#i would if i were someone else but id just make myself look hypocritical (has bad acne)
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i keep seeing an ad for people with really bad acne and. i just have to resist the urge so often to screenshot it and say "omg jeong" 😭
#oc#oc shitpost#ish#i would if i were someone else but id just make myself look hypocritical (has bad acne)#also also it's not even accurate i recently changed it to him having acne scars instead but i still have that urge 😭
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right so i just got done crying on and off for the first three hours of my day and i think i deserve a bit of unloading into the internet about it
dont mind me i just,,,dont have a support system anymore lol and i need some kind of fuckin release. feel free to ignore
so the last week in particular has been extremely rough and today I almost asked to go to the hospital in the hopes of like, idk. getting some sort of help. I have never been this depressed or hopeless before in my life and I’ve never had so much nothing as I do now. I lost all of my friends and my only support. I don’t have anything to look forward to. I look at my projects and my art and I can’t stand them because everything has memories attached to people who hate me and want nothing to do with me. People who have ignored me for five fucking weeks after telling me “We want to fix this.”
i’m hardly sleeping. im constantly exhausted. im physically nauseous because i cant eat from the stress and anxiety, granted i remember to eat at all or have the energy to get up to get anything in the first place. emotionally im an absolute wreck. I can’t focus. nothing is enjoyable. there’s nothing TO enjoy, because everything i had before was everything they took away. I’ve been left in the dust after they told me they still cared. so clearly that was a lie. if they cared they wouldnt have left at the drop of a hat like that
Even my family has noticed that i’m not okay and they’re starting to ask questions. i feel bad every time i brush them off but I cant let them know how bad things really are. i cant tell them that every hour i have to fight the urge to hurt myself again. that every time i have a second of free thought i think, hey, wouldn’t it be so satisfying to make yourself bleed again? and yes! it would be satisfying! but that’s not a pit i want to fall into again. it had me for years and it took even more years to break. and even though I have the awareness to not go through with it and can recognize it’s not actually going to help in the long run, it’s so exhausting when that’s my first go-to solution. And like yeah I usually have those thoughts anyway but I’ve had such a great system of friends and people I love who love me also that it was easier to get past. There were people there for me who cared and because I knew they cared I could get through the rough patches. But now I don’t have those people. I don’t have any support. There’s nobody who cares about me. So then my loneliness gets to me and i get even more depressed and anxious and I keep spiraling, and those thoughts get worse and harder to fight off. it was those thoughts of intense “lets hurt ourselves really badly :D” that made me want to go to the hospital. I literally had the thought of “If I go to the hospital and they say I’m not severe enough to be admitted, I’ll just grab a pen and stab my leg to prove to them I need help.” Which is neither good nor healthy, but it would be so easy
instead i ended up crying for three hours and started thinking the circumstances that lead me here
and like. i will admit, and i have admitted dozens of times, hundreds of times to myself, that I made a mistake. I know that. I told them that. That was the first fucking thing I said. all i can think about is that singular, one, individual, tiny little blunder. and how despite me acknowledging it and coming clean with it and trying to talk about it, it was blown up and out of proportion and thrown in my face. they took my misstep and every single one of them twisted it and manipulated it into something far from the truth, something that painted me as a terrible person, as a secret asshole, as a huge toxic influence, as a deceitful and unappreciative person. They all threw out everything about our friendship in favor of ignoring what I’d said and assuming something far from the truth, the truth I laid out for them no less.
and then when i asked if i could clarify and communicate, they told me no. then blamed me for not communicating!!
thats all i ever tried to do! was communicate
From day one the group said hey if there’s a problem, be open with it and we’ll talk about it. we communicate to solve problems because we’re all friends and cherish each other.
what a load of shit.
i tried to communicate. I laid out my problem and then everybody else got involved, said I wasn’t allowed to talk about that with them, then they called me back like some kind of court and judge and jury and told me because I didn’t communicate, I was being kicked out. That’s not fair. I wasn’t treated fairly. I wasn’t even allowed to clarify whatever the hell they thought. They straight up told me no, you can’t talk about this with us. That’s not communication. That’s hypocritically shutting me down.
“Communicate with us Jask!”
“Okay I will send communication”
“Op! You’re not allowed :) We agreed you can’t talk to us :) You’re being kicked out :) Oh But Don’t Feel Unwelcome We Want To Fix This.” Then they all fuckin. moved into a space without me in it. That’s not welcoming. That’s exclusionary. That’s not communicating either. I’ve been handed a double standard that I can’t do anything about because I’m not allowed to even say hello to these people
How does anyone expect things to get better if I’m not being given the chance I was promised? its been. five. weeks. I’m ? so fucking tired and sad and alone, waiting every fucking day in the hopes that someone is going to actually talk to me again. then I finally pass out in near tears at 3am because another day has passed with none of them caring enough to even ask if im okay
and like. i desperately want to talk to them. i dont know what id say but. i dont know. i dont know. im not allowed to, for one. they made that crystal fucking clear. but again what would i even say?
do i say im sorry? i apologized dozens of times and it never made a difference, they ignored my apologies from the start and im certain they ignored the ones at the end too. and im terrified of saying sorry to the only person who really matters in this situation because im certain she’s going to cut me off if i even breathe in her direction
do I say that i miss them? what’s that going to do? it feels manipulative to say that. like hey pity me into talking to me again? i cant do that. im sure none of them miss me anyway so why would i put myself on the spot like that
do i admit im afraid to talk to them? again that also feels, bad, because the last time i admitted a feeling it drove them all away in an instant. and like also that feels like im backing them into a corner where they have to respond. and i dont want to force that. so it feels like talking is making the same mistake that made them kick me out. and like. what if...talking really does make it worse? what if talking is what ruins it even though talking is what they told me they want?
again there’s the double standard. be honest and communicate, but if you’re honest and communicate you’re rejected outright and made into the bad guy.
at this point its been so long
and i’ve deteriorated so much
i dont know if like. i just. i dont know...if more deterioration, if more waiting, and more dashed hope is worth it ?
i dont even know if they still want to repair things. what if they dont? what if they never did? what if they lied? what if they sit in their little group and talk poorly about me? what if they made bets about how long it’ll take me to leave or unfriend them like my isolation was some sort of game? what if they think i hate them? what if they really DO hate me? what if they moved on and want to forget about me? what if they regret knowing me at all? what if they wish they never knew me? what if they’re happy without me? what if
oh boy i started crying again
what if this entire month of waiting and crying and wishing and grieving and hoping and loneliness was a waste of time? what if this was all for nothing? what if i never get to talk to them again? i. man. i just. i really really really miss everyone. i miss them so much. i miss them so fucking much. i dont know what to do. I m. fuck. im miserable. i wish i hadn’t said anything i wish i had kept my mouth shut i wish i never tried i wish i never did any of that i wish i had my friends i wish i could go back i wish i could talk to them
if i didnt say anything at least i’d be happy and id have everything and i would have my best friends in the whole world and id, fuck man thats really it, id be happy. im so fucking awul
im so. i. i cant see the scvreen i need to go wash up and stop
#hello void its me ya boi#back again with a new hit single#It's Not A Relapse If You Recovered Six Years Ago#by fall out boy#tw/cw for people who are curious about this ramble#tw self harm#cw self harm#tw intrusive thoughts#cw intrusive thoughts#but also general self loathing and crippling loneliness
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OSRR: 2283
i did a bunch of work today. kinda exhausted.
i attended and took notes in class, i cleaned my room and went through my wardrobe to get rid of stuff in the first real clothing purge of the last like five years, and then i did all of the assignments that were due for earth science before 6pm, which was weird for me bc i usually do them after everything else during the day. but i had time, so i did them early. i also listened to two sections of math lecture, so i can do homework for that section tomorrow, and maybe get a head start on the rest of my exhaustive list of homework for each day of the rest of the semester. quite literally, i made a list. numbered it, put in all of my assignments and when i'd do them, so i have it all laid out in front of me so i can keep to the schedule, because if i fall behind any more i will not finish the semester. but i have to, and i have to have something to show to my professor tomorrow to let her know i'm not giving up, but that instead it's my mental inertia that is really preventing me from being productive. mental inertia is what i'm calling my brain's unwillingness to do a single fuckin thing on any given day. because of the definition and practical understanding of inertia, it means though that if i want it to move, i have to move it myself. i have to push it. because that's really what i'm dealing with - an unwilling blob of disaster that has a decent ability to function if it ever gets off its ass. so i need the motivation to push that blob until it starts sliding. lots of principles of physics here: inertia, forces, static and kinetic friction. yknow, the drill.
anyway, i'm proud of myself for today, even though it feels like i missed doing stuff. breaking things down into specific details helps me, so having a day-by-day calendar that goes line by line telling me what i need to do on a given day will help me push my dumbass brain into gear. it's a variation, i suppose, on the block method of task organization andrew tells his clients about. sticky notes worked for a semester. a detailed planner worked really well for a semester. so now, straight-up pads of paper will have to work for the rest of the semester. i need to rotate my methods so i don't get complacent and ignore things, like i can easily do if things are uniform and are exactly the same. which is why a list is easier i guess, because yes it's all supposed to look the same, but it's a different visual thing than a wall of brightly-colored sticky notes that end up blending into the faded yellow wall. which is a problem i have. so. i'd like to go back to the planner thing, but that also worked best when i was on campus and not stuck at home for school stuff.
also i talked to joel a little bit today. sort of a normal interaction: he asked me if i wanted to fight, i begged for death, he said no, i said why, he gave some bullshit answer, then we changed the topic. kinda funny tbh, that's sort of our way of checking in on each other. it allows me to actually tell him how i'm feeling, and while he doesn't give up much information himself, a lot of it is supporting me and my nonsense and buffoonery as i simply exist as a ball of Anxiety™ that stress-cleans and vibrates in place as i contemplate the tasks i must complete. today was an anxiety day, so i told him. [it's nice to tell someone things about my emotional state and for them to take me and what i say at face value instead of trying to break me down into pieces of "drama" and "not drama," because that's what my mom does. if i feel too much, her first response is "what's real and what's drama," or "you're being dramatic," or some other equally bullshit gaslighting of my emotional state that's fuckin fragile in the first place. like, listen linda. "what's real" all of it. "what's drama" none of it, you moldy peach pit. i feel what i feel, and you are not allowed to tell me that what i'm feeling isn't real, so shut your mouth and sit the fuck down, you melted stick of unsalted butter.] but yeah. joel actually listens and i love the shit out of him for it.
and lastly, i watched a christmas movie. by myself. before thanksgiving. but. in my defense, it was about a struggling writer at a writing conference who ends up repeatedly unknowingly bumping into the keynote speaker, a published author of whom she happens to be a fangirl in increasingly embarrassing situations at first. and then they're paired as writing buddies for the conference, and he gives her pointers and they banter and work together and it's just really cute and the Drama occurs when he's trying to tell her he's the author but she keeps rushing to go somewhere and it's the keynote and the author walks in and it's HIM. THE DRAMA. THE BETRAYAL. THE YEARNING. and then he comes to her dad's house and surprises her on christmas day with a letter from a publisher bc her revised copy of her manuscript was really good bc of all the help he gave her and the experiences they shared and all the good stuff and she said it was basically a happy ever after, to which he replied, "i guess it is." and then she says, "so kiss me already," and points to the mistletoe above them and it's SO CUTE AND SWEET AND I ALMOST CRIED.
but anyway, i feel like a hypocrite because christmas!! shouldn't!! happen!! before!! thanksgiving!! that's!! a!! rule!! and i HATE IT when people put up christmas decorations in early november, but at this point i'm accepting that it's something that gives people joy so i really shouldn't step on that. it's just. learning to accept that people enjoy certain things and i should encourage them instead of rag on them for it. i'm not perfect. i'm still learning. and i want to be a kinder person to people, more loving and accepting and supportive, and i'm slowly overcoming my own hatred of things as i grow and distance myself further from the shit that made me this way. i'm learning! if i make a mistake please tell me gently, because i want to be better but i also have RSD and i WILL shut down and tear myself down forever if i am told harshly bc that's just how i am. i'm trying to get over it a little at a time by accepting things as time goes on, but in the meantime i need help. so that's all, i guess.
thanks for reading and for caring, i love you guys and i hope you're enjoying things that being you joy, even if other people give you shit for it. i will do my best to support you!
also if you're in the US and are of voting age and are registered and haven't already voted, GO VOTE TOMORROW. some states have same-day registration, so bring an ID and go register if you need to. this election will determine our futures - i know so many of us are in circumstances that would be harmed if we had another four years of the racist orange peel in office now, so i know many others who may straight-up die because of it. we need protections. we need to have our rights protected. we need to have our lives protected. and we can't do that with the damaged candy corn in office for any longer. he'a already fucked with us enough. we can't afford any more of it. now i'm just angry ranting. please, go vote for joe biden. politics is like public transit: if there's no train going exactly where you need to go, you don't just not get on the train. you take the one that gets you the closest, and work your way from there. that's joe biden. and, if biden does indeed win, our fights aren't over. we have people we need to protect from the conservatives and racists and white supremacists that exist goddamn everywhere. we need to keep reminding people that it's our responsibility to take care of one another in every way we can. there's a laundry list of things that needs to be fixed; unfortunately they won't happen all at once. so we have to keep fighting, no matter who's in office. VOTE.
VOTE.
#molly rambles#operation srr#osrr#2000s#2200s#sunshine boy#vote#vote for biden#settle for biden#seriously#thank u
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OOF... i dont even have a theme for the major extinction characters sjlklfdhk. i dont.. i dont have most minor characters planned out even
I WILL GIVE YOU HOWEVER, a song that’s been inspiring me for certain worldbuilding things (though i cant say much bc idk if itll end up showing in the story at all but you can have it!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XciV8HuNQLw
[it’s realm breaker, by mechina]
Oh man, im influenced by a bunch of art and comics but i couldnt pin down specific inspirations for those haha
as for the more broad sense, i also have a bunch of things! significantly, physics and space. it might not look like it but i think a lot about the logistics of things and whatever rules would exist in my universes etc. it does suck sometimes bc it prevents me from doing things just for the hell of it, but i love applying knowledge to things. and space has always been something really close to me, my dad’s an astrophysicist so ive been exposed to all sorts of cool knowledge about it since i was a wee bab
i also really really love metaphors and symbolism, but rather than take inspiration from things i just use my own personal symbolism x) i put a lot of myself in what i do. which.. i guess could be said for many artists too so its not too special haha
and also as with many other artists, i AM fueled by spite significantly. specifically 1. for the people who once thought or who still think id never be good to do art, or that id never get better at what i do.
2. for people who draw wings wrong (especially professional people? what’s wrong with you. im begging you to look at a bird)
3. for people and companies that make terrible designs with terrible decisions (they fuel me to do better than them)
4. for people who believe that the only way to be good at art and design is to make overly complex and visually charged, detailed designs with many colors/hues (all my ocs are fairly simple and have the most limited colors kffhk)
im sure there’s a lot more but ive spent a lot of time writing this out already and i cant really think of anything else so i hope this is a good enough answer!!
god i do NOT have enough knowledge for this but what the fuck was up with the volturi lol. like fuckin, vampire goth club over there did nothing to change over hundreds of years, all of them still stuck in their medieval ways. i remember a plot point that was touched upon was that they had a specific person lure in a bunch of lost tourists through the sewer entrance so that the volturi could drink them and like ?? bro. how is this not investigated at any point, ever. like a shit ton of tourists just disappear ??? all the time?? and no one gives a fuck?? no investigation?? what do they do with the bodies?????
also, they were willing to blast the carlisle family into fucking orbit over Turning A Child (tm) into a vampire, but they had absolutely no qualms about vampire wars/soldiers where a lot of people were irresponsibly turned into neophytes for their strength (like jasper) or people who turned others just for the fuck of it or bc theyd have sickass powers (like benjamin. that was the sole reason for benjamin being turned. bc the dude could feel that benj would have cool powers and he absolutely did... he was a fucking avatar. controller of the elements. and he did absolutely jack shit in the books. im still so mad)
but yeah anyway the volturi are big hypocrites. got nothing to say about their lifestyle and aesthetic tho bc italians just be like that
his horns and the spikes on his forearms and tail are rly solid and rly pointy so theyre about as dangerous as a solid, pointy big thing can be
the spikes on his neck and back are a lot softer though. theyre flat scales and are probably bendy, but still sturdy. they don’t have edges or anything so you wont be sliced up if you touch them but touching them is probably not too comfortable
alex would probably be a crocodile tbh! it’s one of the things i based his dragon form off of for the latest iteration, and i just think it fits him a lot (also its funny that crocodiles are water creatures but alex has a Big Dislike of water)
also i literally cannot see adri as anything other than a snake sklhfsdk. its what he is!! this is like asking someone’s favorite color but not letting them choose their actual favorite. do you want me to lie? do you want me to say something not true??
Honestly i always loved deer but refused to acknowledge it, especially to myself, and much less thought about having one as a sona bc “prey animals are lame” was rly prevalent in my circles for the longest time. everyone was a dragon or a wolf etc bc they wanted to be cool and so did i but i never vibed with it
it took me a rly long time to just accept that i rly liked deer haha and i think what made me decide on it in the end was ‘well i can make a deer more monstery if i wanted to, i have that power’ and so i did
then later i tied the whole ‘wrong deer’ aesthetic to my own personal symbolism of always being picked on by many until i got sick of it and learned to stand up for myself. my sona is something that’s not for people to prey on anymore, and so am i c:
honestly? ive never thought about it. im not too knowledgeable about dnd still so i dont think id be able to do them justice
ive thought about making dnd encounters based off of my ocs thought (like, how their powers would work turn/mechanic wise) but if i ever did i dont think id use them or talk about them :’)
jkdg gosh thats so sweet thank you sm!! im so happy you enjoy my stuff :’DDDD
WELL, in no particular order:
1. several glass bottles
2. bei’s pet golem sierra (they got her back though)
3. a knife or two probably
4. an air conditioning remote
5. do sewer rats count? sewer rats. besides all the other rats i mean
6. homeless man who tried to rob his store at gunpoint
7. the gun
8. drank a bottle of cyanide once
9. a motorcycle (as collateral damage)
10. tbh he will eat any creature he finds while walking around that’s small enough to fit in his mouth and no one can rly stop him
DISGOSTING!!! not even bc of the flavor i rly dont care abt that but bc like... warm pineapple... that’s the real crime
oh my gosh that’d be an honor tbh!! I’m not sure if i’d be a big help since i might be tied with school stuff at the time, but id definitely love to try!! ty!!
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Trust Me: Chapter 8
Hello hello hello! Thank you so much for your patience. I hope you enjoy it! <3
Chapter 1 Chapter 7 AO3 Chapter 9
Warnings: A brief mention of the wounds from last chapter’s violence
Author’s Note: The cipher is difficult, but crackable. Consider this a challenge! <3 I linked to it in the fic when it is first received, but here it is as well
Word Count: 2786
Tag List: @ccecode @emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn @ren-allen @ilovemygaydad @bloodropsblog @funsizedgremlin @raygelkitty @roxiefox23 @thomasthesandersengine @spookyingarbageisland @band-be-boss-blog
One Week Later
Patton's living room, 6 pm
"Logan, is there anything you wanted to tell me?" Patton's voice seemed sweet as usual, but Logan knew his sibling too well to miss the icy undertone.
"Nothing comes to mind. Is there something you'd like to hear?" Logan tried to keep his voice even, but the twitch of Patton's mouth made it clear that he had failed.
"What have you been up to lately? I realized that between putting in more hours at the shop and spending so much time with Virgil, we haven't really talked in the last week or so."
"Nothing remarkable. As you know, it is winter break, so I have been catching up on grading. I truly do not understand why some of these students think that what they turned in is remotely acceptable. Especially for this lab, which is worth 10% of their final grade. Do they not care about their education at all?"
"Now, Logan, I'm sure they're trying their best. You don't know what's going on in their lives outside of class, and you should know better than most how outside circumstances can affect someone's work. Is that it, then? Just grading?"
"For the most part. I read The Murder of Roger Ackroyd again, which was as pleasant as always."
Patton sighed, and the smile dropped off their face. "You, dear brother, are a terrible liar. Why did you borrow my car without asking while I was at work yesterday?"
Logan sputtered. "I- I did not- how did you know?"
"I'm not an idiot, Logan, and I'm more observant than you seem to think. Did you really think I wouldn't notice the fact that the odometer went up?"
"It was less than three miles round trip."
"Logan, my car is 63 years old. Every single mile matters. If you paid enough attention to the things I tell you that aren't about killing people, you would have known that. Virgil drove me to and from work; I would have said yes if you'd asked. So what could you possibly need to do within a 1.5 mile radius that required my car without my knowledge?"
Logan took a deep breath and steeled himself for the impending argument. "I required the use of your car to dispose of a body."
Patton's face flashed with anger and betrayal before returning to a neutral, calm expression. "I'll start with the easy question- why couldn't you use your car? Apparently you did all the rest by yourself, and your car is bigger than mine."
"There is a near-infinitesimal chance that someone might have seen him get into my car. The chance is almost indescribably small, but it does exist."
"How long ago?" Patton's voice was cold and harsh as they got off the couch and stood in front of Logan, the light casting a shadow that made them look like a dark angel.
Logan hesitated; he'd never seen them this angry before. "One week ago. I lack your talent for keeping them alive for long."
"One week… my date with Virgil." They scoffed. "And you say you don't feel emotions. Who, pray tell, did you target in your little temper tantrum?"
"It certainly was not an emotional breakdown. You pursued your desires independent of us when you went to the museum with Virgil. I pursued mine in punishing Jason Dean."
"Jason Dean… JD. Logan. Tell me that you did not kidnap, torture, and murder your own student. Was he even 18 yet? What could a CHILD possibly have done to deserve whatever you did to him? I assume it was some of the things I told you even the scum we punished deserved. Liquid nitrogen? Fire? Hydrochloric acid?" Logan flinched at each accusation, but he stood up, closing the height difference and looking Patton in the eyes.
"He was a murderer. He was responsible for the murders of three of his peers. He deserved punishment, and I deserved freedom with my experiments."
"Do you think I'm stupid?" Logan was taken aback by the sudden softness in Patton's voice.
"Of course not, Patton. In your own way, you are brilliant. I have told you this before."
"Don't patronize me. Is there anything else you left out? This is your one chance to get everything out in the open without consequences. I will know if you're lying, and you will regret it if you do."
"I… yes." Logan sighed, knowing full well that they would not hesitate to follow through on their threat. "I sent something to Roman Prince, the journalist who has been covering our kills."
"What, pray tell, did you send?" Logan could tell that their patience was about to snap, but he would not submit. Not this time.
"A note. A cipher. A challenge."
"Oh my god. You're looking for your Poirot, aren't you? I'm not enough? We aren't enough?"
"Patton, you are being absurd. Judging by his writing, this reporter will not be up for the challenge, but perhaps someone else out there can begin to compete with me intellectually, and it would be a welcome change of pace. Regardless, nothing will ever come between us. I fail to see how my search for a worthy intellectual opponent is any different from your burgeoning romance with this Virgil you are always going on about. It is hypocritical in the extreme to seek to satisfy your needs that cannot be fulfilled by our partnership while maintaining that I cannot. I deserve better than that, after all I did for you."
"There's a difference between going out on a few dates and putting us in danger and risking everything trying to prove that you're so much smarter than everyone else. You were reckless and stupid, and I'm disappointed in you. I don't know if we can keep going, if you're going to keep acting like this."
"Surely, you do not mean that. Our work means too much to you. People are only beginning to hear our message. That is truly why I sent that note to the reporter; so he can spread our word even further."
"I told you to stop fucking lying to me!" Patton shouted, raising a hand. Logan flinched, and Patton blanched, realizing what they had been about to do. "You should leave, Logan. I can't even look at you right now. Don't make me act like him." It was clear from their tone that it wasn't a request. Without another word, Logan pushed past them and walked out the door.
Golden Gate Park, 4 pm
Virgil walked onto the crime scene, shocked by the lack of reporters. He was greeted by Captain Sanders, further confusing him.
"Hello, Captain. With all due respect, why are you here? And I'm not complaining by any stretch, but where are all the press vultures?"
"Ah, hello, Virgil! They aren't here because no one knows about the body but the two of us. I found it myself, and called you and Vincent directly. No one but the three of us knows."
"Vincent's here?"
"'Ello, Virgil!" Came an energetic British voice from behind him. Virgil couldn't help but smile.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see you, but what are you doing here?" Virgil let himself be pulled into a hug from the shorter man.
"I have crime scene tech training, and Captain Sanders needed someone he'd be sure wouldn't call the press. And given my history with journalism, well, I know that I talk a lot, but never to the press."
"Remind me to ask for that story later. How long has the body been here?"
"Judging by insect activity, I'd wager about twenty-four hours, but I'll send photos and samples to our entomologist for confirmation once we're done here. Did you know that the first documented case of forensic entomology was in 13th century China, documented in Sun Tzu's book about his work, entitled The Washing Away of Wrongs? He recounted finding a murder victim by noticing the flies that remained on the murder weapon, despite it being cleaned of all blood."
"That is super fascinating, Vincent, but we've got a 2019 crime right here to solve. Do we know anything about the victim?" Virgil asked, putting on gloves.
"The only thing on him was a Mission High School ID- name's Jason Dean, he's a senior." Vincent handed him the ID.
"A kid? That's a huge change in victimology. Have you checked his mouth?"
"Not yet. Just got here a couple minutes before you did. Care to do the honors?"
Virgil sighed. "Not sure how much of an honor it is, but sure." Vincent led him to the body, and he started dictating notes.
"Victim is Jason Dean, per his Mission High School student ID. Whereas previous victims had knife wounds, the victim appears to have extremely severe frostbite, acid burns, and heat burns. No obvious cause of death, although shock seems to be a reasonable option. Opening his mouth now, and there is a paper inside. Same stamp as previous victims- this certainly is our killer. The note says 'killer'. Is the victim a substitute for himself? The profile suggests someone in their late twenties or early thirties. Perhaps something about Jason reminds the killer of himself as a teen. He shows no sign of stopping soon, though. Why kill a proxy now? Revisit profile after autopsy and gathering more information about Jason."
"Interesting analysis, Virgil." Virgil jumped, not having heard the captain walk up behind him. Captain Sanders laughed. "Easy there, it's just me. It looks like you've got this all under control, so I'm going to go back to the station. This change in MO and victimology is concerning, though- get me a written revised profile by the end of the day."
"Yes, sir." Virgil went back to discussing the details of the injuries with Vincent, and Sanders left the scene.
Presidio Heights, 6 pm
With a sigh, Roman forced a key into the ancient lock on his slot in the mailbox unit. He rifled through them as he trudged up the flight of stairs to his apartment, flipping past coupons, ads, and bills, frustrated at how mundane his life had become. He hadn't realized just how monotonous his routine was until he got the opportunity to write those pieces on the Park Puzzler; now life in between them just felt gray. He knew that having another chance to write about the killer meant someone else would have to die, so he didn't hope for that, but the thrill of a real story left him hungry for more adventure. Which is why his heart stopped when he found an envelope with no address or postage, just his name.
He ran up the rest of the stairs and unlocked his door as quickly as possible, throwing the rest of the mail on his coffee table. The pile let out an irritated meow.
"I'm so sorry, Meeko, my love! But this looks to be quite the mysterious delivery. Can you smell the adventure?" Roman freed his cat from the pile of papers and scratched under his chin. Meeko let out a small chirp, which Roman understood as forgiveness.
Turning back to the envelope, he was truly at a loss for words. The envelope was made out of cardstock, and the only writing on it was his name in big, black letters. He carefully took a picture of it before turning it over and opening it. Inside was a note. Once again, he took a picture of it before calling his boss.
"What is it, Prince? You're off the clock."
"I just got a note that claims to have been sent by the Park Puzzler."
"The serial killer?"
"Yes, sir. The note looks like it's in some kind of code, and it says I should publish it. What should I do?"
"The journalist in me says yes- it's a hell of a story. But this is a very public active case, and I don't want you charged with obstruction of justice. Take pictures of it, and then take it to the cops."
"I already took pictures- consider me on the way to the station now." Roman threw his jacket back on and left for the station.
Richmond Station, 20 Minutes Later
"Detective Mason, it's Roman Prince here to see you." Virgil looked up from his profile write-up to see a beat cop whose name he couldn't remember nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot.
"Roman Prince… oh. The journalist. Did he say what he wants?"
"Wouldn't give me details- he just said that it has to do with that serial killer case you're working."
Virgil fought to not roll his eyes. "Okay, send him over here."
"Will do." The officer all but ran away, quickly returning with Roman in tow.
"Hello Prince. Rumor has it you have something for me." Virgil said, feigning boredom.
"Not quite. I have something that was delivered to me that might be of interest to you." Virgil's interest was piqued.
"If it's half as important as you seem to think it is, it is evidence, and therefore will be mine shortly."
"Hang on, Surly Temple. Before I show you anything, I need you to promise me exclusive rights to this. It was given to me, out of all the journalists in the city, by the Park Puzzler, after all."
"Don't call him that. Public attention is his goal, and giving him a name like that only validates him. But fine. If this is something important, you will be given SFPD's permission to write about it once we've decided the best course to do so." Maybe I can make this work in our favor. He's so desperate to get a big story, I'm sure we can use him to say what we want, not what the killer does, Virgil mused.
"Fantastic! Here it is. It was in my mailbox when I checked the mail about half an hour ago." Roman handed him the envelope.
"When was the last time you checked your mail?" Virgil asked.
"Yesterday at around 6 o'clock. I check it at about the same time every day."
"Good. Patterns are good," Virgil muttered to himself. He put gloves on before taking the envelope from him. He pulled the piece of paper out of the envelope and read it. "Come with me, Roman. We need to talk to my captain right now." He stood up and started walking; Roman hurried after him.
When they got to the captain's office, Virgil didn't even knock.
"Captain, you need to see this. This journalist says this was left in his mailbox at some point in the last 24 hours." Virgil handed him the note.
Sanders went pale. "What is this?"
"I'm confident it's a cypher of some sort. He's getting desperate, Captain. He hasn't been getting the attention he wants, so he's reaching out to the media directly."
"So why code it?" Roman interjected. "If he wants to use me to send a message, why make it one people won't understand?"
"That's a really good question. What's your name, and who are you writing for?" Sanders asked.
"Roman Prince with SFGate."
"Ah, Humphrey's crew. Well, Virgil? Why is it coded?"
"He doesn't just want attention. He's telling us that he's smarter than we are- publishing this code is a challenge for someone to decode it. Not unlike the Zodiac killer."
"So what do you suggest we do about it? I'm not inclined to do what he wants us to."
"If we don't give him some attention, he will escalate, and with the combination of his recent change of MO and victimology and reaching out to Roman directly, I don't want to know what his next escalation would be if we just ignore it."
"So you're going to let me publish it?" Virgil fought to not roll his eyes at Roman's excitement.
"Not yet. Give me 24 hours to crack it. I already have a couple of ideas. If we can prove that I'm smarter than he is, he will reach out to me, and we can use that connection to catch him. He's almost as smart as he is arrogant, and that's the rope he's going to hang himself on." Virgil made eye contact with the Captain, almost pleading.
"Ooh, I like that phrase. I'm totally going to use that." Roman broke the tense silence that had fallen.
"Okay, Virgil. Roman, meet us both here at 7 pm tomorrow. We'll regroup from there. Virgil, godspeed." He handed Virgil the note.
"Thank you sir. Roman, you can see yourself out, right? I have to get to work."
The two young men left the office, heads swimming with ideas and plans.
#ts fanfic#sanders sides fanfiction#virgil sanders#logan sanders#roman sanders#patton sanders#sanders sides#human au#serial killer au#my writing#trust me
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To the anon who doubted my identity
To the anon who doubted my identity:
Unfortunately, my job does not require me to carry “doctor bags.” Maybe doctors in other countries are different, but I have never seen a physician carry the kind of doctor bags you see in the children’s books from 1800s in the U.S. or in the country I’m at right now. Occasionally, when I’m sent to the field, I’m expected to carry the medical equipment used at the scene, yes; but even then, I don’t carry a bag per se. Perhaps you were confusing physicians with paramedics or EMTs who carry EMS (Emergency Medical Service) bags?
Regarding my credentials: If you google “USMLE,” which stands for United States Medical Licensing Examination (aka the series of tests you have to take as a U.S. medical student or a foreign medical school graduate to attain the rights to practice medicine in the U.S.), the first result you see will redirect you to their official site www(.)usmle(.)org. If you were to click on “Application & Fees” section, it will direct you to a page with login options that vary depend on the country of your medical school and the exam you’re taking. Since this is the process/organization that every physician must go through to practice medicine in the U.S., I cannot think of anything else that can validate my identity more. I will send private messages to JD with further details of how to login to my “application” portal, which contains the record of everything regarding my medical education and training. Yes, I trust JD that much to reveal everything about myself; however, I’m afraid I cannot disclose my ID and password on a public forum, especially after my anonymity was compromised.
I hope my impression of your doubt was a misinterpretation on my part; if it weren’t, then I certainly hope it was an innocent query; if it were neither, I do have some guesses as to what potential motives behind that question may have been and I will preemptively respond to them.
Perhaps the idea of a 20-something-year-old woman of color who just happens to be a doctor as a daughter of a doctor, who just happens to be religious as a granddaughter of a pastor, who just happens to have military connections as a granddaughter of a veteran, who just happens to have went through some similar circumstances to BOTH Harry and Ms. Markle, who just happens to give up what she could to help a man she will never meet seems unbelievable to you; but I’m very much real, I assure you that. I may have been extremely careful with the wordings of my submissions, but they were nevertheless true. In fact, I refrained from mentioning the very details that would come across even more doubtful to protect my anonymity.
To clarify, the reason I mentioned the qualities above was to illustrate the fact that even the most odd “consequences” are possible. All sorts of goodness and evil exist in this world, and people and words are like objects in the ocean: trash floats; treasures sink. Just because good-hearted people and genuine kindness are hard to come by doesn’t mean they don’t exist; and just because the type of love you seek has eluded you until now doesn’t mean you have to compromise on the way you deserve to be loved. Belated answers to your prayers are God’s way of telling you to be patient; to pay attention to Him instead of the bleak situation before you; because if He were to answer your prayers before you wait upon the Lord, you will focus on PEOPLE instead of HIM; and while your soulmate and your guardian angels are good souls, they’re still human beings with flaws; so you will end up destroying the very things you have so desperately prayed for. Now, with an assurance that it’s just a matter of time before God will answer your prayers and the knowledge of endless possibilities, why should Harry settle?
There IS a woman God has set out for Harry; he deserves better than to be “loved” conditionally; like everyone else, he has the right to be loved unconditionally. Before accusations that somehow I’M coveting Harry for myself start, please allow me to remind you of three very important facts:
#1. I’m not delusional or foolish enough to believe that shared experiences with public figures somehow is a sign that I’m “destined” to be with them. If that were the case, Ms. Markle would just be valid as a soulmate as Harry (no, I’m not a lesbian. I’m just making a point). While I don’t know why God gave both of us similar sufferings, I think it may have been His way of reminding me that even those who seem to have it all suffer heartbreaks and that I shouldn’t be quick to judge someone based on their worldly possessions without knowing the trials of their lives; and it may have been His way of helping Harry to empathize with the members of the public who’s been through similar circumstances and humble himself before the Lord.
#2. I’ve never met Harry. I cannot desire someone I’ve never met or communicated with unless I’m looking at him through the lenses of the media; viewing him in such a manner would make me no better than Ms. Markle, whom I’m critical of, and therefore, would make me a hypocrite. In addition, I’m not foolish enough to chase after gold and glitter when my own family was torn apart from greed; and I don’t need titles when I’ve earned my own.
#3. If I truly wanted Harry for superficial reasons, I would have bothered to travel to the U.K. at least once. While I cannot and will not open up my passport to prove that I have never been there, God knows I’ve never set a foot in the U.K. Even if I had an official reason to visit the U.K., we wouldn’t have met. I’m not the sort of person who frequents bars or social scenes. I’m the sort of an oddball who prefers to walk in the rain without an umbrella sober. Even on extremely rare occasions I do drink, I prefer to share a drink with a close friend on a couch while gossiping as the TV shows drone on in the background. With my habits, I’m not someone who would have “sort of tripped and fell” into Harry’s life.
I would also like to refresh your memory to numerous statements I’ve made regarding my stance on love: while I genuinely wish Harry and others would experience the kind of pure love that brings tears to one’s eyes, relationships are not for me. I just can’t face opening up myself up to love only to be heartbroken again.
All in all, I’m not helping Harry out of selfish desires. I’m TRYING to help Harry, because I’ve been where he was and is; I know how lonely it can be in such a position, and all I want to do is make sure SOME people are not making it worse. God is wonderful, because in the process of trying to help him, I’ve been healed as well. Even if Harry never read my writing, the fact that someone else found healing through my words gave me a sense of vindication that my tears weren’t shed in vain. I’ve gotten closer to God through this journey and I’m a stronger person because of it. In short, this experience of writing to defend Harry has made me a better person.
Special thanks to @c-oster123 @auroora81 @skippyisheretostay @sqinternet @420barbi @larky and many others for supportive messages. I will always be around.
-Roseberrycupcakes (RCC)
Thank you roseberrycupcakes, this is wonderful 💖💖💐💋
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I was wondering if any [past or present] Jonerys, Pro-Daenerys fans like myself feel this way.....?
Firstly Id say please be nice i just enjoy analyzing the shit out of fandoms I like, (im a history/polysci major ((with an emphasis on Peace Justice and & Conflict Studies)) all i do is analyze and try to be diplomatic lmao) but considering all they petty drama between both ships as well as pro/anti Daenerys stans ON BOTH SIDES I’m going to be “That Person” and at least ask for people to be respectful/civil, I want to hear from everyone and their metas/what they think which is why i tagged like, all the tags, no matter if you love her/the ship or cant stand it, as long as everyone can keep civil
So firstly I’ve loved Dany both books and show from the beginning. She’s gorgeous, wants to be the best person she can be, and her hair/fashion style game is always ON POINT. That being said, somewhere around season 5 i think i’ve found my opinion on her cooling a little bit, ep after ep, till now. Like I still like her bc she was my first character love on the show but I’ve def soured in my opinion on her. Maybe it’s because I love learning about the subject that im more baised (im hoping thats the case) but she just seemed to have no interest in actual governance, just the reputation (esp of being the ‘rebel queen’)/the awe/the power/the thrill of the adoration that went along with it to the point where I feel like though she still wants to be a ‘good queen’ or at least wants to be seen that way, she doesnt want to do much work for the title. Like yeah she freed all the slaves and that was a def progressive and awesome move on her part (major props! slavery is sin and im glad someone recognized that who had the power to do something about it) but she didnt handle that aftermath or ensuing problems well at all nor really mulled heavily on the subject to find the best solution. She just got fustrated with pretty basic/common (albeit complex in themselves) issues of standard governance and kind of went agh! fuck this! (obv not actual quotes but that was the vibe I got). And then ESPECIALLY after season 7 her character has kind of nagged at me in the back of brain which i hate but its inherent like its just a feeling i cant help it?? I just dont know why to be honest that Im feeling so negative towards this character i used to love. The whole ‘ bEnD thE knEe ‘ thing w/ Jon and yet pinning it on Jon’s pride not equally on his and her own was more than a little hypocritical, when hon they can discuss it later like at that point they have two common enemies the WW and Cersei they both want to do away with, and then again with the Bend the Knee or Die bit w/ the Lannister soldiers. In fact the whole sequence before that point felt kind of villinous I dearsay, I mean deliberately burning the harvest that most of westeros needs for the winter or even strategically not willing to try, and well, nOOt intentionally burn the food considering its winter, the harvest is over (so likely not much is gonna grow in the time being) when she has a G I A N T ass army of her own to think of feeding???? Like i get it is war shit happens soldiers die but the F O O D ? Was that an impuslive in the moment mistake or did she just not give a fuck? And back to the aftermath scene/Bend the Knee 2.0, her speech was again quite hypocritical...and burning dickon?????? not willing to keep prisoners???? either bend or die??? I actually am glad she did away with Papa Tarly bc he was an awful human, but dickon????? a young idealistic man about to loose his father??? the heir to a major ally/house???? And honestly that bend or die strategy is soooooo dumb bc now she cant trust any of them like theyre only bending the knee out of self preservation homie, no one wants to die. they bend the knee to survive and now they all of the sudden think youre their queen? Nah fam, prisoners were better, all you got are spies in your camps or people willing to backstab you at the smallest promise of coin. And i dont want that for my girl
IDK the whole “im gonna BREAK THE WHEEL,,,,,,,,yet im stating my claim mainly on my housename (aka the predominant force of said wheel for a literal dynasty) and the fact that i can scare people who otherwise are unconvinced bc lets be real westeros has had a bad run of rulers a lot of which were Targs in the past couple decades, into submission bc ill burn you otherwise???” doesnt sit well with me nor does it feel like the character ive been rooting for the past five-ish seasons. She just doesnt seem to put into effort on understanding Westeros, why things go wrong, being self-critical or sharing the blame,thinking on what a “good” ruler would do.... anyone else feeling this way and if so do you think this is just shitty writing? D&D butchering her character? or a new arc for her? perhaps the way shes always been? She just seems like a tantruming child bratty and entitled idk (a beautiful child but still)
As for jonerys...... im not gonna go into it much but how are other shippers happy????????? I honestly dont understand. I was SO looking forward to this season/this ship. like so much! But it felt so forced? And i know a lot of people claim its cause its rushed but tbh we’ve had a lot of romances in a similar time frame that felt like A C T U A L romances.....even Talisa/Robb who the Northerners will prob compare any of this too were so much better. THIS WAS MY EPIC SHIP DUDE. I feel the dany side of things (took a while but theres def heart eyes) and yet Jon???? He felt hollow. Still does even after sex. Im so disapointed but more than that I cant see the romance or the chemistry. He looks constipated. Hes never smiled like with his teeth around her the way hes done w others he cares deepily about (ygritte, toramund, sansa, even fkin gendry in the first scene they had together). He never reveals anything about himself. And between the “my queen” ep (and remember he was look warm when discussing her to toramund throughout it) and the previous the only thing that changed was that he saw the actual difference dragons made against WW. You could argue she saved them all too but that doesnt make you fall in love w someone out of the blue and also people have saved his ass before and??? Sansa w the vale anyone??? (Not an argument for jonsa js its happened) (though ill admit ive transitioned to loathing jonerys and loving jonsa more as a potential couple in the space of seven eps where if you asked me I wouldve been like PSH u cray. I never thought it would happen in a mill years but D&D ruined my ship and here i am! Shipping aside tho since its best too look at these things as neutral as possible). Anyways the sigh of his after she left and when he pretended to be asleep.... idk. The only scene that felt genuine and where Jon smiled and it didnt look like a full on grimace and they actually kinda joked around was really nice and at the pit at the finale and if they do a LOT more of basic romance stuff like that I could ship it again but. It was followed by boatsex and boy.
I was hoping boatsex might rekindle my like for the two together. I could see the chemistry the passion. I was hoping the passion would overwhelm me and make up for the rest. But instead......like there was no foreplay, it lasted 2 seconds, and it was overplayed by brans voice and a reminder of future conflict or at the very least major angst b/w the two. i didnt see the parallel between regear and lyanna playing alongside their scene as anything romantic or that it should be taken as such. and the look they shared.... I was hoping jon would bring it bc Dany’s look in her eyes is like soooo smitten and adorable and say what you will I still have a space in my heart for her and still dont want her to suffer, but again Jon looks like oh shit/constipated. And not in a good oh shit way either.
There is a bunch more too but Imma stop there bc Im just tired at this point.
So many things were just....off this season. And it cant all be blamed on the “rushed” time frame. I’ve read the undercover lover theory and hon it makes the most sense (not perfect sense but still, more than what we’ve been poorly spoon fed) but im not willing to believe it just yet. Still, maybe D&D are just butchering a lot of things like making the romance believable and stuff for the sake of time that could be true i guess. But they like to go AHA GOT U so
Idk I dont find a lot of meta in the jonerys tag bc honestly (((((i think its bc the tag and ship are more popular and theirs more people both good and bad)))) it doesnt seem like snowballing theories is something all fans take really well in the tag at all. But whatever. I really want to know, is there any meta or theories im missing to either validate the icky feeling Im haveing about D or her “romance” or on the flipside anything that might make me change my mind about it? Theories, meta people!
I just want to reiderate im not trying to hate on anyone or any point of view and I will flag any comment anti one ship or person or another if its plain hateful or rude. I just want to understand it and see what Im missing, esp because of how much I was looking forward to her arc and jonerys’ dynamic and how much the words “falling short” dont seem to cover it. And to see if im not the only one to either have critique on the ship or her character [or even actually change ships]
Also i apologize for how much ive said “IDK” i just..... I DONT KNOW
#this was way longer and is so rantish but#i might delete this later#depending on if i get hate for 'daring' to be critical#for now tho help a girl out? tel me your opinion? thx#jonsa#anti-jonsa#anti-jonerys#daenerys targaryen#anti-daenerys#plz be nice to eachother or just dont interact at all i just like knowing every side of things#and i feel like theres a side im missing or something im missing#i have a lot of feelings
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I had 4 Asian Cuisine restaurants in NYC I trusted to send girls home through.
In Iraq we used Mother Teresa.
In NYC I used the Chinese Outlets. So I'm very particular that y'all would abuse them. Most had came to the USA for a better life, made one and found that Americans had it worse thsn they did! And wanted to help. Some were kidnapped themselves, like by Jane's place.
So, anyone ridiculing the Chinese With violence or harassment needs to be arrested and dealt with appropriately.
In Texas I used local news media and lawyers.
In Alabama where i first started. I designed Al Qeada. Then used Mother Teresa to go at a faster pace while Al Qaeda learned the ropes in order to help her get people returned faster to keep all the bunkers empty throughout Iraq, Iran, Isreal, Egypt and all the ones we could reach. Together they acoomplished that.
So it was easy to empty The USSR 3 years later. Our system was fool proof. And good.
Unfortunately the USA and the qE2 teamed up again and imprisoned the real Queen of England you see today from 1991 to 2002. Then off and on until 2008 when Saint Luches "kidnapped her" with permission from then Princes William and Harry and herself and along with my crying pleas to protect her. All part of a sting to help escalate the 31200 factory deals and release some of the Abu from Iraq and Iran and the Chinese from the United States.
In Oklahoma I used the citizens of Okmulgee. The teachers at Preston which then shared information with the state to educate children of stranger,danger and teens of how to get safe jobs
By then I knew it was pointless to evacuate and kill and fight. I had to prevent and protect and work deals and negotiate wkth terrorists.
1. Alabama
2. NYC
3. Texas
4. Florida
5. Oklahoma
6. New Mexico
I wrote out of order. But this was my chronological order of operations.
After NYC i stayed above ground mostly. Those nights with Jane and Lily taught me that may be i was too young. That may be i did have a lot of growing to do.
But my heart craves those streets and the brisk walks In the cold nights.
I know staying off them has kept me alive.
So Jane and Lily stayed in those streets working and helping. And they're alive too. And they had each other and a constant working team
Which i have never had.
But in between living a normal life, and growing up... I had those meetings with terrorists. Being kidnapped in different ways. Being tortured in other ways.
Do i have regrets? Every day.
But what is most important is to keep on working. Keep on fighting. And just keeping on.
One thing that's best for me right now is i found my lifelong goal. I didn't ever know what it was. No job ever seemed right. I was always dissatisfied with options.
Would i be an amazing lawyer or doctor? Hell yes!
But my soul still felt empty with those options.
I remember in high school, graduation... "What's your goal in college?"
What the fuck? Who? What? Why? Such an absurdity that it made me viciously angry, full of hate at the world
Not because I didn't know what i wanted to do or know how but because it wasn't an option
Where was the box that said put a check here for something real like "World Peace" or "Make a difference worth keeping" or anything related to reality.
Sure be rich be a doctor. Save lives. You habe no idea how pointless that made me feel.
Be a lawyer. Sure hate myself and be a hypocrite because I can't remember anything worth a shit in the world that ive ever done. And have all the money in the world. Pointless.
So many options full of shit.
But now I have the ability to give people options. And i guess that's all i ever wanted to do. Free people and make super heroes of regular people in the world.
That's all i ever wanted to do. And it makes me feel safe and warm and cuddled in the corner of the world that is mine.
So i am grateful for all those that care and understand what i am feeling, the frustrations I have felt. Even if you don't feel it yourself but you understand.
I hope you will all be our super heroes of the World.
So stand up for someone that your intuition and intelligence says is being bullied.
Stand up to someone your intuition and intellect is telling you is bullying someone.
And if you can't tell the difference, find an older person in your neighbor hood or a younger person and explain to them fully what your eyes saw and your brain said and why and when.
And you'll both grow to be the greatest suoer heroes of all.
And sometimes you may feel you're not exactly understood. And you may not be. So ask someone else.
Like me, I prefer some one mean to talk to. Because I feel they know a lot. And they are suffering inside. They don't want to let down walls to trust anyone, because they have Seen too much pain and hurt.
And that is the type of person i need to talk to. Someone with real pain.
Like Saint Luches "fuck off I don't want to talk to you" he would always say that in 2008
Because i would make him cry. Everytime. Id ask him very difficult and tough questions. Tell him thank you and have my forehead wrinkled continued to work.
And he would cry. Because I cared. Not pretend to care So I could back stab him. But to help him.
A couple times he thought I was backstabbing him. And he accused me of it. So I would explain to him the web I had been caught in and how I was working to get out of it.
But because they believed what they wanted to, they went running their mouths.
So I let him in my laptop computer. Told him to look at all my documents. How I labeled them and what I would do with them.
And that is when he began to smile
He never took a break like me. Never lived ws a "normal" child.
Since 1985 hes been working everyday to stop human trafficking.
Everyday. Every single day.
I want to say i haven't. But the mental anguish i have suffered and the "normal life" is so that I could help the people coming out now to learn about how the rest of the world works
Although it never had worked for me, I always felt a mysterious place in the world needed m3 that I could never find nor define... I know how it works.
William and Harry have felt they had to leave the Kingdom to see how it is as well.
So while I quit the work and i changed my ways during it.
Its So it could all lead to this point here.
Channel KOAT news camera men being beat up multiple times while trying to document evacuations. (KRQE gave him a coat so he's safer. Yay!)
And that. Just that right there. Competitive news channels helping each other.
I mean world peace? Will it ever exist?
Yes. How can it not?
United We Stand.
Doing different things for the same goal.
Freedom. Sanity. Love. Friendship. Trust.
And more. The military offered him a camouflage jacket. But he understood he was there to be an alternative to the military and police due to their corruption. So he rejected their offer. Although it would saved him from a few more black eyes.
So the military asked KRQE and without hesitation, gave KOAT a jacket to use. Not due to fear, but kindness. And compassion.
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Ive been staring at this blank page for an hour now. I haven’t written a shred of anything in close to a year, but I feel like the current set of circumstances right now dictate it. Hermes guides me. I haven’t even written a draft by hand like I normally do, Im just letting this come out and it feels great.
The last two, maybe even three years of my strange trip on this planet have been such a surreal high paced blur. Ive come to realize that I do too much in too short a time, too many places visited, people met, things done in the dead of night and the overwhelming heat of the day. A few strings busted, a few hearts broken. Nothing out of the ordinary except the fact that my address is still changing every month and I’m still getting lost daily, both in reality and in my mind. Not that I’d change it for the world.
I don’t even know who exactly reads this garbage but if you still are, know this is going to be a long one. Ive got a lot on my mind, time is on my side and there’s nowhere I need to be.
Everyday in the Caribbean is incredibly hot and sticky. Every night is mysterious and romantic.
Writing this is simultaneously difficult and surprisingly easy. Its difficult to explain whats been shredding through my head the last few months or however bloody long. Since I last attempted to write, if you can call it that, Ive since been through a serious and drama filled breakup with my long term girlfriend back home, been to seven countries including South Africa ( more on that later ), morphed back into the older Joshua Palmer and basically been running a permanent anarchic riot around the world. As I write now, its once again a hot day in the Bahamas and my head is still swirling with Ricardo Black Rum from the previous night. Special Edition, of course.
Church of the Open Sky.
April 5 - April 26, three weeks back in the motherland after more than a year and a half overseas. A lot of expectations held, almost none of them met. Im not quite sure why, but looking back now in June I realize i didn’t enjoy my stay there at all. Highlights include seeing my parents again (they wept) and one or two close friends who I’m not even sure are still friends at this stage. I came to realize I hate most of the people that fill up my tiny coastal hometown, largely due to the fact that they’re all hypocritical judgmental small minded people who have never been anywhere farther than the gas station in the next town. Keep in mind that these are the same people that said I’d never amount to anything and Id be back home after a month of failed traveling searching for a job running a yacht. Choke on your words.
Anyhow, I also got told numerous times that I’d changed completely, becoming much more ‘arrogant’, ‘rude’, ‘insensitive’ etc to the people around me. I suppose in a way I was, but then everyone back in that place is easily offended and so narrow minded it makes me want to shoot myself. I suppose Im much happier over here, on my own and fending for myself, in foreign countries where I don’t know anyone, and all I know is where North-East is. The entire time I was back there, I couldn’t wait to come back to the West Indies. It feels good getting these thoughts down, they’ve been bouncing around my head for too long now.
I was dancing with some girl in a club a month or two ago and in-between reggaetron and soca she asked me a question no one has ever asked before: “Where do you consider home?”
I really don’t know. Definitely not back in my hometown, I don’t plan on setting foot in that place for another twenty years at least. Its not on the boat either, nor on any of the islands. Id have to say home is wherever I feel alive the most. Which just so happens to be fifteen feet underwater looking up.
May 4 - Twentieth birthday in Georgetown, Exumas, Bahamas. Largely uneventful, frankly boring and unsatisfying. Mind you I was working at the time so of course the celebrations were minimal to non existent.
January 2017 - Current.
Adopted really strange sleeping patterns similar to a Russian insomniac writer fighting his bouts of suicidal depression with vodka and pharmaceuticals. I don’t know what this stems from other than my erratic lifestyle of mainly working onboard the entire day and still getting drunk at local bars into the early hours of every new day.
Right now its summer and every heat wave day is longer than the last.
I have lost interest in a lot of people who I once thought important. I do not know if this is selfish on my part or all just part of moving around constantly, or just one of those things you deal with as you get older. I have been told numerous times that I’m not going to make it past thirty, and for some reason or other I’m embracing the thought. Go out in a strange and mysterious accident of sorts somewhere out at sea, that place that once gave birth to me. Ill let you know.
For the past few weeks I have also had these increasingly frequent urges to just pack up, delete my Facebook and go completely off the grid, getting lost in strange and exotic foreign places. Lawrence of Arabia in Morocco. Not knowing the unknown is turning me on more and more everyday, as well as the idea of just giving the finger to all the people back home who are getting married young, stuck in nine-to-fives that they hate, and coming home to deal with the mortgage and car insurance people. I left the country the first time with no actual plan, one bag and sixty dollars in my pocket and I don’t regret a single moment. And I don't mean all those cliche travel pictures and utter bullshit you see on social media telling you to just ‘pack up and go’, I mean actually deserting myself. Exile on Main St. Highway Child. Midnight Rambler.
The lust for this has never been greater. I keep asking myself just what is holding me back?
My biggest fear is living a life just like everyone else, a life that no one remembers. Why should I listen to any authority or second guess myself? Time will tell and hopefully sooner or later.
And if I’m not mistaken, and I surely hope not, I may have found someone to do it with. A woman unlike anyone else Ive met or ever known before. A woman who, somehow exceeds everything I think about her constantly and is basically the exact fibre of my dream girl since I was fifteen. Physically outrageous, a beautiful figure. Mentally, she keeps me on my toes only because I hope to somehow match her standards. Well travelled and with such an eerily alike mind to my own its more than possible we were once together in an earlier life. My best efforts of a description is a glorious hybrid of a gypsy, voodoo witch, mermaid, and the Goddess Aphrodite all in one. With a sprinkling of a rebellious 1960’s mindset which only turns me on further. Making love to her only broke my mind in two and made me question everything. She’s everything I ever wanted from every rock and roll song Ive listened to, and she’s in all of them. And believe it or not I only knew her for three days before she flew off again, once more traveling. While Im starting to feel a little stuck in this place. Most would say Im crazy, but I already knew that.
I do wonder what, and how exactly she’s had such an effect on me. It makes me look back at every other girl I’ve ever been with and realize that they do not even come close to her or the psycho-electric effect she has on me. And if you know me, you’d know I dont feel like this to anyone, ever. She’s touched me deep down, and the next few months or years or whatever only promise to be very exciting.
Im trying, and not succeeding very well, to look back at everything over the past few months and years, if you couldn’t tell by now. How many people did I meet for five minutes and never see again? Friends or lovers for one night and then gone the next day never to be seen? I look at what all my ‘friends’ are doing back home, studying in their first or second year. My best friend living with his fiancee and hating every second, constant fighting and the such but too scared to leave because he believes he loves her and well, believes he cant do any better. In love with the security and constant hard work I suppose. A friend through the grapevine told me recently that he has lost respect for me and hates the lifestyle I live. I wont lie and tell you I wasn’t hurt or taken aback. We’ve spent four years together, done much, and always confided in one another. Is he jealous of the knowledge that Im traveling the world, free and easy, able to go to the bar every night and dance with exotic girls while he is forced to come home after work to a nagging unloving bitch that makes his life hell? He would never admit that. Im not scared to tell it exactly how it is though. Another trait passed on to me from my father, whom I miss so.
If I had never made the decision to leave all those months ago would I be in the same position as my friend right now? Maybe. More than likely, I was in a long term relationship with someone I thought I loved, about to get sucked into that domesticated world before I jumped ship. Haven’t seen her since actually. Thanks for the memories girl, but you weren’t for me.
Life would be very different and it would bore me to death. I prefer dying in other ways in places where no one understands English.
Now my thoughts go back to my unbiological sister, we once were very close. Always looking after one another, often mistaken to be a couple but not. I thought I was in love with her too, but she’s changed so dramatically in the time I was away I hardly recognized her anymore during my homecoming visit. She lied to me many times in those three weeks, thinking I wouldn’t find out, and probably still thinking Im ignorant. Makes me wonder why we are like we are. She told me I changed a lot too and I’m no longer the Josh she knew, that I’ve grown cold and distant. Well look at yourself babe, can you really blame me? Its only further cemented my belief that you need to keep moving forward in such a way that they will never trap you or hold you down, until finally you find someone that you want to be trapped with. You know who you are.
“I thought you needed my lovin’,
But it’s my heart that you stole.
I thought you wanted my money,
But you plundered my soul.”
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bold what applies to you
I can’t sleep if my hair isn’t up.
When I go to the bathroom at other people’s houses, I always lock the door.
Girl Scout cookies are my favorite.
I wish Subway had a delivery service.
I get offended really easily about certain things.
It’s hard to make me feel guilty.
I always need to be reassured.
If I care about someone, I’ll basically forgive them for anything.
I probably change my handwriting once a year.
I’m really worried about something.
I’m afraid I’m gonna get a horrible score on the ACT.
I’m afraid I’m gonna get a horrible score on the SAT.
I overreact about everything.
I let people walk all over me. I’m so bad at standing up for myself.
I don’t like being sick in general, but the part I hate most is having a sore throat.
I’m one of those annoying people who blows their nose ALL THE TIME.
If I’m outside I’d rather be hot than cold.
If I’m inside, I’d rather be cold than hot.
I have lots of clothes that don’t fit me, but I’m keeping them for some reason.
There’s a couple stores that I LOVE but I don’t have the money to shop there.
I barely ever go to the mall unless I have money to spend.
I secretly hate getting close to people because I know that they can hurt me.
I like All Time Low’s older music, I don’t like a lot of their new stuff.
I’ve never been to a real concert.
I’ve been to lots of local shows.
I’m not someone who likes a ton of attention, but there’s a certain person who I wish would pay more attention to me.
I’m thinking about changing my hair color.
I haven’t been under the influence of anything this month so far.
I’m very interested in psychology.
I don’t want to go to college, but I’m more than likely going to go.
I have NO IDEA where I’m going in life, and if I actually take time to think about it, it scares me.
I wanna see Alice In Wonderland!
Lately I’ve had a “Whatever happens, happens” kind of attitude and I feel a lot better.
I hate those days where EVERYTHING reminds me of someone.
I’m starting to not care about something that I used to care a lot about.
I haven’t had a birthday party in a really long time.
My parents are divorced.
I can’t stand it when people think they’re “more important” than someone or something.
I listen to the biggest variety of music.
I want an unusual pet.
I’ve always kinda wanted to dye my hair where it’s a different color underneath.
I’m too overemotional for my own good.
I cry about everything.
I never check my e-mail any more.
I’m supposed to be doing something else right now.
When I was younger, I definitely had a favorite parent.
Now, I don’t have a favorite parent.
I love certain members of my family, and then there are certain members of my family I can’t stand.
I love it when I make a negative judgement about someone and I find out I was completely wrong.
I can’t decide how I want to get my hair cut.
I’m HORRIBLE at making up my mind. I’m probably the most indecisive person you’ll ever meet.
I only like Red Bull with Vodka.
I hate those flavored Smirnoff coolers.
I hate it when people put me on the spot about something that makes me uncomfortable.
I’m very self-conscious, and it’s pretty obvious.
I love talking to someone who I haven’t talked to in a long time and I find out that they’re exactly the same.
I’m kinda worried that I’ll never get my license.
I can’t drive a stick-shift car, no matter how hard I try.
I’m an impatient person, but I don’t like people who are impatient with me. I guess I’m a hypocrite.
The only time I feel good about myself is when I’m skinny.
I absolutely love pickles.
I don’t care about spelling and grammar as long as isn’t TOO bad.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’d DIE without music, but I’d be miserable without it.
Growing up, my dad was always the “cooler” parent.
I love little kids!
I really need to work up the motivation to go on a diet and lose weight.
I don’t approve of abortion at all, but I still think it should be legal.
I don’t think bright yellow looks good on anyone.
If it snows more this year, I’m gonna go crazy.
I haven’t been on a real vacation in more than 7 years.
I say the words “like” a lot without even realizing it.
I remember exactly what I was doing a year ago today, and I miss it.
I feel so much better about myself when I’m tan.
I’ve always hated eating in front of other people.
I’ve dated someone more than 5 years older than me.
My cat always decides to sleep on my black clothes and She gets hair all over them.
I have this one article of clothing that I loved so much I bought a bunch of them in different colors.
I am a perfectionist.
I am an only child.
I am Catholic.
I am currently in my PJs.
I am currently pregnant.
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to Facebook.
I’m shy around the opposite sex.
I bite my nails.
I currently regret something I have done.
When I get mad I curse.
I don’t like anyone.
I enjoy country music.
I enjoy jazz music.
I have a car.
I have a cellphone.
I have a pet.
I have at least one brother or sister.
I have been to another country.
I have been told that I’m smart.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
I have had a broken bone.
I have caller ID on my phone.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have had surgery.
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have had the cops called on me.
I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.
I have mood swings.
I have rejected someone before.
I have seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I have watched Sex In The City.
I like Shakespeare.
I love to cook.
I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop.
I miss someone right now.
I own over 100 CDs.
I own over 100 DVDs.
I own and use a library card.
I practice a religion that is not considered mainstream.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
I sleep a lot during the day.
I strongly dislike math.
I think Britney Spears was pretty.
I will try ALMOST anything once.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I can name all seven dwarfs in Snow White.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I am currently waiting for someone.
I lost contact with someone.
I hate Miley Cyrus.
I think Party In The USA is catchy.
I’d date Harry Potter.
I can name all the past presidents of the United States.
I know who was president before George Bush.
I need the internet to live.
I prefer vanilla over chocolate.
I watched Star Trek.
I watched all six movies of Star Wars.
I only watched a couple.
I own an Xbox.
I think music is life.
I’m texting a member of the opposite sex right now.
I’m listening to Jaaaason Derulooooo atm.
I usually don’t take these bolding surveys.
But anything to keep me from doing my homework.
I had a really good weekend.
I saw many wonderful faces.
I’ve gotten Starbucks within the past week.
I hate when a parent uses the whole ‘just because all your friends are doing it doesn’t mean you have to…’
I already went to prom.
I had/have a date for prom.
We’re going as friends.
My prom group is/was pretty big.
I have to listen to Matt & Kim atleast once a day.
I’ve had a all-you-can-listen-to-is-country phase before.
I’ve listened to Red Hot Chili Peppers within the past week.
Last thing I spent my money on was food.
Last thing I spent my money on was clothes.
My occupation is babysitting.
Ultimate frisbee is a sport.
I’m on a high school sports team.
I don’t have just one best friend.
I think a boy and a girl can be JUST friends without having benefits or falling for each other.
Sometimes I look at people and wonder what they were on when they got dressed in the morning.
I’d consider myself a city girl.
Jersey Shore is my guilty pleasure.
I had no idea there were even volcanoes in Iceland.
I’m closer to my mom.
I’m taller than my mom.
I really like being on Facebook.
I should get some homework done for tomorrow.
I’ve signed up for a boring field trip just to get out of school.
My best friend still has their V card.
I’ve used awkwardly cheesy pick up lines.
I’m usually stuck drunk sitting at parties.
I can be selfish at times.
I’m saving up for a car.
I’ve seen episodes of Skins.
I have not smoked anything in a while.
I’d say I’m somewhat liberal.
I’m still not ready to do my homework.
I need to go use the bathroom right about now.
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Yet another post I did NOT want to be posting today. I had a book review scheduled that I’ve had to push because I just couldn’t believe what I saw this morning.
Maybe it’s my emotionally, exhausted state of mind, or maybe it’s my own personal situation (that my friends who read my blog know of), but this bugged me to the point I called the girl out on Instagram.
Should I have done that? Probably, not. She’s got 1.4 million followers and who am I to repost her screenshots from an Instagram makeup video she did (does anyone else fucking absolutely hate those? THEY ARE SO FAKE!)
What Happened
For those of you who don’t know who this lady is, her name is Sadia and she is a beauty influencer on Instagram.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
I’m not linking the Instagram account, nor am I linking the video merely because I’m already giving her enough publicity by even writing this up.
Balenciaga
They were originally produced in Italy and they’ve now moved to China. I know I’ve said to assume is to make an ass out of u and me, but 90% of companies that move their production to China do so for the very low price of producing. I’m not wanting to get sued, here, but do your own homework and you’ll see what I mean.
Balenciaga sneakers/trainers like those go for $780 or £540 if I was looking at the right ones.
Photo Credit: Balenciaga
Calling Her Out
Well, you can see what I said from my Instagram post, the screenshot is below. I’m not trying to be a gobshite, gain any kind of publicity or be a bitch. I’m genuinely really annoyed and upset about this, it’s really not okay.
Offering Money to Unhappy Followers
I couldn’t help but feel like this was hush money. I know it’s maybe her trying to rescue the situation, but there isn’t enough money in the world that would make what she did okay. I’m sure Balcengia as a company wouldn’t be too happy with someone cutting up their products in front of 1.4 million+ people that’ll view that video.
I didn’t screenshot this because it wasn’t appropriate to do so, but there was a comment on the video that was getting a lot of attention. A lady made the same point as me, that it was insensitive and inappropriate to post a video like that when there are so many people struggling, especially with the constant trends and marketing ploys.
She asked the lady to DM her with her Paypal information as she wanted to send some money to, “help you guys out. No questions asked.” The lady made it clear it wasn’t a ploy to get a quick buck, others then jumped on the comment that this particular lady had made, sharing their Paypal.Me handles and asking for money, too.
Again, I joke all the time about Jeffree Star adopting me, or just leaving me money in his will. This is all in good fun, and making fun of the situation I am in. I would never, ever go on a website and hand out my Paypal or bank information for anyone to send me money.
I was cringing between bouts of tears at these people, people can not only see your Paypal information that isn’t as “safe” as Paypal allows you to think it is, but they can see your profile picture and if your profile is public, your personal images which can then be used to find your Facebook, or hack your information. I’m not here to scaremonger, I’m here to be truthful and tell people the reality of the situation. Regardless of how poor I am, I would never be this moronic. People should be ashamed of themselves.
Think of the Kids
I’m pretty sure this lady is a mother herself, I only recently started following her after seeing a makeup look she did (that wasn’t one of those dumb Instagram videos). I made a point of mentioning the children watching because there will be children watching. I can count on one hand friend’s kids’, family members and kid acquaintances I know that would watch that and think, “Oh, that’s a good idea. Let me go get my trainers and try this.”
I’m just sad this is what it’s coming to, what happened to sitting doing makeup tutorials? That was never boring to me, there is no need for these stupid videos of people dancing around and making stupid faces while doing makeup. then again, maybe that’s why they’ve millions of followers and I’ve only a few thousand.
Rather Have a Few Thou…
I’d rather have a few thousand followers than have millions based on fakery. I try my very hardest to be a good person, I try even harder to never, ever judge a book by its cover, but when the cover is cutting up thousands of dollars worth of shoes while people like myself in a dire financial situation are crying because they have no idea what they’ll do money wise it really sucks.
I keep saying I’m not a crier and that I don’t cry often, and I honestly really don’t. However, I cried at this, again could be my exhausted state or the fact it hit a nerve, either way, I cried for a good ten minutes before I posted it on Instagram.
I won’t ask you to stop following people like her, as that’s hypocritical.
If you are an influencer reading this, please think about the type of posts you do, think of how it can impact people. I get it, everyone is a critic, everyone has a comment to make, and there will always be someone that’s unhappy with what you do. However, don’t make it easy for the trolls to call you out by doing stuff like this.
I’m so sad, I debated deleting all my social media accounts because I just couldn’t take seeing this stuff anymore. However, social media saved me when I was super low, so I’m stuck in a situation where I want my blog to do well, reach people, but I don’t want to be around social media anymore. So what do I do?
Sorry for the negative post, I just had to get this off my chest. I’m off to pick up my dog’s poop from the back garden for the 50th time this week.
Enjoy your Sunday.
Pin Me!
New post @LaureltonStudio #TheClqRT #bloggingtribe @TheBloggersPost @wetweetblogs @sincerelyessie @UKBloggers1 #bloggingbeesrt @BloggingBabesRT @bloglove2018 @womenwithgifts @ablogshare #GoldenBloggerz #bblogger #beautycommunity Yet another post I did NOT want to be posting today. I had a book review scheduled that I've had to push because I just couldn't believe what I saw this morning.
#bbloggers#Balenciaga#Balenciaga Designer#Balenciaga Sneakers#Balenciaga Trainers#bblogger#beauty#beauty blogger#beauty community#beauty industry#beautygram#Belfast Beauty Blogger#Broke#Fakery#Financial issues#Hit a nerve#Insensitive#instabeauty#Irish Beauty Blogger#Irresponsible#makeupcommunity#makeuplife#Northern Irish Beauty Blogger#Poor#Rant post#Ranting#sad#sadness#student#this is not okay
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I can’t sleep if my hair isn’t up.
When I go to the bathroom at other people’s houses, I always lock the door.
Girl Scout cookies are my favorite.
I wish Subway had a delivery service.
I get offended really easily about certain things.
It’s hard to make me feel guilty.
I always need to be reassured.
If I care about someone, I’ll basically forgive them for anything.
I probably change my handwriting once a year.
I’m really worried about something.
I’m afraid I’m gonna get a horrible score on the ACT.
I’m afraid I’m gonna get a horrible score on the SAT.
I overreact about everything.
I let people walk all over me. I’m so bad at standing up for myself.
I don’t like being sick in general, but the part I hate most is having a sore throat.
I’m one of those annoying people who blows their nose ALL THE TIME.
If I’m outside I’d rather be hot than cold.
If I’m inside, I’d rather be cold than hot.
I have lots of clothes that don’t fit me, but I’m keeping them for some reason.
There’s a couple stores that I LOVE but I don’t have the money to shop there.
I barely ever go to the mall unless I have money to spend.
I secretly hate getting close to people because I know that they can hurt me.
I like All Time Low’s older music, I don’t like a lot of their new stuff.
I’ve never been to a real concert.
I’ve been to lots of local shows.
I’m not someone who likes a ton of attention, but there’s a certain person who I wish would pay more attention to me.
I’m thinking about changing my hair color.
I haven’t been under the influence of anything this month so far.
I’m very interested in psychology.
I don’t want to go to college, but I’m more than likely going to go.
I have NO IDEA where I’m going in life, and if I actually take time to think about it, it scares me.
I wanna see Alice In Wonderland!
Lately I’ve had a “Whatever happens, happens” kind of attitude and I feel a lot better.
I hate those days where EVERYTHING reminds me of someone.
I’m starting to not care about something that I used to care a lot about.
I haven’t had a birthday party in a really long time.
My parents are divorced.
I can’t stand it when people think they’re “more important” than someone or something.
I listen to the biggest variety of music.
I want an unusual pet.
I’ve always kinda wanted to dye my hair where it’s a different color underneath.
I’m too overemotional for my own good. I cry about everything.
I never check my e-mail any more.
I’m supposed to be doing something else right now.
When I was younger, I definitely had a favorite parent.
Now, I don’t have a favorite parent.
I love certain members of my family, and then there are certain members of my family I can’t stand.
I love it when I make a negative judgement about someone and I find out I was completely wrong.<-----I try not to do that most of the time. Only if they have done something that makes me think negative of them at first, but then prove me wrong. But yeah, I try to the good in everyone when first meeting them.
I can’t decide how I want to get my hair cut.
I’m HORRIBLE at making up my mind. I’m probably the most indecisive person you’ll ever meet.
I only like Red Bull with Vodka.
I hate those flavored Smirnoff coolers.
I hate it when people put me on the spot about something that makes me uncomfortable.
I’m very self-conscious, and it’s pretty obvious.
I love talking to someone who I haven’t talked to in a long time and I find out that they’re exactly the same.
I’m kinda worried that I’ll never get my license.
I can’t drive a stick-shift car, no matter how hard I try.
I’m an impatient person, but I don’t like people who are impatient with me. I guess I’m a hypocrite.
The only time I feel good about myself is when I’m skinny.
I absolutely love pickles.
I don’t care about spelling and grammar as long as isn’t TOO bad.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’d DIE without music, but I’d be miserable without it.
Growing up, my dad was always the “cooler” parent.
I love little kids!
I really need to work up the motivation to go on a diet and lose weight.
I don’t approve of abortion at all, but I still think it should be legal.
I don’t think bright yellow looks good on anyone.
If it snows more this year, I’m gonna go crazy.
I haven’t been on a real vacation in more than 7 years.
I say the words “like” a lot without even realizing it.
I remember exactly what I was doing a year ago today, and I miss it.
I feel so much better about myself when I’m tan.
I’ve always hated eating in front of other people.
I’ve dated someone more than 5 years older than me.
My cat always decides to sleep on my black clothes and he gets hair all over them.
I have this one article of clothing that I loved so much I bought a bunch of them in different colors.
I am a perfectionist.
I am an only child.
I am Catholic.
I am currently in my PJs.
I am currently pregnant.
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to Facebook.
I’m shy around the opposite sex.
I bite my nails.
I currently regret something I have done.
When I get mad I curse.
I don’t like anyone.
I enjoy country music.
I enjoy jazz music.
I have a car.
I have a cellphone.
I have a pet.
I have at least one brother or sister.
I have been to another country.
I have been told that I’m smart.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
I have had a broken bone.
I have caller ID on my phone.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have had surgery.
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have had the cops called on me.
I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.
I have mood swings.
I have rejected someone before.
I have seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I have watched Sex In The City.
I like Shakespeare.
I love to cook.
I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop.
I miss someone right now.
I own over 100 CDs.
I own over 100 DVDs.
I own and use a library card.
I practice a religion that is not considered mainstream.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
I sleep a lot during the day.
I strongly dislike math.
I think Britney Spears was pretty.
I will try ALMOST anything once.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I can name all seven dwarfs in Snow White.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I am currently waiting for someone.
I lost contact with someone.
I hate Miley Cyrus.
I think Party In The USA is catchy.
I’d date Harry Potter.
I can name all the past presidents of the United States.
I know who was president before George Bush.
I need the internet to live.
I prefer vanilla over chocolate.
I watched Star Trek.
I watched all six movies of Star Wars.
I only watched a couple.
I own an Xbox.
I think music is life.
I’m texting a member of the opposite sex right now.
I’m listening to Jaaaason Derulooooo atm.
I usually don’t take these bolding surveys.
But anything to keep me from doing my homework.
I had a really good weekend.
I saw many wonderful faces.
I’ve gotten Starbucks within the past week.
I hate when a parent uses the whole ‘just because all your friends are doing it doesn’t mean you have to…’
I already went to prom.
I had/have a date for prom.
We’re going as friends.
My prom group is/was pretty big.
I have to listen to Matt & Kim atleast once a day.
I’ve had a all-you-can-listen-to-is-country phase before.
I’ve listened to Red Hot Chili Peppers within the past week.
Last thing I spent my money on was food.
Last thing I spent my money on was clothes.
My occupation is babysitting.
Ultimate frisbee is a sport.
I’m on a high school sports team.
I don’t have just one best friend.
I think a boy and a girl can be JUST friends without having benefits or falling for each other.
Sometimes I look at people and wonder what they were on when they got dressed in the morning.
I’d consider myself a city girl.
Jersey Shore is my guilty pleasure.
I had no idea there were even volcanoes in Iceland.
I’m closer to my mom.
I’m taller than my mom.
I really like being on Facebook.
I should get some homework done for tomorrow.
I’ve signed up for a boring field trip just to get out of school.
My best friend still has their V card.
I’ve used awkwardly cheesy pick up lines.
I’m usually stuck drunk sitting at parties.
I can be selfish at times.
I’m saving up for a car.
I’ve seen episodes of Skins.
I have not smoked anything in a while.
I’d say I’m somewhat liberal.
I’m still not ready to do my homework.
I need to go use the bathroom right about now.
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