#i was her age 3 months ago and I've NEVER been as stupid and ignorant and selfish as she is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tomatopers · 3 months

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❝ I'm. . . late?! ❞

in honor of me also forgetting vday :,) here is my first post for this acc !! I also need to remember to make an intro post n stuff, and hopefully i'll make some friends on here eventually </3 i see ppl interacting with their anons/followers and it's sooo cute when will that be me !!!!

They forgot Valentine's Day... surely the nineteenth is just as special? Diluc, Zhongli x GN!Reader (separate)

Diluc watched you silently from a window, the sunny scene outside feeling worlds away from his own dim office. You were sitting on the stone wall surrounding the Dawn Winery, pretending to read one of his boring novels while pointedly ignoring him. He was very often unaware of his stumbles, this being his first relationship, but wouldn't he would catch on soon enough?

Sure it was immature to still act huffy at this age, but Valentine's day was 5 days ago! Not one! FIVE! You had to witness Lisa flirting with the Acting Grand Master for hours, which wasn't uncommon in the slightest, but the librarian seemed to make use of all her cheesy lines on the holiday.

The stone was frigid beneath your bare legs, and you were reminded that the sun hadn't yet begun to do its job this early in the month as your legs grew numb. Perhaps on this fifth day of snubbing your lover, you'd spend the night at a bar- maybe even in Venti's company, or Kaeya's. That last ditch effort to get him to notice your huffy behavior never failed.

The worst part of this whole affair was that you couldn't even be disappointed or properly upset in peace. How could you, when this was clearly not an intentional mishap? Diluc worked diligently, and was far more dependable than most; Though, this trait of his only served to deepen your guilt. Perhaps you should apologize for this childish behavior... Maybe talk it out like proper adults...

6 o'clock found you on a barstool at Angels' share, a little early for drinking but the glass in your hand was clearly not your first. Kaeya sat to your right, an arm resting on the counter as he lent an ear to your woes. Venti stood to your left, strumming his lyre quietly and pitching in jests during the quieter moments.

The door opened at 7 on the dot, and you turned around despite knowing who stood behind you. The backlighting of the evening sun made his hair glow like fire, exaggerating the irritation on Diluc's face to resemble anger. You stood up, slightly tipsy but no less aware, and grasped Kaeya's shoulder to steady yourself before walking forward.

"Good evening, Master Diluc. What brings you here so early?" He seemed to glare at you before casting a glance at Charles. The bartender visibly jumped, quickly bowing a greeting before averting his eyes as Diluc grabbed your wrist and tugged you out of the bar. His grip, though firm, wasn't the slightest bit painful- even now, in whatever bitter mood he was in, Diluc always treated you with the utmost care.

You felt even more guilty for acting the way you did.

He released his hold on you in a more private space, tucked behind a couple trees, and waited. Just as you knew he would seek you out immediately after work, he knew you'd soon crumble under his stare and explain what you wanted. Those red eyes, sometimes blazing with anger or warm with love, were now passive and unreadable.

"Well?"

You felt heat behind your eyes, feeling the tears before they could escape down your cheeks. How stupid. It was hard to form a sentence between sniffles, so you stood and cried as he enveloped you in a hug. Maybe you had more than a few drinks back at the bar...

When your tears were all but spent, you gripped his hand in embarrassment, unable to meet his gaze. "...I'm sorry."

"What for?"

You sighed, "I've been such a child about this, it honestly wasn't even that important yet I-"

"If it bothered you, then it's important. To me."

There it was again, the ever chivalrous Diluc and his overflowing compassion when it came to you. Despite the temptation to lie and play it off, you sheepishly admitted, "It's just that, uh- a few days ago, it was Valentine's day... and we didn't really um- celebrate together... But! It's okay! You do so much already and I honestly don't need to do anything for some silly holiday when we can do stuff like that any day and.."

Looking up, you trailed off into a confused silence. Diluc's face was red, and he was the one now avoiding your eyes. "I'm- My apologies. I admit, it did slip my mind, but that is no excuse. It's more than a silly holiday, and as such, I would be honored if you would allow me an attempt to make it up to you." You burst out laughing, and he looked relieved. You really had no reason to be upset, not with this cute of a lover.

"I would allow you all the attempts possible, Mr. Ragnvindr. All the attempts and more." He smiled and took your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as you followed him out of the alley. "Shall we visit that famous traveling chef then, darling? I heard he's in town. Or the Good Hunter, for something casual? Or perhaps we could buy you one of those gorgeous necklaces they have at the-"

You pulled him in by his collar, feeling him stiffen at the kiss before relaxing. "Diluc, sweetheart, I was thinking something closer to home? I can make dinner, and," you gestured at the setting sun, "the night is still young, I'm sure we can have some... fun, in that great big house of yours."

He turned an even brighter red, trying to cover his blush with the hand you weren't holding. "...That would be perfect."

It was rarer for Zhongli to go a day without speaking to you than it was for him to remember his wallet. That's why it was evident to even those around you that there was something amiss. You worked at a teahouse, and that just happened to be where Zhongli's favorite tea was sold. When you weren't working, you'd help out at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, or stroll with him along the boardwalk. Plenty of time together, to say the least.

When the regulars witnessed you not serving the consultant's tea, as you always did, it immediately became a source of chatter- Some of the older women were having quite a laugh about young lovers' quarrels, though your relationship with Zhongli was far past the "young love" stage. As you walked from table to table, it was hard to ignore his stare practically burning holes through you.

The first whole hour of his visit must've passed this way; your every movement under the scrutiny of the ex-archon, your coworkers, and half the guests in the teahouse. Your work wasn't any different than usual, no. In fact, you might even be more productive now that you weren't stopping to chat with Zhongli whenever your hands were free. The owner of the place would never admit it, but he too was curious of the predicament under his roof.

Your scheduled break was minutes away, the one you would typically spend at Zhongli's table, but you clearly didn't intend to do so today. For a being such as him, it was inevitable that certain things would slip his mind, but Valentine's Day? You had planned out the entire day as a surprise, the holiday had even fallen on one of Zhongli's leisure days, but he called in the morning to tell you he'd be assisting the Traveler and would not come by. It wasn't even a brief task! He was gone for five days!

It wasn't like you hadn't told him anything, either. "Oh illustrious Rex Lapis, God among men, I beseech your presence in my humble abode on the final day of this week." He had chuckled at your attempt of mimicking the speech of those who cowered before him in his days of glory, taking your hand with a smile and a kiss. It was going to be perfect! But the plans were discarded, and the cake you made still sat untouched in the fridge...

Xingqiu walked in with his usual cheerful wave, heading to the back corner where he'd spend a couple hours reading; As though he noticed your restlessness, he smiled and offered you a seat to join him, "I'll take you up on your offer to regale me with the stories from your trip overseas, if I may?" You smiled back, "Of course! I'll bring the tea and join you."

You spent your break with the young man, and the following remainder of the shift passed with ease. At some point, Zhongli had disappeared- had he gotten upset? Most likely not, such a small matter was far from enough to garner his irritation. It was more likely that work had called for his presence. Maybe he'd notice shop owners taking down their holiday wares on his walk and remember his oversight.

You hung up your apron, bidding the staff goodnight before descending the stairs to head home. Someone was standing at the entrance to a darker alley, one tucked away from the streetlights and the watchful eyes of the Millelith. Quickening your pace, you were about to pass by when a voice, his voice, stopped you in your tracks.

"My dear, won't you tell me what has drawn your ire?" Zhongli stepped forward, his confused expression revealing his failure to decipher the issue alone. "I am unaware of any shortcoming, but I assure you it was far from intentional-"

"..."

He walked closer, "Pardon?" You looked up at him, hoping you didn't look pathetically sad. "It was Valentine's Day, the day you left for that trip with the Traveler. That's why I had invited you over." His face fell, his immediate regret making it nigh impossible to retain your frustration. "I will not make any excuses, beloved, it was entirely my fault that we could not celebrate such a wonderful day together-"

"It was, yes."

"-and I believe I grasp the value of celebrating love with a romantic partner, so while it won't compare, please join me for dinner tomorrow, where I can properly demonstrate my affections. I recall you liking when I cook, and surely such a thing is enjoyable together."

You pretended to consider the matter, before laughing and accepting his outstretched hand. "I would love to join you, and I hope I may occupy your time through the night as well." You saw his gaze sharpen for a moment before he swept you off your feet and into his arms.

"If I didn't know any better, my love, I'd think you were trying to tempt me."

"Whatever gave you that idea, darling?"

Without setting you down, he pressed a kiss to your forehead. "I believe you wouldn't protest to spending tonight together, as well?" You could feel the laughter rumbling through his chest, could see the smile splitting his face even with your face hidden behind your hands from the embarrassment. "My most adorable lover, I shall never again miss an opportunity to exhibit the extent of my affection for you."

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georgeclarkesgf · 13 days

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forgetful | george clarke

the minute george stepped into the flat, he knew something was off.

"y/n? you here?" walking further into the flat, he found y/n in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea, "hey, sorry i'm back so late. we missed t-"

"don't. i can't believe you. all i asked was that you not plan to film today and i wake up to a message telling me you've gone to film a video for arthur. do you even know why i asked you to stay home today?"

he was trying to remember, really he was. but his mind was blank and the guilt began to seep in, only just noticing the tears that left stains on her cheeks.

"no. of course you don't. my parents are in town george. i planned a nice lunch, maybe go on a walk, come back to the flat for a few drinks, but all that went to shit because you left to film a stupid video and then ignored my messages all day. you know how important it is to me that you get along with my parents so having to cancel on them last minute because you weren't even here was not something i wanted to have to do." the tears in her eyes were threatening to fall again, hating how needy and pathetic she sounded.

"we can sti-" george tried, again quickly being shut down.

"no george, i'm mad at you. you don't get to say it'll be alright and that we can still do something. we're not playing happy families. you've hurt me. when we sort this out, then we organise something else."

now the guilt was in full swing and he immediately started to think of ways he could make it up to her, knowing it would take a lot of grovelling to get back onto her good side.

"i'm going to bed, i love you." a soft kiss being placed on his lips.

"i love you too." slight relief evident on his face, knowing she'll never not say 'i love you', even during an argument.

she rounded the kitchen island, starting to make her way to his room and get ready for bed. george watched as she closed the door, still stood in the kitchen, contemplating whether to follow her or give her some space.

he decided on the latter.

--------

it was nearing midnight when george decided he needed some sleep, and the dip in the bed as he got comfortable was enough to wake y/n, a groan leaving her lips.

"sorry. i didn't mean to wake you," she let out an agitated hum of acknowledgement and rolled over, curling into george's side, unable to resist the heat his body always provided, "still mad at me?"

"yep." she responded, accentuating the 'p'.

"okay. can we talk about it?"

"i've said my peace. you go."

"i really am sorry sweetheart, i feel awful," her nails were running along the lines and dips of his stomach, a habit he'd grown accustomed to over the several months they'd been together, "the video was planned ages ago and i didn't even realise the dates clashed. when you reminded me of 'that thing' that was happening today i thought you meant filming. i promise to make it up to you. and your parents. please say they don't hate me."

george hoped it was enough, not that he wouldn't do anything she asked to get her to forgive him, but he couldn't stand the thought of her staying mad at him.

in y/n's head, he was forgiven. during her time alone, she realised she didn't even give him a chance to explain before locking herself in his room for the rest of the night.

"i'm sorry too," george was slightly taken aback by this, unsure what she was apologising for, "i shouldn't have stormed off like that. not even letting you speak before i disappeared all night. and my parents don't hate you. we can do dinner tomorrow if that's okay with you?"

"that's more than okay. i have my whole day free to spend with you and them. we can do whatever you guys want. i love you."

"i love you. so much. even if you are forgetful."

and george stuck to his promise. safe to say y/n's parents like george more than her.

a/n have this as an 'i'm sorry i haven't posted in a while present' <3

#george clarke #george clarkey #arthurtv #chaoscrew #sidemen #arthur hill #tiktok #george clarkey x reader #george clarke x reader #blurbs #george clarkey imagines #george clarke imagines #blurb #youtube #youtuber imagine #youtuber x reader #youtuber imagines #george clarkey imagine #george clarke imagine

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cupidstwin333 · 2 years

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Hi hellooo! I hope you're doing well ♡♡ If it's okay, I'd like to request a romantic matchup for My Hero Academia ❤❤

Physical appearance: Long wavy red hair. Brown eyes. Average height. Pale skin. I also wear glasses.

Zodiac sign: Aquarius

Mbti: INFP

Sexuality: I'm not sure about this. However! I notice usually I'm attracted to males >///<

Age: 20

Pronouns: she/her

Personality: hmm, well, I'm a quiet person. But! I can be chatty when I feel comfortable with someone (´｡• ω •｡`) I'm a dreamer; I tend to romanticize my feelings and my experience ( ◡‿◡ ♡) I'm also an emotional person, and I can be veryyy sensitive. However, I've learnt to ignore my negative emotions! So, yeahh!

Likes: I love books, especially fictions! And mm I also love sweets, cloudy day, cats (!!), and pink!

Dislikes: I don't like loud noises, mean people, and bugs (╥﹏╥)

Hobbies: reading! I also loveeee watching animation movies! (≧◡≦) (

Passions: aaah well i love acting (in theatre) and writing!

I think that's all?? I hope it's not too long! Thank you so much. I hope you have a nice day! ❤❤

After a long time of thinking 💭 your match is...

Mirio Togata

Background:

You just transferred from Shiketsu high to U.A. You entered your classroom and all eyes were on you, god! You hated this feeling. You told yourself not to do anything embarrassing.... just be mysterious! So you could later romanticize this experience and daydream about all of your secret admirers. (cus honestly same girl!) You look up at your fellow classmates with a little more confidence than a few seconds ago. (You’re an actress after all). You take a deep breath as you get ready to introduce yourself, but before you could muster a word someone stole your spotlight. “Hey teach, you never told us we would be getting a new student!” A good-looking blonde guy spoke up. He ruined your moment! you thought to yourself, you took another deep breath since you noticed how all of your classmates were paying close attention to you now "I am y/n, and I transferred from Shiketsu High." you said in a steady voice. "I hope you'll welcome me with open arms, and I hope we'll get along." After that, the teacher told you to sit behind a guy named Mirio, and the blonde guy that interrupted you jumps up and says "I am Mirio Togata! I hope we can be close friends, and if you ever need someone I'm your guy." You just nod and take your seat behind Mirio. After a few days, you fell behind on multiple classes, due to you procrastinating and watching your favorite animation movies. It was before classes started, and you were focused on your physics homework. How where you supposed to calculate the force of gravity, and besides why do we need physics there are quirks out there that defy the laws of physics. "9,807 m/s²." Mirio says while sitting down in front of you and turning towards you "Pardon?!" you replied confused. "That's the answer, to the equation you're solving," Mirio says with a big smile. "I've noticed that you aren't paying attention during classes, maybe I could help you out by tutoring you. I am a very good teacher after all .” 😁 You accepted his offer since you had no self-control. You were always reading your favorite books or watching your favorite animated movies, daydreaming, acting (or daydreaming about acting), and writing. You expected it to be like High school musical, just you living your dream life and you were so wrong because you had to risk your life on a daily basis and make a lot of stupid unnecessary homework on top of that!

How it started:

Mirio has been tutoring you for 3 months now and your grades got better you weren't failing any classes and were even on top of them all. You have opened up quite a lot to him and genuinely see him as a close friend or maybe more... You and Mirio were sitting in the living room of your dorms. He explained something to you but you couldn't understand. It was as if he was speaking in another language. You tried focusing on the paper but to no avail. You looked at Mirio and he turned to you and suddenly put his thumb in between your eyebrows. “Why are you frowning like that? If you can’t follow just tell me.” He lets out a laugh his thumb still massaging the wrinkles on your face. You stared into his blue eyes. Suddenly you realized how close he was. At that moment you didn’t know how to react as a blush was creeping up your cheeks. "No, I totally get it. This is super easy." you said bluffing "Ok, how about we make a deal then. If you fail the upcoming test you have to clean up my dorm." He says with a playful grin. "And...what if I pass?" you asked curiously. "Well, you can decide in that case," he says shrugging. "Well, how about we go on an official date." you look at him and see a mixture of shock and amusement. He reaches his hand out and you shake it. You knew you had to study for this test as if your life depended on it, you needed to win this date.. (ps: you obviously slayed 💅 and got the highest mark)

General headcanons:

💘He would collect cute pink things (such as ribbons, jewelry, pebbles, etc) and gift them to you.

💘He always leaves you sweets on the corner of your desk.

💘tries not to be as loud around you, since he knows you'll get startled.

💘One of your favorite dates is to go to a cat cafe since he knows you love cats so much (he might even gift one to you on your birthday)

💘You two go cloud-watching on cloudy days and take walks in nature.

Other possible matches:Twice and Hawks.

I would appreciate it if you'd reblog this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it <3

#mha headcanons #mha matchups #mha mirio #matchups #mirio fluff #mirio x reader #romance story #romantic #bnha matchups #bnha x reader #bnha mirio

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angellesword · 3 years

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MAGIC SHOP | JJK (02)

Description: You and Jungkook were best friends who were in love with each other. What would happen when Soojin, your half sister who you’re trying to impress, told you she’s in love with Jungkook too?

Alternatively,

“Would you believe me if I said that I was scared of everything too?”

Genre: childhood best friends to lovers, family drama, angst, fluff, slow burn, pining, slice of life au.

Pairing: Architect!Jungkook x Architect!Reader

Word Count: 3k

Warnings/Note: child abuse (physical and psychological/emotional violence) , psychological manipulation, infidelity.

SERIES: CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 3

Your relationship with your father used to be a secret.

You were an illegitimate child and your mother was a mistress. Taemin obviously didn’t want the world to know about his dirty secret.

So he hid you.

He hid you from his wife and your siblings.

"Mom, is dad coming?" Seven year-old you asked. This was the question you uttered once a year.

Your father was never late with any of his appointments with you. He would always show up on time, sometimes earlier. But there's always that one day of the year wherein he was either hours late or he wouldn't come at all.

That day was your birthday.

You were four years old when your mother made you understand that Taemin couldn't stay at your house since he was busy with work. You didn't question this even though you wanted to know why.

Why couldn't he stay for more than an hour a day? Why didn't he kiss your mother or tell her he loved her just like what you saw husbands did in children's books and movies?

"He's not coming because he doesn't love us. He doesn't love you." Your mother was glaring at you as if it was your fault your father couldn't come to your own birthday party.

Everything was prepared according to his liking, even the food she cooked were his favorites. It was your natal day but it looked like your mother wanted to please somebody else.

It was never about you.

"That's not true! Dad said he loves me the most! I'm his princess—"

"Enough!" She slapped you right across the face, your cheek instantly turning red.

Your eyes brimmed with tears. You also didn't understand why your mother always acted so hostile. What did you do to make her hate you this much?

You followed everything she said. You didn't like sketching but your mother forced you to do it. She kept saying that you needed to be good at it so you could beat Sin-ae's daughter.

You didn't know it that time but your mom was actually referring to Soojin. The latter was a prodigy when it came to drawing. Your mother wanted you to surpass Soojin's talent since it was the only way to become the best architect.

She was wrong though. Being able to draw beautifully wasn't the key to succeeding in the mention field. It was only a bonus.

"You have to be the best if you want your father to stay with us. Do you understand, huh? Be a good girl so your father wouldn't have to look at Sin-ae's daughter." She caressed your cheek after slapping you.

"You can do it, baby girl. You are my leverage."

You were. Your father couldn't leave his obsessive mistress because of you. Your father loved you and didn't want to abandon you, but most importantly, he didn't want Sin-ae to know that you existed.

Your mother threatened Taemin that she would expose his infidelity if he tried to abscond from his responsibilities to you.

Taemin was a powerful person, unfortunately he couldn't control your mother. She was richer and stronger than him.

Your mother's only weakness was the love she claimed she felt for your father.

At this point, you didn't know if it was love. Did she really love your father or was she just lonely?

Was your mother scared to be alone? Just like you?

"I'm not going to leave you." You remembered seven year-old Jungkook's promise to you.

You were six when you first met little Jeon. He was the son of Jong-in, another influential architect.

Taemin and Jong-in were best friends. The latter was the only person who knew about your father's secret.

Jong-in knew you. He knew your mother as well. You lived in a small world after all. Jong-in and Taemin built Castle Architectural firm. Your mother was one of their investors.

She saw the potential of Architect Kim and Jeon, but it didn't end with that.

Your mother didn't just see Kim Taemin's potential. She also saw a future with him. She acted based on desire, ignoring the fact that Taemin was already a married man with three children.

Taemin didn't seem to mind the advances of your mother. In fact, he seemed to like it. Because if he didn't, then why were you existing?

Why did he fuck a baby into her?

He wanted this to happen as much as your mother did.

And now, they weren't the only one paying for the price.

You were paying too.

You were suffering because of them. You suffered abuse from your mother and at a very young age, you came to realize that people, no matter how many times they assured you they loved you, would still end up hurting you and breaking the promise they made.

"You are!" This was your response to Jungkook when he said that he wasn't going to leave you.

You two were seven years olds. What did you know about promises and keeping them? You drilled it in your head that Jungkook was just like your father. He would end up breaking his promise.

He was going to leave you too.

"You're a liar, just like my dad!" Tears cascaded down your cheeks.

You were very upset. Your father promised to take you to an amusement park, a simple way to make it up to you for not being able to attend your birthday party. Again.

The promise was made yesterday. Taemin told you to wear your favorite onesie because you were going to Lotte World with him and Jungkook.

Taemin was true to his words. You were at Lotte World with Jungkook, wearing your favorite onesie. However, the adult accompanying you was not your father.

Taemin said he had to work so he sent a nanny to look after you and your best friend.

You found it stupid and annoying. You wanted to spend time with your father. You missed him so much. He hadn't been home for weeks now.

"He keeps saying things he doesn't mean!" You sobbed, continuing your rant.

Jungkook was only staring at you using those innocent eyes. He felt bad. His little heart was shattering.

"I hate him! He doesn't love me!" You were slowly believing what your mother told you.

Were you hard to love because you weren't good enough?

"He doesn't love me." You said again and again. "I'm not a good girl. He doesn't love me—"

Jungkook pulled you into an embrace, cutting your absurd thought.

"That's not true. I love you.." His voice sounded genuine.

You sobbed once more, breaking the hug.

"Really?" The thing about kids was that they were easy to reassure. Buy them an ice cream and voila! They’re okay again.

Jungkook didn't give you an ice cream but you believed him. You guessed you love him too, and also because the stars in his eyes were enough to make you believe that he would never ever leave you.

Nineteen years later, Jungkook was still keeping his promise.

He stayed with you through thick and thin.

"We are baking cake today, Tiger." Jungkook announced.

He sometimes called you Tiger, when you asked him why, he simply said 'because I can.'

You stopped questioning his reasons a long time ago; however, you couldn't stop yourself today.

"Bake a cake? Why?" You creased your forehead.

"Because I want to." Was his answer once again, causing you to roll your eyes.

Why did you even ask?

"Do you know how to bake a cake?"

"Nope," he grinned. "But it won't hurt to try. I've read before that baking is a good way to relieve stress..."

Jungkook brought out an apron from the kitchen cabinet and then he went near you, carefully helping you to put on the garment.

He was standing in front you, buckling the D-ring neck that was on the apron. After that, he pulled you closer, your head hitting his chest.

Jungkook encircled his arms around your waist, reaching for the strap behind you as he expertly tied it.

"I can do it, Kook," you slightly pushed him away, chuckling.

He grinned at you.

"I know...but I want to help you."

Of course he did. Jungkook had always been thoughtful and kind. This was why he invited you to his apartment.

You had been staying with him since yesterday. Today was Saturday. You slept here last night. Jungkook didn't mind. He had a spare room and even if he didn't, he wouldn't mind you staying over.

He could always sleep on the floor.

Jungkook was used to sleeping in the same room as you anyway. You used to live in the same house together.

When Jungkook's father died, he officially became an orphan at the age of fifteen. His mother died giving birth to him so no one would look after him now.

All of his relatives were living abroad, this was why Taemin decided to adopt him. Jungkook didn't change his last name. He was still a Jeon. Taemin was simply his legal guardian.

Sin-ae didn't mind that there was an additional member of the family. She could never deny Jungkook since she also treated Jong-in as a dear friend. Besides, the Kims didn't have to worry about the increase of their expenses.

Jungkook was the only heir of Jong-in. The former would inherit his father's share at Castle. Taemin was Jungkook’s fiduciary guardian. He gave Jungkook his share as soon as he reached eighteen.

Jungkook tried to compensate Taemin but the latter didn't accept the money. Instead, he urged Jeonguk to work at Castle as soon as he graduated college.

Your best friend agreed. He could never say no to Taemin. He even stayed at the Kims' mansion despite having the ability to live on his own.

Taemin asked him to stay as per Soojin's request, but two months ago, Jungkook finally moved out of the house because Kim Taehyung, the third born son of Taemin, went back to Seoul after studying and working in New York for years.

"You wanna try baking banana chocolate chip cake? I have all the ingredients here," Jungkook was waiting for you to answer.

You shrugged nonchalantly, helping him prepare.

"Fine by me."

Jungkook asked you to prepare the wet ingredients while he took care of the dry ones.

"You think this is enough?" He was sifting flour.

You coughed.

"Kook! What the hell?" You covered your nose because he was tapping the strainer grimly.

"Oopss..." His lips curled up. "Sorry!"

He wasn't sorry. Not at all. You could tell he was doing this on purpose because instead of stopping, he only used more force while tapping the strainer.

"You ass!" Gritting your teeth, you grabbed a handful of flour from the bowl and started throwing it at Jungkook.

He stopped sifting the flour, eyes widening because of what you did.

"I-It's your fault! You're pissing me off!" You stammered.

You were supposed to be mad at him, but it was you who felt shiver running down your spine when he just stared at you.

Was he mad? Was throwing a handful of flour on his face uncalled for?

"I'm sorry—what the fuck." You hissed when Jungkook also threw flour on your face.

You ended up squinting and coughing because the powder went to your eyes and mouth. It tasted like shit.

"Jeon Jungkook!" You were so annoyed you threw flour at him again.

Jungkook bursted into laughter, clearly having fun.

You two ended up having flour fight—if this was even a thing.

You had to admit that though annoyed, you couldn't help the smile gracing your lips. You liked playing with Jungkook to the point that you didn't want to stop.

You were only forced to end the fight when someone banged on his door.

"Jungkook! Open up!"

Soojin.

You were certain she was on the other side of the door.

"Is that Soojin?" Jungkook furrowed his brow, the smile on his lips was slowly disappearing.

"Yeah. I think so..."

"Huh." He furrowed his brow more. "Did you invite her?"

You shook your head.

Jungkook shrugged. "Okay. I'll ask what she wants. Stay here..."

You nodded, frantically running towards the sink so you could wash your face.

You didn't know why your heart was beating fast or why you felt as if you had done something you shouldn't have.

Maybe you had.

It was the only reasonable explanation why Soojin was glaring at you, her jaw tensed because of annoyance.

"What the hell were you two doing? I've been banging the door for so long! Didn't you hear me!?" This was the first thing Soojin said the moment she took a step in Jungkook's kitchen.

She didn't like that you and Jungkook were staying under the same roof.

"I'm sorry." You bit your lower lip, trailing off.

You didn't know what else to say. You knew your sister. Her question was rhetorical. She would only get madder if you tried to reason out.

When she was pissed, all you had to do was shut up and take the shit she would give you.

"The door is literally a few steps away! I don't understand why you can't hear me!"

Soojin continued to rant as you watched Jungkook enter the kitchen. He instantly stopped your sister's mean remarks because he could feel that it was making you uncomfortable.

"Let it go, Soojin. We apologized, didn't we?"

But Soojin just scoffed. She was about to speak again; however, Jungkook cut her off.

"There's an apron in the cabinet. Wear it if you want to join us..."

You were surprised when Soojin didn't protest. Rolling her eyes, she stomped towards the hanging cabinet to get an apron.

"What are we making?" Soojin crossed her arms.

"Banana chocolate chip cake." You simply said.

Soojin nodded, refusing to look at you.

"I'll mash the bananas." When she said this, you were expecting her to peel the bananas and use a fork to mash them.

Soojin didn't do any of this. Instead, she threw the bananas in the trash bin.

"What? The bananas are overripe." She reasoned out when you and Jungkook groaned.

"It doesn't matter. We can still use—"

"I said I don't want overripe bananas!” It was her turn to cut what Jungkook was saying.

"There's a grocery store across the street. Go buy some bananas, Jungkook."

It was hard to fight Soojin. She would just continue insisting what she wanted until you relented.

Jungkook didn't have a choice but to follow your sister, leaving you in the kitchen with Soojin.

You were thinking how to break the ice when your sister suddenly spoke.

"You didn't go home last night..."

You stopped weighing the butter, your heart skipping a beat.

"Yeah. I stayed the night here..."

Soojin clenched her jaw and you wondered if you should have lied instead. It looked like she didn't like your answer.

"You know, dad asked where you are and I told him you were in your room, working..."

Silence.

"I told him not to disturb you. You're obviously still moping because of what happened yesterday..."

You didn't know what to say. You knew you should be thanking her. Your father was strict. Jungkook was a friend, yes, but Taemin would go feral knowing that you were out here, doing God knows what with a boy when you should be in your own room, working and fixing your mistakes.

"I covered for you because I care about your feelings." She scoffed once again. "But it turns out you don't care about what I feel, huh?"

"Soojin..." You called. "What are you talking about?"

Why was she getting mad at you? You covered for her countless times! Meanwhile she only did the same for you once.

"I'm saying I like Jungkook, sister." She confessed, emphasizing the word 'sister.'

Your heart sank, face growing pale.

"Y-You like...Jungkook?" Saying this felt like a stab in your chest.

"I've been in love with him since we were sixteen. I tried telling him how I feel but I can't do it because of you." The way she said this made you feel like it was your fault.

"Me?" You blinked, shocked.

"Yes. You..." She inhaled deeply, like she was trying hard to stop herself from lashing out on you.

"You were always with him. I can't find the perfect opportunity to tell him the truth because I feel like you're preventing me!"

"Soojin..." You tried to reach for her hand but she swatted it away.

She was upset.

"I'm sorry..." You apologized. You honestly had no idea why you're saying sorry.

You guessed you felt bad.

She was right. You were always with Jungkook, always monopolizing his time that you didn't realize that you were hurting Soojin—preventing her happiness.

"I don't need your sorry. I need you to stay away from Jungkook for a while. Can you do that, huh? Will you let your sister confess first?" Just a few breaths ago, she was swatting your hand away, but now, she was taking it, gently stroking the back of your hand.

"Please? I'm not saying that you should stop being friends with him. I get it. You met him first. You were friends before I came into his life....but please, please give us time and space. I really, really like Jungkook..."

Soojin was looking at you as though she would die if you didn't say yes.

So yes.

You said "Yes. I won’t stop you from telling him how you feel..." just to make her happy.

Soojin's happiness mattered to you.

You could live without Jungkook for a while.

She couldn't. She had waited long enough.

It was her time to be with him.

You were allowing this.

You were allowing her to be happy with your best friend.

"Yay!" Soojin embraced you. "Thank you, sister!"

You smiled and hugged her back, reminding yourself that you made the right choice.

After all, it should always be family first, right?

#ficswithluv #bts jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook best friends to lovers #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook x oc #jungkook x y/n #jungkook roommate au #armywriterssupport

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gmtmg41 · 3 years

Text

Alright. I need to get this all out of my head. My anxiety and adhd are running my brain today. And it's been ages since I let it get this bad. Ages and ages.

So, I've been talking with the one person who I think I knows me better than pretty much anyone. Which has made me so happy- I've missed him so much. And I didn't realize how bad it was until I stopped to think about how kind of low-key sad I've been until we started talking. And today we talked about heavy topics.

Some of that was the fact that I sent his 2ife an apology text about a month ago now and she still hasn't answered. And I just wa tes to know if there was even a chance of her ever forgiving me. And I know my husband says that the blame is to be shared and I won't deny it. But I never reached out even though they did. They both tried to reach me. And I just never reached back to them. And I regret that so much. They both mean so much to me but I never let them know what was going on because I was angry and upset. And ashamed. I was so fucking ashamed.

When we first moved to Mass I was so incredibly lonely. And depressed. And maybe a few other words that I've never really said out loud. I shouldn't have been left alone my depression was that bad. And the only thing that got me through the first few months was that I knew travis and tavia would be coming up to see me. It wasn't just for me but I did not care one bit. I was going to see my best friend in the entire world. And it kept me getting up everyday. It made me keep going.

And then I was up here and we were broke. Like eating ramen every meal kind of broke. It was terrible. I hated it. Matt was always at work. And the apartment was terrible. And the dogs were miserable and I was too. And I hated it.

But it was going to be fine. Travis and Tavia were I thought coming out to Worcester to see me. And then they weren't. And they wanted me to come to Boston. And I couldn't. We didn't have the money to make it out there. Not even for just me. And I remember how fucked up it all felt to me. .y best friend was like a hour away for the first time in months and I couldn't even get to see him. And I screamed and broke down. But I never told him that. I didn't let him hear me trying not to cry on the phone. I was a big girl and I didn't need him to come rescuing me. Even though I did. I would do anything to go back and to tell him and tqvia both that I was depressed and I needed them. I needed that piece of home- I needed the people who knew me and would have been able to see the signs of me doing stupid shit that was hurting me.

I think I tried explaining that I couldn't go out there. It's hard to remember all of it. The depression makes remembering it all a bit of a blur. But I didn't get to see them. And I remember breaking down. And this wasn't like. Oh let's have a good cry and be better. No this was a screaming and doing stupid shit kind of break down

This was me hurting myself like I hadn't done since high school kind of break down. I don't think I've ever told anyone that, definitely haven't written it down.

And then I let them disappear. Fuck. I stopped thinking about them because whenever I did I cried for ages and I just couldn't do that all the time. I drank myself into oblivion and threw myself into my new job at BN. Because if I was working or drunk I couldn't be sad. And I made new friends. One who reminded me so much of travis that on more than one occasion I caught myself almost calling him travis.

By the time that I finally realized what I'd done- and how I had lost 2 of the most important people in my life- it was too late. It wasn't. I didn't know that then though. I didn't k ow that if I had only answered one of the dozen texts or messages I could have fixed it. So I sat and was ashamed, and sad, amd a dozen other emotions that I never really processed. And I was angry but I couldn't tell you how to make it stop.

And so I wasted years. I wasted them and ignored messages about how travis missed me. And I never just once reached and said I missed him too. Even though I did. And everytime he posted something about a big life event or not big I broke a little more. And I just kept letting myself break over and over and over and over and over and over and over. For years.

But in April I decided to finally answer him. I'd say I don't know why I finally answered bit 100 percent it was the fact that I had gone to therapy at that point. And my therapist did not put up with the self pity or the ignoring important people in my life. And she made me talk about how i felt like I fucked up eht was probably one of my favorite and most important relationships I'd made. I mean this was the guy that I called at like 3 am to tell that I'd gotten engaged. This wad the guy that when something was great I wanted to tell. And that I wanted to complain yo about boys with when they challenged my nerd card. That when the newest nerd movie from star wars(which he knew the order of my favorites and I knew his), Marvel, DC whatever we had to talk about it. We had to examine every angle. He was the guy that I watched Packers football with- the only person I k ew that didn't say I had bad juju. He was there with me when we had that Cardinals game that I'll never forget.. And I threw it all awY because I was fucking terrible. And I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

I'm not sure what else I want to say in this. I just knew that I needed to get it all out of my head. Because if I didn't I was going to let it all fester which was what I was doing. Like. I had already broken down two times today. Partially because I re-read some of the essays that I ignored where he pours his heart to me saying that he missed me. And I know that I missed him then because I still.miss him. It'll never be what it was I've madd sure of that because well I was terrible and shitty and you can't go back in time.

I don't know. Maybe this will help me in the long run. Maybe I'll be able to be better. Maybe it'll help me fix this. Maybe. I don't know.

#SoundCloud

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blackrosesfanfic · 3 years

Text

Chapter 238

Alex

I stop walking suddenly when a car rolls pass me creeping. They were looking hard as fuck. I shouldn't have walked so far away from the house in this white ass private neighborhood. They might call the cops on me.

"Alex?"

I turn around. April was like two normal houses down from me. With these big houses she was half of a house away. I walk towards her hugging myself. What lady? Like. I don't even know right now. I just don't feel like talking my business to another stranger.

"You didn't have to come after me." I say.

"I can tell that you and Cammie are related. Maybe even raised by the same grandma."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah maybe."

She chuckles. "Yeah. So you all defensive cause you don't want to talk about it. No problem. I just didn't feel like you really wanted to be alone."

"I don't but I am."

"You can't go through life like you the only one with your current problem. I don't even know what it is but it's not worth all of this dramatic shit."

I chuckle. "You so blunt."

"Baby, I'm real."

"If you say so." I sigh. "Everybody always so wrapped up in themselves and so quick to judge. Bitches act like they innocent and all fucking their first. They don't fucking get it."

"Hmm?" April says. "Don't we all point the finger at everybody else?"

I sigh. "I'm being so weak."

"For having feelings?"

"For letting people get to me." I say remembering what Jamaal said. "Okay, April, you tell me what to do. Since you all in my business. I fucked one too many people in the last... well."

April makes a face. "Well?"

"Maybe I didn't have sex with nobody recently. But..." I exhale. "I wanted to be... I'm all screwed up."

"Chil..." April says shaking her head. "You pregnant? Cause if not you need to get some help. What are you talking about?"

I drop my shoulders. "I just got to face it."

"You minus well, Baby." April says rubbing my back. "You don't know who the father is?"

"I know."

April makes me start walking. "You don't want him to be the father?"

"I don't want a baby." I say wanting to cry.

"Whatever. If you didn't want it you would get rid of it. If you not getting rid of it you want it. Somewhere you want this baby. Some bone in your body is happy. Is it not the person you want it to be? Is it not... what his name? Jamaal?"

I sigh. "It's Jamaal. He has been blocking every attempt by any man that tries to talk to me lately. I just don't know."

"You are a lot like Cammie." April chuckles.

"Our father's were twins." I sigh.

"You and Cammie's fathers were twins? I never knew that."

I blow. "We were close growing up then her father died and she changed. Thought I was always trying to act like I was better than her. I lost my father for a long time when she lost her father. He started drinking and shit. It wasn't a fucking walk in the park. I don't want to be a parent on drugs or alcohol like my parents. I'm scared to be a parent. Both of my parents failed."

April cuts her eyes at me. "Failed? Are you not a successful black educated woman? You have a hella lot more than I did at your age. Didn't fucking stop me from being a mother. Hell my son takes care of me. I'm not a fucking failure so you sure won't be. You in a position where you can be there for your child way more than I ever was. I wouldn't change nothing about my boys. Their fathers or nothing. Cause they are more than I could ask for."

"So... I am the shit." I sigh.

"Alex?" She starts laughing shaking her head. "If that helps you calm your ass down. Tell yourself that."

I cross my arms. "Shit."

"Oh look here comes Jamaal. How convenient?"

"Shut up." I say spinning around.

Jamaal was seriously jogging towards us. He stops completely staring at us. He crosses the street. I really don't feel like having this conversation. He takes his headphones out of his ears looking at us strange.

"What's wrong?" He asks coming straight to me.

"What are you talking about? Why does something have to be wrong with me?"

He looks at April. "I don't know much about April but I know you not this far away from the house helping her with her problems. And you would never go for a walk."

April chuckles and walks away. "Done went and found a... there's nothing wrong with me. What are you doing?"

"Me?" Jamaal asks. "Going to meet a friend I know that lives around here."

"Why you lying? Are you good, Alex?" April asks turning like she was going to walk away.

You encouraging me to have this talk with him? Damn April don't be so damn forward with your demands. I exhale and nod my head slowly. She gives me a face as if she was saying go ahead and talk. I never really talked to Cammie about April but something about her reminds me of my grandma. My grandma would say you laid your ass down there and took that dick then you carry that baby then lay your ass down and have that baby. I hate life. I don't want this.

"Dick wore off? You were okay a while ago." Jamaal says rubbing on my waist.

"Was I, Jamaal? Or did we fuck and ignore whatever was wrong with me?"

He frowns thinking hard. "That's what you wanted."

"It was?" I snap pushing his hands off me.

"Tell me what it is then?"

"I'm pregnant."

He laughs. "You so damn coldhearted. What's wrong with you?"

I shrug. "If that ain't it then I don't fucking know. You tell me since you know so well."

"I mean you have been a bitch from birth." He stares at me. "How pregnant are you?"

"Didn't look."

He chuckles nervously. "Let me look. Whatever you talking bout."

I give him my phone after taking the case off. He takes it like he scared. His confidence is just disappearing with every movement of his body. He looks in the case at the folded up ultrasound picture. I didn't want to look at it so I didn't. All this drama with me and Jamaal has put me in a place where I wasn't fucking with anyone. I've been more focused on me and clearly my head of him. Not telling his ass that.

"I thought... Shit." He says staring at the ultrasound. "Damn."

"You not going to ask if it's yours?"

He smirks. "Who else you fucked? 10 weeks? What's that? 2 months. That's all me, Sunshine."

"Great now you can get my inheritance for sure."

"Inheritance?" He chuckles. "I get you forever."

"Me?" I snap.

He so damn arrogant. "Fuck your money. I'm bout to be the baby daddy. Only motherfucker higher is a husband. And you ain't gonna be happy long enough to marry a bitch."

"You think this shit funny." I snap walking away.

"Bae." He says grabbing me. "I'm making a joke because I know how fucked up it is for me to be excited and you feel like shit. But it's a baby. I know about your mama's past. I know the last thing you would do is get rid of it. It's a baby."

I suck my teeth. I wasn't even thinking about my mother. He grabs my waist, which he loves to do. This man loves to touch me regardless of what he touching. I cross my arms staring at him. Say something good or get told off.

"We can have an expensive announcement party that tops that damn Disney party. Maybe an announcement dinner on your yacht."

I chuckle. "My yacht?"

"That your daddy bought? Yeah?"

I walk away without saying anything. Don't know why I was expecting anything different from Mr. Family Man. Never thought about how he would feel about the baby. Hell I was so scared they would say 3 months or more and have me looking stupid trying to figure out who I fucked. Life man.

Amber

"Cammie so stupid sometimes." I snap slamming the phone down on the floor then sitting down on the soft rug.

Chris says something but I don't know what it was. "Amber?"

"What?"

"You find out you pregnant today and you start going off?"

I suck my teeth. "This has nothing to do with being pregnant."

He blows. "Anything I can do?"

"No." I spat.

"Okay. I'll be here if there is."

Trey walks into the room. "We going to head to the house."

Chris stands up. "Well damn."

Trey shrugs. "I don't know. We will probably leave in the morning. It's too late to travel with the boys. Thanks for trying to... I mean thanks for being there, Chris."

"Whatever, man. I don't see how it helped anybody."

"It did." Trey nods walking towards the door. "Shit just heavy. It takes more than a few minutes in paradise to see things change."

"Yeah. Okay." Chris sighs.

Trey closes the door to the room behind him. That stupid short conversation between them pissed me off. My problems aren't irrelevant and they shouldn't have to be put aside all the time for other people's bullshit. Yes I have things I got to deal with and to me they are fucking important. I understand their shit is important.

"Wanna talk about it?" Chris says from across the room. "Amber?"

"I don't."

"Cause it's about me?" He says sadly. "I feel like it's about me. I mean I know it's about me."

I glance in the direction I thought he was. "Why would it be about you?"

"I know it is." He blows.

"It's about the situation. Cammie thinks her problems are supposed to be everyone else's but when it comes to other people she just wants to judge."

He was now standing near me. "Who, Cammie?"

"Yes."

"Bae, maybe you just mad at something else. Cammie would rather not have anyone in her business." He kneels down. "You not really excited about being pregnant are you? Mad cause I am and you don't know how to be real with me."

I suck my teeth. "Sounds rehearsed."

He rubs my leg. "Joyce said it."

"Your mama said that?"

He shrugs. "She asked how you felt. I said fine. She said no then lectured me on being selfish. I didn't purposely get you pregnant. Last thing I heard the doctor said you not ready."

I sigh. He is being so positive. I shouldn't be being so negative. He is right. It is about him. I don't really want to tell him that or deal with his response. I don't know if I want to deal with anything right now. I don't feel like being bothered. And what does Joyce even have to do with this? Why does it take her to give him a view of me?

"That's why you care?"

"No." He snaps. "What you on? I'm not trying to argue with you?"

"Then leave me alone."

He stands up shrugging his shoulders. "Aight then."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah."

"I want this baby and I don't think it's fair for you not to want it. Like I'm never gonna be okay with you getting rid of it. And if that is what you thinking then ain't no need acting like we can make it."

"What?" I snap.

He was back across the room. "I'm just saying that's not an option."

"It wasn't a fucking question!" I yell.

"Damn, don't wake my baby." Chris whispers.

I look at him. That's what he was doing across the room? Royalty is in here.

"I never fucking said nothing even remotely close to getting rid of my baby. Fuck you for thinking that."

"It ain't about what you saying. It's what you not saying. It's you only talking long term with this relationship after finding out you pregnant. It's you having to have private conversations about the shit we should be able to talk about. What a great friendship this has become."

I just roll my eyes cause ain't shit to say to that. Plus I don't feel like fucking arguing. With Cammie then with him. Why couldn't he just leave the shit alone and talk shit about Cammie with me. Fuck what any of the conversations were even about. I don't feel like dealing with his shit and I don't feel like Cammie.

"Just so you know what's really going on. Cammie and her mother had a talk about her… what happened in college. So her shit pretty difficult right now. She just ready to go home and act like nothing happened. So yeah."

I turn around looking at Trey. He walks back out of the room when nobody comments for a few seconds. Chris stands up from the bed once again. He just walks out of the bedroom door. I sigh.

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ettadunham · 5 years

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A Buffy rewatch 2x15 Phases

aka male aggression and the Buffy feminism

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and point out / hyperfocus on one detail in it in 10-3k words. Or maybe go through each and every random scene I choose. Rules are fake.

And today’s episode is one that I enjoy and love immensely, but it’s also the perfect opportunity to talk about the dreaded subject:

Why does Buffy’s feminism feel dated?

But before that, it’s time for everyone’s* (*my) favorite segment - Buffy/Willow out of context.

Buffy: Meow! Willow: Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a 'meow' before.

Even Larry’s being gross about wanting ‘some of that Buffy/Willow action’... And like... I know that you’re going through stuff my dude, but still., don’t ruin this for the rest of us.

Willow is also complaining about guys and dudes in general at least three different times in this episode. (Sometimes to Buffy, but sometimes to Cordelia??? I’m definitely sleeping on that ship.) And I’m just sitting here being like... aw, honey... you really don’t need them... trust me.

Anyhow, we could be sitting here dissecting all that, but I set out with a different goal today, and I’m trying to cut it short, so let’s talk.

Buffy feminism.

At this point anyone in and out of the fandom is familiar with the debate of how Buffy’s - and in turn, Whedon’s - feminism has aged, and that while it had a huge impact on its time and laid the groundwork for today’s popculture scene, we’ve evolved since then.

And I don’t think many would negate a lot of that. The Buffy feminism certainly lacks intersectionality and works with a lot of tropes and archetypes that has its fair share of negative elements and implications. And Whedon’s later work have memorably been taken to court by fandom for such cases.

So the question that I ended up on some time ago was a natural result of that trail of thought.

Was Buffy ever intended to be feminist?

Spoiler alert: the answer is both yes and no. It’s Schroedinger’s feminism.

But first, I want to make it clear that I don’t intend to argue that Buffy isn’t feminist, or didn’t influence our culture massively in that direction. In the 90s, a show with a female lead was still the outlier, and the fact that it gained such a universal following is somewhat mind-blowing. Especially if you consider the grudge our culture holds against teenage girls, even today.

On top of that, Buffy’s character concept goes against the idea of the Strong Female Character (often known as Female Side Character With Some Masculine Traits To Show That She’s Not Like Other Girls Who Can Kind Of Hold Her Own Next To Our Male Lead But He’s Still Better At Things Of Course), by being both immensely powerful and unabashedly teen girly. And then only becoming more complex and memorable as the seasons went on.

Not to mention the fact that the show also had an even ratio of female:male co-stars for most of its run. Meaning that there were plenty of other female characters to develop beside the titular lead, making it a largely female-driven series in general.

As a result of all that, it’s no wonder that Whedon gained a reputation as a staunch feminist - and again, he was a trailblazer when it came to female-led television shows... But I think conflating his ideals with the show’s themes is where we fell into a pitfall.

People complaining about diversity in media often cite ‘agendas’ or ‘pandering’. Which is an immensely simplified (and stupid) way to look at things that is meant to paint going against the norms in a negative way. See, if the creators decide to include characters of different backgrounds because it’s important to them, or because they want to talk about their own experiences, then they have an ‘agenda’. The agenda being using art to talk about things they find important, I guess...

And then there’s this idea that studios / companies / creators just want to please an under-served audience, and profit out of their enthusiasm when they make such media. In contrast to pleasing the audience of the status quo 90% of the time otherwise. I guess.

I’m bringing this all up because the argument that a lot of these people bring up is that representation and diversity is okay if there’s a “reason” for it. Which... yeah, we already covered why I think this line of thinking is so incredibly flawed, but on the other hand... I think Buffy actually satisfies that criteria.

Ideas such as gender roles are baked into show’s concept. Buffy is literally fighting the patriarchy and rape culture (among other things), so it only makes sense that she’s a girl. Meanwhile the character who will end up being gay is the one who struggles the most with their identity. These things are literally building into the bigger picture that the show’s attempting to make.

Now, I will say this though - differentiating and drawing the lines between these things (sincere desire for representation vs. financial strategy vs. exploring themes) is impossible. Everything can be a little bit of each or something else entirely. That’s also why debating intent to undermine representation is such a cheap transparent move.

Nevertheless, I have decided to approach Buffy’s feminism and many of its other themes from the angle of thematic intent. And this episode is a prime example of how the heightened reality of toxic masculinity and its deconstruction look like on the show.

Phases is very unsubtle when stating its thesis. All men are beasts (a reoccurring theme for sure). And for that we have three male characters to examine: Oz, Larry and Cain. (And to a lesser extent Xander and Giles)

Cain is pretty much the least complex of all. He’s a misogynistic douchebag who constantly berates Buffy for “being a girl”, while also hunting essentially human beings for money. He’s completely one-dimensional and irredeemable, and the only thing he’s good for is so Buffy could destroy his gun and tell him to get the hell out of town.

I suppose he’s also there to contrast Giles, but there’s not much there to talk about. Giles respects and supports Buffy, I guess.

Now, Larry and Oz - that’s a more interesting contrast.

Larry was previously introduced as Xander’s bully, but this episode goes above and beyond establishing him as an all around creep. He makes gross comments at all the girls and literally gropes Buffy, and it all culminates in the Scoobies deducting that he must be the werewolf for being so aggressive and douchey.

And then it turns out that... no, he’s just gay. Which, like... the Gay Bully is certainly a trope that’s probably died out at this point, but this does make sense in the context of this episode and the show’s tendency to deconstruct. The idea that performative aggression like Larry’s can actually be a sign of an unresolved conflict with ourselves. And once that’s resolved, we can find a way to live without that facade and be our more authentic self.

Which is an interesting way to contrast him with Oz, as he appears to be the sweetest, chillest guy in the whole Sunnydale area. He literally tucks the tag on Willow’s shirt back like??? Too good for this world.

But then it turns out that he’ll now also become a werewolf 3 days out of a month, a creature of pure instinct and aggression. And given how reserved Oz is in his day-to-day life, that’s an interesting dichotomy. Is that supposed to represent him getting his rage on and finally letting loose of his emotions, or does it suggest a more aggressive inner layer of his character in general?

(Future knowledge mostly points towards the former, but I feel like it’d be interesting to talk about Oz from the latter perspective.)

It’s also an interesting tidbit how the episode mentions that the werewolf could be female, but then continues to refer to them as a ‘he’ anyway. It’s as if the episode is self-aware of its own theme.

...But then we get a lycanthropy- period cycle parallel made in the end anyway, when Willow’s like ‘well, I’m not much fun to be around 3 days-a-month either’. So there’s that.

Then there’s Xander. I’ve recently heard about an alleged quote where Whedon apparently said that they considered writing either Willow or Xander as gay at some point. And that was certainly in my head during Larry’s coming out scene, which makes Xander’s intense no-homo reaction much more layered. He’s essentially Larry in that scenario, aggressively trying to ignore his own inner conflict.

...Which also made me think of another coming out scene on the show and Buffy’s initial, if brief reaction to it.

Looking at Xander’s character from this angle also puts his obsession with his masculinity into perspective. Although his character arc, especially given the show’s themes about gender roles, remains interesting either way.

Oh yeah, and he’s super jealous about Willow and Oz. We’ll definitely get back to that in S3.

Buffy’s comment about Oz being the loyal type meanwhile is S4 material.

Onwards!

#buffy rewatch 2k19 #btvs talk #btvs

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mina-van1104 · 4 years

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♬ 👩🏻💁🏻‍♀️🎤🌸 Me singing "Safe & Sound” (2 days ago). I LOVE❤️ Taylor Swift & her songs have always been my top favorites since 2007 up until now. 13 years!! I love T-Swizzle & I loved reading the Hunger Games & loved all the movies!! This song is from “The Hunger Games.” I’m singing just for fun! Full video on Facebook!

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This is the perfect time to sing this song because of all the fear & anxiety so many people are having & it literally almost is like the “Hunger Games” because last time we were buying last minute foods to stock up in our storage for the months to come, there was barely any left to find anything we need at stores.

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Good thing we stocked up enough food early in the past weeks, because there was barely anything left. Remember, ignorance is not bliss & NEVER judge someone by how they look if you don’t know the full story.

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Also, again, I was born in Reno & family lived in Nevada since 1979 for 41 (forty one) years. I’ve been working in healthcare for 7 years (paid & unpaid work. Yes, Coronavirus started in China, but don’t blame it on Chinese or Asian people because they didn’t do anything. Coronavirus came from the LOCATION of China (from a different source) & the Chinese people didn’t do anything wrong. So don’t be uneducated/stupid & don’t be prejudiced & xenophobic. Don’t be ignorant.

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It’s either you’re born with having natural talents & the natural ability to be a GOOD singer or you’re not born with it because it CANNOT always be taught. This is my real, natural singing voice by the way, like always. 💯 I hope you have a fabulous day! Enjoy! 😊

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For those of you who know me well, I've been singing since I was 4. From elementary school singing choirs to Honors Choir to trying out and making it in "The King and I" musical at Reed High School (May 2001) when I was 8 years old.

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From talent shows to 3 years of being in Auditioned Women's Choir Prima Voce in High School then made it into UNR's University Auditioned singing choir, Chamber Chorale. I am so proud of myself! Those were wonderful and fun memories. I will always love singing! Always and forever!

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Once again this is my real, natural singing voice no filters, no autotunes, no lip sync or anything. It will always be my real singing voice and have always been.👌🏼😊

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Also been a long distance runner 🏃🏻‍♀️for 15 (fifteen) years now, not 14! It’s a new year now, have to recalculate everything!

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Full video on Facebook!😊

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# PositiveVibes # NativeNevadan # proud # StressRelieving # sing # fun # NaturallyTalented # MeSinging #True 💯 # Nurse # SafeAndSound #TaylorSwift #Singer #Nevada #NevadaBornAndRaised # UNRnevadaAlumnaMay2016 # BachelorsOfHealthSciences # graduated # PostUniversityGraduate 🎓🐺 # CommunityHealthSciences # PublicHealth 🐾🐺 # 2CollegeDegrees # 2ExtraMedicalLicenses # AllAccomplished 👊🏼 # Overachiever 🤘🏼 # accomplishments # StillProud # integrity # passions # talented # NaturalTalents # Scorpio 🦂 # runner 🏃🏻‍♀️ 💪🏼 # athletic # GoodGenes 👍🏼 # blessed ♬🎤😁💖💁🏻🎶🌸 (Full video on Facebook).

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@ mina_van1104

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EXTRA

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With my 2 college degrees, Bachelors Degree I graduated with & 2 extra medical licenses, & me always being an overachiever before most people my age before 22 years old in many different areas of life, compassion & being respectful to ALL people is the most important!

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*Nevada BORN & Raised & some of my big families living in Nevada for 41 (forty one) years now with mixed family of Asians/ Caucasians with American Veterans🇺🇸, Doctors, News Reporter, Nurses in our- blood-related family & family in-laws, & mixed Asian/small portions of European Descents,etc., it’s not Democrats Versus Republicans & it’s not about which party winning, so do what’s right for ALL people & do not vote for Trump. * Please vote for Bernie, Biden, (genuinely good people & very well-educated). Also some of my family members who have been living in the same house for literally 30 years since our house was built. Still love our home.

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Never had anyone be openly racist to me until 2017. Do NOT vote for Trump. Please vote for Bernie or Biden. The people who are racist are not better than anyone & racist people are obviously very uneducated, NOT cool, & dumb. Ignorance is not bliss. Don’t hate what you don’t know. Don’t judge or assume if you don’t know the full story. Also, wash your hands with soap often, hand sanitize, & hot showers to kill the viruses! It would be too late if it enters your body. Stay safe! # StayAtHome # WashHands

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Like I said, I got 2 athletic scholarships & did Cross-Country & Track 6 years straight & was always on Varsity. I still compete in 5Ks & half marathons. Very proud of all my accomplishments/awards in life! Always will!

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