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#i was gonna talk shit about tri in that last paragraph but i was meh 6 points is enough man
ae0nx · 4 years
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SUPERPOST: DIGIMON ADVENTURE: LAST EVOLUTION (KIZUNA) RECAP/REVIEW SPOILERSSSSSS
SPOILER ALERT I WILL BE GOING INTO DETAIL. SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER.
I’m not gonna do a blacktober/drawtober today, but I willlll rant about Digimon, because nothing ever really changes. Ok, I’m tipsy and I feel like everyone and their mum has watched Kizuna now so I wanna finally express my feelfeels on it. Let’s goooo
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Ok, so I love how this movie opens especially as an old school fan.
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It’s perfect. I love the solid feeling of ‘finality’ to the series that we never got to see in Tri... (I’ll try not talk shit about Tri in this recap but it’s gonna be difficult, I’m sorry)
- We got that call back to the original soundtrack! The only time in life I will tear up at hearing Bolero.
- I adoreee the animation and designs in this movie. It feels so much more diverse (in terms of facial features) than Tri did without even trying really. The facial expressions are so much characteristic and there’s less awkward spacey moments. It’s nice! (Ooops, mentioned Tri: Count 2 haha)
- While I was a bit disappointed with the digidestined outfits when they were first released as still images, they do look a lot better in action and they fit in well with the world that is built. But Taichi swapping sneakers for sandals? Seems false lol
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Taichi’s anxiety about the destruction. Nice to see continuation and character development. We love him~~~
- The Parrotmon vs Greymon + Angemon + Angewomon fight looked dope and was a nice call back/development. The electricity and fire looked amazing and honestly had me hyped. A lot of fight scenes in this movie did.
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Haha, of course Yamato had to come in looking unnecessarily cool on his fancy new bike only to talk shit about Taichi. We love him too, goddammit lol
- It totally makes sense that the two pairs of siblings and Koushirou would be the most actively involved out of all of the digidestined tbh
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The movie opening theme being set to the original ‘Butterfly’ was great, and in a weird way reminded me a little of the Cowboy Bebop Movie opening theme - except very much in the style and world of Digimon Adventure
- The digidestined are public superheroes now? Makes sense, I don’t hate it~~~
- I love the montage of Taichi and Yamato going about their lives as people in their early 20s. Taichi mostly dealing with the pressures of adulthood. Yamato feeling nostalgic about the things he left behind in childhood (playing harmonica, being in a band)
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Ahhh, they can drink now! So weird, yet so fun haha
- It’s also really nice for my shipper heart to see Taichi and Yamato sit down and have a meal together without totally biting each other’s heads off. Shows how much they’ve matured!
- Yolei straight up was like ‘I don’t have time for this shit, Koushirou you deal with it’ 😂Mimi has taught you well, young padawan
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I was really hoping these two would be a better addition than Maki and Daigo (RIP) and they were! It’s almost like the writers saw Tri and was like... let’s do better. (Ooops mentioned Tri: Count 3)
- I reallyyyyy really sadistically like the concept of the Digimon and Digidestined’s connection to each other dying slowly the older they get and with the less necessary the Digimon become in the human partner’s life. Yeahhhhh, it doesn’t match up with the 02 ending but I’m personally not too attached to that ending so I don’t mind. A) it’s actually a plot point that makes me give a shit and B) it’s very much a reflection of life which Digimon Adventure has always been and C) it makes sense of the reason as to why Digimon gravitate to children
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DAISUKE! We stan a kinggg, with his dope sunglasses. I’m so happy the 02 kids are involved in this, even if it is kinda minimal.
- I love that they included the fact that the digital gates are basically like a free airplane ticket to anywhere in the world with a computer. It’s such a useful and cool concept
- ‘Burger Queen’ ahaha
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AHHHHHHHHH HAHAAHHAHA I can’t. It feel so wrong yet so... correct? Hahaha
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I’m sorry, my love for Gennai died with Tri. If it was old Gennai from Adventure maybe I would’ve felt a bit more nostalgic and loving. (Oops mentioned Tri: Count 4)
- I love the 02 kids basically being a smaller detective team that Chief Detective Yamato sent forth to do some investigating. It makes so much sense and we shoulda got this in triiiiii (I just wish we got this movie instead of Tri, I’m sorry Oops mentioned Tri: Count 5)
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Spy movie? I don’t hate it~~~~
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OK, DETECTIVE ISHIDA! (enter theme music which is most likely very dark and edgy and gothic with a hint of pop punk)
- Sora staying at home when Mimi is in the hospital seems... off... very off... but ok... ... ... I hate how they sidelined Sora in this movie. Why does every Digimon writer since Adventure hate Sora?!?!
- The act of Taichi literally shunning his future by switching off his phone to once again reach for his old goggles and old digivice is... poetic cinema
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Saw the switch coming but whoa 😳
- You know the whole concept of her creating an eternal Digital world was a cool concept until she called it Neverland
- While I really like Menoa and her being the villain, this isn’t exactly a new motivation. How many times have we seen human partners turn into villains after losing their Digimon, man?!?! Just more motivation into making me think this film is just fixing the mistakes of Tri (Oops mentioned Tri: Count 6)
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I really like this design! It might make my top 3 Digimon designs.
- You know... only in the Digimon fandom would a goddamn whistle make us all emotional 😭😂
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This movie is so pretty!!!!
- Wait... did Biyomon vanish and that’s why Sora wasn’t involved? 😢
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Wow. WOW. That goodbye... between Taichi and Agumon... and Yamato and Gabumon... was... ALL I WANTED/DIDN’T WANT. Seriously. As I said before, I really like the fact that this movie feels... final. Honestly, I don’t want grown up adventures with the Digimon - regardless of how mean that sounds. What’s unique about Digimon is how childlike it is and the separation between the Digimon’s childlike nature and the Digidestined was growing the older the humans got and it wouldn’t make full sense for the relationship between the two to go from friends and almost equals to parent and child. 
I guess I would’ve been more accepting of the Digimon staying a constant in the Digidestined lives if the writers touched on the theme of the Digimon being adult or baby whenever they like (or whenever they eat) and relating it to humans still looking after their inner child of curiosity and creativity as they get older. But that’s a pretty difficult concept, I’m still working my head around that haha
Also, Digimon has always specifically been a metaphor/real example for the joys and hardships of childhood. While it’s super sad, I’m glad we got such a nice send off!
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jgukmilk · 3 years
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he won’t know 03 (m) final
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➔ summary: after weeks of hiding from the world, your friend, Mina, finally convinces you to crawl out of your cave and join her at a friday-frat party. You definitely didn’t think you’d end up with the person you had spent several weeks trying to avoid. 
➔ pairing: Jungkook X Reader
➔ genre: cheating!au, smut, angst if you squint, much deserved fluff fucking finally
➔ warnings: mention of sexual assault, unprotected sex, soft sex because i’m a whore for that shit, jungoo is the one crying in this part, jungoo being a soft idiot nothing out of the ordinary, fingering, oral (f. and m. receiving), handjob, fingering, mild dirty talk, cervix kisses :), cum eating, throat fucking•_•, runny mascara because it’s chef’s kiss, soft dom jungoo, a really lame biology pick up line at the end that i am pathetically proud of, that’s it..? it’s unedited btw :P
➔ wordcount: 8.3k
➔ a/n: this was a bitch to finish but holy fuck. hope you enjoy ;) feedback is always appreciated !
part 1, part 2, part 3 final.
It had officially been seventeen and-a-half days since Jungkook came to visit you at your dorm, only to end up in you crying your eyes out in front of him and shove him out of your room.
Mina came home later that night and questioned your tear-stained cheeks. Did you tell her? No, of course not. You brushed it off and convinced her that you were having a hard time with the breakup with Jaehyun, that everything was still so fresh, and you simply just needed time. Though that was as far from the truth as it could possibly be, she believed you regardless which you were thankful for.
You didn’t miss Jaehyun, not one bit. You hadn’t seen him after your last encounter, and you thanked your stars daily. To be honest you weren’t given a chance to run into that asshole since you had reduced your time spent outside of the dorm.
Your schedule pretty much consisted of wake up, go to your classes, come back to the dorm, study, eat, sleep, repeat. It sounded like one of those shabby T-shirt every twelve-year-old would wear back in middle school and show it off for being ‘quirky’.
You weren’t complaining, you preferred things this way, for now at least. Though you couldn’t deny that you missed your friends, but you needed some time alone and you knew that, so to distract yourself from missing your friends, what better way to do so than studying till the ass-crack of dawn on a Friday night.
Fridays were the only day of the week you could spend peacefully unbothered. Every other day would consist of countless texts and calls from your friends asking about your whereabouts and why they almost never saw you around campus anymore.
To which you told them you were busy studying and thanked them for checking in on you. It wasn’t a complete lie, you were, in fact, busy studying. They never saw you because, you were always on your desk burying your face between the pages of a textbook. What you didn’t tell them was that you were so far ahead with the curriculum that you could go a whole two weeks without even touching any of your books and you wouldn’t be behind.
You never realized how much you had read ahead until a few days ago when your biology professor had only begun to teach you about DNA replication, transcription and translation. You had already covered half of it. 
Your professor always did say that the unspoken rule of studies was to always read ahead. Though you didn’t think he meant to this certain extent.
You hadn’t felt academic stress in a while due to your habit of studying so much, and you were happy about it of course, but holy fuck, you were so bored, and it was starting to get to you.
“Y/N!” perfect timing for your best friend to break you out of your thoughts. Mina happily pranced through your shared dorm room and over to you, “Mina” you said back, smiling, although not in the same enthusiasm, meh – A for effort. 
“Oh my god, you’re actually awake,” she said, placing herself on her bed while remaining eye contact with you.
“Well yeah, I have some topics I still need to cover before I go to bed,” Lies. You certainly didn’t have any topics you needed to cover. You would’ve gone to bed if you knew Mina was coming back to the dorm so early. It was Friday night after all, which meant that Mina was out partying with the rest of the guys. Not today, apparently.
“Isn’t there a party today?” you asked, flipping through the pages of the book in front of you, pretending to read through the paragraphs that seemed like nothing more than dull words.
“Well… yeah, but, I figured I’d rather spend my night with you – you know, since it’s... it’s been a while,” you immediately stopped fiddling with the paper, “oh,” was all you could say. “I-I mean, if you wanna study, you totally can! I don’t want to interrupt or – or anything.” You shook your head, “no, no… uhm, I could use a break anyway.” Her face relaxed.
“So… how’ve you been?” you looked around the room, “I’m okay, just studying, nothing else really,” you reassured her “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” she said, barely above a whisper, however you could still make out the melancholic tone hidden behind her voice.
“yeah… I’m sorry, I’m just – “
“studying? Yeah that seems to be your entire world lately.” She cut you off, her voice a little louder than it was previously. You opened your mouth to respond but – “Y/N c’mon, I know I haven’t necessarily been with you physically lately, but I’m not oblivious. Our exams are in a couple of months and you’re studying as if they’re tomorrow.” She explained all in one breath, “the curriculum this semester isn’t even that content-heavy, even the professors told us we could take it easy.”
“where are you going with this?” you asked in a weak voice. She seemed to have you all figured out. You truly underestimated how well your best friend understood you. “I just want to know why? Why are you avoiding your friends… why are you avoiding me?”
And then it came back. Everything you had been trying to avoid for the past two weeks came back. Jaehyun, the cheating, the assault, Jungkook. You began to feel your eyes stinging, subconsciously you averted them towards the ceiling. “Y/N, there’s something you’re not telling me. I want to help, please let me help.”
You made your way towards the bed, seating yourself next to her, “is this about Jaehyun? Do you miss hi–“
“No, God no I don’t, I’m so happy he’s out of my life,” she looked at you perplexed. And so, you told her. You told her absolutely everything, all the way from Jaehyun trying to touch you when you were trying to explain yourself to him, to the conversation you had with Jungkook in your dorm room several days ago.
“I’m gonna kill him,” you swiftly reached for her hand as you saw her attempt to rush out of your shared dorm, “no! I… It’s over now, he’s out of my life, there’s no reason to go look for him.”
“Of course there is! Why didn’t you–!” She yelled, however quickly stopped herself to calm down. “Why didn’t you tell anyone? He’s getting away with this when he deserves to rot in hell.” It wasn’t that simple. You never wanted to see him again, and telling any form of authority about what had happened certainly meant you were going to cross paths with him often.
Plus, it wasn’t even likely that they would’ve believed you, after all it was your word against his. There was no physical evidence of what he had done. You had your ripped clothes but you threw those away the day after the incident, you never wanted to look at them again and be reminded of this crap.
Then you had the bruises on your wrist, but Jaehyun could easily say that you guys had been into some sort of bdsm to make them believe him. They were also healed now, so there was no evidence at all to secure your side.
“I don’t want to constantly be reminded of what he did, I just want to move forward. Please, you can’t tell anyone.” Your voice cracked at the end, in which Mina reached out to hold your hand. “I don’t want anyone to know,” you cried.
“I’m so sorry, bug,” Mina rubbed your back empathetically, in a subtle attempt to calm you down. Though Mina tried her best to not scream at the top of her lungs, spitting out every profanity to curse Jaehyun. This wasn’t about her, and she knew that very well.
All she could do was comfort you and listen to everything you had bottled up for weeks. “You know what you need?” she smiled at you gently. You sniffled, rubbing your red, tear-stained cheeks, “what?”
“You need fresh air, to doll up and feel good! We all miss you so much Y/N, I don’t want you to spend another Friday night in here alone by yourself.” You raised an eyebrow, silently urging her to continue, “Wooyoung’s parent are out of town for the weekend so he’s hosting are party.”
“And?”
“And we’re going!” she clapped excitingly, “no Mina I–“ she held both your hands tightly, puppy eyes were presented right in front of you, “pleaseeee, just for an hour, you can leave after that if you don’t like it.” 
You thought about it for a moment. You did deserve a break, you needed to get out of the dorm anyway, have some fun with your friends, maybe even get a bit of well-deserved alcohol in your system.
“Fuck it, let’s do i–“
“YES! Okay, okay I know exactly what you’re wearing.” She rushed over to her closet, rummaging through fabric after fabric while you silently watched behind her, seated on your own bed. “Put this on right now,” You didn’t get a good look at the clothing item she threw at you, all you knew was that the fabric was quite tiny. It was a beautiful dark navy and black fabric that was smooth to the touch.
It was a woolen, striped bodycon dress. True to its name – it looked very tight. You looked at her perplexed, “that’s me being nice. My other option was throwing you my skirt that would barely cover your juicy ass.” You rolled your eyes, but smiled nonetheless, “fine, what shoes with?” she pointed at your black high-top converse that were placed neatly by the door. Alright, black converse it was.
“Y/N?” was the first thing you heard when walking through the door, entering the crowd of drunks. Before you stood your friends, the friends you had missed oh so much. Jimin was the first to run to you, lifting you off the ground to swing you around, “Y/N!” He laughed excitingly. Right behind him stood Seokjin, “Okay, I’ve had too much to drink guys I’m starting see Y/N,” you couldn’t help but laugh, “Hi Jin.”
One by one, they each gave you a heartwarming hug. Wow, you missed them, and you didn’t even realize, “about time you got out of the damn dorm,” Taehyung complained, you playfully slapped his shoulder. “You don’t get to say shit, you rot in your own dorm just as much as I do when you don’t have classes,” smiling, he scoffed, “I have altered my ways, about time you did too,” you shook your head.
You hadn’t noticed that an hour had already passed by, and you didn’t want to leave one bit. Your night was just getting started. Looking around you spotted all your friends, all but two. Neither had you seen the entire party: Yoongi and Jungkook.
“Jin!” you loudly spoke through the banging music, “yeah?!” he replied, “have you seen Yoongi?” you cupped your mouth in attempt to speak as clearly as possible, “What?! No thank you! I don’t wan’t Oolong tea. There’s booze why would I want tea?!” You rubbed your face, dragging Jin’s ear closer to your mouth, “Have you seen Yoongi?”
“OW, Jesus woman.” He rubbed his ear, “He should be in the kitchen,” you thanked him, and apologetically smiled for almost ripping his ear off.
You skipped your way through the heavy crowd of drunk youth. Some of which even looked younger than that. A string of ‘sorry’ and ‘excuse me’ was heard from you as you pushed your way to the kitchen.
“Yoongi?” he turned around, seeing you. He eyed the drink in his hand that resembled the color of piss, “I’ve had too much,” the bottom of the cup now faced the ceiling, the remainder of the liquid spilling down the edge of the cup and down the sink.
“Okay, you guys really have to stop doing that,” you laughed.
“Y/N? What are you doing here?” The mint-haired boy asked in a monotone, your smile faltered.
“I’m happy to see you too?” your voice was skeptical. He seemed annoyed, which frankly, you didn’t understand. You hadn’t seen the man in well over two weeks, no way had he found a reason to be mad at you unless you had happened to eat the last lamb skewer in his dream. He always did love his lamb skewers.
“’M sorry, my head’s spinning,” instantly your suspicion was replaced with worry. You quickly made your way to the sink and filled a glass with cold water and handed it to him, which he gratefully accepted. “How’ve you been?”
You sighed, “you want the rainbow-sprinkled version or the one that was dragged through the mud, shat and pissed on,” he couldn’t help but chuckle.
“I’ll take the piss-stained version, thank you.” He placed the red, water filled plastic cup next to him on the kitchen counter.
“Rough couple of weeks. I’m doing better though, so that’s something.” You shrugged your shoulders. Yoongi listened carefully, gently tilting his head to the side anticipating for you to keep going, however you didn’t, that was all you were going to say. Yoongi wasn’t stupid, clearly something had happened to make you disappear for weeks, but whatever it was it had to remain unknown for him – he wasn’t going to push you to talk to him.
“And where’s Jaehyun been through all of this?” he speculated.
“Uhm, we broke up,” you tried to laugh it off. His brows raised in surprise.
“Oh, well, I’m sorry–“ your hands swung in front of you to shake them. To Yoongi, you had most likely looked like you were sad from the breakup, understandably so. Afterall that is the typical reaction to a breakup, isn’t it?
“Don’t be! My god, no. It could – I’m not –“ you closed your eyes, sighing gently, “It was for the best.”
-
“I’m not going, Tae,” Jungkook pinched the bridge of his nose with thumb and index finger, attempting to rub the non-existing headache out of his temples.
“Come on, Jungkook. It’s been a hot minute since you’ve partied with all of us,” a hot minute, was putting it lightly. Jungkook was currently in his own shared dorm with Taehyung, with a black DualShock controller seated in his lap – enjoying a game of overwatch shortly before Taehyung had dialed his number. Several empty packets of ramen placed randomly across the room. 
Different flavors of course. Variety was important.
“Can’t. ‘m busy.” Though Jungkook couldn’t see it, he was sure Taehyung had rolled his eyes through the other line. “Busy my ass,” Taehyung sighed, “you do this every week.”
“I wouldn’t have to do this every week if you would just stop asking,” Jungkook spat back, with a little more attitude than he had intended. “Jungshi,” the older friend started, “you can’t let this bother you forever,” he knew. Fuck, no one knew better than Jungkook that he couldn’t spend the rest of eternity sulking over this. Over you.
But no one knew how Jungkook was feeling either, every living fiber of his felt either conflicted or guilty. He couldn’t help but think that what had happened to you, was partially his fault – no, it was entirely his fault. Whatever Jaehyun had done was because of Jungkook.
Your words circled back and forth in his mind, day and night. Whenever he closed his eyes all he could see was your tear-stained orbs looking at him with so much hurt and hatred. Telling him to leave and that you never wanted to see him again.
All he wanted to do was talk to you, to know how you were feeling. Were you okay? Were you not? Jungkook had to make peace with the fact that he might in fact never get any answer for any of his questions. All he wanted was to see you, just for one small, useless moment.
He hadn’t seen you since that day. Frankly, it seemed like you had completely vanished from the face of the earth, even the guys hadn’t seen you. He managed to get a hold of Mina a few times, briefly asking of your whereabouts. She always tried her best to console and reassure him that you were okay, you were just always busy lately.
Busy.
You were always busy. Jungkook wasn’t stupid, he knew exactly what it meant: you were escaping.
Busy.
Oh, how Jungkook had grown to hate that word. How very hypocritical of him, he was mentally scolding you for using the lame excuse of being ‘busy’, all while doing the exact same behind the screen of his phone to his best friend.
“I just need time, hyung.” Jungkook tried to justify. “Time?” Taehyung scoffed, “You’ve had two weeks. I’m sorry Guk, but I’m not gonna sit around while I watch you completely lose yourself.” The younger slid further down the chair, staring blankly at the bright screen displaying the home-screen of his favorite video game.
“She’s here.”
Silence…
You… you were there? He could see you. Jungkook had a chance to see you. “Good to know,” was all he could say. “And you don’t give a rat’s ass?” Of course, he did, but he couldn’t because, “she doesn’t want to see me, hyung. If I show up, I’ll ruin her night. She isn’t hiding from the world anymore.”
“You can’t be sure– “
“Yes, I can,” Jungkook closed his eyes, a small exhale moved past his lips, “I can’t ruin this. Please don’t make me ruin this for her.” His voice was barely above a whisper. He felt weak. He couldn’t describe the growing urge he felt to rush over to whatever party you were at, just to see you. But he couldn’t be selfish. Not again.
Last time he acted selfishly he hurt you. He lost you. He wasn’t sure how it could get any worse – after all, you were out of his life, but Jungkook wasn’t willing to be daring, not if it meant it would hurt you again.
“Fine,” an extended beep was heard from the small speaker of the phone. Completely defeated, Jungkook gently threw his phone back onto his bed. Leaning back in his chair he faced the ceiling. He couldn’t seem to get himself to play another game, so shutting everything down, he went to get himself ready for bed.
Diving under the cool, fluffy sheets didn’t seem to be enough for Jungkook to knock out, which was odd. Jungkook could easily fall asleep anywhere on anything. One time he even managed to fall into a deep sleep after downing two 500ml Monster energy drinks. He had planned to pull an all-nighter with some of his online friends for a good few games of Valorant, the best way to do so was to shove an insanely unhealthy amount of energy drinks down the hatch.
He didn’t expect it to be so easy to fall asleep right away – he didn’t even remember walking over to his bed before dropping dead. But this, this was just frustrating.
He tossed and turned for what felt like hours, until when he finally felt his eyelids become heavy, a key was heard jiggling in the lock of the door. It must’ve taken Jungkook longer to fall asleep than he had anticipated if Taehyung had already decided to leave the party; that boy wouldn’t leave a party unless bits of the morning sunlight was peeking through the windows of the house of the host.
The door finally opened. Jungkook squinted his eyes, adjusting to the new light shining through the door frame. A black silhouette walked pasted the door. It wasn’t until Jungkook’s blurry vision had cleared up that he noticed a feminine like figure standing at the door. Not just anybody, no.
You. In fact.
Jungkook felt his heart begin to tie knots. He was dreaming for sure; there was no way you could just appear in his dorm of all dorms. But there you were, in the flesh. You gently clasped the bundle of keys in your palm, preventing them from making any further noise, taking soft strides through the room – you probably thought he was asleep.  
You quietly made your way over to Taehyung’s bed, opening the drawer of his nightstand. Jungkook’s eyes monitoring your every move went completely unnoticed by you. The poor boy was in awe, it was like you were an angel that had descended from heaven and blessed him with your presence. Frankly, in Jungkook’s eyes, you were an angel.
You let a small aha slip past your lips, in your hands was a turquoise polaroid camera. You neared the delicate camera to your face, making sure it was the right item through the darkness, and indeed it was.
About to make your way out of the dorm, your head turned slightly; in the direction of the boy that was currently sweating his balls off and his heart pounding like crazy. Fuck, did you see him looking at you? You must’ve, you wouldn’t look at him otherwise. Could you hear his heart beating through his ribcage? That has to be it, after all it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
He hurriedly closed his eyes, praying to the lord above that for once in Jungkook’s cursed life, the spirits would work in his favor. God, if you do this for me, I won’t fart on Taehyung’s head pillow anymore.
You slowly made your way over to Jungkook’s bed, with each step you took he felt a new set of sweat gather in his warm palms. He couldn’t feel anything, all he heard was the shuffle of his blanket. The blanket that was supposed to be on him.
While Jungkook had gone unnoticed to you, the absence of his soft, grey blanket on his body had been completely disregarded. He had tossed so much in his unreachable sleep that he had kicked his blanket right off of him.
Not only did Jungkook feel his body overcome in warmth, but his heart also danced at the thought of you going out of your way to cover him in his blanket. Your kindness really was out of this world.
No matter how many times someone had hurt you, you never failed to leave the ways of resentment and treat people with kindness. You were truly too kind for your own good. That was one of your qualities that Jungkook was most fond of, the world didn’t deserve you. it didn’t deserve an angel.
You on the other hand, were completely oblivious to the fact that the man in front of you was wide awake. You crouched down by the side of his bed, you really should get going, you weren’t supposed to linger for so long.
Your eyes trailed the sleeping beauty on the bed. He looked so peaceful, his long eyelashes resting on the top of his cheek, a few of the hairs grazing the scar on right side of the skin. His dark hair was sprawled over his forehead. His lips were sealed, but slightly pouty, they looked so soft. 
You couldn’t make much of his face, the only source of light being the moon light throw the window.
You hand moved on its own. Fingers trailing to the strands of the dark hair, moving the silky locks out of his face.
You wish things had been different between you. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t miss Jungkook, which is the exact lie you had been telling yourself for weeks. Even though he was right in front of you, you missed him. No, fuck. You couldn’t miss him, even though you wanted things to be different, they never could be.
You snapped out of your daze, removing your hands from his face, you stood up and turned your heel.
“Don’t leave.” You flinched, a small holy shit, was heard from you. Turning back around, you saw Jungkook in the exact same position you had left him in, the only difference was that his eyes were now open. The warm orbs you were completely dazed by were now looking at you.
You had to leave, but you couldn’t, your feet grew minds of their own, obediently staying in place.
Jungkook sat up from his bed, never breaking eye contact with you. He was now seated at the edge of his bed, hands on either side of his thighs, tightly clenching on the sheets beneath him in order to prevent himself from reaching out after you.
There was no exchange of words, you were both lost in each other’s gazes. You were clutching your jacket tightly, looking like a dear caught in head lights. You took a step backwards, gathering every ounce of power you had in your body to try and get out of there. You just couldn’t stay.
“Please,” his voice sounded broken. There it was again – the expression on his face you had never learned to read. His eyelids were droopy, eyebrows relaxed yet slightly furrowed.
He rose from his bed, testing the waters. He examined your reaction before moving any further. When he saw you standing completely still, he took a step forward; you didn’t move, so he took yet another step. That’s when you started to back away, you didn’t look scared or alarmed, so he continued.
This kept going until the back of your thighs met a desk you had failed to notice was there in the first place. You have got to start paying more attention to your surroundings.
Jungkook was now in front of you, eyes looking at yours, searching for any sign of uncertainty. But all he saw was sadness and hurt. His heart clenched in discomfort, because partially – if not all – of the hurt in your eyes was because of him.
He wanted to pour his heart out to you, tell you he was sorry for being an asshole. Tell you he would cut his heart into pieces and hand it to you one by one if that’s what it took to make you happy.
But he wanted to be cautious, he didn’t want to scare you off. So instead, he carefully, carefully, lifted his hand up to your face. The knuckle of his middle finger grazed the side of your cheek. You didn’t flinch.
He extended his fingers to hold your cheek in his palm, his thumb ever so slightly caressing the flush skin. It wasn’t until you leaned into his touch that he felt how warm you were. He could barely make out the light tint of a rosy color on your cheeks. Must’ve been from the booze you’ve ingested at the party, he thought.
Unbeknownst to him, you had barely had enough alcohol to call yourself tipsy.
Deep in your own thoughts, you felt Jungkook’s other hand slip around your waist, the fingers on your cheek descended down to accompany his other hand.
He was hugging you. His face was buried right in the crook of your neck, arms securely wrapped around your frame, fearing for his dear life that you were going to let go of him. His fragile soul couldn’t take it if you did.
You, however, couldn’t bring yourself to hug him back, not until you felt the skin on your shoulder grow wet. “I’m so sorry,” he breathed, barely above a whisper – audible to your ear, nonetheless.
He pulled away, his hands resting on your sides lamely. His eyes were glossy, the tip of his nose red, and a few tears had trailed down his cheeks, leaving stains of the salty water. “I’m – It’s my fault, all of it, I know I don’t deserve it but please forgive me.” he sniffled, “I know you hate me, and you have every right to – “
“I don’t hate you,” for the first time that night, you spoke to him. Your voice instantly sedated the distress in Jungkook. You wiped the tears streaming down his face with your cold thumb, which only caused more to fall. “You should… It’s all my fault.”
Although that had been your exact theory for the past weeks, you couldn’t bring yourself to believe that the statement was true anymore. You continuously blamed Jungkook for everything that had happened to you, but that wasn’t fair, you realized that now.
Because if Jungkook really was at fault, then so were you. After all, it takes two to tango.
“It’s not,” you tried to soothe the tremendous guilt you could recognize behind his doe eyes, it was the exact same guilt you had felt when you returned from the weekend at the summerhouse. The same guilt that had eaten every bit of your fiber. Blaming yourself for days for having cheated on your now ex-boyfriend who turned out to be the biggest piece of shit to walk the earth.
“You didn’t force me to do anything,” you admitted, “but that fucker – “ Jaehyun, Jungkook hissed.
“Anything that came after the summerhouse wasn’t your fault. Jaehyun showed me who he really was – an asshole in disguise,” at the mention of what you had been through, Jungkook’s grip on your sides tightened slightly. You knew he was blaming himself for what Jaehyun had done.
It wasn’t anyone but Jaehyun’s fault.
You cupped his face in both your hands, smiling softly, “please stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over.” You spoke to him, but also to yourself.
For the longest time you thought it was your fault, that if you hadn’t slept with Jungkook, that you and Jaehyun would still be happy and he would never had touched you like he did.
You and Jaehyun hadn’t been happy for a while, and if he hadn’t snapped you would’ve continued to date A-level garbage.
It took you some time to realize that it was never your fault, and it most certainly wasn’t Jungkook’s fault. Your stomach dropped at the thought of him blaming himself so mercilessly.  
He sniffled harder at your words, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorr–“
The kiss was soft. You could tell he completely froze against your lips. Your hands were still on his cheeks; the feel of the occasional tear grazed the skin of your fingers. It didn’t take long for him to melt completely against the plush of your warm lips.
His arms moved back around your waist, pulling you against him until you were flush against his chest. You pulled away. He followed you, refusing that’d be the end of your kiss. His pleading lips captured yours in a second kiss.
You wrapped your arms around his neck in an attempt to deepen the kiss, not having much room to move them any place else when Jungkook was pressing himself so hard against you.
“I missed you,” he breathed between the kiss “so much.” Fuck, if only he knew how much you had missed him, “I couldn’t bare not having you around me.” You hummed against his mouth, hoping he understood that you reciprocated.
You felt his warm tongue scrape against your top lip, pleading to have a taste of yours. You complied easily. Opening your mouth for him to explore the heavenly wonder that was your mouth.
You had kissed Jungkook before, but this felt different, it was softer, much more gentle. The gliding of his tongue against yours felt new, but so right.
You soon came to the agreement that kissing Jungkook was one of your favorite things to do. The slow dance of your lips increased the beating of your heart, you were sure he could feel it knock against his chest.
He lifted your body, as if you were a feather and seated you on the desk behind you, standing right between your legs. His hands resting on either thigh, gently caressing the bare flesh.
Your lips suddenly felt cold, opening your eyes you found Jungkook’s brown orbs staring right at you. Worry began to creep its way up your spine. “What’s wrong?”
“Do… Do you want me to stop?”
He was being careful. Careful not to cross any boundaries. He couldn’t fuck up again, not this time. You smiled at him. Taking his hand in yours, you placed a peck at the top of his palm, “not at all.”
Jungkook swears his heart melted then and there; the softness in your eyes, the relaxed tone of your voice, there was no hesitation. You felt safe, which was everything Jungkook ever wanted.
He leaned back in, you closed your eyes, puckering up thinking he was going in for another kiss. You felt a pair of soft bud-like lips at the side of your jaw, “beautiful,” he whispered to himself. He kissed the top of your covered shoulder.
You leaned back slightly, both hands steady behind you to support you weight. Jungkook leaned forward, following you, refusing that any sort of distance was between you.
Even though you had given him the ok, you could feel Jungkook was slightly hesitant in his moves, which was nothing like the Jungkook you had in front of you almost an entire month ago. He was so confident and cocky, yet now, he seemed unsure.
He was afraid of touching you and screwing up everything.
“I won’t leave this time,” you whispered, moving your head so that you were now looking at him, “I’m not gonna run away.” You took his hand in yours, guiding them towards your tits. Jungkook watched in awe as his hand completely engulfed your breast.
You let go of his hand when you felt him begin to fondle with the perky tit. He moved back to your neck, but instead of small affectionate kisses, he now began to place open-mouthed kisses at the expanse of your neck. You tilted your head to the side, allowing him more space; you felt the corners of his lips curl slightly.
You gasped at the feeling of his tongue gliding over the skin, slapping your hand over your mouth. While one of his hands were busy with your chest, the other removed the hand from your face, “don’t, you sound so pretty.”
The fingers that were once wrapped around your hand moved down your torso, grazing the apex of your thigh. With his mouth still busy on your neck, he hoisted the length of your stripped dress (that was actually Mina’s), just enough to expose most of your legs, but not enough to reveal the fabric of your underwear.
The pad of his cold fingers slithered over the black textile experimentally. Carefully brushing over your clothed clit, you whimpered. You sounded downright touch deprived.
The lustful boy in front of you began sucking on your neck, all while cupping your clothed cunt without warning. “Fuck,” You jumped at the overwhelming touch.
“So sensitive” he mumbled, “aren’t you, angel,” you hummed at the rightfully missed affectionate name. You gripped his shoulders when you felt him massage a little harsher at your mound. Your underwear was beginning to stick to your folds embarrassingly fast.
Jungkook curled a finger around the section of fabric that was directly against your pussy. Providing access for his hand to touch your warmth without removing your underwear. A muffled, high pitched moan of his name rolled off your tongue at his slender finger sliding into your velvety walls.
You were already so wet, and you were sure he noticed how embarrassed you were about it, with the way you were discreetly trying to close your legs.
He used his other hand to keep your legs apart. “Don’t be shy,” he soothed, “I love this pretty” he scraped his finger against the spongy spot, “pretty pussy.”
“Jungkook, please,” you whined, it only caused Jungkook to chuckle whole-heartedly at your neediness, “what is it, baby?” he pressed his thumb against your clit, gently tapping at it. You shuttered.
“I, fuck, I–“ your thighs began to tense, “tell me,” he urged. You were trying your best, but every sentence you were attempted to formulate was instantly thrown out the window the second Jungkook added another finger into your cunt.
His fingers were scraping at your walls, pumping into you or scissoring. The dangerous combination of all of the above, and his thumb rubbing meaningless patterns on your nub had you seeing stars.
Too focused on his magical fingers, you overlooked the small detail of Jungkook now sitting between your thighs, kneeling. He rubbed your thigh soothingly.
Deciding to help you out, Jungkook wrapped his fingers around the lame excuse of your panties, dragging the pathetic fabric down your legs. You were now completely exposed.
Jungkook eyes you between your legs, shamelessly. “Pretty girl,” he wooed. He pulled his fingers out of you, you whined at the empty feeling.
He brought his soaked fingers up to his tongue, slowly licking them clean, all while maintaining eye contact with you. Telling yourself you could cum from the sight alone was in no way an understatement.
“Mmm, good, so fucking good.” He purred against his fingers. “Bet it would taste even better from here,” teasingly, he slid his finger up your soaked slit, punctuating his sentence, “wouldn’t it, angel?” You quivered at his words. “is that what you want?” yes. “your words, pretty girl.”  
“Yes – Yes, please. Please eat me out,” without further ado, Jungkook wasted no time placing a much-deserved kiss on your swollen bud. You moaned in relief, throwing your head back at the feeling of Jungkook’s lips circling your clit.
You bucked your hips at the feeling of his tongue sloppily gliding against your folds. Your fingers found themselves tangled in Jungkook’s dark and messy locks. He praised you.
Small grunts and low moans were felt against your warm cunt, “such a pretty pussy,” he mumbled to himself against you. You clenched around nothing at the compliment.
“Feels so good,” you cooed, “yeah?” small licks turned into long laps, “yeah – fuck, don’t stop.” Stopping was the furthest thing from Jungkook’s mind.
You felt knots beginning to tie at the pit of your stomach, Jungkook could easily feel you were about to burst. The constant tugging of his hair and the pulsating cunt was all he needed, to know he was doing his job right.
“I love seeing you so needy for me,” at this point, you’re chanting his name shamelessly. It isn’t until Jungkook adds a finger lamely circling your clit that you feel you’re about to snap. The familiar ache between your legs became almost unbearable, you threw your head back and shut your eyes.
“Eyes on me when you cum,” you obliged. Bending your head forward to watch Jungkook eat your cunt as if he hadn’t eaten in days. The view was the most sinful yet the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. His brows are furrowed, he murmured against your warmth. You occasionally saw the tip of his nose, and when you did it was absolutely soaked in your arousal.
“Oh my fuck– Jungkook.”
It’s only when Jungkook uttered his next sentence that you felt the knot in your stomach unravel. “Fuck, baby, I could eat you out for the rest of my life,” you’re breaking apart.
Your hips surge forward, pathetically grinding on Jungkook’s face — he lets you. Helping you ride out your high, he slowly laps his tongue over your spasming pussy. He’s watching your every move, “delicious,” he smiled innocently as if his mouth wasn’t completely covered in your cum.
He stood up once again, licked his lips clean in the process and you swore you just felt something trail down your thigh. Once he was at eye-level with you, you looked down and saw the tent that has formed in his sweatpants.
Naturally, you go to grab his cock. Not wanting to waste time, you wrapped your fingers around it over the material. He visibly shuttered at the feeling, and it wasn’t until then that you realized you hadn’t touched Jungkook – at all. Not even back at the summer house.
Here you were, complaining over how selfish Jaehyun used to be whenever you two were having sex, saying he never touched you properly or showed any ounce of effort.
You weren’t any different. So far, Jungkook had only been the giver, and you had been a spoiled pillow princess.
Trailing your eyes back up to Jungkook, you watched him carefully as you curled a finger around the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers simultaneously, dragging the unnecessary material down his legs.
His cock sprung up, hitting his stomach. The tip was red and hot, several drops of precum dripped down the angry shaft. He was impossibly hard and you began to feel guilt overcome you for having been so selfish with pleasure. Determined to make it up to him, you placed all five tips of your fingers at the very apex of his cock, sliding down until your palm comes in contact with the tip.
The prettiest whine you’d ever heard rolled off of Jungkook’s lips, he watched you attentively, “y-you don’t have to–“ you shushed him, “I want to.”
You twist your wrist and positioned your fingers around his dick. Using your thumb to spread the precum, you lightly brush his frenulum in which he grunts, “fuck, babyyy,” unintentionally thrusting up into your hand.
You squeezed harder and began to pump his cock. The surprising rotation of your wrist was enough to have him slap both hands on either side of the desk, completely trapping you.
“Faster,” he pleads, “go faster,” and you do. His head drops down to your shoulder. He tried to distract himself by sucking another bruise onto the skin of your neck, but it was completely hopeless with the pace your hand was pumping.
Rhythmically, he was subtly thrusting his hips into your hand, matching the pace. He couldn’t wait to fuck you, so for the time being, he had to fuck your hand. And God, it felt so good it was almost pathetic how much a handjob could rile him up.
You felt his hips stutter, and now it was his turn to chant your name. You placed a soothing kiss on the expanse of his shoulder, “Mmm gonna – haah, shit,” You hurriedly pushed him back gently and dropped to your knees. “What are you – Fuck!”
Most of his length is now shoved down as much as your gag reflex allows, and it isn’t until you have Jungkook’s cock halfway down your throat that you realize how fucking impressive his size is. The thought of having him stretch you out with his girth is enough to make you wet all over again.
Jungkook can’t resist collecting your strands of hair up into a ponytail and piston into your mouth, “s-sorry, I’m sorry,” strings of apologies are heard throughout the room, along with the sound of you choking. Your eyes begin to sting, fresh tears falling down the side of your cheek. He continues to fuck your throat, and contrary to his belief, you fucking love it.
You steady yourself by grabbing the sides of his thighs. Echoes of Jungkook’s moans and heavy sighs fill the room, alongside the sound of his cock continuously thrusting down your throat.
“so pretty, you’re s-so fucking pretty like this,” you hum at his praise, “like the feeling of my cock down your throat, huh? Dirty girl, fuck,” at this point your mascara had completely stained your cheeks.
The sight of your brows furrowed, eyes filled with tears, mascara-stained cheeks, and the absolute cherry on top: Jungkook repeatedly plunging his impossibly hard cock down your sore throat, was all it took for him to blow his load.
You’ve never heard such a moan come from Jungkook, it sounded broken and you’re certain it’s the most beautiful thing you’ll ever hear in your life. You felt the warm, white liquid coat the walls of your cheeks and throat and you made sure to swallow every single drop.
You’re stopped from licking his dick clean when Jungkook pulls you back up to meet him at eye level. He lifts you up to sit at the desk again, hands on either side of you, he looks you dead in the eye, “I want to fuck you,” he says bluntly.
Your eyes widen slightly at his directness. Confused, you look down at his dick and holy fuck – he was still incredibly hard. Seriously, this boy had some serious stamina. You assumed his extraordinary stamina must’ve developed all those years in the gym.
You felt tiny under his gaze, you meet his eyes, nonetheless.
“Come here and fuck me then.” You felt bold when a shaky breath left his mouth. He hoisted both your legs up to his waist, causing you to lean back slightly, both your hands were forced to sit behind you once again to prevent yourself from falling backwards.
Without another word, Jungkook sealed the distance between your lips with a sweet kiss.
“Ohmygod–” was all you were able to say when his cock slowly disappeared inside of you, your walls of warmth hugging his length. Once again, you had underestimated just how big Jungkook actually was. He snaked a hand to meet the small of your back to steady himself before he finally began to pull himself out, leaving his tip, only to push back in.
You whined at the delicious stretch. Setting a fixed pace, Jungkook repeatedly thrusted into you, while his lips were busy on yours. You wrapped both arms around his neck, tangling your fingers in the hairs of his nape. “Mmm fuck,” he moaned deliciously against your lips.
“Feels good?” he asked, parting your lips with a soft chu. You nodded; your eyelids lazily drooped over your orbs; eyebrows scrunched together at the feeling of his tip kissing your cervix. He felt so good.
“Say it,” he rasped, “tell me how good it feels,” his thrusts grew harder, “tell me how good I’m fucking this pretty pussy. My pussy,” his pussy, yes, it was his.
You cried at the claim. “It feels so good Guk – fuck I love when you fuck me like this.”
He pounded harder, as if he was trying to punctuate something. Both your breaths quickened, equally as eager to chase your own high as you were each other’s. Pushing his chests flush against yours, he leaned his forehead against yours, neither of you broke eye contact.
“L-love you,” he cried. “I love you.”
It felt as if all the air in your lungs was punched out of you, you couldn’t pinpoint whether it was Jungkook’s hips thrusting into yours unforgivingly, or if it was the fact that the boy you basically watched grow up happened to be the same person you’ve liked since middle-school, standing in front of you, telling you he loves you.  
You lied to yourself, you genuinely thought whatever strong feeling you felt for Jungkook had died down, that you had truly moved on. You even got a boyfriend and all that.
But it wasn’t until you heard Jungkook utter those three words that you realized they never went away, no – you had hidden those feelings away in a box and chained several chains around it to keep them suppressed.
You loved him too, of course you did. You never stopped loving him for fucks sake. It pains you to think about how much crap both of you were put through for you to realize this.
“I love you.”
12-year-old Y/N was applauding and smiling like crazy; you finally said it. The love you had carried for Jungkook in your poor overwhelmed heart was finally spilled all over the table.
Jungkook’s hips stuttered at your reciprocating words. He hadn’t expected you to say it back, but for the love of all that is holy; he loved hearing you say it, it sounded so pretty coming from you. “Say it again,” he was now smiling, and you couldn’t help but smile back at him.
His eyes were glowing, so of course you had to say it again, “I love you. Fuck – I always have.”
“Again.”
“Jeon Jungkook,” completely out of breath, you caressed the side of his cheek, watching as his eyes teared up once again. He only fastened his pace, if that was even humanly possible. Lovingly, you ran your thumb across the scar that laid right on his cheek, “I am in love with you.”
That being said – Jungkook exploded, with you following right after him. You were holding on to each other for dear life, with slow pumps to help ride out your highs. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, at your final clench.
Small strings of I love you’s were heard from Jungkook who was breathlessly panting into your neck. He kissed your temple, guiding a small string of hair behind your ear.
“You know,” he started, “I’ve been in love with you since freshman year of high school,” he smiled adoringly at you, “the first day we had a biology class, I saw you slip a note into my locker that read ‘if I could be a nitrogen base, I’d be adenine so I could be paired with U.’ and there was a small purple bellflower taped to the corner of the paper. You’ve had my heart ever since that day.”
Your eyes widened, physically cringing at yourself in your teenage years, “I can’t believe you knew it was me, and really? That’s what it took for you to like me back?” You giggled, “you can’t blame me, you were, and still are, extremely adorable.” He shrugged his shoulders. You gently pushed his shoulders, feeling your face turn red at the reminder of your rather sappy biology pick up line.
“Well, I’ve loved you since middle school. I win this one, Jeon.”
-
Saturday 02:57AM
“What’s taking so long, Y/N should be back by now,” Jin winced, eyeing the small watch on his wrist.
Taehyung and Mina looked at each other, “do you think it worked?” Mina questioned, a beaming smile plastered across her face, “yup,” Taehyung crossed his arms proudly. “Operation tell-Y/N-to-get-polaroid-camera-because-Taehyung’s-too-drunk-for-his-own-good-so-that-she-could-be-trapped-in-the-same-room-as-Jungkook-and-make-up… Was a success!”
-
taglist: @selinashere @jjenjen @ladyartemesia @emsuzz @iamjiminsfloor @silvlyjmhwa
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incarnateirony · 5 years
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Democratic Debates, Day 1
So a few ground rules:
If you’re going to reply, be an adult about it, and don’t try to read everything in bad faith default lens. Ask questions of anyone who engages rather than accusing. And not in that presumptuous white guy bad faith questioning that isn’t a question tone.
If replying, put your comments with a lead in no longer than two (reasonable) sentences behind a cut. Because
some of us are fandom blogs first or whatever interests and our followers aren’t deeply invested
I just don’t want goddamn pillars of text on my reblog wall if I respond to discussions.
Literally if you’re a republican out to just be a shitlord and start whining or complaining or insulting or “no u”ing, see rule 4
I will not reblog or reply to any commentary that doesn’t fit these very basic guidelines, because internet trolling etc is not worth the future of our country. And that’s very much at stake now.
If you don’t want to see this, blacklist #politics and/or #democratic debates. Now, my takeaways on this, some surprising.
So, I’ll start with some disclaimers: I’m pretty much “vote for my dog over Trump” party line right now but we need to figure out a mix of “our best chance of winning” along of “award for the least tool” with hopefully a side of “I really like them and their policies”
Honestly, I entered this without being fond of Warren. She had some... establishment backing and other things that were just rubbing me wrong. I actually went in to day one looking to hear about Tulsi since I heard great buzz about her but honestly had only pulled up a few pages that sounded great on paper, but wanted to see her in action. Everyone else was littered policy ideas disembodied and, as a very visual person, I need to be able to connect to how they handle their podium beyond writing nice policy platitudes or listening to the toss back and forth online with everybody screaming at everybody else.
I’m also going to get something out of the way, and BEFORE you flame me on my marks on the image, read why I selected one that... I generally wouldn’t. First, this was my original graphic I released.
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Okay so sore thumb here: De Blasio. The reason for the circling being simple: if you took every semi-valid idea of every other white guy’s platform on this lineup, gave it a little bit of meat, and showed ACTUAL LIVING PROOF OF HAVING ENACTED IT ALL IN HIS TENURE AND MAKING THE IDEAS WORK, you get De Blasio. A lot of the ideas of the other nominees is basically *hand raise* “I did that.” So like. That’s that.
Anyone with no mark whatsoever is kinda like “you’re there and not trump so good for you” but there’s some updates further down this conversation on one of those.
The internet keeps acting like Klobuchar did well and I really don’t get why. It kinda feels like our token non-canuck trying to appeal to them-there northern hunter-type and cheese folks to reach out as a middle ground without actually committing to much and honestly, she’s just not going to last.
Booker caught my eye even if I was kind of head tilting because that is quite literally the whitest black man I have ever fucking seen, but he made a point about intersectionality, marginalized groups, and held his ground. He was all but unknown to me but I at least looked at him now. On the other hand, a lot of it felt like borderline pandering. I don’t know. I’ll keep an eye on him, but he actually stood out a bit at least. Not hard with the mayo jars up there but whatever.
It’s not a rare take online that Castro took the internet by storm. I love him. Everyone loves him. I do have some concerns long-term though; it’s less having actual problems with his ideas and more knowing that ... our country is too fucked for him right now. He’s advocating some pretty heavily open borders and while in principle I enjoyed watching him stomp on Beto about that, I honestly feel like if we put him against Trump, we’d lose. 
There’s people in the red party that ARE tired of Trump, that ARE experiencing a crisis about the inhumane shit going on at the border, that WOULD be willing to crossvote to make it end -- but we can’t forget that a lot of them initially voted for Trump BECAUSE of a deep seeded Xenophobia, and the level of aggression -- again, the kind of aggression I personally agree with -- Castro had may end up being very dangerous long term in getting that vote. Pretty much everyone up there agrees we need very comprehensive immigration reform and immediate action about the travesty, but I feel like unless Castro smooths his roll a bit we’re in for a long term faceplant that gives us another four years of Trumpian hell by people pulling back into their xenophobic mindset and -- if not voting for Trump -- abstaining from voting for him, which I think several other candidates have in their court.
Castro made a bit of a gaffe about switching trans genders but the fact that he tried, I guess. And considered trans in the discussion of choice and birth control etc. It could have very easily just been a stupid fumble. He’s still trying to take it into account. I can forgive that, in the scale of it, even if it has a bit of performer aspect.
Also I’m left to wonder where Castro was when they needed help running in Texas to begin with. I also just don’t see the passion in his eyes of several candidates, it’s strangely calculating on most topics. I like his platform, in theory, but I’m very cautious. 
Jay Insley is just weird even if everyone likes him.
Dulaney is a meme and I don’t know why he’s even here.
Tim Ryan accidentally wandered in on his way to the Republican debates as best I can gather.
Tulsi was the one that I was watching. All in all, I was underwhelmed. And then... it got worse.
The better part of her time was spent repeating her time in the military. And while it was great watching her school Tim Ryan, that’s not exactly hard to do. The fact that she lit his ass on fire when he just about self combusted in front of the party without her help -- I mean, it was the highlight of her showcasing aside from the snazzy Rogue hair.
Somehow, for as woke as tumblr is, and the progressives that had me looking her way, I hadn’t heard of her anti-LGBT past which she’s mostly couched her opinions on and held as recently as 2014 or THE FACT THAT I HAVE FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS VETTED BY THE FUCKING TRUMP ADMINISTRATION TO BE ON THEIR CABINET, I’M FUCKING HORRIFIED.
BUT THEN THERE WAS THIS LITTLE GEM THAT I FOUND BEFORE ACTUALLY DISCOVERING THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH.
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What the FUCK? What are you, seven? That’s literal pre-emptive “my sister stole my phone lol sorry” level tweets. YOU’RE A FUCKING PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE TALKING ABOUT IMPORTANT NATIONAL MATTERS LOCK YOUR GODDAMN PHONE.
Because THAT’S just what we need, we’ll go from Trump impulse-tweeting to like “LOL fuck korea - lmao sorry my sister texted that”???? 
Neverminding how STATISTICALLY INCORRECT that is. Depending on exactly HOW you count time Warren got 2nd or 3rd most time -- yes, more than Tulsi. She did not have the most. She did not have “more than all the other candidates combined.” And Tulsi did not have the least time, but center-ground on time. She wasted a bunch of it endlessly reciting her time in the military, scoring an okay shot on Ryan, and... well, vagueblogging about her opinion on LGBT to the vein of “something something equality my bad I was raised conservative” great. Great selling point. Great couching there. Five years ago you were fighting against me having rights and now you’re basically against government deciding what people can’t do but what the fuck is your opinion on me as a human being?
Doubling back from that problem though, that’s when I dug in her LGBT history and ended up tripping over the Trump stuff. AND THIS IS THE CANDIDATE I WENT IN TO HEAR FROM TONIGHT LIKE “YES PLZ LET ME HEAR MORE” because people I knew LIKED her, but then I find out she’s a Trump frand that has Trump-like hyperbolic meltdowns on twitter? NO I DO NOT WANT FEMALE TRUMP WITH ROGUE HAIR THANKS BUT NO THANKS. 
Back to Warren, who I started with a MEH on, she came out WICKEDLY strong out of the gate. Her second half was weaker, she kinda has next to no active plan beyond talking/passing around more research on gun reform, but everything else, yes. Do I think she has the potential weight to pull it off, yes. And most of all, watching as she gets mad, upset, or emotional, do I believe she believes everything she said tonight, yes. Look, I know there’s STUFF about her claiming she had Native American heritage or whatever but I’m honestly so far past giving a fuck about the obscure shit like that if they have decent policies because our country is so FUCKED right now that I DONT CARE. She held her ground.
So in the end my spread ends up looking more like
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of day 1 contenders, Warren still maintains her strong chance. Castro kind of sprouted up out of the earth and I really goddamn like him, but I do hold caution for my reasons above, because again, our country is THAT FUCKED.  
Booker really turned some heads and I liked him Booker... Booker’s very concerned about a lot of marginalized intersectional issues and it took him from “who the fuck is that” onto my radar which is a leap, but he didn’t drill in as hard as Castro did to my mind and I feel like he’s just... I dunno, I could be wrong but I feel like he’s gonna fade. Beto, IDK, still exists, isn’t an embarrassment and doesn’t just morph in with the other white guys up there. He’s not Trump. So I won’t delete him, but let’s say he barely, and I mean BARELY hedged into my consideration in this image, I almost just cropped it over to Warren.
De Blasio is just sort of “status quo, but actually enacts it” but I wouldn’t weep to see him vanish, either. In the end out of this debate though, I see like
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Everyone else go home.
ON THE OTHER HAND, MOST CANDIDATES I’M ACTIVELY INTERESTED IN ARE ON THE FLOOR TOMORROW, WHICH BY THE LINEUP IS SLATED TO BE A BLOODBATH.
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I’m really, REALLY hoping everybody has the common sense to make such an ass of Biden he’s knocked out early. Like that’s part of why I’m so goddamn interested in day 2. If we end up with Trump vs Biden we might as well all just put on our goddamn clown suits but he has the fiscal backing to push through even if he shouldn’t unless he’s utterly DECIMATED early on.
I don’t like Kamala Harris’ prison industrial complex CRAP but I’d be HAPPY to watch her drag Biden around like a wet rag. Sanders is a given point of interest. Buttigieg is another one to watch. Yang... isn’t... gonna last. But is just sort of a ... fun thing to watch I guess in this mix up. Someone else may surprise me, I don’t know.
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spacewolfqueen · 6 years
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Tagged by @darthdarceyy !!! Thanks for tagging me!! 
RULES: ANSWER MY ELEVEN QUESTIONS THEN TAG ELEVEN PEOPLE AND COME UP WITH ELEVEN QUESTIONS FOR THEM.
1.Who do you think apologies first? Ben or Rey?
I see it as Rey being the first to voice it. But I think Ben’s actions will say it first. Like he’ll do something that shows Rey he regrets how things went. But Rey is more comfortable voicing her emotions so I think she’ll say it out loud first. 
2. Write a short story paragraph of what you think Ben and Rey’s first kiss will actually be like? 
Oh snap... Shit. Let’s pretend they just finished a super intense fight scene but I’m not gonna write that part. So just imagine them standing in the middle of a battlefield after the enemy is destroyed. 
Ben’s warm amber eyes stared at her, rooting her to the spot. The heat in his gaze filled her veins with fire. The last time she’d seen him with such an intense look, she’d ran, searching for a distraction. But there was nothing here to distract her, no rebels facing impeding doom to save her from that look or the man behind it. 
“Ben, I-” Rey fumbled for a coherent thought or some sort of an excuse, anything to buy her time.
It only took two long strides for him to close the distance, to stand before her like a black tower. His lips parted as his eyes searched hers. Perhaps he was looking for an excuse as well, something, anything to deny the energy sizzling between them. 
“Rey,” his voice was just a breath escaping through his full lips, drawing her attention to them and then back to his molting eyes. His breath brushed against her skin like a warm caress, teasing and tempting her. 
Reaching out, Rey placed one hand on his chest, hesitant at first. When he didn’t pull back, she spread her fingers wider, feeling the muscles that tensed at her touched. His chest rose and fell in a steady pace as if he weren’t affected by the tension between their bodies. The hammering of his heart told a different story. 
With her other hand, Rey reached out to trace his scar; the wound she’d inflicted long since healed but the memory behind it still very present, at least for her. 
Perhaps it was the adrenaline coursing through her veins or perhaps a moment of seer insanity. Rey didn’t know, didn’t care. She stretched up on her tiptoes and pulled his face down until their lips met. 
It was brief but soft. Gentle yet scorching. As she stepped back down, heat flushed her cheeks and she looked away, too unsure of her actions to meet Ben’s penetrating eyes. 
“I- I’m sorry. I don’t-”
In a flash, Ben wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against his hard form, cutting off her apology. He crushed his lips over hers, claiming her mouth with his own. 
Mine.
The thought burned through Rey’s mind like a lighting bolt, powerful and blinding, blocking out all other thoughts and leaving her momentarily blinded. 
Mine.
It wasn’t Ben’s voice in her head this time as Rey tangled her fingers in his thick black hair. The thought was all her own. 
Mine.
Both their voices rang through each other’s minds claiming one another mentally as they claimed one another physically. 
Took more than a paragraph but I tried. Lol. That last line is a bit meh but I didn’t know how to wrap it up. 
3. What other pairings do you love?
Currently? None like Reylo. Reylo has taken control of my life. But I also love Jamie and Claire from Outlander (both the books and the TV show) and Mac and Barrons from the Fever series (I highly HIGHLY recommend these books)
4. Do you think Rey and Kylo are both virgins? (lol i do) What do you actually think the first time will be like?
I honestly do think they’re both virgins which is a bit refreshing. I think they’re first time will be... soft? I guess is the word. Soft but passionate. I don’t think it’s something either of them will rush into. While I think they’ll make out hot and heavy, I think the first time they have sex, they’ll both be like “are you sure” and “is this okay” but once they get past that first bit of awkwardness, the passion will kick in. 
5. When did you fall in love with Reylo?
Before TFA to be honest. I wasn’t much into SW before Reylo. I used to be on Tumblr for the ship Amorra (Amon x Korra from The Legend of Korra) a ship that has lots of similar traits as Amorra. So fellow Amorrians kept telling me I needed to watch TFA because I would ship Reylo. Since I wasn’t super into SW, I didn’t get around to seeing TFA for awhile but I did enjoy Reylo fanart and gifsets and such. Then once I finally saw TFA I got into reading fics and into slowly took over my life.
6. Imagine you were in Rey’s position in the Force Awakens during the interrogation scene? How do you think you would have reacted to Kylo threatening you and demanding Luke?
Pretending like I don’t have to keep it rated PG-13, I would have cussed him out and threatened him lol
7. An AU where Ben and Rey meet every time by reincarnation or whatever. Where are they?
Uhhhhhhh. Hm. I’m just gonna go with a biker bar since I’m writing an AU biker fic right now
8. What do you think it would be like in episode 9 if Luke had lived ?
Oh damn. I’ve never thought of this. I think Luke would probably have “retired” I mean he basically faced his past and learned to forgive himself for his mistake. But I think he would have told Leia the truth about what had happened that night. And then once Ben and Rey got together and Ben sees Luke again, I think Ben would forgive him because Ben’s dealt with/learned from his past too. 
9. Do you agree that Hux might be the biggest bad guy in 9?
Not biggest. But I think he’ll be one of the biggest. I think the biggest will be Kylo/Ben overcoming his fear/learning to forgive himself. I think 9 will focus more on finding balance than destroying the dark. But I think Hux is gonna get in the way of Ben/Rey finding the balance so they’ll have to face him as a “big bad”
10. What do you think Ben and Rey’s first meeting in 9 will be like after everything that’s happened?
I honestly think it’ll happen during Leia’s funeral. So instead of them yelling or arguing, I think they’ll find comfort in each other. And then later on they’ll have to deal with everything that happened between them. But I think Leia’s funeral will kind force them to put all that crap to the side for a moment. But because it brings them together, it’s also going to force them to deal with the crap (maybe not right away) instead of trying to ignore it. If that makes sense. 
11. What do you head cannon Reylo baby to look like? Boy or girl?
I honestly haven’t really thought about this. But genetically speaking, they’ll probably have twins since twins skip a generation. I think a boy and a girl. The girl would have Ben’s hair that he secretly loves braiding all the time. The boy would look like Rey but with Ben’s ears. 
OMG. I suck at tagging. 
@reylobitch @lonelyspacebabies @27vampyresinhermind @damnitskywalkers @im-reylo-trash-and-i-dont-care @violetwilson @redheadnerdrage @reylocalligraphy @monsterleadmehome @ididntwanttoshipit @black-diamond96
^I don’t talk to all of you but I see you on my dash so don’t feel pressured to do this if you don’t want to!
Your questions are (I’m mixing the Reylo with some personal)
1. What is your favorite canon Reylo moment?
2. Do you have any pets? What’s their name? Pic?
3. What are you usually doing on a Friday night?
4. What Reylo fic(s) are you currently reading? (if any)
5. Of all the Reylo content you’ve made (art, fic, meta, etc.) what’s your favorite? Link?
6. Do you have a Reylo music playlist you listen to? What’s on it?
7. “My favorite thing about the Reylo ship/fam is....”
8. What’s your drink of choice?
9. What are you doing when you’re not fangirling over Reylo?
10. Besides Star Wars, what other movies/books/shows do you obsess over?
11. How do you think ep IX will end? 
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thedappleddragon · 3 years
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last night I dreamed that I was an archeologist tortoise and I was looking at dozens of “human” skeletons in Buckingham palace that was also my backyard. the skeletons all looked like combo human and turtle because the whole torso looked basically like the first google image result for sea turtle skeleton. then my sister woke me up, giving me a comforter and telling me my mom need help with some things.  cleaned up around the living room and did some laundry and boiled some eggs and made meatloaf and swept the floor. the meatloaf turned out surprisingly good, idk what I did differently. I evemtually went back to my room and tried to remember what I wanted to do today. last night as I was falling asleep I told myself that I was gonna clear off my desk so I could finally use it, so I moved some stuff around and set up my laptop. I havent been able to sit at a real actual desk in SO LONG and its SO NICE to have just like a space where I can sit down and work and have a chair that will support my back instead of sitting cross legged on my bed or laying down while doing stuff on my laptop. it almost makes me feel productive even I'm just playing the sims. I feel especially cool when im just typing out whatever bullshit because it makes me feel like im at an office job typing up ~important documents~ :) idk man I think quarantine has changed me lmao. if im getting this many emotions from just being able to sit down at a desk and do ANYTHING idk how im gonna handle collage. I keep calling whetever im doing (playing the sims, scrolling through Tumblr, typing up this summary of the day) work because it just. feels nice sitting at a desk and typing. even if it’s dumb bullshit!! idk how to describe it I just feel amazing. it makes me feel like im writing a paper with all the horrible parts like research and thinking. the sound of typing on my MacBook makes me feel like im in school again, but without the horrible stressful parts. idk mn I know I've been going on about this desk and stuff for too long and im gonna hate it if I eventually read back through these daily logs but I just feel so nice. ill change topics anyway. I hung up my calendar again! I literally didn't have any open wall space aside from maybe the wall behind my bed but why the hell would I put a calendar where I can't see it. instead its kind of hanging above my closet. I pinned it to the wooden board in the “doorway” (idk what other word to use) where there would normally be sliding doors that open and shut if they hadn't been taken off YEARS ago. I also played a lot of the sims 4, juggling aspirations for 5 sims. I quit because I got frustrated that all my sims are dumb and the ai Is buggy and doesn't let me do what I want them to do. I also plopped in a house on my family’s old lot and spent some time adjusting the colors and the trees and adding those paper craft cieling things that can either have stars or leaves or snowflakes that came in the free winter holiday stuff pack and holy shit as soon as I found those I think they became my new favorite decoration item. I threw them everywhere but eventually took down most of them, leaving some leaf ones in the bedroom. I was gonna move in a family of a bunch of young adults and children to help with the first kid’s serial romantic aspiration and one of the twin’s social butterfly aspiration, but I ended up not doing that in favor of just decorating more and playing with the family some more. one thing I realized while playing is that there are fucking MICE in my CIELING. well not really in the cieling, in the attic, but I can hear them chewing on shit and its sucks. I would turn on a fan to drown out the noise but my room is fucking FREEZING. I threw the blanket back over my window hoping that it would keep heat from escaping but I don't think that really did anything. so after freezing my ass off I got fed up and put on fluffy socks under normal socks, wore my owl onesie as pants over my shorts, put on my comfy (oversized hoodie), and threw a fluffy blanket over my shoulders. thankfully I was pretty cozy after that, but as I type this after taking off the cosy and blanket, I can feel my toes getting cold again. damnit. ANYWAY after quitting the sims for the night I ate some salad and got a heart shaped crouton :) and I scrolled through Tumblr for a bit. then I decided to finally work on the paws my friend wanted. but I couldn't find the pattern so I instead worked on the brown paws instead. I could only work on them so much, since I still have to finish the lining before I can do much else. I attached the backs of the fingers to the back of the hand. I didnt get much down but what matters is that I did SOMETHING. I'm gonna keep an eye out for that pattern that I need, and if I cant find it, I'll just make a new pattern. tbh I think thad’s be the better way to go anyway since I wouldn't have to figure out how the fuck the old one goes together and I can also have a pattern that perfectly fits the foam underneath. also tbh i have mixed feeling about the white paws my friend wants. I like how dextrous they are and how easily you can emote and move your fingers, but I dont like how ovular I made the paw pads and the hints of black thread peaking out where I sewed the pads from the back. I WOULD just remake them with the free curl works pattern im using for the brown paws but I figure I might as well finish this pair since there’s already one done and the foam interior is already made. whatever. I dont wanna think about it too much. I also dont like the head that goes with the paws, it was a fish job in comparison to my first head and I kinda hate it. but I think I'll eventually get some longer fur for the neck and a hair poof and cheeks (maybe) and do a little refurbishing and give it to my friend if she ever wants it, since it matches the paws and all. I have lots of plans for my 2 WIP heads but not all the materials/motivation. plus I just need to let the ideas stir before I do unything, making sure they’re goof before I act on them. I'm exited that I can shave down fur relativey easily and evenly without an electric dog shaver, which opens up a lot of opportunities. anyway as I was working on the brown paws I had TAZ on in the background and it still baffles me a little bit how different griffin and Matt mercer operate as dms like holy shit. its really funny. and it got me thinking about how I wouldn't mind dming for my friend group if he chance ever arose. I DO have the forgotten realms campaign setting book. I haven't actually looked at it but I assume it has a few pre-built quests and plot lines n stuff in it. I'll probably take a better look at in the morning when it’s not 1:40 am. dang now I'm thinking about my Minecraft dnd idea again. I think the real problem keeping me from being a dm is that I CANNOT keep a straight face when doing improv/roleplaying, so I dont know how well I could hold together a world for them to play in. I would love to give it a try tho. not with the Minecraft idea at the same time, fuck no. I would need to do like. a classic vanilla dnd experience the first time, maybe even using our tiefling family characters since I'm at least a little familiar with them. can you dm and also play your own character? is that fair? is that a think you can do? I think that could be fun but also hard to juggle and also maybe kinda suck because you’d already know all the answers to all the puzzles. meh. actually now I kind of really want to look through thet book tonight instead of in the morning. also I mentioned overnight oats a few days ago I think, and the first morning it was kinda gross, the second time I ate it was still a little gross texture wise, but I finished it off tonight and it was pretty good. maybe next time I'll try it without the banana and a little less milk and maybe slice up an apple into little cubes for texture. hell yeah peanut butter apple cinnamon brown sugar overnight oats. that sound pretty dang good actually. I'll try that some time, but I dont think I can right now because I dont think we have any apples in the house. phooey. I should also probably put this oatmeal cp in the sink before it becomes impossible to clean. holy shit how long have I been writing? SEE THE DESK MAKES ME JUST WANNA KEEP WRITING AND WRITING FOREVER I FEEL SO PRODUCTIVE EVEN IF IM NOT DOING ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE!! I love just typing and typing forever its so soothing just hearing the tapping of the keyboard and getting my thought out without actually having to think that hard about it. goddamn im never gonna read back through this this is a nightmare lmao. no paragraph breaks no capitalization no nothin. I dont even wanna stop typing even though my arm is starting to hurt a little but from leaning the edge of the desk. now im thinking about the movie soul again and the cat as it rides on the escalator to the great beyond and how that dude in the band was the main characters student and how that scene with the girl trying to quit music and then immediately changed her mind didnt make any sense. like what the hell I dont understand that scene at all. also thinking about the transition where he’s like “ok repeat after me” as he’s in the cat and the camera goes over the mom’s shoulder and it’s just him talking, I like how they did that instead of doing dialouge between him and the cat. idk man. I think maybe I should stop typing now since my body is starting to hurt. sorry for putting this H U G E wall of text on your dash but I just like typing out my thoughts :) goodnight!
edit: OH I forgot to talk about something else!! last night I was thinking about valentines day and how cute it would be to have a little overall dress in the pattern on one of my childhood blankets, its like a light pink with white hearts on it so I looked up some fabrics and none of them were the right pattern. I also looked up a sewing pattern that I think would look nice and its on sale right now! I totally want to try and make it, but fabric is expensive so I think I might look at dollar tree for fleece baby blankets because I know they have them there, I bought a few a while ago for some plush sewing projects. they’re decently sized so I think I could do it.idk how many I would need to buy tho. or I might go to goodwill and look for a pink sheet? I have a thin pink blanket that could theoretically work but I want to use a planet im not attached to. or even just find a few big shirts in the same shade of pink? then I could maybe line it with something. I have red purple and white satin but that’s literally the worst fuckin fabric in the world to work with. my first experience with sewing was trying to make plushies out of satin and holy hell idk how I did it. anyway even though I literally never wear dresses I think it would be a fun project to try and make myself a cute little valentines dress. :) I could even give myself POCKETS >:)))
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impalaofgrace-blog · 6 years
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Why do you hate Jack so much?? Like what has he ever done but make s13 interesting unlike the past couple season 😗☕️
Sigh… Do I really want to go into this… or do I just reply with “I don’t like Jack because I watched season 12 (and 4. and 5)” and give 0 fucks… Alright, I’m going to answer this as politely and constructively as I can and I’m only going to talk about this once, so read carefully. Some unpopular opinions under the cut, don’t go there if you don’t like rants or don’t want to get your Jack-loving feelings hurt.
It’s not that I don’t like the dude because he’s a “bad guy” or a “villain” or whatever - surprisingly, because everyone thinks this is the main reason. I’ll let you know I actually love villains. I don’t like Jack in general, I don’t like his lack of personality, I don’t like the way the writers built him as a character - he literally gets on my nerves just by saying “Castiel-style” lines, I cringe every time. He acts and talks like very discount Castiel (I said “very” because there’s so much more to Castiel’s character than, you know, a cute, adorably clueless nerd that takes most things literally), he looks like a cheap 90s Leo DiCaprio rip-off lol, there’s literally nothing about him that’s original or new/fresh. To me he’s just a poor imitation. It’s like the writers were like “Cas isn’t going to be in the first few episodes of season 13 so hey, how about we replace him with a mini-Cas, but like a demo version, minus the badassness and plus the crybabyness (crybabyness is a word, leave me alone)? This way, we won’t have to waste time creating an entirely new, unique character that could actually be interesting and also, everyone in this fandom loves helpless manbabies so they’re gonna love it!” …And forget everything that happened in s12.
Now let’s get into the second reason, regarding season 12 itself - the inconsistency. Jack clearly brainwashed both his mother and Castiel. I already talked about it but I’m going to repeat for the sake of this post. The manipulation was so clear and obvious, I can’t comprehend how no one is questioning this anymore. The change in Cas and Kelly’s behavior was so sudden, they both unexpectedly started to act like they’d lost their minds! Did you see the look on Castiel’s face when he said he “saw paradise”? The fuck was that? Because it sure as hell wasn’t a genuine Cas’ smile, last time he smiled like that was when he thought he was God. Also, Dean himself said he “didn’t recognize the guy staring back at him” and if anyone in the show knows Cas better than anyone else, it’s Dean - and I’m not saying this as a shipper, it’s a fact that Dean and Castiel’s relationship is something special, different and “profound” so if Dean says something’s off - something’s clearly off. Not to mention the change in Castiel’s behavior is extremely out of character, since he’s literally rebelled against the idea of paradise on Earth. He’s fallen because he didn’t want paradise. Seriously, does no one remember season 4 anymore? It wasn’t paradise that Castiel fought for, it was freedom. Then, the reason Castiel wanted to get out of The Empty was Sam and Dean, he didn’t even think about Jack, not until Sam mentioned him, even though last season he got away from the bros because Lucifer’s kid needed him. Now he suddenly feels responsible for him again. It’s so… confusing??? Consistency who?
One of the grossest things about Jack is the fact that he brought Kelly back to life when she tried to kill herself because he needed her alive to be born. However, he didn’t try to bring her back when he  was being born. He only kept her alive because she was useful and then just let her die. He treated her like “a container”, as Lucifer himself said. I can’t even stress how disgusting this is. I feel fucking sick whenever he talks about his mother, making this sad poop face. The mother he brainwashed, used and left to fucking die. “He didn’t know how to do it” - oh? So his ability to control his powers suddenly regressed or what? Speaking of - in the last episode we find out that apparently Jack hardly remembers anything  from when he was in the womb - and yet, when he was still in the womb, somehow he was developed enough to: manipulate Cas and Kelly, convince Cas to protect him by showing him a vision of paradise, bring Kelly back to life, understand that Dagon was evil and know what to do in order to kill her. He knew and understood all of these things, but now somehow he barely knows how to move a fucking pencil? AND turns out he actually can fly but kept it a secret? That’s sketchy as hell, isn’t that even remotely alarming to you? There’s something incredibly unsettling and deceitful about Jack and it creeps me the fuck out.
I hate the way the fandom keeps infantilizing him, too. Jesus Christ, I’m so fed up with people calling him a “precious cinnamon roll too pure for this world uwuwuwuwu" etc. ughhhh… Where do I sign a petition for people to never use this expression to describe a character ever again… Notice how the reason people love Jack so much isn’t that he’s a complex, unique character. They love him because… sometimes… he talks like Cas… Tell me one trait that Jack has that isn’t copied from Cas and isn’t “complaining about being a monster all the fucking time”. Listen, I didn’t even have a strong opinion on Jack at first. I started watching season 13 with a “meh”/neutral attitude. Wasn’t excited about him, didn’t really hate him either. But now I see that they’re really going with this gross Daddy!Cas thing and I’m just not gonna buy this bullshit. I can’t stand seeing my favourite character on the show being destroyed like that.
I hate the way the fandom gave Dean shit for distrusting Jack. I’ve never seen more Dean hate in my life and it’s all because of some whiny dude who’s only been in the show for a few episodes. Gross. Dean had every right to hate the dude. The third paragraph explaines why.
“Jack’s just a kid” - no, the point is, he’s fucking not. He said himself that he literally “couldn’t be a baby or a child”. Jack is a fully grown person with a fully-developed brain and is fully capable of analizing and comprehending his actions so justifying the things he’s done with “he’s just a kid” is just… dumb.  I hate how everyone justifies the fact that he killed an innocent person just because he’s not capable of controlling his powers yet, like… If you’re not sure you can control your powers, don’t fucking use them? It’s as simple as that. [more on this subject: here] His brain is nothing like a kid’s brain, so don’t try to sell me this “he’s just a month old” bullshit.
Did he “make s13 interesting unlike the past couple season”…? Um, I think the fuck not? He didn’t bring anything new to the show and I’ve already explained why I think so. I mean, it’s kind of a relative thing to say, don’t you think? He probably did for the people who like him. For me - meh, I didn’t give a shit when I first saw 13x01, maybe was a little bit intrigued even, because I thought he’d give off a more dangerous/villainous vibe. But then all he really did was whine about how supposedly bad he is???  Personally, I find his constant pity parties tiring and boring as fuck, but to each their own I guess.
On a side note, though, I don’t even think season 12 was bad. Not my favourite, but definitely not the worst. I know a lot of people didn’t enjoy it, but I’d say it’s actually in my top 6. I mean, I’m not a fan of the MoL plotline but overall, it had some good episodes. Will season 13 be better? We’ll see. If it will, it won’t be because of Jack - at least to me. I hope you’re satisfied with this response, I know it’s a bit messy but I did my best. Have a nice day.
so anyway, fuck Jack’s hypocritical overrated ass lmao
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groundramon · 7 years
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I’m bored and I cant focus on my drawing so...
Since I’ve been ratting on Teen Titans all week even tho I insist I like the show (I SWEAR TO GOD I DO...I was off-put at first but? its okay, its hard for shows to immediately hook me), I think it’s only fair to list some of my major problems with some of my all-time favorite shows and some other shows that are currently on that aren’t really my favorite, but I still think are objectively decent and arguably pretty damn good.
I’m not gonna go in order from best to worst but here we go: (keep reading tag because this is going to get really fucking long and ik i dont usually do this with my rants but i feel like i should this time, idk im inconsistent this is a personal blog sorry)
Steven Universe: - I sometimes feel bad critiquing SU because it’s not too far into its run.  I love the show, some of the moments and even full episodes are legitimately mesmerizing, but it...has quite a few problems, yeah.
- The one I bitch the most about is the pacing.  Steven Universe tries to combine serialized storytelling, which is telling an overarching story over the course of several episodes (IE Avatar: The Last Airbender, most anime, ect), and episodic storytelling, which is telling several smaller stories that each fit in one episode with little to nothing connecting them besides the characters (IE SpongeBob, We Bare Bears, most cartoons honestly).  But emphasis on “tries”; Steven Universe, unfortunately, is not very good at blending these two styles.  Steven Universe ridgedly adheres to the idea of having a season that is half filler/”townie” episodes and half “cool alien”/plot-related stuff - and this is something that’s been confirmed, by the way.  So while this was fine in the first season (where the only true overarching plot-related episodes that weren’t just worldbuilding were at the end of the season) and the second season (where the plot episodes can be summed up all-together as “they catch and befriend Peridot and learn, not stop, the Cluster”), it isn’t in the later seasons.  Season 3 has the following plot points: the Cluster is defeated, Malachite is found and defeated and defused, Lapis joins the Crystal Gems, more homeworld gems (rubies) find earth, Jasper is corrupted and bubbled, its revealed that Rose Quartz shattered (killed) someone, and Steven gets lost in space because of a plan gone wrong with the Rubies (and he’s rescued in the last episode).  That is a paragraph worth of plot points.  And, being generous (IE including plot-forwarding episodes that feel more like filler than actual plot, like the baseball episode) that is 13 twelve-minute episodes worth of content.  All of those plot points are addressed in 2.6 hours time.  That is not long enough to visit all those episodes.  And there are a few more I didnt count that /are/ related to the aliens, but Bismuth and Centipeetle currently irrelevant and weren’t related to the plot points I listed so I didnt mention them.
- I’m also still waiting somewhat impatiently for resolution on certain character arcs.  Pearl’s behavior hasn’t been properly addressed for a while and I’m really hoping they dont wimp out of addressing what a piece of shit she can be sometimes.  Like, I love Pearl, but get the fuck outta hear with your Pearl stanning shit.  She’s unintentionally awful and I lvoe her for it.  I’m more patient about Bismuth but.......crewniverse, im starting to get a little impatient with her too.  Bring her back.  You should’ve brought her back in the next episode, because her friends shouldn’t have left her bubbled, but whatever.  It’s fine.  I’m fine.  (I’m not fine).
- Also, Lapis’s character arc.  Wasn’t properly addressed.  One episode she was saying she deserved to be with Jasper and the next she seems fine.  One episode she hates Peridot and two episodes (well several episodes, but two episodes as far as they appear) later they’re buddy-buddy with one another.  I get that there was probably a time gap where they developed closer with one another, but fuck, I would’ve liked to see that instead of Future Boy Zoltron but okay :) (and i dont even hate future boy zoltron, its just one of the few “meh” episodes I bothered to remember the name of)
- SPEAKING OF UNPROPERLY ADDRESSED CHARACTER ARCS I swear to god Crewniverse, if Amethyst was being sincere when she said she didn’t have self esteem issues anymore, I dont think I can call this one of my favorite shows anymore.  Where.  Where did she find the resolve to get over her self esteem issues.  The last time we saw her talk about them was when she broke down in Sardonyx’s room, but, she was speaking through Smoky Quartz (btw, where the fuck has Smoky been? I literally forgot about her because its been so long...).  But still, even if she WAS speaking through a fusion, before then she displayed the same self-destructive mindsets and she was never given the resolve to better herself.  All she did was wallow in her own pity with Steven (which? relatable, but not constructive).  Show us her getting the resolve to better herself.  Show her positively reinforcing herself.  Have her whisper “you can do this, Amy,” under her breath right before she kick’s a bad guy’s ass.  Have her high-five herself, have her cheer for herself, have her be sincerely proud and acknowledging her accomplishments.  Because that’s how you fix self esteem issues and kids should be taught that by someone other than a therapist or the internet.
- Just because a lot of these issues could be fixed with time doesn’t change where they are at this moment.  The past pacing issues might not ruin the show for me depending on the direction they go in, but I feel like they’re going to continuously make the same mistakes over and over - and with the intense direction this show is going now, the idea of having five filler/townie episodes in a row while Lars is in space is terrifying because of how awful that pacing is.  I do not care about Onion, please go back to Lars.  But even if they fix it and the rest of the series is near-spotless, what’s done is done, you cant fix the rushed pacing of the past seasons’ stories and the dumb filler that padded out the seasons in the wrong areas.
- Also, another problem with combining episodic and serialized storytelling is that SU’s story gets WAY too serialized for an episodic show.  There’s so much going on that you can’t just sit down and watch a random episode of the show and start watching the show from there, which is a huge problem when you have episodes like Onion Gang and Future Boy Zoltron that take up 30% of the episodes and offer literally nothing to the story and honestly arent usually even that great as far as episodic stories go.  You cannot have 30% of your serialized show be 100% filler.  That’s bad writing.  And SU is in denial of the fact that it’s too serialized to be episodic.
Gravity Falls: - I generally cite Gravity Falls as one of the best combiners of the traditional episodic and serialized styles.  It’s what Steven Universe dreams of being; it becomes serialized when it counts (the final half of the last season), but up until then, it’s episodic with just a few clues/reoccuring things sprinkled throughout.  However, this show is far, far from flawless.
- Some of the episodic shows, and I mean a lot of the episodic shows, have a tendency to feel rather generic.  Ah yes, a girl whose obsessed with boys and boybands.  Okay.  Seen that.  A nerdy, whimpy boy who has a crush on a cooler older girl.  Again, seen that.  I’m not saying that’s all there is to Mable and Dipper; clearly not.  But a lot of their traits encompass many different stereotypes, and while the characters themselves aren’t bad, the situations they find themselves in aren’t always the most original.  Sometimes I feel like Gravity Falls is a PG-rated Scooby Doo meets Disney Sitcom.  Which is okay if you like Scooby Doo and Disney Sitcoms, but it doesn’t always make for the most eloquent storytelling.  Which is fine for a kids show, but less fine for one of the cartoons heralded as a harbinger of the current cartoon renaissance (then again, I’m not into hardly any of the other harbingers of the “current cartoon renaissance” and I’d argue that we aren’t in a renaissance at all; we’re just finally, finally getting some decent cartoons after the awfulness that was the late 2000s)
- I’m gonna say it; we should’ve learned more about Ford’s adventures in the other dimension.  It’s possible some of the non-animation related materials (namely books) have information about his travels, but as it stands, I havent got a clue what happened to him during those years.  And I want to know.  I should know.  Its a glaring plot hole in all honesty, because we should know what happened to him and how it affected him.  Or maybe im overreacting idk.
Voltron: Legendary Defender: - Hoo boy, where do I even start with VLD
- VLD seems like a show that wants to be character-driven but somehow refuses to.  It wants you to be emotionally attached to the characters, but either it does that and does nothing with it, or it doesn’t even bother to do that.  The only characters whose struggles I care about are Pidge, Shiro, Allura, and only as of season 3, Keith.  Allura I was kinda on the fence about until season 3 but thankfully, if season 3 did one thing right, it was Keith and Allura (and yes I know people are complaining abt Allura’s treatment but I like watching my faves suffer).  That leaves two paladins - and Coran, but I’ll give him a pass because literally the only show that’s done a comedy relief right is ATLA so I’m not expecting him to be superbly well-developed - that I dont give a shit about.
- Lets start with Hunk.  GOD I want to love Hunk so much.  So FUCKING much.  But every time a new season comes out, I feel more and more disappointed.  This show is so obsessed with melding him down to “the fat kid who eats a lot and makes a lot of dumb jokes” and it’s....so disappointing, because there’s so much potential here for something more.  In the first episode of the series, we see Hunk display cowardice (which isn’t an uncommon trait for a fat stereotype) and a prowess for engineering.  Yes he’s a bit of a fat stereotype, but you know what?  I dont care if a fat character is cowardly, makes bad puns, likes to eat, throws up a lot, all that jazz.  I care that they’re more than that.  I hate the idea that a character having a stereotypical trait (assuming its not straight-up a caricature) makes them automatically stereotypical.  Sorry buddy but smart asian people exist.  Preppy blondes exist.  And food-loving fat people exist (hi! i know that last one is true because I am one).  But they’re so obsessed with ignoring Hunk’s other traits - his love of cooking and his engineering skills.  I dont even remember if he used his engineering skills in season 2 and I know he only used it once in season 3.  He didnt even cook in season 3.  And I think the most telling thing in this show is how the show described Hunk’s relationship with Shiro.  As Keith was expressing grief over loosing essentially his big brother figure, Lance thought back to when he viewed Shiro as a legend and a hero, Pidge reminisced about how her father and brother used to praise the guy, and Hunk?  Hunk basically said “uhhhhhh he taught me to pilot my lion.....that counts right.”  Because Hunk has no relationship with Shiro.  Because Hunk has no relationship with any character.  He doesn’t even have that much of a relationship with Lance, and the two seemed to be best friends - or at least friends - prior to the formation of team Voltron.  At best, Hunk is friends with Lance and Pidge.  But all Hunk has done with Keith is make bad jokes while Keith acted all loner-y, and Hunk hasn’t even interacted with Allura and Shiro.
- Now, speaking of Lance, lets talk about him.  While Hunk gets points from me because he’s a sweetheart who deserves better, Lance is a flirter whose too high on his own horse and makes even worse jokes than Hunk does.  Considering Lance is the one we follow in the first episode, I would’ve expected him to be the most centric member of the team.  But first off, fuck me for projecting anime stereotypes/tropes onto a western cartoon (even though voltron was originally an anime kinda but shhh), but secondly he actually is...the most forgettable of all the Paladins.  Yeah I said it.  I legitimately dont like Lance at this point.  Yeah, I said that too.  I basically cant remember anything about him besides the fact that he flirts and jokes around a lot and that Klance is inescapable (like, not that its inevitable that you’ll ship it, but you’ll never escape the fandom for it).  He’s Sokka with all the charm, intelligence, and depth taken out of him, and also bi but that’s the only improvement.  Seriously, what...draws you all to Lance?  I dont want to judge, but he’s just....so stereotypical.  So boring to me, despite being the most lively paladin.  And the development cockteasing.  Oh, the development cockteasing.  I cant tell you how many times I’ve gotten my hopes up specifically because of something the show said about Lance/Lance seeming to be insecure about something, only for them to immediately shoot it down and replace it with more bad jokes or...nothing at all.  Because did Lance even do anything in season 3?  He pilots Red now, he had a funny bit with Blue during the “breakup”, he comforted Keith, Keith comforted him, uhhhh ??? did he even have a line in episode 7??  I feel like there might’ve been episodes where he literally had no speaking parts.  The only good things I can say about Lance so far are: 1. sometimes hes really fucking funny, and 2. it looks like they COULD be building up to something.  But if they’re just cockteasing me all the way through, I’m disowning dreamworks entirely.
- The tone of the show? also shouldn’t vary as much as it does.  The tone of a show varying is fine, but it shouldn’t vary in the way it does in Voltron prior season 3 (I’ll get to what I mean by that in a second).  In season 1 and season 2, the heavy moments of the show were almost entirely carried by Shiro; there was something for Pidge and something for Keith, but even then, Shiro got involved or was there for the entire time.  Shiro, by merely existing, brings the tone of this show down to something almost too serious for a kid’s show (emphasis on almost).  During the light-hearted parts, he just has to keep his mouth shut, because the only time he’s done anything funny (besides ironically funny like with his new outfit and haircut) was when he was yelling at Sven.  Yelling should not be your only source of humor.  But the rest of the show?  Was pretty goofy, yeah it took itself seriously sometimes but it also knew how to have fun.  Which is fine, a show should be able to have fun sometimes.  But that means all parts of the show, including Shiro.  Shiro is physically incapable of having fun and that’s kind of sad.  Season 3 was better about this though; nothing in season 3 felt fun and goofy, like at all, besides Lance taking selfies with girls in the first episode, and that was just one scene.  So I mean, they didn’t fix their problem, but the tone didn’t vary as much.  And I’m not saying the tone shouldn’t vary.  No, it should; you shouldn’t have all serious moments or all goofy moments.  Have some fun, but also take yourself seriously sometimes.  The problem is that parts of the show can’t take themselves seriously (Lance, Hunk) and other parts of the show can’t take a joke (Shiro, Zarkon/any villain too but they get a pass since they’re villains).
- Also we REALLY should know all of the Paladins’ backstories by now, ESPECIALLY Keith’s.  I know his is a mystery, but we need to know what he knows or else we cant get invested in the mystery.  If we dont have the same facts as the characters, we dont know where to start or what to expect.  We should’ve also seen flashbacks to Lance and Hunk’s families - ESPECIALLY Lance’s, since he seemed to care so much about them, but welp now that’s gone :).  We should’ve also seen more flashbacks to Pidge’s family but at least she’s trying to find them.  Nobody else gives a shit about their families and I just.  Aaaaaaaaaa this show infuriates me sometimes.
Avatar: The Last Airbender: - There’s nothing wrong with ATLA, move the fuck along
- I’M JOKING IM JOKING SWEATS okay but it’s no surprise I like ATLA and think its near flawless.  But still, it’s near-flawless, not flawless.
- If you cant stand a little kiddish cheese, you wont be able to stand ATLA.  ATLA takes itself super seriously for something on Nickelodeon, especially something on Nickelodeon in the mid-to-late 2000s (god I wish I watched this show as a kid, my standards would’ve been so much higher and i would’ve known what animation could actually do if you tried) but it’s still written for kids.  Which is fine!  I actually prefer things written for children over things written for adults.  But if you can’t handle something with content that’s clearly written for children, ATLA isn’t for you.
- Ozai fucking sucks.  There’s no other way to put it, his character fucking sucks.  He’s meant to be the embodiment of pure evil, he’s not meant to be sympathetic like Zuko, but for fuck’s sake, we needed his backstory.  And no, The Search doesn’t count; love that comic book, but that’s not enough backstory on Ozai (unless I’ve forgotten an important scene in the comic, idk its been a while).  Azula isn’t a sympathetic villain but we see her reasons and backstory.  Give us something like that for Ozai.  Show us a character that was emotionally neglected and then grew up in a society where killing and genocide were encouraged and praised.  THATS the backstory for Ozai I want.  I want to know where he came from to fuel my hatred for him, to see him as a real person but not as someone who should’ve done what he did, and I want to hate him BECAUSE he feels like a character.  Right now he just feels like the embodiment of evil and that doesn’t make for a good, truly intimidating villain.  A truly intimidating villain is one that you understand and can possibly relate to.  Not...whatever the hell Ozai is.
- Katara and Aang’s romance plot fucking sucks.  I am ace/aro and cannot write romance for shit nor tell when characters have chemistry, but I can still tell this.  It’s not...forced?  It’s not...rushed?  But it’s unnecessary and poorly written and it’s just puppy love and honestly if it was real live I couldnt see their relationship lasting.  Also the idea of seeing someone as a brother and then dating them later is verrrry .... poorly worded to say the least bUT ANYWAYS NEXT BULLET POINT
- Toph and Suki could’ve been developed more.  Like, they were okayly developed, they were great characters, but idk.  Toph didn’t grip me nearly as much as Sokka, Aang, and Katara and I feel kind of bad about it, but thinking about how much development the others got compared to her, it’s not really surprising.  I also am not the hugest fan of rude characters anymore, but I digress.  Also Suki.  Suki had like, little to no development.  I want Suki to be part of Team Avatar.  Can we do that
- General Zhao also fucking sucks.  He’s so generic that the first few times I watched the show, I forgot he was even a significant reoccuring villain.
- Sokka could’ve also been more developed but they could’ve all been more developed honestly?  You can always add to perfection.  I shouldnt complain about Sokka tho, he was finely developed and I love my nonbending son
The Legend of Korra: - Uhhhh the first season’s ending?  0/10 bad, rushed, not good.  I wanted to see Korra deal with the loss of her other elements.  I wanted to see her cope with that.  But no, because Nickelodeon kept screwing over LOK, they had to rush it because otherwise it wouldn’t have been a happy ending for the series if they potentially had to end it after one season.  Fuck Nickelodeon :) but I’m still going to critique LOK for it even if it is Nickelodeon’s fault.
- Bolin and Mako were horribly underdeveloped.  Especially Bolin.  It’s so sad how underdeveloped “Team Avatar” was in this series compared to the last series.  I feel bad complaining about Toph, Suki, and ESPECIALLY Sokka in comparison to LOK.  The only one even comparably as bad is Suki, but she got half a season to be developed and these two got an entire series.  We got some of their backstory and then...that was it, besides the love triangle that Bolin was barely part of.  I guess they were kinda irrelevant for season 2 and season 4, but they had no reason to be missing in the later half of season 4, plus they had season 1 and season 3, so....  God, poor Bolin.  It would’ve been nice to see a nice (fat) comic relief guy like him get the same treatment as Sokka, but whatever....its fine.......ill just sit here patiently waiting for my good representation coughs.  Also all Mako did was do the love triangle and I Do Not Like Him for it.  Keith is a better Mako than Mako ever was because Keith dont need no love triangle and also he already has more development
- Asami also should’ve been more developed, but it looks like there’s potential for more development in the comics so thats good.  From the series alone though, she was pretty flat; better than Bolin and Mako for sure, better than Suki from the original series, but not nearly as good as Toph or the others.  At least she did have some development and a likeable personality that’s relatively original.
- I hate saying this but...Korrasami should’ve been more developed.  I wouldn’t like, take points off of a rating for this point because I mean it was the first lesbian/gay representation in a kids cartoon (from my understanding) and Nick might not’ve even known they were sneaking in something romantic at the end, not to mention they completely subverted the love triangle plot so it actually gains back favor in that way and its great.  Also, I mean, they had that buy-curious joke lmao.  And I’m pretty sure its expanded upon more in the comic; there wasn’t really room to expand upon it in the show because it was just starting.  But they probably could’ve done better than that.  It was still okay though and also, the subverting of the love triangle trope is the greatest thing ever and i long for the day that I can do that plot twist in one of my shows lmao.
- The Villains could’ve been more developed.  Besides Ammon (who is FUCKING AWESOME and you can FIGHT ME) they all had the same problem as Ozai; we dont have many reasons to see them as human or relatable and it makes it hard to hate them as much as we should.  I mean, they do show /some/ human qualities which I appreciate, but I dont entirely understand their motivations half the time and I want to know how they came to view the world the way they do.  But at least unlike Ozai, they do feel somewhat human.  (Except maybe Unaloq, I didnt like Unaloq very much)
And that’s like half of what I could say about each of those shows, and those are just some of my favorite shows I watch.  Dont ask me to go off on like, AOT or something, because I’ll be writing for another three hours lmao (actually feel free to because i wanna INSULT this PIECE OF GARBAGE ANIME that looks rlly pretty but otherwise IS BAD AND IDK WHY I WATCH IT lmao [idk if im joking or sincere sorry])  No show is flawless so I’m going to insult whichever flaws I see.  Fight me.
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12:00PM - Dose Day
Well. I have to say I’m convinced.
Last night was hard. Not in all of the ways that make things obvious, but rather in the subtle ways that you don’t even know you’re doing/are habits until you’re suddenly without them.
So the microdosing schedule I am on consists of a dose day, an after effects day (the day after), and then a “normal” day, followed by another dose day (today actually). I just took 0.2g of mushrooms (via capsule). This is double what I took Sunday. But before we get into that (and while I wait for my stomach to digest the vegetarian capsules) let me tell you about my night last night.
So last night into today is my “normal” day. This is the day, typically, as you’re finding the right amount for your microdosing, that things should feel normal. The problem was, I wasn’t entirely certain if what I did take was really still affecting me. I woke up, got ready for work, and was productive until 1:30am (when I normally get off the road because of drunks and assholes driving and you just never really know who you’re picking up at that time). My night started out pretty normal; I did hit the snooze a bit, but I got out, deep cleaned my car, and got on the road. Most of the rides were good, and I was able to chit chat easily...but as the night wore on I just found myself...irritated.
Not the last ride before my break, but a few before that I picked up this couple. It was just a couple blocks from my house, and I’m sitting there waiting, and this guy, we’ll call him Jake because I honestly don’t remember his name, comes out and is just like “let me set my drink down.” No big, sure whatever. He walks to the other side of my car, there’s some kind of wait, and then he opens up the passenger door behind me, and is like “I’m just gonna say goodbye really quick” closes the door, and walks back around my car to this dark corner that he came from, that I can’t really see. At this point, I’m feeling irritated and that my time is getting wasted. He finally gets back over, sits behind me, and I put my car into drive to drive off. Suddenly, I get this pounding on the back right door, and this chick is like hitting my car so I stop, and she opens the door and is like “I’m going.”
OK. Whatever. The ride is just to Dirty (a sleezy dance club) that’s maybe 5 minutes away, get in so I can drop you guys off and forget you ever existed. Except I can’t. Because they were horrible. The first 2 minutes was them bickering over this guy named Jason, and who he was to her. (Drama) She then asks if she can smoke in my car, and I say no, so she’s like “Rude.” They then are fighting because she originally wasn’t going to come, but now she is, and he’s pissed for some reason (side-slice maybe??) and honestly they’re disrespectful AF and rude as all shit to each other.
She then makes fun of him for being 30. Fam. I literally thought I was picking up 19 year olds for the way these two fuckers were acting. Needless to say, I drop them off, and 1-star them so I don’t ever have to pick them up again.
NEXT RIDE: I pick up this couple from Scandals (a gay bar). We’ll call the guy Seth, he’s the one that ordered the ride. The two get in my car, and something just reads trans about the woman (tall, deeper voice, but gorgeous af, the guy was meh) so I’m just thinking “aww, cute queer couple.” She wants something to eat before going to Holiday Inn (where I just assume they’re staying). But like...there’s something off about Seth. IDK what it is. But my spider senses are tingling. There happens to be a Jack in the Box across the street from the hotel, but of course I have to go through the drive through because it’s that late. I NEVER do drive through rides. Fucking order UberEats. But I was feeling generous, and the woman and I were chatty so sure, whatever. But on the way there, this guy is like...making these really off color jokes. And not in a good way? Like one of them I’m trying to remember the words, but can’t, but basically it’s him joking that he does it bareback (without a condom). STILL assuming this is just some sweet queer couple, we wait forever in the drive thru line, and he’s still making these jokes...like...it’s when you have that friend that tries to copy your mutual funny friend...but doesn’t quite LAND the joke? So it just feels awkward and a little creepy? He says something about “you better order from the dollar menu” and she’s just like “whatever” and orders what she wants, but makes a comment about how her shoes are $600 and if he doesn’t want to pay for a burrito... That is when I realize she is a sex worker, and they’re going to the hotel...well, I don’t have to finish that sentence. But let me tell you...I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER FUCKING THAT SLEEZE!!! So long as she’s a free agent and sex work is what she wants to do, more power to her, but DAMN. After being in that car with that guy for 10 minutes I NEEDED A SHOWER. Barf.
I gave one more ride before taking my break (uneventful) but like the whole time I’m just...annoyed and irritated. And I have no reason for it. I have snacks, I had a good nap, I’m making bank...but I just can’t shake my mood. I come home, and decide to make some soup and have some rustic bread with it...and then I make the MISTAKE. I convince myself I can just close my eyes for like an hour before being back on the road. WRONG. SO WRONG. Big mistake. Big. I wake up at 6 when I was supposed to be back on the road at 4. And the WHOLE TIME I felt weighted and negative and just exhausted (despite sleeping another 5 hours) and heavy. I didn’t want to do anything, was not motivated, and even procrastinated making this post, even though the last couple days I’ve really enjoyed journaling. My anhedonia was beginning to creep back in.
My morning finished with a phone screening appointment for a therapist that I forgot I had, while I had a woman I had just picked up in the back of my car (her car got a flat) because I couldn’t reschedule. I NEVER take calls when I’m on the road. But...at least the woman found out her driver was not contemplating suicide? Though I’m sure she left with questions about who my abusive ex was, and what family issues I might have (since I mentioned both in the call). OH WELL.
So...rolling back around to the first paragraph in this long post. It made me realize what I was feeling leading up to, and then after my nap is my current “normal.” The easy, breezy covergirl feeling I was having these last two days was the mushrooms. The exhaustion, the lack of motivation, the heaviness in my body...that had been gone for the last couple days allowing me to be more me than I have been in a long time. I was no longer smiling. I didn’t want to talk to people. I just wanted to lie down and do nothing, while the days previously I was writing campaign stuff, cleaning, going about daily tasks as if it cost me no spoons. (if you don’t know about spoon theory, you can find it here)
So, now we’re at 12:24pm. The first dose kicked in about 45 minutes to an hour after taking it. I’ve now doubled my dose from 0.1g to 0.2g. I’m taking the rest of the day off to sit and ponder, but I DO need to go get my breaks done this afternoon.
About the pondering: IDK what you believe or don’t but I do somewhat subscribe into the theory of the Law of Attraction. (That link is to the “documentary” about The Secret.) BUT, I don’t believe that that law is something “mystical” (even though I am, myself, a mystic). Rather, I believe that when you approach things with intention, the outcome is more profound/clear/pronounced because you went in with a goal in mind already. For example: you “attract” more successful people in your life to coach you to become successful not because you thought about it and made it “manifest,” but because you thought about it and looked for the tells of the type of success you wanted to achieve and because that was in the forefront of you mind, you kept your eyes open for those things and recognized when they were in your path. It’s easy to find a bean when you’re looking for a bean.
A lot of the articles and such that I read on microdosing before slowly wading into that pool talked about intent. You can take drugs to feel better, but what really have you learned or what habits have you changed to change your life if you’re not using this opportunity to reflect? The idea behind microdosing is not to take drugs. It’s to use a small amount of a substance that has been known for centuries to heal parts of your brain that’s currently misfiring. I remember what my life was like before I had depression. For a couple days I had glimpses of that back. Microdosing isn’t forever; in fact, most say you should only do it for a month at a time, and many have not had to repeat the dosing, but have shaken their depression (or at least to something highly managable) with only one session (about a month, taking a microdose every 4th day).
So, today while I try this 0.2g (which seems about average for a microdose (they can go between 0.1g - 0.5g) I think that’s what I am going to think on. I know that I want my motivation and creativity back. But what does that look like?
It’s now 12:40PM. I thiiiiiink something is happening, because I’m noticing subtle shifts in light. Nothing crazy, but the blue of my Tumblr dash just looks more...blue-y. More saturated.
If you got this far...I’ll keep you updated. 
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