#i think most of my real person attraction is surface-level | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theafterglow83 · 1 month

Text

Stray thoughts from an unhinged mind caused by a song called Robin

Since my teens, I have always been a Karlie Kloss fan. No amount of vitriol from the Swifty’s has ever strayed or strained my conviction that Karlie is on many levels, and aside from being absolutely gorgeous, a better human being than Taylor Swift.

By that I mean she seems to project a warmth and a level of kindness and humanity out into the world that is so pure and honest, when compared to Taylors, sometimes vengeful and darker persona ~as well as her being Queen Mother to one of the worlds most vindictive and exhausting cults who would gladly fillet anyone at “Mother’s “ request. Taylor (the brand) has made a career and a fortune from feeding her tales of romantic misfortune and presumed ex lovers to her hungry mob with merchandise to match.

Karlie on the other hand has a nurturing and supportive side to her and don’t let her beautiful and seductive exterior fool you for below that sultry surface she gives off a warm and fuzzy golden vibe- like a puppy. She’s sophisticated, highly intelligent, NYC chic and street smart , often silly and maturing like fine wine while somehow becoming more beautiful as she ages. She also appears to be one Hell of a good mother to those babies.

All that being said about their personalities is exactly why I believe Karlie’s sunshine is the perfect match for Taylor and her moody, broken, impulsive ,often over indulgent, midnight rain personality. Not only are they equal in status - they have a Yin Yang balance to them - Only that sunshine can dry up the rain in Taylor .

I’ll continue.

While listening to songs off of the TTPD I was stopped dead in my tracks when I came to the song, Robin. I listened three times and found a tear rolling down my right cheek. I was choked up and the tiny hairs on my arms stood up . To say I was moved would be an understatement. There was something so raw, so pure and so loving in those lyrics. I had to sit with my thoughts for a while but I feel the need to share them now among those who i consider “my people”.

The Kaylors.

Sidebar confession: Yes, I’m a Kaylor.

I firmly believe Taylor Swift, and Karlie Kloss had a long running romantic relationship. They were more than friends. They were lovers too. The level of denial it takes to doubt that is astonishing. It wasn’t just Kissgate that sealed the deal. It’s the way those two looked at each other and communicated in a secret language all their own. They were deeply in love.

I believe it all started prior to the public meet up at the VS Fashion Show and even long before the “your kitchen or mine cookie “tweet.

I believe Taylor and Karlie first met when Taylor was showing up at fashion shows that Karlie was walking in as far back as 2009. Where they had a relationship then? Probably not because they were both involved with others but the sparks were flying. Thats when the foundation was laid. The attraction was there. The seeds planted. Destiny and the Universe did the rest.

Think Love Story lyrics

“We were both young when I first saw you” which I believe Taylor wrote about Karlie and which also happens to be Karlies favorite song. I believe they had an ongoing relationship that continued on until late 2017-early 2018 and then I believe something happened and they broke up, as many long-term relationships often do. My guts tell me it was cheating and it was on Taylor’s part and the regret from that will haunt Taylor for her entire life because it caused the trajectory of their path to change.

Karlie married in 2018 yet many speculate they were still together and the unofficial story is the real trouble actually came in mid 2019.

Taylor was furious over the masters, fingers were pointing everywhere, cheating rumors flew. This entire story certainly has all the drama of a Netflix series that could easily do 8 seasons

There’s so much more to this Masters incident than the public is aware of. Also the fact that Josh’s families company ~ the Carlisle Group provided the funding to Scooter is an often overlooked storyline.

Was Taylor angry at Karlie for that but how could Karlie control that if she was even in that loop of that drama. Or~ was there more -because in any good mystery - there’s always several layers more .

What did Scooter have to leverage getting that kind of money from them to buy the masters? Being Karlie’s manager at the time perhaps he has something on her or Taylor or both of them and used it as that leverage . It’s a whole other rabbit hole that I don’t have time to visit right now but regardless Taylor is still angry about to this very day which tells me it goes way deeper and my gut feeling is that Taylor’s dad was the one involved with knowing things and not Karlie Kloss who got fed to the sharks over the situation.

So I’m going on record here saying I never believed Karlie had anything to do with Masters Heist. I believe that story was used as an explanation to explain their separation. I know there’s a whole other level of messy lore involving this and a love blackout and Trumps election and Karlie’s association with the Kushner’s but I’m going to skip over that season and move on -except to say that it was absolutely shameful the level of hate Karlie was forced to endure because of that and still her sun shinned while she was being made the villain online and much of it still continues to this day. At any point during that scandal Karlie could have spoken out but she didn’t. She quietly took one for the team.

I’m not going to pretend that I know what happened during that murky period or what is happening now - because honestly -I do not…but there have been a strange set clues and way too many “koincidences to simply chalk up to being coincidences.

It’s just a gut feeling but I also don’t believe their connection went fully went away or ever will for that matter. They are and will forever be tied together even in the times they are apart but I kinda think they reunited ( again) in early to mid 2020.

I’ve read all the theories. I’ve heard all the rumors ,I’ve been to the rabbit hole, I’ve climbed out, I’ve fallen back in, and most days now you’ll find me sitting on the edge dangling my feet still and kinda wondering. I live my life ~ they live theirs.

So am I a LSK?

No, not really, but some days …ok, maybe. You see for as much as I try to say no…there’s just this tiny string I can’t help but see so I keep my feet planted on the ground but my mind open.

By open I mean open to the possibility that Taylor and Karlie are in one of those kind of “relationships” where as hard as they try ~they just can’t seem to quit each other and they go through periods of on and off times. “pauses” is what I like to call the brakes or bumps along the way. You know that couple that’s over but they’re never really over ?

Where are they now? I have no idea.

Taylor has another year of touring and promoting and probably Travis. My money says Taylor Swift will be the halftime show at next years Super Bowl.

Karlie, along with her modeling contacts ( Carolina Herrera, Estée Lauder, Donna Karen etc ) is venturing into the business world. Along with running Kode with Klossy, she’s CEO of her newly formed media company. She bought I-D magazine and also Life magazine, which Josh also invested in , this year. She’s got a lot on her plate

Yes, Karlie is married but is she really married in the traditional sense of what we all consider marriage to be? On the surface, yes… but once again- the layers and the lore here is incredible.

What a character she’d be on that Netflix show I imagine in my head . Just give her an Emmy already.

Does she love Josh? I’m absolutely sure she does- but the real question is…is she IN love with Josh? You know- romantic love -which, I as an observer ~don’t believe she is or ever has been. You can just kinda tell and no matter how many pictures she posts the connection just isn’t there and whenever I see her with her beautiful babies (even if he’s in the photo) she gives off that “ single mother vibe “

That level of chemistry, no matter how the pictures are posed~ or the hand in hand walks are staged -the passion ~ the look in their eyes - it just isn’t there and honestly it never was.

They have always given off that bff energy and frankly ~ Karlie’s friendship with her “big brother “ Derek actually feels more real, relaxed and genuine.Then there are the gay rumors ( past and present) surrounding their entire little multiverse ~but we won’t go into them right now either. We’d be here all night.

And yes, Taylor has had her share of public relationships but have they been real? Have they had their moments? probably. Did some become more than PR for a brief period of time. Possibly She’s been linked to everyone she even walks by or talks to but somehow it all pales and fades in time. I’m sure there have been flings along the way but flings don’t fly and usually run their course in that 9 1/2 week period that flings seem to take.

If I’m being honest, as I observe from the treetops all of Taylor’s relationships and Karlies relationship with Josh, they never reach the level of the real connection and happiness that I saw between Taylor and Karlie. That’s something you just can’t fake or reproduce with another .

Whatever is going on with Travis is so cringey and sadly embarrassing.I tend to think it’s PR but if it’s real then he truly is her obnoxious karma and karma isn’t usually a good thing. But hey the moneys good. Maybe they’ll even get lavender married so she can stay in her closet and continue to throw red meat to the $wifties.

The future is yet unwritten.

All that being said, I’ll get back to my original point of this ramble and that’s a song called Robin.

So yes, I’ve heard the rumors, I’ve read the theories, I’ve seen photographs of visual evidence. Karlie Kloss was in Los Angeles during the pandemic, the same place where Taylor was in fort part of 2020. When she returned to NYC if you count the months - she was pregnant even if she didn’t look it. I also believe Karlie was there in the shadows during the Long Pond Studio recordings in Upstate NY. Jack kind of gave it away when he referenced “Joe the dog” as being who he thought Taylor was talking about when she said “ Joe and I wrote a song”

I’ve also heard the rumor that there was a ceremony between them that they tried to pass off as a ceremony between Taylor and Joe which Tree later denied that there was ever a ceremony of “any type”.

Ok buckle up because here it comes

I’ve seen the “turkey baster”( IVF ) post that Karlie made. Like who uses a turkey baster in May? What an odd thing to do unless you were signaling an IVF pregnancy situation. Regardless ~ she was extremely happy that day.

I’ve seen the cinnamon buns post ( think the expression “buns in the oven ) that Taylor made a few days later back in May 2020. She was “proud” of her cinnamon buns.

Happy & proud …hum

Is that a crazy set of coincidences? Hand on whatever holy book you set before me ~ I’d have to say “yes”

And it’s Absolutely crazy considering the fact that Levi was born a little over nine months later.

Add in the fact of how emotional Taylor got accepting her Grammy for Folklore when Arron thanked his “ wife and kids “during the acceptance speech.

For a few moments there you could feel the raw emotion in her as she nearly burst into tears andJack tried to console her. Blonde was gutted. It cut deep.

Sidebar:

Yes Aaron has a son named Robin but he’s 9 years old and other than the name cleverly used for gentle cover of the truth in case damage control is ever needed~ there is no connection to that child or a secret, no showmanship to cover it up or anything that would make Taylor react as she did. Other than his name there is no connection to the words in the song

But the fact that Levi’s birth was announced during the Grammys absolutely does connect.

So I’ll just put a pin in that and move on.

Listening to that ballad yesterday rocked my entire world . It was so soft, gentle and living. So heart wrenching that I just let my emotions flow through me as my mind wandered back gathering and processing all the previous rumors and lore I had heard along the way. It left me rattled as it tumbled through memories. Could it all have been true?

So now I’m just gonna say it out loud running the risk of being attacked and also sounding like a supermarket tabloid…here goes “could Levi be Karlie’s and Taylor’s child?”

I know it sounds crazy…secret love child but …

I’m not trying to out anyone and I want to respect the fact that a child is involved here. Honestly I had second and third thoughts about posting this but if I’m being real ~ it’s also a collective of things that have been shared openly about Taylor and Karlie here for years. Somehow the song was like a puzzle piece that snapped into place.

…those loving words ,the emotion in Taylor‘s voice as she sings about her strong heartfelt attachment to a young toddler, as she encourages him in being wild and free in his wonder years, playing with abandon and roaring at the dinosaurs~

There was real love in those words

Looking out his window over his kingdom (NYC) and speaking gibberish

She also advocates for him keeping his innocence for as long as possible and then speaks of a secret that a inner circle of people have chosen to keep from him” in sweetness” to protect him and the “showmanship” to cover up that secret that he has no idea of.

And as she watches his unabashed play in his toddler purity she prophesies there will come a time in the future when the world he faces will have harsh words for him and she reminds him that he will bounce back like he now does on his trampoline.

“ and you have no idea

Buried down deep and out of your reach

the secret we all vowed

to keep it from you in sweetness

strings tied to levers

slowed down clocks tethers

all the showman ship

to keep it from you in sweetness

way to go, tiger

I’m not crying , you are and Levi looks just like his mommy 🤍

Let’s keep this in the family ✌️🤍🏳️‍🌈

God I love this show .

Stay tuned for next season

#karlie kloss #taylor swift #kaylor

214 notes · View notes

soullessjack · 1 month

Note

🔥 jack

oh my godddd I have so many unpopular opinions where do I even start….HOLY DISCLAIMER BATMAN!

anyways so in no particular order or tier system:

✯ i don’t think jack would wear anything feminine im sorry spn fandom. for lolz he has same-outfit-pattern-everyday autism and for serious it’s like. Really weird how fandoms tend to HC/portray non-binary amabs (and men/transmascs in general) almost exclusively as GNC or fem-presenting…like DGMW that is a real and valid form of self expression but it’s not the Only type of non-binary expression that exists. and honestly…**dare I say that most fandom/queer spaces just need to realize that queer masculinity exists and it doesn’t always have to be a matter of breaking gender norms??

** genuinely do whatever u want idc I can’t stop you i don’t want to stop you yada yada. paint his nails and put him in a skirt all u want but Please recognize patterns yall 😭

✯ more headcanon complaints (see disclaimer above ⇧) but I promise to switch it up soon. anyways every time somebody on this lil website says something along the lines of “Jack can’t handle/doesn’t like [insert violence, scary or adult-oriented thing], he prefers [soft or blatantly childlike things]” I shrivel inward like a dead spider. It’s annoying, it’s completely inaccurate to his canon personality and interests, it’s annoying ˣ2, and whether ppl wanna admit it or not—it stems from infantilization. not necessarily ableism, as infantilization is not exclusive to disabled people, but still just about the same thing.

honestly all I see of majority jack headcanons are ones that set him back to just being a child or otherwise being treated like one. for example, the one about him being able to shapeshift is pretty cool...until it just becomes about him deciding to age regress, yknow, to an age set he canonically chose not to go through, showed no desire to be in, and is more offended than anything to be considered as such. all of his interests have to be some shit like bluey or animal crossing, and he drinks apple juice from a sippy cup instead of beer. BARF.

I’ve lessened on my keyboard warring over babyjack in the past year but I have not lessened in being a hater. and I’ve said this before, but the baby-jack au already breached headcanon containment a long time ago when it’s not only so widespread that ppl take it for canon and it makes having any intelligent conversation about him nearly fucking Impossible, but it also lead to harassment and accusations of being a fucking predator, to anyone who dared find a whole grown man attractive. any potential jack ship, like jackharper? automatic grooming case to them. it’s like the fandom is just so dead set on this idea that jack really truly is a child in every aspect you can think of, and for what? if it’s just a headcanon, something you know is not part of the actual show, then don’t go Travis the Chimp levels of apeshit when you see him being treated like he is canonically 💀

unpopular opinion numero 3 which is slightly connected to 2:

✯ baby-jack and a handful of the domestic au’s are BORING (see disclaimer again ⇧), not just on a surface level to my suiting, but also because I feel like it just ..misses the point of the show?

the ragtag untraditional found family is now as nuclear and traditional as the Atomic Age. Dean and Cas are the most heteronormative “who wears the pants in the relationship” gay couple ever, Sam is demoted to the uncle that gets written out of his own family, Jack is just there to make his gay dads look cute and emphasize that they’re a gay family (while still being very heteronormative), and at least 5 of them could be found in a California gated community. everything that made any of them unique or defined their personalities is just scrubbed off, even for an AU.

so much of the later seasons focus on Sam and Dean realizing that they don’t have to make a hard splitting decision between the lives they want to live; that they can find a balance; be happy and have good things—namely families—without giving up hunting (and vice versa, that they can have hunting without giving up on family or happiness). everybody loves the gay hunters from S10(?12?) and what they represented for Dean, but I almost never see that be put into practice in the fandom.

THEY’RE ALREADY DOMESTIC!!! AND WITH THAT PERFECT BALANCE!!!! Season 13 quite literally gave Team Free Will a surrogate son to raise and established them as a family; highly untraditional, largely dysfunctional, overall not fitting of a family family, and yet they are a family still. Dean wears an apron and cooks and bakes for everyone; he built himself a man cave and established two separate family night events that they all ritually keep up; Sam has a morning jogging routine and visits his girlfriend every so often; Jack was taught how to drive, has normal chores like washing dishes, and gets groceries. And they didn’t just have that while fighting monsters—they had that while fighting a whole fucking archangel. Even if it did go down the gutter by the end, they still had it: domestic familial bliss and violent messy hunting without having to trade one for the other.

✯ I truly genuinely think Jack’s relationship with Dean is the best, most interesting and most misunderstood out of the three, and I also think that the problems with his relationship to Cas and Sam are hugely overlooked by the fandom—granted they are very small, especially if you’re comparing it to Dean, but they’re still there and I think we should bully Cas and Sam about it more. I shan’t elaborate because it’s 5AM and this was an impulsive add-on ❤️

✯ getting normal now…his plaid pattern jacket from the first half of Ouroboros is ugly as SHIT i have never liked it and don’t think I ever will. but I cannot deny it; he got that shit on.

✯ most unpopular opinion of all, I wanna do insane shit to his cervix 🙌

33 notes · View notes

mauesartetc · 1 year

Note

While we're waiting for Millie's shine in later episodes, how would you develop Millie and how would you write her?

PFFF uhh I expect we'll be waiting indefinitely tbh. But I guess the first step would be to ask a lot of questions and figure out which pieces are missing from the puzzle. Here's a list of what's on my mind about Millie, in no particular order:

In "The Harvest Moon Festival", she hugged her dad upon seeing him, but not her mom. Was she closer to her dad growing up? Why?

What first attracted her to knives and axes, and who taught her to use them as weapons?

What was her favorite job on the farm growing up?

Who was her first love?

How did she meet Blitzo and Moxxie?

What occupations did she have before joining IMP?

Does she ever hang out with anyone other than her coworkers and her husband? What are her friends like? How did they meet?

Does she want to have kids someday?

What's her educational background? If she went to college, which subject/s did she major in?

What hobbies does she have outside of killing people?

Millie's aggressive, violent side is emblematic of Wrath ring culture, but does she have any traits that clash with it?

What's her favorite location in all of Hell, and why?

Standard job interview fare: Where does she see herself in five years?

Why doesn't she ever stand up to Blitzo when he berates her husband? (I mean, in a meta sense, we know why, but what's the reason inside the narrative?)

What does her extended family look like? Do they all live in Wrath, or are they spread out across other rings?

What does she love most about Moxxie?

What did she and Moxxie do on their first date?

What's her most prized possession?

Most of these questions are fairly surface-level, like the kind of thing you'd ask someone you just met at a party. But the thing is, we've barely been introduced to Millie through this entire series. It'd help if she spent an episode or two away from Moxxie so we can see her personality as an individual rather than part of a set. These writers seem to think true love = being attached at the hip, but that's not how strong relationships work. You need a balance of the partners spending time together and having time to themselves. If a relationship leaves no room for independence, it'll get stifling pretty damn quick.

Maybe at some point, Millie gets burnt out from work and decides she needs a solo vacation for her mental health. This would separate her from Moxxie and provide an opportunity to glimpse parts of her life that don't revolve around him and IMP, as well as delve into the fractured mental state of a character who's usually a pillar of strength. To co-opt and rephrase a meme real quick: Everyone asks "What can Millie do for me?", not "How is Millie doing?"

Ideally, the whole episode would focus on her, with no B- or C-plots. She could meet her friends for coffee, or maybe visit extended family members. Perhaps learn some things about herself she never knew before. This all sounds very low-key and lacking in spectacle for this show, but any plot can crackle with deft storytelling. It'd be preferable if the episode answered multiple questions (not too many, but multiple) about the character at its center.

But when all's said and done, it seems the most important question is: What does this character currently struggle with the most? What do they want, and what's preventing them from getting it?

One major problem Millie and the other IMP employees have is that they don't seem to want anything. There's not much driving their actions.

Blitzo presumably wants his business to succeed, but what does that look like to him? What specific goal is he trying to reach? The Goetia family has a bit more direction: Stolas wants a deeper emotional connection with Blitzo (God only knows why, but that's what's presented to us), Octavia obviously wants her parents to stop fighting (though we have no idea how she plans to achieve this), and Stella wants Stolas dead (though she didn't think the consequences through, somehow) but everyone else is a big ol' question mark.

Anyway, that's just a basic overview of how I'd approach it.

#helluva boss #helluva millie #helluva critical #writing #character development #ask #blacklilly27

134 notes · View notes

mintytealfox · 9 months

Text

spoilers for act 3 (Dryad scene with Astarion), my thoughts on finding out that some people are upset with the scene

---

I think its interesting that some people are upset with the dryad scene with Astarion and 'feel like they are lying to get Astarion approval' but in all honesty the 'approval' answers make the most sense to me, especially with who he is and how he works.

Like, here is this rando who wants to hear us air out the dirty deep laundry and honestly number 1 rule in relationships (for me anyway) is don't share secrets or deep stuff about your partner to strangers or just anyone. That information has been entrusted to you, and should be locked in the shared safe you both now have, ESPECALLY when its someone like Astarion who hasn't trusted a single soul for 200 years, until now. Your Tav is special, and extremely rare, in his eyes and he has made a huge leap to finally trust in someone.

saying the 'real' deep answers out in the open in front of this stranger would feel like a betrayal of that trust of 'please don't share my vulnerable self to outsiders, I trusted you with this, I even told you, I put on an entire facade to survive, a carefully put together facade to protect myself. Why would you just hand over what hides inside, for safety, to just anyone?'.

Like, me personally, I would be horrified if my partner did this to me.

Scenario: we are at a circus, which is supposed to be fun and silly and vibes. This dryad thing seems like an interesting attraction thing, lets have fun with it! -Partner immediately lays out my deepest truths in front of the 'attraction' host- Reaction: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM ALL THAT??"

I believe that, Astarion believes this is going to be a fun thing with his love, where they are on the same page where they can joke and play off of each other's wit, and that is why I think he agrees to take on this 'quiz' with you cause he trusts you to protect his inner self that he has shared with you. And that theory solidifies for me cause he is laughing and having a blast with all of the 'silly' unserious responses and is very happy with you, cause you are both on the same page and he knows, even more so now, that you can be trusted always and you have his back at all times, even in situations like this. If he was the one having to answer these questions, he would likely do the same, to protect your inner self that you entrusted with him and having a laugh with you and giving unserious answers.

He knows that you know his deepest secrets, because he has let you know them, you don't have to prove that to him. What you have to prove is that you will protect that vulnerable side of him, that is still raw and in need of protecting, alongside him.

but anyways these are just my thoughts on the topic~ (🌸ゝ◡･)ﾉ♡

edit: adding extra thoughts that just came to me and added to tags but decided to just add here

#you aren't lying to each other here#you are keeping this surface level for the dryad and who cares about that lol#you know each others truths and know to protect them#saying his truth out loud to this stranger is a way of saying you lied to him#lied about keeping his true self safe from strangers and potential threats

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #minty musings #bg3 astarion #bg3 act 3 #bg3 spoilers #bg3 tav #thoughts #you aren't lying to each other here #you are keeping this surface level for the dryad and who cares about that lol #you know each others truths and know to protect them #saying his truth out loud to this stranger is a way of saying you lied to him #lied about keeping his true self safe from strangers and threats

86 notes · View notes

chase-ingjackson · 4 months

Text

A few reasons I like and dislike the the new Percy Jackson show (and why I think the musical is better) - initial reaction

To start, I think this new PJO show is a million times better than that dumpster fire of a movie (though I love logan lerman <3). I like that it is quite faithful to the overall arcs and major plot lines of the book. I love the diversity and high caliber of actors (though I def have some Viria-art inspired character images in my head that are god-tier). I love some of the characterizations/portrayals, especially when it comes to making the character more complex (I really appreciate TV Sally for being a real person with complex emotion, though of course book Sally is my fav). And I love that it's so high budget and hgihly-anticipated (great marketing) that it is bringing this beloved story to a greater audience, especially the younger generation and older generation (as parents/grandparents) than those of us who grew up with the series.

I can boil down all of my dislikes of this show into one overarching but very essential part of the show: I don't like that it is a drama. The characters are way too serious and too every-other-moment-we-need-an-instense-heart-to-heart. What I think this show should have been is a comedy adventure with drama/melodrama sprinkled in. In the books, it's all about the banter. And the TV show does some good one-liners, but it's always so serious. I think the best part of the book is that the characters can stay light-hearted and fun despite the horrors and terrors they face. In the show, the gods spoon feed the trio most of the answers, so when they do have a good realization (SPOILER: e.g. Kronos being the orchestrating force) it kind of comes out of nowhere. TV Annabeth is so serious (I know in the first book she is her most serious, but not to this degree) and a lot of the moments when she has time to use her smarts are gone or approached differently. Percy, too. He's not just self-sacrificing (which they really lean into in the show) but he's also incredibly smart and silly. In the books he's kind of a surface-level himbo with great critical thinking, but in the show he's kind of left in the dark and doesn't get opportunities to make his own plans (also, he doesn't seem to know how to control his power (by the 7th episode); whereas in the book he def did at this point. Then there are just dumb changes to make the show more "serious" like not mentioning that cell phones attract monsters or that monsters just smell demigods and not have a 6th sense for them. I'm finding that by trying to change these small details to make it something more exciting or interesting, it's distancing us existing fans by not letting us relate to the small details that really don't matter. For the cellphones, they still use Iris messages rather than getting a payphone or something, so that's kind of a plot hole in the show that is answered by the book.

Anyways, those are my main takeaways. Now, when I say "the musical" I refer to The Lightning Thief: The Percy Jackson Musical by Joe Tracz and Rick Rokicki which first premiered in 2014 but got revamped and redebued in 2017 (which is when it came into my life). I got to see it live in Toronto in 2019 with my middle school best friend, but have been an avid listener of the soundtrack since 2017 (the day it came out on streaming platforms).

The musical in my eyes is a nearly-perfect adaptation of the book. It's soo funny - def the action comedy I'm after, but does have the meaningful emotional moments (ballads, which are essential in musicals). The show itself if the full package; however, even just listening to the soundtrack gives you the whole gist. Here's a link to hte soundtrack on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFwX6FWeUFQ&list=PL0hK1fYMaqXbtZ0Fhm48TYcLJl7ikNX7Q&ab_channel=TheLightningThief%3AOriginalCastAlbum

Anyways, I want to hear more thoughts and pls tell me what you think of the show (and the musical!!)

#hoo #pjo #percy jackson #annabeth chase #the lightning thief #the lightning thief musical #percy jackson musical #grover underwood #pjo tv series #pjo tv show #pjofandom #sally jackson #review

26 notes · View notes

libbee · 1 year

Text

Devotion and Worship

It is a tragedy to be born with the planet of romantic love (venus) in the house of the subconscious mind (8). A primal instinct (sex) combined with the basic unit of humanity (romantic relationship) placed in the hidden and the unknown. You were born because your mom and dad made love, that love ... is venus. Now take the essence of your life and put it somewhere hidden. Every time you get into a relationship, your psychological contents are shaken, highlighted, brought to the surface. Deal with them endlessly.

Devotion to love is something you learned before you learned to talk. You knew you were a romantic, a devotee shall I say? Love was not just a formality or to-do act for you, love was life itself. It was breathing, thinking, eating, sleeping, dreaming. You were *that* girl.

Why Devotion?

She was quite a devotee. All she had ever wanted was to put a man on a pedestal and worship him - not the man himself but his image, an archetype, an ideal, an emotion, a perfect masculine image that he generated in her. Merely worshipping him was enough validation and approval of her existence. Maybe it was her low self esteem that she saw herself as a very small person that had to worship someone greater than herself. Maybe it was her intense emotional complex that was so deep that she would get lost in it. Maybe it was her spiritual nature that she did not want a man but she wanted God itself.

But the Twist

While it sounds very romantic and poetic to devote yourself to a man, it does not work out like that in real life. Especially with Venus in 8H or scorpio, the kind of romantic relationship they attract are reverse of their expectation. The man (Jupiter) they attract is not the kind of imaginary God they expect, not the kind of fairy tale in movies. The pattern for these women is that they attract the kind of men who are somewhat mystic, psychic, controlling, working from a place of psychological senstivity. These are the men that do not want to be worshipped but instead reverse the cards and worship the woman instead.

It means that they have romantic situations where both parties want to worship each other or at least has the psychological desire to. So, who will worship and who be worshipped? Man or the woman? Let the man worship, that way both parties are content. Otherwise the woman keeps chasing man after man, sometimes the games are played differently.

Logic

It appears to me that when venus is placed in 8th house, romantic relations become a tool for healing. It is how Venus 8h destroys herself and rebuilds after every crush/situationship/break up is over. As if "Devotion to you is finished, now onto someone else but I will kill a part of myself for you, it is my offering to you". Here, Venus is a catalyst for healing, change, emotions, intuition, psychic abilities. A relationship is an invitation door to psychic affairs, here the native is constantly dealing with the emotions, transformations and the unconscious.

They do not get into relationship for status symbol or to make friend with their boyfriend or to admire looks and material wealth. They get into relationship so that the boyfriend can dissect their souls for them, they can dive into the psychic realms and be rescused, only to dive again and again.

Sometimes romantic love feels like being a fish in the waters of the unconscious. The most self aware state caused by relationship. All planets have spiritual significance and so does venus. Venus in 8th house is like navigating the relationship in psychic levels. Enlightenment comes when you trace the pattern of failed expectations and realize that the kind of man you attract has specific psychic qualities, like a hunter, he is driven by his insecurities, instincts, complexes and never satisfied self esteem. If you surrender yourself to him, he will be manipulative and controlling. But if you withdraw your powers and let him surrender to you, you can be the manipulative and controlling one. This is the most difficult kind of relationship because you always have to be alert of the psychic movements of your boyfriend -- what is he thinking, what are his intentions, is he feeling insecure and suspicious?

Usually these ladies are not intentionally manipulative and controlling especially after maturity and spiritual awakening. They accept the man's devotion as an offering and sit on the throne.

But ladies, what about your own devotion?

In the early tumblr days when I joined, I stumbled upon a post that read "Scorpio Venus should just be a polymath, use that insatiable intensity in other means and not just invest all of it in a man..." Venus does not rule studies but it does rule creativity, beauty, art, music, artistic talents, appreciation for beauty. Also in psychic realms, symbolism has a significant merit for the exploration and expression of what is unconscious, unknown and hidden. What does not have a language it is expressed in symbols and art.

It is a difficult lesson I too learned as a Venus in 8H lady by realizing that my particular placement and similar placements to this need to abide by rule that "Man needs to love the woman more for the relationship to work out". But to reach this point of emotional self control, even I had to go through many trials and mental rewiring. I would relapse many times to my devotee state until the repeated relapse made the self control easier.

Sometimes, we have to act opposite to our natural core impulses to make a relationship work. I know that the expected personality archetype of these natives is to "Ride or die, Wear their lover's skin, Soul lover", but in practical life it is not feasible for woman to be so emotional and devotional. It is only her loss because the low self esteem man she usually attracts will feel stagnated, he wants to be challenged and prove his worth to her. Low self esteem does not mean low value man. This lady attracts people with significant past trauma, dark childhood stories, the unhealed sensitive lover -- perhaps that is why she is a healer. Her man can heal but keep your boundaries too.

#astro #astro community #astro notes #astro observations #astro placements #astroblr #astrology #astro tumblr #astrology blog #astrology community #astrology notes #astrology observations #astrology tumblr #astronotes #sidereal astrology #vedic astrology #venus in 8th house

117 notes · View notes

writing-envy · 9 months

Text

Writing snippet (Thrawn x Reader)

One time I was writing this for a bigger story, but now I don't really know what to do with it. Please tell me what you think; pointers and critique is appreciated!! ALSO, I was experimenting with an AU where Thrawn is an officer in the Republic, so bear with me.

Word count: 1,268

CW: mediocre writing, talk about intercourse, some bad words, break in (lmao), lack of ideas.

Clicks at the lock pad echoed in an empty hallway of an apartment complex in the upper levels of Corusant. The dimly lit corridor was devoid of any other residents, quiet and slightly menacing. Although you’d rather it remained that way, the less people saw you come in the better. Especially after the receptionist had been side-eyeing you for visiting at such strange hour.

It would’ve been far more suspicious to force my way in or even pretend to be a resident you thought. Still, not your best work. With that thought in mind you continued to fiddle with the door’s lock and after a few seconds, they opened to reveal the inside of the room.

The apartment wasn’t the most extravagant you’d ever seen; regular loft space, with neatly made bed, vacuumed sofa cushions that were lacking in pillows you’d usually see in the living rooms in holovid programs. The kitchen was presumed unused, the surface clean from any traces of cooking, but you could see the rags drying on the cabinets’ handles. They were wrinkled and with damp spots on them. Otherwise the apartment looked almost uninhabited, as if you’d walked in expected to be given a tour of the place by the real estate agent.

Considering Thrawn’s character, you’d expect nothing less; a spotless space for a thorough and focused person like he. And you had to admit, he had chosen a home with a great view.

The city-planet’s skyline was visible through the three big, connecting windows. The capital of the Republic was especially beautiful at this time of day. Or night, as it really was. You moved closer to admire the view; skyscrapers littering the surface, lanes of ships and speeders cutting in between them. The neon lights reflecting from the glass buildings, creating a mirage on the grey concrete structures at the base of them. From here you could see one of the tunnels leading to the lower levels, where such a sight exists only in the imagination of the inhabitants.

All so beautiful, but only from afar you thought as you moved away from the window, further into the apartment. For a second you debated looking around for any hidden weapons but finally deciding not to, you’d be able to sense them anyway if he were to use them. Which he wouldn’t you retorted yourself. You broke into his house already, going though Thrawn’s personal belongings would’ve only made him angrier.

Well, maybe I want him to get angry — . You stopped yourself before you finished that thought. Tonight you’re just here to talk.

With that you seated yourself on the armchair in the dark corner, with his thermal vision Thrawn would be able to spot you without a problem. As you sat there and waited, you pondered the events that led you here. If you were honest with yourself, you’d never expected to find yourself in a situation like this; sure, you’ve had hook ups with a few fellow Jedi, but never the ones you closely worked with. Especially not after you’ve left the temple five years ago. This was most peculiar, since you never would’ve guessed that Thrawn found you attractive or that you brought out feelings in him, other than annoyance that he displayed so frequently in your presence.

I suppose frustration is to blame. He got so frustrated with me that he fucked me on the floor of a supply closet. No big deal, not at all. Not that I liked it or anything, after all I’m just here to talk this out. Yeah, just to talk.

The weak defence of your actions that brought you here was interrupted with the sound of the door to the apartment sliding open and a figure emerging form the very hallways you stood hours ago. Have I been waiting for so long?

Just as he entered, Thrawn froze in the entryway, the door sliding shut behind him. A few beats of silence passed and then he spoke with a strained voice.

“I hope you know you’ve ruined any plan of attack you had by sitting exactly where I can see you.” He said, clearly stating that he could see where you were in complete darkness, where most people would fail to notice you. But then again, he’s not most people.

“It’s on purpose. If I’d been trying to kill you, you’d never see me coming.” You rebuked, dramatically. He only scoffed and for the first time since entering moved to turn on the lamp next to the sofa.

“I have a hard time believing that.” The sudden brightness and his comment caused you to frown at him. He was now sitting on the opposite of you on the sofa and looking around his apartment as if to determine if everything was in place, just as he left it. He continued. “Although nothing seems amiss I have to ask, did you search my home?”

“As if I’d find anything interesting here, no. Did you expect me too?”

It took him a second to reply as his gaze settled on you.

“No.”

This wasn’t a declaration of trust but of caution; he knows you’re not that stupid. At least he didn’t think that low of you.

“Why are you here?” His words came so suddenly and pointedly, you almost felt surprised he cut the chase so quickly. You wondered which version of the story he would buy; now you regretted spending this time pondering about dumb shit, you really should’ve thought about a better excuse than ‘just to talk’. A second later you answered.

“Would you believed me I missed you?”

The silence was deafening, really out of all the things you could’ve said, this is what you came up with?

“I believe you need to leave, I’ve had a long day and I’d rather go to bed than deal with you”.

The way he venomously spit the last part had you hesitating but you’d decided to proceed.

“Sorry, I just came to talk”.

“Really, I don’t want to hear it. Go home.”

An exasperated sigh ripped from your chest as you rebuked.

“I want to have sex with you again.”

That statement had him paused in the middle of the room, while looking at you like you had grown a second head. Clearly he whatever he was expecting wasn’t this. Thrawn stopped for a second just looking at you and any sigh of falsehood in your features. You were quick to follow.

“We don’t have to! I just thought… you know. Only if you’re okay with that.” All traces of confidence had dissipated, stumbling with words you continued. “I know I said that- you know- that there won’t be a second time. Well, I’m here now. So- you know- if-uhhh- you’re okay with that, I would like to have sex with you again.”

Oh the Force help me, what was the most embarrassing, dick hungry, pathetic proposal that had ever left my mouth. Any second now, he’s gonna laugh and I will die on the spot. Why did I say that?! I’ve never been more embarrassed in—

“Okay.”

Hold on. Okay?

You finally focused on his face. He was serious.

“Just like that? Really?” you asked trying to cover your embarrassment.

“Just like that.” He simply stated. Before you could react he was in front of you. He had a few centimetres on you so you had to look up to meet his red gaze. “Next time you try asking me to fuck you, just knock.” And just like that his lips were on yours, passionately kissing away your embarrassment.

#star wars #thrawn #thrawn x reader #grand admiral thrawn #writing #my writing #my fic #critique #ao3 #pointers are appreciated!#begginer writer

20 notes · View notes

cipheramnesia · 11 months

Note

Can you talk about Thelma (2017)?

Thelma is too much for one ask, but I can try. I'm fairly confident there are some specific religious and cultural touchstones I'm not familiar enough to unpack for starters, and the movie itself is so dense with possible readings that I could approach it from at least three separate angles. It's like... where exactly do I start at this?

Just on the most surface level, we're looking at an X-Men situation with the sudden introduction a superhuman ability in someone's life is used to parallel a wide array of different experiences of systemic oppression - I think mainly patriarchal, sexual, and religious but these are all wrapped together in much the same was as they tend to be in individual lives.

What personally gets my heart aflutter over Thelma are its queer elements. Not that these can be neatly separated from the others, but the way it plays with a level of ambiguity in the attraction between the protagonist and her love interest feels especially true to the queer experience of wondering if we're experiencing kind of real mutual attraction, or if we're only seeing things in our imagination - the way queerness is treated as something taboo, even when it's socially permissible, makes finding personal connections a delicate process of hope and guessing. It transforms the relationship elements of the movie seen through that specific lens, including moments where our protagonist is struggling so hard against herself that she tries to make her own sexuality vanish.

But it doesn't operate exclusively as a queer movie, and that's part of why there's just... just so much stuff to try and work through here. I feel like a huge amount of the underlying text of the movie rests on how her capabilities horrify her parents and prompt them to find ways to suppress them, to keep her under control. Additionally, the way she works her way through the medical system as they find themselves at a loss to discern any easy answers to her symptoms. And for that matter, the notion that her supernatural abilities are themselves something wrong with her is also rife with meaning to any disenfranchised group, not just queers or women or non-xians.

I suppose it's a little weird to discuss what I think the movie is about without bringing up... what the movie is about, but there's not a large amount that happens precisely. Or more directly the plot, unadorned, is not particularly complicated. Although I expect if you're hanging around this blog, you might be really interested to learn about a movie which is all about a young woman developing supernatural powers to control reality, and eventually breaking free from her oppressive (albeit loving) xian parents.

Not to sound pretentious, if this was made in the USA, it would be quite a bit more spectacle and flash. Thelma the movie and protagonist both are quiet revolutions, tense with knowing something extraordinary is happening, but not knowing how much will survive it. Some of it put me in mind of Dario Argento, even if it's not quite as flamboyant, there's an emotional intensity and an obsessive focus to the camera work that feels familiar. The colors are not quite as bright and primary as Argento's work, but they feel dense and saturated in the same way. If a movie like X-Men captures the explosive emotions and anger of learning you're different in some way society does not accept, Thelma captures its alternate quite despair and seething rage.

But this all really just gets maybe a little under the surface. I would happily translate the family losing a son to their daughters power as metaphoric to how some families treat their trans children. The ambiguity of the ending, the significance of the birds and snakes as metaphors, the use of symbolic reflections all need greater exploration to the point where this film has a fair thesis worth of material contained within. It's a rare, special, and complicated movie which I would hope everyone takes the time to see (with the exception of people with serious medical concerns over flashing lights, it has A LOT of those). Thelma is about making the decision to burn bright while everyone around you sits with quietly folded hands.

#thelma 2017 #thelma 2018 #horror movies #queer horror #Joachim Trier

25 notes · View notes

mysicklove · 6 months

Note

hii i just kinda wanted to vent here if that’s okay,,

lately i had these suspicions that i might be asexual,, despite the fact that i yk read smut and i do enjoy it and all that but for some reason the idea of experiencing it doesn’t appeal to me,, in fact i might even say that “straight” sex (like penetration and like idk oral) with men specifically repulses me (tho other stuff like pegging for example don’t bother me as much), like more specifically the idea of being in one way or another submissive to a man infuriates me (no hate to anyone ofc that’s just an observation i made of myself personally) and idk i feel bad abt it for some reason cuz i feel left out but at the same time i just can’t bring myself to like it at all.. the idea of being with women doesn’t seem repulse me as much like i do like women and i don’t mind the idea of being with them but i feel like most attraction i feel towards ppl in general is almost always surface level (in real life) i think it’s called aesthetic attraction

this is all so confusing and idek what i’m getting at but yeah, like idk if i WANT to be ace cuz like i said i feel left out and i do enjoy consuming nsfw content, i’m a virgin so maybe it’s because of that (that i’m confused abt it) ? (am i gaslighting myself if i say that ?) also like idk if others would wanna be with someone who can’t provide in that category of the relationship ? (also another thing i don’t mind giving but i hate receiving ? which is another piece of lore (💀) i forgot to mention) like sex is sometimes used as a gateway for intimacy and i do crave that kind of connection with ppl,, i don’t wanna be left behind yk ?

anyWAYS that sounded like i’m listing symptoms so i can diagnosed sorry abt that but yeah i don’t really have anyone to talk to abt this so yea !

-🩰

i’m sorry lovely that must be really confusing for you. don’t ever feel the need to put label on yourself, bc that may just cause unnecessary stress. i honestly don’t have any advice 😰 but i am glad you felt comfortable sharing with me. you are always welcome to drop by my inbox, i will always listen. don’t overthink it!! don’t stress over it, although those r both easier said than done. i love u

#💌 - love letters #🩰 darling

12 notes · View notes

winchflat · 6 months

Text

In college when i started drinking with a group of guys i would drunkenly ask each one whether certain famous men were attractive, like some homosexuality surveyor. It was my litmus test in gauging whether i can come out to them or not (if i want to) and talk about being bisexual without feeling othered. Looking back it was hilarious how I took real weird roundabouts to achieve personal agendas but i did it in full faith that subtlety and discretion are like. Classy. I think i still do it now but in a more lighthearted way. Less effort to dissect others under the guise of intimacy & breaking my own heart when the result fails to meet impossible standards of my own making. Surface level suffices, most days

18 notes · View notes

takaraphoenix · 7 months

Note

In TOA, Riordan wrote that the entire camp was trying to find a mate for Reyna and that everyone but Jason knew about her conversation with Venus, making her the target of gossip, pity, and unwanted recommendations. He then had her join the hunters of Artemis and later declared on twitter that he wrote her as an asexual character.

Omitting the fact that no one at Camp Jupiter mentioned Reyna's love life in HOO and that that seems more like a indirect criticism to fans, does any of the character's conclusion make sense?

I mean, there was talk of Reyna's love life in HoO, specifically from Reyna herself who expressed interest in Percy, and before that from Jason about them perhaps being involved in TLH (before, ya know, Riordan retconned that there was never-ever-ever anything between them because Riordan has this warped perception that any other attractions invalidate the current one, so to booster Jason and Piper, Jason could not possibly have an ex-girlfriend).

It was part of what made Reyna so incredibly interesting in HoO, because she had unfulfilled romantic plotlines whereas Riordan tends to herd characters off like that ship was named Arc II and not Argo II.

That being said, I think that the conclusion both makes total sense as well as not making sense at all, so let me elaborate.

Firstly, the not making sense part. Her being asexual reads very much like an allo doing the most surface level reading up on aspec identities.

Because what he wrote for her very much reads more as an aroace identity than an allo ace identity, and thus reads like an allo author who doesn't know how to separate sexual attraction from romantic attraction and just conflates them.

If she were actually asexual, there is no... no reason to join the Riordan-version of a cloister (I have many negative thoughts on his interpretation of the hunt) and avoid all advances, there is no reason to hide away from romantic advances and avoid them all at all cost?

She'd still experience romantic attraction as an asexual person, so why shouldn't she go on dates, meet people, get into a relationship?

It would actually have been a great way to have her come out as asexual to her partner and explain that while she does feel romantic attraction, she may not be interested in sex (and I am saying "may" because many asexual people are interested in sex, despite not feeling sexual attraction).

All of that, coupled with the twitter outing, makes it not really feel... fulfilling. It makes it feel half-assed through and through, both in the research on this identity department, as well as the coming out. Because there is nothing more frustrating than when writers prove to be too incompetent to put their story on actual paper and instead of giving a character a fulfilling arc and a real, canonical coming out, they just post some random tweet like that's worth shit.

Sure, hearing the author confirm a queer identity even in a non-canonical setting can be rewarding in that it recognizes a queer identity, but... it's not representation, it's a cop-out. Representation happens in the canon medium at hand.

Now, if he actually pulls through with this and has Reyna come out in one of the approximately 125 coming PJOverse books that he's going to write? Because it is worth noting that we're not talking about a closed story here and that his tweet could just be a "hey, guys, it's a slow build up and the coming out is gonna happen later but I want to clarify that yes, this is canon". That's the good faith argument here.

And on that note, I want to say why it is a satisfying conclusion, particularly for me as an asexual lesbian.

One of my favorite characters of all time is ace? Holy shit, that's a massive win! A leading character in one of the biggest YA series of all time is canonically ace? Hades yes, that is amazing and could do so much for visibility and also for helping younger aces figure themselves out earlier (provided, of course, that he actually puts the conclusion in a book).

I'm an even bigger fan of late coming out stories. Stories of queer people who pretended to be like everyone else around them to fit in and may have even lied to themselves.

Because there's a modern trend of gold-star-ism. As in, these queers came out of the womb queer, they have always known they were x identity!! Now, those very much exist, but the amount of this kind of representation in media very much warps the perception. Because not everybody always knew and many queer people struggle for varying amounts of time with finding their identity.

It's never 'too late' to confirm a character as any queer label, because real actual queer people may go through allo/CIS/het pretenses before coming out and if you take a character you previously portrayed in such a way and give them a journey into realizing they may be any share of queer, that is still a valid portrayal of real experiences and, even if on a meta-level it may be a "retcon" in that the author may not have always considered this character queer, it still very much checks out in-universe as a realistic journey.

Lastly, I want to get into the part about indirect criticism of fans. The way you put that, I'm not a hundred percent sure what you mean, but I'm assuming you're referring to the many fans who headcanon Reyna, or go a step farther and think she should be canonically a lesbian. I do remember backlash from that side of the fandom in regards to this.

But... again, as an asexual lesbian, I don't entirely see a problem there unless you do not actually know what asexuality means. Because she could very well still be a lesbian. You could still headcanon her as a lesbian. So, this isn't exactly something Riordan did that spites and destroys that headcanon, and the uproar about it was equally... pointless? The only way this could have been an indirect criticism toward fans would have been if he indeed just conflated aro and ace, and if the fans who took offense, also conflate aro and ace.

So, that's my answer to your question. It is most definitely not a perfect way of handling this and I hope he does something more with this in future books that truly puts this identity into a canonical framework, I hope he differentiates aromantic and asexual identities here more clearly, but I'm glad for any representation to come out of even clumsy writing.

#Asexuality #Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano #PJOverse #Riordan Critical #but like. honestly very mild for a change?#damn this ask makes me wanna write about ace Reyna coming out #can't believe I have never done that actually. huh

7 notes · View notes

graylinesspam · 17 days

Note

I’m still trying to define my asexuality for myself, and your posts have helped clear up that definition, I think. How did you come to defining your own? If you’re comfortable talking about it, no worries if not

Honestly, i am very uninterested in strict definitions. Instead of making things overly complicated by trying to define exactly what it means to me, I have oversimplified. Asexuality is non or very little sexual attraction.

I don't see the need for making it any more complicated than that because I generally don't bother to explain myself or my sexuality to other people. I do so on this website purely because I've seen a lot of my fellow ace people, such as yourself, struggling especially in the wake of the acephobic wave that hit tumblr a few years back.

If you want to know about my personal experience trying to figure out what the fuck sexual attraction even is. I'm gonna be real, idek.

I have never in my life seen another person's physical body and thought, "yeah, that arouses me. I'd like to have sex with them".

In all reality i think sex might be a fun activity in the way that like smoking weed is a fun activity. It's stimulating to the senses and the hormones within my body. But that's it. I came to the conclusion that I am ace in part because it is very hard for me to conceptualize sex.

I either find myself thinking of it selfishly as a way for my own orgasms to be achieved. Or conversely as a way to do that for someone else. I have to center one person as the focus of sex when i think about it. Either i am getting or they are. The idea of sex as an activity that two people are engaging in together for intimacy is foreign to me. It seems more like a service being performed. Which i have come to realize is a very cold and sterile way of viewing it.

Even in the most romantic way of viewing it i still see it as just another act of service. I might bring someone pleasure in the same way I might make them coffee before they wakeup. Or cook for them. Or run an errand. Or buy them a gift. It's showing affection but the way i view it seems to be surface level to the way that others do.

I say that I am neutral to the topic of sex because I honestly don't care about it half as much as everyone else seems to. It's just a tool.

And because i don't experience attraction to people i don't experience the tolerance to them and the side effects of sex that other people do. There are no rose colored glasses. I don't like excessive bodily fluids. spit and sexual fluid doesn't become less gross. genitals don't become less weird. the concept of sticking your genitals together for stimulation doesn't become less bizarre. Some allosexual people talk about experiences where they're "brought out of it" or "icked out" basically turned off and suddenly bothered by the sexual process. Well I am never turned on by my partner and therefore am always kinda there.

Which isn't to say I can't enjoy sex. it's just that engaging with another person has so many caveats, and stipulations, and downsides that i find myself very unmotivated to engage with it.

I don't like that sex drive really just means libido, because I have plenty of libido, but I have basically no drive to actually engage in sex. I want to cum. end of story. Everything that gets in the way of that is just a complication.

And of course I feel like such a douche whenever I think something like that. Because it legitimately sounds like dialogue from a narcissistic male lady harassing character in a 90s sitcom.

which is why generally I just avoid it all together. There is something more to sex that a lot of people are looking for, a kind of connection , intimacy, and validation that I cannot provide them.

Whatever it is, I don't have it.

(The tone of this is very frustrated, which honestly, with this topic, currently, I am. But i don't mean to be discouraging. Your experience can be and probably is different from mine. And if it's not...at least we're in this boat together.)

#Asexuality #aroace #aspec #personal #ask box

5 notes · View notes

gautiersylvain · 9 months

Note

Helloooooo sorry to come in here like a FREAK. but if it isn’t weird, can I ask for some extra Katarina lore and backstory 👀👀👀

this is the least weird thing ever because when i'm not thinking about the actual bg3 characters i'm thinking about my OWN characters and would love to info dump about them

PLEASE be mindful of potentially triggering content below (violence, sexual assault) but at the same level covered in the game

looking back at what i wrote and it kind of devolved into a narrative rather than relaying backstory sorry! hopefully at least some of this is coherent

so katarina is a drow, originally lolth sworn and born in menzoberranzan a little over 200 years before the events of bg3 (about 1285). she was a commoner, but her storm sorcery manifested at an extremely young age and attracted the attention of several powerful clerical orders within the city. katarina's mother leveraged this - trading katarina to one of the orders for a position of privilege and wealth in a noble family's court.

katarina was raised by clerics devoted to lolth in semi-seclusion for the next 30 or so years. they believed the strength of the weave in her blood would allow her to survive a powerful ritual that would allow lolth to inhabit her body. knowing nothing else and longing to serve, katarina devoted herself to her studies and practice of magic to become the avatar for the spider queen.

it was only after the ritual was completed that she realized the mistake she had made. while lolth possessed her, she was but a puppet. katarina could do nothing but watch. watch and listen and feel as the goddess used her body to kill and kill and kill and touch and hurt - tearful red eyes glared back up at her as lolth brought another man under her and she tried to cry or scream or anything but instead she laughed-

she woke up later, covered in blood and bruises and her own vomit. the head cleric told her she did well and katarina struck her over and over with lightening until only ashes remained.

katarina remembers little of her escape from menzoberranzan after that. of her escape from the underdark. when she awoke on the surface weeks later, it was the middle of winter and she was hungry and tired but she was free and she was clutching a glowing symbol of eilistraee in her hand.

a few days later, she was caught trying to steal food from a trading caravan - and was thus taken in by her adoptive father, euri, who was working as a caravan guard. he was a human mercenary well into his 50s who lived in baldur's gate and brought katarina back to the city with him when the caravan reached rivington.

although technically an adult, katarina knew essentially nothing about the surface world. euri taught her to speak, write and read common and how to get by in the city. he taught her how to fight with her fists or a dagger, should she ever be without her magic. he led by example, treating others with respect and trying to help where he could. he asked her what she thought, her opinions, before making decisions. for the first time in her life, katarina felt like she mattered to someone for more than her ability to serve.

after her father died, katarina distanced herself from most people. she had friends and contacts and people she worked with in the city, but the grief was too strong to consider forming a close bond again. so she used her magic and her clerical abilities to make a living and help where she could - and then the mindflayers came.

i think the truth is katarina sees a little bit of herself in all of the origin companions, but astarion most of all. although their situations were largely different and a considerable amount of time has passed for her - she hasn't forgotten. she hasn't forgotten how it felt, the hurt and the shame and the anger. knowing that you were hurt and you hurt other people because of forces beyond your control. she also remembers the relief of being free, of being treated like a real person for the first time in....gods you can't even remember the last time someone treated you like a person instead of a body that could give them what they wanted.

so if she's more patient with him than someone else might be, well, the wounded recognize the wounded or whatever. i see you i'll be your mirror etc etc

#personal #astarien #oc: katarina t'sarran #so wild to think about how long i've been playing her! my first real early access oc #my honey pie #my sweet #ship: something real #ty for asking about her!

8 notes · View notes

hakunonon · 10 months

Note

Top 5 servants?

there's a lot to choose from here, but let's see

first answer has to be cu chulainn lancer. i latched on to him way back when i first watched the deen anime in 2013; i distinctly remember my very first thought on seeing him being "what does this clown think he's wearing?" i'm not sure where exactly my feelings changed towards him, but i think it was my fondness for characters who are distinctly unvillainous as antagonists, and who have moral codes and values that don't quite mesh with most people's, but that they still devotedly hold themselves to.

rider medusa, my other f/sn og. women who are monsters <333. but for real, similar to cu i like how she is not cruel for cruelty's sake, but at the same time very much willing to get her hands dirty to fulfill her goals. though she's taciturn, you still get to see endearing facets of her personality (she likes reading and snakes, good taste!!) and also i find her incredibly attractive. fun(ish) fact! she's the only servant in f/sn who is both explicitly a parent and never killed her offspring! (gorgon avenger also gets an honourable mention here since i enjoy her as well, but since they're technically the same character i didn't want to put her up here twice.)

quetzalcoatl. she was my first ever ssr, and then playing through the babylonia singularity really made me fall in love with her. superb character overall, but i think one of her most notable aspects is that she possibly the game's/series' only real female equivalent to kings like gilgamesh, ozymandias, or iskander - while she isn't a tyrant and is respectful to others, nor does she defer to them or devalue herself, and she doesn't have the baggage about her rule that most of the other female kings have (nitocris acts deferentially to ozymandias and hold his authority above her own, arturia's regrets about her reign are obviously a core part of her character, etc.)

mordred is a character i just find very fun to watch and listen to on the basest surface level, but beneath that they're also just genuinely endearing and compelling.

musashi miyamoto - she got the three 'b's: big boobs, big appetite, bisexual.

#obviously this is in no way a comprehensive list there's plenty more i like as much #but i had to pick 5 and i wanted to vary them as much as i could based on which series they debuted in #also kindly ignore that it took me actual weeks to get round to answering this #e rank blogging #anonymous

7 notes · View notes

thistle-and-thorn · 6 months

Note

🍓, 🍊 & 🍑 please. x

🍓 What’s a fic you’ve written you feel is underrated?

my apocalypse series? i love this series. every single story in this is so important to me and granted i write for a small, dying ship but they also never have attracted a big audience and i just. i love them!!!

🍊 Who’s a character you don’t write for that often, but keep meaning to write for more? (They’re so interesting! But maybe you have trouble pinning them down, or keep getting distracted by another blorbo…)

okay, lannister sibling dynamics. i care about them so much but cersei and jaime are always ghosts in my fics and this is terribly unfair to them and their totally fucked-up-ness. i think about it constantly. and then i do nothing about it.

🍑 If you could make a connection between your favorite character and another work you care about (whether a crossover/fusion or a wonderfully “pretentious” literary reference) what would it be? How would it work?

okay. i need you to sit down and listen to me. roman roy as Teiresias. i don't know if you watched succession. but my theory is that the series finale like (spoken by roman) "we are not real people" does two things. it acknowledges that a. this is a fake show not happening in real life and b. they have never grown into identites beyond themselves. each roy sibling is enacting a different variety of tragedy. this means that they all are complicated, enacting different types of harm, playing out different tropes and references all simultaneously to each other. they can't connect because they are existing in separate doomed narratives.

kendall roy is pretending to be hamlet...being hamlet is easier. hamlet is self-righteous, innocent until he kills polonious, self-indulgent, self-destructive. he is the hero of his own story. this is an easier reality to face than the fact that kendall is just some guy. kendall isn't hamlet...he's just an average prick who killed a kid. and shiv does not allow him to finish the fantasy, does not give him a dramatic conclusion. he is haunted by a ghost--not of his father, but of the person who he killed. he thinks he's shakespearean but he's actually russian tragedy where you don't get to escape you just have to LIVE WITH WHAT YOU HAVE DONE. secondly, shiv is living out an ibsen play. dollhouse, yes, but also ghosts...which is all about inherited curses. the literal curse of being a woman, of sexual sin and indiscretion.

BUT ROMAN. ROMAN feels decidedly greek to me. roman's fate is always decided by people who are bigger and stronger than he is, it's pre-determined. "why couldn't it be me?" because you're a mortal amongst gods baby girl. his struggle and tragedy is about a loss of faith and the consequences of faith more than anything. i think a lot about aprohdite and helen's interactions in the illiad where helen, on the surface-level, makes choices but is compelled by aphrodite, implying that her consent is compromised. HELLO ROMAN FIRING GERRI ROMAN EXISTING ROMAN DOING WHATEVER

he's also the most plainly queer to me. I read an article once about the iliad about how women tend to serve as memory-keepers. roman is this to me. he remembers things about their childhood that the others have softened or forgotten (i.e. the dog cage, being the most prominent example). he mourns and weeps for his lost father. so he's living in a greek tragedy but he's not serving in a male role. you know who else existed as a different gender for a time.

TIERESIAS

he's not a hero, he's not the main character. he often observes the outside, telling the truth, predicting the failures of those around him. oh my god??? he's more participatory than a chorus...and his actions have critical ramifications on the plot and yet he's not the hero, his purpose is to contrast and comment on the action of the tragic protagonist (kendall) TIERESIAS IS THAT YOU

there's also just like. Moments. kendall goes for roman's eyes in the fight scene. you know what happened to tieresias. he was blinded for insolence to the gods. tieresias dies by drinking poisoned water. oh my god? like a martini. WE LEAVE ROMAN DRINKING. THIS IS WHERE THIS PART OF HIS LIFE DIES.

find me constantly here.

anyway, hi how are you how is your night going.

#asks #succession #roman roy #so normal about him

3 notes · View notes