <3333 i wish desperately that ppl could read subtext.... im not trying to argue dream will scream and die if u call him a they/themmie but if it feels like he (for some reason) wont BLATANTLY say hes against they/them for himself there might be a reason beyond "omg hes trying to communicate to 70k ppl secretly that hes nonbinary and im the only one smart enough to pick up the vibes"
anyway. MORE PRONOUN DISCOURSE ASKS BELOW
no okay because smth that pissed me off sooo bad about ppl getting defensive about "omg dream is all pronouns he told me himself" is that i never said ANYTHING abt what ppl do in their own priv spaces like.... personally i find it a bit odd if its beyond jokes but if i went crazy over everything i found "a bit odd" in mcyttwt i would never stop. BUT ASKING DREAM DIRECTLY...... like IDDDCCC ur justification -- ITS WEIRD!!!! anyways in essence: i agree
yeah thats the right term dont worry!! i agree.... ultimately it kind of sucks because i know a lot of these ppl come from a desire for validation and i empathize but its suchhh a terrible outlet for it </3
^ grouped because i have nothing to add except i agree and u are all so smart.
OMG no worries + i appreciate u supporting me....... to be honest i would do it if i was fighting on tumblr but those twitter ppl are bloodthirsty like ive seen what they can do (shivers) im not afraid to admit that i will lose to a mob of stans crying wolf(self)
but genuinely u bring up a great point about how equally dehumanizing it can be to project onto ur streamers like they arent real people with feelings. tbh i dont really understand why those ppl are in this fandom at all sometimes if they arent satisfied with who their CC actually is
THATS WHAT HE PREFERS . USE THOSE. how hard is it :sob: its funny bc twitter stans are genuinely so afraid to speak out against this kind of thing too -- despite getting absolutely destroyed (100+ qrts in 30 minutes im honestly still in shock that my tweet could be SEEN by so many in such short time ?!?!?!?!) i ended up gaining ten followers...... like i was expecting to be on 50 blocklists but ppl who agreed just silently followed to avoid joining me in the depths of hellfire ifg
#discourse /#ask#guys i can see the light we're almost htere#if i misspeak on anything im so sorry its 6am but ik these are sensitive topics so lmk <3
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I agree and disagree on some points about streaming, esp bcs I studied IPR Law extensively. It is futile to argue about the morality aspect imo, bcs at the end of the day its illegal. So if someone streams n it gets taken down, HYBE is well within their rights to do so. People can be hypocritical at times when trying to defend illegal streaming, bcs at the end of the day the legal basis that is used to take down streams is the same one that protects all other creators from having their work stolen. For example when accs get reported for plagiarism - the basis for that is rooted from the same law. Without these means of protection creatives wouldnt be able to make a living out of their work. However I do understand about that not all people can afford bts content - it is expensive. Even when u do have the money it is often times wiser to keep it. It also feels silly since streams get taken down but clips get distributed almost immediately after. They also can’t take down everything cause people circulating these clips/pics/gifs/etc and talking about it is ultimately what makes bts’s career - its promotion. So like, when u rather not spend money but there are readily available links, ofc ppl are gonna watch- illegal or not. Morals be damned, ppl do things bcs they can. Just to be clear I’m not at all critisizing u for streaming bcs ultimately I understand, but I’m also saying that this is inherently a complex issue. Even in the legal field, the handling of these infringements is not at all black and white. I myself advocate for other alternatives, like going dutch with friends, if u can. In a perfect world we would all have money to spend on anything we want. But this world is far from perfect. Again im not at all coming for u, frankly as far as im concerned u can do whatever you want. Im just sending this as food for thought and to put things into perspective.
as much as i appreciate you coming into my inbox to give your opinion on streaming, it really wasn't warranted. i don't think i've disagreed that streaming muster broke the law. the whole point here - which, frankly, i think you've missed - is that just because something is illegal doesn't mean it makes the person who did it a reprehensible scrounge (as the original anon put it). sure, there are criminal laws that protect people, that keep, y'know, killers at bay. murderers behind bars. etc. but there are also laws that have been put into place to protect the 1% and to capitalise on the wealth disparity. not all laws are made equal. hello, the war on drugs and incarceration of bipoc?
so studying the law is all well and good and having an opinion on things is, fine, go ahead. i've been in law for the past five years, too.
but the topic right now is about whether my streaming of muster, and hundreds of people's subsequent watching of same, made us bad people. the answer? no. (and this point, dear friends, is not up for debate.)
in case you'd like some food for thought:
someone pointed out that the muster tickets were priced based on the conversion from USD. while i've not done the research to check if this is true, if it is, that's a huge deciding factor on whether people can afford things. sure, for countries where their currency does well against the american dollar (euro, gbp), this isn't a problem. but for others? sorry capitalism has a chokehold on us and we'd like to escape it.
not all army are adults with jobs. some are teenagers, preteens, whatever. they may not have money or they may not be in a position to ask for it from their parents/guardians. but if they have the option to watch something from a group they really enjoy, they shouldn't? because oof! sucks for you, kiddos, but y'all are broke and stinky. that's unfair and classist.
comparing streaming of bts content to other creators having their work stolen is so... odd. because bts is not just another creator. bts is a huge group worth millions of dollars. they are signed with big hit (or whatever, hybe, idk) that's worth billions. do you think any one of us army that streamed muster would try to steal from an independent/small creator or business? do you really equate <1000 people watching a stream that generated over $100mil in revenue as the equivalent to stealing from an artist?
by the same logic above, gifs shouldn't exist. clips of performances shouldn't exist (outside of those prepared specifically by BH or their affiliates). scans and photo card pieces shouldn't exist. only the people who can afford things (which are not cheap, by any means) should be able to enjoy them and everyone else can kick dirt. again, divisive.
how do you think bts became popular? i mean, yes, they're wonderful and great and the boys deserve all the recognition in the world. but did they do it all, purely through their own advertisement and content? i mean, sure. but how was that shared with the community? probably because of people like me, people like the incredible gif and clip makers, editors, etc. on this site. personally speaking, if i hadn't seen all the clips and gifs i had when i first got into bts, i probably wouldn't have fallen so deeply into this goddamn bangtan hole. but i did. and now i've spent hundreds upon hundreds of dollars to support them. this sort of community sharing is what keeps demand high and helps people get into bts.
anyway, those are just a handful of points i really think you and other people need to consider, as well. at the end of the day, you can have whatever opinion you want. will i respect it? maybe, if you present it like this. i don't and won't agree with a lot of what you've said but here ya go.
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something nobody talks about when talking about how whiny sso's immature fans are in criticising the game etc
is that preparing for, and handling, critcism (fair or not) in a healthy and mature way, is a part of the job when you are an employee who manages social media accounts. (and employees who arent in charge of social media, make a personal choice in checking on the company's social media if they do, and if theyre not emotionally stable enough to handle that then as adults they are responsible for keeping themselves from looking at it. if they can't - theyre responsible to seek healthcare to help them.)
i personally dont really agree with this stuff like "damned if they do, damned if they dont, its so hard being the sse team" - this is normal in human society (sadly) no matter where you go - there will be fair criticism, unfair criticism, and love letters, and trolling, etc, thats sadly the human society we live in, and if you are selling a product youre definitely going to see some criticism so it cant take you by surprise (you prepare for this as part of the job).
and for a mature and healthy person you have to develop BOUNDARIES, which is key not only to stay healthy as a social media manager or support staff, but also as a human in general. most people need to work more on developing healthy boundaries, and for ppl with certain mental health problems, they may have almost no boundaries in place and have to start building them up from scratch. (please do go research what it means to have healthy boundaries. its good for *everyone* to read up on this.)
a healthy boundary: ppl whining on a company's social media isnt going to affect you much on a personal level. if you are heavily affected on a personal level by the mix of negativity and positivity in comments on a paid product, or by hate storms and etc, you prob arent stable enough to be working in this position - u need to take time off and get some mental health care, or find a different job, and someone should take the job who does have the necessary boundaries between personal/business spaces, and a full understanding of that some criticism is warranted and some isnt and thats just normal in human society.
being able to sift through and sort the input from customers as "this is true, this is nonsense, this is trolling, this is misguided but they have a point, this is a sweet comment im gonna print this and put it on the office fridge, this one is reoccurring so maybe its a big problem", etc etc, thats part of the job if youre in a position where looking at comments *is* part of your job. being able to ignore comments that arent useful is part of your job. distancing yourself from it on a personal level (having boundaries) and only seeing it as data, not as potential attacks.
in my personal opinion as someone with severe mental health issues, social anxiety, who has studied a lot of psychology over many years on my own, who posts stuff i made online where ppl are able to send me love or hate (and ive gotten hate msgs) - i dont think ppl need to worry or think so much about "sse gets so much hate". i dont think its really anything to talk about as an "sso problem" bc humans are generally like this everywhere.
what we should think about is for example whether the employees have adequate healthcare support (if someone *does* get upset over criticism due to lacking boundaries or genuine personal attacks - like harassment on an employee's personal account - how is it handled?) - its not something we can change as fans, but we can boycott businesses in protest when we see theres something we dont think is okay.
what i really want to say in writing this is that you shouldnt think of "a company" or "social media related employees" as if its normal/healthy/mature for them to be taking things personally when they get criticism or hate. its natural for someone with lacking boundaries to take things personally, and it sucks, but 1) adults are responsible for trying to get healthcare to help them develop boundaries 2) the company is responsible for not only managing the employees so ppl who arent fit for a position arent stuck in it, but also to provide some healthcare support or counselling when employees run into mental health issues
and at the end of the day any problem you have with sse is best solved by 1) communicating fair criticism to them 2) boycotting products that you dont want to support
#long post#text post#also ofc ppl shouldnt post hate or unfair criticism ever but as a company or public person you prepare for it
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just a little racial processing
i am white and i have racism ingrained pretty deeply, not in that i dislike black people or other races but in that i really do fr think of white ppl as being the default, and what i do to combat that in my own life is i sit on social media and i stare at and like and reblog pics of black people because i want to change my perception because my perception is SMALL. i especially do this with pics of black people doing super normal things bc i feel like they are really exoticized in the media, either as hooligans or hard-living heroes... instead of just normal people enjoying freedom and prosperity, learning things, etc. i know that black ppl have unique stories and normalcy for them doesnt always match normalcy for white ppl but basic human things are really important to see.
i have also become more aware of the concept of generational wealth and how black ppl were all set up to start building it after slavery until the jim crow laws came around and strangled that possibility. i have NOT been PROACTIVE or ACTIVE about any of this but at least i am Aware of it. i do not make any conscious efforts to support black small businessppl over others but i really think that is because that isnt an area that gets a lot of my attention in general, bc im kind of overwhelmed by consumerism and i dont have a clear idea of whats going on with my own money and buying deliberately intimidates me. buying purposefully from black owned businesses is always something i think im going to do more of in the future haha.
but also, in my consuming images/content/whatever passively on social media, the idea of wealth and generational wealth being important specifically to black people (less so to white ppl, so many of whom have it...not all but so many including my mom’s family...NOT my dad’s at all but totally my moms) has made it so i consume w/ interest and support media where black people are talking about money and financial literacy and entrepreneurship. that is an area i view as a different lens from how i view the same topic with white people. #blackownedbusiness is a really powerful concept and i feel responsibility as a consumer to support it, but i havent really yet.
i feel like my perspective is basically pretty balanced. i know how it feels to be racist in the passive, ignorant way and i know how it feels for education to change my perspectives. i get it when black people say they just want to live and they dont want to explain themselves over and over, that they’re not white people’s teachers. i have heard them ask white people to step up and do that. so that is something i have done a LITTLE of. i am better at communicating than buying, i am like quite good at it. like when i worked for a coffee shop i was SO good at harmonizing w/ petty customers b/c i sort of am a petty customer lol. so i feel like that is a role i can step into and excel in... helping ignorant white people learn. i feel like my voice is uniquely harmonious and nonaccusatory.
im not interested in converting majorly racist people. there are MORE just passively racist ppl, and they’re more dangerous in some ways, and also they’re way easier for me personally to work with. i dont have the everyday exhaustion of dealing with ppl’s ignorance so i have leftover energy to engage with it directly.
i think that racism and otherism is at the core of all the wounds in the world right now. there are leftover tribal fears that have never been worked through, all over the world. in america of course there are all kinds of different racisms but the main one is black ppl vs white ppl.
1. black ppl are formerly enslaved so that’s hard for white people to deal with in the first place b/c it’s hard to deal with your own bad karma, it’s hard to face the fact that you live well because you subjugated humans (you as a social group, not personally... although of course many things in my life are good becasue of the benefits to my ancestors and my social group). honestly, slaveholder/colonialist karma is nasty. it’s trauma...it’s its own kind of trauma. im not saying slaveowner/colonialist people should be thought of as innocent victims bc they are traumatized bc of the shitty thing they did. im just describing the situation... they have fucked up stuff that needs safe processing as well, we are all connected and when we hurt others, we also hurt ourselves.
2. black people are visibly different from white ppl moreso than other races are (thats a generalization but, idk skin is a large and very visible organ and pigment is really visible and it’s easier to visually “otherize” ppl for being dark, also hair texture is very visible) so they are very easy to “code” as “other.” physical responses are very base and subconscious and the body learns them, so it’s super easy for the body to develop prejudices b/c of social behavior, and then the mind just goes ahead and encodes them like it always does lol. going off of this point, i recentlyish (march) started listening to nina simone... this is how fucking ignorant i am, she is basically the first black person to artistically touch me deeply and directly (aside from victor wooten’s book). and she is so black, like very very dark, and all of her facial features are distinctive to black people. and to hear her state plainly that she thinks black people are the most beautiful people in the world ... also to see her face saying that... it helps my body unlearn things. on the one hand it sucks that we have prejudice in our society so engrained that literally someone’s face can be an act of defiance. on the other hand, holy shit, how amazing is it that someone’s radiant fucking face can have the power to heal social wounds. not totally heal, but contribute to them.
3. LBJ and fucking nixon and all of those assholes, all of these fucking laws, law enforcers, government planted conspiracy theories in place to keep white people hatig black people and perceiving them as criminals, and also, strangling black people’s efforts at gaining wealth and grounding themselves in society so so much energy had to get redirected into shitty unrewarding labor and also crime (though crime rates have been exaggerated) like... and then the deliberate assassination of ALL the black builders of self esteem in the 60s 70s (80s?)... racist forces have been AT! WORK! HARD AT FUCKING WORK! FOR A WHILE! so of course we have racist wounds bc they were NOT fucking worked through after the civil war and in fact they were like nursed open and made to be infected because the stupid ass government thought racism was necessary for society to run. on the one hand, that SUCKS and it’s SHITTY.....
.............On the other hand it’s the most hopeful thing EVER.... because they worked so hard to keep us apart from each other. like really hard. do u know what that means?
--A. it’s a justification that humanity and brotherhood is powerful as. fuck.
--B. it’s an acknowledgment that ... people have to work really hard to keep us the fuck apart from each other. really hard.
the internet is going to make it impossible for us to keep hating each other. things are going to happen and they are going to be good. but we have to do it, we have to inhabit it. we have to be present for and communicative of the changes that happen inside us, so others can see it and harmonize. harmonization makes things louder.
hmmmmmm.
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Hey, so long since I visited Tumblr but when i really needed some help u came to my mind... Ive been so fucked up in my mind nothing makes sense n everything is pointless so i asked for a break from my boyfriend he didn't take it well n went all dramatic but agreed after n told me u have a week to tell me if i really want him in my life, which i really don't know,im already goin thru shit & he's giving me that option but maybe he's right bc i pushed him away,i push ppl away when im depressed
dear friend, i recently had to go through a thing with my lover and just because you’re on a break or things aren’t how you would like them to be, it’s okay. i know you’re depressed right now and i don’t know why, but i do know what it feels like. sometimes you plan this day out and you just end up sleeping in all day because you simply do not have the energy to cover all of that ground. i can relate to not being able to communicate well or do much during times of high stress, even if there’s nothing much going on and because of this quarantine, we’re all kinda forced to be at home so that everyone stays safe and healthy. take this opportunity to give yourself a break from all emotional outlets that do stress you out. maybe take this time during the day to get to know yourself better and maybe ask the right questions as to why you may feel what you feel. i can only do so much when i hear your woes, i do hope that you find some sort of peace within yourself because it sucks waking up and feeling numb. maybe watch your favorite show and laugh a little bit. maybe do something that you’ve been meaning to do? hell, maybe even take a break and play a video game. no one is going to kill you for taking some time off for yourself. holding, building and maintaining relationships can be stressful and super unraveling, you know? i get it. also, if he gets you an ultimatum, that’s fine, that’s his choice. you can only choose your reaction. i understand why he’d be upset, i’m also very volatile when it comes to love and people like us can love deeply and too intensely at times that it can come off, wait, it does come off as aggressive. but if he truly loves you and cares about you, he’ll be supportive and stick it out, even if that means that you two aren’t a thing. being in a relationship does no constitute loving someone. it takes time. how far are you willing to go to get to know what you want? i think you need to spend some time alone to assess your situation. how can you love someone if you don’t even love yourself? i have a hard time practicing what i preach, but i’ve found that being completely honest with yourself and that person can help to soften things. he’s just hurt and in truth? you are too. don’t be too hard on yourself or him. you just need to trust in your own process, that’s very important. don’t belittle yourself for not knowing what you want, i think it takes a lot of time to be comfortable in your own skin, to get to know your demons and understand why they are there in the first place, to truly make amends with yourself because of some stupid shit that you may have done to someone— don’t take yourself too seriously and know that we’re only given a one-way ticket in life. this can be wonderland or it can be hell. i guess it’s all about perspective, you know? i hope this helps.
if nothing else, i love you. be safe and stay free. ♡
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