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#if you're out here hoping that everything means nothing than bc that works more in your favor

k2ntoss · 3 months

Note

hi hi it's me again, back from the void

so like i've been so absolutely sick these past few days, it's horrid, but I've not been able to stop thinking about Jason bc y'know, total brain rot over here

anyway, i just need a jason in my life to give me cuddles and read to me while I'm sick and make me soup and gimme kisses and ugh i wish he was real so baddd 😭

- the very sickly lil 🦊

POOKIE????? first of all, how are you feeling now? i do understand your brain rot, i've been thinking a lot about jason while at work and i get too lost on it sometimes heh now let me get you something that can make you feel better 🫡 listen to this when you read, check on the trad bc the song is so sweet ): HOPE THIS HELPS TO CHEER YOU UP, 🦊

jason takes his vigilante shifts as serious as it's possible, after all that's his life and there's nothing more important than that or it was like that before you. there's no way he finds something else to get his mind busy when you're all he can think of and believe me when i say, he makes everything he can for you to always get the princess treatment you deserve and he couldn't help it, from the first time he laid his eyes on you he was totally in love and even when things weren't easy at first you both worked them through and that had gotten you here.

now jason can't see himself just going out on patrol when you're sick, that's the case now, it's a cold but a strong one and he's worried "grayson, i'm not joking- yeah, just one night i swear i'll owe you a big one" you can hear his voice as he speaks with dick, you had tried to convince him that you could rest on your bed and you would be fine but he wouldn't leave you when you weren't feeling good. his heavy steps let you know he's walking back into the room and jason smiles softly when you look at him from under the blankets "how are you feeling now, baby?" he asks as he sits next to you, his hand reaching to touch your forehead so he can check your temperature.

"i guess that there's no point on telling you i'm feeling good, right?" you asks with a soft chuckle, his touch is so gentle that it makes you feel fuzzy inside as he shakes his head before lying next to you "i'm not going on patrol, dick is going to cover me with bruce" jason tells you when he wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer so you nuzzle your head against his side "so i'll stay here to make sure you really take care of yourself"

he makes sure you're comfortable next to him and when you look up at him jason smiles brightly, is something so usual of him to you, even when there are bad and rough days or fights between you two there's also good moments like this and you both have made sure they are what matters the most because there's been enough shit that happened to you and him to cling into more of it. jason picks up the book he's currently reading, once again pride and prejudice because he knows you like it when he reads to you, jason would lean in to whisper some lines into your ear before he kisses your temple while his other hand plays with your hair.

"are we feeling better, princess?" he asks in a whisper, a chaste kiss to your cheek and one more in your lips because jason really doesn't mind if he gets sick too because that means you'll take care of him too "i feel better now... but i'm a little hungry" you say, voice gruffy and eyes a little sleepy thanks to your boyfriend's soothing presence and cuddles, he nods and sits straight on the bed with a thoughtful expression before letting out a hum "want some soup?" and as soon as you nod jason is walking to the kitchen because it's what has to be done if it gets his love to feel better and happy.

#⭒ 📬 ⭒#🦊 anon #jason todd fluff #jason todd imagine #jason todd blurb #jason todd x reader #jason todd x you #jason todd x y/n #jason todd x fem!reader #jason todd #dc comics #dc comics imagine #dc comics reader insert #reader insert

146 notes · View notes

niki-phoria · 1 year

Note

Hii sweetie, may i request TXT reactions to u crying in the middle of the night because you're having negative thoughts about your future, or bc u had a bad dream? that's happening to me rn so maybe that can comfort me a bit, i hope you're happy and healthy :)

⋆｡°✩ txt reaction - comforting their s/o

includes: mix between nightmare comfort and general worrying about the future, these are all around the same length, some are sadder than others, i'm in love with kai

a/n: thank you for requesting !! this idea is cute, i hope you like it :)) and i hope you stay happy and healthy too <33

gn reader (no pronouns used)

requests open !! read my rules first

⋆｡°✩ soobin

word count 292

you jump at the sudden feeling of a gentle hand against your shoulder. it’s warm and comforting, though it startles you all the same. “sorry,” soobin murmurs, moving to sit down beside you. “you’ve been working for a while. are you doing okay?”

“yeah, yeah,” you roll your shoulders back in a poor attempt to readjust your posture. suddenly the pain of sitting hunched over your computer screen and multiple textbooks hits you all at once in the form of a severe ache in your shoulder blades. “i’m fine.”

soobin remains silent, reaching over to press a hand against your shoulder. he gently rubs against the muscles of your shoulder. “you’re not fine. you’re tense and you’ve been sitting here for hours.” you let out a small sigh, slowly relaxing at his touch. “come here. let me take care of you.”

soobin wraps an arm around your waist, guiding you to your bed. he coaxes you to lay down on the sheets as he moves to lean over your back. his hands are gentle as he gently presses his palms against your back. your eyes flutter closed at the feeling of the tension slowly releasing from your body.

“what are you so stressed about?” he murmurs.

you groan. “school, work, the future… all of it. i mean, what if i’m doing all of this work for nothing? i spend hours studying and it might all be for nothing. i just… i’m worried.”

soobin leans down to press a kiss against your cheek. “you’re gonna be okay. it’s all gonna be okay,” he rubs a hand against your back. “you’re smart, and funny, and gorgeous,” you chuckle at the ticklish feeling of another kiss against your neck. “and it’s all gonna be okay.”

⋆｡°✩ yeonjun

word count 220

a gentle knock against the studio door catches yeonjun’s attention despite the music that’s been blaring for the past hour. he sighs, running a hand through his sweaty hair as he leans down to switch it off before swinging the door open. “y/n?” your eyes are rimmed red as he cocks his head at you in confusion. “is everything okay?”

“i…” you pause, taking a shaky breath. your gaze falls from his eyes to the floor before you continue. “i’m scared. about the future. i still need to finish school and find a job and an apartment but it’s all happening so fast and-”

“baby,” yeonjun rests his hands on your shoulders, forcing you to look up at him. “it’s okay. it’s all gonna be okay. i promise.”

you force a deep breath to calm yourself down as yeonjun reaches over to brush a hand against your cheek. he tilts your chin up before slowly leaning in to press a sweet kiss against your lips. you can almost feel your nerves disappearing when he pulls away, leaning his forehead against yours. “you promise?”

he chuckles a little, pressing another kiss against your lips. “i promise.”

“i think i need more convincing,” you murmur.

“i can help with that,” yeonjun chuckles, pulling you in for another and another and another.

⋆｡°✩ beomgyu

word count 256

you gasp, jolting your body upwards in a panic. beomgyu stirs next to you as sleepily shifting a little closer to you. tears sting at your eyes and your hands shake as you pull your knees up to your chest. everything feels like it’s too much as you bury your head into your hands.

“y/n,” beomgyu’s touch is gentle as he reaches over to gently touch your arm. “hey,” he whispers, coaxing your face out of your hands. panic continues to build, spreading through your chest and pressing down on your lungs until it feels like you can’t breathe. “breathe, honey,” he whispers. beomgyu’s eyebrows furrow slightly as he shifts to sit in front of you. he takes a deeply exaggerated breath, demonstrating what should be a simple movement that you’ve done your whole life.

you gasp your way through a few unsteady breaths until the air begins flowing through your lungs at a regular pace once again. “thank you,” you whisper. beomgyu brings a hand up to cup your cheek, gently brushing his fingers against the skin.

he pulls you into a hug, letting you cling to him. his warmth alone is nearly enough to comfort you. “do you want to talk about it?”

“not right now,” you murmur. “i just wanna sleep.”

“okay.” beomgyu coaxes you to lay down with him so you’re laying against his chest. he leans down to press a kiss against your forehead as you let the sound of his heartbeat lull you back into a now peaceful sleep.

⋆｡°✩ taehyun

word count 319

taehyun is quiet as he creeps through your apartment, careful not to make too much noise that could potentially wake you up. to his surprise, the light from your bedroom is on and the familiar noise of your typing can barely be heard over the familiar melody of their most recent comeback song. “y/n?”

you jump a little at the sudden noise before smiling. “tae,” you sit up out of bed, moving to wrap your arms around him. “when did you get home?”

“just now. what are you still doing up? it’s late.”

“i was studying. my exams are coming up soon and i need to pass them. you know how important this is for my future.”

“i know,” taehyun says, bringing a hand up to tilt your chin away from your still-opened computer screen to look back towards him. “but it’s late. and you need to sleep.”

you sigh as he reaches over, closing your computer for you. he moves it aside to set it on your desk before gently pushing you to sit down on your bed. he pulls your blankets back, patting the side next to him with a small smile. you shake your head but oblige to the silent request as taehyun reaches over to pull you into his arms. “this isn’t gonna stop me from worrying.”

“maybe not,” he whispers, tightening his grip a little. “but it will make you feel better to get some rest and cuddle with your boyfriend.” you chuckle as taehyun leans over to press a kiss against your cheek, and then your nose, and then right underneath your jawline. he pulls back with a small smile before you pull him down into a proper kiss.

“fine.”

“fine?”

“fine. let’s cuddle.” taehyun reaches over, turning the light off before fully laying down. you make yourself comfortable against his chest as you let his heartbeat slowly lull you to sleep.

⋆｡°✩ huening kai

word count 283

“y/n?” kai’s voice is groggy over the phone. you can hear the blankets rustling as he moves to sit up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “is everything okay?”

“i…” you pause, suddenly embarrassed about the reason for your call. “i had a nightmare.”

“oh, baby,” he whispers. “i’ll be right there.”

“kai-” your protests are cut off when he hangs up from the call. you sigh, deciding to wait for him in your living room instead. you wrap a blanket around your shoulders and grab one of the plushies kai had gifted you as you make yourself comfortable on the couch.

soft knocking against your door breaks you out of your sleepy haze. you keep your blanket wrapped around your shoulders as you stand up to open the door for kai. he’s wearing an oversized hoodie and an old pair of sweatpants.

“baby,” kai whispers, pulling you into a hug. you sigh, relaxing against his chest. he presses a kiss against your forehead before slowly pulling back to look into your eyes. “do you want to talk about it?” you shake your head, leaning further into his touch. “okay.”

kai wraps his arm around your waist, gently coaxing you back to your couch. he reaches over, handing you the penguin plush once again. he chuckles as you press the plush in between your bodies before nuzzling yourself against his chest. “i love you kai.” the words are muffled against his shirt though neither of you mind.

“i love you too.” he murmurs, leaning down to press another kiss against your forehead. he waits until your breathing evens out and you fall into a restful sleep before finally falling asleep himself. “goodnight.”

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satoruxx · 10 months

Note

congrats on 200 followers!!

im thinking of hsr blade + reader who keeps throwing him corny science-y pickup lines :3

examples:

"if i had to choose between DNA and RNA, i'd choose RNA because it has U in it"

"are you an arrhythmia? because you just made my heart skip a beat"

"are you rheumatoid arthritis? because you make me feel weak in the knees"

(inspired by @/nathan_fang_'s science rizz on ig, theyre absolute gold)

pairing: blade x reader | 1.3k+ words summary: all fluff and crack, just a teensy tiny bit suggestive at the end but it's harmless, blade is TIRED, classic sunshine x grump trope bc we all secretly love it hehe a/n: AHHHH hello anon! this was so much fun to write omg !! blade is such a grump i love him. i don't know if i did him justice though lol. i really wanna pull for him but i spent all my savings on luocha sobs. anyways thank you thank you for your support and i hope you enjoy this <33

blade didn't mind working in pairs. normally, he worked well with the teammates he had. following kafka's plans usually ended with a success, and even as irritating as silver wolf could be, she had enough knowledge in her brain to get them out of sticky situations. he definitely didn't mind working with either of them.

you on the other hand, blade was unsure of. ok yes, in your defense, he knew that you were quite intelligent. you were well-versed in the lifestyles of many different galaxies, and you were the type of person who liked to research as much as you could before you stepped foot on a new planet. so the first day blade met you, he did truly believe you were a mature, all-knowing researcher joining the stellaron hunters.

that was before, though. while you still did come off as all-knowing, he now knew you were far from mature.

"will you please quit it?"

you grin cheekily, watching him pace back and forth in front of the locked door you both were hiding behind, on the look out for guards. his red eyes dart back and forth between the door and you as you sit at one of the computers, extracting some files for the mission.

"i'm just saying you could try to smile more, blade."

he scoffs, eyes lingering on you and your annoying grin for a second longer. "nothing to smile about in my life."

you snort, shaking your head as you absentmindedly tap at the screen. "well that's dramatic. you just need something to make you laugh."

"I don't see any funny people around here." he sneers, eyes narrowed as he shoots you a sarcastic grin. you place your hand on your heart in mock offense.

"i'll have you know i am very funny!" you say defensively, shooting him a glare. blade only raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

"sure thing. because everything you've ever said has got me positively giggling. now will you shut up and work faster so we can get out of here?"

a mirthless smile graces your face as you narrow your eyes at him in retaliation. "you just have no sense of humor." you mutter, turning back to the screen. blade rolls his eyes before resuming his lookout, though his gaze does wander back to you more times than he cares to admit. the room is silent save for the occasional clicks of the software you were accessing, and for a second blade thinks he misses the sound of your talking, but he pushes that thought aside.

you somehow seem to pick up on it though, because you speak up again. "hey blade?"

"what?"

"are you rheumatoid arthritis?"

he can't see your face with your back turned to him, and he seems to think you're seriously asking him a question, because he frowns and begins to speak. "are you stupid? do you mean to say do i have rheumatoid arthritis? because, you know that i do not-"

"because you make me feel weak in the knees!"

there's a tense silence as he stares at you, his brain trying to process what you just said. when it clicks his lips curl into a sneer and he groans.

"aeons, will you please shut up? you are so stupid why am i stuck here-"

"hey blade, if you were an element you'd be francium because you're the most attractive!"

his clicks his tongue as you giggle, finally standing up and making your way over to him after downloading all the data you needed. you peer at him mischievously, eyes scanning over his sour expression. "what, not even a smile? tough crowd."

he scoffs, opening the door and ushering you out in front of him so that he can keep an eye on you. "what, that was your strategy? stupid nerdy pick up lines? try harder."

"you're underestimating my resolve, bladie. i will get you."

he hums absentmindedly, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at you as he peers down halls for any enemies before sending you the signal to keep walking.

you clear your throat, and he sighs as you begin your inane antics once more. "you must be a good benzene ring because you are so aromatic!"

"stop it right now."

"you must be made of uranium and iodine, because i can see U and I together!"

he pauses, eyes narrowing as a weird tumble occurs in his chest. he glares down at you from the corner of his eyes, trying his best not to dwell on it because aeons above you were just being stupid. he hears you laugh under your breath, and he's about to scold you once more before he hears voices approaching.

"shut up. guards." he orders quietly, pulling your arm back so that you're now hiding behind the wall with him. he watches them carefully, scarlet eyes scanning for any sudden movements as he keeps you behind him. suddenly he feels your finger poke at his bicep as you whisper:

"are you a carbon sample? because i really wanna date you!"

blade feels his face grow hot as he glares at you angrily. he immediately turns around and presses a bandaged hand over your mouth, leaning in close to hiss at you. "you idiot. didn't i say shut up? they're right there!"

you reach up to pull his hand away from your face, though your fingers continue to hold his as you give him another cheeky smile.

"ooh," you whisper dramatically, grinning at his close proximity. "are you a heart arrhythmia? because you just made my heart skip a beat!"

blade's eyes dart all over your face, and he ignores the way that it feels like his brain is short-circuiting since it's probably just because of how reckless you're being. instead he just opts for rolling his eyes and clamping his hand back over your mouth. you let him this time, though he can still tell you're smiling by the way your eyes crinkle.

as soon as the coast is clear, he's leading you back to the ship without a word. the entire way there, you continue to drop more of your stupid lines, and he only gives you annoyed groans in response.

by the time you both are safely back, he's had enough of you.

"-you have 11 protons? because you're sodium fine!" you giggle, and blade's eye twitches once before he's turning around and getting in your face once more. his eyes bore into yours as he smirks.

"oh yeah? if i was an enzyme, i'd be dna helicase, just so that i could unzip your genes." he says, keeping his voice even as he stares at you.

your jaw drops, face heating up at the unexpected turn of events as you stumble over a response. "w-wait, you-!"

"what? you've been yapping my ear off about how great our chemistry is. don't you think we should do some biology together too?" he smirks, red eyes lighting up as he takes in your flustered expression.

"well that's not what i-!" you pause, breath hitching as he leans closer and brushes a strand of loose hair out of your eyes. he chuckles under his breath, peering at you through his bangs.

"damn. you must be an alkali metal. one touch and already highly reactive, huh?"

"blade!" you hiss, eyes darting away from him and he finally relents, pulling back to watch you with an amused grin. you clear your throat, almost like you know how caught off guard you look. "i have to go...report to kakfa."

he bites back a grin, watching you leave through the dark strands of his hair. so flustered that you didn't even realize that in the end you did get him to smile? how amusing.

he laughs quietly to himself, shaking his head. maybe, just maybe, he could try to ask elio to make you his partner permanently.

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laguezze · 1 year

Text

PAC: Summer Predictions

it's almost June and I feel like summer tends to be an exciting time for a lot of people! In case you are wondering what are some things summer will bring to you here's a Mamma Mia! Themed PAC for ya.

Minors DNI as one of the piles is a little PG. Please don't. Listen to me. Don't interact!

Here are the piles!

Pile I

Pile II

Pile III

Pile IV

Ready? Let's go!

Pile I

Song channeled: Waterloo

"I was defeated you won the war." "Finally facing my Waterloo."

There's an energy of waiting and release. I'll explain. You've been waiting for something to happen, you've been making moves in the past and nothing came out of it. So now I'm sensing you're just defeated and decided to let go of it. You have learned you can live without this thing happening. And it's when you let go that it happens. Or for some of you, something better comes out of it.

Letting go is a powerful thing, it can bring new things, it gives you peace of mind. And although it's painful sometimes, the sense of release is better than anything else.

So basically, this summer I see you becoming more chill with others and with yourself. You're done waiting and expecting things from people and opportunities, you're done. So you're letting go, learning how to breathe and that will be rewarded.

Things I'm seeing could happen: meeting a promising connection, learning a new skill, getting a job offer, learning how to love yourself.

Hope it resonates! 💕

Pile II

Song channeled: Dancing Queen

"you are the dancing queen, young and sweet"

"you're a teaser you turn em on"

I'm seeing you wanna have fun this summer. I mean, you chose this dancing pile, so it makes sense.

And I'm not here to blow your fun away. But i am.

So you want to go out and meet new people, get into that hot girl summer mindset. Maybe you've had a boring year or your experiences with summer have always been dull and not special.

I'm seeing someone scrolling on social media, looking at all the fun things people are doing on vacation, wishing that was them.

Well, I'm here to tell you that may not be you. And that's ok.

You're not at that point yet and that's fine. You can't expect to go out and meet people in a place where you know everyone. And if you can't afford to leave that place then it's going to be very difficult doing that.

It's alright to have a chill moment at home, you don't need to be out and about everyday in order for your summer to be exciting. You can meet people other ways, and you can get to know the people you already know better. Deepen some existing connections. Your deep desire of getting everything new is putting you back. You need to appreciate the things in your life before you get new ones. Including people.

Things I'm seeing could happen: finding a good friend, shadow work, journaling, exploring and finding new places in your city, picnic dates, taking care of animals.

Hope it resonates! 💕

Pile III

Song I channeled: I've been waiting for you.

"You're something I'd been pleading for"

"And finally it seems to me, my lonely days are through"

Great energy here, pile 3. A lot of you have done the work and been introspective and learned how to love yourselves. I'm so proud of that. Some of you spent hours wondering why your FS wasn't here yet and used that to solve some issues within you. Some of you wondered why you didn't seem good enough for this new position, and you did the work and got where you needed to be.

Whatever this thing you wanted was, you've done the work in order to get it. So you will get it. This summer it seems like the universe is giving you a break and granting you a wish. I'm so happy for you guys!

Things I see could happen: meeting a soulmate, getting a new job, getting a pet, buying a new house, leaving home, traveling somewhere you were dreaming of.

Hope it resonates! 💕

Pile IV

Song I channeled: Our last summer

"Walk around the Seine, laughing in the rain"

"Memories that remain"

You guys will probably travel somewhere small, like a town no one has ever heard of. This might be home for some of you and you'll be going back after a while. I'm seeing this summer will be quite transformative. I'm seeing it will be peaceful and quiet, but that's exactly what you need. Although not uneventful. I'm seeing some drama might happen with old friends. But nothing major. Maybe you'll get a crush on someone or see your old crush again and remember.

This summer is full of nostalgia and old memories. You'll rethink a lot of your goals and values and discover yourself a little more.

Things I'm seeing could happen: meeting a new crush, making a song, fighting with friends, rekindling a romance, losing the v (iykyk), lots of firsts... (Iykyk), flower picking, reading, writing a novel.

If you're a minor reading this why would you do this to me, i told you to leave at the beginning like get off the internet and live your life.

Hope it resonates! 💕

The End

#tarot readings #free readings #tarot #tarot blog #free tarot reading #pick a card #tarot pick a card #tarot pick a pile #pick a pile #pick a gif #pick an image #pick a picture

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beenbaanbuun · 3 months

Note

Hey bunny! I'm back at it with my brainrot XD this time the trope is brother's best friend but the subject is still Kang Yeosang cuz I'm obsessed with him and the anti delulu meds didn't work 😮‍💨🫠🫠

I think this is the result of reading too many teacher/personal tutor yuyu fics + seeing posts about how our slow boy is actually hella smart, but can you imagine bratty MC and brother's best friend Yeosang (the brother in question being San or Yunho) who's known all over campus and your neighbourhood as being this sweet lil angel boy.... but who has been an absolute MENACE to you since you were kids?

Not in a harsh way cuz I don't think our boy is capable of that, but he's so indifferent and blunt? Barely pays you any mind at all and when he does it's this clipped, measured politeness?? Which is so unfair because he's beautiful and you've had a crush on him since forever???

Honestly it's more your fault than his that you're always so angry at him, but it makes you snappish and bratty just to try and push his buttons, but he never seems phased, always responds in a cool levelheaded way that's kinda hot and makes you even MORE pissed

So when you're failing math and your oh so wonderful brother decides to volunteer his only number literate friend as a tutor? And for some reason that friend says yes??

I can't finish these thoughts cuz I have a dinner to get to but yeah! Hope you have a good day bunny! Thank you so much for blessing us with all the incredible content that you do, make sure to get some rest and stay hydrated while you're at it <33

~Lyra

no bc i love this so much!!! just reader being bratty and then yeosang being all nonchalant about it AHDKSGDJSV ITS SO GOOD!!!!

but i feel like yeosang would be patient to a degree. like sure, he’s chill and cool about it usually but if you push his buttons too far he just snaps and you don’t expect it at all.

“can you focus?” he grumbles as he tried to find the relevant page in the text book. you’ve been watching the way his hands move over the pages for the best part of 5 minutes now, not taking in a single word he has to say. sure you’ve been listening, kind of, but that’s just so you can hear his deep voice in your ear - no other reason, “i’m not here for fun, y’know…”

you can’t help but scoff because of course not. why would he be here for fun? honestly, you have a hard time working out why he’s here at all, especially when he’s not getting paid for it.

“well, it’s not like you ever focus on what i have to say,” you spit back at him as you put your pen down defiantly. he doesn’t say anything or even acknowledge it, which only serves to drive your frustration up even higher. it’s not like you need a tutor anyway. sure, you’re failing, but you don’t see why that means yeosang had to be called in to help.

“maybe say something worth listening to,” he says, voice as calm as always, “now pick up your pen and work through these logarithmic functions for me.”

years ago you probably would’ve jumped at the thought of doing anything ‘for him’. what with his stupidly pretty face attached to that stupidly muscular body, and his irresistibly deep voice that only seems to come out with irritatingly quick quips. he was the only man to exist in your eyes, and perhaps he still would be if he weren’t so annoying. always so polite with you like you couldn’t see him being so free with other people. never responding to your jokes or rising to your teasing. it’s like he wants nothing to do with you, and you hate it.

in fact, you hate a lot of things, like the fact that you love a man who clearly wants nothing to do with you, or the fact that everything he does regarding you pisses you off. you hate that you can’t seem to shed your feelings of affection and lust towards him despite his apparent distaste of you.

but more than anything, you hate the fact that he’s tutoring you, and for some reason he’s doing it for free.

you sigh and try your hardest to brush away your annoyance. if he’s going to be here, you may as well make him pay, right? maybe if you push his buttons enough he’ll decide he doesn’t want to come back.

“i don’t want to,” you push your pen further onto the page with a shit-eating grin, “so you’re going to have to make me.”

you watch him as he mumbles something under his breath, eyes rolling into his skull in annoyance, and you can’t deny that it feels good to finally get a rise out of him.

“i’ll tell yunho you’re not being cooperative,” he threatens. you shrug your shoulders.

“and what’s he going to do?” you reply, “find me a different tutor? i doubt it,” you smirk and lean in close, “you’re the only one willing to do this for free.”

at this, he closes his eyes and puts his own pen down. you almost cry out in victory when he rubs at his face in frustration, a small groan leaving his lips when he pulls them away again.

“believe me, sangie,” you say in the most sickly sweet tone you can muster, “nothing you can do is going to make me cooperate.”

he turns his head in one shaky motion, and he looks at you properly for the first time since entering your house. he’s pretty as always, but you can hardly take the time to study him when he’s looking at your like he’s a predator about to pounce. his eyes are icy cold as he runs them up and down your body. his jaw is clenched as his gaze finally settles on your face, and you have to admit that the quiet boy has suddenly got very intimidating. you shrink back into your seat.

“fine then,” he says through gritted teeth, “either you do this, or i’ll have to find some other way to teach you a lesson.” now it’s his turn to lean in close. his elbows find purchase on his knees as he lowers his face to yours. you can feel the way his breath brushes against your exposed collarbones, and you hope to anything out there that he doesn’t see the way it sends a shiver down your spine, “don’t think i don’t notice the way you look at me, little girl. i’ve seen you staring at my hands. i know you’ve been daydreaming about me, hm?”

in the blink of an eye, he traps you. with one hand on one of your chair’s arm rests, he spins it until you’re facing him fully. his own rolls forwards until his thigh’s sit either side of yours. you blink at him, all wide eyed and confused. he just smirks at you.

“i’ve seen what you’ve been doing all these years,” a hand drops to your thigh, rubbing gently up and down against the skin that your short skirt - that you’d worn for no reason… no reason at all - had left exposed, “teasing me, trying to get me to drop my act and finally do what we’ve both been craving for so long. i’ve always kept to my lane for the sake of yunho, but i don’t think i can anymore.”

you whimper when he moves his face in close to yours, lips barely brushing up against yours. he smiles, nipping at your bottom lip gently.

“not when you so clearly need to be taught a lesson…”

#ateez x reader #ateez hard hours #ateez smut #ateez hard thoughts #yeosang hard thoughts #yeosang hard hours #yeosang smut #yeosang x reader

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getthisbread · 2 years

Note

Hello! I love you work and was wondering if you could make hc for the ninja with an S/O who cooks them luches/snacks/food packets, if they are going on a mission, Bc they don't want the them going hungry?

Ty sooo much <3

I love you so.

This request is actually adorable </3 I LOVE STUPID FLUFFY DOMESTIC STUFF!!!!!

title creds: The Walters, I love you so

Summary: While the ninja are away, they miss you more than anything. How would they react if they found you were taking care of them from across Ninjago?

Lloyd Garmadon, Nya Smith, Kai Smith, Cole Brookstone, Jay Walker, Zane Julien (separate) x gn!reader

Lloyd:

Lloyd was heartbroken to leave for the mission in the first place. Poor baby has attachment and abandonment issues, so he hates to leave. So, when he finds your care package it really brightens his mood for the rest of the mission.

Someone, probably Kai, makes a comment in passing about how Lloyd didn't leave anything for you. Lloyd instantly feels worse, but he gets over it. He knows you, and he knows that you wouldn't be angry.

If the mission is going to last a while longer, he will send you a letter. It contains how much he misses you, a very large thank you, and ramblings about how cool he was in his most recent fight. Extremely unorganized, but cute nonetheless.

When he feels lonely without you near him, he re-reads the little note you sent him, 'Hi, honey! I hope you like everything I packed, I tried to pick your favorites. I miss you so much, LOVE YOU!' It makes him feel a little less far.

When he gets back, he is going to be ALL over you. He went so without cuddles, and you even took care of him from across Ninjago!! He is so thankful for you. <3

Nya:

Outwardly, Nya doesn't seem to be affected by having to leave, she most definitely is, though. Nya doesn't want emotions to cloud her view, so she just pushes them down.

When she's alone, she finally allows herself to miss you. Doing so, she looks for the picture of you two she always carries, and happens to find the little package hidden in her luggage.

Nya goes red as soon as she realizes that you knew, you knew that she was horribly sad to leave you. You can read her like a book, and she hates it.

She takes her time to enjoy everything you packed for her when she gets down-time. She is so grateful to you for looking out for her even if you aren't there physically.

Once she gets back, she will be more affectionate in private. It's how she's able to show her feelings without embarrassing herself. She isn't good at verbalizing feelings. (I feel like Nya shows affection like a cat, she comes to you.)

Kai:

Some little mission? Nothing the fire ninja can't handle! Kai is so confident, almost to a fault, so he acts like nothing bothers him. When, in actuality, a lot of things easily get under his skin. Leaving you, especially.

Kai is very emotional when he finds the little package, he will even start to brag to the other ninja about how amazing you are, how you're all his, the ninja start to get annoyed with him lmao.

Kai being dramatic aside, the smallest most unnoticeable things you do make his heart melt every time. He thinks he's all big a nd tough, but you just make him so soft.

Kai will lay in his cot, and think about you at night. <3 He'll hold his pillow and pretend it's you to finally be able to sleep. Poor baby wishes you were here to take care of him and dote like you always do.

But seriously, he falls even more in love with you, if that's even possible. Kai is rough and fiery, much like his element, the sweet things you do always seem to brighten his flame tenfold. He is always willing to complete a mission if it means he can see you afterwards.

Cole:

Cole probably didn't notice till like the last day- In his defense, the mission did take most of his time, and the only free time he had was spent training. When he does find it, he's like, "Who the fuck put smashed cake in my clothes????? >:( I'm still going to eat it!!"

When he does notice, he is so happy, especially because you packed him a slice of cake, SCORE! He'll even eat it out of his clothes, he's cute, not clean...

He is genuinely so touched that you would bake/buy a cake and send him some for the mission. <3 The way to his heart is through his stomach, that's for sure.

Next time, he will check first thing if you sent him any goodies. He's like a kid on Christmas. The other ninja see him rip all his clothes out of his suitcase as soon as they get to their destination and are like, wtf??

Because he found it closer to the end of the mission, it will be fresh on his mind, so he will be sure to give you a big thank you in person. He will be yours for like the next two days, all over you.

Jay:

It would probably be so hard to sneak something in Jay's stuff. He definitely checks that he has everything over and over again. It's like five minutes before the ninja need to leave and he's re-packing his underwear lmao.

If you somehow are able to hide a care package in his stuff, he'll find it almost immediately, it's like he's got a nose for it I swear-

It makes him really happy though, his mom used to pack him little things when either of them would be away, so it's like a sweet little burst of nostalgia, he cries.

He rants to Cole about how amazing you are, Bestie Things™, Cole is lowkey so thankful Jay has you to look out for him, it makes Cole happy too. :)

When they get back, Jay will tackle you in a hug, he is so mushy and sentimental all of the sudden you think something happened. He has to explain, no, nothing happened he just loves you and wants you to know it. <3

Zane:

Zane is a robot, so it's a bit hard to choose what to send him. Like what does he eat??? Batteries?? You genuinely do not know what he can eat, if anything. So you send him some nice double A batteries and oil, yummy, right?

He leaves something for you too, he's like a 5-star chef, so he cooks all your favorites before he goes, sweet boy wants you well fed and happy!

When he finds everything, he is a tad confused. He eventually realizes that you just want him taken care of however that may be for a robot.

There are times that he wishes he was human like you, there will be a point when you pass away and he will be alone. So seeing you try to take care of him, albeit in a strange-ish manner, he forgets about his past worries.

Even if he can't enjoy what you sent, it's the thought that counts. Zane was made to protect those who cannot protect themselves, so having you doing your best to help from the sidelines motivates him to do his best.

I am sosososoos sorry this took so long. I'm actually sick rn, but I'm starting to get better!! I hope this isn't bad- I guess my writing gets worse when I'm sick lmao. Thank you for waiting though!!! <3

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keeponquinning · 7 months

Text

Here with Me — The Pros and Cons — Part One

Joseph Quinn x Latina!Fem!Novelist!Reader — RPF — 18+

word count — 19.5k

summary — it's your birthday weekend and you're working. at the local con in LA, so things could be worse. you have your friends with you, as you're going through a dry spell, creatively. in between signings and a lot of nothing to do, you go to the nearby bar with your friends to kill the time before your late night panel with your peers and one trip from your table to the bar? well... that's the start of everything....

warnings — first off, RPF!! if not your thing, scroll! be nice, if thinking of being mean, think twice! i hope that rhymed. no smut in this chapter, though there are adult talk, cursing, reader is latina ( that shouldn't be a warning but kinda a heads up ) and there is some talk of that. bit of a surprise guest near the end ( think big blue eyes ) mention of porn. reader has a personality, if that's not your thing.... I understand. i tried to make this as entertaining as possible, no use of y/n. bit of mama joe and also a bit of pervy joe, but loads of charming joe.

notes — god, this was a LONG time coming. i'm trying to concentrate on this series, so i'll be working on part two as soon as i post this, but slowly. editing for the first time was fun, def added and changed a few stuff. so i hope it flows a bit nicer. i hope ya'll like this, it was fun to write and share with a few friends, shout out to @quinnypixie as being my beta in the way of me sending pages bc i'm a slut for comments and validation lmao saying that, please leave a comment if you liked this!! I appreciate the likes, of course, but nothing makes me more giddy than comments. only if you want, of course, but if you're feeling shy, so don't be! i wanna hear your guys take on this. i have total tinkerbell syndrome, i need applause to LIVE. enjoy guys!

tagging — @babybluebex , @quinnypixie , @inourtownofhawkins , @musicoverall , @seatnights , @figmentofquinn , @birdysaturne, @tomhollandseyes , @notverywise , @live-love-be-unique , @shanalynnphotos , @mmunson86 , @haylaansmi , @cestpresqueparfait , @iaminlovewithdilfs , @anaofthebarricade , @wolfiescosplay , @ailathealternate , @maximus2354, @j0qw , @missonlypost , @stabthecrab , @hanavakiih , @mrsmunsonxquinn , @rhapsodicaesthete , @elain00 , @drawdownthem00n , @munson-enthusiast , @roset01 , @alyssaaaaa-r , @josephmunson99 , @munsonsgirl71 , @ariegoldhouse , @rainbowbubbles9 , @justheretoreadleavemealone , @muns0nslov3r , @bluegalaxyprime , @k-corbett , @eddiemunsonsrighttoe , @rememberwhen-it-rained , @thoughtsoftheantagonist , @pvssy-destroyer , @joescigarettes , @jasminearondottir , @joeqluver , @babybat-95

( note, some of you i tried to tag but your blog wouldn't show up, if anyone knows a fix for this, let me know! )

wanna be tagged? click here and like the masterlist!

It always strikes you as odd that a big wall of noise could drive you crazy anywhere else — except at a bar and grill. Then, it seems comforting, almost, the sounds of clinking glasses, laughter… The floating of bits of conversation slithering into your ear, heard, but not quite understood. There was an odd sense of comfort to it, the scents of food wafting in the air as well, which made you thankful for the food in front of you.

The food that was intended to be shared was most definitely not.

How annoying.

“Why are you guys sleeping on the loaded fries?” came your voice, after scarfing down yet another forkful and chased it with a coke. Looking at your friends, sticking to their own plates of mozzarella sticks and onion rings, you let out a laugh. “I’m gonna end up eating this whole damn plate and then hearing about me being greedy and not sharing, you know this.”

Your brows raised at your best friend and her fiancé, their dishes having been shared with each other, half and half. “I’m feeling like you’re putting me down for my love of fries with,” you paused, plucking a clean edged one, “...creamy nacho cheese sauce, bacon, scallions, and mm, sour cream.” Popping it into your mouth, you lean back in your seat, the sounds of the bar swirling around you, chuckling softly. “What gives?”

Jen, your best friend, rolled her eyes. “You think I don’t want some?”

“You haven’t reached at all for it, not commented on it, nothing, which is unusual for you, wench.”

“Oh, I want some. I want some so bad! But…” She leaned back, dipping her mozzarella stick in marinara, “I’m being good, and leaving your plate alone. No mooching food from the birthday girl, that’s my rule.”

Ah. Right. There was that. A smile stretched across your face as you watched her bite and pull the mozzarella stick away, impressed by the cheese pull. “How uncharacteristically kind of you.”

“It was my suggestion,” the male voice of Gerry piped up. “Trust me, she would have demolished it by now if I didn’t.”

“It looks so good,” Jen concurred, shaking her head. “We’re getting one.” Dusting her hands together. “Gerry, we’re getting one and we’re splitting.”

Gerry raised his brows, “Meaning… I get a few and it’s mainly you.”

“Obviously,” his fiancée let out, as if there was even a need to question it.

You chuckled, feeling a bit brighter with your friends there. Jen and Gerry being more like a lifeline when you really needed it. And today? This weekend? You most definitely did. “What about we get some sliders, too? I still got… One panel later. The late panel, the spicy panel, so I gotta get my wit on high and I can’t do that if I’m hungry. And fries, as lovely as they are… Won’t cut it.”

“How was it?” Jen asked, taking one of Gerry’s onion rings, dipped in ranch before taking a bite.

“The signing?” Once she nodded, you let out a sigh, sinking back into your seat. “I… It was okay. I mean, it’s pretty awesome that people still read my books. Even bringing physical copies, I fucking love that, but…” A groan left you, tilting your head up toward the ceiling. “God, I wish I had something more substantial to say when they ask me when’s the next book coming out or…if I’m working on something. Instead of just putting on that forced smile and whipping out an upbeat, ‘we’ll see!’ I almost wanna admit I have nothing, but half-baked ideas and blank pages and I actually have no idea when or if that’s ever gonna change.”

And that was the rub of it. The reason you had wished you skipped the convention this time around. You loved them, usually. Loved meeting your readers, talking and discussing the industry and process with your fellow writers — most of whom you admired and couldn’t believe they even knew you. But the fact you had nothing but your past books to draw from, no new content to share, it was starting to weigh heavily on you. Not feeling as active as you should be. You felt as if you were letting everyone down — and, oh yeah, it was your birthday. Nothing like a birthday to really hammer in the fact that more time has passed and nothing to show for it.

You felt a heavy boot, the heel nudging your foot harshly enough to let out a soft cry. Furrowed brow lifted, narrowing your eyes at Gerry. “Ow. What the fuck, dude?”

Brushing back his long, dark locks from his face, he leaned forward, clasping his hands in front of him. “You know you’re going to do it, right?” he asked, eyeing you. “It’s not like you’re sitting around and doing nothing, you’re active. You come up with ideas — half baked, yeah, but they’re ideas. Do you know how many songs end up in the trash bin before I even play it for the other guys? So many. It’s the same thing, those half-written stories you scrap, there just hasn’t been a story that stuck, that’s worth reaching toward an end. It’ll come, it’s not like a hobby for you, we all know that. You just gotta remember that for yourself.”

Jen looked impressed, smiling at Gerry, brushing her fingers through his hair. “He’s right, you know,” she added, looking at you. “C’mon, Wench, I know it’s been….”

“Two years,” you finish for her, brows rising. “It’s been two fucking years…”

“Yeah, okay, it’s been two fucking years. It happens, okay? It doesn’t mean anything—”

Oh, God, you thought and instinct took over, leading you to stand up from the table, a quick, “Yup, I’m gonna get those fries and sliders, yeah? Another round of drinks?”

Jen looked at you, crossing her arms in front of her, tilting her head. “I fucking know you. This is a rough patch, a dry spell, things that are temporary…” Trying hard for you to listen, brows raised. “You got this.”

In your head, or at least in some small part, you knew she was right. That they both were right. It wasn’t just empty words being used to placate you; they knew you. Always honest with you, never were they the people that would bullshit you just to build you up and have nothing to back it up. Self-doubt was a bitch, though, and instead of taking it to heart, you took a deep breath, put on a smile and said, “We’ll see.” Pushing yourself away from the table, ignoring the furrowed brow on Jen, pointing to the glasses in front of them, “Another round, loaded fries and sliders.”

With a sigh, she gave a nod, “Yeah, yeah that sounds good. This talk isn’t over, but I’ll let it slide for your birthday.”

You let out a laugh, giving a nod. “Very kind of you, Wench.” Smiling at them both, you turn toward the bar and head off. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” she called out, leaning back in her seat. “Okay, what are we gonna do with her?”

Light colored eyes looked over at her, lifting his hand to gesture between them, “...this. What we’re doing now.”

Brows rose at that, challengingly at him. “...and that would be…?”

Giving her a shrug, he said, quite simply, “Being here. Encouraging…” Leaning over to her, equally as challenging as she was. “...but not forcing it.”

A heavy sigh left your best friend's lips, knowing Gerry was right, but not liking it. “Yeah, okay,” she relented, eyeing your plate with a handful of fries, letting out a huff as she pulled the plate towards herself. She met Gerry’s raised brows, raising her own, “What? She’s getting more, this doesn’t count,” taking a forkful and into her mouth with a moan. “I knew it. So good.”

He laughed, shaking his head, plucking one of his onion rings.

It was crowded, it was summer, the tail end of it where it lingered longer than anyone would have liked and yearned for the fall — though pumpkin spice would be on everyone’s mind early anyway. The first day of the convention weekend, as well, made the bar crowded and buzzing with excitement from its patrons. There was some pity for those heavy in costume, the layers of clothing would not do well with the insistent heat, though you found yourself admiring the wardrobe anyway. Still, you were grateful for the summer attire of cut off jean shorts, a tank top and — a flannel shirt you wore open that was currently sitting at the back of your chair at your table with your friends. It was worn more for modesty’s sake during the afternoon when you were in work mode, but the heat of the weather and the people buzzing around you? Fuck modesty, you were hot.

Your ankle boots were probably not the smartest choice, admittedly, and you hated cliches, however… They were your favorite pair, your cutest pair, and it was your birthday, so you wanted to indulge. Remarkably comfortable with the heel, thank the retail gods for padded cushions at the balls of your feet, but it did make getting across a room of crowded people…difficult.

Twisting and turning to swerve and weave in between, your lips in a constant state of letting out sorry and excuse me, sorry, you started to curse at yourself for doing this on your own. Hindsight is a bitch like that, you’re finding. You smile helplessly as you pass by a couple, one dressed as Geralt of Rivia and Yennefer, quite notably, before turning and that’s when it happened. An uneven crack on the floor, just inches from the bar, and the toe of your treasured booties? Yeah, hit right smack into it, making your body lurch forward. The worst fear hitting you, much like the floor would be soon, you were going to eat it. You were going to fall and smack your head on the floor. Fuck. Fuck. In a crowd of people who, coincidentally, seemed to have parted because suddenly all you could feel was air.

And then a strong pair of arms, steady hands and warm chest.

Suddenly you weren’t meeting the floor but standing upright with unsteady feet still firmly on the ground. Strong hands were holding you along your waist, your hands gripping tight onto pair forearms, heart racing, mind reeling. Did that just happen? Jesus Christ. You leaned forward, plush against his chest. Very warm, broad shoulders, crisp linen buttoned shirt and… Smelling really good, not recognizing the scent, male cologne, sort of woodsy with a bit of citrus. A sharp contrast to the scent of lavender and vanilla of some off brand perfume you got from Amazon. His scent, it even smelled of a big brand, expensive bottle, the ones you’d never bring yourself to buy yourself. But it smelled really good.

“Shit, you okay?” came his voice, sounding warm yet concerned, but the accent was what you cling onto the most. As it always did when you heard an accent clearly not American. “You almost—”

“Yeah, yeah, that…” Your eyes widened, straightened your back, eyes flashing to his for a mere second before looking at the bar, brows raising. “Oh god, if I tripped… If I fell…” Taking a deep breath, realizing your earlier thought of hitting the floor was off the mark, in actuality… “Oh, I would have hit my head right smack at the edge. I would’ve died. I would have bled, it would have been such a mess around all these people, oh, that would’ve been embarrassing.”

He gave a snort, and if you looked up, you would have seen his brows raised and an amused smile stretch over his face. “...I… I’m not sure embarrassing would be quite the word. Traumatic, horrible, something along those lines, surely...”

But you shook your head, “No, no, if I were to die on my birthday, that would be an irony that I would be known forever about, and I can’t have that,” you ended with a soft laugh, bringing your eyes to his face, your savior, and you find him chuckling at that, lips stretched wider in a smile and eyes, a chocolate brown, twinkling with what you hope is amusement.

And that’s when you really look at him, the brown curls which on top sat his shades. Big, brown eyes, that chocolate brown looking at you with raised brows, scruffy beard making him seem more… You didn’t know what, but you liked it. “...fair point,” he conceded, letting out an airy laugh, giving a nod. “That… I still don’t know about it being embarrassing, but the irony, that, yeah, I could see that. Erm, happy birthday, glad I was here so we could avoid all that.”

“I…” You had escaped death, but realizing who had saved you from that death was making you a bit more insane in your head. Smiling wide, giving a nod, “Yeah, that… Um… Thank you, for that, that was… Kinda saved my life — No, you did save my life, there’s no kinda about it. I… Um…” A laugh erupted from your lips, shaking your head. “... Hi.”

He smiled wider, chuckling softly, “Hi.”

Licking your lips, you clear your throat, and… You’re cringing a bit, because you recognize him. You fully do. There was no real question about it, as you looked at him, you knew. But… There will always be a part of you that had to ask, that needed confirmation. So, you had to ask. “You’re um…” Nodding your head, “Y’know, from uh…”

He exhaled, giving a nod, giving you the impression that he’s been through this before. You hoped he wouldn’t be a dick about it. “Yup, yeah, that’s me.”

“Cool. Cool, cool, cool…” You paused, trying to suppress a laugh. “It would be… Really lame for me to whip out, ‘Glad you didn’t run away this time’, wouldn’t it?”

Chocolate brown eyes widened, lips twitching into a laugh you could tell he wanted to let out. “Oh, yes, that… That would have been awful and truly embarrassing, I’d allow the usage of the word to describe it. Definitely.”

“Mmhm,” you hummed, nodding further, “Yeah, just what I thought.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t.”

“Good thing I didn’t.”

“Oh. So good.”

“So…” you let out, looking up at him, “Do I call you Joe or Joseph?”

“Erm…” He paused for a moment, furrowing his brow in thought, looking to seriously ponder on that. “Well…” His shoulders rose in a shrug, “I dunno. Erm… Whatever you want, I guess. Not… averse to either, honestly.” He let out a soft chuckle, “Dealer’s choice.”

“My choice? Cool, love that for me. Um…” Smacking your lips lightly, giving a decisive nod. “Well… I think Joseph works well — works for me, anyway…”

Giving a nod, he hummed, “I like Joseph. My mum calls me Joseph. So — Oh. Erm, not that you’re like my mum. I mean, not like… I dunno…” His brows furrowed, as if rethinking what had spilled from his mouth. “You don’t think it’s an insult, yeah, that I said you’re not like my mum? Or… Is it like… God, you seem lovely, just… Didn’t want you to think that I…” His brows furrowed further, seeming to confuse himself. “Trying not to say you’re beneath my mum in my standards or in my head, but also not wanting to seem like I think low of my mum or that I compare people to my mum on a daily basis, because god, that’s fucking weird, isn’t it…?” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Yeah, no, I’m…. I don’t know where I was going with that…”

Your smile widened with every word that fell from his lips, chuckling deep enough that your shoulders shook and enough to feel his fingers clench around your waist. “You’re cute. And sweet to not want to devalue your mom to an absolute stranger.’

He snorted at that, “God, like your brits bumbling, then?”

“Well,” you started, lifting your brows at him, “To be fair, that is how Hugh Grant started his career.”

It was his turn to raise his brows, a mockery of hope in his expression, “Are you saying that I could be the next Hugh Grant?”

“I mean…” you started, lips stretched the widest you could remember in a long time, “With those big chocolate button eyes, you definitely…maybe have the potential to be. I’m just saying!”

Those same chocolate button eyes widened at your words, your own eyes catching sight of his dimples as his own lips stretched just as wide as yours, a laugh bursting from those lips, “How do you know about my chocolate button eyes?” Raising a challenging brow, he leaned forward just a bit. “Have you been talking to my mum? Is this a set up? She’s been asking when I’m about to settle down…”

A laugh escaped you, “Are you saying I’m the type of girl your mum would want you to settle down with? I dunno, that’s kinda forward, we just met.”

There was something in his smile, those same brown eyes looking over at you as he gave in to a snicker, shaking his head, “No. Sorry, that is… You’re right, that would be insane, we just met. Under…quite…unique circumstances.” His brow furrowed, “Are you okay? Have I asked that already? Bit rude if I didn’t…”

“Yes, you did. Or… I think your words were, ‘Shit, you okay?’ which I understand to mean as a very British way to ask that very question.” You smiled, giving a nod. “You’re good. And…so am I.” Your hands give his arms a gentle squeeze. “Actually… I’m so good that… You could probably let go of me now.” In an attempt to take away any offense, you blurt out, “Not that it hasn’t been nice, being held by you like this, but um… Yeah, I’m… I’m good. My feet’s steady, so… You don’t… Y’know…have to keep holding me steady.”

“Oh. God, right, right,” he said immediately, his hands flying up and away from you. A smirk to his lips as he held out his hands, palms facing you, a boyish giggle leaving him. “That’s… Sorry, I didn’t even know that I was still…” Pocketing his hands, he let out a huff as he watched you settle and wrap your arms around yourself. “Well, there we go. Erm… I am glad you’re okay, that was…” He shook his head, “Yeah, that could’ve ended badly. I’m glad I was around, y’know, to prevent your very untimely demise.” You both shared a small laugh at that, but then he furrowed his brow, looking around in mild concern. “Really is maddening that… Despite being surrounded by so many people and none of them, not one person, went to help or even come to ask if you’re okay…”

“Oh, I did notice that, yeah,” you responded while looking around you, a small little offended glare in place. “Welcome to America, I guess. Bunch of rude fuckers. People’s phones would be out, recording my death and no doubt, I’d be all over everyone’s for you page via TikTok and so not in the way that would be welcomed.”

A light scoff left his lips, “Is there any other way on TikTok? I mean…” His shoulders raise in a shrug, “I dunno, I’m not on it, but it doesn’t seem quite appealing, does it?”

It was said so innocently, so casually, your lips stretching into a smile and eyes flickering with amusement. You could have fun with this, his statement sounding so… Almost boomer of him, despite the young age in comparison to actual boomers. Which only brought on further amusement in your eyes. “Not a fan?” starting off casually. Trying to ascertain how bad this could be.

“Well…” he started, brows raised a bit as his hand reached for the back of his head, scratching his neck. “Not that I ventured much into it, but…” He gave a shrug, “It’s just dances, isn’t it? Like I said. Not very appealing.”

You couldn’t help it. The roll of your eyes came immediately as did the laugh from your lips. “Oh, God, it is not all dancing. There’s so much more to it, it’s all sorts of things. All sorts of content from all kinds of creators. Actors doing skits, some they wrote, some they didn’t, or even just jumping on a trend that showcases their acting skills or recreations of famous scenes from movies, shows… Their interpretation of it, even if it’s lip synching, it’s them. Musicians showcasing their music by either remixing,” You paused a moment, raising your brows, letting out a soft laugh. “…which you know a lot about remixes, I’m sure…”

He gave a deep hum, giving a nod, “Yeah, yeah, more than I care for, admittedly…”

“Right, well, there’s that and singing, performing, either putting out a song or performing it live. Editors, doing video edits of either original material or… Or even video edits of their favorite shows, movies, actors… Artists? Speed drawing videos showing their skills and how a sketch turns to an actual fucking piece of art. Because not all artists can get their work in a gallery, but they can post a video on a platform that will literally show up on people’s screens,” a soft laugh escaping, and you saw how he smiled, tilting his head and looking at you as you spoke. “And then there’s cooking — you’re a foodie, right?”

“I…” he started, his smile growing as he gave a nod. “Yeah, yeah, I… I consider myself a foodie, sure. That’s on TikTok as well?”

Lips stretched across your face as you gave an earnest nod, “Yes. The good and the bad. Cooking food, sharing recipes, rating dishes or restaurants—shops, like… It’s such a tool for small businesses and in this fucked up economy, it’s so needed. And...” You hesitated a moment, before giving in to a reluctant nod, “It’s helped writers as well. Promoting their books, sharing their writing, connecting with readers and… You know, that stuff. And aside from content creators, the art of it, there’s simply fans of all of it, discussing all of it, connecting with others discussing it. I don’t know if you’ve considered that part but…” You let out a sigh, “Whether you grew up having to hide just things you like or never really recovering from the isolation we all felt during the start of the pandemic…” Shaking your head, “Connecting with others over things you love, or just even things or people you like… Without judgement, it’s so important. Also serving to just… Y’know, give yourself a voice. Not just about entertainment but… Just life and how it can knock you down. Pick you up. The fucked-up parts that traditional media is just never going to give you a chance to scream at the world, people on the app do. They’re given that chance, and they take it, and it’s great. And if you’re feeling down, there’s people that use the platform to pick you right up.”

Tilting his head, a bit, the corner of his lip let out a smirk, “So… Definitely not just dancing then?”

You laughed, shaking your head, “No, no, Mr. Quinn, not just dancing. And the fact that people are so quick to just boil it down to just dancing is… Not only ridiculous but fucking reductive. Yeah, it has some big downsides to it. Like any other form of social media, there’s toxicity and negative impacts and even people manipulating other people. A narrative that doesn’t align with the truth, but then —”

“That…is most social media.” His nose scrunched a bit, “Well… In the name of all transparency… Not just social media, but… Traditional media as well. Interviews and misquotes running amuck… I guess it’s not any better or worse.” His lips nudge to the side as his shoulders give in to a shrug. “I suppose I shouldn’t have downplayed it, especially since I didn’t know much about it… Until now, of course.” He looked at you with a smile, “You’re uh… You’re quite passionate, aren’t you?”

Once again, you laughed, softly as the flash of your teeth showed in your smile. “Bit too much, huh? I, uh… I get like that, sometimes. A lot of people kinda reduce that to my assumed Latina temper flaring up. Or my spice. Y’know, quick to think it’s anger or me blowing a fuse and basically boiling it down to some… Perceived… I don’t know…” You were trying to find a neutral way to say it, to not sound like you were going to go on another tangent. But you were struggling.

But he seemed to understand, with the way his brown eyes took you in, taking a deep breath and let out a gentle smile. “I didn’t see a… I guess those people would say…” His lips in a light grimace, nose scrunching again, and brows furrowed. “…an angry woman…”

“…an angry Latina woman… That part’s important…”

“Right. So important… But… No, no. Not hot blooded or…flying off the handle…”

“Ready to grab a chancla and aim for the head…”

Lips twisting to a wide grin as a snicker left his lips, shaking his head, “No, no, none of that… Nothing as… I can only assume reductive or downright patronizing as all that.” Slipping his hands into his pockets of his jeans, he shrugged, “I just… I saw someone passionate about what she was talking about because… Well… I was belittling a whole platform. Very dismissive. Bit of a dick, actually, now that I think ‘bout it?” You both shared a laugh at that, “Erm… Which…” Lifting his hand over his heart, “I am sorry about… But even as you spoke, you… You were passionate because you cared. And… That’s such a good thing, y’know? You don’t…get a lot of that. A lot of caring and not like a bleeding heart kinda caring, it’s um…” Sucking in his breath, he shook his head, “I dunno. But just… Caring. I… I liked watching that, the whole thing.”

“You…” your brow arched, “You did? I… Thank you… So, not too much?”

Shaking his head, “No! Fuck, no. Nothing like that, absolutely no worries there. Almost makes me want to give it a chance — almost.” Reaching toward his back pocket, taking out a lighter and pack of cigarettes, “Oh, and fuck anyone that sees something like that and make you seem… Like a stereotype like that. I can’t… I can’t even imagine how fucking frustrating that is.” He chuckled, “Most of you, American lot, just think I’m adorable, or precious so…”

“Oh,” you started with a light chuckle. “Right, all baby girl and shit.”

His big brown eyes widened as his brows lifted, and an almost sorrowful look on his face. “Oh, God… No, they’re not… Not baby girl…” Letting out a sigh, looking at you in such dismay. “Surely not. No — Keery, maybe, but I—”

“Mm, afraid so. I think it’s the big brown doe eyes that gets the baby girl treatment.”

He huffed dramatically, puffing his cheeks as he did so, shaking his head. “Doe eyes? What, like Bambi eyes? Well, that’s… These damn chocolate button eyes… That’s disappointing. Well, no, it’s… It’s sweet I guess but…”

He furrowed his brow. “Baby girl? Really? I know the accent and the constant apologizing gets erm… Well, the whole, ‘oh, isn’t he precious?’ treatment, I get that, but…” He let out a sigh, leaning toward you. “I’m manly. Like clearly, I’m manly as hell.”

He watched as you handled that for about a split second before the snicker came rolling out of you.

His eyes widened as your eyes closed as you smiled wide, an actual laugh coming out. “Oi! No!” he let out, though you could hear the faintest trace of a chuckle in his tone. “Don’t laugh! You can’t be laughing at that, now. I am manly. I saved you, didn’t I?”

“I’m sorry!” you let out, still fighting back some laughs. “I’m not questioning your manliness, I swear, but… It is a little precious you’re so offended at the baby girl thing.”

He huffed out a laugh, teeth biting at the corner of his lower lip. “Well, not so much offended but… I dunno. Not exactly cool, is it? Not very impressive to be known as… Baby girl or… Being thought of… I’m a grown man.”

“No, no, I get that…” you relent, laughter subsiding, your eyes trailing over him. Part of you not quite believing it’s him, but the fact that Joseph Quinn was looking at you and not only that, was engaging in conversation, was ridiculous. But not unwelcomed. “Well, if it means anything, you are…deceptively buff, which is sort of making me question things.”

His grin was dangerous as he looked at you, eyes trailing towards his arms, the bicep mostly. You couldn’t help but notice the almost overly pleased look on his face as he went, “Yeah? Impressed, yeah? By the pythons?”

“Oh, god, okay…” You’re pleased that he snickers at his own words, “No one said anything about pythons. Let’s tone it down a little, but yes. I dunno, I guess with Eddie, I just thought you were…”

“Skinnier?” he supplied, allowing you to nod. “Fair. I mean, I was. Went on…a not fun diet to lose that weight and…” He gave a shrug, a chuckle escaping him. “Two years of my fucking life and I loved doing it, but erm…” He nodded, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, like being able to eat what I want nowadays,” letting out a soft groan, “Which… I’m really taking advantage these days. Especially here, at this place, the food—”

“Shit!” you let out, surprising you both. “Fuck. I was coming over here to order more food for my table.” Surprised that Jen and Gerry didn’t come looking for you, though you supposed your plate of fries were demolished by now. “Completely forgot. That’s…”

“Oh, you’re with someone?” he asked, and if your mind wasn’t hazy, you would have detected the slightly disappointed tone in his voice. His eyes flickering over you, cautious. “Like….?”

“My friends— Best friends, in fact. Who are…probably pissed I’m taking so long.” He seemed to relax at that, almost looking relieved, an observation you didn’t put much thought to, turning toward the counter, making eye contact with the bartender. “Hey! Plate of loaded fries, beef sliders and two cokes and one sparkling water with lime, please?” The bartender giving you a nod, making you heave a sigh of relief. “Can’t believe I flaked about that; it was literally the only reason I came over here.”

“Well, to be fair, you did almost die,” he let out, smiling a bit and lighting up his cigarette, finally, it seemed. Taking a deep inhale, smoke flew past his lips, away from you. “I’m sure they’ll understand and at least you didn’t forget completely.” Pausing a moment, he lifted his pack of cigarettes, “Sorry, do you…?”

“No, no, I don’t,” you watched as he froze, holding his cigarette in front of his lips and the familiar look of guilt on his face. “Oh, but you can, I’m not… I’m not bothered by it if you do. Seriously, I’m not gonna go into the dangers of smoking.” With a soft smile, you added, “You’re a grown man, after all. A manly man.”

He snorted, “Fuck off.”

“Aw! So precious.”

Joseph’s grin stretched further, his brown eyes looking at you with a spark of amusement though he tried his best to look stern. Taking a drag of the cigarette, blowing away from you. “You’re funny.”

“That’s what they tell me.”

“Well, because you are.” His shoulders giving you a little shrug, “It’s good. I…” A soft laugh exhaled from him, “I’ve genuinely been enjoying myself, so… Thank you for that.”

It genuinely made you smile, hearing that, digging into your wallet for your card, smiling still as you tapped it on the POS device laid in front of you. Using your finger for your digital signature, you paused after, turning your eyes back at him. “… Actually… Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, yeah,” he said, taking another drag, brown eyes all on you.

They really were like big doe eyes.

A smile on your face, you cleared your throat, licking your lips. “It’s just, um… Well, when I fell, it… It was kinda sudden, obviously, generally how falls go.”

He’s smiling, now, which, fuck him for doing that.

“And… It was pretty lucky that you caught me…”

Oh, there was something that flashed in his eyes, then. Which was interesting, in your mind. Not something you could decipher right away, though. Concern? No…

“I’m just… In a room full of people that straight did not even flinch at a woman tripping over… You reacted really quickly.” He was holding his breath, the only way you could really tell was the smoke lingering from within, before he exhaled, once more, away from you. “Were you like, heading toward the opposite direction and just — bam! There I went, or…?”

You watched as Joe took a deep breath, tongue poking out and licking his lips. “Erm…” he started, almost sheepishly. There was something in the way he wouldn’t look at your eyes, almost guiltily. “…something…like that…”

Raising your brows, those little words brought forth this curiosity clawing from within you. “…something like that?”

“Yup,” he gave you, popping that p for emphasis, giving a nod. “Definitely…” His eyes wandered, flickering toward you, just for a fraction of a second. “…something like that.”

The thing was… When his eyes flickered over to you just then… It wasn’t at your eyes, or your face… But… Somewhere a bit…lower than that… It was so quick, though, but the way he stood there in front of you, so different than moments earlier where it was calm and easy. Just casual and nice and now, fingers tapping at his hip and when his eyes did meet yours. His big chocolate button eyes seemed bigger.

Almost pleading. That’s when you knew.

Lips quirked into a smile, eyes lighting up. A surge of giddiness bubbled within the pit of your stomach and was quickly spreading throughout your body. Oh, this was good. This was too good. The summer’s favorite white boy, the one, quite ironically, dominating everyone’s TikTok’s for you pages, the one everyone was swooning over… He…

“…oh my god.”

“I… No, that’s… I was…”

“…you were looking at my boobs.”

He scoffed, taking a step back and eyes wide. As if he was offended at the accusation. Which was fair, anyone that was called outright like you were doing would go for the offended defense. “I…” he started, his hand gripping at the edge of the bar’s counter, his other hand raised, forefinger pointed toward you. “I…” he repeated, his words halted as he brought his cigarette for one more drag before it went toward the ashtray, extinguished. “That… What I was doing was…”

“Oh, tell me,” you let out, arms crossed in front of you, over your stomach, purposefully giving your cleavage a bit more of a boost. “Tell me what you were doing?”

“I, well,” he said with a little nod. His eyes trained on your own, willing himself not to look down. “I’ll tell you, that’s what I’m gonna do.”

“Okay. Cool. Let’s hear it. Love to hear it.”

“Well, we’re gonna. Yeah.” You chuckled, and he wanted to, but only cleared his throat, “Shut up, you see…” A momentary grin on his lips. Slowly, he pointed toward himself, “I… Right? Yeah. I was having a drink, right? Yeah, I was. And then, I was trying to meet up with a mate, so… I was going to go outside and… Y’know, text or call him.”

“Right,” you let out, giving a nod. “It’s so noisy here, so yeah, that makes sense.”

“Yeah! Right,” he said, brows raised. “Far too noisy, at least for a call. So, outside,” leaning toward the counter, his palm flat on the top of it. “So, getting off the stool, going about strolling toward the exit, yeah? And…” he snapped his fingers, “And then you come strolling toward the bar, and… Well…”

“…you saw my boobs.”

His lips stretched, teeth biting at the corner of his lip, refusing to look at you before letting out a, “…. stop saying that!” quite exasperatedly.

Which only made you laugh, and not kindly. Almost a cackle which only broke the dam as it were with Joseph, because his laugh came tumbling down.

“Am I wrong?” you let out in between the giggling — yes, you were giggling with this man. “I mean, it’s okay! It’s okay if you were! No judgement.”

He let out a groan, facing toward the counter and laid his head in his arms on top of it. Quite dramatically. Comically, which only made you chuckle more.

“Honestly, I’m not even offended by it.”

“God, you should be.” His voice slightly muffled, his hands resting at the back of his head, interlocking together. “…it’s not… It’s not like I make a habit of it—”

“I was just a special case? Aw!” You heard him groan, delving further into his arms and hands grasping each other tighter. “No, really, I’m honored that in place as crowded as this, my tits are the ones that stand out — well, not cold enough to stand out — but,” you let out a soft laugh at yourself and even amongst the music and the chatter, you swore you heard him chuckle, too.

“..it’s actually…kinda flattering.” Looking down at your chest, taking a deep breath to see your cleavage heave, chuckling a bit. “Makes me feel very Blanche Deveraux,” you add, putting on a very questionable Southern accent as close to the golden girl herself,” …like my breasts have the power to make music!” Your regular voice coming back as you finished, “It’s thrilling.”

He soon lifted his head from the counter, looking over at you with a furrowed brow. “…I feel like I’m supposed to know that reference, but I don’t…” Your brows shot up at that and it was well noted by him as he added, “….ah. And I should know that, I’m assuming. It’s upsetting you that I don’t.”

It was. Well, kind of. More shocked than anything, and it showed. “Do you…? Are you saying that you… You’ve never seen Golden Girls?”

“…oh,” he uttered softly, his back straightening. “I mean, I’ve heard of it. Kind of? Erm, like uh… Well, mostly heard of Betty White, like obviously. But not quite… Never really… Sat down and watched it—oh,” he reacted to how wide your eyes got at that, and the way your lips parted. “Oh, we’re very cross about that, are we?”

“I — yes! Very! You’ve — oh, that’s bad. You should fix that as soon as possible, Mr. Quinn. Because yeah, it’s gonna bug me until you do. Not that I’d know, but still…”

A snort left him, grinning from ear to ear, no doubt with how ridiculous you sounded. But it was worth it, at least you got to see those big doe eyes again. “I can tell it bothers you, so…” He shook his head with a chuckle, “I’ll erm… I’ll try and put it on the books, yeah? Just for you, though.”

“I mean… It’ll be more for your benefit than mine. No, seriously, we’ll probably never meet again but you will thank me, I’m sure of it.”

Taking a deep breath, he let out a soft hum, “Mmhm, I’m sure of it. I trust you. So… I’m guessing one of them has a…. Southern accent? That… That was what you were attempting, right?”

Dramatically placing a hand over your heart, you busted the accent out once again. “I do declare, Mister Quinn, are you doubtin’ my impeccable imitation of the great and late Blanche Elizabeth Deveraux, initials spelling B.E.D? Oh, fiddly-dee.” You saw his smile growing wider at every word that left your lips until it broke out in a laugh. “Hey!” you let out, laughing as well, “We’re not all Master of Accents like you clearly are, buddy. Some of us are scrambling without that fancy schooling.”

“Oh, no,” he bemoaned through a laugh, “…you saw that, did you?”

“Oh, yeah,” you let out gleefully. “That was… A tour de force. I… It was the Liverpool one that did it for me…”

“Hey. Oi. Like I said on there, mm? My mum is from Liverpool and….” His lips twitching into a smile, nodding his head, “…sounds just like that.”

“Yeah… You really shouldn’t be disrespecting your mum like that. Just… Just doing her wrong.” You laughed a little, licking her lips, “No, no, it was…” nodding slightly, “No, it was really good. You were very…charming, actually. Especially for your first talk show appearance. I mean, it was Fallon, but you made it work. I’m pretty sure you got more fans out of it. You did…. You did really good.”

The way he smiled struck you, and there was a softness in his eyes you weren’t expecting, either. You’d expected him to be showered on dozens of praise and accolades for his role of Eddie Munson, which would be richly deserved. But there he was, standing there as if your words were the first he ever heard. “That… Thank you,” he let out with an impish sort of smile. “That means a lot, actually.” Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he let out a sigh of relief. “So, not embarrassing, then? The accent bit was really rough.”

“Oh, yeah, you um…” you chuckled, “You had the uh… Red face thing going on through it.”

His face fell at that, “Oh, don’t tell me that. You’re joking, yeah? Like… Not…” Your lips stretched out in a smile which only made him let out a soft laugh. “I wasn’t that obvious, was I? Really?”

A snort left you, shrugging your shoulders, “I mean… It wasn’t like… Okay, maybe your ears got a little red, too,” you paused as a bark of a laugh escaped him, the sight of him covering his mouth with his hand almost sent you into a fit of giggles yourself. “Which was kinda a dead giveaway.”

“What? N—” shaking his head bewildered, a whiplash of emotions crossing his features, yet the smile was still there, still wide. “I… What? What do you mean dead giveaway?! I don’t have—my ears?!”

“Oh, god, you’re cute. Do you not know?”

“Yeah. Right. Fucking adorable, and no?! No, I don’t… What… Do I….” he furrowed his brows, a hand reaching toward his ears, feeling them a bit. “…people noticed my ears get red?”

“Howards End,” you let out as if it was easily explained, and by the look on his face, it was. “The kissing scene.”

Oh, he looked like a boy on Christmas. A laugh erupted from his lips and eyes wide, “Howards End?!” he let out, his voice pitched, and then making a quick recovery with a clearing of his throat. Crossing his arms, though his eyes remained wide as he gave a nod, “Howards End. You saw Howards End? I was in that.” You snorted, and he closed his eyes, brows furrowed. “Right, yeah, you know that already,” he chuckled, opening his eyes once more to look at that. “So… So… You watched Howards End.”

“Are you like… Are you surprised? Yeah. Yeah, I saw Howards End but I’m not gonna discuss it because I’ll just get angry.”

“Oh, really?”

“God, yes,” you respond, taking a deep breath, “Eat the fucking rich, that’s… That’s what I got out of it. Was that not the main theme? Oh, and justice for Leonard Bast.”

He giggled at that, actually giggled which, God… You wish you didn’t find it downright adorable. Shaking his head, running his hand through his hair and grabbing his shades in the process, “Sorry, sorry, that’s just… That’s mad I’m only really used to my past work, y’know, mentioned through like… Bullshit networking and the like, not genuinely — So, red ears, got it.”

Your brows furrowed, “Wait… No, don’t buy it.” He looked at you confused, prompting you to explain. “Come on, I mean, it’s not like it’s totally obscure and like… You have a few things under your belt, I mean… People had to have mentioned your other stuff. I know everyone’s all… It’s all about Eddie Munson right now, I mean, the photo of you as Eddie with the horns and tongue is plastered all over the con, but… I mean… People have seen your other stuff. I know they have; I’ve seen people talk about your other stuff so, no, I don’t buy it.”

He tilted his head, raising his shoulders in a shrug, “I mean, yeah, but… I dunno, it’s just… Just sort of feels like they’re just being nice about it. But much of the time… Yeah, yeah, they’re…” He smiled, shaking his head, “It’s…. all about Eddie. Which is great!” he ended, holding his hand up. “I mean, it’s mad, but… I get it, he…” A bewildered laugh escaped him. “It’s…kinda special, hearing about… The other roles. I dunno, still getting used to it?” He shrugged, “I dunno. But erm, thank you, erm… Not sure for what, for… I guess…” He snorted, “Watching Howards End, I suppose. And angry on Leonard Bast’s behalf. Um…” With an amused expression, he raised his brows, “Not a nice ending for him.”

“If I think about it hard enough, I go in a rage, so, no,” the both of you chuckling at that. “Not nice, no.” Licking your lips, you can’t help but ask, “So… How’s it going, then? The whole… Madness of all the attention suddenly on you? How are they treating you?”

“Oh,” he let out, a sense of surprise in his tone, brows raising a bit. “Erm… Yeah, no, yeah, it’s been great.” Nodding a bit, letting out a soft laugh. “Yeah, no, it’s been good, bit new to it but, yeah, no. It’s been lovely, actually. So… Yeah, great.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yup,” he said, popping the p. “Really, really great. Really. Good fun and… Yeah,” nodding with a smirk. “Been awesome.”

You smile at that, crossing your arms in front of you. “Oh, it’s been awesome.”

“Yeah.”

“Uh huh… Tell me that one more time and I’ll believe you.”

He snorted at that, hands going into his pockets. “I… It has been…” The longer he looked at you, at your face, you could see his face cracking. A broad grin stretched along his face as his eyes lifted toward the ceiling and he let out a groan. “Oh, god, why do I wanna be honest with you, that can’t be good…”

You chuckled a bit, “I got one of those faces, I guess… No, really, if you don’t want to, that’s fine, but if you do… I promise, it stays between us. I mean, look at me, I have an honest face, it goes both ways.”

Taking a deep breath, he scratched the side of his neck. “Okay… Okay, well… Erm… It’s… Different?” His lips stretched tightly. “It’s mad, y’know, like I said. But… I’m enjoying it. Y’know, enjoy meeting so many people and… having that much of an impact, it’s… It’s um…”

“…a lot.”

“Oh, god, it’s so much more than I thought when I signed on,” he let out in a relieved tone. “Yeah, it’s exciting. Being in the business for as long as I have and never experiencing anything like this, I…” He let out a breath. “It’s fuckin’ amazing and… It’s not anything I’ve experienced before. I… Usually I just do a job and then I go home and maybe it shows up on the telly or on a screen, maybe, but…” He shook his head, looking at you. “Nothing like this — my face is plastered everywhere and… Yes, it’s exciting and I am loving it, don’t get me wrong — God, it feels weird saying this I don’t even…” He licked his lips, “It’s… It’s an adjustment, I guess. But I’m learning, so, that’s… That’s good, isn’t it?”

You nodded, offering a shrug, “Best you can do, really.” You watched as he gave a nod. “And I get it… I mean… It must be such a mind fuck. They talk about break out roles but, you don’t really have any clue how real that is until… I guess… It happens. And it definitely happened with you and… It’s a lot. It must be. I, personally, didn’t even know you existed a few months ago,” you ended with a laugh.

He snorted at that, “Oh, cheers! That’s… That’s lovely.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not just me, so… Saying that, like…” You paused, taking a deep breath. “Do I say this on the risk of inflating your ego…”

“Yes,” came the immediate response. “Please, I’m very needy with praise and I… Kinda… Said way too much already, so… I would appreciate it beyond words. Praise me.”

Grinning a bit, you shook your head, “For someone that hasn’t watched Golden Girls, you are giving Blanche vibes right now…”

“I… Sure, why not?”

Chuckling a bit, you leaned against the counter, looking over at him. “…if anyone deserved a breakout role, it’s you.”

His brows shot up at that, which made you smile.

“I’ve seen your other stuff, two of which before I even watched Stranger Things, by the way.”

Oh, his brows shot wide up at that, and you rolled your eyes as he propped his arm on the counter, resting his chin within the palm of his hand.

“In fact… Oh, God… Okay… I might have started watching Stranger Things because… I… I was impressed with your acting in…two of your works…”

“You did not.” His voice disbelieving to say the least, making you laugh, though he carried on. “That’s — No, no, no, that ridiculous you did not… C’mon, you’re taking the piss now.”

“I’m not! I’m serious. I didn’t even go looking for it, I was just binging and bam, there you were, the stranger things guy with the hair! I swear,” placing your hand over your heart. “Cross my heart and all that. It was like… Kismet or some shit.”

A hearty laugh came out of him, eyes practically wide as saucers. “Oh my god, that’s… That’s so funny… What… What two shows…?”

“Catherine the Great,” you listed off, lips scrunched to the side, “Mm, Prince Paul was…. I mean… At the time was… It was okay,” he snorted at that, nodding a bit. “But, y’know, I’ve kinda warmed up to Paul since then, but it was good and I was like, okay, not bad.”

“That seems to be the general impression I give off, yeah.”

“Shut up,” you fired back with a laugh. “But then… I kept going through my binge and I came across a series named Strike. Or, C.B. Strike here in the states, which is weird, I know, but… It seemed interesting so I got into it.” You smiled, “And then the second season came and… Wouldn’t you know? It’s that guy again.”

“Loving it.”

“Yeah? Well, I don’t know if it’s because I saw you in Catherine the Great first or whatever, but, as soon as you popped on the screen…?” A breathless laugh escaped you, remembering the moment as you shook your head. “It was… Different. And… Honestly, your whole performance was just…” Looking up at him with a smile, “You were amazing. Like… I was really watching… Acting, you know? I mean, obviously, yes, I was, but… Really… Seeing it in action, like… I don’t know. Not like I’m an expert but, it was just really… Captivating and… I couldn’t look away. I was… I was in complete awe of you.”

His grand smiles were gone, the broad grins as well, but there was something a bit softer that replaced it. A look of genuine awe in his eyes as he looked at you. You expected some quip of self-deprecation, but he was staring at you in silence for a moment, and suddenly his smile grew. Threatening to claim his entire face as he let out a huff of a laugh. “Sorry, that was… Erm… Fuck. I don’t even get that kinda feedback from my mum,” he tried to cover with a laugh, though his gaze at you seems a bit dazed. Fingers scratching at the scruff of his cheek. “I… Yeah, I put a lot of work on Billy, that… It wasn’t a lead role or all that meaty a role, but… Seems to have put on an impression on some and…” He nodded a bit, smile still in place. “It’s very sweet and… I’m glad it did. Thank you, really.”

It touched you that your words seemed to touch him, making you smile. “Well, no, it wasn’t the lead role or anything but… It was meaningful. And if it was any other actor, it wouldn’t be. You got talent, something I’m sure has been said over and over to you, but—”

“I’m very needy so even if it was, I wouldn’t get tired of hearing it.”

“Yeah, well, you are an actor, so that tracks,” you joked, making him laugh a bit, leaning back on his seat. “But yeah, I was so impressed that I binged the whole show, just to see you in action in the role so many fell in love with. And I… I thought it wouldn’t be so bad. Since, you know, I already knew he’d die at the end, so I was like, not gonna love him. Won’t hurt as much, right? Yeah… Did not make it past the cafeteria scene, so…”

“Oh, you like them obnoxious, then.”

“Hey, you call him obnoxious, I call him dramatic and yes, I fucking love dramatic men, but, only if they make me laugh.”

He seemed to take keen interest in that. “So, you like your men more dramatic or funny?”

Letting out a hum, you considered that. There was a key difference there, you knew. “I guess out of the two… I’d have to go with funny. I’d rather laugh than be frustrated because some guy couldn’t act right or be chill about things. Anything is pretty much forgivable if the person makes me laugh. Means we’re having a good time.”

He nodded a that, though you shook your head, “Anyway, my original point — You’re very talented, and that’s coming from someone that didn’t even knew your name not even three months ago and… Your acting, it should be recognized, you put in a lot of work with your portrayals, and it shows and… I’m glad you’re having your breakout moment. I really am… And you should enjoy it. All of it.”

He smiled at that, another one of those gentle smiles that made his eyes shine, you swore it did. “That’s… Thank you. I really do appreciate that. More than you know, really. And I am! I’m enjoying it. Still a bit mad, but… I’m enjoying it, I promise.”

“Good… I’m glad of that.” Taking a deep breath, you looked around. “How many cons have you done so far?”

“Oh… Erm… God, I think… This is my third one? Still a bit green…”

“Well, I’m a bit more seasoned than you, so,” you huff out a soft chuckle. “Make sure you’re hydrated, like seriously, even if the water’s warm, just take it if it’s offered by the staff. Same with food, though if you can hit someplace outside of what the staff provide… Do it. I mean, what they give you is good enough but… If you want to enjoy your time, it helps. Also? Snacks. Snacks are so important; you have no idea. If you can’t get a full meal and your breaks aren’t cutting it? Get you some snacks. Obviously not ones that need refrigeration and shit, but like, a little trail mix, if you wanna be healthy. Uh... Some chips or…crisps, whatever. I’m a sucker for chocolate myself. Or cookies. Sweets, it’s not…. healthy but, god, makes the day worth it. Also? Do not skimp on your breaks. I know the temptation to skip them comes but like… You, Mr. Popular, have a lot of folks coming just for you. I walked through the convention earlier and there’s a sea of Hellfire shirts all around,” you chuckled. “You need your breaks.”

“You’re adorable,” he let out, and it wasn’t clear if he meant to say it or not, but he was smiling throughout your little guide to surviving a con. “You’re actually giving me advice, that’s… Very helpful, yeah, but… Also… You’re adorable.”

Your brows lifted, “Adorable?” Scoffing lightly. “Adorable. Really?” Holding your hand up, you added, “Hey, this is sound advice, I’ll have you know.”

“Oh, it sounds it! I’m not disputing that, no, no, it’s really good advice and all that, it’s just,” he chuckled, shaking his head, “Sorry, just erm…” He shrugged, “I dunno! It’s… It’s sweet… Y’know, telling me all that. Which I’ll take to heart, absolutely. It is sound advice.” He winked, actually winked at you with a smile, “Thanks for looking out for me.”

He dared to call your advice adorable, but the wink he gave? That was adorable, making your lips twitch with a wider smile than you intend to let out. “Yeah, well…” Lips pursed together as you made a side glance toward nothing at all, just away from him. “You did save me, so… The least I can do to help make this con better for you.” Taking a breath, “Even though you only really saved me because you were being a big ol’ perv.”

“Oi,” he interjected with his big brown eyes wide, though any offense to your words were quickly dispelled with a laugh that breathed past his lips. “No, that… That is only because… You…. You got tits that make music or…whatever the fuck you said in that… Questionable accent.”

You felt bold at that, emitting a gasp and actually laid a hand on him. Not because you were falling, and he was there. Because you wanted to, it felt the most natural thing in the world to take your hand and smack his arm just like that.

And he, it seemed, felt natural enough for him to put on a wince, pull the struck shoulder back, his face a complete mockery of a pained expression as he let out an exaggerated, “Ow.”

“Shut up, that did not hurt.”

“Ahhh,” he exaggerated, rubbing where you had struck him. “Tell that to my arm, that’s going to be a bruise — Netflix is going to have a word with you about that.”

“Okay, well, it was in defense of my superior Blanche impression and big words from the man that attempted a Scottish accent, the supreme of accents by the way and ended up lisping it—” you ended with a laugh only to join his when a figure was seen out of the corner of your eye.

Turning it, you saw a young woman standing there, staring at the both of you. “Oh, hey, sorry am I blocking you from the bar or…?”

“Oh… Uh… No, I just… Um…” She was gripping something in her hand, looking from you to Joseph who had straightened up and offered a smile. “Oh. Oh, wow. I… Hi.”

“Hi, how are you?” he pushed out with a gentle smile, and a voice even gentler. Different than what you were hearing in your conversation. His eyes were on her, looking directly at her, into her eyes as if she was the only one in the room. “Enjoying yourself, darling?”

It amused you.

This was him in work mode, you realized, as you leaned back and looked on. The girl seemed taken by him, of course. How could anyone not? He was good, especially for someone so green in these sorts of affairs.

“I… Uh, yeah, yeah, I’m having a great time. Are… Are you…? Having a great time….?”

He smiled brightly, and you swore you saw his eyes light up. “I’m doing absolutely lovely, my dear.” The woman between the two of you looked absolutely starstruck, gripping on the hardcover book she had in her hands — … wait.

You knew that book.

Your eyes peering at the cover, eyes widened as if viewing an old friend… Because, as it turned out, you were. “That’s my first book.”

It was as if you broke his spell and her bright eyes looked away from him and straight toward you, a brighter smile on her face. “Oh! Yeah! Sorry, I…” Turning her attention to Joe, her smile turned sheepish. Embarrassed, even. “I just um… I wasn’t expecting you, when… When I was coming over I just…” She gave a shrug, “I only saw her —” And with a turn towards you, she clarified, “You. Um… This is going to sound really… Like… Stalker-y? It’s not! I swear it’s not —”

“To be fair that’s what most stalkers would say but go on…” you replied cautiously.

She let out a laugh, “God, I know. Sorry, it’s just… The prices for the con went up and like… It was just too much for me to buy tickets? But um… I knew this was the closest bar and it’s not like I came specifically in case you happened to come in, I’m out with my friends, we were gonna be in the area and its good food but on the off chance you did…” She held out the book towards you, “…could I…. I mean, could you… sign it?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Joseph raise his brows in surprise and confusion — but a bit of amusement there, too. Not like he was upset to be slightly upstaged now, but a bit surprised. You could practically see his big brown eyes taking in your name on the cover, only causing his eyes to grow wider if even possible. This didn’t really happen a lot to you, not before your TikTok took off and there was a face to the name. Your smile stretched wide, and you took hold of a copy of your first of your series, nostalgia hitting you and remembering how excited you were to hold the very first copy as given to you by your publisher all those years ago.

That was a different you, then. Excited. Mind brimming with ideas and plots and characters to take the reader for a whirlwind adventure of romance and unabashed sex. Your smile turned wistful as you looked at your main heroine, or the silhouette of her, she was still abstract, except for in your words. You remembered it was important, for readers to have an idea of what she looked like, tickled by the thought of a version of your heroine would be born in every readers’ head. Never quite the same, always a bit unique and different, a bit of themselves in her while reading of her story, of her life. That was important to you.

Your eyes lifted from the book, your book, and to the woman that placed it in your hands. Taking a deep breath, lifting your brows, you went, “So… You couldn’t afford to meet me in the convention at my table, so you decided to come here on the off chance I was here and get your book signed for free?”

Oh, the look on her face. You couldn’t keep it up even if you tried.

“I respect it, that’s really smart, actually… Good on you, I’d do the exact same thing,” you smiled as you saw the relief flooding her face. “Yeah, of course, god, it’s been forever since I’ve even seen this edition…” You smiled, observing the book, “Oh, nice, this is well worn down, the spine’s definitely taken a beating.”

She laughed, giving a nod, “Yeah, it’s… It’s honestly my favorite. I love the rest of the series but… The first one’s just… It’s special to me. It’s just the start of everything and like… I loved the emotions when I read it for the first time and it’s nice to remember that sometimes… Does that sound weird?”

“God, no, absolutely not. That’s…really fucking flattering, actually… Uh, I don’t have a pen or Sharpie with me, do you…?”

A silver Sharpie was produced in front of you with her eager hand, chuckling as you took it, “Thanks,” opening the book and to the first blank page.

“What’s your name?” Hearing it, you gave a nod, scribbling in your neatest handwriting the name and a little personalized message with your signature. Smiling broadly, you handed the book and marker with her, “There you go, thanks for reading, it honestly… It means a lot; you guys don’t even know.”

“Oh my God… Please, thank you for…” She shook her head, “Thank you,” taking a moment to read what you wrote, and the smile on her face was well worth it as she closed it gently and held it against her chest. “I am sorry I couldn’t make it into the actual convention, though…”

“No, it’s expensive, I totally get it. If I wasn’t invited, I probably wouldn't bother. It’s cool you thought of this, though. Even if it…” You gave a light shrug, “…It… It is a bit stalker-y but just a little bit,” raising your hand and showing just how little with your thumb and forefinger. “Just a bit.” You both chuckled, “But no, it’s totally lovely to meet you. I’m glad you got the book signed despite the struggle over the wallet being very real. Have a great night, okay?”

“Thanks,” she smiled, turning around but stopping, making a sharp turn, “Oh, and happy birthday! I saw your latest TikTok, kinda cool to celebrate the weekend at the con, right?”

“TikTok,” you heard Joseph let out as he sat back, arms crossed looking between the two of you. “…you have a TikTok.”

Your lips stretched wide as you fought the urge to not roll your eyes. “I do have a TikTok. A very handy one that reaches a lot of people that would maybe help in getting my work out there and voice heard.”

“Ah, well, I did hear it’s very good for that sort of thing.”

“Oh, it’s great,” she said, not quite getting what you and Joe were talking about. “I loved the readings you do from the past books and the stuff with Jen and sometimes Gerry and… Yeah, it’s great. Um… Though… Are you thinking about the next book?” She winced at herself, “Sorry, is that like… You’ve probably been asked that before.”

Oh, she had no idea....

“…it’s a popular one, yeah… There are thoughts and ideas, for sure. Work in progress, you know how those things are. But I don’t have a definite date yet. So…” Oh, God. You put on a smile, and a nod, “We’ll see.”

“Awesome,” she let out, and then, nervously, looking at Joseph. “…would I be pushing my luck if I asked for a pic?” Her smile turning nervous, “I… I really loved Eddie, um. I cried when he died… You were so good; I really hope you come back next season.”

It was amazing to see the switch come on, a smile that was broad but still polite, almost guarded came over his face, a gentle gaze thrown at her. “Thank you, that’s very sweet of you to say. It’s lovely how much you all seem to welcome Eddie and I’m so thankful for that. I…” he let out a soft laugh, shaking his head, “I honestly don’t know about next season, erm… I haven’t heard anything yet but…” He gave a shrug, taking a quick glance at you, a smile twitching at his lips as he turned to her and said, “We’ll see. And no, you’re not pushing your luck at all, I’d love to take a selfie with you.”

From the look of her face, it almost seemed like Christmas, watching as they posed together, Joseph holding up the camera and waiting for the perfect shot before he took it. Handing her phone over back to her, she suddenly looked at you with that same nervous look to her. Making you chuckle and giving a nod, taking her phone and taking a picture with her as well.

Soon, she turned and left the both of you alone together once again.

As alone as two people in a crowded bar could be, anyway.

But as he looked at you, a cocky smile spread over his face, raising his brows, chuckling low. “So,” he started, a toothy grin across his face. “You’re a writer.”

The smile on your face was wide, brimming with your amusement as you gave a nod. “… Yes, I am a writer.”

Crossing his arms in front of him, he let out a soft laugh. “I… I had no idea.”

You gave a shrug, “I mean… How could you? Not like I’m out here with a big old fashioned, 1920’s typewriter strapped to my back or anything.”

He snorted at that, teeth flashing in his smile, giving in to a nod. “No, you’re definitely not… I suppose… The advice you gave me about being at these conventions… Not as an attendee, then.”

A laugh escaped you, a gentle shake of your head given as you look at him. “…no, definitely not. Just part of the Con hustle like you — well, not just like you. I mean, you actors get a lot more action than we pitiful authors ever will…”

Oh, his brows shot up so fast at that, eyes wide — almost as wide as his mouth as they spread into the broadest smile you had ever seen on a person. A spluttering laugh escaping him, “Oh? Us actors? Really? You’re going with that?”

“Oh, you’re gonna deny it? We can go back to that convention center, if you want, and see how many pictures of you are plastered all over and see if it’s in the double digits.”

“Oh,” his brows furrowed, looking quite discontent at the mere suggestion of that. “Oh, fine, you win, just… Please, please, let’s not, yeah?” A small, breathy laugh slipped from him. “I’m pretty sure that picture will then just burn into your brain and that’s all you’d think at the mention of me and — no, no, no, no, don’t want that.”

Lips twitching into a smile you were trying to hold back, giving an understanding nod. “Mm, yeah… Really regretting the devil horns and the tongue pose, huh?”

“…yeah, people’ve really clung to that…”

“It’s a good pose! To be fair, and really great in the scene.”

“Well, I thought so! Still do. But… It’s really something walking and seeing that picture staring at you all over.”

“Which proves my earlier point. Your lines are… Way longer than mine will ever be, so… To bring us back to the original point… Us pitiful authors are more likely to not be recognized than you actors that are so well loved and pretty enough to be recognized—”

“Aw, you think I’m pretty?”

You laughed, a bit harder than you intended, eyes looking at him as you felt a warmth traveling up your face. Licking your lips, clearing your throat, “—I’m… I’m saying… It’s more natural that you’d be recognized more than like… Well, me. So, you know, if you’re feeling bad about it… Well, that’s stupid, don’t do that.”

He grinned at that, a soft chuckle joining in as his eyes looked down a moment, and you swore, you swore you saw his ears gain a slight reddish tinge of color before he looked up at you again. “…I’ll admit, I was feeling a bit of a twat which, well… I practically feel that every moment of my fucking life one way or another, but…” He smiled, “In this case, I’ll…try not to. Which is difficult.”

“Ah… Right…. The British thing, huh?”

That earned an immediate laugh, his eyes looking at you incredulously. He paused a moment, his smile widening further. “…you’re…working through your birthday. How American of you.”

“Pfft, not as if this is anything remotely classified as hard labor. You’ve clearly never worked an hourly wage job, huh?”

“Excuse me?” he said, a touch of offense in his tone and by the expression on his face. “You don’t know me. I could have been a hard-working lad.”

“Did you, then?”

He paused, lips parted, and an ever-growing smile on his face. “… no, but I could’ve done.” You laughed. “You can’t go just assuming things is my point.”

“Yeah, okay, fair.” Giving him a nod, “A fair point. And, yeah,” you admitted with a sigh. “I voluntarily chose to be here during my birthday weekend.” Giving a shrug, “Girl’s gotta eat. And, honestly, worse places to be on your birthday. I’m kinda fond of this convention. Meet up with a lot of fellow authors, and yes, the readers are great, it’s really cool to connect and see who is still willing to read my shit, so…”

“Well,” he interjected, nodding toward where one of your readers had sat down. “She seemed quite interested, so, I can see why you enjoy doing this.”

“And it’s local for me, too. So not much of a hassle, just drove here from home… Gonna drive back after some food… And yes, I get a bit of money and an ego boost so it might as well be on my birthday — don’t ask me how old, I won’t say.”

“Oh, no, I would never. My mum would never allow that if she knew, so no, won’t be doing that.”

You chuckled, “…you really are a mama’s boy, aren’t you?”

He snorted, “The sexiest thing in the world to be, I’m sure… But… Well, yeah, guess I am, a bit… That entirely make me sound like a… I dunno, a… It’s not sexy, is it? Like, I’m some man child or… Someone unappealing? Need to cut the cord sort of thing? Which I have! I am… Live by myself and all that, I just… Well… It’s my mum, you know? And yeah, I adore her.”

You were impressed he fully admitted to favoring his mum, most guys you’ve hung around with wouldn’t have. Gerry did, and Gerry was definitely classified as a mama’s boy from the get-go, but he entirely did not count in your eyes. That, coupled with the fact that the way in which Joseph asked was… Genuine. Vulnerable, even. And the way he did speak about his mum… That made him a very dangerous man.

Chuckling softly, you shook your head. “Doesn’t sound unappealing at all. It’s… It’s kinda… It’s the sweetest, actually.”

His eyes seemed to soften, sparked by his smile as his fingers stroked along his bearded jaw. “Yeah? Well,” placing his hand down, giving you a challenging look. “Sweet is hardly sexy, though, is it?”

Letting out a hum, your shoulders lift in a small shrug towards him, “Could be to some people.”

Licking his lips as he became silent for a few fleeting seconds, used, in his head, to ponder the point of even asking what was swirling in his head. Staring at you, the inside of his cheek nestled between his side teeth, deciding if he really wanted to know and just by how much, but he asked it anyway — “Is it, to you?”

You wanted to laugh.

Just… Laugh.

Your eyebrows lifted, of course. Lips twitching a bit, to the point where your teeth bit into the flesh of your bottom lip. There was even a feeling of heat traveling up your neck. Joseph Quinn are you seducing me? echoed in your head, which only added to the whole hilarity of the moment and made you want to laugh even more.

Lips parted, though your mind went blank. Reassurance that he was just being funny was screaming in your head, that it was a joke, that he was just being kind. Crossing your arms in front of you, a laugh did escape you, but more of a huff rather than the complete guffaw you wanted to let out. The thought was too much — he was being too much with those eyes of his, peering at you like that. His head tilted back slightly, and you swore his eyes scanned your face, somewhat wolfish in the manner.

Worse?

He licked his god damn lips.

Fuck him.

“Could be,” you finally answer, repeating your earlier words. “Depending on the person.”

He exhaled through his nose in a huff, smile shown on that unfair face of his. He bit the corner of his lip, giving a nod, “So, definitely not a deal breaker?”

“As long as they don’t call me mommy or…try and make me into their mom in some weird, Oedipus kink sort of situation… No, no, not a deal breaker.”

“N—“he started, but a chuckle interrupted his words for a moment, shaking his head. “No, no, that would be… Yeah, Oedipus kink is a fair deal breaker…” Looking at you a moment, he took in a deep breath. “Do you like chocolate?”

“…um,” furrowing your brows and letting out a laugh. “I… I don’t really trust anyone that says they don’t, even a little bit. Outside of allergies, of course.”

“Right, of course. So, but are you a big fan of it? Like… Is it your favorite?”

“God, yes. I can never have enough chocolate, I will do…ungodly things for chocolate. Why?”

He clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth, pointing toward the kitchen. “They… They have this like, chocolate ganache ricotta cheesecake here that is…” his words trailed off, shaking his head in almost disbelief, “…the most…delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. Not too sweet, but still indulgent and just… Absolutely amazing… And… I… Yeah, just realized I’m trying to sell you on something you’ve most likely already had probably so many times, haven’t you?”

There was such a pitying look on your face, “…you looked so excited telling me all that…”

“Fuck,” he let out, leaning back in his seat. “Really thought I was doing something, there… Shit.” He ended with a soft laugh, rubbing the side of his neck. “It’s fucking delicious though, isn’t it?”

“Oh,” you let out, leaning against the back of your chair, “I would give my first born for an endless supply of that cheesecake, yeah. Favorite is the caramel drizzle on top.”

He laughed, more at ease, “Well, I don’t…really have a need for a first born at the moment, but… And seeing as you’ve pronounced caramel properly and the right way—”

“God, you are so British.”

“Yes, I am, now, shut up,” he chuckled, licking his lips. “…let me buy you a slice of that cheesecake. I won’t ask for a candle but, well… It is your birthday, and you are valiantly working through it… So…?”

An immediate smile came across your face, and it was in that moment you noted the light stinging of your cheeks, alerting you to just how much you were smiling within this interaction. Much more than you had in quite a while.

That could be enough, couldn’t it?

It wouldn’t be right to just accept it right away. So said some residual bullshit of pride in not seeking gifts from men you just met or accepting things so easily rose in you. One that mainly came from growing up in a family that was that prideful, the words of your older sister and maybe even your mother bubbled up. “You don’t have to do that…”

“I know. But I want to,” he said oh so casually. “Cheaper than drinks,” he joked with a light chuckle. “And I mean… More indulgent, I think… And, yes, you were right, I was…so…looking at your boobs like some fucking caveman and I need to rectify that.”

You laughed at that, causing his face to flush a bit.

“So, please…” he didn’t even ask again, looking toward the bartender, raising a hand. “Can you add that lovely chocolate ganache ricotta cheesecake to her order? I’ll pay for it or — actually, just add it to my tab, I should be sorting it out, already, thanks.”

It wasn’t normal, how that last part made your heart sink a bit. “Heading off?”

Maybe it was wishful thinking, but you swore you saw a hint of regret on his face. “Yeah, really should meet up with my mate. I really was on my way to do that, just…” He smiled at you. “Got a bit distracted.”

Giving out a nod, you hummed, “That does happen.”

“Mmhm,” he let out, taking his wallet from his pocket, the card reader placed in front of him. “So,” he started, whipping out his credit card and going forward with the payment. “You’re a writer. What do you write about, then?”

Ah, yes.

You were wondering when that question would come out. There were a lot of ways to go about it, flowery words — vague words that you knew others in your field typically went toward when someone not in your field would ask that question. Thing was… You never really got along with those that skirt around it, instead, admired those bold enough to be direct. Because that’s what you were at times.

Blunt and direct.

“Oh… Lady porn, basically.”

His credit card stilled in mid-air, just inches away from the tap icon and you watched with amusement — it was entirely out of amusement — as he seemed to freeze right on the spot. Perhaps he hadn’t heard you right. A trick of the ears, of you telling him something completely different to what he heard. Tap went the card, hearing the light chirp of the machine before the card was lifted once more, tapping the no receipt option and his eyes — oh, his eyes! They blinked, more than a few times as his hands returned his credit card back to his wallet, and you could tell the words lady porn were repeating themselves over and over in his head.

Slowly, he turned to look at you as his wallet was once more in his pocket, a look of confusion taking root on his face, licking his lips. “…what...?” Shaking his head, “Sorry, but I thought I heard…. What?”

Oh, it was too funny.

Your lips stretched into a grin, forcing you to bite your lower lip before you repeated yourself. “I…write lady porn for a living. That’s what I do, that’s why they invite me.”

“…lady porn.”

“Mmhm.”

His lips twitched into the smallest of smiles, eyeing you up and down. “…what, like… Uh… Playboy or, er, Playgirl or something like that…?”

You burst out laughing at that, covering your mouth, “No!”

His smile broke out, a brightness in his eyes as he, too, burst out laughing. “Well! What do you mean by that — Lady porn?! What does that…? I don’t understand, I saw a book!”

You had covered your face as your shoulders shook. Prompting his brows to raise in a look of total offense he couldn’t even muster to look genuine.

“Don’t laugh, please don’t laugh at me. What does that mean?” His tone was desperate, elevating in pitch that, you had to admit, was quite cute.

“It means I do write books. I write erotic books. Erotica. Like… Total literary porn but with a good dash of plot if anyone even reads them for that. I’m not strictly in the adult entertainment industry like that, although…”

You gave a shrug, thinking about it, “It’s not a bad idea… I could probably write the hell of a porn scene, like… Passionate, definitely made for women type of stuff. But no, not me, I just… I write characters or a character that is pretty free with her inhibitions and unapologetically likes sex and likes it a lot. So… yeah, that’s me.”

“Right…” He chuckled, nodding a bit, “Okay… Yeah, that… That’s makes more sense…” His lips spread in a smile as he looked at you. “I wasn’t really expecting that…”

“I mean, I could have said romance which is definitely the blanket term which…” You sighed, “I mean, I guess, technically I could say that… Less of a reaction if I did, I’m sure… But…” A soft shake of your head comes, “The ones that try and blanket their work as romance always seem…”

Licking your lips as you try to come up with the right words. “I don’t know… Kind of ashamed of their work. Like if it’s about sex, it’s… Cheap… Tawdry form of art or… The dreaded ‘not real writing’. Like if the story of two people meeting, connecting with one another in the most primal and human way is somehow less than if that same story were told but the focus not being about sex but instead the focus being this…” You sighed, “I don’t know, flowery, almost virginal point of view with characters that are just perfect and have no flaws. Selling on the story of true love fixes all when… Sometimes love just isn’t enough. I get the appeal, don’t get me wrong, we all want a little fantasy but… I don’t know, there’s just this double standard in the industry. That to be seen as a true writer, you can’t make the emphasis on passion and desire, but you are if what you write about is how someone completes you and I…”

His smile was gentle, warm, the chuckle escaping him matched it. “That’s… That’s not you.”

“No…” you answered, a sly smile to your face. “I’m not or ever will be ashamed that I write hot ass smut.”

“I…” he started, his grin wide and eyes twinkling with utter amusement. “I can’t say for sure or not, but I definitely don’t doubt it.” Brows raising in thought, his smile turning a bit mischievous, “Then again… I could go ahead and buy your books, couldn’t I? To know for sure, completely and without question…”

Taking in a deep breath, ignoring the sense of panic at the mere thought of him reading your work, you tried to play it cool, shaking your head. “Oh, I don’t know if you could handle it, honestly? I mean… Your immediate go to for porn were playboy, or, er, playgirl… You’re kinda behind the times.”

“Oh, am I?” his face still the perfect image of amused. “Would you rather I whip out names like, brazzers or something?”

A dramatic eye roll given, “God, you would go for brazzers. All men go for brazzers.”

“Oh, is that unoriginal for you? And you would go for…?”

“Mmm… Nubiles, Vixen… Adult Time can be good… For straight, porn, anyway. Bellesa is doing good...” You look at his face and you laugh. “Am I shocking you that I know this many labels of porn creators?”

“A bit, yeah!” he barked out with a laugh. “I, erm… Just that… You watch porn.”

“I write porn, so of course I watch it. How else am I supposed to write out the sexual depravity that my readers secretly yearn for but would never say out loud? That’s my job, I give it to them, make them explore a bit of themselves they never voiced or would even admit to their own damn selves. It’s selfless work.”

He practically giggled. You made this man giggle. Looking incredulously at you, leaning back, shaking his head, “Oh, now I’ve got to read your stuff. It’s a need, now. As soon as we…ever finish this conversation, I’m going to my kindle. Though, I do like the physicality of reading an actual book most of the time…”

“Well, I am selling them in the dealer’s room… I even have an in for them to be personally signed by the author. She’s hard up for money and attention, so…” You shrugged.

His hand dramatically smacked against his own chest, right over his heart, “I would be honored to have personally signed copies of that particular author’s works. I heard very good things. And then I can fully understand what the fuck is lady porn and see if I become a whole new man after I do.”

“Love to hear it, if you manage it over the weekend… At least your taste in porn would improve.”

His ears were burning, smiling wide and looking down for a moment. Positively bashful at the comment, licking his lips. “Did that, um… Probably not, I mean, you just admitted to watching a fair bit of it, but um… I mean… Though you are sort of insulting my supposed lack of porn knowledge—”

“Supposed? Are you saying you’ve seen more than you’ve let on?”

The smirk he let out was like that of a young schoolboy that was up to no good. “…no. Well… Maybe—I mean, if I did, would that… Would you…” He huffed a small laugh, “I don’t even know what I’m trying to say, it feels ridiculous…”

“Oh,” you let out, quickly understanding. “Are you, like… Are you worried whatever version of you inside my head is shattered on the fact that… I don’t know… That you watch porn, even basic porn, and are not, in fact, squeaky clean bordering on virginal?”

“…basically, yeah.”

You had to laugh, even a little bit, “Oh, you’re cute.”

“Stop it.”

“No,” you laughed. Realizing you needed to elaborate on that singular no. “I mean… No, there is no…shattering of whatever image of you out there or… I’m not disappointed or anything. Never thought you above porn, obviously. Or like… You’re so squeaky clean that I thought you wouldn’t…indulge. Fuck, I indulge… You’re grown, do what you want.”

“So… Doesn’t make you think less of me that I’m… Like I’m some big perv? Like um…”

“Oh, you are a big perv,” you laughed, “Remember? You were glued to the sight of my boobs, like…”

He burst out laughing, a grin on your face.

“You, Joseph Quinn, are an absolute pervert. And that’s okay.”

“…god, I’m never living that down, am I? Not ever? You’re going to go through life and just, whenever I’m brought up, just… ‘Oh, yeah, I met him once. A fucking caveman of a perv just looking at my tits.’ Amazing impression I’ve left.” You snickered, “One hell of a role model of a human being.”

“Shut up, it’s not terrible. Makes you human, you know? Honestly? It’s kinda…” And you trail off, your words halting.

And he catches it, of course, he catches it. Big brown eyes lighting up, looking at you, expectantly.

Your lips twitch, the words burning on your tongue, your bold, up-front attitude begging you to say it. Maybe he’ll be flattered, or perhaps it would catch him off guard that you’d see his ears get all pink and cute and it could be a nice memory for you to hold on to. But there was a part of you that was holding back. That didn’t want to veer into the realm of being cringe, though you hated the term and what it’s become. You wanted to be authentic, wanted to be yourself.

You wanted to say that the fact he was a bit of a perv… Was actually kind of hot.

The fact that you liked that he thought with his dick, that he wasn’t some baby girl type of man that you had to censor yourself around. That he could say fuck and wanted to get fucked. That he wasn’t the persona you saw on hundreds of TikTok’s on your for you page. Not fitting the narrative so many of his fans projected onto him. That he could be crude. He liked tits. Probably ass, too. Maybe even a leg man. Liked porn, wouldn’t mind reading your porn, if he was being honest about that.

The fact that all of that was very… Very hot to you was alarming enough that you just didn’t want to speak it out loud.

He was just being nice. And you didn’t want to say or do anything that would make him…not want to be nice.

Luckily, very luckily, your food was brought to the counter, veering both of you off topic.

Thank God.

Sliders, loaded fries, drinks and…a very generous slice of the chocolate ganache ricotta cheesecake — with caramel drizzle. You smiled, looking from the plates set in front of you back to Joseph. “Guess our conversation has come to an end. I should get this back to my very hungry friends by now.”

He gave a nod, smiling gently, though there was a sense of disappointment in his gaze at you. “…I have to get a hold of my mate, as well.” He watched as you stared at the plates, holding the sliders in one hand, the loaded fries in the other, still leaving the three drinks and the cheesecake. Biting his lip, he picked those right up, catching your eye with a smile. “Let me help you to your table, yeah? It’s practically on my way out.”

You furrowed your brow, “Are you sure? I can always make two trips or even text my friend to come help me—”

“Nah, we could do it just fine, I think. It’s no trouble, I promise.”

Part of you wanted to protest, insist that you could do it on your own or even bring Jen or Gerry along to help. You figured he had some place way more important to be, but the look of that smile on his face and his willingness to help… God, it wasn’t like you could say no, could you? A relenting breathy laugh flowed from you, as well as the relaxing of your shoulders. “That…would be amazing, actually… Thank you.” With a smirk, you added, “Your mum definitely raised you right.”

“Oh, can I tell her you said that? I think she worries, sometimes…”

His cheeky smile makes you laugh, only allowing the smile to grow wider. You started off on your path, allowing him to follow.

Licking his lips after a few steps, he took a deep breath. “Fake Taxi.”

That caused you to pause a moment, looking back at him, clearly confused.

He chuckles, nudging your shoulder. “…it’s not just brazzers, it’s… Sometimes it’s Fake Taxi.”

It clicks, and you let out a snort. “…really? Huh… I watch that sometimes, too…” You start walking again, spotting the jovial look on his face. “Do I have to sign an NDA now that you’ve confessed that Joseph Quinn watches porn? Wouldn’t want that all over the internet…”

“I don’t think you’d disappoint my mum like that… I am her baby boy, after all…” he let out as you let out a laugh. “And… Oddly… I kinda trust you.”

There was a warmth the sparked within you, not up your neck or on your face… But within your chest, surprising yourself. Taking a deep breath, you let out a sigh. “Well… It would ruin people’s image of you being so babygirl, so… I wouldn’t dare be the reason behind that.”

He let out a sigh, “Babygirl, really? I don’t even get Babyboy? Or man. Babyman?”

You know he’s trying to be cute, and he in fact, very much is, and you can’t help but let out a small laugh, turning to look at him. “…you really standing there in front of me, preferring to be called Babyman?”

“Not good?” he said with such a serious face, that it becomes comical to you. “Think I should go with something else? You’re the writer, what do you suggest?”

“From my ongoing conversation with you? Manchild.”

He let out a gasp, an actual gasp, looking at you with a hurt expression. “That hurt.”

“For someone that’s so dead set against being called babygirl… You sure are acting very babygirl.”

He tutted, “For the last time… I’m manly. Maybe you should spread the word. Do a TikTok.” Though the smile on his face gave the impression he didn’t mind, carrying on behind you, walking through the throngs of people, still… Avoiding the crack in the floor and further and further along toward your table.

You saw Jen and Gerry straight away, but there was a third person, very tall. Lanky, even. Speaking animatedly so much that his arms were almost flailing about and from what you could tell from Jen’s face, telling a rather intriguing story. Shoulder length blond hair swayed with his movements, a rich voice starting to cut through the crowd. It was familiar. You recognized him, you think. There isn’t much you can tell from the back of someone’s head. It wasn’t until…

“Jamie?” came Joseph’s voice beside you and that’s when the other turned around and those bright blue eyes confirmed it for you.

That was Jamie fucking Campbell-Bower.

V e c n a, himself.

“Mate!” Joseph let out, putting the trays he had on your table, putting his hands on Jamie’s shoulder. “Where the fuck have you been, yeah? Been waiting for you, meaning to call you, but...” Whether he intended to or not, his eyes flickered toward you for a split second, before going back toward his mate. “…got distracted. Where you been?”

“Right!” he let out, his hands grasping at Joseph’s forearms, “Sorry! Meant to call as well, signing went a bit longer than expected. Mobile completely died…”

“Oh, so, even if I called you…”

“Yeah, you’d been fucked, mate, sorry.”

He laughed, “Well, I feel not as bad, now, cheers.”

Jamie laughed, patting his arm, “Well, we found one another now and —” turning toward your table, “Mobile’s been charged.”

“Me,” Jen let out, “Because of me, because I have a portable charger on me, hi,” looking directly at you. Eyes wide, and an expression that was genuinely screaming — you’ve got some explaining to do, Miss.

You let out a grin, returning the look pointedly at her, wondering what your life was right now. “Always bring a portable charger,” you let out, placing the trays in your hands to join the ones that Joseph let down. Turning to Joseph, you gestured toward your friends, “So, these are the hungry friends I was trying to get more food to… My best friend Jen and her forever fiancé, Gerry.”

He immediately let go of Jamie and toward them, “Hello! Hi, lovely to meet you,” shaking their hands warmly. “Right, well, I’m Joe.”

“Oh, we know,” Jen let out, a smile on her face looking from Joe and to you. “Yeah, we know who you are.”

Wench.

“Nice to meet you,” Gerry interjected, thankfully, shaking his hand. “We loved Eddie, you did such a cool job, amazing job. When we all watched it, one of the specific things that struck me was like… Eddie was so someone I knew in high school, like, you got that down, it was really cool.”

You watched as Joseph put his hand over his heart, his face melting, “Oh my god, thank you, that’s very kind. Yeah, I’ve been getting that a lot, and it honestly means so much. I’m glad…” A soft laugh let out, “Whatever I did, it’s honestly a blur sometimes, resonated so much, thank you.” Taking a deep breath, “Now,” a step back, his fingers swaying between Jamie and Gerry, “…you two seemed a bit familiar, there a story there? I’m not jealous, but…” His back straightened, looking between the two, “I sort of am.”

“Joseph, you know you’re my favorite boy.”

“I demand answers.”

“I demand you not be so fucking rude, hi,” Jamie let out, turning to you with a warm smile and a hand, “Since I was going to wait forever, I’ll introduce myself,” pausing for the snort Joseph let out. “I’m Jamie, love,” he chuckled through. “Nice to meet you, how are you?”

You laughed, taking his hand and shaking it, “I’m amazing, lovely to meet you. And since we’re blowing up Joseph’s ass,” you started, getting a laugh out of that from the boys, “Can I say… Your casting was fucking brilliant. The way how soft One was when he was just the orderly? If I was looking into those big blue eyes, I would have believed anything he said, so good on you.”

Jamie laughed, holding your hand even tighter in his grip. “Oh, that’s so lovely of you! Warms my heart to hear that.”

“Honestly, I mean it, and that whole reveal with Vecna, One, Henry, that was so beautiful.”

“Yes, it was… Honestly so pleased how it turned out. And I did enjoy doing the whole monologue with Henry, really getting to know how his mind works. Thank you, I appreciate that so much, darling.”

Joseph took in a deep breath, “Yeah, this is why I didn’t introduce you, mate.”

You snorted, looking over at him and stuck out your tongue. “Anyway… And despite him being rude… I concur, you two looked like you knew one another… But that’s impossible because Gerry would never let that slip his mind to not even mention to us…” your words trailed, as you looked to the man in question, narrowing your eyes. “…yes, you fucking would, actually.”

Taking a deep breath, Gerry scratched the back of his neck. “We… Well… We kinda played a few clubs together, a few years back… During one of my tours…”

“Shit,” Joseph let out, recognition hitting him. “You’re in that band. With your brother, yeah? You’re a musician. Fuck, you look different.”

A sheepish smile came over Gerry’s face, “Oh… Yeah, I’m kinda known for being wildly inconsistent with my looks, at least back then.” Looking over at Jamie, “How’s the music coming along?”

“Oh, chaotic, as usual, but fun but definitely still going, though very slowly. Which I sort of enjoy, no need to rush it.”

“Slow and steady,” Jen supplied, looking directly at you which only made you narrow your eyes.

Choosing to ignore it, knowing exactly what she was driving at. “Sorry, sorry, I’m still going over the fact that you two,” a swaying hand between Jamie and Gerry, “…know each other. I mean, I kinda expect it, but the fact that,” pointing at Jen, “Did you know this?”

“No,” she said sternly, her brows risen as she said it. “Trust me, it was just as big of a surprise to me, too.” Turning to her fiancé, she cleared her throat. “We’re gonna have a big talk about this.”

“We’ve could’ve had Jamie Campbell Bower on a podcast, and you just sat on that information?! Dishonor on you and your whole ass family. Except Jen. Obviously.”

“You have a podcast?” You heard Joe practically squeak, Jamie laughing soon after.

Smiling a bit, you turn to him, “I have a bit of everything. Some of us embrace the internet and don’t act like some babyface boomers.”

Jamie cackled, his hand patting Joe on the back as he stood there, staring at you in a mock offended expression on his face as he let out, “How… Fucking… dare you.”

“I don’t know, mate, she seems to got you clocked,” Jamie let out, giving an approving nod. “Spot on, love.”

Joseph let out a sigh, “…oh, you’re all against me.”

“Well,” you replied, “You just make it both easy and so much fun.”

Jamie crossed his arms, looking between the two of you, “Okay, well, got me curious, how’s this come about?”

Joe let out a chuckle, “Jealous, are we?”

“A bit, you’re my precious boy —” his smile breaking out as he looked at you, “I’m just curious, crazy coincidence? Or serendipity.”

But before you could even attempt to answer, Joe beat you to it. “Oh, I saved her.”

You watched as Jen’s eyes widened, head tilting and worry on her face, “Excuse me, what?”

“The floor,” Joe started, “…attacked her. Almost sent her to her death, but I was there.”

And just like that, the worry fled her face as she let out a sigh. “The boots?”

“That and a crack on the floor, yeah. Or just uneven flooring. I don’t know, the tip of my boot hit it and yes, Joe was there and…caught me when I fell.”

You hated the way Jen’s face lit up at that. You’ve known her for so long that you knew the wheels were turning in her head. Soon enough, she let out, “Wow, that sounds… Absolutely storybook. You should write about it.”

Oh, if looks could kill… Or at the very least give a light smack of the head. “It was very…serendipitous.”

“It was good luck,” Joseph let out, clearing his throat. “Just plain good luck,” pointing a look at you.

That made you smile as you looked over at him, “Again, thanks for saving me.”

Chuckling softly, he gave a nod, “Well, that would’ve been embarrassing, I hear. Dying on your birthday, glad to help avoid that.”

If your eyes hadn’t been so trained on Joseph, you would have seen the look between Jen and Gerry, though you knew… You knew… As soon as it was just the three of you, the questions would come bombarding you. You couldn’t even blame them, really. This was easily the most insane few moments you’ve ever experienced. And it wasn’t quite over, yet, as Jamie slapped his hands on Joseph’s shoulders, eyes wide, “Joseph, you’re a hero now? Fancy that.”

“Are you proud, Papa?” he asked cheekily, looking up at him.

“Insanely, always knew you were so good.” Both chuckling at each other, before Jamie’s blue eyes found you. “And you! Happy Birthday, I hope it’s a good one.” He pointed at the slice of cheesecake, “Is that your birthday treat?”

“I was noticing that,” Jen chirped, “Treating yourself?”

“Actually…”

“I bought it for her, put it on my tab,” Joe answered, notably avoiding any glances before gently patting Jamie’s cheek, making him blink and look incredulously at him. “Oi, we got to book it,” he managed to get out before having a chuckle. “I got that panel in a few hours, but we wanted to…”

“Oh, right, that place, yeah…” Looking at the three of you, he smiled politely, “Sorry, would’ve loved to have a sit down but we really wanted to check out —”

“Jamie, no,” Joe let out, shaking his head, and looking at you with squinty eyes. “…. she’ll make fun of us.”

You have out a gasp, your hand over your heart, “How dare… I mean, probably.” It was your turn to narrow your eyes, looking at them both. “…it’s something British, isn’t it?”

Lifting his chin up, Joseph placed a finger against his lips and then a zipping of lips flourish which made you chuckle. His smile spread wide as he gave you a wink. “Happy Birthday. See you around the circus.”

“Wave a white flag if you need help,” you told him, watching the flash of his teeth as he dragged Jamie away who waved at you all. You couldn’t help it, watching after him until he was out of sight. Mainly because you couldn’t quite comprehend what just happened between the two of you, and the other part…

God, now you had to face Jen.

Your best friend in the world, sitting back in her seat with the most shit eating grin you had ever seen in your life. Letting out a soft groan, you sat down, pushing the burgers and sliders towards her — though you grabbed one for yourself. Taking a bite and with a flourish of your hand, gestured toward her. “Go ahead.”

“You fell into his fucking arms?!” was her immediate start. Her face disbelieving, a laugh struggling to come out. “That is why your ass was taking so long?”

“Hey, I almost died.”

“But you didn’t. And why? Because you had Mister Tall, British Man there to catch you when you fell!” Shaking her head, taking a slider and taking a bite but still looking at you.

The smile couldn’t help but form on your lips, shaking your head, “It was…a surreal moment.”

“It was a Jane Austen kinda moment.”

“He definitely has those vibes.”

“Dare we say like a Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy kinda vibe?”

You shook your head, “Wasn’t embarrassing enough for that. I’d have to had my boob fall out or show off my chonies or something like that. He’d make an awesome Mark Darcy, though.”

“He’d like you. Just as you are.”

“Fuck off,” you laughed, your attention going to Gerry, “But also, seriously, never mentioned the whole Jamie thing? We all saw Stranger Things together, dude.”

He held his hands up, “Hey, I meet a lot of people and you both know I hate name dropping.”

Sighing, looking at Jen, “Of all the musicians you had to fall for, you get the modest emo one.”

She sighed, looking at Gerry, “I know. The heart wants what it wants and we just gotta deal with it.”

“Love you, too.” Gerry leaning back in his seat, “Fine, maybe I could ask if he wants to sit in on a podcast, he might be really fun for you guys, actually.”

“Or Joe,” Jen lets out, smiling like the Cheshire cat at you. “Fess up. Did you get that man’s number?”

You snorted, looking at her with an arched brow. “Oh, I love that you think that I would even attempt to shoot my shot with him. Are you kidding? Do you know how many people in this vicinity that want to dick that man down? And the fact he’d probably turn them all down to dick down someone entirely not of our league, like an actress, model, singer… No. No, I did not score his number. I didn’t even ask for a photo.”

“What do you mean, you didn’t ask for a photo?! Like c’mon, he totally would have said yes.”

“I don’t know!” you said, finishing off the slider, giving a shrug. “I… I didn’t even think about it, honestly? Though, someone did approach and somewhere there is a pic of me and a pic of him with someone. One of my folks, a reader.”

You watched as Jen’s face switched from outraged to something resembling…pride. “Oh wow, that’s kinda cool.” Letting out a sigh, “You still should have…. I don’t know, if you weren’t going to get his number, at least a photo or something.”

“I got a cheesecake, and… Honestly… We talked, like, a lot.” You smiled, shaking your head. “He’s… He’s pretty cool, actually. Funny, too. More than those interviews usually show… I rather have had the conversation than like, a photo or a number that… Let’s face it. He’d either give me a fake one or change it overnight. Or ghost me, if he’s the type. It was good, the moment we had. I enjoyed it.”

“That’s all that matters,” Gerry let out, looking to Jen with as stern a look he could muster. “That’s all that matters.” He paused a moment, looking at you. “He smiled at you a lot though. There was definitely…something between you two.”

“Oh, God.”

“Right? Right?!” Jen practically squealed, “I knew it, I saw it, too! This is why I love you.” Gerry raised his brows, “One of many reasons! I promise.”

“You guys are way off. He’s just really nice, that’s all. But I’m glad he was. If he turned out to be a dick, that would be devastatingly heartbreaking.”

They both gave a relenting nod, eating their food for a moment while you dug into your cheesecake. Though you hadn’t meant to, your mind sort of swirled with little replays of that whole experience with him. The sound of his laugh, his smile, his eyes. Smiling a bit to yourself as you take that first bite, a small groan of appreciation.

It tastes sweeter than you remembered.

Your mind not daring to venture as to why, but you knew.

“He’s not my type—”

“Yeah,” you started, “We saw how you were looking at Jamie—”

“Shut up,” Jen told you, amongst your cackling, though she relented, “Okay, yeah, but… Joseph looked good… Like… With the beard and hair, you know what he looked like, right?”

“Enjolras,” you gave out, quite dreamily, without even taking a beat. “He was giving Enjolras.”

You could see Jen’s pearly teeth in her smile as she leaned forward, “You fucking love Enjolras.”

Your lips struggled to contain the smile that came out from the statement, the very true statement. Couldn’t deny it even if you wanted to. She was there when you all binge watched Les Misérables and watched him on screen, your eyes never leaving him, unashamedly.

“Enjolras is fucking hot,” you relent. “He was very hot…”

He still is.

Breaking out of the trance that induced you into, dragging reality to crash down into you. “Not that it matters. He’s probably… No, you know, it doesn’t even matter if he’s dating someone or not, it’s not… I’m not looking for anything and… No point in even entertaining anything otherwise. I’ll probably see him passing by through the con and nothing more than that, so… Yes, he’s hot, and very nice and…”

He smelled good. Like very good.

“You purring?”

Grabbing your straw, opening the end and blowing through it as the paper wrapper hit her so perfectly. Making her laugh. “You know what? Fuck off, firstly. And to prove that I know nothing will come of this, so it won’t be awkward… And a bit of an ego boost for me…” You licked your lips, a momentary sense of guilt, but, continuing anyway. “You know how he was there to catch me? He was walking and saw my boobs and was distracted so much that he was just there when I tripped.”

Sorry, Joseph. But it really wasn’t like you were going to see him again. And it really was too good to not share eventually.

“No!” your friend gasped.

“Oh, wow,” Gerry let out. “You guys know I’m still here, right?”

Ignoring him, you nodded, “Yup. Joseph Quinn? Total tit man.”

“Spellbound by the chichis,” Jen laughed. “I mean, wench, they do look nice in that top, not gonna lie.”

“And that totally saved my life, probably, maybe. Saying that, stays with us, don’t wanna spread that around. He did save my life, and,” gesturing towards your boobs as you sat back. “You’re right. Can’t blame him.” A soft chuckle emerges just as you feel the strong vibration of your phone. Shit. Telemarketer? Sister? Dad? Sitting up and digging into your pocket, you recognized the contact as none of the previously mentioned. “It’s the con peeps,” you let out, accepting the call. “Hey, what’s up, did we get bumped off?”

“Hey, sorry, no, not that. We’re uh, we’re kinda in a bind.”

Looking over at Jen and Gerry, you raised a brow, “What kinda bind?”

“Shelly had to pull out. Or, um… Well, she had a sort of…emergency…”

Your eyes narrowed as that sounded ominous. “…what kind of emergency?”

“…the…bring a new life into the world kinda emergency.”

“Aww!” came your immediate response. “Oh, that’s great, god, I saw her earlier, she seemed so miserable being in this heat and over her due date—Oh.” You let out a hiss, “Oh yeah, yeah that sucks for you guys.”

“Yeah, it’s great for her, but, not so much for us, so… She had a panel that she was gonna moderate in a few hours. And you’re always good about filling in and it won’t interfere with any of your bookings or anything like that and you’re always so good with them… Can you cover it for her?”

“They want me to cover a panel,” you explained to your friends, covering the bottom half of your phone before getting back to the call. “Um, yeah, sure, she’s always good with notes so I won’t be completely in the dark.”

“You’ll be great, just, you know, maybe… Tone it down a bit?”

“Oh god, are there going to be children? I can’t… I mean I can try and censor myself, but you know what I’m like when I really get going.”

“I know, but we’re really in a bind…”

“You’ve said that. I’m like your last resort, aren’t I?”

“…I’m not going to say yes, but I’m also definitely not gonna say no…”

“I do love your honesty. Okay. Yeah, it could be fun. I had a big gap between tonight’s panel anyway, I could squeeze one in between. When is it?”

“A couple of hours, thank you! We were scrambling. Getting desperate, we really didn’t want to cancel.”

“I got you guys. Is it a group panel or…”

“No, no, it’s a solo one, one actor, a whole hour and vetted questions from the audience. It’s that guy from Stranger Things? New to the cons, he played Eddie Munson? It’s going to be a big crowd…”

Oh, there was a buzzing in your head. Looking over at your friends who looked a bit concerned right back at you.

Oh, god.

What even was your life?

It had to be a joke, right? Some cosmic joke that whatever higher being was up there, so bored that he decided to just fuck with your life.

And on your birthday.

On your birthday!

“…yeah. Yeah. I’ll be there.”

Jesus H. Christ.

What the fuck.

What the fuck?

#✍🏻 — yve's writings #📖 — here with me series #joseph quinn smut #joseph quinn rpf #joseph quinn fanfiction #joseph quinn fanfic #joseph quinn x reader #joseph quinn x you #joseph quinn x fem!reader #joseph quinn x latina!reader

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roosterr · 1 year

Text

guardian angel ✹ ch 2

note: hello hello, I'm back again with more nikolai! I hope yall enjoy the continuation of this story, since I wasn't really planning on it when I wrote the first part and honestly i'm not sure how to feel about it lol anyways ENJOY!!

pairing: nikolai x gn!reader

word count: 3.1k

no use of y/n, no description of reader

I've retroactively given reader the callsign 'kilo 0-9' bc just referring to them as sergeant all the time felt a bit weird lol.

summary: the culmination of your efforts from your last mission leave a lot to be desired, but you're prepared to do whatever it takes to get your objective done.

warnings: canon-typical violence, fluff, soft nik, english speakers attempt at russian,

ao3

[one] || [three]

the night is quiet, calm – a rare moment of peace in the chaos that appears to be your life. the night air is cool, a welcome contrast to how sweltering the day had been; no matter how much time you spend here, it seems you'll never truly get used to the urzikstanian sun. it's the early hours of the morning now, the sun would be rising soon which meant you'd be back to work in a few short hours.

as you gaze up into the starry abyss, your mind in the clouds, you fail to notice the sound of footsteps approaching from behind you. a presence in the corner of your eye startles you back to reality, snapping your head to face them as your heartbeat picks up.

with a small sigh of relief, you realise it's nikolai, sitting down beside you and mirroring the way you're leaning back against the low wall behind you. he regards you with an easy smile, and now your heart is racing for an entirely different reason.

"i didn't mean to scare you, милая." he chuckles, stretching one leg out and resting his elbow on his knee. there's so little space between you, you can feel the warmth radiating from him, and it takes a great deal of restraint to stop yourself from shuffling any closer.

"it's alright, i was just spacing out." you smile back, feeling the tension leaving your body at the sound of his voice. it's almost unnerving how quickly he's managed to worm his way into your heart, but it's been so long since you've felt such a connection with another person that you can't bring yourself to be bothered by it.

"why are you out here so late? other than to admire the view, of course," he says, gesturing to the sky above you. a moment passes as you watch the stars, appreciating the calmness of the night.

truthfully, this mission had you at your wits end, you could practically feel the grey hairs sprouting from your head with the amount of stress this was causing you. but it was almost over – you just had to push through the home stretch, and then you could finally rest.

"i just couldn't sleep." you murmur. looking back over to nik, you're surprised to find him already looking at you, an incredibly soft look on his face. "what brings you out here?"

"admiring the view." he says, holding your gaze. in an instant your face is on fire, the cold of the night long forgotten.

"stop it…" you mumble with a smile pulling at your lips. you place your hands on your burning cheeks, turning your head to look at the ground in front of you as you attempt to calm your heart.

there's another moment of silence between you, a comfortable break in the conversation where you simply bask in each others presence. it had been a long time since you'd felt like this with someone; with most people, you feel the need to fill the silence, to keep talking or they'll get bored of you, but not with nik.

"something on your mind, милая?" he nudges your foot with his own, bringing you out of your thoughts.

"it's nothing, just had a long week is all…"

"дорогая," he tuts, grasping your hand that rests in your lap to bring your attention back to him. you meet his eyes again as he continues, "you're not fooling me."

a weak sigh escapes you, "everything's just… a lot, right now." you admit, you gaze dropping to where your fingers are interlocked.

"i understand," he lets go of your hand, bringing his arm up around your shoulders and pulling you closer to lean against him. "i will always be willing to listen, if you need to talk."

"thanks, nik," you give him a warm smile, and lean your head against his chest. "i appreciate it."

"of course, милая."

✹✹✹

"if this deal goes through, there's no telling what kind of damage they'll do, how many innocent people will be hurt." farah has a serious glint in her eyes as she speaks, her hands planted firmly on the table where she stands at the head of it. you nod your agreement, sliding the map you'd drawn out closer to her.

"according my intel, our target – kattan – will be meeting with a potential buyer here tonight." you scan the various documents laid out in front of you, brows furrowed. photos, e-mails, files, logistics, all of which you'd collected on the op you'd gotten back from only yesterday, all amounting to the meeting happening tonight. it had taken a lot to get this intel, but despite how much you'd gathered it still felt like you were in the dark and it frustrated you endlessly.

as your gaze travels between the three others, you find yourself lingering on nikolai standing opposite you. the conversation dims to background noise in your mind as you study him, aviators perched on his nose, his black hair pushed back out of his face, his–

"so what's the plan, 0-9? roll in and take 'em out, quick and quiet?" alex asks, crossing his arms over his chest. you blink, feeling your heartbeat increase as you break your gaze away from nik. alex raises his brow, subtly, and you know he'd caught you staring.

"no, these guys are cautious, we have to secure the shipment first, or they might bolt." you reply, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. "i have an idea, but you're not going to like it."

all eyes turn to you, and suddenly you're sure this is a bad idea, but you refuse to back down; this is too important.

"tell us," farah urges you, her eyes shining with something hopeful. you swallow thickly in the pause before you continue.

"the buyer is anonymous. kattan only knows their name, not what they look like, or their voice," your eyes dart between farah, alex, and nik, keeping your voice steady as you gauge their reactions.

"you're not..." alex doesn't finish the suggestion, already giving you a firmly disapproving stare.

"i'm going undercover as the buyer. it's the only way." it's a statement, you leave them no room to argue with your decision; but, as expected, the others aren't pleased with the idea.

"no, absolutely not–"

"like hell you are–"

"ерунда–"

the room devolves into shouting and various protests, but you only shake your head at their arguments. no words from them could change your mind, despite your own reservations about how dangerous this could be.

"sergeant, with all due respect, i cannot allow you to go through with this." farah stands up straight, meeting your eyes with a defiant look not dissimilar to your own.

"this is too dangerous, милая, there must be another way." nik's expression is partially hidden by his sunglasses, but the sharp downturn of his lips told you he wasn't going to let this go either.

"what else can we do? we have no idea where the shipment is, and we don't have time to find it ourselves." you respond, an exasperated tone in your voice as you gesture to the intel laid out on the table. "with all due respect, commander, this is our best option, whether you like it or not."

"we know nothing about these people, how they operate – this mission is not worth your life." farah crosses her arms over her chest.

"and what about the lives that'll be lost if i don't do this?" you argue, throwing your hands out to emphasise your words and the deep frown on your features, "we don't need to know everything, we just need to know enough. and everything we've got here? that's more than enough. i can do this, commander."

farah curses under her breath, turning away from you with a conflicted look on her face. the tension in the room is palpable as you await her decision, the silence between you nearly suffocating.

after a minute of contemplation, farah finally turns back toward you. "are you certain about this, nines?" she asks, fixing you with an intense stare.

"positive." you reply, a similar determined look on your own features. she nods, and looks across the files covering the table.

"then like you said, it's our best option." she picks up your map, "alex, you will go with them. park close by, stay in the car and provide backup if needed."

"commander, i insist that you let me go with them." nikolai speaks up, stepping around the table to be next to farah.

"no, captain. we need you here," she spares him a glance and shakes her head, handing the map to alex. his frown deepens, and despite having no intentions of backing out, you can't help but feel a little bad.

"but–" he begins to argue, but farah simply shakes her head again as she brushes past him on her way out of the room.

"don't worry nik, i know what i'm doing, and so does nines." alex follows behind the commander, giving nikolai a reassuring smile and a pat on the back as he passes by.

he doesn't look convinced, however, clenching his fists at his sides with the same conflicted expression still lingering on his face as he watches them go. with a light sigh, you come around to stand in front of him, reaching out and placing your hand on his upper arm. he looks back to you, removing his sunglasses and hooking them on his collar.

"we'll be fine." you let your hand trail down, closing around his fist and giving him a gentle squeeze. nik's expression softens, his hand unfurling and gripping your own.

"between you and me, it's not alex i'm worried about," the lopsided smile he gives you is sweet, but you can still sense the apprehension behind it.

"you don't think i can do this?" your question is intended to be teasing, but the way he reacts says that it went over his head. his eyes widen, and he gapes for a second before he responds.

"нет, of course i do," he takes your other hand in his, bringing them up to his face and pressing his lips softly to your knuckles, "i cannot help but worry for you, моя дорогая."

the familiar feeling of your heart skipping a beat disrupts your train of thought, your mind focusing solely on the feeling of him on your hands.

"i'm– you're– i'll be fine, nik." you stutter, cheeks burning as you refocus yourself. you were convincing yourself almost as much as him; even though it was your own idea, and you were more than used to being in deadly situations, you were still on edge.

"i have no doubt, милая." he smiles, genuinely this time, and your chest blossoms with warmth at the sight. "come back to me, alright?"

you allow nik to bring you into a hug, his arms curling around your waist as yours do the same. with your face hidden against his broad chest, you're glad he can't see the anxiety written into your expression.

"i will." you whisper, feeling his arms tighten around you. it's an empty promise; this mission is volatile, and you know there's never a guarantee that you'll make it back, but perhaps having something – someone – to come home to will give you the strength you need to get through this.

✹✹✹

the drive there is uncomfortably silent. the fifteen minutes it takes to arrive at the location feel more like hours, neither you or alex saying a single word as he drives through the deserted streets. if you were on edge before, now you were hanging by a thread. you leg bounces with pent up anxiety, an attempt to try and calm yourself down as you gaze out the window into the darkness of the night.

at last, alex pulls slowly into an alley a block or so from the meeting point, and looks over to you as he cuts the engine.

"you remember the plan?" he asks, brows raised and eyes serious. you shoot him a look as you adjust your earpiece.

"keller, we've been over this." you huff; and you have, more times than you could keep track of – you could probably say them in your sleep by now.

"just–" he stops himself, the tension of the situation clearly getting to him as much as it was you, "humour me."

"i get them talking, convince them to show me the guns, then you come swooping in and we take them down together. happy now?"

"i am," a small smile tugs at his lips, "be careful, nines."

"relax, i got this." you smile back before looking back out at the street in front of you. only a moment passes before you see a figure passing by, slow and on high alert. "that's our buyer."

although you didn't know what he looked like, there was no mistaking his nervous, almost paranoid, demeanour along with the hood low over his face. you and Alex share a look as you quietly exit the car and make your way towards him. having noticed the two of you, he was frozen in place, his eyes wide and face covered in tattoos that indicated some sort of gang affiliation.

before he gains the sense to run, you lurch forward and grab his arm, twisting it behind his back as alex covers his nose and mouth with a rag doused in chloroform. after a moment of struggling, his head slumps forward and his body falls limp in your hold. you and alex grab him by his arms, dragging his dead weight over to the car and piling him into the back seat.

with a nod of affirmation to alex as he secures zip-ties around the man's wrists, you cover your face with a black surgical mask and begin you walk to the meeting point. you lift the hood of your sweatshirt and shove your hands into your pockets as you shuffle along the road.

you round the corner, head on a swivel looking for any sign of danger just like you'd seen the real buyer do minutes before. all you can do is pray that your target doesn't see through the act. through the darkness, your eyes lock onto two people hovering next to a dark van, and there is no doubt in your mind that they're who you're here to meet.

it's only when your a few feet away from them that you can finally make out their faces – you recognise kattan, standing slightly ahead of his comrade, but what you don't expect is the spark of recognition when your eyes land on the second man. a chill runs down your spine as his face comes into view.

baranov; the head of a smuggling ring, and someone you're acutely aware is supposed to be dead.

you hiss a curse under your breath. he won't recognise you, will he? you're certain you've never shown your face to him, but people like him always have their ways, don't they? you stop a little further from them than necessary, just to be on the safe side.

“you’re late.” kattan growls, his eyes dark as he assesses you.

you click your tongue, “would you prefer i be followed?” you keep your voice low, gaze darting between the two of them and your surroundings. baranov stays silent, regarding you with a look so sharp it could kill. the uncertainty of whether or not he recognises you makes your ‘paranoid buyer’ act feel all too real.

“you have the money?” kattan asks. he takes a small step toward you.

“not so fast,” you hiss, taking a step back to keep the distance between you, “i need to see the product first.”

baranov and kattan share a look, communicating something without words, before turning back to you with their icy glares. after an incredibly tense pause, kattan backs up towards their van, his eyes never once leaving your form. he grabs the handle of the side door and slides it open, gesturing to the inside with his other arm.

“get in.” his tone is blunt, irritated. it takes you a moment to understand what he means, but you feel your mouth run dry when you realise.

“what?” you utter, your voice noticeably weaker than before. despite your best efforts to conceal your fear, it feels as though they see right through you.

“nines? what’s going on?” alex questions, his concern evident. you don't answer him, uncomfortably aware of the two sets of eyes burning holes through your head.

kattan gives a sharp sigh. “the guns are with our guys. you want to see the product? get in.”

“i’m not going anywhere with you.” you seethe, furrowing your brow in a glare to match his own.

“...0-9?”

he clicks his tongue, sharing another look with baranov before turning back to you. “then, you’re not serious.”

“no, i am.” you take a step forward, holding your arm out when he begins to slide the van door shut. “...fine, i’ll go – but if you try anything, i’ll make you regret it.”

“no, no– hey! you don’t go anywhere with them, okay? screw the mission, get back here, now!” alex is frantic now, trying to get through to you, but all you can think about is baranov; how he should be dead, and now you know he's not, you need to make sure he is by the end of the night. “farah will understand, this isn’t a failure. just call it off, nines.”

"then stop wasting my time." kattan spits, climbing into the back of the van as baranov watches you with that same ice cold glare.

"i have to do this, alex." you whisper, careful to make sure the other two don't hear.

"no! do not get in that van, nines, if you go with them, i can't follow, it's too risky!" this might be the most panicked you've ever seen – or rather heard – alex, but you already knew what you needed to do. you'd known since you first learned about this meeting those days ago.

with a steadying, almost inaudible sigh, you climb into the van after kattan. the cold dread that settles in your stomach as the door slides shut threatens to crack your stoic exterior, but for the sake of the mission you hold yourself together.

alex is still talking in your ear, but his words fade into static as baranov drives the van further away from where he's stationed. this place was a ghost town at night, not a single other person on the streets until the sun lights the sky; meaning any attempt to follow by alex would be incredibly risky. you just had to hope that the others would be able to track you, and you hadn't just doomed yourself by going with kattan.

forgive me nikolai, i will come back to you.

#nikolai x reader #nikolai cod x reader #nikolai call of duty #nikolai cod #call of duty #cod mw19 #mw2 x reader #cod x reader #141 x reader #cod nikolai #nikolai mw19 #nikolai my beloved #roosterr writes

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ssirenah · 7 months

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Seraa! 😭 I'm just so fucking tired, exhausted and so done with everything it's like I just wanna die and that's it :)

Actually I've Just completed my exams and today my maths teacher came to me and scolded me so hard in front of the whole class ( I feel like dying tbh ) and they took me to the principal room for not performing well in my maths exam ;( I hate maths , I always scores almost full marks in every subject but... math , sucks . I don't want them to call my parents or give them a chance to insult me in front of the whole class again

So, how do I fucking go abt that?? 😭I want to get full marks in my maths exam and show that teacher who scolded me that they was freakingg wrong and what they did was not good ..u tried to shut the ego and just be self bc this is what I am but I failed , I FAILED 😭 the ego kept coming with the worst case scenario ever possible but still I just imagined getting full marks and moved on but still nothing happened , I was thinking that I've successfully manifested full marks till my teacher scolded me ,then I knew that I failed I didn't work out

I genuinely need your help

😭~

CW: mentions of d**th (in the ask)

Oh my gosh ma lumière..😭 I'm so sorry to hear this experience! It really does suck being put on the spot like that... </3

Fortunately, I am here to help you, so don't worry! Please don't give up on yourself and your reality! <3

So first, I want to tell you this: I will explain to you in terms of nondualism, not manifesting. It seems like you are interested in nondualism but are mixing terms. Okay?

Here it goes:

Do NOT fight against your ego. Don't try and get away from it or tell it ANYTHING. Yup. Let it be. Why? Because it's not real. Not one bit. It's an illusion, it's the false self. Your true Self, "I AM," does not "DO" anything. It just IS. It just EXISTS, and "I AM" is the awareness of existence. You cannot be aware of the fact that you are already aware of your existence, aka, you cannot be any more aware of "I AM" than you already are because "I AM" is your true Self. All of these circumstances, as a result, are not real either. The ego thinks in separation and duality, but there is no duality between you and every thing that exists, because you ARE every thing that exists. Nothing can exist outside of "I AM."

So what does this mean in relation to your ask? It means, you ARE the full marks, you ARE proving this teacher wrong. It will not happen in the future because there is no such thing as time either. It IS because "I AM." There is a distinction between ego and Self, even though there is no separation between them. Remember, when you say "I," you are referring to Self. So even when you're identifying with the ego, you are STILL "I AM."

Please read this post from me and this post by vesora.I think it will help you start to re-realize your true Self. And the truth is, you are always "I AM," so there is no realization to do! :D

In short, there is nothing to do or get or achieve, because you are all there is and there is nothing outside of you!

I really hope this helps! I wish all the best on your journey and I hope you are okay! ❤️

You cannot fail!

#sseras mailbox #consciousness #non dualism #non duality #nondualism #nonduality #awareness #ask #😭

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atomicwinnerdreamland · 5 months

Note

do you have any headcanons on texahoma or NY/NJ/CA? (or opinions on them?)

also here's two headcanons of my own: Oklahoma sometimes lets Texas brush his hair since he knows how much Texas loves it. Texas likes to run his hands through it, play with it, and style it when Oklahoma lets him. His hands are pretty roughed up (scars, burns, etc) from wars/Mexico/farm work so Oklahoma's soft hair feels nice on his rough hands. New York, California, and New Jersey go skateboarding together a lot. New Jersey and California saw New York eyeing a rat stuffed animal at a store and instead of being smart and just paying for it, they stole it for him. New York yelled at them for being stupid (he treasures it and keeps it next to his bed)

Hii! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to answer this, life just hit me with everything these past few days and I just saw your ask. I hope you know that I appreciate you and your request so much & I'll answer it the best way I can :D

Texahoma

OPINION: I love this ship so much! I love how they have an enemies dynamic that has the potential to turn into a love story (some enemy dynamics can be toxic to the point a potential romance is out the window, but that's not the case here). To me, they have a married couple vibe where they bicker over the smallest stuff but wouldn't hesitate to comfort each other when needed. "Must be exhausting thinkin' about me all day, huh?" is a banger line, and it defines their romantic tension to me. They're so awesome :D

(also I reside in Texas, and I can confirm that many of my Texan fellas dislike Oklahoma bc there's nothing much to do there as opposed to Texas & Oklahomans hate Texans bc they think Texans are mean, but honestly I wouldn't call it full hate. Just a rivalry)

YOUR HEADCANON: I love your hc for them! Oklahoma definitely has soft long hair that he maintains in the best way he can (even if the hair products can be expensive) and Texas definitely knows how to treat hair :D That's such a sweet hc and definitely one of my favorites I've heard.

-Texas has taken Oklahoma to an HEB before and has raced with him to get every single item on their grocery list. Texas knew that Okie would lose bc Texas knows this HEB like the back of his hand, but to his own surprise, he let himself walk through the aisles slower than he usually does so he could see Okie be proud of himself when he gets all the items first. It worked. Okie bragged like there was no tomorrow but Texas wouldn't dare change the happiness Okie felt.

-They go to HEB every weekend. They don't even shop there sometimes, they just roam around the store and somehow entertain each other as they do so. "Remember that time you tried to microwave this cake mix?" "I did that so I could poison you, idiot." "Mhmm.."

-Oklahoma and Texas go tornado watching in Okie's state. They're not scared though since Okie's used to it and Texas practically goes hurricane watching with Loui and Florida. One time they blacked out from hitting their head in their shaky car when it caught into the tornado, and Texas was the one who managed to wake up first and get them home safe.

-Texas cooks for Oklahoma & Oklahoma chooses the outfits that Texas wears. Big dude can't dress himself in something other than a button-up, old jeans, and cowboy boots, so Okie changes it up. Okie also validates Texas when Texas wants to wear something that's considered more feminine (dresses, skirts, crop tops, etc).

-Oklahoma humbles Texas. Big dude is super prideful and can sometimes forget to be humble, so Oklahoma never hesitates to humble him. Kind of like how Washington called Texas out ("Texas, you're killing jobs!" from Table News: Ida goes North, Texas goes Backward)

-Oklahoma and Texas both have scars, and occasionally, they caress each others' scars to tell each other that they'll love their scars just as much as they love every other part of each other. <3

-Louisiana and Arkansas have been their go-to when it comes to Okie & Texas' at-home dates. Louisiana cooks the food for the dinner and Arkansas sets the mood up with decorations and music.

-Loui and Pirate Kansas have also been one of the main reasons the 2 got together in the first place. Loui and Texas are best friends & Okie and Arkansas get along somewhat, and once Loui and Arkansas found out their best friends like each other, they got to planning. Florida has also joined in, and while neither Texas or Oklahoma wanna admit it, Flo's goofy wingmaning is another reason they got together.

-They had a heavy, angsty confession over in Texarkana (a city that's in TX, OK, and AR) that led to crying and a short trip to Buc-ees to feel better :D

-[this one is kind of suggestive] Before they got together (a.k.a when they were still rivals), Oklahoma dragged Texas out of Texas' little hut in the countryside and took him to see his state, saying, "Who said there's nothing to do here?" and Texas lowkey thought, I'd do you here if only you'd let me. Texas left Oklahoma still thinking that the state is far inferior than his though. Of course, Texas couldn't get the dirty remark out of his head, and that's when he realized that shoot, he likes Oklahoma.

-They like to listen to country music and ballads together and even sing on occasion. Since Texas knows so many languages, he knows ballads from all around the world and sings them to Oklahoma to put him to sleep (preferrably Spanish & Filipino love songs). Oklahoma also puts Texas to sleep except with folk songs or old stories.

California/New York/New Jersey

OPINION: Honestly, I'm not sure if I love it or if I'm neutral about it, but I know I don't hate it. I usually ship CaliYork or California/New Jersey separately and never really thought about putting the three into a poly relationship, but I've seen your take on the three and it's actually growing on me. My fav's still CaliYork, but I like these three goofballs together too. I need to read more stories on them though 😅

YOUR HEADCANON: Oh they definitely skateboard a lot together and are competitive when doing so. I betcha their clumsy selves have gotten injured before too :3 And the stuffed animal theft is beautiful, they'd do anything to see their bf York happy. Aww :3 (you have such a creative mind omg)

I don't have many headcanons on them, but here are a few that I have:

-They all ride motorcycles together. Sometimes New Jersey's the one that drives and Cal & York ride with him, and other times they each have their own bike and race each other in whatever road they please (they all agree that I-4 is a no)

-Jersey and York cook for California to make sure he is well-fed. They've tried to teach Cal how to cook, but they've all decided that it's better that he doesn't 😅

-They're all fashionable goofballs and have been mistaken as models once when they were walking through the streets of Hollywood. New York's fashion is either business-casual or punk, New Jersey's usually in shorts and a casual tee but the accessories make it stand out, and Cal changes his style a lot but usually is in a crop top w/ shorts or a designer fit. Despite all of them having different fashion tastes, they like to match outfits.

-They maintain a garden filled with their state flowers. When they all got together, New Jersey showed the other two his personal garden filled with violets and sunflowers (in courtesy of Kansas, whom I think Jersey likes to talk to sometimes), but as their relationship progressed, it slowly turned into a garden of violets, California poppies, and red roses.

-They all like to go to beaches in California to de-stress. Sometimes they go there at 3am just to avoid crowds and hear the waves, other times they go at noon to feel the sun as they swim in the waters. They always go home with a smile on their faces.

-They've driven in each of their states to see which state is the worst to drive in. California has traffic, New York's kinda disorganized, and Jersey has roads where you're doomed if you take a wrong exit. All of these roads trips have ended in arguments, but nothing violent because they all learned to communicate w/o violence.

That's all I have for now 😅 Thank you sm again for your ask, and happy new year to you!

#wttt #welcome to the table #wttsh #welcome to the statehouse #ben brainard #wttt texas #wttt oklahoma #wttt california #wttt new york #wttt new jersey

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cathyun · 1 year

Note

Can I request an angsty Beomgyu x female reader scenario where y/n tries breaking up with him bc she doesn’t feel like she’s good enough for him and doesn’t want to hold him back from his career but Beomgyu refuses to let her go?

hold me tight

note: AHHH TYSM FOR THIS WONDERFUL REQUEST !!! i don't think this is as good as my previous works but i hope u enjoy reading as much as i enjoyed writing it !! pairing: choi beomgyu x reader genre: established relationship, angst, comfort wc: 1.5k warnings: doubts, low self-esteem, lots of overthinking, mentions of break-up, insecurities summary: beomgyu is forced to pick between you and his dreams, was it selfish of him to want both things at once?

Beomgyu is debuting.

He's been training diligently each day, conquering every hard moments. During those moments, you stuck by his side.

Listening to his rants about their new routines, whispering compliments and encouragements when he was feeling less confident about himself. You'd cuddle him in your warm comforting bed when he was tired and drained from practice, his head in your chest as he listened to your heartbeat. When his head were filled with doubts, you were there to remind him of his dreams and why he wanted to achieve it in the first place.

You were there next to Beomgyu, watching and cheering him on every step he took. That's why it was only natural that you're the first person he told about his debut.

The smile he wore was wide and contagious as he knocked to the door of your shared apartment. His heart pounding in anticipation when he heard the familiar sound of your footsteps. As soon as the door opened, your sweet voice greeted him.

"Hey, love. You're home early today, is there anything wrong?" You spoke, concern dripping from your tone. His heart warmed at this, before immediately reminding himself of why he was here in the first place.

Beomgyu greeted you with a hug and a kiss in the cheek, he gently held your hand and ushered you inside. After closing the door, he turned to you, "No, no, everything's alright. More than alright, actually." He replied, voice getting higher due to his excitement.

You noticed this almost immediately and fondly smiled back at him, "Did anything happen?"

He nodded in return, as the two of you sat on the couch of your living room. In an instant, he had his arms around you, sighing in content. "Something happened. Something really big." He lifted his head to see your pretty eyes, only to find out they were already looking at him, filled with tenderness, "It's happening, Y/n. I'm one step closer to achieving my dreams."

It feels like the world stops spinning for a moment. "You mean you're debuting soon?" Your breath hitched, blocking all source of oxygen.

"Yes! I'm debuting soon!" He exclaimed, letting out a huge laugh of relief before rambling, "The company confirmed it earlier. It still feels like I'm dreaming. Maybe I am, but I already pinched myself on the way here so- Y/n...?"

He cut himself off, looking at your face worriedly. You had gone pale, any trace of calmness on your face has now disappeared. This was the exact opposite of what he expected your reaction would be. "Are you okay?"

You nodded, although you looked nowhere near okay. "I'm fine. Just a bit overwhelmed." You nervously laughed it off, he would've left it at that but your tone was different. He could tell you wanted to say more, but couldn't.

And he was right. Inside your mind was a jumbled mess. Thoughts after thoughts appeared on your brain and you couldn't even process anything except for the fact that he was debuting. You should be happy. And you are happy, but a nagging voice from the darkest corner of your brain is telling you how you aren't good enough for him now, how you'll only slow down his process to become a better version of himself.

"Y/n, what's wrong?"

Everything.

"Nothing."

Everything is going wrong. You couldn't think straight.

"You know you can tell me everything, right?"

You took shakily deep breath in.

"I think," You paused, finding the right words, "I think we should stop this."

Beomgyu's ears rang as he felt a pang of sadness wash over him. He sat in shock, hands going slack against your shoulder. "What do you mean?" His heart paced as a thousand of thoughts raced through his mind. Had he done something wrong to make you upset?

You felt your own heart breaking at the sight of him. His eyes flashing a look of grief, confusion, and most of all, sadness. He was asking unspoken questions, but you couldn't bring yourself to answer any of them.

"I just don't think this will work out anymore."

Your bottled up insecurities were winning against your love for Beomgyu. As much as you wanted to stand up for your relationship with him, it seems as if your thoughts were much stronger than you realized.

But Beomgyu does not back down. He was more than willing to fight for this if you are currently incapable of doing so.

"I just- I don't understand? We were... We're happy, right? Did something happen? I'm sorry if I accidentally made you upset, but please. I'm sure there's a way we can fix this?"

The words get caught in your throat and you couldn't speak. As much as you had tried, you just couldn't. Because you know there wasn't anything wrong with him from the beginning, it was because of the way you felt and thought about yourself.

It felt too much to the point you couldn't take it anymore and the tears went straight out of your eyes right away. Beomgyu, always the sweet and attentive partner he is, was quick to hold you in his arms. He could feel you shaking in his hands as your sobs got louder.

"I'm sorry, Gyu." You whispered, voice cracking. He was quick to shush you, pulling away to wipe the tears out of your face.

"It's okay, angel. I'm here. You're okay." He reassured, "Just please talk to me. Don't end things so suddenly when you know we can sort it out."

"I..." You look down, restraining your sobs to let out the words you've been keeping in, "Am I good enough? For you?"

Beomgyu could only look at you with in shock, wondering how that thought could ever cross your mind. "Y/n, angel. You're more than good enough."

"But won't I hold you back from your career?"

"I like performing, Y/n. I like being on stage and being able to sing and dance. But I give it my all because I know you're somewhere in the crowd watching me perform." His eyes were filled with tears threatening to burst out, but he held on, "I wouldn't be here if you weren't by my side."

You sadly smiled, knowing well enough that he was wrong. Even without you, he could still achieve this dream of his without breaking a sweat. He had everything an ideal idol would have, and because of that you felt so small next to him.

You didn't feel good enough to be next to him, because that's Beomgyu. He is simply a big, bright star that would catch the attention of anyone. While you, you're just... simply you. You'd say you're nothing but the darkness that surrounds the star, and Beomgyu would argue that a star wouldn't shine as bright without the dark. He's right.

"Beom, you know how risky it is for an idol to be with someone in secret. If the media finds out, your whole career will-"

"I just want to be with you, Y/n. I want you. I need you." He stuttered, blinking the tears away furiously. "None of it would matter without you."

His voice held so much desperation. He didn't care if he looked stupid, all he wanted was for you to hold on. Because Beomgyu does not know how he would live without you.

He started this dream with you. You were there for him step for step, and he wanted you to be there when he achieved it, too. He was rarely selfish, but he's willing to be selfish for the sake of keeping you.

"Beom..."

"Please just try. I can't let you go." He clings on the small light of hope. Your heart aches.

It's hard, you think, convincing yourself that continuing what you have with him would make him a better person for his chosen career, especially with the way you view yourself. To you, you are nowhere near Beomgyu. But you know he's more than willing to prove those voices in your mind wrong.

"Please..."

With a shaking hand and a mind filled with doubts, you reached out for him. He looked at you teary eyed, before closing the remaining distance between you with desperation.

He clung onto you tightly, afraid that if he let you go, he'd be letting you go forever.

"Promise me you won't let me get in the way of your career."

It's hard not to listen to your thoughts, but you would rather grow and fix yourself together with Beomgyu, than finding an empty bed beside you every morning. Than walking pass each other like strangers without memories of one another. Than feeling grief when you would pass his house or your favorite places to go on dates as the memories overwhelm you.

You know it'll take awhile to fix the doubtful thoughts and insecurities you have, but you're also aware that being with him is something you don't want to be taken away from you. It would be much harder not having him beside you.

With a firm grip on your waist, he whispered the most delicate words of affirmation in your ears, "You're my motivation. You wouldn't get in the way of anything. So please, stay and hold me tight."

#txt x reader #txt x yn #txt x you #txt x y/n #txt reactions #txt imagines #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu x y/n #beomgyu x you #txt #choi beomgyu #— requested 💌#` angsty . . ✯⁠#` comfort . . ✷

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frickinsleepdeprived · 1 year

Note

reader dating the demons + muzan

do it no balls ùwú

I'm only doing the upper three bc I'm exhausted from dog sitting ;w; but I hope you enjoy!

...

Kokushibo:

He's one hell of a possessive boyfriend, as any other demon would be

He never shows his soft side unless you're with him

You supposed it's because you're his sense of calm, he's able to eat normally and sleep easier when you're around

If you were a demon yourself, you'd probably go on his missions with him if he would allow it

If you were a slayer, he'd more than likely just turn you into a demon so that way he could have you all to himself. Sorry, but that's just the way he works (like I said, he's one hell of a possessive demon)

Will absolutely dote on you, no one has ever seen him like that

If you sneak out in the middle of the night to see him, he's always going to be sure to make up for the time you should be spending on getting some sleep

If you ever fell into any danger, he'll be at your side in a heartbeat

Overall if you ever date this dude, cherish him, but be prepared to not be able to do virtually anything else if you're not with him

...

Douma:

Very possessive, but not to the point where he won't let you do anything by yourself

He trusts that you'll do the right thing, even if you were a demon or a slayer he'd still trust that you wouldn't kill him out of your own volition

He dotes on you all the time, making sure you have everything you need regardless of if you can get it yourself or not

I feel like he's definitely the type to be like Tengen in the sense that he will give you nothing but the best. Be it clothes, food, jewels, etc.

Loves to cuddle, especially if it's just you two in the woods

But if he finds out you're in danger he won't be so nice towards the aggressor

Like we're talking ripping off limbs and shattering skulls

But it's nice to know that he's willing to protect you regardless of the cost

You're the moon, he's the sun, that's the dynamic lol

But overall he's genuinely a good guy but just make sure you don't fall under harm, you don't want to see that side of him trust me

...

Akaza:

He's very giddy, you're honestly not so sure how you can stand him half the time lol

But that doesn't mean you love him any less because of that fact

He doesn't gift you anything fancy, but he's definitely a crow

Like he'll find a pretty rock or some flowers and be like "hey this reminded me of you"

LIKE HOW WHOLESOME IS THAT-

Anyways, he will dote on you, but not to the point where you need his constant reassurance

Like mans has slayers and civilians to kill, he needs to know you'll be okay lol

He'll let you go on his missions with him, seeing as how you're so interested

Until you realized just how brutal he can be

Yeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh that really tested your morals, but you chose to stick with him in the long run, knowing that no human can make you feel anything the way he does

But any who, if you choose to date Akaza, be prepared for a life full of fun and laughter. That's what he's good at after all

...

Muzan:

This guy is going to spoil you

And when I say spoil you, it's worse than Tengen with his wives

He's not a big cuddler though, the only time he's really up for it is if he's had a bad day, he's stressed out, or after some uh activities

Either way though, you can't help but fall in love with the guy

He's got a very specific charm to him and a way with his words that you couldn't find in anyone else

And of course that's not to say you don't appreciate his other qualities. Like his smile; while some may find it intimidating, you find it to be rather comforting. Because when it's you, its softer, more meaningful than what any other demon would receive.

He will pick you up and throw you over his shoulder, no I won't elaborate

One hundred percent possessive, this is the king of demons we're talking about here. What's his is his and he won't allow anyone else to have it

But he will make sure that you as a human gets plenty of sunlight, he doesn't need you developing cabin fever

Overall, very caring towards you. Cruel to those who inflict harm on you. Once you're his, there's no turning back

......

Okaaaayyyyyyyyy that's done lol hope you enjoyed! Make sure to let me know what you want to see next!

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #demon slayer headcanons #kny headcanons #kimetsu no yaiba headcanons #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer x y/n #demon slayer x you

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lostfracturess · 19 days

Note

hi nici i'm back

So I stumbled on, each day collapsing into the next. Until the next semester started and I remembered I had an actual job.

lmaoooo wait he kinda relatable for that ngl

GASSPPP SHE'S IN THE CLASS HE'S TEACHIGN omg this is so crazy. w all their history. n it's just back to square one. teacher n student. also i cant believe it's been four weeks sighhh

"Have you ever thought about how I felt when I found you?" she snapped, her voice rising. "How terrified I was when you wouldn't respond? When you couldn't even recognize me? When I thought you'd die on me?" She took a shaky breath. "Fuck Satoru, I held your face in my hands while you were barely breathing!"

YES!! LIKE SRS I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW TERRIFYING THAT WAS. omg this argument scene i canttt i mean reader kinda spittin facts but also idk it's hard for him too :((

"And that," she leaned closer, almost brushing my lips, "is what makes you the most pathetic person I know."

GODD I'M LOVING THIS FUCKING ANGST RN IT'S SO GOOD. THE ANGER IS SO PALPABLE also i just love how consistently in character reader is

But I also wanted nothing more than to fuck that attitude out of her right then and there.

HELPSDKFJSHDKF i must love toxic bc this had me UHHHHHH HAD ME FEELIN LOTS

:(( omg reader saying she's been waiting for it to get easier n how he said it would (once again proposing the song loml by ts for s&c couple) also KSDJFHSDKL suguru always walking in on them damn. send HIM to therapy too LOL

man i am EXHAUSTED for satoru rn. every single day for him is like a living hell jesus. i mean it CANNOT feel good for him to live this way, obv he's an addict but i guess i always err on the side that it's not really addicts faults?? esp when you know what goes on biochemically when it comes to addictions, they are literally almost impossible to fight, and in a lot of cases, canonically for s&c gojo too, addicts didn't WANT to be come miserable n codependent on substances. a lot of times, it's just bad place/time or someone coercing or influencing them to begin. and then they're fucked for life. the fact he's managed to become a self sufficient professor and maintain surgerical prowess while fighting an addiction is incredible, but he neeeeeds to get clean. like, there's nothing more important rn than for him to just. literally put himself in rehab, in therapy, etc. idk. im word vomiting here but i just really hope he gets genuine professional help. ive always found it interesting how doctors are at times the most careless of their own health

DAMNNN he called her a bitch.

oh my godsshhh the hATE SEX. PLS.

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?" I leaned closer, my mouth close to her ear. "You hate who I am, but you crave this, don't you? Giving up control, being at my mercy. Admit it."

sighhhh. yes.

I leaned down over her, my hand snaking into her hair. I grabbed it tightly, forcing her head up to meet mine. "I love you, first-year," I murmured against her ear. She trembled, but her defiance remained strong. "I hate you." I sighed — always so fierce, makes me wonder what it takes to fuck that stubborn attitude out of her. "It's alright, I love you enough for both of us."

HEEELPPP IM DECEASED THIS IS SO SEXY AND SO TOXIC AT THE SAME TIME SFKJHSDKFJS

damn. this chapter was just pure angst. im ngl gojo's brain is an insane thing, and the way you WROTE THISSS NICI???? literal poetry. i cannot believe how you can make me feel sm emotions n im like exhauted rn. emotionally worn out. but in a good way lol idk if this makes sense, but in the sense that it hurts so good?? anyways yet another awesome chapter, thanks sm for your hard work :''')

hello in part two !!

GASSPPP SHE'S IN THE CLASS HE'S TEACHIGN omg this is so crazy. w all their history. n it's just back to square one. teacher n student. also i cant believe it's been four weeks sighhh

they really are back to the beginning, but still everything changed, i loved this idea that they have this kind of seeing each other for the first time again in class as like in the beginning of the story 🫠💔

HELPSDKFJSHDKF i must love toxic bc this had me UHHHHHH HAD ME FEELIN LOTS

lol you're not the only one haha

also KSDJFHSDKL suguru always walking in on them damn. send HIM to therapy too LOL

poor suguru – the man needs a break from walking in on this trainwreck of a relationship. and yeah, a good therapist wouldn't hurt him either 😂😂

& yes ur talk about addiction is spot on. it breaks my heart, too, because that ongoing internal struggle is a huge part of what makes gojo such a compelling character.

his addiction isn't just a simple choice, it's incredibly complex, especially when you factor in his history and the immense pressure he faces every day. and his self-hatred and guilt just fuel the cycle.

and yes gojo desperately needs help, but for him, there's that added layer of fear – the fear of vulnerability, the fear of failure, and the overwhelming belief that he doesn't deserve help. really tragic. shame the author for writing this pewww !!

DAMNNN he called her a bitch.

i found it hilarious ngl 😂😂

ahhh, thank you so so much for always reading, commenting, and sharing your thoughts so generously ellie. it truly means the world to me 😭😭❤️

#inbox

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hel7l7 · 4 months

Note

hey there, been following you for quite a while now and never told you that your art just... hits really hard, right where it should. I'm struggling with bpd as well, and I want to ask you, but I don't even know what would I ask. I just feel so disconnected from everything right now, especially people, and I need someone who understands so I want to think you're the person who understands. anyway. how does it feel? how do you deal with it? is your skin ever comfortable? do you ever know how to talk to other people without thinking and feeling too much? do you know how to talk to yourself and not feel like a stranger? what does feeling feel like? do you think you'll ever be able to love yourself exactly for what you are? do you ever just need to lay down on the ground and tell yourself as much times as it takes for you to believe it that there are moments beyond this one (and this, too, shall pass)?

sorry if this is a bit incoherent and too much... I just need to ask. sending lots of love your way

Dear anon, I hope you still see this even though my reply came a little late. My heart goes out to you. Because I understand your questions, I feel you. I really do. I hope you feel a little less alone in it all knowing that I’m here, rooting for you. If I can make these little steps in the healing process, then so can you. You’ve got this. Stay strong. <3

The whole bpd diagnosis is a wild ride. How do I deal with it? Through art. Through therapy. Through talking with friends. Through trial and error.

I don’t really talk about this very often, but I’m unemployed and unable to work or go to school at the moment. So I deal with it but I'd love to be able to do more… Every time I try to pick something up I often end up finding out it is too much for me and ends me in crisis. (note: all of this is currently more bcs of my ptsd than my bpd) It’s a process of trying and figuring it out. I believe I'll get there, it has been better at times, and it has been worse at times. Currently I’m working a very very low level “job” that I really like. Which is going quite alright so far. It’s only a few hours every week but it is better than nothing. Please note that I’m not happy with this situation, I would love to be able to work or go to school. My country has a pretty well working system in which I’m glad to be able to rely on resources when I’m not well enough to support myself financially.

Is my skin every comfortable? Yes. It never was before. But it has become easier. It really has become easier. I feel everything deeply still. The good and the bad. But it does get easier. I’ve grown more accustomed to my own needs and that really helps. You’re not less worthy or less of a person because you have bpd. Bpd often stems from trauma/childhood/the past. Figuring out where my behavior was coming from helped me find better ways to cope.

Do you ever talk to other people without thinking or feeling too much? No. Lmao. I wish I could give you another answer. And I think this might be different maybe for other people with bpd. ( I mean I’m only one person so it’s not like my answers are The Answers. Everyone has a different experience. )

For me, interpersonal contact is the hardest part. Always has been and maybe it always will be. I’ve become better at not acting on my thoughts and feelings. I’m often just very scared or anxious about things. But tuning out to those thoughts and focusing on other things (distraction) works very well for me when it comes to the anxiety around it.

But there’s much more about this subject I could explore. I think my whole journal-art-chaos-page just comes down to me struggling with connection/people/myself.

How do you know how to talk to yourself and not feel like a stranger? By practice. By endless practice. Tell yourself the things you’d tell a friend. Sometimes when I’m very overwhelmed I try to imagine someone I love or someone I look up to sitting next to me and try to imagine what they would say to me. Or I ask myself what I’d say to a friend in a similar situation. Getting that kind-spoken dialogue going in my head often helps me set an example for how to talk to myself and help myself through this situation.

What does feeling feel like? It’s the best and the worst at the same time. I feel the highest highs and the lowest lows. Maybe this is different for everyone but I’ve always loved it. When I was on antidepressants for a while I got very frustrated because I couldn’t feel the way I was used to. I experience intense love, happiness, awe, every positive feeling you can think of. And much of the time that counteracts the deep lows.

Do you ever think you’ll love yourself exactly as you are? Yes. I’ve come to realize there’s no other way. I can push myself to be someone I’m not but it does never really change who I am. Even then I’ll still be myself, trying to be someone else. Which never actually stops me from being me.

I struggle with this. Sometimes I don’t want to be who I am. This mostly comes down to me not wanting to accept that shitty things happened to me. I don’t want to be that girl. I don’t want to face those things.

But in the end I can do whatever I want but I’ll never be someone other than myself. I can fight myself and keep pushing all my feelings down, I can neglect myself, hurt myself, hate myself, I can do all these negative hateful things towards myself. It will never change me. It will never make me someone else.

So what else is there to do?

I’ve tried neglecting myself. Never made me happier. I can’t do that to myself anymore. I’m who fought for me the hardest. In the end I was the one who was always there. I was the one who tried to survive when I thought I couldn’t.

Loving myself makes my life easier. And it’s a ride. I don’t love myself all of the time. And I still struggle to accept parts of myself that I wish were different. But I mostly wish I was able to give myself more love earlier. I mostly wish I hadn’t had to go through all that pain. I wish I never felt like I had to hurt myself to survive. ( Inner child work did help me with this a bit.)

do you ever just need to lay down on the ground and tell yourself as much times as it takes for you to believe it that there are moments beyond this one (and this, too, shall pass)?

YES. All the time. It is very overwhelming to live in a world so intense while feeling everything so intensely. The good thing is that till now every moment I’ve ever thought I couldn’t go on, I still did. I still could go on. Even when I thought I couldn’t.

The hard moments do pass. In the end everything will always keep changing. The good, the bad. It is all temporary. Which is the only fact we have. But it does get easier to deal with it all.

It really fucking does.

16 year or 18 or 20 year old me wouldn’t believe where I’m at now in this all. There’s much more steps to take, but I’ve also come from very far.

#you all don't know how much love i carry for you #my heart goes out to all of you struggling #let me give you all a hug #don't give up please #anon #ask #bpd #this whole thing could have been so much longer and so much shorter #i'm sorry ;)

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waywardsalt · 7 months

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Hey, thanks for the response on the post where I asked about what people dislike ab totk! I genuinely appreciate it a lot, and you summarized most of my thoughts about this beautifully!

Here's something you might find interesting: something about this game's pacing REALLY bothered me from the start, and I think I know what it is. Totk, despite being an open world game that you can pour a ton of time into, feels short. It's a really weird feeling, and I think it can be explained in that Nintendo is trying to use the linear storytelling format for a nonlinear game, which is also why the ability to see the tears in a random order was disorienting, and why the stories from the ancient sages felt so repetitive.

The gameplay is long, but the story isn't! If you compare it to Skyward Sword, for example! In sksw, you go through each of the areas once, and then again with some changes, and then again with more. There's several clear acts, and even if the game is super super linear and recieves criticism for that, it works really well in that context. Additionally, the characters more than make up for the linearity of the story. Totk tries to take that same format, but doesn't seem to understand that this format is for a linear story. It only has a very brief story, and the story to gameplay ratio is so dragged out that unless you get invested in the world, it all starts to feel really stupid and pointless. Unfortunately, totk fails at getting us invested, too.

I really hope this made ANY sense at all, ty again for the input!! I love the responses I'm getting on that post djbdjsndns :D

Hi, you're welcome for my uh... totk rant, I guess? I covered a lot of stuff in it but I wouldn't say I covered everything bc there is... a lot abt that game that rubs me the wrong way in one way or another.

totk is definitely an odd case, it being an open world game that does try to adhere to linear game rules, you’re right- and i’d say the story is severely kneecapped by that attempt on the game’s part to have its cake and eat it too. it tries to mix what botw brought to the table with what was done in the past, but because botw is vastly different in what it does than past zelda games, the result is a messily paced, poorly-told, gameplay-focused with piss-easy mandatory puzzle segments result, failing to capture the advantages of linear games and instead making those specific parts considerably weaker.

people give linear games shit for… honestly, im not totally sure, as someone who really enjoys linear games. they allow for a good focus on story and character, mostly because you can have a set pace and passing of time and order of events. totk tries to implement linear style elements into a game where you can do anything out of order, so in the end the story is surprisingly brief but slow paced because you have to travel so far for everything and they have to account for you doing everything in any order, hence... repeating the same fucking information as a reward for four of the dungeons (which, i don't care how you feel about this game, is an awful fucking choice i mean holy SHIT), and is probably why the interactions with the new sages include very brief character arcs or something, they wanted to include some kind of linear character stories but it all just got stuffed in between a bunch of mini-main quests.

the fact that effectively half of the main story happens ages in the past and is communicated through brief cutscenes that can easily be encountered out of order, too, is kind of a pitiful way to tell the story. they're all basically glorified exposition dumps since nothing about them will change, they're all events that have already happened and have nothing to do with the player except hyping them up i guess.

the dungeons themselves are awkwardly transposed from a more linear game style with them relying on a specific skill to some degree, but they just fall so flat compared to past linear zelda dungeons. in botw the divine beasts honestly worked because the mechanic of manipulating the beasts themselves and the activating of switches fit perfectly with the setup of the dungeons being huge machines, while there isn't as good of a story example as to why totk's dungeons have the same switch mechanic. botw's divine beasts work pretty well in an open world setting. totk's just fall to pieces in an open with setting, even discounting how ascend could just snap them in half entirely. you just... can't have the same kind of dungeons as past zelda games in an open world format. once you take out the array of specific-use progressively-earned items, you're just left with this tiny little gmod ass toolbox to do what felt like baby's first loz-style dungeon. go to the clearly marked waypoint, do one (1) simple puzzle, get reward.

i miss mini bosses, rooms with puzzles that had to be solved to unlock a door or a doorkey, and even the experience of wandering around just trying to figure out what to do next. honestly, the first half of the lightning temple was the best part of all of the dungeons put together, and then we're back to 'go to four different rooms to do four different easy puzzles'. linear games have genuine advantages over open world games, and open world games have their own advantages. in the story segments, totk just ignores the advantages inherent to it's game's basic style in favor of trying and failing to emulate the advantages of a very different game style.

totk is so paradoxically unable to tear itself away from the series' past while at the same time disregarding series staples and even big parts of its own goddamn prequel.

in my experience with the game, as far as i can remember, i believe i went around and opened all of the towers, did some shrines and the depths, got the master sword, did the main quests with some side quests, then sped through getting all of the memories in order, then did the final boss. in between all of that, i managed to get all of the armor, do every single shrine, and open the entirety of the depths. i did not give a single damn about the story by the end. for me, with my playstyle, everything was just... spread out over such a long period of time so there was barely any urgency at all, i experienced the memories all in quick succession while already knowing the big twist (which. btw. i didnt care about. i wasnt really endeared to zelda and link's lack of visual interest during cutscenes just brought up the question of if he doesnt care why should i), and since this game's story is more linear, it just felt so disjointed and strange and... not important.

with botw it makes pretty good sense why link may take ages, why you could get the memories however you want, all of that. zelda is keeping things with ganon on pause for you. all of the big stuff happened in the past. you are here in the present, in the ruins of the past, a blank slate come to eventually complete the mission that you had failed, at the same time discovering this new world and becoming re-acquainted to it with this strange second chance you've been given. totk doesn't have this excuse. at least in past zelda games, you did things in a specific order, so when you wanted to fuck around, it was usually something related to or based on your progress. if you want to fuck around in oot what you can do is based on where you are in the game and even then it all ends up wrapping back around to bolstering link for the end. getting hearts, better items... like every side quest in every other loz game did. in totk you can do a sidequest for like. one flower. and what does that even do for you. it doesn't have the excuse of the honestly pretty well crafted setup and world state of botw.

i really don't know what happened during the development of totk, and i can't imagine it was the smoothest thing in the world, esp considering the pandemic hitting in the middle of it. but just... it just feels like it failed in so many regards and was just... so disappointing, and yet people are heralding it as the best zelda game and- this is not what i want a zelda game to be! i want a zelda game to have those wonderful puzzle-filled dungeons with well-written main characters and music that fits the setting and feels supported by the game's events and a unique setting with unique little nooks and crannies and good pacing and act structure and like. some kind of heart to it. not just another big open-world game created to be the big open world game where you can do this one amazing specific cool thing that TOTALLY is worth the $70 or whatever else it may be priced around the world.

idk. to me what makes zelda games zelda games is the linear storytelling and those complex dungeons and specific method of progression, and botw's new open-world emulation of the sense that loz 1 gave does not and probably will not ever be able to mix with that linear style unless you have massive in game game style shifts to allow for it. either return to the old format or just commit to the series becoming Triple A Open World Game Series Number 34

#asks #salty talks #bitching abt totk #wind-awoken #ty for the ask i love tearing into this game bc its at least helped me understand some stuff abt game design and what kinds of games i like #and why. too bad this game is rancid imo #dude i fucking love skyward sword. the linearity lends itself to a sense of progression and time passing and just. ugh. its so good #totk critical #totk neg #totk salt #covering my bases :)#i just. yeah gamedev is hard but if this is the mess we got after 6 YEARS what the fuck happened??? what was scrapped????#they had SIX FUCKING YEARS and having the ancient sages regurgitate the same info 4 times made it to the final release #what in the fuck happened in there #i dont really like the idea of there being a permanent move to open world bc its clearly just following the crowd on this one #its just such a massive departure from all other loz games (including loz 1 tbh) that that has to be part of it i feel. it makes sense #botw + totk dont feel unique like the other loz games do. they just. feel really similar to shit like elden ring and fenyx bc like.#thats just how open world action adventure games are ig. ironically theres not a ton of wiggle room with the open world formula #cant really get away from what makes them all feel interchangeable bc its so core to what an open world game is #best you can do is add some standout aspect like the general. Being A Souls Game in elden ring #totk adding dumbass glue doesnt even feel unique bc like. its just what every other sandbox game lets you do with some added jank #progression feels meaningless when it has no impact on what you can do in the game and thats the only kinda progression in totk #get more health make armor numbers bigger make better food fuse better weapons. you cant even upgrade the abilities this time #yeah botw has similar pitfalls but it at least owns being an open world game. it utilized and embraced the format #idk. totk before release was increasingly overwhelming to me and post release it was just such a massive letdown #i remember trying in earnest to pull a wagon using a horse and just. having the worst time. ultrahand sucks unless you make death machines #or one of like five specific traversal things

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