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#i probably talked way too much on here but like...... i really am just a ball of DOING NOTHING on my couch today soooo
hockybish · 2 days
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I Didn't Want This Either
l Luke Hughes l masterlist l part 1 l * warning: death *
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"Can we talk?" Jack knocked on the window of Luke's car. He didn't like what he was going to ask Luke, but he needed to get the conversation over with.
"What's up?" Luke watched as Jack fiddled with the sleeve of his jacket.
Jack took a deep breath in, counted to five, before let out the inhaled air.
"I know this is never probably going to happen, but I just want to be prepared just in case. because you never know what could happen. and Addie agrees with me, for once, I know it's crazy.
"Jack spit it out."
"Now that I have two kids. I've been thinking more about what happens to them if something happens to us. And I think I want you to raise them if we can't." The older brother asked of the younger one.
"Jack, I don't know." Luke contemplated what he was being asked, which was really nothing, but he knew. "Isn't there anyone better for the job? Mom? Quinn?"
"No, Luke. Quinn and Liv have enough going on and Mom and Dad don't need to raising two little kids after the raised us." Jack explained. "Plus you're great with them and they love you so much. Please Lukey."
"Fine"
"Great! I'll add you to daycare pick up." Jack reached over to give his brother an awkward hug before they went on with their separate ways.
--
"You're pretty." Jack chanced a glanced over at his beautiful wife. They had just dropped the kids off at daycare and were on their way to the rock.
"You're not too bad yourself Mr. Hughes" Addie said scrunching her nose at the man next to her.
"I'll talk to Luke or Nico today, maybe one of them can take the kids and we can have tonight." He kept looking back and forth from the road to his wife.
"Jack watch the road please." She clenched her jaw. There was traffic all around them, making her feel a bit nervous.
"What Ads? It's fine." Jack's eyes left the road again to look at his wife.
"Jack!"
Jack never saw the car until it was too late.
--
"Shit. Shit. Shit." Luke jumped out of bed. He scrambled to get ready for practice when the brain fog cleared and he saw it was after 10 am already.
He was so late. His alarms must not have gone off or something, because he was never late for practice. And here he was going to be late for the first time in forever.
Luke chose to forgo his usual morning routine and caffeinated beverage, thinking it might give a chance to get to the practice facility faster.
He was almost there when the traffic started to picked up. There must have been an accident. All sorts of emergency vehicles were surrounding the area.
As Luke got closer to the heart of the situation he noticed a two crumpled up cars. A silver one and a very familiar looking green one.
Luke got a good long look at the wreck as he passed it. Two white sheets littered the ground, the car accident must have been that bad that people died.
That's why there was so much commotion.
He felt bad for the family that was going learn the news that they lost people they loved. Little did he know his phone was blowing up at the moment, messages and phone calls from his parents and brother, family members, teammates, and close friends with that specific news.
The now super late hockey player got to his destination only an hour later than he was supposed to be there. He thought it was a bit odd how the normally packed parking garage was near empty. Where was everyone?
"Luke what are you doing here?" Nico frowned at the defensemen who was trying to get ice ready as fast as he could.
"I know I'm late. I didn't set my alarm and then there was some big accident. I'll do extra of whatever you want. I'm sorry." Luke finishing up lacing his skates up. If he had been looking at Nico eye's went wide at the mention of the accident.
"Practice was cancelled a couple of hours ago."
"Why would they do that we have a game tomorrow?"
"The league is thinking of postponing it"
"Why?" he stopped what he was doing to look up at his captain. There was a feeling in the room, there was something seriously wrong.
Luke finally glanced around the empty locker room, it held the same odd feeling that the lot had.
"Um. Have you looked at your phone lately?" The older man scratched the back of his head nervously.
Luke furrowed his brows at the question. No, he hadn't looked at his phone, he had been a little busy trying to get there as quickly as he could, the action didn't feel necessary at the time.
But now a bad sinking feeling was telling him that maybe he should.
He had a total of 19 missed calls from him Mom, Dad, and Quinn alone. Not to mention the other various voicemails that completely filled the digital voicemail box was completely filled. On top of that there were over a hundred txt messages from a variety of people.
There was even a message from Jack, a simple heart emoji followed by an 'i luv ya bro,' that was timestamped hours before everything else.
"Nico, what's going on?" His voice hitched after he read a txt from Trevor that read 'i just heard about j. i'm so sorry.' When Luke looked up from the device he took note that Nico was now accompanied by their new coach and a few devils' personal.
"Luke you should call your parents back" The captain picked at the skin around his fingers.
"No just tell me. What's going on?" He thumbed through his device trying to decipher the
"Let's take this somewhere a little more private. Yeah?" The group of higher ups attempted to usher then to a different room a little more quiet and appropriate to have this conversation. Luke shook them off, wanting them to just spit it out.
"Say it Nico" Luke shook them off. He wanted Nico to just spit it out. He was tired of this go around and the hesitation
Nico sighed heavily. He didn't want to be the one to tell his friend the news, it would be better if it were coming from a family member, but they were all on there way to New Jersey at moment. So he had to do his best.
"There was an accident" Nico began to say. Luke felt his heart beat faster, and a pit forming in his stomach as he realized what Nico was telling him. Maybe this would have been better coming from his mom or dad, hell even Quinn.
"Jack and Addie were in the car-" Nico continued. That green car that look familiar. Jack had a green car.
"No no no no no no no." He covered his ears in an attempted to block out what Nico was telling him. This wasn't happening.
"they didn't make it." Nico finished. He put his hand on Luke's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. The kind gesture didn't help anyeay as Luke grabbed the nearest garbage pail and emptied the contents of his stomach in it.
It was true. It couldn't be true. Jack wasn't dead. This was all just some sort of prank, a sick joke. Jack was going to walk around the corner and say sike.
He need to get out of there. Anywhere but there. He had this pain in chest, and it was hard to breath anytime he thought of his brother.
He got in his car and drove without a destination in mind. He drove and drove until he found himself in a deserted mall parking lot, not another car or person in sight.
Luke sat in his perfectly fine car and screamed. There wasn't anyone around, so no one would be able to judge him. Not that he cared. He needed to get his emotions out.
Why Jack? Why couldn't have been him? If only he had been on time today, maybe it would have been him in that accident and Jack would still be alive.
He had been receiving texts all day. Luke ignored all of them. A few people called, he ignored those too. Ellen had been calling him at least once every hour, but he still refused to talk to her.
There was one number that had been persistently calling him, even more than his mother had. Maybe she had gotten a hold of a phone and was calling from that. He didn't know, but he finally decided to answer the call.
"Hello, this is Kiya over at Happy Times nursery, am I speaking to Luke?" The very peppy and friendly lady ask.
"Yeah, I've been a little busy, what is this pertaining too?" He mumbled his reply confirming it was him.
"Good, good. We've been trying to reach Jack or Addie for a couple of hours now seein that it is well past pick up time for Lucy and Felix. We were just wondering if someone was on their way to retrieve them. They are our last kids for the night and we would like to go home."
Shit
Let me know what you guys think!
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roguerambles · 2 days
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A Moment of Respite
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Blood of Zeus - Heron x Hera's!Daughter Reader
Warnings - 18+Only.
I've had this sitting in my drafts for ages and I want to get it out before I try any Season 2 stuff. Plus I just like the idea of these two, okay--
Kind of a Part 4 to Trouble.
Enjoy the Rambles!
-
Training was not going well.
You cringed as Heron flew across the arena, crashing into the sands with a pained groan. The automaton returned to its standing position dispassionately, and beside you Zeus sighed heavily.
It had been days since Mother had left Olympus, taking some of the other Gods of Olympus with her to the Underworld. Hades had apparently allowed them sanctuary, although he declared he would be taking no further involvement than that.
...your wrist ached as the memory of Mother’s hand grasping you, Hera and Zeus’s raised voices, Mother’s betrayed expression melting into a fury you had never had directed at you before flashed across your mind.
You had chosen to stay on Olympus, and Mother and Ares had left, others at their heels.
“Zeus.” Hephaestus spoke from behind you, his voice low and gruff. “This isn’t working.”
Zeus’s jaw clenched as Heron went hurtling across the arena once more, kicking up a dust cloud of sand as he crashed into the ground with a loud, painful sounding thump. “He needs to unlock his potential.” His large hands gripped the stonework of the balcony in front of him. “Soon.”
You were not much of a warrior, but you were fairly certain that if Hephaestus’s contraptions broke every bone in Heron’s body, that would be rather counterproductive to improving Heron’s combat efficiency.
As Zeus and Hephaestus continued to bicker in hushed voices, you felt a warm presence appear at your side. Apollo sighed as he leaned against the balcony, peering down into the training ground where Heron stumbled to his feet once more.
“He doesn’t give up, at least.”
“Is this really the best approach?” You nervously played with your hands as you watched Heron get up and be knocked down, over and over.
Apollo shrugged. “Athena is too busy preparing the defences, and Ares is with Hera. We don’t have a lot of options, training wise.”
You both continued to watch for a while, and you could feel your stomach sinking the longer it went on. Heron barely glanced your way.
You had not spoken since the night Mother had left, but the memory of Heron shocked expression as he looked at you – really looked at you – and the blind panic it had created in you made your stomach churn. You had fled to your room and would probably still be there if Hermes hadn’t forced you out.
“You should say hello.”
Your head snapped around to stare at Apollo, you was still looking out over the balcony. “I should what?”
“You should go over and talk to him.” Apollo replied casually, as though he were suggesting something completely normal. “The staring is getting a little old.”
“I am not—I am not staring.”
“Heron!” Apollo called out abruptly, loudly, and to your horror Heron actually looked up towards you. “Would you like some water? We have plenty over here—”
You turned to flee somewhere far, far away, only for Hermes – where in Tartarus did he come from – to appear, blocking your way with a small, but noticeable smile.
Traitor!
Zeus sounded displeased. “Interruptions are not—”
Apollo grabbed his father’s arm and began tugging him towards the stairs, so suddenly Zeus stumbled. “You are correct, Father, we should check the equipment on the other side of the arena—”
Zeus looked confused as Hermes joined Apollo in practically dragging the King down the stairs. Hephaestus rolled his eyes and stalked towards the automaton, muttering something about “those bloody sons of Zeus”. You were rooted to the stop as Heron slowly approached, his head low, as though he were struggling to meet your eye.
Your heart clenched as Heron busied himself gathering water, taking somewhat longer than was required for the task. The silence was so dense you felt it were almost choking you. You scrambled for something, anything, to say, but your mind was a void of disjointed words. I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you. I couldn’t tell you. Please don’t be angry. I’m sorry for Electra, I’m so—
“…you’re short.”
You were yanked from your frazzled thoughts when Heron finally said something. You looked at him in confusion, while Heron cringed, looking frustrated with himself. “I…pardon?”
“I just mean….” Heron rubbed the back of his neck, looking anywhere but directly at you. “You…the others are….you look different. Not bad, you’re beautiful, I just mean—”
“Oh. Oh! Right, yes, well, I wasn’t born like the rest of them. Mother—she made me out of clay.” Heron lifted his head to stare at you blankly. You felt your cheeks burn. “It is…unusual, I know.”
“…I’m sorry, was that rude—”
“No, no, not at all, you should hear how Apollo and Artemis were born—”
Silence fell over you again as you both fumbled over your words. You were torn between fleeing the arena altogether and staying exactly where you were because awkward or not you and Heron were talking. Over his shoulder you could see Zeus and Hephaestus by the automaton, and knew Heron would be pulled away soon. You inhaled deeply, steeling your nerves. I am the Queen of the Heavens daughter, by the Fates, act like it. “Heron….I am so sorry. About…about your mother.”
Heron looked pained, his fingers clenching around the waterskin in his hand. “…it was Hera, wasn’t it?”
It wasn’t a question, and you both knew it. You bowed your head, yours eyes beginning to sting. Do not cry. This isn’t about you.
“…yes.” You forced out, your throat feeling thick. “Heron���Heron, I know it’s not enough, but I’m sorry—”
“Why?” Heron cleared his throat, tossing the waterskin down. “It’s not your fault. You weren’t even there.”
“But….” You bit your lip. “Mother…I mean… Hera is—”
“Your mother, I know.” Heron wasn’t quite looking at you again, but he didn’t sound angry. Grief clung to his voice, and you fought the impulse to reach for his hand. “And Zeus is my…father. That alone made mother and I targets for Hera’s wrath. You had nothing to do with it.”
“Heron—”
Heron started to laugh.
You faltered, and watched as Heron hurriedly clamped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide as though startled by his own reaction. “I…I am sorry.” He choked out, eyes wide even as you caught glimpse of a mirthful smile behind his fingers. “Please…please continue…”
Your anxiety was briefly overpowered by confusion. “What…what is so amusing…?”
Heron’s shoulders began to shake. “I…I assumed your parents would disapprove of me.” He said, and the words seemed to break something in him. He doubled over, grasping his knees, eyes squeezing shut as he began to laugh even harder. “Now…now it turns out your mother is Hera. And…and I am the bastard son of her philandering husband….!”
You stared owlishly at him as his laugh grew louder – you could see Zeus and Hephaestus watching from the side-lines, their expressions suggesting concern that the automaton had hit Heron harder than they had feared.
“That’s…well yes, that is….Heron….Heron, it’s not funny!”
Heron tried to reply, but it came out as a wheeze. “I…gods…I had no idea…!”
You could feel a smile beginning to creep onto your face and tried to squash it, but Heron’s laughter was infectious, and was the most happy you’d seen him in…well, a while. “Well…no, I suppose…I suppose you are not what my mother would consider an ideal suitor…”
That brought on another wave of near hysterical laughter, and you found yourself giggling along with Heron, until you were both cackling like lunatics in the middle of the arena. You slumped against Heron’s shoulder, clamping a hand over your mouth as you saw Zeus heading towards you both.
“…if you are both finished?” He asked dryly, his eyebrows raised. Heron’s laughter stuttered to a stop, but he didn’t move away from you, the feeling of his body against yours leaving warmth against your skin.
You reluctantly straightened up, brushing away non-existent creases in your dress. “I suppose….” You gestured wordless at the arena. Zeus eyed you cautiously, before clearing his throat and turning back towards the automaton, as though he were examining it. Heron rolled his eyes slightly as you bit down a chuckle – you supposed he was trying to give you both a moment.
“Wish me luck.” Heron gripped his sword, his free hand rising to sheepishly rub his neck. “I think I’ll need a fair share of it…”
You laughed slightly, reaching out to gently pat his arm. He smiled in response, before sighing and trudging after Zeus.
“I think that went well.” Hermes said cheerfully from behind you. You nearly jumped out of your skin. “Don’t you think that went well, Apollo?”
“Indeed!” The Sun God chirped, appearing at your side. “See? All is well that ends well.”
“You two do remember…” Artemis sighed from somewhere behind you – when did she get here? – “…the approaching civil war, yes?”
“Small victories, dearest sister.”
You flushed and turned to stride back towards the stands, while Hermes and Apollo snickered to themselves. Artemis rolled her eyes as you sat beside her, although a small, teasing smile began to tug at her mouth. “Although….I did notice he didn’t deny it when you described him as a suitor.”
“Artemis!”
You blushed furiously as the Goddess of the Hunt laughed, and your stubbornly kept your gaze ahead, focusing on Heron on the sands below, feeling just a little bit lighter than before.
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pensat-i-fet · 2 days
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His very own real princess (Pedri x Reader)
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**I'm back with another imagine! This one was requested many moons ago and the anon who sent it might have forgotten about it so sorry 😕 but I got the inspiration for it and so I wanted to share it! I'm not so used to writing short format anymore so I feel everything could be a series. Let me know if you'd like this concept to be one! ☺️ And enjoy! ❤️**
Word count: 3675
Masterlist
Wattpad
Being famous was not as great as people made it up to be. For Pedri, it meant leaving the house was too much sometimes. He had to deal with people following him and even getting in front of his car just to get his attention. He was asked to sign autographs and to take photos every couple of minutes. While he loved his fans, it could be a bit much. Especially when he could tell they were filming him so they could post the video on TikTok for a couple hundred likes. So, one day, he tried to avoid those people by going to a park. He could probably lose them there. There were so many trees and dogs that made it harder to move quickly around the area.
For you, it had been a bit different. Growing up your family wanted to keep you a secret almost. For security reasons…or so they said. So, naturally, you wanted to rebel against them and do the complete opposite. Still, it wasn’t until you turned 18 that you started to show up at official events. And now you were 20, you realised maybe your parents had been right all along. But you weren’t going to tell them that. Of course. So while some paparazzi were chasing you, you spotted a park and thought you could hide there for a bit. Maybe even call your chauffeur so he could pick you up and save you from the vultures.
“Oh! Sorry”.
Pedri turned to look at the girl who was apologising to him. You had bumped into each other and he hit you in the head with his shoulder without meaning to. He hadn’t even seen you there.
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. Are you alright?”
And then, it happened. You looked up to see his face and you couldn’t believe who it was that you were talking to.
“Oh my God…oh my God”, was all you could say.
“I take it you know who I am”.
“Yeah, who doesn’t?”
Pedri chuckled. “I guess there are some lucky folks out there who don’t. But really, are you ok?”
“Yes, it’s fine. Just more shocked to see you here than anything else”.
Pedri smiled at you and you were trying hard not to swoon. Being hidden from the public eye meant you hadn’t been around a lot of famous people before. Your second cousins were way more used to this and always told you famous people were just normal people. To them…not to you. To you, famous people were…fascinating.
“I was planning on hiding here for a bit”, you said.
“Me too, but I don’t want to ruin your plan so I could leave…”.
Pedri started to look around, getting ready to leave so you stopped him. “You don't know who I am so that makes you good company. Perfect company actually. So you can stay. Also, you got here first”.
“Should I know who you are?”
“I guess not”, you shrugged. Not everyone followed your family. Thankfully.
“Are you a singer?
“Babies cry when I sing”.
“Actress?”
“Nope”.
“Influencer”.
“I only influence how much money there is left in my dad's bank account”.
You thought it was really cute how he concentrated, trying to guess. “Then…a model?”
“No, but I appreciate the compliment”.
“What compliment?”
“If you think I could be a model, then you think I'm pretty”.
“Well”, he started. “I like to invite pretty girls to eat or have a drink so…which one is it going to be?”
“There is an ice cream ban there…if you dare approach it”.
It made you laugh how Pedri looked around the area, making sure no one who could know him was there and then he turned to look at you again.
“What flavour?”
“One ball of coffee and one of vanilla, please”.
“Sounds sophisticated”.
“I guess you’re getting closer to my identity”, you laughed.
“What are you? A princess?”
“Nah, the princesses are my cousins”.
Pedri laughed before going to the ban to get the ice cream. The funny thing about being part of the Royal family was that it was so weird that many thought you were joking when you said that. But you weren’t. Not many people knew your parents but they still were part of the family so…they got attention. And now, you got the attention too.
“Here is your ice cream, your Majesty”.
“Thank you, Golden boy”, you joked back.
“Does that make me royalty too?”
“I guess. Football royalty so less hated than real royalty”. “Less hated? You clearly aren’t on Twitter”.
No, you weren’t. No amount of therapy would heal you after reading what people wrote about you or your family there.
Sitting down on the grass and eating an ice cream while chatting with Pedri was something that healed your mood. It was so nice to be with someone who didn’t know who you were but that also understood how you felt. Even if he didn’t know it yet.
“There are a lot of kids and parents around now. I feel no one will even look at us while we leave”.
You looked around and agreed with his assessment. “Ok, where should we go?”
“I don’t know. Wanna go walk near the beach? It’s usually where I end up when I go out. It’s not often I do but it’s nice to go there”.
“I like the beach”.
“Where are you from?”
“Well…it’s a funny question that one”, you sighed.
“How so?” “I was born in The Netherlands, then lived in Madrid for a bit, went to school in Switzerland and Wales and now I’m back in Spain. I go to different cities all the time. I like travelling”.
“Wow, that’s a lot. Was it a boarding school you went to?”
“Yeah”.
“Maybe you are a princess after all”.
You giggled and looked down to hide your blush. Yes, your life sounded very much like that of a princess. Even if about 40 family members needed to die for you to become one for real.
“I love this”, you said, looking around and feeling so…normal.
“Yeah? That’s good”.
Pedri smiled at you and you realised maybe it wasn’t so normal what was going on. Sure, you were on a walk like a normal person but you were walking with a very famous footballer. That didn’t happen every day. At least not to you.
“And I see pizza there. Do you want a slice?”
“I probably shouldn’t…”.
“But Pedri! Today everything is possible! You’re not a football player but just Pedro from Tenerife. And I’m not a princess”.
“What are you then?”, he asked, smirking.
“I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy…asking him to get some pizza”.
The excitement of the crazy afternoon made you lose a bit of the control you usually had and you grabbed Pedri’s arm to take him to the pizza ban. It wasn’t like holding hands but…once the physical contact started, you were both very aware of it. But pretended it was all normal.
After buying the pizza slices, you didn’t wait a second to start eating. You were so hungry and it wasn’t often you got to eat greasy pizza with your hands.
“That burns!”, you complained, opening your mouth and using your hand as a fan.
“Maybe wait a little to eat”.
“I was hungry”, you pouted and that made Pedri stare at your lips.
“You got some sauce on your mouth”.
“I think I have a mirror on my bag…”.
But before you had time to find it, Pedri used one of his napkins to clean your face. When you looked up at him, you noticed he seemed to have done that without even realising.
“Sorry”.
“No, don’t be. Thank you for not letting me look dirty while we walked”.
“Princesses have to always look perfect”.
“Exactly”, you told him, laughing.
But good things had to come to an end and soon Pedri started to notice people looking at him. That meant it was time to go home.
“I’m sorry. It just…that’s my life”.
“I get it”, you told him, wanting to explain to him how much you actually got it. “It was fun to spend some time with you though”.
“Would you like to do it again?”
“I would. But maybe somewhere more private”.
“Do you have Instagram? So you can follow me and we can talk about meeting”.
That made you pause. You had an official account controlled by people hired by your family but also a private one. So maybe you could use that one to follow him.
“Yeah. I’ll follow you later and send you a message”.
“Cool. See you…soon?”
You nodded, not knowing what to do. Should you hug him? But then all the people ready to surround him showed you that no, a hug wouldn’t be a good idea. So you said goodbye and left.
Pedri was entering the dressing room a couple of days after you met, not really looking at his teammates but at his phone. You two had been texting ever since you separated. And he was constantly checking to see if you had sent him a new message.
“Hello, your Majesty”, said one of Pedri’s teammates and it took him a second to notice he was looking at him.
“Sorry?”
“I just said hi to your Majesty. Would you like us to find a throne for you to sit on?”
“What are you on about?”
“Haven't seen the cover of the magazine yet?”, asked Frenkie.
“I haven't done any covers lately…”.
“The gossip magazine”, pointed out Lamine. “It’s all everyone is talking about”.
“I don’t get it. I haven’t done anything to be in one of those magazines”.
“How about going out with a pretty girl the other day? Paparazzi are everywhere. You should know that by now”.
So people had seen him when he was hanging out with you. Great. You didn’t seem like someone who’d enjoy the attention. But why make such a big deal out of him being seen with someone unknown?
“You also chose the wrong girl to date”.
“I’m not dating her but she's just a normal girl…”.
“Who's related to the Royal family. And here we were worrying about Gavi being the one who could become king”.
“I would have made a great king”, said Gavi, raising his chin proudly.
“You would have made a terrible king”, told him Fermín, shaking his head.
“What do you mean Royal family?”
Pedri was about to start freaking out. You joked about being a princess but…was it not a joke? What? He knew the princesses! Leonor, Sofía, Victoria, …none of them were you. So what the heck was going on?
“She’s like a second or third cousin of the real princesses but the media has been trying to find out everything about her in the last few years”, explained Pau.
“How do you know so much about that?”
“My mum loves the Royals. I live with her and she talks about it”, shrugged the youngster.
The jokes continued but Pedri didn’t care. He just kept thinking about how you had lied to him. And he got it in a way. It couldn’t be easy to be in your position but…you had spent two days talking to each other about a lot of personal stuff. Didn’t you trust him enough to tell him the truth?
When he finished training and picked up his phone again, he saw a text from you saying “I’m sorry”. A part of him wanted to ignore it but you didn’t deserve that kind of treatment despite your lies. So he asked you to meet instead. But you were in Madrid for a couple of days so it’d have to wait. You apologized multiple times and Pedri told you it was ok but…you weren’t so sure.
“What’s wrong?”, asked your cousin Sofía, who was a real princess.
“You saw the magazines, right?”
“Yes. Wanna talk about it?”
“I…we bumped into each other randomly and it was so good to meet someone who didn’t know who I was. You get it, Sof. If someone gets it, it’ll be you”.
“I do. Is he mad at you for lying?”
“Not really”, you said, frowning. “I expected him to be but he seems to understand why I lied. He also gets it”.
“I bet he does. So, what are you going to do?”
“We’ll meet when I get back to Barcelona in a few days”.
Sofía laughed looking at you. “That smile…someone is smitten!”
“How could I not be? Have you seen him? And he’s super nice too, not just handsome. But I fear I’ve ruined it”.
“Don’t be so negative. Let’s just get ready for the match and forget about your Barça boy for a couple of hours”.
It wasn’t a secret that the king of Spain supported Atlético de Madrid and a lot of people suspected his daughter Sofía did as well. However, it was very hard for her to attend matches without people noticing but she had become a bit of a pro at it. And now she was taking you to the match too.
The match was fun and Atleti won so Sofía was very happy. And you didn’t get spotted by anyone…or so you thought.
“Pepi!”, called Ferran when Pedri was entering the dressing room in the morning.
“What?”
“Your princess is a traitor, she doesn't even support you”.
“What are you talking about?”
“She was at the Atleti match yesterday with Princess Sofía. But I bet you can turn her into a Barça fan”.
Ferran’s wink didn’t stop Pedri from feeling so weird about this whole situation. Or more like jealous. What if you had your eye on an Atleti player?
But he could only stare at the photos in the article. After your meeting, he had only the memory of how you looked that day. Your private Instagram only had a handful of photos and a few were of your dogs. The official Instagram only had a few official photos and…even though that was you too, it wasn’t the you Pedri knew. The girl in the photos from the Atleti match was you. Laughing with your cousin and looking so happy.
The article…he didn’t like as much. After the photos of what the press called “a date” were published, they just assumed you were seeing Pedri. So what were you doing watching a rival team? It wasn’t as if you went to see a Real Madrid match, God forbid. But still…shouldn’t you be supporting “your boyfriend”?
“Hi”.
A few days later, you were back in Barcelona and Pedri invited you to have lunch with him. Finding a place where no one would see you was hard, but your family knew a few tricks to achieve that.
“Hey. It’s good to see you again”.
This time, you did hug as a greeting. Even if you had spoken only via texts, it still felt like you knew each other so well now. So a hug seemed like the right thing to do.
“I’m sorry about everything that happened. I just…I don’t know, Pedri. Being with you made me forget who I was for a second and I didn’t think about how this could affect you”.
“It’s ok. You know I get it. It’s the same for me. My every move is overanalysed. Though I guess being a princess is a bit more important”.
“Not this again”, you shook your head, laughing. “I’m not a princess. I’m a nobody, really. But the press was waiting for a moment like this. A scandal or whatever”.
“Eating pizza in public is very scandalous. I don’t know how your reputation will recover”.
You laughed at Pedri’s joke but also remembered what you had been told. “It’s not so much what I did but who I did it with”.
“Oh…ok”.
When the photos were published, your parents talked to you about all the reasons why you should stay away from Pedri. Before you even had time to say nothing was going on…at least not yet.
“It’s stupid. I told you I’m a nobody. But family connections dictate this or that…I don’t want to date a politician or another royal just because it’s what I’m supposed to do. I don’t have it as bad as my cousins. You know, the real princesses. But still…it’s boring. I want to be able to make my own decisions”.
“You don’t want to date a politician…but would you like to date me?”
Being so annoyed with your family and their restrictions, you didn’t realise Pedri wasn’t stupid and could easily read between the lines.
“You’re better than a politician so…”.
“Look”, said Pedri, grabbing your hand to hold it. “No relationship was going to be easy for me. I knew that. So…this doesn’t scare me”.
“Really? I was actually worried it would”.
“I could see it in your face”.
“Can you read minds now? Is that how you know where to shoot the ball?”
“No, that’s because I’m a generational talent”, joked Pedri, making you laugh. “But I mean it. I’m not scared. Are you?”
“Not as much as I probably should”.
“But…are you an Atleti fan? These are the important conversations we need to have before trying to date”.
“That’s my cousin. I don’t really have a team. So I might let you convince me to become a Barça fan. I already support Spain so…”.
“Even against The Netherlands?”, he asked. Your mum was Dutch so it was a fair question.
“Only if you play for Spain that day”.
And so you both forgot about what people would say, what people would demand from each of you and started to date. There was no need to hide since there were photos of your first date online already. Even if back then you didn’t want to admit it was a date.
Being together compensated for any comments or insults…but Pedri was starting to get a bit tired of his teammates curtsying in front of him and calling him Majesty. They did it with you too, which only made you laugh.
“I told you, guys. I’m not a princess”.
“No. Not officially”, told you Pedri. “But you are my very own princess. My queen even”.
Your blush made everyone laughed. It was so obvious to everyone how in love you both were.
However, the media was going to try to find anything that could make it sound like your lovely love story wasn’t so lovely.
Something your family always had to do was attend charity events. It was probably one of the few things you liked doing, since many of those events raised money for great causes. So when you were invited to one to raise money for cancer research, you said yes immediately. It being organised by the Atlético de Madrid foundation didn’t matter to you. But for the press…it was a different story.
“Hi, it’s nice meeting you”.
You turned to see it was Álvaro Morata, the player who presided the event, saying hello to you.
“Thank you, it’s nice meeting you too”.
“I heard about you and Pedri…sorry if it’s too informal of me to say this”. “It’s ok, don’t worry”.
“So…you two are really together?”
“Yes”, you said, blushing.
“Good. He’s a good guy. I’ll see you around the Spain matches then”.
“You will”.
Other players were there too and you were introduced to all of them. Mario Hermoso, Marcos Llorente, …they were all very nice to you. But it was a younger player you had to sit next to at your table. One that you hadn’t met before but that introduced himself as Rodrigo Riquelme. However, that wasn’t what his teammates called him.
“Should I call you Rodrigo or Roro?”
“I feel I can’t ask someone of your station to call me such a nickname”.
You laughed seeing the Atleti player blushing. “I don’t mind. I’m not really that important”.
“You are the most important person here”.
“Depends on who you asked”, you shrugged.
It was lovely having someone young to chat with at such an event. You were usually surrounded by old politicians and entrepreneurs who bored you to death with their conversations. So you had a great time…Pedri didn’t have as much fun seeing all the posts on social media talking about how his girlfriend was being too friendly with another player.
He knew it was stupid. You were just chatting with Riquelme. Pedri knew you now and realised that was how you talked to his friends too. That was how you talked to Ferran, for example. It was nothing like how you talked to Pedri.
But still…it wasn’t nice to see so many people doubting your relationship. And, what was worse, insulting you.
“You look unhappy”, you said when you met him again in Barcelona. “Is it because of the articles? Nothing happened with Riquelme. I swear”.
“I know”, he sighed, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your forehead. “I just hate how people will try to find any excuse to try and hurt us”.
“We knew it was going to happen…”.
“It’s not nice anyway”.
“But we’re fine?”, you asked, worried.
“We’re fine. I missed you a lot”.
“I know. I missed you too”.
Knowing Pedri trusted you was so important and you felt you needed to prove you were worth that trust. So, even though you knew you were likely to get in trouble, you forgot about protocol and attended his match wearing his shirt.
It wasn’t even the most important match but when it ended, you went as close to the pitch as you could and called Pedri so he could go meet you. Every one of his teammates that walked past curtsied and called you two “your Majesties”. But you didn’t care. You looked around, noticing the cameras were all pointed at you, and kissed Pedri.
“Making sure everyone knows you’re just my princess?”, he whispered.
“Yes. And while we’re at it, everyone can also learn you’re my prince”.
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Orange Blossoms
Pairing: Buck x Reader
Word count: 5.2
Notes: WOW I can’t believe I have like nothing to say for notes like usually I can’t shut up here okay. Anyway I’m working on that other secret series that I’m really not sure I’m even gonna publish but I kinda want to move to marvel again who KNOWS
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Chapter 2: Backpack, Backpack
Buck changes his screensaver immediately.
 Back to just a photo of all of them, because if Bobby sees that he’d probably skin him alive. He’d already all but threatened him to stay away from you. In a sweet, loving, dad-type way. 
“You go anywhere near her and I kill you” 
Okay, maybe he did threaten him. 
But it was probably just a joke, Buck would be the perfect son-in-law!
“It wasn’t a joke” 
How does Eddie always know what he’s thinking? 
“Does this mean I really have to stay away from her… because I can’t do that Eddie? I’m in love” 
They’re standing together holding a hose, it’s a pretty routine fire thank god it hasn’t gotten too big. Eddie moves over to the side and Buck follows him 
“First of all, you’re not in love, you’re infatuated. You’re not a Disney princess Buck, as much as you’d like to believe you are. It takes time to fall in love.” 
“It takes time to fall in love” Buck mocks him in a high-pitched voice, Eddie snickers knowing he’s absolutely right 
“What’s your second point, jerk.”
“Second of all, she’s Bobby’s niece. And he said to stay away from her” 
“Okay, but she's Athena’s niece!!”
“They’re married? And she calls him Uncle Bobby. Are you really getting all technical on my ass!” 
“I am giving the future Mrs. Y/N Buckley all the respect she deserves!” 
Eddie stops fully, turning to look at his delusional best friend. He doesn’t usually give em his last name. He must really be down bad for you 
“We really… need to talk about how you plan your entire life with someone after knowing them for all of six seconds” 
Buck gives him an incredulous look, like Eddie had never done that before. He kicks at him to turn back around. 
“I can hear the bells” Buck sings “well, do n'tcha hear em chime? Can't you feel my heartbeat keeping perfect time?” 
Eddie’s head falls back as he bursts out laughing, he nearly drops the hose as Buck sings the entire damn song in a silly voice, dramatically acting it out. 
He’s humming it all the way back to the station, he gets weird looks from everyone but he’s in too good of a mood to care. They tease him and try to get a rise out of him but he just shakes his head 
“Nothing you say will ever dampen my spirits, you're all just haters!” He sticks his tongue out at them 
“You’re usually this happy when you’ve got a date… so who is she?”Chim asks from the front seat and Buck stalls a little 
“Uh- no! No, it’s not a date it’s just… uh”
“Buck is talking to my cousin Alicia!” Eddie shrugs, as nonchalantly as possible “Yeah Alicia, he was Insta-stalking her so I just you know told him to…go for it”
“Long distance? That doesn’t sound like you” Bobby narrows his eyes and Buck looks at Eddie frantically 
“She’s coming here! Soon! To visit!” 
“Oh, that’ll be nice!” Bobby seems happy about that and Eddie immediately gets on his phone…he needs to send a text. 
Buck hears the rumble of your engine before he sees you and he’s already sneaking out to come greet you. Eddie notices him being shady and not finishing restocking the engine, so he follows him. 
Buck looks like he’s in dreamland, he watches you park your bike and take off your helmet, shaking out your long pink hair. The sun is shining just for you today he’s sure, the rays illuminating your glowing skin. And boy are you showing quite a bit of it. Your shorts are so tiny Buck isn’t even sure you’re wearing any underneath the sweatshirt you use for riding. You pull that off too and lay it across your seat. His eyes are glued to the orange cropped tank top and how cute it looks with your light blue shorts. He wonders if it’s difficult to drive with all your shoes, the white platform sneakers give you a little extra height but he still towers over you and that’s the way he likes it. 
“Hey, wifey,” Buck says sweetly, his voice soft and breathy. Eddie’s mouth drops open as he walks up to you both and Buck snaps out of it, his eyes wide as saucers as he puts his hands up
“No, god, no I mean… uh… hey wiffle ball??” 
“What” Eddie says under his breath, looking at Buck like he’s crazy. You bite your lip and shake your head trying to control your giggles as the boys lead you inside the station 
“Hey, volleyball?” 
“That’s… that’s not even the same category,” Eddie says, his face scrunched up as he puts his hands in his pockets 
“And you can do better?” You sass him, your hands on your hips. 
“Uh yeah. Pickle ball? Cricket? Dare I say, baseball?” 
“Wait, why cricket?” Buck asks 
“Because there’s a ball and a bat are you guys actually criticizing my thinking skills” 
“I’m just saying it’s kinda out there” You poke at him 
“Yeah, what are we? British?” Buck scoffs and you giggle when Eddie kicks your shoe and flicks Bucks's arm in pure annoyance 
“Why are you even here?” He says through gritted teeth playfully and you laugh, side-bumping him.
“Athena asked me to deliver some paperwork Bobby forgot to fill out” 
“Oh doesn’t she usually do that?” Buck tilts his head and wow he looks cute when he does that. You blush a little and look at your shoes for a second 
“Yeah, but she said I might have more fun” 
“Uh I walked in on them last time” Eddie gags “I don’t think you’ll have more fun”
“I mean she could, I know a great closet” 
Buck just says it, it’s a good joke, a great joke. Your mouth falls open and Eddie slaps his hand over his mouth gleefully 
“Oh my god” 
Buck looks confused for a second “Wha…” His eyes widen and he puts his hands out “Wait no! No, I was kidding! Well, I mean if you-“ He smirks, running his hand through his hair 
“Buck!” Eddie shouts 
You’re all out laughing now as Buck turns a wonderful shade of red 
“I just- I mean it’s not off limits you know it- guys shut up!!! It was a joke!” 
“What was a joke?” Bobby comes over, confused as to why you’re here and why Buck is trying to find the nearest ax 
“Pickleball” Eddie blurts out and you nearly keel over, wheezing. His excuses were not his best today. 
“We uh we gotta go” Eddie grabs Buck, who is holding his head in his hands whining loudly, and drags him away 
“Bye Y/N! See you later!”
Bobby watches them run away, his eyebrow raised 
“You’re not talking to either of them are you?” He asks and you roll your eyes and wipe at the little tears 
“No… we’re just friends Bobby. And they’re nice! I like hanging out with them”
“You’ve gone out with them?” He crosses his arms over his chest and you blush lightly 
“Uh… yeah? J- just to hang out and get to know them. I don’t have any friends in L.A Bobby you know that”
“You have May! She’s a great girl! She can introduce you to all of her friends”
“Bobby, we barely know each other anymore. We haven’t done anything together since we were literal children. And you know, whilst she has offered to take me out next weekend and introduce me to her friends, she and I have already decided that I’m not sticking around that friend group unless it’s an occasional hangout. Those are her friends and her life. So until she and I get closer…neither of us are letting you and Athena force us together.”
Bobby looks at you, struggling for words. He puts his hands on his hips sassily
“You know. You two don’t have to make that much sense. Just- I love Buck and Eddie don’t get me wrong. They’re my kids! But promise me you’ll be careful. Because if someone asked me who I would let my kid date from the team I would absolutely say none of these people” 
You giggle and hand him the papers from Athena, standing on your toes you kiss his cheek and wave goodbye 
“I promise I’ll be careful! We’re all just friends!” 
You walk back outside, a little skip in your step as you walk up to your bike. Buck and Eddie are standing next to it 
“You wanna sit on it?” You call you and Buck fist pumps, eagerly climbing on 
“I was hoping you’d say that!” 
You strut over and stand in front of them as Buck leans forward, pretending to be driving. He makes little car noises and you laugh, your hands behind your back 
“Having fun?” You muse and he sits up 
“Uh- yes. What kind of question is that” he scoffs and you roll your eyes 
“You wanna take her for a spin?” You ask coyly and Buck’s mouth drops open 
“Wait seriously? You’d let me?” 
“Of course, I would! I trust you” 
He starts it up, groaning as it purrs for him. He pats the handlebars and you hand him your helmet 
“Hey,, Buck?” Eddie pokes at his shoulder and he looks up
“Yes, bestie”
“We’re literally in the middle of a shift” 
“I’m sorry I can’t understand your accent. It’s too Texasy” 
“I literally don’t-“
“Buck! Get off that thing! You’re at work” Bobby yells at him from the bay doors and he groans loudly, getting off and handing you back your helmet. You take it from him, giggling and shaking your head 
“Maybe some other time… like this weekend or something! Afterwards, we go bowling with Eddie!” 
Eddie looks between the two of you “We’re going bowling?” 
Bucks behind you, signaling him frantically to say no.
“Yeah! Didn’t Buck ask you?” 
Buck clasps his hands together silently begging Eddie
“Ohhh… uh.. yeah! Yeah, I just totally forgot. Um yeah, I can go bowling this weekend!” 
Buck's mouth drops open and he mimes choking Eddie, you spin around and his hands drop to his sides as he smiles at you sweetly 
“Okay cool!! Well, I’ll see you guys this weekend!” You hop on your bike and Buck helps you put your helmet on. He shyly leans in and kisses the top of it 
“Uh- drive safe! Text me when you know you get wherever you’re going. If you want to that is I mean you don’t have to… you’ll probably text like Athena or Bobby or something yeah yeah you don’t have to text me it’s cool”
He steps back from the bike and you shake your head and he knows you’re laughing at him again. You make a little heart with your hands and wave goodbye to them before driving off.
Buck watches you drive off, your sweatshirt fluttering in the wind. He watches until he can’t see you anymore with his hands in his pockets he turns to Eddie 
“I’ll give you a five-second head start”
“Buck. That’s childish can you just-“
“Five”
“Buck, let me explain! When have I never not had a plan come on!”
“Four”
“Buck you can’t be alone with her yet you-“
“Three-two-one!” He shouts and dives for Eddie. Eddie screams and runs towards the station with Buck hot on his heels. He runs around the truck and dodges Hen with a spin 
“That’s cheating and you know it!!”
“Cheating my ass!”
“What on god's green earth are the two of you doing?!” Bobby calls down from the balcony 
“Nothing!” They yell in unison as they run around the station. 
“That doesn’t look like nothing”
“It’s a new training exercise! Just working on stamina!” Eddie yells back, yelping when he feels Buck’s hand brush his belt 
“That the lamest excuse you’ve ever come up with” Hen mumbles as they run past her again 
“Don’t be a snitch” Buck pants and she puts her hands in the air, staying out of their mess
Eventually, Buck corners him, and they’re in the sleeping quarters 
“I’m-“ Buck's hands are on his knees “I’m gonna kick your ass-“ He wheezes “when I can breathe again”
Eddie slumps down in the corner, letting his head fall against the cool wall
“Not if we die first” He pants heavily, running his hands through his hair 
Okay, maybe Buck didn’t think this thing through how is he supposed to kill Eddie if he passes out from lack of oxygen? They take a good six or so minutes to breathe normally again 
“I said yes so that way she could say she was going with both of us not just one of us and then I’d cancel or show up and just say my arm or like back or whatever was hurting so I could just sit back and keep score.”
Buck is laid out on the floor, he looks over at Eddie, his nose scrunched up 
“Wait, why didn’t you just say that?”
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Buck has been staring at the picture you sent him for the last 20 minutes. You’re standing in the full-length mirror at Athena’s house, a little peace sign. You texted him as soon as you got home and after that picture boy does he wish he was better friends with May, he knows she’d “invite” him over. 
He knows it’s just… a little pervy, the way he stares at your thighs in the full-length mirror. He thinks that’s his favorite physical thing about you. Your full, plush thighs, especially in those mini skirts you just love to wear. And these shorts you’re wearing are absolutely no exception. They hug your body like they were tailored to fit you. Actually, he’s pretty sure they are tailored. 
He sighs dreamily hitting the favorites button
“Is that Y/N” 
He jumps so far out of his seat that he fumbles with his phone before slamming it awkwardly into the table 
“Did you just break your phone?!” Hen stares at him 
“I sure as hell hope not! What uh what can I do for you? Need somethin? A smoothie? You want a smoothie I’m gonna make you a smoothie” he runs over to the fridge and starts pulling things out. Hen picks up his phone, looking it over, and thank god it’s not cracked. 
“You didn’t answer my question,” She says, taking his seat and holding out his phone to him. 
“Uh, what question?” He turns on the blender, miming that he can’t hear and Hen crosses her arms over her chest, giving him a look. He smiles sheepishly once it shuts off and pours her smoothie 
“Y-yeah that was her.” He unlocks his phone and hands it over with the smoothie 
“Damn”
“I know!!” Buck squeals he’d joked about proudly showing you off to his coworkers and now he’s actually doing it. 
“She’s a nice girl… Cap knows you’re texting her?” 
“No and neither do you” Buck goes over to his “secret cabinet” pulls out one of his good mini chocolate bars and hands it to Hen. She takes it from him, opens it up, and takes a bite out. She groans softly and her eyes roll back. He always keeps those fully locked up 
“Right?”
“Right.” Hen gives him a double thumbs up and grabs her smoothie
After making sure Hen is gonna stay quiet Buck goes downstairs, there’s literally nothing to do, he’s checked off his entire list and even did the end of Eddie’s. If he’s this bored… Hopefully, someone else is.
“Hello?” You answer on the third ring and he gulps and then clears his throat 
“Uh hey! Hey Y/N it’s me, Buck” 
“I know” you giggle “What’s up?” 
“Oh…nothin just wanted to see if you were busy or anything…kinda boring around here”
“Did you call me just to talk?” You ask and his cheeks flush. Because yeah but like that sounds lame he could have just texted you. 
“…Maybe?” His voice is hesitant and cracks a little. Oh my god why was that happening so freaking much 
“That’s really cute” You laugh and he hears you rustling around for a minute. “Athena is sending me back out on an errand run with May… but we can text! If you wanted” 
“Yeah no! No texting is fine! I should have probably asked if you were busy first… I’m yeah no I’m sorry we can text”
“No it’s okay, I…like hearing your voice” You mutter shyly and he can hear May snickering in the background. His cheeks flush and he bites his lip 
“You do?” 
“Y-yeah I do” 
“Well good… I like hearing yours too, like, a lot” He admits, his heart is pounding in his chest 
“I have to go but, call me back tonight okay? Like…around midnight? When um-“
“When Bobby is asleep?” He says mischievously and it’s your turn to blush 
“Yeah… will you?” He can hear the hesitancy in your voice and it makes him weak, he just wants to kiss you breathless so badly. 
“It’s a date. I’ll talk to you later doll” 
“You better text me too, Bye Evan”
He hears May teasing you as you curse at her and hang up, he holds his phone to his chest, wilting into his seat and sighing sweetly. Midnight can’t come fast enough. 
The rest of the day drags and not just because he’s waiting to get off but because there’s literally nothing to do, which is the most surprising part. Really he supposes he should be glad nothing is happening, that means people are safe… besides 
It just gives him more time to talk to you. 
And boy does he, he starts slow with his memes, you have to kinda ease people into your insanity. But the second you send an Optimus Prime thirst trap on TikTok all decency and manners fly out the window and you’re both trying to send each other the worst things you’ve ever seen 
He’s falling faster and faster for you. Just call him Princess Buck. 
“What are you laughing at?” Eddie comes over, lifting Bucks legs up and plopping on the couch with him
“Um…nothin” he mumbles, distracted as he laughs into his fist at the Nick Fox thirst trap he’s sending you “don’t worry I’ve been sending them to you too”
“I already regret being your friend. Who else did you send them to?” He toys with Buck’s pant leg 
“Um… Y/N we’re just…talking” 
Eddie hears the click of a camera and he frowns, looking at Buck who shrugs and doesn’t look away from his phone 
“We’re also snapping” 
“Snapping? You sound like a teenager” He chuckles but puts his feet up on the coffee table and scrolls through his phone too 
“Teens use Instagram nowadays, old ass man. I asked for her snap just to see pictures of her, I just- god hold on” 
He pulls up the picture from earlier and hands his phone over. Eddie lets out a low whistle and Buck wriggles on the couch 
“God I know right! I don’t care if she suffocates me, I’d die happily” He says and Eddie laughs at him, his head falling back on the couch 
“Yeah. You know a closet” 
Buck groans and slaps his hands over his face 
“I can’t believe I said that to her” 
“She thought it was funny” 
“Okay but low-key? I wish she would have like said bet or something”
“I’m pretty sure you would have passed out” 
“Oh I know I would have and she could have given me mouth to mouth”
Eddie rolls his eyes, laughing at Buck again 
“You’ve got it bad my man” 
“Oh you have no damn idea” 
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It’s around 10pm when a call comes in, and Buck is always too distracted by the voice message you sent him to get his stuff on. Eddie swipes the phone from his hands and glares at him, He blushes and gets his stuff on almost faster than he ever has and snatches it back, patting Eddie on the cheek before they load into the truck 
“Apparently a bonfire in a kids backyard got a bit out of hand, everyone be ready to possibly have to cut line but there should already be another team there doing it. Be advised the house is on fire but it’s small for now”
Athena is already there, with a few drunk people in her backseat. She’s talking to someone quite animatedly, her voice is low. 
“Everything oka- May??” Bobby stops, looking between them. Athena stands back, her hands on her hips
“Where’s Y/N?” He asks immediately and May sighs loudly 
“I don’t know. I’ve tried to say it a million times I don’t know! The fire broke out and we got separated!” 
“I’ve tried contacting her but she isn’t answering” Athena looks like she’s ready to rip her hair out. Bobby puts his hands on her shoulders, his voice is full of worry as he kisses her forehead 
“Hey, we’re gonna find her okay? I promise” 
“She’s here for a couple days and I’ve already lost her.”
“You didn’t lose her mom, I did. I should have kept a better eye on her! But she said she’d be okay! And Crystal wanted to show me something and-“ She starts up and Athena sighs, hugging her
“It’s not your fault baby, Y/N is an adult. You were both right, she can take care of herself”
Bobby walks over to Eddie and Buck who are hosing down a section of the yard 
“You two have Y/N’s number right? Can you call her real quick?”
“Uh, yeah sure.” Buck shrugs and pulls out his phone, it takes a second with all his stuff on. 
Bobby takes the hose from him and stands behind Eddie
“Everything okay?” Eddie asks, looking back at him and he shrugs 
“Yeah… just uh. Just call, Buck” 
It rings six times which is the longest its ever taken you to answer 
“Hello?” Your voice is so small it takes him aback. 
“Uh hey, hey Y/N”
Bobby perks up, motioning to keep her talking 
“Where- where are you? You sound funny” He walks away a little, so he can hear you better 
“I’m-” you hesitate and Bucks anxiety skyrockets
“I’m a firefighter Y/N, you can tell me anything” He says soothingly, his voice dropping an octave 
“I’m in the house”
“Where in the house” He turns to it and starts running, the fire is slowing down but not nearly enough. He mutes his phone for a second and alerts everyone on the radios 
“It’s- it’s so stupid”
He stops, smashing the unmute button
“Y/N, please. Fuck, the house is on fire. You do realize that right?!” 
“It’s what?! I-I’m locked in a closet in the basement. N-nothings happening down here!”
“Alright, I’m coming to get you okay? I’m coming, baby” 
He doesn’t even have time to cringe at himself as he runs into the house, Hen and another couple of guys are already shutting doors and putting some of the smaller fires out but it’s definitely staying consistent 
“Where’s the basement?!” He asks you, panting slightly as he frantically looks around
“The kitchen, there’s a doorway” 
He hangs up the phone and shoves it in his pocket
“Y/N??” He yells for you, panic seeping through his veins 
“Have you found her?” Bobby radios him “do you need help?”
“Buck??? Buck, I’m in here!!” You’re pounding on the door as hard as you can to get his attention 
“I’ve got her! I found her!” He calls into the radio as he runs over to the door 
“Y/N? Is there anywhere you can stand to the left or right, away from the door?” 
“I think so?!” You back up into the corner as far as you can, pressing yourself against the wall
“Alright! What now?”
Buck readies his ax, holding it in his hands
“Now I channel my inner Jack Torrance!” 
You shriek as the ax breaks through the door and he begins to create an opening for you. He breaks into the door easily…if he’s being honest he probably could have kicked it in… but this was more fun. 
“Don’t you dare” you say as soon as there’s a clear small hole
“When am I ever going to be able to say it with someone who would actually laugh about it in a completely unprofessional way!!” 
You groan and duck down more as a few wood chips fly
“…Fine!” 
Buck goes just a teeny bit crazy with the axe, most of the fire has been contained so he takes a little more time than necessary. He gleefully smashes the door down, laughing maniacally while screaming “Here’s Johnny!” 
You do laugh, because it’s stupid and it’s so Buck, and watching him enjoying himself is cute. As soon as the hole is big enough for you, you step through and he yanks you into his chest immediately, you let out a little squeak and hold onto him 
“What the hell were you doing in there? You could have died!” 
“I didn’t know! I tried calling May but she didn’t answer the phone and… and I didn’t want to call you and-“
“Wait, why didn’t you wanna call me??” Buck pushes you back a little just by your shoulders and you look down at your feet. He tilts your head up and that’s when he realizes your makeup is a bit ruined. He chalked it up to the heat…but you said there wasn’t any 
“Why didn’t you want to call me? Did something happen?” He asks a little calmer this time
“We should get out of here. The building could collapse” you quickly change the subject and try to pull away from him but he stops you. He bends down to your eye level and forces you to look him in the eyes 
“It’s structurally sound. Trust me. Y/N what happened.”  
You look down at your shoes, wringing your hands together and sighing 
“It’s… childish” 
“No it isn’t. Just tell me.” His voice is firm and he looks upset, you groan and let your head fall back before looking at him again 
“These girls asked me to go downstairs and get some extra buckets from the closet and then they pushed me in and locked the door. Apparently, I was chatting up one of their boyfriends, I didn’t know! I just- I saw his shoes and they were cool and then he told me they were custom from Etsy and I asked for the shop!! And he was so nice Buck, genuinely he was! He asked for my number just to send the link!” 
You unlock your phone and show it to him, the number isn’t even saved, just a link with a little smiley face and a “Demon Slayer shoes” and that’s it. 
“I…I tried calling May and she didn’t answer.. and I was locked in this stupid closet like I was a teenager again or something so I just…put my phone on silent and cried. And I didn’t want to call you because I would seem like such a baby. Like who still locks people in closets!” 
Buck listens to your story and he looks pissed. First of all, no one hurts his baby. Second of all… you could have died if you hadn’t picked up the phone when he called, and you almost didn’t. 
Buck does what any sensible man would do in this situation, he stands up tall, looks around for a moment 
And he kisses you. 
It’s sweet and lingering, he tilts your head up and presses his lips to yours gently. He watches the way your eyes close slowly and you kiss him back and he wishes he could just stay there forever but eventually you have to breathe and he makes you pull away, not him. 
“You want me to go find them?” He spins the ax in his hand and you snicker, shoving at his chest 
“Absolutely, let’s commit murder together!” 
“Sounds good to me sweetness” He winks and you roll your eyes, pulling away from him. He frowns a little at the loss of contact but shakes it off 
“We should probably get out of here, your family is going insane… May is really upset” 
He takes his helmet off and puts it on your head and you giggle while holding it down to tilt your head up 
“Yeah okay” 
He holds out his hand and you take it, he starts to lead you upstairs but you stop for a second, planting your feet 
“Whats wr-“
You let go of his hand and rush past him, going up a few steps and turning around to kiss him. It’s quicker this time, just a peck and he’s spiraling immediately, giggling deliriously as you jog up the stairs pulling him with you now 
The second you step out of the house, Athena is on you, frantically checking you over before crushing you in a hug, May is crying and promising she’ll never leave you alone again and you’re hugging her, trying to console her. Buck takes this time to step away and go find Eddie, you give him a little wave over May’s shoulder and he blushes, waving back. 
He nearly crashes into Eddie when he finally spots him, going running over. He’s standing in front of the truck securing the hoses 
“Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie” His voice is high pitched and his hands are shaking. He grabs Eddie’s shoulders and starts shaking him
“Buck calm down!” He’s laughing as he pushes him back a bit, he hands him a bottle of water and Buck takes it , chugging it before tossing it into the trash 
“I can’t, oh my god I can’t, guess what?!” He squeals and Eddie snorts, shaking his head 
“What?”
“We kissed. We kissed, we kissed, we kissed!!!” He practically screams the last one and Eddie yanks him over to the other side of the truck shushing him 
“Okay- first of all, calm down. Because everyone is going to know who you kissed. What happened???”
Buck can hardly contain himself, he holds tightly onto Eddie’s arms just to keep himself from floating off into the clouds 
“Okay well she told me about these girls that bullied her and locked her in a closet. How freaking 90s teen movies is that!! And she didn’t want to call me because she thought that would make her seem like a baby but she’s not a baby Eddie she’s really not and she was starting to tear up and I couldn’t stand to see her cry so I just kissed her!!”
Buck is speaking at a million miles an hour and Eddie is nodding his head along just trying to follow his story 
“No she’s not a baby, but oh my god she could have died”
“That’s what I told her!!! And then guess what oh my god Eddie guess what”
“What?” Eddie chuckles a little at his enthusiasm, it’s endearing 
“I put my helmet on her to make her smile and it worked and I held her hand-“ His voice is becoming squeaky again “and then she let go of my hand and I was like-“ he gasps “what if I went too far??” 
“Because randomly kissing her wasn’t far but holding her hand was” Eddie says sarcastically 
“Exactly!!!” Buck points at him and he squints but goes along with it 
“She went up the stairs because you know she’s short as hell, and she kissed me again” 
Eddie’s mouth drops open and Buck literally starts jumping up and down, he does a little spin, dancing around before shaking Eddie 
“Yeah!!!!”
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i-yap · 9 hours
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Hi there! LOVE your thoughts on Jason like truly i <3 clingy Jason!!!!! What do you think a relationship would be like between Jason and a corporate baddie? Like she's serious, career-driven, and almost viciously ambitious, but for him? a total softie!! Like they just melt for each other despite the fact that they both put up a tough exterior to others!!
Omg i love that , here are my headcanons -
Jason todd x corporate baddie!y/n
I think the time schedules would be a mess. She works 9-5 and he 'works' 9pm-5am. But since she is a really career driven woman, I can see her sort of completing her extra or personal work/ international calls etc from the time that jason is vigilanting and therefore cutting her shift from like 9-3 or something similar. Since she gets all her work done, no one can say a word and honestly no one would dare to either way. Relstionship is about compromise and I think jason will cut down his vigilante time to get home to his stressed worker bee.
Jason prolly cant sleep without her so while she is at her job, he is working out or doing his other stuff. They catch up on sleep after her shift . This means afternoon cuddles !!( Ofc I am firm believer that jason should with time leave crime fighting and become an English professor )
I also love how most of her coworkers thinks she is prolly dating a Submissive type of guy or like a really serious professional dude cause she is so scary and strict . But then Jason- 6 feet something, huge asf, leather jacket, tattoos(maybe) and motorcycle dude walks in bringing her lunchbox( that looks so tiny in his hand). Yea now they're even more scared.
And I think everyone from jason's side also assumed that he'd either get a super cute-sy girl that will "fix him" or another vigilante girl that'll " make him worse". But he walks in with this poised, smart hardworking no nonsense woman and everyone's like DAMN
Damian loves you probably. He doesn't get how todd wooed you, like he thinks todd is a doofus. For once you are a normal (non crime fighting) girl that his brother is dating who is this career driven and also treats his brother properly. He loves talking business with you ( there was this scene where he figures out who is stealing money by looking at the finances at wayne enterprises) . and for once someone doesn't take him for a kid and actually wants to listen to pointers that he has. Tim prolly also loves talking to you about business cause he is a CEO too same thing for bruce.
Power couple fr.
but once you too get home...yea no one recognizes you.
Jason loves the fact that you show your soft side only to him. He has never been someones first choice in anything and this makes him feel so much more loved and cherished. and vice versa applies to you
he loves taking care of you after your long ass workday, helping you just be vulnerable and drop the whole tough act and be human. you do the same for him once he comes back at night. Just taking care of each other the way you guys need.
And you can bet jason knows how to be your biggest supporter. big raise? promotion? or just a good presentation?? He is genuinely excited for you.
Will give you back rubs when you've been sitting on the desk the whole day
will cook you brunch/snacks for when you come back and you will cook him breakfast/dinner for when he does .
it will take some compromise and adjustments but its all worth it and no price at all for loveeee.
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wellhalesbells · 1 month
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20 questions for fic writers
Tagged by @piratefalls! Yay, wasting time - I've been doing so much of that today and thank you for giving me another way to! (Seriously, I would've just been watching more Youtube compilations without you.) That's probably why these answers are so long. Procrastination? Wellllll don't mind if I do!
How many works do you have on ao3? 154
What's your total ao3 word count?
1,280,205
What fandoms do you write for?
Primarily Teen Wolf and Harry Potter. HP was my original homeslice and I kind of sharpened my teeth on fic-writing in general there, found what I liked and didn't like, how to engage with fandom, what I found attractive and what turned me off (for characters and plot beats), honed my craft and made my mistakes there and then with the advent of AO3 and the finding of Teen Wolf, I feel like I blossomed and built a home and am hopefully making fewer oopsiedoosles. Though I have also written a fic or so for: Hannibal, The Meg, Mr. Robot, X-Men, Star Trek, and Breaking Bad.
Top five fics by kudos:
There's Monsters at Home, Sterek, Teen Wolf. (15,285)
Time to Eternity, Drarry, Harry Potter. (8,416)
Option C) Some Bad Guys are Werewolves, but Not All Werewolves are Bad Guys, Sterek, Teen Wolf. (7,759)
Of Bananas, Babies and Buzzkills, Sterek, Teen Wolf. (5,134)
Instructions for Dancing, Sterek, Teen Wolf. (5,099)
Do you respond to comments?
Not anymore. Occasionally one that asks a direct question I'll answer, if that answer isn't already somewhere on or in the fic.
Though the last one I answered was someone who didn't read my tags or notes, telling me I didn't warn for something that was in the tags and notes, and I was so polite, like, "How can I make this clearer?" instead of saying, "#!@%^&$@$@#^$%&$^&^&$%^@#$%" like I fucking wanted to and they then said: "Oh yeah, I didn't read any of that, guess you don't need to change anything." Which was exactly what I expected would happen and I took the time to answer because I want more than anything to teach that person a lesson, even though I am absolutely certain they learned nothing from the interaction. But I tried, I did my part, and I wasn't even an asshole about it. (Please, please, please, the amount of times I've been told in the snarkiest damn fashion to tag for something that is already fucking tagged...... like, how do I have to say: read the tags before snidely chastising me for what isn't in them?? And it's not like.... I used different language or anything, they will ask me to tag for the EXACT DAMN TAG already on the fic. My collection of these comments is genuinely getting out of hand.)
And there is one I kind of want to answer that I got in the last month or so because it's one of the nicest and most vulnerable things I've ever been told but there aren't enough letters, or strong enough ones, or big enough ones to hold all the gratitude and care that wants to pour into them so I just... haven't.
What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Hrm, I think these are just the most obvious of those and if I actually had to sit with this and go through my catalogue of fic, I would come up with a way more off-center answer because the angst is much subtler but harder hitting but that sounds like it would take brain power and, wow, is it that late already *coughs*
Either I Smoke My Friends Down to the Filter or But the Mess Prevails. I think maybe the latter because it's kind of triumphant in ISMFDttF, Stiles stands up for himself, but in BtMP they both want to be together but it's just another way for Derek to punish himself if they are.
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Similar caveat to the one above as I'm not really focusing on ending (because more brain power) as much as just happy overall. Either [Hilary Duff Lyric Redacted] or Instructions for Dancing - they are both just fluff bombs almost entirely from start to finish.
Do you get hate on fics?
Mostly no. There's one fic that I have comments turned off on (THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS FUNCTION, AO3, 10000000% THIS FIC WOULD NOT STILL EXIST IF NOT FOR YOU) because people would yell things at me I already explicitly stated I agreed with? Like I wrote a fic for a fest (back when I wrote in a lot fests, lol), it was a dark prompt and I can't remember if the prompter wanted a happy ending or if it was a stipulation of the fest that it couldn't end badly but it's a dark prompt so while I could get the two characters to the point of co-parenting, I did not get them back together. And the comments I mainly got were: how dare you get them the fuck back together? To which I was like: um, I didn't, also if I was forced to keep going with this fic, this character would end up with this one instead. And then I got a deluge of comments that were like: how dare you get them back together!? And for a while, I explained that you read into it, which is understandable as - to satisfy whomever's requirement - it is an impression I wanted you to walk away with, but as you'll notice at no point are they back together or romantically involved again, they're in the same room and have reached a ceasefire, that's it. And that's as friendly as I see that relationship getting, and no one read any of that and kept yelling at me for the same reason and mentally I was like: fuck all of you, either the fic goes or I do so I turned off the comments so I wouldn't delete it. I find since commenting is off (or "hidden" rather, I can still see it and have the option to approve or nuke it), people have to really engage with a) what I've already replied before and b) whether or not it's worth it to leave a review that will literally only be seen by me. Suddenly everyone has reading comprehension and no one is just yelling to yell because the only one you're engaging with is *jazz hands* me, and I am obviously not the audience for that.
Do you write smut?
Yep!
Craziest crossover:
I have a Hunger Games/TW one that is one of two unfinished fics on AO3 because every time I even think about it, it intimidates me. And since I don't read crossovers, I have no idea how you're supposed to do them or how much of the other IP you can take on without it seeming like you've just rewritten with different characters or how much you should change when everyone knows what you're working from anyway - it's all a mystery to me and I am flummoxed by it.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
People post my old HP shit that no longer exists on the internet to Wattpad quite a bit and I am not savvy enough to figure out how to get it down. The few times I've contacted people who posted it under my name to take it down, instead just remove my name and fully pretend it's theirs. On some, I've found the people on LJ who have saved the fic in question and are giving it out and quietly asked them to stop because they were ending up as stolen fic on Wattpad.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes, many!
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Em and I have started one but never finished - it's me, I'm Mr. Ambrose: "I start, I don't finish things."
All time favorite ship?
I think it's Stiles and Derek, man??? I don't know, I have a lot of niche ones too that I feel like if there were more content/interest, they would be it but there isn't sooooo....
What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
That THG/TW fic - it scares me so much. Like, who was that confident girl who didn't understand things at all and was like: yeah, that's fine? Don't know her. PvW - I have a lot written in the future and for the next chapter, plus an outline, it's just a matter of getting my attention to stay on it and I have the next chapter of WDHGsGA written and an outline for the next two, I just don't want to post it until it's totally finished so I don't have to worry about losing the atmosphere/tone again and, again, I just have to get my focus back to it but the chances of me letting that writing go totally down the drain? Unlikely.
What are your writing strengths?
Um, I think I have a good understanding of how humans work. I think writing is definitely made a lot easier when you have a handle on the psychology and a gut sense for people. It's not hard to craft fake scenarios when you have a pretty decent understanding of how people would react in them.
What are your writing weaknesses?
Grammar-wise, commas throw me completely. I have no idea where they're supposed to go and I do my best, okay?! I really only got Florida public school education on this and it was: wherever you feel like you should have one, do that.
More generally, I also feel like I don't have the same needs to satisfy as a large percentage of readers - I need a relationship at the core of a fic to feel significant and weighty to want to write a story about it, but that doesn't mean it needs to survive to the end of said fic or that characters need to hit certain relationship milestones for it to feel worthwhile to me. I think this sometimes leads me to endings that some people feel are unsatisfying because I got what I needed but maybe some readers didn't?
Thoughts on dialogue in another language?
Totally neutral. Doesn't bother or thrill me to any extent.
First fandom you wrote in?
Harry Potter.
Favorite fic you've written?
Favorite? That's hard. I'm, as mentioned, super shitty at finishing things so the fact that TMaH is completed - even without going into any of its content (all of which is made to order, absolutely my favorite stuff) - makes it a top contender.
I also still really love A Fine Foray into Fashionable Fellatio, the last Harry Potter fic I wrote, which was Draco/Ron. I love that to kick my brain into gear, I would start mentally painting the scenes, from oranges and reds to beiges and cool winter blues - I don't know I've ever used color so much in anything. It hasn't worked since and I think it's because - having been away from those characters and that fandom for so long - I had such a crystal clear image of them and because Draco, especially, was so different from how he's usually pictured in fic/fanart (curly-haired, absolutely swank as fuck Muggle style) that the lines were so defined it was easy to paint within them.
And I think my favorite writing piece right now is He Speaks in Petals. It's such a short fic and I reread it in the last year or so and it's so much more lyrical than I remember. I knew that was what I was going for and I did not think I managed it but it's got some really soft, kind whimsy to it that I like a lot and find very calming and reaffirming.
No pressure tagging @kikiroo, @rosieposiepuddingnpie, @literaryoblivion, @yodas-yo-yo, @clotpolesonly, @callunavulgari, @andavs, @i-sveikata, @alocalband !
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smalltimidbean · 2 months
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I should really post Peppino's sisters at some point, they still don't have names like 9 months after I made them kjfdgjkdfg
I was keeping them secret for a reveal on Pep's blog, but I doubt we'll get there anytime soon, so why not! But also Scary!!!
I have so many PT OCs that I have not shown yet - and that are not clones - help khjfdjlkdsfg
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brightokyolights · 4 months
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...
#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess#but ive just been debating something for a while now#so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons#i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried#2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me#like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh#anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings#and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog#posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home#for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily#you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i#do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap.#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and#art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this#is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk.#le text post
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weaselshaped · 5 months
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Hmm I need to make another embarrassing gender post but not right now I think
#Embarrassing in that like. I mean it's all embarrassing. It's embarrassing to have spent this long missing the point#And to talk about that in public. I am 27 years old and I have id'd as nonbinary for almost a decade and yet I could not refer to myself#as transmasc or incorporate that meaningfully into my self-concept until like. This year. Due to... REASONS???#I literally don't even know! There IS no reason! I just didn't want to deal with it because it seemed harder than resigning myself to being#mistaken for a woman for the rest of my life??? I guess???? Stupid and cowardly tbh#Meanwhile tying myself in knots over like. Disproportionately identifying with queer men in fiction and deciding this was some sort of Crim#'Here is a thing that transmascs often do. Not me though I'm doing it for some other reason' I wasted SO MUCH TIME on this#It's not even really important i just invested a lot of energy into repression for WHAT. and like also on the internet the way I have#described myself over time is like. I am probably revealing some embarrassing things about the way I have engaged with my relationship to#gender that were not apparent until I started getting over myself/moving on from that bullshit. So that's great#I don't know man I would like to feel unequivocally good about sorting my shit out and finally doing what needs to be done#but mostly I just feel like I took too long and now I'm making myself look like an idiot. Idk man. I suck actually!#Oh look I basically did make the post anyway but as tags. Extremely me behavior
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froshele · 10 months
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today in the wild I came across a phrase to the effect "...And this [pair of ethical axioms about what constitutes quality of life for purposes of discussion about disability and coma prognosis, based on the opinion of one person who has not ever been in a coma or disabled thereafter] suggests that maybe, just maybe, [relevantly comatose or recovering or disabled] people may have quality of life sufficient to make them ethically relevant"
that's ... not, um, normally considered to be what makes people "ethically relevant" in the world where all the people are and there's sunshine and grass and things, but, you know what, ok jennifer, A for effort! :) gold star for you, philosopher extraordinaire, moral lodestar for people unsure what to do with granny, paragon of ethical conduct!
#they had to put me in a coma because i declined really fast after pediatric brain surgery#it was not a long coma by most standards but i had to get so so much physical and other therapy about it#like i was out here relearning to walk and speak it was a really long recovery#people like this are of an opinion that people like me are ~simply suffering too much~ to be ~ethically relevant~#which i think is a particularly shit form of pseudobenevolent ableism#what degree of pain do i have to experience before the invisible hand of Ethics decides i shouldn't be resuscitated if I fail#how much does my life get to suck before jennifer here decides it isnt worth living and what will that décision mean#objectively of course i was doing all of this in ukraine so the opinion of this ethicist-panelist would not have been worth anything at all#but i was so close to like being euthanized like a little mop dog#not formally exactly but my mom told me once that she thought about smothering me a lot while i was in recovery#and it was entirely because she was terminally theorybrained about suffering and life-quality in the same type of way#and if it were a medical availability i probably would not be here because i was so absurdly difficult and expensive to raise#and its just like man. i am begging you to remember the humanity of the subjects when you put these things in science papers#im having an ok morning globally i just want to blog about this on the internet to get the thing it brought back to me out of my system#i grew up with meaningful and painful disabilities + the fact that my neurology miraculously knit together into something “more workable” i#totally coincidental actually. what if it didnt? if it didnt + i was still in pain from the sun and wobbled like an earsick kitten then???#that was the thing here like there was a 70/30 chance I would have needed a talking board and power chair#i am glad i do not but i am also very sensitive about this type of covert desire to decide about their right to live for people who do#i dont remember a lot of my childhood but i remember a lot of that pity laced with something i can now identify as revulsion to my pain#and i remember that i didnt understand it and that all i wanted was to be like other kids who were wanted and hoped for and believed in#and i dont know like its an individual thing its a family thing whatever but yesterday i had a weird trauma memory moment#that was about being displaced a little bit#which is an awfully vulnerable thing to put here but i am not asking for your sympathy i am just saying i was tender and a bit insane#and then i stepped on this rake! good morning insane asylum 《sunshine》#today will be a better day than this#im going to make the tags froshgriping and froshplaks for my bitching and personal sniveling feel free to blacklist them#froshgriping#froshsniveling#froshplaks
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toastsnaffler · 5 months
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my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent
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insanechayne · 10 months
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~ ~ ~
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speaking of your coming of age movie that never happens & your narrative non-narratives, shoutout to the arcs that’d be supposedly “worse” lmfao like posts about people-pleasers being like “i’m in my villain era” when it’s just consciously prioritizing themselves at all / noting when boundaries for their own wellbeing are being trampled, and the like. wherein i’m like, well i like talking to people i suppose, i can do the hours of monologue at a wall for one mode, got chatterbox mode, funny guy theatrical mode, etc, but in actuality also, i do not like talking to people lmao. the “yeah, that’s me” movie ending with another voiceover while upbeat music plays & you’re cheerfully walking along in 0.75x speed through some picturesque arena filled with socializing people like =) putting on headphones, turning up the volume, ignoring everyone, dodging people according to the berth one wants to maintain,
#i mean in person i like to be somewhere Parallel to other ppl; but there By Myself technically lol#i also am down for / enjoy spontaneous fleeting interactions w/randos but ofc only the actually good ones; which can sure be rare#and naturally Online interactions have a lot more flexibility than [not having that option] but even then.#like on just one point: being in a ''fandom'' like no thanks at all ever lol even when it comes to relatively niche things#j'etadore quantent being Just Me Posting To Myself. i absolutely do not want to talk to anybody about winston billions.#posts are scrolls i've nailed to a door to be perused if someone wants. take it or leave it; i've given it & left#meanwhile Not In Person chats aren't even enough lol like; need more Delay than a live chat; also too much to say just like irl anyways#gotta be down for short essays at w/e weird pacing & inadvertent caginess abt what ig other ppl would find matter of factly easy to share#i.e. like What Are You Doing? type ye olde facebook status prompt material. well that's a secret / weird / not entertaining enough isn't it#not like i think oh scoff i Should be popular likable & beloved lmfao like no ofc i Know i'm not gonna come off like that. l'autistique.#to be thusly is to be generally considered unlikable / disliked. i probably don't like interacting w/an nt rando too much either.#& w/the power of [adhd] it's like yeah sure i can be the chatty Fun But Annoying person lmfao But. rather than really being begrudgingly#tolerated until ppl are just more used to you / forgive the annoyances it's like no it's just the Annoying part lol beyond that it's like#well you're also somehow still too weird & quiet so worst of both worlds right. And ofc i have Other Traits aren't just for everyone.#some classic easy to embrace shit like bit of a hothead; argumentative; opinionated; stubborn; spontaneous; a hater; cagey....lmao#much of that For Fun but the [autistic Friendly] social cues don't get read that way. plus i Can be unfriendly too ofc lmao. get outta here#like a friend group seems charming & adorably heartwarming in theory until it's like oh god but drawing on all relevant experiences?? No#the third or fourth or nth wheel falling behind on the narrow sidewalk / talked over / finding a chair on the end & ppl dont notice ur here#lowering expectations even for exchanges that Do happen. ppl can enjoy the novelty of a lengthy exchange for like; a day#on the other side of that if what's initiated is like; Brief General messages i'm like oh god lmfao now Eye can't keep up w/this style#beyond that spontaneous shit is like oh god masking. oh god double empathy misinterpretations & being treated horribly b/c of it.#Recognizing & Respecting my actual experiences rather than hypothetical ideals like no i'm Not failing by Not putting myself in more damn#situations lmfao....if i stumble into good ones then great lol. sure have done that & i don't discount the Value therein at all#just sure like [points to the wisdom of e.g. autistic ppl talking abt having to be lonely but at the gain of looking out for / appreciating#themself] like Being ''Unlikable'' or having friends(tm) but not Really / the treatment is shit / you're having to mask a ton anyways...#sure can recall experiences like idk. ppl ''being nice'' & whether on purpose or not it's like actually I'm In Hell I'm In Hell lmfao#and then even if it's not on purpose it's like ah i can't actually talk to them abt it & that's not a great endorsement for the dynamic huh#or just noting like i'm duly accepted to be on the sidelines but what am i doing wrong lmao sweating How To Earn proper Normal participation#lot of anxiety & blaming oneself & it turns out like nah can't excise the Fault of autistic / adhd / cpstdness & you're fine actually#that was ye olde times more so but it's gradual & still fairly recent being like Oh Right. more accurate ideas re: Talking To Ppl At All....
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linda-rose · 1 year
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god every time I think too much about this my brain wants to explode a little, but going into teaching as a nonbinary/genderqueer person is really going to be something huh
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todayisafridaynight · 10 months
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YEAH NO TONBI GOT HANDS.......... my timing on suggesting it may be Questionable but I AM very glad it holds up as a movie :] hopefully the interview and We Make Antiques are fun diversions! But also take it easy <3 can confirm Nakai is Pretty Moe in both though <3 And I WILL harass you about Masato's VA next week...
TBF YOU SUGGESTED IT A WEEK OR SO AGO twas on me for taking a while to get to it... nevertheless i did really enjoy it thank you..... AND YAYA IM SO STOKED TO WATCH THE FULL INTERVIEW AND WMA2 THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN ☆*: .。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆!!!!!
esp cant wait to hear about masato's VA in the future.. 👁️👁️
#snap chats#LISTEN i think we all just have to accept at this point any time there's a story about a doting father or fts a doting father#i will cry like its unavoidable. so whether my life's falling apart that week or everything's fine#There Will Be No Difference In How Much I Cry ☠️☠️ im just built terribly what can i say it makes for GREAT inspo tho#tonbi WAS real cute tho and i did enjoy it a lot Because yasu did remind me of my dad a lot#very lucky to say my dad's never slapped me or thrown water in my face tho so LMAO BUT FOR THE MOST PART Yeah...#in a way it weirdly felt like watching an AU of my life. if i may sound insane. listen i already said the kid's name had me twisted LISTEN#fr tho cause ive always wondered what my life wouldve been like if i was able to be raised by my dad instead#im gonna make myself start crying if i get too deep into it LMAO NEEDLESS TO SAY i really enjoyed the movie :)#EVIL that they really did let us see akira get married and now yasu gotta give a speech and If He IS Anything Like My Dad#i know damn well he was winging it and didn't prep a script and I Will Start Crying if i think back to my sis's wedding#STILL MAD THAT THE ONE TIME I HAD TO PISS WAS RIGHT BEFORE HIS SPEECH BUT WHATEVER MOVING ON#said i wasnt gonna talk bout the movie/my dad anymore lest i make myself UPSET yet here i am... always saying more when i shouldnt ☠️#but yeah... i have ONE (1) more comm this week Lest Someone Wants To Snipe A Spot IDK#SO im gon do that :]#and im kinda tired rn... but the uncertainty of how much time i have nowadays urges me to work on it a bit#i dont THINK it should take super long but it IS a full-rendered piece so.... it will take time needless to say#n e way not to sound insane but nakai is An Endearing Chap. is the most sane way i can put it#i mentioned it durin a stream but somethin bout him just naturally exudes cute... idk... im delirious probably ANYWAY BYE FR NOW#CANNOT WAIT for next week to be harassed 🥰🥰
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seilon · 2 years
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I have 15 years of piano experience, several years experience playing keyboard in an ensemble / comping, vocal training/experience, and have picked up guitar recently (about 5 months ago ish). i have the credentials now how the fuck do i join a band
#kibumblabs#i imagine you need friends and that’s probably my issue#i just have. no friends#I’m still beating myself up a bit for ghosting a friend of mine who admittedly I couldn’t do much with right now anyway cause I live 400#miles away– but partly because he would have been my best possible shot at starting a band as he’s a very experienced and talented guitarist#and bassist and so on (the kinda guy who knows some amount of like every instrument) to the point where we’d talk about music theory#sometimes just. because. and I know is taste is good too#and I can not believe I never had the balls to be like hey. like. you wanna play together at some point#god I am mentally banging my head against a wall#anyway so now I’m here and I have no friends and no connections and my school doesn’t even have music classes/clubs/etc at all#so. fuck me dude#sigh#maybe I should focus on retraining my voice first anyway cause it’s been thoroughly fucked up by testosterone and I’ve been set back. a lot.#i really need to work on that either with a teacher or with online resources or something cause it’s been eating me alive lately it bothers#me so much. and when I see myself playing with a band i really wanted to be a singer specifically despite my piano experience (tho I know of#course I can do both) and now I definitely don’t feel confident enough in my voice to be a lead so. I’d have to. work on that a lot first#hehdhsgshhddhdhdj torture#one thing that gives me some hope is that I am in probably the best location to find Something music-wise. i mean I’m right next to#fucking LA so I mean. yeah. had an Uber driver the other day talk about how he moved all the way from Poland to SoCal to try and find work#doing music cause it was his passion and all that and at some point he asked me if I did anything live and of course I said no (I’d already#mentioned the instruments I play and whatnot) and when I said it was cause I didn’t know anyone he was like aahhh that’s no excuse! you can#find something! you live in Orange County! you just gotta keep looking and go to more places people like that get together#and I haven’t stopped thinking about that#thank you polish red hot chili peppers enthusiast u are an inspiration
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