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apple25n · 2 years

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Millennial Ennui Book Recommendations

Every time I have attempted to spell 'millennial', I have to let autocorrect fix it somehow. I am decidedly Gen-Z, born in 2002, but am suffering from an affliction named after my brothers' generation so I'll be turning on autocorrect to survey my post.

I had high hopes for this blog, then started my job a week later; where my aspirations fell flat on the floor and turned into a puddle to be splashed in. The total mind and time-consuming nature of my internship has left no time for any form of artistic expression. The plight of every young person entering the work force. My symptoms include a general sense of emptiness, lack of creativity, and constant tiredness. The diagnosis? Millennial ennui.

I haven't found a good, or any real definition of millennial ennui yet (Buzzfeed's attempt certainly doesn't count). I would describe it as the disillusionment of starting an office job and realising this is your entire life now.

So instead of trying to run away from this feeling, I am going to plop myself down in my office chair and stare at this glowing screen for my contracted 9-5 hours. And get some recommendations out because my brain cannot form any original thoughts.

Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney

Written in 1984, it's quite eery how spot on this book was in describing my newfound emptiness. We follow the main character as he drifts through the New York party scene while dealing with the loss of his relationship to his wife. The writing was surprisingly funny and self-deprecating. If you've ever looked forward to clubbing on Friday night after a long week at work, this book is for you.

Fan Club by Erin Mayer

The main character escapes her boring lifestyle website editing job by slowly becoming obsessed with internationally renown pop star Adriana Argento. From there, she falls in with a group of equally obsessed women. I've become the opposite, with all hours filled up with work I have not had the time to even contemplate starting a new interest. But listening to music on the bus ride to and from work has become one of the highlights of my weekdays. The ability to control my mood by swipping a song into my Spotify queue.

My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Otessa Moshfegh

THE book. Another unnamed narrator. She has decided to spend the next year of her life cooped up in her apartment sleeping with the help of pills. Her want to simply stop existing and decompose into the earth to be returned to the worms is what got to me. I have numbed myself to most emotions as I work long hours. My strongest emotion has now become anger, and I actively choose to spend time eating with colleagues I don't like in order to stoke a flame inside me.

Lock Every Door by Riley Sager

Not the most 'relatable' out of the list, but it is the latest one I read earlier this week and what prompted me to make this list. A thriller, Jules has been hired to apartment sit in a luxury condominium. When another apartment sitter goes missing, she starts to uncover the strange history of the famous building. Jules was recently fired from her job, and living in a condo filled with the rich has made her distasteful towards capitalism.

The Lonely City by Olivia Laing

A non-fiction collection of essays on different lonely artists that lived in New York which Laing admires. I moved back to my hometown for my current job and was hit with the realisation that no one else decides to come back. I have been drifting from home to work without talking to anyone other than my colleagues and parents. This book reminds me that even in sadness and loneliness, you can create.

Halfway through this list, I realised that every single one of these books is set in New York City. What is it about that heat bubble that prompts authors to write such lamenting books about? I've never lived there, but my boyfriend did over the summer and I visited him twice. I hid myself away in his white box of a rented room in Brooklyn and only ventured out to Manhattan once. Walking the streets felt like I was in the middle of a tornado, and that a cow might fly by me at any second.

#literature #english literature #book rec list #books #recommendations #bookrecs #reading #newyork #millennialennui #millennial #officejob #thelonelycity #lockeverydoor #my year of rest and relaxation #brightlightsbigcity #fanclub

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ash-and-starlight · 2 years

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would love to know some of your zukka fic recs if you feel like sharing!

LMAOO THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN

ok obligatory intro, this is not a comprehensive list of works because it would honestly truly get too long (and also bc I forgot some, rip) but if someone feels like adding their own recs it's more than welcome!! second I'm trying to keep it to just one fic per author but PLEASE extend the rec to every one of these authors' works bc I promise it's worth it.

without further ado besties let's get into it (under the cut bc despite my best intentions it got embarrassingly long)

- A predictable story by mindbending 7k words, rated G "That lying, scummy Aunt Wu predicts a grand romance for Sokka. To disprove her "fortunetelling" once and for all, Sokka decides to spend the night with least romantic person he knows. Zuko."

- Another word for wanting by eurydicees 23k words, rated T listen usually I'm not one for soulmate aus but this one. THIS ONE. beautifully written and deeply, emotionally devastating.

- A loose bolt by hydrochaeris 50k words, rated T The first installment of a truly amazing series. A very deep and well written portrayal of sokka and zuko struggling with family and university, while trying to avoid each other.

- The Stingray by smediterranea 24k words, rated M (I tried to keep it sfw but I simply couldn't leave this one out, perdoname madre por mi vida loca) Zuko gets injured by a stingray while on the beach, thank god the hot lifeguard is there to help him. Idiots to lovers ensues.

- and I'll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by nebulastucky 60k words, rated M eight chapters (so far) of PURE YEARNING. EVIL. SICK AND TWISTED. Zukka fwb to "oh no I'm in love with the guy" modern au, featuring the true shining star of this story Momo the cat.

- Carmine by backatpatrickpark 6k words, rated G Artist Sokka rights!! A post canon fic that explores art as a metaphor of growth, and the color red.

- from you, the flowers grow by wearealltalesintheend 6k words, rated T tattoo parlor/flower shop au. I haven't read this one in a while but I remember it was so sweet and heartfelt, it has a v special place in my heart.

- I could (never) give you peace by zukkababey 10k words, rated M u know those fics when the characters are together but are STILL pining terribly for each other? this fic has it all. the love, the yearning, the miscommunication, the angst with a happy ending. 200/10

- kiss me just to shut me up by dickpuncher420 40k words, rated T Sokka is a sk8r boy, Zuko is a tattoo artist, can I make it any more obvious?I love this fic SO MUCH the vibes are immaculate, invented summer and falling in love.

- afternoon tea by toribird 47k words, rated T "Early on during his time in Ba Sing Se, Sokka stops for a cup of tea. This small action changes everything."

- It's the mallrat in me by leopardfringe 31k words, rated T if I ever stop losing my mf mind about this story just assume I'm dead. Sokka and Zuko and their developing relationship as it goes through the five stages of grief, and also they're working at the mall.

- Ignition Point by Yuu_chi 18k words, rated M I'm also not one for bender!sokka works but this one here is the bright blazing amazing exception. After the war Sokka finds out he's a firebender, and goes to the fire nation to ask Zuko for help.

- Landscapes by jinnora 4k words, rated T "Firelord Zuko has been teaching his Southern Water Tribe Ambassador, Sokka, landscape painting. Featuring counterchange, jokes about knives, and Zuko being desperately attracted to Sokka."

- like the sun inside of you by ofherlionheart 126k words, rated M a HUGE fic and it has become one of my all time faves. Come for the (eventual) zukka stay for the incredible plot, world building and original characters, I would kill and die for all of them.

- light, manufactured by HisMomoness 55k words, rated T This story is most of all an amazing character study of Zuko dealing with complicated emotion during his stay in a research station in Antartica. It's about the mortifying ordeal of letting yourself be known, healing, and penguins.

- recreate a place that's our own world by Muncaster 42k words, rated T Zukka storm chasers AU. it's soo beautifully written, Sokka and Zuko and a van, falling in love and running into storms <333

- real enough to get me through by marriedzukka 193k words, rated M "After Iroh passes, Zuko reaches his breaking point. As he navigates the path through grief, he meets a kindred soul, and begins to heal in more ways than one."

- settle for by amatchforyourmadness 23k words, rated T this fic devastated me, scooped out my heart and left it to melt on the floor. features poet!zuko and an incredible amount of tears (the tears are mine)

- sirens & sleepless nights by satirrian 54k words, rated T dystopian modern au. I love this story beyond reason it's simply insane. the plot is insane. the worldbuilding is insane. the fact that it invented romance with a dish washing scene is insane. Once again begging you all to read it

- the art of charting the stars by ermysthewarlock 16k words, rated T "A post-canon fic where Ambassador Sokka and Fire Lord Zuko write each other letters and watch the stars."

- the theory of liminality by Aiyah 19k words, rated M oh boy this one HURTS so good, Sokka gets lost in space, and tries to make his way back to earth and to the man he loves. I cried.

- What You See You Might Not Get by lenaballena 22k words, rated T speaking of space zukka I could NOT leave out this absolutely iconic masterpiece. "A Starfleet Au; five things Zuko learned about Sokka, and one thing Sokka already knew about Zuko."

- the road between action and inaction by Donvex 17k words, rated T "The hitchhiker au, featuring Sokka and Zuko falling in love without even realizing it."

- through the ice darkly by chuffystilton this one is a series, kind of a "role reversal" au. Aside from the writing being insanely good the plot and world building are so intriguing I'm completely obsessed.

- what did you bury before those hands pulled you from the earth by Draco_Sollicitus 18k words, rated M listen I'm cheesy you can pry a good Hades/Persephone au (with a twist) from my cold dead hands. V emotional and bittersweet.

- do you take this jerk to be (your one and only) by jatersade 55k words, rated T Ok I feel like everyone knows this Absolute Classic but I couldn't leave it out simply bc it's the first zukka fic I read and it's 90% of the reason my current brainrot is so severe.

#WHEW THIS IS LIKE. A LOT #A LOT A LOT #and I'm sure as soon as I post I'll be like fUCK I FORGOT -THIS- ONE #(also I couldn't stop adding bc I realized that this post could be very useful for me if I ever feel like re-reading kjfgkd)#also I know that some of these authors have tumblr accs but I didn't have the energy to find them all orz #fic rec #ask

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angellesword · 3 years

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YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (11)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, ANGST, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

SERIES: CHAPTER 10 | CHAPTER 12

"You don't have to pay me, Guk."

Jeongguk shook his head instantly. Yoongi was being absurd. How could he not pay his older friend?

"I know you have the money, but I can't just take ten thousand dollars from you, hyung." The younger boy pouted his lips.

Yoongi should know by now that Jeongguk hated owing people something.

Debt of gratitude sucked. It couldn't be paid. Ever. Jeongguk didn't want that. He hated sleeping at night thinking that someone out there could manipulate his feelings—this was how he perceived debt of gratitude: a manipulation. It was because he felt like he was bound please the person who helped him. It was as though he needed to act in accordance to the likes of said person.

"Fine." Yoongi shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't care about any of this. "Pay me whenever you want,"

Jeongguk snorted as your voice echoed inside his head. If you were here, you would tell Yoongi that he couldn't just tell his debtor to pay him whenever he wanted. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

Civil obligations like this one was only enforceable for ten years. If Jeongguk couldn't pay within the said period, the obligation would then become a natural one—something that would only be paid out of conscience.

Jeongguk shook his head. Why was he thinking about the stupid law? Why couldn't he stop imagining your pretty smile as you talked about certain provisions? Why was he hesitating to accept his hyung's money?

And most importantly, why didn't he want to leave you now?

Your soulmate loaned thousands of dollars from Yoongi just so he could pay the down payment for the apartment that he wanted buy. He promised himself that he would terminate the lease of contract with you after four months. He just couldn't live with you anymore.

You were supposed to be temporary in his life; however, with the way you were invading his mind even though you weren't around, Jeongguk realized that you were his constant.

You were the only person who could tolerate his bratty attitude. You were the only person who couldn't get mad at him. You were the only person who made him feel special and needy—Jeon Jeongguk needed your attention so much that he felt like had to run.

He didn't know when it started, especially because he believed he was not over Red yet.

Red.

Was Red the reason why Jeongguk wanted to leave you?

This was what you thought while clutching the paper on your chest.

It hurt, but as usual you had to pretend like you were okay.

"Your parents are back in their hotel," said by Jeongguk the moment he entered your apartment.

He was back from the thirty-minute drive.

Your parents were scheduled to fly to Jeju Island tomorrow morning.

"That's good." You discreetly wiped your tears away, trying so hard to make your tone sound enthusiastic.

Your back was facing him since you were afraid to let him see you crying.

You didn't want to pester Jeongguk regarding his plan to leave. You felt like he wouldn't appreciate the drama you would obviously bring.

Jeongguk didn't deserve drama—not when it was clear that he was exhausted. He took care of you these past weeks. The only thing you could do was to give him a damn break even if it meant sleepless night as questions like 'why am I not enough?' clouded your mind.

"Thanks, Jeongguk. Goodnight!" You hastily added, refusing to look at him as you made your way to your room.

"Wait," he stopped you like the way he did earlier today. This time, however, he stopped you by breaking your heart even more.

"C-Can I sleep in your room tonight?" Jeongguk swallowed the lump in his throat; his heart was beating so fast.

You flinched.

How dare he ask something so insensitive?

"Why?" Your lips trembled as you finally found the courage to look at him. It was a wrong move, though. You couldn't do it. You couldn't look at him without tears filling your eyes.

Looking at Jeon Jeongguk made you realize what you could never have: him.

You were grateful he's averting your gaze. Jeongguk couldn't meet your eyes as well. He was embarrassed and afraid. What if you rejected him? He didn't have any reason to cuddle with you tonight. Jimin was right. Your parents were the solution to help you get back on your feet. It was as though they had some kind of power. You didn't look like you needed your soulmate to make you feel better anymore.

You were back to your old self.

Sadly Jeongguk had no idea that you were just pretending. He didn't know that you were forced to be okay once again. He wasn't even aware that he was one of the reasons why you're acting like everything was fine.

"I just want to make sure you're alright," his voice was barely audible.

Jeon Jeongguk was a liar. The truth was you weren't the only one getting used to cuddling with each other. Jeongguk was also craving to embrace you—to listen to your controlled breathing and raging heartbeat.

"Really?" You suddenly huffed, causing Jeongguk to flick his gaze at you.

Your soulmate was a good liar, you were not.

There's a point where pain was too much to handle.

Jeongguk was staring at you with puzzled expression. His mouth went agape upon seeing the tears streaming down your face.

"You want to make sure I'm okay so you can finally leave?"

"What?" He furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding the words you just said. How could he focus on anything when all he could see was your tears?

Jeongguk wanted to wipe your stupid tears, but you weren't letting him.

You took three steps backwards when he tried to reach for your face.

Anger, frustration, and pain. All of these are visible in your eyes. Your thoughts were poisoning your mind—making you imagine what you thought Jeongguk felt.

"You...called my parents b'cause you're t-tired of me, right?" You slurred.

You wanted to run to your room since you knew you couldn't stop speaking your thoughts anymore. This wasn't right. You told yourself you weren't going to make this hard for your soulmate, so why couldn't he do the same thing for you?

Why was he cornering you? Why couldn't he just go away?

And why couldn't you stop the venom in your words?

"You don't want to deal with me anymore. You want to leave but you're guilty. You feel like you are responsible for my pain," this must be it. You kept thinking what triggered his sudden change of behavior. It couldn't be because he finally realized that he liked you too.

No. That couldn't be right. The only plausible explanation for this was because of the guilt he felt. He only started to act like he cared when you told him that he hurt you too.

"That's not true..." But Jeongguk was quick to dismiss the negative thoughts inside your head.

You inhaled deeply. Fresh tears stained your cheeks.

"What's the truth, then?" You picked up the paper that would prove his intention to leave.

It was too late to stop now. You were already acting pathetic in front of him.

"Why didn't you tell me you bought an apartment?" You continued to ask despite knowing the reason.

You didn't. You were imagining things. What you think was different from what Jeongguk felt. Admittedly, his eyes widened. He wasn't expecting you to confront him about this. Hell. You weren't even supposed to find out this way.

Jeongguk was planning to simply sign the contract to terminate your lease agreement with him, leave your apartment in the middle of the night and never come back.

Guess he couldn't do it now, huh?

"I-I," he trailed off instantly. How could he explain this to you when he himself didn't know why he wanted to leave?

Jeongguk wished it was easy to face his emotions. He identified them, but he still didn't know what to do—not even after spending weeks cuddling with you.

He needed to be alone, he needed to figure out what he felt and what this all meant to him on his own.

"Is it me, Gukkie?" You sobbed and your soulmate's heart clenched.

Your back was against the wall, Jeongguk was standing so close to you to the point that he could literally see the tears forming in your eyes.

It broke him more.

"Did I cross the line? Am I being too pushy? Annoying? Hard do deal with?"

Jeongguk could only bite his bottom lip.

You proceeded to list the things your former maids despised about you.

"Is Miri too much too handle? Am I picky with the food? Is it hard to wake me up in the morning?"

Jeongguk avoided your eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

You noticed that he couldn't speak. Why? Was it difficult to admit the truth?

"Or am I not buying you enough things?"

The conflicted boy shook his head vigorously. You did not understand anything.

"Do you need a new laptop? New clothes? Art materials?" You sounded so desperate. "Tell me, Gukkie. I'll do anything you want."

"I don't need you to do anything." He said coldly as he moved away from you.

Pain attacked your chest when you saw indifference dancing in his face.

"You're still leaving me?" You quivered in fear. You were really pathetic. You said to yourself that you wanted him to go away, but the thought of him actually leaving made your stomach turn upside down.

"Yes."

It felt like an arrow shot you in the heart.

How could he not stutter? Was he really decided to leave you?

Jeongguk saw how his answer affected you, so he immediately defended himself.

"I mean it's about right. I told you I'm gonna stay here for a few months. It's over now. I don't want to be your tenant anymore."

"But why!" You whined. This wasn't fair! How could he decide without consulting you first? This was a reciprocal obligation. You deserved to know his reasons.

Jeongguk scowled. He wanted to leave now. It was getting unbearable to see you cry—it was as though his chest was going to explode.

"Do I really need a reason?" His frown deepened. "Can't I just leave because I don't want to be with you anymore?" A lie.

"You're lying." You refused to believe him even if you knew he was telling the truth. This wasn't you. You weren't like this. It was unlike of you to keep pushing Jeongguk. You teased him all the time, but you didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. His happiness was your top priority.

You swore you just wanted to know the truth. You deserved a reasonable explanation. He couldn't just say he didn't want to be with you. If he couldn't love you, then he should at least be able to respect you like a normal person.

"Why would I lie—"

"Because I'm your soulmate!" You cut him off. Your emotions were overflowing.

Why couldn't you just let him go?

"And I love you, Jeongguk." You cried. The table had turned. Just a few breaths ago, he was the one begging to touch you. Right now, however, it was you who was desperately trying to latch on him.

Jeongguk pushed your hand away. He couldn't have you touching him. It would only make it harder for him to leave.

"I love you so please don't leave me—"

"You don't." He cut you off, flinching so hard because of how much he hated your confession. He felt like he was gonna puke.

"I do, Guk. I love you—"

"No!" Jeongguk insisted otherwise. He was being stubborn and it was irritating you.

Who did he think he was to tell you what you felt?

"You don't love me, okay!? You are wrong in all of this!" He took a step back. He was acting as if your touch was going to burn him.

"You are delusional. Too caught up with the idea of soulmate that you failed to see the truth!"

Jeongguk was shaking in frustration. He hated that he had to be mean just to make you understand things—similar to what Red did.

"I can see the truth! I know the truth!" You carried on.

He was the one being blinded here, not you.

"You're just ignoring the signs, Jeongguk. The universe wants us to be together!"

This wasn't a coincidence. You couldn't be wrong—not when he could see colors because of the love you felt for him.

But he used this against you.

"I am not your soulmate." His jaw clenched. "Your eyes can tell."

You stopped breathing.

"Your eyes tell." He repeated.

Your mouth felt dry.

It felt like you had been stabbed straight in the heart.

If he was your soulmate, if he ever loved you—or cared, you would see colors by now.

But no.

You still see in black and white.

Your eyes would not lie because Jeon Jeongguk was right....

Your Eyes Tell.

#jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #ficswithluv #jungkook enemies to lovers #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #bts fic #jungkook roommate au #jungkook fantasy au #jungkook e2l #jungkook friends to lovers #jungkook soulmate #jungkook soulmate au #your eyes tell #jungkook your eyes tell #jungkook sugar baby au #jeon jungkook

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randomobsessionsofa30something · 3 years

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My top 15 kpop songs of 2020

It's the last week of the year and that means I'll be counting down my favorite things in kpop and kdramas. There were so many good songs this year to the point I found hard to make a top 10 so I made a top 15 this year and it's never my intention but once again there's a lot of YG and SM in my list.

15.5. TREASURE- I LOVE YOU. 2020 marked the big debut of YG's new boygroup. Their first song Boy was ok but I love you was definitely my favorite of their songs so far. Just a fun dance song with the great rapping and vocals of the TREASURE members.

15. LEE SUHYUN-ALIEN. AKMU's Suhyun has such a beautiful voice that she can really sing anything but this song is just so much fun. The lyrics actually talks about an alien that comes to Earth.

14. Zico-Any song. This song was released in January so I almost forgot to add it to my list but it was yet another Zico hit on the korean charts. The song talks about just putting any song and dance to it so you can leave your boredom behind.

13. Aespa-Black mamba. SM surprised everyone by announcing a brand new four member girl group this year and they really came with a bang. This song has such a strong beat and amazing vocals (as expected of SM). The aesthetic of the MV is really something. The lyrics talk, in SM fashion, of the fantastical world they created for Aespa.

12. KAI-Mmmh. Kai made his much awaited debut with this r&b song and it's just so catchy. The MV is amazing. The special effects, the fashion, the choreo and of course Kai being Kai made this one of my favorite MVs of the year.

11. MINO-Runaway. I'm actually still a bit surprised this song didn't make the top spots of the korean charts because it is so damn good. Song Minho expressed so much in only 2:25 minutes. The beat is so interesting on this one but it's the lyrics and just his delivery that was a show itself.

10. BTS-Dynamite. The first few songs BTS released this year were just not my cup of tea but Dynamite was so good. Made me realize maybe their more pop-ish songs are the ones I enjoyed the most. This funky song about having fun just had me from the first listen and I especially loved Jimin's parts.

9. Taemin-IDEA. For me, 2020 was Taemin's year. He released two FULL albums with crazy good songs. IDEA was the title of his second album. Leaving out the kickass choreo, the song is just so strong. The beat is really something and BOA was featured in the chorus. The lyrics talk about someone being a Messiah, a dream, an idea that hurts you.

8. Red velvet Irene &Seulgi-Monster. Red Velvet had a rough 2020. They had to halt their activities because of Wendy's accident and then Irene had an scandal. However in the middle of it all Irene and Seulgi released a really fun song called Monster as a new subunit. The choreo, the artistic shots of the MV and the great beat made this a major debut.

7. BAEKHYUN- Candy. This is just the perfect R&B song. So catchy and filled with Baekhyun's beautiful vocals.

6. Chen-Hello. According to Spotify this was my most listened song of the year. Even if other songs got me more excited than this one I just keep coming back to this beautiful ballad by EXO's Chen. The song is about being unable to share your feelings with someone you love.

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5. EXO SC ft. Gaeko- Fly Away. Chanyeol and Sehun made the lyrics of their first full album really personal and this song Fly Away is just such a joy to listen to even if the lyrics are bittersweet. They talk about trying to realize your dreams and being too old to blame your shortcomings on your age. Of course, Gaeko's vocals, who also was the main producer of the album, just take this song to a another level. As a Chanyeol biased his rapping on this one is just so good to listen to.

4. Super M- Tiger Inside. This song is everything I wanted from SuperM since their debut. Something different. Something fun. Lyrics that actually make sense. Amazing vocals and choreo. Mark and Taeyeong killing their verses. The song is about facing your fears head on.

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3. Blackpink-How you like that. This song it's just such an anthem for people that are picking themselves up after a break up. Also I'm so obsessed with the second verse sang by Rosé.

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2. WINNER-Remember. Song Minho wrote this beautiful ballad that marked the last WINNER comeback we'll have in a long while as two members enlisted. I've always liked WINNER's ballads but this one is so emotional to listen to every time. The lyrics goes like this "There’s no such thing as a “good” break-up. So I have to be a bad guy...Please don't forget me. Remember me".

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1. Taemin-Criminal. From the first second of this song it just felt different. As I said before I've always liked Taemin as a solo artist. I think he just knows what suits him best in terms of music, singing and choreo. Of course performance wise the MV is mind blowing and the 80's retro sound paired with some modern beats make this song an interesting one. However it's Taemin's haunting vocals that really did it for me. I just keep listening to this song over and over and watching the MV. I definitely obsessed about Criminal's performances but also the dark lyrics. They talk about a dysfunctional relationship. Taemin has said it's about Stockholm Syndrom.

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yumiko111316 · 4 years

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How about some good 'ol DustBerry? Or would it be BerryDust since poor Dust has to be the sub and Blue is all yandere over him? Anyways, credits to the artist! If you own one of these pictures, and you want me to take them down, i'll do it.

Let's make one thing clear. I don't give two fucks if in your option Dust is supposed to be the dominated type. In my option, Dust CAN be submissive. So don't throw that hate on me just because you don't like the idea of Dust being submissive! I'll write what i want to write!

Ya'all can request if ya want! By that i mean that you can request any ship you want, and even x readers! Might take a while to make them, since i have a story to write in Wattpad, but i'll try my best!

SFW

Pairing: DustBerry/BerryDust

Dust=submissive Blue=Dominated

Warning: Has killing in it. Slightly gore you could say. Well, what do you expect from the Yandere Blue?

Lemon: Nope. Not gonna sin....yet.

Now without boring you out more, let the story begin!

Lots of love -Yumiko

We all probably know the feeling when you fall in love. It's an amazing and beautiful feeling, that we all deserve to have. But sometimes it doesn't end like we want. There's always a possibility to end up in heartbreak. Reject. That's what hurts us really badly. We want the person we love, to love us in return. But what if the person we love, doesn't love us back? Some might take it easily, and recover in couple of days. But some of us just can't leave it all behind. How could we? Love is so unique feeling! But some of us....may be posessive over that love. Even when the person that we love, doesn't return the feelings, we WILL make them love us.

Dust is one of the bad guys. He works for Nightmare with the five others. Lust, Killer, Horror, Error and Cross. They are like a family. They know about each other's dark past, and comfort each other when it's needed. Thought they have one thing really in common. Fear of love. No, we are not talking about L.O.V.E. Just love. To some it's bigger than the others. Like Dust. He doesn't think he's capable to loving. And he's afaird he would hurt the person he loves, like he did to HIS Papyrus. Who would love him anyways? He's just a merciless killer. Even the ghost of Papyrus thinks about Dust as such. And that makes Dust sad. He wants someone to cuddle, someone to love, someone to talk to. But he can't. No one would truly return those feelings. Dust has learned it a long time ago. Once a killer, always a killer. He had a lover once, but Dust was just used as a tool to get information of Nightmare. Dust truly had feelings for this lover of his, but his now ex lover didn't return them. Worst pain then rejection? The feeling when you realize you were used as a tool. Like you are some kind of an toy that could be played with, and then throwed away when the person using you got bored. Firts Dust felt anger. Oh did he so badly just wanna KILL his ex lover. But then he realized.....what if the wrong wasen't in his ex lover, what if it WAS in him? Maybe Dust didn't show enough affection? Or maybe Dust wasen't gentle enough? Maybe Dust should have acted differently? Or maybe wear different clothes? Dust didn't care if he had to fucking change himself fully, just why wouldn't CLASSIC love him?! Was Dust really nothing else than a tool to Classic? A merciless killer that didn't deserve love? Well it doesn't matter anymore. It has been fully 4 months now, and Dust haven't left his room in the Nightmare's castle. He doesn't even leave to get some food. The gang was super worried, not even KNOWING why Dust acts like this. They didn't even know Dust and Classic WERE dating for starters! One day Dust just opened the door to his room, crying, and never got out of his room again. How does he eat? You may ask. The gang brings him food, even thought they usually find the food just half eated, or even untouched. The gang has tried their everything to get Dust out, but he just....won't.

The gang had to go on a mission. Their first mission ever since Dust locked himself in his room. And damn was the gang PISSED. They KNOW it has someting to do with the star council! It HAS to have!

"Hey Dust. We are leaving for a mission....please come out already Dust! Please even SPEAK! We are worried about you...." Cross said, putting his hand in Dust's door.

".......what kind of an mission?" Dust asked behind the door, to Cross's suprise. What shocked Cross even more was Dust's voice. It was so....dull and lifeless. It was cracking a bit, like Dust wouldn't have speaked in couple of months! Witch can be true.

"We are going to destroy Underswap and fight against the star council." Cross replied, small smile tugging in his face, knowing that Dust is still ALIVE.

"Will Classic be there?" Dust asked, making Cross a bit confiused. Why would Dust care about Classic? Cross still replied, being overjoyed about hearing Dust's voice.

"I don't know Dust. Probably yes."

"I'll be coming with you guys." Dust's sentace shocked Cross. Really.

"Dust. I don't think that's a good idea.." Cross trailed off, looking at his right side.

"That, or i could just stay here." Dust said, wi ping off his tears inside his room. Might as well go and show Classic that the heartbreak hasen't changed Dust a bit! Well....okay, maybe it has changed Dust a BIT. He was shorter, a lot skinnier looking like, so a lot lighter. He looked like he has cried, witch he has done multiple times. And he looks like he haven't slept forever. So the same 'ol Dust!

"You can come!" Cross rushingly said. Everything so that Dust would come out. Cross would do ANYTHING.

"Promise i get to go in the mission?" Dust asked, unsure if he should trust that Cross isn't gonna lie and just ban Dust from his own room.

"I....I promise." Cross promised, sighing.

"Alright." Dust answered, before walking to the door and unlocking it. What Cross saw in front of him was.......he couldn't find words to describe it. Dust used to be taller than Cross, now he's SMALLER. (Logic). Dust looked so tired and....broken. Cross immeadly hugged Dust, making them fall in Dust's room floor, as Dust was a lot lighter then he used to.

"OH MY GODNESS DUST!!" Cross yelled, standing up and pulling Dust along with him, shaking him from his shoulders.

"Cross. The mission." Dust reminded.

"Ofcourse. Like i promised..." Cross face saddened at the reminder, but was still happy seeing Dust. Even thought Dust looked a lot different, expect for the clothes. Cross and Dust walked trough the hallway, towards Nightmare's throne room. Cross opened the door, getting everyone's attention. And when they spotted Dust.....well they kinda all run over him and tackeld him in a hug. Even Nightmare.

"Dust we missed you!!!" Killer and Horror yelled at the same time. Soon they all stopped hugging Dust, pulling him off the ground.

"Dust are you.....shorter?" Horror asked, even when it was obvious.

"Psh no. You are just taller. Ofcourse i'm shorter idiot!" Dust slapped Horror in the back of his skull. Everyone (expect Cross) was shocked about Dust's voice. It used to be dark, sexy, low and dominate. But now it was just broken and empty. It was a bit raspy, and more higher.

"Dust what the hell happened you idiot?! You just locked yourself in your room!!" Nightmare yelled, angry at the fact that Dust was so broken. He wasen't angry at Dust, not at all. He was angry to that/those people who did this to Dust.

"I'll tell you guys later....now we have a mission to complite." Dust said with a sigh.

"Nuh uh, your not going with us!" Nightmare said, and was about to continue to tell the reasons why, but Cross speaked over him.

"Nightmare. I promised he could come with us. He wouldn't have come out of his room if i didn't promise to him." Crods explained, receiving an annoyed sigh from Nightmare.

"Fine. But you BETTER TELL US why you locked yourself in your room. And it BETTER BE good!" Nightmare threatened. Dust only nodded, getting his knife from his hoodie's pocket. Now that you look at Dust, his hoodie is a lot bigger to him. Well Dust WAS shorter than before, but it was an adorable sign. Or would have been if it wasen't in this situation.

"C'mon let's go." Nightmare said with a sigh, opening a portal to Underswap.

It's been 4 months now, and the bad sanses haven't attacked in any AU's, or caused any kind of an destruction. Classic kinda thought it had something to do with the fact that he broke Dust's heart. Well soul. But Dust was a bad guy. Dust didn't love Classic THAT much, right? Yea, Dust wouldn't probably have even set a tear to their break up. Oh but how wrong was he.....

"Classic. Are you listening?" Ink asked, making everyone in the star council room look at Classic.

"Yep." Classic answered with a fake lazy smirk.

"As i was saying. The bad sanses haven't destroyed in 4 months now. Maybe they have changed, or they are planning something. We have a plan-" Ink was cut off as he felt an AU being destroyed. It was Underswap.

"Underswap brothers, Fell brothers, Dream and Classic, come with me! Underswao is getting destroyed!" Ink said rushingly, creating a portal and jumping trough it, the six others behind him. Just when Ink thought that they have changed.....They jumped trought the portal, entering the Underswap.

Error begun fighting Ink, while Dream begun fighting Nightmare. The swap brothers were were fighting Killer and Horror, while the fell brothers were fighting Lust and Cross. Strange. Usually Dust would be fighting the fell brothers, not Lust. Now that Classic is thinking about it....where IS Dust? Fell (Underfell Papyrus) shot a bone towards List, and he wouldn't be able to dodge it. To the fell brothers, Lust's, Classic's and Cross's suprise, Dust teleported in front of Lust, blocking the attack with his knife. And then Dust begun fighting the fell brothers. Thought the fell brothers noticed that Dust's attacks weren't as strong as before. They were weaker, for some reason. And Dust was a lot shorter. The fell brothers took notice of that. Faster then Red (Underfell Sans) thought, he got the change to aim Dust with a gasterblaster. Red formed a gasterblaster, and shoot it towards Dust. It hit Dust, sending him flying in a tree, to his suprise. Usually when Red aimed a gasterblaster at Dust, Dust would either way dodge, or take the hit and continue like nothing has happened. And Red was 100% that his attacks haven't got stronger, so it could mean only one thing. Dust has gotten weaker. So Red could.....kill Dust in that spot?

Dust was in a lot of pain. The impact he had made with the tree was big, and hurted like hell. But Dust couldn't give up yet. Not just yet. Dust slowly stood up, hid legs shaking. His skull had a spiderweb crack on it, a.d his legs and arms were bleeding. He was a lot weaker than the remembered. But then again. He hasen't took care of himself since THAT day. Barely eating, and slightly moving. Using his voice only to say Papyrus a 'bye' or 'morning'.

Cross took notice of Dust's condition, and tried to get to Dust. But Fell blocked the way.

"Listen here." Fell started, gettin cut of by Cross.

"NO YOU LISTEN HERE LITTLE SHIT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU GUYS DID TO DUST, BUT I'M NOT GONNA WATCH FROM THE SIDE WHILE YOU MAKE DUST'S CONDETION EVEN WORSE! SO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!" Cross yelled, causing everyone's attention coming to them. Cross wasen't just Cross anymore. Chara's part of soul....the DETERMINATION was taking over. Cross seemed to be in the control, but at the same time, it was Chara. Now Fell wasen't the one to retreat, bit right now, he knew it was for the best. Fell moved out of Cross's way, letting him to go over Dust.

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