#i mean where do i even start
Photo
Salt Lake Tribune, 14 August 1977
#no i don't want to sleep and go to work i want to unpack ALL OF THIS RIGHT NOW#he's just out here saying things to the salt lake tribune its fine#i mean where do i even start#the last paragraph took me the fuck out#literally walked into my house and hit me in the face with a frying pan#and i also literally have that photo but hey i'm normal about it#it's just sitting on my desk hello#anyway stick taps to the utah digital newspapers archive#mash 4077#m*a*s*h#blue's post#mash#david ogden stiers
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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck#good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen#im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3#writeblr#the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also#''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist#i was <3 punctured <3 during mine#and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3#she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh#ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance#i'd crash on the table#like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it#and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just#woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes#she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room#from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing#and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying#and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap#with this terrible memory#i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like#that was too many liters#and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home#i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after#that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty#you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it#while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED#and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.
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weird hearing "were you a Theatre Kid" "were you a Sports Kid" "were you a Choir Kid" "were you a Dance Kid" bc no? i mean i did all of that and more but resented ever minute of it? actively avoided sticking with anything? i was a "In This Family After School Activities Are Mandatory Kid"
#oh and i was really really bad at all of it btw#which was a good thing actually otherwise i would have gotten bored even *more* quickly#christ if i was good at a Activity i probably would have had to stick with it#that would have been EXHAUSTING#i survived soooo many Activities by standing in the background doing the bare minimum so I could focus on the Hyperrealistic Daydreams#baseball was my favorite. if u wear a glove u can literally just stand in the back of a field & stare at grass & no one bothers you#i mean usually no one bothers you but there is one specific situation where everyone starts yelling your name real loud and pointing
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This is sad but unfortunately I think this is just going to be the norm for the next few years as streaming services die a slow death.
HBO Max should in theory be able to make money from a show that was at one point the top new series in the US. At the time, David Jenkins said "This is what happens when a major media company invests in inclusive mainstream stories" (agree!) but unfortunately that major media company, like all streaming services, has a terrible business model that can't support that investment.
This is an interesting article about how streaming services are losing money and scrambling to make it back by trying to convince people to buy cheaper, ad-supported options or bundling with other streaming services. Unfortunately for them, I think that's like... all of the options? At some point they're just going to continue to lose money. Making shows is expensive and very few consumers are willing to pay more when they could just cancel and use a cheaper service (or, you know. 🏴☠️)
This is also a good article that was written after Shadow and Bone was cancelled by Netflix about whether it could be saved:
"The problem is that while saving shows used to be plausible, at times, the cost of Shadow and Bone combined with the fact that streaming services are really, really starting to cut back on spending means that this would be an extremely tough sell. WB Discovery’s Max is being lambasted for killing finished projects for tax breaks to chip into its massive debt. Disney Plus has done the same thing and has said they will cut back on things like expensive Marvel shows. Amazon Prime is mired in expensive creator deals going nowhere and throwing insane amounts of money at projects they are realizing are not panning out. Paramount Plus losing $500 million a year. NBC’s Peacock is losing $650 million a quarter."
TLDR; Streaming services have reached such a dire point financially that they have to cancel some of their most popular content (Marvel shows on Disney+???? These have seemingly been very successful; it's wild to read that they're "cutting back") in the desperate hope that a new season of something that's cheaper to make will get more attention.
What I gathered from these articles is that steaming services are dying a slow death and sadly, a lot of good shows are going to go with them.
#as a teacher i'm Very Familiar With Budget Cuts and listen#when they start doing stuff that doesn't even make logical sense you know it's bad#this is the point where they're pointing at chairs in the break room being like 'do we really need that'#streaming was a terrible business model in the first place#subscriber services are pyramid schemes no i will not elaborate#mine#our flag means death#ofmd#rip in peace#where else can i watch con o'neill tho#him saying 'ooh daddy' haunts my nightmares i want to watch all of his content
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Have you taken any pottery classes or were you entirely self taught? I REALLY want to get into it but classes are quite expensive
I took some sculpting in undergrad, but it was in the context of casting and mold-making, not ceramics. So I'm fairly comfortable with clay as a medium but not so much with clay as an end product--not being able to do armatures and having to think about firing is weird. (If I had the opportunity to do bronze casting again, though, I would, no hesitation.) That puts me in the minority of my current pottery peers, who are largely self-taught or only learned in our studio.
I do pottery now at a co-op studio space, and technically that means that I'm taking classes there--but the classes are more like guided lab time? There's not really assignments or anything, and there's only a couple other people who sculpt, none of whom are in my class. Mostly the class just means that the person in charge demonstrates a technique or two once a week and then lets us do our thing.
Personally I think that shared studio space is the absolute best way to go. You spend less in startup costs (kilns are EXPENSIVE, running kilns is expensive, glaze is expensive) and it plugs you directly in to a group of fellow artists who can help and support you at whatever skill level you're at. Yes, classes are expensive--my class is $250 per season. But for me that includes lab space, 50 lbs of clay per season, almost all of the glaze I use, kiln time, and other people doing all the maintenance and kiln loading/unloading etc. Very much money well spent.
Artist-run shared spaces are often not turning a profit on anything with studio fees, just covering operations costs, so while it's pricey, it generally is just...what it costs to do that hobby. And it is sooooo much easier to be motivated when you're going to what is, basically, Grown-Up Art Club.
But if costs are prohibitive for you to do pottery via classes, and you want to learn to sculpt, then get some polymer clay and see what you can do. It's a different game than actual clay, but form is form, and the medium is secondary to figuring out how to translate an idea into reality.
Polymer clay is relatively affordable and doesn't require nearly the infrastructure of ceramics. If you can't spend the money on classes or a shared studio, then polymer clay is a great way to develop technique and an eye so that when you're in a position to spend the money, you already have the skills to make it worth what you're spending.
#most people who have home pottery studios are either in a position to easily afford that#or are selling their work at a caliber to justify the expenses of making the studio space#which is not what will happen when you are starting out.#pottery is far and away my most expensive hobby and that means#that when it's done#the Minotaur series is going to get sold#probably for as much as I think i can get for it#and probably that means I am going to have to Find A Gallery and Submit Work To Gallery and be#in short#in hell. i have not had to think about doing gallery submissions in so long#and i am dreading it.#anyway if anyone knows a gallery in like. michigan or chicago and can hook me up#i have some sad cows that need homes#i kind of want to keep my sad cow mans forever but also where would i even put them? better to be treasured by someone else#and maybe i will make one extra sad cow. for me.
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trying to enjoy my silly little time traveling sci-fi show while clara and the doctor say the most devastating things to and about each other every other episode like my god
If the Doctor is still the Doctor, he will have my back.
Clara, I'm not your boyfriend. // I never thought you were. // I never said it was your mistake.
Please, just...Just see me.
Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?
Clara, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm exactly what you deserve.
There was one other man. But it would've never worked out. He was impossible.
When do I not see you?
Die with whoever comes after me, you do not leave me.
I don't care about your rules, or your bloody survivor's guilt. If you love me in any way, you'll come back.
Immortality isn't living forever, that's not what it feels like. Immortality is everybody else dying. She might meet someone she can't bear to lose. That happens, I believe.
I let Clara Oswald get inside my head, trust me, she doesn't leave.
Longest month of my life. // It could only have been five minutes. // I'll be the judge of time.
I will die, and no one else here or anywhere will suffer. // What about me?
Everything you're about to say, I already know. don't do it now, we've already had enough bad timing.
Don't run. Stay with me.
I was lost a long time ago, she was saving you.
If you think because she is dead I'm weak, then you understand very little. If you were any part of killing her and you're not afraid, then you understand nothing at all.
The day you lose someone isn't the worst...it's all the days they stay dead.
I'd know you anywhere.
What were you bargaining for? // What do you think? You.
If she says so.
I had a duty of care.
People like me and you, we should say things to one another.
Look how far I went, for fear of losing you.
You said "memories become stories when we forget them." Maybe some of them become songs.
hand in unlovable hand
#also of course any iteration of 'my clara'#or that line in before the flood where bennett is like 'youre just doing this to save clara' and the doctor is like 'yeah? and?'#like even w/ 11 we start to see just how far the doctor will go for her but 12 really drops the pretense that he cares about anyone but her#just finished a rewatch of Clara's episodes and feeling the entire spectrum of human emotion about them#may I one day experience a love half as insane as theirs#clara jumping into his time stream means they have 900+ years of inextricably linked history whether they know it or not like....#yeah i'd be unhinged about you too#everyone say 'thank you missy' for bringing these two together and nearly causing the destruction of the universe#doctor who#clara oswald#doctorclara#I'm not ready to start Bill's episodes what happens to her makes me physically ill#twelveclara
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I feel like if Dipper were ever reincarnated as a demon, he wouldn't fit in super well with the others. Yes, he's been raised to vie for power and step on everyone in his way using whatever means is necessary - it's the same toxic bizz as when he was a human, appealing to gender norms. He's tougher, scarier, more powerful (than ordinary humans, that is), but when it comes to asserting control - being Evil - he doesn't have it in him. Given enough time, I think he'd grow pretty vocal about leaving living things alone. NOT torturing organisms for the hell of it, or stealing people's souls, or conquering planets. Sure, he's a demon. That's no excuse to be a MONSTER.
It's a VERY unpopular opinion amongst neighboring demons, and rumor spreads fast about the Goody Two-Shoed Activist imp raining on everyone's blood-splattered parade, so much so that it makes it to Bill, who's immediately intrigued. Call it intuition, but only one soul's capable of overriding goddamn demon nature for some preachy bullshit about "Doing Good." Lucky for him, demons occupy the same plane of existence, so all it really takes to verify the guy is a snap of his fingers, and POOF! He's floating right next to him. Sure enough, Dipper's fashioned himself a new and improved demonic form, and it is lovely!
No one likes Dipper's kumbaya "Can't We All Just Get Along" ideology, but Bill's almost instantly smitten with the guy, whoever he is, so he's gotta be at least somewhat powerful. Demons take notice when the all-powerful Bill Cipher starts lending his time (and magic?) to some low-leveler like Dipper. Is he being blackmailed? Are they working together? No. Not possible. Bill doesn't "work" with anyone, save for whatever human catches his eye every few decades. Doesn't look to be doing him any benefit, either. The opposite, even. Lending power to a saint like Dipper only makes it harder to cause chaos, after all. Why would he actively go against his OWN best interest to cater some imp's? It's almost like he's. He's.
A henchmen.
(Bill's also 30% more affectionate the first month they reunite, because he still can't believe that his adorable little human husband came back as the same SPECIES as him! He'd never complain over having a sweet human to squeeze, but one with teeth and claws and cute pointy ears doesn't hurt).
#answers#I can't help but picture demon dipper starting out all like#I'm Bad 😡 I'm Mean 😡 I'm Evil As Heck!! 😡#And still having a HUGE hatred for things that are Unfair or Unjust. One time he saved a kitten from a tree and got embarrassed about it#Eventually he just has to give into his nature and speak up about all the BULLSHIT he sees going on around him#Sorry Dippin' Dots even the society that 'raised' you can't prevent you from your do-gooder ways#Don't worry Bill loves you for the stupid idiot you are#Everyone is completely BAFFLED by Bill acting like a friggin' henchman though#I bet they don't even peg it as romantic interest at first. Dipper sure doesn't#He's thinking this is some Grand Scheme to convince him back into the evil fold#And to be fair Bill's very tempting in that respect. But not leaning as hard into it as he *could* be#Maybe he thinks Bill's trying to 'mentor' him for something. Seems like the kind of thing Bill would imply and let Dipper fill in the gaps#They're technically not the same SPECIES since Dipper's probably some human-shaped 'demon'#And Bill's originally from a two-dimensional weird universe. Technically speaking he's His Own Thing#Aside from whatever refugees escaped that plane. If any.#Demon covers a LOT of different beings that don't have much or any genetics in common#But you KNOW Bill's thrilled as hell that Dipper's Slightly More Immortal than usual!! This one's gonna last a WHILE#*slams fist on table* Give Dipper A Tail With A Tuft That Bill Can Pull To Be Annoying#Final thought: In this incarnation Bill might have been wondering where the hell Dipper got to since there's no human around#Given a long enough time he might even wonder if he was LOST#So you know that when Dipper reemerges on the scene everyone else was dealing with a VERY unhappy Bill Cipher for QUITE a while
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2023 reads
The Spider And Her Demons
YA Australian urban fantasy/horror
about a Malaysian-Chinese girl who’s half spider-demon, just trying to keep her head down and survive high school
when she accidentally kills and eats a man in front of the most popular girl at school, they strike up a strange friendship and she starts to learn more about herself and the supernatural world
aroacespec/sapphic ish
#The Spider And Her Demons#Sydney Khoo#loveozya#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#you give me a teenage girl with giant hair spider legs who scuttles across her bedroom wall on page 3#and then eats a man and i am already sold.#also aus books are always so familiar compared to US books :)#and yes sexuality stuff is ambiguous but basically: a bunch of discussion on relationship hierachies (ie friendship equally/more important)#themes of feeling unlovable bc you're different and different forms of love#multiple times the MC says she has no interest in dating or relationships and also is touch (and maybe sex) repulsed#- but of course that Also has to do with the whole Being A Monster thing#and it definitely shows some kind of attraction to dior - ie looking at her lips/bare skin; blushing; etc#and ends on sort of hand kiss / 'is this something??' vibes#I asked the author and they said they see them as QPR / platonic soulmates but are not at the point where they would know what to call it#which makes total sense to me!#the part of me who wants more obvious aroace YA wishes it was a little more specific#but also I DO love ambiguity and I think it wouldn't be true to the characters#who are clearly not even ready to start figuring that stuff out.#and also. aroacespec sapphics is like. also something i want#also like. I think it's reductive to assume just because 'looks at lips' is a common allo attraction trope....doesn't necessarily mean#it has to be that. yknow.#anyway. i loved it a lot.#gross spidergirl (affectionate)......#also dior is such an interesting and complex character. like another book could have made her nicer or less fucked up
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We're going to save your brother.
#mario movie#mario movie spoilers#super mario bros#super mario bros movie#super mario bros movie spoilers#princess peach#mareach#cherrysip edits#I FEEL LIKE THIS MOMENT DID NOT GET THE ATTENTION AND APPRECIATION IT DESERVED ON HERE#man i could write you an essay about this#i do think that the 'i'm not afraid! i'll do anything for my brother' line actually ISN'T said during this scene - it's probably earlier#but that this line IS in the right place (peach's mouth movements match)#which means that scene is going to break me because it just seems like a very vulnerable sweet moment between them#where peach and mario get to talk about the situation they're in and their fears and how big the stakes are for both of them#peach fighting to protect her kingdom and her subjects - the immense pressure on her to stop bowser because of her role as a leader#and mario desperately trying to save his brother - not knowing if luigi is ok or not and not being able to keep him safe is so painful#i think that's why mario doesn't have his hat on - the adventure is starting to weigh on him and he opens up to peach for the first time#about him and luigi and their closeness and how he CAN'T lose his brother he CAN'T let him down when he needs him more than ever#and peach reassures him and it means the world. even in this quick clip there's something a little sad about his face#but also there's relief and gratefulness to her for saying that. they're the absolute sweetest :) :) :)#i could be off base but that really does seem like the vibe of this scene from what we've seen and i am ALL ABOUT IT
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#I've played with irl atheists and catholics and everything in between#but it rarely feels like faith is a real factor for anyone-- DM or player#outside of‚ again‚ divine spellcasters and Big Epic Plot Things#I mean there are a couple of 'RAAAHGH FUCK THE GODS >:C' edgy backstory types but#no one is just Normally Culturally Religious and it's WEIRD#like it's not even a matter of faith in dnd! the gods are LITERALLY OBJECTIVELY PROVABLY REAL#so what does that MEAN for the average person! how does it shape language? business? culture?#where are the people wearing holy symbols like amulets-- or the way modern christians very casually wear crosses?#blessings over meals? prayers before bed? burnt offerings?#and like I enjoy thinking about world and culture building but I know that's A Whole Thing but even just like...#it doesn't feel like anyone believes in gods at all except clerics and paladins#like they DO because they factually exist but in the same way I 'believe in' like. the president of france.#like yeah he exists and is important to some people but has no bearing on my life whatsoever#that's such a fucking weird approach to the DIVINE in a polytheist world where those gods are YOUR CULTURE'S GODS??#I am bad at this myself but I'm not religious so it's harder for me to remember what Being Religious All The Time Casually is like lol#funny enough my character with the most intentionally religious background in this sense#is one of my ones who's ended up wrapped up in Big Plot God Things lmao#'aubree starts the campaign with a holy symbol of yondalla because of course she does why wouldn't she'#'oh okay well she's gonna get deeply and personally entangled with a bunch of death gods immediately' fdkjghkdf oh!! welp#you don't really pray to urogalan unless you're breaking ground for a new building or someone just died so it's STILL weird for her lol#but at least I had the framework there of 'oh yeah the gods exist and matter to me and my everyday life and culture' in general#about me#posts from twitter
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They created a strange tableau: rabid boy, trapped girl, bombed-out building. It suggested a tale that could only end in tragedy. Star-crossed lovers meeting their fate. A revenge story turned in on itself. A war saga that took no prisoners.
#coriolanus x lucy gray#snowbaird#tbosasedit#tbosas#the hunger games#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#exactly a five min edit to express my undying devotion to a book!version of them#because you know what?? tbosas movie was a properly made thg prequel but it was HOSTILE to coryo x lg shippers#it wasn't wuthering heights enough it wasn't hozier enough it wasn't hadestown enough!!!!!!!#but above all it wasn't BRAVE enough#2k23 cinema is so hesitant when it comes to love stories it's almost revolting#tom blyth worked his heart off for what????? for one tiny kiss where rachel isn't even an active participant?????#where are you 'he kissed her until his lip started to bleed'?????#i hate the erasure of many defining moments and dialogues#i hate they didn't make 'pure as the driven snow' lucy gray's love confession to her murderous bf#i hate their first kiss was ruined i hate we didn't get the reunion they deserved 'YOU FOUND ME' 'YOU KNEW I WOULD'#heartfelt and dubios innocent and calculated meant to be and meant to be apart MY SNAKES AND SONGBIRDS BOTH OF THEM#this film had almost succeeded in wiping out the whole meaning of their dynamics and I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT#shitty things i do for love
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I don't know what I will become. No one does. But for now, I am me.
happy one month of wallaru being out. i finished this like two days after the spoiler wall dropped on test realm and have just been sitting on it ever since.
#w101#w101 fandom#wizard101#wizard101 fandom#wallaru spoilers#dasein#sal art#woe undertale quote be upon ye#DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW NIGHTMARISH IT WAS DRAWING HIS SUIT THE DAY TEST REALM CAME OUT#AND THE CUTSCENE WAS BROKEN !!!!!!!!!!!#i wasnt even at wallaru/on test realm yet i couldnt even play it. i was getting my reference images from ONE video#a video that NEVER SHOWED HIM FROM THE RIGHT SIDE#like its fine now and frankly if i wanted to redo the pattern with proper refs now that its out on live#id probably find some places where i messed up#but honestly i like how it looks here and i do NOT want to mess with it anymore. lol#how do i convey how much he means to me. literally how#wizard101 spoilers
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Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...
You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.
And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?
(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)
Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?
You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.
You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.
#Dimension 20#fig faeth#fhjy#Idle Chatter#my last two years of college were when I started to get more and more nauseous about my own art#because I wasn't being taught how to make the art I wanted to make#the whole curriculum's focus was on gallery art#which infuriated me! I wanted to make art that didn't have to involve twelve layers of meaning and metaphor to be considered good!!#so I drove myself into the ground time and again trying to make (miserable) work that I thought would fit the criteria of a Real Artist#anyway it's been 4 years and I'm just now picking at why I don't enjoy creating anymore so Fig's whole arc has hit home in a major way#ALSO. AAAAALSO. THE ADHD STRUGGLE WE SEE WITH BOTH FIG AND KRISTEN. LOVING SOMETHING BUT STILL STRUGGLING WITH FOLLOW THROUGH#BEING TOLD YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH WHEN IT'S SO FUCKING HARD JUST TO GET WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHY IT'S HARD FOR YOU#it was easy and now that the rubber's hit the road it's hard for you but not for others so it must be YOU that's the problem#you must be lazy or stupid or just not suited to this after all even though it's part of a pattern that has been happening all your life#if you were good enough or cared enough then surely the discipline would come easily to you! the way it comes easily to all your classmates#SCREAMS I gotta stop before I write a second essay in the tags. I'm so normal you can trust me to be normal about D&D characters
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You're my baby, say it to me...
#gundam witch from mercury#gwitch#wfm#sulemio#suletta mercury#miorine rembran#i bet on losing dogs as per gwitch current story progression aka ep17 do you see my vision...#i have particular mixed feelings on ep 17 most of which i feel that the story is done a bit sloppy i think it started around ep 16 or 15#i really need to get this out so i could study damn it !!#first of all with miorine with the one who's losing a lot by being complicit with prospera's quiet zero significantly trapping herself furt#er in the cycle of revenge and also losing the friends she has come to cherish and also... at the same time knowing hal truths of what real#ly happened prospera true plan. vanadis. aerial and suletta true nature. earth as a spacian battleground. and the whole lot#i feel like she's rushing thru her birthday to eject sul asap from prosperas plan and now whats done is done i feel like she underestimate#what conviction on how suletta values what family means to her. prospera lines where she wonders whether sul will give aerial up#easily is giving vibes that its possible for suletta to take drastic measures to get her family back. miorine grows up on a world that#is defined by strict rules but suletta does not... that is after she's starting to get over her heartbreak i think...#whats interesting about gwitch is that although it considered utena as one of its base material it mixes said materials with how gundam sto#ryline works while simultaneously keeping up with today's themes. so honestly... when this happened today im a bit pissed#another thing that even though on a surface level suletta plays the role of utena with miorine as anthy they are also anthy and utena#respectively. suletta and utena with their kind hearted and naive self with a sense of justice left behind the insidious plot of the school#anthy and miorine titled the bride who adored their respective partner up to the point of deception and betrayal for their own good#SULETTA AND ANTHY GOD THE WITCh. red motifs. i find it funny they both have siblings okay this is messed up. the character shrouded in myst#ery. SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS THE CHICK WHO IS YET TO HATCHH !!!! RAHHH#insert utena student council theme somewhere around here#and lastly utena and miorine. the “princess”that is ready to take on a world that is threatening her loved one. both are only child god no.#this is my personal feelings but i will find it heartbreaking that despite everthing suletta will runs to miorine no matter how much she#push her away... but i also want and find it interesting where despite loving and believing in her suletta will slowly will ALSO despise#her for letting them drift apart kind of like anthy and utena on the akio apocalypse arc....... do i want this to happen...? do i....? >yes#regardless augh what a heartwrenching lovely episode despite me knowing it will happen at some point during the show#im like the surprised pikachu meme with tears in my eyes
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i remember seeing someone call tubbo a fully grown adult at 19 (obvs before he turned 20) and i gotta say. i think maybe some people have a really skewed idea of what constitutes as "fully grown". and also what constitutes as properly mature. thinking that at 18/19 (or hell even at 20/21) people are now fully grown and mature is insane to me like yall thats how you get people thinking their life is over at like 23 and that 30 year olds are senior citizens 😭😭 be fr
#this is a problem no matter where you look but i think a lot of ppl in the mcyt fandom esp seem to think once youre-#-considered an adult at all that it automatically means youre fully grown and mature and thats just nooottt really true for most ppl#which i think can lead people down to sort of dangerous paths especially because 'adult' is often defined by age of consent#and theres also some slight cultural differences like even just between the us and the uk where due to 18yr olds being able to drink in-#-the uk (and other places) i think it genuinely causes some dissonance#where i see often in the us that when youre 18/19 youre still treated (id say rightfully) as being rather young and not Truly a grown adult#hence. yk. the term Young Adult#but i think in places where the drinking age is younger it starts causing people to see younger people as more mature#which is also why a lot of predators like to push for the age of consent to be at a younger age like 15 or 16#and why many lolicons try to point at japans age of consent (which for the record is complicated and not as simple as just 'age of consent-#-is 13') as a defense for how they act#because these sorts of milestones (having sex and drinking) are seen as marks of a true adult. which gets into a whole lot of other#complicated things#and often dangerous things and ways of thinking#ANYWAYS . basically 18/19 isnt fully grown 20 is also hardly fully grown itself#and theres ways to combat people infantilizing tubbo and other creators his age without acting like hes actually#fully grown and mature lol. i promise you humans are not fully grown at 20 years old are you kidding me 😭😭😭😭#if youre in your 20s you still have a lot of time and space to grow i promise. do not fall for the idea that your life is done by like 23#idk. im only 18 myself but it just feels insane to me that if i were a creator people would be calling me a fully grown adult#not that im not an adult but i dont think im mature enough to be seen as fully grown and i guess itssss. sad?#to see other people my age think that turning 18 means youre fully grown. just really not true#theres a lot of 30 year olds who still see early 20yr olds as being practically babies we have Not made it to full maturity yet i prommy#mask mews
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Kakashi and Gai’s rivalry isn’t just a breath of fresh air because they aren’t pushed apart thus never genuinely connecting and being vulnerable with each other, but because it’s not made to be a joke either.
Their rivalry clearly could’ve been written one sided entirely, where Gai tries to engage Kakashi and he doesn’t entertain him, but he doesn’t. He participates and enjoys it. Kakashi is as odd and perhaps at times even odder than Gai and that’s why they work so well together imo
#kakashi hatake#might guy#kakagai#might gai#naruto#don’t even get me started on how different his rivalry w Gai is compared to his with Obito’s#his rivalry with Obito was at a time in his life where he was so cold and mean#and his developed rivalry really brought him out of his shell (besides Obito’s death and him being faced with the fact his father was right#^developed rivalry between Gai and Kakashi#idk they’re incredibly kind and pure to one another#and I think if he didn’t have Gai Kakashi would’ve died at some point#and I truly believe Gai wouldn’t be nearly as motivated if he never met Kakashi#I think they’re very dependent on each other and it could easily spiral into codependency but it never really does#because they’ve both healed separately and together and I’m doing so they have brought out their truest selves with one another
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