#im not as happy with this as i couldve been idk the video has a lot of flashing sequences hard to find good parts to gif
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𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨
summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.
pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader
genre(s) // angst, letter fic
warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking
word count // 2.0k
author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.
[10/01/14, 3:55am]
dear jinnie,
hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph) sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:
hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!
me: haha brain go brrrr
anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!
signed,
your loser,
y/n/n
[15/02/14, 12:34am]
yo heartthrob!
im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:)
signed,
your partner in crime,
y/n/n
[30/02/15, 01:29am]
jinnie-senpai~~
LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!
signed,
<your bestest friend3,
y/n
(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)
[13/04/15, 9:04pm]
hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)
i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot
signed,
your 'lover',
y/n/n
[08/06/16, 10:23pm]
hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)
this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3
what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?
signed,
your daisy,
y/n/n
[19/07/15, 01:23am]
peepee poopoo hello
heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,
also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao
signed,
your moonlight,
y/n/n
[23/07/15, 01:56am]
greetings, kind sir
lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me..
she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,
signed,
your pink lemonade,
y/n/n
[25/07/15, 03:25am]
hi there
i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.
keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie
signed,
your asswipe,
y/n
[25/07/15, 04:30am]
jinnie
it's because i love you.
signed,
your butterfly,
y/n
[??/08/??, 05:??am]
you
i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.
[??/??/15, ??:??am]
asshole.
please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people.
youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.
signed,
fuck off,
you know who i am.
[31/08/15, 03:41am]
ah, jinnie
please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.
signed,
your fuck-up,
y/n
[15/09/15, 04:59am]
jinnie
why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.
when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them.
you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog.
signed,
friend,
y/n/n
[04/02/16, 12:57am]
hey
i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine.
signed,
y/n
[06/01/20, 08:00pm]
dear hyunjin,
im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were.
sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--
it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..
it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar.
i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?
signed,
the one that loved you the most,
y/n.
taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio , @neo-shitty
reply to be in my gen taglist!
#kpop#kpop angst#kpop scenarios#kpop boy#stray kids#stray kids angst#stray kids x reader#stray kids scenarios#stray kids au#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin#hyunjin angst#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin x you#hyunjin x y/n#hyunjin scenarios#hyunjin fluff#ending scene#iu#alachi mind puke
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loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)
dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough
anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:
special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3
track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!
1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens
i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place
2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos!
this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:
3. love love love by of monsters and men
this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh
4. ribs by lorde
this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...
5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow
i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them
6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell
SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh
7. truce by twenty one pilots
so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck
8. this side of paradise by coyote theory
this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK....
there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly)
but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL
9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house
EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH...
just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO
10. video games by the young professionals
SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF
also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers
11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai
this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔
especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld
12. therefore you and me by eve
ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):
13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara
this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass
14. a thousand years by sting
oh sting....
so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!!
it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring
ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits
them...
15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery
SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist
HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN;
another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too
but yea jus ... them
16. you by petit biscuit
an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right
much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things)
however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah
17. saturn by sleeping at last
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so
also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6
but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!
#cass cries#cass creates#jotaro kujo#kakyoin noriaki#jojos bizarre adventure#jjba#jojo#stardust crusaders#noriaki kakyoin#kujo jotaro#tenmei kakyoin#kakyoin tenmei#kakyoin#jotaro#jotakak#jokak#playlist#jotakak playlist#jokak playlist#jojo playlist#jjba playlist#jojos bizarre adventure playlist#sdc
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im just gonna babble about riley n cairo okay? okay. its mostly from cairos perspective. its 3am this could be garbage mama idk.
we all know that cairo and riley knew eachother since they were babies and grew up together,, like the spent every minute they could with eachother. as time went on they began to drift yet still call eachother friends simply because they dont have anyone else. they know everything about eachother from their favourite colour to deep secrets about their insecurities. their lives revolve around eachother so much that they dont know what life would be like without the other. they began to drift a lot when riley got on the cheerteam as a freshman,, riley for once has a interest that cairo didnt and she liked it. cairo however didnt; she felt scared and angry due to the unknown of the future, she relied so much on riley and now all her time was spent cheerleading which left cai alone. she made ‘friends’ with others but could never fill the hole that riley left; those friends led her to parties where she would get drunk to forget riley for a few hours. she would over-use socials to almost prove to herself that she did have friends other than riley and she could survive without her. she still remained friends with riley during the school day (they sat next to eachother in every non-designated seat class) but would find herself getting angry when riley had to practise at lunch/after school ultimately leaving her alone). sometimes people would make fun of rileys commitment to cheer which led to fights in the hallways after someone made a snide comment about her bow (though she’d never tell riley the actual reason for the fights).
riley saw this change in cairo and ultimately felt bad for her, this was the girl who had helped her through middle school breakdowns and her first freshman year break-up which led to riley asking cairo to join the team. when riley proposed it to cairo she couldnt help but breakdown. she thought riley had started to forget about her. she felt stupid for wanting riley to be such a big part of her life but she truly doesnt know how to be without her, nonetheless she vowed to herself that she would try to become her own person. riley said that she’d always be by cairo’s side. as the years went on riley kept her focus on training to be captain whilst cairo kept up her social presence which ultimately led to her being crowned prom princess. she didnt enjoy cheerleading but kept to it to keep riley in her life. riley started to rely less and less on cairo which cairo noticed when riley didnt have a complete breakdown over the viral stunt (she was upset and disgruntled but not the the extent that cairo expected from her). she wasnt sure if it was because riley had become happier in life and didnt need help or it was because she didnt trust her but cairo reciprocated the action by bottling up her feelings instead of sharing them with riley.
when riley became captain, cairo found out by a social media post. what she didnt expect was riley asking for cairos help preparing for the sleepover; cairo thought that mayb the old riley had come back now that she’d gotten what she wanted: to be captain. cairo obviously said yes and went to her house with the mentality of ‘act like it was before as if nothing happened and we remained close throughout the years’. she starts to feel happy and pokes fun at the viral video bc she thinks riley isnt overly bothered about it and she feels like her old self. its only when everyone arrives and riley gives her welcome speech that she realises this isnt gonna be like old times and riley is gonna be the kinda cheer-focused captain go-getter she turned into over the years. she, however, tries to make this fun for everyone (aka truth or dare) but riley is not about that and just wants to get on with the cheering. cairo spends all night trying to cater to rileys needs (finding annleigh, getting the pizza, being the first to put her phone away etc.) but riley doesnt notice or seem to care. in fact the only time riley doesnt talk about cheer is when shes talking about eva; which we know cairo isnt the happiest about,, she just wants riley to appreciate her like she does eva. i think at this point we start to truly notice cairos urge for a friendship with meaning because she begins to obsess over kate/chess (”trouble in paradise” she quips knowing full well its her and riley who’s having trouble). enter mattie covered in blood: cairo notices riley’s warning signs to her freakout so she follows her out. this is when cairo verbally mentions that she doesnt like the way riley treats her to which riley brushes her off because at this point she has no feelings for cairo and is only keeping her around because she has no one else. the defense scene is the last attempt and cairo holding onto the shred of their friendship hoping that if she can do this then she’s still of worth to riley and worth her time (and obviously it works,, kinda)
we know that cairo tried to contact her after that night to which riley straight up ignored her. she just wanted to know if riley was coping well and if they were going to rely on eachother during this hard time. she never knew how riley was dealing bc she ignored her but at least she knew she was in this alone. this was when she began to overthink that night, all the possible scenarios that couldve played out and all the culprits. she came up with many possible answers but the feeling in her gut was telling her it was the one she least wanted it to be. none of her previous ‘friends’ like her anymore after that night and dont want to be involved with the girl who was apart of the murder squad. when she finds out evas on the team her first thought is that this is truly the end of her friendship and shes going to be replaced by eva. but when she sees the state rileys in her heart cant help but feel bad for the girl knowing shes not in the best state of mind. and we see her try to comfort her throughout phoenix. (“you dont have a relationship with chess, kate” she cries subconciously knowing that, although very different circumstances, her relationship with riley is also dead and gone). at this point she only had herself to look out for so she gets super defensive when kate says shes going to the police and kinda threatened eva. then we get to the scene where cairo suggests that riley wouldve been blamed and rileys first instinct is to go no they wouldve blamed you; cairo sounds so hurt when she says this bc this is the moment she realises that riley has zero trust in her and riley has changed and outgrown their friendship. she cant even fathom the girl who she helped all throughout the years and the girl who helped her would blame her without reasonable suspicion. she tries to work out why riley is just letting this slide bc it just Doesnt make sense to her and the perfectionist captain riley she knew. for a short moment her thoughts go flying and before she knows it shes accusing everyone and everyone because it CANT be riley it just CANT. but when riley begins to breakdown she just knows that her gut feeling was right and it tears her apart to think that if theyd stayed closer friends this couldve been prevented,, if perhaps cairo still relied on riley then she would realise that cairo was there for her too but it doesnt matter bc its too late for that so she doesnt what she knows best and tries to deesculate rileys breakdown. she hates to admit that she misses riley sometimes and is scared that she will forever but she still goes on one day at a time becoming a better person than she couldve been if riley had still been in her life.
bonus: i like to think that due to their closeness they did harbour some romantic feelings during their middle school years however they didnt actually realise they were in love it was just what they knew/thought all friendships were like that. it wasnt until high school when they would think back on those memories that they realised perhaps there was something there but it doesnt matter now because theyve became too seperated for it to be anything.
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i just need to put this somewhere idk im sorry im having a straight up not good time tonight :-#
so we had this kitten than i found outside one night bc we think her mom abandoned her and we were bottle feeding her and she was getting along so well with our new puppy too and they were friends!!!! she was cute. she didnt have a for sure name cause idk if we were gonna keep her or not but i called her “gremlin” and “creature” bc she looked like a little rodent running around. and god. i should have put her back in her crate today. but she never got into trouble but i didnt think about how m y dad doesnt LOOK when hes walking and god. i had just got out in the kitchen bc i knew she was running around yet and i herd a mew and it was worse than i thought. he apparently god her head stuck in the fridge and she was spasming and then she stopped and was limp and did he care? no i guess he didnt realize how bad it was and told me to put her in a box or something bc he did the same thing to another cat once accidentally and it was fine but not this time. i kept her warm in my lap for the past couple of hours while i watched some videos to distract me but i figured a while ago that if i didnt hear her heartbeat she was gone :-( and now shes stiff so its 100% that shes gone. and my moms not home bc shes at the hospital like an hour away bc my grandmas not doing well either since she went in and monday and honestly??? im having a straight up not good time right now lmao.
ill miss her. she was only with us like a month and a half but she was so cute and a little shit, she would run around like crazy and pounce oun your foot and leg and attack it so i guess someone taught her how to fight real good outside. i think she was a realitive of one of our other cats, kitty, bc she was also a torbie and had almost the same orange dot on her head like kitty has, but there was a bigger spot on the back of her head and a little bit of white on her tail. i was so happy to see how her marking changed as she got older and her personality but now i never will. and im beating myself up about it bc if i had only put her in her crate earlier as i was planning but. i guess thats how it is
god i wish my mom was home but its understandable to why she isnt. and she doesnt know when shell be getting home either so :-(
ive dealt with death before but not sudden like this, its always been like a moth or a week that i kinda figured they wouldnt make it, today i woke up mostly fine and talked to my mom about the kitten while she played with my feet
i wrapped her up in this yellow baby blanket we fed her bottles on and put her in her crate. im glad she lived her life knowing she was loved, and not somewhere outside in the cold like she couldve a month ago
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just watched The Guy Who Didnt Like Musicals a second time. i didnt really process the songs properly the first time and didnt like them but now i can actually hear the tunes as intended and i love this whole thing so much. so im gonna ramble about this musical for a bit. spoilers ahead if u havent watched yet (its on youtube)
ive seen a few of the theories ppl have about the delivery of the musical, and about what happens at the end especially. i think i wanna try my hand at it too because sometimes i enjoy interpreting details. and im a gigantic sucker for reprises that stitch together all the songs we just heard into its own frankenstein song that completely changes in meaning or tone based on all the info we absorbed over the course of the program. and boi the last song of the show sure fuckin delivers
ok well i need to start at the beginning though. some ppl are confused by what the opening lil song and dance is within the context of the musical, because it introduces the main character, but at that point no one is infected yet so it just seems like standard musical stuff in the viewpoint of the audience, who expects this. but the entire plot of this musical is that the characters’ world slowly BECOMES a musical due to alien spores from a meteor infecting everyone to act as a harmonious hive mind. so in this sense its two musicals at the same time: the musical that starkid productions wrote, and the looser ‘musical’ that the alien entity is orchestrating during its antagonism of the main character. i believe that the opener takes place after at least a partially successful domination of the populace, mostly because of the fact that the characters who participate in that song are referring to ‘themselves’ in the third person and are dancing all hunched and menacingly, exactly how the alien spore compels people to dance later on in the plot. that plus a line that i might be recalling correctly about how the main character is their final story to tell, makes me certain that this is the alien telling that story
as for the main character paul’s absence from that song, i really think thats something intended in the musical to introduce what paul is like in the most succinct way possible. the guy just did not like musicals. throughout the plot he is constantly defining himself by his lack of participation, so of course the cheekiest way to set that up is to have him not participate in the opener. i think the confusing part here is when the story actually begins, because if the opener was performed by the future infected characters, when is the line drawn to differentiate between the two musicals that are happening (starkid musical vs alien musical)? or is the whole thing a performance by the alien entity? in which case, everyone on that stage is simply acting out the story as determined by the hive mind. but to whom, if everyone’s infected? i’ll get back to that later
another thing i love about this musical is how gradually tired of paul’s shit the alien entity becomes over the course of the plot, as evidenced by the tone of the songs. it just gets worse and worse. the alien’s songs turn from sickeningly cheerful to enticing, to threatening, to evoking hopelessness, then finally to pressuring paul past his breaking point. some of the songs arent even directed at paul but the change still happens, which goes to show the alien entity’s frustration. and at the end when the infected find emma, the song is happy again. they sing that awesome reprise, a really energetic mashup in which its hard not to feel like the alien plague is unstoppable. inevitable, one might say.
speaking of the end... paul’s confrontation with the meteor (my absolute favorite scene that i would rewatch a hundred times except i dont want to get tired of it too fast) contains good information to understanding what happens afterward. paul tries to blow it up, gets distracted by the appearance of his infected acquaintances, and the longer he stays there the more infected he himself becomes, breathing in such a heavy concentration of those alien spores at the epicenter of its activity. until now, he has rejected actively being the ‘star of the show’ like the alien seems to... want him to be? idk, the point is that his character defies musical protagonist tropes despite how the plot follows him. the story is ABOUT the alien, but paul is the audience’s anchor. until he goes to blow up the meteor. at that point, the alien has him. he can barely fight back against his own body synchronizing with the other infected as they goad him into giving in, but he puts up a damn good struggle considering those impossible circumstances. still, for the first time, he participates. he sings. he hates it, but it brings out some interesting thoughts: does he hate it? did he ever? or is this just the spores talking?
but what part, exactly, does he hate? in a musical, the singing and dancing act is usually the method of delivery for whatever the character is truly feeling. it is an opportunity for the audience to connect emotionally with the person who is singing. but we dont have that with paul for almost the entire show. he doesnt participate. and he’s established in the beginning as selfish, kind of a dick, and not available to anyone (except emma who is the only person he even slightly opens up to. he tries to be more friendly somewhat with bill, i think, but even then that couldve just been to get him to snap out of it and escape the school). he said himself that people singing and dancing makes him uncomfortable. so all this is to say that, on a deeper level, i think the aspect of the singing and dancing that he hates, that he fights to resist, is the vulnerability. you can witness the madness and shame for yourself as he sings more and more, letting out his worries, unsure if his feelings are his anymore. but hey, he ends that scene with a statement reaffirming the self he walked in with (which is to say, a guy who hates musicals) and finally pulls his grenade. so its cool that he was able to resist that but. guys. if the spores didnt get him. that grenade absolutely did. he didnt even bother to throw it away from himself, he flung it down right in front of him. theres no way he didnt get blown to bloody chunks, fully intending for that to be his final act of defiance
but i think it was too late by then. he’d already breathed in so many spores, and we were shown earlier on that death is not an impediment to becoming infected. i think after he exploded, he was still absorbed into the collective and reformed as a new addition to the hive mind. his explosives might not have been enough to fully destroy the meteor. and thats why, at the very end, i believe that - despite his admittedly suspicious face journey during the song - he isnt faking it. because if he was, wouldnt the hive mind know that it doesnt contain him within it? not only that, but in the opening song emma is clearly part of the group. given that she is the only one who is undoubtedly not infected in the last song, we have to assume that she will be sometime after the finale of the musical.
and now im left with my unexplored questions: is this a musical played straight, or a ‘musical’ put on by the alien entity after it wins? and who is the ‘musical’ intended for? its fun to speculate but im not sure these are questions that can be answered by watching it a bunch of times. theyre aimed too much outside of the zone of operation, if that makes sense. its like, you cant ever look at your own eyeballs normally. you need a mirror or for someone to describe them to you. these questions exist outside of the limitations of the musical format, so we wouldnt direct them at the video, we would ask them of the creators. or not. its cool to not have all the questions answered too
ah i wrote a flippin essay, huh? i guess i wanted to prove to myself that my brain still works
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ASKS 13
CC .zip file, resource page, uploading sims, and some other stuff idk
Anonymous said: Hi! I was just wondering if you knew that none of the images on your resources page are showing. Not on my end, at least. I've gone back to check a few times, to see if it was just my internet acting up or something, but every time it just loads blank white squares
Heya lmao it should be fixed somewhat now. A few months ago my download page/resource page/sim download page all broke and I had to reupload images. It killed me to fix my download page and I am just now getting around to doing my resource page. I am still working on it but I fixed links for Macie and Taylor
Anonymous said: Could you make any male hairstyles?
I am not the best at male hair, but maybe in the future I will do some stuff. For now the only male hairs I will make are conversions and stuff. I’m sorry!
Anonymous said: Any chance you’ll make some straight middle parted hair? Like 2002 Avril Lavigne?
TBH I wish I would’ve made my Madison hair as just the Cats&Dogs hair retextured/UV mapped because that is something I want now, but I don’t have a way to get it to be the same as my Madison hair. We shall see!
Anonymous said: are your sims for download? They are so gorgeous!
They are! The images on the download page I made for them are broken but you can find their tag here
Anonymous said: I feel lile u should post more about urself + I miss ur monthly playlists
okay I thought this was so sweet for some reason ;n; I don’t post much about myself because I don’t know if y’all would wanna hear about my life/problems lmao. Also my playlists is a whole problem UGH I made my Nov one and forgot to post it, and didn’t have wifi til like Jan and I don’t know what to do with them. I will put a little bit of what my life is rn lmao:
I am about to go back to Radford for my 2nd semester, and I am happy with how my classes are. I am going through some really messy boy problems like.... ugh. I am trying to work things out and people like @ayoshi @bowl-of-plumbobs @dogsill and a groupchat im in on discord have kept me from being miserable. I just can’t get it resolved til I go back and I have been gone for a month with it just... building.
@simspigccfinds said: How long did it take you to learn how to make cc?
Well I ‘knew’ how when I first started, but I wouldn’t say I got to the point where I knew how to make stuff 99% right until late 2017, early 2018. Practicing and learning from trial and error is the best way I learned.
Anonymous said: I'm new here but do you like Red Velvet?
yes! they are tied with BP for my #2 group. I love RV songs/videos, but I love the BP girlies so much bc they were my first kpop group ;n;
Anonymous said: idk if you've been asked this before (i went through ur asks and ur faq and i couldnt find anything about this but i couldve missed it) Would you ever consider making a big download for all of ur cc? I really wanna download it all but theres so much!
Okay with this idk how I would do it. I post three new hairs every month. Some of my old hairs I know have glitches and I would not want to include them. I am going to try to finish some revamps/updates of hairs and then see about a giant .zip file and maybe a merged package of all my hairs.
Anonymous said: I LOVE ALL UR HAIRS!!! I use them on all of my white sims ❤️❤️
idk if this was shade ewdgfvbn thank you?? I know I don’t make many POC hairs and I want to start doing more, they just take more time to perfect imo and I try to have X amount of hairs for voting everything, and 3 release every month so it is hard to get popping different hairs in and out in that limited time.
Anonymous said: Omg your sims are gorgeous, I love your creations! I am saving up right now but as soon as I have enough money to spare, I am definitely becoming a patron :)
thank you so much!!! I appreciate you even thinking of being a patron <3
@set-fire-to-the-stars said: HEYYY! First, I'd like to say your work is AMAZING and I really enjoy having your hairs in my game. I have a suggestion, because we're both LOONA stans... You know that one hairstyle YeoJin is always wearing? That would look so cute in sims 4...
thank you!! lmao the hair with the like 5 or 6 buns? Maybe!! It would be a bit tricky to do but I would like to try it one day.
Anonymous said: Just wanted to let you know that I have a friend called Lydia and her Hair is just as your "Lydia" Hair, it's so accurate that I had to giggle
lmao I am happy you got a giggle from it. I made it forever ago but I know it was based off of someone. . . .
Anonymous said: Hi! Do you have any hairs/cc for children? Thank you!
i don’t ;n; but @naevys-sims has converted a HUGE amount of my hairs to children if you want to check them out <3
Anonymous said: is it okay to edit your meshes for personal use only?
yeah haha for personal use is fine
Anonymous said: Hello!, i really like your cc. but, most of them doesn't seem to work with me, when i try to put it on my sim, it looks bald. do you know what's wrong with it?. thanks ~
You may just be downloading the recolors. Make sure to download the one that doesn’t say ‘recolors’ too.
@debsim said: hey i just want to say that you are my favorite cc creator and my sister is also born on the same as you lol :)
thank you!!! lmao it is cool that me and ur sis have the same birthday :P
Anonymous said: I appreciate you so so much. I feel like i've already told you this but my god, you improve everything about my game. You've literally made my life happier and just, i'm so happy 😩❤
awe thank you!!! I just make simple hairs <3 I am happy that you think it improves your game. Thank you again
Anonymous said: I'd really love to see something fresh from you. All i see on my dash is the same hair with small variations :/
all my releases are picked by Patreon Pledges through voting, so it isn’t up to me entirely. I just make/finish the hairs being voted on. All I can recommend doing to change that is pledge and vote sdgfvbb
@ssmorqqii said: Okay so this isn't much of an ask really but I just wanted to give you a heads up as an excessive cc downloader/user that your cc is HEAVEN. It makes the whole game so much better and I just wanted to thank you.
thank you omg stuff like this makes me feel good about making content for the game <3 knowing that people think my hair changes the game enough to make it better. Thank you again
Anonymous said: do you use a cleavage overlay or special skin on your female sims?
I use two skin overlays and a default. That is it though besides makeup. No cleavage overlay
Anonymous said: How are your sims so pretty? Would you ever upload them? Like the one you’re using with get famous for example?
My sims are uploaded already to my origin and my blog lmao, I am planning to update them in the next few weeks though. DL page here
Anonymous said: not gonna lie that I followed you mainly cause you're a LOONA stan! <3
oh absolutely
Anonymous said: Another patron saint bitch. Sorry ugh
efvbn this made me giggle lmao ty
Anonymous said: sulsul! so I don't know how patreon works but when you pledge? do you have to pledge month to month or can i just be for one month?
you can pledge for just one month by pledging and then cancelling before you get charged the next month. I think you get charged a small fee if you re-pledge in the future though. So doing it month-to-month is a bit cheaper
@ssmorqqii said: hi this isnt a question but i just wanted you to know that i think youre pretty frikin great okay thank u
thank you ddgfvbn i appreciate it
okay after this idk when I answered last so im gonna end it here. Does anybody read all of these things lmao efdhgb
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1-85 uwu
j esus okay
1. describe yourself.
uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch
2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?
idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.
3. do you have siblings?
the one thats still alive is my half brother
4. what is your favorite constellation, why?
orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio
5. favorite color.
yellow, pink, or blue.
6. what kind of music do you listen to?
almost anything. whatever catches my interest.
7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)
forgot what i said last time but those
yellow carnations i think?
8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?
maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk
9. favorite childhood memory.
my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.
10. have you ever been cheated on?
i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.
11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?
big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.
12. favorite animal.
river otter
13. what was the last photo you took of?
cat
14. do you believe in soul mates?
i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns
15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?
over is the one thats socially acceptable right
16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.
idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.
17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?
no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.
18. guilty pressures?
im assuming thats meant to be pleasures
umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,
19. favorite mythical creature, why?
merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t
20. something most people don’t know about you.
i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.
not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth
21. where did you grow up, what was it like?
grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.
22. do you believe aliens exist?
sure.
23. what was your last google search?
other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things
24. what did your last relationship teach you?
the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.
25. would you relocate for love?
honestly yeah
26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?
both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.
27. favorite book.
favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta
favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.
28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?
introvert by far
29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?
i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts
30. top 5 favorite movies.
in no particular order
little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched
31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
no
32. what is your greatest fear?
definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy
33. favorite alcoholic beverage.
im baby
34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.
im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing
35. do you believe in ghosts?
not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in
36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?
idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!
37. should you split the dinner bill?
i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.
38. are you a good liar?
most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so
39. what keeps you up at night?
depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.
40. would you rather go without your phone or music?
music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends
41. do you believe in god?
what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.
no. i don't.
42. how do you relax when frustrated?
cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper
43. what’s something that offends you?
when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway
44. favorite food
i hate myself whenever i eat food
45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?
@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee
46. when do you feel the most confident?
never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.
47. what do you do in your free time?
sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.
48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect
matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.
49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?
i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.
50. did/do you play sports in school?
i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.
51. when are you happiest?
talkin 2 jay prolly
52. coffee or tea?
tea
53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?
my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7
54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?
their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me
55. what is your favorite season, why?
fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.
56. what makes you laugh?
stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn
57. are you a clean or messy person?
a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.
58. what is important for a successful relationship?
communication communication communicati
talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.
59. what was your upcoming like?
if thats supposed to be upbringing
idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.
60. favorite holiday?
any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.
61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?
give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket
62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?
hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty
63. favorite outdoor activity.
frisbee
64. how are you? honestly.
not great. i want highschool to end.
65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?
idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that
66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?
waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.
67. favorite type of candy?
none
68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?
i can and will do arson, an autobiography
69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?
i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly
70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?
silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected
71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?
im mostly the one having the weird conversations
72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?
i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit
73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?
when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides
74. what do you like to cook?
whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot
75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?
really pretty tropical fish
76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?
idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing
77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?
heart at first but my head if things get bad
78. what is your favorite quote?
"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"
or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.
this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood
79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?
once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao
80. what’s your love language?
sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.
81. do you ever feel alone?
oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks
82. ever been bullied?
yeah
83. are you usually early or late?
late bc of my parents rip
84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?
drawing, or writing. also theater.
85. what do you wish you knew more about?
i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.
id like to know more about forensics tho
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And now, for no absolute reason, I will give every Gorillaz song from the main 6 studio albums my rating from 1-10
Self-Titled
Re-Hash: 7.5/10
Bopping tune, 2D doing his own backup vocals make me swoon, Noodle is great as always, no one really knows what the lyrics are but they’re valid
5/4: 6/10
Better than average,not the best song i’ve ever heard but still pretty good, kinda uncomfy with Noodle screaming about someone turning her dad on, drumbeat makes me wanna dance, wished they couldve made the music video
Tomorrow Comes Today: 7/10
The kind of song that gets stuck in your head all day, love the overall sad tone, music video makes me laugh now bc that one murdoc gif, makes me cry when i have depressive episodes
New Genius (Brother): 7.5/10
Love 2D’s voice in it, lyrics hit home a little bit for me, have never skipped this song tbh, overall pretty good song
Clint Eastwood: 8.5/10
I literally know all the words, I love the rap, iconic, there’s a reason it’s popular, Del is everything
Man Research (Clapper): 3/10
oooo boy i’m gonna get shit for this one, i always skip this song, i can’t stand the whole “yeah yeah” thing, the only great part about this song is the “tHiS Is a bReAkFaSt ClUuUuuUB!”
Punk: 6.5/10
gets me turnt, toooooo short, tbh i like any song where 2D yells
Sound Check (Gravity): 9/10
looooove this song, gives me body chills when the drums kick in, love the deep ass voice, overall emo kid bop
Double Bass: 8/10
nice jam, I like listening to this when I do homework or art, relaxing
Rock The House: 8/10
legit makes me get up and dance, great rhythm, music video is beautiful
19/2000: 9/10
amazing bop, gets me pumped, iconic af, first gorillaz song i ever heard and first music video i ever saw, n o o d l e
Latin Simone: 7/10
I don’t speak spanish so i cant really sing along, love the feel of it, will listen on repeat, prefer the english version but im biased
Starshine: 6.5/10
idk I don’t really listen to this one, not a bad song i just wouldn’t play it on repeat or actively look for it, i do like the vocals
Slow Country: 8.5/10
love the feeling this song gives me, kinda like im just floating, super chill song to get high to, have never skipped this song, i like the lyrics
M1A1: 8/10
super fun song to sing along with, honestly the best song they couldve ever chosen to start a concert, he s c r e a m
OVERALL SCORE FOR SELF-TITLED: 7.5 (rounded up)
Demon Days
Last Living Souls: 9/10
absolute favourite song on the album, breakdown gives me chills, constantly changing it’s tune and i love it, the basssss <3
Kids With Guns: 6/10
I love singing the chorus, great song to have in the background, chill af
O Green World: 7.5/10
i love the instrumental of this one, vocals give me chills, kinda wish you could hear the singing more tho
Dirty Harry: 6.5/10
bopping beat, i love the rap part, overall not really the type of song i’d play on repeat but not bad
Feel Good Inc: 8/10
first and foremost the fucking bass of this song is the reason i’m learning bass, chorus gives me chills, kinda overused but i understand
El Manana: 6/10
kind of a meh song for me personally, not a bad one just not the greatest
Every Planet We Reach Is Dead: 9/10
banger, the reason im also learning guitar, vocals are on point, has made me cry before
November Has Come: 7/10
love the chorus, rap is kinda meh for me, i like the beat
All Alone: 5/10
not really a song i listen to, i like the bloopy noises
White Light: 4/10
I always skip this one tbh, better than man research but not by much
DARE: 6.5/10
this song haunts my dreams, its like the best kind of elevator music, on another note you fucking go noodle
Fire Coming Out Of The Monkey’s Head: 7.5/10
I WANNA BE A COWBOY BABY, narrative is really fucking good tho
Don’t Get Lost In Heaven: 8/10
beautiful, usually dont like gospel-esque music but i love this, gives me chills
Demon Days: 6.5/10
not my favourite tbh, meh for me
OVERALL SCORE FOR DEMON DAYS: 6.5 (rounded up)
Plastic Beach
Welcome to the World of the Plastic Beach: 7.5/10
i love snoop dogg, also this song gives me good vibes
White Flag: 5/10
ehhhh not a fan of this one, i usually skip it, i like the orchestra tho
Rhinestones Eyes: 8.5/10
i fucking love this song, great tune great vocals, i never skip it, i even got my boyfriend to start loving this song even tho he doesnt really like gorillaz
Stylo: 9/10
jesus this song, makes my heart hurt, i absoultely long singing along to this, his voiceeeee, bobby womack!
Superfast Jellyfish: 8.5/10
quirky af, i love de la soul in this one a lot, have never skipped this
Empire Ants: 9/10
so beautiful, has made me cry, both of their voices are so soft and lovely ugh
Glitter Freeze: 6/10
starts off strong but when it starts sounding like a drill i usually yeet out
Some Kind Of Nature: 8/10
used to be my favourite until i started listening to the album more, 2d’s part is so soulful omg
On Melancholy Hill: 8.5/10
so sad and amazing, music video is probably my favourite, is me and my best mate’s “song”
Broken: 9/10
ugh beautiful, i know all the words and always sing them loud af, has never skipped this song, honestly is everything
Sweepstakes: 5.5/10
not a big fan, i usually skip this one, not a horrible song just not for me
Plastic Beach: 7.5/10
love it, better at the beginning than the end, still a bop
To Binge: 10/10
WHEEEW BOY, i love this song, its so sad and amazing and gay jesus christ, the best thing murdoc has ever done
Cloud of Unknowing: 7/10
soulful and beautiful, again bobby womack!!
Pirate Jet: 7/10
i love the tune bc it gets me feeling ~spooky~, lyrics dont really make sense but thats okay
OVERALL SCORE FOR PLASTIC BEACH: 7.5 (rounded up)
The Fall
Phoner to Arizona: 8/10
gets me bopping and grooving, great music to play in the background while writing or doing art, my go to for when i draw or need background sound while I relax
Revolving Doors: 9.5/10
OOF, it so sad and it makes me feel things, i scream the lyrics errytime
Hillbilly Man: 10/10
fell in love with this the second I heard it, has been my favourite song of all time for over 2 years now, will never skip it in my life, i yearn to learn the guitar
Detroit: 6.5/10
generally a good happy bop, usually play it as background sound
Shy-Town: 6/10
nice to the ear, i don’t really like the prerecorded vocals of 2D but when Damon sung it live it sounds much better
Little Pink Plastic Bags: 8/10
i love it ugh, relaxing af, will never skip
The Joplin Spider: 9/10
big love for this song, its just soooo goooood
The Parish Of Space Dust: 7.5/10
big cowboy energy, sounds so sweet, 2D’s voice is unnnf
The Snake In Dallas: 7/10
good for when you wanna party but you’re depressed and can only stay in bed, love the little robotic sounds
Amarillo: 9.5/10
i meeeean what can i say, this song is so sad and gay and beautiful, ive cried while listening it this, will never skip
The Speak It Mountains: 7.5/10
this track is really weird and creepy and kind of not a song but i adore it anyway
Aspen Forest: 8/10
beautiful sounds, the piano is so soothing, will play this on repeat while i zone out
Bobby In Phoenix: 9/10
i wanna cry every single time i hear this bobby come back
California and the Slipping of the Sun: 7.5/10
this song so so pretty and i cry every time ugh, he sounds so fed up im sorry pretty boy
Seattle Yodel: ???
what
OVERALL SCORE FOR THE FALL: 8 (rounded down)
Humanz
Ascension: 8.5/10
absolute banger, i get pumped everytime this comes on, skys falling bb
Strobelite: 7.5/10
i used to hate this song but then the music video came out and i tried it again and now i love it dont @ me
Saturnz Barz: 9/10
theres so much i could say about this song ans the mv unf
Momentz: 9/10
banger, i dance like a maniac every time i hear it, will never skip
Submission: 8/10
gives me a good chance to work on high notes, makes my skin tingly
Charger: 8.5/10
2D’s voice is so griity and i can help myself
Andromeda: 8.5/10
I’ve never skipped this song, has made me cry, makes me dance
Busted And Blue: 9/10
has made me cry several times, vocals are everything, will never skip
Carnival: 7/10
is a bop, don’t really listen to it much anymore but it’s alright
Let Me Out: 8/10
i love it, one of my favourites to rap with
Sex Murder Party: 4/10
ehhh dont like this one, i always skip it
She’s My Collar: 8.5/10
i dont want to admit the things 2D’s voice in this makes me wanna do
Hallelujah Money: 7.5/10
hated this at first, grew to love, very soothing
We Got The Power: 9.5/10
gets me FUCKING PUMPED, we do got the power fuckers
OVERALL SCORE FOR HUMANZ: 8.5 (rounded down)
The Now Now
Humility: 8.5/10
summer bop, makes me wanna dance, have never skipped
Tranz: 9.5/10
i love singing along to this bc it makes me feel sexy oops, always screams the lyrics
Hollywood: 7/10
not a huge fan of this but ill listen to it, favourite part is the chorus, also snoop doggy dogg
Kansas: 9/10
oof this song makes me cry, i always scream this
Sorcererz: 7.5/10
ooo them vocals thooo, makes me relaxed
Idaho: 8.5/10
i love this song sm, one of my favourites of all time to sing, i wanna learn the guitar for this
Lake Zurich: 8/10
I love to listen to this while relaxing or writing, makes me wanna dance, COWBELL
Magic City: 8.5
always dancing to this, billboards on the moooon
Fireflies: 10/10
yall saw this coming, i always cry, its so somber, in close competition w HillBilly Man for my all time favourite
One Percent: 6.5/10
only song on the album i would skip and it isnt even that bad
Souk Eye: 10/10
its so gay and sad i love it sm
OVERALL SCORE FOR THE NOW NOW: 8.5 (rounded up)
So after months of me saying i’d rate the songs in order I finally did! Now keep in my the overall scores are averages, my personal rating for each album is:
Self-Titled: 8/10
Demon Days: 7/10
Plastic Beach: 8.5/10
The Fall: 8/10
Humanz: 7.5/10
The Now Now: 9/10
thanks for reading, i did this so i wouldn’t have to write an essay oops! <3
#my post#long post#like really long#this took me 2 hours#gorillaz#demon days#plastic beach#the fall#humanz#the now now#song analysis#album analysis
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tw venting (also not super regression related) (mother's day related) (but also I'm regressing right now sooooo)
MAN okay so mother's day, right?
For context: I'm a computer science major. I code things. It's something I'm good at.
But! I also have an inordinate amount of perfectionism and set myself really high standards for things, especially (as I've discovered this year) when it comes to doing things for others.
So, my mom's a big startup person, and she'd had this idea for an app for a while.
And! She's very hard to get things for.
So, I was gonna build her an app.
Which is a lot harder than I thought!!! ESPECIALLY bc I started with an egregiously terrible Android Studio way. (jgdfgkjdf)
BUT all the no-code or low-code options were WAY more confusing imo
but android studio just straight up doesn't work. ifykyk ig (it's REALLY slow and my computer sounds like an airplane every time I use it..... it's a coding environment??? if I need to emulate an entire ass phone I will but NOT RN RN I AM JUST MAKING BUTTONS GRRR)
honestly would be easier to make in python
as is everything lol
but that has its own hurdles
ANYWAY
so I burnt myself out trying to make this damn app and now it's mothers day and I am sitting here with my vimeo video and my fucking 20 slide sketch and AND I KNOW
I KNOW
as SOON as I start presenting these slides my mom's gonna think I coded her an app
and I KNOW she'll be dissapointed
and even though she'll prolly be fine with it and still happy bc mothers day
I jsut feel like I couldve done SO much better and made her SO much happier and
uggggg
I feel just
so dissapointed in myself /gen
and this is not the first time this has happened
I just set up such high standards for myself and get all pissy when I can't achieve them
because I COULD
I COULD BURN MYSELF OUT
AND HAVE GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS
AND WORK 8 HOURS A DAY
but I DONT and it SUCKS
smh
anyway, I'm not writing a script lmao
this is already skuffed
i don't want to code this app anymore
my gift to her will only be like 4 hours of work (ig 10 if u count my failed + inaccessible android studio work) so whatever
and here I was thinking I was gonna make my dad a game SDKJHFSDHKJ
I guess idk anything I didn't learn in school huh
i just really really wish I was more motivated for ANYTHING
that i didn't want to just sit and watch youtube all day
ALSO ANOTHER FAILURE OF MINE
IM SUPPOSED TO BE AVOIDING STRESS RN LOL
HAHAHA
I have a (partially) stress-induced skalp thing I'm trying to get rid of
DFHDSK anyway
idk
it's just a classic 3 am bout of stress
imma do a puzzle or smth and watch a show to feel better bc it's already pretty late anyway *shrug*
also! I've been listening to a rarity agere playlist for the past 4 hours!!! Top tier!!!!
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gah another 5 am post eh fellas
fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now) and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it.
saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now.
so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it. i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess.
okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have a ballet company idk.
all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim.
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since yall kept fuckin asking heres 1-155. Go ahead and see how fucking lame I actually am
1: Full name: Madison Lyn (I’m not putting my last name on the internet lmao)
2: Age:19
3: 3 Fears: heights, elevators, being alone for the rest of my life
4: 3 things I love: cats, coffee, sleeping
5: 4 turns on: (I’m gonna make it nonsexual okay): body mods, humor, good vibes, nice laugh
6: 4 turns off: (gonna make these nonsexual too): rude, nasty, conceited, takes days to reply lmao
7: My best friend: girl: @bohoangel guy: @bostonnanner
8: Sexual orientation: pansexual
9: My best first date: haven’t had a best one yet, need someone to change that lmao
10: How tall am I: 5′8
11: What do I miss: lots of things and people both too many too name
12: What time was I born: 2:06am
13: Favourite color: blue
14: Do I have a crush: still crushin on my last man
15: Favourite quote: either some vine or “I’m here for a good time not a long time” I have way too many favs
16: Favourite place: my room, best friends house, or beach house
17: Favourite food: buffalo chicken or alfredo
18: Do I use sarcasm: of course not
19: What am I listening to right now: music ;)
20: First thing I notice in new person: smile
21: Shoe size: no
22: Eye color: hazel
23: Hair color: naturally brunette currently red
24: Favourite style of clothing: gothic, pop punk or hippie/boho
25: Ever done a prank call?: I havent personally
27: Meaning behind my URL: I needed to change my url of 8 years and I wanted something short and easy to remember but I also wanted it to be a band so it would fit my blog and surprisingly this one wasnt taken
28: Favourite movie: I have way too many
29: Favourite song: again way too many
30: Favourite band: AGAIN way too many
31: How I feel right now: I feel fucking exhausted
32: Someone I love: okay now Im sad
33: My current relationship status: okay NOW Im crying but single
34: My relationship with my parents: welp my dads dead and my mom and I are okay
35: Favourite holiday: Halloween or Christmas
36: Tattoos and piercing I have: no tattoos yet and I have my nose pierced and first and second holes pierced on my ears
37: Tattoos and piercing I want: too many
38: The reason I joined Tumblr: I was 12 that should be enough
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: No. In fact I could never hate him and I dont think I’ll love anyone like I did/do him.
40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: eh sometimes
41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? last text over imessage yes
42: When did I last hold hands?: I have no idea
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: I dont do anything really so not too long
44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: dont out me
45: Where am I right now?: my room
46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: @bohoangel
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: both
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: mom
49: Am I excited for anything?: nah
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? @bostonnanner
51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: eh
52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: yesterday
53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: I mean idc but it’d just be fucking weird cause they’re kissing in front of me
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: plenty of people lmao
55: What is something I disliked about today?: I’ll do yesterday since today hasnt really happened. But it was fathers day and my heart was hurting so bad cause I miss my dad more than anything and really wish he was still here
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: my fuckin soulmate bitch
57: What do I think about most?: in all honesty, my ex
58: What’s my strangest talent?: I can do this smile thing that nobody else can do and it makes me look like a frog
59: Do I have any strange phobias?: probably
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: in front
61: What was the last lie I told?: that I was a child of God
62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: video chatting but I dont mind either
63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: fuck yes and fuck yes
64: Do I believe in magic?: I’m a god damn witch bitch
65: Do I believe in luck?: I believe in karma
66: What’s the weather like right now? according to my phone its currently clear and 61 degrees
67: What was the last book I’ve read?: I have no idea
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: eh
69: Do I have any nicknames? Maddie, Mad, Mads
70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I had a staph infection in my foot that went back and forth across my foot and then up my leg (doctor said if my mom didn’t bring me when she did I would’ve died cause it would’ve gone to my heart)
71: Do I spend money or save it?: spend it
72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: nope
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? ye
74: Favourite animal?: cats
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: I have no idea
76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: oh shit I’ve never thought of this
77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: good question
78: How can you win my heart?: Be Italian
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I honestly have no idea
80: What is my favorite word? bitch
81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I get asked this way too much
82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: probably some hippie bullshit
83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: I’ve had relatives in jail but I dont think anyones in jail rn
84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? theres too many lmao
85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? probably if I’ve smoked or drank or have done anything bad but only if my mom was asking
86: What is my current desktop picture? its just basic
87: Had sex?: nah
88: Bought condoms?: nah
89: Gotten pregnant?: nah
90: Failed a class?: nah
91: Kissed a boy?: ye
92: Kissed a girl?: ye
93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: nah
94: Had job?: ye
95: Left the house without my wallet?: ye
96: Bullied someone on the internet?: nah
97: Had sex in public?: nah
98: Played on a sports team?: ye
99: Smoked weed?: ye
100: Did drugs?: nothing hardcore just smoking weed
101: Smoked cigarettes?: nah
102: Drank alcohol?: ye
103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: I’ve tried
104: Been overweight?: no answer
105: Been underweight? also no answer
106: Been to a wedding?: ye
107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: ye
108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: ye
109: Been outside my home country?: nah
110: Gotten my heart broken?: of course
111: Been to a professional sports game?: ye
112: Broken a bone?: ye
113: Cut myself?: ye
114: Been to prom?: ye
115: Been in airplane?: ye
116: Fly by helicopter?: nah
117: What concerts have I been to?: pink, metallica/volbeat, warped tour 2016,2017,2018, jingle ball, some birthday bash, I cant remember if I’ve been to any other ones lmao
118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: not entirely
119: Learned another language?: not fully
120: Wore make up?: ye
121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: I’m a child of god
122: Had oral sex?: nah
123: Dyed my hair?: ye
124: Voted in a presidential election?: not yet
125: Rode in an ambulance?: couldve a couple times but my parents decided to drive me
126: Had a surgery?: nah
127: Met someone famous?: I guess?
128: Stalked someone on a social network?: who doesnt do this
129: Peed outside?: ye
130: Been fishing?: ye
131: Helped with charity?: I think so
132: Been rejected by a crush?: who doesnt get rejected
133: Broken a mirror?: probably
134: What do I want for birthday?: lots of things
135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?: I have no idea
136: Was I named after anyone?: No but I have the same middle name as my aunt
137: Do I like my handwriting?: ye
138: What was my favorite toy as a child?: I have no idea
139: Favorite Tv Show?: American Horror Story, Bob’s Burgers, The Office, or Drunk History
140: Where do I want to live when older?: New Hampshire
141: Play any musical instrument?: I can play the violin and piano and can also sing but idk if that counts lmao
142: One of my scars, how did I get it?: its barely noticeable but literally right under my left eye (like right at the edge of my dark circle lmao) I got attacked by a dog and it bit me in the face and I had to get stitches but I bitched out and had it glued instead lmao
143: Favorite pizza topping? cheese
144: Am I afraid of the dark?: depends where I am
145: Am I afraid of heights?: ye
146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?:nah
147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: haha yeah
148: What I’m really bad at: everything
149: What my greatest achievements are: I fucking graduated from high school. Like I would never wish what I went through on anyone ever not even my worst enemy. It was worse than hell
150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I honestly dont remember
151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: lots of stuff
152: What do I like about myself: my eyebrows
153: My closest Tumblr friend: I cant say @bohoangel cause I’ve known her since 5th grade so I’ll say @bostonnanner even though we met on omegle years ago lmao
154: Something I fantasize about: lots of things
155: Any question you’d like?: literally whatever anyone wants to know
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an open letter to mi luvs
to my dearest harry niall liam louis zayn
happy 10th anniversary!
TEN?!?!?!?!
A DECADE
that is insane
i feel old but im only 22
i really spent my teenage years with you huh
anyway idk where to start
but i have a lot to say for this special day
or rather i have a lot to be thankful for
my memory of how i discovered u is still so vivid, me suffering from the pain of having my wisdom teeth removed which resulted to me searching you on youtube out of the blue. i saw your x factor videos, the funny moments compilations, video diaries, the livestreams, yes and then it went out of hand ever since and i have become a different person.
my junior year is all about 1d 1d and 1d. i was obsessed and was literally going through it. sure it wasnt my first time to be screaming over an artist (hello jobros, jb and many more) but it's definitely my first time being properly exposed to content and the fandom community in which i learned the whole stan culture of dedicating yourself to streaming, voting and counting down for new music. i became so active that everyday u have became a part of my routine. every day i will not be satisfied until i have fulfilled my 1d needs or talked about 1d enough. i listened and memorised all your songs, had everything about you ingrained in my mind. i just couldnt stop being pulled down into that spiral. i even had a fight with my mom because she didnt allow me to join the big 1d race event here in the Philippines. let me tell you how i had to wear sunglasses at church because my eyes are literally puffy and red.
but eventually, i learned to calm down and become as level headed as i can be, or maybe unconsciously academics did all that. but hey that didn't stop my love for you which was still getting stronger as years pass by. i entered college with the possibility of seeing you as my motivation still. and eventually it did happen after my freshman year. it was one of the best day of my life and i couldnt ask for more. although okay tbh i wished i have seen you closer and have seen you as 5. days after the concert, u guys literally broke my heart. zayn left and then u went on a supposedly 18 month hiatus. 18 months my ass lol but i just know it's gonna be a longer one. u were all tired from it i guess and i really understand.
i didnt stop loving you though, quietly i have been cheering you on for your solo releases and all the other things u are busy about. and even though i am currently dedicated to a totally different group right now, you will always have a special place in my heart and you will always have an impact and effect on me (shoutout to harry styles for being the proof of it)
now it's your 10th anniversary, and for this week i have allowed myself to be pulled into the 1d spiral again, allowed myself to be succumbed by my 14 year old fangirl self and boy what a bliss it was.
my timeline is full of 1d again, everything is about u again, and when i saw all your messages, i really felt it was 2013 again.
i miss you so much.
i never really realized how happy you made me until right now. i mean dont get me wrong i know im happy back then, SO SO HAPPY. but i also know that at the back of my mind, it was unhealthy, because at some point i have became too dependent on u.
but u know what, looking back, u really brought me so much happy memories. listening to your discography right now, every memory associated with it are memories that i really wanna be able to experience again.
and it meant so much to me.
i discovered u after such a tough year of my life, literally months after a very heartbreaking loss that i dont think i could completely recover from, and really if i hadnt discover you back then, what couldve happened to me? you literally saved my life and i am so so grateful.
you also taught me a lot of things, perspectives of life that are very much important, and became a way for me to experience new things that made me who i am today.
just…. thank you because you did indeed bring me joy and i felt really loved (i still dont know what i meant by this but it felt so right)
i am proud of all of you and wish u nothing but the best and for you to experience genuine happiness.
a comeback or a reunion would be asking for too much i know, but i really hope u 5 will stay as friends.
i may just be one of your millions of fans but i do know real friendship when i see one. so for the love of all things good, please talk and get that closure you all deserve. you may have known each other for 10 years only but u spent 5 years of it with each other 24 freaking 7, if u havent become family, then why not. lol.
i shall stop my 1d celebration after this letter.
no i am not saying goodbye to me being your fan. I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR FAN AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BOYS.
just i still feel emotional when i go full 1d and listening to ur music really makes me go through it so i dont do it often as before.
but let us meet each other again soon pls
i promise to be closer
i love you all so much
happy 10th anniversary to the band who has became my safety net, my branding during my teenage years, and that band who will always be in my heart.
all the love,
vanessa - styles (yes bitch ure still mine)
#happy 10th anniversary mi luvs#18 months my ass#indeed#you guys will always be special to me#had me going through IT#i miss you so bad it hurts#personal
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here is how my last date went w joel (once again i have mixed feelings about it) plus how things are going now
so i saw him the other night. i got there and it was him marissa and lindsey as usual but they also had their friends moshe and adiena there. so that was kinda awkward (for me at least). they were all just sitting around talking and moshe and joel were playing mario kart on the switch and then joel made everyone watch like category is, read u wrote u, the s8 and 9 finale lip syncs, and the alyssa edwards drop dead gorgeous mix. it was kinda awkward bc the others werent really into it after the first 2 videos (except marissa legend) so i was getting secondhand embarrassment but it was still fun i guess since i got to sit next to my man
BUT then things took a turn for the worst bc joel made some attempt to include me in the group conversation. i got so sweaty instantly and i was wearing a tank so i was like fuck! nothing to cover it up. so yeah eventually moshe and adiena left and it was just us the 4 sisters again
marissa started vacuuming and lindsey was showing us some books she has. then they both went to their rooms and it was just me and joel. he said chris was still in his room playing tekken 7 on his ps4 and he didnt wanna kick him out yet so we stayed in the living room and he made me watch the great british bake off with him and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO boring omg like this is what yall call a competition? it was not intense at ALL literally flop shows only
then eventually we went into his room and he kicked chris out (after playing one round w him) so it was just us. this is where the date got enjoyable
one of the things he did was he started talking to me about his opinions on like race and stuff currently in america. and his opinions were all p good except for a few so that was fine. it was nice i guess to have like a serious convo w him i guess
THEN he referenced something from his childhood and i didnt know what it was obv so he was like “ive never told you the story of my childhood??” so he told me and oh my gosh it was so SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD omg im not gonna put all his business on here but it was such a sad story and i felt so bad for him and i wished i met him years ago so i couldve been there for him through all of it. but yeah it was v unfortunate i was like shocked like he seriously could not catch a break and he explained to me how the things from back then affect him to this day w like his anxiety for example and yeah. like obv i wasnt happy to hear about all those sad things but i was happy that he told me bc it made me feel closer to him
now for the part i DIDNT like. so at one point he somehow tried to talk to me about what celebrities and porn stars we think are hot. i did not want to have this conversation bc it feels pointless for me bc i dont keep up w celebrities and plus like the guy im with is always the #1 hottest guy for me so i dont feel the need to lust after celebs and porn stars. but whatever he was insistent on talking about this so we did. and the part that made me feel :/ was that none of the guys looked like me. like literally all the celebrities and porn stars he listed literally looked NOTHING like me whatsoever. like i didnt have a SINGLE thing in common w any of these guys. so to hear him going on and on about how hot these guys are and how they could have him any day and stuff was just kinda deflating to me bc they were all like the complete opposite of me in terms of looks. like they were all super buff daddy types and i have like 0 muscles and i dont really have strong chiseled features either. like i know im prob being oversensitive/too competitive but idk it just made me uncomfortable
and then when i told him all my faves it was different bc he did have a lot in common w all the guys i mentioned. he was like “im noticing a pattern here” and hes right, like if i did have a “”type” he would probably be it. i personally dont like talking about hot guys w any guy im currently with bc for me its like if the guy im with is all heart eyes emoji about another guys looks then obv im gonna look at this guy and compare myself to him which is not something i want to do since most of the time the other guys have me beat. so i dont bring up guys i find hot for the same reason bc i wouldnt want the guy im with to feel insecure or inadequate or contribute to a negative body image or something. i know not all people think like this and lots of people are perfectly fine w admiring other guys w their s/o but for me its just not something i like to do
so that was the worst part. it made me feel kinda empty the next day (in the moment it wasnt as bad, it was uncomfortable but it wasnt until later that i realized that i really did not look like these guys at all). actually i think this convo happened before the childhood convo. but anyways after all those convos that is when we fooled around
so this time it was fun! first he had me teasing his hole w my dick. its mildy pleasant to me but he like loves it lol. then he did the same to me but his dick was like lubed up from when i was jerking him off beforehand and it really felt like his dick was THIS close to slipping into my hole omg i was nervous i was like if he moves his hips slightly too much im literally gonna lose my virginity LMAO but it was still fun! he ended up cumming on my hole which i honestly didnt mind bc it was easier to clean since its less surface area than say my stomach or something
then i jerked myself off while he kissed me and played w my nipples and stuff since thats still my preferred way to cum. it was nice and then we showered together afterwards. and i forgot to mention it but a few dates ago we showered together for the first time which was super fun!! that time i sucked/jerked him off in the shower until he came. this time we had already cum so we just cleaned ourselves
then we went to sleep. we woke up and got ready and i got to see him eat breakfast! he had cereal and he looked soooooooo cute omg and then we left his apartment together, then parted ways bc i had to go to my car and he was going to the bus stop down the street. he left bc he is visiting his family back home bc he needs to get some documents to do something for fafsa and he wont be back until wednesday. and i leave on thursday so rip we just have one more chance to see each other
so that was that! also on the date before that we played this really fun game together called lovers in a dangerous spacetime and i had so much fun! omg we were such gaymers
so yeah thats it! one more date before we have to be apart for a month. im really sad about it actually like ive been getting really emotional over it. like im gonna miss him but also hes kinda going through a difficult time in his life right now and it makes me feel really bad that i wont be able to be there for him in person when he needs me. and ofc im still worried he might meet someone else, like a month is a long time so its v possible for him to forget/lose interest and try to find a new man instead. and these gay apps are location based obv so he could be reinstalling grindr or something and i would have no idea since im so many miles away!!! i doubt he would but again i didnt think caleb would do that either and i was wrong on that so im not trusting my own judgment anymore
im gonna try to enjoy greece but im gonna miss him a LOT and i just hope hes able to hold himself together while im gone since i wont be here to comfort him since im gonna be on another continent. if he does meet someone else im gonna be really sad about it but i am gonna try to be optimistic about it and ill still be able to text him like every day so its gonna suck but it could be worse i guess
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Talk about your Infinite bias!! RANT AWAY! What do you love about him, why did you fall for him, what do you think is the most special thing about him?!?! SPill your guts out about this boy!!!
OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU
ok so it was a just a regular day and i was at my grandma’s house and my cousin was there and at that time, she was obsessed with kpop and i wasnt really into it, but she INSISTED i watch some videos so i could maybe get into a group and fangirl with her.she showed me a ton of videos, one of them being Infinite’s Destiny, and I actually kinda liked it, so i wrote it down to watch later. so later, after i finished watching High School Love On, my cousin mentioned that Woohyun and Sungyeol were in a group called Infinite! so i was like oh really? cool, let me check them out. so i did.i watched all the weekly idol videos, and all the variety shows and all the music videos and GUESS. WHAT. I saw the Destiny music video and I was like omg wtf, this looks so familiar? and i show my cousin and she’s like “isnt that the one i showed you back then?” and if you know me, you know my memory sucks and i cant remember anything for my life, so i go back into my notes where i wrote down the songs she showed me that one year and i FOUND IT. AND DESTINY WAS WRITTEN ON THERE. BUT I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN TO THE BEST PART YET HOLD ON. I go back to watch the music video and I sit through the whole thing and I keep wondering “why did i like this? what made me really enjoy this music vid-” AND THEN SUNGJONG COMES ON SCREEN AND I AM LITERALLY BLOWN AWAY BY THE SHEER FORCE OF HIS BEAUTY. I am literally telling you, my jaw DROPPED. My cousin had told me that Myungsoo was the visual of the group so I had assumed he was the most handsome out of all of the others, but once Sungjong came on screen, I think my soul left my body for a good second and came back full force and I was sitting there, in total awe. I couldnt keep my eyes off of Sungjong, honestly. I just kept playing the video over and over simply to get another look at Sungjong because how could a man like that exist!!! HOW?!!!! I literally told my cousin “oh my god. he’s too beautiful. how is he so beautiful? this is so weird, i’ve never seen someone as beautiful as him, like is he even real? HE EXISTS??” and i absolutely love pretty boys so so much because they’re so… pretty idk but wow… that day was like the best day of my life man. I think that was why i loved Destiny so much, like it also couldve been because of the song but….. Sungjong man, he has like… special powers or something i stg…
but i do question why i love him so much like almost every week. i just simply love him so much, and he’s so precious like :((( how can you NOT love him? he’s so sweet and kind to everyone, and he’s like a beautiful fairy, gracing everyone with his presence whenever he steps into a room. his aegyo kills me all the time, and i absolutely love it when he does a vlive or makes an instagram video and he zooms up on his face because i just feel so blessed just looking at him LIKE HES SO BEAUTIFUL!!! i honestly never get over how beautiful he is, and he’s so fearless, he really is. when he does something, he does it with confidence, and i admire that so much about him. also he’s gives away things easily like i remember his december vlive where he was decorating a christmas tree and he was like “i bought it” and then like five minutes later he’s like “yeah the company sent this to me actually” and like everything just unravels and i love it so much. he’s so cute. without even trying omg. i just want to give him a big big hug and stay in that hug for a while because he’s so cute when he gives hugs and i literally :((( i literally love him so much. he makes me so happy, and i only want him to be happy. honestly i think if i ever met him, idk what i’d do. i’d probably just end up saying “i love you” repeatedly and get really red and sweaty and then cry after its all over
tl;dr: my cousin made me watch Destiny and sungjong is simply glorious, so that’s why im here :D
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wanna chat? pt. 15
on ao3
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15
wow has it been A Week
i have two tests in a few hours and i have so many notes left and calc problems and i'm dying so have this!
there are two links in the chapter and i know you're probably like. why would i click those? i mean i wouldn’t trust me either, but i swear they're fine. ignore the first if you'd like, but if you don't click the second you're probably going to be fairly confused? you'll see what i mean
this is extra long because i'm feeling extra procrastinate-y
(sorting hat = nino, cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub = alya, dipshit = adrien, ahHHH = mari)
i'm off to fail. enjoy~
3:23
sorting hat: what the fuck was i thinking
were french
wed go to beauxbatons
oh also @alya akuma attack
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: but thats bORING
wait what
fuCK WHEN I FINALLY DECID E 2 SLEPE
sorting hat: please dont leave the house
im too tired
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ….
nino what the fuck is thsi akuma
sorting hat: why would i know???
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: bc i dont
sorting hat: love that 3 in the morning logic
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: all thats on the forums is pics of it stacking cars???????????
@hawkmoth wyd
sorting hat: being a dick probably
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ok tru
oooo something new in the inbox of the ladyblog
make ur bets now
sorting hat: i say random theory
dipshit: Fanart duh
sorting hat: bro!!! youre up!! <3
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: gm marshmallow my love
sorting hat: howd you wake up? did the akuma get close to your house and finally make noise or osmething?
dipshit: Oh I never went to bed
sorting hat: …
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: what the SHI T
SLEEP BOI
dipshit: Trust me, I would’ve if I wanted to
sorting hat: mari is the only one of us with any sense
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: shes a smart one
dipshit: Yeah
Anyway what’s in the inbox
sorting hat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VRr9NG7RE0
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: thank u bab much appreciated but also ur a nerd
anyway its
wait
waht ths hit
hlyk fucik
sorting hat: uhhhh alya you ok??
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i S HTIS AK JOKE
IMS TCARED TO CPIICK IT
dipshit: Well what is it??
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: IS T A FICKUING VIDOE WITH CHANT OIRS FACE AS THE THUMBLNAIL
FIFS:DKLFJ:SDLKFJQWIUE:C:KJGK:SJ
sorting hat: wait like
like he shot it himself??
dipshit: That’s some dedication is it like mid-akuma fight or something
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ahhhHHH I DON TKNOW I HAVNE TWATCHED IT YET
its
itS THE M
TEHY METION ME
MOM HOL Y FCUK
i can t;breakt h
im oginna die nsow
WAITN I NEDD TO POST
sorting hat: please dont die on us
yo send me the link fam
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: DINOSUAR SCREEEECH
dipshit: Did you mean pterodactyl screech
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: DO U THISNK I CAN SPELL THAT NR
dipshit: Honestly I didn’t even spell it right I had to use spellcheck
sorting hat: smh fake fan
i bet you cant even name ten dinosaurs
dipshit: Do you want me to try???
sorting hat: no no i do not
not right now
maybe after school
dipshit: Does spelling count
sorting hat: yup
scientific names only too bro no long neck bullshit
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ladyblog.tumblr.com/post/324367743289/update-from-the-favs
ICAHT STOP YELLING
IM SO GETITN G INTORUBLE FOR BEIGS O LOUD BUT HOLY SHI T
sorting hat: dang they look exhaust ed
and that akuma really is just stacking cars
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i need a flashing gif thatj us tsays
LADYNOIR IS CANON
sorting hat: bro thi s is so accurate to staying up until 3 am tho
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: HE CALLED HER PERFEC T
dipshit: Missed pun opportunity
Could’ve said purrfect
sorting hat: im kicking you out
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: MARHSMALLOW I LIVOE U
also i think theyr right about it being a kid
sorting hat: but like lb said its really late
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i mean tru
sorting hat: it looks like theyre building a castel
or somethng
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: a fortress!!!
sorting hat: yeah!!!
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: to protect them from d r a g o n s
or scary things
sorting hat: yo it couldve just been a kid with a nightmare if you by that
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: god whne the girls have a nightmare its ROUGH
sometiems nothing will get them back to bed
cant blame them i mean
one of the things that helps them is drwing nightmares
fuk i woudlnt want to go back to sleep either
dipshit: The akumas building a fortress huh?
sorting hat: idk man we arent talking to the akuma
ask chat
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: oh yeah no that failed
sorting hat: ????
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: he tried to talk to them and they just like
picked him up and threw him away
some1 submitted a video
rip chat noir
dipshit: Sounds painful
sorting hat: rip in pepperoni
anyway if you look at the akuma theyre sorta dressed up ya know
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i wanna say ur projecting the castle thing but ur right that thing in their hair looks like a crown
dipshit: Huh you’re right
sorting hat: man i need to sleep
akumas are bullshit
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: i just watche dthe video for the sixth itm e
im gnna memorize it
sorting hat: babe please
if youre gonna memorize something you should wait for a better vidoe
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: DO U THINK THEYLLY SEND A NOTHER
sorting hat: idk why not
they sent thsi one
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHIT FAM
oh snap here come the amgic ladybugs
there the y go
ayyyy
sorting hat: sleep
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub: ok godo plan
see u in a few hours 2 cry
PM between dipshit and ahHHH
ahHHH: I cannot bleieve you used our friends to stop an akuma
dipshit: Can you please let me live
ahHHH: I cant believe you sent taht video to alya
dipshit: Did you see how happy she was?????
ahHHH: Oh my god
Im going to bed
Please actually sleep???
dipshit: Uhh
No promises but I’ll try my best
ahHHH: You better
Night kittne
dipshit: See you in a few hours
Night bugaboo
7:58 in hogwarts house discourse
sorting hat: i want to die
cochairman of adrien agreste fanclub has changed their name to ladynoir keeps me living
ladynoir keeps me living renamed this conversation to “life is meaningless”.
dipshit: Optimistic
ahHHH: Fuck m y life and efverythign in it
16:03
ladynoir keeps me living has renamed this conversation to “what the fUCK”.
ladynoir keeps me living: what the fuc k what thif cuk what teh kcuk
WHAT THE ICUK
NINO
sorting hat: babe im standing right next to you
im processing
gimme a fucking second
ladynoir keeps me living: ...
sorting hat: ok i had a second
what
ladynoir keeps me living: whaT ETH FCUK
YOU TWO
REPSOND
YOU FUCKERS BOLTED WHAT HTE UC K
PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH
ladynoir keeps me living: MARINETTE DUPAIN CHENG WHAT THE FUC K
MARI!!!!!!!!!!!
ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PM between ladynoir keeps me living and dipshit
ladynoir keeps me living: answer uR GODDAMN PHON E
I M GODING HUNT U DOWN I F U DONT RESPJNOD
PM between sorting hat and dipshit
sorting hat: did i just see what i htink i saw
correction
did alya and i see what we think i saw
bro
adrien agreste
are you here
hellllooooooo
shit dude
PM between sorting hat and ahHHH
sorting hat: dude
dude what was that
how long has that been a thing
broski
marinette
goddammit guys
PM between ahHHH and dipshit
dipshit: Uh
I’m really sorry about that
It just
Happened
ahHHH: Its fine
Youre fine
Its fine
Were all fine
dipshit: Are they…?
ahHHH: Yup
I have
So many messages
Oh my go d
dipshit: I’m so sorry
ahHHH: Its both our faults or something
dipshit: You want Alya or Nino
ahHHH: Uh lets do this the simplest way you go nino i go alya
Good luck
dipshit: Same to you
PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH
ahHHH: What
ladynoir keeps me living: ok deep breaths
do not what me
i saw that
nino saw that
you lived it
ahHHH: lived what
ladynoir keeps me living: U JUST KISSED ADRIEN AGREST E
ahHHH: um
PM between sorting hat and dipshit
dipshit: Hey Nino
What’s up
sorting hat: ha ha very funny
alyas having a cow
but seriously
did you and marinette kiss
dipshit: Uhh
I mean yes
Yes we did
There was lip touching going on there
It was an accident
PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH
ahHHH: It was an accident!!!!
ladynoir keeps me living: an aCCIDENT
ahHHH: Were both really tired and we were standing next to each otehr and idont know what happened
ladynoir keeps me living: what did u fall asleep on each others lips or something?!??!??!?!?!?
accident?!??????
PM between sorting hat and dipshit
sorting hat: an accident
dipshit: I kind of
Wasn’t thinking
sorting hat: really fucknig smooth bro
dipshit: Sue me
sorting hat: no thank s
are you two dating now or?
dipshit: No we’re not
sorting hat: but you like marinette
before you say no
please know i just saw you lock lips
and i also am your best friend
and also have eyes
dipshit: Ok yes I like her
sorting hat: so are you gonna ask her out
dipshit: Uhh
...
...no
I don’t think so
sorting hat: bruh
why not??
dipshit: It’s complicated
PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH
ladynoir keeps me living: i hate both of u
ur actuallt he worst
ahHHH: Im sorry???
ladynoir keeps me living: MAKE OUT ALREADY
ahHHH: Alya stop!!!!! We arent dating or anyhting
ladynoir keeps me going: what hte fUCK
why not!!!!!
u kissed!!!
u 2 talk all the time
u make each other laugh
u spend a ton of time together
u like each other
ur dating
ahHHH: Al Im not dating adrien!!!
ladynoir keeps me going: ok fine
but u could
ahHHH: By that logic I could also be dating you and nino
ladynoir keeps me going: yes
yes u could be
PM between sorting hat and dipshit
sorting hat: complicated???
what about it is complicated??????
you like her she likes you
if you havent figured that out by now
i dont know what to tell you dude
other than maybe all that homeschooling made you worse at social interaction than we thought
cause its freaking obvious man
like really
really
obvious
dipshit: It really is complicated, I swear
sorting hat: what?? do you like someone else too or something?
dipshit: Yeah
Actually
I do
sorting hat: who?
ladybug still??
i mean same ladybug is fucking awesome and ive been in a room with teh two of you
chemistry and awkwardness
but like
dont take this the wrong way dude but
what are your chances?
im not gonna pull an alya and say lb and cn are a thing
but how well would dating a superhero really work out?
you like mari mari likes you
youve already kissed once
you guys are so close already
might as well just change the relationship status on facebook you know?
adrien?
ok well
think on it dude
ill be here if you wanna talk
PM between ladynoir keeps me living and ahHHH
ahHHH: Its not that simple
ladynoir keeps me living: yes it is?
do u like him? yes
does he like u? yes
did u like kissing him? im gonna guess yes
is it the asking out part ur scared of cause i can totally bug him into asking u out first
ahHHH: No its not that its just
I
Its kinda complicated
ladynoir keeps me living: ??????
ahHHH: I cant really
ladynoir keeps me living: mari u ok??
do u need me to come over cause i can
ahHHH: No its ok Im fine
ladynoir keeps me living: did adrien do smth
do i need to beat him up
ahHHH: No!
No its not him
Adrien is perfect
ladynoir keeps me living: sap
ahHHH: Just
Give me a minute
Ok?
ladynoir keeps me living: ill wait for u to text first
ahHHH: Thanks
PM between dipshit and ahHHH
dipshit: So
ahHHH: So
dipshit: That happened
ahHHH: Yup
dipshit: Nino asked if we were dating
ahHHH: Alya did too
dipshit: Mari I like you a lot
ahHHH: And I really like you too
But theres a but right?
dipshit: Yeah
You too?
ahHHH: Yeah
dipshit: I think we should just
Wait? A little bit?
ahHHH: I was thinking the same thing
Not necessarily a long time just
Some
Time
dipshit: Exactly
I mean I’ve been in love with you for months honestly
But there’s…
ahHHH: Same here
I’ve had a huge embarrassing crush on you since the beginning of the year
dipshit: Glad we’re the same level of awkward and embarrassing
ahHHH: That wasnt our first kiss
By the way
Just
Thought you should
Probably know at this point
dipshit: Wait what?
ahHHH: Dark Cupid?
You um
I needed to break his hold on you and I remembered class and there had been something about a kis sbreaking a spell so
Yeah
You didnt remember so I didnt say anything
Maybe I shouldve
I jsut felt
Really awkward about it???
Sorry
dipshit: Oh
Um
ahHHH: IM REALLY REALLY SORRY
dipshit: It’s fine!!!
Really it’s fine
It sounds like it’d be awkward to bring up
But thanks for telling me
I appreciate it
ahHHH: Of course
Um
Im gonna do some homeowrk so I can go to bed early tonight
Hopefully Hawkmoth will leave us alone
dipshit: Oh god I hope so
I can’t do another late night
That was terrible
ahHHH: That video was awful
But it was fun
You might sway me on this social media thing yet kitty
dipshit: :3c
ahHHH: Youre the w o r s t
dipshit: I know
Let me know if you have any problems with chem or physics
I did the homework while she was going over the stuff from yesterday
ahHHH: Its unfair how smart you are
dipshit: Promise you’ll ask for help??
ahHHH: Yeah I promise
Dont you have piano today?
dipshit: Yup and I should probably go get ready for that
Good luck my lady
ahHHH: You too kitten
#adrien agreste#marinette dupain cheng#alya cesaire#nino lahiffe#wanna chat#my fics#k so everyones gonna get the wrong idea about this buT ITS FINE
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Text
08.06.2021
so much stuff happened
i dont even know where to start lol. actually ive wanted to come on here a few times but i didnt know the password but oh well.
so to summarize all the stuff thats been happening/has happened this past 8 months: 1- school, no friends (in my class), same shit. 2- my dad got drunk on february 5th and got stuck in the fucking park at like 23.00 and my brother and i had to call security to open the gate and then we also had to call the police and the ambulance because he was too drunk and aggressive. and 3- i had this fucking piano competition on march 21st, got the 1 prize which was reaaallly wide as in a lot of people, even those who didnt really deserve it, got it. basically it was really fucking stressfull since i was practicing the wrong way, didnt make huge progress, wanted to stop and cried a lot. but hey its been a month (the 2nd and last part was on may 8th and it went pretty bad because i got like 5th prize. i know i competed against ppl who are in university but i still couldve done better and anyone who comforted me knows that. i also went to the therapist a few times. is it helping? well i cant say that it isnt, but yk. at least its someone i can talk to.
right now i still have to practice for my piano exam which will be on june 24th. its going fine ig, although i didnt study properly for like a month. thank fuck tests are done bc i seriously couldnt do any more of that shit istg.
to be fair whats worst in this precise moment is my school situation,. not academic, but social. so as you know, i havent reallyyy tried to be part of the boy group in my class, as in i dont really talk to them, mostly because i just have no idea of what to say to start a conversation so it gets really akward. but today my mom came into my room asking me if there was a cena di classe today and ofc i said no bc no one had invited me. but then i remembered that yesterday a few ppl were organizing something for today. i think it wasnt only the 4 guys but there also were some girls but im not sure. either was, not trying to be dramatic but that kinda hurt lol. like i know i dont talk a lot in class but what would it cost you to invite me. but whatever. i also cried 30 min ago. it felt good afterwards tbh. but i still kinda feel like shit. its just the fact that this whole school year ive been really fucking lonely. not 0 friend lonely, but generally in class i would be kind of a loner. like i only talked to the two girls who sit behind me and who of course have their own friend group, which they have had since middle scjhool. my middle school friend group basically dismantled since two of theme are in one class and therefeore formed their own group, two others went to another school and another one, which is basically the only one i talk to daily, is in a different school. and honestly we dont go out that much anymore because i stopped writing. i realized that i was the only one who would ever call them so i felt that i was being kinda clingy or maybe i just didnt get the message. anyways, i know that i couldve tried harder and actually get in the group but idk, i just didnt care. obviously it sucked to be alone and i knew why i was and what i had to do in order not to be it anymore, but idk why i just didnt try enough. so yeah this school year sucked ass. at least im changing classes next year.
one of the reasons why i didnt really bond w them is that were just different people who have different tastes and interests. they talk a lot about video games and football, which i have no understanding of. generally every interaction i have with them is really akward. but still i feel like and know that i couldve tried harder. what sucked is that all my friends are in other classses and formed their own friend groups and are just moving on yk? it kinda tore apart the friend group but im happy for them. meanwhile i was stuck in that class. not many friends tbh, never went out and still never go out. wow nice im crying again.
tbh what really sucked was going home at lunch or after school alone and seeing wveryone with their own friend groups. and yes again, i know that i could have waited for them or just tried to conversate with them, but whenever i waited for them or tried to catch up they just walked faster (not on purpose) but it was impossible to even squeeze myself in so i was just like whatever. also what really sucks is that they (plus another guy who literally is always hanging out with his girlfriend) are the only guys in my class. and i cant only hang out with girls cause yk.
i also miserably attempted to form a group which consisted of me g g v and v. it failed because g and g started getting all bitchy and viscious and i was like ok then fuck off. plus theyre always w their boy/girlfriend, and v is always w g. and i literaly have never even had a conversation with v.
but im so glad m exists. shes one of my best friends. i really like being around her, talking to her, i like the way she just lives life and is up to anything. also she’s always there. i just love her so much. not in a romantic way though. i also really like f but she hangs out with her boyfriend every satuday, which was the day we used to hang out. i still love talking to her and being with her. those are basically roughly the only two people i hang out with. like i cant really think of anyone else except for my old middle school friend group with which the last time we all hung up was in march. 3 months ago. i hung out w a, in the middle of april i think. but that was it. so of course we dont hang out regularly. also, i havent gone out for the entirety of may, which again i know is my fault, like i couldve asked anyone in my class. the boys dont really go out tho, bc i know e only hangs out w his out-of-our-class friends. and tbh i feel like if the 4 of them went out he would invite me (questionable?). but idk. but again, i really like hanging out w her, acc we went to milan on friday. it was really nice. we both enjoyed it a lot. theres still something i wanna say about her but my mom is calling me so i have to wipe out my tears haha
see ya
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