#i'm a bit unsatisfied with this but i can always post more
Text
GOLDEN HOUR (M)
PAIRING | mean dom!mark x reader ft. hyuck (briefly)
SYNOPSIS | the kitchen isn't for cooking, didn't you know?
WC | 1.8k
WARNINGS | oral fem receiving, cocky!mark, jealous!mark, some golden hour inspired dialogue, kitchen sex (a bit)
A.N | i haven't posted anything in a while but after the concert (and the release of his song) i needed to write about him <3 send feedback, and enjoy
the kitchen counter digs into the skin of your back but you don't even notice. all your thoughts are directed to the lips suckling your clit. hands push at your legs, grabbing and pulling the soft flesh apart so he can taste more of you.
"m-mark, fuck. thats- that's good, just like that."
from on his knees, your boyfriend looks up at you, tongue still swirling around your clit. he hums something sweet and the vibrations send you into a frenzy.
clutching the back of his head, you thread your fingers in his long, black hair and tug him closer. he can't go anywhere so really you just end up rocking your hips into his jaw.
he doesn't mind because fuck, you taste so good. so fucking good, and it's all his - you're all his. no one else can have you. not even that boy haechan. the one who's always trying to hang out with you. the one that's currently on his way over to you and marks shared apartment.
the food you were cooking for the three of you is left on the stove, all but forgotten thanks to your boyfriend.
you didn't even have time to greet him when he opened the front door. he immediately made a beeline for you after dropping his bags on the kitchen table.
sweet lips attached themselves to your neck, dark bruises blooming in their wake. his hands were urgent, needy - desperately pulling at the large sweater covering your frame from his greedy eyes.
"let me taste you." he had asked, dropping to his knees and pressing his fingers to your panties.
you had dropped the spoon back into the pot of spaghetti sauce, "right here?"
his eyes never left yours, not even when he hooked his fingers into the waistband and began to pull the lace down your thighs, "right here."
now you were all but clambering up on top of the marble countertops, trying to squirm away from your boyfriends prodding tongue.
"stop moving." he mumbles, fingers pressing bruises into your hips to keep you in place. "unless you want me to stop."
"n-no don't stop. mark, if you stop i swear to god i'll-"
he pinches the inside of your thigh which makes you yelp in surprise, "you'll what baby?"
sitting back on his heels, he moves his hand to replace his tongue and draws small, agonizing circles with him thumb over your folds - just barely brushing your clit.
"if i stop eating this pretty pussy, i'm just gonna bend you over and fuck you on the counter."
two fingers dip into you, and involuntarily you clench around them.
"you'd like that huh?"
the question has a deep blush rushing up your spine, and you nod your head slowly - too focused on the way his breath is slowly ghosting over the skin of your belly now that he's leaned forward.
his fingers continue to pump in and out of you, and all the sensations were leaving you with a euphoric head high.
"yeah i bet you would baby." sharp teeth nip at the skin below your navel. "but what about your little friend that's coming over?"
your fingers dig into the marble so hard you're afraid you'll break it. "who? h-hyuck?"
"yeah-" he spits, "hyuck."
his fingers move faster now, building the tension that was lingering in your belly. again, his tongue darts out to lick at your exposed clit - though unsatisfied with the angle, mark grabs one of your legs and slings it over his shoulder.
now you were supporting your weight with one leg on the ground and both your hands gripping the countertops. despite the fear of falling, the action has you whimpering for your boyfriend.
"what would he say if we fucked on the very table he's about to eat on?" you can't even focus on his words, too caught up in the sensation of being split open on his thick fingers.
his hair is matted on his forehead when you look down at him. "why would we -"
mark pulls back, "it can be our little secret baby. he doesn't have to know - or maybe he does."
"mark-" you whine, wanting his lips back between your legs.
"cum for me first and then we'll talk about it." rhythmically, his fingers drive into you. "or i'll talk - i don't know, your mouth might be full." a satisfied hum leaves his lips when your head tilts back in ecstasy, "my turn first though."
and then he's back to suckling on the sensitive bundle of nerves. tongue swirling and licking and lapping at the arousal that leaks onto his hand and down his wrist.
you were so wet for him - so fucking perfect. and he ate it up like a starved man.
soon enough the incessant lapping of marks tongue, and his taunting words - "this sweet pussy is all mine yeah?" "don't want me to stop? fucking cum on my fingers then." has your body locking and doing just what he wants you to.
you ride out your high by grinding against his face, and he took it all. he loved watching you enjoy yourself. it meant he was doing his job right.
"felt good?" he murmurs as he gets up off the wooden floor.
you nod dizzily and fall into his embrace once both your feet were on the floor. who knew he could make you this weak?
"aw baby, don't tell me your done yet! we're just getting started." he frowns, circling his arms around your waist and pulling you flush again his body. something pokes at your stomach.
" i think you got a bit of a problem." you point out.
he smirks, lips attaching themselves to yours, before pulling back, "a really big problem." your eyes lock, his still clouded with lust, "you can help me solve it if you bend over the counter like we talked about."
"but babyy" you drawl, "hyucks gonna be here any minute."
mark grits his teeth and pokes the inside of his cheek before fluidly spinning you around and pressing your hips into the counter opposite of the one you were up on earlier. the bulge in his pants presses against the swell of your ass and somehow you end up arching back into him.
"i really don't give a fuck about that guy." the growl rips from his throat so low you almost miss it. "and you shouldn't even be thinking about him." he sighs almost comically, "i guess i didn't eat this pretty pussy good enough."
his fingers dip between your legs again to swirl around your swollen, overly sensitive clit.
"yes- you did." you whimper, legs shaking.
"then why is another man in your head, hm?"
mark didn't show his jealous side much, but when he did, you knew the next day you weren't walking anywhere. just from the snip in his voice, you knew tomorrow was going to be one of those days.
the sound of fumbling can heard from behind you and soon enough the blunt head of marks 'problem' is pressing up between your folds.
'maybe i should fuck the thought of him away - you think that would fix it?"
one of his hands snakes up your spine and grabs the back of your neck. out of the corner of your eye, you watch his bicep flex when he pushes you down flat against the cool marble. your nipples are stiff peaks against the glossed rock and it makes you shiver.
mark knocks your knees apart and pushes his cock into you; slowly at first. he needed you to feel the stretch - feel how big he really was - feel how hard you made him.
pfft. and you were thinking about another man.
"you think he can make you feel like this?" helplessly, you let mark rock his hips into you. erratic moans pour from your parted lips, "oh i know baby, i know it feels good. just take it okay? i know you can pretty girl. take it just like you did when i was devouring this pretty pussy." the lewd words dripping off his lips like honey leaves you spasming around him and scrambling on your tip toes. "ah, you liked that huh?" you go to shake your head but he tsks at you, "don't deny it now baby, your body gave you away."
"mark, f-faster please. i need you to go -"
"faster, i know baby. i'll fuck you real good in just a second. wanna get adjusted first."
from over his shoulder mark takes note of the time.
seven twenty eight.
"say, what time was your little friend supposed to show up?"
you can barely register his words, but through a dreamy, cloudy voice, you whimper out, "seven thirty."
like a string of fate, a knock sounds at the door. both you and mark jolt and look towards the white wood.
"punctual. of course he's punctual." mark seethes. "what do you say we give him a show? let him see just how much you truly care about him when i'm the one fucking you."
the idea is appealing, so appealing in fact that your body betrays you again. a gush of arousal floods around marks cock, making his shallow thrusts slippery.
"why are you being so-"
"because he can't have you. and i can't have him thinking he can."
another knock sounds and your phone laying just out of arms reach lights up with a text message from haechan.
"and you know what baby?" the question is saturated with a cockiness you've never heard from mark before.
you whimper, his hand snaking between your legs and flicking your puffy clit. "what?"
"i didn't lock the door." you gasp when he pinches the bundle of nerves, "so i think i'll just invite our little guest in, yeah?"
"yeah?" you breathe, dazed and fucked out and pliant.
"yeah." he solidifies it and reaches for the hem of his shirt. ripping it over his head, he flexes his biceps - some form of male competition forcing him to show off his girl and his muscles.
"okay baby, get ready to put on a show."
you nod, choosing to focus on the driving force between your legs instead of his words that ring out into the apartment air.
"It's unlocked! you can come in!"
tentatively, the handle turns and pushes open. a young man mark can only assume is haechan steps through the threshold. his doe eyes go wide when he takes in the scene before him.
"nice to meet you. i'm mark, the boyfriend. dinner might need to be postponed a bit."
a/n | did you like it? if you did, consider leaving me a like, a reblog, a review, or some feedback in my askbox :)
#mark lee smut#nct mark smut#nct mark lee smut#mark lee x reader#nct mark x reader#nct dream smut#nct smut#nct 127 smut#nct mark lee x reader#mark lee imagine
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Okay . What about pedro × reader
Hear me out ...
They are dating for a few months but keeping it a secret the reader is also an actress and in her new movie her Co star is into her and with the interviews everyone is talking about in in social media . So pedro gets jealous and show up at her work ... maybe they fight or idk . I'm not sure about the ending
Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Actress!reader
Summary: Pedro’s jealous of one of your co-stars
Warnings: a tiny bit of angst because I didn’t feel like doing a lot, and allusion to smut
A/n: why do yall like jealous Pedro so much!?
Pedro was not a jealous man, he knew you were his, just like he was yours.
He didn't mind the stares you'd attract from other men, he didn't mind the shameless flirting everyone always directed your way, and he didn't even mind having to see you kiss other men on screen... but there's a limit to everything.
He'd stumbled by accident in the comment section of your most recent post, a picture with the cast of the new movie you were shooting, and god if he wished he hadn't.
He meant to write a cute comment, because even though nobody knew about you two, nobody ever seemed to notice the borderline flirty words he'd leave under your pictures, and now he understood why.
He wasn't completely oblivious to the online conspiracies about you and Andrew, you had told him about it, about all the edits and fans and ships or whatever, however, there was a small detail you had forgotten to inform him about: the guy obviously liked you.
And who could blame him right?
Pedro. He could fucking blame him.
It didn't take long before he was furiously stalking his own girlfriend's Instagram.
you look stunning darling
Darling? When the fuck did he start calling you that?
I think I just had a heart attack
Oh, fuck off
And that wasn't even the worst part. Fuck no. The worst part was the fucking videos. the interviews. The way his eyes never left your fucking body. The way he touched your hand and lingered just enough for him to notice. the way he didn't even try to hide his pathetic attempts at flirting even when he knew he was being fucking filmed.
By the time Pedro shut his phone, he was ready to go have a “talk” with this guy
But first, he needed to see you. Now.
__ __ __
"God please if it's Gary tell him that I don't need to practice that scene again, I got it." you rolled your eyes as you instructed your assistant to open the trailer's door after hearing a knock.
"sure thing, but I don't think he can be so easily persuad-" her voice trailed off as she took in the man in front of her.
"Hi" she smiled at Pedro "It's-it's not Gary" she shot you a look.
"what, who is it?" you asked, momentarily forgetting the lipstick in your hand as you got up.
"Pedro?"
"hi sweetheart"
"what are you doing here?" you couldn't hide your confusion.
"Just wanted to see you," he said, entering the trailer.
"Oh," you smiled, before glancing at your assistant "I'm sorry Ana, could you give us a moment?"
"no problem, but remember you need to be on set in '15"
"yes ma'am" You joked, giving her a pretend salute.
She chuckled as she closed the door behind her.
"they have you on a tight schedule huh?" Pedro murmured, wasting no time before wrapping his arms around your back, forcing you flush against him.
"they do" you nodded, standing on your toes "So you're not gonna get what you came all this way for" you taunted, leaving a quick kiss on his lips.
He grunted, unsatisfied, and pulled you back for another kiss. This one much hungrier.
"Is that what you think I only think about?"
"well you don't make much of a case for yourself" you laughed softly.
"that's your fault" he breathed "If you weren't the most stunning woman on earth maybe I wouldn't be so all over you"
"maybe" you shrugged, lazily drawing patterns on his chest "Maybe not"
"I need to talk to you," he said, suddenly more serious.
A cloud of dread dropped onto you.
"oh," you murmured, taking a step back "about what?"
He looked around the place before finding your eyes again.
"I want to tell everyone"
You frowned
"I want to tell people we're together"
You were taken aback.
He was always the one opposed to it. He didn't want you to get caught in all the drama and gossip inevitably heading your way, no matter how many times you told him you didn't care.
"What?" you smiled "Why- I mean why now?"
"I want everyone to know you're mine. And I'm yours" he said " including Andrew"
You shot him a look "Andrew?"
"You didn't tell me he's obsessed with you"
"what? He's not"
"he is baby,"
"how would you even know?"
"I saw it"
"When? You've never met him"
"I saw the comments, and the interviews, and the videos"
"And you think just because in an interview he did what? made me laugh, he likes me?" you scoffed "That's ridiculous Pedro"
"I don't want to tell everyone we're together just because you're jealous of a guy I work with,"
"that's not why I want to tell sweetheart" he reassured you, taking a step towards you " I want everyone to know just how much I love you, that's why. And if that means that guys like Andrew will back off... even better"
"He's not into me" you insisted
A sly smile pulled at his lips "God baby, you really have no idea what you do to men, do you?"
"He's not into me."
"Sure" he mocked "and tell me, when was the last time he didn't do something you asked him?" He asked, moving some hair out of your face.
An almost comical silence spread through the room.
"That's what I thought" he nodded, using his fingers to raise your chin.
"Maybe he's just polite"
He leaned closer, his mouth ghosting yours "Or maybe he's just in love with my girl" he breathed a moment before kissing you deeply, one hand to the back of your neck and one to your ass.
"so what do you say?" he asked once you parted "You ready to tell the world?"
"Only if you are"
"oh you have no idea" he murmured, suddenly picking you up and pinning you against a wall.
A small gasp fled your lips, but he silenced it with a kiss.
"Pedro..." you warned him, tightening your legs' grip on his waist.
"they can wait" he read your mind "You're the start after all"
You couldn't help but laugh at that.
"you're a bad influence" you breathed, causing a smirk to land on his lips as he kissed your neck.
"sweetheart?" he suddenly asked
"Yeah?" you murmured, already out of breath.
"Whose trailer is next to this one?"
You paused a moment, pondering your options.
"Andrew's" you finally spoke, going for the truth “Why?”
By the look of it, that’s exactly what he wanted to hear.
“Baby,I think you know why”
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal x actress!reader#pedro pascal x fem reader#pedro pascal fic#pedro pascal fluff#pedro pascal x female reader#pedro pascal fanfic#pedro pascal fanfiction#joel miller#the last of us#tlou#the mandalorian#javier peña#pedro pascal x you#pedro pascal x y/n#pedro pascal smut#fluff#daddy pascal#pedro pascal blurb#pedro pascal imagine#pedrohub#Pedro Pascal#jose pedro balmaceda pascal#pedrito#pedro pascal one shot#Jelous!pedro pascal
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Hm? A note?
*opens the note and reads*
“I kindly request a Pheromones but with Tech with a mix of predator and prey into this nasty smut. But if you do not want to do this that is fine with me your majesty.”
Finally! Someone's asking me for unhinged Tech Smut 🔥🤩🔥🥵 I feel like I've waited for this one for years 😱
And I had so much trouble writing and editing my draft 😅😭
A lot of hours later: "I'm not happy with what I did here 😓
Warnings: SMUT/Sex Pollen Trope/Unhinged Tech/ Shy Tech Turning Feral/Dubious Consent(!11!1!!)/PiV/Oral/Groping/Biting/Pining/Pinning Down/Restraining/Plus Short Dirty Dream Sequence/Angsty/Creampie/Messy/Fluff (Believe it or not)18+
_____________
Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)
_____________
>Master List<
____________________
AC: This is very feral Tech, Reader is definitely having fun, but there are possible triggers, so mind the warnings!!! This one is dancing heavily on some very thin lines concerning consent and pleasure/pain. I wasn't even sure if I should post this. Guess there was a lot of pent-up smutty stuff left in my mind about this guy. Okay I tamed the original version down, a good bit, I think it was a tiny bit too much. But still, this is pretty messy.
Update: damn it, I changed this draft so often now, I don't know if it's still readable...
_____________________
Wrecker, who playfully bumps into his helmet, nearly knocks Tech off balance. Tech glares angrily at his brother through the lenses of his goggles, but finally sighs and turns back to his holopad.
Again and again, his gaze sneaks from his holopad to you, watching Hunter talk to you. Today, you and Tech are to complete a mission, just the two of you. A more or less simple exploration tour. His heart beats faster just thinking about it.
You've been traveling with CF99 for a while now, and Tech has had a crush on you practically since day one. You smell good, you're pretty, you're curious, and you always listen to him so intently. He's been blown away from the beginning by your little laugh, the smile, the way you talk, how your fingers move when you're lost in your thoughts.
Tech takes in so many little things, by now he knows so much about you, so many wonderful little things that he admires, almost idolizes. But as straightforward and logical as Tech actually is, he can be just as shy.
He hardly dares to exchange a word with you that has nothing to do with work, he hardly dares to look you in the face. So often he has dreamed of you, of touching, kissing and even more, things that have done wild things to his mind and hormones. But he can't bring himself to do it, just doesn't dare touch you. So many times he had been close to just gently touching your hand, or sliding a little closer when you were sitting next to each other, but each time he has backed down.
Tech wouldn't know how to deal with you, in theory he's already read everything there is to know about intimacy, romance and the like, but the practice is somehow so damn seductive but also so incredibly scary for him.
What if you reject him? What if he kisses you, and it's bad? What if you feel nothing when he kisses you? What if his touches leave you cold? What if he does something wrong, scares you away, or leaves you unsatisfied?
With all these questions, his guts tighten, and a heavy pressure builds on his chest. This is a challenge that can't necessarily be tackled with logic. Love doesn't really feel logical, but it feels intense, Tech thinks silently.
Another light bump against Tech's helmet snaps him out of his thoughts.
"Cut it out, Wrecker!"
"Come on, you two finally alone again? This time you have some guts!" the giant rumbles.
Tech hastily glances over at you, but you're still engaged in conversation with Hunter, then he looks at Wrecker and nervously waves his holopad around.
"Keep it down, Wrecker, she can't hear this!" he whispers energetically.
Wrecker rolls his eyes and laughs softly, "You're way too nervous, I think she likes you a lot too"
Tech pauses in his tense movement and asks, "Oh yeah, did she say anything?"
"No, but that one particular smile, she only smiles at you like that".
Tech's gaze darts back in your direction and that's when he sees it, that smile, his face gets all hot, and he hastily turns back to the holopad in his hands.
"You're such an idiot," Wrecker grumbles, "She's smiling heavenly at you, and you're staring at your holopad"
"Shut up, please, Wrecker," Tech says tensely.
The others are on their way, doing their jobs. Tech is finally alone with you. His knees are soft, he feels slightly shaky, and his pulse is permanently slightly elevated, but he's more in control than he suspected.
Tech puts on the helmet he customized for you and says, "This helmet has an air filter, just like mine. We don't know what to expect yet, so we'll play it safe."
He explains as you look at him questioningly through the visor. He can't really see your face, but he always senses when you look at him. Actually he is annoyed about the helmet, just because he can't see your beautiful face, but Tech also wants to protect you and when you are moving among unknown flora and fauna, this helmet is actually indispensable.
"Okay," you say, groping for the helmet with both hands, an unfamiliar feeling.
"Don't take the helmet off outside, please," Tech says gently but firmly, "We don't know much about the plants and animals in the area yet"
You give him a thumbs up and say, "Okay, got it. We're good to go as far as I'm concerned"
Along the way, you carefully take some samples of various plants, take holo-images of the environment, and look at various species of animals from a safe distance. You listen with fascination as Tech comments on some of your observations. It's so nice to spend time alone with him, you like the way he looks out for you.
You discover a cave that is riddled with glowing crystals and mushrooms. You put on your gloves because Tech told you to.
"We'd better not touch anything with our bare hands for now," he notes.
You nod and reply, "Sounds reasonable."
With a gloved finger, you poke a neon-red glowing, thick mushroom, which then begins to blink and emit a thin cloud of spores.
Tech leans over and says, "See, this is why we have the helmets, we don't know what these spores might do, hallucinations, fevers, toxic reactions..."
You nod and say still intrigued, "It's blinking, like an alarm light"
"Indeed"
Tech looks at his watch and says, "We've been walking for a few hours, maybe we should head back"
With a nod, you agree and follow him out of the cave.
Something is wrong, he is way too warm, the outside temperatures are not that high, but his body temperature seems to keep rising. He feels strange, maybe Wrecker knocked his helmet a few too many times, maybe his filter wasn't working properly.
Tech quickened his steps, and you tried to keep up with him in surprise.
Arriving at the Marauder, Tech takes off his helmet, and you can tell something is wrong, the expression on his face, that slightly glazed look.
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know," Tech admits, "I'm very warm, and I have a headache."
He blinks in surprise as you start to help him take off his gear, but he allows it to happen, he also lets you push him into his bunk and tuck him in.
"You must be overworked," you say gently, "You're always working, around the clock. At some point, your body just can't keep up with your mind, Tech."
He blinks, accepts the water you brought him, and says, "Maybe you're right."
He likes the way you take care of him, fluffing his pillow, covering him up, bringing him water and putting a cool, damp cloth on his forehead. He feels miserable right now, but he literally melts at every little thing you do for him.
"I'm sure a few hours of sleep will do you good," you say with conviction and a soft smile.
Tech looks at you from wide, glassy eyes, he gets lost in that smile of yours, and before he can pull himself together he says, "Can you stay here, with me?"
"Oh," you say in surprise, "Sure."
You lie down in the bunk across from his, barely two steps away from him. Tech turns to the side, so he can look at you.
You say with a smile, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you".
Tech's ears turn red as he smiles back.
At a certain point, you both fall asleep.
His dreams are wild, very wild, much wilder than usual.
Intimate dreams are not unknown to him, but this one is very intense. He watches you suck him while his hands on the back of your head give you a wild pace, shortly after he pins you to the floor and plows his hard cock through your pussy while you gasp, sigh, moan and whimper under him. Then he spins you around and shoves his length into the tight little hole between your buns, taking you so fast and hard that the clash of bare skin, echoes loudly off the walls. His hand is in your hair, pulling at it as he thrusts ever more savagely into the tightness of your butt.
Tech tears open his eyes, feeling even hotter than before, his thoughts a wild jumble of sexual acts. His cock pulses hard under his blacks, almost painfully. Everything inside him burns and screams to grab you, to take you, to taste you, to fuck you.
He moans softly and wipes his forehead, a very small part of him knowing that he's thinking and intending very naughty things right now, that he actually needs to pull himself together. But this small part is lost in the wild, feverish racket of his suddenly felt hundredfold intensified sexual desires.
He is so tense with horniness that a slight tremor goes through his body. He looks over at you, you are still asleep, you are still alone and will probably be for a while. Automatically, almost of his own accord, he takes off his blacks. He looks down at himself, he doesn't see much, it's still dark, but his cock is clearly standing at full size.
Against all reason that tries to survive somewhere under the wild chaos of sex thoughts, he walks over to the bunk you are lying in. In between he hesitates, this little part of him is only small, but stubborn.
"You can't do that, it's indecent, you'll scare her... it's wrong..." he whispers to himself, and yet he keeps coming closer to you.
You feel someone climb into your bunk or sit on the edge and slowly awaken from your slumber. Your eyes do not immediately adjust to the darkness. You blink, there is someone, in your bunk, you are uncovered and that someone is bent over you.
"Tech? Is that you?" you ask, confused and not yet in your right mind.
Your fingers grope for the nightlight and turn it on. It's not particularly bright, but enough to clearly see the naked Tech kneeling above you on your bunk. Your gaze lingers briefly on his hard length, thick, long, gently curved, the tip slightly red and swollen, a trickle of precum on the small slit.
You look up at him, startled.
"What's going on here?" you ask, perplexed, completely bewildered by the unexpected situation.
He's not touching you yet, but you can still feel his body heat already.
"Tech, you must have a fever- wait what are you doing!"
Ignoring your words, Tech reaches under your sleep shirt for the waistband of your panties and sets about pulling them down.
"Need you, need to smell you, taste you, feel you," he stammers as if delirious with fever.
When you automatically grab his hands in surprise to stop him, he fends you off and tugs impatiently at the fabric until it tears.
You let out a startled little scream as he rips the fabric from your body, and right after that, impatiently, your sleep shirt.
His eyes get even bigger behind the lenses as he sees you naked in front of him.
"Tech, what are you doing....?" you ask quietly.
He grabs your wrists, rips a strip off the sheet and goes to tie your hands together, but you fidget and stubbornly resist. He grabs your hands and pins them down, glaring at you impatiently.
"Tech, what the fuck!"
"Need you, need you to comply," he says hoarsely.
"I don't understand," you say quietly.
He looks at you, feverish, almost desperate, "I need to taste you and smell you and feel you, I need to have you!"
His words make you nervous, it doesn't sound like him at all, neither the pitch nor the way he said them.
Tech smells your hair and shivers, as do you. You feel his legs pushing your thighs apart, his pelvis thrusting between them and his cock pressing down on your pubic, rubbing against it. You let out a small surprised moan as the friction drives heat and wetness into your pussy.
He moans softly and repeats, "I need you."
You've been into Tech for a while, but this wasn't really Tech, was it?
Again he tries to bind your wrists, this time he's faster, and a little rougher, overpowering your flagging resistance and finally tying them to the headboard of the bunk.
Your pulse races, your heart hammers in your chest. A startled, surprised squeak comes from your lips as he presses up against you, and dig his teeth into your shoulder, not hard enough to really hurt you, but hard enough to leave pressure marks. He licks over the spot, kissing it as his hands travel down your body.
You're hot and cold, thoroughly aroused, but this seems so foreign. His body is burning hot, you are sure he has a fever. You want to tell him that he needs a doctor, but at the same moment his mouth moves to your breasts, and he begins to lick and suck your nipples, his long fingers greedily embracing the soft flesh.
Your head is swept clean. You loll under him, sighing softly, he presses his lap into the mattress as he moves down your body, a low rumble coming from his chest as he sucks your nipples and rubs against your body.
Suddenly he rises, kneeling higher over you, his hard cock hovering just in front of your mouth. You blink and look past his hard length up into his face. His hand roughly grips your chin, pushing it higher, then he demands, "Open."
Nervously, you open your lips as he finally presses his tip against them, letting him in. Your tongue automatically presses against the underside. You see him shiver, and hear him moan. Admittedly a nice feeling and a delightful sight.
But Tech is under pressure, under fire. He grips your head and pushes further until you gag and your eyes tear as he fucks your mouth. His whole body trembles with tension.
You stare up at him, having no idea how long you can keep this up or what to do when you can't anymore. But it doesn't take long, you feel him throbbing in your mouth, Tech moans out, then his semen shoots down your throat and mouth. You swallow in surprise as best you can. There's quite a bit.
He pulls his cock out of your mouth again. Some of his semen trickles down your chin, but you can't wipe it away because of your bound hands.
He keeps moving, his lips and tongue roaming from your breasts down, over your belly, faster and faster, as if they're impatient.
You start breathing faster the closer he gets to the heated triangle between your thighs.
There is something tugging at you, a craving, a want, something you didn't know before you had. It's weird, all of this, yet you feel you want this, you want him.
Then he's finally there, you hear him take a deep breath, feel him shakily expel the air on your wet folds. While you're still shuddering from the soft draft, his mouth is suddenly on your pussy, his tongue heatedly exploring your folds. A surprised squeak escapes you, followed by a gasp as his tongue glides over your pearl, repeating the motion several times in quicker succession.
You have no idea how he does it, but his tongue is so nimble and strong, getting wilder and wilder. Your thighs tremble around his head, the gasps from your throat become faster and faster, mixing with hoarse moans. Tirelessly, his tongue flicks over your swollen, pulsating clit, again and again and again. You mewl in arousal, stir in your bonds. The feeling of his soft, wet tongue dancing on your sweet spot, that bundle of nerves is delicious.
He's rutting his cock into the mattress while he licks and sucks your clit, moaning as he does so, humming, muffled by your pussy where you very clearly feel the vibration, an added stimulus.
You don't know what's gotten into him, at the moment you can't get a clear thought either. But somewhere in the back of your mind, you think back to the red glowing mushroom in the cave.
No matter how surprised and overwhelmed you are right now, you are also incredibly horny. Your abdomen trembles, your thighs quiver, the tension, the tingling and pulsating is heading towards a climax.
Tech's tongue gets faster, flicks your little clit in rapid fashion. Your abdomen tenses, your walls clench around nothing.
You almost cry out as you tip over the edge into your climax. Tech continues to lick your clit, a little too long, you become hypersensitive, and you jerk under his touch, but his hands grab your hips hard and hold you in place, pushing you into the sheets. He's still rutting his cock into the pad of the bunk, and his tongue finds your dripping opening.
A little cry comes over your lips as Tech slips his tongue between your slick walls and wiggles around inside, starting to lick you out like you're candy. He's greedy, and intense and he's making a mess.
"TECH!"
He growls, not a word, not really a response, just a growl. His nose keeps pressing against your hypersensitive pearl, but every twitch of yours is held in check by his hard grip.
"This is too much, Tech, too much!"
You see him twitch, another growl, he rolls his glassy, reddened eyes back for a moment. You realize he's cumming in the sheets.
He finally lets go of you for a moment, sits up, somewhat breathlessly wipes his mouth and chin with the back of his hand and forearm, wipes away your juices and his saliva. His sweaty chest rises and falls heavyly.
Tech still looks feverish, his eyes still wild and without focus.
"Not enough," he says, slightly hoarse, smoky, "More!"
You see that his length is still hard and erect. Then you see his gaze fall between your legs, you automatically want to close your thighs, you don't really want any more over-stimulation, but he pushes himself in between. Automatically, you want to use your hands, but they are still tied to the head of the bunk.
Tech lies above you, pressed against you, his body still glowing hot. He seems to be wrestling with himself, hesitating, but only briefly. In the next moment, he has brought his tip to your hole and is penetrating you, parting your moist folds and plunging deep inside you.
He's quite long and thick, you feel him stretching and filling you.
"Fuck," you curse softly.
It hurts a little, but somehow it also feels so damn good. He's leaning on his hands, hovering half above you, his cock deep inside you. Sweat is on his forehead, his muscles are shaking, his reddened eyes keep blinking. He looks strained. You realize he's trying to hold back right now, but barely managing it.
This is not your sweet and shy Tech.
He starts to move, dragging his cock a bit out of your sensitive entrance, and right after that he pushes forward into you again. Slowly at first, but he gets faster and faster. He half sits up, pulling you to a different angle as he does so he can push deeper inside you.
Tech moans, gasps, makes little sounds you've never heard before, every now, and then he stammers words you don't understand. His hips move faster and faster, the sound of naked skin meeting naked skin fills the room.
You didn't expect it, but your arousal picks up again and as if Tech sensed it, a hand moves between you and his fingertips, deftly find your pearl.
A hoarse sound passes your lips as his cock inside you, as well as his fingers on your clit, speeds up. As if of their own accord, your legs close around his hips as your thighs begin to tremble.
His name comes moaning over your lips, again and again. He stares at you, but his eyes are still so glazed and wild that you don't know if he's really looking at you.
A shudder goes through his body, a twitch, then he growls softly, you feel his cock twitch and pulse in your cleft, his warm seed filling your pussy. Every other thrust, accompanied by a squelching sound. Shortly after, the knot in your abdomen loosens, tingling all the way to the tips of your toes.
But Tech doesn't stop, he's still hard, thrusting into your pussy filled with his seed.
"More," you hear him say in a shaky voice.
You moan, "Tech, I can't take anymore."
You don't know if he really understood you, perceived the words, but he pulls his cock out of your pussy with a wet smacking sound, grabs your hips and turns you onto your stomach.
Your heart races, you're not sure what he's up to. His length is still full of his juices and yours as he pushes it lengthwise between your buns. His hands grip your buns pretty hard and squeeze them together as he begins to rub his cock in the crease between them.
He moans, gasps and trembles. You are glad that he has refrained from sticking it in your ass. Without preparation, that would have been very unpleasant. Tech rubs himself against your buns, panting, trembling.
He suddenly slows down, then you feel his warm load splashing on your buns and your back. By now you are full of his cum, in and on you, even the bunk is full of it, everything is sticky. Tech, of all people, who is very conscious of his hygiene, has made this mess.
His breath is getting shaky, you hear it, feel his cock finally softening on your buns.
"Oh maker... oh no... oh hells no...", you hear him whisper, in his tone a desperation that is hard to overhear.
You pull at your bonds and say as calmly as you can, "Please, Tech, untie me."
"Oh my goodness, of course, right now.... I'm so sorry... really so sorry..." he continues to stammer and with trembling hands he loosens your bonds.
Finally, you can sit up, turn around and look at him.
His eyes are back to normal, no longer glassy, nor reddened, but his cheeks and ears are red, and the expression on his face completely desperate and ashamed. He hastily grabs a pillow to cover his crotch as you look at him.
"I'm so sorry," he says softly, almost whispering, barely managing to look at you, his gaze jerking away again and again, "I felt everything, perceived everything, but it was like my body was just a doll, controlled by overwhelming sexual desire...my mind had no control."
"I figured something wasn't normal," you say dryly, looking down at yourself, "I'm all sticky," you grumble softly.
"Oh maker, please don't hate me now, I couldn't stand that" he says, ducking his head.
You laugh softly and say, "I'm never touching any mushrooms near you again".
He doesn't feel like laughing, and your attempt to loosen him up unfortunately fails.
You say softly, "Tech, well, before all this happened, you and I really liked each other, didn't we? I mean, we were just a little too shy to interact more."
Tech blinks and lifts his eyes after all.
His cheeks are flushed as he clears his throat and says meekly, "I've been in love with you for a long time, if that's what you mean."
You feel heat rising in your cheeks and your heart beating faster.
"Yeah, that's what I meant" you say nodding "The feeling was mutual by the way".
Tech's eyes grow wide behind his goggles, but then he lowers his gaze again.
"I guess I ruined that now".
"No," you contradict him, "you didn't. The fungus has twisted your senses, or whatever you want to call it. Nothing is broken because of it yet."
Cautiously, Tech raises his eyes again.
"I'd like to make you a proposition," you say softly as he looks at you.
Tech nods and says, "I'm all ears."
"You and I are going to take a shower together, nice and relaxed. We'll wash, maybe each other, some tender touches, no pressure, no expectation, just enjoy each other's closeness. Some tenderness after this, little disaster?"
Tech blinks several times and asks, "You would still let me touch you?"
You nod and admit, "It's not like I wasn't having fun at all. Besides, that wasn't really you, but I'd still like to get to know the real Tech better."
Tech smiles, stands up and after a moment's hesitation, puts away the pillow he was covering his crotch with. He takes your hand and helps you out of the sticky bunk.
Under the warm stream of water of the shower, you both slowly relax, Tech letting his tension escape with a sigh and smiling at you as you look over your shoulder while he gently washes your back.
Tech says tenderly, "You're gorgeous, by the way".
Your ears get all hot and a tingle spreads through your stomach as you say, "You're not bad yourself, handsome"
Suddenly you hear voices, the boys must be back from their errands. Then you hear a curse and Crosshair yelling loudly, "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BUNK!!!"
You look up with a soft, "Uh oh," at Tech who then whispers, "Oh. That's probably bad."
"He's going to kill us," you say, biting your lower lip suppressing a grin, "We really made a hell of a mess."
"Indeed," Tech says dryly, "I'd say we stay in here for now until he calms down."
"That could take a long time"
Tech smiles mischievously, "I don't mind"
@rintheemolion
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#star wars#tbb#the bad batch#clone force 99#sw tbb#tech#tbb tech#bad batch tech#clone trooper tech#tbb tech x reader#tech x reader#tech x you#the bad batch tech#clone trooper tech x reader#tech bad batch#tech tbb#tech the bad batch#tech smut#smut#suggestive#dub-con#dub con#pollen
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literally just a blowjob so calm down
at this point this is OLD but i'm going to post on here as well from now on i think? and probably try to fix the fucky formatting while i'm at it if i can.
this took way too long and i’m still not happy but fuck it, have 1200 words of garbage about giving dream head, bone apple tea you gremlins
Dreams have always been a place of comfort and escape, the more dissatisfied you were, the more vivid they would get. Settling in for another night of restless slumber, it doesn't take long for the dream to turn a bit steamy, as they often do. Your imaginary lovers are usually faceless and you never remember much in the morning. At least it's better than nothing, or the unsatisfying encounters you've previously had, at any rate.
This time is different though. Before you're ready to wake up, the dream simply dissolves around you, leaving you confused and frustrated in the non-descript room.
"You mortals really are simple creatures." The smooth voice startles you but it wouldn't be the first time a dream changed on you by its own volition, so you don't really question the presence of the man leaning against the wall behind you, a haughty look on his face. "Though it is not often I encounter dreams of such...singular focus."
Being shamed by your own dream, that's new. But then so is he. He seems sharper somehow, more real. His dark clothes makes him stand out like an inkblot against the wall, though the voluminous coat does little to disguise the slim lines of his body.
"Perhaps we might be of use to one another." Though his voice betrays no emotion, it's pretty clear what he's implying. His gaze has an almost hypnotic quality to it, reeling you in like a fish on a line until you're standing in front of him. He's even more beautiful up close and you can't help but stare, which doesn't seem to bother him in the slightest. "Serve me, and I will grant you release."
Or not so much implying, then. But why not go along? Dreams have never hurt you before, after all. The crude suggestion sounds more appealing from his pretty mouth than it has any right to, tempting you.
Hands itching to touch you hesitate, unsure how to proceed. Before you can decide on a course of action, his lips are on yours. They're softer than you expected. It's brief, barely more than a brush, testing the waters.
"If this is not what you want, you should leave now." The next time he kisses you it's with more urgency, a soft grip on your jaw and you respond in kind. Daring to touch him now, you sneak your hands under the hem of his shirt, marveling at the softness of his skin. Deepening the kiss as you explore a bit more, skimming your hands over the contours of his ribs makes him almost melt into your touch, breath speeding up ever so slightly. From one blink of the eye to the next, there are no clothes separating you anymore.
As you start questioning how that happened he puts two of his fingers in your mouth, pressing your tongue down, making you drool.
"Hush now, you do not need to speak." Lightheaded already, his hand at your shoulder makes your knees fold all too willingly, not bothering to deny that you need this. You both do.
Kneeling between his legs, his pale skin is just begging to be bruised. The thought of marking him with your teeth makes your mind reel with possibilities. You nuzzle his thigh, teeth and tongue, the smoothness of his cock heavy against your cheek as you pull his scent deep into your lungs. He only humours you for a few moments before urging you closer, his fingers cradling the back of your skull. "Go on, surely you do not mean to keep me waiting?"
Betrayed by the breathy edge to his voice, the need to be touched all but bleed from his words as his facade starts to crack.
Before guiding him into your mouth you drag your tongue over his length, making him gasp as you taste him before sliding home. Every suck and swipe of the tongue is almost reverent.
"Look at me." You watch him watching you, his eyes dark and lips parted. He's almost swaying on his feet, breath hitching. Your knees hurt, but you try to concentrate on the feel of his cock in your mouth, you want to be good. Every groan and murmur of appreciation spurs you on, you're doing something right, he likes.
His grip on your shoulder is nearly bruising as he pushes you away for a moment, chest heaving.
"I will not be able to last," he has to force the words out, his body tense like the bow of a violin. "I do not wish to disappoint you." Any assurances you might have given die in your throat as he guides you onto the floor before finally straddling your chest, pinning you down. You start to protest, but he simply hushes you again.
"Grant me this much," he murmurs as he leans back, sinking his fingers inside you, thumb pressed to your clit. "I promise I will not leave you wanting."
Thighs trembling and slick, you can feel your juices sliding down and out of you as he works you, the practiced movements of his fingers making it feel like he has touched you hundreds of times before, knowing every spot to drive you wild.
"Open nice and wide for me." His voice is husky, almost fraying at the edges, you can tell he's getting close and all you want is to obey.
He makes it so easy, tracing your lips with his tip, all but begging to be devoured, worshipped. It feels almost like a competition, to see who will give in first. Torn between wanting to come with him in your mouth and not wanting to lose, you redouble your efforts. Even as he thrusts into your mouth, nearly gagging you, he never stops picking you apart with his fingers, driving you ever closer to the edge.
In the end you're the one to break first, clamping down around his fingers like a vice, the waves of pleasure making you falter as you moan around his cock.
"Yes, come for me, let me feel you." He draws your orgasm out with experienced ease, dragging it out until you nearly try to buck him off of you, his touch relentless.
Feeling him swell in your mouth, a few more swirls of the tongue is all it takes to bring him off, making him pulse as he fills your mouth. He surprises you by pulling out, some of his come hitting your chin. As he milks his cock and covers your neck and breasts in it, the sound he makes is close to a whimper.
Finally spent he rolls off of you, settling in pressed close to you, one leg slung over yours, seeking contact. Still out of breath he drags his fingers lazily through the puddles cooling on your skin, painting you with it. Admiring his handiwork through half lidded eyes as he marks you.
"You absolutely stunning creature," he murmurs, capturing your mouth with his in a sloppy kiss. It's a languid, boneless thing and he sighs contentedly against your lips.
"Would you see me again, some other night perhaps?" The look he gives you through dark lashes is almost coy, his cheeks softly dusted with colour. "I should like to make my shameful performance up to you, if you would let me."
You would. Waking up you feel more relaxed than you recall feeling in a long time. And as you go about your day, you can't help looking forward to bed time just a little bit more than usual.
#dream of the endless x reader#morpheus x reader#sandman x reader#sandman x you#sandman smut#dream of the endless smut#the sandman fanfiction#my shitty shitty writing (affectionate)
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Alastor with a gen z, who is also a doe, who is actually very motherly despite her young age. Yes she's choatic and loud sometimes. But elegant and understanding. Even studied psychology which makes her more compassionate with others.
Usually alastor refuses to interact with the younger sinners for they r annoying and end up killing them but since she is staying at the hotel he can't kill her. But after a while of avoiding her he starts to ca6ch up how caring and doting she is over everyone despite being the youngest in the hotel. She even tried to make him jambalaya and left it in the oven after learning it's one of his favorite.
She slowly start growing on him but he's suspicious on why she's in hell. So later on months later he finds her reading in the balcony late at night with violin playing the background and starts a conversation which ends up with him asking her about why she's in hell she states that she killed her abusive foster parents then herself.
(I have more ideas for this plot if u want)
I love incredibly specific asks like this because its so obvious this is either based on an OC or losely based on yourself and the fact you have more.
That being said, I encourage you to make your own posts about this if you have so much you want to do with the idea. For two reasons.
One, because I know what it's like to have an incredibly specific idea in your head when making asks or talking to other people in the fandom. You're always happy for their input but it's so unsatisfying when their responses don't line up witb your idea.
Two. I'm old. I'm 26. I'm that weird age where I'm not quite gen z and not quite millennial.
However, I will add to your idea.
I don't think Alastor kills newer sinners on sight, he has his own canon moral code on who he does and doesn't kill. And gen z kids from America specifically probably don't view Hell any different from their normal lives. Struggling to get by day to day while everything around them goes to shit. The only upside is no one gives a fuck if you're gay or trans or whatever and you have easy access to alcohol and drugs.
The difference is gen z kids have all the audacity and aren't afraid to start shit and while this can be incredibly amusing for Alastor they're all a bit too much for him so he tends to stay away.
Your motherly tendencies and psychological knowledge endears you to him even if he doesn't understand half of what you say and you get a little wild.
I firmly believe Alastor killed his abusive father so he isn't even going to bat an eye at you killing your parents but he would lecture you about killing yourself. What was the point of killing them if you didn't get to bask in it? Didn't live long enough to enjoy that freedom? He views it as a waste.
He'd probably mentor you instead of be interested in you. Clearly you're young and foolish and too emotional. He's going to have to teach you how to revel in getting even with those that wronged you and taking pride in the fact you've helped rid the world of such tasteless, rude, and insufferable people.
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i’m always interested in your analyses of the blue-green thing! colour is such a cool way of expressing themes or parallels and when you look at it laid out with all the couples, it’s so clear and non coincidental lol
“up until 6b they were really careful with this particular implication of romantic undertones with buddie and that's out the window now” is this in reference to how they carefully set up buddie’s themes and storylines over 5 seasons and then fucked it up in just a few 6b episodes? 😅
because honestly that’s part of the reason why i don’t have much hope for canon in season 7, i feel like they’ve suddenly backtracked on their relationship for some reason and are gonna go all no homo and/or just ruin them completely
post about the blue and green thing
Okay, I'm gonna go conspiracy theorist here, and I may be giving the showrunners too much credit, but here's the thing, we know the threat of cancellation made them change things around during 6b, there's a very clear tone shift, they changed episode names, called actor back for reshoots, so they changed the way the season was supposed to go so it would work as a nice packaged little happy ending if they got cancelled. Personally, I believe that there is some higher plan with Buck and Eddie going on here, I think they are a slowburn that is still burning, and personally, that needs to burn a little bit more until they can have a relationship that would work (getting Buck back in therapy and letting them talk would be ideal) and if you wanna jump ship go for it, I don't blame you, this shit is frustrating. But the thing is, they are very careful about how characters are constructed, and Buck and Eddie exist as mirrors of each other, and they also mirror canon romantic couple, bathena being the most blatant one. And they make a point to make sure that if you look at it closely, you can pick up on some romantic undertone, most major buddie scenes have that feeling that leaves you wondering. And it's not like the show doesn't know how to write friendships, because they do, so... choices. But going back to season 6, it might just be me, but I don't want them to get together for the sake of them getting together, there's a lot of build-up surrounding them for me to be satisfied with "and they kissed roll credits" (i love you *falls to gay superhell*, oh he had complicated feelings over the jeep) so I don't think they fucked it up, I think they didn't have the time to playout what they wanted to do with buddie in the space they had in season 6 and voted against rushing it since there was a chance the show was going to get picked up by someone else. Because it is still very easy to write off both Natalia and Marisol and keep whatever plan they might have and if they didn't get picked up just shoving them together would be unsatisfying. (In the end, it was unsatisfying anyway because the way they wrote the season makes a real effort into painting Buck, Eddie, and Chris as a family unity, so most things that don't end with them acknowledging this are unsatisfying, but it's an easy fix because the show didn't end, so)
Because, in the end, they are purposely writing Buck and Eddie as mirrors of each other, and it goes down to the first death on the job for both of them being someone falling to their death. You have the first love that ran away from them and came back without giving them real closure, you have the rocky relationship with their parents, you have the relationship they were pushed into by other people (Eddie and Ana and Buck and Ali if that's not clear), you have the way that Shannon is introduced and the next episode Buck gets a girlfriend, Shannon dies? Next episode, byebye Ali, Eddie starts dating Ana? Next episode, let's bring Taylor back into the mix, Buck is dating Natalia? What a wonderful time to have Eddie decide he's ready to put himself out there. You have the late confirmation they are the same age. You have the way they both escaped home, the way they found themselves in firefighting. You have the pretty blunt parallels between the shooting and the lightning and the well and the lightning, you have Eddie's will and the way Eddie decided to hide it (because they could have Eddie talk to Buck before changing and I've seen this playout between friends in other shows, but the choice to hide it gives a different feeling), you have multiple confirmations that Buck sees Christopher as his own, you have Eddie being hurt being Buck's berzerker button. One or two things are an accident, this many? They're on purpose, and I chose to believe there is some bigger, longer plan in action here. Sometimes I feel like there's a large percentage of the fandom who doesn't understand the stakes behind a network slowburn. Even shows like castle or the mentalist, where you KNOW they are gonna end up together, took like? 6 seasons? of build-up for something to happen? And like, I want them together, but with everything we have around them, I want them together in the right way, and yes, I think the show is delaying them because the stakes keep getting higher so it's harder to make it work, but I do have faith they can make something good work, just look at everything about them from 6x10 to 6x13.
Also, that particular statement was just about the blue and green thing because I actually looked at every scene where they are together, and they are never in those colors except for those two scenes, and the choice of shades of blue and green is very on purpose to be on accident, you know what I mean? And Buck and Taylor have multiple blue and green scenes, to pick the shades from the shooting is insane really.
Everything is on purpose, but a tv show is not like a book or a movie where everything is gonna be contained, you need to let the story evolve and adapt to the circumstances in which is being aired, and personally, I think 6x16-6x18 are just a detour, some construction on sunset lol, I think they had a choice to keep the season the way it was supposed to go and risk leaving the show feeling unfinished or shift things around and just leave Buck and Eddie feeling unfinished and they went with the second option, because it had less consequences.
Season 7 could absolutely go just kidding, no homo, but the thing is, you have two characters whose storylines are deeply tangled together, you can just sit them down, have them talk, say "you're my brother, dude" and goodbye, they're platonic best buddies. But I also don't think they would draw such a hard line because us crazy buddie shippers keep watching the show in the hopes of seeing them in the same frame together, and I feel like a significant part of people could give up the show altogether if they make such a blunt statement. And the showrunners know that, keeping us in the will they won't they thing helps their numbers and we are a significant enough portion of the viewers to make a difference. The hope of buddie brings audience to the show so I wouldn't expect a no homo thing. Or any hard line between them really.
But what do I know? I'm just a girl with a blog and a hyperfixation lol
#i have theories about season 7#and the way bucktalia mirror eddiana and how bucks breakdown is coming#leading to a situation that would mirror the effect of the shooting#that would lead to a conversation#would that be another aborted love confession? would that be a plain old love confession? i don't know#i need more information than just i have a feeling to make that statement#shit this is long skaoskoaksoaks#911 meta#???#i really need a tag for asks#anon 😌#i could go on about this forever really sokasokaoskaosk#anyone want to hear my season 7 buddie spec that has no basis besides the voices in my head? sdoaksoaksokasokasoak#reading this back for typos i feel like i may sound a bit condescending and I'm sorry if it does that's not the intention#i just sometimes like to think about the show as a business#and it makes some choices make more sense that way but also makes everything more frustrating#because the goal ends up being numbers and we pay the price#quite literally sokasokaoskaosk
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Vigilante Pursuit: Looking at the Villain Hunt Arc
So for anyone who has followed my blog for any period of time, you know that I dislike the Stars and Stripes arc. However, that isn't the only arc that I take issue with. When I was first reading this arc, I had my issues with it, but I did my best to try and move past them. Unfortunately, my opinion of it has only soured as time has gone on and I have had more time to reread and process everything that happened in it. That being the Villain Hunt Arc.
Yes, I know its official title is the Dark Hero Arc, but that name is dumb, so I'm sticking with the Villain Hunt Arc. To be pretty clear, I don't hate this arc, and I still think that there are some good qualities to it. The fight with Lady Nagant is a dramatic challenge to Izuku's perception of heroes, the confrontation between All Might and Stain was a strong beat for their characters, and the Uraraka's speech is one of the highlights of the later arcs of the series. It is not without its problems, and I do feel a lot of frustration with those problems. So, after reaching nine thousand posts, I thought I would reflect on them and try to figure out how to fix this arc.
Unlike the Star and Stripes Arc though, the problems aren't exactly fundamental to the arc itself, more that there are issues in execution. Even then, it's more of one consistent problem throughout the arc and a few other bits with how things play out. So a lot of this will be more of the rewrite than me simply complaining about it. For the sake of this, I'm going to try to stick to as much of the canon structure and this arc as possible with the rewrites. I may have a lot of issues with Izuku's power progression, which is probably the worst in this arc, but such a thing would require changing whole other arcs or making new ones. And when I am writing this, the most recent Chapter 387. So if anything happens to counter my points, know that it hasn't happened yet.
Just Watch Us
Whenever I think back on this arc, I always think about the lack of character moments that weren't for the usual ensemble. The ones that stand out most to me are Hawks and Endeavor. I can understand why the characters would want to brush past that given their personalities and their circumstances, but it feels unsatisfying to not see them react to what happened to them or have the world change as a result. Endeavor says that he will keep pushing forward and tells people to watch him. Even though he has nothing to show for except his words after one of the worst debacles in hero history. And what he did has no real effect or reaction on anyone outside of the family. There isn't any pushback or reflection on Hawks either. Hawks murdered someone on live television, and the most we get is during the press conference. There's no time to think about Twice or the regret he has for killing. He's an optimist, after all.
And don't think that they are the only ones. So many of the students are barely given any time to process or talk about what happened to them. Mina and Kirsihima saw the brutalized corpse of their teacher. And we barely get anything on that. They just got out of a war, and all of them seem a bit bummed out. This is the worst day for most, if not all, of the characters involved. Why can't we see that tragedy and turmoil in them? This isn't only a thing with the war, either. Uraraka and Iida find out their best friend has lied to them for the better part of a year and has left them behind, with the two having no idea where Izuku is or what's happening to him. There isn't any time to reflect on how they're dealing with any of this. We simply have to assume that all this happened off screen in the month-long time jump, if it happened at all.
Near Miss
So when I said that I didn't dislike the Lady Nagant fight, there were a few asterixis next to it. I know it's a minor point, but it has constantly bothered me: why is Kai here? Now I understand why Kai is around. It's to set up everything with Lady Nagant and Izuku trying to save and help the villains, pairing him up with the most hateable villain that isn't part of the League of Villains. However, that doesn't explain why Kai is here from an in universe perspective. Lady Nagant seemingly brings him out of Tatarus on a whim. She says she wants to use him, but what use is a gibbering ex-convict with no arms? And when they get out, she wants him around to identify Izuku. Why on Earth would she need that? Are you telling me All For One didn't even give her any information on Izuku? Nothing like a photo or a basic description of her target?
My biggest issue with it is the introduction of "Fa Jin". Aside from the pacing issues of introducing so many of his new Quirks in such a short time span, "Fa Jin" is easily the worst of all the "One For All" Quirks. As an actual Quirk, it's fine. Nothing special, but has a unique gimmick. My problems lie in making it a Quirk for Izuku because it doesn't really add anything to his power set. It isn't an interesting expansion on Izuku's arsenal, basically doing exactly what "One For All" was doing before. It's obviously only there as a crutch to get Izuku to One Hundred Percent as fast as possible in the shortest amount of time. What's more is that it ruins the fun cat-and-mouse dynamic the fight had before. It's not something we've seen in the series before and would have given us a chance to see Izuku as the intelligent planner he's supposed to be. Instead, Izuku didn't win through some clever strategy, he won by making his number bigger.
Then there is how the fight ends. Lady Nagant blows up as a part of a cruel tactic by All For One. I understand what the story is going for, having all of Izuku's efforts destroyed to mentally break him, but there are some questions raised. Like how exactly did All For One use a Quirk that wasn't his? Why make it a Quirk he snuck onto her then? Why not simply be the effect of a Quirk he already had? How did Lady Nagant handle three Quirks when even two Quirks are considered extreme and potentially life-threatening? How was Lady Nagant not aware of this? Then following up with Izuku going to the mansion, which only results in All For One reinforcing what we already know and another egregious explosion fake out, just feels like such a limp and pointless way to end this entire segment. It's another symptom of All For One worming his way into every single plot as the big villain. You can't have a moment between a hero and villain without All For One twirling his IV tubes in the background.
How it All Stops
I know I have played up in the past how much I liked this moment. I did feel catharsis when Bakugou finally owned up to how awful he was to Izuku and apologized. But looking back at it with a critical eye, I'm finding a major problem with it: it's all about Bakugou. Don't get me wrong, this is supposed to be a big moment for Bakugou and how he's grown. But the other half of the equation is simply missing. There isn't accountability of what he did to Izuku. It's all justification about why he treated Izuku so poorly, only to then turn it over to how he has been acting in the past. There isn't any kind of acknowledgement or punishment for what he's done to Izuku. It comes across that Bakugou effectively Houdinied his way out of the actual consequences of his actions.
What's more is that there's nothing about how Izuku is processing this. Izuku, the guy who was hurt most by Bakugou's constant bullying and actions, doesn't say or think anything about this. Which is such a massive problem throughout the whole of the arc. There is so little time to give Izuku any moments to himself or thoughts on how he's feeling about everything. This should be a huge surge of emotions and the culmination of everything that's been building up with Izuku. But everything is more focused on the other characters, either through Izuku's own thoughts or writing focusing on them more. All that happens is that he collapses and apologizes to everyone else for insulting them. And this ends Rogue Izuku portion of the story. Did you enjoy the handful of chapters you got? I hope you did, because that is the end of that part of his character. One we barely got to actually see.
After all of that, there's barely anything following up on it. All the building emotions he had about himself and the arc over the years? Gone. A serious talk between Izuku and All Might about everything that has happened? Nothing. Any sort of real connection or follow-up with Uraraka and Iida? Not really. The most we get is simply in service of Toga and Uraraka's plot dozens of chapters later. There isn't anything personal about this arc that carries forward. As far as developing the characters, it may as well not have even happened. Bakugou still acts like a tool to Izuku, making it seem like he didn't really learn anything from all of this. We don't even get any proper follow-up with All Might. He apologizes to Izuku and then they move onto more plot beats. Which is so off the mark that it's downright insulting to both characters' stories. Take a bath and a nap, Izuku. It's clearly what you needed.
I know I keep harping on this part of it, but you need there to be a proper middle ground and payoff in order for the conclusion to feel satisfying. It feels like I'm watching a DVD with scratches on it, constantly skipping between major scenes, and the characters acting like they came to a conclusion without us seeing it. It's what attributed to a lot of rushed feeling for the last few arcs. While I always believed that these rapid plot points began back during the MLA War Arc, they have become so prevalent here. All the characters are being moved to their conclusion faster than the manga can handle in the number of chapters they are given. So a lot of them either feel forgotten in the sweep or have their characters and stories shorthanded to reach the end. Now, how would I fix all this?
Heroes of the Past
To start things off, Gran Torino will die in the hospital, potentially while talking to Izuku. I'm not one for suddenly killing off characters, but he really shouldn't have survived such a massive attack from Tomura and I think this would be a good point for him to bite it. More could be added from his death than from his life, especially if he's just going to sit in the hospital for the rest of the series. It would actually have Tomura kill someone that we know and care about, adding some more stakes and threat to this arc, but it would also start Izuku's spiral during this entire situation. From there, I would change the vestiges role as well for this arc. I would have them put more pressure on Izuku. He is there last shot at stopping All For One and they would try to push him more and more. Having the manifestations act as the voices of overwhelming responsibility would be a really interesting way to represent Izuku's thought process and the doubts he has. It's literally Izuku's power and the ghosts of the previous user wearing down on him.
With Hawks and Endeavor, I would certainly have them both interact on their own as characters away from the plot. Maybe Hawks could see some parallels between himself and Shoto as two young kids who were weapons for the sake of others because of their strong Quirks. Maybe Endeavor could talk about how much he had similar thoughts to Hawks, yet was always able to hold back in the end. You could give some more depth to their histories, like Hawk's life in the Hero Commission or who Endeavor was outside of hero work. And if nothing else, we need Endeavor's reaction to "One For All". The cornerstone of Endeavor's entire character was wanting to surpass All Might. After everything that happened over the past year for him, from becoming the Number One to finding out about Dabi, there should be something to him finding out just how truly futile that goal was this entire time. How much of his life was destroyed for less than nothing.
After that, there should be some external pushback and problems for them. Endeavor could be confronted by civilians and heroes, saying that they don't want to look at him and constantly throwing what Dabi did in his face. You could even have former heroes attack him, believing that someone like him does not deserve to be a hero and is simply a villain corrupting their role. Hawks could come across a scene where he finds a group of minor, but recognizable villains, like the Reservoir Dogs, all strung up on the streets. This could either be done by civilians or rogue heroes, finding Hawk's actions justifiable in killing villains, only exasperated by the extreme circumstances. How could those two possibly confront those circumstances? It'd give us some actual weight and consequence to their actions while fitting with the idea of how the actions of major heroes can trickle down into the rest of society.
vs Lady Nagant
This time around, Lady Nagant will bring Kai out of a sense of empathy for him given his condition, though she will hide it from All For One with the same excuse of thinking he'd be useful, which is technically true. Once she gets her mission, she will bring him along out of a need for information about Izuku. Not he knows what Izuku looks like, but because he knows about Izuku and how he fights. It could help explain why Lady Nagant is doing so well, aside from her simply being that good and give Kai more of a purpose. Instead of using "Fa Jin", just have Izuku uses the benefits of his other Quirks. Let him use his other powers and show off the benefits that "Black Whip", "Float", "Danger Sense", and "Smokescreen" provide for him. This provides a unique chance to have Izuku fight smarter and not harder.
And when the fight is over, don't make Lady Nagant the bomb. Make Overhaul the bomb. All For One could have attempted to take "Overhaul", but failed to do so since Kai's Quirk Factor is gone, which well say works that way for this rewrite, only to then sneak the bomb on him. Then you could have Lady Nagant make a move to save Izuku at the cost of herself. That still has the same kind of tragedy to it. The person he'd tried to save is dead or dying, depending on what Hori wants to do with him, and reigniting those heroic values in someone puts her in critical condition. Plus, I think if Hori wants to do any kind of redemption for Overhaul, people are going to want to see him suffer a little bit more for all the stuff he did to everyone in the Overhaul Arc. And skip All For One taunting Izuku, that simply wasn't needed.
After this fight, we are going to cut away from that part of the story. In order to get some breathing room for the rest of the characters, we need to push Izuku away from the spotlight for a little while. What's more is that gives the audience some tension and concern over what's happening with Izuku. Ideally, we start with Izuku and cut away once the Lady Nagant fight is over. It helps put us into Izuku's headspace some, focusing so much on everything that all the other characters feel so distant, only to cut back to them and feel the worry with them since we know how bad of a place Izuku is in. And could you imagine the reveal when we see Izuku and his monstrous vigilante look? Then, when that happens, we flashback to what Izuku has been doing before all of this happened. Plus, with UA, we could get a look at some of the other civilian reactions to what's been happening.
Back at UA
As for what this would be filled with, the first thing to come to mind would be Kirishima, Mina, and Momo. Look, I don't like how they handled Midnight's death. I think it was an incredibly cheap death, throwing a named character to the wolves to give the deaths on the hero's side some artificial weight without giving her any depth or connections outside of a side manga. But if you are going to kill her, at least do something with the characters it's supposed to affect. Have Mina bring up how much Midnight's classes meant to her, or have Momo think about some advice Midnight taught her. Sure, it's a retroactive fill-in for what should have been actual moments in the story, but it's better than nothing. Maybe let Aizawa come in and talk about her as well. Show us that the death of his friend and colleague of over a decade actually affected him and break down his walls some. Show us he is emotionally invested in someone other than Oboro, the Friendly Dust Cloud. You could even have it tie back into Aizawa's own experiences with Momo and how much they believe in her as a leader.
Then there are Iida and Uraraka. I swear, these two have been pushed so far to the back of the manga for what should be major supporting characters that it's insane. You could have Iida running around UA, trying to help everyone he can, wherever he can. It's all that Iida knows to do when he's stressed. It's all that's keeping him from trying to go against the school and looking for his friend. He needs to be here as the person who bears the name Ingenium, one of the oldest families in heroics, and the successor to his brother. Uraraka is helping as well, but clearly isn't as present. She keeps going back to everything with Toga and what she said. You could then have them both talk to each other, realizing how difficult it is to cope with all this, especially when their best friend is gone. It could play off the traits we know about them and set up stuff for later.
Finally, there is Bakugou. There is a lot that could be covered with him, though I do think that it would help a lot if he had a character to bounce off of. And while there could be a lot of characters to do that, I think that All Might would be the best option. Give the two another scene together, paralleling the one after the first fight between Izuku and Bakugou. With them together, they talk about what was going on with Bakugou and why he did what he did. It could do a lot to help build the bridge between everything that happened during the war and his apology to Deku. This could be where the card scene comes into play during Bakugou's death as well, or at least the set-up for it, like Bakugou holding the card in his hand before cutting away or him stifling his words. Once it's all done, All Might could be the one to spill the beans that they actually lost contact with Deku, prompting the class to want to go after him.
Viglinate Izuku
So with the Final War Arc, there are a lot of issues with society broguht up. Some of which are not as fleshed out as they could have been. Want to know what would help with that? Seeing it in action. We get a few montages of this, but I believe that it needs more time to convey how bad things have gotten. While Izuku is running around as a vigilante, he could be dealing with crisis situations that relate to all of the problems brought up throughout the season. Heck, the whole thing with the giant fox/shark lady is some of the most development we got for the Mutant Plotline in the story. Why not shore up some of the other issues with more evidence of that coming forward? The country degrades as all the nasty sides of society come up as the chapters go on. Izuku's goal of trying to understand only brings him more stress and heartache. Have him deal with something like Wash and Yo Shindo did. Carry over some of the issues that Endeavor and Hawks are dealing with. Have him let someone slide when they are committing survival crimes for their family.
Then we cut back to Izuku after the Lady Nagant fight and meet up with All Might after beating another assassin. He sees the damage done to Toshinori's windshield, realizing that he was attacked and nearly killed by more of All For One's goons. Before he can explain, Deku brings up Sir Nighteye and Gran Torino and how much he's learned from them, but that he's learned the most from All Might. He says that he doesn't need him as his mentor any more, implying that he's doing this so All Might doesn't die as well. After that, it's going to be more of Izuku trying to solve people's problems, and it's only going to get worse from here. It's going to be more difficult situations with less obvious answers, stressing Izuku out more and more, made even worse by the lack of self-care he has been doing.
The final point of this will be at the Hero Commission Building. You know that recording where Lady Nagant talked about everything she did? Well, that got out to the public somehow, maybe by All For One to sow more chaos and distrust. Now people want blood for everything that happened with Lady Nagant. Izuku wants to stop the rioters because there are still innocent people in that building, but the rioters aren't villains. They're civilians who have been hurt by the Commissions attempts to keep the peace. Then we come to the big dilemma: Izuku is stuck between protecting the epicenter of all the corruption in hero work and the people who have been hurt by them. A major moral conflict to punctuate everything Izuku has been dealing with.
It all comes to a head when the Commission demands he help, and the crowd accuses Izuku of not being a real hero. Just another goon of the Hero Commission. Izuku breaks and unleashes "Black Whip" to make a massive webby wall between the rioters and the building, telling the rioters to go home. This is when we get the reveal of the monstrous hero costume in all its glory. And the rioters are terrified, looking on in utter fear and running away. Before the Hero Commission has a chance to thank him, we see the cold eyes of the broken Izuku we see later before he leaves as well. Not only could this show the other dangers of Izuku not taking care of himself and taking on the burden, but his appearance only inspires fear in the people he wants to help, but it also works to punctuate everything that has happened thus far with the various problems.
Izuku vs Class 1-A
Before this fight starts, we are given a bit in the world of "One For All". This is where I would flesh out the vestiges some more and how they view things, something that would have been hinted at through their brief appearances in the rest of the arc. Like we have the Second User saying that what Izuku is doing is fine, but why not have something like the Fourth User saying they should hide while Nana tries to act as the voice of reason? When it comes to the Despot fight, I would add a few more high profile villains to the scene. In the manga, this doesn't feel like a situation that Izuku needed help with, which is the whole point of this scenario. It feels like there should have been more ways for him to deal with this given the tools he had, but he gave up because that's what Hori needed to happen. So between the massive number of civilians and the other villains making it all at risk to do anything, I think that would cement more how screwed Izuku is without other people around him.
And when the students show up, I would give some more time to them to show off their abilities some more. Something that can show both Izuku and the audience that they have grown some over the skip. Maybe show off some new techniques without making a big deal out of it or changing their costumes around to give them a new edge. And with more villains, it gives us more chances to see that. Once the fight is over, the students will then try to ask Izuku to come back. The fight will play out mostly the same, but I would add the bit about how "Danger Sense" doesn't detect certain entities as threats since the students are doing this to help him. I think it explains how they are doing so well in spite of Izuku having a power like that and makes the bit with Toga later seem like less of a contrivance.
After the fight, I would pass off the speech Bakugou gave about returning home to Iida. I think it just works better for him. As for the apology, while you could easily rewrite it, I think it would be better to keep it as is and then build off of it. Just because he's a better person now doesn't mean that he can say sorry and have everything be okay. I think we need some catharsis on Izuku's side and some atonement on Bakugou's part. Regardless, when Bakugou finally apologizes, Izuku isn't going to take it, at least not at first. You could say that's out of character for him, but between Bakugou's self-focused apology and how much Izuku has gone through in the past few chapters, I think you could justify it. This would give Izuku some time to talk about his own problems and how much suffering Bakugou put him through. Heck, a lot of Izuku's self-sacrificing mindset is because of Bakugou and that's what's killing him now.
Izuku is going to lay into Bakugou, verbally and potentially physically, as he tries to let out all of his emotions, as shown by "Black Whip" striking out and wrapping up around Izuku. He tells Bakugou to take everyone and go, saying that they aren't strong enough to keep up and are only going to get in the way. It's basically here to play up everything that Izuku had in his mind as a result of his role and insecurities. But because of the development he's gone through, that doesn't matter to Bakugou. He only wants to help Izuku and reach out to him. Before he acted on instinct, now he's reaching out with the express purpose of trying to save Izuku breaking through the "Black Whips" in order to make it to Izuku and remove his cowl. It's meant to reverse their relationship at the start of the series, both in their positions in dynamic as Bakugou is saving Izuku from something threatening to envelop his whole body.
Returning to UA
Once Izuku gets back, it will mostly be the same, only now the ensemble will be made up of the people who Izuku has helped so far in the arc. I would want a moment between him and Inko as well. Just something sweet and nice, like her using her Quirk to pull the cowl off him to see his face. After this, we'll get some breather chapters and spend more time on Izuku mentally recovering and slowly becoming more and more accepting of himself. How many? As many as we can get, frankly. Seriously, this is such an important time for Izuku and the rest of the cast that they're going to need all the time they can get. Now, while the other characters will play a role, it will fall more to Izuku to evaluate and heal. Like staying on his own some more before slowly coming back into the fold after a period of time.
As for any character interactions, there should certainly be a moment between Izuku and Uraraka. Uraraka stuck her neck out and poured her heart out in order to get him into UA. There should be at least be a thank you from him to her. Then some time with Shoto and Iida as well, with possibly each of them reflecting on their own arcs, like Shoto telling him to take his time with this or Iida saying that he always wanted to go out looking for Izuku since that's what he would do. Maybe would could squeeze in something with Aizawa as well. Who, maybe after scolding from, Aizawa tries to connect his own feelings with Izuku's predicament. How Aizawa kept trying to push himself so hard after Oboro's death and how that affected his life. And while he always wants Izuku to push himself, he never wants Izuku to end up like him.
There will be attempts by Bakugou to make things better, and there will be a notable change in how he acts around Izuku, acting more like equals rather than Bakugou barely tolerating him. However, Izuku is still working through it and makes it clear he isn't ready to truly accept him as a friend. Not only would this be more realistic, but it would also add some more tragedy to Bakugou's "death", making it seem like he died without ever making proper amends to Izuku. And if we go with the idea that the "One For All" visages are less helpful and more confrontational, then maybe we could have a scene with him confronting the vestiges as well. You could have Izuku tearing off the black covering around his body and fully speaking his mind, making it clear that he is certain of how he wants to be a hero and how things have changed since they were around.
Then there is Mirio. Not only would this give us some time to catch up with Mirio, someone who we have barely gotten to see outside of a fight scene since he got his power back, but it would also finish up the comparisons between the two. Now that "One For All" is out in the open, we could settle Izuku's doubts on whether or not he was the right heir. Maybe Mirio could say something about how it was a blessing Izuku got it instead of him because now there are two great heroes, or that him taking it on would have been pointless since it would have only killed him before he had the real chance to be a hero. Maybe even throw something with Eri in here as well. Just something that confirms that, no, Izuku's being chosen was never a mistake and helps on his journey to self-worth.
Finally, I really want there to be a moment with Toshinori and Izuku. The two people who would be most affected by this situation and understand each other the most. This would be a follow-up to the confrontation Toshinori had with Stain. Toshinori simply being there and helping the students is more than enough. He needs to assure Izuku that he is proud of who he is and that he never once doubted his decision. It would be a genuine moment between the two. Not as the Eighth and Ninth Users of "One For All", not as the once or future Pillars of Society, but as Izuku Midoriya and Toshinori Yagi. A fine young man with a good heart, and an old man who did well in rebuilding his life. It would be a good punctuation to both Izuku's journey to rediscovering his own personal worth and Toshinori figuring out how to live a life outside of All Might.
#My Hero Academia#Quirks#Midoriya Izuku#Deku#Toshinori Yagi#All Might#One For All#All For One#Kaina Tsutsumi#Lady Nagant#Kai Chisaki#Overhaul#Katsuki Bakugou#Ochako Uraraka#Uraravity#Iida Tenya#Enji Todoroki#Endeavor#Keigo Takami#Hawks#MHA Meta#MHA Theory
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Posted this as a comment, but here's a repost to tumblr:
I think that unless something big centered around Kairi happens, I'll always have mixed feelings for her. When I'm playing the games, I don't pay her much mind, but when I go back and think about her, it's so frustrating. Sora was reckless when he stood up to Riku with no weapon but got rewarded for his courage and learning his lesson about the power of connection. Riku is reckless when he joins Maleficent but gets to redeem himself by going through castle oblivion and eventually becoming a keyblade master. Kairi though? As mentioned in the video, when she's reckless in KH2 by jumping into the pile of heartless, she needs to be given grace by Riku and his ability to apparently pull keyblades out of his bum-hole.
It's almost as if the narrative, the very universe of Kingdom Hearts is punishing her for daring to try to be more involved. It's sad. I get that that's the point, but when Sora gets to rebound and save the universe despite his mistakes, it can feel upsetting and unsatisfying to see Kairi be able to barely progress in terms of her position. I get, understand, and agree with some points about the people who say that Kairi sucks because she doesn't fight, having a bit of a sexist mindset. Here's the thing though, when it comes to action movies, cheezy shounen anime, or most relevantly, RPGs, fights aren't just two dudes slicining at each other with "d1ldo sticks," as TheGamer'sJoint calls, them.
Fights carry narrative weight behind them. They represent things. Roxas fighting Sora represented the former's last-ditch effort to get out of the latter's shadow and take control of his life, only to end in tragedy, confirming, for then, that nobodies are fated to be forgotten. Xion's fight with Axel represents the hardships of crumbling friendships and how some desperately cling to something that isn't working out.
Kairi though? She never gets that big narrative fight. Sure, there's the fight with Xehanort, but that's shared with Sora. I guess it's cool that she got to stick it to the guy who tried to "fRiDgE" her, but most of the truly emotional stuff comes from the scene before that fight. It showed how the relationship between her and Sora has changed over time, where she hasn't proven herself to some losers in the real world, Sora has come to recognize her strength and is willing to fight with her as an equal possibly giving her some confidence for the battle. Still, she never has that character that's a foil to her.
She doesn't have anybody forcing her to push past her limits. She's essentially her own cheerleader. I guess Axel's there too? They didn't do anything with that.
I used to feel irritated with how much of her character is centered around her relationship with and to Sora and Riku, but the more I think about it, it makes sense. Particularly with Sora, I always thought of them as parallels to each other. Sora is everything Kairi wants to be. Someone who defied fate and expectations by rising above almost any challenge that faced him in spite of his weakness. Kairi is everything Sora thinks he is. Someone who, despite their best efforts and endless potential, end up failing most of the time and having to rely on others, never quite being able to get out of those training wheels. Sora is what happens when you TRY to be the knight. Kairi is what happens when you are FORCED to be the princess.
I hope that KH4 can find time to make that undertone to their relationship, more of an overtone, even if they're just feeling the relationship change through their hearts or something. I feel like people (myself included) miss Kairi's character because, beyond our misogyny, we're so accustomed to arm candy bimbos in action media, that we'll immediately look at most leading female characters through that lens. I wonder if more people would appreciate her character, had KH been a character-driven TV show instead of an action JRPG. I would love to get some more side material of her, whether it be a short series, a 3-hour visual novel, or another rhythm game. Something that really picks her brain.
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Helloo! So, I'm just getting into this fandom as of like... a day ago. I want to read the light novels, but I keep getting hung up on the fact that they're unfinished. It's just I don't want to invest so much time and energy into somethig that I will ultimately be left unsatisfied with closure-wise, you know? From the research rabbit hole I've found myself in (how I came across this blog to begin with) it seems like the story has a few different arcs. If I were to read up to the last complete arc, would it wrap up in a nice place or would I still be left on a sort of cliff-hanger?
Thank you!
Hello!
I would say: maruma is a journey, not a destination.
Picture it as a mildly BL Dragon Ball.
Technically, the last available novel ends in cliffhanger.
However, if you read the manga, plus all the novels, plus all the extra stories,+ listen to the drama cds, (everything's available online), you might get a pretty good idea of how it's meant to wrap up.
The last arc available pretty much foreshadows how it will end, plus some of the extra stories throw in some nice stuff.
If you'd like to consume everything:
- I'd start with the anime, which is the worst adaptation of the novels. However the Japanese seiyuus are amazing, and if you listen to the drama cds those lovely voices will be easily recognizable and you'll associate voices and character design to what you will read in the novels.
If you'd like to skip the anime completely:
Understandable and you will miss very little, the character adaptation in anime was garbage. (the plot changes completely after episode 40) . However, if you'd like to know why a lot of people in the fandom have a completely weird idea of certain characters' personalities, well... that's because of the anime adaptation (which, as you can imagine, is the most popular format to consume this series).
As for my recommendation... I mean... I love this shit.
Watch it all, consume it all, bathe in it, roll in it.
If you wanna skip the anime, my recommendation would be, read all of the manga first to get an overarching idea of the plot/characters. Then, read the novels. along with the extra stories+ drama cds.
Here're some links to guide you a bit in terms of drama cds and extra stories
Drama cds:
https://marumafan.tumblr.com/post/626611889351327744/list-of-drama-cds-canon-rate-and-when-to-listen
Extra stories:
https://marumafan.tumblr.com/post/174365388404/hey-how-are-you-doing-i-found-out-about-kkm-some
I'm always here to answer questions, also my DMs are open.
tl;dr: anime-> manga-> novels+extra+dramacds
(There's more stuff like musicals(3), radio shows (6 seasons) and games (2?3?), so you can get really into it if you want to... there's a lot of media to get through) If you only read the novels... please read the extra stories too!
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I really like your response to the anon asking about what are the strengths of TFOTA. I think you nailed it regarding how Holly Black hit it out of the park, and I’m curious if you can expand on what you think some of the series missteps were. (TFOTA is an all-time fave for me, but nothing is perfect!)
For me, I think the way she structures her books into different parts does make them drag a little (especially some parts of the middle of The Wicked King). Like sometimes it feels like characters are spinning their wheels a bit while she’s setting everything up for the plot, but I ultimately don’t mind this because her plots are so well executed.
As always, love your breakdowns and critiques so just curious to hear more!
Ayyy thanks, glad you agree! :D
OO yes I heard that as an often critique of her stuff! I do think you're right and the slowness is present, but to me it's not an issue since the characters are fun enough for me never to be bored. I'm the kind of reader who can enjoy the slowest thing imaginable as long as the characters interest me.
Structured like the strengths post, my main issues. 1) The YA writing style of overexplanation. These books are sometimes great at leaving things unsaid, but other times they beat you over the head with the same thing over and over again or go into explanations for stuff you'd think is understood. Example: Jude constantly repeating it is messed up she lives with the guy who killed her parents in book 1. Like. Okay. We know. Trust us we didn't forget it's wrong to kill people and steal their kids. Of course, her constantly thinking about her trauma is part of her character, but it can be expressed in different ways - examples of how this was done well were "I love Madoc, I could love anyone" or "I get scared and I remember the smell of my mother's insides". 2) The repeating stuff from my list of pros... where it doesn't belong. Sometimes characters do or say stuff because HB wants them to do or say them bc she likes to write about it, but it makes NO sense. This was my main issue with TSH - for example, there is absolutely no reason for Oak and Suren's relationship to draw parallels with Jude and Cardan's to the point of repeating phrases, because they are so different that it jerks me right out of the story being told. 3) The editor is asleep on the job. There are quite a few basic editing errors - the amount of times characters smile or grin per page, and the continuity errors. This is the most frustrating aspect because it is so easy to solve!!!!! Just read it once more and click delete!!!! 4) Sometimes HB's "let's go back and elaborate on something from the past to give it a new dimension" works great, and sometimes it makes no sense. Examples: the Ghost betraying Jude because he was forced to, Locke being an Undersea collaborator and a gancanagh. 5) Taryn. She gets her own point because I love her and it's so unsatisfying how she ended up. She spends 2 books girlbossing and being such a sympathetic traitor, then gets pregnant and decides to stop being the worst offscreen and never does another plot relevant thing again. I don't know if HB got tired of her or if she realized everyone hated her and decided to sideline her so people would stop yelling, but MAN is it such a standout bad conclusion among a sea of good ones. 6) JUSTICE FOR OAK GREENBRIAR MY SHORT KING he was always described as tiny and underdeveloped for his age RIGHT up until he became a love interest, when he SUDDENLY started towering over everyone while still overflowing with short king energy. This is a joke to end the list on a happy note but also I would pay for a version of TSH where my monster girl has to lean down to kiss her bf
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I didn't even realize until you mentioned that Amren acts more like a High Lady than Feyre. Tbh I'm really shocked to see SJM treat the main character of ACOTAR that way. She's not done this with any of her the fmcs so this is very strange to see. Referring to Feyre as just "Rhysand's mate" is... certainly a choice. It's as if she's letting the audience know that she doesn't care about Feyre and it's just Rhys for her. This is worrying me for Elain because if she's shafting the main fucking girl who started it all for the dude she has a boner for what will she do with Elain because she clearly likes Az a lot. I'll throw the book away if it's just AzrielAzrielAzriel-a little bit Elain-AzrielAzrielAzriel. I know it's stupid because she always focuses on the girls more but lately I don't have any faith in her. She's just doing anything now and writes solely for self-indulgence.
Yeah, many of my mutuals disagree with me, I can totally see her doing an Azriel book under the guise of Elain's book. She'll do the bare minimum with Elain, or will make her another Aelin and will completely destroy her character, but then will write an Azirel book.
I know Ive been very negative about SJM lately, and I am not an anti, but the choices that she's been making with her writing, with her books, leave me very unsatisfied and frustrated.
I think everyone on ALL sides is over-theorizing and over-analyzing. She gives me no confidence in that she is actually going to follow through with any of her plotlines.
She just throws stuff in she kinda feels like writing about NOW, but then she might not wanna write about it later, so she just..won't. Right now, the ONLY theory that I am pretty sure she will write--out of the sea of theories and plot lines--is some kind of bond breaking/nullifying. That's it. Because she 'feels like it'. Beyond that, there is no consistency with anything. We could be in Prison, in Illyria, in Erilea, under ground....We legit dont have a villain right now! Who is it? Koschei? I don't know. Maybe. It's been 3 books and do we know anything more about him? Nope. Could she have set up him or another villain? Sure. Did she? Nope. Do we have Elain set up? Nope, not really. We haven't seen her since ACOSF. We haven't seen Feyre in ages. All we see is Azriel and Nesta, her two current obsessions.
I refuse to theorize or even pay attention to any theories. Kudos to everyone who still thinks she is a consistent writer with a 'plan', but anyone who goes and rewrites an entire book in 5 weeks, clearly has NO plan.
I'll write fanfics, post some art, talk to you guys, but I find myself not knowing anything with any degree of even remote certainty right now.
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It's way past my bedtime ans my cat is sleeping-purring next to me but I thought I'd post the process of the @ailani-reillata Ailaniversary art I made today just to talk a bit more about it
Disclaimer: doing traditional art is cool until you need to scan it or post a picture of it 😂 also kinda long post below so ofc no obligation at all to read it!
Phase one: Sketching the Idea
My inspiration for the posture was a Yara Flor comic strip I found on Pinterest. Yara looks over her shoulder and her hair falls on the side of her face, and I loved the way it framed her face and thought it would look great with Ailani's hair.
I drew a little doodle on the page to help me visualize how the hair would be divided, and focused on 3 main parts (the lines, the bubbles, the empty space) which would - supposedly- help me during the lineart stage. Below are images of the final sketch.
I was hesitant on adding details to her arms, such as the folds of a dress, but I was so anxious about ruining the drawing I abandonzd that idea. I was considering adding her tattoos and was still not decided at this stage of the drawing.
Phase 2: Line-ing the Art
Is that even a real word? Idk, I'm too tired to English properly so we will say it is. Following the sketching phase was naturalle the lineart phase, which is one of my favorite stage when drawing. I bought new inking pens too so I was able to test them out, and it went quite well!
As you can see, the ribbons, outline of the skin and facial features have been done with my new pens, and i was quite happy with the result! It gives a more natural look to the whole drawing in my opinion.
At this stage I decided not to add her arm tattoos and consider this version of Ailani as the one you would find in the early chapters of Begged and Borrowed Time, so before she would get her tattoos.
Phase 2.5: Line-ing the Hair
This stage has it's own part because it was really fun to do! The inspiration for the way I draw hair comes from @/ssavaart (aka Scott Christian Sava on Youtube). I've been following him for a while now and I'm trying to push my art beyond my comfort zone and try new stuff thanks to him, and having fun with drawing hair is one of these things!
Look how beautiful these curls are. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm really proud of the drawing at this stage 😂 it's the perfect moment where the inking went well and I have not yet ridked myself with the watercolours - so I always take a long sight (and tons of pictures) to celebrate reaching this stage without incidents.
Phase 3: Watercolours
Here comes the difficult part. It always makes me nervous because I always fear ruining my drawing and all the efforts I put into it by doing the watercolours. But I love the medium too much and if I want to get better I need to practice. So, testing the waters, I finally dive head first into this crucial stage.
The watercolouring goes well, I'm overall satisfied enough to take some pictures and even try to scan it, with the hope that the scanned rendering will be better than the usual "photographing and editing" I do with my phone.
Spoiler alert: the scan was NOT better than the pictures, and no amount of editing could change that. (Or maybe I am just very bad at editing.) So, back to my "photographing and editing" habits, I somehow managed to get a good enough result:
I still feel unsatisfied as I find these digital versions do not properly render the visuals I have on paper, IRL. With the digital versionsw the hair is either so dark we don't see the details, or too bright, the colours are too warm and light... And while Ailani looks light-skinned, the paper version has these visible brown tones that I struggled to find on the digital version, even when editing the pictures. The closest I got is the tone you see on the first picture, but the image is not lighted enough so the overall quality of the picture is a bit lessened by that.
Still, I won't complain too much, because overall it was a very fun drawing to do, I enjoyed every stage of it and I would love to do another piece like this! But for now I will go to sleep because it is Way Past My Bedtime 😂
If you've made it this far, thank you for your attention, feel free to let me know which stage is your favorite and what you liked most (or disliked most) about this drawing!
I for one really had fun doing Ailani's lips, as well as filling her hair, and colouring her eyes! 😊
#ailani#ailani art#I'm tagging just in case you wanna see more but again no obligation to read all of that or anything!#this post is mostly here to show the early stages coz I was so prouf of how smoothly it went!!#until the colours#it's always the colours 😂#but I hope you enjoyed the drawing anyway#I've actually been working on it last weekend but couldn't finish it until this saturday because of my exams week#which is over btw which means i finally has time to read Begged And Borrowed Time!!#and I'm really excited about that!!#so yeah that's all for me now is time to sleep because it's like 4:19am right now and I am huu tired 😂#once again happy Ailaniversary 💕💙#also yes we can't see my signature on the drawings I cut it out by accident when i cropped the pictures and was too lazy to retake pics etc#please pretend like you see my name signed next to her hair x)
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What's your alter ego like, actually? How did you come to create her? I get that this could be a bit personal so share anything that you think is "safe" to share, ofc. I want to get some inspiration, having an alter ego - one developed enough to even have her own distinct appearance - is really tempting, not gonna lie ;D
Putting this under the cut for those who want to read this:
One of my favorite ways of experiencing fiction are self-inserts; this is the main thing I do to explore the topics I'm not comfortable being public about, like psychology and violence. Self-inserts are different from writing an original character in an original universe because it is, plainly put, too much work if the goal is to focus on self-exploration. I use already existing universes and the characters in them to bounce off the ideas I have through, for the most part, dialogue, but I take note of the environments I put characters in as well. Since I both write and draw, I can fully focus on my perceptions of the original piece and the additions I make as opposed to commissioning someone else. The drawing I posted is a character I created many, many months ago before I had a solid idea of what I was doing and what the character meant to me.
To give this a backstory, I have always been into character design and I have always strongly identified with the fictional characters I liked. However, as I grew older, I felt less and less represented by other people's characters because there would always be a conflicting trait I was unsatisfied with. Knowing that only I could give myself proper representation, I started investing more of my time into my original work. I was drawn to a specific character type at the time, and one of my biggest motivations for improvement was wanting to come up with a design similar to this:
I didn't know what this original character was going to be at first, but would eventually decide on her being an "[insert fandom name] OC". She was a villain and the first one I've ever written, and at the time I had a very narrow view of what her appearance should be like. My logic was that if she had disturbing qualities, then she should look that way too since that was what some other artists did with their characters! Me thinking I "should" be creating such a personal design based on something other than me liking it should have been a red flag, but more on that later…
I have an unfinished story with her where I would write her interactions as perceived by other characters. Eventually, I figured out it wasn't a "character" I was writing, it was me trying on different traits and imagining myself in different scenarios (and observing them from the outside perspective) to try and understand what I was and was not comfortable with. Weirdly enough, even though I had spent a lot of time on her appearance and was in general satisfied with it, it was also the thing that bothered me the most. I liked her design, and I liked drawing her, but I always felt weird about utilizing her as a placeholder for myself and could never tell why. I have kind of been moving away from rationalizing everything, so I'm just going to straight up say what I see when I look at that drawing nowadays — I don't know why it didn't occur to me that one's personality could differ from their fashion preferences. I was fine with some of her overbearing traits, yes, but I couldn't get behind her intimidating looks or even associating them with something sinister in the first place! It wasn't until recently that I realized how much I was limiting my perceptions of other people and my personal expression to cultural standards (think flowers — kind, dark colors — evil). Preconditions like that are not an inherently bad thing to pick up on since you can try them out and either discard them or recombine into something you like, but it turns into a problem when they take over the creative decision like it did for me. Developing this character allowed me to resolve the "visual biases" I had that stunted my creative process, and I have since moved away from such a rigid approach to character design or even my own fashion sense. In a way, she's an incomplete version of me, so I don't identify with this character very much anymore.
If alter egos are something you already feel like doing, I suggest going for it. It was certainly the most comprehensive thing I've done to better my understanding of myself.
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ack the stuff you said about dsmp and its ending and stuff—i feel that. its like this painful nostalgia of what the thing used to be and the fact that it’ll never happen again… i get nostalgic over the lmanburg anthem lmao. im still having a hard time getting over it ahaha.
i honestly hate the ending but i suppose it had to end sometime. Season 2 getting canceled… like you said, there is some comfort in that, but at the same time its so sad to think that it’s finally, officially over. two years of watching funny block men play the funny block game. it was so fun.
is feeling this way over a silly minecraft server overreacting? maybe. but nonetheless theres still that sadness. i just pretend theres a real ending where the nuke doesnt blow everyone up and these amazing characters ive grown to love just live on in their happy little lives.
anyway just wanted to say this after seeing your recent post. in all honesty, i miss dsmp. but seeing that someone i look up to feels the same way i do makes it a little bit easier to bear, i think. so thank you./gen
Hello anon!!! I'm glad I was able to make you feel comforted and better with just a silly Tumblr post (which also was a bit of a rant haha)
Yeah, it's a painful kind of nostalgia. Which is a bit bitter (due to the nature of how ...the dsmp sorta had a very, rather than ending with a big bang, it was more sorta drawn out thin and had a more than unsatisfying ending. its okay,I think as a fandom we are all making our own au endings to replace that one haha)
And despite all the hardship around this dumb lil server, I don't think I regret getting into it. And I still teasure the story and characters so dearly.
I think you're aloud to have such strong feelings over a silly lil thing, cos I think we're past the point of thinking it is dumb to be so invested in a Minecraft server. It was so fucking cool, and not just the server, the fancontent. I would argue that was the thing that made it so loved and engaging to be a part of. The fan content was unmatched and filled with talent.
People who think it's dumb to have a generally fun time within a fandom and to mourn that when it ends, are boring. Yeah it was a Minecraft rp, but it was also the some of the funnest times I've ever had within a fandom.
The dsmp may have ended but the creativity that made it so great is still here, with the fan content and cc, who will go onto new things and continue to make great things and improve.
And besides the story and characters are still there. It's like putting one of your favourite book on a shelf. You can always revisit the story, maybe take something different from it after time.
And I'm sure there will still be fancontent created from the characters, I know I still plan on drawing and writing stuff.
I can't let go of these characters just yet haha.
It's just now there's room for more things, I don't think anything will replace what the dsmp was,I don't want that.
I guess what I'm saying is I'm excited to see what comes next!!! And I'm thankful for the experience of what the dsmp was.
#asks#dsmp#and my feelings towards this silly server#i still love it hhggg#and yeah not to point a finger at a certain problematic creator that kinda ruined it a lil towards the end#im still thankful for the two plus years of story and characters we got#its real bittersweet#damnit ccrimeboys and your grib you have over me#this ask was my excuse to ramble about my feelings on the dsmp haha#im excited to see whats next ...i mean im not that sad#cos ive still got hermitcraft and life series and other things still ongoing#and there's that qsmp that quackity doing that im excited for!!! and even the non Minecraft stuff some of the over cc are doing#like genloss and sorry boys and all that stuff#its exciting :')
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really long oc lore ramble
this post is just me rambling about oc lore but if you're interested then here!!
World-Building:
Okay okay so... the world that my Heaven/Hell ocs live in is basically just a more positive outlook on the Christian afterlife. My friend and I started developing it last year, but I think I've been more focused on it than he's been as of recently (he has a lot of other cool projects that he pays more attention to. He sorta lost interest in this one but he's still involved). We agreed that I would work on the Heaven side and he would work on the Hell side.
Things are much more tame in terms of torturous eternal punishment, but Hell is still a pretty wild place when compared to Heaven. Just imagine Las Vegas except it's always nighttime, and the crime is reaaally amped up. It's an extremely toxic place to find yourself in... but aside from that, it's pretty chill if you find the right people!!
In comparison to Hell, Heaven has a more rural look to it. There are grassy fields that go oooon and ooooon, and lot's of forests and gardens to gawk at. Since it's eternally night in Hell, it's eternally morning in Heaven. There are still cities in Heaven but they aren't as modern-looking and fast-paced as the ones in Hell are. They're still considerably busy, but not to the same degree. The town/community that most of my angel characters live in takes inspiration from victorian architecture, but I'm absolutely sure the art and aesthetics would vary depending on what place you're at.
Purgatory is less developed than the other 2 realms, but I think that's a bit fitting. It's like one of those towns that people often pass in and out of when traveling to other destinations. I would call it a liminal space, but I'm not sure if that would work since there are creatures living within Purgatory itself... just keep in mind that it's mainly a transitional place between Heaven and Hell. Since it's always morning in Heaven, and always night in Hell, it's kind of like mid-day in Purgatory.
The creatures that reside in the afterlife aren't just Angels and Demons. I kinda struggled to explain this a while ago but ummm... think of it like Splatoon. There are a bunch of different creatures around, but the main focus of the franchise is on the inklings and octolings. It's kind of like that but with Angels and Demons.
Since this is the afterlife, human souls reincarnate into Heaven and Hell pretty often. They're only able to come back as Angels and Demons, but actual birth can still happen in the afterlife. A handful of my ocs were born into the afterlife, rather than reincarnating into it after death. There are a bunch of different ways that you can make life happen... I think it's the intention that matters. Do you want to craft your child out of fire? Sure. Do you wanna shape your baby out of clouds? Go ahead, be my guest!!!!!!! There isn't much logic to it, but I think that makes it a bit magical and fun.
Here are some screenshots of me rambling about world-building on a private account:
Oc Lore:
I have a bunch of different original characters, but the main 4 I tend to focus on are Nattie (Natalia), Jaime, Moxie, and Thalia. I won't go into too much detail about them because I really want to make comics for them to reveal that stuff, but I'll still summarize their characters from the beginning of the story here. I have a few more that I've barely talked about, so I might update this post when I have them developed a little more.
Heaven ocs:
Natalia, a timid young angel with curly pink hair and tired, beady black eyes. She lives with her mom and has barely any social skills, which she absolutely hates herself for. She's very unsatisfied with her life and desperately yearns for more.
Amber, Natalia's mother and a staple to her community. She is loved by many and caring towards all, offering help and guidance to those in need. She's very protective of her daughter.
Atticus, a strong and and talkative angel with golden hair and a tall stance. He wears his halo with pride and takes his job very seriously. Unfortunately for him, half of the community is annoyed by his presence.
Sadie, a nonchalant and rebellious woman who does not give a single fuck about anything. She has a very bad reputation, but she doesn't care. She dislikes the seemingly perfect front that Heaven has and frequently thinks about how much she'd rather be in Hell.
Thalia, a tall ethereal being with very long hair and piercing eyes. She protects a special forest and similarly to Nattie, has barely any social skills, which she doesn't particularly mind. Despite being Natalia's only friend from Heaven, the two of them are unable to hang out as often as they did when they were little due to distance and scheduling issues. :(
Hell ocs:
Moxie, a demon with fluffy blue hair and round purple horns. She was reincarnated into Hell and decided to make the most of it by having fun. Despite being very friendly and wild, she still retains a very big sense of responsibility and often thinks before she acts. She works at a club with Jaime.
Jaime, a silly and energetic demon girl who was born into Hell! She's very friendly and grows comfortable around people quickly. She's a bit of an airhead and quite impulse as well. Jaime works as a waitress at the same club that Moxie works at, and she lives with her as well.
They all have their own stories that take place, but I've written more for Nattie, Moxie, and Thalia out of all of them.
I have sooo many more ocs but aghh!!! I draw the same ones over and over again all the time. I'll make introduction sheets for them soon.
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I'm making the weirdest comeback to this blog today, solely because I have no other blog I actually can post in the tags on but am NOT followed by people who know my partner.
Hi! How's it going? I've been absent from here for years, and by years I mean it's been at least 5. Lots have happened! But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here because I am haunted by some ace discourse I had here when I was like... 22.
Back then, I wrote something about how asexuals can still participate in sex for reasons that are unrelated to sexual attraction, such as baby-making or a desire to bond with a partner even if they themselves have no desire or drive for sex. It got a mixed response, for a controversial subject. Mostly positive - but some VERY angry individuals also told me that either all sex that an asexual goes through is rape, or they're a fake asexual.
So - fun fact - I've been on a journey here. For a good few years, I actually agreed with the latter points; I am asexual, and stopped being able to imagine situations in which I'd be comfortable having sex. I couldn't imagine it anymore and came to the logical conclusion that I'd been confused before and the rhetoric about inherent asexual nonconsent might actually be true.
The very concept of sex has been a very frightening, horrible burden on me since it became something that was within the realm of possibilities for me. I did not want any and I was despairing because that made me feel unlovable, like I'd be trapping a potential partner in an unsatisfying situation.
Then I grew up a bit more again, and began to realise it was less the concept of sex overall that was the problem - the problem is specifically that I don't want any. Period. However, the concept of giving my partner pleasure has always been an open question for me. On one hand, I am curious. On the other, the taste and consistency and smell of human fluids and crotch... frankly makes me want to puke. But what if said crotch was well-washed, with mild odor? Not something you've kept in your pants since last Saturday. What then?
I became familiar with the concept of stone butches. I felt... awed. That's a thing you can do with a partner? Give, and not want to be touched, and have both parties be okay with that? What if getting off is not the point of it, but being close and having fun instead? And I don't have to do anything I don't want to? A wild concept.
Another couple years - I met a person who was unbothered by my difficult relationship to sex. A person who was open to exploring and experimenting but had no huge ambitions for sex as a part of our relationship, and didn't care either way if it was going to be or not.
So, at the ripe old age of 31, after getting vaccinated for HPV for my own sake and going through a pointless set of STD tests to meet my partner in the middle with trust and safety, I felt comfortable enough to do science in the field.
And you know what I found out?
First - I am so incredibly, boringly, utterly asexual. Arousal? I do not know her. In fact, I barely know her name. This is now an undeniable, inescapable fact of me that I have proved in every single way a person can. And it's fine. Do I still kind of wish I wasn't? Sure. I do feel like I'm missing something, but on the other hand, I have a thousand other things I derive my basic animal pleasures from (like head rubs, or ice cream.)
Second - sex as a giving, not receiving, party is the exact same feeling as giving someone I love (in this case, a life partner) a massage. I don't get shit from giving a massage to them, and my arms will hurt after, but it's fun and it's intimate and it's nice because my partner likes it and it makes them feel good. Sex is the same. It was not groundbreaking, it was not degrading, it was not painful (other than for my muscles, my poor fucking muscles dear GOD), and it was fun and it brought us closer. It was fun enough to keep at it for four hours one day, but I'd again rather eat rocks than do that every day. The same way I'm not just available to rub your shoulders all day long, I have other things I want to be doing, but as an occasional thing - yeah, sure. Why not.
Third, it is a REALITY that I can exchange sex for massages. I can get a massage. I can leverage this whole getting my partner off into receiving nice physical pleasures for myself that I like and actively desire. And it's particularly nice after I've destroyed both of my wrists on the altar of their enjoyment.
So like.
Yes, sex repulsed asexuals are real and there are no circumstances under which one should be forced or pressured into any sexual act, or made to debate or defend their desires, wants, wishes, and lacks thereof. This is all sexual coercion, and at worst, it is assault. If you push ANYBODY who is not interested, you are a disgrace and I hope you eat yourself in your sleep.
However, sex neutral and positive asexuals also, apparently, do exist. I was right about at least one whole thing when I was 20. Look at that.
As a final word on this update nobody expected - I'm sex neutral. Sometimes the whole subject makes me feel like throwing up, most of the time I'm whatever about it, sometimes I'm curious about it the same way you're curious about trying a new dish or touching a fabric you don't know beforehand what it'll feel like. Unfortunately my own body is permanently disinterested and I'd throw up out of discomfort and spite if anybody tried to push me into receiving "pleasure", however, as long as my partner accepts this about me, I'm free to enjoy the science of it all, and the togetherness of spending time with my partner in a manner that is... deliciously heavy on trust and good intentions. It's nice. Having my boundaries respected is like. Extra nice.
That's it. Hopefully this puts my mind at ease about the angry reblogs from a decade ago. Probably not. You will haunt me to my grave, strangers on Tumblr.
#asexual#asexuality#sex neutral#sex positive#lgbt#this is not about Supernatural#however! I yet live
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