#id call him a fucking wanker for one
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#im being so brave right now#and not#making a vent post#about someone who felt the need to correct me on a joke-post i made during bake off liveblogging to tell me that i was misinterpreting#something and ''hadnt realised it was a joke''#meanwhile they clearly hadnt realised my joke-post was a joke because my guy if i thought paul hollywood was being serious when he said hed#kick off if presented with a slice of a delicious homemade cake - at someones house - that happened to not look good#i would have called him more than just insufferable#id call him a fucking wanker for one#like when i liveblog bake off#it tends to be pretty easy to tell when my posts are light hearted or jokey compared to when theyre actually serious#sorry i didnt make my bake off liveblog joke post thatll get 15 notes max enough of a joke for you to realise that i can tell when paul is#making a joke#also if he genuinely has done that at any point or would do it#hes not gonna just admit it on national tv is he????
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sakura making fun of naruto for being an orphan is B.S.
sakura never made fun of naruto for being an orphan . yeah thats it . no matter how much naruto dude-bro's may lament over it she never did it. i mean their sakura hate is so comical they keep inventing weird shit to back it up , but here are the panels from the manga for reference:
she is not "making fun" of naruto in either of these panels though she says a bunch of stuff-
"naruto was badly brought up"
-im sorry ? do you object to this? do you think naruto was not badly bought up? idk what to even say here, when usually naruto wankers' lament over how sad were the conditions in which naruto was bought up and how hiruzen is a trashy caretaker , also notice how sasuke doesnt care when she says that and continues to walk past
"how he always comes between us"
um.. considering the shit naruto was just doing(beating sasuke , tying him up, and then fcking trying to kiss sakura disguised as sasuke!! ) and before that (sitting on desk and glaring at sasuke because sakura likes him and he is popular) i dont think sakura's complaint is very misplaced , and it could be that he might have done similar shit prior to this
"dont you envy him for being alone, not having parents to nag at you all time"
This is somewhat insensitive and not to naruto , who isn't even present at the moment but to sasuke because she is ASKING sasuke if he envies naruto because his parents dead .sakura saying to sasuke (indirectly) that lack of family is something one should feel good about and is lucky for .(although compared to the shit naruto and kakashi and even lee give sasuke on his clan in particular this is something that is indirect and somewhat subtle and is not intended to berate sasuke in anyway )
P.S.: she is not a psycho who wants her parents dead or anything she wants to be alone and to not have her parents nag at her or ground her
but I never saw this as delinquent or unsual behaviour from sakura's POV, because sakura is a normal 13 year old !!
it would make perfect sense for a teen to want to be alone , to be rebellious, and to not want your parents tell you how to do everything!
especially since kishimoto wanted sakura to be a charechter that is relatable to young girls
however post time skip sakura's views have on family seemed to have changed a bit when she asks sasori "what is family to you?!"
i really really cant understand how psychos of naruto fandom would give a pass to-no askchually WORSHIP charechters like Itachi (who is a fucking remorseless genocidaire!) and hate this girl , i made a post before but it seems its a lot of misogyny acting up, aint it - for she not only rejects naruto(which is a big sin in itself) , she HATES him , and doesnt coddle him (most of the time-although there are moments when she does), she doesnt give two hoots about him a lot of the time and is fangirling on sasuke -oh the misery!! - arent these reasons enough to take petty things about her and constrew them as though they were on a whole different league of evil .
"he doesnt have to answer to anyone, its made him selfish, if i did something similar, id be grounded for life"
well.. sakura's speculation on why naruto is selfish is sort of misplaced but somewhat makes sense comparing to the shit naruto has done up to now i dont think she is wrong in calling him selfish -he does what he wants without giving a damn about anyone else ,that is selfish -isnt that what he did just now, he beat sasuke, tied him up and went to kiss sakura without giving 2 hoots bout either one of them, and got no consequences for it ! if sakura wouldve attempted something similar then she would've been punished severely by her parents, who would perhaps also make sure that something like this never happened again. - is there something wrong in what she said here ? i dont quite understand...
To sum up everything , all she says is :
1. Naruto is badly brought up
2. He does fucked up shit because he's badly bought up
3. He has no one to watch over so he does selfish things
4. Sakura wishes she could do a lot if the things naruto does and is envious at how far he can go without getting reprimanded
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hey can i hear your thoughts on john? :)
agghhhhhhhhh. thank you!
where do i start. his story is one i know a hundred variations of, abusive fathers, absent or neglectful mothers, siblings who got out, runing away from home into the big city, finding a [fuked up]family in the punk and alternative communitys, and trying to live.
i should say that i am very biased and unrelabal about him. while i have read hellblazer im due a reread and its always overshadowed by teh real people i knows experiences? idk in my head hes just another person id meet at the pub when i visit my dads old city. a guy you her about through the grapevine doing stupid shit and getting into trouble.
another warning of how not to live a life in a long parade. the fuked up sudo- uncle who's to old to change his ways and stop his bad habits.
which is a long way to say i have a personal stake in his story. im not john but i am gemma, im the second generation, growing up to see all the cracks in the so called freedom the previous generation fled to.
guilt. so much of it. the dead and the living. those you left behind. drowning in guilt, the only solution drowning yourself in apathy. then drowning un guilt all over again in atonement. self harm and self sabotage are his bywords. hurt someone cause thats all you can do then hate yourself for it.
john absolutely plays the 'my life is shittyer' game. and he hates being proven wrong. he has to be one of the worst off. because if there are people who have it worse then hes just a crybaby isnt he? lifes tough, get over it. man up. dont cry, you have it good compared to some people.
he hates it. like a lot of city white punks, he has a complicated relationship when it comes to people who suffer more than him. he will fight for them but he wont be nice about it. he gets petty about it
hes got the basics down: but its the basics, the surface level shit. he probably has more racist and sexist preconceptions than he'd like to admit. hes flawed. whats theory or any of that? he learns politics through music, and its not exactly well balanced. hes a white queer punk in the 80s. hes still better than alot of them.
it sums up to: he aint unlearned the shit. he knows its bad, but he hasnt fully unlearned it. [again. white punk in england in the 80s.]
violence. this man is good at picking fights with a look. eventually people learn to steer clear, but theres always enough wankers who are up for a fight.
his father beat him, and so have many others, so if he wins a fight, it makes him feel 'more like a man' or as he'd say it, tough. remember what i said about knowing shits bad but not unlearning it. yea. if he loses: he gets the punishment he feels he deserves, and the fodder for his self hatred about being weak.
double standards a-plenty. a cycle of ego and beatings and guilt and self sabotage.
hes bitter and hes stubborn and hes nasty.
alcoholic to [not that he'd say], and a smoker. grew out of drugs but messed around with them plenty in the past. now he dont like feeling out of control in that way.
he'll still get wasted though [not an alcoholic mind. probrably only phycologicaly addicted]
old dog who cant learn knew tricks. brittle metal, its bent some, but it cant anymore or it will shatter.
hes better than his father. but hes not good
hes self-aware enough to not want kids, not delusional enough to think hes managed to unlearn the shit his father gave him. better that his bloodline dies with him. better that he doesn't get the chance to fuck up.
end it, or sabotage it before he can be shown to be who he is. fuck up everything good because you might as well have control over when it falls apart. cause it will anyway. you hurt whoever you touch.
your cursed john.
a cursed bloodline. whats another way of saying generational trauma?
he hates his stister for leaving, he hates himself for keeping her there, he hates himself for hating her for leaving.
cause everyone leaves him, dont they?
hates gemma for her curiosity. hates her for her interest in his fuked up life. hates her for not hating him[yet]. hates himself hor hating how much better her home is than his was.
hates is sisters husband. hates that his sister wont leave him[hates that hes glad. if she started kicking out of her life the people bad for her. well hed be fuked]
hate. guilt. hate. self sabotage.
hes a messed up guy :)
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I wanna know all about game night with Severus, Lucius, and Narcissa at the Manor. What do they play? Who wins most? Who loses most? Who's most competitive? Who let's who win on occasion? Snacks? Cocktails? I want it all. (Please, thanks, love you.)
Oh ho game night? The Legendary Malfoy-Snape Game Night? Thank You so much anon!
There is a huge sign that says "Leave your dignity at the door."
Winning- They all have their talents it all just depends on the game.
Most Competitive- All of them, but Narcissa will take you down.
Most Laid Back- C'mon now. We all know that that's not possible id winning comes with bragging rights.
Loosing- Most Likely Lucius because if it's a muggle game Severus and Narcissa will team up just to see the cute little nose scrunch that Lucius dose when he's irritated.
If it's Poker. Strip Poker. Both of them bitches are going down.
"Uh oh. He put his hair up"
(Luce looks ravishing with his hair in a bun and he knows it, but he mostly does it to keep the long strands out of his face)
"This is the only game that you are completely invested in. You pervert."
"Hmmm... If I'm a pervert why are staring at my chest?"
*blushes* "..... Shut up"
Snacks- All of them. It just depends on whose turn it is to host.
Severus has a more laid back, chill environment. Whether it's at his flat in london (HC? Maybe.) or at Spinner's End.
Fast Food? Yes. Especially McDonald's. (@sneverussape thanks for putting me on.)
Burgers. Chicken Nuggets. Fish and Chips. Yes.
Sometimes Severus will make the more cultured snacks that he grew up with during his childhood. (Sticky Buns, Koshered Food, oh and most definitely Hamantaschen, etc.)
The Malfoys are bougie through and through. They'd have entire platters of food stacked high.
Cakes and Cupcakes with every frosting imaginable.
They had an image to maintain
(They both secretly enjoyed Severus' simplicity more though they would never admit it aloud.)
There was a few months after the first Wizarding War where Severus tried to improve his mental health and Body Image.
He ate healthier foods.
Like Salads with the little crispy bread balls (what are those called?)
Cucumbers with Dressing.
And on game nights Narcissa and Lucius would help him replace the more hearty foods like Steak and with Salmon or Shrimp. (They'd eat up all of Sev's Greek Yogurt and Fruit though.)
Drinks-
Alcohol? Probably. Even though it lower inhibitions.
Most likely different muggle Juices and Sodas.
Lucius loves Dr. Pepper.
Narcissa prefers Sprite and Sunkist. The darker soda gives her gas.
Severus will probably drink anything as long as it isn't laced or poisoned.
Games-
(Not all of the games they play but the ones that I am most familiar with.)
Monopoly
Not for the weak. Only true Slytherins can succeed.
Lasts forever
"That hotel was NOT right there when I left"
"Yes it was"
"You two are cheating"
"No we aren't"
"How did I end up in Jail then?"
".....Tax Fraud"
Twister
"Accidental" Sexy Touches
"Lucius.... Your hand is not supposed to be there"
"The spinner said Blue and guess what's directly above blue" *smacks ass and leaves hand there*
"...... I hate you"
*evil chuckle* "oh I know"
"Cissa you can't tickle me that's cheating"
"I play to win, so fall bitch"
Uno
Number one way to get your ass kicked
Severus most definitely "cheats" on this game, just to make it more interesting
He'll make up rules and different versions of the game on a whim
Legilimency? You bet your pimp cane.
"Don't you dare change the fucking color you piece of toad shit"
"Eat my ass."
"Will do babe. Right after you draw 4 cards"
"You wanker"
"Nope, that's what I have you for"
"I'm withholding sex for a week if I don't win"
"Lu Sweetheart... You and I both know you won't last a week. You can barely last an hour without jumping either me or Severus"
Truth Or Dare
Someone always ends up streaking through the Manor or Skinny Dipping.
Severus with Make-up? Yessir.
Lucius in a Crop Top and a mini Skirt? Lol Yes
Narcissa Lip Syncing to the Pussycat Dolls? You bet your ass.
Lucius and Severus dressing as one another and pretending to be each other. (I need a fanfiction on that now lol)
"Cissa....Cissa....Cissy.... Cissy.... C'monnn I wanna go cuuddddle"
"I do NOT sound like that... And I'd never say something as inane as 'I wanna go cuddle'... And stop pouting I don't pout."
"Yes you do"
"Fine then be like that" *clears throat*
"I am Dracula bleh bleh bleh"
"Fight me bitch"
*Narcissa in the Background red in the face and dying of laughter*
TBC....
(Thank You Anon for this wonderful Ask I'm sorry it took so long)
#severus snape#snape#pro snape#slytherpride#slytherin#lucius malfoy#narcissa malfoy#lucissa#snucius#snarcissa#snucissa#severus snape headcanon#Snucissa Headcannon#spinners end#severus and the malfoys are bad influences on each other#malfoy manor#Malfoy-Snape Game Night#ask#snape ask
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AU_gust: Don’t let the bastards get you down, oh no
Read on AO3
prompt no 20: Dystopia
Relationship: Lila Pitts/Diego Hargreeves
Characters: Lila Pitts, Diego Hargreeves, Dot
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Lila hasn’t seen Dot in years, but she knows she can still get under her very sensible friend’s skin and she plans to do exactly that.
Dot and herself had had a wonderful time living together on Dot’s semester abroad and finally Lila has managed to come over to the States and stay with her friend for a few of weeks, maybe travel around a bit as well.
On her first night in town she decides to drag Dot to a nightclub.
Yeah, so they are thirty now, with jobs and responsibilities, but just because they’re no longer college age, doesn’t mean they can’t have a bit of fun.
Dot frets in the queue outside of the club, a neon sign over the entrance says Dystopia, though the y is literally on the blink, and Lila loops her arm through Dot’s to make sure her friend won’t just bolt. She knows this isn’t Dot’s scene but they’re guaranteed to have a great time once they’re inside.
As they step up to the entrance, a tall, blond bouncer waves them through, but just as they’re about to head inside, the other bouncer, not quite as tall as his colleague but also stacked and with dark short hair, nudges Lila in the shoulder and says gruffly, “ID!”
“Your friend said we can go in,” Lila offers brightly, almost entirely certain there was some miscommunication.
“And I said ID,” the bouncer repeats and holds out his hand, curling his fingers a couple of times impatiently.
“Are you kidding me?” Lila is quite irritated immediately. Who does this tosser think he is? But she feels Dot squeeze her arm, so she reigns in her anger and says, with only a little edge, “Come on, pal, I’m thirty!”
“Don’t look it,” he says in a bored tone, but there’s something about the way he gives her a once over that sends a shiver down her spine and to her annoyance it’s not one of disgust. Ok, so he’s hot, but he’s being an absolute wanker, so now is not the moment to preen!
“Are you flirting with me?” she asks sarcastically, but gets only a raise of one scarred eyebrow in response and in the end Lila gives up and hands him her driver’s license.
“That wasn’t so hard,” the bouncer says with a smarmy smile when he hands it back and Lila is about to kick off, but Dot drags her inside the club to avoid any further commotion.
They have a fine time at the club in the end and after that night Lila stays with Dot for another week before heading out on her travels and doesn’t think about the rude bouncer again…
Ok, maybe the sharp cut of his jaw and his contrasting soft brown eyes do occur to her once or twice while she’s on the road, but that’s just her subconscious being a brat, right?
-
She comes back to stay with Dot for another few days before she is meant to fly back home and the first night her friend has a work engagement and no time to hang out with Lila, so she decides to hit the town on her own.
She gravitates back to Dystopia, and tells herself it’s because it’s really the only place she knows.
She also tells herself the only reason she’s a bit disappointed when she stands in the queue and there’s only the tall blond bouncer around, is because she wanted to give the other prick a piece of her mind, now that Dot isn’t here to pull her away. It would be insane if she’d developed a crush on some bouncer guy who started an argument with her one time outside of a club. She’s not some plucky teenager who falls for the school bad boy.
She gets inside and heads to the bar at the entrance to get a vodka soda before making her way to the edge of the dancefloor so she can move along to the music. Once she’s finished her drink and has a slight buzz on but has got rid of the glass, she starts dancing in earnest, letting a couple of people dance along with her in her space but Lila’s good at making people keep the appropriate distance.
And then, all of a sudden, she twirls around and there he is.
She stops dancing and looks up into soft brown eyes and an expression that she can only describe as somewhat nervous.
“It’s you!” the bouncer slightly shouts over the loud music.
“Uh, yeah?” Lila says, momentarily both thrown by seeing him like this again and also the fact that despite the fact that he’s just walked up to her on the busy dance floor and is standing stock still with people moving and girating all around them, he doesn’t seem in any way in a confrontational mood. Lila is completely at a loss of what to do with that.
As she doesn’t say any more, the bouncer goes on, “I was hoping you’d come back! I really owe you an apology!”
Lila is even more confused, but admittedly also intrigued. So she flashes him a huge grin, that his eyes widen at a bit and she says sharply, “Go on, then!”
“I, uh…” and he falters for a moment, takes a breath and goes on, “I treated you really badly the other night! I was having a shitty day and I ended up taking it out on you and that’s really not an excuse but I did hope you’d be back so I could say sorry!”
She holds his gaze for a moment and can tell that he in turn seems to be holding his breath for a reaction and then she laughs and says, “Fuck me, for a place called Dystopia, you’re an awfully polite bouncer, aren’t you!”
“I try my best, it’s not always enough,” the bouncer says with a heart-meltingly bashful smile and Lila can tell he’s relieved that she’s not giving him any grief.
“What’s your name?” she asks, emboldened while he still seems to feel a bit guilty towards her.
“Diego,” he says.
“Hi Diego, I’m Lila,” she reaches her hand out and when he shakes it she asks, “are you working?”
“Nah, I’m just here because it’s one of the guys behind the bar’s last night,” Diego answers and Lila grins at him delightedly, doesn’t let go of his hand and instead starts pulling him backwards towards the middle of the dancefloor, “Be a gentleman, then, and come dance with me!”
#au_gust_2021#fanfic#tua#the umbrella academy#diego hargreeves#lila pitts#dielila#diego x lila#diego/lila#lochrannn lxd au challenge
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Joe & Ronnie
Joe: Hey
Joe: my flatmate has some work I reckon your mate might be interested in
Joe: but it’ll sound a bit dodgy coming from me so you wanna pass it along?
Joe: moneys alright for no real work, depending on how you look at it
Ronnie: never done any work as a secretary myself
Ronnie: write your own fucking love notes
Joe: I see that
Joe: your accent down the 📞?
Joe: no cunt here’d understand you, never mind the demeanour
Joe: yeah, well, it’d really seem that way
Joe: but I actually need someone to take her off my hands
Ronnie: racism as foreplays playing to the wrong crowd hes more into homo bashing
Ronnie: errr dunno how you read his demeanor mckenna but he aint taken a her off anyones hands since before any of us had phones
Joe: i’ll keep that in mind
Joe: well homophobic of me to not tell him myself so he’s welcome for the freebie
Joe: not actual escorting
Joe: she does art, her life drawing class needs a model
Joe: I ain’t fucking doing that
Joe: tell me I ain’t 📖 him right on that one
Ronnie: fucks sake if youd said it was cash for cock wed be done talking already
Joe: I just did
Joe: sound, she’ll be made up, she’ll get off my case, and he’ll get £15 an hour, apparently 👌
Ronnie: sexist not to ask me
Ronnie: pass that on to your little gf
Joe: weren’t her idea to ask Charlie
Joe: you’ll have to take up that grievance with me as well
Joe: I’ll just point out it’d be even weirder if I’d have asked you
Ronnie: you wish
Ronnie: how much £ you offering me to bang you
Joe: if I did no point paying you to do it for her and her class and not me
Joe: that’s an interesting take on cucking though, loads that would go for it, I’m sure
Ronnie: ill write it down as youve made me go hunting for a pen in this shithole
Joe: cheers
Joe: take 20% commission or whatever
Joe: or take the IOU I owe him for doing this
Ronnie: you said it hed do this for fuck all ill take the lot and mary wont know it was a paid gig
Joe: if he can fend the flatmate off, undoubtedly a load of art gays he can have his pick of
Ronnie: that what youre telling yourself for why you dont want me to do it yeah
Joe: you wanna do it?
Ronnie: i want you to admit the reason you dont want me to is cause he scrubs up enough for horse girl and her course mates not to stage an intervention
Joe: not what it is so no
Joe: I know I don’t want to get my shit out in front of a load of middle class kids who know fuck all about fuck all, so I assumed as much for you
Ronnie: dont ever assume fuck all for or about me
Joe: why do you wanna do it so bad when like you said, you can pocket the cash and get him to?
Ronnie: i dont wanna fucking do it
Joe: well that’s grand ‘cos I reckon Sophie wants to see dick so
Joe: she’d be really let down
Ronnie: usually what gets you off
Ronnie: but im made up youre in love now like
Joe: please, she either don’t get it’s weird to ask me which means she’s some kind of special
Joe: or this is the start of her 50 shades fantasy and I have to be the let down to end all let downs and i’m already doing my best
Ronnie: rem is right to pay for it when she could just walk in on you taking a piss or having a shower
Joe: when you’re just a creep and not a predator 💔
Joe: not the girl my parents warned me about
Ronnie: if theyd be the type to go down the stables theyd have seen the other side of her
Joe: you’ve got your own daydreams, alright
Joe: put out the feelers, who isn’t a little gay these days, right
Ronnie: go ed and pass on ive got a bigger dick than him and she will have
Ronnie: i dont dream 💔
Joe: shame she isn’t equally inspiring for you
Joe: or anyone, really
Ronnie: cry about it with him when youre done pimping
Joe: what do you dream about then, when you’re awake
Ronnie: what you cant read me
Joe: clearly not
Joe: dashed your modelling dreams
Ronnie: blind and not able to read braille must be dead hard for you
Joe: is that sympathy?
Joe: or you offering me 🖐 to 👩🏼🦲 time
Ronnie: again you wish
Ronnie: 💭💉
Ronnie: cant make it any easier to understand soz
Joe: maybe I do
Joe: far as 💭s go
Ronnie: fuck maybe you do or you dont
Joe: well it ain’t why I don’t want to get my arms out for her
Joe: not tried it
Joe: but not a no
Ronnie: give a shit what you do or dont want to do for or to her
Joe: that is a no, tah
Ronnie: tell her not me baby
Joe: that’s not a big sister duty?
Joe: gutted
Ronnie: wouldnt know im the middle kid dorothy does that for us
Joe: i’ll ask him when i’m crying on him then
Joe: make a change for me
Ronnie: hot
Ronnie: rack up the ious like a fat line hes gonna be made up
Joe: oi he’s like family ain’t he
Ronnie: &
Ronnie: you wanna fuck your mam
Ronnie: not oi ing you
Joe: well you get to think about me and him, you gave me her and you, not fair
Ronnie: life aint soft lad
Ronnie: and stopping at thinking about shit is the difference between me and you
Joe: I get it, you’ve gone there
Joe: purely here for the homophobia
Ronnie: your kinks match 💘
Ronnie: purely there so the lads dont kick off before hes got his kicks
Joe: see, you’ve got it in you 💘
Joe: the sisterly thing
Joe: my hate don’t get expressed by putting me in him though so I won’t run my mouth
Ronnie: not what ive got in me but im not giving you the talk just cause your ma didnt
Joe: you want a virgin to defile reckon Soph and her mates are prime, vampira
Ronnie: set it up with her ill show if i get no better offers
Joe: lucky girl
Joe: no more nights in doing doodles of cute girls that look like you
Ronnie: we dont look alike youll have to accept theyre of you
Joe: i fit less than you, by far
Ronnie: fuck off
Joe: sorry
Joe: it’s weird, say the least
Ronnie: i fit nowhere she made sure i dont
Joe: ditto
Joe: so buzzing i can write shit songs about it though
Ronnie: no
Ronnie: weve got fuck all in common
Joe: just the same mother
Joe: who put her shitty genetics and choices on us both at different times
Ronnie: i ain’t got a mother you cant cross out the un from wanted and act like its the same word
Joe: incubator then
Joe: she was 19 and still fucked, don’t think they had a five-year plan down
Joe: worse if she did, the state of
Ronnie: she made 1 choice for me shes still controlling you
Ronnie: were not the fucking same
Joe: you reckon
Ronnie: if you wanna claim it aint her fault youre this big of a pussy try it
Joe: you don’t think it’s my fault?
Joe: woah, just say you love me
Ronnie: i dont think about you when you aint trying to compare us
Joe: hot
Joe: I’ve thought about you plenty
Joe: uni ain’t that interesting
Ronnie: you came looking for me werent the other way round
Ronnie: you ain’t interesting to me mckenna
Joe: you reckon you’re fascinating, yeah?
Joe: fair enough
Ronnie: if your flatmate knows anyone doing doc film making they can wank over me lying in the gutter when youre done
Joe: nah
Joe: you don’t want control of your narrative
Ronnie: i dont want a narrative
Joe: then i’ll be the only wanker
Ronnie: in your dreams
Joe: well you painted such a lovely visual
Ronnie: black screen would get you going can stay in your own fucked head with no interference then like
Joe: Static is my kink
Joe: you know me so well
Ronnie: your fucking kink is not shutting the hell up til i do
Joe: i’m a gentleman
Joe: and i’m taking that review
Ronnie: youll get a lengthy one from my big brother when you are
Joe: you don’t have to settle for hearing it and getting your kicks second-hand
Joe: I’ll have to be somewhere to be unavailable for this life drawing class
Joe: let’s do something
Ronnie: what you paying me to babysit
Joe: you can ask my mammy or you can see what you can get
Ronnie: if i was gonna talk to her it wouldnt be about you
Joe: thank god
Joe: so take the risk
Ronnie: of what
Ronnie: boring me is asking too much of you
Joe: that’s surely a given
Joe: risk anything but
Ronnie: if I need rescuing again ill call you thats the only given Joe: you’re worse than her
Joe: christian grey or superman, like
Joe: gonna be BFFs yous, I can tell
Ronnie: you dont like being compared to cunts youre nothing like either funny that
Joe: touche
Joe: come on, what would convince you
Ronnie: if youre gonna beg then beg and if youre gonna show me something do it
Joe: I know you’d like to hear me beg but I can’t tell what you’d wanna see
Ronnie: then the answers nothing
Joe: nah
Joe: the answers you want to wait or you wanna be disappointed
Ronnie: why the fuck would I want either of those things
Joe: that’s what I’ll give you then
Joe: the opposite of that
Ronnie: thats meant to convince me yeah
Joe: nah, I am
Ronnie: like fuck will you
Joe: see, you want to be disappointed
Ronnie: ill be disappointed want has fuck all to do with it
Joe: if you don’t come and see
Ronnie: come where
Joe: see me
Joe: i’m new in town, I don’t know where to go
Joe: fuck sightseeing
Ronnie: [somewhere she’d hang out]
Ronnie: go there
Joe: now?
Ronnie: whenever you dont know where to go
Joe: okay
Joe: and I’ll see you there when you don’t
Ronnie: when im not fucking either of our flatmates
Joe: when you’re done being disappointed
Ronnie: when you prove yourself as not
Joe: you’ll see
Joe: I can’t show you over the phone
Ronnie: you could
Ronnie: im going nowhere on a bullshit promise cause im not a meff teenager
Joe: and I ain’t young enough to think that’s a good idea either
Joe: pictures not doing no favours
Joe: if you’re there and i’m there
Ronnie: big if
Joe: I never know where to be
Ronnie: newborn i heard you
Joe: something like that
Joe: if you can’t leave soph alone I’ll do my best begging 🥺
Ronnie: she cant leave you alone id be doing you a favour
Joe: true
Joe: wouldn’t wanna be caught doing that though
Ronnie: let you do the clean up after ive killed and ate her id be caught well fast for that instead
Joe: you’d get caught for being three times your size
Joe: she’s a big girl
Joe: you should share, be sworn to secrecy
Ronnie: doing her a favour i shouldve said
Ronnie: fuck all going for her
Joe: way to get in shape
Joe: she’ll appreciate us using her blood for something artsy on the walls
Ronnie: ill ask the basic white bitch i live with to give me a clue
Joe: 🍆 will be appropriate for her
Ronnie: 🐎
Joe: they might reckon she did it with her dying breath
Joe: very artist of her, dying how she lived
Ronnie: hurry the fuck up with your confession song if you want credit
Joe: you wanna hear me confessing so bad
Joe: but I might be able to hand that in so
Joe: hold on
Ronnie: it aint me whos a choir boy
Joe: ugh, I wish
Ronnie: cant chat shit about us having the same fantasies ive been touched by a old bloke wearing a dress and i dont rate it
Ronnie: standard surrounded by homos night out
Joe: yeah, and the nuns are never the hot kind
Joe: if they didn’t self-flagellate they’d be entirely uninteresting
Ronnie: 💔
Joe: yeah, it’s tragic being this bored/boring, say it ‘fore you have to bother
Ronnie: didnt invite you to no pity party and if thats where youre trying to get me to turn up to dont bother is right
Joe: you mean you don’t wanna talk about your feelings?
Joe: like you said, like being left alone with my own fucked up ones too much to try and start a therapy session
Ronnie: what fucking feelings dead above & below the waist like
Joe: dangerously close to sharing there
Joe: you got your 💉 already then?
Ronnie: wouldnt be this chatty if i had
Ronnie: unlucky you
Joe: I’m the one that wants to see you
Joe: so I’ll cope
Ronnie: cant even spell martyrdom proper so youve fucked yourself looking for a pat on the back off me by matching the definition up
Joe: i’ll just ring mum up yeah
Ronnie: your da if not but it wont have the same satisfying end for you like
Joe: 💔
Joe: validations the last thing i need
Joe: had a whole lifetime
Ronnie: you crawling back to me with a boner for the accent your mummys losing is the last thing i need
Ronnie: get on the scouse samaritans
Joe: don’t reckon that’s a job you’ll get any time soon either
Joe: ‘less the purpose is to make sure people go through with it
Ronnie: couldve fooled me if it aint what else is talking a sad cunts ear off about their problems gonna do
Joe: attention seekers anonymous
Ronnie: no need to meet you there i earned all them badges as a kid 🧷🩸
Joe: wouldn’t be caught 💀 obvs
Joe: keeping it secret adds another level of masochism anyway
Ronnie: does it fuck
Ronnie: keeps you feeling like a smug bitch you can still pass
Ronnie: miss me with that pussy shit
Joe: nah, that’s that i’m in control shit
Joe: it’s not that
Joe: the only thing you might be smug about is how oblivious everyone chooses to be
Joe: if it weren’t also depressing as fuck
Ronnie: dont give em the choice
Joe: why?
Ronnie: why the fuck would you want to
Joe: don’t need to be my mother’s next cause celebre
Joe: she can force the therapy and concern on any of the others, I don’t wanna get better or have to fake like I’ll even try
Ronnie: then dont
Ronnie: cut off your umbilical cord and wipe up the blood trail
Ronnie: not like she tries very hard to herd back the black sheep
Joe: maybe they know and don’t give a fuck 🤞
Joe: I know I ain’t going back so whatever
Ronnie: & you reckon weve got anything in common
Joe: just 50% of our DNA
Joe: never said we were twinsies
Ronnie: if youd have said id have spat in your face 1st time we met get it collected and the tests run
Joe: I wish
Joe: has your face healed
Ronnie: wheres the fun in letting it do that
Joe: 😏
Joe: we can pretend that’s inherited if you need
Ronnie: not 5 i dont play pretend
Joe: if you keep digging, reckon the ink will be gone and it’ll be pure scar tissue
Ronnie: calm the fuck down i can hear how turned on you are about it from here
Joe: spoilsport
Joe: just thinking, scar that only vaguely looks like 🍒s might be well more rugged for my transformation from baby to independent real boy
Ronnie: laughing cos i like pain not cause youre funny
Ronnie: when you see or hear it from wherever youre lurking
Joe: you don’t leave room for me to get the wrong idea, you’re alright
Joe: all them fucked ones are mine alone and already there
Ronnie: get your girlfriend to draw you a pin up & dont tell her youve changed the lass horse head to look like your mas
Ronnie: masc for masc in your bio before you know it and 🦋 tramp stamp to follow
Joe: you know my dad already has a tattoo that looks like her, no bullshit
Joe: and another dead girl on the other arm but that’s a whole other boring story
Joe: playing dress up is off the cards too if I’m ever gonna be a big boy
Ronnie: where do you keep his severed arm when youre not using it to fist yourself and how old were you when you cut it off
Ronnie: if we re telling stories
Joe: 😂
Joe: where we keep the horse
Joe: that en-suite is massive
Ronnie: if he finds out it was a paid gig ill know where to crash
Joe: still gutted she don’t wanna see you naked
Ronnie: youre a liar if you dont wanna see her face seeing me
Joe: don’t know if anyone could be bothered to look at her when you’re about but yeah
Joe: the trauma would really fuel me and make her much more bearable to live with
Ronnie: youre welcome like
Joe: gotta stop being nice to me
Joe: you know stalkers, give ‘em an inch
Ronnie: telling me what to do is the fastest way 🖕
Ronnie: and i know you dont have an inch to give me making the best of this shitshow is what an optimist like me has gotta do
Joe: obviously you’re that type
Joe: not having it in common will have you back 👍
Joe: you’re inspiring, like
Ronnie: chop off my arms and legs and get a camera set up in the en-suite
Joe: you’d fit in my cello case then, could take you everywhere
Ronnie: course youve had a measuring tape out
Joe: hate to kill your optimism with 🍆
Joe: have a go at pushing it back in
Ronnie: how longs your tongue reckon that could kill any girls optimism
Joe: 💔 if it was only good for chatting your ear off
Ronnie: [send him a picture of your weird gross split tongue because obviously]
Joe: [how does that not make you lisp, or does it, I always think that]
Joe: that’s why you’ve not had an invite
Joe: 🚫🐍
Ronnie: gutted
Joe: you know you can show up and do whatever you wanna do whenever
Joe: I’ll take you back
Ronnie: this performance art is meant to what just scare her or teach you how to get her to back the fuck off as well as
Ronnie: im not a fucking tour guide mckenna & you can get yourself evicted without my help
Joe: you know I meant to Dublin
Joe: don’t think it’d take much to scare Sophie off, give it a month for us to both get comfortable and she’ll see what I ain’t
Ronnie: fuck you
Joe: I said if you want
Ronnie: dont need your permission to do anything i want
Joe: don’t think any of ‘em are that lax with their socials
Joe: you’d need directions
Ronnie: ive had years to find em & we dont both hang about with horse girls from kent
Joe: can’t say it’s your loss
Ronnie: shut up about it then
Joe: 🤐
Ronnie: 🖕
Joe: got a whole fist here, you can keep it
Ronnie: sizeist
Joe: told her yours is massive like you said, it’s fine
Ronnie: i said bigger than his not a horse shes in for a disappointment
Joe: gotta 🤞 she’s an optimist like you babe
Ronnie: unlike you shes gonna wait to see what i do with it before telling me to shove it
Joe: you just wanna blueball me for the pain
Joe: go on, for your lols
Ronnie: she wont want me at all unless youre gonna watch
Joe: and you need a witness so I get time too
Joe: I’ll do it, torturous as it’d be
Ronnie: the iou is gonna torture me too
Joe: if you’re lucky
Ronnie: not the dna half we share 💔
Joe: damnit
Joe: what’s good about being Scouse?
Ronnie: now the beatles are dead youve got fuck all to live for
Ronnie: noted
Joe: only the good ones
Joe: I dunno, anything good about it never happened, left when I was a kid and we still lived in a shithole with shitheads
Ronnie: get in line she left me in a shithole with shitheads 1st
Joe: where were you
Joe: wonder how close it was
Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter
Joe: it makes her more/less shitty depending
Ronnie: it aint gonna change my opinion and I dont give a shit about yours
Joe: fair enough
Ronnie: get cosy with charlie hed take you down memory lane
Joe: not before he’s got it out for the art class tah
Ronnie: you didnt say when
Joe: [probably an evening class like tomorrow or the next day, then the same time a week later]
Ronnie: too fucking late the pen is in pieces
Joe: sure it isn’t the first time you’ve left him a note in blood
Ronnie: hes only gonna cry about it & take the shine off his modelling debut
Joe: awh
Joe: message him 🧓🏼
Ronnie: fuck off calling me old
Joe: 😏
Ronnie: ill write him a note blaming what a twat you are for what hes gonna walk in on
Joe: what mess have you made
Ronnie: havent killed myself yet
Joe: and you’ve not stopped talking so no OD’ing
Joe: possibilities are endless still
Ronnie: yeah
Joe: come out
Joe: we can get new ink to dig out
Joe: whatever
Ronnie: you gonna suck his dick this time
Joe: I’ll just pay the old-fashioned way
Ronnie: flashy cunt
Joe: what being a student is all about
Ronnie: and youre too special to poison your blood how the rest of em do
Joe: I’m not opposed but I can do it alone, I don’t need to go to a sweaty student bar that plays shit songs and has a load of sad Soph clones giving it 🥺
Ronnie: you can get another tattoo without me holding your hand
Joe: I could
Ronnie: go do it 🦋 baby
Joe: have mentioned its not about the tat, yeah?
Ronnie: nah not that ive heard
Joe: come on
Joe: i want to see you, i’ve said loads
Ronnie: youve said loads of shit yeah
Joe: shit i mean
Ronnie: why
Joe: why wouldn’t I
Ronnie: thats your answer then fuck it
Joe: you don’t need to ask ‘cos you know
Ronnie: i did ask and you said why the fuck not
Ronnie: like its nothing
Ronnie: like you didnt turn up uninvited into my life not long ago
Joe: then tell me to leave
Joe: like it’s that easy
Ronnie: i didnt tell you to fucking appear
Ronnie: just cause youre a kid dont make me the dead fish you won at the fair
Joe: I never had the choice
Joe: she told me about you, talked about you all the fucking time
Joe: you’ve always been in my life
Ronnie: and youve never been in mine
Ronnie: im not gonna carve out a place for you now cos you want it
Joe: Alright
Joe: do it then
Ronnie: dont tell me what to fucking do
Joe: I’m not going unless you say it
Ronnie: no shit this is fun for you
Joe: like fuck it is
Ronnie: im the car wreck youre craning your neck to keep looking at
Ronnie: thats all the fuck this is
Joe: lie better
Ronnie: you dont care about me or what this feels like
Joe: I can’t take it back, you know now
Ronnie: you dont wanna take it back
Joe: I can’t, what’s the point pretending
Joe: I never said I was a good person
Joe: being sorry won’t change anything for you
Ronnie: its all your christmases & birthdays im west as this course youre gonna keep on spinning me out
Joe: Piss off
Ronnie: lie better cunt
Joe: So you’re allowed pity parties, yeah?
Joe: 👌
Ronnie: calling you out on your bullshit is allowed if youre crying thats your problem
Joe: if all you want from me is for me to go away, consider it done
Joe: you can’t hack it, my apologies
Ronnie: tell me why if im so fucking wrong
Joe: I like you
Joe: I want you, to get to know you
Joe: I can’t just stop it, not for myself
Joe: So make me
Ronnie: stop telling me what to fucking do
Ronnie: fucks sake
Joe: you ain’t saying anything
Joe: what do you want
Ronnie: I dont want you to like me
Ronnie: fuck is that
Joe: yeah, it’s obvious you go to great lengths to be unlikeable
Joe: not going to tell no one am I
Ronnie: so hate me soft lad
Joe: I’ll give it a go
Ronnie: ill make you
Joe: give it a go then
Ronnie: where are you then
Joe: [give a location of somewhere near your flat ‘cos don’t need to actually set you on the flatmate rn and that’s likely where you were]
Ronnie: [obviously we’re just gonna show up however long that takes us without another word like !?]
Joe: [just so much eye contact ‘cos what you gonna say what you gonna do]
Ronnie: [definitely gonna take him somewhere sketchy as hell to the level that like Charlie doesn’t know we still go there/we’d never take him ever like you wanna get to know me okay bitch buckle up]
Joe: [can’t let you hook up or shoot up yet ‘cos chronological but go along with this obvs]
Ronnie: [it would make sense if you made out/almost hooked up though because the vibe for the next convo was very much oh fuck what are you doing here we didn’t mean to run each other like this but also v flirty]
Joe: [agreed, and allowed, it’s the obvious vibe but any untold drama can happen to stop you in whatever dodgy place so makes sense]
Ronnie: [literally and just because you can’t shoot up together yet does not mean either of you have to be in any way sober so]
Joe: [hundo, we’re not saying he’s never done a drug lol, he clearly abuses his prescription as is so like, there’s plenty to be done without going there]
Ronnie: [and if we wanted to we could say that you watch her do it here and now before you do it together anyway because you’d both get a weird kick out of that]
Joe: [tea, bet you did not see this coming for your uni experience lmao]
Ronnie: [meanwhile she’s old enough to have left, do you wanna grow up babe? No? okay]
Joe: [the way you’re rolling with this, we know you’re fucked boy but pop off]
Ronnie: [I can’t overstate how much she’d be doing the absolute most to try and scare him away like I dare you to go back on what you said]
Joe: [we know you’re not gonna, soz babe, is very rude how he’s just waltzed in but truly did not say we were a good person lol]
Ronnie: [we know she’s not either and also is here for it more than she will ever express until we’re literally years into this]
Joe: [hi your mother’s daughter, but no, you actually have a reason this is messed up but we’re into it from the off and not pretending, risky af strategy boy]
Ronnie: [is there anything we wanna say happens that has lasting-ish consequences other than the make out/ almost hook up ie a tattoo or a fight with injury potential or an arrest lol]
Joe: [hmm, the possibilities, maybe a fight to show you can, could be about anything, it’s that sort of place]
Ronnie: [that is such a mood I love it and yeah could literally be you’re a new face or could be her fault because of the aforementioned doing the most]
Joe: [totally, and that’ll be an easy way to separate you and not meet until the next convo]
Ronnie: [exactly dr phil]
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Our rad king Whit did his first live stream on insta (with his Portuguese friend) and I watched the whole thing and OOOO I LUH HIM EVEN MORE
He’s staying at his sisters house in Palo Alto during the ol pandemic - his sister (Cathy) has an orange tree and has left out loads of free oranges for anyone to take, which Whit proudly showed off. He’s staying in the basement (his “man cave”) and doing a lot of exercise. He’s fascinated by Tik Tok - he hasn’t made one but he says his nieces are addicted to it, they even made one with Whits mum 🥺
Some people got to ask a few questions and of course I asked about Klaus and he said he’s chillin in Santa Barbara with his fam, so we can all sleep peacefully now that we know our bby Klaus is okay, thank me later😌 Someone else asked him to sing Everything About You and if they were an actual fan they’d know that boi don’t even like to sing it live 💀 he always conducts the crowd to sing at least half of it 🤡 gtfo
He got absolutely wankered on Tequila the other day at a friends small bday party on their lawn (STAYIN 6FT APART OF COURSE😤) He rode his bike home and didn’t realise until the next day that he must’ve fell off or something because his backpack was missing - he got a call later (whilst he was helping an old couple across the road move a couch 🥺🥺) that the police had found his backpack and they dropped it off at his mums house 💀 Tho he thought it was weird cuz his ID that was in the bag didn’t even have his mums address on it - turns out that they had run his name through the system and his details from the 80s/90s when he got arrested as a kid were still on there 🤡 bless
He told 1 or 2 other old stories from when he was a evil kid but fuck u I’m tired and cba to type it out 💁🏻♀️ U SHOULDA BEEN THERE
but nah fr Whit loves spilling all the tea and he did not disappoint! 😫 think he even said his mums address at one point, man better chill 👀 All that info has been added to my already HUGE and useless knowledge of UKJ and I couldn’t be happier 😌
OH AND THE NEW UGLY KID JOE ALBUM IS DONE - it’s being mixed rn and I have no idea when it’ll be released bUT ITS DONE - he also said that when it is released that they’re going to give the fans a free copy of his other bands (Yellowcake) newly finished album which is sweet 😌
#more of yall need to stan this man#whitfield crane#klaus eichstadt#ugly kid joe#yellowcake#the wedding band#kirk hammett#rob trujillo#metallica#90s#80s#music
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my house got hit with a nasty strike of bad luck last night, all at once, i think around one o clock till about half past; i blame the full moon in scorpio (i believe saturn, venus, and pluto were retrograde at the time too. not sure if they still are)
i didnt feel like writing it at the time because i was too upset
had a really good day before then too. dads been depressed recently and wed sat out in the sunshine n had a smoke n laugh. we played dominoes later on.
ill say it started with my dad gettin absolutely wankered, like really fuckin drunk n stoned, the kind of wankered where you think youre completely fine but you aint and you wont listen to anyone telling you to sit the fuck down or go to bed
anyway, mum went to bed about 11, told us both to get to bed early (because she is the only sensible person in this house)
dad said he was going soon after he’d finished his wine (like he does every night) but he filled his glass a few more times and stayed up.
eventually he went to bed, i told him not to keep coming down to pester me and that id go soon after.
of course he came down a few times (its like an incredibly unfunny farce every night) to eat crisps and drunkenly ask me why i wasnt in bed
‘give me some fuckin peace and i’ll likely go to bed sooner!’ i said
its a farce
i was trying to think about designing an expanded dominoes set which also functions as a jenga set, and perhaps could be used as some kind of analog calculator a bit like an abacus.
i was looking up variations on the game of dominoes and thinking about the esoteric significance of the game
of course i couldnt think about it in peace for long, cus dad came down once again to ask me why i wasnt in bed yet
‘because you wont let me have any fucking peace to think!’ i said ‘the sooner you go to bed the sooner i go to bed!’
it really is like this every fuckin night
‘alright, alright, im going to bed. dont be too long’ he said.
then i heard the dog coming down the stairs
‘fuck sake! dont wake mum up for fuck sake, she’ll come down and yell at both of us!’ i thought
then he said (to the dog) ‘oh, do you need a wee?’
n then i got a real bad feeling that i couldnt really place, like everything was going to suddenly go wrong.
i hide his wineglass because for fuck sake if he comes back downstairs im not gonna get any peace
hes bumblin around makin a load of noise, then he shuts the door so i presume the dogs inside.
then he comes to me! asking me where the dog is, i say ‘didnt you just let him out? is he inside?’
he shouts to my poor mother, who is just trying to sleep ‘is the dog up there with you!’
she yells back ‘NO! YOUVE JUST LET HIM OUTSIDE YOU STUPID BASTARD!’ or words to that effect. she’s really angry and im like ‘hhhhhhhhhh fuck sake’
i start panicking, for personal insane paranoid reasons (basically a picture of my dog taken that day had a strange lense flare from the sun that, sorta, yknow in the film the omen where they take a picture but theres a weird streak on it and then later the person gets impaled by a huge steel beam. looked sort of like a downward swung scythe to me. praying its just the light, but yeah i got really paranoid.)
so i was suddenly like ‘holy shit holy shit is something going to happen to my dog’, i grab my torch and sprint into the garden with my shoes on the wrong feet.
i hear my dog suddenly yelp and im genuinely prepared for the worst.
mum had come downstairs now and was yelling like fuck at my dad, who was barely lucid, like, not even understanding why she was angry, and that jus made her angrier)
thankfully, my dog was okay. hed found a hedgehog in the garden, once again, and was once again trying to beat it up and play with it.
i grab his collar and send him back inside. i look at the hedgehog.
its all curled up, and i can see that its bleeding. its breathing still though, breathing really heavily.
i half cover my torch so as not to frighten it any more and watch it for a bit.
i go back into the kitchen and my mum asks whats wrong, i hesitate for a moment and then tell her dog was being nasty to a hedgehog.
i should tell you that hedgehogs are my mums favourite animals, she collects ornaments and paintings of hedgehogs. she really loves them
i dont really know what to do, so i go to the fridge and get an egg and crack it half open, i go back outside and leave it nearby.
i notice that mums come outside too, and she asks where it is. i dont want to scare it anymore by getting too close so i just shine the torch on it for a few seconds and point out where its bleeding.
we go back inside, now both feeling really sad. dad is wandering around the house demanding to know where his wine glass is not at all aware of whats happened. mum says shes gonna go for a cig and then try to go back to bed.
i shut the dog in the back room with the curtains closed, i only do that when hes really bad. was too sad even to yell at him. left him in there on his own for atleast an hour an d a half. really disappointed in him. i hope he realises what he did was bad, and i hope he never does it again.
hedgehogs are friends.
i went into the living room and sat down and had a drink. dad was still wandering round looking for his wine glass. i say ‘you know the dog just really hurt a hedgehog’ he says ‘dont tell me that right now, i dont want to hear it. where have you put my wine glass!??’
hes just madly looking around calling me a thief, i tell him i havent stolen it, just moved it, but hes drunk too much anyway’
this is another another weekly farce.
he finds it eventually, and sits down. my mum comes in the room now, and i can tell she’d been crying. she says maybe we should put it in a cardboard box or something, i say i dont want to disturb or traumatise it anymore, and it wouldnt want to be in our house anyway. we discuss it for a while, dad keeps making suggestions about what takeaways are open or something because hes half asleep and not actually listening to what were saying.
eventually we decide that i’ll check on it in a few hours to see if its still there or dead or what and if its still alive then i’ll put it in a box and see if we can take it to the vets in the morning (not likely, since theyre only open for emergencies atm)
she goes to bed, dad goes a little while after, still smugly talking about how i should be in bed and mumll be upset if im up to late, cus hes completely out of it
then, just as i put youtube on to distract myself, the internet goes down for like 15 minutes.
i jus sit there refreshing the page. it comes back on after a little while.
i idly browse but cant enjoy anything. i think about writing a tumblr post about it (as i am doing now) but it feels wrong at the time.
i open omegle and tell the first person who’ll listen jus to get it off my chest, theyre very kind, and then we idly chat about some shit. i start to feel better.
then i go have a look in the garden; the hedgehog is gone and the egg is unfinished. i dont know if that means a fox got it, or whether it shuffled away somewhere to die or if it was ok and it wandered off thinking ‘never fucking ever coming to this garden again!’ hopefully the last, but thats still sad. i know hedgehogs are pretty resilient animals. i hope it was okay
i let the dog out of the room about 2 because he started scratching at the door. i didnt say anything i just sent him up to bed. he had an ashamed face. i hope he never does it again.
then i stayed on omegle all night until about 6am. stupid thing to do but i felt better after a while.
i feel the evil energy was gone in the morning. the moon has begun to wane and moved into sagittarius. mum seems alright. dont know if dad remembers anything from late last night. im feelin okay, jus real hungover. drank a lot more than i meant to
dont think im gonna proof read this so it might be a bit rambling. jus wanna get it off my chest
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Tomorrow Never Came PT. 1
strawberryfields-forever said: ok, another request because I cannot get enough of your writing,,,, this might be wayyy out there but, what about a Rog imagine (I know he's all I request but I am a sucker for that man) where the reader lives in current time and is like in her early 20s and time travels somehow and ends up falling for 70s Rog,,,,idk how exactly you could work this out but i'm sure you could do something amazing with it, I love youu thank youuuu,,,
(a/n: THIS IS JUST AN INTRODUCTORY thingy hehe. roger x reader will 100% come later, this was just a difficult topic to dive straight into without some background. if all goes well, this will be several parts, definitely more than three, but no idea how many it will end up at. alright. i’m going to go take some medicine and die on my bed, my head hurts SO BAD)
Go back and save your mother. That’s what you had to do.
It was a daunting task, one that you were extremely worried you couldn’t carry out, but that’s where your uncle came in. After learning about the attack she suffered in the 70’s, he had dedicated a considerable amount of time mapping out what happened when, who was involved, and what could have been done to stop it.
He’d felt guilty ever since that day, seeing as he had been with her just minutes before. She was walking from his flat back to her own when it happened. The attacks had led to your mother’s excommunication from her church upon going public with some of the details/names, and eventually led to her divorce from your father just years ago. And now she was unresponsive, reclusive, and it broke your heart. Your mother, a strong, beautiful woman, now a shell of her former self. Just sitting there in her rocking chair, doing nothing all day, wasting away.
It was enough to make you wish you could go back and fix it all. And that’s what you’d told your uncle one night, when you’d paid him a visit at his flat. You were struggling with your mother’s bills, and you didn’t know who to turn to. And a quick visit to ask him what to do had turned into a night-long visit of venting, crying, and then, the wildest development you’d ever found yourself involved in.
“Yeah. Just walk through the closet. It will take you back.”
“This isn’t funny, Dan, is there something hiding in there, waiting to scare me?” you asked, turning to face him after taking a long, hard look at the dark, seemingly endless closet he’d revealed behind his wardrobe.
He shook his head, then nodded towards the closet and raised an eyebrow. “Don’t go back on your word now. You said you wanted to fix it. I’m showing you how you can.”
“By walking through a bloody closet?” you said incredulously, giving him a skeptical look as you turned and stared down the black expanse of the closet.
But you didn’t get the chance to make your own choice, because your uncle gave you a quick, light shove, and you were sent stumbling into the closet. Dan quickly closed the door behind you, and you were immediately engulfed in darkness. Something felt wrong, very wrong, and once you’d gained your footing and tried to redirect yourself, you headed towards what you thought was the way you’d just come from.
Bursting through the door, you started yelling immediately. “You fucking wanker! You-“
This was not his apartment. In fact, this wasn’t even an apartment at all. It was a hallway, an unfamiliar hallway, lined with cheap-looking apartment doors. The carpet was very 70’s-80’s, a green, purple and red hexagonal pattern that was familiar, for some reason, and threw you off quite a bit. The walls didn’t help either, a bright, shining white that reminded you of a trauma bay that had been recently scrubbed down, not a shoddy apartment building.
The door behind you slammed shut, and you jumped as you turned around to look at it. It read ’00 – authorized entrance only.’
You could hardly believe your eyes, standing there and staring at it without a clue in the world as to what in God’s name you had just stepped through. It was a closet, not a hallway. By any calculations, if it was a hallway, you should have just emerged in your uncle’s bathroom, right around the toilet, not a hallway straight out of ‘The Shining.’
The only thing to snap you out of your trance was a pair of voices echoing out into the hallway as one of the doors to your right opened. Two people stepped out, a fair-skinned blonde man and a somewhat-darker-skinned man with black hair. They both glanced at you, their conversation halting for just a second, and then they continued on their way down the hallway, towards what you assumed was the stairs.
“If we don’t get another roommate by next month, Freddie, we’re toast,” the blonde lamented, clutching onto a small stack of papers and a stapler. The one who you presumed to be Freddie nodded, pushing his bangs back from his face a bit as they continued to walk away from you.
“Think we could make Bri drop out and move in with us?” Freddie asked, turning to look at the blonde. The other man sighed, shaking his head and making his blonde locks look even more shaggy and un-brushed.
“How could he graduate in ’74 if he didn’t keep going?” he replied, an almost mocking tone taking over his voice. And with that, they both veered off to the left, disappearing down the stairs.
“What in the hell?” was all you could say. “Seventy-fucking-four? Where am I?”
Running down the hallway to where they had just disappeared, you practically flew down the stairs and caught them just before they’d descended the next flight down. You were frazzled, very obviously, and the blonde one looked up at all the commotion you were making, pausing on the stairs for a moment.
“You alright?” he questioned, his facial features very clearly noting that he thought you looked like a downright lunatic.
“What year is it?” you breathed out, gasping for air as you stared at them wildly. The blonde one looked at the other, raising an eyebrow and giving him a helpless look. Both of them were completely confused by the situation right now, as evidenced by the looks being exchanged between the two of them.
“Roger, I think she’s ill,” the one named Freddie whispered, but you ignored him and pressed on with what you’d just asked.
“What year is it?”
“Uhhhh, ‘71. Are you okay?” The one you now knew as Roger was uneasy, shifting his weight to his other foot as Freddie gave you an apprehensive look. But you were already too overwhelmed to care whether this stranger thought you were mental.
“Jesus Christ,” you breathed out, looking around you in horrified amazement. Dan wasn’t kidding. Without another word, you raced back upstairs in no time, throwing the 00 door open and running back through the ‘closet’ before nearly slamming into the door on the opposite end. But you slid to a stop just in time, pulling it open, and there was your uncle. “What in the fuck was that?!”
“Welcome back,” he said, his hand still retracting from where the door handle would have been.
“Have you been standing here, holding the door so I couldn’t get back in here that whole time?” you nearly spit, somewhere between rage and confusion and disbelief and amazement all at the same time.
“Nah. You’ve only been gone for a fraction of a second.” A fraction of a second? He had to be kidding. But then again, you had literally just traveled back to the year 1971, so pigs may very well be flying at this moment and you could hardly feel shocked.
“I…” you trailed off, looking around helplessly as you started to feel overwhelmed again. So much was happening all at once, and it was too much for you to handle as you stumbled over to his bed and sat down, your head in your hands.
You could hear him quietly shut the door, so you peeked up to see him cross the room to his desk, where he sat down and opened a drawer. Pulling out a manila envelope, Dan turned around in his chair to face you, which made you raise your head and stare at him with multiple emotions running across your face all at once. What was going on?
And now here you were a month later, clutching that same damned envelope, back in the same damned hallway, staring at the same damned door. The only thing different about you was your clothes – Dan had insisted on you wearing period-appropriate clothes, so you’d had to ditch your modern outfit for some unbelievably itchy corduroy bell-bottoms, a flowy, white blouse, and an astonishingly ugly newsboy cap. The thrift store had not treated you well.
The manila envelope was stuffed with an assortment of fake identity documents, things to help you get places, like passports, IDs, birth certificates, and the likes. There was also a large amount of cash in there, which you were supposed to take straight to the bank. But first, you had something to do here, right now.
The door to your right opened, and out came the same blonde-black haired duo, yammering on and on before they saw you. Again, they paused for a moment to look at you, then kept talking, making their way down the hallway.
“If we don’t get another roommate by next month, Freddie, we’re toast,” the man you recognized as Roger lamented, clutching onto the now-familiar small stack of papers and the stapler from before. Freddie nodded, just like clockwork, pushing his bangs back from his face again. Or was it again? Does that even count that way?
“Think we could make Bri drop out and move in with us?” Freddie asked, turning to look at Roger, who sighed and shook his head.
“How could he graduate in ’74 if he didn’t keep going?” he replied, clearly mocking whoever this ‘Bri’ was. His already higher voice raised even higher in his mocking tone, but there was a distinct softness to his voice. Even when he was speaking that aggressively, he still sounded a bit mousy, and far less intimidating than his companion’s posh baritone.
“Hey!” you called out, your voice almost scaring yourself as you turned to face them. They were quite a ways down the hallway, but they heard you and turned around curiously, staring back at you as you hesitantly made your way over to them. “Sorry, couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. You need a new roommate?”
“Yeah, d’you know anyone, love?” Roger asked, turning to face you fully and shoving his hands in his pockets. Now that you got a good look at him, you saw that he was quite a feminine looking man, with big doe eyes that were an oceanic shade of blue, a soft nose, and dainty lips that drew back to reveal a charming smile when you nodded. “Brilliant! Can you give us their number?”
“Er, you’re looking at her,” you replied, smiling a bit sheepishly and trying not to seem like you were desperate to move in with them. Suddenly, you recalled Dan’s urgency as he explained that you had to move in with these two men. They were right next door to where the attack would take place, and it gave you a good position to observe that night and make sure you could redirect the past.
“You?” Freddie said, seeming apprehensive at first. “Why, you’re in this building already. Don’t you live here?”
“No, just scouting, I guess,” you offered weakly, scratching the back of your neck and glancing between the two of them before focusing on Freddie. For a moment, you also scanned his features. From this vantage point, you could see a strong jawline making the basis for an aquiline nose, deep, almost sunken eyes, and prominent front teeth that he quickly covered up with his lips whenever he wasn’t speaking. “Anyways, I really need a place to stay. My roommate is moving out too, and I only have enough money for my part of the rent.”
“Well,” Roger said, pursing his lips and looking up at Freddie, who shrugged and gave him no help at all. “You’d have to sleep on the couch, you wouldn’t have a room. And we’d all share one bathroom.”
Damn. Dan hadn’t mentioned that. “I suppose I could live with that,” you replied, against your own reservations. In your personal experience, men were absolutely disgusting creatures when it came to the bathroom, so this was sure to be a joy. “And I don’t have a lot of stuff, so I promise I wouldn’t be taking up too much space.”
“Tempting,” Roger mused, mainly to himself. His eyes roved over you quickly, unashamedly, and you suddenly felt like you were under an x-ray. He was slow, deliberate about it, ending right back up at your eyes, and you could swear that you saw a little smirk play at his lips before he tore his eyes away from you.
They looked at each other, Roger chewing on his lip as Freddie raised an eyebrow at him in question. Sharing a similar exchange of glances to the one you’d witnessed previously, the time went on agonizingly slow as they mulled over the idea in silence. It was enough to make you shift uncomfortably, then speak again. “Listen, I’m really desperate. I’ll do all the dishes and grocery shopping as long as you pitch in money.”
“Sold!” Freddie almost yelled, throwing one of the papers in Roger’s hand up in the air. Roger laughed once, looking from Freddie to you, and you couldn’t help but sigh in relief as you pressed a hand to your head, smiling widely. Meeting Roger’s eyes, you gave a little laugh at Freddie’s mini-burst of excitement and shook your head. He chuckled with you, his large blue eyes holding an amused look as he shrugged, catching his tongue between his teeth and grinning.
Freddie pulled you up into a hug, and then wrapped his arm around you as he led you back towards their apartment, babbling on about how excited he was. He talked with eccentric flourishes, his hands doing half of the talking, and his face, framed by long black-brown hair, was entirely animated.
As he talked, you stole a glance over your shoulder at Roger, who started to follow behind you two while still smiling a bit. He looked up as you glanced back at him, and you swore you could see him wink before you turned back around quickly and caught your lower lip between your teeth. Oh, Christ. This was going to be interesting.
PT. 2
PT. 3
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SEND A "!" FOR OUR MUSES MARRIED LIFE
@younqdrunk said:
! for obviously alvaro/wren and if you feel like it, anyone else you see getting married, surprise me 👀
ALVARO AND WREN
Who was the one to propose: we both know it is wren because he’s very expressive and assertive like that. he was really looking for the perfect timing as well. but i bet alvaro already had the marriage thing in mind, just that wren was a step ahead of him :~)
Who stressed more over wedding planning: this is pretty obvious we both know it’s wren
Who decorated the house: wren again ofc, and alvaro probs helps out bc he likes being wren’s cute helper whenever wren wants to be extra
Who is more organized: with domestic stuff it’s 100% wren, but then alvaro does a great job taking care of the kids and his workplace seems quite organized as well
Who initiates bedroom fun: both of them do, but i mean alvaro just has to breathe in wren’s presence and wren could pounce on him at that moment
Who suggested kids first: i’m not sure about this bc they both love kids, so let’s make it a tie breaker and say they both had it in mind before both bringing it up at the same time
Who’s more dominant: wren is bc he can be quite the control freak, but he adores his service top boyfriend absolutely adores everything about him
Who’s the cuddler: they are both equally clingy with each other, but around the first time i feel like it’s alvaro then wren warms up to him and now they just can’t get their hands off of each other
What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: we both know it’s stargazing, probs while having a nice picnic out that wren prepared for them :~)
Who kills the spiders: wren would cry and hide behind alvaro until it’s gone, but knowing alvaro he doesn’t kill it and probs catches it to set it free outside . an angel
Who falls asleep first: idk why i imagine it’s more of wren . maybe bc alvaro rlly makes the most out of it and tires him out 👀
Who is louder? wREN jfkbngjb don’t even ask
Who is more experimental? i think they both are . always wanting to try something new w each other
Do they fuck or make love? they always make love . i can’t imagine a time they just fucked bc their love is so sensual and passionate and they are both so considerate of each other
Who is more likely to be caught masturbating? neither bc i mean they have each other anyway
Who comes first? this is something i’m unsure of since they have sex a lot and probs last long a lot so i’ll give it a 50/50
Who is better at oral and who prefers it? they both do, and i feel like they always take their time, barely having a quickie bc they like to do foreplay and oral before intercourse
Who usually initiates things? for like major extra things, probs wren . and for like small every day things probs alvaro
Who is more sensitive? alvaro is more sensitive w criticism while wren is generally just a ball of sensitivity in terms of details and stuff
Who has the most patience? alvaro :~) and it’s one of the trillion reasons wren is in love w him bc he’s so grateful for his patience my heart
MAX AND ZACH
Who was the one to propose: id k why i imagine this being zach esp when they’re both out and it’s that us against the world thing ?? and he permanently just wants max by his side
Who stressed more over wedding planning: neither bc they aren’t picky and just want to get married
Who decorated the house: i don’t think either are rlly into domestic decorating ?? but i mean zach would put a bit of effort if some guests are coming over . and by effort, i mean hire someone else to do it
Who is more organized: i’m gonna bet on this w max bc zach is just chaos wrapped up in a box, hence why he is the tazmanian devil
Who initiates bedroom fun: they both do our horny bois, esp when max calls zach daddy he will nut every single time rip
Who suggested kids first: i’m not sure w this one maybe max but like rlly subtle bc he wants to keep it cool and eventually zach isn’t at all against the idea of it
Who’s more dominant: we both know it’s zach, but i mean max can be quite dominant too whenever he pleases, and they end up fighting for control
Who’s the cuddler: mAX !! soft grumpy boi . zach probs complains w how clingy and affectionate he was at first, but i mean he’s stuck w him forever and he wouldn’t have it any other way
What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: neither one of them are fussy like i imagine them just being chill couch potatos, cuddling and watching sports is enough of a classic fave
Who kills the spiders: ok i’m laughing but zach will manly scream and run the hell out of there bc he’s almost gotten bitten by a spider when he was a kid so . ur on ur own max, but i mean, zach still loves u
Who falls asleep first: zach bc he rlly tires himself out until his energy drops to zero and he’s passed out on top of max butt naked, but i mean he’s pulled out already
Who is louder? this remains to be a mystery to me rn buuut i feel like it’s max
Who is more experimental? they both are p experimental tho zach is still bitter max doesn’t wanna get fucked in a public alley . but i mean soft cold baby, can’t blame him
Do they fuck or make love? it’s an alternate thing but even when they “ fuck “ there’s still that fondness that reassures them it’s so much more than sex
Who is more likely to be caught masturbating? zach is a wanker so i mean, you didn’t hear it from me 👀
Who comes first? probably max, but it’s only fair bc he’s the one getting his ass fucked most of the time . and zach he rlly likes to control his orgasm
Who is better at oral and who prefers it? they both love oral and anal equally i mean come on
Who usually initiates things? if it’s like surprises i feel like it’s max . he seems to be a sneaky little fly . but if it’s like no chill pins him against the wall and aggressively makes out, then it is 100% zach
Who is more sensitive? max i think ? but i mean zach can be rlly sensitive too u just gotta crack him right, which max has done, so i’ll answer this w both
Who has the most patience? i come to think they both do ? or at least max does a bit more than zach, but zach never gives up on him anyway
CALUM AND NICO
Who was the one to propose: calum bc he when he met nico he was sure this was the only person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with
Who stressed more over wedding planning: neither but i come to think calum’s mother offered to do a lot of work for it since she enjoys wedding plans
Who decorated the house: once again, i feel like calum’s mother offered and these two probs bonded with her while she did
Who is more organized: i’ll give props to nico for this bc calum is just phew
Who initiates bedroom fun: calum at first ?? since nico seems to be the shy type, but i mean when they’ve dated longer, i bet they alternately initiate
Who suggested kids first: calum bc he’s so family-oriented we love him
Who’s more dominant: they both are, but personality-wise i’m gonna say it’s nico
Who’s the cuddler: calum is vvv affectionate w nico he can’t even hide it
What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: skinny dipping, bonus when it’s like training grounds or a pool they’re not supposed to be in
Who kills the spiders: they both take turns getting the spiders out, but it’s mostly calum
Who falls asleep first: idk why i imagine nico falls asleep first since calum is crazily energetic, but he’d gladly cuddle nico as he falls asleep ok they are v soft
Who is louder? nico which is why calum is forever smug about it 👀
Who is more experimental? calum is experimental as fuck so brace yourself, nico
Do they fuck or make love? they always make love, but making love can get intense w them
Who is more likely to be caught masturbating? idk why i imagine this being nico, but i mean calum is always willing to offer a hand ( heh )
Who comes first? i mean from all the stimulation calum gives, i’m p sure nico does
Who is better at oral and who prefers it? calum enjoys oral and idk much ab nico so maybe both ?
Who usually initiates things? calum is a lil daredevil so we both know it’s 100% him ok
Who is more sensitive? nico bc calum is a giant idiot that probs dropped his head when he was a baby
Who has the most patience? calum does, but i mean he loves his grumpy nico
LUCA AND WREN
Who was the one to propose: wren also bc i bet they had a rlly dumb argument before that and wren was so scared of losing luca so he rlly realized how much he loves this pain in the ass and seals the deal with him
Who stressed more over wedding planning: they both do, but i mean wren is def fussier since luca just wants something simple and less costly w wren’s vision
Who decorated the house: wren does, which sometimes luca finds unnecessary bc of the expenses but i mean wren knows how to make a house truly look like a home
Who is more organized: they both are, but i’m guessing wren is slightly more organized ?
Who initiates bedroom fun: they both do, but i guess after they’ve recovered from bickering bc that seems to be their priority over sex
Who suggested kids first: wren probs saw some kids while they were out in public together and just nudging luca like ‘ how many of them do u want ‘ and it starts that conversation
Who’s more dominant: in bed it is definitely wren, but generally they are both dominant which is probs why they’re always at each other’s throat and can only ever handle each other
Who’s the cuddler: i think it’s wren also whenever he fucks up w luca over the pettiest things, he just gets extra affectionate when he doesn’t feel like saying sorry yet
What’s their favorite non-sexual activity: probs volunteering for a good cause bc they’re such angels to the world
Who kills the spiders: neither one of them actually kills the spider, but they’ll both be huddled in a corner praying for it to go away, unless one of them is brave enough to like do the honors of bringing the spider outside
Who falls asleep first: it alternates between them depends who got the bigger head ache that day
Who is louder? they both get rlly loud im just
Who is more experimental? they both are lbr
Do they fuck or make love? they hatefuck i guess, v rare occasions they make love and it’s v memorable wherever the hell they are
Who is more likely to be caught masturbating? i feel like it’s wren yikes
Who comes first? they alternately do, but i think it’s usually luca ? though they both last p long
Who is better at oral and who prefers it? i feel like they both rlly love oral
Who usually initiates things? they both do
Who is more sensitive? they both get sensitive w each other, hence why they often bicker
Who has the most patience? they have the equal amount of patience w each other, even when it’s v little
#younqdrunk#wOW im just#this took a while but i love#we have more ships but i wasn't sure abt their married life yet jkffkb#~ ✧ ♡ . * — you'll be my star and i'll be your sky .#~ ✧ ♡ . * — max and zach .#~ ✧ ♡ . * — calum and nico .#~ ✧ ♡ . * — luca and wren .
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Scales, Fins, and other Fishy Daydreams
Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43151156
Chapter 3/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster
Word Count: 1553
Chapter Summary: Baz takes Simon's shitpost text a step further, and the outcome ends up spreading a few rumors.
SIMON
bi-sammy: sammy would still fuck huxley if he looked like the fish from shape of water
I grin smugly at my screen, sitting in a dark room with nothing shining but my mobile. The shutters stay shut, and the light from the bottom of the doorway barely filters into the room. It’s just me, this scratchy blanket, and Baz, somewhere else in England on another screen. I absolutely adore that.
gaystrell: why would you say something so controversial yet so brave.jpg
Sometimes, I catch myself smiling. Other times, I elect to ignore how real it feels. It’s weird, given that it feels like I’m just chatting with someone who I see everyday. The casualness of this reminds me of texting Penny in the afternoon on a Thursday.
Except, given the current time, it could be interpreted as more intimate than that of a friend’s text.
8am on a Saturday is usually a time reserved for comfort. For staying warm with someone you care about. Instead, I’m just messaging Baz.
bi-sammy: because im right
bi-sammy: hear me out here ive got a brilliant idea
gaystrell: whoever taught you the definition of a brilliant idea was clearly misleading you
bi-sammy: dont be an arse until youve heard it
bi-sammy: wanker
gaystrell: you’re truly proving your point
bi-sammy: ANYWAY
bi-sammy: shape of water au
bi-sammy: thats all
gaystrell: i’m appalled.
gaystrell: hold on.
I don’t think much of it. Occasionally, he disappears for an hour to two. I don’t bother asking, assuming it’s none of my business, but I do tend to worry a bit. I hope he’s alright.
After clicking off my phone, my head settles against my pillow as my eyes fall shut.
There’s something about this. There’s something about him. It’s a bit hard to pinpoint what it is, but the overwhelming feeling of comfort I have in the notifications I get from him just answering my bullshit is incredibly welcomed. He’s semisweet. I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier, but he’s a fantastically bitter person.
My head slowly turns over, eyes opening and straining in the darkness.
I hate my empty room.
I hate the absence of comfort--I hate the plainness of these walls.
I want to say I hate my foster dad, but I also feel like I’m not allowed to say that. Not because the system will take me again and throw me back (even though I could have left a year back, if I was still in it). Instead, I feel like I shouldn’t hate him. Theoretically, I should be thankful for what I have. I’m not in a boy’s home, and I haven’t been since I was 11, but the remnants remain. The fights don’t go away, and neither do the weeks of starvation.
Still, I sort of despise living here under Davy.
That’s what he makes me call him. His name. His nickname. Not dad; of course not dad. He’s had me in his care for roughly six years, but he’s still Davy to me.
Shitty fucking Davy, with his strict curfews and practically using me as a housemaid because he’s too cheap to care for himself.
Shitty fucking Davy, not letting me add anything to my room because the day I turn 18, I’m out of here until his next kid (and cheque, apparently) come in. Told me I’d wreck the walls and ruin his furniture if I did put anything on it, too.
So that’s what I’ve got. Blank walls, blank furniture, blank everything. It’s like a jail cell for a bedroom, and everything I’ve got to show for myself is in a backpack and two dresser drawers/
But, at least, I own my mobile.
Every summer job, mixed with odds and ends shit and whatever I can do for my bill. It’s all mine, and Davy can’t fucking touch it.
Maybe that’s why, when I feel it buzz against my chest, it makes me feel more alive. It’s a reminder of all that work just to be able to talk to someone freely.
Arguably, the best feeling in the goddamn world.
I grab it and flip it over. It’s just an email about uni.
Fuck.
I end up scrolling through tumblr for a little while, doing nothing but liking and reblogging a thing here or there. It takes a little while before a little drop down falls from the top of my screen.
gaystrell: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r7Wkwj7MSFk0--DgquHGhYVBbqneEYq0J01t0uMRmxA/edit?usp=sharing
gaystrell: feel the need to apologize before you click the link, but then again, you asked for this hell
When I click on it, it pulls up a doc titled just “crackfic”, and I’m floored with the first sentence alone.
“Fuck my fish ass harder, daddy.”
My hand flies up, covering my mouth as I practically wheeze as quietly as possible. A few paragraphs in and I’m nearly crying into my palm, muffling my laughter as I read through pages upon pages of the most ridiculous fic I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.
I check the word count out of pure curiosity, and it somehow makes me laugh harder.
bi-sammy: holy fucking shit
bi-sammy: i swear to god if you don’t post that i will
gaystrell: already in the process of making the archive post
gaystrell: i seriously believe you underestimate my sincere ability to be the biggest dick on the street
bi-sammy: i dont know whether or not u meant that as ur literal dick or the big dick energy in making that a post but id probably agree with you in both
bi-sammy: tag me in the post pls i want to be the first to reblog it
gaystrell: you’re a ridiculous, sad, little man
gaystrell: of course i’ll tag you
Within minutes, it’s uploaded with the absolute worst slew of Archive tags attached to it, and as soon as he tags me in his post, I tap the notification.
Scales, Fins, and other Fishy Daydreams
Word Count: 3,192
Summary: Fish!Huxley and Sam get it on Shape of Water style
@bi-sammy this is your fault (you're welcome)
I immediately slam like and pull up reblog, rapidly typing out my response before posting.
absolute madman. cant believe youve done this. i trust you with my entire life.
As usual, he's quick to reblog back.
anything for the absolute pain in my life x
Smiling shamelessly, I ride on the moment's high as our conversation stays out in the world. I quite enjoy this version of his softness. The public, taunting replies to mine. In all this time of following him, I can't really recall him ever being this friendly with anyone but me.
Makes me feel special. Maybe too much so.
BAZ
The jarring shock of the seemingly endless notifications rattles me momentarily speechless.
It isn't even 15 minutes after I'd replied to Snow and there's already a few people reblogging it with comments about him and I. A quick “i ship y'all’ to “powermove of the century”. Each make me flush deeper as the replies flood in.
If I were to be practical, I'm aware that I shouldn't be so flustered over the concept of us being a couple. It's most likely my overactive, sad, lonely imagination, but the idea of being loved just makes me blush. Especially since it's someone who doesn't seem to absolutely loathe me.
gaystrell: are you reading these?
bi-sammy: the what?
bi-sammy: i have. nothing to read. i cant read.
gaystrell: use your two remaining brain cells look at the notes for the crackfic
bi-sammy: holy shit
bi-sammy: im cackling
A notification pops up, making me snort this time. I pull up the post and send it off to him without a second thought.
gaystrell: sent a post
gaystrell: “sounds like something huxley would do for sam”
bi-sammy: stop im gonna piss myself shits too fucking funny
I pull it back up, scrolling down to reblog and adding a quick reply that, in all honesty, I should have thought out more. Secretly, part of me is glad that I sent it.
huxley wishes he was this smooth ;)
Within seconds, replies flood in from everywhere. From jokes about Snow and I possibly dating to the concept of Huxley writing (purposefully) shitty homoerotica about himself as a fishman. I quite like the conversation about the latter, while the former makes my chest knot in ways inexplicable.
Going through the notes makes me smile, even if it's mildly embarrassing. The amount of times I've seen the eyes emoji used is definitely excessive, but still somewhat welcomed.
Even my archive has a few comments already, although more based around the fic itself. More ironically, though, is the one person who probably took it seriously and just commented, “Nice fic!” I love the abundance of shameless appreciation for obscure fanfiction in the depths of this community.
Snow's messages roll down my mobile screen as I'm checking the comments, continuously replacing the previous message for the top slot.
bi-sammy: mate
bi-sammy: i love you
bi-sammy: also every time you reblog something of mine i get like 5 followers
bi-sammy: if you mention me i get 10
bi-sammy: youre???????????? a god????????
bi-sammy: can i marry you????????????
I slowly close my laptop, eyes on my phone with an absolutely gleeful grin.
gaystrell: when and where?
#carry on#fanfiction#fanfic#fic#mine#it's a handheld disaster#snowbaz#simon snow#tyrannus basilton grimm-pitch#tyrannus basilton grimm pitch#baz pitch#simon#baz
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Sometimes life really is a fairy tale.
I knew I wanted children, hell, I thought I wanted a football team of them! Nathan on the other hand, didn’t think he would ever have a girlfriend, didn’t think he would ever fall in love, didn’t think he would ever move away from home (let alone to Norfolk), and definitely hadn’t even thought about kids.
Me and Nathan met in Australia, one of my favourite places with the best memories! I was at a stage in my life where I didn’t want a boyfriend, I was happy with myself and content to be just me. Then BOOM, like a sack of shit, Nathan comes along (not that he’s a sack of shit but you know what I mean).
My first opinion of Nathan on a night out was ‘what a wanker!’ ‘Look at him, so arrogant’ Then I found myself outside with no one to speak to but him, instantly I thought ‘wow, you bitch, he’s actually nice!’ ‘That arrogant look is just his face!’ (Soz Nath) We got on like a house on fire, laughed and chatted most of the night and then it came to the point that left me speechless…a hard task if you know me. He said mid conversation ‘I’ve got to stop talking to you else I’m gonna fall in love with you’ And that was it, he was gone! LIKE WTF!!!! Thinking about it now, how many girls you used that line on Nath? haha
Now I was a bit unlucky in love previously and my dad said to me once ‘When you find the right one, you’ll know’. I thought that was bullshit and that Robbie P was living in some sort of fairy tale world.
I woke up and couldn’t stop thinking that I had to to speak to him and see him again, problem was, I only knew his name was Nathan and that he lived in a house down the road. Should I just rock up there? Absolutely fucking not. So what did I do…trusty old Tinder! There was probably only about 40 people live in the area so it couldn’t be that hard to find him. I set the location to the lowest possible and got to work (yes I am a nutter!!) But I found him, swiped right and it was a match, slid into his DMs and the rest was history. With in about 2 weeks he had moved in and we started our relationship on that little banana farm in the middle of nowhere. We became best friends, I was due to come home to England but decided I had to give this a go, I went back to Oz and started my 2nd year visa, best decision I’ve ever made. We travelled some more together, made some amazing memories and decided it was time to come home to England and work towards our future.
I remember asking him once if he wanted kids…he told me he’d never thought about it, maybe one day but maybe not. I think we were probably about 6 months into our relationship at this point, why he didn’t run a mile at my physco questions then I will never know! 🔪Maybe he knew I was the one….maybe he’s just too laid back to care! At that point I told him I could see us together for the rest of our lives, and if it was out of the question then that was going to be a big problem for me. I think he called me a nutter and maybe a few other words, but we’re still together so he must of seen something for us - even if he’s not very good with words!
Once we moved home I always did the big hint drops of babies and engagement and he would just say ‘Maybe one day’ then he told me the more times I spoke about marriage the longer it would take him to ask me…it did the trick and I stopped asking, well, stopped asking as much anyway.
So I found myself, 25 years old and in a seriously happy relationship with my best friend. It seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant or getting engaged. I was jealous! As selfish as that sounds I really wanted that to be me, I’m sure I’m not alone in this and I reckon a lot of people must feel like this at some point in their life. Id been on the pill since 16/17 and had all the thoughts of ‘how long will it take for this to come out of my system?’ and ‘Can I even get pregnant’.
Id got to that stage of GIMME A BABY!!
So in true me style, I had a melt down, cried a little bit and told Nath how I felt. Then in true Nathan style he simply said ‘Well, your not gonna get pregnant if you don’t stop taking your pill are you!’
That was it, we were officially trying for a fricken baby and I felt like I was going to combust with excitement! Now before trying for a baby me and Nath simply thought, if your not using any contraception and your having sex, your just gonna get pregnant, right? Little did we know about that fertile window. After month one of trying and not getting pregnant (very impatient I know), I got myself a handy little app and turned into some sort of crazy sex planner. If that app was green, we were doing it, and if it wasn’t, well maybe we should just incase. Poor Nath didn’t know what had hit him! I was recording periods, when we had sex, my moods, the lot! I think I must of done about 10 pregnancy tests in this time, I’m so impatient I just had to keep checking. Turns out it happened pretty quickly! We started trying at the end of August and by October I was preggers! I just had a ‘feeling’ now I’m not sure if everyone feels this when they are pregnant but I knew I was, I was convinced. We bought a test and I was itching to get home and do it.
*Weeing commenced* It was one of those digital clear blue ones, I just sat there watching this little egg timer on the screen and it was too much, it was taking forever, I couldn’t cope sitting there so walked away and left it to develop. As I came back and bent down to pick it up, it pinged up on the screen ‘PREGNANT’ I could not fucking believe it! Naturally, I burst into tear, ran down stairs with my hand over my mouth and threw the test at Nathan. I think the actual words to come out of his mouth were ‘your fucking joking me’. He then started nervous laughing and reminded me how I told him it would probably take us a while to get pregnant because id been on the pill for so long, Opps. 2-3 weeks pregnant, I wanted to wait until our 12 week scan to tell anybody so now we had to try and keep it a secret! Hardest thing ever!! I remember us going to my mum and dads for tea one night before my scan and I asked Nathan if we could tell them, I thought they would suss it out If not as I’d been feeling a bit sick and faint. So I’m sat at the tea table and said ‘You know how your both really really good parents…’ Dad then chirps up ‘OH WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW!’ (Thanks dad, really killed my flow) I then started crying and think I just about managed to get the words out ‘How do you feel about being grandparents again?’ I think we all had a little cry and then the excitement began! To tell Nathans mum and dad we wanted to wait until we were face to face so we couldn’t tell them until nearly Christmas time, after my scan. We got a card that was a Christmas card for grandparents and then put a scan picture inside. Nathans mum had completely bypassed the front of the card, then saw the scan picture and was gobsmacked! More tears - theres been a lot.
Finally we could tell the world - Best Christmas Ever!!
Robbie P was right, I’d got my fairytale after all and all my dreams had come true.
Pregnancy was pretty kind to me with a small amount of sickness. For probably the first time ever I was happy with my body and the amazing thing it was doing. It always blows my mind what a womans body is capable of doing and how it can grow a tiny human. The summer however, was not so kind! Hottest summer ever and I’m waddling around like a bloody whale. Being heavily pregnant I imagine is not very comfortable at the best of times, but its a nightmare in the summer when nothing fits. Thats actually something I have noticed that winter maternity clothes are great, summer, crap! Just an FYI for people, and I’m sure I’m speaking on behalf of any woman thats been pregnant or is currently. Do not say to them, I repeat, do not say ‘WOAH, your huge!’ ‘Your massive’ ‘Look at the size of you’ thats the point where every woman just smiles sweetly and mutters under their breath to themselves. Definitely not what you want to hear when your walking round feeling like a flump squashed into clothes.
When I’d got just 6 weeks left until due date I think Nath decided he’d try and put me into early labour to put me out of my sweaty misery. I got a call at work from my mum to say that Nathan had been in an accident and was at the hospital. I can’t explain the turmoil that goes through your mind. I just remember crying and asking if he was ok, mum didn’t say too much other than that he was going for a scan and that he was ok. I was told to drive to the hospital sensibly and not to panic…..of corse you do nothing but panic! I think I actually had a go at him when I got to the hospital, so kind and caring! Typical me. Him and mum had been arguing since late morning about who was going to ring me and tell me as neither of them wanted to do it, not like I was gonna have a breakdown or anything 😬
He’d rolled his fully loaded cement truck down a bank, completely squashed it and managed to pull himself out. To look at the photographs and from what the ambulance service had said, he was lucky to be alive, you can’t actually tell how a body could of been in the cab of the lorry, let alone got out of it. Nath had broke his back, now that sounds quite extreme but from looking at the photos I was happy that was his only problem. One good thing about it, he had to wear a back brace which people were more interested in staring at than my big bump - cheers Nath, always looking out for me.
Now after that and what happened with Ada I’m still trying to work out whether we are the luckiest or the unluckiest people in the world? Hopefully that was our bad year and we can have a break from shit for a while now please 🙏🏼 It has definitely tested us and I can't even begin to describe my stress levels throughout everything, but, It made me know 100% that if I was going to have to go through that much shit with anyone, I couldn't of picked a better person to tinder stalk. So this is kind of an appreciation post, thanks Nath for being my person, my bestie and super dad to the coolest kid out - you da bestest 🖤
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SUTRA - Chapter 3
A/N: I have nothing to say besides MY TAGLISTS ARE OPEN (for Sutra, Ghost and permanent) and feedback is always appreciated. That's it, enjoy.
Warnings: Sam being really superprotective, Thor being the cutest silly thing, NAT BLUSHING, Bucky being sassy, cursing, bad Spanish, cheesy pickup lines. I think that's all.
Word count: I don't even know.
Catch up here!
Y/N Wilson's POV
"Y/N/N, are you done already?" Sam asked me for what seemed like the millioneth time.
"Sam" I screamed. "I'm doing makeup, I need some focus here!"
"I know, but" He began. "They're all asking if we're getting laid."
"Dude, trust me when I say" José began. He and Sam were sitting on the couch and talking about manly things. "Don't hurry her."
While they chatted about any bullshit, I was focusing on doing an eyeliner wing to complete my makeup. I was already dressed to the nines for that party, with my red jumpsuit and black stiletto heels.
The last time I got dressed like that was when Juan asked me to marry him, I thought.
Brushing the thought aside, I finished my makeup. My hair was down in curls and I looked flawless.
"Okay, I'm done." I said entering the living room, not before grabbing a black clutch bag and putting my phone, documents, credit card, money and two condoms in it (because we never know how the night will be finishing, right?).
"Final- HOT DAMN!" Sam began saying but stopped himself before looking at me. "Girl, you look great."
"Aren't you a hot girl, mamacita?!" José said and left out a wolf whistle. I blushed. "Are you really blushing? You're hot and you know it, stop with that fake modesty."
"Let's go, shall we?" Sam said and looked at me while wearing the black leather jacket he came with, matching the white shirt and black jeans he wore. "We got a party to attend and money to make."
He smirked and I returned the same smirk. This night is going to be amazing, I thought after feeling great for leaving my house to something that wasn't wedding issues and family lunches after a long time.
Steve's POV
A few minutes later
"Do you think that Sam is bluffing?" Nat asked. "About his cousin not being a girl he's fucking."
"I don't know." I answered. "I just doubt because he'd never mentioned her before, so..."
"I think it's all bullshit." Bucky said while drinking a shot of the Asgardian alcohol that Thor had brought with him. We were playing snooker. "He just doesn't want us preying on her."
"Whether she's his cousin or not" Thor began. "I'll totally try something."
"She might be a goddess for him to hide her that way." Rhodes commented.
"She's a Goddess?" Thor asked excitedly. "Great!"
"He got it literally again." Clint said after hitting the red ball in one of the holes.
"Attention guys" Tony came at us, the party happening around. He had a whiskey glass in his hand. "Wilson and his mamacita just arrived. They're in the elevator."
"He's coming for us first of all and I'm 200% sure of that." Nat said.
"I hope so" Thor said. "Because I wanna meet that mamacita girl real bad."
"It's 'mamacita', not 'muh-muh-see-tuh', Mr. Odinson." a sweet but strong feminine voice said behind us.
We all turned around to see Sam and another man holding arms with the most beautiful woman I've seen nowadays: she had skin that made me remember of caramel, her hair was down in curls and she had those big brown eyes and lips painted in red that looked like the vibrant red of the American flag.
She wore a red jumpsuit that hugged her curves perfectly, black high heels and her well manicured hands were holding a black clutch bag.
That is a stunning dame, I thought to myself.
"Are you really Birdie's cousin?" Tony asked.
"Y/N Wilson, nice to meet you, Mr. Stark." She answered politely.
"Are you Sam's cousin?!" Rhodes asked. Y/N nodded. "You're too beautiful for that, girl."
"Agreed." Nat said. Y/N and her gave a friendly handshake. "Natasha Romanoff. Call me Nat."
"Call me Y/N/N." Y/N said with a smile. A beautiful smile. "You call me for my name and I listen to my mother's voice."
"Don't we all?" Tony said and she left out a laugh.
"This is José." She introduced the man that came with them. He, who had a pair of green eyes and tanned skin, nodded at everyone and said his hello awkwardly. But Natasha seemed to be his main target.
And Hell, he wanted to impress.
"Hola, Bonita. ¿Estás perdida? Porque al cielo hay un largo camino desde aquí." (Hello, beautiful. Are you lost? Because heaven's a long way from here.) He said and grabbed her right hand for a kiss. She was definitely taken by surprise.
"Díos mio." (My God) Y/N sighed. "José, stop being cheesy."
"Can't control myself when an Angel of a woman is near me, Y/N." He commented and everyone laughed, leaving Nat as red as her hair.
"Lady mamacita" Thor began to flirt with her with all braveness he had while wearing a white dress shirt and jeans. "They said you are a Goddess. Goddess of what and in which of the Realms may I ask?"
"Goddess?" Y/N asked confused. "The last time I checked, I was human, born and raised in Bronx... and my name's Y/N by the way."
"But why do they call you Mamacita?" Thor asked and almost everyone involved in the conversation sighed in annoyance.
"Vamos a bailar, mamacita?" (Let's dance?) José asked, pulling her by her arm. He wore a white shirt, white blazer and black jeans.
"Toda la noche, Papi." (All night long.) She answered him and he lead her to the dancefloor, so they'd dance to one of those latin songs that they play nowadays. I learned it's called Reggaeton.
"See?" Thor asked.
"Do they..." I began asking to Sam.
"No, dude." Sam answered. "They're best friends."
"So the flying ballerina is single?" Bucky asked and left a smirk. "Good to know."
"You better not lay any of your fingers on her, Barnes." Sam said, in a threatning tone.
"You can't stop me, Birdie." Bucky said.
"Talking about no stops" Sam began and smiled. "You all owe me money! Give me all my bucks now."
"There's just one of me, you know that, Birdbrain" Bucky said.
"You know what I meant, Tin Man." Sam said. I sighed with a laugh and pulled 50 bucks from my wallet.
"Here we go." I said and gave the money to him.
"Thanks for your contributions, Steve." He said and everybody who entered the bet gave him all the money. Tony seemed to hesitate.
"You're lucky for two reasons, Wilson." He began. "The first one is that I couldn't find anything that says Y/N isn't your relative. The second is that you earned a 100 dollar bill from me, so use it wisely."
"I'll definitely do it, Stark." Sam said when he grabbed the 100 dollar bill from Tony. "Okay, now that I won this bet, drinks everyone?"
"Let's see the ballerina cousin flying first, shall we?" Tony said and pointed to the dancefloor, where we all could see Y/N and her best friend dancing amazingly and becoming the main focus.
"That dude is losing the opportunity of giving that booty a squeeze." I heard a man speaking.
"If I had her grinding on me that way, I'd already have pulled her from that dancefloor." the other one said.
I was about to say something, but Sam, who was by my side and also heard the dialogue between those guys, went in first.
"Too bad that any of you will never have the opportunity to touch those fucking wanker hands on her." He said.
"Why you say so, hm?" one of them asked in a teasing tone.
"First of all, it's because she deserves respect as a woman." Sam said facing the dude. "Second, she is my cousin. Any of you touch her, both of you will have no hands or dicks to brag about it. Do I make myself clear?"
I never saw Sam with such a threatening voice. But now I could see it and I was surprised to say the least, like everyone else in the team.
"What was that, Birdie?" Tony asked after those guys left our side.
"No one messes with my family, Stark." Sam answered. "Also, Y/N/N just split with her ex-fiancee and I won't let any bastard fuck around with her."
"What happened?" Clint asked. Sam sighed.
"Dude" He began. "She'll tell you better if she wants, but in a brief, the bastard cheated on her a month ahead of their wedding."
"She's still really hurt about that, even though she doesn't show it." Wanda commented and Sam nodded. Vision, who was on his human form, looked at her. "What?"
"You need to stop reading people's minds, sweetie." He commented.
"I know but" Wanda began. "She was wearing a sad look and I wondered why."
"Look at your cousin giving a show, Birdbrain." Bucky said and everyone looked at the dance floor, where Y/N and José, were dancing.
"It's like they are making love." Natasha commented.
And Nat was right: it really looked like they were making love. But there was a single thing that bothered me.
Suddenly, I was one of the many men in that party who wanted to be at the dance floor making love to her.
Tags (open): @coal000 @sofipatey @id-rather-be-sleeping95 @steve-thotgers
#marvel fanfiction#marvel smut#marvel fanfic#marvel characters#marvel#steve rogers x you#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers x latina!reader#steve rogers smut#steve rogers#sutra
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Half Blood, Whole Heart: Part 32
Pairings: Jax x Reader, sister Winchester!reader- SOA/SPN Crossover
Warnings: Swearing, angst, Dean being a demon dick, smut, hate sex, angry sex, mention of cheating out of anger (that doesn’t happen), almost getting caught in a compromising position by your kid……
Word Count: 1,845
A/N: So I decided to repost my novel- the story that someone stole from my old blog and put up on Wattpad. PLEASE don’t be an asshole and steal my stories. It CRUSHED me when it happened and almost ran me off Tumblr.
Half Blood, Whole Heart Masterlist Aesthetic by @ravenangel33
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~ NOVEMBER 13TH 2011 ~~~~~~~~
The five month between your oldest son’s birthday and your youngest’s first went by slowly and entirely too quickly at the same time. You and Jax forced yourselves to live life as normally as possible for your sons. The two of you and Bobby agreed not to tell Opie and Lyla; she didn’t need the stress and you didn’t want Opie to have to lie to her. You tried not to think about it; tried not to worry about the unknown but you still found yourself crying yourself to sleep in Jax’s arms every night. The unknown finally made itself known the day before John’s first birthday.
“Hey have you seen this solar eclipse thing we have going on?” Lyla asked as you sat in your rocking chair on your front porch smoking a cigarette.
“Yep. Out front looking at it now.” You told your friend over the phone with tears slowly falling down your cheeks. You knew it wasn’t a solar eclipse. This was the end.
“It’s crazy. According to the news, NASA doesn’t even know what’s going on. The moon isn’t causing it.”
“I’m sure it’s no big deal.” You lied as you tried to wipe your tears away. “Probably just some fluke thing.”
“Yea, probably. Hey, let me call you back, I have a baby on my bladder.” You let out a forced laugh and hung up the phone. Jax walked out to join you after putting your sons down for a nap. He sat down in his rocker and you immediately got up and moved to his lap wordlessly.
“What’s gunna happen?” He asked as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you as close as physically possible. You shook your head before resting it on his shoulder.
“I don’t know. I think it just… ends.” He gently rocked the two of you back and forth as you watched the sun diminish quickly from the bright glowing orange light it had been all morning.
“Should we wake the boys?” Jax whispered as dusk began to settle in despite it being the middle of the morning. You shook your head.
“Let them sleep. They don’t need to see this.” You said as you buried your tear stained face in your husband’s neck.
“I’m not done loving you yet.” He choked as his tears fell on your face. He pulled you impossibly closer as sobs wracked your bodies.
“I will never be done.” As night enveloped you, you forced your head up and cupped your husbands cheeks. “I love you, Jax.” You whispered; wanting those to be the last words he heard.
“I love you, too, (Y/N).” He replied as he tangled his hands in your hair and crushed his lips to yours. Your tears mixed together on your skin as you said good bye to the love of your life; wishing you could have just one more day with your family. Wishing that this wasn’t really happening. Wishing that it wasn’t suddenly so damn hot in the winter… You brow furrowed and you pulled away and opened your eyes as your phone rang on the table. Your eyes flew open wider to see the morning light.
“What the hell…?” You asked as you looked around while your phone stopped ringing.
“Are we dead?” Jax asked as you phone started ringing again. You reached back and grabbed it off the table. You shook your head when you saw the name on the caller ID. You put it on speaker as you stood up and looked at the sun curiously.
“Sam? What the hell…?”
“Dean stopped her.” You whipped around to look at Jax as a choked laugh escaped your lips.
“It’s over?” You asked as he jumped up from his chair and wrapped you in a hug.
“Fuck, I love you.” He said as he crashed his lips to yours in a bruising kiss.
“Yea… sorry to interrupt guys but… De…” His words were choked off and he cleared his throat. “Dean didn’t make it out of this one and he’s… it’s the real deal this time.” You pulled back and looked at the phone in your hand as you gripped Jax’s arm for balance.
“W-what?” You stammered. “He had to have… there’s no way…”
“I’m heading to you. I’m in Louisville so I’ll be there tonight. (Y/N), I… I need you.” You nodded as tears welled in your eyes once more.
“Yea… Sammy, I’m here. We’re here for you.” Sam tried to say something but changed his mind; hanging up the phone with a sob. You looked at Jax as regret and guilt crashed down on you and your lip began to quiver.
“The last thing I said to him…” Was all you could get out before you burst into tears.
“Fuck. Baby, shhh. It’s OK.” Jax soothed as he wrapped you in his arms. “I’m so sorry, baby. He knows you love him.”
“Dean…”
——
“Mommy m’eese!” Thomas cried out over the small TV you had in your kitchen while you made lunch for your sons. You forced yourself to focus on being a mother and a functioning member of society and not the fact that you had to find a way to tell your son that Uncle Dean was living in heaven with the winged dicks that you partially blamed for his death. Then again, you blamed everyone except your brothers.
“Thomas Eric, I need you to stop yelling. I promise you, you will get your mac and cheese if you just wait a minute.”
“… Filip Telford escaped from Folsom Prison in California today after this morning’s solar eclipse knocked out the power in the prison. He is considered armed and dangerous…” You whipped away from the stove and looked at Chib’s mug shot on TV as your phone started ringing. You ran to the kitchen window as your son continued to whine about lunch and threw it open.
“Jax! Get in here; you need to see this!” You heard the rocker he was sitting in scrape across the floor as you grabbed your cell phone.
“Did you see it?” Lyla practically shouted as you rewound the news story for Jax.
“Yea. Showing Jax now. I gotta get ahold of Crowley to find him before they do. Let me call you back.”
“We’re coming over.” You heard Opie say in the back ground. You didn’t even get a chance to respond before she hung up. You pushed pause on the TV as Jax ran into the kitchen looking confused and a little panicked.
“Look.” You said as you pointed to Chibs’ mugshot and hit play; turning up the volume to counter Thomas’ now almost screaming to get your attention and John’s cries at the noise. Behind your back, Jax grabbed a package of Oreo’s from the cabinet and gave one to each son, effectively silencing them as you single handedly finished lunch while calling Crowley.
“Well hello kitten. Haven't heard from you in a while.”
“Still having a little bit of trouble erasing mental images from my mind, sorry. Hey, I need a demon power favor.” Crowley chuckled as you grabbed a pre-made, crust free peanut butter and jelly sandwich from the fridge and put it on Thomas’ plate.
“And what would that be, dove?” You smirked, knowing he would not like your request as you put the phone on speaker and leaned back against the counter.
“First, I want you to know you are on speaker, in my kitchen and the boys are in here for lunch. Second… Chibs managed to escape from Folsom this morning. I need you…
“Over my dead body am I saving that wretched, cock sucking, dick for brains wanker!”
“Hey! Kids!” Jax shouted as he muted the TV.
“And technically, you are already dead so I guess that works too. Consider it payment for your summer of love?”
“You are a… horrible individual, (Y/N).” Crowley said as he hung up the phone. You laughed as you put the phone down on the counter down and looked at your now chocolate covered sons to see why they were so quiet.
“Really, Jackson? Oreos?” You husband looked at his sons with a look of almost pride and shrugged.
“They were hungry. Couldn’t let them starve.” You rolled your eyes as you spooned mac and cheese onto the plate with the sandwich.
“You can handle pre-nap bath time for that one then.” You said as you handed him Thomas’ plate at the same time that your entry way turned into a European screaming match.
“Take yer filthy English ‘ands of me, ye weasel-headed bastard!”
“Oi! I’m here as a fucking favor and I’m fucking Scottish, you twat!”
“Like fuckin’ ‘ell…” You went running out of your kitchen with an uncontrollable smile on your face.
“Whoa! Easy killer!” You said as you and Jax rounded the corner at the same time Opie and Lyla ran through your front door. Chibs, who was still dressed in a prison uniform, brandishing a hand made shiv looked around at the four of you in utter shock as Thomas shrieked at the sound of his uncle’s voice.
“REE!” He screamed as he came running out of the kitchen, covered in chocolate and Kraft cheese sauce.
“Who is this handsome… yet extremely dirty fella, hmm? Can’t be my little Thomas?” Crowley said as he picked up his nephew he hadn’t seen in a year.
“Ye’s all are dead!” Chibs finally said as he looked around the room.
“Not quite. We are as dead as you will be by the end of the day, however.” Jax said as you and he looked over at Crowley. The King, feeling the eyes on him as he tried to wipe chunks of cookie out of his nephew’s hair, looked over at you with his eye brows raised.
“Was that a question…” he started. You arched your eyebrow with a small smile and Crowley groaned and rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, alright. I’ll kill the bloody cunt.”
“Language!” You snapped as Crowley walked into the kitchen with Thomas to finish lunch.
“Bloody hell! When did this one shoot up?!” Crowley called out.
“This one?” Chibs asked as you stepped back into the kitchen to answer Crowley.
“Our other son. Turns one tomorrow, actually. John Filip.” Jax said. You looked back at your friend as his eyes filled with tears and you nodded.
“You were there for me when we needed you. I had to honor that memory some how.” You said softly as you gestured him into the kitchen. Chibs nodded slightly as he followed you; stopping to give Jax a fast hug.
“Oh, love. It’s mini-ye.” Chibs said as he stopped next to you and looked across the kitchen at your youngest.
“Oh no. He may look like me but that little boy is Jax’s mini. Tommy is mine.” You said as you watched Crowley airplane mac and cheese into John’s mouth. With a small smile you pat your friends shoulder. “Come on… let’s go talk.”
Part 33
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Can I Be Him? (Harry Styles Mini Series)
This is the start of a new mini series that I hope you guys enjoy! I have a big storyline ready for this, filled with ups and downs, so I do hope that you guys love the story as much I had loved writing it! Il be updating again on Friday morning/night for some people. This is it! Any requests? Please send them here and ill get back to you asap, Enjoy! -K
Warnings: Anger/Fluff
Word Count: 6K
Pairing: Harry and Y/N
Harry’s POV
“Harry you cant just keep on changing the channel, that’s so annoying” Y/N’s voice ran through my ears as I was running my thumb over the remote, being bored out of my mind with the amount of shit that is on telly these days. Me and Y/N have been best friends since I met her through mutual friends about 2 years ago. We instantly clicked which is very rare for me because every girl I’ve met has either wanted to sleep with me or use me for fame. But because Y/N is a well known YouTuber she doesn’t need the fame side of life. Even though she has a completely different job she still has the same side to the life that I live, which I think its also why we became so close because we knew how hard it was. Knowing that someone understood what my reality was like really refreshing.
Just looking over at her lovely shining blonde coconut scented hair falling onto her shoulders so beautifully, her tanned skin from the warm LA summer glows around her arms and her kissable cheeks. Her little pink floral dress flowing down her beautiful legs makes her so innocent and cute, she just makes me want to fall in love with her. In some ways I look at her and the little things she does, it just makes me want to cuddle her, kiss her, just have her be mine.
“But Y/N love there is literally nothing on TV right now” I looked over at her with that certain look on her face. I knew what she was up to. “Y/N. No.” “No what?” “Your not getting this remote” “I wasn’t going to get it from you, I was just thinking about food. We need food” The smirk never left her face when she was staring right in my eyes, never letting go of them. Her hands started to make their way up to my arms, and she quickly grabbed it from my hand and tried to get up from the sofa, but of course, I got her in time and pulled her down onto my lap as her tiny giggled left her lips so smoothly. “Harry stop oh my god, I’m sorry, stop” I continued to tickle her stomach as she was trying to fight off my hands around her waist. “Give me them back” “Okay fine, here, you win” Her hand came up to my face to give me the remote back. In my mind I wanted her to keep it so I could touch her, to feel her soft skin against my fingertips sent shivers up my spine.
A sudden knock on the door to her apartment startled our play fighting, which then she got up off of me to get it. The laughter still coming from her is so heart warming because I know I make her happy, and that defiantly makes me happy. A male voice was coming from the front door, then it made its way into the living room where I sat. Oh no. Not him. Y/N’s boyfriend Matt. I really hate that guy. Not because I want to be with Y/N and I’m jealous, but just the simple fact that he can fuck her over whenever he is ‘bored’ of her and wants to break up with her whenever he wants. She comes crawling to me when he’s done wrong and when I’ve talked her out of even talking to him again they are back together again. He just blows my mind how he even sleeps at night knowing that he treats women like that.
“hey man how’s it going?” Matt’s voice went straight through my ears that day, is voice angering me by the second. “Eh, I didn’t know that Harry was here?” Y/N came walking into the living room behind him like a lost puppy, with an red expression on her face. “Yeah, he was just hanging around, I hope that’s okay?” Her innocent, quiet voice responded which obviously registered with the asshole but didn’t acknowledge it. He gave a over the top sigh and walked back to the hall towards the front door. She shouldn’t have to ask him, if she wants to hang out with me she can. She doesn’t need his permission, which is probably what he liked about it. “Make sure your out here in like 2 minutes, I’m not waiting here forever for you” He demanded quiet dominantly to say the lest, out to Y/N making her almost jump out of her skin. “Yeah H I’m guna have to go, um, you can let yourself out” She expressed out chirpy. Her flustered expression told me a different story. It hurts me so much to see her like this, she’s not happy and I see that. And I completely understand why. “Yeah that’s fine, are you okay though, love?” I quickly got up off of the sofa to make my way over to make sure she was okay, but she backed away as if I was going to do something to her, like she was afraid of me. “Yeah of course, just cant leave him waiting, you know the way he goes” Again that same awkward giggle came out of her mouth while she was putting on her shoes. “See you later Harry” She said and sprinted out through the door as fast as she could to make sure he wouldn’t get angry at her for keeping him waiting. She deserves so much better than this, she deserves me.
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Y/N sent a text saying that she wanted to meet at mine for a chat, which is a normal thing for us, but for some reason it felt weird. I know it was only a text but she never gets this dry through text message. I just knew that something wasn’t right. I start to get abit antsy, fidgeting my fingers and my knees shaking. I couldn’t keep my gaze off of my phone in case she rang to cancel or something, because recently that’s all she’s been doing.
A knock on the door brought me back from my deep thoughts and I ran to answer, and of course it was Y/N. “Hey H” I let her in through the door and just looked at her. She looked so beautiful. But her eyes, her eyes are bloodshot, she looked drained, she didn’t seem like the Y/N I know. I’ve never seen this side to her at all. “Are you okay? C ’mere” I slowly reached out to give her a hug but again, she backed away as if I was going to hurt her or something. “Can we talk?” “Of course, come into the kitchen so I can make us tea” I walked into the kitchen to put the kettle on when I hear a low whimper come from her lips. “This will be a quick visit, so I might as well come out and say it” My head darted around towards her and just looked at the tears coming from her bloodshot eyes. “Y/N” I walked slowly closer to her but not too close, she obviously needed some space. “I cant hang out with you anymore, H” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “What?” Her eyes diverted to her hands while she talked to me, keeping her distance away. “Yeah, um, Matt isn’t really that comfortable that me and you are friends so, um, I feel like he’s right. We do need to distance each other” “You cant be serious? Your my best friend, I see you almost everyday” The blood started to rush to my head making it dizzy. The heaviness in my chest was getting worse, the panic was forming in my stomach for her. I would love to know what he was saying to her to manipulate her into thinking this was a good idea. “Yeah I know, and Matt feels uncomfortable about it, and I feel like I would ask him the same if he was seeing some girl everyday, more than me. So, I really am sorry Harry but I need to give him my full attention. And with you in the picture I cant do that for him” “Y/N we have been friends for almost 2 years, I know you in and out. Look at you. Look at what your asking of me here. We are the closest he have ever been and now this asshole shows up you expect me to b-“ “Hey he is not an asshole. I love him Harry, and id do anything to make him happy” “Even give up your best friend? Wow Y/N I didn’t think you would have stooped that low to make him happy. What has he done to make you happy? What big changes has he made?” Her face wasn’t leaving the floor the entire time she spoke to me. I hate having to express how I feel after months of thinking it. “Well, nothing. I don’t think he needs to change anything. I love him the way he is” “Y/N that isn’t love. If you think that the way he is treating you is a sign of him loving you then you need to re-evaluate your ‘relationship’, if that’s what you even would call it. He treats you like shit and you think that that’s a healthy relationship? Seriously Y/N” My temper felt as if it was burning me alive. I felt like she wasn’t listening to me. It was like talking to a brick wall, and as far as she was concerned it seemed like she didn’t even care to fight for our friendship through his whole thing. She just agreed for an easy life. “So is this the way you’ve been feeling the entire time that we have been seeing each other then?” She finally lifted her face and looked up at me, with rage starting to fill her. “Yes actually. And you know why I have them feelings towards him? Because he is asking you to stop talking to the guy that was there for you when he tried to hit you, cheated on you, mentally abusing you to the point where you didn’t know if you were coming or going. Y/N I was there for you when that wanker treated you like shit. Who was the one that held you all night because you were afraid of him storming into your apartment? Me. Who was the one that took care of you when there was low points of your relationship? Me. Who wa-“ “Okay I get it Harry you were there. But he has changed. He is still working on himself but he has changed so much, so I feel like I should try this time, for our relationship to work. Harry I need this relationship to work. Out of all people I thought you would have understood what situation I’m in” “No actually, I don’t know what’s going through your brain at the minute. The Y/N I knew would have laughed in his face and told him to fuck off for being such a cunt to you. Where is she?” A long silence filled the room. Dead silence. I never thought that the silence would have been so deafening. We couldn’t stop staring at each other in this moment. I didn’t want to talk anymore, I think my facial expression made my feelings clear to her. “I’m sorry H, but I need to do this to save my relationship. I love him. I have to” I wanted to speak and say that I loved her. But right there, trying to get words out and stop her from leaving, nothing came out. She gave a small smile and walked out of my house. Out of my life.
Y/N’s POV
Everything had changed since that day when I left his house. It was like I was morning for him. I never thought I would have been in that position to do that but at the time if felt like it was the right thing to do. But looking back at the whole situation and that day, I feel like I should have tried to save our friendship. And through out this whole mess, nothing had changed between me and Matt, except I didn’t have my best friend there by my side telling me that everything was going to be okay. Thinking about the last time I had seen him just made my stomach drop, and seeing the way I treated him was just heart breaking. And knowing I cant pick up the phone and call him to see how is day is going and having our normal routine just really is messing with my head. “Y/N why are you being so quiet, what’s wrong?” Matt startled me as he walked into the kitchen as I was making us dinner. “Nothing, just cooking” He sat down at the table while I was setting the table for us. We were having friends over for dinner and a few drinks, just the typical Friday night for us now. Which always leads into a big stupid fight, especially when Matt is drinking. That never helps. “Did you get beer?” His blunt question gave me a hint that he was testy and a little pissed about something, probably me again. “Yeah its in the fridge” His response was a huff noise, the usual noise I get now a days.
Once his friends arrived into the apartment we started eating. Yeah, you heard me right. I never got to invite any of my friends. Well since I started to get serious with him I kind of fell out with them all, and the one that stung most was Harry. Once we had finished eating they made their way over to the living room to watch a football match which had started, and of course there was a lot of snacks, beer and shouting. Which didn’t appeal to me in the slightest. I sat in the kitchen still and opened up my phone. I was on Instagram and came across a fan account of me and Harry. I clicked onto it and seen a lot of hashtags with our ship name on it. Of course I was immediately intrigued so I clicked on them which blew up loads upon loads of pictures of me and H, real and fake. Some were manips which people Photoshop our faces onto bodies, which I found kinda weird. But looking at our real photos brought back so many memories. Pictures from Jamaica when I was over keeping him company while he was making his album, us getting hammered at my YouTube parties, having a good laugh, videos of us dancing in his living room that some how got leaked through Anne’s phone. Seeing these picture just made me want to cry and smile at the same time. I just missed my H, and his family. Since we stopped talking I didn’t even talk to Anne or Gem, which I was so close with along with harry. Sometimes he would have got funny jealous and always made jokes about they were stealing me away from him and did scenarios like that. “You not coming into watch the game with us or are you just going to sit there like a loner” Matt came into the kitchen with beer in hand looking at me on my phone. “Yeah ill be in in a minute” I never wanted to stop looking at these photos.
Once the dinner was over and everyone left I started to clean up the living room and kitchen, and of course he didn’t help. “That was a good dinner eh? Didn’t you have fun?” He asked as he walked into the kitchen, which I would have liked him to have went upstairs straight to bed like he always does. But I knew that something was on his mind. “Yeah it was” I mumbled to myself and walked to dry my hands off with the hand towel, looking over at him intently on his phone not even caring if I replied or not. “Um, I’m finished cleaning up here so I’m just guna head to bed” I looked at him, again with him still on his phone not even gazing his attention on what I have said. It was like I wasn’t even there. I decided on not to question him because lets face it, it would have ended up in an screaming argument that would last for hours. Arguing about everything and anything. I walked up and got changed into my jammies and snuggled myself into bed and hoped that I had fell asleep by the time he decided to come to bed. But no, of course not. Stumbling into the room with his shoes fired across the floor, he made his presence known by falling beside me while my back was turned away from him.
“Baby why are you not talking, what’s wrong? Talk to me” He whispered ever so smoothly in my ear. This is the fake Matt. This isn’t who he is at all. Its like he has two different personalities. And to be honest, I don’t like both of them. I pretended to be sleeping and just closed my eyes again, then there was a soft graze along my thigh, and his hand made his way up. “C’mon baby, talk to me, just talk to me” His hands progressively moved to the seem of my shorts, and his fingers made their way into my knickers. “Matt stop, I’m tired” I jumped a little and moved away so I was closer to the edge of the bed. “But baby I’m so hard for you right now, with those little grey shorts on, fuck your so hot” His alcohol intoxicating breath lingered down my neck when he moved closer to my back , with his hands trying to move me around to lye on my back. I knew he was going to force me, but not tonight. “Matt just get the fuck off of me. If I say no, I mean no, okay?” I jumped up out of the bed and yelled at him with fear rising within me. I know I’ve started a big row, but Harry was right. I need to end this. “Y/N you are my girlfriend, if I want sex, I deserve sex” His voice started to raise as he looked at me like I was the devil. “And you are my boyfriend, if I don’t want sex, you should stop bringing it up” My voice got more stern the more my temper rose, my hands were shaking, my head was throbbing but at the same time this felt good to stand my ground. He quickly got off of the bed and made his way over to me with his face scrunched with anger. He pushed me to the wall and pinned my hands to the side of my hips, not leaving contact with my eyes. “You do not speak to me like that” “Well you don’t speak to me like that” Repeating his words was the only thing I had going for me right now. I ran out of any train of thought of trying to get out of this, so of course fear strikes through me. “Don’t you fucking dare speak to me like that” His hands try to force me into the wall, but before he had time to grab a hold of my shoulders I pushed his and stared at him. His stance just motionless, again with his eyes burning into me. “Look at what your doing to me. Do you think that this is okay the way your treating me right now? Do you think that this is a good relationship? Matt you scare the living death out of me one hundred percent of the time your with me. I shouldn’t be scared of my boyfriend” Tears started to form in my eyes, but I didn’t want to let him see that he got to my emotions, I wouldn’t let him break me in any way. “Your not scared of me, I’m your boyfriend for god sakes, I’m not doing anything wrong here” Disbelief wasn’t even the word. “You cant be serious. You don’t think your doing anything wrong? So do you think trying to hit me all the time is a good relationship? Do you think that pushing me up against a wall because I wouldn’t have sex with you is the right way to treat your girlfriend?” “Um, well, no not really” His voice started to calm down as my words started to sting him, well so I hoped they did. But he ahs never gotten quiet at a argument that we have, so its different. “I’m glad your starting to see that now because I’m getting sick and tired of being treated like shit on your shoe” I walked over to grab my converse and hoodie and started to walk down the stairs. “Y/N where do you think your going?” His voice starting to raise again made me see that my speech didn’t take to long to leave his stupid brain. “I’m done” “What do you mean your done?” “I’m fucking done with this relationship Matt. I cant be walking around egg shells around you. I feel as if I’m in prison and whatever I do is wrong in our house, in our lives and in this relationship. I’m fucking done getting put down every single day of my life. I cant believe I wasted my time on you” The words just rolled off of my tongue, like word vomit. And you know what? It felt amazing to get it off of my chest. I grabbed the car keys and went to grab the door handle when his hand blocked mine. “You cant just walk out on me” “You know what Matt, you can mess with this house, you can fuck all the girls in the city, but your done messing with me. If you say one more word, I’m going straight to the police station. I have photos of every single mark, scratch and bruise you left on me, and if I’m honest I think the police would love to see that” The smirk on my face was evident as I was looking up at him. You know the saying that a face paints a thousand words? Well his painted one word. Guilt. His hand suddenly lifted off of mine and I quickly opened the door and slammed it so harshly. I ran to the car so quick and got in quickly turning her on, driving as quick as I could so he wouldn’t stop me. At this point, I didn’t know where I was driving. Just thinking of everything that happened within the space of id say twenty minutes was spinning around in my head. I was in pure shock that I actually stood up to him. The first person I wanted to call was Harry, but I just didn’t want to. I couldn’t go back to him after what I had done to him. He must of been heart broken. Plus I don’t know anyone in the city. Once that thought came into my head I had just remembered Gemma is in town, I seen her Instagram’s and her Snapchats of her being here in London. I have to call her. I know she will understand.
“Hello?” Her voice streamed through into my ear, making me so emotional that I gave her whole family up to be with him. But I hope out of the whole family she would understand. “Hey its Y/N” “Oh my god, Y/N, hi! How are you doing?” “I’m doing okay, um, listen, are you still in the city?” “Yeah of course I am sweetie, are you okay?” “Do you mind if you meet me outside Tesco’s down Regent Street?” “Sure just give me like 15 minutes or so” We said our goodbyes and I patiently waited until she arrived. I had wanted to cry for this whole drive, but it seemed like nothing wanted to come out.
I suddenly seen a white rang rover pull up beside mine, dooting her horn. I waved her over to my car and she got out to sit beside me. “Hey sweetie how are you?” The brisk cool winter air nipped my skin as she opened the door, and she looked at me. I looked back to the steering wheel and just stared. I couldn’t bare to look at her with all that I have to say to her. “Y/N, your scaring me what’s going on? What happened?” “I’m sorry that I stopped talking to you guys, and I’m sorry for hurting your brother. Is he okay?” A small sigh came from her as she looked at me with saddened eyes. “No, he’s really not. He has been so torn up about this whole thing with you guys, and to be honest I really missed you. You were my best friend. We all miss you” Thinking about all the good times me and Gem had together was memories that ill never forget, and that’s the moments that I lost out on when I was with him. “I missed you too, so fucking much you have no idea, so, okay, I have to tell you something” “Okay..” Her hand automatically moved to my hands that were sitting on my thigh. Looking down at her hands on mine made me want to crack and breakdown, but I couldn’t show her that side of me. I couldn’t show her that he broke me. I looked back up to her and said it. “I ended it with Matt” Her face turned into shock, disbelief reading from her face. “We got into a fight and I stood up to him and said everything that I was thinking through out our time together, and walked out. I’m so sorry but I didn’t know who else to call at this time of night to talk about this. And I didn’t know if we were on speaking terms but I just needed my best friend back. I’m sorry for not listening to you guys, you have no idea how sorry I am” “Sweetie I am so proud of you. You finally faced him and seen what we were talking to you about. He is the worst guy I’ve ever known and he treated you like complete shit, like you were his slave. We all seen it but felt as if we couldn’t say, because when your in the situation you don’t see it until something happens and it hits you that you aren’t in a healthy environment. I’m so happy for you hunny, c ’mere” Her hands engulfed me into her. Feeling her warm arms wrap around me made me feel at home, I just missed her so much. “I just don’t know if Harry will ever forgive me for what I have done to him, I feel awful about breaking his heart” “Hey, its okay, just give yourself some time and you can come around to the idea of meeting him. You can try texting him but only when your ready. You have so much time on your hands, but right now, you just need to calm down and clear your head” “I know I know. I just feel like right now, thinking about him, and the way he treated me, was the way that I should have been treated. I feel like I’m in love with Harry. Not that all of this has happened I see now that the guy that I was in love with was looking at me and I was looking at the wrong guy” “You just took the words right out of my mouth girlie.” Her eyes were glistening, looking straight at me, with joy or relief, I’m not sure. But I’m so glad that she was here regardless. “Come into my car, your in no state to drive. You can stay at my place until you find a place to stay, okay?” “Okay, thank you” “No problem sweetie” I quickly put on my converse and hoodie, and we both got out of my car and got into hers. She was right. I was in no state to drive anywhere with my head being in one hundred and one places. As she drove to her house I was just looking out at the city lights, the water from the river streaming through London was so refreshing to look out at. It felt like I got out of prison, I felt like I was free, and it was the best feeling in the world.
Once Gemma got me into her house I automatically felt like I was at home, like it was warm and cosy with the candles lit and the smell of cinnamon running through the house just like Harry’s house used to smell like. “So you can sleep in the guest room, its a complete mess because I didn’t know you would have been coming down. If I knew I would have made some what of a effort to make it look good” “No no Gemma, thank you for letting me stay here, I don’t mind what state its in” We both laughed and we made our way upstairs into the guest room, and of course to my assumption, it defiantly wasn’t a mess, it just wasn’t to Gemma standards. “So the joined bathroom is beside the walk in wardrobes, the fresh towels are in the basket beside the sink, and I just washed the linen bed sheets so that was good timing” “Gemma I know I’ve been here before” Her face turned crooked remembering that I was here before. “Sorry yeah, I completely forgot” Thinking back of the times when me and Harry used to sleep in here together because there was no where else for him to sleep and we used to watch movies til 2am and fall asleep on each other non intentionally, but it was natural and comfortable. And the time when I accidently walked in on him showering was defiantly embarrassing, but I was defiantly impressed. But we laughed about it and joked about it in the end. Just the little memories like that really made me miss the good times. And I know that I shouldn’t be thinking about the past but that’s all I have been doing this last couple of weeks. Regret forming more and more in my stomach each day just took a toile on my body emotionally and physically. “Sweetie you look so drained, you’ve had a rough day I know, but I’m sure your glad to be away from him” She walked over and sat me down on the bed and gave me a look of sympathy. The last thing I want is for her to give me sympathy, I don’t deserve it. “Look Gem, I know I treated you guys like shit, and I didn’t mean to. But I brought you guys down with me through out this whole thing and I feel like a complete asshole to not even see what was going on. And I just hope that Harry can see that it wasn’t me. I just miss him so much” Tears started to stream down my pale, colourless face as I looked down and picked at my finger nails. Gemma pulled me closer to her and looked at me. Looking at her just made me see Harry in her. Her eyes and her smile is just a clone of him, and it made me want to cry harder because I knew that there was nothing I could do to talk to him again. “Y/N we don’t hate you in any way, we love you so much and we will always be here for you. If you think that you were to blame in this then you are so silly. He manipulated you into thinking that he loved you when he didn’t. He wanted two different lives. One where he looked like he was settling down and having this fake lifestyle that he wanted everyone to think that he was having. And then behind closed doors he was making you feel bad about being there for him and using you for to make himself look good. And going out and sleeping with all of these girls to feel like he was wanted, to get the attention, but he wasn’t satisfied with the love and attention that you were giving him. I know that you feel like you were in the wrong but it was him one hundred percent. There was nothing that you could have done to save that relationship” At this point I was a sobbing mess. Gemma has never seen me like this before, but it all has to come out eventually. “Then what have I been fighting for? I’ve been trying and trying for what? I’ve gave up everything to be with him and he throws it back in my face?” “Well that’s exactly what he has done, and I’m sorry that its come to this for you to see that he is an idiot but I’m glad that you have seen it” I just cant believe this whole time everyone thought this and I just was too caught up in his games that I didn’t even realised the reality of the situation. “Now, first things first, you look so tired and drained, so I’m guna run you a bath and ill lay out some pj’s for you, then if you want we can watch a movie like old times” She got up to get some pj’s from the closet and brought them back to me. “Thanks Gem but I think ill just go to bed, I’m just exhausted and I haven’t had sleep in so long that I’m actually excited to have a bed to myself” “Of course if that’s what you want ill leave you to it” She came over and gave me another hug. I could hug her forever, it just made me feel like I was at home. Once she left the room I immediately went straight to bed, wrapping myself in the lovely lavender scented sheets. I thought that it would have took me longer to fall asleep than it did, but for some reason I felt like I was automatically happier, like a big weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Falling sleep knowing that he wasn’t going to come in and try to start a fight or try anything on me was the best feeling in the world.
Waking up the next morning was so refreshing. Feeling the warmth of the beautiful English sun streaming in through the curtains was so relaxing. Once I had a moment to remember what had happened last night, the memories automatically weighed in my chest. I was feeling scared to even look at my phone, so I crawled over to the night stand where my phone was sitting and seen all the missed calls and texts from him which surprisingly didn’t annoy me in the slightest. I quickly turned off my phone so I had more time to focus on myself and not have him weighing on my mind all day wondering what he was saying to me. I got up from bed and headed to have a quick shower and came back in remembering I had no clothes for the day. So I just put on my jeans and converse from yesterday, went into the closet and looked through her old hoodies that I could throw on, when I noticed some of Harry’s old band tees folded in the corner of the shelf. I looked through them and picked up one in particular. The Britney Spears one that he got at a random thrift shop in Ohio one year when he was touring. No one knew that we snook out and we decided to go to these old stores that had all these vintage clothes and records. He loved that kinda stuff. I put it to my nose and smelt it, giving that fresh clean detergent smell that just reminded me of him. A knock on my door sprung me back, making me throw the shirt back and I picked up one of the old hoodies throwing it on. “Yeah come in” Gemma came in holding a white and baby blue stripped top in her hand with a cup of something. “Morning Y/N, I figured that you wouldn’t have anything to wear today so I brought this top. I know your a lot smaller than me so just think of it as a oversized shirt” Her giggled made me laugh as she brought over the shirt and a cup of coffee. “I’m not sure whether you still drink this coffee but here, its the only one I have” “No Gem I love it, thank you” I quickly put on the shirt and we both sat down on the bed with her looking at me. “Well you seem well rested, how are you feeling?” “Yeah, I could be better, still don’t feel good. But you know, its been rough” “I know” I took a sip of the bland coffee, and even though she makes the most horrible coffee, I missed it. “But the main thing that’s killing me is Harry. I know I keep on bringing it up, but its true.” “I know hunny its guna be rough, but take some time and it will work out” “I know” he face turned into a crooked smile and took my hand. “Okay lets bring you downstairs and get you something to eat” “Gem I need to dry my hair, and besides I’m not even hungry” Her hands brought me down the stairs into the kitchen, and that’s when I seen him sitting at the kitchen table looking straight at me. Harry.
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Darkness is bliss (1/3)
Originally posted this on my side-blog (fyre-pyre)
!! English is not my first language and I do not spell check because I am a lazy bum !! // edit: okay, I tried to spell check this time...
Author: fyre-pyre
Pairing: Loki x Reader (Y/N)
Warnings: Language, Smut, lovemaking in the dark, kinda maledom, Reader being Loki’d.
Summary: You are guarding Lokis cell in a SHIELD facility without knowing who he is. Even if he has never seen you, he starts talking about his sexual encounters to you. Of course he knew you would hear every word in the security room. You made a ritual out of listening to him and later thinking about him in your bed. Until the night, the lights went out…
PART 1
PART 2
PART 3
The day you started working for SHIELD you thought it would come down to fill out paperwork, staple sheets you don't understand and maybe seeing the avengers on a special festivity. But life does what it does and so you're here, watching the seven monitors in front of you. Each one showing the insides of the seven cells in the facility. When corruption tore SHIELD up, they needed every loyal employee they could find. They put you in this abandoned basement without asking you, so you were more than a little pissed about this whole situation. The worst thing about it was that only two of the seven cells were inhabited. One of the prisoners was the “noisy brat”. You gave him that name after two days of watching over his ass screaming for a personal meeting with “this rich wanker Stark” the whole day. You didn't even need to put on the microphone in his cell. You could hear him through three thick walls of massive steel. The other prisoner was far more interesting. You didn't know his name or what he did. But what you did know was that he was tall, calm and had long black hair that made him the most handsome man you ever saw. Sometimes you caught a glimpse of his blue eyes and you scared your pants off. Not because he looked evil (which he was obviously, imprisoned by SHIELD and all) but because the color was so intense you wanted to see it up close. If the color was anything near the one displayed on your monitor, you would not be able to look away. Sometimes he looked right into the cameralense as if he knew that you were watching over him. It felt like he looked not only into your eyes, but into your soul. And his voice. His voice was made out of pure sexiness.
On the second week you worked in the prison he started talking to you. Or rather talking to himself while looking into the camera. He started talking about how advanced the prisons of his home were compared to this one. Sometimes he told stories about how he tricked his brother into a cell because he put his toy in it. But those were not the stories that made you curious. Every time, before change of shifts, he began telling a story about the women he seduced. He pointed out every detail of his sexual encounters and sometimes he even stopped for a minute, closed his eyes and let out a soft moan before going on. As if he was remembering every second of his promiscuity. And because you were as sex-starved as someone can be, you absorbed every word like a sponge. It made you tremble and shake. Even if you had never seen him in person, just his image on the monitors made thinking of him in your bed at night. You started to anticipate the end of your shift not because you could go home, but because you could go home with a hot wetness between your legs.
It was two hours until the end of your shift when he started again. “Did I already tell you the story of the beautiful Gaetia?” He glimpsed at the camera, the hair fell loose around his sharp face. His beautiful voice immediately got your attention. “She was the love interest of my dear brother. He wanted to prove his worth one night by jumping of a cliff. But she had other plans that night. Plans that involved a very curious tongue and silk.” You clenched your fists and concentrated on his frame on the monitor. “Keep going” you whispered to his image. He chuckled as if he had heard you, then went on. “She took me to her room and I think she tried to keep control.” He chuckled again and stood up from his bed, walking towards the security camera. “She took off her clothes and shoved me on her bed. I just sat there, staring at her naked body. I ordered her to come closer and I think that was the moment she realized that I am not to be controlled by a female.” He now looked right at the camera, right in your eyes. “She leaned forward to lightly brush her lips with mine. She wanted more but I stood up and pushed her back until she was pinned to the wall. I told her not to move, so she didn't. I remember her hot breath against my hand as I put it over her mouth and tweaked her nipple with my fingers.” Your breath came faster as he talked and you felt a soft pain between your legs. You always loved dominant men. Especially if they had the most beautiful eyes you had ever seen. What are you doing here? Listening to memory-porn of a prisoner. “I remember telling her to not move and not make a sound while stroking her soft curves.” You held your breath as he continued “and then I got on my knees and...” You turned up the sound to understand every word he whispered. Every inch of your body was strained like a wire rope. When he continued all you heard was a piercing shriek from the other cell: “Fuck you, Iron Man!”. You immediately turned down the volume for both cells and cursed the technician who put both microphones on the same switch. Out of shock you must have pushed another button on the console as the lights went off in all seven cells. “Fuck (Y/N), you fucking stupid… fuck.” You panicked and tried to turn it back on but all you could hear was a computer voice telling you, that the main switched failed and that you needed to turn the cell lights back on manually. By hand. In each cell. Holy Shit. Your eyes widened as you remembered one of the instructions back when you started. This happens sometimes. Every Switch for the light is behind the first steel door of the cell. Every cell had one big gate made of steel followed by a giant glass tank. Which meant if you went to turn on the lights in your favorite prisoners cell, all that separates you would be a very see-through glass wall. You closed your eyes for a second. You could just leave and let the night-guard do it. But then you had to explain how that happened. And you were terrible at lying.
You took a deep breath and took the card that would open the doors from your desk and a tiny flashlight out of your bag. “Okay, (Y/N). You got this. You are a professional.” You told yourself while walking towards the first door. You held the see through ID-card in front of a laser and it opened slowly. In front of you was a long grey hallway with three cells on each side. The first one to your right was the one of noisy brat. The biggest one on the other end of the hallway, was his. At first you wanted to put the light for noisy brat back on, but the moment you touched the card scanner, you heard him scream: “I swear to god I am going to rip this fucking dude apart and I am going to kill everyone in this fucking facility!” You immediately backtracked. “Okay, maybe not.”, You whispered and went to the cell of Mr Sexy Voice instead. You turned on the flashlight and tried to breath normally. When you opened the door with your ID-card, the blaze of your flashlight got reflected by the glass wall so you couldn't really see a lot. You stepped in, the door behind you shut and your flashlight died. Now everything was pitch-black. “Well, what do we have here.” You closed your eyes. His voice send goosebumps all over your skin. It was even more sexy in reality. Next to this booming voice the tinny noise over the speakers in the security room was nothing. “I am sorry, I just have to turn the lights back on.” Wow, you didn't even sound too unprofessional or shaking while you slapped your flashlight on your palm to persuade it to work again. Which it didn’t. You heard a soft chuckle. “I could be of help to you, love. But unfortunately, this cage restrains my powers.” You thought about that for a moment. “Powers?” You asked carefully. Footsteps coming closer. How he managed not to walk against the glass in this darkness was a total miracle to you. “Don’t you know who I am, darling?” He asked whispering. Thank god there was a big ass glass wall between you and him. He send shivers down your spine. And this time, not the good ones. Before you could even think about an answer, something grabbed your arm and you found yourself pinned to cold metal. You heard the sound of your ID-card and the flashlight falling to the ground. It must have been the door you felt on your back.
You couldn't move as a warm body was pressed against your chest. You tried to scream but a hand covered your mouth. “I am...” a hot breath right next to your ear. “Loki of Asgard. They call me god of mischief.” Every inch of your body froze. You heard stories about Loki. He tried to conquer earth and killed 80 people in two days before the avengers could stop him. And the brother, the one he told you the stories about, was Thor, god of thunder. You started to hyperventilate through your nose. How could he get out of the glass cage? And more important: what was he going to do with you? And why the hell would they let only you guard over the most dangerous guy on earth?He lowered his head and you could feel his mouth on the most sensitive spot on your neck. You felt soft lips on your skin before he softly bit into it. You let out a high squeak and tried to shove him away. You didn't know what it was, the dark, the bite or his oh so sexy voice, but you felt arousal grow in your lower body. As if he had known what you thought, his hand moved from your mouth to your chest, softly touching your breast through the thin material of your blouse as he bit you again. After every bite, he slowly slid his wet tongue over the spot. Now both of his hands stroke over your body and your breath came even faster than before. This can’t be happening right now, you thought. But before you could stop yourself, your hands moved to his shoulders and gripped the linen of his shirt. As if he waited for your approval, he sped up and grabbed your waist, raising you like a feather. Out of pure reflex you put your legs around his waist. “Good girl.” he muttered against your neck with a smirk. Now his bites weren't as gentle as before. You knew you shouldn't do this. It could cost you your job. But god, it was so long ago. And this felt so good. You let out a moan and pulled him tighter to you until one of his hand grabbed your hair and pulled it back. His mouth left your neck and put them on your lips. The kiss was wild and rough and everything you needed. When his tongue explored your mouth you felt a hot wetness in your most sensitive area. He pushed his hips towards your body and you felt him harden against your belly. For a moment you got scared as you realized, how long his dick was. He was a lot taller than every man you had before him. You thought about backing down but rejected that idea out of hand when his hand slid between your legs, softly massaging you over your pants.
This time your moan was louder and he kissed you even harder. He pulled your hair back again, forcing you to leave those sinful lips. “Are you wet for me, love?” he whispered, while pressing his hand to your labia. You nodded but then remembered that it was pitch-black and muttered: “Yes”. Suddenly you felt how he opened you pants with one hand, sliding his other hand from your head to your neck. “I need prove.” was all he said, before he put his long fingers in your pants, immediately finding your core. Your grasp around his shoulders got tighter as you bit your lips and tried to hold in a groan. He put his lips to your ears and bit into your lobe as he put one long finger inside your hot entrance. “Oh, god!” you cried out as you felt your muscles contract around him. He snickered and started moving his hand on your center and whispered: “God of mischief, to be correct, darling”. He kissed you again, this time slower and more passionate than before while his hand performed wonders in your pants. Every rub, move and twitch of his fingers brought you closer to the edge. And then, all of a sudden, he breathed: “You will come for me, (Y/N)” and you fell. Every muscle in your body contracted and you must have moaned in ecstasy, as the light switched on and the door behind your back opened. You landed on your butt in the hallway still breathing heavy while your eyes tried to adapt to the sudden brightness.
“(Y/N)? What are you doing? Is everything alright?” You turned around to see the voice speaking to you. It was Hamilton, the guard for the night running towards you. Oh god, he had seen you with Loki. You turned back, still sitting on the ground and you saw him. In his glass cage. Resting on his bed, focusing you with his blue eyes. “But… how?” you muttered. His grin was the last thing you saw, before the door to his cell shut.
#marvel#marvel smut#loki smut#loki x reader#loki laufeyson#loki imagine#marvel reader insert#loki fanfiction
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