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samwhump · 1 month

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a (very inexhaustive, wincest-heavy) sam whump reclist

@transfemmesam asked me for Sam whump recs a few days ago, and I've had other requests in the same vein before (I can't imagine why.../s) so I thought I would throw this together, since these authors deserve all of the love and support for their contributions to our li'l fandom corner.

like I mentioned in the title, this is not at all a comprehensive list; I have at least ~200 more fics in my to-read queue that could thematically fit here, but alas, I have stupid shit like a job and a body and a dog to take care of, so. I'm always happy to get recs along these lines, so if you notice anything important missing, hit me UP. (and don't take any omissions as any specific commentary by me -- it's likely I just haven't had the chance to read it yet, haha.)

disclaimers:

some (most, honestly) of these contain potentially triggering and dark content, including but not limited to rape/noncon, torture, and suicidal attempts & ideation. I have tried to note content warnings where applicable, and most of the works are hosted on ao3, so the tags should have most of the information you need to make an informed decision. that being said, tread with caution. all of the summaries provided are from the original author, with warnings added after by me.

the list is in alphabetical order and separated into wincest and gen categories. a lot of the gen is also focused on the sam & dean relationship, because...I am what I am. and what I am a sucker for these two dipshits. there is also a brief section at the end with a few fics that don't fit into either category.

gen

All That Goes Unspoken by amnesiawife:

A case forces Sam to confront something long kept buried. (Set nebulously in season 12.)

CW: discussions of past rape/noncon, victim blaming

Beneath the Trees 'verse by Lise (5 works total, starting with Beneath the Trees, Where Nobody Sees):

Sam doesn't go to Stanford. Everything goes downhill from there.

CW: suicidal ideation

a boy is a cage by ad_castra:

After expelling Gadreel from Sam's body, Dean thinks they're in the clear. If only they were that lucky. // S9 fic wherein Gadreel's grace causes some adverse side-effects in Sam's mind.

CW: past referenced rape/noncon, body horror

body of proof by Askance (doomcountry):

There are things Sam hasn't told his brother. They're all in the envelope laid on Dean's pillow.

CW: heavy discussion of past rape/noncon

break these bones 'til they're better by redskyatmorning:

After Sam’s torture at the hands of the British Men of Letters, the latest in a long string of violations, he is rescued by Dean and Mary – and forced to ponder his broken relationship with his own body. Months later, when Sam is resurrected and tormented by Lucifer yet again, Dean confronts Mary and Sam gets his revenge against the devil.

catching my death (staring out an open window) by ad_castra:

Sam gazes at the window, catches the faint pink hue tinting the sky. It’s so realistic - he could breathe in the fresh air if he were really here. ----- They got Sam out. Sometimes, just knowing that isn't enough.

CW: implied past rape/noncon

Death of Convenience by WilsonTheMoose:

It should have been easy. Wendigos are no joke but daylight slows them. The weather's been unpredictable though and perfect, idyllic hunts don't exactly stay that way where they're concerned. Or Sam has one card to play and never stops to think that Dean would care if he killed himself.

CW: suicidal ideation, references to suicide

Echoes of Hell by The_Nightbreaker:

It wasn't real. He wasn't in Hell anymore. That's what he tried to tell himself over and over. But two centuries of torture don't disappear in a day. Sam struggles with visions of Hell, fighting to maintain his grip on reality. Dean hates that he can't protect his brother from what isn't real—but curse him if he doesn't try. When the boys stumble on a case with ties to the Devil himself, will they be able to pull themselves together in time to stop the sacrifices? Or will the echoes of Hell finally overtake them? Aka, season 7, but the plot is Hell trauma, not leviathans.

CW: suicidal ideation

Evening Shadows by withthekeyisking:

Sam is hallucinating the monster who tortured him for nearly two centuries, Dean feels like he's failing his brother, and a diner waitress bears witness.

CW: past rape/noncon

Everything Dies Given Time by Lise:

AU from 5.03. Sam discovers something wrong with himself, and learns to live with it. Only a lot less functional.

CW: suicide/temporary character death

The Freedom to Be Loud by jribbing:

It hadn’t occurred to Dean that maybe Sam remembered so much about that little nowhere town because something memorable had happened there.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

golgotha by redskyatmorning:

There’s a vacancy on the throne of hell, and Sam is desperate enough to save Dean from Michael’s possession to give into the abyssal depths of his own darkness.

Head Space by ameliacareful:

A witch curses Sam leaving him blind, deaf, and bedridden. Left with only the inside of his own head and the occasional touch, Sam begins to unravel.

CW: suicidal ideation

Hiraeth by inkandpaperqwerty:

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past "Dean... I made a really big mistake." For a second, Dean actually thought things were going okay. He was out of Hell, Sam agreed to stop drinking demon blood, they had just wrapped up a successful hunt... for once, everything was okay. And then it wasn't. "I overdosed." Not at all.

CW: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation

if i could leave (i would've already left) by serendipity0930:

“I have a mission from God for you,” the Angel whispers to the man. “It is time for you to do what you were born to.” The man’s face twists into a smile, delighted over being chosen by Him, a purpose from God digging into his heart, carving out a place to fester. “Hunt.” ... 05x03 AU where Zachariah is even more determined to keep the brothers apart and hunters are all too willing to take Lucifer's True Vessel off the board for good

CW: referenced suicide

It's A River (But Not In Egypt) by Lise:

He's still a liar. Maybe always has been.

CW: toxic Sam/Lucifer dynamics

Kindred Instruments by PinBitch:

They’re in a tug of war and Sam is the rope. He doesn’t need to be alive for that. OR Sam dies in detox, being flung against the walls of a metal box will do that to you. Dean and Ruby pick up the pieces.

CW: temporary main character death, permanent supporting character death

lazarus trick by katsidhe:

Sam's alive, so everything is gonna be okay. 13.22 coda.

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence by Lise:

Sam's back. He's in one piece. That's the problem.

CW: self-harm

love is like ghosts by redskyatmorning:

I’m poison, Dean had said instead of I’m sorry. Well, Sam wants to say, what does that make me? What the hell does that make me? (A look into Sam's mind in the aftermath of the Gadreel possession.)

The Other Brother by RadioFriday:

Sam and Adam are pulled from the cage at the same time. Sam is not right, and Adam, stuck as his caretaker, is not pleased.

Oxygen by inkandpaperqwerty:

“Cas! Cas, please! Please, answer me! Cas!” Castiel ignores Dean for several minutes, but then Dean gives him an opening that might help him complete his mission. So, he goes to investigate, and what he finds is a very bloody, nearly dead Sam. Dean tells him where the injuries came from, and Castiel quickly becomes confused. It doesn't make sense, but Dean tries to explain it to him, and slowly... Castiel begins to understand.

CW: suicide attempt

Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc by AmberSock:

Sam waits, kneeling, for his execution. What if Dean hadn't missed?

CW: temporary character death

Safety In Distance by GalaxyThreads and SpiritClusters:

The Mark of Cain is a brand of violence. Sam was an idiot to think that he'd be exempt from it, just because he and Dean are siblings.

sometimes a kind of singing by adi_rotynd:

Sam gets cursed. They're dealing with it. Jack can see souls. That one they're not dealing with quite as well.

CW: past referenced rape/noncon

Soul Windows by GalaxyThreads and Spirit Clusters:

A few months after his birth, Jack learns how to see souls. Then he comes to a realization about the Winchester brothers, Sam in particular, and it's not a pleasant one. (gen)

Starry Night by keepcalmsmile:

Sam attempts suicide-by-monster. Dean tries to help. It sort of works...until it doesn't.

CW: suicide attempts, suicidal ideation

such fragile, broken things by The_Bookkeeper:

Sam wishes that Dean would just get it over with already.

The Tale of Sir Galahad by keepcalmsmile:

Sam once said he could never be clean like Sir Galahad. Dean assumed he was just talking about the demon blood. Turns out, Sam was talking about something else too. WARNING: Extended discussions of the aftermath of rape and childhood sexual abuse (but NO description of the actual events). Happy(ish) ending, but potentially very triggering.

CW: past rape/noncon, mentioned CSA

They Hammered in His Teeth by jribbing:

Sam has a secret.

CW: suicidal ideation

today's troubles (are history tomorrow) by a_good_soldier:

"It's not really something I know how to share," Sam had said. In which Dean figures he ought to help Sam out a bit.

Touch and Go by themegalosaurus:

Tag to 9.19 (Alex Annie Alexis Ann) in which Dean realises why, exactly, Sam is so angry about what happened with Gadreel.

trust fall by ad_castra:

“I’m nothing like you,” Sam hisses. Nevermind relating to the anguish of going it alone. Nevermind that he knows what it is to be strapped down and forcibly cleansed against his will. Sam wonders if these trials are purifying Crowley as well.

Words Like Glass by broken_cinders:

Dean never figured the cage wouldn't leave a mark. He was prepared for memories, flashbacks, and nightmares. He wasn't expecting the words Sam brought back with him or the way they made him seem just a breath beyond Dean's reach.

Wound and Unwound by fascra:

Sam stops eating spring of his freshman year.

CW: eating disorder

wincest (dean/sam)

Brittle by thecapn:

Sam Winchester has an eating disorder.

CW: eating disorder

Don't You Cry No More by sixtysevenlmpala (schittyfic):

The first time Sam gets badly hurt on a hunt, he doesn’t cry. Dean does.

Fall On Your Knees by dollylux:

Sam doesn't quite make it home on the last day of school before winter break.

The Fall Will Probably Kill You by killabeez:

Set between 7.04 and the aftermath of 7.07. Dean is not as okay as he'd like you to think. Neither is Sam.

CW: self-harm

Feels so good to feel again by Trojie:

The pain keeps Lucifer at bay, at least to start with.

Follow In Your Form by withthekeyisking:

Sam is hallucinating Lucifer in the wake of Cas bringing his Hell Wall crashing down. To make matters worse, it seems like this has his dormant powers flaring back to life.

Last Temptation by merle_p:

Sam is running a fever again, the kind of fever no Ibuprofen or cold compress will bring down, the kind of fever that is eating him up alive, eviscerating him from the inside. He is too hot and too cold and too pale, delirious and shaking, resonating with whatever divine energy the trials are subjecting him to, and Dean is not sure how much longer he can stand to see him be in this state. Because Sam is quite possibly dying, and there is nothing Dean can do to stop it. Because Sam is dying, and he just. Won’t. Shut. Up.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

leeches by Anonymous:

Sam discovers a spell to make everybody forget him. He’s convinced it’s for the best. Pre-Stanford.

CW: attempted kidnapping/torture

Make Thick My Blood by themegalosaurus:

“You’re going to kill me, Dean,” Sam says, eventually. And all Dean can say is, “I think I am.” A season 10 AU, set after 10x14 ('The Executioner's Song'). Cas finds a solution that might cure the Mark of Cain; but if they're going to go through with it, Sam has a terrible price to pay.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

Prophecy of an Abomination by ashitanoyuki:

Sam is kidnapped by fanatically religious hunters and crucified. Coming back from this won't be easy. Canon-divergent from midway through season 2.

Recall by De_Nugis:

Sam's having a hard time telling what's real and what isn't, especially when it comes to some voicemails from Dean.

The Room Upstairs by brokenlittleboy:

Sam comes back from hell, but he’s inside-out and all wrong, and Dean can’t fix him.

CW: mentioned past rape/noncon

Ruin You (and its companion fic Worth) by Mumble_Bee:

Cole fucks Sam with Demon!Dean watching from a devil's trap, snarling that anyone would dare touch what was his. “I told you I don’t care what you do to his face or his blood or his fucking nose,” Dean growled, “but you put your dick anywhere near him and I will end you.” “Better hurry up then, Dean, because I don’t think I can wait much longer.”

CW: explicit rape/noncon

Snowed In by HelloStarlingFics:

When working a case, Sam and Dean get stuck out in a shack in the woods when the snow comes in hard and fast. Trouble is, Sam’s hated the cold ever since the Cage. Time for Dean to step up and look after him.

Wake by minchout:

Gadreel has had Sam for four years, and Dean, lost in guilt and obsessed with finding a way to get his brother back, has isolated himself in a cabin in the Missouri Ozarks with nothing but the woods, a stray dog, some chickens, and all the books the Men of Letters had to offer to keep him company. Then Sam shows up one day without his passenger, and Dean learns quickly that it doesn't matter that Sam is with him again - there is still a lot of work to be done before they can find their way back to each other.

Wanting to Forget by morganaDW (morgana07):

1-shot. S1 fic. After getting Sam freed from the Benders Dean thinks all he has to cope with is some bruises and cuts. He learns quickly just how wrong he is when Sam wakes up with a nightmare, reliving his brief but bad captivity in every detail. Sam just wants to forget & Dean has to try to get him to let him help. Will one night of cruelty and pain ruin what’s been formed between them?

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

when I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place by quake_quiver:

Sam doesn’t remember the last time he cried for Dean like he did that night. And now it’s been…two weeks. Maybe more. Sam is tired, and in pain, and starting to doubt that Dean’s going to show up. He’s weak and shaking from a combination of constant pain and hunger. Sam longs for Dean. Dean would make it better. Dean would fix it.

CW: rape/noncon, body horror

Wire Inside Me by merle_p:

There are a lot of things Sam hates about his current condition, to the point where he sometimes feels for the gun under his pillow at night, blindly toys with the safety, imagines pressing the muzzle into the underside of his chin and pulling the trigger just to make it stop. But there’s nothing he hates as much as the shadows he sees in Dean’s eyes whenever his brother is looking at him these days. It’s not an expression he remembers ever seeing before, but Sam thinks it’s probably something like revulsion. Horror. Disgust. What else could it be.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon, body horror, forced pregnancy

Worth (and its companion fic Ruin You) by Mumble_Bee:

Episode 10x01 "Black" where Dean is a human, and very, very, pissed off to hear someone has hands on his brother. “It’s nothing personal,” Cole whispered into Sam's ear, too quietly for Dean to hear, “but I need to kill your brother, and I need him off his game when he gets here. I don’t wanna hurt you, kid, but I’m going to, anyway. I’m going to hurt you a lot."

CW: explicit rape/noncon

you'll never see us again by according2thelore:

Then finally, his eyes trail over to Dean. His pupils are pin-point thin, and his hair is straggling in his face so Dean can’t see most of what expression lies there. Sam usually wakes up from nightmares in one of three attitudes: confusion, fear, or calm. A scary, sense-prickling calm that Dean hates more than anything else. Resignation, almost. Or: Sam suffers from nightmares and touch starvation post-Cage. They do their best to deal.

other Sam/Lucifer noncon

Cage Fight (No Way To Do This Right) by Dyed_Red:

Sam’s visit to the cage is already going awry, but Dean’s one-man rescue ends up skidding it sideways into territory neither him or Sam are ready for. (Gratuitous episode scene re-write. If Cas hadn’t come till after, if he hadn’t been there yet when Dean ran down to the 'parole' cage after hearing Sam scream - how bad could it have got for the brothers before he made it?)

CW: graphic rape/noncon

Into Being by withthekeyisking:

When Sam wakes up in the cave on Apocalypse World after having been killed by vamps, it's not just to find Lucifer there with him. It's to find him in him.

CW: graphic rape/noncon, necrophilia, forced pregnancy

Reggie/Tim/Sam noncon

a pointless resistance for you by withthekeyisking:

Sam doesn't know how long he's been with Tim and Reggie by the time Dean shows up and tries to take him out of there. Long enough that's he's already lost one baby and is pregnant with the next. Long enough that this life is starting to feel like all he knows.

CW: graphic rape/noncon, forced pregnancy & miscarriage, victim blaming

screaming birds sound an awful lot like singing by withthekeyisking:

Sam has done his best to move past what Tim and Reggie did to him, pretending it never happened at all. But running into them again makes that very difficult—especially when Dean gets involved.

CW: referenced past rape/noncon

Waste 'Em All by withthekeyisking:

When Tim and Reggie try to force the demon blood down Sam's throat, he spits it back out. He has no interest in being turned into their own personal attack dog. They don't...take it well.

CW: explicit rape/noncon

#sam winchester #sam whump #supernatural #supernatural fic rec #wincest

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oops-all-concrete · 4 months

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BG3 fandom! I have more headcanons- but first!!

I must issue a very loud

⚠️SPOILER WARNING⚠️

For The Dark Urge playthrough of Baldurs Gate 3! There is no further warning below the cut, so if you care not to be spoiled, do not continue to read!

For those of you interested- ahead lies: Angst, hurt/comfort, canon-typical violence, blood, mentions of death, no MCD or any perma-death anyway, and lots of love. Greif and pain and emotional hurt are heavy themes as well!

Last warning! ⚠️Spoilers ahead⚠️

I've just gotten to this point in the Dark Urge run (where you reject Bhaal and fucking) DIE, and DUDE- I am stunned companions say NOTHING to your LITERAL DEATH after rejecting Bhaals gift or whatever. (Not in the scenes anyway) So, I'm writing how I think they'd respond cinematically, because your lively Durges deserve to be mourned and loved.

(Of course in-game this would be limited to the dialogue, but I've describes how they would be animated anyhow)

Lae'zel -

She's running to Durge the moment they start lifting from the ground, but pauses once their eyes start rolling back and blackening. There's something beyond her control happening, and she needs it to stop- and it does. With Tav hitting the floor eyes black, soul gone. She's immediately yelling at the others to do something, hand her a scroll, something- but nothing is working. Her shoulder slump after a good few minutes. And finally her voice breaks. She holds a hand to her chest as she wails in agony, holding her Tavs body like it's the last time- because to her- it is. "My angel, my moon. My great protector. I have failed you" She hisses, eyes scrunched shut.

Shadowheart -

She's been afraid her whole life. But even in the face of Bhaal, she will not be afraid if it means Tav will be safer. She immediately casts warding bond, if they're in danger, she'll halve it. If you're going to get hurt, so shall she- and she's okay with that. "Hang on-!" And then it all goes black, she falls without a word or scream, but she's content. If she dies protecting Durge, she cannot ask for better.

(After cutscene convo) Once Durge has been revived by Withers, it's up to them to get a scroll and revive her from the bloodied mess on the floor. She's stunned and confused, but the moment she sees Tav okay she couldn't care less. Why did you do that? "It might sound silly, but I was scared that you would be alone through whatever was about to happen. I don't regret it, if you're wondering"

Wyll -

"Gods- NO!" He shouts, a hand reaching out for them as they hit the ground. He's over them in a flash, holding their head in his arms, trying desperately to wake them, find a pulse, wake up himself and have this all be some sick nightmare. But of course, no such thing happens. The Tav he knows and loves just ceased living before his eyes. There's blood soaking into his every apparel and he's crying his eye out. It crosses his mind. Mizora is powerful- even if she can't fix this, she will know someone or something that can. He'd give anything- his whole life, he'd gladly be a lemure if it gave Tav back. He almost calls for her- until Withers starts his speech. (During the 'your rejection of Bhaal has earned you a place among heroes' section of his dialogue, he'll turn to Wyll and add: 'No devil's, demons or feinds required, I assure you')

Karlach -

If she wasn't raging before, she is now. A tomb-rocking scream echoes around the chamber, eyes wide with horror, body shaking and burning all over, engine out of control but she couldn't care less. One of the others will tell her to calm down. "FUCK THAT! FUCK EVERYTHING! FUCK THE GODS ABOVE AND THE HELLS BELOW." She roars. It goes on, swearing, screaming, swinging- and then, finally- collapse. She drops to her knees and punches the hard ground next to Tavs body, sobbing and exhausted. Withers walks in the the most gut-wrenching agonised scream of why

Gale -

He's frozen as it happens. His hands crackle with weave but he can't move. He needs to do something- anything, but time moves without him. All he knows is he can't breathe, all he can smell is blood and he thinks he's going to be sick. He can hear invisible bones cracking, distant blood dripping and their last choke. The wizard stumbles forward, barely making it to their body before collapsing beside them, on his knees and positively glowing from the mark on his chest. The orb can sense his distress and buzzes within him, as though it can smell the death. He pulls and hand to his mouth, kissing it gently- unable to comprehend a kiss goodbye. "Oh- Gods. Oh my love" he sobs, brows furrowed in what looks like physical pain. "I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." He wheezes out, scarcely finding breath.

Astarion -

He doesn't let their head hit the ground. He's swift as he catches them, but frantic as he sets their head on his thighs as a pillow. He pulls open their eyelids only to find a blackened core beneath, animalistic and distinctly unfamiliar. "Wake up, damn you...not after all this! You don't get to go!" He yells sounding genuinely furious- like he was going to get violent. If any of the others approach he doesn't notice. "We still have a cult to cull, we have a brain to control- I need you!" He yells, voice raw and eyes wet, the anger melting into greif. He makes a sheild of himself over Durge when Withers walks in, dagger/shortsword in hand, teeth bared, despite his damp face.

(Withers greets Astarion: 'Cry no more Spawn of sanguine- the universe is finally in your favour')

(Only Halsin is romanced for obvious reasons, but closeness is still implied for Minsc and Jaheira)

Halsin -

He catches Durge on the way down, their head on his chest as he lays them down over himself. "My heart? Can you hear me? Please say something" He begs hands glowing with healing magic, eyes aglow as well. He tries for a little, but then his breathing changes entirely, a small hushed gasp sounds from him, his he starts shaking his head, eyes wide. "Oh- oh Gods- Silvannus, please- I cannot bear to lose- oh Gods" He gasps, breath becoming harsher- finally letting tears fall. "Oak Father- please, wherever they go- keep them safe" he prays, teeth gritted in agony.

Jaheira -

She looks away as Tavs life is sapped away, unable to watch another Bhaalspawn friend suffer. When all falls still and silent, she looks among the other companions, shocked and frozen. "They're at peace now. Take comfort in knowing they chose to keep you all safe." She says with a proud nod- but her eyes are wet and her nose scrunched a little with a sniff.

Minsc -

There's small squeaking in the berserkers ear, before he sighs, almost a sob and speaks with a tired voice. "Wise words, Boo. I only wish our friend could hear you" Before he turns away, unable to look at them on the floor. "I am proud to have called them our friend. We should make them proud in return"

Hope you enjoyed! To the lovely people who have made requests, I will get to them as soon as I can!! Thank you for the requests, and please feel free to send me more!

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awwyeah107 · 4 months

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2023 Fic Recs

Hello and welcome to my GIANT fic recs from 2023 post :)

I have been utterly obsessed with Tolkien’s works this entire year, and I’ve read more fanfiction in one year than I ever have before. My primary fandom this year was Tolkien, and I’m honestly rather astonished that it’s held my attention as long as it has, especially considering that this is a “recurring” hyperfixation (aka, this is not the first time I’ve had this hyperfixation).

So buckle up, ‘cause this is going to be a crazy long ride. The vast majority of these fics are Tolkien fics, but I’ve got a couple of non-Tolkien fics at the very end, and overall there's about 90-ish fics here in this bad boy XD

For each fic, I’ll give a one-sentence summary and then my thoughts on the fic!

I’m sorting them into oneshots, multi-chapter fics, series, in-progress stories, and misc & non-Tolkien fics. Within those sections, I'll loosely group them by various qualifiers like characters, time periods, and locations.

Intro: What to Expect & Fics Legend

Expect: Lots of fluff, lots of angst. Mostly genfic. Mostly Silmfics featuring or focused on kidnap fam, Fëanorians, Halenthir, Arafinwëons. Some Lord of the Rings and/or Hobbit characters are featured, so if you aren’t familiar with The Silmarillion, there are definitely fics that include characters a non-Silm reader would know. Most fics are rated T, with a few rated M.

Do not expect: Stories with a focus on romantic!Russingon (or any other first cousins x cousins ships—those really give me the ick), smut, or really gory or dark stories. No E-rated fics (with one *singular* exception where I did not know it was E-rated at first and only has a few E-rated scenes that can be skipped).

Fics Legend/Key These emojis are used to denote any stories that do have the following elements, and I’ll do my best to put appropriate warnings/mentions of certain potentially triggering topics as well, when needed.

🔒 Fic only available to AO3 users

⚠️ Features smut (skippable/not essential to the story or the focus of the story)

*️⃣ Features background/non-primary romantic!Russingon

🩸 Features somewhat graphic violence and/or heavy topics (including abuse and severe trauma or mental illness)

As I said, I’ll do my best to put appropriate warnings. However, a) there’s some stuff that just comes with the territory; Tolkien does not shy away from violence and trauma, and b) this is such a long list that I honestly may not remember if some of them apply to certain stories. Most if not all the stories do have content warnings given by the author as appropriate/necessary, so if I miss something, the author and/or the fic tags should tell you about it. My apologies if I do miss anything.

I will tag authors who are here on Tumblr; I've included multiple fics by the same authors, so I will only tag each author once.

Also, this may go without saying, but I feel like it does need saying: Your mileage may vary with these fics, especially those that are not particularly fluffy. For example, I don’t like romantic!Russingon, but I’m willing to read some stories with them in the background. I also don’t like smut, so I don’t read stories that prominently feature it, but if I’m already enjoying a story and I come across it, I will skip it. Same kind of thing with intense violence—I’ll skip or skim what I need to. So, read what you’re comfortable with, and don’t read or skip what you aren’t.

I want to give a massive thank-you to all of the fic authors, all of the people posting meta, and all of the artists out there. I was inspired to re-read The Silmarillion (for the third time) this year, and I highly doubt I would’ve been able to actually get myself to do that without all of the amazing stories and musings and art out there that drove me back to the canon we all love. So thank you ❤️

Oneshots

Haleth x Caranthir (Halenthir)

She is the Sunlight by @dreamingthroughthenoise (aka Alantie)🔒 - Caranthir and Haleth have a hike and a conversation. When I saw the title of this fic, I immediately thought of the Trading Yesterday song with the same name—and it turns out, the fic was named after the song, which fits Caranthir/Haleth as a ship so well! The fic itself is (bitter)sweet and beautiful, and I really enjoyed it.

easily sever what was never one by vauquelin - Haleth and Finrod have a discussion, and Haleth pays a visit to Caranthir. I loved reading this fic, and I’ve come back to reread it at least once. It was quite amusing at times, and I really enjoyed Haleth’s no-nonsense characteristics. The debates and discussions she has with Finrod and Caranthir are delightful to read—plus, I enjoyed Haleth and Caranthir’s dynamic and the waxing and waning tension between them. (Warnings: The fic outright says that Caranthir and Haleth have had and do have sex, in generally crude/slang terms, and there is one paragraph/section where things are described a little, but it can be easily skipped and I would not consider it explicit.)

Call It What It Is (Whatever It Might Be) by @sweetteaanddragons (aka Drag0nst0rm on AO3) (featuring art from @lidoshka) - Haleth is visited by several elves related to Caranthir, which raises her suspicions. A delightfully fun oneshot that had me grinning a lot! I love Caranthir/Haleth fics, especially when Caranthir’s denying he’s got a crush on her. Not a lot of Caranthir interacting with Haleth directly in this one, but it’s a great fic. The art was fantastic, I absolutely love Lidoshka’s art style!

Kidnap Fam

Enough by dreamingthroughthenoise (aka Alantie) 🔒 - Maglor and Maedhros argue over the twins, but later Maedhros comes to join Maglor and the twins on a picnic. This one’s a bit angsty, but it does have some sweet moments in it! I like the discussions the characters have; they feel thoughtful and well-characterized, especially in terms of how Maglor and Maedhros respond to each other. Both brothers have strong emotions, but they don’t go out of their way to be hurtful to each other.

Nightmares by @brievel - Snapshots of Maedhros experiencing nightmares and how Elrond and Elros respond. This is one of my favorite “Maedhros is having nightmares” fics where it features Elrond and Elros. It’s definitely angsty and tense, but I love seeing how the twins’ responses change over the course of the story. It really shows how their trust of Maedhros and Maglor develops.

Dawn (The Nightmares Remix) by sweetteaanddragons (aka Drag0nst0rm on AO3) - The aftermath of one of Maedhros’ nightmares from “Nightmares.” Good and angsty with relief by the end! I loved Maedhros’ reflections on the past (his memories of how he was trusted in Tirion with little ones are especially painful) and every aspect of Maglor’s interactions with his brother.

Chill in Your Heart, Life in Your Wings by @jaz-the-bard - After the Third Kinslaying, Elrond and Elros are kidnapped by a band of human raiders in Sirion, who decide to bring them to Maedhros and Maglor. I love JaztheBard’s kidnap fam fanfics, and this one is no exception. It’s a lovely oneshot with lots of feels! Features VERY cute Elrond and Elros. I just about died from cuteness during the fish book part, specifically.

Outrun the Storm by @secretlythranduil - Elrond and Elros are scared of the storm. I love a good kidnap fam thunderstorm fic, and I particularly love all the little details in this one: the guards joking about the claps of thunder being Morgoth’s footsteps, the twins thinking about what kind of state they would find Maedhros in, the reminder of how the Fëanorians found them in Sirion, and how Maedhros picks them up like Maglor had.

In Valinor pre-kinslaying #1

Unruly and ill-behaved, downright feral even by @swanhild - Fëanor and Nerdanel wrangle their rowdy, unruly bunch of elflings. This was quite amusing and adorable!!! I love the younger elflings’ antics and the older elflings’ “teen troubles” (so to speak), and Fëanor and Nerdanel parenting all of them.

Lack of All Trades by @darkfrozenabyss - Young Maitimo doubts that he has a trade or a craft. Cute father-son feels! I loveloveLOVE baby Maedhros and I loved getting to see Fëanor comforting him.

In Valinor post-kinslaying #1

The Spirit of the Law by @mynameisjessejk - Caranthir is re-embodied in Valinor. mynameisjessejk is one of my favorite authors who write the genre of “elves dealing with re-embodiment in Valinor.” This oneshot, along with the other re-embodiment fics they’ve written, is super super good. I really liked this take on Caranthir’s return, and I enjoyed the development of the Caranthir-Finrod friendship—one that isn’t usually seen in fic!

The Return of the House of Finwë by mynameisjessejk - The tales of the re-embodiment of five different members of the House of Finwë. Aaaaaa, this was such a heart-wrenching, feels-filled read! And so wonderful. I loved reading about each character coming back and seeing their reactions to those who came to meet them.

Pity Found by brievel and darkfrozenabyss - Fëanor and his sons are re-embodied in Valinor. Such an emotional fic! All the feels were amazing. I really enjoyed the fic, and I liked how the end left it open for the family to work things out further.

Beyond the Western World by thearrogantemu - Finrod and Curufin meet in Valinor. I really enjoyed this reckoning between the two of them! Finrod has such control in this conversation, yet he still has compassion for Curufin in a way. I liked how their conversation flowed and alternated between focusing on the present and the past. I think both of them needed to speak to each other, not only for closure but also to fully realize things about themselves. It was already a detailed story, but all the little reminders that they knew each other so well lent an even greater sense of depth to the story, which was beautiful. (Plus, I love the title.)

Though All Whom Ye Have Slain Should Entreat For You by thearrogantemu *️⃣ - Thingol has a conversation with Maedhros in Valinor. VERY interesting fic. I had never thought about Thingol and Maedhros interacting before, but hey, that’s what fanfiction is for, right? This was an incredible ride. I loved reading their back-and-forth debate and how calculating and emotional both were. Highly recommend if you’re in the mood for unusual character interactions and a very intellectual and emotionally charged discussion.

There Are Fires, There Is Laughter by ithilielthechosenone - Galadriel and Aredhel take a walk and catch up after Aredhel is re-embodied. I really enjoyed this. It is so beautiful and contemplative, and I love reading about the only two female descendants in the 3rd generation of the house of Finwë.

Finwëons in Beleriand/Middle-Earth

Regrets by dreamingthroughthenoise (aka Alantie on AO3) 🔒 - The Ambarussa have a discussion before the Fëanorians attack Sirion. I really like the characterization of Amrod and Amras in this fic! The way they decided to try to take responsibility for leading the attack in order to spare Maglor and Maedhros is heartbreaking but makes so much sense. I also had never considered how the situation with Eluréd and Elurín might have affected them, so it was interesting to read an interpretation of that!

Lands of the March by @cycas (aka bunn on AO3) - Maedhros discusses the lands and duties he has given to each of his brothers with Amrod and Amras. Quite an enjoyable oneshot! Maedhros is logical…but also quite caring, at the end of the day. I found myself smiling reading it!

Oh Makalaurë… by caeciliusestinforo - Maglor’s guilt over never going to find Maedhros in Thangorodrim causes him to neglect his health, which has consequences. I loved this fic. I’m a sucker for Maglor beating himself up over Maedhros’ torment and then coming to accept it, and Maglor’s desperation is depicted very well.

All the scars we can not see by waitingfover - Fingon has a flashback when he visits Himring. Awwww, poor Finno! Felt a lot of sympathy for him. It definitely felt like he didn’t really want to say what was going on, perhaps because it felt so obvious, but he did. Wish I could’ve given him a hug like Maedhros did.

i will not say the day is done by @southfarthing - Fingon and Maedhros avoid the conversation waiting to happen after Fingon rescues Maedhros from Thangorodrim. SO angsty, so intense, and so good!!! Maedhros and Fingon both have such different viewpoints on what happened and the context surrounding it—it pulls on my heartstrings to see them both struggling, but it makes it all the more poignantly beautiful when they can finally face each other.

Mithrim by @warrioreowynofrohan (aka WarriorEowyn on AO3) - Maedhros has three conversations with different people after his rescue from Thangorodrim. Oh my gosh, this fic is so freaking GOOD! Maedhros and Fingon’s first interaction was so intense and so good (“I’m sorry—” “You’re sorry?” was absolutely iconic. I practically shrieked and had to stop reading for a moment to compose myself). The fic also has a good dose of Maglor guilt, which I’m always happy to read!

Non-Finwëons in Beleriand/Middle-Earth

An evening off by earthbound_misfit - Rog enjoys spending an evening with his friend Egalmoth after work. This was such a good oneshot! So refreshing and peaceful. It felt like having a home-cooked meal :) Lovely!

Sharp Things in the Way by @dawnfelagund - A character study of Daeron, of sorts. This fic is a beautiful mosaic of moments in Daeron’s life—it’s all so bittersweet and deep and full of twisting emotions, and I honestly feel a bit of pity for Daeron after reading it. I haven’t read many fics focused on him, but I really like this one. I thought his and Maglor’s dancing around each other and the musical techniques they shared and took from each other were particularly fascinating parts of the story.

Reflections on Injustice by @hwestalas - Túrin sees Beleg heal a march-warden, and he himself later has the chance to help Beleg heal. Sweet, and a little painful! I enjoyed it. Beleg as a healer and a warrior is awesome, and I liked reading Túrin’s shifting emotions.

see it fall, child of war by swanmaiden 🩸 - Elwing says goodbye to her children. If I had to use one word to describe this fic, it would be “heartbreaking.” I expected it to be painful, and it really, truly was. I teared up reading Elwing telling Elrond and Elros she loved them, and I could feel the fear and anguish felt by the elves around Elwing. This fic really made me feel the terrible weight of the Fëanorians attacking Sirion, which was meant to be a refuge, and I think it was meant to do that. Very well-written!

Among the reeds by Adlanth - Elwing, Tuor, and those of Edain heritage spend time together in Sirion. I absolutely LOVED this!!! This is one of the first fics I’ve read that focus on the Edain and their heritage. I feel like they tend to be less appreciated in fandom, in favor of the house of Finwë (although I’ve definitely seen fics and meta about the Númenoreans). In any case, this was a delightful fic; I really liked seeing the small community of humans grow together and share their culture and history (mainly of the house of Bëor). Beautiful.

LOTR/Hobbit Characters

In A Yellow Wood by @lordgrimwing - Modern AU where Thranduil, wife, and young Legolas go on a hike. SUPER super cute oneshot!! Really enjoyed it. I love how Thranduil and his wife play with Legolas!

The Castaway by warrioreowynofrohan (aka WarriorEowyn on AO3) - Legolas and Gimli meet a stranger as they prepare to sail to Valinor. Quite enjoyable! I loved the difference in Legolas and Gimli’s opinions regarding what they should do, and how Gimli’s perspective and compassion helped Legolas to consider his prejudices. The dialogue between all of the characters was excellent!

A Warg in Sheep’s Clothing by @arofili (aka starlightwalking on AO3) - Fíli and Kíli find an injured warg pup in the woods. This was such a wonderfully fun fic to read! There were a few sad moments for sure, but I love reading stories with Fíli and Kíli because their characters have such a youthful joy and hopefulness to them. I loved “Buddy” and dwarflings’ bond with him was so adorable! (Also, I love the title XD)

General/Misc

Shinystarship Has Invited You To Join A Zoom Conference! by jaz-the-bard *️⃣ - Elrond’s father figures make a plan for how they will support Elrond when he sails to Aman (by using modern technology in Arda). THIS IS HILARIOUS. I love it. The Zoom names are perfect. I’ve reread this a couple times and I laugh every time!

Wealth Enough of Joy by StarSpray - Elrond and Celebrían enjoy time with their newborn twins and more family. This was such a sweet, lovely fic. It has the feeling of a summer evening—which is appropriate, since the description is “Elladan and Elrohir are born at twilight in summer.” I actually drew a picture in my little sketchbook of what I thought Elrond and Celebrían’s room would look like!

Mercy by @nothinghereisworking (aka cuarthol) - Snapshots of Celegorm and Finrod. I haven’t read many fics centered on Celegorm and Finrod, and I really like this! Features scenes in Valinor, Beleriand, and then Valinor again. I love how it comes full-circle and how the meaning of mercy changes over the course of the story.

An Unexpected Friendship by StarSpray (featuring art from lidoshka) - Belladonna Took makes a friend. I didn’t realize how much I needed to read about Maglor interacting with hobbits until this fic—and it made me interested in more fics of the same ilk. This particular one was SO much fun, and I loved how much hobbit culture StarSpray got into. I also really enjoyed Maglor’s and the hobbits’ characterization, too. The art of Maglor and Belladonna is adorable!

To Justify Your Existence by jaz-the-bard 🩸 - Maedhros meets his father and brothers in Mandos and braces himself for the worst. Delightfully angsty! Poor, poor Maedhros. The self-blame is off the charts in this one, whew. The emotional climax is so fulfilling!

AUs

stare death in the face (and never back down) by @oopsbirdficced (aka ingenious_spark on AO3) 🔒🩸 - Instead of returning to Gondolin when Sauron lets him go, Maeglin escapes…and runs into some relatives. This is such a cool AU/twist on what happened in canon! Lots of feeeeels—poor Maeglin. However, I love that he found [spoiler] and that they all essentially took one look at him and decided to adopt him XD

Retaliatory Kidnapping by darkfrozenabyss - Elwing decides that kidnapping the re-embodied Fëanorian twins (Amrod and Amras) might let her make a trade with Maglor and Maedhros for her own sons. This may have been the first fic I read by darkfrozenabyss! It’s so enjoyable and engaging. I loved Elwing taking matters into her own hands and being determined to rescue her sons, as well as the reluctant friendship that began to take root between her and the Ambarussa. Great ending, too! An all-around fantastic story.

Less scary than before by waitingfover - Maedhros is feeling homesick at college and receives a package (modern AU). I seriously enjoyed this oneshot! It filled me with so much warmth, and it reminded me of my family sending me things in college :) I love how each member of Maedhros’ family sent him something that showed how they loved him/thought of him, each in their own unique way.

Wayward Son by @thescrapwitch🩸 - After being re-embodied, Fëanor sets out on a mission to find his second son. This was sweet! I really enjoyed it. Fëanor’s dedication to loving and caring for Maglor is wonderful.

Where the Heart Is by mynameisjessejk *️⃣ - Amarië does not let Finrod go to Beleriand without her. A very cool AU where Amarië goes to Beleriand! We love to see it. I really like how it changes things and how the politics are different throughout Beleriand as a result.

Battle of Sudden Song by AeolianSands - Maglor encounters Sauron and recalls his cousin Finrod. I absolutely LOVE how this is written. I am SUCH a fan of Maglor using Song and living up to his name and reputation! This was so deliciously wonderful.

who could ask to be unbroken (or to be brave again) by @piyo13sdoodles - Tauriel meets a lone elf on the plains of Rhovanion and becomes friends with the mysterious singer. I really like reading “Maglor makes friends with people after being on his own” fics, and this one was so sweet! I enjoyed Tauriel’s curiosity and spirit, as well as how Maglor cares for her. Their relationship is wonderful, and I love how they grow into being each others’ family. It’s a beautiful story :)

Tumblr Oneshots

Wet Boots by @amethysttribble - Baby Maedhros is playing, and Uncle Nolofinwë comes to find him. So fluffy and adorable and silly and SWEET! I love baby Maedhros, and this is one of my go-to fluff fics. (There’s also a super cute fanart/comic of this floating around somewhere—I thought I had saved it but I can’t find it. If I ever do, I’ll add it here.)

Finrod and baby Galadriel in Valinor by @actual-bill-potts (aka oswinry on AO3) - Galadriel wakes up Finrod. SO FREAKING CUTE. I LOVED this little oneshot so much. Tiny Galadriel is super adorable and big brother Finrod is just as adorable. Fluff level 3000.

Multi-Chapter Fics

The following multi-chapter fics are all complete (or have not been updated since 2022), and they all have more than one chapter. If any are incomplete, I will note that.

Girl in Middle-Earth & Modern AUs

Pathology by @wild-houseplant (aka appalled.elf on FanFiction.net) ⚠️ 🩸 - A therapist ends up in Middle-Earth and builds a life in Rivendell. This was one of the first fics I read in 2023, and what a wonderful way to start the year!! I absolutely LOVED reading this fic. This was one of those fics that kept me up late and had me glued to my screen whenever I could spare time to read it. I love its central themes of friendship, grieving, and healing. The relationships that develop between Rhodri and the various Middle-Earth characters felt so real and healthy, and it was simply so wonderful to read! The author adds a lot of notes and information about the mental health care that Rhodri, the main character, provides, which is fantastic. Also, the character-lands-in-Middle-Earth plotline is handled quite well, in my opinion; questions that usually arise with that kind of plot were answered and explained in ways that made sense and added to the story.

(Warnings: There is plenty of language/swearing, a bit of violence [not super graphic, to my memory], and a few smut scenes; the author usually warns ahead of time if there will be any smut, and it’s fairly easy to tell when things are going that direction, so you can skip it if you don’t want to read it, like me. Also, the link I have included is to the fic on FanFiction.net, which is much more updated than the fic on AO3; there are 107 chapters on FanFiction.net as opposed to 29 on AO3. However, the version on AO3 is rated as E, while the one on FanFiction.net is rated as M, just so the reader is aware. I first found it on FanFiction.net, which is why I did not realize it was rated E before I read it, and if you skip the E-rated scenes like I did, I believe it would be considered rated M.)

This fic is incomplete—the last time it was updated was in November of 2022—but the reader is not left on a terrible cliffhanger.

Don’t Panic! by boz4PM - A more realistic "girl-falls-into-Middle-Earth" story. Quite entertaining and interesting! This is a spin on the typical “girl gets transported to Middle-Earth and everything is amazing” story, where things are a lot more realistic: there’s a language barrier, there aren’t high standards of cleanliness, there’s no indoor plumbing…the works! I read basically all of it in one night. I love how Penny and Halbarad’s relationship develops, and it’s fun seeing Penny learn to fit in with elves! There’s also a sequel, which is great too. (Warnings: General…gross-ness, I guess, lol! Also, there’s a LOT of swearing, especially in the first several chapters. This does calm down though.)

Ten Weeks of the Terribles by troiaspider - Maglor is forced to babysit his younger brothers while his parents and Maedhros are away for several weeks (modern AU). I really enjoyed this fic! Didn’t want to put it down. It was so fun, and I laughed several times. It also had many touching moments that I didn’t expect, and I found myself smiling at various moments.

In Valinor pre-kinslaying #1

Make You Pretty by @theladyvanya - Vanifinwë, the only daughter and youngest child of Fëanor, likes doing makeovers for her older brothers, which leads to some…interesting results. This fic is SO CUTE!!! I love how the brothers all give in and allow their baby sister to play with them, even if they know they look extremely bizarre by the end. And when [spoiler] is the only one who is actually truly upset by the game, it does get resolved by the end of the story. The fic is quite humorous and sweet!

Trial and Error by waitingfover - Each of the young Finwëons tries to bake something for their family, with varying results. Adorable set of oneshots! I like how the nature of each of the baking incidents matches the elfling or peredhel that is attempting to make something :)

In Valinor post-kinslaying #1

The Host of the West by mynameisjessejk - Finrod is re-embodied in Valinor. Oh my goodness, this was so good. I loved the exploration of Finrod’s emotions (and how being re-embodied affected him physically as well!) after coming back to life. The tension between him and his parents/those who did not know him in Beleriand felt very palpable, and my heart broke for him multiple times throughout the story. The resolution at the end was touching, and I felt reassured that things would look up for the characters as time went on beyond the ending of the story.

Memento Pugna (Remember, You Must Fight) by sweetteaanddragons (aka Drag0nst0rm on AO3) - Fëanor is re-embodied in Valinor, but from the very start, things are bound to go sideways. This was a great read! I loved the characterization and relationship development throughout the story, and I really enjoyed the chaos and shenanigans that happened. The story is quite hilarious at times and touching and angsty at others!

To save a life by waitingfover 🩸 - Fëanor is re-embodied in Valinor, and he has to deal with several hostile family members and other problems. Really great! It’s quite interesting, and I loved how Fëanor’s character developed over the course of the story, and how he comes to prioritize family over his own desires and pride. I also really liked how the plot changed and how various characters were introduced and included! (Warnings: There is a scene with mention of sexual abuse and a traumatized character expecting further abuse, and a brief scene of physical child abuse by a crowd of unnamed characters.)

More than the Stars Above by sweetteaanddragons (aka Drag0nst0rm on AO3) - Elrond visits his father, Eärendil, in Valinor. This is one of my favorite fics centered around Elrond and Eärendil. Their interactions here are so well-written and so spot-on! I like the alternating point of view, and I simply love how their relationship was portrayed.

The Ransom of the House of Fëanor by @eirianerisdar - Elrond petitions the Valar to return Maedhros and Maglor (and their brothers and father) from the Void. Oh my goodness. This fic broke my heart in the best way. SO. MUCH. ANGST. AND. FEELS. AAAAAGHH. I could see a lot of the different emotional situations coming, which made it even more angsty when they finally hit. I kept having to pause and stop reading because TOO MANY FEELS A;SLDKFJALF. Highly recommend if you want Elrond angst (and just angst in general).

The Last Ember by eirianerisdar - Nerdanel and Fëanor begin to reconcile in Valinor (compliant to The Ransom of the House of Fëanor but can be read separately). I absolutely love this Nerdanel-and-Fëanor-work-things-out-in-Valinor fic!!! Nerdanel’s vacillating emotions were so palpable and real, and both her and Fëanor’s characterization was wonderful. The pacing was done quite well, and I love how things ended :)

Rising as if Weightless by StarSpray - Elwing’s brothers return to life in Valinor. This was such a wonderful, feels-y fic! Elwing’s emotions throughout pulled on my heartstrings—and Eluréd and Elurín were so sweet. I loved meeting so many characters who were important to Elwing, and I really enjoyed the storyline. I couldn’t put this fic down!

In Beleriand & Middle-Earth

Family Reunions by Drapa *️⃣ - Finrod brings his human friend Bëor with him to a family reunion. I don’t think I have ever laughed more at a fic than I have at this one. I fondly remember sitting down to a bowl of soup and some bread for dinner and opening this fic because the premise looked promising…and then proceeding to nearly spit out my soup multiple times while reading. Finrod’s over-the-top behavior, the miscommunications and misunderstandings, the hijinks, and the ridiculousness of all of it was just way too funny. Highly recommend if you’re in the mood for some humor (or even if you aren’t).

Refuge by hwestalas - Maglor comes to Maedhros at Himring and does his best to hide that he is injured; this goes unsuccessfully. I absolutely love the interactions between Maglor and Maedhros in this fic. They are so filled with affection and teasing and the gentle kind of pushing between siblings, and it makes me so happy to read, even though they are dealing with war and deaths of their people. The love they have for each other and their siblings—and their people, too—is clear as day. It’s a lovely hurt/comfort fic, and one that I’ve reread a few times. Wonderful read!

This Taste of Shadow (SPECIFICALLY the Caranthir x Haleth chapters) by Mira_Jade - Caranthir and Haleth meet and slowly but surely fall for each other. I didn’t realize how much I needed a fic that took the question “what would it look like if Caranthir and Haleth really truly decided to get married, and not just in the elvish way [aka, through having sex], but to commit to each other until the end?” seriously and chose to explore it. I literally was obsessing over this fic for three to five days after I read it. SO. FREAKING. GOOD. This is one of the most well-written, satisfying, thorough Caranthir x Haleth fics I’ve ever read; the story is deeply emotionally engaging, and I loved it. Mira-Jade is phenomenal at exploring characters and really understanding them on a fundamental level, and how their relationships play out with other characters. And while it’s her interpretation, it feels very real and true-to-text. (Note: This is specifically a rec for the Caranthir x Haleth chapters; the entire work is a series of ficlets and oneshots that largely make up out-of-order story arcs. The link to each chapter can be found in the index/first "chapter" of the fic, which is linked above. I have not read the rest of the work, so I don’t know if there are any warnings I should give for other chapters. The tags do indicate that there is romantic!Russingon in the fic—there’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it reference in the Halenthir chapters, but otherwise none. Also, warning for a version of Celegorm who lives up to the epithet “Celegorm the Cruel.”)

Of Bright Stars and Dark Skies by @katinkacassio (aka CassioP on AO3) - The Fëanorians attack Sirion and take the twins, which leads to the twins living at Amon Ereb. This was one of my favorite kidnap fam fics I read this year! The characterization was well done, and I will always enjoy tropes like Elrond and Elros running off and Maedhros and Maglor having to search for them. Elrond and Elros are wonderful, and both parties opening up slowly to each other was heartrending and sweet.

Maglor Plays For His People After Doriath by Himring - Maglor contemplates Doriath and plays a lament for his people. Quite enjoyable—the contemplative nature of this fic is beautiful. I liked how Maglor considers what his people need and what he plays for them, and his memories of meeting Daeron at Mereth Aderthad were amusing and sweet. This fic really conveys deep a sense of wistful mourning.

Generally Interesting Lives by @glorf1ndel - A collection of oneshots for Tolkien Gen Week 2023. I love how unique these are and how each one of them stands out! I really liked the vibe of the stories—they were easy to read and the characters’ “voices” and personalities are strong. I particularly enjoyed the chapters about Maedhros and Lúthien, Huan and Oromë, and Galadriel and Bill the pony!

I need you more than ever right now by @senalishia - Elwing and Eärendil weather Elwing’s pregnancy with their twins. I love how this fic explored Elwing and Eärendil’s relationship, their personalities, and their perspectives on their responsibilities and having children! It’s compelling and well-paced. Also, I really liked the OC healer Curunada’s curious yet brusque nature! (Warnings: Childbirth, which is a little graphic)

General/Misc

Of starlight, s’mores and misadventures by waitingfover - A collection of oneshots about elflings and their adventures. These oneshots are SO CUTE and occasionally come with a serving of angst at the end with a flash-forward. A few of them are angsty in general, but the majority are just adorable, fluffy stories. If you ever need fluff, you will find it here! Also, this fic is how I finally got all of the Quenya names of the House of Finwë ingrained into my mind XD waitingfover uses them a lot in the story and provides lists of the names at the start of chapters, so that was super helpful! (Note: This fic is still being updated, but not on a regular basis, which is why I put it in the multi-chapter fics section instead of the in-progress section.)

As the Tides Flow by @starshipsilmaril 🩸 - The story of Maglor’s life, from start to finish. I loved it! Starshipsilmaril does a great job with Maglor's emotions, and Maglor’s love story and family were so sweet. Telumë is a wonderful character, and she and Maglor fit together quite well, I think. Definitely gets more angsty as the story goes on, which is expected. Great read! (Warnings: Silm-typical violence, not super graphic [to my memory] but it’s there. Also, The fic outright says that Maglor and Telumë have sex, and there are a couple paragraphs where things are described a little, but it can be easily skipped and I would not consider it explicit. It’s also pretty easy to see coming—it’s on the wedding night.)

Some Wild Thing by warrioreowynofrohan (aka WarriorEowyn on AO3)🩸 - Aredhel’s story, from Valinor to Beleriand. I love this exploration of Aredhel’s personality and character. The small snapshots and snatches of dialogue that relate the bigger picture are beautifully written, and Aredhel’s fiery personality shines through so well. I also really liked the depiction of her and Eöl (and Maeglin!)—it felt real and the way things subtly changed for the worse over time was chilling. Great read!

To Safety by jaz-the-bard - Young Elrond and Elros get transported to the Years of the Trees in Valinor and encounter their captors once again. I seriously love this story—I felt so bad for Elrond and Elros, and I felt sympathetic towards a bewildered Maedhros and Maglor (or should I say, Maitimo and Makalaurë). It’s fantastic! I’ve reread this at least 3 times XD

In a Field of Blood and Bone by @theheirofashandfire (aka ScribeofArda on AO3)🩸 - The Battle of the Five Armies, from the point of view of the elves. This was fantastic! It was awesome to read the events from a totally different perspective; the elves (and Bard!) come at the situation with different motivations, needs, and hopes for the future than the dwarves and Bilbo, and I think that ScribeofArda handled that very well. I loved the OCs Belhadron and Rhovaniel; they felt very whole and fleshed out, and it made me wish they were in the actual story so I could read more about them. Also, Legolas and Thranduil’s relationship was so sweet, and I love how much Thranduil loves Legolas even though he doesn’t outright show it much. (Warnings: Battle violence, as can be expected from a fic that’s about the Battle of the Five Armies.)

AUs

What once was mine by waitingfover - Maglor is given a second chance to go back and change things, starting at Losgar. What a great fic! I had the privilege to follow this fic from start to completion, and I loved getting updates. The changes—or lack thereof—were quite fascinating to read! This story features a strong dose of Maglor dealing with guilt and depression, which was heartbreaking but also understandable (and, as per usual, I ate it up with a spoon). This one of my favorite AUs!

The Rescue Party by AeolianSands - Fëanor, Fingolfin, and Finarfin decide to travel to Middle-Earth and save their children before the Doom of Mandos takes them. Really enjoyed this! Quite humorous, with some sweet touches of fluff and some angsty bits. There’s LOTS of chaos and things happening at the same time, and it reminded me of a contemporary fantasy story where all these plotlines are overlapping! There were lots of twists and turns I didn't expect, which was super fun.

Waiting for Dawn by theheirofashandfire (aka ScribeofArda on AO3) 🩸 - The Fellowship of the Ring finds Maedhros alive in the aftermath of the Battle of Pelennor Fields. I love “Maedhros-and-or-Maglor-are-alive-in-the-Third-Age” fics, and this one is quite well-written! I absolutely adore Pippin in this fic; his compassion and sprightliness are so in-character and it’s amazing to read. The rest of the hobbits are delightful as well. There’s also a serving of kidnap fam with a good amount of angst and feels :) Gotta love Maedhros being healed (against his will) and coming to accept that he wants to live! (Warnings: There’s somewhat graphic descriptions of the aftermath of the battle and torture, and there is a very disturbing injury in the first chapter that was done by torture. Additionally, Maedhros is suicidal for a while.)

Say NO To Shiny (And Other Valuable Life Lessons) by @fflewddur-feanorion *️⃣ - Maglor joins the Fellowship of the Ring! As soon as I saw the description of this fic, I immediately knew I had to read it. It is absolutely HILARIOUS. I laughed so much! I enjoyed the more casual, less serious characterization of the Fellowship and felt both amusement and sadness towards Maglor at different moments. The story also features Fëanorion brother shenanigans and some epic Song awesomeness!

Little Bird by darkfrozenabyss - Elwing is lost in the woods of Doriath instead of Eluréd and Elurín, and Amras Fëanorion finds her. Oh my goodness, this one pulls on my heartstrings. It’s beautiful and sad and amazing all at once. I loved Amras as a father, and I felt so much for Elwing, having to be so grown-up so young. I also didn’t expect Eluréd and Elurín’s characterization (though it does make sense) and it made me upset for Elwing. I loved reading about her learning about her birth culture and about her relationship with Eärendil. I also liked how the story ended!

Accidently on Purpose by waitingfover - Curufin accidentally turns Finrod into a younger version of himself. I read this almost all in one sitting and it was delightful. I’ve already reread it once or twice since finding it!! The characterizations and handling of the plot were amazing, and baby Finrod was SUUUUPER cute.

The Ghost of Erebor by @mistergandalf (aka ItalianHobbit on FanFiction.net and AO3) 🩸 - In an “everyone lives” AU, Fíli has intense trauma to work through from the Battle of the Five Armies—but nobody knows what happened to him. *slaps roof of fic* This bad boy can fit so much angst in it. Soooo much angst! Fíli is so traumatized and it’s heartbreaking to read. Kíli and Thorin’s attempts to help Fíli are also heartwrenching; they care about him so much, and their worry is so palpable. And of course, the pressing needs of running a kingdom and having an heir don’t make the situation any better. This kind of story is right in ItalianHobbit’s wheelhouse!

Series

Lengthening Shadows series by waitingfover 🩸 - What if Maglor went to bargain with Morgoth instead of Maedhros? This is a fantastic concept and I loveloveLOVE it! The way things go differently is so interesting, and it opens up a whole new dimension of feelings for the characters to experience (especially Maedhros and Maglor). I really like the inclusion of the other Finwëons in the story too. Go give this series some love, these stories are some of waitingfover’s earliest Tolkien works and they’re great!

Sons of the Star series by brievel (most fics in the series are open to all readers, but a few are locked 🔒) 🩸 - This is the “Sons of Fëanor as a biker gang” AU that you never knew you needed. I certainly didn’t know I needed it. But I LOVE it. Brievel is still writing the series and I’m enjoying it! I love the characterization of the Fëanorians as tough and scrappy criminals, but with generally good hearts (especially Max). I get excited every time a new installment comes out. I also highly recommend Óhchikaape, an in-progress story [at the time of this writing], which is set in (mostly) the same universe. (Warnings: There's a lot of violence, and many of the stories deal with heavy topics.)

Maglor is an Eldritch Horror series by thescrapwitch *️⃣ - Speaking of AUs you never knew you needed, the name says it all: Maglor is an eldritch horror. The vibe is “cozy horror,” which I love; I’m not really a horror fan, but the ‘monster’ is on the good guys’ side, and I think that’s what makes it the good kind of scary. Most of the stories in this series are oneshots of Maglor and various characters living in Rivendell, but other characters come in from time to time. This series is mostly complete, but every so often theScrap_Witch has another idea and I get an update to this series in my inbox (which always gets me flailing with excitement). (Warnings: If you’re particularly squeamish or super sensitive to horror/any scary things, you may want to proceed with caution. However, I will say that I’m fairly sensitive to that, and I could just skim past any things that squicked me out—but there have barely been any.)

Return to Aman series by cycas (aka bunn on AO3) - Maglor sails with Elrond, Bilbo, Frodo, and Gandalf to Valinor. Oh. my. gosh. These were stories. SO well-written!!! I devoured every bit of them, and I think I need to reread them because I inhaled them crazy fast the first time around! (I’ve already reread a few out of order, but they work so well together as an arc and I would love to reread it again fully.) There’s so much that gets explored, the characterization is great, and overall the stories are just absolutely DELIGHTFUL. There are 15 fics in the series, and most are oneshots.

Nossecilmë series by fingonsradharp 🔒🩸*️⃣ - Oneshots of the kidnap fam. These are pretty cute (with a bit of angst from time to time)! I particularly enjoyed Little Stars and Nightingale. (Warnings: 🩸 only applies to the oneshot "Little Stars" for kidnappers physically abusing Elrond & Elros.)

Of Half-elven Children and the Difficulties that Result series by waitingfover - Kidnap fam oneshots. This collection of kidnap fam oneshots is so wonderful! These range from full-on angst to pure fluff, and there’s a whole bunch.

Old Maggie Took series by @tanoraqui (aka NevillesGran on AO3) - “Maggie Took” (aka Maglor) has become a friend to those in the Shire. A delightfully fun and touching series! There’s two works and both are simply fantastic. The first is centered around fighting ‘Sharkey’ when he comes to the Shire; I found myself grinning, cheering for “Maggie,” and alternating between laughing and going “awww” at the hobbits and Gandalf. The second story is about a going-away party held for those sailing west, and it gave me the exact feeling I get from being at a good, fun party with friends: celebratory and joyful in the best way.

In-Progress Stories

These are ones that are unfinished that I've really enjoyed and I hope get updated in 2024!

(Also, for any of the authors who see that I’ve included their in-progress fic, please don’t feel pressured to update—me saying that I'm looking forward to more is simply meant to let you know that I like the story and would love to read more if/when you update.)

Daughters of Therindë by darkfrozenabyss - Nerdanel and her 2 daughter-in-laws go back in time to prevent the kinslayings, but they accidentally bring someone along with them that they weren’t expecting: Haleth. You guys. I am glued to this fic. I get ridiculously excited every time I see an update in my inbox; I love it so much and go back every so often to reread my favorite parts of the chapters (and sometimes just end up rereading most of or the entirety of the fic). The characterization is great, and the plot is super fascinating! The tension between Haleth and Caranthir is highly entertaining, and I eat up every bit of Caranthir’s brothers’ teasing with a spoon like it’s ice cream. You will also find me screeching and grinning like a fool at every emotional moment I come across. I seriously enjoy this fic so much!

Óhchikaape by brievel and The_Anonymous_Coauthor 🩸 - Set in the Sons of the Star universe (read about the Sons of the Star series in the Series section); Riser Way [aka Celegorm, for the uninitiated] wasn’t intending to be a dad…but it seems this scrawny, sassy Native American kid is in need of a parental figure, whether either of them like it or not. I am absolutely LOVING this story and get excited over every update. I’ve stayed up late multiple times to read the newest chapter that’s been posted, and I’m 100% sure that I will do it again, given the chance. I love how Riser and Nikki’s relationship develops over the course of the story. There’s a lot of humor and heartwrenching moments, and some serious and soft moments as well. If you aren’t familiar with Sons of the Star, I definitely suggest you read some or all of the series to get an idea of who the Way brothers are, because they (especially Riser and Ken) are primary characters in Óhchikaape. This story is now one chapter away from being done and I'm super excited for the next installment of the series! (Warnings: The story features violence, and it deals with heavy topics, including trafficking and child abuse.)

if somebody loved you, they'd tell you by now by @aurorapillar (aka auroracode on AO3) - Maeglin escapes Gondolin. I’ve been really enjoying this one! auroracode writes Maeglin so, so well—it breaks my heart to see him so traumatized, but it feels very real, and I feel proud of the progress he’s made so far! I also really love how [spoiler] interacts with him and helps him feel safe. I’m excited to see where this fic goes, and it’s been cool to read it from the beginning.

Identity Theft by waitingfover - Eluréd and Elurín come out of the halls of Mandos and are given to Nerdanel by a Maia who implies that the twins are Celegorm’s children; this most certainly does NOT cause any problems in the future ;) If this fic had an alternate title, I think it should be called something like “Olórin Makes a Habit of Kidnapping Elves” 😂 Because (slight spoiler) it’s something that happens multiple times throughout the story and always causes chaos! Anyway, this bad boy has 80-something chapters and is still going strong. The plot of the fic mutates throughout, but it is largely focused on Celegorm and his adventures, with lots of cameos from various Noldor and Sindar elves. I started reading it back in March, and I’ve really enjoyed seeing Celegorm’s character development as the story has progressed!

The Harrowing by @chthonion 🔒 ⚠️ *️⃣ 🩸- Sauron comes back to life from the Void and brings the Fëanorians with him. This fic has such a cool premise: Sauron being reembodied along with the sons of Fëanor and learning how to Be a Good Person™️ and Do Life™️ with all our favorite characters in Valinor. It does feature Silvergifting (Sauron x Celebrimbor), which I virtually never read because I’m not a fan of them together (in large part because the ship tends to remind me of unwanted stuff from my past); that being said, the fic isn’t just about Sauron and Celebrimbor. It’s mainly about Sauron and the house of Finwë (and Frodo!) learning to coexist with each other and heal from the past. Cthuluion’s writing is fantastic, and I love the interactions between the characters. (I particularly enjoyed Finrod and Sauron’s first conversation.) I’ve really enjoyed reading this fic! (Warning: There is a little smut, but only in chapter 16, I believe; I’ve skimmed and/or given a fairly wide berth to most Celebrimbor-Sauron one-on-one interactions to protect my mental health, so there may be more that I’m not aware of.)

Not About Owing by dreamingthroughthenoise (aka Alantie on AO3) 🔒 - Finrod and Amarië come to rescue Maglor on the beach. If there was an alternate title for this fic, I would vote “The One Where Maglor Gets Loved.” All of the characters are determined to make sure Maglor knows that they care about him and want him in their lives, and it’s so delightful. I also love the strong themes of redemption that are woven throughout, and there’s a deliciously dramatic scene with Eärendil that I practically screamed at. Each of the characters and their relationships feel so real and well-fleshed out, and it’s just lovely to read!

The Longest Night by mistergandalf (aka ItalianHobbit on FanFiction.net and AO3) 🩸 - A mysterious creature has attacked a village near Ered Luin, and Thorin Oakenshield and his nephews go to help. I’ve read all of ItalianHobbit’s Tolkien fics, and as I expected, this fic has got lots of whump, even for just 4 chapters so far! ;) It’s so very angsty and I’m eating it up with a spoon. I always enjoy reading Durin family fics—I just love their relationship and I really love how ItalianHobbit writes them. The link to the fic I put above is to the fic on FanFiction.net, but it is also posted on AO3.

When mercy stayed his blade by BarbieBlue - Maglor and Maedhros take Elrond and Elros with them after the Fëanorians attack Sirion. This is one of my favorite multi-chapter kidnap fam fics I’ve found! It’s got a lot of emotion and a fair amount of angst—it’s not super fluffy. I really like Maedhros and Maglor’s characterization in this one; they aren’t totally falling apart, but they’ve definitely got their issues, and BarbieBlue doesn’t shy away from that. I feel a lot for Elrond and Elros, who are certainly quite traumatized. Seeing the trust slowly developing between them and the Fëanorions is sweet, and I enjoy reading the dynamics between all of the characters.

we will make this place our home by @leucisticpuffin - Elrond and Elros get sent to live with their distant relatives Maglor and Maedhros Finuion. This fic is basically ‘The Secret Garden meets kidnap fam’! It is such a lovely story. I devoured most of it one time when I was up late (I had told myself that I really shouldn’t start a fic that had 40-something chapters at 2 am…but then found myself falling asleep at 4:30 am as I was reading. As soon as my eyes were open the next morning, I kept reading until I caught up!). I love the setting and all the little details that make the story work so well, and it’s really fun to read Silm characters in the mode of 1970s England. There’s a few OCs that help fill out the cast, and I enjoy their personalities and how they add to the story.

Less Wise and More Dangerous by DeepWatersWaiting 🩸 - Legolas is mysteriously transported to the First Age and runs into Fëanor and his sons. Great story, compelling and very well-written! I felt a lot of sympathy for Legolas, being plonked down in First Age Beleriand and facing people who he knew would kill his kin in the future. I like the development of the friendships he started forming (especially with Celebrimbor!), and I’ve been rooting for him as he’s been navigating the strange situation he is in. (Side note: anyone remember the AO3 shutdown back in July? This is what I was reading when that happened, lol.) (Warnings: There’s some graphic violence and injury/illness.)

Life After Death by actual-bill-potts (aka oswinry on AO3) 🔒 - Finarfin and his wife welcome Finrod after he returns from Mandos. So so so SO good. Oswinry writes SUCH good Arafinwëan fic. So carefully handled and well-written, and you can truly feel Finarfin’s desperate love and care for his son and his family. It fills a place in my heart I didn’t know was empty until I read the fic. (There have also been a few updates on Tumblr, too! Check out "my writing" and/or "silm fic" tags)

Yet Open Once Again Your Heart by @luteoflorien 🩸 - Maedhros has a breakdown, and Maglor realizes the twins are not as fragile as he thought. This one’s super heartwrenching, and I love it. The way Maglor treats Maedhros when he’s having his panic attack/breakdown/trauma-induced flashback is so well-done, and I really liked how the brothers had learned how to help each other on those bad days. The exchanges between Maglor and the twins (and between just Maglor and Elrond) are so raw and full of emotion, and Elrond himself is so wise and sweet.

What Was Sauron Thinking? by Chisscientist - Sauron is defeated…but it seems that in the process, he turned Gil-Galad into a child. The premise is so fascinating, and smol!Gil-Galad is adorable! I at turns find myself amused by him and want to give him a hug. The characterization is great, and I feel for Gil-Galad, having been unexpectedly turned into a child with memories of his adult self. I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes, and I’m glad Gil-Galad has friends/guardians around him who care for him!

Misc & Non-Tolkien Fics

Tolkien fics that don't fit into other categories:

The Silmarillion Rewrite by Jenavira - A rewrite/summary of The Silmarillion in modern language. Amazing. It was quite an enjoyable read, and it honestly helped me remember a lot of Silm characters! I think this was one of the main fics that inspired me to reread The Silmarillion again this year. I laughed several times, and I often loved the wording or phrasing of certain things that happened. (Warnings: There’s a lot of language/swearing, and there’s Silm-typical violence and trauma that happens.)

Never A Monster He Couldn’t Love by luteoflorien 🩸 - Harry Potter/Silmarillion crossover fic where Newt Scamander finds a new humanoid creature to befriend and care for, and Maglor finds a human who believes he is worthy of care and love. I absolutely adore the friendship that develops between Newt and Maglor. I’ve never read Fantastic Beasts fanfics before, despite being in the Harry Potter fandom, but luteoflorien’s Newt feels so incredibly in-character and it makes me want more. He is so kind and caring and curious, and he is exactly the type of person Maglor needs in his life to start healing from his past. luteoflorien’s writing, characterization, and handling of all the mental/emotional issues the characters go through is phenomenal, and the feels are off the charts. (Warnings: Maglor struggles with his severe trauma, and sometimes self-harms.)

Non-Tolkien fics:

hear you calling from some lost and distant shore by @sighonaraa - Loki meets Thor after the events of Avengers: Endgame (mostly compliant with the Loki TV series). Marvel fandom. This was EXACTLY what I needed after the ending of season 2 of Loki. So, so good. The banter between Thor and Loki, and also Valkyrie/Brunhilde’s character was great—the brothers care SO much about each other, and it's wonderful to read.

Lemon Cake by @afaroffsong 🔒 - Rosalind needs to make a cake for Jane’s birthday. Penderwicks fandom. I seriously enjoyed this fic! It's amazingly well-written—it felt to me like it could've come right out of the books! So lovely.

I mentioned this at the start, but I wanted to reiterate because I truly am very grateful: I want to give a massive thank-you to all of the fic authors, all of the people posting meta, all of the artists out there. I was inspired to re-read The Silmarillion (for the third time) this year, and I highly doubt I would’ve been able to actually get myself to do that without all of the amazing stories and musings and art out there that drove me back to the canon we all love. So thank you ❤️

And thank you to all who read this far XD Hope you enjoy some (or all!) of these fics!

#2023 fic recs #2023 fic review #tolkien fic #silm fic #tolkien fic recs #fic rec list #fanfiction #fanfiction recommendation #fanfiction rec list

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rin-fukuroi · 5 months

Text

𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐎𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐧 [𝐁𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐡𝐮]

Please do not translate or publish my works without my permission.

The originals of my works can be read here

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Pairings: yandere!Baizhu x fem!reader

Warnings: !dark content!, Zhongli's cameo, amnesia, references to somnophilia, murder and captivity.

▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. UNSECRET, MØØNWATER - Only The Beginning

Note: English is not my native language, so I apologize if there are errors in the text qq

God, i've been writing this for two days, almost without getting up from my chair, and now i feel like a crumbling old grandfather. I am surprised that so far the biggest work in my arsenal has been written about Baizhu, because even though i love him, he's not my favorite man, but… I love him so damn much in the image of yandere. Slippery, cunning, secretive, obsessive Baizhu is so disgustingly beautiful that i'm just not going to say another word and just let you enjoy it on your own.

This work has a more complete NSFW version, but about it… Information will be available later (>ᴗ•)

July 18th

Bright sunlight, marking the beginning of a new day, persistently seeps through heavy eyelids, inevitably squinting when consciousness gradually returns to you after a deep sleep. It stings so unpleasantly, and you turn away from the source of the rays, which cruelly outrages your eyes. The embrace of sleep doesn't lose hope of keeping you at least a moment longer in its warmth, but for some reason the heart in your chest shudders restlessly, forcing you to explode from the soft pillow.

A slight shortness of breath, and the eyes open abruptly. You're clutching the blanket convulsively in your hands.

This place…

Your gaze glides anxiously around the bright, cozy room. The curtains barely move audibly from the breeze of summer, unceremoniously slipping through a small crack in the window. For a second, you look at your own palms, twitching convulsively, as does the frightened muscle in your chest, pumping blood furiously through your veins, before the bedside table comes into your field of vision. Freshly cut qingxin flowers in an exquisite vase, in front of which there is a small mug, to which you curiously but cautiously extend your hand. The liquid has a slight greenish tint and the pungent aroma of herbs instantly cuts into your nostrils.

But there was something else.…

You turn your head anxiously to the bedside table again, now hesitantly picking up a folded piece of paper on which «Read it when you wake up» was carefully written in a beautiful neat handwriting. Whoever left it… It doesn't look like anything threatening, so you slowly unfold the sheet, starting to read a couple of lines written in the same perfect handwriting as the inscription on the outside of the note.

«If you're reading this, then you've already woken up. I'm sorry I couldn't spend the morning with you properly.

You probably have a lot of questions. I'll definitely explain everything in more detail when I get home, but for now, just read the information that you will need to come to your senses.

Your name is Y/N. Unfortunately, by the cruel design of fate, you were destined to be tested by a disease that I, your husband, tirelessly struggle with day by day. Believe me, one day everything will change and I will no longer need to tell you everything that I'll write next, over and over again every morning. But it's not a burden to me, my love, don't worry about it.

As soon as you fall asleep every night, your memories are erased in the morning, so you probably don't remember me or the house you ended up in.

This is our house, Y/N. We have been married for ten wonderful years now, and my love for you will never fade, no matter how many trials life throws at us.

You can warm up your breakfast, I left your portion in the fridge. If you need anything else, I've left hints on all the things you use every day. You can also walk to Liyue Harbor and visit me at work if you wish. I left a map for you in the hallway, with which you can safely get to the city, as you have done more than once. I understand if you don't want to see me before I get home, but I'll be very happy to see you anytime.

Please drink the decoction that you are probably holding in your hand right now. Although this medicine will not help to overcome your illness, it will make it easier to survive the stress of the information you have just read.

You have nothing to fear, Y/N. You're safe in our house.

See you soon, my love.»

The edge of the paper crumples in your hand when you unconsciously clench your fingers into a fist, trying to control the tremor running under your skin. Your gaze moves from the sheet to the mug with the cloudy liquid, and you instantly empty the glass, squinting and writhing from the bitter taste.

After putting the dishes back in place, you tentatively pull back the blanket, noticing that you are wearing a light nightgown, pulled up on your trembling hips, apparently from the way you tossed and turned, not wanting to wake up.

Emptiness. Not a single thought as you slowly lower your feet to the floor, sitting on the edge of the bed. There are too many thoughts, but you can't grasp any of them, being in a kind of trance in which your gaze glides over such a damn familiar, but completely strange house. You notice a lot of things, photos of you and some man, feeling that it all belongs to you, but for some reason… Wrong. This is all wrong.

You squint, pressing your palms to your face in resignation, before finally finding the strength to get up and go to the kitchen. Your legs seem to remember this short road, but your eyes refuse to believe that you've seen this place before. It is bright and spacious. In the middle of the room there is a small table designed for two, as evidenced by two chairs standing side by side. There is a light herbal aroma in the air, which permeates the walls of this house, but it is muffled by the sweet smell of baking. Apparently, that man… Your husband left home not so long ago.

How strange it is to call a husband someone whose name you can't even remember, although it's on your tongue, but all attempts to pronounce it are in vain.

«It's probably… a side effect…»

«You… don't remember me…?»

«It's for the best…»

You grab your head convulsively when other people's words, uttered in a painfully familiar voice, are introduced into your thoughts. The memories aren't as old, but they're not as fresh as you think.

«We will always be together»

Is that… is that your husband's voice?

You freeze for a moment, realizing something even more frightening than the fact that you can't remember anything. If everything that a man you don't know wrote in a letter is true, then how does he live with it? After all, you can barely remember what your face looks like, so now you slowly wander into the bathroom, and he tolerates every day that his loved one does not recognize him? He must really love you if that's the case.

You look uncertainly at your own reflection. Disheveled hair, tired look, lost look, crumpled shirt sliding off one shoulder. Even from the outside, you look like a real madwoman, although inwardly you feel that this is not the case at all.

The pleasant cool water calms down a little the alarming heat raging in your trembling body when you wash your face and then brush your teeth with a brush carefully signed with your name. While you were walking around the house, even out of the corner of your eye it was difficult not to notice how every thing that could potentially be useful to you was also signed with your name, and your heart shrinks in your chest from the mere thought that in the world there could exist a person of such bright and pure kindness of soul who is able to do everything This is for someone who barely even recognizes his face. It's probably the letter he left for you this morning.… He does this every day, right?

And so your whole day went by.

You wandered thoughtlessly around the house, checking every drawer and every corner in a vain attempt to awaken dormant memories in you or at least make your heart skip a beat from something other than an indescribable feeling of guilt. Your clothes, jewelry, dishes, men's things, books, jars of herbs, even a tidy sum of money lying in one of the drawers — nothing seemed familiar enough to you to remember anything.

And you didn't even notice how the sun had long disappeared behind the high mountains of the Geo Archon's lands, and the door of "your" house quietly opened. You were enthusiastically looking at the photos found in one of the many boxes lying in the attic when you heard unhurried footsteps coming from the kitchen before the man stopped at the bedroom door, causing you to turn around in fright.

— Oh, I'm sorry, Y/N, I didn't mean to scare you.

You're clutching a stack of photos so tightly, clutching them to your chest, as if it's the most valuable treasure you didn't even know existed. But now the glossy pieces of paper slip out of your hands as soon as your eyes meet the gaze of the man towering over you.

— Y-you are… — you stutter, looking away in confusion and suddenly stopping at one of the photos now lying on the floor. — My husband?

The man smiles softly. His golden, surprisingly snake-like eyes follow your gaze before he sits down opposite you. You can't help but take a closer look now in person at these long green curls, braided into a braid, probably incredibly soft and smooth to the touch when a man bends down, carefully picking up photos from the floor and collecting them in his hand.

— You always take them out when you're alone, — he smiles, giving you a gentle look from under the half-lowered glasses on the bridge of his nose. — And I'm also very disappointed that you didn't eat your breakfast after all.

— I just… — you mumble softly, but even those clumsy words melt on your tongue when you feel a man's long, elegant fingers wrap around your wrist, lifting your hand and turning your palm with the back of it to your face.

— This is the answer to your question, — the man raises his own hand, and you look at it in confusion, suddenly noticing the ring on your ring finger. And how did you not notice that before? Probably expensive gold and a small emerald, sparkling even in the dark, and on his hand… The same ring, but with a ruby. — I'm sorry, I seem to have forgotten to sign my letter with my name, as I usually do. Huh, maybe I just still have a glimmer of hope that one day you'll wake up and I won't have to get to know you again...

You notice how the man's amber eyes fill with sadness, but the corners of his lips are still stretched in a smile when he suddenly chuckles softly, interlacing the fingers of his free hand with yours, which he still holds in the canopy.

— But it's kind of cute, isn't it? I can meet you again and again, as for the first time, and hope that you will be able to love me again, — you finally feel your heart clench in your chest when he brings your clasped hands to his cheek. But it's not… it's not love. — My name is Baizhu, honey.

— Baizhu… — you repeat, as if deep in thought, but the man suddenly rises from the floor, still not letting go of your hand, slightly pulling you back and forcing you to retreat from another desperate struggle with your own memory.

— Don't overexert yourself, Y/N. You haven't eaten anything, let's go.

You feel like you should just let him take you to the kitchen, which you do, but for some reason you feel so damn uncomfortable around Baizhu. Those photos, his words, his look… Everything says that you probably love this man, since you even married him, but then why are you so worried?

You sit down at the table, carefully watching as an elegant man with perfect posture takes something from the refrigerator and hastily cuts it on a board before sending it to a heated frying pan. It smells delicious… Vegetables and some meat, as you think.

After a few minutes of waiting, a plate of warm snow-white rice appears on the table in front of you and a small portion of pieces of beef, carrots, pepper and sauce, which creates such an appetizing aroma that makes your stomach turn.

— I wanted to cook fish, but I decided that you should eat your favorite dish today.

— Hey! Are you going to pretend that I'm not here?

You scream when an unfamiliar high-pitched voice is heard behind you, and Baizhu just sighs resignedly, placing his palm on top of yours when you almost drop the chopsticks from your hand.

— Changsheng, could you not scare Y/N? — you don't understand with whom your husband is talking to, so you turn around hesitantly, noticing a squinting white snake on a small pillow, looking directly at you. — Y/N, please, don't be scared. This is Changsheng — she's not dangerous. She is… Our friend.

— Since when am I considered a friend of this little girl? I'm just an observer, girl, keep eating your dinner while I'm starving.

— Well, well, hush, — Baizhu suddenly gets up from the table just to get some treats for, it seems, your pet?..

— Why is she talking?! — you still find the strength to get out of your stupor and finally ask the man with his back turned to you.

— Oh, it's a long story, I'm afraid if I start telling it now, we'll go to bed too late, — Baizhu chuckles softly, leaving Changsheng alone with her food before returning to your table.

— Then you could tell me about it… Tomorrow?

«Tomorrow, right?»

You suddenly felt your stomach churn with fear. What's going to happen tomorrow anyway? Will you remember this conversation? Does it even matter what you say or do now if everything starts from scratch tomorrow?

— Of course, — your husband doesn't seem to be at all concerned about how your face is twisted by unpleasant emotions that have flooded into your scattered consciousness. You notice how he calmly starts his dinner, still smiling softly and bringing a piece of meat to his mouth before it disappears between his lips.

— Tell me… Baizhu, how long has this been going on?

You look at your portion, feeling that this food will surely satisfy your hunger, but for some reason your hands flatly refuse to take the chopsticks off the table again.

— Eat, Y/N, — your eyes meet. Baizhu looks at you with unreadable emotion. For sure, this is just a difficult topic for him.

Of course… After all, you'll forget everything that just happened, and he lives with it day by day, falling asleep again and again with the thought that once you wake up, he will be met with a frightened look again. You won't hug him, you won't kiss him, you won't tell him you love him.

You don't know who is he.

You didn't even notice the tears rolling down your cheeks until one of them dripped into your plate of food. It's all so damn unfair. Why do you feel such suffocating guilt, but at the same time you so irresistibly want to escape from here? Why do you want to run away from your own home, from your husband? It's all… too much.

— Oh dear,— Baizhu sighs. It seemed to him that it was not the first time he saw your tears, as if he even knows why you are crying, so he calmly puts down his chopsticks, reaching across a small table to brush a strand of hair from your face behind your ear and touch your reddened cheek. — I know it's hard for you. I promise, everything will change soon.

You look at Baizhu's blurred face in front of your tear-stained eyes, but you can't stop the tears even when you feel the thrill of his thumb caressing your skin.

«Is it hard for me? And you…»

— N-no, I'm sorry… I don't know what came over me, — you sob, trying to calm both yourself and your husband. You wanted to take his hand away from your face, but you let it linger a little longer on your cheek before Baizhu finally pulls away, instead picking up his chopsticks again and pinching a piece of meat from your plate between them.

— Eat, Y/N. You'll feel better, — his honey-colored voice sounds so gentle and affectionate when he speaks to you, bringing a thin slice of meat to your lips.

The smell is so inviting that you unconsciously open your mouth while the man gently puts the meat on your tongue.

— Ha-ha, you're a terrible in cook!

— Really? Then why are you eating my cooking with both cheeks, you rascal?

— Okay, okay, it's really delicious! Maybe it will even become my favorite dish, what do you say?

— Oh, you flatter me...

What kind of voice is that?.. This is not Baizhu.

The homely delicious taste on your tongue suddenly awakened fragments of memories, from which warmth spread in your chest. You remember the male figure so vaguely… his face is blurred, but you feel that your place is next to him. You want so much to grab onto this meager memory, but it slips away from you as quickly as it surfaced in your mind.

Baizhu notices you freeze for a few seconds before finally swallowing your food, and his snake eyes squint at you.

— Is something wrong? Did you remember anything?

— I… — you blunt your gaze down, suddenly feeling awkward. — No, nothing like that. It's just very tasty.

Why did you lie?

✧ ✧ ✧

July 19th

Annoying sunlight, the smell of fresh flowers, an unfamiliar room. And once again, you burst out of bed, clutching the blanket in your fists in fright, before you see the note lying on the bedside table.

«Read it when you wake up»

«If you're reading this, then you've already woken up. I'm sorry that I couldn't spend the morning with you properly again.

You probably have a lot of questions. I will definitely explain everything in more detail when I get home, but for now, just read the information that you will need to come to your senses.

Your name is Y/N. Unfortunately, by the cruel design of fate, you were destined to be tested by a disease that I, your husband, tirelessly struggle with day by day. Believe me, one day everything will change and I will no longer need to tell you everything that I will write next, over and over again every morning. But it's not a burden to me, my love, don't worry about it.

As soon as you fall asleep every night, your memories are erased in the morning, so you probably don't remember me or the house you ended up in.

This is our house, Y/N. We have been married for ten wonderful years now, and my love for you will never fade, no matter how many trials life throws at us.

Please eat the breakfast that I left on the table for you and drink the decoction that you are probably holding in your hand right now. Although this medicine will not help to overcome your illness, it will make it easier to survive the stress of the information you have just read.

You have nothing to fear, Y/N. You're safe in our house.

See you soon, my love.

Your Baizhu.»

When you enter the kitchen uncertainly, there is such a damn familiar smell in the air… meat and vegetables. For some reason, the phantom taste of this dish settles on your tongue and causes an inexplicable feeling of simultaneous calm and anxiety. It's probably what you ate yesterday, but then why are you so uncomfortable?..

Did something happen yesterday, or is it just a figment of your imagination?

Anyway, you notice a plate of pancakes still warm, and you look around the kitchen for a mug to make yourself some tea.

«Baizhu…»

You mentally repeat this name over and over again, trying to get it into your head that this is your husband's name. How could you forget such an important person in your life?

— Delicious… — swallowing the most delicate airy dough, you put down your fork and wrap your arms around your shoulders.

Your gaze turns to the street. The sun is shining brightly over Liyue, which didn't allow you to soak up in bed in blissful ignorance for another couple of hours. Will everything be fine if you go out for a walk? Baizhu… Your husband didn't leave any instructions on this topic. After all, you don't remember anything, but you're quite able to walk, so why are you procrastinating?

Hastily washing the dishes and leaving a clean plate with a mug by the sink, you went in search of clothes. Probably all the women's clothes in the closets of this house belong to you, although you do not remember buying at least one of them. Light dresses, a pair of traditional outfits, several pairs of shoes. There is no hint of what you are doing in this life at all. Do you really just live here and… that's it?

You look at several dresses incredulously, trying to imagine how they will fit you, but then you still choose what is more authentic, and turn to the mirror, taking in your figure with a glance. At least now you look less like a local lunatic than when you woke up in the morning.

When you got to the door, you suddenly noticed a small piece of paper lying on the shelf. The sheet doesn't look new like the one you found by your bed. As if this note has been lying here for a long time and it has already been read more than once.

Unable to overcome your own curiosity, you still sigh and take the folded piece of paper. For just a moment, you're tormented by the thought that this might belong to your husband, and you don't want to violate his personal space, but what the hell?

Unfolding the piece of paper, your eyes widened in surprise for a second before squinting at the drawings on the paper. It looks like a small map with small neat captions that indicated in the drawing, probably the house where you are now, and a certain place called the Bubu Pharmacy, under which it is indicated that your husband works there. Ah, now everything falls into place.

You breathed a sigh of relief.

Baizhu probably left this piece of paper just in case you want to take a walk. How sweet and thoughtful of him to worry about you not getting lost, and yet… It's a little unnerving for some reason.

Anyway, you folded the paper back up and put it in the pocket of the only bag you could find in the closet. Although you're sure you're not out of your mind enough to forget the way back, it's better to be safe, right?

When you emerged, you carefully closed the door with the key that your husband had left in the hallway. Fresh air… You take a deep breath, as if you've been locked up for ages, finally feeling a fleeting taste of freedom. Birds are chirping somewhere in the rustling deciduous branches, the grass tickles the bare skin of your feet peeking out of light sandals, and you were almost ready to just stay here and enjoy how the warmth of the sun warms the skin of your face, how the summer wind blows through the light fabric of the skirt of the dress, caressing your legs.

But from this hill, on which a small cozy house is built, in which you apparently live, there is also a beautiful view of the city below, which beckons you with all its appearance, and you do not even think to resist, so uncertainly, but still start your journey, led by pure curiosity and a desire to distract yourself.

When you get to the city, you are suddenly overcome by fear, which for some reason decided to make itself felt only now, when you are already standing with one foot on the bridge of Liyue Harbor.

What if there are people in the city that you should remember, but…

On the other hand, isn't this a good chance to try to remember something? If you have friends, family, and you are lucky enough to meet them on your way, won't they tell you what your husband might not know? Although it is foolish to believe that a person who cares so much about you would not have tried such a way to restore your memory, but still.

You have to try.

So many unfamiliar faces pass by you, but you look uncertainly at each of them. You might still be mistaken for a local lunatic, but what the hell difference does it make if you forget about everything tomorrow? You also notice local shops, restaurants and snack bars, looking curiously at the counters. It all seems familiar. It feels like you've been here before, but almost everything has changed since your last visit, except… The atmosphere? Yes, perhaps, the atmosphere of bright streets filled with the noise of conversations, muffled music and footsteps of hurrying people is exactly what seems native to you.

You stop at a jewelry store, mesmerized by the luxurious rings, chains and precious stones neatly laid out in the window. It's so beautiful, but it hardly suits you.

— You should definitely pay attention to this stone, — you flinch when a low, velvety male voice is heard behind you. You turn around and see an elegant, handsome man towering over you, thoughtfully pressing bent fingers in a black glove to his chin. Tall, slender, dressed in expensive fabrics that gleamed gold in the fading sunlight. The brown strands of his bangs barely sway in the light wind, as does the single exquisite earring in his ear. The stranger's amber eyes stare in amazement at the surprised expression on your face when you freeze, just looking up at him. — Ah, you must be… — the man suddenly stammers, clearing his throat before straightening up and smiling softly. — I wanted to say that this stone will suit you, besides, it is rare enough to be honored to be in your jewelry collection.

— Oh… I'm afraid I can't afford that, — you suddenly get embarrassed, nervously scratching the back of your head and looking away.

— I'm sorry for the tactlessness, I hadn't thought of that. It wasn't nice of me.

— No, it's all right!

— You are too kind, but still, as an apology, will you allow me to buy you tea?

You almost let out an exasperated sigh, but still decided to let the situation go. Although you really can't remember a single person you know, this gentleman's politeness is really amazing…

— If you insist, — you kindly agree, and the stranger gives you a soft smile before gesturing you to walk with him to a restaurant table on the opposite side of the street.

It's a little weird, but… this person doesn't seem bad. You watch a man kindly ask the waiter to serve two cups of tea, and thoughts begin to creep into your head that this man clearly has some kind of high position in this city. It is unlikely that ordinary people behave in this way because of a small misunderstanding.

— Ahem, I'm sorry, — you suddenly draw the man's attention to yourself as soon as the waiter hurriedly leaves the two of you. — I just wanted to say that really nothing terrible happened, so I hope you're not seriously worried about all this.

Honey-colored eyes widen as the man intertwines his long fingers on the table.

— Oh, I understand your concern. The thing is, I didn't really look at the price of this stone.

— Huh? — you wanted to be outraged that the first thing you noticed when you entered this store was the sky-high price tags, but then you cut yourself off. Perhaps this man is just so rich that he doesn't need to bother with such topics. — Ah, I get it. Then I suppose you were going to buy it for yourself, since you said it was quite rare?

— I'm afraid not. I can't afford it either.

«Who are you anyway?»

— I see…

The next few minutes passed in silence until two steaming cups of tea finally appeared on your table. The man thanked the waiter before gently wrapping his hand around the mug and bringing it to his lips. The stranger takes a short sip, closing his eyes and seeming to be aware for several seconds of the taste of the intoxicating drink that has fallen on his tongue.

— Perfect, — the man across from you suddenly breathed out before looking at you. — Please help yourself. This is the best tea in all of Liyue, I assure you, you'll not remain indifferent.

— I'm afraid to addicted to such expensive tea by accident, — you giggle nervously before trying your drink.

Well, the stranger really wasn't lying. Although you vaguely remember all the teas that you have ever tasted in your life, you could tell for sure that this one has a rich taste. Subtle fruity notes, slightly sweet, but not cloying… Perhaps it can really be called delicious.

— Oh, what an exquisite taste, — you try to look thoughtful, like him, when you swallow tea, trying to match your companion for today's walk, who, apparently, is even too well versed in what he cannot afford.

— I'm glad you like it.

— Okay, since we're having tea together now, can I at least get the name of the man who's treating me?

— Oh, where are my manners? I apologize. My name is Zhongli.

«Zhongli… Zhongli… something familiar»

— Well, then we'll get to know each other, Mr. Zhongli, — you smile politely, sipping a little more from your cup.

— And you?..

Damn, did you seriously ask his name and forget to do the same in response? Maybe you should have stayed home after all.

— Oh, yes… I… my name is Y/N.

Zhongli notices you stuttering, stumbling over the words before finally saying your name, and his eyes narrow for a moment before relaxing again.

— Perhaps my question may seem tactless to you, but you didn't want to tell me your name? Because it seemed to me that it was very difficult for you, — the man chuckles softly before taking another sip of tea.

— Huh, no… I don't want to burden you with my problems.

— No, it won't be a burden for me. Of course, if that's your wish, — Zhongli suddenly cuts you off.

You're hesitating, fidgeting in your chair. It doesn't look like he really knows you, so… wouldn't it be okay if you told him? He really doesn't look like a bad person, and how can such absurd information about you benefit him? No more than the babble of a stranger he met on the street.

— The thing is, I don't remember my name. I had to strain my memory a little to remember what my husband called me in the note he left me this morning… I don't remember anything and I seem to forget even the day I lived earlier, as soon as I fall asleep. So I suppose even our acquaintance will eventually be forgotten, as sad as it is to admit.

You suddenly become gloomy, plunging back into unpleasant thoughts about what is happening in your life at all… And can it even be considered yours if you don't remember it?

— That's how it is, — Zhongli chuckles, thinking at first, and then his eyebrows rise, as if he remembered something important, and one of his hands reaches into his pocket, from which the man takes out a small notebook. — Then why don't you write it down?

You look at him with undisguised surprise, but his words sound like something taken for granted, but something that you would never have thought of yourself in your life.

— Write it down?..

— Yes. You can write down that you visited a jewelry store today and met me there, and after that we talked and had tea. Then next time, if fate brings us together again, you can find out from your notes that we have met before.

— But I… can write down everything that happens every day… won't that help me remember at least what happened yesterday? — you enthusiastically press your palms against the table, asking this question more to yourself than to Zhongli, but he nods approvingly in response.

— I suppose so.

— Archons… — you feel tears coming to the corners of your eyes, and blink several times, graciously accepting the man's gift. — Thank you very much, Zhongli. I will… take care of that.

The man smiles, feeling a certain relief when he notices that he seems to have helped you solve some problem that was bothering you today.

— Glad to help, — you put the notebook in your pocket when the man finishes his tea and sets the cup aside. — I hope this will improve your condition a little.

You flinch when someone's hand squeezes your shoulder tightly. You turn around, lifting your head to see the man looming over you, whom you seem to have already seen in the photo in your house…

«Ah…»

— Oh, I suppose that's your husband? — Zhongli doesn't seem worried at all as he gets up from the table, slightly bowing to Baizhu standing behind you.

— Mr. Zhongli, what a blessing that you are the one who met my wife. I'm afraid to imagine what could happen to her if she walked around the Harbor alone, — you notice how your husband's eyes close and his lips stretch into a sweetly friendly smile.

— I just gave the young lady tea as an apology for my own tactlessness.

— It's nice that you admit your mistakes, it's very rare nowadays.

Their conversation sounds quite normal, but for some reason you feel your stomach clench with worry and anxiety.

— Like loyalty to the contract, good manners are something that has long been highly valued in Liyue, — Zhongli suddenly turns his gaze to you. — Now, if you'll excuse me. I suppose I can put you in safe hands now and take my leave.

— Y-yes… — you finally squeeze out the quiet words. — Thank you… for the tea.

Zhongli is smiling.

— I hope you won't forget the taste of it and come back here to taste it again.

And the man left.

✧ ✧ ✧

Baizhu didn't say a word as he dragged you up the stairs to a place that seemed to be the very Bubu Pharmacy to which he drew a map for you. It was quite strange to just let a man you didn't really know drag you in a rather possessive manner to a place that you only found out about in the morning, but for some reason you also remain silent, obediently following him.

It's like you have no other choice. Maybe, in fact, it is.

Your «husband» suddenly stops as soon as you overcome the seemingly endless staircase.

— I'm sorry, please. I shouldn't have been so harsh. You must be scared now.…

You notice how Baiazhu's face contorts in remorse as he looks at you with concern, gently squeezing your palms in his.

— It's all right.… I just found this and thought you wouldn't mind if I took a walk, — you pull your hand out of his grip and take out a homemade card from your pocket, which the man immediately snatches from your fingers.

— It doesn't matter. Y/N, I'm just worried about your condition. I don't think you should talk to strangers. Although Mr. Zhongli is a respected person, I don't know how this can affect your condition. Yes, I left this card, but I didn't think you'd be afraid to go anywhere other than my job, so…

— That's enough, — Baizhu freezes, silently opening his mouth when your face takes on an irritated look, and you cut off his endless stream of words. — I can understand your concern, but isn't everything okay? I'm here, I'm fine.…

— Y/N, I know it's pointless to ask you for anything, but just… Believe me, it would be better for you if you just stayed at home or if you came to me. Why didn't you come to me?

— BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW YOU! — you suddenly shout out, causing Baizhu to freeze in shock. Your words are laced with malice and it's so damn disgusting, but you can't help yourself. — I'm sorry, but I don't remember you, you know that yourself! Why should I listen to you at all? I wanted to take a walk, I have the right to do that, don't I?!

— Y/N, you're crossing the line, — you feel your husband's grip tighten on your palm, which was still in his hand. His snake-like eyes seemed to flash with anger, and the soft smile that you saw earlier disappeared from his face, as if it had never been on him.

The very air around the two of you has become heavier, and you feel like you're starting to suffocate. You have to say something, do something.… Apologize? For what?

— Mr. Baizhu… — you both turn around when you hear a small child's voice coming from the entrance of the Hut. Do you suddenly notice a little girl literally plastered from head to toe with… talismans? — I heard a noise.…

— Oh, Qiqi, it's okay, you can wait for me inside, — as if at the snap of his fingers, a kind and gentle smile shines on Baizhu's face again. But the grip on your arm remains just as painful.

— Okay...

The little girl awkwardly squeezes back out the door, and your husband turns back to you. You can feel his fingers slowly relaxing around your palm.

— I have a few more things to settle, and then we can go home. Or do you want to take another walk around the city?

— No, it's not… I'll wait for you here.

Why do you keep groveling in front of him, even though you've just seen what he can be like? It's an inexplicable feeling.… It's like you're being held down by unbreakable chains held by this man. You don't like it.

✧ ✧ ✧

The drive home was stressful, although Baizhu tried his best to defuse the situation by gently holding your hand and asking all sorts of trivial questions. He feels how tense you are, feels that you don't trust him, but he doesn't seem to pay any attention to it on purpose.

The rest of the evening goes the same way. He helps you change, cooks dinner for you, and you eat together, exchanging a few phrases before it's time to go to bed. You feel a certain relief that you will probably forget this chaotic day when you wake up the next morning, but… now you have a way to remember.

Is it worth writing about it? Is Baizhu really not trustworthy?

You don't know.

— Honey, are we going to bed? — your husband gently strokes your head, standing in the doorway of your bedroom until you dare to enter, clutching the hem of your shirt tightly.

— Yes, but I need to… Go to the bathroom.

That smile again.

— Okay, I'll be waiting for you in bed.

✧ ✧ ✧

July 20th

You're having a wonderful dream. You feel so happy, so carelessly free, when your palm rests in the hand of a man who kisses you on the top of your head.

And this image inevitably blurs before your eyes, no matter how hard you try to remember his face. All that you are allowed to take with you from this sweet dream is a feeling of warmth and comfort, woven by the pure feelings that you feel towards this person whom you are punished to forget.

And the last thing you see is a snake sneaking into your cozy nest before it wraps around the silhouette of the man you love, causing him to disappear without a trace. You want to scream, you want to cry, but you just look at how your pencil-drawn life is erased with an eraser, and obsessive images are drawn on top, from which a suffocating lump rises to your throat.

«Wake up, T/I…»

You open your eyes wide. The room, the smell, the warmth enveloping your body — everything is so unfamiliar and causes the anxiety that you experienced in the last moments of your spoiled sleep. You want to pull away from the pillow, but some force holds you motionless before you feel the movements on the other side of the bed.

It's so hard to breathe, and you purse your lips when you look down, noticing a man's hand hugging your body. Maybe it's…

— Good morning, Y/N.

You turn your head and see a sleepy man. His long green hair was carelessly scattered over the blanket, like thousands of threads that, if you blink, will wrap around your limbs. The man smiles softly, looking at you from under heavy eyelids. His amber eyes are like viscous honey, deceptively sweet and alluring.

— W-who are you? — you grab the edges of the blanket with your hands, pulling it higher over your body and fearfully tucking your legs in. A strange feeling of discomfort appears between the closed thighs, and before that only a distant nausea, originating somewhere in your stomach, begins to be felt more clearly.

— Your husband, of course. I'm glad that I have the opportunity to spend the morning with you today. It's not often that I get this opportunity, — a man's palm, resting on your stomach a second ago, now moves to your cheek, and before you even have time to react, his lips are on yours. The kiss is short and gentle, but you don't respond to it, only letting out a dissatisfied moan before the man pulls away, quietly grinning. — I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. You're so cute when you're sulking.

— Why should I believe you? And… — you wipe your lips with the back of a trembling palm. — …don't do that anymore.

The man smiles, resting his chin on his palm.

— In our house, you'll find many confirmations for every word I say. Although you don't remember it, we've been married for ten years and we love each other.

— Then this is… — you look down, squeezing your hips harder, feeling your underwear stick uncomfortably to your skin, before turning your gaze to a naked pale man barely covered with a blanket.

His face contorts in obviously feigned embarrassment.

— Ahem, like I said, we're married. Unfortunately, you forget all the events of the past day, so you probably don't remember what we did last night.

— That's how… — you want to believe his words, but for some reason there is something inexplicable about this man.

Dangerous.

— I think we should take a shower. Will you join me?

— I'm sorry, I… it's so awkward to ask, uh… — you look away, clearing your throat before your «husband» interrupts your mumbling.

— Baizhu. My name is Baizhu, — he smiles again, leaving a short kiss on your forehead before getting out of bed.

Your assumption that he really wasn't wearing clothes turned out to be correct. Baizhu puts on a robe before silently leaving the room. You hurriedly glance around the bedroom, but then glance towards the open door, hearing a quiet noise coming from, it seems, the kitchen. Hesitantly, you reach down, running your fingers under your underwear, almost immediately feeling your fingertips touch a viscous substance that instantly sticks to your skin. You abruptly pull your hand out from under the blanket, noticing how a cloudy milky slime has remained on your fingers.

«Indeed… Either you're my husband, or…»

No, this man doesn't look like a crazy maniac. You examine your arms and the rest of your body for bruises or any other signs of violence, finding no evidence of your frightening theory. Your gaze skims around the room once more, noticing a couple of photos, flowers standing on a table by the window, a woman's robe hanging on the back of a chair that probably belongs to you.

This place really looks like the home of two lovers. Cozy, bright and tidy.

— Here, have a drink, — you startled when Baizhu's voice suddenly rings out in the silence of the room. He's standing over your figure sitting on the bed, holding a small mug in his hand, even though you didn't even hear him come back.

— What is it? — you ask, holding out your hand in disbelief.

— I'm a doctor and I'm trying to cure you. I haven't been successful so far, but it's the least I can do, at least to avoid aggravating your condition.

When you accepted the mug from the man, you immediately felt the characteristic smell of herbs. The liquid is transparent, having a slightly greenish tint. It looks like a harmless decoction. You take a sip, instantly feeling the disgusting bitter taste on your tongue, and choke, almost spitting it all back out.

— Ha-ha, you've never liked taking my medicine, — Baizhu laughs, giving you a warm look before moving away from the bed only to take your robe from the chair and return, spreading it out in front of you while you writhe down the last sips of the decoction. — So you're accepting my invitation?

✧ ✧ ✧

It was so strange to feel the touch of a man you barely knew, who called himself your husband, when he was carefully helping you take a bath. Nothing obscene, but… you felt out of place. Baizhu acts like he's really known you for decades, but you can't return the favor. It's so weird. You didn't feel bad when his hands slid down your stomach, then gently and gently rinsing your crotch from the effects of last night, but it's embarrassing.

For some reason, you feel ashamed that you don't have feelings for this person. On the contrary, you don't even feel comfortable being around him. Of course, you don't remember him, and that's a perfectly normal reaction, but still… This is kind of crazy.

— As much as I'd like to stay with you, I still have patients waiting for me, so… I hope you can manage without me until tonight?

You wipe your hair with a towel, noticing that Baizhu has already managed to get dressed, braid his long hair into a braid and put on glasses. He looked very different than at this morning, but you can't say he looks worse now.

— I've done with this before, haven't I? — you giggle nervously, suddenly thinking about what you do every day.

— That's right, — the man smiles, slowly approaching you. For just a moment, he just stops his gaze on your confused figure before bending down and touching his lips to your cheek. — Then see you tonight, Y/N.

— Y-yes, see you tonight… Baizhu.

The door closes, you hear a loud click from turning the key. He's gone.

You just stand in the middle of the kitchen for a while trying to figure out what to do next, before your gaze stops at one of the drawers, on which it is written in neat handwriting «If you want to have a snack».

You don't feel like eating. Although Bai Zhu mentioned that he always leaves food in the fridge for you while you took a shower together, you hardly feel hungry. To tell you the truth, you don't feel anything. It's so weird, but you're really not standing here because you're thinking or because you need some time alone with yourself. You don't know what you have to do. Although the windows are tightly locked, you can see that the weather is quite pleasant outside, but Bai Zhu took the keys with him. He probably doesn't want you to go out alone.

He probably just cares about you.

You walk over and open the candy drawer, pursing your lips and just staring at the various candies and chocolates that you probably love.

— What am I even doing… — you sigh, about to close the drawer, but as soon as you start to slide it back, your gaze catches on some object lying under the stacks of neatly folded sweets.

You carefully push the chocolates away, noticing a small leather-bound notebook underneath. The first thought that crossed your mind before you unfolded the notebook is that there are probably some recipes written down here, since it is in the kitchen, but even after a cursory scan of the carelessly written lines, you realized that this is not the case.

«I don't know if you will check this place tomorrow, but I know for sure that Baizhu will not look into this box for a few more days…»

«I don't know why I'm hiding this diary, but it seems right to me…»

«July 19th

Today I met a man named Zhongli, who handed me this notebook. He seemed very friendly to me, but I still think that I should be careful with any people with whom I'm connected by fate. Don't you also feel this inexplicable anxiety? It's like everyone knows something you don't. It's so annoying.»

«Baizhu was acting strangely today… When he saw me chatting with Zhongli, they had a very strange conversation. I heard their words, but all the time I had the impression that I did not understand at all what they were talking about. Baizhu is definitely familiar with Zhongli, but does this mean that Zhongli knows me? If so, why didn't he say anything? Why did you pretend that we didn't know each other?»

«I thought about it all the way home while Baizhu tried to pretend that nothing had happened. He's trying to help me, so why didn't he give me a notebook like this before? Wouldn't that help me at least try to remember what happened the day before? It's not enough, I understand, but still… isn't it weird?»

«I feel like he won't let me out of the house anymore. Baizhu was so angry, even though he tried to pretend that he wasn't. He asked me why I didn't come to him…»

«Be careful. I don't know what is really going on, but… all hope is that I will find out in the future, which means I must keep this diary even at the cost of my life. Please move it to another place so that Baizhu will definitely not find it.»

«I'm relying on you. You should know what to do.»

The last lines of the diary, written in obvious haste, began to blur before your eyes. Your head is splitting so much that it feels like it's about to burst, and you wrap your hands around your face, dropping the notebook on the floor, when chaotic images begin to emerge under your closed eyelids.

A man in a suit, the taste of hot sweet tea. Fresh air, the paths of Liyue streets.

«Ah, you must be...»

«I hope you won't forget the taste of it and come back here to taste it again»

«T/I, you're crossing the line»

It's so hard to put the pieces together, like a puzzle with missing parts, but you're desperate to see the whole picture. An obsession that can drive itself crazy, but something forcibly keeps it in check at the cost of lost fragments. You really need to remember this, remember everything, but you run into an impenetrable wall, suddenly opening your eyes.

The kitchen, silence and only a very distant muffled sound of rustling leaves.

— What was that just now?.. — you rub your eyes, just pausing for a second before taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling, opening your eyes again and glancing at the notebook on the floor.

You have to… Continue recording. You have to write down everything that happened today, you have to write down what will happen tonight.

✧ ✧ ✧

July 23rd

— Have a drink.

You're sitting at the kitchen table, staring in surprise at your husband, who is handing you a mug.

— But I already drank it this morning.…

— You need to take this decoction twice a day, honey. I know you don't like the taste of it, but it's for your own good, — Baizhu smiles, leaving the mug on the table and insistently pushing it towards you.

You've been acting weird the last few days. Every morning starts the same as usual, but once Baizhu leaves for work and comes back, you… no, you just can't remember. It's impossible.

The man gently strokes your head, watching intently as you swallow the decoction. Every last drop.

— Good girl.

Baizhu's palm descends lower, gently massaging your neck. You flinch at the unexpected oppressive, but not unpleasant feeling, putting your mug back on the table. The bitter taste lingers on your tongue, forcing you to reluctantly swallow again.

— Baizhu…

The man tilts his head to the side, continuing to stand behind you, now moving his hand to your shoulder.

— Will I ever be able to… live as usual?

Baizhu narrows his eyes. The corners of his lips twitch before stretching into a soft smile.

— I'll do my best for this.

— But this decoction is the only thing I'm taking right now, isn't it? Isn't there… another medicine?

Baizhu's long fingers squeeze your shoulder harder.

— I'll definitely find it, dear.

— What if… — you stammer, suddenly pursing your lips, not sure if it's worth saying what you're going to say.

— If? — the man bends down, and you can feel his breath, from which the stray hairs are slightly waving near your ear.

— If… If I keep a diary?

— A diary? — the tone of Baizhu's voice lowers, and you can almost feel the smile fading from his face. — Where did you get such thoughts?

— Isn't that logical? If I can't remember what happened yesterday…

—No, — your husband cuts you off in mid-sentence. — We've been through this before, honey. Do you really think that I would neglect any way to help you if he was a worker?

— No, I'm not…

— You don't trust me?

You swallow nervously. Under the skin, the purest manifestation of fear that a person can experience seems to snake. This question… There is only one correct answer to it. It's on the tip of your tongue, but for some reason you don't dare say it out loud. Why? Do you really not trust him?

— I… — you take a deep breath before turning to face Baizhu. You're looking straight into cold golden eyes, staring intently at how you're desperately trying to hide the worry appearing on your face. He can feel the blood pumping furiously through your veins, throbbing under his grip on your shoulder. — Of course I trust you.

You gently place your hand over Baizhu's fingers, which are almost painfully pressed into your skin. Baizhu sees your expression soften, and you gently stroke his cool skin with your thumb, bending slightly and leaning your cheek against his hand.

The pulsations under his palm are becoming more and more distinct.

— Don't scare me like that anymore. I'm willing to do anything for you, — the grip on your shoulder loosens, and the fingers of Baizhu's free hand tangle in your hair as he bends even lower. His lips are just an inch from yours. You can feel his steady breathing on the skin of your face. — Anything.

And he kisses you.

So possessive and persistent. He can't help himself. He wants to tear you to pieces. He feels the bitter taste of lies on your lips. The same taste that his own lips have.

You're so unfair.

Isn't Baizhu doing enough for you? Why do you doubt it? It hurts Baizhu so much. He feels his heart oozing with a viscous, stinking black substance — the fruit of his own sin and your disgusting lies, and if he is ready to admit his own inferiority, ready to be punished for his actions, then you… he cannot accept that you can be so cruel to him.

You hesitate, trying to hold back the urge to push Baizhu away as his hand slides down your forearm before settling on your hip. It's not like a normal kiss. His tongue invades your mouth uninvited, long and slippery, almost making you gasp as he pushes insistently towards your throat before wrapping around yours again. You whine when he moves, now standing in front of you and possessively stroking your knee.

You were so sweet when you touched his hand. Baizhu almost believed in the sincerity of your words. He really wants to believe. And that's why he can't stop now until he feels your devotion on his own body. You belong to him. Your smell, your taste, your body and soul are all his.

Finally, the suffocating kiss is broken, and Baizhu's lips come off yours. He slowly pulls away, and the thread of your saliva mixture stretching between you breaks off as he begins to kneel down. You squirm in your chair, fearfully clutching the hem of your skirt as his palms slide up your thighs. The tips of your fingers deliberately touch the inside of your trembling legs, which you squeeze to the last before finally hesitantly spreading apart, feeling that if you don't, Baizhu will force them apart.

— What is it, honey? Don't you like it?

A cloying, such a disgustingly cloying voice. You know that he only expects one answer from you, but Baizhu also knows that you really want to answer. Are you lying again? No. This time he knows you're only lying to yourself. He's sure that if he touches your hot crotch now, he will feel the moisture sticking to the fabric of your panties. Isn't that adorable? Your resistance against the desires of your own body is what Baizhu lacked when he fucked you in your sleep, so pliant and completely surrendered to true desires.

— I-like it… — you whisper so uncertainly that you feel sick of how inept this little lie is.

— Well, of course… After all, I know you better than anyone else, — the tips of his fingers cling to your panties, and you reluctantly slightly lift your hips, allowing him to pull them down your legs and lift up your skirt. — I know what you want… — Baizhu's lips are pressed against the inside of your thigh. — I know that you love… — he inhales the fragrance coming from you, burrowing deeper and deeper between your legs. — I know that you'll never lie to me. Is that right, Y/N? You're only mine, aren't you? — your frightened eyes meet Baizhu's frighteningly cold gaze, and you nervously swallow a heavy lump in your throat before answering softly.

— Yes… only yours.

The amber eyes narrow slightly before Baizhu's lips stretch into his trademark smile.

— Even if you forget again, I'll remind you of it again and again, every minute of my life, if necessary… — you feel the man's hot breath on the sensitive skin of your thighs when he lowers his head lower again. — I'll always remind you of who you belong to.

There's something wrong with him, you shouldn't feel good with him.… But your consciousness is inevitably clouded by the uncontrollable heat localized in the bottom of your stomach. You can try to deceive yourself, but you can never deceive human nature itself. Baizhu knows how to please you, knows how to make you swallow all those brazen lies that came out of your tongue earlier and replace them with sweet moans that he loves to hear so much.

Baizhu can give you the love, enjoyment, and happy life you deserve. A life that no one else could give you. Just him.

And this is just the beginning.

«Be patient a little more, Y/N… I'll fix it soon…»

Your body trembles as Baizhu wraps his arms around your hips from below, keeping your legs spread apart. You feel so strange.… The sweet anticipation is so tempting, but it's like something's wrong. The darkness so languidly gives way to the vague outlines of your own legs with Baizhu between them as you blink slowly.

And then you see him.

The image of Baizhu suddenly blurs, replaced by the image of another man. You know him. You should know. Just for a moment you have time to look at his face, remember his soft smile, hear a voice calling your name.

You scream when you see your «husband» in his place again. His wide amber eyes are watching intently as you press your palms to your lips in horror. Your chest is shaking, rising and falling sharply in time with your labored breathing. The shackles of deceptive pleasure seem to have evaporated, now replaced by pure panic and anxiety, which penetrate deep into your skin, sending a chill down your spine.

— You… — you're not blinking. It seemed like you even stopped breathing. — Who are you?

✧ ✧ ✧

July 21st

«He refused to let me out on the street. When I asked him if I could at least go to work with him, his face suddenly darkened, but he was still smiling. As always.

Whatever he's trying to hide from me, sooner or later I'll get to the truth...»

«Why does he keep giving me this decoction? As soon as I asked what was in it and what it was for, Baizhu didn't answer anything and just changed the subject. It's so weird…»

July 22nd

«What if I had asked him about the diary? I really don't understand what he wants.… I know that Baizhu wants to help, I know that I should appreciate what he does for me, but think about it. Have you ever seen him do anything for you? Why does he never talk about my past life? Why does he just say that he is my husband and nothing else?»

«You have to find Zhongli… He definitely knows something. It's very risky, but why don't you try to escape through the window when he's not at home?»

July 23rd

«I met with Zhongli, but to no avail. No matter what I asked, his answers were so vague…»

«He said he couldn't tell me the whole truth. He said: «Why don't you ask your husband about it?». Should I even do this? The more I dig into it, the more I realize that he can't be trusted…»

«I have to ask him. Otherwise, it will never stop. I'm starting to remember… I'm starting to remember very vaguely the person I shouldn't have forgotten. Who is he? Baizhu should know him. But I can't ask about it directly.… I think he might get angry if I ask about another man.»

July 25th

— How sweet, — Baizhu smiles, gently closing the small notebook. — And how ugly it is for the God of Contracts to violate his own terms, although … — the man grins, slightly throwing his head back. — …but I should thank him, because don't trials make our ties stronger?

Baizhu turns to you.

— Oh, yes, yes, you can't answer me, — the tips of your fingers run over the tape tightly glued to your lips. — I'm sorry that I had to go to extreme measures. The last few days have been as hard for me as for you… I had to work overtime, leave you alone in this state. There wasn't a second that I didn't think about you, I swear.

He's stroking your cheek.

— Tomorrow will be our last first meeting, I promise. I'll make you forget about everything that worries you so much.… It's the least I can do to help you.

You mumble incoherently, fidgeting in your chair.

— Oh, I know what you want to say. I'm sick of having to do this to you myself. I really wanted it to be different, but your memories started coming back too soon.… This is my mistake. I'll fix it.

For a moment, Baizhu's face is distorted with mock sadness.

— I'm really sorry that I had to get rid of your former husband, — the man sighs. — I wanted you to forget about him, but even my skill is not perfect, it took a little time to refine the «medicine». I'm sorry you had to go through all this.

You gasp for air, about to scream as soon as Baizhu tears the tape off your face, but his fingers instantly press into your jaw, tilting your head back and forcing your mouth wide open.

— I have to give you credit. Although the idea of the diary seemed innocent to me at first, when you had already kept it before, this time you surpassed yourself. I knew that sooner or later you would start digging into things that you don't need to dig into, — Baizhu clicks his tongue. — You should have just trusted me. I have to be the only one who will carry this load.

You take a deep breath and immediately choke when he forcibly pours a disgusting-tasting liquid into your mouth, which you try to spit out, but it inevitably flows down your throat anyway.

— You don't need this.

The room suddenly starts spinning before your eyes. The tinnitus drowns out the sound of your coughing and vomiting.

— See you in our new life, Y/N.

✧ ✧ ✧

July 26th

A slight shortness of breath, and the eyes open abruptly. You're clutching the blanket convulsively in your hands.

Your eyes are frantically running around an unfamiliar room, you feel a drop of cold sweat trickling down your temple. Fragments of a painful nightmare pop up in my mind. There is still a bitter taste on the tongue, causing nausea.

— Are you awake yet, honey? — you turn your head sharply in the direction from which the velvety gentle voice is coming.

There's a man you don't know standing in the doorway. His eyes are closed behind the glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, and his lips are stretched in a smile while he holds two steaming mugs in his hand, from which a subtle coffee aroma emanates. You scan the soft features of his friendly face with your gaze, and suddenly your eyes widen when they notice a white snake wrapped around his neck.

— Hey, Baizhu! You already left me for a few days with Qiqi, and now you're forcing me to inhale this disgusting smell. Get it away from me, — the snake suddenly spoke in a haughty tone, making you completely numb from shock.

— Okay, okay, — the green-haired man grins, leaving the mugs on your bedside table before sitting on the corner of the bed next to you. — How are you feeling, Y/N?

You tear your stunned gaze away from the pouting and averted snake and turn your attention to the man who is carefully wrapping his arms around one of your palms.

— I… don't know… I'm sorry, but who are you?

The man's fingers tremble on your palm. His smile widens a little.

— Don't worry, my love, I'll tell you everything now.

✧ ✧ ✧

August 5th

Baizhu sips tea from his cup, sighing contentedly. He turns his head to the side where the sound of your ringing laughter is coming from. You carefully place a homemade wreath of flowers that you have managed to collect around your house on Qiqi's head, with a doomed look allowing you to play with yourself like with a charming doll. The little girl looks at you in a puzzled way, probing with her hands what turned out to be on her head, and you smugly straighten up, resting your fists on your hips, glancing at Baizhu, sitting at a table in the garden not far from the two of you. You wave at him and smile radiantly, making the man's heart clench in his chest for a moment.

So carefree and happy.

— I see that she's fine now, — Zhongli says, covering his golden eyes before taking a sip of his hot drink.

— Was there any problem? — Baizhu smiles, interlacing his fingers on the table.

The man opposite chuckles, returning his cup back to the small saucer.

— I'm sick of watching them not detach from each other for the last few days, — Changsheng snorts in displeasure, curling a tighter ring around Baizhu's neck.

— What a nice tea,— Zhongli glances at the empty cup. — Thank you for the invitation. I think I should go now.

Baizhu smiles softly, getting up from the table after the guest.

— I hope you'll find some more time to visit my wife and me someday. You were so kind to help her last time, and this is the least I could do to express my gratitude.

Zhongli nods briefly.

— I'm always happy to help.

— Oh, and by the way… — Baizhu takes out a small notebook from his pocket, handing it to the Consultant. — It was so kind of you to give my wife such a lovely gift, but I'm afraid she can't accept it.

Zhongli's eyes widen slightly when he recognizes the object in Baizhu's hand as the notebook he gave you at your last meeting before taking it back.

— It's a pity, but I guess it did her a favor after all.

— More than that, — the Doctor smiles, squinting slightly. — I hope you know what to do with it. Although I follow all the laws of Liyue, but this time I can forgive some mistake that you allowed yourself to make by violating the terms of our contract. It would be a shame if you were careless enough to look for loopholes in it again, Mr. Zhongli.

— I could say that I hope for future fruitful cooperation, but I wouldn't like to accidentally meet you again at night on the Wuwang Hill.

Baizhu chuckles softly.

— Fair point, — the Doctor turns around again, noticing how you worriedly pull out the wreath that Qiqi was trying to eat from her hands. — It would be extremely awkward to meet again under such circumstances.

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x you #genshin drabbles #yandere genshin #yandere genshin impact #baizhu #baizhu x reader #baizhu x you #yandere baizhu #yandere baizhu x reader #yandere baizhu x you #yandere

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teenandbeyond · 2 years

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could i request a part 3 of your yautja x reader series ! its such a good read ive been catching myself going back and rereading it all over again !

Yautja x Fem. Reader Pt.3

Decided to kill two birds with one stone for the last of the three shots.

I wanted to sate your thirst, dark fic readers since y'all been asking for a while (even though I'm not the best with this style, nor is it my usual type).

Edit: Low-key had to rewrite this before it turned into some 50 Shades of Grey shit...I got...invested (which says a lot considering I'm not deep into the Predator fandom.) Then I got sleepy, so I didn't double word check :) Edit 2: If y'all ever want to request the prince again, I can do it outside of the series...probably, it depends.

Want more from me? Masterlist 1 Masterlist 2

Part 1

Part 2

☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆

Little Princess (Predator)

Warning(s): Smut content, breeding, jealous Yautja, squirting, size difference, long asf (Might be the longest I've done for Yautja?), fingering, noncon details, possible triggers, exhibition (being watched), whipped Yautja (couldn't help but add a pinch of fluff for the last one)

The prince Ta'yto seems to have taken quite the liking to you, you've become his little Princess to breed...

✨✨✨✨✨

You briskly walked through the halls of the palace, not wanting to be late.

Ta’yto didn’t appreciate when you were late, last time you were punished for it, forced to sit on his lap throughout an entire meeting, how embarrassing.

The thing was, this place was a labyrinth and with the language barrier, you wouldn’t have been able to ask for directions. You had to solely depend on your memory.

Peeking down one way, your gaze flicked over the long walkway, “Here? No there isn’t a candelabra there…”

Which only left the walk way to your left a few feet ahead, you stalked ahead.

Just as you made the turn, you bumped into a solid chest, the firmness making you collapse to the ground, all the jewelry you wore ringing in the hall.

“Owww…” you rub at your forehead, squinting your eyes and craning your head up to see who you bumped into.

It was a Yautja male, not the prince you belonged to, Ta’yto had longer hair and he was wider, this one was slim.

“Sorry—Um…You don’t speak English, right, that’s pointless, [Name],” you muttered to yourself.

You stumble to stand up and straighten yourself due to the slim fit and flowiness of your dress.

A few clicks was all you got in response.

You gave a polite smile, “I should get going—”

He titled your chin up with a finger, seeming to observe you, arm pausing in its movement as he took sight of your blooded symbol.

“Ah…I should get going…”

As you moved to leave he grabbed your arm, easily stopping you, he began to trail his other hand from your chin to your hip.

“Let me go. This isn’t a good idea—”

You were cut off by a growl that felt like it shook the palace.

The predator touching you turned around to kneel to who was in front of him, which meant one thing…

The prince was here to collect you.

His footsteps must have been light before, they were heavy like thunder now.

He stopped in front of him, gesturing for him to stand and when he did stand…

You actually realized how tall Ta’yto was compared to someone other than you, he was at least a whole head taller than the predator in front of him. Having to lean down to be face-to-face—since at the moment his mask-thingy was off (you didn’t know what it was called).

There were a few exchanges of clicks, before Ta’yto decided to toss him away at the wall that connected to the entry of the other hallway.

You had to blink a few times to process that he tossed a fully-grown predator—you assumed anyway—with ease.

Then his head slowly turned to you.

You raised your hands in surrender, “I didn’t—ah! Put me down!”

He had simply tossed you over his shoulder, resting his hand comfortably on your ass as he turned to leave to his quarters like he usually did.

You see, after the fifth time with you, he decided you would officially be his mate. You were his favorite, so you had the privilege of sharing his quarters with him. He--despite kidnapping you and everything-- gave you luxury you didn’t expect, elegant dresses and jewelry from distant planets—learning you regularly needed food and water, made sure you were provided with some, and anything else you could need.

The only things that irked him, was one, despite all these things you still fought—admittedly at times he enjoyed it—it was still no less irking. Then, the fact that you never used the power you had as his top mate to decline the young and impulsive predators who tried to sneak and use you for themselves, knowing that you were taken. He had marked you with his clan mark—damn it, his name for goodness sakes.

Ta’yto found it quite adorable when you muttered angrily in English, thinking he didn’t understand a single word. Sometimes you had a colorful array of names to call him, both in irritation and in pleasure.

“The throne room?” you wondered as you noticed the familiar doors close.

After the short trek up steps, he set you down, only long enough to plop into the sturdy throne and set you on his lap. He sighed, gripping your thigh through the dress.

“I…he didn’t do anything really…” you tried to assure.

At this point, you didn’t necessarily hate him anymore, but you didn’t like him much either.

It was kind of hard to when one minute you’re fighting to the death together only for you to get betrayed and get brutally handled by him.

But he did, he touched what didn’t belong to him.

All he had to say was that ‘She was so tempting. I’m sorry, Prince Ta’yto. I won’t do it again…’

Ta’yto spread his legs, yours following along, before you could even react his rough hand slid under your dress.

“What are you—” your breath hitched as his nails gently grazed against your inner thigh, so close to the warmth between them.

It had been a while since he hand his hand there, after the first time, he’d just preferred to get straight to it.

You whimpered as playful fingers trailed up, his finger moving over the bare, pink, flesh with calculated strokes.

You clenched your thighs to stop it, “Not—Not—”

He simply grunted and spread them open again with his free hand that had been on the armrest.

You bit your bottom lip, trying to contain the thin amount of dignity you still had, you wouldn’t let him win that easily.

Trying to ignore how much more sensitive your body had become each time he had his way with you.

But you couldn’t stop the drawn-out gasp that left your lips when he finally slid in two of his fingers, providing you with a little relief after the immediate tension he created inside you.

But what you hated, was that your body was excited, because you knew two wouldn’t be enough to prepare for him, he’d have to give you more.

You stiffened when the door opened, the advisor or whatever he was had walked in, but after taking in the situation, he gave a few clicks and turned to leave.

But Ta’yto’s voice stopped him, he said something you didn’t understand, which they nodded to before leaving.

You didn’t have time to wonder what that was about because then he was moving again.

Your brows scrunched as you tried to focus, his guard is lowered, you could possibly attack him. He may be stronger than you, but move quick enough, you could immobilize him.

Your eyes flicked over to the sharpened spike on one of the sides of his foot rest. Thinking of all possible scenarios for a few minutes. But you would have to bend and reach for it, that would be too much time.

“I—can you stop for a second…I…I’m too sensitive…” you attempted.

Not that it worked, of course.

Then the door opened again, it was the Predator from before in chains.

You could feel Ta’yto chuckle behind you, before speaking to the Predator in their language.

“You know. The thing about tempting things, they aren’t attainable to scum like you…The reason I brought you here, is to remind you what’s mine and that you can’t have her. You aren’t permitted to speak or leave until I tell you. Think about this the next time you decide to touch what doesn’t belong to you.”

He turned his attention back to you who had turned your head in embarrassment and closed your legs, even though the scum couldn’t see underneath the dress.

He spread your legs again, giving his hand access to move, “This is mine. Only I can touch it like this, you could only ever dream…”

He quickly switched from a tame pace to a rough rhythmic one, making you gasp and let your head fall into his chest.

“Didn’t you touch her here?” he gripped your chin that had been touched before, forcing you to look at the chained Predator, as he added another finger, “Well, I’m reclaiming it.”

This should’ve still been embarrassing to you, but it so, so, erotic, so…so strangely powerful all you could do was tighten around his fingers.

You gripped his arm tight, “Please, it’s too much, not—not yet—hah…”

You found your hips moving to meet his fingers, desperate for the soon coming release.

“And every other place your slimy hands touched her... She doesn’t smell like me as strongly anymore…that needs to change.”

Your nails dug into his bicep, not that he felt it much.

He likes that his research on female humans and what brings pleasure was put to good use with you.

Speaking of…should he try that new thing he learned about yesterday? Well, since he has an audience, he might as well give a show.

In the same motion he tore off your dress, your places were switched, your bare body sitting on the throne while he stood, towering over you, before kneeling down.

Which confused you, considering he was the royal one and you were not.

But you were totally clueless to the fact that this Yautja was so addicted he had no problem doing so at any time.

With another quick move, he gripped your legs and tugged you forward, it was so sudden, you had to grab the armrests to steady yourself.

“What…what are you..?”

His face was way too close to your nether regions, you could feel his breath, which made you twitch each time.

What was he going to—your eyes widened as you felt a wet muscle brush against you.

What was going on? Was he—? Where did he learn this?

You yelped as the few cautious licks of a forked tongue became ravenous, he gripped your thighs hard as his tongue teased you.

“Ohhhh,” you sighed out, biting your lip to keep quiet.

But that’s not what he wanted, so he slid in the hard muscle.

You gripped the armrests for your life, barely able to hold eye contact with him as he devoured you like a starved man. And the mandibles brushing against your skin made it worse.

You tossed your head back, a desperate moan leaping from your throat, the feeling too good, tears bubble up to your waterline, “Please don’t—Not that—Not there—Please!”

But he doesn’t pause, he just gets impossibly more aggressive.

He wants the tears to fall, that’s what always happens before you break. He wants you to break.

He adds his fingers into the equation again, the minute he does, you’re gripping his head like a lifeline.

The closer you get, the louder you get, which he likes. He likes when that composure you try so hard to keep disappears. Shatters before his very eyes. He keeps his eyes on you, wanting to see the moment when it happens.

And it does, but not in the way he was expecting, your chest hiccups as the tears finally fall and you shake your head, almost like you want to refuse the feeling, but you don’t, not really, he knows that.

“No, no, no, I can’t…no…”

And your hips jerk, you’re no longer able to control them and a water-like substance escapes from you. He quickly gets over the surprise and happily excepts it. This is new and you show no signs of being in pain, more than the usual anyway, so he succeeded, right?

Then your crying is of embarrassment, you hadn’t done that before.

But he doesn’t allow you to wallow in it for long.

Your breath is ragged as your legs shake, but you know he never shows mercy on you.

Definitely not today since he’s showing off how beautiful you are and how well you take him, that he’s got something no one but him can have. No one.

The second thing different about today, he rubs a thumb against your thigh, as if saying good job or good girl.

He doesn’t stay there too long, ready to cleanse his mate of the scum that dared touch her completely.

You whine as he finally sheds off his loincloth, you’re way too sensitive to take him now.

And he knows you’re sensitive. He knows you’re sensitive as he lifts you by your shaky legs to place you on his lap again as he sits on his throne. He knows you’re sensitive as he rubs you against his erection as you face away from him. He knows your sensitive as he moves one hand to the hip that was touched.

But he knows you can handle it, his little pet always handles it.

“Ahhm! Fuck!”

He growls as you suck him in, your body molded into the form his wanted. Now your body so greedily accepts him as compared to before. He fits so perfect, like your body conformed to his shape. You really are just for him.

“She fits me perfectly. So, you see—ngh—you could never satisfy her anyway, you peasant.”

You barely have time to settle before he’s pounding away.

“Sense—sensetiv—!”

Haven’t you learned by now that he doesn’t really care?

You’re just his little pet—

Well, Ta’yto supposed that wasn’t true anymore.

You were more than a pet—although you were still a pet, his little pet—

You were more than that…his true mate—no…his princess.

Maybe he should marry you.

Would that be strange? He might be looked at weirdly since it wasn’t a thing for his race.

But if he got to pound into this every day, this hot, tight, warm—

Anyway, you were the best mate he’s had…you were fit for royalty both figuratively and literally you fit him into you like he was meant to fill you whenever.

Speaking of filling, you’d look absolutely ravishing with a little bump, at this point he genuinely wanted it.

He’d have to do his best to be gentle no matter how arousing the sight would be. He wouldn’t be able to not fuck you, so at the very least he’d just be gentle and still be able to feel you around him like a vice as you held his child.

The thought of impregnating you gave him a whole new burst of energy.

His little princess having his little baby.

Maybe more than one, how many babies could a human have without dying?

He wanted that many.

“Too much—Too-too much! Please, I—I can’t” you sobbed turning your head into his side.

Little princess, don’t you know your tears only spur him on? He likes when you cry.

He grips the inside of your knee a little more, ramming into you. Wanting to unsure he fills you with strong seed, strong enough to give him children.

You spasm around him as you release again, the feeling so intense it’s hard to stay conscious as you settle.

But his pace barely slows, despite the tightness, and only speeds up again once you finish.

You beg, “Please…I'm done...I...”

Your head collapses onto his chest as darkness takes over you.

And he doesn’t stop, no, not until he spills every drop into you.

"The thing is princess, I decide when you're done."

And a month later he got what he wanted, a cute little bump, his little princess.

And oh, how he wished he could ravish you how he wanted…but he’d have to wait for that.

#yautja thirst #yautja x reader #yautja x human #yautja smut #yautja #the predator #yautja prince #predator x reader #predator smut #predator x human #predator #smut #predator dark fic #yautja dark fic #dark fantasies

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voltstone · 2 months

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A YELLOW DRESS FORGOTTEN | TWDG Retelling (Remastered - 2024) MASTER CONTENT POST

Hello! (And hello again to the TWDG fandom. At least, to anyone who remembers this fic.)

I'm VoltageStone. Still a shit uploader. I'm trying, and yes, this is one of the fics that has been in the works for...way too long, but at the same time..., glad I waited for my writing to get better?

This, quite simply, is my love-letter to the games, and to my Clementine. It's the one story I've wanted to get right, time and time again.

Especially since the comics have come out. Even though I've come to the conclusion that the comics are divorced from the games, because it's only one person's Clementine (and an...interesting interpretation of her at that), the comics did pull me away from the games for a little bit there.

But now I'm back. And I do intend to get to Season 4 this time. To finish this.

It'll take time, but I do feel ready now. I really have wanted to write out my Clementine's story, and have something that I can read back on rather than whatever Skybound's doing.

And honestly? While most of this is a self-indulgence thing, and it's because I'm bleeding my heart out here...

I do want more people to write about their Clementines. Cuz like... Maybe if there's enough people doing it, writing about their experiences, and not just the character as a whole... We'd get more enrichment from TWDG as a whole.

For anyone who wants to add on or talk about this, or follow along without having to subscribe to me, this fic will have its own tag (#aydf fic). So. If you're interested in just this, that'll be the place. :D

Anyway, now, for this specific update, this is a master post like the one I did for LYCOS (Wenclair fic). This isn't marked dead dove, but it is still a very...gritty fic. And it has a lot of very heavy themes.

It's a dark fic for different reasons, but a lot of the same. AYDF is what got me into writing gore, body & psychological horror, and the like. That being said, it's...also just a different beast.

Largely because I'm building off of what's in the games, so dead dove doesn't feel as appropriate for this.

Still. Might as well make a post here about its content. Any updates I do will be linked back to this.

So, for those who read this story before, I hope you enjoy, and thanks for sticking around through the years.

To any newcomers, to TWDG or other readers from other fics, I hope you enjoy. :)

-- -- --

Walkers. Muertos. Deadheads. Lurkers... The dead which roamed, they wore many names. Monster was yet another one. Though, Clementine knew most monsters didn't decay. Their hearts still throbbed. Their eyes, still with color. The monsters, still with words to asphyxiate. Because she was one herself: a monster with fire in her breath, and eyes that burned her own Hell. She drank for her life. She drank to forget.

A thank-you to Telltale, a love-letter to Clementine as a character, and a passion project writing out my Clementine's story. Made by my blood, sweat, tears, and probably also mucous from the tears, but it's sanitized, I promise.

AO3 | FFnet | Wattpad | Quotev | RoyalRoad

Fic Layout:

General Warnings:

Catharsis, Gore, Extreme/Graphic Violence, Fights, Murder, Horror, Body Horror, Angst, Trauma, a very Cynically Religious Clementine, Raider!Clementine, TWDG retelling (aka, a lot of the dialogue and canon-events will be here, or rewritten), (some, not a lot) Sexual Content (because it's a "growing up" thing not a horny thing, I promise, …and maybe sorta a little bit of how BPD and attachment issues do things), Violentine, a lot of homoeroticism, they are touch starved, Some fairytale symbolism, Louis will be protected and grow tf up.

Mental Health:

Alcoholism, Gambling Addiction, Addiction, Withdrawal, Relapse, Suicide Attempt(s), PTSD, Guilt, Survivor's Guilt, Rehabilitation, Psychosis, Child abuse, Parentification, and how that basically fucks Clementine in the head like a lot, and then A.J too because cycles and trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder, Trauma Trauma Trauma, and you'll never guess, a Clementine who really really really needs help and at least one (1) actual breathing adult in her life.

Oh which reminds me.

Finding guidance in adults who are already very much dead, and please Clementine, would you just bury the corpse?

…okay that's verging on dead dove, but if the game (almost) has an 8-year-old eat a dude's leg, and then a bigger dude get his head smooshed by a salt lick (which tastes gross, I dunno), I think it's still safe.

In Summary:

...okay I may have written a Carver's Clementine by accident bUT it was an ACCIDENT. My hand slipped. She's not evil, just a little demented some days, and bitter on the better ones.

I am half-joking. My hand didn't slip.

She does make the comic's Clementine look like an angel, though. So. There's that.

Anyway, if it's not clear, the tldr is this is my playthrough, and thusly my canon Clementine, just with the story tailored for indulgence and narrative reasons. Cuz. …alcoholism. …and stuff.

Not a great person. Very troubled. But you know. Tis how addiction works.

Hope you enjoy. :) If you see my blood, sweat and tears stained in the writing, no you didn't.

#volt's library #aydf fic #twdg #clementine twdg #twdg fic #fanfiction #aj twdg #javier twdg #violet twdg #the walking dead game #the walking dead games #telltale #violentine #alcoholism #this is a genuine fic by the way so the unhinged warnings are…taking the piss out of it a little but i do mean them #it's dark to reflect my playthrough but ultimately to reach a catharsis #this IS my clementine #mycanonclementine #my love letter to twdg and clementine

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fayestardust · 3 months

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Miscellaneous Tag game

Tagged by bestie @almost-a-class-act

Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?

Probably California, because accessibility is so great there. I actually loved LA, but I would guess I wouldn't like it so much if I had to live there. It's the visiting that is cool.

Something you’re proud of yourself for?

Honestly, for still being here? I know that seems like a dark thing to say, and it kind of is, but I've been through a lot of shit, and life continues to be hard. So I'm proud that I'm trudging through it.

On a more recent scale, I am really proud of myself for walking through the Bois Jacques and Trou de Loup forest the other day with my BoB family. It was the most I've walked in probably the last ten years and while I was completely out of breath, it felt great to have done it.

Favorite books?

I don't know anymore. Maybe the Housekeeper and the Professor. But recently, Wool by Hugh Howey.

Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?

The last time @almost-a-class-act came to visit, and also any of my BoB trips. Something about found family. Squeee.

Favorite thing about your culture?

Probably that we pull no punches. And I'm not sure if it's part of our culture but growing up, everyone was always welcome in our house. To stay for dinner, to sleep over, just about anything. I love that I was taught that.

When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?

Band of Brothers way back when it came out when I was in high school. Our history teacher was cool like that. Then I watched it with my dad (now 84) and I got into the Pacific slightly after it came out. Fun fact is that I initially did not like it. Too violent and a bit scattered, I thought, but now I like it about just as much as Band. Covid launched me back into the series harder than ever before, and I watched both plenty of times with @almost-a-class-act. Then the whole art thing started and the rest is history.

Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?

I've read Band of Brothers, Easy Company Soldier and Parachute Infantry. Easy Company Soldier is my favourite out of those. I've also read Bob Leckie's book Helmet for My Pillow, which might be better.

Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?

I can't pick a favourite, it changes all the time. My favourite scene is Doc and Babe in their foxhole, though.

Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?

I make art and, on rare occasions, write fic and sometimes poetry. Not enough, though.

Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?

Andrew Garfield can do no wrong. Give me him in just about anything. Under the Banner of Heaven was impactful. Reminds me that I have to finish watching Silence. I started watching it over Christmas with my family, but we decided it was too heavy for Christmas. Paul Mescal has been one of my recent faves.

Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?

I have one but my brain is broken and I can't think of it right now.

Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?

Hm, maybe I used to sing a lot and once recorded an album. Or that I wasn't always in a wheelchair.

If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?

Yes, but I have @almost-a-class-act. She never lets me down.

Three things that make you smile?

My cats. My signed art. My camera (nerd!)

Any nicknames you like?

Faye, K-Maart (begrudgingly)

List some people you love to see around on tumblr!

@mutantmanifesto @almost-a-class-act @derry-rain @cody-helix02 And loads of you who I just don't remember because my brain is overloaded.

What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?

Die.

Favorite movie?

I don't know, don't make me pick.

Do you like horror movies?

I do not. Though I guess it kind of depends on how suspenseful they are and if they have jumpscares.

Tagging: @derry-rain @mutantmanifesto @cody-helix02 @wordsluts

#tag game #me

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jaylleoo14 · 6 months

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- 🌷🌷🌷 -

DNI

❌Do not mix my content with reality. If you cannot tell between fiction and reality then I ask of you to simply not interact at all

❌ I understand if you are disturbed or bothered by dark content, but I ask you to not bash at me. Simply not interact at all, I create sfw and lighter work for those who do not enjoy such content

❌ I will not allow any negativity on here, so have some basic manners will you?

❌ No incest/bots/homophobia/transphobia/bigots (The amounts of times i've been so enraged due to the disrespect and discrimination!) General hate/ Pedophilia

❌ Blank blogs. If you dont want me to interpret you as a bot please at least have some pfp and picture or bio on your page. SOMETHING to lmk ur not a bot because if not then I will block you!

❌ I ask of you to please not trauma dump when I do not know you

To Note

❗I would like to make my blog a safe space for everyone, please dont be shy to share your little rambles, dark or wholesome I'm willing to read it!

❗ I wont be writing/drawing anything NSFW (smut) bc im a minor, so it makes me feel a little iffy knowing that. Though I am fine with making dirty/sexual jokes for the fun of it. At most it'll only either be heavily/lightly suggestive or/and implied if I ever were to write/draw anything in that area or were to include it. (I have my thirst moments too after all)

❗I really like horror, so dont be surprised if I expand to gore or the general field of horror. Sometimes i like to focus on the horror aspect more, so [said character] may or may not be an automatic yandere for that purpose

❗ I love yanderes!!! I think they are personally fun to write about and think about. But of course I love characters who aren't in the yandere themes as well (such as Miyamura or Genya)^^

❗My Blog is Multifandom. Dont expect me to only post content for only one fandom. Though asks are open and free for you to ramble!

❗ I'm a little shy in all honesty but please dont be shy to say hi<3 I'll start warming up to you if we interact often and i'm pretty friendly!

❗If you want to be mutuals please actually interact with me first before asking.

❗I am alright with being tagged in posts<3

❗ I am open to suggestions, chit chat, or your little rambles! It might help me wrack up another idea to write or draw about ^^

❗Please depict the characters as 18+ please because I usually like to write in settings where you'd be of age to attend or do such things (such as working in a specific profession or going to raves) unless stated or interpreted as otherwise.

❗I do not condone any toxic or your typical yandere traits in real life, along with a lot of immoral and dark themes. I know what im doing, I simply enjoy these themes in fiction. Do not base me as a bad person in real life because of that

❗I wish to Indulge in you to put it quite simply<3

Request Rules

✔️ As long as you can provide me a scenario/situation/idea/plot of a character I can make do with it!

✔️ Preferably limit to 5 people when asking at most!

✔️I have the right to refuse a request if I seem uncomfy/iffy/or unfamiliar with what's being requested

✔️ It would be great if you were to be specific with what you would like to request, in that way I can fit it to what you desire! I'm willing to indulge in you <3 Though its fine if you were to make it broad or general

✔️Although being neurodivergent myself I would like to ask you not to be too heavy on such specific topics when requesting.

✔️ Theres no specific way to give an ask, so just go for whatevers on your mind! <3

With that, I think I added all that I could think of. So please do enjoy your stay, that is if you decide to🌷

~Sincerly, Jay/Jello

Due to be edited anytime if needed

#🌷 navigation

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hostica-a · 8 months

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𝓥𝖊𝖈𝖓𝖆 ; The Upside Down

I'm due for a big old rambly headcanon post so lets do it. In light of a couple updates on the Stranger Things Writers account, including them promoting Evil Dead as relevant to Stranger Things in some way and recently adding a picture of the novel "A Wrinkle in Time" for the same effect, the brain worms are wiggling again !! I've personally referenced the Evil Dead multiple times regarding my theories/thoughts/headcanons on the Mindflayer so the ST writers account confirming "some part" of the Evil Dead universe is reflected and taken for inspo in Stranger Things excited tf out of me, and the content found in A Wrinkle in time continues to further add to my personal theories on that in particular as well.

I mean, A wrinkle in time is also loaded choc full of religious and spiritual themes, tied hand in hand with the supernatural and science fiction and I've mentioned that's precisely where Stranger Things is thematically ( Although the fandom doesn't seem to believe it. ) The dark amalgamation of religious, cosmic and sci-fci horror is genuinely my favourite thing about Stranger Things as a series.

Although being honest my PERSONAL headcanons and portrayal on Vecna and the Mindflayer are not necessarily meant to promote Christian values or Christianized views on morality or good vs evil as is the case with a Wrinkle in time. More to the opposite, actually.

As I've been over in another headcanon, personally, I more display the Mindflayer as "god", or an allegory of, rather than an allegory for Satan as seems to be more the case with "The Black Thing" in "A Wrinkle in time" and could very well be the case with Stranger Things canonly, but I also wouldn't say thats what Stranger Things is going for given we can't survey season 5 or how anything with Vecna and the MF is going to go just yet.

But none the less I'm excited by the little "updates" and the "clues" they're giving and I wanted to talk about a few of my insane weirdo takes as well involving Vecna and the UD specifically.

I've surely mentioned some of these things before, some in great detail, but others less so, so we're gonna run over some stuff again.

So, essentially as far as it goes in my HCs RN Vecna is the one who "shaped" the Upside Down to look like Hawkins. Like, I actually have two theories on this and I like them both but I'm using the slightly more insane one for my own writings and thats the one I'm mostly gonna be rambling about.

As far as my headcanons go and the one I'm CURRENTLY working with in threads and such is in a nutshell I think the "yellow / red world" we saw Henry and the Mindflayer in is more of a pocket dimension to ultimately what became the Upside Down. I'm probably not gonna be making a whole lot of sense here, especially if you haven't read my other HCs about the Mindflayer and Vecna, and the references I take from H.P Lovecraft, specifically Azathoth, Nyarlathotep and the Crawling Chaos.

But anyway, essentially the Shadow / Cloud mass isn't the mindflayer's true corporeal form. Its more a manifestation of the mindflayer's "Astral form" or some fragment of it anyway. And it was, shall we say, "trapped" in this "pocket dimension" before Henry linked up with it and freed it.

Because again, taking heavy inpso from Azathoth and myths surrounding the being from the HP Lovecraft universe, there is a concept that Azathoth was somehow "imprisoned", although as essentially the creator of all reality it can never really be contained or "stopped", Azathoth's omnipotence remains even in its discombobulated or 'unconscious' state.

And I'm very much going for the same vibe with the Mindflayer. Its true corporeal form is simply incomprehensible, and it interacts with the world through its 'dreaming' or 'astral form'. Another fun bit of info is if/when threads come up where Henry references concepts such as Inari's Web or figures in creation myths such as the Spider Grandmother, they're all actually related and connected to the concept of The Mindflayer and my likeness of it to Azathoth. The mindflayer is a thing that simply exists across and between multiple dimensions.

Though parts of it have been "contained" in some places, although how it got trapped in some places I haven't decided or specified yet but I like to think it had less to do with other cosmic deities deciding it needed to be stopped and more to do with its own "mindless" hunger.

So anyway, as I also mentioned and continuing with the weird horror theme, I portray the Upside Down as, quite literally, a living organism, ( I have done a pretty lengthy post on that in particular floating around on one of my blogs ) and potentially part of the mindflayer's actual corporeal form, a bizarre world that is the inside of a gargantuan deity that represents all reality.

A world that happens to be sitting parallel to the "cursed" town of Hawkins. Where Henry originates from. Truly, Henry coming to live in Hawkins was the worst thing to happen to Hawkins and probably the world because Henry was born "sensitive" in my HC. He was born with clairvoyant abilities. ( Its been suggested Victor could have been somehow "sensitive" as well given he is the only other character in the Creel family apart from Henry who had the sense of a "presence" in the Creel house. )

Due to Henry's clairvoyant abilities he was able to receive "transmissions" from "the Mindflayer", currently residing in the otherworld. It was because of the Mindflayer's influence that Henry's powers heightened the way they did. You could even say, in a way, it gifted him those powers and groomed him to take his eventual path with them. Not helped by Brenner, and the Lab at all of course because they're another huge factor in this.

The Mindflayer "chose" Henry to be it's intermedium. And I'm not going to say the Mindflayer always wanted to "Destroy the world" or that its "evil" or anything so "simple", because more the reality is that its just "hungry." It rots and consumes Hawkins for that far less morally aligned reason. Its indifferent to humanity and morality because both of those things are entirely beneath it. ( As Dustin explained in season 2, the Mindflayer thinks itself superior to.... Everything and if you are in fact an ancient cosmic deity wheres the fault in that logic exactly ? ) Destroying the world isn't its goal, rather, its not destruction, its renewal.

Because as I've also mentioned many times before I'm defo taking some inspo from the Legacy of Kain series and the depiction of the entity known as the elder god. Essentially the Elder god has an influence over life and death because it feeds on death, or rather it feeds on souls, but its not so simple because by feeding on souls the "elder god" also "spins the souls" back into the "wheel of fate", hence, while everything is destroyed by the elder god it is also renewed by the elder god. It is essentially the "cycle of life" or "fate" personified as a monstrous squid like abomination that resides in the "otherworld", that is depicted as a dark/warped version of normal reality full of monsters.

AND that is also a kind of aesthetic I'm going for here because I think it works and LOK is just another thing that I would be VERY SURPRISED if the Duffer bros and the ST writers didn't actually have in the piles of inspo because it def has so many similar elements to ST going on BUT THATS for another post.

Because ultimately I haven't fully decided if the MFs intentions are anything beyond "eating", I think its something that simply EATS and eats and death and destruction feed it, so it has a bit of a habit of influencing the world(s) around it to create death and destruction again for no big reason outside of this is its nature and its simply hungry but part of its feeding leads to 'renewal' because technically it is reality itself.

Which is also Henry/Vecna comes into it for me. Because as the human intermedium he's given this a human element. He brings the "human" side in. We cant fully comprehend why and how the mindflayer does what it does, but Vecna's different. He was human once, he still has somewhat human goals. In my HC, Vecna's aware of what the mindflayer is and he's heavily on the side of "renewal". Which is another human aspect of him; he's seen the good and the use in this unfathomable omnipotent thing that just rots and eats everything it touches. Ultimately, Vecna understands what the Mindflayer is, and he serves it, however, he's also using his link to it for what he thinks is good. He wants to change and "renew" the world and the Mindflayer is the key to that. Its a tool, but so is he. They're tools for each other.

The Mindflayer brings about judgement and destruction onto mankind and the corruption of human civilization, allowing Vecna to "reset" it, in his hopes into something better, meanwhile the Mindflayer uses Vecna to open the gates, to free it and thus supply it with a massive supply of "food" during all this that continues the unending cycle of life and death across all the universe.

But I haven't completely decided how much of Vecna's goals are influenced by the Mindflayer's "corruption" or direction because I also think that's an element as well. Cos for example, I think while Henry always wanted to use his powers to make a change in the world I don't think he ever wanted to destroy everything to rebuild it.

Another thing I personally take reference from and will be VERY shocked if the ST writers aren't as well, is Silent Hill, which I've mentioned a lot of times specifically surrounding the link between Henry and Will and Alessa and Cheryl and the similairties I think there could be there, but another element here for me is the fact Alessa and what was done to her is considered the catalyst for much of the terrifying shit going on in Silent Hill and its link to its "dark mirror", the other world, which looks near identical to Silent Hill except dark and twisted and full of monsters, and the lapse in dimensional barriers.

( Also as a fun note the "otherworld" of Silent hill is also depicted as the place "god" lives, so yeah ).

And this does in fact mirror Henry in a way given we can definitely say Eleven pushing Henry through to the Upside Down really "sealed the fate" of Hawkins and brings me to the fact that yeah, I headcanon Henry is the reason the Upside Down was reskinned to look like the Dark Mirror of Hawkins.

Why ? Because he wanted to build his own world, his idea of a better, safer one. This just becomes a little more literal, supernatural and psychological with Vecna and the Upside Down. There is a heavy "foreshadowing" to this in the scene with Eleven and Henry where Henry says "We could reshape the world. Remake it in anyway we see fit."

Henry reshaped the Upside Down to look as if it was Hawkins. And I wonder if a part of him did this to find his way home, since he returned to the Creel house and seemingly stayed there. We also know Vecna's version of the Creel house and the actual Creel house are not just direct copies of each other but they're also apparently in the exact same place as each other, and a lot of the Upside Down could be seen as a life sized "map" of Hawkins in a way.

But I also have the headcanon that after Vecna reshaped the UD for whatever reason or REASONS he did, that was it for him. He exhausted the power he had and went into hibernation mode. This feels like it could also be very true because there is no sign of Vecna anywhere until the back end of season 3.

And I feel like canon could have explained this with when they had Will mention the Mindflayer doesn't "activate" its minions, so to speak, until it needs them. It wouldn't have necessarily needed Vecna during season 1, because Eleven had accidentally opened the gate. The gate was "closed" in season 2 but a small fragment of the Mindflayer that had been expelled from Will had already escaped and went on to wreak havoc in season 3.

Season 3 apparently follows the Mindflayer’s attempts to kill everyone of a threat to it ( Specifically Eleven ) and reopen the gate , which fails, and then suddenly Vecna comes into it full force and opens the gates for it, and given the way the D*ffers and the writing crew have worked to tie S4 and the previous seasons together. I don't think Vecna's absence and appearance is coincidental or that Vecna was always just sitting around twiddling his thumbs waiting.

So what I’m saying for now is basically that Vecna/Henry made the Upside Down look like Hawkins. I’m not giving specifics for why, outside of the fact he had a longing for his own “ safe world“ but Hawkins was the only place he "knew" to based it off, and that Vecna also wasn’t an “active” presence in the UD or the initial invasion of Hawkins during season 1-2.

During season 1-2 Vecna didn’t have the power to actively participate in this. He was drained from using his powers to reskin the Upside Down and was in a semi comatose state. ( Although he is still present within the hivemind and thus had some understanding of what was going on through the mindflayer's interactions with Hawkins, the party and the demogorgons. )

The mindflayer officially “reawakened him” due to needing him to “reopen” the gates and he could do this after the Mindflayer absorbed Eleven's powers and transfered them to him to give him a jump start. The initial opening of the gate in S1 was an “accident” that occurred because of Brenner’s meddling with Eleven’s powers and, to put it in a very oversimplified and condensed way, once the mindflayer got “a taste” of the real Hawkins, it. wanted more and started upping the ante when it came to trying to “break out” or rather “merge” Hawkins with itself/the UD and perhaps this was always where it was leading to, given if Henry continued to use his powers the way he was he would also break the barrier of the UD and Hawkins.

So I also wanna say Vecna’s actions of reskinning the Upside Down may have ALWAYS been intended to to be part of a merger between Hawkins and the Upside Down but he ran out of juice before he could finish the job and it just so happened that Eleven’s contact with the Demogorgon finally popped a big enough hole in the barrier between the UD and Hawkins to really get the ball rolling on things again.

Anyways, like I said I do have OTHER theories and tbh I constantly think about the way the Demogorgans behave in the VR game and it just throws me out on a lot of stuff because you don't know how disappointed I'm going to be if the writers do some generic shit like the Upside Down was just an alien world that was conquered bc teh evils. Like that would feel very lame to me and hopefully I'm just reading too far into the few seconds we got from the VR game and NONE THE LESS my own personal headcanons seek to generally disregard whatever canon might be doing with any of this anyway.

#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 🥀 ━◞ Out Of Character ⊱#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 🥀 ━◞ 𝓗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘 ↝ Henry Creel ⊱#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 🥀 ━◞ 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕸𝖆𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖉 𝕲𝖔𝖉 ↝ Vecna ⊱#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* ⚘ 🥀 ━◞ 𝕱𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔𝖒 ↝ Stranger Things ⊱#Henry headcanons #Daily affirmations psychically transmitted to the d*ffer bros:#We are not gonna reduce vecna/the ud/the mf down to randomly evil guy enslaves alien planet #because you got one of the stupidest fandoms ever and they all hate the horror genre #and will not/cannot understand anything beyond that #no we're gonna stay real and true to the horror OGs and go insane #repeat!!

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firstcurse · 5 months

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Inspirations / blog canon recap.

But none the less I'm excited by the little "updates" and the "clues" they're giving and I wanted to talk about a few of my insane weirdo takes as well involving Vecna and the UD specifically.

I've surely mentioned some of these things before, some in great detail, but others less so, so we're gonna run over some stuff again.

( Also as a fun note the "otherworld" of Silent hill is also depicted as the place "god" lives, so yeah ).

#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* 𝐈 🕷️ ━◞ From The Mun ⊱#⊰ ° ‧: ｡* 𝐈 🕷️ ━◞ Headcanons ⊱#Headcanons

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pennyl4n3 · 3 years

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The Pool

*Taking a deep breath*

Well well well, this is my first fanfic (or should I say second or third? Btw, this one came to a conclusion) and I've never been much into writing, but Duskwood and all of you fantastic people in the fandom here brought me to this. I hope you like it, and of course I look forward to your comments and feedback.

Pairing: Jake x MC

Contents: Angst, Sadness, Fluff, Romance

It had been three months since his last contact with her. He'd had to disappear from the radar, the government breathing down his neck. Every day he fought the urge to write to her; he couldn't risk putting her in danger. He couldn't even risk reading her conversations at the moment, so he was as blind as she was.

He didn't know where she was, if she was okay, if she was mad at him, though after all this time he imagined she was. The last time they had written to each other she was in Duskwood and he had every intention of finally catching up with her. Things hadn't gone as planned unfortunately, and the deal he was trying to make with the government had fallen through, forcing him to become a fugitive again.

He was exhausted, he was free and yet he felt imprisoned in an endless loop. Ever since he had met her he had realized how heavy his condition was to bear, how much he missed talking to someone in person, how much he longed to get out without having to disguise himself. He wanted to move, to run, to be outside, and above all else he wanted to run to her, and hold her, look into her eyes, tell her in his voice how much he missed her.

While he was lost in these thoughts he scrolled through their last conversations, rereading every word and every comma. At one point he found the conversation in which they had talked about one of MC's great passions, swimming. He barely knew how to float, he had never had a chance to learn it as a child, and on that occasion he had promised himself he would try it someday. MC had told him about a public pool in her hometown that was easy to get into at night through a gate with a broken lock. She had gone there many times, when she needed to relieve her nerves and to be alone. Suddenly Jake felt the urge to see that pool, and set about finding it. Amazingly it was a couple of blocks from where he was hiding, the next step was to check the security cams near the building and along the way. He could do it without too much difficulty, and he really needed to get some air and some purpose, so he slipped on his sweatshirt, pulled on his hood and mask, and set off.

He arrived within minutes, constantly looking around. The streets were practically empty, but caution was never too much. The pool was a low building, all on one level. Mentally following MC's directions he managed to find the little gate, behind some bushes. It was still broken, unbelievable. Curiosity was stronger than him and he continued towards the entrance. His footsteps echoed in the hall, as he went down the few steps that led directly to the pool floor, the smell of chlorine filled his nostrils. Even though it was night he could see almost all of the interior well, thanks to the huge windows that almost reached the ceiling and let in the illumination of the street lamps, just as MC had told him.

He sat on the steps and stayed there for a while, lost in his imagination, even though he had never seen MC, enjoying that moment of peace, and trying to imagine her doing something that made her feel good...

A noise outside startled him, he ran off the steps and flattened himself against the wall. He waited in silence, his nerves on edge, his heart in his throat, his eye searching for possible alternatives escape routes. another metallic noise, and the angry meows of two cats fighting each other. Jake breathed a sigh of relief but waited vigilantly for a while longer before heading for the exit with shaking legs. When he returned to his shelter, he promised himself he would never try it again, but that was not to be. He returned there two more nights, until he decided to get a swimsuit and try swimming.

And so Jake found himself inside the pool, scared and unsure at first, but after a few minutes he began to feel the benefit of being in the water, the lightness provided by its support. He knew it wouldn't last long, but he continued to go there as many nights as he could. He would return to his hut tired but satisfied, and he could even get a decent night's sleep.

One evening he was trying to swim as usual when he heard a female voice saying jokingly, "well, I thought I was the only one who knew this place, but apparently not." Jake froze, almost having a heart attack. He was in the water, there was no way to escape. He drew a deep breath, thinking that it was anyway dark enough, and that his features weren't clearly visible, and decided to try not to look too suspicious. "Yeah, apparently not" he replied, trying to keep his voice from shaking. The girl smiled, or so it seemed to him, and continued, "I guess you like to be here alone, just like I usually do, but I could really use a swim tonight. I'll go in the back lane, I swear I won't bother you. Is that okay?" "O-oh yeah, yeah, go ahead," Jake mumbled, trying to hide his face as much as possible, and stood watching her as she made her way to the other side of the pool, still shocked that there was another human being in the same room as him. He realized that he was staring in her direction, and decided to start swimming again. After a while he stopped, out of breath and with tired arms, and saw that the girl instead was still swimming, at a brisk pace, and giving no sign of wanting to stop. He got out of the water and sat on the steps, wrapped in his towel, trying to catch his breath. Watching her was hypnotic, she moved with fluid movements, slow and steady. He wondered if MC swam like that too. How he wished he could have written to her to tell her he was swimming, or at least trying to, and to thank her for letting him discover this wonderful new experience as well. Since he had met her, his life had taken on a new light, where before only greyness and despair reigned.

His phone made a sound, bringing him back to reality. It was time to go home. He dressed quickly and headed for the exit, he didn't want to interrupt the girl's concentration, and he didn't intend to introduce himself, so better that way. Once back at the shelter he went back to work on his laptop, while eating a sandwich. Concentration continued to leave him that night, however, as the encounter with the stranger had brought him back to MC in a big way.

He returned to the pool the next evening, yearning to tire himself out and find some peace of mind. Once he got to the door he heard the sound of water coming from inside, he carefully pushed his way across the threshold, trying to figure out who was there and was relieved to see that it was again the girl he met the night before. He walked over to his side of the pool and removed his clothes as he cast furtive glances at her. He dove into the water and began to swim, trying to focus on his breathing, which was the part he struggled with the most. When he emerged with bated breath, he saw the girl standing at the edge of the pool and winced. "Hi, I didn't mean to scare you. I've been watching you swim and I thought I could give you a few tips, if you don't mind" Jake was so amazed and scared that for a few seconds he could only stare at her with his mouth open. "I-I...I don't.... " she giggled softly and shrugged her shoulders "Ok, look, I didn't mean to embarrass you...I'm going back to my lane. If you want it you know you can ask it okay?" And she turned to go back to her lane. "Wait. Yes, please I will gladly accept your help." Jake said. She retraced her steps and squatted down beside the edge of the pool with a smile on her face. "So, first let's start with your upper body, I've noticed that you move it a lot between strokes and that wastes your energy and breath. Try to stand up straighter, your arms and legs do most of the work. Then, every time you pull your arm forward, you can inhale if you feel the need to, and slowly you'll find yourself pulling two strokes, then three, and so on, but don't be in a hurry. If you take care of your technique well, managing your breath will already be easier." Jake was focused on her words and nodded, before turning around and trying again. Following her advice actually felt like he was already doing better. A wave of satisfaction ran through him when he managed to do his usual laps without getting breathless. He emerged smiling and sat on the edge of the pool. She was still there and looked at him approvingly, then asked "Better now, isn't it? "Yes, thank you very much." He answered. "Thanks to you, I'm just back in town but I'm not having much contact with the rest of the world, helping you was a pleasure" "I... I understand, I didn't have much contact lately either". A slightly embarrassed silence fell between them. It was Jake's phone that broke it, by emitting an alarm tone. Jake got up quickly and headed for his bagpack. "I, uh, have to go now, thanks again for your help." She looked at him briefly, nodded, and stepped back. "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. Well, good night then" and walked back to the pool. "Good night" he replied, and as soon as she turned around, he changed his wet swimsuit with dry clothes and headed quickly to the exit.

As he walked down the street, he wondered if he wasn't risking too much by going to the pool regularly, and by confiding in that unknown girl. He then decided that it would be better to avoid it for a while, even if it was with great regret.

Jake avoided the pool for a few days, but eventually decided to go back. He couldn't wait to get there. As he walked the short distance between his hiding place and the pool, he mentally savored the feel of the water, the smell of the chlorine, the relaxation it gave him to swim until his muscles ached. As always, he sneaked up on the hidden entrance, his senses all out to catch any suspicious movements or noises. That evening, however, he heard no suspicious noises as he entered the large room with the tanks, but a soft sobbing. He listened for a while, trying to distinguish where the crying was coming from. When he spotted the silhouette of the mysterious girl on the steps he felt a tug at his heart, and could not help but go near her.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he said softly.

She looked up with a jolt, and when she recognized him she answered a little annoyed: "What do you think? No, everything is not okay." She immediately realized she had been abrupt, and added in a tone of apology, clutching her knees to her chest: "Sorry, I didn't think you would come, I haven't seen you here in a while and you caught me off guard..." "It's okay, no need to apologize. I guess I interrupted an intimate moment of yours. It's just that hearing you cry made me worried somehow." He replied to her as he blushed, realizing what he had just said. "I-I meant...well I mean, sorry if I m-maybe I embarrassed you, I should probably go and..." hinting back. "No, wait. Please stay. If it's not a problem for you of course. I don't really feel like being alone anymore." she said as she reached out a hand towards him and motioned for him to sit beside her. Jake was tense, the last thing he had expected that night was to find himself consoling the mysterious girl, but he certainly couldn't leave her there alone, she had always been very kind to him and he was sincerely sorry to see her sad. He exhaled a deep breath and went to sit next to her as he pulled a handkerchief from a pocket of his backpack and handed it to her. "Thank you," she said with a smile, "I really appreciate it." For a while an awkward silence descended, during which they both stared at their hands. Suddenly she blurted out "You know, I'm worried about someone, that's why I was crying. I haven't heard from him in a while and I don't know what to think. I'm trying to move on, I promised him, and really, I'm trying so hard, but some days the weight of his absence is so hard to bear that I can barely get out of bed. Whatever I do the thought of him is with me. This is the only place I can find some peace, because swimming empties my mind b-but t-tonight..." her eyes glazed over again as she swallowed, trying to push back the tears. He had listened to her in silence until that moment, respecting her moment of venting, but when he realized she was about to cry again he felt he had to do something, so he passed his left arm behind her back and pulled her to him, gently holding her in an embrace. "I-I can understand it, you know? I promised one person I would move on too. But it's so hard. I want to call her, I want to write her, I want to know how she is doing, where she is...but every day I forbid myself to do that. And I know I owe it to her, because she doesn't deserve to keep feeling bad because of me and my mistakes and..." his voice faded away, as he realized that he was risking to say things he shouldn't have said, he recovered quickly trying to cut it short and not to let the tremor in his voice be heard "...and I understand you, that's it. I miss her so much too."

As they stood in silence, his heart running fast in his chest and he desperately looking for something else to say, he felt her draw back into his embrace and sigh. It felt good to have her in his arms, and feeling her calming down warmed his heart. It had been so long since Jake had touched anyone, not really talked to anyone, hardly remembered what it was like. A little later she said softly, "Thank you. For sharing a little piece of you with me. You don't need to talk about it if you don't feel like it, I understand. It's... " she stopped thoughtfully, "Complicated" finished Jake. "Yes, yes exactly! It's damn complicated. But knowing that someone can understand me makes me feel better." then she turned to him and drew a deep breath, then added, "Well, how about a swim? After all, this is what we both came for." Jake nodded and removed his arm from her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He got up from the steps and walked over to the usual little corner where he used to change his clothes, while she headed to her pool lane and dove in. Once he slipped into his swimsuit, Jake entered cautiously, still pensive from that brief but intense exchange of confessions.

He slowly dived down to the bottom and stayed there for a while, still immersed in his thoughts. He had to stop those nightly outings. They were already dangerous in themselves, and now this unknown girl had been added, making him talk too freely. All of his inner alarms were telling him it was time to stop, and it was also time to change hiding places again, even though being so close to a place in MC's heart made him feel closer to her.

A movement to the side of his field of vision brought him out of his thoughts, and out of the pool as well. When he got to his feet he ran a hand over his eyes and pulled his hair back so he could see better, turning to face the source of the movement. He saw her in the aisle next to where he stood, staring at him. "A-are you ok?" said him in an uncertain voice. She giggled and replied, "I was going to ask you the same thing, you weren't coming up out of the water anymore." "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I scared you, I was just... well, reflecting." he replied. She stared at him intently, looking at his black hair, stuck to the sides of his face, and said tilting her head "It's weird you know? You remind me so much of him, the way you behave somehow, I can't actually explain it". Jake blushed and swallowed hard. "I'll take it as a compliment" he replied, and stepped out of the water. "I have to get back. I hope you feel better now." continued, while heading to the bag of dry clothes. She stood staring at him, wondering if she had made him uncomfortable with that confession. When she realised he was about to undress she turned around, blushing. She waited for a while and then sat down on the edge of the bath and said with a smile, "Yes, I'm feeling better, thanks to you. Good night, stranger."

When he arrived to the hut, something alarmed him: some of the boards near the entrance were placed differently than he had left them. He quickly stepped into the shadows and took out his phone to check inside. Two men were sitting at his usual spot, peering at the screens. Jake was quick to slip back downstairs and to reach out his hiding place number two, three doors down. As soon as he was seated, he took his phone out of his jeans pocket and started the hidden cameras. The two men didn't seem to have any idea what they were looking at, and they didn't look like officers either, to be honest. Maybe two thieves? But what kind of thieves would break into an old warehouse with the windows covered by boards? What did they expect to find there? He carefully examined the video images from the cameras he had placed around the rest of the perimeter of the building and saw a couple of policemen in the back. "Fuck!" he whispered through his teeth. He prepared to format everything in the hiding place and stood vigilantly by, watching them alternately. The two intruders were probably hiding from the cops, and risked exposing him. He noticed that there was a car shop next door and decided to create a diversion. He quickly managed to hack into the shop's security system and set it to go off, so that the cops could be sent away. He then logged on to his workstation and simply brought up Nymos, some glitches and the words "intruders detected, defensive protocol activated" on the screens. It was more than enough to send the two of them running for the hills.

He sighed with relief, letting himself down on the makeshift mattress behind him. He stayed like that for a while as he listened to his heartbeat return to a normal rhythm, his adrenaline slowly subsiding, his breathing becoming regular. His stomach rumbled, so he reached into his bag and pulled out an energy bar. After an hour or so, he locked the entrance to the main hideout and went back the way he'd come: better stay there for the night. As he settled in for the night, streams of thoughts came over him. He realised that the idea of leaving MC hometown made him feel lost, even though she wasn't there, and it wasn't even certain that she would return. Still, he knew he had to leave, that evening's mishap was another proof of that. There wasn't much to think about really, he had to move again, maybe he'd come back later. He thought of the girl at the pool, of her pain, so familiar. How was it possible that love could always bring so much suffering? He drifted off to sleep with those thoughts in his head, and woke up restless.

The next morning Jake was almost done packing up all of his belongings and ready to go. He wondered if once he was settled into his new hiding place, he would find another pool where he could train undisturbed, so he set about identifying all the potential candidates. How he wished he could have told MC about this! As he scanned the pools and studied their surroundings it occurred to him that he could write her using a disposable phone before leaving. His hands began to shake at the mere thought of being able to write her again. Would she be happy to read it? Maybe she was angry with him. In their last conversation she had told him to at least let her know if he was alive as soon as he could. Before he could think about it too much longer, he stormed out of the room and headed for the first open store. Once he retrieved the disposable phone he went back to the spare hut and slipped into it with all his things. He turned on the phone and prepared it for use.

*??? is online*

Jake:Hello, MC.

Shortly after came the reply

*** MC is online ***

MC:Jake! Are you okay?

Jake:Yes MC, I'm fine. I apologize for not letting you hear from me again, it was too dangerous.

MC:That's okay, I'm so glad to read you now, I kept telling myself that you were definitely fine and that I shouldn't have written you, as promised

Jake felt his palms sweat.

Jake:You know, I've been going swimming lately. At night, on the sly. Your enthusiasm about it convinced me. You were so right MC, it can empty your mind. I wanted so hard to thank you for that.

MC:I went swimming recently too, at night, it kept me from going crazy. Maybe we swam at the same time

Jake: :)

Jake:And do you know where I was? The place you told me about. It was like I felt closer to you

MC squinted her eyes

MC:Jake... you don't mean that place with big windows almost to the ceiling,do you?

Jake:Yes, exactly that.

MC bursted in laugh and shaked her head in disbelief.

MC:And you didn't happen to meet someone? Like a really nice, kind girl who gave you lessons?

Jake felt his knees buckle and had to lean against the wall to keep from falling.

Jake:You...

Jake:Was that you?

Butterflies were spreading through his stomach.

MC:So you hugged me the other night! I was crying just for you, and you were there, this is crazy!

MC:Where are you now?

His eyes widened.

Jake:MC me, I was going to leave the town, last night I found intruders in my shelter, it's not safe for me to be here anymore.

For a time that seemed eternal to him there was no sign of life on the other end of the phone.

Jake:MC...

MC:Don't you dare

MC:Don't you dare leaving again. You've been staying here for days, and even allowed yourself to go out almost every night, and you never wrote me anything. Now that we might meet you're starting this again.

MC:We met by accident Jake! Does that seem normal to you???

MC:I'll be waiting there tonight, you better come

***MC is offline***

Jake stared at the phone bewildered. He was terrified. He couldn't believe he had hugged MC the night before. And she was crying, because of him. She was right, he couldn't leave again.

That night he went to the pool, almost running. He sneaked up on the hidden entrance, holding his breath, and went to sit on the steps where he usually rested his backpack. A short time later he saw her walk in and head towards him. It seemed to him that his heart was about to explode. He stood up and walked over to her. They both found themselves running to cover the final distance that separated them. They hugged each other tightly, and stayed that way, without speaking for who knows how long. Neither of them wanted to untie the embrace, as if to do so meant to lose themselves again.

At the end MC pulled back a little to look him in the eyes, and said, "I was beginning to think this moment would never come" "And instead we found each other without even knowing it" he replied chuckling. She blushed and rose on tiptoe to give him a light kiss on the lips.

"Shall we go for a swim?" she told him with a mischievous grin. "Sure. I've been taking lessons" he replied as he began to undress.

#everbyte studios #duskwood game #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood music #duskwood everbyte #duskwood #duskwood jake x player #duskwood fanfic

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youwontlikethisblog · 3 years

Text

I Understand You Part 1

Phew! It has been a while!

How is everyone?

I've had to go back and read a few of my own post as a sort of recap. Family left, which is a bummer, but now I can watch YSBLF lol.

Anyway that's not why you're here so lets get into it :)

I've been thinking a lot on the last few post that I've made. There's overall a huge understanding of where Armando is coming from and what motivates him and pushes him. In these next couple of scenes we really get a feel and understanding, finally a clear portrayal of Armando's journey to figuring out his feelings towards Betty. the absolute mastery in the writing, the directing, and the acting is..a loss of words.

Now while Betty's past relationship is something I bring up a lot to clarify where she's coming from, this night that doesn't really hold much significance, in terms of behavior.

This night in some way was a teaser to the possibilities of their future. It's a night that is suspended in the air, not going north or south but in the middle with no real direction. Betty was finally being an active member of the relationship, Armando is finally learning to accept and encourage his feelings for Betty and especially what she means to him.

You're probably thinking "yes we know this, get on with it already!" I need you to exercise more patience with me :)

Maybe I want to torture you all because I am putting off writing this post for two very specific reasons: One It is a post that will be loooong. Two: it is a post that requires so much detail and so much back forth that I've had to go and read my posts and notes to really show the evidence of this theory of mine so it requires so much time for me to write it but as promised, I said it would be a good post and worth the wait and it has been.

I hope y'all enjoy this post :)

While I haven't been an active member of this fandom that interacts with many people, even off of tumblr, I do follow a few accounts on IG related to YSBLF content. One account I follow shared on their IG stories another account that brought to my attention a theory of Armando and his glasses/vision problems and it got me thinking a lot.

It does play a role in these scenes, which is why I bring it up. Armando in the future tells Betty that in the darkness he feels her better and I never quite understood this. I understood it as a "I don't think about how ugly you are but I can feel how much I love you without prejudice" and I always found it so insulting. Like saying "Hey you're not fat, you're beautiful. Some men like meat." it's really a backhanded compliment, like what?

There's a lot of...small details now that are vital! Just like in the past.

Alright now we'll really jump into it!

We last left off on Armando and Betty finally making up and they both leaned in for a kiss. This kiss was different, unlike before, where their kisses were heavy and intense(and tender), this time this kiss is slow and tender HOWEVER Armando's behavior is different. While before(After they slept together) these kisses left him content and even wanting more, this night, this man plans to get more. He pulls away from her and suggest they go some place else even though their kissing wasn't really all that heavy.

Betty suggest a bar or a restaurant but Armando declines and tells her that they can't go anywhere public because of Marcela. After Betty asks where then Armando turns and looks away from her and suggest in a very comedic tone "Mario's apartment."

Betty reacts as expected: How could he suggest that and that he had promised her that Mario would never find out?

In the past I've pointed out how Armando can't really lie to Betty, whenever he does he can't really hold eye contact with her because of the guilt he feels. Armando seems panicked. While Betty is going off, panicked herself, Armando is trying to find a way to calm her down.

What is his end goal here? His end goal is to hook up with Betty before he leaves to Miami. That's it. His end goal is to spend this night with Betty and he wants to get laid. He knows that he'll have both his emotional and physical needs met and he's eager for it. Again in past posts I've mentioned that while Armando at first only felt an emotional attraction to Betty, at least it was a lot more powerful than his physical attraction to her, after they did fornicate together the night of her Birthday, he's learned that he also has a physical attraction and that he is okay with that attraction now. While before he was in denial of it now he accepts it and encourages himself with it so he tells Betty that Mario doesn't know and that he will never know.

Again, his body language is telling here. He makes eye contact with her as he tells her this, his voice is rushed, which means that he blurted it as it came to his head but he maintains eye contact and quickly tries to explain things.

I know I'm reading too much into this but it's fun and we all enjoy it so lets go! Is Armando lying to Betty here?

Not entirely and you could ask yourself "how is that possible? Mario does know, that's like the whole point!" and you're right but really how much does Mario know?

Lets take a break from this particular scene and talk about Armando and Mario.

Both Mario and Armando are manipulators. They are both womanizers, whore bags, and morally questionable beings. However they both use their abilities differently. While Mario uses his manipulation in extremely subtle ways and for all aspects of his life, Armando is very bold and theatrical with his manipulation. Unlike Mario who gets a rush out of screwing up peoples lives and exercising control over them Armando uses manipulation for two reasons: self preservation and because he enjoys the theatrics of it(ego), not the effects(unless it's for self preservation). He feels an immense guilt for manipulating people but when he screws up it's what works for him. So while one uses it as a coping mechanism and an ego boost, the other uses it just out of cruelty. Both are wrong in this but Armando is the lesser of both evils.

So you have two manipulative people. Two individuals who don't show emotions and who are extremely controlled with their emotions to achieve manipulation. Cool, cold, and composed best friends sitting in a tree, staring at each other, trying to manipulate each other.

It's very obvious that Mario has been manipulating Armando from the get go and why he does it. We see his true feelings when Armando is finally being open about his feelings regarding the plan and what he's doing to Betty and when he talks about Betty showing him with actions her love for him, his reactions allows Mario and us to know how he truly feels about Betty and this intel is what Mario uses to manipulate Armando, however Armando too has manipulated Mario.

I know! We all expect him to always be a poor idiot! But surprisingly he's not always an idiot(emotionally yeah).

Let's consider this: When Mario asked Armando about the list of qualities he named so Betty could believe that he was crazy about her, Armando acted like an emotional idiot and mumbled, without saying a word and Mario bought it. Mario interrupted him and congratulated him and asked him for Betty's reaction. When Mario "joked" that Armando was starting to like the kisses Armando compared it to boxing and said he was numbed to it. When they talked about the first kiss they shared and Mario started to make jokes Armando was visibly furious and worried but he acted very composed and mechanical towards Mario. When Mario said "that kiss affected you more than it affected her." Armando quickly said that it did but because Betty didn't deserve to be used that way because he felt like he was betraying an angel, someone who had always helped him and he felt guilty for it.

I point this out in mostly every post I make: Armando never really goes into detail or is specific of what goes on with Betty and him when they go out on dates. He always holds off on giving too much information unless it's to get Mario off his back and even then he's very controlled with what he does say. He never talks about the emotions, how he feels about what Betty shares with him. He doesn't talk about how he really feels about the kisses(when Mario jokes about her braces, mustache etc... and other instances, he complains that he doesn't like the kisses but the reason being is his own guilt and what those kisses mean to him. (If you haven't yet I suggest you go to the very first post I wrote: Yo Soy Betty, La Fea and go on from there because I have broken down certain sides of Armando's character that I won't talk about here anymore so it will help you understand better as well as writing, the way scenes are presented, certain details and patterns que en fin, bring us to this post, so if you haven't yet, please read those so you can get caught up:)) or anything in regards of that. While yes he does complain about having to kiss her(His obsession with perfection, his guilt, and the fact that they affect him) he doesn't make fun of Betty or insult her like Mario does, which gets him half a point.

And I realize this doesn't quite add up with what I've said about Armando being in denial of his feelings because in order to manipulate Mario, he'd have to be aware of his feelings, right? I'll talk more about it in a bit.

What does this all mean?

Armando uses his manipulation to throw Mario off his scent and keep him confused and on the edge regarding his feelings for Betty so here it is.

Here is the truth: While Armando has lived in denial and confusion regarding his true feelings for Betty, he knows what he feels for her is unlike anything he's felt for somebody else and it becomes a lot more apparent the night of Betty's Birthday. So while on the stages of his denial he threw Mario off his scent because he too wasn't even sure of what he felt, Mario as well lived in speculation. He[Mario] could never truly manipulate Armando regarding this part of him because he never shared that part of himself and because of this, Armando too manipulated Mario. This gives him the space for him to give him the benefit of the doubt meaning that while Mario understands that Armando is emotionally affected by what they're doing to Betty, he trust Armando's words more than he does his actions, even if his actions when narrating the dates with Betty indicate that he cares for her, he chucks it out as guilt. Armando tells him this himself and whenever Mario is doubtful of this he then uses Armando's words against him for manipulation. He doesn't use his actions but his words.

The problem about knowing somebody in and out is that our own perception of that person blinds us when it comes to the true nature of the person, that's why many people end up feeling betrayed. It's what keeps Mario and Armando as friends because though they know the nature of each other, their own understanding and perception of the other blinds them to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Often times this is what Mario uses as an advantage to manipulate Armando. He knows that Armando has an easily bruised ego, that he feels like he has no real control over his life, that he wants to be a good person, somebody that is worthy of good things, that above all he wants to make his parents proud, that he has a strict taste for women, and that Armando is emotionally stunted but he also knows that Armando's true weakness is his ego and before he admits to do wrong or commit a mistake Armando will find a way to "Fix" said problem even if it means he has to manipulate those he cares about, even if the burden is an immense guilt for it. However up that point their theatrics and plans had never really held much importance or significance. Basically it was all child's play.

However now the plan has too many risks and too many consequences.

Armando also knows that Mario is detail oriented, that he is smart in what he does, that he has no moral compass, that his ego is big but not as easily hurt and when it is, he's like Teflon, it won't stick for long. He is very aware of Mario's tactics of seduction with women(it's why he often asks Mario for advice on his affairs and enlist him to have an affair with Patsy Pats.) and that most importantly Mario is really good at lurking in the corners of rooms to read a situation well(an example of this would be the night that Mario pushes Armando to interrogate Betty regarding Nicola's role in Terra Moda, once the interrogation is over and Betty leaves Armando drops the act of mistrusting Betty and quickly asks for Mario's feedback regarding what Betty said.). Therefore Armando begins to have a very mechanical and controlled behavior around Mario regarding the affair with Betty.

Mario's knowledge of Armando blinds him to give him the benefit of the doubt so while he speculates that maybe Armando could care for Betty he takes Armando up for his word that it's only guilt he feels for her, that his ego is bruised because some loser has more control over a woman as "ugly" as Betty, that he won't ever admit Daniel was right about him, he won't risk disappointing his parents at this scale, and that Armando, through guilt could want to treat Betty better but even if he did feel something outside of guilt that Armando is too much of a coward to ever fully admit what he feels and be public about it so he ridicules him, insults Betty, uses his ego against Armando, his fears, and vendetta with Daniel to push him to continue with the plan because at the end of the day if the plan does work Mario loses nothing and he does not end up having to deal with the consequences of destroying a person like Armando would.

This is something that becomes evident to Armando the longer the affair goes on. While before he manipulated Mario so that he wouldn't suffer through the ridicule that Mario would surely put him through the more he felt like he needed to protect himself, his feelings, and what he had with Betty from Mario's preying hands.

The quick eye glances, the controlled composure and masking of his emotions in front of Mario is Armando self-preserving and knowing that if he doesn't [do that]that Mario will use what he feels to fully manipulate him and he knows that Mario will succeed because Mario knows that he will always, above all, feel the need to people please and the guilt he feels when he lets those he cares about down. Armando is fully aware of this and he has for so long allowed people to manipulate him(I've talked about this in previous posts regarding this aspect of his personality).

For the first time ever in his life, Armando does not want Mario to have the full control to manipulate him which lets us know that he has been aware of this behavior of Mario towards him for a long time. It isn't only the ridicule that he'd face from Mario if he ever found out how true his feelings are for Betty and it isn't only because he's afraid of the public humiliation he'd face either(it does mean a lot to him, I'll get to that I promise!) but because he knows just how much control Mario would have over him with this information and because in the past he wasn't able to even accept or want to begin to understand his feelings for Betty, he self-preserved by manipulating Mario.

I hope this is all making sense. I know it's a bit confusing.

Basically it's this: Armando actively withheld a lot of information regarding his dates with Betty so that Mario wouldn't use this to manipulate him and whenever he'd let his guard down and give Mario the benefit of the doubt and try to explain how he felt, Mario always used his words against him later on and though Armando always responded and followed through, it wasn't solely based on what Mario was telling him but that Armando already feared those things.

For example this night when Mario is telling him to go looking for Betty, we know that Armando did want to fix things with her. We know he was worried about it. However towards Mario he pretends that it's no big deal. He says he'll fix it the next day but you can tell he is nervous. His body language is him holding his fingers to his mouth, him walking around behind his desk, not being able to stand still and when the emotion of how hurt Betty felt for what he did with AA that day finally translate to him and he understands it he says that he is now really afraid because of what Mario is telling him.

Mario didn't do jack squat in manipulation this night, except he thinks he did. This night Armando is free of his manipulation. This night Armando is only motivated to go searching for Betty but everything else comes from his own desire to be with Betty.

You're probably wondering: Okay, well what does this have to do with the scene?

When Armando tells Betty that Mario doesn't know and he will never know he makes eye contact and holds said eye contact with her, translating that he isn't lying to her. Mario only knows what Armando wants him to know. Truthfully when it comes to the matters of the heart: Mario doesn't know anything. Had he known he would have used Armando's true feelings against him and Armando knows this and because of that he withholds truths and allows Mario to think he has the upper hand in the situation. Mario though aware of the mechanics and even his confused ego, isn't aware of Armando's true feelings and his true dilemas and fears, giving Armando the upper hand, for once, when it comes to mind games, on Mario.

Finally Armando can claim victory here and ironically Mario becomes aware of this.

Now how would it be possible for Armando to manipulate Mario regarding his true feelings for Betty and just feed him the right amount of information? When he himself has lived in denial of said feelings?

Easy peasy; he self-manipulates.

In the past I've talked about Armando's denial and how he emotionally stunted he is therefore he runs away from any emotion and because of this he doesn't understand his own emotions or other people's emotions which is why when he has some sort of clue to what he could possibly be feeling for Betty he runs away from it because he doesn't understand it, prejudice, and so on. So if Armando is telling himself that what he feels for Betty is only based on guilt and if he has a doubt that it isn't only guilt: he tells Mario all he feels is guilt, therefore he affirms aloud this emotion both to Mario and himself but because of this clue he has, the knowledge of Mario's character, he withholds enough information from Mario to affirm guilt out loud and deny any other feeling to himself.

Let's take a look at what Manipulation is.

Mariam Dictionary: to treat or operate with the hands or by mechanical means especially in a skillful manner manipulate the fragments of a broken bone into correct position. 2a : to manage or utilize skillfully. b : to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage.

Wikipedia: Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the behavior or perception of others through indirect, deceptive, or underhanded tactics. By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at another's expense, such methods could be considered exploitative and devious.

WebMD: People who manipulate others attack their mental and emotional sides to get what they want. The person manipulating — called the manipulator — seeks to create an imbalance of power, and take advantage of a victim to get power, control, benefits, and/or privileges at the expense of the victim.

A manipulator will actively lie to you, make excuses, blame you, or strategically share facts about them and withhold other truths. In doing this, they feel they are gaining power over you and gaining intellectual superiority.

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-manipulation

We often rave about how good of a manipulator Mario is because he lurks in the corners of dark rooms to inspect situations, find weaknesses and how detail oriented he is but we don't talk about just how manipulative Armando is as well.

While yes, in his relationship with Marcela we see how he uses gaslighting to manipulate her and how he used Betty's idolization of him to gain control in the relationship(yes he did feel guilty for it) we don't talk about how manipulative he is of Mario after he starts the affair with Betty at the start of it and I didn't touch on it much in the past because it wasn't something that was required to breakdown to understand those episodes until this night.

Mario, hours into the future writes a letter in which he tells Armando that he doesn't tell him everything anymore, not like at the start.

When he'd talk about the mechanics of his dates with Betty to Mario he wasn't eager to share and only shared enough information to keep Mario off his back and for Mario to give advice on how to continue ,when Mario would insinuate that Armando cared he always denied it and said he just felt guilty for what he was doing to Betty and explained how special she had been with him and how she didn't deserve it, that of course that would make him feel guilty but specifically the day we see Armando clear as day manipulate Mario is the day after he first slept with Betty. I broke that down in the post The After Math Of Their First Time so I'll recap by saying that Armando actively tried his best to refrain and withhold information, even when he was desperate to understand why he felt the way he did and why he had enjoyed it so much. When Mario mentions that Armando had never said he cherished Betty, Armando retracts and "explains" that he only cherished her as his secretary, just like Mario cherished Sandra and Roberto cherished Susana.

Every time Mario tried to point out how different he seemed Armando always came back full force, excusing and justifying why he felt the way he felt, never truthfully venturing into the reality of his feelings that now he was desperately trying to understand, however, deep down he knew what he felt. In that scene you see just how freaked out Mario is because he doesn't have the upper hand and can't control or manipulate Armando anymore and we see him react out of frustration until he finally finds solid grounds and begins to once again manipulate Armando. However since then Armando hasn't been easily manipulated.

Now the question is: How does one behave when being manipulated?

We know what manipulation is and we know the tactics that are used by manipulators but how does one behave and feel from being manipulated?

I can say this by personal experience: You feel out of control. There's moments of lucidness where you look at yourself inwardly and the situation and you understand what the reality is but your emotions are at full speed that you cannot control the way you behave. It's almost like an outer body experience where you're begging yourself to be rational and to be objective and clear but all you're doing is watching yourself react out of this fear, anger, sadness, and rage that somebody else has sowed in you.

For example: When I was in middle school my toxic BFF would constantly gaslight me. I could have all the witnesses and evidence to prove their betrayal but it was never good enough to prove it. They warped my reality so much that I questioned all my friends and didn't trust anyone. When they'd show their true colors they'd use my feelings against me, they would guilt trip me, a campaign would be launched of all their close friends telling me I should forgive them, that I was harsh on them, that I was the one that made them cry(I called them out and they cried about it), that they were a good person and I was being... unfair so I'd forgive. I didn't have control over the situation. Not even a little bit. Every time I attempted to I was the bad person.

Armando has been the same in the past. Marcela emotionally manipulates him by guilt tripping him, threatening him, and he feels like he has no control over his life. Then professionally his best friend begins to manipulate him. Though in the past Mario always persuade him to go out with him and some models, Mario begins to manipulate him at work with the panama thing, and especially when Eco Moda falls into Betty's hand.

Mario in many ways is like the toxic ex best friend of mine. In good times they give you all the praise you want. They shower you with attention and compliments and when things are not playing to their advantage they guilt trip you. At the start of his affair with Betty Armando was very easily manipulated by Mario because of this. Mario knew that he could use Armando's ego, his vendetta with Daniel, his standing with his parents with the deep desire of his to make them proud, and lastly the huge responsibility Armando felt towards everyone at Eco Moda so he'd praise him when he did good, he was his guru and when Armando didn't want to do it he would guilt trip him heavily and when he saw that didn't work he'd use his ego against him.

Then all of a sudden neither the guilt tripping with his parents, him, the employees of Eco Moda, Marcela, or his ego are working on Armando and all Mario has left is to use Armando's relationship with Betty against him. Had Mario known all along, for a fact, how Armando truthfully felt, Armando knows that Mario would have made his life a living hell. Not only because Mario would make fun of him for liking Betty but because he'd use this relationship as a token to make Armando do whatever Mario wanted. Though Armando stopped caring about his ego in regards of seeing Betty as a human, a person he cared about, he still didn't want to deal with the public ridicule he'd face for caring about Betty and Mario would use that to his advantage had he known this from the get go and Mario does begin to pick up on this because though Armando has withheld a lot of truths and kept his composure with Mario the one thing he failed at was that he showed he no longer was allowing Mario to manipulate him.

This all plays into the letter and understanding what the hell went through Mario's head when he wrote it.

In conclusion to this first part: Mario knows nothing in regards to the validity and the truth behind Armando's motivation and feelings for Betty and their relationship so Armando did not lie to Betty when he told her that Mario knew nothing and up to that point, Armando planned on Mario never knowing.

Obviously things change later on that night.

Again this night, even in Betty's wardrobe and how she behaves in her relationship with Armando leave the doors and windows of their future fully open. This night is a night that is suspended in the air, no real rhyme or reason to where it could lead them in the future until the next day. It seemed like everything was written and destined to only go up and grow but these small details foretell a different future.

This is the first part of the breakdown of that scene and episode and I know it didn't really hold much in regards to the romance of Betty and Armando but it's importance to understand this part of Mario's and Armando's relationship and how much it's changed because that letter is such an important part of the downfall of Armando and his relationship with Betty.

Thank y'all for being patient and waiting! I hope y'all enjoy this and hopefully I haven't read too much into it lol.

'Til next time! :)

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