#idk the idea of teaching everything that ever happened in human history in one year still strikes me as particularly nuts.
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How do other countries do history education?
I know I'm doing the cringe thing but Americans are basically not taught about israel in school, at all. If it comes up it'll likely be in the context of literature class, not history.
Do you split up history classes over multiple years? Because the thing about history class is that it's just mostly a huge number of raw facts to remember. It's not like math where if you know certain procedures you can re-derive things you've forgotten; pretty much any such proposed rule of history is likely to be bunk.
So if you take the number of years of history you have to teach times the detail level you're aiming for times the size of the region you're trying to study, you have an estimate (in vague terms, I don't think you can necessarily get an objective number but you can certainly do simple mathematical reasoning on vague variables) for Total History Facts. And then depending on the age of your students and pedagogical methods and probably other factors, you have a Maximum Facts Per Year. You can use these values to determine the level of detail that allows you to cover your desired subject matter within a school year. If this level of detail is unacceptably low, make the full history education take more years and solve for the detail level again.
And someone - teachers, standards writers, textbook writers, whoever - consistently sets the target detail level such that it's impossible for a given US history class to get past the civil war, or they realize they're going too slow and do a really slipshod tour of the events most pertinent to any understanding of the modern world after a really detail-heavy examination of the differences between the 13 colonies. World history is even worse, I don't even remember how far we got because everyone's brain was leaking out their ears by the end but we absolutely did not make it to the present day. World History was the only class where I failed the AP exam, because it's world fucking history dumbass, you can't teach all of it in a year!
And then, of course, when you get to your next history class they just start over from the beginning at a higher level of detail that also peters out around the Civil War, so you never actually learn anything about the 20th century.
So the options are
a) it's actually exactly like this everywhere. (plausible tbh. there is simply a lot of history.)
b) american students are uniquely lazy and stupid. (seems pretty unlikely, and also the failure is pretty consistent - you could argue that even if student ability is the limiting factor, if it happens this reliably it's educators' responsibility to just make the curriculum easier)
c) american educators are uniquely incompetent. (this is less of a judgement against teachers than it sounds like, it could be that they are ordered to do things in a way that sucks by higher ups and there is no mechanism to inform the decisionmakers that anything is wrong. I don't know if the education system is uniquely dysfunctional but it certainly is dysfunctional at all.)
d) some kind of fucking conspiracy or something. (This doesn't seem likely because who could possibly benefit from this particular problem that wouldn't benefit even more from schools dispensing explicit propaganda about events in the 20th century.)
This feels like a really obvious problem with a really obvious solution (more history classes, less total facts per class), everyone who has taken or taught a history class experiences this, and afaict this is not just a mistake that new history teachers make that they calibrate for after teaching for a while. This is EVERYONE'S experience of history classes in the US, it's kind of an open secret, and pretty much nobody ever fucking does anything about it or even mentions it as a thing it might be possible or desirable to do things about.
#idk the idea of teaching everything that ever happened in human history in one year still strikes me as particularly nuts.#one year AS ONE CLASS OUT OF LIKE EIGHT#idk am i just particularly a moron? is the type of cognitive task of learning history different than other subjects and i just suck at it?
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((so i was gonna open up my askbox again but I got distracted doing this and watching streams i think idr what i did the past few hours, buuut there's something I need to cover first, especially since there are so many new people around! Hello! Especially since so many of you are playing OCs/MCs.
Don't worry, it's a tip to hopefully help you along! It may get a little long, especially as I try and provide examples. . .but hopefully it'll help.
I'm gonna talk a lot about OCs but this applies to canon characters too a bit. It certainly helps.
Tl;dr, you should have a character profile page.
(also remember that tumblr mobile doesn't really have direct access to Pages made with the Pages function on desktop, so you'll have to link them manually in your pinned or description or host them on another site(I used Google Docs in the apst) or in a regular post(this makes it very easy to lose as a forewarning) for maximum accessibility!)
(rules pages are also really really handy if you have alot of resteictions.)
So, in general, OCs have a bit of a lower reception rate in rp. Idk if that'll be the case here with MCs because they're, well, the main character. Housamo is also a series that lends itself well to OCs pretty well, especially non-human ones, but I figured I'd warn for that.
BUT. That doesn't mean you shouldn't play an OC! It just means there are things you need to keep in mind!
Think of all of the OCs you've seen--you all seem to be fun and wonderful people, and your characters are surely interesting. But. . .if you don't tell anybody about them, nobody will know what's going on or where to start, which makes asking questions a little hard, right? That's easier to work around with MC characters--we've played the game, we know the story, we know the characters, so we can figure out questions fairly easily based on that alone and go from there.
But with other OCs, especially those that don't represent charactera from mythology or fiction like many other characters in housamo do, there's like. Nowhere to start. We may see a face or some dialogue, but otherwise we don't have a frame of reference.
That's where a profile comes in!
Azazel-mun, I don't want to share all of the info about my character at once!
What if I don't know everything about my OC yet and want to figure it out along thw way?
The profile doesn't have to be super detailed! At most it shoule include things like the character's name and age and probably things like their location, profession, grade in school or place of work, etc., and anything you'd notice on the surface like their apperance. It's never a bad thing to include a description of their personality too, or a small section about their history/background. Little things that even you should probably know, too.
You can also section your profile off a bit into things like "surface info," "meta info," "things you could easily figure out about them," etc. That way, no one can spoil themself. Making lists like this can help you think these things through if you haven't already as well.
Let's use Azazel, a character that you probably know already, as an example here. I don't have a profile set
Name: Azazel
Species: Fallen Angel; Capra Therian - an anthropomorphic Goat (?)
Gender(pronouns): Male(he/him)
Age: difficult to calculate; several thousand years old?
Apperance age: hard to say, he's not human. Adult.
Origins: banished from his home world of Eden, has been in the human world for several thousand years
Profession: Priest of dubious denomination, most likely Catholic or Protestant; teacher at Daikanyama Academy; de facto head of the Missionaries Non-Profit charity Organization; supervisor of the Aoyama Missionaries
Role & Rule: Watcher; Revelation - allows him to see anything within the territory of the Aoyama Missionaries and anywhere the pages of his Artifact see
Apperance: Azazel is a 5'10"(180cm) tall, anthropomorphic goat of ambiguous breed, with fawn fur all over his body and lighter fur on his head and around his neck. He has brown, riged horns which curve out and back. Though his eyes are often closed, when opened they're red. He always carried around a leather bound bible with an eye on the cover, and is never seen without several chains on his person, although only the one(s) around his neck can be seen unless he's undressed.
He wears a black priest's cassock with a maroon sash and a capelet of the same color, with the same eye as on his bible on the shoulders of the cape, and brown dress shoes. The front of the robe is always open to expose his bare chest and the chains beneath.
Personality: Azazel is kind and doting, very fitting of both a teacher and priest, although his openly flirtatious, lustful, and secretive nature causes others to distrust him. He doesn't mind this at all. He has a strong adoration for humans, and values love in all of its forms more than anything. He's a bit of a passive person, often being unmotivated but working hard regardless, and seems to prefer to watch others and the world go by, although he won't decline most invitations to take part in it. He is always aware of anything that happens within the extensive territory of the Missionaries, and seems to know and see just about everything about anyone he meets, from their surface to their soul. . . .
If you know Azazel, or take note of some of the wording or question marks, you'll note I didn't explain everything(although I may have shared more than you want to.) This is just a bare bones exampe of how I do my profiles--but it can get even more bare!
I'll do two this time, a more vague version of Azazel's, and another that obscures information all together, using the same or a similar format to the above.
Name: Azazel
Species: anthropomorphic goat
Gender(pronouns): male (he/him)
Age: unquestionably an adult
Origins: Eden
Profession: Priest; teacher; head of a charity NPO; member of the Missionaries
Apperance: Horned goatman of slightly above average human height. Light brown fur, blond fur-hair, red eyes. Wears priest robes and a gold chain around his neck and chest. Carries around a bible with an eye on it?
Personality: Kind of eerie, but friendly and affectionate. A little flirtatious, especially towards humans. Seems to know everything about people for some reason?
Compare it to the one before--see how I've left even more things off or left things ambiguous while still sharing what's necessary or surface level? However, it's also not as engaging or as informative as the other one where I gave more information.
As someone who plays him, profiles like this aren't as helpful for me lol since he knows so much about everyone and everything, having a lot of details helps me play my character!
Now, as helpful as this is, this is also a character you probably know. So how about I do this with an OC? Normally I'm extremely detailed in my profiles and such, especially for OCs, sharing headcanons and ideas for relationships between characters. But, again, I'll try and show how you can show some info while leaving some up to people to ask about to later be filled in.
Name: Kezia
Faceclaim/Art Source: [this is where you would put where you get the art for any icons you use--if you draw it yourself, say so; if you use official art from a series, credit the name of the character and the series; if you use picrews, link the specific picrews. DO NOT USE ART YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PERMITTED TO USE. DO NOT STEAL ART. IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE CREDIT, ASK SOMEONE TO HELP YOU, DO NOT JUST SAY THAT IT ISN'T YOURS. DO NOT USE ART YOU HAVE NOT BEEN GIVEN PERMISSION TO USE OR THAT ISN'T FROM A SERIES OF SOME SORT.]
Species: Human
Gender(pronouns): Female (she/her)
Age: mid 20's~early 30's?
Apperance age: older than she looks?
Origins: Tokyo?
Profession: Professor; Witch
Apperance: A fidgety woman who looks older than she is. She looks anxious and confused as often as she looks curious and confident. Wavy light brown hair. Often carries around schoolbooks and is never alone, always with a Rattus Therian and often with a Nyarlathotep.
Personality: seemingly anxious, but curious and exploratative nonetheless. On the awkward side, but can still keep up with the Nyarls that accompany her. Gets into trouble when she gets ahead of herself in exploring and learning about the arcane, but her Rule allows her to disappear easily.
History: Has always been curious about magic and attempted to run through a Gate when they began to open up. Performed a summon and brought a certain transients to Tokyo and recieved her familiar and the magic to use her Rule as a result. Currently teaches at a college. She stumbled into a certain someone while attempting to explore time, and became a fan ever since.
That tells you a fair amount, doesn't it? Even for someone you don't know? It may even raise some questions that you could ask. At the same time, it doesn't tell you that much, and that can be as much of a hindrance for coming up with questions as saying too much can. It's really up to you what's too much and too little. Here's a more detailed version! Some things have been left vague or confusing in such a way that they could be filled in after being revealed through asks and play. That way, people are encouraged to/given ideas of what to ask--and you can still share things in the long run.
Name: Kezia
Faceclaim/Art Source: [N/A]
Species: Human
Gender(pronouns): Female (she/her)
Age: mid 20's~early 30's?
Apperance age: somewhere in her 30's, maybe even a little older
Origins: Tokyo, with some sort of connection to at least one other world
Profession: Professor of [?] at [?] Academy; Witch
Role & Rule: [?] & [?]
Artifact, Summon, Familiar?: Always accompanied by at least one Nyarlathotep and some sort of man-rat? She also carries around a book that's labeled as a Grimoire, but it's rare for someone to be both a summon-user and an Artifact-user. . . .
Apperance: A fidgety older woman wearing a labcoat and a witch's hat. She looks quite stressed and has trouble sitting still. Her ashy brown hair is thin and a little wavy, with some strands of gray. Although she often squints, she doesn't wear glasses. She carries around a lot of books relating to maths and sciences and one labeled 'Grimoire' decorated with arcane symbols from Gehenna and Old Ones. She's always accompanied by at least one Nyarlathotep and a very short, bearded man who can best be described as a brown rat therian with a human-like face. Sometimes there's a normal rat on her person or in her pockets.
Personality: Kezia is a fidgety and anxious magic practitioner. She's very curious about other worlds and has been since the Gates appeared in this Tokyo since she was a child, however she has been pursuing magic before then. She often appears somewhat confused about or fascenated by even her usual surroundings, but, at other times moves through the world with confidence even in unfamiliar territory. She also likes rats and other rodents, and as such will often avoid felines and birds of prey. She has a tendency to disappear, seeming to walk through walls despite assuredly being alive.
She's a little bit awkward with people, but somehow keeps up with Nyarlathoteps nonetheless. She's a good teacher, once she figures out how to explain things in ways others can understand easily, but can be a bit difficult to follow and flighty up until then. Aware of this, she's rather patient, if a little down on herself at times. However, she most often simply has her mind elsewhere. Despite this and the company she keeps, she's relatively sane. . .most of the time.
She shares a name with a witch from the world of Old Ones who made a pact with Nyarlathotep, believing him to be the Devil. . .and the ratman always at her side uses the same name as that witch's familiar as well. It's. . .probably just a coincidence. . .who would rightfully make a pact with Nyarlathotep?
History: Kezia is an adult human from this Tokyo before the apperance of the Gates and construction of the Walls. She's explored various witchcraft pursuits since she was a child, with what was originally a mere imaginative curiosity and fascination. After the arrival of the Gates when she was still young, she snuck over the fences built around one and attempted to go inside the massive pillar of light, which she attributes to the reason she often seems to struggle with her vision. Several years later, she performed a successful summon and she recieved her familiar, Brown Jenkin, transformed into a somewhat therian form from one of her pet rats, and was given some powers from Nyarlathotep. She has no discernable control over any of the chaotic creatures, however they seem to spend time around her regardless.
At present she's a professor of a subject that interests her at a certain college. She's had other dangerous run-ins due to her excitement over the arcane and "darker" arts, but doesn't seem to show any signs of stopping. However, after an incident in an attempt to explore time itself, she encountered a certain guardian of time and feels reluctant for once to explore it further. . .although she's become quite a big fan of his.
. . .i ran out of steam amd kinda lost track of where i was going. idk if that helped at all really. But maybe it did! I hope it did. You don't need to use any of those things exactly by any means, but that's the kind of thing you usually see in profile pages. Basics like someone's name and birthday and age and apperance and a little about their personality, maybe some history. Oftentimes things like powers and weapons and the like. Interests, hobbies, ways they could be intereacted with, etc. Just stuff that'd help you know the character.
I write everything in paragraph form, but everyone is more than welcome to use a more script format. I love making profiles, myself--it really helps to think about the character and details about them. Normally I make really, really detailed profiles, but maybe I'll try and be more simple about it this time around. depends on how i'm feeling.
I know this seems weirdly hypocritical given I don't have one but when I first made this blog there were like four of us including myself. I didn't see the need for a rules or profile page because I didn't anticipate that there'd be so many of us or, like, people from other fandoms or who aren't familiar with certain characters. I'll rectify that soon hopefully. But I figured I'd pass along this idea/knowledge to others.
. . .I'm gonna go reopen my askbox now. Feel free to send asks again, ask about this, etc! You can send me an IM too if you want. I'll properly close up the guest event tomorrow. I'm real tired rn lol so idk how much i'll get done, but i usually do things super late at night my time, so i have some time to pull my shit together haha))
#ooc#((anyway i'm gonna open the askbox and crawl into a hole))#((i got nothing done lol i was so engaged with something else all week))
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Knights of the Night (ch 12)
Chapter 12
Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, ch 6, ch 7, ch 8, ch 9, ch 10, ch 11, ch 12
https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491
pairing: Jungkook x oc
genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance
word count: 1,568
warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France
notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j @daechwitad-2 @zobadak
summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing…
tw: graphic depictions of violence, death, mentions of suicide, possession
“Where to start?” he asked. “I was…the son of a king. My life was pretty strict but I had this group of friends. We were all scholars, but when we met in secret, we liked to play with things like witchcraft and necromancy. We wanted to summon something, I don’t even remember what we wanted to summon, maybe someone who had power to give us something. Anyway, we planned it for a long time, and then we went to the woods and did this elaborate ritual. We made a human sacrifice, a woman who served in the palace. I remember her, she was terrified. I didn’t feel bad about it though. I was… cold and apathetic back then, but I still remember her face. After we slit her throat and drained her blood, we set fire to her and all the other ingredients. And then a woman came from…”
Yoongi narrowed his eyes and looked to the ceiling, as if struggling to remember.
“She came from the woods? Or…No, she was standing in our circle. But I think she came from the woods. She was a demon. Her eyes were bright and hard to look at, and the way her body moved seemed unnatural.”
“She was probably just some kind of witch,” said Namjoon. “Demons aren’t real.”
“I know what witches are like, my friends and I were witches,” said Yoongi. “She was definitely not human. Not a vampire either. She was not like anything I’ve ever encountered since – I’m getting off track, we’re not having this conversation, Joon-ah!”
Namjoon chuckled and held up his hands. “Fine, fine.”
“Anyway, she asked who our leader was and they all pointed to me,” Yoongi continued. “Then she asked me what I wanted, or what I most desired, or something like that. I said I wanted eternal life. She just smiled and said that my wish was granted. A day or so later, I started feeling this thirst, this painful, painful thirst. I tried everything, then I realized what I wanted. I started taking blood from the servants in the palace, and my family hid me from the public. They all hid my secret because I needed to take the throne when my father died. But my family was scared because they thought it was a curse. That it might be bad for the kingdom once I took over. I didn’t even really care about taking the throne anymore, or maybe humanity in general stopped being interesting to me, but whatever it was, I left my city and started travelling and living on my own. I might have been trying to find the demon again, I knew she was still wandering around, but it took me several years to find her. It was when I came back to my city and found out that she had taken over the body of my sister, killing the rest of my family and taking the throne. I knew it was her because her eyes were the same and she moved the way she did in the woods that day, but it was unnerving to see it on my sister’s body. It was… difficult to see my family the way they were. She had left them in the palace to rot. There was no staff, just her. I never felt close with my family, but I was alone without them.
“I asked her what she did to me and she told me that she gave me a great gift, that she gave me eternal life. I told her to take it back but she just laughed. I ran away again and was living in the wilderness for years, feeding off of travelers. I was just wandering for so long and it was miserable. I wanted to die, but nothing I tried would work. A few years passed and then I went over to America for a change of scenery. Then I met Namjoon and Taehyung and I moved in. I even checked on my old palace to see if my stuff was still there. It was, so I had it shipped here. I’d say it’s still in pretty good shape after all this time.”
“And by ‘a few years’, he means one thousand years,” said Hoseok. “When were you born? Two-hundred B.C.?”
Yoongi shrugged. “I have no idea. Something like that.”
Despite how disturbed Catalina was by his story, she found it incredibly fascinating. Yoongi must have seen the disturbed faces of the humans in the room because he sat up and said, “I’m not like that anymore. These guys taught me humanity and empathy or whatever.”
“Okay, Hoseok. Your turn,” Jimin said with a grin.
“Me? I already told you everything there is to know!” he said. “Born in the 70s, turned in the 90s, I was a broke college student, but then I had to drop out.”
“This is all we know too,” said Namjoon with a wave of his hand. “He doesn’t like talking about it.”
“Yeah, we can talk about something else,” said Hoseok. “Like, you guys. What do you all plan on doing after school?”
“I want to work L.A.,” said Jimin. “I want to dance in movies and music videos. Maybe be a choreographer for stuff like that.”
“Ooohh,” Hoseok exclaimed. “That would a lot of fun! I would do that.”
“We can both dance in L.A.!” said Jimin.
“Gukkie, what about you? What do you want to do after you graduate?” Catalina asked.
“I have no idea,” he said, laughing. “I like film, but I’ve already changed my major three times, so who knows what will happen with that.”
“What were your previous majors?” she asked.
“Dance, fine arts, political science, and now film,” he said, listing them off of his fingers. Catalina’s eyebrows raised.
“Political science?” she asked.
“Heh, yeah, it was too hard though,” he said. “I don’t like school enough for something like that. I kept failing my classes that semester. What about you? Do you have plans after school?”
Jungkook played with the end of her braid as he asked.
“Um, long term plans, I don’t really know,” said Catalina. “But my dream is to perform in a ballet in France. I hope I can go there and audition after I graduate.”
“You will, you’re really good,” said Jungkook. Catalina blushed and looked away before she did something crazy, like jumping him in front of everyone.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Why did you come all the way out here for college though?” Jimin asked. “You have huge schools in Michigan, and really good performing arts schools in Chicago.”
“Ah, I think I just needed a change,” said Catalina. “I needed to get away. I miss my mom, but I didn’t like my friends there, I didn’t like my town, and ever since I came out as bisexual, my mom had been acting weird-“
“No wonder you, Jungkook and Jimin all get along!” Jin interrupted. “Birds of a feather!”
“Whoa, Jin! So, we’re just outing everyone now?” Jungkook exclaimed. Jimin sighed and rolled his eyes.
“It’s fine, I already knew about you,” Catalina said, patting Jungkook’s thigh.
“I never told you though,” he said.
“Jungkook, what was the first thing you noticed about Namjoon?” Catalina asked.
Jungkook blushed and said, “Thighs.”
Catalina raised an eyebrow. Namjoon looked up with wide eyes.
“Plus, I know you knew it was gonna rain during the baseball game. That’s why you had everyone wear white shirts,” said Catalina.
“That was for you too,” he said with a smirk.
“It was definitely for both of us,” said Catalina, making him laugh. “I appreciate it though.”
“I know,” he said, slipping an arm around her waist. “I saw the way you were looking at me.”
“Okay, I’m about to puke,” said Jimin. “Jimmy K, hurry up and talk about yourself before these two get out of hand.”
Jimmy K chuckled and said, “Well, I’m working on my Masters in Astrophysics, and after grad school, I hope to work for NASA.”
“Jungkook said you were a ‘former bad boy’?” Catalina asked, laughing. “What did that mean?”
“During high school, I used to cause a lot of trouble in this town I guess,” said Jimmy K. “The police chief was my arch nemesis, but now I work with him.”
“Wow, so cool,” Catalina said, sighing dreamily. Jungkook snorted beside her. Jimmy K threw her a wink.
“I already know what Jin is gonna do after college so no need to share-“ Jungkook began.
“Jungkook, you brat! I know what you’re gonna say!” Jin said, pointing a finger at him.
“What?”
“You were gonna say that I’m gonna be a housewife and stay-at-home mom,” Jin said.
“Hey, you said it, not me,” said Jungkook. Jin took off his slipper, got up, walked over, and swatted Jungkook over the head with it. Jungkook leapt to his feet and chased after him.
“He’s getting his teacher’s license,” said Jimmy K.
“You want to be a teacher?” Namjoon asked. Jin shoved Jungkook off of him and sat back down. Jungkook dropped back into his spot next to Catalina.
“Yeah, I want to teach elementary,” said Jin.
“Oh god, good luck,” Yoongi mumbled.
“Well, you better hurry up,” said Jungkook. “Your youth is fading away quickly.”
Jin grabbed a nearby pillow and threw it at him. Jungkook retaliated and soon, the whole room erupted into a pillow fight.
#bts#tw blood#tw violence#tw mentions of suicide#tw suicide#knights of the night#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#Jimmy K#min yoongi#jung hoseok#park jimin#kim taehyung#jeon jeongguk#namjoon#rm#jin#captain kirk#yoongi#suga#hobi#jhope#jimin#v#taehyung#jungkook#vampire au#bts fanfction#crystalstar
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Hi! I know that you’ve said that you won’t continue with the sequel planned for Wandering Bird, but I was wondering if I could inquire on what you might’ve written? It’s just, I really adore your fic; can’t get it out of my head actually (so I’m so sorry if I’m being insensitive!) You mentioned once that you were going to do a POV from Arthur Gwen and Morgana- does that mean they (Morgana and Gwen specifically) had an idea of Merlin’s fate? Could Arthur “see” Merlin during his adventures? Part 1
Part 2: (Again, I apologize for my questions-your story just has so many interesting plot points!!) How would Bonnie and Co interact/react to Arthur’s return? Why couldn’t Freya interact much with Merlin; Was it a lack of magic, interference or something else? Somewhat weird question: but did you have anything in mind for Merlin’s Vigil Night? (If he can get one poor dear). (Gushing continued in third ask I’m so sorry)
Part 3: I loved how you showed Arthur considering legal reforms before his death-and the Phoenix as the emblem? *Chef’s Kiss* Was the creation of the phoenix’s later on a reference to that? Random aside: I really adored how badass you made Merlin, without making him too edgy or dark, you know? Also I really loved the many prophecies/legends surrounding just Merlin as “Emrys”! I adore literally everything about Aithusa, and her final scene made me bawl (also your art is gorgeous!) You’re amazing!
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Don’t ever apologize for asking questions about fics! Even if they’re old fics the author doesn’t plan on returning to, these kind of asks can really make their day and I’m sure 98% of the time they’ll just be over the moon that someone still thinks so much about their work :D I am!!
I still get emotional thinking about Aithusa, so I’m super glad her storyline made you feel so deeply. And that yuo liked Merlin’s portrayal and the lore about him! And thea art! Ahh, just, thank you! 🥰
Unfortunately, I no longer have my original outlines and the roughly 15k I’ve written due to my old laptop crashing, and it’s been 7 years (oh my gosh how) so I no longer remember the details. Which is too bad - I have several abandoned fics in my mother tongue, and I always uploaded summaries of what was supposed to happen to provide some kind of closure to readers. I can’t do that properly with Wandering, but I’ll try my best!
Putting the rest under a cut. :)
Feathers was inteded to be a series of 7 fics: 3 long main stories and 4 shorter (8-15k) standalone side-stories. The graphics are pretty much the only thing I still have left x’D
You know this one, 75k of how Merlin spends those roughly 1500 years between the end of the show and Arthur’s rebirth. Then, the stuff that never got finished:
The Gwen POV side story, set during ch1 of Wandering. Focused on Gwen dealing with Arthur’s death, managing the kingdom and working on abolishing discrimination against magic users. Also getting together with Leon after a few years.
The Morgana POV one, at parts corresponding to ch1 and ch2 of Wandering. Honestly, I’m no longer sure about the details, but the early parts were supposed to explain and detail show canon, and then... I think I meant to bring her back in as a literal bird. With the life span of it, just keeping her consciousness, so she can watch what happens in the world. She probably watched over Aithusa, too, and Merlin, and IDK but the goal was to show her thoughts and eventually give her character justice and closure.
The Arthur POV one. He was kept in some kind of otherworldly, underwater palace-like place and could only interact with Freya, really, but he did get constant flashes of Merlin - especially where he was near Albion. This short was supposed to be very dream-like, as time works differenetly in that place. It’s kind of like when you’re half-asleep, y’know? So Arthur didn’t really live those 1500 years like Merlin did, but he followed his journey, in a way. When Freya “woke him up” at the end, they did have a conversation about it. He lost these memories when he was reborn. (But he still often dreams of water and a kind lady)
The next big one! Set in 2012, this would’ve started with Arthur & Merlin going to uni and “meeting each other” and ended with Arthur finally regaining his memories. Merlin kept away from him while Arthur was growing up, you see - aside from that one time when he learnt that by pure chance, Ray (who became a PE teacher) ended up being one of lil’ Chris/Arthur’s teachers. As old man Emrys, he got himself some history teaching shtick because he wanted to see how Arthur was doing, but he quickly realized that this is not going to work, what with him being in love with the man Arthur is going to become. xD So he left after a few months, and kept away from Arthur. (But kept pestering Ray with questions :D)
Anyway, when Arthur goes to uni (by this point, he exclusively goes by ‘Arthur’ btw, dropping Christopher) Merlin magics himself back into his eighteen year old form and gets enrolled in the same school. Agatha and Mike would have had prominent roles as basically Merlin’s sidekicks. Aggie is especially close with him, after him mentoring her about magic all her life.
Arthur has no memories either of his old life or about the years spent with Freya, so the dynamic at first is pretty much show S1. Most of the angst would have come from Arthur finally wanting to get together with Merlin but Merlin pulling away because there’s just too much Arthur doesn’t know; how is he supposed to be together with him when he’s hiding so much, lying so much? This Arthur is pure and free of the tragedies of the past, and maybe it’d be best if Merlin left him alone... But something must be happening - something the world needs Arthur for, if he slept through WWI and WWII but NOW fate decided to send him back...
Anyways, he would have gotten back his memories aroud the end of this instalment. Cue a lot of crying from Merlin’s part.
The last big one, a direct sequel to With Memories. A lot of recap and talking in the early parts, Merlin and Arthur reconciliating who they were in the past with who they are in the present and who they wanna be in the future.
There was a Big Bad of some kind of malicious magical origin (not necessarily a person, but an “end of the world” kind of thing/entity. It was 2012 after all. Little did we knew the real shit was coming 8 years later It was revealed that Arthur had magic himself, plenty of it - he couldn’t use it, at all, but he wielded a lot of pure magic, maybe related to how he was basically marinated in magic-juice for over fifteen centuries and how his soul was pushed back into the world xD There was a lot of magical and dragon-related lore to be revealed. The Phoenixes came back to play a part in resolving the Big Bad, too. But it’s all very hazy. What I do remember is that to fix the Big Bad, Merlin AND Arthur had to hold their Vigil Night, in a way - not dying, god now, but both of them hand to give all their combined magic back to earth. This resulted in the Big Bad no longer happening and Merlin losing his immortality =)
After figuring out their shit in the first half, they were pretty much together, btw. Learning each other in a new way. Arthur digged Merlin’s Phoenix emblem tattoo, that’s for sure. A lot of communication was needed, especially because it wasn’t easy for Arthur to understand Merlin’s grief (sometimes, Merlin looked so old despite the young form he wore; sometimes he felt ancient, and Arthur was a bit scared in his presence - not scared of Merlin, but scared of how to measure up to him, reach him, help him.) And Merlin had to understand that even with his old memories, Arthur wasn’t exactly that Arthur, the king - he had a life of his own in the present, a new identity, and it was unfair of Merlin to expect him to be the same. They no doubt talked a lot about Merlin’s lived experiences, his lost ones, Aithusa. (Merlin never stopped wearing the pendant made of Aithusa’s scale)
Happy end, of course :)
Well, that was a lot of vaaaague stuff, but hopefully gave you an idea? Bonnie wasn’t around too much, though I’m sure I’d have included some scenes with her. She probably didn’t met Arthur until Together Again. Aggie liked him fine but kept teasing him and she could be a bit harsh, what with her being so overprotective of Merlin. Mike and Arthur got along really well. Arthur was shocked when he was first fully introduced to the whole family and was met with his old PE teacher AND that brought up the fact Merlin attempted to teach him for a few months xDD
Buuuuut.... this was still just 6, eh?
Last instalment, another side oneshot, and a prequel to the whole series. Kilgharrah’s POV. Set a few generation’s before Uther’s rein, elaborating on some of the lore and backstories revealed in Together Again. (all of which I no longer remember, rip) I know we’d have met an ancestor of both Merlin and Arthur through Kilgharrah: Aurelius Ambrosius, who does some good deed to Kilgharrah, and the dragon blesses him - after this, the man takes the name Pendragon. And Coel, who was a dragon lord, husband to Ystradwal high priestess. Coel had a cheerful and kind personality, and he was the first human Kilgharrah came to like. They became friends. Coel was supposed to be Merlin’s grandfather, I think. Kilgharrah and his mate were expecting their first egg to hatch when Uther’s purge started, and that was pretty much the end of this short =(
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All I have left aside from these is some tidbits of dialogue from the single file on the sequels I have:
~
“Whoa, Merlin, slow down. I can’t follow you.”
“I’m different from you. Okay? I’m not... I wasn’t... I didn’t reincarnate. I’m not a reincarnation of the original Merlin. I am the original Merlin. Do you understand? I never... Look, I never died.”
“You are. The same Merlin." Merlin nods. "The same Merlin who mucked out my horses and saved me countless times and magicked his way into my life.”
“I’m afraid, sire.”
The title comes without a conscious thought, and when he realizes, his heart twists and cracks.
Arthur just stares at him.
~
“So? Who are you guys, then?”
“I wasn’t lying about them. They are family. No! Gods, no, not like that,” he adds quickly upon seeing Arthur’s widening eyes.
“He’s our magical fairy godfather,” Mike and Aggie say in perfect union, completely straight-faced.
~
“The only times I was really miserable were the very first few hundred years, and later the roughly three centuries that followed Aithusa’s death. For the rest of the time, I wasn’t completely alone, and that... helped. A lot. But... it was hard. I hated how everyone I cared for withered away and died before my eyes, so I tried to keep people away for a long time. I was lonely, but that kept me safe from heartbreak. At least, that’s what I’d thought.
“But then I met Bonnie, and as I watched her grow up and start a family - a family that welcomed me - I realised how foolish I was for attempting to condone myself to a solitary life and deny myself the warmth of others’ love.”
~
Arthur wipes a hand over his face. “Owning a magical heritage but no apparent talent to use it... Just. Great. I’m a fucking Quibble!”
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Phew!! What a trip down memory lane xD And I actually remembered more than I thought I would, so that’s nice. Thank you for enabling me to ramble and recall some stuff a really liked about this verse. I hope I was able to give you some closure! Cheers!♥
#anon#ask answer#/#//#///#merlin#merthur#fic related#Like a Forever Wandering Bird#omg I rambled so much#you know what I might link this post at the end of Wandering#just in case any other late newcomers like you would like to know about The Continuation That Never Was#long post#geez IDK why the cut isn't showing up if you check my blog directly#sorry those who're not seeing this on your dash#=/
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Random ideas for alternate endings in FE3H
So; I’m afraid this is gonna be a rather long post.
To start this off: I would have loved to see more content after the final battle in each route. Idk about any of you guys but I felt that each ending was kinda rushed. You fight the boss, get a nice little history lesson, get your S-Support and the credits. All in the span of what? 20 minutes?
It would have been nice for this game to have some kind of epilogue.
So this is what I tried to come up with here. Some short cutscenes for each route + a last chance to talk with your students etc after the war.
Anyway; hope you enjoy.
FE 3 Houses Endings after the S Support; before the credits
Player gets one last chance to roam freely and without any restrictions through Garreg Mach; including the Holy Tomb for example.
Your students are there as well.
It is obvious that despite the newly found peace in Fodlan, the academy will probably never be opened again.
Nobles and commoners alike see it as more of a memorial of a time that was, rather than a step closer to a brighter future.
With the land ravaged by war; depending on your route; the people have either lost their faith in the goddess to some extent; or try to flee into her/ Rhea‘s/ your embrace, hoping to find solace and warmth
Your students and you get a last chance to properly talk to one another and voice your opinion about everything that happened since the war started and maybe even since you’ve first met.
You might get a glimpse into their own “S-Supports”
For example, paired students will be seen together in the ruins of Garreg Mach and will also announce their engagement/plans etc to you.
This whole last exploration of the school grounds is supposed to be some kind of farewell.
For both the player and the students.
It’s a solemn/bitter-sweet yet hopeful atmosphere.
Everyone is basically reminiscing about the past, lost innocence and loved ones etc.
The Player could also get a chance to visit Jeralt’s grave again.
Last moments of the game before we get to the house specific endings would include everyone making their way through of the main gate. Leaving that chapter of their life behind.
Blue Lions
The church and the faith of the people is still strongly rooted in Fodlan.
Many turn towards the new Archbishop for guidance and aid.
Last cutscene of the game would include Byleth striding forward, towards Rhea’s “throne” in the monastery.
(The last event to ever take place in these halls, before it’s abandoned for good)
They are accompanied by Dimitri. Paralleling how Byleth stood by his side during his coronation in Faerghus.
As you hear their last exchange of words; looking at their backs now; the screen slowly fades to black.
(First time we hear Byleth talk in-game; in each ending cutscene ... maybe?)
Byleth: “I’m not sure what Rhea was thinking appointing me as the head of the church. I won’t be able to live up to peoples’ expectations.”
Dimitri: “You already are, Professor. Smile … This is a happy time.”
(Literally the same thing Byleth said as Dimitri becomes king, I guess)
Golden Deer
Just like in the Blue Lion ending, the church still has an influence on Fodlan and the people.
(Idk to what extent though since I haven’t played this route yet; so I don’t know the details of the plot)
Last cutscene includes Byleth and Claude walking through the battlefield of their fight against Nemesis.
Wide shots; basically a perspective on the ground/low angle
Sunset
Byleth stops abruptly; unsheathing the Sword of the Creator
They take one last look at it before they drive it into the soil.
Claude smiles, putting a hand on their shoulder.
We see one of those rare Byleth smiles (we should see that in every ending!)
Again a last exchange of words between the Lord and the Player.
This time the screen fades to black while keeping the focus on the sword.
Claude: “You sure about that, Teach? That sword could fall into the wrong hands again.”
Byleth: “It’s better this way. Besides, without me it’s practically useless. An echo of a conflict that should have long been over, anyway.”
Claude: “It is now.”
Byleth: “Which is why this sword’s journey will find it’s end here. By my hands.”
Black Eagles
The church has been disbanded and stripped off it’s power. With Rhea gone and the believe in the false goddess dwindling, humanity looks towards an uncertain yet promising future; as people start to rely on themselves more rather than on some unseen and out of reach entity.
Last scene takes place on a balcony of Enbarr’s “castle”
Sunset
Byleth and Edelgard stand in silence as they stare into the distance. Towards the land they have created.
Despite their victory, however, there’s still much to be done.
Though a smile rests on both of their faces; their eyes are heavy.
Once again the last shot focuses on their backs; paralleling the Blue Lion Ending
Just like the previous endings this one includes a last piece of dialogue.
Byleth:„It may not look like it right now, but the edge of dawn isn‘t too far away. I promise. Just trust me on this one.“
Edelgard: „Yeah,
...
I trust you; my teacher.“
(Gonna rely on the voice acting for this scene. Lines need to be delivered in a hopeful tone. Idk how to explain this part sdkskds)
Maybe there could be a bird flying towards the sun setting on the horizon ???
The night/the fight against those who slither in the dark still lies ahead.
But there's hope that even this fight can be won. With whatever time both of them have left they're going to continue to fight for what they believe in.
Church Ending
aka the ending I know almost nothing about
The church obviously keeps it’s power and influence once again.
Since I don’t know much about this route I’m not gonna comment on the state of Fodlan as a whole.
Last scene includes Rhea and Byleth in the Red Canyon; the place of Sothis’ death.
Rhea basically gets some much needed closure to the war that happened over 1000 years ago.
Sunrise
With “her mother” by her side she’s more hopeful than the lords are in the other endings.
-
As a rather unimportant side note
I’d like to imagine these scenes without any kind of ost in the bg
Just ambient sounds
Like echoing footsteps in BL
Wind blowing over the land and through trees etc in GD
(Again) some wind and maybe distant chattering from the people in the town below in BE
Basically a silence that could be both calming and “uncomfortable” depending on the player’s perception of things.
I apologize for any typo or grammatical error. It’s late and I can’t get myself to read through this once again.
#fire emblem three houses#fire emblem#fire emblem headcanons#pls let me have some more content#hoping for some kind of continuation in the last DLC
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TASK ONE: make a new year’s wish.
I. mun based questions.
question one. i’m always open for pain and evil ideas! i Live for drama and wouldn’t be opposed at all. but i also think it’d be pretty neat to sometimes post a general request? especially if there’s a plot where a bunch of characters would fit and you guys could decide who fits Better! and that way everyone gets a chance to be part of Something.
question two. i’d probably suffer a lot but i don’t mind the getting hurt. sometimes actions have consequences and they need to Learn. i’d be cool with that in any way tbh, most of my characters are vampires so... eh, they can just re-attach their arms for all i know. same with elijah but as a fellow human, it sucks to suck i guess.
question three. i would probably need to mentally prepare myself first, i’d get back to you on this one someday.
II. muse based questions.
ASRA - volturi guard vampire. ( pansexual, homoromantic )
i. i have a hc that during his human years there was one person he’d been in love with. the only being in his entire life he’d felt something for. asra never really confessed bc... times were different and their relationship would have been forbidden; but i imagine they were close friends. ofc, after he became a vampire and found out someone killed his family he went on a killing spree & pretty much everyone in his village paid the price. but he doesn’t know for sure if this person was a victim too. imagine if by some chance ( him not actually killing them and accidentally turning them; or them not being around at the time and being turned later by someone else ) they find their way into seattle... and them and asra meet. asra’s dramatic ass being reminded that he does actually have feelings!
additional info: would have to be a male aligned korean fc around the same fake age as asra so... early 20s.
ii. i think finding his singer would be something fun to explore? not in a... romantic sense because i highly doubt he’d even consider that. but more in a how dare you exist and make me feel like a monster for wanting to murder you, kinda way. bc.. he’s not exactly someone that kills for fun, mostly because he has to if he wants to survive ( and he does ); so someone that brings out that... feral? part of him and reminds him that he is, in fact, a killing machine would be fun!
iii. asra is someone that finds humans... very interesting; in the same sense of a zoologist finding animal behaviour interesting. he observes them from afar, never gets too close. what if someone comes so utterly... fascinating ( maybe bc they’re just a trainwreck of a person, or just... so different in the way they act ) that actually makes asra want to see them up close, interact with them or even... gasps care for them? unheard of!
iv. this one is for my vamps out there. it’d be neat for him to find someone that calls him out on his “i have no feelings” bullshit, and gets close to him enough for asra to actually want to open up to them... long story short a friend someone he truthfully cares about. i see this as mostly platonic but it could be romantic if there’s chemistry.
additional info: they’d have to be male for any sort of romantic relationship to happen
v. maybe someone from their old covens ? i imagine he’d been in two before joining the volturi guard. nothing more than that, just someone, or multiply people ( squad ? ) that knows him from a long time ago and he banters with, or fights with, or maybe has a nice relationship with!
vi. vampire he’s hooked up with ? most likely during his newborn days tbh, or before he joined the volturi. bc now it’s Serious Business Only.
additional info: could be any gender.
ALICE - olympic coven vampire. ( pansexual, panromatic )
i. i WOULD LOVE CYNTHIA BRANDON. OR ANY LONG LOST RELATIVE !!! that’d be such a chef’s kiss connection to explore considering she doesn’t remember anything about her human life. if it’s cynthia just imagine her pain of her recognizing her sister but alice having no memories, absolutely nothing in her mind other than a weird feeling of ‘have i seen you before?’ or if it’s a long lost relative... them recognizing alice from really old family pictures and being like ‘isn’t this one of my relatives that disappeared from the asylum? wtf???’
additional info: cynthia brandon/any other relative would have to be at least half korean.
ii. i have a hc that after being turned, as a lost newborn she was found by an extremely nice and welcoming coven that took the time to teach her how to live her new life. i think it’d be cool to either meet her sire or an old coven member again!
iii. when she was just turned alice had no idea what the visions in her mind meant. she had forgotten everything about her life, and had no choice but to start all over again. at first she did everything she could to ignore the images on her head; and focused on simply making the most of this 2nd chance she was given. there was this one other vampire ( could be from that old coven, or just someone else she met ) that seemed to understand her so well. and for alice, someone that had never experienced love before, they were... everything she needed at the time. they helped to shape her into the bright and loving little angel that she is, they were so good to her. but soon enough came this vision, of her surrounded by so much happiness, a loving family and a mate that wasn’t them. a vision she couldn’t ignore. they were good, they understood, in fact they were the ones that encouraged her to seek for them, because it’s what she deserved. and so... she left in order to find her destiny. what if alice and this vampire met again? ( obviously alice loves jasper more than anything and she’s 100% sure he’s her soulmate but... mayb the pain :^) or just that Good Good loving and purely platonic relationship !!! )
additional info: could be any gender!
iv. humans/other vampires/cotm she’s blessed with her fashion knowledge as a fashion consultant ?? idk ! friends !!
GARRETT - nomad vampire. ( pansexual, demiromantic )
i. this dude’s been alive since mid 1700s. always involved in american wars! i feel like in one of them, when there was someome that truly needed it. he turned a fellow soldier to make sure they come back from war. he thought them the basics, helped them through the bloodlust. what happened after they come back from the war is utp. but garrett is their sire. maybe they resent him, maybe they’re grateful. all there is to know is that they’re alive thanks to him.
ii. he’s quite the adventurer so... maybe vampires he’s met through the years on his expeditions? could be friends, could dislike eachother.
iii. i imagine at some point during his long life there had to be someone he was extremely close to. someone that could have been his mate, but for any reason they didn’t quite get there. maybe because at the time one of them ( most likely garrett tbh ) wasn’t willing to settle down, or maybe their feelings weren’t deep enough for that. but they worked well together in any other way. they could have drifted apart, moved along on good terms, or on bad terms. but seattle becomes the city they once again collide in.
additional info: could be any gender!
iv. the idea of a coven... wasn’t the most appealing for a free spirit like garrett. but it wasn’t something he had completely ruled out. maybe there was a time he was a part of one, or got really close to. they come to seattle and find him here, still a nomad, as free as ever. could be fun to explore!
v. this seems like a crackhead plot but hear me out... a human completely oblivious about the existence of supernatural beings. obsessed with american history. finding a similar looking guy in every single picture from all the american wars there have been since cameras were invented. and oh my god? does that tall dude in the library looks exactly like the dude in the pictures too? what the hell is going on? am i on x files?
ELIJAH - human. ( pansexual, demiromantic )
i. any possible platonic relationship you could imagine! childhood friends, high school friends, college friends, training/cop/detective friends ?? legit ANYTHING. i’m always sipping that ‘i love platonic connections’ juice
ii. this one connection is important. but basically... elijah gained his status by making the Right Connections. but there was someone above everyone else that helped along the way. they were together pretty much since they both started college, and they had everything elijah wished to have growing up. their relationship was mostly physical, their feelings for eachother weren’t that deep and they were both aware of that. elijah would get the exposure/connections he wanted; and they’d get the excellent academic status that came with elijah. but the fact that they were pretty much the reason why elijah got the chance to make those connections made them think they held some sort of power above him. and since elijah still wasn’t in a place where he could just let everything crumble down, he’d comply and do as they said. this relationship was toxic, there was no love between them at all. and it was bound to end at some point. there were some nice moments, not including the amazing sex, that would make elijah consider the possibility of a future together; but the bad moments would always make him go right back to his senses. if anything elijah is thankful for them, but he’s also extremely grateful that things ended without any of them hurting the other more than they already had.
additional info: could be any gender!
iii. past hookups ? exes ? there could be lingering feelings from their part.. or not. they could be bitter, or ended up in good terms! ( he’s married, in love AND faithful so it wouldn’t really be anything more tbh )
#equinox.task1#my brain reached its limit when i got to elijah for plots#i'm Sorry my boy i really do love you
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So your meta of Lavi is a masterpiece and it helped me put into words a lot of stuff. I kinda wanted to talk about Allen though, one thing you mentionned is that Allen is really positive/optimist and want to save everybody, and while some of his 'light' probably comes from Mana's mask because so far it seems Allen's idea of Mana was of a really kind and positive and cheerful person. I wonder how much of his optimism/positiveness and desire to strive for the best for everybody come from -part 1
part 2-himself ? And I suddenly remembered DGM reverse, and woah, most exorcists backstories so far are really horrible, but they all had normal-happy memories mixed in (that doesn’t make up for the horibleness of other stuff and I’m not downplaying their stories nor am I interested in comparing who had it worse), Lenalee had her family before most got killed by Akuma and she was ripped away from Komui to be psychologically tortured and abused by the black order and it quite obviously distressed
part 3- her, her life so war was happy until akuma and the B.O ruined it. I dunno for Lavi but most panels of him as a child are cheerful and cute af, and he became a bookman for his desire to know about history and know more than most people, then increasedly got sick of humanity and their wars and their stupidity. Kanda’s backstory is the stuff of nightmares and OW, but he had Alma with him from the beggining and his friendship/love/I don’t think he quite knew with Alma meant a lot for him
part 4- etc etc. Allen’s backstory in reverse ? Kinda the opposite. Red didn’t have anything happy, no happy memories, no people that loved him, nothing. He barely had shelter (one that didn’t quite block out the chilling cold), and had to work to the bone for and while he had food, it wasn’t something he took for granted, because if Cosimo or somebody else felt like it they’d say lies to the ringmaster that Red slacked off and the Ringmaster would get pissed at Red, ‘put him in his place’part 5 (I think it’s 5)-and make him starve that day as punishment. And he was under constant threat of violence from pretty much anybody. The best reaction/treatment he could hope for at the time was being ignored (and all his human rights with it), and had to face disgust/physical violence/insults/slurs from all others. Red kinda accepted that nobody’d ever love him (though he admitted he longued for love once he witnessed it), but that didn’t matter because he hated other people right back
part 6- and the first time he received warmth/got treated as a human was from Allen the dog, then from Mana himself (who Red thought the worst of at the beggining), then had fluffy and happy memories and moments during two years after his miserable and hellish life (people probably treated him normally once Mana got him a glove to cover his Innocence Arm). The thing that differentiate him from others is that most others experienced at least some warmth before getting disillusioned/cynical
avant-derniere part-most experienced some warmth before discovering that no, humanity/life suck (for Kanda it happened at the same time)(that’s even how the earl bait most into making Akuma, they experience happiness and love then get crushed when the source of hapiness gp away), but for Allen/Red ? He was utterly done with life and didn’t remember any instances of a good memory/life and didn’t even know what positivity felt like ? And then he got to experience that life doesn’t suck THAT much.
final part- then he got to experience that life doesn’t suck THAT MUCH. that’s why witnessing/enduring fucked up shit won’t faze him in his goal, fucked up shit was the norm before this weird magical thing called love came. (aside from his duty to atone to what he did to Mana) He didn’t get the transformation from hopeful to cynical. it was the other way around. He went back to save Tykki in the ark once the Noah problem was taken care of, because in Allen’s worldview, Allen himself and his -
the true final part- Allen himself and his friends doesn’t qualify as 'white/light’ in his worldview. Tykki is a sadistical homicidal bastard ? He does have human friends and people he care for anyway, so if he’s not a threat/able to kill exorcists anymore he might as well save him. And that’s why he didn’t judge Suman for being a traitor. Or maybe I’m just sprouting useless pretentious bullshit and am mistaken,sorry, idk, enlighten me.
Heyaaa!! first thank you so much for the compliment it means a lot to me ❤ but huge shout out to the anon who helped put it all in words like that.
Second, I think you’re completely spot on on everything you mention.
(Before jumping in the whole thing while i agree with all you say, i’ll just mention that one of the Guidebook, the Grey Arc one, mentions that Lavi joined the Bookmen at 6yo, and almost gets killed by a stray bullet when he was 7yo (the guidebook mentions he clang to Bookman’s hair when he was healing him, leading Bookman to say it’s Lavi’s fault they’re falling off now). So by all account despite this incident Lavi had a happy upbringing with Bookman, or well as much as the heartless Bookman training had to offer).
For Allen, yes, all you say is very true and it’s honestly super interesting to me? Allen’s life before Mana was hell. Hell, hadn’t Allen-the-dog died because he was beaten up anyway? The only happiness he had with that Dog was taken away by him likely by his abusers. Before Mana, he lived through hell. He was 7 when he met Mana and they were together only 3 years. That’s only 3 years of real happiness. And if anything we get from Cross’s memories chapter, is that it took Allen a long, long time to get over it (and while there’s camaradery between them, Cross’s teaching traumatized Allen to this day so. Poor guy went through a lot).
Mana seems to be the only window of time in which Allen was happy, and he doesn’t have anything else in his early memories that allow him to cling to that. tbh that’s also why the changes of names matter a lot with Allen. from “Red” because it was the color of his arm, something people insulted him for, it was either an insult he got too used to to correct since he didn’t have a name anyway, or seeing himself as nothing else than what made his monstruosity to others. To “Allen”, the name of the dog. Of the first being who showed him love and affection and who died unfairly. To then take on the “Walker” last name after he turned Mana as an Akuma, likely in a way to remind himself of him, to “Keep Walking” but also to remember everytime he hears his name of what he has done to Mana and his duty toward him.
And you’re entierely right: Allen’s story was one of cynism and suffering who eventually ended up getting better thanks to Mana, and Mana’s loss and the guilt of turning him into an Akuma from Allen in the mindset of constantly trying to take it over his shoulders.
It’s obviously not meant to disregard the others backstories, like you say- but it’s interesting bc even Kanda who had the most horrible early years in life had Alma, and Alma balanced out the horrors he had to go through, and he had him from the start. And the scientists were actually kind to the kids outsides of the experiments. (not excusing any of the shits they pulled the kids through- but it sure does contrasts with Allen’s past that had people abuse him for no reason).
Mana is the catalyst of Allen’s storyline in many ways: for being the first being who showed him kindness and changed his viewpoint of life, to then the grief of losing him shaping Allen’s future guilt that isolates him from others.
Had Allen not been able to create an Akuma for Mana, it’s to wonder how “selfless” he would have become. While I think that him wanting to smile, be cheerful, be kind, comes mainly for being raised by Mana- His selflessness, his self-sacrificing attitude, his way to distance himself emotionally from others all come from the fact he “betrayed Mana” by making him go through the Akuma making process. If Allen could have remained kind and sweet growing up, a lot of his worst habits may not have existed has the guilt from the Akuma not happened.
I think it would be the nuance of what Allen evolved into due to Mana’s raising him, and what Allen evolved into due to the grief of losing Mana and therefore forcing himself to wear his mask.
Had Mana not existed at all in Allen’s life, I don’t doubt he would have turned into a bitter person until someone showed love and care for him. Imo, Allen was someone who was starved for affection but was in an unsafe environment for it to happen, and he grew cynical. The only fact he cared this much about a dog being kind to him shows that he was already fundamentally a kind soul that was just unable to express himself and only bitterness remained. What Allen needed was someone kind to encourage this side of him. (and like you mention, Allen does agrees he longued for love, just didn’t know what it was beforehand)
I think Mana made Allen feel safe to be “gentle”. He showed him how being kind and cheerful could help himself and others. Like a parent teaches his child to evolve in life in a way. Allen was only 7 after all, he was still young enough to learn, to be shaped by his experience.
“Mana’s mask”, that fake smile though, comes from Mana’s teaching pushed to the extreme after Allen’s guilt over Mana pushed him to push people away.
So yes, you’re right: Allen’s journey was of cynism to cheerfulness. To determination to carry on. I think he had the potential to cheerfulness all along but just needed someone to push him in the right direction, and Mana was that push (but for that we need a little more “casual times between Mana and Allen between Allen’s 7 and 10 years old”). But the guilt and trauma of the Akuma!Mana incident pushed Allen to do this to the extreme, often at the detriment of his own feelings.
I believe his willingness to see the best for everyone comes from the Akuma!Mana incident as well. It is hard to believe that finding One Gentle Person after years of being abused would change Allen’s view this much. But i think seeing something like gentle and sweet Mana being turned into a weapon of Mass destruction, and then see this repeat itself with others people, knowing that Akuma were people just as desperate than he was, people who loved so hard, that they called onto a soul who hadn’t asked for it to be turned into weapon: would have Allen see that there must be something good into anyone. That if an Akuma, a weapon of mass destruction, could be just a suffering soul being chained into life because they were loved too much, then what about anyone else?
I think understanding the Akuma the way Allen does have him reconsider the way he sees everyone else. That everyone has their chains that bind them to the world. That some of those Chains are heavy and can turn people into assholes to stand it, to stand this life they were chained into. But there’s still a soul behind the chains and Allen wants to believe in it. I believe it’s a way also to hold on to the last memories he has of Mana, to keep it as a positive figure in his mind, rather than an already twisted creature. And that’s why the humanity and salvation of the akuma is so important to Allen to start with.
By humanizing the Akuma to that extends, Allen can push his compassion to anyone else. So imo, i don’t think it would have happened had the Akuma!Mana incident not happened. It’s likely it is that bad in canon as well because of his eye only: perhaps if he only ever saw Mana, he would have developped differently, but seeing all those Akuma’s souls made it impossible for Allen to ignore it. The moment he sees a soul, he sees a story there; he sees a person who was loved too much and was chained back into life to commit horrors. And from that point on, I think that compassion just become a reflex.
So as such it makes sense Allen extends that to anyone else. Suman becoming a fallen told a story about why he became this way, of his relationship with the Innocence, of his suffering with it. Meeting the Light part of Tyki first had Allen sees all sides of him, and know that Tyki was duty bound to the Noah as well, and that people cared for him. And if Allen didn’t extend this compassion to Tyki per se, he would have had to the people who loved Tyki because he knows what loss feels like and he doesn’t want anyone to go through this.
I find it harder to word than i expected welp but yes, i agree with all you say, and y e there’s just. a lot to Allen. and imo his whole viewpoint comes from he sees Akuma to start with. Mana was his greatest influence in general.
allen breaks my heart ;;-;;
Take care!
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I feel I have done little but to attack the Christians right and left who actually looked out for my body as well as spirit and kept me company when no one would and inspired me not to lust or get in political arguments or strain every muscle-fiber and sweat every drop to displace an immoveable object and for their trouble I am basically mad at them for what they have that I don’t - your wife, your muscles, your training, your past, your firm footing in life, where you’re going. I just lack passion and affection and neighbors / friends and more passion, try to be ‘technical’ about everything, preaching about good relationships and sacrificial generosity. I read ‘The Meaning of Marriage’ and realized that husband and wife could be one flesh - it clicked - but IDK why I tried to share this.
All these novel-ideas and I like to set up sentiments and situations but then too I feel as if Korea is practically my only reality - a if, like I said on my last night, ‘This is the first thing I gained’ - and now the present absence or distance is the ‘operative condition’ of my life or the ‘keynote.’ I also realize now that I fell in to the Millennial / Miles Klee (in past) habit of sophisticated coastal elites writing evocations of ‘wholesome’ Midwesterners or Southerners, with the implication being that they will sooner or later become - to take a short leap of intuition - media, or, education. I guess Kent Haruf is all about this where the characters are defined by adultery or trying to play the white knight or I had a thought of ‘Teacher Dream’ where all these utility clerks pushing in carts and I felt glad at first to remark to myself I am carrying multitudes of learning but then felt sad I wasn’t doing anything much but muse about what I used to be. I got in the habit of trying to open bout my personal story / narrative concerning Christian belief but now some people won’t even stay on the phone if I mention NK and play games about anything. Am I a drug pusher? I wasn’t even asking for money, just expanding on my interest as the other person had expanded.
I don’t thik it’s not even a big deal - Milwaukee could get nuked or attacked by neo-Nazi’s with bombs and assault weapons with all these mixed-race marriages and adoptions and I know for a fact Wisc’s got neo-Nazis all over. Nuclear war! Not a lot of manufacturing left in some areas or farmland, just old buildings and human souls. Everyone was starting to believe that C-19 was over but then Delta and I started to remember everything from ‘16 and how my spirit wants to drive as fast as possible around be prepared for welcome our angelic invaders / victors (literally); I felt as if the heavenly military have hair-triggers and just open fire if they see sth they don’t like.
I had tried to elevate my understanding of the Midwestern soul or the customary ‘course of life’ in terms of male self-consciousness or expectations-versus-outcome which in retrospect was not as comprehensively smart as I had liked to believe but only beautiful and pleasing to the intellect. My ideas about the Midwestern novel helped make me a friend but in retrospect I don’t know why I even tried to get in to the genre when my whole image of life is here just somehow being and/or being with Koreans.
I feel sometimes as if I don’t really know anyone and for a long time my main character has been some clone or graft of my brother. I’ve lost my standards. I just look at all the world going by. Maybe I ought to just pray and write poems for a while since I have a sense of what is going on or at least what I hope will soon be happening.
I keep reading books too and I bought up all the books I could then got rid of them.
I had been living in a case of ‘eventually’ for years and didn’t realize the Covid ‘revolution’ or Delta would suddenly appear and I would be regarding ‘last things.’
I keep wondering whether I ought to talk about Korea or Asians at all. It’s - they are - my one hit-you-up lapel-grab button-hole and tell tell tell. In this time of wanting to give away one’s best I am like pine-tree, ‘far away and over there,’ beautiful and intense. People back away from me.
I wonder whether everyone feels as confident as I do in their understanding of what’s going on right now in history - and whether it’s even useful or even acceptable to talk about it that way as it sounds like total Marxism. Anyway I was talking about Satan and Judgment and I mean it 100% literally and I saw it and recognized and heard the word for it, ‘Judgment.’ I wonder whether Tolstoy in War and Peace was 100% confident in having the character label Napoleon anti-Christ and who’s the instantiation or manifestation of anti-Christ today if that is ‘dispensationally appropriate / valid.’ I read Coronavirus and Christ numerous times and feel it cannot be quite the last days but then since when does David J. Johnston not believe that he likes believing? But sincerely and fully who’s out there saying anti-Christ stuff like oppressing religion? I feel I’m only against false religions but then I go around being not very loving to anyone and only excuse myself - ‘an excuse is twice is a lie’ - by dint of that no one ever opens to me here. [relationship is no]. Sleep on street in K-Town LA just if I’m in LA I want a projectile weapon.
...Who’s the one saying everyone can be together today and religion is bad? I almost feel it’s Anglo America with Christopher Hitchens (St. Theresa bad, alcohol good, nuke North Korean ‘dwarves,’ making special stipulations so that not only can he not live a believing life but ‘if I die and want God that’s not me’), Johnson acting like he understands everything; America(?). I remember when I read the Obergefell opinion there was the phrase ‘love that lasts beyond life’ or something. It made me think of stones in Egypt and stuff or the Middle East(?). I wonder am I a terrible person just for having certain pure ideas? People appear to look at me and go like, ‘Solzhenitsyn, Hobby Lobby,’ just attacking others’ values wile I’m really a misogynist casual rapist.
I’m just trying to supply some narrative for why I came to crystallized convictions after years of studying and writing. My friend said ‘pastors who study porn are disgusting’ which I agree with but then part of me is like there’s evil everywhere; someone’s gotta study war, pornography, weapons, fat people ~ but I see like no good; I see ‘image-aspirations’ and ‘identitkits.’ She wanted me to teach AmLit which I felt like it sends all kinds of confused messages that lead to disappointment and all of these Rutgers girls believed they were Jane Austen and that’s again why I say send your daughters to Bethlehem Seminary and just learn from OT NT faithful women b/c the rst are literal ‘Gossip Girl’ that I can tell or it’s just sad but I don’t wanna be Norman Mailer and attack the corporate cool girl - Generation Alpha’s rising and here I am coping, depressed they just wants sports-based instructional design. They appear to want nothing or IDK; pressure their parents. Am I just seeing the same narrative again about the MS cafeteria, the Lunchable someone has and I don’t and I am ‘special’ and feel ‘proud’ if not a ‘solemn pride’ that my mom gave me healthier foods but then believed I would get the big-ticket items we were saving up for - it’s ancient history but part of why I lost my mind and nearly my life in quest of a) personal glory or vindication that I’m not like others and b) ‘educational justice’ or ‘fairness’
I remember how when I first lived in South Korea I was reading St. Augustine partly because it is interesting and lovely and talks about the reading life and growing up, love-failure,’ parents’ weird maniacal greed and impatience to become grandparents, and incredible things about history and the heart and pedagogy and basically everything, which is why I feel as though ‘Confessions’ but also ‘City of God’ are covering the whole sky right now, people rediscovering the actual existence of sin, the violence of history (which some are lip-licking for), the ways in Time and in Eternity...
At that time I felt reading ‘Confessions’ and much else made me better than others or that ultimately I was not required to deal with some people or look at them that carefully nor wonder how they got to be the way they were as I could just stay with my books and have consolation and uplift. I wanted to write my own ‘Midwestern novel’ with the title ‘And I Will Give You Rest’ and the topic of coping, basically or abandoning desires and ambitions. My other novel ‘Commitment’ is going out the window I’m afraid since the desire or intention it reflects is rapidly coming up to me as reality. On Grace to You the description of ‘rest’ included ‘lack of apprehension.’ I also felt that since my parents and younger brother appeared to be night-terminally obstructing my aspirations through unlawful backhanded means I would include my ‘confinement’ I might as well ‘mix in Eastern and Western characters’ and talk about the present world-situation but it’s still fiction at a terrible moment in Time and I sincerely feel that America and England are defending values and ideas that aren’t even really good for anyone. Kindness and gentleness and rights and non-enslavement to the state and absence of a state religion such as in NK (from what I can tell), are excellent, but chauvinism, complacence, some aspects of procedural and parliamentary governance.
I also remembered how at 27 and then 34 I’d fall asleep when I saw someone really beautiful. One of these people made me feel lost without resources and the other gave me a notion of living love.
I feel as if my whole life is actually one story which circles around a dream I had in 2015 about birth but also involves this beauty of holding love; honestly I do not know why else I am still alive as I have contributed so little economically.
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lord of the flies | mock trials
hi everyone!! i played jack merridew in my senior year mock trial, and i had a really hard time figuring out how to answer anything because there is literally no sources on the internet to even slightly help jack defend himself. there is a few, yes, but they’re mostly written by sixth graders or the opposition, so i decided to help all the jack merridews and the defence team lawyers of the world by posting everything i wrote, answered and behaved as jack. i should probably announce right away that my team did not win the mock trial, but that was because the character witnesses we had besides me were not prepared to be cross-examined, so this is also a friendly reminder to tell your buddies to pick up their slack!! jack can’t do it by himself.
Direct examination:
1) Summarize your childhood.
I was born to a rich family who often spoiled me with materialistic luxuries, and sent me to a PEDAGOGIC education facility on top of the additive tutoring classes, however, due to my diligence in my work, I did not have a single friend, as a friend would have “tainted the teaching” as my mother used to state- i did not have much of a social life, at least until i became leader of choir.
2) Why did you leave Ralph’s tribe?
I left Ralph’s tribe because his way of leadership wasn’t fun at the time.
(rules (make this! make that! collect fruit!, meetings.)
3) What was it like under Ralph’s leadership?
Ralph was rather drab as he listened to mostly piggy’s ideas. (conch, uhh, rules, uhh, can i get a number 15, burger king foot lettuce
4) What happened on the night of Simon’s death?
At the start we had prepared meat to be eaten. I supplied even Ralph himself with meat. Nobody objected the meal, except probably andrew, and after the feast we did our dance and we saw a dark figure moving in the bushes. Alarmed, we attacked. Afterwards, we found it was Simon.
5) Why did you become chief?
I became chief because the lifestyle I offered was more appealing to the boys than Ralph’s. No prepubescent boy wants to spend his time lugging around materials for huts or picking coconuts off trees.
6) What was it like when you arrived to the island?
It was unUSUAL, like it would be, for any one of the boys. I doubt anyone wanted to crash-land onto some mysterious island. ← this is a really weak answer idk
7) How did you start to feel after spending some time on the island?
I felt better about the situation. It was clear that we needed someone to lead, so I offered to do so.
8) Can you tell us about the events leading up to Piggy’s death?
We had taken piggy’s glasses because we needed them to start a cooking fire to feed the tribe. Afterwards, Ralph’s group came to come get them back. After some heated conversation, Roger got too riled up and triggered the lever that fell onto Piggy and the conch.
9) How did you adjust after you returned back to civilization?
(something along the lines of: when i got back to civilization, the presence of adults and rules led me to return to my civilized self)
I did go to an approved school, after I saw the contrast of myself at home and on the island, which I did continue until I was a young man. After the island, I can safely say that I did return to my old self. (say that without the governing of laws or adults we had all descend into savagery?)
( it helps so so much to memorize your affidavit. )
Affidavit:
SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED KINGDOM
LONDON, ENGLAND
GREAT BRITAIN )
)
Plaintiff, )
)
vs. )
)
JACK MERRIDEW, )
)
Defendant. )
_____________________)
For a verdict of Innocence
Hello, my name is one I’m sure you’re all familiar with; Jack Merridew. I am the accused of this case, for which brings me to a type of desolation but which I acknowledge fully. For the purpose of the court, I have been asked to prepare a small insight into my life, prior to arriving on the island, and after the incidents that befell upon all of us.
I’ll begin as early as my memory allows; I was a promising child, born to a affluent family. My parents were good to me, and I had a sheltered childhood where I did not have much chance to experience the outside world; they carried me into my adolescence, for which I respect them deeply. I always did well in school, attended tutoring classes to refine my skills, most of which required me to be very focused, which broadened my book smarts, but restricted crucial knowledge of basic human behaviour. And most importantly; I always got high grades in choir, which eventually found me to become the leader of the school choir. I had to order the other boys to do tasks often, which was quite a different experience than I was used to, and I figured I was good at it after some time.
Naturally, when we arrived on the island, due to the fact I had already had experience leading, which Ralph did not, I felt it was necessary to appoint me as the group’s leader. I felt unsettled when I did not originally gain power, because I then believed I had all the traits necessary of a leader. Arguably, when I did obtain leadership, I was a leader of questionable practices. Perhaps this was because I was so used to the laws and order of the society I had been groomed into that I became overwhelmed when I suddenly had to create my own. On the island, we were forced to take actions in our own hands, and make decisions for the group instead of the individual, which sometimes doesn’t parallel with what’s ethical. After my experience on the island, I pleaded my parents to send me to an approved school so I could forget the island in sort of skewed way, to which I attended until I was a young adult. Now I exist as a quiet young teacher, working in the same area I had grown up in-- London, that is-- I teach history and also instruct a single after school music class. As I aged, I felt a growing sense of remorse towards those wronged on the island, but not once did I ever feel as if I was indebted to them nor their families.
In my experience leading the boys of the island, I had to experience many tragedies that I feel sorrowful towards but not liable for... I am mainly being blamed for the situations because of my position of power over the other boys, which I understand. As an eyewitness of the events that came upon the island, I feel responsibility to give my truth to the story.
During my time on the island, I was subjected to many unfamiliar situations. for instance, the death of the child with the mulberry birthmark, the first tragedy to come about. The child died, presumably from the fire that had accidentally devastated a small part of the island while we attempted to make signal fire. This is where my questions arose for the usefulness of the signal fire that Ralph pushed so insistently began.
The second death was Simon’s. Simon’s passing was the result of ignorance on our parts. We believed he was the beast, we had limited vision due to the darkness of night and Simon was crawling through the bush, where we could not possibly see. Simon’s death, although a terrible occurrence, was not murder; we simply had no idea. Finally, the death of Piggy heeds a similar answer; we hadn’t the simplest clue that he was to die, as Roger pulled the lever and Piggy, without his specs, could not spot the boulder in time to move out of the way. Although we had nicked Piggy’s specs, We had no idea that this would have been the cause of his untimely demise, therefore I cannot claim responsibility for something that was not my doing.
Character Sketch:
Parent’s names:
Mother (Anne Taylor Merridew, maiden name Millar)
Father (William Merridew)
School attended prior to the island : Westminster Abbey Choir School (London)
School attended post-island : St Peter’s school (York)
Age on the island: 14
Age now: 24
Past residence: Monck street, house no. 12
Current: Tufton street, house no. 102
I am playing Jack Merridew, a fictional main character from Lord of the Flies. In the novel, Jack is portrayed as a very hard-headed, aggressive young leader with a lot of spite built up in him for Ralph and some of the other boys on the island. He preys on weakness, and dislikes societal order. For my own entertainment purposes, I have distinctly chosen Jack to hide this side of him and have the appearance of a very reasonable, calm man who wants nothing but resolve between himself and the families that feel wronged by him.
I intend to play Jack to have very indifferent behaviour. I’ll make it so that Jack appears to be very analytical and calculating, conscious of his own actions, but on the inside he actually doesn’t care that much for the deaths of the two boys, because they are seen as an irrelevance to him, especially since he doesn’t think their deaths were caused by him. Jack will be quite sure of himself, but not cocky, as he wants to appear as if he’s had a huge humbling from the island, although he perhaps really hasn’t changed that much, aside from being more discreet about his callous ways.
Jack will have some quirks, like blinking when he is faced with a question that he knows he can answer perfectly, and he will have a tendency to smile and stare directly at those prosecuting him to show his confidence, especially if they’re asking him a question he doesn’t think he can answer, so he doesn’t show his nervousness. Jack, deep-down, may have more insecurities than the other boys. He needs reassurance and safety, and without it he feels like he’s walking blind.
pointers:
+ be vague in your answering, but not too vague. the only thing they could object to during my cross-examination was my contempt of court, e.g: dancing around the subject, not answering and adding a bunch of random things to the answer, like; “it was a beautiful day, the sun was out--” i’m a writer so i had to try really hard not to do this.
+ do not show nervousness. it’s really hard to be confident on the stand, but you should try your best. there is usually a reason that the teacher chooses you to be jack!
+ at the end of the day, remember that this is just a class project. i probably had ten million panic attacks the days leading up to the mock trial, and that’s not ok. if you need someone to give you peace of mind, my message box is open!!
#lord of the flies#lotf#jack merridew#lord of the flies mock trial#mock trial#school#education#ralph#simon
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★ ★ ★ ★ ★
:O!!!
I’ll take this as asking for five facts about five characters bc im currently waiting for all/most of the items to unlock on my current zoo tycoon game and idk what to do to kill the time besides this sO:
Character 1: Skift (bc I dont talk about him enough)
1. Skift is a very ambitious person. One of the main reasons he enlists in the army in Majjikku is in hopes of some day becoming a war hero. He’s also easily influenced by other peoples’ approval or disapproval, despite how adamantly he would insist otherwise if you ask him. Hence why he wants the validation of being a household name and a hero in the history books.
2. The other main reason he enlisted in the army is because he absolutely despises his family. I’m still working on the kinks of his backstory but the jist of it is that he comes from an extremely large family with a neglectful mother and an absent father. He and his other siblings around his age were raised by their elder siblings, but Skift had the misfortune of having a personality that completely clashed with theirs and often got in fights with them, that sometimes even turned physical. As soon as he was old enough to enlist in the army, he left home and headed to the nearest enlisting center (which unfortunately was several days away since they lived in the middle of goddamn nowhere, but he makes at least)
3. Skift has no real education, living in the middle of nowhere and not having anyone to teach him skills. When he was younger he got along with his siblings better and was able to learn basic math, and of course he can speak fine, but he probably can’t read very well and anything besides basic addition and subtraction is a mystery to him. Having said that, illiteracy and a general lack of scholarly knowledge, isn’t uncommon on the Parity side, as they have the very minimal requirement of laws and government required to run a government. (Literally you can kidnap someone and as long as you give them adequate shelter, food, and water, and you dont abuse them or anything, the “police” wont do anything about it)
4. Skift gets a strong rush while in the middle of combat. Adrenaline does good things to his psyche and as long as he doesn’t suddenly realize that those were real people dying on the battlefield, he’ll be in a good mood for the rest of the day after a Parity victory. He’s not bloodthirsty, but he does get uncomfortably into it when in the heat of battle, even if he has to watch the person he’s killing die in front of him.
5. Skift in a way is supposed to be a sort of clueless libertarian/anti-ally who isnt a bigot. Like, think a white person who doesnt believe in systemic racism but wouldn’t discriminate against a person of color because the whole reason they dont believe in systemic racism is because its bad for the economy. (Which, it is, they’re right about that lmao). I dont know entirely what I’m planning to do with that concept because I dont know if I, as a very dumb white person, have the ability to play with racism/the concept of colorblindness like that, but I hope I can do SOMETHING with them. Either I’ll need to educate myself or I’ll just change that trait to being dumb about politics in general, I dunno. (Because he doesnt really care about the politics of Parity vs Halcyon, he just agrees with the Parity because thats all hes ever known.)
Bonus fact bc I had too many: Skift is pretty heavily inspired by the design of an old warrior cats OC I had named Falconstar/Falcon. He’s not exactly a dead character (I dont do anything with Warrior Cats anymore but if I did, he’d be on my list of potential characters to reboot, altho i dont know if id have the heart to take him out of the universe/AU he’s from…) but I feel like their personalities are different enough that they wont be mistaken for one another. Also Skift has a stupid scarf.
Character 2: Phillip (or is it Lenny? Idk I think I changed it to Phillip)
1. Phillip is also from Majjikku, I should mention, but he’s a part of the Halcyon side. The first thing I should mention is that he’s a prince, and 3rd in line to the Crayking throne - he has an elder brother who joins the army with him, and an elder sister who stays behind to keep the kingdom safe with their aging parents. I believe they also have a younger sibling or two, but they’re too young to be politically important. Anyways, its worth mentioning that the only reason Phillip was sent over her sister is because he’s an inadept spoiled brat, and the Halcyon side was asking for at least two members of royalty to join their ranks to form an alliance, so Phillip was sent alongside their actually combatually adept elder son. The Halcyon sent Phillip to the “less useful” soldier training camps, while his brother was able to ascend straight up in the ranks of the army. Since arriving in Halcyon territory, Phillip hasn’t seen his brother once. (It’s worth mentioning as a side note, the Craykings only allied themselves with the Halcyon side to protect their own necks. They believe the Halcyons have the upper hand in the war, and want to be on the right side of history when the war concludes. And they dont have the strength to stand up to both sides; the Halcyons have promised to protect their underwater empire from the Parities due to their allyship.
2. As I mentioned, Phillip is an inadept spoiled brat. Years of coddling in his palace have turned him into a demanding asshole who makes jokes at the expense of others and has overly high expectations from others, despite thinking he himself deserves to sit on his ass all day. There’s a deep reason for it, as there is for all my characters, but there are so many layers that caused him to act like this that at this point it’s just become his personality.
3. Having said that, Phillip grew up in an environment where acting nice was more important than being nice. Who cared what you did behind closed doors, so long as you put on a presentable front? He’s extremely charming and sociable in big social events, often making on-point jokes and contributing in a seemingly meaningful way. In fact, he’s arguably even better at it than his two older siblings, since they have opinions of their own and aren’t just a mindless robot for their parents to interject their thoughts and opinions to. Phillip is very good at regurgitating what he’s been told, and has a very flawed and honestly nonexistent sense of self because he has never had the freedom to make his own opinions. Or rather, he was told how to act and feel, and he never had the strength that his siblings had to make his own opinions on what was being taught to him.
4. Phillip wears a fancy bowtie and he refuses to take it off for unexplained reasons. There’s no deep reason to it, I just like bowties.
5. Phillip believes that both of his elder siblings are more adept and intelligent in every aspect. He respects his parents authority over the kingdom and part of why he acts like a jerk is because he legitimately has no idea what he’s doing and would rather die than inherit the throne. He knows nothing about politics, despite his entire life being politics (in more ways than one). The good news is that it seems like if something happened to both his elder siblings and his parents, it would probably go to the next sibling below him, even if they were still under 10 at the time.
Character 3: Glitch
1. Glitch REALLY needs a new name but I’m currently trying to come up with an idea of how Glitch could mean something different in their world (Majjikku, I should clarify), but right now im empty-handed and please help me.
2. Glitch is blind, or at least has significant sight problems. I think. I dont know, I really need to develop Glitch more. Maybe he just needs glasses like I do and without them everything is hella blurry but at least he can get around.
3. Glitch’s species is often used as horses in the Halcyon army due to their obedient nature and high intelligence for a species that generally isnt considered “sentient”/having human intelligence (I know sentient isnt the right word, hence why I clarified). Glitch’s species does have human-like intelligence and capabilities, having the capability for empathy and compassion and self-realization just as much if not more as other Majjikku species, but they generally lack in vocal and academic intelligence. Glitch is unusually vocal for his species, a mutation that comes up in packs of the sauropod-like species every now and then. Because of this and his sight problems, he was put in the same “lesser” squadron as Phillip, instead of the same training the other young from his herd were given.
4. Having said that, “unusually vocal” for his species is still very quiet most of the time. He has a strong understanding of the words of those around him, stronger than most of the rest of his species (although they can comprehend language, just not as quickly) and can articulate full sentences in a reasonable amount of time, he just prefers not to. He also can’t go on half-an-hour-long rants about things because he would run out of words and brainpower very quickly, which god I wish that were me because I will talk until my mouth falls off and its 3 am i s2g im not even exaggerating.
5. Glitch has no understanding of the war but as his herd is encouraged to help the war effort, as opposed to being forcibly taken (which was outlawed and deemed unethical when more and more offspring like Glitch started popping up), he supports his side and would gladly die for it. Also he loves his friends, even Phillip.
Character 4: Aquarius
1. I love Aquarius!!! Somehow she became my favorite Majjikku character and idk why. She’s got cool pants, thats probably part of the reason. Anyways Aquarius is Marble’s best friend in the series; they become fast friends on the train to their squadron when they begin talking about their similar experiences in being dragged away from their families and forcibly enlisted in the army. (Is it horrible to enlist 13 and 14 year old kids in the army by force? It absolutely is, that’s the point; I dont take my characters being young teens like most stories abt young teens do, I’m well aware they’re going to be fucked up as fuck and I’m exploiting that for all its worth.) Aquarius came from a big family of 5 with an absent mother and a nonexistent father, where her elder sister raised herself and then raised her. Unlike Skift, Aquarius became very close with her eldest sister, although they both share a resentment for their parents because of their shit awful parenting. Aquarius was forced to join the army because her three younger siblings were too young for the army, and her eldest sister had to stay behind and work a job and care for the younger kids, something Aquarius knew she wouldn’t be able to do.
2. Unlike all the other characters I’ve mentioned so far, and hell probably all the characters in Majjikku in general lol, Aquarius actually supports the Halcyon for what they stand for. Obviously with her absent mother and father, Aquarius and her siblings needed a lot of financial help. Thankfully that’s what the Halcyon system was built around, and the government was able to get Aquarius’s eldest sister a stable well-paying job and the entire family enough money to get a decent place and pay for food for a while. The government still monitors their family regularly to make sure they arent squandering the money and that everything is going okay, but they did far, far more good than harm. Aquarius believes that this is the best form of government; a form of government that on a very personal level cares for its members and helps them through hardships, and forces them on the right path. In our world, she’d be a socialist through and through, if not a straight-up communist. (Having said that, I do believe Aquarius would have different political opinions if she grew up in our world. The difference between our world governments and the Halcyon government is that the Halcyon government…actually gives a shit about people. Most of the people who work for the government are volunteers, who at best get a small place to stay and some food. Like, the Halcyon actually help 99% of the poor population in the Halcyon city. The amount of financial aid given outside of the city significantly drops, but in their city, being homeless and poor is illegal but instead of throwing you in jail for it they’ll help you get out of it. If you squander it then you’ll end up in jail, but still. Idk what Aquarius would believe in differently if she grew up here, but I dont think she’d be a straight-up communist because we have too many failed communist governments in our history.)
3. Aquarius and her family’s coloring is very odd for her species. The bear-like species that her family is made up of is generally brown, red, yellow, orange, tan, white, gray, black, ect - normal-ish fur colors. Blue, at least to the extent that Aquarius and her family have is nonexistent. It is likely that she and her family have a small percentage of an aquatic species’ DNA, such as a crayking, in them.
4. Aquarius loves being supportive of other people and listening to and relating to their struggles. She’s actually a pretty good motivational speaker and is a pretty great friend. She’s great and I love her. Also the pants.
5. Aquarius clashes a lot with Shade, another character in her squadron. I’m not giving Shade his own section but the reason is that he’s an overly negative character, constantly throwing shade at the Halcyon side and complaining about training. However, once she realizes the reasons for his dissatisfaction with his current situation, she stops calling him out when he says stuff against the Halcyon side. She does start to debate her own opinions a bit after that, and has a lot of long conversations with Marble about it in their shared bedroom. (If anyone’s interested in Shade feel free to send me another star asking about him, or reply to this post or w/e! otherwise ill just keep it a secret lol)
Character 5: Grace
1. Thank god, a character that isn’t Majjikku-related lol. Anyways Grace is the embodiment of a rebellious teenager. She doesn’t listen to any authority, goes out of her way to do bad things, and will purposely disobey what you say even if she doesnt want to do the thing she’d have to do by disobeying you. The whole reason she gets involved in Spirits’ plot is because she knows taking money from a stranger to play with the laws of science and reality would be firmly in her dad’s list of things she can’t do.
2. Speaking of her dad, he’s a little bit of a dick. He’s the reason she’s so disrespectful towards authority. He’s basically just a stereotypical religious nut; anti-gay, anti-transgender, anti-atheist, anti-anyone who isnt christian, anti-drugs, and he even enforces some form of gender roles. And he’s very vocal about these things. He tries to be a huge helicopter parent, but Grace can and will avoid him, ignore his punishments, and stay out so late that her parents cant yell at her for disobeying them. Her father is very vocal about his displeasure and downright hatred of Grace sometimes, and ever since she started questioning his words when she was a young girl, he’d yell at her for it. Her older brother isn’t too great either, but he’s more of an annoying slouch who plays video games all day instead of working than a legitimately bad guy.
3. Grace believes she’s straight because she has no interest in being sexual with a woman, but she’d be totally down with kissing and cuddling and being romantic with a woman, hence why I identify her as a biromantic heterosexual. She’s also the most sexually active of all my characters, which no I will not elaborate on that, not because I dont feel comfortable with it but because I dont know how the fuck that works. (Also side note, I headcanon things in my own stories so I like to headcanon that at some point Grace and Shawn get together and they can be all romantic and mushy n stuff together but Shawn’s totally okay with Grace going out for one night stands with guys so long as she stays safe. Obviously they talk everything out to make sure everyone is safe and okay with the relationship, but Shawn’s pretty okay with it; she’s pretty used to Grace having sex with no romantic attraction involved, and ofc Shawn isn’t into sex so she doesn’t feel like it’s a problem.)
4. Grace is closer with her mother than her father, but although her mother is very much a mediator and acts very kind and forgiving to Grace, Grace still kind of despises her. Just because Grace’s dad is a dick doesn’t mean she isn’t too.
5. Grace’s spirit form is a bloodthirsty wyvern with major anger problems. Each of the kids’ spirit forms have a slight personality outside of the kids themselves, and Grace’s is bloodthirsty and destructive - not intelligently so, but still. Most fo the kids’ spirit forms are pretty mindless and just mindlessly destructive, except two.
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there’s a lot of things about me that are fucking absurd and really cool, so when ppl ask me to tell them about myself, i break em out immediately (”my family heirloom is a severed head named oswald,” “I can see disney studios from my house,” etc)
but just bc im bored and I feel like it, here’s some stuff about me that I dont think I’ve ever really talked about? not secrets, but just...mundane things that I don’t really ever say in favor of Ice Breaker™-type things
I have a profound respect for mail services. When I was 7-8 years old, we watched a documentary in class about how the postal system works, its history, and about the various jobs involved. It was an extremely formative experience for me. I don’t send a lot of things over snailmail and so I’m not really sure how to express my respect and support but it’s definitely there. Unfortunately, I’ve yet to play the FallOut game where you’re a mail carrier, but I wanna... I wanna.
Though I’ll claim to the ends of the earth that sports confuse me, I am a huge speed-running enthusiast. One hobby/interest/self-esteem exercise I have is that I really like to learn jargon/lingo involved with...anything, really. So I started watching speedruns to pick up the lingo and I just...became infatuated. I’m no expert but I’m %100 into it for more than the lingo at this point; I’ve long since got that covered. One of my favorite parts is golf-clapping along with other fans when something cool/impressive happens.
I can’t sleep without a hat on. A beanie, specifically. When I was, like...5 or something, I was terrified of vampires, and for some reason I thought vampires bit the skull and not the neck. So I pulled my blankets up over my head at night. My parents thought this was dangerous (I might suffocate) so they gave me a hat to protect myself with. I’ve long since outgrown my fear of vampires (and learnt that they don’t typically bite skulls) but I’ve associated hats with nighttime safety for so long that I can’t fall asleep without one. In the event that I don’t have one, I can wear underwear on my head to suffice...and I think I wore a stuffed animal once somehow but idk.
I’ve had my SPiN in genetics for so long that 5-year-old me used to infodump strangers at the grocery store. When I asked where babies come from, my dad got me a picture book written for kids specifically to answer that question. We still have it; my brothers used it, too. It starts by explaining pollination and then extends the same concepts to dogs and then humans. Most of the information is on pregnancy and fetuses rather than sex, and cell development immediately caught my fascination. I asked my parents for more information about this and they gave me some more microbiology stuff. Combine that with my animal obsession + budding interest in heredity and you’ve got a tiny obnoxious geneticist who wouldn’t stop telling random people in line at the grocery store about how chromosomes are passed on through haploid cells. Dad got real smug about it, it was fantastic.
On a similar note (and I have no memory of how this actually happened), I more or less learnt to read spontaneously? All at once? Again, I have no clear memory of this until the part where I can read... My parents read to me every night but I never was able to do it myself. I had a huge library built into the wall at perfect me-height for reading. One morning, the summer I turned 5, I (according to legend) walked up to my parents, got their attention, said “I’m going to read now,” and then (this part I do remember) sat down and read every single book in that library over the course of two or three days. Super rough estimate, but it was somewhere between 70-200 books, with a variety of target ages ranging from 3 to 10-11. No chapter books, all pictures, but the second I was finished I wanted more books. My mom took me to the store to buy more and insisted I get a chapter book since I’d burnt through the picture books so fast. And that’s where I got my first Warriors book.
That was not the last time I read an entire library. In 7th grade, a friend of mine and I both had sex ed previously and so were allowed to skip that year’s sex ed on the condition that we spent that class in the school library. And together, we read the entire thing. Only what was on the shelves, though; nothing in the back. Actually, at one point on the last day, we’d already read every book in the place and we were bored, so we pulled some books out of the back to look at and none of them caught our interest. One of them was the first Hunger Games book WAY before it got popular. We’d never heard of it, both read the first 2 pages, didn’t like it at all, and put it back. You should’ve seen our faces when it suddenly blew up into a huge thing. The sad thing is, I remember a lot of books that I enjoyed but can’t find now because I can’t remember any specific titles or characters. We sped through everything to finish it all and didn’t really take a lot of time to absorb details so a lot of them are lost to the vague, hazy back of my memory. Still looking for that manga where the ninja kid...stops an evil scientist from...some kind of virtual world machine. There’s a piranha tank? And then the bad guy...gets sniped by a helicopter and falls off the roof, or something? Also there was a manga version of Maximum Ride, which I only remember by name because 2 chapters in it suddenly hit me that this was a comic version of a text-novel my mom was reading at the same time. I bought a handful of books from that library at the end of the year and still have them.
I’ve only been in one play but something fucking sweet happened during production. I was Malvolio in Twelfth Night because, and I quote my drama teacher (who had known me for 8-ish years at that point and also who was smirking her ass off when she said this), “You’ll see why when you read the play.” She was not wrong and to this day that smug fuckin grin gives me life. Anyway, I was Malvolio, and you know that “Some have greatness thrust upon them” speech that everyone’s so inspired by? That speech is a fucking prank pulled on this asshole and it’s about bangin’. So the scene is that I dramatically read this “””love letter””” I’ve received and then run off to go embarrass myself. The speech is LONG and so I asked if I can just...actually have it written on the letter. And she said yes! So I wrote it down with intent of reading it off the letter. But opening night, the actress who was to place the letter grabbed the wrong paper and so I got just a blank sheet. Guess fucking what? We’d re-choreographed that scene so many times the night before that I slammed that shit anyway, word-for-fucking-word. And I was never mad at my friend for grabbing the wrong paper, so I say this in jest, but her punishment for grabbing the wrong paper is that the entire cast/production team did not hear the end of my pride for the entire week. For a timeframe reference, I was 12.
When I was a kid I had a horse named Emmy. She was a rental horse. Actually, I think she was a pony? The way the rental worked was that she lived in a barn with a bunch of other horses. Her owners were a small business who gave riding lessons, but instead of just riding each session, one of the horses was “yours” (assigned by age, height, and temperament, not picked by the kid) to take care of while you were there and ride consistently every session. Essentially, she was only my pet when I was on the property. I can still ride but I’ve gotten rusty and I can’t do anything above a trot for more than a few seconds. Both times I’ve jumped have been accidents, once on Emmy and once on mom’s current horse, Meteor. I’ve fallen only once, and it was off Emmy. Mom’s going to be getting a gigantic thoroughbred soon and I’m both terrified and excited to ride this very large boy.
I talk about this in person but not online because...why would it ever come up online?? I have worn the same style of red jacket every single time I leave the house since I was a pre-teen. It’s to the point where people will only recognize me if I’m wearing it. I had a friend in high school who was/is a really cool guy, we were seniors and we’d been close friends since freshman year. I had my jacket tied around my waist because of the heat. The school had two campuses a block apart and I was walking from one to the other to get something. Friend was walking from the other to the one, so we passed each other. Wordlessly. No wave, nothing. I was tired, it was hot, I didn’t really think anything of it. Then suddenly, a foot behind me, he freezes dead in his tracks and says my name with some kind of stricken shock. He had no idea it was me. At all. Keep in mind: my jacket? Tied around my waist. Not even off, just around my waist. Since then I’ve used this jacket thing to my advantage. Sparingly, I can take it off to sneak around. It’s like I’m invisible to people I know unless I say something and they hear my voice. It’s incredible.
Going back to speed running, way before I knew that it was a thing at all, I taught myself to speedrun two games: The Lion King (PS2, not the impossibly hard one) and Putt Putt Saves The Zoo. As they were unofficial speedruns that I didn’t really call anything and just kinda did when I was bored, I never timed the latter, and I only timed the former once using my mom’s kitchen timer. It was a rough estimate since sometimes I paused and forgot to hit play for a few seconds, or I needed to pause but didn’t for a few seconds, and the timer only counted full minutes anyway, but I still remember the time: 35 minutes. I keep meaning to go back and re-teach myself to speedrun it, perhaps more professionally, and time it with more accuracy. I still remember all the strats but I can’t pull them off with as much fluidity as I could when I was still in practice. I also can, when watching both Lion King 1 and 2, still point out with frame-perfect accuracy exactly when a scene starts that was a cutscene in that game.
wow writing this was fun and I kinda wanna do it again. ok
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August 14, 2016
When we left high school I was lost, and I didnt have any hop of meeting friends. I didnt want to get close to anyone because I was too mad at you for not being there. Little did I know that you were looking out for me by keeping your distance. Although I felt as if I deserved to know, I still carried on. So much, that I even Tattooed “Dont ever change” because you told me not too. And I did change. I became something I wasnt. Ask everyone at JJAY, they always knew something was off about me. It was the fact that I didnt have you. And they all noticed that when you came, you were all I needed and the empty void was filled. You talk about that picture, it wasnt even about the picture. It was the fact that for once I felt like you were pulling away from me because of Riyad, and I still do. One day you guys will get close because that’s how you are. You tend to care. I hated seeing that you kept trying to make sure he ate and all of that because it took years for us to get to that level and it took him less than a month. So when I got shut down I felt shut out. Like you have no clue what it means to me that I even get to experience it. You send these vibes that cause all my muscles to contract, and slowly release into a peace I cant get anywhere else.
You talk about suicide, and believe me I know we all have our moments. But after what I told you? You feel guilty bringing it up? Yes I love her. But cant you see how much I need you. Suicide has been on my mind for years, everytime I drink. I want to hit things to make sure I can feel. You feel worthless? You have parents and a family who care. I do to, but not like that. Imagine all of this, Farishta, my ten year secret, everything Ive done, school, friends, my bros, videogames, work, and the gym. Do you know what kind of burden that puts on you? No, but thats not my point. My point is, that regardless of how heavy the burden may get, you keep me in check. I do it for you. I keep going because thats what you would want. And im sad because I cant do the same for you. May allah take your life today? I look up, and say “ see you soon” to Vinny, my grandfather, and even Farishta.
You have no idea what you mean to me. The pain? I dont care if it never subsides. Aslong as I have you. So I’m fucking sorry im acting like this.. because I feel like.. im losing you.
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Alvin you don’t understand how much I get this. I feel just the way you feel. But you’re not understanding what our conversation was about. You bringing up high school and college is what we’ve built on. This is something what we’ve been through. Your tattoo and everything you mentioned is the base of our relationship. What you’re telling me is something I’ve been appreciated and still do. And I understand where you’re coming from. I feel like you’re making me feel so bad by mentioning our past. Our past is beautiful and we’ve built from it and what you’ve done for me is what I’ve built on. For you to bring this up right now though during our argument has no correlation. You’re brining up our past and then brining up Riyad the next second. You mentioned how easy it was for Riyad and I to get close in a month. One month with me is nothing. Four to five years with you means everything. We’ve literally attached our lives together. That’s where our effort is. That’s what will always bring me back to you. Riyad and I have nothing, and I haven’t even spoken to him all day and it’s funny because I actually forgot until I went though my messages. Its not about one month. It’s about the history and depth that we have that I will never have with Riyad.
I guess I should’ve spoken to you about it. I wish I would’ve seen that but just understand that I saw it in a different point of view. You got the idea that I shut you down but I wish you can see the amount of respect I was giving to Raveena and you breaking the promise. Now that I know it’s okay to bring it up I will do so. Each time we go through something like these we learn from each other and where our comfort zones are. We’re still learning from each other and you’re teaching me how to get to you in better ways and that’s what I want. It put me in such a position where you broke a promise and here is a girl who went though something a human should never have to go through. I was in such a position I didn’t know if I should bring it up. But now I know that I can. We hadn’t gone through a specific situation where it’s our significant other involved. And trust me you don’t need feel shut downed because I have literally had this in the back of my mind since you told me.
And honestly the only reason why I keep going and I’m strong each day is because I know at the end of day I want to spend it by speaking to you and not ever missing another moment of ours together. That’s what I hold onto. So don’t be sad that you can’t do the same for me when in fact you are. And that’s the honest truth. And for the record. You’re not loosing me. You never will. Even when I die. I’ll be haunting you.
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On the phone:
I’m jealous. You know that. Didn’t know what to do. Jealousy caused me to be funny with everyone. Bothered me. Brushing it off. Tried to. It’s not that serious told myself to relax. I can’t lie. It bothers me. I can’t find a way around it. Something I have to deal with on my own. Can’t say anything to change how I feel. I don’t get it. So I don’t except me to get it. Idk makes me feel like you want to talk him. I’m not gonna lie. This is going to put a wedge between us until I figure it out. It wasn’t about the picture. That’s the way my mind was working. Convincing myself to be different. Kept being disappointing. You’re everything I’ve always want. Hard to admit. But it’s true. It’s me. I don’t think anyone else had an impact the kind you have on me. It’s so foreign. I get what you have to say. The message you’re conveying I get. Idk what else you can say to change what I feel. I can’t do much else. Who I’m with you is someone you wouldn’t want. When I was distant there was way more. What happened when you become uninteresting. I can’t say that you can say that to me and mean it. I was mad at myself. Can’t change how I feel.
The whole thing with raveena. I don’t want to talk about it. I learned today about a person in a position of power can only understand his life if he looks at two directions at once. Past and presence and future. I get it. I told you that stuff in confidence. The reason I drank is not only you. It was everything else. No one saved me. Not even you. I was gone.
Suicide. At a point you don’t know what it’s like and know that they did that because they felt unloved. You’re not unloved you know that. I’ll give you a 110 and all if you needed it. I’ll give you all. I really don’t know. I decided this Riyad thing distant thing if it puts a wedge between us I can’t do anything about. What’s done is done. I’m exhausted. Don’t have time to be mad. Don’t have time to think about this problem I’ll think she lied she’ll keep me from being hurt don’t keep things from me. I don’t want you here if you’ll keep things from me. I just don’t. That’s not how I work. I give you 110 all the time. I only did it with you. I kept my distant from all these people because only one gained my trust.
You’re not some hoe. I genuinely love you. There’s a feeling when I think of you I can’t explain. It was a test for the picture. I wanted you at the same time. When I look at you I close my eyes or where ever I am I think of us I get goosebumps. Feelings that make my muscles contract cause it consumes and I’ve never felt it with anyone else but you. I gave up once I felt like you were pulling away. If I feel like this insecure worrying about texting Riyad or not I guess it’s worth it if I have you right that’s all I gotta say for myself. Not much you can say because it won’t change anything.
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All 👏 45 👏
I know a few people who might have asked for this and @ all of you: thanks nerd 😋💕
1. Have you ever been in the hospital?I mean…I have 2 chronic illnesses and zero spacial awareness so yeah 😂 plenty of times 😂
2. Answered
3. Answered
4. Best comeback you’ve told?As if I’d actually say anything outloud!Honestly I don’t remember much so I wouldnt know if I had!
5. Are you sassy?Not really? Sassy just seems like another word for rude half the time, at least when I’ve known people who declare themselves “sassy”.Tbh youd have to ask my friends?
6. Are you good with makeup?I can create realistic war wounds in less than 5 minutes but I can only do good eyeliner on the 3rd sunday of every second month and if theres a full moon.So…it depends on what sort of makeup 😂
7. Whats your gender?I go by nonbinary? But honestly I don’t know bc thinking about it gives me an existential crisis.Tbfh I wish someone could decide for me I’m so done trying to figure it out smh!
8. Whats your sexuality?/Technically/ I’m bisexual but as I’m not attracted to boys (at least I don’t think so) I try to avoid that label. Normally I just use gay/queer.
9. Answered
10. Answered
11. Answered
12. What was your first fandom?Probably twilight 😶
13. Whats the length of your hair?Idk? Like, short but also getting too long atm lmao
14. First OTP?The first couple I was invested in was probably bella and edward in twilight. Please don’t judge me.
15. Answered
16. Why did you sign up for tumblr?My friend kept talking about it and I wanted to know what I was missing lol!
17. Whats something you regret?Not standing up for myself more, for sure. Because it’s just left me bitter and angry at people and now I can’t say anything because it’s too late.
18. Favourite vacation memory?BRUGES!!!! The best place honestly!!! It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been 👌 and the architecture 👌 it was amazing 👌 I need to go again!!(If you want a specific memory I almost got run over by a nun on a bike 😆)
19. What do you think about when going to sleep?Depends how I’m feeling? If I’m stressed or worried or whatever then whatever is bothering me.If I’m not then I daydream. Make up unrealistic things? You know? We all do it….I think!
20. Whats your phone/computer background?Two are galaxies and my lockscreen is pupcake lmao
21. Whats a natural talent you have?I can make every situation awkward 😎👈Um idk, i have a good memory if I really need to use it! Im not sure tbh!
22. Have you ever gotten in a physical fight?Not that I remember…and I think I would 😂
23. What are words that you remember?I have a couple of lil things that get me through the day. But like, the main one that stops too much from bothering me is my mum always told me to pick my fights. So that’s what I do.
24. Answered
25. Whats your follower count?On this blog: 858In total: 1342
26. What are your side blogs?I have a spoonie blog and a mental health blog, then one thats basically a kaitlyn alexander fanpage 😂
27. Whats your youtube search history?Top 3 atm:-steal is heavier than feathers-haley kiyoko-stfu pink guy…sounds about right
28. Ever comitted a crime?Nope!! Don’t think so anyway!
29. Answered
30. Have you ever been toxic?I don’t think so and I’d like to hope not?I’d say when I was younger I maybe wasn’t so good at being a friend or whatever sometimes? But I wouldnt go as far as toxic.
31. An embarrasing moment?👏👏👏 This thing that happened from when I was born until now. 👏👏👏Umm lets see: getting caught yelling I have condoms by half the teaching staff and not being able to talk to my chem teacher for a month; having both legs go dead and falling headfirst out of the school hall; forgetting how to highjump, headbutting the bar and landing in a human knot in front of 1000 people…The list is endless
32. Answered
33. Do you have any OCs?Okay so I urban dictionaried OC and still dont know which this means so:-no I dont have oxycontin-no I dont watch the OC-yeah I have original content 👀
34. First URL?@hedgehog-of-the-llama-hedge👏 well done 14 y/o me 👏
35. Nighttime routine?Multitask by texting people and watching TV; realise I haven’t been watching the TV and have no idea whats going on; cry; go to bed.
36. Morning routine?Eat; spend a whole hour staring blankly at my wardrobe; put on the same outfit as yesterday; go to school.
37. Have any toys?Assuming this means in /that/ way then no.But sure I have lego 😂
38. Favourite toothpaste flavour?….mint? Is there another?
39. Answered
40. Worst sleepover experience?I. Hate. Sleepovers.Mostly because I like sleep to be fucking honest.So just everything. Being woken up at 4am by the smell of bbq flavour crisps; being hit by a inflateable amputated leg; being in a room with 5 people farting.The usual.
41. What was your first date like?Ummm? I think we just played video games the whole time and listened to music.It was chill but can’t say it led to much given it was with a dude (but I didn’t realise I was gay then so I just thought maybe I’d like him more with time and all that bs so we did date 😂 whoops)
42. Answered
43. Answered
44. Can you sing well?I can just about hold a simple tune on a good day but thats it.I mean I once auditioned for a singing role in a school musical and got given the one part with No Singing, so then I didn’t even dare try for like 10 years lmao!But I’m starting to becomee p shameless now so I’ll sing anyway.
45. Answered
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