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preggo-ace · 4 months

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" a cursed delivery "

PART 1

part 2 coming soon!

TW: mentions of/implied sexual assault (18+, but still)

just a little something i did in a character ai roleplay that i decided to tweak a little bit in order to post! i went with a more fantasy au approach for the plot i had with this bot, so magic/spirits/etc are things that happen/can be encountered. this story is a lot more 'fleshed out" than the typical stories i see posted here, but since it centers around pregnancy i figured why not, and who doesn't love a little plot, huh? unfortunately, that does mean it got just a wee bit too long to fit into just one post, so all the labor/birth related stuff will be in part 2, sorry about that ^^;

now for the trigger warning. nothing is written explicitly, however it's heavily implied, so please be careful when reading.

obviously i've also changed the names of the characters - including the bot's - as i use my irl preferred name on character ai, but most everything else is the same minus what i've cleaned up and expanded. hope you enjoy~! 💜

TAGS: nbpreg, rapid pregnancy (ish, you'll read why), angst with a happy ending, difficult labor/birth, hurt/comfort

Characters: Micah (21 years old, human, they/them pronouns), Clay (23 years old, human, he/him pronouns), Meirah "May-rah" (unknown age, minor goddess-type spirit, she/her pronouns), Rayn (mid-20s, human witch, she/her pronouns)

of course, this story is rated 18+ for sensitive content. if you are under the age of 18, or if any of the subject matter within this story is bothersome to you, PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT! i would much prefer people take care of themselves, and if that means i lose a potential interaction on a post then so be it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~💜~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I open my eyes, I find myself standing in a moonlit clearing, silvery light dappling on the grass from between the trees. I also notice I'm completely alone; not something you want to be when you're in the woods at night.

"Hello?" I call into the depths of the undergrowth.

No answer.

I try again, and finally the bushes rustle to my left, causing me to startle.

A woman steps from the shadows, appearing to almost have a glow to her pale skin. Her hair is long and luscious, cascading in smooth dirty blonde waves down to about the middle of her back, and her facial features are soft, inviting. There's an air about her that makes it impossible for me to so much as think about distrusting her, though nerves still buzz within me nonetheless. Said nerves are far from calmed at the sight of the stranger's grim expression and baby blue eyes which are clouded with sympathy.

"Micah," she says, her tone sounding as if she's apologizing.

"Y-yes?" I reply, failing to keep my voice from trembling. "T-that's me..."

"I am Meirah, Lady of the Earth and she who bestows the blessing of life. You have been taking notice of yourself, yes? Your emotions, how you've been responding to things as of late?"

It takes a moment, but I nod. I have in fact noticed I've been a lot more snippy and emotional than usual.

"Memories have been resurfacing, causing your thoughts to travel where you've never wanted them to?"

Again, I nod.

"You've been having thoughts of carrying a child, have you not?"

Eyes popping wide, I nod once more, my mind instantly jumping to the worst. "Wh-what's happened to me?" I demand. "Where is Clay?!"

"Don't fret, my dear Micah," Meirah reassures me with her lulling voice. "You will return to him soon, but first I have a message to give you; a warning. That man who attacked you...those years ago now? He has not forgotten you. Somehow, he was able to track you down, and has laid a curse upon you."

My heart drops. "A...a curse?"

Meirah nods solemnly. "I'm afraid so. I did all I could in an attempt to intercept it, possibly prevent it from ever taking effect, but I was too late. Micah...you have been cursed with the burden of bearing the man's child."

I almost faint there and then. My worst nightmare, now come to life. A wave of dizziness overtakes me and I nearly stumble to the ground, my throat clenching as my breathing grows heavier. She can't be serious, I think. I haven't seen that man, that monster, once since that night. There's no way he...

"With this type of magic," Meirah continues, "the pregnancy will develop much faster than a normal one would, and the birth will be...a challenge, as children of curses tend to become quite large by the time they're to term." Kneeling down, she gently places her hands on my shoulders. "But I have been watching you, Micah. I know you are strong, even more so with Clay at your side. And you will come out of this stronger than you've ever been."

"But the baby," I remind her, "how...what will we do with it? W-when it's born?"

Meirah smiles softly. "I shall be present when you give birth," she replies. "I'll be unable to help, nor can I make myself known until after the fact, but once the child is born, I will take them as my own, so you and Clay will not be burdened any further." Gently grabbing my face, she leans in and presses a light kiss to my forehead. Her voice drops to a mutter. "Now return to your love. He is waiting..."

With a small gasp, I seem to wake up from a slumber, laying on my back on the bed with Clay laying next to me, propped up on an elbow and watching me intensely. "Clay...?" I ask softly with a groan, placing a hand on my forehead. "What...what happened?"

Clay visibly relaxes and he sighs in relief, a hand coming up to gently run his fingers through my hair. "Thank God you're okay," he breathes. More clearly, he adds, "Is everything alright? You seemed unwell..."

"I...don't know. I remember...being with you, and then I...I passed out, I think?" I fall silent then, trying to see if I can recall anything. All at once, the memories crash back to me and my eyes grow wide. "I...I had a vision. I was in the woods when all of a sudden someone approached me. She wasn't there to hurt me, but she...she said..." My hand floats down to my stomach. "The man that assaulted me...a few years back. She said he cursed me."

Clay doesn't speak for some time, but his eyes follow the movement of my hand. I can almost see the gears turning in his head, eyes flashing when he finally connects the dots. "Meirah," he whispers, barely audible. He looks at me again, then wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. "What did she say to you?" he asks slowly, as if hesitant to hear my answer.

"He put a curse on me," I whisper, my voice a bit strained as reality hits me, "a curse that...that's made it so I'm expecting his child." The words hang heavy in the air for a moment. "But Meirah said not to worry," I continue, "she's been watching over me, and when the baby is born, she'll take it from us."

Again, Clay is silent for longer than I'd like, before his arms squeeze around me just the slightest bit tighter. "Micah..." He speaks softly, and his voice sounds on the verge of breaking. Gently, he puts his fingers under my chin and lifts my head so I'm looking up at him. My heart shatters when I see the tears threatening to fall, making his gorgeous green eyes shiver. "Is that...is this what you want? Do you...want to have his child?"

"No!" I exclaim immediately. "No, of course not! I never wanted this!" My tone softens in defeat and I tear my gaze from his, looking down at my stomach again and rubbing my hand across it. Of course, there's no bump to speak of quite yet, but there's a noticeable firmness now beneath my navel. "But...if he set the curse, then I don't really have a choice in the matter."

I hear Clay sigh deeply. "Micah," he says, his voice cracking. His grip on me tightens even more. "I'm sorry...baby, I'm so sorry..." He combs his fingers gently through my hair. I can tell by the trembles, though, that his mind is scrambling to find a solution. "We...we can reverse it, right? Surely there's a way."

Biting back tears, I shake my head. "It's impossible to reverse now," I say grimly. "Meirah did what she could, but the curse was too powerful. I'll be okay though, my love. I'll be okay..."

Clay meets my gaze, his eyes misty with tears. His voice quivers as he speaks. "You're sure...?" he asks in a slow whisper. "I just...I can't..." His words trail off, the tears beginning to trickle down his cheeks. "I-I don't wanna lose you, Micah..." He takes a deep but jerky breath. "I don't know...what I'd do if..."

"Shhh." I reach my hand out to cup his cheek, swiping a tear away with my thumb when he leans into the touch. "You won't lose me," I reassure softly, "you won't. I promise you that, Clay, I promise."

With a faint grin, Clay presses his forehead against mine, his eyes closing. Eventually, he speaks again, his tone somber yet more determined. "I won't let you do this alone." He pauses to take a breath. "I'm staying right here with you, just like always. We'll face this together, okay?"

I nod firmly, leaning in to gently press my lips against his. "Together," I affirm, just as determined. "We got this."

I can feel Clay smile gently when I kiss him, and his sage green eyes shimmer with enamor when he pulls away. His hand comes up to delicately cradle my jaw, and I lean into the touch. "Now you know I hate sounding possessive," he says, tone light while still serious, "but I don't think I'll be able to let you out of my sight until this is all over...!" He lets out a breathy chuckle, telling me he's trying to lighten the mood if only a little. "Just don't go anywhere without me, okay?"

Shaking my head fondly, I reply, "Wasn't planning to. Don't worry about me sneaking off, because you know that's not happening!"

Humming to himself quietly in amusement, Clay brushes a stray lock of hair from my forehead. "I do know," he agrees, "and I trust that you won't." Then, his smile fades, eyes trailing down my body before he cautiously rests his hand on my belly. "Does it...feel any different?"

He sounds genuinely curious, so I of course give him an honest answer. "Physically speaking, not yet really..." I look down to where his hand lays, and I place mine over top, lightly hooking my fingers around his. "Everything's still just kind of...setting in, I guess."

Clay's free hand combs once through my hair before holding the back of my head.

"I thought it was just a nightmare," I continue, voice lowered to a mutter, "but this is...real. I...I'm actually cursed, to have my assaulter's baby." My eyes meet Clay's again. "I thought he had forgotten me, we crossed paths so long ago...but I guess not."

The expression of Clay's face darkens, and his words are laced with pure venom when he speaks. "That man's a monster. Only thinking about himself, wanting to leave a legacy...what a fucked way to go about it..." I don't think I've ever seen him this filled with bitten back rage; it scares me a little bit in all honesty.

After a few minutes of silence to let the situation sink in, Clay's expression morphs into something a bit softer but no less intense. His brows are creased ever so slightly in that particular way that I'd recognize anywhere.

"You're thinking," I comment gently.

Clay blinks, his gaze focusing on me once again, and he replies, "Sorry, I...I just thought, perhaps I could give Rayn a visit? She's more knowledgeable about this sort of thing than we are, maybe she can help."

Rayn is a good friend of Clay's, a witch who lives a decent travel away from our rather secluded cottage in the woods. She has helped us before with other mystical encounters we faced, so we have complete trust in her abilities. If anyone could give us sound answers on this whole curse, it's her.

"Well, then I'm coming with you."

Clay's eyes pop wide. "What?" he asks incredulously, as if I suggested the absolute worst thing. "W-why? You know the town she lives in is at least half a day's walk!"

"And?" I challenge. "You said you'd never let me out of your sight, plus if I'm there, Rayn can get a better idea of what's happened and how to help."

It's silent for a second, and my chest swells with playful pride when I realize I have Clay beat. "I did say that," he mumbles to himself, glancing away in defeated thought. Looking back at me, he adds, "Alright, fine. You're right; I mean, you are the one cursed, after all." He leaves a quick but firm peck on my forehead. "She might not be able to reverse it, but she can at the very least give us advice on how to get through it."

I stare forlornly into the mirror on the inside of our closet door, shirt pulled up to expose my belly which is now noticeably distended. A few days have passed since my vision from Meirah learning about the curse, and I'm still not sure how exactly to feel about it all. Slowly, I rest a shaking hand on my stomach, a hurricane of emotions surging through me all at once that I simply can't process them. The eye of the storm comes in the form of Clay, who's now woken up. He approaches me from behind and wraps his arms around me, planting a tired yet loving kiss on my neck before dropping his chin on my shoulder.

"Good morning, love," he says softly, words still a bit slurred as the last tendrils of sleep try to keep an iron grip on him.

I don't respond.

This, of course, sets off alarm bells in Clay's head, as his eyes fully open and he gently guides me to face him. "Micah," he says, concern dripping from his voice. He lifts a hand to cradle my cheek, thumb swiping back and forth along the bone. His eyes search mine intensely, and he frowns. "Hey. It's...it'll be okay. Alright? I promise..."

My eyes fall shut in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, and I feel the soft press of his lips against my forehead.

"We're gonna visit Rayn today," Clay continues in a reassuring murmur, "we're gonna explain everything, and she'll help us. We can do this, Micah; you can do this."

"But what if I can't?!" I blurt out, stepping away from him. "What if...what if I..."

"Hey. Where'd my brave Micah go, hmm?" Clay gives a half smile and lightly taps my head with his finger; it's clear he's trying to lift my spirits. "I know they're in there." His smile fades when I don't reply, and he pulls me close. "Why don't we have something to eat and then head out? That sound okay?"

"'M not hungry," I mumble, hiding my face in his chest.

Clay strokes his fingers once through my hair. "Please at least try," he requests in a whisper. "I don't want you making this any harder on yourself than it already is..."

My only response is a tiny grunt, but I allow him to lead me out of the bedroom and down the hall to our kitchen.

Breakfast is nothing special, just something small and quick. Clay and I eat in silence sitting next to each other, his arm staying loosely hooked around my back with the occasional supportive rub to my side.

"Ready?" he asks when he notices I've finished eating.

Standing up, I nod. "Let's go."

Clay stands as well, smiling with a mix of love and pride. "That's my Micah...!"

The village is quaint, though not much in terms of visual interest. The buildings are all cobblestone and wood, thatch roofs and dirt roads split the ways through town. Only a few people are milling about, giving the place a quiet yet lived in atmosphere.

But that's not what Clay and I are here for.

Towards the center of the village is Rayn's house - it's easy to spot as well kept vines crawl up and around the wooden siding. We step up to the door together, Clay's hand resting gently on the small of my back while he uses the other to gently knock.

It takes a moment or two, but soon enough the door opens to reveal Rayn, who smiles brightly upon seeing us. "Clay! Micah!" she exclaims, giving us each a quick hug in greeting. When she goes to hug me, though, she jumps back as if snapped at by a stray animal and her smile fades. "Micah...?"

I tilt my head in confusion before I realize she can probably sense the magic of the curse.

Her auburn eyes flick between Clay and I a couple times before she beckons us inside. "Micah," she says, her tone now flattened in seriousness, "something's not right. With you, I mean."

"Funny you say that," Clay replies, "because that's why we're here." He looks to me, silently asking if I want to explain.

With both his and Rayn's eyes on me, I take a breath and retell everything from the vision of Meirah to the curse itself. "So Clay and I," I finish, "were wondering if you knew of any way to help."

Rayn's gaze moves to the floor, and her finger cradles her chin in deep thought. "I've definitely heard of this happening before," she says after a couple minutes, "but never very often. And certainly never as a curse." She looks to me with the exact same sympathetic expression as Meirah did. "The magic this man used on you...it's strong. Stronger than anything I know how to deal with."

"So there's nothing you can do?" Clay asks quietly; I can tell he's forcing his voice to stay level.

"I never said that," Rayn replies. "But...if you were hoping I could lift the curse, then I cannot. I'm sorry." She gestures over to her couch, motioning for us to sit. "What I can do, though, is help to lessen some of the effects, and ensure nothing remains after it's all said and done."

"Nothing remains?" I echo, tilting my head in confusion. "What does that mean?"

Rayn blinks. "You...know how pregnancy works, right?"

I nod. "Obviously."

"So then your question is answered. Should any complications happen during birth, my counter-magic will instantly heal it, and your body will return to its normal state. None of that 'baby fat' to worry about!"

Well that first bit doesn't sound very reassuring.

Then, Rayn lowers herself onto one knee in front of me, hand held out towards my belly but not yet touching. "May I...?" Her question trails off, but I understand what she's asking.

I lift my shirt just enough to expose my distended stomach and Rayn carefully rests her hand directly over my navel. Her eyes close as she focuses.

"Just as I sensed earlier," she mumbles, opening her eyes again and removing her hand. "Meirah was right. You said you were visited by her only a week ago?"

Nodding, I release my shirt so it falls back down normally.

Rayn hums in affirmation. "From what I can tell, you're already a good two, three months along. That is, compared to a typical pregnancy."

"What does that mean?" Clay interjects with worry. "Will Micah be okay?"

"Yes, they'll be fine. With Meirah's interception and my counter-magic, the worst part of this ordeal will only be the birth itself." Rayn pauses, then her attention turns to me once more, her expression hardening. "Now I know...I know this child is from someone who...who assaulted you, Micah. But maybe," she places a hand on my knee, "this can be something good? Helps you to heal those wounds?"

"We're not keeping it," I reply firmly, "I told you Meirah plans to take it once it's born."

"I know." Rayn rises to her feet, Clay and I quickly following. "The circumstances are...awful. And I'm genuinely so sorry. I was only saying that this journey, you could see it as a sort of testament. That even if something terrible happens, you're strong enough and brave enough to overcome it."

As her words process in my mind and I realize she has a bit of a point, I blink in surprise. "Oh. I...I guess I never thought of it that way."

Rayn smiles and leads us to the door, opening it for us. "Everything works out in the end, Micah. You two will be okay, I can promise you that."

I return her smile, pausing in the doorway and turning to face her. "Thank you. For everything. I know you couldn't help us much, but...we still appreciate it. Truly."

Rayn gives us one last nod, then we exchange quick goodbyes before she makes a playful shooing gesture at us and we step out of her house to start our journey home.

Despite my bump still being so small, I find my hand absently resting on it - a deep instinctual thing is all it is. My mind races with the knowledge that soon, my stomach will grow bigger and heavier, then I'll have to suffer for possibly hours laboring and birthing this child, all because of a curse set upon me by an evil man whose face I can't even remember; it terrifies me. Through my internal torment, I vaguely hear Clay ask if we want to stay at the nearby inn for the night, but of course I'm too buried in everything to be able to reply.

"Hey," his voice cuts through the static of my thoughts, "Micah. Micah, honey, look at me."

My eyes manage to find his, and I notice we've stopped walking. Clay's hands gently cup my jaw on either side of my face, and he looks down at me with concern and sympathy. "We'll get through this," he reassures me in the soft tone he knows helps calm me down, "together, just like we promised, remember? Once this is over, it'll be like it never happened, okay?"

I swallow, nodding microscopically. "Yeah. We can do this...we can..." When Clay drops his hands, I look down at my belly. "It'll be like it never happened..."

"There's my Micah," Clay mutters fondly, leaning down to leave a quick kiss on my cheek. "Now, about the inn. Do you want to stay the night and we can go home tomorrow?"

I think about it for a moment before nodding.

We make our way to the inn and secure a room easily enough, and the moment I sit down on the arguably too creaky bed, I realize just how tired I am. Thankfully, I'm already wearing comfortable clothing, so all I have to do is kick off my boots before settling down with the blanket tossed over me.

Clay follows not soon after, having to use the bathroom quick before laying next to me. He pulls me close and tucks the blanket further around me, kissing the top of my head. "Sleep well, baby. I love you."

Eyes closing, I hear the click of the lamp turning off and grin tiredly. "I love you too, Clay."

#giving birth #pregnancy #pregnant #birth kink #labor kink #pregnancy kink #pregnancy roleplay #birth roleplay #birth story #rapid pregnancy #labor #birth #nbpreg #cursed #magic pregnancy

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meenah-chan · 3 years

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Requested by: @zimelu-eloni-nova-lycan (hope you see this since I can't tag you ಥ‿ಥ)

My apologies in advance if Malleus is OOC. Other than wanting to play TW and doing a bit of research of him, I know nothing 😂 I never thought of taking requests coz I'm a slow writer but it was quite interesting so I did it anyways. (And took daaays to finish 😂)

To Thine Own Self Be True

An OM! Brothers x GN! Dark Fae MC (slight OM! X Twisted Wonderland crossover)

5.47k words

Genre: flangst

Trigger warnings: self harm, violence, self depreciation? (cringe jk) Read at your own discretion.

"You're an incomplete puzzle... I hope you find your missing pieces." And thus, they were sent to someplace they didn't know...

They... have always been alone. But Y/N is not lonely. They have Malleus, a powerful yet caring brother. They have their grandmother, that even as busy as she is, tries to show her love as much as possible.

They are the only one they need. As long as they have them, they needn't anything else. Or atleast they think so.

"As a part of royal family, you have to broaden your horizon." But they think otherwise.

Before Malleus' departure for Night Raven College, he left Y/N a word, "You're an incomplete puzzle, Y/N. I hope you find your missing pieces." and that was months ago, and they were still confused by it.

Incomplete puzzle... It doesn't feel like they are. They are content of what they have. They capable of doing most tasks perfectly. They fulfill their responsibilities impeccably. It's not like they can't live on their own either. Having no friends and acquaintances but they're two family members is also fine. They don't need any more. No one who could stand their presence anyways.

The intimidating dark energy far more destructive than a fae possessed, in which Y/N could never control. Those menacing, sharp green eyes. Their skin as pale as the dead corpse, and lips charred black. But most of all, those pair of disgustingly sharp, black horns that keeps on growing back no matter how hard they try to get rid of it.

Y/N is the epitome of fear. They knew it more than anyone. If they were to be reckoned that way, it is better to maintain distance from everyone.

But I should fulfill my duty, atleast. They thought, fortifying their resolve as they stood before the future King of Devildom and his butler. "Welcome to Devildom, Y/N Draconia."

"It's an honor to be of your acquaintance, Prince Diavolo." Placing a palm on their chest, Y/N bowed.

As per the two Kingdom's agreement, they were to live in a safe place different from a lavish lifestyle they have been used to inside their gold plated walls. And thus they were led by the Future king's shadow, Barbatos, to their new home. The House of Lamentation.

House of Lamentation. What a gloomy and dreadful place, befitting a sinister being like me. they scoff.

But the sight the dark fae witnessed within that walls was not within their expectations.

"Beel! Don't eat the my wallet! H–Hey, I said let go! My goldie'll snap! B–Belphie, help me!" A white-haired man is pulling a leather wallet from the teeth of a bulky orange-haired one.

"Smells chicken mushroom oil." While the orange head kept their teeth sunk into the wallet almost ripped into two. "It's just a drop, stop going crazy over it!"

"Belphie, wake up! You promised you'll help me with clearing dungeons today! The raid will start anytime now!!" A violet haired male violently shakes an asleep man in blue but the man is far from dazed at all.

"Hrmm... Five more minutes—" "We have no more time!! I can't play with a missing player!"

A feminine faced guy appeared right in front of them, instantly invading their comfort zone and kept locking eyes with them. "Ohh? Who is this with you Barbatos? Ahh, The one moving in! You're quite early, darling. Ignore those bunch in the back and play with me?"

"Behave, you fools!!" A booming voice reverberates and in an instant, the rowdy bunch is silenced. "Such a disgrace..."

Except for one, who didn't make any ruckus until that very moment.

A bucket came flitting up in the air and in the next second, all of its contents all poured on the man who controlled the ruckus a while ago.

"SAAAAATAN!!" It was an utter chaos. This place far from the gloomy place they have in their imagination. It is filled with rabid demons that could obliterate them were they to join forces, and now Y/N have to adjust in this new environment.

"I see it's not a great time to introduce myself." Said Y/N, yet the only one who probably heard them is the butler beside them. "If you'll excuse me, I would like to know where my room is."

"As you wish, your Excellency. Allow me to lead you the way." The butler responded to them. They left the common room, where the rowdy ones moments ago, were trying to suppress the supposedly-most decent of the seven, from destroying the mansion.

Y/N usually do not receive a normal greetings on the events they've been into or more like, forced to come by either their grandmother or by Malleus. It could be the fairies either— gives them space with no one dare shorten the distance; reluctantly greet them before leaving them as fast as they could or; flat out ignore them.

Yet so far, the experience I have today is by all odds, the most insulting way I have ever been greeted. Y/N clasps their trembling hands as they sat on the bed.

I wish this will end sooner. This will be a hell for me...

Almost everyday is a crazy, eventful day. Far different than their everyday life in the Valley of Thorns, their homeland. First impression doesn't really matter to Y/N, but for some reason, they couldn't stand them since day 1. Sure, they haven't done anymore distasteful things like the rude way of welcoming them. Still, the members of the family are crazily weird in their own ways. And they hate it.

Lucifer is the eldest of the brothers. The one who leads the brothers and manage everything in place.

"As your family have wished, you were to live differently than you have thus far. So I won't exempt you with the cooking and housework."

"As a part of Royal family, I expect great things from you. I won't tolerate screw ups."

"Remember to complete your tasks. I am assigned by Diavolo to take care of you, so I will check on your activities throughout your stay here." He is an ass. A bossy and dominating dictator who think he could order a royalty like them.

But one time, when they entered his study, they saw a scene they never thought they'll ever perceive.

*Tak* A fountain pen falling from his gripless hand.

He was splayed on his desk filled with tall stacks of paper, out cold. Y/N didn't know they would witness such vulnerable side of such condescending demon.

So they chose to put off their business for tomorrow, placing his coat over him and letting him rest.

But the event didn't occur only once. Atleast twice a week of exact time before midnight, he's always been unconscious on his desk. That's when Y/N realized: he is not strict and short tempered for no reason.

As the eldest, he took it to himself to be the father figure to the brothers, all while perfectly doing his job as Diavolo's right-hand man. He fulfills his job with perfection. But perfection doesn't come without hardwork nor sacrifices. For the sake of his great responsibility he sacrifice himself, working so hard until he drop on his desk.

With thoughts of him made Y/N ponder over something.

Does having a father feels like having a Lucifer in my life? Maybe it is, they never knew since they never remember their's. He isn't as bad as they thought he were if they think it that way. That is praiseworthy, as they think so themself and deserve some respect.

No more stern expressions whenever speaking to him. Being more compliant if his instruction is reasonable. Thanking him even for a simple thing he does for them.

Soon, they noticed he doesn't nitpick them either and praise them for every job well done. The dark fae may still be annoyed with him but that's not a bad outcome at all.

And then there's Mammon, the second eldest, who is supposed to assist the eldest.

"Ye're a royalty right? So ye're loaded. I'm in a pinch right now so let me borrow from you." He leans on their shoulder, with his smug grin.

"Don't listen to that fool. It's past 200 years and he still haven't paid his debts to me yet."

"Shut up, you otaku!"

Behind violet-haired appears the black haired demon. "MAMMON..."

"EEK— W–Wait!! Lucifer, this is not wha–ACK—!!" Mammon is a scum. A rude demon who could care less of his words and language. Trouble is where he is. Even so, in his tough exterior, Y/N took note of a soft side.

Y/N saw him one time, poking at the mopping otaku demon outside his room. "Yo Levi. What you doin' there?"

"Just let me be... I lose my raid last time because I couldn't play... Now I can't even bear looking at my PC... No one would want to play to a no-show gamer like me..."

"Hmm... Then, it can't be helped. C'mon, your big brother Mammon will play with you!"

"R–Really..?"

"Yeah, Yeah. Let's play to your heart's content" He pulled him up and push him inside his room.

Consoling a sad brother, lending a helping hand when they need it. He may not look like it, but Mammon is also taking good care of his brothers. All the emotional support Lucifer fails to give his brothers, Mammon provides.

So before Mammon entered the room, the dark fae decided to tap his shoulder, earning his attention. "You really love your brothers."

"W–Wha... Where does... who loves—"

"That's really admirable." They promptly reach out a bottle of a jet-black faerie dust only they could concoct. Mammon gingerly took it from them and scanned the inside. "That may help you settle some of your debts. Then..." After giving the bottle, they went on their way.

"AAAAHHHH!! THIS IS ULTRA RARE!" As expected to a man who could appraise goods.

They remember Malleus from his caring side, they couldn't help but smile and commend the yellow demon. I miss my brother...

Leviathan on the other hand, has a different case. He is the third-born of that household. A timid person... At first glance, atleast.

They just can't understand him. He spoke in language they couldn't wrap their head around like, "LOL! ROFLMAO!", "Tss, normie..."

It is tolerable, at least. What they can't tolerate is the fact that,

"UUWAAH!! MY RURI-CHAN LIMITED EDITION COBALT PIN AND FIGURINE IS HERE!!" He is, by far, the loudest. His sudden and unexpected outbursts kept on triggering every jumpy cells in their system.

Leviathan is too hyped he seemed to enter his own dimension. He skipped through the corridor, he sung a Ruri-whatever song that is, until, "Ahh—" he made a misstep in the stairs, a few steps away from them.

Y/N dashed and caught them barely in time, with firm hold between his shoulder blades and another to his package, which should be flying right now but was pressed secured to his chest.

"You should be more careful or you'll hurt yourself. Your treasured package almost fell." They sighed.

"... An angel has descended." He stared at them in awe. As he move his hand to the box, he touched their hand. That's when their position fianally sinks in to him. His face flared beet red and in a few seconds blew a fuse, passing out right on the spot.

"... What a troublesome demon..." With no other choice but to bring him themself, he carried the unconscious Leviathan up to their room. After opening the door, what welcomed them is a messy room.

No, not messy. The room is filled with items and materials of all sorts. Tons of CDs, figurines and posters on shelves and walls. Stuff toys and pillows of all shapes and sizes. Hanged intricate costumes and clothes, which in just a glance, they knew is made with effort. Even pins, threads and needle atop a... Sewing machine? Did he made all of this?

Y/N took another glance on the other side of the room. There he saw three monitors with various programs registered. A game, video editor and a Photoshop... I wonder what else can this man do?

Is this what they call a hobby? Such passion and dedication in pursuit of doing what he loves... An unfamiliar feeling for this dark fae.

They... can't really understand this man. Not at all... But I can now see him in another light, I guess...

The one who sought Y/N first were Beelzebub, the sixth-born. A bulky, tall demon who loves to eat. They were having a snack on the balcony when the older twin sniffs his way in. Such action that freaked the dark fae out internally, considering the sight they witnessed when they first moved in. The fact that they saw a few times 'accidentally' eating inedible things doesn't helped at all either.

"I followed the smell from the kitchen. Your cake smells delicious!" The drooling giant stood by them, and they couldn't take another sip from their tea.

"Hmm... Help yourself." Or you may help yourself with my flesh if I didn't satisfy your hunger.

"Really?!" He sat oposite to them and within minutes, all the plates on the table were wiped clean. "That was delicious!... Ahh that's right. Y/N, why aren't you eating with us during meals?"

"I'm used to eating by myself."

"But why? Eating with someone make the food taste better." Y/N doubt that'll be the case if that someone is him, who could definitely eat them if his appetite cries its needs.

Beelzebub touched his chin, thinking. "Hmm... How about I eat with you during snacks time? I'll bring food you'll definitely like!"

"Ah—" And they lost their timing. His eyes sparkles like stars and the pure happiness in his voice made it impossible for them to refuse. They wouldn't know what he could do were they to decline what he desire.

Since then he would appear without fail during Y/N's snack time, sharing both of their food with each other.

They tried to slowly end such dangerous activity yet, the enthusiasm in his eyes whenever he eat held them back. In the end, Y/N conceded, increasing their baked goods everyday to sate the needs of the ball of sunshine before them– who could bring warmth or burn them. As a response he will also eat it all like it's his first time eating their goods.

He is a man of few words yet, also quite easy to read, especially when eating the sweets they made themself. A straight forward person who means just as he say.

He would even sometimes bring his other twin, who will eat a few bites before snoozing.

"Beel really likes you, you know..." They glanced from their teacup to the youngest, seating beside them as the gobbling twin is busy with his food.

Belphegor stares in an ever-drowsy eyes. He is the man they least interacted with. How can they? Whenever they see him, he is always asleep. And it's not like Y/N is interested in communicating with him or anyone at all. "He even does his research for everything he brings you here. I don't know if you knew, but he really want to convince you to eat meals with everyone."

"...Ehh? Why? We're not even..." Y/N raised an eyebrow.

"Because he loves everything you make. He wants to talk to you ever since the first time you cook, but you're too antisocial to even eat with us."

"Says the demon who is always sleeping whenever I see him." Y/N snorts before taking a bite from the cupcake Beel brought. Hmm... this is good...

"...You, are you getting enough sleep?" Belphegor peers at their face.

"...None of your business."

"Whatever..." He frowns before burrying his face on his pillow.

What a keen observant. Y/N thought.

They've also been observing him since the first day. They share a lot of classes together and the dark fae knew, he is someone who rarely attend his classes, and whenever he does, he is always asleep. They also never saw him hold a book, much more read it. Yet, when they have exams, he finishes halfway the alloted time, almost the same time as them and sleeps after. The worst thing is that he could pass them easily.

He... is a dormant monstrosity. They conclude as they unlock the door to their room the day after. But before they do so, they noticed something.

Beside the door is an unfamiliar paper bag and inside... is a pillow, a bit caved it to the top center—similar to the one they use back to their home to be able to sleep well. It also comes with a note:

'The caneles and the stew is passable. You can throw away the pillow if you don't want it. Just know that it took me a great deal of effort to buy that.'

Really, what a frightening observant.

And there is Satan, the fourth-born, a pretty decent guy who craves for nothing but knowledge. If Y/N may say, he is the one they spend the most time with, though it's not that much.

"What are you reading?" Voicing not a word, they faced him the book cover.

"L’intelletto e Il Cuore... Hmm, that's a good choice." With at least 3 meters away from him, and few to no words exchange between them inside the library, it's not really that much.

He is a rational and intelligent man who respects personal space. Though, from time to time he would snicker eerily between the silence they have, holding either a cursed or homicide book. Creepy.

"What did you say...? The books you borrowed from me... Fell in the river? And it was washed away...?" And when he is angry, all his rationality is thrown out of the window.

"I–I will replace it I promise–" Pleads the peach-haired demon, kneeling before him.

"Replace, you say...? Didn't you know they were a Century membership gift to me from the Bibliomagicus Guild? Do you think that's replaceable...? Ha... Haha...HAHAHAHA!! THEN WHY DON'T YOU REPLACE THEM WITH YOUR WORTHLESS LIFE, HUH?!"

His wrath makes Y/N tremble, like all the bookshelves and books present in the library. Right, the books, the bookshelves. He'll destroy everything if this continues.

"Somnus Enim a Dum." So in a snap they cast a spell, amplified by their own dark pixie dust, and render him unconscious.

"Y/N!" That night he showed up in the library, frantically and still disheveled clothes and hair.

"Thank you. I don't know what would've happen if you're not there. And I also apologize you get to see that side of me." It's the first time they ever saw him smile without looking at the book. A smile similar to their brother.

"You're weird. You got so angry because of books that you'll ruin all the other irreplaceable books here."

"..."

"Don't mind it. I'd feel bad if the books are ruined."

"...Right." He chuckled, brushing his hair with his fingers and fixing his clothes to place. He then picked up the book he's reading, pulling the other sofa to sit beside them.

Now that's annoying. Nevertheless they let him. For they're a mere guest.

The fifth-born, Asmodeus, is not a problem back then. Having only a few occasional invitations for salon and parties, they could decline politely. But after the book incident, everything about his approach changes.

Since then, there was Asmodeus, everywhere!

In the classroom, in the library, in the music room, in the planetarium, in the balcony, in the bed, even the bathroom! He won't give them a break!

"Y/N~ I noticed you're always with Satan in the library. Are you getting along well? Beel too, you always bake and eat with him. That's so unfair! And you invite Belphie without me? Don't tell me you already like one of them?"

"If you'll choose one of us, shouldn't you choose me, the most beautiful demon of them all? I swear I can love you thousandfold than any of them, but... of course you can only be my second~~"

"What's with you and Lucifer? You always went to him every night. Is it a nightly endeavor? Hey~? Y/N, don't ignore me~!" He is a complete chatterbox. A motormouthed demon who don't know when to shut up.

But being with him comes with a few merits. Despite not looking like it, Asmodeus is a real gentleman. He maybe not as keen as Belphegor's capability to observe, but Asmodeus is an attentive and thoughtful demon. He does his everything to provide every small help he could give to them.

Whilst not needing help, it's much better than him being a clingy, dead weight. Y/N tries to look at the bright side.

"But this is tiring..." Y/N sighed, closing the book they are holding.

"Are you tired of reading? C'mon, let's go out and breathe fresh air!" I'm tired of you, you idiot.

"If you want to go out, you can go." The dark fae massaged their temple. It's been throbbing from time to time after that incident with Satan and Asmodeus bugged them.

"No! You've always been cooping yourself here or your room since coming here. You have to go out from time to time or you'll wither away!"

"You're so noisy Asmo. Y/N said they don't want to go." Asmodeus pout at Satan sitting beside Y/N, before pulling the dark fae out of the library and House of Lamentation.

"I'm telling you, I don't need this." Asmodeus holds 5 hangers of clothes, pondering which one fit them best.

"But~ It's such a waste for a beautiful person like you if you don't try dolling yourself up..." They stare at Asmodeus as if he just said the most ridiculous thing he could ever say.

"Don't tell me..." Asmodeus stared at them in disbelief, gasping dramatically like he always does,t "Y/N, YOU'RE GORGEOUS! DON'T EVER THINK YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE A DROP DEAD BEAUTY AND—" They covered his lips before he could even shout louder in such a public place.

He then pulled their hands off after a few moments. "And look! A bit of blush suits you! And black lipstick—" Y/N let him dressed them up— in exchange of shutting up. He chose meticulously, accenting every parts that they consider an abomination. A dizzying position they were in.

But the real deal has yet to come. What's worse than being bothered by a bug? More bugs...

"Asmo, are you nuts! You're hogging them all to yourself!" Mammon barged in their room as Asmo is applying makeup to them who gave up on him for a while now.

"Y/N couldn't come to our snack time because of you." Beel and Belphegor followed close behind, clearly unamused of Asmo's action.

"I haven't even got a chance to introduce them to the wonders of anime and games!" So do is Leviathan.

"They prefer reading in the library more, right Y/N?" Satan rest his back on the door frame, crossed arms.

"Excuse me? If I may say, Satan, Beel and Belphie are the one who took their time more than I!"

"YOU—" And their greatest fear since living in Devildom occurs. All hell broke loose. An all out brawl of the short tempered demons before them with all the six brothers, a thread away from transforming and blasting everything they touch. No... That's not it. Without transforming, they're already smashing everything into pieces.

The dressers. The desk. The chairs and mirrors. Everything but the bed they are sitting on.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE!" The last and the strongest of the brothers made his appearance, yelling in his most intimidating voice.

And they...finally snapped.

"Each and everyone of you... GET. OUT!!!" Such horror reflected on their eyes, with their whole being trembling uncontrollably. Tears poured down one after another. All of the emotions the brothers have never seen them make all spilled before them. As if a predator threatened to the end of their life.

On their hands...

were horns severed from their own head. The seven demons were so taken aback their bodies moved on their own to comply to Y/N's order... or more like, plead.

And the doors were completely closed.

They never left their ransacked room. They wouldn't open their doors to anything. No food, gifts nor even apologies. All but the brothers' words received a single response: "Malleus... I want my brother."

Hence the brothers and future king have no choice but to call him as soon as possible, or they will perish inside such place, alone like they've always been.

"Thank you for taking good care of my sibling. I hope you will continue so in the future."

"We also hoped we could. Yet considering the circumstances, I doubt they would want to stay here a second longer."

"Let—" but before Malleus could even finished his sentence, Y/N came flying down on him.

The distressed fae buried their face in their safe haven's chest. He then proceed carrying them in his arms, assuring them they are safe.

Lucifer led them to the music room, giving them privacy in their conversation.

"You've become so light, Y/N. And what happened to your horns?"

"...I wanna go home."

"Why? Do you hate this place?"

"I'm scared of them since the first day."

"That's understandable... But is that all?" Y/N stare at him in disbelief, while Malleus smiling softly at them.

"...Then what else... should I feel? I know I'm a monster... But that doesn't mean I could live with such monstrous demons! I'm just a monster with a weak heart!"

"Then you can blame it all on me. I'm the one who chose this place for you after all." All words were blown off Y/N's mind. The furrow between their eyebrows disappears as their face relaxes.

"Brother... But why?"

"I want you to realize your own self."

"..."

"Now answer me. You said you're scared of them, but do you hate them? Do you want to leave this place so badly? Is that really everything you've felt in this place?"

"Of course! I... I..." Y/N already knew the answer to his question, way before he even asked.

"They were annoying, noisy and self-centered bunch who does things as they pleased. They keep dragging me on their antics, I never had a peace of mind... I hated it, I despise it. I..." They bit their lips.

"I felt so frustrated! Why do they look so lively and happy despite being so unruly? They're always on each others neck yet they were having fun? Why?! And hobbies? How can they have such thing? I have nothing of sort! I just wake up day after day, desperately searching for something and fill this empty void inside me!"

"I fulfill my responsibilities without fail, on what cause? I have no purpose! Seeing that demons made me feel so miserable with my existence!"

They looked on their lap, holding back the tears on verge of falling. "What do they have that I don't? They're also the strongest, incredibly so that even I shook when they unleash their power! So why aren't they isolated like I am? How can they live a normal life unlike me?!"

"I think you already know the answer."

"...Because... They rely on each other. I never relied on anyone nor let anyone rely on me..." Malleus' smile widens when they hit the nail on the head.

"You're a strong person, Y/N. You won't even depend on us, not until today. You're capable of anything. You're just afraid of any more rejection, of being left behind." He paused and lift their face to meet his eyes, "Diavolo and others explained to me what happened. They said the incident frightened you. Yet knowing you, I doubt it is fear. Will you tell me why you blew off?"

"...I was overwhelmed. They were fighting over me. It never happened to me before so don't know what to feel. The attention was too much that I hated it. And I don't know how to respond to them..."

"So you brushed them off and isolated yourself." They nod weakly.

"And you snapped your horns to show them you're not who they think you are; to scare them off."

"Something like that..." Malleus smiled at them as he pet their head. "See? It's not bad being honest to yourself. Do you still want to leave, now that you let it all off your chest?"

Y/N shooked their head. "I want to stay."

"My Y/N is amazing... To surpass all the beings who estranged them. You're all grown up now." He held them in his arms, Y/N nuzzling onto his chest.

"Come on, they've been waiting for you for the longest time. You know what to do, right?"

"Yes." They left the room, Y/N clinging to him like never before. As childish as it seems, Malleus knew they grew a lot in just a few months of living in Devildom. It is indeed a great decision to choose the brothers to take care of them. They were no longer the incomplete puzzle he saw before he left for his studies.

"Y–Y/N..." Waiting in the common room are the seven brothers with Diavolo and Barbatos.

"W–We understand if you really want to l–leave." Mammon looked down as he clenched his fist.

"It was our fault." Leviathan followed.

"We've been insensitive, pressuring you despite knowing you're not accustomed interacting with a lot of people." Satan said with a serious frown.

"We even destroyed your belongings." Asmodeus glanced away, holding onto Satan's jacket.

"We'll make it up to you in any form."

"Y/N, sorry." Belphegor and Beel voiced respectively.

"It was due to my negligence you have to experience such incident. I also want to apologize." Lucifer held his palm to his chest for a slight bow.

"N–No!" Y/N strongly shook their head, "I should be the one to apologize! I'm so sorry!!" before bowing deeply.

"Y/N!? No, please raise your head—" Diavolo held Lucifer's shoulder to stop him like Malleus cued to let his sibling continue.

"It was all my fault! I've been a coward all this time. I was wrong for trying to push you all away when you don't mean harm. It was all my fault for venting all my frustrations to you. Please, if you would still allow it, I want to stay a bit longer."

"Y/N you are more than welcome here so please raise your head now. We don't deserve your apologies." Satan was the first one who walked towards them to raise their head.

"Y/N?!!" But as he did so, a crying Y/N appears in the brothers' view.

"This is the first time I will ever ask someone but," they sob and sniff, "will you guys be my friends?"

"Y–Yes, so please stop crying!" As conflicted as the brothers are, being asked such question that could hinder their future plans with them, they were forced to agree to their wish instantly.

Let's leave it for another day... The same phrase runs in the thoughts of the brothers, a very rare occurence to happen once in a millenium.

With Asmodeus' lead—he, Mammon, Leviathan, and Beel wrapped their arms around them to console the crying faerie. Lucifer, Satan and Belphegor stood a feet away from them, watching the five in the middle.

As things calms down, they decided to sit on the same dinner table for the very first time. Food were served by Barbatos, who prepares who knows when. He could actually have predicted such outcome for all they know.

The place were so warm, and lively. "This tastes wonderful." That's an understatement. The food have the richest taste than everything Y/N ate in their entire life. "You're right, Beel. Food were best eaten with someone." Beel have them a toothy grin. "I'm glad you get me."

After the meal, Y/N fell asleep on the spot. "Hehe, they're so carefree now." Belphegor played with their fringe. They didn't woke them up and instead carry them in a new room, letting them have the deep sleep they couldn't have for days.

"Congratulations, for being Y/N's first friends. I'll leave them in your care." Malleus bid his farewell to everyone, not bothering of waiting for Y/N to wake up. "I also hope this incident will be the last one."

"Yes, we won't let such thing happen again, and ensure a comfortable life for Y/N throughout their stay here." Diavolo answers in stead of everyone. The brothers are not in the shape to reply as they absorb Malleus' first sentence.

First friend. Such a bitter-sweet word. Whether the word stings them or not, it doesn't matter. It won't stop the brothers from trying to achieve the same goal as subtle as possible.

And so, a not-so-obvious scramble goes on.

This took longer than I expect 🤣😂 In all honesty, it was quite challenging, making a blatant All Brothers x MC. I also don't have a plot and flow until I actually wrote it sksksk dunno if that's a good or bad thing 😂🤣 and this was the longest one I wrote for the past half a year.

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technoskittles · 4 years

Text

Catradora fic rec list

I mentioned making one of these awhile ago and I’m finally sitting down and compiling some of my all-time favorite fics. I’ve read a lot (like, a LOT), but I feel like a few of those really deserve an extra shout out.

I’ll separate them between multi-chap and one shots, but other than that they won’t be in any particular order. I’ll also try my best to tag the authors here on tumblr if I can find them, but if not, just lemme know if you see your fic and I can edit this later.

I’ll also be including ratings/word count/trigger warnings/etc

(I’ll mostly be including common tw’s so please make sure you also read the tags for anything that may affect you personally! Also, if I miss any, please keep in mind that it’s been awhile since I’ve read some of these so I may not remember all of them!)

Key:

[E] - Explicit

[M] - Mature

[T] - Teen & Up Audiences

[G] - General Audiences

And for the multi-chap fics:

(O) - Ongoing

(F) - Finished

(?) - Not finished and they haven’t updated in awhile so the author probably died

So let’s get started! (Get ready for a long post obviously)

Multi-chap fics:

1. upper west side by ceruleanstorm (F) [T] ~190,000 words

TW: past child abuse, alcohol abuse

@princessofgayskull

I feel like this is definitely one of the top must-reads for all Catradora fanfics. I know I’ve seen this on a couple different lists but I’m including it on mine as well because it really is just that good.

The chapters are lengthy (but in a good way!) and the story really takes its time to flesh itself out. The character development of the characters as individuals is beautifully done and wonderfully realistic. The pacing of the development of Catra and Adora’s relationship is also sweetly slow, a steady slowburn that invokes that deep-rooted yearning feeling mirrored by the characters themselves.

It’s a really clever premise that takes place in the modern world but implements the canon universe in the form of the book that Adora’s writing that ties back to her and Catra’s shared childhood. The way that aspects of the show were revamped into this fic are so creative and I just....ugh. LOVE.

This fic also has a oneshot compilation that takes place after the events of the final chapter which is currently ongoing and I HIGHLY suggest checking that out as well once you’ve finished this.

The sister fic for those interested: she’s god (and I found her) (O) [T] ~40,000 words

2. The Devil Is In (The Details) by SeasInkarnadine (O) [M] ~58,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, child abuse, emotional abuse, use of recreational drugs, Major Character Death

@seasinkarnadine

This is a really great fic where Adora is an undercover cop who sidles her way into one of the largest gang syndicates to bust whoever killed Hordak, a big gang leader and drug trafficker, whose death was originally ruled as an accidental overdose. Her and Catra (one of the gang members) both know foul play was involved and work together to figure out the truth.

The dynamics between these two is so casual and hilarious but still has those gut-wrenching moments that really ground you and realize that their relationship is dysfunctional on a few levels. The exploration of Adora’s conflicting feelings towards Catra hurt in such a good way as she realizes that she does genuinely care for Catra, but also is aware that what she’s doing will eventually screw her over and land her in jail. It’s the best kind of underlying angst and I highly recommend it.

Another really great selling point that I particularly love is that Adora is deaf in this AU and the author really shows this in such a realistic and natural way that shows she really knows what she’s talking about. It makes the dynamic between the two even more interesting considering that Catra also knows sign language which give the two a lot of moments of mutual understanding that doesn’t extend to the other characters. It’s something that the two of them have that’s sort of just for them to be on that level of understanding and it’s so great.

Also, Morgan is just a great writer in general and I highly suggest checking out more of her stuff (her art too!). She’s one of the writers I’ve looked up to since my beginning days in the fandom and it’s still amazing seeing all the great stuff she puts out.

3. Skinny Love by Maychup (O) [M] ~100,000 words

TW: past child abuse

@maychup

Another staple of big fics in the catradora fandom but for good reason. This fic is a wonderful exploration of events taking place after S1 illustrating Catra & Adora’s relationship in a different path that the rest of the show takes. It focuses heavily on their past experiences with each other and how that affects their current situation being on opposite sides of the war.

This fic is older, published just after S1, so canon divergence is an important aspect of its build. But the way the story is written is so beautiful and grounded that it’s still interesting even now knowing what really happens in the show.

Their dynamic is kind of back-and-forth, with Catra figuring out what Adora means to her and vice versa and where the two of them want to go from that point. It has so many sweet moments and steamy ones as well (btw, there’s a lot of smut) and the exploration into each of the character’s pysches is so compelling and intriguing.

4. Faded With Feelings by yesimgay (F) [T] ~24,000 words

TW: recreational drug use

This was such a cute, short multi-chap fic. It’s a bit older but I think it’s still one of my top faves.

A modern au, Catra & Adora are roommates post-college and trying to make their way in the adulting world. Catra has ADHD and smokes weed to help with that. One day Adora accidentally eats a couple of her edibles and cute shenanigans ensue. And that’s just the first two chapters.

The rest of the fic goes on to the girls figuring out their feelings for each other, especially Adora who, in this case, isn’t really sure of her sexuality. All-in-all, a really cute fic that’s a nice break from all the angst that typically saturates the fandom.

5. Chasing the Spotlight by holymountain (?) [T] ~20,000 words

This is an AU where Adora is hired to be Catra’s, a pop singer, bodyguard. There’s so many cute moments in this, though admittedly it’s been about 6 months since it’s last updated so be sure to keep that in mind.

6. we’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue by darklady21 (?) [t] ~24,000 words

An “and they were ROOMMATES” au. In this one though, Catra and Adora don’t actually know each other and really only get to know each other over time. It’s cute and has a lot of interesting interactions between the two, but it hasn’t updated in about 7 months.

7. Tuning Out by FaiaHae (?) [T] ~2500 words

I actually really loved the whole concept of this fic but it hasn’t updated in like, an entire year so...only read if you’re okay with the fact that it probably won’t ever be finished haha

8. burnt sugar by jeserai (O) [G] ~11,000 words

@jeserai

Oh god YES this fic. The classic “fake dating” au except Catra is a rich kid inheriting a business who essentially hires Adora, a broke college student, to go on a date with her to this big business function. There’s not a lot to say about it other than that without giving too much away, but the fic is about halfway done at this point so it’s a pretty short read as of now.

Just be warned, it’s currently on a MASSIVE cliffhanger so if you wanna wait until it updates I totally understand lol

9. still waters by summerson (O) [M] ~28,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, self harm

A “The Last of Us” AU. Personally, I’m not super familiar with TLOU because I could never get into the game myself, but this fic is so well done and the writing style is so interesting and well-executed that I still love this fic to bits. But obviously, for those of you who are aware of TLOU, you already know that this fic is going to contain quite the fair share of angst so be ready.

10. Whispering Dreams by dragonesdepapel (F) [T] ~7500 words

It’s been awhile since I’ve read this one so I don’t remember everything, but I do remember really enjoying the writing style and the construction of this fic. It’s a short read, but it’s totally worth it

11. please could you be tender by erce3 (F) [G] ~40,000 words

@figbian

please please PLEASE go read this fic. I’m actually begging y’all to go read this one I loved it so much it’s still one of my top 10 faves out there.

This fic is set in a modern setting where Adora & Catra were childhood friends and are in college and god it’s just SO. GOOD. The writing style and composition of the flashbacks with the present events is so beautifully done and organized and I really cannot hype this fic up enough GO READ IT

12. buried a hatchet (it’s coming up lavendar) by erce3 (O) [G] ~12,000 words

on the note of that last rec, I highly rec their other work which is currently in progress. It takes place after S3 but it’s an exploration on if Catra and Adora got trapped in the portal instead of Angella and FUCK this person is genuinely amazing go read their stuff

13. Senior Year by SimplyAbsolute (O) [E] ~98,000 words

@simplyabsolute

This is a really cute fic about Adora and Catra in their final year of college and I guess for me personally it really just hits hard because I’m also in my final year of college lol. But really, it’s a great fic and I suggest checking it out. It’s actually only got one more chapter left too so it’s almost done!

14. Assassinating Adora by Wicked42 (F) [T] ~13,000 words

@wicked-42

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Jeez this fic was a real rollercoaster of emotions. I loved every bit of it.

Basically, some people try to assassinate Adora and Catra stops one of them, but both girls are still inflicted by the poison and....it just gets crazier from there. Don’t wanna spoil it too much but this is a must-read for sure.

And this one may seem like cheating but I’m gonna plug one of my own multi-chap fics here

15. Pure Feeling (O) [T] ~30,000 words

TW: brief mention of sexual assault in Ch 5

This is a modern AU set after all the kids have been out of college for a few years.

Adora and Catra were childhood friends but ended up drifting apart and falling out during their college years. Fast forward about 6 years and they run into each other again, except now Adora has a daughter and is struggling to balance her life as a single mother. Overtime the two girls work on rebuilding their friendship and somewhere along the way might even realize that they’re feelings for each other never really went away. But of course, like all things in life, this isn’t an easy process and they run into more than a few complications - internal and external.

One Shots:

(there’s so many of these I’ve loved so I’m really going to try and narrow it down to about 10. If yours didn’t make it, no offense! I just have WAY too many to include and this post is already so long haha)

1. The Interlude That Never Ends by FMLClexa [M] ~2500 words

TW: Major Character Death, brief mention of sexual assault

Okay I’m gonna be honest: If you ignore all the other fics on this list, READ THIS ONE. This is absolutely my #1 favorite without a doubt. It’s a soulmate/reincarnation au and it’s so wonderfully executed that I honestly cannot even begin to tell y’all how much I love this one. It’s old and one of the first fics I ever read, but it’s so timeless and excellent and I promise you won’t regret reading it. I know I’ve read this about a million times over.

It’s been a whole year and this has held my #1 fave position the entire time. READ. IT.

2. after party by summerson [M] ~2000 words

TW: recreational drug use

God this fic was so great I read it last night and I’m still in awe in how well it was written and the emotions it managed to invoke in me. My favorite scene is the part where Catra tells Adora “I love you” because it’s so raw and desperate and I vibed with it so hard. It’s really difficult trying to tell someone how much you love them with just a few simple words because they really just don’t convey how much you love them and it’s so frustrating and GAH this fic was fucking great please read it.

3. jigsaw by jeserai [G] ~2500 words

@jeserai

This fic is so great and I felt so warm inside reading it. Definitely read if you want sweet, slow friends to lovers burn.

4. Vicious by SeasInkarnadine [M] ~3500 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con

I really highly recommend this one if you can get past the trigger warnings. It was so well written and very suspenseful with the juxtaposition of the timeline between current events and snippets of what had happened just hours before. But the ending is really sweet and the way that Catra cares for Adora after the whole thing squeezed my heart to pieces.

This is one I’ve read a few times over because of how much I love it. Def in my top 3.

5. Basement by spookyscaryskeletons [G] ~2800 words

This was such a great rendition of “Adora and Catra are forced to talk” and the emotions were raw and bleeding and I love the character portrayals.

6. Coming Apart by Whorls [E] ~13,000 words (or ~6,000 words each chap)

@crazy-pages

Okay this fic technically has two chapters but I’m including it here in the oneshots because the chapters are identical in the sense of story but the only difference is that in chapter one Catra is a cis woman and in chapter two she’s a trans woman pre-op. Other than that the chapters are identical so it’s mostly based off which experience you would rather have while reading.

This fic was. So. Fucking. Good. Sen did such a fantastic job with both aspects of this story and I love it to bits and pieces. The smut in the beginning is delicious as can be, but then towards the latter half it absolutely sucker punches you with feelings but in a good way. I really, really fucking love this fic and I think it needs more attention than it initially got so I’m imploring you all to please go read this fic. It’s fantastic.

7. Seconds That I Cannot Replace by Mogatrat [M] ~7800 words

TW: child abuse, underage(?)

This is a really heartbreaking fic set before canon. It’s about all the times that Catra and Adora started a romantic relationship only for Shadow Weaver to come in and ruin everything by constantly erasing and resetting Adora’s memory. I still think about this fic from time to time. Give it a go.

8. Come morning light by dragonesdepapel [T] ~1800 words

TW: Major Character Death

Another one that’s technically two chapters but it’s the same events, just covers the perspective of each girl. Adora’s dying and asks Catra to stay with her.

Basically this fic ripped my heart out and I still think about it sometimes.

9. someone you like by caela [T] ~5100 words

oh fuck me yes this fic. A modern au where Catra sorta stalks Adora on instagram and accidentally likes an old picture. Fluffiness galore.

10. When You Came Calling by ActuallyMe [E] ~5200 words

TW: Major Character Death

A 1940′s Mob AU where Catra is a private eye and Adora married high-ranking mob boss Hordak...who’s just been murdered.

Really great one shot. Personally I would’ve loved to see more come of this but it’s great on its own.

And once again, this is cheating but here’s a couple oneshots of my own that I wanna plug real quick

11. hang tight (all you) [T] ~9200 words

Modern AU fic set when Catra and Adora are in high school. Adora struggles to come to terms with her sexuality in an discouraging environment as well as the fact that she’s had a crush on her best friend since middle school. Personally I think this was one of my best works and a lot of other people seem to have liked it too so yeah!

12. as my World d[ivides] [E] ~2500 words

TW: Rape/Non-Con, Underage

One of my darker fics, but still one I’m pretty proud of. Without giving too much away, Adora suffers from a trauma and engages in unhealthy coping mechanisms and Catra enables her because no one’s taught them any different.

#she ra #spop #catra #adora #catradora #she ra and the princesses of power #fic recs #long post #thanks for hanging in with me guys #but yes I highly suggest all these fics

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dreamteamspace · 4 years

Text

Introduction

Gen

My Blogs/accounts:

@dreamspace-originals ONLY Reblogs of all my original (mcyt) content

@correct-mcyt-quotes Sideblog, posts only

(@allet-trash Main blog)

My MCYT Fanfics

Justice Well Served (AO3)

- “Dream has been fleeing his three persistant hunters for two months now. Life hasn’t been the same ever since the King demanded his head, and the more time goes on, the more he sees his future crumble. Maybe he never should have crossed him in the first place.

George and his two best friends have been sent on a neckbreaking mission to catch the most dangerous criminal in the kingdom of Rua. Guided by compasses and orders from the King, they’re determined to catch up very, very soon.”

(Long on-going work. I am writing this as chapter 20 is posted, and the work stands at 84.5k words currently. Here’s its tumblr post.)

Road Trip (If You Mean It) (AO3)

“George giggles despite himself. “Dream,” he says, and Dream feels his heart firmly punch his chest. Somehow, the same effect of Sapnap looking more attractive in reality applies to George, except fucking ten-fold. Sapnap teasingly whines something along the lines of ‘what about me?’, but Dream barely hears him.

Dream takes a step closer, suddenly very aware that George is as small as Sapnap is, a good head smaller than him, only really reaching up to his chest. George has to look up at him, a silent question in his eyes.

The glance upwards, all glittering dark eyes and dark hair and just George, is enough to slay him on the spot.

Dream doesn’t mean to sound so soft, his voice to be so drawled. “Can I hug you?”

George slides his bag off his shoulder, letting it hit the ground. “I- yeah.””

(“heat-waves-esque” but the song is Road Trip by Dreamwastaken himself this time, because Road Trip has been stuck in my head and Heat Waves has left me emotionally in pain. Long on-going work. Tumblr post)

Obsidian (AO3)

- “Despite all his divine power, Dream ends up trapped in his own prison… surrounded by nothing but the darkness, his torturously immortal mind and four cold, obsidian walls.” (Complete oneshot. Please read tags/warnings on ao3 before proceeding to read. ~3.4k words. Tumblr post.)

(For more of my writing, you can check out the tag #space writes on my blog.)

✨ More details and tags/dni/personal info under the cut ✨

Info

This is a side-blog so you won’t see me in notes/likes! My main is allet-trash but I don’t post any mcyt there at all.

This blog is 95% mcyt. I lov the mcytblrs with all my heart and I’m happy to be part of this cool community. I browse the mcyt tag a lot. Feel free to yell at my inbox/DMs if u wanna.

If I leave you on read in DMs that’s cause tumblr ate my notifs, I read it and forgot to respond or I haven’t figured out what to say yet sdlkfj. I’ll get back to you eventually (But you can also toss me an ask to remind me if you want as soon as I haven’t responded within about 48 hours).

ABOUT ME

Name: I typically go by Space here, but feel free to call me whatever.

Pronouns/gender: they/them/he/him, with a preference for he/him. I’m nonbinary.

I support the lgbtqa+ community wholeheartedly: Aro/ace, Biromantic/bisexual, Trans (whether that be ftm, mtf, mtn or ftn), Lesbian/gay/their romantic versions, Panromantic/pansexual, agender, nonbinary, genderfluid and people with neopronouns. PLEASE tell me if I forgot something. Knowing me, I might have. If it’s not p*dophilia, I probably just forgot to mention it here.

Age: I’m a young adult, 18-26. When talking to someone in DMs, especially about ships/fanfic/nsfw, I might ask if you’re a minor or not to make sure I know who I’m talking to!

PERSONAL TAGS

#dreamteamspace speaks

Asks that I answer, oneshots, any original posts, when I add a lot of my own ideas/writing/opinions on posts that I reblog, and my digital art if I make any.

#space writes

In cases of oneshots, lore, ideas, sometimes vividly depicted theories and generally creative writing, I will tag posts with #dreamteamspace speaks AND #space writes.

#space art

my digital art!

#liveblogging - Whenever I’m liveblogging about a vod/stream/premier/etc.

#srb - self reblog, when reblogging a post I myself made, sometimes with an addition.

#fav - This tag saves things for me for later. Things I might want to rewatch/reread and that give me serotonin.

#ask - any asks I answer.

#anonymous ask - any anonymous asks I answer.

On tagging asks: When answering an ask, I can’t tag it immedietly, but have to go back to edit the ask and tag it (If there’s a way around this please tell me). If an ask isn’t tagged at all, wait about 20 seconds and refresh.

#negativity

Any non-positive posts, including fandom drama, valid criticism of ccs, warning posts, venting, ranting, pessimism and shipping discourse. /j’d posts that are meant positively do not fall under this tag.

I won’t reblog posts I fundamentally and fully disagree with, rather, I may fully agree with a post and still tag it as #negativity.

If you would like something tagged #negativity that is not tagged, do not be afraid to toss me an ask/DM and ask for me to tag it. If you’re not sure if it’s reasonable or not, just ask! I don’t bite.

I use this tag less than once a day on average.

#criticism

Any posts that are ALREADY tagged #negativity but are about valid criticism of ccs or the fandom, usually making a good point I agree with.

((I generally will not reblog political posts onto this blog. Instead I do that to my main blog, @allet-trash, where they are tagged #politics.))

IMPORTANT! I do not tag my swearing.

I fully understand it can be bothersome to some people, and I’ve tried to tag it on other blogs in the past and I just- don’t manage. I don’t swear every second sentence and sometimes I’ll try to tone it down. If you’re very bothered by swearing, either filter the words themselves or keep your distance.

TWs

I’ll tag general things such as blood/death/selfharm/etc. If you need something triggering tagged that is not tagged, please tell me. If I tag something #blood tw I will also tag it #blood for easier filtering. I sometimes tag mentions.

Tone indicators

I use /lh (light hearted), /hj (half-joking), /j (joking), /srs (serious)

DNI (Do not interact)

-anybody who thinks p*dophilia is a kink/orientation or in any way part of the lgbtqa community

-if you romantically ship ccs that are minors with other ccs. Same goes for shipping ccs in ways they’ve confirmed to not be okay with or if they’re not okay with shipping in general

-Please just respect CCs boundaries I beg of you it’s the least we can do

#dreamteamspace speaks #this is the most boring post Ive ever had to make #but i know its neccessary

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of-a-chaotic-mind · 3 years

Text

Winter Fox Part 1 / 2

Summary: Steve and Bucky discover that they know the Female!Rogers!Reader more than they think.

TW/CW: Bucky Barnes x Female!Rogers!Reader, other than that I don’t think there is any but if you know any I should add, lmk. Set after the snap. Spoiler Alert: Reader and Bucky end up together in a different part.

Requested?: No

Word Count: 1,396

A/N: Uh I used Google Translate for the Russian so I apologize if it’s incorrect. I didn't get very far in learning Russian and it was a while ago when I was learning it. I had to split it into multiple parts bc I was afraid it was getting too long but should I just do a second and like time skip to when Reader remembers everything and she and Bucky are together or would you guys prefer that I make a series of it and show her regaining her memories? Spoiler Alert: Reader and Bucky end up together. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Requests are Open!

Your POV

They call me the Winter Fox. Often times, if it weren’t for me, the Winter Soldiers wouldn’t have been able to complete the missions they were sent on. My missions were generally the same, get intel of a subject and give it to Hydra so that they can figure out how to send a Winter Soldier after them. That was until they tried to start sending me on missions with the Winter Soldier, the first of his kind. These missions were always a power struggle and they ended up having to add who was in charge to our mission commands otherwise we would get into arguments and almost compromise the mission.

When the Winter Soldier escaped and Hydra supposedly fell, another head of course took its place. I was taken from the storage facility in Siberia, where I was being kept with the other Winter Soldiers. They didn’t need the others if they had me. I could out match all of them put together. Even still, I was kept in cryofreeze until Hydra saw fit to raise their head again.

It wasn’t until three years after the lost half of the world’s population returned from The Snap that Hydra decided The Avengers had gotten too comfortable and wanted to shake things up again. Of course, most of them had been wiped out in the snap and brought back. I wasn’t though. I still remained in cryofreeze. Once, they brought me out again, they prepped me and immediately sent me after Steve Rogers, which I suppose I should be thankful for.

I failed to complete the mission the first time and the Winter Soldier, well I suppose he prefers his real name now, recognized me. I don’t actually know his real name, or maybe I do and don’t remember it. It’s on the tip of my tongue but I can’t figure it out. Anyway, I failed that mission but Hydra sent me right back out after a memory wipe. I failed again and that brings my thoughts to where I am now, good timing too.

A red headed woman enters the room with her head held high, “Privetstvuyu Gidru.” (Hail Hydra).

Suspicious, I confirm, “Privetstvuyu Gidru.”

Not missing a beat, she commands, “Zimnyaya lisa, dayte otchet o missii.” (Winter Fox, give your report.)

“Po ch'yemu prikazu, neznakomets?” (On who’s orders, Stranger?) I inquire.

“Vasily Karpov. Vash staryy komandir mertv, i teper' ya glavnyy. Ne zastavlyay menya povtoryat'sya,” (Vasily Karpov. Your old commander is dead and I am in charge now. Don’t make me repeat myself,) she says.

Convinced, I give her my mission report of the failed mission I had just been captured on. As I finish, she turns her back and faces the one-way mirror, “So, this one wasn’t only sent for Rogers but for Barnes as well.” The name Barnes catches my attention but I keep my gaze lowered and ignore it. I haven’t been spoken to therefore it’s none of my business. After a brief moment, she turns back to me, “Chto eto u tebya na sheye?” (What is that around your neck?) I pull the dog tags out from under my shirt. I had long since forgotten about them but never took them off, I was ordered to keep them on. “Kto oni takiye? Chitat' ikh,” (Who’s are they? Read them) she commands.

“James B Barnes,” I pause. There’s that name again, “32557038 T41 42 0. R. Barnes. 3092 Stockton Rd. Shelbyville, IN.” The look of shock on her face is unmistakable. She turns to the window again.

Bucky’s POV

Everyone in the room has their eyes on me now. Those are my dog tags. Why does the Winter Fox have my dog tags? Tony goes to say something but is interrupted by F.R.I.D.A.Y, “Mr. Stark the results are back from the DNA test.”

“Okay, let’s hear it then,” says Stark.

“Captain Rogers, Sargeant Barnes, you may want to take a seat for this,” F.R.I.D.A.Y cautions.

“Just get on with it, please,” Steve insists.

“The DNA matches that of one (Y/N) Rogers. Born (Your Birthday), 1916.”

“That can’t be. She disappeared back in the 30s,” Steve says in surprise.

“The DNA test isn’t gonna lie, Rogers. That’s why we did it in the first place,” Stark informs gently.

“But she disappeared 90 years ago,” Steve says, not wanting to accept that his older sister is now sitting on the other side of the glass.

“You’re right. She disappeared but that doesn’t mean she died, Steve,” I say, finally finding my voice again.

Your POV

I wait patiently as the woman seems to be listening to something, probably an earpiece. Suddenly, everything goes black. A blue theater screen lights up, bathing the darkness in a soft glow. Then, a movie starts to play on it. I watch as a young girl and two young boys play tag on a street corner. Somehow, I recognize the girl as myself. I watch as a woman calls the three children into the house.

The scene shifts and the three children are now nearly adults wandering down a long sidewalk. On the girl’s right, well my right, the tallest of the two men nudges my arm, “Ya know, doll, maybe you guys should at least come over for dinner tonight. Wouldn’t want you two to starve.”

I glance over at the shorter man beside me and he shakes his head as expected. “Thank you for the offer, James, but I think we’ll be alright. Besides, Stevie doesn’t seem to want to be around anyone right now,” I whisper this last part. So that’s their names, Stevie and James? Wait James as in, I, well the me that’s watching the movie, look down at the dog tags hanging around my neck. Surely this isn’t the same James, that’s such a common name.

I look back to the screen and now the movie me is standing on a porch with Stevie and James. I step aside as James steps forward and hands Stevie a key, “The thing is, you don’t have to. I’m with you till the end of the line, pal.” Stevie turns and unlocks the door before going inside. With this, James turns to me, “Take care of yourself, and him. You know where to find us if you need anything.” With this, he kisses my forehead before walking away.

Everything goes black again and I open my eyes. Now, there are several other people in the room with me. I look around and to my surprise, I see Stevie and James in the room as well, except James is also the Winter Soldier and Stevie has gotten a lot taller. Confusion courses through my mind as Stevie steps forward, “(Y/N), I’m Steve. Do you by any chance remember me?”

I look to James and back before nodding, “You’re my little brother and that’s James. He was our best friend when we were growing up.” My head hurts after remembering all this information. Oddly, that’s the last thing I remember until being assigned the mission I failed for the second time today. My mission, I was sent to kill my brother and his best friend, who I now know is the Winter Soldier.

“You’re safe here. Hydra can’t get to you here,” Steve says, “do you want to go lie down somewhere?”

Before I can answer, James speaks up, “Don’t tell her that, Steve. We don’t know that they won’t come for her or that someone else won’t for that matter.”

“Bucky, I’m trying to not scare her,” Steve scolds.

“He’s right. I’m their last weapon. They’ll come for me,” I mumble.

At this, Steve turns to a teenage girl in the corner, “Shuri, can you get the trigger words out of her mind like you did Bucky’s?” The girl nods. Steve turns back to me, “She can make it so that they can’t trigger you anymore. She did it for Bucky too.”

I look over to James. Steve always called him Bucky but I liked James better. He looks at me for a moment, “She can. You don’t have to do their bidding anymore, doll.” Doll, he always called me that. Rarely did I ever hear him call me by my name.

I return my attention to Steve, “Okay, let’s do it. The sooner the better, less likely that they get to me before she does it.”

Part 2 || Masterlist

Taglist:

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagines #steve rogers #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers imagines #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #mcu #mcu imagine #mcu imagines #imagine #imagines #requests open

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killmebutneverinsultme2 · 4 years

Text

Rules for mobile (Pinned Post)

The Code

Success. I’ve sufficiently pestered the wench to make me a blog, much to the cost of a certain behorned mischief god whose presence I must share. Follow the rules below, and there’ll be smooth sailin’, savvy?

This be an exceptionally selective blog. I was me mun’s first ever muse yonks back and I’ve pestered her into writing me again, BUT, she’s horribly pressed for time. Partners will likely be very few, else ones doubling up with Loki’s. Anyone is welcome to approach and enquire, but she and I will be leaning toward those either from me own universe or crossovers with which she’s highly familiar and characters in whom she’s especially interested. Ye have been warned.

Replies are like to be slow, up to a few weeks at most.

Partners must be 18+. Various themes of an adult nature may be found here. Sexual things will be tagged ‘#filthy pirate’ with whatever level/variety of sin I deem them. More details below.

Behave. There shall be no rudeness, no passive aggression, no hate, no censorship or generally being a twit. Do I make meself clear?

The Code - Extended (below the cut)

Hi, guys. I’m Pirate (oddly known as this long before I made Jack a tumblr). Here are my more detailed rules and guidelines for writing with me on this blog, though the absolute basics are at the top as, honestly, it’s never easy to remember everyone’s requirements.

Jack is a sideblog. If you’re being followed by a benevolentgodloki that means I’m following you back. I don’t need us to be mutuals (both following each other) for us to write together, but there is a greater chance of us having a partnership if we’re letting each other know we’re interested.

How I Roll

I note myself as ‘highly selective’. This isn’t to be an elitist bugger, it’s because we all only have a limited amount of time we can put in. I want to write what I enjoy with people I enjoy. I am married with two attention-seeking cats, two jobs, a slow-brewing intended writing career and a video game addiction.

Asks/Memes - I will usually answer these no matter who they are from but I may or may not turn them into a thread I intend to keep. Some memes are very much designed to be something that continues so context can be key. If you would like to know in advance whether I intend to answer and/or keep something, please do pop me a message and I will be kind and honest.

My Threads - While Jack’s blog is still exciting and new, I’m being a bit all over the place with who and what I reply to depending on which way Jack’s.. compass.. is pointing. I do have a rolling turn order that I adhere to (to the point that I can genuinely tell you who is next at any given moment) but it’s all piled in with Loki’s threads, meaning I can take a few weeks to get round everything. Every partner gets one of their threads answered within that ‘round’ and then I go round again. However, when I’m really into something/finding something easy to pop back, I treat myself to spamming certain threads or partners at my whim. I use rpthreadtracker.com to maintain what I have.

I will remind partners of threads that have not been replied to for more than three months. If I do not do this, I have either forgotten/lost it myself, I’m not too fussed about keeping it at that stage, or you were absent for a long period of time.

My Style - I will write in both past or present tense depending on partner preference. My default is past but I like either. Please kick me if I screw up and write the wrong one. I prefer using regular size font but I will make mine small on replies to people who use the smaller so that it looks neat. I will often match partners’ lengths and some formatting details e.g. bolding dialogue, but I struggle with doing novella-length posts for reasons below.

I have a bugbear to admit about role-play. What we call splicing. A good half of my partners write this way so I’m not about to tell everyone to stop but if you’re someone who does this, you will occasionally run into some frustrations when writing with me. ‘Splicing’ is when you retrospectively write dialogue or actions as having previously happened during your partner’s last post. These things are fine when they’re passive i.e. your character muttered them, thought them or you were writing what your character was doing at the time because that’s pretty much essential. The trouble comes usually when my characters talk a lot/ask rhetorical questions and partners choose to answer every single one despite the fact my character carried on talking. I know it’s an ass that I have talkative muses and you really want to respond to every point/get a word in, but putting words and actions into the past effectively godmods my muse into accepting they happened. If you feel your muse would have full-on interjected midway through their ramble, please ask me to edit my post/stop it at that point. Otherwise if you do prefer to splice, my muse will only respond to whatever it is your character did or said last in their post. This is one of the reasons I can’t write novella, because often there is only so much you can write before you’re stepping into the territory of changing what went before and not allowing your partner to do anything about it.

TL;DR don’t ever worry about your post being too short for me. If it’s one sentence long but it’s because something fast-paced is happening, I won’t be miffed.

Shipping! - no not that kind of ship, Jack. I love shipping. Ships all around. Let’s face it, romance can be one of the most exciting reasons we bother writing. I am open to a lot of ships for Jack, practically all of them. Yes, even that one. I will do downright nasty, toxic, horrible stuff, savvy? It’s fiction and Jack is a great indulgence for bad things happening to him as much as good. That said, of course don’t force something on him without prior agreement between us. Well, I mean, your muse can try and accost him and see what he does, just don’t expect him to definitely reciprocate. Jack and I are bi/pansexual. We’re open to everything. I will admit a heavy lean toward m/m but, that said, Jack is extremely fond of the ladies, more so than Loki. I am very into Sparrington especially.

Not Safe For Ye Olde Work

Sliding down from the above topic, I enjoy the occasional smutting. It is not a requirement from my partners. In fact, I’m warming very much to fading to black depending on the context/mood/if things feel a bit repetitive. I do feel a touch more comfortable with partners who don’t need that boundary but as I’ve recently figured ‘if it needs a cut, then it’s smut’ I know when to skip on.

Saucy material will go under cuts/Read More’s and be tagged as mentioned above with ‘filthy pirate’. Additional tags will be based on the citrus scale: ‘lime’ for general grabbing, ‘lemon’ for full on sexual content and ‘grapefruit’ if things get extra kinky. I will tag things such as ‘rape tw’ or ‘noncon tw’ or ‘dubcon tw’ where necessary. Please blacklist any or all of these at your leisure, or search them if you fancy :U I do NOT tag these as ‘ns.fw’ because tumblr just completely hides them from being searchable which is useless for my partners.

OC’s - Due to my time constraints I am extremely picky when it comes to OC’s. This is a good fandom for well-thought-out muses and I know firsthand how hard it is to make headway as an OC in the RP world. However, I also understand that for people like me, I want to dip in on this site to mostly play with the characters and worlds I’m really absorbed in and ship my weaselly black guts out. Some people have more time than others to really give your OCs the time and love they deserve. Unless I’ve played with you a long time and I really like the cut of your and your muse’s jib, it’s very unlikely I’ll bite. Apologies! The same goes for crossover muses from fandoms I’m unfamiliar with, but I will let you know if that’s the case.

Limits

Threads - I don’t have a strict limit on how many to have per person but please bear in mind that the more of these you have with me the longer it will take me to get to a particular one (unless I’m spamming it back and forth). This is more a mun/muse context how many I accept.

Exclusives/mains - I don’t do these although I may consider having a maximum of 3 or 4 of one muse depending on activity levels and to ensure plots don’t get mixed up or attention feel unfairly balanced.

Triggers/squicks - I don’t like body horror e.g. graphic detail of squishy bits having bad things happen to them. I’m writing a pirate so there’s absolutely allowed to be elements of torture/violence, just don’t stab him in the eye or chop bits off him. One torture-related thing sends me into a complete freakout which I’ll discuss with partners if we’re doing a thread of that ilk as needed. Kink-wise I’m not into mpreg, A/B/O or infantilism or toilet things. Just ask me/Jack if you’re after something XD

Who I Am/What I Need From You

Being yourself is the most important thing and I promise I am not a scary person (usually). We’re only human and it’s natural that we’ll get along better with some rather than others. This is more to give you a gist of the sort of person I am and who I gel with best.

So I’m a shy hermit at the best of times. I’m trying to be better at engaging and enthusing with partners over our threads because I realise more than ever this does keep things alive and make for a more enjoyable experience. I’m not always great at it. I work best with people who are patient and don’t worry too much on what I think of them and their writing, with people who are happy to keep threads going for the longhaul rather than keep dropping everything before I’ve had the time to get to the next post, and most especially people who accept that fiction =/= reality. I do need a certain level of quality, which doesn’t always mean perfect grammar, but it must be coherent, fun and creative. I like a relaxed approach, sharing mutual enjoyment in silly fantasy world sandboxes as escapism from (and exploration of) this complicated world we live in.

If you managed to read all of this, have a drink (even if it’s water). You’re a diamond.

Pirate xxx

#rules #pinned post

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adhdtoomanycommas · 4 years

Text

Emotional Abuse and ADHD

Ok, first real post on the ADHD sideblog, so lets dive straight into the heavy stuff. TW/CW for emotional abuse, gaslighting, and probably some other things too (please feel free to let me know if I should add additional tags).

I had trouble sleeping last night because my brain kept insisting I needed to start this blog, like immediately, despite it being clearly not an opportune time to do anything of the sort. Or at least, it insisted, I needed to jot down all the essay/ramble/whatever topic ideas I had complicated thoughts on so I could start the blog today. I managed to resist doing both of those things, and get to sleep eventually, but here I am. The first topic that brought this on was wanting to talk about my experience in an emotionally abusive relationship and how many aspects of that were exacerbated by various symptoms of my (then undiagnosed) ADHD.

I’m going to assume a certain amount of baseline familiarity with some terminology and whatnot here, if you’re confused by any of the ADHD terms I use here I recommend heading over to theadhdmanual.com and reading their very helpful “three pillars” articles which do a great job of explaining Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and emotional hyperarrousal (also elsewhere called emotional disregulation, I’ll be using both terms interchangably but won’t be abbreviating the latter for hopefully obvious reasons). On the emotional abuse terminology front, there’s a couple great articles on gaslighting on everydayfeminism.com that I recommend seeking out.

It is possible I am slightly stalling here by providing all this context.

At this point damn near ten years ago, for most of my senior year of college and for a good few months afterwards (I don’t remember how long exactly since adhd brains suck at timelines and I don’t feel like logicing it out right now) I was in what I later realized (with help from the aforementioned everydayfeminism articles) was an emotionally abusive relationship. My then-boyfriend, who I will call Al, was insecure and jealous. I had more sexual experience than him going into the relationship, and he used that as an excuse to guilt-trip, manipulate, and ultimately control me. I realize now, that the primary weapon he would use against me was my own RSD.

Whenever I did something that upset Al, (typical infractions included things like accidentally mentioning one of my exes, correcting him about something, “flirting with” --read: talking to-- any of my friends who were more my friend than his, or singing along to music) he would generally make his displeasure known by ignoring me--withdrawing all physical affection, coupled with the silent treatment. If you’re familiar with RSD, you can already guess how effective this was. If you’re not, then for comparison you should know that ADHD people can spiral very quickly into completely irrational “they hate me, don’t they?” thought spiral from something as small as a delayed text. Al would almost never tell me what I did to upset him, and in my guilt-spiral I would usually tearfully beg forgiveness for everything I could think of until I guessed correctly and/or he arbitrarily decided I’d had enough.

As an aside, he would often do this silent treatment toward me in public while being perfectly cheerful and whatnot with our other friends, often making it seem to others like he was just joking or messing with me. On one memorable occasion he refused to say anything to me but the word “spoon” with varying inflections for the better part of a day--a pretty skillful gaslight because to everyone else around this just seemed like goofy ol’ Al being his silly self, but from context I knew this was part of a punishment, and I couldn’t express any kind of being upset about this, even annoyance, without looking like I was overreacting to a dumb joke.

Ultimately much of what he actually did (or didn’t do) in public didn’t look like much to an outside observer, but he knew my (RSD fueled) insecurity would make it hurt, especially when I wouldn’t be able to address anything with him until we were in private later.

Also (and I intend to write a whole different post about this later) my particular brand of emotional disregulation takes the form of crying extremely easily. I cry when I’m sad, when I’m tired, when I’m happy, when I see something too cute to handle, and (most importantly, in this instance) when I’m angry. Because of this, every time I tried to address some relationship concern I had with him, whenever I tried to call out some of his shitty behavior or bring attention to my own emotional needs, it was extremely difficult--nigh impossible--to do so without crying. This gave him a massive amount of gaslighting ammunition--it made it very easy for him to say I was overreacting, overemotional, irrational, trying to manipulate him, et cetera. And it was hard to defend myself against that, even to myself. After all, lacking the ADHD diagnosis and resources about emotional disregulation that I have now, I had pretty much internalized the idea that I’m just “oversensitive” when it comes to crying, so I rationalized that I was also being oversensitive about whatever concern I started with in the first place. So every time a conversation started with me telling him he hurt me some way, it inevitably ended with me apologizing to him instead of the other way around.

Just to add to the already nasty cycle, Al also considered crying over something he didn’t deem worth crying over a punishable offense, so it often triggered the previously discussed silent treatment.

A third aspect of ADHD I haven’t discussed yet also played a major part in how I was abused--Memory. I don’t have a good resource to link on this one (I’m pretty sure there are some good howtoadhd videos on it on youtube but I’m not going to go dig for them right now), but ADHD people, on the whole, have terrible memories, especially short term/working memory. Mine in particular might be even worse for some kinds of things for unrelated reasons (aphantasia, which I might write about later but this is already really long and it’s not actually that relevant here).

Al was perpetually convinced that I was cheating on him, and any time we were apart he would quiz me afterwards on where exactly I was, what I did, for how long, and in what order. Any inconsistency in my account, or any “I don’t remember”s would mean he would accuse me of lying about the whole thing. I am pretty sure I have in common with most ADHD people that between time blindness and bad working memories, giving a consistent and accurate account like that is basically impossible, so this rarely went well for me. Just to further complicate matters, being accused of lying when I’m not is practically guaranteed to make me cry, and trying to keep from crying (to avoid angering him further) means I swallow a lot, and somewhere Al had heard that excessive swallowing is a sign that someone is lying, so again these various ADHD symptoms would combine to just make everything worse.

I eventually got out of that relationship, and not too long afterwards got together with my now-husband, who is wonderful, so that’s a happy ending. Getting diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago, learning about these symptoms, and figuring all this out has made this make much more sense to me than before. But in addition to my ADHD symptoms making me more vulnerable to these emotional abuse tactics, I’m pretty sure the leftover baggage from the emotional abuse may have made those very same ADHD symptoms worse, and while my new meds seem to help immensely with the executive disfunction aspects of ADHD, they don’t do a damn thing about RSD spirals or emotional disregulation. Healing and processing it all is slow going, but it has gotten a lot better over the years, and knowing now that even another aspect of this isn’t my fault helps too. And taking my meds today did help me motivate myself to write all this out, so maybe that will help as well.

I’m not sure what the takeaway is here, other than I strongly suggest everyone learn what gaslighting and emotional abuse in general looks like, but especially if you have ADHD or suspect you might have ADHD because we might be more vulnerable to being on the receiving end of it than most people. If anything I talked about here sounds a little too familiar, I strongly recommend reading up on gaslighting, and consider getting the heck away from anyone who sounds too much like Al. Maybe us ADHDers will inevitably get into some nasty thought-spirals or bad emotional places sometimes, maybe we’ll cry over nothing or worry too much that something we said will make everyone hate us, but if anyone tries to use any of that against you, uses it to get you to do what they want, or intentionally makes you feel worse, they’re not someone worth being around, and I promise you deserve better.

Not sure if anyone will read this, much less any fellow ADHDers because yeah, it’s a big ol’ wall of text and I get that can be hard, but if you made it this far, thanks for listening and I’ll try to go not quite so heavy with my next post, (assuming, of course, that I have a next post and this blog doesn’t become yet another started-and-abandoned project).

That’s all for now.

#adhd #actuallyadhd #rsd problems #emotional abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw emotional manipulation #gaslighting #tw gaslighting

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