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starvity · 9 months

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— ☆ sides zb1 only show when they’re with you

gn!reader x zb1 (ot9)

genre: fluff, drabble // warnings: insecurities, jealousy, a bit angsty for gyuv and yujin

author’s note: this was such an interesting request and i had so much fun thinking about what to put for each member!! (★ω★)/ [requested♡]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ jiwoong - his funny side

okay i’m not saying jiwoong isn’t funny usually but he would be the FUNNIEST when he’s with you. he's most of the time someone kind of serious and reserved in public settings but then he would suddenly whisper a funny comment (that only you heard) and you would have to fight internally to not burst out laughing. some other time, you’re just getting ready to sleep, already cuddled up in the blanket while waiting for jiwoong, when his silly side would appear. like he would be brushing his teeth then he would start running around and doing some handstands on you idk???? he’s just a silly guy

ੈ✩‧₊˚ zhang hao - his protective side

hao loves himself a good princess treatment. he would always use his puppy eyes to get whatever he wants from you and you both know it, that you can never win. and that dynamic works for your relationship!! but then sometimes you appear in front of hao looking a bit more tired, stressed, or sick than usual and it’s like something switches in his brain. he will treat you like absolute royalty, that being by doing the chores, giving you a massage, cooking for you, cuddling with you? ANYTHING YOU WANT!!! that always happens when you’re away from him too, walking home or coming back late from a party. he will come pick you up whenever he can or at least ask you to facetime him.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ hanbin - his jealous side

i am certain that not a single person on this planet can dislike this man. he is loved by everyone and everyone knows him. when you two go out on a date he would usually be the one to meet like 5 of his friends on the way. but today it was your turn to randomly meet one of your old high school friends in a store. naturally, they come to hug you and keep an arm around your waist while you two catch up on each other’s life. suddenly, you feel hanbin’s arm slide around your shoulders as he pulls you closer. "i’m their boyfriend, by the way." he says, with a smirk on his face and his eyes turning dark.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ matthew - his insecure side

matthew is your biggest fan. he will always hype you up, telling you that you’re the most beautiful and amazing person he’s ever met. he will brag about you to his friends and talk about you to his family all the time. but when you do the same for him, he immediately gets shy, saying that it isn’t true and that you’re doing too much. you frown, repeating that he’s just perfect and he shakes his head again. you cup his jaw with your hands to make him look at you. "you.are.amazing.matt." you repeat, kissing his lips between every word. he lowers his gaze, a pinkish color settling on his cheeks "you really think so?"

ੈ✩‧₊˚ taerae - his calm side

dating taerae can be a bit exhausting sometimes (especially if you’re introverted) because this man YELLS. like it’s not even that he does it on purpose most of the time, he just has a really prominent voice. he would be playing video games online with his friends and he wouldn’t even hear how loud he is screaming because of his headphones. you throw a pillow at him, monitoring a "silence" motion with your index finger as you were trying to take a nap. after mouthing a sorry, taerae delicately turns off his computer, puts his headphones aside and takes his guitar before sitting next to you on the bed. he strokes your hair, apologising with now the calmest voice before he starts singing you to sleep with his sweet voice.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ ricky - his attentive side

you don't even try to figure out what's on ricky's mind sometimes. he would start talking about some random subject, then starts talking about another, then another... he himself would be distracted with his own words when he's talking to you that he would need to get quiet, blink a few times and let out a "what?" before laughing and trying to focus again. he can be easily distracted but he is also really observant, especially around you. one day he started talking about all the little habits you have that he finds endearing and you realised that you weren't even aware that you had half of these.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ gyuvin - his serious side

one thing about gyuvin is that he's always going to make fun of people. and you being his partner gets the WORST treatment. he was on his phone when he suddenly laughs, shoving it in your face. you were horrified when you saw the ugliest picture of you sleeping and started begging him to delete it. he continues laughing as you try to snatch the device out of his hands but, again, he was too tall. without even you knowing, tears roll down your cheeks and the expression on gyuvin's face completely changes. he takes you in his arms, stroking you back and apologising over and over again. later in the evening, you two had a deep conversation and he asks to set boundaries because he never wants to hurt you ever again. (he won't stop making fun of you though, as far as you allow him <3)

ੈ✩‧₊˚ gunwook - his cute side

mister giant baby thinks that his role is to protect you no matter what. he thinks he always need to be tough, and that you're probably just dating him to open jars and carry heavy stuff for you??? "can i be the big spoon today?" you ask, opening your arms for gunwook who had just showered after coming back from practice. he looks at you confused, at first disapproving because blah blah he's the big boy here before sighing and placing his head on your chest. you suddenly see his eyes soften at the sudden contact as you pull him closer. gunwook hums contently and closes his eyes. "not so bad , after all?" you chuckle while stroking his cheek with your thumb. "shut up~" he whines in a cute voice, hiding his face in your neck.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ yujin - his emotional side

you know that it is not easy to read yujin like an open book. and since he's also pretty new to the whole relationship thing, he finds it quite hard to express his emotions, especially around you. you were studying in yujin's room while he was practicing his vocals in the bathroom (the acoustic is good, apparently). and you were so focused on studying for your next test that you didn't hear nor see the door open a minute ago. "can i talk to you?" yujin's voice startles you from across the room and you gulp nervously, inviting him to sit next to you. he suddenly leans his head on your shoulder and your hand naturally comes up to pet his head. "i feel like i haven't been doing really good lately, with my vocals and dancing... and like i don't know if i'm even good enough..." you listen attentively to his worries and reassures him that he's doing great and that you're proud of him. (might have teared up a little).

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powerfultenderness · 10 months

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I am so, so thirsty for neighbor!Konig and I humbly beg you for the following request; reader has secretly been hard core cramming online German lessons, and Konig says some stuff (lewd or otherwise) that she ends up understanding. Maybe she teases him by saying something back to catch him off guard and make him flustered? Idk but I just spent an hour reading all of the series and im heart needs more to survive

I'm so happy that you're enjoying the series! I liked this idea so much! But I ended up changing it a little bit, I hope you don't mind!

Nothing really happens, but König does say something a little horny, so I guess this will be [rated Mature 18+]

“What, are you going back to school?”

You jolted from your studies and looked up just in time to see a friend join you at the table in the break room. You laughed as you greeted her. She was almost right, it certainly felt like you were in school again! Your lunch was pushed to the side, nibbled on, while you were hunched over a notebook and your phone.

She leaned over the table a bit and took a glance at your notes. “Why German?” You sighed, you needed a break anyways, and started to pick at your food. “Just trying to impress the hot neighbor.”

“Ooh, is he German? And how hot are we talking?”

“Austrian,” you answered with another laugh. “And very.” Sort of? Well, even if you had never seen him without some sort of hood or mask on his face, he was still a fine specimen of a man.

“Want me to help you?”

“You know German?”

“I studied German for years in school and spent some time abroad in Berlin.”

You narrowed your eyes and hummed as you tried to translate her words. “You said: I something, German, something something, Berlin.”

Now it was her turn to laugh. “Oh! I know just what to teach you!”

Bzzt!

You picked up your phone and rolled your eyes before sending a quick text.

König didn’t like it. All night you were half paying attention to him and half paying attention to your phone. “Who keeps texting you?” He finally slipped, unable to hold back the slightly envious (ok maybe a lot) question anymore.

“Sorry,” you winced at how rude you were being. “Just a friend from work. She started to help me with a project and thinks she’s sending helpful tips.”

Just a friend from work! It didn’t sound like someone he had to worry about (though he wasn’t sure if you were also attracted to women, and so didn’t completely write off this friend just yet). “But her advice is not helpful?”

You scoffed and shook your head. “Not really. She’s jumping the gun. She’s thinking way too far ahead.”

"Hm. Well, perhaps I can help you?" Anything to get you to pay more attention to him.

"Oh, König," you were about to tell him that it was unnecessary, after all you wanted to surprise him, but your phone buzzed again. "You know what, that would be great." You tucked your phone between the couch cushions as if that would stop your friend from texting you.

"Yea? What can I do?"

You hummed before smiling at him, an idea coming to you. “Can you say something in German?”

“What? How will that help?”

“Well, it wouldn’t really help so much as distract from-” your phone buzzed, a little quieter now between the couch cushions, just on time. You smiled and gestured to your phone, “from that.”

He chuckled and nodded, “alright. But, what do you want me to say?”

“I dunno, something…nice?”

König glanced away from you to the television, whatever was on was long forgotten by both of you, as he thought about what to say. Something nice? He could write a whole book of nice things to say about you. In whatever language you wanted: German, English, maybe even a bit of Korean that he picked up from Horangi. But what to say? That you were one of, if not the, kindest people he’s ever met? That he noticed how you were frightened of him at your first meeting but you pushed that fear aside because of that kindness? Or that he noticed you liked puns, and would seek out the corniest puns just to hear you laugh? No. Maybe he should tell you that you are the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid eyes on? Yea, that was nice, right?

“Hey,” you interrupted his thoughts in a soft voice before you settled a hand on his knee, which he hadn’t even noticed that he was bouncing his knee a mile a minute until you stopped him. “I was just being silly. If you don’t want to-”

“What! No!” He shook his head, “it’s not that.” He paused and looked down at the hand you were still resting gently on his knee, then looked back up at you, eyes shining underneath his hood, and took a deep breath before words began to quickly tumble out of his mouth.

“There is simply too much for me to say, I could not decide! Everything about you is perfect! Even the not perfect things! Ever since you moved here, I have not been able to stop thinking about you! You are on my mind all of the time and I don’t know what I would do without you!” “Whoa! Whoa!” You jerked back at his sudden outburst. “Slow down!”

He shut his mouth so quickly and hard that the snap of his teeth was nearly as loud as the tv.

It was quiet for a moment, the two of you just staring wide eyed at each other, before he started again. “I am sorry! I-” “No! No, I’m sorry. Like I said, I was just being silly and wanted to see if I could understand anything. You know, after hanging out with you so much…”

“Oh…”

Another beat of awkward silence.

“Did you? Understand anything?”

You laughed a little sheepishly. “Uhm. I’m pretty sure I can guess what “perfekt” means, soo,” you looked around, trying to spot something perfect and snapped before looking back at him with a grin. No you hadn’t understood much, but you could lighten the mood with an overly ridiculous answer. “So you must have been talking about…dinner? My stroganoff is great, I mean I wouldn’t say perfect, but-”

He started laughing, dragging you into fits of giggles too, and leaned in a little closer to you, elated that this time you did not pull back.

“So, was all of that actually nice?” You asked once your laughter faded out, though you still smiled up at him.

“Yes. I can only think of nice things to say about you.”

Oh! Nothing could stop the goofy smile that crossed your face, not the butterflies in your stomach, or the way your heart sped up, not even the blush that heated your face. Still you decided to cover up your sudden over acting nerves with a touch of humor. You played up your reaction, one hand over your heart as the other tapped his arm playfully. “Aww, König, you’re so sweet!”

He gently caught your hand, running his thumb softly across your knuckles. “Should I try again?”

“Hm?” “This time I won’t speak so quickly.”

Him holding your hand like that was not going to return your heart rate to normal! Still you smiled at him, a bit shyly, and gave his hand an encouraging squeeze. “Sure.”

“You are very beautiful.” He started, but your soft smile turned into a grin and he paused.

“Aww, you think I’m pretty?” You tried to downplay just how intimate this was starting to feel.

“Beautiful,” he corrected as he took his hand from yours and gently held your chin so that you were looking directly into his eyes. “Stunning, actually.” You were especially cute when you looked so flustered like that. He gently traced the bottom of your lip and leaned in even closer, his voice dropping to barely above a husky whisper. “And I want to see these pretty lips wrapped around my cock.”

You squeaked out a tiny little gasp and pulled back from just enough for his hand to drop.

König froze. “Did. Did you understand. That?”

“No!” You quickly shook your head, eyes darting all over the place before settling back on him, though you could no longer hold eye contact. “What, uhm. What did you say?”

Oh. You were a bad liar. Good to know. He wished he hadn’t said that. He wished he hadn’t said anything! Maybe he should have never come over in the first place! Why was it so hard to say no to you?

“Nothing!” He abruptly stood up. “I have to go.” He rushed to the door and nearly ran out, but at least stopped himself long enough to wish you a good night before fleeing.

“Ah, König!”

But he was already gone. For a guy that big, he was certainly fast.

“Oh, shit.” You muttered to yourself, heart still loudly pounding in your chest as you dug your phone out from the cushions.

You pulled up your texts and scrolled through the many, many, English to German (or vice versa) raunchy translations your friend had been sending you. Sure enough, between her translations and König’s words fresh in your mind…

“AHHH!!! I THINK HE JUST ASKED ME TO BLOW HIM!!!!” You sent off a text to her and finally remembered to breathe.

Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.

“Lol! Are you sure? What did he say? I’m calling you.”

It’s a whole week before you see König again. And you both awkwardly pretend like your last encounter never happened. And you both desperately wish that it hadn't ended.

[Neighbor König Masterlist]

Tagging: (let me know if you want to be removed or added)

@warrior-of-justice @cumikering @ihateuguys

#anonymous #neighbor!könig #könig x reader #könig x fem reader #konig x reader #i'm getting slower!#so sorry!

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 21 days

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WIBTA if I send in screen shots to someone that made a callout post about a former friend?

Please read this entire thing before your decision. I understand the "blurb" may make me seem like a backstabber and someone you wouldn't trust, but I have my reasons I'll detail why this person is a former friend.

I'm a former friend of someone we'll call Marie. Marie, idk how to explain it, but she kind of didn't care about anyone but herself. Anytime someone would talk about something she'd make it about herself and it was very annoying. Marie also would make a lot of us uncomfortable at times. She said some racial slurs to us various times and claimed it wasn't racist. One was towards me and I asked her not to, basically I told her she can't call me a slur because she's white and made me feel uncomfortable. The other was some Irish thing I had to google because our friend who is Irish was uncomfortable and I'm still horrified with what I saw.

Marie would reblog my vent posts on tumblr a lot. None was ever to console me. One was where she reblogged and said "this would be a good ice breaker for a date." I did go off on her since at the time I had such a nasty break up and my vent had absolutely nothing to do with that. Now here's the issue, besides reblogging my vent posts, someone archived her reblog of my vent posts on the wayback. Multiple ones. I contacted wayback, but they said they only delete archives if the blog owner makes a statement on their blog. For reference, i have had multiple chronic stalkers and Marie was very well aware of it. So I already had wayback not allow archives of my blog because one stalker was using it to archive everything on me online. So a stalker found a loophole in the form of Marie. Now, this was before Tumblr had allowed us to disable reblogs. So no jumping to the comments saying it's my fault when this was years ago before that function was available. So, Marie refused and told me its whatever and if anything they were probably archiving her edits despite all of the archives on her blog had my vents she reblogged, like every single time she reblogged it got archived.

Now lastly, Marie was one of those people who would never celebrate anyone's victories. It was so weird, someone could say "oh, I got a new camera for my photography" and she'd say something like "in 3rd grade someone shat on my camera, so I never got a new camera". It would make stuff so awkward and make us not want to talk in our discord. I got a scholarship one year she decided to go to school (she was 12 years out of highschool) and she lost her financial aid in one semester because she didn't do any of her school work! Yet somehow "the government picks favorites and doesn't want to pay people that deserve it". Her words, I was very offended since she knew I worked full time, was a POC, and was not eligible for financial aid. Let me have the scholarship win without making it about you!

So one day I just blocked her everywhere after I deleted the friend discord we had. It wasn't right after, I waited over a year and became more and more distant. She did contact me again, but surprise surprise, she wanted me to help build her a website for her "oni-sona". I declined and we haven't spoken since.

Now the callout part. She has a callout under her new alias and it has her previous too. In this callout it's talking a lot about how she treats people like shit and uses them for her own gain. It details as well to not support her or any of her projects because she steals (idk about that, I've personally never witnessed it, but I'm believing OP because everything else is true.)

Now, would I be the AH if I submit stuff to add to the callout? I was just going to send in how she reblogged my vents and someone archived them on wayback and she refused to contact way back to delete them despite knowing I had stalkers. Maybe I'll submit more stuff, but not caring I had stalkers is my biggest gripe and something I think should be added since she allowed my stalkers to do that.

#aita #am i the asshole

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spencerreidafterhours · 2 years

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*.~The Best Kept Secret ~.*

•Warning: 18+ (kind of idk) Discussion of smut

• Spencer Reid x Reader

~*Penelope finds out about you and Spencer’s… ‘relationship’

_________________________________________________

The best kept secrets of the Bureau were mainly tucked neatly in the filling cabinets of basements, locked in protected online forms, and in the minds of their loyal employees. But despite the cesspool of government information that swamped the organization, the most shocking had to be that Spencer and Y/N were fucking, at least it was to Penelope.

“I can not believe it, Y/N L/N” Penelope gasped for what had to be the 10th time.

“Why is me having sex such a shock for you Penelope” You laughed equally confused and entertained.

You knew that Penelope was hyper intelligent, but you still couldn’t believe how’d she’d been able to find out about you and Spencer’s relationship. You both made an intentional effort to seem natural around each other and keep things separate. But according to Penelope, it was obvious you guys were doing something. With the quick glances, intense eye contact followed with blushing and the way everything Spencer said all of the sudden became hilarious to you.

“It is not just you having sex, it’s you having sex… with Spencer! You guys are having real sex right, like he’s been inside you”

“Stooppp Penelope!!” You wrenched “Yes, I don’t know how else to say it, we’ve had sex!!”

‘Had sex’ in the since that it has been a weekly ritual that has been going on for a month and will probably continue this upcoming Friday

You still do not really know how this became a regular thing. You guys weren’t friends with benefits, at least you didn’t think, and you weren’t a couple. The situation-ship between you and Spencer was a secret that was not exactly ready for the world to know; because quite frankly, you didn’t even know what the secret was.

Is it the fact they were having sex or was it because they were coworkers in an inappropriate relationship, was the relationship inappropriate because they had feelings, did Spencer actually have feelings for her, did she really have feelings for Spencer, and if so where would the relationship go?

The whole thing spiraled when thought about too hard. So keeping it just as blissful moments that you replayed every night before going to bed or the times you’d let you mind wonder away from whatever case you were busy on.

You liked thinking about the way he’d look at you with those big nervous eyes, hair draped in loose curls, breathing heavy. How’d he moan into every kiss. His shaky hands as he’d undressed you.

You crossed your legs getting excited just thinking about it.

“Penelope you can’t tell anyone, ok?!”

“I know Y/N, I’m not”

“Not even Morgan”

Penelope let out a disappointed sigh “not even Morgan… but you can’t just leave me in the dark about this. Like I’m curious” Penelope paused and leaned in and sort of whispered “is he good”

You face got flushed and you could feel your heart pumping out your chest. “Yes” you said smiling trying your best to keep eye contact with the floor. “Really good”

You both let out an almost school girl laugh. It was fun and a bit of a relief to finally talk to someone about your sex life.

“What have you guys done” Penelope asked with a playful nudge

“I don’t know. Just things” Penelope gave you a glare that was truly not satisfied with your poor description.

“We did it in his car one time”

“Ahhhh Y/N L/N you freak”

The car was just so convenient . You’d ask him to drive you home after work and he’d park in front of your apartment. You’d entertain his weak conversation that he’d start in attempt to make you stay, he’d talk about articles he’s read and science facts (really unsexy things that are only sexy because it’s Spencer). He’d stare at your lips and you’d catch him. Then all of the sudden you both were breathing hard and leaning in closer and making out. It might of been easier just to do it in the comfort of your own home but you thought it was hotter in the car (and so did Spencer).

Sometimes you’d act like you had to go or you’d say something real coy like ‘what if someone sees’ just to hear Spencer beg you to stay. You’d ride him, or give him a blowjob, or climb in the backseat. If it was really good you’d have a second round in your apartment.

You could tell Spencer wasn’t that experienced by the way he’d approach everything with so much shyness. It was like he had to fight himself just to ask you for something he clearly wanted. But his lack of experience didn’t seem to affect his performance.

You’d think he’s bruised your cervix with the amount of times he hit it. All you could do was gape your mouth open and grip whatever was near when he’d slide into you. He’d look at you with innocent eyes and breathlessly ask “does that feel good”.

It’s hard sometimes to come to work and look in the eyes of the man who’s dick was just in your mouth a couple of hours ago and act normal. But you found it kind of flattering when he’d make eye contact with you during one of his presentations and he’d start adjusting his boner.

It was nice to have Spencer, for sex yes, but to also just confine in. It’s hard to sleep alone after those hard cases and it’s comforting to have someone right next to you when the night seems extra long. Spencer also once gave you a whole spiel about how orgasms are actually good for sleep because of oxytocin or something (his pillow talk is getting better). Truthfully, you’d hope whatever you and Spencer had wouldn’t end.

“Oh Y/N your growing up” Penelope said “next thing I know you’ll be taking a pregnancy test with me”

“Alright Penelope let’s not manifest that” you said with a nervous laugh

A nock was heard on the door, you both turned and speak of the devil himself it was Spencer.

“Hey Penelope have you’ve seen the paper wo-” he stumbled over his words making eye contact with you and he cleared his throat “the paper work for the case last month”. The air in the room shifted and all of the sudden everything was really awkward and you were getting sweaty.

Penelope gave you a knowing smile “no, but I think Y/N can help you find it”

Spencer looked at you, scanning you face and body “do you know where it is Y/N”

“Yeah umm I think it’s down stairs” you said getting out of your seat trying to avoid the knowing eyes and smirk of Penelope burning through your skull.

“Will you show me…where it is …downstairs” Spencer said adding more awkward to this conversation.

You just mouthed yeah and tried your best to ignore Penelope as you exited. “Have fun” she said laughing maniacally as the door closed.

“What was that about” Spencer asked putting his hands in his pocket.

“Penelope’s just in a good mood” you said rolling your eyes.

“So are we still on for Friday?”

#criminal minds #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid headcanon #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader

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literallyaflame · 4 months

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Adrian. For fuck sake. You can't tease a death-faking story and then not deliver. Please man, I'm begging you.

this involves more than just my dumb ass, i don’t know how to tell it while preserving the identity of those involved? i’ll give it a shot, i think it’ll be okay

i was a sad, sickly fuck in high school. i completed my diploma through an online program because i had a plethora of medical issues. i was also fairly isolated at the time. didn’t have a lot going on. mentally ill, agoraphobic, the works

but i was also—somehow—a theater kid, and thus knew some of the most extroverted people on the planet. one of them made it her mission to reintegrate my dumb ass into society after many months of isolation, and thus invited me to go out with her and her friends. i was like. sure, whatever. (it took her a while to break me down but that’s a different story)

so she puts me in this group chat. and i meet this girl. let’s call her angela. angela was like. are you—fuck i gotta give myself a fake name too. “are you alex van rosendale?” i was like. “yeah that’s me.” she was like “from fuckface high school? with george glass?” i said “yeah sure am”

she was not normal about this information. i was confused. turns out, though, she was relatively new to the friend group. she was ALSO, crucially, dating a dude who used to have a crush on me (i’m a guy now but i was Girl Presenting at the time) in high school. and by “had a crush on me” i mean “stalked me.” he stalked me. like, he showed up my house to watch me sleep through my window. several times. he only stopped because i threatened him with violence (wasn’t gonna call the cops, we were all poor as fuck, this is the south, acab etcetera)

we met. she looked at me like i was a space alien. i looked at her like she was. a confused person, because she was. i foolishly thought “omg this makes perfect sense, her boyfriend probably said that i was a dumb slut who refused to get with him. or something. who knows.”

well

a few weeks later she says to me “hey can i talk to you”

turns out, for the entire YEAR-and-then-some they’d been dating, this dude pretended i was his dead ex girlfriend. according to him—we dated, we were in love, and then i died horribly in a car accident. he wept over my photos in front of her. he showed her my unused Facebook account that just had, like, one post saying “i miss you” (from when i left school on account of sickness disease). he used my legal human name. the works.

i have no idea how he thought this would not backfire eventually, but after a while, she happened to meet me. through sheer, dumb luck

somehow they didn’t break up over this (bro idk) but they broke up later, thank god. that’s the end of the “some dude faked my death” story but how fucked up is that

#kinda drunk rn

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lemon-towne · 3 months

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HOLDEN PREVIEW TIMEEEEUHHH

Okay so I’ve realized that I’ve never given yall anything else abt the Michael book (book? Idk maybe an online fic or smthn) other than the potential covers for it

Needles to say I felt bad and so to make it up to yall I’ll post a small snippet of a part in the actual story so here yall go <3333

(Be nice bookie this is a draft, a really rough one so don’t expect a whole lot.)

___________________________________

“It seems as if you take the things I do for you, MY SON, for granted. Michael I just don’t understand, you’re right; I don’t. But you blatantly refuse to talk to me when you have a problem so how am I supposed to know if something is bothering you?”

She looks at me with a blank expression after that. . .expecting me to answer wrongly. As if I don’t know what I’m talking about.

As if I don’t know how I feel.

“Because you never bother to ask.”

I pause.

“I don’t tell you things because you never even bother to ask. When I do open up to you, you feel the need to tell me I have nothing to be upset over.”

I remain in the same place, just standing there. . .looking down at my mother.

“When I come to you, you lash out on me. You tell me to ‘Just be happy’ to ‘look on the bright side’ or better yet ‘I’ve been on this earth longer than you have, what do you know about the world? You’re still pretty young!’ Well I’m fucking sick of it. .”

The words come out like a flood, it feels like I can’t stop! I want to stop but I can’t, they just keep pouring out of me like river.

Like a damn that was finally broken. First a few drops. . .then a small stream. . .then the rest of the flood.

“You can’t keep telling me to cheer up when there isn’t anything to be happy over anymore ! Fuck man- when was the last time you have asked me ‘How was school today’ ?”

“Don’t you dare get smart with me! Don’t you think I try my best, Michael!?”

She’s screaming now.

“I try my best as a mother to provide you with a home, a bed, clothes to wear, food to eat ! I don’t get a fucking ‘thank you for any of it !”

“Yeah! Mum I think you blatantly forget, that is the bare fucking minimum that you are supposed to do for your child !”

. . . I scream back.

“Thank you for providing the things that I needed as a child ! The shit that I NEEDED, yes ! You could’ve been utterly fucking neglectful but Jesus for you to be emotionally unavailable is just as terrible !”

This was the first time, in a long time that I have seen my mother display such raw emotion. Her face. .i can’t even recognize her face now. It’s all scrunched up and red with anger. It looks as if steam is about to start shooting out of her ears as if she’s some sort of cartoon character.

“All of the sacrifices, all of the time, pain, energy- whatever! I gave up my entire LIFE to raise you as best as I can, your father and I working for hours ! Hardly being home to make sure YOU have a place to rest your head at night ! And you’re right! What the hell do you know about living ? Normally when teenagers complain about wanted to be treated like adults it’s because they ARE being treated as such ! You’re sad ! Okay ! I get it Michael but for fuck sake stop making it everyone else’s problem !”

I had already emotionally disconnected from this conversation. .i start to walk towards the front door, not even looking at Jane anymore.

“Oh where are you going now.”

She says, her voice starting to become quiet

“Out.”

“With whom ?”

“. . .”

“Michael Alex Holden. I know you hear me speaking to you.”

I do. But I don’t say a word. .i don’t say a word as I open the door and I remain silent as I leave the house.

———————————————————————————————————

womp womp hope u like it or wtv

#michael holden #osemanverse

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jess-l0l · 3 months

Text

Get to know me:

My name is Jess (Ain’t gonna say the rest cuz it could be many)

About me!! :

I’m a she/her (maybe they but i’m still trying to figure myself out), aroaceflux, Native American (represent!! ✊🏽), I love warm colors like orange or red or yellow but cold weather? I REALLY love wojapi and fry bread or just fruits and like hot cheetos and tea :)) I sing with my moms at powwows or events as well as trying to learn how to get into/learning how to voice act :3

I have a panic disorder (also separation anxiety.) And depressive :3

I like to be on tumblr a lot (A LOT)

Things I like :

I am currently really liking Hazbin Hotel, (since 2020!) Murder Drones, Billie Bust Up, and TADC (also Lackadaisy and Darly Boxman!) Basically a lot of Indie stuff!

RAHHH MUSICALLLSSS (Six, Ride The Cyclone, Hamilton, Beetlejuice, Mean Girls, etc.)

I also rlly love voice actors (indie or whatever) and indie animators

Like Ashley Nichols or Elsie Lovelock (Also Michael Kovach)

I like to repost and like (post) a lot of things so get prepared for that!

Just message or comment if you wanna be friends or talk abt anything (I don’t give out any of my socials or numbers (depending if I actually know you are get to know you enough), I’m sorry 😭)

I’ve got 8 siblings (5 sisters and 3 brothers)

uh idk divorced parents but we aren’t gonna go into that 😝

I am part time babysitter cuz money (small town/reservation babysitter)

I am in school from 7:25-2:10 but on Fridays I have some extra work and hours to 3:45-4:00

Ask me anything if you wanna know anything else! I love to answer questions since I am a lot more confident online :)

I’m also a Christian btw and if i’m offline i’m either at an NAC event, church, babysitting, or school.

Much love <3

#get to know me #hazbin hotel #aroace #aromantic #asexual #lackadaisy

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thebestofoneshots · 5 months

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I’m about to read the new chapter of gc but I need to tell this to somebody because I’m like shocked

Ok so rant time (please give me your opinion on this btw like I’m I overthinking it or something ) and sorry if this makes you uncomfortable

But I was texting my friend and I remembered this time he said i “bring out the worst of him” and so I’m like what did you mean by this???? He ends up explaining how apparently I make him feel safe enough to be himself and not have to act normal and how he feels comfortable around me and that already had me like 🥹🥹🥹 AND THEN he said how the little time we do hang out he looks forward to???? Sobbing like that’s so sweet????

Changed the subject to him making more friends and made the joke about “what are you gonna do when I’m dead/gone” and he’s just like “cry..” but don’t get it wrong he has other friends just not many in our school. Only way he met me was because I walked up to him and pretty much said “we’re friends now come on!!!” So continuing off the joke of me being gone I asked “what if there isn’t another blonde curly haired white girl to befriend you?” And what does he say???? “If they aren’t you it won’t work. There’s only one you. And I like just you” 😧😧😧

Like ok that’s making me tear up ngl but I keep pushing saying shit like “oh well what if they’re a great friend like better than me??” And he just goes “I’d still choose you” so I remind him that I’m dead in this scenario AND HE SAYS “I’d still choose you though. I’d sit by you and rant and babble about whatever and I’d be fine with that. I can’t replace someone when they’ve already made an impact. They can be the exact same in personality but they are not you, not to me .”

Sobbing violently at this point like idk I never really thought someone could care about me like actually enjoy my presence so this shocked me. But am I like overreacting??? Or thinking to much about it??? Idk imma go read the new chapter

OK IM GONE!!!

My first instinct is to tell you: Dude he has a crush on you!

But! That's literally how much I cherish my friends, so he might just be like me and love you to death in a friendly manner. If you like him like that though, check his body language, there might be some tell-tale signs on it.

And also, I feel like we should address this because of course people enjoy your presence THAT much! Personally, I get all giddy whenever I get an ask from you, and we only know each other ONLINE! Cannot imagine how great of a friend you must be to people in real life. Having said that, I don't think you are overreacting, it always feels nice to be appreciated, especially by people in whose life you didn't know you had made such a BIG impact.

And this did not make me uncomfortable at all luv, I literally adore hearing from all of you <3

#ask lilly #lilly talks #my moots are so sweet #I love my moots so much #thank you for existing guys

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elendsessor · 2 months

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on the 8th of this month, wii u and 3ds servers are shutting down, and i really cannot stress enough how horrible that is not just on a preservation point but how it affects the future of gaming and i think the monster hunter games on both consoles put that into perspective.

ignoring the overall boom in at least 3ds online play because of how easy it is to hack it, i noticed a lot of games are focused more on matchmaking than anything and it’s depressing. while i haven’t done any of 3u’s hub stuff yet, 4u is a perfect example of why we need online hubs.

i mean aside from how wrong val habar’s hub’s gonna look without players in it especially when an entire lively cutscene shows it off, there is nothing like how hubs worked in old school. 3u and 4/4u’s hubs aren’t locked behind capcom servers and frankly it was all the more welcoming. you’re given so much incentive to interact with players. speaking from my own experiences since i still play online from time to time, the amount of people i met through and talked with in the span of 3-4 hour sessions did help me get used to actually talking and coordinating with others. learned a lot of useful tips, too.

idk there’s something about being forced into a lil hunter family for awhile that is completely unmatched. just being put into online matchups doesn’t. i feel like there’s a lot more toxicity when playing with randos period since you aren’t forced to get along. you don’t even need voice chat for it yet unless you do enable vc or you’re playing with friends, it does make it harder to connect with others.

gu’s switch servers are still up but the problem there comes from how the nintendo switch does online. first ok switch’s online servers suck ass. i’ve had more problems with it than i did with the 3ds and the 3ds is significantly older and is on weaker hardware that shouldn’t be acceptable. but also you have to pay for the online stuff in a subscription format which automatically alienates a good chunk of players. why pay for a crappy online service anyways especially when it’s a lot to begin with and people do not have that kind of money to waste anymore. unless you consistently play on a switch there is no reason to get it. i noticed back in the animal crossing new horizons days how quickly the online dies off mainly because there’s not much to do. new leaf had a hub of its own in a sense (aka the entire town), especially with tortimer island having mini games. after the acnh boom there was nothing, and really the only people who had their islands open were ones for turnip prices and if they had someone like celeste. you’d go in, do whatever, then leave.

old school monster hunter has what i believe to be the most ideal online play and the fact that it’s being taken away is genuinely depressing. there are currently work in progress 3ds servers being made, namely pretendo, but as wonderful as they are, i don’t think it’s fair to anyone that the only way you can see your online friends is through fan servers you’ll have to go through a process to even try and play online.

#i have feelings #shantien rambles #monster hunter #nintendo 3ds #3ds #nintendo

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fand0mh03 · 1 year

Note

If you’re comfortable with it could you do “while you’re on your period” with Evan Peters characters?

I love your work btw <33

Evan peters characters reacting to you being on your period

Thank you so much! This was really fun to write, especially since I’m on mine and I’m suffering :,)

Tate Langdon:

Would clean the bed sheets if you bled on them, blood clearly doesn’t scare him

He’s a total sweetheart on it tbh

Will cuddle with you as long as you want, because what else is he to do

If you have to go to school or work he’ll try to bring your mood up before you have to leave

Would be willing to watch anything with you, even Keeping Up with the Kardashians if you’re into that kinda shit (guilty 🤭)

He will listen to your favorite music 24/7 for the entire time you’re on you’re period

Since he can’t run out and get you things, he’d try to cook for you using a recipe he found online, and will run you baths

If you’re having cramps he will offer medication, getting frustrated if you don’t take it since you’re in pain, but not taking the god damn medication

He would follow you around like a lost puppy not really knowing what to do

Will either have to ask one of the ghosts (even going to extents of asking Constance) or going on the internet

Kit Walker:

He knows everything

He knows when you start before you even do

He’s got you fucking covered, diva cups, pads, tampons, period underwear, whatever you want and he’s already got three of it for you

He will be willing to go to the store for you at ANY hour

Will cook you whatever you want

Will make you pancakes

Will buy you flowers and chocolates

He wouldn’t get mad at you for your mood swings, he will listen to you

If you want him there he’s all yours (outside of work hours) but if you want him to leave, he’s out of sight ( who would want that)

He will take baths with you in hot water

He will make you tea and give you medicine whenever the writing on the back of the bottle says

Kyle Spencer:

Pre-death

He isn’t grossed out

He will gladly change the sheets if you bled on them, he would try to make sure you didn’t see that you bled through so that you wouldn’t feel embarrassed

Although you most definitely would know

He would love to give you cuddles

And would massage your stomach for you if you wanted (tbh I wouldn’t want that-)

He is a total sweetheart

He wouldn’t really know what to do, but he would run to the store for whatever you need

Post-death

he is so scared

Why are you sticking things up there?!

Why are you bleeding out of that?!

You’d have to explain to him what the hell is going on

He still doesn’t understand

It happens every month??

Tbh who doesn’t wonder these

Like actually fuck uteruses

Jimmy Darling

He can’t take time off of the freak show

Will try so hard not to react to your mood swings

Will try not to get mad at you if you yell at him, but it is VERY hard

He understands that you can’t control it, but it is so hard some times

Always apologizes though, and you do too, but he usually tells you not to apologize

He will kiss you all over your face while hugging you tightly

He will make you tea and will do anything to try to make your happier, like reading your favorite books with you

I feel like Jimmy wouldn’t like reading

Idk why, he just seems like the guy who would take a novel from someone’s hands and say “how can you read this? There’s no pictures”

If you understood that reference I love you

So this is a big deal and you should appreciate it because it won’t happen a whole lot

He’ll listen and dance with you to music

If you’re up to it

Kai Anderson:

You’re on your period? Why would he care?

He thinks you’re just weak

He wants to make a messiah baby with you, and now you’re saying you don’t want to fuck when you’re bleeding and your uterus is getting vengeance on you? How dare you.

He finds it as a sign of failure, since you’re clearly not pregnant if you’re getting your period

Since he’s so unpredictable, he may give you some cuddles when you’re going to bed, or make you sleep in a wardrobe as punishment

He won’t offer sanitary products, will refuse to even give you any or have you go out and buy some

But luckily Winter is there

Winter will try to get you anything you need, medicine, chocolate, comfort, and of course, pads tampons or whatever the fuck

Literally just marry Winter

No but can we talk about Winter

She is so mommy

Anyway

No but should I write Winter fanfiction

Evan Peters:

Will give you cuddles if you want

Will watch cringey rom coms with you if you were into that, or really scary horror movies too

Would cook you anything you wanted (or attempt to make anything)

He would also run the store if you needed something like pads

Wouldn’t be embarrassed to by pads or tampons

If he was away filming you he would call you when he could

#Tate Langdon #tate langdon x reader #kit walker #kit walker x reader #kyle spencer #kyle spencer x reader #jimmy darling #jimmy darling x reader #kai anderson x reader #kai anderson #evan peters #evan peters x reader #ahs #ahs freak show #ahs asylum #ahs coven #ahs murder house #ahs cult

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panlight · 6 months

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anon again! I was looking at Smeyer's FAQ for breaking dawn and say this bit about the chess pieces, "Breaking Dawn‘s cover is a metaphor for Bella’s progression throughout the entire saga. She began as the weakest (at least physically, when compared to vampires and werewolves) player on the board: the pawn. She ended as the strongest: the queen. In the end, it’s Bella that brings about the win for the Cullens."

I don't know that much about chess but that doesn't seem right. Bella's shield helped but she doesn't seem as powerful as Jane or Alec or Kate or whatevs who can really hurt people. Or does Smeyer just mean she's the most powerful piece on the Cullen side?

Okay here's the thing: I was a pre-teen chess champion. I was the first kid in my elementary school to win the school chess tournament both years I was eligible to play (4th and 5th grade) but then I realized that competitive chess stressed me the hell out AND was completely optional and I stopped playing. I mean other than casual games with family or no-stakes online chess with strangers. No tournaments. I'm probably no better than the average adult at this point, idk.

But I have some Chess Experience, is my point. And the thing about the queen is that yes, she's the most powerful piece on the board, but it's more in OFFENSE. She can move in any direction she wants, as many spaces as she wants. She's a powerful attack piece.

Bella's shield, however powerful, is not an offensive weapon. It's defensive. So in that sense, the metaphor doesn't quite work. Bella's value is in how she can protect HER side, not how she can attack the other side. For me, Bella's maybe more like a rook (or the castle if you aren't into chess terms). There's a special move the rook can do to protect the king (called 'castling'), kind of like shielding him. Or maybe Bella's shield is more like the entire row of pawns protecting the other pieces. The point is her gift protects her side, but doesn't attack the other side. She brings about the win because the Volturi decide it's not worth trying to fight with Bella blocking their powers, not because Bella can actually attack them in a special way.

I get what SM's going for here, and it's not a terrible metaphor, it's just not quite right in terms of what the queen can do vs what Bella does. But I get that a pawn becoming a rook or a pawn becoming a whole row of pawns wouldn't be as impressive as a visual metaphor as the queen. I think it would have worked better if she didn't directly compare it to that final non-battle, and rather more generally compared it to like "weak human (pawn) becomes powerful vampire (queen)."

And as an aside, I do lowkey resent the idea that Bella brings about the win. To me, it was a group effort. Yeah, her shield is a big part of it. But who trained her in using the shield (Kate!)? Who willed a victory (Siobhan!)? Whose centuries of friendships and connections brought these forces together in the first place (Carlisle!)? Who brought back Nahuel to give the Volturi the excuse they needed to bail (Alice!)? To reduce it to "yay Bella saved the day!" seems to be an oversimplification but again, I get the metaphor. It's a nice visual.

#the giant chess trophy #with a queen on top!#my dad had made for me is still in my parents' basement #asks

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ndcultureis · 8 months

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Autistic culture is being good at (most) math but hating lessons because you always have a different way of understanding it than what is taught

It's also being in online school and skipping half the lesson because the half you're skipping doesnt make sense to you but what DOES make sense is going to a calculator website and putting your homework equations in and then being able to trace back to how you're SUPPOSE to do it for future reference

It's also hating how teachers explain things and also explain really unnecessary things that make it more confusing for you

("e to the power of 2 = 81. so what we do is we put a root on both of them and since we know roots and exponents are opposites then it cancels out and we're left with e = root of 81" DUDE. JUST SAY "e to the power of 2 (aka e squared) = 81 is the same as the square root of 81 like we've been teaching the whole lesson" OR SOMETHING ITS LITERALLY THAT SIMPLE WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WITH CANCELING OUT OR WHATEVER ALL YOUR DOING IS CONFUSING PPL BC YOU DIDNT EVEN EXPLAIN WHY WE'RE PUTTING ROOTS ON BOTH OF THEM??? JUST SAY "x squared = y is the same as the square root of y" IT'S THAT SIMPLE TO EXPLAIN WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS)

Also doubled with having ADHD so you never memorized your multiplication table and instead memorized other ways to remember how it works (like that 9 rule btw. Idk if anyone else was taught this but 9 x anything is just take the number, subtract by 1 and thats the number in 10s digit then however much you need to add to that number to make 9 is the number in the 1s digit. for example 9 x 3 would be 3 - 1 = 2, so 20. 2 + 7 = 9, so 7 would go in the 1s place and make 27, so 9 x 3 = 27 ..Yes this is easier for me than just trying to memorize the multiplication table)

one more thing to this already very long submission autistic culture is also really wanting to infodump about all your thought processes for how you do math equations that you figured out yourself bc teachers never explained it in a way you understood, but not being able to that much bc nobody else would understand 🥲)

#neurodivergent culture #mod milo

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skadream · 2 months

Text

i was gonna delete this and move on but im bored so i'll take this seriously even tho it will somehow prove a point for the phobes

i think this chris fleming video sums up my thoughts on this question perfectly

i saw a tiktok from a trans man that nearly made me cry about how he didn't give a shit when transphobes say "you will always be a woman" but it hurt if someone were to say "you will always be a girl" because for him there is some truth to that statement. neither i nor this random dude online speak for all trans men, but for me this resonated a lot. i do not connect to womanhood at all, i enjoy many things that are perceived as feminine but to me those are things i enjoy as a man. however, girlhood and being a girl is something i do connect to a lot. maybe it's nostalgia or just the specifics of what many people who were assigned female have to go through in childhood? the specifics of my intersection of identities outside of genders? idk but it's not to do with liking or doing feminine things or being feminine.

i went to an all-girls school, i have three older sisters, i've kinda been surrounded by women my whole life and the number of men that i interact irl with that isnt family (thru blood or marriage or even longtime family friend) is very very small. and none of that makes me a girl but obviously that impacted my life greatly! like when i was questioning whether or not im trans i like, basically terfed myself into thinking i CANT be trans because i can be a woman and not shave or whatever, and i need to embrace my body as a woman's body etc and i did that! im still all about body positivity for women! but i just. never was one. it never worked. and i genuinely thought i must be a massive misogynist because i cant see myself embracing being a woman. (btw this was all self-targeted, i never felt this way about other trans men prob bc i just see them as. men.)

i felt like if i were to transition i would be doing a disservice to the me who was a little girl that had all these hopes for my future. i thought i could be nonbinary and genderfluid in my online life and be okay with being perceived as a gnc woman irl because thats what a feminist would do right. i had accepted more fluid labels long before ever considering myself a man, and i do still consider myself to be nb and genderfluid! but the first time someone assumed i was a man, something just clicked in my head. like oh. oh yeah this makes sense this is what i was missing. i dont feel so empty anymore, and not saying genderfluid/nonbinary people are empty but rather i felt empty so i identified with labels that could be nonspecific. now my fluidity is something i embrace not as emptiness but wholeness. like all these terms individually gets you some of the way there, and even all these terms together dont necessarily paint the full picture, but i've conveyed the idea to you well enough.

anyway i didnt answer the question LMAO so am i a girl? no not right now. hope this helps

#trans day of visibility #arcyaps

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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Am I the AH for refusing to be friends with someone who flat out hated me?

From ages 22-26 I was friends with R 29-33. R had only worked once in her life which was mcdonalds for 3 months to buy anime merchandise her grandma didn't want to buy her. R's grandma is in her late 80's now just for reference. R's granny had married a rich military dude who was on his 3rd marriage or so then died, so she got all his assets which included like 5 houses, 3 were being rented out which is how she'd get her income. So R never worked and just sat at home getting into internet fights. My friend had invited her into our discord and I'd be civil with her despite knowing how shes been with others. I was working full time for shit pay and going to school full time too. R was very, idk how else to say it, but she always demanded our attention. The other people in the server were 5 from ages from 16-22, we never used how much older she was against her, but she really didn't acknowledge or respect alot of us were in school. Many times we'd had to tell her to step back and set boundaries with us. It did result in people leaving the server. So, in summer of 2019 R decided to go to college. She got alot of financial aid and said her goal was to become a therapist cause she was everyone's "mom". That stuff wasn't even remotely true, she was always a total bitch to everyone. R unfortunately didn't understand that going to school means having to put the work in. She was more interested in spending the financial aid on gacha, anime merch, and other stuff. She lost her financial aid after the spring semester of 2020, and refused to talk to her school about the pandemic stress and other shit. During this time, she tried making me do her assignments and I kept saying no or only helped a little. I had my own assignments, school, and I was stressed. Well, when she lost her financial aid due to academic probation, she blamed me. When the pandemic hit my school did this thing where you'd get partially refunded your semester depending on how you did. I was so thankful for that since I barely scraped by to pay for school. R was so fucking nasty about it. I didn't tell my friends that to gloat, I actually said that before she lost her financial aid. She said I didn't deserve it, cause people like her struggled more. Which is fucking weird since I'm a first gen POC and made a few bucks above minimum wage where I live. I didn't even enjoy my time at school cause of the stress and never having money. So she kept harassing me for getting government aid. I wasn't eligible for financial aid! My parents weren't even eligible for food stamps and we always fucking struggled. But I didn't deserve help, who cares if R is a cis white woman in her 30's that only worked once for a few months, she has it harder. Then R left our server when the pandemic started getting nastier, alot of us struggled but we stayed close in the discord. Then one day I reached out to R in late 2021 to say happy birthday and she said "whose this? New phone." I was hurt she didn't keep my number, but whatever. In 2022 she reached out to me for gossip cause I broke up with someone. Then now in 2023 she reached out cause she wants resources to be a vtuber. I'm sorry, she was shitty to me, I've been struggling, and she reaches out for that? Idk even know how I'd be able to help her with that. I told a friend from our old server and she told me how she had been doing R's assignments for school, but stopped cause she was getting stressed cause she had her capstone class that semester. So wow. R basically didn't do shit for school and gets pissy i get some financial relief. I then had another mutual friend tell me how R had told them she sent me a gift and I didn't send her one, one year. Uh? I tried. I ordered something online for her, and the company sold out, but kept my shit on back order. So R got it like a month late, it was a Christmas gift and I explained it to her, sent her screenshot of when i placed the order and sent her an Amazon gift card as an apology. So she bad mouths me for something out of my control?

I've been getting "hey" messages from R lately, and idk. I'm so done with her.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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acheronist · 8 days

Note

how did you start learning tattooing? what made you want to try it?

ohh... hm. Well. Okay to be so honest and short and easy with you I was really depressed and having my quarter life crisis and so I picked it up as a way to try and get myself back on track with like. being alive + doing something semi-meaningful with my life lol

here's the longer detail stuff that I fear is a bit too tenderhearted to just have out in the open

💌

near the end of last year (november-ish) I was yapping with a friend of mine from art school who ended up getting into tattooing after we had graduated, and explaining that i didn't like how publishing illustration was treating me and i felt like i was spinning my wheels and going nowhere. so she really encouraged me to give tattooing a shot? because I needed to do something different and she thought my art style could be really well suited for tattooing... and ofc i've been tangentially aware of tattoo culture but i was always kind of too scared that I wasn't like........ GOOD OR COOL ENOUGH? FOR IT? it seemed very intense and like there wasn't going to be room for me yknow. but anyways after talking with my friend i started doing a lot of research about like.. the history of tattoo culture and how techniques developed over the centuries and what are the popular styles now and what modern health/safety expectations of tat artists are now etc. just kind of taking it all in. following a lot of artists on social media etc and talking to my friend about what her apprenticeship entailed... but I bought myself a shitty cheap tattoo kit online in december and spent most of december-february just trying to teach myself how to handle a rotary pen machine and get a feel for it? and basically spent all of my time either playing around with my machine and fake practice skins or drawing or researching about tattoo history. and then in february/march I redid my whole portfolio with some neo trad designs + my other illust work and started visiting some local shops and basically just begging for 15 minutes to talk to someone in the industry and figure out if I was hopeless or not lmaooo. I went to about five shops and got soundly rejected / turned down from all of them, so I was really taking it as a sign that I should give up? but then the last shop I was going to try was like. idk it felt different and way more optimistic than everywhere else I'd tried at.... the artists on break at the time all took a chance to look thru my portfolio and talk to me, the shop owner is an angel, and so we went from "can I just ask for your professional opinion on if I suck at this or not" to getting introduced to everyone as they were working like "this is isabel she's gonna be our new apprentice!😊" which was!!!!!! CRAZY.

and so it took about two weeks after that before one of the more experienced artists in the shop was like 🙄 Fine I will teach another fucking apprentice I guess. Whatever. and I was like oh no he hates me. (turns out there's some shop lore about how awful the last apprentice was and everyone was kind of waiting to see if I'd turn out the same way) so I've just been working really hard ever since to prove I'm serious and now I'm everyone's favorite little idiot in my shop eheheh

but yeah! so I've been apprenticing officially in my shop since the end of march!!! just learning and trying to be helpful for my artists and trying to take it on the chin that I'm brand new and still learning and have a long way to go yet without getting miserable about it... but I feel very optimistic and way better now than I did in december, and everyone in my shop is soooo so kind and encouraging of my progress it really does feel like... Oh there is hope for me after all!

but yeah anyways. I just wanted to have an archive of my work as I progress and improve? so now everyone who follows my stupid ass blog has to bear witness to me being slightly bad at tattooing for months yet xoxoxo

#🩸#this response is so long. sorry if you dont give a fuck LOL

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