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everythingsinred · 3 years

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt.10)

WOW we did it folks. 10 parts to an essay that we're like. a quarter of the way done with. That's pretty great! More or less, by the time you finish reading this post, you'll have read 35k words worth of analysis and I'll have spent countless hours writing it. What amazing dedication we have to this manga! We should get an anime reboot as a reward!

Anyway, let's go crazy stupid trying to wrap up this arc, where we can see the extent of Natsume's selflessness. As we approach the end, something will happen to make Natsume's plans to distance himself from Mikan very difficult. Let us begin!

Also I've been forgetting to put trigger warnings up for these but I put them on the first few so hopefully you know they're all like that. Child abuse is a huge topic we'll cover throughout, as well as all the consequences that come with it, so be wary.

Chapter Forty-One

Medusa--Mihara-san--is amused to see that the frightening, powerful, and awe-inspiring “Black Cat”, who demonstrates a trained command of his alice despite wearing an alice-restraining mask on missions, is actually just a little kid.

Natsume doesn’t care about being impressive; he cuts to the chase, asking where Mikan is. Medusa makes his comments, but Natsume stays on his point: his new mission is to save Mikan, after all. Though keeping Mikan and Ruka safe had been his personal mission from the get-go. But just as Natsume isn’t interested in anything Medusa has to say if it isn’t about Mikan, Medusa isn’t interested in any topic that is about Mikan. So the small talk ends and Shiki is commanded to test the kids’ abilities.

Natsume cares about one thing right now and it isn't his DA alias.

They are in the midst of some kind of battle or standoff when Mikan reappears, safe. She calls out to them, excited to see them again. Ruka and Tsubasa are happy to see her safe as well, so they call out too. Natsume is not as thrilled. He’s good at staying on mission and keeping his attention on the dangers around him, like Shiki and Medusa, as well as the countless other Z members, all with mystery alices.

Mikan suddenly appearing and making herself known is dangerous, and she’s immediately under attack, unwittingly. He runs to protect her, using his alice as a barrier between them and the man who just tried to hurt her, but when he turns back to look at Mikan, he’s livid.

The art in this scene is so gorgeous, I could stare it forever. Look at how silky Natsume's hair is. Pretty.

Tsubasa and Ruka have never been on a mission like this. They were just eager to see Mikan unharmed. She was also just excited to see her friends again after being separated. But Natsume knows better. On a mission, you have to stay vigilant and always careful, and Mikan was careless. He yells at her, scolding her. But even through his emotions, he stays vigilant, protecting her even more when the enemy tries to take advantage of the distraction.

This is what he came for, not just to be the brains and keep them on track throughout the journey, but also to protect them, because that’s what he always does, what his priority always is. He will use his alice to ward off enemy attacks, and use his body as a shield, even if he winds up exhausted and bleeding and hurt. And he is.

But he still tells Mikan to stay behind him, to stay safe, so he can properly protect her this time, because he couldn’t do it before.

He doesn’t expect Mikan to get up and tell him that he doesn’t have to worry. She doesn’t want or need him to protect her; instead she wants to help him. She tells him, for once, that he doesn’t have to be the only one hurt anymore. He’s understandably surprised to hear this, because it means that someone other than Ruka has been paying attention. She understands that he’s been through the wringer, and she doesn’t want to just sit back and benefit from his effort without giving anything back. But more than just saying she’ll take on the brunt of things for him, she wants to help. She wants to be his strength, not a burden on him.

She has been noticing him, even the things he doesn't want her to notice.

This shocks him enough that it actually distracts him from his vigilance, and suddenly it appears that Ruka is in danger. He leaves her side just long enough for her to be captured by Shiki instead, and immediately teleported to Medusa’s side. They needed to get Mikan out of the way, after all, so that Medusa could use his alice, which he immediately uses to petrify Tsubasa’s leg.

Chapter Forty-Two

Right off the bat, we’re shown just how much the stakes have risen. Medusa’s alice is deadly, not just dangerous, and he’s already managed to hit Tsubasa with it. His next command is to have Yuka steal the kids’ alices, and to start with Natsume. It would make things easier on him, anyway, Medusa says, obviously privy to the idea that a child like Natsume wouldn’t want to be a child soldier at all, unlike Reo who mused that maybe Natsume would be more content with just a change of employer.

But Yuka makes it clear that her alice isn’t strong enough to steal all of the alices at once, trying to spare the kids from losing their abilities. So Medusa then goes to a Plan B, convincing the kids that his alice will only be temporarily affecting them until they agree to work for Z. After all, Natsume can’t really use his alice when Medusa has Mikan in his clutches. He’s been in this situation before, practically living in it, having the lives and happiness of his loved ones held over his head so that he will be pliant. Medusa comments that he loves torturing people like him, and he must not be the only one, since Natsume’s been tortured in this way for years now.

Ruka is hit in the shoulder while trying to shield Tsubasa from another attack from Medusa, and the shoulder region is particularly life-threatening, as it’s close to the heart and he might die from the loss of blood flow soon. Of course, this sets Natsume into berserk mode, but before he can use his alice, he coughs violently. This gives Medusa an opportunity to strike Natsume in his dominant arm, his left one.

He tries to use his alice, despite being at a new disadvantage, and still angry from what’s happening to Ruka. So his leg gets hit too.

Medusa gets temporarily incapacitated by Mikan’s nullification, so he sends Yuka to steal Natsume’s alice, which should be a walk in the park because he’s lost control of his arm and leg, so he can’t run away.

It’s here that Natsume reveals to the reader the secret he’s been keeping for the past few days, the one that we must now keep as well, that Mikan is Yuka’s daughter.

This is another one of those situations, where the stars align in all the wrong ways. Something you've always wanted is within grasp, but there's too many reasons not to take it.

Natsume stands there, unable to move, and ponders his situation as Mikan desperately screams for him to run away.

He wonders if he was waiting for this exact moment, if that’s the reason he came along at all, so that he could meet Yuka and have her steal his alice away.

Earlier, Natsume left a conversation about losing alices because it was too painful. He doesn’t feel the same way about his that the rest of them do. It’s not some fond part of him that he can’t stand to lose. He hates it. It’s been a hindrance since the day he was born. People of all sorts of organizations, including the government operated Academy and terrorist organizations like Z, have coveted his power. It’s put his loved ones in danger. It’s made his life a living hell. He’s been robbed of a fun childhood, of smiles and friendship, of peace. It’s stolen opportunity from him, so he can’t even feel free to pursue a crush, or make bonds freely, or let himself laugh. It stole his future from him, and he dies a little bit more every day. He won’t live long enough to go on a date, graduate, get married, get a normal job, have kids, grow old. He might not even make it to middle school, and he knows it. He lives his whole life in eternal emotional, physical, and mental agony. He’s always under the gun, always careful, always selfless, always defensive.

Why would anyone want that?

And this is his chance to lose it all. Things could be easier, better, safer. He could lose it and finally exhale. He could go back home to his dad. He could be an actual kid for once. Yuka could steal his alice and all of his responsibilities and the deadweight he’s been carrying on his back for his whole life could be gone.

Of course he almost lets her steal it.

But Mikan has been screaming in anguish for him to run away, and he remembers what she said when she saved him during the Reo Arc: that it was too late to give up, and that they should return to the academy together, because a bright future must be waiting for them.

And because of that, Natsume makes his first move to escape Yuka’s alice.

Does Natsume really want a future if his friends and loved ones would still be in danger? Would it be worth it if he was safe, if it came at the price of their safety? If Natsume doesn’t use his alice to keep them safe and protected, then who will? Who can?

Natsume smacking Yuka’s hand away isn’t selfish. It’s not him realizing he wants to keep his alice, that maybe deep down, he might actually love it. It’s not dear to him in any way. It’s still the thing that wears his body down and forces him to cough up blood. No, this act is selfless, yet again, because his own happiness and even his life come dead last to him. He has to keep them all safe after all.

Yuka snatches his wrist anyway, ready to steal his alice away, until she realizes she can’t. Mikan is using her alice from all the way across the room to protect Natsume.

So basically, the idea of Natsume leaving the academy causes this kind of reaction in Mikan, something Natsume has no choice but to see for what it is: fondness.

He looks at her with surprise, because this is an act of affection. Mikan has just used her alice to keep him with her. His life isn’t in danger, but she wants him to stick around. Now more than ever, Natsume can see proof that she cares about him, even despite all the bullying he’s done, despite all the mean words he’s thrown her way, even after he told her cruelly that he hates every single thing about her. Up until now, Natsume had no reason to believe she was doing anything but tolerating him, and though that was the outcome he was working for, deep down he does want the girl he likes to have some fondness for him too. This is the first time Natsume can really see that he means something to her too, as more than just a classmate or a partner. He is someone she doesn't want to part with.

And Mikan has fulfilled her wish, to be Natsume’s strength, because now Natsume is able to yell at her to duck and blow up the wall behind her.

Usually such huge explosions are the result of him at his angriest, using his ability to punish the people who hurt his loved ones. He’s probably also done similar things on missions, maybe even when he’s completely calm. But this time Natsume is weaker than ever, his dominant left arm completely out of commission, unable to move, under duress. He finds the strength to cause that explosion because of Mikan, because she wants him around.

While everyone is distracted, Natsume tells Yuka to go help Mikan, hinting that he knows her secret.

So Yuka stabs Mihara-san and has the petrified kids lick his blood off the blade. It’s confusing to the other kids why she would do this, but Natsume knows exactly why.

It would be interesting to see more interaction between Yuka and Natsume. Surely Yuka knows that Natsume is Kaoru’s son? It would be interesting to see if she noticed that his name matches Mikan’s. What does she think of him? What might their dynamic be like? I will always mourn that we’ll never find out.

Chapter Forty-Three

This chapter is the one that should officially designate this manga into the “tragedy” category. Yes, there’s been some heavy and deep stuff so far, most having to do with Natsume and the heavy abuse he deals with, but even with all that it’s managed to be mainly a cheerful and upbeat story. This chapter makes it clear that horrible and heart-wrenching things can and will happen, that we can’t count on a happy ending every time.

The kids are close to escape. They’re about to head through a warp zone back to school, and it’s urgent they move fast because the hide-out they’re in is currently imploding. Unfortunately, Mikan has dropped the antidote to the bullet that hit Hotaru, so she refuses to leave until she’s retrieved it from under a pile of rubble.

Pengy finally has a chance to prove itself, wriggling under and saving the antidote for Hotaru. It has helped Mikan, and because that’s the best thing someone can do, Natsume is grateful.

Natsume's smile (even a small one like this) has incredible powers, like giving robots a feeling of self-worth, making his classmates fall in love with him, and making me think he is a good boy. It would be irresponsible to overuse it.

Just like when Tsubasa showed his worth back at the high school division when he used his alice to help Mikan, Natsume has a new respect for Pengy, who was able to do something amazing to help the group, and Mikan especially. So he gives Pengy a slight smile. It’s really subtle and nothing outstanding on anybody else, but it’s a rare thing to get from Natsume, even for those whom he loves. “I guess you can be a little useful,” he says. This is the best sign of appreciation someone can get from him, and Pengy glows for a moment (ahh… the power of Natsume’s smile), until things fall apart.

The floor gives way under Mikan’s feet. They’re able to pull Mikan up, but Pengy is still too far to reach. Despite Mikan’s desperation, Pengy understands that they’re wasting time trying to reach it. Finally, after Pengy has proven its use to Natsume, it refuses to be a hindrance again, and sacrifices itself so that everyone can safely return the antidote to Hotaru.

They’re all through the tunnel, hit with the knowledge that Pengy is gone. They all react somewhat differently, but Natsume feels guilt.

Pengy's smile has evil powers because it makes me cry.

Natsume had considered Pengy a robot, something unfeeling and mechanical, just a useless thing Hotaru made once. It was something that could be discarded, and after it had proven to be troublesome, he’d even advocated that it should be discarded. He’d considered it useless all along, but when it really counted, Pengy was able to save Mikan and the antidote. It proved not only that it could be useful, but that it wasn’t just another mechanical robot. When Natsume smiled at it, it smiled back. And in its final act of sacrifice, it acted out of love for both Hotaru and Mikan, and Natsume feels sorry for what he’d said about it.

Natsume has a habit for establishing a bad impression of someone, and then having that person work hard to prove themselves to him. Pengy is one example, but he’s like this with Tsubasa, Mikan, and all sorts of people at first. People (and robots) that he despises until they show him what they’re really made of, winning his respect and sometimes even affection. It makes sense he would be so distrustful, seeing the life he has to live. Trusting the wrong person can get you hurt sometimes, and can lead to disaster. And having something useless like Pengy can cause a mission to fail. But Natsume is sometimes wrong about his first impression of a person, and the same qualities that could lead him to believe something is useless or annoying can end up being strengths that he respects.

Chapter Forty-Five

Yes, I skipped 44 because that’s more noteworthy as a Mikan chapter. Natsume doesn’t do anything I found particularly intriguing and I didn’t want to make anything up or repeat myself. In fact, for the rest of this arc, there’s very little left for me to say, so I apologize if this is a short analysis to conclude with.

The first thing we’ll address is the ESP and Persona discussing the insubordination that has just occurred. Yes, an injured student has safely recovered, and a Z hideout has been destroyed, but it wasn’t their plan for things to happen that way. Narumi needs a warning, for one. Natsume, according to Persona, needs simply to be punished back into obedience. From the way Persona talks about him, we can see how little he thinks of Natsume, how easy he can be to manipulate and control, which is all he is good for anyway. To them, Natsume is nothing more than a pawn in their game. Sure, he’s a useful pawn, the Black Cat that strikes fear into the hearts of the school’s enemies and successfully completes his missions even with a punishment mask on, but he’s still just a pawn. Nothing more.

While watching Mikan and Hotaru’s reunion, Tsubasa teases Natsume about joining the group hug. Natsume ignores him, and makes to walk away, but stops just long enough to toss his healing alice necklace to him. Tsubasa can borrow it to make up for having Subaru put Natsume’s injuries first. He makes it clear that he doesn’t want anybody looking after him, and that might seem like a snub, but this is kindness too. Natsume calls Tsubasa by his name, though he’ll do his best to avoid ever saying it again, and lends him a source of comfort and healing to pay back Tsubasa’s compassion. This is a growing moment, because Natsume has opened himself up to the idea that he could care about more people, even if it means more to lose.

Saying people's names is another rare magic from Natsume, I guess.

Natsume has learned things on this mission too, just like Mikan has. He’s a bit more open-minded now. He judged both Tsubasa and Pengy, and ended up changing his mind about them both, even if only by a little. He’s also discovered that Mikan has affection for him too, and it will completely undo all the effort he’s so far tried to make in distancing himself. It’s one thing to stay away from the girl you like when she hardly stands you. It’s another thing when she enjoys your company, and your feelings are turning into love. His feelings have intensified, or maybe they were always so intense but are just newly solidified, as he’s not hiding from them as much anymore.

He won’t be able to distance himself from her anymore, so he’ll completely stop trying.

Conclusion

Natsume has realized that Mikan holds a degree of fondness for him too, and because he is now very deeply in love with her, he will not be able to stay away like he'd resolved to before. Tomorrow we will begin our essay with Natsume's birthday, a very exciting way to start looking at his new approach to his relationship with Mikan.

The last essay (pt. 9) in particular inspired people to tell me that they were learning new things about Natsume, and as a result even loving him more, and that makes me so happy! Natsume is one of my favorite characters ever, and I want people to love him as much as I do! I love when people leave comments or questions! Really, I'm just so happy and over the moon that people are reading and enjoying, because again--this is a LOT of words. It's a long essay, and it means so much not just that people want to read about Natsume and his feelings for Mikan, but that they want to hear what I have to say about it! Thank you so much for supporting me! Isn't it exciting that we're about a quarter through? <3

I can’t put a song in the tags cuz I have too many tags. So. Church by Fall Out Boy.

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#gakuen alice #alice academy #hyuuga natsume #natsume hyuuga #natsumikan #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #my meta #ga #mine #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: natsume #yes natsume is a leftie and i will bring it up a thousand times #hes left handed. as if he wasnt oppressed enough #might make an appreciation post for natsume being left handed #also his cute little smile! he is BAbEY #hes my son i will protECT him #also! when it comes to picking the title pictures.... its so hard #i try to pick pictures from the era #particularly a chapter cover from the arc that i like #sometimes im not lucky and theres not a grand selection #i also have to save some pics for mikans essay. so. limited options #i really am trying to do my best here and include good pics!#i was gonna pick a lil snippet from the aeiou book but i dont have any good quality images of that book so the pic i got was grainy #i chose this instead. closer to the era i think #could be better. im sorry

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morkofday · 3 years

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pingxie thoughts (and prayers) bonus 2/2

continuation for this post where i try to make sense of all the visuals offered to us in the amazing bazaar photoshoot. had to divide the bonus part of this series into two bc of the amount of photos and my own tendency to write novels (even while excluding the video clips). hopefully these can offer you all at least something (more than just an eyeroll at my pretentious poetry).

side note: the photos from the digital magazine (the ones without a watermark) belong to @/thosch3i who i very much want to thank you for all the updates and translations ♥

The Bazaar Photoshoot – Future Dream

As stated in the first part of this “analysis”, the theme of this photoshoot was the Pingxie ten years reunion. I already managed to get through the “ideal reality” photos, so now it’s time to delve into the “future dream” in the remaining ones. These seem to offer a deeper look into Pingxie’s actual relationship during the reunion and how their past and future meet in that moment.

(placing under cut bc this gets long with all the photos!)

These photos really challenged me to think outside the box. Bc the obvious answer would’ve just been me screaming “Pingxie married!” on top of my lungs but that’s not really something I’m aiming at quite yet. So I decided to call this pile of photos “the (future) dream” instead, which I think suits it quite well. Just let me try to explain why.

Beginning with these two teaser photos where we first see their matching rings and then their matching necklaces. A lot of eternal promises and unbreakable bonds and soulmate symbolism here (my left brain: but Pingxie married!!! me: shush, not now). I feel like these photos in general show many of those themes, try to catch their bond and the deepest essence of their relationship. This is some type of core, them in their purest form, far outside of actual reality now.

The black and white colors make these photos feel even more like they’re part of a dream or a fantasy or a memory almost. Maybe it is about the things they now have and the things they have lost. Maybe it’s black and white bc things have changed but they still want the same things; they still have their bond and things still make sense. (Maybe I sob about this bc I’m just so weak and Pingxie soulmates, it’s confirmed now!)

Also gotta mention here – bc I will allow myself this one moment of gushing – that Pingxie in black and white, ZSX and XYL in these suits (both suits), is sinful. Absolutely sinful. But also stunning. And so soft. And well, what else could be more symbolic than making Wu Xie wear white and Xiaoge wear black? Tho I think that together, they have always been turning a bit gray. (And how many times did I read that as “gay”? Which,,, still true but. Not the point here.)

At this point am also fighting against my urge to talk about the video clip that dropped with the weibo update on the 1st of March and all the hand action we got in that. Bc I just loved how they played with each other’s hands and the snow and kept looking at their hands together in that clip. It felt like an inaudible love confession. And maybe these photos are just that; a voiceless, wordless way to say “I love you”. Neither of them is good with words anyway and the love is so loud am going deaf. I hope they’re happy.

But if we forget that video, I want to pay attention to the poses in these photos. They are sitting or lying down together, Wu Xie’s head on Xiaoge’s shoulder, Xiaoge’s face almost buried in Wu Xie’s hair or at least turned his way. It feels domestic. There is nothing but them. There is nothing else to care about in this world than them being together and this closeness they share after all the time without it. It’s what they want; this very intense focus on each other (and if that doesn’t scream love to you then I don’t know what to say). It’s a little bit like the ideal reality I talked about in the previous post but even more intense and somehow so much more open which makes me think about this as a “dream” or at least a fantasy of sorts.

Then in the two photos above, we again have Wu Xie looking at the camera while Xiaoge is focusing on him. It feels almost like Xiaoge is a prop here, all the focus placed on Wu Xie who is, unlike in that intense photo in the previous post, smiling. Slightly, but still. He looks soft, content, happy. He’s okay to be the center of all this attention bc he knows that it will take it away from Xiaoge (and omg I know yall whine now that such a thing is impossible with XYL’s beauty but just humor me for a bit). He’s so relaxed bc he knows that Xiaoge is content right next to him. (He might also be a bit smug bc he has a man like that but can anyone blame him?)

I have to note then that, after gushing about their outfits and how good they look in them, there also seems to be a deeper meaning to these suits. Because I don’t think it’s an accident (or a thirst trap) that in these whole-body pictures where they lie in the snow, we see their chests and they’re bare-footed. It feels like this is them being bare in general, open. Their chests show bc their hearts are open, feet are bare bc they are vulnerable (and when you google symbolism for being bare-footed, Wikipedia hits you with childhood and innocence so yes, they are innocent here, pure, like they wish to be). This is them being true and honest with each other, offering all those parts of themselves to the other to look at which they never previously had the courage to show.

At least that’s true in this dream, in this future they hope will become reality one day. In this future that, for now, ignores all the difficulties and obstacles between them (bc they have a lot of stuff to sort out and then Reboot happens and. Yeah well, the future never goes as you planned anyway).

Sitting and shoes on now, we then have Wu Xie offering this almost angry look to the viewer. He might be sitting slightly behind Xiaoge and lower than him but he’s the one who seems powerful here. Xiaoge looks almost childish (which might be just XYL’s personality showing through lol) and is focused on his own hands, the ground, and his shoes/legs. It feels like this is Wu Xie being the one aware for once, being the one who carries their worries, the one who sits there protecting Xiaoge so that Xiaoge can finally focus on something else. So that Xiaoge can be free and a little careless. That he can focus on himself and what he wants after giving so many years away for Wu Xie and his (at this moment non-existent or at least tainted) innocence. This is their dream; or at least Wu Xie’s dream bc somehow this whole photoshoot seems to focus on him instead of Xiaoge (like I stated before, he seems like a prop sometimes haha).

In contrast to that thought and the previous photos, this one actually puts Xiaoge on display tho. He’s at the front, in the middle of the photo, and if you don’t get distracted by Wu Xie’s eyes (hard, I know), then you most likely focus on Xiaoge and get stuck there. It feels intentional, like Wu Xie’s strong protective instinct is somehow left a bit hidden? Behind Xiaoge? Who is usually seen as the protector? Which is interesting imo bc at this point Wu Xie has learned to be very brutal, and in Ultimate Note (and before that), we see him being very fierce when it comes to him protecting those he loves. So this setting between them feels a bit like a dream too, a dream where Wu Xie has been able to pull away a little bc Xiaoge is alright while facing the world again. Xiaoge is not as vulnerable as someone who doesn’t know who he is and who to trust. He has found his place to be.

Then the two photos that confused me the most bc at first they felt like they didn't fit at all? They just felt... weird, even if they look absolutely stunning. Here we have Wu Xie and Xiaoge dressed in their second pair of suits (if these can be called suits?) with Xiaoge in this long cape thing and his arms half bare. Wu Xie’s outfit seems almost too simple compared to everything else he’s worn, and they are both now facing towards the same direction while previously they were either looking at each other, away from each other or, in Wu Xie’s case, the viewer.

Maybe these pictures were why I finally came to think about these as “the future” instead of just some type of “dream”.

Because in these pictures it feels like they are actually looking towards the future. Especially in this last photo they are both facing the light, side by side, in these clothes that feel almost like they’re… I don’t even know. Purified? Divine? Heavenly? Please excuse my lack of words but this just feels like that, like some kind of final peace where even their clothes are somehow on a higher level. It’s a dream-like future where they both can stand strong and be together forever, finally. (Also makes me think about how we see their rings in these pictures, like a sign of the bond they have formed and the bond they want to form (my left brain again: Pingxie married!!!! and this time am tired of arguing against that).)

And if we add the other photo up there, where they are slightly turned towards each other, sharing a look almost, it feels like they have decided to go. Like this is a mutual choice of walking forward, some kind of turning point like the last photo was in the previous post. They are going and the future is at their reach and it’s going to be amazing (or at least I believe so, once again, bc they deserve their happy ending).

What are we then left with? With a future that includes them being at peace, being content with each other and the surrounding world. A future that is, probably, more from Wu Xie’s point of view than Xiaoge’s but still so utterly loving for the both of them (bc what else would Wu Xie want than happiness for Xiaoge?). And then if we connect this to the other photos in the first part, this feels almost like that ideal reality coming to life in their future, that closeness and joy and basking in the other’s presence stretched to cover an eternity. It’s so soft and gentle and sweet. Just like Pingxie are always. And I’m not even surprised that their future includes all of this bc what else could they wish for than the final relief of being together?

#dmbj #ultimate note #pingxie #oh jesus this is a novel #i still hope any of this makes any sense #i lack words and a brain #but also just #this is my love letter to this photoshoot #bc bazaar is doing amazing #and i just have so many thoughts #and i realized so many things #while doing this #pls hit me with your thoughts #if you have anything to add or another view on this #am so curious #pingxiethoughtsandprayers

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mulletpeters · 3 years

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toothache of the mind

ship: peterpatter

rating: g

word count: 1938

tags: canon compliant, pre-canon, high school, 1990s, best friends, feelings realization, pining

Reggie gets braces for his sweet sixteen.

He doesn’t tell anyone―not even his best friends in the whole wide world. So when he walks into homeroom the Tuesday after his birthday, Luke nearly topples out of his chair at the sight of the metal wrapped around Reggie’s adorable little snaggletooth. Alex may or may not be hyperventilating, but Luke wouldn’t know. He’s distracted.

Reggie, for his part, is acting like Luke’s world hasn’t just been tilted on its axis in a dangerous way. “Hey, guys,” he says nonchalantly. “Sup?”

Alex recovers much quicker than Luke, though there’s still a glint of concern in his eyes. They both know how self-conscious Reggie can be, especially about his smile, so he treads carefully. “Hey, Reginald. Do anything fun for your birthday?”

They had their own party on Friday after school―Luke gave Reggie a new studded strap for his bass because the one he’d found in Bobby’s garage had started to look pretty sad―but Reggie’s parents are the type to force family time onto him any chance they get. Luke has a sneaking suspicion they only do it so they can use Reggie against each other in whatever asinine argument comes up that day, but it’s not like he can really do anything about it. None of them can, so Reggie is unfortunately left to his own devices when it comes to compulsory dysfunctional family celebrations. “Not really,” he says in lieu of giving any actual details; he’ll tell them eventually, but a crowded classroom is not ideal for dishing out his personal drama. “Got braces.” He shrugs, like his mom hasn’t made him feel like shit about his less than perfect teeth for most of his childhood. Definitely since Luke’s known him, anyway, and they’ve been friends since they were ten.

��Oh, did you?” Alex asks, and it sounds borderline sarcastic but he holds back most of his usual bite. “Let’s see ‘em, then.” He holds an arm out in a grand gesture like he’s giving Reggie the floor, and Reggie flashes the most hesitant smile Luke’s ever seen on him.

Luke swears his heart stops, but Alex is once again carrying the conversation so he does his best to tune in. “Oh, nice,” Alex says, approving of the red brackets stuck to the front of Reggie’s teeth with a slight nod.

Reggie returns the gesture, and he looks considerably more relaxed now that he knows his friends won’t shun him for something this mundane. “Thanks,” he tells Alex before turning to face Luke, and he looks a little apprehensive, like maybe Luke should get his brain to reboot so he can offer some reassuring words instead of just staring like a total weirdo.

Luke wants to say something about how red looks good on him, or how it’s cool that it’ll match his favourite flannel, or maybe he’d settle for even just a supportive thumbs up. What actually comes out of his mouth is, “How long do you have to wear them?”

Reggie gives him a funny look, head tilted and brow furrowed. “Only like, a year,” he answers anyway, and Luke wants to scream.

Thankfully, the teacher chooses that moment to draw their attention to the front of the room, and Reggie turns around in his seat so Luke can only see the back of his head. Luke sighs in relief, sinking further into his chair till his limbs are sprawled out into the aisle, accepting his defeat. It’s gonna be a long year.

Luke decidedly does not address the issue after that day. The issue being that weird fluttery feeling he gets in his chest every time Reggie smiles at him, or laughs, or talks, or breathes. Basically any time he sees the glint of metal in Reggie’s mouth, really.

It’s not like this is a new development, exactly; Luke has always had a bit of a soft spot for Reggie, a little bit of weakness. In the six years they’ve known each other, he can’t recall a time that Reggie just existing didn’t make his brain static out. The braces just made him recognize what’s always been true, even if he still doesn’t know how to make sense of it.

Normally he’d talk to his best friends about whatever’s on his mind, but he can’t very well articulate a dilemma he can’t comprehend to begin with. Plus, he doubts Alex would be any help, considering he’s got his own set of issues to work through, and he’d rather die than bring it up with Reggie himself. And as for Bobby, well. Bobby’s got the emotional depth of a puddle. So, naturally, he does the only logical thing there is to do: he writes.

He figures if Reggie’s smile is stuck in his head like a song, he might as well make it one. It’s what he’s good at, and it gives him a false sense of separation from the issue that grants a certain clarity he can’t get any other way. He jots down pages and pages of lyrics, curled up in his bed late one night, fingers itching for his guitar even though he knows his mom would kill him if she caught him playing at 1am again. So he just sits cross-legged on his comforter, hunched over his ratty old notebook, scrawling cliche lines about green eyes and freckles and an endearingly crooked canine.

It’s the sappiest thing he’s ever written. When he reads over it before school the next morning, he knows he’s well and truly fucked.

Reggie plops down into the dip in the center of the studio couch, inadvertently leaning onto Luke’s shoulder. “You working on a new song?” he asks, tilting his chin at the notebook on Luke’s lap like the question needs clarification.

Luke nods even as he scrambles to shut the book, shuffling loose papers to stuff them between the creased cover. “Uh,” he stammers, biting his lip. “Yeah, I am.”

Reggie just nods back, averting his eyes to look up at the loft when he realizes that Luke doesn’t want him to see the song. “Rad. What's it called?” He glances at Luke, offering a comforting smile that says Luke can tell him as much or as little as he wants.

And well, that's the thing. Luke hasn't given it a name yet―the song, or the bewildering cocktail of feelings that inspired it to begin with. So he looks up from his scratchy handwriting to Reggie’s lopsided grin and says the first thing his useless brain can come up with. “Crooked Teeth.”

“Oh.” Reggie’s smile slides right off his face and Luke realizes what he's done half a second too late. Reggie bites his lip self-consciously, fidgeting with the sleeves of the flannel tied around his waist as Luke scrambles to backtrack into less sensitive territory.

“It's about Bobby,” he blurts unwittingly. And technically speaking, it is a little bit about Bobby, mostly because it's a little bit about the whole band, seeing as they’re mentioned in one line of the second chorus. But Bobby’s not the point of the song, not by a long shot. Luke decides Reggie doesn't need to know that, though. Especially not when his face lights up at the revelation, conspiratorial eyebrow raised like Luke’s letting him in on some great secret.

“Oh, snap! Well, I won't tell him, but don't let him find those lyrics.” Reggie winks, and it's not like it’s an unfamiliar sight, but Luke’s heart stutters out of time all the same. He's just glad Reggie isn’t the type to ask to see a song before Luke’s ready to share it; Luke doubts he'll ever be ready to share this particular piece, but if he does show it to Reggie, it'll be his choice.

He laughs halfheartedly, more a forceful exhale than anything else, and lands a playful punch to Reggie’s bicep. “Sure, man.”

Reggie just smiles wider. It feels like a kick straight to Luke’s solar plexus.

“You told him it’s about Bobby?” Alex asks, but what Luke hears is, you’re an idiot. Luke looks down at his best friend―he used to consider Reggie his best friend too, but he thinks maybe Reggie is in a category all his own at this point―and frowns. “He got his braces off before we even met him.” Alex stands up, walking around his drum kit to pace the floor. “And you told Reggie it’s called Crooked Teeth before you said that? Dude, you know how insecure he is about―”

“Yeah, Al, I know,” Luke huffs, cutting him off. It’s not the title Luke would've consciously chosen, but it's weirdly fitting, in a sort of convoluted way. Like, maybe Reggie’s teeth weren’t the sole catalyst for this whole...whatever this is, but they definitely played a major part. Luke’s really gonna miss Reggie’s snaggletooth, okay? He resents Reggie’s parents for a lot of reasons, but forcing him to get braces instead of a real birthday present is pretty damn high on the list.

Alex, with all his anxiety-induced powers of perception, notices Luke’s internal struggle and momentarily stops wearing a hole in the floor. “You’re kinda wiggin’ out, man. Chill.” He holds his hands out in what’s meant to be a placating gesture, but the drumsticks in his fists sort of ruin the effect.

“You’re one to talk,” Luke mumbles, but he doesn’t mean it, and Alex knows that. He’s just confused, and stressed, and generally unsure what to do with his recent epiphany. “What should I do?” he asks louder, eyes pleading.

Alex goes back to nervously lapping the room, and Luke picks at a loose string on his guitar strap just to have something to do. “I dunno,” Alex says after what could very well be an eternity. “But I think you’d feel better if you told him.”

Luke’s eyes shoot up to meet Alex’s gaze, brow furrowing involuntarily. “You what?”

Alex walks over, planting his feet in front of Luke, clapping a hand on Luke’s shoulder that isn’t holding his guitar strap up. “You’re clearly upset about this, Lucas. Tell him.”

Luke is shaking his head before Alex has even finished his sentence. “Not happening.” He folds his arms like a petulant child, but it loses its effectiveness when his guitar gets in the way, a sad thump echoing through the room. “I wouldn’t know what to say, anyway.”

Alex cocks an eyebrow with a pointed look at the notebook sitting on top of Luke’s amp. “I think you already said it.”

Luke follows his line of sight, eyes landing on the folded corner of a piece of paper sticking out from all the others. He already knows what’s written on it―has the words memorized by now. They were written on his heart long before he put them to the page, anyway.

Bobby bursts into the studio then, Reggie in tow, and the moment is broken. They’re laughing about something Bobby said, and Reggie is as beautiful as ever as he throws his head back, and Luke thinks that maybe one day he’ll get the courage to tell him how he feels. He’ll ask Alex to work with him on the music to go with his lyrics, maybe even get Bobby to help with the melody. He’ll throw rocks at Reggie’s window and serenade him from his front lawn like they do in the movies, and his friends will back him up, and it’ll be perfect.

For now, he needs to focus on perfecting the songs they already have. They’ve got a show at the Orpheum next summer to prepare for.

#posted this a week ago but i finally got around to putting it here too lmao #i still don't know if i like the formatting but whatever #anyway! i'm writing willex next <3 #jatp #julie and the phantoms #peterpatter #luke #reggie #alex #mine #fic

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animegenork · 4 years

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Digimon Adventure tri. ~ Character Songs + Analysis

I think too much. This is just the danger of being a Creative Writing major and a great lover of anime/fiction in general.

But I feel it is my duty to get purposely in too deep and get into the nitty-gritty of the character songs produced during the Tri era.

Because, when you think about it? There’s A LOT in them.

I ended up writing a lot, so all analyses are under the cut.

Chosen Children Compilation

Taichi/Tai ; Eien no Puzzle

Like all of these songs, Tai’s song is incredibly in-character for him. His song speaks of the adventure he’s found himself on ever since that fateful encounter years ago. His song doesn’t necessarily mention Agumon explicitly, except for one key line:

“I can go anywhere with you.”

Tai has always been constantly moving forward, even when reflecting on the past. Sometimes he doesn’t even think about where he’s going (”You don’t have to know where you’re going”), due to his impulsive nature, but in his eyes, going forward is the key to making it to tomorrow. (I know it’s cheesy. This is Digimon.) I’d like to think that despite his internal struggle throughout Tri, this song represents everything he learns by the end of it all.

I give Tai a lot of tough love about his impulsivity, but this song showcases the positive side to Tai’s almost consistent “let’s go and think about it later.” There’s nothing wrong with going into something without a plan, or without a lick of common sense, so long as the adventure turns out good in the end. (Didja catch that reference to “Butter-fly”?) Although the DigiDestined have gone through a lot, and being impulsive has sometimes turned out bad, the real adventure is spending time with those you care about. In Tai’s case, this means going and “adventuring” with Agumon. He’ll probably get lost along the way, but that’s the fun of it all! After all, the DigiDestined were lost the first time they went to the Digital World, but look at all they accomplished!

Life is a bit of an Eternal Puzzle, but going forward will get you to tomorrow. I don’t know about you all, but I’d follow Tai on his adventures!

Yamato/Matt ; Boku ni Totte

A good number of these songs directly match up with their human/Digimon partner’s, so naturally Matt’s would be the first to do so.

We may not always see it through Matt’s tough exterior (that he rarely lets down even as the years go by), but he has a great capacity for love in his heart. Gabumon is one of two characters we see him express this affection for (the other being T.K.) directly, and this song is entirely dedicated to his Digimon partner.

Multiple times throughout the various installments of Adventure, Matt finds himself separated from Gabumon. Hence the repeated “Don’t say goodbye” with the very clearly pained tone.

I think my favorite line would be this one: “You laughed a little when I said I wanted to become stronger and to protect you / But I thought it was still okay”. The beautiful thing about the human/Digimon bond is that one will always want to protect the other, even though one may be more capable of doing so. Matt’s desire to protect Gabumon most certainly stems from his protectiveness over T.K., but that doesn’t make it any less real.

Matt has a very intense love for Gabumon; his Digimon partner will always be close to his heart and soul. The “I need you” at the end of the song says it all. And it probably explains why this is the song I listen to most out of all of these.

Sora ; Yume no Kanau Basho

Sora’s had her moments of doubt and fear. Of course she has. But let’s not forget that for the most part, she remains optimistic and supportive with everyone in the group.

This song is about missing her Digimon, but it’s so optimistic about seeing her again, it’s hard to remember the pain involved.

The verses of the song seem to linger on good memories with Biyomon (”You stayed by my side when I felt hurt”) while the chorus discusses Sora’s desire to find the Digital World and meet up with Biyomon again (”No matter how far the future is / You and I are connected now”).

One of the most beautiful parts of the song is the verse before the second chorus.

“‘I’m sorry’ for how I’ve changed I wish you would always stay the same ‘Thank you’ with all of my heart I want to send you all of these feelings”

Sora changes a lot over the series, and lots of things change around her. The one constant, however, has been her love for Biyomon. These two are close in a way that the other partners aren’t, and that’s what I love about the series. No human/Digimon relationship is the same, although the forms of love are. The great thing about Sora and Biyomon is that we get to see in action what the others have emotionally/mentally. And that’s pretty much summed up in these two lines (which are my favorite in this song):

“If I could make only one wish It would be to stay with you from now on”

Koshiro/Izzy ; Kioku no Kakera -Koshiro Side-

We all know it; Izzy has never been the most in touch with his emotions. Hell, he can barely handle his crush on Mimi during Tri without turning into a mess. When he does get his emotions together, though, it’s usually because of Tentomon in some way, shape, or form.

Although Izzy’s song is not expressly about the Adventure as a whole or Tentomon entirely, we do see a bit of insight into how Izzy truly saw his connection with Digimon affairs. He reflects on the first time he met Tentomon (”Your body was small / When I met you”) and even ponders the future (”The future we spoke of making has disappeared”). What remains is him struggling to put to words how he feels about all of this.

“I don’t know why I am crying”

This line is pretty self-explanatory. Izzy will probably always struggle to completely connect reality with his emotions, but because he learned to love Tentomon, he’s also learned to love others and he’s slowly getting there. I love our boy genius to death. Even if emotions don’t make sense, what he does understand are connections, hence, “Always, With you, I always want to stay connected with you”

I must also point out this line: “When walls are closing in, you encourage me/ ‘That’s right’ ‘tell me more’ ‘try again’, over and over again”. In a world that didn’t understand how Izzy could be so embroiled in technology, Tentomon was always the one to encourage him, and for that, Izzy will always be grateful.

God, I love these two.

Mimi ; Go My Way

The very tone of this song is so Mimi, it’s almost painful.

It’s hard to tell who exactly Mimi is addressing in this song: the gang? Palmon? Meiko? Who can really say? Perhaps it’s all of them at once. Although it’s hard to tell, this song has very much the same feeling as Tai’s. There’s a very upbeat feeling to it, one about moving forward even when times are tough.

Mimi’s always struggled to handle the heavier parts of Digital affairs; she’s not a “heavy” person by nature. She kinda reveals this in-song (”I don’t know and I want to give up” ; “Don’t tell me that I don’t understand”), though. Her Crest, Sincerity (or Purity, but Sincerity’s always made more sense to me ANYWAY-), has helped her overcome this struggle bit by bit. You can see that in these lines:

“I want someone to live for” “I want to live by moving forward one step at a time without fear”

What I love about Mimi is that even though, on the surface, she keeps the superficiality, we know that she has always been in the process of becoming more genuine with others. She is the star of her own life, sure, but she knows she can’t do things alone. Now, she’s capable of apologizing for her own actions (”I’m so sorry for hurting you”), expressing love for those important to her (”I’m so glad to have met you”), and even accepting her own shortcomings (”Whether or not I realize how much of a miracle it is”). She’s grown a lot, and thanks to the reboot, we get to see her grow even more.

Jou/Joe ; I can’t

How much can I scream at one character?

Joe will always be the pessimist. There’s really no way he can’t be. He’ll always be the one to put other things before Digital World affairs, and that’s okay. He has priorities, just like we all do. Sometimes, I prioritize anime over sleep, and THAT’S OKAY TOO (unhealthy as it is).

We don’t necessarily see it in the series (even in Tri, it’s not expanded upon too heavily), but Joe does feel an incredible amount of guilt for not being there with the others on a constant basis. “Why can’t I just make up my mind?” ; “I wish I could make an excuse and pass like always / I feel like you will leave if I do…” ; “I’m not confident enough to do anything” are just a few lines that express his guilt/struggle with himself over this “abandonment” of his friends.

However, Joe does want to change. We see that clear as day in Tri and even in this song: “I sincerely want the strength to protect you too”. Gomamon is hella different from Joe, but that doesn’t stop them from loving each other. Gomamon will always be the one to bring him back, whether he wants him to or not. That is the power of the Joe/Gomamon team. Joe may not have faith in himself, but he’ll always have faith in Gomamon, and Gomamon will always feel the same about Joe.

“I don’t look back on the past I want us to keep living together like before I’m so glad to have met you I think I can be someone who speaks his heart I can’t help thinking of you all the time…”

Maybe Joe can fail the others, but he can never truly fail Gomamon.

Takeru/T.K. ; Kibou no Tsubasa

When did T.K. become this cutie pie with the fedora? WHEN. (I know when, don’t mind me.)

Similar to Sora, T.K. has always tried to be optimistic about things. But similar to Mimi, his comes out in this very idol-ish way.

This song is most definitely for Patamon, who has always been the cutest Digimon (to me, at least). T.K. and Patamon have always been close, and Patamon will always be incredibly important to him (”What is important to me is right here / Your smiling face here with me; I love you”). Ever since Devimon, T.K.’s protective streak with Patamon has been intense. We see that in 02, and we see it in Tri when Patamon gets Infected.

“I want to protect you forever and ever I wish I could capture your innocence I want to evolve from when I was a crybaby”

Even when T.K. grows up and knows that Patamon is technically the one to protect him, he wants to protect him. The T.K./Patamon dynamic is incredible in ways I can’t talk about without crying. They’re so fantastic, and the love they have for each other is beautiful to behold. No wonder T.K. says,

“I won’t lose you ever again”

Hikari/Kari ; Ring

Everything about Kari has always been hard for me to understand, and this song is no exception. (She has such a complex role, like damn.)

Like the others, this song is a message to her Digimon, but it’s a little less sentimental than we would normally expect from Kari. I think, for the most part, she reflects on her role as a DigiDestined and her dreams for peace between Digimon and humans. However, there is also her expressing how much she loves Gatomon: “My heart fears losing you as I wait for tomorrow.”

Kari’s always had a bit of an old soul. Even when she’s made of pure innocence, a part of her has always accepted the hard facts of life with grace. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t dwell too much on her fear of losing Gatomon. Obviously, she was completely shattered when it happened in Tri (indirectly), but that was probably because of the method by which it happened and her role in it.

I think the most powerful part of the song lies near the end, mostly because of its direct reference to Tri itself:

“Even if you have forgotten everything A sense of nostalgia will find you”

Kari will not be the last to reference the Digimon losing their memories, but the fact that she so casually brings up the hopefulness she felt in having Gatomon remember her again is so powerful. It speaks to the bond every pair of Digimon and humans have. And that is exactly what Kari’s always around for: demonstrating that bond.

Meiko ; Mebaeta Tsuyosa

Meiko’s song gives us the Meicoomon narrative in music format, and I actually really like it. This song speaks of the bond these two felt and how difficult Meiko finds it that her beloved partner has such an antagonistic role. It’s not the most positive of songs, but it does speak to the “I’d do anything for you” type of bond we see in just about every pair in this series.

“I felt like I knew everything about you, But the reality I knew has collapsed now”

Meiko had no way of knowing things would turn out the way they did, but she still felt an incredible guilt for something she did not cause at all. Though Meicoomon causes her plenty of pain (”You’ve given me courage, but also darkness”), Meiko cannot simply let go of the bond they have (”It will always be you and me / No matter what fate we are given”). In a way, it’s like a reverse Ken/Wormmon type of relationship.

It’s really too bad Meiko gets the flack she does for her role in this series. I found something rather relatable in her, and I liked her dynamic with Mimi especially. Her bond with Meicoomon is one that the rest of the DigiDestined related to, and that was why they wanted to help her. The bond between the two Mei’s isn’t something to sneeze at; it’s quite beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. This song puts that bond into more perspective.

“I’m sure the bond between us will never change Only I can quietly tell you that now forever”

Digimon Compilation

Agumon ; Agumon SUNba

There is absolutely nothing sentimental about this song and it remains perfect in every way.

Agumon! The ever hungry dinosaur! What better song for him to have than one where he talks about how hungry he is!

I love this song for how purely Agumon it is. We see how Tai has to deal with how hungry his partner is, while also seeing a sillier side to the little dinosaur that I, for one, love to joke about.

Not everything in Digimon needs to have a heavier undertone, and Agumon here just proves it.

Gabumon ; Kimi ni Totte

We see a lot of Matt’s perspective on things, but sometimes, we don’t hear enough of Gabumon. Personally, I think this song gives us all the perspective we need on the Gabu/Matt front. Like damn.

Gabumon has seen a lot of sides to Matt. He is witness to a lot of Matt’s softer and gentler moments, which is always fantastic to see. Although Matt without his harder outer shell wouldn’t be Matt, there’s a part of Gabumon that hopes he continues being gentle and kind in his own little way (”I want your gentle sound to continue, always”).

What I like about this song is that’s it’s a direct response to Matt’s “Don’t say goodbye” - he directly says “This is not goodbye,” which I’m sure Gabumon knows is the exact phrase Matt is looking for. Matt wants to know that Gabumon won’t leave him, and Gabumon makes sure to tell him that that will never happen.

Matt will always try to keep to himself, even though he trusts Gabumon (”Though you wouldn’t tell me how lonely you were”). Gabumon sees this, and while he accepts it, he wants Matt to know that they’re still a team (”I want to be able to run anywhere you will let me”).

Like Kari, Gabumon makes a very blatant reference to the memory loss that still makes me cry a bit:

“If you ever happen to forget everything about me I promise I will meet you again”

OKAY, GABUMON. MAKE ME CRY. IT’S FINE.

Gabumon has always been a calming force, but it’s nice to see him exhibit such strong emotions in regards to his partner. We know he has them, but it’s nice nonetheless. And of course he says “I need you” at the end of the song, which is the same thing Matt said. Even though they express their emotions differently, Matt and Gabumon have such an intense connection to each other, and they acknowledge without pause how much they need each other in their lives. They are a powerful force, even in music.

Piyomon/Biyomon ; Heart wo Sagase

Am I surprised that both Sora and Biyomon make reference to the sky and rainbows in their songs? Of course not. That’s just their way.

Both songs relay a search for “something,” whether it’s the “land of dreams” or “the heart”. Biyomon has a lot less sentimentality, but then, Biyomon has never been one to dwell on the sad side of their relationship. She’s always been a little more positive than even Sora, and we see that here.

Still, Biyomon does mention their connection (”Let’s hold hands to stick together”), and, in general, it’s a sweet song that embodies Biyomon’s heart. Which explains a lot, since the song is called “Search for the Heart.”

I don’t have much to say about this song, but I will admit, at first hear, I thought it was Sora singing and not Biyomon. Very interesting.

Tentomon ; Kioku no Kakera -Tentomon Side-

What I love about this song is that Tentomon isn’t really singing in the traditional sense. But then, he doesn’t need to.

This entire song is dedicated to Izzy. It tells us just how concerned Tentomon is for Izzy and his hardworking ways. He spends an entire verse telling Izzy to take care of himself, ending it with, “You’re my important partner / It’s natural that I’m worried about you.”

Tentomon has always been more in touch with emotions than Izzy, but he doesn’t fault his partner for it. In fact, it’s what makes them so compatible. He has such faith in Izzy (”Koushiro-han will succeed”), and he doesn’t want Izzy to ever lose faith in himself (”Don’t you see what a great person you are?” ; “It’s no good for you to give up hope”). Their connection truly is special; no wonder I started a side-blog dedicated to Tentomon.

Tentomon is the THIRD character to reference lost memories, which is interesting in an of itself:

“Even if I forget everything I can start over again from the beginning”

I’ve noticed when the Digimon discuss this, they’re very optimistic about their connection with their partner. Kari, meanwhile, was a bit neutral on the topic but still somewhat positive. Very interesting.

Palmon ; Blooming your Heart

Palmon does not directly address Mimi like Tentomon addresses Izzy, but the message remains the same.

Palmon and Mimi’s relationship has always been tinged with more sweetness than the others’, in my eyes. They exist to make each other smile and grow stronger in heart. (”I’ll make you smile more and more, whoa~”) I especially love how Palmon mentions Mimi’s famous hat: “And that ten-gallon hat forever, my heart with you”

Still, there is the presence of comfort between these two. Palmon will always be there for Mimi (”If your pain won’t wither and pain blooms, I’ll be by your side“) and will always treasure her, no matter what. It’s the same for the other Digimon, for sure, but Palmon’s love for Mimi is, somehow, more pure than the others, and that’s what’s lovely about it.

“Because you are my world, my best garden”

Gomamon ; You can

Like Gabumon’s, Gomamon’s song is a direct response to Joe.

Gomamon has always known how different he and Joe are (”We may fight, but we laugh a lot too”), and in some ways, their relationship is rougher than the others - when they argue, it lasts longer than the others’ arguments with their partners. Yet despite all this, Gomamon understands Joe in a way I don’t think even Joe does. (”But I understand you / You have to go your own way”) Gomamon accepts Joe for who he is; a prime example is this verse here:

“I think that’s just the way you are You have a gentle presence But you only show it to me I don’t mind it being that way”

Even though he understands and loves Joe, Gomamon still expresses frustration at Joe’s hesitance when it comes to involving himself in the various Adventures (”You can, so when are you going to stand up?”). Gomamon knows for a fact Joe can do anything he sets his mind to, but anxiety always holds him back. And therein lies the most important line of the song:

“But I don’t want you to forget that you are not alone”

Gomamon knows he can; Joe says he can’t. In some ways, both are right. But I think Gomamon will always be right to push Joe to step outside and face those fears of his.

Patamon ; Daisuki-ism

This is the absolute cutest song ever. This one and Agumon’s have my heart wrapped around their notes.

I don’t have much to say about this song either, as it’s pretty direct. Patamon loves T.K. a whole damn lot, and this song is such a sweet song dedicated to their relationship.

T.K.’s lucky to have Patamon. He so genuinely loves his partner that he’s not afraid to say it, and he’s not afraid to protect him, no matter the cost.

“When you’re happy you show it with your cheeks You always make me smile Every time you hold me I won’t forget that wonderful feeling”

Tailmon/Gatomon ; Together as one

Gatomon has always been more quietly sentimental about her relationship with Kari, and this song is no different.

Because of the nature of their meeting, Gatomon loves Kari in a very gentle way. They met under trying circumstances, and Kari gave her a love she wasn’t used to. Yet together, they lost someone important (Wizardmon), and from then on, they seemed almost closer than a lot of the other partner pairs.

In fact, unless I’m mistaken, Gatomon makes a reference to Wizardmon in the song: “I miss holding hands with my beloved friend”. This could, of course, be a reference to Kari, but I’d like to think that Gatomon never has Wizardmon far from her mind.

In any case, Gatomon’s song is sentimental in a way Kari’s isn’t, and it’s a nice balance between the two. There’s direct reference to a “light,” which surely means Kari’s Crest (”I can believe in the light” ; “I believe the light will guide us towards a bright future”). Gatomon also mentions a “warmth,” which she feels when she’s around Kari, which makes sense, since Myotismon never gave her any such warmth.

Kari’s song mentions nostalgia; I think, in some ways, she was referring to Gatomon. This song has a very nostalgic feel to it, especially in the last line:

“Let’s go back to the time where we can smile together again”

I think sometimes even Gatomon forgets that she is capable of very strong sentimentality and nostalgia. It’s very nice to see in a show like Digimon.

Meicoomon ; Ura-omote Crossroad

I think what we often forget is how much pain Meicoomon was in throughout Tri. She didn’t want to cause all the trouble and pain that she did; she was not in control. This song gives us insight into her hopelessness and how Meiko was the only thing that could really lead her back to a Digimon version of sanity.

Meiko deeply loved Meicoomon, and Meicoomon felt exactly the same way. They’re a very sweet duo, and while their existence in general is a topic of debate in the Digimon fandom, I think it was very interesting to see. Considering all the original eight were wholly good, and so were their partners (you know, despite past hiccups), it was nice to see one of them purposely being an antagonist in spite of their partner’s alignment.

Anyway. In this song, we see Meicoomon’s struggle to stay true to herself and her relationship with Meiko (”I can’t escape them, but I don’t want to lose you / I can’t separate the light from shadow”) as well as her own inner turmoil with everything happening to her (”What should I do if I’m left here all alone?”).

The true point of this song is that Meicoomon was lost and looking for Meiko during the entirety of Tri. She wanted nothing more than to find her way back to her, but of course, that wasn’t up to her. Meicoomon desires nothing more than to be with Meiko, but those of us who have seen Tri know that she doesn’t get to see that through. Still, she can’t help but say:

“Let’s keep smiling forever”

Tri always gave me a lot of feels, but somehow, Meicoomon gives me more of them than I ever think at first glance. So kudos to Meicoomon for being one of those characters that frustrates me as well as makes me cry.

-------

So this turned out longer than expected, but there it is. Some of these are more tangent-y than I meant, but that’s the way I analyze, I guess. At least I’ve got my thinking cap on, right...?

I highly recommend both “compilations”! I personally listen to “Boku ni Totte”, “Kimi ni Totte”, and “Kibou no Tsubasa” a lot, but I’ve been listening to “Yume no Kanau Basho” a lot lately. “Agumon SUNba” and “Daisuki-ism” are, of course, classics, but the rest are gems in their own right as well!

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secret-engima · 4 years

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The Stand Strong Glaive are probably my favorite people to fling at various universes and watch the chaos, because I just imagined them meeting their canon counterparts. SS!Insomnia is a Fear, because the hit and run experts have cloned themselves into tanks. Canon!Glaives have no idea what to do with this, pls send help. That’s, that’s not how the culture works? What, what song is that? Why, why screaming? Why quadrapedal? How Jungle in Insomnia?

Pffft this has just made my day. This is awesome. So glad I’m not the only one who does this.

-The Canon!Glaives have NO IDEA how to handle this. What do you mean “scent”? What are “secondary genders”? WHY THE DAEMON NOISES?????

-I’m honestly not sure if it would be funnier for the C!Glaives to go to AU or for SS!Glaives to go to canon but I’m leaning toward the latter for the hilarity. Just- SS!Regis and Noctis and Clarus and Cor are there too (and Amissa obviously) and the Confusion is Real for everyone involved.

-At one point SS!Regis gets too stressed (BECAUSE EVERYONE HERE IS SCENTLESS. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT SECONDARY GENDERS ARE. REGIS IS NOT GIVING HIS COUNTERPART THE TALK THANK YOU) So SS!Titus just- instinctively goes into Pack Dad mode, picks him up and carts him off to the nearest couch or whatever and starts purring. 0.05 seconds after SS!Titus has sat down with SS!Regis, the other nearby glaives have flocked over and are essentially puppy piling the king while purring like chainsaws. In the stunned, moderately horrified and confused silence that follows from the C!Cast, SS!Regis just sighs and says from amid the cluster, “Yes. This is normal. No, I’m not explaining why. It’s a Galahdian habit I believe.”

-All the C!Glaives would like it to be known that in THEIR universe this is NOT a Galahdian Thing thank you.

-SS!Glaives get antsy in this other dimension with nothing to do, C!Glaives make the eternal mistake of agreeing to like- a team based sparring match or capture the flag or something, because they’re all glaives here, the playing field should be even right?

-It’s not even. Not even close. All the SS!Glaives are confused on why the C!Glaives keep trying to frontal assault and tank things and the C!Glaives are internally (and externally) screaming because WHERE ENEMY. ENEMY GONE. WHY SCREAMING NOISES FROM BEHIND AND ABOVE??????

-Amissa laughs at them all, because Lovable Morons.

-Amissa kisses SS!Cor in front of everyone, C!Cor.exe has stopped working pls reboot.

-None of the SS!Glaives like C!Titus. They can’t for the life of them explain why, but actually its the scent of the Glauca armor under his skin that they’re smelling and is tripping every danger-danger-DANGER switch in their heads. This includes SS!Titus.

-C!Cast’s first introduction to scents and secondary genders is probably not the Purring Thing, it’s probably C!Titus getting too close to SS!Regis (who’s hackles are also up internally but he’s good at hiding it and used to dealing with people whose scent he dislikes) and SS!Titus just- Going Nuts. Ever seen a dog just- GO for something in a MUrDeR sort of way? The deep feral snarling and body slamming and snapping teeth warningly in the face? Yeah. That. That’s what happens. SS!Titus has C!Titus against the wall in a SECOND, his teeth guard thing in his mouth straight from armiger, his snarl deep and bass as a REALLY mad Behemoth, jaws snapping dangerously close to C!Titus’s throat in warning as he pins his counterpart to the wall.

-Naturally all the SS!Glaives react to their Captain Pack Dad’s fury and crowd around, snapping and chattering and cackling in furious warning that raises all the hair on the C!Cast’s neck while they frantically try to figure out how to react to all their counterparts seemingly losing their mind in sync.

-SS!Regis knows this is going to turn into a bloodbath fast if he doesn’t do something (he can see the C!Glaives gearing up to try to rescue their Captain) and so he sheds Royal Restraint, flares his scent enough for attention and roars, a wordless, draconic command for the SS!Glaives to Back Off Now.

-They do, grudgingly and with much disgruntled hissing and poor SS!Regis spends the next ten minutes calming his Glaives while C!Titus retreats with wide eyes and shaking hands and the C!Cast just go WHAT? W H A T??????

-SS!Regis does in fact end up giving the Talk to his counterpart and rest of the C!Cast, he wants to go retire with a nice glass of wine to wallow in his embarrassment thank you.

-In complete contrast to the Near Murder, the instant C!Noctis (just a kiddo) enters the scene wondering what all the noise is, SS!Noctis yips and bounds over in greeting. They get along like a house on fire. SS!Noctis drags C!Noctis over to SS!Titus and before C!Regis can get TOO close to a heart attack because FERAL TITUS NEAR BBY, SS!Titus just- plops down on the floor with the boys, purring softly and indulging in their chatter and letting them climb all over him. Total contrast to the Deadly Feral Looks he keeps shooting C!Titus every time the man gets too close.

-The Nyx’s meet. It’s a match made in Libertus’s nightmares. Both of them. Pls help they have two Warptastic morons to deal with now and one of them is Feral.

-Amissa finds all of this Extremely Entertaining because her sense of humor was permanently warped about ten dimensions ago so this is popcorn worthy to her.

-Everybody picture SS!Noctis seriously explaining to C!Noctis how to Warp Pounce and why it is good. Everybody picture C!Regis’s face when he realizes his son, despite not having any of this “secondary gender” strangeness, is being successfully taught how to purr. And give a distress scream that sounds just like a horrible daemon rising from the abyss. Amplified by magic.

-Someone help him he’s going to lose his mind.

-Counterpart why you so calm???? What you MEAN THIS IS NORMAL?????

-SS!Clarus is like- the only one of the entire SS!Cast who can sympathize with the C!Cast’s wild eyed confusion. Because SS!Regis is just- accustomed to this insanity now and SS!Cor was the first of the adults to get folded into the SS!Glaive’s ways.

-Heaven help the assassin that tries anything while this is going down. C!Nyx is impressed with his counterpart, that was good hunting (even if the screeching and the eerie hunting songs were more than a little creepy, but psychological warfare right? And it worked). Hey can you teach him that warp pounce thing?

-SS!Nyx is happy to do just that. C!Libertus makes a faint gargling noise of despair.

#SE asks #anon asks #Stand Strong Verse #Secret Engima Rambles

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vvivacious101 · 3 years

Text

Unity

So, predictably seven minutes into a Supernatural episode and I’m screaming at the screen.

I have watched this episode twice in quick succession and it just hit so hard both times. I was not expecting that, i thought we would wait till the next episode to bring out the waterworks but oh no, Supernatural was like we are going to catch you so unprepared.

I was convinced that the plan would fail in 15x18 and then we would pick ourselves up and get the happy ending we deserve but oh no, Supernatural is not going to let us off the hook that easy.

The plan has already failed that means the next episode is the picking ourselves up part and we already know that episode ends in a blackout, so I can already tell that these last few episodes are going to be emotional bombs and we aren’t getting out of any one alive.

This entire week was just a long waiting period to finally being able to watch this episode and it’s just going to get harder each time, like this is it the final 21 days.

I don’t know how it can get any worse but I know it will.

This episode started with the punches and then just didn’t stop, like one after the other, the punches kept rolling in. This episode is divided into three parts Amara, Dean and Sam and that’s how I’ll begin to cover it.

Amara realizes that Chuck is back and warns Sam and Dean but then goes on to convince Chuck to let this last world remain and she tries but when he doesn’t get convinced she traps him in the bunker, till Sam and Dean can cage him.

But, just as Jack the metaphysical supernova approaches Chuck shows her his hand, he tells her this was all his plan and he can’t believe Sam and Dean think they can kill him which is when Amara interrupts him saying they only want to cage him not kill him and the plot pretty much unravels from there on out.

In the beginning of the episode, we have Amara offering Chuck balance but on this world and in the end we have Chuck offering Amara balance in the next universe they create before he absorbs her. At one point, I was wondering if this was just more of Chuck’s betrayal but then I realized that Amara told Dean that when they split a new universe is created so Chuck is presently all primed for a hard reboot.

There is this scene between Jack and Amara where she regrets not getting to know him better and she tells him that they should do so once this is all over and Jack who knows she won’t survive the end just looks away and then gives her a faint smile, like I don’t know who I felt worse for in that instance.

The most difficult part of this episode is Dean, like he was the one I was screaming at, at the said seven minutes because he is literally out of control, like I can tell how badly all this affecting him because he is literally coming undone. This is nothing like the Dean we know and he just straight up rejects Jack as his family and that’s just not true but Dean doesn’t even realize it.

Then later on in the episode he thanks Jack for what he is doing because Dean needs him to do this because that is the only way Dean will be free, which gives you an idea of where he is mentally but it was still such a shitty thing to do, when is Dean going to tell Jack that he doesn’t need to sacrifice himself for them because he doesn’t and because he’s family and they look out for family.

Things really come to a head when Sam is trying to stop Dean from getting Jack to the room holding Chuck and Amara and for once, it really felt like Chuck might just get his way but then in the second most emotional scene of the episode, we get Sam and Dean and Sam convinces Dean to step aside and he does to Chuck’s eternal frustration but that scene was like teary eyes all throughout.

Lastly, we have Sam who uncovers the fact that Billie is all set to occupy the power vacuum Chuck’s death will create and in this world everything ends up where it belongs. Also, Jack learns that this plan to kill God is actually masterminded by Adam and Serafina, which basically is just another entry on the long list of God’s creation who now want to see him dead.

But, what the end of this episode reveals is that this plan is a complete bust and now Sam, Dean and Cas get to watch Jack die for nothing like there literally is no worse punishment. They should have stopped him but they couldn’t and know they get to watch him die fro nothing, like the next episode is going to be swimming in guilt. But, the fact that Cas is happy gives me faith that Jack will make it, if Empty can only take Cas when he allows himself to be happy, Jack being safe and sound is practically a prerequisite for it. Although, if Cas’ Empty deal is coming to fruition next episode, it would certainly be poetic what with Jack’s death literally book-ending the event.

Also, when Sam asks Dean the question “what about me”, I just couldn’t get over how many times he looks back towards Cas in that entire conversation.

Anyhow, the next episode is going to be a killer, I really should find myself a promo of it to torture myself some more. Until next time!

PS - Also I can’t believe I forgot this but Chuck cofirming that Cas has been the eternal spanner in the works made my day, that’s why this version of the story is different because Cas was different then every other version of himself. Also, I don’t think I can get over Chuck blaming his own creation.

#supernatural #spn #spn 15x17 #unity #supernatural season 15 #sam #dean #cas #chuck #amara #jack #adam #serafina #empty #myposts

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wtfgaylittlezooid · 4 years

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Okay- it’s really out of my comfort to post writing here. I’m not confident at all with my writing skills, especially since I struggle with grammar and writing too fast.

And it’s even more out of my comfort to post for my BMCxJTHM AU. I’m not proud of it in the slightest, but I just want to write something. Aight, all of that out of the way, heres the basic summary:

Devi wakes up in her apartment with a killer hangover, and suprisingly, no Nny. The last thing she remembers is going to a friends party with Tenna, who Devi finds sitting on the couch waiting for her to wake up on the couch. Tenna explains the events of the night, and Devi is furious.

It was very warm and cozy in Devi’s bed. With two blankets piled on top of her, and Devi wrapping her arms around a second pillow, as if it were a second person, she never wanted to get up. The soft and nice warmth of this haven filled her body with a very nice and comfortable feeling.

That is, until a headache had awoken this sleeping beauty. She kept her eyes closed, but still cringed and held the pillow tighter at the pain that had disturbed her peace. Why me? She thought internally, baring her teeth a little at nothing in discomfort. Silence kept the atmosphere in her small room heavy.

Huh. That was new. No witty comment? No nagging or insult to how I should sleep in a better position? Still only silence answered her thoughts. Dahm, you’ve never been silent before, Nny. It’s nice, but come on. Start up. Only the very faint and muffled sounds of her neighbours going about their daily lives, along with the wind brushing against the tree’s branches answered her. Along with a new sound, she’s never noticed.

Static. Just a very quiet and faint static that seemed to just play in the background, like how music is played during movie scenes. Devi tried once more. Start up. Nothing but the same noises answered. Johnny, I couldn’t have broken you already I’ve only had you for a fucking week. Start up you lazy asshole. Nothing. Dahm it.

Might as well get up and talk this over with Tenna, she figured. She dropped the pillow (regrettably, it was a nice cuddle buddy), and slowly shoved the blankets off her. The breeze hit her skin and made her shiver a little. Why did it have to be so dahm cold in this building.

She sat up, a bit too suddenly then a person with a hangover should, because immeadiatly her head protested against the sudden movement and spiked the pain. Ow- fuck. The static got a little louder too, but quickly died down with the sudden pain. Not fully gone, but back in the background with the headache. Weird.

Slowly, this time, she stood up, her legs wobbling as she fought with balance for a short moment. She quickly won the battle, but sadly not with her head, and stomach. Dahm when did her stomach start hurting too? I need some fucking water. She groaned a little as she stretched, hearing the satisfying sound (and feeling), of her bones popping.

After the nice stretch, she started slowly making her way to her door (which wasn’t too far. Her apartment was kinda crappy), and using the wall for a little extra balance. Devi waiting for Nny to start nagging her about her posture and how using the wall would make her weaker. However it never came. She kind of missed it in a weird way. It was nice, hearing peaceful sounds for once, but she likes it when it’s in her control.

Startup.

Nothing.

God, what even happened last night? She could barely remember anything. How much did she drink? Did she even drink? The last thing she good remember clearly was chatting in the car with Tenna, excited to see some old friends, and nothing afterward. Doesn’t matter. Tenna can fill me in on the details later.

After what felt like eons of walking to a door that get getting further like in some horror film, she was able to grip the doorknob and open the door. She basically flung it open, and wobbled out. The first thing she noticed, after being blinded by the living room light and getting her vision back by the “holy light”, was Tenna sitting on her couch with that skeleton toy, she wasn’t even going to try to remember it’s name. What the hell was she doing there?

“Oh my god, you’re alive,” Tenna teased, squeaking the toy twice with a impish smile on her face. “Yeah- yeah. Please get me a glass of water, I feel like I got hit by a truck,” Devi exaggerated. She just really wanted the glass.

“All right,” Tenna said, getting up and going to Devi’s kitchen, getting her friend a glass of water. Slowly. She was doing this as slow as possible. “I’m honestly not suprised you feel like that, Dev. Jesus, last night was a night.” She told Devi, laughing at the end of the sentence. Devi rolled her eyes and wobbled towards the couch, nearly collapsing onto it.

Bad move. The headache spiked at the fall, the static following it. “Ugh-“ Devi groaned, raising her arms to rub her temples to try and calm the headache. Eventually, Tenna got the glass of cold water, and walked her way to Devi.

“PLEASE, just hurry up!” Devi nearly shouted. She really wasn’t in the mood for Tenna to be taking her sweet time. “I’ll be there in time,” Tenna teased, but sped up and handed Devi the glass. Devi muttered a quiet thanks, and downed the whole glass within seconds.

“You need some medicine?” Tenna asked. “YES. God I haven’t felt this horrible since.. well since that fucking computer entered,“ Devi complained. Tenna chuckled a little, and tossed the toy to Devi. “You can squeak him if you want. It makes me feel better sometimes,” Tenna smiled at Devi, then went to grab some Advil for her.

Devi “caught” the toy, or more likely it landed on her stomach and she just grabbed it. Spooky. That’s was it’s name. How could she even forget that? Devi, after checking to make sure Tenna left the room to grab some medicine from the bathroom, gave Spooky a soft squeak. It was a little relaxing, but her aching head and stomach still remained.

Startup. It was worth another try.

Nothing.

Devi stared at the popcorn ceiling, squeaking the toy a few times as she tried to remember the events of last night. Tenna had picked her up, of course still carrying Spooky with her, and then they started to drive to the party. They were listening to music, what kind Devi wasn’t even going to try to remember, and chatting. It was the happiest Devi felt in a while, and even Nny was agreeing about how this was gonna be good for Devi. But, everything after getting out of the car was a blur.

Tenna snapping her fingers in front of Devi’s face obnoxiously, pulled her out of the memories. “Hellooo? Devi!” She said, holding two pills in her hand that wasn’t snapping. “Huh-“ Devi said, jumping a little in shock. “Dude, you spaced out and I was trying to give you the medicine for like a minute.” Tenna explained. “Oh. Well, sorry about that. Thanks for the medicine though,” Devi said in neither an apologetic or thankful tone.

REBOOTING...

About fucking time.

CURRENTLY AT 3%.

Wow. Are you kidding me.

Devi dry swallowed the pills, not wanting to wait another eternity on Tenna. Devi spread her arms and legs all over the couch, in an attempt to get comfortable. Now it just felt hot in the apartment. “So-“ Devi started, catching the attention of Tenna who was sitting on the armrest of the opposite side of the couch now.

“What the fuck happened last night,” Devi asked, not even trying to be polite. She didn’t care about that she just wanted to know.

“A lot. We got at the party and you immeadiatly went to the bar, because you saw whatever-her-name-was.” Tenna explained, Devi nodding and listening carefully. She didn’t want to forget this time.

REBOOTING. CURRENTLY AT 27%

I’m aware asshole.

“She managed to convince you to drink from what I remember, and I left you so I could do the shit I wanted.”

“Great explanation,” Devi laughed.

“I’m not finished,” Tenna laughed back.

REBOOTING. CURRENTLY AT 43%

Just be quiet until you’re done.

“But when I came BACK. You were were drunk out of your MIND. You could barely stand and we’re trying, very poorly might I add, to open a can of gasoline. Oh and you also had one of their fucking kitchen KNIVES. You saw me and kept babbling about Nny, about what he was explaining and if I would help. I literally had to babysit you until you blacked out,” Tenna said, sounding a mix of aggravated and annoyed as she told the story.

“Excuse me-“ Devi said, laughing awkwardly and nervously. She had no idea to reply to that. “You gotta be joking Te-“

“I’m not. You really freaked me out, Dev,” Tenna said, giving Devi a cold and serious stare. Very rare from her.

REBOOTING COMPLETE. NOW ONLINE.

“About time you’re back, asshole! What the fuck is Tenna talking about?!” Devi nearly shouted, getting Tenna to flinch and stare in confusion. It took Tenna a moment to realize, but she did. She watched as a bunch of neon blue and transparnent particles appeared and built together to form Nny.

“She’s not lying. Seeing your memories from last night, she’s telling the truth.” Nny said, a calm yet tired voice. Could computers get tired? Whatever, that didn’t matter. “Then WHAT THE FUCK were you trying to make me do?!” Devi raged, her face turning red and her hands turning into fists, nearly crushing poor Spooky. “Looking back on the memories- I was trying to... holy shit— I was attempting to get you to burn the place down and maybe even stab some people-“ Nny explained, cringing at what he read.

“WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING THAT? I THOUGHT YOUR PURPOSE WAS TO HELP ME.” Devi fumed. “It is. I TRIED telling you alcohol breaks me, but you didn’t LISTEN. Remember that?!” Great, now Nny was yelling too. And a voice inside Devi’s head that was screaming wasnt helping the headache. “Actually I don’t recall that. I dont remember you speaking a dahm word after we walked through that door.”

“You ladies done arguing?” Tenna joked, obviously annoyed. She couldn’t hear Nny, but she’s gotten pretty good at picking up on Devi’s and Nny’s conversations. Devi looked at her, face still red from pure rage. Tenna responded with dramatically crossing her arms, and lifting an eyebrow. She was trying to look all serious, but Devi couldn’t help but snort and then burst into laughter.

Tenna felt a smile prick at her lips, and soon enough she was bending over laughing as well. God, the laughing really didn’t help the headache, but it obviously helped Devi’s mood. Devi had no idea how long they were laughing for. It could’ve been seconds, minutes, maybe even hours, but eventually it started to slowly end. Tenna wiped a single tear from her eye, as her chuckles went to silence, and Devi held her stomach and her laughter turned to groans of pain.

“How’s your head?” Tenna asked, after having to take a deep breath after laughing so hard, a smile still remained on her face. “Say it’s fine.” Nny instructed, not being serious but this time just playing around. “Oh god- it hurts worse now,” Devi chuckled a little. “Dahm it,” Nny chuckled.

“Hold on-“ Devi nearly shouted, this time not sounding angry, but sounding suprised with the smile on her face growing bigger.

“Huh-“ Tenna asked, confused, but then watched as Devi pointed to nothing. Wait- not nothing. She was pointing at Nny. Jesus this is still confusing.

“Did you just laugh?”

“NO.”

“WHAT,” Tenna said, shouting and starting to chuckle a bit more now.

“Holy shit you did!” Devi started to laugh again, but not from humor, more of like she had just caught someone in the act. “Wrong. I am a computer I can’t feel emotions. You cant just humanize me, Dev-“ Nny started, his face starting to turn a shade of red.

“Well I think I humanized you a long ass time ago when I gave you the name “Johnny” you bastard. I heard you laugh and I want to hear it again.” Devi said, still pointing at him.

“Devi there better be a way of you being able to upload that to some sort of computer I want to hear what it sounds like!” Tenna said, excitement filling her voice.

“You aren’t missing out on much, Tenna,” Devi smirked, then giving a devilish look at Nny. “All it sounded like was a hyena choking on a toa-“

She got cut off by a quick shock in her back, she flinched hard and straightened her posture (out of habit). However it wasn’t one of the “fixing” ones. It felt like someone pricked her in the back with a needle very lightly. Just enough to suprise her. She looked over at Nny, who was frowning dramatically and crossing his arms, his face beet red.

Devi snorted again. “Embarrassed, noodle boy?” Devi teased, not caring how immature the nickname was. Tenna, whos expression was originally one of slight worry once Devi got shocked, changed to the mishevious expression to match Devi’s. She was very entertained by this, even if she couldn’t see nor hear Nny.

“I can’t be embarrassed. I’m an AI.”

“If you can’t be embarrassed and you’re just ‘an AI’, explain why you’re blushing like that?” Devi teased, resulting in a very shocked Tenna.

“WHAT-“ she basically shrieked.

Nny looked shocked, and opened his mouth to talk, but then closed it. His face shifted to shock, to embarrassment, then finally frustration. He growled a little, and stomped his foot. The second it made contact with the ground, he exploded into the blue particles and disappeared.

“Well he’s gone,” Devi snorted and looked at Tenna, amusement and pride on her face. First argument she won against him. It felt nice.

#idk how to end these #my writing #fanfic #short fic #jthm #johnny the homicidal maniac #johnny c #devi d #jthm nny #jthm devi #jthm tenna #jthm fic #jthm au #jthm squipped au

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italicwatches · 5 years

Text

The Good Place, season 2 - Episode 11

Okay. I am fed, I have done all of my Thanksgiving shopping prep, my house is full of food for the rest of the week, and my feet are killing me. I have finally caught us up on both platforms by outright skipping a day Tumblr-side, so now, all together, let’s see what happens. It’s The Good Place, season 2, episode 11! Here we GO!

We begin in an empty, silent room…And then there’s four people’s worth of screaming as the whole crew comes flailing out of one of the portals, and Chidi wants to know what happens to the vomit he expelled in that portal, does it just float out there forever? Is someone going to run into it? And WHERE IS MICHAEL?

-…Michael’s…Michael’s not coming. He was short a badge, the suits were coming, so he slammed his onto Eleanor and threw her in. The last thing she saw was Shawn getting his hands on him…

-And the portal seals up behind them. They’re doing this solo. Whatever’s going to happen, they’re going to make it happen. And…There’s a desk in front of them. A desk, with a burrito on it. And nothing else.

-And Jay suddenly wonders if the burrito is the Judge. Which, on the one hand, sounds weird. On the other hand, name one limit to the weirdness they’ve seen that stops short of “all-knowing burrito”. …So that’s how Eleanor finds herself introducing herself to a wrapped foodstuff.

-Which, I’m gonna be real, is not what I expected when I started this series way back when.

-Also it turns out that this is not the Judge, this is the Judge’s lunch. And the Judge is awfully…Casual.

-Chapter 25!

-And then she learns that they pulled a sneaky. And she’s kind of into Chidi. But also, some casual clothes, we learn the portals seal up entirely until she issues a judgment when there’s a case afoot, and also that she is not true omniscient and also she can’t hear the case goodbye.

-…No.

-Also the Judge is really into Tahani’s accent.

-Anyways, she she’s willing to hear them out because, real talk, she is bored. Let’s do it!

-Meanwhile, Shawn has dragged Michael back to his office and what went wrong, Michael? How did you fuck up your one job and betray them all?!

-Oh, give it up, Shawn. You don’t actually care. Besides, they’re in front of the Judge right now, so it’s out of your hands…And as for Janet, you’ll never find her.

-Bad Janet found her and marbled her off screen.

-FUCK

-YOU MONSTER

-Back to the Judge. She’s going to give each of them an individualized test…And Eleanor immediately wants to stand with her crew. They only got this far together. They succeed together, or fail together. …That is such a bad plan, Eleanor, but okay.

-So who’s first? Jay. In front of you is a game loaded with Madden 18. You have to play against the Jaguars, using their fiercest rivals, the Tennessee Titans. And before he even knows what he’s supposed to do, he is desperately playing the game.

-Over to Tahani’s test. We learn the Judge is named Gen, short for Hydrogen. And all she has to do is walk through this door, down the hallway, and through the red door at the end. And every single room will have someone in it discussing their true opinion about you.

-From childhood friends, to staff, to spa employees…

-Back to Michael, who’s laying everything out, and why the reboots were made. And what he found was…Ultimately, their data is wrong. The whole Good Place/Bad Place idea is based on a static idea of people, that they’re fundamentally Good or Bad and incapable of hopping to the other side. But every reboot that lasted long enough to have anything happen, had them find each other, help each other, and get better.

-And they have become good people. Shawn doubts it. And decides they’re done here, time to take Michael away.

-Back with Gen. Who has a combo test for Eleanor and Chidi. Each go into their rooms, and…

-Come out the other side of the room. Surprise, you two are good to go! Wait, what? Yeah. You two earned it through all of your tireless work. Here, have your Good Place medallions, and there’s the door. You can go whenever you like.

-So they’re excited, so very thrilled, amazed and awed, and thrilled for each other…And that’s when they learn that Tahani and Jay aren’t being tested to get in, they’re being tested to see how far down the Bad Place they’re going. They’re definitely not in. …This is your chance to cut them loose and send, guys. Now she’s gonna go finish that burrito she started in on.

-Leaving Eleanor and Chidi to figure out what to do. Theory A: This is their test. Tahani and Jay must’ve gotten the same offer in those rooms, and whoever cracks first and cuts the other couple loose, loses. That would be fiendish—

-Nope, they did not. Here, she’ll show you. Tahani has to get all the way down the hallway and not be tempted by her gossiping friends and associates. Jay is just playing video games.

-…Oh.

-You have al little hot sauce on your chin.

-Technically it’s a sauce made of envy, but same deal. Thanks!

-So…Chidi’s in a real mess. If this isn’t a test, then it’s…A choice. The biggest choice in the world. The worst one ever.

-Meanwhile, Tahani’s almost to the end…When she hits the one door she can’t stop herself from opening.

-The one containing her parents. And they’re immediately talking about how much of a disappointment she is.

-Back over to Jay, who’s losing by 3 points against the Jaguars and is trying to meditate to psyche himself up for a comeback. And then he finally figures out the nature of the test! …She was very explicit and clear about it, my dude.

-Baaack over to Tahani. Who’s sitting in front of them both and is not taking this conversation well. Because the focus becomes Kamilah. Her sister. And Tahani figures it out. She finally realizes a simple, core thing that’s been eating at her, her entire life.

-She will never be enough for her parents. She will never earn their respect, never earn their praise.

-And it’s not because of anything she did, or failed to do. It’s because of them. And…Dammit, she’s been happier around Jay and Eleanor and Chidi, than she ever was trying to meet up to their impossible standards. “Eons after her own demise” might be a bit late to finally start living, but, dammit, it’ll have to do! She marches right on out of there, and doesn’t even look at the remaining handful of doors before it’s through the red one.

-Back to Michael, who learns he’s not being retired. That’s too much of a spectacle. Instead, he’s just going into a simple, unmarked, empty room, with an endless stack of New Yorker magazines as his only source of entertainment. And then…

-Bad Janet grabs Shawn, throws him into the fucking wall, and it turns out she’s our Janet! She escalated herself to being very willing to do anything to keep the crew safe, and that includes masquerading for an extended period as a very cruel Bad Janet. And even lying to Michael. And she’s not proud of that, but it worked dammit!

-And she is very tired of being bad so…Wait, Shawn’s still conscious. BOOM kick! Okay now she’s tired of it.

-Back with Eleanor, she’s just cascading through the doors to get an endless pacing thing going on and try to focus. They’ve tried contractualist arguments, Kantian, what would Superman do, what would Rihanna do, what else they got? The weirdest, oldest thing you’ve got.

-…A simple thing. Morally speaking, whatever portal they go through, Tahani and Jay experience the exact same torture. …But Chidi decides to put aside the books for a minute, because dammit, when it boils down…He doesn’t want to lose her.

-And that sinks it for Eleanor. Judge?

-Yes?

-She’s not going.

-Pardon?

-That’s not Chidi. The Chidi she knows would never argue to reward himself over someone else. Chidi’s probably in another copy room, right now, trying to get you to give one of these medallions to her.

-And then he poofs, and Eleanor gets to sit down, having passed her real test. And also that medallion is a coaster.

-So what’s Chidi’s test?

-A hat. He has to decide on a hat.

-And finally, he decides on a brown hat after an hour, and gets to leave.

-So everyone’s all lined up…And you’re all going back to the Bad Place.

-…WHY?!

-You took 82 minutes to pick a hat, Chidi! And Tahani…You ultimately failed by confronting your parents. Jay, you failed to control your impulses entirely. Eleanor’s test was about selfishness, and she—

-Eleanor failed utterly. She insists she knocked an old lady down to get to the shrimp bar when she got too hungry, and Gen doesn’t correct her. So then, ready for the portals?

-But this was really fun! And look, she made a video about their time together, to remember this! They tried, despite it all. Now eternal damnation is…

-Delayed by Michael and Janet arriving! How’ve you all been? He’s had a HELL of a time.

-Credits!

Well shiiiit.

#where I watch #recap #live action #the good place #season 2 #spoilers

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