#if something is predetermined to be made does that mean that it was always going to be made? did my existence have no meaning? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ironunderstands · 10 days

Text

Here’s my comparison of Acheron, Aventurine and Ratio that I made in 2.1 which I forgot to upload here lol, I would like you to know my thoughts then because OH BOY HAS THIS AGED WELL

Aventurine, Acheron, Ratio and what the Nihility means to them

(Inspired by a convo I had with @aoxizu on Tumblr!)

The ending scene of the 2.1 update (the one featuring the black hole) is perhaps one of my favorite in all of fiction. I genuinely adore the way it was done and what it says about both the characters and life itself. This game has THEMES and by god did they come through then. So, I want to go over why I love it so much, and why it’s such a vital moment for Acheron, Aventurine and Ratios characters.

First, some context. Prior to Aventurine’s and Acheron’s conversation, Aventurine was taking the riskiest gamble of his life. Prior to the confrontation between him, Acheron and the Astral Express, Aventurine set up a plan to try and get to the secret at the heart of Penacony, as well as provide a ruse for Topaz and Jade to do, well whatever they planned on doing, the ending scene says they came there to “harvest”, so in 2.2 I assume we will find out what exactly that entails.

In order for this plan to work, Aventurine needed his cornerstone and to trick Sunday, so pre-2.0 he went to Dr. Ratio to include him in this plan, and set up a fake betrayal to fool Sunday and allow him to keep the Aventurine stone, with the Jade and Topaz stones also being acquired pre-Penacony. We know this because of Aventurine’s conversation with Topaz post 1.4 Belabog mission in which he requests her help in Penacony, something which we didn’t get confirmation on whether or not she accepted until 2.1, in which it’s revealed that one of the Cornerstones in the box is Topaz, meaning when they got confiscated in 2.0 she had already accepted his offer (we can assume a similar situation for Jade).

Essentially, everything had been going according to plan for IPC (even if Aventurine was absolutely not having a fun time during it), Ratio even says as much, stating that the IPC is pleased to hear of his death sentence, so that part of the confrontation was already predetermined. This leaves Aventurine with one final gamble, hoping the Astral Express and Acheron take the bait, and that they will try and stop him from destroying the entire dreamscape, which if Acheron acts on it, he could entire the true dreamscape to find the truth, as only an emanator could break through the power of the harmony.

Luckily for Aventurine, the gamble pays off and Aventurine does indeed draw her blade, both stopping him and sending them both into another plane entirely, it’s there in which one if my favorite scenes in fiction ever occurs.

You see, even if Aventurine planned this all from the start, he hasn’t exactly been having a fun time while doing it. Being sentenced to death and then slowly hallucinating on Harmony sh1t until the manifestations of your past self and your present doubt and insecurities come to haunt you isn’t exactly fun for anyone, especially Aventurine. 1) Because his backstory is horrifically tragic and being faced with a reminder that you will never feel secure or valued or truly happy would be enough to erode away the psyche of anyone 2) A version of himself which claims to be his future, but is more like a personification of how much Aventurine doubts and hates himself. It’s even more telling that this isn’t the first time he has talked to this version of him, in fact it saved his life several times, meaning one of Aventurine’s driving motivations is his own self loathing.

A trait that on the surface you don’t think he would have, Aventurine plays the role of the confident, unflappable gambler who always wins, when in reality his other hand is under the table, clutching his chips for dear life (something I quite literally paraphrased from the game).

Therefore, going into this conversation, Aventurine is more relieved than anything, yet another one of his gambles paid off, but now he will have to see how to go from there, and that’s when Acheron’s advice comes in. She’s not stupid, and immediately recognizes that he won (or at least got what she wanted), and that killing him is meaningless, it’s not his time yet. However, what Aventurine is really focused on is the fact that out of all the emanators he could have come across, the one he faces now is an emanator of nihility.

And well, in the face of overwhelming nihility, one’s own value comes into question yet again, and that’s something Aventurine doesn’t even need the aeon for to ask. So, he talks to Acheron, as IX isn’t exactly going to answer, but she might know. Now, I’m just going to lay out the dialogue (then explain it obviously) because it’s genuinely amazing.

Aventurine starts out by asking Acheron if she is an emanator of nihility, and I find her response to be really interesting. She doesn’t view herself as someone chosen by IX, as nihilism (the feeling of meaningless) envelops everyone equally, but she has simply walked in their shadow longer, tainted on the feeling. This leads Aventurine to question if this is the end, as if life has lost all meaning, in the face of overwhelming nihility, would that mean he’s dead?

Luckily Acheron immediately disagrees, stating that this is merely a manifestation of IX, not the end (he’s not dead guys idk how anyone can think that). However Aventurine still questions if his death has been determined, but Acheron doesn’t promise it. She mulls over his plan and and Aventurine asks her why she thinks he did it, and Acheron believes it was to find a secret deeper than the dream “deaths: the Real Penacony. He wonders how she found out, and Acheron says it’s the trailblazer’s identity which allowed her (and Aventurine) to come to this conclusion (we don’t yet know how this happened for either of them yet, but 2.2 should give answers).

They continue, Aventurine reveals that he believes the barrier the family built using the power of the harmony was not just to keep death out but the nightmare that is the real dreamscape. That the Memory Zone is simply a vast island built atop a violent ocean with the barrier keeping whatever nightmarish secrets from washing ashore. In order to break through this barrier and find the real dreamscape, which is why he kept killing himself earlier in the dream, but to no avail. When Sparkle gave him the hint, he realized it was referring to Firefly, someone who had seen the other side and survived it, even if she was unable to let others know if it. It wasn’t proof of the families wrongdoing, but it was suspicious enough for him to try and get Acheron to kill him, rather than try and find the Meme to recreate Firefly’s death.

Acheron points out just how insane this plan was, that if he hadn’t gotten lucky and crossed path with her, it wouldn’t have succeeded. Then, she commends him for playing it perfectly, pitting her perfectly against him and creating a plan that would be beneficial for the IPC no matter what happened, as even if he dies that would be great leverage. However, Aventurine disagrees with that last point, he truly can’t guarantee the IPCs success or even his own survival, that if she hadn’t drawn her blade it would have all be pointless.

She’s doesn’t let him continue along this line of thought, what-ifs are pointless and he earned his ticket to the dreamscape. What matters now is what happens next, and Acheron asks him if he can return from the abyss (Childe reference?), but more importantly, she questioned if he has ever wavered, as even a gamble as seemingly insane as the one Aventurine just did seems to have not shaken him (from her POV, we know how terrified Aven was but everyone else minus maybe Ratio does).

Aventurine tells her perhaps the most fundamental aspect of his character; he gambles simply because he has no other choice, betting on everything because he has nothing else to lose. Acheron tells him to wake up from this “dream” (aka find the true dreamscape), and she presumably goes to leave.

However (and this is my favorite part of the scene), he asks her one more question before she leaves, thinking she might know the answer as a pathstrider of nihility, “Why are we born in this world if it’s just to die?”

Her response is the best possible way you could answer this question. Acheron is an emanator of nihility, but she doesn’t think life is meaningless. The feeling of emptiness and pointlessness envelops everyone equally and that’s exactly why the nihility is pointless. It doesn’t matter that nothing matters, and we aren’t born into this world just to die.

Aventurine still worries though, after all if the dice of fate will always roll to the same conclusion, then destiny is predetermined, so why struggle? Why does it matter?

Her answer again is not one he would expect, but one that absolutely makes sense. Acheron says the answer has been with Aventurine throughout his entire life and journey on Penacony, and that he’s already somewhat realized it. Aventurine said himself that sleep is a rehearsal of death, but people aren’t ready to welcome death, which is why they sleep to get a taste of it. Sleep is much like death, a realm of unreality in which anything might be possible within the dreams that define its existence. Death itself is an unreality, and nobody truly knows what it’s like to die, but dreams are the closest we might ever get before the end. Like Acheron says, in a way, dreams are just a preparation for death, a practice before it can be welcomed.

However, much like how dreams can contain anything, even if we cannot choose to experience them or not, life itself is full of choices, regardless of if the ending is determined or not. Acheron understands that there are an infinite amount of things people cannot change before the end, but there are choices you can make up until it. Death is inevitable, but the life you live before it isn’t. This is what the words in red mean, both here and in my opinion, in general.

Acheron reminds the trailblazer to make the right choice when time comes for it, in our first meeting with her. However, I don’t think the path we choose matters, but rather the the fact that we chose at all. Now the next paragraph will include a minor discussion of 2.2 leaks, so skip to the next slide if you don’t want to hear it.

Sunday is getting a bossfight in 2.2, and it’s highly theorized that he works/believes in Ena the Order, especially because it looks like it’s their hand he’s touching in that one animation of the bossfight. Now here’s the thing, Order as a concept Chooses For You. I think the trailblazer making a decision is the thing that will save them and the rest of the gang, as within the face of an entity defined by limiting choice and free will, choosing to well, choose will save them (us?) and perhaps be the thing that gets the trailblazer acknowledged by the Harmony, a concept greater than Order.

Anyways, after she says that, Acheron leaves Aventurine, saying the answer to his question was from his friend.

And Aventurine pulls out the vial from Dr. Ratio

The vial telling him that the only impossible thing in the dreamscape is dormancy (meaning the secrets from before are destined to rise and destroy the “island” that is Penacony.

The vial telling him to stay alive and wishing him the best of luck, which in the Chinese version is:

Ratio answered both of Aventurine’s questions. The physical one, the one that pertains to Aventurines goals in Penacony, informing him of a vital aspect of the dreamscape that will help him win his gamble. But more importantly, he also answered Aventurine’s emotional one. What is the point of living? There is no real deeper meaning but to stay alive, survive and keep on living, because at the end of the day, that’s the only choice Aventurine can make, and that’s the one Ratio wants him to make.

Ratio Gives Aventurine A Reason To Live.

Aventurine says that he has nothing left, his family is gone and he has nobody and nothing to fall back on which is why he gambles. But Acheron proves him wrong, he isn’t alone, she calls Ratio his “friend”, says that he’s the solution to his doubt. Someone caring about Aventurine is what saves his life, he walks into the massive black hole unafraid not because he holds some secret power or technique or trick, but because someone cares about him, and that someone taught him that caring about himself is enough. Aventurine didn’t need the power of an emanator to survive the true dreamscape, he only needed a friend, and the will to keep going that he realized from them.

This is the true meaning of nihility, not that Aventurine says that he has nothing left, his family is gone and he has nobody and nothing to fall back on which is why he gambles. But Acheron proves him wrong, he isn’t alone, she calls Ratio his “friend”, says that he’s the solution to his doubt. Someone caring about Aventurine is what saves his life, he walks into the massive black hole unafraid not because he holds some secret power or technique or trick, but because someone cares about him, and that someone taught him that caring about himself is enough. Aventurine didn’t need the power of an emanator to survive the true dreamscape, he only needed a friend, and the will to keep going that he realized from them. the universe is meaningless, but that regardless of if it has one or not, it doesn’t matter. It’s this realization that saves Acheron from losing herself like other emanators, it’s this realization that allows Aventurine to cross the event horizon of that manifestation of IX, and it’s this realization that I believe is why Dr. Ratio was never acknowledged by Nous: he was already treading the path of nihility without even realizing it.

Now this is where my conversation with @aoxizu comes in, and I’m just gonna paste directly what they said because I think it’s amazing and everyone should read it, more importantly it’s what inspired this slideshow in the first place.

Ratio tells Aventurine to live despite everything because that’s the only thing he can do. It doesn’t matter how absurd life is, or how meaningless it all seems, choose to live anyways, because all you have are choices, and it doesn’t matter if they lead to some grand outcome or future or whatnot. To Ratio, life doesn’t, and shouldn’t care about that. Existence doesn’t need to make sense to be worth it, and that’s a sentiment both me, the characters and the og poster share.

Acheron is a lot like Ratio, she chooses to live despite having discovered the meaninglessness of the universe. In an existence seemingly black and white she chooses to paint the world red with her choices, accepting its reality and choosing to forge her own path rather than succumb to the madness. That’s why she says in her trailer, “there is no other choice but to move forward” and that’s because there really is no other choice, the universe doesn’t have some grand plan for anyone and you can’t turn back time to change anything, so all you can do is move forward.

My contribution! I’ve already kinda started but I do want to talk about how Ratio could be treading the path of nihility, but I’ll let this amazing post finish.

So yeah, amazing post, and I don’t think I could reword what they said in a better way than they did. Bringing up the philosophical aspects of this scene makes me really happy because they are so prominent, but most people aren’t really aware enough to notice. Absurdism is one of the driving inspirations behind the dreamscape, and it’s nice to see someone else besides you (see: my slideshow about Penacony and its American influences for an elaboration on this) bring it up. Honestly I think that philosophy fits Ratio far better than any of the Ancient Greek stuff you try to slap on him. Sure he obviously has the inspirations, but he’s closer in spirit to philosophers from the 1700s to now than them, a reinterpretation of Greek scholars rather than a copy of them.

And this is where my idea that Ratio is a pathstrider of nihility (and he doesn’t even know it yet) comes in. He doesn’t view knowledge in the same way that pathstriders of Erudition do; knowledge for knowledges sake has never been something Ratio has cared about. Knowledge means something to Ratio because it allows people to better themselves, not because it has some sort of inherent value. That’s why he’s so determined to spread it, he wants everyone to reach their fullest potential, and dedicates his life to doing so. Regardless of if the universe has meaning or not, that doesn’t mean people can’t try and live their best lives, and that’s the philosophy Ratio truly believes in.

Moreover, this is why it’s so meaningful that Ratio is the one to help Aventurine, he’s teaching him something Ratio himself learned long ago when he got rejected by the Genius Society. Despite all of Ratio’s intellect and qualifications, he will never be good enough for them because he simply doesn’t view knowledge in the way they do. But instead of this meaninglessness (nihility) consuming him, Ratio dedicated his life to doing what brought him meaning and validation rather than searching for some hidden answers from the universe (specifically Nous).

And it’s not like he just accepted it happily. Ratio still wants their acknowledgement, and it still hurt (and hurts) him a lot to not have it, which is why I think he unknowingly strides the path of nihility. To Ratio, his view on knowledge is simply how knowledge is, and the fact that Nous will never perceive it in that way because his philosophy is more nihilistic than it is erudite is something Ratio might never come to terms with. But that’s ok. The point is that it’s ok, Ratio doesn’t need to be acknowledged or to understand the truth of the universe to be happy or do well for himself. Our universe might mean nothing and yeah that can and will suck, but existence is more valuable than some grand cosmic plan, and even if you don’t realize it, choosing to live is enough.

Continually, this reminds me of the conversation Aventurine had with his hallucination self, in which he told real Aventurine that him and Ratio are very similar. In a way, they are, both struggling to find meaning in their lives, and Ratio helps Aventurine find meaning in his without really even knowing how. Sure the note was meant to keep Aventurine going, but Ratio caused Aventurine to come to a conclusion that probably won’t find Ratio for a while. He helped Aventurine overcome nihility without even knowing it, without Ratio even realizing that THAT is the thing he has been struggling with, and the path he has been walking the whole time.

I really hope we get to see Ratio again, and at the very least I want a story quest for him because I want to analyze his brain under a microscope. Him and Acheron need to meet asap I want more Ratio content idc if everyone else in the fandom hates him I love him and he’s my pookie bear and I will write 3039493494 things about him when it comes to me UGHHHH. Anyways I didn’t know how end this so this is the ending yaaayyy! I hope you liked it and if you have any thoughts let me know!

_________________________________________

Og post over! That was a long ass read and past me was absolutely cooking up a storm, oh god did this age well and I was right about or close to right about a lot of shit haha. Anyways I really do hope you enjoyed reading this, and this will hopefully provide some needed context for my next posts on this subject. Also feel free to repost this onto other sites I’m very proud of it

#honkai star rail #hsr #Dr ratio #acheron #aventurine #penacony

114 notes · View notes

sokkastyles · 3 months

Note

It is honestly very weird to see Ozai praise Zuko, even if he's not there. It feels like against the laws of nature. It's like how they made Tywin a little nicer to Tyrion on the TV show too, in the books he barely says something nice to him only that one time when it kinda sounded like he did when he named him the Hand.

It's been a while but I'm not sure that they made Tywin nicer to Tyrion on the show. I only recall him being nice to Arya that one time (whereas book Tywin would have found her unnatural).

I think a main difference between Tywin and Ozai as parents, which is true for both book and show Tywin, is that Tywin was able to recognize Tyrion's talents and use them, even while underestimating him. I feel like perhaps that is the direction they are going in for LA!Ozai, but I don't agree with the choice.

The dynamic Ozai creates with his children in the OG is very much a classic golden child / scapegoat dynamic. And even though we don't get much of Ozai at all in book one, I do not get the impression from the original cartoon that Ozai would have responded to the news that Zuko had found the Avatar by praising him. The response we see from him is that Zuko is a failure, because Zuko didn't capture the Avatar.

But more importantly - and this is where you have to remember that the golden child / scapegoat dynamic is NOT about what the children do, it's about the parent - more importantly, Aang's return means that now there's a chance that Zuko might actually do the impossible. This is not something Ozai wants because then Zuko is not fulfilling the predetermined role (that of the scapegoat) Ozai has set for him.

This seems contradictory on the surface because Zuko's failures are making Ozai unhappy, which is why Zuko is able to be manipulated into this role. He thinks that if only he does better, he can make Ozai happy and everything will be fine. But Ozai does not want to be happy with Zuko. Ozai has a psychological need to put his son down because of his own insecurity, for much the same reason that he has a psychological need to see Azula as perfect.

So I can't see Ozai learning that Zuko found and then lost the Avatar and then praising him. Even if it's a ruse to keep Azula on her toes. Because in the original, Ozai did that to Azula by using Zuko as the example of what happens when you fail. The fact that these roles do not change also emphasizes to Azula that she has to be the golden child, always. She doesn't have a choice. Zuko almost capturing the Avatar isn't something worthy of praise because almost isn't good enough.

The other thing about it is that if Ozai treats his kids as more like equals, there's less division between them. I know some people see this as him pitting them against each other, but a big reason why they didn't team up in the original was because Ozai was constantly telling Azula that she didn't need Zuko, that she was better than Zuko. If both kids are held to the same standard, there's more of a chance that both of them might decide they're fed up with being treated that way. But in the original, one of the main reasons why Azula did not have empathy for her brother was because she was taught that she didn't need to. She never got the same treatment as Zuko did. She was never even forced to see things from Zuko's perspective at all until the very end of the story, and screamed at her father that he "can't treat [her] like Zuko!"

Also Ozai praising Zuko and implying that he considers him his heir doesn't make sense considering what Ozai did to Zuko. You don't banish your heir and send them on an impossible task, unless you want them to come back with an army and a reason to usurp you. You don't publicly humiliate your heir and mutilate them and make them look incompetent, unless you want the other nations you are at war with and the peasantry to get the idea that the royal family is not, in fact, so untouchable.

In ASOIAF, Tywin's treatment of Tyrion makes the reader realize, long before Tyrion does, that Tywin was never going to make him his heir. I've always assumed that was also the case for Ozai, which is why what they're doing in the live action doesn't make a lot of sense.

#zuko #ozai #azula #atla live action

45 notes · View notes

rubynationwins · 2 years

Text

Wanna Be Yours

Sugar baby! Bucky Barnes x Plus size! Reader

Summary: You don’t have a problem letting Bucky see other people, but Bucky wants to tell you that you’re all he needs.

Main Masterlist

Warnings: angst, fluff, pining, jealous! bucky, dirty talk/thoughts, swearing, Bucky is in his mid-late 20s

Word Count: 2,816

A/N: I’m very excited to be posting a fic, I feel like it’s been forever since I last posted one! I’ve had this in my wips for quite a while now, but didn’t work on it because I felt guilty for not posting my other fics that are sequels/parts of series first. But those are still far from being done(I’ve kinda also been struggling w/ writing them oof), so I shifted gears and edited this one & feel very pleased w/ how it came out! I love this concept, and I hope you all are into this pairing/dynamic because it’s a little different than my others. Like, comment, reblog, I always appreciate feedback so plz let me know what u think!

This story should not be posted anywhere else without my express permission.

Thanks for reading!

-Ruby

You don’t keep Bucky – or James, as you call him – on a very short leash. You don’t want him to feel tied down when he’s at such a pivotal age for young, virile men like himself. He should be able to explore and enjoy his youth with partners he doesn’t feel obligated to be with. This isn’t your first sugar relationship, so you’re plenty aware that young men don’t want to only be with you; which is something you learned the hard way. It’s better to let them live their lives with predetermined rules instead of getting cheated on by men who don’t have the balls to tell you they need more than you have to offer.

So, with Bucky, you made your expectations clear from the start. He can sleep with whoever he wants as long as he’s safe, uses protection, gets checked regularly, and always puts you first; and in turn, you give him whatever he desires. Lucky for you, he has stuck to your rules and made good on his promise to be by your side when you need him. Honesty, communication, and companionship, that’s all you really need, nothing more. At least, that’s what you tell yourself.

------------------------------------------------

“James-”

Bucky spins around from the mirror he was checking his hair in and sucks in a breath. You are standing in the doorway of the bathroom with a playful smirk on your painted red lips.

“If you keep messing with your hair it’s going to fall out,” you give him a once over, “You look beautiful, darling.” And he does. He is absolutely stunning in his navy suit, a simple dark grey turtleneck underneath with a gold chain loose around his neck. It’s the one you bought him for your 6-month anniversary last month. Technically, you paid for the entire outfit he’s currently donning, but you personally picked out the chain yourself. It matches the slim bracelet that’s dangling around your wrist.

Bucky blushes lightly under your sharp gaze. He doesn’t know why, but a flutter erupts in his belly every time you compliment him. He never gets so worked up when others flatter him, only you.

“Right back at ya’ doll,” he flashes a wolfish smile, “you sure we have to go to this event? How ‘bout instead I get you out of that dress and we head to the bedroom because I don’t know how the hell I’m gonna keep my hands off you in that thing.”

Not too long ago you would have thought he was all talk, but Bucky has proven just how much he adores your body – curves and all. You can’t help but agree with his statement anyway, you look absolutely banging in your elegant Theia gown. The deep fuchsia color complements your complexion perfectly and the way it hugs your curves is like sin. The side slit stops just at mid-thigh and the off-the-shoulder straps mean your neckline is on full display. The way his eyes flash as they take it all in sends heat straight to your core, but unfortunately, you’re on a time crunch.

“As tempting as your offer is, James, I can’t miss this one. It’s a company celebration, and as the newest member of the board, it’s vital that I be there.” You gently grasp his hand and lean into the warmth of his large, muscled body, placing a modest peck on his cheek, “But since you’re going to be with me, I know the night will fly by. Before you know it, we’ll be back here and you can help me with this damn zipper.” You chuckle, winking playfully before walking away to grab your clutch resting on the table a few feet away.

Bucky’s pupils are like black saucers as he stares longingly at your ass as you bend over to slip on your shoes. As much as he wants to ignore your words and shove you up against the nearest wall and fuck you in that delectable dress, he knows that your work life is important to you, so he restrains himself – for now.

“Alright, doll.” He holds his arm out for you to take and you wrap yours around it, feeling the hard metal underneath the fabric of his suit jacket. “As long as you promise to help me out of my pants as well.”

You gasp and hit his shoulder playfully, “James!”

He shoots you a shit-eating grin and walks to the door with you hanging on his arm, your soft body melding into his.

Tonight is going to be great.

------------------------------------------------

Tonight has been crap.

Bucky sulks at the bar, toying with a toothpick and sipping at his glass of brandy. Again, he glances over to where you stand surrounded by a group of coworkers, all of whom are men.

Shit.

He downs the remaining contents of his glass and motions to the bartender for another before going back to glaring at your little posse. He isn’t mad at you though, well, not that much. No, he’s pissed off at the slime-balls crowding you. Don’t they have their own dates to ogle at? Why did they have to steal you away as soon as you both stepped into the ballroom with the pretense of “private business matters”?

Turns out, those “private business matters” are getting you drunk and blustering about your many achievements and how lucky they are to have you on the board. Bucky knows his jealousy is misplaced. He, above everyone here, knows how hard you worked to get this position. You are the youngest person, and the only woman, to ever become a board member. He’s damn proud of you, in fact.

Still, he can tell these sleazy old men don’t give a damn about your work, not with the way they all stare at you like some kind of meal for them to devour. Bucky respects your boundaries and your work life, but how is he supposed to sit back when the tall shit-head with graying blonde hair on your right, who has easy access to getting a peep at your cleavage, keeps touching your arm? Can’t you see what they’re up to? Or are you being deliberately obtuse just to ruffle his feathers?

You wouldn’t do that though. Even if you were flirting with these geezers, which Bucky’s sure you’re not, you wouldn’t do it to get a rise out of him because you wouldn’t think it possible. You’ve never said it outright, but Bucky knows you don’t think he minds when you talk to other men. He does though, he fucking minds a lot.

How can he blame you for it, though? You made it abundantly clear at the start of your relationship that it was fine for him to see other women, even if he wasn’t the least bit interested in anyone else, not from the moment he laid eyes on you. When he tried to argue that you didn’t have anything to worry about – that he didn’t want anyone besides you – you shut him down completely, saying there was no room for argument, that he either accept the terms, or you wouldn’t be able to see him again.

Bucky wanted to strangle every selfish, fucker that made you go to such lengths to feel comfortable in a relationship. Of course, he conceded to your stipulations, there was no way around it, he needed to be with you. But, if you didn’t care if he fucked other people, how could he possibly demand that you only have eyes for him?

Still, though, it was taking all his strength to not rush forward and sweep you away from the group of lechers, and maybe kick a few of them in the nuts for good measure.

A new drink is placed before him and he knocks it back immediately. When he turns back around to continue stalking you from afar, his blood runs cold.

The other members of your group are gone and now it’s just you and blondie talking. The bastard says something and you laugh, reaching up and squeezing his arm, swaying on your feet. He places his hands on your plush hips to, supposedly, stabilize you. All the while, pulling you in much closer than necessary.

Bucky is out of his seat and at your side in a split second. He grabs the offending man’s wrists and yanks them off of you, “Watch where you’re touching, pal.” His threat comes out in a low growl and he pulls you to him, his grip tight around your waist.

“James? What are you doing here?” You hiccup, eyes hazy as they blink up at him. Your surprise at his presence sends a pang through Bucky’s heart. Had you so easily forgotten about him?

Even so, no man touches what’s his.

Bucky takes a step back, bringing you with him, and leans down to your ear, gritting his teeth together in a faux smile, “I’m here because I think it’s time we go. You’ve had too much to drink, doll,” he speaks lowly so only you can hear. He knows his words are a bit too harsh and his tone a little too strained, but he can’t shake the defensive anger coursing through his veins.

The blonde man, who for some reason is still standing there with a strangely satisfied smirk on his lips chooses that very moment to speak up, “So you’re James? Nice to meet you,” he reaches out for a handshake, seemingly unfazed by the murderous glint in Bucky’s eyes. Bucky outright ignores his proffered hand, but the finely clad man brushes off the rebuff and casually slides his hand into his pants pocket, “Y/N talks about you all the time. I can see why, you’re a nice-looking kid.”

He wants to punch the callous grin off of the old asshole’s face, but you snort, “Tod, quit it, stop teasing him.” Bucky’s jaw tightens, you didn’t say he’s not a kid. Bucky hates feeling unworthy of you; like he doesn’t belong at your side. He may be young, but he has just as much right as any to call himself yours.

Tod cracks a smile, “Ha, alright, I’ll see you on Monday, Y/N.” He nods his head at you in goodbye and moves to leave. But when he passes Bucky’s shoulder, he leans in and whispers, “Better get her home quick, son. Don’t you have a curfew to worry about?” He chuckles to himself when he catches Bucky’s seething face, not at all intimidated by the rage flaring in the younger man’s blue eyes. With those final parting words, Tod walks off, lucky to not have a bruise the size of Bucky’s left fist on his smarmy face, in Bucky’s opinion.

Bucky breathes heavily, trying not to run after the guy to show him where he can stick his fucking curfew bullshit. Instead, he switches his focus back to you. You’re leaning into him, your usually calculating eyes spacey and a goofy smile plays on your lips. He frowns, you normally don’t drink so much, “What the hell did you get yourself into, doll?” This time his voice is softer, worried, but less biting.

You glance up at him, your eyebrows furrowed, but once you understand what he’s asking, you let out an uncharacteristic giggle, “To celebrate, we did some shots, I don’t remember how many I had,” your words are slow and nonchalant, as if you are actively trying not to slur them together, “Anyway, why are you upset, darling? I thought I told you to find some guys your own age to chat with. I knew you wouldn’t be interested in all our boring old business talk.” As you talk, Bucky hurries you to the exit, only pausing at the coat check to grab your things. He messages your driver to be out front in five.

“Guys my age?” His tone is bitter but you’re oblivious to his simmering indignation.

“Yeah! It’s a party for mostly higher-ups, but a few of them brought their sons, and some brought their daughters too,” you give him a sly wink at that. Bucky just stands there in front of the decorated driveway, trying to temper the many unsavory responses he wants to make at your last remark. His arm is wrapped around your full waist, clutching you to his side. He stays silent as your car finally pulls up, the driver not bothering to hop out since Bucky already has the back door open before he even rolls to a complete stop. Bucky ushers you into the backseat before sliding in after you.

The partition is already rolled up so he turns to you, unable to bite his tongue any longer, “Daughters?”

You scrunch up your face, confused by his questioning, “Yeah, I’ve met some of them. Mr. & Mrs. Willson’s daughter, Sarah, is a real looker. I think you’d like her, she’s just your type, and then there’s Melina’s daughter, Nata-”

“I don’t understand.” Bucky stares at you, trying to mask the hurt in his chest, “Were you trying to get rid of me? I came here tonight to be with you. Why would I want to spend it with some other girl? Why did you spend it with other men? Y/N, I-I don’t know what you want from me, why would you-” His tone has turned accusatory and befuddled. He wants to come clean, to shout that he doesn’t give a shit about other women, but the words are caught in his throat. He’s too much of a coward to speak them aloud.

You shush him, shaking your head, a placating smile on your red lips, “James, I don’t know why you’re getting so riled up, but stop. I just want to enjoy the rest of the car ride home with you, please, I’m tired.” You kick off your heels and relax your head against his shoulder; placing your soft hand in his. He gazes at your lovely face as you play with his metal fingers. The flashing lights that fill the car as it passes underneath brightly lit billboards and dim streetlamps cast fluttering shadows around your ethereal features. His chest fills with a sentiment he doesn’t know how to describe, one he’s maybe too scared to unpack. Your eyes drift shut and your hands still in his, as your soft snores fill the interior of the car. Bucky places a gentle kiss on the top of your head, soaking up your rich perfume.

When the car arrives back home, Bucky carries your sleeping form inside, hugging your plush body to his chest. He lays you down on the bed and goes to work getting you ready for sleep. He knows you wouldn’t want to go to sleep with makeup on, so he grabs a makeup wipe from with bathroom and removes your still pristine look. Bucky loves the power and confidence makeup gives you, but he adores your fresh face, which he doesn’t often get to see.

You tend to keep him at a distance, only letting him see parts of you, not allowing yourself to be “messy” in his presence. Again, there's that foreign panging in his heart. It feels like there is a wall between the two of you, one that you purposefully set up, Bucky’s afraid he’s never going to break it down. Even tonight, when you were fairly drunk, you held a certain air of professionalism about you, so to speak.

You always have to be in control and Bucky wishes that you would just let him be the one to shoulder the burden for once. It’s like you think he’ll abandon you if you ask him to commit more to your relationship. You just don’t know how much he craves you when you tell him he has the “weekend off”, or that he only has to come to events “if he wants to”. You may think you’re letting him have “freedom” and not feel “tied down”, but in reality, you’re denying him the time and companionship that he so desires from you. Bucky wants you to demand more of him, to expect more from him. He sure wants more of you; however he can get it.

What if all you ever want is just a good time and a good lay with a young, pretty face? A few months ago he might have been satisfied with that, but now he wants more. And he is terrified to ask for it.

He finishes cleaning your face and even has the mind to put moisturizer on you since you live and breathe the stuff. He unzips your gown and pulls it off your body. After taking a moment to appreciate the majesty of your body, he goes and hangs the dress back in the closet before coming back out with one of your pajama sets.

He removes your strapless bra and slides the soft, silk pajama top over your chest. You have shapewear on so he shimmies you out of it, which is a little challenging he’ll admit. He has no clue why you wear the restricting stuff. You say it’s to have a smooth base for your tighter garments to rest on, but he suspects there might be more to it. Either way, it’s your body and he gets to appreciate it with and without the shapewear on, so he’s plenty satisfied.

After he gets your pajama bottoms on, he quickly changes into a pair of boxers, not bothering with a shirt. He shuffles into bed beside you, pulling the covers over you both. He hugs you to his chest, trying to get the feeling of dread to leave his subconscious. You’re here in his arms, and that is enough. It has to be.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x plus size reader #james bucky buchanan barnes #sugar baby!bucky #plus size reader #Bucky angst #bucky fluff #mcu fanifiction #mcu x plus size reader #plus size reader fanfic #bucky barnes x you #jealous bucky barnes #sugar baby!bucky x reader #My writing #mine #rubynationwins

661 notes · View notes

kiana-kaslana-423 · 6 months

Note

oo how about self-aware au general headcanons with kiana kaslana and eden? self-aware aus are so interesting to me

Self-Aware! Kiana, Eden x Fem Reader

☆ Kiana, Eden becoming self-aware ☆

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽

Sorry for this being a little short!

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽

!! Not comfy with men will block on interaction !!!

• Yeah, Kiana is not doing well once she finds out everything is just a game.

• Everything that she's done or have yet to do was predetermined and would always go that way, every choice that she made didn't matter in the end. Everyone she lost was determined to die and she couldn't do anything about it.. Was everything that she was doing now predetonement? What was her decision and what was not??

• She is having a huge crisis when she figures this out, everything that she's known has been flipped upside down and crushed.. it makes her feel distraught until she realized hey? Wouldn't that mean Himeko and the rest are basically alive? Sense of she's thinking 'logically' this is all code and they are all playable characters so wouldn't Himeko be in that roster of characters?

• That honestly gave her hope! And that was going to be what she originally was going to do, bring back everyone that died and make all of her other friends become aware like her! But that kind of got stopped in it's tracked when she met you, you were something else entirely.. you were something that took care of her, someone that praised her and someone that played with her in the dorm. You were everything but nothing at the same times cuz she couldn't see you.. Was this what people called a goddess? Since she's pretty sure she just met one,,

• Kiana saw you as a goddess from another place helping her, even if she was stuck in this place at least you were there and maybe you can even help her with this predicament of being the only one, who's really 'alive'? If she became self aware that means the others can too, right? Then they can be all happy together again, with you of course!

• So with this being her main goal, she's not that possessive or anything! She's not that yandere like the others- so it's a pretty fun time with her since she openly makes herself known! Saying good morning, good night, asking about your day and responding! She will legit have full conversations with you on the bridge or as she does something in game!

• Kiana loves to talk to you and help you out in game! She really can't help you out with getting better pulls or anything since she has no idea how to code- She is just a very friendly Tuna on screen!!

• But the only downside about this is all of the characters in the game that are playable will most likely become self-aware too because of her- and then you have a whole bunch of self-aware characters that worship you and most of them will be yandere's,,, soooo have fun with that!

• Eden is obviously heartbroken like the rest of them since because on one hand all of her friends are not real and everything she went through was for nothing but also on the other hand that meant no one died and no one truly suffered from the Honkai, and for some reason that brings a smile to her face since at least no one truly got hurt in the end.

• So she kind of just spends her life in the game chilling around and relaxed, even though she would like some company or something, she wanted has been granted because of the Honkai has not hurt anyone truly so who is she to ask for more? it's like a weight lifted off her shoulder and all she can do is just smile

• So she was living pretty peacefully actually and that's when you came along, someone to talk to and have a conversation with or just watch. Unlike Kiana she didn't see you as a goddess or something else like that, she saw you company. She saw you as a friend and someone to be with her

• She's very different from everyone here since she can understand your intentions and not instantly jump the gun about anything or just listen to you, listen to you actually explain how you got here and why you're playing the game.

• Eden is a friend but she definitely doesn't mind being a lover, sense she really enjoys your company but she won't force you into anything since she's not a yandere at all, cuz she can understand why you wouldn't want to get with her since she's just simple code to a living being like you. This won't bring her down though cuz at least she will still have you and from what she can tell you're going to be staying for a long time <3

#honkai #honkai impact #honkai impact 3rd x reader #honkai impact x reader #honkai impact 3rd #honkai x reader #hi3 #hi3 x reader #kiana kaslana x reader #kiana x reader #kiana kaslana #kiana #eden x reader #eden

79 notes · View notes

buckychristwrites · 1 year

Text

Colors in the Dark | b.b. | Part Two

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: It’s been years since it was revealed that Bucky has a soulmate. And while he doesn’t remember anything about them, he hopes to see them again one day.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Surprisingly fluff

A/N: Just a quick tale of reunion, since a few people were wondering if Bucky would ever meet his soulmate again. I’m not sure if anyone will read this but i wrote it in less than a day and had fun, so i hope someone does. Enjoy :)

Part One | Masterlist

“I had a soulmate once.”

The scratching of the pen on paper came to a halt.

“Everyone has a soulmate,” she explained as-a-matter-of-factually. Bucky huffed.

“I know that,” he said, annoyed. “I mean, I met mine once.” Dr. Raynor laid her pen down on the pad on her desk, her attention now fully on Bucky.

“Back before the war?” She asked. He let out a humorless laugh as he shook his head.

“You would think. No, it was actually the same day I ran into Steve. As the…” He waved his hand. “Soldier.” He didn’t like saying the name. The Winter Soldier. It made him feel some type of way. He tried to brush off that feeling as he looked back at his therapist. “I have vague memories of it sometimes. Seeing in color.” Dr. Raynor’s eyebrows furrowed together.

“But you don’t see color now?”

He shook his head once again. “They wiped my memories.” A hard lump formed in his throat, and he tried to swallow it down. Despite the fact that Bucky could remember most things about himself now, and from his time as the Winter Soldier, the memories of his soulmate were never able to be recovered. He sometimes found himself wondering if there was something in the universe stopping him from being able to remember. Would the memories give him back the ability to see color? Would he need to meet you again?

“Why haven’t you brought this up until now?” Dr. Raynor asked, a hint of suspicion in her tone.

“Probably the same reason I don’t bring up a lot of things,” Bucky said in a joking tone, and he did not elaborate further. Raynor rolled her eyes.

“How does the idea of meeting them again make you feel?” She asked him. That was one thing Bucky never tried to consider. Sure, he pictured what it would be like, and sometimes he found himself watching people in the street and wondering to himself if any of those people could be the one. But he never wanted to consider the feelings behind it all. In reality, it brought him a great deal of fear, the idea of confronting this part of his past. It wasn’t like you were just a bystander to the chaos that was his time in HYDRA. He had hunted you. Fought you. Even tried to kill you. IN what world would anyone, even his predetermined soulmate, forgive him for that? Though there was a chance Steve had attempted to clear his name, you were never brought up in any of the time Steve and he had spent together since Bucky’s treatment in Wakanda. And now with Steve gone, he had no way of finding out the answer.

“The answer to that should be obvious,” was all he said, mostly because he did not want to answer. Taking the hint, Raynor backed off, instead looking down at her watch.

“That’s time,” she said, looking up at him with narrowed eyes. “But we will be picking this back up next week.” Bucky’s chair squealed against the hard floor as he pushed it backwards to stand up.

“Don’t hold your breath.”

It was at this time that you were walking down the street, cradling your head with one hand while holding the strap of your bag with another. It was a migraine day for you, as most days were anymore, and while your body yearned for the dark bedroom back at your apartment, your morning agenda had other plans for you. Life had to go on, even if your new debilitation didn’t want it to.

Your bag was heavy on your shoulders as you jogged across the street. Washington D.C. was as welcoming today as it always was, a chorus of horns greeting you as you made your way. It had become second nature to ignore them.

The day was a mix of gray and blue, but every day was a mix of gray and something. The sidewalks were a parade of people making their way to a destination that was much more important than anyone else’s, except for the tourists who just couldn’t help but stop and get in the way.. As you made it to another crosswalk, you marked off another street closer to home. It was like you could taste the feeling of lying down after a long morning of engagements. Maybe a shower was in order, before ordering take out and settling in before the clock struck two. The idea of it sounded marvelous.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the Avenger’s mural that was painted just weeks after half the population reappeared after 5 years. You felt a pang in your chest, as you always did when you saw it. You opened your eyes one moment to find that five years had passed, and the two closest friends you had, Natasha and Steve, were both gone. Although it had almost been a year since then, sometimes your heart felt the loss the same way it did the first time.

The sight on the mural that always made you stop, no matter how many times you saw it, was the man with the long hair and metal arm. Every single time you walked by this mural, it always stopped you in your tracks.

You still remembered the aftermath of the fight, when Steve explained who the man in the mask was. The way your heart grieved over the idea it had for who and what your soulmate would be. Never in a million years did you imagine that you’d be paired with a one hundred year old master assassin. Someone who now had tried to kill you. Someone you may never even see again. The devastation hit you like a train, but it also made your heart break for the man. Despite it all, he was just a man, who wasn’t in his right mind. He had lost something too.

And then, in an instant, the world changed again.

It was that same night that the colors you had just gained were ripped from your sight, replaced with a static of a mix of gray and vibrancy that you couldn’t escape. The pain in your head was indescribable and, unbeknownst to you at the time, damn near inescapable. One would assume that with your abilities, you’d be able to make the pain disappear in an instant, but nothing you did helped with the pain.

It was a rare day that your head was pain free, but this moment, with you looking at the mural on the building near your apartment, you felt the migraine dissolve. It made you want to stand there all day. Just you and the idea of your soulmate. Was it funny? Or did you want to cry? It was hard to tell sometimes.

Bucky’s boots clambered down the concrete steps as he left his therapist’s D.C. office. In town for the week on work, Bucky felt it necessary to make sure he saw her. The streets of the Capital made him uneasy anymore, considering how things went the last time he was in town.

Something about the conversation with Dr. Raynor made him feel more tense than usual. As he walked down the sidewalk, he had to keep reminding himself to un-clench his jaw, and even then, a moment later, his teeth would be pressed together once more. He attempted to distract himself by listing off the things he had to do that day. Grocery shop. Text Sam’s nephews to figure out how to Facetime. Facetime Sam’s nephews. Cook dinner. Clean out the catbox.

A shoulder ramming into his own brought his stress right back, causing him to turn around. He did not come face to face with the culprit, but what he did find was much worse.

He found himself just across the street from the Avengers mural. It was like he could feel the tension creeping up his body as he swallowed hard. He always made an effort to avoid the mural as much as possible. Despite how grateful he was to be included, all it did was remind him of what he had lost. Seeing his old friend in the painting made him choke up a little, and before he knew it, he found himself crossing the street to get a closer look.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket, but you ignored it as you enjoyed the bliss. Nothing but a few words and a lot of punches were exchanged between you and him. Soulmates were destined, and everyone only had one. Sometimes it felt like a huge joke, to be paired with someone who was programmed to kill you upon your first meeting. And yet, you found yourself wondering often where he ended up after Wakanda. You never had a chance to find out. The time to reintroduce yourself just never seemed to come. And then Steve, the only connection you had to him, was gone. The easiest thing you could do was to move on. But some days, you still wondered.

A cool breeze hit you, and you looked up just in time as a raindrop hit your cheek.

“Fuck,” you grumbled as the single drop turned quickly into a down poor. If you hadn’t gotten distracted, you would’ve made it home before the rain. Annoyed, you immediately spun around and ran for the crosswalk. You noticed a moment too late that you didn’t bother looking before stepping into the street.

Before you knew it, a pair of arms wrapped around you and yanked you backwards, sending your head flying downward into your chest. It took a second for you to realize that you were being dragged away from the road, your feet forgetting how to do their only job. In a moment of haste, you shoved yourself out of the strangers firm grasp.

“I’m safe now, thanks!” You huffed, pretending you weren’t completely embarrassed by what just occurred. The bus that almost hit you was still blaring its horn, the driver flicking you off in the most unprofessional of ways. Raising a sheepish hand, you averted eye contact with your savior as you grabbed your bag, which had, at some point in the encounter, been thrown to the ground.

“You’re fucking welcome, I guess.”

Your eyes snapped up at the sound of the voice, your cheeks getting hot. When your eyes found the stranger, you only caught his profile as he turned to walk away. His hair was much shorter, and he was dressed differently this time, but it was him. You’d know him anywhere.

“Bucky?”

The deja vu was enough in itself, but the way he reacted to the sound of his name made your heart pound in your throat. He froze as if someone hit the pause button on a remote control, and too many seconds passed by before he finally turned around, his eyes falling on yours.

When the world lit up around you, your lungs forgot how to breathe.

The TV static that had filled your vision for years was replaced with the vivid colors that you had experienced only once so long ago. Subconsciously, your hands covered your mouth as you looked around.

Bucky, on the other hand, couldn’t take his eyes off you. It was like the memory of you was on the tip of his tongue for years. Now that he was looking at you, he felt crazy for ever forgetting. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Finally, you looked back at him, seeming to remember that it wasn’t just the colors of the world that had returned to you.

“I- I never got your name,” were the first words to tumble out of his mouth. You broke out in a smile before telling him. He couldn’t tell which made him happier, the smile on your face, or the sound of your voice. So happy, in fact, that he could feel his chest get heavy, and his eyes tear up, though he quickly blinked those away. He didn’t need to cause another awkward meeting with you.

Little did Bucky know that you felt the same. Seeing him now, after all these years, knowing that he was not only alive but also healing, brought you so much joy that you couldn’t tell if you wanted to sob or yell out. And maybe kiss him, despite yourself. He was, after all, your soulmate.

“I’m sorry I tried to kill you,” he said sheepishly, his arm reaching behind his head to scratch his neck. There was something about his embarrassment that was so endearing to you.

“Well, you just saved my life,” you reminded him. “So I think we’re even now.” He smiled at the ground, a slight pink in his cheeks.

“Maybe I could buy you a coffee?” You offered. He looked back up, as if relieved by the invitation.

“I’ll buy,” He countered. “I think you’ve done enough today.”

But for the both of you, the day, and your lives, had only just begun.

#Bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes one shot #marvel fanfiction

238 notes · View notes

atlas-of-a-human-soul · 2 years

Text

Wildest dreams, pt. 11

Summary: A lot can change in a few days.

Warnings: angst, swearing, blood, mentions of death

Wildest Dreams Masterlist

------------------------------------

It’s day one without Paul.

Whenever Y/N was met with difficulties in the past, she’d dive right into a distraction. Sometimes those distractions included books that would cloud the disasters of realities, other times it was a TV series that would give her a fictional crush to daydream about, but this time she didn’t think Agent Ressler would be enough to drag her away from the pain of being a human.

If fictional worlds and characters failed her, she turned to school; except this time she had a job to bury her head into. If there is anything true in this world it’s that working in Urgent care is never boring and she certainly didn’t hide her smile when the first patient came in just seconds after she put that baby pink Littmann stethoscope around her neck.

Perhaps it makes her a sadist, but the bloodier the situation, happier she was. It’s the thrill of having to make difficult decisions while racing against the clock that first drew her to medicine. Y/N always liked puzzles and going into medicine guaranteed that she’d live life on hard difficulty mode of the most complex puzzles that would come through the door.

The adrenaline rush occupied her body and brain, taking away the pain of Paul’s absence. It’s rather helpful for a short while, but she can’t keep it up forever. Despite popular opinion, not every patient who is admitted will be a sawing trees gone wrong accident. Eventually, she’ll be left alone with her thoughts.

But not today, she thinks as her lips curl in a small smile. Meeting the eye of the nurse she was meant to have dinner with but never did, her smile falters. Anyone who had seen her smile in the face of a struggling patient would find her insane. Bet he’s glad she didn’t show up for that date now.

As expected, once the patient was taken care of and safely moved to a ward, she found herself swarmed by her worrisome thoughts.

Paul has called her an imprint – a soulmate, a predetermined partner. If he had told her that earlier, before she truly felt the unmistakable tether connecting them, Y/N would proclaim him to be a madman. She would have gotten a restraining order and shooed him from her house like a pest needing to be exterminated, but she can’t now, can she?

After all, she felt the agony in his heart when she asked him to leave. Her heart had quivered as his bottom lip did and when his eyes filled with tears she felt as if she would fall to her knees and sob as if all the world’s sorrows found a home in her chest.

Most book lovers would marvel at the chance of having a soulmate, someone who has to love you regardless of what shit person you might be, they have to stay, right? It’s the whole point of the bond – there is no walking away without a fate worse than death.

So how come she did?

She doesn’t know if it’s forever, but for now, she needed the space, the time to fully dissect the meaning of Paul’s words and what her heart may feel. He’s part of it, that much she knows, he’s vowen in the very fabric of her being, but the thought of being his, of being property of someone? That gives her cause to run. It terrifies her more than anything for being someone’s by default gives them power; something she promised herself no one would hold over her. It isn’t an equal partnership she seeks, it’s codependent, bound to explode in her face eventually.

Yet despite knowing all that, she finds herself thinking of him. Is the sadness in his eyes gone now? Does he think of her as often as he crosses her mind? Does he share her fears or has he fully accepted fate’s choice?

Would he have wanted her if he didn’t imprint?

He says he’s cared for her since as long as he can remember, but the bond may have made him believe that. What if his memories and feelings were twisted by it all so that he cannot walk away?

Looking out on the parking lot, she finds no one waiting for her. She stayed a few hours longer than usual, yet a part of her hoped Paul would be there for her. She’s asking him to leave her alone and still she wishes for nothing more than to see his face now. Swallowing thickly, she closes her eyes. She can’t go home now. Paul is crawling through every neuron in her mind, clawing into them as if the ghost of him lingers within her, searching for that part of her brain that wanted to excise him out her life in order to parley in his name.

Turning on her heel, she walks back inside as a wave of desperation washes over her. If she were to walk home now, she wouldn’t go to her house; she’d go to Paul’s.

It’s day two without Y/N. Tapping his fingers on the table, Paul watched Emily as she prepared lunch. He had taken the morning to sleep after he had drowned his sorrows in the night. He stood there in the trees by the hospital, his dark eyes focused on the entrance. The angle was perfect to see inside, just where the nurses’ station is; where she often talks to them. He’d seen her walk by a few times, rushing – always rushing. It’s as if she can’t make herself stop, to truly allow herself the luxury of peace.

Does she know of peace ever?

Paul waited and waited, unsure if he should walk out of the shadows and just talk to her. Perhaps he would have done so if he didn’t find himself in shambles moments before he had seen her outside the door.

It’s an unusual part of the bond most of the imprints fail to understand, but the shifters have a sense of their imprints’ emotions, of their torments. Most of them have learned to ignore the slighter changes in emotion in their day to day life, unless they need it to save themselves from an unnecessary argument, but the intense ones are impossible to tune out.

More intense the emotion, more likely the shifter feels it. For some it’s as simple as experiencing an alien feeling they can easily identify as their imprint, for others it’s like fighting a tidal wave as it drags them into the ocean.

For Paul, it was more like the latter.

All day her emotions were muffled, hidden almost, but now? The wave had crashed over him and he couldn’t fight it. Her eyes were searching the parking lot for him, he hoped, but he remained in the shadows as her eyes closed. She isn’t ready, he can sense it. If the mere thought of him, of them, is enough to cause these emotions, showing up would drive her insane.

So, as Paul watched her walk inside and dull the pain, he turned into the woods and headed home to a bottle of whiskey his father bought only two days before his untimely death. He sat in his father’s chair, the same one he watched him drink his youth away and he did the same; he drank until the alcohol levels in his blood were high enough to affect a wolf.

Now, all he wanted was breakfast. He didn’t feel Y/N, at all. Paul had learned it’s harder to feel her when she’s at work for when he’d focus all he’d get is a faster heartbeat and a headache. She must have stayed for the night shift and then continued to work her day shift too.

“You need a shower”, Emily remarks. “You stink.”

Smirking, Paul takes the pancake off the top. “Right after I finish these.”

“You’re lucky Quil didn’t come for breakfast”, she sits in the chair across from him. “You’d have to wait for dinner.”

“What about lunch?” Paul raises his brows before scoffing down a pancake.

“The boys are having lunch at Kim’s.”

Eyes wide, Paul glances at the door. If he hurries, she might save him a plate. After all, Kim tends to make the best lasagna he’s ever had and she only ever serves it for lunch.

“EAT THE PANCAKES”, Emily exclaims and he nods, quickly casting the delicious lasagna out of his mind. He’ll text Kim later and beg for leftovers.

Silently, he wiped the plate clean within minutes. If there’s one thing in life Paul has never joked about, it’s food. He’s always had a big appetite, being a wolf brought nothing new in his eating habits.

“She’ll come around”, Emily begins but Paul is quick to shake his head.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“You’re so convinced being in her life will cause her demise”, placing her hand over Paul’s causes him to tense up as she continues. “What if being away from her is the real reason?”

Licking his lips, Paul sighs. After all, it can be both. He doesn’t know why Y/N dies, just that she does and that image haunts every dream he’s had since he first saw her in the woods. Every dream, every night, but not last night – he didn’t dream, he was passed out and for the first time in his life, Paul understood his father. He didn’t drink because he found it fun, he did it so the betrayal of his wife didn’t sting so badly.

His dad must have had the gene that got passed onto him, perhaps he would have imprinted on his mother had he ever shifted. Maybe then she wouldn’t have cheated on him or dragged Paul away to Canada every holiday there possibly was, leaving his father alone in an eerily quiet house that was once a home.

“I’m scared of making the wrong choice”, Paul admits. “It doesn’t matter what I do, I can’t be sure she’ll be safe.”

“No”, Emily smiles sweetly, “but if you love her and do your best to protect her, no one will blame you regardless of the outcome. If you try, you’ll at least have time to love her and be loved by her.”

“Having her and losing her is worse than never having her at all. I’ve lived without her my whole life, I can live without her for whatever is left of it.”

Raising a brow, Emily gives his hand a light squeeze before pulling away. “And what was that life like? Meaningless one night stands and uncontrollable rage with regrets haunting your mind whenever the sun sets?”

Biting his lower lip, Paul shrugs. “It worked. For a while.”

“Isn’t the life with Y/N much better though? Or is the life you’re looking for at the bottom of an empty bottle?”

Shaking his head, Paul stands. “Nothing can compare to the mere idea of what my life with her could become, but I don’t get to choose. It’s her choice as it was yours and no matter how much it hurts I will not step over boundaries she set.”

“Jacob would”, Emily warns. “He wouldn’t think twice.”

“And that’s why his imprint is a vampire. If she were human, his selfishness would have gotten her killed.”

Standing too, Emily frowns. “Don’t walk away, Paul. Not unless she can tell you without hesitation that she doesn’t want you in her life.”

A small smile forces itself to the surface as Paul nods. “I won’t. Even then, I’d be there to watch over her.”

It’s day four without Paul. After coming home from a thirty-six hour long shift, Y/N passed out almost immediately. She didn’t quite know if she was human when she opened her eyes at the crack of dawn, courtesy of her alarm clock. It was a Thursday, a work day. Part of her considered just calling in sick, but then she found herself worried – would she be able to sit around and not go to him. She misses his quick remarks, their arguments and constantly annoying each other just to get a rise out of one another but then again, something changed between them lately, even before all his secrets came out.

It was still a teasing relationship, but they no longer sought to inflict true damage. Their arguments were more like a warm up to a genuine conversation – the kind where both of them would passionately speak about what is on their mind instead of just looking for a vulnerable place to sink a sharp blade into. Instead of being concerned about seeing him, Y/N was excited because she didn’t fear retribution if she slipped in his presence.

Paul would catch her, she realized. Teenage Paul might watch and laugh, but this Paul – her Paul – would do anything to make sure she was safe.

Dragging the tip of her tongue across her bottom lip as it stretched into a smile, she caught herself just in time – the thoughts of him have already started and the sun isn’t even up. She can’t stay at home.

She all but ran to work, choosing the long way around just as she did the day before. A part of her wondered if walking into the forest would make Paul appear, somehow alerting him that she’s in danger. Another part of her was certain that’s exactly what would happen and that part wasn’t certain she was ready to face him. So, she took the long way then and she takes it now as well.

She changes her clothes quickly, immersing herself in her role as a doctor once more. Some days she looks at her white coat and she can’t help but wonder how she got there. Studies call it The Imposter Syndrome and while she has a name for one of her demons, it doesn’t help her chase it away. Instead, she finds herself wrestling it each day for domination – she wins rather often, but today it didn’t seem like a fair fight.

Dry throat, she leans her elbow at the nurses station as her eyes focus at the entrance. Her body aches but her mind is shattering and while her psychiatrist would just tell her it’s the fact she barely slept the past few days, she felt it wasn’t quite as easy as that. The fabric of the world has changed before her eyes, the rules that apply to regular humans escape her and she may not be an expert in supernatural just yet, but the nagging feeling of impending doom clawing at her heart is undeniable and impossible to ignore.

Dread claims her insides, twisting and turning as sweat coats the back of her neck. She lets out a slow, controlled breath, attempting to loosen the tension in her shoulders but she can feel the fear in her chest waiting to take over. Perhaps it’s there to protect her, but there is no danger. Fear is supposed to be a part of natural intuition, it’s supposed to have a reason and purpose, yet this fear is a trigger to a primitive action Y/N worked hard on suppressing – the action of running.

She has spent her entire life running – from what had happened to her mother, from losing Jacob, from anyone who had shown her love and affection, from anything that required her to invest feelings and risk getting hurt.

Running isn’t an option anymore. She can’t run from what she doesn’t know. Pressing her lips in a thin line, she continues working instead. Waiting for the numbness to take over so logic could settle in, Y/N had spent most of her shift painfully aware work didn’t quite do the trick this time around. The overwhelming feeling of something going terribly wrong never quite left her, taking bits of her sanity with each passing minute.

Minutes before the end of her shift, she found herself in the same position as that morning, only eleven hours and fifty-six minutes earlier. She stares at the entrance, the feelings she felt earlier seem as if they’ve turned to chains wrapping all around her, ensuring she drowns.

Just as she’s about to shake it off and head to change, the door bursts open. Her eyes are wide as they meet Embry’s as the specks of blood on his eyelid draws her attention. Her heart drops as she runs toward him. She can hear Jacob’s voice, trying to explain but the sound of her raging heartbeat is too loud to understand him. As she stops before them, Sam’s hand on her shoulder causes her to flinch, turning to him only to see the hand is soaking her coat with blood. She’s pushing him aside to reveal the source of their terrified ramblings, her lips parted ever so slightly in an attempt to ignore the retched smell of blood that’s filling her nostrils.

As she looks between them, she finds the answer to the feelings she’s been fighting the whole day. Despite all the ways she tried to mute it, her heart was warning her of what’s to come – of the disaster she couldn’t have anticipated for before her, in his friends’ arms, is Paul. He is completely drenched in blood, eyes just barely opened.

“We tried helping him, but he isn’t healing”, Jacob’s voice reaches her and her lips set in a thin line, holding in a sob that’s trying to force its way out.

Her legs are wobbly, her mind is spinning and for once, Y/N doesn’t smile at the sight of a difficult patient.

Tags: @the-chaotic-cow @xxxjaexxx @captainrogers-19 @bexloxl @laehlaluvs @adaydreamaway08 @sunsetevergreen @volturiwolf @twihard08 @galacticstxrdust @sorrow-and-bliss @ireadthensuetheauthors @missxmarvelous @locokoca @unstablekay @makhaia @venusdelaroix @avadakadabra93 @tearsforhan @a-marie-a @lendeluxe

PART 12

#paul lahote #paul lahote x reader #twilight #twilight saga #twilight fanfiction #Twilight series #twilight fandom #paul lahote series #paul lahote imagine #jacob black #sam uley #embry call

761 notes · View notes

sorcerous-caress · 7 months

Note

That are some dnd race quirks you like to add for flavor?

I like to add that Gith flick their ears forward like Frilled-neck lizards to signal a non-verbal warning and chirp like tree frogs when very happy. ( they will try to kill others to hide it.)

Elves can purr but Drow can't, kinda like how some big cats can't roar but can meow.

Drow blink slowly to show affection and their eyes reflect how stimulated they currently are. ( they will also try to kill others to hide it.)

-githzerai anon

I really like your concept about gith, honestly it's very wholesome.

The frog symbolism works especially great with the mindflayers octopus thing since frogs start their lifecycle as aquatic tadpoles and are able to go on land.

Hmm for me.

I like the idea that elves are inherently just plants/fungus. Cannibalism has no consequences for them because of it but the modren elf doesn't bring it up much. Like while it would take a life or death situation for a human to eat the flesh of someone else, it would take much less for an elf to do it.

Humans start with an xp multiplier because how can you justify having a human wizard and an elf wizard be at the same level? So humans just tend to learn or absorb things faster

Gnomes have the most complex and intertwined political structures between all the other races, they're just veru secretive about it.

Dwarves treat your birthstone like how humans treat your zodiac signs.

Dragonborns and Gith bond over being born from eggs. Drows take care of gaint spider eggs for Lolth a lot so they can relate a bit.

Dragonborns and Draconic bloodline people do take some personality traits from the dragon they're based on, gold ones tend to be chatty and social while red ones tend to be arrogant. It's not a very prominent thing, your own personality traits will shine more but sometimes the dragon's traits slip through.

Oh and they can eat gems, both of them. It does nothing.

The feeling of shame, self loathing and jealously are inherently human traits. Other races feel them but at a much more watered down version

Likewise elves can feel so many other types of love that most races can't comprehend, but also much more types of hate.

Passion for dwarves shapes the meaning of their lives.

Tieflings are allergic to holy water, not deathly but more of a sneezing and itching allergy.

Half-orcs have very advanced and affordable dental care.

Dragonborns do shed their scales like snakes, their scales are extremely sensitive after so they do it alone.

Curly hair is exclusive to humans, Haflings, and tieflings. If you have it, there is a big chance one of your ancestors mingled with one of those races to add it to the gene pool.

Same with brown eyes, it's very common in humans but very rare in other races. A lot of them are really fascinated by it.

It's mostly why Dwarves think humans were carved out of great rocks deep in the earth. They see them as an excellent work of art and their creator should be praised.

But well, humans don't have a creator in dnd, no god and no origin.

I like that a lot, because when a god exists and is omnipotent, it technically erases free will for that race. If the god knows everything you're going to do before you do it, then you're predetermined.

But with humans, there is no god, so they are the most free and unpredictable of the races. Even when they try to sort them into boxes, the idea of humanity is that there is no ideal shape for a human to be moulded into.

Another flavour text i like to add, is that maybe humans were made in the image of the said gods but without any of the godly powers. So they have extremely short lives where they feel like they're missing something greatly and are never satisfied with all the powers or knowledge they collect. They always want more, to go further or deeper or faster.

Maybe try to weave the whole forbidden apple into it, humans were cursed by it to be the thing they are today. They are born with inherited sins. It explains why they are so squishy and defenceless, they were meant to stay in a safe bubble in heaven the gods created for them and not roam the dangerous lands.

But they got too curious for their own and paid the price.

Still i do prefer the no-known creator origin for humans, i a world so well documented it is funny to think human origin was the biggest mystery all along.

#♡human kink #♡githzerai anon

27 notes · View notes

thewertsearch · 1 year

Text

Asks Comp 13/4

I think he's behind that door. The platform bears his symbol, and it's his final chance to show up in-game.

The best theory I have is that Bilious Slick is the god of Sgrub, and he only appears to a party of Players who have truly proven themselves. Given that Sgrub's endgame involves the creation of a universe, his role probably relates to this in some way.

Maybe he's the one who grants the Players the 'seed' - or whatever else is mechanically required to alchemize a universe.

The thought has occurred to me, too! I've been skimming some old posts while writing asks, and a couple of things have stood out to me.

We still don't know who the pen pal is. I'm still convinced he has something to do with Grandpa Harley, and my best guess is that he's someone who contains Grandpa as an alchemical component.

The session monitor in Skaianet's lab has a new meaning now. Every single one of those sessions could spawn a universe. And it's been implied that every planet with intelligent life will eventually spawn Sburb sessions. If you do the maths, it's clear that each universe should spawn billions of sessions. Just how many 'children' does each universe produce?

Ooh, yes, let's think about the implications of all this on my 'sonas!

If we assume that the kidsona was on comic-canon Earth, then she's in the universe created by the Zodiac trolls. The universe that she and the trollsona could create could be a completely new one!

...that is, if they create a universe at all. There's nothing saying you have to use that grist on a universe, and they might have other plans...

I was actually thinking about Tinkers when I made that post!

I read Worm a couple of years ago. In retrospect, it would also have made pretty good liveblogging material, although probably not quite as good as Homestuck. There's some great stuff in Worm, but a lot of what I really like about it doesn't show up until close to the end.

I initially assumed that the Psychic Double Reacharound was a contingency plan that she'd prepared earlier, since she couldn't possibly have come up with something so elaborate in the heat of the moment, while bleeding out on the ground.

But then I remembered she came up with the Sollux/Mind Honey plan seemingly on the spot, and now I'm not so sure. God damn, Vriska.

This is genuinely super flattering. I hope the inconsistency isn't too much of an issue - and, yes, I note the irony of saying this immediately after a four-month hiatus!

If was clear from early on that things in Homestuck weren't always what they seemed. Hell, sometimes they're not even what we're shown.

We have to assume some of what we're being told is true, or else we wouldn't have a story - but we always have to remember who's telling the story.

[Lol I love this fic. lots of **GIANT** spoilers tho, just because of the nature of the fic. For example, big ones starting at 16, 55 and 57 - C]

Recommended, and does apparently contain spoilers - but this is one I'm particularly looking forward to.

It's kind of a funny question, isn't it?

From Davesprite's perspective, he did change the future - his future. John died, but he 'changed things' - and now John's alive, even though he was dead 'before'.

But if you zoom out a little, you can see that this change was predetermined by the Alpha Timeline, which always depended on these events. Davesprite changed the first-order future - but the meta-future was always set in stone.

The Medium's timeline is so weird, isn't it? Its retroactive existence is difficult to puzzle out.

I don't think you could see the history of your Land by travelling back before you entered. All physical evidence of that history is there, but it's generated in a single instance when you Enter, and can't be accessed. It's analogous to read-only-memory.

After all, John, Rose and Dave are in the past with respect to LOJADE, but they're never going to see its 'history' - and Jade's Entry isn't going to insert it into the Medium retroactively. It won't have been 'there all along' when John was flying around earlier on his jetpack - it'll only ever have been there from Jade's Entry onwards.

As for getting into Earth's past, I think Karkat had it right, when he described the kids' original universe as 'a set of points to choose from'. You can't get into Earth's past by time-travelling around the Medium, but that doesn't really matter, since you can open portals into any point in its history, as long as you have the gear.

They're fascinating questions, aren't they?

Pre-Exile, she was the Tradition Wrangler - a Prospitian lawyer who struggled to interpret the Medium's archaic laws!

DD is a man of action, and I'm sure he approves of any Player who acts decisively themselves.

Plus, I'm sure he can emphasize with Aradia's situation. After all, it sucks to be bossed around by someone whose motivations make no goddamn sense half the time.

Common Terezi W.

True - she didn't need to hold her there for long. The laser pointer thing is a better analogy, blinding her almost instantly. I don't think it's any less fucked-up - it's more like a different flavor of fucked-up.

That's a pretty impressive robotics feat for Equius, actually. I wonder what Aradiabot is actually made of?

Tracing the source of alchemy gear is one of my favorite Homestuck 'minigames'.

Hivebent's art is fantastic! I really see why the comic blew up around this time. It's really coming into its own, stylistically. Of particular note is the art of Make Her Pay, and the art accompanying Aradia's final monologue. I can't wait to see more!

Gamzee is just too high to be rendered in a less symbolic manner.

Sollux is broken, and probably another mutant. The Sgrub trolls don't seem surprised by his level of power - but considering their circle includes other absurd espers like Aradia and Vriska, they probably aren't the best people to ask about what's normal.

Damn, I wish we could have seen more of Alternia. I know some of the spin-offs dig into this, but I hope we get more in canon, too.

Terezi's dream self is blind, because that's the version of herself she identifies most with. There's very little doubt in my mind that your dream self would reflect your self-perception in other ways, too. Skaia is clearly an ally - thank you, king.

You could imagine a Player whose dream self changes after they realize - or conversely, a Player whose dream self cracked their eggy loking thign. I'd be surprised if there weren't many fanfictions where this is a plot point - and depending on how things shake out in the comic itself, I'm not ruling it out.

In asking about magic, Kanaya really does start to sound like the young child that she is. It's easy to forget, but heartbreaking when you remember.

A few people have talked about this, so I added all of my 'immediate reaction' posts to the liveblog tag! I think it got them all - other than LOLCAT, which I missed and will add now - but if there are others, let me know!

I guess Matespritship isn't explicitly described in terms of romantic love. It's described as a close analogue of human romance, which is 'rooted in strongly positive emotions'. I've been assuming, based on that, that Red Romance is effectively interchangeable with the human concept of romantic love - but I suppose that's not necessarily the case.

I do think you're hitting on a very good point, here, too, which is that the quadrant system itself is described as something that trolls need. I think the 'need' for these categories is enforced, artificially, for the benefit of the Empire. It wouldn't be the first institution to pull something like this.

Either way, it'll be interesting to see how the troll/human ships end up shaking out. It's going to be a challenge to merge their respective relationship frameworks. The best solution, of course, is for them to experience their own relationships without any cultural baggage, but I don't think I'm just speaking for myself when I say that that's easier said than done!

#asks #full liveblog #act 5

59 notes · View notes

mobius-m-mobius · 5 months

Note

I know I am wildly late to this observation, but I just rewatched Thor for the first time in a very long while, and. I'd genuinely forgotten that at the start Thor is headed down a path at least as dark as Loki's? I mean Loki is making very extremely bad choices, but Thor isn't exactly less horrifying with his whole jumping straight to the 'lets "break the spirit" of an entire realm by murdering as many of them as it takes' shtick. And it's just so clearly laid out that the divergent paths they are on by the end of the first film isn't illustrative of some inherent difference in their natures or predetermined by choices they'd made before the film started. The difference is that Thor gets the opportunity to love and be loved by people outside the skewed and insulated world he grew up in, to be loved without strings attached, and discovers that the friends he had all along loved him more unconditionally, aside from his power and conquests, than he'd realized. While Loki learns that their father attaches all sorts of strings to his love, and 'learns' (somewhat truthfully with regard to Odin I think, though not with Thor or Frigga), that the love he had from them was always conditional, mitigated, based on lies and offered to a version of himself that never existed.

And I just—my point isn't 'you can't blame him for his war crimes 'cause he was sad', just that. Man it really was about love from the very beginning!!!

(P.S. I sent you an inordinately long series of messages about s1 Loki a couple weeks back, and your response was delightful, and added excellent points—just wanted to say that you; that was lovely of you, and I really appreciate how kind you always are on this blog!!)

Hey there anon, lovely to hear from you again! Thank you so much for your own kind words and taking the time to send another message! Your previous ones were a wonderful read as is this and as far as I'm concerned there's no such thing as being late to anything that isn't already scheduled, especially regarding media or fandom when there's a chance to discover someone/something new around every corner 💖💖

(Case in point how unexpected getting this captivated by a Marvel series was for me, which I only bring up because, well... quick disclaimer, I have an understanding of everything that happened in phase 1 but haven't exactly seen any of the Thor movies or until a few weeks into the airing of Loki had any real exposure to anything Marvel/Loki related between the original Avengers movie and then, which ironically I love because the moment S1 kicks off Loki's journey is where my perspective starts as well!)

As Loki mentioned many times previously, Thor truly wasn't ready to rule back then (not that Loki was either, lol) and you're not only exactly right about them both going down dark paths but I see Thor's view as worse considering he grew up surrounded by a level of confidence in companionship Loki never knew. The attack on Jotunheim pretty much says it all when Thor didn't hesitate to use hurt pride as an excuse to kill as many Frost Giants as possible, then after getting an entire war kicked off all Thor's friends were actually angrier with Loki for letting news of their visit get back to Odin despite the fact that they would've all been killed otherwise 🙃

Odin not being the best father to either of them is an understatement but there are unspoken conditions to his interactions with and love for Loki specifically due to his birth that (by nature of what an imposing figure Odin is) would almost subliminally impact everyone within range so I can't even imagine growing up in the midst of that and having no idea of the real cause, though I don't doubt Frigga's love for him or that the Thor of now wants them to be equals. It really does all come back to love from beginning to end, and makes it all the more important that Loki finally found that love and acceptance beyond his wildest dreams in Mobius so here we are now just waiting for them to find their way back to each other :')

#yes i'm aware of the universe audibly laughing at me as i devote my life to a marvel property lol #all bc of silver dilf owen wilson. the mcu knew mine and loki's weakness was a time bureaucrat with a heart of gold before we did 😔🙏#and ty again for the ask!! i might not know quite as much about things outside the loki series but love learning about them in comparison #just previously had little mcu interest and now very limited free time that only goes towards watching owen related media 😂#but i completely agree with all the points you made and have interestingly noticed they're ones not often acknowledged in the fandom #also always appreciate so much when anyone thinks of me when something about the show or anything else is on their mind!!#sending lots of love your way towards an amazing weekend! 💕#ask

14 notes · View notes

give-soup-please · 2 years

Text

Been replaying TSPUD, because that's all I do these days, and I think I realized when the game became so special to me. And I don't mean when I played the game, because I hopped on the day it came out. I mean the moment when I realized that the game was going to do something special. And it's fairly early on within the new content, after you go past the jump circle for the first time. It's very simple, but the first time I heard it, it shook me to my core. Italics emphasise the lines that made me realize that it was doing something major.

"It's my fault, Stanley. I built up too much anticipation around the new game, I'm afraid. It could never have lived up to such expectations. If you're still with me, why don't we just reset the game and we'll try to get back to what The Stanley Parable is really about. No frills. No gimmicks. Just you and me, having a great time together like always. What do you say, friend?"

And like many of you, I was SHOOKETH when he said this. Because what TSPUD introduced that didn't exist much in the original game was the sense of camaraderie. And going through all the new content, that's what it feels like. We aren't fighting back against the narrator for control, we're hanging out.

You'll notice that almost all the bucket endings are lighter and softer than the original ones, especially the explosion ending which turns into the silly bird ending and the fact that you can't access the zending while holding said bucket. The narrator gets a lot less mad at Stanley/us when we go off track. Every time I notice the differences between the OG game and UD, it makes me want to shout from the rooftops.

'He is capable of change!' Is what I'd yell. Because not only is it lovely to see him become a bit less rough around the edges, but even the idea of someone stuck on a particular narrative path being able to have the capacity for change despite his limitations is revolutionary. That is a major step forward for him. And for those of us still stuck in bad living situations, it's a wonderful message.

Yes, we live in unideal situations. Yes, things are hard. Yes, there are a lot of days when it feels like the exact same bullshit on loop again and again. But there are still ways to etch out progress. There are still ways to find peace, to find energy, to fight back against the predetermined paths we're on. Healing will be slow until we leave, but there can still be healing.

And you know what? According to some interpretations, the narrator does end up leaving. When he talks about retiring his story for good and moving on, maybe he does. And it's occupying my mind a lot tonight, as I switch between doing homework, playing the game, working on my fic, and realizing that I don't have to go back to my parents place for thanksgiving.

He's changed. We've changed. We're no longer bitter enemies. And I can't put it into words, (and yes, I recognize he's a fiction) but-

How completely delightful it is to spend time with him like this. Less bickering, less fighting, more peaceful moments. There's something so beautiful about that.

#tsp #narrator #ya boi soup back at it again with brainrot about everyone's favorite narrative device #narrator my beloved #if only there was a way to hold hands with him #get davey on the phone- we need a handholding button

71 notes · View notes

bluef00t · 5 months

Note

speaking of Atomic Robo and Hellboy, one similarity they have that I've always thought was interesting outside of all the staple pulp stuff was the "government granted human status." it's more of a point of tension for Robo than it is for Hellboy (as far as I remember), but do you have any thoughts on it? It feels kind of unnecessary cause I don't think it would really stop them from doing what they do if they didn't have it, but it is an interesting bit of lore that's unique to them.

Answering this and the related asks under the cut:

(annoying pedant voice) really, everyone's legal human status is "government granted". But I get what you mean. I suspect it's a byproduct of needing a ~super durable ageless inhuman~ protagonist who can still move around the world the way any human character could. And you're right, it's almost an afterthought in Hellboy.

I suppose it's largely genre: fantasy horror focuses on the spiritual and science fiction focuses on the material. For Hellboy, the true battle for his humanity is over his soul, his destiny, which are very tangible concepts in his world! Does he have the free will to live as a man when he was created and summoned as a pawn to bring about Ragnarok? Even he isn't sure, and the question upsets him as much as it does anyone in charge of him.

Logical issues like voting + property rights are more relevant to Robo's world. Tech is regulated by some major government agencies, covering his life's work and his body. Robo is sure he's a person in every way that matters; that's not a point of debate. But starting Tesladyne was made possible by deliberate PR + legal decisions recognizing him as Tesla's heir rather than his property.

It's interesting, placing these side-by-side. Usually fictional robots are the face of predetermined purpose (and the struggle to transcend that) while demons are figures of chaotic freedom (and clever navigation through rules and deals which bind them). But Hellboy is rewarded for filling a role he was practically raised for; Robo takes a rather Faustian bargain behind his dad's back. Those swapped patterns recur all over both series' humor and drama.

I guess government-granted humanity has been a point of tension for both—in Conqueror Worm, Hellboy quits the BPRD over how they treat another nonhuman agent as dangerous and disposable, and in Savage Sword of Dr. Dinosaur, the media circus around the missing WMDs includes a call to reclassify Robo as a weapon—but there's never a moment where losing human status is an actual threat. It's not like the "war on terror" has any trouble dehumanizing actual humans; and let's be honest, Hellboy has MUCH bigger problems on his hands. (Hand?)

That's something Alan has in common with Hellboy. "Does the government think you're a person?" kind of takes a back seat to "so are you going to end the world when you grow up?"

Robo's vamps are functionally just fast zombies while Hellboy gets the full package of classical vampire lore. Though they both have exceptions, Rex Cannon as a pretentious scheming science vampire and those Nazi experiments as mindless infected fantasy vampires.

Vampires are a pretty broad pulp category though and there are WAY wackier enemy similarities, like, both comics I mentioned last section end with a giant Worm-that-looks-like-a-caterpillar erupting out of the ground?

Every time I think about the overlap, particularly in the early volumes, I remember this (Q&A with Clevinger on somethingawful)

I don't know if this is funnier if he means the '04 or '08 movie, since Scott Wegener is doing such an obvious Mignola pastiche on the first couple issues. Like, was that resignation, or a "oh I just assumed we were on the same page about that" moment. Also, interesting to cite Shadow from Beyond Time as the point of divergence from Hellboy, since that's the most Lovecraft that Atomic Robo has ever gotten. But I'd say the same thing. Maybe the similar enemy makes the differing approach that much more obvious.

Right, this question was about vampires. Pour one out for every Hellboy enemy with a world-takeover plan who got interrupted by Rasputin's Kaiju Ragnarok Hell World Extravaganza. You know, it really takes guts to end your world and mean it.

I like it a lot!

I'm not 100% sure what "genuine" means to you. "Authentic" in style? The Lobster and Jack Tarot are such direct homages that I'd only have a miniseries' worth of interest in them alone before I hit the "why am I not reading an actual period comic, again?" point. But they're quite fun as archetypes of genre history for our main character to look up to.

(I almost said "to have as a role model", but maybe not. The Lobster and Jack Tarot are definitely played as shooting in the face first, asking questions never.)

To extend their adventures to the modern day, the Hellboy/Atomic Robo/Tom Strong style of neo-pulp protagonist ends up a bit super-human. (Really, they're just continuing the pulp tradition of constantly surviving things that should definitely kill a normal person.) But they avoid the kiiinda condescending attitude some superhero authors have towards unpowered pulp-homage mentors, maybe because they're inheriting not just an aesthetic or idealized sense of justice, but the whole adventure philosophy. Their new abilities aren't here to make the old guard obsolete.

Not that they don't get a bit of genre shock. Lobster Johnson the proto-superhero dies trying to stop a crazy Lovecraft fantasy Nazi scheme—but death in the world of Hellboy is not as simple as "failure", and becomes a part of the fantasy-horror landscape himself when he helps out Abe in the 21st century. Jack Tarot the crime-fighter spends an embarrassed climax scene tied up and dumbfounded by the sci-fi nonsense he stumbled into, but Helen picks up right where he left off. Actually, Robo's world is friendly to a number of genre heroes—the Sparrow, the She-Devils, and the Science Team Super Five.

Maybe by "genuine" you meant "real in-world"? In that case, I actually like that they play both sides. A bit of the pulp magic is stored in the medium and the funny ways that kids latch onto fiction before they know how to sort it out from reality.

I also appreciate that the net is thrown wider than just comics: Hellboy reads pulp periodicals and was in a crappy B movie once (though that's not exactly a happy memory), while Robo as a 1920s kid is into radio plays. (I wonder how he feels about the rise of podcasts?)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don't think my brain really reads things "out loud". I can say if a voice sounds wrong to me, but I never know what's right until I hear it. I can at least say that pre-WWII Robo has a more boyish golly-gee-willikers tone in my head.

Weird side note, but half this post has been weird side notes so I might as well say it: I found the Atomic Robo Nuts and Bolts podcast and was not prepared for what either artist or writer sounded like. Based on online presence alone (and, okay, maybe my personal stereotypes of comic writers vs artists) I would have guessed they were the other way around entirely. Even knowing now, Martin and Louis still don't have "voices" in my head!

#this is so many words thank you for letting me monologue #atomic robo #hellboy #this was a good number of asks in a row--if you wanted to actually chat instead of letting me listen to the sound of my own voice #then my DMs are open--at least I think they are

9 notes · View notes

esther-dot · 2 years

Note

Do you think that George confirming the thing about Aegon and the Long Night could imply that he's getting attached to the Targs? Do you think he could retcon his planned ASOIAF ending?

Oh, I think Martin is unquestionably attached to the Targs! But I believe he always was? I bet he has a lot of fun writing Targs because there are no parameters on their behavior because they’re so outrageous. He can run as far as he wants with any idea. These people feel like gods, it has to be a special kind of buzz to write people like that. There's also a certain kind of humor in characters who think they’re so much better than everyone else that they inbreed to remain pure and thereby cause their own demise. So don't take my disinterest in them as an assertion that Martin doesn't like them. I'm sure he does. I think he's attached to all his characters. That's a natural part of writing. Even if a character is evil, they're something you created, and therefore, dear.

And no, I do not think he will retcon his planned ASOIAF ending. He has said many, many times that he's known his ending for the main characters for a long time, decades now, and whether you think GoT had no similarity to his planned ASOIAF ending or if you think there are aspects of it that will be the same (King Bran is confirmed as coming from him), I don't think anything would make him change his predetermined endpoints. Obviously because of his writing style, the journeys are evolving, but I can’t see him giving up on what he’s envisioned from so early on. I think he’s in a difficult situation rn in that he can’t be critical of HBO/their adaptations of his works because he’s under contract, but D&D mishandled GoT so he needs to delicately create more space between their version of his story and his, hence emphasizing all the differences, and like, duh, we already knew there were major differences! But that’s hard for him to maintain the distance because GoT ended so badly, HBO has to tout his involvement in HOTD to reassure fans this wont be another dumpster fire so he’s there doing interviews to help promote a show in which the showrunners/writers are already changing things and want to align HOTD with GoT.....it’s a pickle.

As for Aegon's prophecy/dream, we have to have very clear in our minds that whatever information Martin gives the showrunners, they are using for their own goals, interpreting it to help their show and contribute to HBO’s ASOIAF cinematic universe, and that is all totally fine because it’s enriching Martin, but that does not mean it will be used to say the thing that Martin intended to say with it.

Some of the quotes I've seen floating around sounded like Martin said "Aegon was a dreamer" and then the showrunners ran with that to make Aegon conquering Westeros more sympathetic, and some quotes sound like he specifically told them Aegon conquered Westeros to unite it and save it, so I’m a little confused about the whole thing. And of course, I'm not seeing all the discussion/searching out information because this show simply isn't for me. As always, I’ll still run my mouth though. 😊

I'm going to paste in a large section of an interview with the showrunner and Martin and bold some things:

It’s the prophetic dream of Aegon the Conquerer, or, as the first rule of all Seven Kingdoms called it, the Song of Ice and Fire—or as we know it, the events shown in Game of Thrones. Showrunner Ryan Condal wanted to use it to connect the new show with the original, but it turns out the dream wasn’t Condal’s idea. “He [George R.R. Martin] told us very early on in the room—just as he casually mentions the fact that Aegon the Conqueror was a dreamer. He saw a vision of the White Walkers coming across the wall and sweeping over the land with cold and darkness. And but it never made the history book because [Aegon] never told anyone, or at least the people they told didn’t tell the history to the history writers. So it’s in George’s head.” It’s nice of the author to just casually let it slip this was a legit thing that merely just existed in his head as how things went down in the Dragon House, as the Targaryen secret passed from leader to leader. “And at some point, it will come out, as Martin told us,” Condal continued. “So, you know, with his permission, of course, we infused that into the story because it was such a great way to create resonance with the original show. One of the things we struggled with is that there are 170 years of gap between our show and the birth of Daenerys Targaryan as you’re told in the opening titles.” he said, “How do you create that resonance? You don’t have any characters that survive but these ideas and these concepts of this existential threat to Westeros that we know as fans and watchers of the original show are coming. ” Obviously, this might fill each leader in the Targaryen line with an extra ounce of anxiety (perhaps even fueling their genetic madness) that they’ll be the one to have to lead Westeros through this winter storm. “If we see that enter into this world and make them aware of it and give them this higher purpose to ascend as sovereigns, as rulers, then the Iron Throne isn’t just a seat of power. It’s a seat of responsibility and a burden to carry forward this idea that sounds crazy if you talk about it.” Condal explained. “What happens if Rhaenyra just tells somebody, ‘Hey, there’s this prophecy that’s the reason that I can’t actually go in and intervene in this problem that’s happening elsewhere in the realm.’ And then what? You sound nuts or you sound like you’re trying to avoid a problem. It gave a lot of it gave us a lot of interesting, dramatic stuff to play with. And it gave us a real sense of spirituality, I think, which definitely existed in the original show, this idea that their magic was coming back into the world, the only real magic in this world is the Dragons. So we were looking for that other thing that we could connect to ourselves across that space and time and make Game of Thrones feel like it was all happening in one cohesive universe.” While we as viewers know that the White Walkers are out there and that winter does indeed eventually come, it does lend more intrigue to why the rise of a Queen, as the one her father believes would be the right person to handle it over his own brother, would create division in the realm that can’t know about the dream...at least, for now. It’ll be interesting to see how this motivation plays out as the Targaryen family feud gets started. (link)

So it sounds like Martin confirms Aegon’s dream is from him and it sounds like the Targs kept this a secret and somehow it was lost/forgotten, but two things:

The showrunners wanted to make HOTD feel directly related to GoT so they were looking for ways to tie in the Others, Jon, and Dany. As expected.

They decided to use the dream idea to give the Targs a “higher purpose”

Maybe Martin will post a blog about how no, really, he does want us to support Aegon’s conquest as having a higher purpose, but until the words come out of his mouth, let’s just remember that if the idea was to save people it makes no sense for Aegon and Visenya to spend years terrorizing Dorne, burning almost every stronghold. Also, wasn’t that after Torrhen knelt? The threat is in the North. You can’t claim the Targ conquest was sincerely motivated by the hope to protect people when they were running around massacring them even though they already had control of most of Westeros and the region where the threat was. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t think what we know of their history supports the idea that the Targs were doing this as a service to mankind, not when they just slaughtered people instead of talking to the Northerners, recognizing their dreams align with the stories the Northerners have of the Others, and finding a common interest there and...I don’t know, persuading others to their cause. It’s almost like the Targs cause was ruling, not really serving, and everything they knew/that happened justified their desire to rule in their own minds. Oh, yeah, a third thing:

they decided the throne to the Targs was no longer power but responsibility

I think @eonweheraldodemanwe pointed out that the Targs didn’t prepare and actually made things worse, so deciding this wasn’t about power but the responsibility they felt to protect humanity is laughable. Obviously they could tell themselves the most important thing was that they were ruling, they could tell themselves it wasn’t selfish but service, that doesn’t mean it’s true though. The showrunners may try to convince people it’s true, but I’m not sure there’s reason to think that interpretation is a Martin thing. We need to have lots of skepticism here as far as believing they're conveying Martin's intent accurately.

And rabbit trail, but if their interpretation was correct, this is a major missed opportunity by D&D. Dany is Aegon come again, she has dreams in the books, she should have had the dream too (people already say her dream about usurper’s host armored in ice is about the Others), but not told anyone. In GoT, it should have been there, weighing on her, but obviously, she doesn’t know what it means, and when Jon came to visit, she should have been completely dismissive of him until he says something and she realizes what he is talking about is what she saw. Obviously she wouldn’t know what they’re called, she only had some images from a dream, but something he says could click and then we wouldn’t need deus ex machina cave paintings to convince Dany it’s true. If these visions happened seasons ago and Dany was haunted by them, Jon and Dany’s meeting would feel like destiny of a personal kind. Imagine that moment. Dany’s secret nightmare being voiced by this stranger from the North.

It wouldn’t only explain Dany’s sudden interest in Jon, if the Northern Lords were more resistant to switching their focus to the threat in the North rather than the threat in the South, if no one else really bought in, if Tyrion was very skeptical and scoffing, but Dany hears, she sends everyone away in their first meeting, and she says she knows it’s real because she has seen them...it would explain why Jon is drawn to her. Instead of the bond being entirely inexplicable and their relationship progressing from enemies to prisoner to suicide mission to lovers, Jon’s loyalty to her would have made sense because she believed him when no one else did, and she would have felt drawn to him because he was connected to her dreams, her fear, and seeking her out would make it all seems mystical, like destiny, to her.

If Martin wants Dany to have a thing with Jon, something like this and her other dream about a shadowy lover and her belief that there will be other dragon riders could all work together to make her interested in Jon when, judging by the guys she is usually attracted to, she shouldn’t be. If Martin told D&D this was going to be a thing in the future books and D&D didn’t bother... 😂 I’m not saying that’s how he will use it, just find it odd if it’s that big a deal and D&D didn’t use it.

Back to the topic at hand though!

For the showrunners, it makes sense to write as much complexity and pathos into Targaryen history as they can. They have a show to make and it can’t be 100% one note, they can’t be really negative about them. D&D tried to act like Dany was still a sweetheart even after she burned KL. I don’t think it’s surprising for these showrunners to pull the same crap. There are many, many reasons other than story reasons for them to make decisions and accurately conveying Martin’s themes and ideas isn’t the top priority.

But what do we know of Martin’s themes and ideas regarding visions/dreams/prophecies?

If we think about ASOIAF and how we see prophecy/visions/dreams functioning in it, we can assume Martin would be using this idea (whatever it is, i keep seeing people throw around different terms) to discuss how prophecy impacts people, what happens to them as it works on their minds and wears away at them, what they will justify to themselves because of these prophecies, how their worldview and surroundings dictates their interpretation of them.

Nearly everyone in the fandom knows Dany will die in the end (we argue over as a hero or as a villain), and if she were to die fighting against the Others, we’d have to conclude Martin has written “the chosen one” trope in a pretty straightforward fashion. Only, not just her, but her entire family history for hundreds of years, a “chosen one” story for the Targaryens as a whole. Not even GoT, as cringe as it became, did that.

The alternative is that prophecy/visions can be a dark force, an erosive force, eating away your values, something people use to defend their choices when any generic principles or morals might tell you that you are wrong. Does Martin actually think a dream or vision makes it ok to burn people alive? Does he think it’s ok to massacre countless people because they don’t want to bend the knee? What about burning a child, a daughter, to achieve your ends? Stannis burning Shireen is coming, that’s confirmed from Martin, and we already know how he feels about that.

"Your Grace," said Davos, "the cost . . ."

"I know the cost! Last night, gazing into that hearth, I saw things in the flames as well. I saw a king, a crown of fire on his brows, burning . . . burning, Davos. His own crown consumed his flesh and turned him into ash. Do you think I need Melisandre to tell me what that means? Or you?" The king moved, so his shadow fell upon King's Landing. "If Joffrey should die . . . what is the life of one bastard boy against a kingdom?"

"Everything," said Davos, softly. (ASOS, Davos V)

But Stannis had a vision! But Aegon had a vision! But Dany had a vision! Think of the cost. Is Martin saying what these character do for the sake of the vision is worth the cost? I don’t think so.

Game of Thrones made us watch Dany burn hundreds of thousands of people alive. She murdered women and children, then acted like it was a tragedy that she died. They whitewashed her, they deluded her fans, they justified her conquering Westeros with some “for the greater good” idea, so it isn’t surprising that the HOTD showrunners who said they wanted to connect their show to GoT not only latched onto the Others idea, but also decided to commence to whitewashing their Targs. Of course they're gonna try to take the most sympathetic approach they can. They have hundreds of years of Targ history and countless shows they wanna make. They're gonna fill in the blanks to make that profitable to them. That’s only natural.

BUT.

We don’t have to conclude that Martin has suddenly reversed his moral stance on this. Their goals aren’t his. I mean, I find it odd, I think this might be adding nonessential complexity, but I think it very easily fits in with what he does with vision/prophecy elsewhere.

#ask dot

23 notes · View notes

just-some-guy-at-shiz · 8 months

Text

When I read the novel for the first time, I was surprised that Boq and Nessa didn’t have a thing to do with each other. Fortunate for him, of course, but unexpected.

I sort of felt as though it was a missed opportunity. Mostly I agreed with the decisions made in both versions as necessary to their respective narratives. But I was bit let down that Glinda wasn’t a larger presence in the original, and I was let down that the tin man and scarecrow have absolutely no connections to Elphaba. That they’re as random as one would assume initially. We spend a good deal of time in Boq’s mind at Shiz, but then he suddenly leaves the narrative, only to return briefly, as a coincidence that could have been anyone. Glinda is quite similar. I felt like something was lost. But I know this has some intentional meaning.

The foreshadowing in the musical almost implies destiny. The way that every character appearance, every interaction, drives the plot and leads to their eventual fates. This is the way of musicals. The novel, despite Yackle’s talk early on, discards the notion of any sort of predetermination. So much happenstance. So many occurrences that just happen and then have no influence whatsoever later on. More like real life, I suppose. Not everything and everyone has some huge meaning. Sometimes things happen just to happen. Sometimes you forge bonds with people close to you and think you’ll always be connected, and then you don’t see each other, and if you ever meet again, you’re essentially strangers. You don’t have any connection, save a knowledge that you used to, and a sort of guilty obligation to revive it despite the lack of the friendship to do so in any way that matters. Just like Boq first telling Elphaba how they knew each other when they were kids. That’s the only foreshadowing in this book, hinting at the way all of these friends will be to each other with time. Sure, we may have known each other. What does it matter now? What does it matter now? What does it even mean anymore?

I wish Boq had stayed a character character in the way he was in the chapters at Shiz. Even if it does mean a tragic metallic fate for the poor guy. But I suppose with the kind of themes the novel has, he had to go on and have an unrelated life. People like Boq and Avaric, with their respective futures, are symbols of… something. Different views on evil, I suppose. Two different sides of the same coin when it comes to indifference. Boq’s indifference on the state of the world at large as long as those close to him are safe. Avaric’s indifference to morality as long as he’s entertained. Avaric’s an a-hole and he claims it proudly, but are we supposed to see Boq’s life too as evil by inaction?

Honestly, I’m happy for him. He seems to have gotten a really good ending compared to his counterpart, and escaped the unhappiness or tragedy of nearly all of his peers (moment of silence for poor Tibbett please). He’s got a family, a nice domestic life. It seems okay to me. He’s not a hero, but is it really evil not to be actively trying to do big things to make a difference? Not everyone can be a revolutionary… but is this simply my lazy, cowardly excuse-making? My projecting?

Elphaba seems to look down on him, the twice they interact in later years. She seems to look down on the fact that he’s content with his life even when the world is still f—ed up.

Is he wrong? What is he in this story?

At Shiz, he wasn’t all that morally lofty. I cite his rooftop escapade, even before he’s pressured into the philosophy club. On the whole though, he’s not a bad person, and he even helps with the whole library books thing. He makes a difference—when doing so is convenient, of course, and (far as I remember) low risk for him, and gives him something exciting to share with his friends. But better than no action at all? He had good intentions, and a better conscience than a lot of people in that friend group. He just didn’t do much with that conscience. He did a few unusually good things. He did a few rather questionable things too, honestly, and didn’t always need peer pressure for it. In his adult life, he cares about Elphaba’s causes, but takes no direct action, only passive following.

Once again he’s the Everyman. Normal life, normal future. Not a hero or a villain or even some lesser position like whatever office Avaric holds (I don’t remember). Just another average anonymous citizen. His college years the most exciting years of his life. Not remembered by history, just by those who knew him. But happy, I think.

Making a difference in the world has a price, and he chose not to pay it. It’s as simple as that.

Does this make him evil? Tell me, tell me, tell me, does this make him evil too? I need to know.

#wicked #wicked novel #boq bfeeson #thinking too deeply about things #no but BOQ being the one to meet Nessa when she arrives at Shiz??#I was like oh boy oh no this is where it starts #but no nevermind and thank goodness

2 notes · View notes

mysticetus · 2 years

Note

I think the piece of Petscop I'm trying to parse through is Lina. Always Lina. The Windmill Girl. Anna's sister. She disappeared. She died. She was reborn. Rainer made a grave for her in game. "They didn't see her." But yet. In a way almost impossible: "[Lina] in driver's seat. Me in back." "Family."

Did she die at all? Or did a piece of her die? What did Marvin do? What is rebirthing? What was the Windmill? If he was so intent on creating Tiara, an optimal version of Lina, then what happened? What did he do? What did he do? What did he do?

My brain is still doing the mental gymnastics to connect it all together

hi there i saw this ask late last night but im finally answering it. heres a response i typed at 3 am while kinda mad (you didnt make me mad, im just mad at the world):

what i find so poetic about lina is it doesnt matter what marvin did because the story is about the aftermath of it rather than the inciting incident itself. Its not our business what happened, rainer of course asks “what did you do?” but petscop exists in the aftermath. We exist in the aftermath. Nobody but marvin and lina knows what happened at the windmill, probably. The windmill itself is likely a metaphor. But it ultimately does not matter what any of it means. It could be anything and the story would still apply. I like petscop because it allows room for that. It doesnt ask what happened and it never shows you what happened. A lot of people love to ask what happened. But does it matter? What matters is the gaping holes and destructive craters it left behind, in all the people around it. most stories would love to tell you what happened in horrific detail, because the horror of what happens to people is engaging. This is something that keeps me up at night and causes me to shake with rage. Rainer plays the part of someone trying to dig into a tragedy out of reach. Grave robbery is vile. He came to learn this, and hes a piece of shit for it. Asking and digging reopens old wounds, to satisfy this hunger to know what happened, and why? Because its just so scary you cant look away? It eats at you? It eats at lina too, probably. It eats at care.

As for what im going to add to this now at 1 PM, i like that lina is able to exist in this quasi-dead state. its how it feels when something bad happens to you. rainer's definition of deceased is dubious and i think he doesnt mean literally dead when he creates a grave and mourns someone. you can feel unseen when these things happen to you, too. not everyone can see you but some people can. see death/bad girl by black dresses for more info <- dont actually

also i personally dont understand the reading that tiara is an ideal form of lina, or really any kind of predetermined entity at all, its more like a husk for belle to step into. in my eyes.

the more i talk about this the more i feel like im lowering myself into a vat of acid. basically i think you shouldnt sweat it. the way i see it its far less grounded in reality than you think and you kind of just have to see beacons

#ask

17 notes · View notes

tokblogthoughtcorner · 4 months

Text

Blog Six (Term 2):

Schrödinger’s Cat: Applying Quantum Mechanics Scenarios to Explain the Dichotomy of Human Choice

Schrödinger’s cat is a thought experiment by one Erwin Schrödinger, a physicist who is cemented in pop-culture due to his famous quantum superposition about a poor cat inside a sealed box. The premise of this thought experiment is that a cat is sealed with a radioactive substance inside a box alongside a flask of poison. If a monitor detects radioactive decay, the flask is shattered and the cat dies. However, one would not know whether or not the cat is dead until one opens the box and observes for oneself. Therefore, without opening the box to observe it, the cat can be considered simultaneously both alive and dead. Quantum mechanics context notwithstanding, this experiment can be generalised to mean that something (a concept, situation, etc.) can be considered to be both of its binary opposites, and both interpretations are valid.

This concept of valid opposing interpretations can be applied to the debate about free will, more specifically if humans have free will. Personally, I believe that the debate is pointless, and that of course there is free will; decisions matter, choices can affect and influence one’s life, and the idea that these choices were always going to be made seems absurd to me. However, not everyone agrees with this, as there are individuals who subscribe to the determinist philosophy of free will which suggests that the universe is inherently deterministic, and that our actions are predetermined and therefore free will is simply an illusion. Perhaps these individuals enjoy believing in determinism because it affirms their decisions as always meant to be?

Does this mean that, since everything is predetermined, we hold no responsibility for our actions? Can we be objectively blameless for our actions? Are we morally responsible for what we do if these actions are fate, destiny, or set out for us by uncontrollable factors? If the answer is yes, why are we responsible for actions outside of our control (is it because no actions are in control)? If the answer is no, then what is the point of judicial systems; why hold anyone accountable? Does a lack of free will strip individuals of their agency? Are people only comfortable with the illusion or idea of free will because it means, to them at least, their choices matter?

Individuals, however, who believe the universe is deterministic, but also—somehow—believe that free will does indeed exist (or at least has some merit, or matters to a certain extent), are known as compatibilists. These individuals are like Schrödinger’s cat: they believe both that life is predetermined and that free will exists and choices matter. Compatibilists are unlike determinists in another facet: they believe that we do have moral responsibility for our actions, and that we cannot feign innocence for actions simply because they could be predetermined. How can these individuals rationalise believing in both free will and a deterministic universe? Is this an example of cognitive dissonance? Or is the universe simply a cat in a box, both deterministic and not at the same time?

There is an argument that if one were to reverse time without remembering, one would make the same decisions over and over and over again, and the conclusion drawn from this is that free will does not exist because actions would not change with unknown repetition. However, to counter this argument, every choice made is based on a current state that was decided by choice. Unwittingly repeating actions would not mean that these actions are predetermined, but rather determined by previous choices. Perhaps it is simply that I am one of those people who want to believe in free will. As Fox Mulder would say, I want to believe. Maybe I am simply uncomfortable with the idea that none of my choices matter or that in a grander sense moral responsibility does not matter if everything is predetermined. Whatever the reason, I am just glad that I live in a world that does recognise moral responsibility for actions. Who knows! Maybe we all are just cats in boxes, living in a universe that is an even bigger cat inside an even bigger box, and we’re all just waiting for that flask to shatter.

#tok

0 notes