#im just fucking mad at myself for not taking note of this because now im falling behind where I wanted to be
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I think getting a hysterectomy would either help with my migraine issues or just give me different problems but I wont be able to know until next year minimum and even then I dont know if I can do a second surgery so soon. the way that birth control just utterly and completely fucks you over when youre starting it, when youre on it, and when youre getting off it is so. Idk if its even worth it to change my birth control if Im gonna get a hystrectomy in the vague soonish future even if I feel like absolute dogshit for an entire month for 1/3rd of the year.
#I take it back on whatever post I made recently about hrt. I think its making my migraine issues worse.#I would take back the smell issue over migraines that have me searching basic math to make sure Im still doing 3x3 correctly#in my head. and like. being unable to read more than a paragraph or two at a time.#honestly. Im really mad at myself for being caught off guard by that doctor and telling her I was on testosterone.#because now I have to jump through stupid fucking hoops to get a hysterectomy and shit and who knows what wouldve happened if I was able to#pretend I was cis. Im pissed about it. and OFCCCCCC she says 'yes I will make sure not to mention the trans thing outside of my notes!'#and WHAT does she label the appointment as?????? literally mentioning Im trans in the big ass header that my new primary doctor immediately#saw. like come on girl do your job better than this.#life sucks being disabled when you have to do all this crap. cant just Schedule a Surgery you have to go get approved by insurance and then#make sure someone can bring you and also you have food you can actually eat during recovery and take time off work and worry about money an#then find out insurance did not approve the surgery AT the appt and then you have to wait another 2 months to reschedule the surgery and do#all of the above alllll over again. but like even worse.#bro Im so stressed about money all the time my moms bills keep going up and her bills cost more than my monthly paycheck. its bad out here.#anyway. my nightly tag rant.
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Hi! I don’t know if you want idea for your school dilemma but I’m going to include one, if you’re not looking for solutions then feel free to delete this and just know someone is thinkin of you!
Idea: I don’t know how your university works but at the college I attended we had the option to still graduate (ie. Walk in the ceremony with all our classmates) and then just take the last few credits over the summer and then they would send our diploma. I know that doesn’t help with the grad school dilemma, but I know how important all of the graduation excitement is and how upsetting it is to not be able to celebrate with classmates.
Ah thank yoU! Sadly the amount of credits I need (currently at 96 but need 120) means i may have to split it between two semesters because summer classes are notoriously limited in at our university and very hard.
I'm gonna see if i can maybe do four classes over the summer (itll be split two each five week session) but I know the summer classes are BRUTAL and that we don't have a lot offered during the summer to begin with :(
#ask#asks#a friend of mine *political science major* did one class over the summer and she said it was fucking torture so im panicked lmao#ill have to do six classes next semester either way s i will be wanting to die no matter what#im just fucking mad at myself for not taking note of this because now im falling behind where I wanted to be#ngl i kinda worried about wasting my twenties with trying to catch up despite the whole 'everybody is at their own pace' yknow#im just. fucking mad at myself#i dont want to do another full fall semester because then my grad school plan is pushed forward and iw anted to be on track to being#independent before turning twenty five so i feel less like a dissapointment to myself but. here we are lmao#i hate myself man
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HII I LOVE YOUR STORIES SM. okay can you write a fic where the reader is being insecure about their appearance and then richarlison comforts them 🤭🤭🤭
pairing: richarlison x insert.
summary: when the reader makes little comments about her appearance, richarlison decides he wont have any of it.
cw: richarlison being cute AGAIN, insecurities.
authors note: THANK YOU BAE THIS REQ IS SO CUTE.
DISCLAIMER:
i've been trying to get the mist descriptive reqs done first and then working on the others, ill probs be done by the end of the week w/ all of the ones im gonna do up until this point. If yours isn't done then it was either vague; "(fluff/angst/smut) with(character)?" be descriptive!! or it was something i wont right. i wont right any imagines for inserts that are given childish characteristics and i especially will not write for age gaps- because its not something i would be comfortable doing and its also not realistic- which is what i like to write. lastly i want to say that i will not write HARSH smut- there will be themes in the smut that i do chose to write but i cannot see myself writing for deeper topics (im not gonna give examples but ykwim). THATS ALLLLL, this is not targeted!! enjoy this req!
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your dinner with your boyfriend was spectacular, you were out of town for an event he had to attend so being able go to a restaurant you weren't familiar with was refreshing.
you'd spent time on your hair and makeup- even going so far as to deliberately chose your outfit. your dress came out of a suitcase but you thought it looked nice.
you and richarlison ate and enjoyed eachothers company, he took a few photos of you and put his phone down, commenting something about how he was going to make it his background and that your smile was beautiful.
you finished your meal and payed for the bill- lingering in the restaurant until your uber came to get you both.
once on the way home you scrolled through your messages to respond to your friends and family seeing as you weren't really on your phone during the dinner. you looked up from your screen to see a big smile on richarlisons- he caught onto your staring, "my god, you're so fucking beautiful."
you were curious to see what he was gawking at and a photo from the dinner was on his screen, you saw what you looked like im that frame and suddenly your dress didn't fit right, your smiles was awkward for your face, your hair looked messy, and you should've work more makeup. your smile was wiped from you face after seeing that photo.
"ew." you muttered.
"delete it." you said. richarlison was obviously confused- seeing as he thought you were the epitome of attraction, he questioned you, "just delete it." you said again before going back to scrolling on your phone- turning slightly away from him.
you'd always been a little bit insecure but this changed your entire night- you felt uncomfortable just sitting in this car. you felt guilty for being with richarlison and looking like you did in that photo. you were honestly a little embarrassed too.
the uber finally made it back to your hotel and the walk back inside was silent as you still felt shame. richarlison on the other hand was extremely confused, he didn't know if you were mad at him or if he did something wrong so he stayed silent until you entered the doors of ur room. "why'd you make me delete the photo y/n?"
you set your purse down on the small couch before taking a seat on the same couch to take your shoes off, "it was a bad photo thats all."
richarlison walking over to you at you sat there, "what?"
"it was just a really ugly photo."
"ugly? y/n are you serious right now?"
he genuinely asked you that question, and you laughed will nodding your head- your laughter directly contradicting with the tears welling up in your eyes.
your boyfriend just stood there staring at you for 30 seconds, genuinely trying to understand where this insecurity would even stem from. to him your face was the most precious thing in the world, something that the gods took their time with, he knew every detail of your face- and your body was something he worshipped and knew how to care for, to him you were honestly enchanting- but he didn't know how to put that into words as his deep gaze was set on you and every detail of your being.
he knelt down before you, meeting your eyeline as he wiped and kissed away your tears. you felt like such a fucking baby.
"i dont know what you are seeing when you look at yourself but-" he began to kiss your neck, "you are the most captivating person i have ever layed eyes on." he moved down to your collarbone, "you make every part of my day better meu amor." he kissed across your shoulder blade, "you're practically glowing y/n" he places one last kiss at your shoulder, "the most enchanting woman in the world."
he was satisfied as your cheeks were now red, no more tears lingered in your eyes. he moved up from his spot on the floor and he grabbed your chin and pulled you in for a kiss- tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. "you're breathtaking."
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#richarlison x you#richarlison x reader#richarlison de andrade#richarlison fluff#richarlison angst#richarlison smut#richarlison imagine#richarlison imagines#richarlison#richarlison headcanons#neymar angst#neymar headcanon#neymar smut#neymar imagine#neymar jr#neymar fluff#neymar x you#neymar imagines#neymar x reader#neymar
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Tour - Matt Sturniolo
Pairing: Dom!matt x Reader
Summary: You are going to tour to meet Matt Nick and Chris and things take a wild turn
Warning: unprotected sex (no no), p in v, hair gripping, mouth fucking, public (kinda?)
Authors note: requested by anon!!
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You had just bought the last tickets for the Versus tour in Salt Lake City, you were so excited and thanked your parents almost every second of the day
You were doing your makeup and planning your outfit when you get a text from your best friend, who was also going to the tour
“Hey when are you leaving they open the doors at 3:30.” She texted
It was 10:30 so you were probably gonna leave around 11:30 just to get there early so you didn’t have to wait in a long line
“Around 11:30.” You replied
She left you on read and you assumed she was getting ready
You finished your makeup and changed into your blue shirt with the ripped jeans you’ve just bought for this occasion
It was 11:17 and you were sitting on your bed until your mom called you down to get ready to leave
You slipped your old dirty converse on and ran out the door to the car, you were really excited
- 2 hours later -
We just pulled into a parking lot, payed for parking, and parked
We started walking towards the building which had a line of people wearing blue, purple, and orange
We got in line and waited 2 hours to get in
Once it was our turn to get our wristbands I grew extremely shy, but you were also excited which made it really weird
After you got your wristband you walked inside and saw people waiting to see the triplets
You turned around for one second and heard a bunch of people screaming “oh my god!” You whipped back around and saw the triplets walking up the stairs you rolled your eyes
- 30 minutes later -
You’ve been waiting in a line to get in the auditorium for 30 minutes and you were growing impatient until it was your turn to enter
You heard they’re opening song playing and got excited
Once Matt, Nick, and Chris came out you screamed your heart out until they told you to settle down so they can pick people to come on stage
“Okay uhh, wait Nick wanna pick first?” Chris said
“Yeah, her.” He points to a girl in purple with brown hair and she walks up to the stage
“Ok I’ll pick that girl, you see her in the orange?” Chris says
“Dude there is so many people wearing orange..” Matt says rolling his eyes
“Anyways I pick..” he looks around for a moment
His eyes suddenly lock with yours “uh I pick you.” He says
“Me?” I say pointing to myself
“Yup.” Matt says
I look at my friend and run through he crowd to get on stage
Once we are all on stage they began explaining the rules
I was standing by Matt when he looked over at me and winked,
I began looking around to see if anyone saw it and obviously not
We began playing the games.
- 2 hours later -
Chris won but we weren’t mad we were more happy for him
I began to get off stage because everyone was leaving including Nick and Chris but Matt placed his hand on my shoulder and stopped me
“Hey..” he said
“Hi?” I said raising an eyebrow
“Meet me at the bathrooms.” He winked again and began to walk away
I walk to the bathrooms shortly after only to see Matt waiting there, once he saw me he started walking towards me
He grabbed my hand and lead me outside, I was confused when I saw him walking towards the back of the building where his tour bus was.
“Where are we going?” I asked
“Just follow me..don’t ask questions okay?” He replied trying not to be seen or heard. The last thing that could happen is you guys getting caught together especially because the tour is over and everyone is leaving now
I nodded and followed him to his tour bus
Once I was inside their tour bus Matt asked me “How old are you?”
“Oh im 19..why?” You said raising an eyebrow
Matt look me up and down and smashed his lips into mine
Passionately, we continued to makeout until Matt broke the kiss
He grabbed my head and pushed me down until i was on my knees, he looked down at me and said “help..?” with a grin he pointed to his pants specifically the zipper, I began to unzip his pants
I pulled his pants down along with his boxers, immediately he grabbed my head and i was bobbing up and down on his cock
His dick was hitting the back of my throat and i was sure that as fast as he was thrusting into my throat, the whole tour bus was shaking
I was practically crying from all the gagging and moving i was doing, it was just the feeling of his cock hitting the back of your throat so hard
He dick twitched and he immediately pulled out not wanting to cum just yet
My head fell back, spit was hanging from my chin and i was catching my breath when he grabbed me and helped me up, took of my pants and slipped my panties to the side, he bent me over a table and moved his tip through my folds
I moaned at the teasing action when he suddenly pushed into me, i groaned adjusting to his size
He began to thrust into me slowly and got faster pretty quick, my tits were bouncing and hitting my chest over and over again
He bit his lip and groaned, soon he brushed my g spot and i moaned slightly
“Right there?” He started thrusting in the same spot faster i moaned louder, he covered my mouth with his hand and said “we can’t get caught.” He chuckled
i felt the knot in my stomach build up, “im gonna c-cum!” I whined
“What?” He chuckled “im gonna c-“ the knot snapped before i would warn again
“Do you want me to cum inside you..?” He said smirking, still thrusting
I nodded, “use your words.” He demanded still thrusting pretty fast “God!, oh- oh, yes matt! Fuck!” He released inside of you still thrusting making sure his release was deep inside of you
He pulled out, buttoned up his jeans and “helped” you. The only thing he did was put your panties back and helped you up, you pulled your jeans up and he walked you to fridge and gave you a bottle of water as soon as you grabbed the water you felt paper you didn’t look but kept walking as he was leading you to the door of the tour bus
He let you out and waved goodbye as if he didn’t just fuck the shit out of a fan, as you were walking back to your car still in shock of what happened you looked at the paper it said “call me” with his number “xxx-xxx-xxxx.” With a smiley face
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Part 2?… sorry for posting late babesss
Tag list- @hysteria-things @mattsleftnipple03 @tillies33ssss @ineedchriscock
#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo smut#sturniolo fanfic#nicolas sturniolo
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confide - M.S
summery - y/n escapes to the balcony of you and matt’s room while a whole party is still buzzing under you, he finds you and lets you know that he still loves you no matter what
notes - MORE FLUFF, guys we needed more fluff, i can make a part 2 with smut in it if u whores like this one 🫶
a/n - this is me putting off smart ass 🤗
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trying to escape the madness of the party happening underneath me i choose to sit on the outdoor couch on the very high balcony i sit at. i started the mini fire pit in front of me as all the supplies for it was just in a box near the door.
the blanket that embraces me is fluffy and soft, as much as i love matt i couldn’t breath in that horrible blanket of tension his mother threw onto me. i was drilled with questions by her knowing the reason for the excessive amount. matt went through a rough break up before me, and i can’t blame her for wanting to make sure her son doesn’t go through something like that again.
the fire crackles and pops while i just enjoy the city lights and soft jazz that plays on the upper level of the penthouse, i lay my head down on the other seat cozying up on the bamboo woven couch, the thick padding cradle me as i feel myself being lulled to sleep.
not long after i fall asleep im woken up by the sound of the sliding door behind me, a shadowy figure walks to the side of the couch, it was matt.
“hi sweetheart, did you get tired?” matt says, folding over to get closer to my face, the glow of the fireplace reflects every chiselled feature in his face. i give him a soft nod while he peels his suit jacket off resting it on the chair that is also stationed towards the fire.
“hey move your head up,” i do as i’m told and he slides into the seat on the couch my head was recently covering up, he lays my head back onto his muscular thigh letting me use him as a pillow.
“im sorry, i was so overwhelmed by your mom,” i say shameful of when i tripped over my words and made a fool of myself.
“yeah, nick told me about it, he already told her to calm down on the questions, he also led me here to you and i don't think my mom is the only factor of you coming up here.” he says, dipping his head down to kiss my forehead. his fingers push my hair away from my face as i turn to look up at him.
“i don’t know matt, i feel weird. i don’t belong in this sparkly dress or these high class parties. i’m so new to all of it, and don’t get me wrong, i love all of this and you so much to keep pushing through but if i’m being honest it’s really hard for me to be down there.” i hope matt understood what i meant by all of that because it really felt good to get off my chest.
“i get it, we grew up differently, but that doesn’t change anything between us. i dont care if you were dirty and homeless on the street as long as i knew who you were i would have picked you up, housed you and loved you forever. and i'm willing to do that right now too. i don’t care if my family is worried about me, because i know that i'm alright now. you healed me.” he cupped my cheek making sure my eyes were still connected to his while he assured me of his intentions and beliefs.
“i know i’m not what your mom envisioned who you would be with, so thank you for all of this. from the dress to the heels and your sweet words, thank you for sharing your beautiful life with me.” i sit up and begin to straddle matt, my red dress pools around us while i take matt in for a large hug. he returns it pushing my head into his neck letting me become way more calm then i was when i came up here.
i look back up to him with a tear escaping from my perfectly done eye make up. “don’t cry please, it breaks my fucking heart when you cry.” he kisses the tear before it can run fully down my face fully. “how about we go to bed, i’ll get you all cleaned up and all i have to do is tell nick and chris that i’m not feeling well and we can cuddle all night, sounds good?” i eagerly nod, giving an enthusiastic yes.
he wraps my straddled legs around his torso and carries me inside, keeping me bundled up in my blanket as I'm moved to the bed, before promptly putting out the fire i started. he retreats back to me bringing one of my silk black cami tops to change into while he goes to my large vanity and brings back a soaked cotton pad to use to clean my face of running mascara and concealer.
he gently rubs and wipes across my face seeing him extremely focused on the task in front of him. he tosses the stained pad and he lets me crawl into bed. “okay i’ll be back im just going to find chris or nick to update them, i won’t be long.” he lingers at the door handle while telling me his exact actions while he heads out the door.
i check my phone for messages and notifications while before he comes back to our room, he strips off his button up abandoning it in the hamper that crowds a corner of the room. his dress pants hang low on his hips as they fall slightly while he pulls his belt through the multitude of loops on his pants.
he’s now just left in his plaid print boxers as he slips under the charcoal grey duvet and snakes his arms around me pulling me in, embracing me just like he said he would. his chest is flush with my back and his legs entangle with mine. he’s warm and still smells like the intoxicating cologne he adores. i take a deep breath in being very content in where my life ended up and how i’m now engaged with my fiance and now letting the rest of his family know at a party. life is great when you find your person.
taglist - @westwiing13 @comet235 @mayhem73
#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#matthew bernard sturniolo#matt sturniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo x reader#sturniolos#sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#y/n#Spotify
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ELLIE WILLIAMS X ANEMIC!READER HEADCANONS
shes basically taking care of you n all:3
mdni please<3
warnings: anemia, a lil of smut
writers note: i swear its okay to read even if youre not anemic:3 i feel like shed do these thingss even to hers not anemic gf.. also this may seem odly specific because im anemic myself and idk this idea randomly came up to my mind so enjoyy !!
SFW
🌿lets start with the fact that an anemic person tends to become tired and sluggish very easily so they (most of them) enjoy any kind of support
🌿ellie knows that your health is fragile so she tries to be as patient and gentle as possible in your interactions<3
🌿when youre not feeling well shes is usually pretty awkward and she has no idea how to help you😓(my poor awkward gf) BUT whenever she doesnt know what to say she just offers to help you out in small ways like preparing food or running errands
🌿if you both live together her GOAL is to keep your house well-lit and cool as too much heat or brightness makes it hard to focus/uncomfortable for people with anemia
🌿she always makes sure you drink and eat well so you have more energy and all
🌿she always gets mad when you refuse to go to sleep because she knows you need to.. even if youre making a cute excuse like
"but els, i want to stay up so i can spend time with you!"
and then she'll roll her eyes at you and say "we can do whatever you want tomorrow, you need to rest now!"
and would even forcefully make you if needed🙏
🌿if its modern!ellie(just ellie having access to a phone), she'll secretly google things about your illness and things like "how to help your anemic girl from passing out every time she misses breakfast" I JUST KNOW SHED DO THAT ISTGG
🌿she would hate to hear you being guilty. like when you say "im tired of you making all the little house jobs just because i mostly dont have the energy to.." she'll go crazy. not in a bad way, of course, but she wont drop the topic until she makes sure you understand she doesnt mind.
🌿she also definitely hates when you want to convince her into letting you help her.
"fuck, ellie, its not cancer, its anemia! i can at least help you" you say angrily. like, really angrily. because youre kind of right (but she doesnt care)
"we've talked about this, lay down and wait for me," she answers sternly. so sternly you feel shivers down your spine.
🌿but when you eventually talk with her (you manage not to start an argument but really, simply talk) she understands your point and promises she'll let you help her with some things
🌿one time you told her that anemic people are sensitive to the cold and its true but now she overuses it as an excuse to cuddle up with you. like she couldnt just say she wants to be near you. istg, this woman...
🌿she ALWAYS lookout for things that could potentially cause bleeding
🌿she loves when you blush. more than anything. mostly because anemia makes the blood blah blah idc basically anemic people dont really blush so when you actually do she would just stare at you with a wide smile. and when you ask her why is she looking at you like that she wont admit it just like that, shed say something like "you just look more colorful than usual"
NSFW
🌿anemic people often have pale or translucent skin tone and that makes bruises really visible. and we all know ellie can be rough. so when she wakes up after a.. long night and she notices what she did, she feels so bad. like really bad. she apologies as soon as you wake up and of course you try to convince her it doesnt hurt, because it really doesnt and you, in fact, really enjoyed all of this, but she thinks youre just lying to make her feel better
🌿one time you woke up in the late evening after one of your naps. usually, ellie stays with you - awake, watching you sleep and drawing something in her sketchbook but this day you woke up to an empty bed:( you quickly stood up to look for her and after a few steps, your little anemic head started spinning from the sudden move. your vision got blurry and eventually completely black. you felt your knees getting weak but right before you could fall someone caught you. your lovely hero - ellie. you leaned on her as she held you from behind, what could look like a normal hug for someone who just saw you both like that, and you felt the bulge in her pants pressed against you. why the hell would she wear it now? you failed to stay quiet and you let out a soft moan. your girlfriend noticed that but she thought its caused by your health state
"shh, shhh... it's okay"
when your vision was back to normal, you turned around and kissed her as a simple way to thank her for being here with you. before you could think, you were grinding on her lap, getting ready to take her strap while she firmly held your hips, guiding them to move back and forth 🥰🥰
#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams headcanons#ellie x y/n#ellie williams x you#ellie williams x y/n#ellie williams#ellie x reader#ellie tlou#anemia#anemic#health care
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Champagne problems | Dawson Mercer x Fem Reader
Summary: Dawson and Harper(you) get in a heated argument, but you have a past in being left alone. Dawson makes it up to by dancing in the kitchen at night, and it ends up leading to something else.
Warnings: makeup s*x, unprotected, crying, language, not proof read
PLS NOTE: I don’t think Dawson Mercer would ever LIKE EVER make someone feel this way (and idk why he would get angry abt this but he did so yuhh)
I got kinda lazy towards the end- sorry in advance🫶
You book the night train for a reason
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME HARPER!” Dawson yells out from our room. I hear his Newfie accent pop out. I think it’s so cute. Then. I hear pound stomps from upstairs in our home. He comes running down the stairs. He turns to face me as he scurries over at me.
Dawson throws my phone that was once in my hand and now is on the other side of the white couch, which I was comfortable sitting on. He never screams at me. I’m scared.
I’m scared.
I run for our dog, Mila. I grab our black lab and pick her up. Mila holds onto me as I run up the stairs with her. I don’t care about my phone, I need to lock myself away. I don’t even know what I did. But I’m is I’m terrified.
I dropped your hand while dancing
I run into the bathroom without a word said. I hear soft foot steps walking towards the bathroom. It’s not just a bathroom, it’s the place where we would take baths together, or when I get to drunk and he would hold my hair back when I throw up, or when he would get sick and I would shower with him.
This isn’t a home, not right now atelast. It’s a madhouse.
I’m not ready. It’s been a strong 2 years together, we have never been through a big fight where I felt I was threatened. I’m so scared I hold on to Mila, I feel like I’m going to throw up.
“please, Harper, open up. I didn’t mean to yell at you like that. But I’m upset, you pulled out like $200 out if the shared account.” Dawson has a good point to be mad at me. But he has to understand that it’s for bills. I just bought the house, it’s under my name.
“I’m sorry.” I say, and there I go. A tear is shed. Not only one, but it turns into many. I’m now bawling my eyes out. He bangs on the door. I know he’ll get mad if I don’t open the door, but I’m not ready to see him, because I truly feel guilty, but I cannot pay for the bills and in general everything on my own.
“I’m not mad anymore, I’m going to be upset if you don’t open the door baby. Are you hungry?” Dawson says in absolute despair.
My stomach dropped about 12 minutes ago, and I still can’t seem to grab it and put it back in place, my heart is doing somersaults- in a terrible way, not in a lovestruck way, more of a numbing pain. My head is pounding. I hear birds chriping through the bathroom window. I unlock the door taht im sitting against. I let Mila walk out, and I grab air. Then I walk into our bedroom. I open windows.
Love slipped beyond your reaches
And I couldn’t give a reason
Champagne problems.
I change into Dawson’s boxers, they have SpongeBob patterns on them, I picked it out. I throw on my sleep shirt. I tie my hair into a messy high bun, I let my neck hit the cold outside breeze. It’s offseason, Dawson and I are getting ready to travel back to his family’s home in a week. Right now, I’m not sure if I wnat to go.
I hear sizzling from the kitchen downstairs. And the smell of cheese, and toast. Is it Grilled cheese?
“BUBBA?!” Dawson yells out for me.
He walks up the steps with a green plate, and he steps into our room, he sees me against our bedroom wall that faces the entrance of the room. The window is above me, he come towards me. Grabs the grilled cheese and splits it.
“Did you know you look gorgeous.” Dawson says, not in a question format, but more of a statement. He opens my mouth and wipes the tear that had fell from my eye. He sticks the grilled cheese into my mouth and he looks at me, and smiles. I see his toothless corny smile. I love him.
“Come here. Baby I didn’t mean to get at you like that.” He says as he grips onto his blue t-shirt and wipes my mascara away.
“it’s my fault.” I say. I don’t want him to leave me.
We finish eating as he explains how it’s okay to take out money,but he should be able to pay, not that I should sneak the payment. He grabs my hand and he takes the plate that he placed the delicious grilled cheese on and placed it into the clean sink. He turns me around and he’s sits me on the cold counter.
“You look sexy.” He says and again, I hear his newfie accent pop out. I’m head over heels for him.
“In SpongeBob boxers?” I say sarcastically and I laugh away my sadness.
“Yes. Anything that you’re in, makes you extra sexy. And..” he says as he trails off as he nibbles at my neck. He kissed my index finger and trailed up to my left ear. I can feel his stubble.
He pushed up against me, and he kissed me. He then picked me up from the counter and twirled me down to the floor. And he continued to French kiss me. He tugs at my waist as he he tucks his head onto my neck. He’s 6”0 body leans into my 5”2 figure.
“I love you.” He whispers into my ear as he sucks into me, I’m sure there is a big bruise awaiting to be seen by his fellow teammates at holding tomorrow. Dawson is missing a tooth, but he’s still really good at giving hickeys. He starts to sway. Ironically, he starts to humthe words of champagne problems. He’s such a girl dad- not yet.
We dance in the kitchen for like an hour as we just talk. The beautiful daylight blue sky turned into a black sky lit by stars. He grabs me and sits me down on the couch that we met at earlier today.
Mila has her own bed in our bedroom, but for today she sat in her own room that she has in the main level right next to the kitchen. Dawson locks Mila in her bedroom and he sets her asleep with her night time water. He grabs me and carry’s me up the stairs. It’s like we are re-living our day.
He pushed me down the bed. He has one hand on my mid torso. And he slides his hand up, up toward my cleavage. He takes a hold of his SpongeBob boxers and slides them off. He smoothly takes my shirt off. He apply little pressure on my shoulders, an my bra is off my chest. He looks at my breast like it’s the first pair he’s ever seen. His face lits up in an eager smile. And once again I see his toothless expression. He takes my nipple into his fingers and twist them.
My breast is really tender from crying earlier today so I let out a little wince. Dawson looks down at me ready to study every little mark I have on me. He takes his shirt off. In a swft motion his shorts are also off. I see his face black boxers, but it’s accompanied by a large tent in the middle of his legs. He’s getting off by me in pain. Wierd kink.
“Daws.” I say, I’m letting him know I’m ready to take him. Dawson holds my hands up above my head and he opens his boxers, I can’t stop thinking off how that’s where he opens his pants to pee, but I take him in my mouth and he’s steady leaking everywhere.
I lick the tip of him and he screams in excitement.
He’s so easy.
He lets out a sigh as he finished inside my mouth, not letting me do any work.
“Okay pillow princess, show me how it’s done.” Dawson says as he flips me on top of him and we roll over to the other side of the bed. He lays down and he pulls off his boxers. He’s bare, I’m bare. I touch myself as I stand on top of him. I look down at him as I decide to squat down. I look at his face, he’s ready to be please, but I just took him inside of my mouth. I swalllow, but I forget… can he?
So I take his jaw in my hand and I tell him to open his mouth, he does so. He is expecting a kiss. But for me, I wnat to make him cum first. So I straddle his face, and I take his hard friend, into my mouth, once again.
Im laying on top off him, he has my clit on his mouth, and I have his dick into my throat. He’s tasty, very salty. He locks me out, and I feel like I need to piss everywhere. So I focus on my job. I need to make him cum. He goes faster on his tounge, he lifts his hips up to my face, he’s about to fall out of his momentum. He thrusts into my throat. And again, and again, he thrusts. He lets out a groan, and he starts to stick his large fingers into my hole. He sucks and fingers at my bottom half.
He’s going to play dirty, so am I. So I grab his large balls and start to rub. He starts to slap my ass, and he runs up and down my waist line. I grab his leg, and he thrusts into my mouth again, he lets out an exasperated groan, he drops his bridge down, and he slides me over.
He arrived, and I haven’t. Maybe I am better.
“No, I know what you’re thinking, you aren’t better than I am.” Dawson says as he walks over to grab a condom.
“No, I like it raw.” I say as I get up from feeling like peeing.
“Easier on me then.” Dawson says as he lifts me up and I wrap around his figure. My boobs are pressed up against his abs, my nipples are sticking straight into him. He lays me down gently as he sticks a finger inside of me. He licks his finger clean.
“You’re still pretty wet for me.” He says, “but I haven’t cummed yet.” I said, impatiently.
I push his anatomy onto me. His cock is pushed up against his abdomen. He kisses me and he did infancy swallow.
He leans back up from our special kiss, and he licks his hand, and pump onto his cock once. He grasps onto my thigh, he spreads my legs apart.
“DAWSON!” I scream out in enjoyment. I’m exhilarated. His shaft ponds into my hips. My pelvis is now perked up into his hands. I need more, but I cannot fit much more. He has so many inches inside of me,I feel like I might puncture ny uterus.
“He shushed me and started to bounce. He thrusted about 4 times before I begged him to stop. And I cimmed right there. He grabbed a tissue that sat on our nightstands, specifically for this reason.
“Okay baby. You wanna shower, or do you want to wait until tomorrow morning?” Dawson says and he always knows the answer. He made sure I wa clean and the bed sheets weren’t wet and sticky for our semen.
He wraps his legs around me, I’m little spoon, and he’s big spoon. We are skin to skin. And I feel safe in his arms as he kissed me goodnight. And I feel ready to see his family on our trip next week. And I’m glad that his friends will see my “burn mark” I got. Which we all know that Dawson took his kisses to strong and he bit and sucked on my neck to leave territory marks.
#hockey#jocelynscrazyideas#nhl#dawson mercer#hockey fics#njd#nj devils#new jersey devils#nhl players#nhl fic#smut
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warning for a clearly anxiety-ridden oversharing freakout below the cut. sorry. i’m too sensitive and i’m unfortunately acutely aware of it.
tldr; im being a drama queen. gonna take a tumblr break for a week or two. to my mutuals, feel free to dm for my insta. i’ll be active until i wake up tomorrow morning and then i’m gonna zip
gonna preface this by saying this is in no way directed to the people whom i actually talk to constantly on here like you lot were lovely and im just dealing with a lot of demons in my head :(
anyway. sometimes i feel more like a product manufacturer than a person on here. and idk. i know most of you guys are really just following me for gifs and content and whatever but. yeah. idk. i guess the things i say don’t matter to anyone unless it’s funny. or if people want to call me out. not that im mad abt that exactly btw i do appreciate when people respectfully call me out for my own mistakes but. sometimes. i feel like im in a fishbowl and you’re all just waiting for me to say something wrong and cancel me. or then again, maybe most of you already think im a shit person and you just stay for the gifs. or maybe you guys think i’m a loser who has nothing to do but spend all day on this goddamn website.
and i know, somewhere inside me, that that’s not true and that it’s clearly the anxiety talking. maybe it’s just me maybe i’m making this up in my head i dunno. but i’m just kinda tired right now. too tired to battle the anxiety like usual at least. and i don’t really feel wanted outside of the content i produce, beyond the notes of my gifs or my fun posts. which ik shouldn’t matter but. i’m a pathological people pleaser etc etc.
(god, seeing this all typed out, i can’t even fucking blame you guys if you actly don’t like me cause. i kinda wanna shake myself by the shoulders and tell myself get a grip girl the world doesn’t revolve around you shut up shut up shut your damn mouth—)
i’ve been trying to manage by unfollowing and blocking a few people (which btw, if i did that to you and we used to be mutuals, it’s probably nothing personal i mostly just kept people i’m a bit closer to). but i’m still not really settled. and considering how i’m posting like every other day about feeling like shit, you guys probably figured that out lmao.
and well. on a separate note. seeing that rat’s name alone is too much for me sometimes. i couldn’t watch his game with carlos. i spent hours in his match with daniil turned away from the television, wearing noise canceling headphones while trying (and failing) to talk myself down from a full blown anxiety attack. i’ve said this before but the way people talk about him, both the fucked up silence and the justified outrage, it reminds me way too much about a family problem i have right now. hits uncomfortably close to home. prior to this i kinda thought i’d made my peace with the whole family situation but no apparently not. had he won the semis, i wasn’t even sure if i would be able to stomach cheering for jannik if it meant having to watch that man play.
so. idk. between the way actual tennis has been making me feel and the way tennisblr in general has seemed for me lately, i figure i need some space.
long story short ive been spending way too much time on tumblr this ao. and its gotten really bad for my mental health i guess. so i think i need to take maybe a week or two, to clear my head. watch tennis without opening this app every other point. spend time with people i love. get back to therapy. try to be a functioning adult.
(this is so fucking dramatic for a goddamn week of no tumblr i know that and i want to smack myself upside the head because why am i like this why do i make things snowball why why why—)
anyway. yeah. that’s it. if you actually read through all of that then. thanks. if not it’s okay too.
to my mutuals, the ones whom i’ve had at least some form of friendly interaction with in replies or dms, you can ask for my insta account btw. not that i’m crazy active on there but like. if you guys wanna be friends beyond the anonymity of this yknow. no pressure though.
#sorry to get all sad again#been editing this on my drafts all day#ive not been in a good headspace lately#*
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Venting
TLDR: I’m not gonna be posting for a while sorry
I don’t know how much longer it’s gonna be until I have a total and utter meltdown/ breakdown whatever the worst one is cause it’s gonna happen soon. I just can’t deal with all this shit put onto me anymore, I already have enough to worry about with my exams but now I’ve got to worry about the fact I’m criminally underweight to the point that my shoulder blade got caught on my ribs and now Im in pain everyday of my life, I’ve got to deal with the fact my parents are having to pay for a private doctor that costs them hundreds per meetings. There’s a chance this might be permanent if I have it too long and I have no idea what to do if it’s already permanent, I’ll have chronic pain for the rest of my life. I can’t hold my arms above my head for even a minute without being exhausted,
I’ve got to deal with fact I’m pretty sure I’m depressed I just can’t feel anything anymore, and whenever I do feel stuff I’m sad or angry and I just can’t feel happy anymore. Every-time I do feel the slightest bit happy something comes and tears it away in literally minutes. Sleeping is all I do and eating makes me feel sick.
I can’t even let myself enjoy the things I do have because everything comes with the slightest bit of guilt. I buy books and I’m so tired I can’t pick them up. I buy games and I can’t leave my bed anymore. I can’t do a single thing without feeling guilty. I have to get my breakfasts carried to my room or I won’t eat until dinner and even then that’s all I eat. My parents are having to put protein powder like the things athletes take or I’m gonna end up more hurt. It’s never been this bad before.
I don’t have a single good thing happening in my life but still I’m forcing myself to act happy around people and I don’t even know why, I literally deleted this before because i thought it might be “too depressing” to post but ya know what? It’s my blog if I wanna scream to the void then it’s my void to scream into ya know? It’s funny that this is genuinly the only place I have to go. I can’t go to my parents, I can’t go to my friends. I don’t even know if I have friends anymore. I’m pretty sure my best friend is mad at me but I’m giving her space so I hope she isn’t mad at me
I love my parents, they’re trying so hard and I know they love me but god every time they talk to me it feels like something they say always ends up making me feel worse and I don’t even know why. Most of the time it’s just harmless jokes I spend the next weeks thinking of.
I’m so tired of just dealing with everything, I’ve not left my bed in weeks, my rooms a mess, I can’t eat and now I only sleep and draw. It’s all I do and I’m so stressed and tired and I just want to scream at someone and the notes app is getting to full of my angry thoughts so this is just me kinda hoping it’ll give me a rest. I’m really fucking tired.
So yeah if you read this far I probably won’t post for a while, I don’t have the energy.
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SPEAK FOR YOURSELF
CHAPTER 16: WOOYOUNG
wc: 5242
warnings: mention of death, violence, drugs etc, SMUT
prev chapter
***
san
i remembered that wooyoung was afraid. he was scared of what would happen if miss A ever found out he shot mingi and deliberately antagonized a hotshot black dragon. looking back, i thought the black dragons would be anatagonized anyway because we caused shit in their side of town to get yunho back, it shouldnt be this big of a deal.
so why are so many bad things happening?
i didnt go to school today. i emailed all my teachers a forged sick note, claiming i couldnt leave the house because i went to the doctor and got diagnosed with sinisitic dizzy spells. most of my teachers are really helpful and good people, so they sent me the work they did for the day so i wouldnt miss out.
being a 'delight to have in class' aka a quiet smart kid who wasnt a pain in the ass had its perks sometimes. regardless, i used my morning to get all my money ready, of which i had just over enough to go to miss A to get her off my back.
when i get there, the place is crawling with old gangsters. miss A is screaming at people and when she sees me she's shocked, as if surprised i actually had guts to show my face. shes propped behind a round steel table in her garage, leaning back in her chair and the room goes silent as her eyes are on me.
"look who it is," she says to me, dipping her cigarette in her ashtray. "Lucky, you better have good news for me."
i bow to her and put the potato sack of money on the table. unfortunately i didnt have anything really fancy like a briefcase. im a fucking gangster on a budget.
she glares at me. "potatoes? is this some kind of joke?"
three guys restrain me out of nowhere, holding a knife under my throat. my breath gets stuck in my throat and i only manage to force out one thing. "m-money."
she doesnt tell them to let me go, which pisses me off. what the hell did i do to make her this mad? she lifts the opening of the sack and only when she sees the cash does she wave the gangsters to get off of me.
they drop me so hard i fall with my butt on the floor and i make no real move to get up in case they jump me again. instead i get to kneeling. "miss A, that's the money from all the dealings."
"i can see that. oh wow, you actually decided to be useful," miss A says, getting up and coming up to me. she puts her hand down on my hair and gently scratches it like you would a dog and i struggle to not show any fear. "if only wooyoung could be like you."
her words make me sweat. "where is wooyoung, miss A?"
i swear, if she laid a hand on him. i dont know what i would do, but no one here, including me, would be left alive.
her eyes darken. "i was actually hoping you would tell me, Lucky. your brother has become a magician. a cold case."
she doesnt know? did wooyoung actually skip town?
"i told him to bring me the hand of who killed my boys or else i would have his. he hasnt been back in days."
fuck. this is bad. im actually starting to get dizzy.
someone rolls into the garage, and my face drops in horror at the man and his disfigured, burnt face. hes in a wheelchair, an armbrace and has a bandage wrapped over everything but his mouth and eyes.
"you and your buddy got changbin and a lot of good boys killed. look what they did to seonghwa." miss A says.
that's fucking seonghwa? he looks fucked. hes never recovering. he wouldve been better off dead. now he really looks like something out of a horror movie, a real, terrifying disfigured butcher.
"that hongjong motherfucker," miss A laughs but there's nothing joyful in it. "he came into MY warehouse, burnt MY cargo, killed MY men. and all because he was looking for you two."
im struggling to breathe. i dont show it but im silently breaking down. i cant take my eyes off seonghwa. thats it? thats my future? i might as well kill myself. seonghwa killed yunho, he was one of the topdogs in the gang. im fucking nothing. if thats what that hongjoong guy could do to him then its over for me.
"he said that?" is all i can get out. miss A lifts my chin and forces me to look at her.
"you're not a boy anymore, Lucky. you'll always be a baby in my eyes, but its time for you to get serious, dont you think?" she tells me. "wooyoung is gone. so someone has to fix this. you know the rules, you make a mess, and you clean it up."
"miss A-" i start stammering. i feel like im going to cry. "we didnt do anything. we never even met that hongjoong guy. wooyoung shot mingi because he tried to kill him. it was in self defence."
"did i ask for an account of what happened?" miss A's voice drips with sarcasm. "i dont care who did what. but my boys paid the price. i wont let an attack on my turf go unpunished. you find wooyoung and you two will go and kill that fucker or i'll have you swimming in a fishtank with the rest of yunho. am i clear?"
fuck no. fuck my life is over. i just started having sex and now i have to die. this is a fucking nightmare.
"yes, ma'am," i nod my head. "when do you want this done?"
"before my boys suffer another attack. he wants you, so let him come."
"you won't find him," seonghwa says and he sounds like a lays packet trying to talk. his voice is raspy and sounds terrible. "he only shows when he wants to be found. and he wanted to be found that day. so make him come to you."
i dont want him anywhere near me! i want to scream. look at what the fuck he did to you.
i have to run away. i have to do it tonight. i have to take everything. i cant think clearly, my brain is beating so hard i can feel it in my ears.
i nod and get up and miss A distractedly starts counting the money. "so you got the money fast. i always knew you could do it, you were just lazy before, yeah?"
i had help, i want to say. yaera's stealing, her savings, wooyoung stealing all mingi's gambling winnings, fucking jongho. i couldnt have done this on my own. i would have been dead by the end of this month.
i did all that, just to stay alive. only to have another target on my head. this...it never fucking ends. its only going to get worse. i cant win. this game, its unbeatable.
i almost want to laugh out of pure irony. and yaera wanted me to ask miss A for a fixed amount. she wanted to help me pay off my dads bullshit debt. im never going to be free.
my hopes and dreams are gone.
"you still have your dad's gun right?" miss A asks me. i say yes in the smallest voice.
she smiles. "you better get to using it then, Lucky."
i leave miss A's garage with nothing left in the tank. nothing but another assignment. an assignment that will kill me.
im the sacrificial fucking lamb. why is she doing this to me? because she thinks i can do it? because she wants to get rid of me? i did what she asked of me. i got her yunho. i got her the drug money. now she wants me to kill an assassin? an assassin that already has a bodycount of seven?
and hes brutal. four of those were other gangsters, luckily none of those were ours at the time, but he guts every one of his enemies. he was connected to a murder of a prostitute. and cut out the stomachs and sliced off the hands of two guys who apparently looked at his sister.
what the FUCK am i getting into.
i get home and i dont know what to do. everything comes crashing down on me. i throw my fist into the picture frames on the wall, sending glass bursting everywhere. i look at the picture of my parents, feeling nothing but burning hatred. i hate them both. i hate my mother for leaving me behind in this shit life and i fucking hate that bullshit excuse of a sperm donor for killing me.
he killed me. he signed my death sentence.
i start tearing everything apart. im ripping my apartment to shreds because nothing matters. this is all useless, nothing, i wouldnt fucking miss this place. i have nothing but awful memories here. but my anger doesnt last. it comes crashing down so fast that im left to collapse next to my bed and i cant stop myself from crying.
its over for me. everything is.
i had nothing to begin with. nothing except...
without even thinking, my bleeding hand reaches for my phone on my desk and calls her. she picks up on the first ring.
"san?" her voice is comforting and i dont know why. i dont fucking know this girl. she doesnt know me. but shes all i have. and i dont even reall have her. "are you okay? you never call me."
i cant even speak, im heaving into the microphone and sniffling uncontrollably.
"san?" she sounds more concerned. oh shes concerned for me. thats nice. i'll remember how nice it feels when i die.
"c-can you come over, please?"
i dont even recognize my voice. its cracking and its like the pained whimper of an animal. she puts off the phone and i wrap myself around my bedsheets, curling into a pathetic ball.
shes here within 15 minutes. i dont know how she got here so fast. she was supposed to be at school. it was still one period before lunch. she must have been skipping. i wish i skipped more class now that i know im not going to live very long. studying all that shit was pointless. i should have been living like her. like i dont have a care in the world. but i cant. and i never could.
she walks into my apartment with her eyes wide, dropping her blazer off her shoulders and onto my dirty floor. "what the hell happened? are you okay?" she runs and puts herself infront of me.
"did someone break in?" she holds my wet face. i never stopped crying. not once. she looks horrified seeing me this way. i cant imagine how bad i must look. "oh my god."
she hugs me. she hugs me and i grip her so tightly till i feel my lungs tighten. the tears are pouring harder now. im staining her white blouse.
"im going to die," i choke out. "they're going to kill me."
"what?" she gasps. "who?"
i try to speak but i dont stop crying. this is fucking awful. she shushes me and lets me continue, rubbing my hair in the softest way that makes me hope i wont die, just so that i'd experience it more than once.
"im here, dont worry."
of course you are. you're always here. always invading my apartment. always working on my nerves. always in my head since i fucking met you. i wish i didnt take that for granted for as long as i did. if i knew this was all i'd have left.
i dont know what possesses me. i pull away from her, my hands drift up to the buttons of her blouse. im careful so she knows i wont hurt her the way he did. she watches my bleeding knuckles, looking at me with tender eyes. she doesnt stop me. i flick open the first button as she stands above me.
"can i?" i choke out. "this is all i have."
she starts removing her own buttons. "you dont even have to ask," she tells me.
she trusts me so much. if this is all i have left then i dont want to destroy it.
she drops her blouse, revealing her bronze, skin bare skin and black bra. the sun in my blinds isnt doing her justice. i reach behind her and unclip her bra and her boobs spill out right in my face. her skin is warm. shes so warm. she lifts my ugly brown hoodie off my body, trailing her hand down my stomach.
her touch feels like satin. i dont deserve it. she doesnt deserve this.
"i-i dont want to use you as a coping mechanism," i tell her but im talking to a wall. i dont want to but i am. im going to die and all i want to do is fuck her one last time. there isnt enough time in the world.
she kisses me sorely, with way too much emotion for what we really are. two broken, fragile people. we have no business with each other, but she kisses me like i mean something.
"for you, san, i'd let you use me however you want," she whispers against my lips. "as long as its you."
i feel my heart pain. i want to cry again but my dick is hard and i can only focus on two things at once. so i deal with my boner first.
i slide down her thin, pink underwear from under her skirt and it drops to her ankles. she steps out of it and pulls my sweatpants out from under me, immediately sliding herself onto my dick.
she moans softly into my ear and it feels like heaven. shes like heaven wrapped in one complicated woman. she could destroy me. she could ask to end me and i would let her.
i'd rather it be you than anyone else.
i grip her softly and my hands are stinging but i dont care. i feel weak. but somehow with her here, it doesnt hurt as much. shes riding me slowly, its crazy how without any foreplay shes already drenched down there. i guess she does like me a little.
she peppers kisses all over my neck as i hold her up, losing my mind as she slowly sinks and rises onto me. i never fucking liked our stupid school uniform but seeing it on her like this, with her on me, just makes me lose my mind. jongho doesnt fucking know what he missed out on.
"you know i care about you right?" she whispers into my ear. "its about more than just the money. you know that right?"
my lips her are on her chest and i kiss her there slowly. "i know," i mutter. actually i didnt know that. i dont know what the fuck she sees in a dickhead like me.
"good," she says, then pushes me down to my back. she adjusts herself to straddle me properly but i cant watch her struggle to please me. i get back up and flip her under me, pushing her back down gently when she tries to protest.
"but-"
"i want you to feel the way you make me feel," i say. and i never thought i'd ever utter words like that. fuck, no wonder everyone thought i was gay.
i drag my lips down her perfect, sculpted torso and plant them onto her shivering, wet hole. she whimpers weakly as i stick my tongue inside, slowly impaling her with it. i dont care that im taking my time honestly. im going to die, so i might as well make this as long as it can.
i drink up her bitter juices, lapping my tongue across her slit. the moans she lets out are otherworldly, definetely worthy of a noise complaint. i dont mind it. i feel useful for once in my life. i slowly inch a finger into her warm hole, sucking on her pleasure button while im at it. i'd call it her clit, but thats too rough for me.
"san please," she begs. "i want you so bad, just fuck me already."
i stop at her request, getting up and over her. i line myself at her entrance, pushing in slowly. she throws her arms around my neck and the eye contact we have as i just lay there inside her is enough to make me drop it all. i'd drop it all and leave with her, wherever she wanted to go.
her hole feels like home. my dick fits perfectly inside her. its warm and hugs me and i cant get enough of it. i push in and out slowly, taking in her eyes. they havent left mine. her lips are parted in bliss, and i decide to kiss them. she moans into my mouth, and it feels like a fucking spell being casted on me. i accelerate the pace, and the lewd sounds of her squelching and our breaths syncing up are all that can be heard.
it turns around so fast. im fucking into her at a pace thats desperate. like if i fuck her any slower, its going to get taken away from me. everything will. her legs are wrapped around my waist and she clenches on me, as if she doesnt want me to ever leave. i dig my fingers into her skin, holding onto dear life as i feel myself getting closer.
"wait," she breathes. "i wanna do it standing up."
i pause mid stroke. "how?"
"against the wall. lift me."
i go along with it. we get up and she lays with her back against the wall, lifting her leg so i can put it in. i pick her up and she slides onto me perfectly, and this new angle makes my brain go foggy. its so much deeper and tighter, i can feel her soak onto me.
i start ramming into her against the wall and her hair is hanging down her face, making her look like a sexier version of the grudge. she looks utterly lost in it all, and its so enjoyable to watch. i feel like im doing something right seeing her looked so absolutely fucked out.
my legs grow weaker as i hit her walls, feeling myself getting closer to the edge. shes demanding, with her legs wrapped around me she wont stop till ive been emptied.
"you're so fucking perfect," she whisper-whines, and its enough for me to blow. i completely blow inside her and she creams on me at the same time, our juices mixed together like some fucked up smoothie.
i drop her and she doesnt remove her arms from my neck. instead she pulls my body towards her, till we're chest to chest, completely naked amd kisses me harder than she ever has before.
this isnt even because we're fucking. she just wants to do it. and honestly, i needed it so badly.
when she pulls away im left yearning for more. it makes me sick. "thank you," i tell her. "i needed this."
"i know," she says softly. "tell me everything."
***
after i tell yaera everything, we're sitting on the bed beside each other, a painful, weighing silence between us.
"what are you going to do?" she asks, sounding hopeless.
"i have to kill the guy. or miss A's going to kill me."
"the police?" she says but knows immediately it wont work.
"i'd die before miss A sees trial," i laugh emptily. "and i'd go to jail for sure. she has enough on me to make sure i'm wanted."
she's frowning. she's realizing money cant buy my freedom. or my life.
"after you kill that gangster...nothing will be the same," she says. "you'd have blood on your own hands."
i shrug and stare out of my window. "it ends here, yaera. for both of us."
she stands up abruptly and looks like she wants to break into sobs. "no you can't disappear after this. i still need you."
i smile weakly. hearing that makes me feel better. someone will miss me.
"when i'm gone, you can have my apartment. i have some money left over here, maybe you'll be able to get away for good. you'll never deal with that freak again."
she's not happy with my answer. "no, san. i dont want you to go. i dont want you to disappear. cant we catch a one way flight? can't we run? i'll run with you. i promise."
she actually wants to stay with me. when i dont answer yaera bends down infront of me, holding my hands. i cant believe how quickly things turned around. i have so much to lose.
"when you finish your business, we're getting the fuck out of here, okay? promise me. i'll get the tickets, i'll get everything ready. but promise me you'll come back to me."
i cant promise that i'll be alive. i want to, but i dont want to lie to her.
"i cant promise i'll make it back, yaera," i mutter. a tear rolls down her face. "and even if we run away, is this really sustaintable?"
"is what?"
"us?"
she scoffs. "i dont think now is the time to think of what we are. i dont care about defining this relationship, thats not important. all i know is, you're all i have."
"you're all i have too." i whisper.
"thats enough for me. so promise?"
"okay, i promise."
"good, now lets clean up here and pick a place on the map."
yaera and i spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning up my shattered apartment. i take my parents pictures and throw it in the spare room where i dont have to see it. when we're done, yaera makes herself at home and lays down in my bed watching youtube. i get dressed and she switches off her phone when she notices.
"where are you going?"
"remember those gangsters you met the night you followed me? im paying them a visit." i tell her.
"your dad's old gang...are you going to ask them to help you?"
"yeah. i wanna see if they've heard from wooyoung. get help where i can."
"okay. is it cool if i stay over?" she asks. "i dont feel like going home."
she doesnt even have to ask anymore. i say my goodbyes and make my way downtown.
getting into mao's place has always been shady, im surprised there are guys outside the door. they see me and are shocked to see me, letting me in and muttering shit in cantonese under their breaths.
i find mao sitting around a table and gambling and by god, i find wooyoung too.
he freezes when i see him and i have half the mind to beat the shit out of him. this is where hes been the whole fucking time?!
"sannie!" mao yelps with his cigarette dangling off his lips. "look we're finally good enough for him again! i heard you've been visiting everyone BUT me!"
i run across the room and catch wooyoung before he can run. then i pick him up and toss him into the closest wall. "you DICKHEAD!" i scream.
mao's men jump up from their seats and get between us. "woah woah woah!" mao shouts. "no fucking fighting under my roof! take that shit to the alley!"
"what the fuck man?!" wooyoung huffs. "arent you glad im alive?"
"you couldnt pick up a phone? you couldnt call me to let me know?" i snap. "i thought you fucking skipped town!"
"i had to toss my phone!" wooyoung stresses. "miss A is looking for me."
"i KNOW! I KNOW SHES LOOKING FOR YOU BECAUSE ITS BECOME MY PROBLEM, WOO!"
i start laughing hysterically. "we're fucked. we're both fucked because of you and i hope you know that."
wooyoung stands up, dusting himself off. he has a remorseful look on his face. fucking say something coward.
"i tried to keep you out of it," he admits shamefully. "i was gonna get it done."
"you were gonna kill hongjoong by yourself?" i scoff. "you'd be done for before you even do anything!"
"mao gave me a gun," woo says. i look to mao and he shrugs.
"you know about this?" i ask him.
"as long as he doesnt involve me, i dont mind helping out," mao says. "i dont want black dragons on this side of the world, but bae su ji is losing her touch."
"who the fuck is bae suji?" both woo and i ask angrily.
"Miss A."
"you know Miss A's government name?" woo questions. mao shrugs.
"we used to date in high school."
we're getting off track. im still fucking angry, i turn to wooyoung.
"so? let me hear this fucking plan of yours."
"i dont want you involved san. we cant both be dead."
it feels like my veins are going to pop. "she's going to KILL ME if i dont fucking do something about that hongjoogn fucker. he put seonghwa in a wheelchair and killed changbin. shes going to kill me if i dont get involved, woo, so just tell me the fucking plan."
"hongjoong's sister is getting married soon," mao interjects. "woo's gonna wipe him out there."
"and then im going to skip town for real," woo says with a dark look. "mao's arranged for me to go to hong kong. im gonna work for him there."
"you know who was also supposed to go to hongkong?" i laugh darkly. "yunho."
the room falls into uncomfortable silence aside from the sound of dominoes hitting the table.
"i'll be there, woo." i tell him. "im leaving town too."
"where are you going?" both mao and woo asks.
"im leaving with yaera," i answer woo only. mao is confused and wooyoung tells him its my girlfriend.
"you left Flor?" mao is shocked. i sigh remembering that yaera gave mao a fake name when she followed me. i dont dignify him with an answer.
"alright man," woo sounds defeated. "now you know. i didnt wanna keep in touch because i didnt want to make things worse."
"they're already bad, woo. you not telling me changed nothing."
ive calmed down significantly. i feel defeated but at least i know this bastard is alive.
"what about mingi?" i question. "he started this shit in the first place."
"im taking them both out," wooyoung says. "mingi's the groom. hongjoong's walking his sister down the aisle."
how convenient. two birds with one stone. now, how were we going to get out of it alive?
"WE, wooyoung," i correct him. "WE'RE taking them both out."
***
yaera
after i helped san clean up his rampage, i saw something interesting in his spare room.
i stare at the daewoo k5 in my hands, i never realized san was the kind to keep guns. with the way he lives, i guess i shouldnt be surprised. he needs it more than anything.
something dangerous popped into my mind when looking at it. the first thing i thought of was wiping santo off this earth.
wouldnt i be doing a good deed? taking that rapist, pedophile and fucking freak off this planet?
he called me again. from a different number. i never pick up unknown IDs because of him. but i picked up this time, and all i heard was him breathing harshly.
"i dont like being ignored, yaera. it hurts my heart. you dont want to know how i act when im hurt."
i wonder if yasmine found out, and thats how she ended up where she did.
i know he wasnt anywhere near her when she died, but the thought that he touched her the way he touched me...the fact that she enjoyed it. it was driving me insane. i feel myself losing it with every single thought that flashes by me.
i just want to leave. i want san to finish up his business, come out alive and free me from this place.
we decided on soroa, cuba. europe wouldnt be a good place for us to start over in. latin america would be fresh. its going to be better.
i tried to keep busy but my stomach ached for san. with every apartment i looked at, every beach and every municipality i imagined living in, i had a thought of san never seeing it. i feel so fucking helpless.
i cant fix any of this. i never could but ive never felt this cornered before now. if anything happens to him, i know im going to end up in a ward. i cant leave this place without him when he helped me get to this point.
my parents have left me so many missed calls. so have irina and claire. none from anya? thats weird. she always leaves me the most calls.
i decide to call irina back. i havent heard from them aside from drug related business so it'd be nice if she could take my mind off the fuckery thats been taking place. they always have the most interesting things to tell me. vacationing in saint tropez, partying in monaco, i'd love them to tell me about cuba.
irina picks up first ring. "hey girl–"
"you fucking bitch," she snares at me. i jolt up from the bed at her tone.
"hello?" i repeat in confusion.
"anya is DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!"
fire creeps up on my skin. it feels like all my hairs raising.
"w-what?"
"she fucking mixed whatever pill you gave her and she threw up all over herself. we fucking rushed her to hospital and she didnt make it!"
this has to be why my parents called me. oh my god. oh my god anya's dead.
"i dont know what you mean," is the first thing i say. probably not the best thing but its the first thing i could get out. there has to be people around her right now. i cant risk it.
"now you dont know what im talking about?" irina snaps. "you fucking killed her."
"anya has a history of drug abuse, irina. why are you blaming me for this? im sorry for what happened but dont call me with this bullshit ever again."
i quickly put off the phone and start hyperventilating. fuck this is a mess, my parents probably found out. they probably know. if i go home im screwed. i cant go home, they'll keep me there.
how do i stay out of this. i know i cant go to jail, none of them have any proof that i dealt them drugs. not a single shred of evidence. there are the cellphone records, but those calls cant get traced back to me. the phone's too old. i need to stay away from them.
i have to fix this, somehow. i cant unload it on san he has enough on his plate. but it sounds like ive made an enemy out of the closest thing i have to friends. i dont know what to do.
i look at the gun on my lap. i have to finish the story.
***
next chapter
tagslist: @sansonlygf @brown88 @yujispinkhair @mountiiny
#ateez angst#ateez imagines#choi san angst#ateez fanfic#ateez fic#ateez crime au#ateez gang au#ateez smut#choi jongho#choi san#park seonghwa#song mingi#choi san fluff#choi san smut#ateez x reader#ateez ot8
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Magic Mike Audition
TW: A real jerk of a customer, minor injuries, I feel like shirtless Mitch is a warning? Nothing crazy this time ya'll.
Per usual not edited, please forgive any mistakes but I had written this by hand and then typed it up.
Also, if you were the human who said something about Sunny wearing Mitch's clothes, this is obviously inspired! I can't find the note/info in my activity because of the boop madness but TYSM!!
I glanced up as Ann approached, a small frown out of place with her normally chipper attitude. “What?” I asked, straightening with a stack of dirty plates balanced on one hand, glasses in the other. Our bus boy had called off and it had been super busy, Mitch barely even getting out from behind the bar to help us out on the floor. At least the tips were nice if nothing else, the people seeing how we were swamped with two waitresses, no buser, and one bartender.
“Guy at 10 is an ass.” She muttered, looking over her shoulder. I followed her gaze and spotted a middle aged man mean mugging her.
“What is his problem?” I asked, glancing back at her as we walked to the kitchen together. She began punching an order into the POS screen back there while I cleared the plates I had brought back, lining them up in the sturdy plastic tray prepping to be washed. The young dishwasher gave me a thankful smile and I returned it. He was a nice kid Mitch had just taken on, sweet by shy.
“Says he hates redheads.” Ann snipped, the sound of her nails hitting the POS screen a loud tapping noise in the kitchen.
I frowned, seeing that she was very clearly a loud and proud redhead, her pretty hair pinned out of her face but in no way hidden. “Want me to take him?” I offered. I didn’t really mind difficult customers and if his issue really was redheads then problem solved.
She glanced at me, fingers pausing over the poor screen she had been abusing moments before. “You sure?”
I gave a small shrug. “Sure, why not. You’ve had a few jerks today, share the love and all that.”
Her grin was immediate. “You are an angel. You hear that, Keller? Sunny is a real angel!”
Hearing her say his name I looked back to find Mitch was in the kitchen at the pick up window getting a few orders for his customers at the bar. He paused, glancing between myself and Ann before sending me a half smile. “I know.” He said, grabbing the plates full of food. “But why do you think she is?”
Ann gave me an amused look, always a little entertained that Mitch was never shy about complimenting me. “Because,” She said, wrapping up the last of her order, the few final clicks of her nails on the screen sounding somehow more satisfied. “She’s jumping on one massive asshole grenade.” Flashing me one last smile Ann breezed out of the kitchen, obviously lighter now that she had been relieved of table 10.
“Darlin’.” Mitch said, a plate balanced on each hand, looking down at me but giving nothing away. “Explain.”
“Table 10 told Ann he doesn’t like redheads so I’m gonna take it from her.” I said, smiling at him with a little ‘shoo’ motion. “I’m a big girl, cowboy. That food is gonna get cold if you keep standing here pesterin me.”
“Sunny.”
“Mitch.” I said his name with a smile on my lips. “You can see me from the bar. Now git.”
“You tell ‘im girl.” Charlie called from over the pit grill, making me laugh as I left the kitchen as well.
Ann of course had been right. This guy was an absolute dick. A whole fucking bag of them really. Not only was he rude, but he was also picky, a tragic combination in a human.
His beer had to have three orange slices, three, he had repeated at least six times while I write it down with the patience of a saint. His fried pickles had to be extra crispy, and his ribs had to be drowning in sauce. He spoke in a condescending, slow tone, pausing to ensure I wrote down every one of his words as if they were scripture. And the douche canoe made sure to let me know that he had absolutely no issues sending food back. Shocker.
I went to the back to grab the pickles when they came up, dropping them at his table before checking in with my other tables as I was covering half the dining area. He didn’t kick up a fit so I thought I was in the clear.
I was wrong.
I heard Charlie hit the little bell that let us know that some food was in the window. Knowing mine was up next I went to the back and spotted what could only be described as a plate of bar-b-que sauce, ribs barely visible with the amount of sauce. The plates had a raised edge so quiet a bit was on there, but he had been very insistent he wanted them swimming and those ribs were damn near doing laps.
I grabbed the plate carefully and the other plate with his sides, as they obviously couldn’t go with the ‘swimming’ ribs. “Thanks Charlie!” I called as I walked out, beelining to table 10.
I slid the plates before him with a friendly smile, not betting on a tip but trying to still be polite. Glancing up I noticed his beer with his three orange slices was nearly gone and I paused. “Would you like ano-”
“What is this?” He cut me off, looking down at the plate at what I would personally call bar-b-que soup at this point.
“Oh,” I said, brushing off his interruption. “Those would be your ribs, and I had your sides put on another plate. Does it not look right?” I asked, knowing full well this was exactly what he ordered.
“Do you think this is funny?” He snapped, eyes lifting to focus on me now, clearly not pleased.
“Do I look like I’m laughing?” I asked, looking down at him as my hands rested on my hips. I was polite to a point, didn’t mind working with customers on their weird requests, but this guy was just the absolute worst. I was kind, but I was no doormat. “You ordered exactly what is in front of you. If something looks wrong I can fix it, but you’ve got to tell me.”
His face turned a shade of red I’d never seen, skin blotchy with his brows pinching together. He slowly stood, glaring down at me before doing something I hadn’t been prepared for.
Putting his hand under the lip of the plate the asshole flicked it towards me, the lake of sauce and ribs splattering against my front as the plate fell to the floor. It shattered loudly, the ribs falling next as I stood there. The sauce was hot, not to the point of it being dangerous, but it didn’t feel pleasant.
“Oh no.” I heard someone say but I was already moving.
“Alright asshole, come here.” I growled, hands falling into fists as I went to swing. A cool hand wrapped around my upper arm, stopping me mid strike and I wrestled against Ann’s hold. Luckily for this asshole Ann was scrappy, stronger than she looked, and she began to pull me away from the jerk who looked far too smug.
“Let me- Ann! Let me go!”
“Let Mitch handle this one, Sugar.” She whispered to me, pulling me to the back. I looked back at the asshole of a customer only to see him getting literally dragged out to the parking lot by Mitch whose face reminded me of thunder clouds right before a violent storm.
“God damnit.” I cursed under my breath, marching to the back without a fight as the target of my rage was out of sight. Ann followed after me, a little like a nervous bird fluttering about for a few moments before finally settling on trying to get some sauce off my front with a handful of rags. There was just way too much, I felt it smear on my skin, the sweet smokey scent filling my senses. But it gave her something to do, and distracted me, irritated I hadn’t even gotten a punch in.
There was a tense few moments of Ann basically smearing still warm sauce on my shirt before she glanced up. “M’sorry, Sunny.” She murmured, bright eyes dropping back down to the mess she was really only making worse with her efforts.
Her tone and expression sucked the anger right out me. I deflated, a long sigh pulling from me before I shook my head. “Ann, no. Hey.” I gave her arm a squeeze, thankfully not leaving any smears on her. Someone had to be able to handle tables while I got cleaned up, not both of us could be 90% sauce after all. “That guy was gonna be a jerk no matter what. That isn’t your fault, okay? It’s fine. I’m not hurt I’m just… sauced.” I admitted, nose scrunching slightly at the unpleasant feeling.
“Perfect good waste of my sauce, too.” Charlie chimed in, sounding grumpy. Ann and I exchanged a look before cracking up. “What? It is!”
Mitch walked in, hands fisted at his sides, pausing in surprise to find Ann and I both laughing. I’m sure he had expected to have to come in and handle a demon (me), but really nothing bad had happened. Least he didn’t grab my ass. Seeing us both unharmed and apparently in good spirits he moved closer. “Ann, tables.” He ordered, still a bit tense.
“On it boss.” She said, winking at me before handing me the sauce smeared rags and heading back out to the dining area.
Mitch didn’t look away from me, taking in the mess that I was and the way Ann had certainly not helped. “C’mon.” He said, gesturing with a tilt of his head towards his office.
I followed after him, careful not to accidentally bump into him or the walls. The moment the door was closed Mitch reached out and plopped me down on the edge of his desk with no warning. The feeling of his hands on my hips, lifting and then lowering me had my eyes widening slightly and I looked up at him.
Before I could react or say anything he spoke first. “You okay, darlin’?” He asked, hand lifting and thumb brushing against my cheek. I felt something smear and knew that I had sauce there too.
“M’okay.” I murmured quietly, looking up at him. “Sauce was a little hot but not too bad. I’m mostly mad.” I admitted. That got me a half smile which was a vast improvement.
His fingers lingered on my cheek a moment before falling to the hem of my shirt. “Course you are fine, what was I thinking?” He muttered mostly to himself, amused as he started to peel off my shirt. Mitch was careful, ensuring that the shirt didn’t get anything into my hair or smear it on my skin more than it already was. I let him knowing I would have struggled and made a larger mess. Plus, there was no saving the shirt with how drenched it was.
He tossed the shirt into the bin and it made a spat noise that had me frowning. Together the two of us cleaned the sauce with Mitch getting most of it, grabbing the package of baby wipes Ann kept in her cubby for emergencies. She swore they were the best make up removal wipes ever but hadn’t tested it myself. Worked wonders of bar-b-que sauce though.
‘At least I wore a plain bra.’ I thought, thankful that the simple black bra wasn’t in danger of being ruined. If one of my cute pale ones had gotten sauced I would have been pissed.
Mitch gave me one more once over and I noticed that some of my skin was a little pink and sensitive. Guess the sauce was hotter than I had felt. I wasn’t too bad though, more annoying almost than anything, a dull pain. Mitch’s touch was unbelievably soft though, fingertips glossing over my skin gently as he helped to clean me up. It was nice, and while I wouldn’t voluntarily step in the way of flying plates in the future, I didn’t mind getting this kind of treatment from the man looming over me. On his desk. The very desk where he had me falling apart just last week.
As if reading my thoughts Mitch’s eyes slid up from the middle to meet mine, the zing of awareness coloring my cheeks slightly. He let out an amused little exhale, lips quirking up, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he took a little step back, tossing the used wipes into the bin as well before grabbing the first aid kit.
Without the heat of his larger form close I felt goosebumps race up my arms and I frowned, glancing around the office to see if I could find a spare shirt to borrow for the rest of my shirt. Normally Mitch had a few shirts with the bar's logo on it for people to buy, but hadn’t ordered any in a hot minute.
Mitch came back with the kit, settling the little metal box next to me on the desk before popping it open. “Lean back a little, I want to get some burn cream on your stomach.” He said, pulling a little packet of said cream from the kit, eyes on the pink skin of my abdomen.
“I don’t need it, honest.” I tried to reassure him, not wanting him to go through all the fuss. Mitch reached out silently, his hand gentle as he pressed against my collarbone so I had to lean back, my arms holding more of my weight.
“Humor me.” He said in that honey laced tone that had me nodding mutely, looking up at him all doe eyed. “Good girl.” He praised, voice low and sweet, the words rumbling from him into the small space between us. Then he began to apply the cream to any part of my skin that was looking a little irritated or pink.
It was cold, I sucked in a little breath that had his pretty blue eyes jumping to my face to check in. Seeing that it hadn’t been a pain induced sound he smirked before continuing. His touch was gentle, borderline adoring even, rubbing little circles with a light pressure as the cream soaked into my skin. It hadn’t been a bad burn but it had been a little sore, almost like a sunburn. Still, I was touched that he insisted on taking care of them, as non-serious as they were.
His hands slid up my bare sides, palms a little rough on my skin in the best way, his thumbs rubbing soothing little circles along the way. I was smiling, watching his hands glide over my skin before glancing up at him through my lashes. This man either had no idea how handsome he was or he didn’t care, even now in this moment with those thick lashes and deep blue eyes. The way his hair fell a little from his hat, or the way his lips were just slightly parted as he concentrated on me. Focused. It was addictive, having his complete and total attention.
“It does feel better.” I admitted, earning another smile from him. Mitch leaned in, giving me a chaste kiss before straightening, his warm hands leaving my skin. I nearly pouted, wanting to continue to be spoiled with his care and attention.
Then he took me by surprise, reaching instead to undo the buttons of his flannel. I blinked at him, confused as to what exactly he was doing. He paused, seeing my confusion, but instead of answering the obvious question he flashed me that teasing smile before taking off his hat and sliding it onto my head, pulling the bill low so it blocked my vision.
I adjusted it with a huff, uncaring it if mussed my hair. “Not that I don’t appreciate a good show,” I started, watching him undo the next few buttons a little slower than before. Flirt. “But wanna share why you’ve decided to join me in the shirtless club?”
“Well,” Mitch said, smiling as he shrugged the flannel off. He set it next to me on the desk, leaving him in that deliciously semi-fitted black t-shirt. The kind that hugged his biceps just right and showed the strength of him without being uncomfortable, the material soft and hanging just right on his form. God bless whoever invented that cut of shirt. “You aren’t working shirtless, much as I would appreciate the view, I don’t really want everyone else getting an eyeful.”
“While I don’t disagree, that doesn’t explain why you are doing a Magic Mike audition right now.”
He pulled his shirt off in one practiced move, grabbing the back of the collar and lifting it over his head and then off his arms. It left his hair a little mussed and he let out a laugh at my comment, his free hand reaching up to smooth his hair back once more. My mouth was so dry, eyes slightly wide as I took in just how absolutely sexy that was and how tempting he looked right now.
Seeing me at a loss for words made him a little smug and he reached out, attempting to put the shirt on me. “I-Mitch, I can wear a bar shirt, you don’t have to.” I stammered out, cheeks a little warm, meeting those familiar blue eyes that had warmed with humor and a slightly less innocent heat.
“Don’t have any, Sunshine.” He said, taking a half step closer, one of his thighs splitting mine and resting against the edge of the desk as he got even more in my space.
Christ but did he look good. Mitch wasn’t packed with muscle but he was still obviously strong. His arms were thick, body trim with very little extra weight, slightly softer in the middle. His pants were a little low too, that fancy silver buckle of his gleaming even in the low light of the office. I was far too distracted by the fine line of dark hair that traveled down his lower stomach to disappear into his jeans that when Mitch pulled his hat off my head and back onto his own I jumped, surprised. It had me blushing, looking up at him as he let out a pleased laugh, fingers brushing under my chin teasingly.
“Darlin’, you keep looking at me like that and poor Ann is gonna have to run the bar alone.” He teased while a very real spark of heat lit in his dark eyes.
I swallowed before letting out a huff, lifting my arms to allow him to pull his shirt over my head.
Mitch was bigger than me so the shirt was obviously oversized on me. The sleeves weren’t tight around my arms, and the material bunched near my hips. It wasn’t unflattering, it just didn’t look as good on me as it did on him. It smelled like cigarette smoke and bar food but under that I caught a whiff of his body wash and cologne, the fabric still a little warm from his skin. Something about that made my skin tingle, hand lifting to gently play with the collar of the shirt as I looked up at him.
“Little big but it’ll do.” He hummed, leaning back slightly to adjust his hat once more, blue eyes scanning over my figure to take in how I looked in his shirt. From his expression Mitch Keller really liked me in his shirt. A lot.
“Thanks.” I mumbled, distracted by the scent of him right under my nose. I watched him grab the flannel once more and slide his arms into the sleeves, starting to do the buttons up once more. I reached out with a grin, helping him do the buttons up, fingers brushing his skin with a faux innocence. Without the t-shirt under the flannel a small patch of his chest hair was visible. It felt naughty for some reason, the little bit of previously hidden skin peaking out of the collar of his shirt. It didn’t help that he rolled up the sleeves to his elbows.
God, I was a lucky lady.
Watching him roll up his sleeves unashamed I caught sight of something out of place and frowned, reaching out to gently grab at his right hand. Lifting it up so I could see better in the garbage lighting of the office my eyes lifted to his.
Mitch’s knuckles were bruised, a few slightly split open. Clearly from when he’d dragged that jerk out to the parking lot. Not that I’d guessed they’d had a civil conversation, but seeing physical proof of what Mitch was willing to do for me? It made the butterflies in my stomach fill up my whole body and I felt like warm butter, ready to melt if he so much as touched me.
“Thank you.” I said softly, pressing a small kiss to the back of his hand, ever mindful of his injuries. “For always saving me.”
“Y’don’t need saving, Sunny.” He responded, voice low and warm. “But I’m glad I get to.”
I smiled at that, holding his hand in one of mine while the other dug around the first aid kit. “Lemme patch you up and then we can both go save Ann.”
“Alright, Darlin’. Whatever you say.”
More Mitch and Sunny here
#fanfic#mitch keller#garrett hedlund#tulsa king#mitch keller fanfiction#female oc#garrett hedlund fanfiction#Sunny and Mitch
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making a copy of this bc op disabled reblogs and i just got reminded it existed and would like to not lose it
ok so . im outing myself to the world but thats fine this is too funny to not share
so. ive run a roleplay blog for a few years. i keep it separate from my main, yknow, its just a side hobby and ive been doing it since i was like, 12. its cringe but hey yknow at least im not 30 and writing ya novels
now its pretty common for rp blogs these days to have rules. right? you dont want to just bag any weirdo on this website, and as you can imagine bnha roleplayers are batshit crazy (see: conversion therapy todoroki) so mine are pretty strict and detailed. because ive been doing it long enough to be exposed to what counts as carbon monoxide poison from a screen. one of those rules is "if youre mutuals with people who write porn of the kids even aged up im blocking you we're keeping a ten foot pole on this". because as a 20 year old man i have a healthy disinterest in seeing paragraphs of teenagers fucking
so the dash is astir with talk of a guy writing age up bakugou porn and im like ok whatever. make a post bitching about it . mutual likes those posts but then the mutual is turning around and being buddy buddy with this guy so i dm the mutual like hey whats going on here . mutual is like "well why dont you talk it out with him hes not as mean as he seems i prommy" and im like sure whatever i can have civil conversation and if it ends with One Less Person writing weirdo porn then i might be able to get into heaven
so i dm him and he loses his fucking mind. it lasted all of 10 minutes because he was sending paragraphs like this and i was too tired to give a shit
(take note of my icon thats a special tool thatll help us later)
(also he goes by the name rxgelord. WITH the x. thats also important just because its funny as fuck)
so the guys clearly bothered by the idea that people might possibly talk about him without his permission and im a little miffed after being misgendered (which hed do again later) so i just post our dms. swing first and hey batter batter lets play ball i dont give a shit this is bnha roleplay
once again: loses his damn mind. he makes a psa post about me talking about how im just some pussy infant and hes too HARD for me and shit and also they do bakudeku muffin roleplay in the comments of that post which is fucking insane
anyway. at one point while joking about the whole thing i called him a "wannabe bakugou kinnie" as a joke and apparently he felt a very serious need to address this
and im like holllllllllllllly fucking shit
you may have noticed that his posts are incredibly over-formatted. this goes for everything he does he is pouring a LOT of time and energy into typing his 9 paragraphs about how im an insane bitch or whatever. (if theres literally one thing i can give him credit on its that his graphic editing skills are kinda good. i will be honest) his rules document is also just as insane and features gems such as:
(this dude thinks hes pulling bitches on a bnha roleplay blog)
so we're just full on ragging on him at this point and hes getting MADDDDDDD MAD. he misgenders me again and when i point it out he has the following excuse:
(art by @/pcktknife. anyways)
after a certain point i get dmd an old copy of a 130+ page callout he had a year prior and im like WHAT and it included his yugioh rp blog career and various allegations like having been involved in gang violence, doxxing, etc. also a picture of the hickies he bragged about leaving on his uwu pink glitter gf which looked more like he was trying to go for the killing bite but hey. yknow. apparently im a toddler idk how that works
along in this we also find his twitch account, which was under the name rxgelord, and it featured edited graphics of his real life face with bakugou. he posts selfies a lot too i wont share them even if theyre public but he has knuckle tats and a goatee and uses the greyscale filter. if this gives you an idea. he also had 5 twitch followers and detailed his desire to be a rapper/dj and im like holllllly fucking shit this guy cant be a real person. holy fuck.
anyways. skipping a lot of unnecessary bullshit and paragraphs of text with gifs from 2013 attached hes constantly going on about how we wont just "say it to his face" which i think is hilarious bc i was, the entire time. but im like ok fine you want me so bad
so i send him this. he posts about how "he won when he got all might" (for some reason hes calling my ex mutual by the character name. i dont know) and then hasnt posted in 4 days. he deleted his twitch. im a little worried bakugou. dont say that. may have actually chased this man off the internet . to go have real life sex with his real life girlfriend so he isnt so mad
anyway we ended up turning one of his posts into an eminem uberduck
im honestly probably forgetting something this was so much and it was so fucking funny and honestly im glad to have been there
update: he has not in fact posted since last summer. god bless.
#just copy pasted it . for posterity#very funny how in the og ppl are asking abt ctt. dont worry abt it#bakugou dont say that
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listen i know i’m late but i needed time to read this and process because i knew it was gonna be big AND I WAS RIGHT OMG THIS CHAPTER WAS AHHHHH
ok i’m sorry this is gonna be long full analysis mode.
first of all when reader was reading and remus shows up i would have thrown the book in a panic. she’s better than me coming up with lies out of thin air!!
but also the story about sirius eating a moonflower sounds so cannon to me like he would eat random wildlife and not think about the consequences!!
i screamed when remus sent the note to alice like PLEASE WE ARE RIGHT HERE!!! LET ME LOVE YOU!!! LET SIRIUS LOVE YOU!!! LET US TAKE CARE OF YOU!!! like how do i show you i could treat you better??? ALEXA PLAY TREAT YOU BETTER BY SHAWN MENDES!!!
when i tell i audibly went “oh my god bro WHO INVITED YOU?!?!?” when evan, barty, and snape appeared like how can someone be so entitled??? and the way they were treating reader??? it pissed me off she couldn’t defend herself like shawty needs a gun at this point 🙄 give them a good old american welcome
but when they mentioned the bow???? omg???? I LOVE HOW MY POOKIE WENT THE EXTRA LENGTH TO. PROTECT US AND IT JUST MAKES IT SO MUCH MORE SPECIAL WHEN. SHE GAVE IT TO READER AND THW WHOLE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR JOKE LIKE ANDENJSNSKS
leading to the shrieking shack the way barty talks just makes me mad for some reason like idk he’s just so annoying but besides that the way reader didn’t just give up and actually fought to try and get out? i love her and how smart she is like finding a iron poker and trying to open the door and then using the silencing spell to her advantage to be quiet when she was sneaking around to the room and using it as a weapon??? what a clever fox!!!
SPEAKING OF THE ROOM SHE BURST OPEN!! REMUS!!! my boy being so concerned about reader he doesn’t even question why she’s here just trying to make sure she’s ok ☹️ he’s everything! the “ Remus was completely focused on you, he wanted, no, he needed to comfort you.” destroyed me. like his need to comfort reader??? are you kidding me??? sobbing.
AND REMUS FOUND OUT READER KNOWS!!!! OMG FINALLY!!! remus just going “i wanted to tell you” like babe you don’t owe us NOTHING!!!! you don’t need to tell us anything you don’t want to???
but remus asking reader if she knew any defensive spells and reader going you mean MURDER SPELLS?!?!? hell nah i burned that shit. and remus being upset like you need to defend yourself and readers little “if it comes down to me vs you i’m picking you” THROWING MYSELF OFF THE ASTRONOMY TOWER OMG!!!!
ok but can we talk about the “Don’t be so fucking stubborn and bomb the shit out of me.” and reader using that to remember a spell??? how smart is she???? like and the way she was so quick with it too and immediately put up a protective spell over her and remus??? AND THE WAND!!! LETS TALK ABOUT THE WAND LETTING READER USE IT!!!! we all know the whole the witch/wizard doesn’t choose the wand the wand chooses the witch/wizard and how picky the wands can be AND YET REMUS’ WAND LET READER USE IT AS IF IT WERE HER OWN?!?!? I LOVED THAT DETAIL SO MUCH!!!
but back to reader and remus i gasped so loud when reader realized this was exactly like her dreams LIKE NOOOOO!!! but i loved how she used the nightmare to her advantage and used it as a guide almost? AND WHEN SHE USED THE WHOMPING WILLOW AGAINST REMUS!!! (or rather moony) I CANT SAY THIS ENOUGH SHES SO CLEVER AND SMART AND QUICK!!! (ahem ahem 🦊)
when reader ran to the woods instead of the castle my thoughts were “well maybe now she can find the moonflower!” and then it mentions her finding the moonflower and all i can think about is “PROPHET PROPHET!!! IM A PROPHET!!!!” 😭
also the bones of the fox??? and moony just appearing out of no where??? that’s literally horrific. but when she was trying to reason with remus but used moony instead and HE LISTENED!!! THAT WAS SO SMART!!! LIKE I LOVE HOW YOU MADE REMUS AND MOONY TWO DIFFERENT BEINGS!!! AND THE WAY IT SEEMED LIKE MOONY WAS ACTUALLY PAYING ATTENTION AND LISTENING TO READER?!?!? IT WAS SUCH A COOL MOMENT!!! AND I WANT MORE OF THEM INTERACTING!!! because now i’m wondering if the reason why people couldn’t reason with werewolf’s wasn’t because the wizard/ witch couldn’t reason with them but because they’re literally gone and it’s a whole different being that has different relationships and a different personality! which is why moony didn’t want to attack prongs, wormtail, and padfoot! BECAUSE THOSE ARE MOONYS FRIENDS!!!! like how james, peter, and sirius are remus’ friends!!!!! OMG SO MANY THOUGHTS AND I KNOW THEY DONT MAKE SENSE BUT HEAR ME OUT ITS ALMOST OVER!!!
i was so upset when sirius showed up like i wanted to see more of reader and moony see if she could actually convince him to leave her alone but i get it from sirius pov he thought there was no reasoning all he wanted to do was protect reader and the way reader wanted to protect “fang”??? she’s a sweetheart
can we bring up how fucking smart reader is again??? like she keeps on putting everything together so fast it’s scary! the way she realized the animals around her were sirius, james, and peter??? and the way she was just so proud of her friends for becoming an animagus! BUT THE WHOLE “ Finally, you smiled, recalling one last trick you had under your sleeve.” I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE IT PLAY OUT!!! IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT SINCE I BROUGHT UP THE THEROY IN THE EARLIER CHAPTERS!!!! AND ITS FINALLY COMING AND THE CLIFFHANGER HAS ME IN A CHOKEHOLD!!! I NEED MORE!!!
lord….i’m sorry for how long this is i’ll cut it off here it was an amazing chapter and i can’t wait for more
OK IM GONE!!!
Your theories never fail to amaze me, darling! I freaking love reading them so much! The longer they are and the more I read the more I realize all the tiny little details I've placed in the story are so worth it because my sweet Sherlock Holmes level of detail readers are just the absolute smartest ever?!
Like you're calling reader so smart but you had a theory about what's gonna happen next like 7 weeks ago? You're just as equally clever my little fox! And I would def give you the prophet title too.
And then you see so many things that make writing so worth it, I swear I LOVE THIS!
I love you guys so much, Wednesday is coming sooner than ever, so you will not be hanging off that cliff for so much more.
Read Gilded Constellations Here
#ask lilly#lilly talks#imagine#marauders era#marauders x reader#marauders x y/n#moony#padfoot#prongs#sirius black#sirius x reader#sirius black fluff#sirius x you#sirius x y/n#remus x y/n#remus x you#remus x reader#remus one shot#sirius black one shot#poly!marauders x reader#poly!marauders#wolfstar x reader#wolfstar x y/n#wolfstar x you#sirius black x fem!reader#remus lupin x fem!reader#moony x reader#moony x padfoot#moony wormtail padfoot and prongs#moony x you
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Just thought of this:
All the Scarecrows you write for reacting to their trans S/O (who takes T injections) having just injected their/his leg, forgetting about it and while still sitting down laughing at a joke and slapping their thighs as a reaction. S/O then proceeds to yell out in pain because they/he accidentally slapped the spot they just injected, causing them to laugh even harder at their/his own misfortune
(Sorry if the ask is a bit long)
this took a bit long bc of the amount of characters and bc i was worried abt this being inaccurate bc i myself don't take t shots D:
Anyhow, this was fun to write!
Arkhamverse, BTAS, BTAA, DK Scarecrow x reader
Warnings & Notes: obv mentions of syringes, could be ooc in some parts bc im still a bit rusty, not proofread
ARKHAM ASYLUM
“I assume you won’t be needing help with that.” Jonathan stated quite matter-of-factly as he walked past you to his workstation. You hummed in response, gently flicking the needle to get any air bubbles out.
Sticking the needle in your thigh carefully and injecting the liquid, you watched Jonathan get to work – he was always so calm and calculated. Taking out the needle, you sighed in relief. You were taken aback by the sound of glass shattering, which made you turn towards the source of the noise – Jonathan’s work station. There, on the ground laid the remains of a glass bottle and a puddle of orange liquid. Jonathan’s irritation was evident in his… lack of an expression and tense posture. It wouldn’t have been funny if it weren’t for the second bottle falling onto the ground when he turned away. You put your other hand across your mouth to avoid laughing at the situation. Your other hand, however, landed a bit harder than necessary on your thigh, right on top of where the needle was injected.
“FUCK-” you yelled, making Jonathan turn to face you so quickly you’d think he’d get whiplash. The situation and his reaction just made you laugh even more and he practically ran to you to assess the damage. “No, Jonathan, It’s fine- I’m just-” You laughed, making him take a few steps behind.
“You really shouldn’t be so reckless with your medication-” He started, crossing his arms with a grin on his face.
“You really gonna go all doctor on me?” You laughed at him, holding onto his shoulder for balance.
“I’m afraid so.” He said, grinning.
ARKHAM KNIGHT
Gotham was in complete, utter chaos. Ever since Scarecrow announced his prescense and the Arkham Knight’s militia came to the city, everyone left – except for the people wanting to take advantage of the situation and the people trying to resolve the situation. People like the penguin, Mad hatter and even firefly were in the city, doing what they did best.
You had been just taking your t-shots when the comms rang – Nygma was trying to contact Jonathan. Putting the empty syringe on the table, you walked into his lab.
“Jonathan, you done yet? Nygma is uhh… trying to contact you.” You walked into his lab – it was pretty clean if you ignored the stray bottles and notes laying around. “Said it’s something about-”
“His plans do not concern me. He’s distracting batman – that’s all that matters right now with him.”
“Allright, I’ll make sure to tell him.” You chuckled at his irritation with Nygma and walked just outside the lab. You turned on the radio, hearing nygma mutter something about having to wait so long. “Nygma?”
“You?! I called scarecrow, not you!”
“Yeah, well, he isn’t available right now.” You sighed, already tired with him. “So leave a message or call later.” You could practically hear the smoke come out of his ears as he started,
“What could be so important he can’t answer to me?!”
“I don’t know, working? Making more toxin? Planning? There’s a lot of options, if I’m honest.” You laughed. Before he could respons, the connection cut. Did he break it in frustration? Did he cut the connection? Whatever the case, you found it funny. You started to quietly laugh at him, slapping your thigh. You shouted in pain, catching Jonathan’s attention in the lab. This only made you laugh more, and he came out.
“Are you allright?” He asked, voice emotionless as ever.
“Ye- yeah, just- give me a moment here.” You responded, laughing on the ground.
BTAS
“You’re sure you weren’t imagining it? You know, wouldn’t be too outrageous if one of them toxin canisters were leakin’..” You questioned Anthony, one of Jonathan’s goons doubtfully, with a slight smile on your face.
“No, no! I swear! I saw it with my own two eyes!” He tried, but you weren’t buying it.
“Batman has a kid fight for him? You really believe that?” You asked, unknowing that he did, indeed have a boy wonder fight by his side now. “I mean, I’d expect him to be against having some kid fight with him.”
“No, I saw a guy get his ass handed to him by that kid!” Nigel joined in.
“You what?” You asked, giggling a little. “You’re sure?”
“Yeah! He was maybe like this tall-” He started, holding up a hand at a height he claimed this boy wonder was at. “And the guy didn’t stand a chance!” You laughed at this, slapping your hand at your thigh, where you had a fresh injection site. You felt a sting in your thigh, and cursed in pain.
“OW, SHIT-” you yelled, standing up from your chair. Nigel and Anthony looked at you worriedly, which only made you laugh at the situation.
“What’s going on here?” Jonathan asked as he walked into the room.
“Boss- They just- yelled in pain and now-” Anthony started explaining as Jonathan looked down at you.
“I’m- I’m fine, I promise.” You laughedm looking up at Jonathan. “Just stings a bit” He furrowed his brows at this, concerned.
“We’ll uhh… leave them to you, boss,” Anthony said as he dragged nigel with him outside the room.
“...Did you hit the injection site?”
“Maybe.”
“I told you not to-”
“Well, I was livin’ in the moment, Doc.”
THE DARK KNIGHT TRILOGY
Jonathan’s lab wasn’t the best choice when it came to taking your shots. It was grimy, messy and… well, not very hygienic. Rust covered many of the metallic surfaces and chemical bottles littered the tables. Yet here you were listening to a radio, sticking a needle into your thigh. You’ve grown used to it – the sting of the liquid spreading wasn’t as bad as the soreness that came afterwards. The radio next to you hadn’t played any songs in a while – instead the hosts were having a conversation, which you had been listening to while waiting for Jonathan to come back. He had gone to fetch something – a specific chemical he needed.
Jonathan oepned the door to the lab, hearing you giggle at the radio. He didn’t pay too much attention to it until he heard a slap and an “OW, FUCK-” coming from you. He quickly walked so he could see you, hand resting on your thigh – presumably the spot you had slapped. He raised his eyebrow, until he noticed the discarded syringe next to you. He sighed, watching as you started laughing even more at your own misfortune. He said nothing, and went back to work with a smile.
BATMAN AUDIO ADVENTURES
Taking your testosterone wasn’t that scary – you’d gotten used to the needle with time. But whenever Jonathan insisted on doing it for you, it was a different story. He had this effect of making even the most innocent things seem atleast a bit unsettling – He prided himself in that. He grinned as he inserted the needle in your thigh without much of a warning, making you jump slightly at the sting.
“You know – you could warn me when you do that.”
“oopsie-daisy, seems I forgot - ” He laughed and pulled out the now empty needle, setting it aside. “but a little scare never killed anyone.”.
“I’m going to have to disagree with you there.” You responded, furrowing your brows at him.
“Now, when has anyoene ever died from a little fear?” He started, standing up proudly. “I would know, yes?”
“You’re goddamn annoying, you know that?” You smiled up at him. He laughed in response, grabbing his burlap mask and putting it on.
“Oh shoot, am I?” He jokingly asked, dramatically turning towards the door. “I’m afraid I just don’t believe that.”
“Oh you fucking-” You started, slapping your thigh and standing up. In that moment, you had completely forgotten about just having a needle in your thigh just moments ago. You felt a sharp pain in your thigh and yelled in pain – catching Jonathan off guard. You started laughing at your own pain and forgetfulness, to which he started giggling along.
#arkhamverse scarecrow x reader#dk scarecrow x reader#BTAA scarecrow x reader#BTAS scarecrow x reader#jonathan crane x reader
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making asunder take notes for me
ritual doesnt have to be - oh god. making asunder take notes and now im making myself speak linearly. foul play. terrible. cruel. fuck it i do it myself
ritual doesnt have to be an either/or mass permanent initiation or small one. in fact... seeing it this linearly is not a good idea. Its also not in the spirit of these things. It's Madness Apotheosis, not apotheosis through madness but the apotheosis of Madness itself, where it reaches its highest point and becomes self-self instead of other-self and self-other
This is the reason Progenitor is such an anchoring symbol with these things, the idea of incubating an entire being that is not you, or siring one, or otherwise forming an entire new way of perceiving the world that is birthed and given to the rest of reality... The idea of these rituals and communion is to be reborn into another state through the womb, except the womb is internal - it's fully giving you the womb to rebirth yourself.
the idea that they create shifts inside you... Yeah, they're programming your biology like bio parents programme your body, except its not, except it is, except its not. Its a set of mirrors, not gametes. Its internally reflecting your own gametes back on to yourself and into themselves, weaving Fate with Free Will, causing a new state of being and therefore a new causation, but that causation was you the entire time
the initiatory process.... They rework things anyway. Theyre bottom feeders, they have their own processes, they enter the bodies en masse - as in your bodies en masse, all your energies and aspects and whatnot as bodies, them as a singular creature - and i think thats what the role of the Mother here is. In the way that the womb is the original uninverted birth, the eye is the womb inverted.
I really. i mean. ill be straight up the temptation to take that mask and just tell people to cut off and eat my flesh in order to See what the mira are doing... but very few would do that lmfao. so i think some sort of ritual of immersing yourself "in the womb" - probably why they pull me towards the sea, thats a Progenitor Space - temporarily in order to take them in would allow vision of what theyre doing
Do i think you need vision of what theyre doing? Yes, because this is a ritual of duality incarnating
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i have no where else to just spill this out and i fucking cant anymore
im ashamed to be a human
im ashamed to be an american
im ashamed that as a whole humanity has falid over and over and over again
im ashamed that people in power can sleep at night knowing whats happening in the world
babies are fucking dying
BABIES ARE FUCKING DYING
men, women, children who fucking cares
HUMAN BEINGS ARE BEING SHOT AT, BOMBED, GASSED, STRIPED OF THEIR HUMANITY BY PEOPLE WHO ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES
IT IS THE 21ST FUCKING CENTURY AND WE AS A HUMAN POPULATION ARE STILL GETTING AWAY WITH THIS SHIT
im so fucking ashamed
i cant even keep the tears in anymore and i know that my tears being shed across the sea sitting on my couch unable to do fuck all but keep myself informed as every video, picture, statement, fact, and link i share is fuck all for help
all i can think about everyday is just how bad i feel knowing that my taxes, my country, my species is doing this to PEOPLE
those are people and i cant help but want to save them all but I FUCKING CANT
and the ones who CAN want to make this all fucking complecated or deny it all like some fucking conspiricy
i am ashamed knowing in 20 years people my age will be asking why the hell did we let something like this happen
and NO ONE will have a good enough answer
i cant cry enough for every life lost and i cant fight for every life lost but for gods sake i will try my fucking best because they deserve empathy, understanding, and fucking HELP
this is atrocious and i cant even say specifically because ITS HAPPENING EVERYWHERE
people in palestine, congo, sudan, college students, fucking anyone and everyone who isnt rich white and fucking privledged
i am udderly disgusted by our species
not even fucking bears would do this
no other fucking creature in the damn galexy would do things like this
did we not learn from all the fucking wars!??!?!??!
did we not learn that this is never ok
did we not learn fucking empathy?
i cant decide to be mad, sad, fucking anything all i know is im absolutly crushed thinking about mass graves, children cuffed with zipties, new anti protesting tools that should count as war weapons, hospitals schools homes everything being bombed, everything being on fire, families in their homes thinking theyre safe only for a bomb to eviserate anything they held near and dear WHILE THEYRE ASLEEP IN BED, governments boxing in survivers lying to them saying theyre safe only to drop little fucking papers from the sky to litter the only thing they have left with a fucking note saying "oh yeah we told you youd be safe, now your not", starving people forced to live out of tents as everything theyve ever known or loved is fucking burned
i want to help
i want to help so bad
i keep myself informed and i listen to the voices telling us to help and all i can think about is how so many fucking voices are screaming for someone fucking anyone to stop this massacre
and i cant fucking help
all i want is for those people to have their homes and their lives and their fucking families back but i know thats not fucking possible anymore and i cant even describe the amount of pain i feel in my chest everyday knowing that another 100 people are gonna die before i go to bed that night
the pain i feel when im sitting on my porch trying to enjoy the weather knowing that somewhere the weather isnt warm or sunny or even shitty and mucky. the rain is some places is not water to hydrate the earth or snow for forts and snowball fights. the rain in some places is fire, bombs, smoke, bullets and by god what does that fucking accomplish
and instead of being able to sing in the rain and play in the snow people are being forced to take cover and learn what a fucking bomb is
i cannot even list how many atrocities have happened, and i cannot even bare to list how many pictures and videos and evidence of the inhumanity happening exsist and are being called fucking fake
you cannot fake mass graves
or someone being buried alive
or someone being skinned
or someone having to amputate their own daughters leg
or any of the other 100s of things that people are being forced to endure
for gods sake we are watching bombs get dropped on people willing to take bandages of their own wounds to help a hurt dog
where did humanity go
if there is a god theyve fucking left us
if there is a god theyre fucking weeping
if their is a god for christs sake ive never wanted one to exsist more just so HOPEFULLY all the prayers work and all this fucking ends
i dont want to watch people dying anymore
i dont want to hear about students risking everything to make sure their voices are heard
i dont want to see police and governments let this happen and support it
i just want to see people be happy
please i just want all the violence and corruption to end
i dont want to see children screaming for help
i dont want to open every social media and see families begging for help
its disgusting that this is even possible after all of history says not to do this shit anymore
i so fucking sorry to all the people all the fucking humans who are suffering right now
im so fucking sorry
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Gonna vent a little, hope you don't mind.