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yunhoszn · 1 month

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horses are still overrated

pairing jeong yunho x f!reader word count 2k genres fluff﹒smut warnings 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, established relationship, mentions of voyeurism, dirty talk, marking-ish, mutual masturbation, kissing, slight cum eating shhhhh don’t say anything, pet names: baby, babe, princess

summary new relationships always have room for experimenting, and well, you and yunho are no exception.

more ok so i tried doing these in ask format but i didn’t like it so we’re back to our regularly scheduled programming with a little update :P anyway,, this was for this request! it’s meant to be an extension of save a horse, ride a cowboy but can totally be read as a standalone! i kinda strayed from the initial req, but i hope this is still good… it’s still yunho day so <3 ALSO @bro-atz thank u for betaing my love i appreciate u so big!! pls reblog if u enjoyed!

@atzhouse

The few weeks that have passed since you and Yunho have confessed to each other have been nothing short of blissful.

He makes you feel like you’re soaring, ensuring that your happiness is the top priority. He embraces you in a way that’s not only physical, but emotional too. Like his feelings for you are their own special hug of warmth that envelopes you when you need it most. You could never get tired of him, could never return to your life back home like this summer never happened.

Because in all honesty, this summer was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to you.

You have a small smile on your face as you reminisce about the wonderful time you’ve spent here so far, leaning back into the bench on the farmhouse porch. Initially, you were sitting here to openly gawk after Yunho as he rounded up the cattle, but now you were too giddy to pay attention to that. You don’t notice him walking towards you directly, Yeoreum tailing behind him.

“What’s got you so cheesy today?”

You blink at his question, feeling a bit bashful. You’ll never get used to this view. “I was just thinking about us, and how happy you make me.”

“That’s cute,” he mirrors your expression, one hand on the back of the bench to hold his weight and the other coming up to cup your jaw, lips pecking yours gently. “Ready for dinner?”

“I have a confession to make,” you start as you’re washing the dishes after dinner.

“What’s up?” Yunho asks you from the other side of the kitchen, putting away the leftovers. He shuts the refrigerator and leans against it, arms crossed over his chest. You swallow thickly.

“I’ve just had this on my chest for so long and I need to get it off before I explode,” you ramble, avoiding his eyes as you scrub a plate. “Promise you won’t judge?”

“I promise,” he chuckles, and you can hear his footsteps as he gets closer. “I won’t judge you.”

Your sigh comes out as more of a shudder, Yunho’s arms wrapping around your middle and his chin resting on your shoulder. The new proximity makes you ten times more nervous to say your piece, your heart beating erratically behind your rib cage. This is fine. This is great actually. (No it’s not!)

“Do— um— do you remember the day before Seojun and I broke up?” Your hands are trembling slightly.

“When you gave Yeoreum a bath, right?” He nods, the movement bothering you slightly because it has his chin digging into your shoulder uncomfortably. “What about it?”

”So…” You have to pause the dishes, your hands clamming up so much that you think the handle of your sponge will fly out of your grasp. “That night, when my lightbulb went out, I actually went out to go grab you. But— uh— I saw something… else… instead…”

Your eyes squeeze shut, entirely too mortified to even think about what his reaction could be. It’s been a minute since the ordeal played out, so really you didn’t have to say anything. Part of you felt like you couldn’t continue this relationship in good conscience without being totally honest, though.

Strong hands wrap gently around your wrists, turning you around to face him. He tsks, “Open your eyes, princess.”

His eyes are soft, no hint of disappointment or disgust on his features as he stares back at you. His lips curl into a smug smile after a couple seconds, cupping your jaw and caressing your cheek with his thumb. You blink at him, a little confused by the shift in atmosphere, but not complaining.

“You’re not—?”

“You watched me fuck my fist, is that right?” Yunho asks so bluntly, so vulgarly. “Tell me, what did you do after that?”

It’s easy to divert your gaze again, focusing on how interesting the material of his button up suddenly is. It’s one thing to admit that you stood there and watched for a bit, it’s another to admit you stuffed yourself with your own fingers not even fifteen minutes later. But you think he already knows that, based on your behavior and some good ol’ context clues.

“I… I touched myself,” you whimper, ashamed of how you’re getting turned on. The worst part is the fact that he’s enjoying this. He’s enjoying the way he has you folding for him so quickly. “To the thought of you…”

Yunho’s grip on your chin tightens and his eyes flutter shut with a groan. “Fuck, baby, that’s so hot…”

You weren’t sure how this would go, and a piece of you genuinely thought he might even end things with you. Any other person would think you were sick and perverted, but not him. It makes you feel a lot better and a lot more secure in your relationship.

Your tongue pokes out of the corner of your mouth, grazing the pad of his thumb. He hisses, cursing under his breath, letting you wrap your lips around and suck the finger. Yunho stares with not a single coherent thought behind his eyes. He’s losing his composure, pressing his thumb down on your tongue.

“Do you think you can tell me? How exactly did you touch yourself?” He purses his lips, his free hand slipping into the opening of your overalls, dragging his finger along the exposed skin of your waist. You shake your head with a whine.

”Yun… That’s embarrassing…”

He pulls his hand out of your overalls, hooking the digit into your belt loop and yanking you closer. His mouth is dangerously near your own, lips brushing yours when he speaks. “I wanna know. Need to picture my pretty princess fucking herself desperately ‘cause her fingers aren’t enough to get her off.”

Your legs feel like jelly, your cunt clenching around nothing just by his words alone. Yunho had always done such a good job at being the sweet and doting partner everyone wanted. He was attentive, praised you like you were a living, breathing goddess. But this dirty side of him is different. And you like it a lot more than you should.

“O-Okay…” You swallow thickly, and suddenly he’s spinning you so his chest is to your back. He urges you towards the bedroom, attaching his lips to your neck and sucking the supple skin gently, tenderly.

”Go on,” he says between kisses, still pushing you until you’re standing in the middle of his room. Your eyes already feel heavy and you haven’t done anything yet. “Tell me.”

”I— um— I thought about your hands and how big they are,” your tone is shaky, and you hope you don’t sound stupid. “Thought about how good it would feel to have them all over me. I pictured that it was your fingers inside of me. Imagined your cock, and how big it is.”

“Is that so? I’m just not getting the visual, babe. I think I need you to show me.” He hums, a hint of amusement in his voice. As if this couldn’t get more embarrassing, now he wants you to finger yourself in front of him? You’re about to protest, but he’s pressing your lower back to the mattress and talking against the corner of your mouth again, teasing you because he knows he can. “If you’re good for me, I’ll fuck you so well, you won’t be able to forget the shape of my cock.”

You nod with a whimper, hopping onto the bed and scooting all the way up to the pillows. Your hands are wobbly as you undress yourself, unbuckling your overalls and kicking them off your feet. Of course you chose the worst day to dress the part. Yunho sits at the edge, watching you with an unreadable expression.

When you’re in nothing but your top and panties, he clears his throat, leaning back onto his palms. His tongue darts out to wet his lips. “Move your underwear to the side for me, princess. Let me see your pretty pussy.”

It’s almost impossible to hold back a moan, following his instructions. You glide your middle finger through your folds, showcasing how you’re practically dripping for him in the amount of time it’s taken you to get from the kitchen to here. He exhales through his nose, legs spreading to give you a glimpse of an uncomfortable looking bulge in his pants.

You sigh deeply at the sight, circling your finger around your clit slowly. The thought of being the cause behind it, of getting Yunho so hot and bothered, drives you crazy and has you curling your toes.

“Just like that,” he encourages, tossing his denim button up to the floor. He palms over his erection, tilting his head slightly. “Can you do some more for me?”

“Mhm,” is all you can manage to force out, doing what he asked. You shove your ring and middle fingers inside of yourself, finally releasing a moan at the intrusion. You keep pressure on your clit with the heel of your palm. There’s silence between you save for the occasional whine.

Yunho shivers, shimmying out of his pants so he can stroke himself freely. You gawk at him with bated breath, biting your lip as your fingers pick up their pace. There’s a knot that settles in the pit of your stomach, tightening and tightening in preparation for that special moment.

The view of him spread out in front of you, fucking up into his hand with hooded eyes trained on your own playing with your cunt, is too much. He’s wearing that same godforsaken white tank top as he was the night you saw him, the muscles in his forearm and bicep flexing with each twist of his wrist, each pump of his cock.

You feel like you’re drooling, ogling at him like he was a piece of meat. But you couldn’t help it. Yunho was the most attractive man you’d ever laid eyes on. The longer you stare, the further you fall. That’s a conclusion you’ve come to a little too late.

“‘M close, Yun,” you moan, arching your back off of the pillows, head almost clunking against the headboard. “Wanna cum with you.”

“I’m almost there, too, baby,” he grunts, teeth gritted as he runs his thumb over his slit. That has a loud whine spilling from your lips, your feet digging into the mattress. You don’t know how much longer you can last.

Your fingers try to reach that spongy, sensitive spot deep in your cunt, but you can’t. It seems that only Yunho’s long, thick fingers could accomplish that feat. No wonder you were so obsessed with his hands.

You opt for using the fingers of your free hand to swipe quickly at your clit while the others curl and thrust into you, inching you toward that steep cliff that has stars decorating your vision. Judging by the volume of his sounds getting higher and higher, you can tell Yunho’s right there with you.

One particular absentminded curse from him has your brain short circuiting, that promise of release washing over you almost violently. Your body aches and quivers, orgasming harder than you ever had just with your own hand. (You’d like to think the presence of a certain cowboy had everything to do with it.)

He groans and follows behind shortly after, painting his hand in milky white. The two of you try to catch your breaths, laying there for a couple moments to recuperate. After a while, Yunho leans over to kiss you gently, squeezing your cheeks with his cum covered hand. You scrunch your nose.

“You’re getting it on my face!”

“That was the goal,” he laughs, pressing another sweet kiss to your lips. You roll your eyes, licking away whatever was near your mouth. He groans again. “Fuck, are you trying to kill me? Purposely?”

“Maybe,” you shrug. “I remember being told you’d fuck me if I did good for you. Where’s my reward?”

“Trust me, I didn’t forget.”

#atzhouse #ateez #ateez x reader #ateez smut #ateez jeong yunho #ateez yunho #ateez yunho x reader #ateez yunho smut #jeong yunho x reader #jeong yunho smut #yunho x reader #yunho smut #yunhoszn #📮 — reqs

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yayakoishii · 7 months

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Hello, I’ve loved seeing all of your One Piece content recently! Could I request a Sanji and a fellow straw hat reader who recently got married? I saw something recently about how once Sanji gets married, there would come a moment where someone would call ‘Vinsmoke’ and both would turn their heads and it would just cause Sanji to get emotional because he finally shares a last name with someone who doesn’t see him as worthless. Someone who instead looks at him like he single-handedly placed every star in the sky. If you don’t end up writing this that’s alright, I at least wanted to share this little scenario.

Vinsmoke | Sanji x Reader

Fandom: One Piece

Pairing: Vinsmoke Sanji x Reader

Word Count: 600

Genre: Fluff, minor angst?

A/n: *laughs in still haven't read past Ch. 526* Hey there requester <3 Firstly, I'm happy to hear you enjoy my writing! Thank you so much for this absolutely lovely request. You actually requested it when they were closed but I found it too cute and wanted to write it– even though I haven't reached that part in the manga yet. But, I wrote based on the things I learnt from fanfics (and whatever I got spoiled about, lol) so this might be inaccurate? I would have loved to expand but I need to know the entire backstory properly before I could do that TT Still, I had a fun time writing this cute drabble! Hope you enjoy it ♡

also available on ao3!

Sanji woke up to the most beautiful sight in his entire life– you lying next to him, curled up against his chest from where he could see your hair spilling over the pillow and your relaxed face. This was the sight he was going to wake up every day to, from now on, and the thought of it made him feel like the most blessed man on Earth.

You shifted a little, burrowing closer into him, as if you two were already sticking to each other. He could feel your skin on his own, reminders of the night before but all he could feel at the moment was overwhelming love. He couldn't hold back when he saw your hand with a ring come up to lie above his heart. The choked off sound he let out woke you up, and you looked up at him with sleepy puffy eyes.

"Sanji…?" You mumbled, humming in contentment when he wrapped you up in his arms. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, my love," he said quietly, gathering you into his arms, his own wedding band grazing your back as he did so. You shivered at the sudden cold touch but looked at him with dopey eyes full of so much love that he felt blinded. "Just thinking of how lucky I am."

The two of you eventually rolled out of the hotel bed and got ready to leave for your trip. You were on your honeymoon, a week long trip to a famous vacation island that had a lot of fun activities. Sanji had gotten ready first and gone down to the lobby to discuss something with the staff. You hurried up and joined him there after you had made sure that all the marks he left on you were hidden well under your clothes. You were not embarrassed by them – but you were also a private person who preferred to keep certain things to yourself. The love Sanji made to you was something no one else has to see or know. It was something just for you to experience.

You checked out at the reception since you had the room key and were about to make your way to Sanji when the hotel staff behind you suddenly called out, "Vinsmoke-san?"

"Yes?" You turned around automatically, feeling a little giddy. You had been preparing for this ever since Sanji proposed to you. To be called by his name, to be called his…

You didn't notice Sanji's reaction because of your own thoughts. The blonde had turned to answer the call only to be left dumbfounded when he realised the staff had called for you. You, who were now Vinsmoke (Y/n), had replied back with so much ease, like you had been answering to it your whole life.

And it was like someone had pulled his heart out of his chest and clenched it– it was both painful and pleasing to him that you were a Vinsmoke now. The first one to always be by his side, the first one to protect him even though he was clearly no longer the weak boy he once was. The first one to look at him like he hung the stars in the sky, the first one to love and accept him for who he was– you were now his first, real family. The family he had chosen and started. The family who loved him.

"Sanji?" Your concerned voice jolted him out of his thoughts and he blinked, feeling his eyes wet suddenly. His face was cradled gently in your soft hands as you looked up at him, silently asking him why he was about to cry. "What got you like this?"

Sanji swallowed the heavy lump he could feel in his throat, like his emotions had turned into a ball and were trying to come up his throat. He blinked away the last vestiges of his tears, instead wrapping you up in his arms again.

"You being mine now," he whispered, knocking his forehead gently against yours. His clear blue eyes looked straight into yours as he added, "In heart, mind, name and life."

°•❀•°

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece fanfic #one piece imagines #one piece drabble #quick drabble #vinsmoke sanji #vinsmoke sanji x reader #sanji x reader #op sanji #sanji #sanji fanfic #one piece sanji #black leg sanji #fic request #fluff #married sanji and reader is such a cute duo omg #i loved writing this #even tho i'm writing based off the spoilers i know lmao

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randxmthxughts · 1 year

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your lips, my lips, apocalypse - neteyam x omaticaya ! reader

summary: when y/n hangs out with the women at the lab and decides to put on lipstick to feel pretty, her friends start to make fun of her. but not neteyam, he thinks she looks cute

contains: fluff, fluff, FLUFF, fluffy Neteyam, bf!Neteyam, bf material

wc: 1k

a/n: basically, i’ve been thinking about the sully kids hanging around the labs all the time and being fascinated with normal human stuff, especially with the makeup. then i saw this trend on tiktok, and i find it so cute and adorable, i wanted to do something similar with neteyam. so don’t thank me for the extra neteyam fluff you’re getting today… actually, do thank me please, i love the encouragement ♡

masterlist

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Whenever the Sully kids would visit the science facility, you were always there to tag along. At first, it was because Neteyam had to keep an eye on his siblings, and you were basically attached by the hip to him. But as your visits became more frequent, you found yourself growing fascinated with the things humans brought with them from the Earth. The small gadgets they used, the clothes they wore, but especially the makeup. You could sit and watch women fixing up their makeup for hours. The way they would open their mouths while coating their eyelashes with thick black paint, or the way they’d change the color of their lips every time you saw them. One time you even noticed marks of the said colors on one of the men in the lab, and while the others found it gross, your heart fluttered at the thought of leaving similar marks on Neteyam.

"Do you want to try it?" Marissa nodded at you through the mirror, as she finished applying her bright red lipstick, "Come on, it will be fun."

You hesitate for a second before nodding your head in agreement. The idea of seeing yourself with painted lips has always intrigued you. Marissa stands up to level herself with you and holds up two lipsticks, one is bright red - the one she's wearing, the other one is pink.

"Which one do you want?"

When you catch your reflection in the mirror for the first time, you can't help but break out into a giddy smile. The pink lipstick on your lips makes them appear bolder on your face, and your eyes are instinctively drawn to them. Marissa watches your reaction with a grin and compliments you on how beautiful you look. You too feel special, the same way you feel special when you dress up for celebrations.

You jump to your feet soon after, eager to find your friends and show off your new look. But your heart shatters into a thousand of pieces when you see their confused faces. Spider and Kiri stare at you with widened eyes, and when Lo'ak follows their gaze to you, he bursts into laughter.

"Lo’ak, shut up," Kiri slaps her brother but it is too late.

"It just looks... weird," Spider adds with a whisper.

You squirm under their stares and make your way towards the exit, eager to get away. But your plans are quickly derailed when you bump into Neteyam. You don’t want him to see you like this.

"Whoa, where are you rushing off to?" Neteyam asks, as he places his hands on your shoulders. You hang your head low, avoiding his gaze.

"Nowhere," you mumble, trying to shake him off. "I'm going home. Just let me."

"What's wrong, yawne?" Neteyam lifts your chin up with his fingers.

You watch as his pupils widen when he catches a sight of pink on your lips. Your eyes threaten with tears, and your lip starts quivering involuntarily out of embarrassment. Surely, he must think you look ugly too. Before Neteyam can even open his mouth, you storm out of the facility.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

When Neteyam sees you quietly sobbing in your hammock, his chest tightens with ache. After finding out the way his siblings reacted to you earlier and scolding them for hurting his beloved, he practically ran to talk to you.

"Yawne," Neteyam says softly before scooching himself in your hammock.

As you try to wipe away the tears of shame, Neteyam beats you to it, his hands gently cupping your cheeks. You know he hates it when you cry, always blaming himself for it. His face grimaces with pain, while he tries to dry the wetness off your skin.

Neteyam's gaze then shifts to your lips, and you cringe, remembering that you still had the stupid lipstick on.

"I forgot to wipe it off," you mumble, embarrassed.

"Leave it. I want you to keep it on."

"But I look ugly with it," you sniff.

"Nothing can ever make you look ugly, syulang," Neteyam leans in, nuzzling your face, "I think you look very pretty."

"You truly mean it? The others were laughing at me..."

"They are stupid children," he scoffs.

"They are."

"You know I don't like it when you're upset,” Neteyam pulls away slightly to look at you, his voice soft and soothing as he speaks, "Will you please smile for me?"

His words make you feel giddy, knowing that he speaks to you in a way that he doesn't with anyone else. You smile right away, eager to please him. He can’t help but smile back.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks cautiously, "I don't want to mess up your lipstick."

"I have a better idea," you chuckle.

You lean in towards Neteyam, and instead of kissing his lips, you plant a soft one on the corner of his mouth. His lips twitch at your touch, but he patiently lets you take your time. Pulling away slightly, you examine the lipstick mark you left on his skin. It’s a little faint, so you press another kiss to his cheek, this time harder. Then another one to his temple, and his forehead. Neteyam laughs under you, fully aware of the kiss marks you’re now leaving all over him. Finally, when his hands catch you by the waist and pull you onto his lap, you can't help but admire your work. Neteyam beams at you, his face and neck covered in pink marks of your lips.

"You’re done now?" he asks, noting your satisfied grin.

"Hmm, I think that’s enough," you tease, "Now everybody will know that you’re mine."

"Everybody already knows that, yawne," Neteyam grins, "Now can you finally kiss me on the lips?"

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3lostyears · 4 months

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timepetals thoughts i keep having:

i know that the assumption is “she is my s-” means soulmate but i always think he just thinks of rose as his soul. less that she completes him or is his other half and more that she just is his conscience and any goodness he may have is hers. he was born out of love for her, she is such an integral part of him, she is his soul itself.

i know everyone has taken permanent damage from the “how long are you going to stay with me” and why the general focus is on the doctor’s reaction but the way rose says forever gets to me. she’s not giddy or girlish when she says it, in some ways she almost sounds resigned to it, which has wonderfully angsty connotations in the timeline of s2. but it’s why it really works for me, she is so dead serious and committed when she says it, because she understands everything it means (and therefore part of her feels solemn about it). it has a lot of weight to it. even the first time donna says she’s going to travel with the doctor forever to martha at the end of the doctor’s daughter she sounds a lot more fanciful.

every time i hear the doctor scream when rose loses her grip in doomsday i just think that he would absolutely not have survived her actually being sucked into the void.

i always think the vocals in doomsday are similar to the doctor’s theme so to me the angry rock music is rose’s side and the vocals are his, rather than the howling wolf idea i’ve heard some people compare it to. how the doctor’s theme is lonely and mournful with its sparse instruments but calm, everything the ninth doctor was, while doomsday is heartbroken and angry and an entire orchestra because it’s two people overcome with grief together. how doomsday becomes such a motif for both characters individually, even when they're separated.

i still struggle to comprehend that the doctor wearing floral ties in s3 is canon and NOT a fanfic trope like you're telling the doctor said "i need a floral motif as close to my two hearts as possible" and you're describing him as something other than a grieving widower???

the doctor really could not go anywhere in s3 without running into some kind of couple but i never see people talk about the parallels in 42. “we chose this ship together / he keeps me honest so i don’t want false hope” and the way the doctor literally gives mcdonnell his condolences through gritted teeth?? the fact that she would rather die with korwin than be without him and have it be her fault

that the doctor, king of self-loathing, saw rose dressed as his ninth self and carrying a giant weapon and he not only RAN to her but then deliberately protected her from the trauma of seeing him change again. and then tentoo immediately picks a blue suit to be like now i’m matchey matchey with rose 🥰 the universe was ending and he’d seen rose again for two actual minutes but the doctor was so utterly focused on her.

how tentoo truly is rose's doctor, especially as he's got that little bit of nine in him. he's born out of the same love and protection of his previous incarnations but he loses a heart and the curse of the timelords and goes oh, this is rose's heart. and then he wears the blue mourning suit and yes, there is still mourning, but there is also the start of the rest of their lives together.

how the doctor’s hair most noticeably changed after school reunion to become spikier and less boyish. how that coincides with him using mickey to put distance between himself and rose now that he’s been reminded of rose’s mortality.

how wild the doctor and jack’s conversation in utopia is. the way the doctor says “rose” like it’s an entire explanation in itself because even before she absorbed the time vortex she fundamentally changed the life of everyone she met. the way he says “everything she did was so human” and the way he accepts jack’s sorry to him because there’s no trying to deny his feelings from jack, not when he saw his ninth self. the way jack has BARELY finished his sentence about watching rose grow up when the doctor casually asks him if he wants to die, the almost playful way he says it. one semi suicidal immortal who spent half of the season trying to get himself killed to another, both of them still kind of toying with the idea. both of them trying to have hope even though they've lost so much.

#doctor who #timepetals #rose tyler #meta #dw meta

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violet-1atte · 6 months

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Kinktober Day Twenty-Three: Deepthroating - Felix/Jeongin

Tags: virgin!Felix, experienced Jeongin, bjs, hair pulling, come swallowing

AO3 Link

Felix was a virgin. It was a little embarrassing to admit, especially to his boyfriend Jeongin who was a year younger than him and about five times as experienced. Jeongin never judged him for it though and agreed to take things slow to not overwhelm him. He really appreciated the care that the younger one treated him with, but he was also a young man at the prime age of horniness. Sometimes he wished Jeongin would just throw away any idea of taking things slow and would toss him onto bed and put those muscles to good use.

Sadly, it didn’t take him long to realize he would have to take things into his own hands. Jeongin wouldn’t make a move until Felix showed that he wanted him to. He wanted Felix to initiate things.

He decided to take the opportunity as they were making out one day. Felix was in Jeongin’s lap, Jeongin’s hand was on the back of his neck, keeping him close. Felix’s mouth was parted so that Jeongin could slide their tongues together and suck on his bottom lip as he pleased. It was obvious that both of them were getting worked up. Felix’s skin was littered with goosebumps and he could feel Jeongin, semi-hard underneath him. Usually by this point Jeongin would start kissing Felix softer and would begin rubbing his hands down his back to soothe him. They would take care of any problems they had on their own.

But today Felix wasn’t having any of that. Jeongin nipped at his bottom lip and as he did so, Felix gave an experimental roll of his hips. He smirked a little at the soft hitch of Jeongin’s breath and did it again. Jeongin’s grip on Felix’s neck firmed and he pulled back from their kiss, eyes heavy-lidded. “Felix…” he said, and Felix shivered at the way his name sounded like a warning.

“What?” he asked innocently. He grinded down again and Jeongin inhaled sharply.

“Lix…you’re gonna…I’m gonna want to do more if you keep doing that,” he warned, his voice strained. Felix smiled and gave another roll of his hips.

“I know,” he said. Jeongin’s fingers dug into the sides of his neck and he made a little gasp. “I want more. I’m ready to start doing more, Innie.”

“Ah–are you sure, hyung?” Jeongin asked, one hand coming to rest on Felix’s hip.

Felix nodded. “I’m sure. I–I don’t want to go all the way just yet, I want to make that special. But please, something , Iyen-ah, I’ve…” His cheeks began to heat as he spoke and he wet his lips. “I’ve been so horny and your kisses got me all worked up.”

Jeongin took a deep breath and his dick twitched beneath Felix. “O-okay,” he said. “What do you want to do, Lixie?”

“I…” Felix hadn’t thought that far ahead. He just knew he wanted to touch Jeongin and make him feel good and he wanted Jeongin to touch him. “I’m not sure I…” His eyes widened slightly as an idea popped into his mind. Something he had been wanting to try since he first saw Jeongin naked. “Actually I know.”

“What is it?” Jeongin asked. Felix could tell by his tone that he was trying to keep his voice steady. His failure to keep how affected he was out of his voice made him giddy.

“I wanna suck you off. I’ve wanted to for a while,” he admitted, a shy smile forming on his lips. “I think about it when…when I get off.”

“Shit,” Jeongin mumbled, fingers flexing on Felix’s hip. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Felix responded, feeling emboldened by Jeongin’s reactions. “Sometimes I practice. With dildos. Imagine it's you. And you’re pulling my hair and fucking my throat even when I start to cry–”

“Holy shit,” Jeongin breathed. “That’s so hot, hyung. Wow–I thought you were innocent.”

Felix laughed, shaking his head. “I am far from that, Jeongin. That’s only part of what I imagine about you. But I’ll tell you about this afterwards.” He took Jeongin’s hands off him and scooted off his lap so that he could sink to the floor between Jeongin’s legs. He looked up at him with wide eyes, first taking in the prominent bulge in his pants and then he met his gaze. “Can I?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course you can,” Jeongin answered. He spread his thighs and Felix’s mouth started to water in anticipation as he undid his pants. Nerves bubbled up in his stomach when Jeongin lifted his hips to tug his pants and boxers down, revealing his cock. He was really big and that made Felix a little nervous, but he was determined. As far as he knew from his experiments with dildos, he had hardly any gag reflex.

Felix scooted forward and pushed himself up onto his knees so that he could get closer. He leaned forward and gave an experimental lick to the tip. Jeongin hissed above him and he gave another lick, this time lapping over the slit. The precum on his tongue was salty, but the taste wasn’t bad. He could get used to it. He wrapped his lips around the tip next and sucked softly on it. Jeongin moaned and reached out to tangle his fingers in Felix’s hair.

“Fuck, you’re already doing so good, hyung,” Jeongin moaned. The praise spurred Felix on and he flattened his tongue along the underside of Jeongin’s cock. He relaxed his jaw and throat and began to carefully sink down, taking in as much of his cock as he could. Jeongin tightened his grip on Felix’s hair as he sank further down and muffled his noises behind his other hand.

“Fe-Felix, you don’t have to go a-all the way if you ca-can’t,” he stuttered. Felix hummed around his cock, acknowledging that he heard him. He wasn’t planning on giving up like that.

The tip of Jeongin’s cock hit the back of Felix’s throat and tears began to well up in his eyes. He still hadn’t reached the base of Jeongin’s cock yet though, and even if his throat would be raw after this, he wanted to keep going. He wanted to make Jeongin feel good from the beginning.

“Fuck,” Jeongin swore, tugging at Felix’s hair. His thighs shook around Felix from restraint. Felix forced himself down and swallowed around Jeongin’s cock. Jeongin moaned loudly and Felix took a deep breath through his nose until his nose was pressed against his pelvis. His throat contracted a little but he inhaled deep and closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax. “Oh fuck,” Jeongin muttered. “You’re–shit, Felix, are you sure you’ve never done this before.”

Felix looked up at him through his lashes and shook his head slightly before slowly moving his head up. He hollowed his cheeks a little as he went up, fully sucking on Jeongin’s cock until the tip slipped from his lips, a string of saliva hanging between his lips and his cock. “I don’t–” Felix was startled by how rough his voice already sounded so he cleared his throat. “I don’t really have a gag reflex. And I’ve practiced, remember?” He tilted his head with a smile and almost giggled at the way Jeongin shuttered.

“Wow. I–I’ve never had anyone do that before. You’re unreal, Lix.”

Felix blushed. “Thank you, Innie,” he said with a smile, before going back down. He didn’t bother with teasing and instead took all of Jeongin’s cock down his throat in one go, moaning as his mouth was filled again. His eyes stung with new tears as he began to move his head, the tip of Jeongin’s cock hitting the back of his throat with every bob. Jeongin’s mouth fell open, soft moans and groans spilling from his mouth like music.

Felix was a sight as he practically fucked his own mouth on Jeongin’s cock. Some of the tears in his eyes had spilled down his red cheeks and dripped down his chin, collecting with the saliva coating Jeongin’s dick. His lips had already been swollen from kissing Jeongin for so long, but now they were spit-slicked and red, like a cherry lollipop. And with that, Jeongin’s hand tangled in his blond hair made him look messy, adding to his already debauched look.

His jaw began to ache after a bit of having his mouth wide open around his cock. He continued though, willing himself to relax, relax. Tears were streaming down his face by now, and every couple of moments his throat tightened around Jeongin’s cock, creating little gurgling sounds in his throat. He swallowed around Jeongin, sticking his down out along his shaft. His own cock was embarrassingly hard in his pants and he could feel a wet patch forming against his boxers. He felt like he was made to suck dick–the heaviness in his mouth, the taste, the feeling of it sliding down his throat–all things that made him feel dizzy with arousal.

And Jeongin’s noises, the way his thighs were shaking as Felix took him. It made Felix feel desperate, oh so desperate. He sucked around his shaft again and suddenly Jeongin’s hips jerked up, somehow shoving his cock even deeper down Felix’s throat. Felix gagged a little and his eyes watered as he popped off to take a breath. Jeongin quickly cupped his cheek, wiping the tears off his face. “I’m sorry hyung, are you okay?” he asked quickly, worry etched on his features.

Felix nodded. “‘M good.” His voice was hoarse and his throat ached a little but he wanted more. “Want–want you to fuck my mouth. Please. I liked that,” he admitted.

“Are you sure?” Jeongin asked, petting his hair. He nodded enthusiastically.

“Please.” He wrapped his lips around the tip of he cock again and looked up at him with pleading eyes. Jeongin tangled his hand in his hair again and gave it a firm pull, making Felix whimper around him.

“Alright, tap my leg if you want me to stop.” Jeongin’s gaze darkened and Felix felt a shiver run down his spin. Jeongin pushed his head down and his jaw went slack. Then his brain filled with white noise as Jeongin began to thrust up into the wet heat of his mouth, his cock sliding down his throat like it was just any other hole. Felix’s eyes rolled back and his body went slack as he let Jeongin use him for his own pleasure. He did his best to suck and move his tongue but he could barely focus on that with how roughly Jeongin was fucking his throat.

His muffled moans vibrated around Jeongin’s cock and mixed with Jeongin’s own groans. The living room was filled with a dirty mix of sounds, their pleasured noises and Felix’s gags whenever Jeongin thrusted particularly hard. Felix’s cock was aching, practically pulsing with need. He felt used in the best way.

The tugs on his scalp set him on fire, the pain melting into pleasure like liquid gold. Pleasure pulsed through his stomach and little shivers went up his spine as Jeongin used the grip he had on his hair to push him down. He felt like he could come just from this, and being the inexperienced virgin he was, he probably would. Especially when he heard Jeongin grit, “I’m close, fuck ,” above him. All he could do was moan pathetically around his cock.

After a moment, Jeongin began to pull Felix off his cock but he whined in protest. “Nooo,” he whimpered, eyes filling with tears again but this time out of neediness.

“I’m gonna come though, you were already taking so much. I didn’t know if you’d want to swallow cum your first time,” Jeongin said. Once again, Felix greatly appreciated Jeongin’s care for him but what he wanted was for Jeongin to ruin him. He didn’t want to be the same after this. He probably wouldn’t be. Having a real cock in his mouth for the first time already made him insatiable.

“I want to, please. I want to do good,” Felix said, licking his lips.

Jeongin’s breath hitched and he groaned. “F-fuck you can’t just say stuff like that, hyung.” He swallowed thickly. “Okay, I’m gonna come in your mouth then.”

Felix wiggled eagerly and opened his mouth, sticking his tongue out. Jeongin bit his lip as he looked down at him and directed his cock into his mouth. Felix went back to bobbing his head and suckling on the tip whenever he came back up. Jeongin’s sounds made his skin buzz, and it wasn’t long before he felt Jeongin’s muscles tensed under him. He moaned a quick warning and then his cum filled Felix’s mouth. He cringed a bit when it first hit his tongue but then he swallowed with no trouble. He pushed his cock back into his throat as he came so the cum could spill right down his throat. He didn’t pull off until Jeongin had nothing left, and when he sat back, he opened his mouth to show it was empty. “Thank you,” he said with a pleased grin.

Jeongin tongued his cheek and then reached down, grabbing Felix by the shirt to pull him up. Felix gasped as he was tugged against Jeongin and his lips smashed into his. He kissed him like his life depended on his and Felix was breathless by the time he was done, dazed and dizzy. “Wow, you really like that huh, Iyen-ah?” Felix asked with a giggle.

“Of course I did. Holy fuck. I still can’t believe you did that. I almost don’t believe you’re a virgin,” Jeongin said in awe. Felix laughed.

“Well I’m not anymore,” he said proudly. Jeongin shook his head and leaned in to press his lips to his ear.

“I still haven’t fucked you yet.”

Felix shuddered and gulped. “W-well you will soon…but first, can you please touch me? I’m so hard, Innie.” Felix loved the way Jeongin’s heart raced against him.

“Yeah, I can do that. C’mere.”

#kinktober #kinktober 2023 #kinktober day 23 #felix smut #virgin!felix #inexperienced!felix #lee felix smut #jeongin smut #yang jeongin smut #skz smut #stray kids smut #stray kids fanfiction #fanfiction #smut #stray kids fanfic #skz fic #skz fanfic #skz fanfiction

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moni-logues · 7 months

Text

Kintsugi 10

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

Genre: strangers-to-friends-to-lovers, non-idol!au, angst, smut, tiny bit of eventual fluff

Summary: In a fit of spiteful, post-break-up self-improvement, you sign up to a baking class. Yoongi, in a bid to appease his demanding girlfriend, signs up, too. Determined to make him your friend, you end up with more than you ever imagined.

Word count: 8.3k

Content: drinking drinking and more drinking! a fun callback to ch2 and a fun visit from someone (or someoneS) that fans of my other work might recognise...👀

A/N:

Thank you to @quarter-life-crisis2 for the beta!

Chapter Nine | Masterlist | Chapter Eleven

Chapter Ten - Impasse

“You don’t have dinner with Yoongi this week, right? Want to hang out tomorrow night?”

You swivelled your chair towards Taehyung and gave him an apologetic look.

“It’s his birthday party tomorrow.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake... Yeah, I remember.”

You were touched by how put out he was that you were busy and there was more than a little guilt there, too. If it had been anyone else, if it had been anything less than Yoongi’s birthday—his 30th at that—you would have cancelled without question. Lord knew Taehyung had done the same for you.

“You can come, if you want?” you offered. “Yoongi will 100% not mind at all.”

“Ugh, and third wheel you guys all night? No fucking thank you.”

“He might have cute friends? I’ve only met one of them, once, but he was very handsome.”

Taehyung shook his head. For all his insistence, when you were the broken-hearted one, that you should get back on the horse, he had been a little slow to do the same. You didn’t push him on it—hadn't been pushing him on it, but you were starting to think maybe a little pushing was what he needed. It was, after all, what he did to you and whilst he might not have been entirely right, he had had a point. It wasn’t like Taehyung to be backward about coming forwards; on a different day, in different circumstances, he might well have leapt at the chance to ‘third wheel’ you and Yoongi and prey on his cute, gay friends (assuming Yoongi had them).

You were going to push the issue, just a little, but he turned his attention back towards his monitor, and you took it as a sign to switch tack.

“I can come over after?”

“YES.”

His answer was immediate, emphatic, and enthusiastic. He turned back to you with wide eyes.

“Yes, come over for a debrief. Please. But can you please make it interesting? You owe me.”

“Define ‘interesting’.”

“Oh, I don’t know! Tell me there was a fight or you found me a date or you finally fucking told Yoongi how you feel.”

“Noooo,” you whined and tipped your head forward into your hands. You pretended to cry a little. Then you sighed. “Sometimes I think I can tell him; sometimes I want to tell him, but then I think about actually doing it and change my mind. It’s just-… It’s like you said; having a crush is fun! Do you know how weird and giddy I feel like, every time he texts me? I feel like I’m on drugs! It’s so cute and he’s so cute and I just want to eat him up whole, y’know? And it’s like that, it’s just like that until I think about us being together, or telling him how I feel, or trying to put these feelings into any kind of action. Then it’s like a fucking door slamming in my face. I want to tell him but I... I don’t know what comes next.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? What comes next is the relationship, being together, all that stuff you want.”

You squirmed. As fun and enjoyable as your crush on Yoongi was, that was how dreadful and anxiety-inducing the thought of being with him was. The same thing, in a way, and yet they produced such opposing reactions in you. You didn’t want to deal with that fear, with that uncertainty. You just wanted to stay in this sweet, little crush space forever and you told Taehyung as much.

“Do you, though? Forever? You think you can bear seeing him and not being with him forever?”

“No! Of course I can’t! But I... I’m not ready.”

It was the first time you had said it–out loud and to yourself. You weren’t ready. You didn’t know when you would be ready or what you needed to do to get there but you nodded to yourself, knowing you were right. You weren’t ready yet. You couldn’t cross that line.

“Are you sure? Because this party really would be a great opportunity for it. It’s his birthday, and nothing says ‘I have huge, sappy feelings for you’ better than sloppy birthday head, just saying.”

“Teddy!”

You gave him a sharp slap on the arm for that one.

“What? I’m right.”

“I am not going to do that,” you said through gritted teeth.

He merely shrugged and rolled his eyes, turning back to his monitor having lost interest.

“Suit yourself.”

“Happy birthday, bro!” Jin cried as he sat next to Yoongi and gave his back a slap.

“Thanks,” was Yoongi’s quiet reply as he picked up his chopsticks.

“Excited for your party?”

Yoongi rolled his eyes.

“Come on, it’s your birthday! It’ll be fun!”

He grunted noncommittally.

“You-know-who will be there,” Jin was cajoling in a sing-song voice.

“I know and I don’t know why you refer to her like that; she has a name and you know what it is.”

“Yes, but she remains a mystery to us all since none of us has ever met her, which is why we had to make you throw this party!”

“I don’t know why it matters.” Yoongi was mumbling because he’d had this conversation with them before. Too many times. So many times, in fact, that they had worn him down and he had agreed to throw this party, just so they could meet you.

“Because-” Jin slammed his hand down on the table for emphasis “-you have been moping around this entire year-”

“It’s only March-”

“-This entire year! Pining after her and we are sick of it. We’re going to judge her and see if she’s right for you and then we’re going to push you together and make you kiss like you’re Barbie and Ken.”

Yoongi scowled. This was exactly what he didn’t want. This was why he had, not entirely consciously but nevertheless had, been keeping you separate. He liked keeping you like a secret, just his, where no one could get you and no one could see him. His friends were bad enough as it was; he knew if they met you, they would become insufferable in their ‘encouragement’. There was also the fear that you would like one of them better, that he would become a stepping stone to your future, eternal happiness with someone else.

Not that he didn’t want you to be happy. He did. And you could definitely do worse than his friends, but the thought of having to see you around, with him (whichever him it was), and having to be happy about it made him feel sick.

“Who’s Barbie and Ken?” Yijeong asked, taking a seat opposite Yoongi and apologising for being late.

“Yoongi and his mystery woman,” Jin answered whilst Yoongi continued scowling.

“Oh shit yeah, she’s coming to the party, right?”

Yoongi nodded.

“You’ve got to tell her, dude,” Yijeong demanded with a mouthful of sashimi. “It’s the perfect opportunity! It’s your fucking birthday, bro!”

“I’m not telling her anything. There’s nothing to tell.”

Both of his friends scoffed and rolled their eyes.

“We’re not stupid, Yoongi. You’ve been a miserable cunt this year and we all thought it was because your granddad died and you had to go back to Daegu but thank god for Namjoon, because he told us everything.”

“Can’t believe you trust Namjoon over me.”

“Namjoon is in a happy relationship,” Yoongi reasoned.

“First of all, ow, rude. Second of all, I’m married,” Jin argued back.

“You’re getting divorced.”

“NO, she wants to divorce me and I have not agreed to it. Besides-” he said with a huge sweep of his hand, “-this is not about me. This is about you. And what has Namjoon told you to do?”

Namjoon had told Yoongi to do pretty much the exact same thing that Jin and Yijeong had told him to do: be honest. Confess. He wasn’t prepared to do that.

He had gone to Namjoon because Namjoon had somehow dug an incredibly fulfilling, loving relationship out of a disaster and he had been hoping there was some sort of secret to it, something that he could do that would get him over the hump without actually having to get over it.

He should have known better. Not only was Namjoon’s advice to be honest about his feelings, but the conversation had involved him saying things like ‘it got a lot worse before it got better’ and ‘it was kind of painful’ and ‘I really don’t think I’ve ever put myself out there more, to be honest’. Yoongi wasn’t up to that. As much as he felt like it was killing him to have you so close and yet so far, he couldn’t bring it home, couldn’t drag it across the line. There was too much at stake.

He let himself think about it, just once. On the eve of his birthday, lying in his bed, looking at the clock slowly edging towards midnight, he thought about what he wanted. No presents. He didn’t care about presents; he could buy what he wanted or needed. He wanted you. He wanted a relationship with you, a future with you. He wanted you, lying next to him in bed, counting down the minutes with him. He imagined you would be more excited than he was; you would make him wear a party hat and be ready with a party blower for the second the minute ticked over. He would pretend to be annoyed by it, because you found that just as much fun, but no one had ever been excited for him like that before and he would think about how grateful he was to have you, celebrating him.

He couldn’t imagine you sweeter or kinder than you were now. He couldn’t imagine having more fun than he did with you now. He imagined being happy, content, at peace: waking with you and going to sleep with you; cooking with you and curling up on the sofa; just being with you and being happy. He knew that you would make him happy because you already did. You made him feel a little softer, a little mellower, a little warmer. You made him want to be closer than he had been to anyone. He already was closer to you, really, than he had been with anyone; you had seen more sides of him, more honest parts of him, than anyone else. And you were still here.

But he knew that was as far as it went, as far as he would take it. You meant more to him than he dared to admit to anyone, than he could stand to admit to himself, and he wasn’t going to risk it. Not for a fantasy.

For one night, though, he did let himself imagine it. He indulged himself a little, let him think about what he might, in some parallel universe, be able to have.

“Earth to Yoongi.”

Yijeong waved his chopsticks in front of Yoongi’s face.

“See?” Jin asked. “You’re not even listening to us because you’re too busy being moony-eyed after her!”

“You’ve got to do something, bro. It’s your birthday. Get yourself a present and get yourself a girlfriend.”

“I’m not sure that’s really how it works,” Yoongi replied. “She’s not a present.”

“You know what I mean! Tell her how you feel and get it over with! It’ll be like a weight’s been lifted-”

“And then a heavier one slammed back down when she rejects me.”

“She’s not going to reject you, you fucking moron!” Jin leant across and stole the final piece of Yoongi’s dragon roll. “I’m taking this as payment for having to listen to you say something so stupid.”

“Whatever.” Yoongi had finished his food and was more than finished with this conversation. He didn’t want to think about this on his birthday. He just wanted to get through the day and make it to dinner (slightly unfortunate that Jin and Yijeong were coming to that, too, but maybe this way they’d have got this conversation out of their systems). “I’m not telling her anything and neither is anyone else.”

He was being unreasonable; he knew they were trying to be helpful, encouraging; he knew they were on his side. But he was anxious about the party, anxious about his feelings for you, anxious about trying not to anxious. He reminded himself of things he’d been learning lately, repeating little mantras to himself while Jin and Yijeong continued to speculate wildly on what would happen; he tuned them out and reminded himself that he could be happy, that he would be happy, regardless of what happened.

You shoved Yoongi’s present rather unceremoniously into your bag, took a deep breath and another shot for good luck before putting on your coat, opening your door, and braving the night.

It was foggy and cold enough for your breath to still cloud in front of you, making it feel far more wintery than you felt it had any right to. It gave the night an air of mystery, everything cloaked in silver, the approaching corner appearing as if from nowhere.

You’d have preferred a clear night, one with spring nipping at its heels, promising warmth and light and the end of winter. It would have given you your own spring in your step. As it was, you were wrapping your thin coat (you had thought it would be warm enough to leave your puffy coat at home) around you tightly, walking quicker, and blowing at your red, numbing fingers.

You were excited. It had been some time since you’d been to a party and you were looking forward to meeting Yoongi’s friends. There was an edge of apprehension to your excitement but you shook it off (the shots helped with that); you liked parties and you liked meeting new people and you were good at it and it was Yoongi’s birthday and he’d asked you to be there. It was all coming up Millhouse.

You just hoped what you were wearing was appropriate. It wasn’t until you were dressing that you realised you hadn’t asked about a dress code. You had heard of the bar where the party was being held and assumed the rest, but as you slipped on your little black dress (a classic, a failsafe), it occurred to you that you might be getting it very wrong.

Some panicked texts to Taehyung, some impatient replies back, a lot of selfies and wardrobe changes later, you had ended up back in the black dress. It was a nice dress, one that you felt confident in, one that San used to joke about not letting you wear because it was too sexy and he wouldn’t be able to fight off his competition. You wanted to look sexy tonight. You hadn’t dressed like this for Yoongi before, or around Yoongi. He hadn’t seen you like this, not really. You were, somewhere deep down there, hoping for a positive reaction.

You were stopped short at the entrance to the bar.

“Sorry, ma’am, there’s a private function tonight.”

“Uh, I, yeah, I know. I was invited.”

“Oh, can I have your name please?”

You gave the security guard your name and they checked a list and let you through. You left your bag and coat in a cloakroom to the left and entered the main space.

It was far busier than you had expected. How many friends did Yoongi have?! The room was full, all the sofas at the back and the booths along the side, too. You walked through the crowd, scanning for Yoongi, wondering how you would spot him through the sea of white shirts and black suit jackets. A familiar face appeared—not Yoongi, but Namjoon. You waved and he frowned, taking a second or two to recognise you. His face softened as he did and he waved you over.

“Hi!” you said, brighter than you probably should have been but so relieved to have found someone you knew.

“Hey, nice to see you again. You look very nice.”

“Thank you. I was worried it would be too much? Kind of didn’t really get a dress code from Yoongi.”

“That does not surprise me, but you look beautiful, don’t worry.”

You didn’t miss the kick at the ankle the woman next to Namjoon gave him. He apologised and introduced you both; it was his girlfriend, Suri. Of course.

“We met once when I was looking after Cherry,” he explained to her before turning back to you. “Do you want a drink? It’s a free bar so go crazy.”

“A free bar?! Fucking hell, how much money does one guy have?”

“Oh, they’re all fucking loaded,” Suri replied, “it’s kind of sickening. But also, the manager here definitely has a thing for Yoongi so I expect he got a very good deal.”

“Oh?”

You tried not to be interested, but a spark of jealousy ignited in you. Did Yoongi like the manager, too? Is that why he chose this place? Namjoon responded quickly and dispelled (most of) your worry.

“Oh, you say that about everyone,” he said, addressing his girlfriend.

“Yeah, because everyone has a thing for Yoongi! Don’t tell me that’s not true. People like him.”

‘And why shouldn’t they?’ you thought. Everyone should. Obviously. It was Yoongi—why wouldn’t they?

“I’m sure he only likes Yoongi as much as he likes anyone else, but even if he did have a crush, he has a business to run; he’s not going to make a loss because of it.”

‘I would,’ you couldn’t help thinking and were glad and extremely proud of yourself for managing not to say it.

“Says Mr Take-All-My-Money! You know you would, if it were me.”

Namjoon didn’t have a comeback to that and you were glad; you didn’t want to talk about other people having crushes on Yoongi. Your own crush was more than enough to deal with.

At the bar, Namjoon left you and you ordered a gin and tonic for yourself and one for Suri.

“Namjoon has told me I’m supposed to look after you,” she told you, matter-of-factly. “I don’t know if you actually need looking after because you seem more comfortable here than I am but, y’know, I’m here for you or something.”

You laughed.

“Namjoon seems like a really good guy.”

You could see her try to fight a smile, but she gave up quickly and it lit her face like a spotlight.

“Yeah, he’s pretty nice.”

You laughed again.

“Have you met Yoongi? I feel like you and he might get on quite well.”

She laughed this time and nodded.

“Yeah, he was actually the first one of Namjoon’s friends to give me a chance, so I’ve kind of got a soft spot for him. And I meant it when I said people like him; I don’t know, there’s something about him. He’s likable, right?”

You nodded and hummed your agreement. You didn’t prod, though your curiosity had been piqued about her history with Namjoon, because you knew if she was anything like Yoongi, you had to let her come to you; any pressure and she would clam up like an oyster.

“Do you know where Yoongi is? I’ve only just arrived but I haven’t seen him yet.”

She shrugged.

“Namjoon said my job is to look out for you and his job is to stop Yoongi hiding from everyone, so I expect he is hiding from everyone.”

That sounded like the Yoongi you knew.

“Yeah, I have to say, this is not really what I expected. To be honest, I didn’t really imagine he would be into parties at all, let alone throwing one for his birthday, and this is way more than I expected.”

“I don’t think he was given much choice. Even Namjoon was pestering him to do something; I think they wore him down and this ended up being the path of least resistance.”

“They made him have a party?”

“I only know what Namjoon tells me and he told me a while ago to keep this night free because they were trying to get Yoongi to throw a party. I said I didn’t think Yoongi liked parties and Namjoon said he doesn’t but that’s not the point.” She threw her hands in the air as if to say ‘hell if I know’ and shrugged.

“But these really are all Yoongi’s friends?”

It wasn’t that you didn’t expect him to have friends; you knew he had friends, you just hadn’t expected so many of them. He wasn’t exactly a people-person, not really, yet he had managed to get an entire bar-full of people to show for his birthday. Maybe she was right-- well, she was right; Yoongi was likable. It was just that he didn’t usually like that many people back.

She shrugged.

“I have no idea. I know a couple of them, because they’re friends with Namjoon, too, but most of them? I got nothing. I think Yoongi’s more popular than he thinks he is, though; people like him. I know I keep saying that. I don‘t mean it in a weird way; it’s just true. Wouldn’t surprise me if they all think they’re friends with Yoongi. Meanwhile, he probably doesn’t even realise they know his name.”

That sounded like Yoongi, too.

“You’re right. Yoongi’s great.”

It was you who couldn’t keep the grin off your face, now. You had to find him.

“I’m going to go and look for him, is that ok?”

“Yeah, do what you want! Do you want me to come, too?”

You were sure she did not want you to take her up on that offer and you didn’t need a hand-holder, so you declined and let her off-duty to go and find Namjoon. She was almost offensively relieved.

“Are you the mystery woman?”

A tall, broad man stopped you and peered closely at you.

“Uh, I don’t know?”

He asked your name and when you gave it, he cheered and called loudly for his friends.

“It’s you!” he cried, shaking you by the shoulder. “The guest of honour!”

“I’m... The guest of honour?”

“Do you know how long we’ve been waiting to meet you?” Another asked.

“I, um... Uh, no?”

Yoongi pushed between the two of them and looked at you, slightly panicked, a little apologetic. You were relieved to see him and to know that they were his friends and he was coming to rescue you from them... You assumed he was here to rescue anyway.

“Please ignore everything they’ve said to you.”

“Ah, Yoongi, we haven’t said anything!” the taller of the two exclaimed.

“Not yet!” chimed the other, with a performative wink.

“Should I know what is going on here?” you asked, feeling a little lost.

“We’ve heard so much about you, but Yoongi has been gatekeeping you from us.”

“Can you believe you’ve never met any of Yoongi’s friends before-”

“-Oh, well, I know Namjoon.”

They both turned to Yoongi and you couldn’t tell if the outrage on their faces was real or acted.

“What?!”

“Yoongi, what the fuck, man? You let Namjoon meet her? And not us?”

Yoongi looked pained.

“It was when I was in Daegu. It’s not like I planned it.”

He looked a little put out, a little pouty, his brows pulling together just slightly over his eyes. It was cute, seeing him be teased by people other than you, by people who knew him, by people who liked him. You decided you liked them already. You thrust your hand out to them and introduced yourself properly.

“Jin,” the taller of the two replied.

“Yijeong.”

“And you both... work with Yoongi?”

“Ah, I used to,” Jin answered. “Then I left the dark side.”

“I’m still on the dark side,” said Yijeong.

You made small talk, the four of you, for a little longer but there were knowing glances between Jin and Yijeong that made you feel self-conscious, like something else was happening, like you might unknowingly be the butt of a joke. You excused yourself to go to the bathroom.

You turned back at the door and could only see their backs, your view of Yoongi completely obscured and when you returned, Yoongi had disappeared again.

You made a few more trips to the bar in between trying to insert yourself into conversations. Most people were nice and welcoming and it was fine, but you weren’t at the party for them and Yoongi was still nowhere to be seen.

Deciding to give your feet a break, you perched at the end of a booth and finished your drink. It wasn’t long before Namjoon found you.

He almost walked right past you, but he did a double-take and turned.

“Are you ok?”

You nodded.

“Why are you on your own? Wher-”

“Suri’s just gone to the bar,” you lied, not wanting to get his girlfriend into trouble. You couldn’t really imagine Namjoon causing trouble, but you erred on the side of caution.

“Oh, ok, good. Are you ok, though? Are you having a good time? Have you seen Yoongi yet?”

“Yes, yes, and yes, though only briefly. I met Jin and Yijeong and he showed up. Then when I came back from the toilets, he had gone somewhere else.”

Namjoon sighed and gestured for you to shove up a little on the bench so he could sit next to you.

“I found him earlier on the roof,” he said, “so if you want to find him, I’d go there first.”

“Oh, thanks!”

You wanted then to go and find him immediately, but Namjoon had blocked you in. He was looking thoughtfully into his own glass and all you could do was wait for him to speak up.

“You and Yoongi are close, huh?” he asked eventually.

“Yep.”

“We didn’t really get a chance to talk much when we met before. I felt a little weird, to be honest; it felt strange meeting you in his apartment when he wasn’t there.”

“Yes! I felt the same.”

You laughed a little nervously and the nerves didn’t stop when Namjoon turned to look directly at you, his face serious.

“You’re important to him, you know that?”

You swallowed.

“Yes.”

He nodded and turned back to his glass, obviously still thinking.

“I feel like you want to say something,” you told him.

“I do, but I don’t think I should.”

“I say a lot of stuff I shouldn’t, if I’m honest,” you began, hoping you could just steamroll right over this conversation because you didn’t know where it was heading, but you wouldn’t stand up to an interrogation – you'd had too much to drink and lord knew Taehyung had heard enough about Yoongi, so you were dying for another outlet to talk about him. “It’s probably my number one skill, if you can call it a skill. The real trick is getting me to shut up, but no one’s figured that one out yet.” You let out yet more nervous laughter and ploughed on. “I don’t really know how to not say what’s in my head, y’know? I’ve been working on it, trying to keep my trap shut, trying to maintain an air of mystery if you will. I don’t think it’s going very well, to be honest. Not really in my nature...”

You began to peter out when you noticed Namjoon’s face change. He was frowning at first, not sure where you were going with your rambling, then he was listening, and now he was patiently, indulgently smiling at you.

“You are very sweet,” he said, interrupting you.

“Oh, uh, I, uh... ok?”

You didn’t know how to respond to that. You had been so busy working out how to keep on talking that you hadn’t expected him to say anything at all. Definitely not something like that.

“Uh, you have a girlfriend, right?”

Namjoon looked briefly horrified and immediately held his hands up in surrender.

“No, no! Oh no, I did not mean- I wasn’t-”

“Oh ok, n-”

“-No, no, no, I wasn’t trying to come on to you-”

“Yeah, of course, I-”

“-oh god, no, no. Yes! Yes, I have a girlfriend-”

“No, I know, I j-”

“-God, sorry I didn’t-”

“No, it’s fine. Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

You smiled at each other sheepishly, both embarrassed. Namjoon cleared his throat.

“I meant for Yoongi. You are sweet. I’m glad.”

He paused but you knew he hadn’t finished, so you just waited. All your practice with Yoongi paying off.

“I think you have been very good for him,” he said, slowly, evenly, still thinking out the sentence as he was saying it. “I don’t think anyone thought taking those baking classes was a good idea at the time, but we’re pretty unanimous now that we’re happy he did.”

Embarrassment burnt on your cheeks and you were grateful for the dim lighting. You bit the inside of your lip, not trusting yourself to speak. Namjoon was still considering you carefully and his gaze was watchful, penetrating; you felt as if he could see right through you. Maybe he could. Or maybe he didn’t need to; your feelings had always been bright and loud—you'd said it yourself. You usually wore your heart on your sleeve; perhaps you weren’t doing as good a job of hiding it as you thought.

“I know he is very happy you came tonight,” he continued, still slow, still thoughtful.

“I am happy to have come.”

In the beat that passed, before Namjoon could take his turn, you bit the bullet. It was on the tip of your tongue anyway; Namjoon would have got it out of you sooner or later (likely very much sooner).

“I like him.”

You wished Namjoon would stop looking at you like that.

“I mean, like... Like him,” you attempted to clarify, to prompt Namjoon into a useful response. “I have feelings for him.”

Namjoon didn’t attempt to hide his smile. He nodded, mostly to himself, and took a sip of his drink.

“That’s good,” was all he said.

“What does that mean? ‘That’s good’?”

“You know someone has to go first, right? Someone has to take the leap. If you both stand still... Nothing will change.”

You already wished you could eat back your words. Namjoon wasn’t Taehyung; he didn’t know everything. You couldn’t tell him everything, not here, not now. It was too much. You shouldn’t have said anything; it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t that easy. You weren’t ready.

“I know,” he said, responding to you as if he had read your mind. “Taking the leap is scary. Horrible. Sometimes it goes horribly wrong.” He turned to scan the crowd (you assumed he was looking for Suri) then he looked back at you. “Sometimes it goes horribly wrong for a while before being incredibly right. Sometimes it takes a bit longer to get to where you want, but you’ll never get anywhere if you don’t start.”

“Did it go horribly with Suri?”

He nodded.

“Yeah, for a bit.”

“And now?”

“I’ve never been happier.”

You groaned. Much as you wanted them to be happy, that was not what you wanted to hear.

“It’s not really my place to get involved; I’m trying to not get involved... I didn’t say anything, ok? I haven’t said anything, but I’m just saying...”

He gestured to encourage you to complete his sentence. You didn’t want to.

“Please don’t tell Yoongi what I said,” you asked, pleading with your eyes, praying you could trust Namjoon.

“I’m not going to tell anyone anything,” he confirmed, “but I think you should tell him.”

You just shook your head. You were beginning to feel a little claustrophobic trapped in by him; you wanted some space, some air, a little time to clear your head, to maybe text Taehyung about what stupid thing you’d done now.

Suri saved you, popping up across the room and waving him over. He gave you a meaningful look and a pat on the shoulder as he stood to leave. As soon as he had gone, you stood, too, aiming for outside somewhere.

You headed immediately for the roof and stopped by the door, remembering that Namjoon had said this was probably where Yoongi was hiding. You had wanted air and five minutes’ peace, true, but five minutes with Yoongi would do better than that. You had you palm pressed against the door when an idea struck you. You fought your way back to the bar.

“What can I get you?” the bartender asked.

You wondered if this was the manager or if he was even working that night. You looked at him closely; he had a nice enough face. Yoongi could do worse.

“Can I have two of your most expensive drink, please?”

“Cocktail or mixed drink? Or most expensive spirit? Or...?”

“Uh, spirit?”

“Sure... Do you want to know what that is?”

You shrugged.

“Whatever is fine, as long as it’s the most expensive.”

“... Ok then.”

You took the glasses back to the roof. You pushed open the door with your back and let out a little whistle as the cold, wet fog settled on your shoulders. You wished you had thought to bring your coat.

It was a cute little rooftop. They had a pergola in one corner; you imagined it festooned with fairy lights and crowded with summer drinkers; in the barren winter, it seemed a little lonesome, bare and standing naked like a lost tree. The view, you knew, would have been spectacular if the night had been clear but you could still make out some of the brightest lights from the tallest buildings dimly through the gloam. The building next door and its upper floor intruded into the roof space and you wandered around it, coming upon Yoongi, sitting in a folding chair, as far from the rooftop door as he could get.

“Hello, birthday boy. Found you.”

The look of resignation on his face melted into a smile when he saw it was you.

“Want some company?” you asked.

“Yours? Sure.”

Then he pulled out another folding chair and set it next to him.

“Are you just magicking these out of thin air or something?”

He grinned.

“Nah, Doyoung left the store cupboard open for me.”

“The manager? Apparently he has a thing for you.”

You said it without really meaning to; it was out of your mouth before you could stop it. Yoongi looked surprised.

“Really?”

You tried to shrug casually.

“Well, that’s what I heard. Supposedly you got a great rate on the free bar.”

He laughed.

“Well that’s the first I’ve heard of it. I’ll have to let him know.”

“You’re going to need it,” you said, handing him a glass. “This is the most expensive drink they have.”

Yoongi looked at you, searching, making sure, then he took the glass and shook his head with a tut.

“Are you threatening me?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it; don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“And on my birthday and everything.”

You sat in the chair, clinked your glass against his and, against all your better judgement, took a sip of the drink. It burnt, much like the very first drink Yoongi had ever given you had burnt, and you gagged then shuddered. Yoongi interpreted this as a shiver (you were also cold) and was immediately shrugging his jacket off.

“Don’t do that!” you cried.

“You’re cold.”

“And so will you be if you take that off!”

“I’ve got more on than you; I’ll be fine.”

“No, I won’t have it.”

You allowed the alcohol to speak for you, tugging his jacket from his right arm, shuffling yourself in impossibly close to him and pulling the right half of his jacket around you. You were practically in his lap, but he was warm and he smelt like fresh powder and spice, and you had had exactly the right amount to drink to allow this but not so much that you couldn’t appreciate that it was happening. Yoongi was stiff beside you for a moment or two, but you felt him slowly relax, the tension leaving him as he settled in.

“Are you having fun at your party?” you asked, somewhat accusatory.

“I am now.”

“Yeah, didn’t really have you down as a big partier. You had me thinking I didn’t know you at all.”

Yoongi shook his head.

“I had my arm twisted.”

There was a Yoongi pause, as familiar to you now as your own rhythms of speech.

“When it came down to it,” he continued, “I knew that if I didn’t do something, they would take it upon themselves to do something and I knew I didn’t want to have to deal with whatever that would be. It was easier for me to do this in the end.”

“And are they all your friends? Because you know I’m a loser, right? I have literally two friends and there are like, two hundred people in there.”

He laughed again.

“No. Some of them are. A lot of them are people from work who overheard or got wind of the plans somehow; some of them are people I don’t even know—friends of friends or whatever. I don’t know.” He turned to you suddenly, concerned. “No one’s given you any kind of trouble, have they?”

“What? No, of course not!”

“Good. I might not be a coke-snorting meathead but... the same cannot be said for everyone I work with and, unfortunately, plenty of them have made it tonight.”

“Ah of course, your finance bros.”

“They are not my bros. I don’t have ‘bros’.”

“I’ll tell Jin and Yijeong you said that. They’ll be devastated.”

Yoongi groaned but he was grinning, too, rolling his eyes with great affection.

“Please tell me you haven’t been talking to them.”

“Why shouldn’t I? Worried they’ll give out your state secrets?”

“I think you’ve got all of my state secrets by now. They would just love every chance to embarrass me in front of you.”

“That makes me feel truly honoured. I would love for you to be embarrassed in front of me. God knows I embarrass myself enough.”

“No, you don’t,” he said, his voice gone soft. “You’re never embarrassing.”

“I love you for saying that, but I hate you for lying to me.”

“I’m in a pretty sticky situation then.”

There was a pause. You continued to sip at your horrible drink and Yoongi continued to enjoy his.

“How are your thirties treating you so far? Feel any different?”

He shrugged and it made his jacket fall off your shoulder. You put it back and held it tight, leaning into the heat of Yoongi’s body next to you even further. You put your head on his shoulder and he just barely grazed your leg with the tips of his fingers.

“Yeah, I do actually,” he answered eventually.

“Good or bad?”

“Good. I think my thirties are going to be good. Or I hope they will be. I think I’m going to try.”

You felt like more was coming, so you let the silence fall again, luxuriating in your proximity to him and letting the high ABV of your awful drink continue to knock off all your edges, make you smooth and round and pliable.

“I started therapy,” he said, so quietly you almost didn’t hear him. Almost.

“Oh my god!��

You reared back so you could hug him fully, enveloping him completely and not letting go until he was tapping out.

“Babe! I’m so fucking proud of you! That’s amazing!”

He nodded, shy now, and took a sip of his drink.

“That’s fucking huge, Yoongi. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were going to! I’m so excited! How is it?”

He nodded again.

“Good, I think?”

“Do you like your therapist?”

This answer came quickly.

“No,” he said with a chuckle. “They ask too many questions.”

You snorted.

“Yeah, they do that.”

“But I...”

He was hesitating, unsure, and you were emboldened with booze so you slipped your hand into his and gave it a squeeze. He looked at you, face falling open to you, eyes wide, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“I want to be happier,” he said and your heart could have burst.

You rested your head back on his shoulder.

“I’ll do my best.”

He squeezed your hand back.

“You can change therapists, by the way. If you really don’t like them. Or if something changes or you need something different. You can change. They don’t tell you that so I’m telling you. I’ve had like, five different ones at this point.”

“Do you like your current one?”

“Yeah.”

“She helps?”

“She really does.”

You felt him nod.

“Yeah, you said therapy helps and I thought maybe-… Maybe I can be helped.”

If you’d had even one more drink, you would probably have cried. Because you had been there. You knew how scary it was to take a step to help yourself—no matter how good you knew it would be, how healthy, how helpful, how grateful you would be for it in the future—and you knew that Yoongi needed it; there are some things only a stranger can help you see. It made you so happy to think of him, Bad Day Yoongi, stuck on the sofa Yoongi, tired, sad, Daegu Yoongi looking towards the future, a future he wanted to be around for. All of the worry you’d been carrying around for him, that you hadn’t been fully aware of until this moment, was dissipating, leaving you giddy and excited and a little drunker than you had been before.

You pulled back again and gave him another hug.

“I'm so fucking happy for you.”

“It’s hard.”

“Oh yeah, it’s fucking shit sometimes, but it’ll be worth it.”

You let him go and he tipped the last of his drink into his mouth—without grimacing, how? He leant over, readjusting his jacket on your shoulder and his face was so close to yours, you could smell the drink on his breath. Your eyes met and he didn’t move back and you didn’t want him to. You wanted him to close the gap, press forward just an inch or two and kiss you. You wondered what he would do if you kissed him. He wasn’t moving either. All he had to do was sit back, but he didn’t. Did he want it? Could you kiss him? Would h-

“Yoongi!”

You leapt apart as if electrified as Namjoon rounded the corner. He stopped when he saw you, mouth open, about to chastise Yoongi, no doubt, but no sound came out of him. You thought for a second that he would turn around and leave the two of you in peace.

No such luck.

“It’s cake time,” he said once his brain had caught up with his eyes. “Gotta come out of hiding.”

Yoongi looked at you. You looked at Yoongi. Then he looked at Namjoon.

“Alright, then,” he said with a sigh. “I’m coming.”

You all sang happy birthday and Yoongi blew out his candles and then was taken off somewhere by a group, led by Jin, crying something about ‘30 shots for 30 years’.

You also drank. Copiously. The adrenaline of almost kissing Yoongi and then not kissing Yoongi had made you shake and you needed something to take those edges off. You returned to the cloakroom for your phone, because you had to tell someone and you didn’t want it to be Namjoon. When you unlocked it, you had four missed calls from Teddy and a series of increasingly impatient texts.

[02:14] Teddy 🐻: bitch, I am coming to get you whether you’re ready or not. I'm fucking tired and I want to hear everything before I go to sleep

That was almost half an hour ago which meant he’d probably be showing up any minute now. You took your phone, and Yoongi’s presents (somewhat squished and not neatly wrapped), and went in search of him.

You had to fight your way through a ring of merry makers and peel Yoongi off the bar. You hoped he hadn’t really had 30 shots because you were pretty sure that could kill a man. You couldn’t quite tell if he was actually seeing you; he squinted and winked and blinked and looked even more ready for bed than you felt.

“Yoongi, I have to go!”

“Huh?”

“Teddy’s coming to pick me up. I’m leaving!”

“Oh no!”

He fell off his chair and was uprighted by a friend behind him.

“I’ll walk you out,” he mumbled, placing a tight grip on your arm as you staggered together towards the door.

“Happy birthday, baby,” you said, pulling him in for another hug.

You swayed and Yoongi’s weight was heavy on you and your stomach swooped (in a way that didn‘t not make you feel a little bit sick). You didn‘t want to let him go.

“I love you the most,” you said, as quietly as you could manage in the clamour of the bar.

He chuckled.

“I love you the most.”

The urge struck you, again, at that moment, to kiss him, just do it, get it over with, make something happen but as soon as it appeared, it was gone. You stepped back and remembered the present in your hands.

“Oh! Here.” You shoved it into his hands. “I got you something.”

“A present?”

“Yeah! A present.”

“I said to not to to get me something,” he mumbled, trying to stand still and trying to focus on the gift in front of him, trying not to spew when he flicked his gaze back to you.

“Did it anyway.” You shrugged. “Don’t open it here, though. When you get home.”

He saluted you and you snorted with laughter. Your phone was vibrating in your hand, no doubt a chivvying call from Taehyung, so you turned and walked to the door with a final wave.

“Wait!”

Yoongi stumbled closer to you.

“By the way,” he began and then he paused for so long, you weren’t sure he even remembered he had been speaking. “You are...” He was looking at you searchingly and you imagined it was the concentration it was taking to keep you in focus. “You’re the most beautiful person I've ever seen right now.”

A bubble rose to the surface of your heart and popped with a quiet ‘oh’. You had been hoping he would notice the dress. He liked the dress. That was good.

“Really?”

“You’re so-” he waved a hand and squinted into the air, looking for the right word. “Sexy... Yeah, sexy.”

He pointed at you and nodded once, firmly. You felt your whole body heat and a shy giggle trip off your lips. You wiggled your hips, sublimating your shyness and embarrassment with silliness. He wiggled back at you.

The door, which you had one hand on and were slightly leaning against, was pulled open and you fell with your full, drunken weight backwards on the person who’d opened it.

“Teddy!”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he said under his breath as he heaved you back to your feet. “Happy birthday,” he called to Yoongi as he dragged you, finally, through the door and out into the street. Yoongi waved.

“How fucking drunk are you? I thought Yoongi didn’t like parties; how are you this drunk?”

“We almost kissed!” you told him in a stage-whisper while he folded you into a taxi.

“Almost?”

“Yeah, only almost.”

“This is very disappointing.”

“I know.”

You yawned widely and threw your legs over his lap, cuddling into him.

“No sleeping, pretty girl. Not until we’re home.”

“Yeah, ok,” you replied, eyes already closed.

When you woke late the next morning, you had a selection of texts from Yoongi. The first was a photo of your presents.

You had intended to crochet him a mini-Cherry. You had done a little crochet when you were at university; a friend had taught you and you briefly caught the bug for it but that was years ago and you had had to go out and buy absolutely everything new and then waste hours of time watching youtube tutorials on how to do it.

They didn’t help and it hadn't gone well. To say the least. She was definitely a something, but a cat? You weren’t convinced. You had been so desperate in the end for something to present to him that you had asked your director, whom you knew was very crafty, to do one for you. Her version had been perfect.

You gave him both. You wanted him to have the ‘thought that counts’ one, the one you had put the effort into, but you also wanted him to have one that did not look like total shit.

In the photo, they lay side by side.

[05:07] Yoongi: Cherrrry?

[05:07] Yoongi: d you make then?

[05:08] Yoongi: this s my favutrite

It was a photo of your shit cat.

[05:09] Yoongi: I lvoe then

You had hoped that he would have opened them and laughed at your attempt, laughed but done it kindly, teasingly, with a fondness that made you heart glow. You had wanted him to open them in front of you so that he could have smiled at you and you could have kidded yourself that he understood all the things you were trying to tell him but couldn’t yet say. There was no way he could have, though, not in the state he had been in.

“Yeah,” Taehyung had said when you repeated this to him later. “Which is why, instead of giving him cryptic crocheted messages, you should actually just tell him.”

But you wouldn’t. You couldn’t. Not yet.

Taglist: @chimmisbae, @idkjustlovingbts @miriamxsworld, @quarter-life-crisis2, @tarahardcore, @simp47koreancrackheads , @xyahrinx , @olyd , @diorh0seokie , @thelilbutifulthings

Chapter Nine | Masterlist | Chapter Eleven

#yoongi x reader #bts x reader #yoongi fic #bts fic

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bronx-bomber87 · 4 months

Text

Merry Christmas Eve to all who celebrate it :) We’ve reached S5. Which is unreal. It shouldn’t be since I’ve been writing these for 7 plus months now and yet ha. I remember BUZZING for this ep. Then being in shock It actually happened. This entire season felt like a gift from the writers.

The long awaited reward for the slow burn. Although I enjoyed every moment of that slow burn. Was very happy to get to this place I will say. You thought Tim’s brain was broken last ep? It’s about to be obliterated haha Once again some long gifs I’ll make to get it all in. Might be the theme for this season LOL I fit everything in that I could this ep was wall to wall moments. Let’s get going.

5x01 Double Down

We start out on a glorious high. Lucy is dreaming about kissing Tim. Making out really. Not only that but she is grinning like crazy as she does. Sure she’s had dreams like this before about him. No doubt in my mind she’s had naughty dreams about this man. (and vice versa let’s be honest) But now she had something real to dream about. A tangible moment. Didn't take long for that to take root in her subconscious ha.

Also in this dream we get another lovely angle to that kiss. It's like we got two first kisses everyone. It's glorious. They sure started this season off with spoiling us right away. He looks like he’s about to eat her face in this dream version. This is why she’s smiling so much heh I love having both angles. Real and dream version.

I like how the dream version is little spicier. Like this is her dream version of that kiss. How he’s cupping her face in this one. She wanted him to devour her like that. She would’ve been happy to be his meal for the night. Also showing Lucy has it SOO bad for him. Forgetting she has a blah BF at the moment. Chris who? Unfortunately as it gets good a knock startles her awake.

It’s Tamara waking her up. Lucy is legit jarred from her dream. We watch her struggle to come back down to earth. Her messy hair and reaction are too funny. This one of my all time fav Tamara/Lucy moments. She has to give Lucy a hard time about the kiss. Wouldn’t be her if she didn’t. It’s too cute. Lucy goes into mom mode about school. Telling her about Rosalind’s trial shutting the city down. Her normal route will be closed.

Tamara mirroring her going into protective daughter mode. Asking her if she wants her to skip class? I love her always wanting to put Lucy first. She tells her no. She will be ok and no where near Rosalind anyways. She is bound to the station with Tim anyways. Waiting for their OP to jump off. Tamara asking if it’s for the UC thing from the other night? Lucy confirms this.

Tamara’s giving her crap about the kiss. Lucy being defensive saying didn’t mean anything. Oh yes nothing. You weren’t just dreaming about it or anything…Mmhm…Then she says her legendary line. ‘Make out. Stop crime. That totally tracks.' LOL I love her so much. Lucy tells her to go to school. Tamara replies in kind telling her to have fun at work. With her boss. Who she kissed…

We then switch to Tim talking to Angela about said kiss. Now let me say how giddy it makes me he came to Angela about it. Yes she’s his best friend but he didn’t used to be this open with her. She had to pull teeth in 2x11 even when he asked for her help. This is a far more open Tim Bradford than we’ve seen before. He starts this convo then goes into full denial. Babe, you started this and she has great Chenford radar. You weren’t going to fool her. Not in the slightest. I love how she doesn’t let up the entire convo. Smirking this entire time through out it as well.

Asking how much did they practice? LOL Tim telling her it was just a kiss. No big deal. Angela’s reply is epic. ‘Then why are we talking about it?’ Boom. Mic drop. She is iconic in this scene. Sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than anything else. Tim deflecting saying 'What if it wasn’t just a kiss for her?' Really asking 'Do you think she has feelings for me too?' Angela follows up asking if Lucy might have feelings for him? He looks so deflated when he says ‘No..’ Thinking no way Lucy could have feelings for him. Ugh break my heart Tim. When Angela gives me more logic it makes him said.

Telling him she probably saw the kiss as just as a weird work thing then. The defeated way he says ‘Right....’ Angela picks up on it immediately. Hence her next question to him. The way he says ‘No!' to her feelings question. He’s SO defensive. Not telling at all…Do you even believe yourself Timothy? His voice gets all high pitched. Just like Lucy does when she gets nervous about her feelings. He does his spiel about them both being in relationships. Being her boss. etc. Angela crushes it with some more solid logic. ‘All true. Not what I asked.’ God I love her. Also let’s note how deliciously tight Tim’s shirt is in this scene. Didn’t think I would let that slide by did you? Mmm.

We rejoin them in the interrogation room. Tim complaining how greasy his double is. How he hates it LOL Lucy comes in looking like a stunner. Notice Tim agreeing with Aaron’s assessment of how good she looks. She then mentions regretting the choice of thong idea LMAO I love her. Also you are going to be the death of him Lucy Chen haha What are you doing to this man? They received a call earlier and now waiting for a follow up to where to meet.

The phone goes off and Lucy gives the most ‘ in love’ look at him. She couldn’t adore that man standing in front of her more if she tried. Tim answers and Hajek tells them to meet his guys at an air strip. I love the silent communication between them. Always adore that about them. Lucy tries to get them more time saying they can’t just up and leave. How she looks requires lots of suitcases and precision.

Swing and miss sadly. Tells them to meet them there or end up in a coffin. Angela is scrambling because leaving the state is a whole other thing. Aaron saves them by letting them use his private jet for him and Angela to follow in. Lucy says they can follow the flight plan the pilot has to submit. Angela is relaxing a bit and decides to let them proceed. Aaron cracks me up asking about caviar selection such a goob. Says he'll just get an assortment. Ha I love him.

So begins them “pretending” to be a couple. When really it’s just them having no restrictions or boundaries on them. Getting to look, touch, flirt, and be free with one another. Under the guise of UC. It’s glorious really. I felt my brain stopped working multiple times in this episode the first time. Just like Tim. Lucy starts off STRONG explaining why they're late. Pulling Tim to her saying 'Their quickie wasn’t so quick.' Hot damn. (I can see this being a reason for them now a days too hehe)

They’re like magnets instantly drawn to each other. Gah I love it so much. I remember it being so hard to focus. Because they had their arms all wrapped around each other from the word go. The way they are all over each other in this hanger scene. It’s their normal banter but heightened. I’ll never be over her hand resting on his hip. His arms wrapped around her. The easy rhythm they quickly fall into. Almost like being a couple is the most natural thing in the world for them. I mean look at them. They are not struggling to sell this one bit.

The way they’re attached at the hip. Swaying together like they’re in their own world. Which what else is new with them? This is par for the course when they're together. They’re always in their own world when they banter. Only right now they’re allowed to touch and hold each other as much as they want to. And trust me they want to. It felt like I was dreaming as I watched this portion. Truly in a daze. I had to rewind and pay attention to the SL. More than once...

The smiles and the swaying gah they get me. They basically mirror the smiles and swaying from 5x12. Because they’re just as in love right now as they are 11 eps down the road. I love Lucy’s face when they get interrupted LOL It was the biggest scowl. Like excuse me you weren’t invited to this party.

I truly think they nailed this because it was their shot. They thought this was their only chance to be with each other without any restrictions. So they went for it as we can see. We all lapped it up like it was the last bit of water in the desert haha I’m giddy as he tells her to get on the damn plane. It's so cute. Lucy cannot keep her hands off him from the minute they start this. Tim is more than happy to oblige. Gah this is cloud 9 goodness.

The goodies continue on the plane as they head towards Vegas. I don’t know about you but first time I watched this portion I couldn’t focus. I was obsessed with her sitting on his lap basically. Leaning into him. Not only that but the start to Tim’s obsession we all love with her thighs. How he has his hand rests there naturally. Like his hand has found it's new home happily. Lastly their hands. I remember focusing so much on just their hands I missed dialogue. Had to rewind it to hear what was going on LOL

If you weren’t just as distracted by their hands and PDA you’re a lying liar who lies haha Or you don’t ship them. In that case why you reading this review right now? Ha I think they were both nervous about this being out of state. The hands weren’t necessary in the least. I think they were unconsciously grounding each other.

Finding comfort in each other’s touch. Also I think them being this way was incredibly natural for them. Just like everything else has been their entire relationship. Why the slow burn was so necessary. So when we got here it was basically a flawless crossover to this. Touching each other as much as possible and I love it.

Lucy cracks me up trying to get info on their job. Saying right now it's the world’s most boring bachelor party LOL Tim saying this is a job not a party. They finally tell them what their job is since they’re airborne. They ask them if they know who Roman Krupka is? They say nope. Apparently he imports Heroin to the Monarch cartel. Lucy mentions so the competition?

He continues on saying ‘Something like that.' That Roman is paranoid of computers. Doesn’t keep a written record anywhere. That the details of his operation exist in one place. One man called ‘The Brain .’ His name is Leonard Madris. Tim makes the comment isn’t is dangerous for one man to carry all that? They say yes and he’s usually kept under heavy guard. Never leaves the compound.

The reason they’re headed to Vegas is because of him. They’re received a solid tip he will be there this weekend. They find out their plan in this. They’re to take out the guards while he grabs Madris. Then they’re gonna torture the man for every detail. Then they’ll take over the business by doing so. Lucy is so cocky in her reply. I love it. Saying sounds like they should be getting paid more heh. Lyon tells them tough. So charming...

We rejoin them finding out Rosalind has escaped through Lyon. This is one of my fav moments of the episode. The way he immediately grabs her hand. Trying to ground her in this moment. Keeping her close to him so he can show her he’s there. Reassure her that she isn’t alone in hearing this. It’s just instinctual him doing this. Knowing this would be a massive trigger that would throw her off kilter. Trying to keep Lucy there with him. To stop her from losing focus and spiraling out.

Also the way Tim looks up at her. Checking in trying to get her to silently communicate with him. He needs to know she’s ok. Protective Tim is one of my favs. That immediate need to shield and protect her. Rosalind is a huge trauma trigger for her. He wants so badly to help her with this news. Look at how her hand is clutching his shoulder at first. He starts rubbing his thumb on her hand. Trying to get her to unclench. (Wasn't able to fit that one in but he does it.)

Tim being her calm in the raging storm she has going on right now. Her constant in this moment. Which is exactly what she needs. This man is so soft for her I’ll never be over it everyone. Tim isn’t able to get a read on her. She won’t look down at him. So he asks how long till they land? Lyon says 15 minutes. Tim tells them perfect. His cover being the mile high club. It’s his way of getting them a private moment. He needs to check in on her and he can’t do that with them around.

They head back and Lucy goes into full spiral mode. This is why he wanted to do this. She starts to be taken over by her fear and PTSD. Tim sees it taking over her. He tells her to stop in the softest way possible. Lucy takes a deep breath and little stomp but does. Telling her if she is not 100 percent in this it’s going to get her killed. Which ultimately will kill him in the process.

Lucy defends herself and says she’s got this. The news got to her at first but this is their one shot at Madris. That she is fine. I love him being protective and wanting to pull the plug just for her. The beautiful thing is he listens to her on this. Doesn’t bulldoze her and make a decision like he used to. He is trusting her in this moment. Letting her decide for herself ultimately. Which is such growth for him once again I can’t stand it.

He’s so ready to kill this OP if she’s not ok. I love that sfm. Letting her know that there is no shame if she does. He is there if she is ready to pull the ripcord. Tim is about to leave when she stops him. Tim looks so very confused once again. Lucy telling him it needs to look like they hooked up in here. Tim isn’t on the same page as her right now and it shows haha

Here comes that infamous airplane kiss. Has some similar aspects to their first kiss. Except way spicier this time around. Once again Lucy just pounces on Tim. He has to absorb the weight of her throwing her body at him. We watch him once again stumble into their kiss. Taken aback by her forcefulness. Her passion nearly knocking him off his feet. Tim isn't complaining once her lips collide with his though.

It doesn’t take long for him to adjust to it and go with this mini make out session of their's. He is adjusting much faster this time around. It’s all hands at first. His body absorbing the shock of her body slamming into his. Tim wrapping his arms around her anchoring her body to his. Lucy’s hands firmly planted on his face as she leads this kiss at first. Tim’s hands moving up her back fully enveloping her in his arms. Getting so very lost in her once again. Instantly melting into her.

I love how the kiss continues to get deeper. Sexier as well. Hot damn look at them above. Tim is the one chasing her lips as they continue this much spicier kiss. The way he’s leaning into her as they sway together. Two people in perfect tandem with each other. Not missing a beat. They were both so very thirsty in this moment. It’s all over this kiss. Tim running his hands up and down her back as he is savoring her. Lucy hands moving down his face not looking to part from him any time soon either. Tim isn't the only one getting easily lost in this.

Lucy’s hands sliding down his chest once again. This kiss getting deepened much faster this second time around. Their desire for one another is very evident. Tim can't keep his hands off her. Like I said for their kiss in 4x22. If they kept going his hands would end up on her face. He can’t keep them still and as she runs her hands down his chest. He pulls her closer to him not wanting to lose any contact with her. Eliminate any unnecessary space between them.

Her lips are quickly becoming a drug he is getting addicted to. He sure loves her upper lip. Captures it between his as he looks to further this impromptu kiss. *fans self* Look at him in that gif above. Wants her as close to him as possible. I just adore how softly he cups her face wanting to keep this kiss going. Totally forgetting about the mission and the men outside the door. All that matters right now is Lucy and her lips on his.

How Lucy has the self control to pull herself from him I don’t know. Gah it’s the grunt Tim does when she breaks off. *phew lord* That noise is doing things to me. Mmm. He was basically chasing her lips again when she broke off. Chasing that high of kissing her some more. He was very not ready for that to end. Also how glossy his lips look post kiss. She had her damn way with that man haha

He looks so dazed snd confused when she wipes his lips. Her hand shaking as she does this. I know we all joke about how “unnecessary” this kiss was. I think part of it was Lucy seeking comfort from Tim in this moment. The kiss quelling her Rosalind fueled anxiety. She needed to be connected with him for a moment before she could put it behind her or attempt to.

Tim was more than happy to oblige. Poor man has short circuited once again though. Eric once again the master of expressions comes through again. He doesn’t know how to restart. She’s like ok let’s do this and moves leaving Tim stand there in her wake. He is trying to figure out WTF just happened in the last 30 seconds.

We then get this pretty shot of them in the SUV. There is so much being said in the short time span of this shot too. We can see Lucy is still struggling with her PTSD. From the minute she heard the news Lucy has been scaling the walls emotionally. Almost like she’s back in that barrel. All her emotions threatening to drown her. Her lowering the window to get some air on her face. Cool her emotions down.

Looking at the bright lights trying to ground herself. To help her stay in character. Desperate not burn their UC covers. Tim looking over at her so much worry carried in eyes. She can feel his eyes on her and looks back at him. Their silent communication doing all the talking for them. She’s still in a panic but at least she has Tim with her. To keep her grounded and from spiraling out completely.

Tim giving the most space he’s given since this started. Not wanting to physically comfort her right now. Not because either of them want that space. It’s because he isn’t wanting to draw attention to her emotional distress. That would draw questions they can’t have right now. So they share a look and he doesn’t take his eyes off her. I love it so much.

Someone in the casino recognizes Jake. A girl. Which isn’t great. But does give us some protective Lucy which I always love. Finally getting to do that hair take down of her's. The one she threatened Stanton with back in 3x05. I love her taking charge of this moment. Getting this woman to back off. Don’t mess with Lucy Chen ya’ll lol They spot Angela and Aaron across the way after she lets this woman go. Figures this is the time to break off.

Lucy says she wants to gamble. See if they can get lucky three times in one day. Heh I love how he walks with her to them. Wish I could've fit the gif in. His hands on her shoulders from behind as they walk. Totally necessary to walk like this with her LOL I have a feeling this was possibly Eric being a goober steering her towards the table haha But either way I'm a happy girl with it. This was quite the married thing to do though regardless of why. I loved it. Also low key protecting her as they walk toward Angela and Aaron.

They update Angela on everything. Lucy’s first question is about Rosalind. Angela says she got a psycho lawyer to help break her out. We watch Lucy comprehend this. Saying 'Another Caleb....I knew it.' Then says Tamara needs protection. (No mention of Chris BTW) Her other fav human is with her. So no one else to protect from Rosalind. As they talk about this Lucy trying to keep her panic at bay but not doing the best job about it.

Angela picks up on it right away. Asking if Lucy is up for this? That she can pull out if she needs to. I adore Tim answering for her. Backing her and saying she’s solid. The look she gives Tim. My damn heart. He wasn’t gonna pull her till she told him to do so. Until then he supported and trusted her decision. The growth is astronomical in him. You see that written all over Lucy's face. It’s so damn good. You can tell she wanted to touch him as a thank you but stopped herself.

The minute they’re inside the room Lucy turns on the TV. Tim saves her from herself and turns it off. Saying they don’t know anything they don’t. Protective Tim is present through out this episode. Here for it. She is starting to spiral again and sits on the bed. She looks so tired and stressed out. Tim gives her a sweet compliment to cheer her up. He knows how down in the dumps she is about this. Wants to build her up in anyway he can. Saying how she's really good at UC. Just in awe of her once again.

The sweet smile he gives her when he says it too. Be more smitten Timothy I dare you. Lucy asks if he’s ok with her showering first? He says yeah. Then we see her break his brain once again. The door doesn’t close all the way and he gets a sneak peak of her naked back. He stumbles back to the bed trying not to look back at her. Replying 'Yeah... ok.. um fries.' LOL Lucy you have broken this man and I’m dying.

Eric once again crushes it with his facial expressions. Trying not to be turned on and needing a cold shower more than ever. What cracks me up is his sigh as he watches TV. Trying to drown out his dirty thoughts of her in the shower. She comes out saying the water pressure is epic. Wanting to steal the robes and asking if that's stealing? Tim says no it’ll just be charged to the room. She says ‘WE’ should take two then. There’s that married ‘We’ again.

You can tell Tim is antsy af to talk about their kisses. First off let me say how proud of I am of this man. This is the same man who couldn’t have a serious conversation with his current GF to save his life. He is the one to broach this topic with her. Once again making that first move. NEEDING to know if she’s feeling what he is very much feeling. Lucy is the one to bring this courage out in him. To want to talk about this.

He went far outside his comfort zone to get this convo started. Telling her it doesn’t feel like pretend to him. The look on his face as he says this. The hope in his eyes desperately trying to see if she is feeling their connection. Lucy panics and stutters in her reply. To me it’s not because she doesn’t feel the same. He has stunned her into silence. What she is worried about here is losing what they have.

To admit what’s going on between them means she now has something to risk. Something to lose if she does. Her person. The most important person in her life. Tim is far too important to her lose over them trying and possible failing. She is very aware it doesn’t feel like pretend. But isn’t willing to risk that. Ironically in a city like Vegas where one takes such risks. So she crushes Tim with her reply. Saying it’s an intimate act. It’s basic biology. You know a BS answer.

She is deflecting so she doesn’t have to risk losing him. Or confront this at all really. What she doesn’t know is the damage she just inflicted. Tim was already panicky from his convo with Angela about her not having feelings. He suddenly feels very alone in his desire for more. For feeling something. She’s basically rejected him in this moment. He is so sad with her reply.

He gives her one last chance with his ‘So you're saying it’s not a big deal? Doesn’t mean anything?’ She stumbles some more saying ‘Right?’ Wanting him to answer this question for her. She can’t possibly accept he wants her too. So she deflects once again. Tim put himself out there and she shut him down. Their convo is interrupted his cell phone. The looks she shoots his way break my heart. Knowing she’s hurt his feelings. When really she broke his heart a little.

It’s Angela with an update. He tells her he’s alone in the hotel with Lucy. Her ‘Uh oh’ always cracks me up. I love their friendship so very much. Her teasing is primo this season and it makes my heart happy. She is so shipping them and just wants her bestie to be happy. I love it. Telling him not to do anything she wouldn’t. He slams the phone shut and tosses it on bed. LOL

Lucy goes to dry her hair and there is a knock at the door. It’s the girl from earlier saying she knows he’s in there. Tim opens the door and gets hit in the face. They know he’s not Jake. Saying she told them he had a gut last time she saw him. That it was only 3 weeks ago. I mean that sucks for Sava. Means Jake was cheating on her long before 5x18.

He sends Wisco after Lucy and says he says not to kill her yet. Lucy is a BAMF and takes out most of the crew. This part is hilarious about her robe. I’m dying. 'Showed him the whole world just now.' Oh Lucy never change. Tim shakes his head so much I’m cackling. This is the woman you’ve chosen to love Timothy. So exasperated with he right now. I love how she stares down at him lovingly. But you know it’s just basic biology right Lucy?

I love love love him walking her up. That’s last bit of protectiveness being displayed. He doesn't want her to be alone. Tim saying he can’t wait to get out of these clothes. Lucy making a joke she isn’t going to miss that hairstyle. Then Tim is so cute and flirty says he kinda likes hers though. OMG he’s so damn cute. He is such a goner for her oh my word. Lucy’s smile not believing what she’s hearing. Gah this end portion was the death of me. Tim says I guess this is it as they approach her door. Saying they go back to being them tomorrow.

He almost seems sad about that fact. Lucy turning to him and sharing 'Right..everything that happened undercover they’ll leave behind'. No you won’t lol Then Tim does his dorky UC line and regrets it instantly. Scolds himself for that line. Basically saying why are you like this? LOL Cracks me up the way he shakes his head. Like why can't you be more smooth? Oh that's right because you're stupid in love with her and a nervous wreck about it. Funny pre-cursor to his 'Naked time.' line heh.

It’s then Lucy deciding to make a move here. All this talk about going back to being them stoking something inside her. Saying in a sense they’re still UC since they haven’t been debriefed. Tim not catching what she’s throwing down. Just replies 'I guess you’re right.' Lucy is eyeing him like she is ready to have him right then and there. Her ‘Mmhm.’. Trying to give him a hint as she flicks her eyes to the door. It’s then Tim starts to catch her drift. The look on his face when it hits him. Like he can't believe she feels the same way he does.

That there is something there. There is a whole lot of want and excitement in that man's eyes. Lucy has created a loophole of sorts. One where they’re still Jake and Sava. And what do Jake and Sava like to do? Have sex. Lots of hot sex. The amount of bedroom eyes Lucy is throwing at him is insane. The sultry inviting way she says ‘Do you want to come in?’ Tim falling back on his professional boundaries like he has for years. Tells her he shouldn’t…Not that he doesn’t want to. He SHOULDN’T. The song in this scene is solid too BTW. Whoever picks music for this show needs a raise.

Lucy nods and goes to open her front door. Tim looks longingly at her as she does. Lucy gives it one last go. Cranking it up on those sultry bedroom eyes of hers. Basically inviting Tim in to have his way with her. Gah Melissa killing it with the inviting stare. We watch Tim struggle outside her doorway. He has been fighting this instinct for YEARS. I’m sure whenever he had an impure thought he pushed it down. Shoved away any attraction to her. Pushed her away as well. Maintained the professional boundaries he set up years ago. (For the most part.)

Thing is he’s been slow receding those boundaries for years as well. Especially last season when that last bit of his wall collapsed. Slowly letting her into every aspect of his life. To the point that we are now here. Where Lucy is blatantly inviting him in for something very unprofessional. We see Tim have an internal battle with himself. Then basically says ‘F*ck it and comes in. His attraction and his draw to her winning out. He would be lying if he said he didn’t want this. Or hadn’t wanted it in the past before either.

Lucy asks him if he wants a drink? Can she make him one? Tim declining not wanting to waste any time in this precious loophole of theirs. Also didn’t need alcohol to have the courage to do this. He already pushed past that to even enter this apt. Not wanting to dull any senses or touch with alcohol. Wanting to be fully present with her. Lucy looks like was ready to jump his bones right then and there. The sexual tension is palpable. Their UST is off the charts with this entire scene but reaches critical levels once they’re inside.

Lucy understanding why he didn’t want that drink. Love her sweet but nervous smile as she goes to put her stuff down. It's then we see Chris there which ends up ruining everything LOL Just bleeding out on her couch. I love how Tim throws his head back when she see’s Chris is there. I’ll never forget that amount of hilarious memes Eric posted. People putting the funniest shit about him being there. I wish I could find them. They were SO funny. I’ll be honest as frustrated as I was in the moment I was glad they didn’t hook up. The UST was fantastic. Don’t get me wrong good god.

But it’s much better they got together the way they do this season. Way less mess and not worth the angst it would’ve caused for them to cheat on their SO’s. It’s the fact that they almost did that was so damn telling IMO. Phew well hot damn this was a beast to write. But I loved it. This premiere is fantastic from beginning to end. The amount of moments are unreal. Hell of a way to start out a season of non stop gifts. I haven’t watched S5 the number of times I’ve watched 1-4 so this will be fun. Excited to finish out this rewatch with you all as we count down to the S6 premiere. It’s 58 days btw...

~~~~

Side notes-Non Chenford

This isn’t something I enjoyed so much as it rubbed me the wrong way. Nolan getting a Golden Ticket. Lucy has accomplished more, done successful UC ops before and after she graduated FTO and is currently going on another UC but sure Nolan who was disgraced and held back gets one. Sure sure…it does for being Juarez in who I love so there is positives.

Tim telling Nolan he needs backup career when picking his assignment. LMFAO I LOVE THIS MAN.

Thank you thank you to this incredible fandom that has embraced these reviews. You all are amazing and I love every single like, comment and reblog I get. ❤️ shall see you all in 5x02 :)

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writeandsurvive · 9 months

Text

Caught in a Snow Storm ~ Alden Parker 1/2

Summary: After a work road trip, you and Alden have to stop at a hotel cause the roads are being closed and there’s only one room left.

Warnings: one bed, heater goes out, smut, age gap, smoking, handjob, oral (f receiving).

Words count: 5.2k

Author’s note: yes, despite being summer, I’m writing winter fics. I couldn’t shake this idea off my head so I finally wrote it down. Second part coming soon! Special mention to Supernatural in this work because 18 years later, I finally fell into the rabbit hole. I hope you’ll like it! ❤️

None of this was planned. Nothing happened the way it should have. The whole trip was a major waste of time, giving you zero info for your murder case and even less a lead. On top of that, a huge snow storm hit, blocking the roads and you had to stop at the first hotel you found. You usually love the snow, you find it beautiful when it’s all white outside. But this time, it was just the cherry on the cake. “Do you have everything you need for a sleepover?” You did this trip with your team leader, Alden Parker. You didn’t want to go in the first place.

The idea of being stuck in a car for almost three hours with your crush didn’t sound appealing. Not that you mind being with him, you actually love his company, love talking to him about all kinds of things, love his face when he smiles, or how his eyes are soft whenever he looks at you. You love how his mustache is dark while the rest of his beard - and hair - keeps getting whiter. But you still didn’t want to, because of what happened the week before.

Despite being cold outside, the sky was clear blue and the sun was out. You love this exact kind of weather, and ever since you found out about the roof, you enjoy going up for a break, taking some deep breaths, having a smoke and just appreciate the quiet. And that was exactly what you did. Smelling the nice scent coming from the bakery down the street, a cigarette in hand, you relaxed. You even took a couple of pictures of this nice view.

“You know,” you jumped for a second at the sound of his voice straddling you. He chuckled at your reaction. “Ever since I joined, I’ve been wondering where your secret smoking spot is.” He got closer to the ledge, taking in the view. You tried not to stare too much.

“Did you follow me here, Parker?” You puffed on your cigarette.

“Just a little at the time. Nice spot. But the cigarette—“

“I know, I don’t need the lecture. I’m not a heavy smoker, you know.” You stayed a few steps away from him, not wanting to overwhelm him with the bad smell of nicotine.

“Just when you’re overwhelmed or want to relax.”

You didn’t know what to think about the fact that he noticed all of this. And was intrigued enough that he found your secret spot. You felt all giddy, but buried it deep inside you.

“After sex, too.” As soon as it left your lips, you regretted it. Where was this coming from? Technically, it is true, you enjoy a smoke after sex, but it wasn’t something Alden Parker needed to know. You felt so horrified that you stopped looking at the man and just focused on the view and your cigarette that was coming to an end. You would probably need another one. “I shouldn’t have said that.” You managed to say.

“Yeah,” he agreed and you felt even worse. “Look, I’m not going to tell you how bad it is for you, cause I know how annoying that is—I’ve been there.” You looked at him, forgetting your embarrassment for a second. “Just that if and when you decide to try to stop, I’ll be happy to help.”

“H—how did you stop?”

“That’s actually one of the good things that came out of my marriage with Vivian. She really wanted me to stop, so we came to an agreement that everytime I needed to smoke, I’d reach out to her. I’d call if we weren’t together, or just tell her if we were, and she’d do her best to take my mind off it.”

“And it really worked?”

“After a while, yeah. It did. But also because I wanted to stop. If you don’t have that in the first place, no matter what you do, it won’t work.”

“I’ll— think about it. Thank you for offering your help.”

Your cigarette was long gone, and you put the bottom away in a little ashtray you hid.

“We’re a team.” He smiled at you. That damn smile that makes you want to reach for him and kiss him until you can’t breathe.

You went back to the bullpen together. “I do miss a good cigarette after sex though.” He just said before you left the roof.

Maybe you spent the entire week overthinking this. He obviously didn’t mind what you said, but you still felt horrified by it. Why would you say something like that to him? Clearly, he knew what that feeling was like, but it still wasn’t worth mentioning. He did agree when you said you shouldn’t have said it though. Did it make him uncomfortable? He probably doesn’t want to know anything about his coworkers sex life.

Not that you had any lately.

When you finally reached a hotel, you thought it would be it. You couldn’t wait to get into your room, lay down and relax. Probably go back down later to smoke. The ride itself wasn’t bad at all. Alden was his usual self, you two talked about many stuff in the car, some were work related and some weren’t. At some point, it felt like he was trying to know you better than he already did. After all, you’ve been working together for just a year, and it’s not like you two spend a lot of alone time together.

“I’m sorry we’re booked.” The receptionist started to say, and you sighed heavily. “Lots of people decided to stop when they announced the storm coming up. All we have left is a suite.” You and Alden looked at each other.

“It’s either that or the car.” He said.

“Fine. But accounting better not give us hell for that.”

“Is this a work trip?” The lady asked, surprising both of you.

“Yeah, why?” Alden asked.

“Because that suite—only has one bed.”

“Fuck me.” You muttered a bit too loud. But Alden agreed for the room.

“We’re adults.” He said in the elevator. “We’ll build a pillow wall if it makes you feel better.”

“Sure. Adults and pillow walls really fit together.” You rolled your eyes. Alden chuckled.

“Have you ever slept in the same bed as a friend or something?”

“Yeah, of course. But it’s different.”

The elevator’s doors opened and Alden walked out first. “If it really grosses you out to share a bed with me, I’ll sleep on the floor, Y/N.”

You usually love when he says your name, but not this time. You could tell by his tone that you upset him. Hurt him, maybe? But wasn’t it better that he thought something like that than know the truth? That you didn’t want to share a bed because you were scared of what it may do to you. You followed him into the suite. It was very beautiful, spacious, and kinda—romantic. Not helping.

“That’s not what I meant, Alden.” He put his backpack down.

“I saw a little store down the street, I’m gonna go buy a few things.” He walked past you to reach for the door again. “Do you need anything?” He still asked.

“A pack of cigarettes?” You heard his quiet growl.

“I was thinking more like some food? Hygiene products? PJs?”

“Do you really think they are selling PJs in that mini store?”

“I’m hoping. Sleeping on the floor is one thing, but sleeping on the floor in my suit? I’d rather not.”

“You’re not sleeping on the floor.” You told him.

“Are you?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah right.”

You knew he wanted to ask you why it was different with him. Why did you seem so repulsed by the idea of sharing a bed?

“I’ve got everything I need, thanks.”

Alden nodded and left.

This would be alright, yes? It was just one night. The bed was big enough for you two, you wouldn’t need a pillow wall. You just hoped his scent wouldn’t drive you crazy, that his body heat wouldn’t warm your insides.

While Alden was gone, you called McGee to give them updates - not that you had much - and listen to theirs. You exchanged a few theories about the case. And finally told him that you’ve found a hotel to spend the night. “Where’s Parker?”

“He needed a few things for a store downstairs. How are the roads in DC?”

“Not too bad yet, but we’re all heading back home before we have to sleep in the office.”

“Lucky you.”

“Be safe and stay warm.”

“Not too warm though.” You overheard Nick. The team knew about your crush on Alden. They all figured you out little by little.

“Tell him he’s a dead man.”

“She’s going to kill you.” Tim said to Nick, laughing.

“Love you too!” Nick shouted.

You were still working on your computer when Alden came back from his little trip. You immediately noticed the snow all over his dark coat, his hair was wet, and he looked absolutely frozen. “It’s getting bad.” You stood up to take a quick look through the window. Everything was covered in snow and the night was dropping. “The store owner told me that a neighborhood close by lost power. We may be next.”

“Wonderful.”

As Alden took his coat and jacket off, you went to grab a towel from the bathroom and offered it to him. “For your hair.”

“Thank you.” He dried off his hair, and sat on bed to take off his wet socks. He looked at you puzzled when you extended your hand.

“It’s just socks. They need to dry.”

You disappeared in the bathroom to put them on the tower heater, while it still worked. When you came back, Alden was sitting on the bed in his white undershirt, his belt was unbuckled. You forced yourself not to stare. “We can eat downstairs but I don’t feel like moving just yet. You can if you want to be alone.”

“Not hungry for now. You should take a shower while there’s still hot water, that’ll warm you up. I put a towel on the heater.”

You could feel his eyes on you even though you had your back turned to him. “Thank you.” And he was gone to the bathroom.

This was going to be alright.

You took a look in the bags he brought back. Was this considered sneaking? He didn’t say anything about it being private, and you could see a bag of chips on top anyways. And you found mostly snacks, a bag of your favorites. There was your favorite kind of tea, and some coffee powder. And obviously, a box of pastries. You smiled at that. If Alden doesn’t find his way to pastries, pastries will find their way to him.

Then you grabbed the hotel menu, looking at what could interest you. Unlike you told Alden, you were hungry, you just didn’t want to eat alone. And you wanted to make up to him for hurting his feelings earlier.

He came back from the bathroom, wearing some night shorts, his white t-shirt and a black zipper on top. His hair was still a little wet, and messy. You’ve never seen his beautiful hair like this and you loved it even more. Alden looked so casual, and cozy, you realized this was what it’d be like to date the man. This could be one of your daily views, if only— if only.

You were on the bed, scrolling on your phone, your legs under the blanket as it was getting a bit colder. “You should go too.” He told you, and you agreed. Walking past him as he smelled fresh from the shower turned your upside down. You hurried to the bathroom and locked up. A cold shower was more needed than a hot one. You almost gave up to your urges in the shower and touched yourself, but your embarrassment afterwards would be written all over your face, and Alden could read you very easily.

You needed to smoke.

“You were looking at the menu. Do you want to order something?”

“Do you?”

You definitely noticed how Alden looked at you from head to toes, even though there was nothing to see. You were wearing an oversized hoodie that you always have with you during winter, and your work pants. “I don’t have shorts like yours or anything similar.” You answered his silent question.

“Get under the blanket and take them off. I’m staying here for now anyway.”

You did as told, because you honestly wanted those pants off. Alden stayed seated at the little table. “So, food?”

“The grilled cheese sounds good.”

“Drink? I got you some tea for later, but you already saw that.”

It was the first time since you got the room that you and Alden actually looked at each other. You could tell he was teasing you for looking into the bags, so you smiled. “My favorite. Thank you by the way.”

You gave Alden your full order and he called the reception, who informed him about the heating system issue. The room temperature was clearly dropping. You pulled on your sleeves to cover your hands, and put the hood on. “We can get an extra blanket, or hang out around their chimney.”

“I’d rather stay here for now. And get your ass under the blanket too.”

“I’m good.”

“For the love of god, Alden! I’m not grossed out by the idea of sharing a bed with you! Or anything like that for that matter.”

“No, I know. I get it. I’m your team leader, I’m quite older than you. It’s not very comfortable, like sleeping with your weird uncle or something.”

You laughed, but Alden looked serious.

“You’re definitely not the weird uncle.”

“Yeah, tell that to my nieces and nephews.”

“I’d rather trust Eli.” You smiled and he returned it. You and the team learned about Alden’s godson only recently. You’ve met his former FBI partner, Jeremy, who talked about his son Eli, and how much he loved his godfather. You had no doubt believing that Alden was a loving godfather, who took his role very seriously. And you loved that about him. “Get under the blanket, Parker.” You said again, and this time he did. He stayed very much on his side though, a huge gap between your body and his. “Plug your phone before the power goes out.” He said, plugging his own.

As you left the bed to grab your phone charger - and computer - you forgot that you had no pants on. It didn’t even occur to you when you slightly bent over to get it from your bag. It was only when you walked back to the bed, and saw how red Alden’s cheeks were that you realized. You basically jumped under the blanket, mortified. “I’m sorry! I completely forgot—sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He cleared his throat. “No worries.”

“Let’s agree that if either of us does something that makes the other uncomfortable, we can just say it. Yeah?”

“Deal.”

How could you look him in the eyes now?

Both of you on your side of the bed, focusing on your phones, the room became totally quiet. You didn’t know what was more uncomfortable, the fact that you just saw your panties, and that you’re both so ill at ease, you can’t even talk, creating this awful atmosphere.

Finally, your order came in. You obviously decided to eat on the bed, the blanket covering you as much as possible. “I can put up something on my laptop if you want.” You offered.

“Yeah, why not.”

You gave him a few options as he settled the food.

“What’s Supernatural?”

“Seriously? Dean and Sam Winchester, chasing demons and all kinds of creatures?”

“That sounds—“

“Like what we’re watching. Sit.”

And you did just that. Eat dinner in bed, covered by a comfy blanket, watching the first episode of Supernatural… with your team leader. Your crush. The guy who’s much older than you.

You didn’t know who was the most surprised by how Alden got into it. He was asking you a bunch of questions, some that you couldn’t answer without spoiling. “Just because it’s not that bad, doesn’t mean I’ll binge the whole thing. Don’t care about the spoilers.”

“I do. So, if you want to know what killed the boys’ mom, just watch it.”

Alden was leaning against the headboard, an arm behind his head. He looked even more cozy than he did earlier. You could so easily lay down on his chest, and cuddle as you watch the show. “Maybe I should go down and get that extra blanket.” He said at the end of the episode.

“I will go. I’m gonna smoke.”

“I didn’t buy you a pack.”

“Always have a few with me. Do you think you can avoid freezing to death for ten minutes?”

“You’re the one going outside. Wouldn’t you prefer to stay warm here and talk to me?” He offered. How he managed to stop smoking. “We can watch another ep, if you want.”

“You’re hooked.” You grinned.

Alden turned on his side, leaning a little closer to you. “Well it’s always nice to know how to defend myself if I ever encounter a demon.”

“Or a vampire, or a werewolf, or a rougarou.”

“What the hell is a rougarou?” He laughed.

“Binge. The. Show.” At every word, you got closer to Alden. So close your forehead almost brushed his. A little more and you could’ve kissed the man. And it obviously took both of you by surprise.

“I’ll go get the blanket. Be back in a few.” He was gone before you could say anything.

By the time he came back, you had cleared the bed from the plates and food, made sure that there were no crumbs or anything in the sheets, put his water bottle on his nightstand, and waited. The extra blanket looked fluffy and pretty warm, and Alden couldn’t wait to get under. “It’s freezing in those damn hallways.”

You grabbed the blanket from his arms and set it just right on the bed. You took your computer, settling it between your hips and Alden’s, maybe it acted as a barrier. “You’re cold.” You could feel his coldness despite the gap.

“You think?” His vest was close up to the top, and he put his hood on just like you. Without thinking further, you reached out for one of his hands. It was frozen.

“Gimme the other one.” Puzzled, he gave you his hands. You put them in the big pocket of your sweater, and covered them with yours. His hands were much bigger than yours but you didn’t care. You moved your fingers on his skin, putting a bit of pressure to get the blood flooding properly.

“Do you have another pocket for my feet?” He asked as you felt his legs getting closer.

“I swear if you put your cold feet on my legs, I’ll scream.”

In the pocket where the four hands were, you didn’t know who was trying to warm who. They were mixed together, you could feel his fingers moving against your palm and wrist. Alden chuckled, his legs got even closer.

“Parker, I have a gun.”

“So do I. And I’m a better shooter.”

“We’re 1 to 1, so no, you are not.”

You and Alden went to the shooting range a couple of times. It started with a little teasing about your aim after a case, and it turned into a competition. Whoever wins the next round has to invite the other for dinner. His idea.

Did it mean something?

“When this case is over, we’re doing the last round. I can’t wait for my free dinner.”

“Be careful. I could take you to the worst and cheapest restaurant ever.”

“In that case—“

Before you knew it, Alden’s legs were intertwined with yours. His feet were pressed against your calves, and your body got much closer to his. You let out a small scream of surprise before trying to fight him off. But his hands had left your pocket to lock you down. To be honest, with your training, you could get out of his hold but he wanted to play, so you were going to indulge. He was holding you so tight that your hands were stuck in your pocket. You tried to sneak your way out, until you both heard a thump. “Was that my laptop?” You asked.

“Uh-huh.”

“If it’s broken, you’ll explain to accounting why I need a new one.” You lifted your head to look at him. “Shouldn’t be too hard for you.”

“Why’s that?”

“According to the rumors, you dated—“

“Come on. Don’t tell me you believe those rumors?”

“Well, they are around your age, some are single. And Kathy is very beautiful.”

You felt his hold loosen a little but honestly, you didn’t want him to let go of you. You wanted to stay there for as long as possible. He smelled so good, his body felt perfect against yours. Being this close to him felt—right.

“Mmm… that’s true, she is. Do you think I have a chance with her?”

You forced yourself to smile. “Of course you do. You’re clever, handsome, sweet, funny, passionate. And you have the best head of hair ever.”

He laughed at that. From where you were, you saw his throat bobbing. His Adam’s apple was so close, all you wanted was to kiss it. His laugh was the best sound you’ve heard, and it was even better when you were the reason he was laughing.

“I figured you loved my hair when a month after I joined the team, you accidentally touched it.”

“It was an accident, Alden! I was reaching for the file and your head was on the way!”

“Sure it was. I have such a big head.”

“Aldeeeen!” You whined and somehow your face buried itself in his neck. “I swear I didn’t—“

“I’m just teasing you.” He chuckled.

Realizing that you were basically cuddling the man, you were ready to move away and get some much needed distance. Especially that Alden’s released the last bit of pressure they had on you. But before you could move even just a little, his arms closed again. This time, he wasn’t locking you down. He was hugging you. Cuddling you.

“We should stay like this if we don’t want to freeze to death. Unless it makes you uncomfortable—“

“I’m good.” You immediately said. You didn’t want to move. Not now, not ever. “You’re lucky your feet are warm now.”

“Thanks to you.”

After a long moment and an internal debat, you moved your arms to hold him back. You felt his body relaxing entirely, and yours did the same. And you stayed like long enough that you both fell asleep.

Three hours later, you woke up. You and Alden were practically in the same position, except that he rolled a bit of his back, and one of his hands was dangerously close to your butt.

Your skin was damped. You were hot and sweating. Pulling the blankets just a little, you realized that the room wasn’t cold anymore. As slowly and quietly as possible, you moved out of Alden’s arms and left the bed. The heater was working very well, your hoodie wasn’t needed anymore so you got rid of it, as well as your socks. You were now in a tank top and panties, but couldn’t bring yourself to care. Especially not after what happened earlier.

You removed the extra blanket as gently as you could so Alden wouldn’t wake up. Then, you crawled back in bed, stared at his beautiful and peaceful face before slowly opening the zipper of his vest. You were halfway through it when his body moved and you felt his eyes on you. “The heating system got fixed. You should take it off.”

“You were doing a great job.” He sleepily said. You opened the vest entirely, and tried to remove it from one of his arms.

“A little help, Alden?”

Half asleep, he sat up and put his arms in the air like a toddler wanting to be undressed. You quietly laughed and undressed him, almost straddling his lap. It surprised you when he got rid of his t-shirt too before laying back down, taking you with him.

Alden was shirtless. You could feel him, you could touch his chest if you were bold enough. You wanted to turn on the lights and see his body, admire it, imprint in your brain forever. You were about to relax and just enjoy this moment, but it was when he let go of you and practically turned on the other side. “Oh” left your lips as it surprised you, confused you and kinda hurt you.

“Male body reaction.” You heard him say. “It’s better I stay on my side.”

It took you a couple of seconds to understand. “What if I don’t want you to stay on your side?” You whispered and moved closer. You didn’t know what had gotten into you at this moment. Maybe you were going to die of embarrassment, maybe you’d have to quit your job in the morning. Or maybe—

You were now spooning Alden. “Remember our agreement? If one of us does something that makes the other un—“

“Yeah.” He cut you off.

Slowly, you ran your hand from bare back to his chest. He started to breathe heavily. You loved the hair that was there. You touched his pecs, his tummy, making him growl, and reached the waistband of his shorts. You softly kissed his shoulder and Alden melted. His hand went up and down your forearm that was around him. “I need you to agree to this, Alden.” You whispered into his ear, “Don’t want to take advantage of sleepy you.” You planted a kiss under his ear.

“I’m very much awake, sweetheart.” His head leaned back into you. “You can do anything to me.”

When was the last time someone took care of this man?

Your hand finally got into his shorts. You had barely touched his length that he moaned. When your hand wrapped around his cock, you didn’t expect it to be this thick. You got even wetter than you already were. You collected his pre cum on the tip, and used it to start stroking. “Fuck!” He growled deeply. He completely leaned into you, his hand reaching for your hair, neck, face. He was needy and you loved it. You freed his cock from the shorts and stroked him slowly, putting just enough pressure. You kissed his cheek, nipped his ear. You were able to move your other arm under his head, which allowed him to touch his chest. Between the noises he was making, you could tell he wanted to talk, he wanted to say something but everything died on his tongue. “Kiss me.” Was all he could say as he turned his face and you did. All teeth and tongue, all needy and desperate. Alden was now on his back, his hips moving. You weren’t sure if you were giving him a handjob or if he was fucking your hand. That you cared.

“I’m gonna—“ he choked and growled.

You kissed his cheek and whispered to his ear again. “Cum for me, Alden. I’ve got you.” A few more sloppy strokes and he was coming all over his stomach, your name dying on his lips along curse words, his fist holding onto your hair for dear life - it stung a little but you loved it.

You watched him coming down from his high, playing with his hair. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he was catching his breath. The post orgasm bliss on his face. You kissed his cheek, “I’ll go get a towel.”

When you came back, Alden had turned the nightstand light on, and he looked absolutely perfect. Naked, satisfied, relaxed… the best version of Alden Parker you’ve ever seen until now.

He tried to reach for the towel but you slapped his hand away, and cleaned the sticky mess on his stomach. As soon as you were done, Alden grabbed you and pinned you on the bed, his body covering yours. “I think we can say that our platonic work relationship is ruined.” His eyes moved from your eyes to your lips.

“How terrible.” You grinned and he kissed you. You’ve been in control so far, but you knew at this moment that he was taking over.

“I’m not sure how I got you to be interested in me, but I’ll take it.” He lifted your tank top a little and went down to kiss your stomach.

“You’re the only one who didn’t know I’ve had a crush on you for months.” Your body shivered under his touch.

“I may have noticed a few things—“ he took your top off of you and admired your breasts before touching them, kissing them, playing with your nipples. “But it seemed impossible.” He kept touching your tits as he got back up to kiss you. You buried your hands in his hair, and wrapped your legs around his waist.

“Why? Because you’re older?”

“For starters.” He kissed you one more time before getting on his knees. He slowly took off your panties while staring deep in your eyes.

“I don’t give a fuck about your age.” He looked at your panties, smelled them before throwing them away. You practically moaned at his actions.

“You should, babydoll.”

He settled between your legs, kissed your inner thigh, bit a little, and gently touched your pussy, looking at it so hungrily.

“Well if you don’t fuck me properly, I just might.” You teased, trying not to lose your mind over having him down there.

“As much as I want to, I’m not going to fuck you tonight, unless you got a condom hidden in your bag.”

“For fuck sakes!” You shouted.

“Sorry, doll. But I’m going to make you cum.”

And he finally dived in. He inhaled your scent deeply, before putting his month where you needed him the most. Alden knew what to do, when to do it. He ate you like a starving man. Making you moan loudly. You felt his index finger penetrating you, and another finger as his month kept playing with your clit. It didn’t take long before that amazing and familiar feeling appeared. One of your hands was in his hair, while he was holding the other with his free hand. Your legs around his neck could’ve suffocated him but you didn’t care and neither did he.

“I want to taste all of you, doll. Cum with my mouth.” He encouraged you. “I’ve got you.” He repeated your words. And you didn’t need more.

After cleaning you with the towel, Alden held you as you were catching your breath. Kissing your hair, he gently stroked your back. You both enjoyed this moment, this position, this tenderness. You didn’t know what tomorrow would be like, or even what this all meant.

Neither of you dared to ask.

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