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rewh0re · 5 months

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MORE THAN JUST A DREAM ; GETO SUGURU

—wc: 3.2k, fluff, no curses au, college au, alcohol consumption, new year's kiss, ocs (reader's friends are ocs), implied oc x gojo, use of the pronoun 'she' once (except that it's gn! reader), gojo is RICH

a/n: I had to repost don't even ask it wouldn't show up in tags😐 anyways happy new year baby boos take this geto fic as a gift. REBLOGS + FEEDBACKS ARE APPRECIATED!!

divider cred: @/benkeibear

Gojo Satoru's annual New Year's Eve parties were a lavish affair. Set in the luxurious penthouse that he owned which he would only use for parties he hosted. There was a myriad of alcohol—all from the finest and most renowned brands—to choose from. There was music, there was dancing, there was a fucking champagne fountain for Christ's sake.

For a party hosted by some college student, it sure was a grand event. From freshmen to seniors, everyone attended it, dressed in their finest cocktail attires and fancy shoes.

For a party with so many attractions to catch the eye, Gojo Satoru and his best friend Geto Suguru took the cake. The pair could never be separated, may it be in the various parties and events they attended or when they were strolling the college campus. While Gojo was the louder, more exuberant and outgoing out of the two, Geto's genuine smile—whenever he was around his best friend—was hard to miss.

It was Geto's smile that always made your heart flutter.

You remember the first time you had noticed Geto Suguru. A simple, ravishingly attractive man, who sat two seats in front of you. He probably was not the teacher's favourite with the way he often got into little discussions and debates with the professors regarding the day's topics if he disagreed with certain aspects of it. Always polite and respectful but with a conniving smile on his lips nonetheless if he proved his point of view to be correct. His voice was always calm in class and he never stepped back from expressing his opinions. You thought it was a phenomenal quality to have.

You would see him often during breaks, his usual spot being a few tables away from yours. His rambunctious best friend was always at his side along with a girl who would always have a cigarette between her lips. Shoko Ieiri—you later learnt—was her name. Your friends and you would often not care, but sometimes, Gojo's mirthful laughter echoed throughout the area and you were bound to see Geto shake his head with a little snicker of his own at his friend's nuances. That's how you came to know of Geto. A well sought after, smart, insanely attractive and—from what you've heard— a polite and kind individual. You had admired Geto from a distance for a whole of three years now. The conversations you had with him could be counted on one hand but he had always been sweet to you. You wondered if he even remembered you. You did have flings here and there but you had always had that little spot of affection in your heart for the man who was Geto Suguru.

In the three years that you have been in this college of yours, you have never attended Gojo Satoru's new year's eve parties. You had heard stories and every year you had promised yourself to attend it. However, every year your mother called you back home to celebrate the holidays with your family and you could never deny it. Your friends initially complained but they understood your position and promised to tell you all the things that happened. One year you heard the crazy new year's kiss one of your friends had with a boy she met there and how magical it all seemed. The other year they told you how Gojo and Geto both got shit faced drunk and danced to every song until they physically dropped on the floor, unable to move and Shoko had to come take them away with a sigh. You learnt how Gojo normally avoided alcohol, feasting on the many desserts instead and how Geto and Shoko were often seen smoking a cigarette on the balcony together. You too wanted to attend this annual event, that was like a myth to you.

This year allowed that. With your father planning an impromptu vacation for only your mother and himself, you had the perfect opportunity to finally attend the party you had wanted to go to since your freshman year.

It was 31st December and you were beyond excited. Your friends had been elated to know that you would finally visit Gojo's party with them and they took it upon themselves to get you dolled up and ready for it, paying no heed to your complaints of "I can do it myself."

That's how you found yourself in Gojo's penthouse. The place was bustling with noises—music, talking, whistles (which you assumed were directed to the people who were dancing). The place was huge, something way out of your imagination. There were lights and decorations that increased the beauty of the place ten folds. And there was that goddamned champagne fountain that everyone talked about. “Gojo Satoru is rich,” was the very first thought that crossed your mind after a moment of awe and speechlessness.

"He's crazy rich," your friend, Aoi, laughed.

Oh, so your thoughts might have slipped out from your mouth.

"I'm sure Geto is too. Didn't you see his motorcycle in the parking area? That has to belong to some super loaded dude," your other friend, Saeko commented.

"Didn't you have a thing for Geto, y/n?" Saeko wiggled her eyebrows at you as she crossed her arms, a smirk evident on her lips.

"Eh, kinda. I mean, he's okay to look at I guess," you shrugged, making your way to the bar. The college parties you went to never had a bar. The alcohol had to be derived from the kitchen and most of the time, it was some sort of jungle juice.

"Oh shut up, you like him," Aoi smacked your back as she settled herself beside you on the bar stool.

"I never denied that," you winked at her as you downed the tequila, the bartender served the three of you.

"Having fun so far?" An unknown voice made the three of you turn your heads. Gojo Satoru. Standing tall in front of you, a lazy grin on his face and for heaven knows what reason his stupid sunglasses covering his eyes even at 11 in the night.

"Gojo Satoru," Saeko crossed her legs, leaning back on the bar counter as she smiled at him.

"In the flesh ma'am," he winked at her. A charming wink that girls would often faint over.

"That didn't answer my question though. Having fun?" He asked again.

"What would you offer as compensation if we said we weren't," he laughed at Saeko's little bantering comment. He knew she didn't mean it. Everyone had the time of their lives at Gojo Satoru's party.

"Oh Saeko, you have been coming here for the past two years. No need to lie to me, sweetheart. However—if I have, by chance—failed you this year, do dance with me. That'll be compensation enough," he winked at her.

"And they say chivalry is dead," your friend shook her head.

"I noticed you brought a friend this year?" His eyes raked over to you as he offered you a welcoming smile.

You returned it with a wave of your own.

"That's y/n. She didn't wanna miss out on this year's party," Aoi introduced you as she sipped on her strawberry daiquiri.

"Great to meet you y/n. I hope my little party meets your expectations," before you could counter his comment of the party being "little" a velvet smooth voice laced with mild jest interrupted your conversation.

"Don't annoy the guests Satoru," and there he was beside his best friend, Geto Suguru. His long black hair tied in a semi bun, an earring dangling from his right ear and a cheshire grin on his lips. Geto Suguru was a beautiful man to look at.

"I could never do that Suguru," Gojo turned to look at his best friend as his grin widened.

"Saeko brought a friend with her. I was just acquainting myself. Meet y/n."

Geto's eyes slid over to your figure, his smile softening. You could feel yourself warming up under his soft and welcoming gaze.

"You are in my psychology class," he said as he offered you his hand for a shake.

"I am," you shook his hand, the feeling of his fingers against yours, erupting little butterflies in your stomach. The coolness of his many rings against your warm hand sent shivers down your spine.

"I think I need that dance Gojo," Saeko said over the blasting music and the male was quick to respond. Giving her his hand, Gojo led your friend away towards the dance floor. She turned around to wink at you and Aoi before the pair disappeared.

You could only laugh at her antics. Saeko was a known flirt and you had heard how every year she would have a little fun with Gojo. This was the first time you had seen it and you could not help but laugh. Good god that girl knew what she was doing.

"Every damn year this happens," Geto chuckled as he leaned on the counter behind you. "I don't know if I want those two to be together or not with how much they flirt on this one day every year."

Aoi excused herself with a smirk, leaving you alone with Geto. Based on how the night went, you would either thank her or strangle her, but that was a problem for later.

"Why have I never seen you here y/n?" Geto looked over at you, tilting his head in question. His smile never left his face.

"Got caught up with my family every year. Decided to be here for a change," you ordered a glass of sangria, diverting from the tequila you were having earlier.

"I hope you can hold your liquor,"

"Aren't you a gentleman Geto," you smiled up at him.

"Oh yeah I definitely am," he nodded his head, mocking your smile. "Call me Suguru."

"Okay Suguru," you pat his shoulder.

"Care for a dance?" He looked at the dancing bodies and then at you, motioning his head towards the dance floor.

"Uhh, I've got two left feet. I'm afraid I'll scare people away with my dancing," you cringed.

His jubilant laughter filled your ears as his head rolled back, eyes crinkling. Your eyes widened slightly at the beauty of the sight in front of you. You did not quite understand if the slight intoxicating feeling that you felt was due to the alcohol you consumed or the laugh that he offered.

"Don't worry about that. Half of us got two left feet, me included. Come on," before you could protest, Geto was already pulling you towards the dance floor.

The next few seconds were a whirlwind. One second you were sipping your sangria and the next you were in the middle of the dance floor, a hoard of sweaty bodies surrounding you and Geto's hands held your waist tightly. You hesitantly wrapped your arms around his neck as he smiled reassuringly at you. Your initial nervousness faded as Geto started swaying to the beat. Before you could process anything, you were there with him, living in the moment. You both danced to the music as his arms wrapped around you, twirling you around and swaying you. Somewhere between your dancing, you spotted Gojo and Saeko. She twirled in his arms, laughing as she landed on his chest.

"Cute aren't they?" Geto screamed in your ear over the blasting music.

"She never told me about this," you shook your head at him.

"Oh this is their annual ritual. They'll flirt for one night and pretend that the other does not exist for the rest of the year," he twirled you again. "I've told Satoru to just date her and he always says 'nah she is not into me.' I swear to god he's so stupid at times,"

"I think they'd make a hot couple, don't you?" You smiled at your dance partner.

"Oh absolutely."

Geto could feel a sense of warmth in his chest as he saw you letting yourself free, enjoying and dancing to your heart's extent. The pounding in his chest increased and he blamed it on his dancing.

He had always known you as the quiet student in his psychology class who sometimes answered the professor's questions. The few times you had talked was in class whenever you had to add points to open discussions. He had always found you to be pretty. He didn't know you personally till now, but he had seen you with Saeko, sitting a few tables away from theirs. He was glad he finally got to talk to the person he had been gaining the courage to talk to properly for a while now.

"Wanna get out of here?" He asked you as he pulled you close.

"Where are you gonna take me?" You poked his nose.

Geto laced his fingers with yours and pulled you out of the crowded area as he took you upstairs. He led you to a balcony that looked down at the city below. You had never really been this high up somewhere so you were awestruck by the view. The cars zoomed past below and the city donned a look you had never seen before. Lights decorated the buildings, light dusts of snow covered the streets as they fell from the sky above.

"Like what you see huh?" Geto snickered.

"This is wonderful—what—I have been missing several things," you leaned over the balcony to get a better look.

"Easy now, don't want you falling over. Also, yeah. This is like my escape, you know. When I get a bit exhausted by the party I come here, especially for the new year's countdown. I like seeing the fireworks," you had completely forgotten that it was new year's in a few minutes now.

"Shit how long since it's the new year?" You gasped at him.

Geto took out his phone from his pocket, squinting his eyes at the screen before putting it away.

"Uh four more minutes," he leaned on the balcony railing as he looked at you.

You could hear the test firecrackers going off in the distance. One then two and they stopped for a moment.

"You look absolutely gorgeous by the way," he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"You don't look too bad yourself. I especially like what you've done with your hair," you gestured at your own to make him understand.

"You like my hair?"

"Oh absolutely. It's stunning. Do tell me your hair care routine."

"Maybe I can text it to you?" He dipped his head down towards you.

"Are you asking for my number Geto Suguru?" You gasped in mock surprise. "Scandalous."

He was opening his mouth to probably say something witty when you both heard it. The countdown to the new year. Loud voices from the floor below started counting. The last ten seconds of this year.

10...

You both looked at the door and then at each other as you shared a small laugh.

9...

He came ever so close to you.

8...

His gaze was set on your eyes as you fiddled with the locket that rested on your chest. The intensity of his gaze made your insides jump.

7...

His hand travelled down to your waist, holding it with a light grip.

6...

Your eyes travelled down from his dark obsidian eyes to his lips as he licked them with a swipe of his tongue. What you would give to just feel them on yours.

5...

"You know I always did think you were a beautiful person. From the moment I first saw you in psychology," he whispered, his breath hot on your face.

4...

"Yea I kinda thought you were okay looking too,"

3...

He laughed at your comment as he pulled you closer by your waist, “just okay?”

2...

You could feel his lips hovering over yours, his eyes fluttering shut just like yours.

“Just okay…” you whispered.

1...

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

The echoes of the plethora of drunk college kids had become background noises the moment you crashed your lips on his.

You could hear the confetti pop and the firecrackers burst lighting the dark midnight sky with a million colours but all that mattered in the moment were his lips that moved in perfect sync with yours. Your hands gripped his hair as his own grip on your waist became tighter. He trapped you against the balcony railing and one of his hands came up to cup your face as he slightly tilted his head in a way to deepen the kiss. You could feel his lips perfectly fit with yours, a taste of mint on his tongue. His cologne invaded your senses, jumbling up your mind further. He smelled of nashi pear, cardamom and vetiver with a hint of woody musk. You felt yourself falling apart due to his entrancing aroma. Kissing Geto Suguru made your stomach do several somersaults and your heart was so erratic in its beating, it could jump out of your ribcage. This felt like a dream. Hell, was this even real?

You pulled away for breath as your eyes scanned his face. There was adoration in his own two dark eyes and something akin to lust.

"Happy new year Suguru," you raked your finger through his hair as his head dropped down on your shoulder.

"Happy new year y/n," he planted a gentle kiss on your shoulder before pecking your neck.

A loud squeal in the very next second, broke the two of you apart.

"OH MY GOD SUGURU, YOU'RE GETTING BITCHES?" Gojo Satoru was smiling mischievously with Saeko by his side.

"Shut up Satoru," Suguru groaned at his best friend rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"I hate you so much, your timing is the worst," he flipped him off before pulling you to his side.

"In my defence I didn't know you would bring someone here this year. Every year you are alone—"

"SHUT UP SATORU," Geto yelled in embarrassment as a tint of red covered his cheeks.

"You don't bring girls here often?" You asked amused.

"Oh he never does. This is the first time!" Gojo stated proudly.

"You're annoying them Satoru," Saeko smacked Gojo's head as the latter whined about everyone being mean to him.

"Ok what is going on? I searched the whole penthouse and you all are here?" A panting Aoi burst through the door.

"Y/n got the guy," Saeko said casually and it was your turn to turn a shade of red.

"SAEKO!?"

"Y/n got the guy? You mean Geto?" She looked over at the two of you as Geto waved at her with a smile.

"Ok this is huge?! Y/n oh my god finally," she squealed in her hands.

"Ok the lot of you can leave you know? Just give us some time alone, geez," you ushered your friends away including Gojo who would not leave without giving Suguru a rough smack on his back.

"Did you like me? You know, before this?" He took your hand in his as he rubbed circles on the back of each of them.

"Kind of," you sighed. "I mean I guess I did have a small crush on you?"

"Okay so now we definitely need that number," he tilted your chin up as he pecked you lightly before bumping his forehead with your.

You could say you had a pretty eventful start to the new year.

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daffodildelight · 1 year

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Animagus (Part One) | Ominis Gaunt x Reader

Title: Animagus (Part One)

Pairing: Ominis Gaunt x fem!reader

Summary: The end of year ball is coming up and you have hidden feelings for Ominis

Themes/Warnings: fluff, mutual pining, insecurities

Word count: 2450sh

A/N: No spoilers for Hogwarts Legacy. The story line for Hogwarts Legacy doesn’t really exist in this one-shot.

Growing up in a pure-blooded family is quite challenging when you have different political views compared to everyone else. Especially when it comes to blood status, having different beliefs and voicing them in front of a pureblooded family will give you a one-way ticket to abuse. Mentally and physically. I’ve seen it happen to my cousin first-hand, left for dead on an abandoned street corner then endlessly stalked and ridiculed for the rest of her life.

Luckily I learnt my lesson quickly after my parents used the crustaceous curse on me when I was 5 after I tried to make friends with the muggle kids at the end of the culdesac. Even with the worst pain of my life, I never changed my beliefs.

For the first 11 years of my life, I was completely alone. Anyone who comes into the Crouch house was of pure blood with the same ideologies as everyone else. The only friends I was allowed to make were ones from a prestigious line. Unfortunately for me, every child was stuck up so making friends was very hard. But once I had received my letter from Hogwarts I knew my life would change.

Along with everyone else in my family, I was sorted into Slytherin. I received a letter of praise from my parents after they found out about the news. But the only thoughts running through my head were ones of solemn because if I had to deal with blood ideologies at home I'd have to deal with them a whole lot more at school seeing as Slytherin house was mainly for pureblood students.

Heading to your new doom room you were introduced to your new roommates including your future best friend Anne Sallow. The two of you were like a house on fire, getting along so well. It surprised you to find out that Anne also held the same values as you and was also pureblooded. You and Anne got on so well that she introduced you to her twin brother Sebastian and his friend Ominis.

When you first met Ominis you fell for him, he was so handsome. Doesn’t matter that he couldn’t see all that mattered was the presence you felt from him. It looked like he could carry himself and wouldn’t let anything get in his way. You knew you had to be his friend at least.

But Ominis took a while to open up to you, Sebastian on the other hand took to you just as well as his sister did. It took months for you to connect with Ominis, you tried everything. But every time you tried to connect with him he would either walk away or look in another direction. It was only when you found out that Ominis was a Gaunt (descendant from Slytherin himself) and that you both hated your families for their views he began to trust you and consider you a friend. And just like that, you guys became a closed group.

7 years have passed and instead of liking Ominis, you have come to describe it closer to love. You would sit next to each other in classes, study together, and hang out every day how could you not? Sebastian and Anne both know I have a crush on Ominis and try push me to tell him my feelings but your overwhelming anxiety won’t let you. Because if you do tell him and he rejects you things will never be the same again. Plus he’s never given you any indication that he likes you in that way so you just leave it how it is. But Sebastian and Anne will not let it go.

“Come on (Y/N), he totally likes you back” Anne groans walking down the staircase with her book bag strung across her body she gives you a death glare “You’ll have to tell him sooner or later” she states with the same scowl on her face.

You speak up loudly so both Sebastian and Anne could hear “Over my dead body Anne, why ruin something when it’s already perfect?” colliding shoulders with Sebastian who is on your left. “Because (Y/N) we want to see both you and Ominis happy” Sebastian chimes in with his signature smile.

“But I am happy” you laughed. Swinging your arms around and jumping from the last few steps of stairs into the hallway of the great hall. “Okay now be quiet, Ominous is up ahead and he can hear very well” you whisper to both of them.

You walk up to him and touch his shoulder to grab his attention, he turns around to give you that winning smile that you love so much. “Good morning (Y/N) how was your sleep last night?” Ominis asks while making his way towards the potions classroom making sure to have his wand out and leave room for you to walk next to him. “Very good Ominis, I had a dream about animals last night” you replied with a jump in my step. You love it when Ominis talks to you about your dreams, it makes it seem like he cares about me. Sebastian and Anne follow us closely behind making small talk about the up coming N.E.W.T for charms class.

“That's good (Y/N), I’m happy that your finally getting sleep” Ominis states but before I could ask a question back Sebastian speaks from behind your shoulder. “I could’ve guessed that miles away (Y/N) you’re so predictable” Sebastian laughs before knocking your shoulder with his. You give a sinister giggle back before making your way down another long corridor and turning your head to face the twins, “I am not predictable Sebastian”.

Anne lets out a huge laugh before sliding in between you and Ominis “Oh yes you are (Y/N)! We know you so well, we could probably predict what your gonna have for dinner tonight and what results you’ll get for your N.E.W.T.s”.

You can’t help but think about all the things your best friends don't know about you. Starting off with the biggest secret which is that you're an illegal animagus. Yes, you became an illegal animagus for many reasons the main one being to get away from your crazy family during the Christmas holiday. The second is to explore my surroundings around Hogwarts without being caught and the third is to obviously spy on other people which is easy because your animagus is a tabby cat, which is a common house pet choice amongst others.

You decided to become an animagus after having a transfiguration lesson in your third year about it and became curious, So you read up on how to do it in the library every night for 3 months before you were sure how to do it. The process was painful to complete but in the end, it was worth it because I finally had my own freedom.

Now the reason I haven’t told anyone is that I wanted to keep it to myself. Yes I know if the Ministry of Magic finds out that I’m an illegal animagus I could be expelled or worse go to Azkaban but, to be frank, I couldn’t give a shit. That’s a lie I would care a little bit especially if I couldn’t meet up with my friends anymore.

Focusing back on the conversation you respond to Sebastian with a groan and a “whatever” muttered under your breath. Quickly look towards Ominis he has a small smirk showing and you can’t help but wonder if you could ever be able to have him more as a friend.

The day slowly finishes with you and the group eating dinner at the great hall. Sebastian and Anne sitting next to each other bickering about who gets the last chicken wing and opposite them are you and Ominis. Anne lets out a loud groan when Sebastian ends up taking the last wing into his mouth, which soon turns into glee when she remembers an important event happening in the upcoming month.

“Are you guys excited for the end-of-year ball after N.E.W.Ts?” she exclaims in her seat. Anne couldn’t contain her excitement which was proven when she starts pestering Sebastian on who he’s gonna take as a date. You can’t help but feel dread about the upcoming ball, because all you want is for Ominis to ask you but that’s not gonna happen because he doesn’t see you that way. It would hurt too much to see him with someone else on his arm as well and Anne isn’t making this any easier.

‘’Who are you gonna take to the ball Ominis? I know you have a few ladies eyeing you up!” Anne gives you a look and wiggles her eyebrows. You know she’s up to something. Ominis speaks up from his spot next to you “Well the person I want to ask will say no so I’m just gonna go by myself.”

Your heart breaks, of course, the person Ominis likes wouldn’t be you but the fact that he likes someone and thinks he doesn’t have a chance is ridiculous. All you want is for Ominis to be happy so the next set of words is like venom to say. “Don’t be stupid Ominis, anyone would be lucky to have you. I say just grit your teeth and ask them. If they decline tell me who they are and I’ll punch their lights out” you give a forced laugh.

You don’t want to know who this lucky person is because you’ll just end up self-deprecating and end up going into a deep depression. So to save yourself you decided to have a walk in the forbidden forest in your animagus. Just so you can take your mind off things. Before Ominis or the twins could say something you stand up from the table and announce yourself. “I’ve got some extra studying I gotta do before the charms N.E.W.Ts comes, I'll be in the library.” you sigh collecting your things from under the table. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow?” you give the best tone you possibly could before bolting out the doors without looking back.

Heading towards the edge of the forest was a bit difficult because you have to avoid all the teachers and prefects patrolling the castle but never the less you made it towards a clearing. Taking off your shoes and hiding them behind a familiar tree you were ready to transform. During the first times of transforming it was very painful but now you have grown accustomed to it, and there you were a brown tabby heading into the woods for a walk to keep your mind off things.

Minutes turned into an hour and slowly you started making your way back towards the castle. Taking long lonely stairs and corridors back towards the Slytherin common room until you come across the very thing that’s keeping your mind racing. Ominis sneaks around with his wand held high to avoid objects. My guess is he was just at the undercroft with Sebastian.

Now you know you shouldn’t have done this but every bit of your instinct told you to because you were feeling down and Ominis loves cats. Slyly you walk up to his right ankle you give him a bit of a nudge. This gains his attention and reaches down to scratch behind your ear perfectly, Ominis was actually the most perfect person ever. It felt like heaven and before you know it you rolled onto your back to let him give you some much-needed belly rubs. All of a sudden gravity changes and now Ominis is holding you in his arms with your head slotted into his neck. He smells so good and you never want to leave this moment but with all good things, it must come to an end when Sebastian is quietly yelling at Ominis.

“Hurry up Ominis! Professor Weasley is just around the corner!” Sebastian then runs past us down the last corridor door towards the Slytherin common rooms. Ominis follows him with me still in his arms and we make our way into his and Sebastian's door room. You’ve never once seen their dorm room before because of the protective enchantments from the professors but it was basically the same set-up.

“Ominis! Why are you still carrying the cat!” Sebastian stated loudly while Ominis puts me on his bed. “I don’t know, I panicked and just went straight for the dorms like you told me to?” Ominis replies nonchalantly while giving me more pats. I couldn’t be happier. “You know that’s someone's cat right? You’ll have to give them back” Sebastian ruins the mood.

“I know” Ominis sighs in defeat. “I'll keep them for another 5 minutes before I kick them out” he states in a sarcastic tone. Ominis moves his way around onto the bed to give me some more pats.

“I know who your gonna ask to the ball Ominis, she will say yes if you ask. I don’t understand why you won’t.” Sebastian brings up the topic. The one I didn’t want to be brought up while I was here, now I have to listen to Ominis talk about the girl of his dreams while I'm right here unable to leave. A dream turned into a nightmare.

“She’s never given me any indication that she likes me, I don’t want to ask and be rejected because it’ll ruin the flow of our friendship and I can’t risk that” Ominis states in a sad tone. Friendship? Ominis only has 3 friends, unless he’s made a friend without me knowing. Or worse he has feelings for Anne. Your heart struck a nerve just even thinking about it. You wouldn’t blame him for liking her, she’s so carefree and her personality is so attractive. How could he ever like me when she was right there?

“Ominis I know that you’re blind but how can you not see that she’s practically in love with you?” Sebastian sighs. The feeling of heartbreak is what’s going through you right now, you just feel like leaving. Hopping off of Ominis's bed you walk towards the door but not before a life-changing comment was made by Ominis.

“Gotta love those blind jokes Sebastian but (Y/N) could never see me in that way. She could have any witch or wizard she wanted. I mean why would she want a blind boyfriend when she could have anyone? Even then, she doesn’t see me in that context” Silence. Absolute silence. Silence from Ominis because he thinks he’ll never get a chance. Silence from Sebastian because I swore him to secrecy not to tell Ominis I have feelings for him. Silence from me because I think my heart stop.

You knew the one thing you had to do and nothing will get in your way this time.

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girliestwomaninstem · 8 months

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introductory post (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*

Hellooo <3 I've been on Tumblr for a few years now, however, lately I have become a bit of a slacker in terms of my student and professional life and a lot of y'all have inspired me to get a studyblr + accountability blog to help keep myself in check, focused and driven

🌻 about me ♡

name: tofu

age: 23

pronouns: she/her

zodiac: ⊙ aries, ☽ scorpio, ↑ scorpio

languages I speak: english, hindi, japanese (beginner)

🌻 my favourite subjects ♡

- academic: chemistry, cybersecurity, creative writing, biology, personal finance, physics, discrete math, intro to programming (the easiest part about a cs degree yet daunting)

- non-academic: cosmetic science, psychology, literature, ancient/modern history, physics, astronomy, linguistics

I'm trying to once again pick up hobbies that I used to have as a child, such as reading, singing, gardening, cooking/baking, scrapbooking

In my free time, I love watching asian soap operas, Studio Ghibli, and sitcoms that I'd like to call my comfort shows and video essays related to all my non-academic subject interests

I'm an undergrad student currently enrolled in a computer science/fintech double major and I'm preparing either to enter the workforce or pursue a masters in either quantitative finance or bioinformatics engineering or data science (wow, the existential crisis that came with typing up that sentence). I could also talk more about my interests in the above-mentioned subject areas, or new ones as they come up. My goal is to create a routine for myself that I can actually stick to, and spend each day having learnt at least something, no matter how small. I feel like the only way to achieve that is by comparing myself to my peers (I know that is v toxic but hey it helps). Additionally I really want to learn how to drive this year, learn to crochet and keep up with new technologies, do some art journalling to take my mind off stress.

I'm so excited to meet new people on here and keep myself busy and productive! ❤️

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winterprince601 · 9 months

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outRAGEOUS that we didn't get more syrio and arya adventures. grrm gives us like,,, two chapters of this delightful student-teacher relationship and then he DIES for her and that's it. it's so clear that he's fond and proud of her - arya is, after all, every mentor's dream student. i would love an alternate universe where arya flees to braavos with syrio at the end of got and gets the full waterdancer training she deserves.

what their short training DOES achieve is giving arya a strong foundation for survival later on in the books. it helps her hone her instincts and keep a clear head in dire circumstances: "fear cuts deeper than swords". she never becomes a full waterdancer but that's because arya stark is many things at once, her incredible adaptability meaning she's the sum of her experiences. syrio recognised that physical and mental potential before anyone and i'm sure he would have shaped it with immense care. arya stark learnt from her suffering but she deserved kinder teachers.

#arya stark #I LOVE HER #asoiaf #a song of ice and feels #asoiaf meta #syrio forel #house stark #the chapter in which syrio dies overall is a masterpiece #the switch from our established routine of dancing training is so abrupt #and arya's fear is so vivid

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anjelicawrites · 1 year

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NSFW alphabet for Aemond x reader x Osferth

Definitely NSFW and 18 + only

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

It’s of the utmost importance. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the three of them together or any combination thereof, aftercare is pivotal in the relationship. Reader and Osferth tend to play hard when it’s only the two of them together and tenderness and care are always needed, when they are done. With Aemond, the lad is still discovering sex and working through his trauma, he needs tenderness, always.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

They both love reader's boobs. They are soft and the perfect mouthful for them to suck on. Reader loves Aemond’s big brain, his huge shoulders are her second favorite thing. She loves Osferth’s hands, they are big and strong, capable of the softest caresses and the hardest spanking.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

When they started dating and Aemond was still too traumatized to try and have sex, he stole a pair of reader’s panties and wrapped them around his cock while masturbating (he felt extremely guilty about it). He’s managed to put them back in her drawer once he started living with her and Osferth. He still blushes every time she wears them.

Not much of a dirty secret but Osferth daydreams about reader’s boobies and Aemond’s ass when he is bored at work; he gets a clip behind his ears by Finan every single time that happens.

Is it a dirty secret that reader lives by the words of contemporary poet and philosopher Kim Petras, from her song Treat me like a slut? It’s probably for the outside world, not to her lovers.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

All three of them, even prim and proper Aemond, love cumplay, be it coming on reader's face/bosom/tummy, creampie her or stick their fingers in her cunt to play with her come or kiss eachother with a mouthful of come in their mouths, it doesn't matter as long as they get to do it. Also, playing with the come coming out of Aemond or Osferth, depending on who is bottoming? Or pushing on their tummy to make sure everything comes out? Big, fucking yes.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Both Osferth and reader are extremely experienced, both in vanilla sex and BDSM. Aemond is learning all he can from the two of them and they are happy to teach him.He’s a fast and extremely curious student.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Osferth loves sex, thinks is fun and tries to make it so for his lovers. Aemond has learnt to take on sex as a fun activity, during which you can laugh and be silly, it’s not life or death. Reader is the idiot who blows raspberries on their tummies and tickles them until they beg.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Aemond loves missionary. Yes, it might be boring and traditional, but he gets to hide his face against his partner's neck and breathe them in during the act. Also, he feels like he is protecting them when they are the most defenseless; what's not to like?

For reader is doggy with a hand in the hair. Plays with her degradation kink with the added bonus of spanking.

Osferth is a romantic at heart. He loves lotus position so much, the intimacy it brings. If it were up to him, he'll make love to his beloveds like this always.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

For the three of them the carpet matches the drapes. Aemond has platinum, well trimmed hair. Osferth’s are a slightly darker shade of blonde; he’s not as well groomed as Aemond is, but he tries to keep everything under control. In her younger years reader has had her hair styled in different shapes down there, now she keeps everything nice and trimmed.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Aemond is always extremely romantic, he feels both the physical aspect of lovemaking and the more psychological one tenfold. He might have a black and white take on what romanticism is, compared to his lovers, who can find romanticism even in the more baser and filthier acts, but he can’t see himself be anything but gentle, the exact opposite of who he is when he’s not with them. Both Osferth and reader can be romantic even during one of their BDSM sessions and it’s the small things: asking where the partner is mentally, a swift caress on the cheek or a kiss on the forehead; really they are big on accepting their partner’s needs, than waxing poetry during the act.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Aemond didn’t masturbate that much before meeting his lovers. He would subject himself to cold showers every single time he had an hard on, now he follows the needs of his body with more freedom. He still prefers his lovers to his hand, but there’s only so much one can do when he’s on a work trip.

Turning into a teenager meant that Osferth was swamped by hormones. He was ready to go all the times, which didn’t go well with being in a convent with strict rules about sex and sexuality; if it weren’t for those rules, he would have probably masturbated far more than he did. He now doesn’t indulge as much as he used to, only because he has the real deal at hand, which is ten times better.

Reader owns the bulk of the toys they have. Do I have to say more? Her boys satisfy her perfectly, mind you, it’s just that masturbating is so much fun!!!

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Reader can look into your eyes and deadpan “Love and respect”. She’s had many partners with different tastes in sex and found that, for the most of them, wanting to be considered a person with feelings, was astounding.

Osferth goes for the evergreen pain play. Does it have any connection at all with his catholic upbringing? Of course it does, but he’s not aware of it.

Ice play for Aemond. His body runs on such high temperatures that anything slightly cool drives him crazy.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

For Aemond is the bedroom. The mattress is so comfortable, there’s the bathroom nearby and is, more important of all, safe. He can truly let go when he’s in the confines of their home.

Both reader and Osferth don’t have a favorite place, it depends on when the mood strikes and what they want to do in that precise moment.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

The mere existence of their partner gets the three of them going: Aemond parading around in a tank top and hair loose down his back or reader doing yoga in the living room or Osferth working on one of his DIY projects, your pick.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

The whole pain and tying act aspect of BDSM is a huge no for Aemond, also degradation is something he doesn’t like, he loves and respects his partners for God’s sake!

Ice play on herself is a big no for reader, she can manage on her partner though!

Ignore his partner’s safeword is the biggest no Osferth has. He’s had not so educated chats with self appointed doms who bragged about pushing their subs/partners beyond their safeword.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Reader is just natural at oral and she likes the power she wields over her partners when she’s blowing them. Hearing their moans and groans, feeling the desperate way they move under her, all of this give her a power trip that’s difficult to achieve otherwise.

Aemond eats pussy as a mean of comfort. His work life is hectic at best and he needs solace most of the times. The moments he’s learnt how not to choke on Osferth’s dick, he’s mastered all the ways to drive him crazy. He likes being on the receiving end but he’s the kind of guy to say “You don’t have to”, because his partners truly don’t have to blow him, if they don’t want to do it, he’s happy anyway, as long as they are happy and tell him how good he did.

Osferth is addicted to reader’s taste. Every time he’s away for some extended period of time, the first thing he does is falling on his knees and bury his face against her cunt until he’s satisfied. Likewise, he’s an happy man whenever he drives Aemond crazy, prolonging his orgasm as long as he can or playing with his poor prostate while he’s blowing him: anything to make sure he’s too stupid to think. He’s never going to say no to have his dick sucked, not when his partners are so gifted in the department!

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Aemond is, most of the times, slow and passionate, taking his time to savor his partner. When he’s especially charged, he becomes passionate, but never rough.

Reader depends on who she’s with. With Osferth she feels more confident with being rougher, than she’s with Aemond, with him she’s more careful and sweet. This doesn’t mean Osferth doesn’t get his fair share of slow lovemaking!

Osferth is, generally, more on the fast and rough side, always keeping in mind his partners’ safety and needs. He’s never shied away from taking his time and be slow and sensual, whenever the situation called for it.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Both reader and Osferth love quickies: their lives are often hectic, they don’t always have time to do anything else. Aemond tends not to go for a quickie, even when it’s been days since the last time he’s had his lovers, because he feels like he’s objectifying them, like he is using them for his pleasure only, not showering them with all his love and care.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Reader and Osferth love experimenting, buying new toys to try them out. They have been eyeing this huge sex armchair, which a) costs an eye and a lung, b) clashes with the style of the whole house c) it's truly so big they don't know where to put it.

Aemond is less curious than they are, sometimes he side eyes his lovers for their purchases. He is happy with what he likes and needs to think about trying out new things.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

The three of them have great stamina, either out of sheer stubbornness (Aemond and reader) or real energy (Osferth), they can go at it for a long period of time. Aemond is the one who can go for less rounds, just because he gets so stupid after orgasm that affects his refractory period.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

They have so many, varying from your run of the mill dildo, to the more extreme bondage stuff (shout-out for the more than 10 inch dildo monstrosity reader bought when she was drunk and forgot about). They use them during sex or when they are alone. One of the most beloved toys of Aemond, is a small bullet vibrator he can control using his phone; he and reader use it when he is away and misses her. Reader, being the shit stirrer that she is, managed to have dildos made from her boys' cocks, to play with when they are both away.Don’t ask Osferth about his favorite toy, he feels like he has to choose between his favorite child.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Both reader and Osferth are mean when they want to be. They adore teasing their partners, see how long they can last before breaking down. Aemond teases to make his lovers happy but he's not as much of an asshole as his lovers are. Whenever reader gets orgasm denial as punishment from Osferth, she goes to Aemond hoping he would put her out of her misery; he doesn't but consoles her with all his heart. On the other hand, Aemond parades around with these crop tops and low riding bottoms at home that leave his tummy exposed. His lovers truly believed that, at the start, he wasn't capable of seeing himself as a tease but now? That he's come to terms with his sexuality? Everyone knows what he's doing and that he's going to be fucked within a inch of his life, if he doesn't stop immediately.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Osferth is extremely loud when he subs, once he and reader had the cops called on them by his neighbors. He is not as vocal when he's not subbing, he usually groans a lot, though.

Aemond talks and moans a lot. The more he's teased, the louder he becomes.

Reader is a screamer, she makes a ruckus every single time she has sex. Thankfully the house is in the middle of nowhere!

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Reader didn't realize immediately how free she felt, after the first time she had sex with Osferth. The realization hit her the day after, while she was cooking dinner: she had managed to have sex with the man she loved, she can overcome her trauma and enjoy sex again.

Osferth loves sex, it's a great way to connect with the ones he loves and it's fun. He's come to realize that he loves his partners so much that he would accept not to have sex with them, if they asked.

Aemond is usually the smartest person in the room, not when it comes to matters of the heart and sex. When they started, he was convinced that he had to like the very same things his lovers did, thus forcing himself to learn about practices that are big noes for himself. It took him a while to understand that he can have different tastes and still love his partners.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Aemond is longer than Osferth and less thick, while Osferth's girth is bigger, while he's a bit shorter than him.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Osferth has trained himself not to fall asleep immediately afterwards, he needs to make sure his partners are safe and happy.

Aemond doesn’t really fall asleep but gets in a floaty state of post sex stupidity while his brain soaks in endorphines.

Reader always needs a moment before she can fall asleep, her orgasms short and soul shattering that she has to re calibrate herself before she can relax and fall asleep.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Osferth would call himself a whore, if the term weren't so charged. He has an healthy and high sex drive, he'd have sex everyday, if he could.

Aemond is close second. Due to the repressive way he was educated and his brand of trauma, he's taken him a while to accept it. He is still quiet about it and blushes a lot, but gives in to his urges happily.

Reader as well has a high sex drive. It doesn't help that both her lovers are so handsome that keeping her hands for herself is impossible.

Everything taglist: @ilikeitbetterangsty

Poly taglist : @fan-goddess, @notyour-valentine

#aemond targaryen x reader x osferth #aemond targaryen x y/n x osferth #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond targaryen #osferth x reader #osferth x y/n #osferth

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witchimagefanfic · 7 months

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Snape Asks

Do you have a snOTP? What is it?

Sure, Snape x [First name] (specifically my OC) haha

2. What do you think is Snape's favourite colour and why?

Black? Like...obviously. You think he'd wear so much of it if he didn't genuinely like it?

3. Which Disney character, according to you is most like Snape?

Scar. I don't think there's another answer.

4. Do you think Snape remained a virgin?

I hate this question. Absolutely NOT. The dude was guilty about his best friend's death, it doesn't mean he never had sex. The only way he would have is if he were fully asexual (which, to be fair, seems possible).

5. Do you think Snape ever loved anyone other than Lily, romantically or platonically?

Romantically, no. Platonically, I think he loved Dumbledore and Draco.

6. If Snape learnt another language, which would he choose?

Latin, doy.

7. Which staff member do you think gets along well with Snape?

Dumbledore. I don't think he and McGonagall were friends, despite the fluffy popular head canons. Mutual respect, sure, but not friendship. Otherwise, I don't see him hanging out with any other staff.

8. If you had to assign Snape to a house, which one would it be?

Slytherin. No question. Dude was immensely ambitious.

9. What are your personal headcanons on Snape's diet and favourite foods?

I think eating was a chore for him. He probably had one favorite meal at any given time and it was all he wanted to eat. It'd change monthly. Sometimes he'd have a bread-and-cheese month, sometimes he'd have an eggs-and-bacon month. Otherwise he'd forget to eat.

10. Do you think Snape's character has changed the way you think/feel about others?

Yeah, I mean I hate James Potter. That's more because of the Marauders stans though. What a toxic community.

11. Your favourite scenes with book/movie!Snape?

Literally every book Snape scene.

12. If you had to chose a Golden trio era student to be Snape's friend, who would it be and why?

Luna.

13. Do you think Alan Rickman contributed to your love for Snape?

Yeah, but I loved book Snape first.

14. What do you think is Snape's favourite potion to prepare?

Probably changes based on the month. Whatever's fascinating him at the moment. Something complicated and finnicky, definitely.

15. If Snape had any free time, how do you think he would spend it?

Reading, drinking wine, doing up his buttons, smoking.

16. Were you ever a Snater? How and when did you become a Snover?

God no. I have taste.

17. Do you think Snape was unhappy even after joining the DEs?

Yes, definitely. I don't think it ever gave him what he was looking for.

18. Your favourite physical feature of Snape?

Eyes.

19. According to you, what is Snape's biggest flaw?

Being a dick for absolutely no reason. Lack of chill.

20. Why do you love Snape so much?

He's powerful and brilliant and misunderstood. He's also a weird sexy feral emo boy. He's also a professor and like...sheesh.

21. What particular memory do you think Snape used to conjure his patronus?

Something with Lily obviously. Could be anything. The day they met, hanging out by the Black Lake, laughing in class. It probably changes.

22. Do you think Lily was a good friend to Severus?

Not really. Maybe when they were kids, but once she started hating his friends, there's a real sense that she thought she was too cool for him.

23. What do you think Snape wore under his robes?

Dude what? Trousers.

24. Do you think Snape ever self-harmed?

I don't think he'd see the point.

25. Is there any other character you love as much as Snape? Do you think they'll get along?

Yeah. And no, they absolutely would not get along.

26. What genre do you think Snape preferred to read?

Crime, thrillers, non-fiction, historical fiction, maybe some horror

27. Do you think Snape was close to his mother?

No. I think he was disappointed by her. But he loved her more than he loved his dad.

28. Do you think you'd like being taught by Snape?

Only if we were fucking. Otherwise, from what I've seen he seems like a pretty lazy and demanding teacher.

29. How do you headcanon Snape's bedroom would look like?

Queen bed with dark sheets, a few bookcases, a desk and reading chair.

30. If you could give young Snape any advice, what would it be?

You're better than your origins. James Potter sucks--rise above it. And don't listen to the fucking Death Eaters man, come on. Dark Arts aren't the only magical mysteries left.

31. Do you think Snape had any mental illnesses? Which ones and why?

Yeah, dude. If the guy wasn't depressed I will eat my fucking hat. He was probably anxious as hell too. Maybe on the spectrum.

32. If you could change Snape's middle name to be something other than Tobias what would you choose?

Do people have opinions on this?

33. Top 3 songs you think will show up in Snape's most played?

There Is a Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths

The Killing Moon - Echo & the Bunnymen

Bela Lugosi's Dead - Bauhaus

34. Do you have any Snape NOTPs?

I hate Snape x any of the Potters. Lily, James and Harry need to back off. Haven't they put him through enough?

35. Snapey BROTPs?

No, I want my man lonely and annoyed.

36. Did Snape get sick often? Your headcanons for when he was sick?

I don't think OFTEN. He'd definitely refuse to go to the hospital wing and brew his own cures. Probably worked when he was sick too. Stubborn ass.

37. Snape didn't pay attention to his physical appearance, but if you had to choose a part he would take care of, which would it be?

I disagree, I think the dude knew how to dress. I also think he cleaned his nails.

38. Which type of weather does Snape prefer?

Gray and cool.

39. How do you think Snape spent his early childhood days?

Hiding from his dad, finding joy where he could.

40. Other than Lily, who do you think impacted Snape's life the most?

Dumbledore. I think Narcissa and Lucius did too. Probably some of his DE friends--Mulciber springs to mind.

41. Is there a side to Snape that he hasn't let anyone see? What do you headcanon this "secret personality" to be like?

I don't think he laughs in public often. I think you'd have to be really close to see that.

42. Do you think Snape cried often?

As a kid and teenager, yes. I think at some point those tears dried up though.

43. What's your favourite headcanon about Snape?

He's actually a good professor and not as ugly as Harry seems to think.

44. Is there a movie/song/book that reminds you of Snape?

Tons of songs remind me of him. Sunburn by Muse will forever be the Broken Silence anthem.

45. What mode of magical travel would suit Snape the best?

God, anything but a fucking broom.

46. Your opinion on Snape's sexuality?

Realistically, somewhere on the demi spectrum. Possibly ace. In my head he's like a dom, bi-curious brat tamer though.

47. Which of the Marauders do you think Snape could have gotten along with?

If there was ever even a SHOT it would have been Lupin. The least awful of them.

48. How many points do you think Snape would've awarded during his career?

Sounds like he awarded a lot to Slytherins. Uncountable.

49. Did you feel Snape was the "good guy" even before the reveal?

Yep. I never lost faith.

50. Do you prefer tall!Snape or short!Snape?

Tall.

51. Had Snape lived, would he continue teaching at Hogwarts?

ARE YOU JOKING? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT.

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kiruuuuu · 1 year

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Sun's Out, Guns Out - Day 5!🌈

Hi all, this is your quarterly reminder that I'm not dead 😊 As always, @dualrainbow has organised a Pride event and I'm happy to participate! Give them a follow and check out the other entries 💖

Since I tend to resort to my favourites when I can't write what I want to write (motivation, thy name is fickleness), this one features Thatcher and Lesion trying to figure out a few things. Well, mostly Thatcher. Please enjoy!! (Rating G/T, fluff, ~3.3k words)

Mike Baker has always had a knack for teaching. Born from the addicting sensation of being smarter than everyone, he quickly realised there’s actual merit in passing on hard-earned knowledge founded on a mixture of theory and painful experience. It took him a while to suppress the resentment of witnessing others, armed with his wisdom, excel immediately where he had to struggle for much longer, but once he overcame that particular ego trip, he started receiving heartfelt compliments.

And, well, he likes those.

Suddenly, he played a part in many success stories, was cited as a major influence by skilled operators around the world, and shook hands with others whom he admired on equal footing. There are other advantages as well, like broadening his horizon through exchanges with young minds from vastly different cultures, many of which left him befuddled at first yet enriched in the long run. He’s often called old school, a term he wears with pride instead of embarrassment seeing as it stems from his conviction that advanced technology might be useful but ultimately a crutch. He’s opened many eyes to the old ways and no doubt saved countless lives by empowering others to acquire survival skills not reliant on newfangled tech.

This, too, he learnt the hard way. After the disaster in ‘92, he vowed never to allow something like it again.

Amidst the coaching, he endeavours to learn from his students just as they soak up his advice. Not always successful, he still tries to grasp their differing world views and outlooks, attempts to understand how they developed and why his own rarely match. Finding similarities is easy, there’s timeless topics such as cars, sports and physical fitness, and beyond that cyclical trends materialise and disappear over the course of a decade or two – whisky, gardening, woodworking, it all recurs.

But the longer Thatcher pushes his retirement, the more he perceives a rift forming between his generation and the younger ones. Not having any children himself (or any friends who do), he’s reliant on his work relationships to keep him up-to-date, and while there’s no shortage of sensible, eager young men in the SAS as a whole, Rainbow generally features established, well-adjusted operators who need little guidance.

So… maybe it’s the small sample size. In any case, Thatcher is increasingly perplexed when Mute mentions most of his friends don’t even own a car anymore. Or that they have no notion to buy a house and settle down – even Thatcher considers marriage optional, seeing as his own crashed and burned spectacularly, but not wanting to own property? And the absolutely disrespectful way Mute speaks of national treasures like the Queen and Thatcher’s namesake (which, alright, he’s had long discussions about this and maybe she wasn’t the progressive saint he once thought she was, but still – defacing her monument just isn’t funny).

At first he was filled with a giddy sort of glee when the taciturn, serious young Brit opened up to him, heeded his advice and even looked to him first when he was unsure about anything work-related, but the longer they spend conversing about their private lives, the more Thatcher wishes he’d never asked in the first place. He’s fairly sure he will never understand the point of ‘memes’, no matter how often Mute tries to explain.

And one day, a humid, muggy Friday in June, Mute approaches him with a problem for which Thatcher has no answer ready yet. So he does what he always does when he’s unable to process news or make his mind up: ask the one person for help to whom he’d entrust his life without a second thought.

~*~

“Mark thinks he’s gay”, says Thatcher, apropos nothing, as he turns the page from sports to local news. ‘Hotel California’is softly pouring out of the radio next to the toaster – the classic rock station isn’t his favourite but one meaningful glance over Simon & Garfunkel incentivised him to switch to it. He didn’t want to be accused of being a lonely old man again.

Across the table, Lesion visibly smothers his initial reaction, whichever it would’ve been; there’s an unnatural half-blink and an almost imperceptible pause in guiding the ham-topped croissant to his mouth. And Thatcher thinks: here we go.

They haven’t fought in a while. Not for the entire year, actually, if he discounts their usual bickering (and he’s inclined to, it barely counts despite the awkward atmosphere it forces bystanders to endure, which is incidentally Thatcher’s favourite part). He regrets having to sacrifice their harmonious breakfast which, apart from the at-times questionable songs wafting over, is nearly perfect where he’s concerned. Lesion bought fresh muffins for Thatcher and croissants for himself, Thatcher provides good-quality cold cuts, they share a pot of tea and discuss whatever is new either in their lives or the world. It’s idyllic.

Sadly, he’ll have to ruin it – for the greater good.

Could he introduce the topic in a less inflammatory way? Sure. Would it have the same result, i.e. a quietly destructive Lesion who chooses his words so carefully it’s hard to imagine he’s simultaneously holding himself back from throttling Thatcher? Absolutely not. And therefore this is the only option remaining.

Once Lesion has bought himself some time to process Thatcher’s remark by carefully chewing for an inordinately long time, he avoids his gaze and asks, very calm: “Did he drink too much and say a few things he now regrets?”

Deflection. With a joke, at least, Thatcher taught him that – when they first met, Lesion would raise his brows and change the topic when confronted with anything he did not want to comment on. Either he’s attempting to save the mood or his brain is working overtime to figure out how to respond. Good. So he doesn’t know what to think about this either.

“Nah. We both know the lad barely drinks.”

Lesion begins pushing the crumbs on his plate into a neat pile. “He does when James is around.”

And this is why Thatcher chooses him for any difficult topic. Lesion has mastered the art of being unobtrusive and inoffensive to the point where everyone around him either forgets his presence or believes him to be an accomplice of sorts, thus dropping all inhibitions. His skills in information gathering and observation are unparalleled and Thatcher enjoys making use of them, even if it’s for petty purposes.

Well. Especially for petty purposes.

He’s right, of course, he always is: Thatcher retroactively analyses Mute’s behaviour around his colleague and concludes that yes, Mute does indeed let Smoke be a bad influence on him.

“Tell me what happened.”

Somehow, the initial friction has disappeared and though Thatcher would prefer a sharper exchange of words, he plays along for now. “Julien dragged him to a Pride event last week and some bloke there talked Mark into believing he fancies James. He’s not fully sure, though, so he poured his little heart out to me.”

He spots the tell-tale crease between Lesion’s brow. He’s getting pissed – even though Thatcher isn’t entirely certain why. But that’s what he’s here to find out. “I have additional questions”, Lesion states after a moment, “but I think it’s best if you tell me your thought process first.”

“On what?”

“You seem to disagree with him. I’d like to hear why.”

“With whom?”

Lesion refuses to take the bait and get angry over stupid details. His patience is another virtue Thatcher admires greatly. “With Mark’s assessment of himself.”

“That he thinks he’s gay?”

“Yes.” He takes a sip of his tea. “That.”

Alright then. If this was anyone else, Thatcher would refrain from elaborating, wave it off and attribute it to personal differences rather than risk offending or coming across as ignorant. The two of them, however, have known each other for such a long time that no such anxieties remain: they’ve both made idiots of themselves in front of the other, have supported each other through various crises, have become such an important and fundamental part of each others’ lives that he discards any vanities in favour of personal growth.

Most of the time.

Which doesn’t contradict his urge to exasperate his best friend. It’s almost… charming? Endearing? He’s not sure of the correct term, but it does leave a deep, satisfying feeling in the low of his stomach to watch Lesion ruthlessly apply logic to try and change his mind, working himself up to unmerciful gentleness with which he both ensures victory and that Thatcher’s pride isn’t hurt. These days, he rarely allows himself any indulgences, yet Lesion’s cutting rhetoric is too addicting.

He’s not proven wrong often, but with this man, he almost enjoys it.

“We’ve talked about it before”, he starts, Lesion keeping up eye contact now as he finishes the other half of his croissant, “being gay isn’t a choice.”

An encouraging nod. So far, so good.

“Either you’re born gay or you’re not.”

The nodding fades. Surely, he can’t object this early.

“So either you know that you’re gay, or you don’t know, which means you’re not. And yeah, there’s the bisexuals and whatever, but they know who they are as well. Mark on the other hand said he never really had any interest in anyone until now – but if he was gay, that wouldn’t have happened.” He probably should stop talking. Lesion is looking at him, mid-chew, the same way he did when Thatcher ranted about poor people always buying poor quality products even though purchasing slightly more expensive, higher-quality ones would last much longer.

Which, alright. He conceded the point eventually.

Another sip of tea after the croissant has disappeared. Lesion adds more crumbs to his pile. “Is it too late then?”, he asks, curious. “For him to realise he fancies men.”

“Huh? No.” Ridiculous. As if there was some kind of cut-off point where lads had to live as heteros because they didn’t claim their gayness fast enough. “No, what I mean is… he’s just not gay. He’s found a kindred spirit in James, somehow, and I predict he’s going to turn into an annoying little gremlin under his supervision, but he’s confusing a serious, close friendship with, I don’t know, attraction? Romance?” The more he scrutinises it in his head, the more sense it makes. “Yeah. He never fancied anyone before. How would he know what it feels like? I have the impression he just never had a friendship like that before.”

Actually, this is obvious – he’s almost embarrassed he couldn’t come up with the same explanation when Mark sought him out. No wonder the poor lad is a little lost, a shithead like Smoke will do that to an innocent soul.

Lesion is starting to shift now, sharpen around the edges, weighs his words more deliberately before he allows them to escape his lips. It’s reminiscent of how he is on the job, competent, no-nonsense. He might crack jokes and wear a smile but Thatcher’s gaze penetrates the thin veneer of jovial gestures to reveal remorseless efficiency. And though he respects that part of Lesion deeply, he also savours how pliable, how… domestic they are around each other. Lesion has saved his life more than once, and he’s helped remodel Thatcher’s bathroom. He asked Thatcher to test drive a used car he considered buying, and he’s killed with a smile and a shrug.

If he’s honest, Thatcher prefers his softer side. There’s something peaceful in sitting in his garden and trying to spot birds, even if they’ve had to wash blood off their bodies more times than they care to count.

“How did he come to the conclusion that he likes James?” Gathering more necessary intel. Thatcher suppresses a grin.

“I can’t recall his exact words, it was surprisingly flowery. Maybe he dreamt about kissing him, felt like he was having butterflies in his stomach whenever James texted him, something along those lines. Typical shite, you know. But I mean, that’s normal.”

Lesion’s eyes snap up.

Oh? He’s picked up on something though Thatcher wouldn’t know what exactly. They’re still dancing around the issue, Lesion hasn’t formulated his point yet so it’s difficult to tell what he’s thinking. It’s no fight yet.

“Normal stuff”, Lesion repeats and it sounds very close to a question. He must know what Thatcher means.

“Aye. Everyone has these kinds of thoughts, even if there’s some kind of stigma on it since blokes barely talk about it. It’s curiosity, nothing more, the brain latches on to something and you can’t get it out of your head for a while. Like buying a new car, innit? A mate gets himself a brand new ride and suddenly, you want one too. It’s almost impossible to push that thought away.”

“… a new car.” It seems Lesion has resorted to parroting bits and pieces of Thatcher’s speech. Again, with anybody else, he’d be upset that he’s opening up about a topic rarely discussed between men and met with hesitant mockery, but this is Lesion. His best friend would rather jump out the window than hurt him deliberately.

“Not the best metaphor maybe, but you get the gist. He’ll just have to pull himself together and realise it’s perfectly normal to have these kinds of, I don’t know, intrusive thoughts, and move on.”

Lesion’s face evokes the image of an exhausted mum debating internally whether she should let her child eat the crayons just so she can have a bit of peace and quiet. He’s still not contributing to their conversation which is frankly worrisome – not that Thatcher is apprehensive about what might be going on in his head, but he knows the longer he talks the worse it gets. The two of them have a code word for ‘you should probably shut up now’ and there’s a reason Lesion is the only one who uses it regularly.

“Do you not agree? Just because you think like this doesn’t mean you’re queer. Hell, most of the blokes on this earth would’ve ended up married to another bloke if they followed that line of thinking. The two of us might as well have married.”

This shakes Lesion out of his stupor. “Might as well”, he repeats, sounding oddly entertained. It seems he’s about to add something but decides against it, shaking his head a little before he takes a deep breath and gets up to pour himself another cuppa. Buying more time. This is getting serious. “Want the rest?”

Thatcher hands him his Arsenal mug, mulling over the phrase which seems to have sparked amusement in his best friend. There’s worse fates in the world than being tied to this man, he supposes – they get along better than any married couple he knows. Most days, their schedules are intertwined, they give and take in equal measure and have found compromises for all their differences in taste. “Might as well”, Thatcher mutters without meaning to and accepts the tea-filled mug with an added ‘ta’.

Instead of sitting back down, Lesion leans against the counter, fingers wrapped around the Winnie the Pooh mug he used to pick as a joke (and now defends from other guests), steady gaze resting on Thatcher without the hint of reproach. There’s a warmth in it he’s accustomed to seeing when it’s late and they drank a little too much. Quiet anxiousness rises in Thatcher; he can deal with exasperation but doesn’t do well with vulnerable sincerity.

“You’ve not talked about this with anybody else, I assume?”, Lesion asks.

“Of course not. If they’re all too embarrassed to say it out loud, I’m not gonna be the first one.”

An eternity passes while Lesion stands there, eyes drifting aimlessly around the cosy kitchen, and contemplates how to reply. Thatcher’s uneasiness increases with every passing second yet he knows better than to interrupt the other man’s thoughts. Despite his growing desperation to interrupt his own.

He has a feeling he won’t like what he’ll hear next.

“I wouldn’t call it ‘normal’”, Lesion starts hesitantly. “I do believe it’s not unusual to be curious in one’s younger years, but… dreaming about kissing your mates when you’re in your fifties is, um.”

Thatcher’s cheeks begin to heat up. He hopes he hasn’t committed a grave mistake. “Oh come off it – don’t tell me you don’t think about those things.”

“Ah…” The corners of Lesion’s mouth lift into a sheepish smile. “I do.”

“See!”

“But, Mike. I’m gay.”

Uh.

Thatcher’s brain screeches to a halt. “What”, he says and can’t keep the hint of anger out of his voice. Strangely, he feels betrayed rather than surprised, and it’s a tad odd to realise he’s genuinely upset over the fact Lesion never told him. He cares not one bit about his sexuality, Lesion can do whatever he wants, but Thatcher needs to be in on it. Still, it helps to distract him from the fact that Lesion’s earlier words open up an entirely different can of worms.

Which is that apparently Thatcher’s mind has significant overlap with that of a gay man, at least where other men are concerned, and he is not prepared to face this particular revelation just yet.

Maybe I should’ve married him, he thinks and suppresses the sudden, absurd urge to laugh.

“Do you want to talk about this?”, Lesion offers, still smiling, and it’s eerie how well he knows him – when conflicted, Thatcher tends to withdraw unless assisted, yet is too prideful to ask.

He appreciates the suggestion but appearances force him to weakly object: “Don’t you have errands to run today?”

Lesion shrugs. “They can wait. I’d rather make sure you don’t end up brooding the whole weekend.”

A fair assessment. Thatcher nods and is flooded with relief over having someone in his life so willing to talk about everything and nothing, except… Suddenly, there’s something else besides gratitude as well.

~*~

“… so, in conclusion, it doesn’t matter what you identify as. Just do what you feel is right, use your common sense – and I know you have a lot of that. If you feel an attraction, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing it without worrying about labels for the moment. Alright, lad?”

Mute stares at him in much the same way Thatcher’s family did on their last reunion when he asked for extra vegetables. He adds a mental note to teach Mute how to control his expressions better and keep his composure even when confronted with the unimaginable.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“No, I just -” The lad blinks a few times before starting to nod. “I mean, yeah. Thanks. That’s actually really helpful. I was worried about some of it, but what you said just… some things clicked.”

Boy does Thatcher know how that feels. “Don’t mention it. You got your head on straight, lad, keep it that way.” He realises too late and hastens to correct himself: “I don’t mean – well, you know what I mean.”

His awkward floundering earns him a grin he much prefers over the troubled look which has recently dominated the young man’s features. “Yeah. No worries.”

“Good man.” Thatcher pats his back and gets up, relieved their talk went smoothly and confident he’ll be able to manoeuvre similar conversations in the future. Which is a relief, because based on Mute’s memes, the entire younger generation is some kind of queer or other and he’s had his suspicions about Dokkaebi for a while.

“Just one question though.”

He turns to Mute, expecting anything from mundane to profound and certain he will be able to advise. After all, it’s his job to guide and teach wherever he can.

The lad points to Thatcher’s neck. “… is that a hickey?”

Alright.

Well.

Time to make up an excuse and get the fuck out of here.

#rainbow six siege #fanfic #oneshot #thatcher #lesion #smoke #mute #thatcher/lesion #smoke/mute #event #I either want to write 100% smut or 100k fics and there's no in between #so please accept this as an offering instead #inspired by comments about people who are ACTUALLY like thatcher and everyone hopes they figure it out eventually #lesion is starting to give me big kim kitsuragi vibes

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hisnowbie2 · 2 months

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Summary:

¤ Once a month, all male students will have to test out their knowledge, entering early the harsh society as those who are in the top of the chart will be treated differently. A brutal ranking system whereby some used their money to score high, and the fact that the low ranks mysteriously died as a rumor, will Kang Taehyun, the first in the rank, solve the harsh school rule together with a transfer student? ¤

Ladder masterlist

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THREE : 【 Theory vs Practical 】 (1.9k)

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You didn't think you could hold onto breath for long, but it showed you that it's possible. Two days from coming back to the school and once you actually step into the school grounds as an actual student makes you feel different, feel so small and timid. Is it because Jaemin said this is for the rich and or smart students? Or is it because of what Jaemin told his stories?

Not so long ago you messaged Jaemin that you are arriving, and he told you that he will be right there, but you would expect him to be late, since the school ground area is ten times normal school. You didn't walk off your spot, you waited, not because you are not familiar with directions, but with the students. You might now know, they might have their invisible mask on. Reading all the stories Jaemin told you taught you to be wary of all students except Jaemin.

And so you waited.

Not long after he came rushing towards you, and soon walk together with you into the interior of the school. You look at your phone for your class information, Jaemin tries to explain what each classes teach. So far, it's totally different.

"Well," Jaemin paused. "We have 10 subjects, optional to take more than that, but 10 in minimum. English, mandarin and korean languages, history, geography, physics, biology, chemistry, literature and lastly, mathematics."

And when you said totally different, it is. The fact that Jaemin said the minimum subjects to take are 10 made your gears in your brain overworked. The list of subjects that Jaemin said are compulsory. You almost shivered. Your face screams awkward, but Jaemin's expression doesn't help you understand anything right now.

"And the non-compulsory subjects are any world-wide languages, art and design, and computer."

"Each day we attend 2 subjects, 5 days in a week, so which is why we have lots of free time." He zooms in your timetable and points across the empty slots. "These free time can be used in entertainment rooms, non-compulsory subjects, or just go home."

You hum at his explaination.

"Luckily, I have a few classes with you, so I can sit beside you." He paused, going for the next explaination.

"Now, all subjects are almost the same as how normal school usually teach, but," He points at one particular subject: Mathematics. "But this? It's completely different. Normal schools, from what I know, learnt algebra or some sort, this school doesn't. Business related maths and coding maths. Any math-related that isn't useless to the society, they add in."

"For accountance job some sort?"

Jaemin hums with a nod.

"What do you mean by coding maths?"

"Know what's a cipher list?" He looks at you, wishing you know a little bit.

"Morse code?"

He smiles, relieved that you know the most basic and most famous cipher. "Yeap. Other ciphers are ROT13, Base 64, caesar, substitution, baconian, and the list goes on."

You frown. Isn't that for the computer to do? Yet you didn't comment much, continue to listen to his explaination.

"What else?" He pouts finger tapping on his lip as he thinks through, while you look around your surrounding, seeing students hanging out mostly on their own, books on their arms. For a second, you almost thought that these students are being forced to study against their will, school training them to be the best. You shake off the thought and look back to Jaemin.

"If d3ath is mostly everyday, it's going to be hard to make friends, no? Not knowing when we will d!e." You said out loud, and Jaemin awkwardly smiles, not denying your statement. With no reply getting back, you sigh, pressing your lips into a thin line as you stop talking.

You guess this is why you see a normal student life in every other school is not going to happen in this school anymore. You surely miss your friends hanging out together by anyone's locker, chit-chatting away happily and noisily.

Jaemin was trying to make the tension high-spirit, when his name was called from behind, and the both of you looked behind together, watching two students walking towards you and Jaemin.

"Ah, Jay," Jaemin called out, and you gave out a small smile before watching Jaemin and the stusent called Jay communicate with each other. "The agreement is still on?"

Jay nodded, hands in his pocket. "Of course, your family has been nothing but excellent to ours. It's our job to repay back by teaming up with your future company's name."

You assume they are talking about business. With one talking oh so serious, Jaemin doesn't talk that way. Since business isn't your first choice, you choose to close off their chat, and focus on other things, but definitely not removing yourself away from Jaemin. Your eyes focus on the student next to Jay. The nameless student who didn't said a word nor introduce himself. He stared at Jaemin, and then to you longer before he looks at his watch.

"-this is yn, yfn." You didn't know where is the conversation leading to, but hearing your name wakes you up, causing you to look at Jaemin before the two students in front of you, and you smile again, saying a hi.

The two students looks at you, said nothing, and Jay looks at Jaemin. "Be careful of Hojin."

Jaemin sighs, and you become puzzled. "He knew every of yn's information now, huh?"

Jay shugs, before ending the conversation the leave together with the nameless student. You watched as both of them leave and look straight to Jaemin.

"What do you mean by that?"

Jaemin seems to hesitate answering you, but speaks up. "Suh Hojin, rank 2, he-" Jaemin becomes wary of his surrounding, moving closer to you as he whispers. "-buys his rank to stay in top 10, earning his place as rank 2. If he brought his rank, he buys any information that is related to the school, including students."

You widen your eyes. You wished you had not heard that loud and clear. Your information has been leaked by a bully? You locked eyes with Jaemin, he showed you sorrow.

"Which is why I wished you can climb up ranks immediately, because I can't help you much either with my rank."

You bite your inner cheeks, brainstorming on how to live your school life as peaceful as possible, and also not drop in rank. Jaemin begin to walk again when an announcement has been made through a speaker.

"All students are optional to watch the examination. Please go to entertainment room 74 for reference."

Jaemin gulps as the announcement ended and he looks at you.

"Wanna go check out for your first time?"

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A room whereby students, Jaemin and you settled down in front of a projector screen, whereby it shows a night-vision type of a live action camera. There in the room stood a student, blindfolded, without a sense of urge and panic, just calm.

Rather, you felt that you are the one in the room, heart besting fast without a sense of sight. You looked at every students, and they seems to be calm too, as if the examination doesn't cost a life if failed. You then look over to the time above the projector screen. It's counting down, closer to the student's examination. Though in night-vision, you can't tell by the concept of the room that the student is stucked. A table in the middle and a door to possibly escape from there? Not much exposure but you heard from Jaemin that the darkness will be filled up with light once the time has started, and so you waited.

"The examination will start in 3,"

The door opens and there reveals Jay and the nameless student.

"2,"

Both of them settled down behind you.

"1. The examination begins."

The night-vision camera changes its mode once the light is turned on, and the student takes off his blindfold, head immediately searching for clues to escape. You finally are able to see the entire room. Questions written on walls and on the table, the camera zooms in on the lock to let viewers know that it's a 4-digits code.

Your eyes immediately glance through each questions, understanding that there are questions of mathematics, geography and physics.

What US states share a border with Mexico?

Three vectors, A, B, and C, are related as follows: A/C = 2 at 120 deg, A + B = -5 + j15, C = conjugate of B. Find C.

ROT13 and morse code.

You look closely at the lock, seeing that it is a 4-digit number code, letting your brain immediately telling you that the last question to be solved should in either mathematics or physics, but that confuses you. You aren't sure which subject question to start first. The order of the answers should be accurate, if not the wrong answer to the lock will take too much time.

You try to look for more clues, only seeing a big red X drawn at a wall.

3 hours started once the lights turned on, and the room is in silence. You peak over to Jaemin to see him fully focus, a sight that you never see before on him. That shocked you and lead you to look back at the screen, watching the student solve on his own, while at the same time you try to solve it in your brain.

2 hours later, you heard a chair behind you moved, and you turned back to see Jay and the nameless student move out of the room, closing the door. It made you curious, but you didn't want to disturb Jaemin who is still focusing, and so you decided to stay where you are.

10 minutes later, Jaemin hums softly before looking at you. There are tons of questions hanging in your head, but you wanted to move out of the room before asking anything. He sensed that you have questions and gladly get up, moving out of the room, closing the door behind him.

"So, what's up?" He asked.

You point towards the door that both of you had just got out. "So we are going to be tested in that way?"

He nods, and starts walking. "Every student has different rooms to escape from, but it will be the same every month."

"I saw Jay dude and his friend left earlier. Why?"

"Like me, well, I don't know about you, but once you know the answer to the lock, you are free to get out of the room."

You froze. Within 2 hours they managed to get it, even without checking their answer by staying all the way till the end?

"From the expression you have right now, I assume you just blindly follow me out of that room huh?" You nod, and he chuckles, patting on your shoulder. "Do you still remember the questions?"

You nod again.

"Good. Now keep this answer in your mind, see if you can find the process or not." He paused. "The answer is 5193."

One last double pat on your shoulder, he goes close to you and whispers. "Theory is you understand everything, but never get to experience it. Practical makes you partially forget theory because of anxiousness."

He moves back and smiles at you. "Don't worry. It's your first time. You can watch it for a month before yours arrive."

"Don't you think that's concerning?" You asked, trying to match up with his walking speed. He shrugs, said nothing, but something tells you that you will get used to it after staying for long here in this school, SIBH.

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#kpop #hybe #smau #kpop smau #tomorrow x together #txt #choi yeonjun #choi beomgyu #choi soobin #hueningkai #kang taehyun #taehyun smau #txt smau

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definitelyy-not-a-vampire · 9 months

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ASK GAME SPAMERO AYO! (ahem)

Let's see #s 1, 7, 8, 13, 15, 18, 25, and 30 :)

(yet another artist friend who is gonna have to deal with SOO MANY QUESTIONS haha, sorry not sorry, I AM ENDLESSLY CURIOUS AND MUST KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT MY ARTIST FRIENDS AND THEIR PROCESS AND SUCH! 🎊🎊🎊

PLS DON'T APOLOGISE, ASKS MAKE ME V HAPPY INDEEDY! 🥰☺️

This is much more… ex-art student orientated than character design/TSC/CS/ML orientated, I'm sorry! But it was quite nice to reflect on my uni degree and the body of work that I produced during that period of my life!

To make up for it, however, here are a couple of doods :D — a rather surly-looking Jack (wip; you can just about see Lucy in there too) and an adult!Fiera! (I need to update her design, this is just a prototype!)

Art programs you have but don’t use. Adobe Illustrator! I learnt to use it at uni (I studied Illustration and Design) but am much more disposed to Photoshop and Procreate.

A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate. Like a physical medium? Hmm… I’m going to say pastels. There are very few mediums I don’t work in (when I’m actually producing art, that is, lmao). I love oils, acrylics, charcoals. Pretty much everything. But pastels… I’ve never really taken the time to get to know them. Maybe I should!

What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in? During my final year of uni I wrote and illustrated my own children’s book. I am, to this day, quite proud of it and hope to one day finalise the illos. …Maybe. Possibly. I wouldn’t therefore say that I’ve “lost interest” in it, necessarily, but it’s certainly fallen to the wayside (it has after all been four years).

A creator who you admire but whose work isn’t your thing. This is very tricky bc I’m hard pressed to think of any creators whose work isn’t “my thing”. If it’s artsy then I’m gonna enjoy it, no matter what! With that in mind (and if it’s okay?) I may have to amend this to, “a creator who you admire but whose work you could never emulate”, and that creator is Georgia Lowe (@georgialowpapercuts on insta). She makes the most sublime paper cut outs — stunningly intricate, extraordinarily delicate! I adore them! I’m not sure I could ever have the patience to make something that time-consuming.

*Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth). In my flat. Typically while sitting (pretzel-like) on my sofa. I’m very boring! Although I have been known to take a sketchbook to the V&A or the Tate Britain, every once in awhile. Or on a walk around Hyde. It’s not a common occurrence, though. I don’t like to draw in public spaces lest someone ask to see what I’m working on! I’m extraordinarily shy about my work.

An estimate of how many art supplies you’ve broken. Countless, lmao. I am a clumsy bean and shit happens. The most frustrating was when I tore a newly bought canvas. A very big canvas at that. Oh and when I dropped a bag full of chalks and charcoals — makes them so much harder to use! I also snapped a paintbrush once, because I didn’t realise how badly I was bending it while pouring over an exam piece.

Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by. One of my editorial pieces was once likened to Escher's work, which — while enormously flattering — had not been my intention!

What piece of yours do you think is underrated. Looking back, there are several pieces I submitted as part of my overall body of coursework which I deeply disliked at the time (having been staring at them for months) but am now fairly fond of! One charcoal image of a horse, in particular, springeth to mind.

#TYVM Dani!#This was a lot of fun 🤩#askbox games #art #I'm so sorry for how behind I am in posting Various Things That I've Mentioned Over the Past Few Weeks #I promise it's all coming #reviews #sibling hugs!#life's just a wee bit hectic atm!!#tsc #the santa clause #jack frost #character design

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swolesecrets · 8 months

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Food is Fuel.

We all know that food is an essential part of life, but just how important is it really? In this blog we will be discussing macros, and calories, all because nutrition is the first leading factor to your results and physical well-being...

What are macro nutrients and why are they important? They are nutrients used in large amounts used by the body in order to perform it's daily tasks. In these sub groups, we can find protein, carbohydrates and fats. With various misconceptions concerning these essential nutrients, I would like to clear up misinformation.

I think that the most common one talked about amongst the three, especially in the fitness world would be protein. Okay, but why do we talk about protein, what does it really do... Also explained in Biology, proteins are used in order to create new cells during the process of mitosis, and to repair damaged cells, which is exactly what happens when exercising. The muscle fibers are torn and then fixed with the protein we ingest. All of this to say that if you want to get "bigger muscles" eat your protein.

I typically aim for my bodyweight in protein grams as a daily goal so for me around 130 grams. However, it is very important to know that grams of protein, and calories don't only come from food. All food is calories, yet not all calories come from food... You see, almost all things we consume contain calories, that amount just varies based on the item in question, besides water, or specialized drinks (coke zero, diet pepsi, etc..). Therefore, when we drink juice, add dressing to our salad or add olive oil into a skillet, those are also calories, simply in liquid form, which are the sneakiest kinds of calories. For as good as "budget friendly" could get with protein... Here are some of my favourite "somewhat" budget friendly high protein foods and meals;

Cottage cheese; Personally, after basically force feeding myself to eat cottage cheese over the last year, I think that I have just learnt to enjoy it and I find it easier on the stomach compared to other protein sources. Yet many people seem to not like cottage cheese, perhaps trying to add some honey on it, I have heard was good from others, and some say they enjoy mustard.

Low fat greek yogourt; Another food that some people have troubles with would be low fat greek yogourt. I know for myself this is the case, to me it is the sour after taste, and the texture I think. I enjoy making frozen yogourt however to solve the texture problem. Although higher on the price range, in my experience, there are always atleast one pack on sale.

Chicken breast; The canned ones from costco are affordable and to me not that bad for canned chicken. I have made so may things with this product, such as chicken salad for sandwiches and wraps, butter chicken, chicken pasta and buffalo chicken wraps...

Rotisserie chicken; If canned chicken is not for you, we also buy the Whole Rotisserie Costco Chicken's. For only 8$, the whole chicken will last me, my mom and brother a whole week being used in various meals...

Turkey; Simply turkey no name lunch meat, and even lunch meat variety packs in bulk at costco, yet still available at every grocery store, are great sources of lean protein.

Robert Irvine's protein bars; Best protein bars in terms of taste for sure, having tried so many.

Premier Protein shake, or protein milk and Fairlife (when on sale); My go-to protein packed drinks, that are portable perfect for student life-syle.

EGGS! Specifically egg whites, but I am not that picky; I don't LOVE eggs however awesome and easy source of protein, the calories to protein ratio is great. I like mine "sunny side up" or "scrambled" with ketchup. Deviled eggs are also nice when I have some time to make them. On the other hand fats and carbs are commonly words that scare a lot of people, especially those wanting to lose weight, and to be honest I was one of those people once. However, carbs and fats are your primary source of energy. Carbs being used for quick and rapid acting energy, such as cardio. Yet fats are used for long term energy stock as well as absorption necessary for a healthy body. In order to do the things you love, to talk to your friends and family, perform any physical activity, and to use your brain to its full potential, fats and carbs are NEEDED. I used to track my carbs and fats, but I don't find that necessary anymore... Simply being conscious of their importance and incorporating them in my diet, is now enough for me; intuitive eating. Here are my favourite carb and fat sources;

Whole wheat pasta

English muffins

Fresh fruits

Vegetables

Oats

Cheerios honestly

Oatmeal

Salmon again

Nuts such as cashews, walnuts, peanuts, peanut butter

Avocado

So let this be your daily reminder to go eat your food, some REAL food, and stay conscious about your macro nutrients based on your goal's needs. Eating intuitively is the best way to maintain a good relationship with food while dieting, in my experience!

#nutrition #macros #dieting #eatyourprotein #protein #healthy

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lindsaywesker · 8 months

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Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day.

Welcome to the working week although, for those of you working in the NHS, welcome to just another day.

The weekend got off to a great start: a funeral. The Trouble is still affected by dengue fever and is feeling weak (functioning at about 40%) but one of her best friends lost her mum recently, so we had to go. Naturally, tears were shed at the crematorium but, once we got to the reception, we began to reminisce and smile and, eventually, laugh. The reception was held in the function room at the London Wetland Centre in Barnes. Ever been there? What a great space! I recommend it highly. The hostess laid on a delicious spread and no one left there hungry! At about 6.00, it began to turn dark and began to rain. There was seven of us and just one car. What to do? What would seven tipsy teenagers do? So, seven grown-ass adults crammed into my car and, laughing all the way, we crawled back to the hostess’s house, where more drinking and laughing ensued.

Many thanks to everyone that listened to the show. If you missed it, yes, it’s available on Mixcloud. One of my students asked if she could sit in on the show and, on Saturday evening, she sent me probably the best review I’ve ever received. “Thanks again for today’s radio set, Lindsay! I definitely learnt a lot from you and highly respect your focused dedication off and on air. You playfully smother your audience with relevant news and nostalgic gems and it truly was a pleasure to experience the magic unfold!” Wow! Proper choked me up!

On Sunday afternoon, we went and spent some time with one of our favourite people. As the diary has been so chocka, it’s taken us a while to get to her but we were very happy to finally reach her front door (even though it meant travelling on The Highway To Hell a.k.a. the North Circular Road.) This particular lady has pretty much been unable to leave her house for a few years. Imagine that! What’s happened to her (and the associated conditions) would fill several medical textbooks; she can’t work, can’t socialise, can’t shop. We’ve kept in contact via WhatsApp but we were really happy to see her face and break bread (well, bagels, to be precise!) She made us her signature cheesecake; we ate half of it and brought the other half home. A yummy treat for later in the week. As it goes, she looks and sounds much better than she was. People, I don’t need to tell you: take care of your physical and mental wellbeing, live good and enjoy every damn minute of your life!

No controversial words today. Opinion is not welcome on this site. If I say certain words, you won’t even see this status! Better for me to stay quiet and anonymous, another brick in the wall. Better for me to stay quiet, unless I agree with those that control the flow of information. (Thankfully, there are many other places where free speech is allowed.)

Have a marvellous and momentous Monday. I love you all.

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #new blog #lockdown #coronavirus #books #weekend #democracy #brexit #cronyism #election #radio

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alasanlain · 9 months

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I finished college, here's what I learnt.

June, this year, was the final month of college for me. It took me five and a half years to finish the entire curriculum, and during those times I did learn a lot.

No, this won't be a snarky thing where I'll say: nothing valuable was learnt at all during college! Because despite the overwhelming urge of saying that, I think being dismissive of all the good things college has taught me is dishonesty.

For my first year, I thought going into college was a mistake. Everything felt really out of place for me. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone, and that everyone is out for themselves.

I was right, of course, everyone did have their own goals, they are out for themselves. This is because I am no longer bound in the "high school" environment, where the goals were set by the teachers: essentially a higher power. Because of that, I feel lost.

One thing I really held on to from my first year is the allegory of the sea. My senior told me that being in college is like jumping on a large body of water, or the sea. Whether you decide to back out, keep swimming, or stay and drown, you're wet anyhow. Might as well.

That phrase, "might as well", is etched in my heart all the way until graduation.

What I like about the allegory is that it tactfully, and unknowingly, also describe how I felt at that time: lost, not knowing what to do, and facing a huge new reality. That was until third semester rolls in. I think, because of how new I was to the experience, I expected something different. But because the curriculum for new students in my college is very similar to high school, I also have a lingering harmful nostalgia to my days in school.

I remember talking to my parents about college. I said to them that nobody in there (my campus) is worth my time. My seniors only speak in jargons, and my classmates are not friendly at all.

So, first years taught me about despair. It's something I have never truly experienced before. Thankfully, I grit my teeth and told myself that this too, shall pass. That everything is going to be okay tomorrow, and that everyone will wake up the same way.

Truthfully, I would love to return back as a freshman. Experiencing that despair again, one that made me appreciate how melancholic some things can be. I wouldn't change a thing, cringy and all. The things I did during my freshmen years were the building blocks of who I am today.

Once the third semester rolls around, we started to develop our own interests in the specifics. We take the same classes, but it is evident that our pathways are going to separate one day. This is actually a good thing, because now for the first time I actually felt like a college student.

Things were sailing smoothly for now. I learnt little things like scientific writing, organizations, and further time management. My decision of joining an organization was a good one in my opinion. It led me to understand my friends and my seniors more. They are humans after all, not some mythical creature I imagined them to be.

Complex as they are, the more I hang out with them the more I appreciate their existence. I no longer view them as tropes or characters. I think of them as human beings. Flawed, personal, subjective, and beautiful human beings.

We will now move on further to the future, passing through the fourth and fifth semester. Honestly, because there weren't any significant events happening in those two semesters, I feel like I don't need to mention them. I was comfortable, something must happen to shake things up.

Something did happen.

I don't think anything can top the slow burn of the COVID-19 pandemic. It starts slowly, news from all the way over in China, people celebrating the "two-weeks" off campus, making plans with friends on how to spend those off period. But then it hits us all.

Two weeks turns into a month, and a month turns into a semester. I still remember the literal final days of me going to a physical college class as a bachelor. It was a Monday; we were studying Plant Genetics.

The professor ended the lecture by saying his plans of teaching us something later at 13:00 or the practical period of the course, but then after we all went downstairs, he called me. He told me that the dean passed an internal note to cease offline classes for the day and that the morning class we just had is the last class, effective immediately.

I passed this message to my friends, and we were a bit ecstatic. Especially those who are known to skip classes, they were over the moon. Seems like at the time we all view the pandemic as something trivial, something that may be large but will pass as soon as it comes.

Have you ever felt like you're in a loop? Like a dream you're in where, as soon as you wake up, you manage to find yourself in another dream. The desperation you feel at that moment and the want to escape the loop. Imagine that for an entire year.

During the pandemic, I did attend classes, but I have to admit around half of the times I fell asleep. I remember it was always a hot and humid day, and because of that every time I nod off on a class it turns into a full-blown nap.

At first it wasn't a habit, but habits form out of convenience. If an action is done repeatedly enough with no breaks from the inertia, it will become a habit. My habit was sleeping in the morning.

I won't get into a weird tangent where I would condemn morning sleep and what not. But if the previous wish were to be granted, and I were to relive the pandemic again, I would definitely avoid this habit.

See, because sleeping in the morning really makes you feel groggy afterwards. You essentially feel like you're missing out on something, but you have no idea what. This is worse because since it's the pandemic, there really is nothing to do.

All of this culminated in me doing absolutely nothing for an entire year.

At the time I chalked it up to depression. A direct result of confusion and a whole new environment. But doing so for an entire year broke me. Add to that my friends are graduating one by one.

I am not one to hold anything against my friends. I am not envious of them. However, I do feel like it is unfair. Like the sea allegory before, seems like they found their islands earlier than me.

It's possible, maybe, that they have a bit of help here and there. A raft to go with, a ship sailing around them, anything to reach the other side. For me, I felt alone.

Loneliness is powerful. Because humans are social creatures by design, and your brain could be imbalanced enough to feel loneliness and experience it without the knowledge of why. This is what happens to me for two years.

The final stretch of my college life is filled with that feeling. Loneliness. I feel like a pariah because my parents kept asking me about my grades and how I'm doing. This is until I decided to just say fuck it. Might as well.

I tried to sort things up, do my thesis, and everything I needed to do in order to actually finish college. Then it happened. Like wisps of air, breezing like nothing at all.

I graduated.

It wasn't a fanfare; it wasn't much of a celebration. All I did was attend graduation ceremonies and go home. I did take pictures with my family, so that's something. We rarely do that.

Maybe it is special, in its own way. Maybe I feel like it's a breeze because I haven't had time to really let it sink in yet. Maybe it really is nothing at all.

But to be honest, five and a half years is a long time. In that stretch of time, I did a lot of things. Many of them still haven't had their proper "end" yet.

This post is meant to be an effigy I burn to let my college go. The despair I felt in the start, the happiness of the middle, and all the blur of the end. I have finished my bachelor's degree, and I may be allowed to feel a bit more relaxed than before.

Wish You Were Here, Eosolpeun.

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avania1105 · 10 months

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Standing on the edge of becoming an OT

As a first-year OT student, I did not really understand what OT was about and many of my lecturers had said that OT will only make sense in third year and mind you, they were absolutely correct. My OT journey thus far has been a roller coaster, with lots of smiles, cheer, and laughter but also with many late nights and early mornings, breakdowns when things get overwhelming and stress from working in groups with uncooperative people ( but anyways that is a blog on its own, Hahaha :(: )

Over the years, I have learnt so much about OT and the various roles of OT's in psychiatric settings and physical settings. I do not have a preference yet because they both have pros and cons.

I have always been an introvert and studying OT has made me less of an introvert (not yet an extrovert though, lol). I have moved out of my comfort zone and tried lots of different things that I would not have normally tried such as sewing and woodwork. Sewing was one of my worst classes because bobbins kept getting stuck, needles were getting broken, and tears were being shed.

Thomas Edison once said, "Failure is the stepping stone to success." And that is true because with every failure we learn how to do it better and get it right the next time. However, it is important not to give up on the first try or the second or even the third try 😂👀. Every adversity, disappointment, and failure carries with it the seeds of success. It just takes a little positive mental attitude and a commitment to keep trying.

Even though OT is a gratifying profession, it can sometimes be mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. Something that I have had to come to terms with, is the fact that A’s do not matter in university and that is something I struggled with a lot because for me doing well, was getting nothing less than 80% so when I was not achieving that, it started to affect me mentally and emotionally. This caused me to always be on overdrive, aiming for perfection and nothing less. Something that I realized is that University is not just about studying, studying, studying but it is also about making memories with your friends because there is a great chance that you may never get to experience this again. What I learnt from this is, it is okay to make mistakes and not get A’s but rather to enjoy every moment of my OT journey as a student and make the most of it.

Well, I am ¾ of an OT and closer to the finish line than I am to the starting line. As scary as that may seem, I am kind of embracing it, with open arms and looking forward to my future of graduating and becoming a qualified OT.

https://www.movingwithhope.org/posts/occupational-therapists-and-mental-health-interventions/

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aniruddharni · 11 months

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Fairly Ambiguous!

You might have heard of students playing truant, bunking classes and running off to watch movies. Have you come across an officer flicking through film magazines and watching movies in office time? Well, I must confess that I did it! And that too while discharging my official duties sincerely when I was posted as Managing Director, Kerala Film Development Corporation.

One day, Chief Conservator of Forests, late Shri V S Verghese, called me over intercom in Forest Headquarters where I was posted as Deputy Conservator of Forests (Development) with additional charge of DCF (Vigilance). He directed me to meet Shri M. M.Hassan, Minister for Culture in Congress government.

I had never met the minister earlier but when I called on him it was indicated that he was interested to post me on deputation as Managing Director of Film Development Corporation in Culture Department under him. Probably, reading the quizzical expressions on my face he put his cards on the table saying that the Corporation already had all the required experts in film making- camera man, award winning film directors, sound engineer, shooting crew, film developing staff in the laboratory and so on. No expertise regarding the craft of film making was expected from me. I was told that my job was only to streamline the administration.

Millions of people get attracted to the charm of films every year and I was no exception therefore I agreed to his suggestion immediately. Millions of people who do get attracted initially to the glamour also get embittered soon when they do not taste success even after a stiff struggle. I was also no exception. Once the government order was issued I took charge and learnt what was in store for me behind the grease and paint.

The Corporation had ten theatres all over Kerala for screening commercial films. We had a sprawling Chitranjali studio at Trivandrum where film shooting, film developing, editing, dubbing, and sound recording could happen under one roof. There were nearly three hundred employees- permanent and temporary. Yet, the main problem was that the government did not provide any funds for payment of salaries or wages and it was expected that Corporation would generate its own revenues as a commercial entity out of the assets that it possessed. Government only provided Rs. fifty lakhs every year for capital expenditure meant for building new assets but this fund could not be used for salaries and wages.

To my utter shock, all the bank accounts of the Corporation had been frozen by EPF (Employees’ Provident Fund) Commissioner under his statutory powers a week prior to my joining. Money could be deposited but not withdrawn from these accounts so that all dues to EPF Commissioner would be appropriated first and then only the surplus would be available to the Corporation for day to day expenditure.

For the past one year the Corporation was not generating enough revenues to meet the total salary commitment for the staff; only net salaries were being paid to them and that too intermittently. The statutory PF deduction from the salaries of all the staff were made on paper but never remitted to EPF Commissioner because physically the money was actually not there. This was a grave legal violation and it was the reason for freezing of bank accounts. Likewise, the life insurance premium deducted on paper from the salary of each employee was also not remitted to LIC causing the lapse of all the insurance policies.

It was a total financial mess. I found myself not only in the proverbial soup but in a boiling cauldron as I had become one among the Corporation employees after taking charge. Having temporarily severed my umbilical cord to the Forest Department because of deputation, my salary would also be paid only by the Corporation - provided there was money! However, no money could be withdrawn from the bone dry and frozen bank accounts. It felt like landing in a battle field with the hands tied behind my back.

After the initial intoxication of the new and high sounding job title had worn off, study of the organizational structure and revenue streams in the first few days revealed that the main source of income was the gate collection at theatres from ticket sales. Four film theatres at Calicut and Thrissur were real cash cows while other six were not doing well.

Charting films in theatres was a weekly exercise. Which commercial film to screen in which theatre and for how long? These were crucial business decisions because we were competing against privately owned theatres. Well, frankly speaking, even to suggest that we were competing against private players would be a bit of an exaggeration. I was reminded of the age old lesson- ‘government has no business to be in business!’ But when you are in a soup kept on a boil and your salary itself is at stake, you cannot find solace in old lessons. It was then that I started browsing through Malayalam film magazines to know in advance which films with superstars and good directors were under production so that they could be screened in our theatres immediately on release for higher revenues. It was time for ‘camera, action and cut’ in real life.

Few days of analysis and a patient ear helped in identifying one money guzzler pertaining to the operation costs of the Corporation. Most of the permanent employees wanted to be at Trivandrum and using political pressure they managed their postings either in Corporation head office or in Chitranjali studio making these places overstaffed and without any substantial work for them. In fact, few employees had some side business too that they nurtured in their spare time. More staff were actually required for manning the theatres elsewhere but the employees did not wish to be posted there so the theatres were actually being run by hiring daily wage temporary employees mounting the running cost and causing a big dent in the accounts of the Corporation.

Therefore, as a first step I drafted the transfer norms for shifting the employees out of Trivandrum and circulated to the employees’ unions for making the guidelines transparent. I knew that implementing the staff deployment was going to be a Herculean task considering that almost everybody had political connections in Kerala. Soon after the norms were accepted and approved in- house, I deployed many staff from Trivandrum to all the distant theatres thereby replacing the hired labour with the intention of curbing the expenditure. I believed in the traditional wisdom that a penny saved was a penny earned. I had to ensure that all transfers were according to the norms and kept a balance among all competing staff unions. I knew I had to live up to the dictum: ‘Caesar’s wife should always be above suspicion.’

There was a fall out to the policy of transfers that was, anyway, already anticipated. Lot of time was spent in discussions with the unions who had to conspicuously put up a ceremonial stiff opposition to the management against the transfers, despite realizing the dire need to do so, to keep their camp followers placated. A former Trivandrum MLA, representing the Left unions met me frequently in this regard arguing against few transfers but the discussions were always cordial over many cups of tea, presumably because he had lost the seat in the previous election and his party was in opposition in those days.

The transfers caused some resentment as the apple cart for few employees was upset. Fortunately, the financial health of the Corporation soon started showing “green shoots” (a term borrowed from Covid- battered -Indian economy -recovery as described by Ms. Nirmala Sitaraman recently) and thankfully all the employees started getting their full gross salaries in time. However, this was just not enough to prevent a faction of Congress backed union to approach the Culture Minister against me. By this time Shri Hassan, the minister who brought me in, had vacated the office.

The complaint was given a political flavor to make it more palatable to the minister and he was informed that I was a Left sympathizer and was guided in all decisions by the ex MLA of the Leftist party who spent a lot of time with me in office. This bogey can always be raised by disgruntled employees in any organization when there is nothing substantial to complain about and it carries traction with political masters too.

One day, Principal Secretary of Culture, Shri Bharat Bhushan, informed me over phone that the minister was not happy because few congress union people were frequently complaining against me and he was feeling compelled to shift me. However, I was very clear that ruthless decisions were required if the sinking ship was to be saved by plugging all the leaking holes. The time for soft pedaling was over. Moreover, I felt my personal fate and livelihood were also chained to the Corporation. Having soaked enough of communism in those many years of my stay in Kerala I could almost visualize Karl Marx waving a chuvappa kodi (red flag with hammer and sickle) and shouting hoarsely in my ears that I had nothing to lose but my chains in pursuing what I thought was right.

As instructed I met the minister in his chamber along with Shri Bharat Bhushan. The minister was absolutely candid and informed the Secretary that the Congress union members were hostile to the Managing Director because they felt discriminated while the Left party employees were favoured and that too, unpardonably, in the Congress regime!

Shri Bharat Bhushan had been MD in the same Corporation fifteen years prior to me and still had live contacts in the organization who met and briefed him regularly about the current affairs. To my relief the Secretary told the minister very politely, “Sir, according to my feedback the MD is not biased at all and is implementing all decisions only in favour of the organization. I can confidently say that he is very fair.”

Without missing a beat, the minister looked at my face with a deadpan expression and retorted, “Yes. He has a fair complexion!” Neither the Secretary nor I could make out whether the minister was being humorous or sarcastic. I was so stumped by his googly that unlike Sir Humphrey I could not even say, “Yes Minister.”

Epilogue:

Shri Bharat Bhushan retired as Chief Secretary of Kerala during my central deputation.

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tumanina · 11 months

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Jin Shin Jyutsu - The beginning

Sunday 28 May 2023, 8 Dhu Al Qi’da 1444 A start of my Jin Shin Jyutsu journey through the intro session by Laila Moustafa.

A practice that relies on no tools, that is possible to apply on oneself, and that is no other than basic, no stretching of the imagination and none of what is required in Bagua for instance: to train to perform what may not be innate or natural and even if so, that requires a moving out of a position to taking another position, in a space no matter how small. Here we’re saying basic: hold your finger, make sure that both hands are at an end of a loop to close the circuit, everything is reachable, no bending over, your knee, your toe, your finger, your spatula, your neck, your chest. Reachable, sitting, lying down, standing, and at times needing to fold to reach, but nothing too demanding, and if it is demanding, skip, move to the next point, or next sequence, there are alternatives.

I am leaning towards this practice, I have not yet seen its full extent, I’ve only witnessed that something moves in me at times, not always, that I know I’ve witnessed but that I would not try to convince another person of. Will it be the route to heal physical pain? perhaps. Perhaps it’s not what I am after though I hope at some point I will have enough faith in Allah to know that yes a tool that I seek can be a path to full recovery from physical healing and that that is accompanied undoubtedly with the will and of Allah the All Willing, the Kind the Merciful, the Healer.

Why Jin Shin Jyutsu, because it is simple. Because it speaks about the greatness of this creation that God has created, a body that is ‘clever‘. It also is a path to humility, something our day and age needs a lot reverting back to: you human are not the healer, you are the bottlenecker, or the tool, you yourself are not the healer.

I write this on Wednesday 12 July, at Apricot cafe, serenely, less than two months since the introduction, and after having taken the first coupled sessions by Laila Moustafa, Wednesday 7 June, and Sunday 11 June 2023. I practice, basics, and sometimes in ways less than perfect as to the placement of my palm on a point, one of the 52 (26 on each side of the body). Still, I have experienced sensations. I won’t say change, simply sensations.

Right palm on my عصعص Left palm on my عانة and the sensations were such: the first time I felt heaviness piling up in my legs especially around the بطة like something was trying to circulate but was not. I was seated then, on a couch, legs downward. The second time or one of the times, I was lying on my left side, a while into it, my right leg nudged, like a leg may in deep sleep and wakes one up. A third time too I was on my right and I felt things that I am not trained yet to have caught in words.

The other part is an emotion, Jin Shin Jyutsu speaks of Worry, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and تصنع, I feel an awareness that I did not have till, an awareness about fear, how deeply rooted fear is in me, and I thirst to hold the fear finger, the مشير / إبهام. Once I held it and hoped noone interrupt that stretch, I felt like I was recovering a severe depletion, nourishing beyond hunger, it calmed a while into it, perhaps more than the 20 minutes recommended.

So I now seed an intention, a direction, to become a student of this knowledge called the Art of Jin Shin Jyutsu, a dedication to it to apply it, to pass it on, to learn it, to teach it, but mostly to utilize it.

It speaks to my sniffing my way to what is the baseline, here in recovery. This goes beyond everything I have learnt and applied, and experienced. This allows the body, it does not guide the body, it simply holds two children’s hands and tells them now do what you will, and trusting that they will know the path to reconciliation.

Severing. It is not where we want to be with our being and bodies. And forceful healing is not healing at all. Let it do its work بإذن الله.

Dubai, 12 July 2023, 21 Dhul Hijja 1444. I end the hijri year with and intention, to absorb this knowledge, apply it, and pass it on, and may الله Allah keep me steady on this path if at all it holds the benefit I intend and beyond what I can foresee.

الحمد لله

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