#i'm seeing a couple people treating this like Drama which is strange to me. this isnt like a conflict its just a thing that happened | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

waitmyturtles · 8 months

Text

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 5 ("CH-CH-CH-CHANGES / TURN AND FACE THE STRANGE") EDITION

Well, well, FUCKING well. Man, I am REELING. THAT. Was a HELL of an episode of a drama. Jojo and his team need to applaud themselves.

Let me set this up by sharing with y’all a tweet that really stuck with me after episode 4, but I think it’s pertinent to episode 5:

Now, yes -- this is a touch of a generalization (many of my queer friends are straight-edge-and-or-early-to-bed-while-living-in-cities folx), but I want to note something important in this tweet.

Before I got started on episode 5 last night, after having seen a lot of the meta and reactions on my dash throughout the day, I shot a note to dear @ranchthoughts that I thought I'd have to get a little #oldmom on this episode. Speaking to chibi's note above: toxicity happens to be a common human trait. Seeing that there was QUITE a bit of surprise for Boston's "outing" of Ray to Sand on my dash actually surprised me.

From my lawyer friends, I learned about the following concept, and I just cracked the fuck up the first time I heard it, because it rang really true once I got my head around it: a lawyer friend once told me that when he started out at a typical major American law firm, his orientation included hearing a presentation from an older managing partner about the idea of the "equal opportunity asshole." Meaning: there's workplace harassment against protected classes, like race-based or sex-based harassment. But: can you get sued if you treat EVERYONE AROUND YOU like shit? And, he didn't mean on a personal level, not on an attacking level. Just on an abrupt, aggressive level. A bossy level. A very direct-toned level.

That kind of interaction -- an interaction with an equal opportunity asshole -- we know those kinds of people, right? These kinds of folks are...titchy. They might jump to conclusions. They're rooted in their worldview ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. They lack empathy. They make you feel unsettled. They are emotionally disconnected from you. They have NO interest in being emotionally connected WITH YOU.

When I dove into episode 5, I really thought I'd be writing about Boston as the equal opportunity asshole, and I think that this theory still holds to a great extent, but -- there's a but, a slight and fascinating-to-me but, that I'll get to in a second.

@ranchthoughts did the thing once more of covering EVERYTHING in her episode 5 ephemerality breakdown, so dear Ranch, I'm just gonna repeat some stuff you said in my own words, if you don't mind. First off, a couple of gushes:

1) That blind dining scene had me swooning. "Life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you're gonna get," was what I was hearing when I was watching that. These lovely idiots are blind to what's happening in front of them, and what that means to them -- BUT THAT'S OKAY, BECAUSE THEY ARE YOUNG. YOUNG AND INEXPERIENCED. The blind dining metaphor, oh gawd -- using your senses to come to realizations about how you're truly feeling, and how to connect better with WHAT you're feeling? Slamming my hands on the table! BRILLIANT. Mew is SO clueless (OR IS HE?!?!??!).

1.5) And -- remember (all you young folks out there!). Youth is fleeting (cc the Ephemerality Squad). What we're watching of this cohort of "friends" is their building their bases of life experiences NOW, that will TEACH them how they will live more EXPERIENCED lives in their futures. Will their lives be better? Who the fuck knows. But their FUTURE LIVES will be shaped by what they're experiencing NOW.

2) Ranch nailed this already, but Sand is just as bad as Ray in living in the annals of time. (He's also naughty for another reason, which I'll get into in a postscript.) He's got the vintage tees, he wants to rewind to Woodstock, he's a fan of mostly classic Brit rock (....I will not call the Arctic Monkeys classic Brit rock, I will not, thus, "mostly," lol.) Dear friend @neuroticbookworm described this phenomenon of Sand's in the frame of Ray dabbling in a day of poverty tourism, as essentially what his day and night with Sand constituted. But I'd also add that Sand's living in a fantasy world of a couple levels to break the monotony of his everyday life. Those flashes of hope that he'll travel to world to festivals one day -- as he clocks 450 baht (around $12 USD) per bottle, as he sings, as he gets up and gets down -- yes, Ray is his fantasy, his non-existent 25th hour, Ray is the break from monotony that Sand needs as a thing to look forward too. Of course it comes crashing down.

3) But it'll come crashing down anyway, because I will posit the following: Sand's survival fantasies are necessary to keep him going by way of motivation, because Sand is going to be held back by others, and not just Ray. Sand is caught in a trap of filial piety. (OH SHIT! GIMME!) He's paying off his mom's debts.

We don't know how much the debts are. [We're seeing in Dangerous Romance that Sailom is getting his ass beat if he and his brother don't pay the debt collectors on time every month. Shit, the debt collectors are even trying to make Sailom an escort (which then turns into Kanghan buying off Sailom himself, but lemme leave that alone, WRONG SHOW)]. But even Sand's mom admits: Sand is solving a problem of MY OWN CREATION. How good is my son? He's a very good son. Drink up, honey.

Sand thought of Ray: wow, this guy might be into me, and shit, I'm into him. And I could use this right now! I could use this break. And that illusion came crashing down when Sand -- an intelligent dude! -- put two and two together real fast. And Sand, very rightly -- because he is FAST learning independence, in a totally different way than the main OF quartet -- pulls the hell away, and puts away the fantasy of Ray at Alone O'Clock.

3.5) I just want to note, real quick, that we now have TWO of my favorite-ist themes in this show: we have intergenerational trauma by way of Ray, and filial piety by way of Sand. THANK YOU, JOJO AND TEAM! *This* bitch is TRACKIN'.

4) Big ephemerality note here: I just, I SWOONED, GOD, I LOVED IT, WHEN RAY REVEALED HIS MOTHER WAS AN ACTRESS. And that she was bitter about getting pregnant and how that affected her career. Are you kidding me? JOJO. NINEW. ALL OF YOU. BRILLIANT. The ephemerality OF SHOWBIZ ITSELF.

Aren't all these actors risking their damn careers by potentially BLOWING UP THEIR SHIPS for the sake of this show? (I mean, that's actually a little far-fetched, as FirstKhao will be the first GMMTV pair to have an intercontinental fanmeet, BUT STILL.) God, the commentary on the FICKLENESS of showbiz was just CHEF'S KISS.

5) As Ranch noted, this was the episode where CHANNNNNGGGGEEEEE was the big bell ringing. Top needed something different than his sexual monotony -- so he goes after Mew, and shit, homes is bored AF. (@lurkingshan covered this perfectly here.) Mew contemplates changing for Top, the LASIK, the sex, all of it. Top seems to try a different kind of sex with Mew -- soft and romantic sex that ends with "I love you." Nick (oh, my bubby Nick), changes for Boston, becomes ripped, finds buttons and slacks. Boston contemplates whittling his list down. Ray wears secondhand (lol, it's called "vintage," asshole). Sand changes his routine to accommodate Ray.

And yet. I very, very often say in my posts that the process of behavioral change is INCREDIBLY difficult.

The five stages of behavioral change are: pre-contemplation, contemplation (Nick and the podcast), preparation, action (Nick at the gym), and maintenance.

The risk to this process, at any point in time, is: RELAPSE.

Think of how difficult it is to quit smoking. To go on a diet. To start an exercise routine. To stop biting your nails.

What is the thing that marks these processes more than anything else?

It's the RELAPSE into the old behavior, the old habits.

We really saw Boston trying to change...something. Trying to stick out...something with Nick. Trying on something new. Kinda like the way Ray tried on his secondhand shirt.

And then Boston experiences a familiar trigger: a trigger of jealousy when Mew calls him, innocently, to give Boston the heads-up that he's about ready to experience some cherry magic.

And that trigger, like all of our own triggers -- stress, a change of environment, a change of the people around you -- sent Boston back to a place.

Listen, I will, in no way, ever defend Boston's behavior. He was drunk and high AF, and he's generally toxic. Jojo is totally egging this on.

I would absolutely call Boston an equal opportunity asshole. He's only seeing the world from his own worldview, his own desires, his own desire to control whatever he can control around him.

But like I said before: toxicity is FAR more common that we'd like to believe. And toxicity within someone doesn't disappear very easily -- just like any of our habits, be they good or bad habits.

Boston was trying out a new life, for a few minutes (lol), of being a LITTLE LESS EPHEMERAL, a little less aloof -- a little less toxic. And a trigger brought him back to his bad place, and I think what we saw in that damn outburst was a relapse of the highest order.

Ray repeats to Nick what Top and Cheum have already said. This guy, Boston? He's nasty. Stay away. Boston's an asshole. Boston's still being stigmatized, and still living up to his label.

How would I summarize all of this? Throughout this ENTIRE episode, what was screaming within my head, as I said above, was: youth is fleeting. Youth itself is ephemeral. The experiences these young folks are going through at this moment in this show will build their experiences for how they will survive (or not) in their futures.

We may think that Boston, and Ray, and Mew, will not learn from their dumbass behavior, but -- they will. They will have no choice. Because their time being this young, and inexperienced, and idiotic, will flee. They'll graduate, and they will have to learn how to survive in a "real" world that may very well be far more brutal to them than their proximate friendships are to them right now. And man, if they have to experience lives that are MORE brutal than these proximate friendships they have, then good LUCK to them, because, well -- shit. It ain't pretty the way it is right now.

...

P.S. I just thought this whole scene was brilliant. Sand, honey, you're not as innocent as your meow feelings are letting on. I'm holding you accountable for what you're saying to Ray, too.

P.P.S. JENNIE.

(HAPPY SUNDAY, EPHEMERALITY SQUAD! @ranchthoughts @lurkingshan @neuroticbookworm @distant-screaming @slayerkitty @clara-maybe-ontheroad @twig-tea)

(HEY, SQUAD: if you tag me in things, and I forget to reblog, send me a DM! I'm on the last stages of this moving chapter of my life, and I don't wanna miss your meta!)

128 notes · View notes

booasaur · 2 years

Note

random ask which isn't even an ask but... i've just finished kevin can f himself s1 and there was something bothering me and i just had to talk about it with someone who has watched the show. anyways

first of all, i love allison/patty, their relationship is deliciously developed and i'm positive they are going to be endgame (i have to believe that bc otherwise it would be a freaking queerbaiting and we can't have that)

now talking about patty/tammy. for hours i've had a strange feeling about them but was having a hard time putting that into words. at first i immediately liked them as a couple for no reason (ok, i tend to like side couples even when i know they are not gonna make it to the end, maybe i like the drama, sue me). then tammy's attitude started to slightly bother me, like the way she was kinda pushy (trying to teach patty how to like vodka?) and straightforward idk. and i was like "great, now the fandom is going to hate her and nobody is shipping them and there will be 0 fanfiction about them". then i realized, that's not why people don't like her/the ship. the fans weren't going to like it no matter how, the show just gave them an excuse. tammy was destined to be disliked bc she is a black woman who got in the way of two white women who are strongly shipped. the same could be said about sam as an asian man.

and it reminded me a lot of dead to me s2 (the two shows are very similar btw). except that the character who got in the way of the "main couple" (both also white women) is a latina and also a very nice person. despite that, despite her being the healthiest relationship one of the main characters has ever had, most of the fandom hates her for no reason other than She Got In The Way Of Their Ship.

anyway, this is just a random rant about this trend of shows putting a poc between the fandom's favorite ship. and i hate that kcfh made tammy kinda annoying bc i find it 1) a lazy way of making her and patty break up in the future and 2) the perfect excuse for the fandom to dislike her as much as they want.

i guess i just wanted to verbalize that feeling and know someone's opinion on that.

(okay to make it public)

Heh, I'm not as sure about you on the endgame part, nor did I see the reaction toward Natalie Morales's character on Dead Like Me or even really Tammy outside of pointing out the ways in which her behavior hasn't been great, but yeah, in general I'd agree with you on how fandom treats POC and how media itself enables that.

I had the same reaction as you where initially I was like, oh, cool, that's gonna be romantic, and then kind of wincing every time Tammy was overbearing or pushy, because it really is convenient writing to make her unlikable. I'm not even sure for what purpose, unless they want Patty to stand on her own as well, or if the point is simply, people aren't perfect.

And yeah, they aren't, so some might say, well, why can't Tammy be a little imperfect, POC should get to be flawed and messy, but it's really quite different when they're not given much agency and interiority. Hell, POC who ARE given more space and time as leads and co-leads to establish their feelings aren't given much grace by audiences, so I do think that as nice and luxurious as it is to be like, I'm going to write this character as annoying and unlikable because they should be allowed to be, writers DO need to be aware of the reality in which their work is consumed.

Even white women, right, on a sliding scale compared to what white men get away with, can be disliked unfairly but WOC, I mean, a case study on their treatment on DCTV alone is proof that they can be everything that people think they should be, brave, noble, gracious, also flawed and imperfect, and people will just be terrible about them. In a TON of m/f ships (and probably more f/f ships, the more we get), it's so common to see the perfect but not perfect for them Black girlfriend obstacle to the "main" ship, the Disposable Black Girlfriend trope has a name.

Plus, this is IF these characters are written with good intentions, a lot of the time other biases do sneak in. It's not a coincidence most of the main cast is white, that the two rival love interests are POC. Yeah, Kevin is the worst character on the show and a white guy, but characters like Sam and Tammy don't get the luxury of five million portrayals as good guys and antiheroes and deconstructions the way Kevin does.

I'd like to say that Tammy third-wheeling what is now clearly the main love story of the show (mutually romantic or not) would always have placed her at a disadvantage, even if she'd been played by a white actress, but I dunno about that, lol. I've seen people really like these kinds of side ships (the beTRAYAL from the Lost Girl fandom...).

Ultimately, I know you're not really asking a question, just making an observation, and I definitely get what you're saying, even if this isn't the most egregious case of it. But hey, if you want to see Candice Coke not be treated like that, try to give Proven Innocent a chance if you haven't already.

#replies #femslash related stuff #sent on 20220913 #mariaaxescallop #5 #kevin can fuck himself #man I had so many plans for before tonight #was gonna clear out so many asks and gifsets for ncis but well here we are

7 notes · View notes

strangertheory · 4 years

Text

A “perfect” ending?

Thank you for Asking, @strangerbylerss ! I was a Tumblr amateur once again, and I accidentally tried to save your Ask as a Draft and it disappeared. Thankfully, I’ve started taking screenshots of all Asks so I don’t lose track of them so I’m replying in a post like this.

What do I envision as a “perfect ending” that the public would say is not forced that involves Mike and Will falling in love and becoming a couple? Well. As you probably have noticed, I already see Mike and Will’s strong bond as canon and as an essential part of the very structure of the entire series. I personally believe that any other ending would feel forced and as though the writers had diverged from their original plans that they foreshadowed in seasons 1, 2, and 3. But! I respect that my opinion on that topic is controversial in the context of the popular fandom understanding of the series thus far, and I am happy to describe my thoughts on the direction that the series might take next, how that might involve Mike and Will’s relationship, and what I would personally like to see addressed in the story by the end of season 5.

It is, of course, important for the writers to explore Mike and Will’s relationship from this point forward in a way that continues to be consistent with the established Stranger Things universe and any canon details that we have been given so far in the first three seasons. I think Mike and Will have quite a lot of hurdles to get through, but that those hurdles are an intrinsic part of the story and that they will be addressed in the final seasons. Whether they face their challenges together earlier on, or whether those challenges need to be dealt with before they feel comfortable admitting their feelings for each other, remains to be seen. I have a hunch, however, that the mysterious events and odd happenings with the Mindflayer are directly connected to what Will is struggling with in the story, and as such it only makes sense that in the process of confronting the Mindflayer and conquering the personal issues that Will is dealing with that he will also inevitably confront his feelings for Mike.

I trust the Duffer Brothers and the writing team behind Stranger Things to continue telling a great story just as they have been thus far. Season 4 and 5 will undoubtedly feature more monsters and strange happenings around Hawkins, the Upside Down, and now wherever Hopper is (presumably Russia) and wherever the Byers Family has moved to. I am wary of hypothesizing too far into plot-related specifics since I think that's entirely dependent on the writers' creative decisions and something that could take many different paths, but I'm happy to share a very general idea of one route that I could envision the story taking that I think could be very satisfying.

Hints and clues in the series so far suggest that Will is dealing with a lot of trauma, and I believe that there is evidence that Will is also dealing with a significant amount of internalized homophobia. Canonically, the Mindflayer is implied to be connected to Will's emotional state in some way or at the very least heavily influences it. Will is pulled into the Upside Down in season 2 when he is afraid: first while trick-or-treating when startled by the bullies in masks, and again when at school and frightened by Dart in the bathroom. Will senses the Mindflayer in season 3 while watching Mike and El holding hands on the hill as they walk home, and he senses the Mindflayer while at the movies alone with Mike. I hypothesize that these season 3 moments in which Will senses the Mindflayer are specifically triggered by Will’s intense fear and anxiety over his repressed feelings for Mike. I believe that by the end of the series Will has to confront many of his fears in order to effectively deal with the Mindflayer, and his internalized homophobia is a significant source of fear and anxiety for him. I theorize that he will have to face his feelings for Mike eventually, and that it is actually a critical part of the logical resolution of the story.

Mike, meanwhile, has his own challenges. We are led to understand that Mike has a lot of deep insecurities and wants to be loved and accepted by other people, and also very much cares about doing the “right” thing. As rebellious as Mike can sometimes act, you can tell that he values the respect of his friends and he also might feel like he needs to live up to his strict and orderly parents’ expectations in order to be loved. I might be projecting a bit here, but while growing up in a household that was very strict and had lots of rules, I often felt like if I broke a rule or if I didn’t live up to my parents’ expectations that their love might actually be revealed to be entirely conditional someday.

For Mike and Will to end up together in a way that I would consider narratively consistent with the themes in Stranger Things so far, I believe that season 4 and season 5 need to address:

Will’s trauma

Will’s severe internalized homophobia

Mike’s insecurities and his desire for love and approval

their separation now that the Byers Family moved out of Hawkins

The perfect ending, for me, would involve Will finally starting to confront his trauma and any parts of his past that are haunting him in the present, and working through his internalized homophobia and the ghost of his father’s abuse. I would hope to see Mike recognizing that even if people don’t approve of what he wants to do with his life that he will ultimately be much happier when he is honest with himself and with others about his feelings and who he is regardless of what society expects. I think that Karen Wheeler will be particularly happy that her son is able to understand this in a way that she struggled to when she was younger.

If I were to predict the chronology of certain plot-points: I might guess that in season 4 we will follow Mike figuring out his feelings for Will while in Hawkins, and that Will would be working through his trauma and dealing with the Mindflayer with El and Joyce and Jonathan wherever they’ve relocated to. Will, in all likelihood, is probably still under the heartbreaking impression that Mike does not return his feelings, that being queer means that he will never have the chance to be happy like his friends, and that he is alone and unworthy of romantic love. We might see a rather angsty contrast between Mike realizing his feelings for Will while in Hawkins and becoming more passionately confident about it, while Will is off on his own facing horrible things and convinced that Mike will never return his feelings. (The drama!) At some point, the adventures in Hawkins will probably collide with the adventures with the Mindflayer once again, and the cast will be reunited through various twists of fate. When reunited, Mike might be prepared to confess his feelings for Will but plans could be thrown awry as sinister plots unfold and antagonists gain the upper hand in the season’s latest conflict. Since it is the penultimate season, I wouldn't be shocked if they leave us with a grittier cliffhanger than even season 3 and Hopper's (incorrectly) presumed death.

I think there’s any number of ways that the writers could address the main conflict in the series while also addressing the emotional conflicts of the story and offer us a very satisfying conclusion to both over the course of season 4 and season 5. I’ve given you a peek into one of many different hypothetical scenarios that I’ve imagined might take place and that could work, but I trust that whatever route the Duffer Brothers decide to take with the story that it will be excellent.

In conclusion: the perfect ending for Stranger Things, for me, would involve Hopper, Will, El, and Mike (and everyone else!) being safe and healthy and happy and confronting their fears, their traumas, and their feelings while being honest with their loved ones and themselves about what matters most to them. And I do think this will involve Mike falling in love with his friend that went missing in November 1983, and them living a very happy life together for the rest of their days.

Thank you for your Ask!

*Edit: I realize that I should briefly address Mike and El’s former dating relationship since oftentimes fans see their rom-com drama in season 3 as the largest hurdle between Mike and Will becoming a couple by the end of the series. I see Mike and El’s dynamic, and El and Will’s eerie connections to one another, as being an intrinsic part of the emotional journey of self-discovery and self-love that Mike and Will are going through. I believe that El and Will's stories are intertwined and that they are not entirely independent from each other. I won’t elaborate in this post, but you can read some of my thoughts on Will and El’s connection to each other here and you can read my opinion of Mike and El’s current dynamic here. In short: I don’t see Mike and El’s relationship as being in direct conflict with Mike and Will becoming a couple, I actually see Mike and El’s dynamics as frequently directly supporting the theory that Mike has feelings for Will. @kaypeace21 also has an excellent write-up on the way that El and Mike’s break-up in season 3 directly parallels Will and Mike’s fight, and the way that the tone of those scenes reveal Mike’s feelings. You can read that here.

#byler #stranger things theory #stranger things #stranger things 4 #will byers #mike wheeler #byler is real #byeler #byler is canon #stranger things analysis

76 notes · View notes

mejomonster · 2 years

Text

I know the current bi rep in shows overall isn't perfect, but woe does it mean a lot to me just how much more common it us to nowadays find lots of mainstream watched shows that have explicitly bi characters in them

When I was growing up there was rarely lgbt representation in shows unless they were specifically made for lgbt audiences (buffy is the only one I can think of, or a couple eps in ds9, xena was subtext but the close, then there was queer as folk and the l word that mainstream wasn't watching)

And now? I can check out a show a family member recommends, and there's a good chance there's a bi character like me. Not always, but a decent amount of time. How to Get Away With Murder. The 100. Pretty Little Liars. Person of Interest. Orphan Black. Black Sails. (And I can find cdramas with bo characters like Bureau of Transformers like Two Souls in One like Bromance, can find Thai dramas like 3 Will Be Free, Japanese dramas like Kieta Hatsukoi). Can find video games like Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Assasins Creed, Life is Strange, The Last of Us 2. A lot of these aren't perfect by any means and some I like or dislike more than others.

But when I was growing up? People told me flat out that bisexuals didnt exist. Authority figures, peers, told me how I felt wasn't valid and I needed to "pick." Told be bisexual just meant I wanted to sleep with everything that moved (which yes fucked up to say to a person and fucked up to say to a 15 year old kid). And I had so little way of knowing any better, of examples of myself to counteract what I was being told and expected to do. My school GSA also didn't think bisexuality was a 'thing,' but instead a 'phase' or for attention or people who haven't made up their mind (and god do those beliefs make me angry). It took years of being surrounded by this and occasionally thank God meeting another bisexual person who felt like I did and understood, of finding online lgbt resources that recognized bisexuality, it took finding more community.

And now its just. I'm so glad if I was a show I can see someone like me. I'm so glad no one in my family can say "bisexuality isn't real" because it's not something to believe anymore - I can point out a celebrity who's popular who's bisexual, I can mention a show a movie a game they've seen and bring up what bisexuality is in case they want to play pretend that they cant understand what it is. But growing up people genuinely got away with saying it wasn't real, claiming you were in a phase or being a freak, and you couldn't find another person like you at your age who wasn't being fed the same bullshit to hate themselves and wonder why people were calling their feelings fake, you couldn't find a piece of popular media and go THATS what I'm like goddamn it.

God it isn't perfect by any means but representation does matter and I'm so glad to see the increases that have happened over the last couple decades. (In the movie industry in some ways its gotten worse mind you, Disney being one particular fucker). But just like... if I'd been 15 and seen Annalise Keating on TV I might have known bisexuality is real and I can grow up and have an established life and there's bisexuals who know their sexuality and live their lives. If id seen The 100 I might have realized you can love multiple genders and not have to 'pick' like all the fucking adults in my life claiming. I remember so fondly But I'm a Cheerleader growing up cause it's was a rare movie I saw where a girl who loves a girls feelings were treated as REAL and they got a happy ending. Just seeing lgbt people at all as explicitly accepting of their sexuality and acknowledged and having a happy ending was notable. I remember even Jennifer's Body stood out back then because even not being the main point, and being a horror, it was nice to see another bi teen girl like I was in anything. There's still so much more Id like improved on and more diversity shown and more stories in general explored. But it's nice to see bi people at all in common things now, on channels other than specifically for lgbt audiences, it's nice to see enough now that I know a person watching regular media is more likely to at least vaguely know lgbt people Exist. (Whereas when I was growing up, if you weren't watching lgbt channel stuff or japanese bl anime you were unlikely to see lgbt people mentioned at all as a thing that even might exist - even shows that barely do much now like Teen Wolf having a minor gay character where it's explicitly acknowledged is more than mainstream media was likely to show when I was growing up). I'm just. I'm glad there's a bit more visibility.

#rant #bi #i just. got a bit overhwelmed #i remember growing up my own family telling me my sexuality wasnt real #and now THEY regularly watch stuff with open bisexuals #now their kids do. now i dont have to keep it a fucking secret if i do #wow have things changed in 10 years. at least television show wisr

1 note · View note

krysyuy · 3 years

Note

hi! i'm currently shoved in the world of cdrama (😭)and would like to ask what's your most recommended cdrama? current or finished drama will do! thanks!! <3

First off, anon, I’m shocked that you would come to my inbox to ask me this, lmao. I don’t think I’ve posted very much cdrama content, which is actually quite strange, since I’m watching them almost exclusively at the moment (and I went through a cdrama phase earlier this year and last year too). I haven’t touched a kdrama since Flower of Evil, though Tale of the Nine-Tailed is supposed to be next on my list. The timing just hasn’t been right on my end…

Anyways! Enough about kdramas, you asked about cdramas. Now I’m not sure what genre you’re looking for, so I’ll just throw out my personal recommendations across the map. I’m incapable of recommending just one, lol.

Please note that while I’m watching cdramas currently, my pool of cdramas actually isn’t particularly deep compared to others. I may not have watched any of the classics or what would be considered top-tier dramas that other blogs may recommend (e.g. Nirvana in Fire, etc).

I’ll “spoil” whether the endings are happy or not, but I won’t go into detail.

- General’s Lady (2020) !!!!! - I’m watching it on YouTube, but I just found out Viki has it too, lol. The subs are up to Episode 15 (out of 30). This is currently airing. I adore it and am absolutely obsessed. I plan to gif this series eventually. The story isn’t complicated, but this drama hits all my fluff kinks. The OTP has great chemistry, and the sweet moments (the kisses! the skinship!) are off the charts. Cheesy? Yes. 110% down my alley? Absolutely, lmao. Caesar Wu has managed to capture my heart with this role (an icy general who ends up head over heels for his lady), and he’s been added to my list of favorite c-actors to look out for. The female lead is smart and spunky, and she’s very proactive which is refreshing. She can also be very cute without it getting annoying. I couldn’t resist watching raws ahead and - to no one’s surprise, I imagine - it’s a happy ending. There’s also a mystifying scene at the end, which I hope subs will provide context for. A strange but not unwelcome surprise. I’m also kind of hoping this means the team is open to a Season 2, lmao.

- The Rise of Phoenixes (2018) - Completed. Watched it on Netflix. This was actually my first cdrama. It set the bar quite high in terms of the fantastic overall quality with the actors, production value, etc etc. Unfortunately, while this drama is very well-done, it did not escape the clutches of the censors and it got a bit chopped up towards the end, iirc. And a happy ending, this does not have. But I still think it’s worth the watch! Heartbreaking OTP and all.

- Gank Your Heart (2019) - Completed. Watched it… elsewhere. E-sports drama. Romance! I had no idea “gank” was an actual word before this drama, lmao. Anyways, the characters are great, the OTP is sweet, and it’s just fun all around. Happy ending~ Give us a season 2!

- The King’s Avatar (2019) - Completed. Watched it on Netflix. E-sports drama. No romance. The novel this is based on is massive but fantastic. I actually just spent the last couple weeks of October finally binge-reading it, lol. The drama doesn’t remain true to the novel, which can’t be helped since the novel mostly focuses on stuff that happens in the game. The drama instead chooses to focus a lot on what happens outside of it, fleshing out the characters and building on what the novel gave us. (Or, for better or worse, going in a different direction for dramatization.) We see how our protagonist team comes together and develops, and their relationships with each other. I actually watched this while it was airing, and I remember eagerly waiting for each episode weekly. I didn’t realize until later that novel readers weren’t happy with it since it deviates so much. I think you just have to treat it as its own thing. Happy ending! Hopefully there’s a Season 2.

- Love O2O (2016) - Completed. Watched it on Netflix. I didn’t recall until afterwards that this was a pretty big hit while it was airing, lol. I watched this after The King’s Avatar because of the male lead, Yang Yang. Solidified my love for him, which was already pretty strong after TKA. A romcom set against the gaming world, it hits all the right spots. Happy ending ofc ♥

- Eternal Love (2017) - Completed. Watched it on Netflix (see a pattern? lmao). This one I actually remembered people loving, lol. Again, I was late to the game on this one, but I definitely got the hype. Epic OTP with an epic storyline, it’s responsible for my love of the xianxia genre with story elements like cultivation, immortal/heavenly characters, love trials, etc etc. Happy ending, which the OTP deserved after all their struggles.

- The Untamed (2019) - Completed. Watched on a variety of platforms while it was airing, but it’s on Netflix now, lol. Based on a BL novel. While it couldn’t be stated explicitly, it’s there as much as it can be without the censors coming after them. I actually almost forgot to recommend this? lmao You must’ve heard of it or have already watched it, but its popularity is well-deserved. Another epic OTP with an epic storyline. I’m not too up to date with the cdrama world, but I’m hoping the other works from this author get adapted to live action as well. I consider it a happy ending; it was as good as we were gonna get without the censors touching it.

- Love the Way You Are (2019) - Completed. Watched it on YouTube. Romcom. This kind of has a wacky premise, at least in regards to the female lead’s “disease”. It takes suspension of disbelief, but I was somehow charmed by both her and the male lead. Try to give it a chance, and the OTP’s chemistry may capture you too. Happy ending!

- The Prince of Tennis (2019) - Completed. Watched it on Netflix. Not sure if you’re into sports dramas, but if you like the original Japanese manga this is based on or just the shounen genre in general, this is for you! The adaptation is fantastic and pretty true to the source material, physics-defying tennis and all. The characters and their relationships are a lot of fun, and my friends and I had a great time watching them. Netflix has 40 episodes, while MyDramaList lists 42 episodes. I personally think Netflix just re-edited the episodes for length (making each episode 45min instead of 35min) instead of it being a typo or there being a mysterious missing two eps. They’ve actually done this with a Taiwanese drama I was watching back in the day (can’t recall which one), so it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s the case here. Ofc a happy ending with hopefully a Season 2.

Anon, I’m not sure if you’ve watched or are currently watching some of these, but I hope this list helps! Enjoy!!! ♡✧( ु•⌄• )

#anonymous #asks #krysyuy ♥s cdramas #cdrama #general's lady #love the way you are #the king's avatar

16 notes · View notes

hardforbenhardy · 4 years

Text

somebody to love pt.2 | rogerxreader

warnings: fluff, sad vibes a lil, smallest tiniest inference of sex (blink and you’ll miss it)

word count: 4.1k

part 2 of somebody to love is here! it’s going a little slow, but i promise, we will get some roger/reader action next chapter!!

taglist: @jennyggggrrr

It is finally Monday, the day you've been dreading all weekend after the little... incident. Your minds been clouded with thoughts of what Roger may do, you could barely spend time with your Ma and Pa the whole of yesterday. Not to mention, they were kind of disappointed at the fact you didn't have the money to pay for their water bills. You’re pulled from your dreams by the blaring sound of your alarm from your bedside table, a groan releasing from your lips as you push yourself from the comfort of your silk sheets. You can hear Freddie's angelic voice soaring through the apartment as he sings along to the radio; it's like waking up to the melodic tunes of birds outside your window, but better. You quickly got dressed, knowing you don't have a lot of time before you need to be in school, and run down stairs to grab a snack from the kitchen. Freddie notices you, but instead of saying anything, he just gave you a huge grin and a thumbs up as a form of motivation. It's strange how Freddie is able to light up any room he is in, if only you had that ability, you may actually have friends. Not that you don't like your life already- sure it has its rather larger downsides, but you like spending time by yourself; it's calming, you don't have to rely on people and most importantly people don't have to rely on you. It's just, you’re fucking lonely. That's it basically. Everyone your age is in relationships, or sleeping around, or at least getting it on with someone in more than a friendship kind of way - and you’re just not. You wander through the university campus to class, which starts in 10 minutes, and you see couples cuddling and/or making out; large groups of friends laughing and having fun; the sport teams having a large football match on the field; the drama club sitting around to learn their scripts; even the music club playing their instruments to mildly entertain passers by such as you (which in fact, it is much more irritating than it is entertaining at 9 in the morning). Everyone seems so active and full of joy, and then there's you. You don't know why you’re so separated from everyone else, you've just always been like this. You remember on the first day of secondary school, you were sat alone the whole day; no one sat with you, spoke to you, no one even knew your name - you were known as "that weird girl" for the first 3 months of your education, until the teacher finally picked on you to present in class and you had to start by saying your name. You liked it then if you were being honest, you didn't have to reach anyone's expectations and you certainly weren’t a victim of peer pressure - but now it just makes you feel like a piece of shit. Sure, you have Freddie, but it's not exactly much is it. You just wish you had someone who would love you for you and actually want to spend time with you; is that so much to ask for?

As you entered the dry lab, you noticed that everyone was there but one person in particular. Roger. Fuck sake, where is he? You went to sit in your secluded seat, in the corner of the room, praying to God Roger wasn't in today at all and he had bunked off. Your racing thoughts were interrupted by Mrs. Smith raising her voice:

"Okay, class, instead of a test, we are doing a small practical today - it doesn't go towards anything, but it is important we understand the skills and can therefore apply it to any furt-" And with that, Roger burst through the door, panting and wheezing like he had just ran a mile. "Ah, Mister Taylor, late again are we? Look, if you want to get your degree, I suggest you buckle down and get here on time - this isn't an easy course and I'm not going to teach you if this is how you treat it"

"Sorry, my um, my car broke down and I had to run to school" Roger heaved, placing both his hands on his knees as he faced the ground and took in long hard breaths. Droplets of sweat glided down his forehead as he attempted to catch his breath, and you couldn't help but admire the way it framed his face; his hair still scraggly from sleep, and his clothes slightly torn from what you presumed was multiple trips when running. He looked strangely sexy. Fuck. Why were you thinking like this? But it's true... his voice was raspy and choked, from the running - but you can only imagine that's what he always sounds like when he's exhausted. When else might he be exhausted? God, you could only imagine his voice whispering into my ears after a long, hard -

"Do you mind love?" - you were pulled from your daydream, looking up to see him stood there, staring at the empty seat beside you. Your heart began to beat at an irregular pace. Why is he talking to you? Why is he sitting next to you? Did he just call you love? Does he recognise you? Is this some kind of sick joke to him? "Oh- uh, n-no" you stuttered, struggling to even form a simple sentence after your overwhelming wave of emotions which had just washed over you. He threw his briefcase on the floor beside him; pulling out his folder, which was half the size of yours, making you wonder whether Roger actually takes notes in this class or rather it's all just stored in that incredible brain of his. God he is so smart. And sometimes, like today, he has to wear his glasses in class if he forgets his sunglasses, which perfectly frame his face; they make him look so fucking sexy. OMG what the fuck is going on with you?! "Uh- uhm, why are you sitting next to me?" you barely choked out, trying to take your mind off the whole... Roger's incredibly overwhelming persona.

"Prof said we are partnered for this practical, love" He explained, tone still deep and stifled although his breathing has began to go back to normal. You could sense an awkward tension between the two of you the moment he sat down; you knew this was a bad idea and you knew you should've just bunked off. As he began to prepare the equipment for the practical, you couldn't help but stare at his face; his eyes clouded over as he bites his bottom lip from utter concentration. "See something you like?"

He lifted his head, smirking in your direction after you snap out of my trance; you had been staring at him while chewing on the end of your pen. "Oh- uhh, sorry. Sorry. Nice glasses" you panicked, swiftly turning your head in the other direction, until you heard a chuckle and a small 'thanks' come from beside you- which you were instantly able to recognise as Rogers, considering he was the only person who has sat next to you in the past few months on this course. The suspense in the atmosphere only got heightened with every second going past, and you couldn't bare to sit here anymore. "Look, I know you saw me on Saturday. I don't know if you've sat here to tease me or take the piss or whatever but I'm not in the fucking mood- I'm surviving off 3 hours sleep and 5 coffees so if you're not even going to talk to me about what you saw, then you can piss off"

Roger doesn't say anything to respond, and instead just looked at you with a semblance of speechlessness, as if he's trying to conjure up a sentence in which he won't offend or make things more awkward than they already are - failing of course as he eventually comes out with "Y-you have nice moves". You felt your cheeks immediately blush, getting redder and redder; although his words sent chills down your spine, you couldn't let it show.

"What the fuck Roger!" you exclaimed, slapping his arm harder than you originally intended, as he acknowledged it with a sharp 'ow' and quickly reached to rub the now-red area as a way of soothing it. "Sorry . But seriously, you can't tell anyone. Please. If you do, my life will be fucking ruined and I plan on actually doing something with it and if people fin-"

"Y/N, I'm not going to tell anyone." He quickly retorted, making your head turn to face him as a sudden feeling of shock ran through you. Why wouldn't he tell people? "R-really?!" you spluttered, the words barely reaching the surrounding.

"Why would I tell people?"

"Erm, because it's not exactly a thing I should be proud of and you could ruin my life with it and that's kind of what you popular kids do, not to mention you probably think I'm a slut or something because of it" you mumbled, shying away from making any form of eye contact with him. Mainly because the atmosphere is getting increasingly more awkward by the second, but also because you can't deny; you could stare into his eyes all day and I'm afraid if you start you may not be able to stop.

"I'm not that much of a dickhead, love. I don't know why you have... that job, but I'm not going to go around spreading your personal shit."

"Right, sorry. Thank you." you let a fake smile grow on your face, and once noticing him return a wide grin - it became a real one. There was a small moment of silence before you asked one question that had undoubtedly been on my mind all weekend; "W-what were you actually doing there? There are never any lads younger than 30 in that place"

"Oh, erm, I was meant to meet a girl there"

"For a date? You were going to take a girl on a date to a strip club" you emphasised, trying your hardest not to laugh loudly at the idiocy of the Rogers idea of a good date.

"Yeah. But I didn't know it was a strip club - she was the one who gave me the address and told me to meet her there. But she never showed." He explained, with a small sadness to his tone. You felt a pang of guilt and empathy wash over you as he spoke, understand completely how it feels to be stood up; it has happened on multiple occasions and you've basically accepted it's your destiny to be alone by now. "Oh, I'm sorry. She sounds like a bitch"

"She kind of was - I only agreed to the date because she was a good shag" Roger muttered under his breath, most likely hoping you didn't hear him; but you did. You almost choked at his statement, but really you just feel a little shit. You know, of course, Roger is what some might call a 'ladies man'; but the idea of him sleeping around isn't something you keep on your mind because you let it get to you. You say you'd like to be one of those girls, but honestly, you don't just want to be a one time shag that Roger has before moving onto the next. Which is exactly the reason you had originally attempted to push all the feelings you had for Roger deep, deep down - but of course they can't stay down for long, because as soon as Roger walked in the room, you had fallen all over again. And before you knew it, it was the end of the session. Which meant you'd now have to go to the library for the next 4 hours, sitting by yourself and reading over your notes for the hundredth time, pretending like you didn't just want to scrap all your work and quit. As you began to pack my stuff away, you heard Roger cough beside me - in the kind of way that says he's asking for your attention. "Hey, Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

"Erm, I'm performing at Imperial tonight, would you maybe want to come along? I understand if you're busy or something, I mean you are always studying, not that that's a bad thing but I understand if you can't come, I just thought you could do with some fun and I think you're a really nice girl and I wanted to hang out some more you know- but like I said, you don't have to come, you're probably super busy so" Roger muttered, looking to the floor whilst twiddling his thumbs; nerves prominent in his tone. A wide grin grew on your face as he spoke; he wanted to hang out.

"I'd love to - like you said, I could do with a night out that doesn't involve biology in any form." you smiled, as Rogers head shoots up and he gives you a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushed through you. He threw his bag over his shoulder, before heading out; you following shortly after. "So, what do you mean by performing?"

"Oh, well I'm in a band with some of my mates, it's nothing much. We play every Sunday and Monday night." He explained, hands in his jean pockets as he walked me home. Slightly stunned by his admission, you looked up at him before asking "What do you play then?"

"Oh, I'm the drummer"

And with that, you were frozen in your place as you stood in shock at the new revelation. Roger Taylor was a drummer? Your eyes widened and your mouth fell ajar at the unfamiliar thought, your mind trying to comprehend such information. Not only is Roger Taylor smoking hot, super kind (well, he seemed) AND incredibly intelligent - but he also plays the drums? Just when you thought he possibly couldn't get any more attractive, he goes and pulls this out of the bag. Roger notices your sudden halting, and turns to look at you with a confused face; "Hey, you okay? You need help?" He cautioned, the worry prominent in his tone, snapping you out of the trance you were in.

"What? Oh, yeah, sorry, just got lost in my thoughts" you chuckled, looking towards the ground as embarrassment grew on your cheeks, pacing forward to catch up with Roger who was at least 5 steps in front of you. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"Huh?" you questioned, furrowing your brows as your head shot up to face. If he was now going to make you come up with a fake thought in less than five seconds, you think you may just freak out, because there is no way you can explain to him that you fancy him and therefore was dreaming about the absolute charmer he was. "Penny for your thoughts - what you thinking about?"

Fuck.

"What are we, 5 years old?" you giggled, putting a sharp facade of humour when you knew deep down your brain was racking for something, anything that may sound at least an inch better than 'I think I may love you'.

"Come on, I can tell something's bothering you. You can trust me you know - I thought I'd have proven that by now"

"I just... why are you talking to me?" you sputter out, it being the first thing to come to your head.

"What on earth do you mean?"

"I mean, why are you even associating yourself with me - I'm the weird loner who sits in the back of class, who no one talks to, or even looks at, who has one friend and has a job as a stripper. I'm not stupid Roger, I know people don't want to associate themselves with the 'quiet' girl, so why are you?" you ranted, finally releasing a long breath after venting, feeling tears pricked your eyes as you realised you were now facing your actual reality. Why was Roger suddenly trying to be your friend? "I mean, was this some kind of dare? Or have you decided you want to add me to your list of sexual escapades because don't think I haven't noticed you've only started talking to me after seeing me strip. Or do you just want to cheat your way through the course, hoping I'll end up doing your work for you?"

You stopped after hearing a small chuckle from beside you, and looked to see Rogers face sporting a little grin, clearly amused by you. "Do you know what, just fuck off. Forget about tonight, I'm leaving" you raged, beginning to storm away as anger boiled inside you at Rogers apparent sense of humour, or lack thereof. He seriously found this funny, whilst you stood here, opening up feelings you would never usually share to anyone apart from Freddie. You tended to struggle opening up about your emotions to people, unless you have a decent amount of wine in my system to flush away the shame that is. Instead, you keep them buried deep down, and you know they're bound to erupt one day- you have a slight feeling today might just be the day. You were halted in your motion as the tight grasp of a hand clutched onto your wrist, causing you to stumble back. "No, wait, Y/N m'sorry! I wasn't laughing at you, I promise."

His apologetic tone rang in your ears, tears threatening to roll down your cheeks once again as you realised how pathetic you were actually being. "The fuck were you laughing at then, 'cause I don't see any fucking clowns wandering 'round here"

"I-I, I wasn't laughing at you! I just, well, I don't really have a reason- why do I need a reason? You are super cool and you seem nice, I just wanted to get to know you."

"You still didn't answer my question." you grumbled, pouting your lips out as you dropped your head to face the floor; your cheeks beginning to redden at the idea that Roger just wanted to get to know you. No one ever just wanted to get to know you; there was always a reason. They would use you to up their grade a little; they would feel sorry for you because you’re a fucking loner; they would attempt to be friendly in hopes of getting you into their bed for the night. That was admittedly the worst one, considering it was the most common. You have never had a true friend, let alone boyfriend, so you can certainly count on yourself to be the biggest virgin gracing this earth. You'd think having a job which was in that kind of area, you’d be basically the opposite; but you agreed with yourself when you started the job that if there was one thing you would never ever turn to, it'd be sleeping with the men in the club. Not only were they almost twice my age, but they weren't exactly the most graceful, gentlemanly men you'll ever meet. Not that Roger was any more chivalrous, from what you'd heard, but at least you were the same age and you actually know him. Though you may be completely conflicting personalities; you being a quiet, reserved, and overall anxious character and Roger being one of loud, adventurous, energetic tendencies; they say opposites attract... right?

"Okay, well, maybe I was laughing at you - but not in a bad way. I was just thinking, you are kind of cute when you are angry y'know" Roger confessed, trying to come off as if he was confident and almost flirty in his words, but you swear you saw his teeth grind from nerves as he spoke.You began to feel your cheeks flush at his simplistically adorable words. "I swear to god, Roger Taylor, if you are trying to flirt with me - I will walk away right now" you giggled, poking his chest a little harder than you expected, gaining a laugh from Roger too. As the laughter died down, you realised you had reached yours and Freddie's flat already, and you still had hours to kill until tonight.

"Erm, this is my block" you muttered, pointing to the entrance of the block of flats you were slowly approaching.

"I know - we live in the same block." He chuckled, opening the door and standing against it, his arm gesturing you to walk through. Maybe he was a gentleman? "Thank you. How come I never see you around the block?"

"I don't know - I've seen you around a few times, usually when you are going out in the evening; presumably to work. I mean, you are always in the library"

"I guess." you chuckled, beginning to walk up the steps to the third floor, where your flat resided. Roger followed swiftly behind, attempting to catch up with you. There was silence as you walked up the stairs; but it wasn't the uncomfortable kind of silence. It was more the kind where you just enjoy each others company in the moment. The better kind. Once you had reached your apartment door, Roger stopped, almost as if he knew where it was without even asking. You didn't bother to question how he knew which flat you lived in, and instead just began unlocking the door.

"I'll, erm, I guess I'll see you tonight? Meet me backstage once we finished our set?" He asked, leaning on his side against the entrance banister. You looked up, but continued turning the key in the lock with movement memory, swiftly taking the key out the lock and opening the door to walk through. "Yeah, of course. You don't mind if I bring Freddie with me do you? He loves a night out"

"Fred's your roommate right? Yeah, sure" He nodded, twiddling his thumbs together. You swear you heard him sigh and possibly roll his eyes at your suggestion, but you gave him a quick smile, as if to say 'see you tonight' before closing the door behind yourself and releasing a loud sigh. As soon as you had locked it, you slid down the wooden door letting out a muffled scream into the bundled coat now in your lap. You could hear Freddie's steps approaching you from the living room, quick paced with urgency. "You alright, darling?"

"Fucking amazing Fred" You grinned, the pace of your heart gradually decreasing again after its irregular habits when you were with Roger.

"I suspect it has something to do with the fact that I heard the one and only Roger Taylor's voice as you walked in the door?" He chuckled, finding your lustful infatuation merely a piece of comedy for his entertainment. "So where is it you are taking me for a night out then?"

"Roger invited me out to the Imperial, he's performing with his band - He plays the drums, Fred. I thought he was already an angel but then he reveals he's a fucking drummer too. Fred, I think I may just suffer a heart attack if I spend even one more second around him."

"So Roger invited you out? And you asked if I could come along? I think your brain has finally fizzled out, love. Are you completely insane?"

"I don't want to die. And I'm sure it'll happen if I have to spend any more time with him alone." you sighed, your heart beating out your chest at the mere thought of spending time with Roger by yourselves. God, how am you meant to cope in a relationship with him when you can barely even hold a conversation. "I said I'd meet him backstage after their set, so we should leave around 8? What should I wear? I don't own any nice clothes Fred! All my clothes are baggy jumpers and joggers - ugh Fred take me shopping!"

"You know I can't turn down a shopping spree darling, grab your shoes and coat!" Freddie exclaimed, making you chuckle under your breath at his extravagance. He held out his hand, which you hesitantly took into line, and yanked you up from your previously comfortable position you found for yourself on the floor. You pulled on your boots and coat, wrapping your scarf around your neck to accommodate for the autumn weather outside. Fred told you of a store just a 10 minute walk from the flat, which was his favourite shop to buy clothes in; Biba. He had never really mentioned the store until a few days back, after going to a small gig by himself. You just remember him coming home relatively sober and with a look of infatuation growing on his face and in his eyes. He never really talks about what happened that night - you just presumed he'd maybe had a good hookup.

15 notes · View notes

lowkeysebastianstan · 5 years

Note

hey there. I totally get your frustration with endgame and the ending. I wasn't happy and I'm not happy how half the fandom tells me/us how we have to look at it. how we have to accept it. how the actors are happy with it and so should we. how the writers/producers - okay, I'm gonna leave them out of this seeing neither of them have any idea what they have done in the first place. after all they disagree on everything in every interview since the release. and isn't that funny? (1/?)

how even they are not on one side with the movie? what I despise most right now when it comes to this movie and this fandom is how we are treated. how we should tag our “hate” - which I think is funny since I didn’t hate the movie entirely. I hated pieces of it, like I did with past movies. I never liked doctor strange and even back then people were allowed to mention how casting cumberbatch for the part wasn’t the smartest idea they had. (2/?)

people want us to be happy with an ending that doesn’t make sense to us and they appreciate and are “allowed” to shove down our throats with their happy posts about a perfect ending. how is taking tony’s life after he finally married pepper and got a daughter is perfect? how is sending steve back to peggy after they did everything in their power to convince us he moved on from his past life…how is that perfect? (3/?)

you can probably tell I’m bitter. I really am. there’s not a day that goes by I’m not frustrated with what we got after ten years and 22 movies. however, I thought to myself what would it give me to cling on to this on my blog. would it change anything? I do know I’m not alone. I see so many people agreeing with this anger and it gives me some sort of peace. at the end of the day, though, it’s also important to see what it gives to you. (4/?)

talking to one of my closest friends about it and voicing my frustration with the end helps me more than keep posting about it. because in the end it won’t change a thing. the longer I surround myself with the frustration and anger and everything that comes with this not being what I had hoped for the more it pushes me from the fandom. of course everyone do as they please and I get people who want to get it out of their system. (5/?)

but maybe sitting down and look at what the constant repeating will give you in the end, realizing where it might end, could help finding some kind of peace for you. I’d hope for you to enjoy the parts of the fandom that still apply to you. I really like your blog and you as a person and I’d hate to see one of my fave people on this site to leave (I lost count, but this is the last)

whew! hi right back, that was quite something.

i feel ive answered this ask before, was that also you?

i mean, yeah. i know im not alone, i do. i see some of it on my dash, but not a lot, since ive had to block every marvel related tag just to keep from indulging in some light murder (just gentle ones, not to worry), and i really cannot fathom why ppl on the other side of the isle can’t do the same? or if you’re getting tired of the negativity? blacklist. or unfollow, block even.

as ive said a few times lately, ive been here 6 years. and this is the first time ive aired my frustration in any noticeable way. sure there’s been a few occasions where i got the salt shaker out, but that was in relation to much more limited subjects, and it was a post or two at the most.

ive been frustrated with previous movies too, but ive kept my trap shut, ive just gone on, kept my queue stocked, giffed the rare set and hid behind pretty solid content, no drama, not personality, no engagement.

and it’s not too bad, to just be anonymous, to look at the pretty, spread the pretty, do the occasional tag rant, and let that be it.

but.

when i came back after a long hiatus last autumn i started writing again. i posted a psa where i apologised for the fact that i would reblog my writing on this blog, i informed what tags i was gonna use, and for the first time i actually checked my follower count before and after. i lost 20 followers the first day. for posting writing. my writing. that was tagged to a ridiculous degree. and i saw a fair few more disappear before the exodus, and idk. i made me realise a thing or two.

one, people like my blog and the content i post

two, they’re only here for that content

three, to have a strictly themed blog will limit you horribly

four, my followers in general don’t give a shit about me, only about the content i post, which fair enough

five, i care about that, even if i don’t care about the follower count as such, i do care that the ones i have actually like me

six, which is completely absurd bc none of them knows me at all, i never show myself

but that was then. this is now. and the last weeks has made me realise the most important thing of all, i dont care any more. why the fuck should i? when my showing any kind of negativity about something that i did care a whole lot about but i no longer have?

endgame might have killed all my enthusiasm for the mcu, and it fucking hurts. it’s been a staple in my life for years, ive invested my time, my creativity, my love and my goddamn money, and ive got jack shit to show for it. i have a blog that i used to love, but is becoming alien to me, and that hurts too. ive invested a lot in this blog too, after i deleted a few of my other blogs a couple of years back, this is by far my biggest one. and im torn tbh.

do i want to leave it? no, i don’t. can i go back? honestly? i doubt it. if my love for the mcu is gone, well so is bucky. and lets be real, a sebastian stan blog with no bucky? i cannot really see it, can you?

but hey. ill make you a deal, all of you. ill ease up on the memes, i won’t stop bc i have a few scheduled, you guys blacklist or unfollow if you dont want to see them, and ill see about sprinkling in some sebastian content if i can find any i deem worth it.

also i don’t have any close irl friends to air my frustrations with, everyone here loved this crap, and that’s not really the discourse im looking for. but im happy for you, it sounds nice :)

hope you’re having a great day!

eta: i won’t leave btw. not unless the porn hub thing comes into fruition. just so you know, and if anyone cares. just sayin.

eta2: also? the fact that i, or we, are complaining and being pissed at the movie, but the opposition are attacking us for doing that? instead of, again, fucking blacklist and leave us the fuck alone? yeah, doesn’t help with the bitter. if y’all are so threatened by our arguments, maybe you should reevaluate your own, seems you’re trying a bit too hard there. i don’t want to take enjoyment from anyone, i envy you too much for that, but ffs, just leave me the fuck alone to deal with it. (that’s not @ you, that’s to them)

eta3: and thank you for saying im someone you like. but see? ive been trolling you all, im terrible. and i expect you don’t like me as much now anyways. but thank you, it was nice to hear nevertheless.

#anon #ask #answered #anti endgame #see? i still tag it ffs #long post #so so long #hey i get it #the positivity is killing me #i get where you're coming from #but it's getting a bit tiresome to have people just come in and tell me to get over it #no matter how well you mean it #im sorry that i cant just snap and make half my feelings go away #y'know bc that would take away any good ones too #good greif infinity war kinda sucks too doesn't it #wow

14 notes · View notes

estrxlar · 3 years

Text

The Ghost Of You

16 - Is This A Good Idea

This chapters songs:

These Days - The Wallows

Stay away (it's like that) - TV Girl

Verbatim - Mother Mother

- Y. L. Perspective

It was Monday once again, and I was sitting down at the freakishly clean lunch table, where I nervously waited for my friends' long-awaited responses. "So? Do you guys wanna...say something?"

Everybody sat with their eyes wide, surprised at my explanation of how the other night came to be.

"You're telling me...that...you and Sugawara..were a thing this whole time?!" Giki slams her palms onto the table, catching the attention of a few people around us. "AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO TELL US...?!"

Toruku puts his finger over her mouth, still keeping his eyes on me. I wasn't very confident that my friends would understand that Koushi and I had loved each other for quite a while. But I had to tell them sooner or later. And before anything is official between us, I'd like to tell them. They're my family, after all.

"Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend?" Hikishi curls his brows, fishing out some rice on his chopsticks, and shoving it into his mouth. "Damn, I knew something was going on between you guys!"

Giki slaps Toruku's finger away, rolling her eyes. She twirls her short black hair in her fingers, still curious about my relationship with a boy they had only met a few times. "I thought that you said you were just friends? Not that I'm against it.. but.. how come you didn't tell us?"

Toruku chimes in, "Is this why you talk about him so much? Or why you've been so distant recently?" His words make me think back to the many times I had listened to their conversations more than discuss with them anything that happened with me.

"I guess I was just scared you guys would think I'm getting myself into trouble or something. I mean, none of you have got your eye on anyone, right?" I look at the three as they all shake their heads. "Look, we're not a couple or anything. We're just... overthinking things."

I loudly, laying my head down on the table. Truth was, I'd been wondering whether or not being in a relationship with Koushi was a smart idea. All I needed was a chance to go through my options and stop to think. Thankfully, Hikishi taps my head, pulling my attention towards him, Giki, and Toruku.

"Hey, we're still your friends, you know. It doesn't matter who you like, we're always here to talk and give you advice. Besides, we all like Sugawara! He's nice and treats you good," Hikishi says, turning to his friends for reassurance. "Right guys?"

They nod, leaning close towards each other to make a small oddly shaped circle. "Yeah, of course. Now, spill, Y/n! What has been happening ever since the party?"

"Uh, yes. On a walk home, we had both agreed to wait a little bit to figure out our feelings, but it was more so that I could realize mine. It wasn't so bad, though. I had time for myself and to spend some time with the volleyball team. They're loud and crazy, but they're fun. I can't believe they're all so respectful considering they're teenage boys. Anyway, we kept talking casually as two people who liked each other would!" I take a sip of my juice box, taking a deep breath from explaining so much. Still, my friends were all ears, leaning back to hear the frightening love story of Koushi and me. "After Oikawa had seen me at the party, he tried texting me a few days later, saying he wanted to talk. I brushed it off casually as any other person who's been in drama with him would and told him I was busy. But on the day of the practice game, I saw him there! He and Oikawa. Supposedly, they're the two best players on the Aoba Johsai Volleyball team."

"Oh..does that mean you have beef with them not only because of that party and because of volleyball?" Giki asks. By "you guys", she meant Toruku and me.

I nod, slapping my forehead. "Yup. And that's not even the worst part! We have to play in a spring tournament with them, which means seeing them more than what I'm comfortable with. On the day of the game, I bumped into Hajime in the hall. He didn't cause any trouble! He was nice and apologized and everything, surprisingly. I explained how I was there as a manager, not some creepy stalker, and even got to talk a bit about how life's been treating us. As for Oikawa, he didn't say much. He saw that I was at their game as a manager, but never confronted me about it. I'm sure Hajime had enlightened him on how I was a part of the volleyball team. Still, he could have told me something if he claims he wanted to talk so badly! Koushi noticed how I was acting strange when he entered the room and confronted me about it when we got to my house."

Toruku raises a brow, asking, "your house? So he spends the night now?"

"N-no! Well, he's never actually stayed an entire night. He usually just comes over towards night and leaves around two or three in the morning. I think his dad might be strict about him staying out late, so that's probably why he has to sneak back home. Anyway, after I had told him what happened, he understood, and eventually, we began talking about ourselves. God, it felt so good to tell him how I felt. And I know now that I didn't just like Koushi, I was in love with him. He just makes me feel safe and knows me so well. If we weren't separated by an entire school year, I'm sure I would have realized it sooner, but I do love him. A lot, actually. And if I'm being brutally honest, I don't care we only have a year to be together." For a second, I forgot that my friends had opinions of their own and began to blabber on about how much I liked Suga. They all looked as if they were just given a box or issues to solve. "So...do you guys think I should?”

None of them mutter a word and instead trade worried expressions, then look back at me. "Look,

Y/n. I don't think any of us have ever experienced this entire 'love' thing except for you and Toruku, so I don't think that our opinions would help very much. But..we can all agree that you've cheered up ever since you started hanging out with Sugawara. Hell, even your chords have been getting better. We've never seen you so happy before. So if you really love him, then we respect your decision to be with him." Hikishi smiles brightly at me, as Toruku and Giki nod along with his words.

I sigh, very relieved that I had such wonderful friends. They were here for me before I even got to find myself and my talents. How could I doubt that they wouldn't be supportive? It's them, after all. "That amazing, thank you, guys." I smile back, looking down at the poke bowl I'd brought in my bento today. "Now that that's over, we should probably make plans for our schedule. It's been quite some time since we've talked about it."

"Ah, yes!" Giki exclaims, shoving her hands into her school bag and fishing out a large piece of paper. "So, I just got this flyer for a band competition coming up. It's in about a month, so that gives us some time to come up with some ideas for songs and practice."

Each of us passes around the flyer, observing its letters. Although it was written in lazy lettering and small pictures, we knew it wasn't something to brush off. Booking gigs and getting our name out to the public was what we needed. Ever since we had published a small album of some scraps from a few songs we'd written, we've only gotten people from our families, school, and some friends we knew in the industry. And before we would sign with my aunt, she wanted for us to gain a few more supporters and fans to help us get the word out further.

Giki nods, happily drumming her fingers on the table. "Yup! I already signed us up. Since the festival has gotten much more popular, I'm sure there will be a lot of people there!"

"Great, that gives us something to look forward to. Now, for what to choose as the song..." I lean onto my elbow, stared down by my band members. They all raise their brows at me. "...what?"

"Word on the street is that Summer's Amp Fest is looking for more than just what people can cover. They're looking for authenticity. We think it would be best to come up with something of our own, " Toruku explains. Still, I'm confused as to why they look to me for help.

"So..?"

"So... do you wanna come up with some lyrics?" In surprise of Giki's question, I began choking on my salmon. 'Write a song? I hope they only mean words and not notes as well. I've never been asked such a thing from my band.' I think to myself, choking in distress while Hikishi handed me a cup of water.

I down the entire thing, steering the coughing to a halt. And not long after do I ask, "you mean, like, write an entire song?! Look, I'm flattered and all, but I'm not very good!"

"Come on! You're the one who knows their way with words, Y/n! You've written a few others in the past, why not do it now?" Toruku pleads.

"Because it's so stressful! And only in a month? Can we even be prepared by then?!" I yell out. "Besides, what would I even write about? It's not like my life is any more interesting or sad than you guys!"

"Tch, you're in love for Christ's sake! That's what most artists write about! Take a look at TV girl— all they sing are songs about being addicted to cigarettes, sex, and heartbreak. You can do it, Y/n!" Hikishi claps his hands together. "As long as it's impactful and sounds good, then I think we'll be fine."

"Yeah! If you'd like, you can even talk to Suga about it! Maybe he can help too," Giki suggests.

I frown, scared that when the time comes, I'll disappoint my friends. All I've ever written are a few words and such. Almost all our songs are instrumentals with one or two verses. "I don't know, you guys. What if I make something super cringe and bad?"

"Y/n, you've got everything you need to write a full song. All we're asking for is authenticity and emotion. Not much! Look, me and Hikishi will take care of the chords and notes. Giki can get everything prepared for us, and you can write the lyrics! A good song will get us in the spotlight," Toruku explains.

Although I had doubts about my talents, I had hope that I could grow a pair and put in some effort into a song.

"Okay then. It can't be too hard, right?"

"Koushi, this is so hard! There's nothing I have in mind!" I whine to him as we walk to the clubrooms. School had just ended and volleyball practice was next on our agenda. Today, the so-called so "guardian" was to come back from some kind of secondary school he attended.

The boy pats my back as I throw my head back. "Don't stress it, Y/n. They said it was around a month away, right? That gives you a lot of time to come up with something. And if you'd like, I can even help you. Though, I'm not sure I'm very good with words," he chuckles, running his hand through his hair.

"Really now? Your little letter says otherwise," I say, turning Koushi's cheeks crimson. As much as I wanted to go further into the playful argument, locker rooms were just up ahead. We departed before continuing.

Before I enter the girls club room, the sound of two girls talking came from inside. 'Whatever. Other sports teams have things to do too, right?' I straightened my skirt, hoping that my being there wouldn't be an issue.

I carefully open the door, peeking my head inside of it. I could only recognize Kiyoko changing into her sweat pants, but not the other girl. Once reassuring that it wasn't a crowd of people, I fully entered, closing the door behind me. "Uh—hello," I utter, awkwardly smiling while walking towards my locker.

The stranger turns quickly, revealing her figure. 'Who is this chick?!' I ask myself. She had straight dirty blonde hair, smooth milky skin the covered her body, and deep green eyes. I was surprised such a beautiful and classy girl was here in a gym locker room.

She looks me up and down, attempting to return the smile. "Oh—hi! You must be the new manager. My name is Eclair, it's nice to meet you!"

Vote pls and ty ok bye ily

- estrxlar

0 notes

drunkme-mories · 3 years

Note

Okay, here I go...

Since I’ve met you, I find myself on an eternal repetition compulsion.

“Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats an event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again.”

It’s like I’m on an infinite roller coaster, stuck on the loops. I don’t know why I am unable to get over you. (I mean, it has been almost 2 years that I’m trying to...).

Some days I go to bed, with a feeling that when I wake up the next morning it would all be just the same, just like before, you know? It would be a usual Friday, before the pandemic, and I’m feeling nervous just to imagine if I’d see you later that night and if you would finally notice me.

You’re still in my head (almost 24/7 lately), but I just don’t know why. Sometimes I justify it with the fact that we never talked in person about everything, we have barely texted about it. I even used to believe that what we had was a karmic relationship.

I keep asking myself “why I’m still thinking and caring about her, even after everything that has happened?” We’ve lost the most important thing to me, that was our friendship. And I know I’ve probably lost the sympathy of your friends (but I promise that you didn’t lose my friend’s sympathy, ‘cause every single time I have talked to them about you, I have always emphasized the fact that it had nothing to do with your character, and that you’re a good person with a good heart) and it hurts so much to know that we will never be able to meet up at the bar again, grab some drinks and spend the night laughing and having fun like we used to.

I even miss the nights we spent during this quarantine texting each other, talking about some crazy shit that has happened to us some years ago, to send each other TikTok’s, to know what’s going through your mind, what’s happening in your life, who’s the new girl that you’re breaking the heart, stuffs like this you know?

I was finally getting used to the idea that we would never see each other again, wouldn’t even talk again, but maybe unconsciously I don’t want that, I don’t want to say goodbye, I want you in my life, even if it’s not like a lover but as a friend, and I wish we could make it out without hurting each other again, and without hurting my lover too.

Well, she was always insecure about you, because even she could see how pure and intense my feelings were for you, even when I didn’t want to see it, and didn’t want to assume it (to you, to her, and myself). And I would probably feel the same way if I were in her shoes.

Since the goddamn day I fell in love with you, I live with this guilt, that consumes me more and more every day, the guilt of not being brave enough to tell you at the time what I was feeling for you (even tho you were always really mean to me, but that’s not the point right now), just like Lizzie did to Casey on that episode... Or to just have sent you a drunk message saying “hey bitch I fucking love you can you stop being trash to me and just accept to go on a date with me, to steal me a kiss after some glasses of wine, and tell me that you feel the same way about me?” you know? 😂

But now this guilt is even worse, because I’m with someone else, who I unconditionally love and cherish, but I know that I’ll never love anyone the same way I have loved you and it kills me inside.

Sometimes I think I'm not enough for her, that I wouldn't be enough for you if we ever had become something, that I don't deserve to be loved, and I know that it's probably true...

But anyway, sorry if sending you that previous ask sounded like I was being selfish, or that I was trying to take advantage of you, ‘cause it wasn't my real intention.

I wish I could erase this feeling on us, so we could meet again and laugh about all of this chaos, especially about the stuff we both wrote about each other ‘cause, I mean... I was never a good writer, but I kinda wrote some poems about you, I even wrote you a letter, remember? Not that I'm trying to be cocky but I nailed the poems, they're pretty good, maybe I should try to write some more so I can publish a book, Rupi Kaur style 😂 sorry, I tend to use humor as a coping mechanism.

But anyway, I hope you're doing good, that you have achieved your dream of entering a med school, that you're going to therapy, and I'm still hoping we could still be friends, even grab a coffee someday, and finally talk about everything in person. I will always wish you the best! 🌕

Yeah let me go topic by topic ok.

First of all. It’s good to talk to you again.

Second, yeah I also feel lost in that loop (by the away great taylor song about it the way I loved you check that out). But I don’t thing it’s karma at least no a bad karma. I think we have this weird connection that every time I’m thinking about you a lot, like these lasts days you show up in my life again and I can’t help but think that we’re going to always be in each other’s life bc were supposed to. This weekend my family was talking about other lives and even I don’t believe in that, I thought this may be us.

About lost our friendship I spoke to one of my friends a couple months ago that I was missing you. And I didn’t know why. So I told him “ok I’m going to text her”. He told me to look at our old conversations to see if eventually we’d have those conversations now that you’re dating. And FUCK looking back to that hurt me. But it was good to see how much I’ve change, you know, that last convo when I was saying that I was jealous and i couldn’t just say “I’m jealous of you, you dumb bitch” was especially cringe for me. But yeah, he’s the only friend of me that knows and he’s not our (strange to say our bc that’s no us at all) number 1 supporter. Cause I don’t even now how to explain to people what we had. It’s something that we don’t even know what it was or what it is.

Now let’s get in to the topic that you blocked me. And I know that was important for you relationship and stuff but I was heartbroken. Like unfollow and muted ok, but cut me like that was cruel of you. I understand. But was hard. I also wanted to told you about some big changes up in my life, wanted to know what you’re up to, love life, college, family and everything. You were some weird friend of me after all.

About being friends I’m 0% into that right now. At this point I can’t see myself having anything with you (but I’m up to a illicit affair). Also fuck her. This 6 moths made me hate her so much and I know is jealousy but I don’t care. I know it’s not kind of me and blablabla but fuck it, she’d also hate me to if she took a look in my brain. And she’s right to feel insecure bc if I had a chance I wouldn’t doubt about it (guess me being a trash didn’t change that much lol). And I know she’s good to you, know she treats you like I’ll never be able, but I just think it should be me, you know, even though if we were both single we’d be nothing like that. So yeah that’s another topic. Fuck her.

And yeah Casey and Izzie will always remember me of you, and also will some songs, and some other movies. That was all I had of you in the last 6 moths so I guess that will change eventually.

It’s good to hear that even though she’s having a lot of was once mine, she would never have it all. That’s good. This past moths I’ve seen she take everything that as ours and turning in to yours so it’s good to know that if I show up at your wedding I would still cause some trouble.

Some things never change right?

I’m really sad to see you putting you down like that. So if my opinion has any importance to you, I think you’re too much for her anyway. And I’m sorry to help you feeling that you don’t deserve love in any kind of way. I think having a past, like you like to call me, won’t make you least or not deserving her love.

It’s not you’re fault you had a 10 and she’s a 5. Ok maybe a 9. Ok in 2019 I was definitely a 5 as well.

Don’t be mad at me I’m just joking ok.

In the moment we sat down and talk about this time we’ll have some good laughs. I still got those poems and I’m still waiting to have the box you told me about. And I guess that’s whats keep us here talking in one unofficially social, talking in other language, me writing texts about you. I’ve never lied to you that I love this drama and I think you might like this as well.

Least, I want to tell you again that right now I can’t see myself having a friendship with you cause I still have a lot of feelings going on. I like to imagine us meeting again in the future, both change, both grown, and living all the things we’ve always wanted but we’re both not ready for it. After that being said, I wish the best for you as well. I’m not going to end it that way bc I feel like this is not the end. So I hope you read this and send me a chat on here so we can talk privately. If you feel like that’s not the right thing to do, I’ll be always here fore you and I’ll always have a song to send you for you to remind of me in secret. Missing you.

0 notes

elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

Note

I'm a petty bitch but I don't like how Cas embraced Jack way more sweeter and gentler than Dean

Hey, don’t use such harsh words on yourself

I think we’re sort of meant to feel this way, for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, the Cas is back reaction was mostly on Dean and then contrasting Dean to Sam’s reaction etc, so it was a very Winchester POV moment. Because Dean and Sam’s reaction to Cas drama has been tested and compared for years… I think the Cas possessed by Lucifer stuff was the first time it was specifically ABOUT their reactions rather than just taking it for granted there was a difference although 11x01 starts off the DeanCas thread we’re on now in the aftermath of the Mark and the resulting (spiralling) issues with Cas and Dean singled out in attention in that quick phone call, and it’s been getting worse from there, obviously cycling up into the Cas’s death stuff where the difference is inescapable. Dean was given the huge emotional lead in to the hug while Sam was already being treated differently in his reaction before they started hugging.

I think in that context there had to be a balance of Sam and Dean’s hugs in that moment, and Cas’s reaction was more muted because he’s working on some different threads, including still thinking at that point the Winchesters brought him back but also aaall his issues from last season are at least hovering around still if not directly affecting him. I mean who knows, maybe he feels embarrassed Lucifer got him :P I’ve had some people explain now (check the notes here) they think Cas is potentially literally altered or they’re adjusting to having theorised he might be and obviously more critical of his behaviour in case it is betraying something, but I really don’t like taking just random actor behavioural cues to mean anything drastic has changed with their character without the story backing it up as more than just a thing happening in that moment with the portrayal…

Since I never thought 12x23 broadcast anything strange happening to Cas with the AU and there’s been no reason broadcast this season to make us suspect Cas is anything other than himself - regardless of other issues it is our core main continuous Cas on screen when we’re meant to be seeing Cas - I’m continuing to just chillax and watch it as if Cas is Cas and nothing is WRONG wrong with him until proven otherwise. So if there’s anything about his reactions in that scene it’s probably down to the Empty unsettling him (he’s having memories of it which include the ghost-like fade out of himself which makes me feel like the complete cessation of his Self has shaken him, as it would anyone really, since we didn’t see him ghost-like fade out into darkness IN the Empty, so that’s his memory/impression/FEELING of what it was like) or there’s just the obvious ongoing issues with the Winchesters, which the Empty reminded us of very very loudly, and he’s obviously not telling them the contents of that discussion, because it went as far as warning him about who he loves, which is them, so, awkward, or to make a Destiel reading there, aaaaaawkwaaaaard.

Secondly with Jack, again I think it is somewhat more about how Jack feels because we had the whole first half of 13x01 with him searching for Cas and the only thing he knew, the compulsion/idea he woke up with when he was born was that he had to find Cas so Cas would protect him. He was then thrown into an emotional grinder for 5 episodes, and now he’s juuust about settling in learning the Winchester way, but Sam and Dean are neither of them suitable guides in the way Cas accidentally signed himself up for in 12x19 with that rousing speech about looking after Jack properly.

So it sort of marks the end of Jack’s search, and Jack reached out for Cas because he missed him, and, unknowingly, Cas dragged himself back to life because of Jack, and again unknowingly, FOR Jack, but now he’s here, and Jack needs him. I suspect this will all get more critical of the “angels are watching over you” bond because that’s NOT a good phrase and I’ve been using it as my Mary to the guys (in the 2x13/5x13 dramatic irony context) and Cas to the Winchesters tag in season 12, but now I think it is very much about Cas’s issues with being a guardian angel, which were laid bare in 12x19 when he explained his motivations.

Jack is someone who genuinely *needs* Cas in a way Dean protests they don’t in 12x19. He (and Sam) want Cas to be an equal in their family, and for them to fight together and to share in their troubles. Cas perpetually takes on these burdens to protect them (like Lucifer in 11x10 as well) and it’s not healthy, to the degree that I think it’s being called out and deconstructed on the same level the codependency has been addressed in recent seasons. In season 12 there was a lot of build up to this and I think this is how it’s paying out - in Cas’s part of what Jack means, mirrors or represents is a bond which is separate from his original TFW bonds so it can be critiqued or stretched or even temporarily broken at some point, in order to be practically a case study… Or else at the very least to take the weight off of him having to guard the Winchesters as their pet angel, which is a terrible arrangement.

Jack’s shaken up all their dynamics, but it’s fascinating to me just to have their reunion because of course it’s important - it’s been what Jack asked for in the opening word of the season, and Jack’s been the reason why everything has happened for a while, including both Cas’s death and resurrection. Cas as well has had the whole arc coming back to them, and he’s never MET Jack properly before and it’s the core relationship to all of this nonsense in the opening part of the season because it’s the strangest part of it all and has the most baggage before they even meet.

Now Cas and Jack have met, things of course went wrong and now things are being tested for Cas… He’s still integral and core to the story so I’m not surprised there’s been a huge focus on him and Jack at all. Especially as because he was dead all the stuff so far about Cas in the main part of the story has been Dean intensely missing Cas, so it’s been one-sided for Dean, and Dean’s reaction to Cas being back is the flipside of that, while Cas didn’t get a whole huge thing about mourning Dean, so despite being back from death, he doesn’t have the same bundle of exposed nerves Dean has about the entire thing because he didn’t go through the same trauma but about Dean.

Eurgh, I don’t know, there’s such a weird sense of rivalry about Jack being introduced to the dynamic, I don’t know if you and others and just pinging the idea subconsciously or if I’m missing wank about it because my dash is nice, but first people were worried he was replacing Cas, now you’re feeling jealous on Dean’s behalf… I think Jack can be integrated into the family and he’s got his OWN relationships with their own reasons and motivations that aren’t taking away or overriding anyone else.

I was thinking about how Dean had a shoulder grab for Jack in 13x04 just to stop and warn him not to talk and blow their cover (and called him “spock” which may suit Cas more than him >.>) and then of course Cas and Jack had shoulder-holding moments. I think that in no way overrides Cas and Dean’s shoulder language, just like Dean or Lucifer using shoulder grabbing as power plays in various dynamics (5x04 and 11x11 for Lucifer, 12x16 against Mick for Dean for examples) changes what the shoulder grab means between Dean and Cas, because their specific language of it has been erotically charged since 4x01 and all of season 4 really. It’s something that has its own particular meaning and feeling, but at the same time you can loop back around to it as a bond of trust, and that can’t be never used again by other characters on the show ever. I’m sure Sam or Dean have done it to each other, or Bobby to them or some random thing like that. Things can branch off, just like how the “crypt scene” parallels have turned into a fractal of meanings.

I think we (as a general commentary, not you specifically anon) might just have too rigid readings of the show, that we can’t allow for things to mean different things than what we originally interpret. Some of that might be because it’s like… hostile interpretation, where it’s us against the show and against people who hate meta and think it’s bollocks for one reason or another. If we get a strong dictionary of meanings going and then something contradicts it, the response is backlash rather than intellectual curiosity, and being accused of being wrong, instead of being able to ask why things are different, or to build elaborate pictures where we have room for things to stretch and for the stories to grow and change.

Anyway it is just a knee jerk response you have so I don’t think you should blame yourself, but I hope you can have a more open mind and think about if the show WANTS you to knee-jerk react and just in a fandom context it feels way too important and overkill while general audience are still floundering around like “but there was no hello dean!” which is the real and only sentiment the writing may have been trying to leave a lasting impression over or something :P

#Asks #obviously that last line is a hypothetical #I don't think there's a 'real' reading or that we should be so hung up on intent #I also kinda feel grumpy that fandom has got so absolute on all sides because I like the meta playground #and I still hang out there but I may be seen as kind of wishy washy or I don't know what #13x06 #destiel #nougat winchester

18 notes · View notes