#i'll tell you about the rest in a different post cause this was way longer than i thought it would be
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Me coming to your inbox to ask about your horror comics like
FUCK YEAH!!!
ok pov you see me, in need of some good sustenance during the tmagp hiatus, in a unbecoming fit of nostalgia, i redownload webtoon.
webtoon reminds me of the days when things were simpler, when i didn't know what arc sin was let alone the fact that i would have to be able to draw it one day. but i've changed since then, the cutesy romances i was super into don't interest me as much anymore so what do i do? i start in the horror/thriller section.
ok so there are 3 that have gripped my brain and refuse to let go
(major spoilers obvs, tw for mentions of rape, sexual assault, violence, mental health issues, mental hospitals)
Silent Screams:
oh my GOD
this was nothing like i thought this would be
like the description thingy was giving finding a way out of being kidnapped vibes
but in reality it was SO MUCH DEEPER THAN THAT
i didn't realise it would be set in like the 19th century, so that was another cool thing as well
basically there's this guy named theo
he has really bad anger issues and he's super attached to his mum (✨mommy issues✨)
we find out that his mum got raped when she was 14 and had theo as a result, so they spent most of their lives struggling to get by
on top of that, the mum has some kind of chronic illness
theo is insanely protective of his mum and suspicious of men, he regularly gets into fights, especially with his mum's best friend who he doesn't trust
then his mum meets and falls in love with a doctor, who seems to be quite sweet, little bit nervous, like his feelings for her are genuine
but it's clear that my bro has other stuff going on, he's got an assistant guy who keeps reminding him to "stay on task" etc etc
(it feels very manipulative, like the line between master and assistant has been blurred, the doctor thinks he's in charge and calling the shots but the assistant is subtly manipulating him to do what he wants while letting the doctor think he is still in charge)
but yeah, they get married and theo and his mum is shipped off to a wonderful new wealthy lifestyle
but theo hates this guy, he knows that he's making his mum happy for now but he just doesn't trust it, especially the fact that he's also the mum's doctor, he already has a lot of power over her
also the doctor makes it clear that theo's attitude must be improved, to fit into their new high society life
so we open with the day before theo's 19th birthday
he's scared away yet another tutor due to his bad attitude (even though he technically is getting high marks)
and his step dad (who he is forced to call father) is not happy with him
it's clear from the get go that the doctor HATES theo, this is very much not a good relationship and theo hates the doctor as well
the doctor thinks theo's attitude is hurting the mum, theo thinks the doctor is putting too much pressure on him and is causing a rift between him and his mum (again, mommy issues)
anyway, the doctor tells theo that the mum had gone to town for a day, which theo finds highly suspicious cause like 1. she's ill how would she do that by herself and 2. she wouldn't leave the day before theo's birthday
the next day, the mum still hasn't returned, theo is obviously devastated
the maid attempts to cheer him up, which sort of works before she goes to the doctor's study to clean
what does she find in the doctor's study? a secret passage way.
what happens to her directly after she finds said secret passage way? she is hit over the head with a lamp and killed
theo comes running to find the maid dead and also (say it with me folks) gets hit over the head with a lamp
but not killed
he wakes up chained to like a prison cell in the basement
he is not doing well
but at least he was right! the doctor was evil!
so theo finds out that his mum is dead and the doctor has something to do with that death
but also that the doctor blames theo for the mum's death
(we find out later that the doctor accidentally gives the mum the wrong dose of medicine, so she passes out and hits her head, bleeding to death. the assistant encourages him to blame theo cause theo and the doctor had had an argument beforehand, which must've caused him to be distracted right)
then, theo wakes up to find his vocal chords have been cut - he cannot scream or make any noise
he is terrified, but he realises that the doctor sort of does have some weird freudian attachment to him because theo looks so much like the mum
so every night he whistles the tune that his mum used to play and the doctor sits in front of the cage and listens
one day he goes to wake up theo but can't so he panics and does what?
kisses him
HUH??? i hear you say. WHAT? and i agree
he then nearly sexually assaults him, until he flashes back to his own dad sexually assaulting him and is like OH WHAT THE FUCK WAS I ABOUT TO DO
(freud would have a FIELD DAY)
and then the assistant is like bro what about our work stop being weird about ur stepson
and then he's like oh yeah
so he sedates theo and then gives him a lobotomy
however, theo wakes up midway through the surgery, so it doesn't work
it turns out they wanted to make a human puppet that they could experiment on for medical reasons
as it happens, theo is normal for some of the time, but other times turns into a mindless puppet
the doctor is very annoyed and goes back to blaming him for the mum's death
and thus, ships him off to a mental hospital.
and that's where i got up to so far
#do you get it#do you see why i am brainrotting over it#it is so twisted and messed up#but in such an addictive way#i just#AHHHH#i'll tell you about the rest in a different post cause this was way longer than i thought it would be#hehe#thanks for asking <3333#love u forever#answered asks#horror comics
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I’ve never done a request before
I got my hair cut and the hairdresser messed up my bangs :((( people have been telling me it looks okay and not too bad but I can’t stop fixating on the fact she cut too much and the ends are choppy :(((
Can you make a post where Peter comforts reader after a bad haircut! Thx in advance
how did this get so long? bestie, you inspired me
Bangs are not a normal hot girl thing.
Bangs are a sad, hot girl thing.
And you were a hot girl, but you were not sad, but you still have bangs and now you understand why bangs and mental breakdowns are associated. Because you look like you’ve had a mental breakdown.
“It’s not that bad, baby. I’m sure of it.” Peter’s laugh echoes through the phone, you wish it would make you feel better, normally his childlike giggles and optimism could beat out the harshest, negative thoughts, but tonight it almost makes you mad.
“This is my vietnam, peter. We have to break up, you can’t see me like this.”
A bubbling laugh, “it can’t be that bad, it’s just different.”
You run your fingers though your new fringe, it tapers oddly at the ends, one side definitely longer than the other. It’s just hair but it’s making you cry.
“Imagine you go into Terry’s for a trim and he gives you a buzz cut, what then?”
Peter sucks in air, “I’d have to dump you, no one should ever see that.”
“So, you understand.”
Peter hums on the line like a game of jeopardy, “how about you let me be the judge. If it’s as bad as you say it is, I'll let you dump me.”
You tsk and shake your head on your side, you hear a siren blow by on Peter’s end. “See, that’s what we need to avoid, you can’t see me, your last memory of me needs to be a good one.”
Peter lets out a breath, it’s sarcastic sympathy. “Too late, let me in.”
You gasp, you leap off your bed and press your forehead against your window. When you close one eye and tilt nearly halfway around you can see the front of your building, sure enough your boyfriend is waiting to be buzzed in. In a panic you move to slap your hand against the bangs, you’re not ready, it’s so bad.
“Nuh uh. Go home, not happening.”
It was useless, he’d be climbing up the fire escape in ten seconds. You run around your room trying to collect things to hide your bangs behind.
“Don’t make me climb up there in daylight.” He’s pouty.
“I’m not, you can come back in three to six weeks when I don’t have bangs anymore.”
Peter ignores you, “twenty seconds and I’m climbing.”
You hold your breath, pressing back up against the window, you look at him. His phone pressed against his ear, he’s leaning against the outside gates. His gaze set on his wristwatch, he’s literally counting the seconds.
A snicker, “I can feel you watching me.”
“Unfair advantage.”
“Still looking, down to five seconds, baby.”
“I’m not doing it, we’re broken up, remember?”
Peter’s wrist lowers, he pulls away to look up at your window, there’s no way he can see you but he knows you’re there, it looks like he’s making direct eye contact.
“You’re gonna make me do this?”
“I’m not making you do anything, this could be considered trespassing you know. And if I were to pile more things on…” You’re speaking and watching him walk over to the side of your building, he’s on a mission. “this could be considered harassment, cause I did say we were broken up, and now you’re not..” He’s listening but not giving you any reaction, he tests the bar, you start to lose your train of thought, you really thought he wouldn’t do it. “you’re not.. You’re not stopping, peter, why aren’t you stopping?”
Peter pulls himself up with one hand, his feet resting on the bottom rung, one leg rises for the second step. You slap the glass, it makes him look up at your room. “I’ll let you in! I’ll do it!”
He narrows his eyes, he won’t move until you do. A whine sent you running to the front door, repeatedly hitting the button to open the door.
“Now was that so hard?”
“Manipulative!”
“See you in like, thirty seconds.”
“What’s with you and seconds?”
“Shush.”
You looked at your front door with crossed arms, just because you let him into the building doesn’t mean you’ll let him into your apartment. The doorknob wriggles, he couldn’t have thought it would be that easy.
“Honey, I’m home.”
You speak around a chewed nail, “no solicitors.”
“I had special permission to come up here.”
“No habla inglés?”
A chuckle, “you can do better than that.”
You think, one comes to you. “Actually, I don’t think my parents would like a boy in their home when they’re not here. Especially my ex boyfriend.”
A small thump against the door, either his forehead or a weak knock.
“Stop saying that, I don’t like it.”
Your heart tugs, you were just trying to be funny.
You rip the door open, “oh petey, I’m sorry. I didn’t-” you stop when you see his grin, he knows how to get you to open the door, tug at your heart strings.
“Evil.” You try to close the door, his hand catches it.
You narrow your eyes, he gives you a glance, “I’ll win.”
You grunt but let him in, quickly heading to your room where you can nuzzle yourself in between pillows. Peter’s just as quick, doing his best to catch up as soon as possible. “Let me-” He tugs at your arm, you shake it off, “no, you’re not seeing it.”
Diving into your bedsheets you fix the hoodie on your head, Peter follows.
“I’m gonna do it.”
His hands pull your hood away, he frowns at the beanie you pulled over your hair.
“Baby, it can’t be that bad.”
Your eyes glimmer, “it’s too short, and it’s all choppy and I hate them so much.” Your lower lip wobbles, all he can think to do is cup your face and kiss your forehead.
“Maybe I can fix it.”
He’s good at fixing things. You can trust him when he says that.
You perk up, “you can?”
Peter gestures to your hat, “let’s see the damage.”
You tug it off to reveal a pinned fringe, you unveiled it with shame. Peter shakes it out, you keep your eyes closed, you don’t want to see his reaction. Delicate fingers pulled at strands of hair, when he had it all placed he took an honest look at it, tried to see past his bias of you being the prettiest human in the world, and noticed you were right.
Not that he’d think you were lying, but possibly a tad dramatic. They came to the middle of your eyebrows, one side longer than the other, it almost looked like a ‘C’ curve. But, they looked good. They fit your face well, they make it highlight other features he had taken for granted. They just needed a little help.
“I can’t do anything about the length, but I can even it up for you.”
You still refused to look at him, “is it bad? Be honest.”
Peter moved his neck trying to catch your eyes, “they look really good, I love ‘em. I know it’s a little janky now but in two weeks they’ll be perfect.”
You look up, searching for a lie in his eyes. He’s telling the truth.
“It’s so short.”
He rubbed a thumb over your eyebrow, “just keep your eyebrows raised, they’ll never know.”
“Permanent botox.”
Peter grinned, he got you to feel better. He’s done his job, and it feels damn good.
He made a suggestive face, “wanna role play hairdresser?”
#peter parker x reader#tasm!peter x reader#peter parker blurb#tasm! peter parker x reader#peter parker fluff#tasm!peter fluff#peter parker angst#my writing
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Moar Buddy Dawn Shit in relation to this post
Buddy was dead for about 10 to 15-maybe-20 minutes. Kristen and Gorgug at the top of Freshman Year were only dead about 3 to 5 minutes and they still got some form of time in the afterlife, (side note: Gorgug not knowing what Orc Heaven looks like and being Deeply Fucking Terrified and shellshocked by the entire experience is So Juicy To Me, like. Something that should by all rights be familiar to him being foreign. Of deep spiritual significance, but not in the way it was 'supposed to be'; he didn't even know how it was 'supposed to be' at the time or after he learned it, he's still not really sure if it was ever a 'supposed to'.) so I'm quite sure Buddy experienced Something beyond the grave and chose to leave it for this nameless aspect of Ankarna. The version of her which exists as a result of her complete death and incomplete resurrection/preservation.
In that 10 to 15 minutes, Buddy passed into the place he was going. Perhaps some cornfield out on the edge of Helio's domain where Helio figured 'I'll get to him or he'll find me sometime, there's literally infinite time here'. Perhaps as a petitioner on the Astral Sea- wait, no, I'm thinking about Rolling With Difficulty cosmology, the Astral Realm is not a sea in Fantasy High. (also go listen to Rolling With Difficulty) Regardless of if he went to the afterlife the adults all told him he'd go to if he'd been a good boy or to some more limbo-like place, he had just enough minutes for the reality to sink in that he's Dead. He's dead and the feeling of a hand gripping his shoulder as if to hoist his assailant high enough to slit his throat presses like a cold weight on his skin. As if this body has skin, no, he's just a solid soul given form in this place.
So jarring. Resting dead in some corner of the cosmos like finding the one empty room at a big loud party where you've mostly been taking things in, sticking close to people you know, not doing anything you're not supposed to. Sitting down on the unfamiliar furniture or swaying idly in place as you listen to the murmur of this foreign world around you. Only it's not like that, not truly at all. You're not at the party anymore, the echoes of your life aren't some thing you're taking a break from to rejoin or building up the nerve to excuse yourself from to get a proper change of scene. There is no going back or moving forward.
He's dead. Buddy Dawn is dead.
How many minutes did it take him to lose composure? Did he even? When the ultimatum was posed to him, did he harden his heart to any regrets about abandoning his original faith, or did he relax into knowing he could live again, in service of something that reached for him and he reached back towards?
Why was he so chipper saying 'Dang, y'all, I worship a nameless god of rage.'? He didn't sound horrified by his decision in much the same way he didn't sound in touch with reality when he said 'Sometimes I raise my hand and magic that burns folks to a crisp comes out, but that's just the lord Helio working through me.' His death didn't change him so much as it fixed his gaze onto something new.
He is still a Cleric. Through and through. His soul needs a divinity to latch onto. And this is the first time he has latched onto a divinity wholly and completely for himself. He was not taught how to live for himself. He was taught how to live and die for a cause. For Helio. He earns a nice afterlife via sacrificing his autonomy to whatever the church tells him is good and right.
But he doesn't want a nice afterlife.
He wants another life.
And he no longer has faith that Helio will deliver him from any hardship, because even after he's just barely grasped how dead he is and has been for the past 11 minutes, his soul is wrent into an ultimatum by a different power. Go back to his body and continue living under a new banner, or be trapped in a dark, solitary purgatory which his soul may never be free from.
It's an easy decision, really. Barely requires any thought, only following a feeling. He no longer wants to stand by the god who allowed him to die so unceremoniously and so unfairly. He honestly feels more betrayed by Helio than he does by Kipperlily. Kipperlily hardly made any promises to him, just asked for him to be the party's cleric. He never expected her to do that, sure, but... His whole life he was promised that every bad emotion he ever felt in response to every wrongness in his life would (should, must, has to) simply evaporate away in the golden light of the corn god. And it's been an eternal 12 minutes, but he only feels worse and worse.
And if all Helio could promise him was a flat expanse of farmland overseen by someone who didn't even properly greet him when he walked in (if the celestial bureaucracy were even doing their jobs and funneled the soul of Helio's cleric to Helio instead of some cosmic waiting room or other), but this nameless deity can promise him a life for himself? Then by god he's taking that ultimatum, come back to life, sit up with a slightly surprised little smile and announce to the world (as he has been taught is right to do when you are devoted to a god) 'I worship a nameless god of rage!'
And he'll be happy with this choice-that-is-not-a-choice which he was betrayed and coerced into. Because it truly feels self indulgent to choose anything. To choose ragefully living for himself instead of obediently dying for an unfulfilling promise. He'll choose the intensity and the darkness because the gentle constant pressure cooker of walking in the light gave him nothing but sunburns and a slit throat.
#fantasy high junior year#fantasy high junior year spoilers#i love him#buddy dawn#kristen applebees#gorgug thistlespring#fhjy#dimension 20
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do you have any post adoption of spider headcanons? i live for your content about him and the rest of the sullies lol
Hi! I actually have been working on a longer post about this, but it is a tad bit of a bummer so I'll do a lighter one here!! Sorry if it takes me a couple days, which I have a feeling it will! You all know by now I'm a MASSIVE Spider Sully truther and I'm assuming this is in response to my recent post adoption Spider post, so here are my Spider Sully headcanons in that world (if you wanted a different au, Spider Sully at the Omaticaya growing up or Spider Sully in modern era or something else, please let me know):
-There are certain things about Na'vi life that Spider isn't actually used to, because he would go home to Hells Gate at night and was excluded. He is now forcefully included. Lo'ak, Spider, and Kiri play a game called 'Is this Spider or is this just weird?' where Spider has to guess if the thing he's unfamiliar with is a universal thing (the way they bathe, Spider has a shower in his bathroom at Hells Gate) or is this a weird Metkayina thing (the way Ao'nung chooses to climb up to the rock pools at the edge of the reef, definitely weird and definitely funny). It gets kind of cliquey when anything they do for weeks with the Metkayina kids devolves into the three of them whispering and giggling to each other. It almost ruins their entire relationship with Ao'nung, until Lo'ak caves and tells Tsireya what they're doing.
-Kiri, Lo'ak, and Spider are just weirdly cliquey in general. Tsireya, Ao'nung, and Rotxo hadn't noticed before with just Kiri and Lo'ak because they'd been missing the third musketeer, but now it's almost impossible to be around them. They have so many inside jokes and sometimes they all look at each other and have silent conversations with their eyebrows (Ao'nung never thought he'd be jealous of eyebrows) and facial expressions and then act like a decision has been made. It's just that the three of them didn't have many other close friends at home, not with a trust and a bond like the one they all have, so it's hard to adjust and add people. Tuk was natural because she grew into them, but going swimming with Rotxo it's almost hard to remember to include him. A distinct effort goes into the three of them unlearning their insular ways and letting new friends into the clique lol.
-All the Sully's are very protective of Spider for a long time. No one can even touch him for a couple months after he's back. Tsireya teaching him to breathe underwater still somehow ends in Kiri hissing at her when she goes to touch him. Kiri was always protective of Spider, but Lo'ak always treated him like anyone else. Most of his scars and injuries growing up came from dumb stuff Lo'ak suggested they do or accidentally caused when roughhousing. Now Lo'ak treats him like he's fragile, not letting anyone near him. It takes them a while to get back into their normal rhythm, or at least a new normal. Probably after some sort of dangerous thing Ao'nung convinced Spider to do goes wrong.
-Yeah, definitely the first time Spider is let out of any of the Sully's sight he's frat boy hazed by Ao'nung, who is NOT A FAN for the first month of so of his stay there. Ao'nung learned his lesson from the Three Brothers Rocks incident and was like leaving him right at the edge of the reef is good. Spider just attracts all danger though. Before he can be killed by anything, Jake's Lo'ak spidey sense goes off but Lo'ak is right in front of him so it can only mean one thing: now theres too of them. Neytiri finds Spider minutes after on her ikran.
#i am sure there are more of these#but I wanted to get something out for you so you don't forget me#and think i forgot about your ask lol#but yes there is a longer#sadder one coming i swear#miles spider soccoro#spider socorro#spider sully#kiri sully#lo'ak sully#aonung#tsireya#rotxo#jake sully#tuktirey sully#neytiri sully#sully family#avatar#avatar the way of water#james cameron avatar#melissa og#melissa on avatar (cameron)
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hey, i hope you’re doing alright! could i ask you to describe some of your favorite dreams with fawful? your art about your dreams is beautiful and i would love to hear the story behind some of it!
Thank you so much! I'm fine, I promise <3
How about I start this off by telling you about the first dream he ever appeared in? I went back and found a post I wrote back in early 2021 where I described it, so I'll be sharing that again here. The original time of this dream was in August of 2020.
For context this was a very difficult time in my life where I was intensely overworked at my job to the degree that it was impacting my physical and mental health horribly and causing me to question myself and my capabilities, so this dream couldn't have come at a better time than it did.
08/28/2020
I dreamed I was outside during a quiet rainstorm when a skeleton key fell out of the sky and landed at my feet. Around the end of it was tied a bright, red ribbon. I remember looking around and trying to find where the key might fit but having no luck.
I woke up.
08/29/2020
Tonight I dreamed again. I found myself standing in what can only be described as a white void, a place devoid of emotion or color… That is, until I looked up.
Hovering above were doors of many different colors and shapes, all of them unique in their own way. Upon observing each you could see various things happening around and within each one of them.
Some seemed to create music, others seemed to move as if they were alive. I could hear a quiet whispering inside a few, or knocking behind others. Inwardly, I knew they were all portals to other dimensions and worlds beyond my own. It was if I had found myself at the crossroads where the entrances to many universes converged.
My gaze then shifted downward where I suddenly realized I was holding the skeleton key from the dream prior in the palm of my hand, the end of it still wrapped in the same red ribbon. When I lifted my head back up, my gaze met a door directly in front of me: one that not only happened to be the same red as the ribbon tied to the key in my hand, but that was also the only door planted firmly on the ground. I knew the key must belong to it.
Just as I held up the key and started to walk forward, the door began to open on its own and a very familiar figure stepped out. It was Fawful, dressed in the same red cape I knew from Bowser’s Inside Story. He looked almost… lost? Like he didn’t entirely know why he was here. (Not that I can blame him!)
As he stepped further out the door, he noticed me and we locked eyes for the first time. There was a long moment of silence before he started to walk towards me, and when he was about four feet away he paused and just… stared. Everything about his expression said he was trying to figure me out, perhaps in an attempt to make sense of why any of this was happening at all. However, the longer he looked at me, the more his expression began to change… from confusion first, then concern, and then finally the most unexpected one of all: understanding.
And that’s when it hit me… Fawful understood. He knew exactly what it was like to overwork yourself. In the game, his minions spoke about how hard he worked, how stressed he was, and he himself lamented towards the end over the fact that he did his absolute best and still fell short despite it all. He was no stranger to any of this.
And just as this realization had hit me, I felt his hand on my chin. He was here now, directly in front of me with that enormous, beautiful smile of his that I had grown to love so much. At this point I started to sob, and in response he wrapped both of his arms around me in a tight embrace of what I can only describe as pure comfort and relief.
Things stayed like this for a while, and the dream seemed to melt away slowly until I found myself awake in my bed, my eyes and pillow beneath my head still wet with tears.
After that... well, the rest is history. I've had countless other adventures with him since, both in sleep and wake alike.
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hi jade! random, but i just wanted to ask how do u manage to post fics like every day? i haven’t posted one in nearly a week cause i either don’t have motivation or time :( i’m just so blown away by how you’re able to get all of your wonderful works out so quickly !!
Thank you gorgeous, that is so kind!
I don't mean to patronise you in any way shape or form at all and don't mean to assume anything about your process so I'll just say why I think it's possible for me, please discard anything that's not useful to you!! ♥
I think that I'm able to do it because I'm in the swing of it! If I can keep momentum I find it quite nice to wake up and write every single day, I really enjoy doing it when I have free time, I prefer it to reading and drawing most of the time, so I don't think I necessarily have to feel motivated to start because it feels fun writing what I like to write. But that isn't to say I don't get demotivated of course I do, and the way I fight that is to be kind with myself and give time for the well to fill back up with water like playing games on my phone or going out for some fun for a few days!
I know this isn't always possible but sometimes sharing what you're writing with a friend or a past wip or asking for some feedback can help motivate you again after some time too
Also, I think that the quality of what I manage to post every day isn't necessarily my best work. sometimes it is! But I have to say that I notice my work is way better in my eyes when I just take my time (like on the longer fics) but sometimes you don't want to take your time! I think it's the difference between a pretty pencil sketch and a pretty painting, they both have their beauty but one will be more 'impressive' than the other! And I'm telling you this cos I think it has to do with my motivation too, like having a 'reasonable expectation' for what you're creating, or just trying to not stress too much about the end product, I find that makes me super demotivated when I think my work isn't as good as it could be and I try to think back to that metaphor and therefore stay motivated.
I don't think there's a right or wrong amount to create though and I think one work a week is perfect. Some times I don't have the time to write no matter how much I wish I did, and then when you don't have much time, when you DO have time you need to use that to rest and it creates a mean cycle of disappointment! My very best advice is to be kind to yourself and try not to punish yourself for going at your own pace and not having as much time or motivation as you want or even need because those things are out of your control! I hope you can feel better about it soon ♥♥♥
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Dollhouse 💛 22: No better way to break in a new body
Hoseok’s job is simple: He enters the host’s body, he confiscates or terminates the target, and he gets back into his own body by dinnertime, easy peasy. Until a client comes along who becomes as obsessed with his life as he becomes with theirs, and the lines between their realities begin to blur.
PREVIOUS | INDEX | NEXT
💛 Hoseok x Namjoon, Jungkook x Yoongi, Hoseok x Namjoon x Yoongi x Jungkook
💛 word count: 11.1k
💛 hired assassin au, sci-fi, body swapping, graphic violence, infidelity, body dysphoria, lgbtq, smut, fluff, angst, poly, nsfw, smut, 21+
💛 chapter warnings: death threats, quadruple body swap foursome (we did it, folks!!!) oral, vaginal & anal sex, squirting, multiple orgasms, possible subspace, safe word check-in,
💛 beta read by @neoneunnajimin
💛 posted jan. 2023 (happy new year!) | read on ao3
"We got another letter, Hoba." Yoongi's voice comes through the phone receiver calmly. "This one is from Busan, and the handwriting looks different."
Hoseok feels a surge of panic but does his best to keep calm. "What does it say? Or, better yet, what do you want to do?"
Yoongi hums, and Hoseok imagines his shoulder rising and falling in a shrug. "I don't really know what to do about it. We're all set to fly out to Osaka in the morning, and I think it will be good for us. Maybe Jeongguk and I will stay in Japan while all of this breezes over. I'll bring the letter, though, so you can have it tested."
The thought of Yoongi and Jeongguk being in Japan for an extended period of time makes Hoseok feel heavy with dread, but he knows that it would be for the best to have them far away from everything. And, assuming the mission in Osaka takes a little while to complete, at least he will be on the same string of islands.
"Although I want to be selfish and disagree with you two being away, I agree that staying there while things breeze over could be best. And obviously, my team will do anything we can to ensure your safety. If you want, we can get a security team to keep eyes on you."
"Ah, that won't be necessary, but I appreciate the offer. I think Jeongguk and I can handle ourselves."
Hoseok wants to argue, to insist on appointing a team to watch over them, but he knows that both Yoongi and Jeongguk know better than anyone else what they are dealing with, presuming the threats are coming from somewhere inside the seedy network that their fathers have established. Perhaps, if they can get old man Jeon out of the picture altogether, the rest of the roaches will disperse, rendering the threat more or less useless once they no longer have either of their leaders telling them what to do. At least, that is the hope.
"I'm going to get some sleep," Yoongi mutters with a yawn, causing Hoseok to yawn in return. "We'll see you at the airport at seven."
"Sounds good, hyung," Hoseok says, and the line goes dead.
"Ready?" Hoseok asks as Namjoon's leg bounces and his hands fidget. Not since their wedding has Hoseok seen him so nervous.
It has also been quite some time since he has seen his husband with dark brown hair. They decided that, in the event that he was seen in Osaka by Jeon's men last time, a change of hair plus some glasses might be a bit of cover. It sounds silly—reminiscent of a spy cartoon where the enemy barely hides in plain sight—but, for civilians who are only only briefly spotted, a simple disguise actually works wonders.
"As ready as I'll ever be," Namjoon responds through a plastered smile. Being that they woke up at 6 AM and will have plenty of time to settle in before they have to meet with their contact in the evening, they have decided to take a page out of Jeongguk's book and wear hoodies and sweatpants—Hoseok in black and Namjoon in grey.
"I know this mission is nerve-wracking, but I promise, you're in good hands. Your body will stay unharmed during the course of this mission."
Namjoon stands from the brown leather couch, humming in response, and when he faces Hoseok, his eyes fall to where Hoseok was shot before he turns his gaze to the floor. Hoseok pretends he doesn't notice.
"Will I be aware of what is happening while you're in my body?" Namjoon asks as they gather their luggage and begin to walk down to the front door.
Hoseok is surprised by this question, and he turns to Namjoon, knitting his eyebrows. "Did they not go over all of this during your evaluations?"
"They did, but...I don't know...being told how something feels or what might happen is different from experiencing it. What if my brain or body reacts strangely to the jump?"
"We'll practice once we get to the hotel," Hoseok assures as he opens the front door and slides his feet into his sneakers.
Normally, they would have conducted trials to make sure a new agent can handle jumping, but everything about this process has happened faster than usual, and Namjoon couldn't keep missing work before the trip. Since they have plenty of time to spare, Hoseok will conduct a jump and find out if the other two want to help loosen Namjoon up a bit. Maybe overwhelm him a little while he gets the feel of a new body.
The morning air is chilly, causing Hoseok to tense up and shiver. Hoseok keeps his eyes on Namjoon as they wordlessly put their luggage into the trunk of their black four-door car, and Namjoon slides into the front seat, putting on his seatbelt robotically. The drive to the airport is quiet, and Hoseok opts to take the wheel since Namjoon seems so preoccupied. Ordinarily, his husband is the one who is cheerful in the face of emotionally arduous situations, and seeing him so stressed and quiet wears on him a little—settles over him like a storm cloud. He hopes it is not a bad omen.
At least traffic is not too bad, only backing up as they get close to the airport. Government officials have their own parking area, so Hoseok is able to exit the queue quickly enough and make his way across a mostly vacant lot, into a large concrete structure, to his dedicated spot on the ground level. He puts the car in park and turns to Namjoon—who stares straight ahead—and places a hand on his arm. When Namjoon flinches, Hoseok lets out a soft exhale.
"If you're this worried, we won't jump. I can find a new solution; hire someone to take your place. It's fine."
Namjoon's throat bobs, and he shakes his head. "I can do it. It's alright."
"You're sure?"
With a nod, Namjoon unbuckles his seatbelt, opens the door, and slides out of the passenger seat. Hoseok takes a slow, fortifying breath before getting out and joining him, popping open the trunk and retrieving their luggage. As they walk toward the airport, Hoseok links his arm around Namjoon's, tugging him until their elbows are hooked. Namjoon cracks a smile, glancing sideways at Hoseok, making the vines around Hoseok's ribs bloom.
As they approach the departure entrance, two familiar figures come into view, stepping out of a taxi. The taller of the two has a hoodie and mask obstructing his face, wearing matching joggers, and the shorter of the two has a baseball cap pulled over his eyes with a mask covering his face, similarly dressed, and with long, dark curls framing his pretty pale neck. Both head to toe in black.
"We could have given them a ride," Namjoon grumbles.
Hoseok shrugs. He knows better, at this point, than to try to impose on the two of them. If they wanted a ride, they would have suggested a carpool.
As Hoseok and Namjoon approach, Yoongi and Jeongguk spot them, straightening out as Jeongguk lifts a hand and waves. Namjoon returns the wave, and they wait for cars to pass until they can cross the street. Happiness swells in Hoseok's chest as Yoongi tilts his head up enough for Hoseok to look under the rim of his cap and into his eyes.
Namjoon seems to relax, as well, for which Hoseok is grateful. Things between the four of them have been far from perfect since the beginning, but slowly, gradually, they seem to be figuring it out. Slowly, gradually, they are melding into a unit full of understanding and admiration. All they have to do is make sure Namjoon and Jeongguk feel like equals, and he thinks the four of them could truly become unstoppable.
Hoseok has been wanting to talk to them, more concretely, about how everyone feels about continuing whatever this relationship is, as a group. He thinks doing so in Osaka, for old times' sake, could be pretty meaningful. Sure, what started there may have been messy, but he likes the facets of their mess that involve the happiness and inclusion of everyone.
Once there is a break in traffic, Namjoon steps forward, gently tugging Hoseok along, and they cross the two-lane street. As soon as their luggage wheels are lifted onto the curb, Hoseok and Namjoon unlink their arms and greet the two men with hugs, one at a time.
Jeongguk is first, and he pulls Hoseok in tight, filling his lungs with a deep whiff of fabric softener. They release, and Yoongi steps forward, tilting his head up with a smile Hoseok can read in his eyes before pulling him close. Hoseok holds his luggage handle but manages to wrap his free arm tight, pushing his fingers into long dark brown hair as he breathes in tangerine and musk.
For this trip, The Boss has booked a private flight. With no identification cards being scanned, nor credit cards being pinged, their entry into Japanese airspace can be done virtually undetected by suspecting eyes. Hoseok and Namjoon strap masks to their faces and pull their hoods over their heads as they enter the airport, walking past all the check-in counters, to the far left, where a member of Hoseok's team stands in waiting with a security guard. With a flash of their identification badges, the team member leads them to a secluded gate for military personnel, and out onto the tarmac to their small jet.
Their luggage is collected, and they board the plane one by one, up a short set of steps. The jet is nice, with eight large, comfortable seats in rows of two, and plenty of space to spread out. Hoseok allows Namjoon to pick the window seat of his choice before following and sliding into the spot beside him. Yoongi sits in the window opposite, and Jeongguk takes the aisle.
The Boss is already in Japan, having left yesterday, and has the hotel suites set up for them. A small part of Hoseok was hoping for the penthouse suite from their previous trip, but they are staying elsewhere this time, in less of a tourist-driven area. Perhaps it is best for them to return to a new location, seeing as Namjoon's departure from the last one was less than ideal.
Namjoon's forehead is pressed against the small, ovular window, and Hoseok gently grabs his hand, locking their fingers together. This makes Namjoon smile softly, but he does not move from where he is hunched. Luckily, the flight is short; if all goes well, they will be in the air and landing within two hours.
As expected, the flight takes no time at all—in part because Hoseok reclines his seat and drifts off as soon as the wheels are off the ground. Whether from nerves, he is unsure, but he slept like shit the night before and struggled to wake up in the morning, only pulling himself together for Namjoon's sake when he seemed much more anxious about the trip.
When Hoseok wakes up—jolted by the airplane wheels touching down—he sits with a start, sucking in a little drool that had dripped from the side of his mouth. Beside him, Namjoon groans and stretches, and outside, scenery breezes by, coming into focus as the plane slows to a taxi.
"That was quick," Namjoon grumbles groggily.
"We both fell asleep right away," Hoseok mutters through a yawn. He turns to his left to find Yoongi leaning against his window with his eyes on the horizon while Jeongguk remains curled into his side, still fast asleep.
As the airplane comes to a halt, a staff member appears from the cockpit to check on everyone and prepare to disembark. Outside, a set of steps is wheeled to the door, and Hoseok undoes his seatbelt and gets to his feet, slowly stretching his limbs. Hoseok hears Namjoon shuffle and stand, and he begins making his way from the airplane, confident that his husband is right behind him.
The afternoon sun is bright and warm, and Hoseok squints, holding onto the thin guardrail as he makes his way to steady ground. The air is still and thick, and it takes a moment for him to get his bearings. He cannot put his finger on it, but there is a bit of a tense feeling looming in the otherwise bright and welcoming sky. Perhaps it is fatigue, or going into another somewhat stressful mission, this time with his husband involved, but something feels...off.
Footsteps pull Hoseok from his thoughts and he turns to find Namjoon exiting the plane, followed by Jeongguk—rubbing sleep from his eyes with his palms—and Yoongi, whose hands are on Jeongguk's shoulders, steering him. He smiles sweetly at the sight, then turns his attention to an attendant who is retrieving their luggage.
In a bit of a daze, the four of them amble through the airport and come through the other side, climbing into a large sedan that is waiting in arrivals. Hoseok and Namjoon get into the far back and Yoongi and Jeongguk sit in the middle seats. The driver takes them into the city, over the familiar river, to a large, angular building close to a warehouse district.
The car pulls around to the side of the building, then to the curb, where the driver places a call on a cell phone. Jeongguk makes a move to exit, reaching for the handle of the door, but the driver holds up a hand for him to wait as he says, "Boss, we have arrived," into the phone. More dialogue is exchanged at a muffled volume, and Jeongguk sits back while everyone waits for instruction.
"You have the top floor," the driver states after several minutes, turning his body to project to his passengers. "Meet at the penthouse and The Boss will give you keys to your suites."
"Sounds good," Hoseok says as he leans forward to tap Jeongguk on the shoulder. "Let's head up."
Jeongguk reaches once more for the handle and opens the door, and Hoseok does the same, opening up the far back and sliding out, back into the hot afternoon sun. He squints as he exits, pulling his hood down over his eyes to block out some light, then makes his way toward the trunk, to begin retrieving everyone's suitcases—all of which are black, making Hoseok chuckle; somehow it feels so fitting for their group.
As they all get situated on the curb, the driver double-checks to make sure they have everything, then slips Hoseok a key card that gives them access to both the top floor and the penthouse. Then, they bow and part ways, with Hoseok leading the charge through the side door, using the key to get inside. A smell hits them—air freshener that is more stifling than it is inviting—and Hoseok feels grateful to be wearing a mask, blocking out as much of the scent as he can.
They find an elevator and hit the call button, then wait for it to arrive. Hoseok stands with his head tilted downward so that his eyes cannot be seen by anyone who may exit, and as the elevator dings to announce its arrival, he hangs back to allow what looks like a small family—based on their legs and feet—to vacate. Thankfully, the somewhat large elevator is empty, and they pile on, then make their way up.
In the stillness of the afternoon, with only the groan of the elevator as floors pass by, the ominous feeling that looms over Hoseok grows. He cannot put his finger on it, and he, once again, chalks it up to the mission at hand and tries not to dwell on it too much. It is, after all, a bit of a big deal that all four of them are going in on this one together. And, of course, there are a lot of complicated feelings surrounding the plan to execute the father of one of the team members.
Hoseok remembers the fact that Yoongi has killed his father, and he closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale. The feeling of the elevator settling, followed by the sound of the elevator doors opening pulls Hoseok from his trance, and he stands up straight as Namjoon is the first to exit.
"The penthouse should be in the center of the corridor," Hoseok says as they all shuffle out into the hallway.
They were not given room number or location information. Luckily, the room is clearly labeled Penthouse Suite, making it easy for everyone to find. Hoseok knocks first—a signature single tap followed by three quick taps—to let staff know he has arrived. Then, he uses the key card, watches the panel on the door light up green, and turns the handle to enter.
Although they are in a different hotel, the penthouse is oddly reminiscent of the one at their previous spot, and the déjà vu that hits Hoseok is far less romantic than he expected. The carpeting has a different gaudy pattern, in blues and golds, but he instantly thinks of the burgundy and gold that is etched into his mind; of the early morning of stumbling down the hallway, into the penthouse, to find Yoongi and Jeongguk had deceived him; Namjoon falling to his knees—falling apart completely—before taking an early flight back to Korea without him.
The furniture is all different—mostly reclaimed woods and modern lamps and sconces—but the bed is in the exact same position with the jumping equipment sitting on the pillows, just as he remembers, and it sends a chill along his spine as the vines around his ribs tighten. If the others feel the same level of discontent, nobody voices it. All for the best, Hoseok thinks; he does not want to rehash the past that badly, after all.
Everyone removes their masks, hoods, and hat as they glance around and settle in. Both Yoongi and Jeongguk reach for Namjoon's hair to muss it up in their hands and compliment him on the new color, and Hoseok can't help but feel pride swell in his chest as Namjoon blushes and swats them away. The natural tone truly is gorgeous, but Hoseok thinks Namjoon would look good in anything.
"Well, I would suggest we sit," Yoongi grumbles once the laughter has died down, "but I have no idea where the couch is."
"Why is the bed in the main room?" Namjoon asks, and Hoseok glances around to find a television and fireplace on one of the far walls. "Aren't penthouses set up like apartments?"
"We have everything moved," The Boss responds as she turns a corner, coming from another room within the suite, and she smiles at everyone as they bow to her. She wears a loose black blouse that is cinched at the waist over a long, black skirt that is adorned with a floral pattern. "We like to have everything immediately accessible to those of you who will be jumping, so we always switch the bed for the couch."
Hoseok has thought in the past that it seemed excessive for them to rent the entire suite when nobody seems to sleep inside. Staff are all given individual rooms and, in the past, would take shifts to be available in the penthouse. Even so, although Hoseok and Yoongi are able to jump themselves, Hoseok is surprised to see there is nobody but The Boss around to keep an eye on them.
And The Boss does not explain herself. Rather, she approaches Hoseok and Yoongi to hand out two keys to each suite and a third key to Yoongi for the penthouse. Then, she turns to Namjoon.
"Namjoon-ssi, shall we do a test run?" she asks, holding her open hand toward the bed. Hoseok turns to find Namjoon staring ahead at the equipment, white as a ghost. He makes a shallow nod, then clears his throat to mutter a soft, "S-sure."
"We can do it first," Yoongi rasps, voice low and almost indifferent. "Not that we need to jump, but we have done it before. He can see what it looks like."
"Sounds fine to me," The Boss says, resting her hands on her hips as she waits for Yoongi and Jeongguk to get into position.
Jeongguk rounds the bed and lays first, keeping his shoes on as he kicks his legs up onto the comforter. Yoongi does the same on the nearest side of the bed, wiggling into position once he is on his back. The Boss approaches Yoongi first, removes the little piece of scalp and rubber that covers the entry hole, and plugs him in, then she rounds the bed and does the same for Jeongguk.
The control panel sits on a deep window sill on Jeongguk's side of the room, and The Boss begins to slowly turn dials, watching a screen that gives information about their individual brainwaves.
"Gentlemen, are you comfortable?" The Boss asks.
Yoongi hums and lifts a thumb in the air, and Jeongguk says, "Yes, ma'am."
The Boss nods. "Going to perform the jump in three...two...one."
From where Hoseok and Namjoon stand, there is no indication that anything has happened. If they were to approach and stand over the men, they would be able to see their eyeballs darting around behind their lids as if they were in REM sleep, but otherwise, they are perfectly still.
"They should be coming back to us any second, now," The Boss announces just as Jeongguk's body jerks and he gasps, then mutters, "Fucking hell," while Yoongi's eyes slowly blink open.
"Sometimes you jolt upon arrival," Hoseok says, turning to face Namjoon while keeping his eyes on Yoongi and Jeongguk. "It feels like a hypnic jerk, which happens when you dream of falling and suddenly wake up. Other times, it feels like an elevator gradually reaching its destination, with a minor jolt as you awaken."
The Boss approaches Jeongguk's body and unplugs him first.
"Ah, so it's not that bad," Namjoon mutters.
"It's disorienting and can be slightly unpleasant, but yes, not that bad. I've never jumped and wound up experiencing pain of any kind."
Then, The Boss rounds the bed to unplug Yoongi's body.
Namjoon hums. "That's good."
Both men sit up and turn to Hoseok and Namjoon. There is no indication whatsoever that they are in one another's bodies, and, in fact, Hoseok is always hesitant to believe a jump has been performed, despite knowing how the technology works. There is always some level of suspending disbelief until one or both parties make it obvious.
"See," The Boss says, turning to Namjoon, "easy peasy!"
Namjoon clears his throat and nods. "Alright. I'll try it."
Suddenly, Hoseok feels worried. He has performed countless jumps, but now, knowing that his big dumb cutie is going to lie down and have his consciousness ripped from his body and placed in a different one, Hoseok feels incredibly anxious.
Namjoon walks around the bed to where Jeongguk's body sits with his feet hanging over the edge. Jeongguk's body watches Namjoon approach, then he stands, gently places his hands on Namjoon's face, and mutters something low and soft that is hard to make out, making Namjoon's face break out into a sweet smile.
"Thanks, Yoongi-hyung," Namjoon says as Yoongi—in Jeongguk's body—stands from the bed and Namjoon sits down.
It takes Hoseok a moment to get his bearings and approach the bed, and when he does, Jeongguk is already standing and joining Yoongi at the foot of it. The Boss assists Namjoon with plugging him into the receiver and getting situated, and Hoseok takes the liberty of uncorking his own port, settling his head into the metal and rubber device, and reaching back to plug himself in.
"All set?" The Boss asks as she returns to the control panel and sits in front of it.
"Ready," Hoseok says as Namjoon responds, "As ready as I will ever be."
"Close your eyes," The Boss instructs, but Hoseok has a hard time doing so, staring up at the ceiling as worry swirls inside him at an alarming pace. He takes a deep breath and finally lets his lids flutter shut, his exhale coming out shaky.
"Nervous, Hoseok?" The Boss asks, and Hoseok pulls his mouth into a thin, annoyed line.
"Of course I am."
"You'll both be fine," she responds, as if that is even remotely helpful. Hoseok knows they will both be fine; being told so does not abate his anxiety.
"Namjoon, you will hear and feel a little bit of static, and you may also hear a popping sound. Just breathe through it."
"Yes, ma'am," Namjoon responds in a voice so level, you would hardly know he is worried at all.
"Ready to jump in 3...2..."
A ringing can be heard as everything goes black and suddenly white. Then, the high-pitched noise fades into a low buzzing, and Hoseok jolts.
As Hoseok opens his host body's eyes and blinks, he glances around and realizes he is, in fact, on the opposite side of the bed. Quickly but carefully, Hoseok reaches up and unplugs the receiver, then he slowly sits up, turning Namjoon's head. Hoseok's body is also sitting up, and Namjoon has Hoseok's hands held up to his face, inspecting them slowly while The Boss stands by his side.
"Take it easy," The Boss instructs. "It is often very disorienting for a person to see their own body being piloted by someone else, so I want you to take a deep breath and center yourself before you turn and look at your husband, understand?"
Namjoon nods Hoseok's head and says, "Underst—holy shit—I mean, uh, s-sorry. Y-yes. Yes, I understand."
This makes The Boss chuckle. "It is quite strange to speak and hear someone else's voice, is it not?"
With a hum, Namjoon says, "So fucking weird."
Even after all these years, seeing and hearing his own body being piloted by someone else is something that sends a chill through Hoseok. He has become better at adjusting to it now, but it is always something that takes a little bit of time. Namjoon is a rational man, but this is something that skirts along the fringes of rationality. This is altogether very unsettling.
Slowly, Namjoon turns Hoseok's body to face him, and Hoseok feels the heart in his husband's body begin to rattle wildly between his ribs. He cannot fully sort everything about it which gives him anxiety, but attempting to gauge how Namjoon might react is certainly at the top of the list.
When Namjoon makes eye contact with himself, he appears in shock. Worry and confusion flash over Hoseok's features before they relax, and Namjoon starts laughing. It is a soft, nasally chuckle as he holds eye contact and attempts to get his bearings. All things considered, Hoseok thinks he is doing great.
"Weird, huh?" Hoseok asks, hearing Namjoon's deep voice speak.
At the sound of his own voice, Namjoon laughs harder, making Hoseok join in and lighten up, lifting his worries. Everything is fine, Namjoon is good, and they have nothing to worry about.
"Take it slow getting out of bed," The Boss instructs. "If you would like to walk around in Hoseok's body and get used to it, I encourage it. Go to your rooms to unpack and get used to using someone else's skin, and when you are ready to return to your own body, you can either call me, or Yoongi-ssi can help you."
Hoseok gets up first, adjusting to the change in bulkiness. The height difference between them is not quite as noticeable, but the heaviness of Namjoon's limbs and overall body is. As he walks around the bed to join everyone, Namjoon slowly stands.
"It is far stranger than I expected, but also far more normal," Namjoon comments as he swings Hoseok's arms out to the sides, up and down. Hoseok cannot help but feel endeared.
"I have disabled mind link on my end for the time being since Namjoon most likely will not be able to control which thoughts go where," The Boss says with what Hoseok detects as a hint of a smirk. "If you need to get in touch, shoot me a text. I will be here watching television and minding my own business."
The four of them gather their luggage and bow to The Boss before exiting. Jeongguk steps out into the hallway first, inspecting a room card that he has pulled from Yoongi's pocket. Then Yoongi joins, turning to Hoseok and muttering—in Jeongguk's low, playful voice, "Our room or yours?"
Hoseok smirks, then he turns to Namjoon, allowing the door to close behind them before asking, "Are you up for it?"
"No better way to break in a new body," Jeongguk rasps in Yoongi's deep register.
Hoseok half expects Namjoon to be shy and say no, and is pleasantly surprised when he beams, "Sure! Sounds like fun."
"Meet us in ten?" Jeongguk asks. "Or do you need more time?"
Hoseok turns to his husband with a grin and says, "My body is bottom ready; is yours?"
Namjoon tongues the inside of Hoseok's mouth and responds, "We'll be there in 10."
"Room 1306," Yoongi says, "See you soon."
Yoongi and Jeongguk turn to the left and head down the corridor. Namjoon shoves his hands into Hoseok's hoodie then joggers before finding a card and pulling it out. Scrawled on it is a room number, and Hoseok leans in to have a look.
"1312," Namjoon says.
There are not too many rooms on the upper floor, but because they are so large, they are spread out. Hoseok and Namjoon turn right and head toward their room, linking hands as they drag their suitcases.
"This is so weird," Namjoon muses, and Hoseok turns to find him glancing around wide-eyed. "When I'm just observing, things feel mostly the same, but there are some slight differences. Your body feels lighter, and when I look at you," Namjoon looks over and smiles, "I have to look slightly up now instead of slightly down."
Hoseok watches his husband check himself out before he continues, "I see why you're so obsessed with me, Seok. I'm pretty hot."
"Wow," Hoseok chuckles. "Not even five minutes out of your body and you are already drooling over yourself."
"Can you blame me?" Namjoon asks, gently nudging a shoulder against Hoseok.
"I cannot," Hoseok responds, shaking his head. "I've been married to you for years and I am still obsessed."
They reach their room, which is at the far end of the hall, and tap the key over the black, rectangular magnetic plate, below the handle, watching for a green light to flash before Namjoon turns the knob and enters. Unlike the suite they were in last time, this one is more like an apartment, with a dining table and chairs stationed near a small kitchen, and couches and lounge chairs facing a television at the far end of the space.
Hoseok toes out of Namjoon's sneakers, kicking them off to the side near the wall, then pads through the room, toward the bedroom that is through a doorway, off to the left. He feels grateful that this room more or less has nothing in common with the one they stayed in last time, hoping to create much more positive memories this time around.
Rather than unpacking, they wheel their suitcases toward the bed, then drop the handles. Namjoon's case topples and falls to the floor, making the two of them giggle as Namjoon approaches, wraps Hoseok's arms around Hoseok, and pulls them nose to nose.
"Let's see how it feels to kiss myself," Namjoon mutters as he slots their lips together with a smirk.
Even with their bodies switched, kissing Namjoon feels just like kissing Namjoon. The sweet, faint smell that hits Hoseok's nose—a mix of skin and spit—is slightly different from what he is used to, but familiar to him as his own fragrance, and it mixes nicely with the faint smell of Namjoon's familiar skin and spit. Namjoon tentatively licks and hums just the same, but the sound is a bit higher-pitched and raspy.
When they pull out of the kiss, Namjoon smiles and takes a step back, hands still draped over Hoseok's—well, his own—shoulders. He still seems to be handling everything extremely well.
"Shall we head down soon?" Hoseok asks, having no concept of how long ago they agreed to meet in ten minutes; nobody bothered to check the time.
Namjoon reaches into Hoseok's pocket, pulls out Hoseok's phone, and pauses momentarily, as if his mental system has begun to buffer. Then, he chuckles and hands the phone over to Hoseok, muttering, "I believe this belongs to you."
Hoseok reaches into Namjoon's pants pocket and grabs his flip phone out—light and square and also foreign in weight—before handing it over as he takes his own. Then, he shoots a text off to Yoongi.
Hoseok:
I don't know how long it has been, so just let us know when you are ready.
In the same moment that he sends that text, he receives one. He has to bite back a grin.
Yoongi:
I know we said 10, but we're ready whenever.
Hoseok:
Jinx?
Yoongi:
Haha! I guess so.
Hoseok:
On our way.
"Ready?" Hoseok asks, taking his own hand while brushing his own hair out of his own eyes with his husband's pretty fingers.
"Ready," Namjoon responds, flashing Hoseok his own devastating smile.
Hoseok takes the lead, tugging Namjoon along, through the suite to the door. His pulse races, and the vines squeeze and release, and squeeze and release.
"Does The Boss know what we're up to?" Namjoon asks as Hoseok opens the suite door, stepping out into the hallway.
"She must," Hoseok answers simply.
"So, am I really linked to the three of you telepathically?"
The door closes behind them, and Namjoon reaches out to test the handle and make sure it is locked.
Hoseok shrugs. "Try it."
There is silence at first, and Hoseok wonders if Namjoon really is trying. They walk hand in hand down the hallway, in the meantime.
"...hear me?" Namjoon's voice suddenly calls inside Hoseok's head.
"Almost got it," Hoseok thinks back. "Try again. Focus a bit harder on whatever you were doing."
Another brief moment of silence passes as they approach the penthouse door. Then, Namjoon's voice calls again. "Can you hear me?"
"Loud and clear, baby," Yoongi thinks back, causing Namjoon's skin to break out in goosebumps as Hoseok bites back a smile.
"I felt your hand flinch," Namjoon teases.
"You mean your hand," Hoseok responds playfully, nudging his husband with his elbow.
As they approach room 1306 at the far end of the hall, Namjoon releases his hand and snakes an arm around Hoseok. Rather than knock when they arrive, Namjoon thinks, "Open up, daddy."
When the door swings open a short moment later, Yoongi is standing—in Jeongguk's body—wearing only little black briefs. He leans into the doorway, extending Jeongguk's arm while wiggling Jeongguk's eyebrows up and down.
"Hello, darlings," Yoongi says with a grin.
"Hey, handsome," Namjoon responds, approaching first to wrap an arm around Jeongguk's skinny waist and pull Yoongi in for a kiss.
Hoseok stands back watching the scene, trying to wrap his head around it: Namjoon, in his body, kissing Yoongi, who is in Jeongguk's body.
"Hoba," Yoongi calls over Namjoon's shoulder in Jeongguk's pretty voice. "Gonna stand in the hallway all afternoon or come join us?"
Butterflies kick up as Hoseok says, "I would come in if you weren't blocking the doorway."
Namjoon slips into the room and can be heard greeting Jeongguk as Hoseok approaches Yoongi, wrapping both arms around Jeongguk's waist as he steps forward, walking Yoongi backward into the hotel room.
"I have something you can come in," Yoongi says, wiggling Jeongguk's eyebrows once more.
Hoseok chuckles at the double entendre and shakes Namjoon's head. "Awful, and yet it works on me."
Yoongi palms at Namjoon's crotch and Hoseok hisses from the feeling as blood rushes toward the warmth. "What was he thinking, wearing grey sweatpants? Been checking out his dick imprint all morning."
"Wow," Hoseok whines, feigning offense, "you just want me for my husband's cock."
"So true," Yoongi responds, slipping Jeongguk's fingers into the waistband of the grey sweats to tug Hoseok further into the room. "I need your husband's cock to split my boyfriend's tight pussy open. Think you're up for it, baby?"
Jeongguk's lips are soft and sweet as Yoongi leans in to kiss Hoseok, who smiles while muttering, "I do think I'm up for it, daddy."
As they enter the living room, Jeongguk is busy undressing Namjoon, pulling the black sweatshirt over Hoseok's head and stripping his t-shirt off.
Hoseok stops to watch while Yoongi leans in and says, "Our bodies always gravitate to one another, just as our consciousnesses do. We just can't stay apart, can we, Hoba?"
The vines squeeze until Hoseok feels nauseated, and he nods and swallows a lump as he pulls Yoongi in for another kiss. As Hoseok licks into Jeongguk's mouth, making Yoongi whimper, another groan of pleasure sounds out in the room, and Hoseok breaks the kiss to glance over to the couch to find Namjoon—in Hoseok's body—sitting naked on the couch with Jeongguk—in Yoongi's body—down on his knees, swallowing Hoseok's dick.
"Let's join them on the couch," Yoongi groans, tugging at the shirt that suddenly feels too hot on Namjoon's skin, "I don't need any prep and I want to ride you."
Hoseok tears his eyes off Yoongi's body pleasuring his own as arousal courses through him, and he begins to walk toward the couch, allowing Yoongi to pull him along. When he passes his husband and takes a seat beside him, he reaches to the briefs around Jeongguk's hips and says, "At least sit on my face first."
As Hoseok settles back on the couch, Yoongi begins to strip from Jeongguk's briefs, revealing his pretty, neatly groomed pussy. Hoseok sits forward to yank Namjoon's grey sweater off, tossing it aside before also pulling off a white tee. Then, he settles back against the cool fabric of the large tan couch and watches as Yoongi rubs Jeongguk's pretty hands up Namjoon's thighs and begins to gently yank at his waistband.
"Wanna choke on your husband's big fucking dick, first," Yoongi groans, looking up at Hoseok through Jeongguk's eyelashes from the floor where he has settled on his knees. "Then you can taste my boyfriend's sweet cunt."
Each breath Hoseok takes feels labored as Yoongi begins to tug away the grey sweats and baby blue briefs beneath. Beside them, Jeongguk continues to slowly suck on Hoseok's cock while he and Namjoon both have their eyes on Yoongi.
Yoongi sits high on Jeongguk's knees and licks up Namjoon's cock slowly, swirling Jeongguk's tongue teasingly, pulling deep, pleased groans from Hoseok, who absolutely melts into the couch.
"Fuck," Hoseok whimpers, staring up at the ceiling to get his bearings before turning his gaze back to Yoongi.
Namjoon's body reacts to pleasure slightly differently. Whereas Hoseok feels arousal flood him from limb to limb, Namjoon instantly becomes lightheaded, almost overwhelmed. Heat covers him like a thin sheet and his body trembles with every touch. It is no wonder Hoseok usually has him whimpering and falling apart quickly.
As Yoongi skillfully licks and sucks Namjoon's cock, Hoseok feels practically downed by desire. Jeongguk's mouth is warm and wet and sinful, and Hoseok reaches to thread his fingers into the dark, overgrown hair and tug.
"Fuck," Namjoon whimpers, pulling Hoseok's attention. "I'm gonna come."
The sound of Namjoon moaning in Hoseok's voice seems to spark Yoongi to suck harder and faster, and Hoseok feels himself steadily begin to chase a high of his own, gripping and gently yanking on Jeongguk's hair. Beside him, Namjoon falls apart and turns into a shaking, sobbing mess as Jeongguk sucks him dry.
Hoseok is not positive he could handle more than one orgasm in Namjoon's body, considering how quickly Namjoon tends to go into subspace at times—he is unsure whether the phenomena is linked more to the brain's comprehension of physical feeling, meaning Namjoon took all of his subspace tendencies with him to Hoseok's body, or if physical sensation plays a large role, and he, therefore, is susceptible to slipping off into the clouds, as well. After all, being fucked while in Yoongi's body was so overwhelming, at times, Hoseok worried he might die.
So, to be safe, he tugs on Jeongguk's hair until Yoongi is pulling from Namjoon's cock with thick lines of spit connecting them to one another. "I don't want to come yet," he mutters, effectively blue-balling himself. "Come here, sit on my face."
With a grin, Yoongi licks Jeongguk's lips, then crawls up onto the couch, caging Hoseok in with Jeongguk's hands and knees. Hoseok slides down into a slouching position while Yoongi stands on the cushion with one leg straight and the other knee bent and resting on the backrest, beside Hoseok's—well, Namjoon's—head.
Hoseok wastes no time using Namjoon's large palms to grip Jeongguk's ass and hold Yoongi steady while he licks over Jeongguk's cunt. His movements are tentative at first—flits of the tongue to part Jeongguk's lips and explore. He tries to remember what Yoongi taught him, thinking back to the first time he ate Jeongguk out.
With the flat of Namjoon's tongue, Hoseok licks firmly and circles over Jeongguk's clit, finding a rhythm while Yoongi tangles fingers into Namjoon's hair and moans. Then, Hoseok begins alternating between firmly licking and gently sucking until Yoongi is gently grinding Jeongguk's hips to the rhythm and losing himself to pleasure.
"Fuck, Hoba," Yoongi whines as Jeongguk's legs tighten and tremble, urging Hoseok on.
There is movement on the couch beside them, and Hoseok glances long enough to find Namjoon getting bent over the arm of the couch while Jeongguk begins to stretch him open. Although it is his own voice that calls out in pleasure and hisses in pain, Hoseok can't help but feel incredibly turned on by the sound. Just knowing Jeongguk is using Yoongi's thick, pretty fingers to open him up makes his husband's cock twitch.
Hoseok continues to lick and suck, squeezing Jeongguk's ass and giving it soft smacks from time to time, just to make Yoongi whimper and fall apart more. He has no idea how long he spends with his husband's face buried between their friend's thighs, but he devours his pretty cunt like it is his last meal, savoring every taste, touch, and sound.
Yoongi grips Namjoon's hair tightly, pulling Hoseok from his thoughts. The closer Yoongi seems to get to coming, the harder he grinds against Namjoon's mouth, to the point that Hoseok simply holds his tongue out for him to use. Each time Yoongi moans or curses, Hoseok hums and groans, adding to the chorus of debauchery, until, finally, Yoongi trembles and sobs, and Hoseok can taste Jeongguk's slick, heady release grow stronger.
As Yoongi pulls away and crashes down on Jeongguk's knees, crawling to straddle Namjoon's hips, Hoseok sits up straight and grabs onto Jeongguk's ass to help as he lines himself up with Namjoon's cock. Despite claiming to not need any prep, Jeongguk's pussy is a tight squeeze and Hoseok crashes Namjoon's head back against the couch as Yoongi very adamantly sinks down onto it.
"Fuck," Hoseok groans, feeling like he might blackout from pleasure. "Baby, slow down."
"Baby?" Yoongi teases as he raises and lowers Jeongguk's hips, spearing himself a little more on Namjoon's thick cock with each stroke. "I thought you were my baby."
"I am," Hoseok frantically responds, pulse booming inside his head. "Your baby. Always your baby."
"Such a good boy," Yoongi moans, settling onto Namjoon's lap to grind against him in slow circles, plunging Namjoon's cock deep inside. "So perfect for me."
"Thank you, daddy," Hoseok whimpers.
Yoongi stills, settling on Namjoon's lap just long enough to allow Hoseok to catch his breath. Then, he wraps Jeongguk's arms around Namjoon's neck to hold Hoseok close as he lifts Jeongguk's ass and slams it back down, over and over again.
The feeling is so intense and good, Hoseok practically screams. He has no idea why pleasure in Namjoon's body feels so different—almost brand new—but he feels wholly intoxicated. Despite how many times he has had sex jumped in someone else's body, the varying degrees of sensation still takes him by surprise.
Beside them, Namjoon gets onto the couch on Hoseok's knees, draping Hoseok's arms over the backrest while Jeongguk positions behind him and slowly begins to stretch him on Yoongi's thick, pretty cock. Hoseok has to look away, too worried that the sight of Yoongi's body fucking his own might make him come much faster than he intends to, focusing instead on the pretty body on top of him.
Yoongi rides Namjoon's cock while holding Hoseok close, whimpering and moaning in Jeongguk's pretty, pretty voice, and Hoseok feels powerless to pleasure, gripping onto Jeongguk's hips tightly while he chases his high. He never wants this to end—never wants to return to a droll reality of murder and deception for hire. He only wants to know this feeling, right here.
"Fuck, Joonie's cock is so big, I'm gonna come," Yoongi whines, lifting and slamming Jeongguk's hips at a more frantic pace. Hoseok remembers what Yoongi told him about Jeongguk being able to orgasm from penetration after he has come already, and he does his best to hold off until he can reach at least one more high.
Jeongguk's cunt squeezes tightly as Yoongi comes undone, seemingly so ensnared by bliss that he can no longer move. Hoseok lifts and holds Jeongguk's hips just enough to begin hammering up into him, forcing the rest of the orgasm out while Yoongi grips tightly to Namjoon's hair and sobs.
"Please, please, please," Yoongi begs as Jeongguk's cunt flutters perfectly around Namjoon's cock, drenching it in his release.
Yoongi stills, falling against Hoseok, unable to continue moving, and Hoseok wraps Namjoon's strong arms under Jeongguk's thighs and lifts, standing from the couch and rotating until he is placing Yoongi down on Jeongguk's back and positioning himself between thick, spread thighs, knees digging into soft cushion. Hoseok wastes no time fucking Yoongi hard and fast, making him scream and sob at claw at Namjoon's arms.
"Touch yourself," Hoseok commands, watching as Yoongi shakes Jeongguk's head, sobbing that he can't handle anymore.
"Can you really not handle more?" Hoseok asks.
From the other side of the couch, Jeongguk calls—in Yoongi's deep, raspy voice, "What color are you, Yoongi, baby?"
With a sob, Yoongi responds, "Green!" to which Jeongguk says, "Good boy; you can take more. Touch yourself for Seokie-hyung."
Yoongi lifts Jeongguk's pretty, tattooed hand and reaches between Jeongguk's soft thighs, rubbing gently in slow circles. Hoseok can feel his pussy squeezing and relaxing, and he gently wraps one hand around Jeongguk's neck, watching his eyes widen desperately, as he fucks Yoongi nice and deep.
"Come for me once more," Hoseok growls, feeling himself teetering on the edge of completely falling apart.
The sounds of skin slapping against skin, punctuated by moans, gasps, and sobs, fill the suite in a beautifully lewd euphony of depravity. Hoseok closes his eyes and does all he can to hold off from coming—he just needs to last a little while longer. But in his mind, all he can see is Yoongi. Yoongi's pretty brown eyes and full lips. Yoongi's dark, wavy hair and pale skin accentuated with sakura hues. Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi.
The dam threatens to break, sending a jolt through Hoseok, who gazes down at Jeongguk's spasming, fucked out body as he comes one last time. Release sprays from Jeongguk's drenched pussy, running in droplets down Namjoon's thighs.
"That's it, Yoongi," Hoseok groans, finally allowing himself to let go. "You feel so good, baby."
Yoongi sinks Jeongguk's nails into Namjoon's shoulders, slowly dragging them down his arms, and Hoseok sobs and moans, feeling a dizzying wave of pain mixed with pleasure.
"I told you," Yoongi grits through Jeongguk's teeth, voice weak and breathy, yet insistent, "you're my baby."
"Y-yes, daddy!" Hoseok cries as he fills Jeongguk's cunt with spurt after spurt of hot, viscous fluid, trembling and convulsing through his high. He falls forward into Jeongguk's arms, panting and gasping as pleasure continues to erupt through him in waves, and Yoongi holds him close, wrapping him in a tight hug.
"That's it, baby," Yoongi mutters, rubbing Jeongguk's hands down Namjoon's sweaty back. "You made me feel so good. Made me come three times. You're so amazing."
Hoseok cannot, for the life of him, catch his breath, and he buries Namjoon's face into Jeongguk's shoulder as he heaves through each shattered inhale, feeling himself drift as the sounds of Jeongguk fucking his husband can be heard from behind him.
Hoseok must have fallen asleep. He comes to with his husband's soft cock still buried in Jeongguk's warm, wet cunt, feeling fucked out and lightheaded. As he grumbles and attempts to sit up, Yoongi holds him tight, rubbing soft, warm hands up and down Namjoon's back.
"There you are," Yoongi mutters sweetly in Jeongguk's soft, soothing voice. "How do you feel, baby?"
"Tired," Hoseok groans.
The sound of the television pulls Hoseok from his thoughts, and he lifts Namjoon's head to glance in the direction of the noise and find some old-timey cartoons playing. There are no longer sounds of the other two fucking, meaning they must have finished as Hoseok drifted off.
"How long have I been out?"
"Not long," Yoongi responds. "Fifteen or twenty minutes, maybe."
"I must have been tired."
Hoseok sits up onto Namjoon's knees, feeling his husband's heavy, soft cock slide from between Jeongguk's legs. Warm arms wrap around him and pull him until he's crashing backward, into another naked body, and he looks up to find his own face smiling down at him. Namjoon smacks a kiss against his own forehead.
"How do you feel, Seokie?"
"Great, but a little out of it," Hoseok responds, allowing Namjoon to drape him haphazardly against himself. "I've never blacked out after sex before."
Namjoon hums. "I have, but usually I am still at least somewhat cognizant of my surroundings."
Hoseok is well aware of Namjoon's habit of slipping into subspace, but never visualized how it might actually feel. He wonders if having jumped consciousnesses adds to the disorientation, and the brain's likelihood to log off.
They sit for a little while longer until The Boss calls Hoseok and instructs them to be ready to rendezvous early in the morning. Their contact has not responded to any calls, so they are pushing off the meeting that was meant for tonight.
Not wanting to risk bleeding the first time Namjoon experiences being jumped, they all get dressed and go down to the penthouse to return to their own corporeal forms before ordering a mess of sushi and rice wine to be delivered to Yoongi and Jeongguk's suite. Thankfully, The Boss is not around to potentially pick up on how all four of them smell like sex.
The four eat at the dining table, then move with the extra bottle of rice wine into the bedroom, where Yoongi pulls Hoseok into a deep, eager kiss. "I want to fuck one more time in our own bodies," he groans, giving Hoseok goosebumps.
"You act like this is the last time we will ever get to fuck," Hoseok teases, instantly feeling a pang of sadness and regret deep in the pit of his stomach as the words leave his lips. Yoongi's eyes widen, and his mouth falls open, but he is interrupted.
"I could go for round two!" Jeongguk pipes up, and Hoseok turns to find his husband being dragged into an equally needy kiss.
"Alright," Hoseok responds, pulling his black tee off once more and backing Yoongi toward the bed. "Let's fuck again, daddy."
The four of them tangle together on the bed, with Hoseok and Yoongi initially paired off, and Namjoon and Jeongguk together. Yoongi slowly fingers Hoseok open—though it doesn't take much, since he is still stretched from earlier—turning him into a whimpering mess and praising him for being so good; the best he has ever had. Although Yoongi's movements are deep and sometimes rough, his glances are soft and loving, and at times, almost sad.
Once Hoseok is sobbing in Yoongi's arms past the point of overstimulation with Yoongi's long, thick cock buried inside him, Jeongguk and Namjoon are touching, groping, and joining in on their fun. Namjoon uses his mouth to lick Yoongi clean and get him nice and hard again while Jeongguk begs Hoseok to stretch his ass, desperate to be double penetrated while choking on a cock.
By the end of the night, they collapse onto a fluid-covered bed, tangled together by weak limbs and heavy promises for more. Hoseok falls asleep with his arms around his husband in a cloud of familiar musks and colognes, and he thinks this may just be the best he has ever felt.
The next morning, everyone wakes up and hobbles off to the en suite, discovering a large shower stall with several overhead jets. They all gravitate toward one another once under the streams, touching and groping more than attempting to clean themselves, until they are right back to succumbing to desire, taking turns performing oral sex on one another, knees digging into the hard, tile floor. Jeongguk is the one who initiates and is happy to take all the blame.
Hoseok and Namjoon get dressed in their tees and sweats and make their way back to their suite in a rush, with very little time to get ready before needing to return to the penthouse suite and begin the next phase of their mission. And perhaps it is for the best because the chaos seems to distract Namjoon from being nervous.
The two of them dress simply, in black button-ups tucked into black slacks. Hoseok styles his hair down, hanging over his eyes, and Namjoon slicks his back, wearing thick-rimmed glasses as a half-hearted disguise. Then, they put on wingtip dress shoes and pat down their pockets to make sure they have everything they need before leaving the suite and heading to the penthouse. Hoseok reaches into his slacks pocket and fishes out the key cards, finding the correct one and returning the others, as they approach. They open the door to find the penthouse empty, and they walk into what was once the bedroom to have a seat on a large, tan couch.
Thirteen minutes pass before The Boss enters the suite. She looks exasperated. Sitting down on a wooden chair that she has pulled near Hoseok and Namjoon, her shoulders are slumped forward, she barely adjusts her posture as the two of them ask whether everything is okay, only glancing up with a half smile before turning her gaze back to her hands, which sit rested on her lap. She wears a charcoal grey pantsuit, and Hoseok tries to remember the last time he has seen her in anything other than a dress or skirt.
"Bad news, boys," The Boss begins. "Our informant is dead."
This is certainly a great inconvenience, but hardly anything to worry about, Hoseok thinks. Surely, they have other leads and can brainstorm what to do next.
"Dead?" Namjoon blurts out, worry in his tone.
The Boss hums and shrugs. "He was found last night in a warehouse in nearby Ikuno-ku with a bullet between his eyes. It took authorities a while to link him to us, and I only just got word about an hour ago."
"So we have to find some other way to meet with old man Jeon," Hoseok says, running through a mental list of men from their last visit, trying to remember if any had been from his side. "We can try to sort it out once Yoongi and Jeongguk get here."
The Boss clears her throat. It is small—an action most people would find innocuous. But it sends a chill through Hoseok; something is wrong.
"Yoongi and Jeongguk will not be joining us," she finally says, glancing up.
"Oh?" is all Hoseok can bring himself to ask. He can tell there is more that The Boss is not saying, and he does not want to get carried away making assumptions or forming expectations.
The Boss stands, slides her hands into her pockets, and says, "I have sent Yoongi and Jeongguk away for the time being. They are still on the archipelago of Japan, but they have been given burner phones and strict instructions not to contact anyone for at least a week. Someone may be onto us, and they need to get away from here, quickly. I will be sending men from the combat division to find and eradicate Jeongguk's father, putting an end to the contract, and the two of you will be flying home within the hour. I am sorry for such an abrupt change in plans, but I cannot risk anything happening to any of you, again. Please return to your suite to pack; a car will arrive in fifteen minutes."
Hoseok takes a deep breath, then lets it out slowly, attempting to frame the information in a way that makes it seem as positive as possible. Yoongi and Jeongguk are gone temporarily. That is fine. He will see them again before he knows it. Distance is not the worst hardship they have faced.
"Heard," Hoseok responds as he stands and bows, and Namjoon does the same before they leave the room.
When the penthouse door closes behind them, Hoseok turns to the left and runs down the hallway toward room 1306. He just needs to hug them one more time. Every cell in his body is desperate to touch them.
But he knocks and he knocks, and nobody answers. Finally, Namjoon tugs him along, to the other end of the hallway, and Hoseok wonders how they could have completely disappeared, in such a short time frame. He wonders why neither of them ran to find him, first.
The walk back to their suite is quiet. Hoseok watches the flourishes and patterns on the blue and gold carpeting as he shuffles forward. There is an unwavering sense of dread settling through him, and try as he might, he cannot seem to rid himself of it.
Perhaps, he thinks, it is a product of his love. Or, rather, his possessiveness. He misses Yoongi and Jeongguk already, sure, but more than that, he needs to know that they are alright. He needs an update on where they will be lodging and for how long, and he needs to hear Yoongi's voice. He has to have at least some amount of control over the situation, even if it is small. He hopes that Yoongi breaks the rule and does reach out, sooner rather than later.
The flight home is just as quick and unmemorable as the flight to Japan. Hoseok falls asleep before the wheels lift and wakes up as they touch down. Stress has a way of making Hoseok feel exhausted, and this whole ordeal with Yoongi, Jeongguk, and Jeongguk's dad leaves him more worn out than usual.
They walk across the tarmac and through the airport, wheeling their luggage behind them, and then out the sliding glass front doors, across the street, to the parking structure, all in a daze. If Namjoon feels anything about the situation, he says nothing. But, he does hold Hoseok's hand, giving firm squeezes from time to time. It grounds Hoseok just a little.
"I'll drive," Namjoon offers as they approach the parking stall. "You seem pretty tired, still."
Hoseok grabs the car key from his pants pocket and hands it to his husband, who clicks the button on the key fob to open the trunk. Namjoon places his suitcase first, then takes Hoseok's, pushing the expanding handle down before gently placing the luggage beside his own. Then, he closes the trunk and walks around to the driver's side, unlocking the doors while Hoseok meanders like a ghost to the passenger side.
The drive back to the house is quiet, for which Hoseok is grateful. But, he tells himself that as soon as they return home, he is going to crack open a bottle of red wine and do his best to not let the situation bother him. Namjoon is still present, and Hoseok has that to be grateful for.
And when they arrive home, Hoseok follows through with his plan. He insists on bringing both suitcases inside, urging Namjoon to ready two stemmed glasses and his favorite vintage. He sets the luggage beside the pile of shoes in the foyer with the intention of making it tomorrow's problem, and joins his husband on the couch, curling to his side while an episode of some show that Hoseok hardly pays attention to plays. They have light, playful conversation, avoiding the elephant in the room, and all in all, it is a good night.
During the following week, Hoseok buries himself in his work. They accept several new cases, all related in some way to nefarious activities in the world of drug dealing and sex trafficking. Hoseok sits out from performing any missions as an assassin, and instead, enjoys his role of going over the contracts, helping agents prepare for their missions, and filing paperwork. He wants to be easily accessible the moment The Boss hears from Yoongi and Jeongguk.
The week is far from uneventful, however. Namjoon seems more worn out than usual on Monday and Tuesday evening, and Hoseok takes pleasure in cooking for his husband and pampering him with massages and bubble baths while Namjoon's weary limbs get used to standing and moving around all day.
They join one of Namjoon's coworkers for drinks on Wednesday night after Namjoon insists that the three of them become friends, and Hoseok takes to him quickly, enjoying the back and forth of getting to know someone new again. Come Thursday, the three of them meet for dinner at Hoseok's favorite ramen spot because he brought it up in conversation the night before and everyone agreed to wanting to go there as soon as possible. And Hoseok feels good. He feels distracted.
On Friday, a new case file comes across Hoseok's desk. The client is a man named Kim Seokjin, and he is trying to track down and exterminate two men named Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung, Korean citizens who he believes may have recently begun hiding out somewhere in Australia. He gets part way through reading the file when there is a knock at his office door.
Hoseok glances up expectantly to find The Boss cracking the door open and peeking her head inside. She wears a bright red blazer over a white blouse, which is tucked into black capri slacks, all accented by sharp red heels. Hoseok wonders just who she is trying to impress.
"Come in," Hoseok says as he stands from his desk, closing Kim Seokjin's file.
The Boss shuts the door behind her and approaches the chair in front of Hoseok's desk, taking a seat. When she calmly says, "There is something I should tell you," Hoseok feels anxious.
"Yoongi and Jeongguk?" Hoseok asks, and The Boss shakes her head.
"We have not gotten word from them, and the agents who were assigned to keep an eye on them seem to have lost them."
"Lo—" Hoseok can't finish the word, swallowing a ball of anger and regret. "How do you lose two humans? They're not a set of fucking keys."
"Well, no," The Boss responds, "but they are conniving and quite resourceful. We think they may have used this situation as a way out, and have fled Japan."
Impossible, Hoseok thinks. Yoongi, of all people, wouldn't just disappear in thin air without so much as saying goodbye.
"I know this information is unsavory," The Boss continues. "I understand you and your husband were quite close with the two of them. I'm sure they will reach out once they are settled. You're not exactly hard to find, if one knows where to look."
"True," Hoseok says with a huff, sitting back in his chair and feeling defeated. The leather hisses beneath him, shocks in the chair's base creak from the movement, and he gently sways back and forth.
"We are still working on taking Jeon down. Some agents have eyes on him. It's only a matter of days."
"That's good," Hoseok responds mechanically, finding it difficult to care about anything at the moment.
"Did you see the new case that was brought to your desk?" The Boss asks.
Hoseok glances up to see The Boss looking down at the manila folder beneath his hands. "I began to read through it."
"My gut instinct is to turn him down, but I want you to read it over carefully and give your input."
"Oh?"
The Boss pauses, squinting her eyes, then continues. "The case feels too vague. Mister Kim claims that the two men he seeks are performing a slew of illegal activities, but the evidence he presents is lacking. I worry that taking on his case with the hope of finding solid evidence will end up being a waste of time. I'm going to dig into his background a little more and see what I find."
"I'll look over it," Hoseok says, tapping his fingertips against the folder. Suddenly, the air in the room feels too thin, and he wants to be anywhere other than his office. The Boss must sense it.
"Call it a night early and have a good weekend," she says as she stands. "We'll regroup on Monday and discuss this case file."
Hoseok nods, organizing the stack on his desk neatly as the sounds of her footsteps retreat. "Sounds good. Thank you."
"Oh, and Hoseok?" The Boss calls from Hoseok's office door, causing him to look up and glance her way. "Try not to take it too personally, alright? You will hear from them again."
Hoseok nods and sits back in his chair, looking out into the empty office as his eyes unfocus. Try as he might, he cannot seem to shake the feeling that something is very, very wrong, and for the first time in a long time, he feels helpless.
this story turned 1 over the weekend! and that is just................bonkers to me. i went through and added names for every chapter, which was a fun way to skim thru and revisit everything. can you believe early chapters were between 2k & 3k words? this shit would be 50 chapters if i had kept going like that lmaooooooooooo.
Dollhouse has always been experimental and a little weird, and difficult to write (from a technical standpoint, especially when they are bod swapped) but it has also been a joy, and i really cannot express how much the interactions it has gotten over the last year have meant to me. my mem x mem stories will never do as well as my mem x reader stories, and it breaks my heart because those are the ones i enjoy writing the most, but....c'est la vie.
i have this story marked as "unhappy ending" now, but.......it's not going to be big, big sad. it might even be a little hopeful. it's hard to explain, and i think we will all interpret it a little different, based on how we feel. that's the last big tag i have to add, that i didn't want to share just yet. i hope that you enjoy the final 3 chapters. i have a small, chill discord if that's your thing, and you want to talk about this (or anything else!) with me and other readers. dm me for info!
until next time! 💛
please don’t be a silent reader! feedback & reblogs do so much to help content creators!
tag list: @codeinebelle, @dasexydevitt13, @giriiboyy, @m1sss1mp, @moonleeai, @spookyminyunki ✨ comment or dm to be added to the tag list!
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Dollhouse is copyright 2022 theharrowing, all rights reserved.
#hoseok smut#namjoon smut#yoongi smut#jungkook smut#bts smut#bts poly#yoonkook#yoonkook smut#namseok#namseok smut#hoseok x namjoon x yoongi x jungkook#fic: dollhouse
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Disabilities I
Since I have some time, I'll tell you all a bit about what the deal is with my disability, and why I am writing about disability in my dissertation.
Back in 2012, I got into a car accident. My girlfriend (now wife) was in the car with me, but I bore the brunt of the impact, and as a result, got some moderate spinal damage. That resulted in me going to physical therapy for a few months, but the lasting damage resulted in fibromyalgia.
Fibromyalgia isn't so much as a single disease, as it is a cluster of related symptoms that don't neatly fit into one classification or particular syndrome. It's more like, "you don't have x, y, or z, but you have all the same symptoms, so we're going to put you in the big bin that's labeled TO BE SORTED LATER." This is gross simplification, of course, but it's close enough for jazz.
Fibromyalgia is mostly related to a conjunction of hyperactive and inflamed nerves, chronic fatigue, and chronic pain. My body thinks I have an infection or an injury, but there is none there, so I get all the lovely side effects of my body fighting off or healing itself without the benefit of actually healing or fighting off an illness. It's not great! It's often comorbid with depression and anxiety, which I also have.
Really, the only reason I was able to get the fibro diagnosis was because my partner ALSO has fibro, and the only reason she knows she has it is because her sister has it! No one thing causes it, but it is often related to genetics or physical trauma. She saw all the signs of it in me, got me to see a rheumatologist, and sure enough, I have all the signs of fibro.
What I struggle most with is with the nerves and the exhaustion. I have chronic fatigue, and the rest I get from sleep isn't all that restorative. Whereas most people tend to wake up rested, I wake up more or less the same amount of tired a regular person feels before going to sleep.
I'm relatively lucky, to be honest. I'm able to manage my pain and such with medication. I'm even able to go to the gym a few times a week, energy permitting. But that takes a lot of effort, and I probably don't see all the benefits a regular person would get from exercise because of a cluster of reasons, related to my thyroid, fibro, and other things.
Oh, and just this past year, I've gotten serious about addressing my latent ADHD. I've had it all my life, but the difference now is that I'm trying to write a goddamn book, and that takes a lot more mental energy and organization than I usually have. This may be needed to addressed in another post, but the fact of the matter is, I'm taking a lot longer to write this thing than most people, partly because I'm working full time, and partly because my brain simply does not work like most neurotypical brains and requires a lot more effort to simply write one page whereas others might be able to knock out much more in a night than I would with the same amount of effort.
So there's my disabilities as they stand. I'll probably try to talk a bit more about them in future posts. It's an ongoing conversation, but having been diagnosed with disabilities like this has given me a much greater focus on the issues disabled folks face in society, and in my case, the church.
Writing about disability is both freeing but also complicated. Nobody experiences the same disability the same way, and can be affected by comorbidities that result in different experiences. I'll try to be as honest about my struggles with disability as possible, because it's good to get these stories out into the world and out of my brain. But also? We shouldn't be afraid to talk about our disabilities. In all statistical likelihood, you will be affected by a disability, either in your life or in a loved one's life. So it's good to be honest about struggles and joys related to disability, because if we can normalize it, we can understand each other better and work together to form a better community. One that treats each other as co-equal humans, worthy of love and respect.
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7, 12, 19, 35
7. What is your deepest joy about writing?
That moment when the scene comes together and you feel it. It's the most satisfying thing in the world.
12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules
I would wish for:
More confidence in what I'm doing as I'm doing it, so I can stop getting blocked by the fear of criticism and spectre of perfectionism.
The ability to focus on what I'm writing for longer than 15-20 minutes a day, so I can get more than 200 words done.
A 3-day work week with extremely high pay so we all have more time to dedicate to our crafts without risking losing our basic necessities.
19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?
I started writing with play-by-post roleplaying on (various) forums back in the 2000s. I love characters, character development, and interpersonal drama a lot; all the rest of the aspects of a story are certainly fun, but those remain at the core for me.
I started cause I was a traumatized, lonely, and deeply alienated kid.
I was scared to write fanfiction for the longest time. Then I was scared to write original fiction. I've been through phases where I think my writing is better than it is, only to find that my skill isn't well practiced and I can't achieve what I'm trying to achieve.
I stopped writing for many years. I don't know how many, because my memory is terrible.
Eventually I took two years of creative writing courses in college and discovered that I preferred to write in community with other writers. My first writing group very quickly dissolved as all my college friends dropped the craft and went in very different life directions.
Three years ago, I had the lowest point of my entire life. I died and I came back. I only came back because I discovered a new, fun art form that made me want to write again... that made me want to commit to creating something multifaceted and full of depth.
So that's what I did. I started writing again. I sought out a new writing community. I made new friends and discussed writing with people who are both very enthusiastic about stories and books and writing in general, and know what they're talking about when discussing storycrafting.
Now I'm here. I'm writing... I'm mainly playing, to be honest, and by proxy, learning to get through the entire process. Challenging myself and seeing myself be able to reach the reasonable goals I've learned to set for myself.
I don't know where I'm going. I don't even know how much time I'll have to get somewhere. But I would like to write a novel, in fact I have loosely started one... and I would like to work on writing and producing audio dramas... because I wouldn't be here right now without them.
35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?
The idea that there's only one correct way to write fiction, and only one way to be taken seriously as a writer. This is vague, but every time I write something new, I am playing with a new way to write the thing I'm writing. I want to stay exploring what it means to write and tell a story.
Maybe that's to be expected with how relatively little experience I have for how long I have technically been writing, but every writer and writing advice in the world about what POV to use, what words to avoid, what types of sentences to delete, etc. can honestly go all the way to hell. The only thing that matters is knowing what you're trying to do.
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Songs by my Favourite Band That I Would Assign The Dead Poets.
so if you couldn’t tell by the cover photo, my favourite band is Twenty One Pilots. They’ve been my favourite band ever since around 2014, and I plan on getting a tattoo related to them soon!
knowing most songs quite well, i decided i’d relate songs to our lovely poets!
please enjoy! i’ll link the full songs as well!
also- might have to make a part 2. the possibilities are running through my brain!
Neil Perry:
Anathema.
Neal is a person who keeps all of his struggles internalized. We never witness him talk about any of his struggles until his breaking point when he is no longer allowed to pursue acting.
Which is why I find the first few sets of lyrics very fitting, because in reality, it seems only Todd had a slight idea of what was happening. Even then, that could be pushing it.
I feel this song encapsulates Neal’s worries and how they all eventually add up, and suddenly disappear.
No I’m not crying stfu.
key lyrics!:
And you will never know (won't you go to someone else's dreams)
What I'm thinking of
So won't you say goodnight (won't you go to someone else's head)
So I can say goodbye
And you will never understand (haven't you taken enough from me)
What I believe
So won't you say goodnight (won't you torture someone else's sleep?)
So I can say goodbye
I start to part two halves of my heart in the dark and I
Don't know where I should go
And the tears and the fears begin to multiply
Taking time in a simple place
In my bed where my head rests on a pillowcase
And it's said that a war's lead but I forget
That I let another day go by
I want to be afraid but it seems that these days
I'm caught under water and I'm falling farther
My heart's getting harder, I'm calling my father
Am I screaming to an empty sky?
Empty sky, no way, that's me
'Cause one half of my heart is free
Empty sky, no way, that's me
'Cause the other half of my heart's asleep
Todd Anderson:
Forest.
This song is one of their more heavier pieces in terms of poetry. All of the lyrics are symbolic, intuitive.
It talks about how our brains travel to the darker side of thoughts the more you think about it, and the longer you look at things.
I just think this song really captures some dreadful thoughts in Todd’s brain, but in his more classic, poetic styles.
This song is one of my favourites :)
key lyrics!:
My brain has given up
White flags are hoisted
I took some food for thought
It might be poisoned
The stomach in my brain
Throws up on to the page
Does it bother anyone else
That someone else has your name?
I don't understand why everything I adore
Takes a different form when I squint my eyes
Have you ever done that?
When you squint your eyes?
And your eyelashes make it look a little not right?
And then when just enough light
Comes from just the right side
And you find you're not who you're suppose to be?
This is not what you're suppose to see
Please, remember me? I am suppose to be
King of a kingdom or swinging on a swing
Something happened to my imagination
This situation's becoming dire
My treehouse is on fire
And for some reason I smell gas on my hands
This is not what I had planned
This is not what I had planned
Charlie Dalton:
My Blood.
This song to me represents absolute loyalty to your friends and family. We’ve had no shortage of Charlie always looking out for the Dead Poets and avenging Neal after his death.
I always think about my closest friends when listening to this song, so I felt it was only right. I think it’ll make more sense in the key lyrics.
They have my whole heart your honour.
key lyrics!:
When everyone
You thought you knew
Deserts your fight
I'll go with you
You're facing down
A dark hall
I'll grab my light
And go with you
When choices end
You must defend
I'll grab my bat
And go with you
Stay with me
No, you don't need to run
Stay with me, my blood
You don't need to run
If there comes a day
People posted up at the end of your driveway
They're calling for your head and they're calling for your name
I'll bomb down on them, I'm coming through
Do they know I was grown with you?
If they're here to smoke, know I'll go with you
Just keep it outside, keep it outside, yeah
If you find yourself
In a lion's den
I'll jump right in
And pull my pin
And go with you
Steven Meeks:
Guns for Hands.
I feel like he also holds deep concern for all of his friends. Maybe not as outright and stubborn as Charlie, but he has a good head on his shoulders when it comes to his friends.
He seems like the type of friend to divert and distract rather than take the problem on full-throttle. He may be able to listen, but he gets scared when giving advice. His worry still haunts his mind, though.
It also just has his boppin kinda energy that I think he just radiates. Sunny man.
IM TRYIN IM TRYIN TO SLEEEP
sorry
key lyrics!:
I know what you think in the morning
When the sun shines on the ground
And shows what you have done
It shows where your mind has gone
And you swear to your parents
That it will never happen again
I know, I know what that means
I know
That you all have guns
And you never put the safety on
And you all have plans
To take it, to take it
Don't take it, take it, take it
I'm trying, I'm trying to sleep
I'm trying, I'm trying to sleep
But I can't, but I can't, when you all have
Guns for hands, yeah
Let's take this a second at a time
Let's take this one song, this one rhyme
Together, let's breathe
Together, to the beat
But there's hope out the window
So that's where we'll go
Let's go outside and all join hands
But until then you'll never understand
Gerard Pitts:
House of Gold.
This is just a really sweet song for a really sweet man <33
He’d introduce it to the poets and they sing it during meetings sometimes. It never fails to bring a smile to his face.
I also feel he loves it because he’s very loyal to his family. His mother, to be specific. A momma’s boy in secret, but also not really in secret.
key lyrics!:
She asked me, son, when I grow old
Will you buy me a house of gold
And when your father turns to stone
Will you take care of me
I will make you
Queen of everything you see
I'll put you on the map
I'll cure you of disease
Let's say we up and left this town
And turned our future upside-down
We'll make pretend that you and me
Lived ever after, happily
And since we know that dreams are dead
And life turns plans up on their head
I will plan to be a bum
So I just might become someone
Richard Cameron:
March to the Sea.
This song reminds me a lot of conformity. How we’re all just mindlessly walking to an endpoint, sometimes with no inspiration or desire to be free or do something different.
We know he is all about conformity.
I like to think Cameron is conflicted with following rules, but he falls under the pressure of his authority figures to actually be free.
key lyrics!:
There's miles of land in front of us
And we're dying with every step we take
We're dying with every breath we make
And I'll fall in line
A stranger's back is all I see
He's only a few feet in front of me
And I'll look left and right sometimes
But I'll fall in line
And as we near the end of land
And our ocean graves are just beyond the sand
I ask myself the question
Why I fall in line
Then out of the corner of my eye
I see a spaceship in the sky
And hear a voice inside my head
Follow me instead
Then the wages of war will start
Inside my head with my counterpart
And the emotionless marchers will chant the phrase
"This line's the only way"
And then I start down the sand
My eyes are focused on the end of land
But again, the voice inside my head says
Follow me instead
Take me up, seal the door
I don't want to march here anymore
I realize that this line is dead
So I'll follow you instead
So then you put me back in my place
So I might start another day
And once again, I will be in a march to the sea
Knox Overstreet:
Tear in my Heart.
Could really only think of this one because it seems like his only personality trait is being creepily in love
Sorry not sorry
The lyrics just show the hopeless devotion and vulnerability to somebody you love. Tyler Joseph had wrote this for his wife, Jenna :)
key lyrics!:
Sometimes you gotta bleed to know
That you're alive and have a soul
But it takes someone to come around
To show you how
She's the tear in my heart
I'm alive
She's the tear in my heart
I'm on fire
She's the tear in my heart
Take me higher
Than I've ever been
My heart is my armour
She's the tear in my heart
She's a carver
She's a butcher with a smile
Cut me farther
Than I've ever been
#dead poets society#neil perry#todd anderson#charlie dalton#dps hcs#dps headcanons#dead poets headcanons#dps incorrect quotes#gerard pitts#dps fandom
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Hi! I was wondering if I could hear about your ocs? I've seen a bit of art you've made of them i think, but don't know much! (I love peoples ocs so much. They are always so cool and interesting)
Yea ofc!!!!! They mean so much to me lol I love telling people about them !! under a readmore cus this got SO long. sorry it took so long btw!! i was struggling to type this all out
Their names are Casper and Will ! Will is the one on the left and Casper is the one on the right !
They’re both 22 rn in the story (Casper’s birthday is in January, and Wills birthday is September!) and they belong to a story I’ve been writing with my friend Rowan (who is @rabies--innit ), their two OCs are juice and Lilith, but I’ve only ever drawn juice lol. Here he is :)
(Funky design, but so hard to draw LOL)
The story *technically* starts with Juice and Casper meeting, but I’ve played around a lot with writing about Casper and Will before they met juice.
Casper and Will have been friends since they were babies, because their parents lived right next to eachother when they were born, and it was out in the middle of no where so they really had no choice but to be friends lol cus there were no other kids.
They live in a fantasy-ish world, there’s wings and hybrids and a lot of fantasy elements, but with modern technology like phones and stuff. There’s definitely cities, but it’s much more spread out and rural in general then the modern world is. When I was first writing their story I was really obsessed with dsmp (still am lol) and I absolutely love the idea of a “canon life system” I.E. multiple lives, so me and Rowan found a way to factor that into the story !!
Both Cas and Will have wings, but I rarely draw them because they’re kinda a pain to function into every drawing, but here are Casper’s wings !!
(Rest of the drawing cropped because I don’t like it LMAO)
Casper and Will’s parents are both really shitty (read:abusive) in different ways, and Will has kinda a.. like. Really impulsive, passionate, fiery personality, so when he was 17 1/2, ish, and Casper was freshly 17 they moved out/ran away (however you want to put it lol).
They were homeless for a while, which is when they met juice for the first time who was homeless because their village got burned down by terrorists.
but anyway cas and will got back on their feet eventually, in a relatively small city. the way I have the canon life system is that when you die there's like... a waiting period that functions kinda like limbo does in the dsmp. so you die, you go to limbo for a little while, then you're alive again. the waiting period can be really any amount of time, but it averages 6 months to a year. it seems longer for those who are dead, just because you're alone for that time and being dead kinda twists your perception of reality.
will also had bipolar and ptsd, which is important to the story and especially this part and post coming back to life. at some point after him and Casper got their own apartment he killed himself (saddest part in the story for me to write!!!!!!!!!! its horrible) because of a mix of mania and mental distress caused by his ptsd.
it took him an abnormally long time to come back to life, probably because of how he died/the intent behind the death? idk the universe is weird I'll figure it out. it took him about a year and 7 months, and in that time casper became really close friends and roommates with juice! their friendship was rocky at best, both because of his unstableness at losing the only person he ever really trusted, and because of Juice's unresolved trauma.
Eventually Will comes back to life, and he now has to deal with readjusting to real life and dealing with the issues the afterlife caused for him. him and casper move out from living with juice, and onto a farm! Casper and Will really enjoy working on the farm and eventually Will decides to open a coffee shop!
thats pretty much where the story is rn, but here are some other fun facts about them
casper has ocd, which is relavent to the story, especially his relationship with juice, but I couldn't find a way to explain it here lol so here it is
him and will use he/him pronouns :)
will is bisexual and casper is gay
they weren't really always dating?? they were ambiguous for a long time especially because their parents were shitty but if you saw them or knew about their relationship it was pretty obvious they had feelings for each other
despite the above, after getting back on their feet after running away will DID date a woman for a little bit. she ended up being a lesbian, lol. but they broke up mostly because will went to her and confessed "hey bro this is awkward because we're dating but I think I'm in love with my childhood best friend" and she went "huh?"
they are still very good friends tho :)
they have lots of dogs on their farm ! i have a massive c/w interest board with sections for all their dogs.
ty for askin about them!!! i love them so much and I love talking about them. feel free to ask any questions :)
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AO3 Wrapped for 2023!
I got tagged by @purlturtle for this, so thank you! :D Let's see how I did on fics in 2023.
Overall Stats:
Works Published: 2 - because a Pushing Daisies snippet snuck in there lol
Word Count: 92,498
Kudos: 475
Hits: 14,729
Bookmarks: 161 (99 public and it's killing me ahaha I just want a nice round number again D:)
Subscriptions: 285
(All of those stats are heavily, heavily skewed towards one fic over the other as you'll see below :P)
Individual Stats:
Most Popular by Kudos: Can We Keep Her, my Lucifer S3 time travelling toddler rewrite at 471 kudos. (Out of my 475 total for the year LMAO. I told you the stats are skewed!)
Most hits: Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) again with 14,688 hits. Listen I really only wrote one fic this year. The Pushing Daisies one barely counts.
Longest: Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) at 92,307 words published as of today and still growing. Fun fact: This is also my longest fic ever published! So it would've won this category in any year.
Shortest: Three Lifetimes (Pushing Daisies) at 191 words. I did have other one shot ideas after my rewatch but I had to save my energy for the Lucifer WIP.
Most Comments: SHOCKINGLY (not), it's Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) with 186 comment threads/415 total comments. My greatest wish when this fic is all said and done is to hit 1000 total comments because I'll never be able to hit that in any other fandom I could ever be in for the rest of my life. And if it does turn out to be 30 chapters long (or more!), then I'm actually on pace to achieve it :')
(And this is where I go more into fic recs than talking about my own fics, because I did not write (or read tbh) enough to have proper answers for this section.)
Fics that made me cry:
Writing: The [redacted] scene for Can We Keep Her that I've played a million times in my head but haven't actually written yet cause I'm only halfway through the story. Maybe also the time travel reveal scene which gets posted in January, but that's lived in my head for so long, I can no longer tell what feelings it evokes.
Reading: never have I ever by jrrmint (Lucifer). S4 Chloe/Lucifer smut. It doesn't make me cry, but it does make me ache because it's Season 4, aka the angstiest season, and this fic makes it even messier than canon was which is just beautiful in the 'I have a history of loving soap operas' way. :D :D It also taught me cheating is a trope I will eat up with a goddamn spoon for this ship. Like HOLY SHIT! Eve, I love you, babe, but I need more Chloe/Lucifer S4 cheating fic pronto! O_O
(NOT S3 cheating fic. It does not work as well, because the Chloe/Pierce relationship was already a stupid decision -- by both the writers and the character -- so let's not add even more stupid decisions on top of it. However, everybody's already hitting rock bottom in S4 (and at different times too!) so that's why the cheating trope works so deliciously there.)
Fics that made me smile:
Writing: The opening scene to chapter 7 in Can We Keep Her still makes me laugh so much. Rory's manipulative little "My heart hurts :(" ploy absolutely kills me, plus all the other 'Day 2 of a baby angel' chaos that's happening. Also all of chapter 9 with the Deckerstar family domestics of putting Trixie and Rory to bed. A++ me. Makes me grin everytime.
Reading: If He's a Tramp (He's a Good One) by maybemalapert (laconicsims) -- Lucifer joins Chloe and Trixie on a trip to Disneyland, set (and written) in early S2. I'm absolutely loving reading the Lucifer fics in chronological order/reverse page order on AO3 since I came to the show after the entire thing aired. And this little one shot was wonderful <3
Group Activities:
Gifts: No gifts given or received this year.
Collaborations: I did do something here, though! I was a beta reader in the Bering and Wells Big Bang event. :) I helped with Dawn of the Dragonborn: Heart of a Hero, Heart of a Predator, Heart of Dovahkiin which was written by Rinari7. Not finished yet, but hopefully someday! Because the outline was really detailed and incredible. So, so, so fun AU even if you know very little about Skyrim (like me)!
Events: Also the Bering and Wells Big Bang. I still absolutely could never be a writer for such an event because I get too stressed and freeze whenever I try. But I really enjoyed being a beta reader! Less pressure lol
#about me#AO3 Wrapped 2023#I added the subheaders to help split the text up better cause I got rambly :S lol#if you see this on your dash and want to do it pretend I tagged you#(and feel free to tag me in that claim when you make your post so I can read your own AO3 stats! I'd love to see them!)
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MLB Season 4 Character Analysis: "Sole Crusher"
Introduction
Hey Reddit, I'm back with a new MLB Season 4 Character Analysis and this time for episode 7. In this series I analyze the emotions, motivations and thought processes of the characters of MLB in every individual episode of season 4, outlining their overall journey in the season to help the fandom understand what their going through and today it's "Sole Crusher".
Up till this point in season 4, we haven't really gotten much of Chloe after her fall from grace in "Miracle Queen" and now in the episode we've get to see her again, we are introduced to a character who essentially the "nice Chloe" and now Chloe is back to square one of her character like her development in season 2 and 3 never happened, turning her into a one-dimensional character. Because of that she won't be getting her own section in this analysis but I'll think about giving her one in future posts but for now we're just doing two characters: Zoe herself and Andre.
Character POVs
Zoe
"At first I... I wanted to be an actress. I'm good at acting. But then I found myself acting all the time, playing these different roles, trying to please everyone until I couldn't do it anymore. I just want to accepted for being me, the real me, and now it's happening all over again. I just can't..."
Let's start with the main focus of this episode: Zoe. She may have been shoehorned into the show due to the writers realizing they no longer had a Queen Bee after destroying Chloe's redemption arc but they did try to make it feel like she wasn't shoehorned in by giving her a one-episode character arc and that sparks my interest even though it's just a one-episode character arc.
Arriving at Paris after leaving her boarding school where she was bullied by the kids there when she revealed to them her true self, she has to do the same thing again when she goes to face her mother and half-sister because all she wants is to be accepted by her family at the very least and she knows from before that being herself doesn't work from her boarding school due to all the kids starting to bully her.
When she meets Marinette and Marinette sees the kindness in her, she tried to find out what was wrong with Zoe when she started acting mean all of a sudden and when Chloe catches her texting Chloe's rival she is furious and Zoe has to pretend that it is all just an elaborate scheme to humiliate her so that Chloe won't hate her. Ironically, the only person she opens up to is her stepfather when you'd expect it would be the other way around. They relate to each other on the basis of having to give up their dreams to be accepted by the people they want to be accepted by and Zoe finally breaks down which causes her to vulnerable to Shadow Moth and turns her into Sole Crusher, a supervillain resembling her half-sister with the ability to grow whenever the soles of her shoes touch someone.
After her de-akumatization, she is able to open to the rest of Marinette's class and they all accept her with open arms, well at least Ivan does, literally and thus her arc is completed, making her eligible to be a Miraculous holder.
2. Andre B.
"When I was young, I wanted to make movies, tell stories. Ah, that was the real me. But it was made very clear to me that in order to earn my place I have to let certain dreams go."
A lot of people seem to hate on this guy for telling Zoe to give up her dreams and lock them away to please her family but I kinda get where he's coming from. He was in a no better position than Zoe. For once, he seems to be a nice guy who actually has a good heart. He was basically a second Zoe in this situation but grown up and from his perspective he feels as though the only way to be accepted by your family is to do what they want you to do and he's just giving Zoe advice based on his experience with these sort of things and he hasn't had a good experience so it's not him who is to blame. It's his family.
We've seen how desperate he is in trying to get their approval, becoming mayor, getting them gifts, etc. especially in "Malediktator". So, yeah.
Conclusion
That's all I've got for "Sole Crusher" and tbh I think this was a pretty solid analysis compared to my past few posts. So let me know your thoughts on my analysis and let me know if I missed anything about any of the characters this episode.
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TXT + ASKING FOR CUDDLES
hi! tysm to everyone who's followed me already! I have some longer stuff planned but I figured for my first post I wanted to start off with something short and fluffy. and ty to the two people who have already sent in requests! I am working on them and they will be posted soon :) intentional lowercase
YEONJUN⁺*ೃ༄
he's the clingiest out of all the boys (or at least he's just the most obvious)
so he doesn't even have to ask
when he wants cuddles, he'll just cling onto you
it doesn't even matter where you are. He just clings
"Yeonjun, baby, you have dance practice in 5 minutes you've gotta let go"
"ahh but y/nie!!!" *cue pouting face*
basically this boy is always touching you in some way
he's pretty good about asking for cuddles when you're having a bad day though
cause he always wants to help you in whatever way you need. whether it's extra kisses or some time alone, he's happy to provide
"c'mon on my love, you wanna go cuddle? I know it's been a long day but I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I'll give you"
SOOBIN⁺*ೃ༄
babyyyyyyyyy
omg he's so shy omg he has such a hard time asking <\3
luckily it's usually pretty easy to tell when he needs extra attention. he gets extra touchy and fidgety and starts chewing on his bottom lip
the biggest giveaway is when he starts tugging on your shirt sleeve
like you'll be watching a movie with him and the other boys
but soobin hasn't seen you in DAYS cause he's been so busy
he hates that he can't just be alone with you, poor boy just wants to hear your giggles and kiss you all over your face. but he can't and even though you're sitting right next to him, it's too far
you've been resting your head on his shoulder, and he's been rubbing circles on the back of your hand
then he starts fidgeting with the sleeve of your sweater and staring at you with big eyes
you get the message and finally move onto his lap and soobin is so happy!!!!! he has to hide his face in your hair cause he can't stop smiling
BEOMGYU⁺*ೃ༄
Oh.
he'll certainly ask.
except, he can never just ask, no no no. It's always a dramatic performance
you're sitting on the couch with your phone?
gyu is flopping down next to you and laying his head in your lap with the loudest sigh ever
"I can't believe my s/o is ignoring me! agh even with the most handsome boy in the world on their lap, they still won't look away from that phone"
you better not be busy. ever
cause if you dare to turn down cuddles, prepare to be given his judgy face... y'know the one
"cuddles! cuddles! cuddles! cuddles!"
"gyu I really wanna but I promised yeonjun I'd go shopping with him :( I'm all yours once I get back"
"you'd rather spend time with an old man than cuddle with your boyfriend?!"
TAEHYUN⁺*ೃ༄
LMAOOOOO
yeah he's never asking
he'll initiate skinship if he can tell that you want it, and he'll always cuddle you when you're asking
but when he wants it???? he doesn't do anything about it
(I mean - have you seen their recent tik toks??? I can't be wrong)
I promise that he's working on it though
Taehyun really does love you so so much and he never wants you to feel like he doesn't
it's just hard for him to be open like that. you're always supportive though, and you hate that he feels like he can't go to you for those things :(
when he does ask, he's pretty casual about it
"instead of going out, can we stay in tonight? I just wanna be lazy and stay in bed"
sleepy taehyun is a completely different story
when he's tired and delirious, he has no problem wrapping his arms around you and telling you how much he loves your hugs :((
and if you wake up in the morning needing to pee??
too bad. taehyun is holding you so tight and letting out the most pitiful whine you've ever heard everytime you try to wriggle away
HUENUNGKAI⁺*ೃ༄
he literally just...
Asks...
like a normal person
he has no shame, and why would he??
huening loves skinship, he loves you, and you love him. so why would he have a problem with asking for what he wants??
you always know if he's in a super cuddly mood or not before you even meet up with him
cause you're always texting and you can tell if he needs cuddles
"y/n, soobin stole molang again 😭 pls come over or else I won't be able to sleep"
or
"you're not allowed to greet beomgyu when you get here bc he's gonna try to rope you into a plan to prank yeonjun and I know you'll say yes but I'm going through cuddling withdrawals 😔 and soobin never lets me be the little spoon so I really need you"
#txt x reader#txt imagines#txt drabbles#txt x you#txt reactions#txt scenario#yeonjun x reader#beomgyu imagines#soobin imagines#taehyun x reader#hueningkai x reader#yeonjun imagine
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𝔸𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥
𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐤𝐢, 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐣𝐨𝐛.
Pairing(s): KING! Tamaki Amajiki x QUEEN! Reader
Genre: Historical Romance
Fic Type: Multi-Chapter
Status: Ongoing
Warning(s): Possible Smut, Descriptions of Violence and Abuse, Brief Mentions of War
Tag(s): Arranged Marriage, Historical AU, Angst/Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
A/N : Sooo this is my first fic for bnha! I got into the fandom a little late but better late than never right? Anyway, I'm really excited about posting this and hope you all enjoy! This is fic can also be found on AO3 , I'll always update ao3 first so be sure to check it out! Thanks!!
Chapter I / II / III / IIII
A loving marriage. Such a pathetic concept. Who really got to spend their life with the one they loved? Such an illusion was nothing more than a child’s broken fairytale. That was something you recited to yourself over and over again as you stared blankly at the man you were going to spend the rest of your miserable life with. Tamaki Amajiki, a distinguished prince from one of three ruling families of your land. A man who did not love you and probably never would. He was to be your life sentence and he couldn’t even meet your eyes. You wondered, somberly, if there was a special person that already occupied his heart as he quietly recited hollow vows that meant nothing to either of you.
How different would his words be if he really did love the woman that was standing before him? How fast would your heart beat if you truly adored the man cradling your hands? It was a bitter thought. A fleeting glimpse of a life you would never have. Your union was born from nothing more than necessity and as his quivering lips pressed stiffly against your own, it was a fact you would never let yourself forget.
You woke up in a bed that was much too large, all alone, yet again. The vacant sheets beside you, that were always cold to the touch, was something you had come to expect. You hugged a lone pillow to your body, burying your face into its softness. Your mind began replaying a familiar fantasy as you tried desperately to ignore the rays of spilling sunshine that forced their way through your silky curtains. You would often imagine the pillow as the warm chest of a lover, they would run their fingers through your messy hair and whisper sweet nothings in your ear after a long, passionate night of love making.
It was the same scenario day after day but it was all you had to stave off the numbing loneliness that renewed itself every sunrise. Just a little longer, that’s all you wanted, just a second longer to pretend you were adoringly desired.
However, your dreams were dashed as your chambermaids filed in, their idle chatter causing you to begrudgingly open your eyes. You fought the urge to tell them to leave so you could continue to indulge in your pity party...but you knew better, after all that was no way for a queen to behave. You sighed internally as they urged you to your feet.
Today was a special day. It was your birthday, the first one you would be celebrating as the new queen who was lucky enough to exist next to Tamaki's side. The whole kingdom was a buzz about your special day, nobles from all over the country would be attending your grand celebration. You couldn’t seem to share their enthusiasm, you were already alone, but what better way for that painful point to be driven home then by meaningless interaction with hordes of faceless strangers who cared nothing for you. You could almost laugh at the absurdity of it all.
You were pulled out of your stupor when you felt nimble fingers gently tugging at the loose threads of your favorite worn nightgown. Ah, you knew who those tiny hands belonged to.
“Good morning Eri.” You hummed sweetly, picking the little girl up with a smile.
“Good morning big sister! Happy birthday!” Eri giggled enthusiastically as your heart swelled with affection. The only blessing about being trapped here was becoming familiar with the little angel that was Eri.
The long days that ate away at you sped up and the world regained its vibrant hue when you were with her. Her innocent smile and childish bright eyes filled you with an indescribable joy that had been missing for as long as you could remember.
She was your everything.
“Thank you sweetie, but anymore of these birthdays and I’ll get all wrinkly.” You chuckled as the small girl cupped your cheeks, her crimson eyes scanning your skin with immense precision.
“I don’t see anything!” She concluded with insistence.
You only placed a soft kiss on her nose in response before your chambermaids began fussing with your garments. You set Eri down amongst your numerous pillows and blankets, she quickly pulled one to her chest.
“Has big brother Tamaki said happy birthday to you yet?” She asked softly, there was a painful squeeze that gripped your tightened chest.
You couldn't tell her.
How COULD you tell her?
Tamaki probably wouldn’t even remember your birthday had it not been a public affair.
“You beat everyone to it Eri, you're so fast that no one can tell me before you!” You grinned playfully, which quickly earned you a shy smile from the little girl.
"I'm really happy everyone is going to be together today!" Eri said after a moment, she seemed so excited you couldn't help but mimic her energy.
"Yes, all our friends from all over will be coming! I'm sure they all can't wait to see you!" You hummed as you did your best to help your maids undress you.
"But it's your birthday!" She countered, falling back against the soft bed, her arms stretched out as she spoke. "They'll be more excited to see you!"
"If I were them, it be you I'd be thrilled to see Eri." You chuckled as you watched her.
Her little face bloomed with an embarrassed but flattered blush, her small hands fiddling with the golden seams of the peachy satin pillow that resided in her arms as she thought about your kind words.
"Oh! Are your parents coming?" Eri asked with curiosity. "I'd really like to meet them!"
You stilled for a moment, the chambermaids froze, their fussing coming to a halt at the seemingly innocent question that poked a wound that was far from closed.
"I'm afraid not dear. There's much more urgent matters they must attend to this evening." You sighed, your tone gentle but the severe pain in your words rippled just beneath your annealed glassy façade.
"But..." Eri's face fell as she sat up, the miniscule shift in your steady voice not going unnoticed by her keen ears. "...It's your birthday."
"Aw, don't worry sweetie! I'm already surrounded by lots of my beloved family." You replied with a chipper tone, reaching out patting her head affectionately. You did your best to conceal the waver leftover in your words. "You're here, aren't you?"
The tension in the room began to dissipate as Eri's dazzling smile crept back onto her little face. A silent wave of relief washed over your maids, it was common knowledge among the castle that they were to never bring up your family...but Eri was a child, she didn't know better and it's was not something you spoke about openly anyway.
You didn't want your sour mood to undermine the little angel's excitement, she was so happy for you.
How could you dampen such enthusiasm?
You both continued your idle chatter as your maids finished their ministrations, it had been quite a while since you'd seen Eri after all. Mirio, her guardian and Tamaki's childhood friend had been away on confidential business for months and he had brought Eri with him.
You had begged the man to let her stay in your care while he was away but ultimately... he refused, he always did. Instead insisting she remain in his sight at all times. You did understand why but that didn't stop an Eri sized hole from forming within your heart. Even now, after your party concluded, she would be whisked away for no doubt months yet again.
And your one happiness would go with her.
A swift but polite knock at your bedroom door called your attention away from your thoughts. You sighed internally, knowing you'd have to continue your conversation with Eri later.
"Yes, come in." You summoned.
Tufts of bright blond hair entered your field of vision. His large ever present smile greeting you as Mirio stepped in, a sizable bouquet of pink peonies in hand.
"I should've known this is the first place you'd be, Eri." Mirio laughed as Eri gave him a bashful look. "She's been talking about seeing you nonstop ever since she heard about your birthday."
"I am equally as excited to see her. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about her." You replied sincerely, not missing the look of guilt that crossed Mirio's face.
"Don't worry! I'll be able to come over more soon!" Eri grinned, her eyes darting to her caretaker. "We promised!"
"Is that so?" You questioned, a playful but equally skeptical look dancing across your features as you turned to face the man before you.
"Yea, we'll be returning home shortly after this upcoming week for a while and I've promised Eri that she'll be able to visit you as much as she'd like until we have to leave again." Mirio admitted sheepishly. "But it was supposed to be a surprise, Eri."
"Ah sorry, I forgot." The little girl giggled as she watched an expression of pure joy light up your wide eyes.
You could barely contain yourself as you gathered Eri up in your arms, squeezing her in an almost crushing hug. You found yourself unable to let go, afraid she'd be stolen from you if you dared loosen your grip, even for a moment. Your eyes closed as you held her, the weight of her small form grounding you to the world beneath your feet.
"I couldn't ask for a more amazing surprise." You whispered, burying your face in her soft white hair as she wrapped her small arms around your neck, laughing happily.
Mirio said nothing, choosing instead to watch you with understanding and sad eyes. The immense pain was written all over your body, it always was. From the first time he'd met you to the last time he saw you, he could've sworn you never once smiled at anything other than Eri. Your eyes always seemed distant and empty, filled with resignation and thinly veiled loneliness.
It was hard to witness.
Even more so when he took away the only person that gave you a reason to smile.
…But hopefully this announcement would give you some respite at least for a little while.
"Oh, before I forget-" Mirio started after a moment, offering you the fragrant bouquet with a grin. "Happy birthday Y/N."
"Thank you, Mirio." You said gratefully, a true, genuine smile painted onto your lips as you took the flowers from his outstretched hand. "I'll never forget this."
"I know..." Mirio gave you a gentle nod, his eyes flitting to the girl cradled in your arms protectively.
"..I hate to take Eri from you but we have a couple things to get done before tonight's party." Mirio said tentatively, his voice careful as he relayed the information to you.
"I'm getting a new dress for the party!" Eri squeaked enthusiastically.
"I can't wait to see it darling!" You grinned up at her, tucking a loose strand of stray hair behind her ear before setting her down gently. "I'm sure whatever you choose it'll be beautiful on you!"
"We'll be back as soon as possible." Mirio reassured you, resting a soothing hand on the small of you back. "I promise."
"Thank you Mirio, I really appreciate it." You replied quietly, your gaze still fixed on Eri as she waved to you, heading out with one of your maids to go collect her things.
"I wouldn't have been able to return if it wasn't for Tamaki." The man sighed wistfully. He had promised his best friend he wouldn't say anything but you just had to know, he couldn't keep this from you. "Us being here is all his doing."
"Is it?" You muttered, finally lifting your stare to gaze upon Mirio.
"Yes, he was able to buy us some time with the Commander." He continued after you granted him your full attention. "I honestly have no idea how he did it. He's super amazing, you know."
"Will he be here tonight?" You inquired, moving to set the flowers on your vanity before gesturing for one of your chambermaids to bring a vase.
"He wouldn't miss it." Mirio insisted, watching as you gingerly pulled the peonies from their festive wrapping.
"I'll be sure to speak to him then." You mumbled while you ran your fingers over the soft pink petals, taking in their sweet smell. "It's been a long time since he's been home."
"I know you miss him." Mirio dared to say, his tone light. You paused, staring vacantly at your reflection as your maids hurried out of the room.
"How could I miss a man I don't know?" You huffed, eyes dagger like in appearance as they regarded Mirio with tired annoyance. "I'm surprised he even remembers my birthday."
"He cares about you quite a bit, more than you think he does." The man refuted, not dropping your icy stare.
"Hmm, I'm sure he does, that's why he leaves me here alone for months and never writes." You hissed bitterly before correcting your tone to a more polite one. "Well regardless, he's the reason Eri is here so I do want to make sure to express how thankful I am."
Mirio saw no point in trying to plea his best friend's case, you clearly didn't want to discuss the matter anymore and it's not as if you were completely wrong in your irritation.
Tamaki, though he did try, was never good with his communication and his status dictated him away for long periods of time. Your relationship was strained even before that but the constant distance really seemed to dig at both of you.
Tonight was the first night you'd see each other in over three months and you weren't looking forward to it. Your interactions weren't malicious or cruel but they were sterile and cold, most wouldn't even know you had been sworn to each other for life.
It drained you.
"You should go Mirio, Eri is probably waiting on you." You concluded calmly, breaking the staring match you'd had with the man only moments before. "Thank you again for the flowers, they're beautiful."
"Of course, I'm happy you like them." Mirio finally relented after some time, knowing that there was no use trying to engage you in further conversation. "We'll see you tonight."
He gave you one of his famous signature goofy grins before stepping out, you watched his back as he left, silently wondering if he really would return.
#bnha imagines#bnha x reader#mha x y/n#tamaki amajiki x reader#tamaki amajiki imagine#mha imagines#mha x you#bnha x you#tamaki amajiki x you#female reader#tamaki amajiki#bnha suneater#tamaki x y/n#tamaki x you#amajiki x y/n#amajiki x reader#bnha fanfiction#bnha angst#bnha fluff#bnha eri#mirio togata#my fic post#ascent#arranged marriage#tamaki amajiki drabble
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This has been explained many times since chapter 138 came out, but because even I am having a hard time processing it, I wanna talk about the many reasons why the dream wasn't only Mikasa's, and Eren has loved her for a long time.
The logical reasons: All the subtle hints that have been given through the series that Eren holds Mikasa dearly, and why he was obviously lying at the table scene. (He was an asshole for telling her all of those things but still)
Eren wouldn't lie to her like this if he really hated her, specially not this Eren, specially not after she'd given him the strength to keep fighting and not give up.
When he worried about her broken ribs in ch51, when he looked back at her and thought about getting back his home in rts, when he accepted her emotional support by opening grisha's books together, when he encouraged her to show her hizuru tattoo bc he knew it would be the best thing for her. Moments where he worried about her and supported her.
Then we have the chapter 123 scene. It would not make sense for Eren to ask that "what am I to you?" question if he wasn't seeking for a specific kind of answer. After all, it's been three years and by this point Eren was probably aware that what he felt for Mikasa wasn't just mere affection, and as a last resort before giving in to his future, he sought for something that wouldn't make him hate himself, even if it was just for a moment.
All because he knew that Mikasa cares for him a lot (even if his dense mind didn't know for sure that she loves him)
Then we get Eren and Zeke's conversation. Eren actively asked Zeke about her, wether the fact that she cared for him was something related to her bloodline or something else, because he doesn't believe he's worthy of being loved and cared for like Mikasa does.
Zeke answers that there's no such thing as an ackerbond and tells him that she probably just "likes you so much that she'd snap a titan's neck for you" but by that time, Eren knows it's too late for him, too late for them. So he shrugs it off and tells him he can't do anything about it bc he only has four years left.
This imo is another sign that he wants her to forget him bc he doesn't want to hurt her. He knows now that she loves him, but he cannot be selfish and have a future with her, so for her own sake, he tries his best to try to make her stop loving him or forget him.
It's been shown multiple times in the manga, with the table scene (sigh), when he told louise to throw the scarf away, and in their dream when they hugged and he told her to please forget him when he's gone, basically telling her to move on and live a long, happy life without him.
The memory shards. Normally I wouldn't have paid much attention to them, but the fact that Mikasa is in the biggest one's twice, and is the biggest focus on the third one isn't a coincidence.
(Also I'll just mention how they're shards of two of the most pivotal moments of their relationship but let's keep going)
This scene shows to me that he had a moment of weakness when he saw that innocent and beautiful moment between the two of them again, after so long. I think he understood fully why Mikasa clings so much to that moment for comfort.
And at last we get the shared dream, alternative universe, previous timeline or whatever it was. A different version of events where Mikasa told him she'd be happy by living the rest of his four years together in peace. He accepts her proposal and they run away together.
They spend the next four years getting closer and building their relationship, specially after knowing that they both share romantic feelings for the other. It gets to a point where they're so comfortable with each other that they're basically in a relationship, hence shown by the physical closeness that they show to each other in this dimension with that hug, and the way she held his head as he was about to die.
Which brings me to the main point of this post. This scenario was shared for one main reason: the very first time we see Eren and Mikasa together in the manga.
Not only Eren sees Mikasa saying goodbye to him in that au, but he realizes that her hair has grown longer compared to how it looked two minutes ago in that dream. He saw it. He was part of it.
Now, to Mikasa's pov. We don't know for sure what her headaches meant, but they're most likely related to that dream. Probably caused by Eren, trying to break through her Ackerman lineage to make her see this dream. It was heavily implied in 138.
In this very moment, Mikasa is finally seeing that dream too. She was able to remember everything that happened in it.
And I wanna put emphasis on the fact that this dream is fabricated by both Eren and Mikasa. Things happened the way they did in there because they were both free to choose the events of it, hence why Isayama said it was "Mikasa's ideal". Yes, her answer to his question in the refugee camp in that universe was her ideal. She has shown remorse about saying "you're family" to him. But that alternative answer was what she would've liked to say.
Eren, nevertheless, accepted that answer and ran away with her. He's the one leading their path in this panel which makes me think that he's the one who actually proposed to run away for real.
So, back to our reality in chapter 138, Mikasa has seen everything. Remembers everything. She's experienced four years of "married" life with Eren in seconds. And she knows that Eren has seen it, too. That he loves her back, and that he never hated her.
But she also knows that the Eren in this reality is too far gone. So she ends it. She kills him and ends it all, remembering the moment he died in their shared dream. She tells him "See you later, Eren" and then holds his head in her hands and kisses him goodbye.
She said goodbye to him in the exact same way that she did in their dream.
The Mikasa that hadn't experienced 4 years alone in a cabin with Eren would get nervous any time he got too close to her or get all red when he asked a romantically coded question. If she didn't have that closeness to him normalized, she would have never kissed him like that.
If Isayama had meant for that moment to be gruesome and hard to look at, he wouldn't have made Eren's expression look so peaceful when they kissed. He would've looked more like this.
We know Isayama isn't scared of showing impactful images like that, so if he had wanted to, he would have done it. But that wasn't what he was trying to convey.
In other words, eremika canon. Thanks for reading👍
#mikasa ackerman#eremika#eren jaeger#eren yeager#eren x mikasa#mikasa x eren#attack on titan#aot spoilers#aot manga spoilers#meta
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