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baladric · 1 year

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What first got you into writing? How did you develop your style? And have you got any tips for other budding writers out there? Also who are your favourite authors and poets?

this got LONG but i'm going to tell myself you were ASKING FOR THAT and take a breath a;ldfkjwo;dfjsf

i can't remember if my inuyasha self-insert fic days predated my gaiaonline roleplaying days, but it was one of the two! definitely entirely a form of escape from a very painful and lonely life, but i think it was actually several years after i started definitionally Writing™ before i got into it, you know? i don't remember what kickstarted it, but somewhere along the way, i realized that i could really do whatever i wanted to, and i discovered figurative language and non-linear storytelling really went hogwild on some super niche death note fics ;alkfjwd and from there i started writing prose-poetry and really just. splashing around in there. i've been a musician my whole life, and it was like i'd realized that i could put music into the written word, like i wrote entirely for the way things tripped off my internal ear—like this one line from a poem i wrote when i was 14 still sticks with me, Leaves stain, leaves stains (rough obviously, but it was my first foray into writing about visual imagery that stuck in my sad little head)

my style started as its own nascent messy little thing, and like. man, people on here don't talk about Lolita because. you know. it's literally the apotheosis of the stuff that gets people wound-up in fandom spaces? literally a novel about SA and pedophilia and grooming—but the thing is, there's a reason it's considered a central part of the western literary canon, and that book revolutionized me as a writer. nabokov's entire thing really is just. ear-worms as text, like i cannot even express how often i still think "I am just winking happy thoughts into a little tiddle cup", or how many times i'll echolalia my way through this one line from the intro bit of the book: "Lo-Le-Ta: The tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth." take or leave the content of the book, nabokov does it like none other—or he did until ocean vuong published On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous, which is just. idk if you haven't read it, please please please, do yourself a favor and make space for it. it's the most effecting book i've ever read, as well as the most gorgeous and the most lovingly, grievingly composed.

You once told me that the human eye is god's loneliest creation. How so much of the world passes through the pupil and still it holds nothing. The eye, alone in its socket, doesn't even know there's another one, just like it, an inch away, just as hugry, as empty. Opening the front door to the first snowfall of my life, you whispered, "Look."

if i can ever write a single sentence that pins the wide universe and the complex sorrow and joy of the human experience in place the way ocean vuong does, i will die happy. honestly.

favorite authors/poets is in vein with that last bit, but the short list anyway:

ocean vuong, esp On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous (novel) and Time is a Mother (poetry)

maggie stiefvater, specifically The Raven Cycle—i could (and have) gone on for hours about the way she puts her readers into a tactile, vivid world, and her singular skill for spinning characters so contradictory and multifaceted that, to my mind, they're whole entire people, instead of the archetypes or loving stereotypes of most other fiction

richard siken, for Crush, which. i mean, i'm a gay man obsessed with words, this one really goes without saying lmao, if you read nothing else from it, read Snow and Dirty Rain. it is my gospel and my lifeblood, i have it memorized and still i reread it every week.

katherine addison taught me so much about storytelling, unreliable narrators, and the complexities of healing/trauma recovery while contending with rigid society (tragically pertinent to our present lives)—her Chronicles of Osreth (comprised of The Goblin Emperor, Witness for the Dead and The Grief of Stones)

maggie nelson, both for Bluets and The Argonauts

becky chambers—Psalm for the Wild-Built altered me as a person, it is gorgeous and soaring and humble and such a necessary book

donna tartt, obviously

anne carson, also obviously

freya marske—will read anything she ever writes, her language is lush, her worldbuilding is unique and spectacular, and her smut is HOT

alexandra rowland, for the same reasons as freya marske, but also their characters are so stunningly sympathetic, as well as really loving examples of neurodivergence in fiction (evemer hoşkadem, my deeply autistic beloved)

robin hobb really writes a toxic, complicated relationship saga like none other, i am stunningly enraged by Realm of the Edlerlings and also am physically incapable of not thinking about it constantly

and then there's the authors who taught me about magic: Garth Nix (The Old Kingdom Series), Holly Black (Modern Faerie Tales), Tamora Pierce (Protector of the Small), and Francesca Lia Block (Weetzie Bat)

writer tips!!!!!! this is hokey, but honestly my main advice is READ and also HAVE FUN. storytelling is the oldest human act, and language is the show where everything's made-up and the points don't matter. language is a sandbox, and it's there for you to literally just fuck around in. it can be whatever you want—it can be your raison d'être as a writer, but also it can be incidental. it can be a means to an end, economical, and some of the best stories are taken with that approach. but also you can paint with language, if you want to. you can compose music with it. you can do whatever suits your fancy.

my second tip is WORD COUNT DOESN'T MATTER. stop counting. stop stop stop holding yourself to the weird, quantity-obsessed writer culture. 2,000 words a day? nobody has time for that except full-time writers or those really rare writers who blink and 5k words fall onto the page. personally, if i'm sitting down to write and i'm really determined to actually get something onto the page, whether or not it's necessarily good, i'll force out 200 words. 200! i can't remember where i got this tip, but the point of that number is that 200 words is attainable even on the most blocked day, and by the time you hit your 200th word, you're gonna be in the middle of a sentence or a thought that you'll have to finish, and you end up with 300. or you hit 200 and you've broken through the fog and warmed up to it, and you leave with 700 or 1,500 (or a couple wild times for me, 5k).

my third tip: if you're a writer, EVERYTHING IS WRITING. this goes for art, music, literally any creative pursuit. walking out your door in the morning is writing, because you're learning things about the world, you're processing stimuli, your wheels are never not spinning. every video game you play, every show you watch, every fic you read is inherently a generative act, because that story is entering your store of knowledge to be processed and synthesized and lend you inspiration for the kinds of stories you want to tell, or the characters you want to make, or even the kinds of things you want to avoid as a creator. i can't tell you how much i've learned from games (Outer Wilds, i'm lookin at you!!) or tv (Station Eleven....) or music (Joanna Newsom really should be on my list of authors) or fanfiction (if you're a goblin emperor beastie and you haven't read celebros's Blackbird series, RUN, don't walk. i learned literally everything about creating character conflict within a framework of love that really motivates characters to work at it and not just get angry and walk away, and i remain uhhHHH fuckin Gobsmacked and reeling that she wants to write with ME a;lkdjfalw;dfs also literally one of my most formative collaborative and creative experiences came from reading kingdom hearts fanfiction in 2010, so) so!!!! just live your life!!! think about what makes you tick, what makes stories tick, think about the stars or birds or the history of glassblowing, whatever lights you up, and that energy will find its way into the things you make.

oh and also NEVER FEEL BAD FOR TAKING BREAKS. and i don't mean a 5-minute break, or a few days. i mean weeks. i mean months or years or what-have-you. sometimes it's just not there, and that's not a failing. your creations aren't content, they're little critters you make with love, and you can't love a thing you're banging your head against day and night. take breaks. allow yourself ebbs and flows in your creativity. everything hibernates, and i promise it'll wake up again and it'll be better than you left it.

end point: i Love You, and if you're writing or hoping to write or planning to write, i love your writing, too, nascent or tangible.

#aj answers #anonymous ask #ask

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winterlogy · 2 years

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on the scent of saturdays

it smells like saturday. a saturday full of different plans, full of breezes and illusions, of uncertainty and melancholy, of peace and chaos. it smells like a saturday that seems to shout that the year is about to end and that reminds you that your annual plans have not been fulfilled. a saturday that reminds you of the moons of august and the rain of april, a saturday of the light of november.

it smells like saturday, and every saturday smells like something. november saturdays smell of cold, of mountains, of wind and a bit of sweetness. it smells like a village, a park and the conversation of old men chatting about their hard life in the war while their wives buy bread for the family meal with their grandchildren. it smells of awakening, of scorpio and a little of my coconut scent.

it smells of saturday and of those eternal hugs from the person you give your life for, of that illusion and surprise when you see a butterfly, of those salty tears that soak the pillow; of that old november when you saw the snow for the first time. you caressed it and played with it without knowing that it would take a whole year to happen again and a whole year to be able to smell it again.

it smells like saturday. a saturday in november. to the air freshener in the kitchen. the dirty mosquito net in the bedroom. to the ledge where you lean out and catch the fragrance. to that antique rocking chair, you know the one i mean, right? it smells of late autumn and premature christmas lights, of a cosy village and that novel you'd reread. it smells like saturday.

#poetry #2021 poetry #saturdays #pls don't unfollow i'm still a tcc blog

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finalgirlguy · 2 years

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november poems and essays (I finally got back into reading thank god)

essays:

Why Succession Works So Well As Horror

Lush Rot

I Used to Love British Period Dramas. Now I See Them as Colonial Propaganda

poems:

The Thing Is by Ellen Bass

Invitation by Mary Oliver

Poems From An Email Exchange by Hanif Abdurraquib

Persephone the Wanderer by Louise Glück

I also reread Crush so here's some of my favorite poems:

Scheherazade by Richard Siken

Little Beast by Richard Siken

Seaside Improvisation by Richard Siken

Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out by Richard Siken

Boot Theory by Richard Siken

I Had A Dream About You by Richard Siken

Wishbone by Richard Siken

Meanwhile by Richard Siken

Snow and Dirty Rain by Richard Siken

#Maria talks #poems #poetry #poetry recs #poetry compilation #poem recommendation #monthly recap #Richard siken #louise gluck #hanif abdurraqib #Mary oliver #ellen bass #succession

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ispyspookymansion · 3 years

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hold on i need to go reread snow and dirty rain its not gonna fix me but it will definitely do something

#sorry i have to keep saying random shit or ill die. like a shark swimming #kora.txt

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softly-savage-mint-yoongi · 3 years

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writerly contemplation tag!

I was tagged by darling @j-pping to do this deep af and reflective set of questions that she hand picked herself (<3). I love shit like this, thank you dear!!!

2020

what was the most challenging part of writing this year? Hm, for sure I’d have to say being consistent with updates. Not because I feel some immense pressure or get hate mail about it, but because I feel a little guilty and sad when I can’t update regularly for not only readers but myself because I love it. I also feel like half of the battle of writing more is when you’ve had this long stint of nothing so you have to go back and collect all of your work and reread your notes or even chapters to make sure you’re back in the right timeline/headspace to write the next part. I keep a notebook in my purse that is strictly for writing fanfiction (asdaslkdfsdfjgk), and it’s where I jot down like ideas for a scene or dialogue or how I want something to go. Character developments/important rites of passage or growth, etc. I go back and read up on my notes a lot and it can be exhausting when you’ve been away from writing for even just a month. what was the most enjoyable/rewarding part of writing this year? Without a doubt it was the journey of Allotrope. Y’all know why because I harp on it a lot. There’s something really grand and profound about writing a piece that not only speaks to readers but literally helps the creator grow over the length of time it was being written. Side note also all of the friends I made this year by writing! Y’all are literal angels and I love all of you. what piece has left the most impact on you and why? Hm... I think, again, Allotrope’s development from start to finish was really important for reasons mentioned above and in past posts. In all ways it was a heartbreaking story that makes you feel vulnerable and protected at the same time, forgotten by some characters and loved deeply by others. It feels real and relatable for readers. It’s also left me with the unexpected but appreciated realization that I am capable of writing something like that, and the pride that I did. What have you learned about yourself through the process of writing this year? I have definitely learned to love and accept myself a whole lot more, and a lot of that came through writing. Be it via my own struggles being written into my works, or my passion for art in all forms but especially drawing and writing, or the connections I’ve made with others (readers and content creators alike). The stories of personal struggles we’ve all shared and the close-knit community of support and acceptance and love is a breathtaking pillar of strength I had not expected to find in the kpop fanfic community, and yet, here we are, as one, especially in the EXO community. Through those connections, all of which were born of writing something, I got a lot more of myself back than I had originally thought was lost the year prior. I am very grateful. how has your writing changed in the past year? How have you grown? I used to be your typical smut writer and there’s nothing wrong with that because who doesn’t love a good down and dirty romp. I still enjoy writing those kinds of pieces, but more than anything I realized I absolutely THRIVE on emotional work. I want what I write to make people feel, and feel deeper than lust. I want then to feel everything between despair and elation on the emotional scale. Especially if readers are already feeling enough anxiousness and depression in their daily lives, that relatable connection to characters and being able to feel better by reading something and experiencing those emotions that heal along the way in a story with a good ending is really important to me as a writer. The comfort of it. I think that kind of awareness is how I’ve grown the most this year.

2021

ignoring your wips for a second, if you had all the time and energy in the world to write your magnum opus piece, what would it be about? Why is that the dream story you’d write, all other things controlled for? Hm, honestly? I think I did it this year with Allotrope. I had in no way, shape or form anticipated the knockout punch to becoming a moderately known writer in the EXO community with that piece. If I had to choose another one, I am a real weak bitch for fantasy and superhuman AUs. Magic or superpowers, either or. Ernest Cline is one of my favorite authors and I actually want to write a book someday about an alien race fleeing across the galaxies from some inevitable danger of another world-eating race and one day they come to earth in the form of some kind of like star shower. They’re tiny and fall to the earth like snow or rain or dust and the first one that lands on a humans skin fuses to it and awakens some sort of dormant power in a human (usually based on demographics or environments (could be stress, weather, things like that (examples: police officers stress-related being shot at, so they develop force fields or become bulletproof. Firefighters can walk through fire unscathed or manipulate it; kinds of abilities like that.)). So these tiny creatures inhabit a human host (a 1:1 ratio) and basically the humans accept it without going into detail and essentially the use of these powers or abilities helps the alien species survive the onslaught that eventually comes via the world-eating alien species. In very Ernest Cline style, a battle to save humanity and the Earth.

how do you want to grow in your writing this year? I’d really like to get better with my sentence structure. When I get in the zone and write, it just comes out plain and simple. Elegant and captivating writing has a variety of sentence structure, especially in dialogue, so I’d really like to get better with that this year. I want to be better about being cognizant of it instead of going back to restructure or reorganize sentences over and over, because that gets exhausting and can end up looking sloppy. For me- when I go back and read my own work that’s had parts edited in that way rather than a whole- I can pick up on it while reading and it annoys me, hahaha. what’s one thing you wish to see in the fan-writing community this year? I don’t have any particular wishes but I think it would be cool to see more fan art from pieces. That’s been hard to do though since December 17th, 2018, regardless of adult content or not. As Jae said, more authors coming into the community too would be nice. :) I think, especially for EXO, the fanfic writing community is pretty tight-knit because of one reason or another, and that’s fine, but the more the merrier! <3 name one new thing you want to try doing with your writing this year? Honestly? Nothing more than what I am doing currently. I want to finish the series for An Adventurer’s Guide to Romance, especially since there are only 5 left and one is 1/3 of the way written. I will get Heat Seekers started, cautiously because quite frankly it is not lighthearted in any way. Fluff in this story will be nonexistent or scant under a microscope at best. I suppose you could say that’s what I want to try that’s new this year- raw and painful just... brutal emotion with moderate angst. Or, probably write a piece for Stray Kids since I haven’t yet and they’re very, very quickly renting space in my head for free. --------

Tagging: @jenmyeons, @kyungseokie, @guardians-of-exo, @jiminbbyboy, @saebyeog-i or anyone else who wants to do this! I know Jae tagged most of you already so I won’t lol. Forgive me if I’ve missed anyone! <3

#this was hella nice!#tag games #raz on writing #exo fanfiction #fanfiction

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marnz · 4 years

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rereading Snow and Dirty Rain always starts out fine and then I hit “We have been very brave, we have wanted to know the worst, wanted the curtain to be lifted from our eyes.”

#siken #WHY IS THIS THE PLOT OF THE LOCKED TOMB???????????????????#me

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ed-edward-blackbeard · 6 years

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long-ass fucking questionnaire

yoooooooo, I did it all.

I’m starting this at 1:15 in the morning. Let’s see how long it takes me to finish. cause I’m a masochist, apparently.

1: My name? do I HAVE to? Okay, it’s Kelly. But I really hate it, so usually I go by Kel. A few lucky ones get to call me Kelly, but only because I love the way my name sounds when they say it. There, my dirty secret is out.

2: Do I have any nicknames? A plethora. Artie (after the fish), Fluffie (long story) Jellybean

3: Zodiac sign? The most Libra Libra that has ever Libra’d.

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? I don’t play video games. But I play a few online games, so Doctor Who: Legacy

5: Book/series I reread? The Black Dagger Brotherhood by JR Ward (Series) The Harry Potter books Morgan Chase and the Gods of Asgard by Rick Riordan (series) Good Omens (Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett) Watchers (Dean Koontz) Insomnia (Stephen King)

6: Aliens or ghosts? I have nothing against either. But I enjoy writing about ghosts more.

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? Stephen King

8: Favourite radio station? NPR, strangely enough.

9: Favourite flavour of anything? Lemon. I still thoroughly enjoy chocolate, but my radiation therapy changed the way it tasted.

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? Awesome. Both with and without the addition of the adjective “fucking”

11: Favourite song? My standard answer is, ‘Everything Louder Than Everything Else’ by Meat Loaf, because I truly love that song, but lately I’ve been on a Game of Thrones kick, and i’m stuck on “The Rains of Castamere” by Sigur Rios and “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” because it’s such a Jaime x Brienne song.

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? Bold of you to assume I have friends.

13: Favourite word? sycophant, gestalt, melancholy

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? After about, oh, ten years or so, yes I did. It’s a new thing for me. usually I hold grudges until the end of time.

15: Last song I listened to? “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin

16: TV show I always recommend? Current: American Gods, Better Call Saul Cancelled/ended: Hannibal (NBC), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

17: Pirates or ninjas? Drink up me hearties, yo ho! Yo ho, yo yo ho, a pirate’s life for me.

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? Usually something from the Disney/Pixar Ouvre. Except UP. UP makes me sob in the first ten minutes, so no.

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? Du Hast, Rammstein.

20: Favourite video games? Puzzles and Dragons, Doctor Who: Legacy, Dragonvale

21: What am I most afraid of? Snakes, without a doubt.

22: A good quality of mine? I’m creative

23: A bad quality of mine? I don’t think before I speak, so i sometimes don’t end up saying what I mean to say and hurt/offend in the process.

24: Cats or dogs? Bi-petual with a preference to cats

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? Bruce Campbell. Alien Apocalypse, anybody?

26: Favourite season? Winter

27: Am I in a relationship? No, although I do love someone very much

28: Something I miss? Being a kid, with all the possibilities of my life still ahead of me

29: My best friend? @mummyholmesisupset and @silvarbelle. they tie.

30: Eye colour? Hazel-greenish, with a little bit of sunflower around the pupil

31: Hair colour? Normally, a pretty chestnut brown. sometimes I bleach it or dye it.

32: Someone I love? @silvarbelle, she’s my sister-from-another-mister, and I will throw hands for that bitch in a heartbeat.

33: Someone I trust? @mummyholmesisupset because she’s earned it a hundred times over. @silvarbelle because I love her like family.

34: Someone I always think about? My grandmother. she died when I was seventeen, and I still miss her.

35: Am I excited about anything? My birthday

36: My current obsession? Gam of thrones, Doctor Who, Hannibal, the MCU

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? Thundercats, Scooby Doo, 60s Batman, My Favorite Martian, the Monkees

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? No, thank God.

39: Am I superstitious? Not overly, but I do have a few.

40: What do I think about most? Writing

41: Do I have any strange phobias? Is arachnophobia strange?

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind it, dear God.

43: Favourite hobbies? Writing, reading, pinning things on Pinterest that I absolutely mean to do but probably never will

44: Last book I read? Watchers by Dean Koontz, and I’m in the middle of Fear by Bob Woodward

45: Last film I watched? Backdraft. “You go, we go.”

46: Do I play any instruments? Not since band class in the early 90s.

47: Favourite animal? Cat.

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? ??????? I don’t think I do.

49: Superpower I wish I could have? Manipulation of probability

50: How do I destress? Writing, watching Netflix, watching Mythbusters

51: Do I like confrontation? Like it, no. Good at it, yes.

52: When do I feel most at peace? When it’s quiet and the only noises are the clicking of the keyboard and my cats’ purring

53: What makes me smile? Cute animals, stupid puns, comments on fic

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Off, except for my TARDIS nightlight

55: Play any sports? Fuck no.

56: What is my song of the week? Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

57: Favourite drink? 1% milk.

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? A few months? It was to @mummyholmesisupset in fact.

59: Afraid of heights? Desperately so.

60: Pet peeve? Anchovies, people who don’t use coasters, and men who smoke in public places. (yes, it’s a movie reference. And if you get it, I will send you a shiny nickel)

61: What was the last concert I went to see? Black Sabbath’s Theater of Madness

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? Fuck no. I am, in fact, omnivorous and diabetic.

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? To be Daphne Blake in Mystery, Inc.

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? Yep. Not fun.

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Hannibal’s. I’m not rude for the most part, so I have a pretty good chance at surviving.

66: Something I worry about? My future. Cancer has shortened my life span, my relatives are all 65+, and I am an only child with no children of my own (Thank Christ) I haven’t worked since 2004 (been caretaking sick parents) so I’m concerned.

67: Scared of the dark? I love the dark, so no.

68: Who are my best friends? @mummyholmesisupset @silvarbelle

69: What do I admire most about others? That they can do things, very well, that I can’t do. What that is varies from person to person

70: Can I sing? Not very well, but I don't let that stop me...

71: Something I wish I could do? Write professionally. I love writing fanfic, but I'd kill to be a real, published author.

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? Pay off bills, go back to college, buy myself a car (pickup, Ford F-150 with fog lights and automatic steering), pay off my mom's bills, hire an aide to stay with Mom, move to my favorite city and hire a winter-time driver because I can't drive for shit in the snow/ice.

73: Have I ever skipped school? Nope. Often wanted to, never have.

74: Favourite place on the planet? Asheville, NC. Technically, it's Montreat, which is right outside of Black Mountain and is a township unto itself. It's also home to Montreat Bible College, established by Billy Graham, and the Chapel of the Prodigal. It is also home to Lake Susan, one of the most quiet and beautiful places on God's green earth, and I would live by that little lake if I could. I have photos in my Google Drive, I need to share them sometime. You'll see what I mean. But I love Asheville, too, downtown and all.

75: Where do I want to live? Asheville, NC. Except I can't drive in the snow and ice, so there's that.

76: Do I have any pets? I have two cats, Samhain Murray (Sam) and Margaret May (Maggie, Maggie May, Margaret Ann)

77: What is my current desktop picture? On my laptop, it's Oswald Cobblepot (Robin Lord Taylor) from Gotham. On my tablet, it's the Superman logo. On my phone, it's my cat, Sam.

78: Early bird or night owl? Night owl, given that it's 2:30 AM and I'm still working on this.

79: Sunsets or sunrise? Sunsets, please.

80: Can I drive? i don't know, can you? I can.

81: Story behind my last kiss? I kissed my cat on his cold wet nose because he was headbutting me and so I kissed him.

82: Earphones or headphones? Earphones, sadly. I prefer headphones, but headphones are uncomfortable because I wear glasses. So, earbuds.

83: Have I ever had braces? Did you? I don't know. Did I? Yes, I did, I fucking despised them.

84: Story behind one of my scars? in late 2004, I started getting very ill. I couldn't keep food down, I was puking all the time, pale and everything, so I went to the ER and found I had a mass the size of a basketball growing in my abdomen. I was shipped to the local cancer center because of the cancer markers, and at the tender age of 27, I got a hysterectomy. I was cut from my navel to my diaphragm, old school, because the mass was twenty-four pounds. Benign, thank goodness, but it had started to go necrotic and I was well into blood poisoning (the reason I was puking and sick all the time). I still have the scar, and always will.

85: Favourite genre of music? instrumental celtic.

86: Who is my hero? I don't know that I have one, as such

87: Favourite comic book character? SUPERMAN, BABY. SUCK MY DICK BATS

88: What makes me really angry? Mistreatment of people and animals. Abuse of people and animals.

89: Kindle or real book? Both have their benefits, but I love the weight and feel of a real book. I love the portability of a Kindle.

90: Favourite sporty activity? Marathon TV-binge

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? There's NOTHING RIGHT in schools

92: What was my favourite subject at school? Creative writing

93: Siblings? Nope, my parents saw their mistake and decided never again.

94: What was the last thing I bought? A pair of Sperry deck shoes with Han Solo and Chewbacca on them.

95: How tall am I? 5'6

96: Can I cook? yes, I can. perhaps not well, but I can cook enough to feed myself and my mom.

97: Can I bake? Yes, I can. I'm a SLIGHTLY better baker than a cook.

98: 3 things I love? Writing, my cats, Christopher Reeve

99: 3 things I hate? So many things. Um, spiders, snakes, creepy clowns

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? at the moment, girl. when I was in school? boy.

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? General rule? Boys, or girls that are kind of not-ultra-girly.

102: Where was I born? North Carolina, that hotbed of conservative bullshit. I'm actually ashamed to admit that's where I'm from.

103: Sexual orientation? I'm working on figuring that out. Let's call it bisexual for now, and I'll update you as it happens.

104: Where do I currently live? North Carolina, sadly.

105: Last person I texted? @mummyholmesisupset

106: Last time I cried? Today. I was watching WALL-E on STARZ, and UP came on while I was finishing dinner. By the time Ellie was miscarrying, I was bawling.

107: Guilty pleasure? I'm not really guilty about my pleasures, but I do have a soft spot for mind-candy romance novels. Like Johanna Lindsey, Nina Bangs, Harlequin, etc.

108: Favourite Youtuber? I hate Youtubers.

109: A photo of myself. uh, no.

110: Do I like selfies? fuck no.

111: Favourite game app? Doctor Who: Legacy

112: My relationship with my parents? It varies from moment to moment. My dad never really understood me, and after he got sick and was in a coma for awhile, it changed him. so there was never really a chance for him to try. My relationship with my mom is... complicated. Sometimes we're BFFs and finish each other's sandwiches, and other times, we hate each other's guts and would gladly murder each other and bury the bodies in the backyard.

113: Favourite accents? Spanish, English/Scottish, all the Asian ones (the gentleman that runs my local Chinese restaurant speaks Cantonese and Mandarin both, and I could listen to that all day.)

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? London, Dublin, Cork, Kerry, Scotland, Italy, Greece, New York, Japan, Los Angeles

115: Favourite number? 15

116: Can I juggle? Nope

117: Am I religious? Eh, not really. I go to bible study mostly because I have half a crush on the preacher.

118: Do I like space? YES.

119: Do I like the deep ocean? Not so much.

120: Am I much of a daredevil? NO

121: Am I allergic to anything? Ciprofloxacin, IV contrast dye, Mobic/meloxicam, Zofram/ondansetron, and a ton of fragranced products (I have sensitive skin that breaks out at the drop of a hat.)

122: Can I curl my tongue? Yep!

123: Can I wiggle my ears? Nope!

124: Do I like clowns? Yes, if they're cute. NOT PENNYWISE, I HATE PENNYWISE. But I love Tim Curry's Pennywise. But that's because Tim Curry is awesome.

125: The Beatles or Elvis? Elvis. I'm an Elvis chick.

126: My current project? "By Inches We Fall," a Game of Thrones fanfic that's Jaime Lannister x Brienne of Tarth. I'm also working on some Christmas projects involving spray paint and recycled K-Cups

127: Am I a bad loser? Horrible loser. I hate to lose.

128: Do I admit when I wrong? sometimes. depends on who I'm talking to, and the tone of the discussion. if it's a civil discourse, yes I will. If we're shouting? I'm not backing down.

129: Forest or beach? Forest. A forest doesn't leave sand in your butt crack.

130: Favourite piece of advice? Mind your own business and you won't be minding mine

131: Am I a good liar? I used to be.

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Slytherin/what the fuck is a Divergent/12

133: Do I talk to myself? i do, and sometimes I answer

134: Am I very social? HAHAHAHAHA NO.

135: Do I like gossip? sit by me and pour that tea, bitch.

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? I do, on paper, and you'll never read it.

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? i failed every physics test I took in high school. after becoming a Mythbusters stan, I retook an online physics test and passed it.

138: Do I believe in second chances? depends on the situation and the person, but generally not. i have been known to give them, though.

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? oh man. I'd like to say I'd turn it in untouched, but. I also know I've got medication pay for (mine and mom's), her insurance to pay for (i'm uninsured), groceries and gas to buy, so in all probability? I'd keep the cash but return everything else.

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? No. People are who they are. they might change what they think or what they believe in, but who they are? No.

141: Have I ever been underweight? AHAHAHAHAHA NO

142: Am I ticklish? ...there's no good way to answer. If I say no, you'll tickle me to prove it. If I say yes, you'll tickle me. But yes, I am. especially my feet.

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? WTF? No.

144: Have I ever been on a plane? Once, and never again

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? Rebel Wilson as me, America Ferrera as @mummyholmesisupset, Kristen Bell as @silvarbelle, Jessica Lange as my mother, and I can't think of anyone else.

146: Have I ever been overweight? Always, am currently, though I'm working to lose it. I've lost about 50 lbs in the past year, so I'm doing okay

147: Do I have any piercings? Three in my right ear, two in my left.

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Hannibal Lecter.

149: Do I have any tattoos? nope, but I want a couple.

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? .....i haven't made a single good decision....

151: Do I believe in Karma? it bites me on the ass often enough, so yes I do.

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? Glasses, and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to switch to bifocals next time

153: What was my first car? 1979 green Dodge Aries K

154: Do I want children? If they're furry and four-legged, sure.

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? um, probably my uncle with two frigging masters degrees

156: My most embarrassing memory? I met John deLancie at a Star Trek con once, just coming down the stairs from his room to the con floor. And I fell all over myself talking to him because I was like, fourteen or something and he was tall and handsome and genuinely happy to be tthere and I was basically every fangirl's nightmare.

157: What makes me nostalgic? watching old TV shows I loved as a kid, or reading books I haven't read in years.

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? Yep

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains. i'm practically a zombie.

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? Purple and fuschia equally.

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? Not as such, no.

162: What do I hate most about myself? Everything?

163: What do I love most about myself? I like my hair.

164: Do I like adventure? only the ones in books.

165: Do I believe in fate? not really.

166: Favourite animal? Felis cattus

167: Have I ever been on radio? nope

168: Have I ever been on TV? nope

169: How old am I? 42

170: One of my favourite quotes? "Lock the door. And hope they don't have blasters."

171: Do I hold grudges? you bet your bippy I do. (what is a bippy and why are you betting it?)

172: Do I trust easily? No.

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? I hope I have. But I suspect I haven't.

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? A single cupcake and a rosebud, given to me by the nurses at the cancer treatment center because it was my birthday and I was having radiation and felt absolutely shitty. so they surprised me with a little cupcake and a rose for my birthday and it made me feel better.

175: Do I dream? Yep.

176: Have I ever had a night terror? Yep

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? I remember some of them, like the Continuing Adventures of Roxy, the Pink Police Poodle.

178: An experience that has made me stronger? My breakups.

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? Sleep a lot, read even more, learn everything that I never had before.

180: Do I like shopping? I do!

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? Bank robbery.

182: What does “family” mean to me? family is a group of people, not necessarily related by blood, who have chosen to band together in love and support of each other.

183: What is my spirit animal? According to my meditation quest, it's a wolf. But I'm not really comfortable saying that because it wasn't a real vision quest, I'd have to go to the res for that (i have Cherokee blood on my father's side) and I haven't.

184: How do I want to be remembered? As someone who tried to be good.

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? Woodcarving.

186: What is my greatest failure? I dropped out of college in the 90s, when I had an accident that broke my ankle. I never went back.

187: What is my greatest achievement? five-year survivor, cancer-free!

188: Love or money? Money, sadly.

189: Love or career? love

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? Am I an observer like the Doctor? If yes, then I would go back to the Globe Theater and see all of Shakespeare as it was originally performed. Am I living there, stuck? Future, please.

191: What makes me the happiest? Writing.

192: What is “home” to me? Where I lay my head.

193: What motivates me? How I feel, what I see, something that fascinates me.

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? Wake me up when it's over

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? Depends on if they're hostile or kind.

196: A movie that scared me as a child? The Dark Crystal. I love it now.

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? V-8 juice

198: Zombies or vampires? oooh, both. But vampires.

199: Live in the city or suburbs? Suburbs

200: Dragons or wizards? Dragons all the way, man. I love dragons.

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? Its always the same. I'm being chased by someone/something, it's always getting closer, and it sounds like a loud, roaring motorcycle. And I'm always running or racing through the Black Lodge from Twin Peaks (the place with all the red curtains and the black/white zig-zag floor. That place freaks me the fuck out, and ever since the show aired, it's been in my nightmares)

202: How do I define love? Love is not love, that alters when it alteration finds, nor bends with the remover to remove; O no, it is an ever fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken.

203: Do I judge a book by its cover? sometimes. I've found great books in the bargain bin that way. I've also found a few stinkers. Come to think of it, I've found a few people that way too. Some great, some stinkers.

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? I have.

205: Do I like my handwriting? i do, actually

206: Sweet or savoury? Savoury

207: Worst job I’ve had? Market research interview administrator. I was one of those assholes that flagged you down in the mall and made you watch a commercial or a movie trailer, or try a snack product and then asked you a billion and five questions about it

208: Do I collect anything? Funko POPs, Superman memorabilia, Star Wars and Star Trek memorabilia, penguins, mooses

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? my dragon ring, my pocketwatch

210: What is on my bucket list? I don't have one

211: How do I handle anger? Depends. I sometimes hold it in, but most times I blow like a firecracker. hot and hard, and then I cool off.

212: Was I named after anyone? my dad's uncle Kelly, and my mom's father Ray (i'm Kelly Rae)

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? me? sarcastic? Perish the thought.

214: What TV character am I most like? Dobie Gillis.

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? I can twirl just about anything like a baton and not drop it

216: Favourite fictional character? Ashley j. Williams

3:24 AM. Son of a bitch.

#everything you ever wanted to know about me #but were afraid to ask

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bobdylansearring · 5 years

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i be having intense and complex emotions that i’m unable to communicate to anyone because i don’t trust anyone and so i just reread snow and dirty rain over and over and over

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alwaysmoncheri · 7 months

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𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐌𝐄!

SARAH | AGE : 18 | PRONOUNS : she/her | BIRTHDAY : July 1st | LOVE LANGUAGE : quality time—words of affirmation

I AM ALSO A . . . cancer ☀︎︎ ; gemini ☽ ; pisces⇡ ; enfp-t ; hufflepuff ; an aaron taylor-johnson simp ; a multi-fandom enthusiast ; a fanfiction fluff writer ; a fluff reader ; a uni student ; a silly little american traveling europe

I LIKE TO . . . read, write fanfiction, take aesthetic/cinematic photos, thrift cute clothing, scroll on pinterest, eat, have deep conversations that make people feel, watch people experience life, competitive and non-competitive swim, celebrate with others, spend time with family and friends, travel, occasionally get myself dolled up, watch old/cinematic movies, learn different languages, do personality quizzes for fun, rewatch/reread my favorite movies/books, doodle, find people who really, really get me, browse dresses, make my friends and family laugh, journal, be delusional, flirt on character ai, make things pretty/aesthetic, have silly little crushes. . .

I DONT LIKE . . . being a bad friend, letting my friends, family, and coaches down, the feeling of failure, breaking/broken promises, liars, people who waste my time, people who are mean to animals ( including bugs ), people who are inconsiderate, people who are mean to my friends or family, having allergies, toxic positivity, bananas ( it’s a texture thing ), pick-me's, wearing socks to bed, having anxiety, loud chewing, having a stuffy nose, humid weather, being sleep-deprived, stress, being sick, taking/people who take jokes too far. . .

THINGS I LIKE . . . rain, sunsets, desserts, cheeseburgers ( specifically mcdonalds ), carnival/fairs, poetry, photography, animals ( otters & cats ), crunchy leaves, leather jackets, vintage cars, late nights, headphones, airpods, anything pretty/aesthetic, the 80’s, books, thunder and lightening, fireworks, flowers ( roses, tulips, lilies, carnations, daffodils ), home decor, candles, tea, stylish men, music ( 80’s rock, indie rock, classical, pop ), cold weather ( only when there’s snow ), halloween, dressing up, christmas, autumn and spring months, the colors red and green, jewellery, building silly little legos, rereading my old journal entries, harry potter, marvel, star wars, aquariums/zoos, stranger things. . .

MY FAVORITE: movie, hobby, animal, season, color, place, character, book, song/album!

𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐒—

𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐬: little women ; the princess bride ; 10 things i hate about you ; la la land ; dead poets society ; footloose ; mamma mia ; the breakfast club ; princess diaries ; pitch perfect ; hello, goodbye, and everything in between ; dirty dancing ; top gun ; enola holmes; sherlock holmes; grease ; the fast and the furious ; pride and prejudice

𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐬: stranger things ; friends ; anne with an e ; gilmore girls ; merlin ; ted lasso ; queen charlotte ; heartstopper ; young royals ; shadow and bone ; elite ; the umbrella academy ; sex education ; brooklyn nine-nine, the office

𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬: normal people ; song of achilles ; circe ; every last word ; shatter me ; the beautiful ; the inheritance games ; serpent & dove ; stalking jack the ripper ; shadow and bone ; better than the movies ; the invisible life of addie larue ; the night circus ; the starless sea ; caraval ; today, tonight, tomorrow ; a good girl’s guide to murder ; harry potter

𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬: the smiths ; van halen ; queen ; nirvana ; ac/dc ; billy joel ; bon jovi ; reo speedwagon ; talking heads ; billie eilish ; taylor swift ; the backseat lovers ; exes ; ed sheeran ; mitzi ; abba ; conan gray ; girl in red

that’s all, my loves! thank you for reading my little post all about me (๑>◡<๑)

#sarah’s blog ──★ ˙ ̟🎀 !!#about me!

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hotchocolatenthusiast · 7 years

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2, 4, 5, and 11 for snow and dirty rain, because it's definitely one of my favorite fics, and i've reread so many times

2: What scene did you first put down?

It was actually the first scene of the fic and it helped me get a feel for the characters and see where this was going to lead me. I remember that I didn’t know where exactly to go then and just wanted to try writing it. It underwent a lot of changes during editing, but the general scene stayed the same!

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

This is a spoiler for the end obviously but:

“So, in the end, Craig repeats something a few times because he figures out that this is what he wants to do from now on. And it’s what we are doing and what we’ll keep doing in spite of everything.”

“Which is?” Even asks.

“Live.”

When I figured out that I could keep the “Life is now” moment in my fic, just differently, I was very stupidly happy about that.

5: What part was hardest to write?

The hardest part was making this different to canon and figuring out what I could keep without repeating canon. I’m not sure how well I managed that and if I were to rewrite that fic, I’d change more but seeing as it was my first AU I’m alright with what I’ve kept and changed.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

The integration of the quotes from the various poems tbh. I’m still proud of that and I still like that they’re not just randomly in there but that I actually went through all the poems (I mean, not a hardship I love them) and picked the things I thought were fitting.

Thank you so much for asking!

#answered #askybison #ask box games

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theliterateape · 4 years

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Going Down the Prepper Rabbit Hole

By Elizabeth Harper

Maybe I should reread Alice in Wonderland. I've read it multiple times, but never been that into it. During this coronavirus pandemic induced Stay-at-Home adventure, I’ve been fine staying at home, reading books, listening to records, playing dolls, etc. But I’m also worried about the world in general. I find myself going down the prepper rabbit hole. The other night I familiarized myself with terms like "Normalcy Bias” and "Bug Out Bag,” researched rain ponchos, emergency blankets, etc., tried to think what I really needed to include in an emergency evacuation first aid kit (am I ever really going to need a triangular bandage?), and on and on, etc., etc.

I wasn't worried about running out of Clorox wipes until I saw they’re prioritized for hospitals on Amazon and totally out of stock at Walgreens, Target, Walmart, Staples, etc.

My sister often says, “Our family is not surviving the zombie apocalypse.”

I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time on the ready.gov website, read all 204 pages of FEMA’s Are You Ready: An In-Depth Guide to Citizen Preparedness, even printed out the Prepare with Pedro Disaster Preparedness Activity Book featuring Pedro the Penguin and brought to you by the fine folks at FEMA and the American Red Cross. For a while, way before the current pandemic, I’ve had the feeling that the world is going to total shit. Are lying politicians the reason I feel that way? Yes, but they’re not the only reason I’m worried. I think about whether or not Chicago is a good place to be. I think it is. I don’t worry about tornados or hurricanes, but then I think about the flooding and extreme temperatures. I think it’s better being in a city with lots of services and resources rather than stranded out in the middle of nowhere. I figure the city will be relatively well-managed compared to other places because of all the people with money here. (I know there are flaws in that reasoning, and then questions about whose interests and needs will be protected and served.) But then, according to some survivalist-minded people, Chicago is one of the most dangerous places in the nation, likely to fall into feral anarchy (not the good kind of anarchy) if “Shit Hits The Fan.” But maybe those people are wrong, biased because of their ideological predilections. Maybe it will be the good kind of anarchy, based on cooperation, mutual aid, and respect.

Getting ready for an emergency has been on my to-do list for a while. There’s the ready.gov website with lists for what you should have on hand in case of an emergency. I’m ready in some ways, stocked up on some things, but there’s more to do and it’s overwhelming, especially because it’s hard for me to imagine (with any kind of accuracy or probability) what kind of emergencies would happen and how they would play out. I can’t imagine that somehow the whole city of Chicago wouldn’t have water, electricity, internet, etc. But then again, stuff happens, and there’s a first time for everything, unless it’s something that could never happen or actually exist. Do I actually need a tool for chopping wood? Is chopping wood something I would ever do? I look out my window at the trees in the park. Is there a circumstance likely to occur in which I would need to be chopping off tree branches? Events have happened that I don’t think about often because they haven’t happened recently, or they did and I got through them and forgot about them so I could just get on with life, such as it is: the Great Chicago Fire; the 1968 Illinois earthquake; gas shortages in the 1970s; the 1995 Chicago Heat Wave when all those people died; the North American blizzard of February of 2011 when the stores closed early because of snow, and cars on Lake Shore Drive got stuck in it; January 30th of 2019 when bars closed and shows were canceled because of the extreme cold, etc. Why has getting prepared for an emergency stayed on my to-do list for so long? I usually prioritize things that are time-sensitive, that have to get done by a quickly approaching deadline, and things I do for other people. This isn’t something I’ve decided to do on a second order level. I know I should pay attention to long term projects and things I do for myself. I just notice, in observing myself, that I tend to prioritize the immediate, near-term tasks done for other people. But also, items have to be researched and purchased. I don’t want to spend money on the wrong things, and it’s understandable that I prioritize purchasing those things I have an immediate need and use for over things I might need “just in case…” But also, I prioritize doing things that are fun and make me happy. Contemplating all the possible terrible things that could happen, what I would need to do, and what accessories I would need to have, is not fun for me. Apparently it is fun for some people who enjoy thinking about fighting the elements, animals, and other human beings for survival, dirty and sweaty and armed with a gun and a machete. I’m not getting a gun or a machete. I don’t know how to use those things, and I’m worried I would hurt myself trying to learn. Some people I know like to go camping. I don’t get it. I hate it. It seems like an inordinate amount of time, money, and effort spent just to be really uncomfortable. I went on a camping trip once when I was 15. It stands out as one of the most miserable experiences of my life. But maybe my friends who go camping have better survival skills than I do and know the best kind of gear to get.

Maybe what I really need for my Bug Out Bag emergency kit are suicide pills and alcohol to wash them down with. I wish I could buy those mini alcohol bottles that you get on airplanes in Chicago. Apparently a lethal dose of the preferred suicide drug of choice, secobarbital, is prohibitively expensive. Am I really going to spend $3,500 on something when I don’t know if I’ll ever need it, just in case? Will my health insurance cover suicide pills? Would my doctor even prescribe them? We totally need right to die posthaste.

(I don’t want to come across as insensitive, but this is my thought process. Federal, state, and city governmental agencies are telling each one of us that it’s our own individual responsibility to be prepared for all sorts of truly horrendous, practically unthinkable circumstances. We’re supposed to prepare to be dirty, uncomfortable, injured, hungry, and thirsty. If I’m in a situation where I’m being raped, threatened, tortured, and robbed, and I have to figure out how to chop wood, build fires, and tend to my own broken bones, only to get torn limb by limb and devoured by bears, or more likely, dogs, washing down pills with alcohol seems like a preferable option. I’m in my 50s. I’ve had some good times, but I’ve suffered enough. I’d like to have some control over my death in an uncontrollable world, a little death with dignity, s’il vous plait.)

I’m just frustrated with myself for not having all my various emergency kits and go-bags packed and ready to go already. And now I can’t even go to physical stores to browse, peruse, and ask salespeople for help. I’m doing what shopping I can online. But I think maybe I’m not the only one who doesn’t already have a battery-powered NOAA radio, emergency blankets, plastic sheeting, and all these other items everyone is supposed to have.

Some people buy very expensive bunkers to prepare themselves for these disaster situations, but I’m not those people. Let’s get real. If I did that, the bunker would need to come with its own robot staff to cook, clean, and do maintenance. I’m not roughing it.

#prepper #FEMA #Bug Out Bag #SHTF #secobarbital #emergency preparedness #being eaten by bears

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literate-passion · 7 years

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Letter 3A

I'm sorry you weren't gifted with any sexy stewardesses. I'm even sadder that I couldn't be going on that trip with you. We really need to get back to the beach. To find a secluded spot, and just lay there together. Letting ourselves be lost in the sound of the waves crashing before us. Those have always been some of my favorite memories, baby. The simple times. Laying on the beach. Dancing in the rain. Wrestling in the snow. The moments where, at the end of the day, it was just us in nature. Where we had gotten back to our natural roots. Our primal home. And reconnected with the part of us that longs to be a part of something greater than ourselves. To meld our spirits with all of those who had come before us. And to find ourselves disconnected from space and time. Where, at the end of the day, there is no work. There is only you, and me. And the moment. And the world stops around us. Time melts into the chaos around us. And ceases to retain its hold over our lives. We are not slaves to anyone. Or anything. We are merely two halves of one whole. Interlocking pieces which fit together so perfectly. With a synchronicity of thought, and of desire.

Everywhere you go, baby, they follow. They fall all over themselves to impress you. Because a woman of your level, is a rarity. Beyond the provocative manner, in which you dress, they don't know how to conduct themselves around a woman of your worldliness. A woman with your keen wit, and acerbic tongue. They see your face. The light of your eyes. The subtle curve of your lips. The softness of your cheek and chin. The perfect curve of your ear. The fiery red hue of your lipstick. They want to touch. They want to kiss. They want to be the ones who have a handful of your hair, giving you commands. Breathing heavily in your ear, while you tease and seduce them. They want to know the pleasures of your flesh. The sounds of your moans. The feeling of your body pressed against them in ecstasy. They will follow you everywhere, and try to ply your attention with drinks. Try to ply you with trinkets. Tokens of affection. But they'll never know your secrets. They'll never see you behind the face. When you take the world off. And you let the pretense go. And there is only you and me. Naked and unashamed. Or sweaty and disheveled. I'm honored to be the one you share these moments with.

I was looking at booking a flight back home, sometime in the next month or so. Depending on how much work I have. Right now, it's been relatively quiet. Which means that I may be able to extend my time with you to, at least a month. Plus, I have quite a bit of leave time available. So that would be extra nice. Maybe we could do a bit of traveling when I'm with you. Maybe we could take a riverboat cruise. An old paddle-wheeler. We can stand along the railing on one of the decks. We can watch the scenery pass us by, as I stand behind you with my hands on the rail. Feeling you pressing yourself into me, as we immerse ourselves in the sensations of the boat's movements...

I need you. I need to see you. I crave to touch you. To cup your cheek with my hand. To kiss you so deeply we lose our breath. To hold your body against mine, and feel our warmth reflecting off each other. When I see you again, as soon as we get home, I'm going to tear your clothes off. Take a hold of your hair, and hold your head back, and kiss your neck. Your ear. Your cheek. Your chin. Move down to your shoulder. I want to taste every last god damn inch of skin on your body. I need it. I miss the sweet saltiness of your skin. The softness against my lips. The feeling of your hard nipple between my lips. I want to kiss it. Lick it. Bite it. Suck it. I want to feel the softness of your breast in my hand. To squeeze. To knead. To caress. I need to feel the tautness of your stomach. The rigidity of your muscles against your soft skin. As my fingers glide over you. Or my tongue. Or my lips. Or my nose. Or my chin. I look forward to tasting your hip bones. Working my way down to between your legs. Parting your lips with my tongue. Teasing your clit. Sliding a finger inside you, to torment you. To prepare you. I need you, baby. I need to have you. To connect with you. I need to be lost in you. I antagonise your clit with my tongue. And occasionally nibble or suck on it. And slide my finger in and out of you, making sure to curve my fingers enough to work your gspot. I want your body good and ready for me. I push my abuse of your clit with my mouth harder. And pump two fingers in and out of you. I feel your hips rise and fall with my movement, as your body starts to resist. My fingers start to encounter your body pushing back. Then, as I fight to continue to pump them into you, your muscles draw them back in, and hold them. As your hips rise, your hands find my hair and pull my face into your pussy, and you cry out my name. I continue this pressure, as your calls get louder. And more breathless. Until your body just collapses in a heap before, and you begin to whisper my name over and over again. As you've come down, you look down at me, and see me gently kissing your pussy. Whispering dirty nothings to it, as you beg me to take you. You beg me to crawl up your body, and possess you. Own you. You shift to pull me up, with a fervor. A zeal. A passion that can only be seen by the fire and hunger in your eyes. When I have moved to where my face meets yours, you wrap both of your hands around my head, tangling your fingers in my hair, and you pull my face into yours. You kiss me like you hadn't seen me for years. You kiss and lick the taste of yourself off of me. Then shift your hips to wrap your legs around me. Grinding your hungry pussy against my eager cock. I rest my forehead against yours, as you part your lips with the tip of my cock, teasing yourself. Drawing out your desire. Drawing out the sensation. Drawing out the agony of your lust. You rub your clit against the tip of my cock, and moan. Your body squirms and shifts below me, as your fingers tighten in my hair. You break the kiss long enough to breathlessly beg me, again. You need me. You need to feel me. You need to feel whole. And with that, you shift your hips down to draw the tip of my cock into you. You look at me, one more time, not with that fire or hunger in your eyes. It has been replaced by something softer. You look at me with complete adoration and trust. With a love that defies comprehension or explanation. You kiss me softly, then whisper, “Take me, my love.” And I start to slide into you. Thus beginning our dance of pleasure. After slowly sliding all the way into you, your body squirms and tightens and rises and falls against me. You're breathless, but lost in complete happiness. Your eyes never break eye contact with me, from this point. We are one. We are exactly where we need to be. We are exactly where we should be. And we are sharing a dance that goes back thousands of years before our time. I slowly start to slide out of you, causing you to whimper, and breathe more shallowly. Your body doesn't want to lose this sensation. This fullness. This connection. When I've slid back sufficiently, you breathlessly whisper, “Please baby...” and I slide back into you. All the way. Your body sighs with relief. Satisfied in the knowledge that our connection isn't being severed. I move my hips, to withdraw, and your body fights me again. Your muscles resist my withdrawing, and try to pull me in. Try to hold me in. Your body doesn't want to let me go. I push back into you, deeper now. Tilting your hips to fill your body more. For you to feel more of me. For my cock, with my movements to tease your gspot. And our dance grows into synchronicity. Our rising and falling become one. Our bodies move metronomically to our own rhythm. And the passion in our movements. The intensity behind pushing our bodies into each other. The deliberateness of our interlocking. It grows. You could power a small city with the electricity flowing between us. The heat between us melts away the walls around us. The sound reflects off the the floor, the bed, the ceiling, the trees, the clouds. The animalistic fervor between us consumes us. And our movements grow more hurried. More impatient. More reckless. Our impending transcendence awaits us. That is our goal. Where our bodies fade away, and our two spirits conjoin. Where the two halves cease, and the whole exists. My hips move with a piston-like precision. Thrusting my cock in and out of your pussy. Deep. Fast. Hard. I can feel your body begin its rising toward its climax. I can feel you tighten around me. Thus drawing the rise of my own climax. You whimper, “Baby, I need it. Please...” as you close your eyes and scream. I push into you one last time, as far into you as my body will allow me to go, and I groan. You hiss, “Oh fuck, yessssssssssssss...” when you feel me plant my seed deep into your womb. You wrap your arms around me, in that moment, and pull me tightly to you. You whisper, “Baby, I love you so much.” As we both try to catch our breath. I kiss your lips, and I kiss your forehead, and whisper to you, “I love you, baby.”

I was rereading my favorite book again. Tropic of Cancer. There's something compelling in the search for one's artistic voice. The search for passion. And the feeling of connectedness with the universe around you. Most people will tell you it is a vulgar book, because of Miller's language. But they're really missing the point. It is about one man's struggle with himself, his voice, and the world around him. To say that I identify with it, would be a gross understatement. That was me. That was me, shortly after I moved to France, and was forced to be apart from you. I had no idea what to do with myself, so I read. I read things that reminded me of the passion between us, which sparked fires all around us. Where containing that passion wasn't even a thought. What good is passion, if it is hidden away. It should be shared. It should be released. It should be made to mingle with the fates, the muses, the angels, the demons, and faeries who populate this plane. Those poor bastards should be so lucky. Their envy should tell the story. They don't feel a passion, that grows from their core, their loins, their brain. They don't have you as a muse to seduce them. To inspire them. To complete them. Miller had his muse in Nin. And I have you.

My heart, my soul, and my body belong to you,

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