#i was having such a hard time figuring out what to do for today so i decided to just have FUN
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take care
pairing: jason todd x gn!reader
summary: when you have a bad day at work, jason knows just the way to help you unwind.
tags: smut (18+), dom!jason todd, sub!reader, fingering, teasing, dirty talk, massages
wc: 2.1k
No matter what you try to tell yourself, you can’t stop crying. Ever since you woke up this morning, it feels like life has been throwing you the worst possible things to deal with– people being casually rude to you, your boss expecting unreasonable amounts of work done. After finally falling into bed, you completely lose it, sobbing so hard your body starts shivering.
Jason won’t be back for another couple of hours at least, and usually that’s enough time for you to unwind from work, but today you can’t stomach the thought of doing anything. Instead, you slip into sleep while the tears are still fresh on your face.
There’s a warm pat on your shoulder, and for a second, the bliss of sleep follows you from your nap into reality. But all too soon, you remember the day you’ve had and the tenseness from earlier sinks back into you.
“Hey,” Jason whispers, his hand still resting on your shoulder. “You alright?”
“Yeah– I’m,” You shake your head, stumbling across the half of the blanket that’s made it on the floor as you walk to the bathroom. “I’m just really tired. I’m going to shower, I forgot to earlier.”
You catch Jason’s concerned look from the corner of your eye, but you try not to stress about how you’re worrying him. As soon as the door closes behind you, you grip the bathroom counter and look at your reflection.
You’re so exhausted you look sick, but you don’t want to bother Jason with your own worries right now. When he’s not on patrol, he’s always researching more ways he can stop crime and minimize conflict. Really, he doesn’t have a ton of time of his own to relax, so you really shouldn’t burden him with your feelings.
After a half-hearted shower, you toss on a T-shirt and shorts before walking towards the living room. Jason’s lounging on the couch, and he waves you over to watch a movie– Pride & Prejudice 2005.
“Oh? What’s the occasion?” You say, trying for cheerful.
“Just thought we could use something familiar,” He says, placing a blanket on top of you before wrapping his arm around your shoulder.
“I’m still going to need you to explain half of what’s going on, I can’t keep up with all the characters.”
“That’s why we’re watching it,” He kisses your cheek. “I just tricked you into listening to me ramble about my favorite book.”
You giggle, and for a second you almost feel light enough to enjoy the moment. You can’t shake the feeling that you’re forgetting something, though, and when it hits you, you nearly kick the blanket off of you.
“Shit! I didn’t make anything for dinner!”
“Hey, hey,” Jason moves his hand to rub the back of your neck. “It’s okay, I got something going in the oven.”
You settle back into your place on the couch, but you feel terrible. It was your turn to make dinner today since you got off your shift first. You can’t believe you let yourself fall asleep instead! Jason doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest, he just cuddles into your side further as you both watch the camera pan around Elizabeth Bennett.
Suddenly, it hits you. You know how to make up for worrying him and forgetting about dinner. At first, you subtly try and bring your hand under the blanket, feeling around until you find his thigh. When you make contact, Jason gives you a look, trying to gauge whether or not it was intentional. You give him a cheeky smile as you continue.
Jason settles into the couch, just laying back and allowing you to do what you want, still figuring out why you’re suddenly in the mood. You run your nails against the inside of his thigh, lightly at first before digging in just a little, knowing he likes it a little rough.
You finally palm him through his shorts and he lets out a small gasp. His shoulders seem to fall back and you swear you can see some of the tension Jason always carries around leaving him. Carefully, you wrap your hand around his cock, and you lazily stroke him through the fabric as he exhales through his nose. You’re about to crawl under the blanket to take off his shorts when Jason grabs you by the shoulder and pulls you up to face him.
“Alright, that’s enough of that.”
“Huh? Don’t you want me to,” you gesture to his lap instead of letting your words trip you up. “I mean, I just started now, so I should really–”
“What are you talking about?” Jason shakes his head, his fluffy hair shifts with him.
“Look, I–” You massage your forehead, trying to work through some of your anxiety. “I was going to do something for you, Jason, so just let me–”
Jason slides his hand from your shoulder across your arm until he’s supporting your hand, bringing it in so he can kiss your knuckles.
“You’re always doing stuff for me,” He whispers. “Let me return the favor.”
The speed at which you break eye contact and begin fiddling with the blanket speaks volumes to Jason. You gulp as he lowers your hand, careful not to overstep. You know that if you say the word, the two of you can stop and go back to watching the movie in front of you. But still, no matter how much residual stress keeps bothering you, you want to know what Jason has in mind for you.
“Yes,” you say.
“What?” Jason leans in, not having heard you the first time.
“Yeah–” you try to fight against your own embarrassment at accepting the invitation. “I’d like you to… take care of me.”
For a moment, the two of you sit in silence before Jason bursts into giggles. You have the sense to feel offended, but he quickly wraps his arms around you and rests his head on your shoulder.
“God, lighten up, will you? You sound so serious, it’s not that big a deal.”
Immediately you fail at keeping a straight face, and although you really don’t want to give him the win, you end up letting out a snort.
“Alright, come on,” He taps your back. “Lay on your stomach.”
“What’re you doing?” You ask, even though you’re already maneuvering into position, tossing the blanket off the couch in the process.
“Just trust me, okay? Relax, I’ve got you.”
Jason’s hands are warm when they reach your back. You take in a small inhale, not quite sure what you were expecting. He moves his hands softly at first, just stroking the skin of your back and shoulders to get you accustomed to the feeling. As soon as you start getting comfortable, he starts applying the slightest bit of pressure, kneading at your shoulder muscles.
A sound escapes you that you’re not proud of, and though you’re certain Jason is smirking, you refuse to turn around and see it. Sighing into the couch cushions, you close your eyes and let yourself fade into the feeling. Jason moves downward, massaging your back in slow motions, carefully running his knuckle down the small of your back. It’s incredible, more than, but it doesn’t feel like nearly enough.
“You can press harder, you know.”
He huffs, “See, I was thinking that, but if I hurt you right now I don’t think I’d be able to forgive myself.”
Jason has a talent for saying things like that, things that make you melt no matter what’s running through your head. To his credit, he tries, kneading out all the knots across your back, but still with lighter pressure than you would’ve given to yourself.
“Is that alright?” He asks. “You want me to keep going?”
You hum, already starting to sink into the feeling. Jason continues, hands roaming all across your back. Your eyes start to close and you can feel yourself slipping into sleep before a hand starts to move down your body, gently feeling up your ass.
“Okay?” Jason says.
“Okay–” and as soon as you respond, he kneads the sore muscles in your upper thighs and ass, and although it causes a part of you to completely melt into the cushions, a part of you feels like you’ve just had a fire lit within you.
“Jason,” you start. “If you keep going, I might… uh–”
“No, you can say it,” he whispers as he leans in, covering your body with his own so you can feel his breath across your cheek. “Tell me what I do to you.”
“Shit–” you bury your head into the couch, but Jason carefully sets hand on your head and helps you make eye contact with him.
“Talk to me,” his voice drops low. “I can’t give you what you want if you don’t tell me.”
He places a hand on top of one of yours resting in front of you. You flip your hand over and interlock your fingers with his. A barely audible exhale escapes from Jason as he gives your hand a squeeze.
“I want you to finger me.”
He’s smirking as he kisses your cheek, his lips trailing lower to your jawline before you even have time to register his movements. It’s like a switch has flipped in him, like he’s finally allowing himself to let loose for your sake. Like all he ever wants is to make you feel good if only you’ll allow him to.
The hand not holding yours moves from your ass to your inner thigh, softly rubbing circles only centimeters away from your slit. He catches you closing your eyes again, getting lost in the comfort around you and he gives your upper thigh a pinch.
You give a small shout, and Jason uses the opening to slot two fingers in your mouth. He doesn’t even need to give the command, you’re already sucking him on instinct. Always efficient, Jason unclasps your hands to reach for the lube in the side table drawer while you’re distracted. He pulls his fingers from your mouth with a pop.
“Are you ready, baby?”
“Because I can keep going if you’re not ready–” he pretends, as if he didn’t have a perfect view of your signal.
You nod, but your head is still mostly shoved against the surface of the couch.
“Jason! Fucking go!”
He snickers as lubes his fingers before gently working one in. How typical, even when he’s being nice, he still can’t help but be a tease. His pace is slow but thorough, working himself all the way into your heat before sliding out, only to rush back whenever you seem to get used to the sensation.
Already being relaxed from the massage must be getting to you, because as soon as you stretch to accommodate his second finger, your breathing starts to quicken. He speeds up slightly, moving to kiss the spot between your jaw and neck, nibbling a small mark despite knowing it’s in the perfect spot to be seen.
He finally starts hitting the spot inside of you where he’s needed, and you almost yelp in relief.
“Faster,” you sigh, and gratefully, Jason listens. He quickens his pace, hitting inside of you with accuracy, and leaning on top of you now to better the angle. You can feel the planes of his chest against your back, and the warmth radiating off of him causes your face to heat up.
“Ah–” you start, and Jason is able to get it out before you can.
“You’re close?”
This time when you nod your head, he accepts your answer and continues the same speed and intensity. He uses his other hand to grip you by the shoulder and force your head up so he can hear your gasps. Jason moves his head close to your ear again, and you can hear the smile in his voice when he whispers, “Come for me.”
You groan, naturally wanting to bury your cries into the cushions, but Jason’s grip stops you. The casual show of his strength has you thrusting back towards his fingers, and he dutifully works you through your orgasm until you’re finished.
He flips you so you don’t end up falling asleep with your airflow cut off, and under his observant gaze you finally stop trying to cover yourself up. You flash your teeth, and Jason rubs the curve of your cheek with his thumb before slipping off the couch to get a towel to clean up.
#dc comics#gn reader#smut#dc smut#dc#jason todd x gn!reader#jason todd smut#jason todd x you#jason todd#dom!jason todd#sub reader#red hood#red hood x gn!reader#red hood x reader#red hood smut#jason todd x reader
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genre: smutty with a plotty.
cw: implied fem reader and sub simon. reader is a bit mean dumification, sexism (reader mocks simon for being a man and being 'weak') masochism (simon), sadism (reader), simon is a crybaby. loads of f-bombs. bit of a long one and may be loads of spelling mistakes, but bare with me, y'all 😭🙏🏾
side note: i'm such a shit writer that it makes me want to cry. ughhh, like i've some people smuts, and i'm so jealous, like, i'm so shit at writing it burns 😭😭
MDNI – MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ
dorky!gamerboy!simon with a slutty, popular, mean roommate.
he finds her so annoying, walking around in your dorm with those stupidly tight booty shorts that show the bottom half of your ass and those annoyingly tight tank tops that you wear that has your nipples poking through the fabric of them.
it's so aggravating because you get him hard in the matter of seconds and then you make him stumble of his words or make him blush like a fucking idiot.
and ohhh, don't even get him started when you bring guys over. it's so fucking irritating trying to study or play video games with a boner and having to listen to you stupid pornagraphic moans, it's so fucking distracting!
and on top of that, when he finishes studying and thinks he can finally go to bed in peace. wrong. the familiar buzzing noise he hears through the thin walls, and your moans are enough to make him go insane. he thinks his poor cock is on its last leg because of how many times he's had to jerk off.
he bets you're doing it on purpose at this point! trying to get him all riled up. trying to drive him nuts! i mean, what other reason is there?
also, your attitude is so bad. he could be telling you to do something, and you're already telling him to piss off. then it leads to an argument and blah blah blah.
you're honestly so fucking bitchy and it gets on his nerves.
today was no different! he was playing video games as per usual until you bursted into his room. you obviously startled him but he doesn't pay attention to you. just taking off his headset and letting it rest around his neck and still continuing to play his game, "don't you know how to fucking knock!?"
"whatever. get off your stupid game, it's your turn to do the dishes."
he groans and shifts around in his chair, so it spins to look at you, "i did them yester-..." as soon as he manages to look at you straight away, his eyes widen. you're stading in his doorway wearing a red lacey bra and a matching lacey red thong.
what kind of woman does this!? standing in front of her guy roommate, half-naked!? his eyes trace all over your body, your figure, and he can't help the blood rushing down south. he gulps and shifts his hands to block the serious boner he was having right now.
"why the fuck are you staring at me like that?"
"n-nothing..."
"whatever, you gonna wash the dishes or what?"
"s-sure... j-just give me a m-moment."
"aight cool. just hurry the fuck up, dork."
you leave him be and close the door and as soon as he hears the door click. his hands are already pulling down his sweatpants and fisting his aching hard cock, moving his hand up and down at an uneven pace, so desperate to cum. your name falling out his lips and filthy images of you clouded his mind.
meanwhile you were getting annoyed because he was taking way to long. you opened the door, "why the fu-..."
your eyes shoot open. he clearly didn't hear the door open or your voice. you grin as you watch him toy with himself, moaning your name. gosh, you never knew a man's moans could be so... addicting. you could already feel heat building in your core.
you watch simon fist his cock a couple more times before his cum drenches his hand and the chair under him. you grin and decide this is the time to speak up, "you enjoy yourself?"
simon felt his heart drop and he turned to look at you. his soft cock now going hard again by the sight of you. he let out a fit of sorry's and of course the dumbest like any man could say, 'it isn't what it looks like'.
"cut the bullshit, simon. you were jerking off, moaning my name. the fuck is it meant to look like?"
he looked away in shame and embarrassment. "and you know what makes it worse?"
he looks up at you, noticing the digested expression on your face. "your cock is getting hard again. you fucking pervert."
"i-i'm s-sor-... a-ah!!"
his eyes widened when your hand wraps around his cock. he let's out a groan when you pull the uncut foreskin down to see his angry leaking tip. "fucking disgusting. you're getting off by this!?"
blood rushes to simon's face and he let's out a croaky moan when your thumb traces across his tip, collecting his pre-cum. you slip your thumb into your mouth, the salty flavour lingering on your tongue. he watched you carefully, his breathy unsteady and his cock twitched a bit. "you're such a fucking pervert. you enjoying this, letting your roommate, your bully, play with your cock like this?"
he avoids your gaze causing you to dig your pretty, manicured nails into thigh, "answer me simon."
he lets out a pained groan and nods, "y-yes.."
you move hand to wrap his cock again and you begin jerking off his cock, his previous orgasm presenting as lube to help you guide your hand up and down his length. you watch as his head rolls back onto the of his gaming chair and his face contort into pleasure. you kiss your lips against his tip and he tenses up.
you grin, and you slip the head of his cock into your mouth and swirl your tongue around it and watch as simon's eyes close from the pleasure. you tongue teases the slit of his cock, taking pleasure in the salty taste of his pre-cum.
he groans and starts blabbering about how he's gonna cum. he opens his eyes to see your pretty half lidded eyes looking up at him through your lashes. you slip your mouth off his tip and pump his cock a lot quicker, hoping for more of his creamy white. instead you were met with loud groans and tiny droplets of cum. you look up at him again to see how breathy he was and you immediately start bursting out laughing.
"fuck me! you're so out of breathe and you only gave me, what, two, three fucking drops of cum? how embarrassing."
your laughter was humiliating enough, but now a whole sentence about it? he felt the heat rush up to his face in embarrassment, but what was then embarrassment was now lust.
he whines and watches as your tongue swirl around his tip again. tears building up his eyes from the sensitivity, and you slowly start taking him deeper into your mouth, and that's when waterworks come out. he wasn't fully crying, just a couple of tears from the painful pleasure, that's all.
you hear sniffles and sobs and you look up to see simon crying and you never felt so turned on in your life. how fucking cute. you take your mouth off of his cock and you give him the most smug grin ever. "are you fucking serious?! you're crying? oh my fucking god."
a full-blown laugh erupts from your lips. not again. he watches you slowly call down and stop laughing, and he notices something different about your expression. sure, lust was still there, but there was a tint of sadism there now. fuck. are you getting turned on by this!?
he doesn't even get the chance to say or think about it before you're already deepthroating him. he let's out a loud groan, tears leaking out of his eyes now. he can't help it, it feels so painfully good and the pleasures to much. you nose was nuzzled against his pubes and bop your head up and down and you are delighted to hear his pornagraphic moans and groabs and again as he cums. you were delivered with the same tiny droplets of cum.
you take your mouth off of his cock again, "fuck. the same orgasm from before how pathetic."
he couldn't even pay attention, too, out of this world to say or do anything. he was taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down but he let out a strained and choked moan to feel your wetness engulfing his cock. his eyes open and he looks down to see your pretty lacey red panties pushed to the side. he watches as your wet cunt slips his onto his cock with greed.
he groans at the feeling and he can't help the tears anymore. he doesn't care, he gives up, letting himself cry. his tears blur up his vision and he focuses on the feeling of your gorgeous warmth sucking his cock in until it was kissing your cervix. you slowly start bouncing on his cock and he's gone at this point.
eyes rolled to the back of his head and his head again resting against the head of his chair again. the chair creaks as you ride him. your moans being music to his ears. you place kisses all over his neck, smothering it in love bites and hickeys.
you feel his hands wrap around your waist, and you watch the state he's in. messy hair, eyes rolled to the back of his head, hickeys all over his neck. it's so fucking cute. "you're so fucking weak, what kind of man are you? a weak one at that. you're such a fucking crybaby."
you feel his cock twitch slightly at your words and you mouth shifts into a sadistic smirk, "you like that, getting called weak? a crybaby? a fucking man whore?"
you feel his cock twitch again, "f-fuck... you do... a-ah~... you do like that."
you feel your orgasm approaching and you pick up the speed. soon enough, you both have each other screaming each other's names. you squirting and simon finally delivering you that delicious creamy white you were so desperate for. you slowly slip off of his cock, your mixed orgasm now leaking onto the chair them the floor.
at this point, simon was so drained. his cock slowly going limp. his eyes start going droopy, tired from you two's sessions. his eyes closed and all his can remember is your soft lips against his then you saying,
"goodnight simon."
*✧･ﾟ: *✧･*
extra side note: may or may not have gotten carried away 😔. um, please tell me if this was good because i feel as if i waffled way to hard😰 and that it's shit. i know it's probably gonna get barely any like as most of my post now but whatever. at least i tried 😛😛 also took me 2-3 fucking hours to do and it may not look like it but oh well, yolo. 😽
wanna know more about me —> here
masterlist —> here
#🎀 — 𝑶𝑩𝑺𝑬𝑺𝑺𝑬𝑫#cod ghost#cod ghost smut#cod ghost x reader#cod ghost x you#simon riley#simon riley smut#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley smut#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you
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Title: Die For You (Seonghwa) Part 2
▶︎၊၊||။|။ 00:10 | Playing: Die For You by The Weeknd
Pairing- Seonghwa x Reader x Wooyoung
Genre- University AU, angst, fluff (warnings: alcohol, mature language, mentions of sex, an argument scene)
Word Count- 7.9k
Summary- Between your best friend who doesn't love you back and the guy that does, things get messy as you try to figure out what exactly your heart wants.
-
“So what exactly did Yunho say about me?” you settled on asking, attempting to flutter your eyelashes. Yeah, you were not taking this impromptu meet up as seriously as you should. Sure Wooyoung was cute but you felt goofy today and apparently he found it amusing too because he just smiled.
“Just that you’re his friend and that I had to meet you. He also mentioned that you studied biology but he didn’t exactly mention to me how beautiful you were. If I knew I’d be seeing you tonight, I would’ve dressed up more.” There was a hint of flirtation in his voice when he leaned closer, which caused heat to rush up to your cheeks. He sure knew how to make a girl flustered because the way he looked at you had butterflies running rampant in your stomach. “Enough about what Yunho said though, tell me about yourself,” Wooyoung began, as he took a sip of his drink.
“Um okay,” you sighed, not knowing where to start. “Well I’m in my third year. And like you already know, I’m studying biology. I want to become a science teacher. I used to tutor for two years and I guess a part of me just likes telling people what to do? I also just love the study of life. It’s so interesting learning how cells and organisms react and respond to external stimuli. And then there’s genetic code and ecology and it's just so cool how we’re practically all dependent on each other, you know?” you noticed how Wooyoung was gazing so intently at you and stopped yourself, “sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I? You probably don’t care. How about you? Tell me about yourself.”
“You’re not rambling at all and I do care. It’s actually nice to hear how passionate you are about your major,” he began. “A lot of people just go to college not knowing what they want or go just because they want to please their parents,” he paused momentarily and there was something in his eyes that looked rather dejected. “I know because I was definitely like that for a while. I was majoring in biology too. I was on track to be pre-med but I was miserable. I hated my classes and the labs but I tried hard to be the son my parents wanted me to be and make them proud. I was so miserable and lonely though that I even considered dropping out but then I met Yeosang over there,” he looked back at both his friends, “and he made me realize that life was too short to waste time pursuing a path I hated. He also made me realize my passion and what it was I actually wanted to do in life so I guess I have him to thank for my epiphany," he reminisced on.
You glanced back at your friends too and caught a glimpse of Seonghwa who was texting and you felt your heart sting. You loved him but there was no way you were going to mourn over what could’ve been forever; you had to move on. You were here with Wooyoung, pay attention to him, you mentally scolded yourself. You were enjoying his company and he was a great guy you could see yourself with if things went well. So, changing your attitude about this borderline date, you gave Wooyoung your full undivided attention. “And what is it that you wanted to do?” you asked.
“I want to become a professional chef. Or at least do something in the hospitality and tourism industry,” he admitted with a melancholic smile. “I know I just need to go to culinary school but I figured having a bachelors wouldn’t hurt and my parents still wanted me to go to college, so I switched my major to business with a minor in hospitality management. Thankfully after a while, my parents just accepted it and college wasn’t so dreadful anymore. I even joined Delta Sigma Pi too because of Yeosang and met those losers,” he joked and you found yourself smiling too, because he was so endearing in the way he talked and expressed himself.
As the conversation went on, you’d begin to realize that there was more to meet the eye. Wooyoung was really passionate about the culinary arts and even more introspective than you. His outer appearance was deceptive because although he was genuinely outgoing and silly, he was also a deep thinker and more earnest than you sought him out to be. Just hearing him talk about himself, you realized how hard working he was and how much self discipline he had. He was more wise than you thought too, so if there was one thing you’d learn while talking to him, he really believed in the saying that ‘your efforts never betray you’ and you found yourself standing by those words too.
As the night came to an end, you parted ways with Wooyoung and you guys even exchanged numbers. The rest of your friends split into cabs and you couldn’t stop smiling as you got into the cab with Yunho and Seonghwa to head back to their apartment south of downtown. Before you went out today, you had already decided you were going to crash at Yunho and Seonghwa’s shared apartment. Your car was currently parked at their place and you figured you’d drive back to your apartment tomorrow morning.
“So what do you think of Wooyoung?” Yunho asked from beside you as he manspreaded, forcing you to scoot over. You were practically squished in between the right side of the car door and your tall ass, big limbed friend. A heavy sigh escaped your lips.
“He’s great," you said, trying to get as comfortable as you could with Yunho's shoulder against yours. You instantly regretted climbing in first. The seatbelt was cutting into the side of your neck too and everything just felt uncomfortable. At least it wasn’t entirely terrible. At least the cab man wasn’t cheap and had the AC on at a temperature that wasn’t too cold nor hot.
“He’s a good guy Y/N.” Yunho insisted, lowering his head with a skeptical look in his eyes. It was almost as if he didn’t believe your words. What you said was the truth though, Wooyoung was honestly a great guy.
“I know," you enunciated. "I think I actually really like him,” you assured him while glancing over at Seonghwa who was texting someone (probably Seolhyun) on his phone.
Seonghwa peered up at your words, tilting his head to butt in. “He seems like the typical frat guy. Given how cynical you are, I’m surprised you even ‘like’ him.” The moment those words left his mouth, you scoffed. What did he know?
“Well he’s Yunho’s friend and I trust that he has good judgment. And just because he’s in a fraternity doesn’t mean he’s the stereotypical guys you see. If you just had one conversation with him, you’ll see. Also, I can make my own decisions, and Wooyoung seems like a good guy.”
“If you say so,” Seonghwa sighed, raking his hand through his hair. “You’ve only known him for what? Two hours? Just don’t be surprised when there's someone else.”
You glared at him. Did he not drink enough tonight? Usually three drinks was enough to loosen him up and he was always a fun drunk.
When did he get so irritable?
Yunho elbowed Seonghwa who was so quick to judge. “Don’t listen to him, he’s just in a bad mood because he asked Seolhyun to hang out tomorrow and she blew him off.” He then turned back to you, a hand on your knee. “I know Wooyoung looks like the type to play around, but he’s not. He hasn’t actually hasn't been with anyone in two months," Yunho bragged. "There's nothing to worry about."
“How impressive,” Seonghwa mumbled under his breath before going back on his phone. If he hadn’t told you about his gigantic crush on Seolhyun earlier, you would’ve sworn he was almost jealous with how judgmental and grouchy he was. You ignored his attitude.
“Good to know I won’t be a rebound,” you said comically towards Yunho. “What happened anyway? Did he dump her? She dump him?"
Yunho exhaled. “He dumped her. I didn’t really know his ex that well but from the moment I met her, I didn't like her. And you know me, I like everyone. And turns out, she only used him for his money. Poor Wooyoung, you know? He really liked her.”
“Hold up,” you backtracked. “You’re telling me he’s loaded?”
“Yeah, but he’s really humble about it. He doesn’t tell anyone. Hell, I didn’t even know until his birthday last year when he threw this huge party at his parent’s mansion.” Yunho was saying all of this as if it was no big deal, as if it was common knowledge.
And it left you in shock.
“You should’ve led with that when you told me about him last week,” you joked. “I would’ve agreed to meet him much sooner.”
“Yeah right, Mrs. true love over money. You didn’t even care last week when I told you about how he wanted to meet. You wouldn’t let money deter you from the guy you actually like but who knows, maybe you’d come to like Wooyoung more than you think.” Yunho was right. You didn’t care about materialistic things and would rather be with a guy you genuinely liked than a guy who had money.
But when the guy you liked didn't like you back, you had to move on.
“No wonder why he paid for everyone’s drink,” Seonghwa grumbled from beside Yunho. “What a show off.”
“He was just being nice.” Yunho glared at Seonghwa before turning to you. “Anyway, speaking of birthdays, what are you doing next week for your birthday?”
“I have a class then I have a lab,” you droned and Yunho nodded.
“Nothing afterwards?”
“I’m gonna take a nap,” you said as a-matter-of-factly and Yunho scoffed.
-
When you arrived at Seonghwa and Yunho’s apartment, Yunho handed you an extra blanket and pillow to sleep on the sofa. You always had your essentials at their place for nights when you crashed over so it was just the usual. Everything was going well until you realized you forgot to bring your pajamas. And you really didn’t want to sleep in your clubbing outfit.
Reluctantly, you walked towards Seonghwa’s room. You would’ve went to Yunho’s room but he was fast asleep, that fact evident from the snores you could hear from outside the hallway. It was so tense between you and Seonghwa earlier but you sucked it up since you had no other choice. You counted to three before knocking on Seonghwa’s door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” he said from behind the door. "You can just come in, you know? You don't have to knock every time."
“Just to be safe," you said upon turning the doorknob. A flashback of that one time you almost saw him naked replayed in your head again and you felt heat rush up to your cheeks. You quickly shook that thought away. Thankfully he had pajamas on right now so no repeat of the event two months ago. "So um, can I borrow some clothes? I just don’t want to sleep in this outfit."
He immediately said “sure,” then rummaged through his dresser to toss you one of his t-shirts and basketball shorts.
“Thanks." You also gave him back his jacket, about to close the door when he spoke up again.
“By the way, do you really like that Wooyoung guy?” He asked as he grabbed the towel beside him to dry his hair. His demeanor was calm so you couldn't read him well. You chewed on the inside of your cheek, trying to come up with a decent response.
“Yeah, I do,” you settled on.
“I don't like him.” His voice was stern and you genuinely wondered what was going on inside his head right now because he had already made it clear how he felt about Wooyoung earlier.
“I know. But I do. So can you at least try to understand?”
Seonghwa sighed. “I’m only looking out for you. Some of Yunho’s friends are nice and all but that doesn’t mean they’re looking for anything serious and I’m just worried you’ll get hurt. You know I care for you right?” You appreciated him but just why did he always have to act like a nagging parent?
“I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself.” You tried not to show how annoyed you were. It was late and you were too tired for this.
“You know I love you right?” he began softly as he neared you, tossing the towel aside. He then grabbed your hands and pulled you into his chest, his arms around you now. “I’m sorry if I was being blunt today but it’s only because I don’t want you to get hurt.”
If only he knew that he was the reason why you were hurt in the first place. He could always read right through you— except for the times when he was the reason you were upset. It sucked how he broke your heart. And he wasn’t even aware he was doing it.
“I know,” you mumbled. You tried not to think about the heat of his body against yours because your top was really thin and it left you feeling him everywhere. It did little to stop your heartbeat from quickening so you pulled away. “I should go change now.”
-
Getting settled on the sofa, you tried your best to sleep but you couldn’t stop thinking about how you could hear everything Seonghwa and Seolhyun were talking about. The walls were paper thin and Seonghwa kept flirting and laughing at the things she said.
You used to be the one he called late at night and now she was the one he ended the night talking to. Granted, you were over at his place right now, and he didn’t need to call if he wanted to talk but still. The past week, his late night calls were short and now you knew why. He was busy calling another girl.
To soothe your uneasiness, you ended up texting your roommate-- NingNing-- about the events that occurred tonight and thankfully she was still awake, texting you while FaceTiming Mingi. They were apparently seeing each other now and while you weren't surprised, it still felt weird. At least they finally admitted it though, it was an agonizing few weeks of watching them sneak around and flirt.
After a while of texting and scrolling on your phone, you were about to call it a day when you received a text.
Wooyoung [ 1:02 am ]: hey, are you awake?
You [ 1:02 am ]: depends... is this a booty text?
Wooyoung [ 1:03 am ]: oh no, it's not I swear, I just wanted to talk
Wooyoung [ 1:03 am ]: I have a very important question to ask tho since you're awake
You smiled, pulling Yunho's blanket he clearly didn't wash from the last time you slept over towards your stomach. You half expected a flirtatious response from Wooyoung, but to your surprise, he was adamant that this wasn’t a suggestive text.
You [ 1:03 am ]: hit me with it
Wooyoung [ 1:03 am ]: so, do you like physics?
Who asks this question at 1 A.M.? you thought. You still responded, but the question was just so random, it threw you off guard.
You [ 1:04 am ] yeah, I actually have to take a few physics courses for my bio major lol, why?
Wooyoung [ 1:04 am ]: because according to newton’s law of universal gravitation, if I’m attracted to you, then you’re attracted to me.
Wooyoung [ 1:04 am ]: can you confirm? 😆
Wooyoung [ 1:04 am ]: sorry, was that lame? I just saw it online and I thought of you since you like science
You smiled, because it was indeed lame. But he was cute for that so you lied.
You [ 1:04 am ] nah it’s not lame. I think you’re attractive too, but shouldn’t you be sleeping right now? it’s late lol
Wooyoung [ 1:05 am ]: yeah, but I couldn’t stop thinking of you
And just like that, you ended up texting Wooyoung for the next two hours with a huge grin on your face, your eyelids heavy the whole time.
-
“Admit it, I was right about Wooyoung. I bet you regret not listening to me and meeting him sooner don't you?” Yunho asked with a smug look on his face. It was the next Friday now, and you and him were currently in the library together with your laptops open. You managed to finish one assignment but didn’t get much done because Wooyoung kept texting you which of course caught Yunho’s attention.
“Sure, whatever,” you waved dismissively towards Yunho, too engrossed in the conversation with Wooyoung to look up at him. You couldn’t stop smiling down at your phone while texting Wooyoung.
Ever since that day at the bar, you and him haven’t stopped texting each other. That night, there was no awkwardness, no silence, no overthinking. Conversations with him were so natural and easy. He even made you feel jittery inside because for once you weren’t bored and found the flirting fun. It made you excited. You wanted to get to know more about him and it was a new feeling. You’ve never met someone like Wooyoung before and it was like a breath of fresh air being around him.
The rest of your friends would show up one by one to the table you were at and wished you happy birthday as they came. Although you turned a year older today, it didn't feel as exciting as it did when you were a kid. It was just another day closer to wrinkles, menopause, and death at this point. If Yunho could read your pessimistic thoughts, he'd surely slap your wrist and call you ridiculous because he absolutely loved birthdays and saw the good in everything.
“Happy birthday!” Seonghwa said loudly as he gave you a back hug, making you startled. He laughed at your reaction before handing you a gift bag with some tissue paper. He stood tall and watched as you pulled out gift.
When you saw the Nintendo Game you had been hinting at for the past month, you squealed and jumped up to give Seonghwa a proper hug, thanking him over and over again before sitting back down.
You really were thankful. Not just for the game, but to have your best friend back. But good moments were fleeting, and it didn’t take long for reality to crash down again.
By the next hour, you finally managed to finish your pre-lab questions. Although the side conversations have never distracted you before, today it did. The majority of your friends were in the university's dance team and while you tried to support them when you could, you had class yesterday during the time of the concert and attendance was required.
Seonghwa managed to pull up the performance last night and forced it in your face, wanting to show off how well they did. And like the supportive friend you were, you watched it, and praised him knowing that Seonghwa, although confident in his skills, had his fair share of doubts and insecurities as well.
So it hurts.
It hurts that while you complimented him, he kept going on about how Seolhyun was the greatest addition to the team again like a broken record. Sure she was captivating on stage but you didn’t need to hear it 24/7. And as Seonghwa rewatched the footage again, you couldn’t help but notice how literal hearts formed in his eyes. It was like he was entranced, drunk on a love spell or something. And it was pathetic.
But then again, you were also pathetic. By now, you’ve come to terms with it. Seonghwa would never like you back. You just wished your feelings for him would go away already.
-
Wooyoung [ 2:44 pm ]: so what are you doing for your bday?
You smiled down at your phone. Wooyoung finally responded to your text after an hour. You guys picked up where you left off again which was the topic of your birthday. It had only been a week of texting back and forth so it was way too soon to tell him that it was your birthday. You didn't intend on telling him but then Yunho opened his big mouth so here you were.
You [ 2:45 pm ]: I have a lab at 6, then I’m going to take a nap lol
Wooyoung [ 2:45 pm ]: that’s so boring thooo
You [ 2:45 pm ]: it’s just another day, nothing special lol
And it truly was just another day. You were just going to turn a year older, there was no point in trying to celebrate although you had a feeling your roommate would probably try to pull something.
Wooyoung [ 2:45 pm ]: it’s your birthday, the day you came out into this world, it should be celebrated
You [ 2:45 pm ]: I guess
“You’re texting him now?” Seonghwa grimaced, his distaste for Wooyoung as clear as ever. You truly didn't get what was such a big deal because he knew you and him were talking. He had been acting like this for the past week now and it got annoying real quick.
“Yes,” you replied, raising a brow at Seonghwa. “Is there a problem with that? I like him.”
“No. But it’s just you’ve only known him for a week."
“So? You barely knew Seolhyun and you’re obsessed with her.”
“I'm not obsessed. And that’s different.” He pursed his lips. You begged to differ with how he managed to make every conversation about her, but you didn’t call him out on it, not wanting to look jealous.
“Do tell, because I don’t see how it is.”
“It just is. He’s a guy and you know how guys are. Not everyone is going to be like me or Yunho.” There Seonghwa went again being overprotective for no reason and you rolled your eyes.
“Hey man, trust Wooyoung has good intentions,” Yunho interjected and you agreed with him. Sure, a week of texting wasn't enough to say for sure, but you just had a feeling in your gut that Wooyoung was a genuinely good guy. And your intuition? Although wrong half the time, had its accurate moments too.
“Since you want to talk about Wooyoung, let’s talk about Seolhyun too," you challenged with a beaming smile, "You know how girls are like her are, what about her makes her any different?”
Seonghwa furrowed his brows and that was when you knew you got him right where you wanted him. Provoking him was fun, especially with how many jabs he took at Wooyoung these days. “What do you mean girls like her? What are you implying?”
“I don’t know, what am I implying?” You honestly didn’t know either but if he was going to act like a child, you were too.
“Guys, let's not fight,” Mingi butted in, attempting to ease the tension. You only narrowed your eyes at him.
“This isn’t a fight. I’m just simply asking him a question,” you sighed.
Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “Whatever, this is stupid. Let’s just drop it.”
You scoffed.
Of course he would brush this off. And to think, he used to be the type to actually want to talk about his feelings. You never thought the Seonghwa you knew would change so much. You thought you guys were close but you guessed not. He didn’t even tell you about Seolhyun the other day, considering how you had to hear about it from Yunho who half hid the truth from you.
So really, you shouldn’t be that surprised.
All your friends sucked at this point.
-
Or maybe your friends didn't entirely suck.
The moment you opened the door to your apartment and turned on the lights, your friends all jumped up and yelled “Surprise!” followed by a “Happy Birthday!”
You had just gotten back from your lab and you were going to take a nap but you supposed you could skip it for moments like these. You were so happy seeing all the people you were close with but then your eyes landed on a certain someone and your smile faltered.
Seolhyun was next to Seonghwa and you hated how picture perfect they looked together.
She was wearing a pretty pink dress too, one that made her look like a princess. It was your birthday yet it looked like it was her birthday instead with how she out-dressed everyone. Her makeup looked good too and it only made you more aware of how you looked right now. You didn’t need a mirror to know that you probably looked like a mess. You were sure there were probably still marks on your face from the goggles you had to wear during the lab. And you probably looked dead inside from the busy day you had. You then glanced down at your outfit and yikes. You wished NingNing would've at least given you a heads up about this party because the leggings and t-shirt you were wearing right now was embarrassing.
You mentally slapped yourself.
You let your friends sing and congratulate you before you went to change into a more appropriate outfit. You then found NingNing in the kitchen and pulled her over to a more quiet area of the apartment. She was always known for throwing a party every time there was an occasion and inviting a lot of people. And as much as you loved and appreciated her for all the complaints you received from your neighbors, she also knew about Seolhyun so just why did she invite her? You asked her, and she frowned apologetically.
“I’m sorry, Seonghwa brought her and I couldn’t just say no. She’s on the dance team too and it would’ve been rude if we didn’t invite her since most of your friends are on the team. It’s not so bad if you think about it. I actually talked to her earlier too and she’s really nice, you should give her a chance.” She tried to get you to cheer up too as she clung onto your arm but it didn’t work.
“You sound like Seonghwa,” you droned and she grimaced. You were going to need a beer.
-
“Are you having fun?” The voice of Mingi took you by surprise. He stood beside you with his own beer, solemnly looking around the party filled with mostly friends and a couple people you didn’t know.
“Not really," you sighed as you leaned against the counter.
“It’s because of Seonghwa isn’t it?”
You choked a little as your eyes widened. You straightened your back then turned to him, nudging his elbow. “What?”
Mingi grinned. “You’re not good at hiding your feelings as you think but don’t worry, I’ll keep it on the low.”
You raised a brow, having a slight suspicion your roommate liked to tell her boyfriend/ not-boyfriend your secrets. "Did NingNing say something?"
"Nah.” He smiled dubiously before taking a sip of his beer. You truly hated how men were sometimes with their short and clipped responses. You were going to ask him to elaborate when he spoke again. “Wooyoung’s not the guy Seonghwa painted him out to be earlier in the library by the way. I think he’s just confused right now. Has a lot on his mind.”
“I know but what do you think he’s even confused about?”
Mingi shrugged. “Things. He’s just oblivious sometimes.”
You understood and replied to that by taking a sip of your drink.
Mingi didn't linger around much longer before NingNing called him over. You sighed as you watched him walk away before scanning the room. You only wanted to look for someone to talk to when you made the grave mistake of making eye contact with Seonghwa. Before you knew it, he was gesturing for you to walk over to where he was near the hallway.
You heard Seonghwa call your name and you just froze. You couldn’t even act like you didn't hear because you’ve already locked eyes. You didn’t move but within a few seconds, he walked over anyway. “Meet Seolhyun,” he introduced, and you tried to smile. “She’s the one I was telling you about on the dance team.”
“Hi.” You hoped your lazy smile masks your lack of interest.
“Hey girl,” she beamed, going in for a hug, almost spilling your beer. She was also holding a beer too but she handled it better. You had to awkwardly put your arms to the side, trying to hold your beer at a distance. “Happy birthday! Seonghwa has told me a lot about you. You’re a biology major right? How’s that going for you?”
“Good.” You could’ve asked her about her major too but you honestly couldn’t care less.
“So did you go to our performance yesterday? We performed a medley of Hip Hop songs and Seonghwa over here was amazing,” she glanced over at him and they smiled at each other. You genuinely wanted to puke right there on her pretty sparkly heels.
"I was busy," you said but you doubt she even heard you with how much she loved to talk, going on about the performance with Seonghwa. You admired the way Seonghwa looked at her. It was the same way you looked at him if he ever cared to notice. It wasn't until Seonghwa patted your shoulder that you realized you weren't even paying attention to a single thing they said.
“I’m gonna get myself a beer, I’ll be right back,” Seonghwa announced before walking away, and right as he did, Seolhyun dropped the act.
“You like Seonghwa don’t you?” She folded her arms and sized you up. If only her fake lashes weren't lifting up from the corner of her eyes. Maybe then, you would've been more intimidated. Instead, you raised a brow and remained composed.
“What?”
“Oh cut the bullshit, I know you like him.”
“We’re just friends,” you tried to say calmly but she was less than pleased with your response.
“He talks a lot about you. You know, at first I thought he liked you but then I realized that it was just you who liked him. I know you guys are friends and all but if you know what's good for him, you'd back off and keep your distance.”
“Can you chill? I don’t know what you’re talking about. And we’re just friends so you can have him.” And you meant that. Although you liked him, you would never try to ruin his thing with Seolhyun after you knew how much he liked her.
“Fine then.” She straightened her posture then flashed a beaming smile. “Nice necklace by the way,” she complimented, eyeing the silver heart necklace that fell in between the clavicle bones on your chest. She then scanned the room. "Can you hold my beer for a second? I just need to fix this clip in my hair. Please?" She asked nicely with a pout, holding out her drink.
Against your better judgment, you said "sure" and tried to grab her drink only for her to drop it, causing the bottle to shatter into pieces as it landed on the floor. The liquid spilled all over her heels while it splashed onto yours. You winced at the noise while she stumbled back. It wasn't like the music in your apartment was loud either, so everyone heard the noise and her dramatic yelp.
All the attention was on you and Seolhyun now.
"Are you okay?" you asked, but the second you noticed her expression change, you realized what she was doing and regretted ever trying to be civil with her. A tear now trailed down her cheek and she looked as if she was about to cry.
“Look, I know it’s your birthday and all but you don’t have to be so mean. I only wanted to try on your necklace, you could’ve just said no instead of knocking the beer out of my hands." She covered her face with her hands and before you knew it, she was full-on sobbing. Seonghwa immediately ran to her.
“I swear I didn’t do that. She did it herself.” You tried to defend yourself but you knew it was a lost cause the moment you met Seonghwa's eyes. He looked at you with disgust as he pulled her into his arms. You rolled your eyes at how Seonghwa was buying this whole act.
“And why would she do that? What’s up with you lately? You’ve been so snappy these days. And now you go and do this?” Seonghwa raised his voice as he held her in his arms. All you could do was look blankly at him. He has never raised his voice at you before. You didn’t let the fact that he called you snappy in front of everyone deter you from defending yourself either.
“Nothing’s been up with me,” You said calmly. "This is just a huge misunderstanding. I really didn't do that."
“You should apologize," Seonghwa said sternly and once again, you were annoyed with him for always telling you what to do. You couldn’t believe how he was actually taking her side when he didn’t even know the full story or bothered to ask.
Regardless, you stood your ground. “I’m not apologizing for something I didn’t do. You’re really going to believe her over me?”
“Well I definitely don’t believe she would drop the beer all over her new shoes.”
Seolhyun looked back at you with 'fear' in her eyes and you had to laugh. This was your apartment, why were you even putting up with this? You were going to kick her out when the front door abruptly opened and Wooyoung walked in. You didn't expect him to come but you supposed Yunho had something to do with it.
A part of you was glad he came but now? Right in the middle of this stupid argument? You made eye contact with Wooyoung and he smiled softly at you. You tried to mirror his smile but yours turned out weak due to Seonghwa's accusations dampening your mood.
"Happy birthday, sorry I'm late, the traffic was bad and then I saw a stand with flowers and I wanted to get you a bouquet. Yunho said you liked roses right? I hope it's not too soon." Wooyoung rambled as he placed the gift bag and roses on the coffee table. He then glanced around the room and noticed that everyone was quiet and staring at him like he was a ghost. The only noise was from the faint music at this point and it didn't take long for him to realize that something was wrong.
Rage filled your blood as you met Seolhyun’s eyes again but you remained collected. You couldn’t believe Seonghwa was actually defending her and raising his voice at you in front of everyone at your birthday party. The Seonghwa you used to know wouldn't do this. And you weren't about to argue with him anymore. You placed your own beer on the counter before spitting one last thing, “You know what? I don’t care anymore. Believe her all you want but that's not what happened. The both of you just need to leave.”
You didn't bother to spare them another glance before storming off to your room and slamming the door.
You weren’t going to cry but you were definitely pissed at the whole situation being so unfair. You paced back and forth in your own room, not knowing where to go from here. How long would you even stay in your room before going outside again? It was going to be awkward with how everyone witnessed Seonghwa raising his voice at you and taking the new girl’s side.
It wouldn’t even be a full minute before you heard the door open and you slapped your head for forgetting to lock it. "I told you to leave," you exclaimed, expecting Seonghwa but to your surprise, it was Wooyoung and your tone softened. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”
"It's okay," he stuck his head in with a soft smile. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure."
Wooyoung stepped in with the bouquet of roses. "Like I said earlier, I hope it’s not too soon but happy birthday.” He handed the bouquet to you and watched as you placed it onto your desk. After what just happened, Wooyoung really was like a breath of fresh air. He managed to ease your nerves while making your heart touched as well. "I heard what happened before I came too and I just wanted you to know that I believe you'd never do that to her without a good reason.”
Great, so did everyone believe you actually knocked the bottle out of her hands now?
"Thanks, but I really didn’t do it," you sighed, sitting on the edge of your bed, encouraging him to do the same. "I just wish my friend would believe me." You glanced down at your lap and picked at your cuticles. A part of you wished NingNing never planned this surprise party in the first place. Maybe then you’d still have your dignity and Seonghwa wouldn’t have humiliated you in front of everyone.
“I believe you.” The sound of Wooyoung’s soft voice made you glance over at him. He smiled genuinely and placed a hand over yours to stop your fidgeting.
“Thank you.” Your mouth went dry and you cleared your throat, avoiding his gaze. You didn't even have to look at him to know he was smirking.
"I like your room, by the way," he began, eyes taking in your walls full of posters and random pictures. You glanced around your room and it was a mess with all the decorations and stuff you hoarded. You couldn't help but think back to Seonghwa who always nagged at you to clean your room. It was definitely not a pretty room at all but you thanked Wooyoung anyway.
"Something catch your eye?" you asked, noticing how he was fixating on your shelves full of mostly romance books. You loved to read stories where people fell in love and got their happy ending. Because despite being cynical, you’ve always believed in true love and yearned for that through your collection of books.
"Do you read a lot?" He made his way towards the shelf and pulled out one of your dark romance books, flipping through it. Out of all the young adult and thriller books you had, why did he have to pick the one with the most explicit content?
"I try." You nervously chewed on the inside of your cheek. "But don't be impressed or anything. It's just romance stories, some thriller here and there, nothing educational." You let him do whatever until his eyes began to scan a page and he smirked, raising his eyebrows at you. That was when you snatched the book from him, realizing that out of all the pages he could've flipped to, he managed to land on a scene where the two main characters were being intimate.
"These books seem very educational to me. They’re fun," he teased. "Is this the type of stuff you're into?" He could not stop grinning as he stared at you. For the nth time that night, you were embarrassed, feeling heat rush up to your cheeks. You chose not to respond as you slipped the book back to its spot on the shelf. “Oh come on, I was joking,” he exhaled, “Are you mad?”
“I know. And I’m not.” You avoided his eyes.
Wooyoung chuckled before pushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You're cute when you're shy, you know that? And since I haven’t told you yet, you look absolutely beautiful today.” He then cupped your cheek, forcing you to meet his eyes. “Should we go outside again? I bet your friends miss you. You are the main event after all. Birthday girl.” His breath hits your skin and your swallow was thick. A smirk tugged at his lips before his hand fell back to his side and he stepped back, leaving you absolutely flustered.
After a few seconds you finally managed to think again. You took a deep breath before leaning against your bookshelf. "I know I can't hide in my room all night but it was just so embarrassing how my friend took her side when he didn't even bother to ask me what happened. Does everyone really think I’d be that petty to knock a beer out of her hands? It’s my apartment after all and I’d be the one that’ll have to mop up the stickiness later.” You rambled, hoping Wooyoung would at least take your side.
“They’re your friends aren’t they? I'm sure they'll understand if you explain the situation.”
“It's still embarrassing,” you groaned.
Wooyoung reached for your hands, pulling you closer towards him. His breath fanned over you as he softly asked, “Do you trust me?”
“I barely know you.”
“Then get to know me." His eyes flickered between your lips and eyes as he wets his own lips. You were almost sure he was going to kiss you as he stared at you. But he didn’t. The only thing you felt was the squeeze he gave your hand. “What do you say?” he mumbled.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you smiled back at him.
Wooyoung then reached for the door knob when it abruptly swung open, causing you to jump, your free hand flying to your chest to calm your beating heart. Wooyoung was calm amidst it all and let out a small chuckle at how easily frightened you got.
Upon seeing who it was, you grimaced. Never have you actually been more annoyed to see Seonghwa. "Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend right now?" you asked, bitterness laced in your tone.
“We need to talk," he insisted, ignoring your question. His eyes drifted to your hands that were currently intertwined with Wooyoung's and he cleared his throat. Avoiding Wooyoung's presence, he only looked up at you. “We weren’t done talking earlier.”
“What's there to talk about?" you genuinely asked as you let go of Wooyoung's hand. "You won’t believe anything I say anyway so why don’t you just leave?”
“Can we talk alone?” Seonghwa was unyielding, glaring at Wooyoung now who heaved a sigh. You could tell Wooyoung was the type to bark back but for some reason, he held off.
Wooyoung took the hint and smiled at you before leaning towards your ear. “I’ll be waiting outside when you’re done.” And something about his low voice gave you butterflies.
When he left, Seonghwa turned back to you with the look of an overprotective father who caught a boy sneaking into his daughter’s room. “So what? You and him made out?”
“None of your business." You crossed your arms against your chest. “Just say what you want to say and leave.”
“Fine. You should apologize to Seolhyun, you made her cry.”
You scoffed, as if it was your fault.
At this point, you didn’t even care to be affable anymore. Not when he was acting like he was the boss of you. “Is your hearing okay? I meant it the first time, I’m not apologizing for something I didn’t do so you’re wasting your time with us ‘talking’ because I can assure you, this conversation will go nowhere.”
“Why do you always have to be so stubborn? You know I like Seolhyun so just why can’t you try to be nice and get along with her? You used to be so supportive for me, what happened to you? She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“I still am supportive for you." Your brows pulled together. "I really didn’t spill her drink though. She did it herself.”
“You need to stop lying.”
“I'm not lying." You were raising your voice at a wall at this point. "Just why can't you believe me? You didn't even bother to ask for my side of the story before running to her. You've known me for over two years now while you barely know her yet you just trust everything she says? How do you think that makes me feel?"
“Not everything is about you.” He exhaled. “Look, I wasn’t going to say anything, but you’ve been different the past week. You’ve never been like this before.” He rubbed his temple, seemingly in a train of thought. “It's because of that Wooyoung guy isn't it? I knew it was only a matter of time before he’d rub off on you.”
“What does he have to do with this? I’ve only known him for a week so he hasn’t rubbed shit on me. And for the last time, I didn't spill her drink. We were just talking about you, she said she liked my necklace, and then she just dropped the beer herself.” Your blood was boiling with how he wouldn't even listen to a word you said. It was like Seolhyun had him wrapped around her little finger.
“That's not what she told me." He crossed his arms against his chest and pursed his lips.
“Well it's the truth." You clenched your jaw. You were all worked up now, and before you could even filter your thoughts, you just spoke your mind. "She’s a liar Seonghwa, just when will you realize it? But then again she's pretty so of course you'd do anything to get in her pants even if you know I'm right.”
“So that's why you've been acting like this?" He lets out a small laugh, tilting his head back as he poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue. "You're jealous that she's pretty? Is that why you knocked the drink out of her hands? That's real low Y/N, even for you."
"Trust me,” you fumed. “I am not jealous of her." It was a lie, but you weren't about to lose the argument now.
"Doesn’t seem like it to me.” He lets out a deep sigh. “I'm really trying here but you just keep lying. All we do is bicker these days Y/N. What happened to us?"
"I could ask the same."
Seonghwa nodded before snapping. “You know what? You were right, this conversation is useless. Let's just end it here because it clearly isn't going anywhere. I don't know what happened to make you like this recently but jealousy and this new attitude of yours isn’t a good look on you.” He looked you dead in the eyes one last time to say, “Happy fucking birthday,” before slamming the door in your face. Seonghwa rarely cursed, so when he did, that was when you knew that he was really mad. Although you said some mean things too, it was only because he was being unfair. You felt so betrayed.
So much for your special day, you thought. And you didn't even need to confess your feelings to him for the memories of him to taint your birthday.
You never thought loving someone could hurt so much. Tears filled your vision as you stumbled to the edge of your bed. You felt like your world just collapsed because for the past two years, Seonghwa was the constant in your life, the one you went to for advice, the one you leaned on.
And now he was someone else’s.
-
[ Series Masterlist | ⇨ Part 3 ]
Taglist- @thunderous-wolf @kookley77-blog @huachengsbestie01 @tinyteezer @vnessalau @potatos-on-clouds @minghaoslatina @dmnspiit @wallaiea @vampzity @yunhogrippers @cookiesandgravy @stfu-rina
A/N- Sorry for taking forever to update if anyone is even reading this lol. Also peep the NCT quote if anyone caught it hehe. Anyway, take care everyone and remember to drink lots of water, love you all <3
#seonghwa angst#wooyoung fluff#seonghwa fluff#ateez fluff#ateez angst#wooyoung angst#seonghwa x reader#ateez x reader#wooyoung x reader#wooyoung scenarios#seonghwa scenarios#ateez oneshot#ateez fics#ateez fic#ateez imagines#seonghwa imagines#wooyoung imagines#ateez scenarios
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https://twitter.com/Elizabeathof/status/1786741799345656150?t=tcjcoF3QJ3RVZBD8p2GWnw&s=19
Can you write about retired Konig who now lives in the country, walk pass the wood and accidentally catch reader like the video above and...well, you know, they fuck=)))
Imagine how lucky he would feel coming across reader. Also how lucky reader would be to come across a man like König. The one man I'd be okay seeing in the woods🤭😮💨🐻
Retired!König x Reader (fem)
MDNI🔞
Master List
>cw: fem/afab, voyeurism, p in v, oral, filming
1.4k word count
🌲
Once König had turned forty-seven, he decided it was time to retire. He had put thirty years into the service. It was about time he settled down and lived life. With some of his money, he paid in full for some land out in the county. It was 20 acres with a pleasant home on it. Part of the land was a heavily wooded area. It was perfect for him to start his new life away from KorTac and being Colonel König.
Today was like any day. After König ate breakfast, he puts on his boots, and leaves out the door. It is a bright summer day, so he heads into the woods to enjoy the shade. Branches snap underneath his heavy footsteps.
He bends down to grab a big stick, hitting it against trees as he wanders. When he’s in the woods, it’s as if he is a kid again. He approaches his favorite tree to climb when something distracts him, looking around, wondering where it’s coming from. It sounds like a woman moaning.
He walks with soft steps, being as quiet as he can be. His eyes darte all over, searching for the sound. That’s when he spots a white car parked on the side of the road near the tree line. As he approaches, he can see a fully naked young woman; bent over with a little pink thing dangling between your legs. His cock gets hard as he watches your body shake from the pleasure you’re feeling.
As you lean against your car you moan out loud, breasts jiggling as your body jumps. You make sure the camera is picking it all up, filming it for your Only Fans account. Looking up with a flirty smile, you grasp your breast. Moans continue to spill from your lips until you turn around and see an enormous man just looking at you.
“Oh, my god!” You jump, eyes wide as you look at the man.
König steps forward slightly, but still gives you space. “It’s okay.” His eyes are taking in your figure. “What are- why are you doing this here?”
“I’m filming…for Only Fans…” You slowly pull the vibrator out.
“What is that?” König doesn’t go online much and is out of the loop.
“Um…porn.” A small chuckle leaves your lips.
A heavy blush fell on König’s cheeks as he heard you film porn. “Oh, well then. I’m sorry to have interrupted.” His eyes gloss over your body once more. “Be safe out here.”
You look up at him, his eyes gazing into yours for a moment. He is a huge, older man. Good looking… it would be risky, but you’re filming porn, right? Might as well make it interesting.
“Excuse me, sir?” You call out as he walks away from you.
“Hm?” König turns to face you again.
“What’s your name?”
“I’m König. And you are?”
“I’m y/n. I was wondering if…” Your eyes drop from his icy blue to see the erection straining against his pants. “You’d like to film with me?”
König stood there appearing stoic when inside his heart began to beat 100mph. “Film?”
“Yeah, like sex. Of course, if you don’t want to-”
“I do.” He quickly cuts you off.
You smile, turning to your car to go into your glove box. Pulling out a condom you turn back to face König. He nods and grabs it from you, looking slightly nervous. You walk to him and begin to reach for his belt buckle.
“Is this okay?” You ask in a low sensual voice.
“Ja…” He watches as your small hands work on his pants and pull them down. A cocky smirk appears on his lips as he sees your reaction to the size of his dick. Your eyes go wide as you kneel before him with his cock in your face.
Grasping it, you begin to stroke him gently. König lets out a sigh and looks down at you, caressing the back of your head as he gently pushes your head closer to his cock. You open your mouth and accept him in. Sucking on the tip as you continue to stroke him. König looks up into your car to see the camera recording. Feeling instantly bashful, he looks back down at you.
Slowly you lower your head down onto the shaft of his cock, beginning to gag yourself on his length. König lets out a soft groan, lightly pushing you down so you can go farther before pulling your head back by your hair. You look up at him with a string of spit connected from your bottom lip to his cock, a smile on your beautiful lips.
You slowly open the condom and hold it up to his cock, rolling it down his shaft. Both of you share a deep gaze as you do.
“Are you ready?”
König nods in response, watching you stand up from the floor. You barely come up to his chest, you’re so short. Turning around, you position yourself so that you’re leaning on to the car, ass sticking out. König’s big hands slide down your thigh to hold behind your knee, lifting your right leg so the camera can get a better view.
With his free hand, he grasps his cock and pulls the condom down a little more. He rubs it against your wet pussy before thrusting forward, pushing his cock inside. Once his head slips in, you ball your hands up into a tight fist, looking back at him as he pushes in two more inches.
“Oh fuck, your cock is so big.” You moan.
König’s pupils fully dilated as he looks at you. Feeling your tight cunt struggle to take him as you give him those eyes is all too much. His other hand moves to your hips, holding it firmly as he pushes his cock the rest of the way in. Your walls flutter around him, being stretched like never before.
He begins to roll his hips forward at a quicker pace; his pants falling down from his thighs to his ankles. Small grunts leave his lips as his eyes fall to the way your ass bounces off of him with every thrust.
Lost in the moment he drops your leg. Pausing his thrust to pull his shirt off, revealing his strong body. His skin pale and covered in scars, his body solid like rock from all the years in the military. The flesh on his stomach is a little softer now that he’s retired, making him look desirable.
König returned his hands to your hips and began to thrust into you at a rapid pace. The sound of his hips slamming into your plump ass echoing around you. He lets out an animalistic groan as his hand comes down and slaps your ass hard.
The feeling of his cock fully shoving into you, hitting your cervix, made you bend over more. Standing was becoming harder as you couldn’t keep up with his pace. Slowly you lean into the open car door. The camera capturing your face contorted in pleasure as you moan out, reaching behind you to hold his arm as he fucks you so ruthlessly.
“I’m going to cum!” You shout as your head drops, the camera picking up the ripples of your ass as König holds it up for him to fuck.
“Cum on my fucking cock.” He growls.
Your tight walls flutter again on his cock and squeeze him. König’s head drops back and lets out a loud moan. “Perfect!”
Once you’ve calmed down, he quickly pulls out and flips your body over in the seat. Leaning in, he licks both of your nipples before lightly biting one. He pulls away, slapping his cock on your swollen clit. Rubbing it back and forth quickly as your leg’s twitch. You reach behind you and grab the camera, holding it for a better view.
As you hold the camera to your pussy, he slips his cock back inside of you. Lifting your legs up and to the side, so he can push all the way in. When he feels something suddenly change. The heat and wetness of your tight little cunt feel 1,000x better. Looking down he can see the base of the condom with scrunched up rubber around it. This is when he realized the condom broke.
In a split second he decided that he didn't care. He wasn’t going to pull out or stop fucking this pussy. Little did you know about König, he hasn’t had sex in a very long time, years actually. He has all this pent-up sexual energy and he plans on getting it all out on you. It's not every day a beautiful young woman readily offers themselves to you.
#konig#könig#konig x reader#konig cod#konig x y/n#könig x reader#konig smut#könig smut#könig cod#könig mw2#cod smut#konig x reader smut#smut#x reader#konig x you#cod konig#könig call of duty
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seeing you (for the first time)
pairing: non-idol!changbin x fem!reader
genre: fluff. long distance relationship.
warnings: reader gets picked up for a moment for a moment (spun around). food (brownie) mention.
word count: 1.1k~
daisy's notes: if u can name the musical song this title is taken from..... do u want a autumn wedding or-
Changbin tucked his hands into his pockets, and immediately took them back for maybe the fifth time in the past ten minutes. He couldn’t keep still, wandering from one spot to another, waiting as he watched people come out to the luggage claim. People came and went, and all he could do was be restless while Felix sat nearby, staring at his phone.
“She’ll be here,” Felix said. “She told you her flight took off. I checked—it landed here.”
Maybe so, but… This was the first time the two of you were meeting face to face. It felt weird saying he’d been dating you for almost two years now and never actually held you in his arms. Some people had doubts about the legitimacy of his relationship (none of his friends or family, thankfully), but Changbin knew how he felt about you. He knew how you felt about him, too. The two of you had plenty of long talks about it, always trying to be open about your feelings and figuring things out. Flights could be expensive, and taking off work wasn’t the easiest thing for either of you… But with enough time, the two of you managed to figure something out. He’d told you over and over that he’d come to you if you wanted, but you wanted to come see him.
“Chances are, if one of us ends up moving… It’ll be me,” you had said with this bittersweet smile on your face. At the time, Changbin didn’t know the full story. Since then? He agreed with you, but only if moving to be with him was what you wanted.
Was it silly to be so worried for you? He knew your flight was here, even without Felix telling him—he’d checked himself a few times. He sighed, slowing to a stop as he turned to Felix. But what if she doesn’t like me when she sees me? You’d seen his face the same way he’d seen yours so many times by now, but the fear still remained. He opened his mouth to speak, only to find himself unable to. It felt silly to say it out loud.
But Felix knew. He’d had this conversation with Felix before. He stood up, hand resting on his bicep as he gave it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s okay,” he said quietly. “She loves you.” He glanced at the little bag sitting on the bench beside him. “... Do you think she’ll like my present?”
Changbin reached out, just to brush his fingers over the tissue paper. “I told you, she’d like anything you get her,” he looked at Felix. “Didn’t you just bake her brownies?”
With a soft chuckle, Felix picked up the bag. “I promised her I would.”
Changbin lost count of how many video calls the two of you had that Felix popped in, announcing something he’d been cooking or baking. He’d promised to bring you something, and that something ended up being some of his brownies. It was a sweet gesture in Changbin’s eyes. Felix had always been fond of you and supportive of your relationship, and you liked when he’d pop into calls for a few minutes—usually as a result of Changbin having to step away for a few minutes.
Felix tapped his arm a few times, nodding ahead of them. All at once, Changbin’s world changed as he turned and saw you. The two of you looked like polar opposites today: he’d been in all gray and black, while you were in softer pastels and light gray, dressed as comfortable as you could be. You slowed to a stop, staring at Changbin for a moment before taking off at a full force run. Should he run to you? Wouldn’t that cause a scene? With a hard shove from Felix and a firm “go to her!”, Changbin stopped caring and hurried to you. You threw your arms around him, and he lifted you up for just a moment, spinning you around happily before setting you down again.
“Binnie…” You stepped back, hands resting on his biceps as you took in the sight of him.
For a moment, it was like you couldn’t believe your eyes. Changbin understood the feeling well: it felt surreal to have you right there in front of him, too. He wanted to kiss you, to hold you, to go places he’d been telling you about. Instead, he just stepped forward, taking your face in his hands.
“Happy birthday,” he said, smiling at you. “I’m glad you’re here.”
You just wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tight as you smiled harder than you’d ever smiled. He hugged you back, just content to hold you for a little longer. The moment Felix cleared his throat behind him, Changbin snapped back to reality. Airport. Public. Shit. He pulled away, turning to Felix.
“Sorry,” he said. “Felix—”
You just stepped toward Felix, opening your arms for a hug. Immediately, the joy was apparent on Felix’s face as he moved in to embrace you. He smiled, squeezing you tightly for a minute.
“Hi, Felix,” you said with a giggle. “It’s nice to see you.”
When he pulled away, it was to push the bag toward you. “These are for you,” he said, and then he looked at Changbin. “I’m gonna go get the car.”
Changbin knew what this was: I’ll give you two a moment. So he turned to you, taking in the sight of you once more as he smiled.
“You know…” You turned to face him. “I know how much you work out. But it’s definitely a different feeling, y’know, feeling it.”
He chuckled, reaching forward to brush a strand of hair from your face. Yet he stopped for a moment, unsure if this was a little too much too soon. He went for it, watching your face to gauge your reaction… Only to find himself smiling back at you when you leaned against his touch. Then, all at once, you began to sniffle. The tears welled up, and he could feel it, too. His chest tightened as he fought against that urge.
All too quickly, you were back in his arms to try and hide how your emotions were overcoming you. “I’ve—I’ve been dreaming about this,” you sniffled, tears already streaming down your cheeks. “Binnie…”
He let the tears run. No point in fighting it. Not when he was with you. He just pressed a kiss against the side of your head, squeezing you tight. “I love you,” he said, the easiest thing in the world to say. Second easiest next to loving you.
You just laughed softly, so in love with him. “I love you, too.”
taglist: @twancingyunhao @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @jinnie-ret @cheesemonky
#wooahaes.fic#skz imagines#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#stray kids x you#skz x you#stray kids imagine#skz fics#stray kids fics#changbin fluff#changbin x reader#seo changbin x reader#seo changbin fluff#wooahaes.24
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skin shapes
pairing: spencer reid x bau!fem!reader
summary: after a hard case, spencer tries to comfort you by drawing shapes in your hands.
warnings: mostly fluff, reader is bothered by something but the problem is never really mentioned
author's notes: my first ever post here so i'm kinda nervous !! had to write this for my current spencer obssession, so enjoy! i hope you all love this <3
wc: 624
His mind was somewhere else.
The low hum of the jet engine was buzzing underneath him, although he could hardly feel it under his feet anymore. It probably would’ve bothered him if he was reading or playing chess with Derek, but it really didn’t matter right now. Spencer Reid was completely unfocused because all his mind could focus on was you, how your whole body gave in to exhaustion as soon as you left the accommodating precinct, how awfully quiet you had been for the last few hours, and how
“Kid?” He quickly shakes his head as he turns to Morgan, his thoughts fading for a second. The man had been by his side this whole time, discussing some kind of detail about the case. Unfortunately, Spencer didn’t pay enough attention to it to actually remember what it was. “You okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. I just got distracted.” He mumbled some kind of quick excuse, and Derek just brushed it off with a content hum. As Derek resumed his rant, Spencer couldn’t help but paint his gaze around looking for yours, lingering a bit on you as soon as he found it. He excused himself from his spot and marched towards you, leaving his friend behind.
“Hey.” He hoped he would've sounded a bit more confident, but his voice came out just above a whisper. It was loud enough for you to hear, though, he figured, as you looked up from your files.
“Hey.” You give him a soft smile to match your tone, gesturing to the spot next to you when you realize that he is too afraid to ask. Your body relaxed away when you felt the seat shift beneath you, warmth radiating from the boy beside you.
“Are you alright? You seem a little... off today.” He felt you tense under his innocent question and quirked an eyebrow. You felt him staring. He was profiling you.
“What makes you think that?” You quickly glance at him before turning your gaze away, scoffing something under your breath before speaking up. “Don’t profile me.”
“Oh, huh,” he blinked and sat up straight, a pinkish tone blossoming from his cheeks in embarrassment for getting caught. Muttering a soft “sorry” and looking away, you couldn't help but chuckle. “It's okay, Spence.”
You felt him staring again. Or more like observing, like he would probably defend. And you couldn't blame him, really. He was now getting a glimpse into a new reality of yours—one so different from the bubbly persona he was so used to that he didn’t know what to expect. For the first time in his life, Spencer didn’t have the knowledge to fix it.
“Do you want to talk about it?” You shake your head in response as you sink deeper into the leather seat, feeling as if your eyes are finally succumbing to sleep. He wasn't going to push it, either. Spencer doesn’t dare to move or make a sound, figuring you needed that bit of rest before you reached Quantico.
So, before his mind could really process his next move, he grabbed your hand and pulled it into his, squeezing it softly. Normal Spencer would tremble at the thought of holding hands, quickly bursting into a rant about how people are more likely to transmit infections than those who exchange a friendly kiss on the cheek and how hands are a critical link in the chain of infection because they transmit infections from surfaces to people and between people. Right now, he doesn’t really care. So he sticks to rubbing his thumb over your hand, softly brushing a heart over it, in hopes that you will feel his love radiating through it. And by the smile on your face, you probably did.
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in which i try to cut the clark family some slack
did not proof read this bear with me
@womp-womp-waa gift for u
"I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong."
Jessica started therapy 4 months ago. She figured it were for the best, with how much she was working. Regular breakdowns, stress and work was really starting to get to her, and she concluded it would be counterproductive to continue to ignore her problems. Recently, however, she has come with a new issue.
See her son, Aiden, was growing increasingly distant. She supposed she should have seen it coming, with how often her and her husband were away on trips. Jessica had figured he would be fine, he had several things to do. She had made it out just fine with her parents being away, why wasn't he?
"He has plenty to do, friends to hang out with, every gaming console I could find---" She cut herself off with a sigh, bringing one hand up to cover her face. "I know I work a lot, but theres nothing I feel like I can do. I don't understand why he's so distant. Theres extracurriculars, sports, everything of the like."
She stopped again when she caught on to the fact that she had been talking without pause. It was always good to take a break every once and awhile, as she had learned the hard way. Jessica loved her son, he was so talented and smart. And yet he never seemed to be happy.
The woman before her nodded slowly to her words. "What extracurriculars does he do?" She asked, avoiding Jessica's gaze in favor of writing notes on her clipboard.
A mental list almost wrote itself in Jessica's mind. "He plays soccer, he takes violin and piano lessons. Oh! And recently he's started archery," She began, mentally counting off whatever she could. "Honors classes, chess club, the schools student council---"
"And how old is he?"
"Aiden is 13."
"Doesn't that sound like a lot for a boy that age? When did he tell you he wanted to do all of this?"
Jessica took a moment to mull on that. Actually, when did he? Lots of them were originally her idea, he simply agreed to them. That was all she really took. A simple nod, a small agreeing hum. She took that and ran with it.
Her mind started to race before she could catch it. It was all for him, wasn't it? She wanted him to be successful, just like she was. She achieved it with hard work, and by taking advantage of every opportunity she got. That was all she wanted. She just wanted her boy to have a life full of potential she knows he has.
She shut her eyes.
"Am i overworking him?"
---
Jessica cried on the way home from that appointment. She cried often, but not like this. She always cried from stress, from how much she had to get done, it was all so much that she just broke down. But she got it done anyway, didn't she?
This time she wasn't sure. She was the cause of her child's problems, and oh how she felt terrible. She needed to fix this.
As she drove home, a memory came to her.
She was young, perhaps a little older than her son is now. She came back to an empty home, only getting a note from her parents that they would be back at an unknown time. Her room was a mess. Thinking now, Jessica didn't know why she didn't think to clean it. Only, at the time she had just come home from a club meeting, and immediately had to get ready for her softball game.
She remembered how exhausted she felt. All the time. About absolutely everything.
And yet, she had done the exact same thing to her son.
Jessica was failing him.
---
It was nighttime. She didn't know if he was still awake. She stood outside his door. She had been for five minutes. Would he even want to see her at this point? She had barely seem him today.
One knock. Then another.
Aiden was sitting on his bed when she came in. She didn't know what he was doing. It didn't look like much. Slowly, she sat down beside him.
"How was soccer practice?"
"It was fine."
He didn't sound enthusiastic at all.
Jessica took a moment to observe the boys room. It was a wreck. It ripped her heart in two.
"When is your next trip?"
"We leave next Friday." She mumbled. He only nodded, looking away. Jessica took a heavy breath. She needed to fix this.
"Why don't you come with us this time?" She spoke slowly, as if addressing a frightened animal she was trying to keep from running away.
Silence filled the room.
"I can't. I have practice. And lessons. I might have club meetings too."
Jessica found herself grabbing the boys hand. It was that time he finally glanced at her. He looked exhausted.
"Forget all of that. You work so hard, you deserve a break."
He was confused. Of course he was. Jessica had always been a 'work til you drop' kind of person. And it was catching up to her now.
"I mean---"
Aiden paused.
"I don't know."
Jessica leaned down and gave him a kiss on the head. It was something she mainly did when he was little. "Think about it, okay? We would love to have you with us."
Of course, there would be the plane tickets. And the hotel rooms. And adding a level of actual tourist activities, instead of just visiting the area. Maybe they could stay for a bit longer this time, and actually enjoy their travels.
When Aiden didn't reply, Jessica stood.
Before she could leave the room, she paused in the doorway.
"Sweetie," She ended up glancing back at him. "Do you enjoy soccer? Honestly?"
Aiden stared at her.
After some heavy silence, he shook his head no.
"What about lessons?"
More silent shakes of the head.
Aiden wasn't happy. And it was Jessica's fault. She was working him to the bone, and didn't even have the time to notice. She wanted to cry again.
"You don't have to go anymore, then."
That actually got something out of her son. Perhaps he perked up, or was just straightening his bad posture. Was she reading too far into this?
"Really?"
"If you really don't enjoy it, you don't have to go."
Jessica's mind was screaming at her to stop. A mantra of her boy's future crumbling flooded her thoughts. If he doesn't live up to his full potential, he isn't going to have good opportunities in life. What will people say when he suddenly drops everything?
Her grip on his door handle tightened. Aiden was more important. She forced herself to stop thinking like that. Her son and his happiness was more important than anything.
She glanced at Aiden again. He seemed to relax. Like a weight slid off his shoulders in one fell swoop. And, ever so slightly, so did she.
---
Aiden wanted the window seat. Of course, Jessica got the good seats for them, so they were by no means squished. She still sat near him though, watching him as he switched from staring out the window in wonder, to playing some sort of game on his console.
She wanted to connect with him. How could she? Jessica felt lost. Was she doing the right thing for him? How could she even find an entry point to start a conversation?
Her eyes drifted back into the game in his hands.
"What are you playing?"
He blinked at her, startled she even asked. "Uh, its called pokémon."
She tilted his head at him, waiting for him to elaborate. After a moment, he switched seats, coming to sit beside her. He showed her the screen, decorated in colorful pixels displaying what appeared to be two odd animal-but-not-quite-animals in what appeared to be a battle. Aiden started to ramble, telling her about types, and moves, and 'gyms'. Frankly, Jessica understood absolutely none of it.
And yet, she listened anyway. Aiden was smiling now, happily explaining every detail he could, showing her how the game worked and everything. To be honest, she had never considered videogames to be something that required strategy. Perhaps she was wrong.
Really, Jessica was wrong about a lot. But she was willing to learn.
#sbg#school bus graveyard#school bus graveyard webtoon#sbg (webtoon)#aiden clark#jessica clark#WHOOPS#DROPPED MY HEADCANONS#anyway#sbg angst#sbg fanfic
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Good morning from silly little drowsy me 😴😊
About...
"also horny all of the time so pretty much always erect or semi-hard😂😂"
Bc fighting and violence makes him extra horny.... BUT
Imagine that he has a temporary lover, a visiting lady maybe, and she is all soft and tender and loving with him and he lets her.... but after that violence or pain will just not do and he's like...
"You broke me!"
And she would have no idea what he's talking about but he drags her to his bedroom where a harem of women waits for him and he had his usual fun with them already but nothing works....
And the lady would still be confused af until he takes her hand to cup him and... nothing....
It would probably still take a moment for her to get over this scene and start to think properly but then she would just try "her way" (= a simple, tender, featherlight, softest kiss ever while pressed against him, holding him close to her as he practically melts in her arms) and he would be getting hard in an instant....
Then he is like, fine. "Take your responsibility, woman. We will marry today!" 🤭
Here I am, late to another ask😂
But I love this. I’m imagining that Feyd thinks this affair would be fleeting and quick, a fix of pleasure, and he doesn’t expect to become so infatuated with her. (It would be hilarious if she’s a Bene Gesserit and he swears she put a spell on him or something)
The lady would be nearing her stay and Feyd would start distancing himself because he can’t handle any emotion. The day of her departure he would try to bury himself into his concubines (literally) working up a sweat as he tries to fuck them until tears spring to his eyes. Feyd is frustrated because he just can’t perform, and it’s all her fault, so he storms to her quarters and drags her back to his where the concubines are waiting. Feyd would basically point to each man and woman and be like “look — look how hot they are. And yet I can’t fuck them. Because of you!”😂
And the lady would be very bewildered by this situation, blinking stupidly and trying to figure out why he’s angry and yelling at her.
Finally Feyd would demonstrate his sexual conundrum by grabbing a concubine by the face and kissing them before the lady. Then he would stride across the room to the lady and grab her hand and bring it to his still soft cock and look at her and say pathetically, “You have ruined me.”
The lady would understand finally and perhaps reach up to lay her free hand on his cheek. She would give him a gentle, reassuring kiss and in her palm she could feel his cock stirring, hardening beneath her touch. Feyd would then withdraw slightly and rasp, “You cannot leave me in such a state. I would like to take you as a wife as no one else will do.”
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Inarizaki team reacting to a ballerina s/o please. Like the had practice earlier and came late to their game, and they had to throw a sweater over their ballet attire to watch them play.
ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : kita, suna, atsumu, osamu, aran x gn! ballerina! reader
((i really liked the idea of them reacting to you arriving right in the middle of their game while wearing the ballet attire so literally all of them react to that happening, as well as some other headcanons ! i hope i did them all justice ! also excuse how late this was, i literally was fighting for my life trying to write this lmao))
┏━━━ ━━━┓
Kita Shinsuke
♪ always does his best to attend your recitals and watches you practice.
♪ if he cant attend, he'll always try to get a recording or meet you afterwards with a bouquet of flowers for your hard work.
♪ ensures you properly stretch and maintain a healthy diet, often meal preps for the both of you so he knows you'll eat.
♪ takes the time to research ballet techniques and moves so he can try to understand what moves you do when you dance and if you need practice on any dances
♪ secretly enjoys it when you come to watch him practice but worries when you arrive in ballet attire because he knows you're tired
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
The game had just reached a technical time out with Inarizaki reaching 16 points in the first set. The team had gotten off the court for a water break, but Kita had noticed you watching them.
He always seemed to notice the littlest of things. He jogged over to the barricade, drying his face. "You made it." He commented, giving you a big smile. "Of course, you know I'm always going to try and watch all your games." You say, and he finally notices your attire.
"Did you just come from practice?" He asks, and you can sense the lecture about heading home to properly change and taking time for yourself before going to watch his games coming, but luckily you were spared as Atsumu called him back over. "Good luck out there Shinsuke." You waved him off, but he refused to leave you without a quick hug.
The smell of his cologne lingered, and you finally got the chance to relax while you watched Inarizaki play and win the match. When they finished, Kita jogged back over to you with a smile on his face. "I thought you wouldve gone home and changed. That seems uncomfortable to wear." He notes, watching you shuffle in your spot.
" Well, I wont just pass on the opportunity to watch your game! You did amazing today, by the way. Now, we can both go home and unwind from today." You pointed out, and he sighed. The idea of walking you home and possibly unwinding with you, relaxing on the couch with a movie on after a long day seemed very appealing to him.
"Alright, let me grab my things and we can go home together."
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
Suna Rintaro
♪ has some of the songs you practice to saved so he can listen to it and imagine you dancing
♪ was he roped into being your practice partner because of his flexibility? yes.
♪ has several recordings of your practices and recitals and watches them when he misses you
♪ is guilty of ditching practice a couple times (but never any actual games) to watch you dance
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
It was one of those days where Suna just had to practice. Preliminaries were coming up and fast, and as much as he'd love to watch your graceful figure dance, he'd have to do that another day.
Thankfully though, you had other plans. Finishing your practice early had allowed you to finally watch him practice, and not the other way around. You never minded him watching you, your dance mates loved having him around, it just wasn't often that you got to see him practice and you were taking the chance.
You had reached the gym he was at, where he was in the middle of a practice match against another school. You stood by the doors, simply opting to watch while wearing your ballet attire and his hoodie. Just as the other team had called for a break, he looked over at you, and his whole face lit up.
He dashed over to you and engulfed you with a hug, hiding his face in your shoulder. "Thank god, these idiots were about to start driving me crazy." He whispered, and you let out a laugh as you hugged him back.
"Well practice finished a bit early for me so I figured I'd watch you practice for a change." You told him, and he eyed your outfit. "You should change, isn't that uncomfortable?" He asked, and you shrugged. "Nah, I'll just change after you finish practice for the day."
Before he could say anything else, Atsumu called him back. He gave you a quick hug before returning to the game, and you watched as he played intensely. It's almost like he was showing off. After the game, he practically ran to the lockers to grab his things, and was at your side in minutes.
"Let's go home and eat some jelly sticks, we deserve a treat today."
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
Miya Atsumu
♪ is your biggest supporter aside from your family, and definitely had missed a couple of practices to watch your recitals or practices.
♪ always comes with a sweet treat for you to enjoy afterwards, even if its not the best option.
♪ does his best to help you practice and stretch, uses that as an excuse to hold you tbh
♪ is always in awe about your balance and mobility, has picked up a few moves that improved his volleyball performance
♪ always coming handy with a comfy change of clothes or ice packs just in case!
♪ has a 6th sense for spotting you in the crowd, no matter what the situation is
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
He silenced the audience once more as he went to serve. His ability to practically mute the entire stadium for his serve still astounded you to this day. You watched as he performed another service ace, the crowd going wild.
It'd be rather rude if you tried to call for his attention while he was concentrated, and you were willing to watch him play.
That thought flew out the window when Atsumu whipped his head to smile and wave at you before his next serve. You jolted and waved back, wondering how he managed to see you. None of his other teammates were looking, and you started to think that he had a radar for your presence. You wouldnt be surprised if he did, considering he was somehow always aware of his brother as well.
After winning the game, he bounced over with a huge smile on his face. "Ya saw me win right?! When my serves practically knocked them over?! And ya saw mah sets to Samu and Aran?! And-" He rambled on about his game, as if you werent there watching. He finally stopped to take a drink, and noticed your attire.
"Wait, did you come straight from practice?! Ya shouldve gone home and changed first, and wait- is that mah hoodie?!" He exclaimed, turning red at the fact you had worn his hoodie. You smiled and just gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Well, of course I came right after practice. I'd never miss the chance to see you win Atsumu." You commented, wiping the sweat off his forehead with your sleeve. He grew bashful at that, trying to stutter out a response.
"C'mon blondie. Go meet back up with your team so we can go home."
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
Miya Osamu
♪ listens to your dancing playlist while he cooks!
♪ like atsumu, he brings you food after your practices and recitals (he usually cooks it!)
♪ very particular about ensuring you eat and will probably spend time preparing all your meals
♪ really enjoys it when you also watch him practice and come to his games, tries to hear your voice in the crowd
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
The game was practically over by the time you arrived. Inarizaki had the game in the bag, with a 7 point difference. Osamu had his head in the game, but no amount of concentration could make him miss the sound of your voice, cheering him on. Atsumu had taken notice and teasingly said, "Looks like yer special audience is here." The silver haired boy looked over to see you, in a hoodie over your ballet attire and a big smile on your face as you cheered for him.
Well damn, now he has the need to show off to impress you. Good thing he's already pretty good at that.
He spent the rest of the game doing just a bit more than usual and trying to be cool, which of course had you looking and laughing for the couple of goofs he did. After the game, he came over to you and rested his forehead on yours. "Hey, didja see me?" He asked, a bit too eagerly.
"Of course I did, couldn't take my eyes off of you when you show off like that, ya dork." You chuckled, cupping his face and watching him turn red. You could see Atsumu and Suna laughing at his embarassed state, with Kita and Aran trying to hide the fact they were also laughing. Dorks, all of them.
"C'mon 'Samu. You're sweaty and my muscles ache. Let's get some food, yeah?"
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
Ojiro Aran
♪ i feel like he took a couple of ballet lessons as a kid, so he knows a bit about some moves and helps you practice!
♪ this man would also give great foot rubs (i mean this in a non sexual way, hes just very caring)
♪ would gift you with ballet accessories to ensure you are as comfortable as you can be while dancing
♪ definitely tried to hide you from the rest of the team, along with his ballet past, but failed when you kept showing up to practice in ballet attire
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
To be frank, Ojiro was sweating. And not from practice. You see, Ojiro Aran is a very private person.
Sort of.
He's the straight man of the team, always forced into weird antics that makes him question his sanity. Truly, he wonders if he joined the circus instead of a volleyball team with how they act at times. It's partially the reason why he never tells him about his own personal life outside of volleyball. That, and they never ask.
You were one of those unspoken topics of his life. Don't get him wrong, he adored and loved you! But oh god if the others found out about you, the questions would be never-ending. And he already deals with so much from them.
So seeing you sitting with his coaches on the bench while he was playing had spiked his heart rate. Especially when he hears Atsumu say, "Who's the cutie sitting with the coaches?" The entire team takes a glance over at you, who just waves excitedly at Aran. The ace takes note of his hoodie covering your ballet attire, and suppresses the urge to stop and admire you. He can do that after he wins the practice match. But for now he needs to make sure that no one else tries to talk to you or hit on you.
He practically bowls over the twins as he makes his way to you after the match. "Hey beautiful love of my life partner whomst I love! Let me go and grab my things so we can leave!" He says a bit too loudly, making the others stop and stare at the two of you. His face was red, both from practice and him processing what he'd said, but it made you laugh. And as long as the others knew that you were his, he didn't mind the others knowing a bit more about him. The smile on your face as you got up to hold his hand was worth it.
"Sure, 'Jiro. Here's your water. You did very good today, ace. Now let's leave before the others start questionin' us, yeah?"
┗━━━ ━━━┛
#haikyuu#haikyuu inarizaki#inarizaki#kita shinsuke#kita x reader#aran ojiro#aran x reader#atsumu miya#miya osamu#atsumu x reader#osamu miya x reader#suna rintarou#suna x reader#lvndr!headcanons
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🧸🧃⛈️
#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset#bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard#nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc#nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time#in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me#(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply#also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T#i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol#i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot#why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days#many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk#but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie#yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it#hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours#then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do
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🫥
#random personal stuff#whining ahead feel free to ignore#after a little over two weeks with my family I guess it was hard today to go back to church here and#be reminded how easy it is to feel utterly disconnected for some reason#I have a small amount of friends whom I do very much appreciate#but otherwise it's like going through life in a glass case#which is probably my fault somehow#anyway I miss going to a smaller church (it got assimilated into this huge one)#and I miss smaller more intimate Bible study groups#there are more people around now whom it's not easy to be real or vocal in front of#(including the lady who once asked if I were one of the then-pregnant women and can't remember my name etc.)#and that's not their fault and they have every right to be there#it's just a different dynamic and unfortunately it's one that I haven't figured out how to be comfortable in yet#feeling like you belong with particular people is just really hard you know?#it has to be earned and proven and mulled over sometimes for years#before it's ever even believable#I got assigned a while back to consider why the whole disconnect thing#still drawing a blank#probably supposed to have an epiphany about what I'm doing wrong#if so can it be shipped a little faster because I don't have time for this nonsense
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I'm at the conspiracy theory stage of my White Collar hyperfixation.
In the Season 3 premiere (3.01 On Guard), Neal's tie is sliced during a fencing match and he's forced to put on a new one at the WC office. He puts the new tie around his neck, but then takes a file out of the rack on his desk and moves it to a different part of the rack before starting to tie his tie. Does he have a mirror or something hidden in his file rack??? Was this established or hinted at somewhere else, either in the series or in behind the scenes content? And if there isn't a mirror, then WHY DID HE DO THAT???
#today's episode of 'losing my mind about white collar' is brought to you by me trying to figure out the timeline for the warehouse explosion#I still haven't figured it out to my satisfaction#but as far as I can piece together the warehouse explodes during the day then there's a gap in time until nightfall#Neal arrives home at night/evening to find the key and go to the warehouse with the treasure#and then ends up with Peter and Jones for the lie detector test? which took place for 5 hours overnight in some other warehouse?#and then immediately afterwards he goes to meet Sara at a bookstore without changing his clothes?#and then finally goes back to his loft and talks to Mozzie#still in the same clothes#i think???#what happened in that afternoon gap after the explosion?#was it just cleanup and stuff?#what was Neal doing?#he says 'prove it' and then walks off all angry so I feel like he wouldn't have gone back to the office? but he didn't go home either?#or did he go home but Mozzie hadn't left the key yet but he didn't change his clothes and went back out again at some point?#like that seems overly convoluted#ha! overly convoluted. says the person thinking too hard about something that was probably just hand waved for plot reasons#eh whatever. I like overthinking. I'm having fun and that's what matters#also why did Peter and Jones do their interrogation so clandestinely#like I know Peter wanted it off the bureau's radar#haha radar - because 2.16 was called under the radar#anyways#why not at Neal's loft? why the warehouse?#like I acknowledge that the scene took place where and when it did for the *ambience*#however in-universe it puzzles me#but I'm also super oblivious and certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed so I might just be overlooking a really obvious solution#welp#white collar#episode 2.16#episode 3.01
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we have an especially bad migraine where I noticed us getting aura (mostly being pissed off and upset in a specific way) for several hours before it started and we've taken pain meds but I'm not sure they've actually helped. they have definitely given us side effects though and I feel very spaced out and nauseous and generally shit.
we've also had way worse ADHD symptoms for the last few days to the point of being pretty much unable to focus on anything besides like 2 things we've hyperfixated on. we've had so much trouble starting tasks and keep struggling to hold a train of thought or focus long enough to even figure out what we need to do each day despite having all our Habitica dailies to tell us.
our brain is all over the place and I'm not really sure what to do with it or what would help but it's just occurred to me that sometimes our ADHD gets really bad in the buildup to some of our worst migraines and now I'm just hoping that both the migraine and other shit ease off soon because I'd like to be able to function
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I've spent like 6 hours drawing today because we fixated on one piece of art that I originally started as a joke#but I probably had other tasks to do and I don't know what any of them were and I tried very hard to at least make a list or something#but just could not hold a coherent train of thought and got really overwhelmed every time I tried to think of stuff I needed to do#so I gave up after a while because I realised my options were to keep trying and failing and just get upset and start dissociating#and end up doing absolutely nothing while feeling really bad#or just go ahead and draw for as long as I can handle because our brain's fixated on it and at least I'd be doing something#and it's also nice to actually be able to work on art for any length of time after having such bad art block so far this year#oh I did also shower shortly after we woke up which was our main big task of the day I think so that's something to be proud of#our tourette's has been bad and that made it surprisingly difficult and it was kind of stressful and exhausting but we did it#it's also just occurred to me that our tourette's and ADHD and a few other issues have all flared up together#followed by a particularly bad migraine which is a pattern we keep noticing and first noticed back in December#and all these issues are known to involve dopamine but I can't figure out what exactly is going on#when it happens we also start getting sensory overload way more easily
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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computer how do i stop feeling insecure on my writting so that can i write. computer please
#talking tag;#ok so. story time sure why not#today is my first day of uni and i had classes from 8.30 am to 11:45 which was. fine i was exhasuted but it was fine#and then i had to wait to meet some friends for lunch and i started writting and it just hit me that totp is actually over 50k words#and it's like brooooo i literally wrote a novel length fic (that's still not done btw! not close!) and for whattt who even has the time#to read something like that like why bother. it's not even (directly) about the main characters and i just#i'm afraid that i'm repeating myself i'm afraid that chracters are not being developed like i hoped they would i'm afraid that no one will#care and i'm also afraid that the people that do care won't like it#and then i met with my friends who study cinema and they bumped into people from their classes and i was just.#there listening to their conversations without interacting like what the FUCKKK am i doing here pretending that i fit in with the cool#cretive people and that my prose is any good at all#just. 50 thousand words of fanfiction and i'm worried that none of them are any good#but lately my motto is that i will figure it out so. i will figure it out#i did cry about it (lmao) which i'm counting as progress from the empty nothingness i felt around this time of year a year ago#but yeah man it sucks. totp is my baby but (just like kim lmao) my default is being hard on myself. i just can't not be#i think i'll write on my diary about this and then!!! we move on. oh well#i will finish totp that's a promise but yeah. today just hasn't been great i guess#and i have no one in my life to talk to about this so!!!!!! shouting into the void i guess
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like hearing an autistic person talking abt realizing like "oh so friendships for some ppl don't involve always having to maintain a performance" and going damn right yeah and now "oh so friendships for some ppl involve their getting to expect that the other ppl will be interested in them and provide support" like huh go figure. more surprising like oh right i guess i always felt like interactions require maintaining a performance that can only go wrong (generally true; like there's no "well you're ruining things by keeping ppl from being the Real You so just Be Yourself" like a] masking isn't Real or done by Yourself or b] like if you unmask people like you now & ableism is over, b/c it was your fault for reacting to it in the first place) & thus also that i should be interested & provide support but not expect that in turn / the sense as well that you are/can only come up short and have things to make up for anyways while lucky whoever's even providing the time of day
then it's always an Exercise to go "oh right well beyond going [my god autistic character] the whole time, what Things re: winston billions was i still not quite seeing as as unusual / Not Good as they are. even for billions" like sure noticing he's holding on to the hopes of some kind of positive / actual relationship w/rian for like year 950 & this manifesting with the Determined Friendliness but zooming in like oh i guess that adamant amicability sure involves winston suppressing a negative reaction to negative treatment and yet still hoping for an improvement, which like, was always Possible but a) hinged on rian simply choosing to change how she regards/treats him (or someone intervening to change the situation) & b) apparently is not going to happen. thinking like yeah that's very Friendly of him. and knowing like man winston's sure still trying to keep this friendliness offer open for like two years. but also now more specifically going like Yeah and pretty fucked then that his baseline expectations don't include that Mutual Interest & Support (though someone being abusive is definitely interested just not in any good ways. and certainly not (actually) supportive)
#and then in immediate retrospect it's like I Mean I Knew It & even now to be saying it feels like i've effectively already said it#just more precise/specific Language available. & where even if it's like [restating this one idea] that's gonna say smthing new / a bit dif#winston billions#from the [immediately going HM HUH first time seeing his clips but taking months to be like He's Autistic(tm) Btw IMO] to now struggling to#say another Ay Word in discussing [he has a devoted workplace bully] as Abuse(tm) when plenty of what's abusive is considered ''normal'' or#correct or even Ideal while defining Abuse as xtreme outliers due to evil intentions & extraordinary situations (that you should avoid)#it's power structures & efforts to control & use/refuse people as things....plenty of ppl who can feel they're just acting Normal & Natural#while other ppl in entire groups Do have to perform which can only go wrong & be hurt / get that everyday trauma from their Normalcy.#those allistic social skills huh (again tldr invoking this concept just Is ableism....)#after a casual twenty plus years w/the gradual convergence of [figuring out i'm autistic] & [not blaming myself for being mistreated b/c#i'm autistic] does put a damper on expectations re: all interactions but it's like the way someone put it the other day#who hasn't said anything abt being autistic but that they don't think anyone's guaranteed any kinds of relationships/companionship incl#friendships (which i agree with; & it's not at all uncommon for ppl to be hard up for those out here. despite ppl treating socializing like#a meritocracy like hmm anyone doesn't have friends? sounds like that's on you not getting good / deserving that) & so he consciously#navigates how to like be genuinely satisfied w/a life that's just got him in it while being open to other ppl. thinking of how i've heard#abt Just That re: autistic ppl (but framed specifically re: dating; like might want a romantic relationship but ofc no one's guaranteed one#of those either (even if this too is definitely treated like in fact you Are guaranteed one & it is Again a meritocracy) And ofc there's#more barriers/hurdles for autistic ppl) & just going like yeah i've sure been always navigating that too while being open to ppl sure but#not feeling like i need that to change & sure asf not focusing on Putting Myself Out There lmao. i put myself out there by existing & by#saying things & by trying not to try to preemptively appease/appeal to anyone. seeing another quote today abt how they're nonverbal & this#results in being regarded as hostile like eugh been there enough; classic [putting myself out there] dramedy of terrors from back in the#day as a teen living on college figuratively sprinting around trying to figure it out; both the Autistacity & Abuse lol. & racking up more#of the latter for the former while i'm at it....nowadays like. certainly recent successes in [spontaneous alignments of being friends] had#to start w/like weeks into months of i'm not expecting someone else to have interest & in fact Am expecting; if nothing else; them to#realize w/e interest motivates them to talk w/me to be mistaken or w/e. as i'm struggling not to mask / beating back efforts to actively#appeal to anyone. being duly surprised when after months they still feel like talking to me. & even then just kind of entering another#phase of ''well but still'' lol like when interactions have largely felt like Buying Time at best#def on the same page as that guy like even [have friends] is not a Need. when i could go ''time to recharge socially'' & make it happen#what i like to do is go be in public '''''by myself'''' around ppl. truly the good shit. doing that kind of shit w/ppl has = nth wheeling.#now insert a short essay spinning off all this abt an approach to Language parallel to [concepts re Socializing] as tag thirty
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