-person of interest

itoshi sae x f!reader

contents: aged up characters, mentions of alcohol, drunk conversation, some swearing

a/n; i just realized that you do grow apart from your close friends even if you try not to and it feels like shit. yikes!

sae may not come to you directly and hold you, but the guy has been keeping his eye on you ever since he saw you gulping down alcohol along with your friends.

he tries not to care about what you do and the state you are in. but it is hard to do so when you are the only person he finds himself looking at. he even has some other girl with him and he swears he is trying to let the girl distract him. 

and he tries, again, to convince himself that it is because the girl is just talking about herself and not because you are stealing all his attention. he sees you dancing with some guy and he shakes his head and looks away to try focus on the girl and drinks. 

thankfully oliver joins them in their seat with two girls all over him, talking about his next game, trying to impress the girls who are already ready to kill each other for him. 

“gosh oliver, you’re such a charmer.” one of the girl says with high pitched voice as she playfully hits his arm while the man just laughs. sae on the other hand, getting tired of the scene rolls his eyes and shakes his head, unconsciously bringing his eye back on the place you previously were, just to find you gone from there.

“should we go to the dance floor?” the girl besides him asks, her hands wrapping around his own. he nods his head and gets on his feet to get to the dance floor. oliver shouts at him something about enjoying himself with the girl which he decides to ignore.

he reaches the stairs to get down when he finds you walking up. he also notices the guy behind you, trying to grab your arm. “i said i don’t wanna talk to you so just get the fuck outta my sight.” you angrily spit the words out, doesn't make the guy walk away though.

just as you are about to walk away, you find sae's eyes. he didn’t fail to notice how your eyes quickly soften at his sight, “sae..” his name falls out of your lips so softly, he might just have failed to hear you with the loud music playing in the background.

he takes his hand out of the girl’s grip and take a step towards you, “you okay?” the girl with him could hear how his voice got soft and not the normal cold voice he talks in all the time. she tugs on his sleeve to take him with her but he just ignores her leaves her standing there like a fool.

you’d have notice that and felt bad for the girl, but you seem to have got lost in his eyes.

your ex found you and did not leave your side, saying how he wants to get back together with you. during all his talking about getting back together, that jerk seems to forget to look back on his action and continue on telling the break up was on you.

“y/n, come on let’s get out of here.” your ex’s voice brings you back to your senses and you furrow your brows at him, “what the fuck is wrong with this guy..” you push your hair away from your face and fully turn to him, “do i have to spell it for you that i don’t wanna waste my time on you?!” you don’t realize that you raised your voice at him but he was already on your nerves and was not budging away from you.

“y/n-” he tries to grab you but before he reaches you, sae grabs his wrist and stands in between you and your ex, “that’s enough dude, get away from her.” 

clicking his tongue, your ex places an arm on his shoulder, “look bro, i’m not into sharing and this does not concern you. so get away when i’m telling you nicely.”

sae harshly slaps the hand away from his shoulder, “don’t touch me with your filthy hands. i don’t plan on being the nice guy so..” he took a step in front of him, looking down at him, “get the fuck away from her before things gets messy.” the words come out of his lips like a venom and your ex curses under his breath before walking away.

he turns back to you, face nothing like how it was just a second away, “did he hurt you?” he asks getting closer to you. you just shake your head and he sighs, wrapping his arms around you and leading you away. the poor girl from earlier left standing there, long forgotten.

he takes you to their table where you find oliver making out with some other girl. “get your half naked ass away from here.” the two look up at him and oliver smirks once his eyes land on you. “let’s get some drink, doll.” he tells the girl and walks away from the two of you after winking at sae.

he plops himself on the couch and extends his arm, “come on y/n, you must be tired.” you take a seat next to him, really close to him.

“ugh my head is spinning.” you rest your head on his chest and get comfortable. his body gets tense but soon relaxes, wrapping his arm around you, “yeah no shit. i saw you gulping the vodka down.” he chuckles, “do you want me to order you lemonade?”

“what’s the time?” he is confused at your question but he lifts his hips to take his phone out of his pocket, “it’s almost two. why?” you lift your head and grab the beer can on the table and take a sip, “it’s still early and i’m not leaving without my girls you know. i can’t just leave them here.” you take another sip of the beer.

sae sighs and takes the beer out of your hand, “you’re already drunk y/n. you don’t wanna puke.” you chuckle and link your arms with his and link your fingers together. sae does circular motions on your hand while you tell him about when your friend was puking all the way while going down the stairs.

“but don’t worry i have never puked no matter how much i drank.” you look at him, finding his eyes already looking at you with the soft look that is not a sight most people get to see. 

he smiles and caresses your cheeks, “there’s a first time for everything sweetheart.” you are shocked at the words coming out of his mouth but looking at his face, seems like he is also shocked at the words he just let out.

it’s not everyday, it's like never, he calls someone with sweet pet names.

your face brightens up and you get on your feet, pulling him up with you, “let’s dance.” before he could refuse, you drag him with you down to the dance floor.

you get in a less crowded spot and wrap your arms around his neck, dancing to the beat. soon enough he gets comfortable and holds you close to himself and fulfills your demand of dancing. 

you don’t remember how long you two are on the dance floor, “sae!” you pull his face closer to your by his collar to whisper in his ears since the music was too loud, “i’m tired.” as soon as he hears you, he holds your hand and gets you out of the crowded dance floor and take you to the bar.

he gets you a can of beer by your request. he opens the can before handing it to you and you take a sip of the chilled drink. you both then go back to the table he booked, which is now occupied by some random people who are too drunk to care, and rest your body on the railing as you watch people enjoying themselves on the dance floor.

since there are a lot of other, drunk people near you, sae comes besides you and rests his arms on either sides of your body, keeping you between his arms. you bring the drink up to his lips for him to drink, which he does.

(oh my gosh i need to tell y’all about this. i am writing this from what i’ve experienced and let me tell you about when this particular thing happened to me. so like i bring the beer up to his lips and he literally chuckles and brings his lips closer to my ear and says that it’s an indirect kiss. lmao thinking back about it is making me giggle. but anyways enjoy!)

“i never knew you were such a drinker.” sae says as he watches you drink your beer. you look at him, “well that’s because you never really knew me baby.” you smile cheekily and give him the drink.

you are a little too drunk at this point to be aware of your actions and you stumble on a table behind you. looking at the people on the seat, you notice that two of your friends are with the some guys. (please i hope you understand this cause idk how to explain it. but like ya'll are in like the balcony seats? and it is not so spacious plus the place is crowded)

“hey girl~ you really disappeared with sae huh?” one of them, ruby, says while wiggling her brows at you. you look over at sae who was talking with someone, while he keeps his eyes on you most of the time. 

one of the guy takes your hand and helps you on his lap. you being a lil' too out of your mind let, use him as the couch and bring your focus back to your friends, “yeah i don’t know what happened.” the guy offered you his drink, “drink it babe.”

your drunk self takes his drink and takes a sip before sae comes and grabs your arm, pulling you out of the guy’s lap, “i’m taking her with me.” he simply says and walks away from the group.

“where are we going?” you are barely keeping your body straight up so the poor guy has to hold you up. he has his one arm around your waist and the other holding your arm, leading into a more wider space. 

there is a empty table, no people and no bottle or any belongings, “somewhere we can be alone.” he leads you to the table and makes you sit on the couch. he sits besides you and you rest your head on his chest, sleeping on him.

“tell me if you want a drink. don’t drink off of some random ape looking guy’s glass.” he strokes the hair strands falling onto your face away.

you lift your head and look at him, face so close that makes you tempted to kiss him, “why do you care anyways?” he doesn’t say anything and just looks at you. getting lost in his eyes, you close the gap between the two of you and let your lips land on his.

for a few seconds, sae goes still but just as you’re about to pull away, he holds you jaw and kisses you back. you move closer to him, almost sitting on his lap as your hands get tangled in his hair strands. 

he brings his hands on your hip, lifting you to make you sit on his lap. you pull away and look at him. he cups your face and strokes your cheek with his thumb, “why do i care y/n? wish i could answer you but i don’t know myself.” 

his forehead rests on yours and you lift his chin to make him look at you, “you get close to me and just when i think things are going well, you get distant. i don’t know what to think of that sae. you really confuse me.”

you maybe drunk but you know what you said, words are coming out of your lips on their own but they are all the things you’ve thought about for a long time. you might just regret this all tomorrow but for now you did not think about that.

“i.. i need a certain answer sae. it’s either you want to be with me or no.” he knows you are drunk but he can sense the seriousness in your tone.

“i do want to be with you y/n. i really do. but then i fear that if you get too close to me, i’ll lose you. and i don't wanna lose you-”

“sae you are not as bright as i thought you are.” your words make him confuse which make you chuckle, “i can’t believe we are having this conversation while i’m drunk.” you cup his face, “you need to give us a chance, sae. not everything goes the way you want but you should at least see how well we do together. we might need some time with each other, but that’s just how it goes.”

he sighs, “are those your genuine words or is it the alcohol speaking?”

“these are my genuine words. the alcohol is just giving me courage.” you look at his face, “don’t make me regret what i just said tomorrow.”

he chuckles, “i won’t, don’t worry y/n.” then he kisses you, really kisses you. it was so sweet and so perfect like it was meant to be.

you pull back with a smile, “i can’t believed i just had that conversation drunk.” chuckling, you rest your head on sae’s shoulder, “take me home?”

“sure thing princess.”

Blaze's Compendium Entry #6: Helmet is required to deal with the Muh Shubuu.

Warning: Faith and religion are important real life topics, that tackles the culture and way of life of millions of real life people. It is a cultural expression, and must be respected by all means. Here, we use a video-game series only to ignite the flame of learning about the matter, using its art when well depicted, but we do this with all due respect to the cultures we talk here, grounded by real life sources, cultures and people. And i mean this with respect. Hope you all enjoy.

Moh Shubuu, or Moh Shuvuu is a fantastical creature from the Buryati Folclore, nomadic people from Asia in a region between Siberia and Mongolia. Their are treated like a Mythological bird, that is born when a young girl or young woman dies by violent means, without knowing true love. (This can imply chastity, but it will vary in how explicit it says it). Normally, Moh Shubuu will attack man that she could seduce using her young girl looks, bringing the victim to isolated areas of the desert and killing them with a blow to their head, using their ominous sharp beak. Then she would proceed to suck and consume the brain matter out of the person.... Yikes.

According to sources (as always, will be in the boton) There are other ways for a Moh Shubuu to be born, we will explore those later.

This is one of those legends that, finding a single western source on it is way harder than actually understanding it. Not even Wikipedia is of any help here (That is, if it was of any help, any time). The only real English source i was able to locate was a book: ''Christian Demonology and Popular Mythology, Central European, 2006''. Although this book was a verifiable source, it was not from much help because of the biased view of the tale, from a Christian perspective. Which is not exactly wrong. There's whole fields of theology dedicated to this , but we gotta exercise the Methodological Agnosticism here, which means i can't analyze a culture going from other completely biased point of view, but rather try to see by the eyes of said people considering their time and space, which is also not a easy task by any means.

Moh Shubuu hides her beak with her hands, and sleeves.

The book offers little to no insight about more than what is commonly associated with the Moh Shubuu. The western internet is filled with texts and people talking about this legend, in the way i told above. But the creature name gets a bit confusing. Usually, in the west people call it Moh Shuvuu, but it seems this is a western way of spelling the name, which is actually Moh Shubuu or Moh Shubuun. This means literally somehting like ''Evil Bird'' According to most sources, but i was unable to independent verify this claim. So, take it with a bit of salt. I am sure though, that this could not be so much far away from what it really is.

Going by Muh Shubuun or Moh Shubuu makes it more easier to research it, in Russian the name is spelled like: Муу шубуун. In using this language, there is a good amount of sources going from sites that talk about mythology, to museum pages in general, to books. This did not surprised me, because Buryatia being part of Russian territory for centuries now, and Moh Shubuu being a relatively obscure, and oral folklore, makes it very niche to research indeed. Specially from a culture which is in high danger of disappearing. [2]

But by far, the most complete work in Buryatian culture research i was able to find, comes from a renowned Russian folklorist: Matvey Nikolaevich (1858-1918). His work is extensive and very detailed, he spent his life and career studying and documenting Buryati culture. Matvey was celebrated in his time by his expeditions to Buryati settlements to study their culture, and he was elected in 1888 as a member of the Russian Geographic Society. So much so, that a Museum in Buryatia is named after him, and display many of his belongings and researches there. (Linked source, and Museum)

If you happen to speak Russian, and is interested in learning more about Buryatian Folklore, culture and more i heavily suggests you to read more of Matvey books. As for me, i do not speak Russian, so i am relying in software translations. If you notice anything wrong, please let me know!

I can't go too deep in his work here, because our main goal here is to explore the Muh Shubuu lore. Luckily for us, Matvey catalogued this very tale (along with another multitude of Buryati folklore) in some of his work. Here, i will use as a basis his book:

‘’Хангалов М.Н. Собрание сочинений в 3 т. Т.3. / Под ред. Г.Н.Румянцева.-Улан-Удэ: Изд-во ОАО «Республиканская типография», 2004.- (Reprint)’’

Translated roughly as:

‘’Khangalov M.N. Collected works in 3 vols. T.3. / Ed. G.N. Rumyantsev.-Ulan-Ude: Publishing House of JSC "Republican Printing House", 2004. (Reprint)’’

This work was originally published between 1889 to 1903, in 3 volumes focusing on Buryati Folklore. Sadly, i could not locate this book anywhere on the web, at least not using software translation and all my power to do so, i could not locate a physical copy of easy access for me. But, luckily the book is partially transcribed in many web pages and that's how i guided myself.

So, about the Muh Shubuu!

There are some legends Matvey catalogued about this demon in Buryati folklore, but they vary a bit. This can be because of the nomadic nature of the Buryati people, and how the tale can evolve and change between groups and settlement. But nevertheless, the essence is still the same. Here are some tales that Matvey could comply about the Muh Shubuu:

There is, for instance the tale of a young couple, that went to live in the woods together. Sadly the man dies from illness shortly after, leaving his wife alone and depressed. The woman could not bear the loss of her husband, and was driven into madness. During this time, she decides it is a good idea to consume the dead decaying liver of her late husband. After that, she dies as well.

The woman's soul is back as a Mu Shubuun, because of her terrible act. Still according to this particular legend, this demon can change forms into different types of birds. (like some kind of warebird) But, when she transforms back to her more humanoid form, only the beak will remain. (Some times, this beak is described like her lips) The beak will always be visible, no matter how many times she transforms back.

Another tale tells about a hunter, who was hunting alone in the desert. (or woods, depending on the mood of my translation software) After taking a rest, a young woman approaches him. She starts to kick a conversation, cracking jokes, and getting along with the hunter. He noticed that the woman always tried to hid her lower face with her sleeves, and found it suspicious. He notices this is a Mu Shubuu, and asks her to get logs to the fire he is preparing. She goes, and while she's away, the hunter puts some branches and his stuff into his blanket to give the impression he is sleeping in it.

When the demon returns, she thinks the tired hunter was sleeping already, and she could finally attack. She jumped in the blanked with her beak, stabbing the branches and logs he put inside it, and it got stuck. That's when the hunter shoots the thing down with his gun. After that, he burns the remains in a fire.

This story is particularly interesting, because it involves guns, so it was probably not that old. At least this version, it could have changed with the years, with regular weapons becoming guns, once they were invented and got popular. Or... My translation software got something as an bow and arrow as a gun.

This tale also makes clear that the creature was about to kill the hunter, with her classical ''beak to the head'' and would probably consume his brain matter. But there is evidence Mu Shubuu diet consisted of more than just brains. like the woman in the first tale eating the liver of her husband.

This amazing artwork was made by NATZ they are amazing, and let us use it to illustrate this text. Go check them out! I am a big fan!

In another tale, there is also other person who win in a fight against this demon by getting her stuck in a tree. This seemed to be enough to the creature promise not to bother anyone anymore.

Matvey also complied the information that, some tales described that Mu Shubuu had two ''flints'' with them, usually in their armpits. The right one is a bright red flint, very good looking. The other one is a decayed and rotten tool. The disgusting one is the one to destroy, or take from the creature, because it is linked to her vital forces, it seems. During a fight, Mu Shubuu will try to convince you that the red one is better, but this is a trap. This flint will weaken you instead, making you the easiest prey to this demon.

Buryat knife with a suspension, a tube, a pouch, a flint. Silver, coral, malachite, mahogany, leather, hardened steel, corals, chasing, punching, forging. I dont know, but maybe this legends of a ''flint'' could be referring to the tools here.

There is also the implication that there are male Mu Shubuun as well! According to Matvey there was a tale about a forest where lots of Mu Shubuun inhabited, and they always caused mayhem in the region, attacking and eating people's brains.

One day, a warrior decided to go there, and was (surprise surprise) attacked by a Mu Shubuun. In this story, the flint version was accounted for, and the warrior win the fight taking the ugly looking flint from the demon. But, she ends up fleeing.

The man follows the creature trail up to a well, where he found not only the female Mu Shubuun that attacked him, but a male Mu Shubuun. It was the male that convinced the guy not to harm them, explaining that attacking humans was an habit of the female Mu Shubuun only. As a way to apologize, the couple of demons teach the man how to defend himself from their relatives, using magical phrases. I could not translate them very well using software, but in Russian it goes as:

‘’Хадалан долон - Хадалаевы семеро

Хамнагахи найман - Хамнагановы восьмеро’’

Female and (possible) male Mu Shubuun from the game Blood Brothers. I like this interpretation very much, because of the bloody beak.

This tales are interestng, because they are very small but they manage to convey a lot about this creature, which is sadly not very much available to western sources. It is evident that in Buryatia, this is a relatively known folkloric tale, and in Russia and Eurasia it was spread by books and the internet, much before the demon was explored in the Shin Megami Tensei series.

For instance, the Irkutsk City Museum, in Russia has a page dedicated to Buryati culture, and also shows some Mu Shubuun texts. Irkutsk is not in Buryatia, rather is a bit north, after the Baikal lake that separates Buryatia from the rest of Russia. But it is close enough to have some cultural connections.

(Again, i am not going too deep into the Buryati belief system as a whole. Not only because that's not the foccus here, but because it would need much more research. If you want me to talk about more of this culture in the future, let me know!)

Much is talked about the Buryatian Shamanism when talking about the Buryatian folklore. This was present in Matvey's work, as well in official government sources as the Irkutsk Museum. This Shamanistic culture often deals with lots of problematic spirits. Those are usually translated as bad spirits, ghosts, or even demons. This means our little devil bird girl is not alone in this pantheon. Just to be brief about some other Buryatian mystical creatures:

Ada: A spirit that manifests itself as a small crature with only one eye, and one teeth. Their mouth is on her lower jaw. Can appear as a dog, children or even inflate itself as a balloon. (This one is specifically creepy, and it is also cited by Matvey works)

Anakhai: Also spotted on the before told sources, this is a cyclop-like creature that attacks children.

Ezykhe: A spirit that causes harm to domestic animals. Usually it appears as a decaying old hag, that steals cow's milk. This can cause malnutrition to calfs, and even death of livestock.

The Buryati usually are practitioners of Tengrism. This is a belief system that is sustained by the relationship with the Earth, being protected by it and the ancient spirits. It is interesting that, in some sources the Tengrists believe that the skeleton is sacred, because it stores a part of the Soul. They went as far as to not damage animal bones during sacrificial rituals. So, since Mu Shubuun has to break open the skull to eat its prey's brain, i wonder if it is seen as a even more evil act by them. [sourced by Buryati Religion and Society’ from Lawrence Krader, 1954]

As is the case with any culture, we need to know a bit of the time and place to understand the collective consciousness that give birth to such myths. The Buryatia territory as a place and the way of life of the Buryati people is essential to this mixture. For instance, being nomadic people that relies a lot in livestock and surviving the harsh Eurasian deserts and the SIberian tundra, the worst fears would often be dictated by those essential pillars of their lifes.

A creature that can slowly kill your livestock? A predatory demon that kills you alone in the desert, sucking your brains? Those were real fears. It is hard to dive deeper into Buryati culture in this text, because it is just a crop honestly, but is also very important to remind ourselves that the Buryati are a diverse people, and some behaviors, tales and even words can change from place to place.

There is definitively a lot to learn from their culture, and a lot to preserve. Being endangered to disappear, it is always interesting to spread the word to more people that could study and preserve Buryati history.

If you are interested, i can recommend also the paper ‘’Buryati Religion and Society’ from Lawrence Krader, published originally in 1954. It is not perfect, and it is pretty old, but it is a good start! It is one of the few English sources about Buryatian culture out there.

Mu Shubuun is a very interesting case of a regional folklore making a trip from it's mother culture and ending up appearing in pop culture. Even with UN classifying the Buryati language to be highly in risk to be extinct, this predatory bird devil ended up in games and known in many parts of the world. In SMT for instance, she ranked 9th as the most popular demon in recent years, as well is a recurrent character in almost every franchise release since the 1990s.

Kazuma Kaneko's design is great for me, because it interprets the beak as disguised as the creature hair, or is it hair and just looks like a beak? That is the magic of his take on the creature. I am just curious on how he got to this specific folklore in the first place.

Kaneko took inspiration from Buryati female clothes when designing Mu Shubuun appearance! Very neat. SMT Moh Shubuu lacks the beak, but its hair its styled like a bird's beak, head and wings in a very cool nod to its nature.

It is fascinating to think this happened, but it got me thinking that Mu Shubuun was a product of a culture, and real people that lived by this for centuries. As the warning says in the start of the text, we can use popular media to spark a flame of interest in the matter, but this has to be done with all due respect.

The next paragraphs are based on my personal opinions upon studying this tale extensively. But you feel free to disagree with me, or even correct me!

In my personal belief, Mu Shubuun is one of those Folkloric cautionary tales. Not only not to wander alone in the desert, which could be fatal by very real means, but also that violence against the more vulnerable could have consequences. In the case of Young Woman, this could end up as a Muh shubuu coming to enact her revenge.

Another personal observation of mine: The creature carrying flints reminded me of the old Korean tradition of young virgin woman carrying daggers in her clothes (usually in their arms as well), so they could commit suicide if endangered to be sexually harassed. [1] This could be nothing related, but i thought about it immediately after noticing the flint trope with Moh Shubuu.

As why the bird connection, i really can't say for sure. Probably because raptor birds could be menacingly common, around. But i should study Buryati culture deeper in order to be more accurate about it. End of my personal opinions

Be any reason why this tale survived centuries and ended up here, in the internet, videogames, and other works, is a mystery to me. Maybe the idea of a vengeful spirit taking her grudge on male society is alluring to some, maybe it was because Kazuma Kaneko really did an amazing design, and maybe it is because there is something about regional tales, folklore and beliefs that really fascinate some of us. Some distortions may have occurred in the way, but it is also part of this process. To me, it is important that Buryati traditions and culture can be preserved, and for many, Mu Shubuun is the link to this cosmos. That is a very interesting thing, and i am quite fascinated by it as well.

Thank you for reading up until here!

Sources:

-Matvey, Collected works Volume 3, pages 25 to 26 (reprinted in 2004) - (Хангалов М.Н. Собрание сочинений в 3 т. Т.3. / Под ред. Г.Н.Румянцева.-Улан-Удэ: Изд-во ОАО «Республиканская типография», 2004.- С.25-26’’)

-Irkutsk City Museum

-Buryati Religion And Society, Lawrence Krader 1954. (Sadly paywall...)

[1] - Korean Perceptions of Chastity ceptions of Chastity, Gender Roles, and Libido; F , Gender Roles, and Libido; From Kisaengs to the Twenty First Century (This one is just to back my claim about similarities)

[2]- The troubled state of the Buryati language today, Dulma Batorova

Episode 110 - 6.06 You Can’t Handle the Truth

aka truth coming out of her well to punch humanity in the nuts...

Welcome to the brutal, painful truth. Let’s start this week with a trigger warning for suicide and implied offscreen rape of a minor, because even if this show will gloss over stuff like that, I try to give a heads up about it. Because yikes…

Poor Dean has been desperate for the truth all season long, but everyone and everything has stood in his way. And now? he’s about to be kicked, repeatedly and forcefully, with the harshest possible version of the truth on all fronts.

He suffers the consequences of his poor choices in the previous episode regarding Lisa (and again, if Dean was actually Ben’s father, you’d think that would be something she would’ve been compelled to reveal in a Most Painful Possible Way in this episode, but she doesn’t, which is the final nail in my personal coffin for the fandom theory that Ben was really Dean’s kid... but that’s entirely beside the point of this episode, really...)

And we learn the truth that Sam has known all along that something was really wrong with him, and he’s been hiding it. And also unfortunately, Cas only shows up BEFORE Dean gets hit with the truth spell, so we’re still in the dark about what’s actually going on with him, though it is becoming clear that he feels pretty dang bad about it all anyway.

LINKS!

The Superwiki page

My tag

Filming Locations map

CW Promo video

SpaceTV promo video

Space TV sneak peek

I really do hope folks have been looking through my tag every week, but if you’ve fallen behind on reading Lizbob’s Dean and Cas are In Love series, this seems like a good place to start linking those again :’)

Also, since I recorded this episode two weeks ago, and Discord has FINALLY invited me to update my user name, I’m now just plain old mittensmorgul there as well. Come say hi! :)

Listen now on Spotify, or wherever you enjoy podcasts!

in which my tarot deck maps out Jin Guangyao's self-damning career choices

Tarot cards are a fun way to facilitate self-reflection. Human brains love patterns, and the images, symbolism, and meanings associated with each card provide rich narrative potential. Generally speaking, no matter what cards you pull, you'll be able to create a story with some application to your own life (or the life of the person for whom you're reading).

But sometimes, if you're me, your deck gives you something buckwild that makes ZERO sense for you. You pull an additional card for clarity and it only makes the meaning more obscure. You pull a second clarity card, and the cards are spelling out a very clear arc but it does not apply to you in any way--thankfully, because YIKES.

And then you realize that your tarot deck has spat out an in-depth reading for Jin Guangyao. Again.

COME WITH ME ON A JOURNEY~

If you read tarot at all, you will have noticed and been troubled by the THREE MAJOR ARCANA CARDS HAPPENING, one of which is THE GODDAMN TOWER. This is bananas. If you as a real-life regular human get something like this for yourself and it actually applies, you are really going through it.

So! This started as a regular three-card spread. Read left to right, this can be construed as "past, present, future" or "cause, outcome, consequence."

PAST/CAUSE: The Tower reversed

The Tower is infamously the "oh shit oh fuck" card. Remember the "2020 Tarot Deck: Oops, All Towers!" meme? Yeah. The Tower means a major upheaval, often a calamitous one. Reversed, it's still major, but a bit less dire: an upheaval is happening/has happened, and you need to accept it.

For Meng Yao, this could apply to both his exile from Qinghe and the fall of Wen Ruohan. I'm inclined to say the latter because of the reversal He's not being cast out of this Tower; he's upending it himself. Still, he's reached a point of no return. What comes next?

PRESENT/OUTCOME: Ace of Wands reversed

Wands are about ingenuity, change, and action, and aces are about new beginnings. Thus, the Ace of Wands is about taking chances and making some big moves... except it's reversed here, so those big moves might not turn out the way you anticipated.

Wow! Meng Yao--excuse me, Jin Guangyao--is a war hero and got officially acknowledged by his father! He's even got a shiny new name to show for it! Sure, the name implies that he doesn't belong to the generation of potential sect heirs, but that's probably just an oversight. His dad will definitely reward him if he works hard and does his very best! Right? Right???

FUTURE/CONSEQUENCE: Four of Cups upright

Cups are about emotions and interpersonal relationships. The Four of Cups means that something is off with those things: you're discouraged, you're depressed, and you're prioritizing the wrong things. The artist for this deck illustrates this with a woman who sits with her eyes closed and her hands tucked up against her, either unaware of the cups around her or unwilling to reach for him. "It may speak to disappointment in a specific person or situation," says the book.

WHAT'S THAT, A-YAO? DID SELLING YOUR SOUL TO YOUR DAD NOT WORK OUT THE WAY YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD? ARE YOU PERHAPS HAVING A BAD TIME IN A HELL OF YOUR OWN CREATION?

It's worth noting that Pentacles--the minor arcana suit about security, wealth, and material success--do NOT come up anywhere in this reading. Given how crucial these are to JGY's motivations, their absence is curious. Perhaps the lack of Pentacles is because wealth and success aren't the problems here; the issue is his increasingly fucked-up personal life. Or perhaps there are no Pentacles because poverty and that fundamental lack of security is what led him here in the first place and nothing can be done about it.

If you're left scratching your head after reading your initial spread, you can draw additional cards to clear things up! In the Doylist sense, this cleared things up for me because I realized oh, this is about a blorbo. In the Watsonian sense, let's imagine these cards getting pulled because JGY needs more info about what's wrong.

CLARITY CARD 1: The Moon upright

The Moon is basically "THERE ARE TWO WOLVES INSIDE YOU" as a card. It shows up when the querent is dealing with profound uncertainty, "grappling with doubt, deception, illusion, or a lack of focus" as the book puts it. It represents a choice between emotion+intuition or intellect+rationality, neither of which is an inherently "better" option; it depends on the situation.

So our boy JGY is torn between the rational choice and his gut feelings... and in JGY's case, I'd argue that he follows his gut impulses more than he thinks he does. It is not rational to commit unforgivable crimes at your father's behest, thus putting yourself fully at his mercy. It's not rational to knowingly marry and have a child with your sister and never tell her you're related. (In CQL, that is; in the novel, with the child coming before the knowledge, his choice has more merit.) It's also not rational to leave so many loose ends alive. He's not making chessmaster plays here; he's acting out of fear, sentimentality, and a deeply flawed schema. "Please stop," says this card.

Hmm! Not great! Maybe a new card will help?

CLARITY CARD 2: The Chariot reversed

The Chariot is about willpower, progress, and victory! Except it's reversed, which means your victory was a destructive one that completely ruined you.

Sorry, bud.

Get to know your Tav!

OK SO I DIDN'T NOTICE @piipaw HAD TAGGED ME IN THIS UNTIL *JUST NOW* WHOOPS

(A silly little picrew courtesy of @crowesn to show their more "canonical" appearance)

(How they look in-game)

(O)Leander | Half-Elf (Drow) | Oath of Vengeance Paladin (former Cleric of Lolth, eventual Cleric of Eilistraee) | He/They/It | Age: 45-55 (he lost track of time, whoops)

What is your Tav’s…

Favorite Weapon: Knife of the Undermountain King for lore reasons (advantage on attacks against obscured targets, like duh,) and a shield, but in-game I tend to gravitate more towards greatswords :p

Style of Combat: Sneak up, boss the party members around until the enemies are surrounded, and go in for a surprise attack.

Most Prized Possession: The bones of their undead cat named Shrimp, basically an enchanted summon. She helps him navigate :3c

Deepest Desire: To get revenge, both for themself and everyone else they deem deserving.

Guilty Pleasure: Swimming. Sweet treats. Getting to disembowl evil Lolth-Sworn Drow.

Best-Kept Secret: LONELY. HE ACHES WITH IT.

Greatest Strength: Unwavering sense of justice and duty, strong moral compass.

Fatal Flaw: STRONG MORAL COMPASS. Something of a burgeoning god complex, and is willing to decide between a person's life and death in the name of his Oath. Yikes.

Favorite Smell: Probably fire. Burning wood, Sacred Flame, burning flesh, you name it.

Favorite Spell or Cantrip: Can never go wrong with a good Searing Smite. And Guiding Bolt (when it fucking hits, anyway.)

Pet Peeve: People assuming they're stupid or helpless because they're blind.

Bad Habit: Gets a little single-minded at times, and loses sight of everything else (i.e. consequences, people's feelings, etc.)

Hidden Talent: Plays the viola (not the violin, make this misconception and he will be Grumpy.)

Leisure Activity: Reading (with the help of magic, of course,) and exercising.

Favorite Drink: Hot drinks: Tea. Cold drinks: Beer.

Comfort Food: SOUP. LIQUIFY LITERALLY ANYTHING AND HE'LL EAT IT LIKE HE'S AT A 5 STAR RESTAURANT.

Favorite Person: Astarion, simply because they (ironically enough) found him to be the most agreeable person when their journey began. And of course as time went on they became actual friends/partners. Second place tho has gotta go to Jaheira. M'boy has mommy issues.

Favored Display of Affection (platonic and/or romantic): (platonic) You know when guys, like, grab each others' hands before going in for a hug? Like, specifically the hand grab. But only if he's wearing gloves.

(romantic) Likes to put their hand on Astarion's hip, maybe wrap their arm around his waist. Gentlemanly gestures, if you will (do not be fooled, he is not a gentleman, whatsoever.)

Fondest Childhood Memory: When he and his mother were still close, and she'd play with his hair while singing him to sleep.

Tags (mostly just people who's content I greatly enjoy, rather than mutuals, since I'm pretty late to the trend here lol):

@miraculan-draws @promtease @velnna @mooreaux @nat20composure

Season 10, Episode 17: Inside Man

Huh.

Bobby?

Ooh, that's an interesting idea

Is Dean okay?

Oh no... Dean...

You've gotta wake him up, Sam

Or maybe not

Riiight

Sounds like fun

What kind of movie?

What.

Dad mode

That was weird

I mean, I know what Sam is doing, but. Weird.

I mean, yeah, but I also think he's actually doing better than he was before the demon thing. Like, it reset him or something.

Alright then

Weird

Yikes

Rowena, don't be coy

This is a trainwreck of a conversation

Huh.

Dean...

Dean. That's nasty

That's a bold-faced lie

This entire episode is a trainwreck, actually

I should've known by the weird looks on their faces

And maybe with Sam not there

Cas, not again

Cas.

This is great

No, he's got an idea

THE BLATANT CAMERA VIEW ON THE SURFACE LOGO 😭 how much did Microsoft pay them for that 😭😭😭

(not to diss the Surface, I'm watching on one right now)

I'm so confused

Eugh he's using Windows 8, I can't watch

Close enough for her

He knows the bartender by name. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing

Oh, Dean

I don't like him

Oh, Dean's gonna have fun

This'll be great

So then what happened?

Mm...

Cas, no

Spooky

So I looked up this guy's IMDb because I thought I recognized his face (I do not) and it turns out he was the donkey guy on My Little Pony. Weird.

An Angel of the Lord

IM AN ATHEIST

Fair

This is so whack

HE CALLED METATRON A HOBBIT

Bad idea, dudes

Yikes

I can't wait for the payoff

Oh, they're gonna crash and burn

Dean, don't be mean

And there he goes. That was kinda terrifying to watch the switch

Aw, his hat!

This is familiar

He took the jacket off 😂 this is so much fun to watch

Aw, Dean, don't take the watch

Oh great

Dean...

Maybe he shouldn't wear that shirt anymore (though it kills me to say it)

Yeah, I bet

You could say that

Uh...

That's a tall order

I remember that

Great question

Yeah. Classics

1. There's nobody better and b. You're in heaven. There's gotta be a way around that

Um.

Uh oh

Fair

Ouch

Probably that same spell as last time

Oh, Dean...

This is not good

That sounds like something related to Gaelic

The Mark has many benefits

Dean, be careful

Oh right, they don't know that part

Unfortunately

She's really annoying

Huh. It's like a lever

Death can't stop the Winchesters from spreading their crap

Spooky

Uh oh, you better run

That did not go well for her

Oh, she did not

I mean. Crowley would know that if someone was trying to kill Dean Winchester, they'd be lucky to walk out alive. So obviously something is fishy here

Hehehe

By what?

Huh. Uneasy ally

Of course he does

See? Crowley knows what's up

Uh huh...

What makes you think he isn't?

Oh boy

If anyone can, it's Bobby

Hah! Good idea

Heaven revolt

This is interesting

THE BOBBYS ARE FIGHTING BACK

THE BOBBYS ARE SURLY

The answer to the question of life the universe and everything!!!!!!! I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

Run Forrest, run!

Hi, Cas

He's in Lebanon

Yup

Exactly

I'm sorry. I know that it makes sense, but the fact that Crowley is more willing to listen to Dean than Rowena speaks volumes.

Ouch

But there's hope

The little pitchfork in the drink 😂

She's not wrong

Now it's just a domestic disagreement

Me neither

He's not even 40 😂

Then again, Bobby died at 62... and just must've been somewhere around the same age, if younger. And we know Dean dies at forty... so I guess he's not entirely wrong

FAMILY DONT END IN BLOOD, BUT IT DOESNT START THERE EITHER

Speaking of Bobby...

And Dean's family is doing exactly that right now

I wanna punch that smirk off his face

Lame

That can be arranged

Fun times

Oh, please

Rgh, he gets on every single one of my nerves

Absolutely not

Oh. That's a bold move

Yes!

I love them so much

Death-level

That sounds like him

Hmm.

Hehehe

Surprisingly

Probably not

HES BACK

Alright then

Yeah...

Yeah, I bet

The toothbrush 😭

Huh

Yeah...

Dean's done the same before

Good advice

Aww

Awww

Typical Tuesday

Life moves at a snail’s pace here but so do I.  I used to be such a bouncy, bright gal until my ankles and feet decided to turn on me.  Now everything hurts and cracks, and scoffs at me when I say, “Hey we should dance!” Boy, I miss dancing.  I still shimmy around the kitchen when I cook, but sustained dancing for an hour or so seems like a big ask. Poor, poor me.

I’m only thinking about that because I just tried making an appointment with an orthopedic doctor for a weird thing that’s causing pain in my left ankle, formerly known as my “good ankle”.  I was on hold for about ten minutes, went through the new patient song and dance with a very friendly young woman, gave all of my pertinent info, and then she said, “Okay, just as soon as your former doctor sends your medical records someone will call you to schedule an appointment.”  Well, crap.  I replied, “I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you will not request those records.”  She confirmed that, said I’d have to get them to fax the records, and hopefully everyone would do their part and I can see a doctor before my foot falls off.  Immediately after ending that call I placed a call to my doctor in Tennessee and said I needed my records to be faxed up here.  That not-so-nice lady said that would require an official form from the doctor’s office in Maryland, and blah blah blah.  I explained that they told me I had to make the request and maybe I get the form from them, or perhaps it could be emailed to me, or could I possibly find it on their (TN) website. I was battering her with all of the ways I might be able to get my hands on the form and get this done today, when she finally sighed and said, “Look just email me giving your permission to release the records and put your name and date of birth in the email.”   Now, was that so hard? I thanked her profusely and sent the email fifteen seconds after we hung up.  Who thinks that this will all go smoothly and I’ll get a call this week?  I’d say those odds are slim. I hope I’m wrong, but I’ll bet I have to request the records at least once more and won’t see a doctor before September. Ugh. But that’s not why I’m here.  I’m here because I don’t post enough and I’m trying to make myself show up.  It would help if I had something to actually write about but you’ll just have to bear with me. If I show up every day maybe my muse will show up too. Cross your fingers, light a candle, rub some beads.

Today started the way our days it always start. The mister gets up early and goes out for a long walk.  He likes to show off his healthy feet. He listens to audiobooks and watches the town wake up.  While he’s doing that I play word games on my phone (Wordle, Spelling Bee, Letter Boxed, Connections, etc). Then I have long conversations with the cats, eventually get up and make the bed, and ease into my day.  We’re very different people. For example, he’s been watching Wimbledon and he caught me tuned into the Hallmark channel’s Christmas in July.

Don’t judge me. The world is on fire, I needed a dose of predictable sweetness with a happy ending. Speaking of sweetness, on Sunday we drove over to spend an afternoon with the Edgewater gang.  Everyone is getting ready to scatter on different trips, so we wanted to hug them before that happened.  Little Miss was as entertaining and fun as always.  We were treated to a mermaid water show in her pool, I played Barbies with her for a little while, and then she belly laughed while driving her cats bonkers with a laser pointer.  It was a full afternoon.  A big storm blew in and dumped tons of rain that same afternoon.  We made our exit when there was a break in the radar and raced the rain home.  As we started across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge I saw these big freighters lined up to head into port, and those ominous clouds hovering above them.  Yikes.

That was snapped from a moving car so the quality isn’t great, but...anyone else notice there’s a chunk of the bridge missing?  I didn’t notice it when I took the picture, I was too busy looking at those ships.  Doesn’t look big enough to alter the integrity of the structure, but what the heck happened there?  Someone had a bad day.

On a happier note, I’ve got one sunflower fully opened and several nearly there. Aren’t they cheerful? I just love ‘em.

Other things that give me pleasure are clean windows (how’s that for a segue?). My sister turned me on to this fabulous spray cleaner. 

It’s amazing. Even better, it smells wonderful and it’s just $2.50!  I picked up my can at Walmart, I’m sure it’s sold elsewhere.  Anyway, it’s cheap, it leaves windows sparkling and streak-free, and the fragrance smells just like the lobby of the fancy-schmancy Grosvenor House Hotel in London.  No lie.  When we stayed there like the Clampetts a few years back it was one of the best parts of the stay - walking into that lobby and being enveloped in the fragrance.  I didn’t know if it was all of the fresh flowers, some special spray they used, or if that’s what loads of money smells like.  Whatever it was, you can have it in your home for $2.50.  I’m a fan. I’m not a fan of my hair. I mean, that’s not exactly news. It’s been an on-going battle since kindergarten.  I’ve let it grow again, it’s long again, and I look stuck in the 70′s. My hair behaves a little better when it’s long, the weight is like a Thunder Shirt. But I don’t think the length is a friend to my face, I know the style isn’t. To be fair, I go through this every year during July and August.  The height of summer heat and humidity always makes me want to shave my head. I was zipping along just fine in June, it wasn’t even hot.  Right around the 4th of July the sticky heat arrived and my hair lost its dang mind.  I’m walking around looking like this.

So I’m spending lots of time on Pinterest looking at short haircuts.  I’m going to do it it’s just a matter of choosing a style (which won’t work), a place (good luck with that), and screwing up my courage.  We all know this will be a disaster.  It always is.  I don’t think I’ve even once walked into a salon and walked out feeling better.  It’s a generational curse.  But it’s been quite a while since I tempted fate, and I’m feeing so ugly lately anyway, might as well. Best case scenario, I end up with a cute, fresh style that I like. 

 Worst case scenario, I look like Mrs. Claus. 

It’s a safe bet that I have more Mrs. Claus tendencies than I do Helen Mirren tendencies. Darn.  If nothing else maybe it’s just time for a change.  Will I miss the ease of a ponytail or a big hair clip? Yep.  Will I miss this same, old, tired hairstyle? Nope.  Well, maybe.  There’s always comfort in what we know vs the unknown.    Finding a place is daunting.  I called the Ulta salon in Easton thinking that if the haircut sucked then at least I’d be inside Ulta and I could treat myself to a new lipstick or something.  They only have two stylists and a haircut and blowdry is $70.  I will start up the weedeater and let it cut my hair before I pay $70.  I don’t want to go to the salon that I visited in Denton, the owner cut my hair and she was delightful, but the haircut was not.  There are plenty of others in the area, mostly pricey, so I may just have to throw a dart and pick a place.  Or I could spend the rest of my life in a ponytail. Back to Pinterest...

Raise your hand if you’re tired of hearing me talk about my hair.

Told you I didn’t have anything to write about, pretty sure the glass cleaner was the high point of this post.  I think I’ll head upstairs and soak in a bubble bath and lose myself in a book - a book where the main character has perfect hair. I hope that your week has been a delight so far.  I hope that you have had at least one good laugh and at least two moments of pure pleasure.  If not, hey, it’s only Tuesday!  There’s plenty of time. Sending out loads of love tonight. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

monthly media recap: may 2023

the lusty month of May! this one is gonna be long

read:

The Terror by Arthur Machen - a properly unsettling short novel about strange murders happening in England and Wales during World War II. I gotta say, I think the narrator is wrong :D as in, based on the story, I have a slightly different opinion on the cause of what happened

The Great Return by Arthur Machen - a novella about the reappearance of the Holy Grail in a small Welsh village; short, but beautiful

The Empty House and Other Ghost Stories by Algernon Blackwood - not bad apart from, as usual, certain period-typical yikes, but after Machen and M.R. James it just doesn't seem as good, and the endings to many stories felt too abrupt to me. However, I am a big fan of the character whose rooms were haunted by his friend's ghost, so he went to his other friend's place to study because "there's no hallucination about that exam; I must pass that whatever happens."

Issues No. 1-3 of the Hellebore zine - yep, still reading this, still in an absolutely random order. Witch trials, poison plants, the cult of Pan and other good shit; I've bookmarked the names of some books I might give a try later. I feel like the articles in earlier issues were more, uh, informal and essay-like and became more scientific as the zine continued to be released, which I think is a good change tbh

Temeraire series, Books 4-7 (Empire of Ivory, Victory of Eagles, Tongues of Serpents, and Crucible of Gold) by Naomi Novik - hell yeah! I started this series in 2019 (I believe?), read the first three books, loved them, but then kind of forgot to continue. Catching up on it now and greatly enjoying the alternate history (in very broad strokes: Napoleonic wars with sentient DRAGONS in the air force), constant adventures, anti-colonialist themes, and the extremely likeable cast.

+ progress on Lancelot-Grail: done with The Quest for the Holy Grail, The Death of Arthur, and the first part of Post-Vulgate (The Merlin Continuation). Currently reading the Post-Vulgate version of the Grail quest and Book 8 of of Temeraire - Blood of Tyrants

watched:

Daisy Jones & The Six (2023) - there were changes in comparison to the book that I liked (loved Simone's storyline in the show, for example) and that I disliked. I think the novel and the adaptation work together best. The soundtrack is amazing, and the original songs are very good even out of context

Valkoinen peura / The White Reindeer (1952) - older horror films often are more haunting than the newer ones despite limited special effects and mostly relying on things like lighting and music - or maybe because of that - and this Finnish film is a good example of that. God forbid women do anything (turn into a murderous reindeer)

November (2017) - fascinating folk horror set in 19th century Estonia - mundane magic, deals with the devil, and the unrequited love no spells can fix. Beautiful and sad and very well-made

Yellowjackets (season 2, 2021-?) - AAAAAAA!!! I know many people found this season much worse than s1, but I honestly enjoyed it, even if I didn't agree with all decisions (they better do something unexpected about Van's cancer, or I'll be mad). The finale is devastating, but I kinda expected that to happen :( it was one of the most likely character deaths. Alas, the only one of these women I'd be ready to let go is the one who's certainly not dying unless they all die in the end (which is not that unlikely, I guess). Anyway, this is one of my favourite shows at the moment, and I'm really excited for season 3 (and the mysterious bonus episode?..)

2022 Omniverse Rewatch + Episode Ranking

Part 4: Arc 4

assorted thoughts and observations:

• This is just a wild way to start a season, really. • Are you sure, Ben? • Also, I see they updated the intro to have teen Ben’s Feedback design. • And what exactly do they want? • I still love that they got Jim Cummings in this episode. • How does Max know about the fleas? • These idiots. • Well that can’t be good. • You can order different things, you know. • Okay, that’s a good one. • This guy really sucks. • Yeah I’m sorry I don’t have more notes on this one, it’s just real weird. • Wouldn’t expect Albedo to use incorrect grammar. • It would be neat to see Albedo have a version of Ben’s Omniverse hoodie in his colors. • Also never thought I’d see this guy again. • Albedo is goofing up just enough that it’s believable he’s Ben. • It would also be interesting if Rook knew this was Albedo, but was going along with his pretending to be Ben because he wanted to see what Albedo would do. • You know a lot, obviously. • That portrait is still outstanding. • Nobody eats chili fries like that. • Yeah, he has the wrong colored Omnitrix to be Albedo. • Rook should definitely know something is up. • So why is his Omnitrix the same color as Ben’s? • Man, poor Ben, and Rook honestly. That sucks. • Why does she need a containment suit? • Do you ever shut up? • Albedo as Goop looks really cool. • As does I can’t spell his name. • Oh hell yeah, Argit. • Classic alien abduction style. • God, I missed Khyber. • And of course Khyber’s used to his coworkers constantly shit-talking Azmuth. • I was just about to ask, did they just steal from a museum or a library? Okay, so it’s museum, nice. • Also to be completely fair to them, some museums do have excellent weapons displays. • How about actually using some of those weapons? • Wait, so Ben seriously has a flip phone? • Aww, so this isn’t the first time that Ben has brought Rook over to his house. • Also I guess he doesn’t go home that often? Like, does the Plumber base have a bed for him, or something? How often does he sleep? • Then what exactly is it? • Is she serious about that? • So you are saying you’re dumb. • Did Ben just slide into the Plumber base? • Like Ben, I think Bloxx is a good choice. He is neat. • You have 14 Necrofriggian children, Ben. Come on. • Wait, is that a real thing? • I can think of something that would match that description. • Okay, that is pretty funny. • I love Rob Paulsen so much. • Who even builds a train track that goes up that high? • Take that hat off, Ben, there’s probably something gross in it. • Rook has the right idea. • That’s nice. • So this version of the theme song has more sound effects. • Maybe he’d be quicker with the info if you would care to listen to him. • Don’t you remember? • That’s real creepy. • Also, if it’s going to be all electrical aliens like I remember it being this episode, they definitely could have had Brainstorm, and then also did a proper flashback with Malware, so Corey could be in it as two characters. • So Max cares about Phil’s condition but not another character who definitely suffered and was in a lot of pain? • And I know it isn’t in this order in terms of production of course, but airing it as the last episode of the season does kind of match with/foreshadow the Galactic Monsters arc to come (like it has the same vibe), which is cool. • “Magister Tennyson’s monster” does that really describe him? • Not gonna hold him for long, judging by the amount of time left in this episode • Again, major props to Rob Paulsen, he’s doing a very good job! • Also funny that he mentions Patelliday, given who voices him as well. • “we’re not Cerebrocrustaceans” oh come on. • Ben, please chill. • I was just going to mention Kevin, yeah. • Appreciation for how Shocksquatch has a Canadian accent, and is voiced by a Canadian. • Oh YIKES • Well shit, this does make episode 3 more relevant. • And that makes sense. • But without them, what’s powering Undertown? • Poor Max. • I guess this is when he hooks up with the Rooters? Unless he was with them before finding a way back to Earth. • What are you even doing? • Also, why is he in Plumber jail? He’s just a regular guy, right • Oh yeah, I guess Yuri isn’t in this episode. • Uh, Zs’skayr did this once, and it definitely didn’t work. And yeah, he did it too. • Kind of impossible to keep him away from it, if they’re driving towards it. • Also, maybe letting it get destroyed wouldn’t be such a bad thing? Given what it is. • Also also, maybe it’s not the best idea to mention Malware to him? Not sure how long after the Feedback thing it is. Or maybe it’s before that? I don’t know. • You didn’t get the point of what they were trying to say, Ben. • Okay, that was funny. • Could’ve at least gotten out of the Rustbucket. • Well that’s clever. • So when exactly did Gwen’s magic change color? • It would’ve been neat if at some point, it turned yellow, because that was its color in the 10K timeline. • Why’d he call her Ben? • Wildmutt is so tiny! Or at least he looks tiny here. • Of course they’re tech support • Is climbing that thing really that much of an effort? • I love how that line was read. • And when were those systems last upgraded? • Didn’t she pronounce it differently last time? I guess that would make sense, if you want similar spells to have different effects, like in the OS. • He has a point. • Just eat the helmet! • So what does Upchuck’s poop do? • I still don’t get the episode title. • That guy has a great design. • Gosh, this is really the season of “Rob Paulsen is great/has a ton of range”, isn’t it? • I like that Jimmy has the UAF jacket.

• So Steve Ahn is an actual guy, who did in fact work as a storyboard artist on this episode and many others in this show, and worked on other shows like Generator Rex, Legend of Korra, V*ltr*n (Legendary Defender), Guardians of the Galaxy, the 2012 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ben 10 Ultimate Alien, and recently directed episodes of Star Trek Prodigy and The Boys Presents: Diabolical. Very cool. • If I had a nickel for every “haz cheeseburger” reference in this series despite that being a big popular thing about six or seven years before this show aired… well, we’ll get there. • “bloag” vs “blob”, choose your fighter • Of course aliens would know and hate those guys. • Insert other conspiracy theory about frogs here. • If they’re not metal, then what are they? • So what would you call him, if you don’t consider him a nerd? • “medieval minds” is a great phrase • It does make a lot of sense that Harangue would work with the Knights. • Tim Curry is great, as well. • I’m sorry, HIGHBREED pulse generator? Genuinely didn’t catch that before now. • How many aliens live on Earth and not in Undertown? • Would that even work? • “reheated leftovers” is a very good way to describe them. • Not wrong. • Those are alien cows? Also this is good teamwork, I like it. • Never say “impossible” to Ben. • So how old is Jimmy at this point? • Uh. Yikes. • “ignore my calls” so are they dating or something • Forever Nuts is a great name for them • Yes, Ben! • “ah, the classics” aww I like that • Again, excellent teamwork this episode. • Actually, yeah, if he couldn’t get Gray Matter, that was a very good alternative. • “America the Beautiful” plays” oh my god

• FORESHADOWING! Harangue is the one who supports the Vengers, isn’t he? • Man, what perfect karma for him, I love it. • I will never get tired of Ben’s motorcycle, it’s very cool. • That’s nice of him. • He even has a 10 on the keychain. • For a second, XLR8 had his 10-year-old design. • That can’t be good. • “Have a good time at the car show… but not too good a time.” What, is she expecting him to fuck a car? • So glad nobody has to actually go through any toilets. • Gosh, Gwen has a sad cat poster on her bedroom wall. • Is that not your only shirt? At least for now. • Lucy is a cutie pie. • This really is the Rob Paulsen season, isn’t it. • “There’s a traitor among us” someone please do that edit. • So how old do you have to be to enter Plumber Academy? • Also don’t be insensitive, Max. • That’s a real scary face, Gwen. • Wait, is that actually how they’re related? • Wouldn’t that make them not really cousins? • Why was that your line to begin with? • Gwen is so powerful • How does Ben know about the borrowed shirt thing? • Also I guess Ben now has a smartphone? • She didn’t like Kevin for another 4 years, come on. • Of course it’s that thing again. • That’s a very cool ship design. • Did he mean to rhyme? • So she’s been taking judo since she was 7? • Oh my god, Ben. • Why the emphasis on that phrase? • First of all, it is cool to have two episodes being linked and taking place at the same time in different locations • Also I do really like the look of the Null Void here? I just think it’s neat. I don’t remember how it looks in the other versions, but this one is cool. • Awwww, tiny Argit! • And what’s wrong with cell phones? • The proto-tool isn’t just a weapon. • Of course he’s here. • What does a Plumber look like, exactly? Also what does “depending on the configuration” mean. • Oh my god, is Argit jealous • Wasn’t that technically Albedo’s idea? • In only that definition of “straight”. • I would’ve liked to have seen an episode about that. • How many times has Ben said that word? • Otto: “Quite a remarkable vehicle you have here. It would be a shame if something happened to it.” *turns it into a giant robot* • So the transformer… LITERALLY turns it into a Transformer. I don’t think that’s how it works in real cars, but it’s still cool. • I mean, if you couldn’t go for a pun that would probably get you sued, this is the next best thing, because the actual meaning of the word “gestalt” is very accurate. • Again, incredibly nice of Azmuth to teleport you there at all. Also, never mind I think Ben could’ve just contacted Azmuth through the Omnitrix, that makes sense. • “it’s hard enough just getting him to return a message” how many messages have you left on Azmuth’s answering machine, Ben? • What would he want with a star system? Can you buy the stars? • UPGRADE! YEAH THAT’S MY BOY! • I mean I love Diamondhead and Heatblast too, they’re probably my top 3 OG series aliens. But gosh Upgrade is cool. • He has a point. • OH HELL YEAH • If anyone wanted to know what Ben as a Cybertronian would look like, there’s your answer, kind of. • I do wish that would’ve been more explored, what he thinks of Galvanic Mechamorphs and all. • Also it feels weird that he’d have an “11” on him instead of a “10”, but I guess that’s just because he’s using Kevin’s car. • Damn, Ben did the Malware move. • Every time. • Couldn’t he just break it off into pieces and sell those? • Do the colors look different, or is it just me? • Also I guess Khyber knocked him out again. • Again x2, I think this would’ve been an excellent opportunity for Ben to use Upgrade, because he has no “natural predator”, only for the Nemetrix to turn Khyber’s new pet into a more feral version of Malware. • I mean, Albedo and Ben have the same DNA while Albedo is in human form, so I don’t know if that would help. • So is Azmuth not answering Max’s calls because he was captured? • Also again, I guess this is the episode where Albedo learns about Malware being kept in the Galvan museum, because there’s no other time he could’ve learned that before teaming up with Vilgax to take his remains and have Vilgax wear his corpse as armor. • It is weird that aside from Ditto’s, we don’t see any new predators in these two episodes. • Also I guess there was some time in between last episode and this one, so Rook got his truck repaired? • Hathor? Very interesting name for a planet. • Max is right. • Yipes. • So which one is the original? • Is that all the predators in the Nemetrix, period? • Ben getting his Katniss Everdeen moment. • I still think it’s so funny that an episode where Ben is trapped in an arena, hunted down by a bunch of creatures, and ultimately escapes by making a hole in the “sky” which is really just the roof of a big dome, aired the day after Catching Fire’s premiere, a movie wherein the same thing happens to its heroine. Also, Catching Fire is just really fucking great, as a movie or as a book. • Albedo wouldn’t be satisfied with that. • So when is Eric Bauza going to play MODOK? • They’ve come so far, it’s really nice. • I definitely remember these lines being in trailers. • Of course, Feedback again. • Khyber going all Vanna White here. • The way he said that is just really funny to me. Also, if anyone can find any interviews that Rene did where he mentioned playing Azmuth, please let me know. • Uh, don’t you say in Malgax Attacks that you always plan ahead, and that’s why you’re the First Thinker? • That looks incredibly uncomfortable. • Smarter than Azmuth, you’d think. • So why is his intelligence presented in that way? • And how do you know so much about Galvan brains? • That’s not good. • What a big explosion. • I don’t think Rook’s truck can take much more of that without being repaired. • Let me guess, and pocket change? • This is incredibly important. • Also, I would’ve appreciated getting to see some more ultimates from Albedo? Besides Arcticguana and Gravattack, and Rath who we’ll see later on. • This just reminds me of the headcanon of Ben being a Ke$ha fan. • Maybe Ben would have a Tiktok? Although I guess he’s on the youngest Millennial/oldest Gen-Z side, since he’d be a little older than me if his timeline roughly lines up with our own. • Again, I really wish Dadzmuth had shown up at some point. And I wish we’d have learned more about Azmuth’s parents. • He does look very cool. • I love Kevin so much. • Why do you even need glasses? • “I am no man’s quarry” yes, but you’re now actually a woman’s quarry. • That does make a lot of sense. Although I don’t think it was a good idea for you to just straight-up eat Khyber’s new pet. • Oh that does look cool. • Did Pesky Dust just almost do the Sailor Moon pose • Okay, I do kind of love this, and would like to see an official AU where Khyber joins the team even though it is I guess his nightmare/dream/whatever here. (or another one where Malware does, for obvious reasons). Also it’s doubly hilarious because David Kaye does voice Max in the reboot. • And we know how much Khyber loves trophies. • Oh hey, it does come back! • We love a man who drinks his respect women juice in this house. • He feels power building inside him and sees a world that only he can create. They really are more similar than Albedo would have thought. • I love that, at the halfway point of this series, we have this moment, where Albedo acknowledges that this is an Omniverse. Which of course will come up later, and we’ll see it in 10 more episodes. • Also how cool would it have been if we did have Albedo literally say the words Malware did, and have him realize that they’ve become so similar? Also I’m sorry that I keep bringing up Malware, I just think he’s neat and had a lot of potential. • So why exactly was he with Vilgax and Eon and the other Bens? • ATOMIX! • Ben just yeets them into the sky • Not every time, Ben. Come on. • How much does Ben call Azmuth? • So he did get his truck fixed. • You had to ask, didn’t you?

Arc 4 rankings: 1. Max’s Monster 2. A Fistful of Brains 3. Return to Forever 4. For a Few Brains More 5. Mud is Thicker than Water 6. The Ultimate Heist 7. OTTO-Motives 8. Evil’s Encore 9. Food Around the Corner 10. O Mother, Where Art Thou?

Basic thoughts: So, this was a really weird season? I feel like we probably could’ve used one more arc episode, with Albedo meeting Khyber and teaming up with him, fleshing out where Albedo’s been since we saw him in Ultimate Alien and what Khyber’s been doing since we last saw him in Showdown part 1. I was surprised at how much I really liked my top episode this season, I didn’t remember it much but it was great! Return to Forever was also really, really good, and I liked that we got an interconnected pair of episodes in this season as well, even if it wasn’t connected to the main arc. I think this is also when we start getting 3-episode arcs, which is fine, but I’d still prefer 4 per season. We also get a classic Animo episode, a very strange season premiere, and an episode that’s funny but unconnected to anything else here.

Original rankings: 1. A Fistful of Brains 2. For a Few Brains More 3. Max’s Monster 4. OTTO-Motives 5. The Ultimate Heist 6. Mud is Thicker than Water 7. Return to Forever 8. Evil’s Encore 9. Food Around the Corner 10. O Mother, Where Art Thou?

CHARACTER ROLES

First and foremost, I think it’s important to share the roles of every character. (Note that this was originally-and still-written to be meloghia centric, though the larger story does not heavily involve them..)

GHIACCIO

A prince. He lives in the southern woods fully intending to be alone. He is hiding there from his parents, since he has difficulties following the lifestyle he is supposed to and has never met someone he doesn’t get into a conflict with. He has a bad reputation among his territory and among people in general- he is taken as a joke, or as someone people’d say “yikes” about on the street. But don’t get mixed up- He loves his solitude and has become self sufficient, not wanting anyone to get in his way. His goal is to stay away from people and live a free life.

MELONE

Another prince. Manipulative asshole. He is currently reported missing in his own territory, as he was cursed and temporarily turned into a frog by southern woods witch Risotto Nero. This was a punishment for “disrupting the peace of the forest” (he went around and slept with the wrong people and created relationship drama.)

Melone was engaged as a prince but ran off with no intent of getting married, especially in an arranged marriage. He is different to Ghiaccio, though. He is more than competent in all his princely duties, even being considered talented by the kingdom. Even so he often gets into trouble or disobeys his parents, which he is not ashamed of. He has a very good reputation for his looks and performance, even with his known shady behavior (things like his affairs and his drug use.) He has little concern for other people. His goal is to have fun and live a free life.

FORMAGGIO

Formaggio is a hunter in the southern woods. He was born to a human family, but for reasons he can’t remember lives in a cabin alone. He is uncivilized, not afraid to eat raw meat or relieve himself when he feels. He is not ashamed and has no intention to change how he lives. His goals are unknown. He is not just a dumb man he is feral and will run on all fours he is seriously strange

ILLUSO

Illuso is a frog that Melone befriended while under his curse. He is, strangely, much smarter and decent than the other frogs. He was perfectly capable of keeping up with Melone’s human self. Once Melone was transformed back, he took Illuso with him. Illuso is always disappearing and reappearing out of nowhere, and often eavesdrops. His goal is to learn.

PROSCIUTTO

Prosciutto is an elf, and a worker at “The House of Broken Hearts.” He thinks the name is corny, but Risotto Nero, the owner, does not. Prosciutto simply works there and follows Risotto’s orders. He wants to support him in any way he can, and does so by taking orders and giving customers nasty looks. His goals are unknown.

PESCI

Pesci lives at The House under the care of Prosciutto. He is a half human half bird creature brought to life by Risotto. One rainy night, there was a shriveled bird on their doorstep. Risotto cast a spell on it to make it into something Prosciutto could take care of (rather than working for him^1) Now, he lives there with Prosciutto and has developed a passion for piano. He entertains the guests. He hopes to become an even stronger pianist, but also hopes to have a family.

RISOTTO NERO

Risotto is the only creature of his kind. He has gray skin, white hair, red eyes and ears that point out. He is a witch, and is extremely talented with magic. He runs a bar, which also offers certain magic services. In the forest community it’s known that you go there when you are not at peace, or when you find yourself “broken hearted.” Then he will perform magic based on your situation-and while this magic may not make sense initially, it always achieves it’s goal in the end. His goals are unknown.

SORBET AND GELATO

Sorbet and Gelato are two kooks in the woods. They are proficient fortune tellers, and if brought materials and a fee can give you your future or some advice. They have a history with Risotto. Their goals are only to live together and be crazy. And to make money.

SEASON FINAL LIVE BLOG!!

YO! I'm exhausted....BUT THERE'S NO STOPPING THIS TRAIN! HERE WE GO GUYS! I HOPE YOU'LL ALL AS TOTALLY UNPREPARED AS I AM!!

Spoilers ahead, as usual.

Oh and very probably cussing.

Look at all those broken bits. How many plates were there originally? and why are all the others broken?

oof...infighting...great start

AND NOW WE KNOW WHY SHE'S MITTINS!! I was so hoping we'd find that out :D

Hm...

*insert various expressions of disgust and probably in-poor-taste cool aid jokes*

And we're still NOT seeing the new sigil Eda is supposed to have. Oh! she was covering it up. Ok, that's answered.

I'm nervous....

Oh that isn't good...that isn't good! He knows...

Interesting spell circle

And THERE'S the double cross we all knew was coming. Also now outfit bitch-los...

His face...

Guess he doesn't have to play nice anymore...yikes.

Duh, he's a liar! I can't believe anyone could spend hundreds of years with that scumbag and never figure it out.

YES! LUZ USING MAMA'S MOVE!

So Hunter's sigil *is* real.

XD SMACK!

Aw, don't beat yourself up, dude. You thought you were doing something good...

ooooh, caught.

wow...Also ew...and yikes...

THEY SCUFFED UP RAINE! SO HELP ME I SWEAR!!

NO! NO! FUCK YOU! nO!!!!TGFRUJHIU

Ew...

O.O

"Witch Hunter General" what a bitch. I can't believe he's even expecting a single human to go with that.

XD "Yikes my dude" XD

gross

HAHA!! Oh but still not good...

no...nonono...

Oh...WOW...ew...wow...ew...

No no! Oh god!

WHOA! I don't like how he moves! Like a weird spider or something...

A child from the stars?

Hm. So Kikimora gets to help. There's *that* at least, I suppose.

MANIPULATIVE MOTHER FUCKER!!!!

OH MY GOD! His name really *was* Caleb! oh my god... AND FLAPJACK REALLY WAS HIS!! OH MY GOSH! CONFIMATION!!!

oh wow...that's morbid... That's. a. LOT. of grimwalkers... geez that's fucked up...

THAT SYMBOL HIDES THEM!!!

Clever clever little boy.

Oh...Not sure this is a good idea...but this *is* a rock and a hard place.

Oooh, I don't think I like where this is going... I'm sure the collector was locked away for a reason... Oh this cannot end well...

OH THAT'S WIERD! at least it's something?

oh!... I...don't know what I was expecting...but I'm still very surprised... really glad all you collector!luz possession theorists were wrong though XD I didn't *NOT* want to see that.

WHY IS HE SO POWERFUL?! This is definitely bad...

XD Hunter is NOT having a good time.

oh i don't like this

ah...don't like that either

grand...just...grand...

L O K I R O L E P L A Y V A R I A N T S

Getting settled again after the chaos of the past year got between me and my muse, I find myself back at it. I'm mostly on Discord these days but looking to expand a little.

As a jumping-off point, these are the versions of Loki I generally play, all at different points in his development. Hopefully, it’ll give you a good idea of what you’ll be getting from me if you say, “I wanna RP with Loki from Ragnarok,” or “I want it to take place before Thor 1”...

PRINCE IN EXILE (Thor: Ragnarok)

A party that never stops with a host that never dies! This is Loki during his time on Sakaar with the Grandmaster before Thor arrived. Sometimes he needs a break from the madness and stupidity, but mostly he just succumbs to the warm, electric glow of constant stimuli and zero judgment. Drugs, booze, fashion, gambling, games, stories, pranks, you name it, he’s up for it. Sowing his wild oats and getting up to misadventures he’d never dare on Asgard or in the company of anyone who ‘knew him when.’ If you’re looking for a party, this is the Loki variant with the least inhibitions.

Morality: Slim to None

As far as this Loki is concerned, the past and future are gone. Nothing means anything, don’t look back or make plans. Get your kicks while you can. He’ll do anything to get his way, but for the first time in his life, he doesn’t want all that much. A cheap shadow of his former self, he won’t admit to who he is or where he comes from.

Shipping Temp: Hot and Cold, Open and Closed

If all you’re looking for is a Loki who’s DTF, this is your dude. He’s got little else to give, however, as he doesn’t have the courage for emotional engagement. Distraction is the name of the game. Easy to hold, hard to keep. Big into novelty and experimentation. Lonelier than advertised.

THE GOD OF MISCHIEF (pre-Thor 1)

This is the original recipe Loki of a few decades ago, the one who’s still in his brother’s shadow, his mother’s apron strings, and under his father’s thumb. An insecure, playful, sheltered, clever, powerful godling who doesn’t quite know his own strength yet. He’s too smart for his own good, and really just wants a lot of attention and fun.

Morality: Scamp

Even when this Loki is up to no good, he doesn’t mean anything by it. He’s got a good heart but he’s still a prince, spoiled and a little naive. His intelligence leads to bordem, bordem leads to mischeif. He will usually do the wrong thing, but his heart’s not in it. Just a bit of fun.

Basically, he’s a kid playing with matches. 

Shipping Temp: Florida

I wouldn’t try to ship with this Loki, especially if your muse is female. He’s a little… much, prone to bad poetry and losing his head over a crush. He still attributes too much meaning to physical intimacy – a kiss is the beginning or the end of the world. And while his time at the Hall of Learning may have taught him a thing or two about lads, he’s not deeply knowledgable about ladies.

GLORIOUS TANTRUM (Avengers)

The Loki who attacked New York, in a nasty emotional place and writing checks his ass can’t cash. Global conquest? The taste of blood? The sound of screams? Yikes. It’s too late to talk him out of it, so just kneel before your King, already. No, all the way. 

Keep going. 

Morality: Broken

What happens when an unstoppable sense of entitlement meets an immovable inferiority complex?

Soaked with grief and adrenaline, Loki’s grasp of right and wrong has gone slicker than snot on a doorknob. It’s tempting to view him as merely under a spell, enslaved to a bigger bad, or even just a thundering looney, but that would be too simple. Something’s still working the bellows. But he’s not about to introspect as to what it is.

This Loki’s on top of the world and doesn’t dare look down. There’s no point in trying to reason with him and agreeing with him is a dangerous game. Still, there’s a glimmer of pain and vulnerability underneath it all. Deep down, he’s still himself. A runaway, waiting for someone to find him and bring him home.

Shipping Temp: Below Zero

Sorry, “kneel before him” is not a kink, it’s a resume. This Loki is too shook to let anyone near him in any way remotely intimate without a fight, and the suggestion of someone fool enough to want that would be an invitation to cruel and unusual mayhem. Buuuut he still has a heart, if the fool can find it.

tl;dr, sexual domination and global domination are neither sisters nor twins.

BORN AGAIN (Loki Series)

Picture this: you’ve just lost everything you’ve ever loved and everything you’ve ever hated, and everything you’ve ever wanted, run from, or wondered over. Watched your whole world burn, realized everything you know is wrong, and seen that your dreams are hollow and naught but ash. Who are you now?

Once again, Loki finds himself orphaned and left to die by an indifferent universe, but another twist of fate scoops him out of the cold. Empathetic analyst and scamp expert Mobius M. Mobius recruits this comparatively cuddly Loki variant to hunt the Very Dangerous Variant, Sylvie.

Morality: Rebooted

So now what? Most people would be frustrated starting over from square one, but considering the baggage he’s been hauling, this Loki variant is actually in a better spiritual place than before, ready to learn and share and hug and grow. He’s still a trickster, of course, and he’s a little dizzy from having his mind blown, but he’ll be okay. He’s healing. 

Shipping Temp: Picnic Weather

This variant has been broken in, won over, acclimatized. Shown acceptance and affection, given kindness, security and understanding. Taught, in spite of himself, to trust someone enough to let himself be pet on his little kitty head. And he’s finally learned to introspect! This is huge.

I can’t stress enough how important it was that Loki made a real friend before he was ready for romance. He’s got all the enthusiasm for love of his younger, more innocent self, but with a healthy dose of perspective on the course of his life and the humility that comes from being shown that the greatest power in the universe isn't his daddy.

I won’t go so far as to say that he finally has empathy or that he’s totally learned his lesson, but the drive to serve others – not just to win their regard and attention, but out of pure affection – is brand-spankin’ new.

TVA Loki is the most shippable variant; die mad.

THE REGENCY ERA (Crossed Worlds)

Based on the version of Loki I developed for Crossed Worlds, this is a variant from a timeline where Thanos didn’t make it (long story) and it was Ronan the Accuser who set Loki on his path to conquer earth. As such, Ronan getting offed in GotG meant Loki never had to pay his debt, so he and the other Asgardians made it to earth in one piece.

It wasn’t long before Thor wanted to go play hero with his little mortal friends again, leaving Loki in charge of the settlement as Prince Regent. He’s gone to great pains to build New Asgard into a divine arcadia, and his influence can be felt in the settlement’s solid infrastructure, appreciation for the arts, and strong traditional values. Still under the all-watchful eye of Heimdall and surveilled by the Security Council, Loki will occasionally scarper off to New York to play Batman in back alleys.

After everything he’s done and lost, he’s feeling nostalgic for his old life and culture, the dreams he left behind in those halcyon days of *checks records* 2010. Despite the major divergence from the canon timeline, this Loki is still as canon as possible.

Morality: Goodish

He’s trying to do better for his brother’s sake, but he’s not to be trusted. He wants to be a hero and be lauded like an Avenger, but he doesn’t like to introspect, as that might lead to guilty bummer-thoughts.

Shipping Temp: Simmer

Do not expect this Loki to kiss on the first date as his time as a party favor on Sakaar did a number on him. But he’s a variant inclined toward traditional romance – his childhood home is gone forever, so the idea of a good, old-fashioned courtship (with a dashing blade or lady fair) just like the one Little Loki always imagined he’d have one day? Would knock his socks off.

But I can’t overstate how much he needs time on this.

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8.27

Stop of course I heard from “Johnny” today. All of a sudden he spells his name with an h despite him literally spelling it with no h when we first started all this

That’s all beside the point. Our conversation was trash. I shouldn’t have even replied. I don’t think I want to reply anymore. All I want to do is tell him what he’s doing wrong but like… I shouldn’t have to so why even bother. Plenty of people out there won’t need to say “my b” because they’ll be actively trying to avoid those types of situations because they won’t want to mess it up.

Like yikes. Honestly yikes.

He can’t give me what I want. If he even halfway wanted to try he either 1) WOULD or 2) he’d ask specifically what it’s gonna take and then guess what…. HE’D DO IT LOL

It’s not gonna be him. That’s fine. I just wish whoever it is could pop up. No rush obvs I’m just so darn curious.

I just wanna know their name and what they look like. Lol. Why did the name Jared pop into my head just now? Weird.

Just curious. I’m gonna let it all come to me. The universe knows I’m open. But I really don’t want to have to go out of my way to search. It will come naturally and we’ll just know.

every time meredith posts an instagram story with brian i get 10% softer

Slashers Ranked: Spelling and Handwriting

-Billy Lenz: 5/10. He's not going to win any spelling bees anytime soon, but he's satisfied with his abilities. As for handwriting? Let's...not talk about it.

-RZ Michael Myers: 6/10. Okay listen. He can spell. His handwriting though? Yikes big guy. If his handwriting was legible, you'd be able to figure out what he was writing

-1978 Michael Myers: ???/10. What are you? A cop? Michael knows he can spell, but it's apparently none of our business

- Bo Sinclair: 6/10. Once again with the handwriting.... I've always liked the hc that Bo is a voracious reader. Like I really like it. I think that because he reads, he's also a fairly solid speller. His problem? His handwriting looks a hell of a lot like his dad's

- Vincent Sinclair: 3/10. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just think that Vincent writes too quick to double check his spelling. He probably knows how to spell, but you'd never be able to tell because he'll scribble his typo ridden note to self, then go back to doing what he was doing.

- Lester Sinclair: 7/10. Lester's score comes from the fact he works for the state. Does this mean he's going to win any spelling bees any time soon? No. But he can spell well enough to fill out whatever stupid reports have to be filled out.

-Jason Voorhees: 5/10. Listen, Jason can't spell for shit. He really does work at it. Most people can't tell that Jason can't spell because he'll use synonyms. You only really realize it when he gives you a grocery list that says 'popcorn seeds' instead of popcorn kernels.

-Brahms Heelshire: 9/10. The little shit can spell, okay? His parents probably made sure of it. And is handwriting? You expected childish scrawls considering his behavior, but it's actually very neat and almost pretty.

-Thomas Hewitt: 10/10. Luda Mae made sure that Thomas could spell and not only can he spell, he has the best handwriting out of any slasher on this list second only to

- Bubba Sawyer: 10/10. Depending on which line you follow, Bubba had either Verna or Drayton on his ass about spelling and handwriting through his entire childhood and well into adulthood.

- Pavi Largo: 2/10. He can not spell for shit. That being said? He has beautiful swirling handwriting. "Pavi, you know there's an e in the word heart, right?"

"Do I kare?"

- Luigi Largo: 9/10. Really neat handwriting and really solid spelling. He handles a lot of contracts and he takes great pride in it.

- Amber Sweet: -1/10. She'll text you and blame autocorrect if there's a typo. Her actual handwriting is nearly illegible and she can't spell.

- Graverobber: -8/10. Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you. Graverobber had really neat handwriting and it's completely legible, but then he mixes numbers in with the letters because fuck you, that's why. Spells like a late 2000's scene kid.

-Amanda Young 5/10. She really does have decent handwriting and her spelling isn't bad. She's honestly just middle of the line here.

- Leslie Vernon 3/10. Okay listen, I hc Leslie as dyslexic (I'm also dyslexic, let me have this) and sometimes spelling is really hard. He knows what he's trying to write, his handwriting is good, but bless this man, his spelling is not great.

- Charlie Hewitt: you would think, as another one of Luda Mae's boys, that he would also have good spelling and good handwriting. You'd be wrong. 5/10. Charlie didn't care much for the lessons and he can spell and his handwriting is legible, but it is no where NEAR Thomas's level.

- Drayton Sawyer: 9/10. His handwriting isn't as good as Bubba's, but his spelling is definitely on par. He takes a fair amount of pride in his penmanship.

- Asa Emory: 7/10. Please hear me out here. Asa has really neat handwriting and can spell scientific names all day long. Technical terms? No problem. Do not ask him to spell the word refrigerator. He can't do it.

-Daniel Robitaille: 8/10. Okay so I saw the original Candyman very recently and my gut instinct is that he can spell and that his handwriting is really really good. And no, not just good for having a hook hand. Good. Period.

- Lawrence Oleander: 6/10 or 1/10. I imagine his handwriting as very neat when he's calm and the scrawling of a mad man when he's not. As for spelling? He's fairly good at it when he's focused on what he's doing.

- Strade: It's complicated/10. Okay so here's my thought process here. Strade is a serial killer. My guess is, he changes up his handwriting every now and again. Sometimes he's an elite speller with carefully swirling letters, and others, it's chicken scratch where ds and bs and ps and qs all look the same. The general consensus is that Strade writes however it suits him and the situation he's in.

Don’t Gotta Work it Out

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: A particularly nasty fight rattles your relationship with Loki. Even as both of you wonder if you’re not meant to work things out, you long to be in each other’s arms. But can you make amenjds before your hope is gone? Warnings: mentions of depression; angst, some more angst, then a lot more angst, and finally a fluffy ending A/N: inspired by the song Don’t Gotta Work it Out by Fitz and the Tantrums. I’m experimenting with a new style, so flashbacks in italics! Hope you enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @lokistan​ @lowkeyorlokificrecs​ @gaitwae​ @whatafuckingdumbass​ @castiels-majestic-wings​ @kozkaboi​ @cozy-the-overlord​ @birdgirl90​ @myraiswack​

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

Loki had signed himself up for the mission before the words even left Tony’s mouth. He didn’t care where he was going or what he was doing, just so long as he was away from you. You’d gotten into a fight—a bad one. Somehow, Loki’s way of dealing with it was running away. Whether that was because of pride, pettiness, or cowardice, he wasn’t really sure. Then again, he was avoiding thinking about it as much as possible.

“I have volunteered for a mission,” he told you, the sentence short and clipped as he entered your shared quarters. “I leave at midnight.”

“Oh,” you replied, rolling over on your bed so you were facing your boyfriend. He’d already grabbed his bag and started packing. “That’s nice.”

A small hum of acknowledgement was all he made in the way of a response. He perched on the edge of the bed as he tugged on his boots. Right as he finished with the last buckle and was making ready to stand, your arms suddenly encircled his waist. For a minute, the room was filled with hesitation and quiet breathing, a spell of tension only broken when Loki’s hand alighted on top of yours. Not to say everything was fixed between you two, but the anxious energy in the room calmed a bit.

“Just... Come back safe, ok?” you said, your voice so soft, it just barely registered in his mind.

“Alright,” he whispered back. Your forehead rested in between his shoulder blades, and his thumb involuntarily began rubbing small circles on your skin. “I will.”

How Loki wished for more, for the passionate kisses that you usually shared before a mission. But he knew that wasn’t going to happen now. It might even be wrong considering how mad you were at each other, everything you’d said. Though, if it really was wrong, Loki didn’t think he much would have minded; it still would have felt good. Felt normal. Not like whatever messed up situation you were in right now.

You and the trickster god had been dating for over a year and, as any couple would, had a few squabbles. But nothing like what you’d gone through the other day. Loki shuddered now, just thinking about it. It started out stupid, as these things tend to, but turned into something much more serious. He tried to push it from his mind as you placed a featherlight kiss to the base of his neck. Then you pulled away, hugging your knees to your chest. Now it was Loki’s turn to look at you. His hand hovered above your knee for a second before he lost his nerve and let it fall to the mattress.

“I have to go now,” he said. “Take care of yourself.”

You nodded, and Loki walked to the door, looking back at you one last time. You’d already rolled over so your back was to him again, but he could tell you were crying from the way you were breathing. It made his heart break, but all he could do was whisper a small “I love you” and hope you heard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh. You’re awake,” you said, entering your quarters.

“I am,” Loki replied, staring at the fire crackling in the hearth. There was an open book in his lap, and you couldn’t help but wonder how long ago he’d given up on reading in favor of a contemplative trance, looking at the flames. “And you are home now. Are we all caught up?”

“Ok, it’s past someone’s bedtime,” you answered him, catching on to the ice in his voice. “And no, we’re not all caught up. What’s wrong?”

“You could have invited me.”

You’d gone bowling with roughly half the team, only leaving a note for Loki so he knew where you were. You huffed as you tossed your keys onto the dresser. Leaning back on it, you surveyed his face, set in a harsh manner.

“Sorry,” you shrugged. “You were in the shower, and I knew you wouldn’t want to come, anyway.”

“And what if I did?”

“Then, sorry again. You can come next time.”

“Oh, can I now?”

You pushed off the dresser and walked over to him, rubbing his shoulders a little. He didn’t shake you off, but he didn’t relax at all either. You frowned and walked around to the front of the chair, planting yourself in his lap. His arms instinctively wrapped around you, but his face was still stuck in a scowl.

“What’s this really about?” you asked, resting your head on his shoulder.

“It hardly matters.”

You clenched your jaw a bit. You love Loki, but it’s hard to deal with him when he gets like this.

“If you’re going to brush it off,” you said, forcing a smile, “then don’t act so obviously upset and angry. I’m always here to talk, but if you’re not going to, then don’t pick a fight.”

“It seems to me you are the one picking a fight.”

“Yeah, ok. Whatever,” you snapped, standing up. You waited for him to clench his fists or give some sign he was feeling something, but he was as unreadable as ever. “I’ll just never have fun without you. Sound good?”

“You are blowing this out of proportion, darling,” he drawled. “You can calm down.”

“Oh, can I now?” you answered with a smug smile, the petty parts of you egging you on to parrot back his words from earlier.

He sprung up from his chair and approached you fast as lightning. It startled you, and you gasped, walking until your back was against the wall. Loki menaced over you, placing one hand next to your head. He made sure to leave the other side open so you could get away if you really wanted to. You didn’t, instead staring defiantly into his eyes.

“You should,” he growled. “Just invite me next time and drop this nonsense.”

“Wow,” you scoffed, crossing your arms as he made to spin away from you. “Just because no one’s ever cared to listen to you before doesn’t mean you get to make yourself a martyr.”

Your hands immediately flew to your mouth. Loki had shared everything about his past with you. Really and truly, every painful memory. Every ugly, gritty moment. You knew how much stuff like that damaged him. He spun back around, rage plain on his face, and a deep hurt lurking behind his eyes.

“Loki, I’m so sorry,” you said, rushing toward him. “I didn’t mean-”

He put up a hand to stop both your words and approach. “No. I think you did. It is my fault for believing a mortal of all beings could have any depth of understanding, of feeling. For thinking you could love me. The joke is on me, I suppose, hmm?”

He scoffed and stalked toward the door, refusing to let you see the tears in his eyes. He was yanking on the knob before you could even say his name again. The last thing he saw before slamming the door behind him was you crumpling on the ground in a sobbing mess. As he stomped down the hall, his own tears began to pour.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Loki, are you even trying to sleep?” Bruce asked from across the hotel room.

Tony had taken a room for himself and stuck Bruce and Loki together in an adjoining one. Thankfully, it had two beds, but Loki was still a little pissed. Honestly, he’d considered just skipping the hotel and going on a walk, a long walk. Instead, he was laying with his eyes open and glued to the ceiling, reliving the fight in his mind over and over again.

“Yes, Banner, I am,” the god huffed. “I am just not having any success.”

“Is there... something on your mind?” Bruce hesitantly asked. He and Loki were far from best friends, but he figured it would be considerate to ask.

“Actually, there is,” he sighed.

“Do you, uh, want to... talk about it?”

“Yes,” he sighed. “I suppose you are a doctor, after all.”

“Not that kind but-”

“My beloved and I have gotten into an argument, and now I am on this mission. So, we have not made up. I fear we never will.”

“Oh, come one. I’ve seen you two. How bad could it be?”

Loki sighed and sat up on the bed, recounting the story. He did his best to keep the tears out of his eyes and emotion out of his voice, and was met with far more success on the first front than the second.

“Yikes,” Bruce said when he finished. “I mean, they tried to say they didn’t mean it. And I’m sure you didn’t either. So maybe just try to talk?”

“Perhaps. Or maybe we are not supposed to work it out.”

“That’s crazy. Look at you right now; you can’t stop thinking about them.”

“And do you think they are thinking of me?”

“You know what, yeah. I do.”

Loki just mumbled his thanks and flipped onto his side so he was facing the wall now. Bruce went back to sleep, and Loki prayed that slumber would claim him. It did not, and he spent the whole night wishing for you. That he had never said those awful things. That he had never even been given the opportunity to know you, for if he didn’t, he never would have hurt you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You laid on the floor crying for hours. The notion that Loki would come back and wrap you in a hug and talk about what happened didn’t leave you be for hours. And then, all of a sudden, it did. Then you just felt empty and tired. Somehow, you managed to pick yourself up and drag yourself into bed, still in your clothes from the day. You waited another hour, still believing Loki would come back, if even just to lay beside you in the bed you shared and say nothing. When it became clear he wouldn’t, you submit to the tears still stinging the back of your eyes, and cried yourself to sleep.

Waking up the next morning, you didn’t immediately remember what had happened. You felt the empty space next to you where your boyfriend usually was. You listened for the running water of the shower that you could always hear on the mornings he wasn’t beside you. The silence was deafening.

“Loki?” you called out to the vacant room.

Only the echo of your voice answered you. Suddenly, the memory of the night before came crashing back into your mind. A strangled sob escaped your lips. You desperately looked around, frantically searching, begging, for some sort of sign that he’d returned in the night and had just left before you awakened. There was no indication that such a thing had happened.

Moving on autopilot, you found yourself in the shower. You tried to wash, but mainly just stood there and let the scalding spray run over you. Eventually, the stream turned cold as you used up the last of the warm water. You always enjoyed how plushy the towels in the Tower were, but you hardly noticed it as you dried off. Some water still dripping off you, you pulled on your robe. The mirror revealed that your eyes were still a little puffy from crying. Your pruny fingers touched the reddened skin, but you couldn’t be bothered to do anything to cover it up.

“You’re back,” you gasped, walking back out into the bedroom.

He was sitting in a chair, different from the one last night, this time actually reading the book he had. He looked so composed that it made you embarrassed by your appearance. You were sure he was just as much a mess on the inside as you were, though. At least you hoped he was.

“Mhm,” he replied. “And you are dripping on the carpet.”

You looked down where, surely enough, a small wet spot was gathering from the droplets rolling off your body. Everything was moving at half speed in your mind because of how drained you were, both physically and emotionally.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

He didn’t even really acknowledge it as he sidestepped around you and into the bathroom. A few seconds later, you heard the shower turn on. Summoning all your strength, you managed to get dressed for the day, encasing yourself in your most comfortable clothes. You looked at the door and considered getting something to eat, but the pull of your warm blankets was too great. The bed, devoid of your lover, reminded you too much of last night, though. You grabbed the blankets off and swaddled yourself in them on the couch. You tried to shut out the world and go back to sleep. It didn’t work.

“Darling?” Loki softly called as the bathroom door opened.

You wanted to reply, you really did, but it felt like too much effort to peel your eyes open and will your voice to work. So, you listened as he padded over to where you were. He sighed and left, leaving your quarters silent once more. You didn’t even have the energy left to cry.

Roughly ten minutes later, you heard the god come back in and set something on the coffee table. The aroma of pancakes, bacon, and tea flooded your senses seconds after, and you felt your heart somehow swell and break at the same moment. Loki’s hand softly touched your cheek and caressed it so gently, it seemed he was afraid you might break.

“Sleep well, my darling,” he whispered.

Loki kissed the top of your head as gently as he had touched your cheek, his damp hair tickling your skin. He stood up and, though you couldn’t see, felt him turn and look at you once more. Then the door closed, and the strength to cry returned to your body.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Please, Steve,” you beseeched. “Just tell me where he is.”

“I’m sorry, you know I can’t.” He truly did look hurt that he had to keep this from you, especially when he noticed the tears welling in your eyes. “It’s top secret.”

You were trying to figure out where Loki was, if he was ok. You should have asked him more about the mission; he would have told you where he was going, rules be damned. But you hadn’t, so he hadn’t, and now he’d been gone for three days with no word on when he’d return. You tried his cell phone, but Steve had at least informed you that they had to turn off anything that could be tracked for the mission.

You felt so awful about what you’d said, the guilt gnawing at your heart every minute of every day, every dream of every night. If he were to die before you could work it out... you just didn’t know what you would do. Even if you never made up, you just needed him to make it back safely. Maybe you didn’t have to work it out, shouldn’t. Maybe you were a toxic poison ruining his life. Refusing to cry in front of Steve, you pushed the thought from your mind.

“But he’s my boyfriend. Doesn’t that count for something more than the rules?” you pleaded, the look of desperation in your eyes only growing.

“Sorry, but it doesn’t. Look, it would be different if you were married. What I can tell you,” he said with a sigh, and a quick glance over his shoulder, “is that he’s alive and safe.”

“Thank you,” you sniffled. “I guess that’s something, at least. When will he be back?”

“Soon, ok?”

“Ok,” you sniffled again.

You trudged over to the couch in the common room, trying to spend time someplace other than your room for the first time since the fight. Besides quick meals, you’d just been moping in your quarters. The thought crossed your mind that you were probably depressed, that you should get up and exercise or move about. Despite the knowledge of that, you couldn’t actually muster up the willpower to act on it. Instead, you flipped on the TV and pulled the blanket hanging over the back of the sofa snugly around your shoulders. The voice of Gordon Ramsey faded into background noise as you stared out the window, foolishly and fruitlessly hoping that you’d see Loki’s ship flying in.

“Monday,” Steve sighed, setting a mug of hot chocolate on a coaster for you.

“What?” you asked, slightly bewildered after abruptly being pulled from your trance.

“Don’t tell anyone I told you, but Loki’s coming back on Monday.” Steve sat beside you and comfortingly pat your back as you expressed your gratitude. “Can I give you some advice, though?”

“Please.”

“Whatever happened between you two, you can work it out. I promise.”

“I just feel so bad, Steve. I said something horrible that I never should have.” You bit your lip before continuing, nervous you were oversharing. The way your companion was sympathetically nodding his head, however, urged you on. “And then he said something awful too. And now he’s gone, and no one will even tell me where to find him. Maybe it’s a sign that we shouldn’t work it out. That we’re not right for each other.”

“Come on, that’s just the fear talking. I know sometimes the team grumbles about you guys, but it’s only because you’re so sweet together.” He waited for some sign of recognition that what he was saying was true to click on your face before continuing. “Take it from me, you don’t want to let an opportunity to pass you by; even more so when it comes to being with someone you love. You have to make the most of every moment. But you also have to be willing to work through your disagreements, even if they’re particularly bad. Heck, especially then.”

“Thanks, Steve.” You managed a smile. It was small, but it was also the first one that had made its way onto your face in nearly a week. Not only did you realize you had great friends surrounding you, but you felt a spark of hope that you could repair things with Loki. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good. Now, want to come for a training session? Take your mind off things for a bit?”

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’m still not really feeling up to it. But soon, I promise,” you added when a flash of worry danced across his face.

He gave a nod and one final friendly pat on the shoulder, then was off. You went back to staring out the window, now gently sipping on your cocoa. It was still a bit too hot, and it burnt your tongue a little. You knew you should wait until it cooled, but the pain kept you tethered to the earth instead of floating away. You also knew what Loki would say to that so, after a few more sips, you set it down to let it become a more drinkable temperature. As you waited, you let your mind be filled with thoughts of Loki, wondering if he was thinking of you too. Soon, your eyes were drooping shut, and you succumbed to dreams of happier times with your beloved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the day passed much the same, with you pretending to be asleep. Loki knew you were awake at some point, at least, to eat the food he’d brought. Otherwise, he would have flown into a panic that his little mortal was unwell. Or, more unwell than just in an emotional sense, anyway. There was one point where he saw your eyes crack open and look at him as he sat nearby, switching between reading and thinking. You didn’t say anything, though, so neither did he.

“Brother?” Thor said, knocking at the door. “Are you two in there?”

Loki rushed to the door and, opening it, shushed the God of Thunder. He gently closed the door behind him as not to wake you, thinking you may really be asleep now.

“We are, brother,” he whispered. “Why?”

“The team has not seen either of you all day. Is everything alright? Are either of you ill? Or perhaps you’re just having fun in there?” Thor playfully elbowed his brother in the ribs and suggestively wiggled his eyebrows. “Oh, and why are we whispering?”

“Because my beloved is sleeping.” Loki felt a prick of fear in his heart. Maybe he had lost the privilege of calling you his beloved. “We are ok. Relatively.”

“Relatively?”

“Yes. We... We had a fight,” Loki exhaled. “It was not pretty.”

“But you are going to work it out, right?” Thor sighed when Loki said nothing. “Oh, come on, brother. You must talk to them.”

“I will. At some point.”

With some final words of encouragement, Thor let his brother be. Loki took a deep breath and reentered his room. You were sitting up on the couch, twiddling with your thumbs, eyes cast down. He tentatively sat at the end by your feet. Elbows on his knees, he buried his head in his hands.

“Well,” he said to the floor, “are we going to talk about it?”

He felt you flinch at how angry he sounded, while he mentally kicked himself for the same reason. He peeked out from behind his hands, trying to compose himself so he could speak to you in a calm voice.

“I mean,” you said, “if that’s what you want.”

“Oh, and you do not want it?” he snapped, silently cursing himself again.

“Please,” you scoffed, “don’t do anything for my sake.”

Now you were both angry at yourselves, and completely honestly, the other too. When it became clear neither of you was going to say anything else, Loki stood to leave. He spun back around when he heard you mumble something under your breath.

“I’m sorry, darling,” he said in a too-sweet voice, making the pet name sound more like a threat or a mockery than anything else. “I did not quite get that. Would you like to speak up?”

“Yeah,” you snarled, this time loud enough for him to hear. “I said, ‘so you’re really just gonna walk out again, huh?’”

“Oh, allow me to apologize. I must have been making myself a martyr again, hmm? Was that not what you said last night? Or perhaps that was just me blowing things out of proportion again?” He looked down at you as a panic flooded every inch of your body. Loki wanted to stop, but his floodgates had been opened. “But I thought that no one cared to listen to me. Again, I do believe those are your words, not mine.”

“That’s not- I didn’t- I’m not-” you struggled to form a coherent sentence. “I didn’t mean that!”

“No? But it is what you said. Perhaps it was that ever condemning Freudian slip of the tongue? Or do you think yourself so special, mortal, that you care? For I know no one else ever has; I did not need you to tell me that,” he spat.

“You know what?” you laughed without mirth. “You’re right, this isn’t what I want.”

Loki knew he’d pushed too far. His voice grew immensely softer as he spoke again. Not in a kind way, but in a way that showed he was afraid.

“And what exactly, do you mean by ‘this’?”

“This, what we’re doing now. I don’t know what it is, but if it’s your way of talking about what’s wrong and working it out, it’s not what I want. I guess you should just go, Loki.”

Loki hated himself. No, that wasn’t strong enough. He loathed himself, utterly and completely. He slammed the door behind him, and immediately sank back against it, falling to the floor. Neither of you heard the other’s sobs over your the sound of your own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Though Monday was only two days after Steve told you it would be the date of Loki’s arrival, it felt like years elapsed in those forty-eight hours. By some miracle that, you thought with a tiny laugh, Loki would have said was thanks to the Norns, you managed to get yourself into a presentable state. Shower? Check. Teeth brushed? Check. Eyes normal and not red from crying? As checked as it could be.

Steve had promised that he’d get Loki to go to your room straight away. You figured if you two were going to have it out again, it should be in private. Though, you were hoping it would go a great deal better than last time. You could only hope that some time and space was all the two of you would need to finally work through this.

Your breath hitched in your throat as the doorknob turned and Loki shuffled in. The door softly clicked shut behind him, and you tried to quell your worry that your conversation would end with him slamming it again. He dropped his bag at his feet, and for a second, the world stopped. You just looked at each other, both too afraid to end the moment of peace.

“I am back,” he gently said, opening his arms to you.

You took a single hesitant step forward before fully launching yourself into his arms. He caught you with surprising grace, and though he seemed unsure of himself, calmly rubbed your back.

“Can we... Can we try again?” you asked, pulling back enough so you could look into his beautiful, blue-green eyes. “The working things out, I mean. Can we try that again?”

“Yes, my darling.” The pet name had returned to something more gentle, holding the usual care and affection it did. “I’d love nothing more.”

Hand in hand, you walked toward the couch. This time you sat with bodies angling towards each other, already starting off on a high note. It made both of you feel the other was much more willing to listen to what you had to say.

“Shall I start?” he asked, cupping your cheek.

“No, I want to go first.” Your hand rested on top of his and you leaned into his touch. “If that’s alright with you?”

“It is. Please, speak your mind, my sweet.”

You took a steadying breath before you began. “Look, I’m so sorry for what I said. I was frustrated, and I lashed out. But that’s no excuse for it. I never in a million years should have said what I did. It was wrong and insensitive. And I do care for you so, so much on so, so many different levels. I’m sorry I ever made you doubt that. I will spend every day of the rest of my life reassuring you that I love you, Loki. I love you.”

“I accept your apology, and I love you, too.” A single tear rolled down his cheek, but you knew it was from happiness. After all, several tears of the same emotion had fallen down your own cheeks. “Now, it is my turn to say I am sorry. I was unreceptive, pushy, snappy, and cruel. I should not have responded in that manner, and I should have been more open to working through the problem. My insecurities got the better of me, but I promise I will try to keep them at bay. Because I have you, darling, and I love you. And I have no doubt that you do feel the same.”

“I forgive you, too, Loki. I’m ready to put this behind us if you are.”

“Absolutely I am,” he replied, smiling—really smiling—for what felt like the first time in a century. “And, if I may be so bold, I do believe we have a week’s worth of kisses to make up for.”

“The math checks out,” you giggled, leaning in. “I certainly wouldn’t be opposed if you wanted to start playing catch up now.”

“It is like you have read my mind.”

You gave him one quick peck on the lips before he pulled you flush against him and kissed you like there was no tomorrow. Maybe it was because he’d been so worried that there wouldn’t be. But, in the end, there was. Because you worked it out. Because you loved each other. Because you were two hearts connected as one in the crazy journey called life. And you’d always find a way to work through your differences. For, deep down, you both knew you were meant to be together, would always find your way back to each other. There was nothing either of you believed more, and you’d never doubt it again.

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