#im my deepest and most secret heart of hearts
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I think that philosophy is basically a modified play impulse. being capable of imagining scenarios and roughly model outcomes is a very important thing for humans developmentally, as it helps us practice things and make choices and integrate information
play is what allows us to practice this as children
but I see very little difference between that and a lot of philosophy or like, conceptual art and other art that's focused on Experiences and Asking Questions (many people do not understand that conceptual art is basically Play/Philosophizing/Modeling Scenarios practice) (for example: what emotions would it evoke in someone if they went to a museum exhibit and it was a huge room filled entirely with a hyperrealistic tunnel network built entirely out of duct tape ? what might the experience of moving one's body through that space be like? THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!)
this is why I actually love fine arts/conceptual art/"modern"/"postmodern"/whatever the people who broadly dislike it call it
you can argue that an artist executed their idea or their method of communicating it poorly ! you can discuss what makes an exhibit/thesis interesting as an experience. it's not just pointless nothing. there is skill and opinion involved and a way of interacting with objects places and events that you can LEARN. that's so cool to me. I fucking love conceptual art. I love everything where human beings go, "what would THIS be like?"
#i am high and thus a genius rn#also i miss art school im such a wretched little fine arts gremlin#im my deepest and most secret heart of hearts#wah
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🏹 sun signs as i see them;
happy valentine day my loves!
heres a lil something i’ve been working on for awhile as i’ve hit 100 followers (now 300+ >w<)
a feel good post w/ intentions to get ya to smile <3
i appreciate you all so much
lots of love, daisy
aries/1h sun: you’re the embodiment of ambition, that glorious spark of motivation. you’re the image of when dawn breaks, that fiery red hue. you’re who i look at during times of desperation, the light of perseverance in a room full of hopelessness. the feeling of full marks after sleepless nights of frustration, my most prized possession, a taste of satisfaction.
taurus/2h sun: you're the sight of freshly baked goods on display children beg their mothers for a taste. you're a warm cup of coffee enjoyed in the streets of paris, a garden of fresh flowers tended to for several hours. you're my stubborn moments in time where i know im wrong, but i'll still fight. you're the image of precious gifts i buy despite being shy, to express my love.
gemini/3h sun: you’re days of endless conversations, where there seems to be no end in the best possible ways. you’re moments of self realization, times when self discovery is at its best. you are what it feels to be learning new ideas from someone else, a fresh perspective when you’re so introspective. you’re my best friend in moments i needed someone the most.
cancer/4h sun: you’re the feeling of listening to my favourite music from several years ago. the remnants of innocence i still carry as child, a memory so distant it almost feels like a dream. the sounds of happy chatter amongst loud clatter. you're the comforting hug from a mother, that friend that says everythings all right. you're the reassurance in times of doubt.
leo/5h sun: you're my warm summer's day spent looking at art pieces on display. an appreciation card filled with love and adoration, crafted with much consideration. you’re the epitome of loyalty, a light of positivity. the true embodiment of confidence, a genuine compliment given at random. you’re the feel good moments in life when giant smiles are shared amongst us.
virgo/6h sun: you’re long conversations of areas i want to improve in life, where we share each others plans and feel that surge of motivation to be better when we’re with each other. you’re those moments in life people consider mundane, but i call it comfort. a cup of freshly brewed tea and a lingering scent of lavender laundry detergent.
libra/7h sun: you're my days of self care, and a genuine breath of fresh air. you’re what i imagine gentle smiles in a crowd full of people, a charming stranger one hopes to meet again but never will. you're what ideal relationships seem like, the genuine thought of falling in love. a star amongst the dozen, one that shines brightest although all so similar.
scorpio/8h sun: you’re the embodiment of deep conversations held between two lovers. a secret kept for eternity maintaining sweet serenity. you’re the deepest depths of my mind meant for no one, a sweet indulgence made for someone. you’re a puzzle to be uncovered, but only by those you allow to discover.
sagittarius/9h sun: you're my late night drives blasting music without a care. the feeling of an impending adventure, the type of conversations with friends people would have to censor. you're the embodiment of luck and an absurd memory of winning a green duck. fun is wherever you go and that’s something you’ve always known.
capricorn/10h sun: you’re moments in life where all eyes are on you, centre of attention without meaning to. you’re the embodiment of authority and chic elegance, an air of admiration others fawn over from afar. a moment of silent confidence and unwavering determination. you’re the taste of sweet satisfaction among bitter hearts.
aquarius/11h sun: you're my outta pocket conversations held between friends i'll treasure forever, sounds of undistinguishable cackles-borderline cries. you're my otherworldly discoveries in the deep depths of my mind, the feeling of insanity in a crowd full of none. a scientific discovery meant for humanity, a founder of innovation among your collections.
pisces/12h sun: you’re my iridescent hope in a room full of despair, my childish inner thoughts in a world full of adults. you’re impossible to grasp, an illusion i dream. you’re the image of the moon glimmering over an watery scene. you’re who sirens fail to imitate at night, because you’re just so one of a kind. a piscean child, neptune’s pride. a sweet daydream during my loneliest of nights.
© soleius 2023 all rights reserved. do not copy, paste or repost my content anywhere. reblogs are fine :)!
#astro community#astrology#astro placements#aries sun#taurus sun#cancer sun#gemini sun#leo sun#virgo sun#libra sun#scorpio sun#sagittarius sun#capricorn sun#aquarius sun#pisces sun#sun throughout the houses#1st house sun#2nd house sun#3rd house sun#4th house sun#5th house sun#6th house sun#7th house sun#8th house sun#9th house sun#10th house sun#11th house sun#12th house sun
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Good morning, lovely lady! I'm very sorry to bother you again!
I have a little request if you find the time :)
I'm going through some stuff in my life atm that's really getting me down, so I need as much escapism as possible! 😅
*******
So after Hogwarts, MC and everybody went their separate ways. She hasn't seen Sebastian for years, but occasionally, they talk via owl. I'm thinking that Seb went on and got a really exciting job where he could travel and explore? Maybe MC got some kind of job at the Ministry that was a little less exciting?
Anyway, MC ends up meeting a handsome man at the office she works at, and he courts her before proposing to her. She says yes, even though she still harbours deep feelings for Sebastian, but she hasn't seen him for literally years.
At first, the fiance is really nice and kind, but he's been wearing her down little by little. A bit controlling. MC feels she's becoming quiet and docile.
There's a Hogwarts reunion in Hogsmeade and MC reunites with everyone. Sebastian attends, and there's still this literal connection between him and MC. They chat, and she introduces him to her fiance, whom Seb dislikes very much. He sees how they interact with each other and is furious.
Seb corners MC later in the night, after a few drinks, and tells her her fiance is an ass. That he's draining her spark. MC is angry at Seb, but there's so much sexual tension between them. Queue elicit affair-y smut between them.
Maybe fiance discovers and tries to drag MC away, but Sebs having none of it? Meh, Im rambling now, but you get the idea 😅❤️
Thank you for the Ask! 💜 I hope this meets your expectations...I got rather into it, so it's quite long!
Emotional/Fluffy/Spicy ❤️🥰🌶
Sebastian Sallow x F!MC x OC William Bennett
Dearest MC,
I hope this letter finds you well. How is London? I hear the weather has been very hot this summer. I can only imagine the assault on the senses a bustling city like London conjures in such heat.
As for me, I have spent three weeks in Italy, and it is beautiful, rich with history. You would have loved the library archives with its relics. It made me think of you and our times together. I wish you could have seen it. Currently, I am making my way back to England, stopping off to meet with Ominis, before returning to Feldcroft.
I hear there is a reunion of our old class mates in Hogsmeade at the end of the month. All being well with my journey, I hope to make it and see everyone. It will be nice to reunite with old faces and hear new tales. Are you attending? It would be lovely to see your face again. If I am lucky enough to attend, then I hope to see you there.
Be well. I miss you, as always.
Yours,
Sebastian.
The parchment was beginning to curl at the edges, she had read it so many times. MC smoothed the tip of her finger over Sebastian's name, signed by his own hand, and felt a weight settle heavily over her chest. His letters were few and far between, but each one woke up the most secret part of her heart. That special place where she kept her feelings for Sebastian curled up tight.
MC had not seen Sebastian for years, not since he had left to travel the world for his new job, leaving her behind to sit at a stuffy Ministry desk all day. She cherished every letter he sent, but her deepest desire was to see him, to hear his voice. It tightened her throat just to think of it.
"Darling, are you here?"
MC jumped at the sound of William's voice and quickly folded the parchment, tucking it away safely inside her blouse. She smoothed her hair and set her face into one of calm sweetness, William did hate it if she didn't look pleased to see him.
She grabbed the pile of files from her desk that needed to be stored and stood up, making herself look busy as William appeared in her office doorway. He looked dapper in his fine suit, top hat in hand, his coat over one arm. He smiled, blue eyes lighting up at the sight of her. "There you are, my love," he said. "Care for some lunch?"
"Of course," she said. She patted the files. "Do I have time to file these?"
He looked at the folders, a slight frown on his lips. "If you must. I will be glad to see the day when you no longer have to be messing about with old, dusty archives."
"It's not so bad," she replied. She attempted a smile, trying to please him. "I quite enjoy it. When I was at Hogwarts..."
"Yes, yes, I know," he said, waving a hand to brush away her words. He moved to tug the files from her arms and dump them on her desk. "Soon you will not need to worry about such things. You will have social events to attend, girlfriends to have afternoon tea with. As my wife, you will want for nothing, I promise you. No need to sit at a desk all day wasting your time with your nose stuck in a book."
He chuckled and shook his head, fetching her coat from the hook. "Honestly, women who read!" He clicked his tongue and held the coat up for her. "I thought we would lunch at that lovely place near the river we like."
"Of course," she agreed. "Whatever makes you happy, my dear."
His smile was satisfied as he took her arm and led her out of the office. She kept her head down and her smile polite, nodding and saying all the appropriate words as they walked from the Ministry towards their restaurant.
Behind this meek mask, her heart was twisting at the feel of Sebastian's letter against her breast. How had she let her old life slip so far through her fingers? How had she ended up so lost?
She tightened her hold on her fiancé's arm, thinking that he might be the only thing holding her up right now. Handsome William Bennett, heir to a railroad fortune, deep in favour with the Minister for Magic, and admired by many. He had charmed her, courted her relentlessly, and then he had proposed. It had been the bottom of a long, lonely, slippery slope and she had accepted.
The huge diamond glittered on her finger, but her heart felt dull, empty. Somehow MC had lost herself and she wasn't sure how to get herself back.
....*....
The train slowed to a stop at Hogsmeade Station and MC stepped from her carriage, hand in William's as he escorted her, the image of the perfect gentleman. Behind his polite demeanour, he was quietly seething. He had not wanted to make this trip, but had refused to allow her to travel alone. It was unbecoming for a young woman, he had lectured. So, despite his disdain, he had accompanied MC.
The Scottish Highlands were looking as beautiful as ever and MC took a deep breath, her eyes drinking in the familiar sights. She felt some of the weight lifting from her heart. It felt like coming home.
The next port of call was The Three Broomsticks. William had reserved two rooms for them.
"We could, of course, share a room," he murmured, near her ear. She felt herself clam up, her fingers clutching his arm a little tighter. He mistook the movement for something a little more desirable and brushed his fingers over her knuckles. "We will be wed come the winter, it wouldn't be the most terrible thing to share a bed, and you could almost say it is a romantic setting."
He gestured at the quaint little village, his eyes warming with desire as he gazed down at her. "I would love nothing more than for you to come to me at night, share my bed."
She flushed and lowered her gaze. William was handsome, to be sure, and MC had shared kisses with him, polite courting touches. But there was no fire there, no burning need to feel him closer. Waiting for marriage was an excuse, and one that would soon be void. MC didn't want to think on it.
"I...I'm not sure if that's entirely appropriate," she said, quickly. "This is a close knit community, people talk. We should wait until we are married, William. It's the right thing to do."
William's lips tightened in disappointment, but he nodded, regretfully removing his caress from her hand. "Of course, my love. Seperate rooms it is."
MC fought back her shiver of relief.
That evening, dressed in a dark green dress with silver threading in the bodice (not in the hope of impressing a certain Slytherin, of course), MC entered the bar of The Three Broomsticks. Her corset was tight, but she was breathless for a whole other reason. Tonight, she might see him. Sebastian might have come.
"MC!" Poppy came bounding out of nowhere, cheeks flushed with happiness, her hands clasping MC's tightly. "Oh, I am so glad you came!"
The girls embraced and MC felt the burn of tears as her old friend squeezed her tightly. "I have missed you, Poppy. And look at you! So beautiful!"
William frowned at such open displays of affection, but he was polite when introduced. MC couldn't help but see the flicker of confused disappointment in Poppy's eyes at the word, fiancé. MC fixed her smile in place and moved to greet the others.
Garreth and Leander were there, Natty and a few others MC was pleased to see, but her eyes couldn't help but stray to the entrance, her heart hoping for a glimpse of unruly brown hair.
William was bored, his face a little sour as he stood by the bar. He watched MC closely, frowning when Garreth and pulled her in for a hug. MC had soothed William with soft touches on the arm, reassuring smiles, but she was tense, afraid of doing or saying something wrong. If only he had let her come alone. If only she could breathe.
And then the doors opened, two men walked through, and MC's heart dropped, stilled and then soared, beating a mile a minute. Ominis looked so dashing, and tall, commanding the space around him as his wand led him further into the bar. Beside him, as always, was Sebastian.
"Oh," MC breathed. The sound escaping her lips without any thought for hesitation. Oh, but he looked so wonderful! Better than she had ever imagined!
Sebastian's face had lost it's smooth roundness of boyhood, but it had filled out in other ways, ways that made MC's mouth feel so very dry all of a sudden. His shoulders, his hips, the length of his legs, the way he laughed at something Ominis had just said, his head falling back just so. Her starved eyes gobbled it all, hungrily. He pushed long fingers into his hair, rumpling the brown locks and MC felt her hands clench into tiny little fists. Oh, how her fingers longed to do the same.
She thought she might cry, faint like some over dramatic socialite, or maybe just lose the entire contents of her stomach right here in front of everyone. Butterflies were flipping madly in there and she pressed a hand to her chest, that heavy tightness seeming to become a pounding thud. Or was that her heart?
"Goodness me, is that the youngest Gaunt boy?" William asked.
Ominis was hardly a boy any longer, and would no doubt frown at the term, but William could be pompous and irritating at times. He had a habit of behaving as if people were below him, and MC wondered how it had not bothered her sooner.
MC tore her gaze from Sebastian to nod at him. "Yes, Ominis Gaunt," she replied. Her words were a little breathless, her eyes desperate to return to Sebastian. "I thought I had told you I attended Hogwarts alongside him."
William's gaze was sharp, almost irritated. "You did not. You must introduce me, MC."
"Of course," she agreed. She took William's arm and they moved to join her two favourite Slytherin boys at the bar.
Sebastian's gaze fell on MC and he stilled, pure delight washing over his features. "You came!" He exclaimed.
Ominis stilled beside him, his head tilting a little in the direction Sebastian had spoken. His words were soft, filled with warmth. "Don't tell me MC is here?" He smiled and held out a hand. "Then I must greet her at once. Where are you, my dear, for I have missed you a good deal."
MC flushed and held out her hand, placing it in Ominis', who then placed a gentle kiss on the back of it. William watched the whole thing, his mouth tightening at the familiarity between his fiancé and the young Mr Gaunt.
Sebastian was watching too, his eyes only for MC, as if he needed to savour detail as she had of him.
"Ominis, may I introduce my fiancé, William Bennett?" She guided Ominis towards William who shook his hand in greeting.
"Bennett?" Ominis asked. "Of the Bennett Railroad family?"
"The very same," William said, proudly.
Sebastian's eyes at darkened at this introduction, his eyes now assessing William closely, his lips thinning a little. Ominis turned to introduce him, and while William was polite, he had no interest in Sebastian. He was more keen to speak with Ominis, to rub shoulders with a well known Wizarding family.
William looked down at MC. "Why don't you run along and chit chat with your little chums, my love, and let the men talk."
Sebastian's eyes widened, his eyebrows shooting upwards as he glanced between William and MC. A flush darkened MC's cheeks and she nodded meekly, unable to even meet Sebastian's gaze. If she had, she would have seen the shock in his eyes at her timid behaviour. The girl he knew would have been spitting fire if someone had belittled her like that.
MC left William to talk to Ominis, every fibre of her being trying to resist as she turned her back on Sebastian. It hadn't been enough, not nearly enough, and she almost gasped at the need to be nearer to him.
They sat for dinner, William dominating Ominis' attention, but he kept a possessive hand at MC's arm or lower back at any given opportunity. When they ordered, MC had quite fancied the chicken, but William ordered the beef for the both of them, not even consulting MC to see if that's what she wanted.
MC risked a glance towards Sebastian and swallowed at the fury in his eyes as he glared at William. Her heart pounded. Shame made her gaze drop to her lap, her fingers twisting her napkin. She felt like an outsider imposing in on her own body. Her very ears rung with the horror of losing her own sense of self.
She looked at the people sitting around the table, chatting, laughing, her own lips moving and attempting to smile, but it felt strange. Her heart craved all of this, these familiar and much loved faces, but her head was warped. She felt trapped.
The only thing that helped was the wine, and even that had been chosen and poured for her by William.
Poppy clasped her arm after they had finished their meal. She leant across to William. "I am going to steal your lovely fiancé for a time, we have some much needed girl talk to catch up on."
A crease appeared on his brow as he stared at Poppy, then he glanced across the table towards Sebastian, who was deep in conversation with Garreth. Slowly, he nodded. "Of course, you two ladies have fun."
Poppy led MC away from the table and outside into the cooling evening air. MC gulped down her breaths and held on to Poppy, grateful for the escape.
Sebastian may have been talking to Garreth, but he had been keeping an eye on MC all night, his fury mounting at the way that pompous bastard had belittled and shamed her. His fingers ached from the need to smash his fist into the prick's pretty face.
Poppy pulled a hip flask from her silk bag and held it out to MC. "Here, you look like you could do with some of this."
MC saw the flask. "That had better be fire whiskey," she said.
"What else?" Poppy grinned.
MC took the bottle and swallowed two long gulps, gasping, but relishing the burn as it went down.
"Why him, MC?" Poppy asked, bluntly. "Why William?"
MC shrugged. "He was kind to me."
Poppy frowned. "That is no reason to sign yourself up to marriage with him," she said. "I mean, you don't look yourself, not a happy, blushing bride in the slightest. And, yes, he is pretty, but he is no Sebastian, MC. Not by a long stretch."
MC gaped. "Wh...what?"
Poppy gave her look. "Oh, MC, really? We're not kids anymore, and you are not fooling anyone, especially me. The tension between you two is so thick, you could slice it with a good Diffindo!"
MC's blush touched the tips of her ears. "Do you think William has noticed?"
"If he hasn't, then he is even more of a fool than I thought."
MC stared at her. Horror was one emotion tugging at her. The very idea of William knowing the depth of her feelings for Sebastian was chilling. But she could also see the ridiculous predicament she had found herself in, and it really was one of her own making. But how would she get out of it?
Maybe it was the alcohol going to her head, or maybe she was going mad. Either way, she started giggling, and then she couldn't stop. And then Poppy was giggling. It felt good, so good. It was a release and MC seized it with both hands. She held up the fire whiskey. "I think I need some more of this."
....*....
The air inside the bar was becoming too suffocating and her corset felt like an iron band. MC was flushed from the whiskey, hot and flustered by the presence of one Mr Sallow, and yet he still wasn't close enough for her liking.
She met his gaze for about the 100th time and he smiled, a delicious, sinfully beautiful smile. Her lips parted. Oh, Merlin. She really might faint this time. And then he was moving towards her. Her pulse picked up the pace and she wiped sweaty palms against her hips.
William was visiting the bathroom, there was no other distraction, and then Sebastian was in front of her. "There you are," he said, softly. His gaze was warm. "Finally, a moment alone."
"Yes," she breathed. She stared at him, inwardly kicking herself. Yes? Is that really all she could say?
A torrent of unspoken words hung between them, suspended, dangling like tempting fruit. Now that he was right there, in front of her, her tongue seemed frozen and all she could do was stare.
A flicker of concern clouded his eyes. "I did worry a little when you didn't reply to my last letter. I had hoped you would be here, even if just to ease my mind that you were alright."
"I'm sorry," she said. "That was rude of me. But, I am glad to see you here. I am glad you made it safely home."
He nodded, a small smile on his lips, but he still looked concerned. "I didn't expect to find you engaged, though. That was a surprise. At least you have someone looking out for you, if that's what he actually does?"
Her lips tried to lift into a smile, but she had never been able to lie to him. The words that fell from her lips felt stilted, wrong. "I'm fine."
His eyes narrowed a little. "You are happy, aren't you? I mean, it's what you want."
She knew what he meant, oh she did. He knew her better than she knew herself, even though miles and time had kept them apart. She needed to smile and nod, the perfect little puppet she had become, tell him that she was happy, she was fine. Her life was all roses and smiles, etc, etc.
Her lips parted but nothing came out. His eyes dropped to her mouth, distracted by their movement and nerves made her tongue dart outwards, flicking over her bottom lip. Her breathing stalled at the way his eyes darkened, a fire building behind them, and her traitorous body responded. Flame, searing and coiling deliciously, overwhelmed her and she actually gasped, because she was leaning forward. Her body, like a magnet, was drawn to him, impossibly drawn to where it belonged.
Shock at the realisation made her straighten and she pressed trembling fingers to her cheeks. Where she belonged!
Merlin, she couldn't breathe. She turned on her heel and made a dash for the door, not caring who saw as she grabbed up the skirt of her dress and headed out into the fresh air.
Of course, Sebastian followed. Hadn't he always?
He caught up to her, took her arm, and spun her to face him. "Please...don't." She gasped.
He didn't let go. She looked down at where his long fingers held her forearm, not gripping her, just holding her. No possession, no demand, just a touch. Her lips trembled.
"I've seen you face countless monstrous enemies, take down the darkest wizards and slaughter trolls in broad daylight," he said. "But I have never seen you cower, or hide as much as you have tonight, MC, and it rips me open. It kills me to see you so, a shadow of your former self. How did this happen? Is it him? Does he hurt you?"
"Of course he doesn't hurt me! Don't be ridiculous."
"You're aren't happy though, are you? Not really," he pushed.
Her chest heaved against the tight laces of her corset, tears stinging the backs of her eyes. He was right, gods he was right and she hated it, because it meant she was wrong, she had failed.
"I...we shouldn't be talking like this..." She glanced around the now darkened street.
Sebastian's face tightened. "Why? Because dear William won't like it?"
She flinched.
He tugged her a little closer. She let him, her eyes glued to his. "Well, I don't give a flying fuck what he thinks."
A small cry left her lips as he grasped her hand and began to walk her away from the entrance of the pub, his stride determined. She had to jog to keep up, her little heels clacking on the cobbles, her other hand lifting the hem of her dress.
He took her to a darker, more secluded corner, and a thrill shot through her despite everything. She found herself backed up against a stone wall, his face inches from hers. He leant a hand against the wall near her head, his other hand coming up to gently cup her face. She closed her eyes, the touch of his skin against hers a forbidden flame.
Merlin, she was leaning into it!
"Tell me the truth," he begged. "Tell me he makes you happy, and I will leave you alone, I promise. But if he doesn't, even if there is the smallest doubt, then tell me. You can tell me."
"Sebastian..." Her voice was a whisper, a plea. "Don't..."
"I cannot bare the thought of leaving you with him if he is going to continue to crush you like he is, because that girl I knew at school, that wonderful, fiercesome girl, who knocked me on my arse on my first day...that girl is going to die if you let him bully you like that."
She stared up at him. Her heart hurt. Maybe she was already dead inside and that was why she had let things slide so far.
He looked down suddenly, and she followed his gaze. Her breath stilled. When had her fingers threaded themselves into his clothing? She was grasping the front of his vest, a fistful of cloth under white knuckles. She couldn't let him go either. If she let him go, then she might just float away, lost to the skies, a drifting ghost of herself.
Their gazes met again. How she had missed those eyes!
"Don't look at me like that." His voice was rougher, deeper, an edge to it that made her skin erupt with goosebumps.
"Why not?" She was playing with fire. She was going to burn herself.
"Because it makes me want to throw decency out the window, and kiss you until I can't breathe," he said, darkly.
Oh, she was definitely going to burn. She realised she didn't care.
The fingers curled in his vest pulled him closer until his lips were a breath from hers. "Do it," she sighed. "I can't breathe anyway."
The moan in her throat was relief. His lips found hers, a soft, teasing taste that promised so much more. Eagerly, she welcomed him, parting her lips and offering her tongue, the taste of him more intoxicating than any fire whiskey.
Her fingers found their way into his hair, sliding through the softness, and it sharpened the ache growing within her. Her body pressed up against his, the solid length of his frame so safe, but exciting. Their clothing was an irritating barrier, her skin screamed to feel his, like she wouldn't feel complete until she could wrap herself around it.
"Gods, MC..." He groaned, his mouth moving to taste her jaw, her throat, his tongue swirling up to flick against her ear. Her grip in his hair tightened. Yes, this was what she wanted, what she craved.
MC closed her eyes, savouring the feel of his lips on her neck, his mouth sucking, tasting her flesh. The warmth of his hand seared through the silk of her dress at her waist, the bones of her corset stressed under the pace of her breathing. "More," she panted. "Sebastian..."
He claimed her mouth again, his hips rocking against her, her back scraping against the stone of the wall. She smoothed a hand down the expanse of his back, melting at the flex of muscle, before drifting lower, daring a squeeze of his delicious backside.
"Fuck," he breathed. The profanity sent a crackling thrill through her, and she moaned. Yes, she would love to do that, craved it even.
He began moving his mouth downwards again, lower this time to swirl his tongue against the tops of her breasts, the flesh moving rapidly above the rim of her corset with every panting breath. His fingers tugged at the damned thing. "I need more of you," he muttered.
And she would give it, gladly, she realised. A pin slid from her hair, a long lock tumbling free to tickle against her flushed cheeks. She was lost, drunk on his kisses, his touch, and it was nowhere near enough. She felt like a woman starved.
A rustle of silk, cool air against her legs and then a warm hand smoothing up the flesh of her thigh. The sound that left her throat was almost feral. "Yes, yes," she panted. She grabbed at him, fingers tugging his shirt free from his trousers, a hand sliding up underneath to explore the hot, firm flesh waiting for her there.
She ached for his touch, her thighs trembled in anticipation as he slid his hand higher. Just a bit more, she begged silently, her eyes squeezed tight. Just a bit higher. His finger tips grazed against damp silk, and then he was gone, ripped from her clutches forcefully, and someone was shouting.
"How dare you!" William held Sebastian by the scruff of his neck, shaking him, fury twisting his face into something terrible, frightening even. "How dare you lay your hands on my fiancé!"
MC was gasping, her hair in disarray, her skirts caught up revealing a bare leg. Red marks of passion bloomed on her throat and chest, all the way down to her neckline. Her legs shook, not from fear, but from a need unmet.
"William!" She held out a hand for him to stop, the other hand hastily smoothing down her skirts. "Stop, William!"
Sebastian shook himself free of William easily enough, shoving him backwards and whipping out his wand. He aimed it at William, his lip curled. "Grab me like that again and you'll know about it!"
William pulled his own wand out, eyes narrowed. A stand off. William flicked his gaze towards MC and his fury faltered, his mouth gaped at the sight of her so dishevelled. "MC..."
She smoothed the loose strands of her mussed hair back from her face, the beginnings of a flush flooding her cheeks. She kept her hand held out, stepping between both men. "Lower your wands," she said. She looked at William. "Please."
"I think not," William said. "He dares to put his hands on you, violating you in such a way. I ought to castrate him for this!"
"I'd like to see you try," Sebastian spat. He adjusted his stance.
"Stop it, both of you!" MC had thought herself in a mess before, but this, this was something else.
"I knew it! I knew he was going to do something like this, just from the way he was watching you at dinner. His eyes never left you," William growled. "Disgusting, loathsome piece of trash. You are not worthy of her!"
MC gasped, her body moving to guard Sebastian. He was more than capable of looking out for himself, but she couldn't help it. Out of the two, she would jump in front of Sebastian first. Every time.
"Did he hurt you? I've a good mind to call an Officer to deal with this," William said. He was trying to aim his wand around her at Sebastian, outrage twisting his mouth.
He thought Sebastian had attacked her! It had not occurred to William that she had been willing. MC put her hands to her forehead. Oh, Gods, this was getting worse!
"There will be no need for an Officer," she said. She backed up towards Sebastian.
"Don't be ridiculous, MC," William snapped. "Now, step out of the way and let me deal with this filthy heathen."
MC went calm. She straightened, her eyes growing hard as an old fire awoke in her, the part of her that had been a fearless fighter. She backed up further still, her hands feeling for Sebastian and he took hold of one, his wand arm coming over her shoulder, still pointing at William.
William's eyes bulged as Sebastian wrapped his other arm about her waist, holding her against him. "What is this!?"
"Lower your wand," she said, coldly.
William hesitated, torn, but lowered his wand. "MC, you better start explaining this," he said. He looked from her to Sebastian, to the way Sebastian's arm held her protectively. "Did you let him touch you like that?"
William looked horrified, disgusted. MC felt a brief flash of shame, but shook it off. "I'm sorry, William," she said, calmly. "But, yes, I did."
William's jaw clenched. He stared at her, his humiliation playing out across his face. She swallowed. And then, William looked a little smug. "What will this do to your reputation?" He spoke with an oily undertone. "Oh dear, MC, rutting with a nobody in the street. Of course, how could I marry such a harlot? Your name will be a shameful piece of gossip whispered in parlour rooms. I expect it would be highly unlikely that the Minister would appreciate such behaviour. Such a shame to lose your pathetic little job over it too."
"You wouldn't," she gasped.
Sebastian moved his mouth closer to her ear, the warmth of his breath brushing her hair gently. "Let me take him," he whispered. "It would be my pleasure."
And he could do it, she knew he could. She had seen him kill before, just as he had seen her kill. She had covered for him, lied, to save him from Azkaban. She did not make that choice only to see him sent there anyway, and for her honour.
William shook his head in distate. "You would honestly choose him, over me?"
Her hand gripped Sebastian's arm, holding it against her stomach. "I love him," she said. There was no doubt, no faltering in her words. It was the truth at last. "I always have, ever since I was a girl."
She heard, and felt, Sebastian's breath hitch, and his arm tightened around her. She hoped with every fibre of her being that he felt the same way, otherwise she was making a monstrous fool of herself.
William flinched at her confession as if she had slapped him. He rubbed a hand over his face, shaking his head, and then his wand flicked upwards, a spell shooting from the end of it. His face pure rage.
But, Sebastian was ready. He blocked the spell with ease, and cast Bombarda in return, sending William flying across the street into a stack of crates. The crash echoed across the cobbles and MC gasped. "Sebastian!"
"It's alright, I've got you," he said. "I've got you."
She sagged against him. "Don't let me go," she whispered.
And then the world spun, blackness, and with a pop, they landed onto a wooden floor. MC sat up, disoriented, gazing around. Her stomach still catching up with her after Apparating.
She turned to look at Sebastian. She recognised where they were. It was his cottage in Feldcroft.
She was sitting on the floor with Sebastian, in his home, just the two of them. She had admitted that she loved him. The weight in her chest had lifted. The enormity of the whole evening crashed over her and the tears gathered in her eyes. Her lips trembled, and then she was sobbing.
Immediately, Sebastian pulled her into his arms, kisses rained down over her hair, her face. His lips kissed the tears from her cheeks and his hands soothed her, calming strokes on her arms and hair. "It's alright, you're safe here," he murmured. "You never have to go back there, to him. It's alright now."
She pulled back to look at him, her hand moving to his cheek. It was real. He was real. "You were gone," she sobbed. "You left and I thought I might never see you again."
His face was pained, his eyes regretful. "I had to leave, get away from this house. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
She buried her face into his shirt, clutching him tightly. "I can't believe you're really here."
"I would have taken you with me if...if I had known..." He faltered and took a breath. He leant his chin on top of her head. "Did you mean what you said back there?"
She nodded. "Every word."
He groaned, squeezing her tighter. "Gods, the time we have lost. Years apart...I should have taken you with me."
She looked up at him. "We still have time," she said. She hesitated. "We could have the rest of our lives."
Their gazes locked. "I've always loved you," he said. "I thought it was only in my dreams that you felt the same way."
She shifted up and put her forehead against his. She huffed a laugh. "We're both as bad as each other. Ominis was right, we are a right pair of idiots."
"I won't tell him you said that, he would be far too smug," Sebastian grinned.
He took her left hand and pulled the huge diamond from her ring finger. "Let's get rid of this shall we?"
"I should return it," she mused.
"Not in person you won't," he said, firmly. He twirled the ring thoughtfully. "Wait here."
He climbed to his feet and moved towards a chest in the corner. He rummaged through it until he found a small box and returned to kneel on the floor beside her. He flipped the lid and turned it to face her. "This was my mother's," he said.
MC looked at his face, surprised to see him looking so shy. She couldn't recall a time she had ever seen Sebastian shy. Then, she looked in the box. Inside was a silver ring set with a pretty emerald, a tiny diamond each side of it.
"It's not as big as the one you were wearing," Sebastian said.
"It's beautiful," she said immediately. And it was. Not flashy, not heavy, not a statement. Beautiful, and sentimental to him.
"Would you wear it?" He asked. She met his gaze, lips parted. "As my wife."
He honestly had to stop stealing her breath like this, it really couldn't be healthy for a girl.
He smirked, his eyes playful. "You could come and see the world with me. I think it might look even more beautiful with you beside me."
She smiled. "How can I say no to that?"
"Quite easily," he said. "But I would rather you said yes."
She looked down at his mother's pretty ring and held out her hand, fingers spread a little. "I suppose you had better make sure it fits then."
His fingers shook as he took the ring from the box and slipped it on to her finger. Of course, it was a perfect fit. He smiled. "It's like it was waiting for you."
She took hold of his shirt front, fingers gripping hold of him like she had back in Hogsmeade. "Now, where were we?" She asked.
His lips curved into that delicious smile she loved so much. "Allow me to refresh your memory," he said.
His mouth claimed hers as if he never intended to stop, and she didn't want him to. Ever.
Click HERE for part 2
#hogwarts legacy fanfic#sebastian sallow#mc x sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanfiction#hogwarts legacy#blueraineshadows
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Hey, so im not sure about how does it works the anon thing lol. Do we all the people in asks need to rizz you up? I have never tried this before, to act as a secret fan, being in the shadows begging for the light, but i'll respond honestly and well... try that too.
You seem creative, i would dig to see what other shenanigans you have in you. We can only be shells of our own imagination, but we are also sincere with what we share in this page. You are somewhere in this small world and please claim that space as yours, chiquilla. If you are here, you are worthy of this space, this air and this love... my deepest love, the most sincere i can give it's for you. I always thought that if you share what you are, even if you find it crazed, the people you call with your actions will be the ones that make you grow as a person. Recieve please these sincere words of love and feel the weight of them... there's so many people that love you, Tara. I hope you can choose me, and if not, it's alright. Just seeing the smile of your face will make my heart flutter.
[Ayy sorry if its too much!! >:0]
LOVE LETTER (CHALLENGER) #1
#musings#my art#self portrait#ask answered#answered#inbox#anon#spamton anon#love letter response#ALSO LOL RIZZ ME UP#ANON PLZ#You're thickening the plot ohoho#You dropped me no clues so I have no idea who you are!
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How can I know which of my friends are trusting enough for me to tell them Im a Werewolf?
Revealing your true selves is always a difficult mission, both for humans and creatures alike, finding that one person to open up to, be honest and true about who you are and what kind of person you are is something we all want, but it's sad how little we find these kinds of people.
Every person will have a different method of discovering if your friend is to be trusted with your deepest secret, however here is a few advices and ideas to try and figure that out:
1 - Treat lycanthropy like a special interest, watch movies and give information about Werewolves to the friend you wish to tell, and see how they react to it, see what they would do if they "hypothetically" met a Werewolf, play around with their thoughts and morals and figure out where they land.
2 - See if they like animals, specifically dogs, and if they have any allergies towards them and most especially, see if they are a good person around animals and if they are to be trusted around animals.
3 - Test your friendship with them. See how far they will go for you and see how much you mean to them in their life, which is the most important thing to know before you share one of your most deepest secrets. See how much they know about you, how much they will care, if they genuinely love and appreciate you and want to protect you
4 - Hypothetical questions, ask like a silly question like "hey what if by chance I was a werewolf" and see what they would say, depending on their answer, you know what if they are trust-worthy or not.
It's always a gamble, and you have to be prepared for the worst, but as long as you do enough research and follow your heart as much as you trust your friend, things should be OK for the both of you. Good luck!
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@disneyanddisneyships how it would be like dating my ocs (hehe)
Only like.. the story im writing and everything
Marianne
She'd be like the best gf ever.
Elizabeth tells u Marianne's deepest darkest secrets
Slight nsfw but if u kiss her bare back u go straight under the sheets idc idc
WOULD listen to you rant about literally anything. Rant about frogs and shit and it's better than anything she's ever heard her entire life.
She's a workaholic bc she's the heiress, so when she knows she can't spend time with you she writes you a handwritten letter instead.
Lets you proofread what she writes
I feel like she's both a morning bird and a night owl, so like when you wake up she'll be right there excited to hold you and at night, if you beg her to read one of her works, like-- pleaaaseee with a cherry on top, she does it until u fall asleep.
She likes to tease u. It's her way of showing u how comfortable she is.
She spoils you to death. If you asked her for McDonald's she'd buy the company.
Sometimes she judges herself too much, or think what she writes ain't good enough, so you hype her up.
Has the BIGGEST smile when you're around like are you kidding me? You make her the happiest girl in the world.
Lots of aftercare with this woman.
She would write you a poem, a letter, a whole book on why she loves you. Literally.
She's stubborn. When you fight abt something she somehow gets the upper hand most of the time.
She bites when doing the yk what
Secretly very thirsty and vocal (hehe)
She's a sucky cook so if she cooks for you pretend u like it
Elizabeth would yell "OH FOR FUCKS SAKE JUST KISS"
--squeals when you DO kiss.
She's such a boomer. Bear with her if she doesn't even know what "asdfghjkl" means.
In the modern world it's canon she plays candy crush, so it would take up a lot of her time
Gives u back massage
Her love language is words of affirmation.
Hope to god her mom ages out. Pls.
Damian
Has a lot of hyperfixations so if u listen to him rant about them he's a goner
Draws you little butterflies. He can't draw but he can try because he loves u
He would talk to u abt his mom a lot
Scenario: he would be sparring with Jake and as soon as he sees you?? Motivation = 📈📈📈📈
Speaking of Jake he's wondering "HOW THE FUCK DID HE PULL"
Don't be surprised if one day by some miracle he brings home a ferret. He loves ferrets.
You're a writer??? HE WILL analyze your book, or anything you write. He WILL proofread anything you write. He WILL give out honest opinion
The thing is he would lie sometimes. But like, only lie about if he fought a raccoon or something. Like he would lie to u about the secret stash of sweets, or if he threw heart shaped confetti in your room. But get this, he's a bad liar.
If your favorite color is green you have no right to break up with him. He has green eyes.
His love language is gift giving and quality time
A cuddly man. He wants to feel u physically every second of the day
"Hey can u write me something"
Plant nerd. Instant info-dump
Loves people of all body types. Thin? Smash. Plus sized? Smash. Chubby? Smash dear god. He's a lover AND a fighter.
Recommend him a book and he'll read it for you.
He's like a male version of Belle. So, he's academically smart. But emotionally very dumb.
Please don't mind this man being silly and a little childish at times. It's his way of showing he's healing his inner child with you..
Reassurance would never be a problem with him. He'll give you that before u realize you need it.
Severe abandonment issues.
Do you sing? Good luck. He's gonna keep bothering you to sing for him.
Also he's a choir kid.. you might even go for a "Fly Me To The Moon" duet.
HE needs insane amount of reassurance. Give him ALL OF IT.
He has big hands.. i think u know where this is going
"Is this okay?" While doing IT. AGSAGDASJJAKSAAJ
Elizabeth
She braids your hair.
A ball of sunshine, actually. She acts like a teenage girl with a massive crush around u
She needs kisses and you'll give her all of it.
She adores dancing so pls dance with her
Love language is physical touch.
You + her = PDA
She takes commissions from you but instead pay her with a date
She loves strawberries and sometimes you would pick strawberries together
"They listen to u rant--" bitch no. With Elizabeth? You rant TOGETHER.
"I love you more" competitions.
Marianne gives u a locket of Elizabeth
Ava loves you for her actually. You and Elizabeth would go visit the tavern and she would be like "EEEEEEEEEEE"
Cheesiest petnames beware.
Hold her as she tells you about her mommy issues.
"Slay the house boots down houston im deceased" "Liza, what language are you speaking?"
She loves idioms sometimes even no one gets it, and you kinda have to deal with it.
HAND HOLDING IS A MUST
Selene/ Lady May
Shes the most introverted person that has ever introverted. So indoor dates.
Love language is quality time
I feel like there would be more to her character.. so we'll see (free space)
Loves combing your hair
Would dedicate like 10 songs to you and you've just brushed your hand with hers
A hopeless romantic so she aint lettin u go
Family issues. So, her parents do not approve of you
Yest despite her family disapproving, you fight for her.
Only lets you touch her hair
Hates horror movies. She hides her face behind you a lot.
"Darling" is her petname for you.
She plays ukelele and sings to u often
Jake (I'm including him because I love him. Yes. I do. Despite what he pulled in the 2nd chapter. If u can love canon alistar then im allowed to love jake 😔)
Overprotective mf
Never lets u near damian
Pretty toxic lol
Only loves you. Literally. This man loves no one else lmao
Jealous guy
Simp
"Hold me im angry" "why what's wrong?" "Damian beat me at UNO"
You have to rlly empathize with this man. He has mental health issues
Communication issues. *runs from u*
Bad flirt but you love him anyways
You have to put up with his dark humor
Level 2-3 asshole around you, level 10 at everyone.
If you're shorter than him then he wont let u live a single day without letting you know "how the air up here feels like"
Love language is physical touch.
Nerfed Chaz Thurman.
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Hello! I saw your Valentine’s game and thought it would be fun! Could I get a Valentine from jjba, please?
Also, your art style is completely divine and I fangirled over it for like, an hour.
ME
Height: I don’t have an exact height for myself… but between 5’3 and 5’5 is about where I am
Appearance: My body is like Frankenstein. Someone just put a ton of random attractive features on me but they don’t work at all. So like, if someone was describing me the other person would think I’m really hot and then they meet me and I’m ugly. So I guess I’m attractive in theory.
Personality: My personality is all over the place lol. I love to learn more than anything and spend a lot of my time online reading and learning new things. I am very loyal to the people I care about which also makes me very blunt towards them because my least favorite thing in the world is dishonesty. Along with being blunt, I have a lot of strong opinions about a lot of things, especially when it comes to civil rights and mental health, and I will argue and fight for them for hours on end.
Red Flag: So I went through some crap as a kid, and as a result I developed some pretty bad coping mechanisms. Such as almost living completely in my head and my daydreams and anger issues. My anger issues only really come out when I really don’t like someone, and it’s more of an irritation than anger, but it will turn to anger really easily.
Love to me is completely understanding each other and still wanting to be around that person no matter what. Knowing a persons deepest darkest secrets and still wanting to spend the rest of your life solely with that person by your side and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Other: Im really creative and impulsive and most of the time people will find me randomly doing art or writing or just randomly doing something stupid.
MY VALENTINE
Preferred gender: any!
Polyamorous relationship: Acceptable!
Preferred height: any!
Preferred appearance: I don’t care!
Red flag: Cheating, dishonesty, etc.
Characters I don’t want: Joseph. I’m sorry. But he’s gonna cheat on me and I’m not dealing with that.
Thank you for doing this! And again, I absolutely adore your art style!
Hello, dear!
Thank you so much, your support guides me through the darker times of my life.
Now, would you look at this! Not one, not two, but three Valentines! And their names are... Jolyne, Anasui and Weather Report!
Let's start with Anasui, since he is my favorite and the easiest to explain. He loves you. He is obsessed, per usual, but his love is so genuine! He's ready and willing to accept you whole, your every flaw and imperfection is a thing he adores, your every glance makes his heart swoon. After you win his heart, you are meant to be his. And his other lovers!
Jolyne is so down for a loyal, affectionate and ever-present lover. She loves your intelligence as well, always amazed by what crosses your mind. And she loves your honesty, as she is honest with her loved ones as well.
And Weather Report... well, it's not hard to win his heart. Accept him, support him, offer him affection, and he'll respond with the very same love. He is extremely honest as well, would never lie to you (or pretty much anybody). And he relies on you intellect a lot. It helps him understand the world he lost with his memories.
I hope you liked your match-up!
Love,
Dr. True Love
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mayhaps...... Noel?!??!?!!?
(or Claire feel free to choose either 👍)
ill do./ um. bothj
NOEL NOELELEENEOEOLE
First Impression:
upon seeing this guy it just. man i was like well hes alreayd my favorite because i loved his smile so muc h itsso rpetty and his entire intorudcitonamde me laugh cuz it reminded me of a silly dating anime boy anmd i still think that..wh worst dating sim
but i knew there was something fucked up with hima ctually i could feel it in my heart and that was the main thing drawing me to him . idiot sandiwich
Impression now:
OHHH BELVOOEODDD hesstill my faovcrtire i think!! whenevr hes on screen i jsut absolutely die, most of the owrst nosies ive made was because of his sake he was an instant and goshskdh i really did not expec tall of that but yk. no regrets,, anyway im constantly stuck on throwing him in the deepest ocean or tucking him intoi the softest bed (ive become a lot more neutral on the characters noise but just oh noel
Favorite moment:
KILL MEEE THIS IS WITH ASHE. I JUST REALLY LOVED ALL OF THE MOMENTS WITH THOSE TWO JUST.. SO INTMERESINT ESP BC I WANTED TO MKNOW MORE ABT ASHE ESPEICLALY AND JSUT THE WAY ASHE FOUND HISMELF BIEING MORE HOENST WITH NOEL AND NOEL BEING SUCH A BEAM OF LIGHT IN A WAY THAT IT FEELS SO TIANETD AND JKHFEKHDFKHDEDHEJEHHAHAHHA "thank you asdhe" goodbye. i alos relaly enjoyed him pureheartedly enjoying listening to claire . made me space off a lil
do these count as noel moments...ohwell
Idea for a story:
I just want to see how fucked up he'd be without claire or if he ever did kill her. but i guess that wouldnt be noel. frustrating
Unpopular opinion:
what arehte popular opinions anyway??????
Favorite relationship:
im not sure now. but noelalshe is very interesting to me when done right and not exactly romantic a secret third thing .i want those fuckers spiraling tlaking to eahc other
Favorite Headcannon:
do you think he wears a miku binder
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i no longer feel a great sensation of sorrow and sadness. instead i am but an empty self. i feel so passionate in this idea that i exist as a most verified nothing when left alone, that i am afraid i should be unreal when in the presence of another. i feel horribly and sickly unknown. my skin feels secretive, and what is shared of my personhood a false imitation. and though i might claim a nausea over this humble concept of being unknown, i declare an even worse illness at the very hint that others may declare a semblance of knowledge over who i am. i feel but a stranger to you all. what have i dared be honest of? do you know that of which my mind is filled of when not spoken to? and what ails me in most agony, the simple feature that there is but not one individual who dare desire to know it.
its not that i feel that i may be a victim of preaching nor whining, but rather that i am a slave to useless talk. is that all i am, at a constant? useless talk?
i am a person, that much can be true. and human, i might forgive myself for it. i am only that of a body who yearns for affection and care and is met with violence, as most may be.
i would give whatever piece you sought to ask for, and for that i might be a true prisoner to humiliation. who have earned nothing from me but maybe a true brutality and despise, and yet i cannot manage to claw such sentiments even from the deepest caverns of my sorrow. i could scrape the very sides of these white-yellow bones and only find a shame. and shame, an emotion to oneself, unfortunately provides so little in what i should be feeling towards you.
a man in absolute. i stare at myself in the mirror whenever the light and time allows for it. if i could paint myself, i only wonder which body i would decide to design. if i could, i might be dishonest. but i suppose a liar i would be in either choice.
i dont understand much. like a baby i must be in this way, newborn with life and love. it seems i have become just shy of an adolescent despite my many years of being full with light.
im going to continue, i suppose. not with much vigor, though will a gentle lack of resistance. i do not wish to come forward, lest my very self only impose more blame. and i have suffered enough from that internal strife. at times, a human being must allow himself the very crumb of forgiveness as to not allow himself a true madness.
loving someone does not make them love you. and this fact, like all persons struggle in this world, might be a painful one. it is my time to no longer expose myself, and allow my vulnerabilities to be my own. in despite, forever in despite, in contradiction and in opposition. i will await the day you speak to me, though you have shared words little has been spoken. i will await for when you have something that earns a worth of my ears and seeping heart.
have you not stolen away enough? i only wonder if you will ever learn the warmth i have grown familiar with.
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Im fine
Its not like ive been setting myself up what feels like forever to both really and also i guess not at all always be in the cycle im in. The predestined fuck up ig my moms a fuck up
Im a fuck up
I cant stay a job apparently
I’m too scared of every if and but when it comes to trying it to be creative and do things like i used too, nowadays i feel like its tainted because im not even finna be doing it because i like it anymore, but instead just proving i didn’t give up, when i did
I was tired, emotionally drained, put in a position i nor anyone really asked for but guess whose grandparents this belonged to
Im not a fucking mistake or a right person wrong time
I am a nigga thats has been struggling and it was before you sure but everyone in the fuck ass house kept trauma bonding new and old covid didnt fucking help.
How the fuck are we fucking but aint no protection or immediate showers available
How am i toxic for not wanting what felt like more like a: fuck my poor ass boy friends and dementia ridden grandparents( and while its not anyones job to guide me if we in a relationship and you feel some way say some shit some how ) the weirdest ( but unfortunately not worst) living situation ive been in, the deepest most confusing, loving yet infuriating, real yet faux ass relationship ive had with anyone.
Like even now I physically am sick to my stomach about the idea or notion of again my ex, someone who has dumped me like at least twice since July and lowkey high key didnt even count it it was like a secret trial i failed because ofc im not sure of you actually love me mr. I tell the world you beat me but sure we can play minecraft
Fucking the part the gets me the most about this is i know you know how i feel and its just
I feel set up
Like genuinely not just the relationship shit
And im not gonna act like i dont play my role in shit and attribute a lot to the shit that get me and others where we are but jfc im tired
I’m not the brightest bulb but im not a fucking dumbass
And i did more than read the room, i saw the patterns, felt the vibe shifts, and tried so fucking hard.
Its sad whatever im pathetic but i think i knew without saying it (and even saying this it doesnt mean all the people out with then bc some are still here and we cool but fucking) My ex was the realest mf i had in my circle, and which is probably why its hard being like man aint no fucking way we went out like that. Im not for the see you in a few years shit, im not for the go fuck around like i aint give my heart, i was (am) a dumb nigga that went to to college before dropping out after missing all my classes so i could be attached virtually at the hip to them
Its not their fault and for years i didnt feel that at all.
But the second i saw that they felt like they wasted so much on me and this that whatever man my blood got to boiling on some seafood type shi
Its like
You can do evil
They can do evil
And be vindicated and justified in ya own right because in ya head this is just karma and you standing up for ya self and
Then its like i do evil snd immediately fold because i aint mean shi
Nigga got slammed by me 2 or three times
And everytime it was some bs
I let you convince i was being an ass for feeling threatened because " weight and height and muscle” but fucking niggas never care about perspectives
Yeah we are arguing
Yeah im loud, which is infuriating because my usual everyday speaking voice whether it because i subconsciously (now very actively) am aware of how loud i can be, is actually very quiet and i tend to have to repeat myself and even did to my ex because yeah
Fuck im so high man
Its been awhile since i ran out of actual medicine
Like i feel like ive said its been like two weeks for like a month now.
Now i gotta go through new everything, finding insurance, therapy, reassessments, medication changes, so much has happened and yet nothing has, i got fired today, i think, i mean i definitely got the text “Your assignment is finished do not return anymore” but this is the first temp agency really that ive been at , its just like
Like that?
Its kinda how sudden i end up either in or out of someones life, ex, family, friends
Sometimes i feel like ive been so many different me’s and am constantly “coming of age” (metaphorically speaking or in case thats ominous still, like i feel like i do in fact get older but do to circumstance, bad choices, and a lot of fuckening, i very much am learning alot of basic shit i shouldve known, or yes i am just now learning how to not be like donny on the wildthornberrys
I truly was happy and want to die everytime i think about how unhappy i made them
Make them
The wont miss me when i die because im alive and they surely dont is the thing i come back to whether wrong or not it is
Sometimes i cry about things i dont know are true bit definitely feel on my gut or for those in the loop my LN
You can keep my heart in dont want it anymore
I know realistically im bugging and i just feel bad and i need meds and yadayada yada
Im gonna be blunt with ya chief, im blowing my fucking brains out gn
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situationships be like im dissociating on ur couch at 7am and i haven’t slept meanwhile ur sleeping peacefully in ur bed in the other room. i’ll always be in love with u no matter how far away you move and how long it’s been since i’ve touched you. your lips are my favorite thing in this world. you’re my best friend and we’re just friends but then why were we cuddling and making out all night. u refuse to kiss me or touch me first bcuz u love me too much to lead me on or hurt me so i swear ur not leading me on or hurting me even tho that’s exactly what ur doing. i’ve written three full songs about you and dozens of other random scattered lyrics in my notes app. i love showing you my favorite movies. it’s my ex’s birthday but i’m here with u, the guy i told him not to worry about. ur all my therapist and mother and groupchat and diary and our other coworkers ever hear about. no one’s ever loved me like this before. what are we? i cried in front of you for the first time tonight. we said “i love you” for the first time tonight and i’m not sure if we meant as friends or more. i’m sleeping in ur hoodie. i’m a little tipsy and ur all i can think about. ur moving in two months and i will never miss anyone more. i’ll love u til my dying breath. i love how ur stubble feels on my face when we kiss. i miss the tiny bruises u left on my thighs when u pulled my body into urs. u still give me butterflies. i have a photo album of memes to send u. we’re each other’s #1 best friend on snapchat. ur why i always have a bottle of pheromone perfume on hand. casual by chappell roan is on repeat. i want to take you to the cemetery where i write all my songs about u. i’ve only ever taken one other person there before. u own my whole heart. the sun is coming up thru ur blinds and i still can’t sleep. my heart hurts. will u come with me when i get my ribcage tattoo? u look like my celebrity crush did in the 90s. i’m wearing ur favorite cow print hat while i write this. i eat every bite of food u make me when we close together even if i’m not hungry. we’re like the same person but also polar opposites. i think i knew u in another life in this same little town. we ruled this whole fucking city together. i think you’re my twin flame. i swear ur eyes look like the most beautiful eclipse i’ve ever seen whenever you look at me cuz ur pupils dilate so much. i can see how much u love me in ur eyes. i wanna cuddle u while we fall asleep but u say that’s too far. i told u some of my deepest secrets my second or third time ever meeting u. no one has ever gotten me off that fast. i wrote my first ever love song about you. i miss the way things were last christmas. i love hugging u in the parking lot at 3am. every song on superache reminds me of u (well besides family line). every song pete wentz wrote about mikey way reminds me of u. every song dodie wrote about jon cozart reminds me of u. tuesday is my favorite day of the week bcuz of u. i see us in every romance movie. i wanna get matching tattoos of our first inside joke of many. when will u want me to leave ur place tomorrow, well technically today? my therapist is in for an earful. the sky is the color of ur eyes. i love opals now bcuz they’re ur birthstone and they remind me of ur eyes. i love ur eyes. baby blue has replaced pink as my favorite color. i cried for two days straight when u accidentally unadded me on snapchat and then laughed my ass off with you when you apologized and told me it was a misclick. i hope ur 23rd birthday was ur favorite. i’ve never felt this way before. i’ll never look at the color crimson the same. we have the exact same myers briggs and enneagram type. my favorite memory is smoking a joint with you on ur back porch in my oversized ghostface tee from spencer’s, or maybe u going down on me. i would follow u to the west coast. what if we made a pact to marry each other if we’re both still single by the time i’m 30 haha just kidding. how do you feel about me? everything is so fucking bittersweet.
we’ll love each other til the earth stops spinning and the sun explodes. honestly? i think we could survive even that.
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rating 'fantasies' songs by their tlt vibes
recently i got really into this album and ive been listening to it nonstop and i got the urge to make this post so behold.
Help I'm Alive
we open with a BANGER. the whole heart motif beauty of existence thing is very tlt in general but "if we're still alive my regrets are few/if my life is mine what shouldnt i do" feels like it could be ntn cam+pal perhaps. 6/10 for general vibes not really going anywhere specific tho.
Sick Muse
i could see this as a convo between gideon and harrow. "pull your little arrows out an let me live my life" she WOULD say that about love... ily harrowhark necro'mancer nonagesimus lyctorway keep sticking your middle finger up at preps. but the main event is "all the blondes are fantasies/we looked at them eleven ways/you said look at me then looked away" like i dont even need to explain this one. YOU SAID LOOK AT ME THEN LOOKED AWAY the orpheus and eurydice the betrayal the hurt why wont you eat me please please consume me why are you saving me sorry one sec. ill shut up about greek myths now. 7.5/10 that one lyric saved it for me
Satellite Mind
this song is so strange and offputting it has to be about our favourite little bone nun <3 its givin htn harrow "i can feel you most when im alone" um the body the body the body "flashback of a feeling/sixth sense of a calling" its the love! that they couldnt take away!! 6/10 because i think that the dreamy freaky what the fuck is happening are suuuuper htn however the actual lyrics arent super close
Gold Guns Girls
i want this song to be about ianthe tridentarius soooooo bad... i want it to be about our favourite perpetually thirdweeling failgirl so much... like ive never wanted anything else ever oh my GOD... "i remember when you were gambling to win/everybody else said better luck next time" underestimated at canaan house anyone? anyone at all? no takers?? no??? 3/10 because despite my deepest wishes this is just a good song thats not about gay catholic homestuck 😔
Gimme Sympathy
slightly ironic gtn griddlehawk at its finest. "get hot/get too close to the flames" oops! now ur her cavalier "wild open space" gideon-gettin-shocked-by-days-on-earth-emotional.png "talk like an open book" not with that vow of silence. idiot. "sign me up!" shes not signed up haha "ill remember someday all the chances we took" not after the lobotomy u wont lol "we're so close to something better left unknown" cough cough LYCTORHOOD. 9/10 manifesting kiriona giving harrow sympathy after all of this is gone in alecto
Collect Call
hiii ntn fans i prommy i didn’t forget abt u! this one goes out to the psychosexual mess of role playing and bad meals enjoyers <3 "i know it's a lie i want it to be true/the rest of the rot is riding on you" oh boy like i said psychosexual mess... pyrra dve my beloved "wishing you could KEEP! ME! CLOSER! IM A LAZY! DANCER! WHEN YOU MOVE! I! MOVE WITH YOUOOOOOOOOO" oh lord nona placing her hand on cam's shoulder like palamedes would. oh lord being so close in one body and yet a second apart. 8/10 should be higher but i started Having Feelings about nona's death again and couldnt finish listening to the song
Front Row
this is a john song if I’ve ever heard one. “burnt out stars they shine so bright… all of us” is def. giving lyctor vibes. (just children playing with reflections thinking they were stars grauauauagh etc etc) plus plus “he’s not perfect/he’s a victim/of his occupation/social insulation/secret intervention” like fuck dude he really is!!! pilot that president around ordinary dude fuck the world up with your good intentions!!! 10/10 this song is the brainrot undying the kindly prince of my lyctor brainrot
Blindness
besties ngl i am INCREDIBLY torn on this one,,, on one hand “what it is and where it stops nobody knows/you gave me a life i never chose/i wanna leave but the world wont let me go” goes crazy hard. like harrowhark ‘cursed to keep living’ nonagesimus? hello is that u? on the other hand the whole opening sequence of this is very blood of eden coded… 5/10 this song has a very Character Energy about it but i think i must accept that that character is probably not a tlt one
Stadium Love
ohohohoo! here she comes!! this song IS about canaan house like the whole thing n nothing will convince me otherwise. "wanna make a deal/angel versus eel" hm im getting gideighth betrayal vibes from this "rabbit versus dove" WHAT DID I SAY colum get back here your government assigned fursona is in the song "owl versus dove" uuuuuh this can be about the sixth being cool basically whenever because sixth -> wisdom -> athena -> owl. idc that they live on mercury fuck off. the blorbos may be smart but i dont have to be. btw camilla hect if you read this im free on thursday night and would like to hang out plz respond and then hang out with me on thursday night when im free. u can bring your necromancer too if yw. "every living thing pushed into the ring" duel time every (necro)man(cer) for himself "guess you thought you could just watch" go on enforce that cohort order judith! it wont backfire at all haha! "NO. ONES. GETTING. OUT" well. uh. none of them are. plus cant you just see the Character Portrait Flashes AMV Moments to the wooowooos?? cant you??? "without STADIUM LOVE" the last time they say this w the beat drop it should be gidedeath cytherea duel epic timez and then the echoing "love love" at the end is harrow waking up and mouthing The Three Syllables TM. 11/10 somebody lend me their animation skills please i would be sooo epic and responsible with them i have a Vison...
in conclusion thx for listening to my deranged ramblings (if anyone actually does.) please go listen to fantasies its so so good... message me and we can brainrot thru it together xoxo
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another bullshit post about my feelings and how i feel about you...
for one the most heart breaking and literal soul crushing experience was when i had to walk by you
do you know what it's like to see someone whom you absolutely adore, whom you have loved more than anyone or anything in this world, just to be looked at like if you're some stranger?
it tore me to pieces. it happened just a few weeks ago and i thought okay, this probably won't happen again...
only to my surprise did it occur less than two weeks later.
seeing you and walking past you like we never met, like we never shared the most deepest of secrets with one another, like we didn't spend every single day talking all hours of the day, is truly the worst feeling ever.
i felt my stomach drop so far down...
i could feel the tears forming in my eyes as i looked at you and smiled and you looked away, you couldn't even look at me. i was so happy to see you.
we were less than 3 feet from each other, the closest we have been physically in a year... and not a single word was spoken but i could feel my whole heart shatter all over again.
i always said i couldn't do this life thing without you, and it's still true. i drank so many days away last year, just to feel numb, to forget about you, to forget for just a night or two. only to sober up and realize you're still not in my life, and i don't think you ever will be again. i lost myself, not because i lost you, but because so much has happened.
i truly believe you are the love of my life, so seeing how this turned out... is devastating.
i am so angry most days. mainly at myself but i do lash out at people from time to time. im angry. i wish i could go back and change everything but i cant. so im angry. im angry at my choice and tbh im a little angry at you. why was it so easy for you to just walk away.
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reaaalllyy hoping i finish all these sketches/doodles some day soon because i am very satisfied with them and want to see them complete lmmaaoo — we will see though because art fight is once again taking over my life and all my energy. but for now, you get sneak peeks of my most perfect imperfections (aka, they don’t look quite right but i’m still happy i got them started).
CW: venting/emotional (?)
ANYYYWWAAYYY — my quick tumblr diary vent entry is just gonna be me appreciating my best friend and picking apart my brain✌️🥹.
for the most part, life is kind of kicking my ass and everyday feels suffocating, but for once in my life, i genuinely have someone who i can comfortably open up to. it’s a weird feeling? being vulnerable in a healthy way? in a way, i think parts of my brain is trying to reject the idea that i can fully trust and ask for support from someone. i’m really not that sure why my walls have come down like this so quickly in a sense?? but i’m really grateful for each and every day that i am able to spend with them. there is nothing i could do to ever repay how much they’ve done for me. this has been the most growth i feel within my own character and emotional well-being. though of course there are many important people in my life, i’ve learned so much from just one person about so many different things and so many ways to think positively, accept myself, and to look for the things in life that may be fulfilling. i’m relearning to take care of myself more and to try to prioritize my well being. though life-long habits will die hard, the comfort of knowing someone cares enough to be patient while im growing hits me like a brick. as a chronic cry baby, i’m relearning that it’s okay to cry in front of people and that being sensitive doesn’t mean i’m weak.
the other day, i told my best friend my deepest secret after an especially rough night. i cried so fucking much that day. it’s terrifying to tell someone something you’ve been closely guarding almost all your life. it’s terrifying when the last person you showed vulnerability to in the same way told you to just find a way to deal with it and to never talk about your struggles again. it’s terrifying to give your all to people who tell you that you mean so much to them only to realize too late that you don’t actually mean as much to them. in every sense of my being, this fear still racks at my brain, though i think i’ve accepted it as my fate, my role and purpose. now, though it feels like a weight lifted from my heart, i find it terrifying to feel like i matter to someone just as much as they to me.
the intrusive thoughts in my mind warn me that i’m making mistakes. they tell me that i should run away, that i should put back up the fucking walls because they’ll keep me safe. but some part of me wants to trust again. i want to keep indulging in being able to rely on someone who doesn’t judge my very being. the guilt eats me alive each time but they reassure me that no boundaries are being crossed. though, even if i’m blinded by hopefulness and my experiences run parallel to that of the past, i will never resent everything i’ve learned and the validity i received.
as fucked up as i am of a human being, i truly hope in this world that everyone is able to find someone for them even half as lovely and genuine as my best friend. even if just for a little bit, i want to keep trusting in his words.
(if you happened to have read through the entirety of my vague-ass brain dump, thank you very much 🤭<3 i dont think much of it makes sense as it is past three am and i have had so very little sleep the last couple if weeks, but i wanted this here for myself hehehe — hopefully it had some sort of entertainment factor if you were bored enough to read it !! anyways, now that i’ve gotten this off my chest, time to try to fix my sleep schedule once more.)
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i feel like im annoying lol but here i am again 🥴
🥴 how do da boys react to a super bimbo mc like shes busty, sweet, innocent, helpful as much as she can be and doesnt really realize when people are hitting on her, she just thinks theyre being extra friendly. (Tamaki, izuku, shoto, denki, bakougo) or any of ur choice
Sorry if I’m being annoying ( •᷄ὤ•᷅)？ and tysm
bimbo s/o
character(s) : bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto, amajiki tamaki (bnha)
probably (?) part one // ?
legend : [Y/N = your name] female! s/o, quirk not specific
headcanon type : fluff, crack (x reader)
note(s) : sooo 🤩 it’s my birthday tomorrow, not excited about that?? not sure! but im definitely gonna post more tomorrow, just because
»»————- ♡ ————-««
bakugou katsuki
you didn’t seem like his type tbh. you’re kinda an airhead, and you’re sweet and helpful to everyone
and awfully innocent,,
so, you seemed like the person that bakugou would try and stay away from, but nope!
not in this case. i’m not sure what conspired in this explosive blond’s head, but he had a oddly specific attraction to you
he used to hate being around you, but it’s also quite entertaining being around you but why, you may ask?
not only are you super nice, and helpful, but you’re very likable too! which caused you to get secret admirers, and fanboys
but you also so happen to be clueless as fuck, so katsuki would always stick around— obviously very amused, only to tell you what their true intentions are
“what do they mean, go out? like,, outside?”
“no, dumbo. they wanna date you.”
“..like the calendar?”
“hah?? are you dumb?” he actually hated how oblivious you were at first, but he just got used to it
but this clueless airhead trait of yours is what he also hates, because when he developed feelings for you— he’d have to tell you
and,, he’s not the best with being direct with romantic stuff. so— you can see how that went.
he ended up confessing you in the most direct way he could’ve said it, but you still. didn’t. understand.
“fuck sake, i want to be your significant other. your fucking lover, the bitch that’ll be with you until this dumbass brain of yours stops working.”
okay, he was a little too direct, but at least you know his feelings!
when you both finally get together, everyone is shocked. like,, you, the sweetheart that likes helping people— dating thee bakugou katsuki??
everyone thought you were threatened to date him, because you didn’t understand other people’s advances— but in reality, katsuki just told you what he felt
straight from the heart.
also, since you’re also quite busty, katsuki loves sleeping on them— he literally won’t sleep, until he has his head resting on those milkers of yours
“maybe this is all you’re good for, huh? a fuckin’ head rest. there might not be anything up there, but at least it gives me some good fuckin’ sleep.”
he,, doesn’t mean that. you’re useful in so many other ways, but he loves pretending that he thinks that way, because of your replies
“ah, yes! i’m fine with being your head rest, katsuki. rest well, love!”
you’re not hurt, because he makes it a point to tell you multiple times a day that you mean lots to him.
but he gets super mad when people tell you that you’re stupid. because he can only tell you that!!
todoroki shouto
you also didn’t seem like you’d be his type,, everyone thought he would’ve wanted someone that’s smart as momo, or something similar
but he’s very content with being with you, for reasons he can’t seem to figure out.
he has his habit of watching you help people from afar, and he couldn’t help but smile whenever he engages in conversations with you
yeah sure, you might be more of an airhead than most people— but you have a heart of gold! and that’s what gathered his attention
sometimes, he’s quite clueless to some social cues— but even he can connect the dots
which you can’t seem to do. but you’re in luck! shouto’s usually the one that tells you what they mean
it’s something he loves and hates, only because of how popular you are with people in general.
sometimes, shouto debates if he should even tell you what they mean— because well,, he likes you.
usually, shouto would interpret things to you like this
“,, they like you,, romantically.”
“shou, are you sure? they look like they wanna be my friend!” he lets you call him by his first name, just because of how content you look by calling him ‘shouto’
he ends up whispering something into your ear, and your eyes light up in realization. “oh! so how princess bubblegum likes marceline?”
“,, yeah.”
but being shouto todoroki has it’s advantages. he isn’t afraid of being as direct as he could possibly be.
“may i have the honor of being your lifelong partner?”
“..?”
“oh, romantically. i’d love to be your lover, Y/N.”
“..oh! that’s what you meant.”
the way he sees you stumble with your words, as you pace back in forth— completely flustered by his words
makes him smile
and it all ends well when his friends see that his wallpaper is literally him laying down on your chest
which is something he always wanted to do
“shouto,, did you finally confess?!”
“yes. they said yes.”
they’re not really surprised that you understood, courtesy to shouto’s bluntness.
he is your protector against all of the people that make you seem useless. man literally lashed out when his father asked him to date someone with ‘more intelligence’
“Y/N may not be the definition of being book smart, but Y/N’s not useless!”
in short— he’s the bimbo protector! he’ll always be patient around you, and he would never dare to dumb you down.
amajiki tamaki
oh lOrd, please help him
you’re so kind, sweet, and helpful. you’d help anyone— regardless of their personality. and that’s what made tamaki interested in you
but you’re also very popular. which he could see why— since you’re attractive in a unique and special way.
tamaki absolutely disliked the idea of your kindness being taken advantaged of. i mean,, the guts of some people!
but he also hated being the one to break the news to you good or bad
he’s not good with the blunt stuff either, and he might’ve been worried about being around you— because well,, you look like you wouldn’t even hurt a fly.
“tamaki, what do they mean by ‘coming home with them for a nice time’ do they.. want to play mario cart with me?”
he looks like he needs to pass out, but he ends up telling you anyway. he’s just lucky that you could hear him.
but he sighs in relief when you end up kindly declining
nejire and mirio are SO amused by this pairing. i mean, it’s an interesting dynamic! how could they not be invested?
yet, they refuse to even explain things to you, especially when tamaki’s around to do said explaining
because apparently, ‘it’ll help you socialize more, especially with Y/N!’
but remember when i said that tamaki wasn’t great with the blunt approach? yeah— he’d have a heart attack, just trying to explain his feelings
“i— uhm how do i say this,, would you like t-to go out for some dinner with m-me?”
“oh sure! i should go tell mirio and nejire” you’d say that with a smile, and it felt like he was going to pass away on the spot.
nejire and mirio were the ones the tell you that ‘no, tamaki doesn’t want to be friendly with you, because he wants to romantically date you.’
and it felt like forever when they were explaining how and why, while tamaki was sitting in the corner.
but thank GOD! because you like him too!
super hesitant on resting on your chest, i mean,, to him, it looked like the nicest pillow for the deepest sleep! but he wasn’t sure if that’d be okay
because no!! to!! taking!! advantage!! of!! Y/N’s!! kindness!!
speaking of that, despite the fact that he’s socially awkward— he will not hesitate on defending you from any haters!
like, when people say that “tamaki and Y/N are such an awkward couple. tamaki’s super awkward, it looks like there’s nothing in Y/N’s brain. maybe she’s brainless”
because how dare they. not everyone is book smart— but that doesn’t give people the right to call you stupid!
“Y/N’s not brainless! she’s kind, helpful, and the sweetest p-person i have ever met. i suggest you take that back!”
in short— it gives him heart palpitations just having to explain things to you, but at the end of the day, it’s all worth it, if he can be with you
»»————- ♡ ————-««
likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!
i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby
do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission
#bnha imagines#bnha x reader#mha x reader#mha imagines#bnha x y/n#bnha fluff#todoroki shouto x reader#todoroki x reader#todoroki imagines#todoroki x y/n#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugou x reader#bakugou x y/n#bakugou imagines#amajiki imagines#amajiki tamaki x reader#amajiki x y/n#amajiki x reader#bnha headcanons#mha x you#mha headcanons#bnha x you
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For the blurb prompts could you use 9 & 17 on the list 💜
didn't have time to proofread im so sorry!! edit: proofread!
prompt list here, send a number!!
#9 This is my favourite place in the whole world
#17 Sleeping in the same bed for the first time
It would never work, they'd said. You two would never work, and you would have a hard time "adjusting" to his lifestyle. But they had no idea.
They had no idea how loud he made you laugh–laugh until you cried– with that "ugly" snort of yours, or how he in such short period of time learned how to make the perfect cup of tea for you and nailed it every time, despite turning his nose up because you took it with sugar. They didn't know the late night chats on the phone, despite the tired, tired boy looking at you through the screen. They didn't know you; they had no idea.
It was hard, with both of you having completely different careers, you spending most of your day teaching whilst your boyfriend sang his heart out and had people scream his name every night. But you made it work. You were both honest with each other, always speaking your mind and telling each other if there were anything bothering either of you. But mostly, you were in love.
Meeting through mutual friends while he was touring was both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, you were scared of being just a fling, something that was only an “availability” for him. You couldn't bring yourself to take what you two had seriously for the first two months, with Harry still being on tour as you could only communicate through FaceTime. But when it was half term, and Harry asked for you to visit, you couldn't help but pop the question– well, not that one.
"What are we," you'd said, at three in the morning as you laid in bed while he got ready for his day. He'd paused for a minute, then let out a chuckle, your insides on the verge of leaking all over the floor.
It was silly of him to think that you two were official, without you even knowing. Turns out, he'd already began mentioning you to his friends on tour as his girlfriend, and whenever it left his mouth, you couldn't help but preen, bite your lip and repeat the word over and over again in your head.
So, standing in Harry's kitchen with nothing but a ratty t-shirt on, you feel like you somehow belong. Sure, it wasn't your first time at his, but never like this before. Never with a sleep tee on, face moisturised and meds all swallowed as you get ready for bed. You can't help but feel nervous all of a sudden, though when his arms wrap around your waist from behind you, the sheepish smile is back on your face, and you find yourself tilting your head back, catching his jaw in a soft kiss.
"What's taking you so long," a kiss is pressed on your temple and the words tickle your ear. "Come to bed."
"I will. Was just taking my meds."
He smiles into your neck, and help you turn in his arms, now face to face as you both smile like you've just discovered the deepest secrets to the world.
"You good," he asks, eyes darting from your eyes to your lips.
"Yes. Let's go."
You both walk upstairs, hands intertwined, and once inside his bedroom, you feel your cheeks get warm.
It wasn't like you've never been here before, in his bedroom. You cuddled on the bed, you watched telly– sometimes ate in his bed. Did other things. But never went to bed together, to sleep, and to wake up together.
With one last smile, he walks to his side of the bed and sits cross-legged on the crisp sheets, and takes his t-shirt off. You know you have to make a move. You sit on the bed, copying him, and he watches as you check your phone on the bedside table on your side of the bed, and you know what he's thinking. Though, it doesn't mean you can't bribe it out of him.
You reach for his hand cream near your phone, and begin lathering your hands with it. "What? Why do you keep looking at me like that?" the words leave your mouth, and it makes him laugh.
"Sorry, I didn't think you getting ready for bed, in my bed, would turn me on this much," he grins as he takes his socks off.
"I hate you."
"You don't."
A beat, and he speaks again, now fully in bed as he keeps watching you fiddle with your phone.
"Get in bed already!"
"I will! I'm sending a text to my mum."
"Did she tell you to be careful?"
"You're so silly. Hey," you put the phone down and turn to him, copying his position in bed. "Don't hog the duvet. I hate being cold."
"I'd never, baby. I'll keep you warm, come here, sweet girl."
And you do. Of course you do.
As you get comfortable in his embrace, he reaches and turns the lamps off, cuddling more into you as a sigh leaves his mouth. With butterfly kisses pressed on your cheek, your forehead, your neck, you copy his sigh and settle more into him, groaning when he throws one leg over yours.
"That okay?" He whispers into the darkness, his minty breath tickling the back of your neck.
You nod. "Yeah. I like being squished."
"I know. Hey," he squeezes your waist. "I'm so excited for tomorrow. To wake up to you, I mean–"
"–Cheeseball."
"To wake up to you," he clears his throat. "And to see you drooling everywhere."
"Rude! You're nasty."
"Shh. Sleep."
It's silent for the next ten minutes, and you think he's already fallen asleep by the way his chest rises and falls against your back.
"Psst," he surprises you. You chuckle into the night, and crane your neck so you can look at him despite the darkness. "You smell nice. Better than Mitch."
"Piss off."
Silence.
Harry squeezes your body, and presses his lips to your neck. It's sweet, warm, and it gives you butterflies.
"You know what," he whispers, big hands finding your belly under the t-shirt, thumb beginning to stroke your warm skin.
You whisper back, "What?"
"This is my favourite place in the whole world. You. In my arms. In my bed. In my space..."
"Mhm..."
"Good night, sweetheart."
"Night, H."
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