#i thought i was over doctor who but this scene still makes me cry hard who would have thought
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Exhaustion: Austin Butler
Austin Butler Masterlist
word count: 948
Request: Fluff with reader constantly reminding Austin to relax during the filming of Elvis and his forgetfulness to take care of himself lands him being hospitalized idk more could be added there...
You had been worried about how hard your boyfriend Austin was pushing himself with the filming of Elvis, you understood that he wanted to do a good portraying Elvis in the film but at the cost of his health? and that worried you. Today he was only supposed to film a couple of scenes and then be done for the day, but when the clock inside of his trailer read 6:30 pm you knew it was gonna be another long day.
"Hey baby, I'm sorry filming is taking so long, it's just that I felt like I could a few more scenes." He said taking a seat next to you.
"It's alright my love, I just don't want you to overwork yourself is all. I'm sure no one would be mad at you if you took some time to rest." You said lacing your hand with his.
"No I know they won't be and I have been watching my health. I promise nothing is going to happen to me." He said to you before placing a kiss on your lips.
The few weeks you noticed Austin was more tired and more agitated and every time you told him he should take a break and rest he snapped at you which you knew wasn't intentional but still it hurt a bit because you were only trying to look out for his wellbeing.
Right now you were off to the side with Baz and Olivia watching as Austin performed the Trouble number but you started to notice how off-balance he was, how tired he looked, and thought about intervening when you saw him collapse on stage.
"Austin!" You said running over to him and kneeling in front of him as Baz said he called an ambulance.
"Austin baby." You said as the tears streamed down your face when you saw the paramedics come over to you.
You rode in the ambulance with Austin while Olivia and Baz said they would meet you there. Once you arrived at the hospital they asked you to wait in the waiting room while they diagnosed him which you understood but you couldn't help but worry.
"He's gonna be alright, don't worry." Olivia said squeezing your hand but you couldn't help but worry.
"I need some fresh air." You said getting up and heading outside since you felt like you were suffocating being in there.
You sat out there for a few minutes trying to calm yourself down from having a panic attack when you felt a pair of arms around you and you honestly didn't care who it was at this point you just needed someone.
"He's gonna be alright, the doctor said so. Baz went back there to see him and I came to see if you wanted to see him." Olivia said as you nodded your head.
Austin was confused when he woke up and heard beeping and saw Baz sitting next to him, why was he in the hospital, and more importantly where were you at?
"Easy there, you gave all of us quite a scare when you collapsed on set." Baz said helping him sit up.
"Collapsed? What do you mean?" He asked confused.
"You collapsed from exhaustion. Austin why didn't you tell me that you were exhausted, we could've taken a few days off so you could rest. Like do you know how dangerous that was? Your girlfriend is sitting outside this building crying because she's so worried about you." Baz said as Austin sighed.
"I'm sorry I just wanted to continue filming and making a great movie." Austin said to him.
"It's alright I understand but you also need to know that you are not Elvis, you are Austin with a beautiful girlfriend who loves you and a family that loves so which is why in addition to the two weeks that doctor recommends you rest, I want to you to add three weeks to that since we are ahead of schedule with filming and talk with her because she loves you so much Austin." Baz said as they heard a knock on the door.
Austin watched as Olivia and you walked in and all he could focus on was your tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes he never meant to hurt you like this. You stood to the side taking him grateful that it was just exhaustion that maybe him collaspe.
"Olivia let's give them some space." Baz said as Olivia said she was glad Austin was okay before leaving them.
"Baby come here." Austin said petting a spot next to him on the bed.
You mindlessly moved over to his bed and took a seat on it before wrapping your arms around him and burying your head in his chest feeling more tears threatening to fall as you felt Austin wrap his arms around you.
"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened these last few weeks I never meant to hurt you or get upset at you in any way. I should've listened to you more because I know you were only looking out for me." He said.
"You about gave me a heart attack when you collapsed on set and weren't responding to me. I love you Austin and don't want to lose you." You said looking up at him.
"I love you too baby, I promise to take better care of myself from this point forward because I don't want to lose you either." He said pressing a kiss to your lips.
#austin butler#austin butler fanfiction#austin butler x yn#austin butler x reader#austin butler x you#austin butler imagine#austin butler fluff#austin butler angst
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A Touch of Green
A/N: Hello all, I’ve been replaying the Spider-Man games and now have Peter Parker brainrot because he’s just too freaking adorable. Anywho I was inspired by the dead plant in the opening scene and immediately thought, ‘oh this poor boy, he’s trying.’
Also I wrote this with game Peter in mind but you can really imagine any Peter you prefer, hope you enjoy!
The plain truth is that Peter Parker couldn’t keep a plant alive to save his life.
It was a hard pill for him to swallow. For crying out loud the boy could make web bombs but couldn’t figure out how to keep a succulent thriving for more than a week. You couldn’t help but find it endearing, especially when he would text pictures of his poor neglected plants. Always captioned with ‘I don’t know what I did wrong!’ Usually followed with crying emoji, a pouting one if he was feeling super defeated.
You remembered when he first moved into his apartment, he was so determined to brighten the place up. It’s just a tragedy that so many lives were lost in his endeavor.
“Oooo Pete look at this one, it’s only two dollars,” you pointed to the Rattlesnake plant that had seen better days. It was a sad sight, brown leaves falling towards dry potted soil.
“Uhm, yeah that’s a good price but it’s dead baby, don’t you want to get one of the greener ones?” He asked with his chin resting on your shoulder. One of the many things you loved about Peter was how openly affectionate he was. You sometimes wondered who was the more touch-starved out of the two of you.
After placing a quick kiss on his cheek you leaned down to move away a few of the dying leaves to reveal healthy stems and the beginnings of new growth. “Well it’s not fully dead yet, it just needs some love and new soil. I think I could easily save this patient, Mr Parker.” Teasing each other came as naturally as breathing most days.
“There’s not a doubt in my mind about that Doctor,” he said while picking up the pot to place it in your shared cart. You both still lived in separate apartments despite being together for almost two years now. It wasn’t like you hadn't discussed it before but the fear of change and the idea of sharing space caused the topic to be pushed to the back burner. You did ease his worries when you told him that there’s no one else you’d rather live with, it would just take some time, maybe once your lease was up for renewal this year you could both come back to it. “Ya know maybe I should pick up one too…”
His fingers were playfully slapped away from the potential victim. “No, no absolutely not, you are not killing another plant on my watch Pete.”
“Awww now that’s just not fair babe, I swear I didn’t even miss a watering day on my last one!” You couldn’t help but laugh at the affronted look on his face. He’s just so naturally charming it hurts.
You pushed the cart over to where the bags of soil were placed before attempting to pick up the indoor plant mix. The action was immediately halted by Peter nudging you aside so that he could grab it instead, ever the gentleman, you thought wistfully. “Yeah and then you ended up overwatering it love. You drowned that poor plant!”
“I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to water it every day…”
“It was on the care card Pete, did you even read it?” You knew damn well that he didn’t but boy was it fun to mess with him.
His hand came up to scratch the back of his neck, “I…may or may not have lost the card on the way up to the apartment that day.”
You patted his cheek lovingly, slight stubble underneath your fingertips. “What am I gonna do with you?”
“Love me, kiss me, smother me with affection. It’s honestly the only way I wanna go at this point.” You loved his smile, it was so boyish and warm and it just made everything seem right in the world.
“Oh I’ll smother you with something…”
“Oooo you promise?” His hand discreetly traced your ass, which if you could feel it was it really that discreet? He had always surprised you with how flirty he could be, you assumed that he was just full of blushing anxiety when you first met him.
“Head out of the gutter pretty boy, we still gotta do some grocery shopping for dinner.”
His long eyelashes batted themselves at you, “awww you think I’m pretty?”
You smiled at his ridiculousness, “yes, very pretty, now I’ve got chicken thawing in the fridge so what do you think? Should I do chicken fried rice, alfredo, or some chicken soup since it’s kinda chilly?”
“Hmmm, decisions, decisions…” you could see him suddenly freeze, his spidey sense pumping the brakes on your outing. His phone dinged in his pocket and sirens could be heard in the distance. He gave you an extremely apologetic look, puppy dog eyes and everything. You would have hoped by now that he knew you understood. New York needed their Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, even though they didn’t always deserve him. “I’m sorry baby…”
“It’s okay hero, but you still gotta choose which one I make cause I really don’t wanna decide.”
“Uhm, alfredo! I love you so much, I’ll call you later!” He smushed your cheeks together before placing a quick kiss on the fishlips he had created. He was such a goober, but you loved him for it.
“I love you too.” Your eyes never left him as he weaved between the aisles before barreling out the door. Apologizing to multiple angry New Yorkers he bumped into along the way. You couldn’t help but laugh, thinking to yourself, there goes my boy, off to save the world.
Once you picked up some noodles, broccoli, mushrooms and ingredients to make the sauce you started to make the trek home. Paper bag in one arm and your new plant baby cradled in the other.
The train was a little late, but what else was new honestly? Once you were seated you heard a notification ding on your phone automatically knowing that it was about Peter’s latest heroics. You told him a while ago that you had notifications set on your phone for all things Spider-Man. You just wanted to know that he was okay, and you were also amused by the ridiculous articles on Spider-Man’s love life. Apparently there was a robbery happening somewhere but there weren’t enough details released yet, you figured Pete would tell you about it later when he came by. Finally arriving at your apartment you leaned against the elevator wall, drained from the day but excited to work on the home tasks you had been mentally compiling throughout the afternoon.
Your new plant was situated in front of the window. It was much shorter and greener then when it arrived due to cutting away all the dead leaves but now it was nestled in fresh soil and ready for another chance. You couldn’t help the smile that rested on your lips as you looked at all the green surrounding the window. Jeez I really have a problem don’t I, you thought to yourself. Currently the biggest plant in your apartment was your grandma’s pothos she gave you when you moved. Under her care it had thrived and you were heartbroken when it reacted badly on the trip to New York. Luckily she was a resilient one, and you think she could win first prize if she felt so inclined.
As you gently traced the leaves your mind wandered to Peter which happened multiple times a day. It was like a light bulb went off in your head as you scrambled to reach the top of your fridge that housed multiple empty glass bottles. You knew exactly which one you were looking for and let out a pleased sigh when your fingers grabbed the neck of the bottle. After snipping off a stem from the pothos you gently placed it inside the glass that was now filled with water. The leaves rested over the lip and you couldn’t wait to give the small gift to Peter. I swear if he manages to kill this I’m going to have to take that boy to a botany class or something.
You were letting the sauce simmer on the stove when Pete called you, his caller ID was a photo of him in his Spidey suit holding an armful of puppies that were up for adoption. He had swung by an event the agency had set up in central park and decided to stay to help all of the babies get adopted. He messaged you insisting that you had to come by and see all of the adorable dogs. Most of whom were adopted by the time you got there. You remembered having to play pretend and ask Spider-Man if you could take a picture of him with the puppies.
“Yeah of course Ma’am!” He had said in his fake deep voice that he put on for show whenever he got nervous.
“Hey baby everything okay,” you asked once the call was connected.
“Yup all good, just another bank robbery but it’s all cleaned up and I’m heading your way now.” You could hear the exertion in his voice, the tell-tale sign of him swinging through the city.
The sauce spoon was tapped against the pan to get all of the excess off of it. “Let me guess it was the hamburglar again?”
“Yeah, the guy just doesn’t know when to quit.” The sounds of the city played in the background, cars honking and people calling out as Peter swung above them.
“Well it’s a good thing Spider-Man was there to save the day. I’m gonna start boiling the pasta so I’ll see you in a bit, we don’t need you hitting another building cause you were swinging on the phone.” You would never forget the day that he slammed into a fire escape because he was too excited to tell you about his promotion to pay attention.
“How dare you, I'm a safe swinger…wait no, that came out wrong.” You could practically hear the blush in his tone and it made you giggle.
“You better be safe while you’re swinging!” The declaration was said between laughter at his words.
“Always am, love you bug!”
“Love you too baby.” You blew a quick kiss into the phone, waiting for his responding smooch before hanging up.
He ended up climbing through your window about ten minutes later beating all of the rush traffic. As soon as his feet hit the floor he ripped off his mask and set it on the chair that was designated for his quick changes. “It smells amazing in here!”
“It tastes even better!” You called over your shoulder as you scooped the noodles out of their pot to mix into the sauce. His chest was pressed against your back as he placed a total of three tiny kisses to your forehead. You turned your head so that you could meet his lips in a soft kiss, you were always so thankful when he came back unscathed, most nights weren’t like this.
“Mmmm, not as good as you though.” Ever the flatterer this guy.
You placed another quick peck on his lips, “that’s very true…oh I have a little something for you!”
“For me? You shouldn’t have!” He exclaimed with ten times the energy you would expect from someone who just stopped a bank robbery.
“It’s nothing too crazy but here…tada!” You showcased the little plant chilling in its water bath and you could see the confusion clear as day on Peter’s face.
He held up the bottle, inspecting the leaves like they were his greatest mystery. “I thought I wasn’t allowed to have plants anymore?”
“No, you're not allowed to kill any more plants, which should be incredibly hard to do with this one.”
“Oh I’m sure I’ll somehow find a way.” He seemed nervous, like he was actually afraid that he was gonna fuck this one up.
You made a grand gesture towards the small plant. “No cause see, this, this right here, is your son Peter. You love him, you nurture him and best of all you leave him alone! He’s basically just propagating right now so he just stays in the water and he’ll keep growing. I will of course check on him everytime I come over to your place.”
He teasingly fanned himself like he was overcome by the news. “I really wasn’t expecting to become a dad today, this is just all so sudden…wait is this from your big guy in the corner?”
“Yes and kind of selfishly I hope that you think of me each time you look at it.”
“I’m already thinking of you all the time so no worries there. Hey, is this a bottle from Julia’s place down the street?” It was also the place where you guys had your first date and had since become your favorite shared restaurant.
“What a keen eye you have there Mr Parker.”
His eyes seemed to gloss over with affection, adoration, admiration, and all of the a words that described love and happiness. “I love you.”
You gave that look right back to him tenfold. “I love you too, and because I love you I’m going to politely say that you stink and that you need a shower before dinner.”
“Yeah you can just feel the love in the room.”
#peter parker#peter parker x reader#no use of y/n#the amazing spider-man#spider-man game#one-shot#peter parker cant keep a plant alive#spider verse
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So I finished Gregor and the Code of Claw and hi, I’m bawling. Suzanne Collins apparently didn’t start writing shocking deaths in the name of pointing out the pointlessness and horror of war with Prim in The Hunger Games—she started it with a BAT in her MIDDLE GRADE SERIES which really should be PG-13 at LEAST because GODDAMN.
I think Ares’ death hurt more than Prim’s because he dealt with so much hate after book 1, he was such an outcast even after all he had done to help the Underlanders, but had found love and devotion with Gregor, who brought him back into the family, as it were.
After all the hate and mistrust he’d dealt with, after betraying his longtime bond who he’d sworn to protect with his life in order to do the right thing and save Gregor, after illness and grief and countless injuries, he was still persevering, and finally being accepted back into Underland society. After the training that made him a better fighter with less chance of injury. After the hope Ripred provided by saying the prophecies were bullshit. Just when we were rooting so hard for him and for Gregor, when we thought things might turn out okay—he was cut down in one swift stroke (er, bite). No last words. No ceremony. Just gone.
(And don’t get me started on his claw clutched in Gregor’s unconscious hand in their bond gesture so tight that the fireflies had to CHEW IT OFF OF ARES in order to rescue Gregor. I’m gonna cry again.)
Whereas with Prim, from the very beginning, she was foreshadowed to die. We were constantly worried about her, then relieved when we found out she was okay, time after time. Narrow escape after narrow escape. When she was Reaped, when 12 was bombed, when 13 was under attack.
We even had the scene with Gale describing how his bomb scheme worked—first bomb, the medics rush in to help the wounded, second bomb. And we knew Prim was a medic. It was repeated so many times throughout Catching Fire and Mockingjay. Her taking over Gale’s treatment after the whipping post. Her helping care for Katniss after Catching Fire. In the bunker, telling Katniss she was in training to be a doctor.
Her death was heartbreaking, and felt like pointless shock value at first if you weren’t really looking ahead, but when you dissect the story so far and the morals that Collins was trying to drive home, it makes a horrible kind of sense.
(don’t @ me if I got some Hunger Games stuff wrong—I’ve watched the movies plenty of times, but I’ve only read the books once, soon after the first movie came out.)
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Happy Birthday Scottish actor Gavin Mitchell born 16th December 1964 in Glasgow.
Gavin, best known for his role of Boaby, the barman from Still Game says that his parents split when he was eight and he that his mum cut dad Kenneth out of his life and remarried. Tragedy then struck when his step father died followed by the death of his dad, Kenneth, he then remembers a tough upbringing with a succession of “uncles” and one time his mother going out for a pint of milk and never came back.
Luckily Gavins brother Kenny stepped in and persuaded the authorities he would be able to look after his sibling. Five years later as a young adult Gavin spotted her in the street with one of his “uncles” and followed her to a bar, he said she did not even notice him, he ordered a drink then sat down next to her, she looked at hi and said nervously “Hiya son”
“It was weird. I wanted to know all about her but I didn’t tell her where I lived. I visited her once to check she was okay. She gave me a pound ‘for sweets’ as I left — it was as if I’d not grown up in her eyes.
He saw her once more, just before she died, ravaged by alcohol, and Gavin claims his own childhood experiences are the main reason why he’s never had kids himself.
Gavin has admitted going through bouts of depression through the years but has carved a career for himself, though admits at times it as hard as a struggling jobbing actor.
Through the years Gavin has appeared in many well known Scottish shows like Taking over the Asylum, Atletico Partick, The Baldy Man, Monarch of the Glen and of course Taggart, which he was in three times as different characters. We saw him in 2018 as Archibald Mason, a soldier in Outlaw King, apart from the final series of Still Game Gavin has appeared in the Netflix docudrama The Last Czars, in 2019, since then he was in the drama series’ Nothing to Declare, Annika and most recently the Irvine Welsh series Crime.
In July 2019 he was awarded an honorary doctor of letters by Glasgow’s Caledonian University. Although Still Game has ended he admits that for the rest of his life he will be tagged as “Prick”.
Gavin recently admitted having a wee greet during the filming of the last scene for Still Game. It was he who spoke the last lines in the show, with the lie words "Well, look who it isnae", while looking into the camera. He said having the last line felt "unusual" and "affected him more emotionally than any of the other episodes",
The actor went on to explain the circumstances....."I think it's just because I had the final words and so it was quite a weird scene.
"Normally we're all together. When we get picked up in the morning, we get picked up in a van and we travel in together and we all did scenes in the Clansman.
"But that was a really unusual morning because I was on my own.
"I got picked up in a cab, taken down. No-one else was there. Taken into make-up and they turned me into old Boaby as it were and they walked me on set and nobody would look at me.
"Everybody kinda respectfully put their heads down and wouldn't make eye contact.
"The make-up girl came to check on me, Anne Marie, and when she was checking my wig and make-up, she just gently turned me around and I could feel her putting something in my right hand.
"And I thought 'What's that?' and I looked down and it was a tissue and she just pointed at my eyes.
"I realised I was crying and I [at the time] didn't realise it. It was bizarre. I think there was just a lot of weight in that one line. You knew it was the end."
We last saw Gacin in the TV series Nightsleeper, which also starred the popular James Cosmo and the beautiful Katie Leung, with a strong Scottish cat including Sharon Rooney, Alex Ferns, Sharon Small and Lois Chimimba.
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Wip Wednesday
The "Eddie sort-of proposes after the lightning strike" fic... Also about a longer, slower recovery, and Buck really actually accepting that the people around him love him no matter what. It's at 10k already somehow and needs probably another 5? Anyway: here's the opening scene...
Waking up is a shit show. Buck comes to choking on the intubation tube, panicking, trying to claw at his face with leaden arms. He's barely opened his eyes and the room is already spinning, terse voices of nurses only on his right side and only as if from deep underwater saying they'll have to sedate him again if he can't calm down. Trying to plead with plastic still down his throat, trying to hold still and follow instructions to breathe out hard as he can as they pull the horrible slimy thing out of him like a scene from Alien. His first ragged gasps on his own power hurt, his throat burns, his lungs ache, he coughs and it feels like his ribs are going to crack. People are asking questions but they sound so far away, and then he's gone again.
He becomes aware in dim little bursts. Maddie is crying, Bobby is holding his shoulders as Buck begs him not to make him leave, Hen's thumb rubs soothing circles on the back of his hand. His head hurts. Everything hurts. Doctors ask questions that he only knows some of the answers to. What's your name? Buck. Evan Buckley. Do you know where you are? A hospital, obviously. Do you know what day it is? No idea. Do you know what happened to you? Something bad. Something bright. What do you last remember? Eddie. Eddie saying "Go get 'em, cowboy."
Eddie is sitting next to him the first time he's really lucid. He looks fucked up. His hair is greasy, he hasn't shaved in a while, the bags under his eyes are big enough to carry groceries for the whole station. His hand is gripping the side of Buck's mattress, the taught stretch of skin over his bones translucent and bloodless. Buck's movements are still clumsy but he aims his arm well enough that their knuckles rest together. Eddie's head whips to stare at him, examining his face, eyes slowly tracking back and forth like he doesn't want to miss a single millimeter, and Buck idly wonders if he's got jello on his chin from Maddie's attempt to feed him lunch earlier. Eddie doesn't look like he's in a state of mind to give a shit.
"Hey," Buck rasps. How are you? Are you ok? What happened? How's Chris? I want to go home. My head hurts. Can I sleep on your couch? It's good to see you. "S' good to see you."
Eddie's face crumples. He looks away from Buck, hooks some of his fingers through his own. Buck grips as best he can. He feels nauseous. He remembers that Eddie had looked pale and small in his hospital bed after he got shot, and tries to make himself look bigger, to will blood into his cheeks.
"M' okay." It's sort of a lie, he feels worse than Eddie looks, but he's alive and he takes the deepest breath he can to prove it.
Eddie pulls his hand away with a sharp inhale of his own. He only glances at Buck as he works the ring off his finger. He holds it up, turns it back and forth, and sets it on the tray at Buck's side next to the half finished cup of red jello. It makes a click audible even to Buck's still muffled hearing.
"Don't ever leave me," Eddie says, eyes fixed on the wall behind the machine that monitors Buck's heart beat. He says it hoarsely, with the little furrow in his brow he gets when he's considering something carefully. Like he'd been running through everything he could possibly say, everything he'd thought and felt since light came down from the sky and cracked Buck in half, and those four words are the best way he can find to distill it all.
And Buck thinks Isn't that my line?
And Buck thinks don't make me swear to something I can't guarantee.
And Buck thinks I won't, not ever.
"Promise," is what he says, throat sandpaper. He looks at the ring, then at Eddie, who's still not looking at him. Look at me, please. After a few silent moments he tries to reach for the ring, unsure of what else to do, but the angle is difficult and his vision and arm swim with the effort.
Eddie, finally, looks back at him. He picks up the ring again, and gently grabs Buck's hand. There's a question on his face and Buck doesn't entirely understand what it is, but he nods. Eddie slides the ring onto Buck’s finger, and then leans forward and presses his lips to the strawberry mark above his eyebrow. Buck doesn't close his eyes, staring at the sudden close up view of Eddie's chin, staring as he pulls back again and settles into the chair. He keeps on staring, and Eddie stares back as Maddie comes back into the room, Bobby and Athena in tow. Everybody talks, they joke around, and Buck tries to keep up as he wonders if maybe he wasn't lucid after all.
#wip#wip wednesday#my writing#posting because i keep gettinf distracted and writing other fic absbsbbs proposal fic i need to work on you#but also i have a Buck Gives Chimney A Blood Transfusion finale spec fic rhats much shorter that ill probably finish today or tomorrow#failed to save one older brother with your body parts maybe you can save this one#911 fox#buddie#proposal fic
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𝟚𝟜 ℍ𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤 𝔸𝕗𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝔻𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙 (𝕃𝕖𝕖 𝔽𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕩)
♩ gn!reader, ANGST, mention of cancer/terminal disease (not specific), death, tears and crying, don't read if you're not comfortable
♩♩ word count: 4.2k (omg I'm so sorry)
♩♩♩ A/N: I have no words... I'm sorry
Chan and Minho, Changbin and Hyunjin, Jisung
11:59 PM.
"Can you sing that song for me…one last time?"
You asked, despite the fact that your eyelids were so heavy they could barely stay open, despite feeling like all the strength in your body had been drained from you, you managed to ask.
Felix had been crying until he couldn't breathe, feeling nothing but despair.
But when he heard your words, he still nodded vigorously.
He knew this was perhaps the last time you would hear the song.
"You are my sunshine…"
"My only sunshine……"
Felix's tears dripped down your face.
You paused for a moment and raised your eyes to see the heartbreaking look on his face.
If it were any other day, you would lift your finger to wipe away his tears and tell him not to cry.
But you simply didn't have the strength now.
Just keeping your eyes open took all your strength.
"You make me happy, when skies are grey…"
"You'll never know, dear…how much I love you……"
Your own eyes grew watery as tears flowed down from the corners of your eyes.
His voice was still as beautiful as the first time you heard it.
It has the power to make you experience the magic of falling in love all over again.
However, at this moment, the lyrics of the song did not make you feel as happy as it once did.
You only felt endless sadness and fear.
You knew you would never hear him sing again, never see his smile again.
Just the thought of this made you reluctant to face the fact that you were leaving.
Felix held your hand tightly, trying hard to pass on the warmth from his own body to yours.
But no matter how hard he tried, your body heat drained away little by little.
"Please don't take..."
"......"
But before he could finish the last line of the song, the monitor interrupted with a piercing sound.
A symbol of your life coming to an end.
Felix lowered his head and left one last kiss on your forehead.
"Please don't take my sunshine away..."
Still he braced himself to sing the last line of your favorite song.
Did you hear it?
Y/N, the love of my life, did you hear me?
If you did, open your eyes and look at me...
......
............
..................
Y/N?
12:01 AM.
He wouldn't let go of your body, wouldn't leave the room.
As if you wouldn't leave if he stayed by your side.
Not only the doctors, but also his members came to persuade him.
They all knew that today would be your last.
There would be no more "Y/N" in this world after today.
It was as if the world had accepted your death and that you would one day leave them from long ago.
Felix thought he had accepted it a long time ago.
But when it really came down to it, he realized - he simply wasn't ready.
Neither the fact that you left, nor the days after without you.
He wasn't ready for either.
12:30 AM.
You met three years ago, when Felix visited the hospital to receive treatment for his back injury.
It was a beautiful day, but Felix was not in a good mood.
He didn't get to perform on stage with his members, which was the worst thing that could have happened to him.
After getting his medicine, Felix was about to leave, but just as he was passing the courtyard, a voice came from afar.
"You are my sunshine…. my only sunshine."
It was a voice that instantly caught Felix's attention.
He was not a person who liked to crowd, but his steps were halted.
He suddenly wondered who the owner of the voice was.
It was there, in the hospital courtyard, on a breezy day, when he first met you.
You were sitting on a bench in the courtyard, surrounded by a group of children, singing that song with them.
Your smile and voice, the gentle way you looked at the children, the laughter of those children, the heartwarming scene.
Everything about it made his heart pound.
By the time he came back to his senses, he had joined you.
Singing the song together with you.
"You make me happy, when skies are grey…"
Just like the lyrics sang, your song cleared up his otherwise gloomy mood.
"You have a nice voice."
You said to him after the song was over.
You spoke in the same soft tone.
"You… you do too……"
He didn't know what to say, and for a moment it was as if the whole world was just left with the two of you.
"What's your name?" You asked.
You didn't know about Stray Kids, which relieved him slightly.
"Felix, Lee Felix."
Your smile brightened a bit more.
"I'm Y/N."
1:00 AM.
Felix went quiet once he got out of the hospital.
All the way from the hospital to the parking lot, he stared at the sights and memories of everything that had happened between the two of you.
The patient room, the courtyard, the pathway, the interlocked fingers, the nervous trembling, your smile as always, your song, everything…everything between the two of you ……
"It's like a long…long …… long dream. A beautiful yet sad dream, full of the sweetness of love and the pain of parting ……"
Now that the dream was over, it was time for him to face reality.
Everything in the hospital, about you was to be left behind.
Tears quietly slipped from the corners of his eyes again.
He wondered if he would ever wake up again.
2:30 AM.
Back in the dormitory, Felix laid down on the cold bed.
The members were concerned about him, but he wished to be by himself for a while.
You didn't have an apartment together, you never spent any time together outside of the hospital.
You weren't even properly regarded as his lover.
It was as if you were merely a passing visitor to his life, stopping by just for a brief moment.
He didn't even know where your home was.
Come to think, he didn't know anything about you.
Three years, and he only knew the most superficial things.
Maybe you were deliberately hiding them from him, just like you were hiding your illness from him.
Because you didn't want him to have too much connection with you, too much involvement.
But in the end, it turned out the way it did.
And who could be blamed?
When two people fall in love, nothing can ever stop them.
3:00 AM.
In his dream, he saw both you and him from three years ago.
The second time you met after your first encounter.
It was a week after, and he was visiting the hospital again to get his medication replaced.
He originally thought that meeting you was just a coincidence, something that would only happen once.
But he saw you again, still in the courtyard, this time singing to a group of elderly people.
Meeting him again, you were still smiling at him.
You seemed to recognize him and waved to him at the end of your song.
He didn't care about anything else as he went straight in your direction.
"Y/N… I didn't expect to meet you again ……"
You didn't seem to expect him to come straight in your direction, froze for a moment, but only for a moment.
You didn't exchange more than a few words between you, as he was called away just a few minutes later.
But it was because of this second encounter that he began to look forward to his weekly trips to the hospital.
Then the third, fourth, and fifth time, every week, at the same time, in the same courtyard, you were always there.
Felix watched each passing scene as if he were watching a merry-go-round.
At that time, you were still able to stand on your own.
At that time, you still had the energy to sing.
But at that time, you had no hope for the future ……
Perhaps it was better for you to have no hope.
"Y/N, why are you always in the hospital?"
Three months later, Felix's back had gotten better and he no longer had to come to the hospital every week, but he still rushed to the hospital courtyard at the same time every week just to talk to you.
You looked at him, narrowed your eyes and smiled.
"Because I'm sick."
You said it as if it was something easy.
But that smile did not seem to come from your heart.
Later he learned that you had spent almost your whole life in the hospital.
5:00 AM.
Felix was suddenly awakened by an alarm clock.
Your face faded from his dream.
He blinked and reached for his nightstand.
It was 5:00 AM, time for your medication.
"Y/N… It's time to take your medicine……"
……
Right, you didn't have to take your medicine anymore.
Deleting the alarm, he sat frozen on his bed.
The dorm had fallen completely silent.
There was not a single sound.
He hugged his legs tightly.
He recalled this time yesterday.
At five o'clock in the morning yesterday, he received a notice of your condition.
You had little family and no friends other than the elderly and children in the hospital.
Felix was your emergency notifier.
He knew you weren't going to make it, and he knew your last day was coming soon.
But for some reason, he just kept having a glimmer of hope.
Maybe you could stay with him a little longer.
Maybe he could spend more time with you.
He started crying again.
6:30 AM.
There was nothing crueler for lovers than watching each other die slowly.
After Felix accidentally learned of your illness, every day after that was filled with tears.
He didn't know and couldn't imagine how much pain you must have felt.
Put on a smile and sing for everyone every day, even with all the pain.
Even when you couldn't stand up on your own, you asked Felix to push you in your wheelchair and take you downstairs to the courtyard with him.
You always said you lived a meaningless life.
"God is really cruel, to bring me into this world incomplete without my consent. And now to send me away……"
Whenever Felix heard you say this, his heart ached to the core.
You were always helping others and bringing smiles to their faces.
But then, who was there to save you?
You always told him that he was the angel sent from heaven to save you.
But Felix always has tears in the corners of his eyes.
He believed he couldn't do anything.
He couldn't bring a smile to your face.
Couldn't share your pain.
Couldn't stop your health from deteriorating.
Couldn't stop you from dying.
He wasn't the angel sent from heaven to save you.
He was just an ordinary boy who fell in love with you.
7:45 AM.
A new day began, which was the only relief for Felix.
Minho brought him breakfast and gently stroked his hair, giving him a sense of comfort.
He opened his mouth to say something, but seeing his younger brother like this, he couldn't bring himself to say anything in the end.
He just held his wrist tightly and told him "we are all here for you".
9:00 AM.
Chan came to visit him and brought him his favorite sweets.
Felix looked at Chan, who was like a real brother, saw how Chan didn't sleep well from worrying about him, and threw himself into his arms and cried.
None of the other members knew you, other than your name being Y/N, they knew nothing about you, or the relationship between you and Felix.
Chan just knew that Felix started enjoying his trips to the hospital, and always had a happy smile on his face when he came back.
"Tell me about Y/N."
Felix's head lifted, his eyes still red as he looked at Chan, pupils quivering, hands clenching his shirt.
"I didn't even know at first…that they were so severely ill."
10:00 AM.
You were always smiling, no matter how much it hurt, all the time.
That was something Felix couldn't do in any way.
Especially now.
He always watched you, watched you burn yourself like a match, lighting up others, eventually burning to ashes and leaving the world with nothing left behind.
How could you, who loved to laugh, who was so gentle and kind, suffer from such sickness?
The day he found out about your illness, Felix was planning to confess his love for you.
It was the third month, in autumn.
The leaves in the courtyard began to wither and fall, making crisp, dry sounds when stepped on underfoot.
His back has almost healed up, meaning he wouldn't need to come to the hospital anymore.
But he didn't want to say farewell to you.
He decided to wager everything to confess his love for you.
He knew you were always out and about in the hospital.
He knew you were always wearing a patient's uniform, he knew you were sick.
But he didn't expect it to be such an illness.
He didn't think you would have less than three years left.
11:00 AM.
He didn't want to recall that day.
But now, all memories of you have become his most cherished.
Even that day too.
He remembered blushing as he wrote his phone number on a slip of paper and stood behind the big tree in the courtyard with trembling hands.
He remembered a breeze blowing, and he remembered thinking that now was the perfect time.
He remembered hearing a voice at the moment he was about to step outside.
He remembered what the man said.
"Y/N, as I told you before, you only have three years left in the fullness of time now. Do you want to shorten that already short period of time? What you need now is to recuperate and stop blowing in the cold. Come back to your room with me, it's time for a checkup."
He remembered the sound of his heart stopping.
Remembered that he had never been so painfully distraught.
The paper was clutched in his hands and whisked away like crumbs.
He remembered the next time you saw him and could tell at a glance that something was wrong about him.
"You know, don't you."
He simply couldn't stop the trembling in his legs and couldn't organize any words at all.
"Don't feel bad, Felix. Don't feel bad for me."
"Life is short, but I think I'm doing something meaningful now."
"I don't fear death."
"I'm happy enough."
He knew you were lying.
For the first time, he realized that your smile too had a fake side.
11:30 AM.
"They sound like a very strong person."
Chan was too shocked to even attempt to comfort Felix, who had been through such terrible times.
Felix shook his head fiercely.
"No, Chan hyung, Y/N is not a strong person."
You were just an ordinary person, you can get scared, you can get nervous, you can get overwhelmed, you can get sad, you cry, you fear death, you don't want to leave this world, you don't want to make your beloved ones hurt and sad but you can't do anything about it, you feel helpless, you cry secretly where no one knows, you want to show your best side to others, hiding the side you don't, the vulnerable side, you……
You were just an ordinary human being.
12:30 PM.
Felix received a call from the hospital that your funeral was coming up.
Usually funerals took more time to prepare, but since you knew you were going to die, everything was already prepared.
Felix has been afraid to get involved in those things, he didn't want to face the fact that you would leave him in the near future.
And when the day came, he was still afraid to face it.
"We'll be there for you, don't be afraid."
All eight hugged together, providing Felix with the reassurance and courage he needed most.
The courage to attend your funeral.
1:00 PM.
There were not many people at your funeral. Besides the eight of them, there were only the people you used to sing for and a few doctors you knew.
Your parents didn't come.
Felix just stood there, not knowing what to do.
He stared at the tombstone not far away, and your picture on it.
Just when he felt his legs losing their strength to hold him up, he suddenly felt something grab him by the leg of his pants.
He looked down and saw a familiar face.
It was a child who was often seen around you.
A little boy with leukemia.
"When is Y/N going to wake up?"
He asked in an innocent voice.
Felix's tears instantly started to flow again. He didn't know how to answer the boy, didn't know how to tell him that his favorite Y/N would never wake up again.
1:30 PM.
The children gathered together, took his hand and stood in front of your tombstone.
They muttered something between them, then the leader of the group looked up into Felix's misty eyes.
"Hyung, let's sing for Y/N together!"
"If we sing together, maybe Y/N will wake up and sing with us!"
"Hyung, Y/N said their favorite person is you! If you sing along, they will definitely wake up!"
"Yes, yes, Y/N also told me that they like Felix the most!"
"Felix hyung, why are you crying?"
1:55 PM.
"You're Y/N's boyfriend, right?"
A paramedic called out to Felix as he was about to leave with the members.
He turned back and was about to shake his head in denial, but suddenly a thought surfaced.
This might be the only time he could ever call himself your boyfriend.
So, he nodded.
"That's great."
The paramedic smiled reassuringly.
"Y/N said to give these to their boyfriend, but when I asked around, everyone told me Y/N didn't have a boyfriend… I thought this was just another Y/N joke."
Felix's eyes widened.
Then with trembling hands, he took them.
Wrapped on the outside was one of his shirts, one that he had lent you because you said it smelled like him.
Now, no longer did it smell like him.
What remained on it was the smell of the pungent sanitizer from the hospital room.
And, lightly, the smell of you.
"Thanks…… I'll, I'll keep it safe……"
2:30 PM.
It wasn't really that heavy of a package, but Felix felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.
When he returned to the dorm, he sat back on his bed weakly, then carefully opened the clothes.
Inside, there was the candy you love, a nachimbong that Felix gave you, and a camera.
Upon closer inspection, it was a video camera.
His heart skipped a beat.
He knew this camera.
Since some unknown time, every time he came to visit you in the hospital, there was this camera by your bedside.
But every time he asked what you had filmed and said he wanted to see what was in it, you refused.
"It's not time yet."
Were the words you would say every time.
Now he knew what that meant.
"What year is it again… I forget, but it's a beautiful day."
"This is the first video I'm going to record for you, can you hear me?"
"Hmmm… I didn't know what to say though I said it was going to be a video for you."
"Originally, I wanted to record my mood every day, and then in passing, tell you what I wanted to say to you but didn't dare to in front of you…… But, won't that be boring?"
"Forget it, I'll just go with my heart."
"Once again, Felix, hello, by the time you see this video, I should have…"
"Looks like I'm really not cut out for this kind of thing …… How do you guys manage to talk comfortably in front of cameras, huh?"
"Well …… I'll just pretend like, right now, I'm talking to you."
"Felix… Today you asked me if I was afraid of death, and I told you no."
"That was actually a lie. I am so scared."
"I'm afraid that one day after I fall asleep, I'll never wake up again."
"Leaving this world alone, without any trace, as if I had never been here at all."
"Before I met you, I was not afraid. I really wasn't afraid."
"Because there was never any hope, there was no fear of loss."
"But, since I met you… For the first time, I wanted to live."
"I wanted to see the sun every day, to share myself with you like this… I wanted… I want to heal, to be a normal person, to love you like a normal person."
"But I can't tell you, I can't look you in the eye and say these foolish words."
"I could only tell you that I wasn't afraid, that I was relieved of the world and had no more attachment…"
"I'm sorry….Felix, for not telling you the truth……"
"I'm sorry……"
"Today is the twentieth day of recording, and I don't seem to be nervous anymore, is this how you guys came little by little too?"
"When we were singing today, I realized for the first time that the lyrics of the song were actually saddening."
"When you were singing the song to me, it was like I saw for the first time in your eyes feelings that were not happy."
"I've recently started having a bit of trouble standing up, and just walking a few
exhausts my whole body… Am I about to die?"
"If you were by my side right now, you'd probably tell me not to say things like that again, right?"
"But, whether we want to admit it or not, we're still getting closer to the end."
"I don't know if letting you accept this in advance will make it possible for you to have fewer tears at the end…"
"But no matter what I do, I always feel like I'm being selfish……"
"How can someone like me, who doesn't know when I'll never wake up again, occupy you?"
"…… But you have many, many more lives after me."
"And I will perhaps have only you in this life."
"So, it shouldn't be too bad to let me be a little selfish, right?"
"I just want to… In the last few days…… Be able to experience the feelings of a normal person……"
"…… But, do you even love me? Do you really love me, or do you pity me? Are you only staying by my side because you pity me?"
"Today is the 60th day of recording! It's your birthday…"
"Happy birthday…… I hope that this is not the last birthday I will spend with you."
"Today is the eighty-eighth day of recording ……"
"Felix… Do you think, I am still able to see the arrival of next spring?"
"Today is, the hundredth day of recording."
"I never thought I could actually reach this number…… It's a miracle, right?"
"Today, I pretended I was asleep……"
"Or maybe, it's because, I simply couldn't lift my eyelids anymore?"
"I heard you say to me that you love me……"
"Do you know how much strength it took for me not to cry out?"
"I love you back, I love you so much."
"I don't want to die……"
"I love you……."
"One hundred and third day."
"One hundred and twentieth day."
"One hundred and thirtieth day."
"One hundred and thirty-eighth day."
"……"
"Today is the one hundred and thirty-ninth day of recording."
"This sounds weird, but…… It's like I, like, know that today is the last day."
"I still have, so, so many, so many things I want to say to you……"
"I may not ever, ever get the chance to say them again."
"I thought my body wouldn't hurt anymore……"
"But, every time I think that I will leave you soon……"
"My heart, it still hurts to an unbearable degree."
"If you can, before I go……"
"I'd like, just one last time, to hear you sing our song again."
"But I may, after I fall asleep tonight, never wake up."
"Felix……"
" I haven't even left yet, but I'm already missing you."
12:00 AM.
Nearly nine hours of video, and yet Felix watched it all in one sitting.
He thought his tears had dried up long ago.
But when he watched you say things like "I don't want to die", "I love you" and "it hurts" in the video, he could only feel his heart being torn apart.
He wanted to reach out and touch your cheek, wanted to embrace the you in the video and tell you how much he loves you.
How much he wanted to sing your song again.
Why couldn't he be smarter? Why couldn't he see through your mind…
Why couldn't he stop you from thinking like that? Why couldn't he make you happy?
Why couldn't he do anything……
He just wanted to love you like a normal person……
Why couldn't he even do that……
Why did he feel like his heart just died with you?
#stray kids#skz#skz imagines#stray kids imagines#skz x reader#stray kids x reader#skz reactions#stray kids reactions#skz headcanons#stray kids headcanons#skz scenarios#stray kids scenarios#skz angst#stray kids angst#felix#felix angst#felix x reader#felix imagines
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What if TFP Autobot Starscream did the heroic sacrifice during the 2nd Season Finale + afterwards... How would the Autobots + their allies feel about Optimus and Ratchet telling them all about Star’s Heroic ‘Death’? T_T (And what if Star was still alive... and he was taken prisoner by a Happy Megatron!)
Oh… Another sad scene :’)… Definitely you like to make me cry sweety anon (இwஇ)… Thanks for your request X3!
~~~
When all of Team Prime's managed to reunite, along with Ultra Magnus and Wheeljack, they soon noticed that someone was missing. Optimus and Ratchet still hadn't said anything to the others, not knowing how to explain to them everything that had happened. It wasn't particularly difficult to explain, but to say… it was quite an ordeal.
"Where's Starscream?" Miko asked.
The child's question forced them out of their silence, and the serious expression of the two added a certain concern to the others of the team.
"Where's Starscream?!" insisted the Japanese girl.
Ratchet and Optimus looked at each other, both unsure where to begin. The doctor lowered his head and looked away, while Prime found the strength to look at his team.
“… Starscream is… gone…
- Where?" Raf asked.
If the youngest of the group hadn't really understood the Autobot leader's statement, the others hadn't been so lucky... Miko was the one who looked the most devastated, her expression quickly changing from horror to anger, as denial took over.
"No! You lie! cried out the young girl.
- Miko, what interest would he have in lying?! Ratchet replied, doing his best to contain his snappy voice.
- Starscream can survive to everything! He's not dead! It's not possible !!
- How is it possible…? Bumblebee stammered. How did it happen…?
- …He stayed behind to destroy the ground bridge machine, to prevent the Decepticons from finding us… Optimus answered. But... the base surely didn't hold on against the Decepticons' onslaught...
- He didn't have to do that!! Miko yelled.
- … Unfortunately… he have…
- It would have been enough to put a bomb on it, or… I don't know! Something else!
- Even, by doing that, Soundwave could have extracted data from it…
- But we don't care! By doing that, Starscream wouldn't be dead!"
The Japanese girl closed her eyes tightly, and clenched her fists, while angry tears ran down her cheeks. For his part, Smokescreen lowered his head, blaming himself for not turning around to help him when he had the chance... He had first believed that it would be Optimus who was going to sacrifice himself, given that he had subtly indicated it. He never would have thought that Starscream would...
If he have retraced his steps, he could potentially have saved him… Unfortunately, he hadn't… dooming the Seeker to his death… Bulkhead laid a comforting hand on the recruit's shoulder, and said:
"It's not your fault, kid.
- I could have done better… I… began Smokescreen.
- It's no use complaining… it won't bring him back… Arcee cut him off.
- You're hard, 'Cee… Wheeljack interjected.
- I am only stating a fact…”
Smokescreen was on the verge of getting angry at the motorcycle's detachment, but the two Wreckers intervened, preventing him from going any further. They knew it was Arcee's way of dealing with grief, she had done the same for Cliffjumper.
The warrior didn't once look at the others, keeping her head down and her fists clenched, saying nothing more. Jack and Raf joined her silence, and the younger child was unable to contain his tears, which rolled down his cheeks.
Ultra Magnus kept a solemn silence, because even if he had not known Starscream when he was with the Autobots, he knew that the others had come to attach themselves to him, and so that the moment of silence was completely legitimate for him.
Miko quickly left the hangar, wanting to be alone to fully mourn her grief, Bulkhead tried to follow her, but she quickly dissuaded him. Wheeljack put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder, and shook his head. Bumblebee on his side consoled Raf as best he could, but without success… Fowler looked apologetically at Optimus, and said:
“I'm sorry for your loss, Prime. I realize that he had become a precious friend to you...
- More than a friend, Agent Fowler… answered the leader of the Autobots sadly. He was a member of our family…”
~
Everything was horribly blinding… The pain setting in, hitting him again and again, and he couldn't do anything about it… He kept leaving the real world, returning to a tumult of mindless thoughts and dreams. It seemed to him that he was being shaken all over the place, while he was completely still, unable to move. He constantly lost his bearings.
Shadows were above him, but the harsh light and his blurred vision never allowed him to see beyond the shapes, pushing him into fear and pain, losing him in a sea of darkness.
~
The DarkMount was upright in all his glory, fully facing the receding sun, which seemed split in two by the immense shadow of the monstrous tower. Megatron gazed with satisfaction at the new territory before him, contemplating the grandeur of the Decepticon victory against the Autobots. And, it was not his only victory.
The ex-gladiator left the main room, and headed for the medical bay, where he knew someone was waiting for him. Soon everything would be back to normal, everything would go back to how it was!
KnockOut came out of the medical bay to take a little break, as well as to wipe more quietly the energon that he had on his hands. It was then that he saw the leader of the Decepticons arrive, and he gave him a light salute, while stepping aside to let Megatron pass.
“How is our patient? asked the ex-gladiator.
- He's stable, my Lord. But he still hasn't regained consciousness. answered the doctor.
- It won't be long.
- His frame suffered a lot of damage from the collapse and explosion. To be honest with you, I'm even surprised he's still alive.
- Knowing his tenacity, it doesn't surprise me that much.
- I did my best to fix him, but at the moment his legs are still not functional.
- If it prevents him from running away again, that's fine."
Megatron soon found himself in front of a medical table, where Starscream was lying, unconscious but very much alive. His frame was connected to several machines, one of which kept his Spark stable. His body had suffered multiple fractures, which KnockOut had done his best to repair. He had also repaired the deep nicks and tears that the devastating collapse had caused, and had done everything possible for the Seeker's nearly destroyed wings.
The doctor knew that if he continued on this path, the jet would be able to fly again one day. But for that still it was necessary that the red robot manages to repair the legs of the flyer, who definitively did not work any more, after the brutal crushing of a beam against the spinal column of Starscream. KnockOut even wondered if all this effort was really necessary, while the Seeker's future was still uncertain. The doctor didn't even know why Megatron wanted so much to save a traitor, whom he had never appreciated.
“Excuse my indiscretion, my Lord. But I have a question…” finally said KnockOut.
The leader of the Decepticons tore his gaze away from Starscream, still unaware of what was going on around him, and replied in annoyance:
“I'm listening, KnockOut.
- What exactly do you intend to do with Starscream?"
The ex-gladiator looked intently at the doctor, who began to sincerely regret his question, when Megatron finally answered:
“I intend for him to return to the Decepticons side.
- What?! the red robot sincerely wondered. But, he's an Autobot now! His recent actions have proven this point! Especially his sabotage of the ground bridge machine to prevent us from finding his friends!
- The Autobots are by no means his friends!!"
KnockOut couldn't hide his surprise at the Warlord's sudden outburst, who continued:
“He will come back to my side! His true place is with the Decepticons! With me! He has no place elsewhere!
- And if he refuses…? stammered the doctor.
- Whether he likes it or not, he will stay! He has no opinion to give! I'll end up convincing him! Whether it's the soft way, or the hard way!!"
After this outburst of anger, Megatron left the medical bay, while ordering the sports car back to work. KnockOut simply nodded, and moved closer to Starscream, to resume repairs. The doctor sighed softly, then said:
"Primus…if I were you, Screamer, I'd much rather be dead…"
#tfp#transformers prime#starscream#transformers#maccadam#megatron#knockout#autobots#miko nakadai#jack darby#raf esquivel#dealing with grief#angst#what if#story resquest#thanks lovely anon
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Movie reviews for spooky season!
A Haunted House movie who’s big tag line for promotion was ‘It’s not the house that's haunted’... This film depends on good characters, a creepy atmosphere, uneasy anxiety and scary imagery. James Wan is a legend for launching the ‘Saw’ franchise, and is possibly the best at practical effects in the modern horror genre.
We see a family move into a big old house that happens to be perfect for this haunting movie. Old school, lots of nooks and crannies. The Lambert family seems to have been pretty happy before all this went down. Josh (Patrick Wilson) is a teacher, Renai (Rose Byrne) is a piano player and the boy Dalton (Ty Simpkins) is the kid who likes to get into shit. When he eventually finds himself in the attic, he falls off a ladder. The next morning he doesn't wake up, the doctors say its coma but signs show otherwise.
Renee is the most convinced something supernatural is going on. Doors and windows are opening and closing on themselves. Boxes that are still heavy packed with things are getting shuffled around by who knows what. We (the audience) becomes even more sure than she is as we begin to see the beast in shadows.
The pacing begins to suffer a bit in the second act. As Renai becomes more and more aware of the creepiness and how real it really is, Josh the father starts staying at work to grade papers later than normal, and we get a good twenty minutes of Renai trying to convince Josh something is up. The acting is what saves this section, with some really good performances, its hard to notice the lull in story telling until watching a second time.
They hire a psychic named Elise Rainier (Lin Share), who send over two helpers who mainly exists for comic relief (Angus Sampson and the writer of the film Leigh Whannell). Lin Shaye actually becomes the face of the Insidious franchise, in this first film though, she comes to break the ice and let this family know exactly what she knows this to be by experience.
FINAL THOUGHTS
James Wan nailed this movie when it comes to practical effects, make up, and creating tension by real creepy imagery. There are a lot of jump scares in this film, but the difference is, and the reason this movie is better than all the cookie cutter genre films, is because every scare has some sort of pay off. Every time the score gets more dramatic something actually pops up that is creepy and the camera doesn't just cut away instantly, it lingers on the frame to let us see the creäture we are looking at.
The music plays beautifully with the direction. Lots of stringed instruments playing choppy, creepy chords. The cinematography plays off the writing in the same way, becoming paler in certain instances and brighter in others.
This movie does remind me of my past as well. I remember watching this for the first time in 2011. The scene in Dalton’s room with his dad, Josh. Josh is looking over all of his son’s drawings and comes across a duo that writes ‘Last night I watched myself sleep, and then I flew away.’ As Josh breaks down crying, he is convinced that his son can in fact astro project. In my case, this is called lucid dreaming. I used to be able to know I was dreaming. I used to be able to see myself sleeping and fly away too. Coincidentally, as I've gotten older its become more impossible to lucid dream again. Maybe what they say is true. A childlike mind is so free and capable of anything.
#book blog#writing#fiction#new writers corner#authors#writers and poets#writers on tumblr#literature#music#writers#movies#movie reaction#movie review#making movies#film#halloween movie#happy halloweeeeeeen#Halloween film#spooky#spooky season
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If you're still doing these~! For the Fanfic Writer meme:
14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?
17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?
30. Is there a Bleach character that you haven’t had occasion to write for yet (or who’s cameo’d but not featured), but that you’d really like to it the opportunity presented itself?
14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?
This is really silly because my first instinct was to say "If it's not too selfish--" but this is a purely theoretical exercise in an Ask Meme, if you can't be selfish here, where can you?? Anyway, I would pick one of my longer chapters of Heart is a Muscle, probably Call Me Back When the War is Over, but What We Do with Our Hearts would also be extremely acceptable, and I would like to see it animated in the style of the late OG Bleach anime (think Reigei Arc).
In these stories in particular, I feel like I am always trying to capture the Full Range of Bleach, from the fight scenes to the reaction faces to the dramatic dialogue, and it would be really super cool to see that somewhere outside my own head. ngl, I mostly just want to see the fight scenes, particularly the ones where Rukia fights Ikkaku and the one where Rukia and Renji fight Yoruichi, with sick Bleach fight music. I would also cry a million tears to hear Orikasa Fumiko and Itou Kentarou banter with my dialogue. I want to see Kira make a series of really horrible faces when Rukia and Renji make him go to the Squad 11 bar with them. I want to see how many split screen reaction shots they could possibly fit into the scene where Renji has to go have Fancy Dinner at Kuchiki Manor.
I also have to say that being adapted into comic format would also be extremely cool, I would not say no to any of this.
17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?
Ahhhhh, this is hard because I feel like you know all my Fun Facts! (you probably know this one, too, but I still think it's neat)
Here's one I learned when I was studying travel in the Edo era enabled by the Five Routes. Traveling medicine sellers had a system called okigusuri, where they would just leave their big box of medicine at your home. They would come back on some semi-regular schedule and you would pay them for what you used, and they would re-stock your box. The medicine sellers kept really detailed ledgers that let them figure out which medicines were used in which areas, the rates at which they were used, families' medical histories, etc. These ledgers became so valuable that they could be sold when a medicine seller wanted to retire. The medicine sellers also brought little souvenirs with them, which reminds me of the pens that drug companies give doctors. I thought that was a surprisingly sophisticated business model, except that it's all paper ledgers and people walking around with giant boxes on their backs, and I love that combination of modern and period elements. Here's an article for further reading!
30. Is there a Bleach character that you haven’t had occasion to write for yet (or who’s cameo’d but not featured), but that you’d really like to it the opportunity presented itself?
I don't usually hold back from Writing What I Want and also from shoehorning every character I can think of into a fanfic, so I think my bingo card is pretty well checked off. That being said, I think the answer is actually, believe it or not, Grimmjow. He very much Does Not Appear in my usual circles, and I don't love him to the degree that I want to write an actual Grimmjow fanfic. On the other hand, he is very much an Important Bleach Personality and he's got really fun energy. He also has such huge popularity within the fan community that it just feels kinda weird that I never get to get my hands on him. The most I've ever written him was in one chapter of my Tattoo Artist AU. I think it was short and unimportant enough to be safely classified as a cameo but I had an awful lot of fun writing it. If I could come up with a story that he could reasonably take a supporting character role in, I'd love to have a chance at him.
(full question list here)
#fanfic ask meme#i am sure other people have higher ambitions than their fanfic being made into a filler episode#but NOT ME i had such a nice fifteen minutes fantasizing about which soundtrack bits i would use where
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Grandpa And Grandma Turn Young Again Episode 2 - 58 Years Together
It’s really cute how lovey-dovey Shouzou and Ine are even after 58 years of marriage. Even in their current situation, they find new things about themselves and each other and still get flustered. That’s true love right there!
The episode is mainly just the elderly couple being the power couple of the show as they do this and that. It’s interesting how their younger selves attract a lot of surprising attention from younger people. Like how Mino and Kaede found young Shouzou handsome in the previous episode, Ine gets her fair share of admirers today from two schoolboys who were debating on whether to stay in the rural area or move to the city and get a job. They mainly do cute things like Shouzou buying her a pretty sundress and him doing a kabedon with Ine actually enjoying it and even holding hands to see if the other can read the atmosphere.
However, amidst the cuteness, there is also some bittersweet aspects of the story. The part where they visit their second son Takahiro was rather emotional. Takahiro became a doctor because he wanted to help cure his mother from her illnesses. When he first started out as a doctor, he couldn’t even treat her properly and had to refer her to a larger hospital with a better specialist. The frustration of not being able to give back to his parents really spoke aloud. Then, when he meets his parents and they reverted back to their young state, Takahiro feels happy that he feels like he’s been rewarded with all of his efforts, but the fact that it wasn’t done with his own hands probably makes him feel very conflicted.
More family members appear in this episode aside from Mino and Takahiro. Shiori, Takahiro’s daughter and Mino’s cousin, stays over at their place after she got into a fight with her father. Unlike Mino, she’s stern and hard on herself as she feels pressure from school and expectations. Despite this, she does soften up whenever Ine spoils her and says kind words like “crying means you haven’t given up yet.” Man, seeing Shiori being spoiled by her grandmother makes me a bit envious in a way. My grandparents live in different parts of the world, so it’s hard to visit them at times. Both of my paternal grandparents passed away a long time ago and I don’t really have many memories of them as they don’t really come over often. My maternal grandparents live in South Korea and I haven’t seen them since middle school. So, I never really had a chance to be spoiled by my grandparents a lot growing up and I do envy people who do because it would be nice to have someone I can pour my heart out to.
The reason they got the golden apple was because the tree they took care of thanked them. Also, I’m a bit worried about the hourglass dream. Ine was old during the scene but when she woke up, she became young. I wonder if the apple and hourglass are connected… What are your thoughts on this episode?
#grandpa and grandma turn young again#jiisan baasan wakagaeru#shouzou saito#ine saito#Takahiro saito#Shiori saito#review#anime#anime review#ecargmura#arum journal
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Minato's Laundromat Season 2 Midseason(ish) Check-In
Okay, I am going a bit in reverse, but I desperately want to talk about this scene, first, and then we'll backtrack through the season so far. The main conflict of this episode is the ramping up of the fear/insecurity of Akira, and Shintaro's jealousy. After seeing Shintaro with Dr. Kirihara (who took care of Shintaro when he injured his back) Akira starts to become concerned that perhaps their relationship isn't just doctor-patient. And I'm not fully certain if it's that he thinks Shintaro liked the doctor first, but that it was unrequited, so he 'settled' for Akira, or if he thinks there is an actual romantic relationship happening, and that Shintaro is just not breaking up with him (for whatever reason). And we also see a bit of more focused jealousy from Shintaro in relation to Akira and Dr. Kirihara. But I think the most important scene we've had this season is Shintaro and Akira sitting down for a meal after Shintaro introduces him to Dr. Kirihara as his boyfriend.
It's the very first time that we see that distinction made in public to another person, and Akira is upset by it. I do empathize with Akira about feeling both caught off guard, but also nervous, in this situation, because we are all well aware of the daily violence and discrimination that queer people face. In that moment he's not considering that Shintaro wouldn't have said it if he thought the doctor was someone he couldn't trust, and it's entirely possible that Shintaro had already confided in the doctor regarding his sexual identity in the past. But that's not something Akira would have known. After this encounter/conversation, they're arguing about it over dinner. Akira feels uncomfortable about being introduced that way, he's worried about public perception, but Shintaro isn't concerned about the thoughts of others, he's proud to have Akira as his lover, and if he could he'd tell the whole world. Neither are particularly right or wrong in this situation, which is often the case in life, but more they are not willing to bend and compromise, Akira moreso than Shintaro, but both are still being quite stubborn. Shintaro does make a pretty funny joke about growing pains, at least I thought it was funny, in reference to Akira's consistent resistance to progressing their relationship in any manner., and it's made not to be dismissive, but to try and break the tension.
In an attempt to kind of end the fight Akira begins to compliment Dr, Kirihara, he's handsome, kind, responsible, etc., I think in an effort to express that he understand why Shintaro would form a friendship with him, but it sadly backfires. He specifically calls out that he's 'true adult' which is an area where we know Shintaro feels particularly sensitive about. He's consistently concerned that Akira see him as a child, and so he works very hard to be mature and showcase that he is responsible and can be a trustworthy and valued partner. He insinuates to Akira, that perhaps he(Akira) would prefer the doctor over him(Shintaro), which Akira denies.
Akira then asks Shintaro to list 10 reasons why he wants to be with him. And so he does, quickly, with little thought, he numbers off 11 reasons (cute laughing face, cute crying face, sexy voice, beautiful eyes, very caring, many vulnerabilities, but also well protected, hospitable, constantly changing attitudes, always willing to be helpful, likes to do things by himself). And some are silly, but some are incredibly insightful, and show how much interest and attention Shintaro pays to Akira. But when Shintaro asks Akira the same questions, all Akira can come up with is that he's handsome, which while true, would certainly be disappointing to hear from a partner as your only attractive trait. And this is what worries me. Akira does say that Shintaro caught him off guard, and he couldn't think on such short notice, and that's certainly understandable, but it's still giving very much "What else is there?" (Akira could certainly benefit from a sincere conversation with Lord Rogers for sure.)
And this is the scene where I start to get specifically concerned, because I'm of course worried about all of the characters emotional well-being, that's the point of the show, but for Shintaro in particular, while he may not hold back his emotions to the level that Akira does, he's still very much keeping the true depth of his feelings under guard. So in this moment where he's truly vulnerable with Akira, and Akira not only doesn't reciprocate, but also almost diminishes those feelings, he's dealing a pretty significant blow to Shintaro. In any relationship it's uncomfortable to come to a realization that you are more in it than the other person. That you consider their feelings more, or pay more attention to their likes/dislikes, that you simply listen and observe more. It becomes especially upsetting to see that effort dismissed, on top of little to no effort on the part of your partner to do such things for you. I can easily imagine the hurt Shintaro feels at not only being reduced to only his looks (even if unintentionally) but to also have it made clear that all of the effort he makes goes unnoticed and unreciprocated.
Before you all accuse me of being only on Shintaro's side, I will pause here to talk a bit about what he can work on. While I will easily admit that I give him a certain amount of leeway based on his age AND the fact that we do see him actively working towards self-improvement, there are still some areas where progress can certainly be made. Top of that list is his occasional callousness and dismissiveness in regards to Akira's feelings. We see this in the dinner conversation in his response to Akira's concern over being called his boyfriend, and his reaction to Akira's fear of being 'outed' to community members who have known him since he was a child. I do think that this is a combination of things, one being that Shintaro has a certainty that he is right about those fears being un-founded (that stubbornness again). Another is I think related to their generational gap and difference in experience, Akira has simply been alive longer and lived other places, giving him more insight into the potential discrimination they could face both as a gay couple, but also as an age-gap couple. Finally, I do think these reactions are slightly intended to diminish Akira's feelings in a non-vicious way. And what I mean by that, is it's an attempt by Shintaro to express that Akira is letting these fears be bigger than they should be, that he's seeing a tiger where there's only a housecat. The other thing that Shintaro could definitely work on is his jealousy. And while this is an emotion that both of them experience, Shintaro's slightly more confrontational nature makes it a bit more dangerous for him to fall victims to the green-eyed monster. You can see genuine hurt when Akira realizes that Shintaro believe him capable of cheating, and he doesn't know how to calm that fear.
Now that we've addressed that, I will do a quick rundown on the season thus far. Have I posted much about this show on here? IDK. But I did really enjoy season 1, and I thought the age gap was handled pretty well. Would I prefer it 1. Not be so large of a gap, and 2. the younger partner not be in highschool at the beginning? Yes. But those issues aside, I think it was handled as appropriately as possible.
GIF by i-got-the-feels
Back to my point. I was very excited to learn we were getting a second season, as I kind of felt like the ending of season one felt a little unfinished. Yes, Akira and Shintaro were now a couple, but there was still a bit of a feeling of loose ends. And returning for season two, I feel like there's also a little bit of a back step that happened. Or perhaps not even that, but more that there seems to have been no progression in their relationship in the time between the seasons, which is supposed to be a few months.
GIF by i-got-the-feels
GIF by liyazaki
Keep reading
We start season 2 with Shintaro fully engaged in university, while Akira continues work at the laundromat, and things appear to be going well, but with their busy schedules, Shintaro feels a bit like they don't have enough time together. So his plan is to move in with Akira, which Akira denies immediately, instead placing him in the empty apartment next door. There's clear hesitation on Akira's part for them to move too quickly physically, and most often Shintaro is the the initiator of any romantic physical contact. Now, the pace you move as far as physical relations in a romantic relationship is up to each and every couple based on the comfortability of the participants, so I have no issue with this. But we are given insight into Akira's thoughts, and his resistance is not based on lack of desire, or nervousness, or even as far as we know lack of experience. It's solely based on the fear of falling too deeply for Shintaro and the possibility that because Shintaro is young, he may one day change his mind and leave Akira heartbroken. Now does this seem like a bit of an extreme reaction for a 30-ish year old man? A little, but we do have to consider that we learned in season one that Akira had literally been in Shintaro's place before. He had been in love with his teacher, and had even confessed to him, but now a decade later he's found love with someone else. Putting aside the fact that Akira never had a real relationship with that teacher, which is one factor in how he was able to let go of that relationship, it was still his first love, which is not a feeling or situation a person ever truly forgets. And as an adult now, with the knowledge that first loves rarely become only loves, I think he's looking at Shintaro, and he's not able to overcome the fear that in 10 years, Shintaro will think of him fondly, but be with someone else.
GIF by minatoshouji
GIF by minatoshouji
On the opposite side, Shintaro in a pretty hefty bit of self perception, recognizes that their age difference and that his potential immaturity could be a reason for Akira's hesitance, and so he begins a campaign to show that he can be an equal and valuable partner in their relationship. He actively makes meals, works to be a good communicator. He keeps flirting, he doesn't let Akira forget that he not only likes him as a person and cares about him, but that he's attracted to him. And while he's not subtle about it, he's also not overly pushy.
GIF by save-the-data
Moving further, we get to meet Akira's parents (who were adorable) and it becomes clear that Akira is at least not openly out to them, and I'm pretty sure based on context that Akira is not out in any fashion. They inform him that they are going to be renovating the apartment building that Akira and Shintaro are currently living in, and while that's happening he can live in their house outside of town. When they find out Shintaro is living in the apartment next door, they encourage Akira to take him as well, since the renovations/rebuilding are happening at short notice, so it's the least they can do to minimize the disruption. This again causes anxiety in Akira, as he's already struggling with his emotional and physical feelings for Shintaro, and he knows things will become more difficult for him if they're in the same house and around each other even more frequently. This is kind of where I start to get a little frustrated with Akira. I do truly understand his hesitancy, but I also recognize the potential harm that the emotional distance can create. It starts dancing into self-sabotage territory. If he stays distant, Shintaro will eventually become fed up with it, will stop trying, and will move on, so it all becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As we move into episodes 3 and 4, we see a lot more closeness and acceptance between Akira and Shintaro, specifically, when they're alone at the house, it's easier for Akira to allow more skinship when there's no chance of being seen, I think. This is confirmed when they go to a festival in town (looking absolutely precious in traditional yukatas) and have a really good time, but Akira gets nervous to be seen holding hands with Shintaro. When Akira has the concern that Shintaro might actually be ashamed to be seen with him, so he does some research and buys some new clothes. This is a positive move forward, in that it shows that Akira not only has his own ability to self-reflect, but also that he cares enough to put time and effort into being a partner Shintaro can be proud of.
GIF by smittenskitten
GIF by liyazaki
Now we're fully caught up to the episode which came out today (8/2/2023). There's a lot more work and communication that needs to be done by both of them over the next 7 episodes, but both of them do genuinely have the foundation of love and affection that make it possible. They just need to take that leap of faith.
Hope you enjoyed my ramble.
#minato shouji coin laundry#minato's laundromat#minato's coin laundry#shintaro x akira#shintaro x minato#akira x shin#shin x minato#jdrama#Japanese BL
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[20 Question Fic Writer Game]
How many works do you have on AO3?
Fifteen ! which is wild
What is your AO3 word count?
Oh gosh,,,,,, 229,582 words... holy frick dude what is wrong with me
What fandoms do you write for?
Trigun mostly but on AO3 i do have a single bnha fic and a fullmetal fic. I have some other fullmetal fics saved but i havent been as inspired to write for them lol
What are your top five fics by kudos?
in the meadow - 256
an account of past kisses - 185
vinyl and an alleyway niche - 97
it’s not what it looks like - 91
learning to take breaks - 86
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I absolutely try to respond to every comment. Some get past me or some i feel like my answer would just be really repetitive so i hold off,,,, but i really love seeing comments and responding so that people know that i saw their comment !!!
What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Okay so all my fics are super sweet bc i have a hard time ending things on a dour note lol
I like fix it fics !!!
But i do have a wip in the works that will be hurt/no comfort and that will quickly become my fic with the angstiest ending
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Probably in the meadow. Everyone is crying and in love and its the cheesiest ending ever but i love and adore it because who doesn’t love a little cheese !!!!!!
Do you get hate on fics?
Not yet lol. Im not popular enough for the haters to come attacking. I just have my small and valuable army of supporters WHO I ADORE
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
No i don’t particularly enjoy smut in general. I will on occasion write a steamy makeout but i don’t do smut
Do you write crossovers?
I would enjoy writing crossovers because im a big au fan. I got @veilder to rant to me last night about a trigun x genshin idea and it made me excited bc i like when veil info dumps (i love when anyone info dumps,,, IF YOU HAVE MILLYNAI THOUGHTS PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME)
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that i know of, and if i did it would have been an old one
Have you ever had a fic translated?
No but that would be super fun
Have you ever cowritten a fic before?
Not officially published, but i am co writing with someone right now >:3
I also do a lot of brainstorming and collaborating with people to make my stories and influence others, but those arent particularly co writing
What's your all-time favourite ship?
Vashmeryl and millynai have risen SO HIGH ON MY LIST
Honestly Millynai is my favorite, but Royai will forever remain and all time favorite ship (and tenrose WHOOPS)
What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will?
Hrmmm i have a razmeryl wip i really want to finish but i don’t know when ill have the time to dedicate my brain to their Insane Dynamic
What are your writing strengths?
I think i write with a good flow. Its not so choppy (at least not anymore lol) and it keeps anyone whos reading engaged enough to keep going.
And i appeal to emotion and yall love that dont you
What are your writing weaknesses?
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm i have many
Im repetitive? I use the same words and phrases over and over,,,, and im predictable in how characters act bc i often project myself into them,,, meaning i use myself as a reference and i try not to but it helps make it real in my mind
I often outline too much and scare myself out of actually writing lol
Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
I would certainly try,,, but the only language im really semi-qualified to translate into is American Sign Language (which i would love to do, we are severely lacking in deaf characters)
First fandom you wrote for?
Doctor Who baby !!! my fic is still out there floating in the void that is wattpad
Favourite fic you've ever written?
in the meadow,,,, hands down. Please if you havent read it i would love if you would.... Its quite fun and has redemption and character exploration and kiss scenes and yearning and pining and denial and its a slowburn sooooooooo you can waste a lot of time with it hehe
ty @frappeflamingo for tagging me !!! i needed something fun to do
im gonna tag @veilder and @noaafishfieldguide bc im mean <3
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Thirteen Era Rewatch: Demons of the Punjab
I'm re-watching Thirteen's era in lead up to the Centenary and since this is likely going to be my last full re-watch for a while I thought I'd do a post on each ep where I just go over all the things I love, hate or just have some general thoughts on.
Finally calling the TARDIS she bless up
I wonder if 13 instantly thought of what happened during Father’s Day when Yaz asked to go back. And I also wonder if she thought it might be less of a risk this time around? Bc Yaz didn’t have a secret hope of seeing a dead relative and then potentially saving them like Rose did/ended up doing. She basically just wanted to see what Umbreen’s life was like.
I love Prem. He just has 10/10 vibes
The looks 13 gives Yaz lmao
I’ve seen ppl cry over the 13 assuming the Thajarians are bad but like, why wouldn’t she do that? If they’ve always been known to be deadly assassins and she’s never been given a reason to think otherwise then why wouldn’t she just assume they had bad intentions?
I’ve also seen crying over the fact the Thajarians don’t instantly explain that they’re not assassins anymore but I don’t really see the issue. In their first scene with 13, she’s angry and having a go at them and imo isn’t about to listen to anything they have to say anyways. I think the only moment in that scene that could have warranted them telling her their actual intentions is when she says about not letting them desecrate the planet. If you wanna turn that into some episode ruining moment then you can but imo it’s not hard to go with the idea that the reason they didn’t correct her is bc they thought she believed that what they were doing, honouring the dead, was a form of desecration. Like I feel like it’s very possible the Thajarians have come across ppl/other species who have seen and been told why the Thajarians are there and have been against it so maybe they thought that’s what was going on with 13.
There’s also an argument that they believed 13 knew what they were there to do but she thought that getting rid of them would potentially stop the deaths from happening. Which is why they then say ‘You cannot prevent this.’ And then in their second scene with 13, they’re obviously more annoyed at her bc after invading the hive, she’s literally started taking and messing with their things. In their minds they’re probably like these people are bad and trying to get in the way of the good we’re doing. I do think them talking about standing over their bodies or whatever is maybe a bit harsh especially when we see them with 13 in the third scene and we see they’re more chill but at the same time
Imo it could be taken as them trying to scare everyone into leaving them to their business or it could be a hint of them not being fully reformed, like their assassin ways are still in there somewhere. Or it could be that messing with their rituals like 13 and co are doing is seen as a really awful thing to do so in their mind death is a reasonable punishment. Basically I just think it’s very easy to come up with explanations that work well instead of jumping to ‘Well, the ep is broken and none of this makes sense.’ It gives vibes of purposely trying to find a reason to hate what you’re watching imo
Yaz and Graham’s chat is cute. Low-key funny to me that both Graham and Dan are basically just there to be funny and also be the emotionally mature ones who give Yaz (and in Graham’s case sometimes Ryan) pep talks and advice
Umbreen talking about how she spent ages away from Prem and just as things start going well, Prem dies versus Yaz spending ages away from 13 and then just as they’re reunited and are honest about their feelings for each other, 13 is going to die...
Yaz’s face when the Doctor gets taken??? Ryan and Graham looked shocked but Yaz looks kinda terrified idk
13 asking if the Thajarians have come to assassinate her versus the potential future parallel of the Centenary where they are there for her (but not to assassinate her obviously lmao)
The watch and fobwatch parallel is cute. Whether or not it was intentional doesn’t change the fact that it IS a parallel and it’s just fun to notice things like that
This speech is Thasmin coded. Maybe minus that last bit bc they’re not gonna be able to commit to each other bc 13 is gonna be dead…
Thirteen saying we can’t have a universe with no Yaz versus Villa Diodati where Thirteen is called the universe lol I’m fine
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I really thought Chapter 5 part 2 really emphasized on some good lessons to consider reflecting on.
Spoilers for Chapter 5 Part 2!
Also I’m sorry for the lack of posting, I’ve been busy with life and unmotivated lately. I’ll try to get some stuff out soon 😣
This scene really hit me hard on approaching your weakness and turning them into strengths. The metaphor really brought it home for me and I thought it was rather deep and insightful (also coming from our sunshine baby Kalim? It’s so great!). I find this lesson really important that everyone should consider and reflect on in their daily lives.
Everyone has things they struggle with in their lives but how we handle it really changes how we live with ourselves and experience life. While it’s hard to change your thinking to adapt yourself to suit your own inner strength, it does change how you enjoy life. Life is short, you know? We gotta make the best of it when we can instead of focusing on things we hate (which is hard, trust me).
I just wanted to touch on this and tell other people because it was something I find very relatable that I’ve had to discover myself with some personal traits I thought as a weakness all throughout my life. I hated this part of myself so much but for the past few years, I’ve been leaning how this trait can now become something very important to me. I just wanted to highlight this to other people and let everyone know that even if you think something about yourself is a weakness, you can always see it from another angle and approach it from a healthier side. It’s very hard, but it’s possible to see after experience more of life. I hope everyone can get to a point where they can look past their weakness and embrace themselves for who they are.
I didn’t want to make this post about me as much but if you want my example of how I’ve also used this lesson myself, it’s below:
I’ve always been told I’m sensitive. I’m easy to cry or get upset easily at things. I am a big cry baby. From how I handle stress, anger, sadness, basically anything overwhelming, I cry. I even cry at basically most movies that get sad at some point. I hate crying, even to this day, because of how it makes me feel. I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive when I got upset at something (granted it was important to me, so it’s not like I was over reacting). However, this sensitive nature also fuels my empathy. I’ve always been a very empathetic person who can put myself in other’s shoes (to the point of crying at Doctor Strange 2 🙃). Over the past few years, I’ve realized this empathy has made my friendships stronger. I can empathize and connect with friends when they have struggles or issues. I’ve been able to be a reliable person who will understand or at least get a good idea of what others are going through. I’ve realized being empathic is a double edge sword sadly. I get hurt so much easier by being open and easily trusting but at the same time I am able to foster my friendships by being genuine and understanding to the point where I’ve made so many friends who love me for who I am. I still of course struggle with my sensitivity, but I’ve been slowly leaning that it isn’t all necessarily bad to be a cry baby. Sometimes… it’s relieving for someone to cry over your problems for you, I’ve found out.
#disney twst#blackrabbittwst#twst wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland#twst chapter 5 spoilers#twst chapter 5#personal rant
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my lore under the cut LOL
i've been working on healing from childhood trauma and shit but one thing i still have a hard time talking about is being medically abused as a child. like, mainly i can't talk about it because i literally can't remember it. i get headaches trying to remember huge moments in my life that i know happened from photos or stories but it's completely lost to me. i was taking so many pills from the ages 10-18 that my brain just became swiss cheese.
but the things i DO remember are even harder to talk about. like, i remember having a panic attack at 11 years old that resulted in me getting my ass beat for causing a scene, followed by a sudden appointment with my doctor who prescribed me hydroxizine for my anxiety. at some point my mom took me back and told the doctor the meds were making me overweight, so i stopped the meds. i got better at hiding my panic attacks. i thought i was getting better.
when i was almost 13, i had another panic attack/mental breakdown. i remember this one very vividly as well--my mom sitting on the couch in the living room, my dad watching tv on the recliner, and i was literally crying and screaming and banging my head into the wall. i don't remember what triggered it, but i remember how my parents responded to it.
"look at me. right here." my moms voice. she was laughing. i made eye contact with her phone camera before i saw her face. she looked like a literal cartoon villain when she told me, "i'm recording this to show you later, so you see how ridiculous you look." i started seeing a therapist after that. i was prescribed prozac after my first visit.
i was constantly fed the message that "your mental illness is unmanageable without medication," AND "psychiatric medications will ruin your life." every time i "got better" after a few months on prozac, my mom would say something like "the meds are making you gain so much weight, that can't be healthy. you're doing fine, right? you don't need those anymore." and would get rid of the pills and send me to church camp. going cold turkey on prozac every few months from ages 12-14 was fucking awful. my mom tells me i hardly even went to school at that time because i was so sick. everything was a haze back then. i just remember so much shame and guilt and nothing else.
and while all that was happening, i was also being constantly tested for other diseases and shit. over and over again, i would get ultrasounds and blood tests and stool samples and scans and x-rays. i got so many diagnoses but none of them explained why my mom hated me so much. we were all so confused and so desperate to know what the hell was wrong with me.
and i'm sure i just seem like i'm whining abt old shit but like. this shit haunts me. learning to trust medical professionals again is fucking hard. and even still i'll have episodes where i flush all my prescriptions down the toilet because taking them reminds me of the lack of control over what goes in my body i had my entire life. or i doubt if i even need them at all. after being given so many diagnoses from so many different people that it just all feels so meaningless. and it's so fucked up too cus like i literally wouldn't be crying abt this shit as an adult if my parents were just fucking normal
#tw child abuse#tw medical abuse#i know nobody will read this but it feels good to just. put it into words.
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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2024 Day 325
Jack In the Box/Orphan 55
“Jack In the Box”
Plot Description: After the Winchesters mourn a fallen hunter, Jack tries to right his wrongs until a dearth of angels in Heaven forces him to use his powers
Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: were I a wraith, I wouldn’t stand a chance against Bobby
Who are these people?! I thought all the apocalypse world people died, but I’m glad there are people here for Mary’s memorial
Yeah, Dean’s not a public griever…and that includes in front of Sam, Cas, and Bobby
Ketch mention. They remembered he exists
I would hate to be in Jack’s shoes rn. Between the actual guilt he is feeling over Mary and the Lucifer inside his head
Oh Deeeeean. Deeeeeeeeeeean 💔😭
Heaven is, unsurprisingly, still no fan of Castiel
I’m so suspicious of Dumah right now. Is she probably doing the right thing in the greater good sense, but is she doing….not great things in the meantime? Oh yeah. She’s an Old Testament type angel, having Jack turn a dude into a pillar of salt
He’s so impressionable, and Dumah wants him to make more angels. With no actual instructions
Oh no oh no oh no….that’s disturbing. I don’t want to watch a dude have worms emerge from his skin…oh he’s in the HOSPITAL hospital
Omg the box Dean built to contain him and Michael…I hate what this has come to. Dean wants to lie to Jack about a spell that will fix his souls to get him to agree to be contained til they have everything they need…but there is no spell
I don’t blame Dumah, but she should have known better than to threaten Mary and John’s souls to Castiel
It’s so hard for the Winchesters to hide their hurt, especially when Jack is so placid. Like, yes, he SAYS he regrets what he did but…….
This is so hard to watch. Jack is still so earnest, and the boys…they seem like they hate that it’s come to this but it’s the only thing that will work
Not to make light of this scared kid trapped in this box that can and will hold anything, crying out for the people who swore to protect him, but it is feeling a little like when I had to close my bedroom door with Meg on the outside so I could hang some lights in peace and she meowed incessantly from the other side of the door
The sheer amount of betrayal in this one episode
Oh!! Is he going to burn through the Ma’lak box?! Oh this backfired on the Winchesters BIG TIME. I was thinking earlier about how this season, the penultimate season, was feeling a little disjointed and even anticlimactic since Michael was vanquished, but having to go up against Jack who has been manipulated and betrayed so much. I’m excited for the season finale
“Orphan 55”
Plot Description: A luxury holiday on an alien planet beckons for the Doctor and friends. But their stay at Tranquility Spa becomes a fight for survival against terrifying monsters
The welcome is giving Fantasy Island and specifically the reboot
Already things are going wrong?!?! Both behind the scenes of the spa and with Ryan
Why is the spa under attack?!
They were not joking when they said terrifying monsters
Oh cool. They built the spa in a place where they REALLY shouldn’t have…even the atmosphere isn’t compatible. So of course the indigenous population doesn’t want them there
I was wondering why the episode was called that. It’s the name of the planet they’re on. It’s a planet that’s become too toxic for life but this species adapted
Awkwardly ace Doctor strikes again. She could not recognize that Ryan and that girl were…maybe flirting is the wrong word but getting to know each other because they’re both interested
Oh I don’t think Benni and this lady will be getting married, even though they came all this way for him
Touya would be disappointed to hear this from me, but if I felt abandoned by a parent, I don’t think my go to would be “go undercover and try to kill them while burning their work to the ground.” I would take less drastic routes, but the girl Ryan was chatting up should definitely have fun traumatizing her mom (the spa owner) back
Orphan 55 is Earth?! I don’t know how I didn’t see that coming
The old lady sacrificed herself for the group because she couldn’t run and made them use too much oxygen 😭😭
Can people stop sacrificing themselves for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES?!
These are mutated humans…I mean, I guess I buy it, they sure are featherless bipeds
I wouldn’t blame ALL of this on Bella (the now former owner’s estranged daughter)
Oh shit! The owner didn’t die!! And she saved her daughter…kinda
This is a little bit of a heavy handed global warming lesson at the end
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