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danthepillerman · 13 days

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im bored and since im bored ima write some stupid shit involving..you guessed it (probably not stfu) Suguru Geto and his boyfriend Satoru Gojo!!! wooo (kms) this is like collage au ig? idfk dont question me

“AHEM” suguru cleared his throat glaring at a certain white haired blue eyed man who was sneaking around his room. Gojo looked behind his shoulder, his cheeks stuffed with some of sugurus sour gummy worms. with a sigh he pinches the bridge of his nose “my god satoru, youre like a child” suguru himself is trying his hardest not to laugh at his best friend. satoru swallows the gummy worms and laughs “cheer up man, ill buy you some when we head out” they planned to go to a park. suguru just nods and puts a sweater on.

after suguru gets ready he signals to satoru it was time to go. as they walked satoru talked about anything and everything on his mind, the weather, grass, how he feels about fuzzy textured blanket (spoiler he hates them). the whole time suguru listened, laughing and making some comments of his own. thats just how they were. one talked the other listened and they were both okay with that fact. “it feels weird on my skin! maybe i just have sensitive skin, honestly i dont care its WEIRD!!” satoru says frantically as suguru laughs “its not that seri-“ “YES IT IS!! nerds like you wouldnt understand” satoru said trying to sound like an edgy emo kid that tells people they wouldnt understand. suguru chuckles and takes a bite of his sour gummy worms.

“you know, there are blankets that are soft and not fuzzy?” the black hair boy says to his friend. satoru sighs “yeah i know, but buying a whole new blanket when i already have one is pointless.” suguru nods with his friends good point. they make their way to the swingings, the sun still bright is the sky. satoru immediately tries to get as high as possible while suguru watches swinging the slightest bit. “youre gonna get sick” he says as satoru gets higher and higher “SHUT UP!” he shouts back. suguru sighs and watches as his best friend attempts a 360. it was an interesting thing to watch, but obviously he fails and ends up jumping off and landing in the sand laughing, suguru just watching with a gentle smile

after satoru jumped a family looked over at him a little concerned and walked away with their kids quickly “dude the people here are gonna think youre crazy” suguru states now laughing a little “nuhuh” satoru sits up and shakes the sand out his white hair then grabs his sunglasses, blowing some sand off that.

satoru and suguru lay on top of the actual play area, the roof sheltering the slides and what not. two 6 foot something dudes on top of a play ground is slightly frightening to some children. as they lay there looking up at the now pink ish sky satoru speaks up “what if you were a cloud” he was kinda just spit balling “a cloud?” suguru questions a bit confused. satoru however nods “yeah, like if you were a cloud and you could pick your shape what would you pick?” it takes suguru a second but he closes his eyes and with a sigh he responds “your mom” “fuck youuu” they both laugh. “okay but if i could pick a shape id probably pick something simple like a duck” he says to the white haired boy. satoru nods with a hum

the sun sets and the sky darkens slowly, the dim light of the moon and street lamps brighten up the park. suguru looks at his best friend then back at the stars. “im cold” satoru blurts out of no where, suguru looks at him and asks him “wanna head back?” satoru nods with a slight yawn. they jump down and land in the sand, walking out the play ground and to the side walk. satoru looks over at his friend and put his arm around his shoulder “dont be scared pookie bear, daddies here” suguru turns to satoru a bit mortified by his last statement and they both burst out laughing.

“why cant i be daddy?” suguru says, he immediately regrets it though “you want me to call you daddy? you got sum to tell me mister man bun?” suguru rolls his eyes and shoves satoru away all the while hes laughings. they continue their walk and satoru is talking about his fear of women. maybe he really was gay..was shoko right? who knew.

they get back to campus and made their way to the apartment complex right behind it. they shared an apartment two bedroom and one bathroom, real nice. before entering the take off their shoes and shake em on the grass to get out any sand. they go inside and immediately satorus dramatic ass falls onto the couch with a loud sigh “ass up” suguru says playfully and they both laugh “see im telling you dude you MIGHT just have a daddy kink!” satoru retorts. with an eye roll suguru throws a small baggy to satoru “happy valentines day or whatever day today is” and with that suguru went into his room, his face pink.

satoru raised a brow and looked at the small baggy inside was two things, an obsidian bracelet to match with sugurus moon stone bracelet, and a note.

‘hey so you know how some friends go one dates for valentines day cause theyre both lonely or whatever. would you be down to do that with me? -geto’

#jjk #geto suguru #gojo satoru #satosugu #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu geto #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu satoru #jujutsu suguru #black and white #valentines day #gay men

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boypussydilf · 7 months

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thank u so much for being critical of these past two episodes ive felt crazy about how much i just. didnt like them but im glad to know others feel the same way. i hate hate hate how they basically portrayed simon as "cured" after talking to golbetty because its so. it feels like such a deep diservice to everything they set up. its like these episodes were them yelling at us that "no actually, this is the moral" and simon isnt allowed to grieve or feel guilt or any other emotion and its jyust so. its so. i hated how it just treated everyone. it feels like in trying to tell a story about how betty deserved better they threw her under a bus repeatedly and robbed her of all agency. these last two episodes just felt so preachy and then ended up feeling like they were saying nothing at all... sorry for ranting in your inbox ive just been reading your posts and agree greatly with your criticisms. it just feels like the entire show has no weight at all and theres barely any growth or change. it feels like simon is at the same point he was in obsidian if that makes sense? and it felt like they went oh crap oh right we have to end this and made a big ball of junk. anyways sorry again for rambling im not a hater i liked the show im just supremely dissapointed

I FEEL YOU SO BAAAAAAAAAAAAD. ikeep seeing like, polls asking ppl what their reactions to the finale were and a weird amount of people are saying theyre happy and satisfied. how………

Yeah!!!!!!!!!! God. The show was so good, if you just, pretend the last 2 episodes don’t exist.

they fucked up both simon and betty soooooooo so bad!!!!!!!!!! they have all this setup of simon having some very very deep mental issues and then he’s Pretty Much All Better for Literally No Reason At All. the moral of the story is wow he fucked up bad! the moral of the story is he actually DID need to just move on! from the love of his life from the person whose memory he clung to when he otherwise completely lost his mind and identity from the person who made an unfathomably large sacrifice in order to save him one that hangs over his head constantly!!! He just needed to GET OVER IT!!!!!

And they come in. Act like Betty had no agency. Lik she was not a grown woman making her own decisions on purpose. Like she needed Simon to make the right decisions for her. And they SURE AS HELL DONT FOLLOW THIS UP BY GIVING HER AGENCY. We finally see GOLBetty. And for what? For her to explain to Simon like a child how he fucked up. And then leave. And that’s literally it.

And they spend the episodes just…… spelling everything out as clearly and deliberately as possible in the dialogue! God forbid we utilize subtlety and allow the viewer to figure out important details via any other method than characters explicitly stating what the point is!!!!

God….. yeah……. i loved that show, overall. but what was the point of it, in the end. all of that was for nothing. in what way is simon not pretty much just back where he started. we don’t get to see it.

#no thank u for the ask i love the feeling of solidarity #gaaahhhh.#basilask #fionna and cake spoilers #atposting

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1leeknower · 1 year

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"I hate the rain, but if the rain was love, i'd be standing in it ti'll i'm soaking wet"

⏤͟͟͞͞ Lee know x Male reader

angst!

part 2 here

Drabble cause i just cant bring myself to write a full oneshot! 😀 (i might end up doing a part two of this) Not proofread!

Two knocks on minho's door, "weird" He thought since he wasnt waiting for anybody; Once he opened the door, in the pouring rain stood a man, crying, soaked, with a pout on his lips, the first thing Lino did was pull the other guy inside, it was his "friend", Y/n.

Lino goes to get some towels for Y/n, while said man was left on the living room, waiting for the smaller male to come back.

The fact is, Y/n is very, very, very insecure, and is always seeking approval from others, which leads to him thinking he's not enough, making him drink more and more, It broke Minho's heart seeing him like this. Lino loved Y/n, but said boy just couldnt see it, too busy chasing people who just aren't worth a penny, much less all that admiration.

Today was one of those midnights where sadness would take over, leading Y/n to the closest bar, when he just couldn't take it anymore he would just drag his feet to Minho's place, crying himself to sleep, The next day he would leave by the morning, before minho woke up; It was a vicious cycle, repeating over and, over again.

It Hurt minho maybe just the same amount as It Hurt Y/n, whenever the L/n got drunk, he did things that he would regret later, one of those times he kissed minho, Y/n still didnt know that, lino knew that if Y/n found out things would get weird between them and since L/n would always talk about how he regrets everything once he's sober, lee know thought that Y/n would regret the kiss, Lino also felt guilty, because he got too carried away and kissed his friend back, even though he knew you weren't in your right state of mind, he spent many nights wide awake thinking about how stupid he had been.

Bangchan and Jisung already had told him that he shouldn't keep on taking care of you and being so mean to himself, he was trying his best, and in this moment he was the only one actually caring for you, but he just couldn't help it, he loved you so much to just leave you hanging like that, even if that shattered his heart into tiny little pieces.

Taking a deep breath, he took the towels and left to go back to the other male in the living room, Y/n was standing, holding into the hem of his shirt, eyes red and puffy, tears still dripping on his face, Lino handed L/n the towel, but just as he thought the taller male was reaching for the towel, Y/n pulled Lino by his wrists soon holding him into a tight hug:— Im sorry, I love you – Y/n said, muffled by Lee Know's covered shoulder, no response, Minho wanted to tell L/n everything, but he just didn't have the confidence, he felt pathetic.

—I don't wanna hurt you, I just don't know what to do, everything right now is just a mess and I don't know how to handle it, but you make everything seem perfect, like problems didn't even exist with you – Y/n's words stung, Hard to tell who was hurt the most; Lino couldn't bring himself to form a full sentence, all he did was give in into Y/n's touch, holding back the tears, the confessions, holding back the entire world he had going on his mind, he was hurt too, but no one could see it, he thought that it was because he just wouldn't let people get closer to him, but then he noticed it's in reality because people just don't care about anyone else; Once again Y/n spoke, even tho he wasn't getting replies, he felt comfortable enough to open up, even if Lino wasn't listening:— do you think im useless? – "do you think im mean?"

#mlm #fanfiction #male reader #lee know x male reader #skz x male reader #angst #lee know #lee minho x male reader #stray kids x male reader #top male reader

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01mishchelle · 6 months

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What I’ve learned so far about ‘manifesting’

i find it extremely idiotic how people believe that they have to do this and that to get their desire. believe me, i used to be like that too. 2-3 years ago i joined a shifting community and let me tell ya, everyone overcomplicated the basics. thats when i gave up and left.

a few weeks ago when i was in a negative, heartbroken state and was begging to have my sp back, a manifestation video came up from this user called hyler. i followed her instructions and even sammy ingram’s.

that’s also where i discovered neville goddard for the first time.

i found it quite odd that we had to do affirm all the time, and thats what i did. i still felt weird, unaccomplished. i did get results, the negatives and the positives. i kept on holding on those results as a proof my sp loved me. but deep inside i knew what i was doing was completely wrong. if they tell you to live in the end, why would i affirm 24/7 to have that desire?

+also adding this, i’ve heard about the void state everywhere in pinterest and here and let me tell ya, after the experiences i’ve had in the shifting community, i stayed the (language) fuck away from that. yes sorry for the people who do the void state, yes cool if you do it if it works for you but for me i just hate doing methods.

it didnt make sense for me. i decided to listen to myself and found out more about neville goddard and edward art.

these two gentlemen made me open my eyes for the first time. this is what ive been missing. ive missed the whole point, everyone missed the whole point.

please study edward art’s works and his i am meditation.

anyways, the whole point is that you literally don’t have to lift a finger to have that desire you want. i’ve made some notes for myself when reading edward art:

“If you lived in a world where all things are possible, and you could create anything you want, would you choose to create a situation and then worry about it? No you would not. You only do because you are identifying yourself with your Outer-man! When I start to feel afraid, or worry, or feel pressure that causes me anxiety, I realize that I AM the INNER MAN CREATING that in the WORLD OF IMAGINATION.”

“I want you to stop worrying about HOW or WHEN it is going to happen and instead FEEL secure KNOWING this 3D world reflects what your INNER SELF HAS AND IS WITHIN.”

“In order to actually lose yourself in the imaginal act, one must accept it is real and let go entirely of the outer-world.”

“One must suspend rational thinking, and just accept it is real. They will free themselves that way in their mind.”

“You cannot be afraid anymore to feel and imagine what you want.”

“When I speak of feeling I do not mean emotion, but acceptance of the fact that desire is fulfilled.”

everything is all YOU. everything comes from YOU. YOU are the reason why things are like this. there’s legit no Universe telling you what you have to do. there isn’t anyone you have to follow to have what you want. no. that isn’t the point. the point is that you have been following yourself. everything has been you all along.

so basically about having that desire in imagination….. i know that you don’t have it physically in 3D but that does not matter. the thing you desire is the FEELING. please you must be very (excuse for my language) fucking stupid if you want it in the 3D.

imagine you already have your sp in the 3D, youve done the hard work and he’s/she’s yours now. great. you don’t feel anything, do you?

why do you want to be with your sp? ask yourself that.

im probably thinking that you want to be loved, yes?

bingo, that is the exact thing you desire. YOU desire to be loved. and guess what?

you are already loved. you legit don’t have to do anything to be loved. you are already loved. and i know, how tf am i loved when i’m single?

get that ‘single’ off your vocabulary. what’s important here that the 3D does not define you. put it inside your head. repeat that. remind yourself that.

the 3D is a reflection of your 4D. the 3D wouldn’t exist if the 4D never existed. the 3D lives off of the 4D (your imagination basically)

see? don’t tire yourself out by worrying about the 3D that you cannot change. it’s all in place, you cannot change it. the only way you can change it is by changing yourself.

no i do not want you to change your sp’s behaviour (remember eiypo) i want you to change your behaviour.

how?

well, how would you act and feel if you’re dating your sp?

would you still be worrying about the 3p? would you keep on checking his status if he’s online? would you be wondering if he loves you? would you be questioning on why he hasn’t came back?

all of that is useless! you’re basically still embodying as someone who’s desiring their sp. that is not what you want.

it is easy. you wouldn’t do all of those things. you already embody as someone who is in a happy relationship with your sp. you already know that you are loved. you never have to worry about them. you never feel stressed at all. you’re happy.

that is what’s important. you don’t have to be in the same state all the time btw, if you get reminded or get extremely anxious; just STOP FOR A SECOND.

don’t start affirming or start visualizing. don’t ask yourself if you’re doing it right. what is the point????? of asking that??????

instead, all you have to do is ‘know’ you already have them. leave it be. don’t meddle with it. trust that it has already happened. spoiler: it did ;)

don’t even think about the 3D, the 3D instantly changed because you changed. there is no such thing about waiting for the 3D to conform. there is no such thing about the 3D being your slave and has to obey you (let me tell ya i was confused when i saw those affirmations) the 3D and the 4D go by hand in hand. that’s the thing here.

so yeah.

i’ve read edward art’s works (plus other ppl) like few days ago so this is all the things i’ve learned. just in few days, how crazy is that lmao.

anyways, i hope you learned something from here, i also learned some new stuff while writing this.

bye 🫡

#law of assumption #neville goddard #sp #manifesting #manifestation #edward art #i hope it helped you ehehe

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m0ther-of-p3arl · 1 year

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flying is a state of mind

(robert aeor high au p5)

masterpost

anyway im super proud of this one i think it turned out very well and it was fun to kinda dive into a bit of scott's memories and deeper backstory. hope you like!!!

It’s really kind of nice having a new friend, Scott supposes. The last time he’s felt this excited to go to school was when Shelby joined the friend group, and that was about three years ago. Scott’s been stuck with the same people for a long time- not that he doesn’t enjoy hanging out with them, obviously he does, but it’s a much-needed breather to have something different.

or, Scott is on the way to Jim's house (so he can go to the movies with Jimmy and Joel, but that's next update) and we meet Beks for the first time :000

(4257 words)

TW: internalized homophobia, self-hate, flashbacks of past abuse, etc

It’s been almost a month since Jimmy’s arrived at school, and Scott has to admit, he’s grown quite fond of the avian, who’s almost seamlessly fit into their friend group- mainly because Scott tries to make sure he’s invited to everything. Shelby loves him like a little brother, and he and Joel have got on famously (honestly surprising to Scott) ever since an incident at lunch where Jimmy made Joel laugh so hard that his chocolate milk had snorted out of his nose.

Owen, on the other hand… Scott’s pretty sure no one else has noticed, except for maybe Jimmy himself, but Owen is, to put it lightly, not as excited about a new member of the friend group as everyone else seems to be. Scott’s not sure what it is, but he supposes that after five years of being someone’s best friend, you kind of just feel what they’re feeling instinctively.

Now, the thing is, Scott really likes Jimmy- he’s funny, he’s sweet, he’s gotten Scott out of a breakdown spot more than once. Jimmy is quickly climbing up his friend tier list, and he’s sure that Owen can tell how much Scott’s enjoying Jimmy’s company.

In fact, Scott’s pretty sure that Owen’s jealous, as silly as that is. Scott can’t imagine his life without his best friend there by his side, laughing on their walks to school, smirking at all his dumb jokes. But Jimmy’s different- refreshing to be around, kind of like a breath of fresh air after being stuck in the same room, repeating the same patterns, for so long. He’s not a better friend than Owen, not even close, but he’s… new. And that always has an effect on the way he perceives people.

Of course, though his life’s gotten just so, so much better since the avian’s arrival, there is still his situation at home. His mom’s always away leading her cult, and his father is bearing down harder than ever, telling Scott to stay away from his friends, to stay inside. Many times, he’s almost found out about Jimmy, and Scott can’t quite put a finger on why he thinks so, but he’s certain that his father can not find out about the canary.

Scott tries to get out of the house as much as he can, to get away from Father, but it’s hard, and he often feels weird initiating activities within his friend group. So most of the time, he just sits quietly upstairs in his room, hoping and praying that his father doesn’t come in and find him on his phone.

Scott isn’t supposed to have a phone, but Joel bought it for him a couple years back, and he’s had it ever since. It’s always a much-needed reprieve from his stressful home life to just hop on to the group chat and talk about the silliest things for a few hours, or even just a few minutes.

He’s the one who insisted Jimmy be added to the group chat after a week of hanging out with him at school, much to Owen’s chagrin. Shelby had seemed ecstatic about the idea, and Joel just as chill with everything as ever. After two weeks, Scott and Jimmy had a private chat, just the two of them, which was something kinda new for them both- Jimmy’s never had a friend til recently, and Scott’s only ever had a private text with Owen.

There are still a lot of things he doesn’t know about Jimmy, of course, a lot of things he’s too scared to ask, because he’s grown to value their friendship greatly and doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. Scott’s pretty sure that he and Jimmy have some sort of silent agreement not to bring up their first conversation- Jimmy doesn’t ask about Scott’s eyes or why he still needs to wear shades if he can’t turn things to stone (Scott’s certain he’s wondered this at least a few times), and Scott doesn’t ask about it when Jimmy mentions how he’s just learnt to fly and other things like that.

He’s thinking about all this today as he runs his morning jog route, something he’s started up in the past few weeks to get away from home on the weekends. It works remarkably well; he can leave on his jog and then go meet up with his friends, be out of the house all day, and his father’s none the wiser.

Today, he’s going to the movie theater with Jimmy and Joel, as Shelby has Gnome New Year and Owen canceled as soon as he heard Jimmy would be there- though Jimmy’s the one who initiated it, so he should’ve known anyway. Scott wishes that Owen and Jimmy could just get on a bit better, but at least Owen has Lilith, his enbyfriend, to vent to this all about- it’s just difficult to juggle the two clashing personalities.

He runs faster, his legs burning and his snakes hissing quietly in his ear, urging him to keep going. Making sure to push up his shades, Scott takes a long sip from his water bottle, pushing himself to go further, faster, his blood beginning to boil. Maybe he’ll burn away everything he hates about himself, maybe the fire will cleanse him, melt the ice, make him who he’s supposed to be.

He wonders what his friends would think of him if one day, he showed up perfect, just how he’s always wanted to be. He’s certain that then, they’d look to him as the leader, and he’d be able to make it so Owen and Jimmy would be friends, and he’d finally be able to stop thinking about the canary who dominates his mind night and day.

Scott slows to a stop, breathing heavily with his hands on his legs, bracing himself to stay upright. His sweat drips off his face, landing in patterns on the pavement that merge with the rain that’s beginning to fall, gently, from the sky, cascading onto the lake beside him. The ice is finally beginning to melt; it’s too cold for early April. It hasn’t snowed in months, and yet somehow, it’s still consistently below freezing during the day, as well as at night. Scott could really do with some sunshine, the coming of spring always seems to set him right.

The drops fall down from the sky, causing him to shiver. He really needs to get to Jimmy’s: that’s where they’re meeting up, though Scott’s never been to Jimmy’s house before, and the avian seemed quite hesitant to make that their meeting place. But Joel’s sister has some sort of soccer thing and obviously, Scott’s house is completely out of the question.

So to Jimmy’s he runs, pulling out his phone and checking the address to make sure he’s on the right route to… what was it- ah, right; 156 Norman Flick Avenue. Fantastic. Scott has no idea where the heck that is, so he pulls up Gugol Maps, luckily finding he’s traveling in about the right direction. But it’s almost 11:00 in the morning, and he needs to hurry if he wants to be there on time.

It’s at times like this that Scott curses himself for choosing to run everywhere, because it’s just another one of his stupid decisions, and he misses feeling good about himself, he misses feeling like he’s worth something. But he’s not and that’s the hard part: remembering that all those times in elementary school, when he kissed boys and ran around getting mud all over his clothes, only serve to incapacitate him now.

Owen knows about the mud part, everyone does, they laugh at his school pictures where his snakes almost always had chips of the stuff stuck between their scales, Scott’s gap-toothed grin happier than anyone’s seen him in years. But no one knows about the time when he and a kid he’d met at a field trip to the zoo in Laurtentown, a city slightly south of the one Scott lives in, had kissed in the corner by the lion exhibit.

Scott remembers the boy had been about his age at the time, so eight, maybe a little younger, and had been walking around with his- well, at the time Scott had assumed they were his parent, but he remembered how the boy had looked to them with almost reverence, as if they had the absolute final say, which just doesn’t feel like the way one would look at a parent. But of course, he wouldn’t know anything about parents, would he…

Scott could barely convince the boy to leave them when they had started talking. Somehow, he had gotten the boy, who’d been wearing a huge sweatshirt that made it hard to judge his species- all Scott remembers is the shock of scruffy blonde hair and huge, trusting brown eyes- to follow him with his class, and they had ended up kissing in front of the lion exhibit.

It was just a tiny, experimental peck on the lips, the kind that all people try out at some point in their childhood- and yet Scott remembers how the boy’s eyes had widened, and how he had run off immediately after, seemingly quite spooked. Scott had called after him, wondering if he’d done something wrong, but the boy hadn’t turned back.

Scott’s wanted to find that boy for a long time since, but he doesn’t even know his species; and if the other boy was to try to find him, Scott hadn’t needed his shades yet, and he’d been wearing a hat: the only way the boy would be able to identify him would be from his features alone, which have changed a lot since then. His eyes have gotten more cyan, his temperament a lot more anxious and depressed.

He’s lost the innocence he had when he was a child, he’s lost the feeling that he’s okay, the knowledge that there’s someone out there who loves him. There is no one who loves him. How could anyone, when he’s this, this aberration, cyan where he should be green, wrong where he should be right, thinking of boys when he should be of girls?

How could he ever be anything but a mistake? He can feel tears prickling up behind his eyeballs, but he won’t cry, he can’t cry, then he’ll just be proving that he’s even weaker than everyone already knows- oh, god, he hasn’t cried since his powers came in, has he. It’s been a long, long time.

It was third grade, and Scott had just turned nine. Gorgon petrification comes in at ages eight to twelve, depending on genetics and environmental factors, and Scott’s doctor had predicted that, based on his father and other relatives, his powers would activate when he was about nine. So obviously, on his ninth birthday, he jumped out of his bed and ran down the stairs with excitement.

Had his powers come in? Could he petrify things? He hadn’t known, and it had made him giddy just thinking about how cool he might be now, cooler than Kymora, another gorgon who he’d had an intense rivalry with at that point. He would show them all. Just because his snakes and eyes were a weird color didn’t mean he’d be weird. He was just special. At that point, his father hadn’t been as strict and criticizing as he is now, but he’d still been quite expecting of his son- and Scott didn’t want to let him down.

But his situation with Father didn’t get really, genuinely bad until that morning, the day he’d turned nine, when he ran down the stairs, and upon reaching the bottom, had keeled over and nearly passed out. His eyes had hurt, he remembers, the pain intense and freezing. It felt like someone had been poking them out with an ice-cold poker, twisting it around in his sockets. And so, obviously, he started crying. He was nine, what else was he supposed to do? He hated pain, still does- the way it twists around and seems to whisper, we’ve got you now. There is no escape.

His father was so unspeakably angry when the feeling had subsided, Scott creaking his eyes open, the tears he had just cried freezing on his face. Everywhere he looked, something else froze. And every time something did freeze, it hurt his eyes, a new jab of intense pain, trying to keep his tears coming. His father had almost hit young Scott, curled into a ball on the lush cashmere rug, sobbing and choking on his own spit freezing in his throat.

From that day onward, Scott’s father has always hated him, utterly and completely, without a shadow of a doubt. This was when the peanut butter jelly sandwiches started being his only food, when Father started sending him to private schools and counselors and religious specialists- anyone who had any possibility of “fixing” him.

This was when Mother left, promising she’d be back within a week, swearing to his father that she wasn’t leaving for her cult forever. But she hadn’t come home, and Scott was left scared and alone with only his vengeful father, and the knowledge that he’d singlehandedly broken his family, to keep him company. He hasn’t thought about this in a long, long time.

How the time flies when you’re thinking about traumatic events; he’s almost at Jimmy’s now, his feet pounding against the asphalt, the rain freezing to ice when it hits him. Scott’s body temperature has always been lower than normal, even for a gorgon, and it had just decreased further when his ice came in- meaning that sometimes, when he’s feeling negative emotions really intensely, the surface of his skin is cold enough that water freezes on it.

He groans, peeling bits of ice off of his arms, wishing that he could just calm down and get to Jimmy’s. The avian always seems to get him back to a reasonable state, whether it’s just subconsciously by talking about the randomest shit, or when he’s consciously trying to cheer Scott up. It’s only been a month and already, he can’t even try to imagine a world where he hadn’t met the avian.

Jimmy makes everything better, just looking at him so often brings a smile to Scott’s lips, just thinking of him and Scott knows that things will be better with Jimmy around. He wonders which movie they’ll be seeing.

He’s reached Norman Flick Ave, and he slows to a comfortable pace, the wind brushing against his snakes, tiny hisses going off in his ears. He scans the houses, looking for the 156 that signifies Jimmy’s house. 124, 130, 134…

The road is quaint, kind of like the street that Scott’s family mansion decides to squat in the middle of, but this one has a slightly different vibe- perhaps due to the fact that there isn’t a giant estate smack-dab in the middle of the left side of the avenue. The houses are all very typical, two-story homes, each probably at least a hundred years old, with their creaking porches and slightly smoking chimneys.

Scott finds Jimmy’s at the end of the street. It’s the corner house, and he can see as he’s walking up that Joel’s already arrived- his humongous blue and white car is parked right outside, and Joel himself is standing in the middle of the sidewalk, tapping his foot. Scott waves, and Joel catches his eye, a grin stretching across his face.

“Scott!” he yells, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Hurry up, mate, you’ve already almost made us late!”

Scott picks up speed, moving forward in a state somewhat between walking and running, until he reaches Joel. “Sorry, I ran all the way here- where’s Jimmy?” he asks, craning his neck so he can see the celestial’s face.

“He’s inside still,” Joel gestures with his thumb towards the house, “Getting ready, I think, but you can knock if you’d like,”

“Sure,” Scott agrees, stepping up the stairs to Jimmy’s wrap-around porch, rapping his knuckles against the paint-splattered door. Almost immediately, it creaks open, a head poking out from behind the wood. But it’s not Jimmy’s.

“Well, hello, you must be Scott Smajor,” says a short girl, about Scott’s age, maybe a little younger. “Jim talks about you all the time- come on in! Oh, and Joel’s here, too- Joel, get your butt inside!”

“Hiii, Beks,” Joel calls, making his way towards the house. “Only problem is, I might not fit? Your house is made for tiny little avians, not a celestial like me.” He flexes his biceps, and Bek lets out a derisive snort.

“Wait- I feel like I’m in the dark here,” Scott says, confused. “Do you two know each other? Are you Jimmy’s sister or something- wait. Beks- I recognize that name. You’re a grade below us, right?”

“Wait.” Now it’s Beks’ turn to look confused. “Jimmy hasn’t told you about me?”

“No, I only know about you because of Joel- you two used to be like best friends, I remember.”

“Well, yeah- but Jim hasn’t told you the story?” Bek bites her lip. “Well, no, I guess he wouldn’t tell you the whole thing, but he hasn’t even told you the bit where he lives with me and my parents?”

“Wait. What?” Joel furrows his brows, leaning down to look Beky in the eyes. “No, he’s never told us any of that- come to think of it, he’s been quite private about his home life in general; I don’t think he’s ever mentioned it at all.” Looking back, Scott realizes Joel’s correct. He can’t remember a single time Jimmy’s willingly brought up where he goes after school, and even when someone else has brought it up, he’s always been really vague about answering.

“That’s…” Beks trails off, looking hurt and a little angry. “Jimmy! Get down here right this instant, or I swear, I will steal all your dresses again!” Oh. That’s right. Scott hasn’t seen Jimmy much outside school, and most of the time, he just wears typical clothes; but he had mentioned that this time he’ll be wearing a dress. Scott’s never seen Jimmy in a full on dress before, and he feels his cheeks flush because Jimmy’ll look even cuter than normal-

Oh, no. Why is this happening? He’s seen Jim in skirts a ton of times, almost every day for school, in fact- but for some reason, just imagining the avian in a dress hits completely different.

“What?” Jimmy’s voice is far away, floating down from up the stairs. “Are they here? What do you want?”

“Just get down here!” Beks yells, definitely angry now. Scott’s not sure if he should be here anymore, because it looks like there’s going to be some sort of family feud and he’s not sure he wants a part in that.

It seems like Joel’s had the same thought, muttering, “Should we…go?”

“No, it’s fine,” Beky sighs, looking up the steps. “Jimmy, get down here right now or I swear to god-”

“Just give me a sec, I’m almost done dressing- I’ll need to grab the hat downstairs anyway.” Scott flushes again at Jim’s words, looking slightly to the side. Joel catches his eye and gives him a quizzical glance, a slight smirk growing on his lips. Shit. He knows, or at least he suspects, that Scott’s gay- oh, no.

Scott looks away, crossing his arms over his chest. What the hell is this? He needs to stop this madness. He does not have a crush on Jimmy. He can’t have a crush on Jimmy, that’s non-negotiable. He is not allowed to like boys, it’s disgusting, it’s not something he should even be considering. But then he imagines the avian and he can’t help but smile, and all he wants anymore is to make Jimmy laugh-

What would Father say? Scott can almost hear the cold voice, pressing into his mind, whispering in his ears, a sneer upon his faceless father’s lips- You are nothing, nothing but a defective, worthless, disappointment- and now you tell me you’re in love with another boy? Get out of my house. Get out of my home. You’re not wanted here anymore.

Scott shivers, knowing this could very well be how his father reacts. He needs to keep himself a secret, from everyone, keep it secret keep it safe but he feels like he might be going insane-

He hears a creak from inside the house, the sound of a foot stepping down on a stair, and his head snaps up, gazing upon none other than Jimmy. He’s wearing a light green dress, long-sleeved with little white frills that cuff his wrists, his hair clipped back with an emerald clip that matches the gown perfectly.

It’s a bell dress, the many layers of the skirt making it poof up at the bottom, the abundance of lace just visible against Jimmy’s ankles. He’s chosen darker green tights to compliment the hue of his main garment, and his shoes are a lot like the typical black belt-buckle shoes, but they’re white instead, matching his cuffs and collar. Jimmy’s wings are floofed up in the back, his ear feathers popping in all directions, and the avian hasn’t noticed Scott yet, who’s stood stock-still in the doorway, taking in every bit of his appearance.

Scott feels like he’s seeing Jimmy for the first time, he’s radiant, his face lighting up in a smile when he sees them stood in the doorway-

He’s speechless. He can feel the warmth returning to his cheeks, even more than before, and he suddenly feels underdressed in his short-sleeved shirt that shows off his scrawny arms and his sweatpants, because Jimmy looks so nice- he realizes he’s probably been staring for a bit too long, and the avian’s blushing now too, their eyes meeting.

“Hi,” Scott mutters, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He still can’t get over how pretty Jimmy looks, with his dress ruffling in the breeze, his waist cinched with a white ribbon tied in a bow.

“H-hi,” the avian responds, barely a whisper, his eyes wide. Scott knows he should look away, knows he’s probably making this very weird for everyone else as well as himself, but Jimmy’s gorgeous, and is it really his fault that he can’t stop looking, can’t stop taking in every little detail of his appearance-

And then Beks clears her throat loudly and the spell is broken. Scott looks away, his face probably red as a tomato, Jimmy stood stock-still, like he’s not sure what’s just happened. Scott’s not completely certain either, all he knows is that one second he was fine, and the next he was just- gone. All logical reasoning, out the window.

“Jimmy, did you not tell them about me?” Beks asks, hands on her hips as she turns to the boy on the stairs.

“Huh?” Jimmy’s still focused on Scott, and he shakes his head, turning to Beky. “Oh, um, yeah, about that…”

“Jim!” Beky shrieks, her hands in the air. “Without me, you’d probably be dead or in a homeless shelter!”

Jimmy pales. “Beks- I don’t want- I’m not ready-”

“Okay, yeah, I get that, but you could have at least told them I exist! I’m basically your sister, and I care about you and so do they, so-”

“We’ll talk later. I need to go or we’ll be late,” Jimmy states plainly, “I can’t talk about this right now, Bek.” He walks down the stairs, his shoulder brushing against Scott’s as he steps outside.

“Jimmy-” Beks pleads, trying to reason with him.

But the door closes and he’s shut her out. “Sorry about that. Shall we- uh-” His voice trails off when he meets Scott’s eyes, blushing hard and moving his eyes to the ground. “Shall we get to the movie? Joel, you’re driving us, right?”

“...Yeah, I am,” Joel says, squinting his eyes at the both of them as if he’s trying hard to figure something out. And Scott feels like something’s changed too, though he can’t quite tell what it is, but there’s a new feeling in the pit of his stomach- or maybe not a new feeling, just a dormant one that’s grown stronger, pulling him towards something, a realization.

They all pile into Joel’s car, the celestial taking the driver’s seat, Scott and Jimmy sharing the backseat, seated almost uncomfortably close to each other. Scott risks a glance over to Jim, and then notices that the avian’s already looking at him. Their eyes meet and Scott moves to look away, he does hate eye contact, but something keeps him there.

Jimmy’s eyes are big and brown, a color you wouldn’t expect to see on a bird. It’s lighter than you would think, not the deep black of Bek’s, but not the light green usually seen on a canary. They’re beautiful, Jimmy’s beautiful, and Scott has to beat the feeling down because he is not doing this, this is not an option.

As much as he wants it to be, it’s not.

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strawbrygashez · 6 months

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hii! if tyler and the narrator went on vacation where do you think they would go? and how do you think they would act? eg the narrator stressing about making sure he has packed everything etc (hope your doing okay!!)

Thank u!!! I’ll probably feel better later on 🥲🥲I just need to focus on other stuff so I don’t think too hard about what happened lolll SO ANYWAYS

I THINK… they wouldn’t have any places shared they’d wanna go in mind. What I mean by that is like Tyler wants to go to small towns and random states for no particular place to see or stay, while the narrator would wanna go to the places that are advertised as ur usual ideal vacation spots.

Not that narrator wants to feel like he’s living lavishly again (tho he lowkey likes taking small breaks from their house that’s falling apart) but he does wanna treat Tyler to amazing views, places and luxury even tho Tyler would ‘hate’ hearing that lol. So like Tyler would say he wants to go to texas while the narrator would say he wants to go Hawaii.

•Jack would definitely get stressed a bit about making sure they both have packed everything.. but I feel like at least once Tyler has told him to “stop worrying man! Just live!!!” And Jack listened.. and that happened to be the trip where they both left a bunch of important things at home. Plus I think Jack would pack Tylers bag for him because Tyler ‘doesn’t care’.. so Tyler is without clean socks, boxers and his small amount of self care products. Which would probably earn Jack a smack on the back of his head and Tyler acting cold to him for a bit smh 🤦‍♀️

•Tyler would wanna take a lot of pictures!!! Of himself, Jack, them together, weird shit they see, and etc. he probably took pictures that don’t even make any sense too like a zoom in of one of Jacks eyes 🤨 He really loves filming and taking pictures I think!!!!!!! Maybe that’s part of the reason he works in a movie theater…he’d wanna do something where he could film/take pictures as a job but just never really went out of his way to go down that path for some reason. (Sorry im getting off track & rambling lol)

Anyways he has a picture binder thing he stole that he keeps all the pictures in! And will talk about them all & show them off to anyone even if they don’t care lol.

•Jack would take a little souvenir if he could. Like the stuff you buy. But Tyler wouldn’t like that so Narrator just takes like a small rock off the ground somewhere and maybe hides that he did from him 💀 bc Tyler and his rants about possessions.

Tyler allowed himself ONCE to get one of those keychain things that has random names on it because he found one that said Tyler that was hot pink and glittery.

•Tyler loves to try new food from different places! Jack sticks to things that are familiar to him bc autism but Tyler loves ordering just anything that sounds interesting or new (also bc Tyler has AUTISM! He likes to seek out new sensory stuff while Jack likes to stay with what he knows)

•Assuming if they just drove somewhere together, Tyler is obviously the one driving while Jack is doing everything else. Passing him snacks (and probably feeding him), reading directions, changing the music, ‘keeping him awake’ by uh… being a little handsy and uhh uhm I won’t say what else 👀👀 BUT YEAH he’s doing everything while Tyler drives.

Tyler honestly gets kinda mad that Jack doesn’t trust him driving.. he only crashed a car once on purpose… Jeez 🙄

#asks #sorry if this doesn’t make sense or reads weird I’m kinda all jumbled up in my head rn 🥲🥲#and it’s kinda short.. I might talk more about this kinda a stuff later!

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the1975attheirverybest · 9 months

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oooooh fav lyrics??? fuck thats hard. i will not explain why because i want to seem somewhat cool still and not like a total fucking nerd (despite having incredibly in depth reasonings)

The 1975 - ok this is Album has some interesting lyrics because its before he had it all figured out and i fucking love it for that, theres so many fucking contenders for fav lyrics (including all of anobrain, antichrist or The city) the entire abum is just so mmmmm. but if i had to pick an absolute fav id say

"I put your mother through hell, don't you mind I hate your brother as well, don't you mind, don't you mind Oh I was thinking bout killing myself, don't you mind I love you, don't you mind, don't you mind"

and i know i know its a verse but it isnt complete otherwise. Plus i have it tattooed on me so i feel like i had to.

I Like it when you sleep for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it - once again mmm chefs kiss of an album no skips (theyve never made a bad album) and lyricaly very beautiful, i could absolutely nerd out about all of their catalogue tbh. but for this i am excluding Nana and She lays down because theyre...just perfect, and also i sob.

so it would have to be

"And if I believe you Will that make it stop? If I told you I need you Is that what you want?"

"Before you go (please don't go), turn the big light off"

its really easy and tempting to put ballad on here but i think thats because his performance style for it is so visceral and while lyrically its beautiful still i cant imagine myself enjoying them if they were sung by someone else because they need the guts behind it ya know.

A brief enquiry into online relationships - delicious as always matthew thank you this day for our daily bread.

so its either

"I can show you the photographs of you getting on with life I've had dreams where there's blood on you" thank you for referencing the bible matthew very cool.

"You build it to a high to say goodbye Because you're not the same as them" because it is like a fucking gut punch

notes on a conditional form - seasoned to perfection. difficult because Guys is on this album and its so sweet but i dont think its my fav lyrically, for no particular reason. same for roadkill although "i pissed myself on a texan intersection" always has a place in my heart.

"I'm in love, but I'm feeling low For I am just a footprint in the snow" did you need to fucking wreck me or is that just for funsies huh?

"Don't wanna bore you with my frail state of mind "Oh, winner, winner, that's your biggest lie I'm sure that you're fine" I haven't told a lie in quite some time (Quite some time) "You know we'll leave if you keep lying Don't lie behind your (Frail state of mind)"

Being funny in a foreign language - i take 0 slander for this album because its just as brilliant as the others. so first all of part of the band is fucking art and so im excluding it because it should be all of our favs.

"I've been suicidal, you've been gone for weeks If I'm undecided, will you decide for me?W

and

"'Cause, baby, I'll do anything that you wanna I'll try anything that you wanna I'll find myself in the moonlight 'Cause, baby, I want everything that you wanna And I've tried to just be me, like, a thousand times But you're on my mind"

sorry its so long and i couldnt pick just 1 (not a libra but still indecisive) in order to remain seeming somewhat cool and not a total nerd ive refrained from explaining each choice but yeah.

Welllllll……did you HAVE to bring up “Me” AND “Frail State of Mind”?!? Are you trying to make me cry? Cuz it’s almost working.

It’s weird I’ve always kinda thought of Oh Caroline as some of his simpler writing. Not in a bad way. Like “Me” is simple as well. Simplicity has its time and its place and can be wonderful. And it IS wonderful in Oh Caroline. But I’m a layers girlie, so maybe I haven’t been giving this one much attention *runs to listen to it*

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kosmo-politan · 7 months

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Hihihi Kosmo. I can’t play more bg3 for a while (ran out of space on my puter, need to order an external hard drive and move it onto there <\3) and I’m going through Hyperfixation Withdrawal. You know how it is. So MY POINT IS in the meantime you should tell me about your tav I wanna hear about your tav please tell me about your tav. Also I’d like to hear how the games going for you and all that, if you don’t mind sharing :)

HIHIHI ARI :) sosorry about your puter </3 stay strong in these tough times soldier!! also i do know The Hyperfixation Withdrawal 🤝 i need my daily dose of Guys From My Computer to keep me going youknow. ANYWAY I DONOT MIND SHARING I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THINGS AND HEARING ABOUT THEM ALSO !!

as for gameplay i havenot. gotten far. </3 i keep remaking my tavs because i came up with something better. but so far i keep failing checks and getting blown up and catching on fire and falling and dying and so on <3 its so funny. to me. its like a recurring gag on a sitcom. shadowheart keeps befalling the same fate as my tavs as well. go girl give us nothing ! (said lovingly)

RAMBLINGS BELOW I GOT CARRIED AWAY SOSORRY.

^^^^ my main man Amari !! only one picture because i may have made them in august and. forgot about him. so sorry king

he/him . or they perhaps... heart <3

high half elf and. a bard. <3

romancing astarion (

also his name means eternal in hebrew because well. i think thats funny. guy named immortal dating a guy who is immortal. anyway.

the most i got lore wise is that their background is urchin. perhaps learned instruments and whatnot to make money.

i wish i had more worked out but. alas. melchior and those damn old men (aldente) plaguing my mind.

^^^^ MELCHIOR... MANDATED DARK URGE TAV. YOU KNOW.. more pictures because i made him the other day. theen remade him again today which is why this took so long so sorry </3

he/him <3

seldarine drow and. a rogue .

romancing that damn vampire also. because i kept hearing things about durge and astarion. no other reason <- lying

picked melchior because. seems like something a weird little guy would name himself.

okay. i am a poser i havent played much. however i know durge lost memories and so on. but i was making this dude before i decided to make him my durge tav and. i donot want to change his lore

he was the worlds worst conman. grunkle stan style. warrant in 25/50 states youknow. doesnot remember any of this. when asked about his background hes too prideful to admit he doesnt remember anything and lies each time. horrible at keeping up with these lies however and everyone is so painfully aware (but he doesnt realize that).

also i think its funny to imagine these guys Adventuring and whatnot and coming across various wanted posters for their questionable little buddy. and each time hes soso close to remembering something but brushes it off as an equally charming and beautiful and great at everything stranger you know. do you get me <- is unwell

got that good. that good for nothing. dude is SHIT at EVERYTHING. ive rolled a critical failure on damn near everything with him. i like to imagine this annoys astarion to no end because. well im normal. im about to get ill about that vampire. so sorry.

gets to the point where astarion starts doing things for him because he cant do anything. melchior is beyond amused and begins to fail horribly on purpose to annoy him. everyone in the party hates these two. two guys dragging their party down <3 love loses !

horrible at reading social cues also. because i heart projection. cannot tell when hes being made fun of. or flirted with. astarion cannot win with this guy. makes a catty comment and melchior goes "thanks dawg!" and daps him up so hard he gets a spinal injury.

gofd theres so muchmore about these two and their ddynamic that ive made up in my mind but this is getting long and my fear of being cringe is winning. you know how it is. ANYWAY THANKYOU THANKYOU THAN K YOU !!!!!! YOU SHOULD ALSO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TAV(S) . IF YOUD LIKE. OR ANYTHING BG3 RELATED REALLY I LOVE HEARING ABOUT THINGS !!!!!! <3 also i intend to draw these two. at some point. i make no promises however you know how it is another note... been thinking about making a third dude for gale or perhaps karlach. but these two r enough fornow.

#FOR REAL THANK YOU AUGHHH #SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS #I HAVE BEEN MEANING TOASK YOU ABOUT BG3 BUT. I AM SO SCARED ALWAYS FOR NO REASON YOU KNOW. THANK YOU FOR REAL #also they are both transmasc because . they just like me forreal and so on #hello tumblr fucked the formatting up bad. are yoy there god

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agentduckorico · 2 years

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tell me more about the very specific dew and ifrit dynamic. im intrigued

Okay so u gotta bear with me for some lore drop about 2 things: pack alphas, and mates. Also in my lore, Alpha Ghoul and Ifrit Ghoul are the same ghoul (mostly bc I didn't realize they were different dudes when I was forming my lore)

Any ghoul can become an alpha, it's hardwired into their biology (with some notable exceptions, mentioned later). It requires production of Alpha pheromones and a specific tone of voice, both of which make other ghouls, especially those within the alpha's pack, more submissive to the alpha. Alphas lead packs (each pack has one alpha), and are meant to take care of and protect the pack, as well as make decisions and mediate between pack members. There are certain ghouls who have a weird genetic mutation where they do not have the ability to produce the alpha pheromone and voice, and are physically unable to take on the alpha role in a pack. They are also unaffected by the pheromone and voice, which makes their presence not conducive to pack structure, and these ghouls often become loners, shunned by other packs.

Mating bonds are both a physical and kind of a magic thing? When two ghouls love each other very much, they'll bond and become mates. This requires each ghoul to bite the other's neck and drink their blood, which connects them and leaves an obvious mark. Once bonded, the ghouls are able to feel each other's emotions, and have a general sense of where the other is. Ghouls can have as many bonds as they want. If a bond is forced, one-sided, or if the ghouls like, fall out of love or whatever, the bond becomes extremely detrimental to both ghouls' physical and mental wellbeing, and the bond must be severed. It's a very complex and painful ritual, and leaves each ghoul with a feeling as if somethings missing, but it is, in the end, much healthier than letting a toxic bond fester.

So. Dew and Ifrit.

Ifrit is one of those ghouls who cannot become an alpha. And this is a bit of a sore spot for him. And he's kind of a dick (as is the fire ghoul way), so during papa iii's era, he kind of forced himself into position of the alpha in the band pack. He would only ever answer to the name Alpha, he would bully the others into following him, and though most of the band was like "yeah sure whatever", Dew was the one who gave him the most pushback, and the two fire ghouls got on like oil and water, if oil and water had the occasional really good hatefuck.

So. One night the band found a bunch of human drugs confiscated at a ritual one night. Band decides hey lets have some fun (except for Omega, who decided to be the sober friend for the night), and took the drugs. Dew and Ifrit decide wow, everything's all nice and sensitive and we're loopy, let's go fuck. And they do. And in their far from sober state, they end up mating.

In the morning, when they wake up, they still hate each other. Except they're bonded now. And ooh fuck that's bad, folx. Bad for them, but most importantly bad for the band, and so Papa III makes them get the bond severed. Except, well, that doesn't make everything all better again, so Sister Imperator wipes their memories or ever having the bond. Which, also not the best.

So you've got two bitchy fire ghouls (though they've both calmed down a little after the whole stuff with Papa III leaving and the band changing, and now that Ifrit isn't having to be on edge and forcing himself into an alpha role (and now that he and Omega are mated, and he's got that steady, calming presence in his mind) and Dew actually has packmates that love him and he loves them back) who already dont like each other, but now they have the remnants of a severed bond that they have no memory of, it's just a constant feeling of "this person is wrong and bad and dangerous and there's something clawing at my soul about them".

And they hatefuck.

#fae speak #hi i love me some good angst #blaze's ghost lore

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ohonama · 1 year

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MoM being Sora is the most funniest theory ever and I don't believe it but...GOD, IT’S SO FUN TO THINK ABOUT HAHA!

i’m moreso on the side of believing it tbh. nomura really is the type of person to just go. know this guy? well this weird alternate version of him is ACTUALLY like the big bad guy for the upcoming arc. whenever ppl ask me about it i’m like steam coming out of my nose giddy pumping my fists and stuff. like RGGHHH i love speaking abt it so much because evidence compilation is probably one of my favourite things to do genuinely!! it’s really fun. with the whole “where did MoM get the x-blade” is like a new thing that cropped up in my mind, alongside him having been a young boy during the keyblade war with keyblade wielders all around him, who eventually fell to darkness. it’s definitely really fun to talk about and it’s generally a really fun idea just. wholly. a sora who goes down a dark path? please!!! i have a few too many aus about that happening, you can change one part of sora’s story and the domino effect starts coming down. i guess how id explain my version of MoM = sora theory is MoM being an outright older replica of sora, replicated from the future (giving him the ability to harness the x-blade, much like xion and her keyblade usage) alongside the whole white cloak thing that happened for awhile or just generally being a “wrong” version of sora. weird timey wimey warp. so in reality they aren’t “sora” but like a completely different version. he isn’t OUR sora if that makes any sense? just a sora i guess. whenever i write him in gag concept i write him with stark similarities to sora but change around the way his words are pointed, change the weapon, change the attack all that kind of thing. MoM sora took over my entire brain when i heard of it and it shook me to my core cause i was like.. oh my god.. wait….. why does this kind of make sense. IM PROBABLY TALKING WAY TOOOOO MUCH but like it’s so fun to talk about argghh!! and i don’t think the whole “the truth is what you see, not what you hear” only applies to the whole flash of light we see appear when he says his name (which, in my mind atleast, could point toward xehanort’s mind being wiped of that name belonging to MoM), but it applies to basically everything the MoM has done. how he’s acted. what we’ve seen him do… i think it’s a better way to analyse his character than to simply listen to his words, although his words definitely do lend a bit of evidence too! i dunno if i’m bias toward the theory and i know there’s some stuff against it but in opposition to other potentials, sora, or atleast, a version (like stated above) is highly likely to me. sora is basically the pseudo protector of kingdom hearts having some ASSUMED dominion over the x blade and thus, kingdom hearts and it really does beg the question “where DOES the x-blade come from that MoM studied?” because i don’t know how else he could’ve gotten his hands on the blade. also the whole “he knows sora’s story despite not having gazed upon it until later down the line” while i myself have some doubts in that (it’s just lines on a page with some vague imagery) but ALL THE SAME i do believe could possibly lend a hand in the theory IF we get more proof on it. because we know sora can time travel, however roundabout it was, so who’s to say MoM couldn’t do so by similar means to sora or Young Master Xehanort did? But i digress. This could be one huge Samsara that our sora breaks, mayhaps, making him, and his story, special to himself anf not just “unimportant because it’s in a loop, the protagonists efforts are for naught” because honestly.. hate that kind of time loop stuff where nothing gets fixed throughout all the loops. i dunno. i just think they’re neat!! this was like a REALLY MESSY acclimation of a few of my thoughts abt MoM sora. i feel like it could be pulled off really well, and admittedly nomura plans out a story a bit too similarly to myself, so i feel like i can like. somewhat read his storytelling steps. hell, when i went in blind to kh2 and kh1 i ended up guessing w lot of the story beats, so i dunno. there’s that whole thing with “sora green eyes” but,

admittedly, i don’t know enough about texture mapping for that. haha. though it really does quirk my brow when i see him with green eyes, esp the first time i saw him with them cause i was like, hey, didn’t he have blue eyes ?? i just find it really neat i guess. the similar mannerisms are also really intruiging (similar, yet different, because MoM has different movement patterns and moves with the same exaggeration, but with what we know about him, it feels a ton more threatening, if that makes sense?) and the way they move is similar, so i can atleast say that. they’re like.. kind of two sides of the same coin i guess. same base build for his development and stuff, but both developed into different characters, or something? yeah. yeah. i’m done i’m not saying more jesus chriiiist

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mapsofnonexistentplacesremade · 1 year

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Olzha and freda are like my favorites tell me more about their dynamic. i need to go through your toyhouse and read more of the profiles for trainstory... Hi

OK YES THEY ARE ALSO MY FAVORITES

i dont think ive written it down anywhere but the way they meet is like. roughly a month after freya arrives to the train and has befriended isel she keeps hearing the name of this one guy show up and is like alright im gonna figure out who olzhas is. she spends like an entire day just scaling the entire perimeter of the train until she locates em in the midst of renovating eir restaurant and just like stands outside waiting saying nothing. and olzhas seemingly doesnt notice so she just keeps coming by and standing outside for like a week till e's like hey you can come in you know.

and from then on the two start to talk and freya's like. trying to figure out what this guy's deal is because e keeps being mentioned in the context of isel but isel himself just does not want ANYTHING to do with em and olzhas detects this thought with eir clairvoyance and just like. resignedly explains the entire matter of the two's divorce and then is like wow that felt great to talk about. freya's kind of just amused by everything and is like alright. kind of want to put this man under a microscope

freya just starts to visit eir place more and more frequently to the point where it becomes a daily thing.... theyve taken up the habit of having dinner together notably and just generally discussing whatever the fuck. like the major thing between them is just idle chat and forming inside jokes and its all just very leisurely and relaxed between the two of them

eventually after a few conversations about olzhas' telepathic powers (which freya finds very very cool.) e's like hey do you want to try out connecting our thoughts its basically like a secret way to talk. freya (fan of talking and fan of secrets) is immediately willing to try it out and thats basically the basis for the two always being psychically connected. uhh they just get like a full repertoire of one anothers thoughts and emotions and evidently it lead to their understanding of one another getting rounded out VERY quickly, theyre both very familiar with one anothers state of mind and can be super sensitive to any discomfort which has both lead to some interesting stories the two've talked out and also them quickly figuring out precise ways to help one another calm down and whatnot

and honestly its very important for freya shes very shy very anxious about talking to new people in general even if she conducts herself in a kinda grandiose whimsical manner. and shes gotten better about it since then but like her befriending olzhas was a fucking anomaly and it was a very lucky one. over time shes become more outspoken and confident just because those traits of eirs rubbed off on her and conversely olzhas started to gain both a better sense of responsbility and a better sense of joviality because of her.

more broadly speaking i just like their dynamic because its like.... sooooo fucking funny to me conceptually freya's strongest friendships being ones with two divorced men who hate each other so bad but theyd both drop dead for her because shes so endearing. and with these two in particular they're just complete gadflies but olzhas is very blunt and morose and freya has this cheery friendly air about her. but also olzhas is arguably the more levelheaded the one more willing to help others the one who acts objectively, freya contrarily can be extremely self-oriented and willing to disregard consequence or others feelings for the sake of her own wants and needs.... HOWEVER they care about one anothers wellbeing so bad and they know one another inside out and kind of just know how to approach one anothers shortcomings. they balance one another out and its like easy for them to confront one another.... theres this weird mutual elegance and understanding that actually makes it so that they each find it fun to 'argue' because they know it comes from a good place and no matter what theyll hear one another out. at the same time theyre so in tune with one another that it can become insular and they can appear very strange or mean to any onlookers. idk their discrepancies and double standards in the context of how they act as a duo is so charming to me its my favorite thing to write about

#my ocs #did not generalise this summary but wha ever....#ccsimulacrum #ccs.text

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selamat-linting · 1 year

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there was a few things i missed and got wrong on my homestuck liveblog yesterday. first of all, i mistook terezi with kanaya with that morallegiance chat with vriska. makes sense, they used to be roleplay buddies until that mess of an incident. not taking away vriska's responsibility from that clusterfuck but, wonder how much of it is doc scratch influence. good god girl, why are you gambling with a literal god? also WHY rose is trusting that white ball asshole? i dont like him at all. he's basically responsible to a lot of the mess the trolls and beta kids is going through.

anyway, at the last page i left off, terezi and vriska's attitude towards each other is largely shown in the boy-off with dave and john. with karkat screaming in the background (he always screams in the background). so its easy to miss that theyre very much in a weird complicated, frenemy state with each other. that in between space where you're not sure if theyre genuinely fucking hates each other or theyre ribbing on each other like two meanspirited friends do. i've been there sister, i've been there.

speaking of vriska (again, because she is my child who has every disease), oh her relationship/friendship with tavros is very conflicted and, i dare say, delicious? this is something that im sure would hit even harder if tavros wasnt relegated to the butt of ableist jokes more than he's treated as a character but. trust me. imagine youre tavros. your friend(?) is vriska. she crippled you, she saved your life, she berates you at every turn, she kissed you. deep down she only wants best for you. she wanted you to kill her. she wanted you to hate her enough to do it. she doesnt want to bleed to death alone. she's begging you to kill her. she's could have forced you to do it but she doesnt. because this is for you both to grow stronger and survive. thats all she wanted all along. for you both to thrive in a world that eats you alive. she needs you to kill her. oh god *head in hands*

-so its really really sad to see vriska being so lonely after killing tavros. she dug a hole too deep to get out alone and the remaining friends she had that could have accepted her again are all dead or too burned out of her. i wish they both can meet each other again. just to talk and find closure. like, tavros deserves to be angry with vriska and he deserves to have that peace he always wanted from her. and vriska deserves to start being a better person and getting some peace of mind. she deserves a chance, is all im saying. like, its okay if tavros cant give it to her. but some of her friends could. maybe terezi? the worst they ever do to each other in terms of direct harm is the eye injury. or maybe karkat? oh god i dont want to hear them arguing, i would go deaf!

-at least vriska has john! its nice to see them being friends with each other. Tbh john has been a breath of fresh air (hehe) in all the doom and gloom. im not looking forward to him meeting his dead dad but right now, my boy is walking around the village with one of the finest music i heard so far. and then he drive a flying car with WV. its just, he is so positive and amidst a set of characters who lost all of their innocence, he remains as the one guy who tries to enjoy the game and take everything in stride. he felt smug when the salamanders keep referencing in his title, he bought everyone hats and snacks, he gave moral support to vriska. the harley and egbert family is so positive about everything and its so endearing!

-AND JADE! fuck yeah she's starting to show how awesome she is. YES JADE say fuck you to karkat! its been long overdue!!! she also should say fuck you to vriska too as a treat. and fuck you to tavros too. and fuck you to that prince of hope (more like doom lol) who blew up her computer. she deserve monetary compensation to deal with that troll polycruel.

-special mention to dave btw. i dont remember him doing anything particularly exciting lately but i believe he's the one carrying the team. john and jade had to do their quest to be effective in defeating the english demon guy (the brits are all demons lol) and rose had to be their prime researcher and strategist, so he basically did the save everyone's ass part. i cant wait to see him hang out with terezi. Also is it bad of me to want him go godtier? Like, it would be interesting.

-and other time aspect characters i want to appreciate, aradia! babygirl have finally get rid of her hopelessness and come back to life! and now she's bringing the gang back together!!! and putting the pieces on why gamzee suddenly breaks. too bad gamzee never had a chance to show his personality. anyway, im starting to think i was wrong about lil cal. like, i think it was posessed but oh no its just bro moving him around, but somehow that fucking puppet is the one wrapped up in literally everything. aradia finds that shitty doll and somehow its connected to gamzee losing it and the game sgurb and doc scratch and... whats going on????

-in conclusion, timebound kids are always the one carrying the team. they are hard to find but theyre the one who could determine how you win or lose the game.

-but how can i forget? kanaya! she came through. i really thought she was dead! but she is alive, and she kills people with a chainsaw than apply lipstick to her bloodstreak lips. she is trying so hard to be Hinged. final girl behavior fr. i wonder how she's going to meet rose again. i hope she talked rose out of that suicide mission.

-and can we talk about karkat? man, imagine leading an army of kids who did kill and maim each other before the game even starts. imagine being the lowest of the social hierarchy and trying to make the most toxic friendgroup filled with racists and murderers to listen to you. imagine being able to do that despite all the odds, bring them to victory, and have the price right on your hands only for it to be ripped away and your friends devolve into chaos and murder several hours later. its a failure of untold magnitude. no wonder he's so disturbed and angry at himself and everyone.

-okay now that im done with the characters. i want to compliment how good everyone looks. the art and the fashions are all sooo amazing. the talksprite is also wonderful. im inclined to change my pfp into feferi's talksprite because i like her design so much. also because hooray! She's just dead, not corrupted by horrorterrors. in my mind she is laughing at tavros and doomed dave rap battle while surrounded by beautiful scenery

-also, i cant believe infinite stairs are referenced AGAIN with sollux and karkat. and SMUPPET ASS JOKE? on tavros dead body? lmao. okay i need to see smuppet ass on dave again. he was just so funny with it. and karkat shipping craze with jadesprite and jade. the jokes are really good, fr

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #homestuck liveread

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 1 year

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I didn't think I'd really need to come back here after everything. It's so stupid. My dad has given me my own weed and it is way stronger than the pills. So many different ways it affects me. But I've been mostly sober since the attempt that started all this. Ig partially out of respect.. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to my parents if I continue my junkie ways after they had to listen to me scream and yell about how I felt trapped and then when things open up, boom still doing it

I dunno if that makes sense tbh.. lemme know ik I suck at explaining things correctly.

Anyway I've been sober 99% of the time since. I kinda don't like smoking as much now. It made my teeth hurt and I hallucinate when I get high. It's nothing crazy no where near as vivid the dph hallucinations get ofc. Tho it still scares me so bad. It can range anywhere to a few small & constant noises that makes everything hard to hear unless I'm focusing to hallucinations that put me in a state of delusion. I get so scared about ts I can't move. 9 times out of 10 I get this weird feeling someone or something is there and if I make a sound they'll come up to me. Those are the worst feeling ones dude I know there's no reason for me to assume anything is there but I just stiff up and cry as quietly as I can until I can work up the courage to check if they're "still there"

I used to do that when I was coming down from benadryl actually. I'd be too forgetful to be scared of anything like that mid high but all hell broke once it was wearing off

It makes me so annoyed. It makes me wonder if that's something I'll just have to deal with from here on or should I just stay sober from here on and hope for the best. It all makes me miss the pills so fucking bad. I was taking those for so long and it just felt like I knew pretty much anyway they'd effect me atp. It was straightforward

Dph made my heartbeat harder -> also made my heart sore when I'm not on it

The pills dehydrated me -> annnd if I took it too far, I'd go acidic and jaundice (which im ngl happened way more often than I wanted to admit.. when I tried to od again in December I was quite literally neon!)

Taking so many at once making my stomach have to dissolve anywhere from four to high twenties worth of pills at a time -> which led my stomach to get irritated and eager to get that shit out and made various issues there

But now? What. I don't even have anyway to measure so it's just a thing of.. o guess it kicked in, ig I can't hear rn. Oop dang ig I got too high now I physically have to focus on not freaking out over something that is not fucking happening. Oh what ig these stupid fucking edibles make my head hurt instead of making me high. Fun!!

I'm so over this shit. Im trying so hard to stay away. I didn't like dph after a while. You can scroll back and see so many things I hated about it. And yet I think about it every single day. I miss it so much. I used to be able to take a few pills and then poof blank out for a little while. As long as I took care after the fact, I'd be mostly fine. But now I have to deal with the unpredictability of my own mind or whatever nonsense I have to feel when I smoke/eat edibles

R has been really bumpy for me too. I don't know why like.. I've really been happy about our friendship lately. I feel like seeing how fucked up I had to be to my parents to make them listen gave me a new appreciation for her. I haven't blown up at her in a while but omfg I've done it a lot throughout our time together. Tho, she's still here for me. Nothing really changed. And I love her for that. I'm really just a random person online fr. At any point she could just decide she's fed up with me and ghost. But she endured my nonsense and still pushed me to look at things different. I never know how to bring that up without sounding like it's a romantic thing

Which has been eating at me so bad as of late. I don't know what th I feel towards her. If im still in love I wouldn't be shocked but it feels different from how I felt before the whole blowup a lil bit after she broke up with her ex. She's my safe space but she is also kinda fucked up to me sometimes. But I really can't help myself. I still worry about her all the time, I genuinely try to know everything and anything going on with her wherever possible, and I let so much go unspoken not blowing up and trying to keep her perspective in mind where I can.. I want her to not have to worry sm I hate that my presence has become a double edged sword. I love her so much it's become overbearing and hard to hide. I know it makes her feel pressure to hide stuff to keep up appearances/impressions. Shit sucks. It makes me feel like I'm in a parent's position atp..

Tho all that being said I feel like she still interprets my actions as some elaborate way to make her like me. Or me tryna be nice so that she falls in love with me. Some shit. And ik that sounds so paranoid and baseless but its been a pattern atp.

Everytime I get cheery and tryna treat her like ya know, my best friend, its like she takes that shit diff and mentions her ex as a way to tell me to back off. And I don't get it. Like no dummy I'm not excitedly talking about shit to lure you in YOU ARE MY FRIEND. MY CLOSESTTT. I know that she won't judge me for me and since she knows me so well, I rarely have to give too much of a backstory to talk about anything. It's nice. And I guess I abuse that privilege a lot. Maybe I should be better about not running to her about everything. But then like me being concerned and interested about what she's up to makes her do it as well. She briefly got with someone else (they've already broken up she ain't getting a codename 🥴) and I noticed her using her for that purpose too for a bit. Well. Before she got annoyed with her existence lolol

But yeah anyway like.. has that pattern already been there and I haven't noticed? Am I overthinking this action too hard and twisting it? It's frustrating me so bad cause I don't get why she interprets it like that. Am I just so oblivious I don't see how obviously in love I am and she's tryna push me out of that...? Or is she being self destructive and can't view my love as anything but manipulation.

Confessing to her has become one of my biggest regrets. It changed so much I hate myself for believing I was in lala land. Stupid fucking girl. All I could see was how much I liked talking wth her and it just slipped out. I didn't realize just how many fucking consequences it'd bring after the fact. I feel like im constantly dancing around shit. I wish I never said anything. Im so tired of having to study my every action to make sure I don't seem too eager to speak. I forget it happened some days but it feels like that's all she sees me as. I don't understand what to do atp. I don't want to lose her, we are completely ride or die aside from this. But my GOD I CANT TAKE IT. I feel like it's become such a giant elephant and it's going to rift everything once it's brought up. I don't want to piss her off and lose her for good

Between her and my ex.. I lowkey think I'm done with the whole romance thing this feeling is the absolute worst. Any time I express that myself in that way I come out of it feeling so stupid. It stings so much worse this time around. Least with my ex even though the shit only lasted a few months IT HAPPENED. I feel crazy feeling this exact same stupid feeling with someone I haven't even dated before. And for me to feel WORSE.. HOW?? I've avoided dating specifically so I wouldn't feel this way and then I stumbled and did the shit AGAIN! Let myself fall into even deeper feelings with someone that didn't even like me. Again. And I'm stinging worse than I ever was before. Crazy. I hope I never like anyone again.

I've been feeling blank as of late. Even with my family life improving and my health improving I still feel empty. The same I did before. It feels like now I'm performing a different role, but still feel the same. It felt so good to have everything in the open and finally dropping dph for good (probably) originally. But I really feel no better now that the dust has settled. Everything just shifted some

I try to be more open and honest about myself and what I feel but the central issues I don't know how to express. It feels unfair to air that shit out to R, my family or any of my friends since I know I won't believe them. It's so easy to say the right thing. So easy to assure me you love me. You care. But do you mean it? Or are you saying it because that's what you're "expected" to say and do? I dont trust a word out any of their mouths when it comes to shit like that. Looking at their unconscious actions and how and what they say feels like the most honest view of their thoughts. And a whole lot of that made me feel the way I feel. What's words going to fix when I can physically SEEE AND HEAR all the shit proving otherwise replaying in my head? Why listen to you try to cover your own ass when the evidence is already there? We both see the cards on the table. There's no point trying to sway me into looking at them different.

But I feel bad not being able to shake that sense. I know part of my thinking is irrational. It's fucked up I can't listen and change my view. It's like theyre speaking to a brick wall. It's almost like they can never fuck up since I can't let ts go once I've noticed it. I try to keep myself together because of that. I hate the grandiose acting I have to do to get through the day

I won't lie. I really sit there and wish I would've died that day. It's like ever since that last time ever since I got all my ducks in a row and decided I'm okay with no taking part in life, it suddenly made everything feel tedioussss. It gets on my nerves so bad I've been so angry. I wish I would've just kept my mouth shut and let things finally crumble down on its own so I could be left to pop pills til I either got it right and ended myself or guzzle em until I fucked myself up so bad I'd die without my intervention 💀💀

None of this seems to be worth it and I'm kinda over it. I made my decision. It fucking sucks that I'm still being forced along this stupid junk when I already decided it was all worthless. I wish I could hide away and just stop participating in society. Never talk again. Never play another game. Never spend a single cent. Just total isolation. I wish all the games I play were single player so no one would think to chat with me while we're playing. I wish the world was filled with robots so that I could go in and out of a store without thinking bout if the employees are thinking I'm stealing or wondering if anyone thinks I look as cool as I think I look

I wish it were just a lil bubble just for me. Go into a store, grab what I want, walk out. Dress up anywhere and take 10000 pictures that no one'll see. But idc cause i look so prettyyy and I like seeing myself in all my cute lil outfits. Eat what I want and how weirdly I want without people looking at me crazy. I swear it's all doable but it all feels like I'd have to completely ignore the outside world for me to be happy. Even shit like having to say good morning to my parents or thank you to someone holding the door open for me pisses me off. When I'm not in the mood for speaking, I aint in the mood for any and all speaking no matter how small. And lately uh it's been all I feeling

I don't know why I don't feel the motivation to try to kill myself again. Ig I don't even care enough to atp. I've been so over it now. I've been feeling kinda apathetic to everything to a degree. Not that it hasn't been nice to have clarity on everything. But I don't care to fix any of it anymore. I was done that day i tried to kill myself you know? Being here still didn't really change anything in my perspective. If I had a button right in front of me that'd instantly end me 100% guaranteed I'd put on a nice lil outfit then push that shit with a swiftness

I'd be shocked if don't end up relapsing atp. I'm tired of thinking

#dph addiction #dph #benadryl #diphenhydramine #vent #excessively long

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