🎉🎉 Happy 1st birthday to my beloved Commander !! 🎉🎉

[I included the blinds in this one if you want to post this one instead.]


I’d just like to add as a side note that before this, in early 2020, Sebastian had become more active again for the first time since around 2018, after drama went down with his ex. It had appeared that he was making a turn around for the fandom and becoming himself again, or at least attempting to.


Late March - June of 2020 


TFATWS stops filming. Sebastian starts looking rough through quarantine. 


March 25th he does a podcast with Don Saladino where he critiques people who travel during the pandemic, calling them dumb fucks and that it pisses him off.


April 29th Seb does solo pap walk with latex gloves.


May 3rd Seb does solo pap walk with mask and latex gloves, he even waterfalls his water bottle.


May 13 he posts a picture of NYC saying “Happy Days will come again” and puts a praying emoji.


May 15th he posts beautiful pictures he took of his city NYC during the pandemic and tags it “I love New York. We’ll be back.” (talking about pandemic being over.)


He appears in his friend’s Aaron’s video wearing a mask and looking at people without a mask and looking disappointed in them for not wearing one.
He does a few other interviews, including one with Variety, where he talks passionately about thanking healthcare workers and how he claps everyday at 7PM out his window to thank them.

 
It is evident he takes the quarantine and COVID very seriously.


Mid-Late May


He starts looking rough and it becomes evident to his fans that the quarantine is not doing him well. 


After his May 15th posts he stops posting.


May 22nd 2020 Sebastian Stan is signed with CAA.


*where things get weird*


Fans start wondering if he is doing okay and begin to grow concerned, especially after his most recent story showing him singing that he can’t wait for this year to end.
 

He is MIA during the George Floyd and BLM movement and fans begin leaving comments on his instagram interrogating him for not speaking about BLM and for his silence.


Fans begin leaving comments such as “Silence is an answer” on his Instagram and talk about his past start to arise on Twitter. (About his ex who used the N-word, and his assistant that he fired because she was Islamophobic. 


Other fans are still worried for his sudden silence during a time where most celebrities are being extremely vocal about BLM. 

While they are upset, they are still concerned.
On the news, his neighborhood is one of the areas in NYC shown on TV for being looted and attacked by vandalism. 

He is still silent.


May 31st he posts a NYTOpinion video about race, hash tagging it #justiceforGeorgeFloyd .


In the screen record for his video the names of his assistants come up on his phone. 
Sebastian does not say anything else for about three weeks when he then posts another charity on June 12th, one supporting Anthony Mackie.


JUNE 2020 


June 15th he posts another charity: one for conscious kid and one for Rayshard Brooks. He uses tag #blacklivesmatter .


Sebastian goes silent again. We don’t hear from him all month and fans grow even more worried now. 


He is silent for the rest of the month.


July


July 2nd/3rd He is seen on his friend’s Luke’s instagram in IBIZA for his manager’s birthday. Camera pans to Seb briefly and he looks unamused, almost trying to hide his face.


Fandom is in hysteria, and mostly confusion, because him being across the ocean during the pandemic went against everything he spoke about. 


Fandom is very upset with him. Especially since he is unmasked.


July 2nd/3rd, paparazzi pictures are released of him on a yacht laughing and kissing AO. Fandom is a mixture of confused, upset, but also happy for him because he looks like he is having a good time.


Fans on twitter start to aim ‘cancel culture’ and Sebastian Stan is Over trends for a few hours.


Paul H makes tweet defending his friend.


After July 4th and that week, fans uncover AO’s cultural ap. photos.

 
Some fans began interrogating her on her instagram. During this time we hear nothing directly from Seb.


He is silent on IG. 


July 3rd She posts Jet-ski picture without tagging him. 


Sometime this week they go to a very crowded strip/dance club of some sort. A friend records them and AO is seen sitting next to Seb and dancing against him.


July 7th AO does photoshoot in Madrid. New pap photo. Seb looks strikingly unhappy compared to pictures from July 3rd on the Yacht.


July 7th 2020 blind item, blind Item #11: “He might live in the US full time and be a naturalized US citizen, but this alliterate foreign born A list most movie actor used the passport he has from his birth country to take a vacation in Europe.”


Mid July to late July


Jul 8th - 12th silence. We assume they are still in Spain together, but we are not sure. We know she is.


July 12th, Ale posts first picture that we catch for being a throwback. It’s her on a beach, but we find out it’s old. We still don’t know where Seb is confirmed to be.


Silence again until the 14th when both Seb and Ale are called out for blocking fans on instagram that are attacking them. 


July 27th, Ale posts picture of the Netflix show she was on.


August


Nothing until August 11 when she tags her friend in a post saying she misses her. 


August 13th Seb posts his mother on his Birthday and also a The Devil All The Time clip.


LOOPHOLE TO USA.


August 14th she posts from Bermuda.


We soon make the connection that she uses this as loophole to get into the United States during Corona Virus. 


She posts several stories from there, including a boomerang of her throwing a towel at the camera. 


August 16th Seb posts another charity event that he did in Spain for a children’s hospital and school. 

His teams says it was planned many months in advance after fans question his reckless action.


We still don’t know where Seb is. 
There are no pap pictures during this time.
August 20th she posts Bermuda again.


August 21st their 3rd pap walk in the United States in NYC. Both masked and holding hands.


August 23rd he posts another Charity.


August 25th AO posts Bermuda again. Assumed throwback. 


August 25th another Pap walk outside his front door. Fans are shocked since he is so private. They both look very off guard even though it’s labeled Backgrid, meaning paps were called. This could’ve been taken the 24th but I don’t have access to byline to confirm.


It is assumed by many fans that around this time is when they see private information about his loft being rented. let me know if you would like me to leave this part out, but I feel it might be important.


August 27th he posts a Bucky throwback.


I don’t remember the exact date, but sometime between August 28th and 31st, Seb is supposedly spotted by a random fan at LAX.


August 31st AO post’s a video from Jersey City, NJ.


At this point in time we are aware that The Falcon and Winter Soldier will resume filming in Atlanta in mid September. Article states that crew and cast are to mandatory quarantine prior.


We don’t know where they both are at this point.


September


September 4th, AO posts another picture from the Netflix show she was on.


September 11th Seb posts a 9/11 picture that he took of the city and labels it “Thinking of NYC today”
September 11th, Ale posts a photoshoot picture of herself.


September 12th, Margarita unfollows Seb.


I don’t remember exactly when, but at a certain point, Ale starts posting videos and pictures of herself in what appears to be maybe Atlanta. Before this, she posts a picture of Sushi. 
She baits with picture of a script and also a book that she could possibly audition for.


September 14th Seb posts another Bucky picture.


September 15th, Seb posts another charity.
TFATWS commences shooting around this time.


September 15th 2020, Blind Item #11: “This studio really wanted to film their new streaming show for their own stream. They want nothing to shut it down so are covering up positive COVID tests of the cast and crew. Not Netflix. Not amazon. Revealed: Falcon and The Winter Soldier”


AO continues to bait fans with pictures and videos of food and a TV watching movies.


September 18th AO posts a hiking picture that fans quickly find out is a (very very plausible) throwback from Costa Rica.


September 19th Seb posts a very strange video of himself watching gossip girl in an apartment that fans see looks very different from where Ale was “baiting”. 

Some fans claim maybe he’s just in a different room. In the video he is drinking wine and even pans the camera to his ex girlfriend on tv and then back to himself when he swallows huge gulps of wine.


September 22nd he posts a VOTE picture with Mackie. Another “Link in my Bio”. 5th one in the last few months?


September 25th she posts from what we later find out is an Inn in Atlanta where they stayed before going to Prague.


September 30th 2020, Blind Item #9: “This foreign born alliterate A/A- list mostly movie actor has brought a new escort stripper on set everyday he has been shooting. Revealed: Sebastian Stan.“


October 

*this is when Seb’s health starts to worry us


October 5th she posts a picture of Seb and her jumping in front of a bonfire at the Inn. Seb’s face is blurred out and she does not tag him.


October 6th, Seb posts video promoting his move 355. 


October 8th Seb posts the Charity water video from Atlanta.
A little after this time, AO’s location changes over to Spain. 

We are unaware of how long she is there for.


Her baiting stops for a bit.

October 14th 2020, Blind Item #7: ”This alliterate foreign born A list mostly movie actor brought in an Easter European porn star to have sex with he saw online. The whole fake girlfriend thing is not believed by anyone, so just give up.“


October 16th and 18th AO posts old photoshoot photos and tags her team

.
** Fans grow concern as AO continues to post work related content and we hear nothing about Seb.


** Seb is rumored to be in Prague, but no sighting or baiting is every mentioned. It is not confirmed they ever interacted while in Prague. 


** AO’s location finally changes to Prague and she posts pictures with someone that shocks fans - her manager. 


** AO posts fake pictures of what looks like a play she might audition for and we realize is just printed out photos. Videos of her holding fake play is recorded in a hotel lobby with her manager.


** A foreign online article that follows shooting in Prague follows AO and mentions her in their story as Seb’s GF.


October 21st,  AO posts picture of Prague with her mother

.
** Seb is still MIA and fans are still confused as to where he is and why he is suddenly so quiet.


** Rumors of that there might be covering something happening behind the scenes start to come out. Fans are worried it might be his health or something worst.


I think after this her Location changed back to Spain. 


October 24th AO posts old photoshoot photo.


October 26th 2020, Blind item #2: ”Not to be outdone by his alliterate foreign born co-star, this A/A- list actor has several women each day visit him on set. That was the same reason why he got divorced a few years back. Revealed: Anthony Mackie/Sebastian Stan“


October 27th we finally hear from Seb and it’s a picture from a bridge in Prague.


LOOPHOLE TO USA.


Ale posts that she’s jet lagged on her story with her Macbook Pro. Bait.


Silence. (I think. Someone fill me in if I missed something here.)
October 30th, Seb posts a video of an alien documentary. We later find out this is from a hotel in Mexico. Tulum.


October 31st Seb posts fans Halloween costumes of Bucky.


November


November 1st, Deuxmoi posts that he was spotted in Tulum reading a script. 


AO posts video from similar hotel room where his Alien video was. Bait.


November 7th a very suspicious influencer (who we later find out works for PR) takes a video of Seb and Ale walking on the beach in Mexico. Seb is walking about 30 feet way from her and she looks awkward following behind. Another video where she appears topless and he almost looks like he’s looking directly at the influencer’s camera.
We hear of (another?) influence who is recording them. She takes pictures of them laying in a bungalow. There is a video she records of them kissing but video is never seen by the public.


November 7th Seb posts his congrats to Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. 

AO does the same on a story.
November 9th 2020, Blind Item #7: ”The foreign born alliterate A list actor who likes to often cheat on his sketchy girlfriend is being called out for yet again traveling to a foreign country for a vacation. Third or fourth one in the past few months. Besides realizing he was busted on video for not following the same rules he advocates, he is also vacationing in countries from which his girlfriend is allowed to get back into the US.“


November 9th we get the pap pics of them in Mexico and they appear very planned. Seb also appears skinny. Seb is talking on the phone, strips just his shirt as AO waits for him in water. They kiss briefly in awkward embraces, only once on lips, she gets hit by wave and he leaves her in water.


*** Around here is when Seb starts posting throwbacks and he starts looking sick 


November 12th, Seb posts a throwback to when he was on set on Endings Beginings.


November 15th he posts a throwback video for Charity on set of TFATWS with Anthony.

He makes a post for another Charity (same is bulletin prior) and he looks sick and tired. His hair is also very thin but some fans say it’s just sea water. Others are still worried about his health and think something is wrong. His left eyelid is a little swollen.


LOOPHOLE TO USA


Around this time is when AO starts posting the same sushi from around September. (possibly same.)
We make conclusion she is in LA when she then posts story with LA in background. 


November 18th she posts pictures in LA.


November 19th Seb posts a Bucky picture.


December 6th 2020, Blind Item #5: ”This foreign born alliterate A- list superhero did a video supporting a charity, Great. The thing is though, he used the opportunity to call out everyone who has called him out and said that he is great because he is taking the time to make a charity video. Probably not the video the charity had in mind. Revealed: Sebastian Stan.“


We assume he is in LA with AO. 

Rumors of them moving in together start to come up as she later continues to post pictures of a Christmas tree in a house.
Seb’s friends are in LA for thanksgiving. This is when drama with Toby happens and he changes his picture of where he posted Seb to say “throwback.”


AO continues to prove she is in LA. Bait.


November 30th/31st AO posts a picture tagging Chanel. *sorry I had to laugh at this one*
December
He does another charity which he forgets to promote this time on his IG. 


December 7th AO posts a shadow picture in LA tagging Seb. He does not approve this original photo into his tags.


December 7th Seb posts a quarantine video from his NYC apartment “Thank you for the love, thank you for the hate. Be safe.”


After fans start to speculate that he is in NYC again, on December 8th, Seb posts a Christmas tree and says “First tree in 20 years…” it’s a selfie and second picture is same tree Ale posted but cropped to find entire IG post. Background is blurred out.
AO continues to show LA house. Bait.


December 10th new pap walk admits rumors of TFATWS trailer dropping soon.


Seb is holding keys for car place that rents cars for PR purposes and there is a lot of distance between him and AO.


December 10th, Seb posts TFATWS trailer that drops and the poster later that night.
AO continues to post things about herself.


Seb continues to allow memes making fun of her and their rs to come through his tag.


She posts a video of a dog.


December 13th Seb posts a video of himself and a cat, but house looks different than LA house. He also looks very different from that pap walk, with a full beard. It is speculated his video is old but unconfirmed. 


AO posts TIFF movies and Seb does the same.


December 16th, Lily James and Seb project is announced. 


December 16th AO posts LA picture.


December 17th AO posts picture in grains yard of LA house.


December 18th AO posts another script in English and Italian.


December 18th Seb posts Charity post.
this is up to today’s date. 

If I missed anything let me know.

Mod: I haven't had the chance to read through it all, but it looks fine, doesn’t look like opinions but more fact type of thing so I'll keep it up. Thanks for taking time do that, this is crazy lol

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Matchup ♥

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Hi!~ you can just call me Alex, please!~ I would like to be anon if that is ok lol the fandoms I want are A3!, Haikyuu!!, and Naruto! 🥰 SFW and NSFW is alright with me! 😉 whatever is comfortable lol

Alright so, intro info! I’m a Capricorn sun, Sagittarius moon and Virgo Ascendant. My modality is Cardinal 53%, Fixed 37%, Mutable 11%. My elements are Earth 51%, Water 36%, Fire 10% and Air 3%. My MBTI is INFJ. I’m also a HuffleClaw with a bit of Slytherin. I have was born with Turner Syndrome. I have ADHD, Autism, Anxiety and Depression. I am agender and I use they/them pronouns though she/her are alright since I’m used to those pronouns lol I am still exploring my sexuality, I am very open dating anyone of any gender so I would say I’m bi/panromantic, however I do strongly connect with the asexual spectrum since trust is a big deal for me lol

I had a coarctation or narrowing of the arota at 6 days old and was pronounced dead on the way to Children’s Hospital. I had open heart surgery soon afterwards. My grandmother was told that with all the mental health issues I could have due to TS, I could be super smart or I wouldn’t even be able to remember my own name. The doctor’s said I would be bad at math. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my little brother was 6. Both of them remarried, my dad once and our mol several times. Though, I won’t go more into that lol just to save you the details, our grandparents raised us and life was -is- really messy ahah

I’m currently going to college. I was supposed to graduate last semester, but I changed my major several times in the last 2 years lol 😂😂 I was a biology major and wanted to work in marine bio/ wildlife conservation and start my own rehab places for marine/terrestrial mammals. I am now a Middle School Education major with areas of concentration in science and language arts with a minor in TESL ( Teaching English as a Second Language). I want to teach English in Japan! 😊 As far as grade school, I always made As/Bs witout even trying and I loved to read, so much so that I got an award for it in 5th grade! I was quiet yet loud and super awkward as a kid 🤣🤣 I actually loved science a lot and even took AP courses until highschool because the teacher I would have taken in highschool was a really bad teacher who if he had family members and didn’t like them, he wouldn’t like you. He taught my father and his sister and didn’t like them, so least to say young and impressionable me noped out of that fast 😂😂

For a while, I wanted to be a Forensic Antropologist like Temeperance from Bones! 😊 however, we didn’t have a anthro major at my college, only chem lol so, when I started taking upper level courses, I quickly found I much prefer bio to chem 🤣🤣 I still dislike math as I have my whole life, but since I got to college, I’ve only made below a B in one math related course! 🥰

Ok sorry for a lot of random info 🤣🤣 onto other things! So, I’m very shy and quiet at first, but when I get comfortable around someone, that’s when the wierd comes out 🤣 I’m very passionate about education and science! I am a Christian and am very passionate about equality. I also firmly believe in redistributing millionare/billionares’ wealth.

I grew up watching anime and still love it to this day. I have strong connection with Japanese culture because anime was the gateway into learning about it and anime will always have a special place in my heart because of it! Japanese culture and really most if not all Asian cultures resonate with me because of the morals anime had taught me. I firmly believe in balance and hamrony with nature! I was introduced to kpop in middle school and have been a fan ever since lol 🤣 I also like pop/alternative music lol I like P!NK, Linkin Park, Adele and a few others lol

As I mention with wanting to be a marine biologist, I really love animals!~ 💕💜 my favs are otters, foxes, cats of all kinds, dogs, wolves, dolphins, and honey badgers! I currently have a Korat named Lila (li-lah like lilac) she is a very unique cat 🤣 she’s super curious and sorta a crackhead lol I did have a yorkie terrier named Sarah and a miniature schnauzer named Star, but since last June, we had to put both of them down 🥺 Sarah got cancer suddenly late last year and a few months ago Star had congestive heart failure. They were 13 and 14 respectively. They were amazing dogs! Sarah loved to swim and hunt little creatures and was the energetic one while Star was the grouchy old lady 🤣🤣

I also love anything fantasy/superhero! I love HP, LOTR, and Marvel! My fav genre of anime is shounen obvi lol 🤣Lol I also love learning other languages! I took French in highschool and two semester of Mandarin in college lol ( I need to brush up on both 🤣🤣) I am currently trying to learn Japanese! I wanna also learn Korean, Welsh, and Irish! I hope to go teach English in Japan via the JET program at my college! 🥰 I will more than likely stay in Japan after I stay the 5 max years through the JET program!

I also really love video games! I wanna play Persona 5 soo bad 🤣🤣 Horzon: Zero Dawn, the Legend of Zelda series, the Pokemon series and Animal Crossing: New Horizons are some of my favorites lol

Hmmm… what else to say? 🤣 I am typically the mom friend of the group ahaha oh! I am 4’9” and weigh 140 so I’m kinda chubby 😅 I am very self concious about my body. I have green eyes and I wear small, black rectangular glasses. I have moles and freckles all over my body. I have a dyed blonde bob with a brunnette undercut. I don’t have any piercings yet but I do have one tattoo on my inner left ankle!

I am stubborn, passionate, caring, empathetic, understanding, loving, loud, quiet, awkward, hyper, enthusiastic, curious, and I can procrastinate at times due to my ADHD lol I also love to have plans lol I like things to be organized and clean, but I don’t mind ‘organized chaos’ sometimes lol I am also very loyal to my friends. I prefer having a few super close friends than having tons of aquaintances.

Ok so dating lol um I’ve never actually dates anyone before 🙈 I’m also a virgin lol trust is a big issue for me, like aforementioned my parents divorce affected me a lot and I have a strained relationship with each of them due to the divorce and the events over the years afterwards. Plus, as a Capricorn, school/career is my main focus. I’m so busy with college and trying to figure myself out, I haven’t got time for dating ahaha so my irl soulmate will need to be a hell of a person and have the patience of a saint to deal with me 🤣

Even though I have never been in a relationship, out of curiousity and wanting to be knowledgeable, I have researched BDSM lol 😂 I am definitely not into slave/master, whipping, or anything super hardcore at all lol though, mild stuff like toys, handcuffs, spanking, biting, dirty talk, brat/tamer or daddy (mommy)/ little girl and blindfolds would be stuff I’m willing to try out lol basically, some light pain, toys and anything where I can be submissive and cast my cares away while still being able to be sassy/defiant suits me 🤣

Oh! For the purposes of this matchup, just male characters is fine lol like I said, I’m still trying to figure myself out so, for simplicities sake, assuming heteronorms is alright lol

Hmm as far as a type of guy I like, I can give you some anime examples 😂 Portgas D. Ace from One Piece, Itachi/Kakashi/Shikamaru from Naruto, Roy Mustang (also shoutout to Solf J. Kimblee as a guilty mention 🤣) from FMA!B, Kisuke Urahara from Bleach, Zuko/Sokka fron ATLA, Gintoki/Kamui/Takasugi/Shinpachi/Hijikata/Katsura from Gintama, Daisuke Kanbe from The Millionare Detective- Balance:Unlimited, Shinso Hitoshi/Shindo Yo from BNHA/MHA, Levi/Beel from Obey Me!, Itaru/Omi/Sakyo/Misuki/Tsuzuru/Kazunari/Banri from A3! And many more 🤣🤣 sorry for the long list lol basically to sum it up my type is kinda laid back, a lil perverted, confident, dominant, funny, teasing/flirty, caring, intellgent, mysterious, passionate and stubborn lol

Well, I hope that was enough info to get a good in depth matchup 🤣🤣 I feel like I gave too much but I wanna try to make it as detailed for y’all as possible so you can have an easier time with the matchup ahah thanks a lot, I love your blog and keep doing the good work you are doing! 🥰❤️💜💕 be sure to take care of yourselves and I hope y’all have a great weekend!! 🥰

( I apologize for sending it a second time, but there was some stuff I wanted to add that I forgot to mention until I after I sent in the first one 😭 again, I sincerely apologize!)

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Hello Alex and thank you for submitting with us! And thank you for supporting us! I hope you enjoy the boys I paired you with!

>Admin 𝕋

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

𝐼 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽...

I choose Kiba to be your Naruto boyfriend! when he first sees you, and how quiet and shy you are, Kiba will definitely want to bring your inner playfulness out! And when he sees that you do have some playfulness in you, he will see that you became comfortable enough around him that your inner weird came out! And that would really pull at Kiba’s heartstrings! Kiba will also find it fascinating that you like different types of culture, and how the world works via science and education! He isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but he will definitely appreciate how you think, since he wants harmony in the world too! He will love the fact that you love animals and he will love the fact that you want to be a marine biologist! Being an animal lover himself, he will marry you right on the spot, just for that!

Since you are the mom friend of the group, you can totally take care of Kiba! It might not be the best, but Kiba would really love and appreciate you taking the time out of your day to do stuff for him, even if he didn’t ask for it! He will love your buddy, it being curvy and easy to hold onto, if you know what I mean wink wink. He will find your little beauty marks to be charming and I see him poking your moles and freckles every so often when he is bored! And when you tell him that you want to get tattoos, hell yeah! He will want to be there for when you get your first one!

Kiba will love the fact that you are passionate about your studies, and you main focus is school and your career! He will love the fact that you are don’t want anyone to mess up your future, and where you want to go in life! He may be a bit on the impatient side, but when he is with you, he will understand the need for patience and why it is important! He will also love the fact that you are so loyal to your friends! He doesn’t want to date anybody who isn’t loyal or isn’t compassionate to the people around them, so that will definitely be a plus in your book!

For the spicy stuff, Kiba at first would not know what he is doing but once he figures it out, ho boy, you are in a for a treat! Biting, lots of biting, and him being just very dominant, wanting to please you and make you feel like you are on cloud nine! He will let you do what you want, if it means that you are going to like what you guys do in the bedroom! From the biting to the dirty talk, he is up for anything!

I choose Sakyo to be your A3! boyfriend! Sakyo will see your shy and quiet persona and think nothing much of it, but once you get comfortable around him, enough so that your inner weirdness comes out to play, he will be surprised that you were hiding such a fun and cheerful person away from him! He will also like the fact that you are passionate about science and education, since Sakyo himself is definitely one to go to science for something that can’t be explained, and he is one to like education too, since it gives you wisdom on subjects you didn’t know about before! He will love the fact that you love his culture so much, from the anime to the actual history of Japan. He will feel that you super educated on the subject, and will be appreciative of how much you love where he is from! 

Sakyo will find it adorable that you love animals, and he find it admirable that you want to become a marine biologist! It is a hard job, learning about all kinds of animals, and then discovering new ones! Yeah he will find it very impressive! And if you were to ever tell him that you want a dog or some kind of really cute animal, he will never able to say no to you! So you should use that to your advantage! As for video games, he isn’t one for the, but if you ever try to get him to play with you, he will have a hard time saying no! It will frustrate him though, that you’d keep beating him at all of them!

As for appearances, I feel Sakyo wouldn’t care about what you like, it’’s all about what is on the inside, and when he sees that you are a passionate, loving, caring, a mother figure to your friends, loyal to them, and empathetic to the people around you, he will just know that you are the person for him! Seriously, yeah he might like your curvy body, but what will really give make him like you is the fact that you are just a really nice person for people to be around! He will definitely understand the sentiment of having just a few close friends, than having like twenty acquaintances.

Sakyo will love the fact that you’d rather focus on your studies than have a boyfriend that could distract you from your future career! He would be glad to wait for you to accept him, until you are stable in your career and would be able to start dating you like he wants! And for a little spicy time, he would be a dominant as all hell. Like he would be so into dirty talk and taking you to heaven with his mouth. You might tell him you want to some like spanking and biting, and he might be into the biting, but the spanking makes him feel a little weird, so he might do it as often. But! If you ask, him he will have no reason to say no! So you better have fun with him!

I choose Iwaizumi as your Haikyuu boyfriend! Much like Sakyo, Iwaizumi will see you shy and timid demeanor and think nothing of it, and if anything, he will think it is kind of cute, but would have an inkling that you are more than you put out. And once Iwaizumi sees that, yes, you are more than shy, that you have your weird quirks and can be quite loud, he will find you even more cute, what with the way you act around him and not the others! He will find it so cute that you only act like that with him and nobody else! And much like Sakyo, he will find it awesome that you like his culture so much! From the anime to the language, and everything else! He would even offer to help you learn the language and such, to help you better understand his culture! Iwaizumi love the fact that you like superheroes and practically anything fantasy! I suspect that Iwaizumi also love Marvel and such! I also feel like Iwaizumi is extremely good at video games, so when he plays with you, make sure you try your best to win against him!

Iwaizumi will feel a bond with you being like the mom friend, since he has to constantly watch over Oikawa like he is his child! And for appearances, much like Kiba, I feel as though Iwaizumi will see your blemishes and your curvy body and think it is just uniquely you! Something that he associates with you alone! And the uniqueness will definitely get him to really like you! But I feel like he will really like girls in glasses so that is a definite plus for you!

Iwaizumi will love the fact, like the others, that you are a loving and caring person. Someone that is passionate and driven! And the fact that you have all your plans thought out and organized in your own way? Oh yeah, he would definitely like that! And the fact that you are so passionate about your future that you’d much rather focus on that instead of being in a relationship! He’d understand, would he hate that fact that he has to wait for you to be stable in your career? Yes, he wouldn’t like it one bit, but he wouldn’t leave you because of it! Will he wait for you? Most definitely!

For the spicy stuff, ahahahaha Iwaizumi. He is like. A dominant bottom, he’s okay with essentially whatever you want to do, as long you both are having a good time, and you guys are feeling good! As for the biting and the spanking and all the kinky things you want to try out, he’d be into it, he’d just wouldn’t know how to go about it, so it would be a learning experience for the both of you! In the end, Iwaizumi would be into a lot of things you guys tried! So beware what he has in store for you in the future!

So I started writing a story about a police detective and pictured Claes Bang playing him and now I’m SIX chapters deep.

For those of you that wanted me to post it, here is the first chapter. It’s long I’m sorry!

Chapter 1.

Emerson Woods sucked his hazelnut iced latte out of the green straw, while he simultaneously flicked his thumb over women’s Tinder profiles who were somewhere between 30 and 45. He was a hip cop. 

Detective actually, 10 years. He had made detective when he was just 35 years old.

And look at me now, he thought.

Forty-five and single, he had somewhat ashamedly resorted to making a profile on a “dating” website. His niece had told him about it. Which to him was even more pathetic. His niece was 16.

He sighed as he closed the app. What was he doing?

He glanced out his car window and scratched the side of his face. If you wanted to get technical, he was sitting in his silver ’63 Karmann Coupe Porsche. No, not bought from a detective’s salary, an inheritance from his father.

Emerson was on what the movies call a stake-out, but what anyone in law enforcement calls boredom. It’s not like TV. Nothing ever comes from sitting in your car for hours in the middle of the night, at least not in his experience. And there weren’t even donuts.

Well, at least he had coffee.

There had been a series of disappearances in the Connecticut city of Creekmore. All had been women, all from different parts of the city, from low income to high-income parts of town. They had been different ages as well. The oldest fifty-three, the youngest four. It had been going on for a few months now. No leads.

Emerson sighed, debating whether or not to open up the Tinder app again. It was nearing 11 pm, and he was tired. And bored.

The Creekmore Police Department had officers sitting in every neighborhood in the city, wary that since the last disappearance had taken place a little over five months ago. Whoever was abducting these women was due to strike again. 

He was stationed in a residential middle-class neighborhood. The kind of neighborhood he would’ve liked to live in. Once upon a time.

Trees lined the sidewalk along with painted white houses with dark roofs and watered grass. The typical picturesque street.

He pressed his thumb over the red and white app.

Kristy, age 39, occupation: elementary school teacher. 

Among her list of things she liked to do was:

Hit the bar for a night on the town.

He swiped left. He didn’t drink.

Emerson thought back to the last time he had tasted alcohol. A year after his wife died, which had been eight years ago.

He hadn’t taken her death well.

Who takes death well? he thought.

He supposed a better way to put it was he took it with a bottle of bourbon every day for a year.

Lyla had been 32 when she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. It didn’t take long.

Every time he heard the term he felt a silent rage build up inside him. Cancer felt like it had escaped a life sentence because of a technicality.

Emerson gritted his teeth. Eight years later, he had made peace with the death of his wife but not with the fact that cancer was still incurable.

He ran a hand through his dark hair, flecks of grey scattered throughout it.

11:30 pm.

His hazel eyes flicked back down to his phone screen. He rubbed the side of his Warby Parker Haskell frames. 

He had paused on a picture.

The image of a woman with dark brown hair and even darker brown eyes. He pressed on it.

Gwyn, 33, occupation: artist. 

Her bio stated:

Please don’t use slang and conduct your sentences like you’re somewhat educated. If you want a response. 

The corner of Emerson’s mouth tugged up into a smirk. It was something he could’ve written himself.

He swiped right.

He had a moment of regret only for a second when he wondered if 33 was too young for him. He mentally shrugged.

11:49

He was beginning to yawn now. Bored with sitting in his car, bored with his bachelor style life. He turned the keys in the ignition, about to press his foot to the gas pedal, but stopped.

He had to stay. He had orders to until sunrise. Though no one would know if he left.

You can’t, he thought.

However bored this stake-out was making him, his morals wouldn’t let him leave. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if anything happened. And with his luck it would.

He dropped the keys back into his shirt pocket.

His center console buzzed. His phone had vibrated. Gwyn had matched with him.

Emerson wondered if he should send her a message, or wait. His usual style was to wait. He had been using Tinder for a month and while he had sent the occasional message, the conversation had never gone anywhere. People didn’t know how to talk anymore. 

Through the conversations that had gone on for more than three days, came dinner dates. Three women so far, all had led to nothing except him buying their meal.

Not that he was looking for casual sex. He wasn’t, he just wanted to find someone he wanted to date. And more importantly, that wanted to date him. 

He’d found that a lot of women didn't fancy the idea of dating a police detective.

He didn’t know if he should find that concerning or not.

He swiped over to his own profile.

Emerson, 45, occupation: police detective, likes reading, people who know how to use their indoor voice, and the handful of people who take this app seriously. My niece says my style is professor-chique with a hint of cowboy.

The pictures he had of himself on there consisted of two selfies. One with glasses, one without. One clean shaven, one with scruff. Different light-colored button-up shirts. He figured he’d keep it simple.

He went to his phone’s weather app. It was currently 48 degrees. He could feel the cold settling into his car. The sweater and blazer he thought would be enough, apparently wasn’t.

His boots were doing nothing for warmth either but he had refused to go around wearing those clunky winter boots people on the East Coast seemed to love. He’d stick with his square-toed Ariats. 

Probably should have went with hot coffee instead of iced, he thought.

To take his mind off the cold, he began running it over the case. The only thing that connected the eight women who had disappeared was that they were all female. The pattern in which the killer chose, was hardly even a pattern. One a week, age of the victim varied. Sometimes it was back to back adult women, sometimes a woman then a young girl. All from different areas, all different races. Frustrating.

He worried about his niece. If it were up to him, he would be sitting outside of her house. Headstrong, fearless, sixteen, no regard for her curfew. His sister had her hands full with Abigail. Detective Burnham, his best friend, was stationed around his sister’s neighborhood.

They will be fine, he thought.

Still, it didn’t stop his brain from depicting scenarios. He had experienced tragedy once, there was no rule that said it couldn’t happen to him again.

After Lyla died he had moved from San Antonio to Creekmore to be closer to his sister and Abigail. They were the only family he had. 

He pulled up Abigail’s contact and typed a text message.

I’m assuming that since you are in high school, you are still awake at this hour?

The bubbles that meant she was typing popped up.

I’m safe in my bed, not abducted Uncle Emerson.

He smiled, she was intuitive. And for once not out partying. The stories his sister Eve had told him, it almost made him glad he didn’t have children. But not quite.

Abigail was typing again.

So…any new matches?!

Since she had persuaded him to download Tinder, she had amusingly become interested in his personal life. 

He remembered her saying something along the lines of,

“Stop being a stereotypical lonely detective and get yourself a love interest!”

Emerson responded.

One. Go to sleep. School tomorrow.

He could picture her rolling her eyes as she read it.

His phone vibrated. Gwyn had sent him a message,

G: Hi Emerson.

That was it?

Though something about the simplicity of the message intrigued him. No one had said a simple “Hi,” to him on here, they usually began with,

“What’s up.”

Or,

“What are you doing?”

Somehow this felt more personal. More genuine.

E: Hi Gwyn.

He had faith that sending an equally simple response wouldn’t stop her from sending him another message.

As another one from her popped up, his phone rang. It was his precinct chief.

“Woods, get to Wilshire as soon as you can. We have bodies.”

He clenched his teeth. He had a bad feeling.

Even when called to a homicide the chief always had some sly remark or joke about Emerson’s whereabouts and why he wasn’t already at the scene.

This time there had been nothing. Only a quick order.

He put his keys in the ignition and pulled away from the curb.

As Emerson drove down the barren streets his stomach started to churn. He felt sick almost, like the sort of feeling you get when you’ve eaten something that’s been sitting out for a while. 

That happened to him sometimes. Though only when something really bad was about to happen. It was like his own version of seeing the future. 

It had happened the day his wife had told him about her breast cancer, the day his parents had been in an accident, but never before seeing a body. 

He was good with crime scenes, even the really gristly ones. 

So why did he have this feeling?

He pulled up to the yellow caution tape and walked out to where he saw the chief and Detective Rawley standing. Wilshire was on the outskirts of town, the street was in between two fields that went on for a couple of miles. 

This is weird, he thought. 

All of the other bodies that had been found had been in the city. 

Just as Emerson was thinking they might not be victims of the town serial killer, the chief caught his eye.

No, it’s him. 

“Woods,” the chief nodded in greeting.

Rawley looked up at Emerson in uninterested acknowledgment.

“Chief…..Rawley,” Emerson nodded to each of them. 

He hadn’t even seen the bodies yet and Emerson was already in a bad mood. He couldn’t stand Rawley. Arrogant, rude, loud. All qualities he despised. 

He stepped over the marshy parts of the field to get to where the tarps were covering the victims. 

“What do we know?” Emerson asked, as he lifted up one of the tarps.

It was a female, white, blonde, age anywhere between 13-17 he would guess. 

“First one is Halley Reece, age 15.  Judging from the backpack it looks like she has been missing since school got out this afternoon,” said Chief. 

Emerson lifted the tarp on the other. Female, white, brunette, same age range.

Chief sighed, “Her friend is Melanie Myers. Fifteen, also looks like she had been missing only since this afternoon. Both of their ID cards say they went to Creekmore High.”

Emerson’s eyes wound over their bodies, studying where the blood had pooled. 

“Stab wounds cause of death?” he asked. 

“Yes, different from last week,” Chief answered. 

That was another erratic thing about the killer, his methods were all over the place. 

One week it was stabbings, the next it was gunshots or strangelings. But always female. That was the only constant. 

“Dude must have a bad ex-wife for him to hate women this much,” Rawley joked.

Emerson rolled his eyes. 

“Do we have someone talking to their families?” he asked.

Chief nodded, “I have the patrol cops who found them handling it.”

That was the one thing Emerson did not miss whatsoever about being a beat cop, being the first to inform next of kin. 

He took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose, 

“Have forensics been here yet?” 

Chief let out a curt laugh, “Are you kidding? You know how long those guys take. I swear they intentionally wait 20 minutes before getting their asses out here.”

Emerson glanced at his watch, it was almost 1 am. He was tired and wanted to go home. If forensics hadn’t even been here yet and patrol were taking to the families, there was really nothing he could do right now. 

And my stomach hurts 

He couldn’t shake the doom feeling. He needed to sleep it off. 

“Anything else Chief? I should get home and start looking over the case files, see if anything matches up.”

Lies

Chief said he could leave and he would see him tomorrow. Emerson quickly evaded the muddy puddles and headed back to his car before Rawley could say some gaudy remark about going home and fucking one of his many one night stands. 

How the chief put up with him he would never know. 

Emerson pulled into his driveway and just sat in the car for a moment. Thinking. 

He still had that feeling in his stomach and he knew it was because of the killings. 

They were speeding up. It had started as one every couple months, then went to one every couple weeks, and now it seemed like it was one or two every week.

With no leads. 

The killer left absolutely nothing behind. No prints, no hair, no signatures. 

Nothing. 

At this rate, the whole city would be dead in a couple years if they didn’t catch him. The town was in a cloud of panic.

It was mind boggling. Stomach churning. 

He grabbed his phone from the center console and went inside. By the time he showered and got into bed it was nearing 2 am. His stomach hadn’t stopped hurting yet either. 

As he leaned over to set his phone on the nightstand, he remembered he had gotten a message from Gwyn right before Chief had called him. 

He opened up Tinder.

G: Inside voices huh? What about when in bed?

He smirked.

E: If the bed is inside the rule still applies. 

He saw message bubbles pop up.

G: Hmmm so you’re a whisper in the ear kind of guy? I like that. Takes the pressure off having to fake it, or having to scream, “YES ALL POWERFUL WIZARD WIELD THAT STAFF!”

Emerson raised his eyebrows.

E: Have you actually said that before?

While he waited for her reply he checked the local news. The story hadn’t broken yet. 

G: Never let a friend drag you to a World of Warcraft singles mixer. Also, never sleep with someone from said mixer. 

He scratched his nose, he wasn’t that great at banter but Gwyn’s easy going humor made it a little less challenging for him.

E: Are you not someone from said mixer?

This was certainly the most interesting conversation to come from Tinder.

G: No, I was dragged there, against my free will. Come to think of it, you should probably arrest the woman who dragged me there. 

Emerson chuckled. 

E: I would say I need a warrant but I think this is grounds for an exception to the law.

G: Thank you. 

E: You’re welcome. 

He could barely keep his eyes open at this point, and decided that discussing arrest tactics with Gwyn would have to wait till tomorrow. 

His stomach felt better though

Killer Queen - Chapter 12: Thank God It’s Christmas

Summary: Life is easy when things go your way. I know this from experience. I also know that that can disappear in an instant and that you have to be able to rely on your friends. Luckily my name is Arabella Ruth White and I’m the fifth marauder. But I want to show you the girl behind the mask. It takes a lot of work to be this fabulous, darling. (This story is also on Wattpad and AO3 of the same name.)

A/N: So hello again! I know it’s been 3 months since I last updated this fic, and a lot has changed since August so let me catch you up real quick. First of all, in the UK we basically came out of lockdown only to go back into it last week so that’s great. I’m in Year 11 now which is the last year of high school if you didn’t know, and I’m in the middle of my mocks right now, so my free time has plummeted. This unfortunately means that updates across all of my fics will be much slower for the foreseeable future, or at least until Bojo finally cancels our exams. We can but hope.

I hope you enjoy this chapter! Sorry it’s kind of a filler but I promise that the plot is properly about to kick in, just like I said a couple chapters ago. I’ve realised that I’m now the same age as these characters which makes things a lot easier in terms of writing them realistically. Also I’ve decided that all of the characters and just this whole fic in general has main character energy which is Good. We love to see it. Anyways I shall see you next time! Hasta luego.

Warning(s): swearing

Word Count: 3.1k+

Inspiration: random headcanons I found on Tumblr and Pinterest, The Boy Who Killed God by SeraMGrigori on AO3, All The Young Dudes by MsKingBean89 on AO3, Sweet Things by Cocomouse on AO3

Taglist: @bhmay @briarrose26

Ask/comment to be on my taglist! Let me know if it’s for a specific fandom(s). Full list is in my bio.

Ruth had her face pressed right up to the glass of the tiny kitchen window, making it smear up from her breath, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. She curiously watched her cat, Sooty, cautiously interact with the much larger cat from down the road, circling each other in a manner that would be rather ominous if the former wasn’t a quarter of the latter’s size. Sooty was almost completely obscured by the overgrown grass that was screaming to be cut; Ruth wouldn’t have even known he was outside if it wasn’t for his extraordinarily long tail poking through.

“Ruth, why are you sitting on my poor washing machine?” her mother came in, half amused, half concerned, “You’re going to break the damn thing.”

She gasped in mock offence and turned round to look at her, “Are you trying to say something, Mum?”

She gave her a knowing look and said, “You know that’s not what I meant. Now, you didn’t answer my question, what on earth are you doing on my washing machine?”

She jumped off before Jocelyn could chastise her any further, “I’m waiting for the boys. We were saying about going down the pier or something today so we could give each other our presents, and I’m waiting for James’s parents to apparate them all to our garden. And they’re taking forever,” she pouted, elongating the last word way more than necessary.

“Well, what time did you tell them to come round?”

Ruth thought about it for a second before saying, “Around one o’clock, I think.”

She raised an eyebrow, “And what time is it now?”

She looked at the ground and mumbled, “Half twelve.”

“Well, there you go. You have half an hour, and you haven’t even got dressed yet,” she pointed out.

“But-”

“No buts. You’re not going out in your dressing gown so go and get dressed,” she said, playfully swatting Ruth with the tea towel and chasing her out of the kitchen.

She laughed maniacally as she ran out of the room, “But Mother, I am dressed,” she said, taking off her dressing gown like a stripper.

“Then why are you wearing your dressing gown?” Jocelyn asked exasperatedly.

“Because it’s bloody cold!” Ruth grinned.

“Language,” she muttered, shaking her head with a smile but sobering up when she noticed Ruth’s face fall, “What’s up with you?”

She faltered for a moment, caught off guard by Jocelyn’s quick observations, “Mum, did you, erm, did you hear about Melanie?” she grimaced with the fear of treading grounds such as those. Her cousin hadn’t mentioned anything about who she had told about the pregnancy, so for all Ruth knew, Jocelyn didn’t have a clue and she was about to get Melanie into some serious trouble.

Luckily for them both, Jocelyn’s face softened with understanding, “I heard. Your aunt told me all about it a couple weeks ago.”

“What do you think about it all? I mean, Christ, Mum, she’s only seventeen,” Ruth sighed, running a hand across her hair with an anxiety that she hadn’t even realised she had been suppressing.

“Come here,” she said, taking Ruth into her arms and holding her for a moment, “She’s going to be okay. She’s not alone, remember that. She’s got your aunt and us and that boyfriend of hers. She’ll be fine.”

A sudden knock at the window followed by four familiar faces made both Ruth and her mum look up in surprise, followed by a disappointed laugh from the former when she noticed that Sirius was only wearing his signature leather jacket, with no hat, scarf or gloves. She opened the kitchen door to let them in, hugging each of them as they entered.

Jocelyn smiled at the group before winking at her daughter, “I’ll make myself busy, then. Have fun today,” she said as she left with her steaming cup of tea.

Ruth grinned before turning to the boys, “Sirius, darling, it’s December, not June. Where the hell is your coat? And don’t tell me you’re too cool to actually keep yourself warm,” she added before the boy in question could say anything.

“Leave it, Ruth, I’ve been trying to talk some sense into him all morning, he won’t listen,” James sighed dramatically, sounding scarily like an exhausted mother.

“I won’t listen? You’re the one who nearly strangled me with that damn scarf!” Sirius exclaimed, looking desperately to the others for back-up, only to be met with shrugs.

“You dress appropriately for the weather, or you face the consequences,” James deadpanned, before bursting into laughter from the miffed expression on Sirius’s face.

“God, you really have become your mum, haven’t you?” Peter smirked, holding back his own laughter.

“Shut up, Pete!” he whined, stomping on the ground petulantly.

“Now you’re my brother,” Ruth snorted.

*************

The fresh air bit at their noses as they made their way down the bustling high street, bracing themselves against the crisp December wind. Sirius was still the only one not wearing a coat, the rest of the group bundled up in their Gryffindor scarves which may or may not have been the only scarves they owned. Except for fifteen-year-old-grandmother Remus, who absolutely had a worrying obsession with anything you could make via knitting and the like. Peter had been positively swallowed up, and between his hat that looked about two sizes too big and his scarf, you could only see his eyes and the top of his nose.

“It’s a bit nippy out here, lads,” Ruth said, just as an icy gust of wind hit them, bringing tears to eyes, and actually making Peter stumble a little bit. As Jocelyn said at every possible opportunity, the wind was always stronger at the seaside.

“Is it really, Ruth? Gosh, I hadn’t noticed, thank you for telling me,” Remus glared at her, which would have been tenfold more menacing if half of his face wasn’t concealed by windswept hair.

“You are most welcome, dear Remus,” she grinned, sticking her tongue out at him in defiance.

“Children. Actual children,” Sirius muttered in a tone not at all dissimilar to that of an exasperated father.

“Says the one who refused to put his scarf on because he’s a stubborn bastard,” James said pointedly.

“Oh, you’re still going on about that one?”

“Always, my dear boy, always. I’m already making sure my best man’s speech mentions it at least twice,” he said proudly.

“He’s gotta find someone to marry first,” Peter pointed out, voice muffled from under his scarf.

“And what’s that supposed to meant, Pete?” Sirius rounded on him, forgetting completely about James’s strange obsession with his lack of winter clothing.

“Well, I don’t know but it might have something to do with the fact that you’ve never had a girlfriend for longer than three weeks,” Ruth shrugged.

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you, Ruth,” Remus laughed, “But she does have a point, Sirius.”

“Why are you all ganging up on me, it’s very rude,” he huffed, “Anyway, it’s not my fault that I want to win the bet me and Ruth started in third year.”

“Darling, you’ve always had the option to pull out and admit that I am proud to be the biggest hoe that Hogwarts has ever seen,” she said with as much faux innocence as one can muster while talking about sex.

Sirius was silent for a moment before pointing out, “Wait, hang on, I’ve had a girlfriend for longer than three weeks. I went out with Emmeline Vance for about five months!”

“You mean you were on again, off again with Emmeline Vance for about five months,” Remus raised an eyebrow.

“You’re both gonna end up clapped as anything by the time we leave,” Peter mumbled as they walked through the threshold of their destination: Ruth’s beloved record shop.

Cromer’s one and only record shop was a favourite haunt of Ruth’s. If anyone wanted to find her during the school holidays, the record shop would be the first place they would go to, the second being the arcade on the promenade because they have the best games darling, and the third being the beach. It never seemed to cross anyone’s mind to look for her at her own home; it was a generally unspoken rule of sorts in the town that seeing Ruth at her house was as rare as seeing a double rainbow. It was the place where a good part of her pocket money went to, and the owner was incredibly grateful to have such a loyal customer. Ruth just told him to consider himself lucky that his was the only establishment in walking distance of her house that supplied her with her vinyl obsession. And oh boy, did he do just that. The White family were responsible for a good twenty per cent of his sales.

They filed into the shop, instantly taking off their hats when the somewhat aggressive heat hit them. The limited daylight spilt in through the floor-length windows that flanked the door, highlighting the records on show. The shop itself was rather small, with only two aisles running straight down to the till. They were separated by cases upon cases of albums, packed like sardines into their crates and sorted semi-alphabetically. Posters adorned almost every available space on the otherwise dull walls, looking over the customers with a keen interest. Underneath them were further crates, these ones pushed back against the walls and full of singles, which were ordered even more haphazardly than the albums if you could believe that. Ruth made her way down one of the aisles, leaving the boys to browse artists that they barely even knew. At the back end of the shop sat the counter, behind which sat the owner, Steve.

Steve was a rather short and stout man who had the grave misfortune of looking around a whole decade older than he actually was. That was more so to do with the way with which he held himself, and the fact that he wore those glasses that had a chain attached that you only see on elderly men, than his physical appearance. He had a terribly receding hairline that seemed to creep back every time Ruth came into his shop. She reckoned that he’d be completely bald by the time she left Hogwarts for good. He always seemed to wear the same attire, consisting of loose-fitting trousers and a grey t-shirt that always had a stain that Ruth would rather not enquire after. His fingers were coated with a nicotine stain that you only get after smoking for a good few decades, teeth and fingernails tinted yellow.

His smile was warm, and his eyes lit up like a match when he noticed Ruth walking up to the counter, “Arabella, good to see you!”

“You too, Steve, how’s everything been these past couple of months?” she asked, leaning on the counter with her elbows.

“Not bad, not bad,” he said, “A lot better than this time last year, that’s for sure. Thanks, by the way, for the advert in the newspaper suggestion. Business has gone up a great deal since then.”

“Well, I couldn’t let you give up the shop that easily, could I? Nah, you’ve supplied me with the very best music these past few years, it was the least I could do,” she beamed.

He smiled gratefully at her before glancing at the boys behind her, leafing through bands they’d never even heard of for the most part, “I see you’ve brought your mates at last.”

Ruth snorted as they all poked their heads up and waved at the same time, each one oblivious to the other, “Yeah, I thought I might as well, I’ve been putting it off for too long.”

“One of them your boyfriend?” he winked, laughing at Ruth’s mortified expression.

“No! God, no, that’s a horrible thought,” she shivered, recoiling in disgust.

“What’s a horrible thought?” Sirius asked as he sauntered up to the counter.

“Your face,” Ruth muttered as he swatted her shoulder, mouth agape in shock.

“How rude! I can’t believe you would say something like that!” he gasped before turning around and whining, “James! Ruth’s being mean to me!”

It was then James’s turn to gasp in disappointment, “Is she? Oh, come here, I’ll protect you from the meanie,” he said in the most motherly voice he could muster, opening his arms and hugging Sirius while glaring at Ruth.

She stared at them in disbelief, looking at Remus and Peter for guidance, only to be met with shrugs. She resolved to simply shaking her head in exasperation and turning to the ‘new releases’ section of the shop.

*************

“You know what we should do,” Ruth said, holding up a chip to emphasise her point, “We should go on a gang holiday when we’re older. Just go travelling for a couple of weeks or something.”

They were currently sitting on the beach which, as you can probably imagine, isn’t the most pleasant of experiences in the middle of winter. The harsh wind nipped at their faces and Peter’s nose was crimson with the cold, but they found themselves sitting there anyway, watching the teal waves advance and retreat under the December mist that lazily rested on the ocean’s surface. They were sharing a couple of bags of chips that they’d bought from the chippy just aound the corner from Ruth’s house, trying their best to shield them from the prying seagulls circling the skies above them like hawks.

Peter audibly gasped with excitement, “We should get one of those caravans that muggles used to drive all the time in the sixties.”

“Yes! And we could charm it so it’s bigger on the inside like the tents they have at the Quidditch World Cup!” James added, ecstatic just to have been able to chime in with a Quidditch reference, let alone about the actual holiday. Sirius grinned stupidly as they high fived, making Ruth cringe and groan like an embarrassed daughter having to watch her parents kiss. Though, once she thought about it, that analogy was pretty accurate, perhaps more than she would have liked.

Remus held out his hands in suspense, something he always did when he’d thought of a master plan, “Two words. Tardis. Caravan.”

The sounds that then erupted from the group could not be described as human, more like a group of over-excited seagulls.

Once they’d calmed down, which took more time than it probably should have done, James suggested, “We should go to France so Sirius can show his French off!”

Sirius glared at him, muttering under his breath and by doing so, proving James’s point, “Putain de chienne. Je ne me montre pas, vous seriez tous perdus sans moi.”

“Oui, oui, er, baguette,” Peter snorted, rubbing his arm when Sirius hit at him playfully.

“Right, well,” Remus cut in before they jumped at each other’s throats, “Presents? The whole reason we’re here?”

“Gosh, Moony, here I was thinking that you were here because you wanted to see us and enjoy our company, but no, you just want your damn chocolate,” Sirius huffed.

Remus blinked at him for a second before asking tentatively, “Moony?”

“Moony,” he nodded.

Remus pinched his brow and sighed, “I’m going to regret asking but why?”

“Werewolf. Moon. Moony,” he explained as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

He raised an eyebrow at him, “Do I get a say in this by any chance?”

“No. I’ve thought of names for all of us, actually. I’m Padfoot, Peter’s Wormtail, Ruth is Silverspot and James is Prongs,” he counted off his fingers before nodding resolutely.

James smirked, eyes gleaming and Ruth already knew what he was going to say, “Am I Prongs because of my big–”

She slapped a hand over his mouth and glared at him menacingly, “Finish that question and I swear to God, James, I will slap you into next year.”

“Sirius, I think you’ve had far too much spare time on your hands,” Remus said while James and Ruth engaged in a very mature staring competition that lasted all of ten seconds.

“Yeah, five days without us and you’ve given us all nicknames,” Peter added, looking rather concerned for his friend’s mental state.

“Do you want me to change yours to Massive Knobhead?” Sirius asked with a scarily fake smile on his face.

James cut in before any fighting could ensue, “Okay, let’s get on to the presents, shall we?”

Sirius just shrugged and made a noise of vague agreement, while Peter just looked rather relieved to avoid conflict.

*************

“Sirius, will you keep still!”

It was the fifth time that Remus had had to utter those words in the past two minutes, much to everyone’s annoyance and to Sirius’s amusement.

“Keeping still is for wimps!” Sirius announced with a stupid grin on his face before ruffling his hair once again.

“My fingers are gonna fall off from the cold at this rate,” Peter scowled, shooting daggers at Sirius with his eyes. Remus had given him a polaroid camera for Christmas after he’d been going on and on about wanting a muggle one all year, and he’d been trying his best to get a photo of the others for what felt like hours.

“Sirius stand still or I will petrificus totalus your sorry ass,” Ruth groaned, and James had to suppress a cheer when Sirius finally, finally, did as he was told. Peter took the photo as quickly as he could and waited patiently for the photo to develop, grinning when the image came into colour. “Let us see, then!” she exclaimed impatiently, holding her hands out like a baby would and snatching the photo from Peter.

“Oi, careful, I did not wait that long for Sirius to stop moving for you to just rip the bloody photo in half,” Peter huffed, re-joining the group with a false reluctance.

James grinned when he got a look at the photo, “Oh, Pete, that’s a bloody good photo. You should be a photographer or something,” he said, ruffling Peter’s hair playfully as the boy’s face flushed red.

“He’s got a point, Wormtail,” Remus mused, watching Sirius’s face light up at his use of the nickname, “It is a good photo. Though it’s weird having us stood still for once, I’m so used to us being in magical pictures.”

“I like it,” Ruth smiled, glancing at the boys affectionately, “I think it makes it even more special,” she paused for a moment, inhaling the very essence of that moment and relishing in it, “Happy Christmas, lads.”

OH HUNTER; IF YOU DIDN’T WANT THE BEAUTIFUL SO BADLY, PERHAPS YOU WOULD’VE FOUND IT IN YOUR SPIRIT SINGING SOFTLY.

❝ she thinks that she’s the worst so she acts like she’s the best. ❞ NANA KOMATSU? No, that’s actually MANDOLYN ‘MANON’ MIDGEN. A SEVENTH YEAR student, this GRYFFINDOR student is sided with MCGONAGALL’S ARMY. SHE identifies as CIS-FEMALE and is a PURE BLOOD who is known to be CONCEITED, FAKE, and FICKLE but also HARD WORKING, ENCHANTING, and MAGNETIC.

tw. bullying.

links. pinterest.  spotify.

stats.

MANDOLYN ‘MANON’ MIDGEN ,

7th year gryffindor. Pureblood. Prefect.  President of the potions club.

Gemini Sun / Sagitarrius moon / Scorpio rising.  / born 20th june 1:12pm

wand: hawthorn / dragon heart string/ 14 1/2″ / brittle

patronus: would produce a swan if produced. 

NEWT classes: potions; herbology; charms. 

favourite subject: potions. least favourite subject: history of magic.

electives: divination & care of magical creatures.  

character inspo: mia thermpoplis ( princess diaries. ) caroline ‘ cool girl’ ( snotgirl. ) lottie person ( snotgirl. )  | albums : melodrama by lorde / lush by mitski

see more here ! 

bio. ( this got long, but i can offer you this meme in this trying time. ) 

IT’S TOO UGLY TO BE HUMAN. IT’S TOO UGLY TO BE YOU. CHILDREN ARE SCARED OF THE DARK; THERE IS NOTHING REAL TO BE MADE OF IT.

the midgen family , a lesser thought of pure blood family with nothing else to really say about them ; they say that the families money dates back to them having a stake in the creation of butter beer but there’s little to no historical archives to support this.   they, for the most of history, had simply just been; been nothing iconic or memorable but simply just existed in the sidelines. a safe and cautious place to be.

Madolyn Midgen,   the youngest of the midgen family tree and only of her generation, the first and only born of Eloise Midgen.   Although Eloise did marry,   a lovely pureblood named Rupert, the condition came that their child would keep the midgen name.         the midgen’s for long had only been blessed with a single heir each generation,    almost always a female, so the stipulation had been written into the family.

Most people don’t describe childbirth as the most beautiful things,  the babies red, screaming, and unkempt ; but most get over this hurdle in a few days. yet madolyn seemed to stay that way. her limbs not growing as they should, her face unexplainably red, and flaky, the puffs of black hair doing nothing to disguise the ugliness of the baby --        apparently the sight of her face alone was enough to cause the rest of the reception to burst into tears.

I THINK PERFECTION IS UGLY. I WANT TO SEE SCARS, FAILURE, DISORDER, DISTORTION.

minging midgen.

that was the smart name the 5 year old boys made up for her;       and like the world on atlas’ back, it was the burden that the ugly duckling carried with her - shackled with - for the rest of her childhood years.

Elementary school was just more of the same;  the girl that people would ask out for fun, for laughter, despite any kindness she might have held in her heart, her attitude couldn’t sway people to look past her stout figure and cystic acne. mud would poured in her hair; snails placed in her shoes; people who touched her were said to be cursed with germs -- ;      her attempts to make friends went most often in vain and her birthday parties went by every year without a single card or cake.

It caused Mandolyn to develop crippling anxiety;  body dysmorphia; the over emphasis of her flaws in her own eyes. she’d pick at her arms and glance at any mirror that she walked by ; any laughter that she heard she’d automatically assume it was about her.

this led to a shy girl ; who constantly burst into tears and without a single back bone in her body-- her spine would bend in on itself as a shield from any jeers,  but it also left her extremely comprisable to any suggestions. she would often just go along with anything suggested because of the concept that if she did what they say; maybe they would like her; maybe they would leave her alone.

she became the easy pickings of pranks, jeers, a punching bag with the stability of wheat.

Already at the ripe age of 10 years old mandolyn had been duly crushed by this role that she played in life, despite any encouragement from her mother or father.

They promised her it would get better, and it did. And luckily, after a few more years or two of sucking it up, it finally did.

AND SUDDENLY I AM A PHOENIX FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE EARTH AND IT WOULD ALMOST BE BEAUTIFUL IF THE WORLD WAS NOT ENDING

When she arrived to Hogwarts, she was sorted into Gryffindor which people assumed must have purely been a family heritage decision, as no one would ever think the girl who seemed to hunch in on herself so much she could roll down a hill could ever be a gryffindor.

The first two years of school were almost entirely uneventful,  of course, 11 years old love to pick on each other, and the rampant bullying followed her like wild dogs wherever she went, but she was slowly growing out of the childhood pudginess and gaining some length to the otherwise stumpy limbs she’d been born with. Mostly, she continued to fulfil the role she had played in primary school ; though, the presence of a few true friends made it somewhat bearable. they were thick as thieves;  completely nonjudgemental of each other, and for a second, it seemed that mandolyn was gaining some sort of confidence, but still, no independence of back bones -- - she simply just continued her childhood pattern of following.

The changing moment ( the birth of the phoenix ; the ugly duckling shedding the grey coat ) was three days after her 14th birthday, her third year, when spectating an impromptu game of quidditch left her in an awful face cast the likes that meant she had to momentarily drop out of hogwarts; a Midgen tradition to do as soon as something went wrong; She had to miss the last month of summer semester — and like the ugly duckling came back like a swan.

The late bloomer blossomed, and the magical cosmetic surgery didn’t hurt much either. But more importantly, the change in look seemed to go hand in hand with a change in confidence (the one bubbling now bloomed). The once shy and inept Mandolyn became well spoken ; charming ; magnetic ; alluring to the point that nobody recognised her at the beginning of the fourth year.

So Mandolyn rebranded herself as Manon, she says it means french for beautiful. Finally, she managed to receive the attention she had been almost dying for since she was a young child, at only the price of 2 months of education and weeks sat in a hospital.

But whilst her face became beautiful,     her personality soured slightly, which was noticeable to almost all of her actual friends ( the three of them that existed. )

Her personality became as fake as her face as she lied, cheated, and smiled politely to try and weasel her way into the social scene she had so longed to become apart of. She became liked, and popular, but at what cost ? The price of being able to have genuine human connections with most people.

Whom once was a genuinely nice girl, scared of human confrontation and going with the flow to avoid any problems grew a spine. and also a bite. she became snarky, slightly argumentative at times, and wholly competitive with being pretty and popular as her only real intentions. she began to care a lot less for anything genuine unless that genuine thing would benefit her in some regards. but despite the presence of a slight back bone, it was still as brittle as her wand,   she would still do anything for attention, to prove to herself that she was liked and popular.          easily manipulated & entirely fake.      the not blonde barbie doll with as many clothes and switching professions & friends. ( and ACCORDING TO THE RUMOURS; SHE’S FILLED WITH JUST AS MUCH PLASTIC ! )

in her fifth year; mandolyn is made prefect, she’s told by the head of gryffindor that her change in courage, determination, and ‘standing’ up to her bullies was a comendable feet, and in collaboration with her good grades and her pristine record, she was a great candidate for prefect.  mandolyn took the opportunity with open arms for she thought it would only help to bolster her now growing reputation.

YOU ARE STARING OUT AT A WORLD ON FIRE COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW UGLY YOU THINK THE ASHES ARE.

When the deaths hit, and the world suddenly became a lot darker than Manon could ever realise, her well perfected facade started to crumple, and the idea of popularity no longer seemed as ideal as it did in the past.

Perhaps it was longing for the simpler days without death around every corner, but she’s begun to doubt who she really is — and her impromptu decision to change her name is only aiding in adding to her identity confusion.

Part of her decision to aid in Mcgonnogal’s army is down to Manon trying to follow what she believes is the righteous path; fighting against the darkness that is seeping in through the cracks in Hogwarts stone walls. Because in Manon’s mind,   she feels that as soon as that problem is resolved, all of the issues that are surfacing in her mind will suddenly disappear — just like what happened when she got her magical face list.

wc.

less wanted, and more connection ideas to start plotting ;

- core long term friendship group,            the few friends manon had before she was ever manon-- the non-judgemental, supportive friend group who was always there for mandolyn to cry on // most likely might have felt spurned after manon’s re-invention of herself, or might have been passively against her new personality, or supported her new found confidence [ the current logistics are very easily changeable ~ ! ]

- the new influence of friends,                 the group of friends, or partying group, that manon wedged herself into after she re-invented herself as cool and ‘beautiful’ ( in her own opinion. ) // probably a friendship group built more on benefit and falseness than any actual emotion. [ again current logistics are very changeable ; it’s just a broad sentiment of ideas. ]

- the bullies,                 people who teased mandolyn because of her cystic acne, short limbs, uneven bone structure and poor posture -- and may have continued to after she rebranded herself.

- the love interest,               manon is more into girls than boys, but is very fluid and casual with her relationships so any long term interest is probably going to have some sort of angst based on that -- alternatively, i’m all for hook ups and one time things in building a web -- as manon most likely wanted to date as many people as she physically could to bolster her new reputation. 

- i’m obviously 100% open for more open plotting ;or filling any connection ideas anybody else has, so please feel free to message me surrounding that ! i’m really excited to be here and plot so !! yeah !!!

50 questions tag

tagged by: @pinktea99

tagging: @renjungita @forehead-enthusiast @bitchendery @yanggerm @0hyja @midsummerenjun

hiding all the tea under the cut 🤠

1. what takes up too much of your time?

kpop,, so in turn tumblr and youtube also overthinking ,,, love that

2. what makes your day better?

talking to my friends, little pleasant surprises, when my cat does something cute

3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today?

honestly idk,,, today has blended together into nothingness but my fish just ate his food without being angry at me the whole time so that was nice

4. what fictional place would you like to go to?

hogwarts !!! its so pretty there and it would be so fun to learn all about magic and discover all the little hidden parts of the castle, lay with your friends by the great lake,,, ok i’ll stop now

5. are you good at giving advice?

i think it depends on the advice but i try to help as well as i can 

6. do you have a mental illness?

social anxiety 😎 and possibly depression but i’m too scared to go see a therapist

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

no and i’m thankful for that

8. what musician inspires you the most?

tbh taeyong 

9. have you ever fallen in love?

with renjun 😍 ok i’m sorry but honestly i think i’ve only experienced rly intense /like/ 

10. what’s your dream date?

this is like specific but there’s a museum district near me and walking around there would be rly nice,,, just walking through the streets,,, visiting art galleries and museums,,, maybe going to the zoo,,, go into all the cool little stores,,, : (

11. what do others notice about you?

people who have met my dad ALWAYS say how i look like him but otherwise it’s probably my hair ? idk people seem to like curly hair

12. what’s an annoying habit you have?

picking at my lips omfg i need to STOP

13. do you still talk to your first love?

well not Love but yeah hdjdk

14. how many exes do you have?

just one 🤠

15. how many songs are in your playlist?

i have ,, lots of playlists but i have 721 saved songs,,,, more if u count songs in playlists i don’t have saved,,,

16. what instruments can you play?

uH zero but i could play a Mean xylophone in elementary music class

17. what do you have the most pictures of?

kpop idols,,,

18. where would you like to go before you die?

europe !! i want to travel around europe and visit as many countries as i can, also japan ! especially during cherry blossom season !

19. what’s your zodiac?

virgo sun, aqua moon, cap rising

20. do you relate to it?

for the most part i’d day yeah, i still don’t know /that/ much about astrology hdsjkd

21. what is happiness to you?

that feeling of standing in the sun for the first time in a while, feeling all warm inside doing the things that make you smile

22. are you going through anything right now?

hm yeah ,,

23. what’s the worst decision you ever made?

probably,, not putting in the effort to talk to my friends a lot this past year,,,

24. what’s your favorite store?

there’s this one local thrift store near me and uGH it’s amazing i’ve found great stuff there, and also this japanese convenience store called daiso i could spend all day in there

25. what’s your opinion about abortion?

i feel that women should have the choice whether they’re going to have one or not without being attacked by the other side for their decision

26. do you have a bucket list?

not rly djkhj

27. do you have a favorite album?

i have . many favorite albums, some include limitless by nct 127, hozier’s self titled album, and basically all of day6′s albums

28. what do you want for your birthday?

,, money but also i could always use more face masks and stationary 

29. what are people’s first impressions of you?

that i never talk like,, ever 💀 which . is relatively true,, until i get to know you and get more comfortable

30. what age do you seem according to most people?

once a cashier asked if i was a freshman in college,,,, surprisingly lots of people think i’m older than i am, tho me and my mom did joke that i probably look like a 12 year old when driving and people might call cps on her ahhjksdhf

31. where do you keep your phone while sleeping?

on my nightstand which is literally like . 1 foot from my face

32. what word do you say the most?

like,, um ,, what ,, so

33. what’s the oldest age you would date?

that’s kinda hard to answer since i’m still so young ,,, but at the moment maybe 19 ??

34. what’s the youngest you would date?

again ,,, kinda hard but at the moment,,, probably 16 but as i get older i’d be more comfortable with a bigger gap

35. what job/career do most people say would suit you?

lot’s of people say artist,, my parents think i’d make a good baker and jokingly they also say lawyer bc i argue so much hjskdh

36. what’s your favorite music genre?

well ,, kpop but that’s like 500 genres all in one,,, i also rly like indie/alternative the occasional pop and pop rock thrown in there

37. if you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

england ! i’ve a l w a y s wanted to live there omg, or italy !

38. what is your current favorite song?

two i’ve been listening to on repeat lately are take off by wayv and lips on lips by tiffany young 

39. how long have you had this blog for?

this one,,, only like 3 months but my previous blog was like ,, a few years old

40. what are you excited for?

our up coming vacation(s) !!! one might not happen but the other is and i’m !!! also my mom wants to “do something fun” this week (we were supposed to go on one of those vacations this week sO) and i’m excited for going out and doing ,, whatever it is we come up with

41. are you a better talker or listener?

oh listener definitely, i’m so bad at talking about my feelings out loud 

42. what was the last productive thing you did?

i did some laundry,,, also worked on summer school earlier today

43. what do you want for christmas?

same as my birthday but i also just remembered ,, a switch !! i’ve wanted one for so long ,,

44. what class do you get the best grades in?

usually history and german (hallo yangyang,,) also did amazing in bio freshman year let’s hope that carries over to ap bio next year

45. on a scale of 1-10 how do you feel right now?

i’d say ,, a 7 which is wack usually it’s lower

46. what can you see yourself doing in ten years?

hopefully have a good stable job,, a good relationship,,, be healthy mentally and physically ,,, 

47. when did you get your first heartbreak?

can losing a friend count as a heartbreak ,,, bc if so ,,, a few years ago

48. at what age do you want to get married?

i have absolutely no idea ahhjksdh

49. what career did you want to have as a child?

i wanted to be a vet soooo badly but now i can barely handle the sight of blood so,,, sorry 8 year old ally

50. what do you crave right now?

honestly ,,, to just go out and do something,,,, i’ve been stuck in the house since friday 

2. This is the post with abuse mentions I was talking about please stay safe

Alright so first off so nobody gets confused: yes. I'm ftm. I don't list that on my bio because I just want to be male you know? Being trans isn't as big to my identity as being bisexual and it's not like I would probably date anyone off Tumblr anyways so it's really none of anyone's business unless it comes to stories like this, in which, you need that context.

If you don't know what that means, it means I'm trans and yeah I still go by he/him. I'm male.

Anyways here's the story

I have waited a little over 2 years to be seen by my local gender specialist. This is not optional in Canada no matter your money, and he was booked up that far because the old one retired and I live in a fairly densely populated area. I was very excited when I received the phone call and was solely focused on the gender aspect of my mental health because I've been living as male since 17 and not being on T while seeing trans peers in other areas get to medically transition faster felt like torture. I had completely forgotten that these gender specialists are trained psychiatrists prepared especially for the issues we can face.

I came in, gave him my med list, told him about my transition, he agreed on my disagnosis of gender dysphoria and referred me to an endocrinologist within the first five minutes. He even apologized for the wait and said he would refer me for top surgery, but he needed to wait for fat redistribution on T.

Here is where things got interesting. He had us booked for a full hour like a therapy session. It really caught me off guard how he started going through questions off the beaten path for therapists.

He asked me about previous disagnosis and we went into detail about how they interacted with my dysphoria and suddenly something old came out of his files. My letter from my childhood doctor for concerta. He asked about how my ADHD was off medication. Nobody I'd seen since I was 6 had asked about my ADHD, and there was a good reason for that.

I was absolutely shocked. It all came flooding back. No, my mom had taken me out of the doctor's because she said it changed my attitude too much and she wanted me back. I was bilingual, mandrin immersion when I was little. On the meds, I was finally catching up with my tutors a year in but my mom took me off them and my attention crashed so hard that I had to be removed from my multilingual program and put into special Ed to recover the damage done. I had to switch schools, she didn't try different meds she just took me off them. I figured out how to make my understimulated brain work with special Ed and was thrown back into regular schooling by grade four. Chances of learning any other languages pretty much completely ruined even with learning strategies.

But it didn't stop there. I was ill allot as a kid and my Mom wasn't experienced enough to handle it. I don't think it was malicious, she's just always been my only parent and... not really ready for a kid. I was severely iron deficient throughout my childhood which may or may not have been her fault but between the both of us being victims of actual abuse and living in shelters for a few years I'm not willing to call the trauma she put me through abuse.

Yet, when I developed chronic migraines in Jr high (a risk factor for migraines is chronic iron deficiency) she refused to treat me after one bad medication interaction along with refusing recommend MRIs due to budding working symptoms. She stopped taking me to doctors, I lost contact with my neurologist. As always she had that same inexperienced fear of repetition instead of a willingness to be on my side to help me. As a result of that my migraines were out of control up into highschool. I was missing weeks of school a month because I couldn't talk without slurring and they would stack up and trigger each other.

Mysteriously, they stopped in grade 11-12. But they came back when I was 18 (I graduated at 17 and was working for half a year at this point) but this time with hemipeligic symptoms. But, because of my neglect growing up, I had no idea that a) people didn't just deal with half their body getting paralyzed or b) what to do about it as an adult who has never been taught how to take care of my mental or physical illnesses. I refused to tell my coworkers what was wrong. I valued my privacy, and if I had had the supports behind me, this would have been fine. But I didn't. I had love behind me, but no supports.

I suppose what this is. I see everyone bonding over abuse, including me. I've talked about my abuse tons of times and that's not for the public eyes but I want to know if you all can relate to having so much love behind you from so many different people. So many people from different places that you have healthy relationships from, but you know, none of them behind you are resilient. It hurts you, but it's not their fault. My mom is so important to me. She's a good person, a strong person. We get along as adults. But our roles feel kind of flipped and it's not abuse but it's not healthy either. I don't know how much people really talk about that kind of dirty laundry, but there's a certain kind of burden that comes with this structure. I'm the eldest son. I live in and pay her rent even though I want to move out because she wants to keep the house and I want to make sure my little brother is never alone like me. She's always crying on me. She brings home her boyfriends to me, asks for advice. I break up arguments between her and her long time boyfriend all the time. From before I was in school I was helping at her work and I continue today, despite that being one of the places I was abused.

She never seemed abusive to me because she's always seemed naïve. She just didn't know better. Yet, there's research coming out that they're finding white matter scarring on MRIs of people with hemipeligic migraines. I can't blame her, but her mistakes might have left physical scars on me.

I could have brain damage because she was scared of me getting locked in with a migraine medication again. I was afraid too, but I was a child, I needed her to be strong more than I needed to be strong. I needed her to continue looking for treatment, but she didn't, because she had love for me. She was just there for me, but not to fight for me when I was sick and too young to understand. She was just an inexperienced mother who saw her kid suffering and wanted to hide because of it. Unfortunately I just happened to hurt so much more because of it and I didn't even want to think about all that before my gender therapist asked.

Today, I am 4 months HM free on preventative medication despite bad side effects and ages of dosage adjustment. It's still not perfect, but compared to what I had, it's incredible. I just tried a different of ADHD medication and even some gaps in my vision I thought were permanently ruined due to my migraines were fixed. I'm going to do some research on this tonight, but I'm overjoyed. My vision problems are nothing glasses could fix, I didn't think my ADHD could effect my vision, but I think it might make sense especially with my migraines at the same time and also depression. But that's another post and just my thoughts as a dumber than average non-neuroscientist

TL;DR

Going in for gender therapy is actually not just gender focused. Sometimes you can be surprised with big honking problems you forgot you had. You'll probably walk out of that room with a referral, just prepare yourself for all the other things you were barring behind your gender. Because, I didn't believe them when they said there's always something; but there's always something. Don't be afraid, just be ready. You might bite off more than you can chew like I did, but take it slow. The prescription for ADHD meds at the gender clinic has probably been both the strangest and the best thing that's ever happened to me.

August is over? Recap time...

First things first... Between Patreon and other tasks, I dropped off towards the end of the month... I’m sure you saw the #CharactersHell board that took my time and, most importantly, brain stuffs.

We have, however, organized it so that future boards should not be as hard as the first one.

As long as it is as well received as it’s other game, by the same @M_arbanassi (on Twiter) #CharactersHell should have just as amazing a community as #CharactersTell. Tell focuses on the characters every week. Hell is a monthly board covering a little bit more, including us authors.

Basically, those two tags are my guaranteed game plays for the foreseeable future. The question will be what other ones will I be playing this coming September?

While I ponder that, here are the old answers...

#wipwordsearch  AKA  #RedLettersTeasers

1- Sly had a way of #schooling his features so that no one could read him. If Gus was happy about it, he could be happy for Gus. Still… "But why do some of the women have pointy weapons?"

2- He followed her lead carefully, since they were not in his place, & he made sure to lower only his top half. They could stare at his jean clad #back side for all he cared.

3- Rolling the blanket over herself like a sleeping bag, Tweet felt for her note #book in the dark, finding where she left the pen in the page, half heartedly scribbling notes she hoped she would understand in the margins.

4- That she would have to cover with make up, and that would have to work for the #bags under her eyes too.

5- At least two of the biggest #gossips of Soul were furiously, but covertly, trying to get her attention.

6- She still needed him around, and Malta would miss her #crush too much.

7- The kindnesses came back ten fold, as Nate catered Martin's musical event, with the chocolate man making a lifelike red guitar that shined as if it had a fresh coat of pearlescent #paint.

8- His long black hair fell to one side, and hardly covered any of the piercing or tattoos, which covered his arms and neck in a sea of darker #colors.

9- Nira wasn't the only one #catching on to the language from exposure.

10- "You don't have to read it, if you don't like it." Woods' movements slowed, as he scrunched #up the material of his shirt.

11- She wasn't by any means an #expert, but one knew quickly which ones felt like sucking lemons, due to the way they pulled her face of their will, and which ones she might want to drink again.

12- The point was made, she was #playing with house money, and she would win.

13- Seemed this new Soulful was #true to it's name, and proving more interesting with each visit.

14- NO WINGS

15- Remmy rolled the window down, and waved at Woods, a sigh escaping him. "#Hurry up slow poke. I think you should be offended, but that's my opinion that you don't always listen to talking.

16- NO ESSENCE

17- Remmy was getting #sick of repeating himself. "Just go talk to Tweet…."

18- By the simple look of a wedged arm and crumpled leg, she knew to #avert her gaze, that seeing the parts of limbs was close enough.

19- Spoiler if posted SLASH

20- Not that this was any type of pet, it was somewhere between a tiger and #house cat in size.

21- NO CASCADE

22- NO LITE

23- "Seems like you have a musical connection with everyone you meet." Her words had been a double-edged #sword to him.

24- One #building caught her eye, with its sheer size and stain glass details.

25- Plus if he loitered too long, he'd be late to #class.

26- Once #inside, she showered and found herself staring into her closet.

27- She needed to remember to encourage them all to have lives #outside the bar.

28- Staff loyalty and respect was next on the ever #growing list.

29- Even nearly #falling onto a guy and barely keeping her red rubies caged looked classy.

30- Angus and Scotty had the good sense to first agree with Woods, and then do their darnedest to get Brandon to #leave while he was still in one piece.

31- They were out in the public, it was #chilly, he was sure there was some law about it, and was she ready for what she was trying to do?

#CharactersTell

1/8- Woods back again! The band and I thought it was time to talk again, especially since this month is art themed, and we are artists *someone snickers* Don't start that again mate… We're glad to be here in… (The Red Letters series)

2/8- Woods- Of course! We're musicians, so that is our favorite.

Brandon- "Women too"

W- "A fine bird's form can be a masterpiece yes, with legs for miles and plump shapes."

3/8- Woods- "Yeah mate, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, couple of car places. It's my passion, so why not go see it in a museum too if you can?"

4/8- Woods- "We play rock music, but I have listened to all kinds in my life. Never know what will inspire that next song of your own."

5/8- Woods- *laughs while the boys chuckle* "I prefer relaxed movies, in the sense that thinking too hard kills the buzz. Ain't nothing too relaxed about the movies I watch, especially if we just finished filming it."

6/8- Woods caught elbowing the blokes on the couch with him. "Unless this is Play boy, the answer to that question has to be music." *preoccupied by trying to help cover Brandon's mouth.*

7/8- Woods- "Maybe you haven't heard of us, but we are already famous for being a band. Tour regularly, another album in the works, so on and so forth. That's my legacy. Rock and roll lifer."

8/8- "Thank god! Woods doesn't shut up. Brandon the lead singer and better showman ready to take control of this band interview…"

9/8- Brandon- "Depends what you're talking about. Realistic women, but their ink can be anything. Just better not be ugly where I have to stare at. Say no to cutesy tramp stamps."

10/8- Brandon- "Sure, action movies are my thing. Love a good Bond girl if you know what I mean…"

11/8- Brandon- "The only art I understand is music. Beyond that, I don't need to fake it, I just don't care."

12/8- Brandon- "Designer all the way. You don’t get on sexy lists wearing ill-fitting bargain basement bullsh*t. Plus the free clothes or marketing money isn't bad when you're famous."

13/8- Brandon- "Women. Enough said."

14/8- Brandon- "Certainly not gentle, in any way. Fair in music consideration, but mostly critical everywhere else."

15/8- "Hey, you want to talk to me too? I'm Remmy, just the friendly security to Woods and occasional band wrangler when the manager is busy." *tips fedora in greeting, stepping up to stand behind Woods on the couch*

16/8- Remmy- "I like visiting museums for my hobbies yes. Then again, it depends on how you define art, as this one puts away food like no ones business, and this one has the habit of being the bands lightweight. That’s weird place art no one asks for…" *taps BGC*

17/8- Remmy- "After listening to this bunch bang around all night and day, I like to listen to a smooth station, or at least some smoother oldies."

18/8- Remmy- "Is it any different than watching the headbangers? Always wonder if they wake up with whiplash the next morning…"

19/8- Remmy- "Besides these guys? Not exactly. Plan on going to see someone and some music will play its part soon enough…"

20/8- Remmy- "My only art is information. Its how I keep Woods safe, keep the band life smooth and easy… Maybe in that way, I have picked up the juggling skill?"

21/8- Remmy- "What are you talking about? That's definitely the sort of question that skips over my head." *tips his fedora and straightens his bigger old school mod style jacket.*

22/8- *Silence until Remmy prods a man* "What? Oh yo! Tour life's been rough man, gotta get your zzz's in when you can. Especially when Remmy rattles on." *straightens up* "I'm Josh aka Angus, and this is Scotty the drummer" *Drums on Scotty's gut to wake him up too*

23/8- Josh-"Got new bass art, and tattoos. My wifey doesn't like me looking at much, or it's an earful."

Scotty-"Man at least you get to look. My wife won't even let me play drums in my house because of the baby. I get kicked out when it screams like a metalhead."

24/8- Josh & Scotty- "The Terminator Mockingbird T800 comes to mind." "Did you ever see the Heineken drums? Or the plastic video game fakeness?" *nudged by other band members before they accidentally speak in unison* "My wife."

29/8- *Both laugh, then Woods speaks for himself and Remmy* "Neither of us draw, and if we did, it would mostly be bollacks and bristols in Sharpies when the other passes out."

R-"It took a week to get the last one off  my chin…"

30/8- *Brandon talks over his bandmates* "There is a rather poorly done, wrong sided sort of bio out about me, but yes, I want more books about me, done CORRECTLY."

Arie’s Bachelor Preview

Finally. Maybe it just seems longer because I didn’t post much during ette or paradise, but it’s about time we got some new info on the OG of dating shows. The cast has finally been released. I’m going to assume that like me, your heart skipped a beat when you got that google alert stating as much. I glanced at a few pictures, but have held off reading anything about any of the ladies to make sure I captured first impression. You wouldn’t stand out there greeting each as she comes out of the limo and then get black out drunk and not remember what you first thought the next morning. Unless of course you are a contestant on this show and have already stalked the bachelor for months on end. In that case, pass the alcohol.

If you’ve followed this blog at all you know I like to stay away from off season drama. You had your 15 mins of fame. As Mr. Wonderful eloquently puts it:

But since it’s the season of giving I’ll give you a quick update on last year’s bachelor, Nick. Him and Vanessa broke up. The end. But seriously, this is what they looked like right after they were able to make their ‘arrangement’ public:

Yeah. Good job convincing everyone that was going to last.

Alright Moving right along. The bachelor this year is Arie Luyendyk:

I don’t remember feeling strongly about Arie one way or another when he was on. I do remember feeling strongly about the bachelorette that he was chasing after however:

Back to Arie. He comes from a family that likes to race cars. The F1 circuit to be precise. For all intents and purposes I’m going to group that in with NASCAR because the jokes are easier. Matt and Trey got 22 minutes out of making fun of NASCAR:

I can do a season of the bachelor.

Arie’s bachelor announcement doesn’t come without some controversy. He may have broken up with girlfriend right before he became the bachelor:

http://www.etonline.com/exclusive-arie-luyendyk-jrs-ex-girlfriend-says-she-was-blindsided-bachelor-casting-their-breakup

It also appears Arie has a type when you look at his ex compared to the former bachelorette:

Enough about Arie. Let’s see the skanks that will be racing after his heart (get used to a bunch corny puns relating to his former profession)

Ali

Ali is a personal stylist. Got a quick tip for Ali. Next time ABC offers to have their professional stylist help you out before your headshot, don’t say “I got this”. The most embarrassing thing she listens to is Nickelback. While unrelated, please check out this clip of another Chad Kroeger fighting his local government to keep house parties a god given right:

The Beastie Boys would be proud

Amber

3 people dead or alive you’d like to have lunch with. You can tell a lot about a person in how they answer. Starting your list off with Kim Kardashian says more than enough. What can you possibly ask her in which the honest answer isn’t “sex tape”? How did you get so famous? Sex tape. How did you break into the industry? Sex tape. What drove your step dad to become a woman? Sex tape

Annaliese

I feel like Annaliese misunderstood the question 5 things you can’t live without. She listed 3 different types of food and 2 emotions. I think the producers are looking for you to say something like wi-fi and your favorite hoody. She also listed Miley Cyrus and Chrissy Tiegan as people she would want to be. Guessing there isn’t much going on upstairs with this one

Ashley

Ashley looks super boring. Doubt she makes it past night 1. She hates doing laundry because it takes her a week to go from washing her clothes, to folding, to putting them away. Pft. I leave that shit in the dryer and go grab a pair of socks and underwear as needed. Amateur

Becca K

Becca has quite the jawline on her. Hopefully she has a smokin hot body. Becca is a publicist. You know who was also a publicist? Fucking Shauna:

Something tell me Becca is publicizing people more like Johnny Drama and less like Vincent Chase

Bekah M

Bekah is very intriguing. This might be a first, but her age isn’t listed in her bio. And I really want to know what it is. Her profession is nanny so I would assume she’s pretty young. But past contestant Corrine also had a nanny and she was pretty old. I know it’s because of the hair, but I’m getting a Morena Baccarin vibe:

I’ve got my eye on this one

Bibiana

I’m guessing Bibiana has quite a bit of personality. This has to be the girl other girls hate, right? She’s an executive assistant and former NFL cheerleader. I vote Bibi as most likely to tell everyone that she isn’t there to make friends and to start calling Arie her man

Bri

Bri is a sports reporter. I needed to look it up to be sure:

Now I’m not saying someone that’s already been on TV can’t fall in love with someone else on TV. But if she gets to the final 3 this season, fans like her, and a sideline job happens to open up with ABC she may have her eyes on a prize other than Arie

Brittane J

At the risk of making an off(on)-color joke, I’m going to guess that is a new way to spell Brittany. And is she winking? Lunch with 3 people dead or alive she went with Whitney Houston, Bernie Sanders, Beyonce. When the bill came Bernie made sure that Whitney Houston’s estate paid for her meal before the new tax bill gets rid of the death tax. (Hey. She got political, not me)

Brittany T

Seeing her listed as Brittany T confirms that the previous girl does pronounce it as Brittany. This Brittany would like to have lunch with Chris Evans, Hillary Clinton (shudder), and Beyonce. When Chris Evans goes on a coke binge he better hope he stays away from the bathtub to relax afterwards (See Whitney Houston above). Also, do you think Hillary ordered a side of beef at lunch? I remember when she got chucked into a van like a side of beef at a 9/11 memorial ceremony:

#neverforget

Caroline

I’m out on Caroline. She doesn’t have a dog yet, but can’t wait to find someone to “co-parent” a dog with. You would be a dog owner, not a parent. I bet she also can’t wait to “play house” with Arie. She’s going to be that girl that Arie tries to have a serious conversation with and can’t stop giggling while talking about how much fun they have together

Chelsea

Chelsea is boring and generic. Sticks out in no way. Not pretty. Not ugly. Thinks France is the most romantic city. Listed grade school sports as something she did competitively (read: unathletic). Likes warm weather, but not too warm. I don’t see anything here. I suspect an early pass (racing jokes) from Arie

Jacqueline

I’m trying to figure out who Jackie looks like. Right now I’m stuck on a poor (very poor) man’s Winnie Cooper:

I don’t think that’s the right answer, so I am open to suggestions. I also kind of wanted to look up Danica McKellar so I’m not mad. This will never work out though. She keeps talking about her career and how important it is to her. Career first women don’t win. They usually become the bachelorette. Not that I’m suggesting that will happen. Just that she has no chance

Jenna

Jenna is a social media manager from Indiana. Speaking of, I need to fire mine. When she eventually reads this post I expect https://twitter.com/thebachtweets to be updated with the new season flair. Jenna’s favorite show is Friends. I’m going to diagnose her as Monica. Looks like she is bubbly, can provide some comic relief when necessary, and probably has a nerdy brother named Ross that keeps finding ways to screw up everything with his much hotter girlfriend. How you doin’??

Jenny

Jenny’s most afraid of picking the wrong person to marry. I guess you can’t make that mistake if the bachelor picks you. She probably has nightmares about being the bachelorette. Many of her answers indicate that she’s outdoorsy and loves adventure. She looks just the opposite. Maybe her idea of camping is hanging out in a motor home watching netflix while a fire burns outside

Jessica

Jessica’s occupation is television host and I immediately couldn’t wait to look up which show. Then I saw she was from Canada, which isn’t real tv. Is Degrasi still on? But then I looked her up and it’s worse than Canadian tv host. She has a youtube channel called Jessica Carroll TV.......(So what if I watched the video ‘Get Pool Party Ready). So we have smoking hot girl living in LA that’s used to the camera. Guess who might get called out first for not being there for the right reasons

Kendall

I feel like Kendall has a drink in one or both hands of this picture. This chick is weird. If she could be any animal she went with bat. Most romantic gift was an alligator hand holding an iron heart in a jar because she collects taxidermy. As long as it wasn’t an alligator holding a human hand. Carl Weathers would have been pissed:

Krystal

Krystal is one of those fitness nuts. I feel like that’s a profession/hobby that never does well on this show either. She says she is most afraid of unused potential. Lol. She must moonlight as a life coach. Trying to remember back to when Arie was on the bachelorette he didn’t strike me as a real go getter. I feel like Krystal is going to push him to be better and Arie will end up channeling his brother in name and hit her with:

Lauren B

I think Lauren B goes far. Pretty girl. No weird answers. What is my first rule about going on this show? Don’t be weird. She has a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. By the way, whatever happened to Billy Blanks?

Lauren G

Lauren has the real descriptive occupation of executive recruiter. Her favorite tv show is ‘This is Us’. I’ve never seen an episode, but based on the people that watch it and from what I’ve heard it sounds like one long ass chick flick. It’s like tv networks needed to try and scoop up the ‘Parenthood’ audience that loves mushy feel good/make you cry stories and we ended up here. Those shows are the worst (And no, the bachelor is not the scripted reality version of those shows).

Lauren J

Lauren is honest. Asked if she’s neat or messy, she concedes to being messy. Doesn’t like playing games with guys, just tells them how she feels. Eats full meals in bed. Can’t live without mascara. She’s also 33 so no time to beat around the bush. I think she’ll end up getting super jelly when she sees Arie making out with other girls. I’m gonna say she ends up in the top 5. Arie wants a young girl to parade around for a little while. Lauren is probably trying to have kids tomorrow

Lauren S

The run on Lauren’s continues. We’ve got another social media manager on our hands. It’s funny thinking back to the first season of the bachelor and knowing how that job wouldn’t have even existed. When asked if she could be anyone in the world she went with ‘anyone in Taylor Swift’s girl squad’. You wouldn’t want to be....I don’t know....Taylor Swift instead? Not very lofty girls for this one. She’s an early out

Maquel

Maquel? Whatever. Guess we are just making names up at this point. Her favorite holiday is Halloween. She loves dressing up and creepy/scary stuff. I’m guessing she is more Cady and less Regina:

Marikh

Maybe the weirdest answer to a question that I’ve seen:

What? So you don’t want to accidentally confirm an incorrect assumption? Keep in mind that she was asked this question, had time to think it over, decided to go with that. I think Marikh might break down if asked where she wants to go to eat. “I love Olive Garden but I hate their breadsticks and salad and pasta so let’s go there”

Nysha

Nysha looks like she’s embarrassed to take this photo and have an official Bachelor headshot that will live forever. I don’t see Nysha doing real well this season. Her answer on favorite tv show and fictional character comes off as a bit “I don’t need no man”. Try not to make a scene when you don’t get a rose

Olivia

Olivia is 23. She looks even younger than that. Favorite book is 50 shades of grey. Not sure she was old enough to read that when it first came out. Do you think she secretly hopes Arie has a sex dungeon? Probably would have been a good intern for Matt Lauer. 

Seinne

I’m going to guess that Seinne is this year’s Rachel (you know what I’m getting at). Favorite tv show is Game of Thrones. I don’t care for the show. Watched the first season and couldn’t believe I wasted that much time. Don’t get the appeal at all. If I hear Dilly Dilly one more time I’m going to fucking lose it

Tia

Tia could win this year, be the girl that everyone hates, or be the next bachelorette. I’ll know by the end of the first episode, but right now I have no clue. I’m looking for key things in her answers and she says ‘sassy’ as well as having gone to a swingers resort. I’m going to go with the one everyone loves to hate. But I reserve the right to change my mind

Valerie

Valerie is a server in Nashville (failed country music artist). She’s 25 and has over 50 Halloween costumes. Maybe she celebrates it multiple times a year. I just hope she doesn’t have that thick twang when she talks. That’s so annoying

There they are. The desperate fame whores looking to make their mark January 1st. I do wonder about airing the premiere on the 1st. I know there isn’t a ton of crossover between individuals when it comes to the bachelor and college football, but I can imagine a fight or two between couples when it’s the football semi-finals vs bach premiere. The game airs on ESPN which is of course owned by ABC’s parent company of Disney. I would suggest holding off a week but the national championship game is played that next Monday. 

See ya after the premiere

- Nick

92 Questions

I was tagged by @caffeinated-langblr for this and couldn’t reply earlier because I was dying in the marching band at my high school football game (and Michigan is going through a heatwave IN AUTUMN, so everyone’s dying). 

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: organic apple juice (it was going to be tea but my MUG BROKE)

2. Last phone call: to my dad

3. Last text message: “Hey, I’m making homemade flatbread. Do you want me to bring you some later?”

4. Last song you listened to: “Wild Flower” by Park Hyo Shin

5. Last time you cried: a week or two ago? Maybe.

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: nope

7. Been cheated on: nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes

9. Lost someone special: too many times

10. Been depressed: yes

11. Been drunk and threw up: no

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS

12. Black

13. Red

14. White

LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend: yes

16. Fallen out of love: yes

17. Laughed until you cried: yes

18. Met someone who changed you: yes

19. Found out who your true friends are: in a very painful way

20. Found out someone was talking about you: yes

21. Kissed any of your followers: no

GENERAL:

22. How many followers do you know in real life: none

23. Blood type: probably O, but I don’t know if it’s postive of negative

24. Do you have any pets: I used to

25. Do you want to change your name: not anymore

26. What did you do for your last birthday: went to a Japanese steakhouse and sushi bar and had unagi don (fried or baked eel), sushi, and a steak and shrimp platter, and some fried ice cream and cake

27. What time did you wake up today: eleven-eighteen am

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: reading

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: my Muji and Pilot Juice pens should be coming in the mail by October 10!

30.  Last time you saw your mom: about an hour ago

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my choices and reactions

32. What are you listening to right now: the sound of my air conditioning

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: not that I can remember

34. What’s getting on your nerves right now: my body’s in physical pain right now because I marched for the equivalent of about six hours last night

36. Moles/marks: Birthmark on my elbow

35. Most visited webpage: Tumblr, FanFiction, and YouTube

37. Nickname: Maddie May, Maddie (only certain people are allowed to do this), Big Daddy Maddy (a joke between me and my riends)

38. Favorite Movie: Kuroshitsuji Book of Atlantic

39. Zodiac sign: Taurus

40. Pronouns: she/her

41. Elementary: I went to two elementary schools. One was a ton of fun and made me terrified of the gingerbread man (if you want to ask why feel free), and the other was an ancient building where my hair got stuck in bookshelves, I snuck books into the bathroom to read, my favorite teacher died in fifth grade, someone’s arms were dislocated on the monkey bars, I saw a naked Special Ed kid streak through my classroom, someone’s head got bashed in on the monkey bars, and I was the principal’s pet.

42. High school: a stressful but kind of fun place (I love band and AP Bio, so...)

43. Hair color: a really dark brown that looks black

44. Hair length: a lot of my hair was torn out the last time it was washed, so it’s only a little past my shoulders and stops above my shoulder blades

45. Eye color: really dark brown (basically black but brown in the sun)

46. Height: 5′1.75″

47. Do you have a crush on someone: yes

48. What do you like about yourself: my honesty and determination and perfectionism

49. Piercings: one in each ear

50. Tattoos: none yet

51. Righty or lefty: righty (but I can paint with both hands)

FIRSTS

52. First surgery: I think when I was born I had something done (I was born three months early) and I might have Carpal Tunnel surgey in the coming years

53. First piercing: 2 years old (ear piercings)

54. First best friend: preschool and daycare, a girl I still talk to now

55. First sport you joined: ballet (dance)

56. First vacation: I think visiting my great aunt in Florida

57. Favorite pair of trainers: don’t wear them, don’t have one

58. First pair of shoes you bought on your own: 3.5-inch wedges from Forever21

RIGHT NOW

59. Eating: Swedish Fish

60. Drinking: was going to make some tea but my muG BROKE

61. I’m about to: make some tea and can you tell how salty I am about this

62. Wishing to: get my hair washed when my mom comes home

63. Waiting for: my mom to get home, my Muji and Pilot Juice pens

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids: and go through the pain of birth? Nope.

65. Get married: probably will

66. Career: medical examiner

WHICH IS BETTER

67. Lips or eyes: depends on the circumstances

68. Hugs or kisses: both

69. Shorter or taller: I’m short, but I like tall girls and guys unless they make fun of me for being short

70. Older or younger: depends

71. Romantic or spontaneous: romantic, I guess

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: I’m a drummer so I have toned arms. And I’m self-conscious about my body, so...

73. Sensitive or loud: sensitiv b/c it’s hard for me to be loud unless I’m mad or with friends

74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: depends, but mostly hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger: nope

77. Drank hard liquor: nope

78. Lost glasses/contacts: my glasses. Do you know how hard it is to look for your glasses with no eyes?

79. Sex on first date: ew

80. Broke someone’s heart: yes, and all of them deserved it (I’m not a tramp or anything, I was just tired of being used)

81. Had your own heart broken: too many times

82. Been arrested: no

83. Turned someone down: not that I remember

84. Cried when someone died: yes

85. Fallen for a friend: yes, and they don’t know yet

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: not really

87. Miracles: I’m a very logical person and need evidence, so no.

88. Love at first sight: no

89. Heaven/Afterlife: no because (unfortunately) you just die. And when I become a medical examiner, miracles won’t really be on my mind when I do autopsies.

90. Santa Claus: not since I was five or six because I saw my mom putting presents in my room and under the Christmas tree

91. MBTI: INTJ/ISTJ-A

92. Current best friend’s name: Katie

Some tags now! @ladyhannahjane @teacoffeeandstudies @happyluminarytragedy @a-fangirl-studies @justanothergirlsnotes @aceprocrastination

MegaPick: Thomas Rhett

Thomas Rhett’s newest album, Life Changes, came out today and offers a montage of pop beats and country lyrics that piece together to highlight the best of both genres. The 14-track album features collaborations with Marren Morris and Rhett Akins.

LIFE CHANGES is here! These 14 songs represent who I am today, I hope you can find yourself in each of them. [link in bio] #LifeChanges

A post shared by ThomasRhettAkins (@thomasrhettakins) on Sep 7, 2017 at 8:23pm PDT

The album title is astoundingly relevant to Thomas Rhett’s life. He and his wife, Lauren Akins, very well might take the crown for most changes in a year. They adopted their first daughter, Willa Gray, earlier this year, and then welcomed home their newest baby girl, Ada James, last month. Although these changes have had a large impact on his life, Rhett began writing for the project long before he even knew that these changes would happen. In an article with The Boot, Rhett says that he and his team began writing for this album before his second one even released, while he and Lauren were still in the adopting process.

In this weeks issue of @people - Lauren, Willa Gray, Ada James and I share a look into our lives as a family of 4. Check it out on people.com PC: @juliepaisleyphotography

A post shared by ThomasRhettAkins (@thomasrhettakins) on Aug 30, 2017 at 5:26am PDT

Rhett’s duet with Marren Morris and lead single “Craving You” hit No. 1 on the charts before the album even released. In addition, Rhett released three more pre-release tracks from Life Changes including “Life Changes,” “Grave,” and “Sixteen.” Other gems from the album include:

“Marry Me” is a slow ballad that will break your heart, listening to the story of a man watching the girl he loves marry someone else. (“I’ll wear my black suit, black tie, hide out in the back / I’ll do a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask / I’ll try to make it through without crying’ / So nobody sees / Yeah, she wanna get married / But she don’t wanna marry me”) 

“Leave Right Now” incorporates heavy pop elements and flirty lyrics with a fancy beat. This is perhaps Rhett’s best dance anthem yet. (“Baby you and me can leave right now/ Ditch all your friends, the guy you came with / Get to know you where it ain’t so loud / You and me alone, some old moonlit road / When the two of us could disappear / Just say the word, we’ll get outta here / Baby you and me could leave right now / Meet me out back if you like how that sounds”) 

“Smooth Like Summer” is a summer groove about being youthful and spontaneous. It is another track has a strong pop vibes accompanied by story-telling country lyrics. (“Smooth like the summer / Smooth like the summer / Go on and groove like a lover / With your backseat love / Tearin’ clothes off each other all night / Smooth like the summer / Smooth like summer”)

Inspired by his wife Lauren, “Sweetheart” thanks her for loving him and recognizes how lucky Rhett feels that she gave him her heart. (“Sweetheart, God could’ve never made two / Nobody quite like you / Oh, sweetheart, one kiss and I come unglued / You are the reason I fall to pieces / Cause you’re all that I adore / You’re the one my heart beats for / And I cant believe you gave your sweet heart to me”) 

“Kiss Me Like a Stranger” is a slow-tempo, smooth, and romantic song, with affectionate lyrics. (“Kiss me like a stranger / Baby hold me like we’ve never met / Every touch a little danger like / Like you ain’t gotten used to me yet / Strike a match, light the fuse / You and I we could use some reckless behavior / So baby kiss me like a stranger”)

In an interview with The Boot, Rhett discusses the album, saying “There was a ton of discussion … about how do these songs get to co-exist on the same record. But … at the end of the day, it’s all me and all things I’ve listened to and been inspired by. I think that’s what makes it a cohesive Thomas Rhett album.” 

Boston was incredible!! People have been here since 2 AM to celebrate life changes! Off to philly! See y'all there🙌🏼🍾 #LifeChangesBoston 📸 @joshgilligan

A post shared by ThomasRhettAkins (@thomasrhettakins) on Sep 8, 2017 at 8:09am PDT

The country superstar is currently making his way around to different cities to promote the album. Order Life Changes here. 

Life Changes Track Listing:

1.     Craving You ft. Maren Morris (written by Dave Barnes, Julian Bunetta) 2.     Unforgettable (written by Thomas Rhett, Jesse Frasure, Ashley Gorley, Shane McAnally) 3.     Sixteen (written by Thomas Rhett, Sean Douglas, Joe Spargur) 4.     Drink a Little Beer ft. Rhett Akins (written by Rhett Akins, Jesse Frasure, Ben Hayslip) 5.     Marry Me (written by Thomas Rhett, Jesse Frasure, Ashley Gorley, Shane McAnally) 6.     Leave Right Now (written by Thomas Rhett, Julian Bunetta, Edward Drewett, John Henry Ryan) 7.     Smooth Like the Summer (written by Thomas Rhett, Jesse Frasure, Shane McAnally, Josh Osborne) 8.     Life Changes (written by Thomas Rhett, Rhett Akins, Jesse Frasure, Ashley Gorley) 9.     When You Look Like That (written by Jessi Alexander, Matt Dragstrem, David Lee Murphy) 10.  Sweetheart (written by Thomas Rhett, Rhett Akins, Sean Douglas, Joe Spargur) 11.  Kiss Me Like a Stranger (written by Thomas Rhett, Dave Barnes, Jordan Reynolds) 12.  Renegades (written by Thomas Rhett, Julian Bunetta, John Henry Ryan) 13.  Gateway Love (written by Thomas Rhett, Sean Douglas, Sam Ellis, Emily Weisband) 14.  Grave (written by Chris DeStefano, Hillary Lindsey, Josh Miller)

Looking for someone to do a voltron discord rp with me

Hello everyone! It’s just your average rp loving person from Australia looking to rp something that every sci-fi fantasy genre loving nerd should know about: voltron? It’s a show that’s captured the love of many people with the tales of the daring team of space explorers who fly lion space ships and form a mighty robot. Well, I’d like someone to rp this with me. Before you immediately assume that i’m Looking for something from legendary defender allow me to stop you. Eighties voltron (defender of the universe as it’s called) and voltron force (that aired some time in 2011) are the ones I love the most but legendary defender did have its moments where it was just as good. I’d like to make an rp that involves a mix of the three. Now I bet you’re wondering what exactly it is i’m Looking to do since there’s countless voltron au’s out there, well my dudes and dudettes i’m Looking to make something up with you OR we could do this idea that i’ll Put down below. Voltron au rp idea: The five lions of voltron are highly advanced technology, war machines thousands of years old and forever evolving and getting upgrades as the years pass by and the pilots learn their styles and places in team voltron. However, five unique ships alone cannot defend an entire universe against the countless evil forces that not even alfor himself knew of. After some complex thinking and countless proposals the idea was set to become reality: make other animal space ships and train the future pilots to fly them in teams that would be hand chosen by the voltron pilots themselves. Upon entering the garrison space academy the new cadets will be given the task of creating a robotic animal companion who’ll serve as a fighting partner and model for the ship they will build upon graduation. Thanks to the holt families love of tech special equipment has been built to reduce the work of building the ships. What once took months and even years to build could be done in three days thanks to the technology the hosts have developed. The type of animal the cadets choose, their personality,skills and ability to work with others will determine their eventual spot on the team that the voltron pilots choose for them. Pretty neat idea hey? That’s the general idea of what I like. However in this au there are going to be several changes to what is deemed canon, since this is going to be a mix of lore I have made (and yours ^w^) as well as mixed lore from vld, vf and dotu i’ll Provide a decent sized list of what to expect. The full list i’ll Give to anyone who contacts me for the rp. The list is below here: 1: the canon characters are going to still be piloting voltron with shiro piloting the atlas but they will also be teaching the cadets in the respective fields they are best at. For example: Keith is a skilled pilot, therefor he’d be the best teacher in flight training and techniques. 2: instead of only human cadets (as has been seen in about all the shows not counting voltron vehicle force since the aliens aren’t cadets but graduated pilots) there will be aliens being trained as well. 3: due to the fact i’m Not a big fan of “i’m Half alien but I don’t look it” trope any half alien characters will actually look like a hybrid. The exception being the galra hybrids of course since it is shown that galra genes are somewhat recessive (hence the reason why lotor merely looked like a purple skinned Altean and not more galra). 4: the bond that is shown between lions and the pilots will also exist in the cadets ships, however until a true bond has been built a special key is required to operate the ship. The keys will have the symbol of the cadets animal that they chose to build their ship as. 5: the animal ships will not be able to form their own voltron and the atlas won’t be able to form its voltron either (sorry peeps but even you gots to admit that having two voltrons kinda takes away the specialness of voltron being the only kind of robot he is). 6: the animal ships can be creatures that don’t exist in real life (dragons, Dino’s, any other mythical or extinct jazz) as well as non sentient aliens (think of aliens like the giant four eyed lizards that attacked shiro in the first seasons of vld). 7: there’s a special ‘super mode’ for the lions that cannot be unlocked by the keys (I don’t really like the concept of bayards so it’s getting replaced by the keys seen in dotu). It can only be unlocked in moments of desperate need when pilot and lion are synced. Same for the cadets ships. 8:whenever a voltron pilot has passed away their lion changes appearance and so do their powers (their elements won’t change but they may gain new abilities) and what they seek in a pilot. The same most likely will not apply to the cadets but that depends on a number of things. 9: that super neat coolio centre formation from voltron force will apply to voltron in this rp (if you don’t know what that is i’ll Fill you in on it). 10: allura has not died but she’s not that overly powerful magical bean she is in vld. Both her death and her powers were a bit much for my tastes, I don’t mind her having a strong connection to magic I don’t like how she’s so op because of her powers. She’s brung back the dead and this is supposedly fatally risky yet she’s survived it, she’s still an altean but not super op. Also zarkon, Hagar And lotor are still threats since this is taking place as of the events that killed those characters did not happen. That’s quite a lot of lore huh? Well don’t worry I’ve got plenty more, all you gotta do is ask. Now that I’ve got two important things out of the way i’ll Tell you about me in this nifty little list down below here: 1: i’m Literate and write in the third person (you won’t ever get less than four or five lines from me in times when a scene doesn’t require multiple paragraphs). 2: I live in the eastern Australian time zone but i’m Compatible with just about any time zone there is. 3: I role play only on discord since it’s the platform i’m Most familiar with. 4: even if my discord light says i’m Offline don’t ever hesitate to send a message to me. Chances are i’ll read it and respond even when my lights not green. Don’t worry i’m Not someone who has incognito on all the time. 5: I prefer to play as characters I’ve made rather than make them up on the spot. I’ll also occasionally play canon characters but i’ll Play them not exactly the way they are portrayed in the shows. 6: I only rp as male characters due to bad experiences I have had rping as female ones. That being said I do not care about what your preferred character gender is or their orientation is. 7: i’m Over eighteen so therefore i’ll Need you to be 18+, this isn’t for reasons such as smut (i’m Okay with smut but I don’t want it to be the only focus of the story) but because I don’t feel comfortable rping with people younger than that. Same applies to your characters. 8: romance and smut, completely fine with it. I’m fine if you wanna ship canon characters with other canon characters or with oc’s but please please PLEASE do not make it your only focus. I get it, you wanna ship to your hearts content (i’ll Allow that to happen provided it doesn’t become yours and the rp’s sole focus) but there’s a whole story we gotta do and it’s not a romance only one. 9: I like to rp as non human characters but I will rp as human ones as well. 10: I do not use picture refs or face claims for my characters, only written bios. 11: I do not ghost nor do I tolerate ghosters. If you’ve just vanished of the face of the earth and it’s been a month and you’re not responding because you can’t be bothered to do so do not expect me to be there when you finally decide to do so. That’s a lot about me! Now I have a list about what I require from you. The list is below here: 1: please be literate and write in the third person, also no one liners. Three lines is the least amount i’ll Accept. 2: please be 18+, especially if you’re coming to me looking for smut or other adult themes. Same goes for your characters. 3: you gotta be cool with rping with/as non human characters/characters with disabilities/ etc. please also be comfortable with lgbt+ themes and dark themes. 4: I do not care if you use pre made characters, make them up on the spot or prefer to simply be a canon character but please be flexible in how you write with them. 5: do not spam me with questions asking where I am if I haven’t responded for a few minutes. I may have suddenly gotten called to do something or had to go, i’ll Always respond when possible. 6: please let me know if and when you might not be able to respond to me. I do not want pin point accurate details of why you’ve suddenly disappeared but I would like to know why you haven’t responded for a while. 7: please never hesitate to talk to me if something is wrong or you’d like to add something to the rp. 8: please actively contribute to the rp, it’s no fun if i’m Doing all the work myself. 9: no Gary Stu’s, Mary Sues or god modding please. Still with me so far? Awesome! Now all I have left to say is here is my discord name. Discord name: tiberionsunsconqourer#6187 Please add me and we can get straight to discussing the rp. I cannot wait to rp with the people who want to do this. Peace out dudes!

There Ought to be a Word

La grafica è molto minimal, le parole evidenziate in blu sono le opzioni che il giocatore può scegliere per andare avanti nella storia. La storia è scritta in prima persona e si rivolge a se stesso come se stesse pensando o riflettendo su cosa fosse giusto fare.

Hi.

I’m Jeremy. I’m 31 years old. I have a wonderful 5-year-old son. I have been married for over 7 years, and was with my wife for 4 years before that.

We have been separated for six months.

Sometimes I think about dating.

Inizia come se stesse scrivendo un diario, o comunque una nota sulla sua vita, e le opzioni che ci sono sembrano degli argomenti da approfondire o sul quale vorremmo che Jeremy si soffermasse.

>>Dating

Oh man. Okay. I am a lot better equipped for this than I was 11 years ago, the last time I got into a relationship. I can do this.

I think.

I made an OKCupid profile a few months ago

In questo caso ci pone davanti a due grandi strade, una che tende al passato, ed una che vuole voltare pagina, la mia volontà è quella di non farlo rimuginare e quindi di proiettarlo sempre a ciò che può fare per non abbattersi.

>>OKCupid

It was about two months after we’d finally come to the conclusion that we were separating, for real.

I was still in a really weird place. I wasn’t really ready to start dating, but I needed to know what my future was going to look like. I needed to know that it was going to be possible for me to move on, that I wouldn’t be stuck home alone in my basement every night because I never learned to date.

I picked OKCupid because all of my friends, all of the interesting people I like, when they talk about dating sites, universally talk about OKCupid. And I vaguely remembered Daphny saying that the secret to OKCupid was just to use it to make friends.

I could use some new friends.

Create a profile

Chiaramente parte col dire di non essere sicuro di quello che sta facendo, e non sa nemmeno il perché lo sta facendo. L’unica cosa di cui è sicuro è che OkCupid è un sito molto famoso di appuntamenti, ma lui lo vuole usare per fare nuove amicizie.

>>Create a profile

Am I really doing this? Deep breath. Yeah. I guess I’m doing this.

Okay, basic information. Gender. Birthday. Interested in making new friends. That’s about as far as I can commit right now, yeah. Friends.

Oh god. What do I do about this. Single Married

Non essendo ancora divorziato definitivamente, penso che sposato sia la scelta giusta.

>>Married

I’m technically still married. A divorce is a long way off, yet. And it feels weirdly dishonest to not mention it, since it’s such a huge part of what I’m dealing with right now.

It bugs me a lot that there’s no word for my relationship with my wife. We’re definitely not a couple anymore, and there’s not any feeling on either side that we might become one again in the future. (It’s not like I’m sneaking around behind her back; we discussed dating. She’s supportive.)

It’s like, we’re close friends that are also raising a child together. We’re a family, but not a couple. All of the labels feel wrong.

I decide that probably the most accurate thing to mark down is that I’m married, and just looking for friends. That seems the least wrong set of options, to me.

Write a bio

Unica scelta possibile è scrivere una descrizione di se stesso, ormai è troppo tardi per ripensarci ha deciso di farlo, e l’unica scelta è quella di andare avanti.

>>Write a bio

I spend a couple of hours writing about myself. It is kind of gruelling. (Most writing, for me, is gruelling. (This is not the first Twine game I’ve tried to write about my experience.)) I’m really good at: Empathy. Overthinking things. Puns.

I spend some time digging through photos of myself. I don’t have a lot, but there are some nice ones.

It’s probably midnight when I start filling out questions.

Qui c’è un simpatico commento dell’autore della storia autobiografica, che conferma la realtà dei fatti che sta raccontando attraverso quest’ultima. L’unica scelta è il compilare le domande.

>>Filling out questions

Is astrological sign important in a match? Uh, no.

Have I smoked a cigarette in the last 6 months? Try never.

Which would I rather be?

Normal Weird

Dalle domande che si pone, e dai suoi pensieri deduco che è una persona normalissima, con delle abitudini normali, e che vuole apparire normale.

>>Normal

Could I date someone who was really messy? Sure, why not.

Ffffuuuuck, OKCupid, did you really just ask me if I’d only consider dating white people? Jesus Christ. JESUS CHRIST. I leave a comment on that one.

Would I consider sleeping with someone on the first date?

Yes No

Ho scelto no perché considerando la situazione familiare e sentimentale da cui sta uscendo credo che non sia molto sicuro di ciò che vuole e che non sia molto pronto per questo genere di cose, sotto un certo punto di vista potrebbe sentirsi anche in colpa.

>>No

You think so?

Hm.

I mean, I’ve been going through stuff. It’s hard. But I don’t think I’m unhappy. Not really.

Look at profiles

Mi smentisce.

>>Look at profiles

It’s kind of fun, to keep clicking through profiles, seeing who OKCupid thinks I might be interested in. It seems to do a pretty good job. There are lots of people on here that sound interesting. And in aggregate it starts to paint an interesting picture of the culture of my city.

Lots of people working in government, which I expected. Lots of outdoorsy, outgoing people, which, as an indoorsy introvert, I find myself weirdly put off by. Lots of the people I find interesting are into knitting.

Also, an awful lot of women in polyamourous open marriages? They all seem pretty cool. I guess that happens if you the check the “married” box.

It’s 2am, go to bed

>>It’s 2am, go to bed

Okay, yeah, I have been at this for like five hours, now.

OKCupid feeds me a steady stream of emails about all of the interesting people that I might meet if I just strike up a conversation with them. I don’t send any messages, though. I’m not sure at all what I’m after, with this whole endeavour.

Eventually, someone takes the first step and sends me a message.

Considerando il fatto che non è una persona che non vuole fare il primo passo, scelgo di fargli rispondere al messaggio ricevuto e quindi di farlo “buttare” in nuove conoscenze.

>>Message

She’s impressed that I listed “empathy” as a thing that I am good at. “I am also in an open relationship”, she says.

Eeee! Someone thinks I’m interesting! I guess I had better update my profile to be clearer. Ramble on for a while about empathy and my marriage

Scelgo la terza opzione, perché penso che nella sua posizione, il fatto di mettere in chiaro subito la sua situazione familiare, è una cosa a cui darebbe la priorità. Penso anche che rispetto alle altre due scelte sia la migliore e la più sensata.

>>Ramble on for a while about empathy and my marriage

Hey! Thanks!

Empathy’s not really such a hard trick — I find being naturally quiet helps. You just listen to people and accept what they have to say, even if it’s different from your own experiences. It kind of seems weird and ugly to me when people are dismissive of others, or when they’re quick to judge without understanding. Like, that’s level one on the Basic Human Decency Scale, to me.

I don’t quite have the language to describe my current relationship status. My wife and I are actually in the process of separating, but we’re still quite close, and we’re continuing to be a family together — we’re just no longer a couple. She moved into her own apartment recently, but she comes by the house in the morning to take our son to school, and sometimes in the evenings to have dinner. We’re all three of us happy with the arrangement, but I really wish there were words for what we’re doing. Sometimes I’ll catch myself thinking along the standard divorce narrative, like my marriage “fell apart” or something, and I have to consciously remind myself that, no, my marriage was great, it ended well, and I wouldn’t take back a thing.

Anyway, I should probably be a bit clearer about that in my profile. I’m mostly just looking to get to know some new people right now.

So, uh, how’s it going?

>>So, uh, how’s it going?

We exchange a couple more messages, but it quickly becomes explicitly clear that she’s looking for someone to date (as you would expect, on a dating site), and I am totally not ready for any such thing, and so we stop corresponding.

Soon after, I get a message from another woman, who read my awkward blurb and thinks it’s great that we are having meals as a family. She relates a story from her childhood about one of her parents’ exes coming over for dinner every week. It is nice to hear. We talk about doing right by kids for a bit.

My wife is seeing someone.

>>My wife is seeing someone.

I spend about four hours lying motionless on my bed having feelings.

In questo caso, dopo aver scoperto che la moglie è già impegnata con un’altra persona, il primo pensiero che mi viene in mente è il fatto che Jeremy potesse provare gelosia, e quindi ho scelto sentimenti.

>>Feelings

Stupid, irrational jealousy. It surprises me. I’m not expecting it at all. I haven’t experienced anything resembling jealousy for many, many years. It’s a terrible, hurtful emotion.

>>Hurtful

Not me. I’m not the one who gets hurt this feeling. But jealousy could make me hurt everyone I care about. My son. I don’t want that.

I am feeling shitty, sure. But it doesn’t make any sense to feel that way. Her behaviour has nothing to do with me. She is doing what she needs to do for herself. She’s not inflicting anything on me. I’m doing it to myself.

Eventually I realize that nothing has changed. My plans for myself are sound, and I should continue with them. The feeling burns itself out, and is gone, forever.

I want nothing but success and happiness for her.

Life continues.

Mi è piaciuto molto come Jeremy sia cresciuto sia nel racconto e sia nella sua vita e affronti questa situazione con la frase “La vita continua”. Se avesse provato questi sentimenti di gelosia o rimorso male anni fa, il suo modo di reagire sarebbe stato diverso, come si può dedurre dalla descrizione precedente, in cui sottolinea la sua estraneità a questo sentimento, non avendolo provato sulla sua pelle per molti anni.

>>Life continues

I do eventually build up the courage to send out a few messages. At the moment, OKCupid is a place where I have short, pleasant conversations with strangers. I’ve gotten book recommendations. I’ve found a good pizza place not far from where I work.

I’m still not dating. I might give it a shot soon. I’m emotionally comfortable with the idea, now. I changed my OKCupid status to “single”. I deleted the awkward blurb about being married. It doesn’t seem relevant, anymore.

Still, I worry about how I spend my time. I worry that I don’t actually want people in my life, right now. I’m not exactly going out of my way to spend time with my friends, either. I have trouble getting myself out of the house. Will that improve if I’m dating someone, or will I just ignore them? Am I overthinking it? Am I just making excuses for myself?

I don’t know. I can see that I’m holding myself back, but I can’t tell if it’s because I’m doing what I really want to be doing right now, or if something else is going on.

Can’t tell if depressed or happy.

In questo caso sono presenti tre scelte, come se fosse una sorta di riflessione sulla sua vita e su ciò che ha adesso dopo la separazione. Ho scelto “happy” perché come dice lui, la vita continua, ha amici, un figlio di 5 anni ed è un uomo in salute, non deve fossilizzarsi sul “cosa sarebbe stato se”.

>>Happy

There is a lot of good going on in my life. I have a good relationship with my son. I have a good relationship with my ex. I am full of enthusiasm for my projects, and when I’m not, I don’t push it. I take good care of myself.

I know I’ll make a good partner for someone. I just don’t know when, yet.

Soon.