#i'm still constantly terrified i'm going to be bad at it and get fired or told off in a way that makes me feel really shitty about myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

katya-goncharov · 1 year

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I really hope my mental health taking a massive downward spiral every single evening before I have to go to work isn't going to last, but we shall see...

#i'm still constantly terrified i'm going to be bad at it and get fired or told off in a way that makes me feel really shitty about myself #and at the moment people are being nice to me but i'm also so scared that once they realise how bad i am at talking to people they'll stop #trying to make conversation with me and just ignore me and i'll become more and more isolated #mostly because that's exactly what happened last time i worked #and ugh it's just so far out of my comfort zone and out of my depth and i don't know how things are going to end up or if i can even handle #a job and it's just. scary. literally i've felt sick so many times this week as well just from stressing about it #i just did not expect the anxiety around it to affect me so badly mentally. even on the days i'm NOT working #i guess i have more issues around working than i thought i did #and probably this is the point where i'd think i should go back to therapy. but no way can i afford that and no way can i emotionally #handle the extra hours i'd have to work to pay for that #it's just... all a bit overwhelming right now.#emma vents

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ashwhowrites · 1 year

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eddie x reader

they have a fight and he gets so upset that she ends up getting hurt really bad he sees it and when she starts crying he tells her shes being dramatic not knowing the damage(falling and hitting her head hard )

shes bleeding everywhere

wayne hears everything so he comes inside

when eddie locks himself in the room

wayne helps her clean herself up

but shes still crying and he realizes hes all bloody and that she needs to go to the hospital bcuz shes slipping in and out of consciousness , wayne starts crying and begging for u to stay with him & eddie hears all confused

he comes out of the room and when he sees everything hes shocked and doesn’t know what to do but he starts blaming himself

they take u to the hospital and u tell eddie u forgive him & that its not his fault before u go into surgery

wayne gives eddie a stern talk and he cries but he knows when u wake up he will never fight with u again

For sure

⚠️ warning of injured reader. Eddie does not abuse her on purpose! But he is still definitely an asshole. And definitely toxic

Not proofread

Y/N and Eddie were caught in their third argument of the week. It seemed every time they got alone it ended with her screaming, and not in the good way anymore.

She has no idea what happened to them. They went from shy kisses, dirty whisperers, and making love to glares, harsh words, and pure hatred. She didn't know if it was her that caused this drift or if it was him.

~~

"EDDIE JUST STOP SCREAMING AT ME!" she cried out. She couldn't handle him constantly screaming at her. He never was calm with her anymore. He used to never scream at her or make her cry.

He used to hate making her cry. He used to drop to his knees and wipe her tears away. But now it's like he had a sick game of seeing how many tears her eyes could hold.

"THEN LISTEN TO ME!" he screamed in her face. Throwing his hands in his hair. He was breathing fast and harshly. His nose was flaring and he felt like he was standing on fire.

"I AM. I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO YOU. WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?" she sobbed harder. Crying so hard she choked and coughed

"just stop fucking crying" he rolled his eyes. He was tired of her being such a victim. He'd say one thing and her eyes are already flowing with tears.

"I'm trying, asshole" she bit back. Whipping her eyes as fast as she could. Her skin felt raw from the scraping of her clothes on her sensitive skin.

"I need a second" he sighed

She grabbed his hand fast, "no Eddie. You can't just walk away. Nothing will be resolved"

He yanked his hand out of her grip, with way more force than he intended. Shoving his shoulder into her as he headed for his bedroom.

When he yanked his hand out of her grip, he slightly knocked her off balance but the shove to the shoulder took her off of her feet. She whimpered as her body fell, her head smacking on the coffee table nearby. She sobbed harder as she held her head. Her vision went blurry in seconds. Panic rising in her chest instantly.

"Eddie. Wait please" she sobbed.

He sighed as he heard her crying... again.

He turned around to see her holding her head and sobbing on the floor.

"stop being so fucking dramatic. Nothing to cry about" he lashed out, slamming his bedroom door shut. He needed just a few seconds to breathe.

~~

The panic got worse. She was so scared. She could feel her hand was wet and had a feeling it was blood. She screamed for Eddie as much as her sobs would let her. Freaking out as his door never opened.

"woah hey hey" Wayne came out in seconds. He wanted to give the two privacy to deal with whatever issues they had. Eddie always walked away from fights so her screaming after him wasn't new. But the fear in her voice caused Wayne to act fast. She sounded terrified.

Wayne dropped to his knees and cradled her head

"my head" she cried softly. Her body was already growing tired

"okay let me see" he tried to hold in his gasp as he saw the blood underneath her head. Her hand was covered in deep red and her hair was matted together.

"did you hit it?" He asked fast, unbuttoning his flannel and bunching it under head to soak up the blood

"he...he accidentally pushed me....and I lost... balance... hurts "

Wayne panicked as her words got further apart

"hey now. Stay awake okay!" Tapping her cheek softly

Her eyes blinking rapidly

"I can't Wayne. It's too hard"

He watched as she kept trying to keep her eyes open but failing repeatedly

"EDWARD MUNSON" Wayne screamed as loud as he could

"HEY YOU NEED TO LOOK AT ME" he screamed in her face. Trying to get her attention on him. Clapping his hands in front of her but getting no reaction

~~

Eddie sighed as he heard his name being screamed. Figuring he was getting a lecture he planned to ignore it until he heard Wayne screaming in panic.

Eddie raced out of the door to see Y/N's body not moving and Wayne shaking the hell out of her.

"woah what the fuck" Eddie said fast, racing next to her body as he dropped on his knees.

"CALL 911 NOW" Wayne screamed again. Still moving her head side to side.

Eddie nodded fast, dialing as fast as his fingers could

Shaking as he looked at her not moving. He did that. He didn't stop when she asked, he didn't stay when she asked, and he didn't come back when she screamed for him.

~~

Eddie felt sick. Pacing in the white hallway as he bit his nails

"she's awake and we are taking her into surgery" The doctor said as he began to wheel out her bed

Eddie ran to her side immediately, wet eyes as he looked at her puffy red eyes. Cupping her cheeks

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I can't believe I'm just like him" he sobbed

"no you're not. You aren't him. You didn't purposely shove me. It's okay. It's not your fault. We'll talk when I'm out of surgery. It's okay, Eds. I'm okay" she said softly. Patting his hand as the doctor wheeled her bed into the surgery room.

"we need to talk Edward."

Eddie nodded as Wayne stood behind him. A hand on his shoulder.

~~

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to never be so cruel to her"

Wayne watched as Eddie sobbed into his hands, sitting in the uncomfortable chair.

"I don't know either. But I didn't raise you to be just like him" Wayne said sternly

"fuck, I know" Eddie knew exactly who Wayne was talking about. He turned into his dad in a blink of an eye

He didn't physically abuse her but he hurt her. He didn't take care of her anymore. He made her cry and physically put her in the hospital.

"then shape up Edward. I'm not listening to you scream at her for no reason. She has no reason to stay with you. You don't give her any reason why you are worth it anymore. But yet she is still here because she loves you. You are blowing it. Fix yourself and fix the mess you made. Or let her go. She doesn't deserve this."

Eddie nodded. He agreed with everything Wayne said. He knew he was days away from when she walked out the door and didn't bother to come back.

And for some reason she always did. He needed to show he loved her. He needed to fix himself. And once she woke up from surgery, and back home.

He planned to fix every single thing.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie stranger things #eddie munson angst #eddie munson request #eddie munson angst x reader #eddie munson x female reader

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vickblom · 3 months

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💫✨️Another personal astro observation (thanks to my students): Sun, Moon, and Asc ft. Mercury Notes 📚📝

**disclaimer - these are all my observations based on 5+ years of teaching

Do you know what an astro-oreo is? Maybe astroreo?

My students and I who have sun and asc opposite moon!

It's a term we use because of a speech competition, as OREO is used for a logical structure in ESL for the country I teach in, along with the cookie (which is very useful for my students to make the O sound).

My students and I who say this term:

Student 1 - Aries sun, Libra moon, Aries asc

Student 2 - Taurus sun, Scorpio moon, Taurus asc

Student 3 - Pisces sun, Virgo moon, Pisces asc

Me (teacher/speech coach) - Cancer sun, Capricorn moon, Cancer asc (relocation asc in Capricorn)

Now for the other notes:

♡ Saturn-dominant folks attract each other as they age.

♡ Most aggressively nurturing students and colleagues all have Aries sun or Cancer sun.

♡ Scorpio moon with Capricorn ascendant students are often the hardest working and most misunderstood.

♡ Prominent Cancer placements give my students much more emotional intelligence than most peers. However, many easily fall behind in academics due to caring for others. I was the same way.

♡ My students with prominent Pisces placements go through hell and back, still with a smile and shy nature. I'm constantly amazed at their resiliency.

♡ My Scorpio moon/Sagittarius moon students keep me on my feet. They have more mood swings than any water placement folks I work with.

♡ My Sagittarius dominant students aren't afraid to debate my colleagues or myself. One student is the exception. However if you give a teacher a bad report on them (i.e. a bad grade for a presentation or skipping class), the evil eye comes out. Then comes sickness on my end.

♡ My Sagittarius asc students act goofy until they get ready to graduate. Some keep it in until university/college. Then, their real colors and desires come out quicker than flowers in spring.

♡ Most of my students are terrified of every Aries sun teacher. The most misunderstood teachers are Virgo sun and Aquarius sun teachers.

♡ Students generally respect Libra sun and asc teachers but in the realm of colleagues—Student-wise, they are often the ones who can sleep through class and still ace an exam.

♡ Libra sun and asc colleagues are infuriating. They have a widespread reputation for saying something is good, which is preceeded by an extremely long roast of an individual's ability, qualifications, and motivation.

♡ The most popular youngest and oldest teachers all have Gemini stelliums.

♡ My students with Aries degree ascendants are the most argumentative. It doesn't matter what their sun or moon is, and I swear an Aries degree brings fire even to the most mellow placements.

♡ Capricorn moon students are the most sleep-deprived students who are the least likely to admit it.

♡ Capricorn and Virgo mercuries confuse me the most as colleagues and make the most sense to me as students.

♡ Aries moon and Virgo moon students have the strongest snack game.

♡ Aquarius sun students are known for being "out there" and Aquarius moon students say or ask the most random stuff in class.

♡ Cancer moons and Taurus moons are the most likely to daydream and obsess over someday leaving their hometown forever. However, they're the most likely to either stay or come back suddenly.

♡ For teachers: be very careful with folks of your preferred gender, primarily 5th, 8th, and 12th house placements. Students (even colleagues) with these placements might give you the "shark stare," aka the very uncomfortable stare.

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kingmagnificoofrosas · 27 days

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It really hurts me how bad this poor man was treated and still is by Disney and some empathy and compassion lacking, not-thinking peewees.

My biggest rant post in cooperation with Magnificolover from Insta is still cooking. And let me tell you, it's gonna be spicy, blunt and long.

Mags might be the star of the show but this topic goes beyond him.

Furthermore, I keep hearing that more and more children are siding with Magnifico. Children!! My people!

Now, teens and adults hating and shitting on Mags because they cannot see past the rim of their plate of narrow-mindedness is one issue by itself, but you know something is seriously wrong when children tell you "But he isn't a villian at all!" But the the others around him! And yes, like him a bunch more than Asha.

I know that disney intented to create a nice story with another lovable heroine but instead we got a deeply traumatized, altruistic man, who, despite his great pain, built an untopia just for the reason so others would never have to suffer like he did. He constantly gave, cared more for others than himself, only wanted love and some respect in return. But got none of that! He didn't get love, he was constantly kicked and picked at his scars. He's not being taken serious, and only ever seen as a source for favors and a scapegoat. No one was ever there for him. He had no one! Not even a sidekick! No one ever saw and heard him, took him into their arms and let him breathe. This man struggled and drowned and people watched, worse even pushed him down further!

And worse of all, he was pushed to the point of mental breakdown, where he was so terrified and done that he got himself cursed and possessed by an evil force. And then the people who had gotten everything from him and still treated him like shit locked him up to suffer even more for eternity?

This is so so wrong! What the actual frick! My God! The whole movie is a horror show! Magnificolover and I have been fighting for Mags and against this toxic shitshow that disney pulled for over six months now and we won't stop!

If someone really takes the time to carefully read our analyses (which are explained down to the tiniest nitty gritty detail) and still sees Magnifico as a villain ( purely evil person/being) then there is something seriously wrong with them! Why are such people and disney acting like heartless monsters?

We don't want that! You think something like this is fun to watch? Seeing a broken man getting broken even further because people are greedy, ignorant and selfish is not fun! This is horrible! It's sickening to stomach if anything!

This doesn't celebrate everything good that disney has stood for those past 10 decates! It spits at it and in the faces of everyone who truly loved the content this company has given in the past.

You want a real villain? MAKE ONE! For goodness sake! But not, whatever the obnoxious toxcitity shit, that happened with Magnifico.

We hate it! I hate it!

If I could sing one song to Magnifico, it would be this from Lewis Capaldi :

In the moment you feel half complete

Know the moments are temporary

When the fear fuels the fire underneath

I'm gonna love the hell out of you

Take all the pain that you're going through

And I'll bring you heaven if that's what you need

'Cause you've always loved the hell out of me

You don't want him? Fine! I'll take him and not give him back ever again! If someone cannot see this man is a jackpot on two legs that's their problem not mine.

Magnifico is many things but most definitly not : a villain, a bad person and a sextoy.

#rant post #venting post #king magnifico #team magnifico #magnifico defenders #king magnifico isn't a villain

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comicaurora · 1 year

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As a fan of D&D and animated shows, have you been keeping up with the legend of vox machina?

Yea! I haven't seen the very latest episode yet but I've watched the first five.

I continue to enjoy how it's treating the original game as a first draft and doing some rearrangements in the adaptation to improve pacing, flow, and general sense-making - like how Vax's extremely busted Boots of Speed have been integrated into the functionality of his god-champion-artifact armor, and why they changed Vex's near-death experience last season to Keyleth taking the bullet for her because Vex's actual-death experience this season was going to be very important story-wise but mechanically played out very similarly to the first one (one-shotted by dark magic in an area that suppresses magical healing) and having it happen twice would've weakened the impact. Personally I think in an ideal world we'd be getting a lot more time per season to let the characters breathe - the pacing of the original series is frankly very slow, bordering on unwatchable for certain attention spans, but the pacing of this season is kinda breakneck in comparison and characters are getting big upgrades and moments of revelation quite often, which isn't bad but feels like it could have a little more punch if they had a longer windup. Still, that's the nature of the level-based beast and it's not a complaint, just a little tickle in the back of my head.

The animation continues to be gorgeous, and while the 2D-3D blending of the visuals feels a little weird sometimes, I think it works in-story that the 3D-rendered dragons look very different to everyone around them, since it makes them feel more otherworldly and terrifying. I also like that they don't really look like their Official D&D Counterparts, and the way they've respec'd their breath weapons into things like "wings constantly leaking acid" is really neat.

I also think the way they've shifted the magic system is very interesting. D&D has extremely hard-magic rules on who can cast what spells at what time based on what they know or have prepared. The show dials that way back and treats it a little more hand-wavey, though they'll still hint at the spell slot system with casters being like "sorry I'm out of juice" or "I think I can only do it once a day" which is cute. But this shift to a softer magic system does mean the more versatile casters, mostly Keyleth, seem like they can kind of just do anything depending on the needs of the scene - which is obviously not what is mechanically happening, but because we can't see her spell list or class features it's kind of what it feels like. She has all the standard element-manipulation and druid shapeshifting/treehugging stuff, but we also see her bust out the power of the sun and turn into a giant fire monster, which doesn't feel quite as connected to the rest of her powerset - it makes sense if you squint, but in the moment there's a little lurch of "where did THAT come from?" Now that's not bad writing on the show's part, it's a holdover from the inconsistency of D&D's spell lists. It DOES feel weird that a wind magic specialist could cast Sunbeam just because they hit level 11. Narratively what this indicates is that Keyleth is frankly ridiculously reality-warpingly powerful and doesn't really know her own strength yet, which is top-notch characterization and very consistently demonstrated in-show, but it does invite that one storytelling bugaboo of "how are the heroes gonna solve this one? …………magic." It's subletting a townhouse in the suburbs of The Power Was Within You All Along.

Overall really liking it so far!

#asks #not aurora #media recs

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darkyanderesworld · 5 months

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Blood and gold 3

Part 1 part 2

T/w: mild gore, blood, death, platonic yandere stuff, abandonment issues

I was supporting Tanigaki as we were walking. His leg was still causing him trouble. Because we were rushing, he couldn't properly cover our tracks, so I was constantly looking around, scared that we might be spotted. I was lost in my thoughts before tuged me to go in a certain direction. "Walk In the Bears' footsteps." He said sternly. I did as I was told, but if we're walking in the same direction of the bear tracks, could we run into a bear? I tried not to think about it too much. "Do you think they'll find us?" I asked in a shaky voice. Tanigaki pulled me into a hug, trying to confort me. "We are going to be fine. Just do what you're told." Then we continued to follow the tracks until we found a half buried dear. "I'm going to set up a trap. You find a good place we can hide and get a good view of the deer." I nodded and walked around, looking for someplace that isn't too close or too far. I eventually found a place that could hide both of us. I couldn't help but think what the trap was going to do, but if this could keep us alive, we need to do it. By now, the sun has fallen, and it has gotten really cold, which left me shivering and alone. I couldn't see much, so when I felt someone touch me, I screamed, but my mouth was covered quickly. "Shhhh, it's me calm down." He kept his hand over my mouth for a few seconds before letting go, then pulling me into his lap while wrapping his cloak around me. "We need to keep warm." He said, holding me tightly against him. It was warm, but I didn't like being held, so I started to squirm. Which didn't make him budge, so I just gave up, and we stayed like this until daybreak. Tanigaki set up a fire near the deer, and it eventually caught the attention of the two men. The soldier who walked up to the fire was the one who had his hands on Huci.

I had no idea what Tanigaki had planned, and I kinda felt bad for the man. But out of nowhere, a bear came out and attacked the man, I was about to scream, but my mouth was covered again. The sight of him being mauled terrified me his blood stained the snow around him red. His screams of pain and for help didn't help either. At least i knew what the other soldier's name was 'ogata.' I'll remember that. Ogata did eventually shoot the bear, and that allowed Tanigaki to find him and shoot him. I covered my eyes so I didn't have to see it. Soon, i felt arms wrap around me and held me tightly. "Everything Is going to be alright. If we didn't kill them, they would've killed us." Tanigaki said softly. It was kinda comforting, but It wouldn't get the image of the blood out of my head. A voice interrupted us, and I quickly grabbed my gun, but Tanigaki stopped me. "Don't move!" However, Tanigaki seemed to know this person. But I didn't listen to their conversation. I didn't care. Though it was nice to be around someone friendly. "Who Is this? Is she your sister?" The man was talking about me, and before I said anything, Tanigaki answered. "Yes, she is my sister. She came to check on me." That answer seemed to satisfy the man, and he talked about us coming with him to talk to lieutenant tsurumi. Tanigaki seemed hesitant about it, and the soldier noticed. "Tanigaki, what's wro-" before he could finish, he was shot in the head. Tanigaki didn't bother to try and cover my cry of fear, probably because we weren't in as much danger. we quickly rushed back to asirpa's village, not staying around too long. When we returned, Huci and osoma were happy to see us. He ran up to me and hugged me tightly.

"(Y/n)! You're back!" He yelled. I honestly wasn't too enthusiastic. What happened earlier had just made me tired. Huci allowed me to sleep in the common room next to Tanigaki, I was too terrified to be alone. I lay next to him with my head in his lap, and he ran his hands through my hair. Though I couldn't get much sleep, the images of the dying men plagued my mind. Tanigaki felt bad for doing this to me, so he tried his best to comfort me. After a few days, sugimoto, asirpa, and shiraishi returned. It was nice to see that they were alright, though they could tell something was off about me. "Is everything alright (y/n)?" asirpa asked, walking up to me. I didn't want to tell them about what happened. "Just tired, I couldn't get much sleep." I said half lying. I wasn't able to sleep much. I then noticed the new man in the room asirpa quickly answered before I could ask. "This is my father's old friend Kiroranke." He gave me a friendly smile. "I assume you're asirpas friend." I nodded as everyone got comfortable. Tanigaki was on my left, and sugimoto was on my right. it was clear to me that sugimoto didn't want Tanigaki close to me, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, holding me close. I didn't pay much attention as they talked about getting to abashiri prison. "Hey, are we taking (y/n) with us, or are we leaving her behind again?" Shiraishi asked, which started to get me worried, I didn't want to be left behind again. "Well, if I'm not going with you guys, I might as well leave. There's no point if I just stay here all the time." What I said seemed to make a few of them tense up, but sugimoto quickly answered. "No, you're coming with us." This had made me happy I'm not being left behind again!

We were going to leave in the morning, so I tried to get some sleep even if it wasn't much. This time, I rested my head on sugimoto's lap. Tanigaki wasn't too happy with this, but he couldn't do much as he didn't want to disturb me. My nightmare was a bit more tolerable compared to the last few nights, so I got more rest. In the morning, we got ready to leave, but Tanigaki wasn't joining us, I walked over to say goodbye. "See you soon!" I said, sounding excited, and he patted my head affectionately before we left for Sapporo. When we got there, most of the group headed over to a gun shop. I stayed outside, not wanting to be around more guns, and asirpa joined me. "Are you alright? Why do you always avoid guns?" She asked me. "I dislike the loud noises, but I can tolerate them if I need to. So I avoid guns." I said honestly, not wanting to lie, asirpa nodded like she understood. I'd assume she would as she typically uses a bow and arrows. Soon enough, the rest of the group joined us. "There is a hotel nearby we are going to rest there for now." Kiroranke said softly. Was he eavesdropping? Though I couldn't accuse him of anything just yet, I needed to wait. When we entered it looked very nice never been in a place like this though I could feel something was off so I held onto sugimoto's jacket for a form of comfort he quickly noticed this and held me close to his. "Is she your daughter?" I sweet lady's voice came from the top of the stairs. Before I could respond, Kiroranke spoke up. "No, I'm her father. That's just her friend." I was confused. Why did he claim me as his daughter. Heck, why was almost everyone acting overprotective? Did I have something they wanted? I was too lost in thought, and everyone noticed it. "(Y/n) are you alright?"

Shiraishi asked, snapping his fingers in front of my face that quickly snapped me back to reality. "Sorry..." I apologized in a small voice, I was very embarrassed. "Is this a common occurrence? She may need to see a doctor." The lady said before she started to lead us to our rooms they rented two rooms with two beds in each. Now, who do I stay with? Before i could say anything, Kiroranke put his hand on my shoulder. "She can stay with me." He said while smiling at me. I couldn't lie it felt nice to be wanted by someone. But sugimoto was clearly not happy and pulled me away. "She'll stay with us." He said while glaring at me. Things were tense for a bit, but Kiroranke just sighed. "Alright then." He sounded disappointed but didn't push it further. There was an awkward silence for a bit, so I just quickly walked off. However, asirpa followed after me. "(Y/n) are you alright?" She asked before I got to the door. "I'm just overwhelmed, that's all." Asirpa didn't seem less worried, but before she could say anything else, Kiroranke joined us. "What's wrong?" He sounded very worried, but I didn't want to be fully honest, I didn't want to push anyone away. Before they could question me further, a large man with a black suit came down the stairs. I froze as I recognized him. He was the one who chased shiraishi. I hid behind Kiroranke in fear he might recognize me. Both he and asirpa noticed this, though when I saw sugimoto walking down the stairs, I relaxed a bit. The man and sugimoto talked about judo before grabbing each other for a few seconds before letting go.

"I like you drinks on me." I was about to walk away until Kiroranke and asirpa pushed to the door. I internally cursed. I didn't want to be around this man. But I eventually followed them to a restaurant, I am a very picky eater, so I thought it was a bad idea. So when rice curry was put in front of me, I looked at it with apprehension. Asirpa joined in but for a different reason. "C'mon, you two, it's good." Sugimoto said, trying to get us to eat. Asirpa was the first to break and took a bite. She then looked defeated. "It's so hinna..." Sugimoto then looked at me, I wasn't going to budge any time soon, but both asirpa and sugimoto gave me a look that said they'll force feed me if necessary. So I took a bite it wasn't the best thing but I tolerated it, this satisfied both sugimoto and asirpa. Eventually alcohol came, and eventually, everyone but me got tipsy, except for me. I always hated alcohol but not for its taste. Though it was entertaining to watch the others have fun and asirpa grabbed the man's forehead mound thingy and tried to pull it off. I desperately wanted to run when they started to talk a dick stuff. It was very uncomfortable for me anyway, and everyone got up to leave. The man mentioned having the hotel owner waiting in his room. I left before he could go into more detail, though I tried to go somewhere away from the hotel. I was picked up by sugimoto before I could get far.

"It's time to go to bed (y/n)." I spoke like I was a baby. It irritated the hell out of me. He only put me down when we were in our room and set me down on the bed. I couldn't get far as he made me lay down next to me. He wasn't too close but enough to know if I moved. And things weren't helped when asirpa lay on my other side, sandwiching me so I couldn't escape. It was going to be a long night.

(A/n): Merry Christmas!

#platonic #platonic yandere #yandere platonic #golden kamuy

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greenorangevioletgrass · 2 years

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Rooster × actress!reader blurb week!!!!! I'm *very* interested in the blurb that goes with the Bruce Springsteen song (my dad and I love blasting Springsteen in the car) - previously not into rooster anon

aaah thank you guys so much!! this song is such a classic, and i would like to apologize in advance for bringing you Angst, but i hope you enjoy it anyway! ALSO! @shipping-not-sailing basically co-wrote this, she has a brilliant mind and the day she starts posting her fics will be the day y'all DIE an epic death <333

warnings: language, an argument, angst, allusions to trauma & trigger response, hurt/comfort, but they're fine i promise!!!

***

The first time you and Rooster fight (and really fight), he’s terrified it was the end.

He doesn’t even remember how it started. He’s had a bad day at work (a minor mistake that cost him an earful from his commanding officer), and now he’s getting another earful from you about slamming doors or stomping through the house or… something. The words are coming through, and he knows you’re right, but his head is pounding and his hands are going numb from the way he clenches and unclenches and he can’t take it anymore—

“Look. I hear you, okay? But you didn’t have to talk to me like I’m a child. A normal conversation would’ve been nice. Fuck knows I could use some of that today.”

The words aren’t cruel or threatening. Neither is the tone of his voice. But maybe it’s the way he grits it out through his teeth, or the way his muscular frame looms over you, imposing on your space in his little kitchen.

Or maybe it’s just the fact he looks so… angry.

It all happens so fast. The way you flinch back. Your shoulders tensing up. The flash of terror in your eyes.

Fuck.

“Sweetheart, I—”

You back away before he can touch your arms, hands tremulous —fearful, almost. “No, you’re right. I’m sorry. It was my fault,” you recede, moving away to the other side of the counter.

It doesn’t make any sense to him. One minute, you were dead sure that you were right, and then suddenly, you’re withdrawing from his touch and scurrying away from him so desperately. What has he done?

“I gotta, uh…” you look away, avoiding his gaze at all costs. “Dinner’s in the fridge. I’m going to bed.”

You turn on your heels, padding quietly upstairs while he stands frozen.

Every forkful of his dinner, delicious as you might’ve made it, feels like swallowing a boulder, and he has to constantly remind himself that he needs to eat, and you need to be alone for a moment. Both of you need time to cool off. So he finishes his meal and washes the dishes, wipes the counter, although every second feels like his reality is crumbling apart.

He survives an agonizing 22 minutes before he decides to climb up the stairs. The wood under his shoes creaks a little, and it grates in his ears over the quiet hallway.

The door is closed and he knocks. Softly. One, two. No answer. He knocks again. Once. He prays you don’t lock him out, because he might just collapse then and there. His knuckles grip the handle until they turn white, and when he turns it…

A sigh of relief as it gives and opens.

And there you are, curled up under the covers, wide awake, barely glancing as he walks through the threshold. As he makes his way over, and sits on the edge of the bed. He really shouldn’t be surprised to see your face tear-stained, your eyes distant, but it crushes him anyway.

“I fucked up, didn’t I.”

It doesn’t sound like a question, and you don’t make a peep to answer. Then again, your non-answer is an answer enough, no?

“I’m sorry.” He places a hand on the bend of your knee, over the sheets. Soft. Pleading. “I had a bad day, and that’s still not an excuse. I hurt you, and I’m sorry.”

You turn away upon hearing the crack in his voice, a sorry attempt to hide your tears. As if that’s still even possible.

His heart aches, but he offers it anyway. “Do you want me to take the couch tonight?” Please don’t make me go.

You pause for a moment, oh god she actually wants me to, before you eventually shake your head. He doesn’t know what’s worse; sleeping on the couch, or in the same bed knowing you hesitated before letting him in.

“Go shower and come to bed. It’s been a long day.”

He doesn’t know if it’s meant for you or him, or both, but your hand rests over his for a moment, soft and gentle and familiar, and he relishes in what little he can get.

There’s no time to waste. He gets out of his uniform as soon as the bathroom door clicks closed behind him, wasting no time lathering and rinsing and drying and dressing himself. As if afraid you’ll change your mind.

When he emerges from the bathroom, though, he is surprised to find you sitting up against the headboard, knees brought up to your chest. A little frown etched between your brows, the million thoughts visibly running through your head.

“Hey.” he smiles a little, slipping into his side of the bed. Close enough, while giving you as much space as you need. As much space as he can.

You straighten up, bracing yourself to speak your mind. “I am sorry, too.”

“Sweetheart, it’s not your fault—”

“No, listen to me.” you take his hand, firmly this time. “I’ve been in… certain situations that has fucked me up and,” you clear your throat, feeling it catch as memories come rushing in, “...made me react this way. It’s an issue, I’m aware of that, and I’m working on it. And I’m sorry I rattled you.”

He stares at you, silent. Confused. Upset. Not at you, but on behalf of you. For the first time since he’s known you, he sees you breaking at the cracks, trying so hard to keep it together. When you don’t have to. Not with him.

Not when he’s hanging on by a thread as it is.

“We’re gonna work through it together, alright? You don’t have to do it alone.” He kisses your knuckles, holding it like his life depends on it (it does.)

Your face crumbles, and tears come melting down your cheeks again. “I’m so tired…”

And in this exact moment, he breaks down, too. Please don’t end this I love you so much don’t make me go…

“Can we just go to sleep?” you whisper quietly, and he breathes again. Snagged and ragged and aching, but he’s breathing. “We’ll work through it tomorrow, but right now, just— please?”

“Of course, sweetheart…” he wipes your wet cheeks with his thumbs, nevermind that his own vision is blurred with his own tears. “C’mere. I got you.”

It’s almost… strange now, to feel you melt into his arms again. He keeps replaying the way you tense up when he reaches out to you. Thinking about what had happened to you, and who did it to you, and how could they get away with doing such an awful thing to someone as tough and intelligent and kind as you.

And that now, he’s added himself into the list of people who hurt you.

“Try to sleep, okay?” you gaze up at him, cupping his face with one hand. Mirroring his gesture earlier, thumbing away the trails of tears absently. Kissing his cheek and burying your face in his chest, the way you always sleep when you’re with him. “I love you.”

With his arm wrapped around you, nose buried in your hair, he eventually falls asleep as he replays this gentle reminder in his head over and over.

We still have tomorrow.

#the actress & the aviator #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw x actress!reader #rooster imagine #rooster x reader #rooster x actress!reader #ava writes #previously not into rooster anon

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organicfirewood · 1 month

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The Tortured Poet's Department (Katie's Version)

basically i'm liveblogging this as i listen. talking into the void; this is more for me to reflect back onto than a genuine critique of the album.

Most excited for: "Florida!!!" "Down Bad" & "WALOL?"

I'm hoping that this album will sonically resemble folklore and evermore... more acoustic, stripped-back, and raw. I'm still wondering about the "✌️" imagery and how that'll play into the album... maybe feeling two-faced or double-crossed?

Fortnight (feat. Post Malone) - ok... rehab. uh oh. swifties have been calling her a drunk for a while... but nobody ever took it seriously. this must be about a rebound... i don't want to say MH. ugh i loooove how this sounds. like a more sober midnights. no pun intended... sorry. post malone was honestly such a genius move for this song- his voice sounds very youthful paired with hers... hopeful.

2. The Tortured Poets Department - YESSS 80's into!!! god i love this instrumental so far. (I use a typewriter!!!) holy fuck nooooo this has the charlie puth lyric. more wedding references.

3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - ok. that charlie puth lyric left a bad taste in my mouth im trying to recover. i like that her vocal tone is a little darker here- would lower register apply for this? "he only runs because he loves me" real af i get you, queen. love that we've graduated to only having sandcastles instead of fortresses. these lyrics are also very ex-best-friend-coded... im projecting.

4. Down Bad - funkyyy okay. aww dun-dun-dun-dun! i wonder what mr kelce thought of all of this... oh, to be a fly on every single wall. yeah i like this one a lot. somehow also very 1989(tv ftv) coded. this sounds like denial into anger if we're still talking about the stages of grief. "like i lost my twin" is like "twin fire signs." i think she keeps seeing herself in her partners and feels abandoned when things don't work out.

5. So Long, London - ok intro eatssss down! this sounds like a driving-on-the-highway-song. i like how "talky" this is. it's very theatrical. this gives the sense that they (taylor and whoever this may be about) may have bonded over their sadness and the other party got upset when she started to heal. also, another reference to altars, but that may strictly be a religious metaphor.

6. But Daddy I Love Him - the intros are great. love the acoustic sounds. i really like this one a lot... this is a lot more whimsical and could almost fit on a Speak Now-style record. yeah, this is fantastic. such a quintessential Taylor Swift song. i'm terrified of how literally people (millennials on tiktok) are going to take this.

7. Fresh Out The Slammer - YUHHHH these intros!! ugh god i love a western motif. this is beautiful. this might be my favorite so far. i can't help but wonder what "time" she did. rehab, like previously alluded to? a rebound? a tortuous relationship? the period in a public career where one is constantly criticized and scrutinized? another ring mention.

8. Florida!!! (feat. Florence + The Machine) - huh. weed and babies. awesome! i agree, florida is one hell of a drug. "cheating husband..." uhokok. ok yes swamp imagery! yes southern/florida gothic! what shitstorm happened in texas? taylor please eliminate the urban sprawl in florida it'll give you more room to bury bodies!! pleaseee.

9. Guilty as Sin? - again. great intros. uh oh. is it just me, or does this sound like a 1975 song?? i like the production regardless. "we've already done it in my head" again real af. this song is real af. this is like limerence... these lyrics are kinda pushing the envelope, no? for taylor's standards, anyway.

10. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? - another western-esque motif. we are scared of you taylor, i promise. contained scandal... oh? is this the cheating allegation??? this bridge was legitimately chilling. her reputation era was only a scratch on the surface. i think she needs a legitimate full-blown villain era (as a treat). i'm scared for track 13.

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - moooore western motifs. yuh okay i like this one. more texas. what happened in texas? did anything happen in texas or is it just a placeholder? the vocals on this one are like velvet. "GOOD BOY"???? and the references to angels??? please. please. thank you, taylor.

12. loml - sigh. im not ready for this one. "better safe than starry-eyed" is a fabulous lyric. i can't wait to see that on fan merch everywhere. another reference to marriage. this is very reminiscent of "you're losing me." more rings and cradles. christ. loss of my life! loml.

13. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - im not ready i dont think. the intro, again, is great. sounds like setting up the tour. i hope that this album was therapeutic for her. yesss i love this one actually. i love when artists do the sarcastic happy-sad trope. taylor, please know that 90% of the eras tour crowds was and is sympathetic; we were only cheering for you, not for what you do. yes key change! yes i love this one!

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - jehovah's witnesses mentioned. just wanting to know why is so incredibly valid and a universal truth, i think. this one left me with a pit in my stomach.

15. The Alchemy - chemicals... hospitals... i hope she writes an autobiography one day. touchdown! so this is a travis-era song? i like the sound design of this one.

16. Clara Bow - nooo im not ready. stevie nicks reference!! :) i don't think she's exactly regretting her fame, but certainly re-evaluating it here. we (media, society, swifties) need to leave her alone, please.

I hope that the creation of this album was cathartic for her; it feels intensely personal. I don't like speculating about her life, yet so many of these songs are extremely context-dependent. Most of all, I hope that she gets the healing she needs. She's such an important figure for so many people; more people want the best for her than don't. It's been very clear for a while that she's been suffering. Everyone breaks at some point... I keep seeing The Tower in my mind.

#taylor swift #the tortured poets department #ts11 #katie's pages

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aliceramblesonnerdity · 3 months

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ALRIGHT BITCHES. WE BACK. HES BACK.

MY FAVORITE HERO IS BACK YALL

Off the bat, the cover is beautiful but the redesign SUCKS. It's just close enough to the original for the changes to just look wrong.

The cover IS a nice homage to his original mini, so I can't complain there, but redesigning a mask that has importance to his character is... Odd.

Perfect interior art imo. And Roubpheap is here and.. I definitely didn't shed a tear over Chord being dead... Nope...

Kicking screaming crying forgetting batman ever existed. The Taylor-Chord family never being used is why I settle for the Batfamily being my favorite. These pages are so good, I missed Dwayne, I missed Roubpheap, I'm glad they're dealing with Thrash's survivors guilt.

When this was announced I was terrified they'd assassinate the characters but so far Sil is as strong and badass as ever, Dwayne still is Dwayne at his best and worst... It's perfect so far.

Reading further ahead, a gang of kids rob a gentrified area of Harlem, Dwayne tries to catch them but the cops detain him because... Y'know ... He's black. And that's what cops do (hoping we see Midnight's Fire some how return but who knows) I do enjoy when Superhero stories tackle the themes of the struggles of the oppressed, from the perspective of the oppressed. I'm a huge Milestone fan and this makes me feel right at home.

Also this is what leads Dwayne to start considering not shutting down the Foundation, to be able to play the system against the cops and systemic issues THROUGH the foundation. Batman comics could learn A LOT from this book.

They've maintained Silhouette as a core character which I love. I love that she's as bad ass as the 90's made her, it really makes me mad that we don't get representation like her anymore. Tho on the next page Dwayne just starts listing off teammates who... Aren't in the picture? That pic is rage, Microbe, Sil, Thrasher, and Firestar. The next page he lists Donyell, Namorita, rage and microbe which... I mean sure, but the inconsistency is odd, and what about Speedball?

Rage is the BBEG! Interesting, he's not like... Evil evil. But he's the antagonist here which like... This guy was IMPORTANT to the original Warriors run.

The sins? Of his past?? IN THIS ECONOMY???

Ok ok, no onto the Sihloette back up!!!

It still hurts to see Chord like this, having grown up reading New Warriors omnibus from the library CONSTANTLY. I'm so thankful they're focusing on the family dynamics here.

That's basically all of the issue. It's everything I could have asked for. Everyone is here that should be, it's dealing with exactly the themes of hope for, and everyone is characterized perfectly. I adore this book. I'm definitely going to try to find more of Holtman's work in the future.

#new warriors #night thrasher #sihlouette #marvel

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shrineofprophecy · 6 months

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@miraiq ; ask continued

Warmth bubbles in her chest, the affection coming clear and strong from her sister. It takes her off guard, but it's a welcomed feeling and sentiment. Lynx wasn't entire sure what the reaction was going to be when she told Serval that she wasn't entirely comfortable with the noble life that their family was apart of and were creating for her. She had figured, out of all people, her sister was the safest option to vent her grievances out, but still wasn't confidant in how Serval would respond. The little lass' voice is so soft as she continues, staring at the ground cause she's sure that if she made eye contact with her sister she would likely start crying. " I just... don't know what to do, at this point. I don't think they'd do anything.. dangerous.. but they're also unpredictable. The best case scenario to me would be for the Landau family to kick me out, just like you were- " Lynx feels bad the second the words slip from her mouth, but she means every one. After a slight wince at herself, she continues. "I mean.. at least we would have each other.. right? That's something. Also, to be honest, I'd much rather be with you than them.. They scare me sometimes. All they do lately is scream and argue about 'revenue' and 'what's best for the family' while constantly getting on Gepard about the dumbest things.. I'm terrified to even suggest that I won't go along with their wishes.. " If she happens to look small, it's because Lynx feels small. Without even realizing she had pulled her hands around the side of her arms in a sort of self-embrace, and is slightly curled in on herself. Even the cold of the Snowy Plains hadn't made her feel this vulnerable. The little girl's voice cracks as she forces herself to go on with verbalizing her thoughts, and if tears are built in the corners of her eyes--- not they aren't. "..What do I.. do, Serval.....?"

Fingers curled up and hands turned into fists as Serval was fuming. She had always been outspoken, unafraid to speak her mind even to her parents. It helped her defend her younger brother against their father's rage when he did something wrong, no matter how petty the mistakes were. Even as a little kid, there was a protective and righteous side burning inside of her and listening to Lynx speak brought those feelings to the surface.

When she was a kid, there was still fear she felt for her father but it was worse to see her siblings take the punishment. That was why she was always ready to take the fall for them because she knew she could handle it. No matter how painful it was, whether physical or mentally, Serval would do anything for them.

But her rebellious side wasn't what got her kicked out of her house. It was the shame she brought when Cocolia fired her, the Supreme Leader of all people. The one her parents would love nothing more than to suck up to. Her father even shamelessly told Serval to beg on her knees for forgiveness but she knew there was nothing wrong she did. Ultimately, that stubborness got her kicked out but it wasn't easy and definitely not something she would wish upon her sister.

"Oh, Lynx..." As much as she wanted to storm to their parents and tell them off, the girl needed her support right now. So Serval spread her arms out and stepped closer to pull her into an embrace.

"Nothing will happen to you. I won't allow it." She held her tighter. "You know you're always welcome to stay here when it becomes difficult for you to stay at home."

As much as Serval would love to take her in, it wasn't as if her finances would allow it. They were barely breaking even at the workshop and while it was fine for her to skip a meal or two, she couldn't let her younger sister allow a life like that. "But I'm worried about Gepard if you were to reside with me. I don't think father would take it well..."

#miraiq #⤜ character【 serval 】#( I'll fight that man )

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naffeclipse · 2 years

Note

Okay, I think I was far too tired last night to fully gush about the ending to Getaway. (Even now, I'm running on 5hrs sleep so bear with me)

I am just... I am frothing at the mouth at this. Just this image of Eclipse sitting in Y/N's chair, no his chair now. Everything is his. He wants to possess Y/N so fucking badly and when he can't, he'll take everything that was theirs for his own. It's HIS now and he'll destroy it all as he sees fit until he gets what he wants.

His obsession with Y/N is deliciously terrifying. I know it's been said before that Eclipse will have Y/N or he'll have them dead and... that's definitely true but I think it's more complex than that. YES, in a fit of rage I could see him killing Y/N (and he certainly tried this chapter) but that's just the nature of him; reacting on pure emotion alone.

It's obvious now that he's had some time to cool down that he doesn't really want Y/N dead... prefers the idea of them alive and by his side even now. The fact that he's sitting there just burning in everything he's feeling is evident that he's not done with this fixation of his, not by a long shot.

“It enrages him how much you force him to fight.”

And yet he's still fucking fighting, isn't he? He's got it so bad in the worst way and I don't think he could shake it if he wanted to. Y/N is too ingrained in his very being. At this point he is eat-sleep-breathing Y/N and that is when things can become truly terrifying.

“When you run, you will run to him.”

He is utterly possessed by Y/N. Fucking fool can't even see it. He should've burned that shirt along with everything but he kept it. This is getting dangerous in the best way.

My hats off to you, Naff. You've written a truly terrifying villain here and I am delighted by him. I know I constantly joke (half joke) about being a simp but if this were a real, living person I would run for the hills so fucking fast. He is so... god, I don't think I have the words. Complex and twisted and just all around a wonderful terror and I thoroughly enjoy every scene he is in. He elicits these fantastic sensations of danger and desire and I am here for it!

First off, CERT PLEASE GET SOME REST ALJDFA YOU'RE SO SWEET BUT SLEEP YOU NEED 8 HOURS

He already owns Y/N in his mind, it's just a matter of time before they get with the program, and he doesn't care how many buildings he has to set on fire to make that happen :)

Eclipse is losing his little robo mind over Y/N!! It's so bad, he's got it so bad. You're right, he'd definitely snap their neck if they pissed him off but it's so much more fun to have them actually around to play with. Just hope he can keep his head long enough when he gets ahold of Y/N again.

Cert, you're going to make me cry, oh my gosh!!! That is such high praise ahhhh!! Thank you so much!! It warms my heart that you enjoy him and my writing, just ahhh, I'm getting so toasty from your kind words ♥ ♥ ♥

#compliments that make me cry (out of joy)#certified-handler

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liebgotts-lovergirl · 2 years

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🐝🍄🦝🏚 please!! Thank you! 🧡

Hi lovely!!

According to my tally of ships, Joe is in the lead so far so I'll be answering these with regard to him! 😁💖

🐝 Who takes care of the inside bugs? Cup or boot?

I will kill most bugs on-sight but I tend to apologize after bc I feel bad. 😅

Joe, on the other hand, can kill a man without batting an eye but when it comes to bugs, he is definitely the "Flee the house, set it all on fire" type 🤣

🍄 Have your or your F/O pushed each other out of your respective comfort zones at any point?

So I'm one of the most adventurous people in my friend-group but the 1 thing I WILL NOT DO is skydive because I'm shit-terrified of heights bc y'know, I have a thing about NOT ENDING UP GOING SPLAT ON THE GROUND (😭)...So of course Joe, being a paratrooper by profession, would no doubt make it his mission to try to help me out of my fear of heights. Jury's still out on whether it'll ever happen tho lol. 😆

Similarly, Joe is a fairly open-minded eater; there's not much he could get at home that he doesn't like BUT generally, he's pretty against eating anything that would probably otherwise kill him lol. So of course, I'd eventually get him to try some super-spicy Thai food, rattlesnake, & gator bc all are delicious, he just doesn't realize it yet lol 🤭

🦝 What kind of presents or trinkets have you and your F/O gotten each other?

I've always wanted a gold or silver heart-shaped locket but they're pretty hard to come by & they're not cheap...It'd take a lot of saving paycheck by paycheck & a lot of scouring stores, but eventually, probably for a holiday, he'd manage to surprise me with one. 🥺💖💖💖

Similarly, I know he'dve been eyeing a certain wristwatch for some time-- the famous 1941 Longines Evidenza, like the kind Humphrey Bogart wore in Casablanca-- but being a cabbie, he'd not make near enough to buy it & still get the locket for me.

Being the complete sap that he is (even tho no one else gets to see it lol 🤭), he'd forego the watch to get me the locket while trying to pretend it was no big deal ("Hey, anythin' for my girl") so of course, I'd be saving up my own money on the side to get him the watch for a Hanukkah gift, if not sooner bc I love him, your honor 🥺💖💖💖

Also, we're both comic book nerds + true crime nerds so one or both of us showing up with the latest issue of a new comic or detective novel would not be uncommon! 🤭

🏚 If you had to pick the ideal place to surprise your F/O with a vacation to, where would it be?

Hmm, this is a hard one but probably somewhere way out in the countryside somewhere, like a ranch, cottage, or farmhouse type of place.

Joe grew up crowded in the city with a really big, busy family + he works in the big city for a living, so he's constantly surrounded by the hustle & bustle which can get really draining after awhile. I think he'd really like the relaxation & beauty that nature can provide, far away from everything, where he can just let his guard down & relax for once, enjoying each other's company without feeling pressured or rushed.

Not to mention, you bet your ass I'm gonna teach that city boy how to horseback ride if it kills me! 🤭

Thank you so much for the Ask, lovely, these were so much fun!! 💖💖💖

#Ship Ask Game #AlyAnswers #Joe Liebgott #HBOWarships #BoBships #myhusband #Liebling lol #about Aly

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sparklingsteel · 4 months

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What is your history with the Pokémon series?

Art may be of the muse, but this is gonna be another mun spotlight!

"Wait but why aren't you working on asks?" I have tendonitis or my carpool tungle is acting up and idk which one it is/ It's bad enough I colored in an old doodle fdhjsbfs. Mostly here to be like hey! I'm not dead! Anyway...

I've been a fan of the series since I was a little kid, starting with the anime! I was like... 2 or 3? I don't remember exacts, but I used to watch the anime ALL the time as a kid. I'd get up at the asscrack of dawn to watch the DP anime when that was running and would literally commandeer the tv if there was a pokemon movie on a Friday night on cartoon network. My tv now. But it doesn't end there!

I have to pay a very special shout out to my older sister! She's the one who introduced me to the series and she's let me watch her play Fire Red all the time. I'd eventually get a copy of Leaf Green for myself out of a walmart bargain bin for $10 (thank fucking god), but that wasn't my first game! My first game was Diamond and it holds a very special place in my heart. It took me a while to beat it because I did the good ol' brute force everything with your starter cause I was like... 7 and barely understood how the games worked. Sister wasn't much help either cause she didn't know what the hell the physical/special split was (to be fair neither of us did). But I had an empoleon and a dream and somehow soloed Cynthia. Like legit I have max hours on Diamond. I played the FUCK out of that game. Contests were so much fun, I loved the battle tower, challenging the elite 4 for fun was great, especially when I actually started to get the concept of team building. My sister and I even sat down for like a week and I memorized the Sinnoh national dex by pokemon cries.

Black and White? Now those were the first games I took seriously. I was CONSTANTLY on the pokemon website keeping an eye out for news and counting down the days until release. I actually was able to convince my mom to take me to get it on release day! Bought it with my own money and everything! Black also has a very VERY special place in my heart and that's what got me dipping my toes into competitive! I am not ashamed to admit that it only took me three days to beat the game I was HOOKED on it. I played it all night that Sunday, and then the next two days I'd speedrun my homework and just play pokemon all night again. Black also got me through some pretty fucking terrifying events irl (aka two separate hurricanes, being Irene and Sandy). I actually caught coballion during Irene! I played Black a lot more than I did the sequels, but I did also VERY much enjoy BW2 and actually like the story for that better than BW!

Not to go on for fucking forever, so I'm gonna tldr the rest of this. I have played every mainline game since the release of DP, have played many and I mean MANY of the side games, went back and played the old mainlines I missed as a kid, did online comp for a bit, I still do comp sometimes on Showdown cause the team building tool is a blessing, my friends in high school banned me from using my cressalia because I'd stall them out with it, and I still play SwSh in 2024 because tbh it's my favorite of the modern games! I've also been an avid card collector since I was a kid (I don't play the TCG anymore, I just like the pretty cards :D). I wholeheartedly welcome any specific questions anyone might have for me!

#now that I have the proper terms for things: special interest and hyperfixation go brrrrrr #yes I consider pokemon to be both for me because even if I'm not *immediately* fixated on pokemon it is always in the back of my mind #and will take over without warning and oops I'm ranting to someone about how different types were added to the game to try and balance it #ANYWAY #4th wall break (mun asks)

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praublem-child · 10 months

Text

It just hit me how similar I am to an elderly person. I was watching a true crime video that was talking about people in nursing homes, and they described everything these people needed help with. Help remembering things like eating and staying hydrated, help clothing themselves, help moving safely and efficiently, taking medication, getting regular exercise, remembering tasks and people, getting out into common areas to socialize.

(Long Rant, might be triggering)

I can't do any of that shit completely alone. I forget to eat or drink water constantly, on bad days I can't do buttons or zippers, I need a cane to move over long distances, I can't remember to take my medication without reminders and even then I hate it, I can't exercise safely alone or remember to do it regularly, I forget a lot of people exist constantly, I can't remember things regardless of how important they might be, and I can't get out of the house or into social situations without a buffer and someone forcing me out.

I've been thinking for years that I'd benefit from a home like that, but it seriously fucks with me. Acknowledging that I can't be comfortably or safely independent is awful, and I'm so fucking scared of that fact. I go to live on campus next year and I don't know if I'll be able to handle myself. If I'll remember to eat and drink enough to survive, if I'll manage to remember why I need my meds, if I'll even be safe walking around campus alone.

I don't even know what my options are for stuff like this. I still don't have a conclusive diagnosis of autism or any of the health stuff. I don't know if I'll have one before I have to leave. Idek if I'd qualify for disability even with a diagnosis, and we can't afford to get me into assisted living. I can't work to help with that either, no one wants to hire the 18 year old with two weeks of work experience. Especially not the jobs that I can actually do. I wouldn't be able to keep up with a job somewhere that would actually hire me like a fast food place. I barely handled those two weeks at the grocery store before I got fired, and back then my health was 10x better than it is now.

I'm going to wind up being a dependent for the rest of my life and that sounds miserable. And I don't want to turn out like my dad. He drained my mother of her energy, spent all of her money, left her with two sick and abused kids, and then died leaving her mentally destroyed. Even when he wasn't being an absolute dick it was still exhausting for all of us to take care of him, and my health is roughly where his was in the last few years of his life.

This shit is fucking scary. It's scary to not know what's wrong, not knowing how long you might or might not live. Scary knowing you're going to hurt the people you love in ways you can't control. Literally terrifying to know it's highly likely you'll never reach the dreams you have, and acknowledge that some of them might not even be the right thing. I don't want this, but I don't even know what the fuck I can do to fix any of this. It's miserable. I just want it to all stop.

#chronically ill #disabled #disability #dependent #codependent #unknown health conditions #assisted living #independence

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beaversatemygrandma · 11 months

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Thoughts about the FL thing, sans money now.

So that one friend who moved to Cali FINALLY texted me. I can't blame her at all for taking that time. It was hectic. Basically suddenly finding your existence illegal and the fact that she was in an accepting household could risk her mom losing her youngest kid. Like FL is fucked up and I'm glad she's safe now. And then me saying that I'm moving back to FL soon and she's just instant panic. Instantly worried about me. Telling me that if i go, i shouldn't come out. I shouldn't continue with that at all. Put the gender fuckery on hold. I think she even offered to help me out to Cali also once she's got her own place out there. Honestly, sounds pretty nice. I mean, the guy I've been talking with for all this time and basically have a long distance, soon to be short distance, relationship with has been listening to everything I've been saying about FL and iirc, Cali is actually a state where his insulin might come cheaper and easier. We've literally been talking about taking our time in town, getting money, saving money, and leaving the state, perhaps even the country. Like, he needs a place with socialized healthcare so he doesn't have a pricetag on his life and i need a place where i can literally be myself. And that place sure isn't FL.

Jeez, going back to FL in this political climate is so damn terrifying but i can't stay here. I'm losing my mind here. I'm stuck in a tiny ass place with too much stuff to fit into my damn 6x8 ft room that has 0 air flow, with a 14yo who acts like she's 7 (she's mentally okay, she's just immature and won't grow. like you give her advice and she starts guilting you about how she's not perfect). I've got my dad who i haven't been with for longer than a month since i was 8, who can't get anything done without at least a month of procrastination. We're all broke. There's planes and trains and trucks that shake the whole trailer every hour 24/7. It's not walkable. Hell, it's hardly drivable with all those axle-breaking potholes and blind intersections. There are even air quality warnings like once a week. And that's not about the smokescreen over the northeast. That's just what it's Like Here. Our water is brown like once a month. I swear like three water mains leading to our area burst since January. There are even shootings basically once a week within five miles of here. I hear guns firing constantly at like 2am like clockwork. I'm broke. I can't deal with it here. The payments needed to keep a car legal are higher in this state than most others. (including mandatory inspections? That YOU pay for??) What the fuck even is this city?

At least in FL, i know the town well. I know the people. I know the roads. It's kept nice because it's a damn tourist trap. Not some still-segregated urban sprawl. Sure, there's annoying rednecks there and snowbirds who act like they own the place, but you're less likely to get shot going to the gas station or break your car's entire front axle after not swerving around the wrong pothole so you don't get hit head-on by a tanker. Sure, I'm going to be terrified to be as gnc as i am. But what's another couple years in the closet, right? right? 🙃 Just have to keep my job, keep that guy close so I seem straight/cis passing, and hold my tongue in public. And maybe not look queer to an emt if something bad happens. Suck up dysphoria for a while and actually wear form-fitting clothes so nobody will try anything.

Holy fuck the entire southeast is so fucked up. Why do i have to be stuck here?

#taks speaks #*screams into the void*#my choices are basically tanker town where you can't breathe the air or drink the water once a month #or the state of embodied transphobia #fucking southeast. why is it so awful

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howtheworldcouldb · 3 years

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A Rough Guide to KOTOR Characterizations

Listen, everyone is a caricature of like one characteristic/Vibe. Remember the vibe and you're golden.

Bastila

Recovering teachers pet with religious trauma. Was the "Gifted Kid" who let it go to her head. Insecure as shit, hides it with arrogance. Seeks validation and support like a kicked puppy.

Prim, proper, talks over people to lead in group projects, lil arrogant, goes the "holier-than-thou, this is beyond your understanding" route when threatened. Struggling to see things outside of black and white. Neglectful parents vibes. Just needs a fuckin hug, my dude. And therapy.

Insecure -> prim, condescending

Carth

"My defense mechanisms are defense mechanisms." Constantly defensive. Threatened? Lash out. Don't want to answer a question? Lash out. Man finds a cause and then he's ride-or-die, this cause is Right, Loyalty is My Middle Name. Closet romantic. As soon as he's given the opportunity to love someone romantically, he pulls out his lil book of cliches and goes through them like a checklist. Strong moral compass.

He's also the dude in the horror movie that questions everyone's bad decisions, but only in like select situations. Carth when faced with a specific situation? On the money, every time. Carth when faced with the trash fire that is his own life decisions? Just gets in the can and claims it’s fine.

Stubborn, defensive, loyal

Mission

"Fuck you, I can do it myself. I don't need your help." Street kid who both seeks adult stability and would rather die than be seen as a child. Really wants to not have to constantly take care of herself but is terrified of what it means if she stops. Also pretty defensive. REALLY sensitive about her age.

Spunky, defensive, fundamentally scared

Jolee

"I'm too old for this shit." He's here to watch you fuck up, because he's got nothing better to do. Trauma, but mostly made his peace with it. The only one with some common sense, which in this galaxy translates to "pretty fucking wise". Can't stand the smell of bullshit, and will call you on it. Does not matter the context. Social niceties? Fuck 'em, who has time. Crotchety old man who speaks in weird riddles because he genuinely does not care if you understand.

Down-to-earth, tired, crotchety, irreverent

Juhani

Lesbian who came out to her emotionally abusive parents and got kicked out. A kicked puppy with latent anger issues stemming from trauma. I repeat, again, an abused puppy. Think Tatooine Slave Culture but with Anakin's problems. A little feral.

Self-deprecatory/berating, anxious, deferential, hurt and hiding anger

T3-M4

The little boy who's backyard pressed up against yours who was your adventure buddy for a summer. Sane friend on the surface, until he pulls something batshit and you realize that sane is relative. He's the one running around quietly getting shit done while everyone else argues on the proper way to go about something.

Cheerful, loyal and affectionate, helpful, a little frustrated, imagine if someone had to communicate through charades 24/7

Canderous

Also does not have time for your shit. Values are on violence, weaponry and to a lesser extent, honor. He's a bounty hunter, man. He's got a moral code but it is absolutely not based on similar tenants to yours. His one response to Revan massacring his people was "It was glorious", and that pretty much sums him up. Competent, violent, and with some fucked up morals, but still cares in an odd way. Pretty unconcerned about most things, a little feral. Everything can be solved with violence if you try hard enough.

Violent, caustic/rough, weird honor code, unconcerned

Zaalbar

The one dude in the group project who doesn't want to be there and leans against the wall watching while everything goes to shit. Loyalty is to Mission above all else. Taciturn and distant, but will honor a promise or vow to the end of his days.

Reserved, unsociable, loyal

HK-47

A violent psychopath. Humans are below him (replace any names with "meatbag"). Literally would murder you in a second if given the opportunity, and would like to take said opportunity whenever possible. The only thing stopping him is the fact that Revan said no. Will still gleefully describe it in detail, though.

Murder and property damage

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