#i wish i knew what the fuck was the problem
Text
how did it end?
part 1 || patrick zweig x fem!reader
"you cannot love somebody into loving you"
summary: your relationship with patrick has been on and off for ages. you knew him and he knew you. you love him but he only loves you when he can get something out of it. but then, can that even be considered love?
a/n(READ THIS BITCH): random ass specific fact about the reader but she is skincare obsessed like me. acne prone girlies yk what im talking about. btw I KNOW PATRICK DOESN'T GO TO STANFORD BUT WE WILL PRETEND HE SPENDS A LOT OF TIME THERE OK. also this series will only continue if u guys give me feedback. and hype me up. cause i have no motivation. patrick girlies help me i know ur out there💪 also this first chapter is like. they're friends but pining. no angst yet oopsie
2004, stanford college.
being in love with patrick was difficult. really, really fucking difficult. it was almost like you had to put in an effort to be in love with him. nevertheless, you didn't. to you it just felt easy. you wish you could get rid of the feeling, but it doesn't seem to want to go away.
patrick zweig could be very easily described in one word: player. and by that i don't only mean tennis player.
but he was easy to love, too. if we ignore all the mixed signals he always gave you, he's actually a sweet guy.
he remembers your coffee order. he listens to your problems. he calls you to check up on you. and he takes care of you while you're out partying. and after that. and in the morning. he holds your hair and rubs your back as you puke out whatever the fuck you drank last night. he gives you his clothes. out of all the girls he knows, he gives you his clothes.
this was one of those times.
saturday morning.
you woke up with a horrible headache and with a certain curly-haired boy next to you. you try to remember what happened last night, but you give up after about three minutes of staring at the ceiling in silence. who cares, really? at least you woke up in your bed, and not on a random bench outside. not that patrick would ever let that happen.
he has the key to your dorm. he spent most of his days with you, so you figured it would be totally fine for him to have it.
you rub your eyes sleepily as you look to your left- patrick was not sleeping either.
"morning." he said, simply. you groaned in response.
"glad you asked, and you're welcome." he said sarcastically. "you got fucking wasted, like usual. i had to carry you from the party. not that you couldn't walk, but you just insisted on it. when we finally got here you threw up all over yourself. and then in the toilet, like three times, i think."
your eyes widened in disgust. you looked down at your clothes, expecting to find a now vomit-stained white dress on. to your surprise, you were wearing a dark green tee - you remember you've seen it on patrick once- and a pair of uncomfortably large boxers. you're surprised they didn't fall off while you were sleeping.
"patrick." you said, terrified. "please tell me i took my makeup off before sleeping. or at least washed my face." patrick sighed. 'blah blah blah i have sensitive skin blah blah blah i'll break out if i sleep with my makeup on' you always told him, whenever he was sleeping over.
"you didn't." he said. then went quiet for a few seconds, but just for his own amusement. he thought you looked cute when you were worried. but worried was not a big enough word for the look on your face- you were more like, mortified, maybe? so he decided to stop joking around. "i took your makeup off. i couldn't find those circular white thingies you do it with so i used a towel-"
you cut him off with a laugh. you could actually kiss him. maybe you shouldn't, though. your breath smelled like actual shit. looking to your right, at the nightstand next to your side of the bed, you noticed your earrings and necklace and rings arranged neatly next to eachother and you swore you felt your heart flutter.
you knew patrick cared about you, but you didn't think he would be so attentive. usually, you don't get so drunk, so you can actually do what you need to do by yourself. even then, he insists he should do it for you. but you always refused him, partly because you didn't want to bother him but you were also pretty convinced he would not do things properly. he proved you wrong.
"for how long have you been awake?" you ask him.
"i'm not sure whether i even slept. you kept talking on your sleep. and tossing. and turning. and stealing the blanket. i think you even slapped me once-" he started laughing as you started muttering apologies, but he immediately told you not to worry about it.
you sighed, then you both went silent. you examined his face- he really did seem tired- droopy eyes, dark eyebags, eyelids partially closed. but still smirking at you. no one and nothing could ever wipe that shit-eating grin off his face.
"you look cute." he broke the silence, letting his thumb linger on your cheek.
"i feel like shit." you snickered, hiding your face in your hands but he immediately pulled them away, kissing your knuckles.
that took you by surprise. sure, you and patrick were affectionate with eachother, but this felt way more intimate than usual. what was going on with him?
suddenly, you looked at the time. 10:30 am. you were late for breakfast. like, really late. you figured there wouldn't be anything left in the cafeteria by now.
"shit. we'll have to starve until lunch, patrick" you told him, a hint of irony in your voice.
"don't worry, i'll go get us something from the supermarket." he said as he got up, pulling a grey hoodie over his head. he took his keys and wallet then looked down lovingly at you as you still rested on the bed. "call me if you need anything else" he said , kissing your forehead then leaving. leaving your dorm, but also leaving you swooning over him.
you were in it for good.
#patrick zweig#patrick zweig fluff#patrick zweig x reader#patrick zweig smut#patrick zweig fanfic#josh o connor#josh oconnor#josh o'connor#mike faist#art donaldson#art donaldson x reader#art donaldson smut#patrick zweig angst#challengers#challengers x reader#tashi duncan#art donaldson fluff#art donaldson angst
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Hello 👋🏻 for pre Eliza #ayw requests
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e0Y8tmRYYiA
I saw this video and it gave me an idea for As You Wish……Eddie and Reader take younger Ryan and Luke to a real life Hot Wheels show. I think this would blow Luke’s mind and Ryan’s brain would be trying to work out how it works. 🙂
Luke would LOVE THIS. It makes me so happy that you saw this and thought of him! I was trying to think of something for Luke’s birthday and this is just absolutely perfect for it. Thank you so much for sending it in!
Words: 5.6k
[As You Wish masterlist]
When Eddie first came across the advertisement for the Real-Life Hot Wheels Show in Indianapolis, he immediately knew that he wanted to take his youngest son to it. Both sons, of course, but the youngest is crazier about the small toy cars by far.
When Eddie saw that this show happened to be two days before Luke’s birthday, it felt like fate. The little boy’s fifth birthday was on Monday, and Saturday just happened to be the day of the big event in the big city about an hour away. Eddie immediately snatched up the phone and dialed the number printed in large, bold orange letters on the bottom of the flyer to purchase four tickets.
In March, when the tickets had been purchased, Brittany had said there would be no problem with her coming along with her three boys to celebrate the special day. But as the week of Luke’s birthday in May approaches, suddenly, her tone has changed.
“What do you want me to say, Eddie?” Brittany gripes. “I have to work.”
“You had plenty of time to get the day off!”
“Maybe you should’ve reminded me a little sooner,” she snaps back.
“Wouldn’t think I’d have to fucking remind you when your son’s birthday is.”
Now Eddie has an extra ticket that he isn’t sure what to do with. Wayne wouldn’t be able to sit on the metal bleachers because of his back. Steve wouldn’t want to go while his sons are left behind at home. And it wouldn’t be fair to bring just one of the Harrington sons and not the other. Plus, there is no way that Eddie would be able to handle both of his boys plus a Harrington kid all on his own.
There’s someone Eddie wants to invite to be the fourth person, but he’s not sure if it would be appropriate or not to bring it up. Thankfully, Ryan adores you almost as much as his father does, and practically asks the question for him.
“Daddy!” Ryan stage whispers the moment Eddie walks through the door after work the Monday before Luke’s birthday.
The older man raises an eyebrow at his son as he tosses his keys down on the small table he passes on his way into the living room. He kicks his black chunky boots off and scratches at his scruff with dirt-stained fingertips.
“What’s up, kiddo?” Eddie asks.
Ryan looks around to make sure Luke is still in the bathroom.
“I had an idea for Luke’s birthday!”
Before Eddie gets the chance to inquire further, you stroll in from the kitchen and Eddie finds himself smiling like a teenager with a secret crush. The cuffs of your denim shorts that brush the middle of your thighs are so tempting to stare at, but Eddie forces himself to keep his eyes on your face—though that’s no hard feat with how gorgeous he finds you.
“Hey, Eddie,” you greet, and your boss feels as if he could melt on the spot just by the sound of your voice. “How was work?”
“You know,” he says with a shrug, trying to shake off any trace of fluster, “same old, same old. How were the rugrats?”
“Little Tasmanian devils,” you tease.
“Afraid that comes with the last name ‘Munson,’” Eddie says with a dramatic sigh. His words make you giggle and a fluttering in his stomach threatens to take Eddie airborne.
“Daddy!” Ryan rasps again, this time a little more urgently. He marches over to his father who picks him up and holds him against his toned jumpsuit-clad chest.
“What?”
“I think I know who should come with us on Saturday,” Ryan says, a smile that’s a blend of mischievous and prideful lighting up his face.
“Oh yeah? Who’s that?” Eddie asks.
Instead of responding verbally, Ryan turns his head until he’s grinning in your direction. The conversation between the two Munsons clearly confuses you as Eddie watches you tilt your head and raise your eyebrows in question.
“What’s Saturday?”
Eddie opens his mouth to respond, but a loud pitter-patter coming down the hallway has the man clamping shut to avoid spoiling the surprise.
“Daddy!” Luke cheers as he runs into the room.
“There’s the troublemaker,” Eddie says as Ryan wiggles down from his arms. Luke’s quick to be his older brother’s replacement, diving in towards Eddie, trusting that his father will catch him. He does, of course, and hefts the small boy up. “What’s new, Scooby Doo?”
“Nothin’,” Luke says with a shrug. “Oh, wait. I ate an ant off the sidewalk during playground time.”
Eddie stares at his youngest son, blinking a few times before asking, “What color?”
“Black.”
“Okay, you’re fine,” Eddie says, putting the boy down.
“That’s gross,” Ryan says as his little brother walks up to him.
Eddie shakes his head, in amusement or bemusement you’re not sure, and subtly gestures for you to follow him into the kitchen. It’s hard not to trip over your own feet as you move behind your boss. You’d follow him to Jupiter and back if he asked.
“So, uh,” Eddie starts softly once the two of you are alone in the kitchen, “Saturday we’re going to Indianapolis for a real-life Hot Wheels show.”
The way your eyes light up with excitement has Eddie’s heart thumping against his ribs.
“Oh, he’s going to love that!” you gush.
His responding dopey grin momentarily stalls Eddie’s train of thought before he remembers Ryan’s suggestion.
“Yeah, I couldn’t believe my luck when I found the ad for it. But, uh, turns out Brittany can’t get out of work for it.”
You hope you’re able to keep some of the fury blazing in your eyes hidden from your boss. Sometimes it’s a challenge to hold your tongue about Brittany around Eddie—that’s why your poor roommate gets an earful of it almost every day when you come home.
“Ryan, he just, um, had a great idea,” Eddie continues. His tongue darts out and licks over his lips. “Would you be interested in coming with the three of us on Saturday? I know it’s last minute, so there’s no worry if you can’t. Or if it’s not your thing, I get that too.”
“Eddie,” you say with a soft chuckle.
The sound vibrates through his body, liquefying his heart on the spot.
“I would love to go with you guys and celebrate Luke’s birthday.”
Technically, you do have plans for a lunch date with your friend Lily that you’ll have to cancel, but there’s no way you can pass up this opportunity to spend extra time with the Munson men—especially Eddie.
A sigh of release emanates from Eddie’s chest, and he gives you a grin that makes your knees weak.
“Great. It’s a surprise for Luke, so he doesn’t know anything is going on this weekend. I’m not even going to tell him even when we’re in the car on the way to Indianapolis; I’m too excited for the look on his face when he sees the real-life tracks and cars.”
“He’s going to lose his tiny mind,” you say.
“He is,” Eddie agrees with a hearty laugh.
“Do you want me to come by on Saturday or do you want to pick me up on the way?” you ask.
Originally, Eddie had just figured that you would come to the house, but the thought of having your address is too tempting for him to give up. Not that he’ll ever do anything with the information, but just to get a peek behind the curtain into your life, a glimpse at where you start and end your days.
“We can pick you up,” Eddie says, trying his best to be casual. “That’ll be another fun little pit stop for Luke.”
“Perfect. Here, let me give you my address.”
“This is where you live!” Luke exclaims as soon as you slip into the passenger seat of Eddie’s car.
“It is!” You turn to look at the boys over your shoulder and give them a smile.
“Do you live on the tippy top?” Luke asks, pointing out the car window to the highest level of your building.
“Nope, just the second floor,” you tell him as you buckle your seatbelt.
“Not as fun,” Ryan laments.
“Will someone please tell me where we’re going?” Luke whines five minutes after Eddie has pulled out of your apartment complex parking lot.
“Hey, what did I say?” Eddie raises his eyebrows and looks at his youngest son through the rearview mirror.
Luke’s bright blue eyes turn skyward, and he lets out a huff that makes it sound like he’s deflating.
“It’s a surprise.” Luke’s voice is the most monotone you’ve ever heard it.
“Exactly. And no one is going to spoil the surprise,” Eddie says as he pulls onto the highway. “So quit asking.”
He doesn’t, of course. He asks four more times over the course of the journey.
The drive to Indianapolis takes a little over an hour, but it passes by in a flash with the constant entertainment of the Munson trio you’re traveling with. Luke’s insatiable curiosity about anything and everything only takes breaks to give out tidbits of information that he already knows. Many times, Ryan tries to get his little brother to shut up so that he can talk to you as well. And Eddie is the King of Wit as he makes you laugh with comebacks to the boys, and jokes that make your cheeks hurt from smiling so much. It’s almost a disappointment when you have to get out of the car with them. At least you know you’ll have the ride home to experience this Munson brand of insanity once more.
The moment Eddie puts the car into park, you keep your gaze on Luke. He’s straining in his seat to look out the window, anxious for any clue as to where he is. He’s the first one to unhook his seatbelt and hops out of the car, immediately squinting in the bright sunlight.
“It’s hot,” Ryan says as he steps out of the car.
“Jesus, you’re right,” Eddie agrees. The man reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a black hair tie. You can’t help but be mesmerized as you watch him bunch his beautiful curls up and tie them into a bun on the back of his head. Small strands of hair frame his face and you feel all the blood in your body drop to between your legs.
At least if I pass out I can blame it on the heat instead of how unfairly fucking good my boss looks, you think to yourself.
“What is this place?” Luke asks. He has one small hand shielding his eyes from the sun as he swivels on the spot, looking for any clues to solve this puzzle.
“Come on,” Eddie says, nodding his head towards the stadium at the other end of the parking lot. He offers his hand to his youngest son who happily takes it, eager to get whatever show this is on the road.
Ryan slips his hand into yours, which makes your insides feel as warm as your outside as the two of you trail behind Eddie and Luke.
The closer you get to the entrance, the more you notice people wearing shirts with the Hot Wheels logo on them, but you’re hoping Luke either doesn’t notice or just thinks it’s a coincidence. The four-year-old still seems to be buzzing with anticipation when Eddie hands four tickets to the attendant who lets you through the entry way into the stadium.
A cool, shaded tunnel is all that separates you from the main event and you’re pretty sure your excitement is greater than the kids’. Eddie looks over his shoulder at you and gives you a wink. You know it’s meant as a signal to watch for Luke’s reaction, but it sends goosebumps all over your body and you stumble over nothing as Eddie turns back around.
“Are you okay?” Ryan asks, his hand securely in yours so that you wouldn’t fall.
“I’m good,” you say, shakiness evident in your voice.
Quickly, you make sure to turn your attention to Luke. Just as he’s about to step back into the sunlight with his father, you take a deep breath and hold it.
Eddie brings Luke out into the stadium proper, you and Ryan right behind them. It takes Luke a few minutes to absorb what he sees.
In the middle of the stadium are twin life-size Hot Wheels loops, orange as bright as flames. At the beginning of each track, sit two empty racecars, both designed to look like the pocket-sized toys the youngest Munson brother collects. The one on the left looks like cans of paint were thrown on the car. Splotches of neon green, white, and a little bit of black cover the car from nose to fin. The car on the next track looks painted with more intention than its counterpart. This one has a base coat of canary yellow with dark red and blue flames emblazoned on the hood, roof, and trunk. Both cars have the signature Hot Wheels logo on the sides, in the dramatic red flourish.
Once Luke’s brain catches up with what he sees in front of him, his eyes grow exponentially wider. Matching grins appear on both your and Eddie’s faces as you watch it all sink in for the little boy.
“Whoa,” Luke says, eyes darting everywhere.
“You like it?” Eddie asks, shaking his son’s hand gently.
Luke gazes around for another few seconds before looking back at his dad.
“I love it!”
Luke pulls his hand from his dad’s and jumps up and down on the spot, his little hands curling into fists that he holds against his chest. A high-pitched whine of excitement squeaks out and you can’t help but chuckle. His glee is palpable and seeing him so happy is infectious.
“It’s Hot Wheels!” Luke turns to his brother and repeats himself. “Ryan, it’s Hot Wheels!”
“I know!” Ryan says, an elated grin on his own face. “Isn’t it so cool?”
“Yes!” Luke squeaks.
“Come on,” Eddie says, his large hand gently patting Luke’s back. “Let’s go find our seats.”
One downfall of it being such a hot day in Indiana is that the aluminum bleachers that you’re allocated to are toasty even through the material of your shorts.
“Does anyone want some water?” you ask once you’re all settled.
“Me,” both boys say.
“I’ll come with you,” Ryan says.
You gladly accept his offer and take his hand as the two of you venture off to find water.
On the bleachers, Luke squirms in his seat next to Eddie, so excited he can hardly stand it. The little boy tugs on the sleeve of his dad’s t-shirt and Eddie looks over at him.
“I’m so happy!”
Eddie chuckles, his heart growing three sizes at seeing his son this way. Luke’s generally a happy kid, but this euphoria is a whole different level for him, and Eddie realizes he would’ve driven to Alaska for this if it meant putting that smile on his son’s face.
“I can tell,” Eddie says. “I’m glad you’re happy. I’m glad I found something fun for your birthday.”
“And I’m so happy I’m here with you guys!” Luke continues.
Eddie for the first time realizes neither of his sons questioned why their mother wasn’t coming with them today. No wondering why she didn’t get in the car, why she wasn’t here with the rest of the family. And neither of the boys seem to mind one bit. In fact, Luke just said he’s happy to be here with the three of you. Not his mom, but you here with them. Honestly, Eddie couldn’t agree more. He’s not about to spend his son’s birthday celebration psychoanalyzing what that means, though.
“We’re all so happy to be here with you,” Eddie says. He leans forward and presses a kiss to Luke’s curls. They’re slightly sweaty but neither of them cares.
A loudspeaker crackles to life and an announcer with a booming, lively voice asks the crowd if they’re ready to have a good time today.
“Our drivers today are Buzzy Graham and Oliver Ronald!”
The first man—Buzzy—gives the crowd a wave and jogs over to the splotchy looking car. He straps a neon green helmet on and climbs into the life-sized toy vehicle through the driver’s side window. The second driver, Oliver, also gives a wave and a smile as he makes his way over to the car painted with flames. An indigo helmet gets strapped to his head, and he slips inside of his car as well.
The moment the show starts, and Luke hears the first revving of an engine, he’s on his feet. His hands are clenched in excitement again as he waits with bated breath for the cars to get into gear. The kid has put his cars through tracks just like these a hundred times before, now he’s ready to see the real thing in action.
The buzz of the crowd dims as the hundreds of people in attendance wait for the show to begin. Finally, the purr of an engine sounds above all other noise and Luke clasps his hands together with an excited gasp. Ryan is also full of anticipation, sitting at the very edge of his seat and watching with eyes almost as wide as his little brother’s.
Over the speaker, a countdown begins.
“3…2…1!”
Both cars go full throttle across the checkered starting line. Luke intakes a sharp breath and Eddie can’t help but notice it doesn’t come out right away as he watches the two cars speed along down the orange track.
The cars approach the first loop and every muscle in Luke’s tiny body is frozen as he watches in anticipation. Ryan also has his eyes glued to the cars, but his is more of a fascination of how the cars don’t fall while they’re upside down in the loop.
“How did they…” you just barely hear Ryan say to himself over the roar of the audience.
Now that the cars are out of the loop, they’re coming up on the jump over a shallow ravine, to the other side of the continuing neon track, where the finish line is.
The Splotch and The Flames both start their small incline to prepare them for the jump, and Luke’s hands go up to grab the curls on top of his head. This is possibly the most stress the kid has ever endured in his life. At least it’s the good kind, Eddie can tell.
“Here we go,” Eddie says just as the cars are about to be airborne.
And suddenly, there’s nothing beneath the spinning black wheels but dust and air as they soar over the pass between the two disconnected parts of the track. Luke swears it all moves in slow motion.
The rubber tires of the splotchy car touch down on the other side of the ravine first, bumping and jostling the car forward as the flames one lands a split second after it.
The end of the track is only yards away, so the splotchy car has the upper hand and is the first one to cross over the black and white finish line.
“WOO!” Luke cheers. His hands come free from his mess of curls and he throws his arms up in the air. “Yes!”
“Wow!” Ryan stands up and claps his hands, cheering alongside his little brother.
“Daddy, did you see that?!” Luke asks, turning his wide-eyed gaze on his father. “That was the coolest thing ever!”
The genuine excitement and happiness wafting off of, not only Luke, but Ryan too, has Eddie grinning ear to ear as he nods in response to the small boy. Eddie would absolutely agree that this is the coolest thing ever. But not for the same reasons his sons do.
The tracks are cleaned and reset a number of times, letting different cars and different drivers take their turns. But none of the excitement will ever live up to that initial race to Ryan and Luke. Seeing those real-life Hot Wheels in motion for the first time blew their little minds. By the end, you and Eddie are both watching the boys more than the show in front of you.
Once the last race has been run and the show has come to its end, it’s clear all the excitement and sitting out in the heat have worn the boys out—-Eddie and you too, if you were being honest. The sun is setting now and it gives you a reprieve from the heat as you head back to the car.
“So, kiddo,” Eddie says, gently shaking Luke’s hand where he holds it in his own. “Where should we stop off on the way home to grab a birthday cake?”
“I get cake today, too?” Luke asks, voice rising higher in pitch the further he gets in the question. “Awesome!”
Eddie was planning to get a second cake for Luke’s actual birthday on Monday, but guilt gnaws in his head. You won’t be there on Monday, and Brittany will. You’ll be the one who remembers his birthday wish, always said aloud despite Ryan’s reminder to keep it a secret.
Since you can’t be there when Luke blows out the candles on Monday, Eddie ensures that he’ll have a cake today as well. The happier cake, Eddie bitterly thinks.
“Dairy Queen!” Luke announces as everyone piles into the car.
“Nice choice,” Eddie commends, raising his eyebrows.
“I love those little crunchy things in the middle of the ice cream layers,” Luke elaborates as he buckles himself into his seatbelt. “They look like little clumps of dirt but taste like little nuggets from Heaven!”
You and Eddie share an amused smile as he slips the key into the ignition and starts the car.
“Oooh!” Ryan says, twisting in his seat to look out the back windshield. It’s dark now, but he knows it’s the general direction of where the stadium is. “Can we take our car on the Hot Wheels track?”
Luke gasps in excitement and joins in the begging.
“Please? Just once?”
“Guys, we can’t just drive on to the track,” Eddie says, shaking his head in amusement. Though he will admit to himself, that sounds like it would be so much fuckin’ fun. “Professionals drive those cars. Cars that are specifically made to do that kind of stuff.”
“Yeah,” you add, turning around in your seat to face the boys as Eddie pulls out of the parking space. “And I don’t know about you, but if I went upside down like that, I would feel too sick to have any delicious Dairy Queen ice cream cake.”
You’re aware your words are most likely untrue, but it gets the boys thinking about the sweet treat again rather than wanting to go perform professional stunts in the dark with no supervision.
There’s a drug store right in front of the first Dairy Queen you come across on the drive home, so you run in there to grab some birthday candles while Eddie and the boys get a cake.
You meet them at an outside table where Eddie is carefully removing the vanilla-frosted cake from the box. While he takes care of that, you unload the bag of supplies you bought at the drugstore. Sure, Dairy Queen had paper plates to eat off of, but there’s no way they had ones as cool as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle ones you found.
“Ahhh!” Luke’s face lights up when he sees the package of plates and happily takes them from you so he can rip the plastic off.
Of course, the matching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle napkins were a necessity as well. But with everything that Luke likes, there’s no way you could stick with one theme when you saw the party supply aisle.
Next, out come the Scooby Doo party hats and matching noise makers. Ryan giggles as you situate his hat atop his dark golden curls and adjust the strap below his chin. Unsurprisingly, Luke went for a noise maker first, which has Eddie giving you a fake glare. With a soft giggle, you give him an innocent shrug in return.
Scooping up another cardboard cone hat, you step closer to Eddie and slide it on him. If you’re being honest with yourself, this is mostly just an excuse to touch him. The backs of your fingers lightly brush against his stubble as you hook the string on his strong jaw. His hair is still tied back, but that gives you the perfect opportunity to fix the strands of hair that frame his face when they get shifted from securing the hat.
The moment the pads of your fingers make contact with the soft tendrils of hair, a pleasant chill runs down your spine. Doe eyes watch your face as you arrange small sections of his fly away hairs, but you don’t dare meet his eye. There’s no way you’d be able to keep all the emotions you try to keep bottled up inside from broadcasting across your face like a scroll sign in Times Square.
You clear your throat and take a step back. Trying to will all heat away from your face, you slip on your own Scooby Doo party hat, make sure Luke is wearing his, then tear open the package of candles you bought. The frozen frosting on top of the cake has thawed a bit from being outside in the Indiana evening heat, but it still takes a little effort to stab five green striped candles around the edges of the cake, and one white one in the middle for luck.
Eddie slips a silver lighter out of his pocket and leans in until there’s a small flame dancing on top of each candle’s wick.
“Okay,” Eddie says as he slips the zippo back into his pocket. He moves to stand behind Luke, gently resting his hands on his son's shoulders. “One, two, three…”
A chorus of Happy Birthday to You begins and Luke’s gleeful face is illuminated even brighter by the fire casting its light.
“…happy birthday, dear Luuu-uuuke. Happy birthday to you!”
“Make a wish, sweetheart,” you tell him.
“But don’t say it out loud!” Ryan reminds him, a hint of anger in his voice letting you know this is a regular occurrence.
Luke’s lips form a pucker as he thinks. The gears churning in his head are practically visible as he casts his gaze upward, then downward. Then, his eyes flit to his father behind him, then over to you. A smile that you could only describe as hopeful slowly grows on Luke’s lips as he leans in towards the cake. The almost-five-year-old takes a deep inhale in through the nose, then blows all his candles out in one shot.
The smoke curls into the air and disappears as you and Eddie clap your hands now that Luke made his wish.
The cold cake is the perfect dessert to be eating outside on a warm summer-but-not-technically-summer-yet night. The vanilla and chocolate ice cream along with the crispy, crunchy pieces in the middle are the perfect way to end such a lovely day.
You’ve never had a day out with the Munson men like this before. Something deep inside of you wonders if all of this was a good thing or bad thing, though. Because before you didn’t know what you were missing. Now, you know how it feels to spend time with them as a person—not an employee. Just as a friend to Eddie—-and okay, maybe still like a babysitter to the kids. But it’s so different than just being in the Munson house until Eddie comes home, get paid, then leave. This was time together. And it was one of the best times you’ve ever had.
“You’ll always have the memory of today,” you whisper to yourself as you walk away from the guys to throw away empty plates and used napkins. “Even if I never get another day like this again, I’ll always have the memory of this one and how nice it feels to spend time with them. All of them.”
You take a deep breath walking back towards everyone, mentally composing yourself so you don’t give away that you’re getting caught up in your own head.
“We ready to get back on the road?” Eddie asks, patting his front pocket that holds the keys.
“Yes—oh. One second. Luke?” You chuckle and take a seat down at the table. When the little boy looks at you, you gesture for him to come over to you. “It’s a good thing I didn’t throw away all the napkins.”
There’s ice cream all over Luke’s face. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he had been trying to devour it by osmosis.
“How did you get chocolate in your eyebrow?” you ask with a chuckle as you gently rub at the area above his eye. After one more once over, everything looks good—nice and clean. “There we go.”
“Thank you!” Luke leans in and pecks your cheek before spinning around and heading towards the car.
The small display of affection has you giddy as you follow behind him. It’s the little moments where you realize that they love you right back that turn you into a puddle on the floor. But you’d happily stay that way if it meant the boys love you even half as much as you love them.
Despite the recent sugar rush, it doesn’t take long once you get on the road again for the boys to fall asleep. Soft snores come from one of them, but it’s impossible to tell who since they’ve somehow come to sleep with their heads resting up against one another’s.
It leaves no room for you and Eddie to talk, but you don’t mind. Companionable silence with Eddie is comfortable, there’s no urge to fill the silence with some small talk or forced conversation. It’s relaxing even, to sit next to Eddie and just be. There’s nothing you have to do, nothing to worry about, it’s just you sitting next to Eddie while the beauty of Indiana at dusk rushes by outside the windows. As much as you don’t want to think about it, you could definitely get used to this.
When Eddie pulls up to your apartment complex, you almost want to be a child and beg for one more ride around the block. The boys are still sleeping and the only sound is from the crickets chirping outside as Eddie kills the engine.
“Thank you for inviting me today,” you say. “I really had a lot of fun.”
“Yeah, those cars were pretty cool, huh?” Eddie asks with a soft chuckle as he reaches up to scratch the back of his neck.
“Oh, no. Well, I mean, yes, they were, but I didn’t just mean them. I had a lot of fun hanging out with the three of you.” If your wife bails on you again, just let me know, you think, but almost laugh to yourself when you realize you need to correct it. WHEN your wife bails on you.
“I had a really great time, too,” Eddie says. “I always have a great time with my boys. But you made it even more fun.”
Heat rushes to your face and you instinctively avert your gaze and duck your head.
One of the boys lets out a whopper of a snore and it startles both you and Eddie, who let out soft matching chuckles at your own jumpiness.
“Since they’re out like a light,” you say, looking over your shoulder at the two boys snoozing in the backseat, “tell them how much fun I had with you all, yeah?”
“Will do,” Eddie affirms.
“And give them a kiss from me when you tuck them in.” Part of you is tempted to lean in and press a quick peck to Eddie’s cheek that’s meant for him to then pass in turn to the boys, but all emotions other than desire somehow keep it reigned in.
Taking a deep breath, you reach for the door handle and curl your fingers around the silver lever.
“I’ll see you soon, yeah?” you ask Eddie, offering him a small smile.
“Absolutely. I’d, uh, offer to walk you inside, but I’ve got these two sleeping sloths in the back. I don’t trust them alone—even unconscious.”
Your soft responding giggle has Eddie smiling in his shadowed corner of the car.
“Bye, Eddie.” The passenger side door opens with a clack and you swing one leg out of it.
“Bye, sweetheart.”
The moment the car door closes behind you, Eddie’s gaze falls to your ass. He watches each sway of your hips and finds his teeth sharply digging into his lower lip.
“God damn,” Eddie mutters to himself once he sees you’re safely inside your building.
He sits there for another quiet moment, one hand on the gear shift. After taking a deep lungful of air and releasing it slowly, Eddie turns the car back on and pulls out of the parking spot.
The car hasn’t even made it out of the complex parking lot when Eddie hears his youngest stirring in the backseat with an overexaggerated yawn. The little boy smacks his lips together a few times before he opens his mouth and speaks in a voice still laced with sleep.
“Can I have some more cake?”
#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x you#older!eddie#eddie munson fan fiction#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson fic#dad!eddie#eddie munson imagine#AYW#AYWS#request
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Summer Lovin'
Steve Harrington x Reader (smut)
Word Count: 2,429
The blazing heat of the Hawkins' summer sun becomes too much for Steve to bear, especially when he's got you in his pool looking like every inch of his filthiest fantasies come to life.
Warnings:Smut, Steve fantasising about the reader, masturbation, hand-jobs, confessions of love, little bit of cutesy romantic fluff (I couldn't help it sorry!!) Don't hesitate to let me know if I've missed something that you want tagged!
Steve Harrington Masterlist // Masterlist
It wasn’t unusual for everyone to be gathered at the Harrington’s sprawling house, to take advantage of the sizable pool in their back garden when the midday sun of an Indiana summer became too much to bear. You and Robin wasted no time in jumping straight in, whilst Eddie laid back with his dark shades covering his eyes as he lazily floated on inflatable sun-lounger, completely unbothered by yours and Robin’s antics. The younger kids all took it in turns to dive into the pool to see who could make the biggest splash. Yes, with George and Bridget Harrington away, no-one was here to stop their only son inviting whoever he wanted to his house. Without the disapproving glare and sneer of his judgy parents, looking down at him for the company he chose to keep, Steve was free.
But what he forgot to factor in was that in inviting you over for a pool party, he would be forced to look at you in your swim-suit, and suddenly the little crush on his childhood best friend that he had been nursing for the better part of his pre-teen years and beyond, was a lot harder to ignore than it ever had been before.
It was wrong of him to want you as badly as he did. Wrong of him to think of you in his most solitary moments of pleasure, you were his best friend for crying out loud! The person who had been there for him through everything, thick and thin. And yet he couldn’t help himself as he secretly watched you from behind his dark sunglasses from the comfort of his stretched out sun-lounger. Watching as you innocently splashed around in his pool with Robin. From the way the water droplets rolled over your sun-warmed skin, to how your matching floral two-piece bikini hugged your curves so perfectly, even down to the ever so enticing way that ties of your bikini’s strings were practically calling out to him, daring him to be the one to untangle the knot, to reveal every inch of soft skin.
His ears are treated to the high-pitched squeals of laughter that if he thought about it enough could almost imagine that they were squeals of pleasure, keening whines that would tumble from your kiss-bitten lips, and there isn’t one part of him that doesn’t wish that it was him that could be the one to pull those sounds from you.
He prayed to whatever gods that were listening that the bulge of the semi he was beginning to sport was not as painfully obvious as what he felt it was. Strategically placing the long-ignored book he had been reading over the crotch of his swimming trunks, better to be safe than sorry right?
For lack of a better word Steve Harrington was well and truly fucked.
“Hey Dingus! What are you doing all the way over there? It’s your pool, why don’t you get in?” Robin shouts.
“I'm alright Rob,” he shouts back before speaking up once more. “Actually I'm going to head in, I think we're running low on drinks, don’t wait up for me okay?” He says, nodding his head towards the cooler box of beers sitting on the garden table.
They weren't running low on drinks, far from it actually, if the fully stacked cooler was anything to judge by, but Steve had to get away. Perhaps he could slip inside, race to his bedroom, get himself off quickly and be back before anyone would be any the wiser.
All he knew was that his growing erection was about to be a much larger problem if he didn't act soon.
“Did Steve seem off to you, or is it just me?” you ask, turning to Robin.
“No, he was definitely acting weird. Who knows what goes on in that boy’s mind.” She chuckles with a dismissive shake of her head.
“I think I’m just going to go check up on him, see if he’s okay.” you say to Robin, pushing up on the pool’s edge before grabbing your towel and wrapping it around yourself off and heading inside in search of your best friend.
Steve hot-foots it up to his room where he slams the door behind himself with a hurried huff of breath.
Reaching down, Steve pulls the waistband of his swim trunks down just enough to free his straining erection from its confines. He brings his open palm up to his lips before spitting crudely in his hand, and reaching down to glide his spit-slick fist over himself in a costing stroke over the length of him. A shuddering moan falls from his lips as his hair falls down over his eyes, squeezing himself with a light pressure when he reaches the sensitive head of his cock.
With his cock in his hand, Steve’s thoughts, as they often did in these moments, turned to you. He thought about you and how pretty you looked in your bikini, the way the wet fabric clung to every soft curve, the way your tits were pushed together so enticingly, and how the golden glow of the hot august sun shone down on your skin. He couldn’t help but think about how you and how perfect you would look on your knees for him, eagerly awaiting the feel of his pre-cum glazed tip tracing your lips.
You wander around the Harrington’s spacious kitchen, only to find it empty. Weird Steve said he was getting drinks, he should be here. Your feet carry you further into the house, quickly poking your head into the living room door, only to find it empty.
Steve must have gone upstairs, so you follow suit, but as you reach the last few steps you can’t help but hear a strange noise coming from Steve’s room. You make it outside his room, knuckles poised over the door ready to knock when you realise all too quickly that’s the deep groaning noises of pleasure coming from the other side of the door. You weren’t stupid, you knew what went on in the privacy of a boy’s bedroom, and you were about to pull away, to allow Steve the privacy he so clearly needed, but that’s when you heard it. A growled moan of your name.
Maybe you were hearing things, maybe it was a figment of your imagination, maybe some hopelessly horny part of you was hoping to hear your name falling from Steve’s lips, but then you hear it again.
“Yeah, you'd take me so good wouldn't you, Honey. Always teasing me, you'd be so good for me, just wish you were my girl” his voice stutters out with another moan of your name.
You push on the door, finding it unlocked as it slowly swings open and your eyes are treated to the most spectacular view of Steve sitting on the edge of his bed, his thighs spread wide and tensing whilst his fist strokes over his thick cock.
The creaking squeak of the door gives you away, causing Steve’s head to whip up and he hastily tries to pull his shorts back up, hoping to god that if he closed his eyes that this would all just be a surreal dream.
And yet when he peeks his eyes open from underneath the shaggy mess of his hair, there you are, a towel wrapped around your body, your boobs pushed up by the tightly pulled starchy fabric.
“I-uh…fuck…I can explain..I think?” Steve stumbled, as flustered words fell from his lips in an attempt to save face.
And with an equally embarrassed expression on your face, your words bubble from you as you try to explain yourself.
“You ran off and I wanted to make sure you were okay and I couldn’t find you, but then I heard you calling my name and I’m sorry I barged in on you, I really shouldn’t have invaded your privacy like this” you nervously babble.
“I just needed to clear my head…amongst other things, obviously. You just looked so pretty and I couldn’t help it.” Steve begins “I tried to think of other things, I swear, but you were all I could think about, you’re what I always think about.” and before he even realises it, Steve feels his closest guarded secret unburden from his heart.
“Y-you…you think about me?” you stutter.
Well, if secrets are being spilled, it’s better to come out with the full truth, no holes barred.
Bridging the space between you and Steve, you sit down next to him on the edge of the bed.
“I mean I guess there’s no use in hiding it anymore, but yeah, I’ve had a crush on you for the longest time. I’m sorry if that makes things weird between us.” His voice is suddenly small and dejected, as if he’d already shook hands and made peace with the imminent rejection he was sure to come his way.
“Well I guess I feel a little less guilty about my secret now.” you utter, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Because I feel the same way about you. Have done for a while, considering we're being honest.”
and oh suddenly like a switch has flipped in his mind Steve looks at you, really looks at you in all your easy and effortless beauty and he can't help the smile the spreads across his rosy cheeks.
“Would I be a total dork if I asked you to kiss you right now?” He flushes.
“Lucky for you, I happen to like dorks.” You smile inching your way closer to him, closing the gap between your bodies, pressing your lips against his.
This kiss starts out innocent enough, with gentle explorative pecks, but it soon becomes apparent that it's not enough for either of you, as his tongue slips between your lips and you're moaning into his mouth. The towel wrapped around your body slipping to reveal yourself to him as his hands roam every soft curve available to him. The lingering sweet scent of your coconut sun lotion filling his senses.
It's only when you're pressed up against him so closely that you're reminded of how you came to be in your current situation. His still half-hard cock pokes into your thigh as you're making out with him. An instant press of his arousal.
You reluctantly pull away from his lips, smiling to yourself when Steve chases your lips for one final taste, before his lust-hazed eyes peek open.
“You want me to help you out with that, Stevie?” You offer seductively.
Steve feels his stomach flutter with butterflies. Stevie. It was a nickname you had called him for many years, but suddenly now it all felt different. It carried a different weight now. It was suddenly much more affectionate than it had ever been before.
“Help me out with…oh…oh..” Steve flushes even more when catches on to what you were saying. “You don't have to, I don't want to make you uncomfortable.”
“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn't want to.” you say with a cheeky smile playing at your lips.
Steve shyly nods his head and mutters a soft ‘please’ and that is all the confirmation you need before you’re hooking your fingers into the waistband of his shorts and dragging them down his sturdy thighs.
With his cock free from his confines, you crudely let a string of saliva drool from your lips into your palm to slick your hand up before you reach down to tug your fist over his length.
“Is this okay?” you ask him, continuing to softly stroke up and down.
Steve is a picture of debauched pleasure, with his flushed face, and chest rising and falling with shuddering breaths. His hair sticks to his sweat-beaded forehead as you continue to work him over.
“Y-yeah..this is good..m-more than good” he stumbles over his words. “Feels fucking amazing.”
“Good…” you coo “I want you to feel good, Stevie.” you smile sweetly, the crude, wet sound of your slick fist gliding up his cock, and his whimpering moans echo out in the otherwise quiet bedroom.
“I’m not gonna…fuck...not gonna last long…” Steve groans, the sound nothing more than a low rumble. His breaths are quicker, as he fights against wanting to buck his hips to meet your touch.
You smile deviously as twist your fist on the upstroke, lightly squeezing his glistening pink head before coasting back down his cock, grazing your thumb along the pulsing vein that runs the length of him.
“Honey, Please…” Steve wasn’t even sure what he was pleading for at this point, all he knew was that the way that you were teasing him had him just about to explode, teetering on the edge of pleasure, ready to fall over and give in to you.
“It’s okay Stevie…” you whisper, as you press your body close to his, leaving a soft kiss on his lips. “..Want you to come for me.”
And that is Steve’s undoing, your sweet whispered words of encouragement are enough to have him spilling rope after rope of cum over your knuckles.
As he comes back down from his high, Steve fusses over the mess he’d made. Suddenly embarrassed about how badly he needed this.
But you kiss away his worries with a smile, before looking into his eyes and licking up the pearlescent drops glazing your skin.
“Fuck..you can’t just do that..” he huffs with a tired smile. “You’re going to get me going again.”
You shake your head at him with a soft laugh.
“Come on, let’s head back down before things start to look suspicious.” you say standing up and making your way towards his door.
“Wait, what about you?” his honeyed hazel eyes sparkle with desire as he looks at you. “Let me make you feel good.”
You make your way back across the room where Steve is still sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning down to him to place a sweet kiss on the tip of his nose.
“I’ll let you make it up to me and then some later, I promise, right now I just wanna go enjoy the rest of my summer.” you tug him by the hand with a giggle.
Whatever had just happened between you and Steve was a new and exciting development in your relationship, and although neither of you quite knew what you were to each other yet, it didn’t matter. You had all summer to figure it out, and for now you were quite content to just have fun.
@paybacksawitch @penguinsandpotterheads @mrsjellymunson @aphrogeneias @onegirlmanytales @wroteclassicaly @rebelfell
#Steve Harrington x reader#Steve Harrington x reader smut#Steve Harrington x female reader#Steve Harrington x female reader smut#stranger things fanfiction
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Why Eloise is My Favorite Character
First off, look at that beautiful face. Claudia is deadass pretty. But besides that, she’s the one that has visibly gone through the most character development and it was subtle as well. When I watched season 3 part 2 trailer(garbage like I predicted it’d be) watching Eloise and the maturity and concern she had for her brother, insisting Penelope to tell him, that she can’t lie to him and expect him to love her(which he’ll end up doing anyway but fuck Polin) and even given Penelope a chance to tell him. The mercy she showed Penelope despite what she’s done and the pain she caused her; the trailer made me finally come to the conclusion that she’s my favorite character.
I was iffy bout Eloise at the beginning of season 1. I know many were annoyed with her and said she was a pick me girl—I even thought, “booo, here we go, one of those annoying buffoon feminists who don’t know how good they have it.” She wasn’t annoying, but she sure was self-righteous about women’s roles in society and how they shouldn’t have to be subjected to the marriage mart and all the feminist bible thumping bs and saying this from her ivory tower.
But you know what she did? She walked down those tower steps, willingly left that ivory tower to go expand her views and learn outside of it, something that women in the ton wouldn’t do. She put herself at risk to broaden her horizon.
“You wish to follow your heart. I wish to nurture my mind.”
Eloise didn’t reject Theo’s criticism of her limited understanding and her privileged position. She took that to seek greater understanding beyond what she knows so I really don’t know how in the living shit people think she’s self-absorbed, especially after she starts interacting with Theo.
Eloise is brusque and may come off as abrasive, but she has integrity, is gracious, and is kind-hearted. She sought out LW for a selfless cause: to help Penelope and her family from ruin. She helped LW escape from the Queen.
The times Penelope has come with her crocodile tears, Eloise dropped everything to comfort her despite Pen insulting with her “pretty Bridgerton” comments(but she’s a bad friend, amirite?)
She didn’t see the lower class as beneath her but as people to learn from(but she’s blind to her privilege, right Penelope stan?)
She was one of the few who showed compassion and understanding for Marina's situation. Despite her being sheltered(that a lot of anti-Eloise fans get their rocks off in exaggerating), she knew that Marina was in a shit place and treated shamefully.
She knows there aren’t many women who share her views and thought processes, but that doesn’t stop her from having them and voicing them and hopes that women would also go against social conditioning.
“How else should I be? Married and silent?”
She kept Penelope’s secret for months. She didn’t try to destroy Penelope or get back at her. She just cut her off and moved on with her life. She took the high road in this situation, a thing that some adults don’t even do.
When she realized that her gossiping hurt Penelope, she sought her out, admitted fault, and apologized. That was incredibly brave and mature. She might be angry at Penelope, but she pushed back when Cressida was mean, even apologized to Pen on Cressida’s behalf.. She didn’t push Colin to be cruel to Penelope just because she had a fall out with her. Eloise is A LOT better than me because if I was in her shoes, Colin finding out bout Whistledown would be the least of Penelope’s problems.
Eloise is just a joy to see on screen, especially in S3 where she is literally the only voice of reason and her suffering with this LW business got me weeping(especially since we know Pen will suffer nothing from it). She better have a good conclusion by the end of the season. The show has failed in almost everything this season.
Don’t fail on Eloise.
#Eloise appreciation#justice for eloise#eloise bridgerton#bridgerton#eloise deserves love#Xoxoxo Eloise#Eloise is my fav#No one can stop me from loving her no one
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#meg talks#gggghhhaasaaggrrghhhh my hips really hurt#im getting really worried about these pains in my hips and knees and even my hands/wrists#fibro is muscle pain not joint pain#tho it’s not like im all that good at distinguishing the two…#but fibro also isn’t supposed to be degenerative and get worse over time and all that#and these pains ARE getting worse#it’s scary bc my job is pretty physically demanding and idk what ill do if it keeps on getting worse and worse#i only have ever worked in retail#and i have people depending on my income…#im just. sad and scared and frustrated and also in too much pain to fall asleep easily#i wish i knew what the fuck was the problem
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So Dungeons and Daddies Season 2 is really just taking the average coming-of-age story and making it to every horrifying extreme, huh.
It is that moment in which you realize your parents don't know what they're doing any better than you do, and people present it like it's something comforting, but it's just even more terrifying because there really, really is no right answer. It's realizing that no, love isn't enough, sometimes you love your family and it just made everything worse. Everyone who came before you fucked things up even when they were trying to make things better, and unfucking everything just seems impossible, but not even trying is such a depressing option, and one your kids will never be able to forgive you for.
I have many feelings on this.
#i want to make a joke about how this is just like me. an adult#being made to solve extremely easy problems that other adults shouldn't have any issue with#but which feel insurmountable on an equal level with what these poor kids are going through#but it feels like it's kinda about that too#there's how scary acts with her 'no one will ever ever ever understand what i'm going through' thing#and then. well. hyperbole is a very ancient art indeed#anyways i just got to the point where these kids had some very good reasons to team up with willie fucking stampler of all people#even when they KNEW he sucked#and it all just smacked in the face like a dead fish#god i wish i could make stories as complicated and fucked at this#but i keep dithering between grimdark and happy ending#anyways. uh#dndads#dungeons and daddies#it's a great podcast. go watch it#if you liked eeaao ESPECIALLY watch it
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does anyone else make more out of their relationships than they actually are or is that just me?
#like#i am very emotionally repressed and have hella trust issues#so it's really hard for me to get close to people and/or let THEM get close#so when i tell people things about myself that most people have no problem sharing#(like my fucking name for instance a;lkds;lf lmao or where i live or what i do for a living etc)#to me that's a huge step. to me that's opening up.#but i always forget that to THEM it isn't#so i put way more stock into things than i should#i build up our relationship in my head more than i should#because i really do FEEL so much but it's so hard for me to show it#so sharing pieces of myself is kind of my way of showing the love i have for people#or doing things for them#acts of service and all that#so i always feel closer to people than i'm sure they do to me#and sometimes i forget that we're not as close as i feel we are#and i put unrealistic expectations on people#and then i get reminded that hey it's just me that feels this way and it just...idk it sucks#and it's through no fault of the other person. really. it's all me and my plethora of fucking issues lol#i just wish i knew how to NOT be like this. to just be fucking normal and not be so closed off.#so afraid of human connection but also at the same time DESPERATE for it#for someone to just SEE me and want to put in the effort it's inevitably gonna take to REALLY get to know me#to show me that i'm as worthy of that effort as i know i should feel#ugh idk why i'm posting this here just in my feels i guess#ignore me
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Help, it's almost midnight, and I'm crying about how much I miss the Sims 2 Exchange.
#i don't really need help i don't think#i'm just confronting the passage of time#and realizing how many of the people that defined my early experience in the community aren't here anymore#i miss di and spork and lucy#and toast and doc and candi#and gin and looloo#i don't think i ever even talked to them#i was a kid and i was intimidated#but i loved what they made so much#and i wish i'd said something but i was a kid and i didn't know there would be a time when it was too late#my heart hurts so much holy shit#i started writing because of the exchange#if everyone knew how much strangers loved them the world would be a better place#i'll be fine i'm just sick and i didn't get any sleep last night and i miss a time before crisp screenshots and ceilings#don't get me wrong it definitely had its problems but god#if you could see it when i saw it#just people making things#ai could fucking never
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i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am
#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately#like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad#i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic#and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me#the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic#let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything#like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing#i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard#the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know#with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things#n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case#it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has.#the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others#this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate#its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences#its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control#ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship#we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people#so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there#ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere
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like im just saying they should invent a family that doesn't make you want to kill yourself
#and a school system while theyre at it#or just a me that wouldn't make me want to kill myself#just like. without all the problems that make it impossible to exist in normal society as myself#i know technically its possible for me to have a future but goddammit i dont see one okay#i havent made a single goddamn real life connection since middle school and now we're so distant i barely remember whos who on discord#thats not to mention how I've just been on the edge of every friendgroup anyway. including that one#im just some fucking loser. im not going to fucking graduate my only career aspiration is a goddamn pipe dream and if i dont fucking kill#myself by then im going to be stuck living with my family forever and we're not going to be seeing eye to eye.#all ive ever done is dig myself a deep grave and then tether other people to me to drag them down too#i love you all but i dont know how you see me as anything but gross and annoying and weirdly fucking clingy okay#i just#i dont know what im fucking doing#i wish i did. i wish i knew but i dont. and it feels like everyone else has figured out how things work and im just supposed to do that too#but i cant. i fucking cant and it keeps getting worse and i keep getting worse and i keep making it worse for my family while im at it#i miss being able to imagine doing stuff tomorrow. or in an hour#i miss being able to wash the dishes and not having to think about stabbing myself with fucking cutlery#i miss being able to show my mother my report card#but its my fucking fault im in this mess in the first place#and i just cant fucking try enough. or at all#aethers rants#cw vent#cw sui ideation#personal posts and stuff idk
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it's kinda fucked how mariposa got in so much trouble for being gifted a crystallite that couldn't have been bigger than a quarter after she gave catania the flutter flower which is, and i quote made of the most precious magic in flutterfield.
like of course there's the rule of "no outsider can ever touch crystallites. ever" and no one knew that catania had the flutter flower but it still feels weird that the tiny rock got mariposa exiled, not the very precious relic made by the queen, who's magic is so strong it single-handedly shelters an entire population from their natural predators.
i just wish the flutter flower and flutterfield as a whole was given more weight in the narrative
#the “no outsider can ever touch a crystallite” rule and how it was handled caused more problems for shimmervale than it solved holy fuck#first it's what made them resent butterfly fairies & the gwillion & likely others. also they dont tell seem to tell the visitors. at all#mariposa was very well read on shimmervale & knew things before the tour guide said them but didn't know the biggest faux pas?#maybe y'all should put that tidbit in the crystallite section on your tourist pamphlet if it's so important hmm???? i dunno could be helpfu#i almost wish catania had given mariposa the flutter flower back in front of her father as a bit of extra defiance before flying off#mariposa and the fairy princess#barbie mariposa#catania
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what do u meannnnnnn i'm abt to be post college graduation 🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️
#apparnelty some family friends coming to my graudation#bc ig i'm the first in the generation to graduate or whatever the fuck#and like whatever that's fine but ffs i wish they would've come to my show instead#that i co directed and literally love sos o so oso sosososoososooo much#so so so proud of that#i don't give a shit abt my graduation tbh lmfao TT#so it lowkey doesn't mean much to me that they want to come to my graduation ;-;#it would've meant so fucking much if i knew they would be able to come#and want to see that and i could like suggest hey instead come see this show LMAO#like it probably wouldn't have happened but whatever#also just like i have like no motivation and no interest in stats at this point lmfao#ALSO bc these ppl all gonna be fucking talking abotu and asking abt what i'm doing after#I DON'T KNOWWWWW what i'm fucking doingggggggg#i alr get enough talk from my mom abt how i'm not applying to enough jobs#i dont need family friends to also be asking me and my answer just being ha idk#i'm fucking staying at college tho like on campus bc i'm a fucking loser and don't want to move on#like not rly. i'm kinda trying to see it as like#the alternative would've been me at home being a loser lol#and that would've been so annoying and even if this isn't the 'right' thing to do or most traditional#at least i'm choosing to do it ig#and i get to stay in this club w my bestestestestest friends for another yr#idc if i'm like not moving on when i should LOL too bad for me that's a future problem#and also kinda figure out this weird right after college time period w my friend who i'm rooming with#ok. slay that was. acool turnaround from me lmfao just . yeah ok that's the positive side ig lmao#anyway i also dont give a shit about graduation bc i hate my university rn lmfao :) and the world is burning down#jeanne talks#i am . procrastinating#imagine knowing what the fuck i learned in this class this whole semester#ugh literally two group projects to end on and two of the most boring annoying group project experiences i've had LMAO
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about Obscurials and pre-Hogwarts Harry
this is your daily reminder that Harry could never have been an Obscurial, not because That Woman hadn’t created/retconned in the idea yet, but because of the actual definition, which is “a child who knows about their magic and tries to suppress it”.
Ariana Dumbledore knew she was a witch from the time she was able to know things. She was actively and knowingly doing magic when she was attacked, and afterward she refused to use her gift and it turned inward.
Harry Potter knew that strange things happened around him, but he did not know that it was magic, because he didn’t think magic was even real. One of the first things he says to Hagrid after The Reveal is something along the lines of “this has to be a mistake, I can’t be a wizard”. He also wasn’t trying to “suppress” any of the things happening to him, because he didn’t know he was the one causing them to happen.
so yeah, there’s no viable “Dumbledore knew Harry could have become an Obscurial when he left him with the Dursleys and still left him there” argument, because Dumbledore didn’t know the Dursleys weren’t going to tell Harry about his magic or even treat him like a member of the family (see: my 12-hour long post about this shit last month, along with The Books).
yet another big argument Dumbledore-bashers have that falls apart when you actually adhere to the story lol
#I am once again begging y'all to reread the books#Harry Potter#Ariana Dumbledore#Obscurials#when I watched the first FB movie I was like ''huh interesting'' and then people tried to make Credence/Harry parallels#EXCEPT CREDENCE ALSO KNEW HE HAD MAGIC????#Grindelwald was literally telling him all sorts of shit about the magical world and implying he could ''give'' him magic or unlock his magic#and like sure he was lying through his fucking teeth until he realized Credence *was* an untrained wizard and Obscurial but STILL#JKR is not great at storytelling but this actually holds up in-universe!#if you know magic is real and you might have it and you suppress it: Obscurial#if you don't think magic is real and you don't think you have it: you're just Harry lol#can't believe a stupid ass Quora poster made me think about FANTASTIC BEASTS today#JKR likes to retcon herself too though so I wouldn't be surprised if there's some dumbass line about this in the latest movie#meta#what's interesting is that Hermione never comes up in these bashers' conversations#she is another person who would have had a stake in ''wishing her problems away'' if she had any magical outbursts#yet no one ever says ''Hermione could have been an Obscurial!'' you know why?? because the theory DOESN'T MAKE SENSE for anyone but Ariana!#and Ariana is like Hermione in that she had two loving parents! so clearly Obscurials don't need to have an abusive caregiver to be birthed!#Credence is more of a parallel to Tom Riddle tormenting kids in the orphanage than he is to Harry; just more sympathetic#sigh#'bout to circle back to twitter for a while bc I'm so annoyed about this
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to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.
when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.
but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.
#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL#ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as#possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch#i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my#peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts#i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont#even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix.#i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a#part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase.#i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know#there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem#for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes#im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times#anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better#than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know?#being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be#that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends)#hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a#good person it is within ur hands i promise u#ok love u goodnight#personal
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the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it
#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet#I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through#idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself#& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy#I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem#I had 4 social plans this month. that's it#that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy#but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too#the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021#but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all#I'm not going anywhere w this. idk#just one of those days#everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake#now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend#assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake#& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks#but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc#'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores#they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go#& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired#like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(
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Gonna go get a UTI sitting in the movies for 3 hours 🥰 #TreatYourselfTuesday
#marquilla#actually i regularly go 4 hrs not going bc i hate peeing at work agdgdgdggd every time i do something happens#one time someone was brushing their teeth (coworker). another a coworker LOUDLY banged on the shared wall in the stall#asked who was in there (mind you we are the only people in this bathroom. theres other stalls. we're both in stalls) and after i#answered they loudly went 'MAR I AM SO SICK OF THIS PLACE!!!' like you didnt have to know it was me 😭#another time the maintenance lady just started cleaning the floors while i was still in the bathroom and she knew i was there#and usually when i have to go/would be getting up to go thats when maintaince does their first cleaning of the day 😭 every time#i hate using it when we're open too like god people are animals what the fuck is your problem be nice to the bathroom stop smearing poop#on the wall 😭😭😭 i wish i was kidding#anyways im gonna go to the movies again finally even though i havent long enough that my brain is like eh im over that#like no! we are gonna go and have fun! it's only $6 for 3hrs of entertainment shut up brain
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