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#i’m secure enough in my gender and sexuality that i honestly don’t care who i’m fucking i’m just here to fuck

illegallymale · 6 months

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i was going through and blocking a bunch of transphobe accounts and some terf was like “straight men are making grindr accounts pretending to be gay to fuck poor vulnerable ftms” and there’s so much transphobia/bioessentialsm, homophobia, misogyny, etc there that we need to unpack at some point… but we can do that after i jerk off abt how hot that is

#also i feel like. they do not understand how casual sex works. lmao #like if a man wants to call himself straight and fuck me then that’s his business not mine lmfao #i’m secure enough in my gender and sexuality that i honestly don’t care who i’m fucking i’m just here to fuck #like also. we’re both consenting adults. why do you care.#transphobia ment

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yrbutchgf · 3 years

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hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it’s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

#asks #anonymous #butch/femme #butch tag #butch #femme #lesbiandaemon #sorry if you were looking for a more down-to-earth sort of list of tips but i have a lot of feelings about feelings LOL #also thank you again thren for letting me quote you! having a femme's perspective in there i think really enriches this and also you just.#put it so well ik i said this yesterday but it really was beautifully put

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waveypedia · 3 years

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The Real Deal

Ao3

Lena comes to the Nine-Tailed Diner just often enough for the waiters to know her face, but not often enough for them to know her name. She prefers it that way. The anonymity is comforting, but she knows in her gut it’s just an illusion when the waiters give her familiar smiles as she slides into her usual spot in the corner.

There was a time, before she met Webby, when Lena would scowl and duck her head away from the waiters’ friendly greetings. Where the mere notion of being noticed would make her gut churn and blood boil.

Not anymore.

Lena taps her carefully manicured nails against the smooth table as she waits, watching the cozily bustling diner. She’s not usually one for nail polish, but Dewey was just so excited when he saw the color that perfectly matched her magic, and despite her snarky exterior she couldn’t say no to Dewey’s infectious excitement when he bounced up to her with the bottles of nail polish. She smiles at the memory.

If Lena from a year and a half ago could see her now, she’d be unrecognizable. That’s not such a bad thing, Lena muses.

She pulls out her phone and quickly scrolls through social media, smiling when a picture of Webby pops up on her feed. Webby doesn’t post much, but when she does, just seeing her face never fails to make Lena smile.

The noise of the city and the harbor outside eventually fades into a calming white noise in the back of Lena’s mind. She’s used to the city. It was her home for fifteen years. But the sound of a particular car pulling up to the curb jerks Lena out of her thoughts, and she presses her face to the window, filled with an almost childlike glee.

A familiar car, light green and blocky and just as eccentric as its owner, putters at the curb. Lena can only see into the drivers’ side, but she snorts as she spots a familiar stupid-looking hat and chuckles to herself. Soon enough, a familiar face pops out from the other side of the car, looks to the corner window expectantly, and waves enthusiastically. Lena grins and waves back.

The bell on the diner door jingles, right on schedule, and Lena’s friend nearly sprints over to her booth.

“Hi, Lena!” Boyd chirps, and Lena grins.

“Hi,” she responds, significantly less energetic but with the same sentiment behind it.

Every month, Lena and Boyd meet at the Nine-Tailed Diner, just the two of them. It started one day when it was supposed to be all of the kids, but the McDuck kiddos were called away on an adventure, Violet had a school project, and Gosalyn was busy in St. Canard. It doesn’t take a genius to recognize how similar Lena and Boyd’s unique situations and backstories are.

Lena didn’t realize how lonely she was until she had someone who shared her experiences.

Boyd rubs at his elbow. It’s a nervous stim, and Lena’s attention is piqued. If Gyro said something insensitive to him again, well, he may be tall, but he’s a skinny twink, I can take him—

“Lena?”

Lena bites back a swell of nervousness and feigns casualness. “Hm?”

“How… do you feel about Webby?”

Lena blinks. “Well, I like her. You know that, dummy.”

“Yeah, but… how does that feel? You know… liking someone?” Boyd won’t meet her eyes.

Lena frowns. “What do you mean? Doesn’t everyone feel that way?”

Boyd stares at the table, lip trembling, and Lena ponders.

She doesn’t entirely know how to describe how she feels about Webby. Before Webby, it was just her and Aunt Magica. The two of us against the world, Lena always told herself, but it was always the world against Aunt Magica, with Lena sandwiched in the middle. And then she grew to hate Magica as well, like she always should have. For so long, Lena only knew hatred and apathy, whoever it may be directed to.

And then she met Webby.

And then she met Webby, and everything changed.

Webby was—is—a literal ray of sunshine. When Webby’s smiling face pops up in Lena’s view, when her bubbling laugh or high voice makes Lena’s heart sing. It’s stereotypical and cliché beyond belief, much to Lena’s chagrin, but that’s how she feels . If Huey offered her a thesaurus he must have stored in his Junior Woodchuck Guidebook somewhere (that thing has everything — it’s kind of ridiculous, honestly) she wouldn’t change it. There’s no other way to describe it.

“I… don’t know,” Lena hums. “Just… whenever I see her, I instantly feel better. It’s free serotonin, y’know?”

Boyd hums in acknowledgement, and after a moment of semi-awkward silence Lena continues.

She’s never been all that good about putting her feelings into words. She’s not particularly wordy like Huey, and she doesn’t have Violet’s extensive vocabulary (although she’s picked up quite a few words and phrases from the Sabrewing family). Not that she cares about it. It makes these kind of conversations difficult, though. But for Boyd, she will try.

“She was the first person to ever care about me,” Lena muses, fidgeting with the hem of her oversized sweater under the table. She’s had it forever. It feels like home, in the same way Webby does. “She has a special place in my heart. She was my first friend, but it’s different than my relationship with the boys, or Vi, or you.”

Boyd nods and avoids her gaze. He’s unhappy with that conclusion, although Lena can’t fathom why.

“So… by that logic,” Boyd begins, “I should be in love with Huey, right?”

Lena shrugs. It is true that Huey directly parallels Webby in their respective situations. “However you want to define it, dude.”

Boyd flexes his fingers. He’s still unhappy.

“Look, I’m not gonna judge you,” Lena says, snorting slightly and raising her hands placatingly in front of her. “I know homophobia is A Thing, but I literally just talked extensively about how I’m head over heels for another girl, so…”

“Homophobia is terrible,” Boyd responds finally. “I genuinely do not understand how people could think such a thing! How does one act so cruelly to another just because of something so trivial as sexual orientation?”

Lena presses her lips together. “Beats me, dude.”

After a moment, she adds, “So what’s your problem, then?”

Boyd’s head jerks up. “Huh?”

“You’re clearly disappointed about something ,” Lena says, gesturing with her arms and raising her eyebrows. “I know you well enough, ‘cause of these dumb meetings. I’m just gonna point out they were your idea.”

Boyd smirks, ever so slightly. “You love them, though.”

Lena looks away and crosses her arms pointedly, but allows the smallest of smiles to slip through her mask. Boyd cackles at that.

“But seriously. What’s botherin’ you?”

“By all accounts… I should feel that way about Huey. I don’t care about genders, and I feel differently about him than I feel about you and the other kids. But saying I love him, it just doesn’t feel right.” Boyd rubs at his arm.

“Hey, that’s fine!” Lena replies. “That’s kinda how I feel about labels, y’know? Webby likes ‘em, but I don’t.” She narrows her eyes and leans forward with her elbows on the table. “Is Huey pressuring you? ‘Cause if he is I’ll—”

“No! Nononono, Lena, it’s fine,” Boyd chuckles nervously, raising his hands placatingly in front of him. “If anything, I guess I’m pressuring myself. Logically, based on all accounts I have consulted, I should be in love. But…”

Lena gives an exaggeratedly frustrated sigh, making Boyd chuckle despite himself.

“Look, Pink tells me aaaaalll the time that my magic isn’t logical. Especially friendship magic. It follows its own rules, and it’s about looove and the power of friendship or whatever. So cheesy. But I guess your love might be the same thing.”

Lena takes a deep breath and leans back in the diner booth. “Stop pushing your feelings into dumb little boxes they don’t belong in. They won’t fit.”

Boyd smiles at her, small but not muted. “Thanks, Lena.”

Lena glances away, staring pointedly out the window. “Whatever. Don’t expect it to happen again.”

Boyd just giggles at that. His laughter is frustratingly infectious, and after a moment Lena finds herself chuckling alongside him.

The rest of the afternoon flits by, and for the life of her Lena cannot recall what they talked about. But their first topic of conversation, and Boyd’s worry, sits heavy on her mind for a while to come.

--

When Doctor (unofficially, shh, if the news got out that he had never finished his doctorate because of those ridiculous geese Gyro would be ruined ) Gyro Gearloose secured a job with McDuck Industries, he did not expect his precious lab would be run afoot by small children. Not even by Fenton, who acts more like a small child than some of these literal small children sometimes.

It’s almost closing time, but that has never mattered to McDuck Industries’ research branch. Even if Fenton and Manny go home eventually, Gyro has spent weeks on end in the lab. He will outlast them all.

Well, he used to. Before his team and his boss dragged him out to see the sunlight. And before Boyd.

For the record, Gyro did not forget about closing time. Not this time. He was working with that infernal little rodent, who, along with the blue nephew, had somehow wormed Mr. McDuck into allowing her to take some freelance work in the research department. Gyro’s department.

...He did have to admit that Gadget Hackwrench was frustratingly proficient at mechanics and machinery. Especially since she was so small. She was a great help to Gyro’s newest project, which required a lot of rough mechanical know-how.

Gadget, unlike the rest of them, was not incredibly self-sacrificial and actually liked clocking out when she was supposed to. She had to go home to her Rescue Avengers, or whatever they were called. Gyro couldn’t wrap his head around her way of thinking.

So they were tinkering away at the panel of the machine when Gadget glanced at the clock and reminded him of her obligations. She was packing up when Boyd came in.

“Dr. Gearloose!” Boyd, chipper as ever, entered the lab and bounced up to Gyro’s workstation. He was a bundle of energy, reminiscent of the blue and pink children. His hands darted around him like a hummingbird, never quite staying in one place long enough for Gyro’s tired brain to process. After a minute of unconsciously trying to watch and comprehend it, Gyro glanced away and rubbed at his forehead under his glasses while Boyd greeted Gadget with the same enthusiasm.

Wait. Was it really enthusiasm?

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Gyro watched carefully as Boyd flitted around Gadget, mentally comparing his movements and stims with what he knew of happy Boyd. And yes. It was off.

Gadget packed up, and Gyro slowly but carefully placed his wrench down and turned to face Boyd, leaning against his desk in a facade of casualness.

“So.”

“Can you fix me?”

Gyro pinches the bridge of his nose. “What did you do?”

Boyd clasps his hands nervously in front of him. “No. No. Nothing! I just… I know how I’m supposed to feel, but I don’t feel like that! So I must be broken!”

Gyro stares at Boyd like he’s grown a second head —- which, with Gyro’s robotics, is actually plausible. “Pft, you’re not broken. You think you could be broken?! I made you, kid. I fixed you up after Akita tampered with you. The great Gyro Gearloose does not make mistakes.”

Manny taps something unsupportive, and Fenton and Gadget both —- purposefully badly —- hide their laughter. Gyro screeches something incomprehensible at them. It doesn’t matter what he says; the point gets across.

Boyd is still staring up at Gyro, with that hero-worship puppy-dog look in his eyes that he wears so well, and he looks so scared that Gyro’s heart twists. His body sags, and he sighs and rolls his eyes and gestures for Boyd to follow. He perks up, and is immediately at Gyro’s heels with a characteristic grin, but his hands are trembling. Did he teach himself to do that?

Gyro kneels in front of Boyd, behind his desk, and stares into his eyes. Not in a symbolic way —- if he focuses just right, he can see the circuitry in his head.

Gyro purses his lips. “Everything looks fine. I told you I don’t make mistakes.”

“But—- But Lena’s in love with Webby and Dewey’s had three crushes in the past month and I don’t feel anything like that, ever! Lena says it’s fine but she’s had one girlfriend and that worked out for her perfectly and I’m happy for her and Webby, I really am, but I don’t know how to make it work for me and it must be some sort of error in the programming and I—-I just want to be a real boy!”

“Whoa, whoa!” Gyro shoves his hands in front of him reflexively. He pulls them back, out of Boyd’s face, when he processes and realizes how overwhelming that gesture could be. Boyd buries his face in his hands. “You are a real boy.”

Boyd gives him a tiny nod and doesn’t respond. Gyro’s throat feels tight and constricting, bile building up inside. He wants to say something and break the tension and silence, but he doesn’t know what or how.

“Love isn’t everything,” he says lamely after a minute. “I didn’t fall in love until Fenton, honestly. Not for real. Della said something about ‘demiromanticism,’ whatever the hell that is, and she says Mr. McDuck is the same way, but honestly I don’t really care. I don’t need to compartmentalize and hyper-analyze every aspect of myself that way. But if you want to, you could talk to her. Or the red nephew. He’d know.”

It’s weird, being this open and honest about his thoughts and feelings that aren’t inventions and blueprints. A part of Gyro is screaming at himself to close, shutter the windows and pull the walls back up and raise the prickly spikes to defend against anyone who dares get close. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t know why he’s doing this, really.

Strike that. He knows why. It’s Boyd . He’ll do anything to bring that kid’s sunny disposition back. And he knows why he’ll do that, too.

“Demiromanticism?” Boyd places a finger on his chin and tilts his head ever so carefully to the side, testing out the feel of the word. “What’s that?”

Gyro shrugs lazily. “I dunno. Some fancy way of saying I only want a relationship with people who get close to me. Which is a very exclusive circle.”

Boyd pauses. Blinks. Gyro can nearly see the wheels turning in his head. “If there’s a term for that, do you think… there’s a term for going all the way? A term for never wanting a relationship?”

Gyro raises his eyebrows. “Probably.” He reaches for his phone. Boyd could search for it in his internal search engine (proudly programmed by Gyro two months ago, since search engines didn’t exist twenty years ago, but for the record if he had thought of it Akita hadn’t had him on such a tight schedule he could have done it. For the record.)

“Aromanticism,” Gyro muses, reading out loud. “The lack of romantic attraction. Does that sound about right?”

“Hmm,” Boyd puts his finger to his chin again. “It fits! I like it!”

Gyro smiles, that soft and gentle smile reserved exclusively for Boyd (and Fenton, sometimes). “Perfect. Now get out of my lab. It’s past closing time.”

Boyd sticks out his tongue, playful. “Like you care. Don’t stay up too late!”

Gyro just smiles in response and resolves himself to not make any promises he won’t keep.

Boyd gives him a quick, tight hug goodbye. He always gives hugs, to say hello and goodbye and everything inbetween, and Gyro is never quite prepared for them, although he certainly doesn’t mind them. Gyro isn’t very comfortable with touch or affection in general when it doesn’t come from a select few people, but he never protests. Boyd is one of those “select few people”.

If today’s hug is a bit tighter and longer than usual (but still brief, since Boyd knows well how Gyro clams up with physical affection, even if it’s from him, and he respects that), neither Boyd nor Gyro say a word.

Boyd says his goodbyes to the rest of Team Science (Gadget is long gone by now) and skips out of the room. “I can’t wait to tell Huey about this! He probably knows all about aromanticism! It’s probably in his Junior Woodchuck Guidebook!”

Gyro leans against his desk, the cuffs of his shirt catching on the corners. “You do that, kid.”

“And Lena! She’ll be happy to know I figured it out, even if she won’t say so!” Boyd chirps. “Thanks, Dr. Gearloose!”

Gyro’s wry smile turns into something monumentally more sincere and real. “No problem, kid.”

The elevator dings and Boyd is gone. Gyro used to revel in the lab’s silence, but even with the background noise of Fenton, Manny, and Lil’ Bulb tinkering away at their respective projects (and decidedly not saying anything), it feels uncomfortably quiet without Boyd’s incessant chatter.

He hums softly to himself and picks up his phone to call Della before she hears about this from Huey and berates him for not telling her right away. He puts on a new pot of coffee for when he comes back, and lets Fenton know he’s going on his break.

“You know the workday technically ended half an hour ago, right? You don’t need me to clock you out,” Fenton replies, grinning. He can read Gyro like a book.

Gyro rolls his eyes and grumbles under his breath, but waves his former intern off.

As he walks out, he pictures Boyd. He would be sitting in the limo, brimming with excitement, tapping his fingers eagerly on his legs with barely contained enthusiasm. Launchpad picked him up for a sleepover at Mr. McDuck’s, so by this point he should be almost home. He’ll burst into the mansion and spill his discovery to Huey before he catches his breath, and he, Huey, Webby, and Violet will make a board and a list of thoughts and information on aromanticism while Dewey tries to catch popcorn in his mouth and Lena and Louie add snarky comments. They’ll all chime in with their own experiences and eat lots of sugary snacks until they eventually fall asleep in a pile of pillows and blankets and each other on the living room couch. Boyd will come into the lab on Monday and tell him all about it, and maybe Huey will as well.

Gyro smiles fondly to himself as he steps into the hallway outside of the lab and leans against the wall, pulling up Della’s contact on his phone. The tab on aromanticism is still open on his phone, and he scrolls through it idly, taking note of all the information and how it could relate to Boyd.

He’s not fit for this role in Boyd’s life. But he loves Boyd, so he’ll do his best. And Dr. Gyro Gearloose’s best is a feat they tell tales of.

Across town, in the mansion, sitting on her sleeping bag in her pajamas and sneaking handfuls of gummy bears behind Violet’s watchful eye, Lena shares a similar sentiment. Boyd explains what he’s learned, bursting with excited energy in the form of overenthusiastic gestures, and Lena wonders why this little, enthusiastic kid decided to choose her as a sister figure.

But she’s not complaining.

Lena sneaks another handful of gummies and wraps her arm around Webby, who makes a bright, contented sound and snuggles into her side. No, she’s definitely not complaining.

~

i wrote this almost a year ago actually, for the Because We're Family LGBTQuaranzine! (@ducktaleslgbtquaranzine) This is a nonprofit pay-what-you-want zine, with all of the money going to DirectRelief, a charity dedicated to Covid relief in countries that have been hit hard by it. I had a lot of fun working on this zine and this particular piece, and I worked with a lot of great people. The zine is chock-full of amazing pieces and really talented, skilled people, and all the proceeds go to a reputable cause. I cannot recommend it enough!

this piece is pretty close to my heart because it encompasses a lot of my favorite things - weblena, lena & boyd friendship (they have SO many parallels i think they would get along so well!), and gyro being a father to boyd! in all honesty, this was my very first zine and i was really nervous, but i had so much fun writing this and i'm grateful it was such a good experience!

a lot of boyd's confusion about aromanticism is taken straight from my self-realization process. that's some good ole projection, baybee! i didn't have anyone like huey, but it's certainly difficult to figure out what romantic love really is and how that affects you and your relationships. it's like a puzzle. it's not explicitly mentioned in the fic, but i'm autistic, and boyd is pretty heavily autistic-coded (and god i could go on for hours about that, and i have before, but i'll spare you all the tangent, although i'll happily talk about it if you want me to), which adds this whole other obstacle when figuring out aromanticism, because we struggle with social relationships and fitting them in boxes. sometimes labels feel really comforting and satisfactory, but sometimes it's a real puzzle to fit into these boxes that weren't always made for us. sometimes they fit, and sometimes they don't. it was pretty fun exploring that from a slightly different perspective, as well as putting some of my own thoughts and experiences into words.

if you ever wanna talk ducktales, writing, these amazing characters, or really anything hmu here or on my twitter! thank you for reading, and please leave a like/reblog/comment (i read tags) if you enjoyed it!

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kamuisthoughts · 3 years

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The Actual Rant:

I’m going to begin by saying that I think the ABO dynamic is interesting.

That being said I’ve noticed some recurring and very disturbing themes that are attached to this type of AU, regardless of what fandom you’re reading in. It makes sense to me that a universe where people have secondary genders and are more susceptible to animalistic instincts would have different types of societal issues. This being the disturbing themes I mentioned. The disregard of rape, the gender oppression, the objectification of certain genders, and various forms of dysphoria.

Obviously these themes are extremely dark and unsettling, but what’s worse is how the people that take it upon themselves to write about these things romanticize these horrific issues. Using them as a tool to build a parallel world that would cause the reader to think or reflect on our own society is one thing. That’s what I would like to read. But instead I come across these ABO AUs and find authors downplaying these abominable problems, making it seem as if it’s okay to have these sorts of things happening.

If you tell me beforehand what you intend to do okay, I can just avoid that.

But anyway there’s a difference between building a world with dark elements like these and presenting it as something that is truly disgraceful, but many people in the world do not care or fear fighting against it, and creating a world where it’s obvious that the writer is fetishizing these elements. You can completely change the tone of something depending on how issues are presented, how the characters react to their circumstances.

I hate to see rape happen in a story. I honestly feel it’s the most unforgivable, egregious thing you could do to a person beside murdering them. It’s a form of torture, and I honestly believe this, so it turns my stomach to see people writing stories where characters go through this awful thing, sometimes repeatedly and it’s not accurately addressed. There’s rarely lasting trauma if any. They just kind of take it, they don’t fight, they might even accept it just because the character doing it to them is objectively attractive and that is nauseating to me.

I also hate to see kidnappings and forced marriages in this type of AU, where the author tells you the main character is a “BAMF” or “Strong” individual but this is never actually displayed. Not mentally which I often respect to see in characters and not even hinted at physically either. They’ll maybe have a sassy mouth but still won’t really do anything when their abuser is hurting them. And this is usually moot since the main character oftentimes just simpers for their alpha abuser in the end. They’ll either be too scared to continue to mouth off or be too enamored by the alpha’s physical appearance and scent.

I also noticed Stockholm Syndrome is really common in these stories as well, (should the author actually deign to touch upon the immense trauma rape would cause a person), despite how rare this condition is in reality. This I find maddening. Now, I understand sometimes reality is so painful that someone needs to escape it through delusion so that they can function somewhat coherently. But the fact that there are so many stories where a character is kidnapped, ripped from their life, forced to mate with someone who doesn’t respect them as a fellow human being, raped, forcefully impregnated, and then somehow still falls in love with their abuser is utterly repulsive.

And the thing that really upsets me is the fact that I deliberately exclude tags in my search that denote rape/non-con, underaged, and major character death yet still I come across stories where these things are mentioned. Are happening. They’ll be in the story but not in a story’s tags and just glossed over. I’m not sure if this is deliberate or if some of the writers just don’t understand the magnitude of the themes they’re pushing but regardless I find this unacceptable.

If someone says no and you stick your penis inside of them anyway, that is rape. If you lull them into a false sense of security due to pheromones after they’ve said no and have sex with them, that is rape. If they give up fighting because they know it’s hopeless it’s still rape. I don’t care how physically desirable you are, or how good you smell, or if you feel it’s your “right” to take the other person because you managed to pin them down and you’re stronger. They said no, and even if they didn’t say “no” they didn't say yes .

If someone didn’t say they accepted your advances, that is not dubious consent. That. Is. Rape . And women can be rapists too. Let’s stop pretending that’s not a thing and that it’s not just as bad no matter what gender the attacker is. Can we not try to sugarcoat the horrible things people are writing about and call it “dubious” so people can feel better about romanticizing sexual abuse and getting off on it? Because even if you don’t call a spade a spade it’s still a damn spade.

Now let’s talk about fetishes. I hate when male characters are forcefully feminized when they don’t want to be. Like seriously, a male omega in this type of ABO story could literally say, “I’m a man, don’t call me a wife or a mother” and the other characters will just brush it off, they won’t even address it. They’ll continue to label him incorrectly, continue to treat him in ways that make him uncomfortable, and eventually he’ll just stop getting upset or annoyed and go along with it. This is NOT okay. This happens when a writer likes writing about feminine men.

There’s nothing wrong with a feminine man, that’s not what I’m saying. What’s wrong is when a man is overly sexualized because of his physical appearance and incorrectly labeled by others despite him stating what he identifies as. If you want to write about a gender fluid male omega, do that! Do not write about a male omega who identifies as male and call him a wife just because he can give birth. He is still a husband. He is a man and the other characters should be respecting that.

Then we have the fetishizing of birth or breeding in these AUs. This element of this AU has always been so creepy to me. (And I’m talking about FORCED breeding. Edit added because I didn’t specify this at first).

Omegas in these AUs are seen as the lowest of the low because they have heats, are softhearted, physically weaker, and motherly. Yet despite being chained to the bottom of the societal hierarchy they are objectified by other secondary genders. They are desired just enough for alphas and betas to want to breed with but they aren’t worth equal rights such as choosing their own “mate”, their job, or even walking down the street without fear of being forcefully mounted.

Seldom do I see this issue actually portrayed as an issue. The omegas in the story bat their eyelashes at alphas, and even manipulate them because they know that they are objectified. They aim to get claimed by “strong” and “virile” alphas and to have “beautiful pups”. Like, what?

But okay, I can see that.

You live a certain way you can get used to almost anything, but the fact that it’s rarely more than the main character who wants for more is astounding to me. I guess this is a writer’s way of hammering home how different and “before their time” they want their main character to be but it just comes off as forced, and the main character becomes a novelty. Alphas just want the main even more because they want to break them so they can force them into the role of a “good little omega”.

It angers me to see this type of world building with no consequences. There’s no simmering rage at the lack of justice and equality, there’s no conflict. It’s just, “omegas are cute and sexy and they smell nice”. This just makes all of the characters seem like morally bankrupt sex addicts who’re all some form of insane and I can’t stand it. But I’ll digress.

The true reason I decided to write this rant?

A story.

Yes, I came across a story and for some reason despite the harmless looking tags and my knowledge of how misleading this AU can be I clicked on it. I just wanted to see if I was being too harsh on the ABO AU, if someone could write a story in this type of universe that I could actually bear to read that wasn’t extremely hard to find. (Most of the fics in this AU I come across are the really dark ones).

So, I tried to read an ABO AU for MHA, and I'll tell you now I couldn’t even get beyond the fourth chapter. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Izuku was of course a rare male omega, born in a fantasy world where All Might bestowed upon him the powerful magic of One For All and then dipped. Of course despite having this power Izuku was still a weakling, even though the author tried to say he was strong willed and “unlike most omegas”.

Izuku had to hide his secondary gender. He lived as a quirkless beta with his mother. One day he stumbled across Katsuki, who declared Izuku his “true mate”. Despite Izuku saying he didn’t want to mate with him, Izuku was abducted and forced to be with him simply because it was what Katsuki wanted.

Izuku repeatedly said he didn’t want to be there, that he didn't want to be with this literal stranger, and that he didn’t have any desire to be a baby factory for him but was of course ignored. Long story short Katsuki got his way and Izuku eventually was down with it. Because Katsuki was handsome, well built, and smelled nice Izuku didn’t even bother to stay angry at the injustice of his own situation.

This is one of the many stories in this type of AU I personally find problematic. I don’t care if people write these fics, I just wish they were more responsible about it.

I’ve seen stories where alphas threaten to kill an omega’s family or the omega themselves to force them to mate with them, and are forced to comply. Instead of acknowledging how horrible this is the other characters just sort of treat it like the omega is misbehaving and that they’re cute for being “annoyed”. Like, what? Literally what the fuck. And this is sometimes never brought up again.

Alphas could burn down a whole village, slaughter everyone and take the omegas as sex slaves and still in certain stories this could be romanticized. I can’t get with that. Especially not when the victims aren’t even upset for more than a few days. What the heck!? That was your family!

But what really makes me uncomfortable? When an author makes sure the reader is aware of the fact that an abuser is extremely physically attractive so that people will be less inclined to be disgusted by their atrocious behavior and mentality.

I get it.

Sometimes the inevitable fall is due to true mates and all that. But at the same time, that is absolute bullshit. I wouldn’t give a damn if you were Jesus Christ himself, if you threaten to kill my family, or me, DO these things, disregard my feelings because of what you want and what you have to gain I am not giving you the time of day. Or at the very least if I have no choice I’m gonna utterly despise the person harming me. Come on!

True mates/Soulmates could be so freaking cute. It HAS been. I’ve seen it. There’s good fics out there, I just wish there was more of a selection where certain tropes are implemented in a way that isn’t toxic.

I don’t care how objectively attractive someone appears. I don’t care what “fate” says or what “instincts” denote. What reason do some of these characters have to love their abusers? Let alone be attracted to them? Especially if they never get a heartfelt apology and the alpha doesn’t bother to change significantly to be a tolerable human being. But okay, ABO instincts. Lack of control. I know, okay? But come on, can we switch it up a bit?

Out of morbid curiosity, sometimes when I come across stories I just can’t read because the Non-con is there but it’s not portrayed as traumatic and the author doesn’t even TELL you it’s in there... out of some masochistic need to punish myself I scroll down to read some of the comments and no one, I mean no one addresses how skewed and warped the themes in these stories are. The readers eat it up. And it’s honestly sickening.

But you know what? That’s kind of a lie. Some people do complain but they’re usually just straight up hateful flames and I don’t support those. I wish people could be more constructive when commenting on people’s work.

But anyway, since it was the MHA ABO AU fic that set me off I’ll just continue to use Izuku and Katsuki as examples for my griping. With Izuku as the omega and Katsuki as the alpha.

Many fanfic writers set up their worlds as a means to impregnate Izuku. That’s what I believe. Not ALL fanfic writers that write about this AU do this. SOME of them do! And I’m not saying this is always problematic, but it is when they put certain elements together because they want to write about BakuDeku in a sexual form and don’t bother to note how dark the story elements they’re implementing actually are.

I’m not sure if this is because some of them don’t understand how serious and damaging these things are and can be (rape/sexual coercion/forced pregnancy) or if they just don’t care and find them cute and sexy.

Either way, the things some authors have alpha Katsuki pulling on Izuku are wrong and downright perverted.

Now, I’m not opposed to smut. Sometimes I read stories with smut, that doesn’t bother me. Sex is a natural thing and people do it to show how much they like someone, or even just because it feels good. Whatever, that’s fine. But putting two characters together and saying “this is how it is because fate and forget gradually becoming attracted because I want that sexual tension now!” is something I find greatly unsettling.

If I could see this idea displayed differently maybe I could be equally disturbed, but could grow to accept Izuku and Katsuki (or whoever are the focus of the story) as a pair. Why? Because if the things the alpha is doing are horrible they should be acknowledged as horrible.

A lot of stories could be more interesting to me if the author wrote the things I mentioned above as they actually are, despicable. Instead things a lot of the times are sugar coated, treated as a joke, or downright wrongfully sexualized. Sometimes all three at once! A lot of these fics could have been something I could stomach if treated soundly. Say, Katsuki for example decided Izuku belonged to him and he forcefully mated with him, not allowing Izuku to be with anyone else without serious backlash. If he began to realize that his outlook on life was entitled and morally bankrupt I could totally get with that!

The author in this fake scenario could take the steps to better Katsuki as a person. Izuku of course should rightfully hate this man but could grudgingly begin to see and acknowledge Katsuki trying to change for the better. Then when Izuku manages to let go of his anger for his own sake, (not Katsuki’s) I could probably accept him beginning to notice Katsuki romantically. NOT sexually.

Now if Izuku just has to notice Katsuki’s physical body from the beginning and finds him irresistible because you know, ABO AU instincts and all that jazz—but hated this about himself, the juxtaposition of physical desire but mental and emotional disdain could be fascinating, engaging. It would make Izuku seem more like a person in these stories and less like the idea of a mentally strong omega. (Again, not saying all ABO fics lack good storytelling or compelling characters or any of that).

I could accept this eventual forgiveness and romance scenario because it could be amazing storytelling wise. Allowing the reader to experience a range of emotions due to world building, characterization, character growth, and plot line.

But anyway, I’m not trying to bash the specific story I used as an example above. I realize a lot of people love it and a lot of my language was crude and even rude but I just felt the need to express exactly what I was feeling, and above is what I felt. (I had to cut some things because it was way too obvious which fanfiction set me off and that’s not what I wanted. Didn’t want to throw shade, just wanted to prove a point).

If people want to read those types of stories that’s fine, at least they’re not going out into the world and doing what they’re reading about. Or at least I hope that’s the case.

But anyway, if people are going to read these types of things I think the reality of the content should be aptly acknowledged. No rose colored glasses, because that just makes it so wrong. And no, I’m not talking about being partial to any kind of kinks. I’m talking about a type of ABO fic that is problematic for me. I wrote a whole damn rant, if you can’t glean what I’m saying here I freaking give up.

But more presently, I guess it really comes down to what you prefer. Other people like things that come off as more sensual and carefree.

Personally I make it a point not to read those types of fanfictions because it’s just not my preference. I prefer to read things with dark world building with what I perceive as realistic consequences and real justice. Or maybe just downright cold blooded revenge sometimes. That’s nice too. Everyone is different, and I think I’ve just become frustrated because I’m not finding many stories like that in this AU.

That being said I’ve decided to write a story that I could read. A few, actually. You know what they say, “if you don’t do it, nobody else will”.

#ranting #I’m butthurt #read the whole thing #Kamui’s ABO Rant #my hero academia fanfiction #Problematic Portrayals of Trauma Complaint

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scripttorture · 3 years

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Not sure if this would really be relevant, but you're the best resource I can think of for prison systems. In a secluded supermax prison with all male staff & all male prisoners, they suddenly get a single (like 19 or 20 y/o) female prisoner who "can't go anywhere else & needs to be kept heavily restrained." What's the warden's best option for making sure she's safe & treated with respect for the first few days/weeks till they can get female guards? Modern setting, mostly American style prison.

I feel like I know enough about this to be helpful but I’ve never claimed to be an expert on prisons and I think you should try to double check what I say. Partly because I think that the ‘best option’ in a case like this would be heavily biased by opinion and what you consider the best outcome to be. I don’t want you to mistake my opinion for fact or discount the idea that you might think differently presented with the same evidence.

I also think this is the kind of case where there’s a big difference between what should happen and what would likely happen.

It’s also worth stating at the outset that, in my opinion, the American prison system is set up in a way which inherently makes abuse more likely. And that makes a difference. When the system itself is already set up in a way which makes torture more likely the efforts of individuals within those systems are… less likely to be effective.

We’re talking about a system where solitary confinement is the first rather then the last resort. Use of solitary confinement over the safe period (1 week) is routine, with prisoners in maximum security facilities often being kept in isolation for months or years.

Which causes mental health problems to a disabling degree and drastically increases the chances of suicide or self mutilation.

Rape is still common and while it’s often discussed in terms of attacks by fellow prisoners, a lot of attacks are by guards. Especially when you’re talking about women prisoners and juvenile prisoners. Incidentally it was only in 2012 that the US started recommending against cross-gender searches of women prisoners.

And a lot of guards in American women’s prisons are men. I found figures of 40% based on data from 2007 and up to 70% for federal facilities from 2011. Both of these were cited figures from books I don’t have full access to. I can’t confidently say how accurate these figures are or how the authors came by them. I can confidently say that there are male guards in female prisons and that this has been linked to abuse (based on the testimony of rape survivors in American prisons).

While we’re on the subject the kind of restraint use I think you’re referring to is torture. You can find descriptions of its use in Chinese prisons over here.

Essentially humans are not designed to withstand long periods with little to no movement, or holding the same position for a long time. It is unhealthy. It causes a significant amount of damage to the body. Sometimes it’s lethal.

Now if you didn’t know this that is OK.

I’m here because I know a lot of this kind of information isn’t common knowledge and that it’s hard to find. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing something, we all learn sometime.

We’ll circle back to restraint tortures and alternatives in a moment. For now let’s focus on prisons

I think that the most likely thing to happen in an American prison is that this character would be thrown in solitary confinement and kept there.

You can read about how harmful that would be here.

I also think that it’s unlikely an American prison, having decided to house a woman in a male prison, would hire female guards specifically to accommodate one prisoner. And I think a woman in this environment would be especially vulnerable to physical and sexual abuse.

You can read about that here.

There’s an in-depth Reuters investigation on the deaths of women in American jails that you can find here. It contains a graphic description of a dead baby, born in a jail, as well as descriptions of systemic racism towards black women and abuse of the mentally ill. (Seriously if you’re a black woman and pregnant or a mother of a young child don’t read it.)

If you want to write a female character being put into an institution designed for men in America… that’s what it looks like. Higher rates of preventable deaths.

Here’s the thing though: You do not have to make the situations in your story as bad as they are in real life.

There is nothing wrong with deciding that the characters in your fiction get treated with more care and respect then is the norm in real life. It might not be realistic but we are writing fiction.

And there is a difference between a story which is unrealistic in favour of the torturer and one which is unrealistic in favour of the victim.

Having said that: If you want to create a fictional, less abusive prison system for this story it will not look anything like an American prison.

I have… some rather complicated feelings about the idea of setting the story in America and then presenting the prison system as better then it is. Remember that I am a pacifist and I was raised in Saudi Arabia. I say this because I feel as though the abuses in the American prison system are whitewashed in the media America exports.

If I was writing a story set in Saudi which involved imagining a better, less abusive prison system I’d feel confident my readers would know this didn’t reflect the reality. I feel like they would understand without being told that I was trying to imagine a better version of my home rather then trying to accurately show the prisons there.

I do not think that would be the case if you did the same thing in an American setting.

I’ve talked enough about the negatives. Let’s move on to how we can make this idea work.

The way I see it the big choice here is whether you want to keep the setting and the abusive use of restraints or whether you want the character to be safe and treated with respect while incarcerated.

If you’re picturing the character being held in a way that renders her more or less completely immobile (like a restraint chair or a bed) then there’s a pretty decent chance she’d die within the first couple of weeks regardless of any other abuse. There’s a reason restraints aren’t commonly used in hospitals and mental health facilities any more: they increase the chances of sudden death. Even in young healthy people.

There’s a case you can read about here that’s a decent example. Young, 27 year old man, partially restrained for ten days after a mental health episode. Dead from a heart attack in ten days.

Obviously not everyone who is completely restrained for weeks dies of a heart attack. But bed sores exist. So do bladder infections caused by catheters and muscle wastage and a host of other ailments that are cured by simply letting someone move around.

Honestly combined with solitary and the high chance of sexual abuse I think that full body restraint is probably throwing too many tortures into the story. Because all of these individually are complex issues and the harm each of them does is routinely downplayed. Handling all of them in the same narrative would be really tough and the restraints are the easiest one to get rid of.

If you’re picturing something more like the restraint torture (constantly wearing hand and leg cuffs) described in the Chinese case I linked to above, survival is a lot more likely. That’s to do with the degree of movement victims are capable of.

A person who is immobile with their muscles under strain is in a stress position. The death rates for those rise sharply after 48 hours. A person who is immobile when their muscles aren’t under strain (eg restrained to a bed with six point restraints) is not in a stress position. But they’re at greater risk of a heart attack or stroke and after weeks they’ll start to develop bed sores (assuming they’re not lying in a pool of their own waste.)

A person who’s restrained in a way that lets them walk, but slowly, lets them stand, but not straight, is experiencing a restraint torture. They probably won’t get kidney failure (the cause of death in stress positions) and they’re less likely to get a heart attack or a stroke.

There are still serious health effects. Muscle wastage and weakness afterwards is very common. Survivors of this particular torture tend to report chronic pain and joint problems. I’m not entirely sure what causes this but since it’s very consistent I’d guess it’s a physical effect of long term restraint use.

Survivors also tend to report some mobility problems afterwards. There’s a loss of fine motor control and often some difficulty performing day to day tasks that require raising and lowering the arms. Like putting on a jacket unaided or hanging washing on a line or taking things down from a cupboard above the head. This could be due to nerve damage, damage to muscles or ligaments at the joints or both.

These sorts of restraints don’t leave victims in a stress position; which is why they can survive for months or more rarely years while restrained (stress positions are only consistently survivable up to 48 hours.) But nonetheless they do leave victims in a constant state of pain. The restraints dig in. The position and inability to straighten is painful, especially for the joints. A lot of victims report being unable to sleep because of the restraints.

And sleep deprivation causes it’s own problems which you can read about here.

I might be on the wrong track here but generally no one has to be restrained. So the inclusion of that in the ask made me think this story might have elements of fantasy, sci fi or super hero genres: a character with a special ability that can only be used under certain circumstances.

I had a problem with something like that in one of my stories recently. The character in question can manipulate how people think and feel using her voice. And I racked my brains trying to think of a way the police in the story could keep her imprisoned once they caught her. I looked up all sorts of sedatives, thought about solitary and all kinds of over the top abusive stuff that fiction teaches us is a go-to practical solution.

I didn’t want to use them. I didn’t want her to be tortured.

And then it hit me: her guards could just wear noise cancelling headphones.

Sometimes the answer really is that simple.

Think about this character’s power set, if that’s part of the problem here. Really consider what she can do and how she does it. Have you got an underlying chemical process going on? If it’s magic what’s the cause and effect for it? What are her limits? What is her range?

Use that to think about when the power breaks down and why. And if you’re writing fanfiction based on a canon with poorly defined magical abilities…. Make something up to define how she does what she does.

Focus and concentration is a commonly used way of doing this. I saw a brilliant program a while back where the main character actually had no idea how his powers worked and was as surprised and elated as everyone else when they did. I try to come up with strict, simple definitions of a character’s powers/abilities. Then I work to try and find inventive ways of applying that. Find a method that works for you and don’t be afraid to try a few different approaches.

Unless you’ve written yourself into a corner, chances are this character (like mine) doesn’t need to be restrained or isolated.

And if you have written yourself into a corner, you can write yourself out of it again. Either with the choices you make now or by going back and editing what you already have.

On a similar note if you want this character to be in a better, less abusive system does she have to be in a male prison and does she really, absolutely have to be in America?

Because if you want the lowest possible rates of violence and abuse today that means the Scandinavian prison system. You can find out more about it here and here for Norway.

You can read more about global prison systems here.

The gist of it is that there are huge systematic differences. Prison guards in Norway are trained for 2-3 years on specially designed course and the ratio of staff to prisoners is almost 1:1. (For contrast in the UK, which is closer to the US system training takes 12 weeks and the ratio is 1:4.) Prison guards in Norway are well paid, facilities are well staffed and guards are allowed generous breaks and holidays.

This creates a system where staff are not overly stressed, sleep deprived or pressured to achieve unreasonable ‘results’. Training focuses on conflict resolution, this along with a less pressurised working environment this creates a better overall environment for staff and prisoners. Force is really considered a last resort and staff are provided with the tools, training and support necessary to make that a reality.

There’s also effort put into the physical construction of these facilities: cells aren’t cramped, overcrowded or unsuitable for human habitation.

I’m not trying to claim these prisons are perfect. There is still a big trend of prolonged solitary confinement use in Norway and other Scandinavian countries. There is still abuse in prisons.

But- Well I can’t compare directly with US prisons because I didn’t find statistics using similar measures for violent attacks. However I can compare with the UK. With a prison population of about 3,200 Norway had 181 attacks on staff. The UK, with a prison population of 83,300, had a little over 10,000 attacks.

I think if you really want to write something with the least potential for abuse then you’re better off imagining an international (or explicitly Scandinavian) institution built more along the lines of the Norwegian system.

If you’ve got your heart set on an American, male prison being the only place this character can be then I think the ‘best’ thing a well intentioned warden in that position could do is throw her in solitary and have her kept on suicide watch.

The safe period for solitary confinement is about a week.

After that she’d start to show signs of mental health problems which would get worse the longer she was held. By about the 1-2 month point these problems are probably going to be permanent. Beyond that the chances of self harm and suicide attempts starts to rise. So does the chance she’ll have a psychotic break and start hallucinating. After a year you’re looking at multiple suicide attempts and chances of self mutilation. By which I mean things like trying to destroy your own hands, legs, face etc.

The decision about what’s right for your story is always yours. You know these characters, the setting and the kind of narrative you’re telling best.

Pick the options that best fit with what you want from the story and the characters. Because that’s the best decision for the story.

But if you’re writing about an abusive system don’t gloss over the abuse. If you’re writing about a torturous practice in prisons (like solitary confinement) don’t ignore the life long damage it causes.

I hope that helps. :)

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thessalian · 3 years

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Thess vs What A Hero Does

I’ve gone down the rabbit hole again. It says a lot about how much I live on the internet that my asexual, shakily-gendered ass winds up thinking about sex-related stuff this much, albeit in a rather intellectual fashion.

DC saying that Batman wouldn’t go down on Catwoman because ‘heroes don’t do that’ just fucking bugs me. Having actually done some reading about it, and heard the various excuses men like this (because it’s clearly men making that particular call) give for not giving oral, and it basically boils down to a few main statements that are a massive double-standard:

"It’s submitting to the woman and I’m not into that”. Yet you expect a woman to get on her knees for you to suck your dick. Well, that’s saying something about the power balance you’re after here, isn’t it?

“What if she’s not clean down there?” Most of the guys who say shit like this aren’t exactly great about genital hygiene either, and will somehow expect a woman to have a full Brazilian and be daisy-fresh when he himself hasn’t even washed his genitals before the act, never mind having heard of the concept of ‘manscaping’.

"I don’t like the taste!” Dude, you expect a woman to swallow your semen. Besides, men who aren’t this much asshole actually wind up liking the taste of pussy, so shut up.

"It takes too long and I’m better with my dick!” Translation: ‘I am in this solely for my own pleasure and couldn’t give a shit whether you’re actually getting off, despite shouting from the rooftops about how great I am in bed’. There is way, way more to sex than “insert penis into vagina, thrust until satisfied”, and only about 25% of women in a recent study said they achieved orgasm through vaginal sex alone. So actually, let’s simplify that translation: ‘I don’t know where the clit is and I don’t care’.

A lot of this is ingrained patriarchal bullshit. Fathers will give the talk to their sons about staying safe and all that but gods forbid they talk about how to actually please their partner. Basically this is a way of reducing women to a series of holes to fuck by making their pleasure next to meaningless. Hell, from the historical point of view, it’s relatively recent that our current society admitted that women enjoyed sex at all, so I guess that tracks.

Look, it’s not like I have a horse in this race. I only vaguely identify as a woman because it’s honestly just easier but I don’t really relate to it. As for sex ... nope. However, I did have one partner and while it didn’t work out because the whole thing repulsed me, the fact is that he genuinely cared about my pleasure. Which is actually why we eventually stopped (and yeah, the tension from that combined with other life stresses and turned the relationship into something toxic and abusive and I just plain left, but never mind). And honestly, I think that women who do enjoy sex deserve that level of commitment to their pleasure. And the fact that a major entertainment media property apparently feels secure enough in itself to say that “heroes don’t go down on women” just says to me that they think that heroes (or at least their heroes) are insecure manbabies who won’t give a woman pleasure because that’s in some way ‘submitting to her’.

Look, Batman canonically works very hard to be very, very good at everything he does. EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIIIING. If he’s having sexual relations with a woman, he’s going to do it to the absolute best of his abilities. That’s what a hero would do. That’s what a champion would do.

...Also? He’s friends with Wonder Woman. Do you really think one of the smartest men in the DC universe would risk having “I refuse to please my female sexual partner orally” get back to Wonder Woman? Diana would break the jackass.

#Thess gets aerated

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relish-the-freezing-silence · 3 years

Note

hi I was asking for a matchup please? I’m a 5ft 8in African American, my personality type is INFP-T, I’m a Taurus (don’t know if that’s relevant), um I enjoy drawing, playing my violin, and biking, I’m known as the aloof one in the group, like I’m usually asleep and never know what’s going on, but most of the time I make them laugh a lot, I’m also known as like a tough person who’s very sassy, but I don’t want to, I just wanna be soft and nice. I’m a homebody, I never go out. Surprise surprise I’m a hufflepuff lol, I like sweets a ton, it’s actually a problem, I really love to read and write and I also like sunny cloudless weather. I dislike gray days, being alone, and loud and rude people. If there’s anything I’m forgetting please lmk idk what I’m doing :P

Oh, goodness, I’ve left this for a long time, haven’t I...?

Well, if I start apologising now, I won’t be able to stop, so lemme just give you one apology, and hope that it expresses how sorry I am because I really am and wish I’d completed this sooner ;-;

Also, there’s nothing missing except for a sexuality, but I usually then just ignore gender and go with personality! I hope that’s okay with you!

ANYWAY- on with the matchup!

I match you with...Shoji Mezo!

. . . Playing - ‘Riverside’ by Agnes Obel

1:05 ��──|────── 2:53

|◁ II ↺ ▷|

ıllıllııllıllı

Okay, let’s start off with the fact that Shoji is severely underrated.

He’s an absolutely sweetheart, a gentle giant, always looking out for his friends and, well, anyone in general. He’s respectful of boundaries and is willing to go out of his way to make other people feel always comfortable in his presence.

While he’s friendly to everyone and works well with...all of Class 1-A, I can see him preferring an S/O on the quieter end of the spectrum. It’s not that he doesn’t like loud people, he just finds it easier to communicate with someone who’s on the same level of energy as him.

He’ll find your slightly oblivious nature amusing and endearing, and if you ever fall asleep near him, if he deems it necessary, he’ll gently wake you with a fond smile under his mask.

Honestly, I think he’s a very non-judgemental person and will let you be who you want to be around him without feeling pressured to act tough or soft. Sassy comments will be chuckled at, maybe with a hint of exasperation, and your more gentle side will be welcomed with a tender kiss to the forehead.

Being a homebody won’t be a problem with Shoji! While he’s fine with being out and about, you’ll tend to find him in his room reading or doing something quiet; his room is fairly simple XD

I bet you, if you ever want to plan out a world (world-building) for your writing, this guy is the man to go to! He’s really does have a good head on his shoulders and I headcanon him to love reading old fantasy books. So, with his vast accumulation of fiction book knowledge, I bet he could help heaps if you ever need it for your writing.

He won’t insist on him reading it, he’s very content with what he has (which is you!), but he’ll be happy to give it a look over if you want second opinions. Mind you, he’ll be very respectful!

When spending time together, probably something quiet inside, he’ll be happy for you to bounce ideas off him. He’s open to on and off conversations about whatever plot bunny’s been bugging your mind.

Your ability to make people laugh will be greatly appreciated. Things can get pretty stressful in the Hero Course, and a laugh is hard to get out when all he’s got on his mind is Hero work and the schoolwork the class was given. One laugh is worth everything, however. Whether it’s intentional or not on your part, a chuckle after a hard day is like his chest is filled with clouds, making him feel giddy and relaxed, just slightly.

He’s not one for being clingy, being a more independent type of person, but keep in mind that he priorities others over himself. He’ll be happy to keep you company in order to keep you from feeling alone, and if you ever have any doubts about his enjoyment during the times that you guys spend together for your sake, he’ll assure you, with absolute sincerity that you really do make him happy, even if you can’t see the smile gracing his lips every moment you’re together.

Shoji, being in the Hero Course and everything, will love to go out biking with you. He may look strange with his huge, hulking form crouching over the small handlebars, and he doesn’t not expect you to make a few sarcastic comments, but he couldn’t care less. Spending time with you is what matters, and cycling acts as a good way to remain active, as well as giving him the opportunity to see you doing something you enjoy.

While you’re fairly tall, being 5’8, with Shoji being...6’2, you measure quite little next to him. He doesn’t point it out to tease you, but whenever he gives you a hug, the size difference is painfully — absurdly — obvious.

Also, just quickly adding to the hug remark! Shoji definitely gives the best hugs. He’s the last to let go, letting the other person decide when they feel the hug has lasted long enough, and those arms can and will embrace your entire body in a warm and secure hold.

I think, overall, this relationship provides security and stableness.

A quote I think this relationship would match:

“Without humanity you can’t love. Love means looking beyond the self to the other.” ~ Frederick Lenz

═ ∘ ◦ ✩ ◦ ∘ ═

#bnha matchups #mha matchups #matchups #shoji mezo #boku no hero academia matchups #my hero academia matchups #bnha matchup #mha matchup #I changed up the style a little bit! I think it looks a little better ^^;#chance apologises once again #thanks for being so patient (*´∀｀*)

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autumnpleaves · 4 years

Note

My friend is homophobic and Im not out to her yet. Other than that, she’s really awesome. What do I do? Am I supposed to stop being her friend??? -C

*stunned silence*

*sudden release of air*

Aight, C. You’re in some deep, deep, deep snow right now-

Let’s see.

First step, do you know where this belief comes from?

Is it like from her parents, religious beliefs, the internet, social media, something? At all? Like coz as humans that socialize and interact, we are constantly being influenced without us knowing, and maybe through understanding the root of your friend’s homophobia.

This is important, because well, assuming because you say that she’s *really* awesome, that means this friend means *kinda* a lot to you. So in trying to *salvage* this relationship, let’s say you try to reason with your friend.

Second step, so- you know where the idea came from, what now?

Well if it’s a religious thing, then that might be a little complicated. As a religious person myself, I kind of understand where people like this might come from. But as we all should remember that the main core and center of say like Christianity, or something (sorry, I can also speak for the Christianity peeps) should be Love and Caring.

If it’s a family thing, that would be also- complicated. (Realizing this, is really down-heartening honestly, homophobia in general is just... complicated). Usually, people who’s views are affected by like family beliefs would hold on to that belief really tight, like... especially if they are influenced from a really young age. But I do believe that if your friend is willing to keep an open mind, anything is possible.

Do keep in mind though, that if you want to confront this friend, remain calm.

Usually, homophobia is caused by lack of information/knowledge on the topic, and so it’s usually surrounded by stereotypes from like media or family. You could try educating yourself on some FAQs and what not. It’s easy to find them online.

There is a possibility that your friend simply has not have a friend that is part of the LGBTQIAP+ community, and just simply doesn’t understand how a relationship between the same sex or gender might work. That is valid, and remember, that if you do try to challenge this view, it’s not going to change overnight.

They might be suppressing their own identity, and is simply oppressed and hides in the closet of internal homophobia (not always true, but likely most of the time).

Maybe try educating them, gently and with compassion.

No one likes a lecture, just ~maybe~ casually say something like... “Hey, have you ever noticed like children with two moms/dads are as happy as we are-” OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT- Okay, I’m not an expert at imaginary conversations. I do think that maybe if y’all are in like a conservative area, not enough *exposure* to these things may induce beliefs like “They’re disgusting, sinful, etc. etc.”.

There are like many really interesting and helpful facts out there, such as like-

Did you know that by normalizing same sex marriages, it can actually save taxpayers money and could boost the economy? Coz like weddings, and this is not a secret, can be like really expensive and by normalizing it or at the very least, like legalizing it would boost the economy and tax and stuff, and would support more jobs for the people out there! So in like a round about way kind of route, it helps :D

(Lemme know if this is like wrong or whatever, I tried to do my proper research- I’ll cite my sources if you wanna read more)

Another fact, is that most homosexual relationships are *obviously* not that different from heterosexual ones. Both of those relationships seek long lasting and happy relationships, and well if homosexuals find happiness, joy, and love in another homosexual, then shouldn’t that be a good thing and a celebrated thing?

Why is marriage a really important thing, you ask? Well from the resources I have collected and my own opinions and thoughts...

Marriage is essentially kind of like having like a ‘privelage card’ I guess you can say that? I wouldn’t phrase it that way, but from what I read it allows like economic and social support to the couples (from the government?).

*MOST* married people experience better physical and mental health. Marriage in most places allow couples the tools and the security to build a life together, protect their families, and (according to source) state and federal marriage laws provide a safety net of over 1200 *LEGAL and ECONOMIC PROTECTION* for married couples and their children.

This is important when visiting the spouse in the hospital, transferring property, and a whole lotta legal stuff that you can read more about online :)

“Why is this going all the way to marriage? Literally all I asked is about whether or not I should stay friends with this person. :|”

You’re right, but I can’t resist ;)

XDDD

I’m just giving resources and maybe facts and statistics to back it up, if your friend is that type of person. (Unless it’s a more religious thing, then that’s going to be hard, and you might want to like... I wouldn’t say blackmail? But like read up on your friend’s religion (if she has one) online and how or what the religion says about such topics. (Yes, I am well aware there are *LOADS* online going the opposite way [I am disappointed to see it, but *shrugs*] find the ones where they *DO* support LGBTQIAP+ folks :)) )

I’m sorry that this is kinda long, and all. I just hope everything goes well.

Just a quick side note-

If you feel unsafe or like doubtful on whether or not you should come out to someone (your friend in this context-) I think it’s best you Don’t.

I’m not saying you should never, but your friend could out you and blackmail or bully you, and that is not fun.

Especially since you know that she is has homophobic ideas, I advise you not to touch that coming out closet yet. Feels annoying and sad, I get it. But it’s unsafe and I don’t think it’ll end well.

If after all this, your friend still doesn’t understand or can’t change her ideas (give it a few days, really. Nothing, especially personalities, ideas, nor beliefs, could change overnight)

Then the best way to do it, is end that friendship over there. She’s a great friend, but being a homophobe, which clearly and obviously concerns your identity as well, is not a nice thing. You’ll constantly feel pressured and I think eventually, in a friendship where you can’t be honest or anything with your friend, it’s not going to work out for long and you’re going to ruin your mental health :)

I hope this helps, canon. I really hope it does. And best of luck and wishes to you. Feel free to reach out for more info/advice or anything at all. I’ll do my best to help ^-^

Sources

https://metro.co.uk/2019/11/28/how-to-deal-with-a-homophobic-friend-11233282/

https://family.lovetoknow.com/how-deal-being-homophobic-family

http://www.whymarriagematters.org/pages/just-the-facts-q-and-a

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexual-orientation/sexual-orientation/what-homophobia

https://medium.com/james-finn/how-to-help-a-friend-recover-from-homophobic-self-loathing-79b653925e6

https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce/same-sex-marriage

https://www.aljazeera.com/ajimpact/economic-impact-sex-marriage-190625232031095.html

#To be very honest with you #I had to ask a few people to reach this conclusion #shout out to them honestly #amazing peeps #hope this could help clear things up and what not #c-anon #canon #anon stuff #anon #answered stuff #homophobia tw #religious talk tw #religion tw #what else...#that it?#someone teach me to tag

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ayakashiramblings · 5 years

Text

If you came out - Dawn Faction

In celebration of Pride month (that is about to end and I lost track of everything because of work, ughh...), this is dedicated to everyone who wants to love!

Disclaimer though: I am a straight, cis girl so while I can write this based on my friend’s opinions, I won’t be able to fully capture the whole scope of being in the LGBTQ+ community. I am also a bad writer by nature, LOL. That said, if I have written anything harmful, please let me know so that I can correct it.

Also, this is technically in the Taisho era so like... I don’t know the history of Japan well enough. Plus, I can’t cover the whole spectrum here, I was hoping to do more with the other groups after gauging the reception here, LMAO.

Finally, Yura sucks for being too perfect.

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Koga Kitamikado

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His sweetheart is bisexual. And by the way? Very scared of telling him.

She has been dumped faster than burning coal all because it seems like MC would cheat with not just one but two other parties.

AND has also been hurled with accusations of not making up her mind and stringing people along so easily without a hint of remorse.

But he’s the second-most supportive man here. (We’ll get to the first later)

You, ever-the-intellectual knowing that, hit it for Russia when you thought you saw your ex-girlfriend and Koga turned his back on you for 10 seconds to tend to Masanobu’s new watch chain.

Fear does crazy things.

He and Kuya found you in 27 minutes, sobbing into an empty tub of ice-cream you stole from the tengu as your only food supply and frankly, the only item you brought along.

Even Kuya found it pathetic enough to leave you and Koga alone at the random bar.

Everything was pounding. Your head, people taking shots, and leaving with the resounding slam of the doors.

Again, and again, and again.

Yet, Koga was still there, letting you nurse your head against his burly shoulders and stroking your hair away from your face to look you in your bloodshot eyes.

His steady gaze returned some semblance of composure to your drunken mind.

"It's always been hard to look away from you... especially if I think you are troubled by something or someone."

Yup, that’s right. He has had his suspicions.

“Are youz gonna break up witz me...?”

“HELL NO!”

Ok so his calm mien was finally broken by that whispered question and his Japanese bellow had certainly garnered attention until he glared at the other patrons.

His control only returned when he said this.

“If they didn’t love you being bisexual, they didn’t love you. Period.”

... This is the first time you have ever heard of the term. Heck, you had always been too shy to ask Ginnojo for books on the topic but WOW KOGA KNEW? HOW?

You didn’t even know if that was the right term, how the heck did he even find it in the Taisho era of all eras?!

Boy was fully prepared to smother you with all his affections with just the hint that you haven’t been properly cared for.

“Lady Luck was on your side so many times. But here’s the thing; I knew you could love and have loved people. Not sides.”

“I would like to be on your side and your loved one now, in the next 1000 years and beyond.”

That night, you had celebrated coming out and being strong with the strongest man, vodka and of course, hangover in your life.

Kuya

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Trans male who actually sees Kuya making an effort beyond wraith-fighting.

You lucky boy! He is a bit confused at first but not dismissive. Anything involving you and your happiness is serious business to him.

Takes some time getting used to the shift in pronouns, but the one in 2892019280923092 chances that he messes up, he will always apologize with ordering whatever you want from the Milk Hall.

Now you wished he would mess up more.

When he is too lazy to buy paper, he just writes on whatever scars you have from your gender reassignment (if you go for it... wait, did they have it back then?) or the marks left from your binder that would have made you self-conscious once upon a time.

And he keeps doing it on each new mark as you slowly transition.

One day, you decided to buy the most classy paper a writer could ever hope for. One that would ensure no bleeding, feathering, and basically ‘The Dream Paper’.

All he did was give a smile and thank you before dipping a feather... and writing on the 273rd scar.

“But why?”

“I need to write the 273rd page of my boyfriend’s strength.”

Yura

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You are a trans female, that has been practising her coming-out-speech on forest animals...

... that you knew would know Yura.

You were so scared about seemingly leading others on and deceiving others. Every time some discovered any secret part of yours that you had hidden, suddenly EVERYTHING was exposed.

“Oh, my lady...”

“I am ever so delighted! You came out to me first AGAIN!”

... So it turns out, your past self was also trans. And Yura had been the proudest friend you had confided in first.

His part is so short because guess what? He is a perfect man. I seriously don’t think you would need to worry about him.

We just need him to be our boyfriend soon!!!

Ginnojo

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Asexual acing everything but sitting down with the bae and talking about it.

Not that you have to, only if you are comfortable.

And you were super comfortable honestly. Maybe the whole quiet patrol at the park had lured you into a false sense of security.

... Into giggling at poor Ginnojo blushing at some shameless couples.

Seems like the birds, the bees and make-out sessions were in season.

“Can we agree to never do that?”

“Of course.”

“Like, ever? Like forever never?”

“Er, yes?”

“Like really no smashing of bodies also?”

“.... No? Wait, why are you asking? Come, let’s sit over there.”

This is probably the most Ginnojo has ever talked but you are so ecstatic that he can take it all in and without you feeling flustered over the occasional ramblings mixed in with serious explanations.

Checks the boundaries established like the following;

If you don’t mind him occasionally finding you sexually attractive, especially considering you are one of the few women he interacts.

Promises on telling when to stop.

Getting sexual relief from outsiders (No surprise that he shoots the whole premise down. Ginnojo without you, it wouldn’t be him to the ayakashi)

Kisses and the art of cuddling.

Ultimately though, he just needs 2 things and that would be enough.

“I want to love you like a book. Let me hold the pages and move with you when your story tells me to until the end.”

“And in return, I’ll share my cover with you to spread around any corner of the world you want.”

Aoi

Lesbian that chose to come out to the right ayakashi... but at the worst place possible.

To be fair, you had tried your best in luring him to sketch at a discrete, isolated place.

You had even pictured the scenario, which later turned to be a screenplay of all the disasters and worst reactions that could arise from the even the simplest, vaguest confessions.

Had Aoi known of this whole script, he would have probably said it was the writing Kuya could only dream about having.

It’s just that the Golden Week makes the Milk Hall super packed for once.

So there you were, with the milkshake that should have brought an annoyed satori seer over and scolding you for remaining with the probably-spoiled drink.

And everything snaps. His pen snaps, your straw snaps, you snap.

“What, I’m a spoilt milk bottle because I’m swinging the cap the other way? HUH?!”

By some miracle, Oji was too busy flirting with the onslaught of female customers and the aforementioned group was too preoccupied with giggling at that dork.

Aoi had heard everything though. You knew he had heard everything... so why wasn’t he responding?

Then you heard it, the girliest of giggles.

And the sweetest grin you have seen in the world.

Again, you couldn't blame Koga for mistaking him for a cute girl cus dayum...

Loving a man or woman, his tsundere mind and mouth finally cooperate to say the exact same thing.

That you are a lovable dork who had been the very muse for the painting he has been slogging over.

A whole triptych.

The first one was of you at the river, grabbing the rock to seemingly skip across the water. It was undeniably warm and set at dusk. So the transition to the next frame was jarring but somehow familiar.

The second depicted you walking away with the random stone, and being largely ignored by others and nearly engulfed in the darkness between you and the rest of the crowd.

And finally the last was someone's hand sharing the stone with yours. Curiously, it was only inked and without any palette.

“The only thing they all need is your colours, whatever you have chosen and wanted. I want to see them when you want to show me her.”

And you did, spending his 1-hour break just using all the paint supplies that you could find together.

#koga kitamikado #ayakashi romance reborn #arr #kuya #aoi #ginnojo #voltage inc #ayakashi: romance reborn #lgbtq #yura

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maddyperiez · 5 years

Note

ROBYNNNNNNNNN

my main biiiitch!!!!

full name: robyn clementine argent.

gender and pronouns: cis female, she/her.

sexuality: bisexual.

ethnicity/species: white, human (but not any common human ;))

birthplace and birthdate: she was born while her parents were living in san diego, on august 2nd, 2002 (the story’s set in 2018 btw).

guilty pleasures: she’s pretty confident in what she likes to have a guilty pleasure, but i’d say, having stuffed toys. for some reason she doesn’t like everyone knowing about them, it’s like her own special thing. they’re all over her room and bed, and her favorite one is an old one, a duck that she named Bird. that’s what i can think of rn.

phobias: robyn is terrified of getting electrocuted. she always has been and it’s just an irrational fear with no reason. ▬ she also HATES bugs, especially slimey ones. ▬ her family and friends being in danger ▬ she’s scared of punches? it’s a very weird fear she has. i mean, no one wants to be punched, but robyn just hates to think about how getting punched feels lmao. ▬ drowning. ▬ nightmares in general.

what they would be famous for: her style, so she’d be like, a digital influencer.

what they would get arrested for: underage drinking ▬ breaking and entering ▬ honestly, she spends 6 seasons fighting the supernatural, it’s a looong list.

oc you ship them with: it’s a brotp, but mel ( ceruleanmusings ). they’re total soulmates!

oc most likely to murder them: ahshs maybe your esme? she’d definitely think about it a lot, tho ahshhs.

favorite movie/book genre: adventure movies and fantasy books!

least favorite movie/book cliche: idk if it’s a cliche but she hates books where slut-shaming is treated like normal and acceptable. with movies she’s more chill abt cliches ‘cause they’re shorter so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

talents and/or powers: she’s a good writer ▬ and is also good at skating (especially on ice), tho she’s not a professional ▬ she has a good eye for fashion too! ▬ as for powers, i won’t be saying much besides that 1. seeing people glowing is a side effect of this power, and there’s a reason why not everyone glows & 2. it’s more of a “passive” power.

why someone might love them: she’s very caring and loyal ▬ and being her friend feels secure because she’d never betray you, if someone doesn’t trust her friendship, it’s probably something wrong with them, likes trust issues and stuff ▬ she’s also very kind ▬ she treats people well despite their “social status” ▬ she donates to a dog shelter online ▬ robyn stands up for herself and people who need it ▬ and she’s also up to do a lot of things, it’s very fun to be around her.

why someone might hate them: once again, she stands up for what she believes in, and some people don’t like that ▬ she can be very bitchy and petty ▬ sometimes brutally honest ▬ she’s also very self righteous and has strong morals, tending to always think she’s right and to be very judgy ▬ robyn is not as “correct” as she may seem. she just has enough common sense to know that it’s rude and mean to say stuff like “your body type matches stripes better than polka dots” “you’re too tall to wear heels”, but she’s definitely thinking it (sometimes she even says what she’s thinking to a friend). robyn feels guilty and works really hard on changing this bc she knows this mindset is something she got from society and that it isn’t right.

how they change: at first, robyn doesn’t want to learn how to fight. it’s messy and painful and tiring. but as the seasons go on, she wants to feel in less need of protection and be more able to help, so she starts training ▬ she does become less judging ▬ she works on beating her drinking problem ▬ she becomes tougher in general ▬ learns to use her abilities to be more helpful (that’s how she ends up bonding with lydia) ▬ she starts to put more effort into school (but just a little).

why you love them: she’s so special to me bc like, she’s my first “real” oc? i write from her pov and she’s the one i’ve the most of, so i’m attached. i like that she’s a good person, and popular but also has some “bitchy” traits. and she’s so confident, lmao. also, i gave her my love of dogs bc i feel like us dog lovers aren’t represented well enough!!! and also her story lets me give some more depth to teen wolf and some characters so uwu.

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#( oc: robyn argent )#( story: hypervigilance )#oc asks #oc stuff

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hollowedrpg · 5 years

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CONGRATULATIONS, ROBYN! — You’ve been accepted for the role of Arthur Weasley. Your application was honestly a dream. I love, love, love how you expanded on how Arthur’s speech impediment affected his growth, and the man he’s become. The way you delve into his relationship with Molly, and with their children just allowed me to disappear into his character. I can’t wait to see where you take him from here.

Thank you so much for applying. Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the follow list. Welcome to Hollowed Souls!

ooc.

name:

robyn

age:

21

pref pros:

she/her

timezone:

GMT (wales)

activity:

I’m working full time but other than that I should be around daily to interact.

how do you feel about your character dying?:

I’d be gutted because Arthur has already been dealt a bit of a shitty hand (what with everything in the Mols/Gid/Fab realm) but such is war and that’s this world.

anything else?:

WHERE’S MY WIFFEEEEEEEE :(( — jk he’s just suffering already :D

ic details.

full name:

Arthur Septimus Weasley

date of birth:

5th february 1950

former hogwarts house:

Ravenclaw - A boy who could be heard without words, who can command attention from his peers? tell me he’s not here to prove himself with his knowledge of other languages or pour himself into non-verbal magic to provide himself with a voice that can not be ignored. For an individual that has never been thoughtless, Hogwarts freed him from any social restraints he put on himself, the house of the curious facilitated the growth of that character, to ask questions where he felt things were unjust or provide an answer to those that challenged him. It leads perfectly into his role within the Ministry as he attempted to introduce legislature to protect and normalise muggle culture.

(I have always been irritated at the trope-y excuses for the Weasley’s being Gryffindors,Art screams Ravenclaw to me, lemme know what you think)

sexuality:

heterosexual

gender/pronouns:

cis male, he/him

face claim change:

i’m happy with sam if you are

more.

how do you interpret this character’s personality? how will you play them? include two weaknesses & two strengths.

Art is that guy that you turn to when you need someone to hear you out or have a be with. He’s a rock because he has his world laid ahead of him, his marriage is absolutely water tight and his children are the light of his life. Shake that up and you’ve shaken his core sense of stability. With Molly gone… He’s lost in the hope for her to come back to them all, to their children, to him.

Therefore his strengths look like:

Homemaker/Comforter: He and Mol built the Burrow for themselves before the children were even a whisper in their subconscious, and now he strives for the familiarity and comfort that his home gave even strangers. Godric’s Hollow is a taboo place, in a horrendous situation, but Arthur turns the dingiest corners into little nooks for the boys or respite for those around them all. Hopefully everyone benefits from smaller icons of what home could be and where it could be found again.

Defender: Arthur’s decision to join the Order was not only to protect the ones he holds dearest, but those that need help. He is no pawn to be played with and whilst he feels he has made the biggest mistake by not taking his children and wife and leaving, Arthur knows Molly will come back to him. His knowledge in defensive magic will grow broader as he seeks to understand the darker twists and turns of runic magic and strengthening wand-less charms and hexes for the purpose of duelling. What else could he do with the time where the kids are asleep?

And his weaknesses look like:

Sightless: People may’ve picked up on the speech impediment, something he’s navigated for years but he’s currently blinded. Not physically of course, but things have occurred and who knows what is happening to those missing. Arthur is a certified knot of chaos, and is only just realising that it’s detrimental to his and his children’s safety. He’s too caught in what was and cannot accept a future without his wife and friends. It’s a lot for everyone right now, but he cannot drag himself from the searing pain of what looks to be the future. Unlike others, Arthur is finding it incredibly difficult to move forwards without his stabilising people. To have lost his brother-in-law, and not know whether his other brother-in-law, and wife, has annihilated any sense of security.

Unamenable: In the sense that he hates the pity that others cast him whilst desperately requiring the support he needs for his own wellbeing and that of his children. It’s something that he needs to get over yesterday in order to survive as a parent, it isn’t weak to accept the criticism of those around him.

how has the war affected this character, emotionally and otherwise?

His blood runs cold when he can’t see all of his children. Every morning he wakes up and forgets in those two seconds that Molly isn’t going to be soft under his arms, he’s content, but then he remembers. Arthur has stopped being the warm, inviting, individual that he was once acclaimed, and is now succinct with a worn nod or an obligated line of a smile. Opening up to the new people he’s put in close proximity with isn’t his game, and instead of offering stories to lighten the mood, he listens to everyone and everything he can. He observes more so now than ever and people can assume it’s because he has a speech impediment or that he’s grief stricken because his family are missing or because he’s preoccupied with his children. Arthur isn’t at Godric’s Hollow out of choice, he’s there because he couldn’t think of a better place to be with his children. He’s incredibly thankful but doesn’t trust people’s intentions, Arthur is aware that he can be used a tool in the machine and is biding his time until someone calls upon him.

where does this character currently stand? with those who wish to hide in godric��s hollow until the war ends, with those who wish to rebuild the order and continue fighting the war, or on neither side? why?

Arthur’s as conflicted as most. Stay in the quiet with the boys and lay low, stay protected where flicks of ginger haired aren’t sought out to match their mother’s. Yet there’s a fire in him that yearns to fight and flicker from the ashes and embers, to go and fight for Molly. And he so bitterly finds himself wishing that they would’ve waited longer for the children’s sake because if there were no children they could’ve fought harder at the immediate. She wouldn’t have been lost. He shouldn’t have been a coward and told her to go alone… He’s a mass dichotomy, no one move seems to have a balanced return, he always seems to lose.

It’ll take time but he will realise that he needs to listen to his gut and fight forwards, to set an example that good does prevail when it’s smart and strong enough. For now, they’re all exhausted and Arthur’s very much caught in that state of mind also.

With Molly missing, how is Arthur managing taking care of his children and continuing to be a part of the Order? Does he feel like he should remain a part of the Order?

He knows that he has obligations to the Order because after all, they are housing his children, using resources that should be reserved for those that are actively fighting. However, they accepted that strain and he will serve as best as he can. Currently Arthur is attempting to school his children with what books are littered through Godric’s Hollow and provide structure and normalcy where there seems to be none.

Art knows the Order need people who are dedicated to lose their lives for this, for others, and more importantly for the future, but he just isn’t sure if that is something that he can actively promise or provide to any degree.

Although he continues to read and further his skills to the point where he either decides to move the children and fight with the Order or leave Godric’s Hollow and take off with them.

extra.

here you can list or add any extras you created to get a sense of this character. that can include graphics, writing samples, mock blogs, etc. apps that have extras won’t have an advantage over apps that don’t, although it can help me further understand your grasp of the character.

00/00/52 Molly

05/02/50 Arthur

29/11/70 Bill

12/12/72 Charlie

22/08/76 Percy

01/04/78 George

01/04/78 Fred

01/03/80 Ron

11/08/81 Ginny

_________________________________________________________________

“Do not listen with the intent to reply. But with the intent to understand.”

Fingertips pressed to the tip of his thumb, orderly and silent within his pocket. Listen, watch, observe Arthur, it’s the fastest track to becoming a wiser man. Advice from his father, a stoic, genius of a man. He’s taught Arthur secrets about morality and how to keep his tongue in his head before he had even considered the evils of the world. It was priceless information to have instilled into you at a younger age - especially with the Weasley name carrying blood traitor status.

However it took a time for everyone to realise that words were caught struggling to tumble from his mouth, tripping on his tongue. Fighting their way through monetary issues meant that Cedrella and Septimus Weasley were incredibly busy people whilst Arthur was younger. Both working tirelessly in order to make ends meet, and of course they did, but at the extent of Arthur never really being able to realise the frustrations of having a speech impediment until he took interest in attempting to say new words at the age of five. He should’ve been talking for longer than that but it was a combination of being busy and Arthur naturally being quiet that allowed his disability to go unrecognised.

And so began the speech therapy with a diagnosis for developmental verbal dyspraxia. His speech went from incorrect stresses to monotone, breath control allowed Art to imagine the music he had heard and loved so dearly and breathe to it, suddenly he was starting to flourish. In the meantime, he was introduced to sign language in the therapist’s waiting room, and of course he was intrigued. Talking without words? It seemed like the ultimate solution and so he delved into books and taught himself to sign in the mirror. He wasn’t fluent with expressions and developing a less mechanical place until he made friends with a few deaf children. They filled the gaps in his knowledge and he was a new friend for them to play with. It was exactly what he needed to realise that he could manage without clear language, that he could make others hear him. And these children were muggle, without magic to aid their communication.

Arthur was so excited to be surrounded in magic that he started reading the texts at the age of ten, the anticipation made him nervous beyond belief, knowing that incantations would be his fall. Instead he read the theory of the magic, practising the movements and prayed that by the time he got to Hogwarts, he would just need time to breathe through the incantations. Thankfully he was sorted into Ravenclaw, a house that fed his traits of listening but nurtured the need to ask questions, he began to reach out to his peers and ask more. And they listened, sometimes baffled by his lack of intonation, sometimes reaching out to sign themselves, it was a house of curiosity and endless questions so of course Arthur was forced to be more communicative.

Whilst it wasn’t a cure all, it was what he needed to develop into the individual that would speak out against what he thought was wrong and stand strongly for what he believed to be right.

__________________________________________________________________

“Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest treasure.”

“RAVENCLAW!”

Red hair felt out of place on the Ravenclaw table. Warmed by a firm hand on the shoulder, his heart pounding in his chest as he looked at the faces beaming at one another, wondering what the first years might bring to the house. His quiet at the table was easily accepted and ears tentatively picking up names and hobbies. As he turned in his bed, his stomach was full of dread at the realisation of the title to live up to - the innovators and path makers. Arthur swallowed the fear of inadequacy as he rolled again, restlessness was a new thing to one so young.

It was only a week before another signed hello to him, something he hadn’t even clocked as he returned the gesture but was immediately dumbfounded as it came to the front of his mind. It earned a grin from across the room and finally he was settled in his new home, with others hungry to learn from their peers and fill gaps in their familiarity. Despite it turning out that the other thought he was deaf, Art still greatly appreciated the act of kindness, and it instilled in him to give time to others. He hadn’t tried that hard with those around him since he had been surrounded by kids at speech therapy, but this pushed him.

A mention of a charms club had him asking questions to a fifth year student who laughed at him but shrugged and jotted down the directions to a second floor classroom. His magic had never thrived more than when charged with excitement, and Art was soon to be questioned on how he was so proficient. Why was he so proficient? And so his slow explanation was spoken aloud, a rarity to the 11 year old, but others heard him and laughed, wondering if he was going to do their homework for him.

Ravenclaw is his spiritual home. It nurtured him not only with knowledge, but with opportunity. It gifted him the bollocks to ask Molly out. Ravenclaw bequeathed him the strength to shrug off ridiculous name calling and sneers about his sympathy towards non-magical possessing individuals. His core was absolute and clad with the experiences that he held dearest, to support and nurture. To defend. To listen, to learn before marching blindly. Arthur’s morality was furthered in Ravenclaw, it wasn’t borne in the house, but it was watered to full blossom. No longer a seed under fresh soil, but a sunflower tall and looking for light where seemed little.

__________________________________________________________________

“Eos ipsos defendere non possunt defendamus”

(Let us defend those who are unable to defend themselves)

Arthur fell in love with Molly. Molly fell in love with Arthur. Everyone knew that was the story, they could see it in the fond glances and touches that lingered, savouring one another. They were the couple that you almost couldn’t imagine not being together, complete yin and yang. One was burned hot and vibrant where the other ran cool and calm, pacing was better for the both of them as the realised how well the other benefited their lives.

People didn’t see the arguments about having children immediately or wanting to travel or the small pause that happened just after they bought the Burrow. It wasn’t for people to see. They certainly didn’t see the months long conversation about joining the Order or what it would do to their family. What it would do to them and for what? A cause?

“Protecting who at what cause?!”

It made sense now.

But of course there was a part to the yin and yang that absolutely reassured Arthur everyday he woke up. Because for over a decade he had given to loving Molly Prewett, he had received her love back, he was now a piece of her. He would know if she had died. He had to know. It wasn’t fabled that people collapsed out of the blue despite not knowing their significant other had passed. It couldn’t have been. He would hold Ginevra in his arms every night whispering promises of returning her to her mother, of offering the comfort of her touch, and there were nights when his daughter was his only comfort whilst he sobbed alone, defeated and exhausted.

“Children! Families! People with those to lose!”

The memory of the argument alone made him stoic and calmed his fears as much as it screamed his guilt in silent moments of thought. An odd juxtaposition but he was as determined as he was when the words had left his lips. All of them had but one goal to move through this. They would find her, because that was what they were all here to do - what they had to do.

__________________________________________________________________

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family.”

Charlie. Percy. Fred. George. Ron. Where’s the baby?! WHERE’S T- Ginny.

Morning mantras were never reminding yourself that your children were alive and surrounding you, they were the eggs and bacon?

Or porridge?

No, Dad! I want toast.

It wasn’t always a tightened chest when he heard a clatter of locks changing whilst his children played across the room from him, an instant flash of hands to check that they were all aware to be respectful of those around them. He had never quietened their noise as he did so now… Not that they were louder than most’s speaking level. It still was unnatural to see his eldest pick up the younger ones when Arthur moved in front of them when somebody unexpected entered the room.

Watching his children grow up aware that they were all targets. Now that was stomach churning, to see their fight or flight in real time instead of in tag or when they were scared because they’d broken a glass.

Art was exhausting his imagination in order to provide fun alternatives for them to play or take their minds away from the cold reality. They were now learning how to write their wishes and new words and spells. Art was worried for his children getting to an age where they needed proper magical tuition, whether they would leave for Hogwarts as Bill had, how would they channel their magic initially without wands. Could he guide them through that?

What would Molly do?

His heart burned for his eldest son. He just wasn’t enough for everyone and that was the problem, wasn’t it? Arthur felt like he was letting his boy down by leaving him away from the rest of his siblings but it was the safest place for him. Perhaps safer than his siblings. It was the question that wracked his head - should he collect Bill from Hogwarts so that he was safe with everyone? How could he protect him when he was miles away? Would he be able to protect another child, especially one so desperate to protect his siblings… Molly would be so irritated at that thought. Or maybe she would be furious that he still waited, that he hadn’t taken them already. His mind buzzed light the air in a storm, but at least his words weren’t yet electric and sharp to others. Instead he exhaled and shook out the distress, heaving sighs in hopes of removing the weight crushing his chest.

Self doubt was an evil bastard and he was consumed with the what-ifs and the when’s instead of the right-here’s and the nows.

DAD!!!!

He had been waiting for it. Percy was writing letters to his grandmother when Charlie had stolen a rubber band and thwacked it across the room, hitting his brother on the side of the head. Arthur stifled a laugh whilst he watched Molly take a rather purposeful sip of tea to hide her smile before correcting the behaviour.

Dad?

Art blinked, staring at a frowning George, tuning back into the room. His son had been so hesitant, the boys were very patient with both him and Ginny in the absence of their mother. They wanted home as much as he did, but at least their space was slowly becoming more comfortable and their drawings were brightening Godric’s Hollow as small gifts to the others that sat and read stories with them all. He just hoped that this wouldn’t become their usual and he could return to the home he had made for his family.

__________________________________________________________________

AFTER THOUGHT:

(Muse is something that develops in scenario for me personally and I am stoked for the plot of this RP to reinvent the Arthur I’ve written for years. Hence how face value the answers are, but hit me up if you want more drabble or to further move through the points, I just want the chance to do this organically through interaction.)

#hp rp #rp #lsrpg #marauders rp #lsrp #accepted

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marinsawakening · 5 years

Note

Fake dating? Then they realise they're way better as a qpr, and switch to that?

This is 2000+ words and got way out of hand, hence why it took so long. Also, I changed the prompt slightly to an already established qpr (not that that comes up until the last possible second), and there’s only one explicitly arospec character, but for the record, Ed is totally nebularomantic in this. Warnings are minimal, except for extensive swearing and some sexual references. Lastly: No editing we die like men.

Summary: AU where Ed, Winry, Al, and Paninay are master thiefs planning a heist for various large diamonds, and in order to succeed, Ed and Winry go undercover as a married couple.

This wasn’t going as planned. Or, more accurately: this was going exactly as planned, and he absolutely hated it.

As predicted, the crusty old nobles had bought the charade hook, line, and sinker, and now all that was left to do was scout the territory, grab the jewels, and vanish into the night. Problem was, neither Al nor Paninya had given the signal yet, and so he was stuck actually pretending to date Winry, exactly as they had planned.

“Your wife is lovely, Mr. Rockbell-Elric,” purred the old fuck they were planning to rob next to him, and Ed drained his wine in one swig. Winry was entertaining some socialites further up the buffet table, but she threw him a pointed glare. Keep off the wine, it warned, you have a job to do.

In response, Ed rolled his eyes.

“I see she’s not a fan of drink, though,” Old Fuck said, bemused. “Mine isn’t either. After we got married, she put me on a strict no-alcohol policy, as if I’m some child that can’t handle my liquor!”

“Must be tough,” Ed managed to spit out from behind gritted teeth. Thankfully, Old Fuck was too self-absorbed to notice a thing.

“Truly! Women, I swear, always nagging, and nagging, and nagging, as if we cannot think for ourselves! I wish my wife would shut up and think about me for once. But, well, I suppose it could be worse; after all, she does have a nice pair of -”

“Lord D’Argent!” Winry interrupted right before Ed would have been forced to smash the Fuck’s head in, with a smile that dialed up the ass-kissing to eleven. “May I express my gratitude for being invited to your party? Winry Rockbell-Elric, at your service. I see you’ve met my husband?”

“Oh yes!” Old Fuck - D’Argent, and yes he had actually known that, he just didn’t particularly care - swung an arm over Ed’s shoulder, and it took every ounce of self restraint he had not to slice if off right then and there, but he managed, and even conjured up a smile. “Lovely man, excellent taste in wine. You’ve got yourself quite a catch, Ms. Rockbell-Elric.”

“Please, call me Winry.” She held out a gloved hand for D’Argent to kiss, who eagerly complied. “After all, we’re all friends here, are we not?”

“Quite! I’ll be terribly sorry to see you go tonight.”

Us and your priced jewels, Ed thought, and the smile on his face became slightly more real.

“About that,” Winry began, voice smooth as a dagger. “I’m afraid I must ask you for a favor. See, I have been informed by one of your staff that, unfortunately, some saboteur seems to have slashed the tires of my automobile, and as I am not currently in the possession of a replacement, I will need to stay here until the garage can send men to help us repair it.”

And, just like that, Ed’s smile slipped off his face.

“I’m sorry?” Ed exclaimed. “Our car has been sabotaged?”

It was bullshit, obviously. There was no saboteur in the world who could out-sabotage Winry, and they definitely had some replacement tires hiding around the car. The car being supposedly so damaged that they’d need to wait for professional non-Winry help could only mean one thing: Al and Paninya had encountered more difficulties than expected, and now they were moving on to plan B.

“I’m afraid so, sweetheart,” Winry replied, honey dripping off her smile.

Ed fucking hated plan B even more than he hated plan A.

“That’s terrible!” Lord D’Argent said indignantly, wiggling his overly large mustache. “I cannot believe some scoundrel would have the nerve to do this on my grounds! You have my sincerest apologies, Mr. and Ms. Rockbell-Elric, and of course I welcome you to stay at my home for as long as you need.”

“Much obliged, Lord D’Argent.” Winry made a quick courtesy, and, after a beat too long, Ed followed her example and bowed. “Much obliged,” he repeated through gritted teeth. “You have our thanks.”

“Nonsense! It’s the least I could do for such lovely newly weds.”

On moments like these, Ed really wished there was a God above, just so he could have someone to strangle.

///

“What the fuck?” he hissed, as soon as they’d been left in their assigned rooms. Winry was unimpressed.

“The safe was tougher than we’d anticipated, and Paninya can’t crack it. Al slashed the tires and hid the replacements so that we’d have an excuse to stay longer. I’m going to join them at the safe tonight, so that me and Paninya can hopefully break through together.”

“And if you can’t?”

“Then the brakes of our car and those of the D’Argents will ‘mysteriously’ be cut, making it impossible for us to move out just yet.”

“Fuck.” Ed fell back on the bed, burying his head in his arms. “Fuck. I’d agreed to one night of fake marriage, one night.”

“Don’t be such a baby, you can last for a day or so more.”

“Our backstory can’t!”

“Then we’ll just need to work on it more.” Winry gently sat on the other side of the bed, her face softening slightly as she looked at him. “Look, Ed, neither of us likes this very much, but we need to get those jewels. You know that.”

Ed didn’t answer, and finally, Winry just sighed.

“Fine, be like that. But we’ll still need to work on our cover.”

“We married last spring, you’re pregnant, we’re naming the baby Fuck You.”

“Maybe something a little less crude, but I like the pregnancy bit.”

“I don’t.”

“Tough. I vote we name the baby Urey if it’s a guy or Sarah if it’s a girl.”

“Really? Naming them after your dead parents?”

“It’s just the kind of drama the D’Argents will eat up.”

“And what if the kid is actually nonbinary, hm?”

“Ed, we all know that in high society, trans people don’t exist.”

“Are we having a gender reveal party too?”

“Obviously.”

That actually managed to get a laugh from Ed, who promptly tried to smother it. Winry smiled down at him, her whole being radiating smugness. “See? It won’t be that bad.”

“Okay, fine.” Ed tried to hide his grin as he sat up proper. “Let’s fuck with some rich people.”

///

After Ed had accepted his cruel fate, it was actually not as bad as he’d feared.

“We’re planning to name the child Urey or Sarah, after Winry’s parents,” he said, a small but proud (and very fake) smile on his face, and he glanced at Winry from the corner of his eyes. She fluttered her eyelashes in a way that was almost cartoonish, but she pecked him on the cheek and the D’Argents practically melted in front of his eyes.

“That’s so terribly sweet,” Lady D’Argent cooed, leaning forward with a hungry look in her face. “What made you settle on them? Me and my husband have been arguing for ages about baby names, and yet, we haven’t been able to reach any consensus.”

They probably thought that they were being subtle, but if looks could kill, the D’Argent couple would have committed murder several times over during this dinner. Not for the first time, Ed wished he could break cover to yell ‘Get a divorce!’. Sadly, he had to settle for: “She suggested it, and it was so absolutely perfect, I didn’t see a reason to argue. We don’t argue all that much, honestly!”

It was a blatant, horrid lie, and Winry quickly turned her laugh into a cough. “It’s true,” she added. “It’s as if we were made for each other.”

“When did you first fall in love?” Lady D’Argent said, pointedly not looking at Lord D’Argent.

“We’ve simply never not known,” Winry answered, hanging just a little closer to Ed to emphasize the point.

“Yes,” Ed added. “She’s always felt very different than all the other friends I had. Totally. Very distinct.”

“Oh, I completely understand what you mean,” Lady D’Argent said, and she grabbed Lord D’Argent’s hand, who looked as if he wanted nothing more than to run away. “When I first saw my dear Micheal, I immediately knew he was the one.”

“Love at first sight, yes, very romantic.”

“Ed, honey, haven’t you had enough wine for the day?”

“Why, Winry, my darling, don’t you want a glass as well?”

“Oh, I’d rather drink something else, if we may excuse ourselves to the bedroom?”

“Oh, yes, of course, we wouldn’t want to keep you,” Lady D’Argent replied, slightly green, although whether it was with disgust or envy, Ed couldn’t say.

“Thank you very much, my lady.” Winry inclined her head and, leaning on Ed a little heavier than necessary, with Ed’s arm wrapped around her a little tighter than normal, they left the banquet.

Back in the safety of their rooms, Ed burst out laughing.

“ ‘I’d rather drink something else’? Holy shit, Winry.”

“Got the job done, didn’t it?” She grinned smugly at him, before quickly switching demeanor to serious. “Alright, we need to get started.”

“Right.”

Quickly, they got to work. Ed opened the bag, pulling out a length of rope he handed to Winry, who had opened up the window and proceeded to tie the rope securely around the window sill, ready to be climbed on. They were on the ground without a sound, ran across the courtyard like shadows, and ducked into the western wing like ghosts, making their way to the safe perfectly unseen. Al and Paninya were waiting for them, just as planned.

“You lovebirds getting busy?” Paninya asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Apparently, Winry’s thirsty tonight,” Ed replied in deadpan.

“And Ed’s too drunk to stop me from ravaging him,” Winry agreed, also in complete seriousness.

“Guys, can we please make jokes about Ed and Winry fucking after we’ve stolen the priceless treasure?” Al said, desperately.

“Al, don’t you know that love is the greatest treasure of all?” Paninya placed a hand over her heart. “I cannot believe I’m in cahoots with such a heartless monster.”

“Next time, I’m vetoing the marriage cover. For my sanity. I do not want to think about my brother having sex ever again.”

“How about we just swap you and Ed, then? You get to fake date your childhood friend!”

Al stared at her, completely unimpressed. “Right,” he said. “Because of course, sending in the aromantic to pretend to be in love will go way better than last time.”

Last time, there had been an on-fire clown.

“Fair enough,” Paninya rescinded. “And anyway, you’re right. We’ve got work to do.”

“Finally!” Winry exclaimed, putting on the safety goggles with a gigantic grin on her face. “Stand back. This’ll get hot.”

Dutifully, Ed stood back, and watched the show.

///

The diamonds in the safe were as big as his fist, and well worth the stupid charade. They even managed to get out of the mansion without too much of a fight.

“I can’t believe you bust your arm up again,” Winry muttered, looking at the mess of wires hanging out of his elbow. “They only shot five times!”

“You were in the line of fire for that fifth shot! Be glad I saved your life!”

“I’ll be glad when you stop giving me more work!”

“Lovebirds, could you tone it down? I’m trying to sleep.”

“We’re not in love!” came Ed and Winry’s chorus. Paninya just snorted.

“Right. Shut up either way, please.”

///

Truth was, Ed didn’t hate romance covers on principle. They could be fun, if he was allowed to turn them up to eleven just to fuck with people; if he was allowed to exaggerate, they could be quite a bit of fun to act.

Mostly, he hated the doubt that came after.

In their little shack, Al and Paninya took the two beds to sleep, while Ed and Winry took the first watch. They were in the middle of nowhere, forest stretching out endlessly across all sides, the starts shining bright in an onyx sea.

“Winry?”

“Hm?”

“So, in the hypothetical scenario that we’d ever get kids, what’d we name them?”

“Nothing to do with our dead parents. That’s just creepy.”

“It’s -” Ed hesitated for a second, shifting awkwardly. “I’m serious.”

Winry stared at him for a second, and he looked away. “You actually want to get kids?”

“I mean, I don’t know? I probably wouldn’t be parent of the year, with one deadbeat dad and one normally dead mother, but you know, I think I’d kind of like to try?” He knew that he was rambling at this point, but didn’t stop. “And I mean, is it even possible? I mean, what we’ve got is already weird, but I definitely don’t want it to be romantic, but I don’t know if you can get kids together without it being romantic?”

“Ed,” Winry cut him off. “When have we ever followed the rules?”

Looking at Winry, whose eyes twinkled like diamonds in the moonlight, he slowly grinned.

#my writing #fma #edward elric #winry rockbell #my posts #aro stuff #this one is also known as 'count how many times i used italics'#ugh i'm so tired so sorry if this is sub par quality #alphonse elric #paninya #as minor characters #Anonymous

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formerlyjannafaye · 6 years

Text

100 Questions

I was tagged by @janes-mike and @el-and-hop and @caseyk112 like 100 years ago and I just finished it now! Oops.

1. What is your nickname? Janaynay, Fayzers, Jan

2. How old are you? 31

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? Rainbow

6. What’s your lucky number? 2

7. Do you have any pets? not at the moment

8. Where are you from? Canada

9. How tall are you? 5′4

10. What shoe size are you? 8

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? this is so embarassing, I probably own like 35 pairs of shoes (but in my defense, we experience extremes in all 4 seasons during the year) and I am a shoe addict.

12. Are you random? sometimes? but not really.

13. Last person you texted? my dad

14. Are you psychic in any way? i feel like i am really good at reading people and i have a really good memory when it comes to people so maybe a little?

15. Last TV show watched? New Girl

16. Favorite movie? Hard question! ET, Get Over It, Moulin Rouge

17. Favorite show from your childhood? Mr. Dressup!

18. Do you want children? I have one! I’d like one more, I think.

19. Do you want a church wedding? I had one.

20. What is your religion? I am a Christian, which I almost hate to say because Christians are represented so badly today and I am ashamed of this group so often. To clarify, I think Jesus is the bomb and so I try to emulate how he treated people. I’m also a feminist, pro marriage equality, pro choice, pro creation care/caring for the environment, I believe in science, I don’t believe in hell, and I hate violence. So...do with all that what you will.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes, I go there a lot with my work.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I literally sweat when a cop car passes me and I’m a goody two shoes, so no! Haha

23. How is life? Its alright. I am really tired today which always affects my mood negatively. And I just watched Infinity War last night so I’m depressed, y’all. (edit: can you tell I started this over a week ago LOL)

24. Baths or showers? Showers (you could not pay me to get into a bath! germs!)

25. What color socks are you wearing? none, its too warm out

26. Have you ever been famous? Once I met the guy who won Canadian Idol and my local grocery store put up a picture of us together in the store and had it up for years. Haha!

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I used to really want to be famous, but celebs get a horrible deal these days. They have no privacy and our world thinks they owe us everything and really they owe us nothing so I would never ever want to be famous. I like being able to look like crap daily and not have it in magazines.

28. What type of music do you like? I like a wide variety of music, the only music I don’t like, really, is misogynistic rap and country. I am a choral and accapella music nerd, I love it so much.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yup.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my side with my top leg thrown over so I’m in a weird stomach/side position but its sooo comfy.

32. How big is your house? Its a good size! Big enough for us and then to host people that come to visit us and our yard is huge!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I suck at breakfast...toast or a granola bar.

34. Have you ever left the country? I have been to Germany, South Africa, Cuba, Costa Rica and the USA.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Many years ago at summer camp.

36. Do you like anyone? Well I’m married, so yes.

37. Favorite swear word? Shit. It is sooo satisfying to say.

38. When do you fall asleep? WAY too late every night. Between midnight and 2 am.

39. Do you have any scars? Yeah I have some from when I had the chickenpox as a kid and had no self control and scratched them off.

40. Sexual orientation? Straight.

41. Are you a good liar? I think I am a horrible liar, because I value authenticity so much and lying makes me anxious.

42. What languages would you like to learn? I would love to learn Spanish since its so beautiful. Really I just would love to not only speak English!

43. Top 10 songs? Oh my! What a question! Imma be safe and just say the top 10 songs I am listening to most often right now: Fall in Line by Christina Aguilera ft Demi Levato, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by BSB, Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes, Bittersweet Symphony cover by Boyce Avenue, Love You Long Time by Pentatonix, Dive by Ed Sheeran, Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran, New Rules cover by Pentatonix, Casanova by Allie X, Gravity by Sara Bareilles.

44. Do you like your country? I do! I am mad at our leader rn, and appalled that Ontario elected a Donald Trump wannabe as a premier (like WHY HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ONTARIO PERSONS UGH) but overall I love being Canadian.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes! Its the best!

46. What is your personality type? I am an ESFP, an extrovert with introvert tendancies, and I am an enneagram 4 (seriously, google it. That is me to a T).

47. Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff 4 LYFE

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Anne from Anne of Green Gables, just not as smart. Just as dramatic and short tempered, though.

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? I don’t like them or want them near me.

52. Favorite food? Chocolate. Chips and Dip. Dill pickles.

53. Favorite foreign food? I love Mexican food so much I can’t even pick one thing. Also naan bread is the BOMB especially when dipped into dal makhani. Uuuuuuugggghh I wanna eat that so bad rn.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I am pretty clean, messiness makes me crazy.

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Pee standing up, see what its like to not have to deal with bathroom lines, street harassment, etc.

56. What color underwear? Grey.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 20 mins, but usually longer because I don’t like to be rushed so I take my time.

58. Do you have much of an ego? I don’t think so? I’m a walking pile of insecurities.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I used to bite them but I have TMJ and my jaw is a piece of garbage that cannot withstand biting anything hard without popping all out of place and pain. Fun times.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yup.

61. Do you sing to yourself? CONSTANTLY.

62. Are you a good singer? I have a pretty decent voice.

63. Biggest Fears? Losing people I love, dying, clowns, bats, cockroaches

64. Are you a gossip? I like being in the know but I don’t like pettiness. That said I sometimes find I have to focus REALLY hard to bite my tongue.

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Absolutely.

66. Do you have long or short hair? Its too long! I need a haircut.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Maybe? I might forget a few. The real question is can any of my American friends name the Canadian provinces (the CAN equivalent of states? I DOUBT IT yet we learn the states in school. SMH)

68. Favorite school subject? English and French

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Intoverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope and I don’t plan on it.

71. What makes you nervous? Rooms full of people that don’t like me, small spaces, driving in winter.

72. Are you scared of the dark? Less than I used to be, but I don’t like it.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do daily but thats because I have a toddler and teaching/correction is important in some moments. But you also have to let them fail which is challenging to do.

74. Are you ticklish? Nope. Only my sister can tickle me and its so annoying when she does!

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not that I can recall?

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yeah a few times

77. Have you ever drank underage? I don’t think so, I was 18 by the time I drank anything, I think.

78. Have you ever done drugs? No drugs scare the living crap out of me.

79. What do you fantasize about? Having more time to myself, living alone like a hermit and not having to work, having perfect hair every day, having another kid, living somewhere warm, saying snarky things to my MIL’s face.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes.

82. How fast can you type? Fast-ish if I’m on a roll but I don’t use the proper hand technique. I get by though.

83. How fast can you run? Run? Moi? HAHAHAHA

84. What color is your hair? Ash brown with a faded rainbow in the back.

85. What color are your eyes? Green.

86. What are you allergic to? Winter mold. Spring is the worst. And I can’t go barefoot on grass unless I want to have itchy swollen feet that I want to scratch off forever.

87. Do you keep a journal? I have one that I’m supposed to write a line a day in but I am the WORST at it. Once I get behind I get so unmotivated.

88. Are you depressed about anything? I feel like I’m sleep walking through my life sometimes, and depression takes away my ability to care enough to be motivated to do anything about it. I swear apathy is the worst side effect of depression for me!

89. Do you like your age? It is honestly the best. I love being 30! I care less about the insecurities that consumed my life in my early 20s. I have more body confidence . I’m more secure financially than I’ve been at any point in my life. And I still feel youngish. Haha.

90. What makes you angry? White privilege, misogyny, Canadian and American politics, Christian people who don’t act loving and don’t seem bothered by it, when people don’t return their shopping carts in parking lots, when people can help others but don’t, cancer, narcissists.

91. Do you like your own name? I have always loved my name. I only know one other person with my name who spells it like me!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? Odd question, no.

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I have a boy, and if I ever get the opportunity to have another kid I kinda hope its a girl. I’m really close with my mom so I always imagined having a daughter to hopefully be close with too. My son is a mini me in every way, though.

94. What talents do you have? I have a semi-photographic memory (so helpful for studying), I learn song lyrics super fast, I can sing any song for you in the correct key it was recorded in (what would you call that? pitch memorization?)

95. Sun or moon? I love sitting in a sunbeam like a cat. But the moon is super comforting to me. Both.

96. How did you get your name? My mom wanted me to have a different name in a sea of Ashley’s and Brittany’s (I was born in the late 80s).

97. Are you religious? My faith is very important to me and relates to all areas of my life, including my job, so yes? But I don’t feel like I need to be in your face about it, that’s not my style.

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Yes and honestly everyone on the planet could benefit from it! Its the best!

99. Color of your bedspread? White with blue and goldish flowers on it.

100. Color of your room? Light grey.

I feel like everyone already did this but all the same I’m going to tag @earlgreyteagirl, @reddie-to-mileven-it-up, @stevemossington, @maxmayfield and here’s some people who I know already did this but I want you to see my answers haha so here goes @hannahberrie @summer-in-hawkins @jane-el-hopper @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @thezoomermax @puzzlingsnark @fatechica @mikeweezers

#am i late to the party?#you know it #but running late is my style #sigh #survey

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emmybluefire · 6 years

Text

Relationships: Emmy

Name: Emmy Bluefire/Sorvegosa

Nickname: She doesn’t have many, though some just call her Em. Her consort calls her “River Lilly”

Gender: Female

Romantic Orientation: Bisexual

Preferred Pet Names: She doesn’t have a favorite per’say. More just some she doesn’t like, and other’s she’s okay with. On that short list is “Hun”, “Luv” and “Sweetie”

Relationship Status: Married? Is that what you would call dragon consorts? (For now at least)

Favorite Canon Ship: Emmy x Dante/Sorvegosa x Danthir most definitely. :P

Favorite Non-Canon Ship: Emmy x Caelin mainly because their polar opposites, would never happen, yet hilarious to think about. XD

Opinion on True Love: “True love is merely a concept. A plot devise used in fairy tales to give an ultimate all-concurring force of good. At least in the sense you’re referring too. Truly, love is not always happy. Love is not always fun, and it’s definitely not anything mystical or magical. I would know, I’m a Blue Dragon. No... but if you care enough about a person to work with them. To be their loyal partner that’ll last well into the future. That’ll stick with them through both the good, and the bad... then in essence; that’s what I’d call true love. Then again... I’m a hopeless romantic. So take that as you will.”

Opinion on Love at First Sight: “Tsk. No such thing. Love is something that evolves over time. What you feel when you first gaze upon someone is passion. Is infatuation. And that is not always a good thing.”

How ‘Romantic’ are they?: “Were you not listening before? I’m a hopeless romantic, so Very.”

Ideal Physical Traits: “Sadly love can not spawn without infatuation. Without physical attraction. That is something I’ve come to learn over time. Just know that no matter how attractive you are, your personality is what’ll make or break the deal. But I’m avoiding the question. What honestly catches my eye is health and energy. If you are my age, in good health, and can match my enthusiasm; then you’re on my list of potential partners.”

Ideal Personality Traits: “Intelligence, motivation, strength of mind, confidence, kindness, and respect. Sharing my interests helps too.”

Unattractive Physical Traits: “No matter how I’d answer this It will sound shallow. And though I may not be attracted to certain things, just know that it does not overshadow my empathy and respect for others.”

Ideal Date: “Tranquility, a walk through the woods at night, while blue lady beams high at it’s zenith and fullness. Intellectual banter and interesting discussions of... well, whatever while we lie in the grass. Food too... food is AMAZING!”

Do they have a type?: “I like those who are willing to listen. And I like those who are encouraging, honest, and respectful. If they care about me, and are willing to calmly speak with me when the going gets rough then I’d say I have a keeper. Also... I like it when they tower over me... jus- it makes me feel safe and secure. Titans know I need it in this world we live...”

Average Relationship Length: “I’d rather not calculate out the average lengths of all my relationships on a scale. They’ve all been drastically different with their length.”

Preferred Non-Sexual Intimacy: “Hugs, cuddles, butterfly kisses, and cradling. Jus- straight up. I love feeling my partner’s warmth. I love breathing in their scent... creepy as it sounds--I just realized. Heh. Moreso in passing AS they hug or cuddle me. To elaborate.”

Commitment Level: “I want someone who’s loyal. Someone who I don’t feel like I’m competing for. And... if I’m to be honest... I’d love to have you for life if possible... That’s just how I am and how I commit.”

Opinion of Public Affection: "Usually when I see that among others I’m just like: “Okay, you two have fun.” and leave it at that. I don’t mind it... as long as it isn’t excessive. Like, give me a chance to breath would you?”

Past Relationships?: "Several. Though, I avoid talking about them in detail.”

Tagged by: Nobody. I did this off my own accord because I enjoy these things XD I did get it from @percy-von-gacy though.

#writeing #meme #roleplay #rp #world of warcrat #enchantress #sorceress #magic

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unorthodoxsavvy · 6 years

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Hi Savanna! I really hope this doesn't come off negatively.... I identify as straight, because I have never found myself attracted to anyone but the opposite gender. I have been teased by some of my LGBT friends about my sexuality, which made me realize that must be how it is for most LGBT people. Any advice for how I can reach out to them and solve this issue? Sorry about this, I just don't know how to make known that I love them without making a big deal about it!!

Hmm. Well, first of all I think there’s a big difference between teasing and negative comments. I am 100% okay with people teasing me about anything. Because it’s all fun and games. But sincere negative comments are different. And I’m not saying straight people don’t have to put up with that, but it’s to a lesser degree when it comes to “gay/straight” or “trans/cis” to put it down in very, very basic terms. A reminder to people though that everyone has their own battles.I think that it’s easy to understand LGBT people being made fun of even if you’re not LGBT. Like you understand it. You could imagine it. Maybe it’s not as real to you but you still should get it. Even at a very basic level. Everyone is made fun of or talked negatively about for something. So I think you should let them know that. If you want to.

Honestly what I want and what I think most people want is just the security to complain about LGBT problems to their straight friends like they would any other problem. I don’t need my friends to tell me I’m valid. I don’t need my friends to tell me they support me. Maybe initially, yes. But not all the time. Just the security of knowing that they don’t care what I am or the knowledge of them fawning over me and my gayness (depends on the friend) is enough. I have my best friend Olivia who I could complain about like LGBT stuff to from things like “fuuuuuuuuuck girls are so pretty what the fuuuuuuuuuck” to “my boyfriend is so squishy and cute alfkdhjsgdh” to “god LGBT people act like they’re so inclusive and they’re not” to “I can’t believe conversion therapy is still a thing wowie gonna zap the gay out of me fuck off” and she’ll agree with all of that. I could be like “fuck I’m so gay” and she would be like “cool”. That’s all I need. To know she won’t complain about me saying stuff like that. You don’t need to explicitly say “That’s okay you feel gay because you are a valid lesbian” or something EVERY time. Just know that it’s there.

Also, take interest in LGBT+ happenings and things. If your friend has a comic they love because it’s LGBT, check it out. Ask for LGBT suggestions. I sent my friend that M|M jock/nerd comic that tumblr users add on to and she was like YAS THE GAY FEELS THANK YOU SO MUCH and like any update on my relationship she’s like YAS MY CHILDREN LOOK AT YOU BEING SO WHOLESOME AND HAPPY and like that feels good about anything? Not just LGBT stuff?

I guess what I’m saying is make it a big deal if you want to once in a while but sometimes people just want it to be a norm. Other times they’re probably going to want you to listen to them ramble about how gay they are like they would about a favorite TV show or a favorite ship.

I feel like for a lot of us our LGBT identity is just another obsession. Like yup gonna wear my ANIME tee with my BAND BRACELETS and my SPACE BACKPACK with my BISEXUAL PIN because you want people to know about you and you want to show it off. It’s like being in a fandom. There’s drama and love and art and all that shiz.

I hope this helped, even a little.

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pumpkingutfashion · 4 years

Text

AN ESSAY FOR THE MEN WHO

DISAPPOINTED ME

by: Sarah Naatz

I’ve always struggled with inserting myself into spaces I don’t belong. Quite honestly, it’s insulting to everyone involved, and in result, I continue to rub the people in my life into rashy rawness, chafing them in the wrongest ways.

I’m not lying when I say I believe I could take care of everyone; I could take care of everyone, and I could do it better than anyone else possibly could. Well, sometimes that notion is true, but a lot of the time it’s not. Truthfully, I only bring up my failures to avoid sounding too self-assured. Yes, when it all boils down to it—and under it, and over it, and in all the cracks in between—I have no doubt that I would be a better husband for my mom, a better lover for my friends, and a better friend for those I care about.

The worst part about being called a man-hater, (in a not serious way, but also in the most serious of ways) is that it’s untrue. I’ve always craved acceptance from the male community with such ferocity and desperation that it has caused me to carry a tortured love for them; a love that is dipped in a foam of hate and crafted with a sprinkle of my own misogyny. Everyone’s high school days are hard, but they’re a different kind of hard when your personhood is rejected by every one of your male peers. My experience provides me no question as to why I feel I must intervene today.

I have butt into too many boys clubs, hoping to be unseen, but ending up “appreciated” for my “self-contained womanship.” I have barged into too many locker rooms, begging to be an equal, but winding up settling for “not like other girls.” I have thrown myself into too many sexual situations, yearning for partnerships, but instead I found my anatomy under-blossomed and out of use.

I’m ashamed and embarrassed how I swam in their toxicity, and then asked for more pool time. I’ll never get back those minutes I lost as a young girl, carving myself into a woman I thought they’d like, hoping the new one would finally gleam the right kind of gleam; one that never came natural to me. It all hurt so much, but not enough, for I’d learn later what hurt could really be.

The transition from high school to college was the first chance I ever had to leave my own self-hatred. My male tormentors flew from one Christian institution to the next; destined to be shoo-ins like they always had been. Those same women flew in too; a few wing beats and loose feathers behind, but nevertheless, they soared on. College was the great escape; I had my Jesse and I had my hope to ensure me that I’d finally find better company.

Jesse was the first man to ever get it, and once I knew he got it, I stopped molding myself into another person for other people. Instead, I just became me. It was amazing to have a shared life with someone; we gained so many friends so fast, and through him, I gained something I’d never thought I’d have: neutrally charged male friendships. Things got easier because of Jesse. My relationship status blockaded any performative rituals that heterosexual culture thrusts upon friends. Men respected that I was off limits, and I respected them for letting our friendship exist without gender dynamics and biases, or so I thought at the time. In the beginning, I think male friendliness was so important to me because it validated my darkened desire; the secret desire that I was, and always would be, worthy of the golden male approval. At the time, I truly believed that I had finally reached gender paradise.

Eventually, this paradise slowly changed as I did too. As I grew comfier with my new confidants, I started hearing the small things that would slip out. As I became more “in”, I saw things that frightened and confused me yet again.

The guy with the goofy haircut, who spent hours of our time talking about respecting women saying “no,” was the same guy who sent an unsolicited picture of his penis to an underaged girl. The guy with the funny long neck, who spent our whole semester abroad laughing at my jokes, was the same guy who laughed with his friends that women can’t be funny in the same chortled breath. The guy with the cool hiking backpack, who spent most of our camping trips saying that there’s SO much sexism in the music industry, was the same guy to compare women who don’t want to have sex with him to dogs in a shitty rap verse. And finally, the guy with the quirky Where’s Waldo glasses, who painted himself as The Most Aware Ally in the Land, was the same guy to break out all the slurs when he was pissed-out drunk.

This new hurt stung a little stronger; the past echoed in each cut and deepened each wound. I wasn’t prepared for this. I only knew men who wrote their hatred with bolded honor. I didn’t know men who wrote with invisible ink.

The first crutch I made myself was built with excuses. I did my best to claw at the moments when they before proved me wrong. But, as more of the truth spewed out, and as more of their grossness ballooned from my silent affirmation, I found myself an inevitable enabler once more. We fought of course, but I tried to be brave in their upper hands. Nevertheless, no solution could possibly arise, and in result, our friendships strained under my confrontation and their perceived cancellation.

To this day, they still try their best to pretend around me. They say all the right things and they send all the best articles, but I know what lurks beneath when they’re all together. I know what goes on in the room where I’m not allowed.

I know now that I was foolish to think that these kinds of men would be left in my high school halls. I know now that toxic masculinity is not a creature confined to the dark; a swamp monster chained to a swamp, or a pale vampire waiting in a castle. It’s dark power is too transulsive. Phantoming in broad daylight, it parks its coffin both above ground and within the earth. I can’t scoop out the infection, especially when it's personal undertaker gaslights me into false security.

There’s no use in running, because it finds me even in the friendly; I was ignorant to believe that its fermentation ended in Wheaton, Illinois. It’s alive and jive, and I have nowhere to hide. I’m left to award their pantomime with coins, for I am their token woman and the divided curtain they need to not be like “those other guys.”

Now, I no longer bother to be disappointed with pretenders. I am done meeting people halfway in order to achieve my own liberation. Now, I don’t wait patiently for the men around me to pick and choose what they want to understand. Instead, I intervene with agency. Now, I hold my mother’s hand.

#toxic masculinity #writing #feminist #personal #men #women #growth

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