#i made this to make myself feel better after e6 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theoneofwhomisblue · 8 months

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Maybe following 3,000 people isn't great

Because I fucking hate scrolling through this fucking site now

I'm not even joking, I fucking hate this shit

This site sucks ass

Also if this post has less than 10 notes in 3 hours I'm deleting it

I know this is completely my fault. I also don't give a fuck

I'm too tired to curate my page to be decent for me

I'm so fucking tired

This site sucks ass

Reddit sucks ass

Tumblr sucks ass

The Internet fucking sucks

Google is constantly bitching at me to pay for more space in my account cause I habitually download every Tumblr and reddit image resulting in 13 gigabytes of bullshit

I fucking hate this

Anyway

I'll find better stuff to post tomorrow

Or not

I don't know

I'm so fucking tired

Kill myself

What the fuck do I do with my time now? Is there another site or app worth my time?

Tumblr's ass, I'll still use it but it's dogshit

I'm too tired to even do reddit anymore

Twitter is fucking disgusting and gets worse by the day because of dipshit mcmusk

And that's all that comes to mind

YouTube is constant background noise, but the algorithm there is fucked up too

I hate every video thats recommended to me

I'm not doing fucking tiktok

I don't care about my standards anywhere else, but no fucking tiktok

What else is there now?

Oh yeah, I can't comment on webtoon because I accidentally said fuck in a comment, so all the fun community stuff there is gone now too

All the webtoons suck ass anyway

The only fucking app that hasn't disappointed me is cookie clicker

Been playing it for like 400 days

I make continual progress

I just check in every two days to pop the wrinklers

Then after a month or two on a run I check in after a week

Until my legacy points start to plateau, then I reset

And get all the upgrades I can afford

Buy 5 grandmas, then 90 more, then as many more as I can afford that'd a multiple of 100

I do the same on everything else

Except the fractile engines, which I buy as many as possible, no matter the multiple

And buy all the items

Then at that point I start the research facilities, then start one, and check back in 30 minutes until I've researched them all

Then I top off the fractile engines and leave for a day

Then check every day, popping the wrinklers until a week in, then every 2 days. Then after a few months once every week

Then I do it all again

And spend all the legacy points on the upgrades I can afford

It's rewarding you know

Consistent anyway

Unlike reddit and Tumblr and Twitter and YouTube and everything else, it doesn't fuck me over on the algorithm whatever the fuck

Reddits decent for the porn, that's all

You know, I used to use a lot of sites for porn

Dozens and dozens of sites bookmarked

Then at some point I started to only use r34 reddit nhentai, and occasionally the good ol hub

I didn't use to have accounts, I'd depend on my memory for different images and accounts and artists and comics and shit

Then I made accounts on r34 phub reddit e6 gelb nhentai and half a dozen others

And started saving things

It used to be a fun game to try to remember

Now it's gone

But I'm too tired to continue that anyway

Anyway, same shit everything else as with the porn at this point

No variety

Nothing fun

It's all annoying bullshit

With the Advent of machine learning chat bot whatever the fucks, there's a little bit new

But aside from that, it's just the same thing every day

I'm so fucking tired of living like this duxe

The fucking internet used to mean something

Now it's just the boring status quo bullshit

And I know that it's because of me

But still

It fucking sucks

I don't want to do this shit

And I spend like 10 hours a day on the Internet too

More than ever

But I'm not happy

Barely entertained

But it kills time

If I need information, porn, music, videos, whatever elze

Entertainment

I get it

But I'm not happy about it

It's shitty

I feel like shit

Like, my life outside the internet is decent. But the Internet consumes so much of it, and I don't even like it anymore

I don't know if there's a fix

Or if I should just stop being so online and shit

I'm too tired to do anything anyway

I don't know

I take pride in what I achieve for some reason

But as soon as I get the imaginary goal point, I don't give a shit

Over a year I got a shit ton of reddit karma on a new accoutn

A specific number, that I won't say to keep myself from seeming like I'm trying to brag

But once I got it, I no longer cared to comment or post

Over 2 or 3 months, I don't remember, whenever 196 shut down, I got a relative shit ton of followers

Again, a specific number, but I won't say

I'll keep that number secret, cause I can

But once I got this imaginary amount that I thought I'd never reach, I didn't care anymore

I still posted as much as I did before

But I got no joy out of it

I just post, wait a few hours, then check to see how many notes

If it's an amount equal to what I think is average for the amount of followers I have, I feel kinda good, then post again

But that's it

I don't scroll anymore, except occasionally on my followers profiles when I accidentally click on them while looking through my new notes

And I enjoy that

But other than those fleeting moments, and the small satisfaction I get from high note counts I don't care

I don't care for Tumblr or anything else on this shit

I don't know man, is this how other people do stuff on the Internet?

I don't think so, people always have strong emotions on the Internet

I emulate my internet behavior to match, which makes me think that maybe more people do the same as me

But I have no evidence

I don't know, I'm too fucking tired of this shit

I just got an apathy about the Internet at this point

Apps, sites, everything

I just don't care

But I'm always on it

It makes no sense

I should probably proofread this post as I go

This is just a stream of consciousness at this point

I won't check it as I go

Maybe I'll make this a thing

Just typing my unfiltered thoughts for like 30 minutes then posting

Depends on the notes I get

If the notes are bad I'll just delete it and forget about it

Who knows

I guess I keep trying to do that

I'll do something new on Tumblr like this

And think "oh, maybe this'll be a new thing I do" then it dies

At first it was my consistent posting of reddit shit for like a year ago

Then I stopped posting that consistently

Then it was random screenshots of mine

I even made a tag for that one

Then it died

I keep thinking of myself as someone important because of my follower count

Which doesn't make sense as it's not even a lot

But still

I don't know

My delusions of microcelebrity status are the only thing keeping me on this site/app at this point

If I didn't have that, and the fuel for the delusion that is notes I'd be gone

I did already fuck my recommended tab

And following tab

And tag tab

It's already all bullshit

I guess I can keep my narcissism about my status in this site because of the top post by notes tab on a blog

I just click into someones

And 9 times out of ten, they don't have top note counts even comparable to time

Which fuels the delusion

It's the same thing I'd do on reddit

"oh this person only has [x] karma, when they've been on reddit for 3 years. And I have triple that, and I've had this account for 6 months. I'm better"

Shit like this is what makes the internet garbage

I don't let it bleed into the theme of my posts and comments tho

I let it make me feel superior than everyone else

But if I made that obvious in any post it'd be for naught

For that reason I'm considering not posting this anymore

Whatever, this post is already super long rambling bullshit

If it gets good notes a single anecdote in it won't matter

And if it doesn't get good notes I'll delete it

Then there's no harm

I just thought of that reasoning now to keep doing this post

Cause I got sunk cost fallacy on this at this point

It was a vent thing at the start

Now it's just me trying to think mildly interesting shit to add

I guess I can use that other reasoning to post anything

If it goes bad, delete it, and no one would have saw it, and no one will, so I matters naught

And if it goes good, who gives a shit

Nothing I post would be bad, maybe cringe, maybe rambling bullshit, as this js

But not bad, so it'd be fine

I lost my train of thought

I think I was gonna say something else about what I'm posting, and how it would be fine

That's gone now

Poof, into the abyss that is lost thoughts

This does kill time tho

It's been like 40 minutes since I started this

This is basically what I do in my mind if I just let my mind run, uninterrupted

But here it's written down, with line breaks, and exact words rather than a mix of words and images and concepts

So it's more digestible

I suppose it's not completely true to say this is my pure train of thought, not just because of the exclusion of images and concepts

But also because I'm listening to music

Just enough to mild my mind so to speak

My mind is always going man, and if I don't have something to dampen it

Like music, or weird fidgety things I do with my hands (I don't know the word), or exact things to focus on, I think way too much

And spiral and shit in stress

But then my thoughts are too frantic and fast to write down before they disappear, so in a way this is as pure a log of thoughts as anything could be

You can tell the theme of how I sound now, vs at the beginning

If you don't want to scroll up you can just look at the tags

I typed them near the beginning

And haven't added to them

Nor deleted them

So you can just look slightly down to see the notes

It's not even the right topic anymore. It's still on reddit

And Tumblr and internet shit

Oh yeah, speaking of

I've just said my Tumblr scrolling is bad without specifying

But to specify now, it's like scrolling through Twitter

Weird serious discourses

Arguments

Peculiar topics

Shit like that

You know, not the Tumblr I had before

And if I don't like scrolling through Twitter, why would I be here? And that's the bind I'm in now

I only stick around anymore because of the notes, as I said

I'm back to using punctuation occasionally

Not too much, but at least some commas

No periods though, they seem too intense for a stream of consciousness thinf

Question marks too, but that's about all

Oh yeah, stuff I was talking about before

Webtoon

I shit talked webtoon

It's not too bad

I just fucking hate slice of life shit, dumb "funny" shit, and worst of all romance

I fucking hate romance webtoons

I can't stomach them

And webtoon is constantly shoving exactly those down your throat

And when my tolerance is low to begin with, and I enter webtoon, and it throws a fucking popup in my face for a dogshit new romance thing, I damn near snap my phone in half

But it's not too bad

I just read the fantasy/action/thriller/horror/drama (ones without romance shit) ones

But I can't navigate the canvas section decent at all

By design obviously, canvas doesn't make webtoon money, the originals do

But I'm too tired to work against them

So I only read originals

But at least they post regularly

I read around 70 webtoons now

Which is to say, I read the new episodes of them when they come out

With such a large selection, I have like 4 webtoons minimum updating every day at 7:00 pm

8:00 when there's time change

But 7:00 most of the timr

It notifies you at 7:30 but they update at 7:00

Except for the goblin one, which updates at like 7:20 for some reason

And the daily pass ones, those update at 8:00 for some reason

But they notify you directly at 8:00 for those if I remember correctly

Even still

I remember roughly which days are best

Tuesdays have the most, like 15 updated at once

And ones I really like too

Fridays have a handful, and the one daily pass that I read as they come out week by week

Saturdays have like 4 I really care about, then like 5 I think are mediocre, but they kill time so Saturdays are good

Mondays are ok, but that's about it

Wednesdays are kinda ass, but they're decent

Thursdays used to be amazing, but after like 3 I really care about went on hiatus, Thursdays don't matter anymore

But having like 60 (because 5-10 are on hiatus at a time) new episodes a week, divied up across the week pretty well

Is nice

Now, I did accidentally say fuck in a comment, because there was a guy shipping children and saying sexual stuff about it, then there was a reply on it from another guy defending it. So I got mad, and typed a paragraph saying why that was fucked up

But I said fuck

So I can't comment anymore

I don't know, webtoons ok tho

I was just pissed off earlier

What else was there

Oh yeah reddit

I've actually been temp banned from Reddit (like my entire account) twice for using up too much server space on bullshit

There's this thing where you type u/profanitycounter [self] and it tells you how many times youve said certain swears in like the past 500 comments

So, for a joke, twice I've copy pasted "cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum...", The max amount of times you can in one comment (a few thousand, I can't remember), then do that in a comment chain with myself for like 150 comments in a row

And it takes me several hours, but it's funnt

But it resulted in a temp ban for 2 days

Then like 4 months later, a temp ban for a week

Cause I used too much space, or bandwidth or whatever the fuck doing that

Also I got banned from r/Barry for saying the last season was ass

And I got banned from r/notinteresting for a reason I don't fucking know

But aside from that, my accounts clean

With a shit ton of karma too

Oh yeah, I use the same username (or a derivative of it) for every porn site account I make.

If you can find it out somehow I'll give you the passwords to the accounts

I doubt anyone could, it's a different username than I use for anything else

But there's hints

If anyone cares I'll even give you a few more hints directly in a DM if you ask

Though I will be vague as fuck

Been doing this for over an hour now

I wasn't paying enough attention to when I started

I'm pretty sure I heard someone say that Tumblr has no character cap

Let's hope so

I'm too tired to continue this shit

I guess this ends it

Let me know if y'all want more bullshit like this

I, personally, always like an unfiltered look at someone mind

But that's me personally

Maybe my mind is bland and uninteresting

Who knows

I'll stick with what I said at the beginning tho

Less than 10 notes in 3 hours and this post going bye bye

I got a headache from this shit

I thought way more than I usually do

Now that I'm more chill, I don't hate tumblr

I fucked it up for me

But y'all are good

Tumblr's good

#196 #fucking kill myself #i left reddit for this shit #and now I hate both #i lost what i had for scrolling and finding semi entertaining content #i fucking hate this #new tag in case this becomes regular; and if I remember to use it →#continuous thoughts

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stalemateserial · 4 months

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Fifty-two days were managing to feel like an eternity and an eyeblink. There was so much Ruth wanted to do, and so much she was ready to leave behind. She had been spared the indignity of an audience, and burdened with the necessity of companionship. It was better not to be alone, she recognized that much, but what a shame it all was. What a damn shame.

She's reading over the notations of the game, making plans, recanting them when she realizes it's pointless to speculate too far ahead. That was the point, after all, wasn't it? The relative unpredictability of one's opponent. The hiss of the toilet cuts through the air, and Judy settles into her spot on the other side of the table.

"Thinking of what my next move is going to be?"

"I can hardly contain myself, now that you mention it."

"Well, wait no longer, apparently the loo is inspiring."

Ruth giggles. "Loo, what a great word. I mean, it makes sense, television becomes TV, or telly, in your case, advertisement becomes ad, lavatory becomes loo. It's just something I'd expect from my country, not the prim and proper ones."

"We call them adverts in my country, you Yankee."

"Yes, yes, took over the country your people colonized, made your military look foolish, you can't imagine my shame."

"Pointless fights started by foolish men. All over land that never belonged to them."

"I say 'you can't imagine my shame' with a smirk on my face and tears in my eyes. But you're stalling, let's hear your move."

"Right then, queenside bishop, C2."

"Ah, eyeing up my knight, are you?"

"They've had it too good for too long."

"Fine then. I won't take your bait, though. Pawn to E6."

"Quick decision."

"I had some time to think."

"Speaking of time, I believe that you said that you owed me more of your story. I fulfilled my part of the bargain, you'd best be good on your word."

"You ought not to expect so much from Yankees."

"Come off it, you know you all live for the spotlight. Entertain me, Miss Broadway."

"Broadway's in Manhattan, I'm from Queens."

"You know, they have one of those where I'm from, too."

Ruth's been giggling like crazy, but that one finally sets her off laughing. It feels good to feel good for once, to still have moments of solace. "Alright, alright, do you want the story or not?"

"I'm all ears."

"So Anne, that was the name of the girl. She was a year older than me, quite tall, gorgeous blonde hair and eyes like honey. I thought she was incredible, but she was so quiet, so reserved. It was part of the reason that Susan, the woman that had rescued me in my brother, wanted to introduce her. She said Anne had a hard time making friends.

"It turned out a big reason why was that Anne was rather sickly. Not enough to stay out of school, nothing like that, just had an immune system on the weak side. She didn't like to go out much, which I was alright with. It's actually where I first started playing chess. It was nice to have an opponent that respected me, rather than either taking it easy on me or getting upset when I beat them.

"The only time Anne liked to be outside was when it got dark. She loved looking at the stars. We'd get up on the roof of her apartment building with her dad's telescope and try to find the planets. She said she wanted to walk on the moon someday. At first, I thought she was crazy, but a couple years later, Gagarin went up into space. We were still on that roof, looking at stars by then. We'd both gotten older, spent such a long time together, I genuinely thought it would never come to an end."

Ruth swallows, her eyes looking glassy, the quick hitch in her voice unmistakable.

"Eventually, Anne moved. Her father had been elected to an important position in Washington, D.C. It was so hard to say goodbye to her. I didn't even know how, I kept saying 'this won't be the last time'. I wanted to remember her, just like she had been, all those years we were together. Sometimes it feels like that's why I put in for the Programme. If she saw that I walked on the moon, she'd find her way back to me."

"Do you have any idea what she's doing now?"

"I'm sure that I don't. I have to wonder if she's read my name in the papers, if she knows that it's me up here. I just wish I could have really said goodbye, the way she deserved."

"Ruth…"

"I know, Judy. I don't want to spoil the mood. I just… couldn't help but think about why I'm up here. What this all is for."

"I understand. I really do."

Ruth closes the distance, pulling her friend into a tight hug, wondering how many of them can fit into fifty-two days.

#queer writers #web serial #writers on tumblr

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celestialcrownsvn · 2 years

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Lune Scene Teaser

As per Twitter vote, here is one of Lune’s scenes! For this scene I’ve used a nonbinary Terra, and the “confident” choice option.

"After the last of the commoners are gone, Celeste bows to me." Celeste "I believe that it is just about time for your afternoon tea with Advisor Lemaire, Your Majesty." Terra "Right." "I stand, trying to push thoughts of the Andromedan ambassador from my head." "I lead the way to the study. Normally Celeste would depart around this hour to take her lunch, but she falls into step behind me." Celeste "That was awfully bold of the ambassador." "I scoff." Terra "More than." Celeste "It's a shame you can't marry him, instead." Terra "You must be joking. Marry that impertinent man?" "Celeste giggles, and I roll my eyes." "We part ways at the door to my study. She opens it for me, and when I step inside, I see Lune is waiting, sitting at the coffee table with the tea set already ready." Lune "Your Majesty." Terra "Advisor." "I can't help but regard him a bit cooly." Terra "I believe that you owe me a game of chess?" "Lune sighs." Lune "Must we really meet like this every day? We spend enough time together on matters of policy, and I have better things to do." Terra "My father said that one of the most important aspects of ruling is cultivating close relationships with your council." Lune "Well your father and I still didn't have tea ever day like a gaggle of gossips." "I take a seat and reach for one of the white pawns on the chess board. He gives another sigh, but when I move my pawn to e4, he responds with e6." "Lune is much better than me at chess, despite the fact that I'm fairly certain he hates the game. It's not fair." Terra "You should not be so contradictory, Advisor. First you complain I don't tell you enough, now you complain we talk too much." "Lune lifts his head to glower at me." "I move to d4 next, and predictably, he chooses d5." Terra "What do you think of the Andromedan ambassador?" Lune "How do you mean?" Terra "I mean, don't you think he's rather mouthy for an ambassador? He speaks more like a member of the King's council. Did you notice that he was leading those talks the entire time the other day?" Lune "Not so unusual, on foreign soil. But perhaps in Andromeda the ambassadors are of a higher standing." "I consider this with a frown and pour myself a cup of tea." Lune "So then, have you made your choice?" "Now it is my turn to sigh." Terra "I still have time." Lune "Not much. of it." "He takes my knight, and I purse my lips." Terra "This is tea time, discussing business is strictly forbidden." Lune "If not business, then what else have we to discuss? We are not friends, Your Majesty. I am your advisor and you are my Monarch." Terra "Must you make everything difficult?" "I set down my teacup a bit too roughly, turning to stare out the window." Terra "Honestly, sometimes being with you is like getting a tooth pulled." Lune "I can say the feeling is mutual, Monarch." Terra "Well you're not allowed to!" Terra "Now drink your tea and be quiet." "Lune huffs and leans back in his seat." Lune "What if I don't want tea?" Terra "Then no tea for you." "I pull the teapot closer to me just to be contrary. It bumps into my cup and spills a little tea onto the table, but I don't care." "I lift the cup and aggressively drink down the remaining liquid as Lune and I sit in stubborn silence, his head turned at what has to be an uncomfortable ninety degree angle so he can stare moodily at the wall." "I'm sure he's still upset about the council meeting this morning, but so am I. He had no right to speak to me that way." "Yet, here he is like a proud cat, refusing the olive branch I am attempting to extend." "I glance at him surreptitiously over the rim of my cup. Lune watches me from the corner of his eye." "I swiftly look away, setting down my teacup and refilling it." Lune "…" Terra "…" Lune "…" Terra "…" Lune "…I will have some tea, then." Terra "Oh it's too late for that." Lune "Your Majesty, don't be childish." Terra "Me childish? Mr. 'What if I don't want tea?'' "Lune presses his hands against his knees, expression disgruntled." "He watches me drink the entire pot by myself." "By the last cup, I have had my fill of tea for the rest of the day, but I'm determined to finish it out of spite alone." Lune "Oh well done, you." Terra "I'm very proud of myself." "He presses two fingers from his left hand to his temple." Lune "…All right. I suppose I can see the benefit of informal gatherings between a Monarch and advisor." Lune "But can these gatherings not also be in a setting that allows us to be productive?" Terra "Such as?" Lune "We could hold them in the council room and complete paperwork while we have our tea." "I shake my head wearily." Terra "Tea time is supposed to be relaxing. How am I supposed to relax over paperwork?" Lune "Your father managed." "I sip at my tea, staring down at the smooth brown liquid." Terra "I'm not my father." Lune "…" Lune "No, you're not." "I sigh and wave a hand." Terra "Right." "Inevitably, my mind drifts to my father's death." "It came as such a shock to all of us. His heart had given out, normal enough for his age, I suppose…" "Yet, I always saw him as some bigger than life, invincible thing. I should know better than anyone that Royals have flaws, limitations, just like normal people." "I clear my throat, downing the rest of my tea." "Lune and I finish our game and surprising no one, he wins." "He seems to take ending our tea time early as a reward for his win, for almost immediately after he says 'checkmate,'' he rises and bows."

#visual novel #visual novel development #celestial crowns #game development

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k-s-morgan · 4 years

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Will’s vs. Hannibal’s Ways of Expressing Love

The fact that Hannibal loves Will and is in love with him is openly stated in the show several times. Will’s feelings, on the other hand, are more ambiguous, which is why some viewers often doubt whether Hannibal’s love is reciprocated. I think that exploring the ways these two men experience and react to love can explain the varying degrees of their openness about it.

I’ll put TLDR right here: Hannibal is more open about himself and his feelings, including love, hence he doesn’t have many challenges with admitting it. Will is closed off, stiff, and emotionally repressed, so he expresses his feelings in a much more subtle way.

Let’s start with Hannibal. Details about his past are scarce, but we know that he admits to loving two people throughout his life, his sister and Will.

E3 of S3.

*Bedelia: What your sister made you feel was beyond your conscious ability to control or predict … I would suggest what Will Graham makes you feel is not dissimilar. A force of mind and circumstance.*

*Hannibal: Love.*

Undoubtedly, Hannibal’s love for Mischa was traumatic and unhealthy. He loved her so much that he ate a part of her body after she was killed, devastated by this loss. But it was still love that made him feel all the related emotions, so Hannibal has some experience with it. From what we know of him, he has a very broad mind. He despises limitations and overcomes them, and he is not ashamed of who he is. He isn’t embarrassed to cry in the opera or to be the first to stand up and applaud; he delights in stereotypically ‘feminine’ hobbies like cooking and clothes selection; he draws fan-art and openly expresses his admiration when it’s due. For this reason, Hannibal doesn’t have many problems with expressing love either.

Upon meeting Will, he is immediately drawn to him. He sees him as his potential partner and decides he wants to try and build a family with him as early as E2 of S1. That’s when he starts planting the idea of Abigail being their shared daughter in Will’s mind. He does the same to Abigail, urging her to see him and Will as her parents, even giving her shrooms to evoke the desired associations (unsuccessfully since Will doesn’t come to dinner). So, Hannibal acknowledged his pull/infatuation with Will from the very start, and he acted on it right away.

It’s not 100% love at this point, but Hannibal still easily follows his emotions. He doesn’t stop to consider how strange it is to want a family with a man he just met; he doesn’t agonize over the idea of how his life has more risks now that he allows another human being to know him. When these feelings progress at the end of S1/start of S2, Hannibal is finally taken aback. While he never planned to leave Will in prison and it was a part of his plan, he still didn’t expect to miss him so much — he admits it to Bedelia, looking forlorn, in E1 of S2. He repeatedly pines for Will by sitting in front of his chair at the time of his supposed appointment, glancing at the clock despite knowing Will is not going to come. This is a shift to an actual love, but Hannibal still doesn’t fight it. On the contrary, he embraces it, and he spends the entire S2 doing repeatedly romantic gestures for Will. Namely:

1) Protects Abigail to reunite Will with her later.

2) Shares a part of himself he doesn’t seem to have ever shared with anyone else. He talks to Will about Mischa, reveals his views on murder and God, acknowledges he cared about Abigail, and shows vulnerability. He shares his teacup ritual with him, which is something precious and deeply personal.

3) He digs up fake Freddie’s corpse and decorates it as a way of courting Will (as directly said by Alana).

4) He draws a fan-art of himself and Will as Achilles and Patroclus.

5) He is ready to abandon his well-established life in Baltimore and reputation to run away with Will. In Hannibal’s view, no one truly suspects him and there is no evidence against him, but Will is in danger. So he’s willing to discard everything he’s been building for 20 years for him.

Finally, he calls Will a loved one more or less directly in E13 of S2 (in fact, he implies that they both love each other).

*Hannibal: Do you know what an imago is, Will? … An imago is an image of a loved one buried in the unconscious, carried with us all our lives.*

*Will: An ideal.*

*Hannibal: The concept of an ideal... I have a concept of you, just as you have a concept of me.*

Will hurts him with his betrayal, and Hannibal still finds himself unable to kill him. He is openly crying in the finale, admitting how Will hurt him, breaks his (and his own) heart by killing Abigail, and flees to Europe to start a new life. But things don’t go as he hoped they would. Bedelia is not a worthy substitute, and Hannibal is increasingly slipping into a self-destructive state because of his love for Will. He kills Anthony, who was an improved copy of Will, and turns him into a Valentine heart for him. Again, this is a very explicit and open emotional action. Hannibal doesn’t hide his feelings. He’s an emotional wreck with Bedelia in E3, and as they are talking about Will, he admits he’s in love with him.

*Hannibal: You cannot control with respect to whom you fall in love.*

Bedelia points out his self-destructiveness.

*Bedelia: You're going to get caught. It's already been set into motion … I know exactly how I will be navigating my way out of whatever it is I’ve gotten myself into. Do you?*

After Hannibal keeps spiraling and kills Sogliato, she adds: *You're drawing them to you, aren't you? All of them.*

Hannibal gets so self-destructive over Will that he lets Jack beat himself almost to death, not even attempting to fight him. The first words he says to Will after they reunite in E6 are:

*Hannibal: If I saw you every day forever, Will, I would remember this time.*

He’s a romantic. The courtship, the Valentine heart, the romance — Hannibal did have some struggles, but overall, he accepts these feelings and isn’t afraid to act on them.

When Will pulls a knife in E6, Hannibal classifies it as another betrayal. This is where he decides to kill and eat him in the hope to put an end to this misery (which is what he and Bedelia discussed back in E3). However, even blinded by another heartbreak, Hannibal tries to save Will at the same time. He knows the police are coming and he puts off the moment of sawing for as long as he can, first fussing over Will and his wound, then waiting for Jack, then doing everything slowly as hell.

Everything changes in E7, when Hannibal faces the real risk of losing Will and comes to terms with the fact that a hope of life with him is better than life without him. So Hannibal carries Will home bridal-style, takes care of him, waits for him to wake up and writes formulas to reverse time. He directly tells Will that Will won, and that he, Hannibal, is at Will’s mercy.

*Hannibal: Your memory palace is building. It's full of new things. It shares some rooms with my own. I've discovered you there. Victorious.*

He gives himself up, sacrificing the freedom he’s been fighting for back in E2 finale, in the hope that one day, Will is going to come back to him. After this, Hannibal is all about Will, with all his heart. Throughout the second half of S3, he says things like, *“I gave you a child. You are family, Will. Was it good to see me?”*, etc. He agrees to risk his life by agreeing to Will’s plan, knowing he’s planning something but not knowing what and if he’d die in the process. In E13, Hannibal says:

*Hannibal: "No greater love hath man than to lay down his life for a friend"* and shields Will from the bullet. Later, he allows Will to push them both down, and he stays with him afterward.

Conclusion: Hannibal is very accepting of himself, so he doesn’t undergo severe challenges on the path to acknowledging what he feels for Will. He knows what love feels like because he felt it for Mischa before, so he embraces loving Will pretty quickly, even though he doesn’t know how to best approach it at times. That’s why we get direct and explicit confirmation of his feelings several times.

Now, on to Will.

Unlike with Hannibal, there is no evidence that Will has ever experienced love before (at least love for people). We know he had a father and was lonely as a child.

E4 of S1.

*Will: We were poor. I followed my father from the boat yards in Biloxi and Greenville to lake boats on Erie.*

*Hannibal: Always the new boy at school? Always the stranger?*

*Will: Always.*

His choice of words indicates that his relationship with his father wasn’t all that good (for instance, *I followed my father* instead of *My father and I had to…*). So, it doesn’t look like Will ever had meaningful connections. More than that, he says:

*Will: There’s something so foreign about family. Like an ill-fitting suit. Never connected to the concept.*

We can suggest that he doesn’t know what love is or how it feels like. From E1, we know he isolates himself because he hates himself for who he is: he understands he’s different, that there is darkness in him, but he desperately tries to subdue it and deny this fact. He’s rude, twitchy, and unhappy, but like Hannibal, he understands the extent of his loneliness only upon meeting him. That’s when he tries forming relationships with others.

Will’s relationships with Alana and Abigail are a good indication of his problems with love. He wants to be with Alana because he needs to feel normal. In 99% of cases, he remembers about her only when she comes to seek him out first. He kisses her for the first time at the moment of particular vulnerability, fearing that he’s finally losing his mind (in E8). When Hannibal calls him out on it, Will doesn’t deny it and semi-nods. He actually had to agree with it verbally according to the script.

*Will: I feel unstable.*

*Hannibal: That’s why you kissed her. A clutch for balance.*

*Will: Because I’m losing mine.*

So, it’s not that Will feels romantic love for Alana — he uses her because he desperately needs to feel like everyone else. Alana is a pretty, smart, normal woman who fits this goal perfectly. He doesn’t allow himself to be genuine with her unlike he does with Hannibal, to whom he opens up.

Will confesses to Hannibal that he loved killing Hobbs in E2, which got him down and made him panic. Hannibal supports him, and Will keeps coming back to him. He talks about everything important with Hannibal, opening parts of himself that he guards from everyone else. Will asks Hannibal to look after his dogs as early as E4 — he doesn’t have other friends, and he’s already focused on Hannibal. He buys into an idea of having a family with him and Abigail, which is amazing for Will, who has just said he could never relate to the concept of family.

When Will buys a gift for Abigail in the same E4 and freaks out, Hannibal asks him:

*Hannibal: Feeling paternal, Will?*

Will’s reaction is instant and defensive:

*Will: Aren’t you?*

Hannibal easily says “yes”, which disarms Will. This is a great contrast between them: Hannibal isn’t afraid to talk and acknowledge his feelings while Will is embarrassed of them and shies away from them. In fact, this is a repeat of their conversation in E2.

*Hannibal: You saved Abigail Hobbs' life. You also orphaned her. It comes with certain emotional obligations.*

*Will: You were there. You saved her life, too. Do you feel obligated?*

Again, Will deflects. He’s wary of emotions, especially of admitting them out loud.

Will shows a hint of romantic interest in Hannibal in E7. He brings him a bottle of wine out of blue, but unfortunately, he stumbles upon the party Hannibal is preparing. Hannibal invites him to stay, but Will says he won’t be good company. He’s shy and awkward, smiling nervously and dropping his gaze in embarrassment. Then we have this lovely line:

*Will: I’ve got a date with the Chesapeake Ripper.*

So, in S1, Will makes considerable emotional progress. He realizes he wants a family after all, and while he makes several half-hearted attempts to court Alana, he’s mostly focused on Hannibal and Abigail. He opens himself up to Hannibal, receives official guardianship over Abigail with him, arguably flirts with Hannibal (like in the wine scene above), and covers up murder to protect their family. But then Hannibal betrays him. Will doesn’t know his reasons yet, but this betrayal plunged him into darkness, bitterness, and new stage of emotional repression. It’s worth mentioning another point of Abigail here: in the end, Will doesn’t know her. He spoke to her only several times, and even fewer times were genuine. He loves the idea of her, and this idea was introduced by Hannibal, not by Abigail’s presence. It’s Hannibal who forced Will to confront his need to love and be loved.

In S2, Will is incredibly conflicted. He acknowledges to Hannibal that he hurt him, tries to kill him via Matthew, but when he recognizes that Hannibal wants him as a friend (as spoken in E7), his attitude changes. Will doesn’t plan to forgive him, he’s still angry at Hannibal for killing Abigail (which is his biggest conflict, as evident from his talks with Hannibal himself and Freddie), but now, he can’t bring himself to harm or betray Hannibal.

He gets his first chance in E7, after being released from prison. He threatens Hannibal with a gun and has a perfect chance to make him pay, but he doesn’t. Instead, he conspires with Jack and decides to cultivate co-dependency, creating an environment where only he “and the fish exist” (E8). What does Will do to start? He makes himself physically attractive, grooming and dressing prettily. It’s a seduction on all levels, and Will plans to use emotions to hurt Hannibal back. At the same time, Will admits to being confused over what he feels for Hannibal.

E8 of S2.

*Will: I envy you your hate. Makes it much easier when you know how to feel.*

E9 of S2 (talking about trying to kill Hannibal with Margot).

*Margot: Did he have it coming?*

*Will: What do you think?*

*Margot: I can't say that I know.*

*Will: Neither can I.*

He spends the rest of the season lying to both Hannibal and Jack, unsure whose side to choose, too lost in his own feelings to make sense of them. At the same time, he has a dream where Hannibal calls him beloved in E9. It shows that Will contemplates the idea of love in relation to Hannibal. In E10, Will tries to fantasize about Alana as he’s having sex with Margot. However, he sees the image of Wendigo near the fireplace, Wendigo who he’s used to associating with Hannibal. Two interesting things (copied from my other meta): first, Will actually sees Hannibal’s room and consequently, he sees himself in it (or he sees their rooms united). Second, he sees the Wendigo near Hannibal’s fireplace. Fireplace has many meanings, including passion, sexuality, home, family, and resurrection. It emphasizes the sexual and romantic subtext of this uniquely shot scene, where people destined to be together have sex with the wrong partners. Will’s vision begins to contract, focusing on Wendigo: he is having an orgasm at this very moment, imagining the Wendigo’s face very close, approaching him. Still through the misty eyes, he tries to focus on Alana again, but his gaze moves up to Wendigo above her, as if he can’t help himself. He and Hannibal reach orgasm first, with Alana and Margot following them. So, Will dragged Hannibal into his sex fantasy. It’s both symbolic and physical: he tried to imagine Alana just like he tried to have a relationship with her before, in S1, out of his desire to be normal. But his attention is inevitably drawn to Hannibal, who’s his “real deal”.

Based on this scene, it’s underlined once again how Will struggles with emotions. Even in the safety of his own mind, in his own fantasy, he tries to think of Alana but still ends up with Hannibal. Will is always fighting himself and who he is. He refuses to accept his darkness just as he refuses to admit he loves Hannibal. It’s the essence of who he is, denial is his second name.

Among the important moments, there are Will’s words to Hannibal:

*Will: You are right. We are just alike. You are as alone as I am. And we are both alone without each other.*

So, Will accepts the bond with Hannibal, and at this stage, he even has the courage to voice some of his emotional thoughts. His progress is slow, but it’s there.

In E11, Will has a nightmare. He sees a burning corpse of ‘Freddie’ in a wheelchair, a symbol of his betrayal of Hannibal, and he hears his own increasing screaming. It’s easy to interpret, knowing the context: Will feels guilty for lying to Hannibal.

When Margot loses her child, Will feels renewed anger at Hannibal. He fantasizes about killing him and gets to realize his fantasy with Mason’s help in E12. But at the last moment, Will changes his mind and chooses Hannibal. He does the same thing in E13 by calling him. When he sees him, he doesn’t even try to point a gun at him: he asks why he didn’t leave as he was supposed to, and he even leans forward to accept the knife, accept the punishment for betrayal.

So, Will chooses Hannibal over Abigail, for whom he wanted justice; over his and Margot’s child, for whom he wanted revenge; over Jack and Alana, who were his only semblance of friends; over his own confusion and desire to be normal. For someone as emotionally stunted as Will, it’s huge. It proves that he loves Hannibal and is willing to compromise all other relationships he has formed as well his own beliefs for him (while Will is dark, he tries to fight it because he doesn’t think people like them are normal). Is it romantic? Will’s dream with the word “beloved” and his sex fantasy, as well as his acceptance of the idea that he and Hannibal were Abigail’s fathers (which makes them partners) imply that yes, romantic feeling is a part of it.

Hannibal’s romantic feelings became explicit in S3, and so did Will’s. But since Hannibal is more open and self-accepting, his were discussed out loud while Will’s were mostly portrayed silently, implied, and alluded to.

Will builds a boat to sail and find Hannibal, which is pretty romantic by itself. He spends his time in Hannibal’s house, in the kitchen where their bloody break-up happened, imagining Abigail near him. When Alana comes to find him, he asks her to leave. He’s cold and indifferent toward her — she’s not what he wants, and he’s not interested in even friendship with her. All he wants is to mourn his lost family with Hannibal and Abigail. Again, Hannibal is Will’s priority.

Will imagines his perfect world as the one where he and Hannibal killed Jack together. This scene is intercut with his Mizumono memories, namely, with Hannibal's face that emerges every time he moves yet another part of the engine. This is a vivid demonstration of Will trying to repair what is now broken. When Jack asks him why he called him, Will is indifferent and genuine:

*Will: I wasn't decided when I called him. I just called him. I deliberated while the phone rang. I decided when I heard his voice … I told him to leave. I wanted him to run … Because he was my friend. And because I wanted to run away with him.*

That’s a big admission for Will. This is the first time he openly acknowledges Hannibal as his friend in front of another person. Chilton calls Will and Hannibal’s interactions a “flirtation” in this episode, which once again points us in the romantic direction.

The entire E2 of S3 is dedicated to Will’s love for Hannibal, where he argues about it with himself in the form of imaginary Abigail. This is another proof of Will’s problem with emotions in general and emotions for Hannibal in particular. He can’t just think to himself as normal people do — no, he can’t admit how much he loves Hannibal this. Instead, he imagines Abigail and talks to himself through her to make it easier. He berates himself for lying.

*Will/Abigail: We were all supposed to leave together. He made a place for us. Why did you lie to him? He gave you a chance to take it all back, and you just kept lying.*

Will is reverent about Hannibal; he keeps talking about him over and over again.

*Will: This isn't Hannibal, it's just where he begins. Beyond this, far and complex, light and dark, is the vast structure of his mind. A thousand rooms, miles of corridors. Everything he remembers, wonderfully and fearfully reconstructed.*

Will goes as far as lies at the place where Hannibal’s Valentine heart for him was, reconstructing this image and trying to feel close to him. The heart comes to life the moment Will touches it, which is romantic. Will says:

*Will: A valentine written on a broken man … I do feel closer to Hannibal here. God only knows where I would be without him … He left us his broken heart … He misses us.*

He looks on the verge of tears, so Hannibal’s gift touched him. Will is overcome by emotions. At this very moment, his more frightened side suggests that Hannibal is also playing with him.

*Will: Hannibal follows several trains of thought at once without distraction from any, and one of the trains is always for his own amusement.*

We know it’s not the case, especially here, but Will has trust issues and a low self-esteem. He’s worried that Hannibal’s feelings for him aren’t as strong as he thinks they are, which is why he’s not sure how to react himself. He asks himself, *“You still want to go with him?”* and replies, *“Yes.” He wonders about what life they’d have if they left.

*Will: What if no one died? What if we all left together? Like we were supposed to. After he served the lamb. Where would we have gone? … In some other world.*

Pazzi comes and tells Will that he hopes they’ll catch Hannibal together.

*Will: What makes you think I want to catch him?*

Later, Pazzi says:

*Pazzi: He let you know him. He sent you his heart.*

E2 ends with Will scaring Pazzi and telling him, *“You don’t know whose side I’m on.* Then he tells Hannibal he forgives him, which is also a huge step in his direction.

This entire episode proves that yes, Will loves Hannibal. Considering how he isn’t awkward from receiving a Valentine or hearing that Hannibal gave him his heart, Will shares the romantic aspect of Hannibal’s feelings for him. He regrets not running away with him and their daughter, he places himself on the floor where the heart was to feel closer to him — this is such a rich romantic subtext that it’s practically text. Especially for Will, who remains so conflicted and emotionally restrained all the time.

Will’s attitude changes after seeing Chiyoh. He becomes more bitter. Considering how dark he is in these scenes and how he constantly compares himself and Chiyoh, he likely sees her as someone Hannibal was supposed to love but easily abandoned. It makes Will draw the parallels between them, and he starts to doubt that Hannibal loves him, that his “broken heart” has any authentic meaning. That’s where he starts thinking about killing Hannibal again. He still says:

*Will: I’ve never known myself as well as I know myself when I’m with him.*

This line also speaks volumes. Hannibal gave Will a precious gift of understanding himself; he showed that he could accept him, and Will is drawn to it. Will admits the depth of their connection to yet another person. Then he makes a firefly from Chiyoh’s prisoner, a tribute that is clearly done with Hannibal in his mind, considering the style and the central topic.

Chiyoh sees right through Will’s emotional constipation. She implies that he should “kiss” Hannibal rather than keep being “violent”:

*Chiyoh: I told you, there are means of influence other than violence.*

She kisses Will then, thus showing him what others means exist. He doesn’t get it, though, since he responds to her kiss despite not feeling anything for her, and she pushes him off the train, likely admitting he’s a hopeless case.

Meeting Jack, Will tells him that a part of him will always want to leave with Hannibal. This is yet another declaration from him. Will isn’t scared of the consequences — he speaks of his feelings openly now. It’s a great development of his character.

But the feeling of doubt about Hannibal likely resurfaces further after Will sees that Hannibal replaced him and Abigail with Bedelia in E6 (hence his hatred for her since that moment). He mocks her alibi and then leaves to reunite with Hannibal. The following moment was deleted, but it still discloses some of Will’s romantic feelings:

*Will: I looked up at the night sky there. Orion above the horizon and, near it, Jupiter. I wondered if you could see it, too. I wondered if our stars were the same.*

From the words that did get into the episode:

*Will: You and I have begun to blur ... We're conjoined. Curious if either of us can survive separation.*

Will doesn’t just admit the bond between them, he elevates it the level of soulmates, implying they are one and the same. It’s also a declaration of love in his language. But love doesn’t stop Will from being vindictive, hurt, and angry, so after meetings with Chiyoh and Bedelia that affected his perception, he pulls out a knife as he and Hannibal are walking together.

There is a brain-sawing disaster after this and E7, where Will looks done and tired from the madness and his constant attempts to figure Hannibal out. He does bite Cordell before looking at Hannibal, seeking his approval; he uses “we” pronouns when speaking about Hannibal with Alana. One example:

*Will: You helped Mason Verger find us.*

So, he still sees himself and Hannibal as a team, but he’s still tired and bitter, so after everything is over, he hurts Hannibal by saying he doesn’t share his appetite and by attacking him emotionally.

*Will: I miss my dogs. I'm not going to miss you. I'm not going to find you. I'm not going to look for you. I don't want to know where you are or what you do. I don't want to think about you anymore.*

This is all personal and emotional. It sounds like a break-up, which is exactly how Bryan Fuller and others referred to it. When Hannibal leaves and Jacks arrives, Will puts on his glasses, an indication that he’s hiding again.

Fast-forward 3 years. Will is married now, but from the very start, we see that this marriage isn’t all people usually expect it to be. The first scene shows the family apart. Molly and Walter have gone fishing, which is something Will loves. He had dreams about teaching Abigail how to fish, but he doesn’t go to do that with his family, preferring to stay alone instead. It’s the first hint that his heart isn’t in this relationship, that he’s too hung up on the past to move forward and make new happy memories.

Jack came to drag him to Dragon’s case, and Will makes it look like he’s reluctant. At the same time, he doesn’t send Jack away, even though we know from the past that he has no qualms being frank when he wants to. More than that, he asks him not to show pics to Molly, but when they have dinner, Will deliberately leaves the house with Walter, leaving Jack and Molly together. At night, when Molly’s asleep, he crawls out of bed and goes to read Hannibal’s letter. He doesn’t tell the truth to Molly about himself and his dark urges, about everything he has done – Molly clearly has no idea who he truly is, considering how she jokes about his ‘criminal mind’ in later episodes and how Will immediately closes himself off from her. He never initiates physical touches with her; he doesn’t return her “I love you”, which is an even bigger indication of his lack of commitment. Will is emotionally stiff with Molly for the most part, and the only times he laughs with her or shows any emotion is when they are talking about superficial stuff in the former case and when he’s furious after Francis’ attack in the latter one. Other than that, there is no closeness or honesty.

Another point of Will’s inability to express or even give his love to someone is in his scene with Walter in E11. This child, his step-son, has just been attacked by a serial killer with his mother. His mother was hurt and they barely escaped. Will doesn’t hug him or offer him paternal emotional comfort; he’s very awkward. All he says is, “You're both safe here,” which is something an officer might say but not a father. Will was much more emotional in his fantasies about Abigail.

This is what Will says about Walter’s reaction to Jack:

*Will: He read about me in a Freddie Lounds article. I had to justify myself to an eleven year old.*

He’s resentful and not emotional. He doesn’t say, “I had to justify myself to my son!” – he distances himself from him. Will is cold. He has expressed his feelings for Hannibal at this point in rather poetic ways, but he can’t be bothered to do this for his wife and his son.

He treats Hannibal in a very reserved fashion too, in comparison to how he acted 3 years ago. However: first, there is the fact that he came to visit him in the first place. Will didn’t need his help, we saw very clearly how he managed to easily reconstruct the crime scene the night before. It proved that his mindset is in a good shape, so he didn’t need Hannibal’s assistance. But it’s Hannibal he requested to see right away.

Will distances himself from him by calling him “Doctor Lecter” and insisting that he’s more comfortable the less personal they are. His eyes glisten, though, and he can’t look away from Hannibal. The impersonal approach doesn’t last very long, too, and soon, they are talking like they always did. Hannibal accuses Will of marrying for false reasons.

*Hannibal: How did you choose yours? Readymade wife and child to serve your needs. A stepson or daughter. A stepson absolves you of any biological blame. You know better than to breed. Can't pass on those terrible traits you fear the most.*

Will doesn’t bother to deny it, though any man would have been offended, particularly if he truly loved his family. In Will’s case, from the experience and all the precedents, silence = agreement.

In E10, Will seeks Bedelia out. He acts catty and jealous, targeting her personal connection with Hannibal.

*Will: You didn't lose yourself, Bedelia, you just crawled so far up his ass you couldn't be bothered.* - personal, targeted against Bedelia's attachment to Hannibal.

*Will: You hitched your star to a man commonly known as a monster. You're the Bride of Frankenstein.* - personal, attack with romantic connotation. Bedelia catches up on it and mocks him:

*Bedelia: We've both been his bride. Have you been to see him?*

*Will: Yes.*

*Bedelia: Haven't learned anything, have you? Or did you just miss him that much?*

*Will: Have you been to see him?* - personal again. Will wants to know if Bedelia is keeping contact with Hannibal.

*Bedelia: I've seen enough of him. I was with him behind the veil. You were always on the other side.*

*Will: Something we should talk about.* - again, personal. It's all personal, which is why Bryan and Hugh called them Hannibal's jealous bitchy exes. Will is palpably jealous and he shows his resentment to Bedelia openly.

Later, we have some more romantic references.

*Bedelia: My relationship with Hannibal is not as passionate as yours. You are here visiting old flame. Is your wife aware of how intimately you and Hannibal know each other? … Your experience of Hannibal’s attention is so profoundly harmful yet so irresistible, it undermines your ability to think rationally.*

So, there is romantic text, parallels between Hannibal and Will’s wife, and Will doesn’t deny any of this again. He keeps coming to Bedelia because she’s the only person he can talk about Hannibal to without being watched.

After Hannibal sends Francis after Molly and Walter, Will spends about a minute being angry with him. Then he accuses Hannibal of staging a competition between him and Francis. It is startling: Will spent months, years mourning the loss of Abigail who he didn’t even really know personally, yet he forgets the gravity of what happened to his wife and won very quickly. He leaves Molly and Walter and tells Bedelia that they are finished. One traumatic event, and Will left. It coincides with something very important that happened here: after this, Will finally figures out Hannibal is truly in love with him. So he goes to Bedelia to discuss it with her.

*Will: Is Hannibal in love with me?*

*Bedelia: Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for you, and find nourishment at the very sight of you? Yes. But do you ache for him?*

Will is predictably silent. Obviously, if the answer was no, he would have said no. But he struggles because like we established, he has issues with expressing emotions. He only managed to start referring to Hannibal as his friend openly in this season, opening up about some of his feelings, but he’s not ready to go this far. It would be absolutely out of character for Will to say, “Yes, you know, I’m in love with him! Thanks for helping me see it.” Every confession Will makes is preceded by struggles and heartbreak. But he’s going to reply to Bedelia’s question, only not explicitly-verbally.

Will sets up Chilton and then comes to allegedly say good-bye to Hannibal. He lies several times in their conversation (about Chilton and Molly with Walter), so all his words are automatically suspicious. Regardless, he destroys Hannibal emotionally and walks away. Personally, I believe he was already planning to break him out, so he was playing it up for cameras and also taking a chance to hurt Hannibal for everything again. But whatever his plan was, what happens next is that Will conspires with Francis against Jack, Alana, and the FBI. They agree to break Hannibal out together. Will lies to Jack and then gets to ask Hannibal for help. He’s being flirty and manipulative in this scene.

*Will: I need you, Hannibal … You're our best shot, Hannibal. Please.*

He’s smirking, he leans close to Hannibal, he sends him a flirty look from under his eyelashes. Will is thoroughly enjoying himself, and he does it best when he has some excuse to hide behind.

Later, he lies to Jack and Alana again, leaks info to Francis (who nearly killed his wife and son), and gets many officers killed by proxy. He tells Bedelia the truth that he doesn’t “intend Hannibal to be caught a second time.” He also implies that he’s going to let him go free, which is why Bedelia should pack her bags.

*Bedelia: Can't live with him. Can't live without him. Is that what this is?*

This time, Will agrees, although in his way.

*Will: I guess this is my Becoming.*

For Will, Becoming was always connected to his feelings for Hannibal because accepting himself and his darkness meant being free to escape with Hannibal.

*Bedelia: You found religion. Nothing more dangerous than that.*

In E3, it was stated that love is a God (you can find more here https://www.reddit.com/r/HannibalTV/comments/7w54dg/lovegodreligion_s3_parallels/), so it’s possible to say that religion = love in this context. It certainly makes sense. Will is accepting himself and his emotions, and the trigger was establishing for sure that Hannibal is in love with him.

Will and Hannibal drive to the cliff house. When Hannibal asks Will if he intends to save himself by killing them both (Hannibal and Francis), Will replies:

*Will: I don't know if I can save myself. And maybe that's just fine.*

This is the first time he confesses that he might be incapable of killing Hannibal. Predictably, when Francis comes, Will can’t handle seeing Hannibal killed, so he reaches for his gun.

Will and Hannibal work as a unit and protect each other. Hannibal is shot, nearly strangled, thrown onto the ground, and he is still weakly holding on Francis' leg to prevent him from going after Will, even though it leaves him in an open and vulnerable position — Francis does kick him in the face with his other leg. There is fierce determination on Will's face as he stands up despite the pain and runs to save Hannibal. They act in synch, consummating their relationship.

Then, Will admires how blood looks on his hand and repeats Hannibal’s words:

*Will: It really does look black in the moonlight.*

He remembers the words Hannibal said to him weeks ago in one of their endless interactions. A bit earlier, he perfectly recalled the words Hannibal told him *years* ago, back in the middle of S2.

*Will: I understand that “blood and breath are only elements undergoing change to fuel your Radiance." Hannibal said those words. To me.*

So, Will remembers everything Hannibal told him. He stores these memories. It’s a small but still important proof how important Hannibal is for him.

At the cliff, Will finally accepts the truth.

*Hannibal: See. This is all I ever wanted for you, Will. For both of us.*

We know what Hannibal wanted: a Murder Husband. What does Will say to this?

*Will: It’s beautiful.*

This is a loud “yes” to Bedelia’s question about his feelings. Will acknowledges, accepts, and admires them. He doesn’t feel awkward, as he would if he knew Hannibal is in love with him but didn’t feel the same. No, he reaches forward to embrace him, and such physical contact from Will is mind-blowing because he almost never does it. He clings to Hannibal, puts his head on his shoulder, touches him as if he wants to melt with him. Then he gives the fate a chance to stop both of them or to set them free. They fall into the ocean under the Love Crime song, another romantic element.

Water symbolizes reborn, and post-credits scene indicates that Will and Hannibal have paid a visit to Bedelia and are in the process of eating her while she’s hiding the fork to stab one of them as he approaches. The deleted epilogue to the series shows that they are in perfect harmony now.

**Conclusion**: Will has passed through a long, painful journey. He went from hiding from emotions and deflecting to not denying and carefully acknowledging them. We don’t hear words “love” or “in love” from him in relation to Hannibal because Will is not that kind of person. He doesn’t use these words freely, and for him, every small emotional step is a struggle. He tried to deceive himself and other numerous times; he tied to deny the truth and manipulate his own mind, but with each season, his feelings for Hannibal became more and more explicit. Will reaching out for physical contact, Will saying “It’s beautiful” are his way of saying, “I ached for you. I love you.”

This is a story of mutual love and obsession, about soulmates, about unique type of connection that few people share. It’s not about Hannibal falling in love and Will not feeling the same. Their feelings are equally strong, but they express them differently, particularly as Will’s are tied to the acceptance of his own darkness.

#will graham #hannibal lecter #hannigram #nbc hannibal #murder husbands

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gemtail · 3 years

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RWBY Character Statuses V8:E6

Team RWBY

Ruby: Oh my god, the news!

Weiss: Oh crap! Atlas is screwed!... why weren’t those big airships useful?!

Blake: *panicked cat noises while watching the news*

Yang: This just in! The river of styx heading for Mantle! And it’s got GRIMM!! Fuck off, Ace Ops! We don’t have Penny!

JNOR

Jaune: Harriet, are you fucking kidding me?! THERE IS A GIANT GRIMM RIVER NEXT TO US!!

Nora: Zzz...

Ren: Too busy to brood over being a huntsman.

Oscar: Hmm... I’m gonna get abused for the duration of my stay but... why not stay and try to get some redemption arcs going?

Ozpin: Great minds do think alike! Yes, let’s trick our enemies into being good guys again!

Qrow and Robyn: Plotting ironwood’s downfall

Ironwood’s angels... I mean, Ace Ops!

Harriet: WHERE’S PENNY?! YOU KIDS ARE SELFISH EVEN THOUGH WE WERE ABOUT TO JUST TAKE THE MAIDEN AND RELICS AND PEACE THE HELL OUT LEAVING OVER HALF OF MANTLE TO DIE WHILE YOU KIDS WANTED TO SAVE EVERYONE *takes breath* AAAAAND IT’S NOT LIKE WE JUST STOOD BY AND WATCHED PENNY GET BEAT UP WHILE GETTING AMITY IN THE AIR INSTEAD OF DO ANYTHING TO HELP!!! AND I’M TOTALLY NOT GOING TO REGRET NEGLECTING TO CHECK WATTS’ HANDS AND POCKETS LATER!!

Marrow: Ma’am, incoming transmission... oh shit, it’s our old friends.

Vine: Seems to be the only chill guy out of the group.

Elm: I’M ANGRY BECAUSE MY COWORKER IS A FREAKING ROBOT! NOW I THINK SHE’S JUNK! THAT GOES TO SHOW WHAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT OF HER! THE FACT THAT ONLY WINTER WAS BOTHERED BY MY OPINION SHOWS WHAT WE ALL THOUGHT OF HER!

Winter: I’m sad I’m about to force my friend into doing something she doesn’t want to do and that we let a creepy old man get into her head and may have killed her. I’m also angry at my coworkers for objectifying her... but I won’t say that out loud because I still love the taste of Irondaddy’s boots.

Ironwood: *waiting for the ace ops to come back and deepthroat his boots*

Schnee family

Jacques: Don’t care. He can stay in jail. He can be eaten by grimm for all we care.

Willow: Don’t know but it’s probably like this: ONE SHOT! TWO SHOT! THREE SHOT! FOUR! TAKE THE BOTTLE TO THE HEAD AND HAVE-

Whitley: Really regretting not taking some fighting lessons like his sisters did at the moment. Protect the precious bean!

All of them after the Griiver of Styx supersoaked Atlas: OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT!

Penny: Windows update 15% complete.

Villains

Hazel: I was going easy on ya, kiddo. It was still child abuse but the moment Ozpin comes- OZPIN! BITCH! I’MMA STAB YOU WITH THIS FLOOR TOOTH I FOUND! AND FORGET THAT THE KID I’M ‘MERCIFUL’ TO ISN’T GOING TO FEEL IT AT ALL LATER. I FIGHT WITH SALEM BECAUSE I THINK SHE CAN’T BE STOPPED AND OZPIN IS TRYING TO STOP HER!

Cinder: I’m an awful person. It would be a shame if my backstory suddenly came about and made everyone feel sorry for me... I’m totally not planning Salem’s demise secretly like I did for my stepmother... and I wish Emerald would just STOP being a useless lesbian!

Salem’s lapdog Tyrian: Hey, girl! Watts just gave me a call! He says hi! Also he hacked the maiden so Cinder can download her powers!

Watts: FINALLY! I CAN GIVE MY BOSS A CALL! I need to tell her I just brainwashed an innocent girl by using the power of technology.

Mercury: Screw you, Cinder! I’m one of the cool kids now! See ya later, nerds! I totally didn’t just screw myself out of being under your protection and can now receive full punishment from Salem if I screw up! I work alone because I’m cool!... Emerald, stop being a simp!.. I'm not gonna miss you! ...probably... maybe.

Emerald: How can I make Cinder love me? ...To simp harder or not to simp so hard? That is the question. Also, screw you, Mercury! I simp over whoever I want!

Neo: I hate my job.

Salem: Ah shit. Better abuse Cinder and then promise to lift her up again by letting her have the maiden powers so she stops her vendetta against me for now. Gotta act like I love her so she works for me at the moment... I don’t actually care if she gets the maiden powers, I just want the relics so I can flip the gods off again.

#rwby #funny #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8 #ace ops #team rwby #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #character status

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nonchalanttoh · 4 years

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Spop reactions s5 e6, execpt it's taking longer and longer to finish each episode because I have to keep pausing while I die inside.

• Hey wait sec! What happened to our new friends in ep 5????

HEY WAIT A SEC!! WHERE'S DT?? DON'T TELL ME THEY JUST UP AND LEFT AFTER 1 SEASON??? NO WAY!! DT is wayyy to amazing of a character to just throw away.

• Ok waiaiaiaiwait, This hurts. Entrapta is dragging along this clone who has no idea who she is thinking he's just like Hordak??? The angst that's possible if the Hordak who actually recognizes Entrapta's trail reaches her and find our he's been replaced for a "better" and "functional" version. AHHHHHH

• You can do this Bow!

• WE MUST BE STRONG******

• Goodness the ptsd these kids are gonna have

• Sassafras is back :) and her friends: "You," "Sparkles," "Arrow Boy," and Entrapta.

• What just happened??? I look away for 5 seconds to type and Catra turned jnto a bitch again like hun you are making it really difficult for me to try and root for you to get better WORK WITH ME PLEASE I DONT WANT TO HATE YOU

• Spinerella!! And Netossa!!! Are Frosta's!!! Moms!!!

• They kissed!! On screen!! So gently!! My heart!! Is going to burst!!

• I have an awful feeling that something is going to ~happen~

• Micah: How do you do fellow kids?

• Yes!! Glimmer!! They did it!! Catra isn't going to instantly become a good person!!

• I need to have more faith in Noelle. My trust has been shattered by voltron ffs.

• What does Wrong Hordak's Apron say. Give me 10 minutes and I will translate.

• First word: empty triangle is an S sound, filled in diamond is an M sound. Then it seems like the word ends but theres a random upside down triangle floating in the middle not attached. The only word it could connect to is the first one. That triangle is an SH sound. So : SMSH?? Maybe missing something? Is it supposed to be smash? Or smush? Oh wait maybe those two little circles are the long vowel sound for E (like eh) then it would be closer to "Smash" Moving on.

• Second Word: fancy triangle makes the TH sound and the empty circle is the short vowel sound for E (like ee). Sounds like "Thee" {i dont like where this is going and im 80% sure the last word is chef without translation}

• Third Word: it's literally Chef I'm gonna show myself out

• PLEASE TELL ME I MADE A MISTAKE THAT APRON CAN NOT SAY "SMASH THE CHEF" I'M DONE

• Bow needs a vacation and so do I

• Ohhhh yikes. Yall should be better than that. Do not eat the food.

• Everything about this sucks.

• Catra: GET OUT

• Also Catra, not even 10 seconds later: Please stay.

• Like ajsualqlwnfnfkskajaka I can't handle you.

• Adora blushin like 😳

• LEAVE SWIFT WIND ALONE HE'S GOING THROUGH IT

• NETOSSAAAAAAAA

• Hi, um, I'm a little offended on everyone's behalf that Micah really said that Frosta is the strongest one there like he is a master sorcerer who studied under the best mage in mystacor

• Heh thats gay

• THE MAGICAL GIRL TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE OF MY DREAMSSSSSS

• GOD SHE IS STUNNINGGGGG

• she ra? she pretty. 🥰

• SWIFT WIND GOT A POWER BOOST TOO

• She Ra is so Powerful she doesnt need oxygen or gravity or an atmosphere to prevent her body from imploding

• Her magic is so pretty.

• There's four minutes left!! And its buffering to all hell!!

• More! Baby steps!! For forgiving Catra!!!

• Unlikely friends 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

• I was just about to type Spinerella and Netossa own my whole heart but NO NO NO NOP NOPITY NOPE NOPE NO THAT IS NOT MY SPINERELLA WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOOONE

#she ra #spop spoilers #spop #she ra s5 #she ra season 5 #she ra and the princesses of power

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ambiengrey · 4 years

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It's the third week of being back at work, and I hate it and feel like a terrible human being. I also feel like I Wasted my time during lockdown, even though I know I sometimes didn't. Like, I did some things. I got things done. I'm happy about that. Work is making me so tired, but I did kind of know it would which is Why I didn't watch TUA during lockdown, so I could watch it now while I feel so useless and like the day is already over.

.::a warning for spoilers::.

S2 E6

Run Allison :O

Hehe.

Aw.

It suddenly occurred to me out of basically nowhere, that I am a dumb. So, Lilah legit tells Diego her mom taught her to fight. And I was like :o I dig it, tell me more. Then literally like two episodes later she's sharing her tragic backstory about how she found her parents dead at age 4 and it went Right over my head, if that's true then how could her mom have taught her to fight? And I should have realized. I'm dumb. I mean, neither of those things were false, and she said them both sincerely enough, but, just presented as such without explanation those two things contradict each other. I was clearly not paying attention. I suppose Diego wasn't either, cause he didn't notice it either. XD

Of course she does XD Is the fish going to be there? Because I miss him.

"My Pursuers." I love that.

D'aww. Team Zero for the win. Lol. XD

TMI Ben :P

Oh no, that's not what he meant. XD the nodding, lol. This cult is really just doing its own thing X'D

This little montage, such fun :D

Ooooooooh snap. Oh :o

I guess the consequences of Allison's powers are that they're kind of addictive? and it's easy to lose herself in using them. I'm interested to know how Mr H...managed? her, as a child. How did they discover her powers? Did she have a wild rebellious phase where she just got everything she wanted with no one the wiser XD

I wanna play bingo.

These two are gonna have a real falling out. Or. Falling through. X'D

Are we gonna have a legit posession at some point? :D

Also, Ben feeling offended about sounding like Dad...like, I gotta know what happened to Ben my guys.

(before posting this I browsed tumblr -_-' and I got a little spoiled about Ben, but seemingly nothing I haven't already been suspecting though, so I guess it's not too bad)

We're all invited!

Oh, Dave D':

The Handler is being a busy busy bee. Setting everyone up just the way she likes. Let's hope Five doesn't decide to change his socks. :/ :P

Five's little smile.

Daddy's girl? Interesting, after I was just wondering what she and Mr H were like in her youth.

Dat no-nonsense entrance.

Mr H even brought a notebook XD

And Yet. XD

Oof.

Mr H looked So amused when Allison made Diego do that.

Oops XP

Mr H is a time. O.O A very self-assured time though. I. Like, don't hate him? Like, not at This time. Not, for who he is right now. I feel I ought to dislike him, for who he was or will be and what he did with them as kids, but, right now. He's just very interesting, and I can't dislike him because he makes sense.

Ben yass!

Yeah, Five is the only one that makes sense to you Mr H. Aw Diego, I'm sorry.

A smidge XD

Ah, they all got it.

That makes so much sense, starting with seconds.

How interesting, he's pretty accepting of the world ending apparently, but in another time he trains literal kids to prevent that from happening? Time travel will make your head hurt. I'm not sure how time travel works in this universe, but we have seen things Happen, and then be Changed afterward because Five traveled back to before they happened and so things happen differently the second time around. So, to just answer a thought I've been having by myself over here XD I don't think Their Mr H who is dead in 2019 had This meeting with them in his timeline. Only after we travel back to 2019 will he have had this meeting, because he couldn't have had it before it happened and it only just happened Now. So he adopted them and prepared them for the first apocalypse not because they told him he does, in this time here, but rather, for some other reason. At least, originally. Since they've now told him all the things, This might Become the reason he adopts them in This Version of the timeline.

The way Five says, they have to "get out of" the timeline, makes me think there's a million possible timelines, which is probs accurate.

Out of interest I'd like to mention, that poor Five is such an innocent bean concerning these apocalypses, because he hasn't been a part of what actually starts it either time XD he only arrives for the end or the aftermath. His fam is a time. XD

Aw, Five and Mr H are a nice pair. I feel like Five thinking he gave Mr H a hard time as a child is interesting, because on the one hand, that's something adults sometimes say sincerely to their parents, and it's fair of them to say that. But all of his siblings of course, would never say that, and probably still wouldn't no matter how old they get. But, Five's teenage years and entire adulthood, he spent without Mr H, so Mr H wasn't there to mess him up the way he had the others'.

If Five hadn't traveled into the future, would he hate Mr H as much as his siblings do?

That's not ominous.

That feeling when you inherited dental equipment from your father (right? I forget) and are then being tortured by two-thirds of the Swedes with it. :|

Some other place. Some literal other time.

CAAAAARL. like the llama.

Surprise! It's not a good surprise.

These green colours are a mood.

We've got some traveling to do.

I guess we'll see if events in this point in time, like the apocalypse, actually change the future of the current timeline? Or, when Five goes forward to the board meeting, will they be in a second timeline? Will they be unaffected by the apparent apocalypse, and be in a timeline prior to when Five's fam arrived in the 60's because the fam is in the process of basically resculpting that little section of time, technically for the second time because Five has now joined them so these ten days prior to the apocalypse are kind of not "set" yet? So whatever consequence they have is yet to be determined. And, if the Handler is to be believed, 2019 still exists as it was before they traveled and before their first apocalypse, because she claims to be able to take them back there. Which also suggests to me, that whatever causes the apocalypse, is their fault sure but it also hasn't happened yet. Like, I guess JFK's assassination has got to be the point of no return right? Whatever happens there has to be the thing that sets the apocalypse in motion officially. I haven't actually been trying to figure out what causes it, because I don't feel smart enough to pick up on any potential clues that might allow me to piece it together XD so I've just been going with the flow.

I feel like I could explain what I think time travel and the timeline works like, better, in a picture. :/

#The Umbrella Academy #TUA spoilers #TUA Season 2 #TUA S2 spoilers #The Umbrella Academy spoilers

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odissey061 · 4 years

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Motonari's route

Chapter(s) posted:

1. This freak won't have me

2. Kick him in the teeth

Please, teach me a better way to create link because I can't do it by myself

Chapter 3: This trick never worked at human's memory

Tag: @towa-no-yume @r-f-a-journalists

When I open my eyes the first thing I feel is an acute headache: the hands run through the hair until I discover a bump. I press it to see if I feel the pain and then I whimper like a baby: it hurts a lot. Why I'm so stupid? I take a look around me and I notice I'm in a cold and empty cell. The room is surrounded by three wooden walls and before me there's an iron grille. Here and there on the floor against the wall there are spooky chains that make me chill and smile nervously. At this moment I heard the rolling waves and I understand I'm on a ship.

Where I am? How many time has passed since my kidnap? I must return to the Oda right now! A lot of hours passed since I left Azuchi castle: I told to Hideyoshi I'd come back after lunch, so probably they have already noticed my absence.

I try open the door but, obviously, is locked and I look around to find something to force the look, but the room is empty, except the chain on the wall. Then I took a clip from my hair and, holding it tight in the hand, I pray:"At human memory this trick never worked, but, please, if there's even the littlest chance, make it happens". Great, now I pray to objects like they were gods!

I plug the clasp in the door lock but, as I expected, it doesn't work. Pushed by despair, I retry again and again, but after a large number of failed attempts and swears, finally I give up and I lean my back on the wall. A man appears in front of me: he's very tall and his body is made by tons of muscles, his eyes shining with malice. With a look I understand this man is a brute and he doesn't hesitate to use violence and if I had to fight against him, I'd probably die. "Who are you and why I'm here?" I demand, but he laughs dryly:"I'm the one who makes the questions here, little girl" and he opens the door. As he spoke, I recognize him as the man who kidnapped me. He enters in the cell and leaves open the door. I try to gain more time:"I understand why you kidnapped me: I'm very close to the Oda commanders and your boss wants information about them", Well, at least you are not stupid, that makes easier my work. So little girl, talk about your friends" he comments. "The problem is exactly about this: you see, I'm only their maid and I don't know anything about their future moves, so keep me here is useless" I lie and I walk towards the door. But the man grabs my hair, making me moan for the pain and yells at me:"You think I'm so stupid to believe you? I'm not a fool! In Azuchi people say Nobunaga brought you to battle on his horse His voice becomes lower, still being threatening:"If you don't tell me spontaneously all you know about them, I'll make you confess with the bad manners". And when he shows a bag full of torture instruments and I'm terrified. I don't know very much about torture, but I can imagine how much they'd hurt my body. I want to scream for help, but I know nobody will save me. My face gets paler. I know already how this will finish: this man will torture me until I speak, but I don't know anything, so he'll kill me for nothing. I'll die for anything!!

"I'm not his lover: I'm his maid and I have been staying in Azuchi for a few days. I don't know anything about them and if I knew something, I surely won't talk to you" I repeat using a quiet voice to not make him angrier. "Bad answer" he smiles sadistically, almost happy about my resistance and slaps me so violently to turn my head. "Try again, little girl, but the next time I won't so merciful".

"And if I don't confess what are you going to?" I bravely provoke him. The Oda forces helped me a lot and I won't betray them for my own safety. "I'll break all of your bones and if you won't talk, then I'll cut the tendons of your hands and your feet. If you still won't confess I'll remove your eyes, then I'll tear your ears and finally I'll cut your tongue" his threats scare me a lot, but I won't give up my loyalty. He takes from the bag a strange object and he places it near to my nails.

No no no no. Please, somebody help me!

I close the eyes too scared to watch, but at that moment I hear a new voice:"Yoshitoko, what are you doing here? I'm sure the captain hasn't told you to torture this girl since he is out to collect information with a few men. So I wonder: whose order are you following?". I open my eyes and I see a young man who's throwing diggers with the glare at the man in front of me. The newcomer is younger than this man, but somehow the eldest has to obey him. "The captain is still a child, quartermaster: if all of us wait for his command, we'd have alredy died. He doesn't know what to do and he's not able to keep the promise he made" he growls, "He's the captain, not you: he knows what's the best for us better than you. You are only able to hurt people and torture them, for this reason you won't be a captain. Now leave, Yoshitoko" The man speaks with a rough voice and I can feel the subtle threat he silently implies. I except a Yoshitoko's reaction, but he obeys whispering something.

Left alone, the young man is more relaxed walks towards me and I step back, so he reassures me:"I don't want to hurt you. I want to check your wound". I let him check my arm. I groan for the pain when he tries to move it. He looks more friendly than his colleague, so I try to ask:"Can you tell me who are you and how many days passed since my kidnap? Will you torture me again to seek information I don't have?". He sighs: "The arm is broken, now I call a doctor so he can help you better. Now you are on a pirate ship and you were kidnapped by Yoshitoko yesterday, following captain's order. Now the captain is away, but in a short time he'll be back and will decide what to do about you". "Earlier I said the truth: I don't know anything about Nobunaga's future plans. Keep me here he's useless" I whisper, "Even if you don't know anything you'll probably stay here as a political hostage to be used against your friends" the man explains my situation. The sadness overwhelms me to the thought I'll be used against my friends: I can't do this to them. "But as I told you is the captain to decide, so he could even release you" he tries to reassure me, but I have no illusions: if I were in his position I'll do the same. I even realize probably I won't be able to go back to my time. No way this will happen! The man says they wait for their captain, so it means the ship is still in the port: that makes my escape more easily. The man is inside the cell and the grill is open: all I have to do is run and don't be caught. But the pirate in front of me is still vigil even if he's more relaxed, surely is ready to catch me and even I'd beat him he'll give the alarm. No, escape at this moment is too risky but if I don't do it right now later would be impossible.

The only thing I can do is talk with the captain: I'm even ready to beg for my release, it's necessary. "The captain will be here in a few hours, so be more patient" he ends the conversation. "What kind of man is your captain?" I wonder, "The captain? Is an edgy man. He treats with respect his subordinates, but he doesn't trust anyone except me on this ship. Is the type of person who can be your friend but he stabs you in the back some minutes after" he responds. So he's a bastard and the possibilities he'd let me go are very low.

* * *

It's almost evening and Hideyoshi is worried: y/n told him this morning she'd have gone in the city until lunchtime, but she didn't come back. He asked around but nobody was able to tell him where y/n was. He alerted Nobunaga who decided to hold a war council to find her. Hideyoshi expresses all of his worry and Mitsunari takes word with a stern look on his face:"I'm quite worried as well, Lord Hideyoshi. We should look after her".

"Maybe she escaped after she went to war, after all, was her first time on a battlefield. I won't be surprised" Mitsuhide suggests with his cunning tone, but a more careful eye can see a glimpse of worry. In the past days, he went to some places with a very horrible reputation and in a red light district and he noticed a lot of Portuguese men who acted too much secretive for being simply merchant. They were really cautious: they gazed around before speaking with someone and once Mitsuhide risked revealing his true identity. Just today he succeeded to talk with a man after days of failures, but what he discovered was suspicious arms traffic. He didn't discover anything about y/n's missing. And the possibilities she's been kidnapped are not low. "My lucky charm is not a coward, Mitsuhide: she proved it during the war"

Nobunaga scolds him, "Then I suppose we should look after her" snorts Ieyasu. "As if you hadn't done it before, before" teases Mitsuhide: Ieyasu's contrarian reactions are always a delight for him.

"Lord Ieyasu is always so kind" Mitsunari praises him. Ieyasu scolds him:"I told you I wasn't searchi-", "Enough! Each of you will send your own scouts in the city to collect information" Nobunaga stops the discussion. Once the council ends, all the warlord obey to Nobunaga orders, sending men in the city and its surroundings with the order to search for y/n and arrest everyone look suspicious. But as time passes, nobody finds y/n.

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ophanim26 · 9 months

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on the way to Alpha Centauri

I'm still thinking about season 2 and it's really good. But after watching, I'm dead inside

wine was spilled

#i made this to make myself feel better after e6 #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens fanart #aziracrow #aziracrow fanart

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thedailychalkboard · 5 years

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Morning Ritual

The paths I've traveled in life have taken me many places, mentally, physically, socially and spiritually. My whole adult life these traveled paths have been shared with others through the lens of a camera. I consider myself one of the lucky ones, of those who have become keepers of the light, because I discovered my passion for photography early on and it has informed this path I've chosen. Or, perhaps, photography chose me.

The image shared here was taken in 1977 while I was in the military and serving overseas in Korea. It was originally taken on Kodak E6 Ektachrome slide film with a tough as nails, all manual, no frills, bells or whistles, Nikon body and a Vivitar, Series 1, 70-200mm variable focal length lens, or what we now call a "zoom lens". It was winter, cold as hell, and here I am tromping through frost covered frozen fields in a small village thousands of miles from my home, family, familiar surroundings, and loving every single minute of it, frozen fingers and all.

I wasn't alone on this particular morning. An elderly farmer made his way with slow steps, careful not to slosh his liquid cargo, through the ice cold air to the fields where I stood. He was preparing to continue his morning ritual of spreading human waste as fertilizer over the hardened crust of earth that he worked each day, scraping out a living for his family.

Life is hard for many people around the world and I was witnessing the reality of how those who know what resilience means, in both thought and action, make due day after day, year after year. Harsh doesn't begin to describe life for the majority of humans on the face of the earth and to witness it first hand is an education that sticks with you your whole life. Four year educations and fancy university diplomas be damned. This is reality and truth, not theory.

As he went about his work, ignoring my presence, I continued to record this man's life, inching closer for something more, something better, something that would convey the emotions that still well up inside as I recall this one morning in my life. I clicked, he toiled, fully aware of each other's presence, but in the silence of our own thoughts. He finished and headed back down the path he had traveled to reach the cold, hard fields that were his workplace for who knows how many years. As he walked past me he stopped, dropped his buckets to his side and faced me. No trace of a smile. Just a man with years of hard work written on his face in lines and creases.

He knew and I knew that this wasn't a chance meeting. Our eyes met, I raised my camera and recorded the moment. And an unspoken currency was exchanged. A currency that is far more valuable than anything in the world. Two souls touched in recognition and spoke without words a universal language of truth, The two souls said, "The spirit in me recognizes the spirit in you". In this instant that something more I sought became reality and gifted me one of the most beautiful experiences life can bestow. I often wonder, hope, and pray that this man, in this frozen field so far from the comfort of where I sit and record this now, carried that moment with him through his life as I still carry it with me.

Photographs are nothing more and nothing less than a catalyst for our experiences and memories. They take on a higher value when shared with others so that they may perhaps begin to understand the personal path that we keepers of the light have chosen to travel. I am convinced that there is so much more to photography than meets the eye. I call this Seeing Beyond Seeing. It has the power to take you to places you never knew exist when you find it.

If you seek to improve your skills in everything from the basics to advanced techniques in creating quality images to share with others, I can help. For over a decade now I've been teaching and mentoring, individuals, teams, and groups on the subject of photography and creative seeing beyond seeing. Whether you live locally, or are out of the area, please feel free to connect to find out more by visiting facebook.com/mddaphotoforum or emailing [email protected] If you don't live locally I consult by email, phone and Skype. Isn't it time you took your passion for camera craft and visual art to a higher level?

#oregonart #oregonphotographer #oregonartist #inspiration #motivation #mddastudio #mddphotoforum #thedailychalkboard #seeingbeyondseeing #oregonewriter #oregonteacher #digitalart #photoclasses #photoinstruction #photoworkshops

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octranslations · 6 years

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Haiiro no Ginka Volume 48

Haiiro no Ginka vol. 48 September 2010

Translation Credits:

Toshiya Aibiki no Mori - Risu Mu No Koufuku, Sanretsusha To Kubi/Happiness of Nothing The Assembled Neck - kirei_hukkatsu edited by Cammie & Risu Gansonaki Kaoruya - Cammie Die Meisyo De Meisyu - Cammie Shinya Dr. nemunemu no daigyakusyu - Nao DIR EN GREY at TOKYO TRANSFER - Cammie News and So On - Cammie

Toshiya Aibiki no Mori

This is the new skirt that I am wearing from the first day of THE UNWAVERING FACT OF TOMORROW TOUR2010.

Of course, SHELLAC’s Mr. AKINORI and Mr. ATSUSHI made it for me, the skirt this time was made with much enthusiasm and turned out to be an item with a pretty high quality

They used leather on the hip portion and added more pleats, above all Mr. AKINORI who has been friends with 13 THIRTEEN from before used a 13 THIRTEEN custom order buckle for the hip belt clasp thus making it even more luxurious.

It was made so well that a girl from the office exclaimed if there is female version of this skirt, I want one too!

I am always very grateful to Mr. AKINORI and Mr. ATSUSHI from the bottom of my heart. Thank you very much!

And, this was way back but here is one picture of when I went out for drinks with Big Brother WUMF [Wake Up Mother Fucker (J)] and coincidentally RIZE’s KenKen was there and it somehow became a BASSIST drinking session.

I wonder if you know whose hand is who? (laughs)

Well lets meet again on the next “Aibiki no Mori”!

Mu No Koufuku, Sanretsusha To Kubi/Happiness of Nothing The Assembled Neck

...I am sleepy?...tired?…I really don’t know... When you're concentrating like hell on something, the brain secretes adrenaline. ...what a selfish guy...I feel that things that I can concentrate on are extremely less than ordinary people. Furthermore rather than the common average level of concentration, powers of memory, my brain tissue feels… as crappy/shitty as Alice in Wonderland.

Right now, it’s fine as long as I am able to just focus 120% in composition, writing lyrics and during lives...

I am changing the subject but recently it feels like there are more strange/weird people… is it because they are young? Or is it because humanity is rotting, which is it? I really would like for them to stop this pointless behavior and behavior that they would seem to regret afterwards This is not just lip service/empty talk because this is what I really think, and what I am hoping for. To be specific it’s the garbage at the live venue…why can it be thrown there? There is a lot of garbage in the box [venue] where we played…is that okay? Don't you hate it when there is a lot of garbage in front of your own house?

I don’t remember if I’ve said this before but There is nothing more beautiful than something immaculate/pure, and that is cruel The more I think it’s beautiful, I feel that I am become dirtier But while I’m happy in realizing this, I feel like i’m being left alone in a stark white space/room/void. At that time I’m very sad and lonely But this feels like as if I found something important again, and I think that I should cherish this time. Such a weird feeling.

If everyone has also experienced this moment, I would like for you to try not forget it and cherish it

Well I have a tendency to talk about these things or hard/difficult/tough/serious things every time but I am not a good person in any way (laughs) I don’t know what but it is true how I am desperate to change something and I am going all out to confront myself.

People who give their everything when doing something are amazing, and you really get empowered too. If we could have a live with only those people, somehow something amazing could be born with this amazing feeling of oneness and that is exciting Even now I am a die-hard rebel (laughs), but I think that for those people who come to our lives, buy our CDs, and feel something from us, I really don’t want to betray them, and I want to keep on fighting/struggling onwards I think I am going to sleep soon…

It would make me happy if you were able to feel something this time again.

Kyo

Gansonaki Kaoruya

Are you guys doing well? The tour ended with a blink of an eye; this is Kaoru.

The tour was short this time, but for the band, I think this was a productive tour. I began to see many challenges from here on after too. But the overseas tour will continue for a while. The content (of overseas tour) will have songs we want to do at the moment, so it will differ from this tour. Everyone must be like “Do new songs~!” but “If we can, then we will!” I think I would just like to go on without deciding on anything.

In any case, it’s been a while since I got uptight in South Korea. 40 minutes before the show, the Macbook for the tour crashed and I felt really frustrated. The festival staff told us that the time can be pushed back a little bit since they wanted us to do the live in perfect condition, and we managed to recover the files and did the live. I’m very appreciative of them. But if we had a little more time, we would’ve been able to do it at a better condition...

I think that was the first time where I was glaring at the Macbook one minute before the actual show.

And now I’m in London, but during Sonisphere, my equipment had trouble and it was a disaster... I may go somewhere to get my bad luck dispelled once I go back (to Japan).

It really hasn’t been a while but you see various things at lives. There are things you’ll never realize when you’re in a studio or have encounters. And be able to drink together with a group of friends that you haven’t seen in a while. There was an incident that made me realize how all groups of friends are a part of me and are an important existence. Everyone, please cherish your group of friends!

Then, everyone must be wondering about our new song release since time has passed quite a bit after “Hageshisa~” but They’re (songs) getting finished bit by bit, so just wait a little okay~

So let’s see each other soon!

Die Meisyo De Meisyu

I, “with this-> 1 (laughs)", quit smoking...

Good bye AMERICAN SPIRIT!!!!!!!!!

So, I just came back from the U.K. and Russia lives yesterday.

After I went back to my home, I slept for 12 hours. It’s been a while since I slept this much. It may be the first time this year. Even for this tour, there wasn’t a day where I’ve gotten a good sleep. That would make me sleep for the whole day. I guess it would be the best to encounter a pillow that will be the perfect match and bring it to tours.

But as rumored, Russia was very hot. At least have the airport cooled! Seriously! Plus, due to the forest fire (which I didn’t know at all), the moment we got off the airplane, it was smoky; and when we went outside the sky was covered with smoke. This may be the first time to see such an eerie atmosphere. And what I thought “this can’t be happening” occurred. The car we were on from the airport to get to the hotel didn’t have air conditioner... Of course the window is open but only the warm wind and smelly smoke came in. When we got off the airplane, we couldn’t get out of the airport due to luggage problem for about 2 hours, and when we thought we finally got out of there, we were in the car without air conditioner for about 2 hours. Give me water. Seriously, I was feeling dizzy inside the car. What is this survival? During this time I always remember the tours in Japan. It’s heaven. I guess overseas will not let us be spoiled yet. Well, tolerance is necessary for human beings and you should never forget how to endure. I should be thankful of how there are still situations that toughens us up.

(After arriving to the hotel, we went to go eat Chinese with the staff, but it extremely tasted shitty and our day ended there.)

I seem to be complaining, “It’s hot, it’s hot” but the venues at the 2 shows in Russia were both endlessly hot. European venues are old buildings and they usually have bad ventilation. The heat inside the venue made me feel dizzy and my hand playing the guitar was all wet and since it was slippery, I was messing up a lot. My sound was getting damp and I think it was losing its force...

But for the situation where the entire venue wrapped up in heat and a couple of everyone’s “screw” jumping out where it’s definitely not calm, I don’t hate it. When I used to play at small live houses, this kind of situation made me feel that it was the actual live and I think there were times where the amount of sweat determined whether the live was good or bad. When we are in Japan, we are at a very fortunate circumstance. We have the best staffs that have supported our stage for many years too. But at overseas, we have little or no staff. We naturally don’t have a stage director and the person in charge of lighting is our operator, and for equipments, we have the minimal things differing from what we originally have. The only thing that hasn’t changed is the 5 people standing on stage. These kinds of situations let us destroy what we created during the domestic tour in a good way. This obstacle must be training us. You can’t gain this kind of experience when your environment is always laid out.

I want to be stronger more and more. To the point where I can fight without wearing a strong armor.

So that no matter what kind of situation we are under, DIR EN GREY can be DIR EN GREY.

Translator's Note

1. The pinky finger at the beginning have two known meanings in Japan. The first one is how you use a pinky finger to make a promise. The second meaning is female, usually a lover when someone (well, wiki also says this, but I've also only heard guys ask this question in this way) asks"?? (this)" and puts up a pinky finger.

Source Wikipedia

http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E5%B0%8F%E6%8C%87

(Sorry, there is no English translation explaining this...)

Shinya Dr. nemunemu no daigyakusyu

And so, let’s begin this volume’s Nemunemu. I have thought of writing Korea, England, and Russia where I’ve been this time but it’s almost surprising that there is nothing especially interesting to write about so there’s nothing especially interesting written . So, let’s begin.

Nemunemu Diary ~Korea, England, Russia Edition~ July 24 We went to Korea a day before the live. Onboard the plane, I just read One-Piece1 that I placed in my iPad. (Refer to last volume) Before I knew it, we arrived at Korea and unsurprisingly/expectedly we ate yakiniku2 From midnight the staff will be setting the equipment at the venue so I went there to check if Dr. Nemunemu’s drumset was prepared well. It was sort of tough but at least the minimum requirements were there. I did some various settings and returned to the hotel at around 5 o’ clock in the morning.

July 25 It’s the day of the Korea live. It’s a festival so there was no rehearsal and it was immediately the performance itself. Just before the performance there was computer trouble and it was chaotic until the last moment but we somehow managed to get it ready for the performance and began Zan the first song. And then, the sound from the monitors facing Dr. Nemunemu was weird. While performing, I instructed George who was behind me a couple of times but I couldn’t hear any of the other members’ sound or my sound, I could just only hear noise. Until the end I played by instinct without it being fixed.

July 31 England. As always, on the plane, it’s One-Piece. In the beginning I didn’t know what was especially interesting but it became more interesting when I read until volume 45 but in order to understand more I went back to volume 1 and began reading. Then, we arrived at the hotel. We were going to stay for 4 nights in that hotel. This time it’s 2 people in 1 room so I was in the same room as bassist T but, lo and behold, it’s a room with only 1 double bed. The 2 of us were saying things like, hey, is this for real?, it’s going to be like this for 4 days and such. And after a few hours it was meal time and when we met up at the lobby, we talked about the bed with the others and surprisingly all the other rooms had 2 beds. So we swiflty had our room changed to have 2 beds.

August 1 For equipment check we went into a studio today. The drum set was almost perfectly prepared. And when I checked the monitor during the nightmare at the Korea, lo and behold the earphone cable was dead. It was good to know the cause of it.

August 2 It’s the festival in England. Our turn is at 2pm but because the venue was far from the hotel we departed at 8 in the morning. The live, performance-wise ended without a hitch. I wanted to see other bands but when the interviews and such ended the roads were packed so we immediately went back home.

August 3 Today was an off day. Well there wasn’t a place I especially wanted to go to so I stayed in the room and read One-Piece for the entire time.

August 4 Before the live we were at BBC Radio from the morning and recorded a song. After that we went to the live house. We were able to do the rehearsal well and we were able to perform perfectly it was a really good live.

August 5 We then moved to Moscow. The tempreature is 37C degrees. On top of it being really hot it seems that there are brush fires nearby and the city is covered with smoke. And then we arrived at the hotel after 2 hours using car with no air-conditioning. And when I was simply changing the channel of the hotel’s TV, surprisingly One-Piece was on! Moreover it was in Japanese! It was the first time I heard all of their voices.

August 6 It’s the Moscow live. It’s also hot outside but inside the venue it was extremely hot. After the live, I sweated so much that you can wring sweat out from my white shirt. The drum set completely lacked parts that it was a very difficult set but performance-wise I was able to play well.

August 7 Woke up at 7 in the morning and we went to St. Petersburg. We arrived after a 1 1/2 hour flight. Again, the drum set was different so I went to the venue with a staff for equipment check. Today was also a tough drum set but I was able to give my best.

August 8 It’s the day to go home. The flight was around noon but from the hotel to the airport, it’s 30 minutes if the traffic is light and 4 hours if it’s heavy like a sense of time that I can’t comprehend so we left the hotel early in the morning. We arrived in 40 minutes so I concentrated on One-Piece. And for the transfer at Paris for 5 hours I waited with more One-Piece and also on board the plane.

Well, was it a tour where I went to do lives or read One-Piece, but surprisingly there is an iPhone App that when you buy a rice ball at Lawson you get a character stamp on your iPhone, and if you collect 5 you can obtain a big secret treasure; indeed an App that was made for Dr. Nemunemu who loves both One Piece and iPhone has appeared. Morever, it starts from August 10 which is why, since no one can match up to me with One-Piece, I brought along the boastful/bombastic roadie George after the August 10 drum recording ended to play it.

First, download the app. This is where you put in the stamp. The recording was in Shibuya so I opened the app in Shibuya and looked at the map. You could see who is there at which Lawson in one glance. As expected of Shibuya, there are a lot of Lawsons so the characters are complete.

When I activated log pose it showed the way to the closest Lawson.

We arrived at the first Lawson by following this.

Then when I typed in the number in the receipt of the rice ball that I bought in the app, Robin’s character was stamped in.

And then we arrived at the second Lawson.

This Lawson is located in a questionable/sketchy area and there were questionable/sketchy adults hanging around so I wasn’t able to take a photo. There I bought another rice ball in the store and Nami was stamped in.

This is the third Lawson.

I bought another rice ball and I got Zoro’s stamp.

And the fourth Lawson.

In the app explanation all rice balls are eligible so without aiming/choosing I got a fermented soybean(natto) sushi roll.

What the !! There is no number printed on the receipt!!! The sushi roll was not an rice ball!! If I buy another rice ball to fix this, the store person will probably think, ‘Ah! this guy is collecting One-Piece stamps and made a mistake by buying a sushi roll’ which is why I wanted to go to a different Lawson. But according to the map, Chopper is here and in the Shibuya area, Chopper is only available in this Lawson. So I just endured it and bought 1 more rice ball. It didn’t show on the store keeper’s face but I can see him laughing inside.

Well, I went through that much trouble but I got the Chopper’s stamp.

And the fifth and the last Lawson.

I bought a rice ball and brilliantly got the final stamp. It did not even take one hour total. There seems to be a weird skeleton stamp here. This guy hasn’t come out on volume 45. Who is this???

Anyway, there are still 3 characters left but I can apply for the big secret treasure prize so let’s apply. You can choose among the three prizes. Firstly, for the first 30,000 people, a post card set.....hmm...I don’t need that..... Next, for the first 5000 people, a clear file set.....hmm...I don’t need that......And next, 100 people will be picked to get a metallic kung-fu ace figure...hmm.....I don’t need that....but, anyhow I will pick this one. Which means I didn’t really need the goods but collecting the stamps was fun. Because it’s a game especially done with the iPhone. As expected of the iPhone. If I had an iPhone during my childhood I will be an even more exceptional adult. Okay, 3 more people to go so I guess I will go for the second round. So this means it’s the end. This volume’s present is a drum head with Chopper’s portrait according to the painter Nemunemu. People who want this should write to ?106-8691 Japan Post Box [a knot] Nemunemu present staff with their member number, address, name, age, phone number and feelings about Dr. Nemunemu’s large counter attack. ( Long messages will have bearing)

Finally, I just noticed this when I took the picture of all the 6 rice balls I collected!

I bought 2 shrimp mayonnaise rice balls!! I even confirmed with George that I seem to have bought one already. And since he flat-out said, “You haven’t bought shrimp mayo.” so I believed him! So remember what you just did a few minutes ago! That goes for Nemunemu as well.

Until the next issue.

Translator’s notes: 1 One-Piece is a long-running sh?nen manga written and illustrated by Eiichiro Oda, that has been serialized in Weekly Sh?nen Jump since August 4, 1997. (sourced from wiki) 2 Yakiniku (??? or ??), meaning "grilled meat", is a Japanese term which, in its broadest sense, refers to grilled meat dishes. In North America, China and Taiwan, Yakiniku is also referred to as either "Japanese barbecue" or "Korean barbecue" due to its Korean origins. (sourced from wiki)

DIR EN GREY at TOKYO TRANSFER

After playing in South Korea, U.K, and a first-time visit to Russia, DIR EN GREY has spent a dense hot summer . In addition, they only returned for 2 weeks and went on to North America where their stay in Tokyo was indeed a period of “transfer”, but even with the small amount of time, they used it for their creative activity. In between their precious time, the 5 members told this only to “Haiiro no Ginka”.

Interview: Yuichi Masuda

?Your first live since the domestic tour was on 7/25 at “Pentaport Rock Festival” in Incheon, South Korea. I guess there are many things you do not want to be reminded of...

Kyo: ... (Wry smile) Die: Out of my memory, that was the worst live out of the past shows Toshiya: That’s the truth (laughs). Simply put, it may be the environment’s fault, but if we bring that up, it becomes an excuse. The moment I felt myself relenting, I felt like “I lost”.

?Was the reason due to equipment problem?

Kaoru: The Mac we were using became no good 40 minutes before the show where it stopped working all of the sudden. We asked to get our back up Mac immediately from our hotel, but it arrived at the time when our show was going to start. We had to begin our performance without making adjustments, and everything was a mess. The staff were all caught up with that and the set up was not done properly. That effect literally showed up during our performance. Kyo: After the live was over, we actually laughed. Like “That was crazy!” (laughs) Die: I never felt a live to be so long. I thought, “Please just end!” I think the staff felt the same way too. Shinya: In my case, on top of that, the cable for my ear monitor was dead. I could only hear noise. Die: The staff had a hard time too. They began setting up the day before and it took until 7 in the morning, but due to their (festival) situation, they had to start all over again on the actual day. Kaoru: In any case, it was a day where nothing went right (laughs).

?That was unfortunate. There must have been a sense of hunger for the local fans since you guys have been distant from them for many years.

Die: That was there. Something like anticipation. Kaoru: So we want to go do a proper live again. Kyo: Yep. It was really frustrating. We did “Zan” for the first song. We wanted the first blow to go off with a bam, but the moment it began, we didn’t know what we were doing. We just depended on luck or just go with our gut feeling. Kaoru: We brought along the lighting staff and we were planning on making a stage with an atmosphere, really.

?When you wanted to create chaos there was already a real one prepared (laughs). So, one week after that nightmare, you guys went on stage for “SONISPHERE” in the U.K.

Kaoru: Here, my equipment had problems. Since there was the incident at South Korea, I thought, “Well, it’s fine as long as we’re able to make sound.” But that sound was really, really small where you couldn’t hear it at all. Die: Really, you will become festival-phobic (laughs). Kyo: When the live began, I could only hear the drum and my singing, and from there, my excitement fell. At the part where everything should go with a roar from the beginning of the performance, we could not hear anything we needed to hear at all. Shinya: I didn’t have any problems. I was able to do an equipment check the day before and I was able to fix the monitor problem.

?Wasn’t the reaction wonderful? Out of all your festival experience too.

Kaoru: True. The people were not waiting for the band playing after us where there were many of them that came to see us. Die: Once our performance began, there were many people that gathered as if they were getting sucked in. Toshiya: The stage itself felt good. We didn’t have any actual proof in a sense where what we were doing was delivered clearly, but 2 days later, the ticket for our one-man (live) at KOKO increased right after “SONISPHERE”, and I was happy when I heard about it. There must have been many people that thought, “I want to see them again.”

?That must have been a happier news than selling out on the actual day. By the way, for the “SONISPHERE” stage, you performed part of “Prowler” from Iron Maiden right?

Kaoru: That was the first time where we included someone else’s song into our songs and performed it. The headliner for that day was IRON MAIDEN, so for the people that never heard of us before, we thought it can be a good catalyst to get to know us. Since our band would be the one that would be highly unlikely of doing this, I thought it was all right to do it once in a while (laughs). Die: Yep. It’s not like we will be doing this every time from now on (laughs).

?After “SONISPHERE” ended, squeezing in a day off, you had your solo show in London. I thought the live at KOKO was simply good. It could be said to be at the best live level.

Kaoru: It was very easy to perform. Due to what happened at the previous 2 shows (laughs). The performing environment and setup was very good too. Kyo: Also, the stage should definitely be dark (laughs). During the festival, it was still bright during our time. The construction of the venue also had an atmosphere, which was good. Shinya: There was no problem concerned with playing. Toshiya: We were able to play with a good feeling. I immersed myself into the live, but there was a sensation where our feet reached the ground.

?But right after the live that felt good, you returned to the hotel and prepared yourselves to depart to Russia 5 hours later. I went back ahead at that point.

Die: Russia was just so hot. London was nice and cool. Kaoru: During live, we were just sweating to the point where that was the only thing I remembered. Kyo: Normally, as the performance goes on, the audience’s excitement increases right? But everyone was so exhausted and their excitement went down (laughs). The live went well, but you know, we were sweating to the point where there was a puddle underneath our feet... Die: I felt like I was playing desperately as I felt dizzy. My guitar was all wet from the sweat and it became slippery too. The live was easy to do though. Shinya: I sweated to the point where I could wring it from my attire... However, the drum I got from the local area did not have enough parts set and it was not a satisfying situation, but aside from that, the monitor environment was good so I guess it was not bad.

?You landed on Russia for the first time. Was there any sensation you felt because this was a place visited for the first time?

Kaoru: Naturally, since this was our first time, rather than people not knowing how to get into it, the crowd was small. It was like 5 years ago when we first played in Berlin. Toshiya: I had this selfish impression of this place to be a closed country, but regardless of this thought, I felt a strong sense of hunger from the audience. The degree or the type of yearning to burst was a little different.

?Did you have any time to explore the town in Moscow?

Kyo: The entire town was covered with smoke due to the forest fire, so it didn’t look pretty at all. It was tough wearing masks during a hot weather. Die: The scenery felt as if it was clouded. We passed by Red Square, but it wasn’t a time to take a commemorative photo. Kaoru: After the live was over, (tour manager and PA in-charge) Rick suggested, “Why don’t we go to Red Square on the way back to the hotel?” But every was like, “No thanks. Let’s just go back (laughs).” Even during that hour, it was still hot. Kyo: It was like, please undestand (laughs). Shinya: Even for food, there wasn’t any good impression... The Chinese food we ate on the first day was strange too. Kaoru: That tasted awful. But after the live was over, we had pizza as usual (laughs).

?The next day after the Moscow show, you moved on to Saint Petersburg and went straight to the live.

Die: We had a tight schedule. We went with on an airplane while the equipment moved by train. Toshiya: The place had more open feeling than Moscow. Including the building, it had a very European feeling. I would like to go there again. I would certainly like to go to Moscow without the ash covering up the place (laughs).

?By the way, after the 2 shows in Russia, you guys had a hard time returning back to Narita Airport right?

Kaoru: It took 23 hours (laughs). We first flew to Paris and afterwards it’s a direct flight to Narita, but we had 6 hours of waiting time in Paris. Shinya: I just kept playing around with my iPad. Kaoru: Everyone gathered where there was electricity (laughs). Toshiya: Honestly, it was tough. If we slept there, a weird jet lag will begin. After returning, we already knew we had work starting so I wanted to adjust my body clock.

?So after you guys came back, there was work every day awaiting, and without any break, you guys departed for the North American tour from 8/21. The conversation from this point onward will be for the next issue.

Die: I look forward to it. We had a single live with KILLSWITCH ENGAGE before, but this is the first time to have 2 bands on an equivalent relation. Kaoru: APOCALYPTICA’s live is beyond my imagination, so there is a part where I can’t predict. But we will not do a live that just gets wild either, so it may mesh well and turn into an interesting feel. Kyo: Yep.

?They are a “quartet cello metal” after all!

Shinya: But they have a drummer right? I hope to gain some inspiration. Toshiya: Yep. It would of course be wonderful if we can get along, but that is not our purpose. First I would like to get some inspiration. And as a result, if we can have good relation with them, I think that would be great.

News & So On

Foreign bands challenge North America!! Since the release of “UROBOROS,” their 3rd North American co-headlining together with APOCALYPTICA that are formed with 3 cellists and a drummer from a well-known music school, was decided in July. APOCALYPTICA that has gained strong support from many famous bands all over the world mainly collaborating with vocalists will be with DIR EN GREY. Being complete “foreigners,” what kind of shock will these 2 bands create in North America this summer?! Including Canada that has not been visited for 1 year and 9 months, their TOUR report during their trip to 16 cities will be told in detail on the next volume! Stay tuned!

Comeback to the night that will shake Japan!! Their second appearance in 4 years to the largest domestic metal festival, “LOUD PARK,” has been decided! The line-up for 10/15 (Sat.)DIR EN GREY includes Korn and Stone Sour, which the band hasn’t met since ‘06 “Family Values Tour,” solo project HALFORD by Halford (vo.) from JUDAS PRIEST, and HELL YEAH formed by the members from PANTERA and MUDVAYNE. These are all artists that have achieved prominence in the world’s music scene! After gaining experience at overseas stage in “Download,” “Wacken,” and “Sonisphere,” how will their comeback to “LOUD PARK” turn out?!

Hot topic! A flood of interviews!! On 8/1 (Sun.), we arrived to “Sonisphere Festival” after a one hour drive. The venue was a peaceful area filled with green rural scenery, and it was overcrowded with people covered in metal t-shirt and TATTOOs. Right before the LIVE, they had a photo shoot for the group photo that was going to be posted on the official site, and off they went on stage. For LIVE report and detail of the actual location, please take a look at Mr. Masuda’s article. After the LIVE was over, the surging interview time has started! Due to booking by Mr. Adam who is in charge of UK promotion, there was a schedule made to have 10 interviews in 2 hours (one interview on average of 10 minutes!). In addition, there were 3 more included after seeing the LIVE, and there was photo shoot for “Rock Sound,” and a photo shoot for a group shot was decided in a hurry at the “Kerrang!” booth! During the LIVE, more than 30 photographers went in and out in front of their stage where we were able to observe a high anticipation towards DIR EN GREY.

#haiiro no ginka

6 notes · View notes

daggerzine · 6 years

Text

Awaking Up Together- Ben Crum discusses the different lives of Great Lakes.

It was the S/T debut in 2000 that was released on Kindercore that initially got me interested. I loved most everything on that label so when a cd by a band called Great Lakes popped into my po box I was excited to check it out. Like a few of the others under the Elephant 6 moniker, (Apples in Stereo, Olivia Tremor Control, etc.) it exuded a sort-of grandiose 60’s pop charm with bits of psychedelia and some beautiful noise ala Pavement, too. Other records followed (including the brand spankin’ new, and very good, Dreaming Too Close to the Edge) and along the way Crum lended his skills to bands such as Ladybug Transistor and the Essex Green. The more recent Great Lakes records have been a bit darker, more guitar heavy (less sunshine pop) than previous records but still with excellent songwriting and an overflow of hooks. I wanted to know a bit about Crum and what made him tick and when I shot some questions his way he was more than happy to expound and expand on his life from the early days until present day. If you’ve never heard the music of Great Lakes then by all means check out one of their many releases, each one with its own distinct personality. Read on dear fans….

L-R- Kevin Shea, Suzanne Nienaber, Kenny Wachtel, Chris Talsness and Ben Crum

Where did you grow up?

Mt. Airy, Maryland, though I finished high school in suburban Atlanta.

What was the first band that made you take notice?

The Descendents was really the first band that I was in to. I mean, I was discovering classic rock at the same time, but that 80s punk stuff was big for me. I came to them through skateboarding videos. They’re still one of my favorite bands, though I confess I haven’t kept up with their latest music. Fugazi was also an early big one for me. That first EP especially. I also loved, and still love, The Misfits.

When did you first pick up an instrument? Was it a guitar?

I was required by my mother, who played piano, to take piano lessons. She made me practice right after school. While sitting at the piano practicing my scales I could hear the other neighborhood kids playing and having fun. I found it miserable at the time. But my piano teacher let me come early to the lessons. She had a giant leather recliner and a nice stereo system with headphones. She’d let me play whatever records I wanted to listen to. That was my introduction to CCR. The main lick from “Down On the Corner” really grabbed me as a kid. That and the lead guitar part from “Up Around the Bend” had really caught my attention.

By middle school I chose to be in the school band. That lasted about one year. I think I mainly did it because I didn’t like the other options. I “played” saxophone. When I was about 14 I was watching Maryland public TV and I saw the One Night With You movie with Elvis. It’s taken from the 68 Comeback Special. I still love that stuff. I got out my mom’s old nylon string guitar and started teaching myself to play. I begged my parents to let me trade my sax for a steel string Guild acoustic. I took a few lessons, but those didn’t really take. I learned to play “Dust In the Wind” though.

What was your introduction to independent music? Was it hardcore? New wave? Something else?

I used to have a skateboard ramp in my backyard. All kinds of people would hear about it and come to my house to skate. There was an older dude who had a hardcore band and he gave me his 7 inch when I was about 15. That must’ve planted the seed in my mind that independently putting music out was something I could do. Before then, I don’t think it had occurred to me.

What was your first band? And how/when did Great Lakes come about? That was in Athens, GA, right?

It’s all kinda related, to me. The way I got started in doing music was that during breaks from college, around 92-93, I started getting together with high school friend, Dan Donahue, when we were both visiting our parents in Atlanta. We would write songs and record them on 4 track. We liked Galaxie 500/early Luna, The Flaming Lips, Pavement, Dinosaur Jr. And I remember he liked The Chickasaw Mudpuppies a lot and got me in to that stuff. He didn’t really play an instrument, though in the early days neither did I, really, so we both played whatever we could. He liked writing lyrics, though. That was his main thing. It always felt like a chore to me, and I was happy to have him be the lyricist. We called ourselves The Patty Melts. We had a song called “I’m Alive” that was kind of a fictional blues about how bad life was for the narrator, but the idea was that at least he was alive. A choice nugget of the lyrics, referring the guy’s wife, went: “ she’s a briarpatch with an eyepatch”, and later the narrator says: “…gettin’ my ass up is a damn chore.” We made a pretty cool 4 track recording of that song. I had this homemade 4 string fretless instrument that my dad and brother had built. I’ve still got it. It was made out of paneling for the body and a piece of molding for the neck. The tuners were eye screws, screwed right into the wood. I tuned it to an open chord and played slide on it with a screwdriver as the slide. So we made this Chickasaw Mudpuppies-inspired song with that. By about 94 I started visiting Dan in Athens, where he was in college, and we would write songs and try to record them. Jamey Huggins, who was then in high school but came to Athens a lot on breaks and weekends, joined us on drums. We were all really into Teenage Fanclub by that time, and one night we stayed up all night and wrote a song that we thought was so good that we had to start a band one day. Even then, I was focused on the recording. Unless we had a cool recording of a song, it was as if it almost didn’t really exist. I think we all felt that way. I still do.

Meanwhile, I was in a band in college in Birmingham, Alabama with some friends. We were first called a few different names that I’ve forgotten, but when we started playing shows we were calling ourselves Wonderock, like a superhero or something. We had a couple good songs, actually. I remember getting some encouragement from the sound guy when we played our first show at The Nick. He was a pretty grizzled old guy, Johnny Mack, and he came up to us after our set and said begrudgingly, “Well, my toe was tapping and my toe don’t lie to me…” One of the members of that band, Craig Ceravolo, moved to Athens with me in 96 and went on to play in the earliest version of Great Lakes. Another member of that band formed a band called Three Finger Cowboy. They were on Amy Ray’s label and, I think, did a tour or two opening for The Indigo Girls. After that band I had a short-lived band with Craig, Jason Hamric, and Jamey, called Alaska. Craig, Jason, and I all lived together in Southside, and Jamey had come to Birmingham to stay with us for the summer. I think we chose the name because of that line in “Stephanie Says:, “It’s such an icy feeling / It’s so cold in Alaska”. We also called ourselves Cherry Valence for a bit (this was back before there was a band called The Cherry Valence). Anyway, that band had 3 members of what would become Great Lakes in it. I tried to convince Jason Hamric to leave Birmingham and move to Athens with us, but he wasn’t into that idea. He definitely would have been in Great Lakes, though, if he had moved with us. Great player, and great guy. So, anyway, in Athens, Dan joined us as a lyricist, and we merged Alaska/Cherry Valence and Wheelie Ride and The Patty Melts and became Great Lakes. And then Great Lakes evolved over time. But it wasn’t until 2009 or so that the current iteration, the longest running consistent lineup the band has ever had, came together. But Great Lakes is really more than a band to me. It’s what I consider my life’s work as an artist.

Tell me about your tenure in both the Ladybug Transistor and the Essex Green.

Well, when I got to Athens I arrived right as the Elephant 6 thing was coalescing. The first Neutral Milk Hotel and Olivia Tremor Control records had just come out and they blew me away. Elf Power, too. All those guys were into 4 track recording, like us, but, of course, they were way more advanced. We became friends with that whole group of people. And then, after years of recording (including really learning how to record), the first Great Lakes album came out on Kindercore/E6. Ladybug Transistor had a connection to E6. Their album The Albemarle Sound had certainly caught nearly everyone’s attention that year. I mean, if you liked Love and The Beach Boys and Van Dyke Parks’ Song Cycle and stuff like that, then that record was pretty much made for you. We loved it. That and that Lilys record that sounded like The Kinks (Better Can’t Make Your Life Better). Through E6 connections some of the people in Ladybug asked the Kindercore guys to release the first record by their other band, Essex Green. Kindercore happily did. We played a show or two together with Essex Green and Ladybug in Athens, which was fun. We hung out and kinda bonded over shared musical tastes, they way you can only really do when you’re in your 20s, it seems like. A few years later when I moved to Brooklyn they were some of the only people I knew. Jeff Baron, of both bands, immediately asked me to get together with him and Mike Barrett and play some music. We quickly realized that not only did we all love 60s psych and pop, but we also really loved old country music and the whole Flying Burrito Brothers style of country rock. Because we each knew so many country songs, and because we just loved to play, we would get together and play a lot. Mike and Jeff lived together, and had a cool little low volume set up in their apartment, and we’d hand out and play for hours, swapping instruments and trading off singing lead on all kinds of stuff. Eventually we started doing some of Mike’s originals, and Jeff and I would do some tunes. We talked about making a record, possibly of Mike’s original songs, and probably should have. But for some reason we ended up not doing that. But, like I said, we had a bunch of fun. It was also like some kind of music school for me, in a way. Jeff and Mike helped me train my ear to hear the changes, and to improvise. Previously, a live show for me had been about basically just executing what I’d written beforehand; but I came to see music differently through that experience of playing with those guys. I mean, with them, nothing ever sounded the same way twice, and I learned to love that. Then, soon after, Essex Green didn’t have a bass player for a tour they had booked, so they invited me to play. Tim Barnes (Silver Jews, Royal Trux) was on drums for the first tour or two that I did with them, and between Jeff’s great guitar playing and Tim’s incredible drumming and way of listening and responding, it was a great experience. That lineup of that band was definitely one of the best bands I ever played in. We did a tour or two with other drummers, and despite the fact that the Essex Green songs are great and I love playing with them, there came a point when I decided to bow out and focus on a new Great Lakes record, which became Diamond Times. But after that album came out Gary of Ladybug found himself without a guitarist. I guess Jeff didn’t want to do it at that point, so I started playing guitar with him. We did several tours, sometimes with Ladybug Transistor and Great Lakes on the same bill, and then we made what I call the Buckingham Kicks album together (officially titled Can’t Wait Another Day). I wanted to change the band name to Buckingham Kicks and release a self-titled debut, because the album we did was so different from previous LT albums, but Gary decided against that. The great thing about joining Ladybug Transistor, apart from playing with Gary, who is one of the better singers around, was that I got to play with longtime Ladybug drummer San Fadyl. He was another fantastic drummer, and he taught me tons as a musician. After he died tragically, my days in that band were numbered. But Gary soldiered on and made another record, and he’s still doing stuff now. I think he’ll keep making great records for a long time. I’d like to think that I’ll do more stuff together with the Essex Green/Ladybug Transistor folks. We’ve talked about wanting to do something, but logistically it’s a little tough. Maybe one day, though. There’s a new Essex Green coming out soon, though. I’ve been listening to it and it’s great.

When did you move to Brooklyn? What prompted the move?

I moved in 2002. I think I stayed in Athens a little too long for me. I’m not saying people shouldn’t stay in Athens. It’s a great place and I love it. But I was there 6 years, and it’s a small southern town, you know? That has its up and downsides. I think I should have left a little before then, but I didn’t for some reason. The way I actually ended up moving is that my girlfriend at the time was moving and I came along. We promptly broke up, but I stayed in New York because I liked it. Though New York is expensive, it’s a fun place to raise a family. We got to the Catskills, we have a great beach nearby, and we live in a community that is progressive politically. That goes a long way.

Tell us about the new Great Lakes record, Dreaming Too Close to the Edge. Where was it recorded? Who played on it?

Dreaming Too Close to the Edge, the 6th Great Lakes record, ended up being the third in a series of three records that sort of share a lyrical theme. The previous two, Ways of Escape and Wild Vision, are much more country-inflected, however. I think those two are good records, but they’re kinda heavy in terms of the moods and subject matter. This new one feels more fun to me. The subject matter is still pretty heavy, but the songs are back in major keys again. I think it’s a really strong batch of songs. I’m proud of it. I think with Ways of Escape I finally really found myself as a songwriter. I think the stuff I’ve done since that record has been my best work, and this new one feels very strong to me.

The lineup is pretty much the same as played on the previous two records. The drummer is Kevin Shea. He’s been with me for over 10 years now. Suzanne Nienaber sings with me again. Kenny Wachtel plays some guitar. Joe McGinty is back on keys, and Dave Gould on bass. There are a couple other people who played on a song here and there, Luis Leal played mellotron on a aong, and Andrew Rieger did a guest vocal on one song. They’re great musicians, all of them. And just nice, easy-going people. I have no intention to shake up that lineup. As long as those lovely people want to play with me, they’ve got the gig. Of course, it’s different when you’re in your late 30s and early 40s. We’re not trying to tour the world, and I really don’t have ambitions beyond making what I think are good records, and maybe playing the occasional show.

As for the recording of Dreaming, the drums were recorded at Brian Eno’s old space in Gowanus, Brooklyn. I think Martin Bisi has been there for 30 years or more. There’s a documentary film about the place. It’s now called Seizure’s Palace (when Jason LaFarge is behind the desk). It’s a huge room, but Jason’s got a great handle on getting good drum sounds in that space. A Boredoms record or two were done there, as well as several Swans records. It’s a great and really weird space. The keyboards were tracked at Joe McGinty’s vintage keys studio, Carousel, in Greenpoint. I played with him and got to know him through Ladybug Transistor (especially when we were rehearsing with Kevin Ayers, but he was also a good friend of San’s, too). Nearly everything else was done in my home studio. And I went to Don Piper’s Brooklyn studio to track vocals. He’s got a Neve desk there, and gets nice sounds. The record was mixed by Steve Silverstein, who mixed each of the last three records. Steve and I have a long relationship of working together, and he’s great.

Is Loose Trucks your own label? Do you release other music other than your own on it?

Yes. My old friends Andrew and Laura of Elf Power run Orange Twin Records in Athens. They put out a couple Great Lakes records, but for Wild Vision, the 5th record, Andrew suggested to me that there was really no reason anymore to give them a cut of the money. He just hooked me up with their distributor and I started my own label. So far, so good. But I teamed up with Mike Turner (of HHBTM Records, and the guy who released the first ever Great Lakes 7”) to help me with distribution this time. I think that’ll be a positive thing. The truth is, I’d never want to start a label, necessarily, but it just made sense for me to do it.

I haven’t released anything else on the label except the last two Great Lakes records, and I really don’t have any desire to do so.

Who are some of your favorite current bands or musicians?

Steve Gunn. I especially love Way Out Weather. That’s the modern record that I’ve listened to the most in recent years. I love the Fahey meets drone-y raga thing; but it’s the strength of the compositions and the melodies that I find elevates it above other records in that style. I also think David-Ivar from the band Herman Dune is one of the most criminally underrated songwriters around these days. And Bill Callahan has long been a favorite of mine. I think he’s peerless.

What is one musician you’d say who’s had the biggest impact on your music?

My biggest influence as a guitar player is/was Dean Wareham. First, I always thought his sound was really cool. And his solos and lead playing, from Galaxie 500 on, has all been consistently great. I mean, as a beginning guitar player I’d sing along with the guitar solos. It doesn’t happen that often, when the long guitar solo or outro is the highlight of a song, or just as good as the singing part. Wareham was kind of my guitar teacher in a sense, because the way he plays, it’s not super fast. It’s about the melodies and the feeling and the mood. Because his stuff wasn’t very technical, I was able to play along with his solos and lead parts pretty easily and figure out what he does and how he does it. Every now and again I still kind of think to myself, “What would Dean Wareham do on this song?” if I’m stuck trying to figure out a guitar part for a song.

Tell us about your day job as a teacher. How does it fit into your lifestyle? Any of the other teachers know that you’re a musician?

Well, I don’t have a very wild lifestyle, I can tell you that. I’ve got a 7 year old son and a 1 year old daughter. With a full-time job as a third grade teacher, I’ve got my hands full. Lots of responsibility. But I still find the time to play a handful of shows each year, and to release records regularly. I’ve kind of gotten into a pattern of working, that works for me. During the school year I write songs when inspiration hits. But then I have the summers off. That’s when I have more time to work on music. If I can get all the songs for a new record written, revised and ready to record by August, I can track drums for an album. And then the cycle of overdubbing on the recordings, while also writing new songs, can begin again. That’s really my pattern.

People I work with know I write and play music, and put out records. Sometimes they’ll come to the shows. Some of my student’s parent’s have actualy looked me up and bought my records. I leave a guitar in my class and we sing all the time. The parents know me as this gentle teacher who sings Paul Simon and Cat Stevens songs with their kids, but I could tell by the way they some of them talked to me about my music that they were a bit surprised, after hearing my music, at how thematically dark some of my stuff is. It’s not children’s music that I’m making, you know? If they’d asked me I’d have warned them.

As a teacher, I think about Robert Pollard a lot. He’s not only one of my favorite songwriters, but he made a bunch of his best records while he was working full-time as a 3rd grade teacher. It’s really not hard to balance teaching and music. The hours can be tough, though. I have to be on point at 8am when I have to face a class of 8 year olds. One of my regular working times is between 4am and 6am. It’s been less this way since we had our second kid, because I’m really tired from having a baby, a 7 year old, and a demanding job. But I made most of the previous two records, and a lot of Dreaming, between the hours of 4am and 6am. That’s when my brain works best, anyway, I don’t even set an alarm. I just wake up naturally when I’m feeling inspired to work. It’s nice. The house is quiet, and I’ve got a tried-and-true system for recording electric guitars, bass, and keyboards silently. My wife is also very supportive, and often graciously allows me weekend mornings off of childcare duty so I can get some recording work done. I’m one of those people that if I’m not recording and getting work done, I’m kind of irritable and feel unsettled. So it’s probably in her best interest to do that… (haha)

You’re the only remaining original member of the band., then? What’s that like?

Yeah. I've been the only original member of the band for over 10 years now. But it was really only for the first 2 records that the original members were a big part of the band, anyway, to be honest. And even then it was really just the first one that was the product of genuine collaboration. Back then it was me and Dan writing songs together, but by the time the first record came out we'd put together a big band that also featured Kevin Barnes from Of Montreal, Scott Spillane from Neutral Milk Hotel/Olivia Tremor Control, Bryan Poole from Elf Power, and Derek Almstead, Dottie Alexander, Heather McIntosh, and Jamey Huggins as a multi-instrumentalist and our main drummer. Jamey and I really collaborated very closely on the first record, in terms of working out the instrumentation on the songs. That was a really good, positive collaboration. And, truthfully, it hurt me when he chose to pretty much leave the band and focus on Of Montreal. But I understood his decision. They were getting really popular, and I couldn't blame him. Then, in 2002, I moved to Brooklyn and Dan followed not long after, and once we'd both left Athens that was basically the end of the original lineup. Dan and I kept writing songs together, though, with him writing the lyrics and me writing the music. We went back to Athens to record Diamond Times, and a bunch of the old crew pitched in and played on the record, but by that point I'd formed a pretty strong connection with Jeff Baron of Essex Green and Ladybug Transistor, and had convinced him to come down from Brooklyn to Athens with me for the recording sessions. He ended up playing a big role in terms of making that album what it became.

The last released songs that Dan and I co-wrote, apart from one that made it onto Ways of Escape, came out on Diamond Times in 2006. After that album came out, I put together a 3-piece lineup of the band in New York, to tour behind that album. We did a long tour of the US, opening for The Clientele. It was Kevin Shea on drums, and Kyle Forester, who I also roped into The Ladybug Transistor as a keyboardist, on bass. We did a few tours of Europe with that lineup, too. What's strange is that, though it's not the original lineup, we played more shows together as a 3-piece than any previous or later Great Lakes lineup ever played, yet the three of us never made a record. Kyle left right before we began recording the 4th record, Ways of Escape. Around then Dan and I had a disagreement over the musical direction of the band and he abruptly moved back to Athens. Him leaving really turned out to be a great thing for me. Kevin Shea was happy to keep playing drums with me, and I wrangled a bunch of great NYC-based players to help me make that record. Towards the end of that process, Suzanne Nienaber started singing with me. As soon as we started doing stuff together I thought it sounded great. That lineup ended up being the players I've continued to work with for a decade and counting. We made Wild Vision together, which, to me, really felt like a highlight in the band's discography, and then we made the new record, Dreaming Too Close to the Edge, together, too.

Looking back, I think I went out on my own at just the right time. I was feeling weird about singing somebody else's words. And it felt so much better to sing my own. Dan also just wanted more say over the music than I was willing to give him. I think a lot of artists reach a point where they get fed up with making art by committee. At a certain point, you need control to really realize your vision. I've done 6 Great Lakes records now, with the most recent 3 being made without any other original band members. And it's the 3 I've done on my own that I feel most proud of, to be honest. I'll never disavow the early stuff, and if you're a fan of unabashed 60s psych-pop then that's the Great Lakes stuff for you.

The thing about bands continuing on without original members is tricky. A lot of times those bands aren't very good without the original lineup. But I always think about The Byrds when this subject comes up. My favorite Byrds records are the ones Roger McGuinn made without Gene Clark and David Crosby. I mean, I love the Gene Clark solo stuff, and that first David Crosby solo record, too. And of course the early Byrds stuff is great. But those late Byrds records are the ones I like the most. I like to think of Great Lakes like that. Maybe some people prefer the early stuff, and that's fine. But I'm just going to keep on doing my own thing, regardless of what anybody else thinks.

Any closing comment? Final thoughts? Anything you wanted to mention that I didn’t ask?

I’m always focused on what I’m doing next. I’m working on the 7th Great Lakes record now. More and more, I find myself drawing on more of my influences from the time when I was starting to play music, lthe stuff I was into in my early 20s. Dinosaur Jr., Pavement, Sebadoh, Luna/Galaxie 500, Teenage Fanclub, Guided By Voices, Built to Spill. Not that there’s a cohesive sound there, but that combination of sounds is really where my heart is lately. I’m working on the next record now and I can feel it going in that direction. It’s not at all thematically connected to the other records. I feel like it’s going to be good.

Thanks for your interest in my music, Tim. I appreciate it.

All photos by Jami Craig except the 3rd pic from the top (the outdoor shot with the Puerto Rican flag) which is by Diego Britt.

www.greatlakesbencrum.bandcamp.com

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