#i'm trans so he's trans it correlates
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don’t ask questions
#my art#this was a tiny doodle i did during a tiny breakdown i had#because shitty humour is my coping mechanism!! ay#dw i'm alright now i looked at this and started giggling#anyway yeah you cant tell me gus hasn't tried to eat something that wasn't edible at least once#toh#the owl house#the owl house fanart#gus porter#hunter toh#trans hunter#i'm trans so he's trans it correlates
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notifications disabled for this post. Send me any potential corrections through the asks or private messages.
I know i said I wouldn't do public angry rants anymore, but this is a nevessary rant. I ask you to read the entire text before interacting with the post (obviously)
stop misgendering gerard on purpose
you know very well what kind of person you sound like when you do that.
it's just lowkey comical (if not enraging) how some refer to them with the one pronoun they don't use, as far as I'm aware at least, but I've never seen anyone say they used all, only he/they, if I'm wrong you can tell me (but I'll need a RELIABLE source to what you say to make sure you're not just making shit up to have the right to disrespect someone without being rightfully scolded), so using "she" just makes you incredibly disrespectful. Like... you think a he/they can't wear a dress? you think a he/they can't show femininity? you think a he/they isn't allowed to not look like a straight cis guy all the time? You think just because someone doesn't use a male label then they automatically must be female and can't just be neither, or use no labels at all? You think a person can't be happy showing fenininity if they're not a woman? you think that's not possible? you think that's WRONG, perhaps? because THAT is what you sound like. Not only to me, but to many people that I've seen complaining inumerous times about this INSANE disrespect
following the same logic, do you think, for example, because I'm wearing makeup in most of my photos and don't fit in one particular binary gender, i don't have your permission to be a he/him and i have to be what YOU say i should be? because that's what you sound like when you do that
and i can already tell someone's gonna be butthurt and tell me I'm exaggerating so they don't have to feel shame for being a disrespectful little bitch. Gerard is a person, not a fucking character you can headcanon things about.
Not to mention that this kind of disrespect is one of the reasons why some masc or neutral trans people also feel extremely unsafe wanting to use or do things considered feminine, because look at how you're fucking treating a person that you don't even actually know. It's not 100% correlated (well... it is, a little bit) but don't even get me started on the shit my masc or neutral fellas have to go through because of people who very obviously also love to give them a hard time just because they don't fit in your "preferred gender label" and make them feel like shit for existing because you keep throwing them in the same pit as cishet men who fuck things up and say all of them are the same (newsflash, you're being just as oppressive as the cishet men). Like, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry) but most of you, if not all of you, are those exact same people, who do the exact same things and behave the same way, you're just doing it in different intensities. Just go fuck yourself already, seriously. I genuinely mean it with all my heart.
if I'm wrong about the he/they, do tell me and show me the reliable source so i can be sure that I'm actually wrong and can correct myself properly, but I'll most likely keep the post up since i also brought up another issue regarding this kind of disrespect.
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hi so i just found your blog and i was wondering if you could make a post about how you realized you were gender-fluid and/or signs of being gender-fluid? i'm really confused about my gender rn and i think reading something by a gender-fluid person would help clarify things for me. thanks!!
hi! absolutely! if you have any specifics you can always ask again, or if you wish to talk to me directly, my dms are open! <3
when i was younger, i transitioned to enby. i felt very comfortable and safe in that identity, and would dress and present incredibly fluidly.
as time went on, i started to feel more masculine.. and i got on T, and cemented myself as trans masc. during both of these times, i struggled with identity- as i felt i had to owe some amount of femininity or fit perfectly in what it means to be a "man." it was troubling- for a long time, i felt an incredibly large amount of shame for just existing as a trans person.
then- again.. i started feeling enby again! and it confused me. i thought i was just hiding from one identity or the other, maybe i was just gender non-conforming- but i wasn't. i had recently discovered genderfluid again- i knew what it was, but i thought it couldn't be me, i don't feel like a girl ever! ... and then it hit me, i don't have to feel feminine to be fluid in my gender. i feel my gender change kind of like emotions- like when you're really happy or mad and you and your body react accordingly- that's how i realized my gender was fluid. this could also mean dysphoria or euphoria waves correlated with certain expressions and terms- one day i could love he/him with all that euphoria- the next it could be dysphoric. i change pronouns accordingly!
tumblr blogs helped too! my favorite being @barbthebuilder , that was crucial in my growth. my egg was pretty recently cracked- but it's been helpful. things ive done to help with this journey is have my sibling check my gender daily- and we'll go over pronouns and how it feels. today i felt masc, but enby- annd like sour candy. (weird ways of describing! but it gives me a connection and fun to it) and they always help me with that. also affirming clothes and hair.. over long periods of time by gender goes in stages. it'll be overall something, but can still flow day by day, and that's okay!
being genderfluid is beautiful, and only you can define your gender. meaning, if you feel it's fluid- FUCK STEREOTYPES YOU'RE GENDERFLUID !! (if that's a label you'd like to use :3) lmao this is so wordy 💀 ily, you got this!
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My thoughts on the trans rep in "The Star Beast"
This episode is haunted by the spectre of Good Representation™. Representation is a topic too expansive and nuanced for me to interrogate fully, so I'll just say I'm sceptical of the approach and the way it reduces trans (or otherwise marginalised) characters to plot points or blandly by-the-book portrayals. Also the idea that any single character can accurately represent an entire demographic is tenuous. Anyway.
Throughout the episode there's a huge focus on how beautiful Rose is, which is... I mean, I'd hardly be the first person to point out how Weird people (cis people especially) can get about how trans people look. And I get that this is probably a deliberate attempt to counter transphobia, to stress that trans people are cherished and deserve the world. It is a sweet sentiment I suppose, but it can come across as a bit... insincere? patronising? fetishistic, even? You have to recognise that correlating a person's worth with how beautiful you think they are is problematic in and of itself.
I actually really like the scene where Sylvia is stumbling on pronouns and worrying about whether or not it's okay to call Rose gorgeous. It's cute. It's genuine. I wasn't sure about the boys on bikes scene that preceded it – I thought deadnaming Rose was a clumsy way to establish that she's trans – but I've watched the episode again and my opinion has softened. I think it works well to have the malicious misgendering side-by-side with the accidental misgendering, showing that, yes, there is a difference. I know this already, but cis people who get confused about terminology and etiquette might benefit from watching this.
Speaking of pronouns... haha. Yeah, I did not like the "are you assuming he as a pronoun?" "my chosen pronoun is the definite article" exchange. Very awkward and nonsensical. It could have worked with some tweaking, but as it stands it feels more like a transphobic joke than actual dialogue. Ditto "male-presenting Time Lord."
Side note: why are some people so thrown off by the Doctor's gender? It's really not that complicated. The Doctor's pronouns vary depending on whether we're talking about an individual incarnation or the Doctor as a whole, encompassing all incarnations. If we're talking about a specific Doctor, they've all been he/him so far except for the Thirteenth and Fugitive Doctor (both she/her). If we're referring to all Doctors as one entity, it makes sense to use they/them since they're not consistently one gender or another. The Doctor is technically nonbinary I guess but only because they have the ability to regenerate into any gender. They're genderfluid only if you squint.
ANYWAY.
Is Rose nonbinary? Again, the "binary, binary, nonbinary" line just felt like a joke. Plus it doesn't make a lot of sense as a plot point/reveal. Rose's gender shouldn't actually be relevant because what's important for the meta-crisis thing is that she's Donna's offspring. There's also the fact that Rose had been presented as a trans girl until that point – no indication that she's nonbinary. Yes, it is possible to be a nonbinary girl, but it seems more likely to me that RTD just thinks nonbinary and trans are synonymous. Which is not the case.
The thing is, as I've alluded to already, Rose is an example of trans rep written by cis people for cis people. RTD's heart is in the right place, for sure, but he doesn't really know what he's talking about. I would say I appreciate the effort? But I don't know what the effort was in aid of exactly. I suppose it's nice for cis people to be told it's okay to stumble on pronouns sometimes, and to be shown that transness isn't a horrible and scary thing. I dunno. It's frustrating that trans people in life and in fiction have to educate and inspire and reassure cis people all the time... but we live in a society, don't we? And I'm sure there will be plenty of young trans people thrilled to see someone like them on TV, even if the execution could have been better.
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Hi! Love your blog! I have a question:
Maybe it's because I listen to a lot of crime podcasts, but I have never associated psychopathy with being aro and/or ace (despite or maybe because I'm on the aroace spectrum myself?). Is this one of those things where there are people out there equating – I imagine especially aromanticism – with being emotionless? I feel like I've mainly heard the – also horrible – comments of aroace people being "like robots". Then again, I'm not "fully" aroace, nor have I had the need to be super open about it, so I don't pay much attention to this stuff.
Anyway, while I agree that calling Alastor an "evil psychopath" is simplifying things something that frustrates me in parts of the Hellaverse fandom in general....or just fandom in general, tbf...I don't think considering him to be on the ASPD spectrum is incorrect?
Enough rambling and onto my main question: in your opinion, should I always clarify that when I call someone a psychopath and that person also happens to be aro and/or ace, that the two things are not correlated? I don't want to accidentally imply something hurtful/feed into a horrible social mentality.
P.S. I want to be clear that I don't want to imply that all people with ASPD are murderers/rapists etc either. Though clearly Alastor is the former. Of course they're not. And I can only imagine how much of a struggle living with such a disorder might be.
hello hello, thank you for the questions. i shall try to be methodical and not rambly (we'll see how it pans out)
yeah there's a big ableist and queerphobic cliché around "emotionless" characters being psychopaths who don't love -- basically it's an oversimplification of psychopathy and often conflates it with being psychotic, and of course, it assumes a correlation both between psychopathy and being evil, and being aspec -- especially the kind that's further down the end of repulsed and loveless and aplatonic -- as being evil (with "love" being the opposite of these things, which, tangent, do have a whooole other post on with this show, because it's done some very fun and potentially future-interesting things on love and sex)
the key here is that aro and/or ace is often never spoken of in narratives when this happens because well... people don't know wtf that is, so it's got that similar flavour to "oh well buffalo bill isn't transphobic, because actually the character isn't trans, the cisgender psychiatrist said so!" (actually... whole other thing on that too, but not on this blog... basically jame gumb is underrated and i root for them every time i watch the movie), but it's the Idea that "love makes you human, and sex is always assumed with love, and if you don't feel those things, it's a clue that you're evil, and the shorthand for that is psychopathic" -- generally the person writing this has never actually researched the words psychopath or psychotic, it's not about being interested in those concepts in characters, it's just a synonym for Bad
and yeah, the "like robots" fully ties into this -- the other side of the coin is aspec people as children, but alastor sooo far doesn't seem to be read this way, although the whole "but if he just discovers how to do Love/Touch/Sex in [insert whatever is wanted for this narrative] he'll become better" does play into some of those tropes too, that there is inherently something mentally ill about being aspec, and that being mentally ill is a sign of Badness (there really is a whole Essay i could do on this, and the general overlap between aspec-writing and trans-writing but! i will resist!), and it's about whether or not the Badness can be cured. if not, he's a psychopath, if yes, it's through normative relationship structures/fundamentally changing the character
it all comes down to actual curiosity -- hc'ing alastor as ASPD is totally fine (i also hc blitzø from helluva boss as BPD) and can open up a lot of doors for interrogation and interest, it's whether someone is using mental health as shorthand for shutting down further interaction with the character (think Psycho's "ah yes, this character is schizophrenic and has mother issues, hence why wearing women's clothing, the end"), or if this allows further play with the character, opens up potential doors, considers the character as rounded, rather than one-note. some aspec people do have a history of trauma or have personality disorders or are autistic, but is someone actually interested in exploring the rich variation of queerness within a character, or are we "explaining it away" as something that's merely a symptom (often one that is imagined to be fixable)
generally, im so into poking at villains and i think alastor is one of the juiciest characters ive had to play with in awhile, mainly because it feels like a lot of his writing is intentional and isn't me deciding to delve into the motivations of [slasher/monster/villain/etc] that doesn't actually exist in the text -- and i think alastor definitely does have some Stuff that could be unpacked from a neurodivergent and mental health perspective, even and including parts of his aroaceness
so in the end, picturing him on the ASPD spectrum and even linking that to aroaceness... I mean, totally chill. al-old-pal does have low empathy, and a pattern of reckless, violent behaviour, and fundamentally views relationships differently from the norm. im making arguments that he hasn't been able to create the kind of intimacy that works for him, except for perhaps with rosie and maaaaybe mimzy and niffty (@creepysora has had some very cool ideas of him connecting in alternate ways that work with his way of being and boundaries), but that doesn't mean he's suddenly More remorseful or empathetic about how his actions affect others
it's about whether or not one is using that as a way of minimising or pathologising aroaceness, and/or as a way of making aspec identities all about self-hatred (and that in turn fuels villainy), and/or generally as an explanation of his villainy as some inherent degeneracy, and/or using the word "psychopath" to mean something completely different from what it actually is... that's when we get into sticky territory
and in the end, it can be hard -- something that's perfectly reasonable to one person, could be crossing a boundary for someone else and we just have to live with that, so don't wait on my blessing, i just think as long as one's caring and curious it's heading in the right direction. i watch a lot of horror, and i can usually recognise when something is well-meaning and something is lazy, and even times when it's the latter i can still find enjoyment (think angela from sleepaway camp -- on the flipside the movie they/them was well-meaning and a complete miss in its final political statement)
i recognise also im bringing up a lot of trans villainy as-example, rather than aspec villainy. that's a. because my special interest is trans horror so go figure and b. because that overlap is soooo real
(another example, not horror unless you're a karate kid 3 truther, is the character terry silver, who is never stated to be aromantic, but whose villainy on the later show cobra kai is intimately tied to an unspecified madness that includes low empathy and... no love, vs all the happily monogamous (het) relationships around him. he's not aromantic, he's not diagnosed with anything, it's not of interest to the story that he may be mentally ill or have PTSD or be aro and possibly loveless or that he may be gay -- because yes, he's coded that way too and that overlap is also real, and a whole other tangent i could go on -- it's just subtext to add to the villainy)
now another tangent, but loosely connected: was reading a transcript of the 1974 TS/TV conference (the first of its kind that was organised in the way it was) -- a series of talks over the course of a weekend discussing trans rights, especially in healthcare, and it fully contained a section of someone saying that "true" transsexuals can be recognised because before they physically transition (into binary genders)... they're asexual. because they hate their bodies so much that they can't feel sexual attraction to others. lot to unpack there, but really in this little conversation as example, what i mean is that the roots of pathologising aspec identities run very very deep, including within the wider LGBT+ community, and since alastor is quite a complex character that has done some very bad things, it's worth really thinking about what headcanoning him as one way or another says about the character for oneself. what does it add? what does it potentially demonise or minimise? what does it allow?
the neat thing about hellaverse is the sheer amount of queer characters meaning we can go beyond "if x character is Bad this represents Every person within this group" but with alastor being (so far) the only character who's not doing the whole love-and-sex game (although i think striker counts in this as well, personally + listen... sir pentious givin' real demi vibes. and if we're looking for a link between trauma and asexuality, well, angel is right there. and, and, and...), it does bear going the extra length to learn about -- especially since a lot of people really don't know that these biases even exist in the first place, which leads to a lot of unthinking perpetuating
i think a good place to start would honestly be: "would this feel like a queerphobic and ableist coding if the character were gay? trans? bi?" not because we're totally over queerphobic writing in general (lol, can you imagine), but as a starting point: are we treating aspec identity in text in a way that makes the idea of being aspec in and of itself degeneracy?
but like. hell yeah villains. hell yeah neurodivergency, mental illness, low empathy, lovelessness, unhealthy coping mechanisms, Bad Mean Queers, cannibalism, and characters you just can't quite suss out. big into a fucked up little guy
how did i do on the ramblyness
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transphobia specifically directed at trans men and transmasculine people is not transmisandry. it's not transandrophobia. there is specific oppression that trans men face, but it's not because we're men or masculine, as those two words imply. it's just fucking misogyny. "young girls are being brainwashed/groomed into being trans" = misogyny. "trans men with mental illnesses can't really know if they're trans or not" = assumes people they see as girls can't make their own decisions = infantilization of women = misogyny. "transmascs over-masculinize themselves to fit in" = demonizes gender transgression of anyone assigned female at birth = misogyny. "what if they decide to detransition and can't have children?/testosterone can cause infertility/testosterone can cause irreversible changes" = sees people with uteruses as vessels for babies and the patriarchy = misogyny.
internet trans discourse is stupid and i just want to shake people by the shoulders and scream that both sides of the "transandrophobia" debate are so fucking reductive. all of the above rhetoric is alive and well and the cause of a shit ton of anti-trans legislation, sentiment, and violence both nationally (US) and internationally, and i'm tired of people who aren't transmasculine acting like trans men automatically have male privilege just because we identify as men now. it doesn't change how cis ppl see us, and even if a guy has been on hormones for awhile, he's still affected by reproductive laws (hmm...correlation in US legislation/rights anyone?), as one example. this of course doesn't mean trans men can't have male privilege, but it's not the universal sticker of "this person is a man and therefore doesn't face x" that cis men have.
personally i am not a fan of the way "transmisogyny" is used as a specifier, because from what i've seen, the oppression that trans women and men (and nonbinary people, especially those who do hormones or surgeries), though different, all stems from misogyny. transphobia itself stems from misogyny. i don't like how "transmisogyny"--and especially its derivatives, tme/tma--imply that trans men somehow face less oppression than trans women. we are all one group and the insistence on dividing us into this ridiculous binary, one that is supposedly, to internet queers, the greatest divide when it comes to types of transphobia, erases factors like race and disability that i think have much more of a sway on how likely it is that a trans person will be a target. you think a black trans man transitioning now means he'll somehow be safer than a white trans woman? really????
before y'all turn this into the pancake waffle thing, i'm not saying the word transmisogyny is bad or that we shouldn't talk about the intersectionality of being trans and a woman. but the way the trans community, and by extension, the cis queer community, talks about it as if trans women are the only ones that are women, seen as women, feel connected to womanhood, adjacent to womanhood, and face all the misogyny related to those things is frankly one of the stupidest progressions of queer theory i've ever seen. intersectionality of gender identity, transness, and sexuality is so complicated, fluid, and personal in a way that a gender/sexuality intersection with race, disability, or class is not. while there are threads of connection between all of these things, the two "types" of gendered oppression, misogyny and transphobia, are so closely tied together and smushed together within the meaning of gender that efforts to put clear-cut terms and frameworks of intersectionality within that little shaken-up cocktail is going to be fruitless.
and y'alls insistence on doing so, trying to dumb everything down into rules that don't always apply and definitely don't match up with the way the actual world treats trans people, drives me fucking crazy.
#i've avoided making this post because i find transmasc discourse fucking annoying#but that's also why i'm making this post.#transphobia#transmisogyny#transandrophobia#misogyny#intersectionality#josiah speaks
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I'm loving your Human!Bill AU, but i do have a question: What gender is human bill? Like his human bodie's biological gender? And why did you pick it? I know you modelled it off the Canon!Bill Alex drew which i love because it's not widely loved or accepted, and is chaotic and gross just the way it should be. Also what his Goldies favorite human food and least favorite human food?
Thanks!! :) Biological sex is female, probably, unless I think of a really good reason to make Bill intersex. (Unlikely, though; since Bill is alien I want to not correlate an intersex body with his alienness, that's not the vibe I'm going for here.) In any case, what he definitely isn't is anatomically male, and the reason he isn't anatomically male is because everyone canonically uses he/him pronouns for him.
I'm shooting for those specific trans agender*-apathetic vibes of "the assigned sex and the pronouns do not match at all, the person has no interest in making them 'match,' and the person has no desire to alter the way the body is shaped or perceived in any way." Granted, it's true that Bill would very much like to alter his body—but only to make it, y'know, Not Human. Reshaping the genitalia or altering the distribution of fat/hair would not improve his experience in this body. He doesn't care what humans think he looks like and he doesn't care what humans call him.
(*I don't think Bill is agender, per se; but I think his funky alien gender has no equivalent in human gender systems, so he has no gender he can claim amongst humans. Bill's gender is "spherical equilateral triangle" and the latest Gender Discourse in his home universe was about whether spherical shapes are their own unique gender experience or if they're just part of their umbrella shapes. He is NOT going to try to map that onto human experiences.)
His favorite human "food" (do drinks count as food?) is expired lime juice margaritas. He also enjoys a wide variety of other expired juices.
If he has to choose a SOLID food, whatever blindingly-bright pulse-doubling sugar-and-caffeine abomination has most recently been added to the candy aisle. Ford has caught him snorting a line of expired Smile Dip off the bathroom counter.
If he has to choose a solid food that DOESN'T have enough artificial color in it to turn your pee blue, 90% odds he'll just grab a can opener and eat something unheated straight out of the can, what does he care, it's food, leave him alone. He enjoys Real Food when it's offered but he can't muster up the energy to learn to prepare or acquire it himself.
Least favorite food is celery. Impossible to chew. No flavor. Hairy. Only tolerable if it's chopped up and DROWNED in squirt cheese-in-a-can.
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yo tunglr how goest it
so! things keep Happening. i am like "i should make a post" and then things happen and i would need a whole additional post
so uh. where to start. i was in minnesota. i did not like minnesota. the social services are pretty damn solid but i did not know anybody except john and it was looking like a three year wait to get into housing, and i had to park a mile and a half away from the shelter because clearly letting homeless people park their cars next to the homeless shelter encourages them to remain homeless or something :P
and i have been trying for ten years to get back to the east coast, to the only place where i know more than one person in meatspace in the entire world. and then my tax refund came out to be Enough that i could afford to go to there. so i was like fuck it i will go to there
(can i afford to exist on the east coast? probably not. but i can't afford to exist anywhere that allows trans people. may as well be not affording to exist in a place where i have some sort of a network.)
so first i went to leia's and got a bunch of my stuff. mainly electronics and knitting. and then i came to here. i had arranged with a friend to use her address to receive mail and do laundry and shower and all those fun things you cannot do in a car. also i acquired some car-camping gadgets that plug into my car's cigarette lighter, such as an electric blanket.
(i even found out that my car has a 15amp cigarette lighter circuit like a semi truck, instead of a 10amp circuit like most passenger cars, so i can use a trucker's cookbox to heat up food! very exciting. still don't have an electric kettle but i saw a hopeful looking one at a truckstop, i'm just trying to pinch my pennies.)
anyway SO! got to friend's house. things went well for 2 nights. i successfully tested riding the metro and did not get the motion sickness. this was excellent news as i had to quit my last job in this area due to inability to arrive on time as i kept having to hop off metro and let my tummy settle
then friend's husband decided actually the plan that we thought had been cleared with him was Not okay, because he had managed to hear a totally different plan that only existed inside his head. (he does this. he has not managed to grasp that friend is against the palestinian genocide. they are both jewish so this is. a topic of regular conversation let us say)
so. i have been put up in a hotel for a week. very cozy. i just figured out how to use the coffee maker to make hot water for instant mashed potatoes. the week is running out but i have been looking into options.
so yesterday of course my phone had to go and fucking brick itself. (i think it was yesterday. time has been. somewhat. look i don't have a phone okay i can't exactly look at the date every five seconds as normal)
phone repair place gave me a free diagnosis, which was, the battery swoll up just enough to pop the back slightly open (it is not a phone that is supposed to open) and let water in and now the motherboard is ruined. it cannot be fixed
thank fuck i had picked up my electronics at leia's, thus i was able to communicate via ipad and laptop that this Had Happened. navigation is being *really goddamn hard* because i have to memorize directions from my wifi-only ipad before going out, and then somehow correlate them with very bad interstate signage (the only way i survived getting back from the phone repair place is that i'd been to an aldi in the same shopping center while my phone still worked)
i mean i could take transit but have you ever tried to take transit without a phone when transit maps are digital only
any fucking way. so then i went to the department of food stamps and all that stuff, to ask about assistance. the department told me i would have to be a resident in the county for nine months before i could even get into a shelter. also i got shuffled between several desks that were supposed to help me applicate for food stamps and medicaid before my name just... fell off the big monitor that showed all the people waiting and where they should go.
so my friend mara who is well connected in the local activism community began making Noises and we emailed a bunch of people. there is a place (nondenominational even! in minnesota you had your choice of the catholics, the "union gospel mission", or the sally army) that does free hot meals and helping applicate for shit and sometimes has charities come to give away free phones and so forth. sounds very much like the big central shelter and help center i was at in minnesota, except crucially not catholic.
(the catholics are better to deal with than the folks who require you to attend services in order to receive help. but they're still very... catholic about it.)
anyway that place says i can park there and not get towed, which is my largest concern. i have not actually gone to there yet because i did not feel like driving that far from my hotel with no gmaps until i have to. but it sounds extremely promising. i have some other emails to follow up on too but today i went and got one of my roughly-annual migraines so i was flat on my back in a dark room all day.
(at least the migraine had the decency to hit while i have a room and a bed and darkness all available. very polite of it. this has not been the case any time in the past six months and it has been a worry)
anyway i can't friggin get my lifeline provider (aka free government phone service for teh poors) to log me in on their website to look for a new phone without them being able to text my old phone, even though they offer me email verification and then just don't load the next page, so there is a solid nonzero chance i may lose this phone number. my contacts *should* be backed up to my gmail if i can get another android phone though.
so. uh. let's see. a new smartphone and service would run me close to $200 minimum. (i've been checking on a cheap service i had before becoming eligible for lifeline, which i was happy with. their very cheapest smartphone is like $114 on sale and their cheapest from a brand i've ever heard of, which i would strongly prefer, is a motorola running about $140 on sale. it's giant and clunky with a badly placed fingerprint reader but "able to get cellular service and run google maps therefrom" is my main priority right now.)
i have about $200 of my tax refund left in the bank. also i still need to buy gas. and some more food soon, i'm about down to canned chili (very edible cold in tortillas) and instant mashed potatoes (can make with cold water but they are significantly less delicious that way). and probably some other things i'm forgetting, and i haven't even started looking into the emissions test or my maryland ID and license plates. which i also wanted to budget about $200 for in case i have to pay excise tax for moving states like i did in minnesota (i don't know if i was supposed to or if the dmv fucked up). i forgot to ask if the one place does gas cards but i need to.
anyway i have to be out of my hotel room saturday morning so i am planning to spend tomorrow packing my shit back up and hauling it mostly down to my car. also i need another bath at some point. too much has been happening
sleeping in a bed has been very nice though. hadn't done that since august. i can sleep in my car and it's mostly comfortable but i'm fat and my steering wheel does not respect that
anyway. um. until more things explode i guess that is my update? jesus murphy. it's holy week and you can friggin tell. really bringing my catholic out. tomorrow is good friday and i definitely expect something more to explode. hell, my micro sd card was making noises about being corrupted and i was going to transfer stuff off it onto a new one via my computer and i haven't even started that yet because i've been so frazzled. it better not die along with jesus tomorrow, it's got all my music on it
#homelessness tw#uh i guess#who the fuck knows anymore#i haven't actually typed on a keyboard in over six months either so there's that#at least i still have my touch typing skills
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Time for another major take-down
This is a Big One. I'm going to analyse I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out.
Part 1
Let's get into it. Firstly, the note at the start: I hate how it's become commonplace to write something online - a literal public space, accessible to anyone - and then when criticised immediately back-track and call it 'private' and 'a diary entry'. This applies to radfems on tumblr, or anyone tbh. If you want something to remain private, write it privately.
Correlation, meet causation.
Yeah, there's a reason the phrase 'correlation does not equal cause causation' exists. But this is the primary tool of human narrative-making and exactly why it is so easy for trans-identified people to discover past 'evidence' of their gender. Occam's razor is thrown out because the dull reality feels much less significant than the constructed narrative.
Ever the magical thinker, I tell myself that if I wish out loud one thousand times, I will wake up with long hair in cute pajamas with a different name — and maybe freckles.
One might consider it a minor nitpick, but here lies the primary issue: the gender essentialism that people internalise as children is not discarded as sexist nonsense, but instead the sunk-cost fallacy works its magic. Of course, the author might be using some flowery language to merely evoke the image of 'girl' in the reader's mind - but the mere fact that someone in this culture is able to communicate the exact concept of biological sex by referencing sexed roles/expectations shows just how ingrained these beliefs are in our society.
The next part, at eight years old, is especially sad. Causation and correlation definitely have a rocky relationship here. He describes getting on with mostly women. Something as basic as being friends with and admiring the females in his life is seen as 'proof' of his female identity. But of course, you're a transwoman in the closet. How many of these 'women' you like and admire, are actually women? You say you think divorced, tattooed, Catie's mum is cool - what if that person is actually a man? Or if that feels like a cheap argument, do you think that all these women especially like you, above all other 'boys' your age? Do you think they can tell?
When I ask to sleep over at my friends’ houses, I am told I am not allowed. Boys are not allowed. My friend Caitie’s mother argues about this on the phone with my mother. I realize my mother is not on my side.
No sarcasm here - I don't really get this bit. Did you mean to write that girls are not allowed? Because historically, parents are fine with boys having sleepovers together - it's typically cross-sex sleepovers that parents find an issue with, for all sorts of reasons. Not allowing sleepvers with other boys would be a concern of your mum specifically; nothing to do with gender. And speaking of your mum, your takeaway is that she's not on your side? What a strangely powerful conclusion to come to from one minor thing. Parents give their kids all sorts of weird and stupid rules. She might have her own reasons to not let you go to sleepovers - have you, say, asked her?
I love everything my sister loves, but I will not admit it. I know she and her friends will make fun of me. I know my parents will chastise me and correct me. I am learning the rules, and I am learning that boys liking girl things is a very high stakes issue. I am learning that adults react the same way to my interest in makeup as they do to my interest in matches and lighters.
Oh, you're learning the rules, are you? Did you ever want to un-learn them, maybe question them a bit, at least wonder for a second why the rules are that way? I once asked a trans person in DMs if they'd wondered why certain gendered expectations exist, and they responded 'to be honest, I hadn't really thought about it'. Remember, trans people are supposed to know more about gender than cis people. I've known trans people IRL to obsess over the details of their passing with zero questioning of the status quo. The fact that we're supposed to consider this rhetoric to be truly radical is telling.
As if maybe, by being what I am, I might burn down something very important to them. Something that makes their life more comfortable and easy.
The reason that following gender expectations makes life comfortable and easy for 'cis women' is exactly the same as it is for you: because it means that they don't have to feel angry at the world, that they can accept that everything they learned during childhood is natural and healthy and they don't have to hate their parents, peers and other adults for demanding certain things of them, and now as adults they retain certain 'perks' for conforming. You're only fractionally better because you're rejecting one set of expectations in favour of another - but in another way you're a whole lot worse because you're literally a member of the oppressor class wearing the costume of the oppressed class and thinking that makes you privy to their experiences. You're the one with a privilege so important to you that women's freedom and liberation would burn it down.
I am jealous of my sister’s clothing. One day, home alone after school, I sneak into her room and pull on her Tinkerbell Halloween costume. I slip the elastic straps over my shoulders, then the tights along my legs. It fits.
Ah, the classic. The charitable version of me acknowledges that many trans people have been perfectly willing to admit (especially pre 2016) that they're dysphoric over sex and will accept these surface-level associations purely to help them relieve dysphoria. And I understand that. But this man claimed at the start that correlation = causation, here. And you cannot tell me that everyone who has read this will be thinking as deeply as I am - many people are fully happy to admit that this has nothing to do with sex and entirely to do with gender i.e. gendered roles and expectations. To many people, that Tinkerbell costume is synonymous with 'female'. It makes you wonder why we decided to say that vaginas are female sex organs at all, if gender can be summed up with long hair and cute pyjamas.
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I had a bit of a revelation today and wanted to share. As it deals with my experience as a woman, I'm going to preface with this: Trans women are women, and this post isn't for anyone who disagrees with that.
Also wanted to say I know pronouns don’t directly correlate with gender. “She/her” doesn’t only mean “woman”, etc etc.
With that out of the way, I wanted to talk about why I, a cis woman, prefer strangers to call me “he/him” and friends/family/etc. to call me “she/her”.
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Depending on who you are and how close we are, I either use she/her or he/him. If we know each other, and/or you’re queer as well, use she/her for me. If I don’t know you and you’re not queer in some way, I’d prefer if you use he/him. Seems arbitrary, and I guess on an objective level it is, but I wanted to share my thoughts on why I feel that way. Emphasis on feel: this is my personal experience and it has no bearing on anyone else’s.
As a kid, I had a moment when I looked away from my shows and books where the boys and men have emotions, go on journeys, and have character arcs, while the girls and women sit in the back without real emotion, only follow the men on journeys or don’t have journeys at all, and don’t grow as people, and realized “I’m also a person, like the boys are”. The flat, non-people who also happened to be women were who I’d been taught to associate with, but they weren’t like me, because I was a person. Now, I was working within the bounds of a very limited child’s understanding at the time. Obviously we’re all people, but only the men in those stories were allowed to be people. When women were people, I thought “she’s acting like a man”. Maybe the text even outright framed it that way. In reality, they were just given the traits of a person, which I’d been conditioned to associate with “man-ness”.
Later on, this subconscious association came back to bite me. For a time, I thought I was a demigirl or some variation thereof, because I didn’t fully identify with the definition of “woman” I’d been taught. I viscerally hate the idea of children/childbearing, I only very rarely wear makeup (and even then “it’s not the kind women wear”), I don’t dress in traditionally feminine ways, etc. And, well, I’m a person with her own thoughts and dreams and wants and fears. I simply don’t fit into that incredibly narrow, reductive, and specific cisheteronormative definition. I never have. So, at the time, I thought “I must not be a woman then.”
But using she/they and calling myself a demigirl didn’t feel right either. This was frustrating, because I wanted a name to call myself by. And “woman” was right for me… just not this society’s definition. After a lot of thinking I realized I had a different definition of woman, and so that settled that. I am a woman. Just not the kind we (90s/early 00s babies) were taught about.
I did want to say though: Defining “woman” is, I believe, impossible. As is defining “man”. Or any other gender. If you ask me, at the end of the day it’s an attempt to describe something that’s so subjective and variable and ethereal there’s almost no use trying. It’s just a “you know it when you see it” thing. Or I guess “you know it when you feel it”. I can’t truly define the cisheteronormative woman, and I can’t define my own version of woman, but I do know they’re not equivalent in the slightest.
So how does this relate to my two sets of pronouns? Well, when someone knows me, or when a stranger is also queer and thus I can trust already has a different understanding of these things, I can also trust they’re using she/her for me in a way that at least somewhat aligns with how I use it for myself. I use it to refer to my personal definition of “woman”.
But, when a non-queer stranger refers to me, “he/him” feels more appropriate. Because to my ears, a non-queer stranger’s “she/her” refers to a definition of woman that is simply not what I am. And when we must work within the incredibly limiting cishet binary, the cishet “he/him” is actually closer to my “she/her” than the cishet “she/her” is.
It’s like translating languages, if I must compare it to something. There is no true equivalent in “the cisheteronormative language” to my she/her. “He/him” is what comes closest.
For an example: I don’t put my pronouns out there when I’m playing video games, because I’m concerned about opening myself up to harassment; “she/her” in that environment often means “someone to pick on”. That’s less true nowadays than it used to be, thank fuck, but it’s still a concern of mine. By leaving myself undefined, the average cishet male gamer will assume and call me “he/him”, thus treating me as an equal. Because I am. We’re both people. “He/him” is the closest equivalent in his “language” to what my pronouns “actually” are.
…I don’t really know how to conclude this little essay. But I wanted to share, because I’ve never seen anyone talk about this sort of pronoun usage, and I figured it might help someone out there figure things out.
And once again: this is all my personal experience and view of things. You can disagree on every point, and that’s fine. That’s your truth. This is mine.
Gender is made up, pronouns are just words, do whatever you want forever.
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Review Blurbs: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
General Thoughts:
-From what I've seen the animation had like "how are the animators not in a psych ward" insane levels of attention to detail so go look into that cause there's always some new amazing tidbit of info circulating about the movie-making process
-Music score was fantastic, it always did well setting the atmosphere of the scenes and bringing you into the moment (my favorite sequences was Gwen's intro and the Mumbattan segments)
-I'm obsessed with how they choreographed the fight styles, especially for Gwen and Pavitr who had very stylized movements (Gwen's is based off ballet and Pavitr fights using Kalaripayattu)
-I liked how Miles' theme song (What's Up Danger) felt a bit more fitting. In ITSV, Miles was very new to everything and questioning if the hero lifestyle was what he wanted. Now, not only was he so committed to doing things his way that he derailed the entire Spider Society with success, but we also meet Earth-42 Miles who is seemingly very fearsome. To the Spider Society, potentially to the entire multiverse even, they face a danger in the form of Miles Morales.
-This movie was Gwen's movie, full stop. Her and Miles shared the spotlight, she wasn't just a side character this time. I haven't seen people talk about this as much and they should cause Gwen's story was so beautifully crafted and that intro/final scene were some of the best parallel sequences I've ever seen in a movie. Her story and even the storytelling in the music and her "starting a band" were so well done, people have been doing analyses on the music change in the intro vs the final scene and how the music correlates to Gwen's personal growth and just ugh. More Gwen appreciation please (this isn't even getting into the trans allegory literally there was so much to her story so pay tf attention please and thank you)
-Adding on, part of the reason I loved the above point was also cause not only is ITSV's main female character given a big spotlight to shine in, but it served an important narrative purpose of giving the movie a hopeful and satisfying ending, because right now Miles' story is in its sort of Rising/Climax stage. The final act of Miles Morales' story has only just begun, and the movie set it up so damn well cause I know me and everyone alive are dying to know what's gonna happen next with him and Earth-42 Miles. Gwen's arc wrapped up and gave us hope as Miles' story was taking a dark turn, and that hope is what's gonna lead us forward until its his turn to shine in the light once again.
-Loved the new characters, I enjoyed Miguel having layers to his methodology and morals (some people pointed out possible reasons for him acting as aggressive as he did and it makes a lot of sense, but at the time it was just like "why tf is Miguel slamming Miles into a train and screaming at him for not wanting his dad to die papi chill💀")
-Jessica is underrated and I love how they did her character. She's very responsible and definitely has a tough love approach, but she's very human. I laughed out loud when she said she wasn't bothered by being pregnant in this line of work cause the guy she screwed was hot like she is so fucking real omg. Jessica also had a similar attitude to Miguel, but she has a personal connection with Gwen that I think grounds her more. I wish we had more of her mentorship towards Gwen and I hope to see it in the next movie (maybe even a baby reveal👀)
-I don't think anyone mentioned it but Spider-Byte always looked a bit different/off in all her frames and I'm like 99% sure that's cause they used a different animation style to give her that glitched/cyber punk effect which is just so damn cool
-Honestly all the female characters deserve more recognition, fandom still has a huge male bias and it shows cause Gwen, Jessica, Spider-Byte and Lila deserve way more love
-Hobie was without a doubt my favorite character this movie. He's a real punk and I cannot be grateful enough cause I am fucking done with people who ain't actually punk using it as an aesthetic, he's here to show how its done (others have made plenty of observations on him so go check those out cause they're very good)
-Not much to say about Pavitr personally but I adore his character design, definitely my favorite next to Gwen's (he also taught me that chai tea does not exist and is in fact just "tea tea" I'M SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW I'M SOUTH AMERICAN NOT SOUTH ASIAN😭)
-I'm surprised by how engaging Spider-Verse continues to make their villains. Doc Ock was fantastic, and this time around The Spot was a great subversion of expectations. He's silly and from the trailer release to the beginning of the movie, you think he's a joke character to set the mood. Then he starts to become actually sinister and you're sitting there thinking "the movie literally called me out for this and I still managed to fall into expectations". Very good job making a villain character not only feel like a threat, but by doing so in an unexpected way that really rips the rug out from under you. I want to study the story writers' minds like I'm being tested on it
-The return of the OGs was so nice, I wasn't as invested in Into the Spider-Verse admittedly but I felt it when Peni made a reappearance to tell Miles his dad had to die. Shit hit me in the soul (I'm also obsessed with Noir so very happy to see them both back)
-I saw people saying that Spider-Verse was copaganda and I'd like to withhold any definitive stances until Beyond comes out, but it definitely felt like they were holding back when it came to criticisms of Gwen's dad. Remember, it could very well be that the writer's behind Hobie "hate the AM and PM"/wears blue fucking laces Brown were told by higher-ups to cool it or the movie wouldn't get released so don't immediately go after them, learn from the writer's strike to use critical thinking and wait for more info. Hopefully they can address that more after audience reviews come in so we'll see.
-All the scenes where Miles would almost reveal he's Spider-Man to his parents/did reveal it had me stressed lmao, they did a great job making the audience feel the weight and tension of the moment
-The ending was the hypest shit like it was so good I couldn't even be mad about the cliffhanger I was just in awe
-I actually thought towards the end that they might do a two-parter but then I was like "nahhhhh they wouldn't" and then they did that. We very much entered a "final stage" towards the end so I'm wondering how the creators will space it out and what they'll do for the next movie. Either way I am "beyond" hyped
Criticisms:
I only have like two criticisms cause this movie was pretty fucking good, but its never bad to look at what even a masterpiece like Spider-Verse could do better so future projects can take note. Having said that:
-I understand it was for authenticity's sake, but the live-action segments were a bit jarring after being in animation for so long. I would've animated those segments as well or done some form of 3D so it blended in. Every other character was animated so it felt weird when suddenly Andrew Garfield and Donald Glover were on screen (even Tom Holland's spidey was animated). A minor nitpick, but I can respect the boldness in really committing to the meta-mindfuckery of the multiverse
-Gwiles as a ship was never really my thing, so you can understand my surprise when I felt like they actually kinda improved on it since the first movie ("boy has crush on girl because she's pretty and a girl and we're supposed to root for it" is my least favorite trope [*cough cough* cause its what straight dudes like *cough cough*] so its no surprise when Gwiles in ITSV did absolutely nothing for me). Having said that, the movie pushed a tad too hard for it imo. Pavitr was the classic "shipper" character made to push the ship forward and make it super obvious to the audience that its what the movie wants you to root for, and I and many people are not about that. If you need to tell your audience to support a romance then you're not doing it right.
-As sort of an add-on to the above, I think Hobie and Gwen were hinted as having dated during Gwen's time working under Miguel? Which like... why? Literally why. It made no sense and did nothing for the characters or their relationship, they could easily just be friends and nothing would change. This plot point was also never mentioned again after its initial reveal (from Pavitr to cause "drama" for Miles I think) and quite literally nothing came of it. No drama (thank fuck cause that was not what I or anyone went to this movie for), no development, nothing. It was just thrown in and never used. So uh... yeah, don't do that. Thanks.
Final Thoughts:
Across the Spider-Verse was definitely a step-up from the first movie, I was far more engaged and I found very little to criticize from it. Animation, music score, characters, all 10/10, and above all, its action sequences kicked ass and restored the good name of the superhero genre. Watch this movie, and I highly recommend doing so in theaters because it is a perfect example of how movies are not just entertainment, but an experience to remember.
#let me know any cool details you liked#honest to god cannot remember the last movie I saw where the pacing hit so well for me#obsessed with this franchise and I will be so annoying when Beyond drops#review blurbs#spiderman: across the spiderverse#across the spiderverse#across the spiderverse spoilers#atsp#atsp spoilers#miles morales#gwen stacy#miguel o'hara#jessica drew#pavitr prabhakar#hobie brown#margo kess
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some gender stuff (vent post) tw: sa mention
to he honest, it's still hard for me to call myself nonbinary and trans. although I've always felt discomfort with my assigned gender and in the last couple of years it became much more noticeable for me, it still feels like I'm lying and I'm just an overthinking cis girl. maybe I really am, and it's just internalized misogyny or my attempt to avoid reality because I was sexually assaulted as a child, but I don't know.
my best friend came out as a trans a few years ago, and he's always been an example of the 'real transness' for me, because he was severely dysphoric since he was a child. I don't know if I am dysphoric or not. I don't love my body and can't and don't want to accept the fact that I was born as a 'woman', but what if it's just me not accepting myself at all? what if I am really a girl, and I just made everything up in my head?
the problem is, I feel really happy calling myself this way. it just... correlates with my feelings, with my perception of self: when I look in the mirror I don't see a girl, I see someone who is free from the binary. I've never felt this happiness when trying to be a 'real woman'; even when I was a r*dfem (the cursed era of my life, I was an edgy teenager) I had a hard time connecting with other women and womanhood in general. it just felt... off, as if I tried to put myself in a certain role, I guess. but this community had its impact on me, so... you see, it's still hard for me to call myself a trans.
maybe I just need therapy.
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Sex - Gender Identity - Gender Presentation - Gender Interpretation - Sexuality
These 5 categories make up how we understand sex, gender, "queer" and "non-queer" people. Queer itself, is a label applied to queer looking people by *non-queer-people*. Hence the effort to "reclaim" it by people who actually identify as queer, and the efforts to stop its use against people who do not.
Sex makes up the physical sexual characteristics of a person. This mostly affects physical sexual characteristics (whatever P* you got assigned) and secondary sexual characteristics, which may or may not be affected to a degree by whichever sex hormone runs typically through your veins.
But to a greater or lesser extent, it really only affects facial hair, and maybe how fast you gain non-lean muscle. If this was a 100% certainty, Alex Jones wouldn't be making bank on selling supplements to people that look like him.
Which, those things can also just be affected by your protein intake.
Gender Identity is the gender your brain mass identifies closest too. And can affect your subconscious behaviors and mannerisms. Closeted trans people tend to have to consciously perform actions based on how feminine or masculine they are. Which isn't always the case, and is also a part of etiquette in highbrow society.
Gender Presentation is how a person presents themselves. Not only with mannerisms as described above, but clothes, makeup, behaviors and activities.
Many people chose which hobbies to engage in, not whether or not they enjoy them, but based on their correlation with the appropriate thing for a specific gender to do.
That's why most every boy scout turns out to be closeted. And why most straight boys never join boy scouts. Most queer boys are taught to be more masculine/feminine because they lack in the masculinity department. And "straight boys" are often described doing "boys will be boys" things.
Gender Interpretation starts with what I just said about boys being taught to be more manly when they appear to not be. This has nothing to do with the individual, instead, it's a category placed onto a person.
This happens in a lot of places, and affects non-trans non-queer people at the same rates as trans and queer people. Anytime somebody doesn't look manly or womanly enough, or when a person gets "tricked" because the person they were sexually interested in wasn't what they thought they were.
And that ties in directly with Sexuality. As children we're ingrained with "boy meets girl" or rather "PE meets VA". But that's not something you can be 100% certain of *without* getting naked. Looking the part only gets you so far of course.
And unreasonably, or irrationally, if a person (usually a cis man) falls for (as in falls in love) a woman, only to find out that they are not a woman, or worse; a trans woman. They have an existential break down.
Instead of just saying "I do not consent with this" they instead feel how a woman feels when she's forced into having sex with a man she doesn't like.
Like, he's got this far, there's no backing out, unless He Kills Them...
That, is an irrational reaction to seeing something you don't agree with. (A woman with a D* or a Man with a V*.) Instead of just being like *nope I'm out*.
Or feeling like you were the one lied to and saying your time with somebody you *thought* could get, or could get you, pregnant.
Even though most Men just ghost when they hear that news.
Don't wanna get anybody pregnant, get offended when they fall in love with someone who can't get pregnant.
Sorry intersex and infertile people. I'm totally stepping on your territory here. They do get the shortest stick of all though. They don't even get to be in the properly gendered category*ever*. And have to figure out themselves what they are
Worse, they might be assigned sexual characteristics based on what their parents want their child to be (even if it's not viable.) So not only do they get f* by God, they get f* by their parents and the doctor that was present when they were born, and they get erased completely from every facet of life, except for their appearance.
And their whole existence is based on gender Interpretation, and never who they actually might be.
Seriously. Same though.
I'd give you my working bits if that was a possibility.
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Re your post about forcefem, sissy porn, and detrans kink - I'm an FtM with a solely fantasy forcefem or detrans kink, about 5 yrs on T with no intent of actually detransitioning.
Some of the impetus for the detrans kink seems heavily correlated, to me, with the same emotions around cis men who have sissy etc kinks. Feeling like a failed man in some way, wanting to be sexually desired by a partner he sexually desires in return, that sort of thing. Obviously also the same idea as SPH, but with the added dimension of having, well, no penis. I would also compare detrans kink to noncon or rape or ravishment kinks that a surprising (IMO) number of cis women have. You're probably familiar with fanfic and bodice ripping romance novels if you've spent time on Tumblr or bored out of your skull at the grocery store checkout. It's a fantasy that erases the in between steps and minutiae and consent negotiation of actually setting up e.g. a relationship with a hot bachelor billionaire and skips right to the "what if my new boyfriend paid off my mortgage AND he could fuck for hours" bit.
Society tends to assume passing trans men are cis - which is the goal most of the time in daily life - but it can get awkward when trying to date. Lots of coming out, answering questions, partners not knowing what to ask, partners not knowing how to treat you, etc. It can be freeing to think about a sexual encounter where there's no awkwardness, no pussyfooting around, no explaining medical transition when you'd rather be fucking. Just a partner realizing you're trans, instantly being attracted to you, instantly taking what they want (and what you want, in the fantasy) without all the nonsense. This is often connected with the SPH, humiliation, and forcefem sphere of kink as well, of course.
Sorry about the essay in your inbox about a post whose age I absolutely did not check lol
The post is kinda old, but that’s OK! Yours and other replies seem to strongly correlate and it’s really helping me understand the nature of this particular kink, which I find very interesting. Human sexuality is so diverse.
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WELCOME TO VALENTINESIE'S PAGE!!
Gaybian lesboy aroace agender gothic, aroace omni sapphic, lazy decked (devils candy) turigirl icons, circled and bordered, horsegender gay, bunnygender gay flags with soft colours, bipan lesboy, Butch/futch/femme gaybian, techcore gaybian,
about, byf, dni ; under the cut!
‹𝟹‹𝟹‹𝟹 ABOUT valentine
◟◟001. the names! !
You can call me Valentine, Sephiroth, or Caelian (kah-eh-lian) I will always answer to those! more here
◟◟002. the head! !
Attention! I am borderline and histrionic, which are commonly tied together. I also have autism && generalized anxiety disorder, linked with paranoid personality disorder!
◟◟003. the identity! !
My pronouns are here. I'm a femme girlboyflux abro bisexual velaurian! I'm also a lesboy, a turigirl and much more! Otherkin stuff includes but is not limited to: angelkin, idolkin, vampkin && more
◟◟004. likeslikes! !
Psycology, sociology, philosophy, typology, sciences, mathematics, writing, poems, reading, literature, hoarding stuff, nge, ff7, tloz, cute stuff, hello kitty, and much more!
‹𝟹‹𝟹‹𝟹 ABOUT the blog
◟◟001. will do! !
⠀⋆˒ xenogenders coining
⠀⋆˒ flag making
⠀⋆˒ flag combos
⠀⋆˒ names, pronouns or titles finds
⠀⋆˒ radinclu stuff
⠀⋆˒ Icons (♡)(♡)(♡)
◟◟002. won't do! !
⠀⋆˒ radqueer/transx stuff
⠀⋆˒ exclu, panphobic, blerf, terf, radfem flags
⋆˒ "x hating" flag
⠀⋆˒ overall stuff that fits my dni
⠀⋆˒ system / plural stuff! (I'm a singlet so...)
◟◟003. Byf! !
I love to defend the things I appreciate or enjoy!
I am autistic and borderline, I struggle reading tones and tend to take everything, too personally. It's nothing against anyone! If I get agressive, for a reason that might be futile, just kindly tell me!
If you block me, I might ask why. Not knowing the reasons makes me really anxious. I aspire to improve myself and so, I need to know what made you block me.
If I repost someone, it doesn't mean I support their whole blog, it just means this post somehow correlates to my opinion or to what I like. Naturally, I won't repost it if I knows the person dni && fit it.
Anyone can use my flags, just be respectful and credit me. My flags don't "support" nor "don't support" anything. Me making them has nothing to do with queer discourse.
Don't be rude, when I say something, it means I have arguments and reasons. Instead of randomly bashing me at the smallest things, ask for explanations! I'll kindly share them.
I support "contradictory" labels, this includes but is not limited to: mspec lesbian, mspec gay, lesboys, turigirls, trans women gays, trans men lesbian, etc!
◟◟004. Dni! !
If you are anti-mogai or think xenos/neos aren't valid.
If you think non-binaries can't be gay/lesbians or if you don't support he/him lesbians or she/her gays.
If you do not support "contradictory labels"
If you fakeclaim.
Against otherkin, non-humans, therian, etc!
Doesn't support self dx.
Dmsp, South park, fnaf and genshin fans, unless I follow first.
Pedos, shotacons, lolicons, maps, proshippers, etc or anyone who support those!
If you demonize the cluster b (npd, bpd, hpd, aspd) and this includes if you belive that narcissistic abuse exist.
Under 13, unless I follow first.
If you are pro-contact paraphilia.
Don't cw/tw
If you're going to judge me or mock me/my interests.
Exclus or "Safequeers" ("inclusive" term that excludes mspec lesbians/gays and lesboys/turigirls && more.
Transmeds, transcums, gender skeptics, gender police, etc.
Anti-ageres.
Any kind of bigot.
‹𝟹‹𝟹‹𝟹 ABOUT the tags
ᨳ🎀﹕the prinzessin herself ﹕ my hoard!
ᨳ💌﹕a letter from the citizens ﹕ inbox!
ᨳ🦇﹕the winged one speaks ﹕ text posts!
ᨳ🌹﹕a gift for one's subject ﹕ coinning post!
ᨳ🐈⬛﹕rise the flag ﹕ flag making!
ᨳ🍓﹕prinzessin help usᵎ﹕ prns && name finds!
ᨳ💗﹕subject's portrait﹕icons ^_^
#pinned intro#pride flags#rad inclus#mspec lesbian#mogaireal#mogai safe#coining blog#ᨳ🎀﹕the prinzessin herself#ᨳ💌﹕a letter from the citizens#ᨳ🦇﹕the winged one speaks#ᨳ🌹﹕a gift for one's subject#ᨳ🐈⬛﹕rise the flag#ᨳ🍓﹕prinzessin help usᵎ#ᨳ💗﹕subject's portrait
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Hi! I loved Adamandi. However I spent the whole time not realising Ambrose was trans and thinking he was just insecure about having a small dick. But it was great! I'm just really stupid!
You aren't the only one! It's honestly been really surprising to me how many people didn't initially realize Ambrose is trans- when I was writing Adamandi I thought it was obvious (or even too obvious! I thought if anything it would be critiqued for being too on-the-nose.) Someone on the creative team initially suggested hanging a binder in Ambrose's room to make it super explicit, but I thought it was so evident I waved them away... maybe it would've been a good idea!
[Little writing musings on this under the cut]
I think from what I've observed of the fandom, the confusion tends to stem from a script inconsistency on our part. We kind of vacillated on the the historicity of our language in this draft; on the one hand, there are some scenes (like the interviews) where we followed our past-filtered-through-the-present ethos, in which we ask the audience to play along with 1930s college students (for example) using he/they pronouns even though it's unlikely people from that time period did. In these scenes, we decided to use modern day language to quickly signal kinds of queerness that definitely existed back then, but were described and articulated through different language than that which would be recognizable to our audience (and also it really frustrates me when people get the pronouns of a character wrong, especially a trans character, so it was a little bit of a "here! There's NO excuse!" kind of thing lol)
However, there are other scenes where I tried to go for a more timeless and ambiguous description - for example, Ambrose and Vincent's conversation that touches on dysphoria during Me, Myself, and I (MAKE A BODY YOU CAN LIVE WITH/ AND LIVE IN IT etc) had the actual word "trans" in it when I first started laying out lyrics, but I ended up rewriting it both because I felt like it was too imprecise for the emotional intensity of the moment and because I wanted to try and capture more of how Vincent and Ambrose would have talked about it at the time- not with labels but with details about how they individually understand their relationships to masculinity and the desire of that masculinity. However, I can also see how this ambiguity made other interpretations seem plausible (e.g. that they're only talking about Ambrose's project- they're not not talking about it, but it is both independent of and intimately bound up with Ambrose's gender). This something we'll be coming down on one side or the other in the next draft- probably on the side of 1930s-ing all the language and using contextual clues to signal to the audience what modern-day identities they might correlate with!
#thanks for asking!#asks#adamandi#ambrose wellington bassford#vincent aurelius lin#(kinda nsfw. for the word peanus. sorry gang)#cw dysphoria
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