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#i wish it was summer again
emafallsinlove · 7 months
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everything is awful rigjt now
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cowardlycowboys · 16 days
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:)
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oxalisworks · 3 months
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Something in game Builder Usually wear
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... why he sit like this
#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little#rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo#cats#It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually#getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol#Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime#I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering#all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty#e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time#that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense#that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh#I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol#which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything#I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still#recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually#slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever#reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished#any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky#and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly#going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et#etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make#stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin#.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care#and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc#ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it#82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol
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nguyenfinity · 10 months
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>×> more lil Brohaku please on these trying times AFTER YOUR TEST
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long day of outdoor practice for lil bingus :]
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guideaus · 4 months
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so in recent hgsn chapters, we've got 'hikaru' acting real unusual, more than normal. the first time it happens is a bit after hikaru pulls out "half his insides", the 2nd is a more drastic version, hikaru does his eye thing (whether its mentally or physically) in the same way he previously did to asako where he admits he thought he should kill her, the only difference is his eyes beforehand. the third time happens again very soon after the second, hikaru now seemingly completely different. we'd probably guess he's not in control, but i want to say he doesnt even remember these events.
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so first off im gonna talk abt hikaru lying. obviously, we've got 'hikaru' being introduced lying about his identity, the entire 1st vol revolves around the revelation and how both boys react to it. hikaru tries his best to act as hikaru and is very upset when he's found out. they get over it and yoshiki is now in on the secret,
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our 6th month old ghost-god-boy's got terrible social skills for certain situations, dismissing certain concerns, laughing things off, reacting in an extreme, not normal way, or sheepishly not wanting yoshiki's disapproval. he clumsily struggles to follow yoshiki's reasoning why murder is bad and at that point already gleans that yoshiki probably wont like an admission of "yeah, i killed the neighborhood grandma",
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hikaru's probably being more anxious about yoshiki's perception of him than his act morally, therefore he avoids telling the truth, he also spends half of ch 16 stressing over yoshiki's reaction. asako flat out says she wished to speak to the spirit, and hikaru literally doesnt react to that at all outside of thoughts about himself, and is still just a little guilty talking abt it later on.
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hikaru did gain a bit of confidence before yoshiki momentarily gave up on him, or calms down at least to be able to suggest showing his inhuman qualities to yoshiki again, but isnt clear in what he says he'll do, once again freaking yoshiki out, even though it supposedly did help him against other spirits. hikaru's probably got a tied "love" of yoshiki and absorbing things, and got a little greedy, still not understanding how to even broach the request.
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my point with all this is that he usually feels guilty, or some sort of emotion, about his actions, especially in regards to yoshiki and that does show he remembers what he's done. but in contrast to those moments, on this page where yoshiki asks him why he went to his door, hikaru cant come up with an answer. hikaru, who gives a dopey smile to asako once again accusing him of not being human, doesnt show a hint of hiding a secret for going to yoshiki's house before. hikaru looks more confused at even trying to recall what yoshiki's referencing, as if yoshiki asked him abt some unimportant comment from long ago
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hikaru marvels at yoshiki's soul, and is very sure he doesn't want yoshiki to die, and even includes asako in his thoughts, and becomes extremely upset at the thought of yoshiki dying.
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later, after hikaru decides to prove himself to yoshiki, he got his head lopped off by a special ghostbusters sword, and has a scar duct tape apparently cant fix, so i wonder if because of this he cant balance his body too well and is acting too much like his original, spirity self, viewing yoshiki first as only soul, not even with a body, maybe in the same way the other spirits view humans?
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anywayss, hikaru's said he cant quite remember his role as a being and what he even did before, hence yoshiki carrying their ghost project, but also, before, he at least acted in yoshiki's defense. he declares he'll protect yoshiki and uses his funky eye to be all ghosty, but now he does it in a different way completely, the eye making a diff shape. yoshiki might become a snack instead of hikaru's wish and hikaru might not even remember what happened
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redbootsindoriath · 5 months
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Merry Christmas!
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And an early happy new year, since I'll be traveling at that time and won't be able to post anything. Sorry for the long disappearance. I wish I had some exciting excuse like being abducted by the fae or becoming a spy, but really I've just been going through a lot and haven't been drawing much. Here are a couple of fantasy style Klausen (or maybe the more widely recognized Krampi) by way of apology. I hope you all have been good this year.
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gay-rad-desert · 5 months
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Sometimes not being able to see something is actually quite a good thing.
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ilostyou · 1 year
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taylor x 5sos parallels - part 9/?
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bunnihearted · 11 days
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🐇☀️☁️🍦
#im glad i went today to hang out with my friend c:#it was nice to just hang out with another person and talk and stuff#i also just like how considerate she is#and she's accepting and chill. i can like tell her that oh im sorry if im low energy now im just overheated bc of the weather and im feeling#sad. and she'll be like dont worry thats ok! and it also is ok she doesnt get annoyed or anything#plus she doesnt look at me weird when there's awkward pauses and i cant express myself properly lol#i overanalyze too much i know :c but anyway it is always nice talking w her so it was nice today#we walked to a sushi place and then to the library#i only stayed for like 30min at the library even if i wanted to stay longer#i realized that it's bc like she had sushi which gives her energy#but i cant afford to buy things out lol so i never eat and refresh my energy#so after 3hrs i got so low energy and just wanted to go home#i should try to find smth easy and cheap i can bring to snack on so i can stay longer!! T-T ugh.. next time!!#we also met a dog! :o she was just standing alone outside a house and stared at the gate#and we came by she walked up to us and looked at me and was like 'get me inside :)'#so my friend went around the house and the owner came and was like omgggg she ran away again!!!#im glad it was so easy to help the dog bc i could not have left her alone by a street w cars and stuff#but she was so sweet and cute and let me pet her 💗#hmm yeah! then i walked home in the heat that killed me... and now im sitting in front of the fan ^-^#im not cut out for summer!!! anywaysss it was just a nice time#i wish i could've stayed longer. i'll make sure to bring a cheap snack next time so i can hang out more
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the-woman-upstairs · 12 days
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Challengers, but for middle-aged spies:
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opens-up-4-nobody · 17 days
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...
#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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I can't do much productively during the heat wave/health issue flare up/etc. like work on my games or anything where I have to sit at the computer/type for long periods of time, BUT.. I did passively sculpt a few tiny foods lol. I wanted to do one of my bigger usual sculptures, but those take so much more time and concentration, I thought something small just to keep my hands busy would be better.. close up photos look kind of weird and blurry from my camera settings or something, but overall they came out okay, especially in person.. Nearly the only reason I ever wanted to buy dolls as a kid was to get my hands on the miniature foods and plates and stuff that came with them, I've always just been obsessed with small versions of things like that, so.. why not make some! lol
#sculpture#ooops.. i could have posted this on the art blog but I forgor and do not feel like reuploading everything#into a new drafted post on a whole other blog.. not in this heat.. i have no patience lol#items are: tomato. asparagus. a four leaf clover (not food lol). some sort of folded bun or dumpling with meat inside (not based on#anything specific. I just wanted to fold a flat sheet of clay into a shape). pomegranate. cheese wheel. lemon slice. some sort of mushroom.#fish (not a real one. just made up. if it looks like any specific fish that'd be interesting). and fig.#I haven't been able to get many avocaodo pits to carve again. so sculpting. then is good for a tiny craft#WISH I COULD DO COSTUMES OR SOMETHING.. i have some pikced out. bundles of clothes laying on the floor of the closet#but GODS even before the heat wave it's just been so warm.. I know.. it's the summer. of course it's warm#but WHYYYyy............. what if it just snowed all year around and was awesome and beautiful and i was so cold and could wear 25 blankets#at all times.. what about THAT hmm?? .. the ideal..#anyway.. my favorite is the pomegranate and the mushroom maybe#The fig is hard because in the pictures of figs I googled a lot of them have that sort of white powdery type of thing on the outside#that grapes and plums and stuff have sometimes and it's hard to convey that weird like.. sheen.. plus the purple with almost powdery blue#and little lighter specks plus streaks of light green and a little orangey on some of them.#It's okay in person I think but this doesnt show up as much in pictures. The cheese also looks betterin person than images. you can't tell#the slight shine in the pictures lol. but the pomegranates look cool and also photograph decent.. hmm#I should have made toast with an egg on it or something. that would be a nice addition#OH ALSO ASPARAGUS MY BELOVED.. though they look a little wonky. the cuticle pusher tool that I sculpt with in leiu of any actual sculpting#tools has a kind of triangle edge that was suite for the little leaf details of the asparagus so that was cool. its like..ALMOST right lol
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thebirdandhersong · 1 year
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hey will be off tumblr for the rest of the week - things are Happening again and my head feels ready to explode.........would really appreciate prayer again. I'm constantly feeling like I'm on the brink of something (I don't KNOW what) terrible and I need to figure things out without before my body really DOES decide to shut down from the stress and the strange depressive dread that has been very difficult to shake this month. I would like to not feel like crying or throwing up at certain points in the day and also would like to not be so exhausted in the heart and mind area so that I can actually deal with these things. Especially since finals are looming ahead
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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b4kuch1n · 1 year
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thinkin bout doin real quick ink comms for a bit to get more practice in with the pens. would u guys care for something like that? it'd be like. waist-up character comms. $10 per slot, same price as a sketch comm
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