#i'm just having thoughts... you understand
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"If I turn around and there's a hero, vigilante, anti hero, villain, anything or anyone related in anyway to the Justice League, I'm going to fucking lose."
It was quiet for a second, then, "Don't turn around?"
Red fucking Robin. "What did I just say?" Phantom turned on his heel to face the young vigilante.
The kid threw his hands up, "I told you not to turn around!"
"And yet here we are," he crossed his arms. "The hell do you want?"
"You seem awfully snippy today."
"Seeing as you and everyone under the sun has been stalking me, trying to get answers to questions I'm not going to answer, I think you can excuse my attitude."
With a huff, Red Robin also crossed his arms. "How do you know what I'm going to ask if no one else has been able to talk to you?"
"Because living beings are all the same. Curiosity of the unknown drags you around by your ear." Phantom turned back to continue walking away, "Now go away."
The kid matched his pace. "No way,"
His eyebrow twitched ever so slightly. "I have a meeting soon, kid. You can't come along." That was a total lie. He had nothing going on that demanded his attention now that Constantine had ditched him after getting the demon under control. Maybe he could drop by Fawcett and visit Billy?
"No you don't." This damn kid-! "You've been wandering aimlessly for the past hour."
Phantom turned again to face the vigilante. "First of all, stalking people is hella creepy. Second of all, my schedule is none of your damn business."
"Careful there, kid," Red Robin smirked, "You'll get scolded for having a potty mouth."
"I'm thirty-fucking-eight!"
"You're literally fourteen."
Phantom closed his eyes. "Nocturn give me patience," he then looked Red Robin directly in the eye, "We've had this conversation. I'm dead. I don't physically age. That doesn't change the fact that I have walked this planted for thirty-eight years. Is that simple enough for you to understand or do I need to dumb it down for you?"
Red Robin blinked, his mouth agape. What? Did he just- The nerve! The audacity! "I'll have you know," he huffed, "I'm smarter than Batman."
"He tell you that himself?"
"Yes." It was one of the only times Batman had ever praised him, so that interaction was held particularly close.
Phantom looked Red Robin up and down, his expression reading both 'are-you-serious' and 'what-do-want?-a-medal?' Without a word, he turned back to his path and began his march anew. Any attempts at conversation from Red Robin was ignored, much to the younger's chagrin. Maybe he'd go away if he ignored him long enough.
Phantom and Red Robin wandered for the better part of an hour, not so much as a word passing between them. Neither stopped for any reason, and neither broke the set pace. It could almost be considered a friendly stroll through the city, if one ignored the slight apprehension surrounding the two.
Red Robin took this time to observe Phantom. He'd never spent too much time around anyone from the JLD who wasn't Raven, so he took the opportunity to get to know another on the team.
Phantom insisted that he was thirty-eight, not fourteen, and that the reason he looks as young as he does is because he looks like he did when he died. Not a comforting thought in the slightest. He knew that, though, when B had briefed him on all the members of or associated with the Justice League.
His powerset was almost completely unknown. They'd all seen him use a flight/levitation ability, as well as some form of density shifting and a healing factor, but Red Robin was more than sre that Phantom had more up his sleeve than that. He worked as a part of the JLD team, so he had to have some magical understanding or capabilities. But Raven wouldn't tell him if she knew, no matter how much he pestered her.
Looking at the kid now, Red Robin seriously wondered if Phantom had a civilian disguise. Ether white hair, toxic green eyes, the glow he seems to give off, and the contrasting bright white and vantablack suit and gloves he wore could not be easy to hide.
There was also a slight sense of unease Red Robin felt when looking at or being around Phantom for a long time. He hadn't noticed it before, but now it was as obvious as a neon sign. It was a strange mix of Uncanny Valley and sinking horror. Why was he feeling like this?
Phantom stopped in his tracks in a dead end alley. Without turning around he said, "Alright, spit it out. What do you want to ask?"
Red Robin hesitated for a moment. Surely it couldn't be that easy? Was Phantom really going to answer his questions? He shook his head to snap himself out of it.
"Come on, kid," Phantom pulled a piece of chalk from his front pocket. "I don't have all day."
Red Robin wanted to scoff because he most certainly did have all day. But, he pushed it aside. He was about to get answers that not even the Justice League could get! He decided to start of easy. "When did you die?"
"Try again." was the growled response.
"What?"
"I said 'Try again'."
Okay, okay. Touchy. "Why'd you join the Justice League?"
"I was bored." It was clipped. Phantom's on edge. Why?
"What're the rest of your powers? I know you have more than what you've shown everyone."
Phantom walked to the wall and started to draw a door on it with the chalk. "Next question."
Red Robin rolled his eyes. "Fine. How did you die?"
Every movement from Phantom froze. Every minute, involuntary twitch, even the telling signs of breathing. For a long minute, nothing happened and Red Robin had the dawning sense that he'd just asked something he really shouldn't have.
Phantom drew a circle in the rectangle he'd drawn on the wall, completing the door. "I'm going to give you a piece of advice that you seem to have completely glossed over." The piece of chalk was hidden away as he gripped the now 3D door handle. "If you value your life, don't ask the dead how they died." He opened the door and stepped through before looking back at the red clad vigilante. "They won't be so nice about it." Then, the door closed and the chalk erased itself.
Part 6
Tag List:
@zaiothe4th @someonebored0100 @wolfeyedwitch @angelheartgamer @nymanders @princessbelix @luminanightfall @kgne-k @bianca-hooks123 @reigning-catsanddogs @sassywombatranchhorse @dontfightmecauseillcry @soul-lime @anarinette @serasvictoria02 @the-chaos-goblin-child @confusedshades @caicie @fantasticstoryteller @randomshtickidk @itsberrydreemurstuff @blueliac @i-love-mangoes @nymanders @highimpactemotions @anarinette @sleepingdead96
#part 6#Enough Caffeine to Kill an Elephant#no ships#danny phantom#red robin#dc x dp#dp x dc#don't ask the dead how they died#it's a good way to get on a shitlist
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the asmp has ended!
for those who don't know, asmp was a passion project that was always going to end. it was a one-pov storyline! unlike other SMPs that have been created, this survival multiplayer sever was a pre-meditated narrative but just using minecraft as the medium!
i created the "asmp" narrative awhile ago, but didn't know how to truly do the story justice. i was going to originally drop the storyline but as a book in the future, but i wanted to try and truly push myself by making a physical story and thought minecraft would be the perfect medium for that as i'm able to create builds, have my friends play the characters, and as well physically create exactly what the main character is seeing
using minecraft as the medium was great, however there is a common misconception with this project that it being "one pov" means its "not a real smp". i hope you expand your knowledge further and understand back in the day, this is what "SMPs" were all about! storylines all under the false guise of being a normal "server world." while there was a storyline the entire time, the audience and the character you were watching explored the world together!
i hope this makes sense for those confused :D the whole idea of it being a "solo POV" is because it was always going to end, it was always a story, from the first episode. i just had to use the false guise of "oh yeah, my friends can definitely hop on anytime and only i can stream it" because.. well.. i couldn't TELL YOU, the AUDIENCE, that there was always a storyline to be followed because it'd spoil what was truly happening.. you know.. like a book..
i hope you enjoyed the storyline, and now you know exactly what it is.. maybe a season two is in order.. maybe if i decide not to do it through minecraft, could be through written work instead?
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i want nobody but you | p.sh
synopsis → you and sunghoon have known each other your whole lives and although you've both dealt with jokes from classmates since elementary school on how you two would end up together, that never ended up happening; you two would brush it off and then move on. you never really thought about pursuing something with him romantically, especially since you like things with a more casual approach. but once sunghoon's girlfriend becomes a part of the picture, you can't help but feel these feelings consume you. being the way you are, however, you managed to push them down and you at least thought you got over them until you realize maybe they never left at all. or even worse: they were always there.
feat. → yujin (ive) & sungchan (riize)
genre → college au, friends to somewhat enemies to lovers, romance, smut, angst (eh, ig), slowburn (ig? srry lmao)
pairing → nonidol!sunghoon x fem!reader
warnings → MDNI, smoking !! (reader and sunghoon both smoke), drinking, cursing, mention(s?) of death, mention of hookups, reader is called and referred to (sometimes self referred to) as a: slut/whore; slutshaming, !! potential sh reference (pinching/hitting self; dk if that counts, but it's not mentioned after) !!, mentions of sex (obvi)
w.c. → 22.7k
a/n → long time no see lol. lmk if u would be interested in seeing some pics i took at the enha concert i went to :)) (i won't do vids because i was screaming like a baboon lmao) p.s. bear w me bc ik this is a long one, but i feel like i owe you all since i've been gone for practically a century, but pls give it a chance, i'm on my knees begging bc this took 3 days
disclaimer !! → i don’t ship any idols i portray as dating in this story irl nor do i have the intent to portray anyone in this story in a negative light, this is just for creative purposes, babes <3; this is all just fiction, take it lightly pls and thx
!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!
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Today has been a long day. You groan as you take a seat on a bench somewhere near the lecture hall you just left and you close your eyes as you lean back against it. You had originally thought your senior year of high school was torturous, but being a senior in college was far worse. Your eyebrows furrow a bit when you feel the weight of the bench shift a bit, meaning someone has taken a seat beside you. Your eyes open a bit and you turn your head to see Sunghoon next to you. A sigh escapes your lips and you turn your head away, closing your eyes again.
Sunghoon sits there for a moment, looking at you. Lately, you two haven’t hung out as much and although he admittedly forgot to text you for the past week and half, you were still his best friend. He could argue, though, that “the phone works both ways”, so you’re not exactly innocent either. He’s seen you around campus, hanging out with some members of the basketball team, mainly the captain: Sungchan. You didn’t seem bothered by the lack of contact between the two of you, either, so it didn’t bother him or make him feel guilty that you haven’t hung out in just a few days. No…not at all.
“Nice to see you, too.” he mumbles. You stay quiet, honestly close to falling asleep on the bench, especially with the warm breeze that is gently blowing. He narrows his eyes a bit and leans back against the bench. He does the same as you, closing his eyes as he relaxes, but he frowns to himself. “You and Sungchan seem to be close.” he says, not really even understanding why he brought it up in the first place.
This piques your interest. “What about him.” you say rather than ask, still keeping your eyes closed.
Sunghoon shrugs, still not really sure why he cares who you hang out with or how often or who they are or…anything like that. Maybe it upsets him to think about the fact that you might replace him with someone cooler as your best friend; maybe he was too lame for you. How juvenile, he thought to himself. But that’s what it felt like, to him, at least. “Nothing. I’ve just seen you guys hanging out a lot, that’s all.” Sunghoon replies.
“How would you know that; we haven’t really hung out or talked lately.” you reply, not meaning to sound snarky, but it most likely came across that way.
Sunghoon scoffs softly. “I have eyes; I can still see who you talk to.”
You open your eyes a bit and turn your head to look at him. “Stalker.” you tease.
Sunghoon opens his eyes, almost as if he can feel you looking at him and he rolls them, not amused. “Am not…I’m just trying to start a conversation or whatever.”
“About the people I talk to?”
Sunghoon shrugs. “About anything…” It stays quiet for a moment. “It’s just been a while since we’ve talked.”
“And whose fault is that?” You ask, rhetorically.
Sunghoon frowns. “Well, I’ve just been busy-”
You scoff, “Yeah. I know.” You reply dryly.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing. Just that that’s what you always say whenever we don’t talk to each other for a while. Like, I get it, you’re dating Yujin, big whoop.”
You’ve considered the possibility that he has just been busy with schoolwork, but no matter how many times you would give him the benefit of the doubt, it always ended up being because he was hanging out with Yujin. You weren’t really mad, per say, just annoyed. Severely annoyed. But what could you do? Ever since they started dating freshman year, you’ve felt like you were on the backburner. Which, again, you can’t really be upset about that. Afterall, she’s his girlfriend, whether you liked it or not. There is nothing wrong with her, you two got along fine, even if you don’t really talk or are even friends. You don’t hate her, not for any valid reasons, anyway. Still, despite how many people you know, Sunghoon is your only real friend and always has been. But it’s times like these when it feels like he means more to you than you mean to him.
“She’s my girlfriend.” He says, matter-of-factly.
You roll your eyes at his statement. “I know that,” you retort with annoyance, “you only ever bring it up every chance you get.”
“You seriously can’t be annoyed that I spend time with my own girlfriend.” He responds with the same tone.
Sometimes, Sunghoon gets caught up in things. Like being with Yujin, for example. He’ll be with her and then it just slips his mind to respond to a text of yours or to ask if you want to do something, he can’t help it. He knows that he’s your best friend and he’s certain that you’re his, too. Sure, Yujin means a lot to him, but you mean more, whether he would admit that or not. He just wants to make everything balanced, for everything to work out. But a part of him feels like something has been off since he started dating Yujin. Sure, he’s had other girlfriends, but never one for longer than a few months. This relationship is important to him. What if Yujin is the one? He can’t screw it up and he’s afraid to, so he makes sure to spend as much time with her as he can. He thought you would understand, but apparently not.
You’ve met Sunghoon’s other girlfriends, none of which bothered you as much as Yujin. Maybe because this one seems more serious. Maybe because she seems more important to him. The thought makes your stomach curdle. This whole situation makes your stomach curdle. You shouldn’t care so much, but you do. You hate that. “Whatever.” you reply, honestly not having thought of anything better to respond with. What were you supposed to say to that? Of course you understood, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.
“Besides, like I said, you and Sungchan have been hanging out a lot recently. Don’t act like you’ve never blown me off to hang out with him.” Sunghoon says.
“Barely.”
“Not barely. A lot. ‘Oh, Sungchan invited me to his basketball game to watch’, ‘Oh, Sungchan invited me to a party,’ ‘Oh, Sungchan wants to hook up’, ‘Oh, Sungchan this and Sungchan that’.” Sunghoon mocks, annoyed.
You frown. “Why do you care? You’ve got a girlfriend, so just hang out with her instead.”
Sunghoon frowns as well. “That’s not the point. The point is that you ditch me just the same to hang out with a guy who you’re not even dating. You don’t talk to me sometimes when you’re with him or another guy, so why are you so upset that I do the same with Yujin, who I’m actually dating?”
“Stop rubbing in the fact that you’re dating someone. Good for you, who gives a shit? So what if I do the same? It’s only because you do it first!” you argue back. You grab your backpack and stand up as you put it on. You start walking away from him and he watches you as you leave.
“Great talk!” he calls out to you in a sarcastic manner.
He didn’t mean to make you upset or try to “rub his relationship” in your face, he would never try to intentionally make you upset. So, why did he care? He doesn’t, it’s as simple as that. Maybe you doing the same thing to him with Sungchan bothered him a little. Maybe you wanting to spend your time instead with someone else you’re not even dating bothered him a little. But it’s not like he actually cared or anything. He knows he can’t tell you what to do or who to see, so why does he care? He knows he blew you off, so why didn’t he just apologize? Why did he bring up Sungchan in the first place? Sunghoon sits on the bench for a moment, rethinking things. Why was he acting like you were ignoring him when it was kind of the other way around? He sighs and closes his eyes again. He’ll figure it out later.
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You let out a long yawn as the dim glow from your computer screen shines on your face. It’s three in the morning, and sure, you have a class tomorrow, but you can’t sleep and figure you can just skip your lecture anyway. Even if your brightness was all the way down, it still hurt your eyes every so often, so you would close them to make them feel better while you listened to the show you were watching. You hear your phone ding and your eyes open, your hand reaching for your phone to see the text.
“are you awake?” Sunghoon texts.
He knows you are. You almost always are, which is why he knew you would see the message. Although, he did anticipate the idea of you ignoring him. You were good at things like that, things that required a stubborn attitude. He didn’t mind your stubbornness, though. He didn’t mind anything when it came to you. He waited a bit, sitting in the darkness with just the light of his phone screen, his thumb gently tapping it so it doesn’t automatically turn off as he waits for you to text back.
“yeah.” you text back.
It took you a few minutes and in all honesty, you almost didn’t respond. But you missed him, which even if he asks directly, you would deny. You wonder if he missed you too, but you shake that thought away.
“still pissy?”
This makes you laugh a little. Yes, you were, but you still found it a little funny.
“shut up.” you text back.
“wanna hang out?”
You sigh. Now he wants to? It takes you a while to reply with anything as you just stare at his message.
“can u bring the usual?” you reply.
He smiles at your text. “duh” he texts back.
You smile a bit, looking forward to actually hanging out with him. The whole argument was dumb anyway and you just wanted your best friend back. And after a while of waiting, you hear a knock on your dorm room door. You get up from your bed and unlock it, opening it as you step outside. He smiles softly when he sees you and you smile a bit back. You both quietly leave your dorm building before going outside and sitting on the curb. He sets the plastic bag he was carrying between you two and opens a bottle of beer before handing it to you. You take it and he opens his own, both of you taking a sip as a cool breeze blows softly.
“Sorry about earlier,” he says quietly, “and for not talking to you for a week. I just got caught up with Yujin, you know?”
You take another drink, not really interested in discussing this anymore. “It’s fine.”
“I also wasn’t trying to rub her and I into your face and make you feel bad or anything, it’s just…” he trails off. It’s silent for a moment as you both drink. “This week has been shitty.” he mumbles.
“Amen to that.” you reply. He chuckles softly and you both clink your bottles before smiling and taking another drink.
“How’s your love life going, anyway?” he asks, genuinely curious.
Sure, there were other things he wanted to talk about, could talk about, but this is what slipped out of his mouth first. He was actually curious, he truly wants to know. He just wants to see you happy.
You shrug, “The same; just hook ups.”
He looks at you for a moment. That’s it? You’ve been hooking up with people since the beginning of high school. Sure, you’ve dated some guys before, but they were all assholes; Sunghoon never liked them. He couldn’t stand them, to put it plainly. You deserve better, and he knows that. But he also knows you’re not into relationships. You like things to be simple and direct. But when it comes to how you feel, he knew you weren’t very expressive with that. Only when it comes to getting what you want. He kind of admires that about you.
“So…no one in particular? You just kind of…go after who you think is the hottest?”
You grin, “Something like that.” you take a sip, “So…how are things going with Yujin?”
You honestly hate that you asked. Why would you? Why would you want to hear about that? Surely, things must be going wonderfully if he’s so wrapped up in all that is her. But you’re still friends. It’s normal to ask these kinds of questions, right? Maybe he won’t really say much anyway and you’ll be a good friend for even asking. That’s what you’re hoping for, at least.
"Well... things have been kind of weird. She's been acting kinda distant recently; I don't know how else to explain it. She just seems really bored all the time. Like, the sex is good but it just seems like she's not into me anymore or something." he replies.
You give him a weird look as he brings up the topic of sex with Yujin. Gross. Just...Gross.
“Describing sex with your ‘girlfriend’ as good is never a good thing.” you say as you laugh a bit, taking a sip.
Sunghoon scoffs a bit. Why did it seem like you were happy to hear that? It irritated him a bit, but he brushed it off. “Well, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s more like…it’s become something that’s routine.”
“Yeah, that’s probably not a good sign.”
Sunghoon sighs. "I know... it's just so weird though. I mean, we've been together for so long, and she's never been the type to get bored like this. It just sucks. I'm worried if something happened between us that's making her not want to be with me anymore."
You look at him for a moment as he drinks. You hate seeing him upset and you know that Yujin means a lot to him, especially since this is his first big relationship. You frown a bit as you drink. “Have you asked her?” you take another sip, “Aren’t people in relationships supposed to communicate and shit?”
"Yeah, I asked her and she said everything was fine, but like... I don't know. I just have a feeling that she's not telling me something, and I've tried asking her multiple times, but every time, she always says everything's fine." he takes another drink. “That’s pretty much what I’ve been spending last week doing, just…trying to fix what may not even be broken.” he mumbles.
You feel bad now for getting upset at him for blowing you off. It makes sense and you just got defensive again, not really knowing what he was doing. You sit there for a moment, not really sure what to say. Sunghoon didn’t mind the silence, though. He was trying to focus on Yujin and figure out why things feel this way when maybe, they aren’t even that way at all. Maybe it’s him. He isn’t sure, but he is sure that he already feels a million times better being with you, even if it is just sitting next to each other on a curb in silence.
“Do you cum?” you ask.
Sunghoon chokes on his beer a little, hitting his chest a bit as he coughs. He looks at you, not expecting your question at all, and as for you, well, you weren’t really expecting to ask it. It kind of just…came out. Your initial thought process was to ask more about his feelings on things in the relationship, seeming more like a routine, but it kind of led to you wondering if he even cums. In your defense, you thought that if he doesn’t, then maybe the relationship is going downhill. You look at him, as if what you asked was totally normal, taking another sip of your beer. He looks back at you, seeming to have processed what you asked.
“...yeah, pretty much every time.”
“Does she?”
Again, not something you really want to know, but you do want to help him.
“...sometimes, but most of the time she doesn’t.”
You suck air through your teeth, “Uh-oh.”
“It’s not a big deal, you know, so what if sometimes we don’t? It’s not about that, it’s just about…connecting or whatever.” he mumbles as he takes a sip.
“So, then what? Do you guys just like…do it yourself?”
“Yeah, so?”
You laugh. You can’t help it, it’s just too funny. Not his obvious pain with his relationship kind of going south, but the fact that he finds this to be normal. You at least found that funny.
“What’s so funny?” he asks, pissed off, but also slightly embarrassed.
“Dude, I'm not a relationship expert, but like...shouldn't people who have sex, I don't know, finish every time? I mean, I have never really had that happen often with any of the guys I hook up with, but hey, what do I know.”
"Well... I guess, but it's not a big deal to me. As long as she enjoys it, that's what's important. And, it's not like it happens all the time. Sometimes she does finish, but it's just... well, not as often as I would hope..." he takes another sip.
You roll your eyes to yourself. Kind of out of instinct. If you’re going to be frank, you don’t give a damn about her.
You shrug, “I don’t know,” you take another sip, “you say you don’t cum sometimes, how come?”
“I don’t know…it just happens?”
You shake your head, “Nah, there’s a reason.”
“But the reason is dumb and I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” he takes another sip.
“Do you think she’s hot?”
What a stupid question. You wish you didn’t ask it. Why would you want to hear him talk about yet again how hot he thinks she is. It makes your blood boil and you would rather bash yourself over the head with your beer bottle than hear him talk about how perfect she is. But, there is a small, small part of you hoping for a certain answer. Only a small part.
“Of course I do.” he replies, simply.
“So, then, what’s the problem?”
“Sometimes I have a hard time finishing, happy? Jesus…” he mumbles as he drinks some more.
You roll your eyes. You’ve known each other your whole lives, you know when he’s lying.
“Mmm,” you take another sip, “no, you see, sometimes when I hook up with guys, I suddenly don't feel attracted to them, so then sometimes I don't finish. So do you just like sometimes not like her or something?”
He shakes his head, "No, I'm always attracted to her. But... sometimes I have a hard time finishing, and I don't know why that is."
“What do you think about?” you ask, kind of quietly.
A part of you didn’t want to ask that, besides, this conversation was becoming weird. But that small, small part of you was so desperately hoping for a certain answer. Fucked up? Yeah, most definitely, but that didn’t seem to stop you.
“About what?” he asks, actually clueless.
“When you’re having sex, what do you think about?” you ask again, taking a sip of your beer.
“...about her, that’s what you’re supposed to do, so,” he trails off, “Sometimes I…think about other things...” he answers, blushing a bit.
“Like what?”
“Just…random stuff. Why do you want to know anyway?” he asks, getting slightly defensive.
“Maybe that's what's distracting you. I don't know, spice things up with her or something. Or have an actual conversation with her about how you feel or whatever.” you mutter as you finish your beer.
He takes another sip of his beer. “Why are you acting like some sort of relationship counselor? You’ve never even really been in a relationship yourself.”
Maybe he wanted to piss you off with what he said, but only so you could back off. “Spice things up”? Yujin and him are fine, he’s deciding that right here, right now. He doesn’t want your help with this or to even discuss it anymore with you. It feels weird. Besides, he doesn’t want you to think that he’s…not good at sex. Not for any other reasons, just that…he doesn’t want you to think that about him.
You set your bottle down and look at him. “Because you’re my friend? I don’t know. Why do you care?” You hold your hand out, wanting him to hand the cigarettes he brought while your other hand digs into your sweatpants pocket for your lighter.
He reaches into the bag and hands them to you, knowing full well you could have grabbed them yourself, yet he still obliged. “So, in all of your hooking up, have you ever had feelings for anyone you hooked up with? And not those bullshit feelings for your douchebag exes, like actual feelings. Or have they all just been hookups?” he asks, hoping to change the subject.
You open the pack, “Hookups.”
“Every single one?”
“Mhm.” you answer, taking one out and putting it into your mouth, lighting it as you take a drag.
“So you’ve never fallen in love with anyone you’ve hooked up with?”
You laugh, “Fallen in love? How stupid.” you say as you take another drag.
“Okay, love might be a strong word, but like, have you never developed feelings for any of the people you’ve hooked up with?” he asks, finishing his beer.
“Nah.”
"Right, right. So, you're just all about hookups then, and that's cool, no shame or anything; I get it. But you've never felt even just a little bit of loneliness from it?" he asks as he sets his bottle down. You ignore his question, taking another drag. He knows by your reaction that he’s said something that bothers you. Whenever anything is mentioned that may reveal how you truly feel, you just block it off and move on. He sighs, not too sure why he bothered asking since you always ignore these types of topics. Sometimes, he wished you wouldn’t. He wished you would be more open with him. It feels like he can talk to you about anything and everything, even if sometimes he doesn’t want to, but he does anyway because you…well, you’re you. "I mean, it's gotta get kinda boring... always hooking up, never really connecting with anyone. Unless you don't care about that kind of thing."
“Love is stupid.” you reply flatly.
What a groundbreaking opinion. Truly, nobody has ever felt or thought the same thing. Great stuff. Sunghoon sighs at your answer, not really getting why you won’t just tell him. He wants you to. He can’t really explain why. It doesn’t have to do with wanting to get some satisfaction out of helping you or changing you, but rather, sometimes he feels like he knows nothing about you. You’re important to him, more than you could possibly understand, but still, sometimes, you seem so distant; like a stranger. He just wants to know that you trust him.
“So, just because love hasn’t exactly worked out in your life, you think love is stupid? I don’t really think that’s fair…just because your ex boyfriends were assholes doesn’t mean that true love doesn’t exist.”
For some reason, him talking about true love pisses you off. It pisses you off greatly. You can feel your skin crawl and anger boiling up inside you, so you take a drag from your cigarette, blowing out the smoke, wishing it was something else you were getting rid of.
“It’s not about them.” you take another drag, “Do you love Yujin?”
You think you know the answer already. No, you know the answer indefinitely. There is only one answer. Why would he have spent the past three–almost four years–dating her if he didn’t? You think about all the times he talked about her when they first started dating. You try not to, but your mind recalls all the details, how he said them, what he said, how he looked while he was talking. It made you sick.
His heart sinks a little when you ask the question. He stares at you for a moment, not responding to your question right away. He takes a long deep breath before he answers, “Yes.” You sit silent. You heard his answer, but you don’t want to acknowledge it. You take another drag from your cigarette, a longer one this time, blowing out the smoke slowly as you tap some of the tobacco from the butt of it off. “Do you…not believe me?” he asks, watching you. He can tell something is on your mind, you’re just having trouble saying it. He’s not asking to be snarky or anything, he asks in more of a gentle tone, just wanting you to open up or at least just say something remotely close to how you feel.
“No, I do.” you answer quietly. For some reason, it hurts to say that. It’s true, though; you do believe him…unfortunately.
Silence consumes the both of you, just sitting on the curb as time passes. Crickets chip softly in the distance and the subtle burn of the tobacco from your cigarette fills it a bit, but not enough. He stares at you, both annoyed and concerned.
“Then what is it? Are you trying to say there’s something wrong with my relationship?” he asks, suddenly defensive. Even he, himself, doesn’t know why he’s suddenly so defensive about it, especially since he brought up the issue earlier, but he doesn’t like thinking that you think there is something wrong.
“Jesus, it’s not like that.” you respond, knowing full and well it is like that.
“Then spit it out; what are you trying to say?”
“Shut up.”
You take another drag and he rolls his eyes, annoyed. “You know, you’re so annoying sometimes.”
“So are you.”
“Yeah, I know, but you’re worse.”
You take another drag, genuinely wanting him to shut up, or for things to be normal. Or better yet, for things not to be complicated. “Go cry about it to your girlfriend.”
“Screw you.”
“Ditto.”
“Whatever.” he says, pissed off.
“Yeah, whatever.” you mumble as you take another drag.
He continues to look at you, pissed off at how you don’t seem to care about anything. He used to like that a lot about you, how you never cared about what people thought and are able to brush anything off. Maybe “used to” is a bit strong, he still likes that about you, but for right now, it’s incredibly infuriating.
“You know, I’ve noticed that you always avoid giving direct answers to questions. Maybe that’s why you’re so scared of commitment; Not willing to really speak your mind out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings or your own.” he says, hoping this would piss you off enough to just say how you feel.
You roll your eyes, “Shut up.” you say as you continue smoking your cigarette.
“No, I won't shut up. In fact, I'm gonna keep talking because this is one of the rare occasions where we’re actually having a serious conversation and not just talking about petty stuff.”
You roll your eyes again. “I don’t want to.” you reply, simply.
“Too bad. because I am really curious about it. So, I’m just gonna keep asking questions. Like, have you ever experienced real heartbreak before? Because you seem like the type that just throws people away and moves on with no remorse.” You become quiet. Sure, you weren’t answering before, well, barely, anyway. But this time, you feel like you’re shrinking. That type of quiet. The type of quiet you become when you feel like you got caught and you don’t want to admit to what you did. You just smoke your cigarette. “And you don’t just avoid answering questions about your romantic life, either. You do the same thing when it comes to family, friends, and anyone else. You just push people away and never actually let anyone get to know the real you.”
“You know the real me.” you say, looking at him. In all honesty, you were insulted. He was seriously telling you that he “doesn’t know the real you” after you guys have been friends since you were two years old? What does that say about your friendship?
“No, I really don’t. All I know about you is the surface layer stuff that you’re willing to share, but I don't actually know you. No one does. Because you never let anyone get close enough.” he says as he looks you directly in the eyes, meaning every word he says. Well, maybe not every word, but it is how he feels. He doesn’t want you to get frustrated, but if that’s what it takes for you to finally say how you feel, then so be it. You do feel yourself getting frustrated and you look away, taking another drag. “And don’t deny it, ‘cause you know it’s true. You just push people away and never let yourself be vulnerable, ‘cause if you did, then they could use that vulnerability against you. And god forbid anybody ever find out about your deepest insecurities-”
“Shut the fuck up.” you say, feeling anger seethe out of you. He sits there, somewhat stunned by your response. Not exactly that you became angry, but more so that he actually got a reaction out of you. He watches you as you put your cigarette out and stand up. “I’m going back to my room.” you mutter.
He stands up. “Seriously?” he says as he sees you start to walk away. He scoffs. “You’re just going to leave? Like that? Whatever.” he mumbles as he grabs the pack of cigarettes you put back into the bag (the pack he specifically bought for you and always buys whenever you guys hang out like this). He opens it and grabs one, lighting it as he sees you turn around. You walk back over to him and snatch the pack of cigarettes from his hand. “The hell?” he asks, annoyed, as he tries to grab it back.
You hold it out of his reach. “You don’t even like red Marlboros.” you say, almost tempted to take the one out of his mouth, too just to spite him.
“Give it back.” he says sternly as he takes a small drag from the one in his mouth, holding it between his fingers as he glares at you.
“No.”
“It’s my pack of cigarettes.”
“That you bought for me.”
“And I want it back.”
“Well, tough shit, I’m not giving it back.”
“Give it.” he says as he holds out his hand. You ignore him and turn around, starting to walk away. He takes another drag, grimacing because you’re right, he doesn’t like this brand, but he’s only doing this to spite you. He gets even more pissed off just seeing you walk away. “Why are you always such a pain in the ass?”
“Could ask you the same thing.” you yell back.
He quickly puts out the cigarette and puts the bottles into the bag before catching up to you. “I'm not the one who’s always being super mean and acting all mysterious about everything. Like, what’s with all the attitude and snarky comments? You’ve been extra shitty lately.”
“Fuck you.”
He scoffs, “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You know, you’re being shitty, you just don’t wanna admit it.”
You stop walking and turn to look at him, throwing the pack at him. “Then go away.”
He grits his teeth and grabs the pack from the ground. He looks at you, “Whatever. I'm leaving. But just know, one of these days, you’re going to actually push someone away for good.”
“Hopefully it’s you.” you say as you cross your arms.
“Yeah, me too. Because I am so fed up with your bullshit.”
“Great. Go away.”
He rolls his eyes and walks past you, his arm bumping into yours purposefully as he heads back to his dorm.
-
As Sunghoon makes his way to his lecture, he sees Yujin in the distance talking to some of her friends. He thinks about your conversation last night. He had hopes of confiding in you a bit more about how he felt, but of course that’s not the way things panned out. He had no time to focus on that, even if he was feeling even worse now that he possibly lost his best friend for good. Shit…did he really lose you for good? He feels his blood run cold, but he’s trying to forget it and focus on her. She’s his girlfriend, he has to remember that. He walks up to her, smiling a bit. She looks at him.
“Oh…hey.” she says softly.
“Hey…can we talk for a minute?” She nods her head and stands still. Sunghoon glances at her friends and then looks back at her. “...in private?” Yujin glances at her friends before following Sunghoon over into the library, taking a seat at a table near one of the back bookshelves, a little bit of space between the two of them. “Is there a reason you’ve been acting like this lately? Do you not…want to be with me anymore?” Sunghoon asks, just getting straight to the point.
Yujin is quiet for a moment. “Everything is fine.” she says.
He crosses his arms, feeling himself getting frustrated. Why can’t people just be direct like you? Yeah, you’re not really direct with your feelings, but you are when it comes to anything else. “Are you sure? Because you've been really distant. We haven't been talking as often, you barely want to spend time with me... and it feels like you're avoiding being intimate with me, too. I had to almost beg you to spend time with me last week. Is there really nothing? Are you sure everything is fine?” Yujin listens and stays quiet. Sunghoon sighs. "You know, couples are supposed to communicate and shit, right? If something is bothering you, just come out and say it." Sure, he took a page from your book with what you said last night and perhaps some of what you said rang true after all, but he’s not really looking to give you a “you were right” moment at this time.
“You being friends with her bothers me.” Yujin says as she crosses her arms.
Sunghoon freezes for a moment, taken aback by her response. “...are you being serious?” he asks, not totally sure if she’s just messing with him.
“You hang out with her more than me to the point that I had to ask you to stop texting her whenever we would hang out and you always say you’re “just best friends”, but I don’t believe you. Do you have feelings for her?”
“Do YOU think I have feelings for her?” Sunghoon asks, becoming defensive while also avoiding answering her question directly.
“Yes.” she answers, simply.
“What, do you think I’ll dump you for her or something?”
"She's a slut. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. I don't care if you guys are close, I'm worried she is going to make a move on you and then you break up with me just for her to use you once and then ruin you; She's bad news." Yujin says.
He feels his jaw drop a bit at what she says. Did she seriously just say that? And so boldly? He feels himself become upset about the way she talks about you. He wants to defend you, he always has, but he frowns. What if this leads to Yujin breaking up with him? You did say last night that you two were done with each other, so why does it matter? He doesn’t agree with Yujin, but he wants to save this relationship…
“You really think I'm that naive? That I'd fall for a girl like her? Just because we’re close friends doesn’t mean I automatically get feelings for her and forget about you. You know I'm smart enough to not get mixed up with someone like her.” he says, feeling like his heart is breaking as he says it. He wants Yujin to feel reassured, but after saying this…it doesn’t feel worth it.
“So you agree.” Yujin says.
Sunghoon sits there, feeling like he’s about to throw up. Why is this so hard? Why can’t he just say ‘yes’ and move on? Why can’t he be happy with Yujin? He just nods his head. “I wouldn’t fall for someone like her.” he says extremely quietly, almost as if he never wanted those words to leave his mouth. But they did and it was too late.
Yujin smiles, satisfied by his answer. She leans in and kisses his lips quickly, “I believe you.” she says softly.
Sunghoon hesitates, not glad that she believes him. Not glad that she said those things about you. Not glad that he said those things about you. He’s just not happy. He gives her a small smile and kisses her cheek quickly. “I’m glad.”
-
You are sitting on a bench, scrolling through your phone as you wait for your next lecture to start soon. Sunghoon sees you as he exits his lecture hall and his gaze lingers on you for a moment. He sighs to himself a bit, feeling like he was being pulled in two different directions. The more he thinks about it, he feels as though Yujin was giving him an ultimatum to choose you or her. If she said it outright, there isn’t a cell in his body that would hesitate to choose you. He thinks back to his conversation with Yujin in the library and he feels sick; he knows he did something wrong.
He walks over to you and takes a seat next to you, just wanting to make up and move on. To his surprise, however, you get up immediately and take your bag before walking away. He sits there, confused, but figures you’re still upset about the argument last night. He gets up and he follows you before catching up and gently grabbing your arm, but you end up taking it away and start walking again. He bites the inside of his cheek before stepping in front of you, “Why are you walking away from me?”
“Get away from me.”
“No.” he said as quickly as the words left your mouth.
You look at him, feeling your eyes sting, hot tears wanting to form, but you blink them away. “You should probably go find your girlfriend, you wouldn’t want to be seen hanging out with a slut like me, right?” you ask rhetorically.
“Hey-,” he cuts you off, frowning instantly when you call yourself that. “Stop it…you know I don’t see you that way.”
“That’s a fucking lie; I heard you talking to Yujin. Or are you surprised about that too since you were in the library and someone like me couldn’t possibly be in a place like that.” you say as you cross your arms, swallowing as if that will help mask your clear frustration.
“...what?” he asks quietly, freezing as he realizes what you’re saying.
“I heard you. I heard you agree with her when she called me a slut. I heard you say you "would never be stupid to fall for someone like me". Well, fuck you. Go be with your perfect girlfriend, asshole.” you say before you push past him, swallowing again, but this time to stop yourself from crying.
“Wait-” he tries to grab your arm again, but you pull it away and keep walking. He feels his heart sink as he watches you walk away. The world felt as if it just collapsed. He feels like he’s sinking and as he watches you become further from him, he feels like he’s lost everything. He’s holding his breath, not necessarily realizing he is, almost as if he exhales, he’s not sure he has the strength to take another breath knowing he’s hurt you; he doesn’t deserve to.
-
Everything moves in slow motion, all voices muffled, as Sunghoon feels himself being dragged inside of a party by Yujin. He can hear and see her laughing and talking with her friends as they walk inside the loud and crowded atmosphere, but he feels as if he’s hollow. He stands there like a zombie as Yujin talks and greets some of her friends. He’s not sure how it happened, especially since it was almost midnight and he honestly just wanted to go to sleep, but he somehow ended up here. His eyes felt heavy as they looked around the room, but he subconsciously stood up straighter when his eyes landed on you. It was like he had been resuscitated, his heart beating rapidly as he sees you and then he sees him.
Sunghoon rolls his eyes, noticing how Sungchan was standing closely to you, how his eyes scanned every inch of your body with some stupid, smug smirk on his face. Sunghoon rolled his eyes again and grimaced at the sight. He sees how you whisper something into his ear, Sungchan grinning as he places his hand on your hip. Suddenly, Sunghoon’s heart stopped again as his gaze fixates on his hand. His hand grips Yujin’s tightly as he clenches his jaw and his other hand curls into a fist, his fingernails digging into the palm of his hand. His breathing becomes heavy as he sees you smile, smile in a way he’s never had you smile at him before as your hand caresses Sungchan’s cheek while you clearly flirt back with him. Sunghoon was livid. He feels like an extra in his own life as he watches you fall for someone like that.
“Baby…?” Yujin asks, loosening her hand and taking it away from him since he was practically cutting off her circulation.
“I’m fine.” he mumbles, hints of anger and annoyance clear in his tone. He doesn’t look at her as he answers and she catches on.
She looks to where his gaze is and then she looks back at him, upset. “Why are you looking at her?” she asks as she crosses her arms. “You told me you don’t have feelings for her. I’m your girlfriend, not her.”
“Stop, Yujin, it’s not like that…” he mumbles, annoyed as he keeps looking at you and Sungchan. He watches as Sungchan puts his arm around your waist and he feels like the air has just been knocked out of him. His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he glares at the two of you, wanting nothing more than to shove him off of you.
Yujin scoffs, “I don’t even see how you could have feelings for a slut like her.” she mumbles, taking a sip of a drink her friend brought for her. Sunghoon keeps his attention on you. How Sungchan keeps you close, whispers in your ear to make you giggle and you indulge in it, how he touches you, and how he looks at you as if he’s some sick animal that wants to devour you. “Did you even hear me?” Yujin asks, pissed off.
“Yeah, I heard you.” Sunghoon mumbles as he continues watching the two of you.
Yujin glares at him and then grabs his hand, dragging him away from her friends. Sunghoon just goes along with it and as Yujin starts dragging him upstairs, Sungchan leas in and kisses you. Sunghoon’s eyes widen as he continues going upstairs with Yujin, her dragging him into an empty bedroom and closes the door behind them. Sunghoon feels like all thoughts had escaped him when he saw that and he stands there with only one thing on his mind: you.
“Let’s have sex.” Yujin says as she looks at him.
Sunghoon snaps out of it and looks at her, feeling like this is his first time seeing her tonight. He looks at her in confusion, not wanting to since he only has you on his mind, but he doesn’t want to upset her any further, so he nods his head. Yujin pulls him towards her and kisses him. He hesitates, feeling himself grimace, but he tries to ignore it and kiss her back. He doesn’t want to be up here with her, he wants to be down there with you. As they continue to kiss, Yujin begins to undress herself and Sunghoon feels himself tense up. He tries to forget about you and focus on her, thinking maybe helping her undress would help, but it doesn’t. Not even a little bit.
Yujin moves them over to the bed as she keeps kissing him and he sits there, partially kissing her back and also sitting stiff as a board. He knows this is supposed to be hot for him, having a practically naked girl on him, but he only finds himself wishing it was you. Yujin kisses down his neck as she takes off his shirt and he feels like he’s zoning out, not moving a muscle. Yujin moves her hands along his chest and down his body and then stops kissing him as she looks at him.
“You’re not even hard.” she says as she frowns. Sunghoon just stares at her, not necessarily surprised, but he still feels bad. "What the hell do you even like about her? She's a fucking whore who opens her legs for any and every guy. She has nothing else to offer besides her fucking pussy, which probably is already stretched beyond repair." Yujin says, angry. "She's nothing! She's not even special and yet she always gets any guy she wants. Well, why does she get you too?" Yujin tears up. "I'M your girlfriend, not her! Do you even love me?" Yujin asks, frustrated.
Sunghoon knows her anger is justified and he feels awful for feeling like he wants her to be you instead. As he watches and hears her say all of these things, he feels bad for treating her like this, but he also becomes angry at listening to what she’s saying about you. He feels bad for saying it feels like he doesn’t know you, because he does, and he knows you’re nothing like who she says you are.
“Answer me!” Yujin yells.
“I do love you.” Sunghoon says quickly.
“...do you love her?”
He stays quiet. Does he love you? He doesn’t know how to answer that. He knows he cares about you more than anyone else, he knows that even when you two fight, he would never want anyone else but you to be by his side, he knows that you’re the only one who gets him, he knows he likes making you smile and laugh and sometimes when you look at him, he feels like he can just look back at you forever. But is that love? Then, what is it he feels for Yujin? Does he love you and not her? How come he never realized it before? Did he always feel this way?
"Why the hell did you even ask me out? Why did you even ask me to be your girlfriend if all this time, you've wanted her? If all this time you've been in love with her?" Yujin asks, furious.
What is he supposed to say? Has he always been in love with you? He thinks for a moment. He thinks about why he asked her out in the first place, about a week after you hooked up with some guy after you two just started college. Was that the reason? Was it because he just wanted something and he knows deep down, you don’t want the same, so he found it somewhere else? You…everything has always been about you, his whole world has always revolved around you.
Yujin gets up and gets dressed. "If you want to be with her so badly, fine. But just know, she's still a whore. She'll just use you and then toss you aside." Yujin says as she finishes getting dressed. "But by all means, go sleep with that slut. We're done." Yujin says as she leaves the room.
Sunghoon sits on the bed in silence. Just great. Now, he doesn’t have a girlfriend and worst of all, he still can’t have you. He sits there for a moment longer before getting up and putting back on his shirt. Screw this party, he shouldn’t have come anyway. He walks out of the bedroom and goes downstairs, feeling like his mind is in a different place as he walks outside. He stops and notices you sitting on the curb, smoking a cigarette. He feels relieved, not seeing you in Sungchan’s arms, and for a split second, he wishes he could just walk over and take you into his, but he pushes that thought away and just decides to take a seat beside you on the curb instead. You scoot away a bit from him, silence looming over the two of you and he feels even worse.
“You shouldn’t be sitting here, you know. Your girlfriend might get pissy.” you mumble as you exhale some smoke.
“I’m not with Yujin anymore.”
You pause for a moment, “...I saw you two go upstairs.”
“She just…got upset that I couldn’t get hard. I just had so many thoughts running through my mind…” he trails off, not wanting to ramble on about it.
“Whatever.” you say as you take another drag.
“I wish I never asked her out.” he says before taking a deep breath, feeling like he said something he didn’t even realize he was keeping a secret, not even from himself.
“Why are you telling me this? In case you forgot, I am not your friend anymore. Not after what you and her said about me this morning.” You take another drag, “It's one thing for her to call me a slut, I don't care about her, but you? You agreed with her. You made fun of me. You're supposed to be my best friend and you say I'm a slut and then that you aren't "stupid" enough to date "someone like me"? Fuck you, honestly. I was so pissed when I heard that. I know we fought the other night, but I never thought you would say that shit about me.” You take another drag. “So stop talking to me about your problems like we're still friends. You want nothing to do with "someone like me"? Well, then, you got it.”
Sunghoon stays silent, feeling as if everything around him is crumbling. You’re sitting maybe a foot away from him, but he feels like you’re on the other side of the planet. “I’m sorry.” he says softly, feeling ashamed to have talked about you like that.
You shake your head and continue smoking. “Whatever.”
“I miss you.” he says suddenly. “And, I shouldn’t have said any of that this morning. I was trying to reassure Yujin at your expense and…that was a big fuck up by me. None of what I said was worth any pain I’ve caused you.”
“Well, I don’t miss you. I don’t even care.”
Sunghoon stays quiet for a moment. “I have to fix this. Not because I feel like it will make me feel better to know I said sorry, because that doesn’t fix anything; that doesn’t make you feel better. I want to fix this because, even if you don’t believe me, I value our friendship more than anything in the world.”
You scoff and don’t reply, blinking away your tears as you continue smoking. “I don’t need you. Think what you want about me, I don’t give a fuck.”
“Hey…” he says tentatively as he notices you blinking away tears. He feels like he got punched in the gut and hates himself for knowing he’s the one that caused you to feel this way. “I know I hurt you…a lot.” he admits. He doesn’t know if you would want to listen to anything else he has to say, but he wants nothing more than for everything to go back to normal. To have you back. To just have you look at him. Anything.
You scoff, “You? As if.” you say as you put out your cigarette. “Don’t flatter yourself. Like I care about your opinion.” you say as you stand up. “I don’t need your pity and I don’t need your friendship. I don’t need you.” you say as you walk away and back into the party.
He doesn’t hesitate to follow you, not wanting to let you go. He can’t. He can’t bear the thought of you actually not being a part of his life, not for one goddamn second. He tries to catch up to you, but he stops in his tracks when he sees you go back over to Sungchan. It feels as though time has stopped and he was cursed with having to watch you be with him for the rest of his life. You whisper something to Sungchan, prompting him to grin and put his hands on your waist. Sunghoon feels like he’s about to collapse as he watches Sungchan whisper something back to you before taking your hand and leading you upstairs. He wants to do something, take you away from him, tell you that you mean so much more and are so much more than whatever Sungchan thinks about you. How you mean everything to him and watching you walk upstairs with some other guy feels as though you are taking away every piece of Sunghoon, breaking him apart. But he doesn’t and an hour passes before you walk back downstairs with Sungchan, his arm around your waist.
Sungchan whispers something in your ear before letting you go and walking over to his friends, all of them laughing and teasing him. You just walk back out of the party, feeling sick to your stomach; as if you just made the biggest mistake of your life; shame. As you walk down the sidewalk, the night suddenly feels much colder than before. You take out your cigarettes and start smoking another one. Sunghoon follows and catches up, “Can I have one?” he asks, not knowing what else to say, but wanting to say something. You stay quiet, but eventually extend the one you were smoking to him. You stop walking as he takes it, taking a drag as he stands beside you.
You hold out your hand, wanting it back and after he takes another inhale from it, he exchanges it back. You take another drag, staying quiet, as you extend it back to him. He takes it as you two share the cigarette and he hands it back to you, almost wanting to just hold your hand instead. You take a long drag, holding the smoke for a while before slowly exhaling. “...you were right.” you say quietly as you hold the cigarette out for him. “It is lonely.”
He takes the cigarette, feeling hopeful that this is the beginning of an honest conversation, and relieved that you’re opening up. He hands it back to you, “Are you lonely? Do you miss having a relationship?” he asks, softly, wanting to make sure he’s being cautious so he doesn’t hurt you again.
“Not the ones I used to be in, no. Those guys were…well, you know.”
“Yeah…” he mumbles. You sigh and take a seat on the curb. He follows suit, seeing if you’ll say something else, but deciding to break the silence. “So…what kind of guy do you want?” he asks, deep down hoping for a certain answer.
You don’t answer him and instead, ignore his question. In all honesty, you don’t know. Well, you do, but you’re too scared to admit it. “You were also right about me being a slut.”
“I-I didn’t mean it-”
“You know it, everybody else knows it…and I always knew it.” You take your cigarette back and take a drag. “Hearing you say it sucked, though, but I know it’s the truth.”
“I shouldn’t have said it. I was so caught up in trying to make Yujin feel better and fix things between us when it wasn’t worth it. Not when it came at your expense.”
“I know.”
“I should’ve still stuck up for you. It didn’t matter if she was my girlfriend, you don’t deserve to be talked about like that.”
You shrug and hand him the cigarette, lighting a new one for yourself to smoke. “I don’t care anymore. Hooking up with Sungchan just now made me realize it. Seeing and hearing his friends tease him for it…” you take a long drag, “I knew that’s what I am.”
He does the same and looks at you. “Did you want to hook up with him?”
“No.”
“Then, why did you do it?” You ignore his question and keep smoking. “Hey…” he says softly. He knows you’re avoiding his question, but he wants to hear what you have to say.
“What happened with you and Yujin tonight?” you ask, wanting to change the subject.
“Just…an argument.”
“About…?”
“That’s not important.”
“You wanted to tell me all about it earlier. You said something about you not getting hard and regretting asking her out. What the hell happened? I thought you loved her or whatever.” you mumble as you inhale more smoke, a part of you hoping it chokes you.
“I do love her. But I guess…it meant something different to her. She wanted things from me I couldn’t do.”
“Like what.”
“Like…her not wanting us to be friends anymore.”
You scoff before continuing to smoke. “You should’ve chosen her.”
Sunghoon raises an eyebrow as he takes a drag. “You think I shouldn't have chosen my friend who's been with me through thick and thin over someone who was basically controlling who I talked to?”
“She was just controlling that you don't talk to me. Can't blame her, she probably thought I would try to sleep with you or something. Besides, since when did us being friends for so long suddenly matter? It didn't when you agreed with her about me being a slut.”
“It matters to me.” He says, feeling his heart sink a little at your words. It seemed like you didn’t think your friendship meant anything. He takes another drag and sighs quietly before continuing. “You’re my best friend. I care about you more than anyone else.” You stay silent as you continue to smoke. “Do you really think I don’t care about you?” he asks, softly. You just keep smoking, not really sure how to answer. He sighs to himself as he does the same and his mind wanders to thinking about you and Sungchan again. He rolls his eyes to himself as he tries to push those thoughts out of his head.
“You asked me if I ever felt heartbreak when we fought that night, talking about if that’s why I have commitment issues or whatever.” you say as you take another drag. “Yeah…I have.”
“Was the heartbreak from…” he let’s the question linger in the air for a moment, “a relationship?” You shake your head. “So…what was it from then? Who broke your heart?”
You stay silent for a moment, just smoking “...i didn't realize I fell in love with him until he got a girlfriend, well, his first serious girlfriend. At first, I didn't really care, but then…” you go quiet for a moment as you keep looking ahead, not at him. “The way he talked about her, would smile a certain way when he was with her, like he's never smiled at me before...laughing at jokes they shared...seeing him kiss her, hold her hand…” you take another drag, “holding her hand..” you repeat, like you’re lost in thought. “It's something so stupid and simple, but I've never had a guy hold my hand romantically...but he held hers and I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't do a damn thing but suddenly wish I was his girlfriend instead. And then I realized. I loved him.” you take another drag, “I loved him and he was in love with someone else.”
He stayed quiet the whole time you talked. He took in every single word. He took in how you said every single word, how you looked as you spoke. He felt his heart break for you. The way you talked about it was nothing like he’s ever heard you talk about; so…innocent. “Did you ever try to tell him how you felt?”
You stay quiet for a moment as you swallow. “I almost did. One time. I just felt so tired from pretending and I didn't want to just hookup with anyone anymore. I wanted to be his more than anything in the world. I almost told him and then…” you take another drag from your cigarette. “He started telling me about how he finally had sex with his girlfriend. How hot she is. How he had never seen anyone so beautiful. How he couldn't believe he was so lucky to be dating her. Fuck-” you pinch your thigh to stop yourself from crying as you take another drag. “I felt so...gross. I had never had a guy say that about me, never had a guy be proud to be with me, but the way he talked about her and everything he was saying...I knew he would laugh in my face if I, just some slut, was in love with him; he would feel grossed out or whatever. No matter how close I thought we were, I knew right then and there I would never be like her. Never like the girl he wanted.” you take another drag, “So I didn't say anything.”
Sunghoon stayed quiet again, feeling awful. He hated that you thought about yourself that way. He hated that other people had made you feel that…him included. He hated this guy, especially, for making you feel this way. What a piece of shit. You deserve nothing but the best and this guy pulls this bullshit with you? He was about ready to punch him in the face. “And you’re still friends with him? After he did all of this to you?”
“He’s all I’ve ever had.”
“He’s not all you have, though. What about me?” he asks, intending to make something positive out of this all. He just wants you to know how precious you are to him because he cares about you so much.
This, doesn’t help whatsoever, and you feel like you’re about to burst into tears. You can’t tell if he’s the idiot or if you are; maybe the latter. But when he says that, you just feel like sobbing, curling up into a ball, and dying right then and there. You pinch your thigh again, to prevent yourself from crying because you absolutely loathe it.
He notices and immediately puts his hand on yours to stop you. He hates seeing you like this and he looks at you, not wanting you to suppress this anymore.
His hand on yours, however, makes you feel even worse. Worse because it makes your stomach do flips and you can feel your heart beat faster. Worse because you know it only carries the connotation of a friend comforting a friend…nothing more. You pull your hand away and continue smoking.
He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t try to take your hand back. It hurts him to see you pull yourself away. He just wants to make you feel better, feel safe, feel loved. Feel nothing but happiness because that’s all you deserve. But you don’t. He wants to give you everything, and so, he tries again to comfort you. He reaches for your hand, gently taking it into his, it enveloping yours as he holds it as if it is the most delicate thing on earth.
“Don’t.” you whisper, taking your hand away.
You didn’t want to. God, you didn’t want to. His hand felt like silk against yours, but you felt like you didn’t deserve it. Compared to his, your hand was like felt, worth far less than his. You didn’t want him to hold your hand, not like this. You wanted it to mean something, have some sort of value. Not for comfort. Not because he’s your best friend. Not because he felt bad. But because he loved you. Because he wanted to hold your hand and be proud as he held it. Because he wanted to claim you as is. Because you wanted to be his.
He lets go of your hand and stays silent for a moment. It was as if a part of him died inside as you pulled away your hand. All the thoughts that he was having a few seconds ago were replaced by sadness. His hands tightened into fists from the frustration of being unable to comfort you or take away your sadness. He wanted so desperately to try again, but he knew that there was nothing he could do right now. Slowly, he takes another drag of his cigarette, and you do the same with yours.
“Did you cry whenever he would talk about his girlfriend like that? Did you cry anytime he complimented her?”
You don’t answer for a while. “Yeah. When he told me he loved her, I cried later. After that, I pretended like I didn't care. And for a while, it worked. I would just hook up with guys and I would still talk and hang out with him because he didn't treat me like what everyone else saw me as. He never did. And that's one of the reasons I fell in love with him, I guess, but then sometimes...he would start talking about her and then I just...felt worse. At some point, I just kind of felt numb about it, especially after he told me about the first time they had sex. He talked about it like it was so special...like she was so special...and I just decided then and there I couldn't love him. So, I just pretended and after a while, I thought I didn't love him anymore, but one night, he started talking about how he couldn't lose his girlfriend, how he wanted to make things with her work and I felt that same feeling again, like I was going to be sick. Then, I heard him say what he really thought about me and that was the last time I cried about him.”
“What did he say about you? Did he insult you?” he asks as he feels himself becoming angry, wondering what this jerk could’ve possibly said about you to make you feel this way. But, you don’t answer, you just remain quiet and that made him want to punch this guy even more. “Do you miss him?” he asks, quietly.
“...i miss being oblivious to the fact that I love him.”
He feels his heart drop when you say that. You still love him? He swallows, feeling like he’s choking and as if all of the oxygen has been sucked out of the atmosphere. “So…you do love him. You’re still in love with him?” Once you ignore him again, the answer is clear. “You do still love him…” he mumbles. Anger courses through his veins because you’re in love with someone so fucking awful. How could you give all of yourself to someone who is too blind to see how much you’re worth? How much you mean and value you provide to meaning of life it’s goddamn self? He watches as you continue smoking. “So, you mean to tell me, after everything he’s done to you, you still love him?”
“He doesn’t know.”
“He doesn’t know you’re in love with him?”
“I told you, I never told him.”
This doesn’t help him feel any less bad for you. Some douche was out and about being happy and in love while you suffer on the sidelines? “Are you ever going to tell him?”
You shake your head as you look down. How could you? Especially since you’re delivering this whole pathetic monologue and he still isn’t taking any goddamn hint.
“Is it because he’s still with his girlfriend?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” you say as you finish your cigarette.
He becomes frustrated, “Is he?”
“No.”
“So, they broke up.” You ignore his question once more. He waits a few seconds before speaking up again, “I’m taking that as a ‘yes’ then.”
“Why does it matter? Why do you care?”
“Why do I care?” he asks as if this question has the most obvious answer. He scoffs and takes another drag out of frustration. “Because I’m your best friend, dumbass.”
This only makes you frown as you pinch your thigh again to stop the tears threatening to fall. He frowns as well when he sees this and reaches his hand over again. “Stop.” he says as he grabs your hand. You look down at your hands and you take yours away again. He feels a lump form in his throat when you pull your hand away as a pit of sadness just keeps growing and growing in his stomach. “Why are you doing that? …do you honestly think I don’t care about you?” You just keep staring ahead of you, not looking at him once. He takes another drag and sighs. “Have I ever given you a reason for you to think that I don’t care? Have I hurt you like that guy did?”
His questions make you stay silent for a long time. You wish that you could just disappear. Or that you could go back in time and stop yourself from having these stupid feelings. Or…that you never met him in the first place. Maybe then things would be easier. Better.
“Just…answer me.” he says, pleading, almost. He wants you to understand that he is here for you, he always will be and nothing is going to get in the way of that anymore. He wants this to be clear, so he tries to hold your hand again to show his support, but you take it away once he does.
“Are you pretending or are you actually this clueless?” you ask, becoming frustrated, your voice having a hint of pain in it.
His stomach tightened when you rejected him once more. He doesn’t look at you, suddenly afraid to see your expression. He doesn’t know what to do, how to make you feel better. He stays silent for a moment and continues smoking. “Pretending about what?” he asks. You become increasingly frustrated and pinch your thigh again. He notices and grabs your hand again, “Stop.” he says sternly, but you pull your hand away.
“Jesus, you’re the guy.”
He feels himself freeze. “What the hell do you mean ‘I’m the guy’?”
“Are you dense?” you raise an eyebrow. “You’re the guy I’ve been talking about this whole damn time!”
“...i’m the guy?” he asks, completely stunned. You let out a huff of frustration and stand up, walking away. He doesn’t hesitate to stand up and go after you. He grabs your arm to stop you. “Wait, you can’t just leave…”
You keep pinching your thigh, a part of you believing it will wake you up from this nightmare as you avoid his gaze. You take your arm away from his grip. “Just forget it.”
“No. You just said I’m the guy, right? The one you’re in love with?” He asks, all of his focus on you. You ignore his question and turn around, walking away. He groans and he moves in front of you, stopping you. “You love me?” But you just avoid his gaze and don’t answer his question. He sighs, “I’m not letting you leave until you tell me.”
“No.”
He frowns. “Look at me.” he whispers. “Please…” he moves closer to you. “Do you love me?”
“Why does it matter?”
“You tell me. Why doesn’t it matter?”
You punch your thigh harshly a few times as you finally look at him. Your breath hitches as tears well in your eyes, despite you trying to ignore them. “Because I’m just a slut.”
He grabs your hand and stops you. He feels panicked, not knowing what to do or say. He doesn’t want you to cry or punish yourself. “Stop it. Stop with that bullshit. You’re not a slut, don’t you dare ever call yourself that.”
“You said it yourself. You agree with everyone else. I know you don't feel the same. I know you'll never talk about me the way you talk about Yujin or see me the way you see her. I know you said you guys broke up, but so what? I know what I am and I know that's all I'll ever be.”
He feels tears prick his own eyes as he listens to you. He shakes his head, “Stop that. Stop saying that I’ll never feel the same. Stop saying that you’re just a slut.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter! It matters to me. You’re not just “some slut”. You’re my best friend.”
You frown as you feel the urge to cry become stronger. You take your hand away and you pinch your thigh again, just wanting the tears to go away. What he said made you feel awful. It’s not what you wanted to hear. You didn’t want to be just that…and he just kept reminding you that that’s all you are. “...do you honestly think that makes me feel better?”
He frowns, “Fine. Maybe it doesn’t make you feel better. But it should. Because it’s the fucking truth.”
“Are you even thinking about what I told you? Are you even thinking about how you're the guy I've been talking about? How every time you talked about Yujin, every time I saw you hold her hand, how you talked about her when you told me about the first time you guys had sex, that I just wanted to curl up and die? You don't get it. You calling me your best friend doesn't make me feel any fucking better. It makes me feel worse than when people call me a slut. But I don't want you to stand here and try to make me feel better, because if you think telling me you care about me because I'm your 'best friend' is going to make me feel better, then you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said.”
He stares at you sympathetically. He stares at you as he realizes just how badly he’s broken your heart. As he realizes he broke your heart.
“I don't want to be your best friend. I don't want you to tell me I'm your best friend.” You keep pinching your thigh harder, but tears roll down your cheeks anyway. “I wanted it to be me.” you say as you cry even though you keep pinching harder. “I wanted to hold your hand romantically. I wanted you to smile at me the way you did with her. I wanted you to talk about me the way you talked about her.” Your breath hitches as you cry and pinch your thigh harder, your nails digging into your skin. “I wanted to be special to you. I wanted you to tell me you love me. I wanted to be your girlfriend...more than anything in the world.” You cry harder even though you try not to and you dig your nails more into your thigh.
He’s never seen you cry. Not when you broke your arm, not when your pet goldfish died, not when your first boyfriend broke up with you, not even when you get incredibly frustrated. He has never seen you cry. But he hates it. He doesn’t want to see you so sad, so hurt, in so much pain…and he hated it even more because he–the one person you loved more than anything else–was the one who was making you feel this way. He pulls you into him, hugging you tightly, just wanting to take your pain away, just wanting you to…feel loved. But you push him away and wipe your tears, and he notices the imprints from your nails on your thighs. He doesn’t even realize it, but he reaches his hand out and gently touches the marks as he looks at them. He touches the ridges softly and your skin feels so smooth to him, so precious, but you push his hand away. His eyes travel up to meet yours and he sees you’ve stopped crying.
“Why wouldn’t you just have told me how you felt?” he asks, quietly.
“For starters, you had a girlfriend. The other reason: it doesn’t matter.”
“What if I never got with Yujin? What if I was single the whole time?”
“I didn’t realize I loved you until you started dating her…”
“Why her? I’ve dated other girls before, so why her?”
You shrug, “She’s the only one you really seemed to be serious about…the only one you told you loved. Besides…I’m not some sort of homewrecker.”
“I wish you told me.” he whispers. “You were never going to tell me?”
“No.”
“So, you were just hoping I would never find out?”
“Yes.”
“So, you were just going to keep that secret for the rest of your life?”
“Yeah.”
“So, you were just going to live with that pain forever?”
“Are you going to keep asking the same question?”
“I just want to know…” he says as if he’s desperate. “Why…why would you not tell me?”
“Because you were with Yujin! Because you kept telling me how much you loved her! How pretty you thought she was, how happy you were to be with her, how smart and kind and funny and fucking perfect you thought she was! You were happy. You were happy with someone who wasn't me and although that killed me, you were happy. I couldn't do that to you.” you say as your voice breaks.
“So that justified you suffering in silence? Why would you rather see me happy while you were in pain?”
You look at him like the answer was obvious. How does he not get it? You stare at him as you remain quiet, looking at him as if it’s your last time. “Because I love you.” you say, softly.
He feels like you’re looking at him as if he is the most special person to walk on earth. He swallows out of nervousness as he realizes you gave him your heart completely. “You love me so much that you were willing to put yourself through hell just to see me be happy?” He doesn’t feel worthy of that…but you seem to think he is. You love him.
“Wouldn’t you have done the same for Yujin?”
You don’t want to hear him answer this. You don’t want to know, but you feel like he doesn’t understand. You feel like you keep repeating yourself and he’s relishing in it.
He doesn’t know how to answer. Would he? Hearing how you describe your love for him, he realizes what he felt for Yujin maybe wasn’t love. Maybe it was comfort. Or security. Or the fact that someone wanted to be with him so seriously. Maybe he did love her, but…not the way you love him. This sounds like love. This sounds like what he was supposed to feel. “Yes…” he says, not really sure if that’s true. He wants to believe he loves her. He wants to believe he didn’t waste almost four years on something that ends up meaning absolutely nothing. He has to love her.
“Then you get it.”
“Did you just hope we would break up one day so you and I would get together?”
You sigh, “You still don't get it. I know you don't feel the same way. I know I am not the type of girl you want to be with. I'm not the type of girl any guy wants to be with seriously.”
How could you say that about yourself? Sunghoon doesn’t believe any of that, not for a single fucking second. “That isn’t true. You’re smart, kind, funny, and pretty.”
“Stop.”
“No. It’s true. Everything I just said is true. You think no guy would be able to fall in love with you, but they would. You would make an awesome girlfriend.” he tries to reassure you.
You don’t want any guy.
“You’re not making me feel better.”
“What am I supposed to do, then? Agree with the bullshit you’re saying about yourself? Because that’s not fucking happening.”
“What I want you to say…you can’t.”
“Try me. Tell me.”
You just look at him. He doesn’t get it. He isn’t saying it because he doesn’t feel the same. This realization makes you feel like you’re crumpling. You look at him, defeated. If you have to tell him, you know he would only say it to make you feel better, not because he actually wants to. That. That’s what hurts the most. He would say it because you’re his best friend…but you don’t want to be.
“...are you going to try and get back together with Yujin?”
He pauses. He thinks about it for a second. “Right now…I don’t know. I guess a part of me wants to try still. Does that make me shitty?” He’s not sure why he does. Yujin is the first girl he’s ever told he loved…and he doesn’t say it often. Maybe he’s like you, in a way. He doesn’t really like saying stuff like that. It felt weird when he said it. But he thinks that’s just because he’s never said it before.
“Why would I?”
“I feel like an asshole for even considering it after everything you’ve told me-”
“She’s the one you love.”
“I’m not so sure about that.” he says, truthfully. He just needs to think. He just needs one damn second to think.
“Then let me make it clear: be with her. From my perspective, she's the one you want. What I told you, how I so stupidly cried in front of you, that doesn't matter. I told you this earlier: you should've chosen her. So just, make up with her tomorrow or whatever and be with her.” you swallow. “...but I can't be your friend.”
He sees you giving up. He hears it. He hates it. His mind is running a thousand miles per minute, he can’t fucking think and it’s pissing him off. “It’s not that easy. I can’t just ‘choose’ between the two of you. I’m confused, I just…I want to be with whoever makes me happy.”
He’s always been happy with you. Sure, you two fought, but you always got over it. You make him happy. So goddamn happy. But he’s scared. He just gave nearly four years of his life to Yujin…what if it’s because he does love her?
“That’s her.”
“How are you so sure it’s not you?”
“I know.”
He groans in frustration. “So, I have to choose between the two of you?”
You. He chooses you. He’s not sure about the rest of it, but all he knows is that he chooses you. Four years with Yujin doesn’t compare to the years you and him have had together. Nothing else matters. You. Just you.
“Just be with her.”
“What if I want to be with you?”
He hasn’t thought about it. Maybe he chooses you only as a best friend. What if he doesn’t choose you for love? …does he love you? He recalls the teasing from classmates when you guys were younger, but he's never really given any thought to it possibly becoming real. Does he love you the same way he loves Yujin? Does he even love Yujin? He doesn’t know…he just doesn’t know.
“You don’t.”
“And what makes you so sure that I choose Yujin over you? What makes you so sure you’re ‘not enough’ for me?”
“...because you would’ve chosen me first.”
“I can still choose you.”
You sigh, “You're making this complicated. You know she's the one you love, stop feeling bad for me like I'm some lost puppy and just admit it. I don't want your pity and I certainly don't want you to say you ‘choose me’ because you're confusing your pity for feelings. Stop saying I'm this great girl and stop saying any guy would be lucky to have me, that makes me feel worse. So just make up with Yujin and get back with her. Reassure her that you love her because you do and tell her I won't be a problem anymore because you and I aren't anything anymore. Problem solved.”
Is this really what you believed? Is this really what you thought? He just needed some time, he can’t think. He doesn’t know what to think anymore. You were speaking as if it was impossible for him to love you, but what if he does? How is he supposed to know? How did he know with Yujin? He’s questioning whether he even loved her since he can’t even compare how he feels about you with whatever he felt with her. He just knows it’s stronger. But stronger in what way? He sees how you’re looking at him and he realizes the only way for him to succeed in making you feel better–which is what he truly wants–is to just listen to you. He doesn’t want to. But he wants to see you be happy, even if it means he isn’t.
“Are you really sure this is what you want me to do?” he barely asks, the words leaving his mouth without any fever, as if he never wanted to utter them in the first place. As if he doesn’t want to hear your answer; see you walk out of his life.
You don’t answer him. You just look at him before walking past him. You hold your breath, knowing that once you exhale, you’re going to start sobbing. You felt so lonely. So lonely. You’ve always had him…and then you lost him to Yujin…and now, you’ve lost him for good.
He doesn’t turn around to look at you as you walk away, because he knows if he does, he will run after you and that clearly isn’t what you want. You want to let him go, at least that’s how he understands it. He doesn’t want that. He wants you. He knows that much, he knows he needs you. He’s not sure how things will look without you now. He never thought it would be like this, but here he is. …why does this feel so much worse than when Yujin walked away from him? Why does this hurt more than his actual breakup? The reason is one he doesn’t want to admit. He realizes the answer and he refuses to let it grow to fruition. He doesn’t know why it took him until now to figure it out, but he’ll realize that later. He wanted time…now, he’s got it.
-
Deja vu. That’s what this all feels like. Here Sunghoon was, again, at another stupid frat party around midnight. Here he was, again, with Yujin. He took your advice, he decided to apologize and get back together with her, and these past few months without you have felt like torture. Even using torture to describe it seems too dull. He has thought about nothing but you. He’s heard around campus about people you’ve hooked up with, but he doesn’t feed into it. As he stands here with Yujin at this godforsaken party, all he can feel is regret. He leans against a wall as Yujin talks with her friends and he practically chugs his drink. He doesn’t even want to leave the party because he doesn't think it's worth to waste any of his wants on anything but you. You make up all of his desires and he wants nothing more than for you to be back into his life. He finishes the rest of his drink and to his surprise, he does see you. He stands up straighter as he looks at you, but feels like his insides are on fire when he realizes you’re making out with Sungchan. On the couch. On the couch, you are making out with Sungchan. On the couch, Sungchan is running his hands along your hips and waist. On the couch, you let him.
You would be lying if you said you didn’t miss Sunghoon. A part of you went missing the night you walked away from him. You’ve seen him around campus with Yujin and eventually, it finally felt like you were over it all. Over him. You wouldn’t say you’ve been getting around quite frequently, but you won’t lie when you say that you did get with some guys to help get over him. It didn’t work. But you won’t admit to that. To you, at least, you’re over it. Over him. Sungchan helped a bit with some of the lonely nights, but you two aren’t anything serious. He’s not into that sort of thing and, hey, neither are you…so this is fine. He doesn’t lie to you about how he feels or what he wants and for that, you’re grateful. Although, you do have to admit, making out with him feels boring. Being with him feels boring. It’s not fun like it used to be…and even then, you aren’t completely sure it was even fun in the first place. Whatever, you’ll get into it at some point.
Sunghoon watches, now it really feels like deja vu. Is he dreaming? Or…is this him getting a second chance? Is this when he can finally pull you away from Sungchan and be there for you? Finally tell you how he feels? How he felt the whole time…? Suddenly, his spirits are slightly lifted, that is, until Yujin crosses her arms and scoffs before shoving him. Sunghoon is surprised and turns his attention towards her. Some people look at them, but Yujin doesn’t care, she just looks at Sunghoon, furious.
“Do you even want me to be your girlfriend?”
Maybe honesty wouldn’t be best right now. “I do…”
“Then stop looking at her.”
“Let’s…not make a scene.” he says, trying to calm her down.
“Just be honest for once: do you love me or her?”
He doesn’t know how to answer. He knows his answer, he’s had months to figure it out. But…you made yourself clear. You were done with each other. He sighs. “Can I get a moment to figure it out?” he asks, honestly a bit surprised he didn’t just cave and reassure her.
Yujin frowns and scoffs. “Let me ask you this, then. Do you wish that you were making out with her?”
He looks back at you and Sungchan, seeing him whisper something to you and you giggling before he kisses you again. He looks back at Yujin. “Yeah.” he swallows, gathering all of his courage. “But, that sounds…awful. It’s like you want me to admit I regret getting back together with you or something-”
“Do you?”
“Yes.” he answers without hesitation. He feels all of his muscles tense up. Did he really just say that? Well…it’s the truth, but he never thought he would say it. He feels…better.
Yujin quickly squashes that by slapping him, “We’re done.” she says before storming out, her friends following. Sure, the slap hurt, but as Sunghoon looks back at you and Sungchan…the pain from the slap seems so insignificant in comparison.
You decide to tell Sungchan you’re getting a drink, so you get up from the couch and go into the kitchen. You pour yourself a drink and once you do, you walk to the backyard and take a seat on the patio.
Sunghoon figures you want to be alone…but finds himself following you outside anyway. He walks over to you cautiously. You and him have spoken consistently for practically your whole lives, but he finds himself struggling to even say a simple sentence or ask a question. The time you’ve spent apart was multiple days…too many fucking days in his opinion. He can’t stand it. “Can I sit here?” he asks, referencing the spot beside you. You shrug as you take a sip of your drink. He feels relieved, baby steps, right? He takes a seat beside you and thinks for a moment on how to keep the conversation going. “So…what were you telling Sungchan?” …has he lost the ability to socialize or something because why was this the question he asks? He bites his bottom lip a bit in frustration at himself.
“Spying on me?” you tease as you extend your cup, offering him some.
Sunghoon chuckles softly and shakes his head. Hearing your voice for the first time in months makes him remember just how much he’s missed you. He feels like everything in his life is restored and he smiles a bit. “You guys were all over each other on the couch, is it really weird for me to wonder?”
You shrug, “I mean, just typical flirting and dirty talk or whatever. Why?”
He feels his breath catch in his throat. “Dirty talk”?...what the fuck? “Um…no reason…I guess I was just…curious or something.” he mumbles.
“Are you here with Yujin?” you ask as you take another sip of your drink.
He shakes his head. “Well, not anymore. She broke up with me so…I’m alone now.” he realizes how that might’ve come off. “Alone here now…not…me alone altogether…or anything.” he cringes and looks away from you, feeling completely stupid.
“What? Why did she break up with you?”
“She…saw me…looking at you and Sungchan…so she broke up with me.” he says, not really wanting to say the other stuff from the argument. You laugh in response and he frowns. “Don’t laugh.”
You nudge his shoulder, “It’s okay. If she broke up with you for that dumb of a reason, her loss.” You say as you take another sip.
He smiles slightly. It feels like old times. It feels like he has you back. It feels like you want him back. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s probably best I don’t have her constantly being suspicious about me and you.”
“Especially since we haven’t talked in months.”
He feels caught off guard by your blunt statement. Sure, it’s true…but it sounds like you didn’t miss him. “Yeah…we haven’t talked in a while.” You just take another sip of your drink and he looks back at you. “I’ve missed you.” He waited for you to say something back, but you didn’t. “I’ve um…missed talking to you like before. Like, before…everything got complicated and stuff-”
“I know what you meant.”
He nods his head a bit, everything now feeling awkward. “So…what have you been up to? Anything interesting happen?”
“Nope.”
“Really? Nothing? Nothing at all?”
“Yup” you say as you take another drink.
“So…for the past few months, you’ve done absolutely nothing interesting?” he asks, his tone being more lighthearted and joking to try and diffuse the tension.
“No offense, but I’m not really looking to ‘catch up’ with you.”
Sunghoon feels his heart stop for a moment, but he tries to play it off. “Okay, ouch.” he laughs nervously, “So you’re not even remotely interested in talking with me?”
You shrug, “I dunno. These past few months without you, I’ve kinda just been doing my own thing, I guess.”
Your response left him feeling worthless. Like, he didn’t even mean a single thing to you before. Which, he knows isn’t true…but you sound like you mean it. “So, you haven’t missed me at all? Not even talking to me?”
“At first, yeah. But don’t worry, I’m not in love with you anymore.”
“...you’re not…in love with me anymore…?” he asks as he feels his blood run cold. You just shake your head and continue drinking from your cup. His heart sinks immediately. He feels small; insignificant. His mind jumps back to Sungchan and he frowns. “Are you in love with him now?”
“Him?”
“Sungchan.”
“Eh,” you shrug, “we’re not dating, just casual, I guess.”
“So, you’re not exclusive with him?”
“No.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Yeah.”
He feels himself growing jealous and frustrated. How could you give yourself to someone who doesn’t love you? Sunghoon feels upset, realizing he unintentionally did the same thing, but still, not to this extent. He knows you. He knows you don’t want this…hopefully. But he sure as hell knows that you don’t deserve this.
“That’s ridiculous. How can you be committed to this?”
“I’m not committed.”
He groans, “That’s…not what I meant. What do you two even get out of this?”
You shrug, “Why do you care? I get you’re a relationship guy even though you’ve only been serious with one girl, but don’t shit on me and what I choose to do.”
The way you spoke got under his skin. “I care because I happen to care about the people around me. In case you haven’t noticed, I care about you.” But you just roll your eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes. I’m being serious. Why do you feel like this isn’t worth talking about?”
“Because we aren’t friends. We aren’t anything. I don’t need your input.”
It feels like you’ve slapped him in the face, and this time, it fucking stings. “What do you mean we aren’t friends? We grew up together, how the hell are we not friends?”
“Are you stupid?”
“Am I stupid?” he asks, offended and frustrated. He was starting to lose his patience. “No. I’m not. I still consider you as my friend. We grew up together, went to the same schools, hung out every damn day, how is none of that relevant?”
“We haven’t spoken in months.”
“So what?” he asks, feeling as though your friendship suddenly means less than nothing to you, somehow.
“I told you that night that I wasn’t going to be your friend anymore.”
He freezes. He knows. He also knows you don’t just say shit without it meaning anything. He knows you aren’t friends anymore, but he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want you to be nothing to each other. He thought that if, maybe, he admitted he still sees you as his friend, you would admit the same. But you don’t. And now he feels that same empty feeling. “So…you’re just fine with letting us go without a second thought?”
You look at him, “Do you not remember anything from that night? Of course if fucking hurt; I was in love with you.”
“So it does matter.”
You sigh, “It doesn’t matter anymore; that was a long time ago.” you say as you take another sip.
He looks at you for a moment, feeling like his heart has become a punching bag and you were just taking any hit you could. Was this really the same person he grew up with? That he… “How could it not matter anymore? We used to mean the world to each other…how can that just…be…over?”
You look at him, “Because I had to get over you.”
“It’s not that easy. I spent everyday thinking about you. Everyday.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you!” He thought your question was so redundant, he honestly didn’t even realize what he said at first.
“But…” you sit there, stunned. He finally said what you wanted him to say for so long, even if it was with a frustrated tone, still…it counted. “What about Yujin?”
“She…she doesn’t matter. You do. She always suspected I was in love with you-”
“Well, this is news to me.”
He deadpans. “Are you being fucking serious? I get I never said it before, but…” he pauses; he sees what you mean. “Okay…but…you never once thought it was possible that I love you?”
“No. Because that night when I told you that night that I was in love with you, you just kept saying I was your best friend. You’re so full of it.”
“I’m not full of it! I just…for fucks sake, I just didn’t know. I thought…I don’t know, I thought maybe for you it was just passing, or something, I don’t know what I thought I just…I don’t know.”
“Right. So as I stood there, crying my eyes out as I told you how much I loved you, you thought it was one sided.” you say as you roll your eyes.
“I…” he feels like he did that night, like he can’t think. “I just didn’t know, maybe something was holding me back, I don’t know.”
“I know why.”
He looks at you, relieved, thankful that you understand what he means. “You do?”
“Of course you didn’t want to admit to that. How embarrassing for you to have a crush on one of the school’s biggest sluts.”
He frowns. “That’s not what I mean. You honestly think it’s embarrassing for me to like you?”
“Exactly. And you knew that. I don’t blame you, no guy wants their girlfriend to be a whore.” You take another sip of your drink and you look at him. “Look, I’m not mad. I got over it and I honestly don’t care anymore. I know what I am and I know that until we graduate, that’s all I’ll probably be. But it doesn’t matter. Yujin breaking up with you not too long ago was dumb, you’re a really great guy, but you’ll find someone else.” You take another sip, “I should probably head back in and find Sungchan.”
He felt anger wash over him. Not because you don’t believe him about being in love with you. Not because you were going to Sungchan. But because of the fact that you believe the things you say about yourself. You’re so special, so goddamn special, and Sunghoon is so scared as he realizes he may be too late.
“And what if I don’t want to find someone else? What if I don’t want anyone else but you?”
You look at him for a moment. “Do you remember how you would talk about Yujin with me? You may not remember everything you said, but I remember it all and I remember how you looked as you said it. You talked about her like she was the most special and most beautiful girl in the world. You had this smile that you only had with her…” you pause for a moment, “You may say you have feelings for me…but they're not like the ones you had for her, and that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel bad because you deserve to be happy, but you also deserve to find another girl that makes you talk and feel that same way…and I know that’s not me.”
You’re so wrong. You’re so fucking wrong and it was pissing him off. He wishes he just figured this out earlier. He wishes that he asked you out instead. He wishes that he told you he loves you that night. He wishes he kissed you. He wishes he held you and didn’t let go. He swallows, “You remember everything I said?” he asks, slightly surprised to hear that. Honestly, he doesn’t even remember what he said. Not anymore.
“Of course I do…I wanted nothing more than for it to be me.” you say quietly as you take a sip and sigh. “But like I said, water under the bridge.”
He feels tears begin to form. “Why did we have to grow apart? Why didn’t you just talk to me? Just one damn word. Something. I didn’t want to lose you.”
“I can’t be your friend.”
“Why not?”
You look at him for a long moment, just staying quiet. “...I’m only going to say this once…but if I stayed your friend, I would just keep hurting myself…I would still love you.”
He stays quiet for a while. Even the loud music and chatter from the people inside seemed to drown out as he looked at you; you’re all that matters; you’re all that deserves his attention. “...did it hurt when we would talk everyday?”
You sigh softly and shake your head. “Not until you started dating Yujin. Before that, everything was fine. But once she happened…it hurt like hell.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I told you. I couldn’t do that to you, you were happy.”
“I would have wanted to know. I would have wanted to be there for you…”
You laugh a little, “No, that’s weird.” You shake your head and still laugh a little, “It’s fine, I’m over it.”
“It’s not weird. It’s not okay for you to act like everything is fine.” he says, softly.
“Why are you trying to rehash this? There’s no point. Or do you like to hear about how I used to love you and it gives you some sort of ego boost or something?” you ask, not wanting to dive back into this…not again. He shakes his head, but he sighs. What is the point? You aren’t believing him and you’ve said it yourself…you’re over him. You stand up and his eyes follow you, “I’m gonna go find Sungchan. Later.” you say, not really meaning the ‘later’ part, but nonetheless, you walk away and all he can do is watch you leave…again.
He heads back into the party, wanting to find solace in getting batshit drunk or something, but he continues to torture himself by watching you dance with Sungchan. His eyes only focus on you, sure, he’s jealous and pissed off that you’re with Sungchan, but he only sees you. Sees how you move and he finds himself wishing you were dancing with him.
Sungchan pulls you closer, just whispering sweet nothings in your ear and you feel his hands grab your ass. You giggle a little and try to enjoy your time with him as he starts kissing your neck. You laugh softly as you dance with him and, unfortunately for Sunghoon, he’s bearing witness to it all. His hand practically crushes his red solo cup as fury ignites within him when he watches what Sungchan is doing. That should be him. Not that he would be so…vulgar with his actions, but it should still be him instead. He sees Sungchan whisper something to you as he takes your hand and starts taking you upstairs.
As he watched the two of you making your way upstairs, his whole body shook and trembled in rage. Every step that the two of you took together enraged him. He hated the way you casually held his hand and how he casually walked you up the stairs. He hated how he acted as if he had every right to touch you like that. He hated the fact that you were both so comfortable with one another at this point. He hated the fact that he was leading you away to his room…
You were so focused on following Sungchan, you were surprised to feel a tug on your other hand once you reached the top of the stairs. Both Sungchan and you stop and you turn to see Sunghoon holding your other hand.
Sunghoon felt at ease, like he was grounded when he felt your hand in his. This made him more confident as he tugged you towards him, wanting you away from Sungchan. This pisses Sungchan off and he scoffs as he looks at Sunghoon.
“The hell?” Sungchan says, not in the mood for any games. He tugs the hand he was holding, pulling you back towards him, but you find yourself only focused on Sunghoon as your heart starts to beat faster.
Sunghoon pulls you back towards him, his grip on your hand tightening. “Back off.” he says as he glares at Sungchan.
“You back off.” Sungchan says as he tugs you back towards him.
Sunghoon realized that you were just being tugged around, so he stopped, but he kept holding your hand. “Let go of her.”
“You let go of her.” He looks at you, “Who the hell is this guy?” Sungchan asks, annoyed.
“Someone who actually loves her instead of using her.”
You look at Sunghoon, surprised to hear him say that. Sure, he said he loved you earlier…but this time when he said it, he said it like it was what he meant to say; what he wanted to say.
Sungchan laughs. “You love her?”
Sunghoon glares at him. “Yes. I love her. Now back off.”
Sungchan scoffs and puts his arm around me. “Tell you what, bud, you can have her when I’m done.” Sungchan winks as he pulls me towards him.
Sunghoon feels enraged. This asshole was acting so entitled, acting like he won this argument when Sunghoon knew damn well he wasn’t giving up. The fact that he had the nerve to call him “bud” too made Sunghoon want to throw him down the flight of fucking stairs. How he treated you was disgusting, talking about you like that in front of you. Sunghoon tugged you towards him one last time and Sungchan rolled his eyes.
“Whatever.” Sungchan looks at you, “You know where my room is.” he says as he winks at you before walking away.
Sunghoon grimaces as Sungchan leaves, but feels better once he’s gone. The whole time, you were just looking at Sunghoon and you feel as though your heart is beating out of your chest as he holds your hand. After what he said. After all of this. He meets your gaze and he looks at you in a much more gentle manner.
“You deserve so much more…” he whispers, his breath lightly brushing along your face since you’re so close together. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry-”
“Stop.”
“No.” he says as he lets go of your hand and uses it instead to gently cup your face. “I wasn’t lying. You are all I’ve thought about for these past few months and you’re all I can ever think about. I’ve missed you every single damn second of the day and I’m sorry I was too scared to say it all before. I love you. And all this time, I’ve just thought about what you mean to me and the answer is everything; you mean everything to me. ...that seems like such a vague thing to say now that I say it out loud.” he chuckles softly, “But everything means nothing if you’re not with me. Eating, sleeping, breathing, blinking, are all pointless if I can’t spend one goddamn second with you. I’m not embarrassed of you and I only realized that night when you left that I’ve always been in love with you. Always. What I felt with Yujin is all meaningless when I compare it to how I feel about you. I love you. It was never her. Not for even a millisecond. You asked me if I would put myself through pain just to see her happy and I told you yes. I lied. I thought that was what I would do, but I realized I actually did that with you. I let you walk away because that’s what you wanted. I didn’t want that, god-” he takes a sharp inhale as he rests his forehead on yours, “It’s always been you…and I’m so sorry I never said it until now. I’m so sorry I put you through all of that shit. I’m so sorry, but please…” he whispers as he looks into your eyes, all of his focus only on you. “I love you.”
You feel your breath hitch slightly and you feel so tempted just to kiss him, but you hold yourself back. You smile a little bit and pull away slightly, feeling relieved. “...I need to smoke. You want one?” you ask as you take his hand, going into an empty bedroom.
He closes the door behind the two of you as you walk over and sit on the bed, opening the window beside it. He sits beside you as you take out your pack and he smiles a bit. “Yeah, I do.” he says as you hand him one. He watches as you light yours and then you light his for him. You both sit silently for a moment as you smoke, it being a comfortable silence until he speaks. “Thank you.” he says, mainly for lighting his cigarette, but he does want it to apply to you not leaving him again.
“I forgive you.” you say after a moment.
“You do?” he asks as he takes a drag and looks at you.
“Yeah.” you say as you take another drag yourself. “But you’ve got to get better at saying how you feel.” you tease.
He scoffs playfully and nudges your arm. “Says you.” he mumbles as he continues to smoke.
You laugh softly and shrug. “We’ll work on it.” you say before exhaling your smoke and he nods his head a bit as you both look out of the window for a moment. You glance at him and inhale from your cigarette before gently pulling him towards you. He turns his head to look at you and you kiss him gently, shotgunning the smoke slowly into his mouth.
His eyes widen a bit as his heart beats rapidly. He closes his eyes as he inhales, letting the smoke slowly fill his lungs while he leans forward to kiss you back, indulging in the feeling of your lips on his even if it wasn’t an actual kiss. After blowing out the smoke, you break the kiss and watch as he exhales the smoke. He does it slowly, feeling as though his lips are tingling, begging to meet yours again. He smirks a bit after he exhales all of the smoke and looks at you. “Damn…that was good.” he whispers as he blushes a bit.
You grin, taking another drag, “I’ve missed you.”
He takes a drag as well as smiles softly. “I’ve missed you, too.” It goes quiet, but this time, a comfortable silence as you two smoke. He blows some smoke out of the window and looks back at you. “Do you think…we could give this another shot?”
You follow suit and blow some smoke out of the window before looking at him. “Our friendship or…something more this time?”
“Something more. Both, hopefully.” he smirks a bit as he says this, taking another drag.
You smirk a little back and chuckle softly, “I really want that.”
“So do I.” he whispers as his eyes lock onto yours. He smiles softly, “We’re going to be official.”
He reaches for your hand and carefully interlaces his fingers with yours. You take another drag as you smile shyly. “Good…” you say, softly.
Your fingers seem to fit with his perfectly; everything about you is perfect and it was things like this that make him realize it all the more. You hold hands as you smoke silently, both feeling a fluttering excitement in your stomachs as your relationship dynamic shifts to one that you both have been longing for before you even realized it yourselves. He glances at you as he exhales some smoke.
“Good? Wow…I was expecting some more passion out of that.” he teases, gently squeezing your hand.
You laugh before finishing your cigarette and putting it out. You turn your body a bit to face him, “What about…fucking incredible?”
He laughs loudly at your new choice of phrasing. He calms down after a moment, “That’s more like it.” he says with a grin before smoking his cigarette again. His gaze lingers on you as he watches you smile at his reaction. Stunning. He leans in, letting go of your hand, placing his left hand beside you on the bed as his lips meet yours, kissing you.
You don’t waste a single second, kissing him back immediately as your hand makes its way to the back of his head, your fingers threading with his hair as you push yourself slightly forward, pressing your lips against his more. He inhales sharply as he moves his left arm around your waist, pulling you closer, desperately. He puts out his cigarette and discards it, using his other arm to wrap around you as well as he pulls you onto his lap. You part your legs, straddling his lap as you grin a bit into the kiss, both of your hands using their fingers to gently tug on the ends of his soft hair. You feel yourself fill with excitement, the fact that this is really happening after every inch of your body has desired this exact moment makes you feel restless.
Sunghoon runs his hands up and down your thighs, squeezing them gently, before moving them up to your hips, and then your waist. His hands suddenly felt so big against your skin, his fingers sending shivers throughout your whole body anywhere they touch. He opens his mouth slightly more and you take this as a sign to slip your tongue into it. He grins, this time, and he pulls you closer to him by gripping your waist; your bodies now pressed tightly against each other. He moves his hands to cup your face and you move yours to rest against his chest, your fingers tightly gripping his shirt in an attempt to somehow kiss him deeper. His tongue glides across yours as he kisses you with increasing desperation. The need for you grows every second that passes, he has to kiss every inch of you, he has to make you his, he has to make you feel loved; the only thoughts devouring his mind at this very moment consisted of nothing but you and his need to ensure you only ever want him.
The kiss becomes sloppy, both of your lips becoming covered in one another, and you feel yourself craving more. So much more. You bite his bottom lip a little, testing to see if this will make him decide to take initiative, resulting in him gasping softly and releasing a low moan. He liked it. He liked it a lot. He moves his hands back to your waist, pushing you down against his lap and his jaw loosens a bit as he loses his breath, feeling you finally press against his erection. You moan softly, enjoying the feeling of some sort of contact where you desperately needed it the most and it felt so good knowing he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. He couldn’t take it anymore, he had to have you.
One of his hands grips your thigh and his other arm goes back to wrapping around your waist as he picks you up a bit and lays you back against the bed, not once breaking the kiss; at this point, kissing you has become his oxygen supply. Feeling your hands on him is the only thing keeping him alive. His lips part from yours only to kiss along your jaw, just below your ear, and down to your neck. You gasp softly and your eyelids flutter closed as you relish in the feeling of his soft lips kissing your skin. He takes one of his hands and uses it to move some of your hair out of the way, placing it on the back of your head, pulling your hair softly to move your head back so he has more room to work with on your neck. You let out a soft moan, feeling him leave open mouthed kisses on every single inch of your skin, him making sure he doesn’t miss a single spot.
He opens his eyes a bit and looks at you, to see how he’s making you feel. He watches as your lips part slightly as you take in small gasps of air, as if he leaves you utterly breathless; you’ve never looked more beautiful. He watches to see what spot of your neck when he kisses it that you seem to like the most. Once he gets to a certain spot and watches you bite your bottom lip a bit, he smirks slightly against your skin and sucks gently on the area. His tongue laps the spot a bit as he sucks and nibbles on it; this was his spot now. You moan softly and you feel your breath slightly catch in your throat as he leaves a hickey. He leaves a few soft pecks on the spot a little after he’s left his mark and he smiles a bit to himself.
You feel the warmth of his body pull away from yours and your eyes open as you look at him. The moon shined a bit through the window, the light falling beautifully on him as he looked at you with a slightly flushed face. He looked back at you, seeing you laying on this bed, all for him, he felt like he was going crazy. He sits on his knees between his legs as his hands run along your thighs; he just keeps looking at you, admiring all of you. You lay there, looking at him, feeling your body become hot as he looks at you through hooded eyes, as if you leave him in a trance. Your breathing picks up in speed as he runs his hands painfully slow along your thighs and as much as you want to pull him back towards you, you feel as though you’re frozen.
He takes a slow, deep breath, as his left hand travels up to gently take your right hand. He holds it up softly, separating your fingers with his as he loosely holds your hand, his gaze now focusing on your hands. He raises your hand up and leans in, raising it to his mouth. He softly plants his lips on your fingertips, kissing them softly, up to your knuckles, trailing his lips to the back of your hand, then gently turning it to kiss along the palm of your hand. He closes his eyes as he kisses down your arm--slowly--and gently lays your arm back at your side as he kisses up to your shoulder. His hands move to the hem of your short dress, slowly sliding it up, you raising your hips to help him, and he stops, leaving it bunched around your waist as he goes back to kissing along your shoulder. He gently pushes the strap of your dress down your shoulder as he focuses on kissing your body, moving along your collarbone. He breathes deeply, pushing the other strap out of the way as he leaves open mouthed kisses on your left shoulder, down your arm, his hands gently holding it up as he kisses up to your wrist. You watch him, feeling as if your body is constantly shivering, still dressed (albeit, your dress is pushed up), yet feeling completely exposed. His hand envelopes over your left hand as he kisses your palm like he cherishes your entire being, the way he looks is as if he’s wanted to do this his whole life.
He kisses your fingers, knuckles, and fingertips, opening his eyes slowly as he lets go of your arm gently. He moves his hands back to your waist, pulling your dress up more and you sit up, realizing your body is shaking, and he kisses your forehead before pulling your dress off carefully, like he’s afraid if he does it too fast, you’ll break. He lets the dress fall to the ground, the fabric hitting the hard wood floor just as softly as he lets it go. It’s as if the room is silent, no muffled music from downstairs, no rolling of tires from the occasional cars passing on the streets, no soft wind hitting the curtains, nothing except the quiet breaths escaping from his and your lips. He feels his erection become even more painfully hard as he looks at you, and he swallows, honestly trying not to let out a moan just at the sight of you. His breath stifles a little as he places his hand on the small of your back, steadying you as he leans back in, kissing the top of your chest. He feels himself growing more desperate, desperate to feel every inch of your skin on his lips, on his fingertips.
He breathes in sharply as he presses his face more into your chest, his lips sloppily kissing along your chest as his need for you grows. His tongue trails along your skin and he shudders, his hands becoming shaky as he holds your waist, all his focus practically on making out with your chest. A low moan elicits from him and from the way he was kissing your chest with such desperation made you moan softly in response, one of your bra straps falling a little off your shoulder from his movements. It’s as if he senses it and just decides to unclasp your bra, still trying to let it slide off of you slowly and hold himself back, but once he sees you take it off, your bare chest exposed, he feels himself get so close to cumming in his pants. He gently lays you back on the bed, wasting no time, however, to wrap his lips around one of your nipples. Your breath hitches and you moan as he releases his desperation. Kissing, sucking, and fondling your breasts, small whimpers coming from him as he feels elated to finally be doing this. Spit covers your chest almost instantly as he licks and sucks, kneading your breasts, moaning as the soft flesh squeezes and molds beneath his hands. And it’s only until he feels his breathing becoming quick, his dick aching in his pants, is when he stops. He pulls away slightly, his hair slightly covering his eyes as he stares at them, his trembling fingers squeezing and spreading his spit along them, his thumbs pressing and circling your nipples, and you feel as if ripples just went throughout your entire body.
You gently push his hair away from his face and he goes back to kissing along your stomach, down to your panties. You can feel momentarily the thin layer of sweat covering his forehead when you push his hair away, running your fingers through his locks and he whines softly against your skin, his hands gripping your sides and finally moving to the edge of your panties. You wait in anticipation, expecting him to take them off, so you raise your hips slightly, but he pulls away. You pout–only slightly–as you look at him with a confused expression. He smiles sweetly, as if he’s not the one that caused you to quite literally soak through your panties. He’s noticed, god, he’s noticed, but it takes everything in him not to behave like some animal. So, with that, he moves his hands down to your feet, slowly taking off your shoes for you before setting them on the ground. He moves back a little, leaning down to kiss along your leg, stopping at your knee, before moving to do the same thing to the other leg, but this time, he kisses up your thigh, leaving open mouthed kisses on the inner part of your thigh, gently nipping at your skin, and up to your hip. He gazes at you through his eyelashes as he moves to kiss along the other thigh, closing his eyes as he moans deeply against your skin, his tongue running along your skin.
He takes in a shaky, deep breath, and you feel your whole body become stiff once you feel his warm breath scatter so deliciously on your core. He gently places his hand over your sopping panties and your breath hitches, your whole body feeling grateful for some sort of contact. His brows furrowed as he slowly rubs his middle finger along your clothed slit, a low groan escaping his lips as he feels even more of your wetness seep through the fabric as he pushes into it. His mind feels hazy; he has to taste you. He takes his hand away, licking his middle finger and he feels as if his whole body exploded. He moans quietly to himself, before gripping your thighs and sticking his tongue out, licking a slow, long stripe between your clothed folds to your clit. Your eyes roll back as you gasp and moan. His fingers dig into the skin of your thighs as he feels himself lose all sense of sanity. He wanted nothing more than to take his time, but fuck, he can’t do it anymore.
His lips instantly latch around your clothed clit, sucking and lapping his tongue as he starts to subconsciously rut his hips against the mattress. His saliva soaks your panties entirely as he presses his tongue more firmly, causing you to moan louder, gasping, as your hand makes its way to his hair, your fingers tangling in it. He moans and pulls away only a little before diving back in, pushing your panties to the side with his face as he makes out between your folds. His jaw is working overtime, his tongue lapping and picking up as much of you as you can give, His nose bumps against your clit as he loses himself in your taste, eating you out like a madman. He groans and moans into you, his hip movements stuttering as he licks all the way back up to your clit, moving his right hand off of your thigh before pushing his middle and ring finger into you, making sure to rub them between your folds before he does. He sucks and licks your clit, moaning and whimpering as he pushes his fingers in and out of you, not stopping until his knuckles prevent him.
You moan his name, gripping his hair, pushing his face against your clit more as your legs shake and you cum, moaning his name. He whimpers and the way you taste sends him over the edge as he feels himself cum in his pants, his jaw falling slack a bit, and he pulls his fingers out, desperate to lick them clean. You let go of his hair, trying to catch your breath and he sits up, his face slick and covered in you, and he tugs your panties off. You look at him, watching as he undresses himself and you feel your body become light as he reveals more and more of himself to you. His bare chest, his abs, god, his biceps, you were about ready to start touching yourself at the sight, desperate for him, but you managed to stay put.
He feels his ego boost a little bit, watching how you look at him, examining his body as if he is some work of art. He’s going to give you everything he knows you deserve and that thought alone makes him smirk. You notice as he takes off his underwear the wet patch from his prior release, making you grin a bit. He finally lets his cock out, it still being painfully hard despite him having cummed already, and you gaze at it. You feel yourself clench around nothing, wanting him so desperately to fill you up and he sees it. He smiles innocently, as if you both aren’t completely naked and horny before he grabs a cigarette and lights it. He takes a drag as he spreads the precum spilling from his tip all along his length and you watch his every movement, honestly feeling your mouth water at the sight. You sit up and he motions his head to the window as the cigarette sits between his lips.
You turn and face the window, propping your forearms against the windowsill as you look outside, the cool breeze honestly feeling nice against your flushed, hot skin. You feel his presence shift behind you as he takes another drag. He sighs softly, looking at yourself propped like this, he places his free hand on your hip, lining himself up with you. He moves that hand and gently brushes your hair softly to the side, exposing your back entirely, and you turn your head a bit to look back at him. He exhales some smoke and meets your gaze, gently brushing his fingers along your cheek.
“Relax…” he says before leaning to whisper in your ear, “and don’t be afraid to let the neighborhood know my name.” he says before kissing your cheek.
You feel your body shudder at his words and he holds the cigarette between his lips as he uses one hand to hold your hip, the other gripping his cock before he slides it up and down, teasingly, between your folds. You gasp softly and he smirks, pushing his tip against your clit and he hisses a little, more precum leaking from his tip. He guides his cock into you, needing to quickly grab his cigarette from his mouth due to his jaw falling slack as he bottoms out into you. Your fingers grip the edge of the windowsill, your jaw dropping as you feel him finally giving you what you want. You moan and become breathless. He takes another drag from his cigarette before moving his hand from your hip to your shoulder as he pulls his hips away and then thrusts himself back into you entirely.
He filled you up perfectly, and he was damn ready to cum just from the way it felt like you perfectly felt around him. So warm and so fucking wet. He thrusts in and out of you a few times, groaning as you moan, sounds of you coating his cock more and more each time he goes in and out of you. He takes a shaky inhale from his cigarette, his eyes rolling back a bit as he thrusts a bit faster, before taking the cigarette out of his mouth, gripping the back of your head, a handful of your hair between his fingers, as he pulls you up and turns your head towards him. You moan and whine looking at him as he kisses you, shotgunning you this time as he keeps a steady pace of thrusting into you. You felt like you were going to choke, but you inhale what he exhales and as he pulls away, you turn back and lean your forearms against the windowsill as you blow out the smoke, gasping afterwards and moaning his name.
“Good girl,” he groans and puts the cigarette out, putting both of his hands on your hips, thrusting faster. “Such a good girl.”
You moan at his praise and breathe quickly as all you can do is let out strings of long moans as you feel his cock press into you over and over, him somehow hitting every area that makes your knees weak and mind hazy. His fingers dig into your skin as his hips rapidly pound and slap against your ass, the sound of skin slapping becoming louder and louder. You moan his name loudly, and as a reward, he pushes further, you feeling his tip brush against your cervix and you gasp, moaning his name lewdly. He grunts, the way you just moaned his name almost made him cum automatically.
“Louder, sweetheart, come on.”
You gasp for air as he fucks you so goddamn good, and you try to arch your lower back a bit so he can go deeper. You moan his name as many times as he wants, whatever it takes for him to rut in and out of you faster, to which he obliged. His breathing becomes heavy and your legs shake as you throw your head back a bit, your jaw dropping as you let out a long moan, cum spreading all over his cock. He grunts and whimpers, wrapping his arms around your waist as his brows knit together, him leaning down and kissing your shoulder as he pumps you full of cum, a low moan coming from him and onto your shoulder. He moans your name softly as he lets out a few more shallow thrusts, making sure he gives you every last drop. You feel yourself shiver as the warm liquid pushes into you and you whine a little.
After a moment of him holding you close and staying inside of you, he kisses your shoulder softly again before pulling out and pulling away. He lays back onto the bed and you shudder as you feel his and your cum spilling out of you and trailing slowly down your inner thigh. He opens his arms a bit and you go to him, letting out a sigh as you rest your head on his chest and feeling content when his arms wrap around you. His hand slowly moves up and down your back before he kisses the top of your head. It’s silent for a while as you both lay there.
“So…we’re a thing now?” you ask, partly joking, but part of you was seriously asking.
He looks down at you and scoffs playfully. “After all of this, you still don’t get it?” he chuckles softly. “I want nobody but you.”
#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon imagines#enhypen x reader#sunghoon x female reader#enhypen x female reader#kpop smut#kpop imagines#park sunghoon#park sunghoon x reader#enhypen park sunghoon#smut#enhypen smut#sunghoon smut#park sunghoon smut#heeology#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen fanfic#park sunghoon fanfic#sunghoon fanfic#enha sunghoon#enha x reader#enha fanfic#enha ff#enha smut
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R is very very shy and a little awkward, a couple of years younger than Ingrid and not famous, they've been seeing each other for a couple of months and she's been to a couple of games supporting Ingrid. The fans and the media all try to know who she is, crossing her privacy ecc and start to say very mean things to her so she start to pull away cause she's sad and think that Ingrid can have someone much better but Ingrid confort her cause she only wants her
I want you and you only // Ingrid engen
You and Ingrid had been dating for a couple of months now despite the three year age gap you both had going on. She loved you loved her that all that matters.
Ingrid always wanted to come wacht a few of the games oblivious and to support her. but due to timid and shy personality she understands and didn't push your buttons about it anymore.
You being you not wanting to feel like you disappoint her started going to the machetes even though sometimes you felt overwhelmed.
A few fans started noticing you're interaction digging in to recorde any sweet moments they could catch and post it on various platforms. The media trying to see if you had any celebrity status.
Ingrid had noticed the sudden attraction you both got from the public and told you to keep it on the for your own behalf but you took that too heart thinking that she was pushing you away and didn't want people to know about you.
You continued visiting Ingrid and supporting the team which lead to more media abuse.like fans finding out your private account and send you hateful messages saying Ingrid deserves better than you targeting your looks weight and everything they could critique about you.
You stopped coming to the games and kept rescheduling dates with her where you bearly showed up.
Slowly you started wondering if you were good enough for her.you already got the memo from people you weren't good for her or anyone.
tonight you planned on breaking up with her she had invited you over and you couldn't ignore your girlfriend soon to be ex.
Ingrid on the other hand had been very worried about you. Especially when she saw how the past few days you had declined her she was very worried after seeing things being said about you.
Arriving at Ingrid places you felt really nervous you were about to break up with the woman you loved the most.
Taking a deep breath before knocking on her door.
The door had opened with a worried looking Ingrid.she had immediately pulled you into a hug and kisses all over you face.
Oh lord how we're you supposed to break up with her you thought.
"Baby I was worried you stopped answering my text the last few days-". She tried to finish but got cut of by you.
"Let break". You told her with a cold stone face.
"What why did I do anything wrong".
"No you did nothing wrong it me I'm the problem you deserve better than me". You told her.
"What do you mean you're amazing please tell me your aren't listening to what people say".
"It not only that Ingrid you pushed me away when I tried to be there for you".
"Baby no I didn't mean it that why I just said it so you don't feel pressured I love you please don't leave me. She told you with tears flowing from her face.
You couldn't believe yourself for believing all that you had an amazing woman in front of you why would you try to ruin it.
"I'm sorry baby I just don't understand why everyone just seems to have something to say about me". you told her now crying.
"I love you and you'll always be enough to me". she told you
"Love to too".you said before grabbing her face and kiss her.
Ingrid_engen&Yourusername
Love you always and forever liked by alexiaputellas,onabatlle,lucybronze and 20,66 others
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A/n: hope you like this and it reaches your standardsfeedback are appreciated and feel free to send in more or just chat in
#ingrid engen#ingrid engen x reader#ingrid engen imagine#woso imagine#woso x reader#woso fanfics#woso fic#woso one shot#woso blurbs#woso fluff#woso oneshot#woso#woso community#barcelona women#fc barcelona femeni#barcelona femeni#barcelona femeni x reader#barca women#fc barca femeni#fcb femení#fcbfemeni x reader#fcb femeni x reader#norwnt#fc barcelona#fcb femeni#pinkyqilfic#barca femini x reader#barca femeni
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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Revelation | C.Sc
Pairing: Seungcheol x Reader
Genre: fluff, angst, office romance
Summary: What started as an office romance escalated quickly when there are news about Choi Seungcheol, your boyfriend, is suddenly the heirs of the company where you both work.
You grumbled as you opened your eyes, feeling the chill on the other side of the bed where Seungcheol had been sleeping. Unconsciously, your lips formed a pout, not quite pleased with Seungcheol's disciplined approach to work, which often meant leaving you alone in the mornings. But you knew he was just steps away, getting ready in the bathroom. Despite the fever weighing you down, you summoned the willpower to rise and prepare for the day. However, your feverish body rebelled, refusing to cooperate as you attempted to prop yourself up. It was the same cold that had brought Seungcheol to your side last night, yet now it seemed to mock your efforts to start the day.
"Getting better, love?" Seungcheol's voice drifted from the bathroom as he emerged, shirtless, a towel loosely draped around his lower body. You managed a nod in response, feeling a mix of gratitude and guilt for his concern.
As he drew closer, his hand instinctively reached out to touch your forehead. His expression soured at the lingering heat. "You're still burning," he remarked with a furrowed brow.
"Let's call you in sick for today."
You shifted your body fully to watch him, a smile spreading across your face as you admired his effortless grace in dressing. "Maybe it's because my boyfriend is so hot that I'm burning," you mumbled playfully, the words audible to Seungcheol as he adjusted his pants.
Seungcheol chuckled, turning to you with a raised eyebrow. "Really? Am I that hot?" he asked, a hint of playful vanity in his tone as he pulled back the duvet covering your body, his ego clearly enjoying the compliment.
"Really hot, to the point where I can't help but work to protect you from other women," you teased, preparing to rise from the bed. But Seungcheol was quicker, gently pushing you back under the covers with a soft yet firm touch, his concern evident in the way he hovered over you.
"I'll order you some food for breakfast. Let's have you rest for today, love," Seungcheol suggested, his voice soft with concern as he hovered near the bed.
You raised your brow, a flicker of worry crossing your features. "Didn't you say you had to pay for rent? Don't use that money for me," you reminded him, your concern for his finances clear in your tone.
Seungcheol met your gaze with a warm smile, brushing off your concern. "Yes, but it's okay," he reassured you, his eyes reflecting his affection for you.
Shaking your head slightly, you insisted, "You know I can pay for myself, right?"
Seungcheol nodded in understanding, his expression gentle. "You've told me that thousands of times already," he reminded you with a soft chuckle.
"Baby, if you need anything, you have me, alright?" you affirmed, reaching out to him with reassurance. He responded by pressing a tender kiss to your forehead, his actions speaking volumes as he nodded in agreement.
Seungcheol headed off to work after ensuring you had a healthy breakfast on the way. He reassured you that he'd already taken care of the payment, urging you to simply enjoy the meal and remember to take your medicine afterward. As you sat at the dining table, a pang of guilt settled in your stomach. You couldn't shake the knowledge that Seungcheol was facing financial challenges of his own, yet he never hesitated to take care of you. The thought weighed heavily on your mind as you contemplated his selflessness, a mix of gratitude and concern swirling within you.
Reflecting on the journey you and Seungcheol had taken together, you couldn't help but marvel at his unwavering determination and work ethic. You both started as interns at the company, navigating the challenges of entry-level positions while trying to make ends meet. But while you struggled to find your footing, Seungcheol dove headfirst into every task, his relentless drive and dedication setting him apart.
You watched with admiration as he worked tirelessly, often taking on extra shifts and projects to support himself financially. Despite the long hours and occasional setbacks, his perseverance never wavered. And it was this unwavering commitment to his goals that slowly but surely began to capture your heart.
As you got to know him better, you realized that behind his stoic exterior was a heart of gold. Beneath the surface of his determined facade, Seungcheol was kind, compassionate, and fiercely loyal to those he cared about. It was these qualities, coupled with his unyielding work ethic, that drew you to him like a magnet.
And now, as you sat at the dining table, contemplating the sacrifices he made for you without a second thought, you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with love and admiration for the man who had stolen your heart. Despite the challenges you both faced, Seungcheol's unwavering support and dedication had never faltered, and for that, you were endlessly grateful.
"I must have gone to war in my previous life, right?" you mused aloud, a small smile playing at the corners of your lips as you opened the meal and began to savor it.
***
As you stepped into the elevator, the buzz of morning gossip greeted you, swirling around the confined space like a whirlwind of speculation and excitement. Your colleagues chattered animatedly, their voices rising and falling as they eagerly exchanged the latest news. You stood at the back, content to listen rather than participate, silently absorbing the juicy tidbits being shared.
One particular piece of gossip caught your attention, causing you to perk up with interest. The grandson of the President Company was set to become their director. The news rippled through the elevator, eliciting a mixture of surprise and curiosity from your coworkers.
You had never been particularly interested in the inner workings of the company's hierarchy or its familial ties, but you couldn't deny the significance of this development. The President Company, a prominent entity within the Choi Corps conglomerate, held considerable influence over the various companies under its umbrella, including the advertising agency where you worked.
The mention of Mrs. Park potentially being replaced by this new director sent a ripple of anticipation through the elevator. Mrs. Park, the current director of Choi Ads, was notorious for her strict demeanor and cutthroat management style. The prospect of her departure was met with a mix of relief and excitement, evident in the hushed whispers and knowing glances exchanged between your coworkers.
Should everyone throw a party then?
"You can't believe what happened yesterday!" Soonyoung exclaimed as he approached your table, his excitement palpable.
"I heard it in the elevator," you replied calmly, shooting him a look that silently urged him to lower his voice.
Soonyoung cleared his throat and glanced around before continuing, his voice now subdued. "Everyone was taken aback but relieved at the same time that Mrs. Park and Mr. Yang won't be here anymore."
Your brow furrowed at the unexpected news. Mrs. Park and Mr. Yang, both gone? It seemed the changes within the company ran deeper than you initially realized.
"Mr. Yang too?" you asked, seeking confirmation from Soonyoung, who nodded in response.
"Everyone is finally getting into their proper positions! Mrs. Kim definitely deserves the general manager position. And you, Ms. Assistant Manager, should be a team manager," Soonyoung continued, his enthusiasm undiminished as he recounted the events of the previous day.
Despite Soonyoung's animated explanation, your mind struggled to process the flurry of changes that had occurred in just one day. Replacements, promotions, announcements—what had you missed during your brief absence?
"I'm glad that I treated Seungcheol with all my heart, or should I start calling him Mr. Choi?" Soonyoung mused aloud.
You threw a glance to him, "what do you mean? Seungcheol? Mr. Choi? I'm not following, Soonyoung," you admitted, furrowing your brow in confusion.
Soonyoung's eyes widened in disbelief. "Girl! Assistant Manager Choi is the President's grandson. He was here to announce it. The formal announcement will be held next week, and I'm in charge of the event."
Your jaw dropped in shock, and you instinctively reached out to grasp Soonyoung's arm for support. "What?!" you exclaimed, barely able to contain your surprise. "You're kidding, right?" Your eyes widened, and your breath caught in your throat.
Soonyoung rolled his eyes, a wry smile playing at his lips. "Oh, babe, I wish. But I'm happy for him. I thought he was just some hardworking dude at work. Turns out he's the heir to this company," he explained, his tone a mix of astonishment and admiration.
As Soonyoung's words sank in, your mind raced with a whirlwind of emotions. How could you have been dating Seungcheol for four years without knowing such a significant detail about his family background? The realization left you feeling stunned and incredulous, as if a veil had been lifted to reveal an entirely different side to the man you thought you knew so well.
Images of Seungcheol flashed through your mind—his warm smile, his unwavering support, his tireless dedication to his work. You had always admired his resilience and determination, but now, knowing that he was the grandson of the company president, it added a new layer of complexity to your relationship.
Questions flooded your mind, each one more pressing than the last. Why hadn't Seungcheol ever mentioned his family's connection to the company before? Did he deliberately keep it a secret, or was it simply an oversight on his part? And most importantly, what did this newfound revelation mean for your future together?
As you grappled with the shock of this unexpected discovery, a sense of uncertainty crept in, mingling with the lingering warmth of affection you felt for Seungcheol. Despite the whirlwind of emotions swirling within you, one thing was certain—you needed to have a conversation with him, to clear the air and uncover the truth behind his hidden identity as the grandson of the company president.
As you made your way through the office, your mind still reeling from the bombshell revelation about Seungcheol's true identity, you were taken aback when you almost collided with a familiar figure—Seungcheol himself. The shock of seeing him, coupled with the knowledge of his impending promotion to director, left you momentarily speechless.
The surprise etched on your face didn't go unnoticed by Seungcheol, who seemed poised to offer an explanation. But before he could utter a word, he was intercepted by a member of the company's secretarial staff, beckoning him away with an urgent summons.
For a moment, you stood frozen in place, torn between the impulse to confront Seungcheol and demand answers, and the realization that now was not the time nor the place for such a conversation. With a heavy heart, you watched silently as he walked away, the weight of the unspoken truth hanging heavily in the air between you.
As he disappeared from view, a whirlwind of emotions swept over you—confusion, disbelief, and a gnawing sense of betrayal mingling with the remnants of affection and longing. You couldn't shake the feeling that everything had changed in an instant, and yet, in many ways, nothing had changed at all. With a sigh, you pocketed your phone, the call to Seungcheol forgotten for now as you grappled with the complexities of your newfound reality.
***
As interns at the company, you and Seungcheol had embarked on your professional journey together. You were the only one accepted after a rigorous testing and trial period, while Seungcheol's presence in the internship program had come as a surprise to you. However, at the time, you were too focused on the competitive nature of the training system, which dictated that only one intern would be chosen every six months. It hadn't occurred to you to question Seungcheol's sudden appearance.
Seungcheol's reputation as a hardworking man preceded him, and it was evident in the way he threw himself into every task with determination and grit. While you didn't doubt your own work ethic, you couldn't help but acknowledge that you often relied on your natural talent to excel. Gifted in design, management, administration—there seemed to be no limit to your abilities, while Seungcheol had to work tirelessly to match your level of competence.
Despite your differences, the company saw fit to keep both of you on board. You found yourself assigned to the design team, while Seungcheol carved out a niche for himself in PR. Despite being the youngest members of your respective teams, you and Seungcheol soon found yourselves spending nearly every night in the office together, preparing for presentations, brainstorming ideas, and tackling whatever tasks the higher-ups threw your way.
In that year of late nights and shared struggles, you and Seungcheol had seen each other at your worst—unbathed, hair unkempt, with ketchup stains from French fries or coffee splattered across your shirts. But through it all, you found solace in the fact that you only had each other in this relentless corporate world.
A significant project had brought you together once more—a short film project to advertise a makeup product. As the clock struck 10 p.m. and the office remained deserted save for the two of you, Seungcheol was deeply engrossed in mind mapping ideas for the presentation in two days, while you found yourself daydreaming about your warm bed.
Seungcheol's voice cut through the quiet of the office as he watched you begin to tidy up your table. "You're going home?" he asked, disbelief coloring his tone.
You nodded, exhaustion creeping into your voice. "I need my seven hours of sleep to come up with a better idea," you explained, already feeling the pull of fatigue tugging at your eyelids.
But Seungcheol wasn't ready to give up just yet. "You haven't contributed anything, Y/n. Let's work a little longer until we find the perfect premise," he pleaded, his determination evident in the furrow of his brow.
A pang of guilt gnawed at you as you drew closer to him, trying to catch a glimpse of the ideas he had jotted down on his iPad. With a scoff, you remarked, "Is that all you can come up with?"
Seungcheol's glare pierced through you, his frustration palpable. "So you have a better idea? Go ahead, miss," he retorted, handing you the iPad with a challenge in his eyes.
You settled yourself into Seungcheol's armchair, dangerously close to him, as you pulled the iPad towards you, eager to share your ideas. As you wrote down keywords like "Lips Product," "Lips stain", "Backstreet," "Office romance," and "steamy," you glanced up at Seungcheol, seeking his reaction.
"What do you think about office romance?" you asked, your voice laced with curiosity.
Seungcheol slowly shrugged, his gaze meeting yours. "Never experienced it before," he admitted, his tone neutral.
You sighed softly, mumbling to yourself, "Me either."
"Many people find office romance exciting and adrenaline-fueled. But why?" you continued, your words growing more animated as you delved into your idea. "Because they're often secret relationships, hidden behind work contracts and professional facades."
Seungcheol listened intently as you explained, his expression thoughtful. "And what's the closest thing a couple can do in the office?" you posed the question, your eyes alight with excitement. "Kiss. Yes. A kiss leaves a stain—a lingering mark of passion and desire."
As you continued to speak, Seungcheol found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on your words. His gaze lingered on your lips, drawn irresistibly to their sensual movements as they formed each syllable. The proximity between you felt electrifying, your perfume mingling with the scent of his cologne, creating a heady atmosphere of intimacy.
Despite his best efforts to focus on the conversation, Seungcheol's heart raced faster than usual, his senses overwhelmed by the closeness between you. He tried to shake off the sensation, willing himself to concentrate on your words, but the allure of your presence proved too strong to resist.
Suddenly, you stopped speaking, and Seungcheol realized with a start that your faces were only inches apart. Your whispered question sent a shiver down his spine, and he met your gaze with a mixture of surprise and anticipation.
"Seungcheol..." you breathed, the sound barely audible in the quiet of the office.
His brows raised in response, but his eyes remained locked on yours, unable to tear himself away from the magnetic pull of your gaze. "Hm?" he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Do you still want me to be here?" you asked softly, your words hanging in the air between you.
Seungcheol bit his lip nervously, his eyes flickering from your eyes to your lips and back again. "Do you want to be with me here?" he countered, his voice tinged with uncertainty.
"I guess," you replied, your own voice barely audible as you closed the gap between you and Seungcheol, surrendering to the undeniable chemistry that crackled between you.
***
Seungcheol cautiously slipped into your studio apartment, his heart racing as he finally had the chance to face you after the whirlwind of work and avoidance. He knew he had to explain everything, but deadlines and commitments seemed to conspire against him. Now, on the eve of the announcement event, he couldn't delay any longer.
You weren't home when he arrived, so he took the opportunity to prepare a simple dinner, hoping to ease the tension that hung heavy in the air. As you walked in, the aroma of food greeted you, mingling with the unexpected presence of Seungcheol.
"Go change, I'll wait for you here," he uttered awkwardly, his hands fidgeting as he busied himself setting the table.
Minutes crawled by like reluctant snails as Seungcheol anxiously waited for your return. When you finally emerged, he straightened up, trying to compose himself as he watched you take your seat and begin to eat.
"Thanks for the meal," you said, your tone tinged with a hint of detachment that didn't escape his notice.
Seungcheol felt a pang of guilt gnaw at him as he realized the extent of the hurt he had caused you. He longed to reach out, to bridge the growing chasm between you, but the weight of his own mistakes anchored him to his seat. All he could do was watch, silently hoping for a chance at redemption.
"I can't do this," you uttered, setting down your utensils with a heavy clink, your hands reaching up to rub at your face in frustration.
Seungcheol's heart plummeted at your words, a cold dread creeping over him. Was this it? Were you about to end things between you? The thought sent a shiver down his spine.
"Can you— please don't show your face when I'm around," you pleaded, your head bowed, unable to meet his gaze.
Seungcheol felt like he'd been punched in the gut, the weight of your request crushing him with guilt and regret. He had hoped for a chance to explain, to make things right between you, but now it seemed like an impossible feat.
He sighed heavily, the weight of his mistakes bearing down on him like a leaden cloak. He knew he had let you down, had failed to prioritize your feelings over his own ambitions. The truth he had meant to share with you, about the sudden change in his circumstances and the responsibilities thrust upon him, now seemed like a feeble excuse in the face of your pain.
As he looked at you, your expression filled with hurt and disappointment, Seungcheol realized the depth of his folly. He had let his own ambitions blind him to the needs of the person he cared about most, and now he was paying the price. All he could do was nod silently, a silent acknowledgment of the chasm that now separated them, knowing that he had brought this upon himself.
"Are you—" Seungcheol began, his voice tentative, his heart pounding in his chest as he braced himself for your response. Was this the moment when everything would unravel between you?
Before he could finish his question, you let out a piercing scream, the suddenness of it jolting him to his core. Confusion etched across his features as he watched you dramatically cover your ears and sink to the floor.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his concern evident in his voice as he reached out to you, but you shook your head vehemently, your actions and words shrouded in incomprehensibility.
"No, don't talk to me!" you exclaimed, your voice muffled as you buried your face in your arms, your distress palpable.
Seungcheol knelt down in front of you, his brow furrowed with worry as he tried to make sense of your outburst. You muttered something indistinctly, your words lost in the folds of your arms. He leaned in closer, urging you to speak louder, desperate to understand.
"Don't talk to me, it's so embarrassing! I'm embarrassed!" you finally managed to articulate, your cheeks flushed crimson with embarrassment.
Seungcheol's shock morphed into a mixture of surprise and amusement as he processed your words. He couldn't believe you were feeling embarrassed when, in reality, he was the one who should be hanging his head in shame.
"I feel so stupid right now. How could you—" you started, your voice trailing off as you hid your face once again, leaving Seungcheol hanging on your unfinished sentence.
A soft chuckle escaped Seungcheol's lips as he watched your adorable display of shyness. He couldn't help but find your reaction endearing, a welcome relief from the tension that had gripped the room moments ago.
"Hey, it's okay. What do you want to say, love?" he reassured you, pulling you gently into his embrace, his heart swelling with affection at the sight of your pout.
You met his gaze with a mixture of bashfulness and sincerity, your words tumbling out in a rush. "I'm feeling stupid right now because I've been treating you like shit when you technically own the company where I work!"
Seungcheol's laughter bubbled up from deep within him, the absurdity of the situation washing away the remnants of tension between you. He cupped your face in his hands, his eyes twinkling with fondness as he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead.
"You have nothing to feel stupid about, darling," he whispered, his voice warm with reassurance.
"And no, you're not. You never treat me like shit," he insisted, his smile softening the edges of his words.
But you shook your head, your embarrassment still lingering like a stubborn shadow. "You don't understand! I've been insisting on paying the bills every time we go on dates. I even casually offered to pay your rent. Oh my god!"
Seungcheol's laughter grew louder at the revelation, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "That's what you were worried about?" he exclaimed incredulously.
You let out a heavy sigh, the weight of your embarrassment pressing down on you like a leaden blanket. "This whole week, I've been thinking about how many times I've hurt you by paying for your groceries and dinner. Your masculinity isn't hurt, right?"
Seungcheol's hands were gentle as they cupped your cheeks, his touch a comforting reassurance amidst your swirling emotions. "Thanks for everything, my love. Now your boyfriend will be the owner of the company you're working for. Let him treat you like a princess," he said tenderly, his voice laced with sincerity and affection.
You melted into his embrace, feeling the warmth of his love enveloping you like a protective cocoon. "I love the sound of it," you whispered, your heart swelling with gratitude for his understanding and support.
Seungcheol held you close, his arms wrapped securely around you as he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. "Let's finish your dinner, and I'll get you your favorite dessert from that expensive bakery you showed me last time," he suggested, his eyes sparkling with excitement at the thought of spoiling you.
You smiled up at him, feeling a rush of love and contentment wash over you. With Seungcheol by your side, you knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you would always have each other to lean on. And in that moment, surrounded by his love, everything felt right in the world.
#seventeen fanfic#seventeen imagines#seventeen angst#seventeen scenarios#densworld🌼#seventeen series#seventeen fanfiction#seventeen imagine#seventeen drabbles#scoups fic#scoups fluff#scoups imagine#scoups smut#scoups imagines#scoups x reader#seungcheol fanfic#seventeen seungcheol#seungcheol smut#seungcheol fluff#seungcheol scenarios#seungcheol x reader
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Still emotional about Fy'ra Rai and Opal, actually. Thought dump time bc i. dont have the energy to cut this down effectively.
Because at that point in the episode, Opal is doomed. Not in the fun little "oh things are getting worse ;)" kind of way we'd been experiencing leading up to the fight, or even IN the fight. At that point in the fight, Cyrus is dead. Dorian and Dariax have their minds twisted, bodies clambering away from the fight. Morrighan has felt, firsthand, just how far gone Opal is, holes in her mind, her friend broken. The heartbreaking sentence of. "You can always come back." understands that she is gone already. She's lost already. Opal has forgotten Ted. Opal has forgotten herself.
So at that point in the fight, we know Opal is doomed. Us as the audience, the cast, the characters. Aabria is running through each of the other crownkeepers and it is more of a goodbye than a round of combat. Defying the Spider Queen invites death, with zero hesitation- Cyrus's body as physical evidence of that. The terms were very clearly set: You leave Opal, you let her be lost. Or you die. (Leaving Opal anyway).
and Fy'ra Rai then. Grasps the crown, understands intimately that she can break it off and it will kill Opal. (I will free you, if you want me to. We would lose you but you would not be taken). And asks, what do you want me to do. What do you want.
and Opal says, I want you to leave. (I want you to live.) and Fy'ra Rai functionally says. No. Sorry. That's not one of the options.
If you wanted to go. I will do that (your blood on my hands). If you want me to stay, I will. But I'm not going to leave you.
There was the point where Fy'ra Rai broke into the communication and I felt my insides sink because. Look. Lets be real, Aabria had already demonstrated the stakes here. The gesture would not be rewarded for the gesture alone. The Spider Queen's terms were: You leave Opal. Or you die.
And Fy'ra Rai said: no.
I don't think I'm overstepping to assume that if Fy'ra Rai had failed the intimidation check, she would have died. This entire thing hits me so hard because I think Anjali knew that too. I think Fy'ra Rai knew that too. Yes, Fy'ra Rai convinced a Betrayer God to negotiate. She carved a third option out of a non-negotiable situation. She knew what would happen if she failed and did it anyway, with no fear, no regret, no waver in her resolve. She had lost enough sisters. She wasn't going to lose anymore, no matter the personal cost. That's part of why it succeeded, I'm sure, but.
Just. Fuck me. The amount of resolve. The amount of love. The amount of conviction. "I am. A protector." You know your friend- your sister- is doomed. So no more negotiating away from that. You step to her side and you grasp her hand and say- doom me with her.
And in some, sideways way, this saves you both, at least for a little while.
Because this story is a tragedy. This ending is a sad one. We know this already. But think about- Opal, under Lolth's bidding, alone in the dark. Think about Fy'ra Rai, alive, intimately aware that she had failed to protect yet another sister.
And think about what we got, instead: the two of them, in deep darkness, danger encroaching- holding hands. Someone they love at their side. A champion. And her champion.
This is still a sad story. But it's not the same one. Fy'ra Rai stared down a Betrayer God and made her change her mind. She stared down a Betrayer God, and her love and conviction changed the nature of the story. It shouldn't have been able to. But she did.
Fy'ra Rai chose to doom 2 people instead of one, and the sheer strength of her love and will managed to save them both, at least for a little while. Isn't it funny how that works? Isn't it devastating? Isn't it. fucking incredible?
#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e93#opal#EVERYONE CLAP FOR AABRIA AND ANJALI AND AIMEE BC I GO MORE FERAL THE LONGER I THINK ABOUT IT#character meta#fy'ra rai#fy'ra rai meta#opal meta#spar speaks#i had to get this out bc i cant Stop Thinking About it.... god..... she really Did That...#its not just about refusing to leave its understanding the consequence and facing it so unflinchingly that the narrative flinches first#UAHHHGGHH.#anjali bhimani do you know how much i respect you for this move. aabria iyengar do you know how much i respect you for setting up the stake#so clearly that this success(?) Hit the way it did. Aimee carrero do you know how much i respect you for how truly and devastatingly#you played opal while keeping the core of her character so poignant.#what the fucmkc. anyway im fine .#anyway this is why a lot of my devastated wailing is going to be reserved for dariax. and dorian. and cyrus.#my meta#FORGOT. I HAD THAT TAG. gotta go back and retag
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Written for a @astrangersummer.
Who Wears Short Shorts?
Week #1 Prompt: Short Shorts | Word Count: 1469 | Rating: M | Pairing: Steddie | Characters: Eddie, Steve, Robin | CW: Mild Sexual Content | Tags: Post S4, Everybody Lives, Eddie POV, Platonic Stobin, Silliness, Fluff, Hair Removal, Getting Together, Blame it on Nair Fumes
Letting himself inside, Eddie looks around, and the house seems empty, even if Steve's car is in the driveway. He pauses, and he's pretty sure he hears the faint sound of music coming from upstairs.
"Hey! Steve?!" Eddie screams, and waits. Nothing.
So, he climbs the staircase, and that's when he hears that the music is coming from the bathroom. He can also hear Steve and Robin talking, arguing, laughing.
When he gets to the doorway, he's very confused.
Very, very confused.
"What exactly is going on here?" Eddie asks, looking back and forth between Steve and Robin, both standing in the bathroom, wearing short shorts, white lotion slathered all over their legs, "And what's that smell?"
Eddie pulls his shirt up over his nose. It smells like some of the chemicals that Wayne sometimes comes home smelling like after a shift at the plant.
It's caustic. Burning his eyes and nose.
Robin wiggles her leg in his direction, "Nair."
"Hold still!" Steve chides her, trying to get her to stop moving without messing up the application.
"Nair," Eddie repeats.
"Nair," Steve confirms.
"And…"
"Who wears short shorts? We wear short shorts! If you dare wear short shorts, Nair for short shorts!" Robin and Steve both sing-song together, loudly, over the already loud music, waving their arms, legs kicking up together into a kickline, the idea of not moving around, obviously long forgotten.
And, oh. Steve's limber.
Flexible, and Eddie has thoughts he's not supposed to be having right now.
He feels insane as he reaches over and turns the music down, maybe a first, in his whole lifetime. He's not supposed to be the normal one in any situation. This is wrong. So wrong.
Like, he gets it. He watches TV. He knows what Nair is. Sort of. In theory. He definitely knows the commercial jingle. But he doesn't understand why this is happening right now. He thought they were going swimming. Not, whatever this is.
"You're using Nair? Why?" Eddie asks, because it smells like something that shouldn't be used by humans without proper ventilation. Maybe gas masks.
"Robin was curious, so I'm showing her how to do it," Steve says, like that's a normal thing for him to say.
"Okay, sure. Of course. New question, why do you know how to do it?" Eddie asks, as he mourns the loss of Steve's leg hair, that Steve is currently in the process of burning off with that eye-wateringly stinky cream.
"Swim team," Steve says, like that's an explanation. It's not. It's really, really not.
"Swim team," Eddie repeats.
"Yeah, for like, all that aerodynamic shit," Steve says, and Eddie can't help it. He smiles.
The kitchen timer dings, loud and shrill, in the small room.
"Is that so?" Eddie asks, leaning against the door jam, watching as Steve wipes the cream off of Robin's legs with a washcloth. Then forces her legs into the tub, one at a time, as he rinses them off. And Eddie can't tell if it worked or not, it's not like Robin's legs were all that hairy to begin with, at least not as far as he's ever noticed.
But, Steve. Steve's legs are hairy, just like the rest of him, and Eddie's curious. Morbidly, so.
Robin is running her hand over her legs, and Eddie watches as Steve just stands there, grinning at her.
"See?!" Steve says, excited.
Then she coughs.
"I'm gonna go get some fresh air," Robin declares, and Eddie wishes she'd bring a little in for the rest of them, honestly. This bathroom needs a window, desperately.
After she goes, Eddie looks back at Steve, "What about yours?"
"Takes a little longer, my hair is way more thick and coarse than hers," Steve says.
And, yeah it is.
Eddie doesn't want to admit, even to himself, what he thinks about all that body hair Steve has. But he definitely has thoughts about it. Lots and lots of thoughts.
"I'll do you next," Steve teases.
"The hell you will. I like my leg hair right where it is, Harrington."
"Suit yourself then," Steve says dryly, and he finally starts wiping down his own legs.
And yeah, he's losing hair up to his knee. Well, some of the hair. A little of it. Honestly, it seems very hit and miss as he wipes it away. Most of his leg hair just looks a little melted, singed, curled.
Damaged, not removed.
"Is it not working?" Eddie asks, curious what the plan is here.
"Well, it's not perfect," Steve laughs, and it looks pretty bad, but Steve doesn't seem to care, as he adds onto his thought with a breezy, "Oh well."
"Are you just gonna leave it like that?" Eddie asks. Because, honestly. No.
Steve just shrugs, "I guess I could shave them."
And Eddie is pretty sure his brain short circuits, because the next thing that comes out of his mouth is totally against his will, "Can I shave them for you?"
Steve stops, looks at him, then laughs, shrugging his shoulders, "Sure. Okay."
Eddie isn't sure why he asked that, and he feels like his cheeks are on fire. Steve reaches into the medicine cabinet, producing a razor and a can of shaving cream, handing them both to Eddie. Then he plugs the tub, runs some water, and wets his legs with a washcloth, before sitting down on the closed toilet seat.
Oh shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
"You want me to…?" Eddie asks, trailing off, waving his hand holding the shaving cream towards Steve's legs.
"You're the one that asked," Steve says, teasing him.
Eddie swallows, kneeling in front of Steve, squeezing some of the shaving foam onto his palm, and then runs it up Steve's leg, applying it, stopping when he gets to the knee.
Steve pulls up on his shorts, his already very short shorts, making them even more indecent, "Might as well go on up."
Eddie's dick twitches at the idea, but he nods, getting some more shaving cream and rubbing it up onto Steve's thighs.
Then he holds the razor in a slightly shaky hand, "You sure you want me to do this?"
Steve shrugs, "It'll grow back."
Eddie nods. That's not exactly what he was asking, but he grips Steve's foot in his hand, and starts running the razor upwards, gently. Trying to be careful. One stripe in, he leans over and rinses the blade off in the tub, looking back up at Steve's face.
And then keeps shaving, getting everything off his lower legs, before pausing, then just forges ahead. In for a penny, in for a pound.
He puts Steve's heel on his shoulder, giving him access to the underside of his thigh, and he's fully hard in his own shorts now, and he really hopes Steve won't notice. He's sure this isn't supposed to be that. He's not supposed to be getting off on this.
But he is. He really, really is.
He's such a goddamn pervert.
Then he sees it. The hard line of Steve's cock, pressing against his shorts. His tight shorts.
Eddie drops the razor. It clatters to the tile, and he laughs nervously as he reaches to pick it up.
What is he doing? What are they doing right now? It's madness. It's the fumes. They've gone to their heads. They've lost critical brain function, the both of them. That must be it. It's the only explanation.
Robin turns back up in the doorway, and they both turn and look at her. It must look crazy, Eddie between Steve's thighs, his leg hoisted up, covered in shaving cream.
"Oh, ew. No," she says, and disappears just as fast as she'd arrived, slamming the door behind her as she goes.
Steve chuckles, and Eddie gets back to work. Shaving, rinsing. Over and over, until Steve's legs are both bare.
It's weird, but Eddie can't help himself, and he runs his hand up Steve's calf, slow. Exploring.
And Steve moans.
Oh, goddamn.
Eddie suddenly raises up on his knees, sending Steve backwards, off-balance, falling against the toilet tank.
"Am I reading this wrong?" Eddie asks, chest heaving. Both of his hands clutching Steve's wet, smooth thighs.
Steve shakes his head, pupils blown wide, and Eddie runs his hand up, cupping Steve through his short shorts. Leaning forward, pressing against Steve, contorting Steve's body, as Eddie leans close enough to kiss him.
And he does, lips barely brushing, lightly, and it isn't lost on Eddie that he put his hand on Steve's dick before they even kissed.
Steve leans forward, surging into him, kissing back. Hand coming up to press against the back of Eddie's head, pulling him closer.
And Eddie's sure he'll die right here, for real this time.
If not from the lingering toxic fumes, definitely from Steve.
If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @astrangersummer and follow along with the fun! 🌞
Notes: There are lots of different versions of the Nair "short shorts" commercials, but here's one from the 70s, if you're unfamiliar.
#a stranger summer#week one#prompt: short shorts#stranger things#steddie#steddie fic#platonic stobin#steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#thisapplepielife: short fic#thisapplepielife: a stranger summer
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okay unhinged essay about ragatha probably #1 idk i don't think this is all of my thoughts but here's what i could actually put down
i think the most surprising thing for me Personally is getting a lot of my interpretations of ragatha correct ? like . the thing that almost destroyed my motivation for this blog is the fear that my unhinged overanalyzation of her mannerisms in the pilot were Wrong - i actually thought about canceling everything when i was off from canon - but now ... yeah i'm not doing that
i guess it's just that we had so little of her in the first episode that i thought i was Manifesting her issues but Nope she really is this much of a Loser
first of all ! i suspected that she has low self-esteem but Goodness Gracious !! i didn't expect it to be Actually almost non-existent ?? like i thought i was Exaggerating for this blog but no , no person with a normal amount of self-esteem would Warp an incident so much in their head that they somehow believe something going wrong is Their Fault .
like she's so focused on pomni the entire episode because she Genuinely believes that the fiasco in the first day was her fault ( even though IT WASN'T , but she's really that used to quickly blaming herself ) and wants to make it up to her . but of course pomni is still adjusting and is Overwhelmed by everything ( which is understandable ) so she's not really in the mood for ragatha's bullshit
but with how ragatha reacts and what she subsequently tells kinger - she read those more as ' i do not like you ' than ' i am too fatigued to care about anything right now ' which is such a Large leap , but considering she was the one who Apologized to pomni for giving her a stressful first day ( which was COMPLETELY out of her control , ) it makes sense that she assumes that pomni has something against her - which was not helped by how none of ragatha's attempts of starting a friendship were reciprocated
i do understand why she would Think it's her fault - as pomni's a newcomer and More Stress is the last thing she needs , especially in her first day - but ' oh she doesn't like me ' is still Such a hasty conclusion that someone who already ... Doesn't Like Themself would jump to .
of course i can't not talk about the potential history between her and kinger . through their dialogue you can tell that ragatha's one of those people that took a batshit long time to truly adjust to the circus - which has a lot of interesting implications . with how she seems to understand the process of finding an exit in episode 1 , it explains a lot . my girl was so Not well when she entered the circus .
honestly it's just nice seeing that ragatha at least has Some support despite her being the one who holds everything together - it makes the ending impactful in my opinion ; they do really care for each other and will be saddened if one of them is gone .
also of course she asked if everyone's alright despite having a cleaver to the head ...
something that also has been nagging me for a long time is how much she always gets the short end of the stick . like , literally every time she's on screen , she Has To Get Harmed in some way . i would brush this off as slapstick when her official pin doesn't have her HAVING A KNIFE TO THE CHEST ???
Maybe it's just slapstick . maybe with her having parallels to kaufmo considering how he's said to be a goofy toxic positivity type guy like ragatha and is the one that has abstracted thus far is just a coincidence and doesn't speak levels to what might become inevitable as the series goes on ,
#[ ooc ]#[ ESSAY WARNING ]#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc spoilers#the amazing digital circus spoilers#tadc ragatha#||#couldn't find a way to fit this into the post but#something about her just screams ' abandonment issues ' and i don't think i have enough evidence to prove it but . the feeling's there
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Hiya! Do you think you could write something romantic and fluffy with Vil? I love him!
hi anon of course! I am so unwell about this man
summary: being friends with vil schoenheit has its perks
type of post: fic
characters: vil
additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is not specified to be yuu, FLUFFY, mentions of food, friends to lovers huhuhu, maybe a tiny bit suggestive but also not really? lap-sitting and kissing
Someone should write a guide on how to be friends with Vil Schoenheit.
It did not come as naturally to you as you would have hoped. There were times when he felt like a star in your presence, not the actor kind, but the heavenly body.
Bright, and burning, and millions of miles away. Even as he sat directly across from you.
"You're not eating," he remarks. The comment is not degrading, though it is tinged with curiosity. "Is it bad?"
You haven't even sampled the meal yet- something fancy and expensive that you likely couldn't pronounce. He'd ordered it for you.
"It's okay," you lie.
He either buys your excuse, or ignores it. Either way, he reaches across the gossamer table cloth and switches your plates without asking.
Vil Schoenheit Friendship Survival Manual, rule number one: always assume his judgment is correct, until proven otherwise.
You look down at the plate- some kind of vegetable dish. He urges you on with a nod, lilac eyes fixed firmly on your pleasantly surprised reaction when you take a bite.
Rule number two: his judgment is always correct.
"Better?" he asks, not bothering to finish your food. He'll likely get something else later. "You really shouldn't skip meals. If you were feeling unwell, you should have said so. I would've ordered something lighter for you."
"Sorry. Didn't think of it," you say, taking another bite of his meal, if only to appease him.
You're hesitant to mention that the heavy feeling in your chest wasn't from illness, and so you say nothing more.
"No need to apologize. Here,"
Vil delicately reaches across the table and dabs at the corner of your mouth with his napkin. You hate how light-headed such a simple action makes you feel.
"Better. And don't worry about smudging anything, I have a few new products I'd like to try out on you later,"
Rule number three: always accept his gifts.
"Thanks," you murmur.
You were starting to feel as if you really were ill, the way your entire body warmed in his presence. Vil brought out a feverish sort of stupidity in you that made outings like this a minefield to navigate.
How painfully cliché, you thought. Hopelessly in love with someone far out of your league, with infinite options, none of which you could even hope to catch up to...
It made these evenings together pure torture.
You felt guilty for wishing he wasn't such an amazing friend. Must he insist on showering you in gifts and holding your hand every time you cross the street?
But being in his bedroom is another, dirtier realm of guilt. Vil saw you as a friend. Platonic. Someone he confided in, who he took under his wing. You were allowed to see parts of him no one else had, and yet, you can hardly pay attention to what he's saying because you can't stop thinking about the way his lips look when he speaks.
"Did you understand any of that?" he asks, bending down to your level as you sit on his bed. On his bed. And you had the mind to be thinking about doing romantic things...
Rule number four: speak when spoken to.
"No, sorry, I've just had a lot on my mind lately,"
Vil clicks his tongue and holds a hand to your forehead, feeling for temperature. "And you're sure you're not ill?"
"I'm fine! Just distracted,"
He chuckles, walking across the room to peruse his vanity. "Hm... and what sort of thoughts have got you scatterbrained today?"
You can feel your skin burning again. He could tell, couldn't he? All these weeks of coming undone every time he so much as looks your way couldn't have gone over his head... could they?
Or perhaps he was just used to people staring at him, stumbling over their words every time he spoke. Perhaps you were just another foolish fan who'd gotten to know him before falling in love.
You couldn't help but wish that there was someone or something that would just tell you what to do.
Rule number five: do not fall in love with him.
Vil sits beside you, a small, wooden box in hand.
"I'm supposed to promote these next weekend, but I'm not sure about them, yet," he says, opening the lid to reveal a plethora of lipsticks that likely cost more than your existence. "I'll need your opinion, of course."
"Right," you murmur.
"And I'd like to try them on you, as well,"
"Of course,"
"And you're alright with that?"
You nod. Ever the gentleman, always asking for permission. He's been quite generous with his products lately, giving them away to you like candy. You're almost certain he has a full list of your allergens somewhere.
Vil returns to the vanity, delicately prepping, and then applying the first shade. It's a marvelous, metallic pink, with dark red undertones that make it a regal color. It suits him, and you say as much.
"Oh, you think so? I suppose it does compliment my eyes, although I'd definitely need to pair it with something darker, else it become too overpowering..."
He clicks his tongue, and then turns to look over his shoulder at you.
"Your turn. Come sit,"
There isn't another chair at the vanity, and you take that as your cue to awkwardly stand in front of him until he tells you what to do. He chuckles, amused by some thought of his that he doesn't share aloud.
"What are you standing there for? Sit,"
You awkwardly look around the space, eyes searching for a mysteriously hidden stool, something that should have been obvious...
He smiles. "Oh, don't be shy. We've known each other long enough by now, haven't we?"
You can't think of the right thing to ask, although your thoughts are quickly cut off by the sight of him gently patting his lap.
Sevens. If there were any time to wake up, this was it.
Rule number five: do not fall in love with him.
He's not joking, of course. Vil hardly jokes. And so, you awkwardly straddle his lap, facing towards him, and allow him to get a good look at your visage.
He holds your chin firmly, studying your features as if he hasn't already seen them a thousand times before.
"Stay still,"
He's going to give you a heart attack, and there's a little quirk in his smile that tells you he knows it, too.
You wonder what your tag at the morgue will say. Death by Vil Schoenheit?
He starts with your skin, commenting on how soft it's gotten since he met you, then your eyes...
...Once he's satisfied, as he always is with his work, he turns your head so you can admire the makeup look in the mirror behind you.
"Stunning," he comments. "But you're missing something."
You look back, eyes wide. Surely, he hadn't forgotten something...? That's simply not in his nature.
He smiles at your confusion. "Remember? You promised to test these for me?"
Right. The lipstick. You nod. "Yes, but, I thought you'd already..."
"Oh, I do like the color. I'm just worried about this brand," Vil says. He looks away for a moment, almost as if to summon his courage... what a strange expression on him.
"What's wrong with the brand?"
He turns back with a small smirk. "They have a nasty reputation for smudging easily. I wouldn't want to make a fool of myself next weekend, hm?"
His cups your chin again, bringing you closer.
Rule number five: do not fall in love with him!
He tilts his head to the side. "You don't mind, do you?"
You couldn't have shaken your head any faster, even with his grip on your chin.
"Good. Now, stay still. I think this will be a good color on you, anyway,"
He pulls you in with ease, letting his lips rest on yours for a second or two, before pulling back. Short but sweet, enough to make you feel like your entire body has gone numb.
He inspects your face, humming to himself...
"Good so far," he says, bringing you closer again. "But that was too safe. I won't hold back next time. Are you ready?"
You nod. Barely anything had happened, and you're already breathless. "Ready,"
Another smile crosses his perfect face, though he doesn't give you any time to admire it before he's kissing you again, one hand still cupping your face, the other holding the back of your neck and pressing you closer.
Definitely not a very platonic kiss.
It takes him longer to pull away this time, though when he does, it gives you a perfect view of his still-pristine makeup.
"Hmm... still nothing. I'm quite impressed with this line," he says, reaching behind you and returning with the wooden box. "How do you feel?"
Dizzy. Light-headed. Warm.
"Good," you say.
Rule number five: do not fall in love with him.
Or do.
"Not too much, I hope?"
A delightful realization was beginning to come over you, one that made all you had thought about him null and void:
No one else could possibly give you a guide on Vil Schoenheit, because he writes the rules himself.
"No. That was perfect,"
"Excellent," he smiles, and flips the box open again. "Because we still have six more colors to test."
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Notice me
Ceo!Wonwoo x Fem!reader - 1.8k words
you finally have your boyfriend all to yourself but what's the point when he's too busy staring at his phone to even look at the ruby necklace you put on for him?
Established relationship, Non-idol au, angst (happy endings tho) and smut
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
You’re seated in a crowded restaurant, as the laughter and excitement of other customers fill your ears. It’s a surprise that you don’t happen to feel the same way as them, it’s your first date with your boyfriend after almost three months and he won’t even look in your direction; his eyes glued to his phone ever since you both sat down in your seats. You play with the food on your plate, huffing out of boredom.
“Wonwoo…” You start and he replies with a hum without even looking up.
“You know the ruby necklace you got me last year from Greece? I’m wearing that today, how does it look?” You ask, half excited in hope that he would look up at you for once tonight.
You felt a little disappointed with yourself, practically throwing yourself at your boyfriend in attempts of catching his attention since the night started. But, to no avail, he replied without even looking up, “It looks gorgeous babe.”
You furrowed your eyebrows as you began speaking, “Wonwoo could you look at me? You haven’t put down your phone since the date started…” your voice becoming smaller by the end.
“I’m sorry honey, the deal is just about to close and if all goes well we can finally go on the vacation you’ve been planning for a while now.”
You could only sigh in response, you know that he’s doing it all for you. He’s loyal, handsome and so loving, it almost makes you feel guilty for stripping him away of his time while he’s so busy. You’re just thankful he’s even sitting in-front of you during such a stressful week but, there’s still a part of you that wants all of his attention to yourself.
After another ten minutes of silence and both of your foods being left untouched, you decide you’ve had enough and message your personal driver asking him to pick you up.
It's not like your absence here would make such a big difference.
In the next 15 minutes your driver is here and you slowly get up and leave and even if you were expecting it, you still feel hurt when you realise your boyfriend hasn't felt your absence yet.
You walk with your head down and sit down in the car, weakly asking your
driver to take you back home making sure he can't hear the silent sobs leaving your mouth.
When you reach home you immediately run to your bedroom, taking off your heels that you put on just for wonwoo and wiping off your makeup - it's all ruined anyways.
You check your phone after a while, once you've finished your skincare and are comfortable in bed as a way of getting your mind off of your awful night.
Wonu💗: ???
Wonu 💗: where did you go?
2 Missed calls from Wonu💗
Wonu 💗: I'm coming home, we will talk then.
And as you read the message simultaneously you hear the front door unlock and wonwoos footsteps inching closer to your shared bedroom. You quickly turn your back towards the door so he can't see your heartbroken expression.
"*Y/N?" He calls out resulting in no response from you.
"Baby I know you're awake, don't ignore me." He adds on with a sigh, reaching out to rub your back softly.
You hesitate a little before looking up to him, eyes swollen with tears.
"Baby talk to me...what happened?" He asks and you feel like crying even more about the fact that he's so unaware about his actions.
Did he not feel as alone as you? Did he not miss you? Maybe he found someone new?
All these thoughts crossed your mind and as if he could see the cogs moving in your brain he continued, "Don't worry yourself all on your own, please...talk to me" he was basically begging.
"All night wonwoo.." you started as he urged you to continue
""You ignored me all night wonwoo. I understand that your work is important and every day you work hard for me...for us..."' you add while he takes your fidgeting hands into his own.
"I know you had to clear out your schedule for today and I'm thankful that you did but, I guess I was just expecting your full attention on me. I even wore your favourite dress tonight in hopes that you would give me all your attention and i don't know...I guess I was just being silly." You finish as you carefully look up to see wonwoos furrowed eyes brows as if he's trying to make sense of everything you said.
Getting a little embarrassed, you take your hands away from him and cover your face, "ugh I knew it, it's just all so silly..I'm feeling like a high schooler again" and to that he chuckles as he urges you to look at him again.
"I'm sorry baby.." he starts as you look at him with watery eyes.
"'You're not being silly at all, you're right, I cleared out my schedule to be with
you, you're not silly for expecting my full attention on you. I'm sorry that I
haven't been here for you, I know you've missed me I've missed you so much too." You carefully nod as you take in everything he's saying.
"I promise, I'll take the entire next week off. We can go wherever you want,just us two, no business calls whatsoever!" He finishes with a small attempt of enthusiasm as you giggle while he pulls you on his lap - both of your legs wrapped around his waists.
And almost immediately, his lips are on yours and what started as an innocent apologetic kiss turns into something a lot more intense.
He swipes his tongue over your lips as you open your mouth, inviting his muscle inside as your hands reach out to grab the back of his neck.
He pulls away with saliva connecting both of your mouths and you look at him meekly, grinding yourself onto him in objection to the sudden loss of contact.
He chuckles deeply as he takes his glasses off while having a bruising grip on your thighs, preventing you from pushing yourself onto him even more as a wet patch grows visible on your sleeping shorts. You lean in to give him gentle yet harsh kisses on his neck that will most likely leave a mark that he will most definitely complain about tomorrow morning before going to work.
""Wonu.." you whine as your hands make there way to unbutton his formal shirt, which he immediately stops.
You look up at him with the best puppy eyes as he gently pushes you on your back, connecting his lips with yours again.
"Hmmm...need all these off.." he thinks out loud, pulling your shirt off.
"No bra?" He asks with a raise of his eyebrows and you whine in embarrassment, covering your chest.
"What's so embarrassing? Nothing I haven't seen before." He says with a smirk as he goes in to suck on your left tit while his hand plays with your right nipple.
"Wonu.." you gasp, "not fair.." you can barely even speak, "you're fully clothed and 'm basically naked." You finish with a whine.
"Well, we gotta do something about that don't we?" He asks teasingly as your hands once again make there way to unbutton his shirt, successfully taking it off this time. He reaches out for your shorts that he takes off with your underwear in one go, cold air hitting your soaking cunt.
You watch as he spits on your wet core and inserts two fingers in one go, erupting a loud moan (it was basically a scream) as he chuckles. "Aww look at my baby, she's been so desperately waiting for me hasn't she? Soaking wet.."he adds with a slap on your cunt as you buck your hips, trying to be as close to him as possible.
"Yes! Yes! Been waiting for you!" You squeal out as Wonwoo smirks in satisfaction. "Been wanting you for so long!" You add on with a moan.
"Don't worry baby, I'll give you all the attention you've been craving." You moan once again as he attaches his mouth to your clit, sucking on it like a starved man.
"Wonuu 'm gonna cum.." you furrow your eyebrows, focused on your orgasm.
"Cmon baby, be a good girl and come for me."
The nicknames puts you on edge as you come with shaking legs.
"Baby.." you whine as your hands are in the air, reaching out for your boyfriend.
"Want you now.." you continue as your eyes fall onto his growing bulge and he raises his eyebrows at you.
"Yeah? You sure?" He questions in amusement, thinking you would be too tired to continue.
"Yes! I waited for sooooo long." You whine.
"Well if my baby waited so long for me then who am I to say no?" As he lets down his boxers for the first time tonight. You're basically drooling at the sight of his cock as it hits against his abdomen.
"You're ready baby?" He asks and you enthusiastically nod your head in agreement which he chuckles to, "words baby."
"Yes wonu I want you, I want your big cock inside me pleaseee" you beg and he thinks he might just cum at this moment.
"Fuck...princess" he moans as he sinks into your drenched pussy, legs touching
his shoulder as you're basically folded in half. He thrusts, slow and deep into
you, grabbing your hand into his, leading it up to the bulge in your stomach."Fuck, you feel this princess? This is how deep I am into you." You gulp at the feeling of his bulge.
"Faster" you whine and he complies.
"Shit 'm about to cum wonwoo" you barely let out.
"Oh yeah? me too princess where do you want it?" He asks while sweat drips down his forehead.
Almost immediately you respond, "inside, inside Wonwoo please, need to feel all of you." And who is he to deny his pretty princess.
You both basically shake during your orgasm as he slows down, pulling out and you swear right now he looks like the most beautiful man you've ever seen.
He rolls onto his side, pulling you close to him as your sweaty bodies become as physically close as they possibly can.
"Feeling good baby?" He asks softly, stroking your hair away from your sticky forehead, a different demeanour compared to literally five minutes ago.
You shyly smile, "uh huh, I feel so good."
And even though it's dark you can basically feel all the heat in his body rush to his cheeks.
After a few minutes of silence he speaks up again, "I gotta clean you up baby and the sheets are all messy we need to change them."
You whine at the thought of moving from this comfortable position.
"Just five more minutes." You whine
"Siri set the timer for 5 minutes." He says with a grin.
"N00000000"
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
Read more of my work: Masterlist
#seventeen#svt#svt x reader#svt x you#svt x y/n#jeon wonwoo#wonwoo#wonwoo smut#wonwoo scenarios#wonwoo fluff#wonwoo fanfic#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo x you#wonwoo x y/n#seventeen x reader#seventeen smut#seventeen scenarios#seventeen x you#seventeen x y/n#kpop smut#kpop fanfic#kpop fluff
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Ok this may seem like im grasping at straws here but i need you guys to let me cook for a sec-
HUGE TADC EPISODE 2 SPOILERS
We start off the episode with Pomni’s nightmare, which is a reflection of Pomni’s fears and feelings that are going to be expanded upon throughout the episode. Her main fear isn’t abstracting here, it's the feeling of helplessness, the feeling of not mattering to anybody in the circus. This is seen clearly when Ragatha, Jax, and Caine are shown above the cellar, basically saying “good riddance” upon witnessing Pomni abstract.
And it makes complete sense that Pomni would feel this way once you look back at the circus’ reaction to Kaufmo abstracting (before the second episode). He doesn’t get acknowledged as someone who has just passed away, he doesn’t even get a moment of silence. Pomni notices this, and after she wakes up from her nightmare, she seems almost reluctant to bond with the rest of the circus members because this fear is still on her mind.
This is seen particularly when Pomni is speaking to Ragatha. Ragatha attempts to be helpful at any given chance, but most of the time Pomni is lost in her thoughts. Pomni doesn't seem very open to conversate with Ragatha because of her fears. But this isn't unwarranted, Ragatha literally calls the situation from the day before a “doozy” which brings up the fact that Ragatha constantly dismisses important issues, saying that they should just forget about the situation that happened the day before when Pomni left her for the exit. I understand that she’s trying to ease the tension between them, but I fear she might be making it even worse. Additionally, Ragatha dismissing a very important issue like that makes Pomni’s fears stronger, it may seem to Pomni that Ragatha doesn’t care…
When it’s actually the opposite! The whole episode she tries her best to motivate Pomni (“look, Pomni. We’re already friends with the princess!”, “So, Pomni, I’m sure there’s some way you could help out here.”)
and she’s also very concerned for Pomni when she’s gone (“...Pomni’s still on board!”, “Oh man, Poor Pomni. I hope she's alright.”, “I’m more worried she’s having another horrible experience.”, “Pomni! Are you okay?”)
However, all these remarks could be seen as condescending from Pomni’s perspective… And on the other hand, Ragatha feels like Pomni blames her for the situation, and that Pomni dislikes her.
Returning to the topic of Pomni’s fears, a lot of this is also reflected in her conversation with Gummigoo:
—
G:“I don’t matter in the slightest. I’m nothing. My life, my memories… my friends… it’s all fake.”
P:“...I think I know the feeling.”
P:“...I guess I just don't want you to feel like you’re nothing. I don’t want anyone to feel like that.”
G:“But I'm not even a real person. Would I even belong?”
P:“I’m sure you wouldn’t belong any less than me.”
—
Pomni relates to Gummigoo’s fears!! And Pomni is so compassionate and understanding too! …sadly their friendship didn’t last very long… and that brings us back to Ragatha and Pomni. Ragatha tries her best to be reassuring… unfortunately that didn’t work either. AND THIS WHOLE INTERACTION IS JUST- OH MY GOD... LET ME PUT A HUGE EMPHASIS ON THEIR BODY LANGUAGE HERE:
Also the WORDING HERE:
and this scene ooohhhhhhh,,,,,,,, this scene...!!
POMNI IS REASSURED ONCE SHE SEES THAT THE CIRCUS MEMBERS DO CARE. THEY WOULD CARE. HER FEARS DISSAPEAR AND AND- ohhhhmy god this is so sick and twisted.. this ep was.. soooooo good. holy smokes. anyways thank you for listening to my TED talk.
#[rant]#[ooc]#tadc#the amazing digital circus#digital circus#pomni#tadc pomni#the amazing digital circus pomni#pomni tadc#ask blog#analysis#tadc spoilers#tadc episode 2#ragatha tadc#pomni x ragatha#ragatha x pomni#tadc ragatha#the amazing digital circus ragatha#gummigoo#tadc ep 2#finally i let it out#buttonblossom#ragapom#jesterdoll#let them talk omg..#their tension is still not resolved#hooowever i feel like Pomni will feel more open to talk to Ragatha now#soon... soon they will.
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I have a request: insecure s/o is feeling down about their appearance, chubbyness and overthinking too much. Yandere preferable Silas/Dr. Kry is trying their best to comfort them ( 〃▽〃)
Silas & Dr Kry drabbles: darling feeling insecure about their appearance
Yandere!mafia x reader x yandere!doctor
Warnings: talking about weight, insecurity about appearance
A/N: I tried my best to not go into it too much because I know that it can be sensitive. I've tried to focus more on the comfort part<3
Silas
He opens the door too quickly. You flinch and try to hurry to wipe your tears. Wasn't he supposed to be out on a mission?
"I forgot my fucking keys-", he starts, but cuts himself off. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing", you whisper with your head turned away, hoping that he won't see your tear stained cheeks.
"Don't 'nothing' me, sweetheart. I fucking know when something's up."
He walks over to you and crouch down next to you on the floor. You flinch in fear and try to twist your head away, but he grabs it in his rough hand.
"Why are you crying, baby?" he asks , wiping your cheek with his thumb. "Tell me."
"I don't look good", you whisper in shame. You've been drowning yourself in the thoughts for so long that saying them out loud makes you embarrased. Escpecially when Silas looks at you with that look in his eyes — mezmerized by you.
He can't believe what you're saying, has to have a doubletake. "What?"
"... I don't look good."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
He rises to his feet and pulls you up on your feet, forcing you in front of the mirror.
"Do you see this?" he asks, gesturing with his hand towards you. "What about this does not look good?"
"My- ... my ... everything."
His jaw drops. "You've lost it. Little thing, you're absolutely magical? I can't even believe that you are real sometimes, and you dare think like this? I don't ever want to hear you talk shit again, not about my husband/wife, do you hear that?"
New tears blur your vision. You try to hold in the sob, but it aches throughout you. Silas turns you around and hugs you tightly as you cry against his collar bone.
"You're absolutely perfect", he tells you and strokes your back. "I don't want anything else than what I'm holding in my arms right now, do you understand that? I don't ever want you to think these idiotic thoughts again. I love you so much, for fuck sake. Oh, it hurts me to see you so upset. Baby ... you know what, I'll stay home tonight, my second in command will have to take my place. I can't let you be alone when you're mean to yourself. I will make sure that you know about how perfect you are until you believe me ... I don't care if that takes a week straight."
Dr Kry
"Doctor?" you ask quietly.
"Yes?" he asks and looks up from his check up list.
"Can we not ... check the weight today?"
He frowns. "Why?"
You squirm and avoid eye contact. Dr Kry sighs and puts down the paper on his desk.
"Have you been thinking things you shouldn't while I haven't been in your room?" he asks suspiciously. "In that case I want you to tell me now so that I can fix it."
"I don't like myself", you mumble and tug at your hospital gown. "How can I feel good when I look like this?"
"That's what it's about. I see." He takes your hands in his. "Y/N, look at me."
You glance up at his blue eyes through tears.
"Listen to me when i tell you this", he starts and wipes your tears, "you are perfectly good right where you are, okay? If the hospital gown makes you feel worse I will get you some pajamas or sweatset, okay?"
"It's not just that. My body ..."
"Oh, stop it. There's nothing wrong about your weight, Y/N. Nothing at all. Nothing wrong about you at all ... well, besides the reason why you are in the hospital. But nothing wrong about you aestethically. Personally, I think you are very attractive."
You blink in disbelief. "What? No."
Dr Kry smiles halfly. "Yes, I do. Listen, I don't want you thinking such nonsense about yourself, okay? And if you ever do, I want you to tell me so that I can reassure you of how good you are. You have nothing to worry about, this is all in your head, okay? Say it with me. 'It's all in my head'."
"It's all in my head ..."
"Good job."
To your surprise, he hugs you. The doctor who hates physical contact, actually hugs you.
"I know that the hours in here can become long and repetitive, but you mustn't let it affect how you think about yourself, okay? I think that you are absolutely perfect the way you are. You don't have to change anything."
He squeezes you tighter, persistent that he will make you see yourself the way he sees you — absolutely magnificent.
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere imagines#yandere drabbles#yandere oc x you#yandere mafia#yandere oc x reader#yandere doctor#yandere drabble
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Can we just talk about the fact that Buck has always gone above and beyond for everyone in his life?
And how having someone else be there for him is a huge fucking deal?
Buck has such a deep-seated fear of abandonment, and the show has made it so REAL, given his childhood, and i pray the writers put our boy back in therapy to address it. Clearly, the Buckley parents hardly showed affection towards Buck as a child, even to the extreme of cutting off an emotional connection to ultimately help them bury their grief over Daniel. And Buck could feel this. A tiny child who just wants to be loved "anyway" and has lived his entire life in fear that any future physical and emotional relationships he finds will always abandon him because it's literally all he knows.
Buck has always craved a connection to something. Whether it's with his sister, at jobs, with friends, with romantic partners... he approaches everything and everyone in his life like they're this brand new amazing piece of his charred. scattered puzzle.
And, still, everyone has either left him, made him feel like the problem or a burden, or told him he's not good enough.
And we know he values his family (both blood and found) above everything else around him.
But like, who does it for him?
I'm not saying the 118, Maddie, or past LIs haven't been there for him, but, at one point in time, they've all made him feel some type of way during their relationship with him. Whether it was completely accidental or not.
Yes, even Eddie, who called him exhausting and shut Buck out of his life when it came to the underground fighting. Even after Eddie left the 118 and was struggling with his PTSD. And I'm not saying Eddie is a dick for all that. He was having a bad time. I'm just saying he can't really understand Buck in that way.
And that's okay.
Eddie, along with everyone else in Buck's life, is there for him in their own special way that helps make Buck learn from past mistakes and become a better person.
But then he meets Tommy.
Someone who went above and beyond, putting both his job and his life on the line by flying Hen, Chim, Eddie and Buck out to search for a cruise ship in the middle of a hurricane.
And that has to impress the shit out of Buck. Which is why there is an immediate attraction and need to get to know this man. Buck feels drawn to him because maybe, just maybe, the pieces broken inside himself could ultimately match up to those within Tommy.
Buck can't stop thinking about Tommy because no one else he's ever dated has treated Buck with this amount of attention or makes him feel secure in the fact that his feelings matter.
And yeah, Tommy ended their first date early, and I know some people didn't appreciate that, but you also have to understand that Tommy has feelings too. We don't canonically know Tommy's story, but I'm confident he's broken inside by the same insecurities that Buck has.
So, Buck realizing that his actions on the date weren't right and deciding to put everything on the line to Tommy?
We aren't dealing with the same Buck from S6 who thought Natalia saw him because he died.
No.
Buck sees Evan. He sees himself and the life he's ready to live.
And finally, he's making himself a priority.
He's not basing this relationship on Tommy or what anyone else thinks. He's pursuing this relationship for himself and for the first time... it's his time.
And Tommy just keeps showing up for it.
He doesn't ridicule Buck on wanting to throw Chim a bachelor party that wasn't wanted. He stays as long as he can before getting called into work. And I'm willing to bet that the man didn't even eat anything because Buck said they had to wait for Chim.
And those looks!
The kicked puppy look that Buck gives Tommy says so much. There's a sadness that he failed at throwing a successful bachelor party, I mean, Chim didn't even show up. There's a sudden concern that the guy he likes is going to a fire that most likely is highly dangerous and large considering they called him in for it.
Tommy gives him a look that shows he understands all of the feelings that Buck is struggling with in that moment. And then he goes on to promise that he will try his best to make it to the wedding.
And you can tell that Buck doesn't believe that. Why would Tommy even consider coming back for Buck? Hell, maybe there wasn't even a fire. Maybe Tommy just created an easy out for an awkward situation.
But I like to believe that Tommy checked in with Buck periodically, and then when he found out that Chim was missing, his texts came in more frequently as his job would allow.
And im sure at one point, Buck told him that he didn't need to come. That he was off the hook because the wedding was at the hospital. No free food or chance of that dance.
Only, Tommy assures him he'll still be there.
And, holy shit, for the first time in Buck's life, someone has kept their word above all else.
Tommy shows up, dirty, exhausted, still in his uniform, hitching a ride on the firetruck or one of those ambulances parked outside, looking both concerned and apologetic.
But all Buck sees is the guy he's crazy about showing up all because Buck wanted him to.
And I just think that's really fucking huge.
#apparently im a rambler#hope it makes sense#if not oh wellz i guess#911 spoilers#911 abc#evan buckley#911 fandom#bucktommy#tommy kinard#911 speculation#i don't know what this is actually
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Sorry I've taken so long to address this, I've had a very busy day and didn't have time to finish this post (which I started yesterday).
I'm talking, of course, about the incredibly controversial situation surrounding DD right now. I've gotten some messages about it so I figured I'd give my thoughts in a bigger post so that I don't have to keep repeating myself.
(CW: racism, spoilers FPU)
I know that by now most people are aware of the situation, but I'm going to start from square one for those who are just catching up on the topic.
There is a scene in Formed Police Unit where Chinese UN peacekeeping troops need to rescue a group of citizens who are surrounded by terrorists. In order to accomplish this they disguise themselves as people from the community. This being Africa, the troops were disguised using blackface.
Yes, I am saying that DD and his castmates appear in the film in blackface.
I am not going to post a picture of that here. It's just something I can't post on my blog. I understand that many of you will want to see for yourself so I'll link a clip of the scene, which was posted on Weibo. Please be aware before clicking - this is full-on blackface. Always take care of yourselves, and if you think it might be upsetting to you don't click. You don't need to see it to be a 'good fan'.
Background
For those who may not know, this movie was filmed years ago, in 2021. During those years I have seen many anti attacks against DD, claiming that he is racist and has worn blackface. Here's the photo that was circulating back then.
At the time I thought the makeup that he was wearing was likely anti-reflective black paint or camouflage paint such as is used by snipers (which he played in the film). I assumed that he was wearing his own hoodie over part of a military costume, because he was wearing a cammo shirt and what might have been combat trousers.
I was certainly not expecting full-on blackface from this movie.
There's no getting around it - this is extremely difficult to look at.
Blackface is widely viewed as offensive and racist. It shouldn't be hard to understand why. Putting on another person's ethnicity like a costume is deeply insensitive, particularly when you consider that BIPOC (black, indigenous, and other people of color) are so frequently targeted, exploited and marginalized. For those in positions of privilege and power to put on the appearance of the people who they oppress and exploit... it's just shocking and awful.
Blackface is most frequently talked about in an American context, but it's actually a problem globally - including in China. More on all that here.
The film
I have not actually seen the film, so I don't know much about the context beyond what is being discussed in the fandom. As I said earlier, in the film a group of UN police officers need to infiltrate an area in the community and take on disguises in order to do so.
In promotional media this film is being presented as based on true stories from real missions*. It seems the situation in question really happened on a Chinese peacekeeping mission, and the UN troops disguised themselves as black citizens in order to infiltrate and extract the endangered captives.
*I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt on this because it doesn't change how I feel it should have been handled.
This is important context that is being conveniently left out of much of the backlash about this situation. People are outright claiming that DD plays a black person in the movie - that he wore blackface to perform a role that a black actor could have played. This simply isn't true, and people making these claims are antis and liars. There's simply no excuse for not knowing the full context.
Having said that, I don't really think it matters how it ended up in the film. I do not think there is such a thing as a palatable or appropriate use of blackface. In this day and age it is nearly universally understood to be racist, and it's extremely controversial.
I can understand if they were trying to be accurate to the mission that they were portraying, but surely there are other ways they could have accomplished this scene (perhaps with the clothing but not the blackface). 'Historical accuracy' isn't as important as cultural sensitivity, not by any stretch of the imagination. In the interest of respecting audiences they could have adapted the scene to make the use of blackface unnecessary.
I really see no excuse for anything like this in 2024.
Audience reactions
Chinese sensibilities around these topics are very different from what we are used to in the West.
According to fan repos audiences initially didn't recognize any of the actors, and once it became apparent that they were in disguise, laughter erupted around the room. In fact, most fans are laughing a lot at the photos and video even on social media (although some Chinese netizens have been upset by it and have voiced complaints to various stakeholders).
It is also being widely discussed on Chinese social media as an exciting scene of heroism in the film.
I feel the need to point out that the laughter and mockery is a huge part of the harm, here. As if it's not bad enough that these actors are performing in blackface and presenting a perversion of black ethnicity, it also becomes an opportunity for audiences to mock and disrespect black people. It's become an opportunity for social media to be filled with racist jokes and mockery.
Roadshow statements
There have been some clips circulating of PR and roadshow moments with black cast members and some black audience members who have spoken up in support of the film and to thank the cast and crew for telling the story. Here's one example.
International fans have been dismissing those statements as ignorant or coerced, which I think is offensive and deeply fucked up. There's no planet on which I'm going to - with a totally straight face - say that a black person's response to the movie is not legitimate just because it doesn't comport with my own view.
This is a complex issue and there are inevitably going to be a lot of different perspectives. I hope people won't exacerbate the problem by supplanting black voices on this issue with their own, no matter what's being said. If there's any manipulation going on, let's assume it was in their choosing supportive black figures to speak for the film rather than claim that the black spokespeople are insincere.
China has a lot of issues with racism, there's no doubt about it. It's a huge part of why so many people try to whiten their skin, or why they mock each other when their skin gets tanned/darker. There is a lot of sinister, fucked up stuff going on in China around race - both in the country and in their dealings with other countries.
But we can't claim to speak for black people in China, particularly when they are speaking for themselves! I would hope this is extremely obvious!
Where's DD in all this?
It's understandable that bystanders will react to what they're seeing and might immediately deem it unacceptable - and DD along with it. Their reactions are valid, but as fans I hope that we can look at him with a bit more empathy. I hope that we can take a moment to try to see things from his perspective.
DD has been interested in and an avid fan of black culture since he was a small child. We've all seen how much he immerses himself in hip hop, street dance and the accompanying music and fashion. And yes, he's been accused of cultural appropriation in the past for wearing locs and durags.
However, I think fans need a bit of perspective here to get a sense of where DD might be coming from. Here's a guy who loves black culture, who has close friends who are black, who regularly works with black artists and who supports black artists, in a culture where racism against black people is prevalent and often extreme.
I think DD would probably be amazed to hear the accusations of racism against him. He likely has very few people in his orbit who are anywhere near as supportive of or as closely connected to black people as he is. He likely stands out in his circle as being particularly into black culture and connected with black artists, and probably regularly faces ignorant questions or digs from people around him about his close association with black artists and culture.
Not just because of racism alone, but also due to the racist parallels the government tends to draw between black culture, street dance, hip hop, etc. and criminality/moral degradation*. It's likely that ignorant people in his orbit have expressed concern or wariness toward him because of these associations.
*That is, until breakdancing became an Olympic sport, then they were suddenly onboard with some of it.
I'm not saying that he doesn't have a lot of learning to do (and if this situation becomes what I think it might become, he'll have a big opportunity to do so), I'm just saying that his ignorance isn't mean-spirited. He's coming at this from a totally different angle than any of us are, and he is immersed in a totally different cultural perspective than our own. In his world, his interest likely makes him a bit of an anomaly.
So those painting him as a horrible racist... it's just not how I see it.
The element of choice
I've heard many people say that DD 'didn't have any choice' about this role, that turning it down would not have been an option or that he would be under some kind of threat if he didn't take this role. I don't agree with that characterization of things. I don't think it's quite as 'gun to the head' as a lot of fans paint it.
I think it's more likely that he simply didn't realize that the role would involve blackface when he accepted it, or that he thought that blackface in this context - to infiltrate a terrorist cell and save civilians - would be fine. We don't need to depict China as forcibly compelling actors to take unwanted roles if we want to make sense of this. There are simpler, more logical explanations.
DD wouldn't have been the one deciding how to depict the scene - he didn't have that power in 2021 - but I also doubt he would have had a major problem with it given everything we know.
We must overcome our Western tendency to see things only from our own perspective. This has a totally different cultural context in China, and the voices we listen to about it should not be issuing exclusively from white faces that are not at ground zero of this situation.
Final thoughts
This film has had me worried from day one. I think most people have been expecting it to be full of offensive portrayals and propagandistic fuckery. There are so many ways in which a Chinese film about the UN is potentially a sticky, tricky mess. This blackface thing is likely just one problem on a towering pile of problems.
However, I'm not going to sugarcoat this - this has the potential to be a real shitshow for DD, and I am concerned. Especially if this film gets an international release.
We need to brace ourselves, because I don't think this is going to just disappear. DD has endorsements with international brands, and this could definitely cause backlash for those brands unless the issue is addressed and the scenes removed. There's no planet on which brands like Chanel and Lacoste can afford to have one of their spokespeople plastered everywhere in blackface.
If this film gets an international release and those scenes are left intact, it's possible he will lose some brands.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that, but let's face it - things like this have consequences, and that's why it's so important for producers and artists to be sensitive about what they're portraying.
While I think there's some endorsement risk here for DD, and the potential loss of some international fans, I want to be clear about one thing: I don't think this will threaten his career overall. In China this just isn't an issue in the way it is internationally.
I do hope the film team addresses this issue in some way, ideally by removing the scenes. They just finished doing a massive edit to remove ZZH from the film, surely they can handle something like this. But let's not hold our breath...
Everyone has the right to make up their minds about DD. As I've often said, being a turtle isn't for the faint of heart. That's not just because turtles are frequent targets for bullies, or because we have to constantly live with uncertainty and doubt.
Being an international turtle also isn't for the faint of heart because there are a lot of cultural and political minefields to navigate, and many ideological differences to adapt to. There's a huge learning curve and a lot of unknowns, and turtles who want to survive have to make peace with the fact that we and the boys are from different worlds in many ways. We may never know where they really stand on issues that are important to us.
However, in this case I feel confident that I know where DD's heart is on this issue. He simply doesn't hold hatred, disrespect or disdain for black people. Quite the contrary.
I think we'd all just feel a lot better if he had a good grasp on how to be a better ally.
And while we're waiting for that, I think we should put our money where our mouths are and learn more about these issues ourselves, both in China and locally at home. We want DD to be a better person; let's be better people too.
#bjyx#yizhan#ggdd controversies#please rebloggers don't tag with his name or the name of the film#i don't want this outside the turtle circle - the fan wars are horrific
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BARCA FEMENI X TEEN READER PT 1
'when are you going to grow up' was on of the main things that was said to you during your time so far at Barca. Being 17 and the youngest on the team and the most cheekiest, pulling pranks regularly causing the rest of the team to get fairly annoyed. Although they couldn't get that annoyed with you, being viewed as the team baby it was safe to say they all had a soft spot for you. It wasn't just the fact that you still had braces or that you wore glasses most of the time, making you look like a child, it was your personality that they considered you a child for. Everyday you would come to training bubbling with excitement and muck around and make jokes with the girls, always having a smile on your face. Even though you were nearly an adult, that's not how your teammates treated you, always telling you to grow up after pulling a harmless prank or if you were to complain about something.
You remember the day at training where you really thought about what they said, after getting a scolding for tying mapi's shoelaces together for the 5th time that week, causing her to fall over every time. Alexia talked to you sternly, a pouting mapi standing behind her along with the rest of the team leaving you sitting boredly in your cubby.
"2 laps, now." she says coldly making the girls behind her laugh.
"w-what no, that's child abuse!" you say as you spring to your feet.
"now." she says again, you groan loudly before slowly walking out the change rooms alone. You quickly turn around and head back towards the changerooms after forgetting your water bottle, that's when you started overthinking.
"i can't wait for her to grow up" Mapi says teasingly with a laugh.
"aren't teenagers supposed to start maturing when there younger than 17?" lucy says jokingly causing the whole team to start laughing, they start talking again in spanish which you still can't understand. Not being taught or practicing over your time with the team.
You stood just outside the door, overhearing what they had all said. You knew you acted like a child most the time, but that was just you having fun. That's when you decided you needed to change, if the team thought of you as a child then you needed to start acting your age. You all had a few week break coming up, not to mention your 18th birthday happened to be mid way through, making you an official adult.
You thought about it more as you ran your laps, not realizing the team was only just walking out onto the pitch. With your mind working in overdrive you came up with a plan to change the way you acted and hopefully be as grown up as they expect you to be. You missed the confused glances being sent your way as you started running a third lap without realizing.
"y/n!" someone calls out, you don't register the yelling until your close to finishing the lap.
"i said two laps pequeña!" alexia's voice breaks you out of your trance as you start slowing down.
"oh uh sorry!" you call out with a fake smile, making your way to find a water bottle.
The rest of training consists of you running circles around the team, making the most of annoying them with your childish behavior until you completely change over break.
Once training ends you all walk back towards the changerooms, you break out into a run once you spot mapi.
"Mapi!" you yell as you jump onto her back causing her to slightly stumble but still catch you with a smile.
"i'm going to miss you" you say as you cling onto her back like a koala.
"it's only a few weeks pequeña" she says with a laugh as she drops you off at your cubby, causing you to cross your arms and pout.
"Ingrid and i can come over during break if it makes you feel any better" she says with a teasing smile.
"hmmm no. i wont miss you to the point you come to my house invited" you say with a smirk causing her to gasp. The couple usually showing up to your house unannounced as you live by yourself, obviously not entirely convinced that you can manage taking care of of yourself well enough.
"wowwwww i see how it is y/n" ingrid appears with an offended look as she starts tickling you. You laugh loudly grabbing the attention of the whole team as they start videoing the interaction, you get away quickly and run behind Ona.
"Alright that's enough" Alexia calls with a slight smile.
"Y/n, Ingrid stop being children and act your age" Alexia says again, causing ingrid to gasp.
"me?! Y/n's 17 and acts like she's 10 years old, and yet i'm acting like a child" ingrid says with a fake offended look.
Your smile falters a bit as ingrid speaks, not enough for it to be noticeable though. Your sick of being told you don't act your age, even when your just having fun. But that was going to change, once break was over they'll have nothing to complain about.
Saying goodbye to everyone you left the club and made your way home. Break had officially started and so did your plan.
Over the weeks a lot had changed, more than what you thought would. You ended up getting your braces off, your shined new white teeth making you look older already, also considering you turned 18 that same week. Now being an official adult. You also got rid of your glasses aswell, opting to wear contact lenses instead, you ended up going on a shopping spree and buying new clothes aswell. Changing from wearing hoodies, shirts and pants to jackets, crop tops and jeans. Knowing the team wouldn't approve of how much skin you would be showing.
Your appearance wasn't the only thing that changed aswell. It was safe to say that you matured a lot, your personality being the opposite compared to the last time you saw the team. You didn't joke around as much and stayed focused on what you were doing with no distractions. You didn't complain about things and instead got them done, your old bubbly teen self being replaced with a calm and matured adult. Being very productive over the few weeks and ready to get back to training, you didn't talk to the girls that much during break. Sending an odd text here and there but mostly being radio silent. You didn't even post on instagram which the girls thought was really concerning considering you usually spam it any second something interesting happened.
You woke up early on the first day after break, having to go to the club for a team meeting to go over new training schedules, meaning you could dress casual and go home right after.
Slowly getting out of bed and having a shower, choosing to wear a grey tank top that barley covers you stomach along with a pair of denim jeans. choosing a beige cardigan over top to cover the few tattoos you got on the day of the birthday with friends. Putting on some light make up and contact lenses in you style your hair down and get ready to leave.
(outfit)
(fine line tattoos)
"is the child still not here yet?" Ona says as she takes a seat next to lucy, being one of the last players to arrive. She's met with a few 'no's' as alexia speaks next.
"Did anyone visit y/n over break" she says with a curious look.
"Nah she was always busy with something, never had the time apparently" Mapi says deep in thought.
"That's strange, she normally jumps at the chance to have anyone over" lucy say with a confused look on her face.
"yeah she didn't text or post as much as usual aswell" Ingrid speaks up.
The room bursts into a conversation about your unusual behavior, it comes to a stop once the door opens.
"hola, perdon por llegar tarde" you say fluently, turns out you were actually a really fast learner and spanish just came easy to you.
The rooms falls dead silent as they all look at you shocked, all their mouths are hung open as they take in your new look. You make your way to your reserved seat between alexia and Lucy. Sat between them to make sure you payed attention and didn't muck around, although that wouldn't be a problem now.
"sorry? am i seeing things, you look strange" mapi mutters loud enough for everyone to hear.
"no i would hope not, but thanks i think?" you say calmly as you sit down and pull out your phone, if she were to say that weeks ago you would've retaliated and insulted her for commenting on the way you looked. It surprised them aswell, normally you would've acted out and been dramatic but seeing you not react was really something.
Before they could ask anymore questions the meeting had started, putting your phone away quickly and already paying attention you sat silently. Everyone sends each other confused and shocked glances as normally alexia would have to fight for your phone and force you to pay attention. It was shocking to everyone that you sat through a whole hour meeting, without saying a word and getting distracted the whole time.
The meeting had finally ended, you yawned and ran a hand through your hair, feeling the eyes of the team all on you.
"sooo y/n, how was break?" lucy was first to speak up.
"Yeah it was alright, what about you?" you asks genuinely with a small smile. Normally you would get over excited and ramble about every little thing you did throughout break, your short answer took them all by suprise.
"yeah, yeah it was good" lucy says taken aback.
"That's good" you say as you give her a charming smile before looking down at your phone, you quickly look up though as you hear a gasp and someone grips your chin, tilting your head up.
"The baby got her braces off!" Mapi says as she squeezes your cheeks, trying to get a better look at your teeth. soon enough the whole teams crowding you trying to get a look at your smile.
"i'm not a baby anymore mapi, i'm 18!" you say with a laugh, swatting her hands away causing her to pause and look at you with a horrified expression.
"No, you're 17. A child." she corrects you in disbelief.
" i turned 18 a few weeks ago, i'm officially an adult" you say smugly.
"You didn't tell us we missed your birthday!" Ingrid yells shocked, causing everyone to gasp.
"pequeña your supposed to tell us these things!" alexia speaks up with a guilty look on her face causing you to shrug.
"why? It's just a birthday, not that important" you say casually. Everyone looks at you with concerned and shocked expressions, your birthday was the one day of the year you were the most childish. Continuesly talking with a smile on your face, demanding attention and letting every person you see know it was your birthday.
Before they could talk to you more about it your phone rang, looking at the caller ID you try to fight back a smile, the whole team noticing how you smiled at the call.
"hola Jacob" you say with a smile, you kinda forget your in a room full of over protective teammates.
"Estoy bien gracias, ¿qué pasa?" you say after a few seconds.
"¿donde es la fiesta?" you ask curiously.
Alexia's curious look now turns stern at the mention of a party, so does the rest of your teammates.
"Sí, vale, ¿volveremos a tu casa o a la mía después?" you say with a cheeky smile.
It's like a switch flipped after you said that sentence. Them understanding that you were going to a party, with a boy. Instantly knowing what you were referring to when asking whose house to go to after the party.
"Ok adios, te amo" you say in a quiet voice hanging up the phone, you get lost in your thoughts for a minute, getting interrupted by a cough. You look up to be met with the teams cold glares, totally forgetting they were there you gulp.
"no" is all Alexia says
"huh what?" you look at her confused
"your not going to a party with a boy" she says crossing her arms sternly.
"And your not going to his house after" lucy mirrors alexia's expression as she stands infront of you.
You laugh a bit before standing up and stretching your arms, looking at them with a casual expression.
"yeah okay" you say yawning, typing away on your phone.
"we mean it pequeña, your to young for a boyfriend." Ingrid speaks up followed by mapi.
"especially to young to spend a night with a boy aswell" she says with a disgusted look.
"fine i won't go" you say with a sigh.
""wait really?" ona asks, not entirely convinced.
"yeah, i'll go to his house now instead" you say with a wink as you turn around and start walking towards the door.
"adios" you wave as you walk out.
You hear yelling from behind you along with a stampede of footsteps towards your car. Finally stepping out of the building and into the hot weather you take your cardigan off. Revealing both more skin and your new tattoos.
"Y/N WHAT IS THAT?!" Lucy yells as she runs up to you and grabs your arm just as you were about to open your car doors.
"That seems to be my arm Luce" you say sarcastically as she and the rest of the girls inspect your tattooed arm with shocked and angry expressions.
"When did you get these?!" Alexia speaks up mad.
"when i got sick of you all telling me to grow up and stop being a child" you say as you roll your eyes and sit in the drivers seat of your car, rolling down the window so you can still talk to them.
It suddenly clicks now, your new change has been to show them that you can act your age. That you're not a child anymore and shouldn't be treated like one.
"well if you excuse me, im going to get laid, you know, since i'm an adult and can make my own decisions. No permission needed." You say with a fake smile as you start reversing your car, making sure not to accidentally hit any of your teammates. You watch as their expressions darken and there left there shocked by your new attitude, driving down the street to somewhere they don't know the location of, for once.
That's what you thought, being the baby of the team they all had your location on there phones. knowing where u were 24/7 and making sure you weren't getting lost or had been kidnapped.
"stalk her location, we need to save her innocence while we still can!" Mapi yells quickly as she starts running towards her car. Everyone trailing behind and getting in their own cars to track you down.
Although you may look more grown up and officially be classed as an adult, you were still the baby of the team, and your teammates were still as overprotective as what they were before you had changed.
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