#i think i can't even like manage to get myself into the mindset of enjoying something for myself (eg. a conversation with a friend) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

animeyanderelover · 1 year

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Hello, hi! This is my second request so I’m sorry if this is too much! If it’s is then please ignore this or the other one or both!

May I please request for Yandere of your choice with a reader who really likes their Yandere behavior? Of course minus the killing and hurting others part.

Thank you! And please take care of yourself.

I’ll do my best to take care of myself!

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusions, stalking, clinginess, paranoia, jealousy

S/o likes their Yandere behavior

Sohma Shigure

🐕Behind his light-hearted facade, Shigure is quite hyper-aware of his own obsession but is quite literally feeling nonchalant about it. Because he doesn't like getting hurt though, he's very possessive of his darling and is always somehow involved in their daily life. Also, he loves teasing you at times since it's entertaining if he can push your buttons enough to make you a bit mad, although it's still very much an asshole move. Shigure is even more of an asshole to anyone who is threatening to take the biggest place in your heart. He's a petty man despite his sometimes insightful moments and can feel quite bitter if he notices that you're very close to someone, closer than to him. He always manages to test the limit of such a person too, only that he is far more cruel than he'd be usually. He's just mean and manipulative.

🐕 He's sort of amused that you still like his behavior for the most part even if you do mention to him that you don't appreciate him being mean and trying to break apart precious bonds you have with others. Shigure expected something else but he's satisfied that you still love him. It saves him trouble that might have come his way otherwise. He likes to tease you for being a weirdo though because you actually enjoy his possessive and more clingy attitude although in a more loving way. He can't help his sometimes more shitty attitude though by testing the waters with you. He just wants to know how far he can go until you get mad, with how much he can get away. For the most part he still acts laid-back and silly but he's more genuine with all of his feelings and hides things less from you.

Roy Mustang

🔥 Roy is a charismatic and charming man for his darling but it's all really just a mask so he can hide something he often finds himself deeply ashamed about. His own possessive and obsessive infatuation. He feels so often embarrassed and guilty for his own emotions but also knows from previous tries that it doesn't do his sanity good if he tries to distance himself from you. Roy at least manages to come over as a normal lover for the most part, he has composure. In moments of weakness he cracks though and that partially rules in his trauma regarding the Ishval Civil War and the death of his dear friend. Moments of insecurity where he turns more possessive, jealous and needy. Moments where you feel his hands heating up as his temper flares up.

🔥 He's shocked when he finds out that you actually enjoy it when he gets more possessive and wants you around him when he feels insecure all the time. He expected you to react the exact opposite if you'd ever suspect that he's actually quite obsessed and is unable to come up with something good to say the first few moments. He doesn't even know how he should feel for a while. A rational part of him thinks it's wrong for you to enjoy this all even if you at least say that killing others is still wrong and he shouldn't do it. On the other hand he loathes that another part of him is relieved and even glad. He sort of tiptoes around you, observes you as if not believing you. He refuses to use your willingness yet you find him clinging to you whenever he's hit with his paranoid insecurity and wants reassurance.

Takasugi Shinsuke

❤️‍🩹 Takasugi Shinsuke is a mess when it comes to his feelings. He's driven by his anger and guilt and has set his mind to destroy the world since it took what was most important to him. He's already slightly deranged and knows it but the new feelings blossoming inside his chest worsen that even more. He didn't expect to love someone, never wanted it either since he already had a goal he wanted to achieve. Your appearance confuses him, another wish which should be forbidden for someone like him pollutes his thoughts. The man hates you, you ruin his plan and he wants to reject you but longs for you deep down. He stalks you, watches you, is possessive enough to kill anyone who might be your potential partner even if he himself rejects the idea of a relationship himself.

❤️‍🩹 At one point he nearly loses it though, the chaotic storm of feelings inside of him leading to an abduction. He's quite aloof and cold to you, expects you to hate and fear him and even wants it. Yet apparently he isn't the insane one, you are. He is unable to understand why you like his behavior and him, tries to ignore the way a part of his heart flutters out of happiness. He stares at you with a unreadable face, analyzes you in silent hopes to find out that you lie, that you fear him. You seek him out, he avoids you. He can't love but you make it hard for the irrational emotions of his who just want you. Takasugi, for the lack of knowledge how to handle your genuine affection, resorts to show you the worst and ugliest part of him so you stop tugging at his heartstrings. He can't even make sense of himself right now, torn apart between revenge and new desire.

Integra Hellsing

🚬 Integra has this domineering and intimidating aura around her that demands respect and she knows that this might scare others a bit. Integra herself is lucid about her own feelings but what is as admirable as fearsome about her is that she handles her obsession with her normal controlled ease. She goes about it in the ususal business-like manner but doesn't allow her darling much choices in the end. Alucard likes to tease his master for his obsession but luckily her temper doesn't flare up that easily. As a partner Integra is strict and controlling though and due to her showing rarely any emotional reactions, she comes over as rather detached and cold at times. She's still very protective which is shown with her willingness to punish or even kill anyone who dares to attack and harm you.

🚬 Besides shock Sir Hellsing is genuinely impressed that you actually saw through her. Her servant Alucard is one of very few people who is able to see behind her composed and firm walls so to think that you were able to do the same is a small shock for her. There is a small part of amusement too when she hears how you find her behavior actually some sort of attractive even if you firmly stand against her killing others because of you. She keeps her coolness though and just sits down with you, interested how she gave herself away to you. It's probably sort of mind-blowing for an observer to hear and see how she spends an entire hour discussing and negotiating with you regarding her obsession and what you two will do from now on. Integra keeps her word though as long as you keep yours.

Kikyo

🏹 Her resurrection has given Kikyo certain freedoms she didn't have during the time when she was the guardian of the Sacred Jewel. She is allowed to hate now, to have negative emotions and that is some sort of relief for her even if she knows that such emotions can lead to terrible actions. Kikyo allows herself to be openly more selfish though and that is strongly shown with her obsession she has with her darling. Apparently with a new life came a new love for her too, far more intense than what she felt for Inuyasha. She stays in the place where you live for a while, you get to know her and she you too, additional stalking helping her even more. There comes the time where she has to leave though and she's selfish enough to force you to tag along. She knows that it's wrong and feels partially guilty yet is too tired to be selfless again.

🏹 She thought that you'd despise her, make things more difficult yet apparently you've gained feelings for her too and are happy to follow her. Your reaction flusters her a bit as she is not prepared for this. Yet Kikyo accepts your own feelings without quarreling with herself much. She feels a great sense of relief and joy that you reciprocate her love despite her somewhat apathetic act at times. She finds her fondness for you only deepening, reassures you that she won't harm people if they haven't done anything wrong. Sure, she still keeps an eye on you for a while to just go the extra mile to be safe but after that she gives you a lot of freedom. You're allowed to explore a bit without her although she insists that you still stay close enough so that you'd be able to hear her if she calls for you since Kikyo is very protective and given her past slightly paranoid.

Zenin Maki

💚 Maki represses her emotions mostly in order to maintain her tough and cold attitude but that doesn't mean that she dislikes you even if it sometimes comes over that way. It's rather that Maki is somewhat in disbelief that she is as romantically obsessed as she is with you. Her life revolves around becoming a strong sorcerer and humiliating her entire clan via that. Maki is almost a bit hyper-aware when around you although you don't catch her fleeting and subtle glances at first. The woman is strict and as tough as usual though with a good hint of a more possessive side at times. She won't be your knight in shining armor and expects you to be able to fend for yourself, even if you're just a normal human. Messing with her darling is never a good idea though because she's serious and won't hold back if someone clearly wrongs you.

💚 You manage to elicit a rather surprised and flabbergasted expression from her when she realizes that not only have you discovered her rather obsessive feelings but also came to like the way it influences her actions. Maki is not stupid, she knows that she's in the wrong with her feelings and struggles at times still with it. She's as straightforward with her words as ever though, deeming it to be useless to deny your words. You're too sure of yourself. She questions you about your weird liking for her obsession, you sense a hint of distrust from her. She still hasn't bought your words completely yet, it's not what she expected to hear from you. She's worried that others might notice too so she tries to cool her behavior down although she eventually relaxes more around you when she believes that you told the truth. She still tells you that you're weird for liking this albeit with a slightly amused grin.

Tomoe

🦊 Tomoe speaks badly about his darling the entire time but it's merely a way to distract himself from his own attraction. He's in utter disbelief and rejects the idea that he, a fox yokai, has fallen in love with a mere human. They're weak and mortal so why? Why does he feel this strong need to protect you? He's big in stalking at the beginning, a silent shadow who watches you. Surely he'd feel disgusted if he'd see how fragile and annoying this human really is. Nothing like that happens though, it only worsens Tomoe's addiction. An abduction is bound to happen since there is a certain paranoia Tomoe feels. Mikage already left him, he doesn't want to let you leave him too. He's very possessive and jealous too, not hesitant to scare or harm anyone who harms you or is too close to you.

🦊 Tomoe can pretend as much as he wants, deep down he longs to be loved and accepted by his darling which is why their confession catches him off guard. He's paranoid though since Mikage left him despite promising to be back soon so he doesn't believe you, experience has taught him so. He might even accuse you angrily of lying to him as a way to use him. Why would you love him despite him having kidnapped you? A part of him wants to believe you but he's too distrusting. You notice him being around you more often, his gaze never leaving you. He observes, searches for any signs that you lie but can't find any. It needs a lot of time and proof from you that you like him though before he slowly opens up and mellows out. He starts doting on you openly when he knows that you're genuine and wants at the same time more affection from your side.

Jacaerys Velaryon

He probably doesn't come over as someone potentially dangerous because Jacaerys is a big sweetheart for his darling. Even a blind person would see that he loves his darling to the moon and back, constantly singing praises about them in front of his family and spoiling them with whatever they wish. Jace isn't thinking rationally, his infatuation sort of keeps him from being completely aware about his own obsession. That doesn't mean that he has those silent moments where he kind of considers if his love can really be seen as completely harmless. Jacaerys experiences darker thoughts at times which sometimes startles him when he catches himself in the middle of it. It's important to keep in mind that he's highly protective and only truly caring to those he loves. Not to mention that he's more possessive than he lets on.

He orientates himself strongly after his darling though so it's a bad thing when he finds out that you adore his behavior. Sure, you're not too fond when he uses his position and influence to scare other potential pursuers away but you know that he loves you just a lot. The moment he knows that is the moment he pretty much abandons any doubt he had in the past about his attitude. He makes you happy with him if he acts that way apparently and that's all Jace wants and needs to know. If he knows that intimidating and threatening others upsets you, he tries to cool that part of him down but he will never stop being more aggressive if someone says or even looks at you the wrong way. His behavior around you intensifies since he knows that you like it though so he dotes on you even more than before.

Rokudo Mukuro

🌫️ This guy is disgustingly possessive over his darling and everything but tame. Mukuro is rather apathetic too which only means that he doesn't really care if he hurts others or even has to kill someone if it ensures that you stay with him. He even threatens and intimidates his own darling if it helps them to stay in line. He's less involved though as he is often away and takes care of something he never tells you about. You're either left under supervision of Chikusa, Ken and Chrome or are completely alone. Chances to run are tempting but that's what he wants to test in such scenarios. If you stay, he praises you for being obedient and smart and if you try to escape, he tracks you down an crushes your hopes by displaying the huge gap in power and skill between you two. Mukuro does care but he doesn't show it very openly.

🌫️ He wouldn't have minded your fear as long as you would have obeyed either but he's pleased to know that you actually like his behavior. He doesn't question why you do though because he knows that the average sane person would despise and fear him. Apparently you are another strange one but he doesn't really mind. It just means that everything will go smooth since you'll obey without throwing a tantrum. Mukuro decides to believe you too since he's confident in his ability to read you so he just sort of knows that you didn't lie to him when answering his question since he noticed. He doesn't exactly let you of the hook easier, still keeps you locked up and more isolated but he lets his more affectionate side show a bit here and there. Terms of endearment or the occasional soft caress of his hands when he isn't away.

Chae Yul

💜 Chae Yul is the complete package, the worst mix of everything. He’s extremely possessive, obsessive, trigger-happy, jealous and terribly clingy and needy. He’s incredibly attached to his darling to an unhealthy degree and relies solely on them for his emotional support. He rejects anyone else, isolates himself since you’re the only one he wants to spend time with. He’s a red flag, toxic enough to guilt-trip his darling whenever he feels like they reject him or is paranoid enough to think that they might plan to leave him. Yul can spend every waking second with you and attempts to do exactly that since he gets anxious when he isn’t with you. He’s the tamest when he is alone with you and isn’t scary to everyone who tries to get in between you two. Worst is that Yul tends to see everyone as villains who wants to separate him from you.

💜 He’s never viewed his excessive infatuation with you as wrong and despite the wrongness of it, you find it almost endearing. You make him aware of it too although you tell him that you don’t want him to threaten everyone who does as much as greeting you, he doesn’t have to act so overly jealous and possessive. Honestly, it’s probably best if his darling likes Yul’s behavior because otherwise he’d be insufferable. He doesn’t attempt to change much though although he tears up when you express your disappointment in him for acting so overly aggressive and frightening to others around you. He hates it, it makes him feel paranoid. So he opts to keep you most of the time in his apartment where he doesn’t have to worry about others. A perfect solution, wouldn’t you agree? Just let him stay like this forever, cuddled up in your arms.

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blaecdog · 1 month

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GET TO KNOW THE MUN

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

okay story time besties. like most of you i've been on this hellsite for at least a decade, this may or may not be 'too personal' but i think i wanna share this anyway because it kinda explains the way i am now, why i left and why i came back. i'll keep it short (lie) so don't worry ehe. basically i found a best friend through this hobby, and through them many characters came to life. welp, i was friends with them for more than five years and then, you guessed it, something happened that made me cut ties. not getting into too much detail but the friendship suddenly felt very one-sided which was very heartbreaking for me and ultimately killed my desire to write on here. i really thought i would never return because it hurt too much, plus i was scared of possibly encountering them again. fast foward a year and bg3 releases. this damn game gave me so much comfort and so much inspiration. i ended up creating my vampire boy cain after as.tarion managed to become my new hyperfixation. i was scared shitless to be back. i felt out of place. also before i made cain, i tried to write with a fandomless oc and even worked on a multi based on greek myth. they say, third time is the charm, and my god it's true. cain opened the doors for me i was too scared to open myself. and everyone was so nice and welcoming, i am truly very grateful. writing means a lot to me, it's an outlet and so much more, i'm sure it's the same for many of you. anyway this is getting way too deep. cain happened because i'm a simp. and vance? he's an old concept i never got the chance to put out there.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

smut. i've never had a nsft thread in my whole career. i get why some write it but to me i see no point. first of all it makes me uncomfortable, idk if it's because i'm asexual or because i just don't vibe with it. either way, like already stated in my rules, while i refuse to write it out, i don't mind joking about it or letting things fade to black / up for imagination during threads.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

i really love to explore different dynamics between characters. nothing is ever white or black, there's so many depths and layers and i wanna see it all. a character is a sunshine, always happy? great but what if they are actually struggling with major depression and are on the wink of breaking? someone tries to be everyone's hero? cool. oh you think they're doing it because of the kindness of their heart? no lol, they're just scared of being all alone because they don't know how to form emotional bonds with others so they try to be please everyone, ignoring their own needs and desires. i enjoy every genre as long as characters get a chance to be more than just one fixed personality trait. oh and angst. i love angst.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

god. fuck. i wish i knew. sometimes i wake up and randomly think of my oc, their past, their habits, how they felt. and if i'm lucky, i learn something new about them. i think the most important thing i had to learn when it comes to headcanons is that you can't force them to just appear. sometimes things come easy and you have many trivia info or solid headcanons from the get go, other times you shake your oc and beg them on knees to give you at least one crumble of info. honestly, music helps. getting into the right mindset and letting your mind run wild with all sort of possibilities is a great foundation.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

i need music all the time, whether i write or simply exist. as mentioned above, music helps a lot to get into the right mindset. i also love the fact that each oc has their own music taste. i will never get over the fact that vance vibes with k-pop & j-hip hop.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

it really depends actually. if threads are plotted beforehand then i already have "a plan" where the directions is going and how vance will react. but in general i wing everything. idk why but to me it feels so much more authentic. if i read asks or replies i already have a clear idea of what van wants to say. at first he reacts in my head then when i sit down to write it out, i suddenly find van in a situation i didn't expect. and i love that. a lot. sometimes you gotta let things come to you naturally and just write what feels right.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

i do! which reminds me, i wanted to make a specific post about this even though i already talk about it in my rules. i'm here for any type of ship, platonic or romantic or straight up enemies. most importantly though? i love connecting people's ocs into van's canon verse. i was never into multi-shipping, unless it's for different verses. in general i love the idea of every event occuring in van's life to happen in one universe. so for example, if he meets character A and later meets character B, he'll mention character A. for this reason i probably won't do multiple romances. also i love suffering from slow burns, be it confessing love or enemies to friends. sign me the fuck up.

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

i kept changing it but right now it's cero and i think it'll stay that way. ever since my comkeback, i actually struggled to find "the right one" you feel. there's no deep meaning behind it other than me being a sk.yrim nerd and enjoying my murderous little jester cicero. in other news i'm a clown.

ᴀɢᴇ?

i'm a twenty six year old bottle of fine wine

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

september 16th, you better wish me a happy birthday :3c (this is a threat)

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

red, orange, yellow, pink and purple

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

don't do this to me. like. i love music. i don't choose favorites. every song slaps. it's so hard to decide. you know what fuck the rules. i'll answer with my favorite genres instead: classic pop & rock, indie pop, video game soundtracks (yes fr), alt rock & punk, hip hop, k-pop & j-pop, classical, metal ... proceeds to name every genre

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

two weeks ago my aunt forced me to watch damsel with her and i'm still trying to recover from it

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

still watching o.ne p.iece :)

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

don't matter by kings of leon

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

honestly, i'm not really into food and i only eat because my body needs to survive, i'm also a picky eater so safe my soul, but recently i've discovered my deep love for spaghetti carbonara, it's my ride or die

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

fall and winter. i love spooky season and i love seeing trees changing colors and i love crunchy leaves. i love taking walks through a forest during fall. i love the weather in fall the most too, rain or sunshine idc it's a perfect mix and i vibe with it. as for winter, obviously it's the snow but sadly we don't get snowy days often.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

ah shit here we go. i didn't even see this question when i answered the first one. awkward. I MEAN. i really wanna say "not yet" but deep down i'm actually really scared of allowing another strong connection. i consider all of my moots as friends even if i don't chat with them on a daily basis. i'm an anxious opossum, screeching on the inside as we speak, but i definitely want to find the courage again to form actual friendships with people on here.

tagged by: @pinkminxed thanks subway sandwich tagging: @metrictita @un1awful @ofurizen @hopeharmed @hiisfire @attroxx @confettiguts @rexpyre @daisyscape @starpoacher @fauxwife @rotdame @cursedblessed

#// i think i did some oversharing here and there but idc #// now you know me and you have to live with it :3 #// also idk who already did this so i tagged mains #// don't feel obligated to do this tho #「 † 」 out of hell.

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vide0days · 9 months

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sometimes i wonder if i'm ever going to find something i feel compelled to commit to, like really truly commit to. so far it seems i approach everything as temporary– jobs, travelling, all the homes i've lived in. the pattern is: i find a job, feel challenged in the beginning, enjoy it for a little while and then slowly start planning my exit. in past homes, i became obsessed with visions of packing even before i knew i was leaving. i'd imagine myself putting everything into boxes and bags and suitcases. and travelling is something i've always seen as temporary- you have to come back at some point, right? but in dark moments, i'd count down the days left. i'd think about myself flying home and (weirdly) get excited about the plane food. so i wonder, am i doomed to eventually always get bored and crave something new? or crave comfort when i'm too far out of my comfort zone? are the cycles of 'leaving' so ingrained in my mindset now? these questions aren't new but being here, everything is illuminated. i've never felt more like an observer. observing myself. my bad habits, negative thought patterns and tendency to wish the days away. observing others- how they interact, move, touch and connect. listening to conversations, stealing glances at strangers, watching people on screens. seeing others and thinking this is how i want to live. taking note of eye contact. of the way a person looks when they're listening to someone else speak. watching couples and the small intimacies they share- moments you become so used to you don't realise their power until they're gone. ruminating on what it means to have a 'partner', someone to navigate and tackle life with, someone who helps you grow. and then there's observing the world around me: looking out my bedroom window and seeing the passage of time through ever-changing fields. the sheep have been moved and the land turned for something new. feeling warmth when i'm reminded of the beauty of this town. it may not feel like home anymore, but it sure is beautiful on a sunny day. thanking myself for moments i push myself to go outside. the dirt-track, my favourite path. i go again and again and again, each time i'm here i feel this calling to return, and despite knowing it off by heart, still there's always something new, always beauty to be found. and yet, i feel like i can't quite break through because i'm always coming and going and see everything as transient anyways. i remain on the periphery, unable to fully insert myself. i stick to the observing. the birds are out in the garden waiting to be fed, the branches gently swaying, the sky is grey but i managed to catch the sunrise, the orange glow seeping in through my blinds forcing me to open my eyes and take a peek.

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rollercoasterwords · 9 months

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hi i would like to rant to u if thats okay because i saw ur rant u wrote like 6 days ago and it just kinda made me think so i hope u don't mind.

i love writing. i always have and when im writing i always get excited, except then i started posting on the internet. at first i got some attention which actually pushed me to write more and then i wrote this fanfic that blew up and got a lot of attention which dont get me wrong was GREAT like im proud of it, but it also changed my perception of writing

all of a sudden this silly little thing i wrote was now something people were talking about with their friends and reccomending and that was great but it made me feel different about my own work. it changed how i percieved writing, and more often than not i catch myself writing for them, not for me.

recently i started writing this fic that made me giggle and kick my feet while writing it. i wrote it SO fast because i could not get enough of it, and then i started publishing and it didn't get much attention. i've had other fics that didnt get attention before and it was like meh, but after the work i wrote that blew up, it felt like my fics NEEDED to become popular to be good, which is like,,, shit

and whenever i posted a chapter of my new fic or talked about it, i'd get comments on my fic asking about my popular one, if i'll make a second one ect.

it made me lose interest in my story because i'd gotton hooked on others approval and i didn't want to write something they weren't interested in, because then they wouldn't read it and it would all be for nothing.

i forgot the original reason i started writing. for me. and its been so hard to try and just get back into that headspace of writing for me and not others because of the attention i'd gotton from my previous stories.like how i felt now that i had a fair few followers i owed them stories THEY wanted to read.

i'm not sure how to get back into writing for myself, because i don't want to delete my works or stop posting, because i do enjoy it when people say nice things and help my motivation, but at the same time it also makes me feel like i have to write what they want and not what i want, because if i write it and they dont like it ive failed

anyway thats my little rant, i dont know if u even understand what im talking about but it was nice to get off my chest

thank you <3

no i feel u i can def relate 2 a lot of that experience! it can be a weird experience 2 have a fic go viral & it is definitely not always entirely positive. honestly think the only reason i've escaped a lot of the harassment + hate i've seen directed towards other people who have had fics go viral is that my fic that went viral was a rewrite of someone else's story, so most of the discourse remains centered around the original story + writer which honestly. feels like i managed 2 dodge a bullet lmao

but i can def relate 2 the sudden pressure of abruptly finding urself in a situation where tons of people are reading something u were just casually writing 4 fun, and suddenly feeling like u need 2 meet certain demands or live up 2 expectations. honestly feeling this pressure to keep up w those expectations led to some burnout 4 me last fall/winter, which is why i stopped posting for a few months. and like obviously i can't say what would be most helpful 4 u--that's something u kinda have 2 figure out 4 urself--but i do know that for myself + for some other writer friends who i've talked to, taking a break from posting can be really helpful in like...reframing ur mindset. i think getting some distance from the constant expectations + demands + feedback can help sort of clear the air and strips away both that pressure + that attention + sort of makes it easier 2 focus on writing just to write for urself. 4 me it helped me figure out that while i do love sharing my writing + getting nice comments + messages + talking 2 people abt it etc, that's just icing on the cake, and writing still brings me a lot of joy even without any attention. and once i was able to like...center that attitude + ground my writing in personal enjoyment rather than the online attention economy, it made me feel steadier abt coming back + posting again, and also helped get rid of some of the anxiety of meeting people's expectations, bc i realized that at the end of the day i genuinely don't really care if someone dislikes my story so much that they need to stop reading it; in fact, i think it's better for everyone involved if someone who feels like they're not getting what they want from my story goes and looks for what they want somewhere else! it's not a failure on my part to sufficiently like...entertain an audience or provide a product, because that's not what i'm trying to do in the first place, y'know? and i think that shift in mindset helped a lot, and continues to help when i start 2 feel that pressure again from posting my writing online. it's counterintuitive at first bc i think we're all sort of conditioned to think there's no point to making art unless you're making it for an audience, but once u realize that The Audience is not the be all end all of creating art, i think it makes the process of creation a lot more freeing + fun.

anyway hope u are able 2 navigate the weirdness that can come with sharing ur writing online + find a way 2 write that brings u the most joy!!

#ask

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skimblyspones · 1 year

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Also re. The last post. I admit I feel a little weird and extra keen on explaining myself mostly bc I see the aromantic hcs usually applied to Spock and while I totally see where those are coming from, I personally read spock as kind of a hopeless romantic with a repression issue, even without factoring spones in.

Like. With Jim, he has dozens of failed romances and he's always sad but we never get much in the way of explanation besides "oh he has a greater love for the Enterprise" meanwhile with spock he keeps falling in love with Humans and enjoying the feeling but he can only let himself experience those feelings when under influences of drug flowers or weird time travel rules; a repeated facet of his character, and indeed of vulcans, is that their emotions are very much still there and as potent as any human's, but their physical strength is so much greater that they need to temper their emotional responses and, debatably, their very connection to their emotions. Add in Spock being half human and his inescapable racialization amongst both humans and vulcans, especially being half human while raised and taught on Vulcan, and you have a rather prime recipe for shame and repression, and to me that is where Spock's baggage is.

And the appeal of Spones becomes, then, how damn obsessed Bones seems to be with making spock emote. A lot of ppl read the dynamic as antagonistic, and I get where that comes from, but frankly I think a lot of the time Bones is the only one pushing back against the harmful mindset spock has locked himself into; imo, while Bones will paint with a broad brush and call vulcans unemotional, I don't think he fully believes that, if for no other reason than because he lives on a starship with one.

He's challenging spock on the latter's own assertions that Vulcans don't experience feelings, an assertion we know and are shown time and time again is bullshit. Frankly, to be able to sustainably temper your emotions with logic to the extent we see most other vulcans do it would likely require a pretty strong base connection with them. Not to get all CBT in here but as someone who benefitted greatly from DBT in terms of emotional response and behavior, you need to know and accept how you feel if you want to properly manage your response, and to me that's what it seems is probably what most vulcans actually do.

Spock does as well to some extent, but his experience as a half-human undoubtedly meant isolation from his peers, and a feeling of being uniquely indisposed to Vulcan culture, and overcorrecting from mindfulness into frequent repression.

And I think Bones picks up on that, bc he's friends with Jim who also tries to make himself experience what he just doesn't, in opposition to Spock who tries to stop experiencing what he just naturally feels. And while with Jim, it'd take him realizing for himself what he actually needs, something Bones can't really help with, when it comes to Spock they both know he's having these emotions. And like I think that's where spones ppl come at it differently than others, bc as we see it Bones isn't just bullying Spock bc he's a dick or paternalistic or racist or what have you; Bones is pushing back specifically against Spock's self destructive methods of emotional repression. He knows Spock isn't engaging in mindfulness so much as he is flat out refusing to acknowledge his emotions and emotional needs, and is trying to tough love him into acknowledging that. Whether you think he goes too far in it is up to personal interpretation, but it's my hc that Spock deciding to pursue Kholinar at the end of their 5 year mission was their breaking point pre movie-era make-up for a reason.

All that to say, for me personally, Spock having romantic attraction is an important part of his character when it comes time to dissect him, bc it is one of the most obvious narrative devices to highlight the conflict his character was built to embody between passion and the ideals of reason and detached rationality.

#spock #star trek meta #spones #is discussed

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nyaitsu-writes · 1 year

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✧ a little psa for those wondering!

i did private this blog back in february because i haven't been feeling my best, about myself nor my writing. there has been a lot of not so good stuff in my personal life i would rather not talk about and it ended up weighing me down to the point writing started feeling like a chore, extra work i had to do because that's the point of a writing blog. and i didn't really have the mindset for that

{ more info under the cut }

a lot of creators have mentioned this before, i've mentioned this before and i'm sure everyone is done with listening the same talk over and over again but the lack of interactions played a big factor in this decision too. it's really, really hard to put so many hours into a piece only to get a handful of likes at most. and this is coming from a blog that's older than a year, i can only assume how it feels like for any younger blogs!

at the end of the day i made this blog to share my personal brainrots about the enstars cast and i feel like i lost that purpose somewhere along the way. i started feeling more like a "content creator" than i felt a writer, feeling like i had to push a certain amount of works even when i was stuck. i also have the awful habit of comparing my works to other writers and, as many good things as i get from learning about how different people write different things, i can't shake this feeling of inferiority. my vocabulary is lacking, my descriptions are poor. and i don't feel too proud of my characterization either

somehow, i might have taken this blog as some sort of public service where i need to satisfy everyone's needs even when that means writing things i'm not interested in or characters i'm not really that fond of. i always push myself to fullfil rqs but i guess it ended up backfiring

i have a handful of wips, wips i really really want to write about (i tried doing an analysis. it had some interesting conclusions!) but i haven't found the courage to post because "who would read that" has been a permanent thought for a while. i enjoy writing aus. i like writing silly little fics or hcs that don't make that much sense but i enjoy working on! but then i think of the general public and think "well, i'm sure i can make something better. something more people other than me can enjoy"

i might have to reconsider how i do some things around this blog to make sure i don't get burnt out again nor i deliver something that isn't up to my own standards. for the moment i think leaving the blog public might be the best choice in hopes that any of my old (and cringy) writing can help someone out while they're feeling down

i will take a few days to make sure everything is organized again + i'll probably clean my askbox and change the rules to make sure this is a nice experience for both everyone reading and me. ideally i would like to revamp the visuals in the blog and come up with a cute layout but graphic design is (not) my passion and that's one of the parts i struggle with the most in blog management

so yeah, sorry for the radio silence i'll do better next time 🙏

—ᓚᘏᗢ

#nyaitsu talks #ensemble stars #enstars #there are more things i wanted to say but #i made this long enough didn't i?#aaaaa i always talk wayy too much

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datturtle · 1 year

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For as long as I can remember, there's been a voice in the back of my head that's constantly telling me what I'm doing wrong, and what I should be doing instead.

It feels like I have a permanent Filipino mom installed in my subconscious. Whenever I have something that I know I need to do, the voice in the back of my head tells me I should stop what I'm doing right now and just do that thing instead, stop wasting time.

Even when I'm just trying to relax and do some thing W that I enjoy, that voice in the back of my head gets even louder. It tells me I don't deserve to enjoy myself. Why haven't I done X, Y, or Z yet? How can I even live with myself like this?

So I go ahead and try to do X. But when I do, I'm constantly distracted. I'm second-guessing my ability to do it properly, and overanalyzing my every attempt at doing X. Then I ultimately fail to do X. The voice in my head tells me I shouldn't be having this much trouble with this at this point, am I really 28 years old? What a sorry fucking excuse for an adult. I keep making such stupid mistakes, and REPEATING these same mistakes. I don't think I'll ever learn how to do this properly.

I have put off doing Y for a long while, and the voice in the back of my head gets even louder.

Why have you been putting off doing something so simple? Just go fucking do it, you idiot. This is why you never get anything done, because you take so long thinking about doing Y without actually doing it. What are you preparing for? You're gonna fail anyway, so why even bother planning so much? You're hopeless.

So I finally do Y, and I feel momentary relief. But then the voice gets smug.

Wow, that took you long enough. See, you could do it after all. If only you just listened to me earlier, then this wouldn't have been such a big deal. Why don't you just do what I tell you to do, when I tell you to do it? You're so difficult. You already know I'm right.

My mood is sour. I don't even feel like doing Z anymore. I'm not even confident in my ability to do it, and now I'm exhausted just thinking about it. It's better that I don't even try, and wait till I'm in the right mindset to tackle it.

And the voice goes,

Wow, you're really gonna use that excuse again? You're tired? What have you even done? You've failed at doing X, barely accomplished doing Y, and you're not even gonna start on Z? You're gonna wait for the right mindset? Okay, so when is that happening? Because it sure as hell has managed to escape you for the longest fucking time. You don't have the right to take it easy right now. You'll never catch up at this rate. You're just a fucking waste of oxygen, you know that? Other people don't even struggle this hard doing such a simple task. Look at the people you know. Do you think they struggle with doing Z? No, because they've all grown up. They learned to do that on their own so long ago. But you? You're nothing but a fucking child in a man's body. You let your fear of failure control your whole life. You're just a loser who refuses to look reality in the face, who ignores his own problems and keeps finding all sorts of excuses not to do the things you know you have to learn how to do on your own. You're not a victim, you're just a coward. You're fucking cringy. You're embarrassing. You're disgusting. I hate that I have to live in such a shitty, half-assed life. You're just wasting your time. You never get anything done. You always let people down. Especially those close to you, who just want you to get better. What results do you have to show for all that effort you told them you were putting in? Huh? Why do you keep letting them down? Do you actually not care about them? You're really gonna make excuses when so many people are counting on you to get better? You even started to make a list of all the things you have to do, so you wouldn't forget. So you can't even use that excuse anymore. So what is it, huh? Tell me, why won't you just fucking do what you're SUPPOSED TO DO?

I've had it with this voice. So I just choose to ignore it, and do whatever I want to do. But the more I try and ignore it, the louder it comes roaring back, when I least want to hear it.

I decide to try and finally enjoy W. But it's different this time. That guilt in the back of my mind has grown 10x larger, and it's only getting worse. Now I hear the voice in the back of my head judge me at the games I'm playing.

Wow, this is something you're doing for fun, right? Why are you so bad at it? If you can't even get good at the things you're trying to enjoy, why even bother? You're wasting your time. If you're gonna spend time getting better at something, at least spend it on learning to do something that will actually improve your life.

Okay, there goes my relaxation. But maybe I have a point there. So I decide to channel some of that energy into getting good at journaling. After all, it's something that I've been wanting to do for a while anyway.

But I have slip-ups from time to time. Whoops, voice is back.

You're so inconsistent with your journaling, are you even trying? It takes 30 days to establish a habit, but you've failed half a month into the new year. It's like you don't even care about getting better. This clearly isn't working out for you, so why don't you just give up and save yourself the trouble? Hey, with all this time you spent on getting better at journaling, why didn't you spend that time and energy on Z? You could've been done with it by now.

It's like I can never win with this voice. It's an endless hate machine, that does nothing but cast judgment. It never acknowledges what I do right, and it has a seemingly endless amount of energy to point out what I do wrong. Whenever I accomplish anything I set out to do, instead of feeling a sense of satisfaction, I just feel relief. Relief that I don't have to worry about doing that thing. And then go on to doing the next thing.

It's an endless cycle with no mental reward, that I think has ultimately led to me burning out. I want to change it. But whenever I do try to change it, I end up thinking I just want to rip that part of me out entirely. And that never ends well. It ends up coming right back, manifesting in ways that I least expect--sometimes even externally, directed towards the people I care about. I hate that the most.

I've come to understand that I don't need to necessarily discard this voice. It can be useful at times. I just need to learn that I will always have these types of thoughts, they're a part of me that I just need to accept. I don't have to let these thoughts inform my actions. But that's much, much easier said than done.

Yeah, considering how much trouble you had just doing Z, good luck trying to get rid of me. I'm the voice that's gotten you this far, after all. You're nothing without me.

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weiszklee · 1 year

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You know, a lot of my problems could probably be solved with some self-discipline, but I associate self-discipline so much with a time in my life when I was denying my needs and pushing myself to work beyond sustainable levels, that now I feel like I just can't do it. Sometimes an urgent deadline pulls me back into the same mindset, and it is generally not good for me, I oscillate between "functioning" and being paralyzed like a dear in the headlights, and it's only after the deadline is gone that I can go back to taking care of myself, enjoying life, and so on.

Probably what I was used to practicing was not actually what most people mean with "self-discipline", but I don't really know another way. Gritting my teeth and hating life is just ... how I learned to get things done. It's no wonder I lost my interest in it. The more I went to therapy, the more I learned to love my life, the more I learned to care for myself ... the less dependable I got. For the most part, I now refuse to work myself into a panic in order to get things done, because I learned this wasn't good for me, but that also means I just get nothing done now.

I think the problem is twofold, it's both that I need to push against bigger resistance and that I have less energy in a day to do so. Like, even brushing my teeth always, always feels like a chore, I have to really force myself to do it. And I can manage to do it twice a day, but it takes a lof of effort, and it seems to be not that big a deal for other people. Like, is brushing their teeth fun for other people? Or how else do they motivate themselves to do things which are not fun (or immediately urgent)? Do they not have a part of themselves that is dragging their feet every step of the way? Seems fake, I dunno.

#mine

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ruvigapo · 2 years

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Another personal post today bc i feel like i just.. am better able to think when i know someone's listening.

Remember blog culture?? I'm channeling That right now 😂😂

It's occured to me lately all the ways on which my adhd really has inhibited my ability to draw, and i just wanted to write it all out in a bulletpoint format and go through them to see if i can't find a solution to some of them.

Boredom - i get bored doing the same thing for too long and will rarely finish something if it takes me more than a week to finish.

Computer runs on 4GB - My computer is, sadly, shit. Which means a lot if waiting and hassling to save files on external hard drives.

External validation - not unique to adhd but i've been told we react much more strongly to other people's opinions of us, which sounds about right. So if i don't feel other people enjoy what i make, or even one person doesn't, whose opinion i value, i lose motivation.

Going outside - drawing from life is something i enjoy but it's very hard for me to do, which has led to me feeling very stuck in a single mindset for a very long time even though i would like to get inspiration from other sources. The insp bank is just very empty.

Starting and stopping - it's just such a hassle to navigate hyperfocus. To an extent i know how to trigger it, work with it, make the most of it, etc. But it still just takes a Lot of energy to manage.

Back pain - having a hard time exercising and stretching regularly has made it so my back pain is stopping me from drawing even if i want to.

Too tired all the time - everything is much more exausting when u have adhd so even if i wanted to work on åersonal projects or whatever, the physical and emotional toll is just too high.

Probably not an exaustice list lbr but at leadt i have it.

So a few things are more existential in nature like: "what do i want to spend my limited time on this earth making?" "Why do i feel like what i am doing is not enough?" Etc. Etc. And probably can't be solved in one sitting.

A couple things can rly be aided by a better settup though so once i move in i'm going to need to start thinking about a better settup:

A better computer with a RAM that doesn't actively want me dead.

(And good screen placement to go w that, so im not actively murdering my neck).

(And a new tablet that's not 10yrs old and a safety hazard).

Established places for all my tools so i can work with minimal effort.

Smaller usb sticks labeled by year would be nice. Computer folders drive me mad.

An inspiration board (and planning board) would be nice. Being able to visually see all my projects in action at all times. Worth a try honestly.

Moving in and settling down will aid on a few fronts:

Generally not being constantly worried about moving in to a new appartment will be swell. Love that for future me.

Exercise will happen more regularly once i move in and am not constantly stressed. Also i'll live rly close to a gym so.. fingers crossed that solves That problem.

Going back to work will help with that.

Fingers crossed ill have energy for parkour again soon🤞🤞🤞

Genuinely no solution for the Too Tired problem. I'll likely just have to let myself rest once in a while even if it means giving up on exercise and drawing for a week or more at a time. Which is probably healthy lbr.

Which.. that leaves the three biggest issues (shocker).

Going outside would help with boredom but going outside is hard.

I think i'll have to invest in some better outdoorsy bags. Like those rly cool leather hip pouches. Those would be great. Just.. a way to easily carry equipment qith me so i can just draw when i feel like it and don't have to dig around a bag just find a pencil.

Like this lol. Big enough to fit an a5 sketch book bc that's my preffered size snd like.. one water colour set and a pen. Imagine that. I think that would be Swell. I don't need a bunch. Just enough that i can carry the essentials anywhere i go.

The dream.

Another reason to marry a leather worker.

And honestly like.. i think taking a break from fanart and social media and just going outside to draw and see the world.

I think that's what i need rn.

Then there's the issue of external validation, which isn't anyone's fault, it just kinda Is.

I figure quitting social media can help with that too. Sorry to say.

The rest is probably just processing what i want to do and stuff. Ya kno. The existential bits.

#muffin rambles #personal #im feeling anxioys and in s #i must fix everythng #mood #like #ik when i get like this best i can do is notice it #look it in the eye #and say smth like #thats okay #just breathe #itll be all right #long post

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thoughtsbegone · 1 year

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Things that have happened since we parted ways

It has been two? Three months? Since we have last spoken. As usual, it ended in a heated argument. You blocked me out of nowhere which still angers me sometimes because I don't get it, but now I'm just "meh" towards the whole situation. A lot has happened since then, and I can finally say I have moved on.

I've decided to cut my hair shorter than before, and I love it. I'm more confident now, I received a lot of compliments from other people, especially my friends and Ligaya, who always says that I look pogi whenever she sees the chance. I also say that I'm pogi out of nowhere, and I get really happy because of it, I can say that I'm more confident in myself now that I love how I look. I started going to the gym and working out more, plainly because we need it for training and such but it also boosts my whole energy. I'm more positive towards the world and how I face things, my mindset has changed a lot and, I don't know. I'm more carefree now, happier than before. Classes still drain the heck out of me, but I'm more eager to work on it than bury it under the ground. I found lots of things fun now, who knew that I would get better at Valorant hahaha. I'm playing Genshin less but I think that's because I get to play with friends on Valo more than I do with Genshin. I'm spending less time with Angel, Karen, and Jess that's because we're all busy with different things in life. Karen is now living with Abi at Sta. Cruz, meanwhile Angel, and Jess are busy with their meetings at school. I remember how you said you're jealous of Ligaya, out of all the people! Haha! But I'm thankful for her, she doesn't know it but she saved me more than once. She helped me in more things than she thinks she did. And also Nekol, who we now call Doktora, if it wasn't for the two of them, I wouldn't know where I would be right now. I don't think I'll be writing this or even join drumcorps. Because of those two people, I met other souls who are genuine, caring and supportive. Pops, Wawi, Katrina, Belle, Patrick! All of them managed to impact my life in ways I could never have imagined before.

I'm still working on my relationship with my parents, these days it was more rocky than before. We fought more but that was because I'm trying to tell them more than I did in the past and opening up with the issues that I see with us as a family. I'm more vocal now, I speak up about what I feel, if I can't talk to other people I try to write as much as possible. It helps, believe it or not, it really does and it makes me happy when I read it again.

This is out of the blue but, I met this girl HAHAHAHA. I know my friends are gonna laugh when they see this but I did meet this girl out of nowhere on Omegle. She's 2 years younger than me but she acts like she's the same age as me. I kinda like her, she's a genuine soul who should be protected and cared for but she has this tough shell that's sometimes hard to crack and read but she peels it off piece by piece as time goes by. She's really fun to be with and I enjoy teasing the hell out of her, we have this banter relationship and I just enjoy it. I saw her for the first time last month and I had a blast spending time with her, I think we grew closer because of that but I'm happy that she gained more friends through me, a stranger she met on Omegle just to play valo with. She knows I like her but I just joke around with her because she likes someone else and I respect her, I don't push whatever I feel towards her even though my friends hear enough of me going "I miss ******" or "I like ******" HAHAHAHA. Yes I'm censoring shit because who knows who will read this. But if my friends are the ones who are reading this, you all know who I'm talking about because I taLK ABOUT HER ALL THE TIME. Added thought to that is, I'm more open to loving someone now. I went back to the yellow app, I know you know this because you swiped on me. Sorry but I didn't swipe right on you because when I said I no longer want any connections, I meant that. But I am more open on letting people in my life now, example is the one above, but I'm more cautious and I choose those who I give myself to. Right now I'm not entertaining anyone because I genuinely like this person and I like their company but yeah, if time goes by and whatever feelings that I have for this person goes away, I might try again. I no longer entertain the idea of having too many people to talk to, I guess I got tired of doing it a lot back then and would just like to focus on one person now. I stopped smoking cigs now, I remember we always smoke a stick or two when we see each other and now I don't. I switched to disposable vapes and I enjoy it a lot. I may have missed a thing or two here and there but these are the things that my brain brought up. That sums up the things that happened when we stopped talking. I hope you're better now and is a lot happier than before if you are with someone, then good for you. If not, then that's still good, I hope everything goes well in your life. I know your graduation is coming up, and I just want to apologize that I won't be able to fulfill the promise that I said to you back then that I would attend your graduation, but I will send you flowers when the time comes, and I hope you'll appreciate them once you receive them. I'm still thinking about going and giving you the flower personally, but I don't think that will bring anything between the two of us. I will try my best to send you the flowers that I have mentioned, and I just want to say that still, after everything that has happened between the two of us. I'm proud of the woman that you have become.

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meditating-dog-lover · 2 years

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Bloating personal causes

I know I talk so much about bloating recently, but it is an issue I want to manage. I am getting the hang of it and am feeling much better with time, but I like to write my thoughts out on here. Keep in mind that I hate restrictive diets and they have ruined my relationship with food. So this helped me identify the best foods and eating patterns for me where I can eat in a healthy way without depriving myself or adopting an orthorexic mindset.

Here's a super long list that includes the things that make me feel bloated (after weeks/months of trial and error, following that a list of things that helped me curb bloating):

Too much salt. Consuming really salty foods like chips, crackers, chicken tenders, burgers, pizza, etc... does cause me to bloat. It's not that bad if I don't consume too much and let my stomach rest + drink water afterward. But overall, it is a definite cause of bloating for me.

Dairy. Personally, I can consume cheese and yogurt without any serious bloating effects (I can't give cheese up), but milk bloats me a lot. Ice cream, store-bought lattes, mochas, etc... bloat me a lot (especially if they are cold and not warm/hot).

Sugary and carb-rich foods are devoid of any nutrients (such as protein and fiber). These are the foods I eat and then half an hour later I am still hungry. These include milk chocolate, chips, white bread, croissants, donuts, cookies, donuts, and other baked goods and sugary candies. When I eat these, I am eating something that is high in calories but completely devoid of macro and micro-nutrients. As a result, my stomach starts growling half an hour to an hour later because I am not satiated. They say sugar can cause bloating because it disrupts your gut bacteria when they try to digest it. I don't think that's my issue - my issue is that they absolutely do not fill me up and cause my stomach to growl not that long later. A low protein dinner does this to me (like the pizza dinner I had last night).

Artificial sweeteners. Unlike sugar, artificial sweeteners cause me to bloat. These include stevia, erythritol, Truvia, Splenda, aspartame, and xylitol. And I'm going to be honest, they all taste horrible (this is my personal opinion). I don't consume them anymore, but I used to add them to my coffee and wondered why my stomach looked 3 times bigger.

Soft drinks and other bubbly beverages. The gas content of these drinks causes a lot of bloating. I'm not a soft drink fanatic, but I do enjoy Diet Coke every now and then (I always liked the taste). Also, they have the same effect as (3) because they are absolutely not filling and make you hungry afterward for real food.

Snacking. Whenever you eat, your stomach does stretch out. However, my issue with snacking is if I eat something that is not filling, I will not feel full and satisfied (especially if it doesn't contain protein). As a result, I'm going to get a growling stomach. Even if I eat something like fruit on its own, this will definitely happy. I usually eat my snacks with my main meals unless it's a late-night snack I can eat before sleeping.

Monthly cycle. I cannot do anything to prevent this as it is completely normal and should never be treated as not normal.

Drinking water immediately after or with meals. I feel like it somehow dilutes my stomach acids and I cannot digest food as well as I want to. I still do consume at least 2 L of water, but I try to do it not during meals

Chewing gum. I don't chew gum anymore since I don't like artificial sweeteners, but I've noticed from past experience that it does cause bloating.

What helped me curb bloating:

Drinking enough water (2 L min per day). 1 L first thing when I wake up and 1 L before I sleep in the evening/night.

Eating foods rich in fiber such as fruit, veggies, chia seeds, dark chocolate, sweet potatoes, and whole grains (no, grains and gluten do not personally bloat me). I'm considering getting some psyllium husk for days where I am low on fiber as a supplement (as opposed to those artificial sugary gummies).

Eating every 5 or so hours. Contrarily, eating too little or too far apart does lead to bloating since your stomach starts to growl when you are hungry. For me, eating every 5 hours works best (not including sleep). If I need a late-night snack, then I will go for it (a spoon of peanut butter helps). But having an empty stomach at any time of the day and having it growl and gurgle is absolute hell and can lead to potential binge eating since you're practically starving and in desperate need of food.

Drinking some matcha tea after each meal. It helps more with digesting than water does since it is a metabolism booster. I guess this is comparable to the lemon water + ACV shot trend but less acidic and therefore less harmful for your teeth.

Consuming enough protein in each meal. I'd argue that this is just as important as consuming enough fiber. Protein fills me up more than anything, which is why I failed as a vegetarian. I do not feel full unless I eat protein with each meal. I can't even snack on fruit alone or anything else that is low on protein because half an hour later, I will be hungry again (and my stomach growls all over). Protein is so filling and is necessary to have with each meal along with fiber if I want to avoid bloating. This explains why my stomach felt bloated and growly the morning after our Friday pizza night despite having a large window between the pizza dinner and the next morning when I woke up. Because I did not have a protein-dense dinner. Pizza is great here and there, but protein is essential if I want to feel the best digestion and bloating-wise.

Consuming non-dairy milk such as almond and coconut milk as an alternative to dairy milk.

If I crave a salty snack or dish, eating it but in small quantities to avoid consuming way too much salt and therefore feeling uncomfortable. Getting a smaller bag of chips and eating it with a filling meal as a "side" is a lot better than eating a large bag of chips and considering it to be a meal replacement.

If I crave a sweet snack, I'm not entirely sure what I can do just yet. But I don't believe in replacing my healthy fiber and protein-rich snacks and meals with something high in calories and devoid of any nutrients and does not fill me up. I'll have to figure something out.

#bloating #healthy eating #feeling better #say no to diets #say yes to listening to your body #say yes to taking care of yourself #trial and error #my body #personal biochemistry

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thegracelessfaceless · 3 years

Note

For the ask game, maybe 30 for Jeff the Killer if you do him? If not, that's fine, you can do whatever character you like. But thank you

You got it, love! I had a little bit off trouble getting into the Jeff mindset, at first. Then I swear his spirit must have taken over, because, shit this gets dark 😅

30. "Ugh, my head... What happened?"

(From Whump Prompts by @whumpster-dumpster )

🔪Drunk and In Love (Jeff the Killer x Reader)🔪

Tw: This is a Jeff the Killer ficlet. More so, it's a David Near Jeff the Killer ficlet. There will be talk of murder, wounds, gore, and sexual themes. If you get triggered by that, maybe Jeff isn't the character for you (just saying). Because of this, the fic will begin under the cut. Enjoy! 🧡

New Journal

🔪Entry #1

It's been a few years since I escaped from that nuthouse in Forest Lawn and killed that crackpot doctor. I've tried to put as much distance between that place and me as possible. I can't help but feel like I'm being followed sometimes, but I try to ignore it as best I can.

Truthfully, I'm getting tired. What I did in Forest Lawn made it onto the national news. Police managed to generate a pretty accurate image of me with CGI, so it's likely I could be recognized at any moment. I travel at night and don't sleep well during the day. I stick to the shadows, only coming out for food, water, or to kill.

After Forest Lawn, I tried to stop, but the anger always comes boiling up, drowning me. I wake up the next night, covered in blood, clutching my knife, Matilda, to my chest like Liu used to hold his dolls.

I miss Liu. In a fucked up way, I even miss Mom and Dad. I don't think I actually miss my parents though. I think I'm just lonely. I miss having someone to talk to, the comfort of human touch. And I never have time to really enjoy myself. For once I would like to take my time, like with Christy.

🔪Entry #2

After a few days thought, I've decided to go back to Forest Lawn. I know it's risky, but... I remember back at school, before everything started getting out of control, there was one person I could halfway call a friend besides Liu. They were always in the library during lunch, their light haired head buried in a book. I would sit at the same table as them and watch them as they read. Their name was Reader. After a few days of sitting with them, Reader started small talk with me and I enjoyed their company. I know I won't be able to keep them. It's too dangerous, I could be caught, plus I don't need to worry about keeping up with another person, I'm barely living myself. But I can keep them around for a little while, at least until morning.

🔪Entry #3

I estimate that I'll be in Forest Lawn by morning. I'm tired, but I feel driven. I think the anger is building again. I hope I don't black out during my time with Reader. Then it would all be for nothing. Today, I dreamed about my time with Reader when I get to Forest Lawn. It was the best dream I've had in a long time. I was surprised that I got enough sleep to dream, but I guess all of my traveling has tired me out. I'll recover for a couple of nights before I track Reader down. That way I'll be fresh.

🔪Entry #4

I found them. I found Reader. There's a construction site across from the post office and I sat up post there, watching during daytime hours. They came after my second day here. Luckily it's a weekend, or I would've been found by the workers. I was antsy and a headache was starting. Then a car drove up and Reader got out and went in. They dropped some junk mail in the trash on the way out. Careless of them, but it's good luck for me. I waited until the lot and street was empty, the post office closed for lunch, and dug one of the flyers out of the mail. It had been forwarded from their home address to their box. Even luckier. I'll go there tonight and see if there's a place I can stay nearby. I'm too anxious to sleep and my head is pounding.

🔪Entry #5

I've found an empty house that sits diagonally from Reader's house. I can see into their bedroom window from the upstairs bedroom. I'd take the time to enjoy their lovely form like I used to with Christy but my head is still hurting and my skin feels like it's going to crawl off of my body. I'm so frustrated that I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm going to have to find something to numb this anger out if I want to remember my special night with Reader.

🔪Entry #6

I broke into the liquor store where I stole that bottle of whisky that that biker motherfucker used to set me on fire. The scars aren't as bad now, fading with time. I'll never be mistaken for a beauty queen, but I'm happy with the result. I'm just as monstrous on the outside as I am on the inside. I filled up my duffle bag with bottles and left before the police could respond to the alarms. The vodka I'm drinking puts a fire in my gut, but numbs out that stifling anger, so, it serves me well. It's been really... Nice out the past few days. Maybe Reader will come out to enjoy the good weather tomorrow. Another added benefit of the booze is that it helps me sleep. It's working even now.

🔪Entry #7

I can't wait any longer, it has to be tonight. I don't feel great about being drunk tonight with Reader, but I can't let myself lose control. I refuse to miss this. Why does it have to be tonight? Because I watched Reader doing lawn upkeep for 3 hours today. They came out dressed for the warm temperature, their tee shirt and shorts showing off all that lovely pale skin. Not as pale as mine, but then, no one's paler than an albino. I watched them mow their small front yard, and mess around with their flower garden. I guess the Homeowners Association is still strict as hell. The longer I watched, the more I felt that part of me that has a bloodlust. It can't wait. Reader will be dead by morning.

🔪Entry #8

The sun just set. I woke up to prepare. I hated waking up because I dreamed of Reader again. About tonight. About rubbing Readers hot, slick blood over my skin until I'm covered in it. About cutting them open and wrapping myself in their entrails. Of cutting out their heart and holding it in my hands. It felt great to feel their body struggling under mine, and then my alarm woke me, pissing me off. I'm going to have a few drinks and wait for them to turn the lights out. Then, it's time.

🔪Entry #9

I'm in a state of shock. I think I felt fear for the first time, I think, like actual fear. It was intoxicating. I made it over to Reader's house and tried the front door. It actually opened. Once again, stupid of them, but lucky for me. Or so I thought. I made my way into the house and was about to start up the stairs when I heard a floorboard creak behind me. I turned just enough to see the flash of a wooden bat. The world seemed to slide to the left and then everything was black. The whisky I drank must have slowed my reflexes.

When I woke up, I was in a room that looked like a basement. My hands were bound behind my back with more of the zip ties that held my ankles together. I heard a small sound, like a shifting of cloth and looked in that direction. Reader was sitting a few feet away from me, legs crossed on the floor in front of them, with a patient look on their face.

"Jeffery Mason" they said, "never thought I'd see you again." They got up from the floor and walked over to me, coming down to my level in a squat. They pulled a switchblade from their back pocket and held the hilt to my chest, thumb on the button. My insides felt like they liquified and I gulped as I turned my head to see them better. The world did its sliding thing again and I closed my eyes.

I tried to answer, but had to clear my throat first.

"Ugh, my head... What happened?"

Then I remembered seeing the bat before everything went black.

"You knocked me out with a bat."

Reader nodded once, still holding the switchblade to the stretch of hoodie under my breastbone.

"How did you know?"

"I saw you watching me from the house across the street. Do you think I'm stupid, Jeff?"

I shook my head, my skin going cold. I'd thought they hadn't seen me. The alcohol made me more careless than I thought. I was already starting to feel it again through the shock.

"Yes, you did. And you were wrong, weren't you?"

I nodded, "Now I know better."

They pulled the knife away from my abdomen and moved it to my ankles, cutting the zip ties there, then then ones on my wrists. Feeling that I didn't know I had lost came flooding back and I rubbed at my hands, trying to get the tingling to stop.

"Get up," they demanded, "and come on. You were just leaving, right?"

I got up slowly, stamping my feet a little to wake them up, "Right."

I followed them back up the basement stairs and through the house to the front door. I saw the remnants of the bat, shattered and laying on the floor in a small puddle of blood. As soon as I saw it, the side of my head started aching. How the fuck did I even survive that?!

Reader held the door for me and I passed through it and they spoke after I went down the three steps of their porch.

"And Jeff," they said and I looked back to see them walk up to me quickly. They grabbed a handful of my hoodie and pulled me close, "Stay the fuck away from me and out of Forest Lawn, or next time, I'll fucking kill you."

They can try.

But I won't stay away.

🔪Entry #10

I fell asleep almost immediately when I got back to the house I was camping out in, after writing my last entry. When I woke up, I had a splitting headache, but not the same kind as when the anger starts taking over. I guess Reader scared it away for now. I'll deal with it when it comes. I grabbed a bottle to numb both my emotions and the ache in the side of my head.

Thinking now, I realize I felt another new emotion: love. I love Reader. They're not the same as Christy, or any of my victims. Reader is strong. Reader is unafraid. Reader is cunning. Reader is... Perfect. So now here I am, drunk and in love. I know Reader will try to kill me if I see them again, but I can't not see them. Being with Reader was like being on a drug, a terrifying, but amazing drug. And now I can't get enough. I will have them, fuck the consequences. Reader, don't let your guard down, I'm coming for you.

🔪Entry #11

I'm moving locations so Reader won't get suspicious. I just got back from leaving a love note for Reader on their front door. I'll have to steal a new knife from somewhere, because I used Matilda to pin the note to their door. It's a gift for them, a token of my love. I hope they like it.

Also, all creeps are open for requests. If I'm not familiar with them, it may take me a little longer to write because I'll have to get to know them, but I'm always willing to expand 🧡

#creepypasta #jeff the killer #david near #jefferymason #jeff the killer x reader #the morgue files #graciefacewrites #tw stalking #tw unsanitary #tw blood #tw gore #tw Jeff the Killer

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my-reality-my-rules · 2 years

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hello! i feel like i’m finally in a good place to try shifting again but every time i try to doesn’t work or i get distracted and fall asleep, and a month or so ago i asked for angel numbers as a sign that i’m going to shift soon and i’ve been seeing them like crazy but for some reason i’m just not shifting and it’s kinda discouraging- do you have any tips for staying focused and not getting distracted? and for staying motivated when an attempt is a fail-

thank you! <333

[thanks for this ask1]

I've been in a similar state lately, though it hadn't strictly been about shifting. other personal matters have been plaguing me as well. and in response to this; while the idea is different, i think the thought still applies.

one of the first things you can do is to reframe your thoughts. before being focused, you have to be motivated. what use is there in doing something, when you feel that you can't even be bothered to care about it? sometimes, shifting can feel like an obligation; we don't always realise it, because it's something we think we do out of personal desires��but there comes a point where it stops being about self-enjoyment, where it's not so much about getting what you want for yourself, and more an urge to imitate others because they've done what you can't, or have what you don't.

stop comparing yourself to others—take a moment to ask yourself the reason you started shifting. think of why you want this at all. when you figure it out, hold onto that thought, and hold on tightly. always keep your goal close to your heart, always remind yourself of your purpose.

now, onto the focusing part—let's divide this into two sections: in general (grit and resilience; how to keep yourself on track of your objective) and the specific (a tip you can do while trying to shift).

- - -

(1) in general

I'm not sure if I've posted about this before, but I'll just say it again; be gritty and resilient. develop a passion and perseverance for the long-term goal. as I've mentioned in an older post, think of your Ithaca. think of yourself as a muscle that needs to be strengthened; resist complacency and develop a good habit. form a mindset that says, 'Whatever it takes, I want to improve, and I say it with full confidence.'. actively learn from failure, be meticulous, and persevere to your goal.

liken yourself to a bop bag toy; no matter how many times you fall, you always manage to get back up. you have a choice on if you want to look at stars, or at mud. while there's nothing wrong with being discouraged, it becomes unacceptable when you get stuck in the rut, and you let it happen. instead of thinking shifting is something you have to do, say it's something you get to do. this can be applied to other things you also enjoy—don't treat it as an obligation in any manner, and you'll see a difference with the way you tackle your tasks.

- - -

(2) the specific

one of the most common things i do while shifting to keep myself focused on actually doing so is to forcibly remind myself of what I'm doing. when my eyes are closed, i take a breath, and really will myself to think of my DR. i know the word 'force' sounds somewhat bad, but i have the attention span of a toddler, and it's really annoying when i spiral. i needed to instill some kind of discipline in myself at some point, and forming a habit of blurring out unwanted thoughts helps. i always redirect my focus on the task at hand.

or, instead of saying you were distracted by things in your CR (ex., homework, noise, doubts, etc.), tell yourself you were distracted by things in your DR. you know how some people don't always shift because they keep thinking of unfinished CR business? take that, but move the perspective in a way that you're looking forward to being in your DR instead. i find doing this to be a bit easier as i do have many things to finish in my DR's—and it fills me with a sense of urgency. if you ever feel like you're getting off-track again, then imagine being late to a zoom class, and trying to log in as quick as possible.

think of shifting that way. everyone is waiting for you, and the longer you spend time dawdling, the longer you'll also take to go and finish. again, in the end, it's about forming a habit—that's really the best thing i could offer. they're what make you active and controlled.

- - -

i hope this helps! the tip probably isn't much but it might still be useful. for now, much love and happy shifting ❤️❤️

#shifting #shifting realities #reality shifting #desired reality #shift #Esther's shifting posts

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adhd-adept · 3 years

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I have self diagnosed adhd and i was wondering if you could provide some advice regarding reading. I used to be able to just pick up a book and read when i was younger, but now that I'm older it's a bit difficult to just pick up a book and read for the sake of reading. I love reading, but i just can't seem to motivate myself to.

Any advice? I'd really love to get back into reading, but I'm trying to find a way to do it easier

Hello! I’m sorry this took me so long to answer, I’ve been mostly off Tumblr for a little while. I saw this some time ago at 3AM and thought “this deserves a more coherent response than I can give right now” and then forgot that this blog existed for several days.

That said, I absolutely have some advice for reading! I was a big reader as a kid, too, and I’ve recently had to re-discover reading after a long gap in any time spent sitting down with an honest-to-goodness book. There are a number of things you might consider!

DISTRACTIONS

First and foremost, recognize the reason it is difficult to read! For me, it is because reading isn’t the most interesting thing available. That doesn’t mean I don’t love reading! If I can manage to sit down and read a book, it is immensely satisfying - but it’s the satisfaction of the effort you put into something paying off. My favorite hobbies - drawing, writing, reading - are my favorite because of that sense of accomplishment that they give me.

I love the feeling of holding a book and watching my bookmark move through the pages each time I set it down. However, it doesn’t give me the same instant gratification of reading wikipedia, or tvtropes, or scrolling Tumblr, or checking notifications on social media; even when I am unsatisfied, or even frustrated, with the internet, it can be very hard to put down. I know that people will tell you all the time “You need to put your phone down more!!” It gets old. But they have a point. What people don’t tell you is how to do that.

For me, that tends to be about making it inconvenient for myself to get online, or do whatever is distracting me. This doesn’t necessarily mean making it completely unavailable. The distraction just needs to be less available than the task I want to do. I am the kind of person who gets online out of muscle memory, and then gets stuck there. Thus, many of my tricks rely on disrupting the muscle memory that lets you pick up distractions. I will put my laptop charger in another room, so that my screen time is limited to its battery life. I might tie a string around my laptop, or tape it closed, so when I go to open it I will be reminded “Oh yeah, I don’t want to do this right now.” I will occasionally rearrange the apps on my phone, so when I try to open Instagram and end up with the weather app instead, the thought of “wait, how did i get here” will snap me out of the thoughtless habits that led me to pick up my phone in the first place. I’ve even gone so far as to tape my phone to the ceiling. Whatever works.

If the weather permits, I might also walk a little ways down the block and find somewhere to sit and read. This can come with its own distractions, but it gets me away from my laptop, and I get a tiny bit more exercise and sunshine than I would have otherwise! This depends, of course, on whether you have transportation and whether you feel safe. But getting yourself out of the house can be a great way to get away from the things that would otherwise draw you away from reading. If you have a local cafe or library that permits you to sit and stay, those are also great options! I will bring my phone when I leave the house, but I might put it at the bottom of my bag, or put a bit of scotch tape over the power button, so that I have my phone in case of emergency but it’s just slightly inconvenient to get to without thinking about it.

It may not be the internet distracting you. But whatever the distraction is, it doesn’t need to be less compelling than reading. It just needs to be less readily available than your book is!

ENTHUSIASM

Another thing that prevents me from reading is that it often doesn’t have the same sense of urgency that other tasks might, whether that urgency is real or not. Give yourself a time limit! I may own books I haven’t read yet, but I will get to a book sooner if I have borrowed it from the library, because I know there is a deadline to return it!

You can also get other people involved. If you have a friend who wants to read the same book, commit to a chapter or two a week and then call to discuss it.

Or, if you have a friend who would be interested, and you are comfortable with your reading voice, you could read to someone! It might feel weird to offer, but you’d be surprised how many people really do enjoy being read to. If you both have time in your schedules, you could try to set up a regular call to get through a few chapters at a time.

Generally, having a friend who likes the book is great for maintaining enthusiasm, even if they’re not reading it with you - I get to books faster if someone with similar taste says “This is one of my favorites! You would love it!” If you have a friend who has read the book you plan on reading, announce to them that you intend on reading it. Their enthusiasm might help you feel more compelled to read it, and there’s a good chance that if you don’t sit down and read it, they will remind you by asking “Have you read it yet? What do you think?” the next time you talk to them.

PREPARATION

Another great way to make reading easier is to set up a reading space beforehand. It’s one thing to pick up a book and say “I’ve been meaning to read this.” It’s another thing to put on some pajama pants, make a cup of tea, and curl a soft blanket around your shoulders before you settle down to read. For one thing, it’s just nice. But more importantly, it can function as a signal that tells your brain “it is Reading Time now. We are in the Reading Zone.”

Do you ever watch a TV show or listen to a podcast, and you let the theme song play on the first episode, and then skip it for the rest? Even if I’ve watched a show before, I will play the theme song on the first episode I watch that day. It’s the same principle - it serves as a transition, an intro that says “this is where I am now, and this is what I’m doing.” Give yourself an intro for reading! Have a certain spot that you like to sit when you read. Have a certain snack you eat beforehand.

I have all kinds of tasks with little “rituals” before them that help me focus on that task, or certain items that I interact with which I associate with it. I call them “declarations of intent,” and once I’ve made a declaration it’s easier to commit to it. Sometimes that means simply saying out loud, “I am going to do the laundry now.” Sometimes it means I wear a certain shirt if I’m planning to go for a walk that day, or drink from a certain mug at breakfast if I want to get some homework done. I have a specific hat that I put on when I want to write a certain character. Try to find something you can do to act as a cue that says “When I do this, then I will read a book.” Because of this, it can help to really lean into whatever the “aesthetic” of reading is, in your mind. Embrace a reading atmosphere!

It may also help to recognize that reading is something you can work your way up to! There is no shame in being out of practice with a hobby. I took my reading proficiency for granted for a long time because it was just a part of my life. It may help to think of reading as a skill! Start with something smaller and work your way up. Pick up a book of short stories or folktales before you tackle that six-book series you’ve heard good things about! Set achievable goals for yourself when you’re setting out. An early success can make a huge difference to morale, and it’s much better to start “too easy” and accomplish something than to jump in at the deep end and be frustrated by an early setback.

FORGIVENESS

On the topic of working your way up to things, I would like to say a word about mindset. It is easy to feel self-critical about things. Things that you think should come more easily to you. Things that you feel like you have no reason not to be able to do. One of the biggest things I’ve done for my ADHD is recognizing that there is always a reason why I behave a certain way. Accepting that allows me to actually address my struggles, rather than just feeling ashamed of them. I’ve had to accept that I won’t always do things that I set out to do the way I set out to do them.

I bring this up because not all of my advice here may work for you. In fact, some of it doesn’t work for me every time - a technique may work once, but I might fail to make a regular habit of it. I may make a regular habit of something, only to have it become less effective as the novelty of it, or my enthusiasm for it, wears off. I may eventually talk myself out of implementing an effective strategy because there is some part of it that I find unpleasant; or an intentional unpleasantness I once found motivating may eventually become intolerable.

That’s okay. I’m telling you now, it’s okay if that happens. It’s okay if the first method you try doesn’t work. Don’t set yourself up to feel frustrated. If you become frustrated, take a step back. If you borrow a library book and you still haven’t read it by the due date, just give it back. If you don’t actually enjoy the first book you pick up, put it down and try a different one. If you feel badly about not reading something your friend wants you to read, be honest and tell them you have a hard time sitting down, and that you don’t want to disappoint them if they keep asking, but that you will let them know once you have started it!

It can be easy to convince myself that feeling badly about something means it’s important to me, and that maybe if I feel bad about not doing something, it motivate me to do it. There is a balance between making commitments, and not committing to anything that is just going to distress me. Sometimes there is a benefit to a sense of pressure, but I have to recognize when the pressure I create turns into frustration. That’s a fine line to walk! For all I speak of inconveniencing yourself, or holding yourself accountable, your strategies should ultimately feel satisfying, and show results fairly quickly! You may not see immediate results, but if it has been several days and your strategy isn’t working out, change tactics! And the moment you feel apologetic or ashamed about the thing you are trying to do, drop that strategy. Again, this can be easier said than done, but it is so worthwhile to learn how to allow yourself to “give up” on things that aren’t actually helping you, without feeling like you’re giving up entirely.

You want to get back into reading again because you want to enjoy reading again. If you set it up to feel like homework, or a chore, or an obligation, you may make it more difficult for yourself! Getting back into reading is about focusing on what you love about reading.

And hey, I’m always happy to help! I do only check Tumblr every couple weeks right now, but I’ll do what I can to be supportive. If you’ve tried these suggestions and they don’t work out, no worries! Everyone is different, and it’s no insult to me if things that work for me don’t work for you. But feel free to reach out again, let me know anything you have learned about how you function best in the meantime, and we can reevaluate your strategies!

I hope that helps! Happy reading!

#thanks for asking!!#nezjazz #let me know how this works out #a lot of the advice i have for reading is advice i have for Doing Tasks With ADHD in general to be honest #i use the same tricks i use to get myself to read sometimes to get myself to do things like wash dishes #it's about making yourself more interested in what you want yourself to do #and making it easier to do the important things relative to the ease of doing the less important things #i will just straight up delete apps off my phone if i spend too much time on them #most of the time i dont miss them #and tumblr i can access from my laptop it's just slightly more steps to actually log in and type in my password #(i ONLY use tumblr on incognito mode so it doesnt save my login and i have to actually enter my password every time)#(that way i know that if i actually take the steps to log on it's because i WANT to)#(because something about doing that is worth it to me)#(i did that today to come and answer this question lol)#(but that's also why it's taken me so long.)#(do let me know if you have any other questions! i'll be back eventually to help as best i can!)#(and i love feedback)#(if you discover something that works better for yourself let me know that too so i can share with everyone!)

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