#i remember using a line about how he was a full fledged soldier before he lost his baby teeth in one of my fics T
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book 7 part 3 thoughts!!
***THIS POST CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7, PART 3 OF THE MAIN STORY AND MALLEUS’S DORM UNIFORM VIGNETTES.***
If you’d like to watch a rough part-by-part summarized translation, please check out this archived stream!
Please note: this is NOT meant to be a summary or a translation; these are only my initial thoughts on the events that unfold. There may be details overlooked or misunderstood in this post, so PLEASE do not use this as a translation.
LOL???? We start this part in Ignihyde 😂 with Idia getting a phone call from (OG/grown-up) Ortho??? Ortho says he’s enrolled at RSA and it’s Idia’s first year as a dorm leader????? What sorcery is this???? I-Is this Ortho’s dream…? Or is it Idia’s dream???
cnn kdveienskebe Okay, it’s Idia’s dream??? Oh gosh, he pictures Ortho as being the kind of heroic and kind-hearted person who would attend RSA if he were still alive… 😭
NOT THAT IMPORTANT but Idia games with Lilia and it’s cute :>
Idia is happy to go along with the call but then notices weird little discrepancies like how NRC’s opening ceremonies are at night (but Ortho called him during the day and Ortho is excited about NRC even though he himself is going to RSA)? He feels like something bad is going to happen…
AND SUDDENLY A WILD MALLEUS GREETS HIM???? Wow, he finally got invited— Gao-Gao Dragon-kun returns as a motif throughout episode 7, Idia seems super hype about it. Interestingly, it looks like Gap-Gao has evolved into a full-fledged dragon when Malleus shows it to Idia 🥺 The set-up is very similar to Idia’s + Ortho’s ceremonial robes stories, but in the original vignettes, Idia meets Malleus on the way to the ceremony and gets too scared, so Idia heads back to his dorm.
OMINOUS??????? Malleus is all like, “Gao-Gao was broken many tomes, but I fixed it and I intend to keep it this way for a long time”. This, of course, is him actually talking about what he’s done to prevent everyone from leaving him :)))
OMG WILD LILIA TOO
Entrance ceremony~ The characters repeat the exact same lines spoken during the prologue!! Deja vu~ Cool little easter egg there, this really is a redux but with nothing bad happening and Malleus actually invited and Idia physically present instead of just being a tablet— Something else weird is that Yuu and Grim don’t seem to be at the ceremony.
RSA is confirmed to have dorms and dorm leaders as well! No specific dorms are referenced though.
“I feel like I’ve forgotten something very important…” — Idia
Back to Diasomnia we go… and the expected Sleeping Beauty dream sequence from Yuu… Then Yuu wakes up to what seems to be the room Mickey described to them (from the animated short 1936 Thru the Mirror) but mirrored/flipped (the date on a calendar is written as 51), Also???? Yuu and Grim seem to remember the “real world”; they recall Malleus casting magic before they passed out. UHHHH they’re locked in the room and there are ghosts drawn on the windows. That’s weird, that’s suspicious 😳
THE FOOT STOOL (ottoman?) IS A DOG WITH A PUG FACE???? Wait… THIS IS MICKEY’S ROOM, ISN’T IT??? He literally described a foot stool thing that barks like a dog the last time he talked to Yuu.
WHAT everything is alive??? Beauty and the Beasting it… Grim eats a sketchy nut and temporarily becomes big (a la Alice in Wonderland), they mention there are mushrooms in the Queendom of Roses that have a similar effect.
OH MY GOD MEETING MICHARD REAL GONE WILD NOT CLICKBAIT
Mickey makes more Thru the Mirror references (he squirts ink at playing cards)? Then he mentions dancing about the queen (of Hearts!?) and the king getting mad about it… ordering the card soldiers to attack him. “I feel bad for the card soldiers.”
Mickey weirdly says something like. Their consciousnesses are in this place but their bodies are elsewhere. Mickey is going to help them look for their friends!! They sort of imply this is Mickey’s dream world, he starts vanishing because now it's morning... and now he is "waking" from the dream.
Blot??????????? They punch a monster thing????
HUH???? ??? ? ???? ? SILVER PULLS UP TO SAVE OUR ASSES???? 😭 We get his UM reveal as well! It's called "Meet in a Dream" (written as "Let's see the same dream") but we don't immediately get to see what it does because we cut away to the real world. The incantation for "Meet in a Dream" is roughly, "For the person/people I met before, for the person/people I will meet soon". IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING AURORA WOULD SAY WHILE WAITING FOR HER PRINCE THAT SHE DREAMED OF
Back at Diasomnia, Malleus is creepily humming over everyone sleeping...DHBFIYODSBFIOIOAF MORE IMPORTANTLY THOUGH, ORTHO'S CONSCIOUSNESS IS IN CYPERSPACE AND HE ACCESSES THE LAST MEMORIES HE HAD STORED BEFORE GETTING KNOCKED OUT (something, something... emergency protocols activated because Malleus emitted a high amount of blot)👁️ His hologram goes and tries to wake Idia up (lol I guess he did end up getting affected by Fae of Maleficence), then tries to connect to his spare bodies but their circuits are not working. He also tries playing music of Idia's favorite girl group to wake him (Idia usually wakes up and dances), but Idia still doesn't.
The time also seems to have not moved, just like during Endless Halloween Night. Wow, Malleus really decided to reject any and all change, even the passage of time...
Ortho realizes just how wide Malleus's spell has been cast (like, it seems to extend even to RSA which is on the other side of Sage's Island). That's... scary... x_x Guess no heroes are coming to save them, huh?
OMINOUS COMMENT: Ortho says that if people continue to dream like this without waking, they will miss out on food and water that their bodies need... and so they will DIE. They got like a week tops without water 🤡 and then their consciousnesses will remain forever trapped in the dream worlds????
STYX becomes relevant again! They get alerted to the blot levels on Sage's Island.
KJBLDVITUFUQFWOVYQFEOBAFIBAFI DIRECTOR SHROUD AND HiS WIFE SHOW UP???????? THEY GOT ON FULL-ON CYBERpUNK HELMETs ON TOO??? Mrs. Shroud sounds so young 😭 and she acts surprisingly cutesy???? She calls her husband “papa” and serves at STYX's technical director.
STYX forces on Sage's Island can't seem to penetrate it... UM IT SOUNDS LIKE MALLEUS'S MAGIC FIELD IS EXPANDING, STYX is going to evacuate people close to Sage's Island.
WEIRDLY, IDIA'S DAD COMMENTS THAT HE FEELS LIKE HE HAS SEEN THIS SCENE OF SPRAWLING THORNS BEFORE???? Mr. Shroud remarks that he has seen it in stories of the Thorn Witch. I-Is history… repeating itself?
Ortho gets in contact with STYX and Mrs. Shroud is soooo cute 😭 She calls him “Or-kun” and worriedly asks him about his older brother and if Ortho is hurt, etc.
So Malleus used ancient magic (regional dominion?) to control everything in that field?? Mr. Shroud says fairies in general have always historically had the magic to “change” the world/nature, like land forms and the weather.
Uhhhh so??? They that Malleus’s magic won’t ever run out because he can absorb power from the natural elements to fuel his magic??? His magic field will keep expanding… so Twisted Wonderland is pretty much fucked if they can’t stop him 💀
OH MAN Mrs. Shroud says they’re going to try and contact Briar Valley 🤡 though Grandma Shroud tried to in the past and it was difficult?
Aww, sort of sad?? Mr. Shroud implies he’s a normal person and that he’s dealing with geniuses that try to do things that he can’t.
The Briar Valley actually responded and try to help them break the barrier around Sage’s Island!! But it sounds like even they could not get past it…
Ortho transfers his consciousness to the Cerberus Gear body!! (Mrs. Shroud makes it for him!) It can last ~20 minutes inside the field. Two dogs will follow him; they have the Cerberus security system in them.
He’s the best suited for this investigation (it’s NOT meant to be a rescue, just a mission to collect info) because his existence defies nature itself; he is the culmination of human ingenuity and Malleus can’t overwrite that. Ortho promises to come back and to save his big brother, he doesn’t want the Shroud parents to lose “another son” 😢
LOL all the researchers are passed out on the floor, even Mr. Shroud was like. Sleeping under a table 😂
Not Mrs. Shroud joking about peeking at Idia’s password protected folders 💀 and not Idia leeching off of STYX’s wifi cuz he’ll die without high-speed internet to do his dailies…
Mrs. Shroud continues to be so wholesome and worried for her children, she encourages Ortho to come back if he’s scared or feels like he’s in danger. It’s so moe of her 🥺
Hmmm 🤔 the Shroud parents are definitely a lot different than what I thought they’d be?? They’re very warm and accepting of Ortho, especially Mrs. Shroud. I didn’t get that impression from book 6 and Idia’s post-OB flashback, it seemed like the Shroud parents were very hands-off and work oriented. Of the two, Mr. Shroud is definitely quieter and more stand-offish, so it seems like Idia takes after the dad and Ortho after the mom. It’s not a bad thing, I’m just surprised!! I’ll definitely keep this in mind while writing them moving forward.
Back to Mickey's world!! ... Suddenly, they're in the sky and comedically falling out of it???? They land outside of Diasomnia dorm.
HMMMMMM so Silver says that the “blot” he fought earlier is like… the darkness that appears in dreams. He has seen it many times. If the darkness catches you, it will drag you into an even deeper dream… and it seems like they fell into a new dream because Mickey woke up (so Mickey’s dream crumbled).
“Meet in a Dream” allows him to enter the dream world of people who have a bond with him. So… there is a preexisting connection Silver has with Mickey????
Silver has??? Met Mickey before in his dreams?? This confirms the story Mickey told us before of seeing a silver-haired boy. Usually the dreamer does not remember him being there, but Mickey for some reason COULD remember Silver. (When Silver himself wakes up from the dreams, he doesn’t remember them.)
bcsksbiexbkss OMG POOR LAD????? Silver has tried to wake up before by punching himself and by bashing his head against rocks (to no success).
He doesn’t 100% understand his power or dreams yet, but he describes each dream to us as its own landscape? It’s an oddly artistic way of describing it but I guess without the context of Malleus trapping them all there it calling them “landscapes” is nice!!
Silver says he somehow stumbled into Mickey’s dream while following a bird that shone with rainbow colors. Ho-Oh is that you (A bird that gives the illusion of rainbow colors… It sounds similar to the white birds Kalim borrowed in his dorm story vignettes from Silver.)
There are other stipulations to using his UM; Silver has to be sleeping AND be aware that he is dreaming in order for him to dream walk. He also can’t decide whose dreams he ends up in. Silver eerily mentions that he cannot escape from dream worlds, not unless the dreamer wakes up or the dreamer/Silver gets a large enough shock.
Silver falls through the sky to get to new dreams? He calls these transitions “dream corridors”. He describes dreams as places of memories and wishes, making up one’s greatest desires… but also meaning different things to different people.
They enter Diasomnia and IN COMES SEBEK SHOUTING AT THEM??? Apparently there's a party going on at Diasomnia to send Malleus and Lilia off for their internships. (There is a little glowing fairy thing flying around Sebek which indicates that Sebek is the dreamer. We did not previously see this light around Mickey.) Sebek rushes them to the party where everyone else is waiting!!
Oooh, we hear what Lilia’s internship might have been! He would be going into a company that specializes in making magical tools for medicine/health; his reasoning is that the Briar Valley has people who are not used to technology, and Lilia wants to be able to make their lives easier by introducing these technologies to them. Malleus’s archeological internship would be in the Land of Crimson Long.
BRUH 😭 Dream!Lilia says he will stay in their forest cottage where he raised Silver for the rest of his life, he’s not leaving.
Silver calls them out on the bullcrap, calling the situation for what it truly is. “This is just a convenient dream!” It’s fake, it’s all wrong. He shouts at on point, which is something be rarely ever does; the last time I can recall him shouting is back at the end of Endless Halloween Night.
ERRRRR (real) Malleus is monitoring all of their dream worlds, that’s 100x more creepy than anything Rook can do 💀 Malleus is justifying this by using his position as to-be king; “it’s only natural for a king to watch over his subjects”, that kind of thing. Leona would be hella pissed—
Eh? EH????? WE'RE PUNCHING SEBEK NOW (he’s protecting Malleus). And so we beat him up and Sebek finally remembers reality. (I think the implication is that by beating him up, they’re “shocking” the dreamer awake.) Sebek begrudgingly joins our party!! ✨
bhlBFYUVAIFAIAFDIL I OH NO, MALLEUS IS MAD THAT SILVER IS “AWAKE”
AYO OB MALLEUS BATTLE, HIS PHANTOM IS MALEFICENT'S DRAGON FORM, IT’S TIME TO GASLIGHT, GATEKEEP, GIRLBOSS (before revealing his OB form, he was really trying to convince us it’s not a dream when we said it was one + confused Grim with his claims, then lowkey threatened us by saying “if you keep talking, I won’t forgive you”.) That’s… scarily accurate for how real emotional manipulators act 😬
I kept being reminded of Malleus’s dorm uniform vignettes around this point in the main story. In the vignettes, Malleus teleports the dorm leaders (without consent) to Diasomnia to hold a meeting, and they become upset with him for treating them like objects. Malleus is STILL treating living beings like objects (even if he does care for them). Look at what he’s doing: he doesn’t think about what they want, he’s manipulating them again, and even earlier he implied they and Gao-Gao were the same… Broken things that have been repaired, and that he intends to keep this way forever.
Silver grabs their hands and says they’ll jump into another dream!! LOL 😂 Sebek’s being tsundere at the worst of times… “I WOULD NEVER HOLD YOUR HAND!!!” SEBEK PLEASE, NOT NOW!?????? We’RE GonNA DiE
Malleus tries to force them back under, but a sparkling light "like an aurora" compels Silver to not succumb. Silver asks his father to give him power while clutching onto the ring on a chain that Lilia imparted to him. AWWW SILVER 😭
This time they wake up in a forest and get surrounded by masked people who speak in... animal sounds??? It may be a fairy language; in Fairy Gala: If we learn that different kinds of fae communicate in different ways (for example, the diurnal fae speak in like bell chimes). Sebek seems to understand what they are saying... so maybe the language of the nocturnal fae????
AYO THE MIDDLE ONE KINDA LOOKS LIKE CROWLEY... EVEN THE EYES GLOW YELLOW LIKE HIS DO???? IS IT JUST THE MASK SHAPE???? OR WAS CROWLEY A WAR VET??????? ??????? ?? ?? ? (Side note: I think these masked NPCs are meant to resemble Maleficient's minions!)
There is also what appears to be the sound effects of canon fire??? Is this… a battleground?? The human-fairy war?????? (The masked men are soldiers that report to Lilia!)
FKJLADFIHLAFSLIHAFLIADFILETasasutvfetoqevb WHAT WHAT WHAT???!?!?!?!?!?!?!? LONG HAIR LILIA SHOWS UP IN A MASK AND SAVES THEM???? HE’S USING HIS CLEAVER TOO (this is his dream for sure now 😭)
So in Lilia’s new design, we see that there are green gems hanging off of him; these may be magical gems or the special ore he mentioned his weapon is made from (which is very rare in modern times).
If you look closely, his hair streaks are dark red instead of bright magenta. This lines up with one of Lilia’s voice lines in which he expresses dying his hair different colors depending on his whims.
Every warrior seems to be wearing a mask? And we can see their eyes glow (I wonder if this is a trait of nocturnal fae)? The masks may be there as s cultural thing or maybe as a tactic to obscure their faces from their enemies.
It’s odd that Lilia’s dream seems to be of war time??? Because Malleus’s magic is meant to give them happy dreams, but surely Lilia doesn’t think of war time as a happy period of his life???? Maybe that will be better explained in the next update??
AAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHH??????? ? ?????? ? ? ? ? ? ? THAT'S THE END OF THE PART 3 UPDATE???? ? ?? ??? ? TWST, YOU REALLY GONNA CUT US OFF LIKE THIS?? ???? ? ? ? ???????? ? ? 🫠 WE’RE ONLY At PART 55 AnD SO MUcH SHiT hAS GONE dOWN…………………..,,..,,, …….. ….. … . .. . .. . . .
#Diasomnia#twst#twisted wonderland#Malleus Draconia#Lilia Vanrouge#Silver#Sebek Zigvolt#notes from the writing raven#spoilers#disney twisted wonderland#Idia Shroud#Ortho Shroud#Ignihyde#Yuu#Grim#Mickey Mouse
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The Offer: Chapter 1
Introductions
Pairing: ClanLeader!Mando x Reader (no y/n)
Rating: Explicit (for future chapters)
Word Count: 2.6k
Warnings: Mentions of violence, Blood, Injury, Longing, Pet names
A/N: After the feedback on my preview, I decided to make this into a full-fledge fic. This chapter is a little slow in terms of action but I wanted to establish some things before we dived into filth. I’m honestly so excited and I hope y’all enjoy. Comments and feedback always appreciated. ClanLeader!Au created by @magichandthing
Chapter 2
P.S. Mira is an OC I created for this story and she will be in future chapters.
P.P.S. I also posted it on AO3 if you prefer that forum.
Summary: You run into a Mandalorian who wants to repay a debt. Little did you know you'd meet the most alluring man along the way. Din Djarin.
“Have you thought about my offer?”
“Yes, I have,” you sighed.
“And?”
“I accept"
—
You can’t recall when the calm began and the fighting ended. For most, the lines between peace and war blurred a long time ago. It certainly affected the locals of the planet you were currently living on. Manual labor was the only thing you could offer to the galaxy, picking up jobs here and there to buy rations of food. Scavenging for metals, digging, harvesting, and menial tasks were all that made up your day. You survived this long, longer than your family, longer than most of the galaxy, but it felt part of you had died long ago.
After the empire, life was truly never the same for anyone. They drained the galaxy of everything it had, leaving destruction and barrenness in its wake. The Imps had caused most of the galaxy to become a shell of what it once was, the only thing that seemed to thrive was lawlessness. You saw it in the faces of people in the market, in the seemingly empty homes that ran alongside the town, an emptiness that was buried deep in wounds trying so desperately to heal.
Everyone tried to live their lives just as they have done before. Children still played in the streets, people walked together laughing, but the happiness was only skin deep, masking the grief of the galaxy. It was something that ate away at you, an emptiness that created a growing void over time. You could feel your mind falling away, going numb to the routine of your life. Your conscious embraced something that seemed to root from deep inside you, it had burrowed into your soul one ago, slowly eating away at the rest of you. It was becoming suffocating, exhausting you past the point any manual labor could. You feared you would never escape its clutch. Living and working and dying on this horrible little planet, where no one would miss you. Your loneliness became your one solace and your worst enemy. Alone, all you could do was immerse yourself in work, trying desperately to hold onto something you never had in the first place. It was a vicious cycle you weren’t sure could ever be broken. That was until the woman happened.
You couldn’t remember exactly what transpired. How any of it happened really. It was a day like any other, just as routine and conventional as they had been since you got here. You do remember being smacked across the face with something hard, falling to the ground. The taste of copper flooding your senses, and wetness pouring down your face. You had reached up to cradle yourself, blood seeping through your fingertips.
Everything surrounding that moment was a blur. The woman had offered her hand, apologizing for the injury. You had seen her before; walking through the market and even arguing with some of the townsfolk. She was truly hard to miss, she walked with a swagger of confidence and carried practically every weapon known to the galaxy on her back. She was always dressed in a maroon color, her armor is the only thing that offsets the monochromatic trend. It was much different than anything she had seen before.
If anyone else stood in her place you would've fled fearing the worst, but your mind was muddled, unable to comprehend the Mandalorian standing above you. Something was different about her, at least from the other mercenaries that came through. You had witnessed her differing moral compass at work before. She once threatened a man who came through town, a common criminal like most who came through. Unlucky for him, he robbed one of the places she frequented, taking the entirety of the merchants’ earnings. Everyone, including yourself, just stood by, too afraid of the confrontation. She, however, intercepted him before he could leave, disarming him quickly and leaving his unconscious body on the ground. She gave the credits back to the merchant.
“There is no honor among thieves,” she had huffed, annoyed with the disturbance of her day.
As she turned to leave you spoke up, asking her why she had even bothered.
“This is the way.”
—
“How long have you lived on this planet?” She inquired, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall. Her helmet glinted in the sunlight, causing her presence to practically glow in the shade of the alleyway.
“Long enough,” you huffed, holding a cloth to your nose trying to reduce the bleeding. Why would she ask such a question? Since when did Mandalorians care for small talk?
“You don’t like it?” The woman didn’t sound surprised. Her tone rolled in an almost sarcastic way.
You just huffed in response. You hoped if you seemed uninterested the woman would leave you alone. It felt like an interrogation, intimidated by the domineering presence of a Mandalorian. At this point, you just wanted to return to your day, no matter how draining it would be.
“Would you like to leave?”
Those words rang in your ears, echoing even now as you sat in the belly of the woman’s ship, being carted off to a planet unrecognizable. The dizziness from earlier seemed to subside, especially since the woman gave you a shot of some sort, claiming it would help.
“Where are we going?” you mumbled.
“To my clan,” the woman responded, busying herself with the controls in front of her.
“Your clan?”
“To my home,” she clarified, not bothering to look up. “You will be welcome there and can rest, heal.”
“You’re taking me to your home because of this?” you gestured to your face, no doubt bruised and blooded. If it looked as bad as it had felt, you were sure it wasn’t pretty.
She paused in her actions, thinking carefully about her next words.
“It is my fault you sustained these injuries, you were innocent and did not deserve my wrath. Therefore, I will make sure you are healed and it will be much more comfortable for both of us if we return to my clan.”
The Mandalorian seemed unbothered by the notion of taking a stranger back to her home as if she does it regularly. But you figured it didn’t concern you. If this Mandalorian and her clan lived up to the stories you heard, they weren’t afraid of anyone.
“What’s your name?” you asked. If you were going to be staying, you couldn’t keep referring to her as “the woman.”
“You can call me Mira.”
—
The rest of the flight was spent in silence. You eventually moved to sit with Mira in the cockpit. Watching as she worked to prepare the ship for landing. You wondered what Mira’s home would be like. The Mandalorians were known to be the fiercest warriors in the galaxy. You had heard the stories before; tales of battle, triumph, and loss. Stories of the most formidable soldiers in the galaxy.
Regret started to cloud the corners of your mind. Fear of what you had gotten yourself into seeped into your chest, tightening your rib cage with each breath you took. Truly, you had no desire to stay and heal with Mira, you mainly wanted to escape her life previously. Opportunities to leave we’re few, especially with no status in the New Republic. When Mira had offered, there was no hesitation to get off that forsaken planet. You weren’t sure if things went sour you would be strong enough to get yourself out of it.
When the ship fell out of hyperspace, Mira’s home finally came into view. It definitely wasn’t what you expected, it was such a beautiful and peaceful looking place, tucked away in the far corners of the galaxy.
The planet was covered in a green lushness, the sky littered with enormous clouds that reflected the sun giving them faint hues of color. As you entered through the atmosphere, you saw the planet was lined with dense areas of forest. Trees reached the heavens, with fat brightly colored leaves adorning them. The forests stretched for most of the planet's surface, with large mountains that loomed far in the distance.
Mira landed in a clearing on the edge of a forest. Some other ships surrounded them, you recognized a few of the models from your time working as an apprentice. You figured these probably belonged to the rest of Mira’s clan. Mira couldn’t have been the only one who left the planet.
You stood staring at the mountains while Mira unloaded your ship. You had never seen a place this mesmerizing in your life. The sun was beginning to set, painting the landscape in red and purple rays. The air was fresh and crisp, filling your lungs with a gentleness you hadn’t felt in years. Everything seemed so bright and livid compared to your previous homes.
Mira called for you, climbing onto the back of a speeder driven by an R2 unit, loaded with supplies. You murmured an apology, settling among the crates and stretching your feet in front of you, Mira did the same mirroring her position.
“It will take some time to get to the village.” Mira’s tone was passive, in a matter of fact sort of way.
You gave a nod to let her know you heard her. As you tried to sleep, cushioned by the bags lining the speeder, you were reminded of the dull ache still permeating your face. The excitement of arrival had clouded the pain, but as you sat consumed by only your thoughts, it returned. Your face was no doubt swollen and puffy. You just hoped your nose wasn’t broken, you hoped it was nothing more than some swelling. Exhaustion was creeping up, and you wanted to succumb to it but the persistent throb of pain kept you from it.
Suddenly the speeder came to an abrupt halt, jolting you to the side.
“We’re here,” Mira started getting up and slinging sacks of supplies over her shoulders. “Follow me.”
You got up to follow as quickly as your legs would let you, holding onto the crates for support, your balance became unsteady as the pain pulsed harder. Whatever Mira originally gave you was wearing off. Before you could step foot off the speeder you were overwhelmed by the presence of what you can only gather is Mira’s clan.
People rushed to the speeder to help unload, brushing past you except for a curious glance. Most of them wore helmets like Mira, some of them didn’t. Either way, it was hard to keep track of the direction Mira moved. You were sure you’d lost her until you saw the glint of her helmet ahead.
That woman moves entirely too fast.
You continued to follow her, securing your own bag across your shoulders. You tried to move quickly, bumping into people on the way. You apologized to everyone you ran into, which was seemingly the entire clan at this point. You could feel the embarrassment rising, you just wanted to find Mira and it was getting frustrating at this point. It was hard to focus on the surroundings with the pain shooting through your skull. You nearly fell and ran into something you were sure was a wall. It was firm whatever it was and caused you to wince, jolting back from the pain that pulsed in her face.
“Easy,” a voice said that was much deeper than Mira’s.
Arms came up to steady you, and a warmth radiated towards you. You looked up and saw a dark visor staring back at you that was certainly not Mira’s
He was a Mandalorian but stood out from the rest in a way that demanded attention. His authoritative demeanor rolled off him in ways. His helmet was shiny and unlike Mira’s, two large tusks jutted out from the bottom, curling around to the front of his mask. His clothes were the same deep maroon Mira donned. He wore a cape with a large fur that sat on his pauldron covered shoulders, draping down his back. His forearms were accented with sleeves made of leather and cloth that bleed into a tattooed pattern tracing along his arms. Yet, his chest was bare except for the necklaces he wore; round beads and animal teeth were woven together to sit in the middle, set off by the toned muscle of his chest and torso. At his waist was a thick belt with a large buckle resting in the middle. It shone with the same luster as his helmet, it was molded into the shape of some creature. It seemed familiar but no matter how hard you tried to focus, you couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was.
His fingers lightly traced your chin, bringing your eyes back up to his visor. You didn’t realize you were just standing there, ogling over him. It was entirely unintentional, you had never seen anything like him before. You felt scolded like a child, almost embarrassed by your staring. Face suddenly growing very hot under his gaze.
“You must watch where you’re going,” his hushed baritone hit her ears, “or you’ll hurt yourself.” That voice quite possibly the most heavenly sound you had heard. You willed herself to speak but nothing came out, your mind was completely blank. It was as if you were stuck, only able to stare back up into this stranger.
“It’s a little too late for that,” Mira appeared to his right, arms crossed over her chest. The man turned to her and offered Mira a greeting in an unfamiliar language. They shook, hands clasped together at the forearms as if they were old friends.
“Who is this sweet girl?” The man asked, turning back towards you. The name he called you did not go unnoticed, and you felt your face getting even hotter. Mira began to explain the details of your meeting.
Mira refers to your injuries, and gently takes your chin and tilts your head so the Mandalorian can examine it better. Your instincts told you to run, to go anywhere else but here, but you remained planted firm to the ground. They were so close to you, examining as if you were just some object. You couldn’t even see their faces and yet they overwhelmed you. You had never wanted to disappear so badly at that moment.
They continued conversing in whatever native tongue they possessed. You stood there feeling much too exposed for your liking. More people seemed to notice your presence, looking in the direction of the three of you. Some murmured, looking between you and the two Mandalorians. There was no malice behind their intentions; you knew this but standing there with all those eyes watching your every move was not where you wanted to be.
Eventually, the man gestured to something behind him, Mira nodded and took a hold of your arm leading you away.
“One of the elders will be with us to help you shortly,” Mira led you in the direction of what you assumed was her home. You didn't even register you had moved until you were almost inside. You weren’t entirely sure if it was your wounds or the domineering exchange between the Mandalorian that left you light headed. Either way, you wanted nothing more than to lay down in a quiet place and hide away from the events of the past days.
You glanced back at the speeder, the Mandalorian was still in the same spot where he intercepted you, watching you both walk away. You turned back to Mira.
“Who was that man?” You asked much more enthusiastically than you would have liked. You couldn't lie and say he didn't intrigue you. His aura was overpowering but also enticed you in a way you couldn't explain.
“That was our clan leader, Din Djarin.”
#the mandalorian#the mandalorian fanfiction#the mandalorian x reader#star wars fan fiction#star wars#din djarin#din djarin x reader#din djarin x you#the mandalorian x you#clan leader au#clan leader mando#the mandalorian fic#the mandalorian imagine#dyn jarren#dyn djarin x reader#mando x you#mando x reader#mando#my writing#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader
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Branded - Chapter 31
Pairing: Demon!Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: The memories come to an end
(This is a fan AU of Falling’s Just Another Way to Fly by araniaart . Please check out this incredible series for all of your demon Bucky needs.)
AO3
It didn’t matter that they dragged him, restrained with glyphed chains and shackles, through a glowing portal that had looked very similar to the one he’d first gone through.
It didn’t matter that their headquarters seemed to be an old manor filled with strange artifacts and old furniture.
It didn’t matter that they told him, after throwing him into a basement cell lined with glyphs, that they were a group called the Masters of the Mystic Arts.
They were HYDRA and they were going to use him like they always used him. Bucky expected Colonel Vasily Karpov to walk through the door any moment, but his only visitor was a soft-spoken bald woman. She was pale, unnaturally so, and had a very precise way of speaking. She apparently knew who he was but would only refer to him as “James.”
He hated it. Hated her sweet words given through iron bars. It was no different than how Fairbanks had treated him. Tricked Bucky with promises of hot meals, warm baths, and protection from the guards if he would just cooperate with Fairbanks’ vision.
But that’s not what the woman asked of him. Bucky didn’t know what she wanted. She would visit him, talk to him, ask him questions about his life before HYDRA. His captors had never done that before, had never encouraged him to talk about his past as a human before they managed to burn away his memories and trick him into believing he was a full-fledged demon.
It was confusing, even more so when he was moved out of the cell and into a proper room. He still had to wear the bespelled shackles that left him weak and harmless, but they didn’t beat him or taunt him or force him to feed. In fact, the woman, who called herself the Ancient One like it was an actual title, gave him a tonic that would make the hunger go away.
Bucky didn’t believe a damn word she said. He remembered the last time he’d been offered something like this from Lukin. It had been a salve that had artificially induced his next heat, and he’d been mocked cruelly before Lukin would allow his men to sate Bucky’s cursed hunger.
And now that same hunger grew so strong that eventually Bucky drank the liquid, because nothing could be worse than the agony twisting through his body. To his eternal shock, it helped. Made the searing desire in his gut vanish into a dull ache.
That was when Bucky had finally begun to believe her. This wasn’t HYDRA, and he wasn’t going to be used as a weapon again. When he’d told the Ancient One of his conclusions, she had smiled and said, “I know that must have been very difficult for you, James. I appreciate your trust.”
Bucky wouldn’t go that far, he was a long way from trusting his new captors, but when she returned the stuffed cat to him with the strange advice that he should “take care of precious things,” he was well on his way to tolerating her.
For the next few months, Bucky spent his time relearning how to be a person. He rediscovered his love of knowledge, and the Sanctum provided much of that. The books, especially. He was fascinated by the large, bound tomes that smelled like dust and forgotten time. Focusing on consuming as many books as possible was a way for him to adjust to living as a… well, as a human again.
The Ancient One had encouraged his time in the library once she trusted him with having more access to the Sanctum. The other sorcerers had wanted to keep Bucky contained in the glyph-warded cell, but she told them, “If you cage a man like an animal, expect him to act as a beast.”
Bucky was growing quite fond of her.
For the first time in a long time, Bucky wasn’t hypervigilant and waiting for the next attack, whether from HYDRA soldiers or other demons. He was healing, very slowly recovering from the decades of traumatic memories he had to sort through. It was even more confusing with the “time dilation” he’d experienced in the demon realm. Forty-eight years had passed for him when only four years had passed on Earth. It was 1995, he was in New York City, and his only acquaintances were a sect of secretive sorcerers who kept him locked up in an ancient manor.
Things could have been worse, all things considered.
Something did happen one day to dampen his spirits. It was a warm early summer day, and they were enjoying the sunshine within the Sanctum rooftop garden. The Ancient One was training him to extend his guise around his clawed feet to make them appear as if he was wearing boots. She insisted it was possible, that Bucky had already shown an affinity for magic with his ability to take away, and later they learned, share memories.
But making his demonic aspects disappear was one thing, trying to create illusionary clothing was another, and he was growing frustrated with his efforts, or lack thereof.
“Fairbanks told me my transformation was complete,” Bucky grumbled, staring at his clawed feet as if they’d done him personal wrong. “There weren’t supposed to be any more changes, but now I have to lug these things around.”
He flexed his talons to demonstrate his meaning, grimacing at the animalistic shape of them. At least with his other changes, he’d managed to guise himself enough to look human. Now, with this…
“As if I didn’t already look like a monster,” he muttered.
“Evil men lie. You know this more intimately than most.” The Ancient One seemed almost distracted, staring over the rooftop and toward the city skyline. Then she turned toward him, her smile muted in sadness. “You’re no monster, James.”
Bucky looked away, unable to look at such sincerity for too long. She really did believe what she said.
“This isn’t working.” He sat back with a huff. “I can’t do it.”
Instead of her mild chastisement for giving up so easily, the Ancient One remained silent. Bucky looked up to find her staring off to the side again, her gaze fixed on something that wasn’t there.
“What’s wrong?”
She blinked and turned back to him, giving him one of those small smiles.
“Nothing, James. Why do you ask?”
“You seem distracted.” She was never distracted. Thoughtful and meditative, sure, but never unfocused like she’d been all day.
“Mmm,” she hummed. “I thought I heard a voice.”
Bucky’s stomach dropped, mired with guilt. He’d forgotten all about his own mysterious voice. He experienced the same shade of guilt and grief whenever he remembered what had happened to Steve. Died saving the world, not long after Bucky had been imprisoned. And here Bucky was, alive and whole, and he hadn’t bothered to think about the entity, real or imagined, that had kept him from going insane in the demon realm. It had helped him remember who he was and kept at bay the devastating loneliness.
He could barely remember what the voice sounded like.
He opened his mouth to ask her to explain what she meant, but the Ancient One clapped her hands together and said, “Let us try again. You’re letting your frustration get the better of you. Focus on what you desire and shape it into the world.”
Bucky sighed and unwillingly turned back to his lessons, the weight of loneliness still lingering at the back of his mind.
***
“This isn’t working.”
You watched Bucky struggle, unable to help or communicate with him. Not like you’d done before. Trapped on the demon world, Bucky had somehow been able to hear you. Even talk to you.
You’d almost forgotten who you were in that place. It had been so easy to just be with Bucky, to sink into his mind and be so close you weren’t sure who was who. And then you’d been jostled awake when he’d had leapt through the portal. It had been agony, split in two, and you’d been torn from Bucky and forced back into your own non-corporeal state.
And that’s where you’d remained. Seeing yourself as a child lose your memories. Forced to watch Bucky feed and suffer and then be captured, but when you’d realized who had him, you’d been relieved for the first time since being trapped in Bucky’s memories.
Now that you knew the Ancient One, had witnessed firsthand how kind and gentle she was with Bucky, you were shamed by your previous jealousy. She grew on you, and after a time, you felt like you knew her just as well as Bucky did.
Perhaps that explained what happened next.
“I can’t do it.”
Bucky’s frustration was aimed at the Ancient One, but she paid him no attention. Her eyes were focused directly on the spot where you stood.
The world grew quiet and still. The wizards around you, moving to and from their tasks, were now frozen in midstride. The water bubbling up from a nearby fountain hung in the air like a glass sculpture. Bucky sat half-hunched on the stone bench, glaring at his clawed feet.
Cold fear washed through your non-spine as the Ancient One smiled.
“Ah, there you are.”
You glanced around just to be extra sure she was addressing you, but the world was still frozen. Even the air was a dead weight against your skin.
“You…” Your voice trembled, unused in so long. “You can see me?”
“Of course,” she said, addressing you by name just to make the moment more surreal. “I sensed James had a passenger. How long have you been attached to him?”
Horror, hope, terror, all of it vied for control. Your next words were a messy jumble.
“I… I don’t know. I was, we were just. He was showing me his memories, but they were the wrong ones, and I got stuck—Please, you have to help me!”
The Ancient One raised a hand, palm toward you in a soothing manner.
“It’s all right. There’s no need to be afraid. Take your time, for we have plenty of it.”
You closed your mouth and took a deep breath, allowing the tension to leech from your muscles.
“That’s better,” she said, her voice smooth and her smile kind. “We shall start with something simple. Have we met before?”
“I… no. I don’t think so.” That was something simple? “I mean, I thought you were…”
Your voice trailed off into silence. Were you supposed to tell her she was dead? Or… would be dead. How were you even able to speak to her? Wasn’t this just a memory? You couldn’t affect a memory, right?
“Ah.” She gave you a knowing look. “I see.”
Her gaze drifted down to where Bucky sat, her expression fond. She didn’t seem to be very upset with the fact she would be dead sometime in the future.
“I take it you are important to James? You must be, for him to willingly share his memories with you.”
“I… yes,” you said, following her gaze to Bucky. Even now in a strange, frozen moment, you ached to touch him again. Hell, you ached just to speak with him, for him to see you and know you again. Being a stranger to Bucky was unbearable. “He’s important to me, too.”
“I sense that is true. Perhaps more than you realize.”
After a moment of quietness, she met your eye again. Something had shifted within her, and her tone grew serious.
“To answer the question you wish to ask, this is James’ memory, but it is also your present. You are untethered from reality and trapped in a time-loop.”
“A… a what?”
“It’s very fortunate I found you at this moment, in this place,” she continued as if you hadn’t spoken. “I suspect you would have been trapped, until such a time you would have caught up to the place you had become untethered, and time would have repeated itself.”
Her eyes darkened and the smile was gone. You wanted to retreat but your feet, as they had been from the start, were unable to move.
“Journeying through time is extremely dangerous.” There was thunder in her words, quiet but frightening, and you wanted to recoil. “Who is your teacher? Surely they would not have been so negligent with your education.”
“I—“ You swallowed hard. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. A teacher? For what?”
She stared at you for a hard minute, expression never changing, and in that moment you could sense the vast, unknowable power that lingered within this seemingly frail-looking woman.
“Listen to me well, young one,” she said. “When you return to your present, seek out the Sorcerer Supreme. I will not gaze forward to see who it is, as one should not know too much of their own fate. But when you return, go to the leader of the Order, and tell them I said…”
Her gaze dropped downward, a fond smile tugging at the corner of her lips. Even though you didn’t technically had lungs, you could breathe easier now that her dark gaze was gone.
“Tell them it’s their responsibility to shape the future of our kind. No matter what tests they’ve conducted or conclusions they’ve come to, you must be taught our ways. Neglecting to do so will result in consequences like these. Or worse.”
The Ancient One clapped her hands together again, the oversized sleeves pooling at her elbow to expose her thin arms.
“Now, it’s time I send you back, yes? Oh, one last thing.”
“Oh. Uh, y-yeah?”
“When the moment comes and the obvious choice feels wrong…” She looked you directly in the eye, a piercing gaze that went right through. “…trust yourself to find a different answer. Do not doubt yourself, even while others will. Your life, and James’, both depend on it. Do you understand?”
“Uh—no,” you stuttered. “No, I don’t understand—Wait!”
Your protest went unheeded as the Ancient One moved toward you while also remaining firmly in place. A shimmering second copy of her walked across the stone, raised a palm, and shoved you hard in the chest.
Gasping and clutching your shirt, you bolted upright with a cry. You were back in your bedroom, sprawled out on your bed and panting as if you’d run a marathon.
And Bucky was staring down at you with complete and utter horror.
Next Chapter
#branded#demon!bucky barnes#demon!bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#my writing#my fanfiction
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dinner and diatribes
a/n: Hello! I put it off as long as I could but I just HAD to start writing. So, Here it is, my first BoB fic! Any and all feedback is appreciated.
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After graduating and settling into the swing of the life you wanted to live, the universe seemed to actively work against you.
You did not get accepted into the college of your dreams. And the underfunded local university you wasted away at was the bane of your existence. You could barely land a job with all the hours you were required to stick to campus, and only made enough money walking dogs and watering plants to pay for tuition and the occasional new outfit.
When you started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, with a few hundred saved away, and some time opening up to find career opportunities, the chatter about war turned from gossip to gospel.
In fact, you'd made it all the way to the opposite side of a fine mahogany desk for your first full fledged interview when your dreams were promptly crushed. The man meant to interview you rushed in with flustered news he'd only just found out himself. He told you the company was shutting down. All the nation's money was being sorted to aid in the war. The president had called for rationing to start.
The man was near tears when he asked you to leave, replacing a goodbye with a hopeful wish you might be able to come back again one day.
You marched home at a loss. And the worst thing of all, was the fact that you didn't seem to have anyone to talk to about it all.
The best of your friends had moved away one by one, well meaning phone calls only coming from a couple now and again. Some weekends you managed a stroll through the park with Janice Dean. And you hadn't missed a single one of Rudy Delacroix's card parties. But the one friend you'd always been able to call upon seemed ever less interested in being a part of your life.
Joe was busy as everyone else, you knew. But when he started canceling long standing plans, and forcing smiles when you skipped up to ask him on a last minute adventure, you realized something must have been very wrong.
Over breakfast you'd prod him for answers. He'd joke about the state of the world and steal what was left on your plate. So, nothing could have been too wrong. Right?
Joe always entertained your random stops by, and offered you drinks and listened to you complain about uni. He’d curse the place and drag you to pubs and sneak you into films and waste hours by the waterfront laughing about nothing with you. He’d go great lengths to help you forget your dreary days, even if just for a moment. But lately you noticed Joe had stopped trading his own complaints- the kind he claimedvno one else would tolerate hearing besides you.
And then… he stopped talking at all. Right when you figured it was time to ask what the hell the matter was. Joe wasn't at his place last you swung by, like you so often did. He didn't come around yours like he so often managed. He didn't answer his phone when you rang, and a real worry sprouted through you when the next time you tried, the line went dead.
And then you did see Joe. At the local grocer. You spotted his profile across the aisle and moved to meet him. And he clearly saw you too. When he did, he moved the other way, and disappeared from the stall all together, leaving you to panic over what you might've said or done to upset him so.
You went about your mundane week with a heavy heart. While you seemed to lose hope in the very near future, the world spiralled out of control outside of your windows. And you had no one to talk to about it. Until Joe's mother called.
"Come round for dinner, won't you love?"
"Of course, ma." You'd been calling the woman by her motherly title since you and Joe first fused at the hip some odd years back. Since then his family had included you in most every occasion they could manage. Until a certain someone up and broke tradition a week or so ago...
"Great! Joe didn't want a big send off but we all know he'll want you to join in the last big family meal before he goes.”
His mother chirped through a sigh that crackled from the other line. And in her all too casual remark lied a clear answer to the impasse you'd been facing.
"He what?" You asked low, through your teeth, with a sense of urgency you'd never felt in life, till now.
"He didn't tell you did he?" Joe's mother seemed to ask less more than she seemed to realize; and before you could think up the right thing to say, you slammed the phone down, grabbed your purse, and flew out the door.
Of course this was happening. How had you failed to realize? You shouldn't have had to realize. Joe should have told you he was shipping out. Everyone seemed to be. But he should have said so. He'd always told you everything. From the embarrassing to the inconsequential, Joe hadn't held back from droning deadly details to you since he'd started. The fact that something this detrimental had been hidden away sent smoke from your ears as you marched toward his family's home.
The windows across the little brick cottage were all opened, the late day breeze blowing you up the porch steps. You traded knocking for bursting in the door. There wasn't time left to waste. And the realization hit you all at once… but you had a mission to complete before becoming all too overwhelmed.
Joe's mother ducked out of way, a tray of warm food in hand. She did not try and stop your storm through the kitchen. The only one you’d taken by surprise was Joe, who turned from the sink with eyes as wide as empty dinner plates.
"You didn't tell me?" You seethed, heading straight for him. Joe started to back away, moving toward the patio doors with his hands held in a pitiful defense.
"I'm sorry-"
"Sorry?!"
He kept moving. So you marched after him, out into the yard; shouting all the way asking how the hell he could've kept this from you. How you were supposed to cope with all the worry you’d feel the longer he spent storming the front lines. Asking, flippantly, if he’d tell you what it was all like, or if you’d have to find out from a soldier who'd come knocking to tell the last of Joe’s news.
"I said I'm fuckin' sorry." Joe boomed, stopping near the trees that lined his family's property. You didn’t regret your frantic interrogation but you wished voicing your worst fears of losing him for good hadn’t been what finally got Joe to say something like he meant it.
You halted when he did, stunned to silence. But only for a beat. You watched Joe sigh and bring his hands to his face.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" You pressed, much quieter but with disappointment ever present in your tone. You stepped a little closer, willing your friend to speak up. At least now you could see he was trying too. Joe tossed his head back, and shifted his weight to lean against a dying tree.
"I don't know." He shrugged finally. It wasn't what you wanted to hear, but it was more than you had in awhile.
"I-I guess I didn't know how to." Joe spoke in a tone you'd never quite heard him use before. A terribly hopeless croak.
"Didn't know how to tell me?" You had to laugh a little. All you ever did was tell each other things.
"Didn't know how to leave you." Joe pointed, like it was obvious. You watched his jaw clench as you were baffled into silence once more. But only for a second.
"Well it seems like you've only got one night left to figure out how." You wanted to cry. "Thanks for wasting all the time we could've spent figuring it out together."
You started to turn, only to hide the tears stinging your eyes. But as you stepped aside, Joe wrapped his hand around your wrist and yanked you to face him again.
"I'm an idiot but I am not stupid enough to let you go." He said, still keeping his hold on you.
"I panicked." Joe admitted, speaking softly all of sudden. "And I’m sorry. And I don't ever want anything like that to ever happen again. I won't let it."
You studied Joe and the look on his face and the way his eyes searched yours so easily, so acutely. Part of you wanted to keep shouting, to really drive home how abandoned you’d felt. But you could see how he'd withered under the weight of knowing so. But you couldn't even begin talking about what was meant to happen next... it was all too overwhelming. For as long as you could remember, you'd never not been near one another.
"I wished I never had to find out how shitty a day without you felt. I'll always regret bringing it on.
As your mind raced and your heart ached, your brow furrowed when Joe started to move away from you. His spare hand latched onto your other wrist. And he knelt.
"I didn't mean to leave you out. I never want to again." Joe emphasized each word as he strung them together. And after a long pause he spoke again. "So...marry me?"
You wanted to laugh. A good hearty nausea inducing laugh. You could admit to yourself that over the years, in the very depths of solitude, you'd secretly wished for a moment like this, with Joe. But never in a zillion years, least of all now, had you seen it coming.
You felt Joe's grip tighten as you blinked, bending ever so slightly closer to meet his eye.
"You're fucking crazy." You said, a montage of this week playing through your head.
"Please." Joe desperately whispered. He wasn't begging you to be with him. He was only hoping that the two of you might make your always being together official. How could you say no?
"Yeah. Yes, of course, Joe-" You finally let a small chuckle escape as your tears started to bubble over. And before you'd finished stammering acceptance, Joe sprung to his feet and lifted yours off the ground in a long overdue embrace.
He set you down and caught his breath and you started to lean in with a new, unabashed desire to press yours lips to his. But the guy spoke up with a gasped realization.
"Oh, I have got some good news." He grinned, mischievously. You only rose a brow and waited for the penny to drop.
"I don't leave for a week."
You understood every possibility that came from his news, and found despite every grim reality closing in around the two of you that the future was full of blindingly bright silver linings.
Joe lifted you off the ground again, this time as he moved to start back inside. You bargained for him to put you back down, as he carried you toward the kitchen.
"We're getting married!" Joe called to whoever might've been around to listen.
"That was quick. And just in time for dinner." His mother chirped, as you were returned to solid ground.
"Quick? I've been tryin' to do that since sometime after highschool." Joe pointed, following as you sauntered further in the room, smoothing your clothes and hiding a blush.
"I meant the two of you have spatted longer over the color of the sky." His mother held a whisk your way, while fixing her eyes on her son. "I'm glad you worked this one out in record time."
Joe reached for your hand as you stood, listening best you could, all of your senses entirely preoccupied by the man at your side.
"And have you finally come to this joyous conclusion?" His mother softened, abandoning her dishes to shuffle toward the two of you. She gave out hugs and squeaks of excitement and gasped before taking off around the corner. She beckoned the two of you to follow her, and after a shared chuckle you did.
His mother was stood at the vanity in her room, waving the pair of you in. And after only a second of pilfering through draws, did she pull out a ring. She gave it to Joe and said it was his grandmothers. The spritely woman shot you a beaming wink before creeping out of the door she'd only just invited you into.
Then it was just you and Joe. Like usual. At fucking last.
He said nothing as he reached out to pull you nearer. He bit back a smile as he slid the diamond on your finger. Joe broke your admiration of the thing by placing both his hands on either side of your face. And he kissed you like you always dreamed of being kissed. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him back like you always secretly longed to do.
You spent the rest of that night squished between him and his family at the dinner table, like usual. They celebrated your news. And there was very little talk of where Joe was headed. But when he brought up the war and his leaving, he held your hand under the table and you felt the hug of the gold band around your finger and couldn't find reason to worry too much. You’d have time enough for that later. You'd miss him. You already did, a little.
But you'd gotten through the worst yet, and come out of it hand in hand. But before he left, till heaven only knew when, you’d officially and always be together.
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~Kurama~Main Story Chapter 6~
Chapter 5
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*
*
------Part 1------
When my hair color and eyes, which changed when I was using my fox powers, returned to normal....
Kurama: "We're here. This is our camp."
Yoshino: "Oh...."
(Now I'm finally going to be a full-fledged prisoner of the rebels...)
(What's going to happen now? I'm going to cause trouble for everyone in the Shogunate.)
As the bonfires of the enemy camp came into view, anxiety and tension grew.
Yoshino: "But at the end of the day, why did Ibuki bring me all the way here to Kurama?"
Kurama: "Don't expect any good reason to come out of it. The connection with this battle would have been lost on Yoshitsune. He has always been a man of whimsy, a man who enjoys playing with others and stirring things up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Not a good desire...(+4/+4)
2. That's a scary man.
3. It must have been difficult for you. (only a fool will choose this option.)
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Yoshino: "Oh well,....that's not a good desire."
Remembering Ibuki's amused smile throughout, I mutter.
Kurama: "The real bad desire was in the people who willingly fell for it."
At that time----
Rebel soldiers: "Kurama-sama!"
Kurama: "What's going on?"
The soldiers, who had an impatient look on their faces as they rushed towards us, shrank back at the sound of Kurama's cold voice.
Rebel soldier: "We have a report. We are informed that the troops in retreat at Shingari have been taken by surprise and have not yet returned."
Kurama: "A surprise attack? I thought I heard that the people at the end of the line started to retreat when they saw our movement."
Rebel soldiers: "That's..... The surprise attack was apparently not made by the Shogunate. They seem to be a band of wild warriors and ruffians of uncertain origin."
(You mean there is a force on this battlefield that is neither the Shogunate nor the rebels?)
Kurama: "The confusion of information, the intermittent report of unscheduled raids on the main camp... Already this battle smells fishy and now Benkei is also overtaken. Hey you, tell me what is he doing right now?"
Rebel soldier: "Ah.....When he heard of the plight of the troops in Shingari, he went to their rescue. But there are few men who can move, and even Benkei-sama is expected to struggle."
(You must have a lot of love for your men to risk your own life to save them....)
Kurama: "That moron."
------Part 2-----
Kurama: "That moron."
Kurama's eyes sharpened.
Rebel soldier: "Benkei-sama has ordered the rest of us to wait then leave the battlefield before Kurama-sama."
Kurama: "Do you limit the damage in case of emergency while indulging your passions? It's that manly, boring decision that comes through. .....I don't want to hear about self-sacrifice."
(Ha, you don't have to say that much...)
(Maybe Kurama, the demon, doesn't actually understand how human emotions work....)
If Morinaga-san and Shigehira-kun were in the same situation, they would surely go to the aid of their men.
Because I know this, I had mixed feelings about the actions of my enemy, Benkei.
Rebel soldier: "Um, Kurama-sama....!"
Kurama interrupts the soldier's impassioned pea with a glance.
Kurama: "When did Benkei leave?"
Rebel soldier: "Ah, about a moment ago."
Kurama: "Then there must have been a squad that came back after that. At the very least, order the guys who look like they can fight decently to be ready."
(Eh?)
Rebel soldier: ".....! So are we."
Kurama: "There's no reason why I should just obey that man's orders."
Kurama had already lost sight of the soldier, whose face had brightened with anticipation.
Kurama: "I'm going in."
Rebel soldier: "We'll be ready soon!"
Rebels soldiers hurried to prepare themselves.
Yoshino: ".....So surprisingly, Kurama does help his friends when they're in a tough spot."
Kurama: "Don't use such a shallow word as 'friend' when addressing me."
Yoshino: "I thought you were going to help him because you thought of him as your friend."
Kurama: "Benkei is certainly strong for a human being. What's not to like about that? But that man is always so noisy with me. It would be fun to go and see how desperately he's struggling."
Yoshino: "........That's it?"
Kurama looked at me as if I was bothering him.
Kurama: "Benkei would die for Yoshitsune. In other words, he belongs to Yoshitsune. And Yoshitsune is mine, soul and all."
(Hmmm?)
Yoshino: "Hmmm, and?"
Kurama: "I will not allow Benkei, Yoshitsune's property, to die in vain, so that his sword and his soul may be clouded."
-----Part 3-----
Kurama: "I will not allow Benkei, Yoshitsune's property, to die in vain, so that his sword and his soul may be clouded."(LHS = RHS, Hence proved!!)
(Sounds like a pretty strong theory to me.)
Kurama: "And."
Yoshino: 'And?"
Kurama: "Benkei is good at making snacks."
(This face....he's totally serious!)
I looked up at Kurama in astonishment as he says this with a straight face.
Kurama: "It's about time, those humans must be ready. Let's go."
Yoshino: "Why am I coming?"
(Aren't you going to leave me at the encampment!?)
Kurama: "What are asking? I told you that you're my prisoner."
Yoshino: "That's absurd! To take a prisoner in a fierce battle."
Kurama: "I don't care what you feel."
(Ah)
Arrogantly dismissing me, Kurama pulled me carelessly by the waist.
Kurama: "Whatever happened to you, you fell into my hands. What to do with you here on is my business. Isn't that right?"
Yoshino: "Mm......."
His voice and his gaze are filled with a different kind of curiosity.
I felt a shiver run down my spine.
Kurama: "I keep pleasure at hand until I have devoured it, to pass the days of boredom."
..................
(I'll just have to pray that I'll get through this in one piece.)
Soon afterward the rebel soldiers gathered and took me with them.
I've been put in front of a Kurama, and I've got a lot of strange looks.
No one ever asks Kurama to his face, perhaps because he is reserved.
Rebel soldier 1: "Kurama-sama! Let's get on with it."
Kurama: "Wait."
Kurama steps up to the line and looks around quickly with sharp eyes.
Kurama: "You there."
Rebel soldier 2: "Yes?"
Kurama: "I can smell fresh blood. You're wounded."
(Eh?)
Rebel soldier 2: "...! No, it's nothing serious. I can fight well!"
Like me, his eyes widened and the soldier he was pointing at shook his head in panic.
Kurama: "Shut up. I don't allow you to talk back. You and you, get out. And you, there, you're not good enough. Don't stand in front of me."
After that, Kurama omitted about ten more people from the crowd.
Confusion spreads over the faces of the soldiers.
(If you're going to rescue your friends in a situation where you know it's dangerous, the more forces you have, the better, isn't it?)
(What is Kurama thinking?)
Kurama: "I don't like to be slowed down."
-----Part 4-----
Kurama: "I don't like to be slowed down. It's an eyesore to see men die in front of you when you have so many men to fight with."
The silence is heavy and tense, but Kurama speaks plainly.
Kurama: "You were gathered together under Yoshitsune and trained by Benkei. If you're weak, at least give yourself a meaningful death."
Rebel soldiers: "........YES!"
The soldiers, both those who stayed behind and those who followed, shouted in unison.
Kurama: "..................."
Kurama's brow furrowed in annoyance and he turned his head.
In a panic, I stiffen up and at the same time, the horse starts to run.
Rebel soldier 3: "Keep going! go on!"
Rebel soldiers: "YES!"
Without looking back, Kurama ran silently at the front.
(....Kurama doesn't know how human emotions work, at least that's what he said, isn't it?)
(But in a ridiculous way, Kurama's words seem to have raised the morale of the soldiers.)
I felt that if I were the only one who kept quiet, I would be crushed into insecurity.
I opened my mouth in the wind that cuts through me.
Yoshino: "......The soldiers really respect Kurama very much."
Kurama: "What nonsense is that? Respect and fear are not the same things. Respect is an extension of understanding, and fear is the opposite."
(I think I understand that....)
Kurama: "The fact that both you and Tamamo have hidden your true identities from the Shogunate is proof of that."
Indeed, the ordinary soldiers were kept in the dark about my fox's powers and the identity of Tamamo.
(Didn't Kagetoki say that an ally in fear and distrust is more troublesome than an enemy?)
I reply, keeping low to avoid being thrown off the back of a rocking horse.
Yoshino: "But Kurama doesn't show his feathers in public either, does he? Aren't you hiding your identity so you can fit in?"
Kurama: "Yoshitsune, advised by Benkei, wished me to do so. They made me promise not to use my powers and it's troublesome. But no matter how much you try to imitate someone's appearance, the weak will always smell the presence of the strong. The reason you humans tremble in my presence is a survival instinct, though Tamamo seems to be very good at hiding it."
------Part 5------
Kurama: "The reason you humans tremble in my presence is a survival instinct, though Tamamo seems to be very good at hiding it."
(It's true that just standing in front of Kurama was terrifying from the start.)
Yoshino: "But Kurama's words inspired the soldiers. If they'd only been afraid, they would have shriveled up, wouldn't they?"
Kurama: "In this army, my identity is supposed to be that of a kind of foreign warrior who helps Yoshitsune. That's why those who worship Yoshitsune so blindly are so annoyingly humble towards me."
Yoshino: " I see. Hmmm........"
It's true that there are aspects of the story that are easy to understand, but something doesn't quite add up.
Then, caught in the glittering eyes of the night, I was startled out of my thoughts.
Kurama: "I don't know what you're obsessed with, but I don't see the point in questioning me."
(I really do.)
(What kind of demon would I like to think Kurama is? I want to know.)
Yoshino: ".....I don't understand myself."
Kurama: "..............."
When Kurama saw my silence and honestly admitted it, he looked as if he wanted to say something....
Kurama: "----I can see it."
Yoshino: "Ah....."
I looked ahead and saw a patch of grass burning in the distance.
There is a faint buzz in the air and I can tell that there is a fierce battle going on.
Kurama: "I hope the result is a bit of fun."
His red eyes were fixed on the battle as if he had already lost all interest in me.
Without signaling to the soldiers following behind him, Kurama kicks the horse in the stomach again.
My body shook with the force of sudden acceleration.
Yoshino: "I'll fall---"
Kurama: "Don't fall on your own."
(Even if you say that!)
Kurama: "Troublesome woman."
He clicks his tongue and pulls me tight with one hand.
Yoshino: "........!"
Something warm touches my back as he straightened me and he positioned me in such a way so that I could lean on his chest.
Yoshino(blushing): "Kurama.....?"
Kurama: "Sit still, like an ornament. If you fidget, I'll have to do more."
Chapter 7
#ikemen series#ikemen genjiden#ikemen genjiden kurama#ikemen mc#main story translations#otome#cybird#cybird ikemen#cybird otome
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hey, so i was wondering about the emperor, like how did he feel about his super soldier ghost busters getting into a full fledged war in his backyard, with a side dish of ZOMBIES (so many zombies). was he even aware of why it was happening or did he take one look at that mess and nope out. i just have so many questions of how the imperial/civilian and cultivation worlds interacted
Ooh, yes, this is definitely an open question in CQL’s worldbuilding. I touched on the lack of imperial presence a bit in this ask, but honestly, we don’t know anything about the interaction of the imperial and cultivation worlds. There’s this general vibe from CQL that everything is happening in a teeny tiny contained bubble in some corner of the continent, where nothing really affects the outside world and the outside world never really affects the cultivation world (really putting the 世外 in 世外桃源, here)
The thing about a lot of wuxia stories (and, by extension, xianxia) is that they take place in nebulous setting called the 江湖 jianghu – literally, ‘rivers and lakes’ (it’s taken from a line in the 《庄子》Zhuangzi that I referenced in a previous post but cannot for the life of me remember which one), the jianghu world is this liminal place between urban and rural, civilized and lawless, where wandering heroes can roam and do good with their martial/vaguely supernatural prowess and cultivational sects clash and different schools of combat challenge each other to duels. The in-between, Schrodinger’s existence of the jianghu helps smooth over possible friction with the imperial government – after all, if there is so much evil and lawlessness being done on imperial lands, isn’t that a flaw in the vaunted imperial system? Why is it that roving heroes must step in, instead of properly licensed and trained government officials?
The jianghu is a complicated world, filled with pre-existing 恩怨 enyuan, favors and feuds, alliances and sworn enemies, brotherhoods and sects and clans and its own set of rules that everyone understands, magically, I guess (except those who don’t, and then it becomes a Big Deal). 李安 Ang Lee’s 《卧虎藏龙》Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, in addition to being a cinematic classic and groundbreaking entry in the genre, spends a great deal of its screentime trying to figure out what in the name of sanity even IS the jianghu.
Ah, I’m rambling and not answering your question: what I’m trying to say is, we have no idea what the interaction between the cultivation and civilian worlds are (although rip if you’re a civilian in the cultivation world, you have it ROUGH). Is there even an emperor out there? Maybe, maybe not. As far as I’m concerned, though, it’s fair game for you to make up (at the very least, I’M making it up as I go along in my own writing.)
One last phrase before I go, just for funsies: 天高皇帝远 tiangao huangdi yuan is often used to describe the very edges of historical empires, which is often where people who fell out of political favor would be banished to. The phrase literally translates to the heavens are high, the emperor distant and simultaneously points at 1) sheer distance from the imperial center, 2) lawlessness (the emperor is so far away that the emperor’s influence is much weaker out here), and 3) freedom (the emperor is so far away that the emperor’s influence is much weaker out here). It’s just a fun phrase that pops into my head every time I think about the world beyond the clans in CQL
#ask and ye shall receive#CQL worldbuilding#I think I should make that a tag#yeah idk I don't have a nice neat answer for this question?#but the jianghu is like a Thing and my response is really just a bad paraphrase of Stephen Teo
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Recruited: Chapter 10
[I did another thing! This one is a lot shorter than the last several have been and a little more filler-y BUT we’re getting close to canon stuff (that I’m trying to figure out how I want to write and format still). SO here we gooooo!]
Vegeta
Any miniscule time he was forced to spend alone with Frieza aggravated the prince. Whether to bear the brunt of some reprimand, to listen to him discuss business to an audience of intergalactic dignitaries at a stupid feast he was dragged to and forced to endure like some pet, or to nod along with him prattling on about himself and insulting Vegeta or his race in a single breath, he preferred it when running an empire distracted Frieza from his existence. This rare occasion of the tyrant requesting his company on a special mission had the same effects: the usual rage of being helpless to end the emperor's life, the discomfort of watching his every step and word, the humiliation of bearing his belittling commentary and pretending to be his proud, obedient attack dog. It was maddening, and the only solace in the trip was that he left Dodoria and Zarbon both been behind to attend to other business.
Nappa, Raditz, and Nabooru had also been ordered to deal with another assignment while Vegeta accompanied Frieza. Disconcerting due to the fact that, in circumstances such as this, his cohorts would be ordered to remain on base until his return, placed on a schedule that included training and any other grunt work the commanders could find for them. However, he supposed Frieza wanted to keep his top teams busy conquering planets for him. Vegeta hadn't missed the increase in work they had been assigned, and even their latest three day reprieve had been cut short. He tried to convince himself it all meant nothing, that, even if Frieza noticed how the four of them trained more often than usual in their free time, his ego would keep him from getting too suspicious. But Vegeta couldn't deny the increase in his own paranoia with each passing day. Each day he stepped closer to exacting revenge and killing the bastard, and he constantly found himself dwelling on every possible scenario that could skew or outright obliterate his plot.
"It's almost a relief to have different company for once," Frieza mused, a wine glass held between his middle and index fingers. He nodded to the bottle, a silent insistence Vegeta top him off. The Saiyan swallowed his grimace and did as he was bade. Zarbon's or Dodoria’s usual task. He noted the shift of his crimson eyes to the still near full glass in his gloved hand, and took the hint to take another measured sip. "Zarbon and Dodoria tend to bore me after a while. And their bickering...if they weren't so loyal and useful, I may have offed them by now out of sheer annoyance."
Vegeta chuckled, practiced amusement and rehearsed reactions. "I can only imagine," he responded. Another glance spurred him to add, "I suffer the same with Raditz and Nappa. Though it's less their bickering than some inane, disgusting topic of conversation I don't care to hear in detail."
"Yes, I suppose that is an unfortunate vice of the lower classes, their obsessions with sating their lust." Frieza swirled the wine in his glass, black lips downturned in disgust. "A product of lower brain function, I suppose. They have little more than lewd absurdity to keep their minds occupied. Something the two of us fortunately don't suffer from."
The prince bowed his head, performing each gesture that appeased Frieza with loathing. He didn't care for his useless compliments. He found it hard to focus on them when all he could imagine was ripping those horns from his head and burying them in his eye sockets. Or shoving the wine glass into his mouth and forcing him to chew it up and swallow the shards to laugh as he watched him spit blood onto the pristine floor. "Thank you, my lord. Your compliments are the highest honor."
"And they do not come lightly, Vegeta. You are an enigma of your kind. Had your race not perished, you would have made a fine ruler. Far better than your father." Vegeta ignored the twinge of rage his words plucked in favor of focusing on drinking the dry wine. "Yes, my tutelage has done wonders for you. Perhaps if my father had done the same with yours as I have done for you, perhaps he, too, could have evolved from a mere monkey playing court and dressed in regalia to a full-fledged ruler."
To keep his grip loose on the stem of his glass and not shatter it proved challenging in the face of his father's mockery. No matter his mixed feelings of the deceased Saiyan king, he did not take insults of his memory well. Especially from the likes of Frieza. He bit his tongue and once more drank to silence the blazing barrage of insults he wanted to sling in retort.
"You are too kind, my lord." The words burned like acid on his tongue. "I agree that my growth under your watchful eye has favored me greatly. I thank you."
"Of course. I saw promise in you the moment I set eyes on you. However, there is always room to grow and learn, wouldn't you say?"
His tone, the smirk on his lips, ramped Vegeta's paranoia to near overload. Had Frieza found out about his plotting? Led him and his team straight into a trap of some sort?
He was given little time to consider as Frieza spoke up again. "Earlier you only mentioned your Saiyan comrades. It reminded me that you and I have never fully discussed the fourth I added to your team. How has she fared?"
"Nabooru is a competent warrior, well-versed in her craft and battle strategy. She fits in well, and, outside of being mouthy and questioning my authority once in a while, she's proven her worth." He glanced to the wide window before them, to the passing stars and junk, the endless void of space. "She learns quickly and strives to improve where she can. She was hesitant to carry out orders, but has grown out of it for the most part."
Frieza laughed. "Such a glowing report from the commander who pitched a fit over my decision." Vegeta's lips tightened to a thin line and his brows lowered ever further, only encouraging the emperor's delight. "I can't say I'm surprised she has a belligerent streak. Her former king said the same of her when I asked in one of our visits. Your temper must be improving if her first strike didn't convince you to kill her. I have seen you kill for less, after all, Vegeta."
Vegeta clicked his tongue. "She's simply lucky she figured out not to take her insubordination too far with me. Otherwise, I would have. Her power level and skill be damned."
"A lesson well-learned, it seems. I recall it took you some time to learn the same, but I suppose you had the excuse of being a mere child."
Vegeta merely nodded, the memories of the physical abuses doled out by Frieza's or one of his cohorts' hands when he rebelled and the scars left behind all too fresh despite their age. The mental mutilation of the mind games the tyrant played with him. Each had served their purpose because he vowed and showed respect to the bastard with little beckoning. It made him sick, clawed at his pride and convinced him death would be a more pleasant fate. But he wanted revenge more than anything, so survive he must. No matter the cost. It would be worth it someday.
"Sir, we are approaching our target," the captain announced. "T-minus five minutes."
"Excellent. Remember, there will be no need to land here."
Vegeta glanced to Frieza when his scouter pinged. He pressed the button on the side. "Ah, what good timing, Nabooru. You have landed on Planet Noya and met with the other team there?"
Frieza cut the transmission and sighed dramatically. "Unfortunate, really." He finished off his wine and set the glass aside. "Shikoo and his team were quite the commodity. But one too many rumors about stoking rebellions and insubordination makes it difficult to keep such bad seeds among the loyal."
He waited for her reply, the smirk on his lips growing ever wider. "Yes, yes, I am aware of the success in purging the planet. The instructions to rendezvous with the soldiers sent to Noya were...purposefully vague. The task for you and the Saiyans is to kill that team. Don't worry your pretty head over why, dear. It's unbecoming of a soldier.. Their punishment has been a long time coming."
Vegeta's throat closed up and his mouth dried out. "The proper decision, it sounds like, sire," he managed, finishing his own glass and abandoning it. "Not to overstep my own boundaries, but I assumed we were purging this planet we're going to."
"We are. In a sense." He hoisted himself into his hover chair and propped his elbow on the edge, cheek resting in his palm. His crimson gaze rested on Vegeta, unblinking. "The denizens are...formidable enough, especially en masse, and intel suggests they wish to rebel against me. I have decided the time and potential casualties aren't worth the effort for what little the planet has to offer in the long run, so destroying it entirely will be a far better use for dealing with them. One and done, as they say."
A rare instance in which Vegeta agreed with Frieza’s methodology. He wished he would pass down such an order more often than he did, frankly. Putting down rebellions wasted time when they typically ended up murdering them all anyway. Any extra precautions and instructions usually forced them to hold back or went up in smoke not long after they landed. While he understood that some planets had more value than others, blowing up the planets and washing their hands of the business would allow them to take on more jobs. Send a team to gather whatever resources from the planet beforehand and then he and his team or one like his could destroy the place and move on. Not to mention he liked the thrill, the power behind destroying an entire world on his own.
A blue green planet slowly drifted into view, decent sized with a large landmass facing the ship in its current position in its rotation. Frieza waved for him to follow him to the center of the ship. "Come along. Vegeta. We will approach close enough that your ki will protect you from the lack of oxygen. I will allow you to do the honors."
Vegeta took the blare of the signal for the opening of the uppermost hatch as his cue to surround himself in a protective barrier of energy. While he could not survive the void of space this way, it offered protection from suffocation for at least a few minutes. More than enough to obliterate the planet and retreat into the safety of the ship once more. He followed Frieza up and through the hatch, hovering over it and facing the planet.
Though only allowed the chance to destroy entire planets on a few occasions, he made a point to remember what it felt like. The exact amount of energy he needed to build in his palms, how to adjust for the size and density of the planet. Back of one hand pressed to his palm, he shifted his arms back behind his head. Violet energy surged around his hands, his body, the draw and thrill of powering up familiar and welcome. Up and up he allowed his energy to rise until he deemed it the perfect amount to accomplish the task at hand. He shoved his hands outward once more and the stored cache of energy fired from his palms and through space, surging through the planet's atmosphere and striking the surface within seconds. The blast drilled through the landmass toward the core, wide cracks and fiery splotches already spreading from the point of contact.
With another beckoning from Frieza, Vegeta lingered a moment longer to watch the spectacle of magma shooting upward and his blast rending the planet in twain before following him back into the ship. The hatch closed and they returned to the navigation deck.
"Not bad, prince," Frieza drawled, scarlet gaze locked on the demolition out the window. "A bit messy, but unfortunately we don't have time to witness the entire fireworks show." A nod to the captain. "To our next destination."
The captain bowed and turned back to the controls. Before they swiveled around fully, Vegeta caught a glimpse of the planet's final moments: a series of explosions peppering the surface as its stability caved. Within moments, it would be nothing but space dust floating among the stars. A mere memory until it faded from it. Would any of its race survive? Would they hear the news of their home's destruction immediately, or only find empty blackness when they return? Would they, too, be plucked from whatever refuge allowed their survival to serve the Cold Empire? Told that a meteor destroyed their planet and they really had little other choice left as the empire still technically owned them?
His jaw tightened. He couldn't dwell on such things. None of it mattered. It never did. I never would.
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The Wingman (Erwin Smith x Marie)
Chapter 5: The Territory
Reposting this because I am officially overhauling my @levi-lives blog, in lieu of this one because SOMEONE Tumblr won't let my posts show up from there anymore! grrrr.
@levi-lives blog is still up tho, if you would like still see my original posts
The Wingman MASTERLIST
A/N: HELLO! YES I STILL PLAN ON FINISHING THIS BABY
So much has happened these past 5 months that’s cost me my peace of mind and caused me so much heartbreak (haha i hate boys but what’s new? lol) But hey! At this point, I’m just choosing to see all this as new material to source my inspirations from now on :P
This chapter was written while listening to Pretty Please by Dua Lipa, Laisse-moi t'aimer by Laurie Darmon , and There You Are by WHAT THE DUCK. I actually made a playlist for all the songs I use, and ya’ll can find them HERE!
I’ve written you lovelies a looong one for the looong wait! (4K words wtf XD) Enjoy!
Chapter 5: The Territory
Dearest Marie,
The moment you walked in the room, all blazing curls and bright hazel eyes, I knew you had me wrapped around your finger. And what is a man to do, when the most gorgeous woman he’s ever laid eyes upon, makes his heart stop the second she blesses him with her tinkling laugh and charming wit?
Truly Marie, you may very well be the death of me. But if that’s what it takes to keep your heart, then what a wonderful death it would be!
And I do swear, by my soldier’s honor, to offer up my heart to you, for you to do with as you wish. Break it or take it, I am at your whim’s mercy. But I do trust that a woman as gentle as she is beautiful, would never deny a dying man’s wish.
Forever Yours,
Nile
~
The Titan Territory was at the peak of its happy hour. Chock full of drunkards, lechers, soldiers, and the occasional vagabond. Most nights like these, Marie would be at the tips of her toes. Keeping alert, and focused on getting her work done without attracting trouble. She was a woman in a room full of inebriated men, after all. And it wouldn’t be uncommon for a few of these men to get… more handsy than usual. And it certainly isn‘t new to Marie either
But tonight, the barmaid did not seem to mind all the boisterous men nor the stench of ale. In fact, she looked rather flushed and chipper as she placed another mug of ale in front of a bucked-tooth man. She even smiled sarcastically when yet another man old enough to be her father used yet another recycled pick-up line at her. As opposed to straight up telling the old bloke that the age must be getting to him if his eyes couldn’t tell that she was no angel, but a person who definitely knows how to call the MP’s for harassment.
“Who is he?”
Marie paused pouring a mug to glance at Elena, confused by the sudden question. “Huh? Oh, I don‘t know, another dirty old man clearly.”
“Nooo,” Elena looked pointedly at Marie, her ruby red lips plumping into a tight ‘o.’ “Who’s got you daydreaming and out of it like that? I haven’t heard you give some poor drunk a good smack talk all night.” Marie pursed her lips. Elena immediately pointed a long, equally ruby red fingernail at her. “And that! You keep pursing your lips like that!” Elena’s amber eyes widened exaggeratedly. “Who did you kiss?”
Funny you would ask that, Marie thought sardonically. For the hundredth time that night, her mind reels back to the taste of strawberries and cigarettes, and carefree eyes so blue, she could drown in them. All at once, she is once again engulfed by strong, sure arms, and the heady smell of sandalwood.
And the lovely sight of the woman in front of her pressed against the very man she can’t seem to shake off her system.
Then Marie remembers the letter she received just that morning. Nile’s remarkably careful handwriting, and his smitten words resurfaced in her mind’s eye. Despite the cheesy—not to mention incessant—flirting. Marie certainly never thought Nile had such profound emotions for her. She’d be lying if she said that his confession wasn’t affecting her opinion of him.
Marie smiled, conniving. “I have an admirer.”
Elena was extremely intrigued. “Well? Spill! Who is it?”
The ginger girl smirked. “Guess.”
Before Elena could even speak the name, Marie went ahead and sashayed away from the ravenette, a tray of ale on hand. She knew what name Elena would answer. And she’d be right.
But she didn’t want to think about Nile, nor his tall friend’s irresistible dimpled smile.
So the barmaid bent down to serve mugs of ale and beer at a particularly loud table of drunk garrison soldiers—clearly drinking on duty if the presence of their uniforms were anything to go by– when she was startled out of her reverie by the bawdy laughter of drunks and the hard smack of a man’s hand against her rump. “Is this ass on the menu, girly?”
Marie whirled around, flinging an enraged hand to slap against the wretched bastard’s head, when the surly red-faced soldier caught her hands. They were unbelievably small and weak against his bruising grip. Marie gritted her teeth against the man’s sour ale-breath, and her own pounding heart. She could feel the lecherous eyes of the drunk’s buddies, laughing like predators baring their teeth. It was a busy night, and no one would bat an eye at a barmaid getting harassed in a tavern. She felt like a trapped deer, surrounded by lions in their very lair.
The soldier leaned dangerously close, almost like he’s sniffing her fear out. He tutted at Marie’s stricken face. “Tsk. Tsk. Good little girls don‘t hit their betters.”
Marie, very much a woman of spunk and grit, steeled her resolve.
She was going to give this motherfucker a nasty head-butt.
But she was never able to. Many things happened all at once– a sudden, strong force pushed the man back, making him crash against his group’s heavy wooden table.
He stumbled back, shocked and winded. Her harasser’s friends all shot up from their seats at the commotion, barstools clattering to the ground from the sudden movement.
Marie was pulled back into a solid chest, a firm arm anchoring her there; safe.
“The sign was right. This is Titan territory. This place stinks of one.”
The ginger girl strained her neck up to gape at the tall, imposing form of the very man who’s been haunting her thoughts all night. Erwin’s blue eyes barely even acknowledged the woman nestled against his chest. They were solely trained on the bastard coughing on the floor. Marie shivered. Erwin Smith looked cold and wicked.
Like the Devil passing judgement.
The drunk man whipped his head up, a menacing snarl distorting his red face as he clambered up off his ass.
“What was that, boy?”
“Just an observation.” Erwin sounded almost like he couldn’t care less if he was talking to a drunk gang of trained Garrison soldiers. Much less that he just shoved one.
The soldier guffawed. “Ho ho! You got some wit to ‘ya, pretty boy! But didn’t your momma teach you to never mess with a Titan’s territory?!” He moved to reach for a disgusted Marie, when his hand was abruptly grabbed and halted by an unshakeable grip.
Nile Dawk’s face was painted with a scowl. His dark eyes shooting daggers at the drunkard.
“Well she ain’t yours, Sergeant Kemper.”
Kemper spluttered, and tore his hand away. “Did we guess that right, sir?” Nile taunted, his eyes alight with the adrenaline in his system pumping for a fight. His gaze briefly caught Marie’s wide-eyed stare, and winked. Marie’s cheeks went hot.
“And?! I’m a known soldier! What’s a couple of backwater punks gonna do, huh?” Kemper and his friends were just about ready to start a brawl, when Mike stepped in—knuckles cracking, nose sniffing out blood, his massive bulk intimidating. One look at the giant told them that he could sweep them all out, no problem.
Mike just grunted. “A hell of a whole lot, actually.”
Kemper very nearly whimpered like a kicked dog.
“I’m sure Captain Brezenska* wouldn’t like to hear reports of his men gallivanting around with barmaids, while drunk on duty and in uniform, yes?’’ It was Erwin who dealt that final blow. And just like that, the men trudged up and out The Territory, a slew of empty threats trailing in their wake.
Marie sighed. Relieved that what would have been a messy fight, was diffused.
Then Marie broke out of the arm holding her, and turned on Erwin. “Are you out of your mind?! You could’ve caused those men to seriously hurt you! Those are full-fledged soldiers. What if a brawl broke out? We’d all be banned from here!”
Erwin was taken aback. He certainly didn’t expect this response from a girl he just saved.
Nile immediately stepped in, holding his hands up. “Relax, Marie! My wingman here was just making sure those bastards knew not to mess with my girl!” Nile had an arm hooked around Erwin, and was grinning flirtatiously at her when Mike joked lowly.
“You better pee around her then, if you don’t want the wolves scenting your territory!”
Erwin and Nile froze, wide eyes boring into Mike’s careless, smirking, stupid face.
Marie straightened up, like a feline rearing her claws. A single perfect eyebrow arched high on her forehead.
Mike immediately choked on the booming laughter bubbling up in his throat, and stuttered out a cough and an apology– clearly forgetting that he was in the presence of a lady.
Although Nile and Erwin didn’t miss how Marie—this feisty, pretty little thing—singlehandedly brought a man who just threatened a group of drunks with just the sight of him, to a sheepish stutter. Marie decided then to let the comment slide. The man did just drive her harassers away.
Then like a cruel reminder, Elena’s full voice rang out. “Looks like my favorite customer decided to pay a visit!”
As is usually the case where Erwin and Elena are involved, Marie resisted the urge to roll her eyes back into her skull. The voluptuous brunette sashayed over to Erwin, who had one of his cheeky smiles playing around his lips. His dark blue eyes sending a naughty promise.
Mike brotherly clapped Erwin’s back. “Guess that’s my cue too.” He asks Elena, “Is that cutie Charley around? I heard I’m her favorite customer,” Mike smirked. Elena laughed, and pointed to where the tiny blond barmaid Mike was fooling around with last time was. When Mike left, Elena turned to Marie with a knowing look in her eye. “Let Erwin and I leave you two alone,” her red lips purred.
Marie was beginning to loathe that shade of red lipstick.
And was it just Marie, or was her perfume more nauseating than usual?
Nile stepped towards Marie, and nodded at his friend. “Go ahead man, knock yourself out, I got her.”
Erwin chuckled at the heart eyes his poor friend was making at the girl beside him, who was none the wiser.
None the wiser, because Erwin knew that longing look on Marie’s face only meant that her mind was back at that charming apartment of hers too.
His calloused hands around her waist, her moans in his mouth.
Bright hazel eyes met deep blue ones. For a flicker of a moment, neither Marie nor Erwin wanted the other to go.
But just for a flicker.
“We’re not carrying you home again if you get shit-faced, Nile!” Erwin called to his friend, before he left with his hand against Elena’s back.
And like a bad omen, Marie watched Erwin’s broad back go.
~
“Again?”
Marie turned to Nile, her arms crossed, and one hip jutted out in amusement. She was smiling prettily at the man, whose rugged looks blushed crimson under her bright hazel eyes’ scrutiny. Nile rubbed the back of his neck and looked away, “Smith doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.” Marie laughed; a carefree, happy sound.
It absolutely captured Nile’s heart.
“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow, walking back to the bar to settle more orders. Nile followed her, leaning against the countertop as he watched the pretty barmaid go about her work. “Heck yeah,” Nile flashed her a megawatt smile. “That bastard doesn’t even get back to the barracks until after sunrise whenever he makes a go for one of his chicks.” Marie’s heart sank. “Is he always chasing after girls?” she huffed.
Nile blinked, then looked to where Erwin was. Marie followed his gaze, and found Elena all but giving the handsome blonde a lap dance.
Erwin seemed to be enjoying himself.
Marie’s eyes went to slits again. Nile saw this, and took it as another case of girls being so oddly protective of their girlfriends. The ravenette shook his head, “Erwin is a good man. He’s like a brother to me. He likes to play around sure, but I’ve never met a man with more honor. He’s much too gentlemanly to fuck your friend like a common whore.” Nile chuckled, “And besides, it’s the girls who chase after Erwin…”
Nile trailed off, his lips setting into a line when he saw the warmth that came over the look in Marie’s eyes.
Nile’s long fingers held Marie’s chin and moved her gaze back to him.
“But I’m not here to talk about Erwin.”
Tender hazel eyes became playful.
Meanwhile, Nile’s silver ones crinkled at the edges at the sound of Marie’s sweet voice saying, “What then, Cadet Dawk?” Marie hadn’t realized how close Nile was. And just like the last time she was this close to the man, she could see the thick dark lashes framing the Nile’s light eyes. Except that now Marie saw how those eyes, paired with his high cheekbones, made Nile look like a dark elven sprite come to cause mischief upon mortals.
Marie recalled the letter he sent her, and thought it fitting that this dark sprite would write such enchanting words. She still didn’t know what sorcery came over her that she was half-bewitched by this man’s one letter.
Nile carded his hands through his unruly dark locks, willing his beating heart to calm down. Sweet Sina she’s adorable, he thought.
There was so much Nile wanted to tell Marie. How he woke up every single day looking forward to the next time he’ll see her, thinking of all the little details of himself he wanted to let her know…
As much as he’d like to know all the little details she could ever offer him.
Yet, the poor guy could only splutter out a shaky and ineloquent “I-I… uhh, did you get my letter?”
Marie’s lips quirked up to a girlish giggle. If his letter was anything to go by, Marie knew Nile’s intentions had far more depth than that. Marie grinned while a lingering thought remained in her mind—this is a far cry from the Nile she read in that letter.
Perhaps Nile Dawk is more of a poet than a Romeo, Marie mused.
“I did. And you really are too sweet, Nile. I don‘t know what to say. I didn’t know you felt that way.”
Nile immediately sucked in a breath, gasping out, “Of course I do! I—I couldn’t get my mind off of you. ” He winced. He sounded like an idiot. Like a desperate schoolboy talking to his first crush.
Not at all like the charming and suave man those letters made him out to be. It got Nile thinking that maybe he overestimated Erwin’s way with words a tad bit too much. But instead of making him feel like an absolute fool for it, Marie laughed good naturedly at his response.
“Cat got your tongue?” Marie teased, grinning at his antics. There was something Marie found really quirky about a man being so bold in writing, but so tongue-tied in person.
He’s kinda…cute, Marie realizes.
And like the fates deciding a destiny sealed shut and done, Nile felt his heart give a finalizing beat that this woman would be the woman he’d spend the rest of his days with.
Nile gave a relaxed, even relieved smile, and took Marie’s soft hand.
He brought it to his lips, and kissed the delicate, milky flesh.
Marie bit her lip as her cheeks burned red at the feel of his stubble grazing her hand. Nile’s silver eyes flashed up at her, and grinned boyishly, “I‘m more of a man of action.”
~
I got her.
The words echoed in Erwin’s head like a threat.
I got her.
The Territory’s lowlighting only accentuated the sharp planes of Erwin’s scowling face. Elena had left to get him his fourth glass of whiskey—on the rocks, just the way he liked it—after the very welcome distraction the minx gave him. If it weren’t for the woman draping herself all over his lap, her luscious dark hair entangled around his fingers, he would’ve probably not have stopped himself from moping longingly—not unlike what he was doing now– at the sight of his best friend making his Marie giggle.
His Marie?
Erwin dragged a hand over his face. His thick eyebrows scrunched together, as he felt a dull throb slowly form in his head. He needed a cigarette.
She isn’t MY Marie, Erwin scolded himself. He took out a joint, lit it up, and held it to his lips like muscle memory. He took in a deep drag, and watched Marie throw back her wild ginger curls in a fit of laughter, her freckled cheeks blooming almost as crimson as her hair. She’s been amusing herself with Nile’s puppy dog flirtation for a good hour now.
“Go ahead man, knock yourself out, I got her,” Nile’s voice intruded his thoughts like a restless conscience.
No, Marie was never his. Erwin narrowed his eyes at the indulgent smile on Marie’s lips, as if she were cooing at his friend like a child, and wondered—
Perhaps Marie did not belong to anyone.
Erwin’s mind reels back to when he and Nile were just writing that first letter he left in Marie’s doorjamb….
~
It was an ungodly hour to still be awake in the barracks, but Nile took it upon himself to invade Erwin’s bunk with a pen and paper and a candle enough to last an hour. So now Erwin found himself with his copy of the Blue Book* against his thigh, the piece of paper atop it, and Nile practically moaning to him all the sappy little details of his love for a certain freckled ginger in the candlelight.
Mike was in his own bunk above Erwin‘s, pretending to have fallen asleep.
There was no way in hell he was gonna volunteer his ears for Nile’s emotional masturbation.
Erwin groaned, “Nile, do you know how physically painful it is to listen to you right now?”
“Why can’t I just tell her how much I wanna kiss her? How much I wanna give her the moon and the stars? How she’s literally my dream girl and how I swear to Sina, I’m gonna marry her?” Erwin rolled his eyes at that; Nile wants to marry every girl he ‘falls in love’ with.
“…Isn’t that the sort of thing girls want to hear?” Nile was truly perplexed, the poor bastard.
Erwin winced at his friend.
Mike couldn’t help it. “Sure, if she’s a goddamn fifteen year old virgin!” he called down from his bunk.
“Oi! I thought you were asleep!” Nile hissed, prompting Mike to start fake snoring again.
Erwin gave an exhausted sigh. It was late, he wanted to sleep. “Didn’t I tell you? Marie’s a full grown woman. That sort of flattery isn’t going to work on her anymore. She isn’t going to entertain just because you tell her how much you want her, you gotta make her realize how much she wants you.”
Nile looked skeptical. “Alright then, Eyebrows. How would you do it?”
Blue eyes looked into the dancing flame of the candle at his trunk, his pen poised upon the paper.
“I would tell her how I notice all her little details—her curls, her eyes, the way she throws her head back when she laughs—and how they made me feel like a fool the first moment I saw them.” Erwin’s lips quirked up as he continued to look into the flame, “But most of all, I’d talk about her mind, her heart…”
Nile felt his teeth grind, and the muscles in his jaw twitch.
Mike stopped snoring; wide awake now.
They waited. Erwin continued, a glazed look still in his eyes.
“…How a woman like her makes me want to devote my very life to her.”
~
“Woah, don’t lose your cool, Wingman.”
Mike’s gruff voice pulled Erwin out of his reverie, as his friend joined him where he was leaning against the bar top.
He probably already got bored of his girl, Erwin thought.
Mike was already holding his own glass of bourbon in one hand, cigarette in the other. The larger man nudged the hand holding the joint at Erwin for the lighter. Erwin wordlessly held out the light, and Mike placed the stick against the flame.
It’s always been like this with Mike. The two moved together with a wordless sense of trust and understanding; as seamlessly as a well-oiled machine.
“What happened to ‘Tomcat’?” Erwin chuckled, as he smoked with his friend. Mike just smirked, “Nah, you’re the Wingman now. Derek’s the Tomcat, more like. Müller certainly thinks so. Besides,” his green eyes slid over to Erwin’s hunched over form. “I think you’re losing your mojo.”
Erwin laughed out loud at that, a few curious heads turning to the handsome man throwing his blonde head back. Erwin’s broad shoulders straightened into their usual confident set. “You’re full of absolute bullshit Zacharias, that’s what I think.” He cocked a thick eyebrow at Mike’s scoffing, shaking head, “And it’s Müller’s daughter who thinks that. Müller thinks Derek’s a rodent he has to kill.” Erwin inhales a drag, “And like most pests, he’s a bitch to get rid of.”
Mike just hummed observantly, taking a sip of his bourbon. “Well, can you blame him? Your brother’s fighting for the woman he loves. That’s more than you seem to have the balls for.”
Erwin was silent.
The two men continued to watch their friend try to make Marie take a break, and sit down for a drink with him. She only just deflected him for the fifth time that night.
Mike sighed and placed a firm hand on Erwin’s shoulder. “Look, a bastard like me is in no place to tell you how to love– that just isn’t my thing. And Marie’s a special girl, I can tell.”
Erwin glanced sharply at the taller man.
Mike rolls his eyes, “Don’t worry!” Then hastily adds with clear exasperation, “She ain’t my type! But writing those letters?” Mike motions his head to Nile and Marie across the room.
“It’s going to hurt you, brother.”
Mike started swirling the bourbon in his glass, contemplating. “I understand that you do it out of love for our friend, but this can hurt Nile just as much. You had better pick a side, Smith. This woman, or your friend?” Mike threw back his drink in one swift gulp.
“But either way, it’s going to break your heart.”
Erwin blinked at Mike.
Then he chuckles warmly, a hand flicking away his blonde hair.
He’s always known that Mike was as keen as they come, but…
“Since when were you so wise, Bloodhound?
A/N: AND THIS IS THE PART WHERE I RAMBLE AND DON’T HAVE TO WRITE PROPERLY LMAO
Captain Brezenska - I always had this headcanon that Rico comes from a military family, considering how seriously she takes her job as a Garrison soldier compared to her peers. Not to mention how she seems to have risen through the ranks as Captain despite looking quite young. I imagine, unlike the Survey Corps, you’ll need YEARS of experience to become an Elite Squad captain in the Garrison, since well… a third of the regiment doesn’t die every three months lol. So the Captain Brezenska mentioned here is Rico’s father!
The Blue Book- Another headcanon! The US Army calls their official guide to military training and maneuvers as “The Blue Book.” I think it made sense for the Cadet Corps to make use of a ‘Blue Book’ for its trainees as well.
That’s all for now! I’m working on a shit ton of other projects rn (I’m a commissioning artist hihihuhuhu) Not to mention c o l l e g e (ugh.) So Chapter 6 might take a while huhu.
In the meantime, I would love love love to interact with you lovelies, since I missed ya’ll sooo much! You can go hit me up here anytime! Or even at my ig: @artexmaria where I post a lot of my art, AND where I may or may not post my Derek Smith art if anyone’s wondering about Erwin’s hot old brother *winkwink.* Y’all can also find me on AO3 as RosemaryTumbleweed <3
#erwin smith#erwin smith x marie#erwin smith x marie dok#marie dok#marie#nile dok#nile dawk#nile dawk x marie dawk#nile dok x marie dok#mike Zacharias#the wingman#the wingman chapter 5#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#commander erwin smith#erwin smith x marie x nile dawk#erwin smith x reader#erwin smith x oc#erwin smith x you#erwin smith x y/n
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Kacxa Week 2020 Day 6 - Battle Injury
Words
SUMMARY: Keith and Acxa’s daughters have passed their Trials of Marmora and embark on their first combat mission, against the pirates of Penzarance. The girls learn that words can cut just as deeply as any Luxite Blade, and just as importantly they learn about the power of forgiveness.
AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26910880
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Acxa/Keith (Voltron)
Characters: Acxa (Voltron), Keith (Voltron), Original Blade of Marmora Character(s)
Additional Tags: Kacxa Week 2020, Family Drama, Family Issues, Family Dynamics, Family Bonding, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
---------------
It was the call Keith hoped he would never hear.
“Dad…please…come quickly…Mom’s down!”
His heart about to explode in his chest from its rapid beating, Keith races across the battlefield to his daughter’s position.
This raid was the first combat assignment with Blade of Marmora for both of his daughters since the successful completion of their Trials of Marmora two decaphoebs earlier. Keith had high hopes for this mission. This would be the opportunity for his girls to prove their worth, that they can function as full-fledged members of the Blade of Marmora.
Unfortunately, events began to spiral out of his control even before the start of the engagement on Penzarance.
And now it seems things have gone horribly wrong.
---------------
Twelve Vargas Earlier
Against Keith’s wishes, Acxa sets the assault team rosters so that Mireya is a member of her team. As Blade Master he does not countermand her decision because he does not want Acxa’s authority undermined within the Blade of Marmora. He also knows that he will catch hell from at least one of the women in his family no matter what he does.
However, he warns her about how this move will be perceived not only by the other Blades, but by Mireya.
Mireya is anything but pleased about this turn of events. To her, this is another example of her mother hovering over her, nitpicking everything she does. This time, Mireya decides to stand up for herself. She confronts her mother in front of her father, great uncle, and sister, and starts a rather vociferous argument over the assignment. Anyone observing it would call it a blowup of galactic proportions.
“Why, Mom? Dad explicitly stated that he wanted Cataleya and I assigned to Uncle Meltok’s command. I don’t get it. Why are you doing this?”
“There is nothing to ‘get’, Mireya. I’m the tactical leader of this operation, and I have the final say on team assignments. I am not used to having my orders questioned and I will not tolerate it now. You are a Blade of Marmora going on a combat mission. You are expected to obey orders, and I expect you to obey these orders.”
Mireya, just turned 18, storms out of the briefing room but not before screaming at her mother.
“You’re suffocating me, Mom! I hate you! I HOPE YOU DIE! Maybe then I can finally breathe.”
Not happy with his daughter’s choice of words, Keith calls after her just as she slams the door to the briefing room. “Mireya you don’t mean that.”
Cataleya, just as upset with the situation as her sister, takes a deep breath before trying to calm her visibly upset mother.
“Mom, she didn’t mean that.”
Cut deeply by Mireya’s words, Acxa tries to hide the hurt from Cataleya. “I don’t know Cataleya…your sister and I have been butting heads for so long now.”
“Mom that’s because you two are so much alike in personality. Stubbornness and all. Give her some space. She’ll come around.”
Keith starts to go after Mireya, but Cataleya stops him.
“Dad, wait. Let me talk to her. No offense, she might listen to me.”
---------------
The scene is the nightmare scenario Keith feared it would be.
His wife lay in a bomb crater, bleeding from a shrapnel wound to the stomach. Her right arm and shoulder are badly lacerated. He thinks to himself that it is a good thing she is unconscious. The pain must be unbearable.
He races to her and begins treatment to stabilize her. He does his best to keep his emotions in check as he works to save the life of the woman who said she would be his until the day she died. He does not want today to be that day.
“Mireya did you call for medical backup?”
“I…uncle…coming…”
She stands there, frozen by the sight of her critically injured mother.
Meltok leaps into the crater and quickly moves to Acxa’s side, his first-aid kit already open. “Medivac is on its way, Keith. Bars is talking to them. Let me check her.”
Keith steps back as his uncle, an accomplished field medic, hurries to stabilize Acxa until medivac arrives. Cataleya joins them and stands next to her shell-shocked sister.
Struggling against the flood of his own emotions as he battles to hold it together, Keith turns to his daughters.
“Cataleya, take your sister to the rear. I’ll meet up with you two once your mother is stabilized.”
Keith looks calmly at his daughters, both now frozen by the sight of their injured mother. He speaks to them in a calm and level voice. “Go on, soldiers. I gave you an order. Move to the rear.”
Cataleya snaps out of it and manages a shaky, “Yes sir.”
Blade of Marmora Sergeant Bars joins Keith and Meltok. “Medivac is incoming. They’ll be here in two doboshes. Master Chief, how bad?”
Meltok does not pull any punches. “Bad, Bars. Really bad.”
---------------
As the medivac team moves in to prep Acxa for evacuation to the field hospital, Meltok reminds Keith of something.
“Go back with her and talk to her.”
“What?”
“Remember what she did for you after you nearly got blown to kingdom come by one of Honerva’s white mechs?1 Talk to her. Give her a reason to hang on until the docs back at the field hospital can stabilize her. Don’t worry about this operation. I’ll take command and mop these pirates up. You worry about your wife.”
---------------
Keith goes with the Acxa and the medics to the rear. After seven hours of surgery, with Keith present, she emerges, in critical but stable condition.
His aunt Miara, a first-rate doctor in her own right and in charge of the field hospital, comes in to keep a close eye on her.
“Keith, you need to talk to Mireya. She’s been inconsolable since Cataleya took her to the rear. Come to think of it, Cataleya isn’t doing much better.”
“I guess the sight of their mother…in that state…that would do it. Aunt Miara, would you send them in. They need to see that their mother is going to be ok”
---------------
The girls are ushered into the room by Miara. Mireya rushes to her mother’s bedside, takes her hand, and begins sobbing inconsolably.
“Mom…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I don’t want you to die. Please, Mom, don’t leave.”
Cataleya sits on the other side of her mother’s bed, holding Acxa’s left hand. She remains silent, but her tears flow just as freely.
Keith goes to console Mireya, taking her in his arms and letting her get her emotions out. When she finally calms down enough to speak, he asks her what happened.
“We were pinned down. We were taking heavy ion rifle fire and we couldn’t move forward. Mom was so calm. Dad, she was amazing. She said the only way we could beat them was to distract them, flank them, so that we could get close enough to lob grenades into their position to take them out. She asked me if I could do that…I said I could. I wanted her to trust me and this was my chance. Two of us made a flanking maneuver around the right side of the pirate defensive line. We drew their fire, and Mom was able to get close enough to throw two grenades into their position.”
“One went off. The fuse on the other was defective. One of the pirates threw the grenade back into her position. It exploded before she could take cover. I saw Mom go down…and I freaked out.”
“Freaked out in what way, honey.”
“I was so mad that I charged the pirate position single handedly. I think I took out, seven, eight pirates?”
While Mireya explains what happened, Meltok joins them and, standing at the entrance to the room listens to most of her explanation. When she gets to the part where she guesses at how many pirates she took down, he clears his throat to get Keith’s attention.
“That’s not quite true, Mireya. You didn’t take out 8 pirates. It was more like 20.”
Shocked, Keith looks first at Mireya, then at Meltok. “She did what?”
“You would have been proud of her, Keith. She took out twelve with her blaster pistol. Twelve shots, twelve kills. The last eight she took down with her Blade. Watching her with the pistol, she reminded me of her mother; watching her with her Blade, she reminded me of her father.”
“For the record…Cataleya is no slouch in those categories either. She’s just as good as her sister and she proved it today. She took out and entire gun line in the bunker complex, about 20 pirates, by herself.”
Mireya looks at her father hopefully. “Dad…is Mom going to be ok?”
Keith calls his daughters to him and gives them both a tight hug.
“She’s going to be sore, honey, but she’ll pull through. Your mother is tough. She’s been through worse than this. Let’s see, she’s crash-landed inside the belly of an intergalactic space worm, she was poisoned by Bralarian Hyenas after flying her ship to Braylar IV with a broken arm2 , she was almost skewered by Sendak after fighting him on top of a cruiser that was plummeting to Earth3…and she gave birth to you two hellions. She’ll pull through. Besides, she loves you girls too much to leave you now.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret. Mom heard everything we just said. She heard Uncle Meltok say what you both did today. I know when she wakes up, she’ll tell you proud she is of her daughters.”
A still very agitated Mireya is not so sure. “Yeah…if she ever forgives me for being an ungrateful little bitch…”
“She knows you are not that, honey. Hey, I have an idea. I think Mom would like it if the three of us sat here with her and talked to her for a bit. Would you be willing to do that with me?”
---------------
Six vargas later, Acxa wakes up from her ordeal.
Vaguely aware of her husband’s presence, she reaches out for him. “Keith…?”
Keith squeezes her hand and leans closer so she can see him. “I’m here, love.”
“Thank you…for staying here with me. And talking to me. I heard you. Where…where are the girls? Are they…?”
“They are safe, and they are well. Aunt Miara took them to get something to eat.” Keith gently strokes her hair and horns. “You my dear have two heroes on your hands. Cataleya took out an entire gun line in the middle sector by herself. Mireya single-handedly took out the heavy rifle emplacements in your sector. It would seem that our daughters are now seasoned combat veterans. They’re not little girls anymore, Acxa.”
Acxa closes her eyes for a moment as she desperately tries to hold back the tears. Opening them, she turns towards Keith, sadness reflected in her deep blue eyes. “Where are my girls? I need to see them. I need to…”
From the shadows, her daughters tentatively emerge. “We…we’re here Mom.”
Mireya rushes to Acxa’s side and buries her head against her mother’s arm. “Mom, I’m so sorry about what I said before the mission. I didn’t mean any of that. When I saw you go down, I…I went crazy. Mom, please forgive me. I’m a horrible daughter.”
Fully awake now and aware of her daughter’s mental state, Acxa easily slips back into Mom mode. “No Mireya…you are a wonderful daughter. I forgot how much you’ve grown these past two decaphoebs. You’re an adult now. It’s time I started treating you like one.”
She looks at Cataleya and calls her over. “It’s time I started treating both of you like the adults you are. I’m so proud of both of you.”
Keith looks on with pride at his family.
“Acxa, you need to rest. I’ll sit with you. You girls need to get some rest as well.”
Cataleya does not want to hear that. “Dad, we’re not leaving. We’re staying with you and Mom.”
Acxa looks at Keith. “You know they get their stubbornness from their father.”
“Said the pot to the kettle. Go to sleep, woman!”
“No! I’m going to lay hear and let my daughters entertain me with stories of their exploits.”
Keith looks first at Acxa, then at his daughters.
“And your mother says I’m the stubborn one…”
1 Rejected by the Galra, Chapter 14 The Shared Path
2 Return of the Prince, Chapter 14, Cry of the Wolf
3 Rejected by the Galra, Chapter 12 Lions Pride
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I have very long, complex dreams as anyone who's read my journal before knows. I dream in novels/full-fledged series. (I also have a lot of dreams staring a transgender character.)
So, background information first. It was AU-Gundamverse, only without any actual Gundams. The colonies in this functioned more like planets in, say, Star Trek or Firefly, in that they are each run by independent governments only loosely united through a ‘federation’ of sorts. Some colonies are tied very closely, others barely if at all.
L2 in this case is a fringe colony with little to no Federation-influence. It has a strict caste system in place, with a rich elite class at the top and casteless ‘untouchables’ at the very bottom (street people basically). The casteless are barely considered people, have pretty much no rights, can be used as slaves by the elites, aren’t allowed to hold legal jobs, enter certain areas, etc. (Think DragonAge casteless dwarves.) Right below the elite caste is the military, which is also pretty much the only way someone can advance their caste. Any caste can enlist in the military, except casteless of course.
(The Federation maintains trade relations with L2 despite not agreeing morally with their whole thing. People from the Federation can travel and do business but must abide by the rules of the colony. This ties in later.)
Okay, back to the military. This isn’t like a modern military set-up but more like SPARTA. Children can be enlisted as young as 10 and as late as 13, and some begin training at home even younger. Enlistees attend a central academy for five years where they live, study, and train until they ‘graduate’ as full-fledged soldiers, anywhere between age 15-18. Training is very strict and regimented, but the majority of low-middle caste families have children enlisted because again, it��s like the only way to advance. The military is controlled by the elite caste, but not many elites enroll. Those that do are highly respected, however. Within the military, things are pretty much egalitarian/achievement-based. Males and females train together and have the same standards, although they do have separate sleeping and showing quarters. During their time at the academy, trainees are forbidden to leave except for being released to their family at holidays, and only then if the family requests it. Post-graduation, all soldiers are enrolled for life or until injured past ability to serve. They serve as police force, quash rebellion, and have the potential to combat wars in the colony’s defense, although it’s been a generation or two since that’s been necessary.
The reward? Status, pay, and basically the ability to do anything you want to anyone lower than an elite. In fact, at the Academy, there is a ‘Game Room’ staffed with lower caste ‘employees’, open for use by both trainers, soldiers, and trainees in good standing. Think light stuff like food and entertainment, but also things like gambling, porn, and prostitution.
Okay, so character stuff. Duo starts out more or less the same: an orphan on the streets of L2. This means he’s casteless. Solo cares for him, before dying of the plague. Duo survives and is taken in by the Maxwell Orphanage, which is run by volunteers from the Federation to care for casteless children. This is border-line following the colony’s rules so while it’s allowed by L2, they don’t have support from the Federation government. This means that when rebels shelter there, and the military destroys the orphanage, the Federation can’t really do anything except pass some pretty ineffective sanctions. Same as the original, Duo survives. He’s caught at the ruins, having stolen military weapons (his canon) to get the rebels to leave, and when the military attempts to capture them, he attacks them and does pretty damn well for a kid. The commander grabs Duo and notes that the kid has no fear of death and no computation about killing and decides on a whim to make Duo his new pet project.
The commander is also an elite and concerned to be a little eccentric but brilliant and effective, and he’s able to use his influence to get his way. There’s no actual LAW about casteless not being allowed to enlist, just custom. He overrides everyone’s protests and forcibly enlists Duo in the academy. Duo HATES it and tries to get away numerous times but is well and stuck. He’s also brilliant at it, so despite all protests, he continues as head of his class for years.
So, some complicated stuff in the mix here. When the commander – we’ll call him Commander G… He’s not G, but maybe like his son (but, you know, handsome)? When Commander G gets Duo back to the academy and scrubbed up clean (they let him keep his hair… it’s anime military, all in uniform but crazy hair everywhere), it turns out Duo is a GIRL. More accurately, Duo is biologically female but has never identified ‘herself’ as such, which Solo, Sister Helen, and Father Maxwell were always very accepting about, so ‘she’ hasn’t really had to deal with too much. Despite the caste system, L2 is pretty loose about homosexuality and gender equality. So, actual gender identity isn’t a huge deal in society, but it obviously for Duo, who at age 10/11 is suddenly bunked up with a bunch of women and not able to quite put his finger on why he feels so uncomfortable with that. ‘She’ also hasn’t hit puberty yet (childhood malnutrition + the extensive training at the Academy = delayed puberty and a lot of female trainees never getting their period), so dysmorphia hasn’t quite become a thing yet. In addition, at the start, the casteless thing is a bigger deal. Despite the military being pretty much egalitarian, a lot of that develops the longer trainees are together, plus casteless is not just low, but pretty much untouchable. Like, no one wants to sit near Duo, or be on ‘her’ team for assignment, she has to bunk on her own way over in a corner, etc.
Eventually, this starts to improve a little. Duo still passionately hates being forced into the military that slaughtered ‘her’ family but knows the skills will be useful and is basically just biding ‘her’ time. But like I said, Duo is brilliant when it comes to training. ‘She’ still keeps to herself mostly but eventually a group of other trainees take Duo with them to the Game room, half as a joke on the misfit. Duo eventually becomes sexually active and Does Not Like. To clarify – Duo is bisexual and capable of enjoying sexual activity but at this point is starting to develop so the body dysmorphia is coming into play. He starts to become more aware that his body doesn’t match his identity and starts to have issues with this that affect his training. THIS grabs Commander G’s attention who’s been keeping a distant eye on his little pet project. Duo obviously doesn’t trust anyone and isn’t about to talk about it, so Commander G pretty much gets to the bottom of it by raping Duo (not considered rape in L2 because remember, Duo is casteless and still effectively has no rights).
Next? Now that Commander G knows the issue, he solves it. He gets Duo top surgery and moves him to the male dorm. Easy-peasy if you’re an elite and have endless wealth, resources, and rights. He also basically promises to cover Duo’s full conversion so long as he behaves until graduation – ie. no more attempts to run away. This leaves Duo basically beholden to the man he hates the most in the world.
Fast-forward to Duo’s last year at the academy. He’s one of only a dozen students selected for an elite class, who after graduation will be L2’s version of special forces. This is also the first-time piloting is involved, because the special forces gets all the aircraft. Duo gets thrown into the pilot seat kinda accidentally in training and ROCKS. He’s already excelled at stealth, hacking, assassination, infiltration, etc. Piloting he’s better than his instructors and Commander G is super creepy proud. He’s become a little obsessed as one may notice, as in his mind, Duo is a resource that he’s taken and developed into a very useful, deadly tool. This is also the first time Duo actually starts to bond a bit with his other trainees. They don’t quite become friends but the closest thing to it at this point. This whole time though, he’s contriving a plan to escape on graduation day, knowing at that point security will be the lowest. He gets his surgery along with a creepy speech from Commander G about how he’s been a successful gamble. Graduation day, he hightails it out, knowing everyone is going to be occupied until it’s too late.
Of course, he’s still stuck on L2 and pretty much aware at this point Commander G at least is going to be after him.
Remember that bit about others being able to travel to L2? Well, the circus has arrived! Trowa’s circus in fact, which has travelled from L3. The dream didn’t get too much into detail about backstory, but Quatre is with them and it’s kinda inferred the Winner Corp is funding the circus. It’s also inferred that although the circus is real enough, Quatre and Trowa are also working together to travel around the Federation incognito to help people and look out for potential issues, which L2 is FULL of. Duo runs into them and is prepping himself to get turned in and is shocked when they instead agree to help him (Trowa a bit more reluctantly/suspiciously than Quatre).
The dream pretty much ended with them helping to smuggle Duo off-planet using the circus as cover. The rest was kind of like to “next time on such-and-such” preview. We see Duo piloting a ship with Trowa and Quatre behind him, implying that he’s teamed up with them. Heero is seen working on another ship with the implication they’ll be meeting up soon, and there’s the briefest glimpse of Wufei. Back on L2, we see Commander G steaming and gathering the special forces graduates from Duo’s class who he ‘betrayed’ to go after him. There’s some arguing about it between G and the L2 government which kind of foreshadows a military coup and the L2 military possibly declaring war against the Federation for ‘interference’.
And then I woke up, lol!
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the light side | Poe Dameron x Reader | Part Two
A/N: The response to this was so lovely!! I’m imagining Leia walking into the med bay as that one gif from Community when Donald Glover’s character walks in to find everything on fire lmao
Rating: T
Warning: Discussions of whether to keep a baby. Naughty language.
Word count: 1,537, apparently!!
Summary: Poe gets it together and let’s you make the decision that’s rightfully yours to make. He’s willing to support you either way and you are touched by how caring this near stranger is.
Part One
GIF credit: buckyssteves
Tags: @empressoftheundergroundsun @taina-eny @katnisspeetaprim @imaginecrushes @alina-barnes @nerdbookish
-
General Leia Organa's determined steps faltered when she walked in to see her best pilot unconscious in a bed while one of her best soldiers sat in the one next to it.
You didn't look over when she entered the room, staring ahead at something.
"I was told that you were unconscious and Poe brought you here." Her slightly confused statement had you nodding distractedly. "Then what the hell—" She stopped at your bed and followed your line of vision to see that you were staring at a hologram of a blob, with vague extra features similar to ones she had seen before.
"The droid said it's eight weeks," you said so softly that she almost couldn't hear you.
Leia was no idiot; she knew what that blob was.
Your gaze flickered to Poe and then slowly moved to her.
She knew what that meant too.
There was a reason he was the one passed out instead of you.
"What do I do?" You trembled beneath the weight of carrying a life in the middle of a war that took and would take so many. "I don't know what I should do."
"I think that's a discussion for you and Poe." A motherly hand lifted to squeeze your shoulder.
"I don't think he's gonna know what to do either."
"Talk to him when he stops being dramatic. He's smarter than he may look. If you need me, you know you can come to me. But I'm not the one you should be making decisions with."
She brushed away a tear that had fallen from your eye, looking over as Poe woke up with a start. Smiling at you kindly, she walked out and left you alone.
Poe looked entirely bewildered, his eyes lighting up when they landed on you. "I had the craziest dream about you and—" He was bound to see the hologram that was obvious enough for even him to guess what it was.
Stepping out of bed, he walked to yours and you stared at the picture in silence as it rotated slowly, allowing you to see every angle.
He gripped the sheet at the edge of the mattress tightly. "Are you gonna keep—"
"You can't ask that of me," you interrupted him quickly, through a clenched jaw. "I don't know you. We're on our way to a full-fledged war and I'm pregnant with the baby of someone that I don't know."
"I'm sorry." His eyes softened as you began to sob and he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling you close to his chest; you didn't know each other much, but this pregnancy was between the two of you and being held by someone who understood was comforting no matter how little you'd interacted.
"Should I keep it? I don't know what to do."
"I wasn't going to tell you to keep it. This is your choice. I'm the guy who fucked up and didn't take his birth control shot. I shouldn't get a say in it."
"I didn't remember mine," you realized, having been too busy to come into the med bay in at least four months. It had been long enough for you to not be able to recall exactly when you'd gotten your last shot. "I don't know what to do."
Your gaze returned to the rotating image and the reality of the decision you had to make seemed to crash over you like a wave.
You hurriedly pulled away from Poe, moving off the bed and leaving the room as fast as you were able to.
He watched you go with a strange mix of confusion and understanding, a touch of sadness that you had to figure this out and that he had helped put you here.
The scan of the baby could be seen out of the corner of his eye. He moved to it and narrowed his gaze at the little thing, reaching up as if he could hold it.
His fingers went through it as they were bound to, making the image flicker for a moment.
He'd always imagined this would be an exciting time for him, after the war was over with someone he loved, marveling over the life they had created or even adopted from somewhere.
A baby with an acquaintance when you were in such a busy, dangerous time wasn't what he had desired or anticipated.
He wouldn't blame you if you decided not to go through with it, even if he had to admit that the thing was kinda cute to him already.
It wasn't his right to force you to keep something he thought was cute.
You were the one carrying it and while you were both living too hectic lives to care for a child, you would bear the brunt of it regardless.
He'd meant it when he said it was your decision.
If you got rid of it, he would support you.
If you kept it, he would do whatever the hell you wanted him to whether that involved leaving you alone or doing what he could to care for it.
And damn, he was already willing to fight off the entire galaxy to keep that baby safe if you wanted to have it.
There wasn't any use in imagining what he would or wouldn't do with either choice.
You needed time and all he needed to do was let you have it until you were ready to come to the decision that was yours and yours alone to make.
-
You'd locked yourself away for four days.
The impatient part of Poe wanted to knock on your door until you told him what you had decided, but the part of him that knew he needed to respect you busied itself with ship repairs and small missions instead of doing that.
He was almost forgetting about it as he started to doze off in the middle of the night when someone knocked on his door.
Blinking tiredly, he got out of bed and opened the door to see you standing there.
"I'm keeping the baby," you said so quickly that he didn't have a chance to even think of saying something. "I know it's stupid, but that's what my heart is telling me to do. I wanted you to know that and to know that I don't expect anything from you. We hardly know each other and we didn't mean to have a baby...you're under no obligation to help me take care of it. This is my decision and I'm not going to ask you for anything when you're busy with the war."
You started to walk away and Poe's sleepy brain realized what you had been rambling about.
He was more than awake now, reaching out and grabbing onto your arms, pulling you into his room.
"I wouldn't do that to you. That's my kid. I wanna be there for my kid. You may have to do a lot for that baby since you're carrying it, but I'm not going to let you do it alone and I'm not letting you bear the brunt of it." His grip on your arms turned to slow, gentle stroking. "You're busy with the war too. You don't have to give all that up when I helped create this baby."
"You barely know me."
"I slept with you. We created this thing together and I'm not abandoning it."
"That's...nice." You weren't sure if it was your hormones or Poe's dedication to a child he didn't intend to have that made your eyes fill with tears.
"I'm gonna be there for you as much as you want me to be."
"Did you know you're a really good guy?" Your rhetorical question earned a small smile and before you knew it, you were pressing yourself to his chest and wrapping your arms around him tightly. "I'm scared."
He squeezed you back, though cautiously. "You don't have to do this."
You closed your eyes against tears. "I know."
The two of you stayed like that for a couple moments, feeling closer to each other than you'd felt to anyone even though you had been practical strangers.
It was when you found yourself dozing off in his arms from your exhaustion, stress, and hormones that you made yourself pull away, giving him an appreciative look that encompassed how thankful you were for the way he was so easily willing to support you and the baby.
"I'm here. Whatever you need, whenever it's needed. It doesn't have to know me if you don't want it to, but I'd really like to be there as much as I can. It's up to you."
"I think I would be doing the baby a disservice by keeping you out of its life." You could see the relief in his eyes from your answer. "We have time to discuss how this is all going to work, don't we?"
You agreed to talk about it more as time went on, then Poe told you that you should get some sleep.
Both of you were sure that with each other things would be okay, even though you were two strangers having a baby and both damn terrified of every single detail of it.
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The Recruit (1/?)
A/N: I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m rusty but this has been in my head...Idk if anyone will read it...but yea enjoy...or don’t lol. Just be nice cuz I’m sensitive about my shit
A heavy sigh escaped my lips, bordering the line of becoming a full fledged groan as my back was once again slammed into the padded floor of the training room. My body begged me to stay down, to humbly accept the defeat that seemed to be destined for me. Possibly foolishly, I lifted myself from the ground without an ounce of grace. With a shaky breath, I willed myself not to burst into tears as I composed myself back into a fighting stance.
You would have thought that my persistence would grant me some type of mercy or even approval from my trainer. But seeing as though my trainer was currently more of a tormentor than an actual trainer seeing as though I hadn’t really learned anything new in the seven months of rigorous training. I had however, found myself constantly flattened on my back like a pancake. Even in non physical aspects, my answers were always wrong. But this was something I’d wanted more than anything so I couldn’t give up. At least that’s what I’d spent the last few months telling myself. I was slowly losing the will to convince myself of that.
Bucky gave me a slow disapproving glare-- the expression that was only saved for me. As head of SHIELD’s training division, Bucky never seemed to impressed with any of us new recruits. But he was less than unimpressed by me, he was disgusted by me. At first, I’d assumed it was some messed up version of tough love, of him trying to bring out the best in me through being overly harsh. However, his biting words and icy stares had only proven that he did not believe I belonged there. He didn’t think I was good enough.
That revelation had not struck me by surprise. It had unfortunately been a common theme in my life I was striving to overcome. Throughout my military training and my time at an ivy-league university, I had often found myself in rooms where I was the only woman of color among many white men. My cocoa pigmented skin, broad nose, and coarse, untamed hair often conveyed a message to my counterparts that I brought significantly less to the table. Many times I’d been questioned about if I only succeeded as much as I had due to affirmative action, as if I hadn’t put in three times the effort to achieve all I had.
Bucky Barnes was from an era where black women were rarely little else other than maids or service workers. In his day being black and female was a double whammy of struggle and shame. Is that why he constantly treated me as if I had no right to be on such an elite team? Is that the reason he never showed me an ounce of mercy during our sparring sessions-- never hesitating to use his super soldier strength and enhanced metal arm to bring me to defeat? Did he believe because of my skin color that I automatically lacked the capacity to avenge evil like the rest of them?
My thoughts fueled me with brand new anger and resistance. Gritting my teeth and narrowing my mind’s focus, I uttered a simple “Again.” With a deep inhale, i summoned the strength of my ancestors, remembering how resilient they’d been, reminding myself that that same DNA flowed through my blood. I reminded myself that I was indeed good enough. I was Princeton educated, I’d served as a Lieutenant in the Air Force. I had what it took and Bucky Barnes would find out one way or another. Unfortunately, today would not be that day.
“Training’s over.” He dismissed me quickly, without so much as a second glance as he moved to pick up the equipment we’d used during this session. The rest of my teammates quickly dispersed to the locker rooms, the signs of fatigue evident as they trudged away. I however found myself unable to move as I stared angrily at the back of Bucky’s head, secretly wishing I had some sort of heat vision.
“I believe you were dismissed, recruit.” Bucky threw over his shoulder as he continued straightening the room back.
“Yes, but I need to speak to you.” I replied, knowing that I was treading into dangerous waters. However, I could no longer allow myself to not be given a fair shot. I’d been benched from missions because Bucky kept claiming I wasn’t ready. When I asked for extra training in order to fix whatever he felt I was lacking, I’d been swiftly denied. Even still, I’d been getting up at 4 every morning to train my damn self, pouring over tactical training books til the early morning hours. And yet, I still wasn’t good enough.
“If it’s not regarding training, we have nothing to discuss.” Bucky responded with a clip in his tone as he finally turned to face me.
“Well it is regarding my training.” I blurted quickly before I lost my nerve and his attention. “I have sat out for 4 missions, despite me training intensely on my own. I have asked for specific feedback from you regarding what makes me ‘not ready’ in your eyes and have received none. No matter what I have tried, it never seems to be enough for you. I am all too aware of the discrepancy between how you treat my colleagues versus how you interact with me. And I have only one question...is it because I’m black?” I rambled, knowing that I had just crossed a line that I could not quickly backpedaled behind.
I was never one to play the race card, even when it was warranted. I never wanted to be seen as someone who was quick to accuse everyone of being discriminatory. I’d seen it go awry too often. But, I was at a loss for what else to say. Combined with the fact that Bucky tended to make me nervous and having his full undivided attention only amplified that, I found I no longer had control of my mouth.
My words seemed to catch Bucky by surprise as bewilderment shown in his arctic blue eyes. His mouth attempted to form words for several minutes, his lips opening and closing several times as he sputtered without sound. He almost looked like a deer in headlights, giving him a much sweeter appearance than I was used to. In this light, he was almost attractive--even if he did hate my guts.
“No. Absolutely not.” Bucky finally managed to choke out with a conviction that sounded completely authentic. Though I was relieved to know it had nothing to do with my skin color, I found myself devastated. If it wasn’t because of my outward characteristics, could it be because of my inward nature? The thought alone caused a crushing pain to rush through my chest. Did this mean, that I truly wasn’t good enough? That I didn’t belong here simply because I didn’t have what it takes?
Completely stunned and with the fight knocked out of me, all I could utter was a breathless “Oh.” Bucky narrowed his eyes in my direction as if assessing the inner turmoil I was experiencing. His entire demeanor seemed to soften towards me, making me feel as if I was standing in front of a complete stranger. The only interactions I’d had with Bucky had been gruff, impersonal, and standoffish. On the rarest of occasions I’d seen him crack a smile or even joke with one of his fellow avengers or another of the recruits. However, this softer side was something I’d never witnessed before.
A soft, shy smile played on Bucky’s lips as he took a cautious step towards me, bringing us closer than we’d ever stood to one another besides during sparring when he’d used all his power to defeat me. “I know that I’ve been hard on you. And it’s unfair to you. I apologize for that. I was just... I dunno.” he whispered, almost as if he feared my reaction to his words.
“You don’t know what?” I answered, unsatisfied with that attempted explanation. I needed more than that. I needed to know his treatment hadn’t been because he viewed me as a waste of time. Bucky’s shy smile grew more timid as he took another careful step in my direction. He was so close, I had no other choice but to lift my head up to see his face. To anyone looking in on this, it might have seemed like an intimate moment between two people with a deep connection. However, that was far from the case between Bucky and I.
“I’ve been so hard on you because...I’ve treated you differently than the rest of the recruits because, I feel differently about you than the rest of the recruits. I was trying not to treat you different but I guess I still treated you different. But I’m in charge of training you guys so I shouldn’t feel anything towards any of you, but then I did and I didn’t know how to not feel it.” Bucky rambled nervously. From what I had known, Bucky never seemed flustered. He was always the perfect vision of cool, calm, and collected with a natural brooding nature about him. It was what some might call an attractive swagger. Some, but not me. Perplexed, I found myself tilting my head in question, silently prompting him to expound in a way I’d understand.
“What I mean to say is...I’ve been so hard on you because I’m soft for you. I’m in love with you.” Bucky finally breathed out, his eyes connecting with mine as we stared at one another in silence, both of us waiting for the other to make the first move.
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Lust and Havoc Share A Body AU
Howdy! Me and one of my best friends started this off of a joke and then I fell into the rabbit hole and wound up making it a full fledged AU
The basic summary here is that after Lust’s death, Father puts her into Havoc’s body and they end up stuck together similarly to Greed and Ling. Lust’s characterization is also a mix between brotherhood and 03 (because duh yknow?) Also I have a few joke-y interactions as well that I wanna draw for this AU, but we’ll see! If I have the time I definitely will
I’ll also be splitting the post into parts here to make it easier to navigate through
The Beginning/The How:
Jean Havoc is a stubborn, skilled, strong-willed, soldier who Lust has spent months getting to know under the guise of being “Solaris” and whether she’d ever admit it or not, part of her is actually attached to him by the time she confronts Roy & Jean under Central
At some point, she’s convinced herself that he could be a potential valuable asset and useful to the grand plan in some way
Lust gets Havoc’s body to Father’s base of operations at some point inbetween Roy & Jean’s fight and the fight with Riza, Barry, and Alphonse.
Admittedly details on this part are a little hazy, since the entrance way to Father’s base is behind Riza and the group, but I’m fairly certain there’s gotta be other like side entrances and stuff like how Bido comes across Greed and such.
And I figured maybe she recruited another homunculi to help her move the body like maybe Pride yknow since Lust is one of the higher ranking homunculi
When Father is brought Havoc’s unconscious, bleeding body, he’s kind of just like “What the fuck is this?” like Lust is a cat who brought him a dead rat as a gift. But Lust has never really given him reason not to trust her, so he figures he might as well wait until she gets back and hear her out on why the hell she brought him the body of a dying human before he inevitably destroys Havoc
Only Lust is killed by Roy and doesn’t come back and now Father just has some idiot soldier in his base of operations
Father recognizes Havoc as one of Roy’s unit, and figures “Well, we have this guy, might as well try and get some use out of him before he dies” and inserts a Philosopher’s Stone made from Lust into Havoc’s wounds
Havoc & Lust Reunite:
Havoc is too stubborn to relinquish control of his body so Lust frankly doesn’t get to just take over, but Havoc’s also too stubborn to die, so Lust still has a chance
Despite this, Havoc expresses to New Lust that he’s willing to let her borrow his body as long as it isn’t forever
He takes it as a chance to talk to her about the whole homunculi thing and also whether or not she was ever actually serious about their relationship. Not to mention he could probably gather some intel for Roy about the homunculi and Hughes’ death and stuff!
The entire conversation, Havoc is calling Lust “Solaris”
Lust is just like “Who the fuck is Solaris? Who the fuck are you? What are you talking about? This is my body now, thanks, please go away”
Ultimately though, Lust knows how unlikely it is she’ll get another chance to come back without Havoc, she’s useful to Father but not necessary. So she reluctantly agrees and agrees to share the body, but she intends to eventually completely take over
Father has Lust go undercover eventually to help prevent Roy’s team from continuing to get in the way of their plans
Lust isn’t too happy about having to pretend to be Havoc and paralyzed but she’s not going to disregard her orders
Havoc makes a good point (much to Lust’s surprise) that he can just front when they have to talk to anyone who knows him and Lust really hates to admit that it’s definitely smarter than having her take his place sometimes
Miscellaneous:
Havoc spends a lot of his time when he’s not in control talking to Lust, or trying to
He never calls he Lust, he completely insists on referring to her as Solaris
And most of his topics is just him going over dumb stories from hanging out with Team Mustang or from growing up or what random trivia he seems to know about things
He does however try talking to her about their dates a lot
Lust hates to admit it when her memories start coming back
She tries not to talk about it like Jean can’t see the memories himself when she gets them, she’d rather pretend she doesn’t remember him or their time together or anything that led to her actively choosing to save his life that night
Jean doesn’t confront her about it really, but he’s going to get answers out of her eventually
He never asks why she saved him, but he thinks he knows. He knows that she’s not as much as a monster as she’s been acting since they merged, he knows that somewhere in her she actually cares and she doesn’t hate humans as much as she says
He makes a lot of jokes as well of course, mostly bad puns or cheesy pickup lines. He claims it’s just his way of keeping himself from dying of boredom, but eventually Lust can’t help it and she laughs and he knows he’s broken through to her, even just a little crack
Havoc has no sense of style and Lust is not about to stand for that, when he’s released from the hospital and they’re living in his hometown, one of the first things she does it make him clean out all of his wardrobe and go buy new clothes
Lust pretends to turn a blind-eye to Havoc passing notes to Team Mustang and helping them
She can’t have failed to stop them if she never noticed
Jean pretends not to notice, but he’s not stupid, he knows damn well that she could stop him and ruin the communications if she wanted
Havoc’s also got a surprisingly tight knit family and Lust really doesn’t know how to handle that obstacle
The closest to a sense of family she’s ever had was Gluttony and maybe Envy, neither of which really prepared her for being involved with a real human family
She draws similarities between Gluttony and the Havoc family dog though, the comparison makes both herself and Jean laugh
Jean chalks that up to another breakthrough
He tries to use the window to get Lust to open up and talk about the other homunculi
Surprisingly she does, though it’s mostly just stories about Gluttony, she wonders idly about how he’s doing and whether he knows she’s back or not
Jean feels bad momentarily for planning to use what Lust told him about the other homunculi against them, but he tells himself that if Lust can be redeemed, then there’s no reason that they need to kill the others either
He doesn’t want to be responsible for killing Lust’s family
Spending so much time with humans, in a human body, and with Jean sharing space in her head, Lust is forced to reevaluate how she views humans
She still thinks they’re foolish and reckless, but she’s begun to admire them. It starts just as admiration for sticking to their principals and willingness to fight to the end if they thought it was worth it (even if she didn’t understand that or agree.)
But as time goes on, she finds it harder to hate them, whereas her entire purpose to being has been to serve Father and help him achieve his master plan, humans don’t have any one singular purpose, they do whatever they want for however they want, and even the ones who are supposed to follow orders, go out of their way not to if circumstances call for it to them
She unintentionally wakes Jean up one night in the middle of the night when she’s having a bit of a crisis when she realizes that helping Father might not be in her best interests
Without thinking she apologizes for waking him (woo more cracks) but he shrugs it off
Jean stays up with her, mostly just listening to her list off all of her thoughts and realizations and whatever else information she deems is relevant
She admits to being conflicted on whether to continue how she’s always gone, helping Father, or to turn around and do “something drastic” that he wouldn’t approve of
Jean’s just like “Listen, do whatever makes you happy, fuck your dad if he has a problem with it, yunno? It’s your life, not his”
Lust doesn’t mention how she’s literally part of Father and in turn doesn’t especially believe in the last bit of Jean’s advice
However the first bit sticks with her, do what makes her happy
A few days after their chat in the middle of the night, Lust tells Jean they need to see Mustang, that specifically she needs to talk to him
Jean’s a little unsure, but he decides to trust her. If he wants to prove to her that humans aren’t all bad and that she’s not all bad, then he needs to trust her
It’s a hassle and a half but eventually they find a chance to meet with Havoc privately, under the guise of making deliveries from his family store
Needless to say, Roy kind of freaks out when he learns that Lust, the homunculus he burned to death with a gash in his side has been living alongside one of his best friends for months
He’s incredibly reluctant to listen to what she says, but complies when Havoc insists he at least try to. It’s not like he has to use the information she gives him after all
Most of what Lust tells him is just the strengths and weaknesses of the other homunculi, which frankly most of that knowledge does little to help him, but it’s good information regardless
She also refuses to go into detail, but she tries to stress to Roy how important it is to stop Father before “the promised day” and how she’s not sure of the details of his plan, but that Roy is an important target and that the entire country is at risk from the plan
Roy takes it all with a grain of salt, but he thanks her for her help anyways, he asks why she’s suddenly “helping” them but she refuses to answer him, dodging the question and claiming that stopping Father helps her just as much as it helps him
Jean thinks he’s being slick and asks Roy to try not to completely up and off the other homunculi, more specifically Gluttony
Roy doesn’t tell him that he has no intention on sparing them if he’s faced against them, he just nods
After everything settles, since Havoc wasn’t in present in the battle itself on the promised day (and because I refuse to kill Lust I’m sorry I just cannot do it I refuse to make an entire AU only to kill her off in the end,) Lust winds up surviving, much to her shock
They go with Alphonse, Zampano, and Jerso to Xing and wherever else they travel to try and find a way to allow Lust to live outside of Havoc and have her own body again finally
For simplicity’s sake, Havoc and Lust finally get a singular name, courtesy of Zampano and Jerso; Larivoc (from Solaris, which is the name Lust was introduced from and has taken to using more than Lust after everything, and Havoc)
Lust admittedly thinks it’s a pointless endeavor, since they’re still 2 different people, but Jean appreciates the effort to give them a name and make it easier on the others
#fullmetal alchemist#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#jean havoc#lust the lascivious#roy mustang#I know I didn't touche a lot on the other relationships involved#BUT LISTEN#there's not A LOT to say past everyone either being like#'bro what the fuck this is weird' and 'bro what the FUCK this is a bad idea'#let me tell you a little story#larivoc
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Cautious Hero: Thoughts on Episode 7
This will be a general reaction to episode 7 and an analysis of the source of Seiya’s caution and the effects of Rista’s position as goddess. This episode finally gave us some insight on Seiya’s caution, which leads me to think he really is a caring person deep down. We also saw Rista get some criticism for her actions from a human’s point of view.
I was actually a little shocked by how bloody it was when they showed the soldiers getting murdered by the demon fly people. It kind of made me realize, even though I already knew, that this show could be serious when it wants to. This time’s essay is about episode 7. And oh boy, did they drop some bombs on us.
And all of them were in a single scene. Namely, the strategy meeting Seiya and the others had with Rosalie and the soldiers. Let’s get right to it.
Seiya Chooses His Words Carefully
First off, in typical Seiya fashion, he announced that they won’t be attacking the demon flies yet. He’ll be leaving to the Divine Realm to train. Here’s his next interaction with Rosalie on that:
Rosalie: You’re planning to just abandon us?!
Seiya: I’m just leaving. Definitely leaving.
So, he didn’t confirm her accusation. He never said that he was abandoning them. All he said was that he wanted to go back to the Divine Realm to train so he’d be ready to fight the flies, because “at the moment, [they] have no chance of winning.”
Rista: The Support Goddess
The next problem came up when Seiya said he had observed the fight earlier, so he didn’t need a strategy meeting. Rosalie, rightfully, I’d say, was quite angry that he, the hero, had watched and done nothing as hundreds died.
As I said in my last post about episodes 1-6, Rista and Seiya are growing closer and starting to understand and influence each other. So Rista comes in here to defend him:
Rista: No, it’s not like that! We wanted to help, but at the time, it was already too late.
Rosalie: It’s not about being in time or too late, helping or not helping! I’m asking if the hero saw what happened and did nothing about it!
The Reason for Seiya’s Caution
And now here’s where Seiya’s response gets interesting.
Seiya: You ask the strangest questions. In cases where nothing you do will help, nothing can be done.
Rosalie: My men were killed by demons! As a hero, doesn’t that affect you?
Seiya: What good will being affected do?
During this above exchange, we only see the back of his shoulder. Seiya says the following. We finally see his face, and it’s this one:
“Times like those are precisely when you remain calm and act with caution."
We’ve seen him in situations where lives are on the line before. He’s the only one capable of saving them. It’s a lot of pressure, and up until episode six, Rista had always tried to convince him to go sooner, to go fight right now, lives are in danger right now. He always responded calmly and always insisted that he train and prepare properly. Remember when Rista accused him of just being afraid, and he didn’t answer her?
Last time, I had guessed that his caution stemmed from some kind of fear. What kind exactly, I don’t know yet, but we finally get a hint of it in this scene.
Rosalie says, “This man is no hero! He’s nothing but a coward!”
Pretty similar to what Rista was saying in episode 2, as seen above. But here’s what she says this time:
“Rosalie, Seiya’s prudence has gotten us through all sorts of predicaments. When this hero is completely ready is when the Demon Lord’s aerial forces led by Beel Bub will be exterminated. So could I please ask you to wait one hour until his training is finished?”
Just as Rista’s meme-worthy faces are expressive, the ones she makes in what I shall hereby dub “compassion mode” are just as expressive and shouldn’t be ignored, as I think they are one of the windows to the soul of her character.
In response to Rista, Rosalie says, “How can I believe you?” Cue Rista’s exasperated face as she calls her stubborn, but then Rosalie reminds her that a hundred of her soldiers were killed. Rista immediately snaps back into compassion mode, struck.
These were human lives gone, and Rista couldn’t have done anything about it. She is after all, a support goddess, and can’t fight on her own. She says that all the time. So of course she can’t ask Rosalie to wait, to sit back and do nothing, because Rista herself knows the frustration of being helpless.
And I know, even if we don’t have specific stories straight from his mouth yet, Seiya knows it too. All too well. But wait. He won’t say anything yet, and Rosalie’s not done with Rista yet either.
The Wall Between Rista and Humans
Rosalie: “Do you know how that feels?”
Rista: “O-of course. It is a terribly tragic thing to go through.
Rosalie: “There’s no way a being who transcends mortality can understand the preciousness of life. Goddesses can’t die; you live forever, don’t you?
Rista: “W-well, that is true…”
Rosalie: “So don’t speak of the finite if you’re infinite!”
And Rista backs down, shuts down, defeated because it’s true, she can’t die. Remember, my opinion on Rista is that she’s not all that confident in herself. She’s not a “full-fledged goddess” yet, she’s a child compared to everyone she knows. But she’s a healing goddess, and has a soft spot for humans, who are weak and mortal, who get hurt easily and need the power of a goddess like her. With humans who worship her, she feels capable. She feels reliable. She feels like she can actually do something worthwhile.
But here’s this human saying that Rista can never be one of them, that she can never truly understand them because they are so fundamentally different. It will never happen.
Compassionate Rista who’s shown a lot of care and concern towards humans, who can’t stand it when humans die and she can’t help, was told that she could never understand how precious life is.
But Rista, because she’s compassionate and wants to understand, can’t argue back. Rosalie’s right, she can’t die. Anything she says will just make it worse. So she just… stops.
But now Seiya comes in. He won’t let Rosalie off easy. Maybe he was supporting Rista, backing her up. Maybe he was just mad at Rosalie, and couldn’t let it go. Or maybe it was both. But either way, he steps in and says this to Rosalie:
“You’re the one who’s not fit to talk about human life.”
“Your soldiers didn’t just get killed. You killed them. It’s your lack of strategy that piled up those corpses.”
Hilarity and chaos ensue as Seiya slaps Rosalie until she gets chipmunk cheeks when she attacks him after that accusation. But listen. I didn’t add the emphasis above. Seiya is absolutely blaming her, 100%. He’s not holding back in the slightest — he never has, but this time, he’s especially harsh.
Here’s what he’s saying. It’s not that they got killed by the demon flies. No. She sent them out to fight in a blind, unplanned charge. That’s what killed them. They didn’t get killed, as if by accident or by some outside force. She was responsible for them, she gave the order, and so every single death is because of her.
So why did Seiya do all this? Remember what he said.
“Times like those are precisely when you remain calm and act with caution.”
Now think, with every situation before this episode, when people had either died or were about to die, and it was up to Seiya to save them — this was what was going through his head. He’s the summoned hero, the one everyone will look to for saving. Maybe he is scared. Maybe he is frustrated with waiting and watching. But if he panics now, if he rushes in to save them with no plan, he’d just be killing himself. And then he wouldn’t be able to save anyone.
He’s not cautious because he’s scared of dying. His first and foremost thought is that if he’s careless, it will affect others. If he dies, other people will die too. And that’s not even the worst part. They’ll die, and it’ll be his fault.
He can’t let that happen. That’s the source of his caution. So no, he won’t let Rosalie accuse Rista of not knowing the value of life, when Rista was the one who has been consistently and frequently pushing him to hurry and save people. No, he won’t let Rosalie call him a coward either.
Earlier he said, “In cases where nothing you do will help, nothing can be done.” As if he’d given up. But then he says, “What good will being affected do?” Even if nothing can be done now, he hasn’t given up. But panicking isn’t the answer. Acting with caution is.
He proceeds carefully and actually saves lives. He gets results, and there’s no way he was going to let this princess daughter of a warrior blame him or Rista for her own mistake.
So what have we learned from this episode, this scene?
Seiya and Rista are still supporting each other, more obviously than ever, backing the other up because they understand the reasoning behind the other’s actions. Rista finally gets some criticism from humans, despite her genuine wish to help them. It’s never really brought up again this episode, but I do hope it’s addressed again.
She’s a healing goddess, so there’s a lot she can’t do offensively. But on top of that, just by being a goddess by itself, makes her different from humans. Even though she already feels plenty different enough from the gods. So where does she belong now? Hopefully that’s something that’s explored more later.
Seiya finally reveals the reasoning behind his caution. And surprisingly, it’s somehow compassionate and selfish at the same time. He doesn’t want others to die because he would blame himself for their deaths, as he is the hero. But more than that, he doesn’t want to have to shoulder that blame, and he’d rather wait and be sure he actually can save people. Because he knows, and he believes Rista knows too, the preciousness of life.
He’s solid and steadfast in his convictions when standing up against people, and it’s something Rista could learn from. And I truly believe she is, hence why she stood up to Leviae in episode 6, or why she supports him against Rosalie here. She trusts him now, just as he showed last episode that he trusts her. That’s why she says his prudence has saved them multiple times before. She not questioning him or arguing with him anymore. There’s faith here, now.
So this is long, but in conclusion, it seems like this anime is still giving some focus to Rista and Seiya’s relationship and interactions, and I think it can be something precious if they continue to do so until the end.
Like last time, reply/reblog/etc if you agree, disagree, or have something to add; I’d love to hear other thoughts
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I’ve Been Missing You, Lately: Part 4
Part 1/Part 2/Part 3
Shout out to @kkruml for who she is and all she does. Go find yourselves one of these kinds of people.
I walked out of the bar, wrapping my arms around my waist, a shield for whatever pieces of my heart I had left.
As I stepped fully outside with the door closed behind me, I found his blue eyes piercing into mine. Whisky meeting blue – just like they had on that dreaded day when we said our goodbyes.
I could hear his tone of voice in the background—but my mouth rattled the words quicker than I had intended. I didn’t mean the words— no – not with any fiber in my being, yet I had said them.
“I’m in love with another man, Jamie.” I heard the hollowness in my voice as I spoke. The empty pit I had become as a person the last 2 years flashed right in front of me.
I watched the corners of his mouth form a small smile as he spoke. “No yer not.”
Bloody Scot, could always read me like a book.
“How in the BLOODY hell do you know that?” I yelled at him as I took a step closer towards him.
“No yer not. Ye hopped on a plane, didna pack, ‘cause ye are still in yer scrubs.” Jamie started as he took a small step forward—closing the proximity between us —“I ken because you are here, Sassenach.”
I stopped and put my hand up, not allowing him to come any closer and took a deep breath.
“You look horrible. Like you’ve been run over by a locomotive.”
That got me a small Scottish grunt and a humorless laugh as he ran his fingers through his hair.
“After ye ran out on me this morning, I needed to talk to someone who… Would understand. So, I thought of Jenny, naturally. Her and Ian and the bairns are out in Glasgow, visiting Ian’s parents. Ye dinna even let me explain…”
“Well, there wasn’t much to say, you had another woman in your bed.”
“Ye didna stay to let me give ye the story.”
“Mmm.” I humphed at him as I raised an eyebrow at him.
“It has only ever been you, surely ye ken that.”
“You LEFT.” I screamed as I clenched my fists by my sides. “No letters, no phone calls, nothing. For two bloody fucking years.”
I watched as he crossed his arms, tilting his head to the side, urging me to continue.
“I went to Lallybroch, to say my own goodbyes. About three months after you had left, and right before I moved to Boston. They were like family to me, you know!”
I watched his eyes soften as I spoke of our farewell—of his family who had also become my family—the memories that haunted our past coming back to our present.
“She said you had written her, and you had told her that I should move on, not wait for you, that you didn’t have the heart to tell me yourself….. And I did that. I moved on because you didn’t have the guts to tell me yourself!” my voice cracked as I struggled to keep it from shaking— I could feel my face was red – probably the reddest it had ever been. I was borderline in full-fledged panic mode. I had never gone off on anyone like this. Jamie’s face was flat – he didn’t even know how to respond.
“I didna do—“
“I AM NOT FINISHED YET!” I interjected at a high-pitched noise. “And I wrote you, EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR. And not a WORD back, James Fraser.”
“Sassen—“
“DON’T CALL ME THAT.”
He stopped and I could see his cheeks blush a faint shade of red as he bit his tongue.
“You don’t get to call me that, you don’t get to do anything because YOU stopped caring. YOU stopped loving me!” I finished with the last bit of energy I had—barely audible, as the tears started to flow down my cheeks. Now, I was hysterical.
“NO.” I heard him hiss at me as he took a step closer to me. Now our noses were merely inches apart and I could feel his breath warm on my lips. “NO.”
I stood a bit straighter, squaring my shoulders. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my pulse strong in my ears, my breathing extremely shallow. He wanted to get a reaction out of me, and it was working.
“YOU’RE TEARING MY GUTS OUT, CLAIRE. DO YE REALLY NO’ SEE IT?”
I closed my eyes, as the sobs started to come over me. He placed his hands on my shoulders and I could feel his grip tighten.
“Do ye know what I dreamed about, every day in that damn desert?”
I shook my head sheepishly at him, not opening my eyes.
“Of you, Sassenach. Yer hair in that god’s awful bird’s nest when ye first wake up in the morning, how ye dinna like peppermint toothpaste so ye always taste like spearmint when ye used to kiss me goodbye in the mornings.”
I didn’t open my eyes, but my ears caught the crack in inflection, an intimacy his tone as he recalled the mornings we used to spend together.
“How ye like yer coffee black and yer breakfast tea with a dash of cinnamon, and ye smell of lemons when I used to bring ye lunches at the hospital because of the hand sanitizer ye keep in yer pocket. I used to dream ye were lying next to me on that cot, that I’d wait up and smell your curls that smelled like lavender and honey.”
“Jamie… You have to st—“
“NO. I dinna have to stop! I DIDNA ken ye wrote me…. I never got a thing. And if ye werena so GODDAMN STUBBORN, YE WOULD HAVE LET ME FINISH MY STORY.”
I felt my shield crack at his words. He had never gotten my letters? Had he spent all this time as hurt and confused as I had been? What did this mean?
Could I open this door again? No – that was the past, and I could not handle being hurt again. Not by Jamie – I had barely survived the first time.
To love him – and then lose him again—it would end me.
“There is nothing left to tell…”
“DAMMIT SASSENACH!” He grunted as he shook me, almost violently. I opened my eyes and looked up to his to realize I had never seen this look on his face, I didn’t know how to respond. His eyes were glossy—a film of tears on the brink of falling. I could see the heartbreak written on his face as clear as day.
I thought my heart had hurt – but by the pain escaping the lines of his face, he had had the worst end of the bargain.
“Jenny admitted to me she told ye to move on. She was angry at me for leaving for another tour, when I dinna need to. She was angry at you too, for leaving for Boston. She was just angry at the fact we both left her… She was angry because she lost us both at the same time…”
“My let—lette—letters?” I managed to croak, almost incoherently, but I got the words out.
“Shortly after I was deployed, we were on a mission somewhere in the Hindu Kush mountains – my unit, we were bombarded. 4 of my men died from an IED, 2 from bullet wounds to the skull. I was the only survivor, kept a prisoner of war for 10 months.”
“Oh my god.” Another crack in the remaining pieces of whatever shield I had left. I was timid at first, as I slumped my shoulder, the anger slowly dissipating from me as my healing instincts wanted to kick in – and I placed my hand over his heart.
“Shh. Let me finish, Sassenach.” He said as he hushed me, his grasp loosening on me and his tone of voice lowering. I looked away, in fear of where I had a feeling the conversation was headed. I knew too well the hardships of war, I had seen the battered US soldiers back in Boston.
“It was Dougal, my uncle, ye remember? Well… I, was tortured, many a time. For information, that I wouldna give them. Dougal and his team, rescued me, and I had a verra long road to recovery. Dougal kept the letters, didna let anyone save for him and the doctors, talk to me, or know what had happened… My status of recovery.”
I held my breath as I directed my glance towards his once more. Those sea blue eyes- I had known like the back of my hand and dreamed of every night since he had departed from me – were now overcome by of a cloud of grey as he relived the hell. Of things I could not even fathom or pretend to comprehend.
I could taste the salt from my tears on the corner of my mouth. I let out my breath, and I said his name. “Jamie.”
“Ye see, Sassenach. I didna forget ye, I couldna forget ye for a second while I was gone. The only reason I survived, was because of YOU, Claire.”
“I should have been told! I would have been there for you.” I grunted as I grabbed his biceps. I could feel my finger nails leaving marks, even through the layers of his jacket.
“National Security, ye ken?”
“I fucking ken alright! But Jamie, it was over before you left….We said goodbye….”
“NO.” He said with a firm tone. “We said goodbye, but it WASNA over. It wasna over then, and it still isna over.”
I couldn’t reply—his mouth claimed mine and for the first time in two years, I could breathe again.
#outlander#jamie x claire#outlander fan fiction#ol ff#jamie fraser#claire beauchamp#myfic!#I've been missing you lately fic#HERE YOU ALL GO#I HOPE THE ANGST WAS WORTH THE WAIT#I'm SO SORRY IF IT's SHITE#IT STILL DOESN't SOUND RIGHT BUT I CAN'T FIX IT ANYMORE#tat is a wino for the weekend#craigh na queue
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Silkster | A Spider Story (02)
Wordcount: 2,252
Summary: “In September 2018, NYC, college student Jonas Jaeger reels from his first experience with Spider-Man - only to realize his night with the spider is not yet over.”
Warnings: Very minor mention of blood and hinting to a character that passed away.
Author’s Notes: Like I said before, this started as a graphic design exercise for my MCU OC, Silkster. Eventually, it snowballed into a full-fledged-fic. This is just for fun and stuff like this always gets my creative juices flowing. Hopefully, you guys enjoy reading and maybe I can share more of this story (and maybe art?) as it develops. Welcome to part 2. ♡
『 02 』
I continued to run as fast as I could - far after the bridge had ended. The brisk September air of New York City dried out my throat from running so long; eventually, I had to stop to give my lungs a break. I must've run a full extra block before realizing I could no longer see Spider-Man or the thug he was now apprehending. I couldn't hear any signs of a struggle or anything of the sort. In fact, the city was quiet. I was left with only the sounds of crickets, light traffic, and the whistle of a soft wind tunneling from the bridge's north side.
I felt as my wrist throbbed. As I looked down, I saw the rough and slightly bloody scrape made when the chain got tugged from my arm. It was a small injury but in a very inconvenient spot. No matter what I did, every movement I made with my hand caused an ache. I tried my best to wipe the small amount of blood there was out of the way to get a better look at the damage. I remember wincing as I attempted putting pressure on the cut. I didn't even notice the figure above. Without warning, a massive thud came from behind me.
"That looks like it hurts," I heard through a muffled voice.
Without thinking, I spun around - swinging as hard as I could. I wasn't going to be a victim of this mugger again. Because, it is my luck, it wasn't the mugger. With one solid punch, I made contact with a familiar red mask. It didn't take long for the realization to hit me. I just fucking punched Spider-Man.
"Ow! Holy shi--" The masked vigilante yelled. He was silenced soon enough by my ever-growing panic as I reached for the spot I targeted.
"Spider-Man!" I shouted, "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I swear! I thought--" I remember my words just becoming one long jumbled mess as I tried to force out an apology as quickly as humanly possible. Somehow, saying it faster made it not as bad. I know, that sounds stupid. But, much to my surprise, my rambling was greeted by an overwhelming laugh coming from behind the mask.
"Hahaha! Don't worry about it! I shouldn't have snuck up on you." he said as he rubbed his cheek. Soon enough, his laughter began to calm.
"Still... I'm sorry." I didn't know if I should smile or not. Was it rude to act relaxed after punching someone? Spider-Man seemed pretty calm, so maybe I should follow suit.
"What's your name?" he asked me.
"Jonas, uh... sir." I looked at my feet, unsure of how to adequately address my protector. Was it like talking to a police officer? I figured I should be as polite as possible; That way I would avoid any chance at offending him.
"Sir?! What happened to just Spider-Man?" The vigilante chuckled as he gave his (probably now sore) face one more rub for good measure.
"Sorry." I apologized again, "It's just I've never met a hero up close and personal before." I felt embarrassed when I said those words for some reason. Calling him a hero to his face sounded weird. I felt my face flush. I think he noticed how uncomfortable I was.
"Well, Jonas..." Spider-Man said my name, stepping forward, "...that's a mighty strong swing you got there."
It was strange, I thought. People usually picture superheroes as insanely ripped and intimidating. They were essentially gods amongst men. But Spider-Man didn't fit that image, per-say. He was just about as tall as me and couldn't possibly be that much older. This revelation of mine didn't stop the nervousness in my voice from coming out.
"Haha... R-really? You think so?" I stuttered.
"Yeah!" he raised his fists in a confident stance, "I bet you could've taken that guy yourself if I didn't show up."
"Please... I was a wreck." I retreated, my eyes rolling into my head at the compliment that couldn't possibly be true, "I wouldn't have been able to do anything. I was pathetic." my voice faded into my natural shyness once more. Spider-Man stepped forward again, filling the space between us.
"Scared maybe. But not pathetic." He placed a firm hand on my shoulder, "And there's nothing wrong with being scared."
"You're not scared of anything. You're a superhero. You're Spider-Man." I argued. Don't ask me why. I think it was my nerves. When a superhero compliments you - take the damn compliment.
"Just because I'm Spider-Man doesn't mean I don't get scared. I was terrified when I saw that guy pushing you over the bridge." His voice changed a bit. He sounded concerned. I felt his hand tighten ever so slightly.
"You were...?"
"Uh, Y-Yeah I was." Now he was the one that sounded nervous. I felt his warm hand leave my shoulder, but he continued, "Scared... I wouldn't make it in time. Scared that I might've made things worse. Scared of the unthinkable." He paused. I couldn't see his eyes behind the mask, but I could tell he was looking right at mine, "But ultimately, I was scared of what might've happened if I didn't do anything at all."
The wind whistled once more. I didn't know what to say to that. What could I have said to that? In the end, a barely audible "Wow..." was all I could muster up.
"W-what? Did that sound stupid? Too cliche?" he began to fidget as he looked away. Was he embarrassed? The whole situation was so strange to me. Seeing the action shots of Spider-Man on the news was so much more different from actually seeing and speaking to him. He didn't seem like an authority figure or soldier. He wasn't super smooth or commanding. He was just... friendly. Were all heroes like this? It was actually kind of refreshing. Underneath that red leotard, this guy was supercharged - but still a sweet, funny, and regular guy. It's makes so much sense when you stop and think about it, but at that moment in time, the idea was so far from what I thought I knew about superheroes. I didn't see the people, I just saw the names and the masks.
I was silent for too long. I let out a laugh, "Haha, no. Not at all. It's just you never hear heroes admit to being scared."
"Oh..." I could hear a tinge of disappointment in his voice.
"It's a nice change of pace." I smiled
"O-oh!" He perked up, "Well, I'm glad!" Despite not being able to see his expression, I could tell he was smiling back at me.
Once again there was silence. Only the soothing sounds of the city around us. Spider-Man looked down at my scraped wrist.
"Uh... Hey! Let me take a look at that cut." He held his gloved hand out to me.
"It's not that bad." I tried to hide my arm behind my back. I didn't want to take up any more of his valuable time.
He persisted, "Give it here."
I complied. He trailed fingers across the cut. He was so gentle, I barely felt a thing. Granted, I was a little preoccupied tried to decern what was going on inside that concealed head of his.
"Might want to give it a proper cleaning, but you'll be alright." He lightly cupped his hand to my wrist, covering the wound.
"Thank you." I nodded, thinking he'd let go. He didn't.
"Does it hurt at all?"
"Not so much anymore. I really felt it when my--" I finally noticed the faint tan line on my arm was now exposed, "My bracelet!" I felt a sinking dread overcome me when I saw the empty space where my bracelet once was. I didn't want to let Spider-Man see, he saved my life after all. I was incredibly grateful. But still...
"Your brace--?" He began. Suddenly, he reached for his belt, "Oh! This?."
There it was, glimmering in his hand off the New York City street lights. I could barely contain my excitement, "You got it back?! Oh--" I began to stutter. I calmed myself and placed my hand on the bracelet, "Thank you, Spider-Man. You don't know how much this means to me.”
"Oh..." I could just make out what he said as I slid the bracelet out of his hand - in two pieces, "It's broken. I-I'm sorry." He was upset. I could hear it.
"It's alright." I clutched the bracelet to my chest. I smiled back at him once more, "I'd rather have it back broken then not have it back at all."
"That important, eh?" he inquired.
"Yeah," I said shortly, I didn't want to overshare. Heroes probably don't want to hear sob stories, I thought. "It's a long story."
"I've got nowhere to be."
I guess I was wrong, "Well..." I began, "It was a gift from someone important to me who's not around anymore."
"Who?" He asked. I must've unknowingly gave him a funny look, because he immediately tried to back-peddle, "I... I'm sorry, that's none of my business." I could tell he was trying to be compassionate, the least I could do was reciprocate.
So I told him, "An old boyfriend."
"Oh." I could tell he didn't know whether or not to continue to discuss the matter, but I guess he inevitably decided to proceed, "And are you two still...?"
"No, he... he passed away last year." I might as well tell the truth, I thought. We've gotten this far.
"Oh, I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry." I think it finally hit him that maybe this topic was a little too deep for a post-rescue conversation. He was sweet, and he was trying. How could I be upset about that?
"Don't worry about it," I tried to change the subject, "Thank you for saving my life... and bringing this back to me."
He perked up once again, I wasn't sure why. "Hey... can I take a closer look at your bracelet?" he said with his gloved hand outstretched once more.
"Oh, sure." I allowed, placing the damaged chain in his palm.
"Hold out your arm."
"O...kay?" I was confused, but I did as he asked, "But what are you--?"
He wrapped the two chains around my arm, holding them in place. With his other hand, he aimed precariously over my wrist. Suddenly, a small web shot out of the mechanism from his suit. The web was so little. It looked like that of a real spider - maybe even tinier. It slid around the broken piece of gold chain and connected the two halves. A second web shot out, joining the other side. It wasn't perfect by any means, but my bracelet was once again resting firmly where its been for the past year.
"This should at least hold it together again," he said as he ran his fingers across the newest addition to the chain.
"You...! How did you...?" I couldn't find the words.
"Uh... it's the web slingers." He answered the question I already knew the answer to.
"You... you really fixed it."
"So it's okay?"
"Okay? Are you kidding?" I was so happy to know that this silly piece of jewelry was still in my life, "It's more than okay. It's..." I looked at him. There it was again, I could tell he was making the most focused eye contact, waiting for validation, "...incredible." He sighed with relief. I stepped forward.
"Thank you, Spider-Man." I took his hand in mine, "This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."
"N-no problem," His own grip tightened, "I'm just glad I could help."
We stood like that for what seemed like hours, but I'm sure it was just a few fleeting seconds. It was the howl from the wind billowing across the bridge that snapped me out of the moment.
"I... should be getting home," I said as I let go.
"You gonna be okay?”
"Yeah. I'm gonna wait at that restaurant over there," I pointed at the small diner that sat at the end of the street, "I'll call my friend to see if they can pick me up."
"You sure? I can take you home if you'd like," he said, pointing to the sky. God, I wanted to say yes more than anything. But I felt bad. It felt like I was misusing the police force or fire department. He has places to be.
"Yeah," I said softly, "I've taken up enough of your time. Besides, you've got a city to take care of."
"Haha... yeah." he chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck, "Be safe out there, okay?"
"You too. Thank you, again." I wanted him to stay.
"It's all in the job." and just like that, he was gone.
There was silence once again. I was alone, but I didn't feel it. Part of me thought that he was still there, secretly watching me from the darkness above. It might've just been wishful thinking on my part, but it made me feel better. I pulled my phone from my pocket (whoops, I guess I was holding out on that mugger...) as I made my way to the diner. I had my signal back so I could've called an Uber, but I hoped Peter would be able to borrow his Aunt May's truck. I had a story I just couldn't wait to tell him.
『 Previous | Part 01 』
『 Next | Part 03 』
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