#if there is one thing you know about me its that im like deathly afraid of all bugs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

transgods · 1 day

Note

91, 90, 67, 64, 61, 48, 38, 25, 23, 11, 10

10. any unusual fears?

i don't have that many fears at awl in general i think but i get so anxious i can't sleep if i have to share a bed w someone i don't like trust aha also i used to be deathly afraid of stingrays as a kid like to the point where vaguely stingray shaped things like. the pool cleaners used to scare me. like id swim in a pool and if i saw this thing

under me i would literally just exit the pool and refuse to get back in until it was removed. idk if im still scared of rays now tho

11. favorite myth?

collapses to my KNEES.... if no one got me the epic of gilgamesh got me. its The story. to me

23. what's popular with the people around you that you can't seem to get behind?

irl its kpop... all my friends r into kpop but i am just not rockin with any of the songs ive heard so far but im honestly ok with this. the ticket prices...... i will stay listening to my established range ty DGFGHJHJK and hmmmmmm i think online it'd be like. dnd or in an extension of that bg3 like im sorry but i just. maybe its not for me

25. do you collect anything?

YES the uhh nano/petit/mini bricks/blocks theyre basically mini legos and way cheaper than lego. ive gotten pretty much every aquatic animal from petit bricks theyre sitting on my shelf i love them :') extremely good activity to do when my hands get twitchy

38. what is your love language?

its definitely physical affection i am thee cuddly bitch of all time. second is words of affirmation tho. why are u asking me this u gay or smth?

48. you get to give a one-sentence note to yourself from a decade ago. what does it say?

kill yourself NOW! im kidding but idkkkkkkkk it might be surprise that i made it another decade or smth. not sure. past me is a bit of a mystery

61. do you believe in/follow any superstitions?

AWAAHHH off the top of my head im blanking bad but i dont eat bananas on lunar new years. or when theres like an exam. neither does the rest of my family. idk why

64. what's the best thing you can cook?

oh wow i love thematic continuation. its banana bread LMFAOO it might just be my favourite thing i can cook though

67. what's your favorite obscure piece of media?

HM i do not consider this obscure but ive literally never met someone else whos into this but the graphic novel/comic series called saga..... literally excellent idk

90. weirdest habit?

hmmmm i don't know whether this counts as a habit but i paint my nails just to pick off the polish otherwise i would probably ruin them altogether. hands need enrichment

91. what's a common misconception people have about you?

at this point i dont even know anymore i got too much stuff im juggling to work out exactly who is perceiving what.. i do think ppl think im smarter than i actually am tho eek

#ask #lucidicer #kisses u on the cheek

4 notes · View notes

minilpark · 2 years

Note

rooster with a s/o who is deathly afraid of heights

i think this is hilarious because i myself am terrified of heights and in love with roost too so i hope you enjoy

honestly so ironic that you two are dating

you just came to visit home for the summer and by pure luck was able to land a job at the hard deck

your boss, penny, just needed some extra help because she knew how busy it would get during the summer months

she was extremely kind and caring, almost like a second mother to you

she passed down a bunch of nice tips and tricks to maximise tips for yourself and get a hang of the bartender life

one thing she did warn you about though was the navymen who frequent the place

the way she gave advice on how to steer clear of them showed she had some kinda personal connection, but you decided not to press about it

tonight was busier than usual, apparently because some hot shot aviators got recalled back to top gun

but its not your concern, you were there do make drinks and get paid

that is, until one tall blonde approached you at the bar

"hey there darlin, can i get a round of beers for me and my buddies over there?"

while you were preparing the drinks, the man continues to talk-

"last time i was here, i don't remember seeing someone as beautiful as you, mind telling me your name?"

you decide to humour him since he isnt doing any harm...yet

"it's y/n, here's your drinks"

while youre handing them off to him, he smoothly takes your hand and kisses your knuckles

"pleased to meet you y/n, names jake, but you can call me hangman" he says with a wink

you simply raise an eyebrow and before you say anything else, a shorter brown haired woman hollers back

"hangman leave the nice woman alone and bring the drinks over-"

he rolls his eyes slightly and "that's my cue, but feel free to join us later if you want"

and youre back to it

until, someone bursts into the bar with aviators and a hawaiian shirt on

you notice that same group of friends hangman is with calls him over and knocks him for being late, apparently his last name is bradshaw

and from then on it seemed like he had you around his finger and he didn't even know your name yet-

eventually you two are introduced and it doesnt take long for you two to get together

always the fast pace relationships with military men

and so you two found yourselves dating and still discovering new things about each other

call it the honeymoon era if you will

on one of his off days rooster found himself chilling on your couch watching whatever was on tv with your legs sprawled over his

"i've got a random question for you roost-"

he just chuckles because when you go on these question sessions you ask the most random stuff

"alright, shoot babe"

"were you ever afraid of heights? like, how did it feel when you first went up in the plane? what made you know you were meant for flying?"

again, he finds it amusing that one random question turned into three but he answers them all anyways

"i don't think i ever had a fear of heights, i was always so fascinated by being up in the sky simply because my dad told so many cool stories about him and mav up there. concerning how it felt on my first flight, it was like my stomach and my heart were falling out of my body but like,, in a good way if that makes sense- like i had been preparing all my life to be in a jet up there and now that it was finally happening, i was in shock. to me, it feels so liberating up there and it gives me a way to feel closer to my dad-"

while he's busy answering your questions you just lean close and nod intently, fascinated by the answers he's given and appreciating the fact he chose to share so much about himself

"for your last question, i guess i kinda answered it but i like to think it runs in the family. the way i feel so connected to my dad along with the rush i feel when im up there is indescribable. being able to see everything down below from the skies is just so cool to me"

and when he's done answering you just come into focus and he smiles knowing you were listening so intently

before you speak up again he just presses a couple kisses to your cheek and forehead and you laugh at the ticklish feeling of his mustache

"okay wow, thank you for the answers- i just wanted to know how it feels from your perspective,, i mean, i just think it's crazy you're able to do all of that without feeling like shitting your pants the entire time-"

at this point rooster just lets out a good laugh but you continue

"i mean, with me at least- i am deathly afraid of heights-"

and this is where he cuts you off

"wait wait wait,,, you're afraid of heights??"

the laughter on his end continues and you just punch his arm a lil

"yES DON'T CLOWN ME BRADLEY-"

"alright alright i just think that's fucking hilarious that you're dating me of all people- it's a shame though i can't ever take you for a joyride"

and you roll your eyes and smile a bit at him wanting to take you for one

"yeah no flying for me lieutenant, im grounded"

he just hugs you close to him and places some more kisses to your face

"alright noted, babe-"

#i love this dynamic #afraid of heights and the high flyer aaaa #top gun maverick #topgun #topgun maverick imagines #bradley rooster bradshaw #topgun asks #topgun maverick asks #topgun hc requests #topgun maverick hc requests #ask answered

133 notes · View notes

postofficeofficial · 1 year

Text

well jenkins won my poll from a while ago so i guess its my time to talk about jenkins. lemme kinda go back to the beginning about it.

So, Season 12 is when i started being a blaseball fan. I officially on the site roll up to the canada moist talkers on the election sunday that the big siesta starts so im out here like what the fuck is going on while my pal corvoda is a decent bit more interested than i am at that point but i digress.

I miss the coffee cup and related events and i finally start showing my face in the discord, i think i got started on jenkins because i had stumbled across some of the blaseball rp twitters and wanted to join in, so i picked a blaseball player who didn't have a twitter at the time which was jesús and jenkins and i picked jenkins.

there is a message specifically telling me that jenkins doesnt get much love compared to other players on the team and lemme tell you, i took that PERSONALLY.

the first couple things i learned about jenkins was assorted stuff from their wiki. Flaming eye, gamer, and from greer's wiki i think i learned that jenkins and greer were.... something. relationship something.

after a while, i took a crack at making a jenkins interp that combined two other interps i had seen, big lizardy jenkins and mostly humanoid jenkins and ended up with salamander jenkins, eventually switching over to leopard gecko jenkins.

the thing that both entertained me and made me sad is that nothing ever really happened to jenkins. this player who i loved so much didnt recieve a stat buff till late expansion, despite being active with the same stat total since s4 election. sure they got crows mod but rarely did they play in bird weather just cuz of how weather works.

if i can be salty a little bit, i've always had a weird relationship with greer because of how much we focus on her. i know buff greer was funny and it definitely is super funny dont get me wrong but jenkins was a great pitcher until the stat creep hit. we still has to spend several elections on greer because she was a fan favourite. i feel in my heart that if it had been jenkins in that feedback there probably wouldnt have been as much of a push to get them back and idk that always scared me.

its not that jenkins was truly irredeemably bad at the time but compared to a player like greer? if we had to choose between greer or jenkins in something i know greer is winning and that does weird things to my brain sometimes idk i will digress again

jenkins being an active player vs kennedy trevino tyvi who are (were, in tyvi's case) fuckin dead is a wierd space to be in too. especially now that jenkins is on the tacos in new era i rotate between happiness that the tacos like them and deathly fear that theyre going to misconstrue something about them because jenkins is just so specifically Talkers-fied that you really had to be there for the jenkins conversations to understand jenkins' vibes. Its one of those things that like, jenkins was an s1 talker, they had all this time on the team so you just Got the vibes.

my sad thing about jenkins on the tacos? i feel like i cant talk about them anymore. my jenkins is talkers jenkins and i dont know the tacos and i am afraid. this is not my jenkins good anymore this is a whole other jenkins now and i think.... thats really the thing thats fucking me up about this new era. but at least jenkins is doing okay last i checked.

uhhhh lemme actually say some fun headcanons here... Jenkins has a math related degree in Orb Studies and can determine the exact salt content in food just by licking it. they eventually get a pet gecko named Adkins.

#jenkins good #blaseball #canada moist talkers #im not gonna tag the tacos specifically #being a talkers fan is hard sometimes #word of mouth is so fun until you have to explain it to those uninformed and then its TERRIFYING #for those who understand #i am a system and we have a jenkins fictive #our jenkins fictive cannot function regarding tacos jenkins and it really affects my interpretation of the character #theres nothing i can do to fix any jenkins involved feelings #jenkins is a large part of what kept me going on blaseball #jenkins and the talkers #the new era ruined both of those things for me i think #i didnt mean to make this sad honestly but #its hard to jenkinspost now

7 notes · View notes

axellis-archv-2 · 9 months

Note

🧸🐞🐶 ohse... >:)

YAYYYYY SMILES

🧸 if you could make /anything/ canon in regards to either you, your f/o, or the ship as a whole, what would it be?

ohhh gyadd honestly i know it would defeat the whole deal of charisma house in general but i would like it if they had an arc where she like learns to love herself. i need it . like it doesnt have to happen immediately but maybe something where like her charisma changessss or somethingggg i dont know . like i said i know that defeats the whole Thing about it but like :((( i want her to be happy. i guess one might assume i wish they #girl'd her but honestly i wouldnt bc they wouldnt do it right

🐞 any songs/imagery/motifs/etc. that make you think of your source or its characters? what is #SoThem?

i mentioned this b4 ohse to me is like a whole bunch of small animals. i think ohse songs would probably be like, she so definitely loves industrial metal or something like that. like if she wasnt so deathly afraid of people hearing her alive in her room she would 100% be blaring stuff like Dragula...........Merchant of the Void is what im listening to rn and i think she would like that

🐶 do you and your f/o interact in canon? what are the differences between your relationship here...and there!?

^ wonderful excuse to send this video again um yeah we interact in canon and its the grossest thing in the history of mankind . its like they were trying to kill me. with just how canon is (for the axellis viewers since you already know dondon) they kind of have ohse idolize rikai like sort of as a subordinate sense and um 💀💀💀 in terms of relationship Here and There and whatnot like We Were Dating!!!!!!!!!!!!! though to be honest i dont know if we ever like. knew that. we were kind of always at a weird ground where we would say something super romantic and then kind of glance around like "i mean...as bros right.". maybe if we get locked in a room together and i think im gonna die does anything happen. its a good thing Here Now i can say we are and thats my lovely girlfriend

#📗 my post #🌱 ask game #🌨️ ohse #ily dondon thank yewww #donnie

3 notes · View notes

mellowgoop · 1 year

Text

big spoilers for the entire castlevania super show

So I watched 4-6 (season four must be consumed piece by piece I guess) and like 65% of the series resolved so I have a ton of thoughts...

first and foremost, I think Isaac is one the shows absolute biggest accomplishments! I get the sense that either carmilla losing herself or isaac finding himself was something OG fans did not like about the netflix show, but not knowing their characterizations in anything else, I was pretty happy with both.

in season three (pretty much for every moment since dracula spared him) isaac was the most interesting character to me because I just had NO idea what he was working towards, even though he had the power and the will to get it done like, no questions asked. there were numerous, *numerous* points in season three where I was like youre seriously doing all of this to get revenge on *hector???* the poor sopping napkin meow meow chained up in a puppy kennel right now? it seemed like this kind of. pain projection thing blaming him for the fall of draculas army because of their bond? meanwhile isaac versus carmilla was OBVIOUSLY the more interesting revenge story. I didnt really know if the writers acknowledged that or were just hoping we really did buy him wanting revenge on hector specifically that badly, but now thats one thing that Im preeeeeetty sure they had a plan for. compared to lots of other things. ... more on that later

at the personal level, isaac finding his will to live and "become human" again despite all he's been through is one of the best parts of the series to me. but, as you start to expand it outwards, a lot of other things start to feel a little less good. Like, I haven't seen Lenores final scene yet, but I DOUBT anything is going to change about my thoughts on Hector by the end and that definitely soured. maybe intentionally?? for a while, I felt like he was the most relatable character because he seemed to be the only person with a pure heart left in season three carmillas castle, and was doomed for it. but then one day I was like hey... why did hector join *draculas human eradication campaign*??? wh... why did he do that?? and this last scene definitely threw dirt on this even more like. HUH? you made a last ditch deal with st. fucking germaine to revive dracula for.. pennance?? or no, its because you wanted to throw this at isaac who you were deathly afraid of (rightly) in hopes he would spare you. *maybe???* it just seemed so random. and why did you build a portal to carmillas room of all things?? why do all this for a desperate shot at surviving isaac AND turning him against carmilla? like, it almost holds up as a smart persons self-preservation ploy but its too forward-thinking when its based on a coinflip of isaacs mercy. i think a fucking. teleporter out of the castle would have made more sense, if we are to believe he is a. smart and b. self preserving in a disaster? and as much as i can infer hes afraid of all the god tier people out to get him in this scenario... he ends up thinking of a random way to cut the ring off so .... i think he could have just warped out and ditched the ring and helped lenore leave too.

and thats verrrry granular thinking for character whose motivations werent even clear to me, he definitely went from product of the situation to way too much a product of the situation.

meanwhile. CARMILLA is a fun character jesus christ. In S3, I misunderstood a couple of things and thought I didnt like carmilla and lenore at all. I thought lenore was legitimately so broken she could manipulate someone that deeply on the daily but, thats absolutely not it lol. she was very much earnest and torn up. that concept was significantly more disturbing than the rest of the show to me at first so i was like... swag but what? I didnt like carmilla because I thought we were legitimately meant to emphathize with her or at least get her angle in S3 but... that is very much not the case lol

like isaac, on a character level I really like carmillas downfall because its very clear! yeah no, you lost everything about yourself in the name of revenge and """""ambition,"""" thats clean and it was explained very clearly in her convo with lenore. its a lot like dracula again, and the fracturing of her court seemed like it would be interesting but then that just... didnt really happen? Im not sure why isaacs attack couldnt have waited one more day for these people to squabble? on one hand, I was very afraid for strigana getting bury-your-gays'd and im happy they moved on as a family unit. but like. that DEFINITELY happened too soon, carmilla didnt even know they had their change of heart. and at the least, how did we not get them saving lenore???? i seriously doubt that would change whatever lenore and hectors last scene will be. i buy lenore and strigana moving on from carmilla, thats like their whole point, but i diiiiislike them just assuming lenore is dead. like what?

in the end, it happened a little too quickly and while isaac and carmilla had fitting endings theres a lot of weird in there. It wont keep me from rewatching, but it reminds me of GOT ending things prematurely because uh... life is cruel and things happen. forget about that chara and plot. moving swiftly on!

#castlevania #thoughts #long post

3 notes · View notes

transsexualism-archive · 2 years

Text

strange new worlds episode 1 onions:

i know so far im riding on the nostalgia wave and i'll probably end up liking the show Less than i do now but . . . this is literally all i ever wanted from a trek show

(well ALL i ever wanted also includes jim but they're not giving him to us for a number of reasons)

on the one hand it feels like they're cramming all the characters want to see into one place but ON THE OTHER HAND !!!!

we finally got to see m'benga im so happy

i really like uhura so far she's so nerdy and enthusiastic which is a welcome change. she's younger in the snw timeline and this is a great way to show it, im excited to see her character develop. (and im so happy we're spared from spuhura even if it means s'pring which actually deserves its own paragraph)

T'PRING MY ABSOLUTE BELOVED she's stunning !!!! the hair the jewelry the outfice she's just as elegant and sophisticated as in tos which is so good to see. idk abt her characterisation yet seeing as she had 2 scenes total in this episode but hhhhhh im not sure if this is my favourite spock/t'pring dynamic ever. ik my opinions are heavily clouded by my existing preferences but i just feel the need to give spock a love interest is... unnecessary. is2g kurtzman is deathly afraid of spock being shipped with m*n there's no other explanation. but yeah i feel like the established relationship takes away a lot from the dynamic, but it also gives opportunity for t'pring to have her own personality and inner conflicts outside of her relationship with spock OR stonn

ORTEGAS??? MA'AM?? i am looking very respectfully . . . i'll be very mad if she's just snw's version of tig notaro's character in dis (snarky butch with a high one liner per minute speed) but she's. very handsome. i desperately want to see more of her

idk about chapel yet and she doesn't really feel Like Chapel to me but <3 . very manic pixie dream girl

THERES AN ANDORIAN FINALLY AN ANDORIAN !!!!! they were in the post credits trailer thing so that probably means they're a significant character!!!! at long last. now all we need is a tellarite

i really don't care for pike's c-ptsd or the whole unavoidable future doomed from the beginning etc etc narrative it's just idk. i know partly it's just a nod to the canon and they had to follow through with dis' bullshit plot but :/ for a main character this is weak motivation

(also im sooooo disappointed by the way pike & spock's dynamic is handled by snw so far give me hero worship !!!! give me mentor figure !!!!! speaking of)

spock.... look how they massacred my boy.... i know it's impossible to satisfy tos/aos fans because it's not The Spock, and im completely biased in this regard, but its just a complete 180 from dis!spock who is literally autistic tormented by vision locked up in an asylum FORCED TO GO ON A UNIVERSE SAVING QUEST BECAUSE DESTINY IS UNAVOIDABLE and snw's straightwashed well adjusted spock. once again this is only the first episode and i might be completely wrong about everything but idk idk . ethan peck is a great actor tho and it's nice to see his interpretation of all the little spock mannerisms. his delivery feels as a kind of in-between between tos and aos!spocks in that he is much less emo than aos but also not the fully established tos!spock who is 100% comfortable in his skin. also the moment on the alien planet where he randomly let out an inhuman (sic!) shriek because he was in a lot of pain and then immediately went back to normal?? what was that about :/

also sam !!!!!!! im so desperate to know how the kirks are doing in this timeline !!!!! i have a very clear characterisation of him in my mind that's 99% fanon but im trying to have an open mind abt him. wheres jim.... how is winona doing....

im probably forgetting soooo much of what i wanted to say but yeah so far i have no trust in kurtzman & goldman and where this show is going to go but it IS exciting for me as you can clearly see from this fucking essay

#IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS #star trek strange new worlds #snw spoilers #snw lb #irina talks #ira talks

11 notes · View notes

calebwittebane · 2 years

Note

Yo idk if this is too personal but i was thinking rlly rlly hard about what forgiveness actually means and what it means to forgive someone else and ur post about N forgiving Ghetsis really helped some things click for me...its fictional i know but it was just explained so well i came away from it with a better understanding of what forgiveness rlly could be? It's also just a really good study of there character too! Again i hope I'm not getting too tmi in ur inbox + hope ur back feels better expeditiously

🥺🥺🥺🥺

using fiction to process difficult stuff is extremely helpful actually, it has helped me a lot!! and im so glad i could help as well...

to me, forgiveness doesnt have to mean reconciliation or spending time with that person. often part of it is acknowleding that its best you remain apart. forgiveness is very personal, and i also dont think its one singular moment, its a complicated process, and its not a straight line or a constant curve either. it plateaus in places, it drops, it raises again but only for a moment. ultimately its one of many methods of becoming at peace with things. a lot of the time, i think, it requires a lot of effort from the party being forgiven, too. not being able to forgive someone isnt a failure... and forgiving someone others dont think deserves your forgiveness isnt a bad thing either. its all about what you want and what would help you.

again, speaking from personal perspective, but. id compare forgiveness, in my experience, to the times i would conquer my fears as a kid by thinking of them as my friends, which was possible with fears that i knew didnt pose any actual risk. i was DEATHLY afraid of skulls when i was a kid, to the point that i couldnt go Anywhere near a high voltage warning with a skull on it (there was one next to my uncle's building which made visiting him an ordeal), so to deal with that i Befriended The Skull and started drawing skeletons all the time and decided skellies and skulls were my spooky friends. but its because i knew they couldnt harm me, you know. i was safe. its about that, i think.

like, i can, one day, i think, forgive some of my abusers. but i dont think i ever could forgive the one who has hurt me and put me in danger when i was helpless, and who i felt unsafe around as an adult, and whose presence no matter how remote to this day makes me physicall ill (i have cut contact with him by now, but receiving a phonecall from him the other day, even tho i didn't pick up, ruined my entire day). you know? its not about the severity per se, though i guess it is in my case, kinda. its about whether or not you feel safe. whether its something that would help you. its okay if you dont wanna. to stay safe and healthy is the priority, and there are many ways to achieve that.

#abuse tw

14 notes · View notes

aquagustd · 2 years

Note

not sure if youre still doing the wip game, but could you tell me about potions of paradox, jagged edges, and love without end?

oh and the fic you’re working on about yoongi being oc’s sisters ex husband sounds so good and i’d love to read it, but if you don’t end up posting it, i completely understand!

ofc !! ah yeah. i might not post it bc i’m afraid that i’ll have fingers pointing at me after i post it lmfao. it’s different & for mature mature audiences ig. vv slow burn too. but i appreciate you saying that <3

potions of paradox — i love night drives. so one day i was taking a cool drive yk & this song came on and i heard the words “i summoned you” & my mind literally…idk where it went. grew a whole other mind of its own and came up with this idea.

reader is preparing for this big exam in a few months. she’s in the medical field. & she’s incredibly anxious. she’s deathly afraid that she might fail and disappoint her parents & waste their money and all her years of hard work bc this exam is so important to her and her future. at a family gathering, she meets this aunt of hers that she hasn’t seen in a while. there, she opens up about her fears, etc. and her aunt is like this witch or sumn and she tells her about this ~magical~ cave. a series of things that need to be done and her biggest desire will come true. oc knows what this desire is - to pass her exams. so she goes through with the spell but what if her deepest, darkest desire is not what she thinks it is. she finds out that the most handsome, charming man she’s ever seen happens to be her biggest desire when he emerges from the cave after the spell is performed 🫣 how is he gonna help her pass her exams 😀 so she’s back to square one. except with handsome man/genie (seokjin) she can’t get rid of.

jagged edges — is the hitman!joon fic i’ve been working on for quite some time. reader is a politician’s daughter & you can guess what namjoon is assigned to do. but what he finds out is that it’s completely pointless to go through with it since she hasn’t been in contact with her family for years. he ends up overriding his superior’s orders, you can guess why, which turns out to be a terrible, grave mistake 😳 reader is also anemic lmao. (like me) just a tiny detail. bc it’s important.

love without end — words cannot express how much i love this fic. i started writing it in february when i really wasn’t in the right frame of mind. based on this song.

i don’t really like writing fics based on movies. i tried multiple times but i feel like i don’t have much creative freedom & readers will go in expecting this & that from the original movie to be in my work you know? but this fic is loosely (very loosely) based on the movie Age Of Adaline. only the concept of jimin living forever - not aging - is taken from the movie. the dialogues and scenes are all my own.

jimin will probably live forever. reader won’t. they’ve been childhood friends. they get married and are happy. but jimin will live forever…and reader won’t. jimin doesn’t age. but reader does 😔 that’s all im gonna say. i love this fic a lot. a lot a lot a lot. my best fic i might say.

ask me anything about my wips

#i hope no one takes my ideas lmao i’m like 75% done with all these fics #fic: love without end #fic: jagged edges #fic: potions of paradox #squishies #wip game #hitman joon

6 notes · View notes

kick-rem · 5 months

Text

im aware im stunningly gorgeous i dont rlly gaf anymore i dont want to be admired and worshipped i want to be loved softly warmly and intimately. i want a guy who just loves me and doesn’t drool when he sees me or b***. don’t actually know if i want my ex back but he keeps texting me and im not sure how to feeell…. because hes like genuinely done such horrible things to me but i cant shake that feeling i got when i made eye contact with him. maybe hes ted bundy idk im not immune to the manipulations of men icl. my desire for men is a placeholder. a man is not what i want, desire is what i want, i want to feel that feeling of desire, that pulse, that pause in time, so that time goes by faster until i dont need them anymore. however i do like to fuck and i dont care about the perception of it. sexual desire is different, more fleeting. id fuck alot of guys. i like gay guys i guess, a lot less judgemental when it comes to the dick. not that there’s anything to judge, its the rest of me thats an issue sometimes. id pretty much get with most of the guys im friends with that are like old enough for me. my friend brought me out with their friend and her friend. the first friend im aesthetically obsessed with. shes kinda just perfect, shes very stylish, very intelligent and shes autistic too so like i wanna get close to her so i can see what i relate to her with. also shes in art and im going into art too so maybe we cld help eachother. my friend told me “shes bringing her friend and hes like such a you person” they was right asl. i kinda have a crush on him but prob wont see him again. he has such a cute face, above his lip is red from his nose dripping and the cold. he liked my jumper and he smokes too. im aesthetically obsessed also with my friend whos a living monster high doll. i used to be fixated on them when they first came out but stopped a couple years after from judgement i guess. i live vicariously through her stories. i dont really know about this friend group, do they like me, some of them sure but i feel like theres a hive mind lurking in them ready to go against me but maybe im paro. im the oldest now. the next oldest likes me and seems to not care enough to have any negative feelings. the next oldest ive been close with for a while so should be fine. next one is deathly afraid of being seen with me by the main opp but its fair enough considering his history(the opp). seems to be warming up to me again tho which is nice but a weird deja vu feeling. dont know where this one fits in age wise tbh but he’s interesting. autistic as hell and i can see it in his communication which is both good and difficult sometimes. feel bad for him sometimes cus hes kinda the runt of the group metaphorically but also hes a little iffy towards me sometimes so ill keep an eye. next one is a sassy lil f word and hes fine. its nice to be in a local friend group again, the distances are easy. i cant sleep

0 notes

johnmeowston · 7 months

Note

talk to me about what pers thinks about gunner or the effect gunner has on him

HII so sorry went chatterbox mode . uno momento

i think in the beginning pers was a leetol hostile towards gunner. out of apprehension and also not being able to comprehend why gunner would go out of his way to help a person like pers/having nothing to gain from it (i think abt rp ....). this, however, leads to him finally starting to see the good in people . 2 me < if not seeing goodness in himself, he sees it in others !! sees it in gunner seeking out help for him despite bleeding nd Maimed himself ! pers almost immediately grows fond of him after this revelation, coupled with the fact that despite seeing him in his most vulnerable moment gunner didnt actively try to hurt him (most he did was like, piss him off briefly) . in the future i think hed b practically Attached to gunner . out of love nd also not knowing what he is Without him. he also doesnt question things gunner asks him to do cos he trusts his judgement Immensely as a leader nd as a friend (gay pride flag). and also uhh . ex agent urge 2 follow orders nd what not. additionally i dont think he enjoys being open 2 gunner ill be real . views his experiences as deserved and fears if he speaks about them itll be confirmed < deathly afraid of gunner agreeing with him/saying he did in fact need to be tormented and was out of line for fighting back. i think hed only share tid bits of it w him tbh

HELP this man is so affected . i think he feels weak whenever hes around gunner, tbh . how despite going through the Horrors gunner still holds himself as a proud and accomplished person (in pers' eyes), whereas he gets nervous whenever he hears a door shut. i think hes most prone to act tough around gunner than anyone else in the gang- his attempts at trying to make up the fact that hes factually useless. hes eternally grateful that gunner feels safe being vulnerable around him < makes him feel that despite being weak theres at least One person that trusts him enough to do so . i think hed try to get better for gunner, not out of like . "oh i love you so much you inspire me to get well ^_^" but instead a "im going to try and be someone you deserve. im sorry im the one you love" type way

ALSOO extra thoguht so sorry but i remember you sending that 1 post thats compared them 2 hit song i bet on losing dogs by mitski and i become ILLLLLL OH MY WORDD . cos ok. theres two perspectives on it and the first one fits so well 4 pers nd his whole mindset

so the first interpretation of losing dogs is that its a toxic relationship in which the narrator knows is truly Over they still find themselves flocking back to it !! they know they cannot win/cant have a happy ending but still believe in their partner/the losing dog. which fits pers soooo much bc he views the gangs/gunners attempts at helping him (2 me i think theyd b understanding of how he has little capability of violence left within him < teef nd claws . which were key parts of his fighting as well as him being unable to hold a gun properly anymore, which in his mind renders him as a useless, worn down weapon in desperate need of termination) as them pouring time and valuable resources into a hopeless cause, aka HIM !!!

the second interpretation is that the dog, being a person you love deeply, is fighting a conflict (either a physical or mental one) that you see them succumbing to but cannot interfere with. and in spite of how dire it looks for them you cant help but long for them to and bet on them Winning. and when they (inevitably) lose, you lose along side them!! you process the same pain they do as well. nd when youre asked why you bet on them despite them constantly losing, you answer you bet on losing dogs because YOU need the things you give them. you need someone to look at you and give you unconditional love and benefit of the doubt. you need someone with unwavering and unshakable faith in you and your ability to succeed despite the fact you seemingly almost always lose. and when you DO fail, they wont abandon you, and will remain by your side as you writhe in pain even though youve caused them hardship. you bet on the losing dog because youre seeking a promise in it- the promise that theyll be by your side even when you fail in the same way. even when youre the losing dog . this is persgunner coded 2 me

also umm. sily doodle

#asks #HELP so sorry . so chatterbox

1 note · View note

cometchasr · 10 months

Note

🍀 and 🧠 for all of your OCs

this got deleted and im depressed i'll try to remember my answers. fuck this stupid site

askgame

🍀- what originally inspired the oc?

comet: self insert, but like a really idealistic and naive one. made in a time when i didn't know how scarred i was. not very representative of me anymore, and i dont think he ever was, at least not in reality. maybe in perception.

stas: the strategic, mapgame playing side of me. smart and friendly because this was also when i still didn't know i had real issues that affected me a lot.

alex: me. in full. entirely. issues, insanity, distance, different personalities depending on mood, smart, everything. it's a way for me to see myself

rax: he's based on rex (igneous), shatter (pre-jin death), and some of tenor gang, and he's the calm guy in the polycule. but also playful and wild, because all 3 of them have different modes at varying levels of obviousness (alex has multiple that are obvious, rax has 2 that are obvious, azhar has 2 that are not). hes like the middle because while alex just is deathly afraid of interaction and azhar can interact rax jst prefers not to do it too much. very fun guy to be around. gets the job done, but still has fun

azhar: also tenor gang, specifically mainly one person. chill, friendly, like the coolest person in the world. i cant describe this but you'll know when he appears, because its so intangible its only explainable when you actually read the words. his 2 modes are the chill laidback normal one and the cold/distant one when he's angry or sad

🧠- what do you like most about the oc?

comet: the fact that hes who i thought i was. the me i idealized, the one i wanted to be (but wasn't). the fact that he's wild and full of energy and also dignified, the fact that even without the depression and the insecurity i can see parts of myself in him. the fact that he still loves intensely and fully and genuinely. the fact that, even though i never really developed him as a character, his mark remains in my life

stas: he's everything i ever wanted to do with government. the fact that he's so hardworking but still fucks around half the time, like a paradoxical monster, because hes just getting through it. the way he teaches at the university and almost pays more attention to that than running the country, and how he's the chillest teacher ever. his relationship with zym. fluffy and so gay and burring the lines between platonic and romantic and being so incredibly beautiful

alex: the fact that he is me, in the closest form i could find. the fact that he has the same issues as i do, and he works through them, and he gets to go on adventures and be free and do everything i can't. and that he falls in love so fully, and how happy he is in the end despite all the pain, and how his walls never actually fully break for everyone. how he's still fragmented, its just that the different personalities show up in different amounts now, how his anger is so destructive but is, ultimately, formed out of love, to defend something he genuinely cares about. how all three of them are like this

azhar: when he gets angry or sad, he does the same thing as alex (withdraw and cut off all connections; hide), but its so different. alex tries to just not exist, azhar hides behind a mask of perfect formality; alex destroys with an explosion, azhar destroys with detachment. how he refuses to evolve, breaking eevee tradition, until he does, because his friends were in danger. how he's confident and can confront authority but not his peers (he asks chatot to let him into the guild but is told he needs a teammate... which hes too anxious to ask for).

rax: his different personalities. wild and playful, and calm. how he keeps the lycanium z around his neck, the last thing from his parents, and how he finally gets to use it at the end. how he joined later, and just... immediately became close with them. how he'll do anything to protect them, because he lost his parents once and he can't go through the pain again (but he doesn't have a choice, does he, when alex disappears?)

#qna #mine #im sorry the post was deleted it was so fucking frustrating #in the original rax pt 2 (brain) was better but i cant fuckin remember

0 notes

mewsrys · 11 months

Text

I dont havw anything productive to say about the new malevolent episode. I might relisten again lol it may be one of my favorites. Already.

spoilers under here for 33 But i dont think i’ll be tagging this anyways because im scared of pwople reading it

I felt such a sense of dread all throughout the episode. jesus christ. somehow the scene where john n arthur were trying to find oscar, and opening all the doors in the hallway was . Almosr more suspenseful than later parts. Im kind of a pussy (Deathly afraid of jumpscares especially)!anyways idk how i can handle this podcast man. If oscar makes it out of this alive im gonna be surprised, like almost everyone that’s helped arthur and john so far has not ended up very . Well.

And the last few minutes… i could talk about that for so long. Incredible!!! The way that all these different things started piling up, with daniel saying he left a message at the hotel, the phone call, and all at the same time as arthurs trying to speak to oscar over the phone, the KNOCKING ON THE DOOR!! How arthur tried telling daniel not to open the door as he realized who it was. and he died anyways . Man. I was having trouble keeping up with everything going on but in the best fucking way possible! It fit the moment so well. and arthur callinf daniel dad… minutes before he died…… Im Not Okay. Like the shouting winded down, and they started having more conversation, and then shit just hit the fucking fan from then on. AGGHDDHDEHEXHDJJXJE

Ok and the last part, i loved the way that the audio was done there. This podcast is literally the best ive listened to in manh ways especially how i feel like i may as well be watching a show with Visuals. i know this entire post is just me acknowledging things that were literally Intentional for this epiaode, but INCANNOT GET OVER IT! i could Really See especially in the last part as if the “camera” had been in a fixed position as arthur ran away, and the butcher became closer to the “camera” before going after him. Idk i know thar was the intention but i fucking love when shit loke thar happens in podcasts cause i feel like its not that common n if it is it usually isnt that easy to See

Thar may be the wnd of my thoughts for now… Hi future self rereading my posts

Nobody call me stupid i already know and im acknowledging it so that i dont make a fool of myself!! if you read this pretend you didn’t

1 note · View note

boycannibal · 3 years

Text

huh so math test this Fucking wednesday i forgot about huh ... huh....

#i literally want to not study at all and just fail this one #like i can retake it #daily dose of complaining but this fucking sucks #me ranting about everything below<3 god bles but ive gotta get it out somewhere #im realizing how much i rely on like. cheating? and stuff like that and im somehow afraid of going back to school because i wont be able to #do that anymore #and like today i cried again simply because ''things were happening too fast''#and my dad suggested i go to therapy over this kind of thing but at the same time i dont even know if ill be willing to work on it #and if i wont be willing to work on it then theres no use of me going anywhere #and like if i wanted to work on it id have to open up about the ed thoughts/tendencies and like thats not happening</3 #partly because i dont want to be supervised partly because im afraid i will be told ''you dont have an ed because youre not deathly #underweight'' like that would only make everything worse #and ive been loosing motivation for school and only scraping by because of that last minute doer part of me #and ive been playing a lot of lol which ultimately makes me happy with lore and all but at the same time i feel bad? for it?#like somehow its a worse thing to procrastinate with video games than with drawing or podcasts #ok. ok. im about to get into a spiral time to try something else

0 notes

lovely-echoo · 3 years

Text

Sleepy Bois Inc x FranBow!Reader

In-game AU

Part 1/? Pt.2

Plantonic!SBI x Young!Reader

(10/11 years old)

OneShot/Drabble(?)

Genderneutral reader (they/them) 💜

INFO; If you haven't played or seen game play of Fran Bow then you can skip this if you'd like. If you don't care then go ahead.

Summary; Basically if you've seen/played the game you should know how this goes, you take place of Fran. So you go/went through the same things she did and you still have Mr. Midnight. This takes place while Fran is still in the mental hospital and then got teleported near the SBI.

Honestly I kept thinking about this but was afraid to request it to anyone so I'm doing it my myself-

If I get any info wrong, I'm sorry! I rewatched Markiplier's game play so it shouldn't be way off.

P.s not everything is described the same.

(^ art by sunquids on twt)

CW/TW: mentions/includes of cussing, gore, death, blood, consumption of medication, sexual assault (brief mentions of Damian/The King)

Fluff/Normal

(Angst if you squint)

How you ended up there - How you met Philza and Technoblade

As you were walking around the hospital, you decided to take a pill to see if it'll help.

You watched as your vision blurred and some sort of demonic noises rang in your ears.

After a few seconds your vision cleared up, you took a look around the front desk.

The once dull and lifeless room had turned into this even duller and just plain deathly like room.

Blood was everywhere, random body parts of babies where thrown around. A skeletal figure was hung with what looked like an umbilical cord wrapped around its thin bones, it was connected to this baby covered by a blue blanket.

Just about everything looked grotesque.

Suddenly the floor ahead of you opened and this slimy black tentacle like arm grabbed you by the waist and pulled you in.

It seemed you may have passed out during your fall because you woke up to the sounds of hissing and supposedly two men.

Oh and let's not forget the killer headache causing the ringing in your ears. :)

You rubbed your eyes as you sat up, the light around you seemed much brighter than before.

You looked at the two men in front of you and then glanced down, you spotted Mr. Midnight!

His fur was spiked up and his ears were flat against his head. He seemed to be trying to protect you from the men.

Ignoring their presence you immediately scooped up your precious fur baby in your arms.

Your mind completely forgot about the fact there are two strange looking men in front of you.

A few droplets of water dripped down your (S/C) cheeks onto your (F/C) shirt/dress.

You started crying, so much happened in a short period of time and you found your cat you oh so desperately tried to find.

It panicked one of the adults. Said adult was an average tall man with slightly longer blond hair than average, he also had a green and white striped bucket hat. But what stuck out the most was the large pair of wings behind his back.

At first you thought that it was your pills fault but everywhere around you looked….

Normal?

It seemed like your meds wore off while you supposedly passed out.

But that doesn’t help or ease you at all. If the side effects wore off then how the hell did he have wings?!

The blond walked towards you slowly, like you were an injured puppy. His blue eyes roamed around your body, as if studying your every mouvements.

The other man who was beside him earlier seemed to tense up and looked at him as if he grew another head. He was on edge you assumed.

But he looked even weirder to you. He had long pink hair tied into a loose braid falling over his shoulder. Was it natural? He also had tusks peeking out from his bottom lip, they were large but not enough to be in the way. His skin seemed to be on the pinker side, it was roughed up with scars and calloused in certain areas. You noticed he had pig ears poking out his crown. Is he a king of sorts? Wait, that reminds you of someome... Oh! The king of course!

Ah yes, the king. You quite missed him actually, he was playful and let you use his cane- sword to get a key. But he didn't know about that part. You wonder if he's doing alright right know, the asylum sucks. And the shadow thing next to him said weird things to. Who exactly is the holy man? Why'd the shadow say he took off his clothes?

You couldn't dwell on it to much as you got distracted by the approaching man.

He reached out his hand to stop the winged male. “Phil-”

But the man named ‘Phil’ interrupted the crowned male by putting up his hand. He stopped his hand and let it limp to his side.

“It’s alright Tech, they seem harmless.” ‘Phil’ reassured, though ‘Tech’ nodded his head with a stern expression. There was still hesitance in his sharp red eyes.

‘Phil’ took the same hand he put up and reached it out to you. A soft and kind look in his eyes, you could’ve gotten lost in them if you weren’t careful.

“You alright there kid?” He asked, crouching down to meet your height from where you sat.

“Y-yeah, I think so…” You winced, your throat was hoarse and dry. You peered at ‘Phil’ as he took out this glass bottle with what you assumed was water.

He handed you the fragile bottle, he saw the look of hesitance in your childlike eyes. But something about them set off alarms in his head, they were dull. There’s nothing wrong with that of course! But they were too dull, at least for a mere kid.

He recognized a glint of trauma in your (Eye Shape) eyes, those beautiful (E/C) orbs had seen something they shouldn’t have. Haven’t they?

“Don’t worry mate, it’s fresh water.” He examined the way you handled the cork, you were inexperienced. He could tell you’ve never needed to do it, but why? It’s really the only way so far to keep water with you.

Did you not have any?

While he was lost in thought, you just had noticed he had an accent of sorts. Nothing wrong with it, you've just never heard of someone with it.

(^ Ignore that if you are british)

While the winged male was off in his own world the piglin hybrid watched as you sniffed the clear liquid in suspicion before letting your cat smell it as if you were looking for their approval.

To his surprise they did give it to you, the black cat nodded it’s head and squeaked out a meow. That strangely sounded like a yes- but he dismissed the thought. Probably was just the voices fucking with him.

You gulped down the water as if you hadn’t had any for months.

‘Why tf are they so desperate-’ ‘lowkey kinda concerned lmao’ ‘they look like they’d be an orphan tho’ ‘lmao maybe’ ‘idc about the kid, i want the cat’ ‘absolutely-’ ‘Nah fuck the cat, im allergic.’ ‘lol and?’ 'PFT ANY ASKERS???'

Those were all different voices speaking and overlapping each other.

Technoblade sighed as he glanced at his father, he knew him on the back of his hand. He let him be and slowly walked next to Phil and kneeled down.

“What’s your name kid?” he asked, taking the empty bottle you had handed him. “(Y/n), (Y/n) (L/n)/Bow.” You bluntly answered, looking at him in the eyes. He noticed how bloodshot they were, I mean you did cry not even 5 minutes ago.

"What's yours?" You questioned tilting your head a bit in the process.

Unbeknownst to you, some voices in a certain someone's head were losing their shit, squealing and chanting ‘protecc tiny bean’ over and over again.

"The name's Technoblade, but you can call me Techno." Strange name in your book but your not the one to judge. You simply nodded your head in acknowledgement.

"That guy is Philza, but you can call him Phil." He pointed his thumb to the unfocused man. Technoblade or Techno- cleared his throat.

“You’ve got somewhere to stay? Where are your parents?” “Why can’t you mind your business?”

Techno’s eyes twitched in annoyance and his teeth clenched to hold back any crude words.

Although he noticed the flash of pain in those dull (E/C) orbs of the mentions of your parents.

He sighed once again, something you noticed he did a lot. At least, so far he did.

“Look kid, do you have a place to stay or not?”

And that's how you ended up meeting your new family. . . <3

I may include a taglist if anyone's up to be tagged lmao

#mcyt x reader #platonic x reader #tommy innit x y/n #technoblade x reader #philza x reader #wilbur x reader #sleepy bois inc x reader #sbi x reader #fluff #mcyt #fran bow #franbow!reader #reader as fran bow #mr. midnight #cat #tiny bit of angst #only if you squint tho

450 notes · View notes

niskoo · 3 years

Text

Memories kept in the pink hoodie

pairing: Ex! Heeseung x reader

genre: angst, fluff in the end ig, breakup! AU

warnings: swearing, uhhh they like break down together

word count: 2.2k words OMG

a/n: another one of my requests!! thank you all for the ideas its really helping!! mmm this one was very interesting to write because i usually write crack/fluff, aaannndd ive literally never done anything ive written IURHWIU thank you for the great idea anon <33 THIS HELPED SO MUCH OMG USUALLY MY ANGST SUCKS BUT IM PRETTY PROUD OF THIS AAAA ALSO IM SORRY IF THIS WASNT REALLY WHAT YOU WANTED IDK THERE ALWAYS HAS TO BE FLUFF IN MY IMAGINES IG 😓😭

feel free to request and help get rid of my writers block!!

a bit based off of 'try again' by jaehyun and d.ear

You should've known the consequences of dating an idol, you should've been careful. Of course they wouldn't let you be together, he's in one of the rising groups, heck, he was in one of the biggest companies.

It wasn't necessarily the company's fault you were so heartbroken, it's both your faults. You couldn't help but blame each other for how careless you were. You know better than to make things worse, and yet you did.

The evening you go back to his dorm after being confronted by the company, you two started a huge argument of who's fault it was. Either it was his fault for not taking caution during work, or your fault for always checking up on him. All loving actions in the past became reasons for why you should break up, thus cracking your relationship further.

When you went home that night, with your backpack full of your things, you did nothing. You didn't cry, you didn't rage, you simply thought that this was the end, you felt guilty that it had to end like this, instead of just working it out and breaking it off peacefully.

Your heart was left cracked and hurt for sure, but this time, you blame yourself. You shouldn't have met him, you shouldn't have got to know him, it's all your fault. And for the first time that night, you cry.

Your heart clenched at every thought of having to leave Heeseung, more tears falling at the fact that he's not gonna be a part of your life anymore. He's gone, and it's all your fault.

It's when you unpack your things when you realize you still have a bunch of things left at his place, you realize you never want to go back and face him.

You leave your stuff there for the next 2 days, your heart still unready to confront and be reminded of the fact that Heeseung is gone. Unfortunately, he has other plans.

Your phone lights up, and the last name you want to see is lighting the phone up.

'Hey... you left some of your stuff.'

You instantly turn your phone off, breaths picking up as you quickly look away from it and finish your lunch. You can feel the anxiety filling your body as you notice it light up once again, and it swarms in your chest even more when your mother winces at the next text.

You put down your spoon, quickly glancing at the text.

'If you want, you can come by and pick them up? I'll pack them for you...'

Your heart clenches yet once again, you know it's true, literally half your stuff is still there and you have to pick them up. You unlock your phone, quickly sending an 'okay' before completely shutting your phone down. You wouldn't stand a second more looking at his contact.

You decide to go at 11, because that's when the other members are at the company training. You don't know if Heeseung's gonna be there to give you your things, a part of you hopes he is, another hopes he's not there. But then again, who else would open the door for you?

You stand outside the familiar door nervously, picking on your nails and the lint on the hem of your cardigan. Just as you were about to knock, the door swung open, and instead of your ex boyfriend standing there it's the youngest of the group, his eyes wide and puffy lips parted.

As usual, he woke up late. You can't help but chuckle as he picks his shoes up and scurries down the stairs, bidding him a friendly goodbye.

You almost forget about Heeseung, but as you hear shuffling from inside, it all comes back.

You two share awkward glances, the tension slowly building itself back up. Instead of the heated, rage filled tension, this time the tension is guilty, and without each other knowing, yearning.

“T-this way,” Heeseung mutters tightly, eyes glued to the ground as he shuffled quickly to the living room. You follow along just a few seconds later, still processing the fact that this is the end. He could be gone out of your life after this, it’s your last chance to speak.

Your eyes slowly travel up when you stop, the beating of your heart quickening with the slight burning in your eyes. Lo and behold, there your things laid, ready for you to bring back home. You can’t help but notice how it’s packed completely how Heeseung would pack, neat and with care. It’s not too stuffed, it’s in the perfect place.

Biting at the dead skin of your lip, you trudge towards the duffle bag—his duffle bag—and kneel down to grab the handle. The moment you pick it up, you notice how the bag isn’t fully zipped, and a certain pink sleeve peaks out from the tiny space.

All too familiar, the pink sleeve was. It was the one he took from Daniel in I-land. He knew you loved it, for you loved the kid like your little brother. But, he can’t. It’s his, it’s his favorite, he can’t just give it to his ex.

You instantly place the bag down, the tears starting to well up in frustration and sadness. You zip open the bag and take the pink hoodie out, before shoving it into Heeseung’s chest, “Take it, Heeseung, Please don’t give it to me.”

It takes him a few moments, before Heeseung is shaking his head and handing it back to you. “No, it’s practically yours anyway. And you really like it right? It’s just a-“

“Don’t tell me it’s just a hoodie!”

You both are shocked at your sudden burst, frozen in your spot. Your breathing is heavy, like a weight is holding it down and slowing your breathing. There are tears keeping your cheek moist, warm, they stream down continuously, the sensation as if there was fire dripping from your eyes and burning your skin.

Heeseung’s just on the verge of crying himself, the grip on the pink hoodie deathly, he feels the material ripping against his skin. How did it come to this? When did it even happen? It all feels surreal, to think what you two had could fall apart.

All the happy moments in your relationship fading to memories, the hoodie representing the fact itself is true. None of you wanted to take it, afraid it would remind you of the other.

Deep down, you wanted to keep it, keep the memories it held, keep the tears that once soaked it when you vented all your stress to him, keep the scent of Heeseung that lingered on the fabric. You were just too afraid of being reminded that along with the happy memories, came the sad memories of the night you fought and broke it off.

Your grip on the poor hoodie eases, as you slide to the floor helplessly with tears messing your face up. You desperately wanted to hold the pink piece of clothing and keep it forever, and another part of you cursed at you for being too vulnerable.

Your hand quickly wipes away the tears on your cheeks and chin harshly, almost hitting yourself for being so sensitive. Before you could do the action again, a softer grasp is stopping your hand, Heeseung’s other hand reaching up to brush the tears away dearly, blowing your hair away from your face.

Before you could even bring yourself to stop, you’re already reacting to his touch, cowering into his hold and placing your hand over his on your cheek, almost intertwining them together.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper into his palm, your other hand reaching up to grasp at his t-shirt. You’re sorry for so many reasons, for not being careful, for all the things you said in the argument, for making a sudden commotion just because of a stupid hoodie. “I’m so sorry...”

“Shh, it’s alright, it’s alright.” Heeseung grabs you into his infamous embrace you would hate to leave, stroking your back with patterns just the way he knew you loved, just the way it would calm you down. “We’ll be alright.”

More tears fall between your eyelashes, dripping and soaking into Heeseung’s shoulder as he himself sniffles quietly into your hair. None of you want to leave each other behind, it’s the painful truth that you both can’t have, the truth you’ve always feared.

A sudden feeling of relief fills you up inside, his words reassure you in a way, we’ll be alright, you’ll be okay, it just had to leave his lips for you to believe it. You crawl closer to Heeseung, squeezing yourself in his bear hug, “We’ll be okay, we can make it right,”

A hoarse and hearty laugh leaves Heeseung, it shakes right by your ear as you press it against his chest, and he nods, “Yeah,”

He gently pulls your head back right in front of his, wiping the last of your tears and tucking the stray hairs back to the back of your ear, “Let’s just talk,” his whisper tickles your nose, causing you to lightly giggle at the feeling, his lips pressing softly against the pink tinted skin, “Make everything better?”

You nod, finally grasping at the pink hoodie and holding it tight to your chest as Heeseung laughs and bonks his forehead right on yours.

For the next few hours, you talk, make up, talk some more, maybe even a small cuddle, but that’s a secret. You make ramen for when the other members come back from practice, you feel happy to see the members thank you and eat with enthusiasm, you feel glad this is how your last moments together last.

Now you have the (practically ripped) pink hoodie in your arms as you bid the boys goodbye, slightly tearing up at the sight of them sadly waving, but you keep it in and continue your way back home, where you would tell your mom how you ended it on good terms.

And that night, you slip on the pink hoodie before you sleep, and you feel a piece of paper poking at your arm. You’re surprised to see a crumpled envelope poking out, your name written messily in blue ink.

You pull the envelope out quickly, opening it out with something bubbling in the pit of your stomach as you notice the handwriting as Heeseung’s.

‘My dear Y/n,

Hello there! I don’t know if i got the guts to make it right with you or if i pussied out and watched you as you drove away with regrets, but that’s what this letter is for. hopefully you didn’t throw this letter away hehe

i just wanted to thank you. for everything. your love, your care, your trust, Your happiness, thank you for everything you’ve given me. im sorry we had to end our journey, but know that you’ll be in my mind everyday. when we practice, I’ll remember your encouraging smile, when we win, I'll remember the fact that it’s you who gave me the courage to start this whole career.

i love you y/n. we’ll both probably find our other person in the future, but you’ll forever be in my heart as my first love, my first heartbreak, my best memory. thank you for helping me through my hardest times, thank you for helping the other boys through their worst times, especially jungwon, he’ll miss you the most.

i guess this is goodbye, y/n. not forever, of course, but for some time. thank you for everything, i hope you enjoyed the times we had together as much as i did.

with all the love in my heart,

Lee Heeseung :)’

You wipe at your tears for the nth time that day, folding the paper back into the envelope. “Fuck you Heeseung, you’ve ruined my makeup again!” You curse under your breath as you slip the letter into a certain box at the corner of your bedside table, patting your cheeks one last time.

You truly cherish the memories you had with Heeseung. You hope he does too.

#ehypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #enhypen blurbs #enhypen drabbles #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen heeseung #lee heeseung #lee heeseung angst #lee heeseung fluff #lee heeseung blurbs #lee heeseung x reader #lee heeseung scenarios

134 notes · View notes