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lionheartslowstart · 14 days

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Meltdown on an Airplane

As the title suggests, I had a meltdown on an airplane a few days ago. I was returning home from vacation, and the plane was still sitting at the gate. Which, despite everything, I'm actually pretty thankful for, as I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if we were in the air or taxiing.

It started when we realized there was a problem with our seats. I had been sure to pre-book the seats, as I always do because I need an aisle seat. However, for some reason, "Thomas'" seat had been switched at the last minute to be way at the back of the plane. I have no idea why. So of course, I started to panic. As I've gotten older, I have become more anxious while flying, especially with all the Boeing drama (and yes, unfortunately we were on a Boeing both ways of the trip). Take offs and landings make me very nervous. I CAN fly by myself, but I always prefer not to do so. On top of that, I suffered a foot injury earlier that week (I had tripped over some uneven pavement because I'm a clumsy b*tch), and I felt much more comfortable being near Thomas, just in case, since I needed crutches, walked with a limp, and had a boot on my foot.

I asked Thomas if he would ask whomever was supposed to sit there to switch with him, because I became too upset and anxious to ask them myself. I figured maybe it wouldn't be a problem, since they were both middle seats. Nevertheless, my anxiety increased and I began to cry silently and attempt to regulate by rocking back and forth, one of my biggest self-soothing stims. On top of the emotional overwhelm, the plane was playing music pretty loudly through the speakers, God knows why, adding physical distress to my emotional distress.

Then, a baby started screaming, which of course made everything worse. I started crying harder, though still silently, and started muttering to myself that it wasn't the baby's fault and to "please stop crying please stop crying."

THEN, the guy who was supposed to be seated in Thomas' seat came over and Thomas began explaining to him that there had been a mix-up and that I'm disabled and would he please consider swapping seats. The guy, audibly disgruntled, (I was still hunched over trying not to be too disruptive so I couldn't see him,) said he was going to get a flight attendant to see if we could figure something out.

It was at this point that someone's f*cking luggage fell out of the overhead been and hit me on the shoulder. Sure, it hurt, but not terribly because I have a high pain tolerance. But the extreme shock of suddenly being struct bluntly was the straw that broke the camel's back, and the meltdown erupted out of me before I could make any more attempts to wrest control.

Whatever you picture in your head when you imagine an autistic meltdown, that's what happened. I was screaming, sobbing, rocking furiously, yanking my hair by the roots, trying not to hit myself...I mean it was bad. And the thing is, I've had meltdowns in public before, but never one so absolutely untamed. As a high-masking autistic, I have (unfortunately) developed some skills to hide a meltdown when it happens, at least until I can get somewhere where I'm alone, or with one of the very few people I consider safe to have a meltdown in front of. (My parents, my brother, and my partner.)

But this? I can't remember the last time I had a public meltdown like this as an adult. Maybe never.

And of course, despite the all-consuming nature of a meltdown, there's also the dread looming way in the back of my mind, that I KNOW people are staring, and, most likely, judging.

As I sobbed and rocked, I heard the murmurs, and I felt so many eyes on me. Based on the few words I could pick out, I knew they assumed my outburst was because I had been hurt badly. I tried to ignore the shame and humiliation I felt creeping in. It was only adding to the distress, and there was nothing I could do about it. People will always stare, always assume, and always judge.

A flight attendant quickly came over to assess the situation. When this all went down, I felt like she maybe had good intentions, but upon retelling this story to my family, I have since realized that no, she really only had the airline's best interest at heart, and probably didn't give two sh*ts about me. But what are you gonna do? So she asks me to explain what happened, but I'm in the middle of a verbal shutdown, so I can't really answer. I look at Thomas helplessly, and bless him, he does not do well under pressure, so he immediately started raising his voice at her to "back off and give me space." So of course, I'm thinking, well f*ck I guess I better force myself to speak because I'm really not trying to get kicked off this flight and/or cause myself more embarrassment, so I started attempting to explain. I say "attempting" because, as I was mid-verbal shutdown, I was struggling immensely to even find my words, and once I did find a few, my words came out very stilted, and I was stammering. I somehow managed to squeeze out the important bullet points: that I'm autistic, I'm having a meltdown, and I just need space to calm down.

So then of course she starts peppering me with questions, despite the fact that I just said I needed space. She's trying to figure out what happened, was I hurt, do I know what fell on me, etc. This caused me to start clapping, something I do when I'm mid-verbal shutdown but still being forced to communicate, especially if I'm also being forced to talk over someone, and/or I'm already dealing with a meltdown and more stimuli is thrown my way. Through the clapping, I again tried to explain - I'm physically fine, I'm having an autistic meltdown. She asked me if I needed anything. (Insert epic eyeroll.) I couldn't answer, but shook my head as she listed off things she might be able to bring me. I just wanted her to leave. When she asked if I needed water, it occurred to me both that it would get her to leave, and also that yes, I probably did need some water. After she walked away, I leaned into Thomas and buried my face in his shoulder. I could still feel the stares.

The flight attendant came back later with the water, and then mentioned the issue with the seats. She asked if I'd be willing to switch with the person who was seated next to Thomas' assigned seat and we could sit where Thomas was originally supposed to be seated instead of the other guy switching. I explained that I wouldn't have a problem with that but I still needed an aisle seat because the tight squeeze of a window seat can exacerbate my sensory issues. She said she understood and went off to see if we could find a situation. When she came back, she said that it all worked out because the two gentlemen who were meant to be sat with each other in Thomas' seat and the window seat were able to find other seats so we would actually have an empty seat next to us. (I assume they were bumped to first class for their troubles, but I have no proof of that.) She asked if I was feeling better and then started talking to THOMAS, not me, about whether or not she should file a report.

I've found that, when someone finds out I'm autistic, they either don't believe me, or they start talking to whomever I happen to be with instead, as if I can't speak for myself. It's ableist, obviously, and extremely frustrating. She also came back while I was in the bathroom to talk to Thomas, who, of course, told her that she should wait until I came back from the bathroom and then ask me, since I'm the person to whom it happened. Later, she did come back and ask me again. I smiled, understanding she's doing her due diligence so I don't sue the airline, and promised her that, no, she didn't have to report it and I was really fine. It was clear to me that she was fixated on the possibility of injury, and that she didn't really understand the autistic aspect. As I said, my reflection of this incident over the last few days has brought me to the conclusion that this woman, despite her shallow warmth, probably didn't give a hog's a** about me.

But the worst part of all of this is that two days ago, Thomas revealed to me that he had witnessed an older woman in front of us texting someone about the event. She had written something along the lines of, "Some crazy b*tch just threw an absolute tantrum on the plane like some whackadoodle. I hope they escort her off the plane in handcuffs and give her a cookie."

Now, I grew very upset at this and explained to Thomas that this wasn't something he should have told me. I understand why he did though, as we have very open and honest communication in our relationship. I'm sure he thought I'd want to know. I explained that it would be different if he had stood up for me, if he had said something to her, called her out for being ableist, then I would have been fine hearing about it. But because he did nothing, it's just not something I wanted to, or really, needed to hear. I know people are ableist. I know people make comments. I know people judge me when the mask falls off. I don't need to hear specific examples of something of which I'm already so painfully aware, especially when there is no resolution, and most likely never will be. Thomas apologized profusely, saying he would never make that mistake again, and that he never wants to say something that upsets me.

For the record, as hurt as I am that Thomas didn't stand up for me, I can't be angry at him for it. We were on an airplane, and he was afraid we'd be kicked off, or worse. The woman in question didn't say anything out loud, so there were no witnesses to her comments. She could have easily deleted the text and claimed Thomas had started a conflict with her for no reason. While I know I would have handled that situation differently if the roles were reversed, I also know that Thomas probably did the right thing in not starting an argument. I will be the first to admit that my tinderbox temper does not always result in the most productive outcomes.

Like I said, I know people are ableist, judgmental, and cruel. I know that. And I know I shouldn't care. But I do. And I hate that I do. I don't understand why anyone thinks people just claim to be or pretend to be autistic for attention. It's not attention I want. Being autistic in an allistic world is HARD. There are so many harmful stereotypes and misconceptions out there, and people can be truly awful, both intentionally and unintentionally. I walk around with this monkey on my back, constantly aware of what people might think, or in some cases, what I know they do think. My childhood trauma made damn sure of that. I so wish I could just be myself without fear, comment, or disdain. Yes, when I experience sensory overload, but also in the way I communicate, the way I perceive the world, when I rant about my special interests at length, my difficulties in social settings, all of it. I just want to be myself and not feel like I'm being punished simply for having a brain that works differently. And unfortunately, I'm probably going to remember what that horrible woman texted about me for a long time.

I posted a video describing this event, and someone left a comment that has stayed with me. Not because it bothers me, or because it hurts my feelings, no. It's stayed with me because I'm certain that this specific sentiment is shared by so many other people, and I find it quite interesting.

"Those people were just trying to travel."

My very first response to that was, well, I was just trying to travel. They didn't need to hear me screaming and sobbing? Okay, well I didn't need the airline to switch my boyfriend's seat. I didn't need the plane to be playing bad music for 30 minutes. I didn't need a baby to start shrieking just a few aisles down from me. And I definitely didn't need a heavy object to fall on top of me.

So...why does that statement not apply to me? Why don't people care about my flight experience being ruined? Why am I not extended the same empathy?

The answer is simple. Autistics are not seen as human beings. Or, at the very least, we are seen as lesser human beings. Our comfort, our safety, both physical and emotional, and our well-being, are just not held to the same standard, to the same importance, as those of allistics. They don't care about us. Worse, they actively dislike us.

I love traveling. Well, I love BEING in a different place. The getting there part has always been stressful for me. But I have never had anything like this happen before last Sunday. Never. And I'm flying back in three days...alone. Of course, I'm going to do everything in my power to prevent something like this from happening again. I really don't want to go through something like that again, especially alone. I'll have my headphones with me in addition to my ear plugs (and yes, I did have my earplugs in at the time of the meltdown so sit tf down), and I'll probably purchase the in-plane high speed wifi so I can keep myself distracted. But there is, of course, the looming fear that, sometimes, these things just happen.

I wish I could teleport.

#personal #autistic #autism #meltdown #actually autistic #autistic adult #autistic meltdown #trauma #traumatizing #unmasking

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cosmicjoke · 4 months

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most of those ppl are white supremacists who project on erwin a lot and want levi to be his little b*tch. through shippers and redditors, this holds true.

I don't know what they are, really, other than egotistical. I'm not going to accuse them of anything deeper than simply ignoring actual canon to advance their agenda, whether that be shipping or something else, like wanting to see themselves in the story, etc... People's need to relate is always rooted in this sort of basic bias. They want characters to look or act or think like them. Otherwise, they aren't able to sympathize or empathize with them. So that is a kind of projection, and narcissism. This desire and even seeming need to make Levi or Erwin gay, for example, when we know at least with Erwin, canonically, that he's attracted to women, and with Levi, we have no indication one way or the other as to his sexuality, is a manifestation of that. It's one thing to write them as a couple in fanfiction. There's nothing wrong with it. I've written two stories now where I have Levi as a gay man. It's fun to explore those things. But it's something else entirely not to be able to separate that out from actual canon and just simply accept the fact that Levi's sexuality, and Erwin's too, are completely irrelevant to the story and to their roles within the story. Just because your sexual identity is the most important thing to you doesn't mean it's the most important thing to everything and everyone else, and you shouldn't go looking to see yourself represented or reflected in every piece of media and literature. When you do that, it completely obscures your ability to accurately interpret what's going on, and you become illiterate. It also feeds a kind of trend that's, frankly, ruining a lot of entertainment these days, and even how people treat each other in the real world. Why the hell can't we sympathize with a character that isn't like us? Why do they have to be what we are in order for us to care about them? Why do we have to see ourselves in everything? As if we ourselves are the most important and special person in the world, and everything and everyone should change in order to accomodate us and reflect us, including the media we consume. It's really egregiously without compassion for anyone but ourselves. Just the characters being human should be enough of a starting point for us find some common ground.

Basically, these people are just selfish, self-centered assholes that need to get over the fact that not everything is about them.

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #levi ackerman #erwin smith

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chartreuse-goose · 2 years

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volume 2 & instant vs delayed gratification

i feel like everything on this matter has already been said, but i do still want to give my opinion on why i'm okay with byler in st4v2. this might be a longer post! update: it is a longer post omg… please stay :-,))

honestly, if byler happened in volume 2, people would've been so mad. trust me i was ROOTING with my entire heart for it to, but byler realistically could not have been executed well, much less received well, if it happened in 2 episodes. also, yes, i know. we were not expecting it to. everyone LOVES to talk about us as if we were, but we were less hoping for byler and more hoping for a milkvan breakup. we got the opposite and were crushed. it took me 3 days of tearing up even thinking of volume 2 before i could come to this realization, but what happened instead was just as good for us.

i am very critical of the duffer brothers, but i firmly believe that they used volume 2 as a way to give the general audience EXACTLY what they wanted. of course, this came with a price. "exactly what they wanted" would intentionally be written in the least desirable way.

so yes, milkvans won, but only at the steep cost of their eventual losing.

how are they going to lose? well, instant gratification is a bit of a b¡tch. if milkvan was endgame, i genuinely don't think the "i love you" confession would have happened where/when it did. if i was writing stranger things, and i wanted milkvan to actually have a chance at coming back from that “fight you can't come back from,” the moment mike confessed would never be the situation i’d write him to confess during. ever.

i guess if this confession had to occur in volume 2, then the pre-pineapple pizza moment would have been the moment. the duffer brothers wanted us to know that they knew this would've been the perfect moment too, because they teased it. mike almost said it there. man, if only *the* moment for those words to be said wasn't written to be interrupted!

on the flip side, delayed gratification is far more satisfying. if i was writing stranger things and milkvan was endgame, i wouldn't have resolved their relationship problems in volume 2. i would have chosen to hold off until season 5 so it’d have a larger impact on the audience.

google says delayed gratification is "a strategy for reaching your goals and finding long-term fulfillment," so if milkvan was THE goal and you genuinely wanted mike and eleven to find long-term fulfillment within eachother, why'd you solve their problems so quickly? why'd you solve these problems in a way that actually ended up emphasizing their prevalence in mike & eleven’s relationship?

is there, perhaps, another pairing you’ve been intentionally delaying that’ll find their way to each other in season 5? another pairing which has been roughly hinted at since your television series’ pitch? hinted at since character’s first lines? hinted at by creating parallels to other television series telling similar stories? hinted at through subtle looks, line deliverance, wardrobe, staging?

these questions aren’t entirely rhetorical, duffers! i’d LOVE to know!

—————————————————————————

bylers, i guess i wrote out this literal essay to tell you that if mike and eleven were endgame, they wouldn’t have been made penultimategame. it doesn’t make sense considering their issues and the lack of character development gained that would’ve been needed to truly resolve them.

byler is endgame, in this essay i will—

#byler #byler hope #byeler #byler s4 #byler s5 #byler is endgame #byler tumblr #byler nation #byler thoughts #mike and will

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fierrochase-falafel · 9 months

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Noticing things in my rewatch of Ted Lasso

So, what can I say, Ted Lasso is the thing I've latched onto this time. My immediate family have been watching this show while I have, actually, and this is the ONLY piece of media we all can agree on liking. In all my years of existence I never thought such a piece of media existed. Okay, so rewatching seasons 1 and 2 after season 3 (because you've gotta capitalise on the Apple TV+ subscription lasting 1 month) is pretty interesting and here are the main things that have stuck out to me:

1. Jamie and Roy tend to get along pretty well even in season 1, when they're not actively at each other's throats. In the episode with the charity gala, we actually see from the beginning how much they have in common. They're both very direct and on-point with why they hate each other, and only when faced with each other's direct reasons do they admit to them being somewhat true. They both view each other as arrogant, but when called out on their own arrogance they find it easier to admit it to each other. For 2 players who see themselves as being 'great' in some sense, they understand each other and know that their feelings about each other are mirrored. Even if they still despise the other person. There's also the fact we know Roy used to be a bit like Jamie when he was up-and-coming (a little primadonna b*tch), so they kind-of understand each other in that sense. They also have a similar sense of humour that has roots in insulting each other, to the point where hating each other is actually something they bond on (Jamie smirking and saying "here's to you dying" and Roy genuinely laughs at that because of how prickish it was). They're different forces on the team throughout season 1 (team-player and protector vs selfish star-player) and also contrasted for their ages but they're also paralleled so, so much. I knew they were being paralleled initially but I didn't realise how much until I rewatched that scene and realised how easily they could get along with each other. If this is what they're like when they hate each other's guts, no wonder they're so close when they start begrudgingly appreciating the other.

2. There's a scene in the beginning of the show when Ted fixes the shower pressure in the Richmond locker rooms, and Roy realises this when turning on the shower. Then there's a funny bit after that when Colin walks in and gets knocked to the floor hard by the shower water, right? For some reason he walked straight in looking at the shower head and didn't even look down at the knob to switch it on. Maybe I'm overanalysing but it seems a bit odd to just walk in and push it the full way all while staring towards the ceiling- no matter how low or high the shower pressure is, the water is still going to hit you directly in the face if you stare directly at the shower head! However, if the show was planning all this while for Colin to be gay (which is plausible), this makes a lot of sense given what he says later about "looking down and thinking of global warming". He was looking straight up in this case, but it would make sense why he did not pay attention to what he was doing and got whacked in the face because of it. That's rough buddy.

3. Actually, y'know, speaking of Colin, it also becomes more noticeable on rewatching the series that the footballer we see talk to Dr. Sharon the most is actually him. When she first arrives, afterwards when he recites "I am a strong and capable man, I am not a piece of sh*t" (which is so real of him, me too man), and later when the team plans on going out for drinks- he invites her to join, she agrees to have 1 drink and mentions having a session with him afterwards. He is shown to be really impacted by these sessions too, given he repeats "I am a strong and capable man" numerous times over. Then later he tells Trent in season 3 how those sessions helped him. It's very interesting to me looking back at all of this now, because other than the grindr comment everyone heard and were hoping would pay off in a storyline about being queer in football, I hadn't noticed any of this stuff before! Even if the writers weren't definitely intending for him to be gay in season 1, I feel like season 2 clearly conveys this intent looking back on it. Even in the jokes, there's that bit where Colin's being suffocated by those huge weights he clearly can't hold up not once but twice, and yet continues to use them. His need to appear like he can actually hold up those weights is too heavy and hurting him, the way pretending to be aggressively straight is- lifting heavier weights and physical strength as such is something people connect with being 'more masculine', just as being straight is 'more masculine'. He could just get different weights or something, work his way up, but pretending he can lift these ones is important to him to the point he would continue trying despite it almost suffocating him. Or it's just meant to be a funny joke (which it is), but with this specific character you can interpret it with deeper meaning, which is impressive. It's a really similar thing with how he takes pride in having a fancy lamborghini that is 'way too much car for him' and he cannot drive properly. It's nice to see build-up to this in prior seasons without being based in stereotypes of some sort- it's barely noticeable beforehand but when you watch the prior seasons again, it all tells a story, and I think that makes this some pretty good representation you don't see a lot, especially in media not explicitly marketed to queer people in some form. The effort put into distinguishing and developing its side characters even in the background or in throwaway lines is one of the reasons why this show is so good, in my opinion.

4. At the beginning of season 2, when Jamie talks to Ted about his dad in the bar, he tells Ted he's lucky when Ted says his father was way harder on himself than he ever was on Ted. Ted quirks an eyebrow very quickly and doesn't respond, instead taking a sip of his beer. After knowing about what did happen with Ted's dad, it's something you can interpret either as avoiding the question or as an answer that subconsciously means yes and no. He was lucky to have a dad that was a kind father to him but unlucky because of how his father's harshness towards himself impacted him- whether his father meant for it to or not- and continues to impact him and shape his character through his life (as seen in the scene with his mother at the end of season 3). It really goes to show that you never know what someone else might be going through, or may have gone through; more often than not, it's not about "who's luckier" because you will never truly be able to measure that. Plus, honestly, what's the point in trying? How does that help anyone feel better regarding the actual things hurting them?

5. When the team go to Liverpool to play Everton in season 1, Ted suggests watching a movie or having a pillow fight (strongly favouring the latter). In that episode, they watch a movie, but then later when they go to Amsterdam in season 3 they do actually have a pillow fight! Some real fun continuity there, even it's a shame Ted doesn't get to witness it.

6. So I've already talked about my rewatch of Beard After Hours in more depth here, but another fun little thing I noticed in that is Jane's surname being Payne, which is just really funny to me as a homophone of 'pain'. Almost like a little acknowledgent of her and Beard's constant on-and-off insane relationship causing, well...some amount of pain.

7. There's a bit in season 2 in the episode where Jamie's dad comes to watch the Richmond vs Man City match where it cuts from Sam to Jamie or Jamie to Sam speaking to their dads on their phones (via text or call). Jamie's phone says "Dad" in quotes while Sam's says Dad regularly. Honestly, this one I should've noticed the first time because it requires no extra context but I appreciate the attention to detail with that, showing how differently they view their fathers- Jamie not viewing his father as an actual one and making his dad's role in his life seem smaller by sarcastically not acknowledging him as such (which I quite support him in).

8. I've noticed that in Rebecca's 2 main romance plotlines on the show, AKA with the 2 men she canonically had a significant intellectual and romantic connection with, both of them actually kind of embody what Bantr was trying to do. The idea of texting people with no pictures so that people connect on the basis of who they are with their brains ("where minds can come to undress"). Both with Sam and the Dutchman in Sunflowers (S3E6), when they were connecting, neither of them knew anything about the other's status or public image (and not their names), and connected first and foremost through their thoughts. Given how Rebecca's relationship with Rupert and her rivalry with Rupert takes place very heavily on a public stage, it makes sense that this would be contrasted with a more private form of love as that's what Rebecca needs. Her job involves being widely recognised, dealing with the press, having to respond publicly to everything Rupert does and deal with him at public events such as the gala regularly. His presence in her life is public and shadows her everywhere in the public, connected greatly with her public image. When she is not recognised as Ms. Welton, now owner of AFC Richmond and ex-wife of Mr. Mannion- when she is free of the pressures of people knowing her name and fame, that is when she is able to let go of her anger surrounding Rupert and come into her own as Rebecca in her relationships with other people.

9. Roy's voice seems to change through the season 2, getting a lot harsher and hoarser I believe. Maybe to show him getting into a more mature role as a coach rather than a player, thus having to play into his 'wisdom of age' and so he sounds a bit older as a result. Like a sign of his character growing into himself as someone who isn't young anymore, and needs to find himself beyond being a footballer his whole life. However, I'm not entirely sure why or if this is a reason, maybe this was a choice just for the heck of it or Brett Goldstein deciding that suited Roy and growing into Roy like that.

10. I was rewatching the end of S1E1 when Ted's on the phone with Michelle, saying, "that's what I'm doing though, I'm giving you that space," but after a pause he has to say "yeah, and myself, right", presumably after Michelle said so. I love how this implies that Michells feels that Ted either needs space from her as well after the experiences of therapy and all that, but also that she wants Ted to need the space from her because she doesn't want to be the one person splitting up this family. It has to be a thing that is necessary and healthy for them both, otherwise it'd feel like she caused him to do something that helps her but not him in this relationship. Their relationship, for the most part, has been shown as an example of a healthy marriage and divorce. Even when they broke up or were going through-- all this, they cared about each other and how they were doing and made sure to keep their power in their relationship as balanced. The way I see it, Michelle doesn't want to be the reason this relationship is failing, she wants both of them to need space so they can both be different when they meet again and hopefully fall back in love. It also nicely sets up Ted putting other people before himself continuously, where (to Ted) his decision was worth it because he gets to GIVE HER that space: whether he gets any or needs any or WANTS any is irrelevant to him. He did move for her, which puts pressure on her because, again, she cares about him and feels bad for being the reason he's in this situation. To Ted, she matters far more than his own comfort to the point he voluntarily would move all this way away from her just so it might make her happier. In hindsight, it makes perfect sense with Ted's fatal flaw, so to speak, being his desire to make everyone feel loved and comfortable without regard for himself. I have some mixed feelings about Michelle but those relate specifically to her relationship with Dr. Jacob in season 3. I feel like her being a character who cares about Ted and wants her marriage with him to work is very realistic and I'm glad to get a nice/sympathetic understanding of her through season 1.

There are loads of other really subtle details in the show out there that I'm discovering more of by reading other people's meta and watching their videos discussing it. You know it's a good show if the further you go, the more new things you uncover. If I think of anything to add, I'll probably just add it here, and if anyone seeing this has any thoughts on this show or on what I've said, I would love to hear about them please!

#ted lasso #ted lasso meta #rebecca welton #jamie tartt #roy kent #sam obisanya #colin hughes #coach beard #jane payne #rupert mannion #ted lasso rewatch #analysis time by me so I can track them in my tags #michelle lasso #posts originating from my brain

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lostinbooks14 · 6 months

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Let's Sneak into a Meadow

Times in the Wilderness

"So hypothetically speaking," Leo started, fingers working so fast that they almost turned invisible as he worked on unlocking the padlock, "On a scale of one to ten, how mad do you think Mrs. A$$hole is gonna be when she finds out we snuck out?"

"Wait what!?" Jason asked, sounding panicked, "I thought you said we wouldn't get in trouble with Mrs.Asoul cause we weren't breaking any rules!"

"Relax Blondie," Leo grinned as the padlock unlocked with a click, "the rulebook says 'no sneaking out of the school during school hours', but-" he emphasised as Jason prepared himself to argue, "I checked the records, and technically, this field does also belong to the school property... ok well the records might've been from 2013 but its totally not my fault that the library's not up to date!"

Piper snorted, flicking her braid over her shoulder, "See Jace, I told you the Super-sized Mcshizzle's got this all figured out."

Leo winked at them before pushing open the creaking metal gate and slipping through. He waited for the other two to follow- Jason insisted on Piper going first, cause he's still a gentleman stuck in the 70s- before closing the gate.

"I still don't like skipping periods though... are you sure this can't wait?"

"Mhm. Pretty sure. I totally did not just want to ditch English," Leo nodded.

Jason groaned dramatically- for a six feet tall, athletic nerd (yes, it was possible), he sure knew how to be a drama queen.

"Don't dull his little kiddie sparkle, Hot stuff," Piper laughed as she eagerly followed Leo deeper into the field- he knew she hated English just as much as he did. That teacher was a total b!tch about dyslexia.

He glanced back and saw Jason still standing rooted next to the gate, his entire face pink and flustered from Piper's comment. Piper followed his gaze and raised her eyebrows before going back and dragging Jason towards them. Piper and Jason were still at the flirting stage- well, Piper was, Jason was just confused- but Leo was certain they'd get together soon. And honestly, he couldn't wait. Sure being a third wheel would probably suck, but his amazing friends deserved each other.

"Almost there!" He called excitedly, quickening his pace as he led them to the patch of trees on the other end.

"Why is the kid leading the way again?" Piper asked, still firmly holding onto Jason's wrist. Ever since they'd found out that he was a year younger than them and had been moved up a grade- they'd been calling him kid- Leo didn't really mind though.

He turned around and blew a raspberry at them, so of course that meant Piper raced after him screaming "Oh, it's ON!", and Jason grinned and jogged after them. Piper caught up soon enough and tackled him to the ground, making sure that her body wasn't pinning Leo down as she gave him a wet willie. He screamed like a banshee and Jason came up behind them, hauling them both to their feet.

"Not that I don't love to see you getting scolded by the matron for getting dirt and grass all over your uniforms, but I really don't want to get in trouble with Mr.Hong too, so let's finish this quickly," Jason said. He seemed to notice that Piper had a huge blade of grass stuck in the hair next to her ear, and he reached up and brushed it away shyly.

This time Piper blushed, and Leo gave an encouraging thumbs up at Jason from behind her back, which promptly made him blush red too.

"Wow, dorks," he teased. "Anyways," he bent down and started pulling at the weeds covering the roots of a tall pine tree, "I've been thinking, both you're birthdays passed before I met you guys, and you're 16 now! Wow, old! But back to the point, I couldn't really get you guys anything, and you totally deserve something after all the effort you put into my ah-mah-zhang birthday party last week- hah I'm still 15- so I made something!"

"Awww," Piper gushed, "you really didn't have to! I'm so flattered!"

"Laying it on a little too thick there, Pipes," Leo noted.

"Seriously, though, you didn't have to. We were more than happy to do it for you," she said. Jason nodded in agreement.

"Uh uh uh- after all the effort- don't you dare give me the 'you shouldn't have' speech." Jason held up his hands in mock surrender as he handed them both two small square packages.

"I'm...confused..." Piped admitted finally, staring at the rose gold coloured metal circle in her palm.

"Same," Jason agreed, staring at his platinum coloured one.

Leo gave a dramatic groan. "It's an alert. See," he held up his left arm, shoving them a bronze circle set around his wrist. "You see the tiny buttons? So Pipes, if you're ever stuck somewhere with Dylan and are being tortured by his horrible attempts at flirting and need our blonde superman to come fly you away, you press the platinum coloured one. It's gonna make the rose gold button on Jason's one glow, and an arrow will appear right here," he pointed at the other side of the circle. I entered the map of the school building to it, so just follow the arrow! The bronze button's for me." He grinned at the impressed look the others were giving him.

"One question, where did you get the metal for these...?" Jason looked like he didn't want to know the answer.

"Oh..." He grinned sheepishly. "Well Piper was always complaining about that ginormous hoop earring set Jane bought for her because her dad didn't have time to buy her something himself- not that I blame her- Jane probably wanted your ears to rip off from their weight or something," he shrugged. After months of telling each other everything, they weren't sensitive about stuff to do with their shitty families anymore.

"So you melted them down and made these!? Wow Leo that's so cool!" She grinned wide, and pulled him into a crushing hug. Jason joined in, and Leo felt himself relax, enjoying the feeling of the only people who cared about him- and the only people he cared about's arms wrapped around him.

"Not to ruin the moment," Jason whispered, "But why did you drag us all the way here for this? Not that it isn't amazing, of course, it's definitely the best thing I've seen ever- but why did we have to skip class?"

Leo waved his hands dismissively, "Mostly cause this is a really cool place and I just thought let's sneak into a meadow. Plus," he smirked wickedly, "I wanted to make you get in trouble for once."

#heroes of olympus #leo valdez #leo hoo #jason grace #piper mclean #jason hoo #piper hoo #times in the wilderness #jason x piper #jasper #jiper #the lost trio #the lost trio fanfic #hoo fanfic

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wegonbealright-09 · 8 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/wegonbealright-09/731704995863494656/do-you-know-what-makes-me-really-angry-with-the?source=share

I just want to disagree with this anon in 1 small way. JK is very touchy with members like Hobi and Jin maybe even more than with Tae or Jimin (probably because of shipping though post 2021 JK started leaning into the fanservice). Meanwhile Jimin is also super touchy with all the members - like the skinship and comfort he and Hobi have is just on another level. And have we seen how Jin and Tae act on stage together sometimes? That is peak fanservice right there. Nobody tell me Bangtan don't do fanservice at all because that's a lie. But why is only Jimin being targeted by the brain dead losers of that ship?

It mostly stems from homophobia imo. Most of the people shipping tkk aren't actually all that ok with same sex relationships (a fun little experiment you can do is see how many people who ship tkk overwhelmingly come from countries where same sex couples aren't well accepted and are straight themselves) - they just don't want to see the person they're thirsting after with a woman so they'll pair him up with his band mate instead. But that 'safe' pairing gets destroyed when there's an actual queer person around and that is why Jimin is their target. Because he doesn't spend all his time posturing as some super straight d*uchbag or keeping his distance from his friends and is most probably bi, so his very existence acts like some threat to these people which is only exacerbated by the way (let's be honest) jkk act sometimes.

This story isn't unique to tkk. I'm telling you this exact storyline of the 'powers that be' keeping a secret couple apart and their girlfriends / wives being evil hired accomplices is a storyline that is copy and pasted over every crazy fandom including the 'clues' the secret couple send fans. Here it's tkk, somewhere else it's Larry, another it was the Supernatural actors, ditto for the actors from Glee, and pairings from BL dramas of course, and other KPop 'couples'. It is hilarious and sad that they repeat this same story over and over again with little variations. The variation here is that in other fandoms they channeled misogyny to target these people's real life partners and here they use homophobia to target their real life friend.

One last thing - another anon mentioned that it was these ships that was holding Jimin back from achieving his peak popularity and while it doesn't help, I'll again make the case that the root of people hating on Jimin is homophobia. The minute someone says he looks like a girl, or he's too flirty or seductive or that his voice is too high pitched - just know that's just code for I don't like queer people who don't project straight. Sometimes they'll just be more subtle - there's something about Jimin I just don't like. We all know what that something is b*tch.

And secretly I've always wondered if the reason JK was selected as the primary one they'd push inspite of Jimin being so popular is because he passes as straight (he probably is straight but I said passes because I don't want to assume). After all who is Hybe's decision makers except a bunch of old men who only care about money.

Anyway sorry that this ask became so long and rambley!

And boy did you rumble!

This whole ask picked my brain on something and I am going to make a post about it when I get my pc back I can't type long paragraph with a cellphone it's exhausting

And boy did you spill anon

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i-simp-for-women · 8 months

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I always wondered why I heard old people here in America say things like "I'm sorry for you" when a parent says they are expecting a girl. (not all of course but you would be surprised how many I've encountered with this mindset)

I know it is obviously rooted by misogyny just how in some other countries they say girls are "easier" than boys. They are not easier, people just decide to control them more.

They are not more difficult either, children are children, when they have tantrums is because they don't know how to properly communicate their discomfort, but parents often punish it instead of trying to communicate.

But I think I finally understand why people in some places tend to say girls are "worse"

Because they judge and blame girls and women for EVERYTHING, they put all this weight on their shoulders and watch them crack, and instead of helping they just say "why are you being so difficult?"

"Take care of your siblings" "don't be bossy" "you are too loud" "you should smile more" "be nicer" "be obedient" "what was she wearing" "she didn't have to be such a b*tch" "she's playing hard to get" "she's dramatic" "hormonal" "on her days" "get over it" "you should be flattered he looked at you" "he just touched you a bit that is not assault" "why are you so emotional" "he is nice you are just delusional" "why would you lie? He is not like that" "no one likes nagging" "you brought this upon yourself"

Please stop!

#misogny #not her fault #what was i made for #victim blaming #patriarchy #i hate this #when will it end #when will we be free #it hurts #let us live #let us rest #we are not objects

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tatakaeeren · 11 months

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Lavender back! As expected you're the kindest and sweetest person ever and doesn't have dislikes <3333. But PhD school is 5 years and I want to do it neurodegenerative sciences research (so like schizophrenia, alzheimer's disease, stuff like that!)

now for our favorite romance tropes

enemies to lovers

GOSH DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THIS like the tension that this creates is UNRIVALED I LOVE it *SLAMS CREDIT CARD ON THE TABLE* i love it when they both are like academic rivals or something it just makes me go insane i love i love i love (OR COWORKERS? PLEASE????) (or like in kamisama where from literally the first meeting you can feel the tension just build and build like ARGH)

kuuderes

you already know how i feel about these and i scream so loud for it every time i will cheer from the bleachers for a solid kuudere yamada akito I'm looking at you my amazing boy i just love it so much i love

delinquents, social outcasts, edgy man

look i live for this, especially in a manga it just hits differently gosh when they have like the piercings, the rings, the like edgy style YES I KNOW IT'S SO CLICHE AND I WILL FOLD every time. EVERY SINGEL. TIME.

and what about youuuuu? (honorable mention is age gaps but that's getting too thirsty for me and i need to reel myself in)

ahahaah oh I do dislike things...I just don't hate them 🤣 ...soon you will find out I'm actually not a hater, I'm indifferent if I don't like something I just ignore it lol. 5 more years?!?! woahhh that's a lot but neurodegenerative sciences research sounds so fascinating and interesting, and I feel that there isn't much research about certain diseases yet.

YESSSS YES YESS AND YESSS to all of them!!! they are also my faves (including age gaps (done with delicacy and development and eventually all the characters aged up) , also I'm sorry but I'm a basic b*tch and I do enjoy my love triangles hahah I usually suffer because I also root and love the one that never wins "second male lead syndrome" 😭 . Oh I also love a good deconstruction of the shoujo tropes, the ones that are not your typical shoujo storylines or have interesting twists.

Since you mentioned "delinquents, social outcasts, edgy man" these are the few that I've been reading recently that fit the description in case you want to check them out (I'm terrible at giving summaries sorryyyyyy) but they are really good and I love all the character so much... i wouldn't be surprised if one of them becomes your fav too :)

Fundari, Kettari, Aishitari

Hikaeme ni Itte mo, Kore wa Ai

Museru Kurai no Ai wo Ageru

Uruwashi no Yoi no Tsukii

Hotaru no Yomeiri

#let me know if you give them a go!#also.. *high five* we have the same taste in romance manga XD #lavender anonie💜

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maxellminidisc · 11 months

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That last post is why I find it so silly when white women get so mad about "f*tch" as an actual identity for some people in the community. Like similar "in between" identities exist in wlw spaces of color, Ms. Shorts for example there, stems amongst Black lesbians, I think even in Mexico from my knowledge they'll even borrow the out dated use of kiki when talking about someone between presentation/identities. Hell theres even b&f adjacent terms that describe very specific levels of fluidity in these labels (chapstick, soft, lipgloss, etc). So its just silly cause undefined to fluid identities/presentations exist even amongst gay women, so like why would ALL people on the community have to fall under one or the other or have nothing at all when they absolutely feel something distinct (I'm not talking about b* l*sb**ns here, fuck off, I'm specifically talking about feeling like you don't necessarily fall under either b&f solidly or if you're say a bigender bisexual who still identifies with being a woman or a non binary person who still identifies in some way with their womanhood but still would like something to express fluidity, etc).

Also so tired of the "Its not real cause it started from a meme" excuse cause it's literally not true lol I know women in their 40s who heard the use of, identify, or identified, as f*tch mostly in the 90's, one of which was my sisters best friend from high school who is bi. Hell someone even tracked down an article from like 2002 where a lesbian herself identifies as such and that predates the stupid meme (the meme went around in 2011). So like its very real and it's a very distinct identity with it's own roots, it's just sadly been forgotten.

#to be fair theyre usually the same batch of white women who get mad at anyone but especially poc using b&f 🙄

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choices-binglebonkus · 1 year

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I think TNA and Surrender are the worst written attempts at problematic tropes/darkfic from PB.

TCH at least had a cohesive story. WB too, as annoying and tropey as Bastien was. Haven't read Queen B yet but as far as I'm concerned that story was well aware of MC having shitty behaviors and even tried to have her develop from that.

But Surrender and TNA fail because they somewhat try to use serious themes but only end up contradicting them.

TNA for instance revolves entirely around Sam and MC having an affair, yet they're always criticizing Robin and Sofia for doing the exact same shit. And to add salt to the wound, they force us to support Jenny and Aditya's affair (despite them being 100000× less sympathetic than Sofia and Robin). It's like one of those lampshadey self-aware jokes, except worse because they're forcing me to take everything seriously this time.

And it's not just in the aspect of cheating. MC and Jenny criticize Addi for being petty to "one up" MC then proceed to have options where MC can be petty and "one up" Addi.

It's like PB maybe wanted to say that they don't condone cheating but they couldn't be assed to just say so in a damn content warning because they wanted to have their cake and eat it too.

And Surrender... what else is there to say? The story revolves around MC escaping a toxic spouse and supposedly finding herself through kink. But she's doing so with someone who basically preys on her while she's still vulnerable and tries to coerce her into BDSM no less than 10 minutes after they first meet. Granted Pat and Reagan are both toxic in completely different ways (whereas MC/Sam amd Sofia/Robin did the exact same thing) but STILL. It's like going from drinking dysentery-inducing mudwater to drinking some super toxic chemical, where said super toxic chemical is made all bright and pretty-looking to make it seem better than the dysentery-inducing mudwater.

And it leaves both of them feeling like wasted potential.

I vastly prefer TCH to Wolf Bride, and I vastly prefer Wolf Bride to TNA and Surrender, which are really stiff competition for each other.

TCH’s strong suit was its cohesiveness. Kieran never grew on me because they left a really awful taste in my mouth and didn’t seem to grow realistically. Wolf Bride was…well, it had its own…unique…problems. And the Queen B MC did grow at one point, but still reverted right back into her old catty, needlessly cruel ways, and didn’t really receive any consequences for it.

The Nanny Affair was really just a series where everyone had this holier than thou attitude and it did not suit any of them well. The MC and Sam, forgetting about their toxic relationship for a minute, are both so hypocritical it’s laughable. You’re really going to shame Sofia for doing the exact thing you’re doing? And the Addison thing was a whole mess. Hey kids, your new soon-to-be stepmother bought you this really cool gift! Not because she thought you’d really like it or anything, just to one-up your mom!

Also a side note: Sam was so similar to my abusive ex that it was frightening at times. Like, some of the things they did and said were absolutely uncanny. It was jarring.

As for Surrender, that one’s just a toxic cesspool from the get go. The roots are rotten to the core so just uproot that whole tree. I feel bad for the MC. She seems like a genuinely good person and doesn’t deserve any of the shit Reagan and Pat give/gave her.

Every book and idea has potential, but as you said, the potential was wasted.

#asks #tw: abuse #tw: toxic relationships #long post

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hillnerd · 1 year

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Please sort The Hunger Games characters into HoGwaRtS Houses :

For reference (according wikia)

Hufflepuff : Loyalty and hard working

Gryffindor : Bravery and chivalry

Ravenclaw : Wit and learning

Slytherin : Cunning and ambition

You can include as many characters as you want/can.

And you can give a reason why do you sort that character into that house.

Thank you so much 😊

PS : this is just for fun, if you don't like HP or THG, just ignore this ask 🔥

@curiousnonny

Fun!

Katniss- Gryffindor. I can see why people think Slytherin for her at times- but honestly she's much too reckless and daring for that- she barely thinks a few steps ahead and is bullheaded. She's almost a Puff with how loyal she is- but it's that sort of fiery 'f@^k you!' Gryffindor energy that feels like the sort of reckless 'saving people/damn the consequences/screw authority' energy we see from Harry and Sirius and other lions at times. She doesn't play games very often at all- she's a survivor, but basically all characters have to be one in this world, so i don't think that's what makes her unique- what makes her unique is how daring she is.

Peeta- Hufflepuff. Like, not even a little bit of a debate for me. He has that calm, kind, rooted energy- and he's literally a baker who paints and is so loyal he's willing to die- just like walks up and is like 'eh shoot me...' like, no contest at all. He is goodness and steadfast and everything puff- including that deep-seated 'I'll kill if I have to- don't make me mad- you wouldn't like me when I'm mad' badger energy. Now as much of a puff as he is, he DOES have the makings of the other houses- he is very brave, he is very smart, and boy oh boy can he be cunning- but that's Hufflepuff- they work tirelessly and can bring out all sorts of other strengths if they need to.

Gale- He's the hardest to sort for me- Like super hard! Because he's quite intelligent, loyal, and ambitious! Buuuut, I also think he's a Gryffindor! I know I know, I'm sounding like a basic b!tch, but he's just SO passionate about his causes. He is a dude who puts his cause above all, and is willing to die for it- and his cause isn't some selfish one- it's freedom for all. He's chivalry and bravery in spades.

Haymitch- He's a Slytherin to me. As smart as he is, and as brave as he is, he's MOST cunning. He isn't out there looking to be creative for creativity's sake- he is creative only when it's to sort out a problem. He doesn't stick his neck out and risk his life without purpose behind it- and even then, how much risk did he actually take for himself? When he sees an opportunity he exploits it beautifully, when he sees a way to exploit someone he does- and he has no regrets- because he can rationalize the why very easily. He's loyal, smart and brave in that Slytherin way, and that's why I love him.

Quick sorts, which I can justify should you ask about them

Primrose- Ravenclaw Finnick- Hufflepuff Beetee- Ravenclaw Rue- Hufflepuff Joanna- Slytherin Madge- Hufflepuff Effie- Ravenclaw Cinna- Gryffindor Plutarch- Ravenclaw Caesar- Slytherin Paylor- Hufflepuff Coin- Hufflepuff Snow- Slytherin

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loser-female · 6 months

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When I went off prozac I started having flashbacks.

SRI’s are clinically designed to cause dissociation and emotional shut down and repression of memories.

I’ve told folks I didn’t have withdraws and will sound contradictory by saying when I went off prozac I had flashbacks, but what happened is prozac gave me dissociative amnesia. I was sexually abused and then put on meds. I remember my memories slowly become shut down and repressed to where I “forgot” that I was molested as a child.

I hate how SRI’s are so heavily pushed. I don’t think most therapists (and 100% psychiatrist are not,) trauma informed.

SRI’s are sold based on a hypothesis that anxiety, depression, etc, are biochemical imbalances. They’re not… that is a hypothesis which is falsifiable by definition.

Dianthus stress model, in contrast, is a scientific theory (suggests our brains develop in early childhood around our environments.) it is a scientific fact. Yet whenever I suggest that I believe mental illness are rooted in early childhood trauma, I get mocked. But men have already said this numerous times, folks just don’t listen to women I feel like (like Daniel Mackler, Dr Gabor Matè, Charles Linden, etc etc.)

Yet even when I was studying psychology, my professor brushed over that and dismissed it.

Recovery just doesn’t sell.

Psychiatry is very patriarchal. Oppressed women act like oppressed people and are mediated.

Anxiety and depression are normal responses to oppression.

Internalized anger can lead to depression. I had a psych tell me this and stated this is why we more often see women with depression and in codependency groups, while men are in anger management. (If you’re a woman and externalize you’re a b*tch that’s why.)

Thoughts on pysch?

Like I honestly never found SRI’s helpful but when I went off of them at 19, it was my choice. My mother got obsessively angry and would tru to force me back in meds and I’d repeatedly tell her I was an adult. She put me on meds by the time I was in about 1st or 2nd grade.

Under the cut because I don't want to trigger anyone with my personal history of mental illness

Hi! So... You are actually preaching to the choir on all of this.

That being said, for a variety of reasons, I think my brain is just broken. My depression has always been very "mechanical", like you could tell that my brain was a broken clock. I just started to shut down and got to the point of sleeping 18 hours a day, with unaliving thoughts.

There was no other solution for me than take meds. I've started therapy because my illness made me act like a total jackass and it wasn't fair to anyone around me. It took me several years to get to the point of being a functional human, and I still struggle a lot daily.

When I say that my brain is a broken clock, I mean it with no self hatred it's just what it is. It just came out wrong and at this point, I don't think I can do better than what I'm doing now, unless they like, approve a super ADHD medication that makes me asymptomatic.

For trauma I'm doing wonders with EDMR btw, if you can access it. I've been abused by my educators because of my ADHD (psychological, emotional and verbal abuse, but also I kind of remember a couple of time where I got hit? But I'm not sure), and now I'm focusing on this.

I feel like I'm out of the woods now, and once I'm done with EDMR I'm going to just drop everything because I can deal with the things going on. I'm sick of seeing doctors and psychologists even if i had a good explanation with it. This is also why I'm stopping my SSRI, i don't need it.

Oh lord I forgot my point lol. So, I do agree that for a lot of women depression and anxiety are caused by oppression and trauma, and I hate the healthcare industry (even if in my country is not an industry). But two things can be true at the same time, and I do think a lot of people (don't ask me for a %, I wouldn't know) also develop mental illness for other reasons. I think I just came out this way for example because of how obvious my symptoms are.

And I'm sorry that those professionals act so dismissive, it's unscientific and bad practice. I hate how people are being given medication like it was candy - this is a problem. If I have a terrible mood because I don't know if I can pay rent for example, giving me happy pills won't help.

I felt incredibly betrayed when the review about the chemical imbalance came out btw because I feel like I should have been given this information and I wasn't. That would have been helpful.

And I really really hate to think of my difficulties as the result of bad things done to me, because I'm not sure I would be able to cope with it.

I hope this makes sense, I've been up since 5 am and I'm currently working.

#ada.txt #mental health

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epiphanygoddess · 2 years

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Here are some 💯 Facts about me (LONG & DETAILED, oh and I skipped some questions that I don't want to answer)

1. Five ways to win your Heart

• Transparency

• Ride or Die with me

• Be a little more gentle & compassionate (cuz am sensitive af)

• Quality Time (gifts of any forms and kinds)

• Be Stylish as possible ~ (Arts & Physical Aesthetics)

2. Something you feel strongly about

➡️ I've always had a kinship for Depth, things that are considered Taboo and unusual by the Society.

3. A book you love

➡️ Murder House by James Patterson

5. Things you want to say to an ex

➡️ "I can't think of anything to say . . Fvck it." (Charles Lee Ray, Seed of Chucky reference)

7. Five Pet Peeves

• I don't like my hair being touched and toyed with. (Unless I like you, then I'd let you.)

• Germs (I've genuinely acquired a freakin' phobia ever since the Pandemic, as a result I always bring sanitizers & alcohol with me and use it every single time I touch any objects. It even came to a point in which my hands were so dry and gets wounded. So ye, It is guaranteed an OCD now.)

• I am extremely indecisive and picky when it comes to my clothing, and it buys time y'know.. Sometimes this is the root cause of me and my mom's discourse.

• I don't like to walk around the house barefooted, I need to at least wear slippers/socks.

• Peeps who don't know personal space.

8. What you Ate today

➡️ Fried Fish (Bangus, Specifically. I am into Pescetarian diet)

10. Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play

➡️ Stained Glass (Madison Beer)

➡️ Hey Kids (Molina)

➡️ Working b*tch (Ashnikko)

➡️ Wine red (Hush Sound)

➡️ Salvation Butterfly (01g. No Gosan)

➡️ Knives and Pens (Black Veil Brides)

➡️ Blood in the Water (Grandson)

➡️ Make you mine (Taniyama Kishou)

➡️ Lullaby (Polina Gagarina)

➡️ Afterlife (Avenged Sevenfold)

12. Five guys whom you find attractive

Celebrity or nah? (I'll go with celebs)

➡️ Ryan Gosling

➡️ Levi Miller

➡️ Nobuhiko Okamoto

➡️ Mamoru Miyano

➡️ Andrew Astor

13. Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

➡️ My confidence level varies, but I am genuinely in love with my body and skin. I'd say despite my eyebags, I believe that my eyes are the most attractive thing about me.

14. What you wore today

➡️ Striped-White and green t-shirt-like Hoodie and navy blue jean shorts.

15. Your Zodiac sign/Horoscope and if you think it fits your personality

➡️ I am a Proud Pisces sun and It does have a contribution to my super sensitive nature. Anyways, as much as I am a geek on Astrology, I don't want to associate the Characteristics of being a Piscean way too much into who I truly am as a person on a soul level, cuz some peeps be actin weird because of this. We need to have a reality check, and must not get too caught up on many contexts about Astrology since it is complex and the so-called characteristics of every Zodiac signs are interchangeable. Remember we are Humans not Cyborgs, Internet can be so overwhelming and is toxic, we have to replenish ourselves by leaving our house every once in a while.

16. Something you always think "What if..." About

➡️ What if I'm gone tomorrow, will i still retain some of my deep & dark suppressed memories when I was once still alive?.. Like, I don't want to carry those anymore in my next life.. I just want an Eternal peace.

17. Something that you're proud of

➡️ I'm proud of who I am as a person, mind, body and soul and I'll unapologetically keep my head and chin up high and set my priorities straight, full speed ahead and continue to exist, thrive and pave my way to success.

19. Five items you lust after

➡️ My own future House

➡️ My own future car

➡️ Money (who tf doesn't right?)

➡️ Extravagant Clothing + Cosmetics

➡️ Jewelries

20. Your fears

➡️ Being Forgotten, Acrophobia & germs

21. How you hope your future will be like

➡️ Abundance and prosperity in all areas of my life, peace & Serendipity.

22. Your Academics

I am Mediocre, if the questions about favorite subject, I love Philosophy.

23. Something that you miss

I miss my Dead dog, Toots 😭💖

25. Something you're currently worrying about

➡️ I overthink to death about everything and it keeps me up at night.

28: Somewhere you'd like to move to or visit

J A P A N, N O T H I N G E L S E

29: five weird things that you like

(Go back to my answer in #2)

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