#i will rip these tonsils out if i have to i swear to fucking god
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i am not okay so maybe no new madneyscenes posts tomorrow or for like. the next few days 🙂
#my throat hurts SO BAD i am literally in tears i hate living so much#i will rip these tonsils out if i have to i swear to fucking god#so yeah#soooorrry about that one guy.s#.txt#personal
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Can we please get Loona x Male Sinner Reader? Thanks for your time!
Oh boy, I'm not the best at writing for male readers, but I'll do my best!! Hope you like it <33
Song Recommendation:
Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding
Part 2
The Intern - Loona x Male Reader
"I swear, I'm gonna shoot myself if Blitz has me get him one more cup of fucking coffee," you grumbled, setting down the plastic cup full of the hot liquid.
"Well, that's what an intern does, Y/N," Moxxie said. "They run errands, get coffee, get lun-"
"I get the point, Mox," you mumbled, running your fingers through your H/C hair. "Did you guys need anything?"
"Nah, we're good," Millie said. "Thanks Y/N!"
"Mhmmm,"
"Y/N!!! WHERE'S MY FUCKING COFFEE?!"
"I'm coming! I'm coming!" you cried out, grabbing the coffee cup, starting to walk towards Blitzo's office.
"You better get in there," Loona joked. "You don't wanna see him without his coffee."
You turned your head, hoping to hide the blush creeping up on your face. "He's not that scary,"
At that moment, Blitzo came out of his office, looking very tired and very angry.
He looked scary.
"Y/N, if you don't give me my coffee right now," he said in a deadly calm voice. "I will rip your dick off and shove it down your throat and out of your ass you FUCKING CUNT LICKING BITCH!!!
You looked over at Loona, smirking at you because she was right.
"Sorry Blitz," you muttered, handing him the coffee cup. "Here's your coffee sir,"
He swiped the coffee cup from your hand and chugged the whole thing.
"Ah! Now that's much better!" Blitzo said, stretching out his limbs, throwing the empty coffee cup at your head. "Now go get me some booze."
"What kind would you like, sir?" you grumbled.
"I don't fucking know, anything to get me drunk off my ass," he said, walking back into is office. "It's a get drunk off my ass kinda day."
"Right away Blitz," you mumbled as he slammed his office door.
"You want me to come with you?" Loona asked.
"Oh-uh" you stuttered. "Only if you want,"
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"What's Earth like?" Loona said suddenly, as the two of you walked back to I.M.P headquarters.
"A lot better than Hell, that's for sure," you chuckled, swinging the bag filled with beer.
"How did you die?" she asked.
"What's with all the questions, Loona," you joked. "I was driving home drunk one night and t-boned someone."
"Damn," Loona said. "That sucks, I'm sorry."
"It's whatever,"
There was an awkward silence for a moment.
"Why did you decided to intern at I.M.P?"
You had to think about it for a moment.
"I guess I wanted to learn to protect myself against the exterminators," you said. "And what better way to learn than from assassins."
Loona stayed quiet.
"I don't know if I'm gonna stay an intern, though," you said, rubbing your bicep. "I might just check in to that redemption hotel."
"Well if you do," Loona began. "We'll stay in contact, right?"
"Yeah, of course,"
You and Loona awkwardly smiled at each other. Blush creeping onto both of your faces.
"Hey, you wanna get a bite to eat?" Loona asked, pointing to a fast-food place across the street.
"Sure," you said.
"Blitz would throw a fucking hissy fit if he found we were hanging out,"
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"YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU SAW MY LOONY AND THAT HPV HAVING PRICK LEAVE TOGETHER AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT?!?!"
"I-I didn't think anything of it sir-"
"IF THOSE TWO END UP PLAYING TONSIL TENNIS, I SWEAR TO GOD MOX, I WILL FUCK YOU AND YOUR WIFE SO FUCKING HARD THAT YOUR DAD WILL FEEL IT IN HIS MOBSTER BOSS BALLS!!!!"
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I haven't written for Helluva Boss before, so I hope it's good lol. I also need to rewatch the series. Hopefully we get a new episode soon lmao.
Remember to drink lots of water and stay safe <33
xoxo, Izzy
#helluva boss#helluva boss x reader#loona#loona x reader#hazbin hotel#blitz#blitzo#moxxie#millie#moxxie and millie
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hii i just discovered ur blog and whew wow- tumblr is severely lacking some daddy hemsworth fics so tyyy
idk if your taking requests rn but could i please request something with thor or chris where he’s had a rough day at work or something and is very angry so he’s really rough in bed with you that evening and you love it! also could it include lots of dom!thor/chris and dirty talk bc that’s my weakness
tyyy if u do this sorry if it was too detailed idk ive never sent a request lol but ty hunny <3
So first of all thank you @mysticbonkoperavoid , I'm so glad you like my fics ❤️
And secondly thank you so much for your amazing request, I literally got lost in this filth 🥵🥵 I hope you like it 😘
A/N- This is just pure filth, so consider yourself warned 😂🥵🥵 strictly 18+ only. Dom!Thor literally had me ✨ clenching ✨
Summary- Thor's had a tough day and nothing you do is helping until you let him take out his frustration on you and become his little slut.
Word count- 3,243 of pure filth
Pairing- Thor x reader
Warnings- Smut, filth, dirty talk, rough sex, swearing
18+ only!!!
Taglist-: @innerpaperexpertcloud
Posted: 22nd Feb 2021
⚡A Push Too Far ⚡
Thor had come home from a mission in a foul mood, you'd tried everything to cheer him up. You'd made him his favourite snack, put on his favourite show and even massaged his big, worn out feet. Nothing was working and you were exhausted with the effort. You selfishly couldn't stand the negative atmosphere and just wanted to know how to make him feel better. If he wouldn't tell you what was wrong how could you help? You were so used to him being overly enthusiastic about everything and hated when he was in one of these moods. Something pretty bad must've happened to dampen his mood this much.
"Just tell me what's wrong and I can help" You huff.
"Will you please just forget it? I don't want to talk about it" Thor said, pushing you off gently when you try to touch him.
"I want to know what's happened to put you in such a sulky mood." You said teasing him, trying to get his attention. If you couldn't get him to talk to you then you would just have to help him take his frustration out in the best way he knows how.
"Please Y/N, stop talking about it" He says exasperated, you're pushing the last of his nerves and you know it. It's exactly what you want, you know what he's capable of when he's angry.
"Make me." You say, seeing the switch in his eyes as his jaw clenched tightly, the muscles in his neck straining against the skin. You backed away from him slowly, knowing all too well what was coming.
The ground shook around you as bolts of lightning flew from Thor and his eyes glowed brightly making you shield your own eyes from the sudden glare. Immediately knowing you'd pushed him too far. You were frightened but more than that you were massively turned on, your pussy clenching with ferocity. You knew he'd never hurt you, well never more than you could handle but still, angry Thor was a feast for the eyes. Delicious.
"You better shut that pretty little mouth of yours before I put it to work" He bellowed, his eyes still glowing and his jaw clenched together tightly.
"Is that a promise?" You say under your breath, watching Thor through your eyelashes as he towered over you.
"On your knees" He commanded, with the power of a God, making you weak as his voice rebounded from the walls of the large, almost empty room with a dramatically high ceiling.
"But..." You start before he cuts you off.
"Did I stutter? do as you're told" He urged, looking down at your petite frame before him. His powerful demeanor making you do exactly as you were told. Looking up at him with innocent eyes as you knelt on the hard, wooden floor.
He circled around you, like a wolf and his prey, taking in the sight of you kneeling like a victim. Purposefully not touching you, the anticipation of when he would strike making you hold your breath. Your panties are already soaking wet and the buldge in his pants is straining against his trousers.
Thor moves to stand in front of you, his legs planted a foot width apart while he gazes down at you, a slow, wicked smile appearing on his lips. Tortuously, slowly unzipping his trousers and pulling out his lofty length, gripping it firmly with his two hands.
"I think that pretty little face deserves to be fucked" oh fuck, Thor, now you're talking. Now was your turn to smile devishly at Thor, ready and waiting for him to feed your slutty little mouth with his fat cock.
He disappears behind you, you try to turn around to follow him with your eyes but he grabs your hair, pulling you back. It made you ache but not your head, it made your pussy ache.
"Don't move" He whispers into your ear, still pulling your hair back so you're looking up at him. Pulling a hair tie from his wrist and wrapping it around your hair at the nape of your neck. Wait a minute, where did he get that from? It dawns on you that he's had this planned since the minute he'd got home, the only way he knows how to take his frustration out. Probably knowing you wouldn't be able to take his silent treatment and push him too far in the end anyway. Oh you sneaky man, Thor.
It feels like a painstakingly long time before he's finally back in front of you, his trousers and boxers now discarded on the floor behind you. Taking in the sight of his thick, muscly thighs and his long, thick cock have you licking your pouty lips. You want to reach up and pull his t-shirt off too but he grabs hold of your wrists as they snake their way up his torso.
"Ah ah ah, are you going to be good? or am I going to have to tie you up?” He asks in a gruff tone making you put out your bottom lip as you sit back on to your ankles. Your knees beginning to ache from the hard floorboards.
"Does it hurt?" He asks, watching you whince with a satisfied look on his face "Do you want a cushion?" He says in a teasing voice while you nod your head with pleading eyes.
"What do you say?" Bending to pick up the cushion from the couch and holding it out of arms reach, smiling sinfully.
"Please" You say sweetly, more than happy to play his game. Your whole body aching with need. At last he pulls his t-shirt over his head, his biceps flexing as he does, your heart racing at the sight of his ravishing nakedness. That perfect body is all yours.
"Strip" he says seductively looking you up and down, throwing the cushion on the floor by your knees and pulling you up and against his rock hard cock. A squeel emits from your mouth, his hands gripping your cheeks firmly.
You look at him for a second, dumbfounded. You're used to him taking the lead and ripping your clothes off in a heated frenzy, this is new.
Elated with the fact he's allowing you to give him a show for once, you drape the straps of your dress over your shoulder, pushing him down on the couch with a hard shove to the chest. Watching that slow smile spread on his lips and his cock bounce, satisfyingly, with the impact.
Pulling the dress down to your feet and stepping out of it, standing proudly in your lacey underwear. Cocking your eyebrow at him as you hook your thumbs into the side of your panties, pulling them down a fraction. You stop to move closer to him, reaching your hands out to touch his bare skin.
"No touching or I swear I'll tie your hands" He says nonchalantly, his eyes hungry with lust, you pout at him, disappointed you can't touch him.
He watches you intensely as you finish taking off your panties and bra, holding in a giggle when you throw them at him and they hit him square in the face.
"You smell, delicious" He surprises you when he licks his lips, no hint of a smile on his face just that deep intense glare of a predator. The word 'delicious' rolls of his tongue, delectably. The way he stares into your soul, taking in every inch of your nude body, makes your stomach clench, your pussy dripping with arousal.
"Now back on your knees" He says, standing back Infront of you, his cock eye level.
Grabbing your ponytail with one hand and guiding his cock to your mouth with his other. You open your mouth instinctively, widely, like the good little slut you are.
Thor takes no prisoners and rams his cock deep into your mouth, making you gag instantly. Your lips wrap around his cock, the length and thickness filling you up. He yanks your hair backwards so your looking into his eyes while he slams his cock in and out of your mouth.
"Look me in the eyes while you take my cock" oh for the love of God... and Thunder. your pussy is dripping, aching for it. "Good girl"
He pushes your head down on his cock, as far as you can go. You can feel the tip hitting your tonsils and the shaft throbbing in your mouth. You're gagging, spit dribbling down your chin in a disgusting manner. Your eyes brimming with tears as he rams his cock to the back of your throat.
"Choke on it" he groans, his head hanging back. You feel the confidence to reach out and cup his balls, knowing he wouldn't chastise you when he's too consumed in the ecstasy of your lips and tongue wrapping around his cock.
"Is that better? Are you satisfied now you've got my full attention?" He looks down at you, a deep hunger in his eyes. You were nowhere near satisfied yet, not until you felt his cock stretching your walls but you couldn't tell him that, he'd just tease you for even longer.
"Mmm" you mumble around the length of his dick.
"Don't talk with your mouth full" he scolds huskily, his voice filled with lust.
You hold onto his firm cheeks while you suck his dick, letting your tongue do the work, running over the full length and teasing the tip. Sucking on the tip, hard, while you grip the base with your hand. You can feel his cock throbbing in your mouth, amazed with how hard he is. You know he's struggling with restraining himself, just as much as you, he'll just never admit it.
Thor lets out a deep growl, thrusting his dick into your mouth one last time before sharply pulling out with a pop. You were actually upset he'd stopped you, you were enjoying sucking his fat dick. He pulls you up to stand before grabbing your cheeks in his hands and lifting you up, wrapping your legs around him.
You want to kiss him so bad. You hang on to him as he pushes you back against the wall, hard enough to leave a bruise. The feel of his cock thrusting against you has you mewling as he bites hard on your neck. Shivers travel through your entire body, finally feeling his lips against your skin and the thrill of his teeth biting against your neck. The fine line between pain and pleasure being well and truly explored.
You're lost in the feel of his teeth against your skin and muscle, moaning loudly, you barely notice when he sets your feet back onto the ground. Sucking loudly on your neck, your head hanging to the side giving yourself to him freely.
"Im gunna leave marks all over your skin so everybody knows you're mine." He says breathlessly against your skin, his breathe tickling your neck making your hair stand on end, your pussy clenching, agonisingly.
Thor pushes his forearm against your throat so you're locked in between him and the wall, no where to go. Staring into your eyes, making you blush as he pushes two fingers into your mouth without warning.
"Suck" he commands, his voice gruff and deep, oozing authority. You know his fingers are going to delve into you and you can't wait, sucking eagerly on his legthy, stocky fingers.
Before you have time to draw breath, he thrusts his fingers into your opening. Immediately curling them around to find your G-spot. Satisfaction plastered on his face when he hears your moaning, knowing he's got you right where he wants you.
"You love this, don’t you? Let me hear how much you love it.” He whispers into your ear, his arm still pushing against your throat. You can barely take anymore, his sultry words and his thick fingers making your head spin. Nothing else in the world matters right at this moment, he fills you with narcotic desire. Like a drug to you, you can't get enough, always wondering when you'll get your next fix. If you could get away with making him lose his temper on a daily basis, just so could feel this amount of pleasure, you would.
You moan for him obscenely, you're eyes pooling with desire and hunger. His fingers repeatedly hitting your spot, harshly, bringing you over the edge. Your mouth hangs open, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as your pussy clenches around his fingers.
"Does that feel good" he asks captivatingly, holding is arm against your throat and fucking you with his fingers.
"Amazing" You say breathless, the huskiness of your voice surprising you. His face is so close to yours and your senses so hightened that his masculine scent hits your nostrils. His otherworldly fragrance. The smell you long for on those long nights he's away. It hits you and you're consumed by it, your legs starting to shake as your mind loses control. The orgasm rushing from your core.
Then it's gone, just like that. You open your eyes, noticing they're about to burst with tears. You were so close!
"I don't care how good it feels, don't you dare come yet" he says venomously, you honestly feel like your about to start crying. The build up was so intense and then it was just gone and you still feel that deep need. Thor is looking pleased with himself and if you weren't so turned on by the look on his face, you would've slapped him straight across it. Cocky shit!
You were about to protest, but he saved you from the punishment when he stuck his fingers into your mouth again. Your slickness coated all over them.
"Now see how good you taste, how wet I make you" you looked him in the eyes resentfully and for just a moment you saw his eyes soften. Only a moment before they're filled with fire once more and he's pulling you to the bedroom across the room. Still fighting the urge to finally have his way with you, taking his precious time to tease you beyond your limits. To show you who's the boss around here. As if you ever had any doubts.
Throwing you onto the bed and pushing your knees open with force. You can feel your pussy throbbing with anticipation knowing it's not long until he finally gives you what you've been craving from the start.
Thor effortlessly clamps both of your wrists above your head in a vice like grip with his big, manly hands, leaving you writhing, like his prey, on the bed below him. You breathe a sigh of relief when he finally reaches down to kiss your lips, biting on your bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.
"Keep your hands here" Emphasising 'here' with a squeeze of your wrists. You try to stay perfectly still while he moves down your body, straining your neck to watch what he does next.
“What a perfect sight, you, all spread out for me to do whatever I want to” he says, positioning himself in-between your legs. Seeing you in all your glory, your pussy dripping wet making him lick his lips.
You gasp when his lips latch on to your inner thigh, so sensitive to his touch. Biting and sucking all the way down each thigh, your going to be covered in hickies come tomorrow morning. You know that's his plan, he loves to see the remnants of the night befores dirty sessions. Even if no one else can see them, he knows they're there, a reminder that you're his.
"Just marking my territory" he reminds you, confirming your suspicions.
"I know exactly what you're doing" you say through gritted teeth, the pain and pleasure unbearable.
"Let’s find out how much you can take before you're begging me for my cock.”
All you can do is nod your head while you bite down on your bottom lip, afraid how shaky your voice will be if you try to speak.
The sudden slap to your pussy makes you shout out, completely unexpected but hot as fuck all the same, sending shockwaves throughout your whole body.
"You like that?" He slaps you again, hitting your clit with his fingertips and making you convulse uncontrollably. You can see the restraint on Thor's face, the vein protruding from his neck and the tightness in his jaw are the tell tale signs. You know he's about to burst.
"I love to see you squirm now I want to hear you moan" he grabs onto your hips and turns you over, pulling you on to your knees. His movements getting sloppy and desperate now, the lust taking over him.
You inhale as Thor presses the tip of his cock to your opening, brushing it up and down and gathering your wetness. Your legs threaten to give way as he teases you with his cock, you can't stop yourself from pushing yourself back onto him.
"Do you think you deserve my cock?" his voice was heavy with desire.
"Yes, Thor... Please" you plead, more than worthy after the torture he's put you through.
Thor eases himself in gradually, while you push yourself backwards, no more patience left in you. Holding on to your hips and exhaling, the satisfaction of finally feeling your walls clamping around him. You whince as he slams himself into you with full force, his balls slapping against you. The sounds of sex filling your ears in a glorious way.
"You won't... be able... to walk... after I'm done... with you" he says between every thrust, knocking you forward with every slam. Your orgasm is building already, you can feel your walls tightening, trying to push him out as he holds on to your hips relentlessly.
He grips hold of your ponytail, yanking it backwards, so your head is as far back as it can go, your neck straining. He squats above you, dipping his dick into you, so deep you can feel it in your stomach. This position is fucking everything, he knows you're about to come and sends a slight electrical charge straight through your core just as you release around him. It feels fucking amazing!
Thor reaches forward and hooks his finger into your mouth, pulling your cheek back as he continually pounds into you. Orgasm after orgasm gushing all over his cock, dribbling out of your aching pussy until you're kneeling in a puddle of your arousal. Your screaming his name, your pussy throbbing, squeezing against his cock. You know he's struggling to restrain when he inhales sharply.
"Dirty fucking slut" he says venomously.
"You fucking love it don't you?" His voice is breathless and deep, you can't take much more. The power of your come is pushing him out, making you ridiculously tight. You can feel his cock twinging as his powerful come shoots into you, he roars so loudly the bed shakes around you. You finally collapse into the bed head first, your knees giving way as he rests against you with his cock still inside of you, twitching and convulsing.
"Are you ok, baby?" Thor asks sweetly, his frustration finally dissipated, rubbing your ass cheeks tenderly.
"More than ok" you say breathless and tired, rolling over onto your back underneath him and pulling him down on to you.
Finally his lips are on yours, passionately, forcing your mouth open and stroking your tongue with his. Kissing you like his life depended on it, making up for the hours spent without the feel of your lips on his. A deep feeling of satisfaction washed over you, he's yours and you're his and you can fuck like animals but still collapse into each other arms lovingly afterwards.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?" You tease, making him laugh a great big belly laugh as he pulls you over on top of him.
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Maybe i'm late but, did anyone, like actually have left remus in a small place (for his claustrophobia) for like 4 hours or something just because he did something bad? If yes did anyone just stayed here and heard him suffer? Or actually tried to help him out in secret? Sorry if it is long ^^'
Deceit’s smarmy snake grin never left his confident face. Oh god, Remus was giving him the look. No one ever liked being given the look, something that no Side should ever be subject to, carrying the promise of your emotional vulnerability, a sackful of seeing through your bullshit and a dash of demented purity rivaled only by Patton. And Vir
Deceit cleared his throat, loudly and with purpose. “Well? Go on, Remus.”
Remus rolled his eyes, a childish staple of his that always looked comical. “Oh come on, Nope Rope, you and I both know you spout more shit than a bull with diarrhea after one of your nightmares. So you might as well follow it up with some tea.”
So much wrong had just come out of Remus’ mouth. The man smelled like tonsil stones on a good day yet he still managed to surprise the Sides with horrifying bouts of intellect every now and then. The slimy little bugger.
"Clearly you've remembered what I told you about calling me names."
Remus leaned happily. "Nakey Snakey."
"Remus..."
"Boop Noodle!"
"Remus."
"Dangle Fangle!"
"Remus! Shut up!"
Remus feigned offense. "I'm trying out ones that start with a D!"
"That's not my point! Now distract me with musical ditties as you were instructed, you foul wretch!"
"Slithervester Stallone-!" Remus had time to squeal before Deceit squashed his face with a pillow and snatched the remote. The game was on as if by instinct and Remus tackled him from under the pillow, shrieking muffled. Deceit whacked him on the head, hard, with the remote. Remus was distracted momentarily, so Deceit took the chance and shoved him off of him with more force than necessary, insulting him all the while.
"-you nitwit, you just can't listen, can you, you moron, you bitch, you're so thick-headed, do that again and I swear-"
"You'll what, you'll lock me in the closet?"
All of a sudden, it was like an invisible giant had drowned the room in heavy syrup. The tightness from before returned and Deceit, still breathing hard, glared at Remus with gritted teeth and panicked eyes. The Side was below him, pillow on his chest, grin gone and singlet askew.
That one sentence, although it needed no context to tell who had been on the receiving end of it, brought more distress to the deceitful side than it did to the other, strangely enough. They kept their eyes trained on each other. Neither would admit that they felt like they were breathing molasses and it wasn't sweet. The television had long ago blacked out, a deafening silence following its rather meek departure.
Remus' eyes didn't stop glowing. Deceit's didn't either. None were good signs, but Remus still said, in the rare soft tone his voice could manage at times, "That's the problem, isn't it?"
Deceit swallowed. He turned away and stared at the floor, eyes narrowed to slits. He had put down the remote with controlled harshness on the sofa. He exhaled through his nose and never made eye contact with Remus.
Everyone had their little tics. Remus hated being called scary. Roman was a compulsive perfectionist. Patton had a repression habit. And Thomas didn't want to be a bad person.
Neither did Deceit.
"You know I'm over that, right?"
"... obviously."
That could mean anything, and that wasn't even getting to which part of the question he was answering. Remus bit his tongue. His canines dug into the muscle, and he pulled them out again, breathing in the scent of his own blood. Feeling a bit better, he turned away from Deceit and stared at the black screen of the TV.
"No, really you don't have to worry about it. You worrying about it pisses me off."
Still no response.
"Deceit?" Remus couldn't help but feel a bit concerned at this exchange.
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"Who--who are you?" Fun blurbled at the figure on all fours before him. Fresh tear stains still stained his cheeks, an ear-to-ear smile etched below his eyes.
Something was off. Heart had run away with someone who looked like him, and had left him alone. He'd never do that. He'd always stuck with him through anything, no matter what he said or did. But the look Heart had given him... it was as if he didn't know what to make of him all of a sudden. Less than that, even.
The figure, still cautious and poised to pounce, didn't answer. Its impossibly wide reptilian eyes glowed bright in the dark, illuminating nothing on its entirely pitch black body, and Fun could make out nothing but a few familiar features.
"Are you a--a Side too?"It flinched and hissed at him. Fun found that he didn't duck away from the grotesque mouth that opened too wide. Or more like, there wasn't anything in his head that told him it was gross. He found it cute because it was gross, in fact.
When the brown-rimmed mouth closed, it was as if it was never there. It glared at him through narrowed eyes and spat at his feet.
"Oh."
With all the pure spite radiating off of the thing, it still approached, walking perfectly on its hands and legs. It didn't look clumsy moving like that, and Fun suspected it had always been that way.
"Wh--what are you doing?"Fun tried not to find this tiny demonic thing adorable. Didn't help matters when it planted its face on his sticky, black knee (... huh.) and walked off.
Before Fun could process what just happened, it turned around with the calmest expression and stared. And waited. It wanted him to follow.
As adorable as the thing was, Fun still had his doubts. He didn't want to leave. This was where his friends were. Curious little Learning, sweet as sugar Heart, cowardly yet caring Careful. But he had a feeling they didn't want to see him again.
It broke his heart.
So with a greasy squelch, Fun struggled to his feet and went with the creature.
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"Deceit, you need to stop holding yourself over that. We can't be like the Others."
The further lack of response frustrated Remus. He probably should be trying to comfort Deceit, but that wasn't his type. Tough lo--learning would have to do, it was how it always went. They couldn't afford to be wishy-washy with stuff like feelings.
"Deceit, if you don't stop feeling bad about it I'm gonna smack the shit out of you. With my bare hands. And this morning star."
"Aren't you trying too hard not to be Roman?"
Remus slammed his weapon into the pillow. "Well I think you're trying too hard to be Patton!"
"Wouldn't you think Virgil would have wanted that?" Deceit was weary. Remus breathed in sharply through his teeth and stuttered.
"What?"
"It's clear we weren't the best to him. It's not his fault he left. It was for the best. He needs better than us. He deserves better than us."
"What the fuck!" Remus threw up his hands. "What the fuck, Deceit! What happened to being your own person? What happened to not giving a shit about living up to anyone's standards?! You don't know what you're talking about, because you're tired, and you're just a hypocrite who was never able to see past your own horseshit!"
"I know."
Remus wanted to rip his hair out. Deceit's or his own, he didn't really care. "Jesus Christ! Ugh!"
He flumped into a pillow and screamed into it.
Deceit watched him.
------------------
"You know, it's kinda weird how you don't wanna be called a Side, you know? Like, you look like Heart, and we all know that Heart looks the most like Thomas. So you gotta be pretty important. If you look the most like Thomas. Next to Heart. You know what I'm saying?"
It was still silent. The quiet walk down the tattered corridor had been awkward, and now that they were up the stairs and in some padded room that was probably the creature's, Fun tried to fill the silence as the creature studied him. It prowled around Fun as he sat cross legged on the floor, leaking tar all over the place.
"And, well, Learning is super important too. And Careful. We're all super important." It brushed by his shoulder and stared at his back with interest for a good two seconds before sitting back on its haunches.
"But Learning only looks the second most like Thomas. Careful just likes his hair to be all dangly. Though he clips it back sometimes to fit in? I think? I dunno."
"Anyways, I just thought that maybe once we're done here, with." Fun looked at the creature. "Whatever this is. I could bring you back with me to the others! I just got rid of the bad stuff in me, and once I get all cleaned up, and you too, we'll be all okay again!"
The creature stopped prodding at his back and he could feel it staring into nothing. Fun couldn't help but note the lack of breath on his neck. Either it gave up trying to appear human a long time ago or it was just that short. He giggled at the thought.
But that faded away when he started feeling slight concern. It was too silent. He hated silence. Fun turned to look over his shoulder, then shuffled his body around to peer at the creature, who was now deep in thought.
"Hey bud? What's wrong with ya? Cat got your tongue?" He chuckled. "I've heard that from Learning and Heart a lot. You're gonna love em. They'll help you lighten up! Trust me, we've been through lots together, they'll like you too!"
It lifted its head up and fixated him with the saddest stare anyone could give a Side. Fun felt his excitement at meeting a new friend weather away when he felt that something was terribly, terribly wrong.
A thin line of brown appeared, and widened. It's eyes darted here and there with consideration. It was choosing its words. Fun titled his head as it strained to force out words.
"Not."
"Uh. Huh? You can talk!"
"Fun."
"Wait, what are you saying?"
It bounced in place with clear frustration. After clutching its head and shaking it, it tried again.
"You. Not." It tried once more. "You. Not! You! Not! Fun!"
Fun withered under its glare, a little hurt. "I'm not fun to be with? I'm sorry, uh-"
"No!"
Fun's heart ached for the thing, confused and intrigued. All of them learned how to speak along with Thomas. How was it that this Side didn't?
"Gone."
"..."
"Fun. Gone."
"I really don't understand."
"Fun." It drew a capital F in the air. He nodded, a little less lost. It nodded too.
"Fun. Split. Gone. You. Green. Half. Heart. You. Red. Half. You." It was closer now. It stuck a finger onto Fun's chest, sorrowful expression looking like it was supposed to be welling up with tears. Its jaw trembled. "Half. Bad. Half."
"Not. Their. Fun."
Fun wasn't so sure about anything anymore. He understood it perfectly, he just really didn't want to. "You can't be serious."
It was. It looked as if it has never been more certain of anything in its life. It lowered its head.
Panic gripped him like no other and his mind began racing. He gestured wildly.
"Then--then who's that other half?! They can't go on without Fun! Thomas can't go on without Fun!" The partial emptiness that he'd been trying to ignore a long time ago had grown more apparent as he ranted. "I can't let that happen! What will they do?"
Half. Bad. Half.
It struck. 'Fun' felt his chest drop to his stomach. "They. I'm the bad half."
The creature was still as a statue."They--they think--they think the red me is--is Fun, they, Learning, Careful, H-Heart--they don't know me."
The black and green outfitted grease blob blubbered on. "It's--it's not fair! I know them! I drew pictures with Thomas, I came up with our names, I--I'm--I know what Fun knows!"
He desperately turned to the creature in front of him. "They can't do this! I-if the other me is Fun, then I'm Fun too! I'm still Fun! I still know them! I still love them! At the very least, I'm still one of Thomas' Sides!" The creature silently stared as he kept talking, as his words blurred together with cries of anguish, as he put his forehead to the floor, bunching his sash in his hands. All tears had run out earlier, and there were only bawls of despair that dissolved into whimpers.
The humanoid grease blob didn't know what to call himself anymore. But it still wasn't fair at all. The truth was that. They thought that their Fun had returned from the battle, sword held high and rid of the beast. To them, Fun was better than ever.
But what was he?
------------------
"When you explained in your dumb loophole way that my stupid ass brother wasn't me, it was the first time you had advice you didn't follow, did you?"
"Remus, you can't pretend you don't feel the same."
"Fuck off!" Remus groaned. "I'm not pretending for anything, Dee, I've said it multiple times, I have nothing I want to hide! But you can't be serious about wanting to be like Patton!"
Deceit pondered his answer. "I may or may not have considered it."
Remus let go of Deceit's shirt slowly. He still fixated him with fierce angry eyes as his fingers loosened, setting the smaller Side down a little. So he didn't actually think it. Just a passing thought. Okay then.
Deceit straightened his collar and smoothed out the wrinkles in his outfit. And he was back to looking sullenly at the a spot on the carpet.
Remus swallowed. God, this was harder than it needed to be. He wondered if this was how Deceit felt when he was younger, rawer in his state, unable to speak in anything but opposites. He didn't have to teach Deceit how to not speak in opposites, because the more they raised each other, the more Deceit's black scales had resided and his speech freedom loosened up.
They always talked it out, they always had to stick close. So why was it so hard now?
------------------
The squeal of unbridled joy when it was introduced to noir films, the long bath chases, the practice with his creations and tentacles, the nights spent splayed out messily on the same bed after a nightmare. It was simple. So simple.
------------------
Deceit could feel the stare from Remus leaving him. God, if that moron tried to comfort him now he was going to explode. His eye would leak tears like a broken faucet and he would be a pathetic blubbering mess, and Remus would have blackmail until the day Thomas finally died.
He swore he could feel the long exhale and mutterings as Remus thought on what to say. He really didn't care, in the end. Deceit wanted nothing more than to do his job and think nothing of anything ever again. He didnt--
"Virgil's gone, and there's nothing we can or could do about it. Because of how we are. It's jackshit to say we can change our nature. Nothing. Nada. Zero." Firm hands with black acrylics gripped his shoulder and turned his tired eyes onto Remus' own.
"Feeling sorry for yourself won't change anything. Things happen, jackoff."
Deceit's breath hitched, but he didn't quite feel like crying, oddly enough. Strange that through gritted teeth and eyes that could gleam death to anyone who doesn't know Remus well, he felt more clarification than all his thoughts combined. His mind had chanted a mantra of things his whole life, and what Remus said was only one of them. Deceit had been hoping to finally hear them from an outside source. But somehow, someway, Remus had found a way to make this line of reasoning sound less harsh.
Unpredictable as always.
"Remus. I.."
He placed his hands gently on Remus' wrists, patted twice. Remus let go and studied him, an air of sternness and also nervousness apparent in his face. They simmered in the unsaid apology, sitting on the couch in their lonely, mangy living room, like it was a vague yet satisfactory ending to a movie. That was how all their arguments would usually end, but it was rarely in any way fulfilling.
Deceit thought on it. Swallowing the hard lump in his throat, he choked out a laugh. "God, we're such a mess."
Glad the tension was broken, Remus smiled, ugly shark teeth in full view. "Yeah we are. We're the Mindscape's dumpster fires."
They were delirious with more emotion than they experienced on a daily basis, and they both chortle along to Remus' weak joke. Jesus, if you could lose fat due to mental work as well as physical, Thomas would be underweight by now.
Remus shook his head. "Honestly, you can't think too much about it. Just think of all the times we battered each other in this place, and you'll feel better about the closet thing."
Deceit snorted. "How is it that I'm more affected by it than you? Like all the times you ripped out my hair."
"Or all the times you silenced us whenever you felt like it."
"Or all those times you slammed me in to a hard surface."
"Remember that one time you left me in the closet for a week?"
"I still remember how I silenced Virgil for a month."
Remus snapped his fingers. "Yeah, Virgil, I remember how many times he gave us hallucinations. Sometimes he'd give us panic attacks for the hell of it!" He laughed.
"He was always quite the hothead."
"That's not even counting his stabs. Not just with a knife."
"Knowing you, that could mean anything."
Remus swooshed his hands in a rainbow-shaped gesture gleefully."Oooooh, whatever you want it to mean!" The joke was lacking and childish, but Remus' delivery was so goofy.
Deceit chuckled, back of his hand pressed daintily to his mouth as always. Remus giggled in short bursts of high-pitched derangement along with him.
Then it dissolved into awkward silence as they pondered their situation, up at ass o' clock in the morning, sprawled over the couch in undignified manners, dim light flickering because they were too depressed to fix it, talking about unreasonable hostile behavior so casually like they were fond memories of family vacations.
"... let's go make breakfast."
"Okay, Caution Ramen."
"I'm sorry?"
"Hazard Spaghetti. Murder Spagurder."
"...what."
"Judgemental Shoelace."
"Oh, shut the fuck up."
------------------
"No! Get away!" The sobbing figure cowered away from the green and yellow-tinted Sides, if you could call them that.
Bad Thoughts put his hands out. "Woah, woah, hey, we won't hurt you! Much."
Deceit slapped Bad Thoughts as the Side, who was slowly fading into a full black and purple from the legs up, put his hands in his hair and screamed louder. "Shut up! Go away! I'm sorry! Please! I hate you! Go away!"
"Well that's a lot of mixed signals." Bad Thoughts muttered. Careful looked a lot different from what he had remembered. He was seeming more tired and grievous. A faint spark of recognition flashed across Careful's eyes when he peeked up at him, but ducked away when Bad Thoughts stretched the arm with his morning star.
Without a word, Deceit knelt down and wrapped his arms around Careful. He flinched, but he stopped sobbing at least. He was still breathing hard when BT decided to join in, planting himself as softly as he knew how to on Caution.
"You're okay," Deceit murmured. "You're alright. You won't hurt anyone. You won't do that."
Caution hiccupped, staring at the ceiling, eyes brimming with angry tears. He hissed though gritted teeth."How--how do you know? You don't understand, I cause so many problems--"
"Yeah, we do. We know that. But that's you." Remus said. "Who cares if you do? Causing problems is what we do around here. You can't blame yourself for doing what you do best."
Caution was still dubious. He was sniffling. Slowly, he put his arms on Deceit's back. "I don't want to make more trouble."
Deceit lowered his head onto his shoulder. "Just come with us. We cause trouble, but whether you want to do that is up to you."
The black was receding, but the purple still lingered a little. All four of Caution's eyes blinked.
Remus pulled away, leaving only his hand on Careful's shoulder. His old friend, who didn't know who he was, who was meeting him for the first time. "Besides, I don't think you meant to cause that breakdown."
Caution finally turned and looked, actually looked at him for the first time since they were children. "You don't?"
"Nope!"
The purple color was down to his knees again. The black was gone.
"But," Caution started, both Sides pulling back to give him space. "But, it was so unnecessary, and--and the whole damn class was watching, and the other sides were freaked out-"
"Yeah, so? It was cool! Don't you think it's some way of letting everyone know that Thomas was upset? Things were getting hairy and you pulled it off perfectly." Remus gave an exaggerated chef's kiss in the air.
"That power is something only you hold, storm cloud." Deceit said. "Like Remus said, it's who you are. It was quite the display."
Caution eyed them suspiciously. "Yeah, well, you guys would think so."
"Don't you see? If you come with us, you can learn to control that! You can choose your own rules, you can choose when you want to have influence over Thomas!" Deceit lowered his voice. "You can protect Thomas by forcing the others to hear how much you try."
Caution didn't make eye contact, finding it difficult when two people stared at once. But he was thinking about it, clearly. The others had been trying to ignore him lately, and no one had to be a genius to figure that out. The rise and fall of his chest grew a little quicker as he realized how unfair it was that he was just trying to be a Side, and Thomas didn't care. The spite and betrayal was evident in his eyes, the same that had plagued Bad Thoughts and Deceit so many times in their childhood.
It was decided.
He looked up with grim determination. "C-call me Fear."
Previous parts here and here
Claustrophobic Remus post here
#long post#very long post#my art#my post#sanders sides#sanders sides angst#kid sides#thomas sanders#character!thomas#roman and remus#creativitwins#creativitwins angst#remus sanders#sympathetic remus sanders#duke remus#sympathetic deceit sanders#deceit sanders#deceit#roman sanders#princey sanders#patton sanders#morality sanders#logan sanders#logic sanders#virgil sanders#anxiety sanders#dark side virgil#dark sides#janice sanders#janus sanders
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Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 12: THE HARD-BOILED HEAVIES
There are some villains I like. And there are some villains I don’t like. But why do I feel about them the way I do? That’s where this comes in.
This is a mini-series of mine, in which I’ll be going into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the villains in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, and why I think they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. Keep in mind that these are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions! I don’t bite. :>
Anyhow, for today’s installment, we’ll be covering the rotund oppression squad of Sonic Mania, and celebrated improv artists among the Badnik community: the Hard-Boiled Heavies.
The Gist: Sonic the Hedgehog and Miles "Tails" Prower were heading to Angel Island in pursuit of a mysterious new jewel that their nemesis, Dr. Eggman, was on the hunt for. Unfortunately for them, a squad of Egg Robos had already beaten them to the punch, because literally everyone in the Sonic universe is faster than Sonic. Upon being unearthed, the jewel in question - the Phantom Ruby - wasted no time in working its magic, and with its unexplained distortion efforts, it sent Sonic and Tails (and Knuckles) to Green Hill.
Also, it gave the Egg Robos more than a few nifty accessories.
The king was on his own with finding the tip of his scepter though.
Thus began a new adventure that proved to the non-believers that this franchise can in fact work beautifully when the characters have gameplay mechanics in common with each other and aren't going around picking up guns and turning into werehogs. Sonic was on a mission to get to the bottom of the Phantom Ruby shenanigans, but his upgraded opposition, dubbed the Hard-Boiled Heavies, did whatever they could to stop the hedgehog's pulse, which largely involved making use of old Badniks in refreshing and exciting new ways... much like themselves.
This is a more compelling take on Arthurian legend than the entirety of Black Knight.
All the while, Eggman carried on using the Phantom Ruby to his heart's content to make things even more difficult for our heroes, like teleporting them away as often as a Kirby final boss, and giving Metal Sonic a brand new Final Smash. Eggman planned to use the Titanic Monarch, a giant robot that made the monsters in Shadow of the Colossus look vertically challenged by comparison, to achieve his lifelong dream of taking over the world. Complications arose however, when the leader of the Heavies decided he wanted the Phantom Ruby for himself. Sadly for him, this was not an Adventure Era title, meaning Eggman actually fought back, and on equal terms at that. Sonic, with his super form, was forced to take on Eggman and the King at the same time.
In a stunning revelation, Sonic defeated them both. But not before the Phantom Ruby itself teleported the hedgehog away one last time, to a different time completely, where he would experience a different journey altogether... Then he came back, did the whole thing all over again, and now he's cracking a cold one with the boys (and King, for some reason).
Fucking 4Kids censors at it again.
The Designs: The Heavies are still Egg Robos at their core, so they share the same general body structure. Don't assume that makes them indistinguishable however, for they've been given a lot of bells and whistles that play to each of their thematic motifs, right up to their weapons of choice.
Heavy Gunner is a robo-bobby:
"You're nicked, hedgehog... But before you're sent to the chair, are there any pencils you'd like me to sharpen for you?"
Heavy Shinobi is a stealthy ninja, despite being neon green:
He speaks entirely in fortune cookies.
Heavy Magician is always dressed to impress:
These guys certainly do make me feel like magic.
Heavy Rider is a rough n' tough knight of the round table... if that table was Eggman's:
She dances when'ere she's able.
And the top dog, Heavy King, is suitably imposing without trying too hard and looking accidentally hilarious in the process, unlike certain other villains in this very series:
Why did he watermark his chest hair?
His Majesty also gained a second form during his final battle, which sacrificed his legs for size, power, and high quality Tee Lopes rips.
And a chimney for his head.
These designs already go far to give the Heavies their own sense of individual character. As you'll soon notice however, that's only half of it...
The Personalities: You can laugh all you want, but these Egg Robos in a game with no dialogue whatsoever managed to show vastly more personality than many of the villains in this franchise WITH dialogue. Look at this shit right here, and tell me they don't immediately ooze charm like it's nothing.
Pictured: Love at first sight.
And this extends to your confrontations with each of them. Gunner is crafty, and willing to sacrifice his own men to cover his ass, but the panicked look on his face when things go south for him is very relatable.
"Wait... I'm in a Sonic game...? ...For Sonic fans...? ...Oh god..."
Meanwhile, Shinobi puts up a cool and suave front, and never hesitates to go in for the kill, but he's not above playing around for the sake of his own cockiness.
Magician is a bubbly showoff, always popping up to mess with the heroes at a moment's notice. But she's also rather affable, and well-mannered to her mortal enemies.
Almost makes up for the Strangelove hands.
And Rider is perpetually in the midst of a cocaine rush, as her thirst for thrill and fun never sleeps. Yet she appears to have great affection for her pet Motobug, Jimmy.
Finally, King is a no-nonsense frowny face with a Sean Connery accent who is sick of his fellow Heavies' shit, who can nonetheless back himself up as the group's undisputed leader.
They may be fairly straightforward, but through the subtleties of their animations, there's a lot of life put into these guys, and their characters don't start and finish with their default trait like so many before them. You don't need to be Shakespeare in a Sonic game. You just need to be memorable and entertaining while fulfilling your role. And the Heavies do that with considerable ease.
The Execution: This might come as a surprise to you, but I love the shit out of the Heavies.
How can you hate this???
You have to understand that an overwhelming number of villains in this franchise not named Eggman have not only ranged from mediocre to terrible, they've also had a tendency of feeling the same as each other. When it's not a giant monster with little backstory of genuine interest, it's a guy dressed in all black who does evil for evil's sake. And that's without adding the recolours and their penchant for gaining disproportionate fandoms simply for being recolours.
Why is it, then, that a group who are all based on the same robot succeed where those villains fail?
Well, I'd argue there's a few elements at work there. The obvious one is that they're simply better implemented, and they leave an impression through their boss encounters and animations rather than whether or not they played tonsil hockey with Shadow or Amy in a fanfic. Another factor is that unlike other villains, they were never hyped up to be the Raddest, Baddest, Greatest Enemy of All Time for Sonic, and thus they didn't run the risk of not being able to live up to that claim. They were allowed to simply exist and do their own thing, as one addition to help compliment an overall package.
You could also argue that their status as a group works in their favor too, as it helps to make each of their traits pop out that little bit more. And they're honestly really clever with their strategies, like how Magician transforms into forgotten characters to spice things up, or how Shinobi's shurikens aren't actually shurikens, but rather Asterons, one of the most notorious enemies in the series. And need I mention Rider using a goddamn Motobug like it's a steed? These characters could have been very throwaway, but there's a surprising level of thought put into how each of them work, and giving them a characteristic spin that works to Sonic's tastes, and considering this is the same franchise that gave us a bad guy named Black Doom, I'd say it's worth noting.
"...Please explain why Boobie Bots Weekly is in my search history."
So yes, in this world where Dooms and Mephiles's's's's's's have been running rampant, the Hard-Boiled Heavies share their creator's honor of making a name for themselves. And as much as I have a fondness for the Deadly Six in spite of their issues (Zazz and Zor are still hilarious, fight me), I will agree without argument that the Heavies are a much better execution of the quirky boss group format on the overall side of things. And I swear to GodJesus and the Bear, if they never make a single appearance past their debut, I will be a very sad panda. If they can give Silver and his tiresome schtick countless second chances (and failing to make it interesting every single time), they can sure as hell give these juggernauts another go.
But until then, at least we still have Mania. Now if you'll excuse me, Shinobi's about to teleport behind me. Hope it's nothing personal.
Crusher Gives the Hard-Boiled Heavies a: Thumbs Up!
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Sunday Breakfast
Summary:
A nice sunday breakfast ends in a discussion about relationships and a lot of swearing.
Authers Note:
This is my first fanfiction.
There are so few Jamie Fanfictions and I couldn't resist to bring this on paper.
English is not my first language but it would be a crime to write this in german and waste this precious accent. Sooo, I know my grammar is aweful and I have a limited idea about the english punctuation. When your eyes start to bleed, feel free to contact me, I can scream at my english teacher then.
A general warning... this is the crossest man in scotland, so there is a lot of swearing.
“What the actual fuck? She’s wearin’ the blue dress so it’ll be a boy? Didn’t the brainless people of Great fucking Britain have more important problems than the gender of the little tittsucker, which she’ll squeezin’ out of her royal vagina?”
Jamie looks up from the issue of The Sun with a face as if he never heard something more disgusting than the discussion about the new baby of Kate and William.
She looks at him from the other side of the breakfast table.
It’s Sunday, Jamie isn’t allowed to read a real newspaper on Sundays. There was too much damage to the china in the past. So he’s condemned to go through the shitty magazines, which are laying around.
“The people are just interested in the doings of the Royal Family”, she replies dryly.
He’s almost choking on his Lemon Zinger. Coffee is also a big No on Sundays. It’s like pouring jet fuel in an apocalyptic hellfire and she has no desire to play firewoman so early in the morning.
Jamie secretly enjoys the citrous taste of the tea, but god forbid that he would ever admit it out loud. Actually it is quite relaxing not having his hand shaking all over the place and sporting a nearly normal heartrate.
If there wouldn’t be this fucking blue dress and the article in The Sun about it.
With his bare feet propped up a chair, dressed in a flannel pyjama bottom, a white t-shirt and hair slightly askew he continues to rant about the dress choices of the Duchess.
“A blue dress, the same blue dress she was wearin’ before. Maybe she just bloody likes the colour blue or is not so influenced by the idiotic fashion twats so that she actually wears a dress more than one time before it goes to a stupid auction where some wanker pays a million pounds for it, just to spread his cum all over it while listening to Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” in his Moms garage”.
She rolls her eyes. ”It’s just a dress Jamie. Are you not a little bit curious about the gender?”
He sneers at her. ”Why should I? It will be so far away from the throne that the corpse of Queen fucking Mum would look like an agile, young lassie in comparison, when it’s his turn to reign.
And why it’s even important? You are the damn gender-equality-feminist-shit here. You should burn yer bras and chanting that we are all equal, carrying around signs, which say “Queens rule” or “Victoria was more a man than Henry VIII”, in front of the Palace. Till the fucking guard drags you away kickin’ and screamin’ like the good old frigid Emeline.”
“Emeline Pankhurst wasn’t frigid, you massive chauvinistic prick”, she gives back.
“Oh come on, a little dick up her fang filled cunt would’ve made her not so smug and glum. Hell, I would’ve fucked Emeline Pankhurst. A good Scottish lay in the hay. And when she’s finished, gasping for air and reachin’ for a cigarette, I would’ve enough energy left to ram my cock up the shitters of people who care about dress colours and baby genders. There would be no time debatin’ if it’s a boy, a girl or a fucking amphibious creature with five eyes. Nevertheless takin’ bets on that best example of a bloody insignificant subject”.
Silence…a very suspicious silence.
Jamie throws The Sun, which is almost ripped to shreds on the table and looks with huge, shocked eyes at the woman in front of him.
“You are fucking jokin’, aren’t ya?”
“What? It were just ten bugs”, she has the dignity to look embarrassed.
“Are you fucking nuts? You take your hard earned money and use it on such a stupidity? Why you don’t just flush it down the toilet…oh, or give it to Mark Zuckerfuck, he doesn’t have enough of it already. You could although start a foundation which will build a machine to suck the cocks of little, teenage boys with no arms and legs”, he rants on.
“Wouldn’t it be enough, when they just hadn’t got arms”, she scrunches up her forehead. “I mean, it’s quite difficult to masturbate with only your legs, or not?”
Jamie looks at her, deep in thought, then his eyes wander to his legs and then to his crotch, contemplating the possibility. Then he realises on what he’s wasting his precious brain capacity and shakes his head.
“Fuck You!”
She laughs. ”No need, you did that last night.”
He grins at her. ”Yes, I did, pretty thoroughly.”
Now that he is in a better mood she decides to change the subject to a more serious one. No time like the present. Her smile fades and she says:” You know it’s about time to tell Uncle Malcolm?”
There it goes, his smug smile dribs of his face like diarrhea out of a hairy asshole. His whole body goes rigid. When you look closely you can see a little panic in the eyes of the crossest man in Scotland.
Blind, naked panic. Jamie thinks it’s probably the first time he ever experiences this feeling.
He doesn’t like it.
It’s definitely more fun to raise terror in others. Shit, if he imagines the face of the bringer of darkness, when he finds out that his very carefully cultured enforcer, some even would go so far and call them friends, fucks his niece, he starts to feel little droplets of fear-piss in his boxer briefs.
“Jamie? It would be quite practical, if you say something. You know, conversation. Two people talking to each other”, she gesticulates between them and then waves her hand in front of his face. “Jesus Christ, stop looking like a dear in the headlights. It won’t be so bad.”
“Not so bad? Not so fucking bad?” he exclaims, raising out of his stupor. “No, it won’t be bad, it will be a fucking shit hurricane. A shit hurricane who morphs together with a tsunami of piss and on top of it a nice fuckload of STDs…and the plague…the good, old, medieval plaque with bumps, purulence and blood coughing till yer lungs comin’ out and wringin’ themselves around your neck and strangle you to death.”
“I think you are overreacting, he likes you”, she says. “You don’t have to go into detail how we’re fucking around. We just sit down and say:” Malcolm, we are in a relationship. Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas. Let’s get the Scotch and have a laugh about it.”
Jamie takes his feet off of the stole and starts to skit restlessly on his chair.” Are we?”
“Are we what?” she asks,
“In a relationship?” God fucking Lord, there is heat raising in his face. Em-fucking-barrassing. He feels like his balls were chopped off.
That’s right, every time he comes over he takes a nice sharp razor blade, cuts off his nuts and hangs them over her night lamp by himself.
She doesn’t have to ask for it or do anything. From the start it was like that. When he saw her for the first time he even forgot his favourite curse word.
And now he’s sitting on a good damn breakfast table and talks about relationships. Maybe they should braid their hair next and toss some glitter in the air. He could buy a white horse and ride it through London with fairy wings on his back, so that every fucking one sees it.
Jamie “the bloodhound” MacDonald gave his manhood to a female 5’2 dwarf with a sharp tongue and a death glare gifted from fucking Satan.
“Well, we certainly fulfil the basics”, she interrupts his pink and fluffy train of thought.
“Oh, the relationship basics. Where did you get these? From the Cosmopolitan? Right next to “How I loose five tonnes of weight while only eating cabbage and farting like a sailor, so that you are thin like a stick but no one wants to put his stick in you”, now he feels better, it’s easy to push uncomfortable thoughts away with a good rant.
“James, could you be serious for one time in your bloody life? Just shut your filthy motherwell mouth”, she says with a deep sigh.
No, he definitely can’t do that. It’s deep embedded in his genes to spread a massive amount of expletives out of his mouth with 300mph and no one can stop him.
“Don’t call me James. Only my Grandma did that and she was a scary old bitch. Shoutin’ like a lunatic and hittn’ me with her shoe just because I didn’t eat my beans. And I hate beans. These green, flailing monsters of vegetable shit which taste like the cum of a very old man with tripper.”
“I will be the scary one here, if you don’t stop now and have a serious discussion with me. I won’t just hit you with my shoe, I will shove it up your arse so high, that it can roast your tonsils over a little campfire”, she thunders.
Jamie raises his hands. “Okay, calm down, oh mighty witch of the east. The family genes startin’ to show and I find that quite disturbing on a number of levels.”
“Very funny”, she continues in a more taken aback voice. “You have the choice face my wrath or Uncle Malcolms. I think we better tell him about us now, before he finds it out by himself.”
“How the hell should he find out that we have our happy time together”, he asks. “I am certainly capable of keeping my mouth shut”,
She lets out a not so lady like snort and raises an eyebrow on him.
“Hey, I hold secrets of the government I my brain and don’t go blubberin’ them out to everyone how knocks on the door of my cheap apartment”, he exclaims offended.
Their argument is interrupted by the ring of her doorbell.
“See, doorbell ringing and I am perfectly content to keep all my thoughts to myself”, he says.
“Jesus Christ, is the apocalypse upon us or are the hordes of Dschingis Khan racing through the fucking city?” he shouts as it chimes for a second and a third time.
“For Christ sakes, it’s fucking Sunday”, she gets up and crosses the hall to her front door. She throws it open, ready to give the person a piece of her mind, who dares to interrupt her breakfast.
“Oh bollocks”, she sighs, when she realises who is standing in front of her, with a bag from her favourite bakery in hand and a smile that slowly turns acidly.
“Good morning to you too, sunshine I thought it would be a good idea to visit my only family member whose company doesn’t make me vomit, but it seems you are rather occupied”, Malcolm says while contemplating her attire with a raised eyebrow.
“This shirt looks awfully familiar”, he presses through his teeth.
You could hear a distant crashing sound and a string of muffled curses from the kitchen.
Malcolms smile turns feral.
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Warning: Mentions of making out, boners, cussing
@reddietoship
“Alright, Richie. It’s your turn.”
Richie hummed, and rubbed his chin as if deep in thought, although he already knew his answer. “Dare!” He never denied a dare, they were his favorite.
Bev grinned, and looked around the room for a minute. Eddie was the only one missing, having gone to the bathroom to wash his hands vigorously after letting Ben lick his palm.
“The whole week before Halloween, you have to scare Eddie in any way you can.” Bev told him, now smirking wide.
“Fuck that!” Richie Tozier just denied his first dare ever. He knew better than that, Eddie would kill him before the week was over. Or worse, break up with him.
“No, c’mon, Rich! It’ll totally be fun!” Bev told him.
Richie shook his head, “Nope, nu uh, I’ll take the sriracha shot.” He reached for the bottle, and the, so far, clean shot glass
“Richie, c’mon,” Bill piped up, “It’ll totally be fun for us! I’ll even throw in a twenty if you scare him once a day.”
That gave Richie an idea. How much money could he get out of this?
“No, not for twenty.” Richie shook his head again, and began pouring the shot.
“I’ll throw in ten.” Ben said grinning.
“I’ll give a five.” Mike nodded.
“Me too, but five’s all I’ve got.” Bev told him.
“I’ll give another ten.” Stan smirked, “If fifty dollars is all it takes for him to break up with you, I’ll pay the price.”
Richie raised his eyebrows, and put the shot glass down on the table.
Richie Tozier now had a mission. A mission that was probably going to get him killed. But honestly, he couldn't deny a dare, nor could he deny the sweet fifty dollars he was getting from the rest of the group to do this. He just genuinely hoped Eddie would forgive him. He was sure a fifty dollar date could cure it, maybe. Ah, who was he kidding? He was going to have so much fucking fun with this.
SEVEN DAYS UNTIL HALLOWEEN
Richie crashed at Eddie's the night before, which definitely made it easy for him. He hadn't brought his supplies over last night for today's scare, but he did tell Mike to bring it over. He quietly crept out of Eddie's bed and down the stairs. He met Mike in the empty Kaspbrak driveway, and thanked the Lord that Sonia was out. He could get away with this without her freaking out too.
Mike handed over the supplies with a cheeky grin and a shake of his head. Richie only nodded in response, shot him a wink, and headed back inside the Kaspbrak house.
Still sleep rumpled, Richie tiptoed up the steps and into Eddie's room. He zipped open the bag as softly as he could, and pulled out the head. It was quite mangled looking, with bulging eyes, rotted teeth, and green gunk trailing out of every orifice. He had to restrain his giddy giggles as he tied a string around the hook on the crown of the head, and attached it to a pole.
He bit his tongue as he padded quietly across the floor and settled the head where his own had been laying minutes before. It was facing Eddie. Richie stood on the other side of Eddie, and as softly as he could, spoke.
“Eddie, baby.” He whispered into his boyfriend's ear, even going so far as to press a little kiss to it. “Wake up, we've got to get ready for school.”
Eddie stirred, and that's when Richie lifted the head a bit.
Eddie definitely woke up then.
A loud screech left the short boys mouth as he smacked his hands at the disgusting, floating head, his body scooting back until he fell off the bed. Richie attempted to catch him, but didn't do to well as he was also now on the floor, laughing his ass off.
Eddie's whole face was red as he glared at Richie, “Are you fucking kidding me?” He growled, standing up from the floor and dusting himself off.
Richie couldn't respond, he was laughing way too hard.
SIX DAYS UNTIL HALLOWEEN
Earlier that morning, Richie had snuck into the boy's locker room during Eddie's gym period. He, of course, knew the combination to Eddie's lock so it was an easy in. He pulled it open, and grabbed for the boys fanny pack. He unzipped it, and as meticulously as he could, extracted the others inhaler.
This was probably a stupid idea. But when were Richie's ideas not stupid?
He had a couple of little plastic bugs that he stuck in the mouthpiece of the inhaler. He knew Eddie did his best to not use the thing at all anymore, but he knew an exact way to get him to use it.
And that's where they were now. Lunch period. All of the losers were sitting outside, enjoying their food and the fall air. However, Eddie had somehow ended up in Richie’s lap, and the two of them might have been hardcore making out. It wasn't an uncommon sight, honestly. They played tonsil hockey rather often around the others.
Any time Eddie started to pull away, Richie didn't let him. He had to do this a few times before he was sure. Eddie always used his inhaler when things got a little too heated in public. It was his way of signaling the need to calm down, without explicitly saying it.
Richie finally allowed Eddie to pull away, but not without tugging on his bottom lip. He gave the boy a smirk as he unzipped his fanny pack and dug his inhaler out.
Just as he was about to put the mouthpiece to his lips, he stopped. His whole body jolted and he threw the inhaler away with a shout.
“What is it, baby cakes?” Richie asked with a smirk.
“B-bugs..in my...that's so gross...how the...what else did they get into?!” Eddie tore his fanny pack off and ripped himself out of Richie’s lap. He dumped everything out of his fanny pack and screeched when a lone bug fell out.
And then he actually looked at it.
“You dick! You could've killed me! What if I'd used it without looking!” He smacked Richie’s arm about a billion times.
“I wasn't going to let you inhale a plastic bug, Eddiekins. No worries.” He was laughing again. Richie couldn't help it.
“Go get my inhaler, asshole.”
FIVE DAYS UNTIL HALLOWEEN
Richie was happy that Eddie had calmed down since yesterday. The bugs in his inhaler had really pissed him off. Richie was sort of surprised that there were any still in the mouth piece, but either way it would have worked out.
He was laying with Eddie on the boys bed, combing his fingers through his loose hair as the other worked on homework. Richie was also scribbling down the odd answer, not really too focused on his school work at the moment. He was trying to make Eddie sleepy. He knew it was working when his pencil fell out of his fingers.
Richie continued on playing with his hair for the next few minutes. He really wanted to make sure the other was asleep. He finally got up and went to work. He had smuggled in plastic spider's and cobwebs.
The package crinkled all too loudly, so he went into the bathroom to open both of them up. The began with the cobwebs, stringing them across the room and on his bed, on his dresser and his desk. It looked like no one had been in the room for years.
Satisfied, Richie weaved himself through the web and began strategically setting up spider's. He had at least twenty of them covering the space.
But he left the best for last.
A rather large, rather real looking tarantula was to hang from the ceiling and in front of Eddie's face. As carefully as possible, Richie attached it to Eddie's ceiling. He had to use his desk chair to reach, but he made it.
He settled himself back next to Eddie, and waited. He watched the tarantula softly swing back and forth in front of the others face, guided by his soft snores.
Finally the swinging went far enough, and it bumped into his nose. Eddie startled awake. A girlish squeal left his lips and he kicked and punched at the swinging spider before it fell. His eyes met the rest of the room and he screamed again, shocked.
Boy, did he look angry when his brain woke up more.
“RICHARD TOZIER!”
“Hey babe!”
“YOU’D BETTER CLEAN THIS UP! NOW!”
FOUR DAYS UNTIL HALLOWEEN
Richie was excited for this one. He even convinced Ben and Mike to help. Ben was more on the refusing side, not wanting anything to do with Richie’s pranks, but he finally convinced him.
Mike and Ben sealed him up in a box and carried him to Eddie's front door. They knocked a few times before rushing off and Richie sat in silence.
He knew Eddie was home.
Finally, he heard the creaking of the floorboards near the front door, and the door opening slowly, as if Eddie was expecting him.
He heard a huff, and shuffling away, before he came back. “Richie, I swear to God if this is another prank, I'm kicking your ass.”
Richie had to restrain himself from chuckling, and broke out from the top of the box, screaming loudly.
Eddie squealed and punched at him, effectively landing a few on his chest.
Richie grunted a few times before grabbing his boyfriend's hands.
“Let me go!” Eddie yelled. “You're such a fucking asshole, Tozier!”
Richie tugged the clown mask off his face to grin widely at Eddie.
“But you still love me, right?”
“Fuck you.”
THREE DAYS UNTIL HALLOWEEN
Tonight's prank was stupid. Richie knew that. But he was grinding down to nothing at this point. His ideas were getting dry.
And maybe he was playing down for the next two days so that one ahead would be particularly bad.
He was an asshole. He knew.
He really wasn't trying that hard with this one either.
He had a small bottle of red food coloring in his pocket. All of the losers were eating pizza together at Bill's house, and watching horror movies.
When Eddie turned away from him, Richie pulled out the bottle and squirted a bit of it up his nose. It resulted in him sneezing, but at least now it looked less like he'd just poured it up his nose and more like his nose was bleeding.
“Ah, shit.” Richie muttered to himself, swiping at his nose with his arm.
“Wha-Richie! Don't smear that all over your skin that's gross!” Eddie screeched, scooting away from his boyfriend.
“No, no, it's fine. I've been having them for the past few days.” Richie stood and started to head to the bathroom to clean up.
“What? The last few days? Then there's something wrong! You need to go to the doctor!” Eddie followed him.
“No babe, it's fine. It's nothing.” He turned on the faucet and started cleaning it off his arms.
“No Richie, it's not fine! You probably have a brain tumor or something!” Eddie huffed.
Richie shook his head, and continued rubbing the dye off of his arm. It was staining his skin, which wasn't good. He leaned under the faucet and started scrubbing at his face, not wanting the red there for who knows how long.
“...Richie I swear to god, if this is another prank.” Eddie growled from his side.
Richie lifted his head from the sink and gave his boyfriend a sheepish grin.
“At least you didn't scare me that much this time…” Eddie turned and left the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
TWO DAYS UNTIL HALLOWEEN
Today was another easy day. Today he was just going to periodically sneak up on the boy and scare him. This was sure to be fun, even if his boyfriend refused to kiss him before he went home.
The first time he did it before class started, rushing up behind him and grabbing his side's. Eddie flinched and gasped before realizing it was Richie and smacking his arm.
Richie didn't get a good morning kiss.
The second time Richie just saw him in the hallway on accident between classes. Just before the boy reached his classroom, Richie put a hand around his mouth, and his other snaked around his waist. He could hear the muffled scream, before Eddie turned around and stomped all too hard on Richie’s toes.
“God dammit! I thought I was safe on this side of the school!” Eddie huffed.
Richie just grinned, and pecked the boy’s lips, before hopping off to his own class.
The third time had been on accident. He’d just come around a corner and the two of them smacked right into each other. It had startled Eddie enough to drop his books. Maybe not so much as a scare, but it still happened...and Eddie blamed him.
The last time was probably the best. Richie told Eddie to meet him at his truck after school, instead of on the front steps. When Eddie approached his car, Richie hopped out of the bed and landed in front of him, yes, scaring him.
“Fuck you. I’ll walk home.”
It was a fake threat, but Richie decided that was the last one, simply because he wanted to keep a hold of his balls.
ONE DAY UNTIL HALLOWEEN
Richie knew this one would piss Eddie off more than anything. And he almost felt bad, but he was running out of ideas here and tomorrow was the last one. He was going to go easy on Eddie for the last one.
He had invited Eddie over to his house because he knew the other would freak out even more if he'd done this in his room.
But Richie wasn't going to mind if the red didn't come out of his floor. Honestly, it would just be a reminder of this amazing week.
Richie had Bev help him this time. She was rather good at makeup. She made it look like he'd been hit in the back of the head with something. The gash was rather large and real looking and Richie knew Eddie was going to kill him for real this time.
He laid, face down, on his floor, and Bev went to work. She made it look like a real crime scene before shoving herself in the closet and hiding.
It was another ten minutes before Eddie started coming up the stairs.
“Richie you'd better not be planning anything else!”
He could hear him loud and clear.
His bedroom door swung open. “Rich-”
A sob sounded through the room, and Richie felt his heart break. This wasn't a good prank, not at all. He stilled his breathing as much as possible.
Eddie rolled Richie over onto his back and pulled him into his lap, blubbering and crying. Richie could feel tears hitting his cheeks.
Eddie started hyperventilating and that's when Richie knew he had to stop. He sat up quickly and held Eddie's head to his chest. “I’m sorry… I'm sorry…”
Eddie punched him harder than he had the whole time.
HALLOWEEN
Richie had something simple planned for the day. It wasn't a big deal. He really wasn't even planning to do it until later tonight.
So when he rounded the corner in the school, and a scream sounded out, Richie knew he didn't even have to do his prank tonight.
He'd already scared Eddie.
“God damnit, Richie! I'm fucking tired of this shit! Yesterday was fucking terrible! I can't get that image out of my mind, you ass! And now you're hopping around corners to fucking jump scare me?! No! I'm fucking done, Richard.” A finger was jamming harshly into his chest. “I'm. Fucking. Done. You're the worst boyfriend in the goddamn world and I'm not fucking taking it any more! It's over, Richie! I'm not...I can't…”
Richie could physically see Eddie's anger dissolve into exhaustion, and his heart broke. “Hey,...I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't have done this… I mean it was fun for a little bit but…” he brushed some of Eddie's hair out of his face. “I just wanted to have money for once. To take you out on a nice date, you know?”
“You did this for money? For me?” Eddie asked, stepping a bit closer to Richie.
“Yeah...I did. I'm sorry it hurt you so much.” Richie pressed his forehead against Eddie's.
“I'm sorry too...for getting mad.” Eddie tells him, voice soft.
“It's okay. I deserved it.” Richie grinned down at Eddie. “But that's it. It's over. I can collect my money and take my boy out on a good damn date.”
“You'd fucking better, Tozier. You're still in the dog house.”
And he did. The day after Halloween, Richie took Eddie to a nice restaurant in Bangor. He let him pick anything he wanted. The bill amounted to about forty dollars for the both of them. After they had full bellies, they went on a short walk in the park, killing time before their movie.
“I’m sorry, again.” Richie told him, lifting his hand up to press a kiss to it.
Eddie shrugged, “It’s okay, just next time tell me what’s happening. If we can get more money out of those guys let's do it.”
Richie grinned down at his boyfriend, “You’re an evil little thing, aren’t you?”
“Did it take you this long to find out?” Eddie teased right back, “You must be a lot slower than I thought, Trashmouth.”
“Hey, that’s not nice.” Richie pouted, bumping his hip softly against Eddie’s.
“Who said I was ever nice?” Eddie retorted, shifting to wrap his arm around his boyfriends waist.
Richie lifted his arm to drape across Eddie’s shoulders.
“Hm...I think Bill said it one time, but I can’t be sure… You know, the stutter and all...makes it a little hard… you know what else is a little hard?”
“Beep beep, Richie!”
#reddie#halloween#richie tozier#eddie kaspbrak#fanfiction#it fanfiction#richie tozier fanfiction#eddie kaspbrak fanfiction#reddie fanfiction
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Heathers (1989) Sentence Starters!
Dear Diary...
Real life sucks losers dry.
If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly.
You're beautiful!
What is your damage?
Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?
This wouldn't be that bizarro thing you were babbling about over the phone last night, would it?
Hey, I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to your birthday party last month.
Think I'd probably miss my own birthday for a date.
I was looking around the other day and I dug up.. these old photographs.
I was talking to somebody.
Check this out. You win five million dollars from the Publisher's Sweepstakes, and the same day that what’s-his-face gives you the check, aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow up the world in two days. What do you do?
Why can't we talk to different kinds of people?
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
Do I look like Mother Theresa?
Does it not bother you that everybody in this school thinks that you're a piranha?
What are you gonna do with the money?
I'd pay Madonna a million bucks to sit on my face and have her ride like the Kentucky derby..
That's gotta be the most spooky-assed question I ever heard.
You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing.
You used to have a sense of humour.
You know, maybe you should see a doctor.
God, _____, drool much?
Greetings and salutations.
There are no stupid questions.
That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.
Let's kick his ass!
We're too old for that kinda crap.
You gonna eat this?
What'd you say, dickhead?
Can you bleach out urine stains?
I thought you had given up on high school guys.
Did you have a brain tumour for breakfast?
So, tonight's the night. Are you excited?
You blow it tonight, and it's "keggers with kids" all next year.
So, what was the first week of spring vacation withdrawal like?
Hey kid, isn't the prom coming up?
I gotta motor if I want to be ready for that party tonight.
Are you gonna pull a super-chug with that?
If you're nice, I'll let you buy me a slushie.
I see you know your convenience-speak pretty well.
That thing you pulled in the caf today was pretty severe.
Yeah well, the extreme always seems to make an impression.
Did you say a cherry or coke slushie?
Is your life perfect?
I don't really like my friends.
Maybe it's time to take a vacation.
I want to kill, and you have to believe it's for more than just selfish reasons
So, when you go to college, what subjects do you think you'll study?
How's my little cheerleader, huh?
Come on, now look, I don't feel so good, okay?
Hey, let's do it on the coats, it'll be excellent, huh?
You know, I have a little prepared speech for my suitor when he wants more than I'm prepared to give him.
Save the speeches for Malcolm X.
You don't deserve my fucking speech.
I sound like a fucking psycho!
You stupid fuck!
You goddamn bitch!
You were nothing before you met me.
Lick it up, baby. Lick.. it.. up..!
Monday morning, you're history.
I'll tell everyone about tonight.
Dreadful etiquette, I apologise.
I saw the croquet set-up in the back. You up for a match?
Thank you, that was my first game of strip croquet.
I use my grand IQ to decide what colour gloss to wear, and how to hit three keggers before curfew.
I say we just grow up, be adults and die.
I'm a no-rust-build-up man, myself.
Don't be a dick.
I think last night we both said a lot of stuff we didn't mean.
How the hell didcha get in here?
What did you do, put a phlegm globber in it or something?
I'm not gonna drink that piss.
Grow up!
You think I'll drink it just because you call me chicken?
Just give me the cup, jerk.
I just killed my best friend.
What're we gonna tell the cops?
I can't believe this is my life.
I'm gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford.
At least you got whatcha wanted, y'know?
It is one thing to want somebody out of your life, it is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.
We did a murder, and that's a crime
You might think what I've done is shocking -
People think that just because you're beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun.
I die knowing no-one knew the real me.
Have you done this before?
Keep things business as usual.
We must revel in this revealing moment.
You call me when the shuttle lands.
Where's your urge to purge?
Sorry to hear about your friend.
Let's talk emotions.
Are we going to be tested on this?
How many networks did you run to?
What're you talking about? You hated her, she hated you.
Gosh, pop, I almost forgot to introduce my girlfriend.
Goddamn will somebody tell me why I smoke these damn things?
I gotta motor if I want to be ready for that funeral.
Jesus, God in Heaven, why didcha kill such hot snatch?
Jeez, people are so serious.
Hi, I'm sorry.
I just want my high school to be a nice place.
Did that sound bitchy?
So, we on tonight, man, or what?
That pudwacker just stepped on my foot.
When I get that feeling, I need sexual healing.
Sorry, I'm feeling a little superior tonight.
Seven schools in seven states, and the only thing different is my locker combination.
Our love is God.
Let's go get a slushie.
The funeral yesterday must really have been rough, eh?
It's more tasteful than it sounds.
I left them drunk and flailing in cow shit.
No, don't shut up, I'd like to know exactly what I did.
Yeah, I didn't expect to be calling either, I just guess my emotions took over...
I was wondering if you wanted all those things you've been saying to really happen?
It's always been a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once.
Listen, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over.
Do you take German?
Tell me the similarity is not incredible.
The joy we shared in each others arms was greater than any touch down, yet we were forced to live the lives of sexist, beer guzzling jock assholes.
I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
So, should I just whip it out, or...?
I was kind of hoping you could rip my clothes off me, sport?
Did you miss him completely?
Hey, I heard something out there, I'm checking it out.
Does this answer your question?
You believed it, because you wanted to believe it.
Your true feelings were to gross and icky for you to face.
I did not want them dead!
My teen angst bullshit has a body count.
Are we going to prom or to hell?
I've seen a lot of bullshit.
Is this as good for you as it is for me?
I need a copy of all this by Monday for my Princeton application.
It was chaos, fucking chaos.
Chaos is great!
Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.
We scare people into not being assholes!
God, you can be so immature!
Hey, they're playing our song!
That's it! We're breaking up!
You can't bring them back, you must know that.
I am not trying to bring anybody back, except maybe myself.
And to think there was a time when I actually thought you were cool!
Blow up a couple of toasters or something.
Kind of scary though that everybody has got a little story to tell.
What is this? Blackmail?
I'll ask you to do me a favour, it'll be one you'll enjoy.
Don't you start getting cocky on me now.
Do you know I'm still a virgin?
Nice guys finish last. I should know.
Are you telling me this is not a time for troubled youth?
I don't patronise bunny rabbits!
I guess I picked the wrong time to be a human being.
You were out of control!
Hey babe, I need a name.
God has cursed me, I think.
What are you trying to do? Kill me?
That's about the least private thing I can think of.
If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?
If you're happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host.
What do you say we knock off early and buy some shoes or something lame like that?
People love me!
People love you, but I know you.
Some people need different kinds of convincing than others.
Don't talk to me like that, OK?
Jealous much?
Why are you such a mega bitch?
Want to go out tonight? Catch a movie, you know, some miniature golf?
I knew you'd be back... I knew it.
You were wrong, and I was right!
You've been depressed lately.
Get off of my bed, you fucking psycho!
Do you think you're a rebel? Do you actually think you're a rebel?
You're not a rebel, you're a fucking psychotic!
What do you think I'm gonna do with it? Take out their tonsils?
I've got a meaningful marked-up Moby Dick, what else does a suicide need?
Is this turning out weak, or what?
My afterlife is so boring.
If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time...
I loved you! Sure, I was coming up here to kill you...
Our burning bodies will be the ultimate protest to a society that degrades us.
Talk about your suicide pacts, eh?
What do they want, a written invitation?
Whether to kill yourself or not is the most important decisions a teenager can make.
Put your hands on your head.
Do you think that just because you started this thing you can end it?
I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you, I swear to God!
How do I turn off the goddamn bomb, asshole?
You want a clean slate as much as I do.
The only place where different social types genuinely can get along with each other is in heaven.
Do you know what I'd love, babe? Cool guys like you out of my life.
You've got power... Power I didn't think you had.
Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?
You look like hell!
My date for the prom kind of flaked out on me...
I was wondering, if you aren't doing anything, maybe we could rent some new releases? Pop some popcorn?
#heathers#heathers 1989#rp meme#sentence starters#ooc#long post#i tried to narrow it down but look#100 follower celebration
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As per the request of @my-insanity-is-irrelevant, here goes nothing. Not even gonna reblog the ask meme post bc I’m literally answering every question rip
1. What is you middle name? Marie. #basic
2. How old are you? 19.
3. When is your birthday? May 31.
4. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini. I’m actually two people and they’re both snakes.
5. What is your favorite color? I honestly don’t have one, they all have their perks. I do tend to favor cooler and darker colors tho
6. What’s your lucky number? 7 and 9, but odd numbers tend to treat me nicely in general.
7. Do you have any pets? Three! A Boxer named Buster, and two 14 y/o cats named Asheley and Nadia. Here’s hoping for many more in the future. :’)
8. Where are you from? Born in Seattle, raised in the greater St. Louis area, and going to school in Muncie, IN.
9. How tall are you? 5′6″
10. What shoe size are you? 8 in American women’s size.
11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Oh lord. Probably like 15 because I refuse to get rid of any, but I only wear like 4.
12. What was your last dream about? Roller coasters and an ex being nasty. DJ Khaled was there.
13. What talents do you have? I’m fairly good at reading people, and also drawing. I’m also a quick learner, if that counts as a talent?
14. Are you psychic in any way? I wish. I have a weird force of karma that seems to follow the people who have hurt me around, but that could be coincidence. I’ve helped check other people’s energies (as well as my own) before, but my knowledge is limited and I don’t think I have the sense of self to pursue that right now.
15. Favorite song? At no point in my life have I had just one, but “Fury” by Muse and “Love is Mystical” by the Cold War Kids are up there right now.
16. Favorite movie? Wonder Woman was so, so good, y’all. I also like
17. Who would be your ideal partner? daisy ridley right now, my standards are both really low and really high. Just...someone I get along with and who gives a rat’s ass?
18. Do you want children? I think I might, yeah. Depends on who I end up with, but I like the idea of making small humans and showing them how the world works. Teaching others has always helped me figure shit out, anyway.
19. Do you want a church wedding? nooooo thank you
20. Are you religious? Not in the sense that I participate in organized religion, but I do believe in aspects of many different religions. I’m particularly fond of reincarnation.
21. Have you ever been to the hospital? I had to have my chin stitched up when I was like, 3. And also I had my tonsils out at 10.
22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Nope, and I’d prefer to keep it that way.
23. Have you ever met any celebrities? I met Paramore the summer before my junior year, and I met Jensen, Jared, and Misha from SPN my senior year!
24. Baths or showers? Showers.
25. What color socks are you wearing? au naturale i’m barefoot bitches
26. Have you ever been famous? one time i did a drawing and it got 100 notes
27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? noooooo maybe C-list at most
28. What type of music do you like? I’ll listen to just about anything, but I lean towards alt rock, metal, punk, some indie if it isn’t too hippie-ish.
29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nah
30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Like...7?
31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my stomach with my top half wrapped around a pillow or a blanket.
32. How big is your house? Two-story, four bedrooms. Parents raised three wild kiddos here
33. What do you typically have for breakfast? A smoothie or a sandwich when I’m actually up in time.
34. Have you ever fired a gun? No, but I’d like to at least try.
35. Have you ever tried archery? yes and i ain’t no katniss
36. Favorite clean word? Maverick (that’s one of many)
37. Favorite swear word? Fuck. it’s just so versatile
38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 60 hours or so
39. Do you have any scars? On my heels, chin, thighs, hips, and over my wristbones. I’m clumsy, have pets, and have self-harmed.
40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? An anon flirted w me on Tumblr but it was someone in my French class, lel. Wasn’t a secret for too long.
41. Are you a good liar? White lies, yes. Big lies, noooo.
42. Are you a good judge of character? Generally?
43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Not a whole lot on my own, but I’ll pick up anything I hear regularly.
44. Do you have a strong accent? Not really? I just kinda talk and drop bits of different accents here and there. I don’t think I have that much of a St. Louis accent.
45. What is your favorite accent? I have a soft spot for slight Southern accents. Eastern European and Australian are also awesome.
46. What is your personality type? sad
47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? A $120 jacket from Zumiez. It’s HUF brand but I bought it for the wolves on it tbh
48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes and it comes in handy w girlfriends
49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie
50. Left or right handed? Right
51. Are you scared of spiders? I used to, but I’m getting better. They startle me but I’ve carried a wolf spider outside so
52. Favorite food? changes by the hour tbh tho chicken is always good
53. Favorite foreign food? Shepherd’s Pie.
54. Are you a clean or messy person? Clean, but disorganized. My room is cluttered but not like, dirty.
55. Most used phrase? "Oh my god.”
56. Most used word? like
57. How long does it take for you to get ready? depends. not usually over 45 minutes unless I’m getting Fancy.
58. Do you have much of an ego? Not really.
59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Yes.
60. Do you talk to yourself? More than anyone else.
61. Do you sing to yourself? Yes, especially when I can’t hear my own voice.
62. Are you a good singer? N o
63. Biggest Fear? Forgetting and being forgotten.
64. Are you a gossip? drama that don’t involve me is the best drama
65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Goodwill Hunting aaaaaa
66. Do you like long or short hair? On myself, defs long. I love pulling it back too much for short.
67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Yep! I
68. Favorite school subject? English. Also psychology.
69. Extrovert or Introvert? Extrovert with trust issues, abandonment issues, and that shuts down a lot. and also clinical depression
70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No, but I’ve been snorkeling!
71. What makes you nervous? Anything has the potential to make me nervous, tbh. But not knowing things is The Worst
72. Are you scared of the dark? Oh god yes
73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do when it’s something small. Big mistakes are things you gotta figure out for yourself.
74. Are you ticklish? Less and less over time, tbh.
75. Have you ever started a rumor? Never on purpose. I’ve heard a few things I’ve said get distorted and spread but I try to Cut That Shit Out Quick
76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I was a President of a few clubs in high school, captain of the swim team, and a manager for the track and cross country teams.
77. Have you ever drank underage? Whenever I can, tbh. Not even to get drunk, necessarily, it just tastes good
78. Have you ever done drugs? Only weed with a close friendo of mine. I also may have saved a few narcotics from my wisdom tooth removal for a rainy day
79. Who was your first real crush? My best friend in middle school. That was a doozy.
80. How many piercings do you have? I have doubles in my ears, so 4. I’d like triples and possibly a septum piercing.
81. Can you roll your Rs? Yep! Sometimes I do it by accident when speaking
82. How fast can you type? Not very tbh
83. How fast can you run? That depends on why I’m running.
84. What color is your hair? Dirty blonde.
85. What color are your eyes? Blue-gray.
86. What are you allergic to? Certain kinds of deodorant and also tumblr
87. Do you keep a journal? I mean I scribble down stream of consciousness shit when trying to Cope w things, but I don’t keep one regularly.
88. What do your parents do? Dad’s an engineer, mom’s the HR person for a whackass ad company w fun people
89. Do you like your age? I mean I’d rather be able to legally drink, but I’m a legal adult but it doesn’t feel Real yet so I guess it ain’t all bad
90. What makes you angry? When people are mean for literally no good reason.
91. Do you like your own name? it’s aiight. people trying to pronounce my last name is amusing
92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? I like the name Oliver a lot for a guy? But really I guess it’d depend on my what my wife likes
93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? dog
94. What are your strengths? I know people and can communicate pretty well, and I’m generally good at being pretty friendly. Also I can swim so if someone throws me in the water the joke is on them
95. What are your weaknesses? Can’t be left alone for long periods of time, relying on one person for everything, and ignoring myself and other friends, compulsive tendencies, and an overall obsessive personality.
96. How did you get your name? Named after my dad’s grandma, iirc. Except Claire instead of Clara.
97. Were your ancestors royalty? I’m sure someone was idk
98. Do you have any scars? didn’t I answer this already
99. Color of your bedspread? Black and white at home, orange and purple in my dorm.
100. Color of your room? Very dark forest green. I like it lots.
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Text
Acceptance
Characters: Dean x Reader
Word Count: 2315
Summary: Dean finds the reader with the Supernatural books.
Warnings: Smut, Slight Angst, Some Fluff, Unprotected Sex, Slight Pain!kink, Angry!Dean, Swearing
A/N: This is the last installment for this series, Jealousy/Acceptance. Hope it isn’t too strange or preachy. Thank you so much for all the awesome feed back I received from Jealousy. I’m really blown away. Special thanks to @notnaturalanahi and @justanotherwaywarddaughter, for helping me get over my writers block for this story.
Jealousy
You took another sip of coffee and turned the page.
The boys were out. They’d finished a hunt and were on their way home. Presumably you had a few more hours to yourself. You were content with waiting, curled up on the bed in Dean’s room.
Dean had been almost resistant to leaving you. Since the night you’d first slept together, he’d hardly let you out of his sight, even in the bunker. Not that he’d discuss why with you.
You smiled distractedly, turning another page. It was Dean and you knew his aversions to vocalizing his feelings. He opted for a more physical approach.
You shivered. Not that you minded.
He hadn’t sad it in so many words, or put voice to the relationship between you two, but he held you tightly each night in his sleep and filled you in way that left your body pleasantly aching from being loved too hard.
You squeezed your muscles tightly, trying to recapture the faded echo of Dean’s touch, dimmed somewhat from the days he’d been gone.
It didn’t matter what you were, or even how long it would last. You just enjoyed the time you spent with him.
You turned to the next page, skimming over the chapter. Your heart clenched. Years passed or not, it still made you ache to think of him suffering.
Warm arms wrapped around your shoulders, that familiar smell of hotel shampoo and something undeniably Dean, filling your senses. You turned, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
He was home early.
“What are you-,” Dean asked, snatching the tablet from your fingers. You turned, watching him calmly as he read, and waited. “What is this,” he asked, nervous anger not far beneath the surface.
“The Supernatural books,” you said evenly, holding out your hand for the tablet.
“Wh-what? Why?” His face darkened, his brows furrowing, anger gathering around him like a thundercloud. You waited for the rain to fall.
You shrugged again.
“Why not?”
Dean couldn’t look at you. He was staring at the page like you’d caught him in a lie. You could understand way. On the page he was tonsils deep into Cassie, delving into her with the same intensity and devotion he showed you.
“Doesn’t it bother you,” he finally asked. You took the tablet from him, gently urging it from his frozen fingers.
“It doesn’t bother me.”
Dean’s eyes snapped up to yours, and you could see flames there, threatening to burn him if not contained.
“So, it doesn’t make you jealous at all?” There was a thinly veiled edge to his voice. You furrowed your brows, tilting your head to the side. Did he want you to be jealous?
“No.”
“Oh,” Dean sighed, looking away. The fire was replaced by hurt. You struggled to think of something to say before he finished erecting a wall between himself and what hurt him, currently: you.
“I like seeing you happy.”
“What?” He was urging you to go on, needing an explanation, needing your reassurance. You thought maybe you understood.
“I want you to have love in your life, Dean. I want you to be happy.” He refused to look at you, still eying the tablet as if it might bite him. “Even if I’m not the one giving it. All those women, all those past relationships, I’m not jealous of them. I’m thankful. They took care of you, they gave you what you needed when you needed it.”
He was silent for a long while.
You waited. Not rushing him, giving him the time he needed. He opened his mouth several times to speak. When he finally spoke he was in short bursts, like rapid, clustered gunfire.
“I’m not grateful to the men you’ve been with.” His jaw flexed, but as he spoke he gathered more momentum, words coming until they were an avalanche. “I’m not. I hate them. I hate them so much. I hate the thought of them touching you. I hate thinking of you with them. I can’t – even just thinking about it makes me feel sick.”
He was unable to meet your eyes, his hands twitching, drawn between reaching out for comfort and twisting into self-deprecating fists.
You slid into his lap, nudging his chin with your thumbs, urging him to look up at you.
“I chose you, Dean,” you murmured against his lips. You kissed him gently, urging the curdling anger from him with soft kisses. “So, don’t compare yourself to ghosts.”
You kissed him again, more firmly this time, but his mouth was still a stoic wall. “You think my feelings are a commodity and that you’ll starve if you can’t have them all.”
You kissed him again, and still he was impassive. “But, you don’t have to take me. I’m giving myself to you.”
Suddenly you were on your back on the mattress, Dean’s solid frame pressing you into the duvet. Dean’s eyes were so hungry, his kiss to urgent, it left you hollow with want.
There was no pretense, not build up. You needed him inside you. You needed the worry, that inevitable festered when he was gone, to be fucked away. You needed reassurance that could only come from your coupling. What was more, you needed Dean to feel it, too.
You let him undress you, ripping at your shirt and pants, leaving your skin singing in anticipation.
As he shucked his cloths, you stared at him, clenching your thighs together at the immediate response to seeing him bared for you. There was a band around his upper arms, a line dividing sun-kissed tanned skin from the creamy white flesh perpetually obscured by his shirt. You longed to drag your tongue across those converging boundaries.
Your gaze dragged down his chest, speckled with hair. Biting your lips, you anticipated the gentle burn of his chest hair rubbing against you, leaving curly remnants across your body like abstract tattoos.
Once naked, Dean paused to stare at you, his chest already heaving from the arousal you’d sparked in him. Gently, he knelt between your legs with the coiling energy of a predator.
Spread out beneath him, legs spread wide, his ravenous eyes drinking in your slick pussy, should have left you feeling exposed and vulnerable, but instead it made you squirm in your own skin, finding a sensuality in the act of being seen.
He nudged your neck with his nose, before sucking at the juncture of your neck and shoulder, leaving a greedy bite mark and a purple, marbled bruise.
“Dean,” you screamed, rubbing your chest to his, rolling your hips in the vain hope of slipping his cock where you needed it most. Dean held resolute, his will iron.
“Say it,” Dean demanded, his fingers tightening in your hair. His eyes were wild, saturated with a wanton, pleading hunger. “I need to hear you say it.”
“Fuck me,” you whispered, your words followed swiftly by a strained groan as his fingers twisted in your hair.
His chest was heaving, but otherwise he was still above you.
“Again,” he said hardly, color rising in his cheeks, his eyes growing more and more desperate.
“Fuck me, please,” you shouted, thrusting your hips against his again. If he didn’t move you were going to go mad.
He pushed inside you with one single, brutal thrust. His face was a ragged tapestry of want, driven by an uncontrollable urge to mark and consume you.
Your breath caught in your throat at the sensation of being suddenly filled, his length and girth stretching your walls, making you feel so full, so complete. A shriek slipped from your lips belatedly, your mind finally catching up with the primal sensations of your coupling.
He paused then, watching as you heaved, adjusting to his cock.
“God, the way you feel,” you hissed through gritted teeth. “Feeling you stretching me. I’ll never get tired of this.”
“Christ, Y/N,” he grunted at the sensation. He rocked his hips forward and you gasped at the shallow thrust, seeking more. Dean leaned down, lips ghosting over your neck, his hot breath and ragged stubble tickling your skin, the heightened sensitivity leaving you a trembling mess beneath him.
He rocked forward again, another brutal thrust that send your fingernails digging into his back, head thrown back.
“Please, Dean,” you gasped, not sure what you were begging for. But you needed to give him what he needed, whatever it was. You needed him to use your body for his own release, a coupling that would undoubtedly end in your own completion.
Dean’s control snapped. He thrust into you in earnest, splitting you open like a man possessed. You were lost to the sensation, momentarily unable to move as he fucked you.
“So good,” Dean purred, his praise drawing a strangled groan from your throat. His words ran over you like silk. “That’s right. Take it, take my cock.”
You clenched your inner walls around him, his words sending a shiver of desire down your spine.
Your fingers scrabbled across his back, trying to find purchase, trying to scream and scratch the growing pressure from your body. It was too much, too intense, too perfect. When you came it was going to be an avalanche.
But you let him hold your squirming body, legs already shaking, as he plowed into you, his cock bottoming out in your body with a precision and stretch that promised lingering soreness. His cock dragged against the mouth of your cervix, letting the bitter edge of pain mingle with the sheer intensity of his movements.
“Shit, Y/N, the sight of you,” Dean grunted, his green eyes almost black.
He was lost in you. You could see it burning in his eyes. It wasn’t just sex; with each thrust he was reaffirming your relationship, reminding himself that you were here, that you’d chosen him, that you were allowing him inside your body; with each eager snap of his hips he was proving himself to you.
“Come for me, Y/N,” he groaned into your ear. “Please, I need to feel it. Need to make you come.” He was holding back, warding off his own release until you’d finished. The thought fizzled through your brain like an electrical short, sending shocks of want to your core.
“Come on my cock, Y/N,” he practically begged. “I need it.”
Your release was explosive, dragging through your limbs. You opened your mouth to scream, but were suspended in the sensation. The intensity grew, bottled inside your shaking body, with no release. It echoed and amplified, rattling inside your brain, curling inside your toes, singing like a live wire in your core.
When you did cry out, you screamed, convulsing, pressing into the feeling that burned through your nerves like wildfire. Dean continued to rock into you.
When your eyes slipped open you almost came again from the sight of him, teeth bared, driven by a feral, ravenous urge to consume you.
It wasn’t about jealousy or possession. It was bonding, primal, unadulterated, brutal bonding. It was an inexorable connection that erupted from the depths of your mingled need, leaving you shaken in its wake.
You felt him trembling above you, every nerve alive with the feel of you. The oversensitivity of clit and pussy, still recovering from you orgasm, left you high on lingering bliss. You stared up at Dean with lazy, unfocused eyes,
The reality of it would never fail to astound you. After so many years of watching him, wanting him, he was finally here, sliding into your cunt so smoothly you could cry. It was so much better than your fantasies, so much better than the men you’d slept with because they merely resembled him.
But here he was, hips slamming into yours, the slick pull of his cock through your wet channel ringing like music in the thick air, enunciated by his guttural thrusts. He was chasing his orgasm, slamming into your body as if it was his last for deliverance.
You slipped your fingers into his short hair, pulling him down towards you. Whimpering, you licked the shell of his ear, tasting the bitter, salty flavor of his sweat. You sank your teeth into his ear with no warning, feeling him shudder from the pain.
“You’re mine,” you whispered harshly, lips moving around his ear, teeth still embedded into his flesh.
His release was immediate. He grunted, thrusting once more before he came.
You felt his cock swell in your oversensitive cunt, feeling the hot ropes of cum that flooded into you. Dean heaved, hips spasming as he spilled his seed into the hidden depths of your cunt, fingers leaving divots in your skin that would fade into purple, inky marks by the next morning. You would run your fingers over them in the shower, feeling the ache and remembering this moment.
But for now you held him as he lost himself in your body, drinking in your comfort and the feeling of your soft, sweat drenched skin. You basked in the realness of this moment.
His cock twitched inside of you. You shuddered.
Dean Winchester’s cock buried in your cunt, his sated weight pressing you into the mattress, was a prayer incarnate.
He rolled off you with a reluctant grunt, and you sighed at the soft drag off his cock as it slipped out of your body. You were careless to the mixture of his seed and your wetness that ran down your thighs to dirty the sheets. Instead your rolled over, pillowing your head on his shoulder.
“I trust you,” you whispered, kissing the flaming pentagram over his heart.
You wondered if his jealousy had abated, if it ever would. It was a beast that would not be tamed easily. It was ritual and comfort, both prison and guard. It was fire and destruction.
“I trust you,” Dean murmured. Your heart swelled, leaping giddily in your chest. “I trust you.”
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#spn#supernatural#dean x reader#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester#smut#dean smut#dean winchester smut#spn fic#spn fanfic#spn fanfiction#spn imagine#spn oneshot#spn smut#spn fluff#spn angst#supernatural fic#supernatural fanfic#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural oneshot#supernatural imagine#supernatural smut#supernatural fluff#supernatural angst
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