#if not i literally would explode | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seven-pleiades · 9 months

Text

Nothing will ever ever be good enough for my mom. I'm constantly on the verge of burn out to not be a disappointment and end up completely being a disappointment because I'm so burnt out. (More under the cut sorry I am venting today)

Even from a young age it was always "study hard at school" i did. I was predicted the highest of grades. I burned out and got average grades.

Then it was "do well at college" I did. Again burned myself out to the point of dropping out.

She made me feel worthless so I went back and got my A levels.

Then it was "get a degree". I did but because it wasn't a 1st. The second highest level "will suffice".

Then it was "get a job" i did. I stayed in an job too long where I get death threats, SA threats, general abuse all day to the point where I had to go on sick because I was terrified of what she'd say.

I got a new job. I'm happy here. I'm doing GREAT at my new job. And it's "when are you getting a promotion"

I literally felt unwell last week and had the day off. I attempted to go in the next day and literally tripped over them passed out and told the person helping me 'no it's ok I'll jber to work' when they said they'd call someone at home because I was in no right state to go to work I said "can you talk to my mom she won't believe me". How PATHETIC. I, a 24 year old had to tell someone to call my mom.

Literally laying in bed crying and feeling once again, like nothing. Because she makes me feel like nothing. I go to work all day she still expects me to do 200 things for her when I get back. And if I don't? I'm "lazy" and "useless" and "welcome to the real world".

For context, my mom doesn't work. She hasn't worked in the whole 24 years of my life. Is this projection? Because she has nothing to show for herself? Probably. Is it my and my siblings fault that she hasn't been successful? In her mind? Absolutely. She tells us everyday.

Oh seven why don't you just move out? I can't. It takes time, money, the right place that's not a million miles to work and despite me not wanting to be here or her even deserving me to be here. I'm the only one here. Deep down I have this duty to look after her and not abandon her.

I don't have any friends or family in the area to even move out for a short time. I don't know how much more of this treatment I can take. I don't want to burn out again and lose my job that I actually like and enjoy.

There are countless other times my mom just treats me like shit. Whether it's how I choose to spend my little free time, my weight and appearance, what I eat, how I dress, the fact I don't have a partner.

I vent to my very few close friends and I feel so bad. They have their own shit to deal with.

I just feel very alone and I'm struggling and I'm at a complete loss.

#sev shares #vent #burn out #tumblr is my own personal journal atp cos i dont have followers to see this lmao but i have to release this somewhere #if not i literally would explode

0 notes

loboazul16 · 5 months

Text

This is how these two went right?

#dungeon meshi #laios #kabru #I need to ramble excuse me #this is just disorganized thoughts dont look too much into it #RRRHRRHRHRGHRGHRGHRAAAAAAAAA #laios likes monsters more than he likes people #people bore him #so he just loves knowing about mosnters and ignores people #kabru has a fascinating interest in people #going beyond the normal limit of getting to know a person #and he cant understand why anyone would like monsters #none of them are normal about this #literal opposites of each other i am exploding

629 notes · View notes

stuckinapril · 2 months

Text

300 notes · View notes

ironunderstands · 23 days

Text

Crossposting my IP3 as parents post because this is my propaganda and you will read it

197 notes · View notes

ratguy-nico · 2 months

Text

Adivinen quien al fin dibujo algo? Wich means I'm back baby!

Its not perfect (like everything I made), but I just love drawing comic-like-stuff, I get to relax more. I dont try to do the lines perfectly or the super accurate anatomy (mostly cause I dont know shit about anatomy at all) and also get to be more simple in the colors, wich helps cause I struggle making colors a lot.

I missed drawing my babies...but why did I drawing them like that? XD I swear...I think I should have seen some reference cause I totally change the way I draw the Burger Babys which is crazy for me XD

Now...is this an AU, is this them as teenagers, why is Louise working on Aplebees? Well I didnt put an exact age for the guys here, they could be 16 or 19 I dunno.

This is solely based on this post from @zer0ogravity I lmao with this and totally need it to draw it.

btw I from Latam, I didn't knew what Applebees was until making this comic so if Applebees dont look like this sorry.

#bob's burgers #my art #bobs burgers #im back #I have been drawing other stuff #but this is the one I get to finish #is kinda...not clean(?)#but hey is funny #...#at least the dialogue #hope you like it #love the dynamics here #Im totally sure that when Louis get old enough to swear #she would do it all the time #just because #and this got me thinking Gene could be a great #they are such a foodie he would want just the fresh-esh ingredients #Oh! like Bob in that halloween episode #he was so excited abouth the beekeeping #my poor man #XD #and Tina is just me ordering anything #I have to rehearse exactly what am I gonna order #and if they tell me we dont have this would you want to changed it with this?#my brain literally explode #so everytime I get my order right I congratulate myself #and get high five if any of my family or friend is with me #did you miss my excess of tagging?#love you all

316 notes · View notes

ghostorbz · 3 months

Text

I made graphics instead of going to bed

Plus zadr stuff,,,

210 notes · View notes

debatablyspicydurian · 2 months

Text

I know the full arsenal update is out and hype for that but I just found the gutterman's poem in 7-2 and I HAVE to type about it because its night where I am and I cant wake up my friends to rant about Ultrakill.

Anyway, absolutely indescribable how we have the thoughts of a machine just laid bear in a secret for the first and maybe last time. The fact that a machine made for merciless slaughter could not only feel sadness for the person powering it but also WRITE a POEM? A machine made art??? The knowledge that they understand how cruel it is to make a human a blood battery, recognize it as torture, but also feel gratitude for the life they've been given?? It was known that machines had a sense of aesthetic from Swordsmachine and Mindflayer's entries but. Goddamn. The gutterman refers to the human as their mother and it states it CRIED when it crushed her skull as it hoped it would redeem its life.

Also the excerpt, "I know I know you would hate me so, and mother of me, I do too." Does this mean the Gutterman hated itself as much as the human? Did it hate the human instead along with the feelings of love and gratitude? Probably the former. Gutterman angst is so in.

V2's mannerisms and Swordsmachine's data entry are intresting, but a gutterman's eulogy for its prisoner and its attempt at redemption is another level. Actual machine thought process recorded!! Sapient lifeform that knows only war and death! The fact that the gutterman crushing the human's skull seemed to be out of mercy. Ough.

Noone has to interact I havent proof read this I am just RANTING this is CRAZY HAKITA HOW COULD YOU AND THE TEAM DO THIS

#ultrakill #gutterman #I dont post my own things like. ever. But I NEEDED to get this off my chest or something Very Normal was gonna happen (I would explode)#midnight ranting. why does the blood bot on hell game do this. they cant keep getting away with it.#i dont even know if the human was a woman in a literal 'mother' sense but I think the gutterman was being metaphorical since yknow #the final part of the poem reads that the human's final thoughts left long ago so Im not even sure if it was a mercy kill #or the human died in the coffin and the gutterman tried to atone by crushing the head post mortem

189 notes · View notes

fujimousee · 6 months

Text

my favv girlies ......

213 notes · View notes

flamemons · 8 months

Text

It's alright to scream

I'm screaming too

Why'd you think I do the things I do?

For shadows haunted me like ghosts

So I became what I feared the most

I conduct fear like electricity

A manmade monstrosity

Killer — The Hoosiers

i woke up from a nap with this song stuck in my head and. yea

#kouichi kimura #koichi kimura #digimon frontier #digimon #AGH ok drawing to a song is. a new level of vulnerability for me and im trying to get past the mental block of OH THATS TOO CRINGE #because cringe isnt REAL #((but it sure feels like it))#i fucked up and accidentally made a kouichi playlist and so many of my favorite edgy songs ended up applying to him #and i was like....hmm ok.....this kid is suddenly very interesting #...not that he isnt already very interesting like. he is but hes still sort of hard to grasp since he never had time to really be himself #....anyway #i have. so many thoughts about songs i associate with takuya but. i cant draw that #because i would go through organ failure #like i would literally explode and die #oh the struggle of admitting i have human emotions

296 notes · View notes

gayrogues · 8 months

Text

"what if herbert west and [insert other horror weirdguy] made out" interesting but consider the following: what if the bride from bride of re-animator and elizabeth from frankenhooker made out

#i spin the bride of frankenstein trope around in the washing machine of my brain and this is what falls out #something something the way they were both created to fulfill the desires of a man. being literally objectified (reduced to 'parts')#the horror of waking up with a body that isn't yours #and then the contrast between what they do with this #the bride tearing herself apart in despair because of the callousness of these men #they don't care about her now that she's a person rather than a project or something that dan could project his dead lovers onto #vs elizabeth going out and finding men who would objectify her and exploding them to death #and in the end turning the tables on jeffery - they're both frankenstein and they're both the bride #anyways it's been a While since i've watched bride of reanimator so apologies if any of this is off #reanimator #frankenhooker #ransom.txt

212 notes · View notes

fraudefiscal · 6 months

Text

hehe finally! Made my own bunnydoll fankids :DD I hope to make a lot with them but this is all I've done now

#also yep you're totally allowed to draw them (it would make me so happy that I would explode ^^)#the amazing digital circus #tadc fankid #bunnydoll #jax x ragatha #their designs are pretty mid but I got rlly attached to them #literally spent the whole week thinking of their designs and this is all I did? Yeah #my art #tadc

154 notes · View notes

incorrect-hs-quotes · 1 month

Text

FEFERI: O)(, T)(-E SW-E-ET IRONY OF )(IS D-EATH, D-ESIGN-ED FOR T)(IS LIF-E, Y-ET N-EV-ER M-EANT TO -ENDUR-E IT.

ERIDAN: wwhat happened

FEFERI: I DROPP-ED A GOLDFIS)( CRACK-ER IN T)(-E BATHTUB 38(

#submission #NOOOOOOOOOOOO #i would literally explode i love goldfish #if i dropped a flavor blasted goldfish in the water i would just collapse into one million particles and blow away in the breeze #homestuck #incorrect homestuck quotes #incorrect quotes #mod dave #feferi peixes #eridan ampora

73 notes · View notes

unexpectedbrickattack · 1 year

Note

I bet Gustavo knows how’s exactly small he is and uses his charms and adorableness to get tips , and it’d work

Peppino pays Gus very well (esp after postgame) so theres no need to have tips. He lets Gus have the jar there anyway, but at the cost of having Pep occasionally come up behind him and catch him conning these poor customers

#pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #gustavo #arts #mine #answered #he makes so much in tips its ridiculous #its silly #esp when people ask for like something extra #like a drink or more appetizers #and they see him literally hop off the chair and jump UP to another counter #he weaponizes it SO easily despite being such a nice and normally sincere creature #also #suggestive after these tags >>#but i DID have like and alt answer to this with pep actually smacking him on the ass lightly #and saying 'workin hard for those extra tips today i see'#like definitely poking fun at the sleazy manager schtick #it only works bc if it was anyone OTHER than gus he would never be able to do that without exploding #and also it is just a bit cute to think of him as only being confident enough to be that playful w gus #so i guess that could qualify as pepstavo #but its also like #if youve ever had those kinds of friendships that are just silly and crass like that #just crass old men being awful w each other

585 notes · View notes

penini-art · 9 months

Text

Fanart for a scene in the fic Deep-Sea Encore by ToastedFishDish on AO3!

Fic here:

#genshin impact #Lyney #Lynette #freminet #pers #because pers deserves a tag too #I know this is not my usual content but this fic got me #literally give me any content of Lyney and Lynette being protective big siblings for freminet and I explode #in a good way though #otherwise I would not have drawn this #anyways go read the fic!! it’s just started but I like where it’s headed

213 notes · View notes

floorpancakes · 2 months

Text

ok but im rly into the idea of till having a new era that brings the light back to his eyes and drives him forward if he gets to escape the arena. idk where he'd go from there but i want to see ivans sacrifice both haunt him and drive him to actually live his damn life after being the captured bird refusing freedom cause of mizi. once he knows she's alive with the resistance he might be able to actually experience other things and widen his world and if that happens and he puts his personal sense of rebellion towards the human cause OR settles into finding some other way to feel fulfilment that isn't a single person that could be deeply fascinating to me i think

#alien stage #ramble #idk #till alien stage #as an xxxholic fan i want to see caged birds fly and all the fear and loss and grit and progress that comes with it #till era would be so fucking fun #especially when characters r built arnd one person or one goal or something you want to see them find new things to suffer or thrive abt (?)#random inconsequential thought imagine till hooking up with hyunas besties and they become a resistance throuple #idk i just want till to experience the wider world as the one that was the most restrained by his heart AND literally #cause even compared to the other anakt kids he suffered so much in those damn buildings and labs #i wanna see him freed and what that means for ivans legacy as the person who was unseen but someone who both contributed to and desperately #tried to stop his pain and confinement no matter what #honestly the thing i wanna see most rn off the top of my head is #till coming to terms with what he knows and sees about ivan now #no matter how he feels about it i think ivan wont be forgotten that easily #i want to know whats going thru tills head rn immediately in this moment #cause this snapped him in some way and he is acutely aware of things he didnt even notice before #while handling the mizi desth thing #that he assumed was happening #if he is assumedly saved i want to see the explosion that is knowung mizi is alive #knowing ivan is dead and how ivan felt #and knowing he has a way out of the cage #because its a triple whammy #i want to see his brain exploding in real time thinking abt all these things #and what sort of person the revelations will make him become #also i want to see mizi and till have like an actual conversation cause itd be a wildcard especially right now

69 notes · View notes

quietwingsinthesky · 5 months

Text

journey’s end au where the doctor tries to kick everyone off the TARDIS and they just go, ‘???? no?’ and won’t leave. can’t be stupid and think everyone will leave you when they won’t get out of your house.

#the doctor is simultaneously so happy about this and SO annoyed. get out of his house!!! this is his tardis!!!!#(tentoo voice) OUR tardis. (doctor voice) MY TARDIS!!!!!#rose and martha and donna and jack are literally having a girls night in the same room as this argument #sarah jane was invited but did not join them. autisms.#however mickey and her have been bonding and the doctor feels so betrayed. sarah jane is supposed to be on his side!!!#can’t even complain to the metal dog. k-9 is still busy.#(sarah jane voice) oh i should invite luke and his friends- (doctor voice) NO CHILDREN ON MY SHIP #((tentoo voice. from the other room.) OUR ship)#jack manages to sneak ianto and gwen on board before sarah jane gets the bannerman gang in simply because torchwood is easier wrangled than #literal children (not saying much)#how does gwen manage to sneak rhys on that one time? no one’s really sure. he didn’t stay on very long but it was long enough for jack to #lose a bet.#i think only jackie leaves but NOT before she and tentoo and rose have established interdimensional facetime so that she can phone her #daughter and her son-in-law and her guy-who-her-son-in-law-is-cloned-from #(doctor voice) donna i need to erase ur memories ur brain will explode otherwise (rose from across the room) hey didnt i absorb something #that would explode my brain once. i still have my memories. (donna voice) YEAH DOCTOR CARE TO EXPLAIN THAT????#donna metacrisis is solved because jack says ‘fuck it let me eat the metacrisis somehow it probably wont kill me’ and then he glows for like #a week but he’s fine.#he is literally never getting rid of any of them. get found family-ed idiot #(god wait funniest fucking thing if end of time happens here and the master’s plans are completely derailed because he gets tackled by seven #different companions. kicking him while he’s on the ground while the doctor goes D:)#doctor who #tardis family au

85 notes · View notes