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heyktula · 4 years

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Closer, Chapter Five: Aftercare - Bonus Features

Chapter five of Closer, the first installment in Somewhere in Canada (the Terror kink AU)... is now up! And with that--this installment is finished, and I'm all up in my feelings about it. (My various inboxes are always open in case you would like to be all up in your feelings in my direction.)

For the last time--technical notes first, story notes after, line notes to finish it all up.

Alright, here we go.

Technical Considerations:

Timing: So I put a lot of thought into what I wanted to cover for the rest of the weekend. We're at Sunday afternoon now, and the conference is coming to a close. There's some stuff that happens in the afternoon while they're packing up, there's some stuff that happens at the airport, but it gets to a point where plot is just, like, events that are happening on the page, you know? The actual story is the resolution of the arcs, and Edward and Jopson can resolve their arcs perfectly fine by going to their hotel room and fucking it out. I suspect we'll get bits and pieces of the missing bits--packing up the booths, actually getting onto the plane, and all that kind of thing--through the Tozer/Irving story anyways, since I don't think Tozer's arc is properly resolved until he makes it back to London.

(One could argue (correctly, I think) that the actual resolution of their arcs was probably the ability to successfully navigate through the aftermath of the dungeon scene, having the Ross scene go well, and generally the way that Edward and Jopson have tightened their orbit around each other over the course of the weekend, but it's nice to formalize that a bit, I think, by letting them fuck and have some casual non-sex time together just to verify that, yes, it isn't just about the sex or the BDSM, they are having a nice time together hanging out otherwise as well.)

POV Structure: Please forgive me my extra Jopson POV at the end, I needed it so that we could have one more chance at appreciating Edward's muttonchops, piercings, tattoo, and sweatpants dick, because Edward himself spends zero time thinking about any of these things, and they're all such very good things.

The Full Monty: So this is the first chapter in which they're both completely naked. Edward is fairly casual about his own nudity, so it wasn't really a thing for him--after all, Jopson has already seen his dick, and as Edward would be the first to tell you, the metal is about as exciting as it gets. (Jopson would argue that, I think.) The nudity wasn't really a thing for Jopson either--his body is his body--but Edward's reaction to his body is important. When I'm deciding whose POV certain events happen in, I try to select the POV where there's more feelings happening. So that meant that Jopson was getting naked in his own POV, which gives us that whole entire face journey Edward goes on, the brief distraction of poking Jopson's bruises, and then the rest of the clothing removal, bracketed with the visual of Edward standing there with his visible hardon and his hands behind his head. Technically, the "I'm not scared" dialogue is more important to Edward--Jopson just happens into the right words there--but since we already know that's a big deal for Ned from his prior POV, we can stay in Jopson's head for that here.

Story Considerations:

Comfort Reading: I'm pretty sure that Edward has read Foundation approximately nine million times. I also think this is the second or third copy of the book that he's on, because he keeps reading them to pieces. But I think that having a familiar book that he can just sink into instead of stressing about the whole entire ~~~convention experience~~~ is probably integral to him being a "reasonable human being" and not a "grumpy bastard" (thanks for that analysis, Tozer). I didn't think too hard about this--I just thought about Edward Little for point five seconds, and what kind of books he probably liked, and I thought about the Discovery Service, and science fiction, and then went--yeah, Asimov has the right blend of classic literature and hard science, and Autumn backed me up on it, so here we are. (I also should mention, because I saw some discussion of it on twitter and went wow I don't remember that that I was, um. Maybe fourteen the last time I read Foundation? So I think this is really a comfort read for Edward in that he's been reading and rereading it since about that age as well.)

(As an addendum, I feel like Edward probably has a carefully curated book collection back at his flat of books that are nice and new and pristine and I feel like he probably keeps his battered Asimovs, like, under his bed or something where nobody can see them. (As if he has visitors, lol.) Jopson, on the other hand, probably has a place on his desk for five or six books, because the bookshelf is being used for storage of other stuff, and the desk books are constantly rotating as he swaps paperbacks back and forth with his family.)

Edward's Hands: I do feel there's a very good chance Edward isn't going to be doing up any buttons. I also feel as though just getting his sweatpants on involved some profanity. The thing about masochism, though, is that when you're presented with a new sensation, such as going into a scene bare-handed instead of wearing gloves like you regularly do, often times the new sensation feels good even if it hurts, sooooo you keep doing it, and in Edward's case, he has that extra pressure of Trying Really Hard To Impress Jopson, so, yeah. He's gonna need some time to recover from that physically, and he won't be punching anything for a bit here.

Scene Planning: So the thing that I really love here, that's really not obvious unless you squint and look at the scene sideways, is that Edward had everything perfectly planned out when they were in the dungeon. He scouted out the area in advance. He had a chair handy to put Jopson's clothes on. He talked to the DMs in advance. And then everything went according to plan.

But you put the same man into a hotel room for fucking? He can't remember if he has lube or condoms. His sex bag is nowhere near the vicinity of the place they're having sex. (They don't even make it to the bed initially--Edward is eating ass on the floor, for fuck's sake.) When they finally get onto the bed with the sex bag, the contents end up scattered across the bed, and Edward still needs to get off the bed in order to retrieve the cock ring.

In short, give a man a dungeon and a scene to plan, and everything goes perfectly. Offer to fuck a man, and all planning immediately goes out the window. I mean, they had great sex. But Edward, sweetheart.

(And if we're talking about interpretations that happen when you squint? It's entirely likely that Edward doesn't actually have a whole lot of sex, usually, and that would definitely explain why he's much smoother on the mats than he is in the bedroom.)

The Second Collar: So, the second collar, rather deliberately on Edward's part, did not make an appearance. The first collar, the heavier one, is the type of collar that's used for play. It can be worn in regular kink spaces as well, but it's heavy, and a little bulky. And it's obvious that Jopson is taking comfort from it--he's reluctant to let go of it once he's taken it off to get into the shower with Edward, and it keeps showing back up again on his neck even though it's removed a couple of times throughout the course of the evening/night. The second collar, the fancier one that won't hold up to any kind of play, will be a lot more comfortable for Jopson to wear on a regular basis, but Jopson doesn't know that it exists, and Edward doesn't offer.

It's Significant that Edward is hanging on to that second collar, and if I was going to hazard a guess, I'd guess that Edward is working on a plan to make a formal gift of it at some point in the future. Formally giving someone a collar (as opposed to a collar that's just being used for play) usually signifies an arrangement between the people involved. Kind of like, you know, formally declaring yourselves partners, or whatever it is people do these days.

(As an aside--it could be considered rude that Jopson keeps putting the collar back on when they haven't discussed a formal arrangement outside of play, but Edward clearly doesn't see it that way, so there's no reason for it to come up. It's always better to ask for clarification re: collars, because sometimes there's a lot of symbolism involved with them, but sometimes a collar is just a collar.)

Line Notes:

“Would have been faster if you hadn’t kissed me in the car park,” Edward grumbles.

Trust Edward to find a way to be grumpy about makeouts. (To be fair, I think Edward was very pleased about the makeouts, and grumpy about subsequently having to adjust his dick in the car park just to be even moderately comfortable for the rest of the packing up.)

“Got something for you, if you want it,” Edward says.

I really like deep POV, because we know damn well from Edward's POV that he's been considering how to word this for hours and regrets this particular combination of words the moment it comes out of his mouth, but since we're in Jopson's head, Edward just looks like a proper alpha dominant, and it's hilarious.

He wants to kneel right here, get Edward’s trousers undone, open his—

Tom Jopson has a marked lack of aversion to public sex, and everyone should keep this in mind for *checks watch* six months from now in-universe, when they're back for the winter convention.

“Left my dicks back in London,” Thomas says, deadpan. He’s looking at Edward when he says it, trying to gauge the look on his face.

And if we squint and tilt our head sideways, this is another hint at ways in which relationships have gone wrong for Tom Jopson, and it's that same false dominant-sadist-top / submissive-masochist-bottom dichotomy we were talking about last week with poor Nedward. It's also an indication that Jopson hadn't really planned on hooking up with anybody this weekend at all--he came with his business hat on, ready to sell all of Francis' books, and bootblack for charity, and then, you know, work himself into exhaustion and not do anything other than casually flirt with--whoa, now, who's the pierced guy?

“That’s right,” Edward says softly. “You can handle this. You can handle what I’m doing to you. What I’m going to do to you.”

There it is--the resolution of that internalized kinkshaming that Edward was fighting with on Friday, in that it's no longer something Edward is questioning. He knows that Tom is good for it.

One of the really interesting things about the way this fic worked out is that the entire fic could have gone really differently if Hickey had applied himself to his shitdisturbing in the opposite order of the order that he chose--after he derailed Edward's panel, Hickey basically stepped back to let Edward self-destruct, and focused back in on Tozer, which left a huge open space for Jopson to step right into, and lo, the joplittle happened. If Hickey had stayed focused on Edward, he could have fucked Edward's entire weekend up, and neither the joplittle nor the solving* would have happened.

*Trust me on this, I swear it's related, and we'll get to it in the Tozer/Irving fic.

Jopson’s accent has shifted. It’s rougher, now. He wonders if this is how Jopson sounds at home, if this is how Jopson sounds with his family, if this is how—

There it is! The real accent, underneath the one that he taught himself! It's there! And he's letting Edward hear it!

“Face to face,” Jopson says quietly. This time, his eyes don’t shift away from Edward’s, and Edward loves him for it. “I know it’s not very, uh—”

JUST ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT, TOM, please, you're hurting all three of my feelings here.

“You’ll have plenty of time to look,” Edward warns as he gets back onto the bed, hard cock swaying as he moves. “Takes me a bit to get a condom on over all this.”

I learned this while I was researching cock piercings. I don't know as I would actually want to learn how to get a condom on over all that, it seems like it's finicky and takes a long time. But, that being said, I'm not convinced they're going to stick with condoms for all that long either, Jopson is clearly ready to pretend he's never heard of them.

Edward shuts his eyes, strokes his cock. Reaches between his legs, tugs on the ring in his guiche piercing, pleasure curling up his spine. “Won’t be much of a show,” he manages.

Edward's not kidding about this--one of the downsides to a Prince Albert is that apparently it generally removes the ability to come with any sort of velocity, and everything just sort of...oozes out. We don't really directly see that here, because Edward's thinking about something else while he's coming, but it's implied in the next bit when Jopson is dragging Edward's come from his stomach up to his chest, ie, it didn't get there on its own, but Jopson is creating the aesthetic that he wants to see, so good for him.

“Might have marked you a bit, there,” he admits.

Jopson's fine by the time the poutine shows up, no worries. Edward slapped him pretty hard, but Jopson doesn't mark easily, so the redness on his cheek will fade.

“I’ll pinch if I have to,” Jopson says dryly. He glances into the shower. “...you’re not just using the hotel toiletries, are you?”

Edward was not, in fact, using the hotel toiletries, but he definitely is now. The jury is out as to whether Tozer took them on purpose or by accident, and, to be honest, I don't know which way the cookie is gonna crumble on that one! It'll be an adventure of discovery.

Eating and looking at him at the same time, with absolutely no care as to how he looks.

It's a love letter to the eating-out-of-a-can scene, yes, thank you for noticing.

“Oh thank god,” Edward says. He relaxes into Jopson’s lap, turns his head and nuzzles Jopson’s bare stomach. “I’d hate to think I’d made an ass out of myself for nothing.”

Only in Edward Little's head would 'confessing your deepest feelings to someone who clearly wanted to hear the confession' be translated as 'making an ass out of yourself'. There's a lot of things to be said in there about previous relationships, but ugh, I don't want to say any of them, they're not nice.

(Also, as an aside, Jopson didn't say it back--but, then, he didn't need to. The important bit is that Edward said it when he felt like he needed to, and Jopson will say it when he feels like he needs to, and they're going to be very happy together.)

"And let us not forget that you also stole the hotel key out of my trouser pocket in order to let yourself quietly back into the room, in order to…"

Jopson is a snoop and a thief and Edward wouldn't have him any other way. I think, in a lot of ways, Edward is used to people being too intimidated by him to play...and Jopson has made it quite clear, in this way and many other ways, that he's not scared, and that he's having a fun time, and he's carving out his own enjoyment, and that's really important.

And, uh. That's it, that's the fic!

I think this is the softest thing I've ever written with the hardest kink in it, haha. I'm really pleased with how it's turned out, though--I love kink conventions, I love BDSM, and I'm really passionate about the opportunities for valuable, committed relationships that don't follow the "standard" definition of what a relationship is and what it looks like. I think the thing Edward and Tom are carving out for themselves is intense, and more than a little weird, but I also think it's exactly what both of them want, and when it gets right down to it, that's the important thing. So there you have it.

I'm going to be drafting the Tozer/Irving fic next, since it chronologically overlaps with Closer, and then I'm going to draft the Fitzier, which takes place at the winter conference (ie, six in-universe months from Closer). Unfortunately, since I want to release them in the opposite order (Fitzier first, Solving second), there's probably going to be a bit of dead air for a while here.

The good news, though, is that Little and Jopson are living their best lives and don't have any major plot-related incidents over the next six months, so I'm free to release little one-shots of the various things they're up to while I'm drafting more longfics.

If you have any questions or anything, or you just wanna yell at me, I'm around! My inboxes are open! I spend more time on Twitter than I do on anything else, but I check my tumblr a couple times a day too.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. Closer (and the kink verse in general) are very near and dear to my heart, and I'm so happy that it's been warmly received.

#fic: closer #fic: the terror kink au #the terror #joplittle

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Amber & Cosmo

Amber: [Okay so OG he finds her in Dash's room obvs he's not there like lowkey ransacking it and then we started the convo after that of her being like I'm not a burglar or a bunny boiler just for your info] Cosmo: [we know you're just walking away 'cos could not care less about your brother and his ridiculous life] Amber: not a stalker but realise getting in your inbox to claim that is a defeat.... Cosmo: you're in the wrong room, if you are Amber: it's the right room to get my zip back, information you don't need to alibi me, but can have because it's the right thing to do too Cosmo: I don't care Cosmo: as long as you keep your haul limited to his room and his shit Amber: I'm only taking back what's mine, not a burglar either Amber: window entry was just flare Cosmo: and if you knocked, you wouldn't be let in Amber: you don't want a conventional first meeting or impression, I'm fine with that Cosmo: all cold callers say they ain't Cosmo: we haven't had the jehovas in for a cup of tea either Amber: I don't work in a call centre or leaflet for any organised religions Amber: yet Cosmo: dream big Cosmo: just need to organize them and their thoughts Amber: organisation isn't my forte but dreaming in any size Amber: that I can do Cosmo: you don't say Amber: do you have something you wanna say? Cosmo: Neither in your house nor your inbox so no Amber: relax, I won't be in your house much longer Cosmo: You're telling me to relax Cosmo: I could've called the police Cosmo: see what they reckon to not a burglar Amber: but you didn't and I'll be gone before they get here if you decide to now Amber: you know, passive aggression towards me is one thing, but threatening a real act of... Cosmo: I don't see how breaking and entering, actually doing so, is less than a threat Cosmo: but I haven't, and I'm not going to, but you can still leave as fast as if I have Amber: I'm not scary, you don't have to feel unsafe Cosmo: I'm not scared of you Amber: so you aren't under threat Amber: not like say, a non-white person against the police Cosmo: My property is Cosmo: and other people live here Amber: once I have my property back, I'll leave Amber: Dash's dirty laundry is a greater threat to me than I am to it Cosmo: if it's drugs, it'll be long gone Amber: not in this amount Amber: he won't have had time Amber: yet Cosmo: so you're a dealer Cosmo: chalk it up to a loss Cosmo: you aren't the only one he knows, nor the only girl he'd share with Amber: no, it's for personal use Amber: but that doesn't mean solely his personal use Cosmo: or yours Cosmo: if you don't make them pay, the lines are bound to get blurred Amber: it's a clear line, don't steal from me Cosmo: so is knocking and yet here you are Cosmo: hardly surprising he doesn't pay attention to rules either, is it Amber: next time, boy Cosmo: next time, I'll make sure I'm out Amber: so more like last time Cosmo: if you're that stupid, sure Amber: if you're gonna be this rude, I'll be sure to avoid you, yes Cosmo: I'm rude? He's the one that stole your shit to do with someone else Amber: he's rude too, does that make you feel better? Cosmo: you're here unapologetically and still, uninvited Cosmo: got no business telling me who's rude, especially when I'm well aware of what a cunt he is Amber: you surprised me! I haven't asked for an apology Amber: and he invited me in a few days ago, but if you'd like me to concede, I'll do it Amber: well aware I shouldn't be here Cosmo: you aren't getting an apology, why the hell do you think you deserve one Amber: because I was 😨😱 Amber: don't sneak up on girls you haven't even said hello to Cosmo: it's my house Cosmo: I weren't the one sneaking anywhere Amber: I'm not high, I know I don't live here Cosmo: That's a start Cosmo: good for you Amber: thanks Cosmo: 👍 Amber: your validation is such an unexpected bonus 🍒🍨 Cosmo: calm down Amber: has telling a girl what to do ever worked for you? Cosmo: how did telling me to relax work for you? Cosmo: apologies your race and sex cards haven't been winners Amber: I wasn't telling you to relax because I can't handle your emotions Amber: is the difference Cosmo: yeah, because that's relevant Amber: why isn't it? Amber: if you can't read my tone Cosmo: I don't want to handle your bullshit Cosmo: there's no difference Amber: and I don't want you to work yourself up over someone you haven't met and don't need to see again Amber: that's for your sake, not mine Amber: the key difference Cosmo: yeah, that's what you all say Cosmo: how considerate of you Amber: I can come through your windows without being some BIG BAD Cosmo: you think you get to decide that? Amber: no Amber: but I can decide to try and leave you with an impression that's less...THAT...can't I? Cosmo: you don't need to try for someone you haven't met and don't need to see again Cosmo: why would you Amber: oh so you get to decide about me AND who I try for, along with why Amber: that makes sense, thanks Cosmo: I'm pointing out your hypocrisy Cosmo: see what that pisses you off Cosmo: but there's no need, telling you that for your sake, not my own Amber: I'd like to meet you, there's the flaw in what you're trying to do Amber: you can keep pointing instead of shaking hands if you want to though Cosmo: Why Cosmo: we have nothing in common, that's obvious without doing more than looking Amber: why do we need to have anything in common to do more than look? Amber: it's just an introduction Cosmo: there's no point Cosmo: it's exchanging pleasantries that isn't going anywhere Cosmo: we've avoided that, it's a good thing Amber: cynic Amber: we could go somewhere together Cosmo: doing labels now, are we Amber: you have been since you 👀 Cosmo: I've not called you shit Cosmo: but a dealer, which was evidence based Amber: I'm not gonna pretend I don't feel your digs at me Cosmo: I'm not your kind of person, you ain't mine Cosmo: no need to get upset about it Amber: what is my kind of person? Amber: that's a really strange thing to say Cosmo: my brother etc Cosmo: why is that strange? Amber: because it is Amber: I've slept with him once, so I see why you would go there, but I've also set foot outside of the commune Cosmo: you still prefer the people who live there, don't you Amber: I like plenty of people who live there, I like plenty of people I go to school with too Cosmo: copout Amber: if you desperately need me to admit there's plenty of idiots who live there, I can, that's true Cosmo: don't need you to do anything Amber: then why are you like this? Cosmo: excuse me Amber: if you don't need anything from me, like to go away as an obvious guess, you should be fine to talk to me Amber: but you're not so Amber: I'm just asking Cosmo: because, as we've already discussed, there's no point talking Amber: okay, stop Cosmo: I'm not doing anything Amber: you're replying to me, if you don't want to, stop Cosmo: have you gone Amber: no Cosmo: fucking hell Amber: you could help me look Cosmo: I could Cosmo: but I'm telling you, it's gone Cosmo: [showing up and standing in the doorway like 😒] Amber: [just casually jumping out of her skin when she realises he's there unannounced because not expecting him to actually come] Cosmo: [making a move forward 'cos not trying to scare her or be that kind of dick but like, what can you say or do so moving back almost as quick, looking around Dash's room in disgust casually] Amber: [loling but at herself not him obviously and continuing to look even though you know he's right and it is not likely to be here] Cosmo: [leaning against the door frame 'cos tall and folding your arms 'you should just take something of his and make it even'] Amber: [looking at him and then around the room like what though] Cosmo: [shrugs like it's all shit to me, there must be something you want though] Amber: [doing a pouty face like you're meant to be helping me because lbr there's nothing she wants] Cosmo: [reluctantly steps in and sighs like right, let's see 'how much was it worth, roughly?'] Amber: ['I didn't buy it, my dad did' her own sigh 'he's gonna be upset with me' aggressively keeps searching] Cosmo: ['say he stole it, then he can be upset with him' like duh but also, don't freak out] Amber: ['that's fine until your brother thinks he's upset with him because he didn't call me back or whatever outdated notion he thinks my dad thinks in'] Cosmo: [shakes his head like 🙄] Amber: [goes to sit on the window ledge like I'll just leave] Cosmo: [goes in his pocket to get his wallet like, how much 'some of his clothes that aren't trashed are pretty expensive'] Amber: [such an offended look like you better not offer me cash rn boy but looking through his wardrobe halfheartedly because you are annoyed and forlorn that Dash would be a dick like this] Amber: [I like to imagine an avalanche of shit falls out and nearly kills her lol so that stops that] Cosmo: [an amused lol 'not much point trashing the place' kicking some pile of trash over like, he'll never notice] Amber: ['I should've come in a maid outfit, you'd have let me in' oh the double meaning there gal] Cosmo: [a look like did you just 'can't afford to give you that much, sorry' and another shrug] Amber: [looks him up and down like your clothes look expensive too and softly tuts but then lols because we're not serious obvs] Cosmo: ['what?' like what are you looking at, what are you laughing at, either way we're uncomfortable] Amber: [shakes her head but not in a 🙄 way just like genuinely don't worry about it] Cosmo: ['what will your dad do?'] Amber: [does her best impression of a disappointed hippie dad] Cosmo: ['you'll live then' quiet 'cos dad disappointment is no joke here] Amber: ['harmless is his entire vibe, for sure' because it is 'I'm here for me' but shrugs like I guess I'll have to give up though] Cosmo: ['you like him, do you?'] Amber: ['my dad?' a confused look like obviously I love him what do you mean] Cosmo: ['no' and looks around the room like this dickhead, clearly] Amber: [a laugh like oh okay 'not any more'] Cosmo: [tuts 'you laugh a lot'] Amber: ['is that a crime too?' but said in an amused way] Cosmo: [shakes head 'just weird' but does a half-smile at her] Amber: [fully smiles back at him like he's given her a compliment and goes downstairs to get herself some juice or something because forever making ourselves at home/treating this place like a hotel in the spirit of the OG convo] Cosmo: rude not to say goodbye Amber: it's not, I'm coming back Cosmo: what do you mean Amber: I'm not saying goodbye when I haven't left Amber: yet Cosmo: what are you doing Amber: [a photo of the inside of the fridge] Amber: do you want a drink too? Cosmo: do you always make yourself at home like this Amber: do you mind? Cosmo: bit late if I did Amber: but I can leave my glass here, walk back up and you can retrace my steps to bring it to me if you do Cosmo: I owe you hospitality? Cosmo: nah Amber: are you going to answer my question or just your own? Cosmo: I did Cosmo: you've got your drink now Cosmo: enjoy it Amber: would you like one or not, because you didn't tell me that Cosmo: I'm fine Amber: [enough time to have drank her juice shelby, wash and dry the glass and put it away and then she's back] Cosmo: [just looking at her like what the fuck but not saying anything] Amber: [just looking at him like what excuse me for being thirsty sir] Cosmo: [shaking his head like never mind 'cos not getting into that again 'what are you gonna do then?'] Amber: [shaking her head back like idk 'go home'] Cosmo: ['you can leave through the door, like' like you didn't need to come back up then 'thought you were gonna fuck up his shit or something' and shrugs like why did you then] Amber: ['you wanted a goodbye first' mirrors his shrug but is smiling and not in a mard, pushes one of his skateboards along the floor and it doesn't move cos there's so much shit everywhere like I think he's trashed this room/his stuff enough tbh] Cosmo: [😳😒 'I didn't WANT anything' puts his feet on top of it like he's gonna jump and break it 'twat' but said under his breath not to her] Amber: ['well I don't want you to think I'm rude' looks around like why does he have so many skateboards when he literally only needs one] Cosmo: [looks at what she's looking at and shrugs 'dad went through a buying-our-love phase and he was only too happy to take advantage of it, of course' picks one up and spins the wheels 'these are custom, you know' and rolls his eyes with the wheels like, why even] Amber: ['what did you get?' because genuinely curious, then has a ponder about what he's just said 'I don't think I can carry all of these even if I use the door to leave' because thinking she's gonna have to take every skateboard away lol] Cosmo: [does not reply, looking 'round the room with more vigor 'there's a special screwdriver for it, somewhere in here'] Amber: [googles what it looks like so she knows and then takes however long to find it and holds it up triumphantly with a mischievous face on] Cosmo: [smiles back like that's the one] Amber: [tries to do it but clearly is struggling so gotta hand over the tool and the task even if you are adorably pouty about it] Cosmo: [not at all smugly taking all these wheels off and throwing them at her] Amber: [😠 like can you not throw shit at me please but also because of how effortlessly he's doing it when she could not again looking adorable though soz gal] Cosmo: [doing an awh face at her] Amber: [throwing something from Dash's floor at him because she's not a chill hippie stereotype soz parentals] Cosmo: [probably catching it, damn reflexes] Amber: [when you're more impressed than you are fuming now like okay boy damn are you a superhero] Cosmo: [shrugs 'football'] Amber: ['you're the one who stops everyone else having fun' like it makes sense why he's so grumpy, not really what a goalkeeper is babe but go off] Cosmo: [a look like you what 'cos does not get it, then when he gets it shaking his head like oh, but no 'not the only one that needs decent reflexes though'] Amber: [🤔 face 'are you the scorer?' we out here knowing all the football terminology bye] Cosmo: [lols a bit but not harshly like omg you don't know 'cos not that dick, just amused, but go off about this nerdy football jargon I simply do not understand, pretty sure you were some variation of centre-forward which can be striker, can be attacking midfielder, whatever, and his shirt number was 9] Amber: [asking questions because you're interested and like learning new shit which makes her the anti wag, we're having a lovely time] Cosmo: [The No.9 is usually given to a football team's centre forward or main striker, a prolific goalscorer in any given formation, especially the likes of 4-3-3, 4-2-2 or 4-2-3-1. Purely putting this here so I might remember lmao but yes, have a convo with someone who ain't your dad/squad mates] Amber: [she's literally forgotten why she's even here, hotel california not cos you can't leave but because you don't wanna gal] Cosmo: [finding Dash's most expensive t-shirt or hoodie or whatever and putting all the wheels in it like a makeshift bag for her, flinging the boards out the still opened window like job done there then] Amber: ['what should I do with these?' again a genuine question 'other than stringing one onto a necklace' because we know her aesthetic and I remember she literally left one for him after this OG so I'll have to find that and look] Cosmo: ['juggle?' 'cos truly, what can you do with them 'could make a treasure hunt for him, but then he'll know you're upset with him and it'll be the dad situation all over again' ] Amber: [does try juggling with them and isn't terrible but isn't like circus ready lol 'I'll make it for you, you'd love finding one in your football shoe, wouldn't you?' smiling because plays into the stalker thing but also is just a fun mental image] Cosmo: ['leave it out' but in an amused way, not actually terrified lol] Amber: ['but if I attach them to the bottom, you could rollerskate after the ball' imagine please lol] Cosmo: ['just slow me down' #flex but like 'don't actually fuck with my boots, tah'] Amber: [a face like yeah okay boy but we're #into the flex really 'okay, fine, wouldn't wanna be rude' gathering all your shit together 'time to check out' because hotel refs needed] Cosmo: [just looking up like oh, okay, 'cos this has been surreal af] Amber: [kissing him on the cheek as a thank you and a goodbye] Amber: [sends him a series of pictures of his name spelled out in skateboard wheels like each letter in different locations, not knowing he doesn't fuck with his name heavily] Cosmo: marks and validation for creativity, stalker Cosmo: but no one calls me that, you'd know that if you were a good one Amber: what do they call you? 🚀🪐💫⭐️ Cosmo: Haynes Cosmo: or 9 Amber: because you've got that many lives? Cosmo: shirt number Cosmo: but I'll take that favourable comparison Amber: if I had a bedroom I'd let you in through the window 😼 boy Cosmo: where do you sleep? Cosmo: or get any privacy, for that matter Amber: privacy for what? Amber: I like the hammocks when those are free Cosmo: what do you think you need privacy for Amber: if you're talking about sex, you know the answer Amber: I wasn't visiting your house to talk about the bible, remember Cosmo: I weren't Amber: no mothers have any time alone in the bathroom and they survive 9️⃣ Cosmo: there's reason most people don't live like that Cosmo: and a reason cults do Cosmo: you've got fuck all time to yourself and your own thoughts Amber: do you only have time to yourself on the 🚽? Cosmo: no, 'cos I've got a room, and a bed that's my own Amber: they don't like, put trackers under our skin, I can go wherever I want Amber: if I'd enjoy some privacy for whatever reason Cosmo: that's sad Amber: why are you sad about it? Cosmo: that's the bare minimum a home is meant to be Amber: it's a safe place, there's food, running water, warmth Amber: plenty of homes are overcrowded Amber: if I had brothers and sisters taking up the space you wouldn't think that was 👽 Cosmo: don't tell me what I'd think Cosmo: 'cos yeah, that is weird as well Amber: I understand not wanting to share a room with Dash Cosmo: funny Amber: have you ever had to? Cosmo: I get that you're like obsessed with him Cosmo: but ask him Cosmo: I don't want to talk about him Amber: I was asking a question, about you, he would've just happened to be there Cosmo: why does it matter? Amber: why do you have to fiercely guard something you don't think matters? Amber: it's 'normal' for me to have never had my own room and it's 'normal' for you to have your own Cosmo: yeah, and my normal actually is Amber: ⭐ Cosmo: whatever Cosmo: go talk to him Amber: my dad's a teacher, you can have a sheet of them if you want Cosmo: I'm alright, thanks Amber: can I come and watch you play? Cosmo: why would you want to Amber: because you don't want to talk to me and it's a way we won't have to but I still get to get to know you Amber: and it'd be fun, I assume Cosmo: I've been a dick to you this whole time Cosmo: you should up your standards Amber: so no, I can't 👀⚽? Amber: unfriendly Cosmo: nice pun Cosmo: I can't stop you coming to a match Cosmo: but only girlfriends come to practice and the coaches hate that anyway Amber: but if you don't want me holding up a piece of cardboard cut into the shape of a 9 then I won't Amber: makes sense why you wouldn't if your girlfriend is gonna be there Cosmo: you just want an excuse to do some arts and crafts, I get it Cosmo: don't have one currently so no Amber: I would like something to do, thanks for offering Cosmo: what, they let you get bored, do they Amber: it's not summer camp Amber: just because I have to sleep outside Cosmo: thought you had shelter Cosmo: sleeping outside in this country is fucking abuse, like Amber: I don't always want to share a bed, please don't report me to my hippie overlords Amber: but you know, there's this technique called layering, it probably isn't aerodynamic enough for you to have heard of it... Cosmo: bollocks layering you're homeless Amber: I have an address any time you wanna send me 💌 Cosmo: be serious Cosmo: that's a shit state of affairs Amber: it's not my fave or my least fave Cosmo: why'd you tell me this Amber: you asked me where I sleep Cosmo: I've got enough to stress on Amber: you don't need to include me in whatever is stressing you out, okay? Amber: I'm fine, most days good Cosmo: I ain't like him, alright Cosmo: I don't reckon anything about the way you live is cool or even alright Amber: it isn't always cool but I doubt the way you live always is either Amber: my parents are happy here, I'm not unhappy enough here to leave yet Cosmo: what about how I live wouldn't be cool Amber: I don't know Amber: I don't know your life Cosmo: yeah, you don't Amber: you can have an apology if you'll take it Cosmo: I'm just not looking for any more worry Amber: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry Amber: there's 9 if I can count Cosmo: it's fine Cosmo: you seem nice Cosmo: you really shouldn't go around with my brother Amber: I'm not giving him any more chances, bad sex is one thing but bad manners... Cosmo: 😂 Cosmo: Swear, we were actually raised to have some of the latter Cosmo: I just Cosmo: dunno, with you Amber: I'm just a girl, you've been around those before, haven't you? Cosmo: piss off Cosmo: 'course I have Amber: so you don't have to worry Cosmo: sounds convincing, stalker Amber: how else would you like me to do it when you don't want me around? Cosmo: are you offended? Amber: no, I just don't know what I've done wrong Amber: it wasn't even your window Amber: or any of your stuff Cosmo: I don't like him Cosmo: I thought you were friends with him, so I didn't like you Cosmo: but if you ain't, I guess you can be alright Amber: I thought he was my friend too but I don't treat mine like that Cosmo: sorry Cosmo: he's a prick Amber: not your sorry to hand out but thanks Amber: I feel kinda stupid Cosmo: I wouldn't bother Cosmo: he chats like he's nice, does it with everyone Cosmo: but he's selfish, so he'll always put himself first even when he chats like you're mates or whatever else bollocks Amber: everyone chats like he's something but he's really something else Amber: and I fell for it 🥤 Cosmo: 🙄 Cosmo: he chats like he's something Amber: that too Cosmo: fuck him Cosmo: his loss, yeah Amber: I did and it was my loss Amber: he enjoyed himself Cosmo: don't Amber: no more details, but I don't want you to think I'm bad at it Cosmo: I don't wanna hear about my brother's sex life, you mean Amber: I'm stopping Amber: you don't have to hear about it Cosmo: 👌 Amber: [sends him a picture of wheels spelling out that emoji as best she can] Amber: I had some left Cosmo: steal a ⭐ Amber: [picture of it on her face however much later when she's back] Cosmo: cute Cosmo: does your dad teach at your school or what? Amber: he teaches everyone here who doesn't go to school Cosmo: ahh Cosmo: but you do Cosmo: you go to the same school as Dash? Amber: yes Cosmo: oof Cosmo: unlucky Amber: we're not in the same year, I have that much luck Cosmo: that is something Cosmo: he probably don't show much Amber: what's your school like? because I'm picturing the hunger games but with ⚽ Cosmo: only if you don't keep up with your work and footie Cosmo: not gonna get 💀 otherwise Cosmo: it's good Amber: how did you get in? Cosmo: you get spotted, then you do trials Amber: when you're a kid? Cosmo: the school is normal high school ages Cosmo: but younger the better in terms of getting on a team, getting your skills out there and seen Amber: how old were you? Cosmo: my dad played Cosmo: so soon as I could kick a ball and not fall over it, like Amber: so you don't want me to come and watch you because your dad will be there? Cosmo: I don't not want you to come Cosmo: just don't think you'd enjoy it Amber: why? Cosmo: it's 90 minutes, you know Amber: I'm not a goldfish Cosmo: I'm not saying that Amber: I think I liked it better when you called me a dealer over a useless stoner Cosmo: Come on Cosmo: I meant, all the girls get bored Cosmo: but you aren't going to like that either, are you Amber: are you 'not like other girls' ing me or calling me an over enthusiastic 🤓 now? I can't tell Cosmo: maybe you are a nerd Cosmo: wouldn't chess be more your scene? Amber: I'm not that ravenclaw Cosmo: definitely a massive 🤓 Amber: is your tone being endearing or unfriendly? Cosmo: I'm taking the piss Cosmo: not in a totally unfriendly manner Amber: slytherin energy Cosmo: oi Cosmo: they're the villains, that IS rude Amber: in the films because they were worried about attention spans too Cosmo: it's not an attention issue stopping me reading, however many books there was Cosmo: it's time Amber: not a big reader either Amber: we have something in common! Cosmo: sounds fake, nerd Cosmo: what do you like doing? Amber: the first things that came to mind were swimming and dancing, which makes me sound like I'm 9 Cosmo: not at all Cosmo: though it's pretty 'not like other girls' of you to not reply 📱🛍💅 or have no answer at all Amber: is it? Cosmo: girls I know, anyway Cosmo: not that that's my top chat-up line or anything Amber: well now you have to give me your top chat up line Cosmo: 😂 Amber: please! Cosmo: nah, not going to work outside of a club Cosmo: cold light of day or whatever Amber: I thought the whole appeal of clubs was supposed to be not being able to hold a conversation over the music Amber: not that I'm speaking from experience Cosmo: you don't do clubs? Cosmo: but precisely, loses its charm if you can actually hear the words Amber: I haven't yet Cosmo: you like dancing Amber: nobody from school has asked me Amber: probably because we live in the middle of nowhere Cosmo: cost a fortune in cabs Cosmo: you wanna go? Amber: if it means I get to hear the chat up line Amber: but seriously, yes, I do Cosmo: alright Cosmo: I'll take you Cosmo: as you like dancing so much Amber: 🙃 Amber: when? Cosmo: Saturday? Amber: isn't Sunday like THE day for football and church though? Amber: that sounds like something I've heard before Cosmo: yeah, that's right Cosmo: but I can handle it, not gonna get off my face if I'm escorting you, am I Amber: I'm not one of those girls Amber: you don't have to look after me Cosmo: it's not because you're a girl Cosmo: it's 'cos it's your first time Amber: those manners you mentioned being brought up to have Amber: it's nice to see them 👋 Cosmo: told ya Amber: when I invite myself over again I'll let your mama know she did a good job Cosmo: you want the stalker title back over nerd, yeah? Amber: I do have a name you could use, sometimes Cosmo: you go by yours then Cosmo: noted Amber: I'm the only Amber here, that's a good reason to Cosmo: nice one mum and dad Amber: maybe if they'd named me Acorn or Soleil or whatever I'd be more ✌☮💙🕊 Amber: I don't know Cosmo: If people suited their names, me and my brother would have to swap Amber: which one of your parents chose? Cosmo: mum Cosmo: I mean, sure it was a mutual decision at the time, but still Amber: same, my dad would've leaned more into the ✌☮💙🕊 vibe Cosmo: yeah Cosmo: still, you fit in enough without standing out loads everywhere else Cosmo: it's a good name, far as they go Amber: thanks, I'll tell her Cosmo: she as buzzing off validation as you Amber: no, that's my ⭐ Cosmo: she did marry a teacher Amber: her boyfriend looks after 👵👴 Amber: it could be a pattern Cosmo: sound like a self-help book now Amber: she'd get a kick out of that Amber: workshops are her thing Cosmo: I can imagine Amber: you can leave it at that, I won't extend an invitation even though IOU Cosmo: yeah, that's for the best all 'round Cosmo: you can cancel that debt Amber: unfriendly or gentlemanly? Cosmo: neither Cosmo: I don't reckon you've got any invite that I'd be interested in Amber: 😠 Cosmo: what's that face for? Amber: you throwing those manners out of the window and being rude again Cosmo: just realistic Cosmo: I don't fancy a workshop or jam sesh or whatever else Cosmo: not that kinda lad Amber: cynical Cosmo: you gonna waste time proving me otherwise? Amber: if you don't show me up on Saturday, maybe Cosmo: 😏 Amber: can you even dance? Cosmo: of course I can Cosmo: I'm not the one who's never been, I go all the time Amber: okay, I'm not asking you to prove yourself, even though it wouldn't be a waste of time Cosmo: you used to boys jumping when you say Amber: is that what it sounds like? Cosmo: what you look like Amber: you think I look like I could get boys to do whatever I want? Amber: like I'm so intimidating Cosmo: 😂 Cosmo: yeah your 😠 face is frightening Amber: 😂 Cosmo: yeah, you know Amber: I know you're not scared of me, you made sure I was told early on Cosmo: do you want to scare me? Amber: of course not Amber: why would I want to? Cosmo: I don't know Cosmo: some people go in for intimidating, don't they Amber: I really wanna 👀 into your 🌍 when you say things like that, 9 Amber: I guess it works for footballers Cosmo: called attack for a reason Cosmo: but anyone Cosmo: it's a good defense, oddly enough Amber: you don't have to defend yourself against me though so Cosmo: we're talking about you, remember Amber: I'm not in the habit of attacking anyone, using violence to resolve our conflicts is 😠 upon Amber: are you trying to get me kicked out of the hippie homestead? Cosmo: that'd be a kindness too far Cosmo: let's start with the club, yeah Amber: don't be getting me kicked out of there, please! Cosmo: best behaviour, remember Cosmo: leave your stash at home, dealer Amber: we didn't find it at yours and there's a chance I won't be able to 👀 over the bar Amber: a best behaviour guarantee until you trust me Cosmo: you are well short Cosmo: you'll still get served though Amber: I'll dress to impress whoever is on the door, since they probably do go in for intimidation, I imagine Cosmo: won't be hard Amber: no? Cosmo: 'course not Cosmo: when you're as short as you, don't need to be as tall as me to look directly down your top, like Amber: there isn't much to see, are you sure they'll let me in? Cosmo: I'm sure Amber: 🙂 Cosmo: you do know the dresscode, I assume Amber: barely any clothes is the impression you've given me Cosmo: You don't have to go that hard Cosmo: but smart casual probably excludes the properly hippie stuff Amber: I'll 🛍💅 Amber: like a 'normal' girl Cosmo: normal ain't overrated? Amber: I don't know Cosmo: first time trying that out too? Amber: my normal is all this Amber: sometimes I wish it wasn't, sometimes I don't Cosmo: yeah Cosmo: well, lemme know how it goes Amber: what? 🛍💅? Cosmo: yeah Cosmo: new normal, whatever Amber: you can come if you like Cosmo: that's alright Cosmo: I can already pass dresscode Amber: I meant to help me Cosmo: they have girls in shops for that Cosmo: I wouldn't be no help Amber: and I have school friends for that, but it'd be more fun with you Amber: and more help, because they'll just 🛍 for themselves Cosmo: I guess we could go Cosmo: Saturday as well Cosmo: I train 'til 2 but should have some time before I go gym at 4 Amber: one shop for 👗 and another for 💅 I promise Cosmo: what about 👠s? Amber: oh Amber: you're right Amber: this is why I need you Cosmo: can't be barefoot Cosmo: with all the others in stilettos, be a real safety hazard Amber: not at the start of the night anyway Cosmo: I'm not carrying you Cosmo: no matter how small you are Amber: you wouldn't have to go to the gym for as long if you did Amber: creative workout Cosmo: I probably lift double you Amber: is that one of your chat up lines? Cosmo: 😏 no Cosmo: girls hate gym chat Cosmo: unless they bring it up, but that's a specific type of girl Amber: so when I get to the club I shouldn't talk about how flexible I am? Amber: no yoga talk Cosmo: I'm sure that'd go down a treat Cosmo: I don't need to fight off creeps though Amber: you won't have to, my 😠 face is SCARY Cosmo: terrifying Cosmo: not as scary as my coach if I get injured Amber: best behaviour, boy Cosmo: yeah, you better Amber: you'll see 👼🏽 Cosmo: it is believing Amber: 🏋🏽📸 please Cosmo: you wanna see how much I can lift? Amber: yes Cosmo: alright Cosmo: not like I'll be the only twat with their camera out, like Amber: 🤳🏽💪🏽 Cosmo: yeah Cosmo: 🤳🏽🍑 if you're a girl Amber: I won't be sending those to your inbox, don't worry Cosmo: shame Amber: your coach doesn't want you getting injured Cosmo: wouldn't look and lift Amber: I'll keep it in mind Cosmo: just more jokes Cosmo: don't worry Amber: shame Cosmo: touche Amber: what are you actually doing right now though? 🏋🏽? Cosmo: got stuff to do at home Cosmo: you? Amber: cryptic Amber: but me too Cosmo: you know, this and that Amber: 🍏🍎 and 🍊🍊 Cosmo: what are you doing then? Amber: chasing chickens Amber: they've escaped Cosmo: 😂 Cosmo: of course Amber: cardio Amber: how many chickens could you lift? Cosmo: that's a question of claws, not lbs Cosmo: wouldn't look very good if I got all scratched up Amber: you could tell your teammates it was my fault, without going into the 🐓 details Amber: that would look better Cosmo: you think that's how it is Cosmo: locker room talk, like Amber: isn't it? Cosmo: I couldn't possibly comment Amber: that says something in itself Cosmo: basic stuff Cosmo: got to work as a team Cosmo: snitches get stitches Amber: but I'm the one in a cult Cosmo: teams have contracts Cosmo: literally know what I signed up for, and I'll join another one or sign back up when I'm done Amber: I don't have to give them my first born 👶🏽 Amber: your dad sacrificed you to ⚽ Cosmo: and yours didn't to their bullshit agenda? Amber: what agenda? Cosmo: I can't be bothered with this Amber: with what? Cosmo: this discussion Amber: there is no discussion because you shut it down Cosmo: because we've had it Amber: fine Cosmo: you don't know shit about my dad and I don't know shit about yours Cosmo: let's keep it that way Amber: if that's what you want Cosmo: why wouldn't it be Amber: never mind Cosmo: 👌 Cosmo: later then Amber: bye Amber: [we should say the necklace moment is after this but before clubbing because it works as a sorry/peace offering as well as a thanks/miss you/love you now so] Cosmo: you'll have to tell me your address Cosmo: for the 💌 Amber: [does] Cosmo: if my brother could be trusted with anything Cosmo: be able to pop it through the nearest open window but Amber: if we were at Hogwarts 🦉 Cosmo: thought you were a raven? Amber: owls deliver the post and it's a 🦅 Cosmo: I'll do my best to remember, nerd Amber: 😛 Cosmo: where'd you get this Cosmo: the necklace, I mean Amber: you can't buy me another one if that's why you're asking Cosmo: it isn't Cosmo: you should keep it, if it's special though Amber: I want you to have it Cosmo: thank you, then Amber: you don't have to wear it if you don't want to Amber: I won't be offended Cosmo: I like it Cosmo: can't wear nothing when I play though, not that big anyway Cosmo: turn your gift into a bit of a crap one if I get throttled with it Amber: hunger games, I called it Cosmo: be a bit of an obvious foul but some lads have no self-control, like Amber: that'd be a good chat up line, something about how good yours is Amber: make a girl feel special when you give in Cosmo: ha Cosmo: you wanna be my wingwoman or something? Amber: do you need one? Cosmo: I do alright Amber: I don't think I'll have to 👀 that to believe it Amber: I've seen you Cosmo: is that a compliment? Amber: yes Cosmo: I'm not like that, you know Amber: I know now Cosmo: I mean, I'm not one of the ones that keeps score and is competitive about it Cosmo: and we're not all like that Amber: I didn't picture you like that, don't worry Cosmo: good Amber: 🙂 Cosmo: 🙃? Amber: I'm the right way up because I'm in the know Amber: why are you upside down? Cosmo: maybe I'm doing pull-ups Amber: without me on top of you, they must be so easy Cosmo: you're thinking of push-ups Amber: oh Amber: wrapped around you then Cosmo: Amber Amber: is that still not what a pull up is? Cosmo: no, you got it Amber: you must think I'm like such an idiot sometimes Amber: or an 👽 Cosmo: I don't Cosmo: I didn't know about the birds Amber: you haven't got time to immerse yourself in a fictional 🌍 about 🐍🦅🦡🦁 Amber: you're a ⚽⭐ Cosmo: you're a different kind of ⭐ Cosmo: I've seen the 📸 proof Amber: you're being nice to me, you must like the necklace Amber: now I know bribery is the way forward, I'll get the first round in on Saturday Cosmo: Bribery always works, don't it Amber: but it probably wouldn't if I offered you 🥚 or 🍎🍏🍊 Cosmo: you got the chickens back then Amber: I'm not telling you again how flexible I am, boy Cosmo: be a bit of a brag if you keep going on about it Cosmo: must be fast, too Amber: compared to all these lazy boys and girls in long skirts, sure Amber: I don't think I'd win a race against you though Cosmo: just don't be coming for my spot on the team Amber: you'd have to train me first, I assume you'd notice the ploy before it happened Cosmo: not a 🦅 Cosmo: but not that thick either Amber: slytherins are really intelligent, everyone knows that Amber: you should get the audiobooks for the gym Cosmo: I'm still hoping for Gryffindor Cosmo: only got your word on how evil I am 😏 Amber: that's your brother, you don't wanna be in the same house as him Cosmo: sure, he gets to be the hero Cosmo: 🙄 Amber: he gets to be a reckless idiot Amber: [sends him the pottermore link to be sorted like a nerd] Cosmo: now this is a cult Amber: you aren't wrong this time Cosmo: I know, you've been well passionate about this stuff Amber: I finished the last book not long ago, it's fresh in my mind Cosmo: how often do you think anyone's reading the bible start to finish Amber: never? Cosmo: exactly Amber: don't they just pick the parts out they like Cosmo: they study it allegedly Amber: I'd rather you take me to go swim instead Cosmo: would you now Amber: if we're planning our next activity Cosmo: it is your other favourite thing, I remembered Amber: then we can yours Amber: do* Cosmo: nice try Cosmo: not training you Amber: I don't believe football is your only fave thing Cosmo: 👀 is Cosmo: my socials and actual life suggest otherwise Amber: fine, what's your fave food? Amber: I'll make it Cosmo: [some healthy protein bullshit that would not be anyone's favourite really] Amber: [is gonna invite herself over and make a swag meal out of it 100% though] Amber: free up some more time for me Amber: I'll be waiting for the 💌 Cosmo: alright Cosmo: is gonna be a decent run to yours so thanks for that Amber: you don't want me knocking on your door? Amber: I've been highlighting the best 🐍 quotes to preach at you and everything Cosmo: You've done your homework Cosmo: I'm impressed Cosmo: but not a gift if I don't hand-deliver it like you did Amber: warn me before you climb into my hammock Cosmo: not going to deprive you of your favourite spot Amber: someone else could've, that's more what I was thinking Amber: for your sake, not mine Cosmo: not planning on coming in, you're alright Amber: I'm not gonna let them kidnap you, you'll be okay Cosmo: I feel so much safer now I've got 😠 on side Amber: you know you can't be gryffindor and hide behind me Cosmo: good thing I was joking Amber: 🙃 Cosmo: do you do boyfriends or what Amber: sometimes Amber: if we're staying in one place for a while Cosmo: how long have you lived here Amber: 🤔 7 months in like a week Amber: it'd be cooler if it was 9 when we met so I may have to start lying Cosmo: probably isn't very ✌&❤ of you but I won't tell Amber: how long have you lived here? Cosmo: forever Amber: then you've gotta have a fave place you can take me to! Amber: I will fight you if you say it's the gym Cosmo: wouldn't want that 😂 Cosmo: I don't know Cosmo: give me time to think Amber: I'm fine with you sending an owl but no 🐍 please Cosmo: 🦁? Amber: I don't know the etiquette of them coming to tea, it's always tigers Amber: but I wouldn't be popular with the rest of the animals here Cosmo: rude but realistic way to describe your housemates? Amber: 😂 Amber: when I do sleep outside so I guess the 🐓🐄🐎🐖🐏🐑🦙🐐 kinda are my roommates Cosmo: my dad just got a puppy Amber: 📸? Cosmo: [insta that's clearly the dad's gf] Amber: 🥰 Cosmo: yeah, pretty cute Amber: I'm mad you're so law abiding honestly Amber: really wanna steal it Cosmo: how'd you work that one out? Amber: I've never met anyone as hung up about a girl coming through an open window Cosmo: 🙄 Amber: if you wanna say it was because it was me ⭐ I'm fine with that, obviously Cosmo: it's not about you Cosmo: 💔 I know Amber: you could've lied to give me a compliment! Amber: [adorable pouty selfie] Cosmo: stop it Amber: [another one like no I shan't] Cosmo: 😒 Amber: you're not gonna show me your real face? Cosmo: [his own pouty selfie back] Amber: you should do that when the referee is being rude, I think it would work Cosmo: missed that scandal Cosmo: worse luck Amber: those would be prying questions, being a ravenclaw 🤓 wouldn't be an excuse to go that hard Cosmo: it was in the 🗞s Cosmo: it was a coach though, and before my time Amber: I'm not a journalist looking for a scoop, promise Cosmo: what are you looking for? Amber: 🥧 but there were none cooling on your windowsills Cosmo: sorry to disappoint Amber: you didn't Amber: everything turned around Cosmo: you were just glad it weren't Dash Amber: at first Cosmo: that makes two of us Amber: you were helpful, I'm gladder about that Cosmo: you're welcome Amber: I know, I'll be back Cosmo: alright Arnie Amber: I wouldn't be a good stalker if I just left Cosmo: I won't say I've had better Cosmo: you'll 🥺 again Amber: no I won't Amber: you like it too much Cosmo: psh Cosmo: piss off Amber: 👀👆 you're not getting me away from your windows that easily Cosmo: ugh Amber: how many have you had? Cosmo: stalkers? Cosmo: just a few Amber: and out of the few, who's better than me? Cosmo: you aren't stalking them too Amber: well give me a number Cosmo: why? Amber: because I won't have to 🥺 if I know Cosmo: well, I went out with them so it's a different scale Amber: have all your girlfriends stalked you? Cosmo: no Cosmo: just some of them Amber: okay, I'll avoid raising a red flag Cosmo: ? Amber: if you thought all your exes were crazy... Cosmo: nah Cosmo: these were dates Cosmo: not girlfriend girlfriends Cosmo: they were fine, obviously Amber: I love that you go on dates, 9 Cosmo: what do you mean Amber: who does that? I'm picturing like 🤵💐 Cosmo: shut up Amber: I'm not making fun of you Amber: you're ⭐ it's no surprise you have girls 🤩 Cosmo: still Amber: I'm just jealous that no boys are 🤵💐 for me Cosmo: sure Amber: maybe I'll meet a gentleman in the club Cosmo: maybe you're not gonna do that Amber: don't put a hex on me, please Cosmo: not gonna watch you get with some creep who 'doesn't know' you're underage Amber: if you're the only 🤵💐 in an acceptable age range, I feel sad for every girl who lives here Amber: you can't date all of us Cosmo: you'll be gone soon and that won't be your problem Amber: pardon? Amber: where am I going? Cosmo: somewhere with more hammocks Cosmo: less 🐔s Amber: I'm not done here Amber: you haven't even built me a pool yet Cosmo: who am I? 💰💰💰 Amber: yes? Amber: ⚽⭐🏆🥂🤵 Cosmo: ha Cosmo: not yet Amber: unless my mama breaks up with her boyfriend, you probably will be before I leave though Cosmo: that why you move? Amber: we came here because my dad left his girlfriend, but that isn't usually why Amber: they like to go where they feel needed, professionally Cosmo: hm 👌 Amber: what are you saying to me, boy? Cosmo: nothing you don't already know Amber: but you still can't help yourself, right? Cosmo: that's why I didn't actually say it Amber: valiant attempt Cosmo: what, I should have said nothing? Amber: you should say what you want to, whether that's nothing or something Amber: I don't mind, whatever you're avoiding telling me I'll have heard before Cosmo: Whatever, it isn't my business Amber: it isn't plenty of people's but they have plenty to say Cosmo: I mean I don't care Amber: unfriendly but honest Cosmo: why should I Amber: why should you care about me? Amber: if that's a question you're posing, I don't think you should Cosmo: and you about me Cosmo: we don't know each other Amber: if you don't have the time, space or willingness to get to know me, that's fine Amber: but if you're open to it, that's where I'm coming from Cosmo: I don't think I can Amber: because of you or because of me? Cosmo: because of my life Amber: okay Cosmo: it is what it is Amber: it's your life Cosmo: yeah Amber: I'm sorry for being pushy Cosmo: don't apologize Cosmo: you don't need to Amber: I feel like I've done the wrong thing so I do Cosmo: I'm sorry it feels like that then Cosmo: I didn't plan it Amber: how could you? I like invaded your life 🛸 Cosmo: you didn't intend to do that either Amber: but I could've just gone back out of the window, I didn't, so there's the first wrong thing Cosmo: you didn't know Cosmo: if I was different Amber: that's why I called it the first one, because I built on it once I was more aware Amber: you've spelled it out a few times Cosmo: you were just being a nice person Amber: a nice person would take the hint Cosmo: it's not your fault Cosmo: seriously Amber: it's not yours either Cosmo: it is Amber: you can't force it to be right, the timing or whatever Amber: your life is full Cosmo: it's not Cosmo: our lives don't go together in any way Amber: they could, but I'm not gonna force that on you any more than I have Cosmo: I promise they couldn't Cosmo: I like you Cosmo: I've thought about it, any way or every way possible Amber: that doesn't make sense to me, we could be anything together Cosmo: because you can be anything Cosmo: I can't Cosmo: I have things I have to be, no discussion Amber: I know, I might not fully understand but I've been listening Amber: ⚽⭐🏆🥂🤵 Cosmo: it's more serious than it sounds Cosmo: it's the only thing I'm good at Amber: I'm not making fun of you about this either Amber: I couldn't be more undecided about what I wanna do, it's not a bad thing that you've worked that out Amber: I'm not saying it is, I wouldn't Cosmo: I know, you're a nice person Cosmo: whatever else I've said, seriously or otherwise Cosmo: it isn't even like it's a choice Cosmo: it's something I have to do Amber: I'm obviously not nice if you feel like you have to defend your entire life Amber: you don't need to do this, explain like you owe me anything Cosmo: I'm just trying to explain why we wouldn't work, I want to Amber: how does it work with your other friends? Cosmo: they're all on the team Amber: so you don't see them outside of games and training? Cosmo: no, we go out too, like I said Cosmo: but games and training is the majority of my time Cosmo: the rest is home Amber: why can't we go out too? Amber: sometimes Amber: at least a few of your teammates must have girlfriends or whatever, it's not like I'd have to be the only girl there Cosmo: they all do Cosmo: but they usually aren't invited Cosmo: but there'll still be girls there Amber: if you want this to work, we can start there then Amber: I'll show up Saturday and whenever after Cosmo: was my mum home when you came over Cosmo: before Amber: I don't think so Amber: he said nobody was Cosmo: alright Amber: I haven't met her and if I do you don't have to worry about me announcing how we met Cosmo: I don't know why I brought it up Cosmo: it's not that though Amber: whatever is worrying you about her, you don't have to add the possibility of that conversation to it, is all I mean Amber: I had sex with your brother and came back like a stalker and a thief, I know it's strange Cosmo: I'm her carer Amber: but Dash is at the commune more than I am Amber: when does he help? Cosmo: he was never any good at any of it Cosmo: she can do a lot herself, but her work exhausts her so when she's home she does need help, just makes sense Amber: he still has to be there to try Amber: when my dad gets in one of his moods, it's hard on everyone but I wouldn't be anywhere else Cosmo: well he don't Cosmo: but I can do it fine on my own Amber: he's worse than I thought Cosmo: that's not why I told you Cosmo: I'm busy, you know, all the time Cosmo: but saturday Cosmo: we can do saturday Amber: I know but he is Amber: everything shouldn't fall on you Cosmo: it's whatever Amber: his life is far from full Amber: it's unacceptable Cosmo: don't think your 😠 face with cut it Ambs Amber: I'm not gonna charge up to him and demand he changes his life, he wouldn't listen and it'd just add to your stress Amber: I don't wanna do that Cosmo: I appreciate it Cosmo: don't worry about him, I don't Amber: it's about you, and your mama Amber: what about your dad? Cosmo: They split when I was 10 Cosmo: they don't hate each other or anything but it's day to day shit so, defeats the point of the split if he's there for every dinner, every bed time, like Amber: can you talk to him about how you feel though? Cosmo: I could Cosmo: but I don't need to Amber: as long as you have someone you can, for if you do need to Cosmo: do you? Amber: I can talk to my parents about everything, except the 🐘 in the room Amber: they'll say mental health is as important as physical when it's not their own, you know Cosmo: sure, no topic is off-limits Cosmo: but you won't get an actual answer Amber: they'd like to think they're unique... Cosmo: wouldn't we all Cosmo: no one is though Amber: you missed another opportunity to compliment me there Cosmo: sorry Cosmo: wouldn't seem like one when unique = mental Amber: I could be, we don't know each other well Amber: yet Cosmo: maybe Cosmo: I'll save unique for later then Cosmo: you've had nice, don't be greedy Amber: 👼🏽👌🏽 Cosmo: angelic is a bit of a stretch but Cosmo: alright Amber: because you don't like agreeing with me Cosmo: just because we don't agree, doesn't mean I take any pleasure in it, like 😏 Amber: what do you take pleasure in? I'll do more of it Cosmo: quite the proposition Amber: think about it and 💌 me Cosmo: I will Amber: but being serious, are you at home? Cosmo: why? Amber: because this conversation got more serious than 'thanks for the necklace, I love it' and I wanna make sure you're fine Amber: but if I do a doorstep welfare check I promise not to quote from the bible Cosmo: you don't need to do that Cosmo: I'm good Amber: I won't come in, you can just 😏 and I'll know you're okay Cosmo: [sends selfie like there you go] Amber: slytherin response Cosmo: 🙄 you take the piss Amber: if I have another gift for you, will you wanna see me then? Cosmo: you trying to buy my ❤? Amber: you said bribery works so if I need to buy a real 😏 Cosmo: I didn't mean for the conversation to get that serious Cosmo: it's not my chat-up line Amber: even if you only opened up because you were thinking we wouldn't have to see each other again, it doesn't matter Amber: you needed to talk Amber: it wouldn't have been as easy at the club or the gym Cosmo: you aren't going to just forget it happened, are you Amber: do you want me to? Cosmo: it'd be easier Amber: because you wish you hadn't told me or because you're embarrassed Cosmo: I wish I hadn't told you Cosmo: but not because it's you Cosmo: well, kind of Cosmo: I don't need help or sympathy or anything Amber: I'll forget after I've delivered your 🎁 Amber: you maybe could as well, after it, there's a clue Cosmo: oh, I get it Cosmo: trying to get me hooked with a free taste Amber: not a dealer, remember Cosmo: likely story Amber: you'll 👀 Amber: I'll knock 9 times Cosmo: 😂 Cosmo: I might answer before you manage that Amber: I knew you wanted to see me, boy Cosmo: you're alright to look at Amber: I know that too but thanks Cosmo: 😏 Amber: if you're already smirking there's no way I'm gonna tell you that you're beautiful too Cosmo: you already did Amber: when I properly do it'll hit differently Cosmo: yet more drug talk Cosmo: one-track mind, thought I was bad Amber: 😂

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words-writ-in-starlight · 6 years

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oh my god, night world was my ENTIRE TEENAGE YEARS (like 10 years after they were published lol) PLEASE talk more about it

So, I’m gonna get two things off my chest at the top of this post and then get self-indulgent toward the bottom.

FIRST: Why the fuck are these books not...a thing on the Internet. I understand that they were published in the 90′s but so were a lot of things, okay. They’re romance novels but they’re generally well written and engaging and also the author is not shy about, you know, the fact that vampires and werewolves and suchlike are gonna have a pretty high gore incidence rate. They’re certainly vastly superior to Twilight and most of the other YA romance I’ve read, and I can list you like a dozen things that were stolen wholesale from Night World for more popular paranormal romance books. Do you know how many soulmate asks I have in my inbox right now? NEWSFLASH PEOPLE: THE NIGHT WORLD HAS EXISTED THIS WHOLE GODDAMN TIME. They have EVERY ROMANTIC TROPE YOU COULD EVER WANT. They're not perfect, obviously, and they were written in the 90′s, sure, so they’re problematic or however you want to address that, but also the girls are described as...like...”gallant” and “noble” and “honorable” as the reasons that people are in love with them, and COME THE FUCK ON, WHO DOESN’T WANT THAT? I’m not fucking kidding, James describes Poppy as gallant in the very first book and it’s the sweetest, most romantic shit in the world. I cannot BELIEVE that all these motherfuckers on AO3 are like “hey, look soulmates!” and then I’m all alone on this tiny little island with my healthy and supportive soulmate romance series. I’m mortally offended that The Vampire Diaries are more popular than these books.

SECOND: I understand that the (very very small) fandom is upset about Strange Fate, okay, I get it, I’m upset too! It’s been twenty years! Just admit the last book is never coming out, LJ, let us grieve and move the hell on. I get it. But also! Literally every post in the tag is about Strange Fate. I do not actually care that much about Strange Fate, as it has been two decades without progress and I have moved on to appreciating the books I did get rather than despairing of the books I didn’t. So like. Let’s all just move on and actually produce some content that isn’t Strange Fate centric, okay? There are nine very good books with very good characters and a lot of fun dynamics to play with. I’m gonna need everyone to come to terms with whatever they need to come to terms with, vis a vis Strange Fate, spank their inner moppet or whatever, and generate some content for the books that exist. THANKS.

Anyway, to that effect, here is a non-exhaustive list of fics I want for these books.

The one that SHOULD be rehashed and redone ad nauseam, aka The Most Famous Vampire Hunter In America And Also THE Quinn Show Up At Thierry’s With A Bunch Of Traumatized Girls And Lord Thierry Descoudres Discovers That Actually He Can Still Be Surprised It Just Takes Some Doing

(The sequel to the above, Quinn And Rashel Are Probably Profoundly Unwelcome At Circle Daybreak At First)

Blaise Harman Makes Thierry Uncomfortable, Also Once Hannah Panicked And Snap-Kicked Her Remarkably Hard, Thea Sympathizes But Also Please Do Not

Jez And Morgead Yell At Each Other Like Children, Get Mortally Offended When Other People Are Rude

Ash Redfern Of All People Shows Up At Thierry’s, Gets Dragged By James

John Quinn Gets Dragged By Ash (And Probably Many Other People)

Rowan And Kestrel And Jade Are All Very Protective Of Mary-Lynette And All Mary-Lynette’s College Friends Think She Has A Really Huge Family

Rowan And Phillip Are The World’s Most Level-headed Soulmates

My own personal headcanon that I’m ride or die for, John Quinn Is Far Better With Technology Than Anyone Else At Circle Daybreak, To General Confusion

Jez Has An Uncomfortable Conversation With Her Mortal Family, Morgead Hovers And Refuses To Admit It

AU Where Hannah Dies For Good And Everything Is Bad

Kestrel And Miles Are Soulmates, aka Bird Jokes, The Fic

Daphne And Illyana Are Soulmates

Delos Is Not Sure About Cars Or Computers Or Really Any Of This, Also He Makes Friends With Quinn

For Narrative Reasons, Rashel Is Sent To Collect Mary-Lynette, Mary-Lynette Is Alarmed And Baffled By Circle Daybreak At Large

Maggie And Mary-Lynette Meet And Immediately Become Best Friends, Ash Feels Someone Walk Over His Grave And Delos Is Resigned To Further Chaos

Rashel And Quinn Can Still Dial Up The Menace Like Nobody’s Business, It Makes Everyone Uncomfortable

Paul Gets A Weird Private Gig Because All Of Circle Daybreak Needs Therapy, He Finds Quinn Profoundly Unnerving But It’s Nice To See Hannah Happy

Hannah Still Has Hundreds Of Lifetimes Of Trauma Telling Her Thierry Is Evil: The Anthology, featuring highlights such as

Rashel And Hannah Bond About Nightmares And Also Fighting

Hannah Adjusts To Being Called Lady And Is Uncomfortable With It

Hannah’s Mother Comes Down To Find Out What The Fuck Is Up With Her Daughter, Meets Strange Rich Teenager With Weird Name

Chess Comes Down To Find Out What The Fuck Is Up With Her Bestie, Discovers That Actually Vampires Are Real And One Killed Her Once

Thierry And Hannah Have Uncomfortable Discussions About Lifetimes He’s Screwed Up

Quinn And Hannah Talk About Being Around A Long Time

Hannah Has Nightmares, The Fic

Thierry Has Nightmares, The Fic

Poppy And Hannah Have The Dead Before Seventeen Joke Market Cornered, James And Thierry Are Not Thrilled

Hannah Has Never Been A Good Cook Ever, But She Has Some Really Weird Skills Squirreled Away That Hannah Snow Has Never Tried Before But Is Very Good At Because Old Souls Are Like That

And the AU that has been kind of running rampant through my mind, in which, by narrative hand-waving, Maya agrees to back off when Thierry says that Hannah doesn’t want him around anymore, but Thierry doesn’t trust her for good and obvious reasons and therefore quietly places a “transfer” student at Hannah’s school. Lupe and Hannah and Chess all become good friends and angst ensues when Hannah discovers that Lupe is a plant. Lupe tries to convince Hannah that Thierry’s not a monster, Thierry tries to stay well out of it, Hannah tries not to get murdered since she’s doing such a good job so far. Everything still ends okay but everyone pays pretty handsomely for it.

#night world #night world books #lj smith #soulmates #thierry descoudres #hannah snow #no prizes for which book i just finished #HELLO NEW FRIEND!!!!!! I TOO LOVE THESE BOOKS!#IF YOU HAVE NOT REREAD THEM IN SOME TIME THEY AGE REMARKABLY WELL #I RECOMMEND A REREAD #anyway i want all these fics and there are like three dozen on ao3 and not many more on ffn.net #which tells you something about my desperation level does it not?#god i just...want some fic okay #i just want some fic #please #i've been concocting this list in my head all day #i listened to the last bit of soulmate today (the one with hannah and thierry obvs)#and the first part of huntress (the one with jez and morgead)#and i'm remembering that actually 'childhood frenemies' is a great and vastly underused romantic trope #also: literally no character in all of these books is ever as oblivious as jez redfern and i would take a bullet for her #...complete with reformed homicidal tendencies #ANYWAY #GIVE ME THE GOOD GOOD HANNAH/THIERRY CONTENT #JESUS #queue deeper than the sea of stars #asked and answered #emilise284

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reality-warp · 6 years

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Point That Thing Somewhere Else: Part 1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Bonus

A/N: In answer to the very popular AU question in my inbox: what would it have been like if Eleanor had woken 65-ish years earlier in The Hobbit timeline, and joined the Company of Thorin Oakenshield instead of the Fellowship? Well...

“Point that thing somewhere else!”

Those had been my first words to the elven man who’d just saved my life. I’d meant them to come out with at least some dignity, maybe even a glimmer of polite gratitude. He had, after all, just rescued me from an economy sized arachnid trying to sink toxic fangs the size of kitchen knives into my neck.

But no.

Instead, they’d sprung from me in a full blown, slightly hysterical shout right into his startlingly handsome face. Not the best response to being saved by a tall, handsome blond stranger armed with a bow and a small battalion of lethal looking wood elves. But considering that he was now pointing a nocked arrow directly at my face, I felt just a little bit justified in my rudeness.

The impossibly good looking elf just stared at me as if I’d just slapped him across his pronounced cheekbones.

“What?” he whispered, a dangerous look leaking into his eyes.

Adrenaline wasn’t my friend in this situation. I was still weak at the knees, my hunting knife clenched so tight in my hand I could feel my arms shaking like leaves. I had to take a deep steadying breath before I was sure my voice would shake to.

“I said, point that thing somewhere else, please,” I repeated, adding the belated touch of politeness, but still refusing to break eye contact with him. He had the iciest pair of grey-blue eyes I’d ever seen, sharper even than Aragorn’s. Though I guessed—at barely sixteen—Aragorn hadn’t yet seen enough of life’s cruel beauty outside Imladris to develop that frozen expression.

This elf—whoever he was—had.

Mildly stunned as he was by my verbal slap in the face, there was still a cold intensity to those eyes that left me with the feeling that I’d just poked an angry wolf with a stick.

“Lass!” Balin’s panicked voice suddenly boomed through the trees, breaking my unsettlingly intense staring contest with the blond man. I barely resisted a sigh of relief.

“I’m fine! I’m not hurt,” I called back over my shoulder, not taking my eyes off my saviour-come-captor and the arrow still only a hand span from my nose. “Not yet anyway,” I added in a whisper.

The blond elf obviously heard me, because I saw his shoulders tense. I flinched on instinct, my eyes instantly going to the arrow, but the second he saw my alarm he quickly lowered his bow. I was about to let out a breath of relief, but that reflex was immediately arrested in favour of alarm when he reached out to me with a gloved hand.

I froze.

From the dark expression on his face (and maybe the residual adrenaline) I honestly thought he was going to wrap his long fingers about my neck. But instead, he reached past my face, and brusquely pushed back my tangled brown hair in a gesture that—while not exactly gentlemanly—was surprisingly gentle.

His hard expression went slack. I wasn’t sure anyone else, Elves or Dwarves would have noticed the minute change in expression, even if they were in eyeshot. But I was close enough to see my captor’s intense blue eyes widen slightly, and his lips part in surprise.

It took me an embarrassingly long moment to realise what he was looking at.

My ears. My pointed ears.

Ears that marked me very clearly as a she-elf. An unusually short she-elf who was apparently allied with a troupe of dwarves, and had also just openly insulted a member of her own race who had saved her life from giant spiders.

Oh, boy. Thorin and this guy were going to get along like a goblin nest on fire.

“She’s one of us?” One of the dark-haired male archers blurted in Sindarin, sounding just as startled as my blond captor still looked.

The sound of his subordinate seemed to shake him out of his daze though, and a second later he’d fixed his hardened expression back into place. His gloved hand dropped from the side of my head to my shoulder, and pushed me rather roughly towards the trees.

“Put her with the others,” he ordered, still looking at me as if I’d just insulted his mother. Suppressing the urge to glare back, I reluctantly complied, and a couple of the elven archers began nudging me back through the trees towards the clearing where I’d been chased from my allies.

The Dwarven company of Thorin Oakenshield looked surprisingly well, considering they’d just been assaulted by a horde of giant arachnid, and then subsequently a horde of elven supermodels wielding bows. Dwalin looked pissed off, or at least more so than usual. Balin was attempting to look placating, and poor Ori still looked a little shaken and white around the eyes, but he and a few of the others graced me with smiles of relief at the sight of me in one piece. All of them were in the same position I’d just been in; an array of arrows aimed carefully at them by the surrounding Elves.

“Ellie!” Fili gave me a wicked grin around the sneering elf who was guarding him. “We thought you’d got done in for a minute there.”

“So did I. Next time I’ll run faster,” I tried to grin, but it felt brittle on my face. I was uncomfortably aware of the fact that a lot of eyes, both Dwarven and elven had locked onto me in particular. The archer behind me gave me a non-too gentle shove into the group, just as a slightly dazed looking Kili was being pushed towards the others by a female elf with gorgeous hip length red hair.

He looked a bit like he’d been hit over the head with a mallet and dropped off a cliff, and even after he’d been pushed into the midst next to a stone-faced Thorin, he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the retreating form of the fire-haired she elf.

Double damn.

Thorin was really going to love this now.

He’d been pissed enough about being coerced (read: blackmailed) by a wizard into taking on an elven healers apprentice as the company’s resident surgeon (read: myself). He hadn’t noticed yet, being too busy exchanging death glared with our captors. But if he cottoned on to the fact that his Dwarven company’s integrity had been further corrupted by his nephew apparently developing an insta-crush on a tall, pretty elf woman; I think his head might actually explode.

Which was when another sinking realisation struck me: a Dwarven companions only.

Thirteen Dwarves, and no Hobbits in sight…

Where in hell was Bilbo?

I glanced around as subtly as I could manage but couldn't see any trace of our burglar anywhere. I didn’t dare ask any of the others if they’d seen him in the fight. There was no guarantee if I let slip we had a missing party member aloud, our captors wouldn’t immediately send a very attractive lynch mob into the woods after him.

“Search them,” my blond Disney assailant commanded as he strode back into the clearing, handing his bow off to another archer. The same one who had spoken when he’d displayed my ears looked uneasily between us.

“But, my prince, she is—” He said quietly, and was met with a hard look.

“I know what she is, Orelion. Search her as well.”

My eyes widened at him.

Prince? Prince?! This was the prince of the Woodland Realm? King Thranduil’s son?

I almost sputtered, but just about managed to hold in my shock and indignation when said prince strode straight over to me, stopping barely half a step from our toes touching. I had to tilt my head up to meet his stony glare with my own.

“Your weapons, now.”

I felt my hand tighten unconsciously around the hilt of my hunting knife that I was still gripping, and his gaze sharped as he noticed. Forcing myself to relax, I stubbornly told myself that it was only temporary, and one way or another, I’d get it back.

“Fine,” I hissed finally, making a show of sheathing it and removing it from my belt. “But only since you asked so politely.”

Illogical as it was, the more I was exposed to this guy, the more he seemed to rile me up. I may or may not have slapped the hilt a little harder than necessary into his palm when he held a hand out to take it; and wavered a little as his eyes flickered over the names engraved on the hilt then up to me again.

My eight most important words.

I looked deliberately away as he took my throwing knives, and the needles from my medical satchel; some of which were so huge they could have easily doubles as weapons, or even lock picks. Instead I tried to focus on what was going on around us, trying to pick up as much information on who our apparent captors were, and how in hell we were going to get away.

Just looking round at them I couldn’t really tell much beyond the fact that they must be members of King Thranduil’s guard, and that none of them seemed particularly fond of Dwarves.

Another thing I noted was that none of them seemed to be making any particular effort to keep their voices down as they divested Thorin’s crew of their weapons too. Most of them were conversing in rapid but clearly insulting Sindarin with little to no concern for the fact that they might be understood, and it took me a long moment to realise why. It was obvious none of the dwarves were versed in the language, but so far the only words I’d spoken had been in the Common Tongue too. It seemed that they had taken that as evidence that—along with my apparently un-elf like appearance—I could neither speak nor understand their particular dialect either.

They were in fact wrong in that assumption.

“Goodness! She’s so tiny!” One of the lovelier female archers with rich brown curls tittered.

“Are you sure she is one of the Eldar?”

“More like an oversized halfling than a true elleth,” another added with a pitying, almost mocking little smile at me.

I sighed. Languages had never really been my forte, but Lord Elrond had found my early efforts at Sindarin so offensive he’d made damned sure that I learned to speak it to within an inch of perfection in the past two years. It probably would have been the smarter thing to keep pretending I couldn’t understand every word they were saying in the hopes that they’d let something slip, but I’d already used up patients quota for the day.

And life is too short to put up with simpering, aesthetically perfect immortals with more pompous pride than manners.

I gave the three twittering archers a withering look.

“You do know I can hear everything you’re saying, right? I’m small, not deaf,” I said in a deliberately loud voice so everyone heard.

To my satisfaction, the she-elves each had the grace to look embarrassed as well as shocked, and I actually saw a couple of the male archers—and surprisingly, Kili’s red haired saviour—fighting to hold back grins.

But out of the corner of my eye, I could see the blond elf who’d taken my weapons away continuing to stare hard at me. If I was honest, frustratingly handsome as he was, the surly expression and death staring was starting to really border on irritating now. It was like being stared at by a pissed off Disney prince who’s been spurned one too many times by his would-be princess.

I stared back, not bothering to hide my disdain, and I was mildly surprised when his expression shifted very slightly from annoyed to… curious?

But I blinked, and it was gone, and less than a minute later we were being frogmarched through the forest towards the gates of the Halls of the Woodland realm.

We weren’t exactly told to stay silent during the walk, but every time one of us opened our mouthes to speak we were glared down until we stopped whispering. I didn’t even bother trying to whisper. I was too busy focusing on what was going on around me, and inside me.

Tink had gone unnervingly silent since we’d entered the wood, and whenever she had spoken, it had been in a voice that had sounded strained, almost painful; like someone trying to force down memories. I knew all too well what that was like, so I hadn’t pushed her for answers or advice. She deserved a break from saving my ass.

And anyway, what was the worst a gaggle of prissy wood elves could do to us anyway?

Turns out the answer to that question was: lock us all up in a dungeon.

The second we passed through the massive gates to the (ironically) underground Hall of the Woodland realm, Thorin was ushered up towards the king’s hall for questioning, and we were marched down a series of coiling, winding stairs to a series of ledges lined with elaborate jail doors that overlooked an underground stream.

Rather pretty for a jail house.

“You would truly lock up one of your own?” Balin asked my tall, blond, Prince Charming with a raised eyebrow as I was pushed past him towards a separate cell at the end of the row. Legolas turned his cold stare to me and came perilously close to scowling.

“She is not one of my own,” he answered flatly in common speech, so they could all understand. I smiled angelically up at him, and made point of stepping on his foot as I passed.

“Whoops! So sorry, your highness,” I said sweetly. His scowl turned dark, and my smirk turned vulpine as I was shoved inside.

Petty? Maybe a little. But I’d be damned if I was going to let this arrogant, simpering ass of a prince get the last word in before he locked me in a cage like a damned hunting dog.

The cell door slammed behind me, and the sound of the retreating wood elves boots and chatter was met with catcalls and jeers from almost all my Dwarves friends.

I didn’t join them, fun as it might have been.

The second I was sure Mr. Blond & Broody was out of sight I let my shoulders slump, the exhaustion and adrenaline I’d been holding in for hours finally catching up with me. I stalked over to the oddly smooth prison wall and slid down onto my butt on the cool stone floor, sighing.

“Hells bells, Eleanor,” I muttered, just quiet enough so no one outside my cell could hear, especially over the sound of Fili, Bofur and Nori swearing up a storm in fluent Khuzdul. “What kind of mess have you landed yourself in now?”

Part 1 | Part 2 | Bonus

#mine #my writing #ravame's bane #ravame's bane trilogy #hobbit au #au #alternate universe #alternate timeline #eleanorxlegolas #eleanor dace #legolas #fili #kili #tauriel #orelion #ocs #mirkwood

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occupyvenus · 7 years

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Sorry, I didn't intend for my ask to be rude, I was just startled because I thought you were saying Sansa had no right to be hurt and therefore didn't really deserve any sympathy if she was, but I realise now that I jumped to conclusions. Sorry. I'm just dreading boatsex not because I'll be angry at Jon but because I just don't want to see Sansa hurt again, especially by a man she trusts so much (although I know it won't be intentional or "wrong" of Jon since they're not in a relationship). :(

Hi anon, sorry for taking so long! My inbox is full and I really don’t know where to start…..

Sorry if my answer was a bit rude or salty as well! I know, It’s so hard to judge someones tone and intentions without all the non-verbal communication that’s normally going on. I’m also guilty of that.

If boatsex happens (still crossing my fingers it doesn’t, though I made my peace with it and don’t even think that endgame!jonsa is threatened by it. Optimistic pessimism and all. Just read on.) I do think Sansa will be hurt by it and my heart goes out to her. But looking at the silver-lining, it will probably surprise her just how much it hurts her. I’m going to assume she already knows about r+l=j by this point, so her jealousy will open her eyes about her true feelings. A Green-Eyed-Epiphany.

I imagine that Jon will feel bad about it as well, once he meets Sansa again. Wondering why he feels so damn guilty. Why he can’t look her in the eye. After he finds out about his true identity everything will fall into place for him as well. It will be a blessing in disguise, of sorts. Two characters realizing that they love each other, after one of them sleeps with another person is like a really old romance trope, anyway. It wouldn’t surprise me if they set up the D as a romantic false lead to accomplish just that.

One thing to keep in mind is this: The jonsa-shipping community has whole-heartly embraced them as a potential couple. We are aware that cousin-relationships are acceptable in westeros, have dissected any underlying meanings and thrive on the whole siblings-to-lovers-angst. But the general audience needs to be slowly and thourougly prepared for that. The series is doing it’s best to foreshadow Jonsa, without being too obvious about it. They are keeping it sublte for a reason. They are constantly using romance tropes and putting them into what could be described an un-siblingly atmosphere to prime the audience for the big twist. They want to keep it ambigious. People have already noticed and once they are ready to come out, a lot of casual viewers will go “now that I think about it, that *insert any, really any jonsa scene* was a bit weird… should have seen this coming.” That’s what they are trying to achieve here. But they will not implement any romantic gestures where the audience could go like “Eww, but they think they are siblings. Gross”. They don’t want us to go LANNISTERS !!!! They want us to root for them, not being disgusted by an assumed brother sleeping with his assumed sister. (Side-note: Jon and Jaime have so many anti-parallels, if desiring your “sister” isn’t among them, I might just scream. That’s the difference between them, though. Jaime actually has an affair with his sister, Jon has the same “dishonourable” thoughts and impulses, but he will not act on these feelings until it’s okay to do so.)

Neither Jon, nor Sansa is going to acknowledge or admit to any romantic feelings, as long as they still believe they are siblings. Now that we have confirmation about them not being siblings, it’s time for a character to notice as well. They can be more open about it. A third party in the show will notice that ~something~ is off and start to drop some hints (looking at you Littlefinger bzw I really look foward to any Tyrion-Jon conversation about Sansa), simultaniously standing in for the audience and drawing it’s attention to the matter. They might not know yet, but we do. As does Creepyfinger. The show has done a wonderful job at setting up jonsa and any J0nerys-sexy-time could be just another piece in the puzzle. Making the audience aware of it, without hitting us right into our cute, little faces. I’m a little down that it takes so long too, but they are taking the narrative in the exact direction I would expect. (side-note: I absolutely love @hyojung12 idea that Jon is dropping the “sister-bomb”, so we can correct him in our minds. They want us to go: But, she really is his cousin, isn’t she? Such a great observation, love it.)

To ease your mind about boatsex a little bit: Jon sleeping with another woman (or Sansa sleeping with another man, but like please not LF, just no one at all. She deserves to only be properly loved for the rest of her life. No more love-less sexual encounters for her. Seriously.) before they know about r+l=j is actually a good way to keep the gross-factor down. (It’s his bad luck that she’ll turn out to be his aunt. The irony.) It implies that any inappropriate desires where kept far under the surface. It shows that they are unaware of it and that it doesn’t influence their remaining love- or sexlife. It may not be as romantic (I agree), but it also ensures the audience that they aren’t leading their lives accordign to any possible incestious impulses.

Last, but not least to come back to the original topic of this conversation: Jon and Sansa have a strong bond. They already build their relationship slowly, stone by stone. Ned and Catelyn started doing so after their marriage, Jon and Sansa have already finished that phase. Their relationship is already based on trust, respect and mutual admiration. The love will follow. As I stated in my original post, this will be another ned/cat - jon/sansa parallel. After all Ned and Cats marriage started off with a rough patch as well. They had to become comfortable in their new roles (from future brother/sister-figure to spouse). They had to deal with an alleged affair, even worse having the alleged “product” of it constantly in front of their faces. (sry, jonny.) They worked through it and became of the strongest, happiest romances in the series.

Jon and Sansa’s relationship will blossom into a love strong enough to get through this as well. In good times and in bad. Once they confess their love, nothing that came before will matter anymore. They can’t cling to the past, if they are busy building a future together. (I love cheesy, dramatic language, btw)

#ask #anon #jonsa #jon x sansa #got s7 #got spoilers #got speculation #game of thrones #anti-jonerys #kind of #say no to boatsex #the fuckplot is on #it's just subtle as hell #if you're wondering why I take so long to answer #that's why #they always get so fucking long #long post

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kitty-bandit · 7 years

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Why do you only ever write sex

Okay, Anon. You picked a really,REALLY bad day to send me this ask because I’m in an incredibly foul mood and Igot almost no sleep, so sit back and let me tell you a thing or two.

I don’t know if you realize it, butthis ask comes off as extremely rude. Maybe you didn’t mean it that way, butthat’s how I’m interpreting it. Next time, choose your words more carefully,because tone does NOT come off in text easily.

First off, I’m going to point outsomething that I would hope is obvious. You, nor anyone else, gets to questionmy reasoning for writing what I do. I’m literally hurting no one with my fics,and unless I didn’t get the memo, you don’t have to fucking read them. You havethe option of just scrolling past my fic links and fucking off with whatever itis you do, Anon. You even have the wonderful PRIVILEGE of blocking my tumblr,so you don’t even have to see my fics on your dash or in the tags. TA-DA!!!Problem solved!!!

Second off, not that it’s yours or anyoneelse’s business, but I LIKE WRITING SEX. For me (again, FOR ME PERSONALLY), sexand love are very intertwined. A few kinky sex fics aside, most of what I writeis for Laven, and those stories are extremely loving and caring. I have mirroreda lot of my own personal experiences into those stories, crafting them to fitthe characters, and having you come into my inbox and question my reasoning forwriting love the way I do is insulting.

Which brings me to my final point—I WRITESTORIES WITHOUT SEX.

You must be new here, because I’vewritten a shit-ton of fics over the years. And to say that I “only ever writesex” is completely misguided and false. I feel like you’re just fuckingtrolling me. If you bothered to look into my fiction, you’d realize that I havePLENTY of fics that don’t revolve around sex.

Here, since I’m such a fucking niceperson, LET ME LIST THEM OUT FOR YOU.

Homecoming – Just a short G-Ratedfic in which Allen is waiting for Lavi to return from a mission.

DGM Week 2015 – While marked asrated E, this is a 7 chapter “fic” (which really should’ve been a collection)with non-connected stories. The only chapter with sex in it is chapter 7. So,there’s 6 different stories that are SFW.

Obsession – A SFW fic where Laviadmires Allen’s hair.

Shattered – A SFW fic where Lavileaves Allen for his Bookman duties.

A Moment in Time – Again, moreLaven, SFW.

Introduction – Lavi and Allen meetat a wedding.

Study Date – Look, I snuck in someHQ!! Asanoya while you weren’t looking. Also SFW.

Slipped My Mind – And here we have aSFW Laven Sherlock!AU fic.

Who Ya’ Gonna Call? – Another SFWfic where Lavi thinks his house is haunted.

What Goes Bump in the Night – SFW fic where Lavi and Allen end up camping inthe woods.

I’ll Be Alright – Short and sweetJohnnyuu fic that, well lookie here, is SFW.

Discord – SFW fic where Lavi and Allenare parents.

Night on the Town – My love letterto Howard Link and his addiction to working too hard. Also, some Laven inthere.

Enemies – Look, I wrote Poker Pairand it’s SFW.

Under the Stars – SFW Yulma.

Sugary Sweet – SFW Pieshipping.

Double Teamed – SFW Lavi x Allen xTyki. Yeah, I do OT3, too.

Wounded – SFW Main OT4.

Troublemakers – SFW Laven HighSchool AU.

Idiot’s Guide to Getting a Boyfriend– SFW Laven fic that I LITERALLY POSTED THIS WEEK.

Music of the Heart – LITERALLY JUSTPOSTED THIS ONE TODAY THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Now, let’s ALSO get into my DRABBLECOLLECTIONS.

I’ve written a fucking load ofdrabbles for various pairings. I keep all the drabbles for various pairings intheir own separate collections. It’s easier for people to find that way. Now,while some of these are marked with the M or E rating, not all of the drabblesare NSFW. In fact, most are SFW. Let’s take a look at these, shall we?

Brighter than the Sun – Miranda/Marie.Totally SFW. 2 drabbles.

Suck My Kiss – Laviyuu. No sex, butsuggestive situations. 5 drabbles.

You’re Not the One, But You’re theOnly One – Yullen. Totally SFW. 3 drabbles.

Head Over Feet – Pieshipping.Totally SFW. 5 drabbles.

Something About Us – OT4Lavi/Allen/Lena/Kanda (various combinations of those 4). 5 NSFW drabbles, 7SFW.

A Woman’s Voice Can Drug You –Lavilena. 4 NSFW. 15 SFW.

Soul to Squeeze – Yulmalee. 1 NSFW.3 SFW.

I Just Want You to Love Me – Kalena.1 NSFW. 5 SFW.

You and I Will Meet Again – Yulma. 2NSFW. 4 SFW.

Fooled Around and Fell in Love –Lucky. 6 NSFW. 8 SFW.

You are the Only One – Laven (and mymasterpiece). 9 NSFW. 50 SFW!!! 50!!!

Follow You Down – Tyki x Allen xLavi OT3. 3 NSFW. 1 SFW.

Let’s Do Something Wrong – Poker Pair.4 NSFW. 7 SFW.

I hope you can see now that I do, in fact, write SFW fics that have nosex in them. Quite a fucking lot, in fact. So, Anon. That’s all I have to sayon the matter.

#personal #reply #anon #kitty bandit writes fanfiction

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decoding1432 · 7 years

Text

The Art Behind Manipulating & Guarding a Fandom (p. II)

Here it’s the second part guys, take time to analyse it...

NOTE: *Most of the posts I direct you to, are SHORT & in my opinion not too dense to read. In fact, the great majority are Q&As. I’ll identified every post with a letter, it means that throughout the various parts you’ll see them repeated, so no need to read one twice*

If you missed or want to re-read the first part here it is: The Art Behind Manipulating & Guarding a Fandom (p. I) – decoding1432.

Now, the astroturfers & how to identify them.

I would say that identifying some astroturfers with exactitude is very hard to do, I mean we are talking about professionals. Not even the directioners who have spent years dealing with them are able to fully assure when they are being invaded by some. Nevertheless they have learned to recognise them & some types are obvious.

*link A*

Basing it on an article by The Consumerist, astroturfers are primarily known for two things:

Vague or anonymous identities. The identities of the people, or group of people, are very minimal or completely anonymous. Their profiles would either be generic, unorganised or have few or no posts. If you’re tech savvy and use tools such as Statcounter, you might notice that they frequent certain pages that cater to certain topics and/or suspicious recurring IP addresses.

A specific discussion path is followed/repeatedly brought up. Since one of the main goals of astroturfing is to support one side and discredit another, most astroturfers usually follow a certain discussion path,

ie. Opening -> Segue -> Main Topic Being Pushed

I’ll be using their examples to show you. I’m sure Camren blogs will be like: “relatable”. A lot of shipping involved. Try to exchange “Larry” for “Camren” & “Ziam” for another ship– Laucy, Norminah, Tyren, whatever you want– I promise it won’t become tedious (I’ll keep it the OG way, to avoid confusions). Here I present you what could be the various types of astroturfers (a.k.a. sneaky little bitches):

Example 1: *link E*

“You astroturfing trotters with your generic anti messages are such a fail. If you really read this blog you would also know I don’t “ship”. Never have. I support two couples I believe have been harshly closeted. Why would that upset anyone? Even if you disagree, I’m all about the love baby. I’m all about consenting adults being able to love each other openly, happily and free from hate and discrimination. What kind of a monster takes issue with that? You can ponder that while you lick your wounds and trot to the next blog to spread your venom. You’re a real credit to humanity making excellent use of your time”

As I see it, our first specimen is the aggressive type. During my research, I found several bloggers talking about this kind of astroturfer. Apparently, it’s a very common one & usually driven by hostility but SOMETIMES WITHOUT BEING RUDE. Pay attention to the description below:

*link F*

“I follow a bunch of Ziam blogs, and I heard talk about aggressive Ziam astroturfing of two kinds: (1) asking for masterposts and analyses, and (2) asking very specific factual questions. I talked with that-regular-chick about it, and she described it like this:

“…today we chatted and realized we all got very specific asks from the same “dummy” tumblr account: REDACTED. This account hit at least four of us in the past day. Each time they asked for our analysis and masterposts. Friday, I was blitzed with anon asks about Ziam, Zerrie and Sophiam. Initially, I was answering. But as I progressed through my Inbox, I noticed a pattern: careful not to offend so they throw some false praise in, a few “xx” or sometimes “thank you”. Always very specific about what they want know. Several claimed they were new to the fandom. I got so many, I felt they were really being aggressive and definitely had an agenda.”

Personally I tend to receive these type of anons on a daily basis. I would consider it’s the hardest one to recognise since I understand there are fans out there who tend to be very gentle when asking & simply with the purpose to learn & no one wants to be disrespectful toward any anon when answering, right? Nonetheless this is an advantage they take to camouflage. Note also how that-regular-chick said, ironically enough, the aggressive astroturfer is careful not to offend. Nonetheless I’m also aware that at times there are pretty intense anons which break that pattern of softness & jump straight ahead into using a harsh approach like the one shown in the first pic. Just look at the way that-regular-chick clarified she’s a victim as well despite not being about shipping. I know most Camren blogs get the infamous “why do you assume someone else’s sexuality when it’s none of your business… SO ANNOYING OMG” anon. Well now you know it’s an anti message mainly seeking for you to stop. Since now it’s all about killing Camren no wonder why we’ve seen many of these lately.

Example 2: *link G*

“Both my suspected astroturfers have responded, and their messages are overlapping under the two different URLs in question. And neither likes to use capitalization, coincidentally enough. And if you can’t send asks under your sideblog, why not just change the settings? Also, why is your main blog hella inactive? And why do you think you need a blog to lurk on tumblr? So many questions…”

Our next kind, is the non-anon type. These shameless astroturfers couldn’t bother less in going unnoticed.

Not all of these are about not using capitalization, this ultimate aspect is a pattern the blogger found in that particular case. Here are a few elements you could lean on to identify them:

*link H* (THIS LINK IT’S NECESSARY TO BE OPENED .IT SPEAKS ABOUT FANDOMS MONITORING IN GENERAL. Apparently t’s explained by an insider the directioners had contact with but I’ll address this with more detail almost by the end. If you want to read it now, by all means go ahead.)

“The best way that I’ve seen to get a handle on tumblr is to set up what basically amount to burner accounts. You create a tumblr account with an unassuming username and do nothing to the actual account. You leave the layout at default, don’t change the icon, don’t make posts, and don’t reblog or favourite anything. But you use the account to follow the blogs that control the conversation in whatever fandom you’re trying to monitor.”

Funnily enough, I was followed by a burner account (or maybe more but I did spot one) in the past 24 hours, LOL:

Example 3: *link I*

“People also ask questions they could easily google, like what's Zayn’s Instagram? I mean, you can google that faster than I can answer you. LOL”

Our third type, is the lazy astroturfer. I believe this one is pretty self-explanatory. The description provided is more than sufficient. Characterised by a lethargic tone & vibe.

Another example I could add is: “What is Dinah’s full name?” It’s the first thing I came up with since it’s something you can type in the google searcher… Besides a fan knows DJ’s full name it by heart, right? Lol

You might be wondering, why would they send these type of generic questions, why do they obtain with a generic answer. Well they come with three different objectives, it depends: Either gathering information or steering the conversation or merely keeping an eye on the blog (as in fan engagement).

Example 4: *link J*

I would classify this astroturfer as the… the Inception type, maybe? Excuse me, I’m getting Inception teas here (fun fact: Inception is my favourite film lol). As I understand an idea is put on a target (blog) by this specialised team (astroturfers) just like in the movie. Here I leave you a scene of the film to illustrate it better, min 1:05- 1:32 :

youtube

Saito (Ken Watanabe): If you can steal an idea from someone’s mind why can’t you plant one there instead?

Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt): Here’s me planning an idea in your head, I say to you, don’t think about elephants, what do you think about?

Saito: Elephants

Arthur: Right but it’s not your idea, because you know I gave it to you. The subject’s mind can always trace the genesis of the idea. True inspiration is impossible to fake--

Cobb (Leo DiCaprio): *interrupting Arthur* It’s not true.

What we can appreciate in the scene is how DiCaprio contradicts Levitt’s statement of how the subject can’t remember the origin the thought seeded. As I understand this example of astroturfing works like this. The target will not be able to remember where the original question came from since it’s supposed to be passed to others. If I put into perspective this is the way I imagine the original OT4s & Cnizers were created. A constant brainwash pulled by the same negative comments, to an extent that they can’t tell who were the first accounts that influenced them. “The virus got to them & they’re spreading it”.

Example 5: *link K*

Blind astroturfing. How many times we’ve seen repeated questions on another blog? Or from one day to another? Or when we just answer the same thing a couple of asks ago?

Example 6: (if I were you I wouldn’t bother in opening this link since the rest is about their timeline & I didn’t understand what they were talking about but if anyone is curious enough *link L* )

“astroturfing anons will usually give us a heads up that something is coming down the pipe too (that happened with haige 2.0 - people got anons about her for weeks and then she popped up again in her weird mainly one sided stunt with harry). it happened again with babygate but none of us wanted to believe it.”

This is a very weird but not entirely foreign type. If I can call it the “physic” astroturfer. Raise your hand if you have received the “next month (x ) will do (x) thing… bla, bla, bla” sort of message in your inbox more than once? Yep. I see several hands raised in the back lol. It doesn’t mean all it’s necessarily fake, like we saw with the 1D blogger above. BUT it doesn’t mean it’s ALL true either. Watch out for that.

Example 7: *link M* (IMPORTANT TO READ)

“It’s becoming harder for fans to hold onto the illusion that the internet is a secret club and that the management team of a multi-million dollar boyband that built on its success on social media wouldn’t be interested in what fans say on social media.

So it’s awfully funny that there are now anons popping up heavily dropping implications that if we talk openly about what we see on the internet, that management will punish the boys and it’ll all be ~our fault~ and so we need to shut up if we truly love the boys....

Guilt trips–everything is your fault and your responsibility, including the actions of the management and record companies with clear motive and power for their actions–are just another form of attempts at control and manipulation. 'Don’t you care about the boys? You don’t want to hurt them, so if you care about them you will protect them and shut up and say nothing’. That is emotional blackmail. Bullshit.”

When I read this the first time, I was not surprised that they would reach this level. In all seriousness, I had already thought about this. What if one day an anon pops into my inbox & claims the girls will get in trouble due to my “big mouth”? Let me tell you something *starts getting heated* if that happens in the nearest future, I’m going to send them right straight to hell. THAT IS UTTER BULLSHIT. I’m not allowing anyone to use my girls in order to bribe the fuck out of me & my blog. If anything it just proves the amount of manipulation they are willing to carry on in order to save & cover up their asses because they’re threatened. & I don’t want to have to say this ever again… Listen carefully, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO THE GIRLS BECAUSE OF US. So if anyone receives or has already gotten this type of anon, IGNORE THEM, BLOCK & MOVE ON.

Just look at the date that post was written: 2014… 3 years later & the directioners are still there. Hell, stronger than ever. We are NOT GOING TO TOLERATE THAT EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL ON OUR TERRITORY. Their biggest weakness is seeing us fighting harder against them, let’s not give them the power & satisfaction of witnessing us falling one by one like dominoes.

Example 8: *link N*

This one seems slightly tricky to me. I don’t know if can be considered a “normal” example or standard in this list since it’s reversed-astroturfing but I’m taking the time to mention it, it’s important.

“...astroturfers infiltrate with the ultimate end goal of dumping stuff on us, and monitoring how we’d respond to it, whereas (real) shady anons infiltrate with the intention to /warn/ us of stuff they know we’d respond negatively to…

the fake ones are always so ominous, and “be ready” or whatever but the real ones are just straight to the point and cautious-sounding and it’s crazy because many things we’ve been warned about are literally things we probably shouldn’t even /know/, much less prepare for...”

I’m still trying to process this last one tbh. I interpret it as the astroturfers (the fake ones) test our reactions but we can tell it’s them because we get this feeling that something is wrong. On the other hand, the real shady anons are to direct with the way they approach, it’s like if they were slapping us in the face but without harming us because they know how are we going to respond. Is it clear? Cause I have to admit, I even confused myself…

Example 9: *link O* (& last example lol)

I’m not sure if we could classify the following as part of astroturfing exactly. I would consider so because it’s so similar & incredibly interesting the way these work that I had to include it:

“Plant blogs”. What is a plant blog? This is the name directioners have christened with those blogs that are sent by the team in order to plant seeds (info) with the purpose of spreading it & ultimately achieving their goal which could be to distract, separate or influence the fandom.

“it means that we believe her blog was ‘planted’ by someone behind the scenes working for/with the boys rather than being an organic blog run by a real fan.”

Not all plant blogs are poisonous since not all the people behind them have bad intentions. I know it’s hard to believe this latter but from what I was seeing the 1D fam had once a blog on their side educating them & never disrespecting or influencing them to hate on any of their boys:

*link P*

“yes a ‘plant’ blog in the way that we’re using the term would be someone who joins the fandom with a deliberate agenda.

in our case, the agenda was beneficial to us as we learned a lot (especially about image manipulation in the press and how to limit the effect of astroturfers on us/the fandom conversation).

there are also hypothetically negative plants whose main role and goal would be to gaslight the fandom from within and make us doubt ourselves/our own observations.”

So...

This were some examples that I consider we have already encountered in the past. I believe the list can continue to go on & on but we’re beginning to study this new concept. I guess with time the experience will shape the “astroturfy” messages adequately enough so we can recognise them with more ease.

Don’t worry, on Part 4 I will give you recommendations I found on how to deal with them...

DON’T BE NAIVE KIDS.

#astroturfing #this is how they monitor us #part three will be about their methodology #sneaky little bitches #stay woke #5h blogs #camren blogs #camila blogs #read & spread

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