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thequietmanno1 · 7 months

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Thelreads, MHA 281, Replies Part 1

1) “Alright, now that I finally regained control over my mortal form, it is time to continue where we left- which was… Ah, right, Machia was about to kill everyone around him, and then we cut to Shigaraki about to drop the most devastating burn that Endeavor ever got. Yeah, I remember now, so, let us jump in on Chapter 281: Plus Ultra

Oh this title does not bode well for some reason…”- Befitting his status as an evil counterpart to Izuku and a hero to the villains he leads, it’s Tomura that starts going beyond his limits and kicking everybody’s shit in, just when it looks like the tables are turning agaisnt him. He’s alone, outnumbered, and handicapped…and all that does is make him even more determined to win, no matter the abuse he puts himself through physically.

2) “And okay Shigaraki, I know you got hurt, that I have no way or want to deny, but… Your father was not a hero, and your grandma had two choices, either abandon him and allow him to live or let him stay and die with her, I suppose you know that AfO killed all the other holders of OfA, right? or that your grandma was one of them? You do know that, right? right?

3) "And, well, what other heroes have you know are hurting their families (again, Endeavor does not count) unless you’re equating endangering and dying in the line of fire as hurting their families, in which case… Well, I mean, you are part of the problem.”- Tomura very much still doesn’t know about OFA, AFO and their connection…and he even more emphatically doesn’t give a shit about it. Yeah, he has the counterpart to Izuku’s Quirk, on a greater level of strength than he can wield himself, and he’s basically destined/being compelled to target him, but that’s all a side-issue to Tomura. What Really matters to him, is none of the history stuff that’s gone into this combat been the good and evil Quirk users of the past generation, it’s his own suffering and torment that drives him onwards, to avenge himself on those who slighted him and abandoned him and refuse to comprehend him.

At the same time, this counter-intuitively makes the current generation of heroes even more unlikely to understand him, but Tomura’s fine with that. As he is now, he doesn’t see anybody being capable of offering a saving hand to him, doesn’t think that’s a possibility in this world even if he emotionally wants one, and because he’s being disappointed by that, he’s lashing out and hurting others. It’s a self-destructive spiral of emotions and pain and just extending all that torment to others so he can make himself feel even slightly better about his suffering, and yes, it makes him part of the problem, but as much as he recognises it, he doesn’t care anymore. Tomura and the league are a fascinating middle ground between heroes and truly hateable villains like AFO, occupying a space where they could be better, if they had the right set of circumstances, but with everything they’ve learned in their lives, they’ve come to the conclusion that nothing will ever get better for them, so there’s no point in trying to be better, which is what tips them towards ‘villains who need to be stopped’ rather than ‘saved’.

They’re being selfish and focused on their own wants, despite their sympathetic qualities, which contrasts with heroes who try to be ‘selfless’ in the line of duty, but yet ironically, Tomura’s situation was in fact created by Nana’s own attempt to be selfless, putting her son in care so she could try and stop AFO and protect others from him, only for him to then go out of his way to utterly trample all over her efforts in the aftermath.

4) “No time to philosophy, there’s muscles to flex.”- Tomura’s flexing his debating muscles so much, his body’s starting to crack like a jigsaw puzzle…or a chrysalis, with the power he contains starts to reach the limit of his mortal ‘shell’.

5) “Alright Aizawa, do tell me, your quirk requires constant line of sight or not? Because if it doesn’t then why the fuck you’re here for, just to die a senseless death? You damn heroes hurting your families, you have a daughter back home waiting for you!”- Aizawa’s Quirk just requires him to make eye contact once and then not blink, but I think it has increased effect if he’s looking directly at the target for an extended period. At the same time, his broken leg from the high-end grabbing it is preventing him from being easily able to run away…and the need to carefully regulate his eyes being moisturised in case he blinks whilst running or such means Rock Lock and Manuel can’t make fast progress escaping, especially since Tomura has insane jumps and can easily catch up. 6) “Alright, let the speech roll, I want to see the point you want to get to, and I hope it is a good one, I don’t want to lump you with the villains who make no sense.”- It’s a simple one, but that also makes it impossible for others to understand him, which in turn becomes his point. He hates the world because it never helped him, so he wants all the power he can get to tear it down in revenge. Despite that, part of him is still frozen in that moment, awaiting help, but because no hero exists who can see past the monster he’s become, he won’t get that desire satisfied, and the disappointment, loss and loneliness he feels keenly because of that further enforces his desire to tear it all down. And even when he says this outright to the heroes, that he wants to tear down society because of its flaws, the lack of context and everything that’s gone on in his past means they don’t understand where he;s coming from – which again, Tomura’s come to the conclusion that they’ll never understand him, so he’ll just keep destroying thigns to make himself feel better, having his negative actions rebound on his innermost wishes and in turn redoubling his self-destructive efforts because they’re inherently incompatible.

He’s literally targeting one of the most empathetic heroes out there, but because he’s turned into a ranging monster from all his power and the hatred that courses through him, Izuku doesn’t get what drives him, just seeing a demon that tears through those he cares about to get to him, and when he’s done with him, will turn his carnage on everybody else 7) “Ah, alright, now with that I can see where you’re trying to get to, but unfortunately that first part about families was a bit unsubstantiated. Yeah, heroes are merely a facade, there are people hurting and suffering, but they pretend that everything is okay to keep the appearances of a just society, alright Shigaraki keep the words coming”- Tomura’s drawing from his own experiences to bring up the point about families, but the truth of his words in applicable in other circumstances as well. We know there are heroes out there with selfish motivations and don’t quite measure up to Izuku and All Might’s example, and the fact that these issues aren’t widely known about and discussed, with everybody only seeing the good in society, because of censorship that enforces the narrative of ‘heroes good, villains evil’ – that’s what Drives Tomura and the other villains, with their own disparite histories having some kind of common ground in this same fact – that nobody wonts to admit that the world isn’t perfect and ignores those whose existence proves it. 8) “And that was exactly the moment I was thinking about, the day his trust in heroes was completely shattered.

Well, gonna be honest, that was more of a society™ fault rather than a hero not wanting to help him. The people got too complacent, thinking that they have no civil obligations because “some hero is gonna help” and shrug because it’s not their problem

Society failed Shigaraki, but of course, he sees Heroes as merely another part of this problem.”- At this point, his power is merely to make sure no heroes will stand in his way. Heroes are the weapon of he society that hides behind them whilst rejecting Tomura, and so, Tomura needs to be strong enough to tear through all of them in order to get his desire to destroy sated. In a way, it almost verges around to ‘nothing personal’ with him – his hatred is for the people hiding behind the heroes, whilst they’re fighting him and putting their lives on the line, which he seems to somewhat respect, at least in Aizawa’s case 9) “YEAH YOU, YOU BITCH, YOU ARE THE ONE AT FAULT HERE. YOU MONSTER, YOU ABSOLUTE MONSTER, YOU LET THAT CLEARLY TRAUMATIZED AND HURT KID ALONE

Although we can’t deny that everyone on that street is at fault. Apathy to others is the real villain of the story.”- I’ve heard it said that Apathy is the opposite to Love, not hate, because hate is still focusing on somebody with an intense emotion, whereas Apathy is complete and utter rejection, which is what isolated Tenko in the first place and left him vulnerable to AFO. 10) “Again, Society™ is the real villain all along

And I’m not even being facetious, this whole thing, I already mentioned a lot of time, does not work. Quirks are part of people, there should be a balance to be reached rather than suppress everyone and only let a small group use them freely”- The thing is, it’s Too Late. If the issue had been addressed sooner, then maybe next-generation heroes like Izuku could have made steps when they undertook their hero careers to reach out- we’ve already seen examples of this in Gentle. But AFO’s plans allowed Tomura to reach a level of strength to start a war on society before he could see that it was possible for people out there to still save his soul and empathise with his pain…and now, the pandora’s box is opened, there’s no going back, and all the pain and bloodshed spilt on this battlefield will only deepen the divide as the fighting eslcates… 11) “I wouldn’t say “corrupt” there, but it is a rather vicious cycle.

Again, apathy and extremes restrictions created this society, and people only perpetuate it rather than trying to fix it. And the ones that supposedly had intentions to break this system have not the best of intentions, re-destro does not want to free people out of goodness, he just wants to be the one on top instead.”- In a warped sense, getting confronted with this viewpoint is a good thing for Izuku. Tomura is an ideological counter to the perception that ‘heroes make everything better’ that kids are being raised with nowadays, so by appearing before him when he’s still forming his ideas about what kind of hero he wants to be, Tomura acts as Izuku’s biggest opponent in an emotional/idealogical standpoint, rather than a physical one. Their fight is not really about who hits harder, it’s about who’s right, who’s wrong, and what parts of their philosophies deserve to win in the end. 12) “That I can’t deny

But I still don’t rule out this being all due to AfO, all the pieces being placed there to fall the way he wished.”- The absolute lack of AFO’s presence in the backstory, despite the hints that he could be manipulating this, give it a further interesting dimension to Tomura’s motivations. Because, rather than AFO being the source of all his problems, the fact that it’s something as insubstantial as society itself, rather than an individual, broadens the scope of his motivations, pushes him to go further beyond just one person to hate, make him become someone, something, powerful to destroy it all. Even if it does get revealed that it was AFO all along, Tomura no longer really cares. To him, the motivation that drives him still exists regardless of that fact, and by holding onto it, he actually becomes his own villain, rather than ‘another holder of AFO’ to oppose Izuku. In a way, Tomura has developed into a villain in his own right, who wants to fight Izuku and the rest of the heroes for himself, not AFO, with the whole OFA/AFO conflict being an unnecessary hang-on to this fight, even a detriment, thanks to his master starting to worm his way into his head. 13) “Welp Shigaraki, I’m sorry to say, but although you are a villain, you were also a pawn, guided to this conclusion by someone that is truly and undoubtedly a villain.

There is a lot for you to respond for, but the real reasons you are who you are right now has less to do with society and more with a mastermind using you to further his own plans.”- And yet, despite this possible outcome, it doesn’t detract from the fact that Tomura’s still dangerous, more so now than even AFO himself, and a villain who needs to be stopped regardless of the part he plays in the mastermind’s grand design. Their separation has turned Tomura from AFO’s follower into somebody who stands separate from him, on perhaps even an equal level to him now with the immense power and conviction he wields.

The image of him here, mirroring his younger self, highlights this, a monster on a first look, but a crying child pleading for aid with a second introspective one. A monster, and a victim in one, a saviour to the villains, and an unstoppable destroyer for the heroes. Holy, and unholy in one. He’s stepped out from his master’s shadow, such that AFO’s threat now comes from him working inside Tomura’s mind to overtake his immense power, rather than being a direct threat to Izuku. 14) “Dammit Shigaraki, you started monologing and let him recover. Well done you idiot, at least make sure to kill him before you start the next speech.”- I mean, it also let Tomura’s battered body get a few seconds breather as well, especially since he’s starting to hit his own physical limits with the healing turned off. 15) “Well Endeavor, you see, he has those things called “muscles”, it is all the rage nowadays, all the cool villains have them”- Muscles, backed by pushups, situps, and plenty of milk. Tomura went ultra-jacked, so he can tear through anything. Actually, Izuku should really double-down on his own workout, assuming he survives this.

16) “Yeah, one might say he’s going plus ultra right now

Honestly, I don’t remember the last time we actually saw someone saying that in this series. It was so prevalent back at the first few arcs, it’s like not even the characters believe it anymore.”- This war is basically the villains all going plus ultra, getting their turn to tear down the heroes and never stopping, best symbolised by how Tomura’s not even defending himself anymore, he’s just taking the hits and striking back in the same instant like a rabid animal, focused only on killing, not on self-preservation. A destroyer, reduced to using just his bare hands to fight with, but still, the instinct to attack is over-powering anything the heroes hit him with.

17) “ OH WOW OKAY OUCH THAT FUCKING HUTR JESUS CHRIST SHIGARAKI THERE WAS BETTER WAYS TO GET BACK UP”- Yeah, but this way, he’s attacking Gran Torino even as he’s rising up. His destructive emotions are practically being channelled with every move he makes, him using everything he can to lash out and destroy first before thinking of his next move. 18) “I’M SORRY FOLKS, I DON’T THINK THERE’S ANYTHING THAT CAN BE DONE TO SAVE HIS FOOT RIGHT NOW. THIS TORINO IS NO LONGER GRAN, DARE I SAY.”- His foot will be less of a concern to him than the massive gaping hole gouged in his stomach. 19) “Good fucking job Gran Torino, jumped in just to be immediately caught and about to be murdered. Well Done you fucking moron. At least you brought Shigaraki a bit of joy on killing another hero.”- Well, better the old man than Endeavour I guess. On average, Endeavour can do more damage to Tomura with his flames than Torino’s kicks could, so you could say he took one for the team. 20) “Huh, is that Nana? Back when she gave her son away? Tell me, were you watching it Gran Torino? Because I doubt this is Shigaraki’s mind right now.”- He was there to support his friend on the most painful day of her life- and it wasn’t even the day that she died. 21) “I fucking knew it you goddamn dramatic asshole.

Alright, now let us see more of that particular moment that set forth most of the tragedies that ensued, and of course, this moment right now where Gran Torino’s foot went to Valhalla”- You have to wonder just how AFO found out about Kotaro in the first place. Nana went through all these lengths to hide him, yet he seemingly kept up the search for her relatives even after she’d died, just out of sheer spite for her memory, apparently. 22) “ah jesus I knew this would turn sad

We know this wasn’t an easy decision, we know there was no choice, but seeing Nana crying over it was not something I ever expected to see, even though I knew it happened”- Nana has always been remembered by All Might as this smiling, bright happy woman, so Gran Torino’s memories shown her letting the mask of that slip and showcase her inner anguish that she hid from everybody, even her protégée, hits harder. 23) “…

Oh god, I just realized the irony of this phrase right now

“hurt your own family to help complete strangers”

Nana had to erase all traces connecting her to her son to save him from AfO, by all intents and purposes they were complete strangers to each other

She was all alone, her only family was now herself.She hurt her family to help a complete stranger”- And that same action rendered Tomura a complete stranger to gran Torino, his grandmother’s closest confidant, such that they are now at mortal blows with each other with Tomura not giving a damm anymore.

@thelreads

#my hero academia #bnha #chapter replies #thelreads #mha 281

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jtavington · 2 years

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3Hopes Demo thoughs

I finished all three demo paths. Aside from the crazy pacing all three paths have strong openings with what you like best depending on personal values. In the order I did them:

Scarlet Blaze: This is the route with the most extra stuff in early chapters. Jeritza is always your teacher and your initial mission is always Monica’s rescue (we aren’t in Kansas anymore) but only in SB do they join. There are a couple of extra scenes as well. This is Edelgard at her smartest, most hopeful, and least willing to compromise her values. And there are a few moments that made me go “Hell yes!” Her countercoup on Thales is a thing of beauty. "Today I will take it all back!” And yes Monica is as gay for El as you've heard :)

My dislike boils down to the fact that I'm a small-c conservative and a practicing Catholic. Which is going to describe pretty much nobody else that likes El but there you go. The revival of the Southern Church reminded me, perhaps unfairly, of various times the official approved church has been an arm of the state. And with all three lords being at their very best from the beginning there's no sense of the villain becoming the hero or El being the best possible victor especially since Golden Willdfire has her still coming after the Alliance.

Azure Gleam: We finally learn who masterminded Duscur: Grand Duke Rufus. And we learn that Cornelia is actually Cleobulus, who interestingly is referred to with male pronouns. I found Dimitri the most likable of the lords if Hopes is taken on its own, with his speech about Shez’s powers and that it's how they are used that make them good or bad and explaining his political philosophy as being things that particularly stood out. Rodrigue is now playable and very much not dead. And he refuses to cover up anything about Duscur regardless of the consequences. Go Blue!

Dislike: it's all oddly impersonal for a Blue Lions route. Dimitri is torn up at the thought of having to kill his uncle, who refers to him as a savage, but there's no sense at this early point of Dimitri actually being a trauma victim. Edelgard is mentioned only briefly and if I hadn’t played AM I wouldn't know she ever meant anything to him. Patricia/Anselma isn't mentioned at all.

Golden Wildfire: I'm going to limit this one to one paragraph simply because my feelings are hard to express. The strength here is that the Deer seem more sharply drawn than their counterparts and Shez has great chemistry with them. But the plot feels like the weakest in the early going, which really highlights that the Alliance is the third wheel in this conflict. Also, your sole unique unit is Shamir and she only has support conversations with Shez. Which actually makes me suspicious that she either won't be around long or we’re getting a bunch of other units. But the main Deer have some of my favorite supports.

A small thing I noticed is that El and Dimitri end up in the same place when it comes to dealing with usurpers and reorganizing the army despite diametrically opposed politics. I am expecting the plot to take a left turn at Albuquerque shortly after the point where the demo ends, so will see about that lord team up.

Overall, the demo is quite strong and polished. The early story at least isn't going to change anyone's mind on the factions, but it's great as an AU love letter to the main game.

#fe three hopes spoilers #scarlet blaze #azure gleam #golden wildfire #demo

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scentedchildnacho · 25 days

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I did do these most auspicious things .....like when asked if I liked an instructor for yoga......I thought ideas to force women into mens stuff is more agricultural labor crime.....pennhurst

But said many yoga instructors I don't enjoy thought dull but said there is a real master at the hare krisna temple in pacific beach

Then asked if money was no object to self care said I would hop a plane to buenos aires .........and tithe the ministry whatever it asked and take a sacred bath.....

Many episodes of claims people have healed from prostituted circumstances and they never once mention anything sacred....how would you heal if prostitution is still expected income

Buenos aires is like the capital of euro latinate mixtures with other cultures

Melanctha....but the white influence on health is very taking care of...

Anyway I said women can go to hare Krishna temple and I can go but it isn't mother God and mother earth and I found out mens interpretation of divinity isn't like closure and moving on

I said this to my new room share because her diet is still bovine spiritual and she gets into trouble if she won't be an ausbergers

She can't find her food stamp card and I suspect staff of taking it so the recycling trash didn't start attracting free loaders muggers rapists and all names for free loaders

If the recycling is very high impact male prime time sport party rapeists.....

I had a bad friend who needed a soda habit and she always canned and took her cans to the recycling herself you can't tell people you have a prior cigarette illegality life style or your sex life is ruined forever by guilty unwanteds

Thats what the indigenous people will give me for release from unwanted males as soon as you can tolerate diet and discipline strange mean single men stop stalking

Her name is Alex so now I know everything sex therapy is not....

She bought a bunch of single use containers from a Mexican shop that has more french about it....so if she wouldn't grab a 24 pack from wal mart for game day or on occasion I think the staff took it for her manic inability to stop buying single use containers

Southerners mentals like need southerners...the lady really makes you work sometimes but sometimes you can have feast and sociallizing

I was right it was the German that stole her food stamp card....the german understand China puppet and manipulative English...so...

I get accused because of poverty and the German staff took it away for her own good...without giving her a liquid diet ..

I have been popped before so I have a bed I don't need anymore pops

The German wanted us to understand psychologically flexible so I said that doesn't make sense that's a material adjective and psychology is speculation on the immaterial and you could get accused of chicago wardens if you use eastern philosophy till it's the immigrant called itself the boss and I have to call right wing legal aid

I told her English was a colonial force here so you have to be careful where and when you use it calling people a nigger because criminal rights activists give tough love speeches to black male incarcerated issues is not really appropriate for a mental house

I had said to the Germans commands to move seats from the table that it would be too close of contact for the group we are not peopled or relations here and it's not normal to treat it like family but I had to be commanded to bend stoop and lift....

Then I told her refusing my advise is considered very disrespectful in my world view to not do what a woman has said is boundary crossing....

Then she asked if i just pushed my paranoia out of my head when i could lie back and take it or rape charges

So i confronted her more bluntly you can't push a thought that's not a job jargon relevant

Hahaha...you a dumb German bimbo hahaha

She wanted us to really get into the emotions of intrusive thoughts so the disbelief people are in crisis sounds like not enough land resources for European factory....

We started eating their shipments and using things from europe so the Germans punish till you die of veganism or malnutrition related over work

It's German colonialism. In Africa they are Wilma mankiller to the line labor so those types of battles still don't stop between Germans and Americans

Germans protect alcohol

All the other counselors are fine they aren't black though their English or Jewish mostly all will be accused of not helping enough and it's the German that had a medication for my skin quickly reintroduced to water and wouldnt give it ...

The mind it away wouldnt stop

I explained to her that isn't maybe current criminal rights and those are women I think Alex appears bisexual and I think she is a woman and you can't call everyone under the males ability or if I have to be called a dudes name I also get a panic attack...

I explained to my counselor later its important because the war on drugs thought it was okay to rape minors in jails for not being allowed the Indian appropriation act of 1851....and when land is just european product hygiene some European internationals give us these medications and improve our lives with their gifts for science and others like that german prove to act the immigrant so

Fruitive aspects missing from high school nutrition then complaints that kids try stuff innocently with their friends

How does a pennhurst happen well the confederates are right its European science but our land and soil so

The English though tell me about agricultural labor the french also about drug rights and Spanish about American revolution but the German......no

Anyway the program is helping me transition from anthropocentrism to biocentric equality so I want to meet everybody i want to know what this is the german is?

That is the Alex....this is the German...okay

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acaixadonada · 2 months

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Day 18: Your short and long term goals

Dang... I have spoken about long term goals already, if I remember correctly. When I wrote for my future self, or something.

Ok, let's go: Short term goals include investing money, moving out, graduate, start my business, get my drivers license.. well, I've been dreaming a lot about decorating my home, so... I'm excited. This year I AM GOING TO MAKE ITTTTT! My short term goals include keep on investing in myself by learning new languages, go back to the gym (exercizing at home's becoming boring to me), start a new graduating course when I finish the business one that I'm currently taking (design, or... music first, maybe? I don't know... i'm going to do all that y'all!), start studying art's history (I've been taking a course, but I want to get deep into that), I want to learn more about philosophy and literature. I want to start traveling around my state.. there are plenty of things to do here, I just need to plan and the money $$. Of course, I intend to keep on reading as much as I can, and an formal ettiquete course's on my plans too.

Long term goals: MAAAAAANNNN, I don't want to write about this in here no more! I mean... ugh. Ok, I'll resume as best as I can but still I'm going to keep some things to myself:

My home. MYYY home. Not my mom's. Not some guy's that I must pay rent and report to. MY home. I've been dreaming about my own freacking house since I was a little girl. (Perhaps for the same reason that I always wanted a family: I wanted stability. Which is something I HAVE NEVER HAD up until now. Thanks heaven I finally got it! But... I don't know.. Security also? Maybe!? Or was I too afraid of being alone?! Or was my liking of children behind it!?)

Anyway. 10 years: My own freacking house, with a private library filled with classics from Milton to Byron, until Dom Quixote. Classics, from everywhere you can imagine ♥ Oh, gotta love this world of ours huh! And of course, a parlor just for me and my girls to have tea!

My financial independence! Yes! A piano! I have always dreamed of one! you know what: I'll include material stuff in here only. I don't want to think about the things I (I'm not even being able to finish this sentence.. really) the things I want but... for some reason I'm not only putting it off now, but... I just feel like "I don't want any of that anymore". This is SO confusing!

I'll buy my mom a house. I don't know how but I will do it. I'll keep on writing and maybe live abroad. I'll travel, meet good people, have new experiences. I won't include a family in the picture for now. I don't feel like it. Maybe because I understood that this is something that I would like to do after a long time refusing to acknowledge it, and now I perhaps have reached this place of "rest" in my heart. Maybe I'm resting! Yes. Maybe I didn't give up, I just decided not to think about it and rest. Who knows!? It's a lot better to rest from a specific topic instead of obsessing about it. It doesn't really help. Besides, I don't have to wait for the things I want in order to be happy.

I don't want to think about "non material" things for now. I'm taking men off of my picture for a few years to come, speacially after that... fertility issue article. I just don't care about men, at least for now, or any of the stuff mentioned before. I'm allright. This 3 day seminar on the church, which is ending today brought me a diferent perspective of life. Maybe I'm finally resting as I should.

I told many many times that I don't mind winding up alone with God, because I'm getting to fall in love with his presence, and that's true. But... this week, I don't know what came to me, but something shifted again and I don't know what is it. For the first time in my life I don't care about men. If they come, if they go, if he's back, if he's gone... whatever dude. Don't know, don't care!

Everything I have heard today at the seminar that kept bringing my past to mind just.. made me realize that all I need right now is to be exactly where I am at, with God only. Only God can provide me what I need, he gave me everything! No men can compete with that! Besides.. I'd rather be alone than settling for ANY guy just... to have a guy, you know!? And guess what? I have finally had the "go!" from God I was praying for to come back to facebook, after a month. And I just DON'T FUCKING CARE. I know! This is crazy! A couple of days ago I was wining about specific things that "went wrong" and I finally understood this is not the end of the world, and actually I realized things went right. Maybe that's why God allowed me to go back on the social media: because there is no pressure anymore, I don't care. i'm... in me now. Well, i'm open to meeting new people but.. don't care. No pressure. I guess that's why things are going so well! I don't obsess, I just manifest!

I realized I'm healed, for good! Yesterday and today I had proof that I am trully healed! The pastor were lecturing about how our love life gets blocked because of our lack of forgiveness to our parents (which is something I have already brought up in here), and how their mistakes (and the ones who came before them) influences our decisions today. I agree to a certain extent... because I also believe in being responsible for our own actions, so it wouldn't make sense believe this a 100%. But I know my grandmother's rotten roots where making a big impact on my decisions today (and I'm not blamming her, but I do believe certain things where there... influencing my decisions). I could feel it! And I have decided long ago that I would do diferently, that I wouldn't repeat my parents, and grandparent's mistakes. We had an exercize on forgivenes: forgiving our parents. Today was about (Jesus, this is hard to type) sexual abuse and withcraft (YES, OMG!). Anyway.. IT WAS TOO MUCH for me! Really! Too much information!

These two days have been intense for me. I have no ideia how was I managing to come from work (YES, I STARTED IT AND i'M LOVING IT!) and go straight to church. I was SO tired but I did it!

When they started those psychological exercizes of "going back to the day your parent did this or that, and the day your abuser did this or asked you to do that" I thought my inner child was going to come out, as she always did whenever I was dating a guy and would throw a fit! Seriously! I was afraid I was going to "get into character" all over again after months of 'her release' and have another one of my childish tantrumns! I didn't want to go back to that place, even though I knew the exercize was necessary to release forgiveness to... that man.

But in this two days I reacted better than I would expect, actually! No crying, no tantrumns, no pain... which is unusual when we talk about... that kind of subject. Even when I was supposed to "relive" my mother's abusive tantrumns in order to forgive her I reacted calmly. I just saw the scene in my mind and... it didn't hurt this time! I could "see it" from a safe distance without attaching myself emotionally to the scene. And that's when I realized I am finally healed, and that no longer afects me FINALLY. Today, I had to "go back to that house", to that bedroom and listen to what I had to listen, to see what I had to see and... I just turned my back to him because I stopped caring about what he did to me. I finally understood that I'm worth the best and... that doesn't define me.

I never thought that after writing about it a couple of days ago and having a good cry would have such a positive impact on me, to the point of "revisiting that day, that house, and see it with my own eyess" without feeling hurt. When you talk about your trauma you take the weight off of it, and it holds no power over you anymore. Getting that abuse off of my chest after a while was powerful. I released it, I released forgiveness, and that's how going through this exercize today at the church didn't hurt me as I expected to.

It was wonderful to walk away from that bedroom feeling like "nah, you don't have power over me anymore!", "You didn't make me unworthy after all", I'm here! I'm over it! "I deserve the best and YOU haven't changed that, you won't take my time from me because I'm not allowing you to rob me of my life anymore"

GOD, I loved walking away from that bedroom, holding hands with my "little me" (I can't remember my age correctly, I guess I was 6 at the time) feeling like a godess who just knocked the abuser down! I can't believe I actually did it!

Today God gave me the gift of realizing that I'm finally over and done with my past, and the abuse and abusive people I have handled. That I'm healed, and God "gave me" back to me! Today I'm ME, for real! For the first time in my life I am me! People are getting to know me, not the character that were built from what happened, or were built after what her mother told her what she should be. No masks, just me!

Today I look into the future with optimism. I know God has given me the grace of starting over, starting anew being me. I'm resting: I have already asked what I wanted so there is no need of insisting. I know it will come. What matters the most to me is that... God healed me, gave me back to me, gave me back my dreams, and he's restoring my life in a way I could never possibly imagine, and only in a couple of months! Really! I never expected my life to turn out as good as it is!

I'm me (today) finally! And I write that with relieve! I'm so glad with the fundamental changes that occured in the past 7 months! And it's just the beggining! I know! There is a lot more to come this year and I'm eager for that! He helped me to change my foundations and is shaping and molding me to be not only me, but also a better version of the real me. All of the other things I have prayed for will follow in the right time.

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crystalelemental · 2 years

Text

“megazardx2: Truth, honestly. I was in the fence about it, but BDSP proved to me that the design philosophy behind Pokémon games really has changed for the worse. Not that I hadn’t known that for a while, but getting a blatant product, a game with such little artistry or innovation that it makes LGPE look like a masterpiece in comparison (like, even that one at least redesigned the characters) was my last straw.

I used to go around defending Pokémon online and calling for the fandom to be more positive, but I’ve quit, because 1) the fandom is unfixable garbage, and 2) Pokémon isn’t worth going to bat for like that. It can still produce great products with tons of artistry when it wants too, but it’s clear that’s not the primary concern.

Pokémon is the fast food of the media world; the reason it’s held up and will continue to hold up is because every generation brings a batch of new and interesting creatures with cool designs, powers and personalities. The Pokémon (as well as the world of Pokémon itself and the human characters, as shown by Masters) are what give this franchise its worth, and the mainline games/anime are primarily made to market them. Artistry isn’t the main focus.”

That’s basically my issue, yeah. Is there still good within the games? Sure. But less than there was before, because Pokemon has reached that level of success where you don’t need to care as much anymore, people will buy your stuff regardless. And you can challenge that and refuse to engage anymore, or you can just accept this is where it’s at and make peace with it. But I do, legitimately believe that things have dropped.

When you hear about the challenges that Gen 2 faced, it’s stuff like “Upper management really wanted the Kanto segment in the game,” and that didn’t seem feasible. But management also put in the direct hours to help with coding and solve their problems and get that goal met. It may have come at the cost of dedicated time to better balance wild encounter levels and your challenges along the way so it didn’t feel like a grind-heavy mess so frequently, but they had a goal in mind that was still focused on a gameplay experience, and for a lot of people it landed well. The concept of going through Kanto again, retracing your old steps and ending on a big showdown with your previous game’s protagonist that you played as, worked well and left a lasting impression. Management goals may not be perfect, and may cause problems, but it was still centered on ideas to make the experience positive.

Nowadays, it’s decisions like “Break the mechanics so people can feel like they’re throwing a Pokeball that defies physics,” or “Make a faithful remake that does nothing interesting.” A lot of their decisions don’t align all that well to what the final product is. They have these grand ideas that ultimately aren’t positive for the product. They’re out of touch. Maybe they’re getting back in touch. Legends was really good, and maybe Scarlet and Violet, if it follows Legends’ lead, can be really good too. But there’s so much in the last ten years that feels like chasing bad ideas that I’m honestly concerned. Even with all the pre-release stuff looking fairly positive, I can’t shake the nerves.

And it is to a degree that fans will not be able to be sated. I think that’s just a natural result of having fans across such a wide age range. Older fans remember what the experience used to be and want back something that won’t return, while newer players are seeking something more comparable to what’s popular now. It’s hard to join those two demands together. It’s the same kind of thing that happened to Zelda. People loved OoT, and every game for like 15 years was given shit for not being like OoT, while the ones that did try to be OoT again got shit from more modern fans for not continuing to be like Wind Waker. You literally cannot win, because there will always be some segment of the fanbase that doesn’t love what you’re doing. And if Zelda’s a good example to work with, the solution seems to be going in a completely new direction. BotW, despite not being my favorite, seemed to be received pretty positively, with far less of the complaints the last three games got. If Legends is that brand new direction, and Scarlet/Violet follows that lead and goes in a different direction...maybe that’s your solution right there. I don’t know. 12 days until we find out, I guess.

#megazardx2

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snailsrneat · 2 years

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Hello, thank you for the match-up event (i love your work 🥺🥺) It’s my first time requesting, so whoop, here we go-

I’m a 5’4 East Asian with straight black hair and dark brown eyes. I guess my most notable physical quality is either my eyes or lips (they’re unnaturally colored for some reason.) I dress in mature/expensive clothing that makes me look older than I am. That or anything I can find in the house. (Basically, business + Victorian fashion or hobo style.)

Uhh, I’m an introvert. I’m either a type 9, 6, or 2 personality. My way of thinking is very romantic, even if I do keep my thoughts on the down low. I adjust very quickly to situations, specifically, you say one word and I psycho-analyze you with surprising accuracy. I get burnt out easily, but I’ll die before I ask for help. I fluctuate between cocky idiot, weirdly kind human, and composed internal narcissist.

Basic Interests: I adore music and the arts in general. Also, philosophy! Yum.

Specific interests: I’m grade 6 pianist and do advanced jazz. I really love old/ancient traditions, cultures, languages.

Favorite food: Roasted duck or Caribbean salad.

Phrases you like to say:

“I don’t like this game anymore.”

“Well, it’s been nice talking with you guys, but I’m going to go cry now.”

“Delicious.”

Zodiac: Taurus

MBIT type: INFP

Phew, this was long XD

You have been matched up with...

Kalim Al-Asim

------------------------------

Your personalities compliment each other's very well.

Y'all are both alike and completely opposite at the same time.

One thing I think is cute is that you guys would secretly plan dates for each other, then when you both surprise each other at the same time.

You guys stare at each other for a second, before bursting out laughing like maniacs.

Jamil doesn't know how to feel though.

One minute your stopping Kalim from doing something stupid, the next you're helping him.

Jamil did approve of you guys at first, nowadays though he's a little bit iffy on it.

You'd probably be in Ignihyde so how you guys met is a bit of mystery to most.

In actuality though y'all just met in class and he wouldn't leave you alone.

The man falls in love quickly, so all it took was one look and he fell in love.

He'd follow you around like a puppy, constantly complimenting on your eyes and occasionally buying you stuff he thinks you'd like.

When he found out you play piano that's when he lost his mind.

You were in his mind constantly and he couldn't stop, so he finally decided to confess.

He couldn't contain his excitement when he heard you say yes.

He picked you up bridal style and began to kiss you all over your face.

He knows when your stressed and forces you to cuddle with him.

He will literally lay in chest and not allow you to leave until he deems you "Unburnt-out"

He listens to you whilst you play your favorite songs. It's his favorite thing.

He doesn't understand much about philosophy but buys you the best philosophy books and listens to philosophy lectures with you.

He tries to make Jamil your favorite food everyday (Jamil refuses to do it most of the time)

Kalim does learn how to make it though.

In general I'd say y'all are the wholesome chaotic couple.

----‐-------------------------

Small A/N here, uhm, recently I've had a minor influx of people asking for match-ups. Especially after I post these ones and I just want to clarify, no I am not doing match-ups. Also, in case any one has read my other match-ups you'll realize that I changed the style of them. I have my reasons for this, namely that creating a short story takes up a lot of time and to be completely honest I've been putting them off the match-ups for a long time because of that. So I am changing the style of them. Don't worry though, I won't change the older ones. Anyway, that's it, byyyyye!

#Match-up event #twst #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #interactions are appreciated #twst matchup

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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years

Text

Guess who just got her teeth fixed!!!!

#it was one tooth really. part of it cracked and impaled me back in september and they tried to fix it in november but my gum was bleeding #too badly for a permanent filling so i had to wait until today #and my temporary filling fell off in january so basically i’ve been roaming around for three months with half a tooth #but NOT ANYMORE #i forgot to ask but i’m almost certain this is a permanent filling. although she was worried i’d have some trouble with it #because apparently my tooth is wonky so ‘the bite might be weird’ or something #it feels fine to me though. i was thinking like.. do i care #my sister in christ i have had half a tooth for three months. my standards are hanging out with hades and the lads #i hope it’s permanent. it feels permanent. it feels like my other large composite filling which i have now had for nearly 7 years #so thank god for that #oh and i feel the need to brag about this but yes i refused anaesthetic. like a boss #i always find that being injected in the gum really fucking hurts. and i seem to be resistant to most anaesthetics and sedatives #so i experience the same amount of pain either way. so like genuinely what’s the point #it didn’t really hurt though. the worst part is having a bunch of stuff in my mouth #at least i don’t have to go again until october. and tbh i might cancel that if i feel fine #my personal philosophy is i don’t go anywhere if i don’t need to. i can’t say it always works out for me. but fuck it; we ball #personal

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booasaur · 2 years

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Well if I erased the last minute that was a perfect episode. Their interactions at the ambulance.

Hahaha, no, even that last minute was part of the perfection! Which, it WAS a perfect ep! Look at what happened:

Jane and Ernie looking expectantly at Lucy as if she must know where Kate is at 6am on a Saturday, which she DOES

Lucy being unbelievably flustered at Kate in a bikini like, we were expecting that from the trailer and yet I still didn't expect it'd be THAT bad, god, it was the most hilarious and painful thing ever

Lucy being super worried when finding hurt Kate and being like, I'm not leaving you!

Lucy sublimating her worry and concern over Kate by telling her to put the ice pack back on her jaw and yelling at her about how dangerous it was to go in alone

Lucy then defending Kate when her boss yelled at her + Kate's soft thank you

Lucy finding out Kate refused a promotion! To stay in Hawai'i! Possibly to stay close to her! That is some Austenian stuff

Also Lucy excitedly telling Kate's boss she'll be okay and that he's lucky to have her :)

Lucy PUMMELING that lady who hurt Kate and like, never in a million years do I think she'd hurt or kill someone because of personal feelings, but did she particularly regret what happened? I wouldn't say so

Jane seeing Kate standing at Lucy's desk (didn't I say that desk's seen more than the elevator??) and immediately leaving the two to talk; as with her and Ernie looking at her earlier during the 6am thing and Jesse gently stepping in to defend Kate at the ambulance, I LOVE when other main characters are involved because writers have historically been very reluctant to expand f/f storylines into others' spaces

Oof, where even to begin with that Kate/Lucy convo? Kate just being there was great, and it starting with Friendly banter, as they'd agreed to return to after Kate's apology in 1x17, also, "you should be horizontal", like, we know you subconsciously think so, Luce

Lucy's "she won't be hurting anyone anymore" and pointed nod at Kate's sling, indicating how invested she'd been in getting the person who hurt Kate

Lucy apologizing for being hard on Kate earlier! Which, yes, just because she's worried doesn't mean she can just take it out on her, so while it was understandable, it wasn't right, and Lucy realized and apologized on her own, and so crucially, given these last few episodes, showing in practice how she views apologies, freely and quickly given when deserved

Lucy's surfing philosophy--and then the mood immediately changing from them laughing about it as Lucy almost brings up who she was seeing, the kahuna Ernie mentioned, but Kate most likely assuming she means seeing as in dating, at which her whole face wobbles and falls, which, yeah, Lucy is casually dating but nobody she'd bring up in conversation so meaningfully, the way Kate thinks is happening

Lucy visibly fighting herself and then HAVING to ask if Kate stayed in Hawai'i for her, and she did! I know people were all like, tbh, I want her to have stayed for career reasons too, but not me, I LOVED that she stayed for Lucy, muahahaha. "Because I wanted to be closer to you?" I love how freaking open that is

Poor Lucy realizing how much she isn't in a place to process this, and shutting it all down before she gives in to the temptation of thinking Kate loved--loves her and they could be a thing and then she could be hurt all over again

"I loved you, Kate." Aaah, she said Kate! Also, loved you, of course, also, like, kind of major, but she said Kate. :> And poor Kate as Lucy walked off. :<

Now okay, so that last minute. I mean, the way Lucy had to steel herself and take that steadying breath before plastering on a smile and walking up to the date? It's only further proof of how NOT over Kate she is, while also setting up a delicious obstacle to climb over in the upcoming eps (sorry to other lady, who seems nice enough). Lucy's heart isn't into her at all and actually I'm pleased that they're granting this time to Lucy (and Kacy the ship, since it's still part of their dynamic), because in other shows Lucy'd just have disappeared off screen after that talk with Kate and we'd just be told instead of shown that she's trying to move on

#replies #femslash related stuff #sent on 20220502 #Anonymous #5 #sorry for this but I had to put my energy into something #distracting #giffing is honestly...it's more mindless than you'd want for right now #maybe I'll make some tomorrow #ncis hawai'i #ncis hawai'i spoilers #ncis hawai'i 1x20 #an ep which lived up to its hype!#kate x lucy #kacy

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bougiebutchbitch · 2 years

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I love platonic kakashi and yamato! Do you have any headcanons?

TOO MANY TO CONTAIN IN MY LITTLE HEAD

I love the idea that Kakashi introduced Yamato to so much! He really helped him grow as a person, and showed him that there was more to life - and to being a shinobi - than becoming a mindless tool for your superiors.

But having Yamato on his team really helped Kakashi, too.

[discussion of dark stuff under cut. TW: self harm, mentions of suicide]

Like, obviously, Kakashi met Tenzou in the midst of his bad PTSD/depression phase, and that didn't magically go away because he had a kohai to care for. He was in a pretty messed up place when they booted him from ANBU.

He might not have been willing to take his own life, after what happened to his father, but he is deeeefinitely willing to die unnecessarily on a mission. He takes the hardest, most suicidal solos; he dives in front of every blade that flies at any member of his team... He's big on self-sacrifice to the point where it becomes suicidal ideation and self harm.

And Yamato sees that. Up close and personal.

He's fucked up in the head, too. He still struggles to make his own choices. He's uncomfortable with selecting his own food at restaurants for years, and has to slooooowly build up his own opinions on simple things like clothing or favourite colours.

Sidenote: I like to think Kakashi randomly springs questions on him that he's never had cause to think about before, like 'what's your favourite animal?', just to help him gain more ownership over his own personality🥺 Maybe Yamato copies the copy ninja a lot at first?? But then he tries to read Icha Icha one time and goes 'LOLNOPE THIS IS A BAD IDEA' and starts defining himself instead sdlkfgjhsdfkg

Point is, he's no therapist. And Kakashi's the team leader - he looks after them. Yamato doesn’t know how to stage an intervation without breaking the chain of command.

But after months of dancing around the issue, pretending not to see how Kakashi flings himself into every fight like he doesn't care if he comes out the other side, how he's twisted his philosophy of protect your friends (a philosophy Yamato still struggles to understand) into this strange delusion that his life is worth inherently less...

Well. Fate conspires to ensure that Yamato can't ignore Kakashi’s self-destruction any longer.

He sits by Kakashi's hospital bed. Watching him breathe.

In, out. In, out. Each rise of his chest a tiny miracle.

Yamato slows his own breaths to match. They're considerably less obstructed, given the lack of a plastic tube shoved down his throat.

Bandages bulk sempai's chest, filling out his shape under the sheets like he's still strapped into his ANBU armour. He took a kunai to the lung for Yamato. A kunai that could've easily been deflected with Mokuton - at least, so Yamato thinks. Still, he had a solid chance, and sempai knows him well enough - has fought him enough - to know that.

Point is, there was no need for Kakashi to get hurt. But he got hurt anyway.

And here they are again, in a familiar room that Yamato suspects has Kakashi's name on the door, treated by a doctor who refers to sempai by his surname, not his ANBU code. In familiar positions too: Kakashi on the bed, nursed back from the brink and undoubtedly mad about it. Yamato on the chair, mad at him.

It takes him embarrassingly long to realise sempai isn't asleep - just feigning it, waiting for him to go away. Like he doesn't want to face him. Like he's ashamed.

Good, thinks Yamato. Sempai should be.

He sinks lower on his chair and glowers through the eyeholes of his porcelain mask.

The medics care little for ANBU eccentricities; they've removed both of Kakashi's own masks in order to intubate. The longer Yamato stares, the more Kakashi shifts, until he's not even pretending to sleep anymore. He makes a feeble attempt to pull the covers up over his nose.

Right. Sempai hates it when people stare at his face.

Yamato crosses his arms and refuses to blink.

"You," he says, "are very cruel, you know."

Kakashi's dark eye flicks to him. The other twitches behind its scarred lid, but stays shut. Pale lashes cast shadows on his cheeks. He makes a gurgly noise around the tube that might be a denial or an apology. Either way, Yamato doesn't want to hear it.

"How many people have died for you?" he demands.

Kakashi looks away. Too many.

Yamato squeezes his thumbs at the centre of his fists until they ache. It's the wrong way to throw a punch, but right now, they're only sparring with words - and it's a one-sided match.

That's for the best. Sempai can sweet-talk his way out of anything. Right now, Yamato needs him to shut up and listen.

"So, you know what it feels like. And you would inflict that on me? You'd make me watch you die for me?"

Kakashi's shoulders stiffen. Then, slowly, slump. He slackens against his bed like he's finally given up the ghost, staring dully at the ceiling. No more gurgles. It seems that, for once in his life, he has nothing clever to say.

Yamato leans over him. His expression is wooden as ever, under his mask, but all the churning emotions inside him - anger sempai would put himself in this position, relief that he made it, absolute terror that he'll do this again - manifest in the tremble in his hand, as he grips Kakashi's wrist.

"Don't," he says. Though it's not the subordinate's place to question a taichou, he pushes as much authority into the word as he can muster. "Don't you fucking dare, sempai. Don't leave me like that."

ANBU die. It's practically in the job description. Yamato has made his peace with it: his own death, and that of his comrades. What he cannot accept - what he cannot abide - is that Kakashi, who helped him to give his life meaning, might throw his own away. Like it means nothing. Like he means nothing.

"Don't," Yamato repeats.

Kakashi still doesn't look at him. But he nods once, order accepted.

Yamato trusts him implicitly in the field. They've trained together for years, and fought together too, taking down foes back-to-back and side-to-side. He knows Kakashi as well as the balance on his own knives.

He wishes he could trust him right now.

#yamato #tenzou #kakashi #my fic #bbb creates

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embermc · 3 years

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c!Quackity's form of manipulation is interesting because, although he is definitely lying and purposefully being deceitful, and although he is very much being extremely manipulative by preying on people's insecurities and using what cuts the most deep to them in order to get them to do what he wants, there's also this sense that you get that, at least on some level, c!Quackity genuinely believes the general themes and meanings of what he is saying and trying to convince others of to be true.

I think it ultimately stems from the idea that a lot of c!Quackity's manipulation and convincing attempts he's made in the past few streams are absolutely loaded with self-projection. He, whether it is subconsciously or not, is not only choosing the members of Las Nevadas due to their skill set, what they can provide for him, or because they're currently in a lost, weakened mental state (although those all are a large part of it). In each of the planned additions we've seen so far (Foolish, Purpled, and Fundy), there has been a sense of himself, or an old version of himself, that c!Quackity has noticed in each of them, or at least projected onto them. Each of them represent an old ideal or version of Quackity, something that is very deep-cutting and central to his current philosophies and behavior. And in his attempts to convince them to join Las Nevadas, while he was also being purposefully deceitful, manipulative, and was weaponizing their insecurities, there was also this underlying sense that c!Quackity himself was lashing out, that he was trying to break through to them with what he believes is true due to his past experiences, and in doing so, was forcefully projecting a lot of his own insecurities, both past and present, onto them.

Take c!Foolish, for example. To c!Quackity, yes, he wants to use c!Foolish for his power and weaponize him, but c!Foolish is also representative of a former version of himself. A version that wholeheartedly believed in peace, believed in diplomatic relations in politics and was optimistic about improving the world around him through nonviolence, negotiation, friendships, and love. But now, c!Quackity is adamant about taking power by force, using any means necessary, however unethical and morally dark they may be. He doesn't believe that peace and diplomacy can work anymore, and believes that Foolish is, well, foolish, for thinking they can. c!Quackity believes it is a fruitless venture to pursue the betterment of the world through peace, diplomatic relations, and waiting in hope for something to go right. This is something he wholeheartedly believes now, and is trying to instill that belief in c!Foolish (albeit, through morally corrupt and pretty deceitful ways). c!Quackity looks back on that old, idealistic version of himself and sees wasted potential. He sees plans that never worked, philosophies that were flimsy and bound to fail, and ideas that never paid off. He sees his old self a fool. That is partially why, when faced with this person with such similar ideals and beliefs to his old self, c!Quackity can't do anything but openly experience frustration, and a little bit of disappointment and disgust. (Continuation under cut).

And then there's c!Purpled. In his conversations with c!Purpled, Quackity emphasizes the fact that Purpled has no legacy left. Everything he has is gone, he has nothing for people to remember him for, so he and his contributions don't matter. And c!Quackity then chalks this all up to be the fault of not only Purpled himself, but of the people, the powerful people and figures of authority, that have reduced him to being nothing and have overlooked him, used him. A lot of this speech is definitely c!Quackity being morally dubious in his attempts to recruit Purpled, but there was also this underlying sense of desperation in this scene, of growing emotion and frustration...specifically on Quackity's end. I want to talk about this quote in particular: "You will be a big part of history. Finally, you won't be used by shit people like Dream, or anyone else who has used you for your abilities, and for your skills, and for anything you've ever done on this server." This is a clear sign of projection, as a lot of this quote applies to c!Quackity far more than it applies to c!Purpled (although it can apply to Purpled as well.) Quackity has always felt undermined and used by those above him, whether it be Dream, Schlatt, or anyone else. He's always hated those who he views as tyrants and those who have manipulated or used him to their own benefit. I particularly remember a scene where Quackity, back in the Manberg era, was fuming over the fact that he felt that c!Schlatt was using him, playing him for a fool and using him for his political abilities.

There's also the fact that, due to him constantly being undermined by those above him, nearly every single one of Quackity's plans or ideas have been rejected, or have catastrophically failed. He was left with nothing. This is particularly clear during his pre-Doomsday stream, when Quackity reflects on how so many of his plans have failed, and was left to wonder if anything, and anything he's done for L'manberg, really even matters. Having his plans constantly foiled and being constantly undermined and "used" by those above him with more power, by "shit people," left him hopeless, with a sense of having nothing left he truly had faith in. That is, until Las Nevadas. Not to mention, the idea of being "forgotten" is one that most likely rings true to Quackity, even if he won't admit it to himself, as he's still troubled over being supposedly "forgotten" by his fiances. So, in a way, that's another small example of, although c!Quackity was being purposefully manipulative towards c!Purpled and was weaponizing his insecurities against him, there was still present that deep-rooted idea that, at least on some level, Quackity believes a decent part of what he was saying to Purpled because his arguments were rooted in his beliefs and frustrations with being used and overlooked in the past, although they have become laced and corrupted by his manipulation attempts.

And lastly, there's c!Fundy. This is probably the most blatant example of c!Quackity partially, most likely unknowingly, slipping out of a manipulative mindset for a small while in order to project onto somebody he sees a similar past version of himself in, or reminds him of past qualities and experiences of himself. He brings up again, quite passionately, that idea of being constantly overlooked by people with more power than you, of being oppressed and being told what you can and can't do. Now, of course, he's also being manipulative and deceitful here, because Quackity knows full well that c!Fundy would be enticed by this argument and would be able to relate. He knows that Fundy had a thirst for recondition and a desire not to be oppressed, not to be told what he can and can't do, as well as to have someone give him admiration and affection. He uses this to his advantage, in order to craft a pitch that Fundy couldn't refuse. He even uses people that don't truly have much power, such as c!Tommy, as examples of people that has had power over he and Fundy in the past (although, it's possible that c!Quackity's trust issues have lead him to believe that to be true as well, but that's a different topic and only a theory).

Point being, Quackity is clearly being manipulative here, and he knows it. In all of these situations, there is a good chance that he knows he's not being morally right. He mentions it to c!Sam, making a joke that implies he knows he's not the "good guy."

However.

I do still believe that c!Quackity somewhat believes some of that pitch to Fundy himself, as well. Because he too, has really had similar situations as he describes Fundy having. He was overlooked and pushed around by Schlatt, told what he could and couldn't do. He was told what he could and couldn't do in the early days, when he wanted to join L'manberg. He was even foiled by Techno and Dream, used by Dream in particular, numerous times. He had to have an entire revolution in order to gain the right to declare independence for what was a tiny little hill.

A lot of what makes Quackity's manipulation and lies interesting is that, unlike others like c!Dream, his lies are laced with truth. When he manipulates someone, he doesn't usually just flat-out lie to them, and doesn't always just make stuff up. He takes their insecurities, accentuates them, and then uses them in order to attempt to manipulate the ideologies and motives of the person he's speaking to. And, as I've mentioned before, he projects. This makes it much easier for him to manipulate them, because he can connect to them and develop an understanding of their thought process. But it's also a way for him to subconsciously vent his trauma, his frustrations, and his insecurities.

Quackity is a character that doesn't speak about his emotions often, at least not anymore. To him, "there is no place for emotions in Las Nevadas." He doesn't want to get hurt, so he won't open up. So, in these manipulation attempts, attempts to use others, there's also this subconscious sense of Quackity taking his own frustrations, his own insecurities, and casting them onto somebody else as a way of venting and trying to find a solution to them. He speaks and rants about things that he partially believes are true, about violence over diplomacy, about being tired of being overlooked and used. From there, he can take these frustrations and make action out of them. Find a solution for the troubles and frustrations that now totally belong to the other person as well. This solution being the thing he sees as the solution for his own troubles: Las Nevadas. Because in reality, Las Nevadas isn't really the solution to any of the other people's problems. It's not the solution to Foolish's issues, or Purpled's issues, or Fundy's issues. But Quackity, in his desperation for a sense of his own agency, for a legacy, for an impact he can make on the world, sees it as the solution to his, and he wants that belief to be validated by seeing it as the solution to others' problems as well.

Now, of course Quackity, on some level deep down, knows that Las Nevadas isn't meant to help or heal the people he's recruiting. He does indeed partially want them for what they can offer him, their power, their skills, and so on. He is being manipulative in a lot of his words and actions because he knows he's using underhanded methods in order to recruit people that he can use. But, as I've stated before, Quackity has a tendency to think, at least on some level, that his actions are for the sake of ending oppression on others. He's hypocritical, in a way, and that's always been a part of his character, back since New L'manberg days at least. He's wanted power for himself and is willing to use people to do so, but also strongly believes that he's ending oppression and he's helping out those who are being "used" by tyrants. I think there's a similar situation here, although he's a lot more cynical and views himself as less of a hero now, and acknowledges that he's willing to use unjust methods and use others. He's slightly more self-aware of his misdeeds.

But he's still heavily projecting his own beliefs, insecurities, and ideals a lot, and I just find that interesting. It's a fascinating part of his character's thought process, because as I've stated before, he's aware that he's being manipulative, but his manipulation is still laced with partial truths, truths that he himself believes to an extent. c!Quackity is an incredibly interesting character, and his forms of convincing and manipulation reveal a lot of his inner thought process that he tends to prefer to keep hidden away, for his own sake.

#dream smp #dsmp #quackity #c!quackity #fundy #c!fundy #foolish gamers #c!foolish gamers #purpled #c!purpled #dsmp spoilers #tw manipulation #tw violence #tw swearing #tw cursing #/rp

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missskzbiased · 3 years

Text

Red Light

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Angst (Squintish lol), Oneshot, , Confession! au, Brother’s Best Friend au

Pairing: Lee Felix x Fem! Chubby! Reader (Feat. Hyunjin)

Word Count: ~4,2K [I’m sorry]

Notes: The fourth fanfic for the Valentine’s request [That you can find here]

Chan || Minho || Changbin || Hyunjin || Han || Felix || Seungmin || Jeongin

Masterlist

Warnings: Language [Shit/Fuck], Insecurities, Alchohol/Drunkness [Hyunjin]

Requested: Yes, by 🥥 anon [I really hope you like it even though it got out of hand lol]

General Tag List: @channiewoo @aliceu @bythesunnotbythemoon

[If you wish to be tagged to the other Valentine’s requests, please send me an ask <3]

///

You fought the urge to kick Hyunjin.

That wasn’t the first time you wondered what you had possibly done wrong with your life along the way to God take a liking to mess up with you. There was no way in hell that you didn’t do anything wrong! No way at all! You had to have done something extremely unforgivable to be obliged to stand up in the street in bloody cold weather to watch your brother squirming as he tried to sober up. You crossed your arms over your chest, judging Hyunjin with all your soul and pitying his best friend for having to put up with him.

“How much did he drink?” You decided to ask Felix, playing the big sister role and deciding to drop your murdering intentions.

Felix shrugged, unsure about what to say to you as he stood behind Hyunjin ─ who was sitting down on the curb ─, playing his role of a back supporter when your brother leaned back, searching for something to rest his head for a while. You studied Felix attentively, noticing how he didn’t seem to be dressed up for a party ─ sweatpants and hoodie looking good on him but not as much as you’d expect for a Friday night ─, yet not missing the way he could stand straight, no sign of drunkenness in his eyes or body. He glanced at you shyly, unsure about why you were taking so long to look at him from head to toes, and suddenly feeling self-conscious about his overall appearance.

“You weren’t with him?” You inquired, getting a silent nod from the boy “Wait- Were you or not?” You frowned, confused by the answer, and Felix rubbed his arm, shaking his head this time to show that he wasn’t there all along “Did he call you too?” You sighed, rolling your eyes “Jeez… What to do with this little shit?” You whined, squatting to get to his eye level.

“Leave me alone” Hyunjin slurred, trying to push your head away from him but missing it by far, slapping your shoulder by mistake. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes to regain your composure and not scrape his face on the ground while Felix smirked, watching you amusedly. The younger boy seemed to take pity on you ─ or maybe he was worried about his best friend’s life ─, leaning to shake Hyunjin’s arm repeatedly in a vain attempt to make him move.

Hyunjin jerked his arm away from him, mumbling something unintelligible as his body threatened to fall forward, prompting you to hold his shoulders, startled by the possibility of being struck down. Felix jolted his hands to hold him back, just as startled as you, placing them right on top of yours. You snapped your eyes at him, feeling your face warming up but refusing to acknowledge it, and getting a tiny bit disappointed when he retracted his hand without a second thought.

Felix lowered his head, carefully holding his own hand and rubbing his thumb on his palm before he lifted his gaze, looking around the crowded place with melancholic eyes and then glancing at you. Did he hurt his hand or something? You frowned, staring at him for a few seconds before pushing your worries aside when Hyunjin mumbled something… What an annoying little prick! You slapped his head, poking his arm with your foot to get him mad enough to get up by himself.

“I vote for letting him rot in here” You suggested when he didn’t move an inch, whimpering in protest, and getting a snort from Felix “Let’s go home, Felix! No one will miss this dumbass” You nagged, loud enough for Hyunjin to whine once more, trying to push you away before he finally decided to get up, holding on Felix for dear life as he crawled his way off of the floor.

“I think he believed you would leave him here” He chuckled, throwing Hyunjin’s arm over his shoulder to support him and help him to get to your car. The first vocal response you got from him for the night. Nice. You glanced at him; watching as his eyes morphed into crescents and his skin wrinkled around his eyes, giving him an innocent and childish vibe that got you giggling.

“That’s because he knows I would” You joked, involving your brother’s waist. You tried to ignore how close you were to Felix at the moment ─ literally one Hyunjin apart ─ and how your arm crossed your brother’s back to overlap with Felix’s, hands brushing on each other’s sides. Even though the moment wasn’t intimate, you felt your heart beating faster inside your chest, pursing your lips as you left the party behind to head to your car.

You didn’t remember when all of this started.

The first time you talked to Felix was on a Friday night, just like this one but way warmer. You had never seen him before but you had heard him thousands of times as Hyunjin and his friends used to hang around in your living room a whole lot. Even though he didn’t have a face in your mind, you had his shrill laughing imprinted in your head, and that night ─ when you had too much studying to do and acceptance stuff for college to handle ─, you decided to snap at the cheerful boy.

You burst into the living room filled with rage, smacking the wall to get their attention before actually landing your eyes on him; anger faltering for a bit. You never imagined that Felix could match so much to his laughter… His laugh was thin ─ like a string ─, and so was he, small and slender like you never saw a guy being before. His laugh was warm ─ like the sun ─, and you could swear his smile brightened up the whole place, stunning you. His laugh was cheerful ─ like a child ─, just like the glint in his eyes and his choked giggle made you feel like.

That was the first time you met him.

And that was the first time he shut you out.

It still stung a little bit.

The younger you had taken this to your heart; it was impossible not to as you couldn’t help but notice how he always glanced and giggle in your way when he thought you weren’t paying attention. Every single time you walked into the room, his twinkling eyes followed you ─ not as sneakily as he thought ─ and he kept fighting the urge to smile, looking away and pursing his lips, trying not to be too obvious. At that time, you were kinda self-conscious about your body, and you couldn’t help but think he was laughing at you.

What could be so funny to the point he couldn’t hide it?

Was it because you liked to walk around with your legs in full display? The absence of a thigh gap should be hilarious to him… It could be easy to laugh about it when you were slim as a bloody twig ─ one that was poking you, by the way ─ and didn’t have to worry. Was it because of the way you walked? Too bouncy with the delight of being accept to the Uni that you wanted. Was it because of the way you dress? Not as one would expect for a chubby body. Was it just the fact that you weren’t the slender small girl he must be used to date? As much you would like to challenge him with all those questions, you didn’t know if you were prepared for the answers.

So you didn’t.

When you got into college, everything changed.

There was some kind of rebellious vibe going around when you were a young adult with too much freedom and a whole new world to explore by yourself. As much as you weren’t sure you were able to. You met new people, new life visions, new styles, new philosophies… Then everything you ever thought was a given, suddenly didn’t seem as much of a label. You weren’t the same self-conscious and shy girl by the end of the semester, and Felix wasn’t the same giggling boy as well.

You didn’t know what had changed in him, but something did.

The giggling boy got more and more melancholic as time passed by, and even though you could still feel his eyes following you around, the amusement and bliss that he formerly displayed were nowhere to be found. He always had been the tiny and delicate one, but now he seemed small too. You didn’t know what happened back then, and you didn’t care, to be honest. You were feeling good about yourself, and maybe there was something about it that made it no fun for him anymore…

The lack of interest made it easier for both of you.

Somewhere along the last years, you and Felix finally hit it off.

You thought it had something to do with the easiness that came along with the fact that neither of you was bound to previous judgment. You didn’t need Felix’s approval anymore because you didn’t have any feelings for him. He has matured enough to not need to keep silently mocking you and your silly infatuation. That was what you thought. The reality was that speaking to Felix, hanging out with Felix, meeting Felix, knowing Felix… If he ever was a jerk to you before, you couldn’t see any traces of it in his eyes, in his speech, or his gestures. He was just Felix. The friendly guy that befriended your younger brother. The younger guy that kept insisting on making his way to your mind and heart.

You didn’t know how it all began.

But you did know that somewhere along the way you fell for him.

And that was exactly the reason why your heart was drumming inside your head as you closed your car’s door, all alone with him in the front seat as Hyunjin was long gone at the back, sleeping sonorously. You cleared your throat, glancing at him before turning the music on in hopes that it would help to light up the mood ─ even though nothing had spoiled it yet ─, and offering a small smile as you turned on the car. Unsurprisingly to you, as soon as Felix acknowledge to be all by himself with you, he started to be more talkative, getting rid of his previous anxiety and relaxing into the seat, throwing you a bright smile.

You had yet to understand why he was like that.

“So, how is everything going?” He asked, clearly interested in what you had to say as he crossed his arms and looked at you attentively. You shrugged, trying to remember something worthy of mention but not grasping anything at all “Nothing going on at your work? No annoying Professors? No crush?” He sounded quite casual but you still caught a glimpse of his eyes darting between you and the road to the last question.

“The answer is the same as the last time you asked me those” You chuckled “There’s a lot going on at work but nothing interesting. There is always some annoying Professors, you can’t hide from them. Are you reporting my love life to my parents?” He laughed it off, shrugging as he turned his head to look at the passing scenarios.

“No, I just want to hear more about you” He explained, voice muffled by his hand that supported his face as he elbowed the window “Also, those questions cover pretty much everything that could be going on in your life: Work, money, grades, social life, and love” He added, trying to convey a wise aura as he looked at you “You just need to actually answer them so we can keep this conversation going” He chuckled, making you snort at his conclusion.

“Fair enough” You agreed “Let’s talk about you then” You suggested, and he whined when you didn’t give him any of the answers he was expecting “Why weren’t you at the party with Hyunjin?” You asked curiously, and he seemed to stiffen up to your question.

“Valentine’s party” He said as if it explained everything “A bunch of single people trying to hook up before Sunday because they don’t actually have a date… I got better things to do” He shrugged, and you nodded. It shouldn’t have made you so relieved, but it was good to know that Felix didn’t care about hooking-up at parties as much as your brother did.

“Like watching TV in your pajamas?” You teased, chuckling when he blushed under your gaze and pouted, crossing his arms over his chest and mumbling something under his breath “Nice pants, by the way… The one that gave it to you has a pretty good taste” You joked, and this time he laughed along with you, knowing fair too well that you were the one who gifted it to him.

“Yeah, it seems like they do” He agreed playfully “I must say that whoever gave you that blouse is a fashionista! You look amazing in it”

There was a moment of silence when neither of you laughed it off.

The blouse was Felix’s present to you, which was a witty remark that you would appreciate and giggle about if he didn’t finish his sentence at all. You look amazing in it. The warmth crept into your cheeks, and you wished it didn’t spread to your chest like it did, lighting up something you couldn’t quite point out. You tried to fight that thought, but it still lingered somewhere in the back of your mind.

He thought you looked amazing.

You cleared your throat, making sure to push that idea aside before thanking him quietly for the compliment. It didn’t mean anything. He didn’t mean anything by it. He was just saying this because he was the one who gave you that gift. You could chant this how many times you wanted to inside your head but it still didn’t quite get there, leaving a bittersweet feeling inside your mouth.

Did he mean it?

It shouldn’t matter.

It did.

“I didn’t mean anything by it” He blurted out, checking for your reaction twice in a tense motion.

“No- Yeah! I know” You feigned a laugh that sounded more like a snort than the classy one that you were aiming for “You’re just bragging about your taste in clothes” You nodded, pursing your lips in a weird grimace “I wasn’t thinking- I know you wouldn’t say something like this to me” You reassured him.

“Yeah!” He chortled “Why would I ever tell you something like this?” He asked in a goofy tone that wasn’t meant to hurt you but it did anyway “It’s not like it would make a difference anyway…” He mumbled, less playful and more seriously now.

“Wow” You blurted, blinking a few times, taken aback by his statement “That was a pretty jerky thing to say” You pointed out, slowly dropping the speed as you spotted a red light “I mean- That’s okay if you don’t find me attractive but you don’t need to make it sound like it’s something out of this world” You scoffed, poking your cheek with your tongue, annoyed by the sudden turn of events.

“What?” He frowned, genuinely confused by your input “Who said I don’t find you attractive?” His tone was somewhere between a challenge and a question, making you furrow your brows as you stared blankly at him.

“You” He seemed flabbergasted by your answer, so you scoffed once more before continuing “Why would you ever tell me I look amazing if it doesn’t make any difference?” You asked as if to remind him of what he had just said, glaring at the green light before speeding up again. “It doesn’t sound like you find me attractive at all” You pointed out, and he snorted, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Really?” He was dumbfounded “You didn’t figure it out?” His mouth was agape, eyes wide as saucers as if he was seeing the world under a brand new light “I mean- Really?!” He couldn’t even keep himself on a train of thoughts, laughing at himself “I don’t even know what to say… I was being… No, really?” He narrowed his eyes at you in the end, suspicious of you for a second.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You nagged, a scowl plastered on your face as you focused on the road.

“Y/N…” He said softly, eyes twinkling under the street lights, “I mean…” He hesitated “What I meant is that I know that you only see me as a young brother and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable” He explained calmly, and you couldn’t help but be surprised by it. When the hell did you treat him like a young brother? Was he blind or something? “I do find you attractive; I meant what I said… I just—“ He gulped down.

“Really?” You asked skeptically “Because I remember clearly how you used to laugh at me back then, and now you suddenly—“ You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief as you stopped at another red light “Uncomfortable…” You stressed the word as if you find it amusing “Do you know what makes me uncomfortable, Felix?!” You spat angrily, glaring at him.

“Y/N, I have never laughed at your –“ He tried to defend himself, a stern expression on his face.

“Don’t lie to me!” You spat, enraged as you got the green light back “I noticed your looks, Felix! I always did!” You fought back your urge to cry, hitting the steering wheel to release part of your pinned up frustrations “And the giggles!” You added, bitter for having to emphasize it “And I know you’re better now! I know you’ve grown up! I know you’re not the same silly teenager that you used to be! I know!” You blurted thought after thought, too avid to let it all out.

There was no way to stop it now.

“But you’re still avoiding me!” Your voice faltered in the end, choked with all of your emotions “Every single time we’re in public you treat me like I have the plague! Did you think I wouldn’t notice it?! Don’t you think it makes me uncomfortable?” You scoffed, glancing at him melancholically.

“I… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable” He said sincerely, staring intensely at you “I didn’t think you minded it at all” He admitted “I just thought… I’m ashamed to be seen with you” He confessed, interlocking his fingers and lowering his head as he averted his gaze from you, fixing himself on his sit to face straight ahead.

Ouch!

If he smacked your face, it would be less painful.

“Wow” You laughed in shock, dumbfounded by his statement “Okay… I- Wow… I just…” You blinked a few times, poking your cheek with your tongue before shrugging “I really thought you had gotten better, you know? But that’s fine. It’s better this way… I don’t need you in my life if you’re so ashamed of me and—“ You tried your best to stay focused and mature but it wasn’t the easiest task you had had in your hands.

“Wait! Ashamed of you?!” Felix snapped his eyes up, brows arched in utter surprise “Why would I ever be ashamed of you?!” He asked, widening his eyes before blinking, as if to see if he got things right, “You’re literally perfect! Why would I ever be ashamed of you?! You’re the one who should be ashamed of me!” He frowned in confusion, and you mimicked his expression.

“What?” You had to be missing something “What are you talking about?” You asked, bewildered.

“Y/N…” He chuckled, eyes wavering in a soft look that threw you off for a bit “You’re smart… And you’re hard-working too! You got into your dream college and you work and study and… I don’t even know! You’re older, and wiser, and better” He counted on his fingers “You’re gorgeous” He blushed, clearing his throat uncomfortably “I mean… You’re really attractive! Like… I mean-“ He stumbled over his words, making your heart burst inside your heart “You’re everything someone could ever want!” He offered you a small smile.

Another red light.

“And I’m just your brother’s best friend” He laughed bitterly “I’m younger, dumber, and I don’t even know how I managed to get into college with Hyunjin… I don’t have a job, and I’m just… I mean- You’re way out of my league, Y/N” He lowered his gaze, playing with his sleeve mindlessly “When we stand side by side… It’s like you’re the whole sun, all shiny and promising, and I’m… I don’t even know what I am” He snorted “How could I even dare to stand by your side?” He questioned, brokenhearted.

“Felix…” You muttered, dismayed by what he had just said.

Greenlight.

“I didn’t look at you and giggled because I was making fun of you, Y/N… It was because I found you cute. When you wandered around the house like that… You’re adorable. You’re just too adorable, and I couldn’t help but watch you and…” He smiled to himself, eyes softening as if he was just remembering something “I felt happy… Every time you were around, I just felt so happy… But I was too shy to say anything” He sighed.

So all of those looks…

All of those smiles…

“Then you got into college and I realized that… We were so far apart… You were so unreachable…” He smiled sadly, shrugging “I could only watch you from afar, and I would never be one of those friends you brought home… I would never be your classmate… I would never be anything more than your brother’s best friend…” He glanced at you, ashamed of what he was sharing “And that kinda made me see that being shy and silent around you had no point at all, you know? I never had a chance, to begin with”

So the melancholy…?

“I had no idea” You admitted, taking a turn to the left and facing another red light.

You never had come across so many of those in your whole life.

The heavy silence that fell upon you was eased by the music playing in the radio ─ a little too upbeat for the situation but it would have to do ─, and you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything to break that ice. You stared at him in deep thought, wondering how he could have gotten every single thing you ever did ─ and how you did just the same as him ─ so wrong and out of context. You blinked twice, eyes wandering around his face before focusing on the red light.

You thought about how he didn’t tell you that he loved you, even if it sounded as he did. Was it something in the past? Or did he feel it now just like you did? Was his heart beating like yours? Was he hopeful like you that it would be some kind of confession in the air? Was it okay to just confess everything you had hidden inside of your chest?

The red light looked too alluring as you avoided acting upon it.

Then it struck you.

How ironic it was that right when you wanted to confess your feelings (or hear a confession), there was a huge red sign like this right in front of your face? But also… How many times had you given the hugest of all green lights to Felix? How many times he did the same to you? How many times you tried to read the room and failed it? How many green signs were dyed red because of your insecurities and fears?

You know what?

Fuck it.

You didn’t need to think twice to lean in and kiss him.

You caught a glimpse of Felix’s startled face when you got closer to him, hand going to his neck to pull him in for a kiss. He didn’t complain, though. As soon as your lips met his, he was eager to return the kiss, hands going to cup your face and bring you closer to him. The kiss wasn’t really beautiful… It was kinda messy, unsynchronized and there was too much teeth in the formula. Yet, it had every single ounce of love that both of you nurtured for so long and were so afraid to show to each other.

You could keep kissing him forever if he wanted to.

And he did.

But the light turned green.

You broke away from the kiss as the horns started their enraged chorus behind you, chuckling as Felix gawked. You laughed, fixing yourself on your seat and starting the car again, finally getting out of their way. Felix blinked a few times, still too flabbergasted to say anything as he straightened up on his seat and looked ahead, ears set aflame.

“You more than enough for me” You said, glancing at him “And I love you” You added, watching as he lowered his face, a huge smile plastering on his face as he whimpered excitedly.

“I love you too” He muttered, sinking on the seat as you chuckled.

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