greenorangevioletgrass
made of flecks of light
ava. she/her. 27. woc writer & reader. bi. ao3. ko-fi. follow @ficsbygreenorangevioletgrass to track my latest writings!
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Jake “Hangman” Seresin
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, this is your savior speaking. Please, fasten your seat belts, return the tray tables to their locked and upright positions and prepare for landing.
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Decided to make one of these for Top Gun: Maverick too, you know... to dispel the pain I caused with my last post...
(this is my whatsapp history, not direct quotes from the movie)
(in the first one, I'm aware it looks like There's a 30 min gab between both messages. There is not, my internet just decided that they were going to let me see the message 30 min later)
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I am so glad I waited until I’m all settled in bed and not while I was queueing for an audition because I would’ve been a MESS 😭😭😭 fertility is always a tough issue, but bradley is such a sweetheart abt it 🥺 makes me wanna have kids with him sjdhskhskagsahsndhd
We're on this together. (Chapter 1)
Bradley Bradshaw × Fem!Wife!Reader
Summary: Nobody warned you for how hard it is to become a mother,same for Bradley.
TW: infertility,mentions of miscarrige,mentions of hospital,mentions of getting pregnant,mentiones of ivf. Mostly angst.
Tears were streaming down your face,your hands were trembling. Searching for Bradley's number in your contact list has never been this difficult.
Your fingers slid across parts of the screen you didn't want to touch, making your frustration even worse.
The phone line rang at a deafening volume. Once, twice, three times until it goes to voicemail.
His stupid voicemail.
"Hi,its me Bradley. Please drop your message!"
Taking this as a sign, you chose not to try again.
After all, talking to Bradley about it right now would only make him worry for nothing, considering he was busy on deployment and miles away from you. He was about to return this week.
It wasn't something he could solve. Maybe it was but not right now.
Within a few minutes your phone rang. As his name popped up on the screen, a heart emoji next to it and his photo of him grinning stupidly, you felt terrible for doing this to him.
Not only did you let down your own dreams, you were about to let down his too.
You replied, remaining silent. You expected your voice to sound like a lump in your throat.
"Baby, are you there? I couldn't get to the phone in time at first."
You were motionless, your lack of words showed him that. "I'm fine", giving yourself some time, you suddenly started to feel everything you didn't feel until you got home.
"I was at the doctor's today."
"Why are you talking like it's the end of the world? Are you okay?"
Throughout his breathing, it was easy to imagine him even stopping whatever he was doing to pay better attention to you; Not because it wasn't there before. You should have called Penny or someone, they would know how to take care of you.
"Wait, is it about babies? Tell me you're joking," he finished with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. You could imagine and hear it perfectly.
In the past, when you received good news, you would pretend that something bad was coming, now it's just another thing you regret doing.
You were selfish for talking to him, he was so far away; You could talk to him about it when he got home.
Talking and doing this and that now would cause him more anxiety than he ever had in his hectic daily tour life. Still, he was the only one you needed.
"No, quite the opposite."
The call suffered a long pause, filled with his deep sighs and persistent tears streaming down his cheeks.
You didn't let a single tear fall until you got home, but did you verbalize it? Putting it into words made things different; it felt more real.
"Fuck," he mumbled, clearly a little out of place.
“I can't have kids, Bradley,” your words were interrupted by the growl you were trying to hold back.
He could tell when you were talking to him that everything hit you at once. Over the years, he was able to recognize even small details.
''I'm the reason we tried and it never worked. I cursed it."
"No, baby," he took a deep breath. "Please don't blame yourself. You know it's not your fault." You ran your fingers desperately through your hair; This is what it must be like to feel useless on the phone. Just what you imagined before you made the call. It was bad to announce this to him. "Are you alone? I can ask someone to check on you. They’ll do that, okay?
“Please,” You didn't want to spend the rest of the day by yourself. Also, even though you didn't want to talk to anyone but Bradley, you knew Penny would understand you better, she knew how to make you feel less bad, it would be nice to be around her. And once she mentioned she went through something like that so maybe she would understand you.
Being alone with your harsh thoughts will not be a good option anyway. "I thought about calling her, but I finally gave up, I didn't know what to do, I still don't. Calling you still doesn't seem like a good idea, but I didn't know what to do."
Your weak voice was killing Bradley. If it made him sad to hear that, he couldn't imagine what it was like for you.
"You did great, baby, this is a tough situation but we're on this journey together. You can ask for anything baby, remember?" He smiled, a muffled smile came over the line; It made you feel a little better.
"We can still have children, you know that."
You wanted to tell him that what works for others may not work for you, that your condition may not be that malleable because your condition is genetic. Still, you didn't know if they were true or not, all your thoughts might just be the result of your momentary frustration, but they might also be true.
You need to talk to Bradley about this, everything that's going on in his mind. You didn't want to do this over the phone anymore.
“We can try,” you sniffled, still avoiding the tears you didn't even know were falling. "We can try." You repeated, trying to convince yourself.
"Talk to me, baby. Try to distract yourself a bit, huh? Please. Do you want me to turn the call off? Maybe you can take a long bath with your favorite bubbles or eat something different. That might help."
Even though it sounded wrong, his desperation to help you was adorable. Talking to him made everything perfect, his voice was soothing, you could hear him talking for hours. Now it was no different.
“I just want to hear your voice,” you said, lying on the cold floor of the main room. It would be nice to sleep. It seemed reasonable to forget the previous hours for a few minutes. "You are busy?"
"Not exactly."
"Then tell me how the mission went."
His voice sounded flatter and softer, you could imagine how uneasy he was even from the phone, it was possible to imagine him striding around the room with the phone in his hand. He talked about the mission details the night before. The contrast of how you described your previous day with what happened at the right moment was painful, happy and suddenly you were breaking it.
Everyone knew that Bradley dreamed of having kids, that kids were running around the house and so were you, you wanted to have kids with him even more but with you he would never have one.
"Can I say something?" You asked, taking a deep breath,cutting through his words. "I love you,I love you so much."
Everything was unfair, you both tried so hard. He, too, had become weak from trying, just like you.
"I love you too, baby. This," you could see him in your mind, pausing and gesturing with his hands, "this won't change anything,okay? I still love you so much as the day i fell in love with you."
"We are on this journey together."
"We are on this journey together.”
—-----
Your body trembled.
A cold hand was wandering around your waist as you slowly opened your eyes, feeling a ridiculous headache fill your vision. Your eyes found Bradley crouched on the ground in front of you, and he looked good compared to you. His eye bags were not purple from the 4 hour sleep he was getting,or his hair wasn't messy after the cold,rainy and windy weather out there.
"What are you doing here?" You frowned. Bradley chuckled as you laid your head down once the headache made you feel like you were going to throw up. He could answer your question but you were flattered, he wouldn't think you noticed he was there because he knew you needed him.
So he ignored it, helping you get up.
"Come on, get up. It's cold on the floor, I'll put you to bed." He tried to get you to stand up for him - he failed; but you shifted your weight onto his body, wrapping your arms around his neck, which he found worriedly cute.
“I need you,” you whispered, drunk and sleepy, burying your face in his coat. Let its scent warm you. He smelled amazing.
It was a relief to hear him say that. He didn't want to get into an argument about how it would affect his job in the near future, as you had fought before for the same reason. "I know my baby." He kissed your hair, hugged your waist, and carried you to your room. “She wants to lay down with me.”
He laid you down on the bed, doing the same as he lay on your side, face up and facing the white ceiling.
They both knew it was necessary to speak, but neither knew who should speak first or what they should speak about.
You ran your fingers over his stomach, placing your palm under his shirt, warming his cold hand with your body. You moved closer to his body, nestling into his side as he wrapped his arm around you.
"Tell me, what's on your mind?" He said without looking directly at you.
"There's a lot", your mere words made his throat dry. “It's weird knowing your body can't do what it's supposed to do, especially when you want it to,” you gasped through sobs, his grip pulling you closer to his chest for comfort. "I'm afraid you'll stay with me and a few years from now you'll realize you made the wrong choice." These words hurt him. It hurt him so much to see you blaming yourself.
He hugged you even tighter and asked you to look at him. "I'm not going to leave you, okay? I'm in love with you. That won't change, and it's not your fault. We can try IVF as if it will work, and it's worked for a few people, and we'll have a happy and healthy baby. We have the money for it. If the money I make as a pilot isn't enough, i can even find a part-time job. I can enter just for you, I'm married to you and I love you so much, why should I leave you?"
There were tears in your eyes and you hoped he was right. "What if it doesn't work? If my body miscarries? If we try and never succeed? I don't know if I'm ready to try again-"
Before you finished your sentence, he grabbed your cheek and gave you a messy kiss. He was far from okay, he was desperate, you didn't know how to decipher whether he was trying to silence you or show his emotions. The salty taste of your tears accompanied by the burning in his throat didn't help at all.
You put your hand on his chest and stop him. He was in distress, he probably wanted to stop you with a waterfall of negative thoughts but he didn't know how.
“I don't want to try, I just don't know what to do yet, and it's killing me right now.” You were complaining.
He kissed your forehead and let you lie down.
"We will find a way. It's still new, we can think better or find other ways. Adoption is also a good option, but of course if everything happens at the right time."
You stayed silent for a while, imagining a parallel where Bradley was right and things worked out. Although you were still not convinced by this, you agreed with him. After all, there would be no other way, and you still wanted to have children.
“Adoption sounds good,” you mumbled against his chest. You hadn't thought about it yet, it hadn't even crossed your mind. “There is no risk and there is no way we can go wrong.”
You felt relieved that he was there for you, guiding you to feel better about this.
"You see?" he asked with what looked like a weak smile. "We'll find a way because I don't plan on having kids with anyone but you, so it has to be with you. Whether you like it or not." He joked, drawing a smile from you as he touched your nose with a wet kiss.
It was incredible how he managed to make even the most difficult moments seem lighter.
"Good, because I still want to have your stupid kids.”
I'm tagging people who might be interested:@ohtobeleah @sebsxphia @callsigns-haze @sailor-aviator @sorchathered @greenorangevioletgrass @teacupsandtopgun @roosterforme @floydsglasses @lyn-js @bradshawssugarbaby @torchflies @its-dee-lovely @its-the-pilot @friedchips94 @bradshawsbaby @hardballoonlove @perfectprettypisces @topguncortez @hangmanapologist @bradshawsbaddie @shanimallina87 @djs8891 @themusingofagothicsoul @promisingyounglady @the-romanian-is-bae @mamachasesmayhem @jessicab1991 @iefitzgerald-blog @charcole-grey @waterriseslew @desert-fern @promisingyounglady @lewmagoo and if you are not comfortable please tell me!!
REBLOGS,LIKES AND COMMENTS ARE HIGLY APPERICATED🤍🤍🤍
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I just reread this and… wow. i am batshit crazy.
regardless of who ttpd is about, im gonna listen to it for the first time as a girl who was in a delulu-ridden relationship for nearly 5 years and then had an epic breakup at a big step of my career, then fucked around with a questionable rebound guy, before finally finding myself a kind and beautiful man who i love and loves me and treats me the way i deserve to be treated 🫶
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thots as i listen (perfectly timed as my bf left for a family thing this weekend and i can freely relive my past doomed relationship hahah):
fortnight: ahhh yes. the span of my 5-year relationship fizzling out on two different islands. bliss. what about your quiet treason??? sdkjfhksjdhf
ttpd: "you're not dylan thomas, im not patti smith / this ain't the chelsea hotel, we're modern idiots" is so real bc i WAS obsessed with patti smith and we did take ourselves (and our art, bleargh) too seriously)
my boy only breaks his favorite toys: ehehehe the "long story short" melodic parallel in the chorus. the way she plays it off like he's a fucking child, but "once i fix me, he's gonna miss me"??? FUCK OFF STOP READING MY LIFE STORY TAYLOR?? i started crying here bye
down bad: no bc the matty parralel with Z is INSANE. like how did i feel emptier than i thought i did? HOW DARE YOU THINK IT'S ROMANTIC LEAVING ME SAFE AND STRANDED? is a mood and a half.
so long london: THAT INTRO! AAAAHHH! can't say no to some good vocal layers. this is giving very early days lana del rey? trust in aaron dessner for tracks like these. and that bridge?? fuck me.
but daddy i love him: country vibes! the chorus feels like a mouthful, though? bahahahahah "i'm having his baby / no i'm not but you should've seen your faces" again, the bridge is bridging!
fresh out the slammer: oop i hear a hint of "long live"? the friends seeing the red flags way before she did 🤡 whoa, the OUTRO??? we're winding down! BUT ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT, I DID MY TIME 🥺
florida!!!: the three exclamation marks is called for, that's for sure!!! oh my god, this is probably my favorite track so far.
guilty as sin?: im loving the use of intros and outros here in this album. this is beautiful, but i also feel like throwing up thinking the long, stretched-out tension z and i had before we finally hooked up? "am i allowed to cry" for this song is sooo perfect.
who's afraid of little old me: this is very much giving lana del rey's early stuff?? i love this. i was a MESS here considering all the shitstorm i went through in that island and coming back from it. "you caged me and then you called me crazy" ha!
i can fix him: pls more bluegrassy, americana shit like this 🙏🙏 also stopppp bc this is exactly the kind of music D plays and i was convinced i can fix him lmaoooo
loml: "still alive, killing time at the cemetery / never quite buried" AND THE REAL KICKER IS I SPENT THAT WHOLE FIRST WEEK IN A BURIAL GROUND AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH 😭😭
i can do it with a broken heart: THE MASTERMIND LOOP PARALLEL!!!!! what in the jack antonoff??? deffo an addition to the tour setlist im willing to bet my left NUT
the smallest man who ever lived: i just know it's aaron dessner producing right away lol. bruh she went for the THROAT here. (also it's a running joke now that D is short af lmao) THE THIRD VERSE??? it feels like going off on a tangent, but maybe that's the point?
the alchemy: fuck yeaaah! it's giving slow-motion, big moment ending of a movie scene. maybe a hint of "suburban legends"? god i can't wait to see this song performed live!
clara bow: the childlike optimism here... i'm bawling my eyes out.
the black dog: ...no words. im just crying. i remember this all to well hah.
imgonnagetyouback: heh "gold rush" parallel. this one makes me smile. reminds me of long aimless drives and tumbling into our hotel bed, not knowing what we are.
the albatross: im humming "ivy" as i listen lol. holy fuck dude, side B is slowly segueing into my current relationship--or the start of it 😬 mom pick me up im scared
chloe or sam or sophia or marcus: nope we're back to D hahahah. MAROON REFERENCE!!
how did it end: this is the face i made throughout this song 🙂🙂🙂 this is fine i'm fine
so high school: i'm surprised aaron took this on, but then again i shouldn't presume? OH WAIT yeah i get it. another happy song! ahhh! GET MY CAR DOOR SDKJFHSKDJHF i never touched a single car door when im with my bf this past year and a half lmao. it's giving "long live" and im mad cheesin!
i hate it here: ohhh it's giving laura marling! I CAN RELATE!!!
thanK you aIMee: holy shit, it just dawned on me... did i have a reputation era late 2022?? but anyway. i like this! this one is for the girlies healing ✌
i look in people's windows: guys im so INSPIRED right now i need to pick up my pen and paper after this. it's giving "death by a thousand cuts" ish??
the prophecy: toit chorus??? love. im generally loving the B-side tracks more now that i think about it...
cassandra: this is too fucking close imma throw up bye
peter: 3/4 time is always soooo dreamy ✨ and so heartbreaking! it's giving a mellowed out, more contemplative "i bet you think about me".
the bolter: again, very lana!! off to the races! good vibes.
robin: this felt like a hug 🥺🥺 im crying but what's new.
the manuscript: i am sobbing. this is the perfect closing track. "now and then i reread the manuscript / but the story isn't mine anymore" taylor you genius and i thank you for this.
regardless of who ttpd is about, im gonna listen to it for the first time as a girl who was in a delulu-ridden relationship for nearly 5 years and then had an epic breakup at a big step of my career, then fucked around with a questionable rebound guy, before finally finding myself a kind and beautiful man who i love and loves me and treats me the way i deserve to be treated 🫶
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i'm pretty sure his brown eyes would fix me. his cock too.
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Can’t believe im adult now. Sometimes I feel like a teletubbie with a credit card.
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xreader fic is so inherently healing like
do you love yourself? no? that's okay this character you love loves you back. are you kind? that is why they love you. are you patient? that is why they love you. are you a coward are you shy are you brave are you bold are you bratty? that is why they love you. you are loved and you will not be punished for seeking love. you are loved and you will find it here in these words.
do you love yourself yet? no? that's okay this character can love you until you do. this character will point out the few traits you can relate with yourself (your smile, your laugh, you brattiness, your whimsy, your strength, your sorrow) and tell you that they love that about you until one day you can love it, if not yourself, too.
do you love yourself yet? no? but you're starting to accept that you can be loved? that there is something in you- your awkwardness, your bashfulness, your straightforward mind, you ability to heal, your ability to fight- that someone could look at and learn to adore? well done. you're right, this character does see that and adore it. you may not love yourself just now, just yet, but now you see right? That there is something to love in you?
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now it's big black cars and riviera views and your lover in the foyer doesn't even know you
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my god i’d gladly let jake make an insatiable monster out of me ANY DAY 🤤
Not sure if you’re still doing thots but here’s one. Jake and innocent reader and reader discovering her kinks. Praise kink? Yes, definitely. Size kink? Maybe. Casually wrapping a hand around their neck while having a heated making out session? 😳
Like:
Need I say more?
Most of your sexual experiences had been based on your partner’s pleasure, you enjoyed it but it never seemed to scratch the itch. Until you started seeing Jake that is. When you told him the first time he tried to go down on you that no one had gotten you off like that he burned red at the thought, who the hell could have you naked in their bed and not be focused completely on taking you apart? He made sure that night you came until you couldn’t hold yourself up anymore and then gave you the dicking down of your life, he’d be damned if you didn’t look completely debauched before he came.
Once he’d started he didn’t realize the monster he’d created, you had been so vanilla about intimacy before but now that he’d told you he wanted to explore any fantasy you wanted it was open season. Sex in public places? Absolutely, if you were wearing a sundress he could almost guarantee you’d be completely bare underneath and ready for him to take you in some dark secluded corner where anyone might stumble upon you. But what really took the cake for him was when the two of you were on a two week vacation mentioning in passing you wanted him to manhandle you, hold you down and fuck you hard, you wanted marks and bruises from it and he found himself painfully hard at the thought. That night he fucked you against the wall and the floor, bruises in the shape of his fingertips from how hard he gripped you, marks on your back from the friction against the wall and the glorious feeling of his massive veiny hand wrapped around your throat as he pressed just enough to make you lightheaded.
You’d be the death of him, he just knew it. But if ticking off your dirty fantasy bucket list was how he went out? Damn what a way to go, what a way to go indeed.
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divorced couple energy ship will always be immaculate to me. we hate each other. we've seen each other naked. I know how you take your morning coffee. I will never make you your morning coffee again. get it yourself. here you go, I gave it to you anyway. you disgust me. I will always be somewhat in love with you. I will be yours forever. you're not mine anymore. you will always be mine. fuck you. let's fuck, for old time's sake. did you steal my cd? no, no. keep it.
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hate when a pause is pregnant. abort that thang
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EEEEEK! starting the google docs now!
if i get started on that hangman x astronaut!reader, would y'all be interested? 👀
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lets fucking gooooo!
if i get started on that hangman x astronaut!reader, would y'all be interested? 👀
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if i get started on that hangman x astronaut!reader, would y'all be interested? 👀
#if you are... send me qs and ideas while i write it down??#jake seresin#jake seresin x reader#hangman x reader#hangman x astronaut!reader#ava rambles
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