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ourflagmeansgayrights · 5 months

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thinking abt one of my favorite asinine izzy takes which is that a conversation starting with “i should’ve let the english kill you” and ending with “[you] better watch your fucking step” contains absolutely zero death threats

#ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #dizzy izzy #israel hands #s1e10 #if this post is in the izcourse tag no it isnt u just dont know how to use tumblr #txt #mine #og #i miss s1 deranged izzy so much tho he was so fun #why do ppl want to argue that this isn’t a death threat it’s so much juicer if it is????#the DRAMA yall cmon. stop making izzy boring

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cheolaholic · 1 month

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ring of love; csc (05)

summary; agreeing to join vernon spectate an underground boxing match wasn't how you'd expect to spend your friday night. you also didn't expect to see seungcheol, someone you've lost contact with for years, become a part of the ring.

modern! au • boxer! au • hhu focused • multiple kinds of tropes • fluff, angst, smut

a/n;; omg, i'm alive????? jkjk, work's been piling up lately and i'm honestly drained by the time I get back home so I couldn't do much writing or even qc the draft before yoinking them into a tumblr draft 💀 but anyways, hope yall enjoy this chapter !! uri boo makes a small little cameo in this chapter :D a part of the angst in this fic has also arrived, pls be prepared (it’s not that heavy tho).

You were 15 when you experienced your first ‘heartbreak’. Though, you call it a ‘heartbreak’ solely because it was a “for the lack of a better word” situation. A week before summer break, your parents had announced that the three of you would be flying off to Jeju to visit your grandparents.

You adore your grandparents, and they adore you just as much. Before you started middle school, you remember constantly flying off to Jeju, or even taking the ferry, to visit them every holiday and school break possible. Even during the initial stage of your move to the small town, your parents had sent you off to your grandparents as they sorted out the heavier parts.

Your grandparents had brought you to the beach, taught you how to make kimchi and even brought you to one of the fireworks shows during your stay. But, when you started middle school and were bombarded by a shit ton of schoolwork, you weren’t able to visit them as often.

So, you were ecstatic when your parents announced the Jeju trip. Both Aki and Seungcheol could see the excitement and happiness in your eyes as you told them about your plans.

Aki asking you questions about Jeju while Seungcheol listens to both of you with a small smile on his face. “how long will you be there, pup?” he asks, cheek leaning against the palm of his hand.

“Uhm… I think maybe for two weeks? I’m not really sure… Dad did ask mom if she wanted me to tag along with them to London afterwards…”

“Oh? What are they gonna be doing in London?”

“They have a business meeting that lasts at least two days. But, they decided to stay back a week for a mini vacation.”

“Do you want to go?” Aki asks as she pops a piece of strawberry into her mouth, stealing a glance at Seungcheol, noticing the way his shoulders are slumped at the mention of you thinking of joining your parents overseas.

Dude looks like a puppy not wanting its owner to leave it alone… she thought to herself, finding the scene in front of her amusing.

“Well, whether or not you want to join your parents, I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself regardless!” she spoke.

“Take good care of yourself, pup,” Seungcheol added as he reached out a hand and patted your head, sending a faint blush spreading across your cheeks and a teasing smile on Aki’s lips, “If you ever need anything, call me, okay?”

“Or me!”

The older male rolled his eyes at Aki’s words, smiling when you nod your head.

“Seungkwannie!” you squealed out in happiness as you ran up to your cousin who was standing out at the gates of your grandparent's house, engulfing him in a big hug. “I can’t believe you’re here! Mom and Dad said that you’d be in Biyangdo!”

“And miss out on the chance to spend time with my favourite cousin? Never!” Seungkwan proclaimed as he pecked your cheek. “I haven’t seen you in years, ___! There’s no way I’d pass off the opportunity to spend time with you while you’re here!”

Seungkwan is your cousin from your mom��s side of the family. Before the age of 5, you don’t remember much about meeting Seungkwan other than the stories both your parents would tell you over family dinners. For example, when you asked them about the scar Seungkwan had on his chest, his dad said you were the one that left it on him. They proceeded to tell the story of how you had scratched Seungkwan because he had refused to let you watch Pocoyo on tv when both of you were just 3.

Or when his mom would ask you if you remembered Seungkwan hiding in the closet to scare you, but you ended up crying because you had thought he went home. So, instead of scaring you, he came out of the closet and both your parents found the two of you cuddled up on the floor the next morning

After Seungkwan helped you and your parents move the luggage into your grandparent’s home, Both of you sat on the porch, drinking the lemonade your grandmother had prepared. “How’re you, aunt and uncle doing?” he asks, “I heard from Uncle Lee that you’re starting high school soon! probably in a few months, right?”

“Things have been the same, besides the whole mom and dad having to go overseas occasionally and I had to stay with either Aki or Seungcheol.”

“Speaking of Seungcheol, how’s that little crush of yours on him going?” Seungkwan asked with a teasing smile, nudging your sides, “Ever thought of telling him before he graduates? There’s a chance he might head off to the big cities or even abroad for college.”

You were silent for a moment.

You have thought about telling Seungcheol your feelings, but you never thought about the timing. Now that his graduation is nearing, you still haven’t told him. As you were still stuck in your thoughts, Seungkwan places a hand on your shoulder, “Well, whatever happens, I wish you happiness.“

“You say that as if I’m leaving you forever.”

“Hey, let me be sentimental!”

Just as you rolled your eyes, you felt your phone vibrate - you had gotten a text from Aki.

aki: did you make it to Jeju safe? ___ bestie <3: yeap! ___ bestie <3: i’m with my cousin rn ___ bestie <3: [sent an attachment] aki: ooh, he’s cute ___ bestie <3: want me to introduce you? aki: gurl aki: don’t try to matchmake me when you’re struggling to tell Seungcheol about how you feel aki: and besides aki: your cousin is cute, but he’s not my type ___ bestie <3: wow ___ bestie <3: you really just did me dirty aki: i’m just saying ___ aki: better tell him before you lose the chance aki: besides your romantic struggles aki: have fun and take lots of pictures! aki: can’t wait to see them when you get back <3 ___ bestie <3: i will!

“Are you gonna stay here with grandma and grandpa while Aunt and Uncle Lee fly out to London?” Seungkwan asks as you set down your phone, refilling his glass of lemonade. You shrugged, still debating on whether or not you wanted to join your parents. “I’m honestly stuck in between… On one hand, I want to see what other countries are like. On the other, I haven’t seen grandma and grandpa in years…”

Your mother who was on her way to give you both a plate of strawberries overheard the conversation and tried her best to help you with your indecisiveness. “___, sweetie,” she began as she set the plate on the wooden porch floor, “you can always travel in the future when you’re all grown up.”

“That sounds like you just want her to stay here in Jeju so you and uncle can enjoy yourselves without her presence,” Seungkwan teased, earning a forehead flick from your mother.

“Well, she’ll be in your care too, Seungkwan. I hope I won’t return to a sassy, diva daughter after leaving her here with you.”

Seungkwan gasps dramatically, placing a hand over his chest at your mother’s statement. “Aunt Lee, I’m hurt and offended.”

“You’re just further proving my point, Seungkwan.”

“Hey, the sass could end up helping her in the future!”

cheollie: hey, pup cheollie: mom said you and your parents made it to Jeju safely cheollie: how are you feeling? cheollie: did you get motion sickness during the flight? cheollie: did you eat dinner yet? sweet pup: ehh, the motion sickness wasn’t that bad sweet pup: grandma made lemonade :D sweet pup: and yes, i ate dinner! sweet pup: grandpa grilled some mackerel sweet pup: [sent an attachment] sweet pup: and look at how fat the strawberries are :0 sweet pup: [sent an attachment] cheollie: wow cheollie: those look good cheollie: hey, do you think it’s alright if we have a call? sweet pup: like, right now? cheollie: yea sweet pup: oh sweet pup: um, let me head out to the porch cheollie: take your time, pup

As you quietly exited the room you were staying in and out onto the porch, you picked up Seungcheol’s incoming call, feeling the butterflies in your stomach intensify when you heard his deep, “Hey, pup.”

“Hi, Cheollie! Have you had your dinner?” you asked, getting a small hum as a response. “Dad got a deal with a big client so he bought steak for us. Mom also cooked calamari.”

“Wow, it must’ve tasted amazing…”

“Yeah, it was. But, tell me about your dinner, ___. I’m sure you had more than just grilled mackerel.” Seungcheol chuckled, a blush spreading across your cheeks as you mentally cussed at how the older male still has an effect on you despite being 2 hours away and talking to you through a phone.

“Well… Mom made raw crabs and seafood soup!”

“Looks like my little puppy is eating well... That’s good.”

“Is there another reason you wanted to call, Cheollie?”

There was a moment of silence on the other end, making you slightly anxious. You hear a faint rustling, thinking he must be lying on his bed as he’s talking to you. A sigh was heard before Seungcheol told you his motive for calling you - and to say it had you on the floor was an understatement.

No, this man had you envisioning a future with him.

“I miss you.”

When you didn't respond, Seungcheol got worried, calling out your name on the other end while you remained stunned at his confession.

“U-uhm, yeah?”

“Did that make you uncomfortable, pup?”

“No, no, it just… It just caught me by surprise…”

You hear Seungcheol chuckle, and more rustling can be heard before he speaks again. “Well, I’m used to having you around me, twenty-four seven, ___. It feels weird when you’re not.”

“I’ll be back in two weeks, Cheollie. You’re being dramatic!”

Maybe he was, the older male thought to himself. But, he pushes that thought to the back of his head as he finally tells you the real reason he’s calling you.

“My parents are thinking of bringing me to Seoul this weekend to check out a few unis… I just thought that I’d let you know since, y’know… I’m graduating soon…”

Your heart sank at the mention of him graduating. You knew it was bound to happen - you even told yourself to not be too sad when he does end up moving out of Daegu for college. But, to hear it coming from Seungcheol himself, the reality hit harder.

“Oh… Well, I’m happy for you!” you tried your best to hide the sadness in your voice, though he still picked it up. “Pup, I’m not going away forever. You’ll still see me when I come back during breaks and when you leave for college, you can come over to Seoul, too!” he assures you, chuckling to himself as he continues, “Maybe our parents might even have us share an apartment so I can watch over you.”

Humming, you stared up into the sky, mesmerised by the stars that were scattered along the blanket of the night sky.

“___?”

“Yea…?”

“Remember what I taught you during our taekwondo sessions?”

“What about it?”

“Don’t forget how to use them, okay? Can’t have my little puppy all defenceless now, can I?”

you bit your lip as Seungcheol went on with his words, how he wished he could stay in Daegu longer so he could spend more time with you. How he wanted to explore the bigger city in Daegu with you (where he implies it being just two of you and without Aki who would often nag at him for having a bad taste in things).

“I’m gonna miss you…” you muttered quietly, not knowing how or what else you were supposed to say. You weren’t going to tell him about your feelings, that’s for sure. but, a part of you wished you could.

Who knows? Maybe you both could end up being something.

“It’s getting late, pup. you must be tired from the flight and settling in. Goodnight, ___.”

“Goodnight, Cheollie…”

When the call ended, you stared at the screen of your phone, a million thoughts racing through your head. You couldn’t put a finger on it, but you had a sinking feeling in your stomach. perhaps you were overthinking the whole situation or something wrong was bound to happen. Whatever it was, you quietly got back into your room and crawled into bed.

Something didn’t feel right.

It was the weekend Seungcheol was due to head to Seoul to have a look at the city and attend a few of the education fairs - and not once, had you gotten a single message from him.

In fact, in the days leading up to that weekend, he had been quiet too. His replies were either short, took too long or there weren’t any replies at all.

It makes you feel uneasy.

“Still no updates from loverboy?” Seungkwan asks, glancing over your shoulder and peeking at your phone, seeing the wall of texts about how the past few days have gone down for you. When you sulkingly shake your head, Seungkwan’s heart aches as he sees his favourite cousin down in the dumps.

“Hey,” he calls out in a gentle tone, throwing an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close. “Maybe he’s just caught up with those college things. Sooner or later he’s bound to update you, right? Besides, you should be busy having fun here in Jeju!”

Looking at your phone one last time, you shoved it back into your pocket and let Seungkwan drag you to a food street, saying how they added more delicious treats since the last time you visited.

By evening, there was still no news about or from Seungcheol. You’ve tried calling him multiple times, but they all end up going to voicemail. It was starting to affect you and your parents began to take notice, but decided to not question it for fear of triggering an episode. After dinner, you decided to call Aki in an attempt to get some form of comfort.

“I just don’t understand, Aki,” you told her, “I texted him, even called him but I got nothing! What if something bad happened to him?”

“Hey now, you’re probably overthinking things. He might just be sorting those uni documents out - you know how lengthy and taxing they can be. Maybe, he’s just tired and needs some rest!”

“You think so?”

“It’s just a guess, ___. whatever it is, I’m sure it isn’t anything serious.”

Oh, how you wished it really wasn’t anything serious.

When the time came to send your parents off at the airport for their trip to London, you had sent a message to Seungcheol and yet again, you got no response. One thing you came to realise in recent years, was how big of an over-thinker you are. It was something you hated and while your family, Seungcheol and Aki have done whatever they can to help you lessen your overthinking, that still doesn’t stop it from creeping up on you from time to time.

Seungkwan does his best to cheer you up. Bringing you to more food streets, a maze field, and even the seaside to take your mind off of Seungcheol but alas, it was as if Seungcheol had taken over your mind just like the virus in ‘The Last of Us’. One evening as you sat on the sand of the beach, staring off into the horizon, Seungkwan came up and sat next to you.

“I know this might not sound nice, but you can’t let something like Seungcheol not responding to you ruin your trip, ___. Sure, it’s upsetting having someone you’ve known for years and care for go ghost on you, but it’s kind of… pathetic, to let it ruin what could be a fun summer vacation.”

As much as those words hurt you, Seungkwan was right.

You hadn’t seen your family that lived in Jeju for years and now that you can, you’re letting something like your crush not responding to you ruin it. “Then, what should I do, Kwannie…?” you asked, wiping the tears that were starting to stream down your face, “I don’t wanna leave Jeju knowing I didn’t get to spend time with you and our grandparents…”

“How about you try calling him only once? If he doesn’t pick up, we’ll forget about it and move on, okay?”

You give it a thought, minutes passing by before you pick up your phone and dial Seungcheol’s number, placing it near your ear.

“We’re sorry, the number you have dialled cannot be reached.”

Seungkwan noticed your body shaking as you redialled the number, your breathing starting to grow shallow.

“We’re sorry, the number you have dialled cannot be reached.”

“___?” Seungkwan calls out, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. When you began to cry, he pulled you into a hug, rubbing your back as you cried your heart out. “Shhh, it’s okay, ____. it’s okay.”

When you got back to Daegu, your heart dropped at the sight of the empty house next to yours. the entire house looked as if it were fully emptied (which it was) - the potted plants Mrs. Choi had displayed on the gates were nowhere to be seen, the shoes that were neatly arranged on the shoe rack weren’t there anymore, and the Choi’s family car wasn’t parked in its usual place.

“I guess they must’ve moved since Seungcheol is going to start college soon…” your mother tells your father who hums in response as he unloads the luggage from the trunk of the taxi. When she notices the sadness and tears in your eyes, she immediately starts comforting you.”Oh, sweetie… Does it upset you that much?”

“I… I couldn’t even say goodbye to him…” you sobbed out, “I couldn’t even see him one last time before he left…”

“Oh, princess…” your father coos after bidding the taxi driver goodbye, hugging you tight as your mother does the same, “I’m sure he feels sad for not being able to do the same, hmm?”

“Will… Will I… Will I be able to see him again?” you asked through hiccuped sobs, wiping your tears away as more kept spilling. Your mother nods, giving you a pat on the head. “I'm sure you will, honey.”

“He said he’s thinking of joining University of Pledis, right?” your father asked, a small smile on his face when you nod, “Then, you just need to study hard and get in there too! That way, you can finally be reunited with prince charming!”

despite your tears, you still manage to laugh at your dad’s tease. “Dad!”

“Ah-ah, don’t think we didn’t know about your little crush on Seungcheol, ___.” he responded, chuckling as he gave your arm an assuring squeeze.

“Whatever the future has in store, I’m sure the two of you will meet again.”

taglist (unable to tag a few ㅠㅠ)

@yoonclip @1004luvangel @catjunhui @mystikha @spk93 @tinkerbell460 @yoozuku @dnylwoo @christinewithluv @limbomoon @plutoxxxworld @i-give-up-1234 @m1ngyuc0re @yunloyal @leclercloverbot @bettybeako @billboard-singer @ocyeanicc @krupyadoorrahe @seobinnieshi @xcynthiaaa @k411z @disneyprincesshuri @sunnyapp @khxsh @staygenezy @loufi8iepuff @ursweetener @noisypapergalaxy @wonwootakemyheart @sugainpinksweater @leah-rose03 @thisisnotthelastofus @yearnoclock @kwonhoeshi @minhui8966 @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @ru-lin @deobiforever @belladaises @cheoliekkuma @duskunt1ldawn @hyneyedfiz @marshmallowshouse @ak6ko @chwevernonlover @jejuboo-s @tsukinluv @atinytinaa @gyros-cum-sock @soupbinlily @jungwoos-luvr @ener-energy @watermelon-sugars-things @cyberpunkhwx @ddaengpotate @nightwingsrobbinhoods @chaerrylov3r @joshuaahong @wonussmile @uliceeeeeeee @wonwoo24 @shinetogether17 @simplejihoon @luvkpopp

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maemisnippets · 2 months

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Lil Update

Apologies for the inactivity. Here's a pouty Yujin as a sign of life from me.

Just a lil update below (be warned: kinda sad)

You writing again?

To be honest with yall, the last snippet I posted (the one posted just now) was written last December. It's actually unfinished, just missing a humorous ending or witty finishing sentence or smthn, but I got too lazy to think of one. Thought I'd post it now cuz I do kinda miss being on Tumblr.

Anyways, in all honesty, I don't feel like writing anymore. While I don't know why exactly, all I know is that I've lost a lot of motivation in writing and reading smuts in general. If anyone has checked my blog the past few months, yall might have noticed that I have closed requests for a while now, and it will stay closed for a long while. Asks and commissions are still open tho.

How am I?

Can't say I'm good, but can't say I'm doing bad either. College is still taking most of my waking hours. I'm almost done tho! Just about halfway through my last year of college, but this shit fuckin sucks. Glad it's almost over.

If anything, I can say I'm doing better. I visited family these past few months and that went well. Did a lot of stuff with them, caught up with cousins I haven't seen in a very long time, and overall had a really great time. Makes me realize how grateful I should be for even the little things in life.

Boonker?

Yeah left that shit. Not coming back.

I've already said my reasons on why I left to a few people, but in short, it's just not the same place it used to be. I still keep in touch with some people I met here tho, and my discord and tumblr DMs are always open for those who still bother having me around.

Any chance of a comeback?

Not in the near future, but not impossible. It seems to be a trend among "retired" writers to come back eventually so, maybe someday I'll come back as well.

Yujin? Kep1er?

Yujin (the Choi variant) still the loml. And Kep1er always in my heart. STAN KEP1ER YOU FUCKS

If you made it here, have another Yujin

#update

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butch-reidentified · 1 year

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ima go ahead n answer both these at once if that's good w yall.

here's the referenced post for anyone who missed it.

I've posted a LOT about adoption before. feel free to search #adoption, #ethical adoption, #adoptee or #adopted, etc in my tags for those posts. if you can't find them bc Tumblr is shit at searching lmk and I will try to dig em up. I have a Google doc of organized/categorized Tumblr links because of the search function being such a joke

anyway that said. what I meant is that it is sooo obvious to most adoptees from a young age that it's a consumer industry and we are a product for sale. most of us who always knew we were adopted have that horrifying realization very very young, far too young to know how to deal with it. yes I am glad when other people figure this out too but it's a bit irritating for non adoptees to act like this is some mystical wisdom they alone could've uncovered when it's part of the trauma inherent to adoption to realize you were purchased 🤷

I'm not against adoption like some adoptees are, but I could write ESSAYS on my criticisms of the industry and how it SHOULD work. in fact, I have written essay length posts about it in the tags listed above. but ultimately nobody gives a fuck & NOBODY of any political orientation wants to hear that adoption perhaps isn't the utterly selfless flawless silver bullet solution to unwanted kids that everyone treats it as. yet statistically we KNOW most adoptees are extremely damaged by it, the research is there but nobody talks about it. nobody likes you if you talk about it. the walls go up real quick.

one of my favorite things is how adoption seems to be the ONE area that absolutely nobody respects lived material experience about. even loads of leftists/radfems who are always going on and on about the importance of listening to people's real, lived experiences will aggressively talk over us adoptees if we dare have the audacity to critique adoption/the adoption industry or acknowledge that it's fuckin traumatic even for an infant being yanked away from the only stimuli you knew for 9 months and put somewhere where you can't recognize yourself in anyone or anything for the next 18+ years. and that's best case scenario! scenario where they don't abuse you or spend your childhood guilt tripping you because they oh so selflessly took you in when nobody wanted you and now look how difficult you are, crying all the time n shit... just as 1 common experience I know many share from my own life and talking to other adoptees.

but nearly every time we try to talk about this, even if it has nothing to do with criticizing the adoption industry and we are JUST tryna get painful shit off our chest, some non adoptee or 8 is/are gonna jump down our throat (and often even say all the same shit our parents guilted us with as kids lmao)

it's also 1000% a feminist issue bc SO many mothers are forced into adopting out a kid they wanna keep, or adoption being available is used to justify forcing women to give birth instead of aborting an unwanted pregnancy when those women would otherwise choose the latter. not to mention the designer baby shit & the preference for white male babies... and the fact that it's human beings being literally sold as a good. Just because it's legal and isn't outright sex slavery or "forced labor" (tho adopted kids are so often viciously abused and often in those exact ways) doesn't make it right to buy or sell a human being, doesn't make it not human trafficking. & I say this as an adoptee who was ALSO trafficked as a teenager.

#mine #ask #anon ask #anon #ethical adoption #adopted #adoptee #adoption industry #legal trafficking

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lovelyheartclover · 4 months

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Alright time to update the little gay friends on my phone /pos

As many of y'all know, school has started for me again so ill be more busy from now on and be MOSTLY inactive on Tumblr for awhile, ill probably be online/availabe on the weekends though, so yeah, ive also closed asks for now too but you guys can still DM me if you want, ill probably respond really late tho which I apologize for /gen

Mentaly im doing okay but my moodswings are still happening and are pretty bad sometimes ngl, but im feeling fine right now as I type this post so dont worry for me too much y'all, I promise im going to take it easy and take care of myself (:-)

I hope you guys take care of yourselves and be nice to yourself too, you deserve kindness and respect (:-) I love you guys /p and ill miss y'all alot!!! Take care!!

@zombytommy @lilywily143 @m0n1q @absolute-solver @violettfae @magicalmousey @dark-nymph3t @bigpinkbaguette @idunaflo @cyber333izzie @seaslugdisco @cube-was-here @uzibrainrot @mozzyspurt @dorkynerd23 @kittydragondraws @todomemolesta18 @eyebex @vixxelle

If I miss any of you guys Im SO SORRY THERES SO MANY OF YALL OMG 😭😭😭

#Clover's text #mutuals 💌💌💌#life update i guess???#update

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stormblessed95 · 1 year

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Hi Storm, i just wanted to say you are amazing! I just recently joined tumblr and your blog was the first blog i ever followed! I googled something and it brought me straight to your blog and i have been hooked ever since! I love how objective you are! The respect i had for you increased when i saw that even though you are a Jikook supporter, you do not hesitate to clear up any misinformation, even those that could be beneficial to Jikook! I love that you are honest and speak your mind! I love how careful you are with your words and the information you dish out! And no Stormy! I donot think you blocking people and curating your space is bullying! At the end of the day our mental health is important! If you need to block people for the sake of your mental health, by all means do it and NEVER explain yourself or apologize for it! I know my words may not mean much but i cannot imagine what you must have gone through this past few days! If you need to step away for a while, please do and only come back when you are ready to be back! Jikook isn’t giving us much to talk about anyway lol! But yea, get out of the negativity and hopefully when you are back, this whole shitshow will be over! I will miss you tho! But while you are gone, i’ll just continue reading your blog since i’m not done with everything anyways! Wish you the best dear❤️

And thats why I'm leaving my blog up, even when I log out in the next day or two. I know lots of people are still working through my masterlist and want to be able to still do that. And others still like to reference back for links to older content. I don't want to take that away from yall even though I need some space. 💜

And thank you. Your kind words are very appreciated and mean a lot to me. Thank you truly.

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ca-kie · 2 years

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it’s summer ✿ steve harrington

❀ [1.8k] best friend!steve harrington x fem!reader ✎.ೃ࿐ ˖♡ Every summer is hell. Both physically, and mentally. It's hot, and you still can't help but stay in your room all day. Right now, it's late, really late, and you're having another night-time descent to depression. You need someone with you, so who's best to call but your best friend? Wait- no- sorry! Nevermind... ╰┈➤ angst (also hurt/comfort?), fluff, implied suicidal ideation (if you've been thru it, you'll see it), descriptions of an anxiety attack, symptoms of depression, best friends to lovers !! , reader is implied to be shorter than steve and can wear his sweaters (doesnt say how it fits them tho!)

a/n: HI so this is actually my first fic uhmmmm!! i've based this fic a little on my own experiences with staying up late bc of anxiety, depression, all that jazz—and if at any point you feel triggered, its completely okay to click off! if i've missed any warnings pls dont hesitate to comment! same goes for things i could improve on! ALSO!! GUYS REBLOGGING HELPS A TON!! IT GETS WRITERS MORE REACH N STUFF!!!

a/n 2: i edited a bit lol

also! you do not have permission to translate/post this onto other websites, tumblr is my only posting site as of now, and i will inform yall if i ever decide to add another.

It should be playful splashes of water, and half-melted popsicles to beat the heat. Water balloon fight filled days, and picnics in the park. Stargazing in the cool of the night, and tired heads resting on shoulders. Where sweets and junk food replace heavy textbooks and tossed aside essays.

Yet, it’s 4 seconds in, and 4 seconds out. It’s, “5 things you can see, 4 you can touch…” It’s sleepless nights filled with loneliness and anxiety. It’s dried-out tears on your cheeks as you stare at the dark of your wall. You can’t close your eyes without the intrusion of no-good-thoughts. You can’t keep them open without feeling like your lungs are closing in on themselves. You’re too scared to sleep, dreading having to battle through another, repetitive and emotionally-exhausting day. You just want it to stop.

‘Splash some water on your face to ground yourself’ your mom had told you. But as soon as you open your eyes, patting away leftover droplets, your gaze drifts over to the bathtub. A bucket of water, filled to the brim. You’re tired, everything is too much and you just need a break. The cold prickles against your fingertips, gliding smoothly as you draw patterns. Plugging your nose, you dip your head in; coming back up with a sense of refreshed-ness. Albeit, short-lived, but refreshing none-the-less. You find yourself chasing that feeling.

A soft stream of water…

Plop

Plip

Plop

Plip

You gasp, running to turn off the sink faucet. The stopper had somehow broken, and plugged up the sink. Fortunately, only a small puddle had formed during your reverie. God, you’d be dead meat if your mom found out you’d accidentally flooded the bathroom at 2am. After getting a rug to clean up your mess, you take a look at the mirror. Your swollen eyes had calmed down after being soaked with ice-cold water. You had as well.

Not ready to go back to the dark confines of your bedroom, you sat down on the closed toilet seat. Only now, do you realize what you were thinking about whilst zoned out. And, god, did it scare you. Your breathing got more ragged, shallow, and all your senses were heightened. You were home alone.

Alone.

Again.

The vent was getting too loud, and the lights too bright. The bathroom mat beneath you more spiky than soft. Knives were running through your heart. Tears were threatening to fall, and you wanted to crawl out of your skin. Everything was getting so uncomfortable. You just wanted to shed like a snake and float away into the night; carried by the wind to faraway places. You needed something to ground you. Tell you that you’re okay. And by instinct, your feet led you to the kitchen phone. Dialing the oh-so-familiar digits that you knew by heart. You fidgeted with the phone cord, focusing on the swirly loops going through your fingers.

Doooot, doooot.

Click

A faint ruffle, then a sleep-dowsed voice spoke, “Hello…?”

You waited a few seconds to respond, processing the fact that Steve actually answered. You didn’t expect anyone to pick up at this time. Especially not him. A small whisper followed, meek and lined with unspoken apologies, “Hi.” “Y/n? Shit- Are… are you okay?” Steve could hear the sadness in your voice, the emptiness and longing for comfort. His heart broke a little at the thought of you going through this again. He knows about the many sleepless nights you go through, mind racing with terrible thoughts, “Wait, I- no- That was a stupid question, do you-” You panicked. Feeling bothersome because you had awoken Steve from his slumber; guilty knowing how much he needs it. “Uhm- I… Can you…” A deep breath in, “nevermind, I’m-sorry-I-woke-you-up-bye.” You spurt out quickly, putting the phone back without waiting for an answer and running back up the stairs.

Back to your blanket pile of pathetic-ness. Because that’s what you are, right? Just a pile of pathetic-ness who always bothers those around them with their problems.

He probably hates you now. Called him up at 3am for nothing? You’re so needy. He can probably tell that you’re fucking obsessed with him. Your friendship will probably go downhill from here. And that's all your fault. You stuffed your face into your pillow. Just wanting the night to end. The ticking from your clock is the only thing that can be heard, besides your breathing and the occasional night breeze. You sigh, and focus on the ticking sound to push any negative thoughts away. Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Ti– Plink!

… Plink!

Plink! You sprang up from your bed. That isn’t your clock ticking anymore. And it’s coming from the window. Cautiously, you grab the closest solid object near you, ready to chuck at whatever’s outside the glass. You swish your curtains aside and… Steve? Your brows furrow as you take him in; clad in plaid pajama pants and a gray pullover, backpack in his hand, pebbles in the other. He sighs in relief when your figure appears in the window. As soon as you hung up on him, he sprinted to his car, grabbing a few things along the way. He knew you were having another bad night, and it stung his heart—of which you hold—remembering how quiet and shaky your voice sounded. He yells as loud as he can at 3am, “Y/n! Can I come up?” Shock and confusion makes up your expression, blinking a few times before nodding and opening your window. Steve being Steve, he climbs up with ease, kicking off his shoes before engulfing you in a big, bear hug. Your face trembles, your emotions coming back to you all at once. He pulls back, grabbing his backpack and bringing out his maroon sweater to put on you. Oh, that sweater.

He knows how much you love it, despite actively denying it. Steve pulls you back into him, your head buried in his shoulder and you cry, “Shh, sweetheart. Let it all out, you’re not alone anymore… I’m here,” he mumbles into your hair, stroking your head comfortingly. His overwhelming affection made you cry even more, which made him hug you tighter.

A few minutes pass, and you’ve moved to your bed. Steve tidied your room up, taking dirty dishes downstairs, and swiftly coming back up with a glass of water, “Drink.”

When you’re done he places it on your bedside table, and cups your face in his hands, analyzing it, “What’s wrong? Or are you not ready to talk about it? I mean, that’s totally okay, we can just lay in bed or whatever.” You give him an appreciative, tight-lipped smile, and gesture to him to lay beside you. Your voice comes out a bit raspy as you thank him, “Steve… I don’t know how to explain to you how grateful I am for you to be such an amazing…” Sniff, “friend… Uhm– I don’t know what I’d do without you, honest.”

Steve smiles, and pulls you in for another hug; your head on his chest. He hopes you can’t hear how fast his heart is beating, and you hope he can’t feel yours, “‘Course poppet. Anything for you.” Your heart skips a beat at the innocent confession, he meant that in a platonic way—and you’re just emotionally vulnerable, right now… Right…? You push your feelings aside, which are probably deceiving you. You look up at him, but he’s already looking at you. You think you can see blush rise to his cheeks as he looks away embarrassed, you tease, “Like the view, Harrington?” Unconsciously, he squirms under your gaze and rolls his eyes, “Aren’t you supposed to be, like, sad right now?” Playfully, you sit up with a ‘humph’, and turn away. You steal the whole blanket from him, “Okay,” before inhaling and letting out a cry reminiscent of a toddler’s. “Literally shut up.” Steve laughed, grabbing you by your waist and tickling you. You jump from his touch, but he pulls you back just as fast. His fingers press harder, and it makes you laugh even louder. Giggles and snickers turned your once sorrowful room into a place of pure joy. No longer was it filled with a sense of loneliness, but a fuller, happier feeling of love. Silly, teenage love.

As you both calm down, you feel warmth rise to your cheeks. Steve is redder than a tomato below you, at that you let out a small giggle. “What?” he asks, “Shit– my hair’s messed up isn’t it?” But that makes you laugh even more, which makes him laugh even more. You collapse into his chest, tired from all the emotions you’ve gone through tonight.

A beat or two passes, the both of you enjoying each other’s presence in silence. It was never awkward when things died down after some banter. Your eyes grow heavy, and you nuzzle closer to Steve’s neck. Leaving soft butterfly kisses that have him growing warmer underneath you, “Thank you Steve. M’grateful to have someone like you…” You brush your lips against his skin; too short to be considered an actual kiss, but lingers long enough to cross the platonic-romantic border. As you fall into your body’s pleas for slumber, a confession of romance tumbles out. Quick, and casual; as if it's said on the regular, which it isn’t. At that, you both freeze. Steve processes your words in his head, “You… what?” You’re quick to put up your defenses, not willing to be hurt again tonight by your own, reckless actions, “Okay, I– Uhm-well-I… I meant that platonically…?” your voice goes up at the end, making you cringe internally at how fake that sounded, “Shit– sorry, it’s just that-”

Quick to interrupt, a confession of his own slips out, “I-love-you-too.” And Steve can see the wave of relief immediately sweeping away your tensed shoulders. You smile up at him, and kiss the corner of his mouth. As much as he tries to fight it, a huge smile appears on his face. Full of genuine elation and adoration. Steve pulls you closer, boops your nose with his, and pecks your lips.

Pulling away, he tsks, “Don’ be a coward, poppet.” Which is immediately met with a punch to his arm, and a peck back.

You throw your arm over his chest, and he pulls the blanket up. Signs of day tickle the sky; indigo, berry blues, a touch of vermillion, finished with a faint sprinkle of stars. Your clock reads 4 AM, but you don’t care. You aren’t going to wake up alone. And you certainly won’t be getting through each day by yourself.

Gone are the constant grounding exercises, and puffy, red eyes; sleepless nights, and negative self-lies. They’re replaced with love-filled hugs, and endless tickles. Feeling loved on bad days, and tissue-caught sniffles. It’s late diner dates, and shared milkshakes. Subtle gazes, and trips to the lake.

It’s finally summer.

❀

#ೄྀ fifi's bookshop ! ˊˎ #steve harrington #best friend!steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington angst #steve harrington fluff #hurt/comfort #whump #??? i think #stranger things fic #stranger things x reader #stranger things fanfiction

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gideongrovel · 3 months

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rambling vent (still on my trip tho, sorry for the inactivity for those who didn't know)

Last full on my trip rn but i am feeling exhausted,,,, 😭😭😭😭 Tomorrow will be heading home,,, thinking about all the airport stuff has me stressed (not the flying part, I like being high up, its just like the security and people stress me),,, 😓

The trip has been fun mostly,,, but not relaxing in the slightest 😓😓😓 Its been nice to see my older brother since we can geek out about OP together in person, and he like gave me some gifts for it,,,,, but without getting into it,,, there are reasons i dont like being around him either,,, so its a mixed bag 🫤 and my dad is such a misogynist and bigot having to hear the shit he says and not being able to leave when he says it is infuriating 🙄🙄🙄🙄

I am such a shut in, and normally leave the house like maybe 5 times a month if even that,,,,, so going out and about for 9 days straight is alot for me- i know thats nothing to most "normal" people,,,,, but for someone in my life/situation it's alot,,,,,,, being around people and being active so much has me drained completely 😓😓😓😓😓 Im feeling such burn out,,,, and I miss my cats (especially my lil baby ET,, she is very codependent towards me so I've been worried how she has been holding up 😢), also since i was scared of them getting broken or stolen on the plane- i didnt bring my Chop or Brook figures and i miss them too!! I need my wife and bf 😭😭😭😭 Not bring my main comfort items was a big mistake,,, but the stress of something happening also was too much- so I couldn't win either way,,,,

I always feel awful when I get this level of burn out / sad feeling on a trip,,,, they're supposed to be a good time but I've held back from crying a few times now,,,, I just wanna be home in my own bed, shower where im familiar with, being able to do stuff on my own pace, just like my regular routine stuff in general 😭😭😭😭 At the same time going back home means having to deal with some family i dislike being around- which I am not looking forward to,,,, 😓😓😓

Burnout sometimes will put me in depressive episodes, and feeling emotional highs my crashing is always bad,,,,,, 😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓

ALSO I MISS GETTING ON HERE!! IM MISSING SO MUCH NOT BEING ABLE TO CHECK ANYTHING 😭😭😭😭 tumblr crashes too much for me to check anything on my phone,,,, i really hope yall are doing good,,,, like idk if my absence has been noticable or cared about? (/nm) but i do miss yall alot,,, miss seeing your creations and ships 😭😭😭 it will be too much to check 9days worth on everyone pages so i am sorry for everything i missed

But anyways just have to make it though today and the flights tomorrow 😭 then things can go back to normal

#this is incoherent my thoughts are jumping around but this is typed off the dome so sorry about that #my post #also i dont have the energy to read it over so sorry for the typo or any autocorrects that make this hard to read

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eupdosia · 13 days

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I will cry / my conspiracies

where is my sweet tooth hyperfix guys at (spoilers be warned)

guys. guys cmon. plz. i have been SO SO SO addicted to sweet tooth. i love the show, i love tiger and bears relashionship until yknow last episode season 2, i have been addicted to sweet tooth since i can remember, but i only know TWO irl friends who have watched it before. (one is a random polish boy in my class who i forced to watch it) ((he still did)), i love bear & wendy’s sisterhood, i love tommy and i love johnny abbot. this is mostly just a rant post i don’t even know how tumblr works lowk downloaded it only 30 mins ago max.

i have a conspiracy that um johnny abbot is still alive, maybe i love him too much to get over his so called ‘death’ but DUDE. hear me out yall, okay, so, at the end of s2 when tommy was talking about like all the shit ppl lost n allat and talking about aimee etc etc, y’know the parts where they showed everyone who died in that episodes grave? yknow? the sight of the last men and the animal army when they fought at their homebase ye? basically everyone who died and allat? well tell me why they didn’t even show johnny. no grave, not even his body, NOTHING. sure it showed his gutair but what is THAT supposed to mean?? like i know there was obvious signs he ‘died’ when his brother shot him (f u) BUT what if he was saved by dr. singh when he came after gus, tommy & wendy & becky left? what if he found johnny? i know it’s very unlikely but atp i do not care. i need this man to have some respectful funeral in some way so badly, i miss him sm he lowk deserved more than what he got. i love him and all he wanted to do was go HOME. 💔 like johnny no don’t cry please i love you plzzzz sigh.

also i love you birdie please don’t be dead even tho u caused liek family trauma basically and you MIGHT have been the reason the whole world died :P, love you bae 💕 c u in alaska 🤫

anyway any sweet tooth fans out there hmu cuz i’m craving a conversation rn

#sweet tooth #gus sweet tooth #johnny abbot #sweet tooth netflix #fandom things #rant post #peace #idk man #idk what else to tag #womp womp

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unforth · 8 months

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I try not to let Tumblr discourse get to me but ngl I die a little every time, as a native New Yorker, I see yall who've never been to NYC reacting to bodega talk with gEeZe KaReN wE hAvE cOrNeR sToReS tOo. Like...why is it so hard to believe that maybe the corner stores in a place as diverse as NYC would be a little different and would have elements that aren't the same as corner stores most other places, and why has reacting with fury to the people who like bodegas generated enough anger that I've seen multiple 10k+ posts lambasting this idea that bodegas are part of NYC culture over the years?

I just. Don't get it. We don't usually treat other regional differences this way. I'm not subjected to lingonberry or grape pie discourse, and when people are like Wegmans is awesome if anyone dares say iTs JuSt A gRoCeRy StOrE people unleash hell on them (even tho, as much as I adore Wegmans...it is just a grocery store). We just go "oh shit local stuff is different that's awesome!" What about the bodega thing makes people (who genuinely have no idea if NYC bodegas are different or not) get so ANGRY about it? Do yall think bodegas are like...high class places where white people shop? Or is it something something latinx people? What am I missing here about the hate?

I'm from NYC, and I've lived multiple other places, and there are corner stores similar to bodegas where I live now but not other places I've been, and I'm sure there's a range, and there IS something weird and liminal and other about many, though not all, NYC bodegas, and why does saying that produce such a strong reaction I DONT GET IT why did this become hate instead of a cool meme about the insane shit we can find at the bodega like damn I just need a rock from the Gobi desert gee where you gonna get that at the bodega duh I'm missing something here about the violence of people's reactions to NYC people talking about this and every time I see a post about it trying to figure out why everyone is so pissed at us for loving a type of store we have locally breaks my brain

#unforth rambles

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bbarican · 6 months

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october 21, 2023; 8:59 pm - weekend

hi tumblr, happy weekend! kamusta naman kayo? how are your weekends so far?

as usual, just dropping by to post some updates here (usually and mostly for myself but if you do end up reading these, thank you ♡)

personal:

today was super lovely, we ended up going to makati for lunch and a bit of shopping

my mom bought us new sunnies and im super happy kasi i have new pair to wear to our trips soon

we tried sunnies coffee's spanish latte and tbh sobrang sarap niya as in super high quality ng lasa niya not like pick up coffee or but first coffee (imo!) which i kind of expected na ganun yung lasa niya kasi theyre primarily not a brand that sells drinks talaga to begin with but it was a 10/10 for me; im excited to try their matcha tho

i decluttered my closet and i feel so light and happy about it kasi super konti nalang talaga yung natira and im 300% sure na yung mga tinira ko is sinusuot ko naman talaga

the clothes i took out, i plan on donating sa h&m since they do offer vouchers in return so im excited to do that too

food today was good too, we had shake shack for lunch, then i made my favorite cheesy bread with hot honey for dinner

im excited for tomorrow kasi my dad is finally back from japan!

im so excited for 1989 taylor's version too! i keep forgetting na i really like the songs on this album pala talaga

its my mom's birthday next week and im just excited to spend it with her; im sad na i dont have extra money to get her anything this year pero babawi nalang ako sakanya for sure

work:

i have quite a bit to do tomorrow to prep for my end of the month mtg on monday

again, for some reason kinakabahan ako pero i know naman na everything's gonna work out

we also have a sponty general assembly kasi we need all the help we can get from the designers na hindi masyadong loaded to help those who are busy to turnover their projects this and next month

im just always excited to see my office besties; i love how makulit we all are tapos nag tutugma talaga ugali naming lahat

oh my god you guys may kinaiinisan ako na officemate kol; tamad na ko to make another post about him pero long story short super tanga niya and i hate him

im so excited as in super super super excited for our company outing

friends:

this is a shocker even until now pero i really feel like 100% break na yung best friend ko and his boyfriend of 7 years

its really sad and heartbreaking kasi the guy even planned on proposing to my bestfriend na pero i know my bestfriend deserves better talaga especially with how theyve been these past few months

i miss them! noel and chesy are officially on their own and chevy is still doing her thing and i will forever be grateful na they are safe and happy

id love to meet new people though; i feel like meeting new people would be so exciting

love:

i still have bumble on my phone and the biggest update i can give yall is the fact na i just adjusted the ange range to 27-40 i think HAHA

cause i really dont want to date younger men UNLESS theyre super mature and not super bata pa talaga ng pagiisip

but yeah other than that wala as in wala akong kausap and sometimes it takes a toll on me but most of the time im fine

again, thank you for reading and caring about my updates, i love you ♡

#bbarican #personal #thoughts #writings #updates #dump #list

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